Watch What Crappens - #191: RHONYC Returns to the Berkshires

Episode Date: June 5, 2015

This week's episode of "Watch What Crappens" is jam packed with goodness. We start with the ladies of "Real Housewives of New York City" and their return trip to THE BERKSHIRES. Will Ramona cry? Will Bethenny cry? Will everyone cry? (yes) Once you've digested your raven, get ready to then head over to sophisticated LAWNG ISLAND for the premiere of "Secrets & Wives." It's like "Princesses: Long Island" grew up and bleached their hair. This show is hilarious, and we go to town on it. We then wrap up everything with the "Shahs of Sunset" season finale and the "Southern Charm" reunion. Plus, there's talk of Kim Richards and her future on Bravo. This is a fun episode. Come listen! You can donate to us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And remember to like us on Facebook: facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And here's some other stuff: Our Soundcloud: @watch-what-crappens On iTunes: bit.ly/crappens Facebook: www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Ronnie on the Web: www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ben on the Web: www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bsideblog See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Watch what happens. Watch what happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as always, is the charming and funny and hilarious and chocolate tea drinking Ronnie Karam. Hello, Ben. From TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hi there.

Yeah, I am drinking a little chocolate at the bottom of my tea. It's a day for a lot of caffeine. Just pour that tea in the Chupa Mocha, Ronnie. Hi there. Yeah, I am drinking a little chocolate at the bottom of my tea. It's a day for a lot of caffeine. Just pour that tea in the two-pump mocha, girl. Yeah, if anyone thought that was like actually doing a variation on slang, like, oh, Ronnie is drinking the tea. No, no, he's actually drinking tea with chocolate in it. Oh, yeah. I had some chocolate left over from my two-pump mocha that I splurged on today, and I thought, you know what? I'm just going to make that last with some Chinese diet tea on top.

Yeah, why not? Chinese diet chocolate tea. Well, that sounds like a really exciting experience for you. And this podcast is very exciting for both of us. And for all of you out there, be sure to follow us on social

media. If you go to watchwhatcrappens.com, you can find all our Instagram and Twitter and all those links. I hit 2,000 people on Instagram last night. I was very excited. Wow, that's so exciting. I know. You don't even, like, have shirtless pics. I know.

That's why it took so long. It was very exciting. And then you're like, but why am I so excited? It's just a number. But, you know, who cares? So, of course, our Facebook page. Speaking about hitting big numbers, our Facebook page is on the verge of hitting 4,000 likes. We are like, I think we're like 20 or 30 people away.

Love it. Love it. I read that thing three times a day, Ben. I actually am hooked on it. Like if I've got nothing to do or if I'm sitting in a toilet, then I like check Twitter, check Instagram, check our page. And I go over and over and over and over again. Make your phone rounds. Yeah, then I'm like, oh, I should check email too.

So yeah, we are actually at, I don't know how many likes we have. We're at 3966. That's pretty awesome, guys. So thank you everyone who has been, who has liked us recently and has liked us for a long time. It means a lot. It's a great page.

And of course, last but not least, we have our lovely Patreon page, where you can come and support this dear old podcast. If you support us, you get access to a bonus episode. Like, the main podcast is always going to be free, but you get bonus content if you support us. And a monthly hangout and ringtones.

So that's also worth it. We had a fun bonus episode this week where we talked about Caitlyn Jenner, and you can listen to the older ones where we talk about who knows what. Mad Max, gay issues. You know, it's all the same. Gay-ish. I was on the Deep Thoughts podcast this week

that our friend Angie does, Angie Thomas, who comes on this show. That just came out today, and that is Thoughts, T-H-O-T-S, by the way, the slang Thoughts. And we talked about gay stuff on there, too. I just can't get enough of talking about gay things. I'm so confused by gayness that I like asking other people about it, so that was fun. Yeah, sometimes on our bonus episode, we get real into it.

We get real academic and such about gayness and we'll talk for like 45 minutes about our gay identities and share personal stories and then sometimes we'll be like so what's trending on twitter so uh yeah if you support us on patreon there's a lot of fun content there that uh that's you can mine for your own entertainment um and speaking of mining speaking of big old mines big old holes in the ground why don't we talk about some of these Bravo shows, huh? Let's do it. Oh, yeah. And tonight I'm going to Leah Black's book signing at the Book Soup in West Hollywood.

It's 7 p.m. So come on by anyone who wants to go. Yeah. Yeah. I can't go. So I am going to have to miss out. But anyone else can go. It's like open to the public.

So be sure to go meet Ronnie and meet Leah. Meet Leah. I'm just going to be there, standing around reading books, actual heavy books. You know, they still sell those. I'm not aware of what a book is. Chef Penny, I want words in a binded thing that people can hold and actually read them. Let's call it a book. Get it out.

Get it out. Get it out. Chef Petty, okay, here's what we do. We need an imaginative way to do our food. So here's what we do. Open up a book. You carve out a rectangle, okay? And then you put in tuna ta-ta, all right? And then you close the book.

You bring it to the table and you say, here's something for you to read. You open it up in chapter one. Ta-ta. Ta-ta. So what do you want to talk about first, Bean? Oh, my God. I can't let the Real Housewives of Melbourne go. I'm sorry.

I know. I miss you already, Real Housewives of Melbourne. I am, like, struggling just to do a Lisa Vanderpump accent because Australia keeps trying to, like, pop in. Wait, do we have any ads that we have to read before that? We did BoxyCharm on Tuesday. I think today is next issue, which you probably already heard. Next issue. What about our friend Jamie?

Does she have an ad? Jamie's done. What? Yeah, so go check out Jamie, y'all. Go check out Jamie. Hi, Jamie. Are you cutting this out? Are you really talking about ads that we have to read, Ben?

No, I'm not going to cut it out. I think people don't mind because we're going to get to the Bravo stuff right now. Let's do it, Bean. Okay. So, I mean, there was actually so much good stuff this week, this part of the week. Where do you want to start? Because we

had hilarity on Real Housewives of New York City. And by the way, one thing I learned about my iPhone, if I type in R-H-O-N-Y-C, it auto-corrects to rhinoceros, which I feel like is so appropriate. Somehow it just seems right. So New York City was hilarious. This new show, Secrets and Wives, was my shit.

Shaw's wasn't hilarious, but I had a lot of things to say. Shaw's terrible. Southern Charm, you know. Yeah, overview. Shaw's terrible. Southern Charm was fun. Let's start with either Secrets and Wives or Real Housewives of New York, because those are the big ones for the week.

Yeah, let's start with New York City. Let's just start with Real Housewives of New York. That's our marquee show of the week. It is so good. I love this franchise, and it just endlessly entertains me. Bethany isn't annoying me the way she was at the beginning of the season. I still think she has some hard edges, but I am enjoying Bethany. I feel like she's loosened up.

This was a super fun episode for me. Yeah, this was a really fun episode. And I love watching Bethany just freak out. She's on something. I don't know what it is, but I'm loving whatever it is. Whatever prescription that is, is fucking great. Yeah, I loved what, honestly, towards the end of the episode, when Carol describes, she's like, Bethany has two speeds. I'm tighter than a top and crying.

For some reason, it's like, it's so true. I think that's basically two sides of the same speed, if you ask me. Yeah, two sides of the same speed if you ask me yeah two sides of the same crazy yeah so so basically starting at the beginning so this episode took place at dorinda's house in the berkshires yeah no i that husband bought me my dad used to work here as a telephone repair man after he poured the foundation and the first time he came here he tried to fix my phone the whole story about this house was very much it felt like it's a wonderful life like and the first time he came here he tried to fix my phone. The whole story about this house was very much, it felt like it's a wonderful

life. Like, my dad used to deliver eggs here to the man who owned the house up on the hill and then the banker gave him a loan and he bought a tricycle with it. Like, everything was like this. You know, it's like this old-fashioned... We would pass this on, take your daughter to work day and I would say, Daddy,

I'm gonna own that house, Mr. Jetson. And he'd say, sure, kid. And then one day, I did own it. Every time someone comes to fix my phone, I hug them. I hug them hard. And I say, Daddy! Daddy! I never got rid of my landline.

I call it my daddy line. I call it my daddy line. One time my dad was at the school dance, and they were dancing at the gym, and the floors opened up, and they all fell into a swimming pool. It's a wonderful life, based on my father.

So, by the way, this house, big house and everything, I love Dorinda. The design in this house was bonkerskers this made Ashley from Princesses Long Island made her house look demure this house was like I don't even know how to describe it what were those shades of blue?

they weren't teal it was like this crazy it's like kind of a royal no it's not royal because royal is darker I guess it's like a what's that word you know

turquoise it was like a word? You know, turquoise. It was like a turquoise. Everything was turquoise. Yeah, that was some Carmelo Soprano blue. That wasn't even turquoise. It was like some nasty, weird, like 1991 color pattern. Like one room would be like turquoise walls with like a turquoise velvet couch. Another room would be like purple with a purple couch.

It was just like so crazy. It was like that French trilogy, that movie, that French trilogy movie where everything was a purple couch. It was just like so crazy. It was like that French trilogy movie where everything was a different color. Yeah, with Juliette Binoche. Yeah. It was all like that, but without Juliette Binoche. I watched all three in a row with my parents.

Can you believe that? Like 1996. I rented all three. I was like, hey, mom and dad, let's watch all three in a row. By the time you get to the end of that, by the time you get to the end of Red, by the time you get to the end of Red, you're just like, shoot me now.

I want to be, just hurl me into the pool that Julie had been, Julie had been swimming around in for three hours. Your poor parents. Did you ever make them watch anything good? I mean, now it's like real housewives shit that you make them watch. Yeah, they should be so happy.

They should have been so happy that I, like, I remember bringing home, what was the one with Tilda Swinton based on the Virginia Woolf book? I want to say Othello, but it's not Othello. It's Orlando. And I think she goes from man to woman. Her character transitions from being a man to a woman halfway through.

It's such a weird artsy film. It's basically like the refined version of Bruce Jenner. Were there a lot of different colors in there? Well, it was Tilda Swinton, so I'm sure everything was just like white beige with like streaks of red beige yeah yeah well this place had so many colors in it i mean wow i like every room is a different really vibrant bright color i mean that house is so colored dorinda asked it for water yeah and on top and on top of that it it was like, the paint jobs were bad. It looked like it was painted with acrylic paint.

It looked like someone had taken paint from the art store and was just taking a brush. You could see every stroke. It was just bad. It was uneven color. I mean, listen, I am not a paint expert, although they do have me painting the hallways in my building right now, so I feel like I'm an expert at the moment. And this was really bad paint job.

You're an expert on paint like Kim Richards. You're snorting a lot of it. I'm snorting a lot of it, so therefore I feel like... Oh, and that was the gossip. Martha Stewart line. I love Martha Stewart. She makes a great smell in paint. By the way, that was the gossip we were going to start with.

Before pre-show, we said we were going to start with gossip, and then we forgot. Oh, okay. Gossip. Temporary gossip alert. Temporary gossip alert. Kim Richards has been fired from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and now there's rumors that Kyle might be fired too, which I don't believe that part.

Well, this is all from Raider Online, so... I believe that Kim is fired. I do believe that Kim is fired. I believe she's going to be too much of a headache for production. I think Kyle being fired is a story that Brandy planted. Like, that is so obviously Brandy. Yeah, I don't think Kyle's fired. I don't even think Kim's fired.

I think she's just going to be demoted for a season. They're going to not talk about her, but then she's going to still come on every once in a while. They'll be like, oh, this is a lovely party. You stole my house! Where's my house? They're going to have a little storyline of Kim putting up wanted posters for her Palm Springs house all over the neighborhood.

Anybody seen my house? I could never imagine playing Monopoly with her. That's my boardwalk. That's my hotel. You built a hotel on my boardwalk. It's a park place. I don't know.

I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't know what railroad to take. I was like, is it B&O? Is it Reading? Is it Reading or is it Reading? It's like it's too much. Do not pass go. Go straight to jail. She starts kicking everybody in the room.

Yeah, Mr. Monopoly is Dr. Phil, which makes sense. They have the same mustache. Every time she gets a go to jail card, she's in the bathroom for 30 minutes refusing to come out. Kim, do not pass go. You go directly to jail. No!

No! No, it's go directly to jail. No! No, no. St. Charles Place is very special to me. My mom and I, we'd always go to St. Charles Place. It's like that show, Orange is the New Marshalls. Get in there, girl! Oh, Dr. Phil.

Okay, so, Kim, what else? What's the other goss? That's basically it. I mean, there's other little things. That was it? You had me so excited. Well, that's a big piece of gossip. I guess. Kim's still drunk.

I mean, Kim's back from Mexico. Didn't she, like, disappear for two weeks? We didn't talk about that, I don't think. She got out of her, like, quote-unquote rehab, which was basically, like, sleeping at the towel. The guy who sells Little Mermaid towels outside Yolanda's house. She's like, I'm gonna stop living! Call me if you need me!

And so she got to leave to go to Mexico to go to her daughter's wedding, and apparently at the wedding she got shit-faced and told the groom's family off. Yeah. And then ran away and disappeared in Mexico. She was having her own, she was doing her own version of

Three Amigos. She thought that her own, she was doing her own, like, version of Three Amigos. She thought that she had Steve Martin and Chevy Chase with her, running into a town, you know. She had no idea what was going on. God bless her heart. She's like, hey, I have to leave this wedding. I have to pick up a doll made of cocaine and bring it over to California. It's a little traffic reference.

God bless her, you know. Mexico's not necessarily that bad of a place they don't make you go to rehab there yeah you know if anything if anything she probably solves some of the crime in some of those border towns they're like oh god here comes this crazy bitch everyone put down your guns and get away she's just gonna talk to us

this guy was about to shut my head off but then I started talking about my experience in speed 2 he's still in my house if you want to arrest him amigos head off, but then I started talking about my experience in Speed 2. He's still in my house if you want to arrest him, amigos. Escape to Witch Mexico.

