Watch What Crappens - #206: Makin' Whoopie With Judgey Eyes

Episode Date: July 28, 2015

For bonus episodes and extras, subscribe at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Ben Mandelker (bsideblog) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) laugh their asses off this week at Shannon Beador's nonstop neurosis on Real Housewives of Orange County. Then it's off to Atlanta to mock the faux, idiotic, already done businesses from Married to Medicine. Join us! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. You guys, I was in the grocery store here in Texas and I I was with my family, and you know I'm trying to behave or whatever. And I see the cover of Entertainment Weekly features Charlie Hunnam from Sons of Anarchy. All dirty with his hair, like slicked back and a dirty face, you know, because they've got to make him look rugged. He's so pretty.

And he's holding a sword. He's going to be playing King Arthur. I wanted to run up to that magazine and make out with it, okay? But I was with my family. I was in the store. I couldn't do that. I mean, I probably couldn't do that where I lived either, but I certainly wouldn't do it around my family.

And I thought, you know what? Hold it in, darling, because when you get home, you've got Next Issue magazine waiting on your iPad. I came home, and I made out with that screen for an hour. Next Issue magazine waiting on your iPad. I came home and I made out with that screen for an hour. Next Issue, you guys. Get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com slash crappins. David Letterman, happy at last and Rolling Stone. When he stopped being miserable, he knew it was time to quit.

You know how I read that? On my next issue. Okay? We get more into our interests by seeking out authorities on them. Like Esquire, Vogue, Sports Illustrated, Wired, anything Charlie Hunnam's in. shoe okay we get more into our interests by seeking out authorities on them like esquire vogue sports illustrated wired anything charlie hunnam's in there are so many magazines we've all come to trust all the stories news and photos from the most relied upon sources instant unlimited access to the world's top titles on your tablets and phones next issue has the top titles for all

interests are you into entertainment we've got a dozen of those magazines, from People, my personal favorite, to Rolling Stone. Haven't redeemed yourself from putting Kim Kardashian on the cover, but I'm rooting for you. To Us Weekly. Come on, you guys. Next Issue delivers all the content,

everything that's in the print editions, on the same day they hit the newsstands. Do you know how much a magazine costs right now? It costs like $6, $7, something ridiculous. Next Issue is an incredible value. One subscription gets you so many magazines for as little as $10 per month, okay? You can use it on up to five devices.

It's easy to share with others. Get it. Get your free 30-day trial at nextissue.com slash crappins. Now and read up, way up on all your interests. nextissue.com slash crappins. I love you, Charlie Hunnam. Please never leave me. That's what Shaw's Vanderpump Rules.

Cotton got around and made fun of his goose. A podcast about Bravo. Nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay. We only care about Bravo. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is?

Crap is. Crap is. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Crap is. Watch what crap is. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, a podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with the lovely, gorgeous, and now sun-kissed Ben Mandelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Oh, hi, Ronnie. I feel very sun-kissed. I feel actually like sun-sexed. I'm sun-damaged.

A lot of sun. All right. I think that says a lot about who we are. You're able to receive the sun, and all I can get from it is damage, you know? Just like with love, darling. All right. So, everybody, we'll get our quick plugs out of the way. Thank you, Nick. See you, by the way. Yeah, darling. All right. So everybody, we'll get our quick plugs out of the way. Thank you, Nate CSU, by the way.

Yeah, thanks. So come to, if you guys want to talk to us, please come to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends. We have live show threads there for the shows that we covered and all the listeners gather and just make us laugh our asses off. It's a really fun group of people and they have built a beautiful community that we just kind of read so go check out what's over there um we for all our personal instagram and twitter links please go to watch what crappens.com all of our stuff's just like grand grand zero with all our

links and stuff i guess it's too soon to still say that right grand zero um what else been oh patreon.com yeah thank you so much to everybody on patreon.com especially oh my god yeah oh don't worry i have a big i have a big special announcement that i record at the end for those those two wonder twins all right um but y'all come over to patreon because that is where you can subscribe. We do this show twice a week now because of people at Patreon. And basically you subscribe there. The shows always remain free. But when you subscribe, we do a bonus episode every week. This bonus episode, we talked about the Caitlyn Jenner show on E!

We talked about internet trolls. And me just finally saying, who gives an F? And we talked about... And the lion. Cecil the lion. Cecil the lion getting killed in Zimbabwe by Arthur the Dentist from Secrets and Wives. But most importantly, we talked about

the new cast of Below Deck. Tracy Swayze on our Facebook page sent us a link to the new cast, and we went through every cast member of the new season of Below Deck. And then we watched the trailer on the podcast and we laughed about it. And I have to say, this was a very fun bonus episode. We had so much fun. Well, anyway, that's patreon.com slash watch what crap.

And so go there, sign up if you can. This show will always remain free. And the people who support that way are just as important as the people who support in the just listening way i mean we we've grown more than we ever thought we would and it is fantastic and we're so happy and grateful so thank you guys for that yeah and nothing could be more evidence of that than this past weekend when ronnie and i were both in Austin for the Crap by Crap West 2015 festival. We had, I mean, we really had, there were like, I think there had to be about 50 people

there at least. And it was great. The outpouring, the fact that all these people showed up for our podcast was really wonderful. It meant a lot to me and I assume you too, Ronnie. Oh my God. I was really touched by it because we'd only done one live podcast before and it

was right when we first started. I think it was our fifth or sixth episode. We did it at IO and Tammy came out, Tamela. Yeah. We had so much fun just having Tammy laugh. But to actually get to, you know, that was my uncle's restaurant,

which I didn't know that that was like as hot as it was. Sorry. But it was hot as hell. It's an August summer day or a July summer day. We were sitting in front of these big garage window things. So some was beating down. We were sweating all over the place. The audience looked like they were going to pass out.

Some was beating down. We were sweating all over the place. The audience looked like they were going to pass out. But just to be there in my uncle's place and my parents were both there. And they brought a ton of their friends. And I told them, please, you know, you guys, I'm kind of a horrible human being on the show. And I at least filter it when I'm around your friends, you know. And they're like, who cares? And they just came.

And everybody had so much fun. And it was so cool to see my family out there laughing and kind of getting into it and getting it. And then meeting you guys was so amazing. Yeah. Loved meeting people. We just mentioned Tracy Swayze. Put that link up. It's so great because we met Tracy Swayze and we know what she looks like now.

