Watch What Crappens - #1846 Real Girlfriends in Paris: Basic Beh-bees

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Bravo has gifted us with Real Girlfriends in Paris, which is about a bunch of basic Americans in...you guessed it. Paris. Brace yourselves for ranch being pulled out of purses. This week's premium Patreon bonus will be a trailer breakdown for the new season of Real Housewives of Potomac. Join Patreon at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get ready for a double load of Queen of Hearts! It's me, Jujubee, and I return to guide sexy singles through some ronchy blind dates. Cameras off! Voice only! Launching during Pride! Queen of Hearts takes Miami by storm, with Daeders' Cupi from Tampa Bayes, Just Chaz, and Brittany Brave to name a few. Follow Queen of Hearts on Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Well, hello and welcome to watch what happens. The podcast for all of that crap that we love to talk about on Hillbrough's. I'm Ronnie, that's been over there.

Hot ban. Hi Ronnie, Bonjour. Come on, sub-up. Bonjour ban. So, welcome, Ben. Did this episode make you want to start smoking cigarettes of real girlfriends in Paris? We, we, we, we made me want to smoke cigarettes and put groceries out the window, it kept it's like a 5,000 degrees in Los Angeles, so it probably just rot

micro-series, but it'd be worth it just to feel like it was just a real girlfriend in Paris. You're my real girlfriend and lost your mind. You're my real girlfriend. You're my real girlfriend. I really welcome to the show today. This is real, girlfriend, some hair, a stay. It's not great. But before we get into it, join us for take a seat Monday night.

That's our live show on Spotify Live. Starts at 7 p.m. Pacific. We'll be talking lots of crap with you guys. Always a good time. Lots of Beverly Hills stuff that went down. I'm sure you guys want to talk about. So come join us for that. And also Winter is crappin'ing is our Game of Thrones podcast. So go subscribe to that and check

that out. We're having a really good time with that. And here we go. Guys, this is where we get to be Antibonnie and Uncle Ben, okay? Here again, because we're old. We're old enough to be these people's parents, especially me. I'm definitely old enough. You're like, you would have been a young parent, but I'm old enough, shit. If you did things like my family, I'm old enough to be their grandparents.

Okay. And it feels weird making fun of people so young, but let's go for a sounds great. I find it exciting. I make fun of it baby Maybe I don't care. It's exhilarating to me. So I just want to say first and foremost, did not realize initially that there were going to be two episodes on premiere night. So this is just going to be a recap of the first episode. And we'll like talk about the second episode, either at the end of this

or the beginning of the next one, but the next recap we do will just go right to episode three because we didn't realize so too late But I did watch both episodes. Did you watch both episodes yet or just the first one? I'm probably about halfway through there at the handball game So I feel like I'm maybe halfway through the second episode, but it's just more of them being like Where girls where girls and Paris, we love today. We're like so Paris right now. And then the girl is like, guys, I'm like coming out right now at this club. Like I'm like bisexual, but like I grew up in a like small town. But like I love people. So it's not like saying I don't see color. It's like saying I

don't see like vaginas or genesis okay which I guess is okay but like I'm like thank you guys they're like oh my god just so brave you are so brave. She's like yeah so thanks. Yeah um I have to say like the first episode I was like yeah it's okay. I was like, I could use a little bit more conflict. It feels very like up with girls, like, like, like female solidarity. We're in a city we're exploring. And I was like, that's nice. But this is Bravo. So I'm going to need some more simmering tension. And then episode two, there's not really any simmering ring tension, but I found that I was really enjoying it actually.

I was sort of, I was like, you know, these are the reality shows I like, that sort of starting to kind of bland place, but then tensions, blandly enter from the sides, you don't sort of see them, and then before you know it, you're just totally caught up in it. So I'm like cautiously very optimistic about this show. And it's well, my first thoughts where I need more annoying people.

My second thought, like by the time I was halfway through the second, I was like, oh no, they're annoying. They're annoying. Yeah. I don't know. I don't really like or dislike it, but it's there. It's on TV and I watch it. So'll give it that yeah, and I do like that they use the French trixie monocle trixie monocle Monocle how do you pronounce it trixie monocle? trixie qu'on monocle trixie monocle Yeah, I like it. There's a lot of like trixie pan

trixie pan a monocle Yeah, I like it. There's a lot of like... Trixi Pan, I do. Trixi Pan, I'm on a clay. Trixi Pan, I'm on a clay. Yeah, there's a lot of like very cheap, like French, Trixi, monica music, that's like... Oh, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je, je I don't know. I know. You know? Yeah, one thing I've learned is French people love one syllable words in songs. There's a lot of words. Yes.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Te cu j'attu. It's like, wow. It's like, it's like, haiku. It's like French haiku. It's like, okay, just use a lot of one syllable words. Or like one syllable at a time. Like one syllable per beat, so it's like, it's like,

And you have, if you're a woman who sings in France, you have to sing like your 12 years old. That's another rule. It's like an apple commercial. Everyone's like, oh shit. Oh, okay. I feel like we need to announce that we're ignorant, okay? And we don't, Ben took French in high school.

I do not know. I don't know what the hell, anything meant. Oh, he was president of French club. Thank you. Okay. Thank you. I was president of the French club of John Jay High School. Okay.

So I'm actually an accredited French former speaker. Okay. I watched some movies in French and I occasionally try to brush up on Duolingo and then I give up. So I do have a little bit of credibility in the French department, Ronnie. I think I have more because I watch actual French series. Okay. In French with the subtitles on.

So I've watched the one about like the zombie children, but you couldn't really tell they were sorry, spoiler alert every day. Even the song onto zombie. Le fond, le fond, this zombie. I watched also Libero, which means the Bureau in American. I mean in French and it's very boring, except everybody says it's the best show on television. So you're supposed to pretend it's not incredibly boring, but it really is. They're like, oh, we will follow somebody.

They're like, yeah, let's just follow them. It's like literally just them following somebody around the city, like for 10 episodes, I can't with that show. But I watched it all, maybe it all. So I think that I know. Well, look what I just said, that was bilingual. Well I watched Lupin, the first season, with the subtitles on.

I didn't watch the second season yet because I hated Lupin's son so much that when the first season ended, I was like, I cannot go into a second season based on this fucking kid But I am gonna go back because I really loved Lupin and he is so hot. So I will So I have some Lupin credibility. I also saw a French movie once. I'm just I'm just getting that in there So people know that I actually watch this heck of season. So I have more credibility in this in the French department So well I also watched a French movie once called swimming pool She watches heck of season, so I have more credibility in this. In the French department. So. Well, I also watched a French movie once called Swimming Pool, starring Charlotte Rambling, where she gets full on naked, and so that felt like a very French experience.

It was a French movie, and so that makes me more French. And then I think I once did mention on the show. I was guessing. I'm like, I saw Independence Day. It makes me more friends. You're like, I'm French. I totally watched the Grey Man on Netflix. So.