She's like transfixing all the beheaders with her. She's like, look at all my fans. They all lined up to see me. No, Kim, that's a mass grave. We're already loopy and ridiculous. I know. I just love the idea of Kim in a

mariachi costume. You know, on like a big, she's got the sombrero and the mariachi stuff and she's riding around from town to town talking to people about Kyle. I just love the idea of her in Mexico where no one knows what she's saying anyway and just carrying on like normal, you know?

Yeah. Well, they probably don't want to go. They can't get near her because she probably has Kingsley with her. They're like, El Diablo. It's like, look, I want to order a drink,

but all I know how to say in Spanish is let's dust the picture frames together while I make chicken salad with my hands. What's a girl gotta do to get El Paint Thinner around here? Doesn't anybody ever remove their paint from these houses? Come on, Mexico! This is why you're falling behind.

All your paint's sold. Donde esta El Los? Donde esta las robbing alcohol? I gotta cut And I wanna drink the alcohol for Hydrogen peroxide Heals you on the inside too Everyone's so healthy around here

Donde esta los cough medicine I love how she's like walking around a ghost town That's been decimated by drug cartels Just asking questions to like Cactacti and old bottles of tequila. Their next telenovela job. She has a guitar on her back. It's like the really bad version of that Robert Rodriguez movie. She has a guitar.

She walks from town to town with a shotgun and a guitar. She doesn't shoot the shotgun or anything. She doesn't hit anything. She just goes off by accident. There's a little turtle in the street in that film, as I recall. I love turtles! Bang, bang, bang! Don't dance to me, casa.

Tu tocas mi casa, curdle. So, guess who's not in Real Housewives of New York City? Kim Richards. I know. There is, by the way, one other little piece of gossip I just remembered. Kingsley bit another person. Okay. Oh, that's a good one, too, because you know that story?

She actually blamed, she told the person that the dog bit. She's like, oh, it's not even my dog. It's Monty's dog, and he's dying even my dog yeah it's monty's dog and he's dying of cancer suddenly it's monty's dog honestly i really can see kim riding off with kingsley into the sunset as fugitives from from the lot from california animal protective services or whatever no that's just gonna be like psycho you know she's gonna be like the mom and psycho where she's like oh norman norman i hope you're not murdering a lady in the shower come on norman behave yourself and then eventually she's the

bitch in the shower and she's in some you know rocking chair and like a bad wig at universal studios listen she's just one of these days she's gonna come down with a case of rabies and that'll be it yeah so no something worse like what's that dog disease where they get like a really bad worm parvo she's gonna get parvo sorry i can't film today i got parvo i had back to her and got the parvo got the i got that parvo you know you heal up you put the you put the dry stuff in the water you get parvo i was like no that, I think that's Parmalat. Dry milk. So anyway, New York City.

That was the gossip alert, which really took us to strange places. Really took the podcast. Robert Rodriguez film. Which I would totally watch. Okay, so the girls all... That was made for $10. It still costs more than Kyle's TV Land show. Oh, yeah, that was the other gossip.

Kyle Richards has a show on TV Land now called, you know, My Sister Keeps Accusing Me of Stealing Her House, starring Kyle Richards. My Sister the Alien, yeah. Yeah, with somebody from Cheers who played, like, one of the guys on the stool that nobody knew their name, but they were still there every episode. The featured extra on Cheers will be her husband.

Wasn't his name Phil, the guy who would talk every four episodes? But he wasn't a cast member? Oh, Kyle. Good old Kyle. I nominate Roz from Frasier to play Kyle. Roz from Frasier needs to play everybody. Harry Gilpin.

I love that she never really acted. never really acted she just kind of said her lines but in a gruff voice you know what i always had trouble with there was one time i saw a um an old episode of cheers and perry gilpin played like a reporter or something but she wasn't ross and I hated the fact that Roz was two different people in the Cheers Frasier universe. That always bothered me. Anyway. Do it, guest star. Do it right. Yeah.

Although I'm sure Camille Grammer would have some issue with someone from the Frasier universe playing Kyle. It's not right, Kyle. Kyle's not right. Yeah. It's not right. I've got to pull up that sound remember that sound with camille grammar talking to me yes camille just babbling i got it somewhere i don't know if i can find it it's probably these who knows so anyway we're

gonna be here for 10 hours we've got four shows to discuss. I know, darling. So anyway, the women all, okay. The ladies arrive. That's how it begins. The ladies all arrive. And within seconds, Ramona starts telling Kirsten about how Luann confronted her at Dorinda's birthday dinner at Petrosian. And what I loved is that Ramona's like, you know, Luann, she did something that was kind of like weird ass. And I was like, what?

Weird ass? You're not a millennial. You're not a millennial, Ramona. Talking about weird asses. I'm a new person, okay? I'm young. You know, Mario left me, but my youth didn't. I'm still here.

I'm young. Step off back to the curb. Okay? Step off back to the curb. Hey, mama. Hey, mama. How are you, mama? Hey, Beth.

Hey, Beth. Hey, Heather. Look, I'm young. I'm going to be Audi 5000 with Avery. What did Puff Diddy did? This is such a weird-ass episode. So she immediately starts telling Kristen about all this story. And you've got to love how a story comes out of Ramona's mouth because she's always so innocent in these stories.

She's like, I was just sitting there. And, you know, I really like Dorinda because she's my friend and in these stories. She's like, I was just sitting there and, you know, I really like Dorinda because she's my friend and she accepts me for who I am. And then Luann out of nowhere, out of nowhere I tell you, starts screaming about me and saying I was mean about John, you know, because I said, you know,

because we were on the phone and then Luann was talking about how fat and disgusting John is and I was like, oh my god, that's horrible. And then Luann blamed me for saying it in front of everybody can you believe Luann did that and Kristen's like he is gross and fat yeah and then of course Dorinda walks in that's not the story at all

and then Dorinda walks in and she's like what what are you guys saying about John come on you can say it you can say it you already said it what are you talking about me here so then Kristen's like well you know I thought he was a Kristen's like, well, you know, I thought he was a little too touchy-feely.

You know, we were dancing and I was behind him because that's where I felt comfortable. Then he has to turn around so we turned around and I didn't feel comfortable he touched me

so I walked away. And Dorinda's response was, if you don't want to do a sandwich, don't do a sandwich. You're an adult. When I go to Subway and I see adults working and they're complaining

about how late they have to work, I say, you work at Subway. If you don't want to do a sandwich, don't do it. You're an adult. You know what I say? If you don't want to do the Roger Rabbit, get out of Toontown. If you don't want to do the electric slide, turn off the power.

If you don't like turning smiles, if you don't like turning frowns upside down, get out of the Walmart, okay? There's a Target down the street in case you hate, you you know, putting arrows on their bullseyes, too. God forbid, adult. Hey, you don't want to do the alley cat with John walking the street instead. That was so good. Kristen's so tone deaf. First of all, they were not even talking about, she wasn't talking about what a big John is. She was talking about what a pig John is.

She was talking about what a bitch Luann is. Yeah, exactly. And Kristen's like, yeah, John is a fat pig. She's like, yeah, but I do have to say that John is kind of touchy-feely. And Jordan's like, what? And Ramona even was smoothing it over, which Ramona never does. But Ramona's like, oh, we weren't talking about anything. We were just talking about how, you know, Luann said that thing about John.

And she's like, oh, yeah, well, we're adults, you know, blah, blah. And Gritsom's like, yeah, but as a matter of fact, he is disgusting. You know? I'm sorry. It's very hard to be thin. I don't need to feel a she the fat between my butt crease. You know, it's disgusting. You're an adult. I was embarrassed for you. I was embarrassed're an adult i was embarrassed for you i was embarrassed

for myself i was embarrassed for john i was embarrassed for the restaurant i was embarrassed for chicken kiev and that shit was cleared before any of this even happened listen here's the thing don't ever start up with a woman who dresses like the black swan okay because dorinda was fully black feathered on yeah she was so you don't mess with that yeah the the girl in the white tutu dies yeah kristen's like can we please get to the real issue here someone sweat on me at a boxing match you guys i'm gonna talk about this on my blog big life change i'm starting up a blog Like this takes a lot Like I had to go to wordpress.com

Fat sweaty guys and thin sweaty thighs By Christine Teakman So anyway they This is sort of like a fight But then it like The fight sort of calms down Because Dorinda starts sharing about You know about how her husband died and yada, yada, yada.

So it actually turned into sort of a nice moment. And they all cry. Or Dorinda. Dorinda's like, yeah, well, my husband bought me this house. And you know what? I know that it's difficult with John. I see him. I'm not blind.

I know he's fat. I know he's touching every waitress that passes by. I know he likes to do a sandwich. What am I going to find? What am I going to find? One, it didn't work out. The second one's fat. I know he's touching every waitress that passes by. I know he likes to do a sandwich. What am I going to find? What am I going to find? One, it didn't work out. The second one's dead. The third one, you just deal with.

All right? You just deal with them. I was like, poor Dorinda. She's been caught in way too many. She's been caught in way too many open-faced sandwiches with John. It's not like the three strikes law where it's like, if the third one doesn't work you're just single forever no what's this what is this i don't know go online meet some friends come on our facebook page you'll meet some friends yeah although if singles okay to read although if the uh if the woman from uh secrets and wives is any indication maybe at a certain

point you should stop getting married but But we'll get to that later. So then they all go to a lovely dinner at the Red Lion Inn. And Ramona has now changed her view on the Berkshires because basically her friend brought her to Berkshires, not Heather. So she's like, you know what? I love the Berkshires. I love it.

And then everyone's like, whoa, Ramona loves the Berkshires. And Luanne always makes a dig. And in the corner, I don't know if you've even heard this, in the corner, Luann just goes, just don't bring her hiking. Of course I heard it, because then they cut to the scene of her freaking out in the forest. That's true. Oh, my God. Trees. There's trees.

Oh, my God. There were trees growing up outside my bedroom. And my dad used to come in and say, good night, you little cunt. And I would be like, oh, my God, trees. Every time I see a tree, I just want to die. I want to die. I know. Whoa, this is like too much for me right now.

Okay, you know, they're trees. They're leaves. Oh, my God. You know who left me? My father. Oh, my God. Mario. So then they.

And also, I have to add that Heather said as she arrived to this trip, wow, the Hamptons is my hood. So, I mean, I feel like a co-host. You're not the co-host, so stop it. Because every time they cut to Heather, she's like, okay, let's unpack and then we're going to eat, okay? Okay, we're done eating. Okay, let's move to the other room. Okay, let's go have lunch now. Like, bitch,

stop. This is not your trip. You need to stop it. Heather is going to lead us, I mean it. Heather is going to lead us. I mean, Dorinda is going to lead us into the blue room when it's blue room time. Yeah, exactly. So they're having dinner. And then they start talking about Bethany and how, like, Bethany is very guarded and she has a lot of hard edges, et cetera, et cetera. And Ramona's like, you know, she had a very tough childhood. And then they have a flashback to one of my favorite scenes of all time,

which is when Ramona and Bethany cross the Brooklyn Bridge together. And in the span of like the 15 minutes it took, Ramona just completely eviscerated Bethany. And they cut back to the scene where she's like, listen, you have no friends. You're pretty selfish. No one likes you. You have Jason. But you're probably going to mess that one up too. Anyway, here we are.

Oh, my God. That was just such an amazing it was holy i remember bethany being totally destroyed after that and then they walk into alex and simon's apartment and she's like shell shocked so anyway they're talking about bethany being bethany doesn't have any female friends i mean that's what she is she's not a girl's girl you know because her mom was you know hit on the head with the telephone i mean that's why she won't use telephones i mean it's horrible you know bethany was you know hit on the head with the telephone i mean that's why she won't use telephones i mean it's horrible you know bethany doesn't like girls she has no

girlfriends i mean look at me look at all my girlfriend i'm a girl's girl i'm like oh my god could you imagine being girlfriends with ramona kill then heather heather doesn't show any empathy heather's like well you know what like we've all gone through shit like we just had to say goodbye to our nanny of nine years i cannot believe so bethany's mom was like shit to deal with so what her mom got beaten on the head with the telephone her dad was a drunk and she almost got killed who cares have have you lost a nanny mamas has anybody here ever lost a nanny like i've been looking all throughout the hood, yo, for a new nanny. I'm like, hey, mama, you want to be my nanny? And they're like, no, mama.

I'm like, what, mama? Holla. Oh, Heather. But then I loved how Ramona, my favorite thing is when Ramona gets contemplative. And she's like, Ramona's like, you know what? In life, sometimes you just have to, like, take it. When things get hard, sometimes I take a breath and go, say, you know what? life, sometimes you just have to like take it when things get hard. Sometimes I take a breather and go say, you know what?

It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. You know what? And she like pauses. She does that weird thing where she's like half blinks an eye and turned, tilt her head and her jaw, her like chin goes to the left. And she goes,

it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. Okay. Okay. So then there are, there are a a couple things at this restaurant first they were gonna order raven which i thought was funny that no one knew who what a raven was like two people knew it and ramona's like is it the one that eats you is it the one that eats dead things and they're like no that's a vulture she's like oh oh it's a vulture yeah like come on you don't know what a raven is.

And then when they were walking up and that black guy was out there in his uniform and he's like, welcome to the restaurant. And Dorinda's like, oh, hello. What's your favorite thing on the menu? I love when we're eating here at the same time. And he's like, I work here, ma'am. She's like, damn it. I'll never get this right. Oh, God.