Yeah, I was partying with Tracy after you left. We just stayed and partied for a long time we had so much fun we laughed our ass off and you know what all of you guys um nancy i can't remember everybody's name but uh nancy daisy and your hot fiance so many great people yeah and we met kezar karen she made pins for us she made made Watch What Crappens Crap by Crap West pins. That's the pin that you see on episode 205, that episode's artwork. So good.

Kat flew all the way from Chicago and her friend came from Boston and they got us TJ Maxx cards so we can get our own like, you know, wrought iron. Fleur de Lis, yeah. Yeah, Fleur de Lis and ceramic cooks to hold cookies. And like, paintings of the Eiffel Tower that just says Paris under it. No, it was really wonderful.

To those of you who weren't able to be there, I hope the audio quality on the podcast was okay. We sort of had a weird audio setup because we had two microphones for the PA system. And that was originally supposed to then – the PA system, that feed is supposed to go into the computer. So that way it would just sound – to you guys at home, it would sound like the way this one sounds. But unfortunately, that didn't work. So we had to set up like a third microphone. Everything was like sort of messed up. As usual, as is tradition.

We will get our live audio sound better uh so uh thank you guys for um for tolerating us it was just such a weird time like everybody was in a heat box it was hell but everybody stayed and had so much fun and then just like honestly and i don't even mean to be to sound like a dick but just the fact that nobody was crazy like everybody was so intelligent and cool and funny and just came down for a good time like there was no weirdos i mean i was afraid maybe there was going to be someone there to stab me you know because right i deserve it but so many great people so thank you guys really you gave us a very special day. And actually, along those lines, one of our listeners who came, Megan Stout, she came and she gave us a copy of a children's book that came out in 1998.

This book, some of you may know it. It's called No David. No David. No David. And it's written by someone literally named david shannon david so i'm going to read it because it has like five lines of you know but they're it's it could not be more perfect like megan this thing is brilliant this this is like if shannon if shannon bedore actually wrote a children's book it would be this so the the pref it says on the side it says like on the little flappy thing, it says,

when David Shannon was five years old, he wrote and illustrated his first book on every page with these words, no David, and a picture of David doing things he was not supposed to do, you know, like going to one of the many restaurants that his mistress, he took his mistress to. Now David is all grown up, but some things never change. So this is No David. This is story time on Watch What Happens. Do it. David's mom always

said, No David. No David. No David, no. No, no, no. Come back here, David. David, be quiet. Don't play with your food. That's enough, David.

Go to your room. Settle down. Stop that this instant. Put your toys away. Not in the house, David. I said no, David. Davy, come here. Yes, David.

I love you. That's the entire book. Could not be more perfect, David. So good. And it ends with, David, why are you holding a suitcase? David, David. I just love, it's a book of someone berating David, and at the end, they ask for love in return.

David, David, I love you. I've only had 40 to 50 negative thoughts while you were tipping over the fishbowl. David, when you brought that baseball and the bat into the living room, I only had 30 negative thoughts that day. You reminded me of your bat. Stop reminding me of your bat being hard

when it's out of the house, David. Put down the bat, David. No, I won't put the bat away, David. I will not put the bat inside of me until I've learned to stop thinking all these negative thoughts, David. David. David.

So this is a good opportunity for us, I think, to start talking about Real Housewives of Orange County. Okay. I have to say something first. Actually, maybe we can save this till Thursday because we're a little light on shows. But maybe Thursday we can talk about all these previews that have come out for mary or the manzo show and then i saw a um what else were they showing previews for this week there was another one tardy for the party is coming out now oh my god that well that's great i

hadn't seen the preview for that there was was something else awful. Oh, Workout. Can't wait. Workout. Oh, I'm excited for that. Oh, my God. Personal trainers fighting. And then we also should announce that this week we will be adding Million Dollar Listing San Francisco, which neither one of us I don't think have watched yet. Oh, you've watched it, right?

We're basically just adding it until better shows come around. Not better shows, but funnier shows to recap. Because basically for the next episode, we have Real Housewives of New York City. And that's it. Because there's no more Secrets and Wives! Paralyzed! Paralyzed! Paralyzed!

Jonathan, did you stick your thumb up Andy Cohen's asshole? Why aren't we getting a reunion? He's like the only one who wouldn't have made that a storyline. He would have been like, that was great, thanks. Hey Arthur! Hey Arthur, season two is going gonna be on insta did you hear it's on insta he's like all you hear is his car zooming away that was one thing about that uh live episode by the time we talked so much about new york and it was so hot we took like an hour or something to talk about new york that by the time werets and Wives, we had to speed through it because people looked – it looked like Awakenings in there. Have you seen that movie?

Yeah. It was just Awakenings. It was sad. We had to get out of there. It's okay because we asked – I think before we started talking about it, we were like, who here was watching Secrets and Wives? It was like – I don't know. It was like one person. Well, the three of us are. Okay. So we'll speed through this. Yeah. So anyway, sorry, Secrets of Wives, it was like... I don't know. It was like, all right. Well, the three of us are.

Okay, so we'll speed through this. Yeah, so anyway, sorry, Secrets of Wives. We loved you in your terribleness, and we owed you more. But hey, you didn't even get a reunion. So bye, bitches. By the way, someone said that some of the Secrets of Wives women listened to us, whatever. Gail apparently favorited some of our tweets,

which I don't understand, because we just make fun of Gail like none other like we just go off on gail you know the blazer on it uh the episode that we were talking about susan being gross for like uh going down on her prison husband in a mcdonald's parking lot after he came out we like we just were ragging on her that whole time. She followed us. And then Crappin's quotes, at Crappin's quotes on Twitter, love her or him. I think it's a her. I don't know who it is.

It's a robot. She makes memes of her favorite quotes from the show. Love it. And so I love to read those. And I retweeted one. And one of us was saying something about Susan. Like, oh, you remember that show when Susan got the makeover? She doesn't. She retweeted it. I'm like, I Susan like, oh, you remember that show when Susan got the makeover? She doesn't.

She retweeted it. I'm like, I was like, what? She's like, this made me feel nauseous. You feel nauseous? You feel nauseous? She's like, you know what? I may not agree with what you said, but at least you got a job.

