Watch What Crappens - #197: STFU Plus Claudia Jordan and Yolanda Foster

Episode Date: June 25, 2015

Ben Mandelker (Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) Join forces to talk crap about Real Housewives of New York and Secrets and Wives. Plus, we gossip about Caludia Jordan getting the axe and Yolanda Foster?s big news. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Um, yeah, so go. Oh, so faring much better in the world of entertainment would have to be Gigi and Bella Haddad, daughters of Yolanda Foster. I first alerted to this on Instagram because I follow Yolanda. I like looking at pictures of her feet and then fake pictures of her being so sick that her son has to carry her, which later turns out that she wasn't sick and she was smiling the whole time but um love that feed but this was first there when i read oh look at gg on the cover of the v magazine standing next to that horrible awkward tree

doesn't she look beautiful and people were like that's bella and she was like oh oh yes bella too she's like i love this photo it really reminds you about the environment, because here you have a beautiful duck named Gigi and all her white resilience. And the next one is one of these poor animals that got stuck in an oil slick that has to be cleaned. Oh, that's Bella. Oh, I'm sorry, Bella. I wish her middle name was started with a P so we could just call her BP and be done with it. They are on the cover of V Magazine because the v stands for i'm so very proud of gg and the one next to her where's anwa you know if you take that if you take the if you take that little thing out

of the a and turn it upside down it becomes a v V Magazine, which has Gigi on the cover of it. I couldn't watch the show Lost because I love Gigi so much that when they talked about the others, I got scared because I thought they were talking about Bella and Anwar. Oh, God. This is my favorite magazine because not

only is Gigi on the cover of it with the other one, but also they let me write an op-ed in it in which I said, To my love, David, thank you for making a magazine possible. Signed, me. To celebrate, we are bringing the seven tenors out of the basement to sing along with David of a song he wrote. Don't say anything. Don't talk.

Don't talk, David. David, my love. My love, I would like to write another op-ed in V Magazine. It's called Why I Simply Cannot Go to the Amalfi Coast for a Tenth Year in a Row. I am just so sick of the beautiful water and scenic landscape. Please,

can we go to the Seychelles? Thank you. I'm going to write an op-ed piece called What is David's Op. Thank you, Next Issue, for supporting this podcast, okay? And thank you, everybody, for being with us and listening. Welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. Woo-hoo! I'm Ronnie Karam, and I'm with the lovely, talented, handsome,

and summer-air-breathed Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Oh, hi, Ronnie. I do have so much summer-air-breathe in me right now. It's coming out both ends. of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Oh, hi, Ronnie. I do have so much summer air breath in me right now. It's coming out both ends. If you want to find me or Ben personally on social media or Twitters and all of that, just go to watchwhatcrappens.com

where all of our links are listed. You can also come to Watch What Crappens on Facebook, facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk to other listeners and us. We have live show threads going for all the nights of the shows that we cover. Shit is hilarious, so go check it out. People are really funny on there, and we'll be reading a lot from that today. Also, thank you to everybody who is supporting us on patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens.

That's patreon.com slash watch what crappens. That's patreon.com slash watch what crappens. We created a premium feed there a few months ago so people could subscribe for our bonus episodes, which we just finished up a huge Big Brother episode so that'll be up today. Super fun episode. Yeah, so subscribe for those. Google Hangouts and Ringers

and thank you so much to everybody who is subscribing. It's allowed us to do this show twice a week, which we do. We're doing this like four to five hours a week now, which is so much fun. Yeah. Our episodes are getting longer than they've ever been. And I feel like we're covering more stuff. Or at the very least, we're just talking about more minutiae, which we enjoy.

And I hope you guys enjoy it, too. And if you don't, you can just press fast forward. There's a lot more, David. David. Because of you guys. So thank you. And I think that's all our plugs. You want to talk about Austin? Austin. Yes. Okay. Ben and I are both going to be in Austin, Texas

at the same time at the end of July, like the last week of July. That's right. We are going to record an episode in late July from Austin. Yeah, so we were thinking maybe we could do a live show over there, but we don't want to do it for, like, one person. So people in Austin, if you're going to be there in the last week of July and you want to come see us, we'll put something on our Facebook page.

So just come to Facebook.com slash what your crap ends. And we'll have, we'll have a poll. And if we get more than like, I don't know, like 40 or 50 people or like 30, I don't know how many people, how many would we do?

How many should we do it for? I don't know. I think if we get, if they're like 30 people, yeah, there's a good turnout. We'll do it. Let me find a bar somewhere.

We'd, we'd find a time to record it. That would be fun. And we'd pretend it's South by Southwest and we'll just like – when people say, oh my god, do you guys ever go to South by Southwest? I'll be like, oh yeah, we totally record our podcast in Austin. Yeah. I'll be like, oh my god, that's so amazing that you were invited by South by Southwest. We're like, yeah, we just had a great turnout in Austin.

And we'll just keep saying that and people just assume we're talking about South by Southwest when, in fact, we went six months later. We'll just do what everybody else doesn't call it, South by. So we're not really lying. Yeah, we went to South by. You were quick. South Street Seaport. Yeah, that's going to be really fun. I feel like I should wear a cowboy hat or something.

And again, as Ronnie mentioned, we just did a bonus episode where we talked about the Big Brother premiere for like an hour. It had so much fun. And the reason why I'm mentioning that right now, which is an announcement that Frankie Grande, who was one of the stars of last season's Big Brother, and also in case you didn't hear, he's the brother of Ariana Grande, he had to cancel his tour because I think

he had too many professional obligations is what he said. He's like, I really want to give the Aflac people my time and I'm also doing that guest star thing at the

gay bar in downtown Las Vegas at the... I are going to be doing a show in Jupiter, Florida and so I just really can't do my tour. But of course this begs the question, what the fuck kind of tour is he doing? What is the front?

What tour is he doing? What is his tour? Someone in the comments said that he had some cabaret show or something for two nights. And so he was like, I'm going to make it a national tour. And I guess he just didn't sell the tickets.

But, you know, there's always holding that suitcase on deal or no deal. So good uh which is a great transition ronnie into claudia jordan claudia jordan famously was a uh deal or no deal girl at one point in her career and maybe she'll just have to go back to that because rumors are swirling that she's been axed from Real Housewives of Atlanta. The rumor is basically that Nene has called for her head. And it was either Nene or Claudia. And, of course, Claudia is new, and Nene is still too much of an iconic face or teeth or nose for the show. So rumor is Claudia's gone, but it's only a rumor

and nothing is confirmed. And right now, other sources are saying she just hasn't received her offer yet. I believe it because, look, you can go up against Nene and you can do a lot of different stuff. One thing Nene will not stand for

is when she is trying to pretend that she's traumatized at a reunion and she has just told the world for the first time ever but like the fifth time yeah about her fucked up growing up experience and then trying to use that for tears after abusing people all year and you just sit there and roll your eyes on camera no bitch. Yeah, exactly. If this is true, it's a shame. Claudia has been a great addition. I've loved watching her take down Nene. I think she has meshed so well, and I think it's a huge mistake. And I think that if this happens, I think that means Bravo is giving way too much power to a star who is past her prime and too big of a joke.

They already have. They already have. How many people have they fired because she made them? I mean, Sharae. Sharae. Girl, I saw Sharae the other day on Twitter. And she tweeted, you know how people tweet you nice things on Twitter occasionally? So someone tweeted her something like, we still miss you.

And she tweeted back hearts and said you see some people never forget the real something and just let them know you want me back and i'm like really no no do you know in 2009 i started up a gag facebook account called shiree whitfield because i used to call on my blog i used to call her shiree because she put the accent on a weird part of her name where the so it's like I always call her Sheree S-H-E-R-A-Y-A-Y and I called it Sheree Whitfield and it was like filled with all these stupid quotes of hers you know hey I'm a fashion show no fashion that kind of stuff and there are so many people who add her as a friend thing it's real Sheree Whitfield and people say hey girl good singing last night hey girl what's going on have you been like try to start conversations I'm like that's why I stopped going to the fake Sheree Whitfield and people say hey girl good singing last night hey girl what's going on have you been like try to start conversations i'm like i that's why i stopped going to the fake

sheree whitfield account because that entire feed is like uh sheree i know you know it's a hard time for you but can i have that 20 you owe me i gotta pay the rent signed your son um uh i also think the yeah there's there's part of me that's a conspiracy theorist that thinks that claudia is she's not it's not that she's gonna get not that she has been fired but that she's probably asking for more money and so bravo has put this rumor out there to make her afraid that she's gonna get fired well that's a possibility but she really didn't do enough to ask for more money she fought with name with nini with nene in the beginning of the season and then she didn't do enough to ask for more money. She fought with Nene in the beginning of the season and then she didn't really do anything for the rest of it.

She has no husband or wife really anything. I don't want to watch her do her bad stand-up. Lord knows I see enough of that. Lord knows I do enough of that. So faring much better in the world of entertainment would have to be Gigi and Bella Haddad

daughters of Yolanda Foster. I first alerted to this entertainment would have to be Gigi and Bella Haddad, daughters of Yolanda Foster. I first alerted to this on Instagram because I follow Yolanda. I like looking at pictures of her feet and then fake pictures of her being so sick that her son has to carry her, which later turns out that she wasn't sick and she was smiling the whole time. Love that feed.

But this was first there when I read, Oh, look at Gigi on the cover of the v magazine standing next to that horrible awkward tree doesn't she look beautiful and people were like that's bella and she was like oh oh yes bella too she's like i love this photo it really reminds you about the environment because here you have a beautiful duck named gg and all her white resilience and the next one is one of these poor animals that got stuck in an oil slick that has to be

cleaned. Oh, that's Bella. Oh, I'm sorry, Bella. I wish her middle name was started with a P so we could just call her BP and be done with it. It's, you know, they're on the cover of V Magazine because the V stands for I'm so very proud of Gigi.

And the one next to her. Where's Anwar? If you take that little thing out of the A and turn it upside down it becomes a V like V Magazine which has Gigi on the cover of it. I couldn't watch the show Lost because I love Bella

I mean I love Gigi so much that when they talked about the others I got scared because I thought Gigi so much that when they talked about the others, I got scared because I thought they were talking about Bella and Anwar. Oh, God. This is my favorite magazine because not only is Gigi on the cover of it with the other one,

but also they let me write an op-ed in it in which I said, to my love, David, thank you for making a magazine possible. Signed, me. To celebrate, we are bringing the seven tenors Out of the basement To sing along with David of a song he wrote

Don't say anything, don't talk Don't talk during David, my love My love, I would like to write another op-ed in V Magazine It's called Why I simply cannot go to the Amalfi Coast For a tenth year in a row I am just so sick of the Amalfi Coast for a Tenth Year in a Row.

I am just so sick of the beautiful water and scenic landscape. Please, can we go to the Seychelles? Thank you. I'm going to write an op-ed piece called What is David's Op? I just got that. I don't know who Ed is. Is that one of Anwar's friends? I don't get it Editor? I didn't know I was going to be in movie

Oh, most people don't realize this But I'm actually an editor of V Magazine Ever since I wrote an op-ed I wrote an op-ed for v magazine it is entitled i'm tired and then in the body it says i'm still tired hashtag tired hashtag positive vibes positive lime hugs a lime hashtag gg hashtag what what is bella up to these days anyway? Hashtag, don't see her. Hashtag, and Bella too. You know, Bella has a... You know, we are very excited for Bella.

She's going to have a pictorial in Popular Mechanics magazine. She's going to be showing gears. She has crashed her car so many times that she knows what the inside looks like. They wanted her to be on the cover of Car and Driver magazine, but we all agreed that'd be a bad idea. Car and Driver. I told them when they get one, Gigi and Driver, she can be in it, in the backseat. Anwar has a beautiful photo pictorial in the trunk uh and what has a pictorial in the penny saver i love that instagram because you can find out who on the internet is just like um a misery orgy person you know like people who like misery orgies and they just go to sick people's Instagrams

and they're like, oh, you're so strong, girl. I have Hodgkins. It's like, oh God. Like every comment is like, girl, you're so strong and brave. I'm like, listen, she has the nap illness. All right.

I've had that since I was a child. Please, no one's feeling sorry for me. Johan is like, misery loves company. That's why I love my love, David and Gigi. You know, Bella, you know, give or take. She can be someone else's company.

Oh, Yolanda. And by the way, thank you Lindsay McDonald for posting that on our Facebook page. And speaking of Instagram, everyone was tagging us in this post because Lisa Vanderpump last night took a picture at the SLS in Vegas with a giant platter or giant plate of salmon tartare. And just everyone tagged us. And I love that. I love that. People see Lisa Vanderpump with tartare of any sort.