Is there a black person to bring me water? Just tell me the mr jet said mr jet said so then the next day they go shopping in town which was amusing to me because like at one point they're like at a store and i was like oh look it's a farmer shirt hey remember when these were in style remember when we used to wear these as kids as a farmer's shirt? Look at this. It's plaid. Do you remember plaid? What is it, from the 70s? And the man's like, no, darling. God, plaid's not from the 70s. She's like, the 50s, the 60s. I don't know.

When did plaid happen? It's happening again. It's here again. It's new, like me. My mother always said, make sure you have your own plaid shirt, so that way you never have to be dependent on a man for a plaid shirt. Okay? And then if you have your own and you're having sex with a man anyway, again, and then he

gets cold, you can give him your plaid shirt and say, look, I didn't even need you for a plaid shirt, but you can wear mine if you want. Also, I brought you some mustard packets from the restaurant and half of my chicken dinner. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This farmer shirt right here? Okay, whoa. This is crazy, okay? Because this farmer shirt, this is the exact same farmer shirt that Geraldine Parsons Smith used to wear all the time.

And she would come over to the house and she'd say, look at my farmer shirt. Where's your farmer shirt, Ramona? And I didn't have one and I would cry. I can't deal with this anymore, okay? Okay, I have to go. I have to go to the Hamptons. I love it that dinner has she – Ramona is like giving a speech about self empowerment. She's like, listen, I just said what it's she's like, listen, I understand what it's like going through hard things.

All right, because I've been through a lot of hard things. And sometimes I just want to tell Bethany, look, the important thing is that you just got to like move on. You know, you got to wake up and you got to move on because everything's OK. And Dorinda's like, that's not true. You know, sometimes life sucks. All I say is just get out of bed. Because you smell like a goat. That's my last motto.

Just get out of bed and do a sandwich with John. Life still sucks, but get out of bed. Because I smell like a goat. Love you. Love you, Dorinda. And please yell at more people. Please. Yeah.

So then it starts I put somebody arrives Sonia arrives oh Sonia arrives in her she forgot her dress Sonia arrives

she's shimmying Ramona's date aka her partner from aoa restaurant uh he arrives and then carol discovers that this guy also hooked up with mario's mistress so like carol and luann are sort of snickering about that luann's dress like she's going to a reenactment of clue um they're all They're all... Flames on the side of my face.

Yeah, she literally looked like that. And then they're all lingering in the parlor as if they're in Downton Abbey. And surprise, surprise, Bethany shows up. Yeah. Bethany's like, hi, I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. It's a surprise.

Someone called me here. I'm here. I'm here. My daughter's in bed. Like, what time does your daughter go to bed? No wonder she hates you. She's like, I just locked her in the guest room. She's in bed. She's fine. It's a surprise. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here. My daughter's in bed. Like, what time does your daughter go to bed? No wonder she hates you. She's like, I just locked her in the guest room. She's in bed.

She's fine. She's in bed. I'm here. It's a surprise. Okay. Who's here? I put her to bed at 4 p.m. to get here. The people here, I don't know.

Hi, I'm Bethany. Okay. What's going on with you? Huh? How are you doing? How are you feeling? How's your dress? How's your dress?

How's your dress line going? Okay. How's the paint? A lot of paint in here. A lot of colors. Well, I don't know what to do. Okay. All right.

Let's just calm down. Okay. What's going on in this house? I mean, look at the colors. Colors everywhere. I mean, look at this. What is this? Colors?

What is this? Colors? What is this? Crayon box? Huh? Huh? Colors? Huh?

Huh? Everyone looks drunk. Everyone looks like they've been eating a lot of food. Have you been eating Raven? You smell like Raven. You smell like you have some Raven on your breath. Okay? It's a lot of Raven.

Oh, you ate some Raven? Did it hint that it might be a lesbian but not confirm it for you before you bit into it? Oh, good. Raven. Raven. Raven. That's how they do. Your breath is so Raven. I mean, it's like,

that's so Raven. So she shows up and everyone's really happy. Of course, Heather starts with her past aggressive remarks like, I wish I would have known my kids are here too. They could have played. If you had just called me, if you had only called me, you would have known that I brought my my kids to you you should have called me bethany

why wouldn't you have called me bethany's like uh-huh uh-huh great great yeah it's like heather your kids are also by the way like five years older than than brin so just calm calm the fuck down just like let them build snowmans and let them be happy so um so then they all sit down at dinner what was funny to me was that they basically all had this like very fancy sushi dinner and it just did not seem it was the last thing i expected that meal to be right didn't you expect to be like you know beef bourguignon yeah everything i see dorinda eats looks like chef penny made it in the 80s it's like yeah like beef wellington or like shit with cream sauce on it

i don't know she yeah she she definitely seems like uh sushi's not her thing but hey you know it's time sometimes you got to turn over a new leaf you know i tried sushi three times in my past and it almost killed me so this time i'm gonna like it and that's it yeah i'm just gonna eat it this time and bethany's like well look i'm allergic to not not fish just fish without a shell which i've never heard of yeah i know it goes the other way around shellfish but i've never heard of people being allergic to finfish she's like reverse kosher she's like and i love it like um she's she's like she she i mean bethany kind of makes a little bit of a big deal about it. All she could have done is said, like, hey, I'm not going to have it. Whatever.

But then Heather butts in. She's like, well, you want some hummus? There's some hummus in the fridge. You want some hummus? You want this? Well, you know, you're going to be hungry. I mean, I just want you to help. Like, you know.

And Heather's going to help. You're not going to eat? You're not going to eat anything? I don't think that's right. I mean, there's some chicken. Do you want us to have somebody make you up some chicken? We bought the kids some mac and cheese. Do you want some mac and cheese?

Do you want some milk? You need some milk. You're not growing much. You want to grow? You need some milk. You want your sippy cup? You want your sippy cup? We got some chicken McNuggets.

And her husband just looks happy that it's not him for once. Yeah, exactly. Like he's sitting there in his like bib. Yeah. Oh my God. Finally I can eat without this bitch like wiping the corners of my mouth every two seconds and then Heather seems to go out of her way to tell people

Bethany can't have shellfish everyone she can't have the shellfish Bethany can't have the shellfish and she won't eat so she's just going to be hungry so no one try and make Bethany eat because she doesn't like it Bethany doesn't like being force fed.

Do you, Bethany? She just won't eat. Is that okay? Don't offer her food. She'll get offended, everybody. I'm like, Jesus Christ. You are such a Jesus. And actually, sorry.

She's like, all I was trying to do was give her a fucking meatball. Yeah. Stop. Stop. It's not even your place to do that. To Bethany, to someone like Bethany, she's as big as a pinky finger, okay? The meatball is her enemy. It's like bringing a fucking, like, team of suicide bombers to a Jewish wedding.

You don't do it, all right? She's not eating your suicide bomber, Heather. Heather is probably jealous because Bethany actually looked like she was having a great time. She was, like, she was drunk, first of all, and she was laughing and she was having fun with Luann. She was taking pictures of Luann and she was like, want to do a video? We'll do a video. You know, we'll do a video. Well, how about this? We'll take a photo, then a video, and then we'll put the video onto Instagram, we'll put the photo onto Twitter, and we'll put them back and forth.

Okay, it'll be great. Do this. You like the way it looks? Alright, great. Like, Luann looks like she's from a saloon. I mean, what is this? Why is everyone dressed like this? It's like a costume party every day. I mean, what is this? Tomorrow's gonna be Teletubbies. It's gonna be teletubbies tomorrow we're all gonna have to come to the dinner table dressed like teletubbies i mean like shoot me now that's what we do i mean shoot me falling asleep falling asleep dying over here falling asleep everyone's talking about

costumes like i like enough already about the costumes all right we get it we get everyone has a costume okay enough already kill me now so then so then, so this, this like minor storm passes. And then all of a sudden, I mean, Heather was like on a rampage. She was on some, not on something, but meaning she was like on her period or something. Because then she turns to Peter and she's like, hey, mama. She's like, so we have a journalist in the group. And looks like there are a lot of interesting articles about you out there. Like who, why would she even say that at a dinner table?

Right in front of everybody at a full dinner table. And that poor guy got so nervous. You could see the rumors just flipping through the little Rolodex under his wig. And he handled it well, though. He handled it really well. He kept smiling and laughing. He deflected. He handled it well.

And what was funny was that while he was talking about it, they kept on cutting to Bethany. Now Bethany's fully wasted. And she's like talking to a wine bottle. She's like, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I love you.

I was like, wow, that's more affection we've ever seen from Bethany in her life. Yeah, because I think she was talking to the stranger. She was talking to the people she doesn't know. It's like, I love you and your bank business. I love you and your donut shop. I love you and your gayness because i think one was like a gay brother or something right and then um yeah and then also i have to mention before this because i i put a uh note here because i think it's so funny carol's aversion to any kind of emotion is hilarious to me when they were talking about bet Bethany before she got there, and she's like, no, I'm telling you.

We were in the CP2, and she was saying she wasn't vibing with the girls. Which isn't really what she was saying, but okay. She wasn't vibing with the girls, and then sobbing. I mean, sobbing, you guys. And everyone's like, gross.

Ew. She was feeling things. Eh. Okay, right. Now back to the future. It was like a bad raven meal. So then what I love is, so now Bethany goes from like giggling with her bottles. Then she and Sonia, I mean Sonia, our resident drunk, they are just like wasted.

They're giggling. They're making noise. And Heather is like, we're going to have to separate you two. What the fuck, Heather? It's a dinner party, and they're at one end of the table. You're in the middle. That's the way dinner parties work. People are talking at different parts of the table.

Not only that, you're not even having a real conversation. You're like, do you enjoy being a restaurant owner? What is that like, homie? Yeah, she was actually just digging for dirt actually and and she was getting mad i mean she was treating it like it was dimitri holding a q a it's just so serious you can't say anything i was just she's like and but i love it's a big deal mamas it's a big deal, mamas. It's a big deal. Mamas, I love being a bride, mama. Hey, mama. And then like throwing little barbs at Sonia at the same time. She's like, oh, yeah, you just decided to start a new business.

I mean, what goes into starting a business? Am I right? I mean, just wake up and start a new business. Yeah. But what I love also is that the moment that Heather realizes that she came on like a little aggro, she then tries to like reverse course. So she's like, I need to separate you two. And then she's like, I'm making a joke. You're very serious. You got to lighten up. It's like, what? No, you were not making a joke. When you say I got to separate you two. That's a passive aggressive remark. and then every time i'm nice to you you seem to you're mean like every time i'm nice you're mean and bethany's like what's nice what are you doing this nice it's because i don't know you all right you're tending to me like a garden i don't know you i'm like a rose being being watered by like a gardener that no one hired it's like the rose is like why are you here why are you watering me

okay i'm waiting for my owner to water me okay i don't know you lady i, lady. I don't want your water. I don't know this water, okay? Like, I'm feeling over water right now, okay? Like, my roots are going to die. Okay, you know what? In fact, I just hope my roots die right now. I would rather just grow right back into the ground, okay? Just be like, my stem will just be like a horseshoe with my head going into the ground. I'm going to be an upside-down rose.

I'm going to be an upside-down rose. Thank you. Literally, like, just, like, tear up this rose garden and throw me out in the trash. I don't want to be here anymore. Every time I'm nice to you. Yeah. But, oh, God, it was so awkward. I mean, here's the thing.

Obviously, it's like one of these perfect storms that happens with women, which is that, I guess it can happen with men, too, but it seems to always happen with women, which is that both of these women are hitting on each other's deepest insecurities, which is clearly that Heather reminds Bethany of her mother, and Bethany probably reminds Heather of the cool kids that never accepted her in middle school. Oh, my God.

I don't think Heather reminds Bethany of her mother. I think Heather probably reminds Bethany of what her mother wasn't, you know? Well, no, but meaning that she tends to mothers her, and Bethany's like, you know, like, no. I don't get mothered. Yeah. I mean, I think it's probably another no. I don't get mothered. Yeah. I mean, I think it's probably another—

I haven't been mothered. Have you heard? Have you heard? Do you want me to talk to you about it? Do you want me to talk to you about what my mother was like? Don't make me hit you on the head with a phone right now, Heather. All right? Just back away.

Back away. Drowning— Signed, signed, the drowning rose. All right? The drowning rose. Well, I mean, to be fair, I'm sure also it's not just, like, the mother issues. I mean, Heather is really annoying to Bethany like she she is like condescending and

passive aggressive and she makes little barbs and she hides behind things like what I was just trying to get I was just trying to be nice to her I was just trying to get to know her I was just trying to make a joke no Heather come on we're not we're not idiots yeah but then I love this this is a good time to mention that

in the tweeter verse is that what it's called the twitter verse or whatever the bravo twitter verse uh last night someone said something to heather and she replied yeah i've been hit by the editing stick for a couple seasons in the row in a row i'm getting used to it and bethany tweeted her oh we're blaming editing now home girl because i've done this show for years and i've never used that excuse holla go girl yeah yeah see this is the bethany we like um and you know the truth was you could see bethany was really rattled by this because she well she went into her crying mode well she didn't feel like it was freaking crazy like too much adderall fit yeah and and

i think that when she cries i don't feel like it's crocodile tears. No, she's really fucking crying. She's going nuts. She's taking something, I'm telling you. That's not normal. Well, but she also had a good explanation, which is like, I am going through so much shit in my life right now, I want the wall up. She's like, it was a very, it was actually a very. Like, I don't want to talk about it. I will be lying on the floor sobbing if I start talking about it.

Oh, really? I will be lying on the floor sobbing if I start talking about it. Oh, really? So let's go to your shrinks again. Or let's go watch you have lunch with your stepfather or whatever and listen to how he raped and murdered people. Yeah. What do you mean you don't want to talk? You don't want to talk about it to Heather. Which, listen, I don't blame you.