You know what these podcasters, they need to do? They need to get a job Get a job You may feel nauseous On your first day at work It's okay So just to be official Secrets and wise

Goodbye We enjoyed you We love you Loved it Please don't get Any classier Before you're not Picked up

Ever again And we never see you again Please let them be picked up They won't be right No No absolutely not But it's a shame because they were so good. And I don't understand how some of these other shows

like Manzode with Children come back for a second season and then a gem like Secrets and Wives doesn't. And by the way, everyone I've spoken to who watches Secrets and Wives loves it. So there. And by the way, they should bring back Gallery Girls because you know what? Gallery Girls I think

has actually become a cult classic. Even BuzzFeed like a few months ago did a list of like, remember the Gallery Girls? These were our favorite. They did like a whole,

one of their GIF posts all about Gallery Girls. Oh yeah. That's awesome. Bring it back. Okay. So let's start with Real Housewives

of Orange County. Yes. It started with Megan preparing for her big game night. And she was, like, cleaning things around her living room while her stepdaughter Haley was, like, putzing around. Can I say something about Haley? Yeah. You know what, Haley? You know what, Hayley?

The way she dresses with sort of like a T-shirt and her like her hair in this like her like dyed hair and like a beanie. She looks like the Disney Channel version of like an alternative girl. You know what I'm saying? Where it doesn't really look like. Like, you know, you know, the people who are really like, you know, like they're Silver Lake, Brooklyn, whatever, you know. And she's like trying to be, you know the people who are really, like, you know, like they're Silver Lake, Brooklyn, whatever, you know? Yeah. And she's, like, trying to be, you know? Yeah, she's like the Claire's version of, like, East Hollywood hipster. Yeah.

She also looks like one of the bad kids from The Simpsons. You know how there's that bad kid and he always wears that knit cap? That's who she reminds me of. So Megan's getting this party together listen when you open with the statement necklace and that statement is overwrought gigantic and something you could never afford on your own you know this episode is going to be fun because what a way to open and she's inviting all the ladies who her main trouble with these ladies is that she's way younger than them and all the resentment that she's gotten from the ladies so far ladies is that she's way younger than them and all the resentment

that she's gotten from the ladies so far has been because she's younger than them they even call her miss 30 year old and she calls them like old hags or whatever already yeah and so what does she do for the theme of her party she makes it a kid's theme and she has big giant lollipops and jelly beans and hello kitty stickers and like you know um pre-puberty things like i don't know what are pre-puberty things i don't even remember i mean well maybe we can talk about the decor that she she was like i'm gonna i'm gonna make this place like all cool for game night she's like i'm gonna go i'm gonna go with like a rainbow decor and then it cut to her it's basically a coffee table a bunch of smarties strewn about yeah it was like the worst

people are gonna put you know one person puts their finger in this end and then the other person puts their finger in the other end and then they're stuck because it's like a finger trap but it's not we're gonna bond it's a chinese it's a chinese finger trap it's really global listen one thing we can all bond about is not understanding how Chinese things work, okay? I want to put some blow pops on the table. Make it look like really adult. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

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curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. I thought that that was a total bitch move. She's like, let's make it a child theme because these women are old and then um she's talking to hayley and she's telling us yeah i was really mad when hayley didn't do her homework right and so i'm gonna have to find a different way to get through to her um switch or coke out with some addy maybe lady like what other way are you gonna get and hayley's just like um whatever. You're Durr. Your nickname should be Mom Durr instead of Mother.

Durr. Durr Mom. She loves me. Megan, I have bad news for you. You are never going to be able to discipline Hayley. You're too young. You're just a trophy wife. Hayley's been down this path before.

Your wife, number three, she knows what she can do and what she can't do. And Jim is the only one who can maybe discipline her so just give it up and just be friends and go shopping with Haley and then anytime anything goes wrong just become a step monster but until then there's nothing you can do so give it up and stop crying about it she's not even trying to discipline her

it's so funny because she's obviously just doing it for TV she's like listen Haley here's some advice you should know about a party starting before 10 at night if you find out a party about a party at 11 at night i mean it's just bad manners you can't do that you have to know at least by 10 it's like wow good job mom she's like i came home last night and you hadn't turned the pool heater off. Like, that's not cool. Like, wow. Wow. That's you are really getting to the bottom of this.

And Haley's like, whatever. My dad didn't say that. And she's like, yeah, well, me and your father are a team, you know, because sports were like a team. This is a team effort until he trades me for a new player. And I get a severance package. But until then, you better get a call before 10. Like, wow. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, you know, Jimmy, like call before 10 like wow yeah yeah it's like you know jimmy like we are a team like he's like the baseball player and i'm like the person in the

stands giving out hot dogs we're totally a team love it um so that's how it begins and i was watching this of course while my mother was drinking and playing canasta with my dad behind me. And I was like, hey, can I just leave my cell phone here to record what you say? So she wasn't actually recording it. But, I mean, she wasn't actually saying anything too bad. But a couple of times she goes, why do you watch this shit? Nothing even happens. It's like, what's the point?

All right. You don't understand the symbolism of lollipops and jelly beans. It's actually brilliant what's happening right now. You just don't get it. I'm sorry. You haven't put in the effort to understand it, Penny. No. So then we went over to Heather, who was popping bottles of champers.

But I do believe that she was not popping a bottle of her method champenoise. Oh, God. She and Terry were going shopping in the middle of the day. It was sort of like a date for us. She's disgusting. Because the thing is that she's got a shop for Tahiti.

What I hate is that Heather once again does this stupid thing where she's like saying why she's really enjoying this because any free time I have I'm getting stuff for the house tiling flooring doorknobs it's like heather don't act like this is a struggle that you have to deal with like like as if you've been struck this bad hand of luck like you brought this on yourself you decided to build a giant mansion and you're just filling yourself up with this bullshit like

i don't have any sympathy for you i know she's like it's so hard building a mansion and look i mean finally me and terry have some time to go spend more money that you can't afford things on look our shirts are 400 dollars oh so hard being rich isn't this great let's go to the diamond store like cunt do you have oh my god i'm so sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry but it's heather is it okay that it's sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Put a tether, is it okay with a tether? I'm sorry you guys, I really didn't mean to do that. But, bitch, seriously, all you do is brag about your money. No one cares, stop it, you have gerbil face, okay? Fix that, fix it, fix your gerbil face.

I'm sick of talking about your money! I just don't feel bad when you don't have free time because you are micromanaging the latest installment of Marvel. You know, like, I don't feel bad about that. It's like, it's really hard. Oh, Diamond Store. Yeah, Terry, let's go. Let's go to the Diamond Store. And then the guy in the Diamond Store is like, oh, you know who wanted to buy this stupid diamond clock with two balls being knocked together for no reason over and over again for the rest of his life?