So anyway, the point is this, we're basically both fluent in French. And, you know, we get it. This show really, we understand really the cultural implications of this show. So actually one thing we don't get is, oh, go on. Oh, sorry, I guess we have a delay or something right now. It's your thought box turned off, sir. What are you doing? It is. It is. Looking at your Twitter, etc. No, I'm not. I swear to God, I'm like, I'm being French. Okay. It is very fun to be delayed.

Yeah. But just in case anyone gets offended. But then again, you are watching a show with a bunch of girls who bring ranch in their purse to restaurant in France. So if you've made it through that, you should be able to make it through our ignorance. Yeah. So that being said also, we received a screener for this show, for the first episode, and the screener didn't have any kairons on it yet. So if we miss any vital information

that happened in kairons or in subtitles, apologies. But we didn't have any of that. So I felt like it was a little confusing for me that happened in Kairons or in subtitles. Apologies. But we didn't have any of that. So I felt like it was a little confusing for me at certain parts, but by the second episode, I'm totally like, you know, got the Kairons. Got the Kairons and then Currents for any. So if I say anything that sounds kind of wacky, that's probably because of that. Oh, je le suis pas.

Boom, boom. Just sweet desolets. Boom. boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom And a crepe because that's French banana crepes. Yeah very on the nose so much drawing something in a park You know because it's art and that's French and now they don't even use paper anymore. They use those white boards, but they're black Yeah, soon to begin the Louvre, which is also in Paris. So then there's people like cafes, because that's French too. And I'm surprised you don't see people just, they didn't, I think they did cut to some people walking around by gets, which is also very, they're basically like,

just in case you weren't sure, just in case you thought you were watching Real Girl friends in Bulgaria. No, you're actually watching Real Girl friends in Bulgaria. No, you're actually watching real good friends in Paris. Like, wait, is that a Vestva? I didn't recognize it with the back-gett and the front-basket. But it is.

It is. So we see a girl in a trench coat walking past Vestva at a cafe at Bumpes-Ely. And then two girls, and they're hugging in front of a grocery store, and Emily is the girl who talks like this for the preview. She's like, oh my god. You are so classy girl are those croissants on your shoes and Then we meet what's your button? On yeah on yeah, who is very like Miss Mazzle? You know they even say she's like Miss Mazzle and she's like

Why yes they are my my vegetable shirt was at the dry cleaners, so I had to wear this, my croissants on my shoes. I definitely prefer wearing a croissant on my shoes than eating it because the moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips. And I'd never have a lifetime of croissants on my high heels. I mean, I'd rather have them on my high heels. Yeah, fucking girl goes home and eats shoes.

You know she does because she's not only got them on these shoes, she's got another pair of shoes that she shows us. They're like gold strap issues. Also, it's Christophe's on it. So, those girls got issues. Also, trigger warning, a lot of eating disorder stuff on the show. It's not called eating disorder yet because it's by choice in their 20s, so they're not calling it that, but a lot of like, oh my God, don't eat that. Is that a carb? Oh my God.

It's called being French Ronnie, okay. So that's a very American. It's American to be like, oh my God, is that a carb? What are the calories? It's very French to be like eat. My lungs ate the cigarette. I don't need this. I don't need fucking.

They definitely show a lot of cigarettes on this show, like as opposed to yet they, they, I think they go out the way to not show smoking other shows, but this one, they definitely lean into the cigarettes, you know, and give it that French feeling, you know. So they go and they're like, they're talking and Anja is like, did you lose your voice again? Too much partying and then Emily's like, yeah, too much partying. Too much screaming. You know how we do. Well, we should make you some soup. Let's go in the market.

I'll make you some soup. Wait, that's actually a good idea. The time we talk. Like wait. Yeah, it's actually like a good idea. So Anja is like. So, uh, Ania is like, um, okay, we're going in. So she puts her dog in the shopping basket, which listen, I love dogs love shopping baskets. They, unless you're

bringing your shopping basket from home, don't get your fucking dogs feet in the basket, okay? You know dogs walking poop all day. That's what they do get it out of my basket, ma'am Yeah, I don't I'm also like there's a trend of people bringing their dogs to supermarkets I'm not into that at all. I don't want animals around my produce. Okay. Sorry. So Emily's kind of a ding dong Emily's the one he talks like this and she's kind of a ding dog and She's like I don't know what you do with stories like what I they even having here? Like I don't even know like, oh my god, look, celery. I mean, I know that. That's celery. Like wow.

Yeah. Yeah. You don't know what the shop or what basic foods are. The only thing you recognize is celery. Girl, come on. And she has this like really fascinating to tell us. She goes, I decided to move to Paris two years ago, to go to school and study interior design. And even though Ania and I are both from New York,

we hadn't met each other until six months ago in Paris. I like that she's like, oh, even though we're both from New York, we didn't meet until now. New York does not like a small town where it'd be normal for you to have already known each other. She's like, yeah, even though we lived in an enormous metropolis full of millions and millions of people, we hadn't met yet. It's like when people say, oh my God already known each other. Like, yeah, even though we live in an enormous metropolis, full of millions, millions of people,

we haven't met yet. It's like when people say, oh my God, you're okay. I have a gay friend, if you do know him. Like, no, no. So, and also Emily stresses certain words. She's like, I decided to go to Harris two years ago to study interior design. And even though, oh yeah, and I hear both.

I'm like, why are you caps locking yourself? It's weird. It sounds like she's been edited together. Like, different sentences have been formed. So, Amya is like, my interact actually is like sweet pentanol. And Amy is like, that is way too much carbs. That is like so many carbs. No way sweet potato. Is this it? No, that's salary. Damn, I thought I got one. I thought I got one.

But it flavors the broth and then we dip the chicken twice in the hot water. Which I don't even know what sort of soup that is. I guess it's gonna be fed to them. I don't know what a double-diff chicken, chicken broth and sweet potato soup is, but whatever, she's making it. So then Emily is, Ah, yeah, is Miss Paris. She's been living here for 10 years.

She's so knowledgeable. She knows what Celery is. She's intellectual. She knows history and art, the language, and the culture. I mean, look at her. Look, she's even introducing me to like wild new vegetables. This is a carrot. Wow. I know when she says she's so intellectual and so knowledgeable. I was like, she just said she's looking for celery and picked up carrots. So,

I don't know that I'm going to, you know, consider you the most reliable narrator at this point. Yeah. So Emily's like, okay, another thing we need to talk about, or she's size is pretentier're cooking for six, even if it's for two. That's what I say. So three carrots and some boiled chicken breast. And I'm like, I want dessert. So on it goes, do you have any oatmeal, which is by the way a strange response to I want dessert? And she goes, you know what? I have an heard of oatmeal in France. Do people actually oatmeal here?

And I'm just like, yes, it's called a wine of wine. And then I was like, I think of Emily as my bat bat in Paris, which makes very little sense, because her name is Emily, not bat bat. And my American girlfriend's in Paris. She's my bat bat bat bat bat. Like baby. Baby. Oh, baby. Oh, I'm glad I talked that through myself through through myself. Come on. Myself. Yeah. She's my baby. Which means my baby for those still on the kipsy, but like I'm in Paris. So like, I know how to say, baby, which is totally different than baby. So.

