Watch What Crappens - #184: Happy It's My Mother's Fault Day!

Episode Date: May 13, 2015

Ben Mandelker (Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) have a lot of drama to laugh at this week. NeNe?s ?emotional breakthrough? on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, Daisy?s cancer pill drug deal on Blood Sweat and Heels, and a whole new pack of loonies in Bravo?s new Mother Funders. And, of course, plenty of terrible accents and plastic surgery jokes for the penultimate episode of Real Housewives of Melbourne! Come in and hug us through our stripper phobias! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, did you guys see that cover of People Magazine with Bruce Jenner that says Inside His Life Now? Okay, it's kind of scary because in one corner is Joan Rivers, in the other corner is Melissa Rivers. On the bottom is Chris Jenner, and in the center is Bruce Jenner. That's a lot of plastic surgery, you guys, okay, on one people.

Now, I noticed it because Bruce is staring off over to the side at the beautiful Patrick Dempsey. And Bruce looks just so dreamy. And I thought, you know, Bruce, we have a lot in common. I wanted to buy that People magazine, but I did not want it cluttering up my house. And then I heard about Nextissue.com. Have you guys heard of this? This is like Netflix, but it's for magazines. And it's actually better than Netflix because you don't have to wait a year to get the content you get all the new stuff right away okay you're not going to get it a year later

when everybody's already read this bruce jenner thing and he's got a whole new face okay you're going to get it right away next issue is the new newsstand nextissue.com has all the best most up-to-date magazines on the newsstand but but delivered to your phone or tablet. Check it out. Go to nextissue.com slash crappins for your free trial. It's all of your favorite magazines anytime, anywhere. Instant and unlimited access to current and back issues all in one place for one price. Plans start as low as $9.99 and hell, a magazine can be $6 now. That's a good deal. One account can be shared with up to five people. It's making magazines affordable again, guys. You can get over 150 magazines for less than the cost of two magazines at a newsstand.

Cancel your home and office magazine subscriptions and get all that you need at Next Issue. Do you really need to explain to people why you're getting those mommy magazines in the mail anymore? I wanted one cookie recipe okay 30-day free trial sign up today for a free 30-day trial no commitments cancel any time binge read your favorite magazines in one place come on guys nextissue.com slash crappins for your free trial that's a 15 savings this is a great deal and it's only available if you go to nextissue.com slash crappins sign up today y'all We're from the Watch What Crappens. Oh, well,ed, and beautifully skinned Ben Mandelker of the Banter Blender podcast and bsideblog.com. Hello, Ben. Oh, hello, Ronnie.

How are you? Good. I'm talking a little slower today. Normally, I speed through that intro, but today, our bonus episode was all about the Kenya Moore pilot, Life Twirls On. So, slowed me down yeah if you haven't watched it you can watch you can watch the pilot on youtube uh and if you can make it through that then you can just go listen to our bonus episode where we kind of dissect the whole thing and we had fun you

know ronnie this is like two bonus episodes in a row where we really went in on something last week we went in on the avengers and this week on kenya yeah i like it we should pick something new every week it's really fun to rip apart other things it's really funny and it's like basically two episodes in a row featuring the hulk so that's exciting uh so anyway you can catch the bonus episodes those are uh premium subscriber things this podcast is now two times a week and will always remain free so please don't worry about that yes but for the bonuses please go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens that's p-a-t-r-e-o-n.com slash watch what crappens um our bonus episodes are there our new bringers are going up this week and and they're all Real Housewives of Atlanta themed to celebrate the ending of that.

There's a lot of girls and uh-huhs in there this time, so go over there for those. And we'll be doing our Google Hangout soon, I believe, right? Yeah, probably like next week or the week after. By the way, I also want to mention about the bonus episode. We had some, like about 20 20 minutes 15 or 20 minutes of unaired footage with michelle collins from last week um so we just threw that at the end of the at the bonus episode where basically it's just it's just basically us like talking and you know michelle she is funniest when she is just off the cuff just talking about whatever so we we ask her

about being famous now on her shows that you, the shows that she's actually been on and stuff like that. The View and the VH1 Shuttle of Shame. Is that what it's called? No, it's... Shuttle Bus of Shame? Shame of Shuttle. Walk of Shame Shuttle.

Walk of Shame Shuttle. And just to speak about Michelle and some of our other friends of the podcast, for people who are in LA, Michelle has a show at Upright Citizens Brigade on Franklin tomorrow night laws angeles ronnie and i are going yeah so we're gonna be there um and again if you haven't seen michelle collins live this is just this is a public service announcement you really should go we're not even this is almost not even

so so funny and um that's gonna be really fun to hang out with her. And it's the UCB Franklin. It's not the new one. And tonight we're going to see the For Crying Out Loud podcast. Yeah, if you listen to this right away, we're going to be doing the – we're not doing it. We're just going to support. But we're going to be watching the live For Crying Out Loud podcast over at Tin Horn Flats in Hollywood. In Hollywood, yeah. Yeah, and that's at 8 p.m.

So come by if y'all want to have a drink or something. We'll be there, that's for sure. Yeah, and so we'd love to throw some support to our friends, but we'd also love to meet some of you guys. Yeah, so to find... We'll rush through the rest of these plugs, but to find Ben and I on social media, Twitter, et cetera,

come to WatchWhatCrapins.com. All our links are posted there. Also come to etc. Come to WatchWhatCrapins.com. All our links are posted there. Also come to Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrapins to talk shit with us during the week about the shows and to other listeners. That page is hilarious, and I'm basically just getting my Bravo news from there now, and I still go to Stupid Housewives,

and that's pretty much it. I don't even need to do any searches anymore. It is all there. Life Twirls On is posted there. The news about kenya finding out that her millionaire matchmaker match is married on instagram or something is there like all the good shit's there so just come on over and thanks to everybody who's a part of that because you're hilarious yeah absolutely so we have a lot to discuss today.

A lot of shit went down on Bravo this week. The biggest was probably Real Housewives of Atlanta, the three-part reunion. Actually, it was part three and a half because this one was an hour and a half. So thanks for that. Yeah, that was – it was – when my DVR said it was going to be 90 minutes, I was like, oh, okay. Because normally what it does is it says 90 minutes but in the last half an hour is an episode of watch what happens that they sneak in there but i was like oh shit this really is 90 minutes oh lord watch what crap

i mean watch what happens i actually caught a bit of that today i was watching mother funders today for the show oh by the way if you're wondering what we're covering today it's real housewives of atlanta blood sweat and heels uh mother, it's Real Housewives of Atlanta, Blood, Sweat & Heals, Mother Funders, and Real Housewives of Melbourne. But yeah, after Mother Funders, I just had the TV running and Watch What Happens came on. And P. Diddy was the guest. And Andy was just embarrassing. He's like, hey, it's so good to meet you. I mean, not meet you.

I mean, I see you everywhere. Last time was at the Met Ball. Remember that? Remember when I saw you at the Met Ball? Remember? Oh, I love the good to meet you. I mean, not meet you. I mean, I see you everywhere. Last time was at the Met Ball. Remember that? Remember when I saw you at the Met Ball? Remember? Oh, I love the diamond on your tooth. Oh, don't you love Nene? She's so vulnerable now.

You like Nene, right? I do, too. Remember? Yeah, you saw Nene last week. Yeah, I saw her, too. I saw her at Rihanna's party after the Met Ball. It's like, shut up. Shut up.

This isn't about you. And P. Did diddy who names a fucking cologne 3 a.m that is like the worst smell in the world i don't know what world you live in but 3 a.m does not smell good in most homes okay i know it's uh 3 a.m uh it's not eternal for me it just reminds me of a matchbox 20 song 3 a.m and. and I'm still lonely. Still lonely. By the way, that was a reference to both KLF and Matchbox 20 in one sentence. And if you don't know who KLF is, well, then I am very sorry. Girl, at 3 a.m. I smell like 7-Eleven pizza farts, the foo bar, and like dreams of yesterday. It is not a good time.

No one wants to smell like that. Shut up, Diddy. Okay. So anyway, on to Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah. yesterday it is not a good time no one wants to smell like that shut up diddy okay so anyway on to real housewives of atlanta yeah so really just one huge thing happened so i guess we should wait to go to that and start from the beginning is todd cheating on candy when was the last time you guys had sex when are you gonna have a baby well what i thought i mean so it's funny i um uh i can barely even remember what happened before all the nini stuff but i do remember that andy was asking todd

about his mother's death but he was just being i felt very inappropriate like he was he was like hey so i'm so sorry to hear that. Miss Sharon, she died. You know, it's like, yeah. And he's like, yeah, she died. And like, was she angry? Were you were you angry about that? She died in the midst of all this. And Todd's like, well, you know, like, you know, he just says whatever.

And he's like, yeah. He's like, so did you speak to Phaedra to get any expertise on you know like you know on on her getting buried and stuff i was like andy that is such a you know it was like such a the comment came from like i thought a very nasty place it was like he's almost making a joke he's making a joke about phaedra's like mortuary experience and also miss sharon's death i was like he's making miss sharon's death about the housewives were you mad that mama joyce you know were you mad about mama joyce when your mom died yeah that's what he was thinking when his fucking mom died andy okay yeah yeah and todd tells a very sad

story about like how he called and he was getting nervous then he called a neighbor the neighbor checked in and she'd been on the kitchen floor you know kitchen floor i mean it's like a terrible horrible thing and he's like have you had your boobs done todd and when don't lie to me i can tell your boobs look great todd he's like do you think that your boobs done, Todd? And when? Don't lie to me. I can tell. Your boobs look great, Todd. He's like, do you think that right before she died, do you think she was watching Top Chef? It's like, no. It's just like, because she was in the kitchen, you know? You know, your mom had you.

Did she have baby weight like Gail Simmons because she lost it? How long did your mom take to lose her baby weight before she died? It's like, shut up. What are you talking about? Stop. It was like a really, it really rubbed me the wrong way. I was like very not happy about it. Well, that was super rude.

And it was also awkward because his previous question was, when was the last time you had sex? Like, it's like, why are we skipping from that to your mom being dead? And then they're talking about a baby. And Todd's like, why aren't they even considering having a baby? They're a horrible couple. They need to get a divorce. And why are they talking about having a baby and todd's like why aren't they even considering having a baby they're a horrible couple they need to get a divorce and why are they talking about having a baby todd just wants somebody else his height in that house he does not want a baby yeah and then what about the fact i liked also i think when you asked right before he asked are you guys still having sex

and he's like i mean i hope you don't mind me asking but like andy you cannot since when are you all of a sudden decide you decide to be demure and you're going to proceed a question? But I hope you don't mind me asking. You've asked everyone about like their boobs. You're like, oh, did you get your boobs done? Like, I have to know. Like, you are the nosiest motherfucker. And I know it's your job. But then all of a sudden to act like suddenly you have a little bit of like.

Yeah. Well, that was funny. He's like, let's talk about your dead mom and then um let's talk about the prenup from like two seasons ago whatever why are we still talking about that why are you still mad todd are you still mad um and then he asks about candy's boob job who candy has the best answer ever she's like listen i just got fat the end i love candy hate todd love candy um but the best part of this segment to me was um preacher greg coming through because all the husbands were still on the couch

and uh todd's like yeah it was real sad because my mom died and then um you know and greg's like listen i called him i understand what it feels like when your mom died. Because both of my parents died. And here's what I did. It's like, Greg, you're 90 years old, okay? Your parents died before the telephone was invented. This is not the same thing as a young man losing his mother. Please stop trying to relate. And back up.

Your purse is hitting Meanie's shoulder. Stop it. Oh, my God. Shut up. He's like, flaws are like headlights they only turn on at night thoughts he said thoughts right said flaws oh no wonder i was like what is he talking i thought he said thoughts are like headlights you can only see other people's i was like what how can you see other people's thoughts when was like, what? How can you see other people's thoughts?