They just know to tag us in it. Everyone was like, Chef Penny. Chef Penny is working at the SLS now. Yeah, because you know that Lisa was so excited to see that because she's like, darling, we've got tuna tartare now. And I love the way that you've done it because you've not only done a tuna tartare, but it's round. It's round. It's a tuna tartare on a rice cake, darling. I mean, that's boundary crossing right there.

Darling, you're just breaking all the barriers in Las Vegas. It's a tartare on a rice cake, darling. I mean, that's boundary crossing right there. Darling, you're just breaking all the barriers in Las Vegas. It's a tartare bar. It's a wall of tartare and you just knocked it down, darling. Basically, Chef Penny has helped create a tuna tartare that sat down at the back of the bus and refused to get up, darling. That's how brave our tartare is. Darling, we're just miles ahead of the rest of Vegas. Miles ahead.

Chef Penny, they need you at the they need you at the at the Flamingo Resort so that way they can get some Tartar they get their Tartar game up we are going to make a statue for her for the West Hollywood Park called the Rosa Tartar Parks

statue it's just going to be a rice cake with Tartar we're going to put it high up enough on a big giant stone vase from Africa that homeless people can't pee on, darling. All right, Chef Penny, here's what you do, all right? You walk into Cesar's Palace and you say, stop everything you're doing right now, build me a stadium like the one you built for Celine Dion,

and we're going to have nothing but salmon tartar in the middle of it. Oh, Lisa. Revolutionary Dinah. And then our other big piece of gossip is that Luann debuted her new single Girl Code on Watch What Happens Live.

Yeah, okay. So I have been working on a parody of Girl Code because I heard that she was coming out with a song called girl code and then i saw the real girl code and i was like wow you have put way too much effort into this parody yeah especially because it does girl code does parodies itself like why are you making a parody of something that's like using an apple loop over and over again and then not even bothering to write a chorus

her voice is like when you the best part of that video are not the lyrics because honestly i couldn't really understand most of them which was odd because they were recorded first but uh the best part was well there's two best parts the the daughter kind of trying to slut it up which is never going to work and also luann throwing her hands in the air was amazing yeah and then dorinda in the background with sonia they're both like what the fuck wait it was like look at her raising the roof my father used to raise the roof here if he was here right now he'd try and fix the phone god

bless him she probably walked up to every dancer's like you know what back it up back it up you're a backup dancer literally back up what's everybody so upset about so they made a sandwich so they did a sandwich dance she's 40 she could did a sandwich dance. She's 40. She can make a sandwich dance. If you don't want to listen to a song about a sandwich, don't have a sandwich. Luann was just shaved Boaz's head right now in the middle of a white boy sandwich. It was amazing. Ramona's like, I brought mustard for Mary.

If he doesn't show up, I'll put mustard on Luann. Okay. Whoa, this is really bringing me back, okay? When I was a girl, I would go to school. My mother would always make me a lunch. And what she always made me for lunch was a sandwich, okay? And this is reminding me, like, I would always have sandwiches. And one time I went out to the forest and I couldn't find my sandwich, okay?

And I thought, where's the sandwich? All right, whoa, I can't have sandwiches in the forest. I can't even watch Luann do her number because she sounds just like the lady when I'm trying to call Mario and I get his voicemail. And the lady says, leave your number. And, you know, it reminds me of her. And it's traumatizing. I can't do it anymore. I'm not going to listen to it.

I'm not going to listen. Whoa, whoa. This one time. This is really taking me back right now It's kind of crazy One time I told my mom, you know what? I'm sick of a ham and cheese sandwich Can't you make me something else?

And my mom said, there's nothing else to be made And my dad said, you know what? Why don't you make a spaghetti sandwich? And he threw a thing of spaghetti right in her face And I said, whoa, that's a great idea for a sandwich, okay? There's a helicopter coming for me Okay Hello, this is Roboto Singer Please leave me a sandwich, okay? There's a helicopter coming for me. Okay. Hello,

this is Roboto Singer. Please leave me a message, okay? I remember one time... I remember one time, I was like, you know what? I really want a sandwich, and I got really confused, so I went to a subway, but then I got onto a train, and there were no sandwiches there.

I was so confused, okay? No wonder Sherrod lost so much weight. You know, Geraldine Parsons-Smith used to be a sandwich artist, okay? At Subway. Subway. Okay. Okay, Ben. Okay. I'm moving

over. So I'm taking a wish to start with the Real Housewives of New York City, where there's huge twists this summer. Yes. So we say this every year, with perhaps the exception of Montana, although it was still funny. Real Housewives of New York City do the best vacations out of all the Real Housewives. These women go so batshit crazy on vacation.

There's just nothing else like it. I mean, Scary Island is by far the greatest vacation in Bravo history. You have Morocco, which still has one of my favorite moments of all time, which is Ramona showing up late to Luann's homemade dinner. And Luann being like, this is not the Ritz-Carlton.

This is Morocco. Whatever she said. All these just great moments every single year. And this, wow, Turks and Caicos, right up there already. Didn't Luanne get kicked off the camel? She almost did. She got thrashed around

a lot. I mean, come on. So this one is Cox and Poochies, or wherever they go. Turks and Caicos. But before we even get there, though, the episode starts off like where the last one ended. Remember the last one ended with Ramona yelling at – telling Kristen, like, are you so dumb? Are you so dumb you don't realize how to talk to Bethany? And then Kristen walks away and it's like to be continued.

So this one starts up and it's like Kristen walks away. And all the women are like, wow, that was intense. And they're like, oh, hey, how's it going? That was intense. And they're like, oh, hey, how's it going? That was fun. I was like, I waited a whole week to see the women. Be like, oh, hey, how are you? Good to see you. Yeah, all Kristen does is walk away.

She's like, you see this glass? I'm going to walk away and I'm going to be carrying it. And then I'm going to invent it. And it's going to be called a glass. My passion is glasses, okay? Not the kind you wear, the kind you drink out of. And I'm starting a new company. I'm calling it Glass of Champagne.

I might even do one without a stem, and I'm going to call it a cup. So watch out. That was pretty good. Yeah, and the women are like, so anyway. Back to the suite. You know, I knew FDR. It's the first time I've ever given anybody a lap dance. So blah, blah, blah.

So then Dorinda tells Ramona, Ramona, you're too aggressive. Why were you so mean to poor little Kristen? Kristen's so nice. You were aggressive. And Ramona's like, I wasn't aggressive. It's like, you were, Ramona. You were aggressive. And everyone's like, I wasn't aggressive. It's like, you were, Ramona. You were mean. I didn't like it, Mr. Jetson.

Everyone's like, all right. I was aggressive, OK? I admit it. I was a little aggressive. But I'm very defensive about Bethany. You know, she grew up at a racetrack. Do you know how hard that must be? I'm very defensive, unless she decides to have a rival brunch of mine. In which case, fuck her. OK? I'm very defensive unless she decides to have a rival brunch of mine.

In which case, fuck her. Okay? I'm sorry. You know what? It's day class A. It's day class A to invite my guest to your brunch. Okay? I'm going to have a brunch, which I just decided I'm going to do right now.

Okay? All right. Maybe I delivered it the wrong way. Like the other day when I showed up to Mary's apartment and I opened the door with the key i had secretly made from the one that he leaves under his mat and he was like i didn't order anything and i was like delivery lingerie and then he threw up on his on a 20 year old blonde girl which is totally free to do because i don't care i'm free and it's a new life and we're both single so who cares i'm renewed i'm renewed i'm renewed. I'm renewed. I'm renewed. Oh, Ramona. Sorry.

So they're all getting ready to go down to this red carpet premiere of Luann's new Mervyn's line. Yeah. And they go down there, and Sonia did not go up to the suite because she figured, fuck this, I'm going to be on this red carpet that means nothing before everybody else can, like, pose with me. And so Sonya's standing there with the dumbest look on her face. I love Sonya's stupid model look. I mean, she's so out of it and so oblivious, she's

probably like, wow, I can't believe they put up a step and repeat for my fashion line. So she's standing there looking dumb, and Luanne walks in. She's like, oh, there's Sonia. She wasn't in the FDR suite because she's down here on the red carpet. Has she gained weight? She looks fat in the ass.

I was like, what? Luanne is such an underminer. This is the worst. When she gets mad at someone, if someone wrongs her, doesn't show up to her FDR suite or whatever, oh, she knows exactly how to undermine them. Wow, look at this. Look at Sonia. Of course she goes right to the red carpet. Ha, ha, ha, ha undermine them. Wow, look at this. Look at Sonia. Of course she goes right to the red carpet.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, Sonia. She's gained five pounds. Who knows that? Oh, Sonia. It's probably because she's drinking everything. Oh, Sonia. And then Ramona and Sonia are walking around. And of course, these women don't think everyone's looking at them. And Sonia's like,

Ooh, I think someone just gave me the cyanide everyone's like cyanide isn't that poisonous it's like why are people poisoning you oh my god don't drink at a luann party are you are you a secret spy okay it's like you have to take the pill cyanide pill okay people don't know sonia's strength but when we were at a party someone gave her cyanide and she's fine look at her She could run a marathon right now because she's Sonia. And you know, that's what I always say. When Sonia's acting crazy and she's taking poison, you just wait.

She'll poop it out, whatever. Who knows? I mean, I don't care. I don't know. I'm new. What do I care what Sonia does? She's poison and she's fine. You know, when Sonia takes cyanide, you just never know what you're going to get. Maybe she'll die. Or maybe she'll just have a lot of fun. You just never know, okay? gonna get maybe she'll die or maybe she'll just have a lot of fun you just never know okay um and then sonia as if knowing what's coming on this trip it just orders a diet coke she's like i'll just have a diet coke because i have a really busy day tomorrow

yeah you do what does that entail exactly she's like wake up um staple Staple on Pickle's arm. I have a hot date with computer number three. I'm going to attach some bubble gum to one of the circuit boards and see if it fixes it. 9, 10 a.m. Make sure there's no one in the foyer. Well, you know, big things are happening. Like chair number four is uh is due for some repair so i'm gonna take one of the legs from chair number one and one of the legs from chair number two and then something from uh bar stool number five try to fix it before with it oh there were a lot of snotty

little comments going on throughout this and i loved it first of all the schwami priest priest lady idiot is back, Robin. Robin, the Swami priestess, looks at Luanne and is like, well, this is schleppy. I don't think that doesn't sound very Swami priestess of you. I don't think it gets schleppier than a Swami priestess. Yeah, exactly.

That's as schleppy as it gets. Yeah, you're just one step above a gumball machine. Yeah, you're named after a side dish at an Indian fast food place. You're named after chicken on a stick at a Greek place. Okay, get over yourself. I don't know too many Swami priestesses who hang out with Upper East Side ladies and go to fashion events. They probably got it wrong. She's probably a shawarma princess.

She just eats a lot of uh uh lebanese food she uh she usually spends most of her time on a rotisserie she um she's like i just got off work at robo's chicken and even i wouldn't wear this i love by the way how also ramona is such a cock block like this super handsome black guy starts talking to sonia and like he's like flirting with her and then ramona just comes in and starts like doing this thing with her hand between them she's like whoa whoa a lot of animal attraction going on right here okay okay like you're such a cock block get out of there it's like i don't know about this what's going on here oh my god that guy's talking to you is he the one who gave you cyanide do not try and date rape

sonia with cyanide sonia be careful he's a black okay oh my god ramona ramona is mortifying but also hilarious um but i love that sonia is the one she's like yeah well maybe it's a little schleppy for me and then sonia sonia tells the shawarma priestess, she's like, well, you know, this is for the masses. Mine is for the classes. I'm like, bitch, please. And she's like, everything can't be eye level because you need it to all be above you. I mean, nobody wants you, you know, spilling your Ramona Pino all over it, you know. And I'm like, Sonia, at your launch, first of all, you didn't have a launch.

You were on the cover of some, like, minority magazine that you're not even a minority, part of that minority. Second of all, you had one dress that you wore for like five days in a row. Yeah. Get out. What are you talking about? Shut up. Exactly. And what I loved was how she's like, well, I'm not going to tell Luann that the Swami priestess said that.

I'm not going to say it. Who's going to say it? And then Kristen walks over and then she tells Kristenisten and chris is like what and they're like don't tell luan oh you're gonna tell luan oh yeah that now i see it you got that sour face that bethany was talking about which of course is what we we uh we didn't talk about which was that before all this happened uh bethany and kristen bethany and kristen were talking talking I guess they were like Rehashing some of this like the latest issue About like How Kristen was just like chewed out by Ramona

And Kristen of course Is so snotty these days she's like Well apparently we had an issue I didn't even realize According to Ramona we had an issue and Bethany's like what issue You didn't have an issue was this nextissue.com we didn't have an issue And Kristen's like yeah I know But that being said It's like the latest issue? You didn't have an issue. Is this nextissue.com? We didn't have an issue. And Kristen's like, yeah, I know.