Well, my American girlfriends in Paris, they call me Mamania. And I have a monthly presence I know how to say bebe, which is totally different than baby. So. Well, my American girlfriends in Paris, they call me Mamania. And I have a monthly presence around Emily and everyone, including my own mother. So they check out and walk and Emily's like, we're going to cook. We're going to eat. We're going to swallow bits of sand paper to hopefully sand down our stomach. So they don't just any calories from the salary. They stopped swallowing sandpaper. Okay. You don't have to be so lovely sand down our stomachs, so they don't ingest any calories from the celery. Please stop swallowing sand paper. Okay, you don't do that.

So then we see pedestrians, and they're like, look at me on French. I don't know about how do French people look French. I never really noticed that, but they look like French pedestrians. I loved it. Like, yes. French pedestrians, they even cross the walk

like they're better than us. They're like, look at that crossing the street. Stupid Americans. This is how you do it. French bidet strings like really lean into being French bidet strings. Like, I remember when I was there, they really do walk around with backats under their arms.

They're just like, they're just like, like I feel like half of them were mimes for crying out loud. So, Adia, Adia, I mean, she, me, me, her, she's living her apartment. There's a lot of like self-tapping in this show. So she's like, on her phone. They really use Adia's self-tapping a lot. And she is never, because I think she probably turned in the most footage

because she doesn't even wait until she's like looking like cute or like holding the phone at a cute angle. She's like, I'm so, I'm on my way to frog or something. I don't know. It's in your case. He's house. I'm like, I have to get to the metro and like takes forever to get there. So like an addition to like being late for like work, I'm gonna like be late to this because like I mean, heels and like I'm not gonna make it in time. I'm such a girl. I'm like, wearing heels. Okay, your house is the trend. All right, I'm gonna go down the stairs now. It's a cool cake. You know what, give yourself a minute.

Can we just get to frog, frog revolution? I don't think we need all the details of how. She can get to frog revolution. We can just start the scene in frog revolution. So she's there. Well, actually, we go to frog revolution and Casey arrives and there's a bunch of French people being French at tables and then Victoria walks in and she's like hugging Casey

and everything and then she, Casey gives Victoria a bracelet and is like, welcome to France. Casey is great. Casey's one of my favorites so far. And she seems like. Well, of course. I mean, she's sitting at the bar playing

in Nintendo Switch. I mean, that's my kind of girl right there. That should probably pulled out of her bra. That is my kind of girl. So yeah, she's she made her a bracelet and Kasey's like, yeah, I made it because like I saw it on Instagram. And so then object comes in and she's like, oh, God, you know, this is going to be fun having friends who are ex-bats.

You know, this is going to be great. And so Kasey and Victoria are the ones who are inside and they're like, oh my god, wait, wait, wait. She's like, oh my god, have you heard calories? Oh my god, calories and weight. Yes, my god, waterlogged, weightlogged, water, weight. Do you like your water in your, my fitness bowel? Totally, of course, me too.

Like I got eight glasses in, which a method I didn't have to run in, sorry. My god, girl, me too, it's your PY. My P is totally white. And Victoria was like, you know, it's crazy. Like once I got to Paris, I start eating baguettes and cheese every morning and immediately dropped like 10 pounds in cases. Like that's crazy. You know what, there was this one time and I was and then before she finishes her sense,

Ajauoxin and she's like, I low, I time and I was, and then before she finishes her sentence, Aja was in New York for the, whatever, the reunion for Dubai. And she tweeted, she's like, oh my God, what did they put in American food because I can't stop eating. And I've gained so much weight. And everyone's like, oh my God, girl, corn syrup and hatred.

It's like corn syrup and hatred. Patriotism, a lot of calories. I'll tell you that right now. But yeah, I think I'm walking so much. We have shit in our food that they don't have. Like they have regulations in other countries against stuff that we put in our food that's like, you know, poisonous. Ronnie, let's move to Paris and we'll walk around and we'll just like eat carbs and lose weight. It'll be perfect. No. Okay. So I just

find me a fat lazy American. okay? I've accepted it. I'm old, like I accepted that shit a long time ago. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's coming. Raising kids can be one of the greatest rewards of a parent's life. But come on, someday, parenting is unbearable. I love my kid, but is a new parenting podcast from Wondry that shares a refreshingly honest and insightful take on parenting.

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So if you like to laugh with us as we talk about the hardest job in the world, listen to, I love my kid, but wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app. I just like, I'm so stressed because work has been like, so annoying and cakes, he's like, well, at least you have work. I'm just like, yeah, okay, anyway, I'm gonna keep moving on. So, Ajja moved to Paris, she's like,

I'm not gonna go down that depression path, but she moved to Paris because she works for e-commerce remotely, so she could do her job anywhere. And, you know, guys, I was supposed to be on the beauty team with my company, and then it was, I'm just like fed up because they did a whole bit in switch. They said, oh yeah, like in like six months,

you'll be on beauty, you'll be on beauty. And then guess what, it's like six months, I guess where I'm at, not on beauty. Am I right, everyone? Did I tell you how I got here? By the way, I took the metro and I had to go down the stairs. Okay. And then like my heels just totally did not work at the staircases.

And I had to come up the staircase because you can never just go down the staircases in the same level. So you have to go down and come up. How's the long way guys? So what's the listening to me? I love that she was stuck in cookware. She's like, I just want to be in beauty, but I'm in cookware. She's like, I just wanna be in beauty, but I'm in cookware.

I'm like, here I am, sitting in cookware. I'm stewing about it, you guys. I'm stewing. Let her stew in cookware, in a car car. That's kind of like a cooking term. Okay, you're right. I'm steaming mad. Also in cookware.

Go jamming, get out of my head. And my brain is just fried. So I just, I just want to venture out. Maybe I'll start a business and do consulting. And so Casey goes, you know, it's so funny that you say that because I was thinking about being an English consultant. And the amount of times I walk into restaurants, I look at their menu and their translations, I'm like, you're this close, this close.

So we can open up a consulting firm together where I consult on menus and you consult on beauty products. It totally makes sense. You're gonna be a billionaire. Menu translations. Now there's a business. Just what French people would love. And American coming in to point out everything they got wrong

on their French language menus in France. Okay. She's like, oh my god. I suggest we call these freedom fries instead of fried potatoes. Let me just a preference kind of thing. Yeah, I'm sure Pierre at the local, you know, cafe really cares that he called it like a burger of ham instead of a hamburger. You think I get what stupid a mouth can think about my menu? Here I am living in the house that menu translations built.