When it's really dark and they make their flaws brighter, you get blinded and you crash your car. Sometimes you have to adjust the mirror so that way it doesn't get in your eyes, people's flaws. Flaws are like headlights. In the fall, you crash into them and they hurt real bad. But then you you call gaco because that's what your mother told you to get before she died horribly 1920 sometimes one of your flaws goes out and a cop will pull you over for having a flaw out and you say well sir i know my flaws out but isn't that good i have one last flaw the cop says no here's a ticket so you get your flaw fixed and everyone sees your flaws again stupid stupid um and the only thing i can think is you know the guy is old he likes telling stories and

nini was always sitting on his lap so it was a perfect match all right um so thoughts are so flaws are like headlights i'm so glad you said that because i wrote thoughts and i've i came into this very confused um so let's see uh nini and cynthia okay didn't we already talk about this like some of these things some of these things i feel like he's already talked about them why is he bringing it up again it's like when the police are questioning them. Why is he bringing it up again? It's like when the police are questioning someone they know is guilty and they just keep questioning them to see if there's flaws in their story. Of course there's flaws in their story. They're all lying.

Okay. Yeah. The fact that we had to like go through this again where it's like, well, you know, I said this and then that didn't really like i said this and i guess that didn't sit well with nini so then she said this and that didn't sit well with me but then but you know what was funny if i'm remembering correctly what seems to have started this entire thing was when cynthia said about you remember noel last season had like a little boyfriend or something like that and she said something about like, well, I just, you know, something along the lines of that. I just don't want to be a grandmother.

I don't want Noelle to have underage sex. And then I'm a grandmother. And that bothered Nini because, of course, Nini interpreted it. Did I just say interpreted? It's like interpreted it. She basically took it as that was a dig about the fact that nini was a grandmother right is that isn't that what we're to infer about that i guess but cynthia's like 10 years younger than nini isn't she but it doesn't even matter because according

to nini that didn't sit well with her and the only reason why it wouldn't sit well is because nini's a grandmother and she of course takes it as a dig as a dig. But of course she would take it as a dig because she's narcissistic and stupid. I don't care what Dr. Jeff said, and we'll get to that. But Cynthia's comment had nothing to do with Nini. So Nini got mad. So then Nini responds by saying something shady somewhere. I forget, it was an interview or on a blog or something.

And then World War III happens. Well, their arguments were so funny first uh cynthia's story getting cynthia to tell a story i mean jesus christ she's just that neighbor who won't shut up it's like how was your day well oh then i hit a speed bump and oh have you seen the trash in the street it's like shut up i did you're just supposed to say yes and go back into your apartment you know what i mean cynthia shut up it was like and then this happened and then that happened and they made up and they went to vegas together and they had fun but then nini was like laughing at dinner but then went upstairs and wrote her bravo blog and was mean to cynthia in it and cynthia's like what the hell uh i thought we were friends if you're writing shit about me and then coming back downstairs

and wanted to play the nickel machines which is true yeah you know i would be pissed too but then it turns into you know nini tried to get cynthia fired because she went on watch what happens and said that if she was going to fire anybody cynthia doesn't bring anything to the show which is true and then um then cynthia got her back by saying something about like how malls are old fashioned and Nini loves malls it's like oh my god please stop what are you talking about you had nothing to talk about on camera while you were friends and you have nothing

to talk about while you're not you know what if I can quote Dr. Phil from his landmark special with Kim Richards when Dr. Phil told Kim Richards everything with the dog what if i can quote dr phil from his landmark special with with kim richards uh when dr phil told kim richards everything with the dog is just the battleground for deeper issues i think that that's what's happening here because they basically threw out their entire friendship over some like some petty bullshit on some blogs etc and so they are they clearly had some problems i mean if you're

going to bring dr phil into, the main question needs to be, and this happened in a bar? In a bar? In a bar? So you fought with Nene in Las Vegas in a bar? Were you drunk when you wrote that blog? Were you drunk? Were you sitting in a bar?

Did you just have a paint bucket full of vodka, NeNe? Okay, so then it turns to how they'll never forgive each other. And, you know, NeNe will say hi, you know, just if she sees her in a restaurant, then that's fine. She's there and NeNe's there, too. And that's it. The end. NeNe blogged in Vegas. Phaedra, that was a long story girl i don't care what phedra does i don't care if phedra comes on camera and chops off a baby's

head and drinks his blood out of a like a plastic cup i will still love her yeah that was a long story, girl. Damn. Let's see. Portia O'Hore. Okay. Then it became, is Portia O'Hore now that she's not with her controlling gay husband? And she answers, no, my shorts just got a rip, so I had to take them off. And, you know, so I danced around. And he's like, well, did you see Selma? Because your grandfather was actually a part of that.

And she had to talk about how she got to, you know, march with her grandfather and how proud she is. This is in the same segment as the horror segment, by the way. And Andy's like, do you think your father would be upset? Please, you know Martin Luther King and those guys loved horrors. That's like a huge, you know, that's huge uh controversy that was happening back in that day but i don't think her father would have been disappointed her grandfather but also i'm not gonna she was just confused i'm not gonna touch that comment i think you may have just alienated 95 of our audience well didn't pay wasn't he in trouble for like sleeping with other women mlk

the mlk liked whores hold on okay okay i take it back i take it back before anyone yells at me i heard that though i think you better take that back pretty quickly what other movie was that in where he wouldn't show up to someone's event because it wasn't big enough remember he was like a character in someone's thing and they were having this march of some kind and he wouldn't come because it wasn't big enough and they alluded to the fact that he had affairs didn't he is that all in my head oh my god now i'm so nervous i don't know you may just be thinking about another episode of real housewives probably i probably think it's me i've got him confused with peter cheated on his wife and other lesser things okay so he cheated but it was no big deal yeah

that was harsh i didn't even mean to say that about the whore thing. I was just going to say, I think Portia was probably confused about how they weren't playing bridge. She's like, my grandfather took me to a bridge thing, and we never even played cards. We just kept walking and walking. So, cheating on his wives and other lesser known facts about yeah who cares it didn't say with horso he just cheated on his wife and who hasn't right guys don't slut don't slut shame those women who got to sleep with mlk okay sorry about that um i take it back i take it back um so anyway um because by the way if you're ever going to be someone's jump off, like

that's the guy to be, that's like the one it's like, sure. I may have been his mistress, but I was the mistress to a world like a historical figure, like Trump's everything, Trump's everything. So good for them. Oh God. That's what I would want. If I'm going to, if I'm going to have an affair with someone, I want it to be someone's going to be in the history books.

Yeah. Not like guys. Not like, you know, some third string person on like the Atlantic Atlanta Hawks. So, I mean, I'm just being truthful here. I mean, I think everyone's entitled to get a little nookie. So and why not have it be from someone from a you know i mean that's like bragging rights guys that's like real bragging rights that no one will ever you guys whoever just got mad at me about martin luther king you know you're out there and you

know you're about to write me a nasty letter i would like to say that jackie kennedy calls out martin luther king jr as a sex pest. Okay? And a man whore. Well, I think she, of all people, I mean, that's projection. I think if we've ever heard projection. Jackie Kennedy was not a whore. Well, but for her to call MLK as being a sex pest, is that what you said? Yeah, a sex pest. Like, she's saying he was a man whore.

So I guess he was the whore. She's projecting because she doesn't want to face the issues in her own damn marriage. I love this that we're getting into now, like a real, we're getting into like the real housewives of 1960s famous people. Because I feel so bad. Okay. They're like, how about, how about, how about that Nixon? How about. Hey, look, sleeping with whores comes with a job, okay?

That's why we get into politics. That's why I'm running for mayor of west hollywood i like this let's talk about that agnew let's talk about all the oh god let's just pretend that the next the last 10 minutes did not happen and just keep moving on um so then we get to like cruz jeff because we know who he's been sleeping with so then we move on to puerto rico um and we get to see this fight again and i forgot about some of this fight because a that's when claudia earned her peach so that was amazing because she went after nini and actually made nini speechless like nini couldn't even fight she had to leave because she had nothing else she could

even say but also very college educated oh my god yeah well andy andy asked candy why she thinks that claudia won that and claudia's like see nah i'm not like fast like that i'm not like riding with the comebacks but like see she was like so i was like her and so i was like she won i'm very college educated i just keep writing college educated when i like something i just keep writing it over and over like a kid in trouble um then we get a preview for secrets and wives so why is bravo now just changing the name of real housewives they're just gonna come up with hundreds of new names for these shows it's the same shit it's like tj maxx and marshalls you know it's all owned by the same people sam sells the same shit but there's like some minor like

brand differentiation well anyway so what's actually really important about this segment is because is that um andy seemingly calls out nini for accusing uh claudia of being a quote-unquote half-breed and andy reads this very long comment from someone being like it was really you know it was offensive etc and so i didn't even write that i was glued to the tv i didn't even write that part so this whole thing where really calls out nini being like you know you should know like this is terrible how could you say this on tv blah blah as a blah, blah. As a black woman, all that stuff. Everything that everyone was thinking. So Nini was like, well, you know, I said it

in the heat of the moment because I wasn't going to hurt her. So she's like, but to anyone I've apologized, which is already bullshit, just to say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, to anyone I've offended, I want to say I wholeheartedly apologize. I did not mean to offend you, you know, like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'm probably half, you know, this, half that. Like, I'm very, very sorry. And he's like, do you want to apologize to Claudia? Well, no, because it was in the middle. It was the heat of the battle. And, you know, you know, I don't apologize because she was cool with it. So I don't apologize to her. I was like, wow, you are just a cretin.

You were just a vile, offensive woman. And it just showed that she's not apologetic at all yeah no she's not apologetic apology the apology should not have been i'm sorry if i offended anyone it should have been like i'm sorry that i said it because it's offensive language and it like turns the clock back on so many fronts and it um and it suggests that it's okay to say that stuff and uh I'm sorry that I offended people. I'm sorry that I said it. And I shouldn't have said it in the first place.

That's what the apology should have been. But she can never do that. That was her gay apology too, which, you know, this is the second gay thing I've complained about today because I went off on something in the bonus episode too. And I really do not care all that much. Like I'm not one of,

I'm not a precious gay, but this is how she was with the gay thing too when she said uh when she said that whatever gay thing she said and then andy was you know because andy will demand an apology for all the gays if you say anything gay you know and he's had to a couple of times with her for gay comments. And she was saying, well, you know, whatever. Whoever's offended, whatever. You know, she never apologized. She doesn't care. Well, she does that bullshit where she says, you know, I apologize once. Like, how many more times?

OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just me. I'm just apologizing. But, you know, if the tables were turned, she would never accept the sort of apologies that she gets. Yeah. That she gives out i should say it really really was like a very low moment i thought and then it just continued to get lower

i thought as the as the as we got into the last half an hour um i want to just say because i'm feeling so guilty about martin luther king i feel terrible he has boulevard named after him ronnie i think hopefully everyone knows that you were caught up in the moment, much like me. I know, but what's wrong with me? Because I never apologized, and now I can't stop. And also, now I'm looking on Snopes, and it says, One of King's closest friends, Reverend Ralph Abernathy, wrote a book in 1989 in which he talked about King's obsession with white prostitutes. King would often use church donations

to have drunken sex parties where he would hire two to three... Oh, wow. This is getting worse, actually. Alright, blame Abernathy, alright? Blame Reverend Abernathy. I'm dropping it. Well, Ronnie, if you're feeling guilty, why don't you show NeNe Leakes how one should apologize? Listen,

Martin Luther King, I'm sorry that you're upset, and I'm also sorry that you're upset and i'm also sorry that you're so damn defensive okay the end i said i was sorry if i if i offended anyone who likes quote unquote martin luther king i'm sorry i'm sorry okay love your speeches though okay um so where were we uh i think i think he's off i? I think Ronnie had a nightmare, not a dream. I think he's going through a nightmare right now. Okay. I'm letting it go.

I'm letting it go. So following this very important discussion on race and mothers dying and broken friendships, we have a segment of Andy talking with everybody about their boobs. Because, you know, that's what's important. Yeah, he's like, it's like everyone's boobs. He's like, your boobs are on fleek. I love your boobs. I can't stop staring at your boobs.