I wouldn't want to talk about my shit with Heather either. But let's not pretend you're just so private, okay? Yeah. But it was still a very self-aware comment to make. Because Sonia would be like, no, my walls are down are down i am down i am lighting my abundance candles i have abundance of no walls you know yeah bethany's like my walls up on purpose is to keep people out like you okay you're the reason people invented fences okay yeah and so then heather stands up and she's like okay hey mama come on let's go let's go talk beth let's go talk and bethany's like no i don't want

to do this just leave me alone just leave no, I don't want to do this. Just leave me alone. Just leave me alone. She's like, I don't want to talk to you in private. I don't want to talk to you in public. Why would I want to walk away from the table and talk to you in private? Yeah, and I can understand.

She's like, I've tried everything, and goes and sits on her little husband's lap. Yeah, and then Heather starts to cry. But I mean, I can understand Bethany's frustration. She's just trying to enjoy herself, and this woman is being totally passive-aggress to enjoy herself. And this woman is like being totally passive aggressive to her. And this looks like the first time all season long that Bethany has been truly enjoying herself. I mean, she was cracking up.

She was having a great time. She wasn't even doing – But don't you think part of her was being rude? I mean, I think she was being rude. She was being like really, really overly loud and obnoxious, think when heather was trying to talk yeah she wasn't she wasn't being loud and obnoxious but i think honestly honestly i think that uh it was a huge table i think bethany was right there was like 20 people no one else was talking and bethany was like cracking up and whispering to sonia who also doesn't like heather and kind of mocking her

and laughing really loud and spitting out her drink like she was being a bitch the thing with Bethany is you the only way to really be on Bethany's side lately is when she's against someone you don't like so I like all these women so I'm not really ever on her side but I like her you know I like her

and I'm not saying she's like a total asshole but I think Heather was right too and Heather the thing with Heather is that's her personality too like if they're gonna accept Bethany's crazy personality just for how she is Heather is a passive aggressive bitch she talks to everybody like their child you know that she's the kind

of person who tells the waiter thank you so much and it's nice the whole night but then at the end of the night she's like here's let me give you some constructive criticism could you bring out the chef and the bus boys and whoever takes care of the bathroom because there were no paper towels in there i just want to speak to the staff and you're like oh god like she's that way and you just have to accept her how she is too you can't just like start freaking out on her at a dinner party and like being a little teenage bitch when

you know you don't like her so you're going to talk through everything she says and make an ass out of her you know well i mean i don't know i mean i first of all the it's a little hard to gauge the context it's hard to gauge like were these women intentionally interrupting her was with the editing making it look like it was a lot i also i mean i understand why heather was annoyed but i just don't think – like, it shouldn't have been a big deal. I think it was a big deal to Heather because it was coming on the heels of various overtures being rejected by Bethany. I think Bethany was openly mocking her because didn't she turn to the guys and she's like, do you want to kill yourself? Do you want to kill yourself with a butter knife or do you want to kill yourself with a chef's knife? Because I can get you either kind of knife.

Oh, I didn't realize that. I wanted to kill myself by, like, swallowing Drano or something. Oh, I thought that she was – I didn't realize that i didn't swallowing drano or something oh i thought that she was saying stuff i didn't realize that she was saying that to the guy i thought i thought she was still joking about how it felt like a murder mystery so she was talking about murder weapons maybe she was maybe she was i totally misread that the way they edited it was they kept they were showing heather talking and then they were showing bethany like i want to kill myself right now you know i totally show heather again and then bethany would be like like seriously if if like hugging brin would murder me i would actually hug brin right now i i think i pick her up and hug her i think i totally misinterpreted that well then that's

one thing but still i don't know maybe i'm maybe i'm getting it wrong it's these guys are so stupid that even picking aside is stupid and then trying to figure out the details of it is even dumber because i mean what are you gonna do and then we had sonia in the corner like trying to be 20 again standing up with carol at some point like well you know you can't get a vibrator that looks like a penis because guys really don't like the competition so you have to get really cute ones with handles that are pink. And Dorinda's like, I've had two vibratus.

They both died. I'm on my third one. It looks like a penis. I'm not giving it up. Okay? It's my third one. It has a really big battery pack. It's like a cell phone from the 80s, you know?

It's way bigger than it needs to be. I have to plug it in. It keeps going out in the middle of calls. But, you know, it's the third one, so I'm keeping it. Yeah. So anyway, the episode ended with a to-be-continued as Heather and Bethany were crying. So I guess we'll have to see what this dramatic cliffhanger, how it will resolve itself. In the meantime...

These bitches need to understand. You have someone at the table who is fucking mario's mistress while he's fucking remote or you know like come on let's talk about that yeah why are we talking about bethany's issues let's ask the guy okay because heather brought it up at the table these ladies are dropping the ball i don't know what the hell they're thinking they didn't even bring it up i mean i just wanted luann to give him a chance to be like listen i i think that it's a little weird that you're sleeping with a guy, but at least he's not one of my employees. So good for you.

Good for you. Do you imagine sleeping with someone who works for me? Low class. She's probably like, you know what you should really do for Ramona to really turn her on? Why don't you take her for a hike in the Berkshires? She's usually like that. Luann, I can't believe you told him. I can't believe you told him to take me on a hike.

You know I can't do hikes. You know this ruined everything. This sabotaged the entire relationship, okay? Sorry. I'm sorry. But it ruined everything, Luann. You did that on purpose, Luann. You know, I'm the one who normally does the craziest sabotage, and you did it to me this time, okay?

Blue Stone! and you did it to me this time, okay? Blue stone! Because Carol's like, we should name this mansion Blue Stone because there's blue stone outside and Dorinda has blue eyes and there's a blue room. And Ramona's like, great! We're going to name it Blue Stone!

And Dorinda's like, great idea, Ramona. Great idea, Ramona. Oh, yeah. Bluestone. Bluestone! Stupid from a man. Love you, Real Housewives of New York. So let's move on to the new show on the block,

Secrets and Wives, which follows the lives and loves of various Long Island women who all look like Lizzie Grubman. Okay. Oh, this show. This show is hilarious. I'm glad I was sitting at the computer when I watched it because I could type and I've got like a book. Me too. Well, like a pediflora length book, but like a book of notes for this.

So sorry if it's too much, but this might be five hours long. Yeah, this is basically like, Bravo is kind of doing a do-over on Princesses Long Island. They realized that the first time they tried to capture Long Island culture, they went too young. Sometimes Bravo tries to get the youth

audience, and they fail. They should just stick with Vanderpump Rules and accept that that's going to be their young crowd. Maybe Southern Charm, southern charm too so this time they were smart they decided let's go for the cougars of long island well this is the epilogue so all the girls on princesses long island all they wanted was a man and to get married and to be taken care of and blah blah blah and now we see what it leads to. Yeah, this is, if you ever wondered what happened to Chanel and Erica and to the little one,

this is where they are right now. Yeah. They're all blonde and they all have faces from other housewives. Did you notice that? We have a Vicky. There's a woman who looks like Vicky. There's a woman who looks just like Tamara.

Who else? There's a woman who looks like the blonde version of Joey from Princesses Long Island. And by the way, it's like the same issues. It's the same thing. It's like, well, we're all from the North Shore, but there's one girl from the South Shore, and that's just not as sophisticated. It's like, oh, gosh. Literally the same stories.

But you know what? I love it. I love it. I love it. Right in the opening, where they're like this season on secrets and why one lady is like i don't just have tmj from giving too many blowjobs okay and then another one that you know oh so my husband was in prison get over it yeah that's like that's how it opens oh there's a shannon bedore yeah and here the one who's married to the doctor looks like shannon bedore ramona there's's a Ramona, a Tamara, a Vicky. I mean, come on with this show.

I love it. There's even a Beth from Real World. Even though it's technically a different franchise, it still has the word real in it. So these women are, first of all, the headline here is that they've all slept with each other's husbands and owned each other's houses. And they all went to high school with each other. So that's the running thread through this um and all these women are about as ladylike as the raven that was eaten on real housewives on new york city they're like the uh it starts off with cory this woman cory and it starts off with her

like summoning her daughters down for dinner on the intercom. She's like, dinner time! Now! I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is going to be a serious, this is going to be an intense show. Isn't she the one who was yelling at her dog for peeing in the house? Because I do that. My dog does not pee in the house or he would be murdered, by the way. But my dog still doesn't behave.

And I fight with him like we're in a relationship. I'm like, why are you pulling the lead? I'm so sick of you pulling. Like, I can't even say it anymore. Why are you doing this to me? The dog doesn't know English. Yeah, I know. I hate that when people have like human conversations with dogs.

I think that I mentioned this last week about how I was at a barbecue on Memorial Day and how the dog was banished to the inside because the little kids outside were instigating the dog, so they put the dog inside, and then the kids went inside and were still instigating the dog, and the mom was like, don't, you know, you can't go inside. It's not fair to the dog,

because the dog's punishment is that the dog has to stay inside, so if you go inside and, like, rile up the dog, that's not fair to the dog, you know? Like, that's not fair. The dog doesn't give a shit. That isn't fair, letting your little mongrels get all over that fucking dog. They shouldn't be instigating because that's why dogs

bite people. Next time he sees kids, he's going to try and bite them because he's going to be afraid that they're torturing him. I'm on the dog owner's side. Why shouldn't the kids be chained up in some fucking room? The kids should have been chained up but the way she was talking about it, the dog was yearning to be out. The dog was fine.

The dog was, like, hanging out inside. The dog was totally fine. It wasn't like the dog was like, guys, this is so not fair. I was punished, and now you're keeping on... Oh, you don't know dogs. You're obviously not a dog owner. Dogs are the most emotional little fuckers.

Bueller, when I'm working, Bueller goes into the room, goes into the bedroom, in the dock, alone, like a dog, when I'm working, Bueller goes into the room, goes into the bedroom in the dock alone like a dog. And every five minutes, he jumps off the bed and I hear click, click, click. And then he stands across the room and just looks at me really sad. So I'll pay attention to him. And when I don't, he just puts his head down and click, click, click, goes back into the bedroom and does the slowest jump back on the bed.

It's like you hear the thump. It's like the slowest jump he can manage. And just pouts all day. They're very emotional, these dogs. I know dogs are emotional. Listen. Listen. Kingsley, okay? Enough said. Feelings. I mean, if that's not

feelings. I don't know what are. So anyway, so it's like dinner time. Corey's daughters are like I'm so sorry but I have to say this this is going to happen a lot during this show by the way because I took notes on every little thing I'm like look at the chandelier so this same lady

who was just yelling talking about the dog peeing she's like Nancy get down here the dog is peeing everywhere and the maid's like just smiling and doesn't know any English. And her answer is, poquito. Like, a little bit.

And then the wife whips out her Google Translate. And she's like, listen, Siri, you tell her that the dog is pissing everywhere. And it's like, the dog is urinating all over the house. And the maid's like, oh, okay, poquito. Like, she totally understood the whole time. everywhere and it's like the dog is urinating all over the house and the maid's like oh okay poquito like she totally understood

the whole time Nancy she's like te amo Nancy she's like gracias I love you Nancy oh muchas gracias bitch puta so now they're like so Corey

Corey's downstairs and she's making a salad with the daughters. And one daughter's like, Mom, I don't like avocado. I don't want avocado and I don't want lettuce. And the other one's like, I like cucumbers, but I want avocado. I'm like, oh, God, these girls. What a dramatic life you lead. I like when she's trying to be young with her daughters and she's like, hey, you guys want some avocads? Avocads.

Want some avocados avocados want some want some avocados well there was really super dramatic like garage band um rock loops playing through this and i'm thinking what is so dramatic but then when she called her kids down from dinner and we saw the house i knew what it was where i was like look at the wallpaper look at the carpet the wallpaper was like like bordello cream it was like that color um that pattern in a bordello but it was like cream and then the carpet is leopard print yeah okay come on and the funny thing is um you know after she was bossing around her her maid she put some chicken in the oven i thought well you know it's nice to see that she can at least do her own cooking you know it's so rare that you see these households actually cooking.

Sure enough, smoke comes out, fire alarm, the fire department's on the phone. She can't cook at all. She's like, listen, this is a very, the North Shore is very fancy. Okay. It's like Beverly Hills. Very. It's like Beverly Hills. We have fire departments that call us right away as soon as there's smoke.

Very fancy. So then we go on to. It is not like Beverly Hills. We have fire departments that call us right away as soon as there's smoke. Very fancy. It is not like Beverly Hills. And then we go on to Liza. Speaking of Lizzie Grubman, then there's Liza. And then I believe the way, I think it was Corey who's like, all the girls in North Shore used to be like, there's Liza. There's Liza. She's larger than life. I mean, just listen to the name.

Liza Sanders. I mean, who doesn't want to say that name? Liza. Here comes Liza she's larger than life I mean just listen to the name Liza Sanders I mean who doesn't want to say that name Liza here comes Liza she's just like the queen of the North Shore so I guess this is what like Erica would be like from Princess of Long Island because if you remember Erica's like sort of like the hottest girl on the North Shore like I'm sorry

like it was so hard like it's not easy being the hottest girl on the North Shore I'm sorry and this girl It was so hard. It's not easy being the hottest girl in the North Shore. I'm sorry. This girl, not Liza, but the one who's talking about her, the one who burned the thing with the leopard print carpet. Corey.

Tamara. She's like, everybody wants to be Liza. I love Liza. I love Liza, but she's a whore. I wrote her that same quote. You didn't hear it from me, because I didn't want to gossip. Yeah, that was amazing.

I wrote that down, too. The technical quote is, I love her, but she slept with half the neighborhood. Ruba has it, she slept with half the neighborhood. I don't know. You didn't hear it from me, even though I just told America. I love her, though. I love her.