Jimbalino. You know what I loved is that before he said Jimbalino and Terry lost all interest in that clock, I was like, I can't believe Terry is interested in this clock. Because back earlier in the month, I was in a store that was like selling all these expensive, crazy clocks, like the one that he was looking at. And I was like, who buys these clocks? Like they're all like $5,000. They're giant and like shiny and gaudy and they're weird.

And I'm like, who buys these stupid ass clocks? Who wastes their money on this? And it's like, oh, Terry Dubrow and Jim Bellino. Someone who needs like a visual representation of their feelings of their balls just crushing together for the rest of their life by some bitch and a diamond yeah they're like looking there's or they just need a reminder of how much time they have left before they can file for divorce god for socially acceptable counting counting down like when is it five years Because isn't it like you get more money

after five years? Like, people stay for five years because you get a bigger percentage or some shit. Love it. Well, I also started to laugh because the clock guy, when Heather said

they're going to Tahiti, he's like, oh, you guys going to Maria? And Heather's like, yeah. And I was like, oh, that must really hurt for Heather because last episode, Heather was like

the only one at the table that didn't know where Maria was. And she was like, is that the name of the hotel they're like no it's an island she's like are you sure it's not the hotel they're like no it's an island they're like get over it Heather you don't know what Maria is and now even the clock guy knows what Maria is

I know but she's learned how to say it and then she's found another confusing word just to see if she can trip somebody else up so she doesn't feel as stupid she's like oh we're going to Bora Bora Papiete and then we're going to Mariah and then we're going to she's like oh we're going to bora bora um papiete and then we're going to mariah and then we're going to papiete and and then we're going to stop at papiete and then possibly we'll take a boat in papiete and have lunch in papiete before we go back to mariah

which nobody cares about but you know papiete and he's like um yes durable faced rich bitch who doesn't do shit with her fucking life except try and make poor people feel bad for not living in a mall you know where are you gonna put the sabaro heather that's the dying question we're all dying to know stupid heather i hate her i'm filled with rage yeah well then uh we then went to game night game night finally was happening megan actually hired hosts for this which is the most excessive thing i've seen for a game night. Like, who needs hosts? Who does that? Who does that? And I love that these game night people

are paid all this money, and all they really do is throw some dollar store candy on the table, and then go, okay, just play the newlywed game. Like, that's a game show on television. You didn't invent that. You know that, right? What I loved is, so a bunch of people came. Lizzie showed up, and I was like, oh, what's the first game going to be?

How long can Lizzie sit at a table before she starts to whine? Oh, my God. When they showed Lizzie's first close-up in the confessional, my mom made a visible, like a literally shocked. I said, what? She goes, what happened to her? I said, oh, she did it on purpose. And she said, no one does that to themselves on purpose. What happened?

Like, did the doctor slip? Was he, like, holding a scalpel and then, like, using a pogo stick? What happened? Everything is too much. Sew it up, Lizzie. Sew it up. Poor Lizzie. You know, and the thing is that we make fun of Lizzie so much

and I actually like Lizzie and I feel like she's actually really smart but oh Lizzie it's just not working out you've watched way too much Housewives if you can look at Lizzie and be like yep she's a smart one well she is smart she just tends to whine

but she is the smart one she was valedictorian don't forget that oh my god it doesn't count when you had a different face She just tends to whine, you know, but she is the smart one. She was valedictorian. Don't forget that. Oh, my God. It doesn't count when you had a different face, right? Your DNA changes. I'm sorry. All right. So Lizzie's first.

And I said that's a bad sign when Lizzie's the first one at your party. Uh-oh. So, of course, the husband is like, hey, where's Jimmy? So the big theme of this is the producers are like, don't forget to ask where Jimmy is. And also because it's a couple's night party. He's like, where's Jimmy?

Where's Jimmy? Where's Jimmy? Where's Jimmy? You guys know Jimmy ain't there. Y'all know Jimmy ain't ever going to be there. Why is everyone acting shocked that Jimmy is not there? Well, my favorite part of all this

is that Shannon then goes off to the side and she's like, I just think it's weird that her husband isn't here. I just think it's weird. Like, she's like, Shannon is delighting in the fact that she can start some shit. She can be shady off to the side. Where's Jimmy? Maybe he's at one of David's band restaurants.

David? David? Did you go to the restaurant? Did you tell him about the restaurant that you took your mistress to, David? I just thought number one. And then Megan, I'm getting sick of not knowing when he's coming home. the restaurant that you took your mistress to david i just thought number one and then uh megan i'm getting sick of not knowing when he's coming home uh you married someone who's never there you have his credit card like what the fuck are you missing exactly get over yourself i'm so sick of

this all right so shannon comes in she has those confused eyes like um hi she doesn't even say hi she goes hi hi? Hi. She's asking a question. Yeah, she was looking around. I love that when she walks in, there's a hallway. And then there was some part where there was some doors and other hallways. And her eyes dart back and forth as if she's about to be attacked by some booby trap from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like, where's the giant ball, David?

David. I know how these 30-year-olds are. I've seen Scream. Before you know it, they're going to start wearing masks and running around the kitchen taking people out. I'm not going to stand for it. I'm not going to stand for it, David. I'm not going to fall for it again.

Okay, Miss 30-year-old, I see what you're up to here. You have three different hallways for me to choose from. I see. You're trying to make me look stupid, aren't you? Well, I start charities, David. I started hallways. me look stupid, aren't you? Well, I start charities, dammit. I started hallways.

I brought some more wine from the charity event that you didn't invite me to, just in case you didn't get to take the last wine back. I brought some candy for the poor people, just in case you decided to disinvite me after I'd already entered the room. So, they can get it this time, right in time. They don't have to wait, like the poor last

poor people have no wine to drink now. So, congratulations, Miss this time right in time. They don't have to wait like the poor last poor people. Have no wine to drink now. So congratulations, Miss 30-year-old. People are having their chicken dinner with no wine. I hope you're happy. Live and learn. But then anyways, Shannon started to, again, she started to shade Megan some more. I think it was in the confessional where she was like, David's not in town.

I'm not having a couple's party if David's not in town. She's like, I mean, we can barely function as a couple when he when we're both in town david david is not does that who would have who would have a couple's night when david's out of town um that's probably when you should be having a couple's night because then you can actually account for the women in your life and you know they're not all fucking david dav? David. I like when they cut to Shannon in the confessional right when she started, and she gives like a high clap. She's like, clap, clap, clap. Yay.