Wow, your boobs. Look at your boobs. Look at your boobs. Wow, Nini, look at your boobs. I really enjoy that, like, our connection cut off while you were saying boobs, boobs, boobs. Skype is like disconnect. Who are you kidding? Well, so Andy, yeah, Andy does the boob thing.

And then can we get to the Dr. Jeff stuff? Yeah, wait, let's see here. Kenya and Portia. I like when Andy's like, so I guess all that praying didn't work then that you guys had. And then can we get to the Dr. Jeff stuff? Yeah, wait. Let's see here. Kenya and Portia. I like when Andy's like, so I guess all that praying didn't work then that you guys had. Okay. Nods at her own shit. Clips.

Nini a victim. Nodding at her own victim. Well, I love that. Well, I love that Andy says that. I love he's like, so I guess all that praying didn't stick. It's like, yeah, no shit, Sherlock. You just just air all the stuff they're saying behind Joe's back. You make them write these blogs and you force them onto this

reunion where they have to relive all this awful stuff. Of course it doesn't stick. You're the one who's tearing it apart. Yeah, he's like, aww, what happened? You happened. You did. Yeah. I learned it by watching you, Andy. I learned it by watching you. So i learned it by watching you so they

bring out dr jeff who i mean god bless this guy i don't have any faith in him as a counselor or a psychologist or whatever but you know what i mean that takes some patience to not go postal and just start smacking some bitches because he's one of the most patient people i've ever seen in my life yeah him with uh watching him with uh nini leaks it was like kermit and miss piggy you know like just not just in terms of like the size difference it was like little kermit and big miss piggy um and he was also sort of sitting there like kermit he sort of had his arm awkwardly around her and he's like nini i have your back i was just i was like all right i was like already upset that dr jeff was making concessions for her. Oh, God. He came on totally licking her butt.

And the setup was just hilarious because they made him sit right next to her. And she was leaning away like he was disgusting. Like completely bent over the couch trying to get away with him, looking at him like he had stink. And then they show the clip of her saying, well, you better worry about your license is what you should be worried about. So basically, threatening his license. And then Andy asks her and she says, you know, the whole thing

was, he came at it as, what is your problem with Nene? And then she goes through her version of events, which bitch, you know this was on TV and it's taped, right? And we can see this in clips. Where she's saying, yeah, you know, he's all these other people got to talk about their issues and their past with their mothers. And, you know, this one has a mother that didn't love her.

And this one has, you know, a husband who's not signing a, or whatever it was. This one has a grandpa who's dead. Wah, wah, wah. No one cares about me and my problems. dead when when when no one cares about me and my problems and then meanwhile by the way two things that i thought were noteworthy before the big breakdown happened ken i mean candy was the one being like oh see now uh i remember that like she was going off like before the session even started and they show a flashback of the fact that like when dr f is like i am here to represent all of you and she's like you don't know me like that it was like so it was like candy was right and then on top of that even porsche this is

porsche who thinks the underground railroad is an actual subway system she says well i was under the impression that like we were going to go through all of us and we just hadn't got to us we just started with you yeah we went down the line and we asked everybody and then everybody was saying that nini and then the next person would say and then nini like even person was you know why because nini's the fucking problem that's yeah because but even but even porsche understood how the therapy session was gonna go and for nini to act like it was gang up on her it's like no what it wasn't you may have felt ganged up but you were just first in line. Everyone was going to get their shit. Yeah. Nene. Oh, my God. All we really need to do is what my grandfather would do.

Get around the table and play some bridge. I bought some bridge mix. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly.

There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more, She is a heroine to some, as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List,

Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Selma Blair's gonna be there.

Because as we walked up the bridge with Selma. Selma. That's one thing I never knew about my grandfather. That he knew Selma. How does he know Patty and Selma? I thought they were cartoons. Wow, cruel intentions. Am I right? So then this becomes nini performance of her career with her glitter tit hanging out of her

jacket yeah that was while she's turning into in this performance her nipple is literally on the floor yeah like everyone kept on saying this is such a breakthrough for nini i think that meant literally for her boob breaking through that blazer it was like that thing was breaking through the fibers of the carpet okay that thing was like that thing was like trying to bust through the floor of the hotel so so nini starts talking she starts talking about like well she has problems she has a mother and then everyone starts talking to everyone starts talking then sympathetically and kissing her ass saying like well you know we you know we're a lot alike you know because my mom left me too or cynthia's like you know whether we're friends or ex-friends like i've always

appreciate all that you've done and you've come over across you've done so much you've come come come over so many overcome so many issues and everyone's like well you do so much you need the only one who wasn't doing that was candy who's sitting there like giving these looks like this is the most ridiculous bullshit i've ever seen and claudia claudia looked like she wanted to kill herself well but even claudia well claudia said something sort of nice where she's like i feel like you know we could off camera we could maybe like cry and be friends or maybe she said that afterwards but um so then nini starts like shaking convulsing, because, of course, she's probably had a bad taco. Nini came in here and she was like, why is Kenya getting all this attention about her mother abandoning her?

My mother sent me off to live with my nieces. And why is this girl crying about her mother abandoning her when my mother abandoned? First of all, what's with all the mothers abandoning their children? Mother, stop it. Stop it. OK, get an abortion or take care of your child like don't be just abandoning your child like make a decision anyway yeah or give it up for adoption my mother blah blah blah and then these women are so funny because they all try and bring it back around to their storyline kenya who hates nini and rolled her eyes the entire you know half the time nini was gone and kenya thought the cameras weren't on her she looked furious that this was happening but then when she thinks she's on camera she's like

nini we have so much in common we didn't even know i mean look at my my situation and with my it's like kenya okay we got it that's why she brought it up to take away from your situation and kenya's not gonna let her and then it becomes the battle of whose mother was more painful yeah and she's like i wasn't even coming for you when i first came on the show i thought we had a genuine friendship and then that was the moment where where nini started to like cry and lose it and then was like i can't i can't and so then nini leaves she's like breaking down she's she's bawling she's out of control she needs to do her makeup and this and that and people are hugging her and cynthia goes after her and phaedra and everyone and cynthia is like of course their giant wig is being ridiculous and they're all hugging her and then dr jeff is like

cynthia your pain i'm sorry nini your pain is your power and right now you were you were flying before and now you're soaring now you're just above the mountain i'm like what just because she cried i'm like i understand i understand that she like for sure let her wall down for a moment there and that she was letting herself be vulnerable but to what effect all she did was let herself be vulnerable she didn't like learn anything from it all that happened vulnerable she is a typical fucking bully you she was i agree you get them in a corner and suddenly they're a victim and then blah blah blah my mommy this my mommy that well guess what you know a lot of people had shitty lives and they don't act like that woman

you're an adult grow the fuck up i don't and also this was kind of her storyline in season one wasn't it kelly big red pointed this out on our facebook who can never talk about it and he would never speak about it this was like her season one storyline well season one was about her dad this one's about her mom but the but the thing is that like she uh you know i'm not gonna like take away the fact that she has some real issues with her mom that's like legit like her issues are legit um does she act like a monster though yes and so okay i do think that the sobbing i mean i think that she i agree with you total bully was cornered starts to cry i do think that some of the sobbing was came from like a real place but well what i don't get and what i did

not agree with was how afterwards when they brought her back when they were like well that was a breakthrough wow this is like a new nini. Like, you're soaring now. She's not doing any of that bullshit. All she did was cry. She, they got to a place. She did feel vulnerable. They got to a place. But there was no evidence of any personal growth there. There was no evidence.

She never admitted to doing anything wrong. She never apologized to anybody. The only bravery I saw was walking back to set wearing tinfoil shoes that's the only thing brave i saw i was like she can cut her feet like that the only thing brave was that she was going through this moment like basically with tits out you know like it was like a very strong like moulin rouge therapy moment and i think that like she uh there was i didn't think there was any sense of self-awareness. I think there was just like, OK, she let she let people in for a moment, which was nice. But she never let anybody in because she never got to say anything.

She just like got there and like cried so that they couldn't confront her about anything else. But basically, all was like securing decent tweets for the next six months. Yeah. And they all they all bowed down and everyone said this was a breakthrough but like i don't understand what made it a breakthrough nothing nini showed some emotion who cares it was all fake and she was doing it for the fucking cameras as usual she's an awful fucking human being she called someone a half breed didn't even have an apology fuck her fuck her you know some people when they break down then that's followed by an epiphany of like i guess i like oh my god i guess i do push away everyone and i guess i do do this and i guess

i'm not really willing to look at my faults because the truth is i can't look at my faults without like remembering my mother or some bullshit like that but she didn't even but she didn't even say that no yeah she was just sat there and she cried no um i'm very misunderstood oh yeah you're fucking misunderstood really when you call people whores and cows and half breeds that's not being misunderstood bitch okay we know english yeah it's like those serial killers like you know every serial killer finds jesus on death row they like they all become these jesus freaks because it's going to give them um some points with the judge when they go when they go get their uh retrial or whatever they get their death sentence hearing or whatever the hell it is it's like no susan sarandon sean penn fucking killed people the end okay take your fingers off

that glass yes i'm so glad that jesus forgave him and i'm glad that you forgave him but he's gonna die because he killed people get the fuck over it that's just how it is stupid oh yeah absolutely i mean i it really it really really bothered me and that um and that dr jeff was saying things like well you know what you know what's happened in nini's life is that she has helped people become successful and then they've turned their backs on her. I'm like, what are you talking about? It's like that fat bitch from Dance Moms.

Like, you did not bring anybody to Ciara, okay? That's not how, or Ciara. That's not how any of this happened, okay, Nene? You were on a reality show and other people became famous, more famous than you at the time anyway yeah and you got jealous and pissed and dumped them as friends and called them slave owners okay yeah exactly like you did not make anybody famous you did not like maybe you um help them get on the show that's fine but you know what though one thing that you do when you like help someone in life is that like a good person and i I'm not saying I'm necessarily this good person either, but a good person doesn't ask for something in return. And not only that, but she got, you know, people like Kim and Sharae.

She got them on the Housewives originally because Nini was the person who I guess she was like the point person Housewives. So she did get all the people on that show and they admitted it. But the thing is, they did her a favor by making it a successful show they were good yeah it's not like Minnie was left behind it's not like Minnie was left behind she still wound up more successful than all those women so for her to still be like holding on to this issue like I made

them successful and then they like shut the door on me it's like no they made themselves successful Kim made herself you tried to tear her down at any chance you got when kim had that song you called her a hum singer and said she was terrible and all this shit behind her back when you were supposed to be her friend you did everything you could to derail her you always did everybody on the show you still make she by charade jokes or whatever which who doesn't because

i mean they're amazing uh you're a fucking bitch shut up you didn't do anything for anybody as usual you give nothing to anybody but yourself you fucking cow shut up yeah i really was like i i really was not happy with having to sit through a half an hour of like nini ass kissing i mean she's just so the best lacking the best was at the end nini's sobbing and she's had this huge breakthrough. She is, her ass is like, there's a puddle on her seat from the licks that everybody has given her ass. Okay. Especially Dr. Jeff. What a fucking fool. He needs to not be in practice because he's never going to tell the truth.

But anyway, after all of this, this extended preview to make Nini a victim again, she goes, Andy says, anything else for Dr. Jeff before we send him back to his dog crate? And Nene's like, now, Dr. Jeff, would you have done things differently in that therapy session? That's still what she cares about. She still wants an apology from the fucking therapist about victimizing her in therapy. It's like she learned nothing. And you know, his ass kissing answer is probably the best he could give i know that a good therapist needs to make his clients happy you know when i was a checker at target and people would come back with holy underwear that they've worn before it's not my job to confront them about it and match the imprint to their butt it's my job to take their

money give it back to them and make sure that they spend it in the target again it's like shut the fuck up customer service terrible yeah yeah it makes me mad it makes me mad i think i think we have to just move on because i'm just getting furious you are do it do it i dare you um yeah my last note was would you do this counseling session differently and i just wrote bitch please no and then that's it that's all i had to yeah uh so would you rather let's do real half swaths of melbourne i need something light bin i know well can we actually can we talk about mother funders really quickly not like a lot but just a little bit oh sure i hated it you did i laughed so hard well i watched the first i guess 10 minutes of it last night. And I was laughing, laughing, laughing. And I stopped it because I thought, well, I'll take better notes tomorrow.