But that being said. It's like the latest issue I've got just got delivered to my iPad. So, I mean, I don't know what you're talking about, but I've already got that issue. I don't have to wait in the store. I've already got the next issue. So, whatever. I'm tired. Next issue slash tired.

Going to sleep. Crying on the floor. And then Bethany starts. I mean, the conversation was going a mile a minute. It was hard to keep up. But then Bethany started to kind of like defend Ramona. She's like, no, well, you know, the thing is this – the thing is that what we're talking about today is you just have a very sour face. You just have a look on your face that's like very, very sour.

That's all. Nothing big. It's like, whoa, that's – oh, that's it. Just a sour face. Just an ugly face. That's all. And she also told her, I mean, what? Why would I attack you?

I mean I don't even know you. I don't know you. Why would I attack you? I'm not going to attack your business. I don't know you. I don't know your business. I was just saying there was a makeup company called Pop. And then you say Pop of Color. And I said, what's up with that?

That's it. That's it. I don't care. I mean, whatever. I don't know you. Well, I'd like to get to know you. Well, yeah, that's fine. But I don't know you right now.

So, you know, I'm just understanding your business. I don't see any yellow pages. You know, it's not in Nextissue.com. It's not in The Economist, which I read on Nextissue.com. I mean, here's what you do. Like, if you have a problem with me, just talk to me. And she's like, but I did try and talk to you. to you she's like yeah but try and talk to me when you don't have that face she's like yeah but this is my face and she's like then i don't know you like

i don't know you i don't know that face i don't want that face i don't want to know that face i'm like a baby okay like if you smile i recognize if you frown i don't okay it's like peekaboo all right all right i i've never gotten beyond peekaboo i mean like anything beyond peekaboo i mean like kill me right now okay am i supposed to recognize someone if they frown i don't get it i don't know it's too much for me all right sorry one time brin played peekaboo. I mean, like, anything beyond peekaboo, I mean, like, kill me right now, okay? Am I supposed to recognize someone if they frown? I don't get it. I don't know. It's too much for me, all right? Sorry.

One time, Brynn played peekaboo with me, and I almost threw her out the window. And then I realized I'm going to lose custody. And you know what? I'm going to cry. I'm going to be on the floor crying if you play peekaboo with me one more time. Get that face out of here. I don't know her. You know, the worst part about peekaboo is that, like, when people take away those hands,

it's like the wall is gone. I need the hands up, okay? I need the hands up. I need the hands up, okay? I need the hands up. I need the wall up. Wall up. If you ask me to take my hands down and smile at you, I will be on the ground crying right now, okay? Hand wall. Hand wall.

Hand wall. I need barn doors with my hands right now. Barn doors, okay? Wall up. Let's talk about something else, all right? I'm sorry. I can't do it right now, Kristen. You have a sour face.

Sour punim. It's so difficult because I just want to be – it's's difficult being homeless and i'm looking for an apartment so hot and i just i just want a house that has doors made out of hands i just want hand doors hand walls hand doors and then if someone if someone rings the doorbell i'm going to open up the hands just a little bit and then you got you and then you're going to laugh okay and if you don't laugh i can't have to close the doors immediately and then stupid kr Kristen's like, well, I really wanted to have this talk with Bethany, but I feel like I got punched. Would she say? She's like, I feel like I got strangled or something.

I feel like I got mugged. Oh, mugged. I feel like I got mugged. I kind of know what she's talking about though where it's like oh i guess i said everything i wanted to say and yet somehow i feel violated by bethany's razor sharp you know tongue um so let me god i really need to buy pens or maybe i should just start typing notes because i don't even know this is like just one big squiggle um dresses at at eye level, we've already talked about. Mass is not classes. Dorinda doesn't sound.

Swami priest. Dorinda. What am I talking about? Does anybody know what my notes say? Carol videoing. I guess let's just go to the... Yeah, mine actually was Carol videoing also. So they go on the trip.

Carol's got a camera. She's going to be recording everything. It's Carol Cam. And everyone's so annoyed that she has a camera. Personally, I love it. Well, I love that Ramona's like, why does she have to have a camera? Like, it's enough already. Like, we don't need your camera.

Like, the camera is very intrusive. We don't need a camera here. I'm like, do you realize there's, like, six different cameras following you around at any given time? And Carol's is the least offensive. Well, Carol has that camera because she's pulling a Jill Zarin and trying to get her own footage in case there's anything to argue about later. So that they can't lie and say that that was never on tape. She's got that footage. She's basically pulling whatever the cast member of Shaz did that had hid behind a pylon until Mike took Gigi into the room and taped it on their iPhone or whatever.

That's basically what she's doing. But out in public. Maybe she's just recording the space to show what it looked like before. There were ping pong balls everywhere. She's like, I've still got my youth and these kids are using this new app called YouTube. You can record a video and then everyone can see it on the computer. It's the Carol Bitch Project.

And Carol's like, I'm just taping it because so much fun stuff happens on the trips. Well, she means, listen, if no one's gonna hide in the green house to catch uh sonia getting fucked up the butt by the same lame waiter who fucked luann up the butt last night i will come with my own camera yeah yeah pretty much she's like there's so much fun stuff that happens and it's like i just love how she acts like it's not being documented whatsoever like not being documented in this camera i love that she has a camcorder too oh so outdated she's like everybody needs to stay still because

it takes five minutes but then this thing's gonna to go off. It's called a flash. It looks like a firework. And then it's going to draw our pictures on tin. We have something really exciting because at the end of the day, if this place comes equipped with this new machine called a VCR, we can watch all the footage afterwards. We don't have to take it to the place for it to get developed anymore. It's like, don't worry, guys. We can watch this in a week. We won't

have to wait for Beta Max to come out. Sell Carol with a camera, and then immediately it becomes like they've just been let into the Big Brother house, and they're like, I know. What are you so excited about i know uh i am always amused

that they just make so much like such a big to do about choosing beds this time it was like 10 full minutes of airtime devoted to watch these women running around like rabid ferrets trying to find a bedroom uh when they by the way as someone mentioned all the bedrooms were exactly the same they're running around like they're and then i love so ramona ramona's like ramona found a bedroom that she wants sonia found one upstairs they want and then we sat there watching once he says well you can't say hey sing it come come check out this bedroom up here no okay we Okay. We found a good one down here. Okay.

We can walk to the beach and we got food next, next door. Come on now. Come on. They're just yelling back and forth. And Luann is trying to like, you know, be above it all. She's like, ladies, ladies, you know, if you just walk, you just walk around like, like, like dignified women and you'll find your own bedroom. That's perfectly acceptable.

Ladies. Yeah. And she's like, what, what dignified woman has the best bedroom? own bedroom that's perfectly acceptable, ladies. Yeah, and she's like, what dignified woman has the best bedroom? You think Michelle Obama has the best bedroom? No, she's down the hall. I'm not going to get screwed out of Obama's bedroom. I want the oval. Alright? Come on, Sonia. Let's do it. And she's like, Singer!

Hey, Singer, come up here. There's two computers and they both work. Singer, get up here there's already stains on this comforter no one will get mad at me and try and charge us when we leave singa this one has a bathtub but you know what though i'm just gonna take off the handles and keep them for my apartment i like pots and then everybody gets upset over the room because sonia has stolen the best room and you you've got to love Sonia because she – I mean, not Sonia, Ramona, because Ramona doesn't even argue with anybody. She's just like, listen, every year me and Sonia share a room, and so we get the biggest room. So that's it. That's it.

I'm done. Not talking about it anymore. I don't care. And then she just walks in and grabs her room. She goes, oh, everyone knows it. Everyone knows that we always room together. Everyone knows we always get the first bedroom. I'm like, Bethany's like, what?

What? What do you mean everyone knows? This is not like a thing. I like when she called her on a bedroom. What are you, four? What are you, a four-year-old child? Even four-year-olds don't act like this. I mean, Brynn did this once, and guess what?

I moved her out. Now she's living in a crate. She's living in a postal office box, basically, is where she's living now. I'm surprised Bethany did not have a breakdown.'s like oh my god everyone has everyone has a room except for me i'm homeless i'm literally i'm literally homeless i'm in the turks and cacos i'm homeless it should be called turks and cacos and homelessness okay because that's what this is that's what this island is poverty and i'm back with me at the racetrack smallest stall in the

room like no one cares no one cares i did like when she called ramona benjamin button she's like you're going the wrong way you're going the wrong way of course that would mean that she's turning into brad pitt yeah it's just not happening um suddenly and then suddenly i'm shirtless on the side of the road and these two like middle-aged women pick me up and before you know it they're driving off a cliff we're all dead i mean what the hell yeah the hell? And then here comes Madeline Stowe. And here comes a global plague. And we could have been time traveling all this time. What the hell?

Remember that time when I went to Tibet? I like when Sonya's like, oh, look at this place. It's so exclusive. It reminds me of, oh, God, it just reminds me of trips I used to take with my husband. Someone is going to foreclose on this house any minute. And it won't be right until they do. Am I right, guys? Oh, my God.

So they're walking around the house. They finally get their rooms. But then Ramona has picked the wrong room because there's no bath. No bath within immediate vicinity. Stupid, Sonia. Well, you don't want to see us trying to take a shower like we don't even know how to work the knobs and somehow i believe that yeah well she probably is like talking to the shower head like hey hey you she'll be like hey you look young wow you wow your your your testicles are so firm and they twist.

Finally, something that can stay hard for days. I'm down. I'm concerned. I'm concerned. Ellen, you have an erection down here. She's just basically saying her water's been turned off for a long time. Because you know that bathtub just stays filled. She's like, okay, I'm going to take a bath, have one interns go there go in there and blow on the water until it's hot the only reason why she takes baths is probably because the shower at her home is filled up with like all sorts of like old boom boxes and lamps that are broken it's like storage poor pickles probably looks like she's been in a pool for five years because sonia just makes her lie in the tub to keep it body temperature.

That's why we never see Pickles anymore. Is tub number three at body temperature yet, Pickles? Hey, Pickles. How's tub number two doing? Okay. They both have to be at body temperature. I like to decide between which tub I'm going to do. And then, of course, Ramona's like, oh my god,

it's so lovely being in mexico because i know spanish hey mexicano move my shoes those unpack my things those i'm like oh my god this woman is so embarrassing she's so embarrassing hey could you help me could you help me unpack okay i've just got a lot of stuff here okay it's like you know what bitch if you could put it in you can take it out it's not that hard take the shoes and and just put them down. And she doesn't wear her own shoes anyway. She just goes and steals Carol's. And Carol's like, wait a second. Those are my shoes. I got

those at Frederick's of Hollywood for $3. And Roman was like, oh, who's Frederick? I love him. I love his work. These are great. He's like, no. Sonia's like, well, you know, Frederick and I used to take yachts all the time to Saint-Tropez. I'm Sonia of New York he's Frederick of Hollywood and the three of us get on the yacht

and we get onto computer number three and we chart out a destination for ourselves I knew him when he was Frederick's of Dubai I mean that guy what a tipper we used to do Habitat for Humanity and build mansions in India Taj Mahal we built that We used to do Habitat for Humanity and build mansions in India.

Taj Mahal, we built that. We built that. We don't actually build the homes. We just go watch poor people do it. And then I fuck them inside of the home and they get paid after. I mean, it's a wonderful job. It's like for charity. And I get to, you know, make my money.

It's wonderful. I've worked my whole life. Here's something you didn't know. Taj Mahal is actually the third one. That's actually Taj Mahal number three. We built it from parts of Taj number one and Taj number two. Always make sure you build three Taj Mahals. That way you have parts when the third one breaks. Speaking of interchangeable parts, when they arrive, there's a hot young chef.

And I noticed that Luann was first to be like, hello, young chef. What's your name? Great. Now you work for me. No one is fucking young chef. And I noticed that Luann was first to be like, um, hello, young chef. What's your name? Great, now you work for me. No one is fucking the chef. He works for me. It's called girl code, all right? Yeah. Girl code.

Um, uh, I loved actually when Bethany and Luann did their Ramona impersonation. They're like, here's what's gonna happen. They're like, you know what? I really have to, I want to apologize. They were so dead, both of them were dead on it on but the fact that hearing luann do a ramona voice was crazy because i thought the only voice that luann could do was just imperial luann luann always luann darling always always countess luann always so when she did the you know what i want to apologize. I was cracking up. And then, like, two seconds later, Ramona comes out.