So. And beauty consultations. Yeah, but mainly men is. It's so okay. So is one of the non-rich kids in the show because she's like, okay, so to keep living here, like I teach ecologists, preschools, a tutor, I do dog walking, ham jobs, really little in the interim thing I can get. And she moves her hands a lot when she talks. And she right now, she's moving her

hands like she's talking about like how cars go in different directions on the freeway. Like there's one side of the different, she's moving like she's moving car, it's the weirdest thing because she's just talking about having jobs And she's the wacky one because she's got green and yellow eyeshadow She's got pigtails and a rose sweater with a chain over a turtle mat. She's like guys. It's Paris. So it's called fashion So yeah, and by the way when I said I would do hand jobs That was just me saying that so I could correct myself and say I'll do a handyman job. See, this is why you need someone to correct your English. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm gonna blow job rabbit. I'm gonna find me on blow job rabbit. So then Victoria, we find out she's like, I've been doing fashion for eight years. I'm from Texas, but my family's from Louisiana, and this was like a far-falsh dream, okay? Like my family's super, super Christian, and I wouldn't say I fit in there, a cookie cutter, a lifestyle, you know what I'm saying? I'm dot, dot, dot, more than that. So different from my family,

and she talks in yours, it makes me crazy. Like you think it's as far-fetched dream fashion, because like you're from Texas and like your family's from Louisiana and it's like you're going to be a fashion designer. Good luck with that, you're. So. Yeah, you know, it's like I'm just not following like you know, it's like you're this is what happens when you're like not following your typical arc of your town. Okay, like college, married kids, but like that's not what you're wanted. And Casey's like, yeah, but I feel like that's like what a lot of us are out here because

like we just don't fit in. We just fit in better here. And Victoria goes, yeah, we're no one sitting here projecting out judgment at you. You're in fucking Paris. You think you aren't your ass isn't being judged? Do you fuck? Come on! You're in fucking Paris. You think you aren't your ass isn't being judged? Do you come on? I'm thousands of miles away and I'm judging your ass. I can imagine the people sitting in this restaurant.

So Casey's like, oh, hold on a second, guys. I have to go get something that I left out in the car, which is like, hello, amateur hour, a real reality star has everything ready to go in their purse, but that's fine. So she walks out and Ajja is eating mozzarella sticks. She goes, there's something so sexual about mozzarella sticks because they're so phallic. Am I right? Am I right? Victoria's like, yeah, like phallic foods are like the best foods, but wait till my reveal later in this episode.

It will be really surprised. That's Ajja's thing. She's like the blanch of this show. She's like, yeah, and that's an old person reference for you people, okay? But she's like, yeah, sex, I love it. And I love that these girls are like, you know what? We're like so French right now instead of American. And they order mozzarella sticks as French fries. I mean, come on. We just fit in better in France, okay? mozzarella sticks, please. So what Casey went out to get was ranch dressing

that she brings hidden ballet ranch. And she's like, guys, I brought this from home because like, there's nothing like ranch. And when I'm feeling homesick, American foods are way to go. And I just like, I love having American friends here because there's like a sense of solidarity. And like, food is my love language.

You know what else is my love language? Walking to the metro and having to go downstairs to get to the train and then come me up the stairs. Yes! Dexter, my love language. I was like, well, she's gonna make a ranch dick joke and she didn't. But then one of them's like, here's to new

and hopefully long friendships. And she goes of them's like, here's to new and hopefully long friendships. And she goes, may they be, may they, may the day be as long as the dick is sweet. Never mind. And they're like, oh my God, I don't even know why I'm laughing at that. But that was like hilarious. So then we get Trixi Monoclay and she's like going,

I, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay, okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, boom, boom, boom. So then Victoria is, you know, trying to choose between like boots or combat boots or high boots or combat boots or like high boots. What would they do in Texas? Damn it, I don't care anymore. Not cowboy boots. That's for sure. Take that mom. Rolling up in Texas, your boots are expected to just go to college and get married and have little baby boots,

but I said no boots, you're going to Paris. So here we are trying to figure out each other out. And then we see Emily working on her computer at a table in a restaurant and they bring her her drink. It's like, oh, mell see, yeah, mell bit, mell bit. I'm just Google translating celery for anybody wondering what I'm doing over here.

And Why did I say last for like a minute? I said waiter brings her coffee last for like a last forever like this. It's just watching our own computer and then the song comes back in it's like Hey It was like a very long scene. It was a long I'm, hey. It was like a very long scene. It was a long, I'm remembering it out. It was like a long scene of like the coffee arriving and then asking if you want sweetener or anything else.

And then you're expecting a full-fledged scene to happen. And then when the waiter's like, okay, we have concluded the delivery of this coffee to you, we then go somewhere else in Paris. I was like, wait, we have to watch that entire coffee delivery. So now Casey is shopping with some red head and they're at a school supply store. And Casey's like, oh my God,

thank God in France, the schools have supplies for the teachers. America, get your shit together. Are you fucking kidding? And we already know this because we know about your teachers who are always having to fund rays to get supplies for the classroom. Come on. You can't complain about the country being stupid and then don't educate your fucking kids.

Cheese. Well, they get their own supplies, but I think she says the only colors that they give the kids are black and white and maybe red, which is so French. I mean, yeah, whatever drawings you make, make them chic. Black and white, like kids are just drawing like little black cocktail dresses, for leisure and all the public schools.

So then we go to Anya, walking with the exact sort of guy you'd expect to be. I mean, basically Niles Crain from Frazier. It's David Hyde Pierce, you know, just exactly at a three-piece suit, you know, like a white three-piece suit. And she's got like a little dog, of course.

And so they just settle on a park bench. And he's like, I am on the way, chick. Oh my God, you're hungry while I'm exhausted. And I just don't think I can do a seven-course meal tonight. Okay. And he's like, well, but maybe something light. And she's like, I'm thinking, how am I gonna get killing y'all?

How about that? She says, well, you know, I'm thinking of a migrant to come out and a salad, which is by the way, like, duck and salad. I'm like, yeah, keeping it light with that duck. So she's like, I'm in New Yorker born and bred from health kitchen, but I am deep in my soul French. When I finally made it to Paris, I started giving tours to the Louvre and the Muse d'Orsay.

And I charged about 500 euros for a tour. Prices will be coming up just like Chanel bags. God, I know this girl was so annoying in high school. First of all, she was in drama club. We all know that. Second of all, you know what she's been saying that she's French in her soul ever since like seventh grade. She's like, you know what guys? After this, why don't we go to Obam pan? It's my favorite restaurant because I'm French to my soul. You're like, oh Anya for crying out loud. You were born in hell's kitchen. I I'm looking up. I'm trying to find their cast bios because it was so fun

I've found them the other day and I was cracking up You know online vessel. No, no, no. I want it to other day and I was cracking up. You know online vessel. No, no, no, I want it to be from Bravo. Hold on. Let me see if I can find them. Okay. What's your name? Anya.

Anya Firestone. Okay. Listen to this. Anya Firestone is an artistic, bubbly and resilient woman who loves all things French culture. She has lived in Paris on and off for about the last decade and has a master's degree in French cultural studies and is licensed by the French government to give tools at every historical and cultural venue in Paris.

As an inventive hostess, she often has gatherings and weekly shabbat dinners in her Parisian apartment that she shares with her fiancé, Matou, and their precious pop, Ja Ja, that's so French. Anya exudes her quirky personality everywhere she goes and her affectionate presence makes her the go to shoulder to lean on when the ladies are feeling homesick or naming it, but I just love that she's licensed.