I wish I could just put her in my oven and burn her to pieces, too. I'll bet she'll have another cat. And then Liza says, when I had my affair, it was a huge scandal, but I still hang with my ex. I don't think she... It doesn't look like she's hanging with her ex too much oh no no she's not the one who hangs with her ex she's the one who hangs with

oh these women they all look the same liza hang lie her ex is like a hedge fund guy liza lives with her best friend andy and they share a bed um andy it's kind of funny andy has like old older woman face but she dresses like she's 17 although andy actually of all the women i think andy's actually the the coolest but she dresses very age inappropriate she's like yeah i'm gonna put on some jorts now and then they talk about farting in bed yeah this show is all class and then they're also what was funny is that the women are going to a fashion show. Wait, wait, wait. I have to say one more thing about Andy.

I'm so sorry. It's okay. But after farting in bed, I was like, why did I write down farting in bed? But then her friend that she's with is like, yeah, poor Liza. I guess this is Andy. She's like, poor Liza. I mean she's been married. It's really hard for her because she's going to have to get rid of this house.

And, you know, she's been married three times. No, no, Andy is the one who got married. You know, every time. Who's been married three fucking times? Andy. The show, it's too much. I can't. I can't.

Andy is the one. It's going to make my head explode. Andy is the one who's been married three times. Liza. All right, I'm just going to say the one blonde lady said because that's almost everybody on the show. So the one lady who's like, she's been divorced three times and poor thing i mean she gets less and less every divorce i mean it's really hard for her she has to budget my god i know well i love this liza woman the entire time all episode long she's talking about how she's gonna have to give up the house this is so hard

this is the house they work so hard for it's like bitch you had an affair with donnie deutsch okay so if you didn't want to lose all this don't have an affair that's as simple as that anyway you know she learned her lesson and the lesson is not to not have an affair but to not do it with a famous person yeah she's like i've learned i'm only fucking poor people behind dumpsters from now on. Well done. Well done. School of life. So the thing is, so Liza and Andy are like joking. What I did like is that they were being so shady about this upcoming fashion show that they're going to.

Because normally people on these shows take these fashion shows very seriously. Like remember Game of Crowns? They went to a fashion show with the little girl where she sang that stupid song like... From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think

about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful.

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by joining Wondery Plus. Well, that's my kid up there. Every one of these shows, whether they go to the posh fashion show, whether they go this or that, they always act like they're going to Milan. This is like the first time ever that these two women were like, you think Vogue is going to be there? And then they just start laughing. I was like, thank God. Thank God. This does earn them at least one point.

So anyway, we'll get back to that fashion show because it's coming up. But then we meet Gail. Gail is the wife of this asshole plastic surgeon and um the she's the one who looks like shannon bedore and she looks like she probably feels like shannon bedore david why aren't you talking to me david david you didn't kiss me when i came in david why are you so hateful you're such a stupid man david david david where are you going david david is it over it's over with me and david This is like her, but she doesn't wear her insecurity on her sleeve like that. She wears it in her nose.

She's like, listen, the one thing I've refused to change about myself in this marriage is my nose. I'm keeping it. Yeah, she sort of looks like a blonde Peg Bundy with a hint of camel DNA, you know? Bundy with a hint of camel DNA, you know? So, so the thing is that the best is so, so she goes to her,

her husband's office and all the girls who work in this, it's in the plastic surgeon's office. It's like, it's almost like the parody. It's all these hot girls. And they're like, Hey, did you put foundation on your shoulder? It's shimmering. i did i'm like

oh my god i can't believe these people would be in a professional environment and later on one of them walked in that fashion show she's like i got a breast augmentation because you i wanted the big breast look and now i have it i'm employee of the month i win i want free boobs i mean he's so obviously starbucks i think they get like a 50 dollar starbucks card jesus christ nice work yeah he is so obviously boinking of every girl in his office i know and the wife knows it too the wife comes into the office and she just looks at them all like your pigs like every single girl working there and the girl who got the free boobs is like hi gail hi gail oh my god so good to see you gail you look beautiful and gail's like um yeah how about you unwrap your vagina from my husband's cock and let me talk to him for about five minutes okay yeah the only just about the only person in that office

who is not like a like a hot long island girly, the office manager. It looked like she came straight from Whoville. Ain't that always the case? Someone's got to count the pencils. She's probably like, she's like the madame who keeps all those girls under control. They have their own number in Les Mis. The Long Island version of Les Mis, they have a whole song together.

So, alright. Oh, all right. Oh, okay. A question I have real quick while we're talking about this Gail. This Gail. Okay, so obviously she's in a bad marriage. I mean, sorry, but this is one of those bad marriages is just so obvious. And as is explained later in the show, we find out why they're all in terrible marriages. Basically because none of these bitches will get a job and they rely on their men.

But before we get there, let's just talk about plastic surgeons for a second. What the hell is with plastic surgeons being such cunts about women's beauty and all being fat and ugly? I mean, that guy doesn't even wear a wig. He doesn't even have plugs. He's making no effort. That guy doesn't ever skip a wig. He doesn't even have plugs. He's making no effort. That guy doesn't ever skip a meal. He's fat. He's buggy.

What the hell? He's cocky, too. I mean, we've seen a bunch of these plastic surgeons on Bravo, and this guy is easily the worst in terms of attitude and personality. You know, at least Terry Dubrow, he's sort of an asshole, but he's, like, funny and Paul. And at least Terry injects himself. You know terry will work on him are you gonna take your car to get fixed at a place where like the guys only walk no you need to have a man with a car like why would you go to some ugly guy to get prettier

and that explains a lot of the looks in that fashion show well either either way this guy on top of everything else he was also very rude to women. He was rude to his wife. She starts talking. He's like, well, anyway, I need to have office hours, so can you get out of here? Bye, bye, bye. Later on. And that's when the cameras are there.

And she's just giving him that icy look like, I'm telling you off in my head right now, but I have the PIN number to the Wells Fargo account, and I'm just going to take it out on that later. Exactly. And later on, he says something to a woman. He was like, he said, looks like you're ready for the mommy makeover. And she's like, what? He's just obnoxious. He's like, hey, good to

see you. Oh, yeah. Time for that mommy makeover. Jeez. They're like, oh, they're like, oh, Gail, you look like a Barbie doll. He's like, yeah, falling apart. Jesus. Yeah. Not nice. He's a fucking asshole. Jesus. Like, when are you going to finish with your fucking surgery to look like real Perlman's husband?

What's that guy's name? Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito. Yeah. When are you going to finish your Danny DeVito penguin surgery, dick? Yeah. So then either way, Liza and Andy, they actually go to him to get some Botox, and when they're, as they're on their way,

Liza's ex calls up, and I don't know what happened in this conversation, but she suddenly starts freaking out. She's like, talk to me like a human being! Talk to me like a human being! Oh yeah, Liza, who's been cool this whole time, she's like, yeah, things just didn't work out with Arthur, but you know, blah blah blah,

I have to move. Poor me. I have to move out of the house. Can you believe he's doing this? Text. No, I won't show the house tomorrow. So he calls and she's like, hello? Yeah, but don't talk to me like that. Don't disrespect me, though.

Don't disrespect me. And then she shows her friend. Listen, I don't disrespect you. Why are you talking to me like that? No! And then afterwards, she has, like, her classic Long Island. Afterwards, she has one of those classic Long Island, like, overly dramatic moments. She's like, I'm paralyzed.

I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Yeah. I'm paralyzed. And she's, like, immediately calm, you know, after. She goes from calm to, like, don't do anything like that, though. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Shut up. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Shut up.

I'm paralyzed. Talk to me like a human being. Someone talk to me like a human being and unfreeze me because I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. Someone help me. Oh, my God. I can't feel my arms. I'm paralyzed.

Talk to me like a human. Talk to me like a human so I can unfreeze. If you're wondering about the relationships in this show, there's a bunch of clues that are dropped throughout the show. One of these is one of these girls talking about Gail because they just showed Gail. And one of them said, Gail lived every woman's dream twice. She married a doctor two times. Like, oh, God. You women need to get different fucking dreams.

Is that place cut off from, like, the Internet or the rest of the world? I mean, come on. We're farther than that, women. Come on. Stand up strong, women. get different fucking dreams is that place cut off from like the internet or the rest of the world i mean come on we're farther than that women come on stand up strong women well these women need to be modern women maybe like susan and you know what susan's whole thing is she works she has a job she has a job she's always been working she's been working ever since she graduated she works she's a new girl south shore sus Susie. South Shore Susan. So, you know, inevitably, I kept on wondering as the show was going on. I was like, there has to be a new girl in this group.

There has to be. And sure enough, it's Susan who has, she's the only one with dark hair, and she's from the South Shore. So leave it to Andy. Andy, who is walking around in jorts with a pocket sticking out of her ass. She goes, you know, south shore just isn't sophisticated so if the south shore if if this woman is saying the south shore isn't sophisticated then the south shore must be just like a fucking dump it must just be full of trash it's like a broken mattress like yeah it's just like a petri dish of like spood like old worn

out spoods and like gum chewed up gum because if andy and lizzie and and cory and all the rest of them are what qualify as sophisticated and then i have very low hopes for the south shore very very low hopes oh my god they have couches outside they have couches on it's a couch on a porch daddy that's princesses long island if y'all missed it please go back and watch it you'll thank us later yeah seriously that show is amazing dad hire a jet i need to fly to the south shore and then, help me! So now we are at this fashion show. Now, this is not just a fashion show.

This is a plastic surgery fashion show. So the ugly, fat Danny DeVito penguin doctor can criticize women and then show off his wonderful work in front of people. Well, before that, though, before we even get to the fashion show though we have we get to see a little bit of susan in in her home we get to meet susan we get to meet her husband john and this guy is a schlub this guy is just the king of the schlubs and oddly enough i

feel like i'm gonna like i'm gonna like him the most you know because he everything he sits there in his little laptop hey susan hey susan on my laptop and and she's like uh hey hey john i think i'm gonna go buy this now he's like hey susan your pocketbook is a revolving door the money goes in the revolving door then goes out the revolving door i'm like yeah john i think we all understand how a revolving door works you don't have to spell it out like we get it my money's like the kind that goes in through the revolving door but then it puts its foot in the revolving door so it can't move and then no one else can get in the revolving door and then people are like is there a regular door and i'm like no but now you can look at me because i'm in a cage with my money one time i put too

much money into susan's revolving door purse and then the money got caught and the money got hurt and we had to take the money to the hospital because it broke its arm getting caught in the revolving door because the door goes around you see it goes around if you put too many things in there it gets caught that's the way revolving doors work and that's why money in the revolving door works here let me explain some more i love it and he's he's telling her this is how he wakes up in the morning oh brush your teeth the alarm clock didn't wake me up. Your breath did. And she's like, ah, fuck you, John. Fuck you.

Fuck you, too. She's like, fuck you. I'm going on my run. Never gets easier. I'm always running the same thing. It's always the same. Just running. Just running.

That's what poor people do. These rich bitches don't run. Why aren't these rich people running? This is what poor, this is how we do it in the South Shore. We earn it. We run. Babe, it's like you're running a marathon. You know, it's like a marathon is like a 26-mile thing.

So even though you're not doing 26 miles, it feels long. So it feels like a marathon. That's why I said it's like a marathon. Babe. Your breath. So, yeah, that was super classy. And then this is the woman who just bragged about being the only one that's been working for 20 years. And she's like, babe, I need money.

I need money. Why don't I have any? He's like, you got a job. She's like, yeah, but I need more money. I need more. What are you so begging here? Do you make any money at this job? Let's be honest.

Yeah. What was her job again? She says she's been selling clothes. So I don't know what that means. I don't know if she's like a buyer for like Marshalls or some shit i don't know what yeah i don't know listen having a tag sale does not count as a profession yeah she's like i had a yard sale i sell clothes that's what we do on the south shore it's called the job so either way uh now we get to the fashion show and then cory and so cory and liza see each other like oh my god hi hi hi and cory's like

yeah you know what i met liza when we were both having gastrointestinal issues i'm like yep north shore so sophisticated and i knew she was the shit i'm like yeah literally i knew she was full of shit um i was like i was like are you having problem taking shits and she was like yeah i'm having problem taking shit so weits. We're both constipated together. Oh, my God. We're like best girlfriends. I just love that they're talking about how classy it is. While they're in a plastic surgery fashion show and the guy, one of their husbands brings cheese.

He brings like three pieces of cheese and he's like, here, ladies, I brought you some cheese. Don't cut the cheese. Oh, God. And never I brought you some cheese. Don't cut the cheese. Oh, God. And never mind all the purple lighting. And purple lighting, yes. It was definitely lit like a Shaw's party bus. So then we have our first hint of a rivalry, which is that when Susan shows up, Gail's like, you know what? We've taken an aerobics class, and that's the extent of our relationship. Susan is not classy.

Oh, God. Lady. Says a lady married to the penguin. Just be quiet. You know, it's always those bitchy, uptight ladies married to husbands who hate them, who hate all the ones that have fun. So I look forward to her getting raked over the coals, because she's awful. You know Gail's awful, right?

Gail is awful and she's just basically projecting all her unhappiness onto Susan. And I get why she would be unhappy, but I'm from the land of it's your fucking fault for marrying a rich doctor just for his rich docterness. You did not marry that man

for his poetry or his looks. I know that much. So deal with it, bitch. And actually, at some point in this show somebody says uh oh we in the scene we already talked about where the lady freaked out on the phone with her ex-husband and she's like thanks to me like a human her friend in the car said listen he's taking care of you do what you got to do and just hang up the phone what's the big deal it's like you're getting the money from it right like do your job and be quiet and i kind of like that let's just rename this show whores just whores pretty much island whores on long island yeah um so speaking of people who are unhappy enter amy who is the one who looks like beth from the real world she sort of glides into this fashion show i think think she looks like the chick from Vanderpump Rules.