All right, you guys. I just want to say that you were right. I was a little too much in the beginning, and I misread the situation, and my delivery was wrong. And I just want to say that now before I enter your home, I'll be careful that I'm delivering to the right people. Okay? Okay. But I loved how shady Luann was being. I think it was Luann and Bethany,

or did it switch to Luann and Carol at one point? I think it was Luann and Bethany because Bethany was saying that her superhero name would be the Apologizer. Yeah, but I love Luann. When Luann is shady, at one point she says to Bethany, she's like, you know, you go on a trip with Ramona and you just want to strangle her within 10 minutes or when uh Ramona's like I'm so sorry

Bethany because I was acting like that and that was inappropriate so I'm really sorry okay and then Luann's like what about me are you sorry to me I mean you almost pushed me down in the middle of that thing when I was talking to my friend, the chef. And then suddenly you're just pushing me down like a bull out of a pen trying to get to a roof. She's like, you don't count Lou Anne. All right? No one cares, Lou Anne.

Lou Anne. Then we were also treated to a few wonderful visuals, such as Ramona in this crazy yellow sunshine bikini uh where she was like doing these weird squats in these in these tacky heels and then uh next thing we knew ramona was doing these old lady breaststrokes and pool noodles in the pool she's they just kept on cutting to her just like slowly going back and forth and doing laps i was losing my shit because

it's such a funny i don't know i don't know why it was so to me. But just seeing her doing this stupid old lady breaststroke cracked me up. It's like I'm so different now. I mean this trip has totally changed me. I mean here I am. I'm in the pool and I'm actually swimming with a noodle. You know, the first time I ever had a noodle was off of my mother's face because my father threw a noodle at her and then he made me eat it off of her face. I've never had a noodle that you can actually float on. I mean, usable noodles.

Who knew? Happy Father's Day to me. Okay, this one time I was swimming in the pool and Geraldine Parsons-Smith came over and was like, hey, try this in a tube. And I was like, no, I have pool noodles. Thank you very much. And she says, no, take it. And she threw it at me. It hit my face.

And now I can barely swim in pools to this day. Okay? at me, it hit my face, and now I can barely swim in pools to this day, okay? And Kristen was, you know, earning that money because she says nothing, but then they show her, like, doing her model walk on the beach in her bikini, which was so

funny. And then she came back, and she's like, do you guys know, like, how much wet stuff is in the ocean? I mean, it was like someone sweat on me, you guys. Let's talk about it. It was like the earth just swe sweat on me you guys let's talk about it it was like the earth just sweated on me um by the way i also loved in the mix at around this time uh somewhere in the middle sonia got onto an inflatable whale and they just kept on showing footage of her on an

inflatable whale and i just cracked up because she was just like going around and she wasn't even going anywhere she was just like rotating like she was on the prices right like it was just the whale was rotating and she was just on it and i was like this is sonia's life she's on an inflatable whale and she's gonna tell people afterwards she's like oh yeah no we went to turks and cacos and we swam with the blue whales it was wonderful she's like hey girls i just arrived at the house and there's um a smooth young thing out there and all it really wants to do is blown to be work. So found my friend for the week. Bye.

Guys, I have bad news. Whale number four is sinking. Whale number four is sinking. Someone get the plastic from whale number three. Pickles, pickles, we need something. We need to fix this. Get the masking tape, okay? Whale number four is leaking. It's deflating.

Come on, hurry up. I'm about to go down. I'm about to go down. Come on, stay with me, whale number four. Bethany and Heather bonding was so funny because I love... My favorite thing about women friendships and hate ships is the little things that they'll hate each other over and then the even smaller things that they'll bond over like these two women hate each other's guts they're just not going to like each other period but they

bond because Ramona's so awful you know like they can at least bond on that they're like oh my god aren't they terrible I know I hate when they poop themselves oh my god you know trying to educate terrible? I know I hate when they poop themselves. Oh my god. You know, trying to educate them. Oh, I know. Like bonding over an idiotic child.

Exactly. I love that too. And again, it was like Luanne just was like the master of all these digs. It's so funny, my next note I didn't even realize after talking about the whale thing. At one point, there was like some, everyone was like going somewhere, and there was like, you heard Luanne say, it was like not highlighted, it wasn't subtitled, but you could hear Luanne say overall like the mess she goes where did sonia go with her well

you know just like the way luan says that you know that when she says it like it's somehow a dig yeah where's sonia go with her well dorinda's like i'd appreciate it to watch how you talk about my husband all right my boyfriend it's the third one i can't my husband, all right? My boyfriend. It's the third one. I can't have another one, all right? Step back. Step back. Back it up. Back it up. Back up that whale, okay?

That whale's 40. If he wants to be made a sandwich of, you know, my sandwich, my Sonya, then he's totally free to do that. I don't care. We're adults. That whale's an adult. I don't care how endangered that whale is. If you want to make a whale sandwich, make a whale sandwich, okay? He's like, I can't get in the pool, okay?

I'll short circuit. And Bethany also said, like, I don't even know what Ramon is even dressed, so dressed up for with those stripper heels. I mean, Jesus, we're in the middle of nowhere. There is nobody here except like a 20-year-old housewife. Luan's going to fuck later. So then we get to,

I guess, dinner. And Luan, of course, has to toast. Because to Luan, every trip is a Luan trip. Wait, there was... I think there was stuff before Luan... Are you talking about when Luan's sitting down at the dinner table?

I don't even know. I just have toast. Toast. Oh, okay. Because I'm at the part where they're all even know i just have toast toast okay because i have it i'm i'm at the part where they're all just like getting drunk beforehand they're standing around and ramona's saying something ramona's talking talking about like i guess she doesn't want to have sex anymore and she's like i don't want any action i just want to go out and enjoy conversations and see the beautiful setting okay okay sonia's like oh my god i can't wait to fuck this entire town i'm gonna meet kirk and i'm gonna meet Keiko's and I'm fucking them both.

No, no. Turk and Keiko's is actually a place. Really? Because I used to know a pair of brothers named Turk and Keiko's in Dubai. Oh, what tippers. They love my comedy. Those guys knew how to appreciate art. they they were big fans we'd get on the yacht and go from dubai all the way to san trope and when we get there the three of us and i'm by three

i mean also john john and madonna would come and i'd just do my comedy and they'd be like this is the best stuff ever get the whales last time i did an airplane joke oh those were the days um yeah so they're talking about how ramona wants to get boned and ramona's like um i i don't even want the action uh i just want i just want to talk about the beautiful setting okay beautiful setting and then kirsten's like yeah there's something nice about dating everyone's like ah thank you thank you oh you get me she gets me okay it's wonderful she's you know you're so smart you're so smart i'm in shock i'm in shock that you're so perceptive okay i'm in shock okay well like kristin wouldn't understand that i mean kristin

can totally understand getting married and never wanting to fuck she's married to a garbage pail kid in a fedora okay if anyone's gonna understand you it's kristin yeah and kristin looked like she's having the worst time she had her sour face on she's like get me out of this house the old ladies while ramona's like hugging up to her and like sloshing pinot grigio on her breast like you know you get me you're so perceptive okay like if you know what if i had a card line i'd write you a card right now that said kristin thank you for not being stupid for a day like ramona okay i love how yellow your hair is it reminds me of sunshine oh my god look bethany signed your card it says i don't know you b that was so sweet you see she's

trying she's really trying uh yeah kristin looked uh not happy loved itved it. Boxed out. Boxed out. So they go. Is now where they're having dinner? Yeah, now it's sort of like getting crosscut between dinner and Bethany trying to help Sonia. So, yeah, at this point, they do sit down for dinner while Bethany and Sonia are still in the kitchen area. And Luanne's like, I would just like to say thank you for all coming on my vacation to Turks and Caicos. And I'm really glad to host you all at my home and i just wanted to say thank you and you know what this is a toast for dorinda and ramona's like toast no one's having toast here have you seen me do push-ups i'm gonna do push-ups right now i mean ramona stop with the fucking working out in public no

one needs to see it and also it gives you a mommy mommy pooch stop it yeah stop it ramona meanwhile bethany is up for what they call it a fool's errand uh she's trying to help sonia because sonia so sonia got mad because they were talking about how drunk sonia has been lately and how um the other day sonia was all over this guy this there was this guy who first she he's the husband of luann's friend and sonia first told the friend like oh is this your gay husband and she's like no it's my husband she's like oh and then she tried to like make out with him so people were like giving her a shift for that and then sonia's like you know shut up that's below the belt that's below the belt you know because she's wasted now no sonia was below the belt, you know, because she's wasted now. No, Sonya was below the belt. That's the problem.

Yeah, exactly. But now Sonya was drunk and in victim mode. So everyone just knows just to steer clear. But Bethany's like, you know what, Sonya? Here, you know what? You have to listen. You have to listen. And then there's five minutes of Bethany saying, you have to listen.

And Sonya's like, I do listen. I listen all the time. I wouldn't get to where I am without listening. You know where I am? I'm in a listening place. Bethany's like, no, you have to listen. And Sonia's like, I do listen. I listen all the time. I wouldn't get to where I am without listening. You know where I am? I'm in a listening place. Bethany's like, no, you have to listen to me. She's like, and another thing in Saint-Tropez. Everyone listens to me there.

No, no, you have to listen to me. And you know what else? I like listening to the Sonia Morgan podcast, which I listen to every – I'm listening to it right now in my head. Are you talking? Because I'm listening to a podcast in my head. No, I'm listening to you, Bethany. No, really. Oh, my God. I was so funny at this part. Listen, I'm a to it right now in my head. Are you talking? Because I'm listening to a podcast in my head. No, I'm listening to you, Bethany. No, really. Oh, my God.

I was so funny at this part. Listen, I'm a very good listener, okay? Like, every time my dot matrix printer goes off and it goes beep, beep, beep, I'm always like, there's the dot matrix printer. I'm listening. I hear things. Okay, Bethany? It's the worst intervention of all time. Bethany is just trying to tell her to stop drinking and be such a whore.

And listen, everyone knows it. We know from Beverly Hills. But at Beverly Hills, I think it was almost less annoying because they were being kind of sensitive. On this show, they're just like, you're a drunk. Stop. You're a drunk whore. Stop it. And she's like, listen, I went through a divorce.

I almost funded a terrible movie. I mean, it's been very difficult for me. I go out and I party. The end. That's it. I don't drink every day. I don't drink every night. You know, so I suck 15-year-old dick.

I don't suck every 15-year-old dick. I mean, who cares? It's like one 15-year-old. Like, do you get in trouble for every 15-year-old? I mean, what do you people want from me? Well, I loved also the way that Sonia would turn everything Bethany said into some victim-y thing where Bethany was like, Sonia, listen to me. I'm a smart girl. I have things to say to you.

And she's like, oh, like I'm stupid? What's that supposed to mean? I'm stupid? Hey, I didn't get to where I am by being stupid, okay? And she's like, well, where are you? I am keeping things together very well. Thank you very much. I'm fighting one of the smartest men in this country.

I am fighting President Obama. Thank you very much. It's me and Obama, and I am running for president. Thank you. She's so stupid, and I love her. When she's saying she's fighting one of the smartest men in the country, that guy still owes her like $3 million and is in trouble or something. That was posted on our Facebook. He couldn't have been that smart.

Although maybe he is because he got away from this mess. But what I love is trying to get money out of a smart person does not make you smart okay and i'm no government worker either trust me i'm always in that line well so then bethany just has is like shut up shut up and then it cuts to like the ladies outside who are like midway through their appetizer and now now all of a sudden ramona she's like you know what this is you know this is really upsetting me you know i i can't be around this right now. This is too much for me, okay? Okay?

Like I'm in a very fragile place. I'm hurting, okay? Okay, I can't hear this. Now Ramona gets choked up. Because this is where I was. Because remember when me and Mario, we redid our vows. And we did them here. And it was just so romantic.

And now I have to listen to this yelling. And I don't really like it i mean this isn't what i wanted for my vows i mean i remember when mario promised me that he would never leave me and i promised him to always bring him sides of mustard and to-go boxes with whatever sandwich i didn't finish at whatever restaurant i was at and now look only one of us is bringing mustard only one of us is bringing to- boxes. I can't take this yelling. So, of course, this summons the most feared figure of all time, Luanne the Dinner Nazi. Because as we mentioned before, with Morocco, when Ramona showed up late, she says, this is not the Plaza Hotel.