She's like, that's it, I'm French, I'm naming my dog, Ja Ja, and I'm giving tours of the Louvre. Also, I'm wearing hats, months of hats. She's, I know, she's gonna be making baguettes in her spare time. She's like, I am going to lean into all the French stereotypes. She's going to, if this season, this show makes it to season two, she's going to break, by the way, she's like, she's all very put together and like, she has this like deliberate comedy and like all her plan jokes and everything.

But by season two, why she will be destroyed by reality TV. She seems like she's gonna be the mega bee of the show, but she's nice. So far, she's nice. But you can tell that she was cast to be evil, and I'm waiting for it to come out. I need it to come out. Like she wears a pink on pink.

You know, she's like, I'm wearing a pink, like kind of suit dress, but then with a pink cape You know, she's like, I'm wearing a pink, like, kind of suit dress, but then with a pink cape on top, also love broaches. I really love broaches. So I'm like, you're evil. Just admit it. It's, it's funny that you said Matthew reminds you of Niles Grant because she's definitely Lilith. She definitely gives me a major Lilith energy, but you're right. She's actually surprisingly very nice. Like, did you get in the second episode to the part with the fridge yet? Like Margot's fucking bridge. And she's Marco. We have even met Margot in this episode yet, but Margot was like, oh my God, my fridge has been broken for like three weeks. It's just those basically the equivalent of

it not being plugged in. And on you just goes in and fixes it. And it just like, the fact that you just went and fixed it, I thought was kind of amazing. I mean, it wasn't very hard, but I was like, I'm going through the same thing in my house and so I felt kind of triggered by that scene because I have all of my entertainment stuff plugged into the same plug and it keeps knocking out the electricity in the bathroom that's on the other side

of the wall. So I know what it is. So I'm like, well, unplug the PlayStation, then re-plegate into this thing. And then I flip the switch and then it works and then it goes out again. So it's been days of me like trial and airing, airing this shit. And I'm like, I need an on, yeah, I don't know anybody who can do that. Yeah. She somehow like knows how to make Margaret Duke and Ald but also like electricity How to play so really listen. It's an art apparently

Yeah, so she goes I became obsessed with French culture knowing I had to make my Paris my final stop I mean, I'm not dying, but if I do die it would be here. Yeah. Very annoying funeral. So Mathew, are we thinking I want to have the girls over? It's going to be like adorable, very fun, maybe a nice dinner party. And he's like, oh, yeah. And he's in a three-piece suit with two handkerchiefs. I mean, there really is a lid for every pot, because he is perfect for her.

Yeah, he's like, oh, but if we do have some sort of American and Paris Thanksgiving dinner, I will need to find some formal way. This atleisure just will not do. I can't that way. This lululemon is disgusting. Yeah, so she wants to do American and Paris Thanksgiving and she's like, it'll be great. And then people will play Gershwin. We'll play American and Paris. We'll play Gersh when we'll play American Empower.

So we'll play Gersh when in the background. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure Gersh will be really appreciated by this group. And he goes, oh, so it's going to be crossover with Hanukkah. So that will be a light dinner. And she's like, yeah, and just get it Hanukkah, a light dinner. And she's like, oh, a light, a light dinner and she's like, Oh, a light dinner, that's funny. And she smiles like a sh**. I would have appreciated more if you made that joke

in Miming, thanks. So also she's got a severe lip dip lipstick on her face. I don't know why, but she's made her lipstick look like she has a thumb kind of pressing down on the top lip. Yeah, I'm not really sure why that is, but I find her fascinating. Yes, me too. She's very retro. She's like 1960s. And she's like, I went to a bar hemming way at the ritz by myself. And there was an exquisitely dressed man at the bar by himself. And I thought, wow, what a handsome gay man. Much my happiness, I was wrong. Matt you straight and French.

So he's like, thanks. I was like, listen, I know you love that story. Can we like, uh, could we like revise some details of that story? Thanks. No, I think for him, he's probably considered that a compliment, you know, because it means like you're well put together. So he carries her dog for her. And one of the kids in the park, they're walking off and one of the kids kicks the soccer ball into the street. She is, oh, I'm going to get them to ball. Shana, I can't care.

And she doesn't. It hits the curb and bounces back into the street. And a kid runs out to get it himself and is hit by a bus. Like congratulations. Your time was killed that child. It was looping himself. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. So now we go to another scene where at this point, since again, we didn't have chirons. So in the beginning of these scenes, sometimes I just had to write down

people. I didn't have their names. So I just had to write their names by descriptors. So I said, dull girl in a hat walking into a bar to meet Aja. So the dull girl is Margot. Margot. She's like, I don't know if I hug or kiss these days. I'm just so indecisive. I just start one greeting and I just never finish it.

Yeah. Like I talk in drowsy voice, so like just tell me, is it like a hug or a kiss, and I just can't decide. I just think of all the times I started hugs and didn't finish them, and now that I'm onto kissing, I just like have regrets about the hugs I never finished. You know what I'm saying? So the waiter comes over and she's like oh, boom shoot. Oh, she goes um, he speaks English. She goes oh, sorry

Well, he is cute. She's yeah, I know girl Yeah, I like the Chinese somebody on whether they're French or not a great France Is it bad to say things in France to a French way? But also, Margot was actually French. So like for her to speak French, it doesn't. So Margot tells us, she's like, yeah, Paris is the city of love as everyone knows and all that shit. But I've been back for like six months.

And Danny and Paris is super hard. We're not all falling in love in front of the fucking Eiffel Tower, all the fucking time. Which I would push against based on the number of people people I saw kissing in front of the Eiffel Tower, or really anywhere in that city. I swear to God, everywhere I went in the city,

the people were making out on corners. Yeah, and I'll just like, well like it's cute, but like it's actually less cute, like I was on a date the first time I was here. He was like I recognize you from the I bar. So like I love being here because I just like a I'm a fresh face And so like nobody knows like who I am like so therefore they're learning about me through me and how I would like to be Presented like are you a serial killer? me and how I would like to be presented. Like, are you a serial killer? Like, what's wrong with you?

Are you the guy from you relocating to fucking Paris because you've already killed all the American cast of me? So what's going on? Because in Paris, I could be known as Aga, who works in beauty, not Aga, who's stuck in cookware. If I get called at Crocpot Aga, one more time in New York, I swear to God. Because out here people will scream me by saying exo exo, but they're they will be

screaming by saying, oxo, you know what I mean. She's like, well, I have a roster of men. Like, it's exactly what it sounds like. It's a roster of men who provide various needs. So therefore, Alex fulfills my need for free drinks. Love it, I love it. I like how she feels the need to describe what a roster of men sounds like. She's like, yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like.

Like, yeah, that's, we get it. It's a roster of men. Yeah, I have a roster of men sounds like. She's like, yeah, it's exactly what it sounds like. Like, yeah, that's, we get it. It's a roster of men. Yeah, I have a roster of men, which is basically like a lineup of men. Yeah, and Alex, he's kind of like my fuck buddy, which is basically like, it's exactly what it sounds like. He's like a buddy, but we fuck sometimes. Yeah.