Veil? Veil, yeah. Maybe it's Veil meets Beth. Either way, she's sort of like, she's very sad. She walks in like a sad Japanese ghost. And everyone's like, Hi, Amy. Hi, Amy. Oh my god. Amy's like the most sophisticated out of all of us.

I was like, where are these women getting the notion of sophistication? Do they know what this word means? Maybe that's the problem with the show. They don't actually know what sophisticated means. I wouldn't be surprised. Wait, they said she was the most sophisticated or the least? I think they said she was like the most. They're like, she was born and bred on the North Shore.

Oh, well, she's also like the youngest and prettiest. So i think there's like a certain amount of respect slash hate that goes along with that from the other ladies yeah now to be fair some of the women what they were saying about susan started to make sense when susan was like you know what happened to me with my boobs one time i felt the warm tingling sensation and then i felt i put on this i was like i have to put on sports bra and put it on and then my husband was like Babe you gotta go to the gas station You better fill her up You better go off to Mexico You better work in Mexico

Ho ho ho ho I'm like You might as well have gone to Mexico babe Maybe they could have fixed your breath there too A wife with some big tits And breath that smells like tacos I'm in Yay Mexico

Viva El Poquito Babe it's like you got a watermelon and a pancake What am I supposed to do This isn't a complete breakfast Hey babe it's like you got a watermelon and a pancake what am i supposed to do this isn't a complete breakfast hey babe she's like yeah john yeah but what else do you talk to because she was saying that stuff to the plastic surgeon they love that shit and he's like oh hello she's like oh a plastic surgeon listen to my boob story and he's like yeah we gotta go yeah i gotta go meet the lady from the news an actual celebrity who's gonna be on

my show she's like okay then yeah he's like we have a big star here today pamela defranco from cbs morning news she fills in every third thursday on the saturday morning 5 a.m shift she's gonna be our mc so excuse us we have royalty here we're talking we're gonna be talking to the spokeswoman for chucky cheese all right we have more important things to do here. Excuse me. We have Connie Schwartz here. As you all know, she is the former consumer reporter for Fox 5. And I think everyone still remembers her story about Bumblebee Tuna Fish.

Okay? Come on. She'll be emceeing. She's the first person to ever meet john stossel and fought in his face it's a parade for connie every year that guy's such the the husband who's the pig is so funny i just fucking he's like juicy joe who's already been to prison and gives no fucks like he he does not care he says whatever he wants he's like cat calling duringcalling during the fashion show.

He's like, yeah, look at those tush implants. Oh, to be single again. Oh, to be single. Yeah, Fred Flintstone, you're totally getting in on that 20-year-old fake butt. Get out of here. You know what's kind of funny, Ronnie? I actually wrote down Fred Flintstone also. Well, yeah.

I mean, that's the most obvious Fred Flintstone. Yeah, and the rest of them are all Barneys. Including the women. The women are are all Barneys. But, um, including the women. The women are just like Barneys with extensions. Including the women. I love that fashion show. It's like, they start, like, talking shit about all the models as they're walking. The ladies are like, calf implant, butt implant, nose job, ear job, neck job.

Yeah, I love that. My husband's like, yeah, love your new neck. I want to stick my penis in its folds until it, you know, does something. I don't even know what it's going to do. I haven't found out since prison. I'm young again. It was such a sophisticated body pot show. I hope they all went to

Leonard's afterwards and got themselves some nice spaghetti. Those cats really up to sophistication level. Yeah, it was by far the most exciting thing happening on Northern Boulevard that entire night. I don't understand muscle implants. Those are so weird to me. If you get big muscle implants, people are just going to ask you to help them move. Yeah. It's like buying a pickup truck.

Why would you ever do that yeah exactly um so side note side note alert too late i hate pickup trucks i do too but we also live in la with tiny parking spaces so big cars really i get very resentful i think i hate pickup trucks mainly because of the commercials that are produced surrounding them. The Dodge Ram! Are you a man? Yeah, it's all that bullshit. This Ram can pull a cruise liner. I'm like, great. I was hoping to transport the QE2 across the country.

The Dodge Ram. The only truck big enough to carry your tiny penis and your obese family everywhere on the weekends. Dodge Ram, the only truck big enough to carry your tiny penis and your obese family everywhere on the weekends. Dodge Ram, not for pussies. I know. And the whole thing is, like, a pickup truck is supposed to be sort of like a symbol of good old America, old-fashioned values, farmers, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Pickup trucks are so damn expensive now. Like, you have to have so much money like they

are clearly for the elites well they still are like old america because they're like pick up the dodge ramp and then the background is always like an american flag blowing and like a golden retriever like a gold filter over it yeah then a golden retriever hops in and then they're always like can your dog can your pickup truck do this? And they drop 10 girders in the back, and the pickup truck sort of lurches. And it's like, yeah. I'm like, since when are you going to be dropping giant girders into the back of your pickup truck? Just get out of here.

I've had enough of you with your pickup trucks. How about a funny pickup truck commercial? Why not that? Why does everything have to be cast in this world of man world of, like, manly patriotism and, like, super conservative? Real Americans drive pickup trucks. How else could we take all those Native American bodies to the river and dump them in? Pickup trucks! How we killed the Indians.

Real men! Yeah, I think that's what I really hate about pickup trucks. It's just the way it's so overtly— It's always, like, short, fat guys getting out of those anyway. Yeah, darling. There's never really a hot, fucking all-American, big old Marlboro man coming out the pickup truck. Never seen it. It's always some little short dude with a fat wife.

Like, get out of here. Penny, quickly, get over here. Chef Penny, what I want you to do is this, okay? We're going to get a pickup truck, and we're just going to fill the back entirely with tuna tartare, all right? And then just deliver it to the men at the construction site, all right? We want the men to know that just because this bar's not for them doesn't mean our tartare's not for them. We have to go menu two, boys.

Here's what we got, all right? We got three vats worth of salmon mousse, all right? Just fill up the back of the pickup truck and send it off to the Grand Canyon, all right? There are lots some men there. Anyway. I like how the poor, the South Shore girl was talking, trying to be nice to Gail, the plastic surgery wife. And she's like, hello, Gail. How you doing?

And Gail's like, mm-hmm. I have to work now. I actually have to work. She's like, you work? Yeah, behind the scenes for my husband. I've been working for him for years behind the scenes. And she's like, uh-huh. I like that the poor mom was like, uh-huh.

Yeah, the poor mom was like, yeah, well, you know what? I type on a keyboard, okay? So I really work really hard too. Yeah. Do you ever sell clothes for your husband? No. Cavs are not the same as clothes. Doesn't count.

So meanwhile, after the fashion show we get to learn more about amy and her 20 year old son emerges from the house in a tutu and rabbit rabbit ears and he gets ice cream from an ice cream truck meanwhile amy's sitting there recording the whole thing she's like hey max is this making insta is it going on insta and i was like this is the saddest thing the sun is not sad he's been want ice cream he came out in a tutu and like a tank top and a crown and he chased the ice cream truck and he's like phil you're here you're finally here in front of a house oh you did it phil and then he gets an ice cream and dances in a tutu in front of the thing and then he's like here mom here's my ice cream it's like what this was just for vine yeah it was just the saddest it was like oh god

here's a mom helping her son try to be an instagram star oh god do they not have community here they're in the north shore darling it was just very very very tragic and then there was some other stuff that really was inconsequential inconsequential her ex came over and sounds like mom you're old like whatever so then we go back to uh to liza's house where she's planning a pre-prom party for her daughter ryan where 300 people are going to come which is absolutely ridiculous but um but anyways yes they were planning the party and liza was pissed some more that she's gonna be losing the house um yeah that huge ass house she doesn't need that huge house

and then it's an ugly house and then the shit talker was like who's amy oh we already talked about amy i'm sorry we're on to the other blonde yeah we're on to life i just love that the speaking of the other one that we just said was boring we're not going to talk about i like that the shit talker was like, I love Amy. Love her. I love Amy. But the scandal is that she met her husband at the Little League game and they were both married. Huge scandal. Huge. Love her.

Love her, though. I really love her. Little League game. She's very sophisticated. She's the most sophisticated woman here. So speaking of Amy, so after the party planning, nothing really happened there. So then Andy met with Amy

at a restaurant and they were talking about Arthur. So there's Arthur, Amy, and Andy. Arthur is like the asshole boyfriend. Triple A. If only they were useful enough to get my car unlocked. I know. If only a tow truck would go and send them off into the sound.

Put them in the flatbed. So the whole story is that Amy's new boyfriend, Arthur, is apparently emotionally abusive. He manipulates her. He sort of yells at her, makes her feel shitty, and then the next day he'll give her roses. We've seen it a million times on reality TV. He goes from abuse to flowers. Flowers to abuse.

So Amy and Andy are talking about it, and Andy's like, you know what? You have to get rid of him. This guy's no good. You know, you gotta look out for yourself. I don't like the way you are with him. I don't like the way he treats you. You gotta have some self-respect. You know, all the typical stuff that a good girlfriend... And this one's been... Is this the one that's been married three times and only giving the advice? It was, right?

Yeah. She's like, what's important is you. What's important is your happiness. Who cares? These are the guys out there. Go get them while you're still young. Go out there and get them. These women act like it's a job.

There are at least three guys out there. There are at least three guys out there. I know that much. Yeah. These guys act like it's a job. And you know when you're talking to your friends and they're thinking of leaving a job? And they're like, I can't leave my job until I find another one. Listen, this is not the same thing.

All right. She's like, look, here's the back of the newspaper. All the jobs are listed. Now listen, any man who lists a job in this paper means that he's working somewhere and he has a job. So go to these job interviews and meet the manager and just try and date them. They're like, these are the personal ads. They're like, that's right. It's employment.

It's wanted. Help wanted. So anyways, they're talking and then I guess Arthur just happens to come and he walks by and he's like, I don't even know what he said. He was something like like this isn't real this isn't funny yeah this is real fucking whatever i think he said something about

the cameras like fuck this i'm not doing this is what is this a show i'm not doing this fuck this fuck you fuck you stupid bitch so amy when it's drinking you're fucking sleep she's like nothing nicer to me tomorrow well amy was confused she thought he was joking at first. She's like, hi, come on, sit down, sit down. But he was like, no, this is a fucking joke. And he walked inside. He huffed and puffed. He was an asshole. And then she's like, I'm going to go follow him.

He's like, fuck you. Get the fuck out of here. Classy. Classy. Classy. Very classy. Then we went to the pre-pour-en-pour. Am I the only person who does not feel sorry for any of these bitches?

Like, seriously? Seriously? Stop it. Your whole life is based on fucking men for money, and now I'm not going to feel sorry for you. Get a job. Yeah. Yeah. So then we go to the pre-prom party for Ryan. And if all you ladies out there, if you guys were wondering this past May or June

where all the dark makeup went, it went into this production because everyone gave themselves the biggest raccoon eyes possible. I mean, this was like, they practically looked like they were wearing masquerade masks. I mean, it was like...

Dark makeup has come to Long Island along with pink hair extensions for the women. Like, what decade what decade is this show filmed in jesus yeah this was these were not smoky eyes this was like there wasn't smoke there was a bonfire and then someone took the ashes and put it on their eyes it was just this was a sooty eye okay i have a feeling that this show was actually made for a different channel and then they passed on it and Bravo bought it. And here's why.

Because – and if it wasn't, I apologize. And I would like to blend that apology into a thank you to Bravo. Bravo, thank you for the gays on this show. I love the gays on this show. There's two gays. Yeah, I like them too. They're gay. They're obviously gay.

Like they're not, you know, like that stupid fake manly gay like in East Hollywood where they're like, oh, yeah, hardcore porn on the TV. Dodge Ram. They're not like that kind of gay. They're like real gay people that just are men, too. And I love it. Yeah. It's like just two like cute guys. And also I have to say these men probably have both Botoxed and they look fairly normal.

So thank you for normal male surgery too because lord knows we've never seen that before on this channel so thank you bravo i loved watching the guys planning the party and standing by the swimming pool and sexually harassing the movers they're like hey yo hey yo johnny are you sure your boys aren't hot and want to take off your shirts yeah that would be great take off your shirts i was like wow these are real men gays i love it yeah i liked it and i was also uh i was also echoing his sentiment about i know and they were even nice to the chubby one i love them i love the gays love the gays on this show thanks bravo you're changing changing the world one day at a time we also met uh liza's mom who was sort of like a uh like a blonde

heavy set jackie collins right and she's oh yes big long blonde hair again dark dark eyes dark lips everything it's just yeah she's gonna be amazing mom i want you to be nice today during the party and don't be your normal self making comments. What comments do I make? I don't make comments. Mom, all day you make comments. Just keep them to yourself. All right, I'll keep them in and then I'll let them out tomorrow and you can hear them tomorrow. All right.

She's going to be so good. I cannot wait to see this mother because you know that's where this bitch gets her personality. You know the mom's going to be mad. She's going to get mad and offended over something and pull a, just talk to me like a human at least. Just talk to me like a human. At some point, the mom's going to do the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

So then Andy and Susan wind up talking about Amy. They're talking about Amy's whole situation. And Susan's answer to everything is like, you know what she needs to do? She needs to leave him. She needs to get a job. She needs to get a job. That's what she needs to do.

Love her. I love her. Which is right. And then the lady she's talking to gets all offended. She's like, can you believe her? Who says that to a woman? Get a job. That is disgusting.

I mean, her answer to everything is self-responsibility and getting a job. I would divorce her. I would divorce her answer to everything is self-responsibility and getting a job. I would divorce her. I would divorce her right now if I was married to her and find another one. I mean, you can't just tell a woman to get a job. I mean, is she talking about a handjob or a blowjob? We need to know these things, okay? She's so ambiguous.