This is Morocco. Well, God forbid anyone shows up late to dinner. So Luanne's like, I am going to end this right now. She gets up from the table She walks in and with a look like pure anger On her face she goes We are having dinner right now We're having dinner now Do you want to continue staying here instead of having dinner

And they're like listen Luanne no we'll be there in 10 minutes We are having dinner It is dinner time And dinner is happening Thank you very much bethany's just yelling at her walk away walk away walk away i don't want to fight darling i'm just saying it's i'm not fighting i'm just saying i don't know you walk away i don't want to talk to anybody i don't know right now hand wall hand wall i can't see you all i hear is a man's voice behind my hand

how dare you put up a wall during dinner? Dinner time, Bethany. We're having dinner now. It is dinner. Turks and Caicos is going to build a wall in front of this resort called the Rude Wall. The Wall of Rude. So congratulations on your masterpiece because you built it. Congratulations for standing in the kitchen while we're having dinner.

It's dinner time. How dare you? How dare you not partake in dinner time when it's about standing next to it? It's dinner. Hold on. I'm going to take down my hands. Oh, my God. It's Luan.

You scared the hell out of me, Luan. What are you trying to kill me? This is sending me back. I'm on the floor. I'm crying. Is there going to be any fin fish at dinner? Because otherwise I can't. I can't. Wall up wall up wall up heather comes out we have hummus hey mama we have hummus for you at dinner the man's like it's dinner time there's hummus there's hummus there's

shellfish it is dinner time do you really want to continue staying here yelling while it's dinner time turns out the my best friend the chef has had sex with one of mario's mistresses so and you know when they did it they did it at dinner time because that's when all the good things happen and when you don't participate you are missing out so it ends with bethany screaming at sonia that she's a drunk slut and sonia being like okay and then bethany comes outside and she's like okay it's all solved and then you see sonia drunkenly wandering around the back flirting with the chef sonia's yeah she was but sonia's interpretation of it was that, you know what I realized? I realized when Bethany's trying to speak to me,

she's not trying to help me. She's just trying to deal with, she has her own stuff going on. So for her trying to help me is her way of venting. So you know what? I decided I'd just let her vent. Like, no, no. Yeah.

She was just talking to me about her own issues. When she said I drink too much, it's because she drinks too much. When she says that i need to stop fucking children i mean i'm wondering what's going on in her house honestly at this point like oh sonia no this is pretty much um detailed towards you these instructions okay later but we knew things were more or less back to normal because then all of a sudden ramona was like there's ice in in my wine. Why is there ice in my wine? I need a new wine. I need a new wine.

There's ice in my wine. Yeah, Ramona's back to feeling okay. She's like, you know what else I did when we renewed our vows? I yelled at a Mexican waiter and made him repack my things and then unpack them again as penance for putting wine without ice in it. Waiter! Waiter, can you unpack this ice for my wine? This is so romantic. I wish Mario was here

to be embarrassed. Where is Mario? Doesn't he realize it's dinner time? Mario, late for dinner. Good riddance. We are having dinner. By the way, actually, my very favorite part, my very favorite part of the entire hour, happened

in the previews for next week, when Luanne is obviously mad at someone because she made eggs for someone. I think Ramona and clearly Ramona did not have the eggs and so they had this shot from next week where she goes I made you eggs. Look at this. Scrambled eggs. A la Francaise. Like she's like on top of everything else they're a la

Francaise. How could you not appreciate that? It's breakfast time.'re having we're having breakfast oh my god um so hold on let me see this because it actually ended really well is this where you are where they're all just toasting each other and and giving uh giving each other love probably she's gonna oh yeah and sonia's like uh who does Sonia say? This is the part where Bethany closes the door on me and stops being my friend. Like, no, it's just a head. Well, calm down. My wall is up. OK, I can't. I literally can't.

I can't look at anything in Turks and Caicos. OK, it's too much. It's too much. I just want to be in a little box without Kristen. OK, and have the wall up. Kristen's like, now, do you know how it feels, Sonia, to be in a little box without Kristen, okay? And have the wall up. Kristen's like, now do you know how it feels, Sonia, to be in a box? Do you know how it feels when everybody else is in a box eating lobster and then you're outside of the box? You know, I asked Josh to take me to see the box trolls and he wouldn't. And I felt so boxed out because I couldn't be with the box trolls. And then Ramona gets a bug in her vagina. Oh, yeah.

It's Mario. Mario must have died and now he's been reincarnated. He's still trying to get into my vagina. I might forgive him. I might not. Who knows? It's a new me. Could someone unpack this bug from my vagina, please?

Thank you. When Heather tells Ramona, listen, I know that you're supportive of Sonia, but you can't enable her. And and ramona goes i don't enable her i mean i put water by her bed yeah it solves everything or might be a sunshine uh preaching hugs looks oh bethany looks traumatized but that's always how bethany looks uh then they start talking about sex and luann's like, I just had the best sex of my life two days ago. And here's what I realized, girls. You don't need a man.

It's not about the man. Finally, for the first time in my life, I understand it's not about a man. And Sonia's like, I know. I took home the anal dildo from the cupcake place. My life's never been the same. I've had icing on my vagina for a week. I can't wait until pickles warms up the water. I'll get it off.

But until then, I'm delicious. Oh, my God. I totally forgot about Luann's moment. I just came to realize that I can have dinner time without a man. It's amazing. It's dinner time, and I don't need a man. Congratulations. It is dinner time. We're eating dinner.

Luanne's like, listen, ladies, I have figured something out. If you get a smaller house, you don't need a man to pay for a bigger one. Women's lib. I've done it. I've invented women's lib. I've realized that without a man, we can eat dinner whenever we want.

Anytime can be dinner time. And right now is dinner time FYI so get in here and everyone's like cheers toasting to not needing men and having manners during dinner and it's this really nice moment with really nice music and then Bethany's like I need new wine she starts yelling for a waiter

and I'm like you just ended a women empowerment thing by asking a man for something. That's just sad. She's like, you know what? I don't need a man. You know what I need? I need a wall. Okay?

All right. She's like, I wish I could have heard your beautiful speech, but I was behind a hand wall. So, sorry. The biggest disappointment in my life was when I went and watched WALL-E, and it wasn't about walls. So mad. And then I went and saw Up. I saw WALL-E and Up. I was like, So mad. And then I went and saw Up. I saw WALL-E and Up. I was like, okay, this double features everything I want. A wall that goes up, alright?

Nothing. Balloons? I can't. I need it. I was crying. I was crying on the floor, but not because the first ten minutes of Up. I was crying because I didn't have a wall. I need a wall. Oh, and then to watch that man's house float away. And of course, the only person who could hang on to it were the men. And the women

are left down there dead and homeless. Thanks a lot, Op. When that house went away, I felt like it was Jason taking away my house. I was crying all over again. Do you know how hard that the woman who's dead and on the ground probably worked for that house? She probably worked so hard for that house. And now it's gone.

Now she's probably dead in the car somewhere, sleeping. You know what I wanted to say to all those balloons? I want to say, get off my jock. All right. That concludes Real Housewives of New York. Shall we move on to Secrets and Wives? Oh, please. My favorite show.

Well, Real Housewives of New York is my favorite show, but Secrets and Wives, so good. Truth and Beauty. We open at Truth and Beauty. So here's a question. Which is like the biggest lie. Why would you go get implants at a place called Truth? You know what's so funny? This is like the third or fourth episode, and I had that same revelation.

Where is the truth in Truth and Beauty? Where is the truth part of this? Yeah, I've never really thought of it either. It's like, what about this is truth? All it is is trying to mask your sagging sun damage. Yeah, lies and saggy booty. That store. And then there's nobody in there.

So Corey's like, like well i had my friends come by because i want them to show all of our new stuff and then they have this woman who looks like jigsaw yes like if heather okay if heather bro got the role of jigsaw in the 50 years this is what she'd look like and the lady's like it's really important that we talk about the aging process yeah we don't want to look old we want to look young we want to be revitalized we're gonna go to corey's truth and beauty event and then i love how this doctor was like all right so if you want to look younger you want to add some volume but not in the front of the face otherwise you look like a monkey or a chipmunk. And they cut to all the women looking like monkeys and chipmunks.

It's really important if you want to stay looking young that you get so much Botox that only one of your eye closes when you blink. That's like the biggest sign of too much Botox, and this bitch could not move one of her eyelids. She's like, the newest thing is to put in temple filler, okay? It makes you look less like a monkey and a chipmunk.

I've got filler filler. So then they start talking about all the different things you can inject, and it turns to... Vaginal rejuvenation. Yeah, because Susan, of course, the poor one from the South Shore. Susan's like, oh, you can get your lips done here? Can you get your vaginal lips did? It's funny. I don't care how much money you got.

That's funny. And then the doctor is like, well, you know, if there's a volunteer, well, I can show someone. And then Corey's like, she's like, actually, yes, you can get your vagina filled. And she's like, oh, really?

Oh, shit. And then Corey's like, well, I'm very passionate about having people feel good about themselves so i'll show everyone my vagina oh only the men in the only the men in the neighborhood have seen it yeah uh so she's gonna be the guinea pig and so they're all gonna look at her vagina this show is ridiculous so she gets on the table and all the women gather around her and just stare at her vagina and she's like sorry girls i just had it whacked i didn't realize there was an actual

expiration date on the thing i'm so embarrassed my favorite part was that when she actually opened up her legs the producers are so hilarious they added a sound effect they added like a chime sound effects like like as if like a magical charm had just happened. And I was like, it was, it was like, they, they literally went like they did their fingers in the, in the chimes, you know, as if like lucky charms are coming out.

Like as if, as if like rainbows and like sparkle and, and, and stardust has kind of come out. Oh. And then of course, Gail, the stuck up one is like,

Oh my God, I cannot believe she's showing her vagina. Yeah. Everybody. So they're all getting a vag education. Let me turn back. This is back to my half pen that I was using because I did this one first. And Gail's like, I don't need it.

I don't need a vaginal. I don't need a vaginal rejuvenation. Just get a C-section. Yeah. I'm sure it looks perfect down there. It probably looks like Jurassic World. The good thing about your husband having five hot secretaries is that he messes their vaginas up instead of yours. Yeah.

As long as I get to yell at him while he's packing the car, we're going to have a happy marriage, okay? I do a lot at this company. Don't anybody argue with me. I've decided to give a little white blazer to my vagina. And then everybody's like, let's give a hand for Corey. And Susan's like, yeah, put two up there. Lord knows

they can fit. Am I right, guys? Bleh! Let's put some lip liner on that, alright? Let's put a big, nice dark purple line around that. If you want them to be bigger, just put the lip liner on that, all right? Let's put a big, nice, dark purple line around that. If you want them to be bigger, just put the lip liner all the way on the side of your legs. People will think that thing's huge. So then we go over to Arthur.

Yes, Arthur. You know, when it's bad, it's bad. But when it's good, it's so good. I can't walk away from the good, you know? Because Andy comes up to Amy and she's like, listen, Amy, we got to talk. Because when I drove up to Truth and Beauty, I saw Arthur outside. And it looked horrifying. And now look at you.

You look miserable. We got to talk about it. Just talk about it. Because I want you out. I want you out of that. And Amy's like, well, he was mad, Doctor. But in the end. You do it.

You do it. I like it. I like your Audrey. We'll stop with her Audrey voice for her. At the end, that flower is still a flower that once had a bloom on it. Right, Doctor? I love him and he loves me. It's like, oh my god, he's

trying to feed you to a plant. Move away from him! The real issue, this is what Andy saw, was that Amy and Arthur had a fight in the parking lot, and at the end, Arthur jammed a ring onto Amy's finger. And apparently this is a bad thing

because, you know, so the way Amy tells it was that, you know, two years in 2013 Arthur actually proposed and they got engaged. They got a big fight. So she gave the ring back and now he keeps trying to give it the ring, but she wants a different ring. So that's why there's a big fight. I don't want to wear the

same old ring, Doctor. Yeah. Why do you need a new ring? If he's going to have the same used up woman, you should have the same used up ring. I don't see why you get to need a new ring? If he's going to have the same used-up woman, you should have the same used-up ring. I don't see why you get to get a new ring every time you get in a fight. I mean, especially with Arthur, because all you do is fight. He's going to be buying you new rings every fucking day. This poor woman can't get an original ring to save her life.

No kidding. Everything. Everything is like a hand-me-down. Even her last husband, she got a hand-me-down ring. All I want is a ring that hasn't been put on Craigslist. Hey, Max, is this ring going to go on Insta? Is it going to go on Insta, Max? Max, get on your tutu. We're putting this on Insta.