But then I didn't laugh today. It got on my nerves. It was for the record. It was a preview special. So don't everyone get worried that you're missing a new show. Yeah. What I hated about it was it was just too fake. It was it felt like something that should have been on Lifetime.

It was just, you know, I know all these shows are scripted to a certain degree, but this was a far cry from Game of Crowns, which sort of had that same kind of like vibe of like picture-perfect ladies acting terribly. This one was, it bothered me. I didn't like any of the characters. I thought the main woman was annoying and her big rival, this white woman, was, it bothered me. I didn't like any of the characters. I thought the

main, the main woman was annoying and her big rival, this white woman was so over the top. It was like, she, like, she should have been fired. She made the entire thing seem fake. They had this feud. There was a, the vice president, she seemed pretty cool. And the rest is just like, not what it should have been. Like, I i i hated this show with a passion and um you know we'll cover it if it's what we have to cover but i'm not gonna like it i'm not gonna like it i didn't hate it as much as you did i um i was laughing really hard at first from just like random things they're like talking about how much they care about their kids and then i was like are they bobbing apples from a keg um which later wasn't a keg but that's how i started the show i was like okay i think i'm gonna love this show welcome to locust growth

where the mothers are very serious about raising buns and then you know carla the president's very serious because she's rolling a suitcase into school. I'm like, bitch, what paperwork do you have in there? I don't know. It was a little bit bad. But I did like certain parts. Like, she was surprised I didn't sell all my tickets. She's also surprised I didn't pull a unicorn out of my ass. But part of me likes it because I grew up in that world.

My mom was, you know, one of those mothers. And she was fighting with all the other mothers. And I remember the power struggle of, like, who's president? And, you know, what's that bitch doing? And they would make every, and by the way, I went to a Christian school. And every fundraiser, like our Halloween fundraiser, couldn't be for Halloween. So it was like All Saints Day, where you're celebrating saints that have died. And aren't the Satan, you know, aren't Satan who are trying to make you overeat and be gay.

So I remember all that stuff. So maybe I'm bringing my own experience into it. But I'm ready for Rhonda to rip someone a new asshole. That's my mom. I think that I think my my problem with it is that I see what you're saying. I think that the PTA or the pto is like a great world for like a reality tv show i think it'd be hilarious but i think what makes the pta so funny is that traditionally what's the the perception of the pta is it's a whole bunch of passive

passive aggressive backstabbing it's like quiet murmurs and like unhappy like women who then like sit there with smiles and they talk shit about each other afterwards they plot and they scheme and this one was just so over the top like the screaming and the woman she has like standing at a podium i don't believe that in a real pta meeting someone stands at a podium um uh it was just it felt like very raucous like it was trying to fit in with like a reality tv model and i think it should it would have been a lot funnier if it was truly like cameras fly on the wall like with a real pta situation yeah um and but of course that's you know networks don't believe we would want to watch that and i would love that where maybe the first

episode even feels slightly slow but with every subsequent episode you get to know these women and they are simmering issues with each other start to really just come out i mean honestly that's what game of crowns game of crowns was so funny and game of crowns was sort of like that too i mean that the women would fight but they would it didn't feel it was silly but they took they didn't go from zero to six yeah even if it was scripted even if it was scripted even if it was scripted in the way that like today we're gonna have lunch and you guys are gonna talk about your age like even if it's scripted in that way those women were really into that world like they were yeah whether the show was scripted or not those bitches are not

kidding i mean that didn't feel like with the joker face was not joking around like those were real people yeah it felt like it felt like a one it felt like mother funders went from zero to 60 immediately it was like boom they're screaming at the pta meeting and it just didn't feel real whereas with game of crowns they were like all nicey-nicey to each other which was hilarious but then they'd say shit and then eventually you know they'd say they talked shit about each other over the course of the episode and then eventually in the first episode it bubbles over to where two women are fighting in Tucson about wearing the same jumpsuit. And like, it's hilarious.

It's so hilarious. This one, I like the first five minutes because it was just showing the characters really fast. And I mean, that shit was funny. Most of the women they have on it are very funny. And it is very Southern, too. It's like, you know know the woman breastfeeding a five-year-old or whatever that was under a blanket like what is natural it is not natural you're not a slurpy machine get that thing fucking off of you my god it's old enough to do math get it off

your tit you know stuff like that was very funny or when she showed up to the formal the formal fundraiser wearing like a ribbon clip in her hair like there's certain like southern things that i just love so much but after they got past the initial characters they made 20 minutes of it about these two women fighting over control yeah over something that no one gives a shit about and why are you the president after seven years like yeah are your kids even in school what are you doing get out of here i don't know i. I mean, we have enough shows with women screaming and fighting. I just kind of want to see real moms dealing with each other. You know, I was excited for that. But the building blocks of a good story are there.

You know, you have one woman who's a tyrant. You have one woman who is like her bitter rival, but they need her because she raises money, and then that woman's going to bring in her friend who's left it all behind but is going to come in and maybe challenge the tyrant to take over. And they have a goal to raise money. It's actually the building blocks to what would actually be a really good movie. But it's just...

I'm hoping it was just bad editing. Because it might have just been that they said, you know, take that one fight and make it the whole thing. Because if the whole thing been that they said, you know, take that one fight and make it the whole thing. Because if the whole thing is just those two women screaming at each other fakely, I don't care. Yeah, it just didn't feel good. I did enjoy the moment where two women were fighting. And that one fat lady was like, she's mad and she's mad.

And I'm thinking, this is a good sandwich. Yeah, the moms on it seem very funny the lead two are the ones who seem yeah who seem awful the vice president see the vice president she she seems like a real person so like i was like down with her you know um and then the blonde one who's like new to it she was also entertaining feeding one she's hilarious she's like i just wanted to get out of my house and then they show her big fat husband standing around in a robe all day it's like i'd escape too you know those are the women i want to see that just want to escape their lives and go to pto for fun and to get drunk on fronzy in the back yeah i feel like actually

this show and of course i'll wait to see what the actual main show is like but this is sort of show where they should not have been so outwardly reality showish i think they should have been like bravo should have changed it up a little bit they should have pulled back the cameras put them on the wall and just have it be like almost in the vibe of like a waiting for guffman like it should have been like a slow burn uh and that's if it were on like ifc it probably would have been like that yeah it just seems to be a comedy not a drama because you know i i get that the argument would be well don't mess with the formula right but you have to mess with it the ratings for housewives are all tanking you're coming out with new housewives shows and naming them different things obviously your

formula is kind of are the ratings for tanking for Housewives? Yeah, they're going down. I mean, I don't know if they're tanking, but they're definitely on a downward spiral. They're not very high. They're not as high as they once were. Either way, this one... They're going down. That's why they're coming up with new shows and making them Housewives,

but calling them different names, you know? Well, either way, this one felt to me like a crappy show that would be on We or Lifetime. It did not feel... It just felt all wrong and i am like the first 10 minutes loved it and then the next one i was like was i high and yes i was but well i should be able to keep the same thing sober we'll keep an eye on it we'll check in again in june and see if the the premiere episode is better because it's just that opening with that

opening how could it not be amazing like choo-choo welcome to the tent of locust grove i'm telling you i was like how is this not amazing listen i have a pretty big threshold for shit like this i mean i was a big fan of big rich atlanta which was so beyond scripted but it was it cracked me up like the fights on that cracked me up but this one i was like no nope well i'm just hoping it was, it cracked me up. Like the fights on that cracked me up at this one. I was like, no, no, no. I'm just hoping it was some bad editing and that it's going to really be good, but I don't know.

I think they should just follow the breastfeeding mom around. Cause I like her the best ribbon clip ons. Yeah. All right. Well, let's go on to Melbourne. Let's move on to, and also didn't weren't locusts, like a sign of the end of the world in the Bible. I know. I was like, what a terrible name. Yeah. Darling, how awful. Satan has our children's hearts. And locust growth.

All right. Let me get to Real Housewives of Melbourne. The funniest thing about watching all these shows to me is still that I can take three pages of notes on a Housewives show. Like, I can't stop myself. I actually have to press pause because some of this shit is so funny uh we start real housewives of mail bin with wolfie and gamble shopping for a wedding ring um if they're darling would you like the would you like the princess cut or the cushion cut i like cushions but i'm afraid people will think I have sex parties on cushions, so I think I might do a princess.

But then princesses are sort of sexy, and they're like sex parties. There's so many rules on those. Last time I liked a princess, she was killed in a tunnel being chased by paps. I don't know if that would be good. How about a necklace, Wolfie? Excuse me, do you have a Wolfie card? Because I love my Wolf Pop. It needs to be a diamond that never gets quite hard, but it's still shiny all the same.

Oh, Wolfie! Oh, Wolfie. You know, it's very important that the diamond looks good with my Wolf Pop. Oh, such a successful diamond. When I look through the cushion cut angles, I can see 20 wolfies. A wolfie. Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but a wolf pup is my best friend. Wolfie.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend, and a wolfie is's gonna die faster than any of them will diamond is diamonds are forever and wolfie is is there a diamond shape for people who have been married 10 times because i don't think you still get princess cuts on like your 10th marriage. You know, when you're that old, get her a condo. Okay, it means more. Yeah. She can wear her old ring. Just find like a pebble on the street

and put it on a band. Darling, I got you a jelly bean. Darling, I'll be dead before I ever have to pay this off. Just pick whatever you want, buy the whole store for all I care. Put it on the Barclay card. I love when she said i've always loved diamonds it makes me feel like a girl and then they show a close-up of her not a girl hands it's like yeah editors you

i know little fuckers i think i think wolfie should just buy a bottle of diamond water and put the cap on her ring like oh wolfie it's such a big diamond it's like it should just buy a bottle of diamond water and put the cap on her ring. Oh, Wolfie, it's such a big diamond. It's like it could fit on a bottle. It's beautiful. Darling, I wanted to get you something really meaningful for our wedding, so I bought my own casket so you don't have to worry about it when I die in a few months. I'm Wolfie! Darling, I decided to get you a giant

diamond. It's called the baseball diamond. I had a bunch of little puppets go steal it from England. So then we move on to, she takes both diamonds home to try them on. And then we move on to Chica and her daughter shopping. There is nothing more awkward than watching Chica and her daughter

shopping. First of all, buy something with sleeves, both of of you if those women really had it at had your best interest at heart they would be giving you nice long sleeve sweaters and just call it a day turning well of course chica's always massively enthusiastic about everything she's like oh i rather like this is the this is the victoria beckham i just like her look i like the style of it it looks wonderful oh i like this dress too oh look it's a burlap sack i like it it's sort of like you know easy i like it you think brucey will like it oh he's a clutch everyone wants this clutch steve said more rats sold out everywhere oh look there's there's a piece of paper oh let's get this piece of paper it looks great oh what are you the checkout girl

oh i love checking out look at you pressing all those buttons good for you girl you're gonna make it i believe in you girl yeah good for you uh she's like oh we come to this shop and you know when you come to the shops these on the first floor the women dress you and then cut to the woman who's like 80 she's like you look really good in this show that's the show this blanket is also slippers you look delightful in it darling oh i've gotten you a parasol oh good i love a parasol i love anything i love an accessory i like anything that blocks me from the sun although you know what i love the sun isn't that sun great great part of the universe trying on hats for this event they're

going to which i'm not even naming the events anymore because they can't even derby they have so many events they cover like five in every episode yeah this was the derby only 11 episodes it's like five events a show chica's like well there's the derby. And there's only 11 episodes. It's like five events a show. Chica's like, well, there's the derby where the look is supposed to be black and white. And then there's the famish. And there's this and this.

And this is where you wear tissue on your head. And on this one, you're sort of like lacy and girly. And on this one, you wear a watch. And on this one, you wear glasses.