If she was given jobs, she wouldn't have this problem, all right? given jobs, she wouldn't have this problem. Alright? And then the prom bus left and the episode pretty much ended at that point. But yeah, big fan. Big fan. The mom's watching her daughter leave on the bus and she's just like, bye.

I can't believe my daughter's on a bus. I didn't get to say goodbye to Ryan. I didn't get to say goodbye. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. I'm paralyzed. The bus didn't even treat me like a Ryan I didn't get to say goodbye I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed The bus didn't even treat me like a human Just treat me like a human at least I couldn't say goodbye to her

Because I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed I'm paralyzed Someone touch me Someone tag me so I can be unfrozen I'm gonna love this show Yeah I feel like every summer Bravo bus out I'm going to love this show. Yeah. I feel like every summer, Bravo busts out a great lady-centric show that then disappears.

I mean, we've had Game of Crowns, Gallery Girls. This one will probably, you know, since we love it so much, it will probably do terribly in the ratings. And we'll never see it again. So enjoy it while you got it. Princesses Long Island. Yeah, these women look like an open-faced ham sandwich left in a toaster too long and i don't want a sandwich don't have a sandwich i like when they say things like it's it's not hard to look i mean it's very difficult to look this good i'm like really because you look like you're wearing skin curtains over your throat like what are you

talking about who said it was hard to look this good who said that what alternate universe gail said something like oh it takes so much work to keep you know my husband could be out cheating i mean i have to like really work hard to keep that fat ugly bastard at home oh god love it and i love every second of it i'm gonna love hating you bitches bring it on speaking of uh bitches and stuff etc why don't we go to shaz i have a bunch of notes on shaz but i can go to go through them pretty i will let you just do shaz as a monologue if you want because basically i hate this fucking show i hate fucking reza the most exciting thing about the show was that it had a finale stamp on it hated it hated it rooting for the tigers hate the show, glad it's over

bye, bye Shaz I love this show, but they are all ridiculous, so it starts off um, they're still in Thailand for Reza's fake former wedding story, so Reza's like you know what, I'm gonna be a

soldier, you know, cause he's like he's like, you know, Adam's not here but he's gonna be a soldier, he's gonna, he's I'm like, yes, you be a soldier you know because he's like he's like you know adam's not here but he's gonna be a soldier he's gonna he's i'm like yes you'd be a soldier reza you you go and you enjoy a trip in paradise without adam you are a soldier you are really look at how brave you are look at how brave you are enjoying that beautiful weather and those beaches look congratulations so hard meanwhile adam's like crying on the couch at home, like masturbating to free ball porn, you know, alone and sad. Shut up, Reza. I'm not going to feel sorry.

This whole episode. That's why I'm so mad. This whole episode was, oh, let's feel bad for Reza because he misses Adam. Reza's taking a fucking party trip instead of bringing his fiance to the wedding. Like, fuck him. They still could have called off the wedding. I feel bad. You should fucking feel called off the wedding. I feel bad. You should fucking feel bad.

And I don't feel bad for you. Stop your whining with your stupid fake, I'm going to sit here and stare at a serenity pool with that music, please. Shut up. He still could have brought Adam. They could have just enjoyed it as a group trip, not as a wedding. It was so stupid. Why would he do that?

He could be all fucking ladyboys or whatever. So then we have a scene with mike where he's still going like i still love i love them i love res like my brother and i'm sad i see these photos without me like oh yeah so mike is at the taylor we used to be bonded in bad fashion and now i'm here getting a really shitty overpriced ugly suit downtown in some weird person studio apartment on the 18th floor alone it's so sad bro now now mike we know mike's in trouble because he's he's getting a tailor he's getting a tux from a tailor and the tailor's own collar is too big like the tailor can't even fit his own clothes he can't even yeah he can't even adjust like the collar he was like swimming in that collar. This is bad news.

Meanwhile, they were cross-cutting this with Reza getting a custom-made tux in Thailand. It was supposed to be this moment of great sadness. These two friends who were like brothers now getting their own tuxedos separately. And Reza was like, I want a tux that's dictator chic. Which means it's going to have Chevron

going in four different directions that's what that means then anyway back in thailand then the gang they all went to one of those places where they put their feet in a fish tank and the fish you know eat their dead skin and i have never felt worse for fish i was like no kidding those fish are gonna be like gold fish and just eat until they fucking explode and die. Oh, these fish are like... They're going to never get enough loose skin. They're never going to get to the bottom of that skin. They're like, we feel like kings today, but it tastes so bad.

MJ's actually a thin person. She just doesn't exfoliate. That's like layers of dead skin. Yeah. Let's see. Then MJ MJ I have a note here I guess MJ was I think MJ said in maybe one of her interviews that she thinks Asa really needs to get over the bachelor party snub

which is bullshit because if MJ were snubbed for something MJ could hold a grudge forever if anyone loves to hold a grudge it's MJ so she shouldn't be asking for Asa to be reasonable in that situation then yeah I mean she was a bitch and then she's like grudge as MJ. So she shouldn't be asking for Asa to be reasonable in that situation. Yeah, I mean, she was a bitch, and then she's like, well, I guess I was, you know, I guess it offended her. I'm sorry it offended her.

It was like one of those apologies, like, I'm sorry you're offended, but you're like my sister. Well, yeah, they had MJ sort of calm down, and she later had a more sincere apology. So then we have have they all go out at night and uh and reza's like mj actually like like i actually like mj and asa but this show

yeah so so then next thing that happens they go out at night and they're lady boys and they're dancing the bar and reza's like oh my god like guess what i'm finally out of my funk it's like oh my god guys congratulations reza's out of his fake funk, you guys. Oh my God. What a special moment, Reza. Yeah, Reza's now at a place where there's dick everywhere. So he's like going to be totally fine, you know, with what Adam did by making him break up with him

and then leave him at home and not even call any of his friends and just stay there alone to sadly watch free ball porn. Exactly. But then the Reza bullshit express continues the next day when they go to a tiger, they go to one of those tiger sanctuaries to get one of those photos where they're hugging

a tiger. And Reza literally says, Adam and I always had a fantasy of being at this particular tiger sanctuary together. And I'm like, first of all, that's a very specific fantasy. Yeah. That's totally a Yelp fantasy that they were on together like and like how like mean to be like so i'm gonna go without him like and it's like oh no i feel sad

again because adam isn't here like shut the fuck up stop saying this stop trying to do damage control we know you're having a great time go take your douchey tinder photo with the tiger and move on here we are everybody the one place adam wanted to come to in thailand oh poor me like an asshole but those tiger cubes were adorable tiger cubs were adorable that was really that was like i was like really melt whatever i was listening to this i was like i'll be looking at facebook for the next hour so then they go and they have a purity chant which causes uh gg to get very emotional she's like it's making me think of everything i've gone through the past year i'm like what have you gone through what have you done nothing yeah she's like oh my god about it's like it remind me of when i went i sat on the couch or remember that time i went to the fridge oh my god it's all

coming back remember that time i dated a guy without a tattoo? It was so hard. It's still hard. I'm in the hardest relationship. Yeah, Gigi. Poor Gigi in her year. She's like, those guys, I think they're trying to fuck me. It's like, they're monks, all right?

No. MJ's like, look at all these like bald, fat guys. MJ's like jerking off in the corner. Meanwhile, we then cut to Asifa. Asifa and Bobby, who have a scene at guess where? FF. They're at Mixology. Fast forward.

Home to all the greatest reality stars on Bravo. Yes. Where someone got punched on Vanderpump Rules and she stepped on glass or something. Yeah, this place must give a deep discount. So, Asifa's like, I dress super cute to see Bobby. I'm like, you know what? I hope that both of them, when they get to Mixology, they both throw

themselves down those stairs to get up there. I mean, it's just, just go break your necks or something. Please, you guys. I hate this whole, I hate the whole idea of like a woman dressing super cute to make the guy feel jealous or take him back it's so old-fashioned i mean just i hate it so much so then well you know she has to because bobby you know bobby's like giving her ultimatums in 60 days and if she behaves in a certain amount of time he'll give her a gold star which is a ring and

that's all really that's really all any girl wants it's just a ring from a guy that they kind of don't love but has a good job i mean that's what women are right that's all they want just a fucking dick with money who cares fuck you and fuck this fucking show yeah and probably showing up like with too much sun i guess that proves that plastic melts i mean plastic peels just like regular skin that guy looks like fucking robert de niro and al pacino shoved into one body and peeling off their mask and turning into like fucking joe pesci he's horrible they're both horrible they are and the best is at the end you know of course these two because they're awful they settle the differences and asif is like yeah you know i settled them by saying um here's how it's gonna work i'm They settle the differences and Asifa's like, you know, it's awesome. Yeah, I settled that by saying,

here's how it's gonna work. I'm gonna stay the same and you stop being full of shit. And she's like, but then will I get a ring? Sure. You'll get a tiny ring if you behave. Okay, then I'll cut my shit and if I don't you can break up with me, but I just want a ring. Is it gonna be big? I know. So then she's like,

you know, it's funny because sometimes my brain says I shouldn't, but then my heart says I should. And it's like, my heart always wins. I'm like, no, it's not your heart. It's your daddy issues, okay? It's time to be honest about that. My heart says one thing and my brain says another thing and America says shut the fuck up. Both of you get off my fucking TV. Get out.

Yeah. And then we have a scene of Mike and one more scene of him reflecting. He's like, he's like up on, up on top of the Hollywood Hills looking out at Universal City and he's like reflecting about the year

and everything. He's like thinking about things. I'm like, Mike, if there's one thing that will never help you in life, it's staring at the San Fernando Valley. That that will never help you you will get no insights about anything in life by staring at the valley he's like i'm gonna stare at a neighborhood with really big parking spaces

it's like someone in manhattan going through some deep like issues and staring at satan island for help yeah yeah well look, look, you know, actually you're kind of making his point because it kind of does help sometimes to just stare at someone worse off than you. It's like, listen, my life in the city may suck, but at least I'm not living on a trash heap, like a floating trash heap. And I've lived on Staten Island,

so don't give me crap. I'm saying that from personal experience. St. George, baby. Yeah, Staten Island dump, baby. So then it sort of all ends on a beach, and they're frolicking on the beach, everyone in Thailand. And then we get the...

Every season ends this way, with this bullshit line. And this time it was Asa who said it. He goes, you know what? In the end, we just always come together in true love. I'm like, yeah, you know what? In the end, we just always come together in true love. I'm like, yeah, you all come together, except for Mike. Except for Mike.

Kind of forgot that part of it. Totally didn't come together. Every year someone's got to drop off that you kill, you know? Yeah, so you basically didn't come together at all. And then as for Reza, he ends this whole thing by making this list. He's like, you know what I realized? There are so many things that are important to my life. He's like, my family, my career, my car, tiger pictures, Chevron patterns, the place on Stanley, rice. Oh, yeah, and Adam.

That's so patient. Oh, yeah, and Adam. That's so cool. That whole conversation that he had with Asa, the one who doesn't want to talk about the show is always the one who's going to rewind it 20 times to talk about other stuff from the show. But that scene that he had with Asa where she's telling him, listen, babe, you're going to be with this guy for the rest of your life. And, you know, who wants to be in a relationship with no passion? You need to move on um how about one person suggesting just one person suggesting teresa that your relationship possibly doesn't have enough passion because you're not giving something to your partner like why is it all about mike or whatever what's the boyfriend i forgot already

what's it i know his name adam Adam. Adam. I'm dumb. Adam. Adam. Adam. Tame Gay. Tame Gay. Hashtag Tame Gay. Hashtag Tame Gay. You know, maybe Tame Gay needs more attention or love or for it not to be about Reza all the time.

Or maybe Reza needs to find out what is really – maybe Tame Gay has like some freaky shit about him and he needs to be taken care of in a different way sexually. And is too shy to talk to Reza because reza never stops fucking talking about himself maybe reza needs to like talk to adam and say what is the deal with our passion is there something i'm doing am i not being romantic am i turning you off in some way is it my weight is it my butt is it my must is it something like you're part of the relationship too okay you need to make adjustments too it's not all about some fucking guy getting a boner for you okay it's about and and by the way reza if you want him to be more passionate i mean obviously he has some sexual hang-ups or whatever which is fine and it's it would be it's your job to find a way to make adam feel at ease and like bring that out

and and make adam passionate or unlock his passion and and also, by the way, having sex 10 times a day does not necessarily mean passion. It just means you're a horndog. Yeah. And if you want to have sex 10 times a day and that's what you need, then that's what you need. Like, I would get that in a relationship. I would do whatever I could or you know, that goes up and down.

But I would do what I could to help out because you're in a relationship. Like, sex is a huge part of it and I get that it's a huge part of it. But it's not all one-sided. Like if your man doesn't have erectile dysfunction but he never wants to fuck you, there's something going on. So maybe instead of just ditching him, making him cry, going on his wedding and honeymoon without him with your group of asshole friends. And then trying to get attention from a bunch of cameras the whole time while you're talking about how you can't express your emotions while you're expressing your emotions for 12 hours you know maybe you should ask him what he likes yeah just a thought yeah exactly

why don't you just go commando once and give him a boner yeah no kidding how hard is it to go you know commando one time although it's probably pretty hard to see a boner and all that all those patterns it's like am i seeing a boner or is it just another strange checkered chevron? I know you're trying to turn me on, but all I can see is a misshapen chevron and it's really confusing me, Reza. He's like, Reza, I'm trying to look at your boner, but I'm just getting a magic eye pattern and I'm seeing a tree. I think I see a smiley face that's coming at me three-dimensionally. see a smiley face that's coming at me three-dimensionally so next week we get these fuckers in their reunion where they rip rip each other apart ruin each other's relationships and um you know reputations here we go it should be fun speaking of reunions there was the southern

charm reunion southern charm i'm gonna miss you southern charm i know you know it was a fun reunion but i there wasn't really anything like notable for me except except towards the end when Southern charm. I'm going to miss you, southern charm. I know. You know, it was a fun reunion, but there wasn't really anything notable for me, except towards the end when Catherine and Thomas started fighting. One note I did write down was there was some sequence where Thomas was doing something ridiculous. I think it was during the campaign commercial. And Catherine goes, this is the father of my child literally

this is literally the father of my child this is literally the father of my child like you didn't know he was some 30 years older fucking dumpy ass perv the second you met him get out of here you you got yourself you got yourself fertilized by some cheap-ass Target fertilizer. Don't be surprised when your roses grow out funny, honey. Pre-game. I'm trying to read my notes. I wrote lo-fi, but I think maybe that's because I downloaded it from the internet, even though I had it recorded, but I didn't want to watch commercials.