Hey, Max, get over here. I want you to put Arthur putting the ring on me on Insta, okay? I'm going to throw it at him. It'll be great. It'll be on Insta. Then we move over to Gail. Oh oh not gail um i wrote jail i i can't just call this guy jail because i just writing i write whenever i see susan's husband i write jail yeah because i don't know his name yet but i can't do that because in my writing it

looks like gail and i'm like well her house was gail was trying to fix the door i just can't see that ever happening oh my god the doorknobs are falling off. I'm a very successful businesswoman who can't afford new doorknobs. Or at least the nails to keep them together. The screws. John! Listen, I fucked a rich man so I could

have a doorknob from the Ruthless People set. And if it's falling out, I refuse to go into this home until it's fixed. Get one of the girls in a blazer to get over here and fix this door, please. I don't like to turn knobs. Too much energy. So, Jonathan, that's his name, right? Jonathan, who's like the light on the earth that is this episode. Yeah, Andrew Dice Clay. Our resident Andrew Dice Clay.

Yeah, Andrew Dice Clay. He does look just like that guy. Yeah. He's trying to fix the door. And Susan's like, you can't fix the door, you idiot. And he's like, oh, you're a dumb slut. And then one of their moms is there, some grandma's there. And she's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, Susan's grandma is like, would you look at that?

Would you look at that? He opened the door. Look at that. It's like the first time your grandfather met me in a bowling alley and called me a runt. He comes with a seat. I knew that he was mine. That old lady looked like she was having the best time. She's just literally just sitting there laughing.

She's like, ah! You're arguing. I love watching abuse in action. It's so romantic. It reminds me of when I went to FDR's suite in New York City and I said, you know, someday this suite will be legendary. I saw a countess giving FDR a lap dance in New York City in 1930. It happened right after dinner time.

She made us all eat dinner. She talked like an answering machine. Let me see here. So anyway, he's trying to fix the door. And he's like, what? I can't fix the door? And she's like, I don't want to ask Jonathan to fix the doors. Because, you know, he was in prison.

And, you know, all he tried to do was give someone advice. And the next thing you know, he's in a place with doors he can't open. I mean, I don't want to ask him to fix the door. You know, look, I work. You know what? This is why I'm going to fix the door myself. Because I work. That's what I do. And then Jonathan's like, yeah, you think I can't polish your knob? I've been in prison. the door you look i work you know what this is why i'm gonna i'm gonna fix the door myself because i work that's what i do and then jonathan's like yeah you think i can't polish your knob i've been

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So the big issue is that Amy wants Max to get a job. Max has got to get a job, so that way she's out of Amy's hair so she can spend more time with Arthur and so not in a relationship and you know Max it's going to be much better when Max isn't home I'm like how about instead of getting Max a job you get Max a home yeah get him into a college dorm

how about that so but I guess so Max had previously worked for John and it didn't work out surprise surprise but now Amy is saying asking Susan to ask John to give Max a second chance. And Max – of course, like, John's like, no, I'm not going to give that doofus a second chance. The kid was an idiot. He didn't even tell me when he was quitting. He just stopped showing up.

But Susan and Amy do like a whole – they're like, we're going to nudge and nudge and nudge and nudge. And then we're going to nudge some more. It's called the North Shore Nudge. And I love how they did it too, because that's totally the mom going to the kindergarten class to apologize for her son like peeing on people. Yeah. She's like, well, I just wanted to say that when you gave my child a job

that was so generous of you and he was so happy and i know that he didn't handle it properly he's like what do you mean didn't handle it properly just left never said anything to say i know those dumb sluts once he figured out that seller meant turning things on without plugging them in first he got confused and he started crying and so he came home and we chased an ice cream truck for a week. It was really hard on me and Arthur. You know, I just, I believe in second chances. Or in the case of Arthur,

34th chances, you know? I believe in second chances, just not for rings. Yeah, I want, you only get, yeah. I can't even think about it. I'm just so overwhelmed, you know? If Max weren't here, I could have finished my sentence, okay? But I can't even think about it I'm just so overwhelmed If Max weren't here I could have finished my sentence

But I can't I can't say my things So then This show is so good I could talk about even the cars passing by I can talk about the cars I love this show So then we go to liza who's actually

hanging out with susan now paralyzed paralyzed uh she's hanging she's hanging out with susan because she's like listen susan you know at first i didn't like her but then it turned out that she was such a nice girl when she apologized and she let us make fun of her and so i thought you know what's a friendlier thing? Telling your friend she's ugly needs a new face. So I've invited her over for a makeover. She needs to look less like, less color purple and more color loisa. I just thought that was so rude.

It's like, you do not give that to a woman as a gift. And Susan, you got to hand it to Susan because she was very nice about it. And she's like, look, of course, it's kind of offensive that I'm getting a makeover. But at least, you know, like when Jonathan came back from prison, he started calling me Jerome and, you know, making me pull my hair back and stuff like that. So, I mean, it's easier than that. It's easier than that. It's easier than that. You know, I'm going to miss my chola makeup.

But you know what? This is good, too. You know, I like it's easier than that. It's easier than that. It's easier than that. You know, I'm going to miss my Chola makeup. But you know what? This is good, too. You know, I like it, too. Yeah. At least I don't have to pretend to be a man anymore. So she's getting a makeup. And it's basically just, like, not lip liner that goes all the way up to your nose. And she's like, look, who knew?

I look better. It worked. Who knew? Who knew? Meanwhile, her eyes look like two, like, black balls from a pool set. Raccoon. Racco set. Raccoon. Raccoon. Yeah.

Paralyzed. I'm paralyzed with those smoky eyes. They're a fire. I'm paralyzed. People's lashes are just getting so big they don't even look like claws anymore. They're like full on Swiffer Sweepers at this point. They're like those things that drop down on your car in the car wash she she looked like the hamburglar okay there's like two black circles

around her eyes it's all the rage all the rage so then the conversation moves to liza liza needs to date because god knows i mean not dating in this town's like not having a job i mean she needs to work yeah i need to get that money from somewhere. I haven't been dating lately because I've just been so paralyzed. I haven't moved. I haven't moved in three days because I'm paralyzed. So they start talking about dating. Oh, wait, where was this?

They start talking about her dating life and how much they need it. What was I going to say about Susan and the stupid makeover? Oh, they started showing liza looking for houses liza looking for houses was one of my favorite things i've ever seen and it only lasted what two minutes yeah but just watching liza go from huge horrible ugly house that looks just like her huge ugly horrible house to the next huge ugly horrible house and complaining about them being huge and ugly and horrible. Even though they all look just the same. She's like, I can't

imagine moving close to somewhere where there's a fireplace right there. She's like, look at this bathroom. I feel like a small person in a big house with this bathroom. That's why I can't date. This one's like a hotel. This one's all nicely decorated and everything.

I can't have that. I can't have that. I can't have that. I can't have a hotel. Too nice. Oh, and her kid comes home and her kid has had some kind of makeover on her trip because now she's blonde and already has big, long roots like her mother. Aw, drip. She went to Greece. Isn't that sweet?

Yeah. She came home looking like her mom. I forget what they even talked about here. I thought it was funny, but I didn't write it down. It was boring. She was like, so, daughter, what do you think about me and dating again and everything? You think I'll be okay? You think there's another guy?

What do you think about the guys out there? She's like, there's someone perfect for you out there. And she's like, okay, that's what I thought. I was a little paralyzed with the idea of no one being out there. It's like, I know you're out there and you're young and you're talking to all the different kinds of guys. You know all the kinds of guys out there. So just I want you to go around and ask your friends. Are there guys with gum drawers?

Ask your friends. Ask everybody. I want to know this. Do you get paralyzed like I do? I get very paralyzed. I don't care if there's a fireplace as the front door. If I find a man with a gum drawer, that's it. I'm done.

I'm married. That's it. Make sure the garage is extra low because my car is very low. Needs to be able to fit in. The mom's still outside in the gravel driveway. I can't get into this car. It's so low. This car is so low.

I can't get out of it. I've seen weeds troll within this car. So wrong they make a car that's a little higher? So wrong? Does Ford have a patent on tall cars that people can actually get into?

What are people getting shorter now? I feel like I'm driving on a skateboard with a seatbelt. It's so low. I'm like a poppy flower sitting here on the gravel waiting for someone to blow everything off of me. I'm so low. I'll tell you one thing. It's so low I'm feeling every bump in the road.

And guess what? It's turning me on. I'm not telling anybody this until they've got food in their mouth. And then I'm talking about how my vagina just came back to life because I was so low. All the spiders came running out of my vagina, and they were looking hot. It was a hot spider. They went on to butt the stool. Spider-Man the musical playing in my vagina on the gravel.

I just want to say I have a drop of spit that is now on my laptop screen because of all this Long Island accenting. I just have to say I don't even know what the fuck we're talking about anymore, honestly. It's just like gravel and the podcast is paralyzed. Hope you're

enjoying it, Chrissy Teigen. Hope you're enjoying it. It's all for you. All these voices are for you. I wanted to say something about that. Pardon me, guys. I was getting some gum from my gum drawer. I wanted to say something about that. So, you know, we sent that tweet and we were like, oh, no, Chrissy Teigen sent that tweet and was like,

tell me a good podcast. And then we were like, tweet what crap is to her. So people started attacking her with all these what crap is tweet. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm still the clump. I was looking at the Twitter because someone had retweeted it again or something. And so I saw and I noticed that her original tweet said,

hey, you guys, I'm about to get on a long flight. So please suggest podcast to me serial ask. And if you tweet me your shitty comedy podcast i'm gonna strangle you that was her entire tweet and i was like uh-oh i think that was us i said we're not shitty ha ha i think that people have been well yeah but i like if people aren't into it they're probably just like i mean she probably turned it on right when i was like you think that was you think that was like literally a tweet about us?

I did when I read it. When I read it, I was like, oh God, I hope she wasn't asking people to not tweet Arthur and Cutter. And then we just asked people to tweet stuff at her. Well, at this point, it's just a joke. I mean, like, who the fuck cares now? I mean, like, but it is funny.

If that was a veiled reference to our podcast, that's hilarious. Love it. I hope it was. It should be a comedy podcast. Yeah, I hope she really like secretly hates us and has and has heard me say rude stuff about her or whatever although we've actually said nothing rude about it we've all we've just well i did i mean i kind of did because i was i just said that i don't trust when um like semi-homely talented people marry supermodels the second they get famous and you're like yeah but she actually seems cool i mean i don't know anyway i just reread the tweet and i was like oh god i

hope she didn't mean us but now i kind of hope she does mean us and i'm also looking forward to completely terrorizing her when the new serial does come on and we're talking about it on the bonus episodes because you know people are going to be tweeting that shit at her i'm just hoping well maybe she'll be a premium supporter. No, never will happen. You know what we need to do? We need to get a bigger model. A bigger model to come onto the show and to listen and support it. And then

Chrissy Teigen will cry. She'll be like, that could have been me, but I was pretend spinning beats on this DJ thing I'm doing on TBS or whatever. Okay. I can't listen to your podcast because it's dinner time. We are having dinner. We are having dinner.

John Legend requires manners. When he says, I'll give you all of me, he is talking about all of his dinner. I'm sorry that I can't come on your podcast tonight, but we're having a very special dinner to celebrate john's new song handwall please don't bother us it'll traumatize bethany okay so um how's that thing let's see here everyone wants lisa to date daughter max max shows up to work at the solar company so max shows up and he's wearing he's so

he they've they've given him a shirt for this is john's company is i guess a solar installation company now that doesn't sound like a front tell me what does i'm sorry but anybody who's just come out of prison for like fraud and they open a solar company i ain't buying it ramona loves it she's like oh i love it i love a solar company reminds me ain't buying it. Ramona loves it. She's like, oh, I love it. I love a solar company. It reminds me of Sunshine. But Max, they've given him a t-shirt and he's actually,

he cuts off the sleeves because he thinks they're like too floppy, which is outrageous to wear. That's your arm skin. Yeah, it's like, it's outrageous to wear a sleeveless thing to work. It's outrageous that you cut up

the uniform that you were given. And it's outrageous that you care so much about the sleeves when you already look like a schlub. Yeah, and he doesn't have arm flaps like that. I do. Mine were hanging over the couch when I wrote that down and I was talking to myself. And Abe's probably like,

hey, Max, you gonna put the sleeves on Insta? You gonna put the sleeves on Insta, Max? Okay, Max, wait. Before you cut off the sleeves, let me get the camera. I want to put it on Insta. Get the tutu, Max. Get the tutu. Get the tutu.

This is going to be great. You're going to be cutting off the sleeves and eating ice cream at the same time. Uh-oh. I'll just help. Hide in the ice cream truck. Hide in the ice cream truck. He might have a ring.