And Chica's trying on every hat in the shop. And he said, I just want something that looks like you, darling. Yeah, that's right. Get me a sideways vagina that your husband will ignore while he's off blowing the garden.

Do you have anything like that? Oh, perfect. That's it. It's like, how many sideways vagina hats can you have? It's just like a vagina ear horn coming out of Chica's hat. Derby day. Oh, it's derby day. Is it derby or derby?

I thought it was derby day. Derby or derby? I don't know. Derby. I'm not understanding English today. It's derby day, it's Derby Day. Is it Derby or Derby? I thought it was Derby Day. Derby or Derby? I don't know. Derby. I'm not understanding English today. It's Derby Day, and they all get there. And they all love the way this suite looks, which does look very nice, because Chica's big group, I think, designed it.

And it's the Lexus suite. And of course, as Chica excitedly puts it, you know, Lexus is so talented. They make all of their rooms, they're based on the theme of their car for that year. And this year, it's all about the grill. Yeah, so they have like a bunch of wicker. So then, my favorite

part... It's like chicken wire with roses hanging. Yeah. It's like when Alexis runs over a flower girl. It's a great theme. So my favorite part of that is that petty flora is just like gushing over she's like she's like oh you know what i love i love an out of the box idea and then it just cuts to lydia being like i do too yeah i do too and you know in lydia's head she's like is there other boxes here are we supposed to have a box

i didn't bring my box what's out of the boxes i need my daughter here to unload these boxes i don't see them but i'm sure they need to be unloaded you know all my children love moving I didn't bring my box. What's out of the boxes? I need my daughter here to unload these boxes. I don't see them, but I'm sure they need to be unloaded. You know, all my children love moving boxes. I had three men bring me boxes to my new house, and they became my sons. I love an out-of-the-box idea, because I have a great idea. Have some people take things out of boxes and put them in my house,

and they can be my children. I carried this box all the way from the derby. Janet, I didn't even have to kiss ass this year to get tickets because Shaker got me tickets. At this point, they're paying Janet not to kiss anybody's ass. Listen, please don't go to any polo players and try and kiss their butt cheeks. Please, okay? We'll give you free tickets. Just stay away from the young people and then meanwhile uh jackie shows up and with her hat she has like a a queen chess piece so it looks like she has a giant dildo coming out of her head which was hilarious

and then she's like oh shine shine shine it's a couture hat and i got it because sometimes i feel like i'm playing chess with everyone and then gina of course you know before i even say this one of my favorite parts about the melbourne housewives is they have like the worst comebacks of all and so gina's like just like oh well guess what you're not playing chess with me you're playing you're playing by yourself you're masturbating you're not playing chess you're masturbating like gina i love you but that was like a terrible association let's let that doesn't it doesn't work also no one understands in these reality shows how to play chess because they keep saying chess this yes that and then she's like i'm the queen guess what the queen doesn't win chess yeah you know that right you know you're second

place right now jackie she's like and you know what you are you're a bishop so check mate no you don't capture the bishop oh well you know what you're the rook because you're new here so you're like a rookie so you're a rook you're a chinese checker always trying to jump over everybody you're like you're like a gay man because you're like a rook and rooks only go straight so you're gay gina was all offensive this time for she had she's like you're masturbating then she had that thing where she was telling Gamble, yeah, you need to go ask her questions because, you know, petty floor isn't very interesting. I find that she's just a typical short person. You know, they're overcompensating for something.

Okay, there's the short people. Then she says, well, you know, I don't like wearing black and white. I feel like a waiter. It's like, how many people are you going to offend in one segment, woman? Jesus. Gina, this entire episode, Gina was pretty bad. Like, if this was the first time we got to know gino we would not like her i think i still love her i still think i love her but yeah she's a total bit but like we love her because we know the content we know the context of gino so it's just like hilarious that she just says these

things but like overall she was kind of the bitch all episode yeah she was like starting shit she was just being mean just ready to tear everybody down even her little best friend her little bestie yeah but she but you know what though uh she couldn't tear down chica's enthusiasm because chica was like the horse race she's like oh i just love this it's the horses over there oh look you can see the horses oh it's a little bit windy out a little bit of rain isn't this wonderful oh my god look at those horses racing they're almost just strong and amazing as lexus is aren't they lexus oh look at that you know what that horse needs a grill jesus she got calmed down over there wait to get horse leather seats darling

and i like how jackie gets very serious she's like you know it's a psychic uh i can't use my psychic ability to gamble because that would just be a violation so i only use it for good i'm like no the reason why you don't use your psychic abilities to gamble is because you don't have any psychic abilities and if you gambled and lost it'd be very obvious that you don't have anything you're not speaking to the angels or the demons you're speaking to yourself in your own head yeah whenever it comes time to prove it it's oh i can't do that it's against the rules jesus doesn't like you doing it near a church you know we're near a church i've got my google map set uh lydia was on fire this whole episode every fucking thing lydia said she seemed like she was kind of spaced out like

vikodin out and And she was just hilarious. And I don't even know why I'm writing it down, but I laughed every time she came on. Everyone's like, Oh, this is Yves Saint Laurent. Oh, really?

This is Ralph Lauren. I wonder if they're related. And then it goes to Lydia. This is from a local designer named Macho. She's like, she doesn't even know what it is on her right. She's like... She doesn't even know what it is on her head. She's like, it's my new beret. No, honey, that's not a beret.

No. I love berets. I love strawberries. I love blueberries. No, no, no. Those are berries, not berets. Oh. Figaro loves hats. I always put a hat on figaro gamble says before we leave the party i want to announce the party for dog racing and lydia goes i know who's gonna win

figaro will be the fastest dog by far what are we having them do again? Then we get news that Tempest's face is healed and she's going to be coming to a party. And Janet is like semi-scared and semi-excited to start shitting. Janet is so fake. She can be fighting with somebody. She is. She's so fake.

She's like, oh, I heard that Tempest had a facelift. There's a good dog. Oh, good. I'm so happy for Tempest. Good. I'm so happy for her. Tempest. And then it goes to Janet saying, I hope she didn't get too much plastic surgery because you don't want to look like you've been sucking a cock all night.

I love the Melbourne Housewives. I love that. Janet is so shady. So then they start talking about another event which is petty floor's book launch and gina is like i'm gonna invite all moroses my plus one i know so they all call her amarosa i hope amarosa doesn't find out she's quite famous in america gina is so shady she's listen i'm not sure about how her book launch is gonna go she's got one paragraph i'm not sure how you bind it you know i mean i've written

posts on facebook longer than that i hope amarosa doesn't get mad by the way i think the the the constant amarosa crossover with this show is my second favorite uh franchise crossover behind of course malibu country on real housewives of orange county it's like it's like it just keeps on popping up and it's sort of like so bizarre that these two things are related but they are oh lydia says really inappropriate things, but never understands. I don't even think she knows what she's talking about. Like when she's in the car with Petit Fleur, this was before, by the way, they're on their way to this event. And she's telling Petit Fleur, how tall are you?

Four feet? I mean, it's adorable. And Petit Fleur is like, no, I'm actually bigger than 5'2". I'm 5'2", darling. She's like, really? she doesn't believe it then later she's like she's like five are you two i don't understand which one is it then later they go to petty floor's book launch and lydia's like your poster is wonderful it looks just like you tiny and dark dark. I know. With a bubble butt. I was like, it looks nothing like her, actually. It looks like a piece of clip art.

Yeah, exactly. From like the old, what was that thing, that program on the Mac, like Mac Paint? Hypercard. It's like, did you design this in Hypercard? Yes, because I'm very hyper and I love cards. Because that's just me. By the way, I love how, so the new thing with Pet thing with petty floor she decided that like her trademark thing is that she snaps she says switch the beach and she snaps and she's like because that's what i always do switch the bitch switch the bitch switch the bitch i'm like what you've never snapped once on this show every fagito burrito in america versus petty floor the case begins well the way that she snaps also

is like that annoying snap it's not like a super gay snap like girl she like snaps like she snapped me out you're like hurry up hurry up switch the bitch i'm like no that's not fun that's how i snap at bueller when i don't want him jumping up on me it's like you're like down down it's like yes you know this is my logo snapping first of all a logo cannot snap okay no there's like a little it like little, you see the little finger and the thumb and you see like little marks that are like, the finger and thumb are in motion. This is my logo snapping because one time I was poor and that's what we did. We would snap for music because we did not have Spotify like kids today. So we would snap a lot and maybe hum something.

You know, my sequel is going to be called Hum with the Bitch. Okay. and maybe hum something. You know, my sequel is going to be called Hum with the Bitch. Okay. You know, one thing that I do when I like to switch the bitch is I like to cross my arms

and wink my... move my nose and then everything changes and then I go back into, like, a bottle. And I like to call it I Dream of Petty Fleur. It's my new thing. It can't be trademarked.

It's a title. You're almost dark enough in that poster to be one of my daughters. You're so short, do you want to be my daughter, then you can take things out of the box. That's my out of the box idea. Well, then what I love speaking about like, like amazing ideas that all the women pose in front of the step and repeat and then petty flows like and then I had this great idea. I said,

everyone, lift up your lift up your foot that we way you're in the switch the bitch pose and you know that's just what you do when you are you know when you are a bright person when you just have all the ideas when you're like the main person when you're in touch with your woman that's what you do you come up with great ideas like that i'm like congratulations you told everyone to lift up their legs always thinking guess who else lifts their legs up? Dogs. Okay. And flamingos. And by the way, also... Flamingos. I want it to be like one of those yards in America with all those lovely pink burns

pretending to drink water out of the fake grass. Those flamingos, they have switched their bitch, okay? They don't need to stand on two legs. They lift up a leg and they sit things and they look pretty, okay? They took their heads out of the sand finally and now they can be flamingos now they can wait you know what because powerful people can wait in water you know what i always say to that ibis you know what ibis you'll be more like that flamingo um but you know what though the funny thing is like

that is so not a powerful stance like if you want to like get in touch with your inner power you know like a powerful stance as you stand with like two legs with your arms crossed that's power but like to like stand with like one leg like that and snapping that's like that's actually a very dainty stance let us let us show our power as women by leaning daintily against the wall and lifting our lifting our ankles in case there are old men with money who might see this yeah exactly oh god it was awful well so then one thing one bone of contention in this whole issue is that because gina originally i believe gina was the one who started as you mentioned before started this thing like well does she have a publisher is there a publisher there so then then cut to petty

she makes a stupid speech. And then she's like, and now I'd like to open up the floor to a Q&A. And then Gamble's like, who's the publisher? Oh, my God. That shit was hilarious. And Gamble, Gina did set her up to it, literally set her up to it in the car. She's like, here's what I think you should ask Petty Fleur. Ask her if she's got a publisher.

Ask her how many words are in there. Ask her why she's black on her cover. Ask her if she's got a publisher. Ask her how many words are in there. Ask her why she's black on her cover. Ask her if she's trying to look like Omarosa. And then ask her why she's got a penis. Or ask her all of this in the press. And Gamble's like, okay. And then it gets to the moment. And Gamble is shit.

I mean, she is so scared. She's standing there and she's like, Who's your publisher? But then her eyes are kind of shifty. Like she is just terrified of what's about to happen. And I just love it. And Genie's just sitting back there with her wig, like an aging, like Frenchie from, you know, Grease 2. The best was Janet immediately mocking her in her interview.

Janet's like, Who's your publisher? I thought you were for sure. I thought you were going to record that on your little app and play it on the on the podcast i didn't do that this week because i know i was being really annoying i'm trying to figure out how to do it in a way where i can play it for you that it's not like blasting in your ear every five seconds oh ronnie you're awful then you're my only relationship in life i've got to keep it healthy darling well uh then of course petty floor you know, a perfectly fine response. She says, oh, it's self-published, which means that for everyone who is looking for some summer reading, some beach reading, we have two self-published novels happening on Bravo. We have Demetria and Petty Fleur publishing their two little crappy novels.