And she's like one of the last guys I dated. He was like, he just sex clubs. And Margot's like, oh, oh my god. I wait, I, no, I'm too crazy. Like, all I do is masturbate. Like, I need a man who's like super happy to like, Netflix and troll and eat grilled cheese because like, that's all I know how to make. So she was, no, the sex club. It's like three different levels, like stripper poles, and Margot's like, and people just like fucking, cause I'm picturing dudes with boners,

and I'm thinking like STDs, and like what fluids are on these couches? Like, she goes, yeah, that's what it is. That's it. That's it. And she goes, yeah, it's like as of itself evident as a roster of men. And she goes, I know what, I'm sure if you went earlier,

did be better prospects. And Mark goes like, uh, prospects, are you kidding me? Like you think I'm going there to date anyone at the sex club? If you date someone that's there, next you know, you're like, let's go to a sex club. Yeah. Yeah, so that's like, so then we go over to ponds five. I'm sad like the real fancy area because it's with Carthie S and Lorraine.

We, yeah, and so it's Victoria. She's at work, she's like talking to like an Adina Menzel type. It's like Adina Menzel is like, hi, I'm here to report for duty. Do you need me to be an intern? Can do. She's like, yeah, well, I just wanna like try to make as many weave samples as possible to come with our new Tweet

Shiffon or Gansa. I just want to experiment. You know what? I want to experiment with the wall and you know what? Silver threads Tweet or Gansa, Shiffon, Polly blend. I'm just saying fashion things. So stitch stitch I know sewing needle hams. Yeah, because like in 2017, I moved to Paris on a full ride scholarship to Parsons Paris. And it is like the Harvard of all the fashion school schools in the world. And like, I never knew I could be in fashion. Like, I loved fashion. And I never knew anyone growing up that ever was into fashion. So I never knew fashion was a possible career. Yeah, and the assistant lady is like, oh my god, you are like such a dork about clothes and fashion and that's what sets you apart from everybody else because yeah,

because I wanted to be in fashion, but like I didn't know anyone in fashion and so like I'm just from Texas. So like I didn't even know it was a career. I mean, like, there were clothes and stores, but I just figured Jesus sent them there. I mean, fashion, business, what? I was just from Texas. Yeah, you know what? The funny thing is that when I went to Parsons, I really thought I was just learning how to be a person, but, you know, like a member of the clergy. But it turns out I was actually getting into fashion. And then the thing that I learned is that if you want to be in fashion,

you talk about fashion all the time. Like the actual word, fashion. Don't you love saying it? Fashion. Ugh. So, um, this guy comes in, he's like, ala-la- I'm flowing in. I mean, that's the only way you could really describe it. He's like, I know, he's in all these different shades of pink. And he's like, all your boots, show me these boots. And she's like, yeah, like I have boots, like in Texas, like I thought boots were only like for cowboys, but turns out, like you can

wear them for a fashion. He's like, yes, West Jenny, West Jenny. I need to know what Jenny is doing. So they all start talking about like, where's Jenny? What's Jenny doing? So then, so I mean, this is very Emily in Paris, right? Because so this, this guy's name is Yoann, by the way. And she met Yoann through her, because Victoria met her, met Yoann through her ex-husband, and she says she won Yoann through the divorce. And so then this red-headed lady walks in, and she's like very plain, and she's clearly not comfortable being on camera,

but she's like, no, I'm gonna be like the cool boss on camera. So she's like, hey, hey, Victoria, this is so beautiful. Love it. I love the idea of doing something dressier, but changing the fabric to more casual fabric. So there's more. There's always inspiration. Thanks.

Inspeau. She does a real tight smile thing, where you know she never smiles. She usually comes in like, where's a fucking fabric? Okay, I didn't hire a bunch of idiots. But she's like, oh my god, love the inspeau. So before you start, I'm going to need to see stuff from spring to send to the photographer because we have deadlines for the day. Okay, that sounds great. Good. I'm just gonna be right over here bashing my fucking head into a wall. So then we cut to Margot in her place and she was born and raised

in New York. It was like, in case you just couldn't tell, just by looking at her. And her whole family is actually French, her parents are French, and her family is now all here in France. And this is her fridge. The beginning of her fridge is her line. Her fridge isn't working, so she has her groceries outside the window.

The window that she can barely operate herself. She's basically a very helpless person. That's what we're finding. And she can't even, she can barely open up for her own window. And she obviously can't switch the circuit breaker to fix her fridge or turn her fridge on. So this is the life that she's living and she's instead of doing the circuit breaker thing, she's tried to call a repairman, but she now has to wait like three weeks for

the repairman to show up because it's France. Right, so her dad comes over and he's like an 80 year old French guy and he's like, oh, hello, buddy to the dog. He's like, oh, these dog loves me. I don't know why. And she's like, God, should I open the window? And he goes, I don't care. She's like, um, but I will. So I'm gonna open the, I'm gonna open the window and hold on. Shik, shik, shik, shik. Yeah, it's not opening. It's not opening. Hold on. Shik, shik, shik, shik yeah, it's not opening. It's not open and cold on. Shake, shake, shake, shake, it's still not open. Pull it down. Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake and shakes a window for a solid minute instead of trying anything different. And you know like he was having a French model log. It was like the court didn't was playing and he was like that they

just grew long as I reached the end of my life as my daughter shakes the window. The emotion shake out of my heart. Dad stop model logging. She's like, yeah, my dad owned a newspaper on the first half of his life and like he's aiding now, but like what happened is like he invested in artists like Andy Warholed and if you've heard of him, Keith Haring. So yeah, like they turned in a massive investment. So yeah, he's pretty cool.

Yeah, whoever knew that investing in fish could be so big. It's like, no, keep herring, not keep herring, idiot daughter. So basically, he bought her the apartment and gives her $2,000 a month. And she's like, so dad, like, here's the thing. I used to get $10,000 a month. And I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it's an adjustment. And I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it's an adjustment and I'm not complaining. I'm just gonna let the negative space,

negative space in my voice, indicate that I'm not happy with the other $8,000 I'm missing a month, okay dad? He's like, yes, I know how much I give you. I pay for everything and she's like, yeah, I'm not complaining. It just means to smoke a cigarette like an 11 year old for this, okay. I like that they all smoke, but they all seem like they don't like none of them

No, I'm gonna handle the cigarettes really weird. So it's like okay listen It's fine for me, but the goal should be to work and have a company, you know I have money so there's fine, but it shouldn't be fine for you, you know That's a thing on America not also in France, but in America. I just the word for it What is it when Window. No. Warhol. No. Pride. Pride. This is word, no. Oh yeah, pride. Well, you know, it's just like I'm honestly excited to talk to you about work stuff because like, you know, that's like what I'm not doing right now, but like I have so many ideas. So here's an idea I have. Like I know people who do art and stuff. And so like, you know, they're like really good.

Like we used to play Draw Something together back in the day and they were so good at it. So I was like, why don't I do like a creative agency where like I represent young artists and like it'll be cool because I have no experience whatsoever in that area. But I thought this will be fun. I can handle their money and represent them.