He might have a new ring. Go to the truck. Put this on Snapchat so it goes away after 10 seconds. And Jonathan's like, you come to work dressed like a schlub look at you you look like a schlub meanwhile jonathan's sitting there in a t-shirt as well but i guess i still had the sleeves so that made it less schlubby i know i love that jonathan king of

the schlubs he's like the president of the danny aiello fan club is talking about someone looking like a schlub yeah he's like you look like a schlub i Yeah. He's like, you look like a schlub. I can't wait to call your mother whore ladle at dinner. So not that that was his mother, but in general. Oh, by the way, I just realized. He's like, yeah, I'm a little late because I went to the gym. Was there a snack machine there? Because please stop. Yeah, I know.

Everyone wants Linda. Why do I keep saying everyone wants Linda today? I've written that down 50 times and there's no Linda on this show. It, I know. Everyone wants Linda. Why do I keep saying everyone wants Linda today? I've written that down 50 times, and there's no Linda on this show. It's Liza. I think you jumped around the order, because now my notes are going into the makeover part. Although the only note I really have from the makeover that we just talked about two minutes ago is that when they're trying on the plumper, and Liza's like, oh, I love it. I love it. I'm taking it home.

Oh, I am home. She always cracks herself up with so many stupid jokes. I am home. Oh my god. Did you hear that joke I just made? I just said, I want to take this home, but I am home. Did you hear that? Did you hear that? I'm going to call up Andy. Hey, Andy. Yeah, Liza? Hey, Andy. You know what I said?

So I said earlier, I said, I love this plumper. I'm taking it home. But I was home already. Oh, Liza, you're so funny. You're so funny, I said, I love this plump. I'm taking it home. But I was home already. Oh, my. Oh, Liza, you're so funny. You're so funny, Liza. I know. I know. Let's call Gail.

Hey, Gail. One of those text bloops up on the screen. Yeah. Gail, I took the plump home, but I already was home. I mean, get out of here. Gail replies. Yeah. You already got yourself out of here.

Oh, my God. The things I say. The things I say. Gail replies. Bleep. Hilarious God. The things I say. The things I say. Gale replies, bleep. Hilarious. Putting blazers on girls. Exit. And then Shannon responds, who's this?

Who's this? Who's this? So this scene in the solar place while the sun is trying to prove terribly that he's changed and called somebody the wrong name. He's like, oh, yeah. Was the haircut in place today? Getting my hair did? Because I was, you know, starting work without sleeves. And the hairdresser guy was like,

oh yeah, that Jonathan guy, what a wonderful guy. Oh, and he also mentioned your wonderful wife, Ian. Or something like, what, the dog? The dog? You mixed up the dog and the wife? Oh, what are you doing? I got to mix up Eli the dog with my son Ian. This is solar.

This is solar. We need to get one of these solar panels on your brain, get it working right, get some power in there. So then we had a scene of... Gail and Corey having lunch. Oh, this is actually pretty boring. It was like... Gail looks like she's been snacking on the Cryptkeeper like everybody's talking about how amazing gail looks and yes she does they had like a whole segment of her like working out and stuff and yes i mean

her body is amazing because she works out 20 hours a day you know she's same face of her as her husband though which makes me really concerned about his narcissistic impulses. Oh, maybe that's why he left the nose. Oh, you're right. He's like, we're going to do a reverse rug on you. I'm reversing you. I'm taking you from Camille Grammer into Danny DeVito instead of the other way around.

We're doing this backwards. My only takeaway from Gail's scene with Corey, mean Corey's like oh my god what's his face has like has a bunch of women's numbers and Gail was just like uh huh uh huh when can we have the yogurt dessert yeah the yogurt dessert and then Corey's like oh look at her she's such a it's like a party all day

yogurt dessert oh god who is she and then the waitress comes over like hey alright Tuts what do you guys want? She's like, I'll have the yogurt dessert. All right. What about you? I'll have the shrimp.

OK, that it? Yeah. All right, boy. Well, I thought this was actually a lot happened in this scene because basically Corey just told America that her husband's probably obviously cheating on her. I mean, look, we called it when I saw that guy's hairdo and his orange plastic sunglasses that matched his old navy orange shirt. Okay?

No man dressed like that and who does his hair with a blow dryer every day. No man is doing that for you. Okay? When you're, once you pass 40, that man is doing it for some hoe. Yeah. That's it. I have not seen it work out otherwise yet. Yes, women are different.

They take care of themselves for their man so the man doesn't leave him for the work out otherwise yet. Yes, women are different. They take care of themselves for their man so the man doesn't leave him for the doctor. Women are bravo, by the way. This isn't a general women thing. Women are different. Men are not doing that for your wife. He does not care if you're sexually attracted to him. He does not care.

He cares about a whore. Okay? Yeah. So, Corey knows. And she's like, it's so weird because, you know know he's got all these women's numbers on his phone and i mean i don't know any men that aren't husbands of friends i mean that's weird right and gail's basically gail's look is like oh my god he's cheating try and find an ugly doctor now because it's only gonna get harder once you're actually divorced exactly and cory's like i i think that he's very attracted to me. I thought

we had everything. I thought he loves me. Pass the fettuccine Alfredo, please. Why would he not be attracted to this? Please pass the meatballs. I love to eat. He would never cheat on me. I love to eat, though. One thing that Sandy loves is when I come home from lunch and pick my teeth

with a fingernail that I bit off. I mean, it's so wonderful. Why do you think Sandy's having sex with other women? Yeah, so Gail's basically, Gail has the face of your husband's cheating. Find another husband now before you're divorced and you have the stain of breakup on you, you know? Yeah. But Gail's words are, oh, oh well you have a good marriage and you're working on it so that's good yogurt delicious yogurt dessert this is my meal for the next five

days yeah um so that's our tip from watch it crappens this week if your husband blood dries his hair past 40 he's cheating yeah figure that shit out. Get a detective. Have Quad hire somebody for you. Or he's determined. Bird lands on a wire in a zoo! So then we had a scene... I may be out of order, but Corey... Oh, now we do the stylist.

I'm sorry. So what are you saying? So then there was a scene where Corey goes on FaceTime with her daughter, who's at UCLA for the summer. And it was, again, one of these moments where Corey's like, so we did this. You know, we were crazy. You know, we send our kid away for the summer. As if, like, she's like, this is just the way we do things in the North Shore.

We send them away. We send them away for the summer. Like, yeah, the North Shore is the only place where kids ever go away for the summer. Everything. On the North Shore, this is how it's done. Kids go to camp. Like, wow. So at the North Shore, this is what we do.

When the kids turn 16, they start to drive. That's what we call the North Shore permit. Here's what the North Shore does for kindergartners. We give them Capri Suns. Totally different. Here's what we do. Between the ages of about 5 and 18,

we teach our kids things in school. That's just the way North Shore is. It's North Shore education. You go to school, and you go to kindergarten, and you stay through 18. So they have sent the kid to LA, and Corey's like, well, some kids send their kids away, but they don't send them across the entire country, because we're North

Shore. I'm like, wow. You guys finally got a Southwest Airlines in Long Island or what? They do. There is. There's actually one in Iceland. I know. I used to have to fly it when I lived in New York and was young and even poorer. And my dad used to send me his vouchers for

the Long Island. I used to have to take that fucking thing all the way to Iceland in the wind. And then you take the van. You take the shuttle. Oh, and then the shuttle. It's like the subway from fucking Brooklyn or Queens or wherever I was living. Take the thing to the subway. Then the subway to the bus.

Then the bus to the shuttle. Then the shuttle to the train. Then the train to the shuttle. I was like, oh, my God. You'd call up your dad and be like, Dad, help me. Dad, I'm paralyzed. oh my god. You'd call up your dad and be like, dad, help me. Dad, I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed. Dad, there's so many transportation options.

I'm paralyzed. That will never, ever get old to me. I hope our listeners like it as much as we do. I'm paralyzed. Paralyzed. So they start talking. Sandy and Corey start talking to the kid who's like dole is a dishrag you know god bless her who cares she didn't sign up for this

shit so the kids on facetime with her parents who are awful and everybody in la is like oh my god your dad blood dries his hair cheating and then she's like i'm just hungry and the dad's like you can't spend 300 a day on food like if you weren't my $300 a day on food. Like, if you weren't my daughter, I'd cheat on you right now. And Corey's like, yeah, listen to your father. And the kid's like, fucking kill me. Who spends $300 a day on food? Only a child of Corey. Weightlifters, yeah.

I liked also how later on, Sandy, they're talking about their finances, and Sandy was in his office. And he still had all his, like his trading software going in the background. You could see all the stocks and the markets and everything. I was like, oh, Sandy, you were fired from that. Yeah. He's like, look, it's what I used to be behind me on a screen. Corey's like, oh, hi, Sandy. Oh, hi, person who now does what Sandy used to do.

Oh, Sandy Electronics. Sandy has to do used to do. Oh, Sandy electronics. Sandy's like, no, no. These graphs and these charts, they have nothing to do with investments. It just has to do with your calories, honey. I'm tracking it. This is the calorie counter for the women in this household.

Yeah, it's a bear market, so I'm probably going to go out and cheat with someone. I'll be back. At some point, I'm just going to put a McDonald's sign out front and and instead of counting, I'm just going to put billions, and that's it. We're never going to count again. Be a market crash. The Dow 500 is purely about your calorie intake for breakfast. oh lord so anyway to be yelled at by the way because my door is open and my c-word neighbor who yelled at me last week is still here and i know he's walking past my door just to see well i have a c-word i have a c-word neighbor who lives downstairs uh and any remote

noise she complains about she complains like right now I'm sitting in my office chair. If I move it a little bit, you can't hear it at all because it's moving. She complains because it's like to her it sounds like a stampede on her ceiling, which is the most bullshit thing. Once every three weeks, I wake up at like five in the morning to go to the bathroom

and the area where I step to go into the bathroom, she's complaining that there was a creaky floorboard and management came up here and started tearing up my rug to look at it. And they were threatening to have to move all my furniture out of my bedroom to replace the floorboard.

And luckily it never happened because they realized, because I have really good management and they are smart and they realized, wait a second, it would actually cost us a lot of money to fix a floorboard that this crazy woman downstairs is reacting to.

And so she suggested to management that they suggest to me, hey, why don't you – can you just ask him maybe not to step on that part of the floor? Like I'm going to put up like a traffic cone around my floor. Patent the traffic. I'm paralyzed. So this morning I actually did have to wake up at like five in the morning to be and guess who stomped his way to the bathroom good for you i had a neighbor like that um i lived in an old 1920s place on the second floor and she's like listen it's really noisy my bedroom is right below yours because you know how they configure apartments to be the bedrooms on the upstairs or on the opposite side of the house is the living room

or whatever well that's how this place was so her bedrooms were technically in the front of her apartment so that shouldn't have been her bedroom anyway it's like the dining room or the study or whatever but she's like well we did this because we had a baby and so we had to move to this room and i work all night because you know at that time that's when i started working for tvgasm so i was like writing recaps at night you know so i have to be up and i was just in a chair but she's like oh i can hear it downstairs and then so i got a carpet and then i i went through all these hoops one day she starts screaming at me in the alley outside of her window for walking up the stairs to my house too loudly and she's screaming.

She's like, don't you just ignore me, Ronnie. You better answer me. You better answer me right now. And I was like, fuck you, you stupid. And then I did use that word on a real person, the C word. I was like, fuck you, you stupid C word. Buy a house.

And she's like, I can't afford one. And I said, well, I can't afford one for you. And that's the only way you're ever getting the quiet you need. You dumb bitch. Leave me alone. I mean, now I will be sexist. And I'll say, whenever there are these stories, it's always a woman. It's always.

My current one is not. It's a bitchy queen who was my friend. Close enough. But the thing is that this, I mean, every time anyone tells a story about a neighbor who is super sensitive to noise, it's always some batty lady. And it's just crazy. I mean, it's like, you know, don't be in an apartment building if you can't deal with noise. There's going to be noise. It's one thing if I was like blasting my subwoofer, you know, blasting my music, having parties all the time.

But if I'm like, if the complaint the complaint is about my footsteps or whatever, bitch, get over it. Yeah, agreed. And they'll never be satisfied because you and I are actually, as much as we are nasty to these people on Bravo, we're actually, I think, pretty nice people. And when people say, oh, can you keep it down?

Our first instinct is to say, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Yeah, let me do this. And you can give as many concessions to these that you want they're always going to ask miserable people are always miserable they will always ask for more this woman in the beginning it was like hey can you keep it down uh during during the work because i work from home and i can hear that's hard for me to work it's like okay and then it became like saturday afternoon at 2 30 hey can you keep it down i'm trying to nap and all of a sudden it's like oh it's not about her working now it's about her napping now it's about this now it's about that they're always

going to take and take and take and take yeah that's just how people like that are well mine mine is so dramatic like i know that he's like dramatic anyway but mine is so dramatic that he won't speak to me like he he hissed at me last week during this thing and got so mad at me that he won't even speak to me and he wrote me this really nasty text and all this and today i saw him it's like what a week later i guess and i saw him today and passed by and he's like smiling and hi and i'm like no you can you can move on okay i don't need you i don't need yeah move right on i didn't come here to make friends i came here to win top chef yeah so anyway sorry about that but this is the this is the most we talk in real life too too. So we have to have real life updates sometimes, too.