Oh, man. I cannot believe I did not have this up. But we are going to have to read some reviews for Switch the Bitch because the reviews came in this week. Yeah. And as usual, our lovely listeners have posted them on our Facebook, and the shit is amazing. Hold on. Let me go. Amazon.com.

What's Gina's book? Gina. Gina's. I don't remember Gina's book. What's her last name? Liana. Liana. Gina. I don't remember. What's her last name? Liana. While you look that up, I'm going to I'm going to mention my favorite quote, which is that, you know, because they started to confront Petty Fleur about her book and night and i was like that is such a clunky way of describing the night like i'm just imagining a banner like welcome to bash petty

fleur at her book launch night yay still always working always working look i came up with a new title just like that because i'm a woman who thinks was's a business, okay? Yeah. I have to say, I know I haven't read her book, but I thought Gamble's assessment, it seemed like a, you know, when she said that she thought it was offensive that it was telling women, like, if their husband ignores them to then go out with their friends and not tell their husband. And how it was, like, offensive, basically telling women to be a bitch. If that's true, I mean, the book sounds pretty vile. Well, that's what the reviews say. And I'll read them right now. I have them come up. But I don't want to forget to say that gamble is so funny to me she's like uh the reason i had questions because i don't understand who has a book and then they don't have a publisher because i'm in the business because i have an article in a newspaper zine, and it's called What's Hot with Gamble?

And I would come in, and my editor would say, how could you give me this baby white bullshit crap, you stupid stripper whore? And I would say, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, it's very important to have someone to shape your way. But she's kind of right. Just sing Gamble. First of all, what's hot with Gamble? Come on. What is in that article? What's hot with Gamble?

Scruggles that go down to the knees. All the girls are talking about them this week. Thankfully, I have Wolfie. Wolfie, what's hot with Gamble this week? Wolfie. Next week. What's hot with Gamble this week? Well, it would have to be Wolfie.

If young man can't take his balls and wrap them around his head like a tiara, you're wasting your time. What's hot with Gamble? Wolfie. What's hot with Gamble? What's hot with Gamble? Well, it's summertime, which means the weather is hotter and what's even hotter is water. And then they basically come right,

both Gina and Gamble. It's like, congratulations, Betaflor, you did it. And she actually let the thing go. She didn't confront them about their rude questions during her thing. It was shocking. She's like, oh, it is wonderful to be here with women and celebrating a book. And women read now.

Thank you. Women can read. You know, thank you, America. Thank you, Obama. It's like, oh, shut up. Then Gamble's like, yes, but is it written on toilet paper? Is it written on the back of a paper bag? Is it written on a bathroom wall?

When is it written? And Gina's just like, yeah, you know what I know about your book? That it sucks. Congratulations. You know, this should be called Switch the bitch colon this book sucks all right it should be called switch the lights off and this book will be better if you can't even read it i hope this isn't this should be called switch the bitch i hope this is never in braille because blind people have enough pain without having to read this it should be called switch the

fitch as in go to abercrombie and fitch and you'll feel bad about yourself looking at those hot people than reading this book sorry that was very forced i don't know where i was going with it i like those the best sometimes um okay reviews oh so then gamble's like oh you know this is about women who i mean and they just i had to stop read the part where you got to a woman living off of a man and then apologizing to him because she's afraid to lose all of her money i mean how disrespectful i had to put it down i love that she's so obvious that she's picking, of course, the chapter that's like Trophy Wives. Don't be a Trophy Wife. Get a job. And she's like,

I couldn't read anymore. She's like, I had to put it down, but that's also because the book was a little too heavy for me. Back when I used to be a stripper, I could do it because I was climbing up those fire poles. Firemen.

Strip. Strip. Back when I worked at a strip mall as a fireman, I had to do it. All right. So the reviews. Don't worry. This won't be too long because there's only 10. This shit gets good because it goes between the reviews of both of these books.

Okay. Ridiculous. Obviously. Really? This is how she avoids relationship problems lol having a lack of manners is hardly an anecdote or a way to behave in order to manage your life this book is ridiculous as is her formula most of this is common sense that most intelligent women already know the rest is about manipulation dishonesty and playing games if this is meant to make a woman strong we're in in big trouble. A waste of time and money. Ditch Switch the Bitch, one star.

Absolute board to read, total waste of money, one star. I'd recommend any of those before this book. Poorly written, a complete board to read. One book, this book was terrible. This is the headline. This book was terrible. I can't believe that a professional editor and dot, dot, dot dot because they were so mad that they couldn't even write a concise title yeah um and then this one is i can't believe that a professional editor and publisher

were involved in putting the slop out there oh wait they weren't at least that is my guess so and that's basically all of them switch the bitch no ditch the witch so they're very funny because they basically all just say this is not empowering at all this is awful for women so then you switch over to giner's book which for those of you wondering is called fearless oh that's right fearless my life my way Crosswalks without lights. Not afraid. Canadian geese. Not afraid. Popsicles that have their wrappers torn a little bit.

Not afraid. Key chains. Not afraid. Poking myself with a mascara pencil. Not afraid. Library cards that have a little bit of dust on them not afraid so before the review started coming in for petty floors book the reviews for gina's were like five stars every review and there's only four or five of them but the and they're also from verified purchasers which is a big deal on amazon because when you're listen i know because

i buy diet pills off amazon a lot and you know the ones that are fake because none of them have verified reviews like people who actually shop there none now in her defense none of pedoflores that i can see at least on the front page, are verified reviews. So these are probably just all mean fans. Not that I doubt that the book is awful. But anyway, Gina had like a solid five stars from her four reviews. And then the day that all these bad reviews came out for Petaflora, then this suddenly shows up the same day on Gina's. There are plenty of women who have been through tough times and have survived.

Is it because Gina comes from a more privileged background that she's applauded? Watching her on The Housewives of Melbourne shows that she is quite resentful, arrogant, spiteful, and condescending for the most part in her behavior. She has no appreciation for the accomplishments towards another self-made woman, Petiflor Berenger. How tacky and catty she is. She isn't the least bit supportive towards Petiflor and the accomplishments she's made. You'd think she would be.

Hmm, dot, dot, dot. Yes, I do think there's some prejudice there because of who and where Petiflor comes from. Yes, I said the obvious. You've got to be in denial or just dumb to not see through Gina. Gina is not as exceptional as she wants people to believe. She's just a jealous female who wants to limelight

and can't handle any woman with a mind and will equal greater than hers. Which, nice sentence, Petaflor. You didn't have an editor for this review either, I see. She's a classic case of how women can be competitive and backstabbing towards one another. Very sad and backwards. That's why she loves Gamble so much.

Gamble worships Gina, and that's what gina wants from other women okay obviously this is written by pedoflora because it uses pedoflora by name in it nobody knows that bitch's name and then she calls a racist i mean come on all that's missing is calling gina ned kelly pedoflora if your book was written this well, you're in trouble, bitch. Switch the bitch. Yeah, bad omens for Eddie Expert there.

But believe it or not, there's still more to this episode. This is only like halfway through because there was yet another event. It was Gamble's hen's party. Oh my god, the hen's party. The hen's party. And I brought my stepson. And I also brought my sister, Tempest. And Wolfie wasn't there because he was somewhere else.

He was at the mortuary. Wolfie was in the walk-in refrigerator because that's where I put him down to nap to save him. That's how he's made it so far past the expiration date. Oh, and I'm eating eggs I bought last year. Wolfie was at the soup plantation getting an early bird special, so I had a hens party.

This whole thing started crazy. Gamble's whole family is insane. Tempest got her facelift done tempest by the way now that she's had all of that extra stuff on her face looks even more insane like you can actually look pretty good i thought she looks pretty good she looks pretty good she does look pretty good but i'll leave i'll leave it up to uh who said it janet gina who said someone oh yeah it's like oh she looks wonderful her her god was it jan i don't

know whose voice i'm even doing but they were like oh she looks wonderful with that surgery but she might need to go back to get the rest that was jan no no that was petty flirt that was petty flirt because first petty flirt says you know what i think that women need to you know don't if you're going to get the plastic surgery you need to be subtle about it because you know what like too much you look like a clown and then like janna comes out she's like you know what i think it was too subtle she may need to have another surgery like you definitely did switch the bitch there we're doing power women you switched exactly what you were saying but i also like i think it was jan who's like i've never been to a hen's night where they had an extravagant entrance for someone who had plastic surgeries that was funny she's like hello everybody welcome to the hen party 2015 and now for my less ugly

sister canvas but by the way i loved um the the theme was like secret agent i love gina's like uh uh 60s mod hair that was fantastic um also i liked um uh what's her face is a gamble's uh stepson her her gay stepson uh that was hilarious when they had that conversation she's like you know what when i first met you i hated you and she's like oh i didn't much care for you either and then he was like but yeah i thought you were a whore and a gold digger and just someone i would do not want my my dad to marry and he's like and now she's like and now you realize i'm all those things but you like me and and i and they both laughed and i was like you know what that was actually a very cool moment that was so cute because the gay misunderstood son becomes friends with the old kick to the side stripper you know to make dad happy it was cute and also that kid's kind of

the serial killer from american horror story this season dandy slash the son lily tomlin's son in flirting with disaster oh my god yes um but he was really cute because he's very you know he's an awkward gay and i loved it he's like yeah i just thought you were a horror gold digger she's like i was but now we're friends yeah you don't know I like that kid. Then she said to the camera, Little did he know, his father had already been dug. Yeah. Well, she was like, listen, she's like, you know what?

If I was a gold digger, I wouldn't be going for Wolfie. You know what though? As much as we're like, we're being kind of mean to Wolfie by being like, oh, he's going to go to the mortuary. Wolfie is so sweet. And you know what? I actually like Gamble in her own kooky way. And I love their stepson. So don't be confused. I like them all.

Don't start rumors. I hate rumors. Gamble is my current fave of the wives. I love her. Well, I love all these women, actually. But Gamble's definitely hysterical. And her son is very funny and her husband is adorable but you know you got to make jokes about the most obvious thing or otherwise

we'd have to think before we actually did a show and the easiest thing is exactly okay meanwhile i felt i felt absolutely terrible for lydia at that hens party because she probably was wondering the entire time like so when do we get our secret mission? I know we're all assembling here, so I'm wondering, are we supposed to go somewhere and infiltrate? I don't understand. I thought this was a gold bond party, and I put it all over my back. I can't even feel my back.

I don't understand. If we're supposed to be secret agents, how can we all know that we're all secret agents? Doesn't seem very secret to me. And why does no one call him Jimmy? Do you know, these handsome waiters with their shirts off, they're kind of like my sons. Because they bring me things.

Except I'd get in trouble if I'd let them sit on my lap and rub it around. Yeah, Lydia was hysterical this whole time. She was really good with those strippers. Yeah. The hen's night really became hilarious when Gamble pretended that she had a strip yeah i'm really yeah here's the truth i've i went to a strip club one time with my girlfriends after i was working in an office and i went there and i saw a stripper and i've had a phobia ever since. It's not a dramatic story.

The most dramatic part is that you were a secretary. The only strippers that I like are the strippers that look like they're from the cast of Cocoon. Give me a huge crone stripper and I'll be happy. It's terrifying. It's real. It's a ph phobia i'm scared of strippers

oh wolfie save me and then of course everybody's like yeah it's because she's a hole yeah the only reason why she's scared of strippers is because it reminds her that she was a stripper then meanwhile she's like squirming like a cat being held against its will. She's like. I'm like, lady, you should be happy. You should be like Janet. Janet, that horny biatch was like pulling the strippers, like not just like getting a peek. She was trying to pull the whole thing off. And I was like, God bless you.

She had her fingers in those things like she was bowling on two lanes. Damn, Janet. Calm down over there, lady. We get it. your vagina still works all right congratulations god bless her god bless her lord i don't know if that woman subscribes to magazines or anything but i hope there's some kind of package for lube because you know that she's over there using plenty of it month to month stop it janet we don't need to know about your vagina's wetness control. Stop it. It's gross. And then, and then, and then I have to say one thing before we move on, because it was Lydia. I was going to say this earlier. Gamble, look at Gamble's outfit. Gamble's like a little bunny because she, you know, I look at her and hop, hop, hop, hop,

hop, hop, hop. I'm like, get it together, girl. What? What does any of that even mean? I know. She also said something else where, oh, you know, it was when Gamble was like showing off her, showing off the diamond at the hen's party. And then Lydia pulls, in the interview, she pulls up, she shows her ring. And she's like, be this Gamble.