I actually got an invitation this time. Rolls her eyes. I know. She's such a bitch, man. Shannon? I love when she gets ornery. I love it. I love that these old women

are just about to rip the rest of the cartilage left in megan's poor anorexia ravaged body vicky's just like listen there's still a little it's like when you got a wing you gotta suck it dry it looks like there's no meat left just suck it off of there until it's done and then chew on the bone for a while and when you can't chew anymore then spit it out jesus what you gotta do is you just have to squeeze megan like a lime at andalas just squeeze her right out uh i i actually i'm surprised that megan has gotten such a free ride so far this season and it feels like they're finally like it's like vicky i'm jumping ahead a little bit but i feel like vicky suddenly had this realization like oh wait

a second she's young and she's pretty and she's new and she doesn't work. Why haven't I started attacking her yet? Oh, my God. Yeah. She's like, I've only said a couple of real, you know, railroad things kind of under my breath. I mean, what the heck am I doing? This girl's running free. She's having a game night.

Who has a game night? So anyway, so game night started. They started doing the newlywed game. And this started like probably the funniest part of the episode for me. Because, you know, newlywed game is newlywed game. But of course it created a monster of Shannon. Of course it's designed just to make Shannon cry on TV. David could not answer. Anytime they were like not in sync, Shannon took it so personally. I mean, doesn't she realize the point of the newlywed game is that the funniest part is when you're not in sync oh yeah but everybody else was totally in sync and i love

and all of their answers are just all you have to do in that game is say like every answer is like my wife's hot or i want to fuck my wife or my wife's tits are the best tits on the block like that's how you answer in that game but everything he just put the opposite the worst answer and meanwhile vicky's on the couch like doing that snore thing and they had they had a whole thing about vicky snores and showed a whole montage of when vicky's trying to control the situation by just pretending she's sleeping or whatever i know listen if vicky did that if i had her over for a game and she did that, I'd be pissed too because it would ruin the vibe. But watching it on TV, it was really funny. And Megan's like, who does that?

It's classless and rude. That's classless. That's classless. But this newlyweds game. So what were the answers? Do you remember the specific questions? Because I was laughing so hard I didn't write it down. So the first major one, there were a few ones that didn't really matter.

But the first major one was they asked the guys this. They said, whenever I want to blank, she wants to blank. So Shannon wrote, well, she predicted that David would say, whenever I want to go to sleep, she wants to make whoopee. Which is hilarious that she said make whoopee. Miss 30-year-old, I have some manners. I don't say sex. I say whoopie. Because Shannon's so sexual.

She's like, oh, I just can't stop jumping all over David. I'm sure. She probably like has like a silver tray with like an embossed invitation that says, what would you like to make whoopie tonight? I think she's probably got like some kind of like lock on her vagina that counts the negative thoughts. It's like, if I've had less than 873 negative thoughts today, one click opens. If you can get five clicks open and not sleep with a stranger, my vagina will open right up, David. It'll be a fun before bed game, David.

And then it'll be whoopee time. a fun before bed game david david and then i'll be and then it'll be whoopee time uh by the way you know it's a great way to make your you know it's a great way to make sure your cheating husband does not want to have sex with you by calling it whoopee okay so um that's also a sign you never have sex who calls it whoopee you know what whoopees do they fart whoopee cushions or they make no sense like on the view it's's kind of fucking, girl. Your husband needs to be fucked. Drop the whoopie. The only time David says whoopie is when he says, whoopie, I don't have to have sex with Shannon tonight. Whoopie.

She believes that I have a flat tire on the freeway. We've got another two hours. Wrap it around me and ride it like a horse, girl. So anyway, so Shannon predicted that David would say, whenever I want to go to sleep, she wants to make whoopie. But what David wrote is, whenever I want to go to sleep, she wants to talk. David? David, why would you say that?

Why would you say that? You know that when I talk, it's my wife saying I want to have whoopie, David. David, I don't always talk. David? David? The key to my congenital illness is through talking, David. David, talk, David don't always talk. David, David, the key to my happiness is through talking, David. David, talk, David. Why aren't you talking?

Why aren't you talking? Why aren't you talking? Why aren't you talking? David, I don't want to talk. I'm just trying to dispel the remaining 30 negative thoughts I may have for the rest of the evening. So then it gets even worse because then the next major question is, it was something like, are you more or less romantic

than you were a week after you first met? So Shannon writes more. She predicts that David would write more and David writes less. And he probably thinks, he's probably trying to win, which, by the way, that's very reasonable that you might be less romantic than you were a week after you met. Similarly, he probably was predicting what she thinks that he would say. So he writes less and she, like, loses it.

She gets all quiet and she's like. I'm going to cry right now. I'm going to cry right now. She's like, David says he's more romantic than he's ever been. He says that we'd never be where we are today. And then you say less?

Then you say less? Less? Oh, David. Oh, that's right. Those negative thoughts. I'm going there. Oh, I'm going there. Because he's like,

please don't go there. I'm going there, David. I am going there. Who would say that? Who would do that? How could you think that? This is the kind of stuff we talked about.

So thanks. How is she thinking that he's going to say more romantic? Shannon, honey. She was at sombrero level number three. I mean, she was having a full meltdown at game night. And it was amazing. And then there was a good, there was like kind of a good uh part that happened that i just happened to catch she's like david that's it david i'm gonna

cry now i'm gonna go there and then her dragon bracelet falls off i was like oh my god that is such a sign girl david look just go i mean if you're not in love and you're just not gonna make any effort you know he's still like cruising past the beach looking for anybody who looks like they might need a paint job on their car or you know maybe get their tuition paid he's just like does anybody need an old penis

anybody I've got plenty of old person money just come to me even if he doesn't even have sex with that person he sees on the beach he's just hoping to meet someone so that way he can go back to Shannon and be like, hey, Shannon, remember that girl that we talked to once? I met her at the beach today. And then she could just shit herself in the kitchen again. Yeah.

I mean, even if it's just somewhere to stay, I don't even think he's looking for sex at this point. His penis probably doesn't even work anymore. He's probably terrified. Yeah, doesn't want to come out. Is someone talking out there? Is someone talking talking out there i just want to go to sleep it's not even impotence where it can't get up it's like inverted it's like probably hitting the back of his spine i'll bet you anything he's got lower back problems right now with his dick like in reverse boner mode knocking into his tailbone he just looks like his dick just wants to run away, man.