Like that's fun, dad, right? He's like, Oh, God, please open the windows so I can throw myself out of it. The dog's barking for her to play with the toy. And she is, Oh, my God, buddy, you're like the most needy motherfucker. The dad goes, buddy, fucker. She goes, no, dad, motherfucker. And he goes, buddy, fucker. I don't like you anymore, buddy. She tells us that she's scared of failure. I'm like, well, you're a living spirit of it. If you're already living in it, see you're okay, you're fine.

You have some slightly melted ice cream that's been sitting on your balcony. Life goes on, you know? So now we go to Victoria, who's in her apartment and she's drinking coffee in bed and then she's like, I got to go to the bathroom and then she's like, of course. So then she goes out to the hallway and then like knocks on the door across hallway. This is a 100% Emily on Paris. She knocks on the door and there's like a cute guy who like opens the door. He's also conveniently miked and You I think she's gonna say hey my hot water's not working. Can you help but she's like do you have any toilet paper?

Yeah, I was drinking coffee and I totally have to shit. Can you help me out? I know but the story is Gabrielle's like my new neighbor from Norway and we met a few months ago when he came over to help me with my water heater So it is a million Paris Yeah, so victorious like yeah, not the worst neighbor to have and he goes oh wait, I have packages for you Emily Oh, yeah, oh by the way like what are you doing later today? Cause I'm like going to get fashion groceries. You want to help me? He's like, why is it every time I see you, I get enlisted to some chore. So then we see a little kid chasing birds. I like the day make it look like in France kids just do natural things. Like there's, you know,

see a kid on an iPad. They're like, look at that children chasing birds. I know. There is control in the little boats in that pond. Yeah. So let's see. I struggle. I'm sorry. I know you will be watching me.

I don't know what that is. So Casey gets a knock at the door and she is tutoring. She's going to be tutoring a little French kid. And the mom's like, okay, I've got things to do. You guys are gonna study, right? She's like, yeah, we're totally studying. And she leaves and he's like, um, she blows just a little bit of her breath.

She goes in English and he's like, switch, she's like, okay, yeah, let's play some Mario Kart. Yeah. She's, that's like her style. She like plays games with kids. And she's like, I knew I belonged in Paris when I was on the Metro and a woman just walked up to me

and just started speaking to me in French. And that's when I realized I blended in with the city. Unfortunately, I was in New York, so it was really weird. But I felt like I looked French to someone in New York. It's pretty funny. Someone came up and started talking to you in French. In France? That is fucking great. You belong. You belong here. pretty funny. Someone came up and started talking to you in French in France. That is fucking great. You belong. You belong here.

So funny. That is, so apparently that really is a big deal because my friend, my friend used to live in Paris, which is why when I tell sort of that one to Paris, so I was visiting my friend. And one of the things that she was really excited to do is like become a better French speaker and so she's always trying to speak French. And she said Parisians refuse to speak French with her. They would not allow her to. They would always respond in English.

And would drive her nuts. Because she'd be like, pardon me, moire, voulée voulée, or like, escavouzave, days, else there's something like asking for eggs.

And they'll be like, yes, we have eggs. And she's be like, yes, we have eggs. And she's like, dammit, let me speak French. So, I guess that's probably the thing. Like, can you imagine the poor girl who is from France? And she's like, oh, she's just a folly, but I don't believe it. And they're like, oh, yeah, we have eggs.

She's like, I'm from up French. Come on. Like, stupid American. Yeah, that's how they show people. They just speak English, just French speakers. Hey guys, guess what? More craps. So now we're at Ania's house and she's making some dinner.

She's like, I'm gonna put the turkey in for like three minutes at 450 and then after her man. And he's like, oh, I've got the gold to him anyway. The only ball we ever go to in this city, huh? Yeah, and so she's like in the process of cooking her chicken. She's like, pulls out the rack from the oven and he's like, oh my God, what is that?

She goes, oh my God, what is that? And she's like, there's like a random potato on the back of the rack. She's like, oh my God, it's a potato. They're like alarms. Like, there is a potato on the oven rack. Where did this potato come from? We're going to serve it anyway. And she's got a picture on the Wall of

her kitchen that says, how you do your very best to please everyone, but still disappoint someone. It's like that's the most depressing shit I've ever seen in a kitchen or anywhere or on a picture. And also that they're showing it right when you pull out that busted estetato. It's hilarious. But it's also a great answer to the question because of what do people in France have on their walls? Because here in America, most people have on their walls things like Bonjour or a poster that says Paris or Jeterme.

Everything's like, everyone has all these French posters in their kitchen. So in France, you're like, well, what do they have? And it's like, I have disappointed you. I'm sorry. Pat, American, you know, depression. Yeah. So let's see.

So then everyone's getting ready to go over to her house for this Thanksgiving thing. And An-Yan and Matt, Matt, you are talking about him going out to have guys night while she's doing the ball, him and way. And his three-piece suit and double hanker show. He's just a sport, you know, it's a sports bar, you know, so he's just, he's wearing his best three-piece suit to root on, you know, like the next, the New York next. So Anya's like, I'm going to pick out clothing. I'm thinking of doing something very autumnal. Maybe this suit, maybe this, this is very turkey.

Or is that for, yeah, that's your dress. That's your dress. No, that's your dress. So then Ding Dong and she has to like kick the door and pull it really hard to open it. The French really do not believe in easily openable building things. Fire codes are really not an issue. It's not a concern. If there is a fire, then you will die a dramatic death. It's like, okay. It's a very French door. Ring the doorbell again. Ding dong. You're stupid. Seeing

I told you, it's like the only ring of it talks to you like that. I'm sorry I didn't hear the doorbell because it's a mine. She just like finally walks by the doorbell and puts it his hands out. Like her door has been trying to do this hand thing for 10 minutes. Like, ding-dong. So she's like, I'm trying to come in, but it's like I'm in an invisible box. Yeah, that's very French. Margot's been trying to go up the stairs to her apartment for half an hour, but

mimeing at the entire time. Margot, please use the real stairs. And Margot's like, oh my god, on ya, the way she like hosts dinners, she's like a caretaker for everyone. Kind of makes me feel like I have like a mom in Paris, well another one. Yeah. And so then we hear like at Amia's door like a boom, boom, boom, and then he goes, is someone at the door? No, it's just the house settling.

And of course, the person knocking like that, it's me, Emily. Wow. Like look at her and like the passion she exudes. She's like a firecracker. Like literally calm down Mrs. Maisel. Yeah. So they pop up in some champagne and on ya's like,

all of my American ex-pat friends love a good Thanksgiving meal. So I'm very excited to feed them. They're so thin They need to eat some turkey and mashed potatoes to be sweet So she's basically just She's like She's like I'm supposed to be the skinniest one here bitches So they're talking about like how classy she is and like dinner parties what and then they smell something burning and she's like

I'm oh my god. it's the mashed potatoes. I'm not a girl. So she runs out. And she brings the bird out of the oven. And it's got a humongous, like three foot tall rosemary stock. Yeah. What was that? Like a baroscope?

Is it going underwater? Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't fold it into a giant crate. You're just like a big like flap over it. Yeah, that rose mary stock was pretty intense. So funny. Margot was like, oh yeah, I got it. Margot was like, oh my god, I'm like more Americanized

than I'm French. A party at my house would have like, Aura fire, French fries, mini burgers, and everything would only be half coach, because I can't finish anything. So she's like, allura Fire, French Fries, Mini Burgers, and everything would only be half-cooked because I can't finish anything. So she's like, all right girls, what color me do you want? Do you like white me?