Ooh. Congratulations. You got it. Ew. Congratulations. You got it. You got it. Yeah. Yeah, she was drunk today. I loved it. Yeah, Lydia was making no sense.

She said something, though, because she also said, I have to hand it to Gina. I mean, she really showed up looking wonderful for the hen's party. I wonder how long that took her she probably started at 1 a.m Lydia's like I couldn't help but wonder where was all the bird feed I thought it was supposed to be a hen's party I didn't see a single hen Figaro I was gonna bring Figaro because he loves chasing chickens glad I didn't why did the hen cross the road? Who cares? She's not in the joke.

Here's Andrea. So then there are two things that happen at the Sands party. First, Tempest and Janet made peace and then they make peace and it seems like everything's hunky-dory and then Gamble comes over and Janet's like,

yes, we just made peace, but you know what? I have to say I'm rather annoyed at you because you knew it was wrong and I knew the lies were wrong. Oh, yeah, they have this whole conversation. Like Janet, what do you think? Oh, God.

Janet's like, I don't blame you for being angry, Tempest, because I have a sister and if someone did that, I would be furious too thank you thank you big sister time and then like and then immediately Janet just brings it up again and then like tempest thankfully was like let's just can we just stop it's all ridiculous and then afterwards Janet and gamble John was like can we

just agree to put it to bed once and for all i'm like you do that every single week like how many weeks you have to put it to bed bringing it up i know it's like jesus put it to put it to a coma i'm annoyed with you for starting this with your sister and she's like oh god meanwhile gina even gina's coming again well gina's like so i couldn't help but notice you were uncomfortable with the strippers does that mean you hate strippers does that mean you were a stripper i can't help believe it uh i think that the rumor started with your with your makeup artist because your makeup artist does makeup for strippers did you know that did you know that and

she's just sitting there like she has this gotcha moment and gamble's not even talking about it gamble's like my makeup artist has makeup for the prime minister. Which I was also like, I don't think that's true either. I think somewhere, you guys are both just like lying to each other. Gina was just clearly trying to stir shit up. And Gamble, I don't even know. She does the makeup for the prime minister and for the early bird at McDonald's. No, Mama's never looked so good.

She does the makeup for Alicia Silverstone. It's totally random, people. Don't tell me that about my makeup artist. I'm going to be terrified to get my eyelashes put on next time. I am.

Yeah, Gina was starting shit with her. What else was I going to say here? I've just put a big star by it. Oh, yeah, Sean Sean. Jackie, back to Tempest. Tempest is, like, so beaming with her new face. And Jackie's like, darling, I've never met you before, but I'm a psychic. So I saw a psychic vision of what you looked like before.

It was awful, darling. You look much better now. You are horrifying in my vision. I mean, God, what shins, darling. You were like the Kentucky Fried Chicken man with ten faces, darling. Awful, awful. But you look good now, then. Oh, darling, I have a psychic vision.

And I think that psychic vision was Jabba the Hutt. So you've done a really great job. I'm so glad you've come so far. So I just wrote, Janet keeps going, stripper phobia, stripper phobia. I wrote stripper phobia five times because I loved it. Tempest apologized. Gina rumors. She's supposed to be my friend.

Gamble. I think that's basically it. I think we got all the melbourne that's it right oh so chica chica did something today we need to talk about i'm very surprised chica chica everyone thinks chica is the innocent one but what does she do she gets a naughty hands gift oh chica she's like here this is a this is a dildo and it's on a belt so you can wear it for wolfie my husband loves it it saved our marriage darling no one wants your peg chica oh chica so naughty a peg for wolfie and i guess that's all i got there oh and then they had one

of those little tanga egg things it's like a little masturbator toy, which I don't know why you're giving that to the woman. You know those are for penises, right? Yeah, yeah. That was young. Oh, but you know, because Wolfie money is all the help that he can get, probably. Well, you know, do the helicopter, darling. It feels like aerobics for the penis. You don't need to be squeezing the blood out of that thing, all right?

If anything, get her a nice strong trash tie keep that thing strong for an hour all right where are we now blood sweat and cancer cancer has never looked so good on a reality show oh daisy okay here's what i have to say about daisy i love daisy and as she's sitting there crying over her pills i felt on one hand i felt so bad for her i was like oh my god this must be so scary for her but the other hand i was like girl why did you go to this party when you need your cancer meds like this is your life like stop leave this show take care of yourself this show is getting in the way you almost didn't get the meds you almost died and you went to you in time like why are you ordering them after you're already out i know come on let's be

responsible with the cancer pills i felt so bad for her she looked so scared to remind me of being a kid and like like my mom was late to pick me up from school and i got scared i thought i was alone i like start to want like cry but it's like at the same time, girl, you put yourself in that position in like two or three different ways. Like, don't do that, Daisy. We love you. Don't do that to us. Yeah, my dad left me at school all the time. Actually, he always forgot to come pick me up because my mom was busy at Junior League on those days.

And he just wouldn't come. He'd come at like six. I was sitting there for two and a half hours. It was an abandonment. You know, it was working father. You know, I had to look at it a different way it's kind of funny because for this week's episode of blitz when he was the first half i thought was kind of boring i kept on getting distracted on my phone but the second half i could not stop watching because the second half was pretty much like is daisy gonna get her pills

is she gonna get her pills and like what's dimitri going to do about, like, Micah and Chantel making noise? Oh, my gosh. So good. Well, Daisy has a lot of irresponsible, a lot of irresponsibility issues. They showed her again today laying in her bed of bills. Like, she spreads all of her bills out on the bed and lays down in the middle of them while she's talking to a wig designer. It's like, look, if you can't pay your bills, don't be bragging about your wig stylist. You can't be spending all your money on a wig stylist when you owe money for cancer.

Okay, that's going to look bad to the credit people. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, I mean, Daisy had cancer and then she got a cat scan from someone in an Armani suit that didn't fit. And she thinks she's free now and didn't even call her mother. I know, that was bad. I know. She needs to take some tips from Amber and call

everyone on the planet. And Instagram. Yeah, Instagram. So it starts out today, Micah has met a man. She's met a man and Daisy's met a man. And Daisy's over and they're hanging out and Daisy, they start singing a song about how all Daisy wants is a glass

of wine and cancer has robbed her of wine. And Micah's like, yeah, girl, it's like you're pregnant. With cancer. And then we go to, I mean, she's honestly one of the happiest cancer patients I've ever seen. God bless her positive attitude. I really like Daisy. And I'm glad that her cancer turned up to be okay. cancer patients I've ever seen. God bless her positive attitude. I really like Daisy.

And I'm glad that her cancer turned up to be okay. Yeah, for now. I hope it stays. Demetria and Melissa, why are they even talking? Are they friends? Why do I have that they're talking? Did they actually talk? They are.

I don't know. She's talking about her book. She's like, yeah, the book's coming out. The book's coming out quickly. And I don't even know what to do with myself. It's coming out. It's like, this is real. This is happening. What am I doing? I'm self-publishing. It's like, shut up, Dem's coming out. The book's coming out quickly. And I don't even know what to do with myself. It's coming out. It's like, this is real. This is happening.

What am I doing? I'm self-publishing. It's like, shut up, Demetria. I don't care. Yeah. And also, Demetria says this in every scene she's on camera when she's talking to us. She goes, I beat up Plattigawedig and book launch. It's a big deal.

It's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's extra. It's extra, extra. She's being very extra right now because I'm doing a wedding and a book. Yeah, it's a big deal it's a big deal it's like extra it's like extra extra like she's being very extra right now because i'm doing a wedding and a book yeah it's like a big deal i mean she had a play and like her eyebrows are frowning but i have a wedding so it's big it's a big deal yeah so yeah it's a big deal for her so good to her and i love that she says listen i don't want you to bring a date into my wedding because you know i like if you're going to bring a date i need to be able

to call him at two in the morning when i need him otherwise i don't want him at my wedding yeah she's like i have a lot to do like because i'm self-publishing so i've got to do all the publicity like this is this is hard like i don't know this could like change everything it's 2am hi this is melissa's date hi it's a big deal it's a big deal big deal okay it's a big deal but be quiet be quiet do not hang up at me at two in the morning i'm sending back your wedding gift i'm sending it back be quiet this is a big deal no talking while i'm talking about my book bitch no one at your wedding wants to answer your phone call at two in the morning shut up with that who even says that that's so arrogant listen you're not doing a favor by inviting people to your wedding okay you they

are doing you a favor. They are buying a suit. Well, in my case. They're getting clothes to wear. They're getting their hair done. They're putting aside a day of their lives. And they're spending a hundred goddamn dollars on a gift for you, okay? You're not the favor-doer here, all right, Peggy?

Peggy, Peggy? Believe it or not, I think I know what she was trying to say. I don't think she was saying she's going to call them at two in the morning. She just wants people that she feels really close with at her wedding. Whatever. Yeah, but then the reason I'm already annoyed with it is because of what's coming next week. I have to put my

annoyance in check and pretend that I don't know anything yet. I get it. I get it. But yeah, I just don't like general arrogance of people who have weddings. Like, I know it's a huge day for you. You put a lot of work into it, but guess what? doing that for yourself you're doing it for a huge day for yourself it's going to be wonderful and the most romantic day of your life and you should put effort into it but don't be acting like you're doing me a favor by asking me to be a bridesmaid

in your wedding because that means i have to plan it means i have to buy two outfits means i have to put up with your awful friends and pretend you're not a total cunt for a day. Okay. Yeah, exactly. So if you're frustrated, take it out on your Instagram wedding planner. Exactly. Do it like Sheena. Do it like Sheena. You know, have like, Why isn't this happening?

Thriller is on my iPod. This wedding is fucked. This is the part where Can't stand the rain is supposed to play did you say can't stand the rain is supposed to play this is the part where we're supposed to hear debbie gibson and it's not this wedding is fucked you know why because i really can't stand the rain where is the samantha fox i don't hear any of it this wedding is fucked um i like that we saw davidria talking about it's a big deal

talking about her book and stuff and then talking about her book some more and then talking about her book some more and then we see the cover of her book called don't waste your pretty all i wrote down for that was that's a cute name knowing what we know but it's also kind of a good name for a diet book it's like listen you're only 30 once don't be 30 and fat don't waste your pretty you don't want to be losing weight when you're 40 trust me um you should um uh we should just like switch the titles of her and petty floors books it should be like switch the pretty and uh don't waste your bitch don't waste your bitch exactly oh god i like that she kept talking about retweets like what if nobody retweets my book i mean the party's you know yeah the party's like gonna be great and people are gonna come to the

party but the thing is it's not just like to give people drinks. It's so that they're going to come and tweet about it and like retweet it. And then other people will see it and they'll be like, oh, look at that person tweeted it. And then they'll retweet or maybe favorite. I prefer retweet because those actually go on your timeline. But like a favorite's nice still. Like shut up. Get a fucking publicist.

But it's so hard because I have to get it on iTunes. Oh, my God. Fill out the form. What is wrong with you? I know. I think then also before the book launch happened, we had a scene with Arso and Yesterday. And, you know, Yesterday has just been working hard because he has a bad label. And he's working.

He just wants to be a man. You know, he's traditional like that. He wants to take care of me. And I want him to take care of me and i want him to take care of me too because that's important to me yeah it's important to find a man who's going to take care of you and buy you everything jesus christ i'm not even going on orzo i will say um that i liked her this week because she wasn't acting like a total asshole as far as all the family stuff goes like i still i was i was unmad at her this week for that oh good but i'm still not liking the fact that she's dragging some poor kid around who

should be having the time of his life being signed to a label even if it's being a poor person but he should have the time of his life and be worrying about making good music with his garage band loops not making some middle-aged woman with funky nostrils a living. No man is supposed to support you. Welcome to 2015, bitch. Get out of here. Well, it sounds like that's what he wants to do because he's sort of traditional. So I say all the more power to yesterday because also yesterday looks really sweet and nice.