He's fully Caitlyn Jenner. So then Shannon basically, she just basically channels all of this, like all of this emotion into body shame because then there's pizza. And she's like, I'm not going to eat the pizza. I'm just going to smell it and then I'll feel full. David, don't I look thin now? If I was thinner, David would not going to eat the pizza. I'm just going to smell it and then I'll feel full.

David, don't I look thin now? If I was thinner, David would have said making whoopie, but he didn't because I'm fat and my arms hang. And I'm going to show people that you can still get your husband to answer properly in the newlyweds game on a dollar store notebook by losing weight. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't have the body of Miss 30-year-old, but the best I can do is just smell the pizza

Fit is the new It's really sad when your husband would rather have Sex with strangers than you Diet by Shannon Bedorn So then So then I'm sorry for interrupting you This just reminded me of something

A couple of people have said We're too hard on Shannon and making fun of this. Look, the joke isn't that Shannon got cheated on, okay? The joke is that Shannon is her own worst enemy and basically turning who's supposed to be her best friend into a fearful, sopping mess. I don't even think that David cheated because he needed to have sex with somebody else i think he just needed to think you know for this one day i want to not be browbeat by all of the women in my house not be berated not told i'm a loser not told i'm poor the guy probably just needed a hug and you know sometimes vaginas around a penis can feel like a penis hug you know that's all the guy needed you know it's not all one-sided is all i'm saying i'm not saying he deserved the right to cheat i'm just saying you

know he probably just needed some emotion somewhere yeah shannon is probably one of my all-time favorite housewives me too because she first of all she's totally paranoid and she can't like you said she's her own worst enemy she can't get out of her own way um and perhaps deservedly so i mean if you've been cheated on that is traumatic but um watching her have these moments of panic uh these moments where she just can't help herself and she says these things these almost overly analytical um observations about herself or david her nagging it's so real, because you can't control her emotions, that I love it. I think she is very authentic in that way. Yes.

Too much so. To the point where I'm like, what if? Too much so for her marriage, but great for TV. I mean, just to do all of that on TV, you know. Okay, so then we got stuck on Shannon, but the rest of this party, Megan really, you know, Vicky was snoring and wanted to go, and yes, she was being a

horrible bitch and she's always mean to the young girl we all know that and yes the old ladies are hounding megan kind of for no reason but let's not pretend that megan's innocent here either people yeah megan megan is uh she is a spoiled brat and i can under this you know some seasons i i feel like vicky is totally nasty like when Gretchen first came around, when Lizzie first came around, when various others first came around, Vicky was just fully nasty to them, like above and beyond. And I felt like it was kind of undeserved. But I feel like Megan, she's like a spoiled brat. Like I get it.

I get why they're being nasty to her because she's just, she's vapid and she's spoiled and she's entitled. She's also, you know, anybody who's done it, which obviously I've never been a housewife, but just watching these shows for long, from their point of view, I think they can see exactly what she's doing. It's so obvious. Her first fight was with Shannon. Shannon said, you know, she went after Shannon for some stupid phone call. Who's this? Who's this? Who's this?

She went out. Well, you know, really, I'm really offended. And Shannon's like, I'm sorry. And she's like, well, I'm still offended. Like, she basically tried to, you know, start this big public fight with Shannon to get some airtime. So that's how she starts. So everybody knows that she's a vapid bitch who's just coming after airtime. She obviously is

and then the drama i'm sorry to interrupt but the drama is also in megan's life the things that she's crying about just don't they're they're just these women have been through things that are way worse than megan's gone through and and it just i think it just seems childish in a sense or immature oh totally and then megan's obviously barbing at them which that's that's not even proper how i use that but she's like she's poking them whenever she you know says things about what it's like to be 30 or having a party where everything's like kid themed when their whole fight is about age or then bringing the the conversation to oh you guys i'm gonna get botox i'm getting botox for the

first time because i found a wrinkle and a wrinkle it's right here can you see it you guys shannon's like yeah it's called an expression megan yeah no she is she's totally egging them on listen lady keep your poking keep poking at me megan keep it up because she told Because she told her. You have judgy eyes. You have judgy eyes right now. You have judgy eyes. Your eyes have been Botoxed into judgy face. Judgy eyes.

She's like, well, Miss Judgy Eyes needs to go find my coat. Listen, lady. Keep your poking. Keep poking at me Megan Keep it up I just love when she goes Megan Megan

Listen lady Keep your poking Keep poking at me Megan Keep it up Megan So funny Judging eyes

And Heather goes Yeah you know It's really weird Because everybody's always told me That Vicky's like mean to the new people. And I've never, I mean, she wasn't that way with me, but now I kind of see what they mean. Heather, she wasn't that way with you because you are no threat, girl. She is mean to the young, hot, blonde people.

You're not one of them. You're some gerbil-faced, B-list actress with more money than Vicky could ever even dream about having. So she ain't going to fuck with you there. And she's not jealous of you. You're stealing nobody's husband. Now take your gerbil face and go get lost in a Louis store, because I'm sick of looking at you and I'm sick of listening to you, you stupid, vapid twat.

Well, you know, here's the other thing about Heather. I mean, you know, I mean, she does things that I cannot stand, but I also feel like Heather is a smarter woman than Megan. There is something about Heather that commands respect in a weird way. Even though she is very self-involved and she does not live in the real world, I understand why Vicky did not go after her because not only is she no threat, her because you know not only is she no threat but vicky's main thing is she she really hates when she sees a hot young girl just leeching off of someone's money and uh heather sort of presents herself in a way that like yeah i may be leeching off of someone's money but i'm like smart so

therefore i sort of like i earned this leeching position by by being smart somehow you know what I'm saying it's hard to say and I think no I think you said it well and I think that also something that might have uh something that might have something to do with it nice sentence again but um is that Gretchen comes on and Gretchen is absolutely hilarious like she was hilarious on the show and especially when she came on. Her storyline was amazingly funny. She's dating this old man. She's like... I mean, she's charismatic. She's

funny and those cameras were always on her at that time. This was pre-slayed. Pre-slayed, Gretchen was fantastic. She was so funny and so she got jealous because of that and she gets jealous when these new charismatic people come on because vicky wants to be the star heather's no threat vicky probably thought heather was a one season wonder and i cannot believe heather's even still