Do you like dark me? And I'll just like, dark me, of course. Yeah, dark me. And Margot, Margot goes, dark, white, none. And no, and Ajika's. Yeah, dark, white, none. I like that. It's my future if this whole dating scene doesn't work out.

And Victoria being like, hey, wanna come over and fuck me, but that's only because I barely understand how to work my front door or my phone. I'm just like, hey, wanna go to sex club? There's one right on my street. She goes, wait, it's on your street. She goes, yeah, it's next door.

Didn't you know I live on Rue de Sex Club? She's really pushing that sex club angle. So Margot's like, yeah, but like I want to have a connection. But like with a dick too, but like a dick connection. And Emily's like, um, yeah, like Margot, that's like literally my problem because like anyone I sleep with, like I fall in love with like that's Jorly my problem too Yeah, I just I'm not getting laid consistently and Margot was like well one was the last time you got laid Last week actually

I just like I got laid an hour ago cuz I love sex I got laid an hour ago, because I love sex. I love that. And Victoria, of course, just got laid. Everybody's been laid, basically, sometimes. So now it's dinner time, and everyone's owing and owing, because it's like overly pretty. It's like, wow, it's like a soup, but with some folded, what was on top,

like salmon or something? Or I don't know, but I just want to go back for a second of the getting laid conversation because like an ongoing thing with Ania that I feel like first, it actually really first shows up with the, actually the Hanukkah joke about like it'll be a light dinner, which is really Matthew's joke. But at this point, they're asking Margot's like, oh my God, everyone's getting laid. Probably Ania, you probably got laid too.

And she's like, and then she's eating her turkey. And she goes, I'm really enjoying this stuffing. Get it? I was like, not really, actually. She was like trying to be like double on top who about getting laid. Who with the stuffing. And that's like her thing now is like,

she's constantly saying, making very strange puns. She's like, hold on one second, I need to go get my stapler. Get it? Stapler. Oh. So, Margot, so they're still talking about getting light. So hold on let me scroll past here.

I was very into your story. So then I'll just like, yeah, like they go. So what's your time? What's your type? Asha and she gets like Kindness because like I've taken this role of like being the emotional dumpster where people have all of this fucking trauma And then they ghost me. I mean what the hell? They're like cool cool story. Okay Victoria now you say something so Victoria is like well guys

I have a date coming up and I'm like really excited about it. I'm like so nervous It's like it's so hard to say and they're like what's his name? What's he like well? It's a girl Yeah They're like a girl. Yeah. They're like, oh, cool. Yeah, so like her and I matched when I was in LA and like out of nowhere and like recently, or I was in London, I think,

and now out of nowhere recently, like we've been messaging. And it's like so hard because of my upbringing because like I come from a family where you're like making fun of gay people like growing up So you're uncomfortable just like coming out She's in the London like listen You're gorgeous a 25 probably and in Paris, okay, you go girl

You go girl. I mean, I think you have I think it's a requirement that you're bisexual at that point, right? Yeah You want me to pass my do you want me to stamp your passport? Do you plan on being bisexual or not? Tell me that okay stop you can go Okay, can you check box if you wish to be cigarette smoker or bisexual? One of them oh both oh Extended so she's crying so I don't know why I'm crying. And

I'm just like, you know, it's just it's so overwhelming to have someone see you for you to understand that you work in beauty, not in cookware, dammit. You were not just a rolling pin in this world. And she's like, yeah, but like I come from a family where you like make fun of people growing up. So like you're uncomfortable just like coming out. And this girl's like in London. I was like, oh my god, this poor girl because we all anyone who's ever out of the closet understands this like when you're the first girlfriend or the first boyfriend in a gay couple bless your heart. It's not easy. Oh my God. Are we getting married? Like, okay, well, I'm gonna introduce you to my mom

and if she doesn't like it, we haven't even facetimes. You know what I mean? Yeah, the first guy I went on a date with, I was like fully ready. I was in like an long-term relationship after three days and he was like, yeah, hey, so, I think you should go out and explore the world a little bit. I was like, what do you mean? That one gay, but we're in love. So, so, so, so she's just going on and talking about how like, you know, you know, I was married for

like three years and not just a fashion, but to a man. And I was seeking approval and I realized, I wasn't living for myself. And Ania's like, are you crying? You know, you're a very elegant cry. You're a very, very elegant cry. And I'm only mentioning this because it feels like you're not paying attention to the sprig in my turkey. Get it.

Get it, anyone. It's like the most beautiful choir. Like, nobody's coming. Notice the folded-up salmon on top of the soup. Nobody? That was a double-on-pondra also, ladies. Ladies, you're really gonna have to get with it if you're having dinner at my place again. And then I was like, oh my God, it makes me so happy to see you. I mean, I don't even know what it is.

I'm not just, I'll just say, excited. Yeah, oh my God, seriously, that's the best word for it. And Mark is like, yeah, that giddy feeling you have right now, that's the feeling I strive for. Just general happiness about something that makes you cry. It's like that sensation you feel when you just can sense that this tug will be the tug that opens the window, you know, just like the butterflies, right?

So then they're like, oh, guys, I'm so emotional right now, which like I didn't even know emotions were a thing because I'm from Texas, but like with you guys, like I just want to thank you for providing me a safe space, because that's why I was emotional, because I'm actually gonna cry right now. I'm actually gonna cry right now. And she has that thing where she has her hand,

her palm out, like, what? I'm actually gonna cry, like, oh my God. Group hug, even though we all really don't know each other, let's have a group hug. And then Victoria is like, she's like, they say you have two families, the family you're born into from Texas, who has a path for you and their clothes,

mine didn't bigots, and the family you choose, in fashion. Mm-hmm. So it definitely ends on like a, like, oh, we're girlfriends, and we're going through it together. We're all, like, it's very, oh, we're girlfriends, and we're going through it together. We're all, it's very much up with girlfriends, which is very non-brawvo.

But by the second episode, we start to see some very small cracks, mainly from Emily towards Aja. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't get to that part. You're about to get to it, you'll see. It's like the smallest crack. That's fun. It's like the smallest crack. That's fun. It's like the only crack we get.

At first I was like, oh my God, these people are like 18, it feels weird, but then later you find out that they're like 27 some of them. So they're not like that, baby-ish, you know? They've like lived a little bit more life than I expected. Like Victoria being like, yeah, I moved here like five years ago and I'm like the head of a company and I've been married already and now I'm on to my second relationship and I'm coming out of the class. I'm like,

whoa, actually they they are, they have lived a little bit more life. Well, it'll be interesting to see where this goes. And thank you for being with us, Emily Baudi, the bonus this week would be a real housewives of Pultomic. So join us for that on Crapins on Demand, and join us for Winters Crapinning and take a seat. Both of those things, they're great, they're fine. We'll talk to you guys later. Bye everyone. Watch what Crapins would like to think it's premium sponsors.

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