Having them both sitting there crying because he couldn't pay her bills. I really wanted to barf on the TV. I know. I want you to pay for our bills, too, honey. And one day you'll be able to. But in the meantime, you know, you're my secret little happy button. And I love you. And that's it.

That's all that matters. And you know what? Like, he pays his side of the rent. And I pay mine. And he just can't pay more than that. And that's okay. But, you know, he wants to pay more than that and that's okay but you know he wants to pay more than that so you know right now we're just going dutch but don't tell my

parents that because they hate dutch people don't ask me they didn't ask to come to a country with dutch people in it they just ended up here because of a victimhood that's why they're so mad that i moved to new york because new york was was originally called New Amsterdam, and that's, you know, Dutch. They don't use scotch tape either, if it makes you feel better. They refuse to cook in a Dutch oven. They only use frying pans. Their least favorite movie is that movie with ed o'neill called dutch and don't you ever try to get them to go to pennsylvania and talk to the amish people

because they will not the pennsylvania doctor off limits to them that's just the way it is heavenly was gonna make dinner when he heard my parents were coming in town and he was making mexican jumping beans and i said God, it's already ruined. Forget it. We'll try next year. You know what? When I tell you yesterday to make brownies, I always tell him, if you're going to use cocoa,

make sure you don't have Dutch processed cocoa, because we all know how my parents feel about Dutch. They don't want double processed cocoa. It worries them about their grandchildren. I never was allowed to even touch rope as a child because my parents were afraid i was gonna play double dutch and that's like twice as much dutch that's like twice as much dutch and they can't do that perhaps we call it in our house double disappointment uh i never got into more

trouble than when as a child i was listening to Pass the Duchy on the radio. Oh, my God. They put me in a closet for five days. Could you imagine? It wasn't only a song about Dutch people. A black person was singing it. My mom just said, no Dutch people. And if you marry a black person, I'm going to murder you and stone you to death like they used to do in our country.

I mean, could you imagine such a song the song was actually advocating the uh advocating the passing of dutch people like it was like not just that there was dutch it was that we wanted to spread the dutch it was no good um then we move over to dating the short man which i'm not really sure about this date with micah because micah's not really herself at all until she, let's face it, until she's drunk. This sober Micah, this Micah who showed up for lunch last week with Demetra in Brooklyn. First of all, the real Micah would never have gotten on that train in the first place. The real Micah would have been like, bitch, you better meet me at Union Square.

And the real Micah wouldn't just be sitting there giggling at some humorless short dude. You need to get drunk. And she's the way she puts it is, listen, I don't know what's going to happen with this guy because some guys change. You know, sometimes they're fun in the first four months and then four months later, they you know, they turn into assholes. I'm like, or four months later, they're finally drunk around you for the first time at a dinner party. Micah, sound familiar? I don't know that that whole scene didn't it did nothing for me i say why don't we move forward to the uh book launch okay i just wanted to add i like when

she said i like where this is going with him i mean he's short but who cares at least he's smart you can date a short man if he's smart but don't you be dating a stupid short man those are words to live by why aren't you the one with the book you could have helped a lot of people yeah exactly all right so let's move on to the launch launch it's a big deal it's a big deal so i just realized what you were doing i got distracted for a moment during your last rant i'm not gonna lie i was like linking something on facebook and then all of a sudden i came in and i realized you were sitting there on the microphone going it's a big deal um sorry i just blew out everyone's i don't blame you i'm very ranty lately i don't know what so um so the so dimitria is has this

like meet and greet signing at this club and a bunch of people there and she does a q a and my book signing it's a really big deal because you know like a self-help book what a big what a self-help book is it's where you write down advice and you write it down and then you type it out and you put it in book form and then other people can buy it and then they can get advice for their problems so it's a big deal it's like really you're gonna explain what a self-help book is bitch yeah she's like you know i'm doing a q and a now and like that's important because like q and a are backwards and because in the alphabet a goes first and q goes later uh but since i'm a writer i know these things and it's like important

for me to share that and it's like a big deal and like i can't be hearing all this noise in the corner i'm like what what be gone so so basically what happens is that like all the women are in one corner and they're all getting drunk and they're a little bored and they're just like chatting they're making noise i mean it is kind of rude but it's not like that big of a deal and uh dimitra keeps on like scowling at them of course so then finally greg this righteous guy greg her fiance goes and like sits next to them like like a schoolmarm. And and Chantel is like wasted or something because she's like, Micah, Micah, Micah, you know. And so then Greg essentially is like, you're being disrespectful. This is really rude. This is her life. This is her work.

you're being disrespectful being this is really rude you know this is her life this is her work i'm like you know what like you should just be so happy because right now these women are giving are making this scene happen on a show you know but um ultimately the only interesting thing about this that q a was forever and i don't know who said it but one of them said hey uh you know she's a very talented writer i'm sure sure, but she's dry as toast. This needs to move along because the questions are like, so, so, what is, where did you get the title from? Where did you get the title, Don't Waste Your Pretty? Well, you know, it's really important that women, like when they're pretty, that they keep it and that they use it while they can because there comes a point where you're not pretty and then you're like oh my god i wasted my pretty oh okay so what advice would you give

women of today well always but you know always make sure that you have your metro card filled because it's horrible to have to stand in line at the subway especially when it's cold outside and nobody wants to be standing in line it's like oh my god kill me do not make me listen anymore yeah it was like dull dull dull dull so anyway ultimately greg has security take like like kick chantelle out which of course creates more of a scene than chantelle's just drunken ramblings so then micah's like you cannot make her leave you cannot make her leave this is a club this is a club and even geneva's getting into it geneva's like excuse me sir she is my guest she is my guest i'm surprised geneva did not like you know immediately called the aclu at this moment geneva's like i'm not

gonna pay that security guard his fare for coming over here yeah there's a civil rights you're just kicking her out because she's black and the security yeah the security guard is like some rental from the front of fileen's basement like he's really gonna carry some six foot five tranny out of there no girl he's like please don't make me fight and he's like yeah you kick him out of here you get him out of here have them removed and he's like uh sir it's like no now i said remove them but jesus man what is it with these shows and i say all housewives shows with men getting into fights with the women that's crazy hey dimitri if you don't want shit to go down at your book signing uh don't invite a reality show into it that's the at the end of it of course it's gonna go down like that of course if you're gonna give them peace don't like invite your boozy friends you know

like you even said it she even basically said the reason why she invited them was because she want like she wanted to get a lot of people there so like retweets she said it again she's like it's important because you know you need people who will be on twitter it's a big deal it's like a big deal like micah's being extra extra right now and like it's a big deal um now in her defense which there really isn't one for her because she's just an asshole but in her defense they were being rude and chantal was literally making fun of her while she was up there and her boyfriend was near she was making fun of her openly so it was rude i'm not saying it wasn't rude but i mean who cares whatever it's in a club it's not

like it's in the library for christ's sake be quiet yeah yeah i agree um so then greg tries to kick him out and then the security guard won't do it and maiko won't let him and chantal won't leave which i love that they just sat there and ignored his stupid ass which hey greg welcome to your experience of marriage because if you really think that your woman is going to listen to you act like that much of a dick once you're married no honey that's over the woman's about to take over so buckle your seat belts i can't wait to see newlyweds year one with your stupid ass getting dragged over the coals by your wife yeah yeah exactly um let's see uh blah blah blah i think that's woman how to date online as an educated woman shut up

Demetria I think that's basically it well next week the good stuff for next week is Greg not wanting certain people at the wedding because they've been disrespectful oh yeah Geneva because she's been disrespectful and then

Demetria like I can't believe you're doing this to me this is a big deal yeah this show super fun in general it was a super fun episode yeah i need less dimitri in my life oh wait there was one funny thing i forgot to mention when daisy was sitting outside the club like crying because her meds hadn't shown up and then arzo and yesterday show up and they sort of like didn't know what to do and arzo's like oh don't cry the meds are gonna come and she's like then arzo's like well you look really pretty and he's just like yeah you look great yeah you look really pretty so that should so even though your cancer might come back at least you look really pretty. So even though your cancer might come back, at least you look really good.

Also, when she was saying yesterday, it's like, what's wrong? And she's like, oh, she left her cancer pill. Like, she's waiting for cancer pills. And she's like freaking out. You know, and there was. Yeah, she did. And you know, she was so happy. She she's like i'm so glad i don't have to go with this stupid q a i'd much rather wait out here for cancer pills than to listen to

dimitri's q a i know i'm surprised melissa didn't stay outside she's like oh the q a is going on i've got to get in there so my face can frown as much as my eyebrows. I'll be right back. It's just the way it is, you know? Super fun. I don't... That storyline of waiting for the cancer pills was just... I'm sorry. I was just laughing. It was the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

But I'm at the club. I'm at a club waiting for the guy with the cancer pills and he's not here yet. The lady's like, seriously, bitch? You're at the Griffin right now waiting for cancer pills come on it's not like an epi pen you're not gonna just like grow cancer right now you know just because you smell the peanut or whatever it's not like immediately gonna save you anyway anyway it's enough you know doing this show now two times a week and a bonus episode you would think that it

would talk me out but i'm actually talking more than ever i can't i think this episode is like three hours long it is it is and the bonus was like an hour today so thank you everybody for who's even still listening to this i know to all our new listeners from for crying out loud who are like why did these women recommend you guys thanks everybody so much for all your support we are loving doing this show and i'm loving talking so much so thanks for the platform guys yeah find us on facebook.com talk to other listeners uh post your links there throughout the week your housewives bravo related links and laugh with us and let us laugh with you your ringers will be up tomorrow for

subscribers our bonus is great today. Check that out on patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens to subscribe. And for our social media links, come over to watchwhatcrappens.com to find us on Instagram, etc., etc. Next week, actually, next episode, Thursday, if you've even listened to this one yet, because let's face it, you're not going to finish this till monday but thursday we have moz coming on oh yes yes molly mclear who were actually both fans of and met at a podcast thing at the writers guild actually ben met her because i was just eating the no you met her too you met i did i did but you're very you're so good at social situations and i'm not i'm like i won't be eating these cookies you met her too you met i did i did but you're very you're so good at social situations and i'm not i'm like i won't be eating these cookies you guys you guys talk but anyway

we met her she was super fun and then our friend angie who you guys know hooked us all up on twitter yesterday and we're the lazy we're the laziest podcasters we met this girl we could have just tweeted at her and been like hey you want to come on the show but we're like yeah we'll get around to it so angie yeah angie's like i'm gonna do this for you guys so she tweets at her and just up and molly requested that we spend a lot of time talking about her obsession southern charm so we owe southern charm actually because we've really we're gonna do the short shift or short so So Thursday will be a lot of short shrift. So I think Thursday

will be a lot of New York and Southern Charm, and we'll touch on Shaw's, but it's just be prepared. We might not skip Shaw's altogether, so take that, darling. Darling, I don't think that's going to happen. Maybe we'll let Molly go. Yeah, we'll let Molly go, and then we'll talk about

Shaz, but be ready. It is going to be a Southern Charm Real Housewives of New York intensive with Molls. Last week we didn't talk about it much because Michelle watches Shaz but not Southern Charm, so this week

it'll be the inverse. We'll have a lot of... You guys can follow Molls at Molls M-O-L-L- a lot of uh you guys can follow malls at malls m-o-l-l-s on twitter if you guys want to ask her things to uh bring up on the show or if you guys have any questions for her or anything please feel free to use the twitter because she's very good at that and the tumblr and all of that good stuff yeah and she responds she's very responsive yeah and other than that i'm gonna shut my fat fucking pie hole for a couple days. Yeah, we are still talking.

We are talking about talking. I'm that person who never hangs up. But you know what? I'm going to hang up now. Bye, everybody. Never say goodbye. Bye. Love you, boys.

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