on this show she doesn't she adds nothing also heather heather was wealthier than vicky which i'd like to add oh i said that already yeah she's got more money yeah she's too rich vicky will never go up against someone richer than her yeah notice that sh yeah she's got more money yeah she's too rich vicky will never go up against someone richer than her yeah notice that shannon she didn't go up against shannon when she first met shannon she loved shannon immediately yep uh although how could you not but um so what i loved about this party this by the way this was a terrible party like nothing happened in it and i love that at a certain point everyone's like oh gotta go gotta wake up early i'm yeah i always gotta wake up at 4 a.m gotta wake up early you know it was like 7 p.m and they're all like oh yeah i'm so sorry gotta wake

up well none of them eat candy you know the you know the meal was like happy meals or some shit she's like come on everybody let's see who got a hamburglar toy they're like oh fuck off my 30 year old i gotta go home yeah look at the stupid early bird. She looks like Shannon. Yeah. She's like, okay, okay, early birds, thanks for coming to game night. You get a 10% discount on your Denny's Grand Slam, so enjoy it. I'm like, fuck off, Miss 30-year-old. I'm going home. I'm going home to see if David can open the whoopee vault.

Have you ever noticed that Mayor McCheese has really judgy eyes like shannon okay so then we've already talked about shannon so much but next is hotel therapy i know this this therapist clearly did not want the cameras in her practice they had to go to a holiday inn to shoot the therapy session. Yeah. And it was kind of like a weird session because the therapist was like, listen, you two are not equipped to talk about the affair without someone else present. So anytime the affair comes up, don't talk about it. Shannon's like, but I have negative thoughts, 50 to 80 of them. That's too bad.

You got to just talk about moving forward. That's all you can do. You're not equipped to talk about this without me and david looks you know he just listened to game night all night long last night and now he has to listen to this shit and now and shannon's like well here's the problems we're having when things come up that spark memories about the affair that's when i get negative thoughts and then they show the golf cart like passing everybody in the golf cart i was dying whenever there's a memory everything reminds you of it she'll be like oh someone left the window open just like that left her legs open you crawled right in didn't you david david never used to like that we have the window open that was and that was the golf cart argument was that he got like another drink at the sushi bar and she's like david never used to drink and now he

drinks ever since he started having the affair now he drinks david never used to go on gmail i made him get rid of gmail because that's the email that he used to contact his mistress david like everything everything and the shrink is just like okay look she's trying to help david she's like look no more talking about the affair. You're not equipped. All you do is break down and have fits. And David looks like he's either going to cry or like pull a Russell. Okay.

He's not happy. And he goes, well, what's the point of therapy? Like what, what are we even doing in therapy? If we're not going to be equipped to talk. No, no, no. He was saying, no, he was saying there, she was saying when you guys are alone, don't talk about it in that way because it's going to be equipped to talk through. No, no, no. He was saying. Wasn't he saying that? No, he was saying. She was saying when you guys are alone, don't talk about it in that way because it's going to be destructive.

She was basically saying talk about it in therapy. And he's like, well, I don't like going to therapy because then we get into a fight. And I was like, I don't want to get into a fight. Like, what's the point of going to therapy if all we do is fight? And so the therapist was basically telling Shannon, you have to start working on moving forward. If you're going to accept basically telling Shannon you have to start working on moving forward if you're going to accept him back

you have to start working forward and David has to sort of because David doesn't want to talk about these things in therapy because it's always going to be a fight etc etc so my favorite part was then Shannon was like I just have to work through the healing and David has to work through the shame

the shame he feels from cheating on me David David doesn't look like he's suffering from shame he looks like he's suffering from what the fuck am I even doing back here I packed my bags I made it out and I got lured back in

I should have just ran and then the tells shannon if david can't even be honest look david can't even be honest he doesn't want to help so i can't help him so that's it we're gonna have to do this privately and you know what that's probably the better idea because david's already over it he fucked a girl it was the best time of his life. He put it on a poster board with glitter like he was running for the board of a co-op. And, you know, he's done with it. He's over it. Like, you come, you're done, okay? It's not the same thing as for a woman.

She is never going to forget that. Ever. David, I have a new question for the newlywed game. Do you have more or less shame than you did a week after you met me? David, answer honestly. David? Oh, answer honestly. David? Oh, my God. All right, let's drop Shannon for a while.

Well, yeah, that's all that really happens. I mean, I want to cheat on Shannon at this point. No, I love Shannon. I will always be faithful to her. So then they go to – now it's time to go to Tahiti. So now they're packing. Heather takes us through her packing process, and she goes you know when you fly commercial those bags go flying everywhere i'm like oh my god shut up she acts like flying commercial is like steerage in like 1910 on the

titanic like it's just madness like her version of commercial flying is there's like a chicken loose in the cabin you know there's like spoons and like there's someone peddling you know junk to everyone in the seat like it's like some bazaar in turkey you know like that bus from romancing the stone yeah that's what she is just like you know she's wearing a big hat and she's like you know what she's doing she's totally doing bet middler in the subway and big business because she takes her she takes her perfume and she spritzes herself and the homeless people next to her. Yes. So funny.

She's like, I wrap everything in paper. And I, it's like, she thinks in commercial that, I mean, she thinks when she's flying private, she probably does like have like little Asian children down there just like

strapped over her bags to protect them, you know? Yeah. I mean, I, I get it. I, I am not making fun of her packing techniques.

I, them you know yeah i mean i i get it i i am not making fun of her packing techniques i i support that if i had the patience and tissue paper to do what she does i would totally do that i'm actually really obsessed with like better packing techniques but i just think it's ridiculous that she talks about flying commercial as if like it's just pandemonium down there like they just like are like taking a baseball bat to every piece of luggage that goes on the plane. It's really important that you put paper in your clothes when you're packing them. Because if you fold them with paper in the middle, the chest of the shirt isn't touching the stomach of the shirt. I mean, these shirts are $400. You don't want the chest fabric touching the stomach fabric because they'll intermingle.

And then, boom, you're done. You're done. You're going to look like a poor person. Listen, I get it. I mean she's paying like a lot of money for these clothes. I have like a shirt from Forever 21 that I just bought that I really liked and I put it into my bag over this weekend as if it were like made of like angel dust or something like that. I was like so careful with like white gloves, you know. But you're poor.