And basically the moral of the story is neighbors are C-words. Neighbors are C-words. And anyway, speaking of C-words, so back to the show. There was a scene of Amy getting her tooth looked at by Arthur. She's like, you know, I love these good times that we have. You know, I just, you know, sometimes you're so delicious. You're so wonderful and delicious. I can't, you know, I have to always come back even when we have. You know, I just, you know, it's sometimes you're so delicious. You're so wonderful and delicious. I can't, you know, I have to always come back even when we have our bad times.

He's like, yeah, let me look at your cavity. Yeah. So it was basically like a nothing scene. So then the big meat of it. He's like, I've turned this old ring into fillings. Go ahead, back. You're going to get it on your one way or the other. And she's like, oh, I got it.

But we're so happy. When it you one way or the other. And she's like, Arthur, but we're so happy. When it's happy, it's happy. And when it's not happy, I'm pushed off the back of your motorcycle, doctor. It's okay. Love you. Arthur, promise me you'll take me to the Seven Seas Diner on Northern Boulevard afterwards. I want to get a Monte Cristo for our love. I do like that Arthur's like, fuck the girls.

I don't care what they think. Because she's like, Arthur, I need a new ring because the girls are all talking about it. He's like, I don't give a shit what your girlfriends think about a ring. Who cares? This is about us, not your girlfriends. She's like, but I care, Arthur, because they're bugging me about the ring. I'm like, actually, they're bugging you to dump him and not be around him because he's abusive. Yeah, they don't care about the ring.

not be around him because he's abusive yeah they don't they don't care about the ring but when she does say that couples you knew when she says that no one ever knows until they're walking in my until the no one understands the road you're walking on until they're walking on shoes that arthur's other wife used to wear um hey max you're getting these shoes on insta you're getting these shoes on insta max that? That's absolutely true. Because if I had a boyfriend who came in and was like, listen, I want to marry you, but I demand a new ring because I don't like the other one you bought me anymore because we got in a fight that time. I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Fuck you. Yeah.

So, you know, I guess it takes two to tango. But Arthur's not doing that, though. Yeah. They both. And they're just one of those toxic couples. They're just toxic. Whatever. So thenory decides to have like a little dinner party it's uh she she and sandy they invite over susan and john and then they invite over liza and then a guy to set lies up with i don't know what the guy's name is but he had a tattoo on the back of his neck and was very classy just the way the North Shore is always classy.

So they get there and everyone starts to drink and Corey, I love Corey, she's like, oh, I have a sick Dolce & Gabbana, sick. So sick. Pass me another ice glass of churro, tequila. My Dolce & Gabbana, it's like what my vagina looks like, it's been waxed, just like. It's been waxed.

It's just sick. So sick. So sick. I'm always confused about tattoos on the back of the neck on men. Because one thing I've learned from porn is that people with tattoos on the back of their body are generally bottoms because they want to give board tops things to read. I've never seen anybody else getting something on their neck. Who was that for? The person in line behind you?

Who were you trying to impress? This guy was way too old to have a tattoo on the back of his neck. He was pushing 50, if not over 50, and he is someone who looks like he worked in Wall Street or something like that. It's just it did not look right. Yeah, that was pretty weird.

But getting ready for this party was great, too, because they had a couple of good scenes. One with Susan trying to get Jonathan, who's exhausted from getting a doorknob to work. She's like, Jonathan, here's the deal. We're going to dinner. I don't want you to get so drunk that you're calling people the C word. All right, Jonathan, I don't want it coming out of your mouth don't call anyone a slut he's like i could do whatever the fuck i want you dumb bitch i'm an adult she's like oh god here we go and then she actually tells him listen i don't want people to think we're not polished i don't want them to think that we're like one of the new doorknobs to the veranda

unpolished and then we go to Corey's house who's having the party and by the way why should she even be concerned about looking polished when they're sitting here dropping their ice shooters oh no

I dropped an ice shot on my sick Dolce & Gabbana. Sick. Paralyzed. Paralyzed. Paralyzed. I can't hold my shooter. I love whenever Corey talks to her maid, because I have a sneaking suspicion that Corey's maid is one of those maids who pretends she doesn't know English, just so she doesn't have to, like, listen to the white lady all day. And Corey, Corey, Corey. Grandfairy. All right. right listen here here's what you need for the store okay and the maid's dressed

really nice like she's invited to the party which god bless her she's gonna have to wear that dress barn thing to do dishes in because cory's never letting her outside but cory's like all right here's a list of things and the maid's like please things and she's like oh god where's the where's the calculator we need all look, we need the translator. We need cranberry juice. And she's like, orange? Like, my god. That maid

is lying. You know that she does not think orange is cranberry. Liar. The fact that she would get orange out of cranberry means she obviously can understand it. Because if you don't understand English, you wouldn't know what the hell she's talking about 100%. The fact that she would get orange out of cranberry means she obviously can understand it. Because if you don't understand English, you wouldn't know what the hell she's talking about. But the fact that she says orange and she's like, orange. No, no, cranberry.

Oh, oh, grapefruit? No, no. Oh, God. Oh, God. John. Someone. Sandy. I'll just go.

I'll just go. Everyone here is named after a hurricane. I can't deal. I'm paralyzed i don't know why that makes me laugh it reminds me of it just reminds me of being a kid and having a cleaning lady and my mom is my mom was a terrorist to them uh which was not funny but her always thinking that she had this like paranoid delusion that the cleaning ladies were all lying to her. And I was like, listen, if they're lying and pretending that they don't know English, I don't blame them because you're awful.

You're lucky they don't know English because you'd be dead by now. But I just always think of that when I see this lady because she so obviously understands and just doesn't want to clean up the dog piss again. I think it's sort of odd that she hired someone that she can't even communicate with. I don't know. So I think... So anyway, they're all getting drunk. They're all being tacky.

They're all sitting there. And then John is starting to get really drunk. And first he pokes Corey's boobs, which I loved that the entire week. Bravo was like... They show a clip of him poking Corey's boobs. And then she's like he poked cory's boobs oh my god john why are you doing that we're looking unpolished and then like he pokes her boobs and like nothing happens like no one even responds everyone's like oh okay except for uh lot with no it was andy

andy or liza someone gave them a liza someone gave them kind of look. Liza was giving them that look. And Liza's like, you know, stop trying to, you know, make this all about you guys, because I have a date tonight and I'm practically a virgin again. I'm like a virgin, you guys. Normally, I like to date guys who are a little bit more my height. But, you know, I'm open to anything. I'm paralyzed with choices. I finally understand why the Virgin Mary never smiles. Because it's not fun being a virgin.

Sometimes she must have come home and been like, Jesus, where am I supposed to put my gum? You know? She's like, hand me another one of those ice shot glasses. I hear they're very slippery. Oh, my God, they really is slippery. Oh, my God, guys, look at this. It's slippery.

It really is. Once again, she's like, she loves pointing out the obvious. Oh, my God, guys. It really is slippery. Oh, my God, guys. This dinner party is hilarious because we're actually having dinner and it's a party. This is hilarious. This is literally a dinner party.

Oh, my God. Did you hear that, Andy? Hey, Andy. Guess what? I'm at a dinner party, but it's really a dinner and a party. Can you believe it? It's hilarious. So, you know what I said to Susan?

I said, guess what? This dinner, it's like a dinner party. And it was because it's a party and it's dinner. And then it cuts to Andy. Oh, my God. When she said it was a party and a dinner and a dinner party, we laughed. We laughed like sisters. I don't know what I'm going to do when I move out of that bed.

I mean, laughter. Pure laughter. I laughed for hours and hours. And then I told Amy, you got to leave Arthur. You have to leave Arthur. I can't. I don't want to see you like this. And then I laughed some more. And then I

texted Susan that she looks like an ugly person. And then she can come over tomorrow for a makeover. And then we laughed some more. It was hilarious. Oh my god. This morning I told Andy, God, you're so grouchy. It's like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. And then I was like, it was funny because she, oh my god, she really was in the bed. She really was.

She was in the bed. It was really funny that I said that. And she was on the wrong side. It was usually my side. I was like, how did we do this without being lesbians? I was on the left. She was on the right. Normally, she's on the right. I was on the left. I was like, whoa, you really did. You woke up on the wrong side of the bed for reals. What are we, lesbians now? Because I'd rather have

35 penises in my ear than a vagina. I don't want that puss in my face. I don't want that puss. And I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want that puss in my face. I don't want that puss. And I'll tell you what I don't want. I don't want my puss in my boots. I don't want a puss in my boots. That's like a fairy.

It's like the fairy tale because she said puss in boots. So it's like a puss in boots. It's hilarious. I can never be a lesbian because one of you actually has to have a job. I mean, who's going to have the job? You know?

So they start talking about her date and her date comes and he's like yeah that short guy looks like he has a job but who knows and Liza goes oh my date I mean you know normally I like

you know less kind of guys but you know like he's short but I'm open to new things I love that she like is comparing a short guy to I don't know like traveling Africa it's like love that she, like, is comparing a short guy to, I don't know, like, traveling Africa. It's not a new thing. It's a short person.

He'll be okay. Oh, my God. So then she's saying, talking about John. John's getting more and more drunk as they're eating. And then she's like, yeah, I go way back with John. You know, we were like, you know, since 13 or whatever. And they're like, oh, how was Liza? And he's like, oh, Liza?

She was a slut like every other girl. God, oh, my God. On her date. Oh, yeah, she's a slut. Just like all the other girls. And everybody's mortified. And then someone's like, oh, so anyway, Corey and Carol, how's your business? And she's like, oh, my God, vaginal, you know, vaginal fillers.

And he's like, oh, Jesus, vaginas. I'm not talking about a gym again. I cannot talk about your stupid gym. I don't care about gyms. If I ain't making money from it, I don't give a shit. You'll need to shut the fuck up, you bunch of idiots, you losers. Can we change the subject, please? Can we talk about all those sluts over there on the other side of the table, please?

I don't want to hear about your nail salon anymore. Meanwhile, Sandy's like, this place is the most exclusive nail salon in Manhattan. You have to go. He's like, do we have to talk about this? Oh, my God. Shit, everyone just shut the fuck up. And everyone was paralyzed. I'm sorry, you guys.

I tried to polish him before we came, but it didn't work. But he fixed the door. He's like, the rain in Spain is mainly I don't give a fuck. Oh, Sandy. So it ends with him screaming, shut the fuck up. And Corey crying into her thing. And Sandy, like, blow-drying his hair for his after date.

Blow-drying his hair, peace. Yeah, blow-drying the peace. This show kills me. Amazing. Next week, we come back. They're like, next time on Secrets and What's, shut the fuck up!

You're all a bunch of fat idiots! I hate you, stupid Jim. I'm like, oh, my God. It keeps going. Yeah, it's going and going and going. It's amazing. I haven't touched a real tit since I was in prison. What the fuck?

Oh, God. Oh, Lord, this show. Stay classy, Secrets and Wives. Tuesday nights on Bravo, really, it's the highlight of my night. It's all this. I mean, Big Brother could be on Tuesdays? No, it's probably Wednesdays and Thursdays. But honestly, oh, geez.

Tuesday nights, Real Housewives of New York City, Secrets and Wives, it's perfection. Tuesday nights is where it's at, y'all. So, thank you so much for listening. We'll do our little pluggies plug, so there you go. Find all our personal Instagram and Twitter and all that links on watchwhatcrappens.com. Come to facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk to other listeners and join in on our live thread posts.

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enough people to come to Texas, y'all, and watch us in Austin in July. So let us know because we would love to meet you guys and it's really fun doing a live show too. Yeah, absolutely. So thank you everybody so much.

Thank you, Benjamin. Thank you so much. It was great talking to you. It was great talking to you. More great talking to you. Um, well,

I invented Skype because they knew I liked talking to you. So they invented it just for me. Thank you everybody. We'll see you next time. Alright. Bye. And we'd like to thank our very important special

gorgeous sponsor Claudia Catalina. Thank you darling. We love you. If you want to become a premium sponsor and have your name at the end of the show just hit patreon.com slash watch what crappens. thanks claudia hugs if you like listening to comedy try watching it on the

internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more.

You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me. Our time together has come to an end.

It's not me. It's you. We both know what I'm talking about. 15 minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride. GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.