But I was like, wow, are they using a a handheld for this because it looked really um yeah it looked really uh lo-fi and i like that they tried to do the reunion thing that they're doing now with all the bravo shows where it's like dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun and then they show the backstage and usually in the housewives they're like yeah well brandy was mean to me and i'm gonna rip her apart she better not fuck with me today but on this show everybody's nice so the music is the same but then they're cutting to people and it's like shep in a t-shirt and he's like yeah we're gonna have fun yeah oh are there any cheetos around here i I love Cheetos. Y'all got Cheetos? Southern Char.

You're right. It is exactly like that. The only amount of tension was Catherine being like, I just can't believe the things he says. It's just like, it's not right. Because Catherine shows up in this like spandex mini skirt. Yeah. And Thomas showed up in one spandex miniskirt. Yeah. And Thomas showed up in one of Cooper's red suits looking, I mean, I think he's hitting that age.

You know where you're aging really, really well and then one day you wake up and you're like, when did I turn 70? He's having that moment. Or not eating. Something's going on. Thomas is very skinny, yeah. Yeah, it didn't help. Nothing's helping. Your ears are the only things that are still growing thomas come on i'm surprised that cooper wasn't there but i guess i can imagine being like i was invited to the reunion but i believe that gays should be seen and not heard and by seen i mean put in a special corner where

no one looks at them i was invited but i was not invited to bring along a special lady friend and lord knows i won't be seen in public without a lady friend it's just not right i refuse to go on a television show hosted by a homosexual it's not the way they did it in old charleston at least he knows his place and he announces everybody as they come on at his own party i got confused i thought the show was taping at fao schwartz because i saw a lot of i saw a lot of giant size toys wearing my fashions i like that andy was just basically showing them how little shit little of a shit he gave about them he wore wore his glasses. Never a good sign. When Andy's wearing his glasses, he's just like, I'm tired.

And his bowling shoes and his southern suit, his white suit or whatever. And he starts with his usual, Hi, I'm excited to be here. Look, it's Shep. Hi, Shep. Hi, Andy. Hi, Landon. Hi, Andy.

Hi, other person. Hi, Andy. Hi. Hi, other person. Hi, Andy. Literally, hi. I know. It's like, oh, geez. Now, I thought what was interesting was Thomas and Catherine started to really fight in the last 15 minutes. And what was sort of scary was at one point Thomas got real angry. And he was seething.

His lips were curling. And you could see he was furious.'s like he's like i'll tear you apart in court i'll tear you apart and it was scary because it was like the real thomas he said oh you're you're just lying now i'm sick of these lies she pulled a pedophore she was even wearing the like bluish dress and then she like storms she storms off because she's sick of everybody lying about her all these lies and then when he said something else she's like oh it's getting legal now now you're getting legal and he's like i will rip you to shreds and it was it was i know a blogger who knows a little something about law i'm calling my judge sandy duncan to regulate this so so he i'm

liking sandy duncan on instagram until she calls me back. And when that happens, you better watch out. I got WordPress behind me, bitch. Yeah, but that was scary. Because it was like, ooh, that was a real nasty, evil side of him that came out in that instance. And he did it all without raising his voice. But his face tightened up. It was mean, mean, mean.

Well, that video where they showed him that the hairdresser was taking when she's like yeah i mean the fanny bag you know that right that video uh he was gross in that video i still haven't seen that video gross i mean he's so mean and he's wasted and he's naked like he's walking around naked while this other chick is there and yelling at her and apparently he does it all the time because no one seems to really notice the difference. He's just, like, a gross, mean guy. But, you know, in his defense, she's gross, too. She's just some harpy, like, screaming and yelling and fighting.

And I love the part where he's like, yeah, you scream so much. How many hotels have we been almost kicked out of because you're screaming and yelling? She's like, lie, that is a lie. You screwed a lesbian bartender wrestler midget right in front of me at a hotel. What is this couple doing? What are they so dysfunctional? And then they were like, uh,

you know, they, they were so angry and so mean to each other. I thought for sure, like, you know, they haven't, I thought they, they made it seem like they hadn't seen each other in many months. They're sure like you know they haven't i thought they

made it seem like they hadn't seen each other in many months they're like well we haven't this is the first time we've talked since like october and like so when's the last time you hooked up i don't know a while ago maybe like three weeks ago yeah what yeah what and andy's like i think you're gonna fuck after this show right because i'm totally getting that vibe and then they just stare at each other uh it's a Bobby and Asifa. They want to fight in front of everybody and drag everybody into their shit. And then they just go fuck anyway.

Why do you even listen to them? I mean, not you, just us. I also thought it was amusing when they're talking about that hairdresser and Landon's like, why do you still hang out with her? Why do you still hang out? Okay, okay. Well, we don't hang out hang out i mean she did just do my hair but like what am i supposed to do like not color my hair

like she's really good at what she does you know yeah i mean i we also tipped the waiter today breakfast does that mean we're hanging out with the waiter no it just means that the waiter brought us stuff and so we gave him money same thing with the hairdresser but then why did and then cameron's like to be fair you know she did ask for a new fendi bag so it did look like it was kind of planned and she's like yeah but he threw the fendi bag down the purse i mean the purse down the stairs so i mean the whole thing was really weird it was it was really weird and then i kept stepping in to stand up for katherine which is also really awkward because everyone's like like, accusing them of fucking. And then he's acting like her boyfriend.

He's sitting right next to her. And he was the chica of this because every time they'd be like, yeah, but Catherine, remember when you, like, threatened to slit the baby's throat and then almost jumped off the roof? And he's like, well, what she meant was, you know, what she was trying to say was she's, you know, she's frustrated. He was the chica. Yeah. Yeah, it's not what she meant. It's what she's was trying to say was, she's, you know, she's frustrated. He was the chica, you know? Yeah, that's not what she meant, though. What she's really trying to say, then, have you seen her electric drawers? It's like, actually, shut up, chica.

I also liked how the revisionist history about his survivalist night on Jekyll Island. He's like, no, man, like, we were both in two different holes. Like, we weren't in the same hole. Like, we had our own separate holes. So it was totally okay, man. It was cold and rainy, man. And Andy said, yeah, I was going to ask you which hole you were in. And then no one laughed.

And then so he repeated it. And they still kind of didn't laugh because they're Southern, okay? They are very classy, Andy. Yeah. And I have to say, Whitney, by the way, continued to disgust me. Because even though I think we all agree that Catherine is a disaster and immature, bad for Thomas, just as Thomas is bad for her, all that stuff. Whitney is just actually so aggressively nasty to her, to someone who is like, you know, 30 years his junior, who clearly is like a lost, you know, woman, young, like Bambi, you know, like these are like, they're all like adults. And here's this girl thrown into this mess. She doesn't know what to do. And all he does is just say the nastiest things. He's like, well, he's like, he's like, I believe that she, you know,

had a baby to secure herself a spot on a reality show. I'm like, there are many things I believe about this baby. I, but one thing, I don't think she had the baby to be on a reality show. She had the baby because she fell in love with Thomas Ravenel she has like hearts in her eyes I was just it was so nasty and callous I was like you are such an asshole Whitney I don't necessarily disagree with him but I do think that he's a total asshole and why is it okay for him to try and bang her for a job on reality shows and she's fine but then the second that she actually tries to have something real that's not just giving blow jobs to him in a bathroom to get on an episode.

You know, it's like one thing's disgusting, but another thing, isn't it? He's, he's, and then he, well,

he backpedals. Cause I mean, he, for people who didn't watch season one, he, he slept with, or allegedly slept with Catherine and he was like bragging about it. And he's like,

well, whatever. So it's, you know, for him to act like she's this awful person that no one should be touching is bullshit. But then he backpedals and says, no, my only issue with her is, like, I just don't think that, like, for his campaign, like, I think she's bad for his campaign. I don't care about anything else. I'm like, no, no, no, no.

Don't you even start that, Whitney. Yeah, but you also cast him on a reality show, which is also bad for his campaign. So shut up. And you made that stupid commercial. So shut up. Like, all of it, shut up. Whitney is the worst. I loved how Catherine kept – I love that she's not afraid of him at all.

She just keeps coming right back at him. And I loved when he was saying – oh, God, what was she saying? Like, he did this for a reality show. And then she said, oh andy asked about her his girlfriend and she's like oh isn't she a lot younger than you like 80 years younger than you and he said yeah and she's like well isn't that a little hypocritical he's like no no it's totally different because you know like i'm not running for senate or whatever shut up yeah still gross that's that's. That was surprising.

It's like she's not using me for fame. I'm using her for fame. That's the difference. Okay? It's not as gross when you're using a young person for fame, but young people doing it to old people is gross. Okay. By the way, there was a subtly

homophobic thing that happened in the middle of the show, which was that there was something about I think either Tom said it or Craig said it about someone said something to me that was disrespectful. Something that Whitney gets called a lot.

Like, oh, gay. I'm like, why is that disrespectful? Homophobes, homophobes. I mean, I get it, but it's still homophobic. Yeah, everyone, I guess, thinks Craig is gay. Do you think that? I never thought that. No, I think he's just a puss.

Someone posted a blind item, though, on the Facebook page that I think was about him because it said, This Southern star of a reality show insists he's not gay. I love the blind item, they're not blind at all. It's like some reality show star who lost his job as a lawyer after drinking too much with his friend Shep is thought to be,

you know, insists that he's not a homosexual, but no one mentions the fact that he dropped his boyfriend right before he came on the show. Yeah, I don't think... I don't know what that's about. I don't get a gay vibe from him.

And if he is gay, he's an extremely boring gay. Yeah's doing it all wrong stay in the closet all right i have enough boring people to talk to at the bar i don't need you too yeah exactly so i think that pretty much covers a very oh no it doesn't we actually there's something very big to talk about here. Craig has a huge African-American following, which is hilarious. Men. He's like, black men love me.

But that's not it. I like that Catherine was like, yeah, you're mean to me, and I'm the mother of your children. And while you were out campaigning, I was slaving away on your plantation. I was like, oh, no. I love the lack of self-awareness on this show. And I think that's the last thing I wrote. Yeah. She was busy putting mayo on salmon. Yeah. You were slaving at a plantation. Oh, little white

girl, please listen to things you say before they come out. Don't, you know, there's certain things you can't say about a Southern show, and those are two words you can't say in the same sentence if you're a white girl, okay? If you're a white girl whose family goes back to 1731. I was slaving away in your plantation

that still has a fence, by the way. She's like, wait one second. Wait one cotton-picking second, okay? No, no, Catherine. Okay, I'm done. That was a lot of show. This was a long one, huh? It was a lot of show this was a long one huh it was a lot of show oh my goodness a lot of a lot of man no this is a lot of man man we spent a lot of time on long island and we will be there for most of summer i think yes i cannot wait i'm so excited and oc starts next week.

Hopefully we get little Matty Whitfield. We've asked him to come on. Who knows with his busy schedule. OC is on Monday, right? So OC is going to take over the spot of Southern Charm, I believe. Right? Okay, yeah. Yeah, I guess we can talk about this now.

I mean, if you're sick of listening to us, shut it off. It's nothing important. But what days do you want to record now? So, I mean, we're recording the same days. Same days. Should we do OC want to record now? So, I mean, we're recording the same days, but should we do OC on Tuesdays now? I think that'll be good because it's a bigger show

and really, I mean, all the shows we have right now to talk about on Tuesday this week, really. I mean, it was Candy Ski Trip, Blood, Sweat, and Heels and what was the other one? Melbourne's gone. Yeah, so we'll do OC on Tuesdays. Yeah, because two Housewives shows in one of our episodes is too much.

I know. You saw how hard it was for us to do New York and Secrets and Wives in an efficient manner. Yeah, I mean, this shit will be five hours. It'll be Les Mis every week, girl. I mean, this is going to be a summer of bitches screaming at each other. That's for sure. Because we're sophisticated. We're from the North Shore.

Yeah, we're sophisticated. We're from the North Shore. Yeah, we're sophisticated. We're from the North Shore. Ben farted on me. Hey, Mama, it's time to wrap up this show. So everyone, thank you for listening. If you made it this far, mazel tov. Free ticket for you to go to the North Shore of Long Island and be sophisticated.

Thank you for listening. you can support us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends we are almost at a thousand per episode which is absolutely amazing I am gobsmacked I can't believe we've got thanks so much for all of that help you guys and support thank you thank you this is amazing

doing is like an actual job yeah it actually really helps us a lot um uh also facebook if you go to our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends you can read all the gossip that we never even covered on this show a lot of super funny comments a lot of great community if you are jonesing for someone to talk about real housewives with or whatever throughout the course of the week that's where you go and of course go to watch what happens.com to follow us on social media you'll find all our links there so thanks everyone and we will talk to you all next tuesday bye bye everybody

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