That's the difference. Like for you, it's like different to have this really nice expensive shirt and you want to treat it right. Heather wears these one time and then shoves them off to the nanny to sew quilts to hold Colette in her room or something. She's like, make another quilt with little hooks on the end so we can hook them to the little eyes and keep Colette in her cabinet room for a while. That's why she bought a fishnet. A fishnet sweater. Fishnets.

Anyway. I'm not a monster. I want Colette to be able to breathe. This goes into the collection. And Tamara's just like emptying out old navy bags into some glad bags shoving the back of a station wagon I know and then

they move to Shannon who's also packing a paper but they're all of her pills it's like 30 days worth of pills and she's telling David what pills she's gonna take and she's like well I'm taking this one for the trauma, David. And then I'm taking this one for the shame that you feel, David. I hope that you feel something for this because I'm going to poop out some of your shame, David.

And then I'm taking this one for all of the pain I'm going to feel while I'm going through the traumatic pill. This is the optimism serums. That way I have optimistic thoughts instead of the 40 to 50 negative thoughts I have about you, David. David, David, do you feel shame right now? Oh, when she read the back of that, she goes,

David, this one brings optimism and peace of mind when anguish overwhelms you and you can find no way out. And then she looks at him like, see? And then puts it on the thing. Oh my God god these are some eye drops that will apparently give me regular eyes instead of you know judgy eyes megan king edmund says i'm not charitable disinvites me to a party and now i have judgy

eyes sticks and stones may break my bones but dr Moon will stick his thumb up my ass until I feel no pain. All right, David? Unless he hasn't cut his nails. Dr. Moon? This one is for healing the inside of your butt canal. David? So anyway, enough of Shannon in Orange County. Let's talk about Shannon in Tahiti instead.

So they fly across the pond, the other pond. They get to Tahiti. And they get to this new beautiful resort. And Vicky is being really annoying. She's like, let's go whoop it up somewhere. Let's whoop it up as if it's slang that everyone knows. She's trying to make whoop it up happen. And it's not even whoop it up, which is what it is.

She's like, who wants to whoop it up? Who wants to whoop it? Whoop it up happen. And it's not even whoop it up, which is what it is. She's like, who wants to whoop it up? Who wants to whoop it? Whoop it up. It was the most mom-like slang there could have been. Let's whoop it up somewhere. And Shannon's like, whoopie? Someone ask for a whoopie?

No. Shannon instead, the total downer that she has, she's like, I just coughed up some really nasty black shit. I can't go out. I coughed up, what, you catch TB on the plane?

What's going on? Were you down in a mine recently? Do you have, like, do you have black lung? What are you talking about? You coughed up some black shit. David said we were romantic, more romantic before the first week. So I'm coughing up black things, and I'm going to go upstairs. I'm coughing up black things, and I'm going to go upstairs.

Can we mention that this was a weird travel segment? Because normally when they travel, it's just so fun. And this is kind of that thing where you travel for too long, and everybody wants to have fun, but everybody's exhausted and just needs to sleep. It was a weird whole montage of them traveling. And then on the plane, Heather, I don't need to see Heather. First, I don't need to see Lizzie. Lizzie again. The first shot we see on the plane is of Lizzie in the cam.

That's a bad sign. And then the second shot is of Heather. And she's like, yeah, I'm so comfortable here. I've got the skin of an Asian child warming me. My feet are up. And I'm watching Downton Abbey. I'm like, of course you're watching the most frigid fucking show on television. Like this show just makes my vagina frost.

I love it. She's like, I really relate to when they have to go to London and they throw their bags everywhere all at once. Okay, so I'm sorry. Back to Tahiti. Back to Tahiti. So then they're all like well while shannon's upstairs coughing up her black mucus um they're all like sitting around these tables and lizzie says she thinks she might be pregnant which is like not that exciting and vicky's like

did you even miss it period and she's like no but i know my body. And I'm like, really? Because you just got most of it. So I don't know how you can really know it. And she's like, I know my body. And I just feel that I'm pregnant. Yeah. How about you wait? How about you wait till you're pregnant? Just wait.

Just give it a second. Because you're not getting a storyline anyway out of this. So just shut the fuck up. And then Vicky's on the other side. Oh, jeez. These people and their pregnancies. Why don't you pee on a stick? Anybody got a stick to pee on?

Oh, for Christ's sake. Is it hard to pee on a stick? Give me a stick. There's no sticks in Tahiti. I was not having a threesome. By the way, I was agreeing with every single one of Vicky's little comments from this point on. The episode every time they cut to her in a confessional, she would just say something super shady. I was like, yep, that's right.

Preach girl. Like when like when when they were talking again about the fact that like Megan's like, we'll be three weeks that I haven't seen Jim. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I love when Vicky goes, I spent time with Megan and I'd ship her off to california too if i were jim i was like yep oh and then jim and hayley facetime from their thing to megan and they're like hey he's like hey baby having fun hey it's like what's up bitch look at me i'm not doing my homework i'm on the lake megan's like yeah yeah i really miss you guys and he's like yeah whatever don't spend any And Hayes is like, what's up, bitch? Look at me. I'm not doing my homework. I'm on the lake. Megan's like, yeah, I really miss you guys.

And he's like, yeah, whatever. Don't spend any money. Bye, idiot. She's like, bye, bitch. Megan's like, oh, God. You know, I like to think of this as my choice. Because, you know, maybe, you know, you could look at it like, yeah, they left me and went to the lake without me. But I look at it as like like i'm in tahiti and that

was my choice so like i sacrificed my time yeah like shut up shut up you were so stupid stupid it's like a boxer being like yeah i totally won that fight because i just needed a nap and so i laid down and took one and that's called personal freedom no you, you lost. Yeah, she's stupid. She's really stupid. By the way, and how appropriate that Jim and his daughter are in Lake Havasu. I mean, that's where Vicky goes. That's like Vicky's classy retreat, you know, going to Lake Havasu, getting footballs thrown in her face. Yeah, that's where Vicky's like, oh, I just wanted to show all the secretaries and the box boys that they're appreciated, okay?

Yeah. Pass them a Mochello or whatever. So then anyway, the next day they all go out and about and they wind up in a store that sells all these pearls. And the pearls are like $19,000 for each pearl or whatever. And I guess Megan wanted something or heather whatever but vicky suddenly i think vicky suddenly had this realization she's like oh my god we're already like most way through the season i haven't done my working rant yet so of course vicky dusted it off and goes well you don't work you don't work you don't work you can't spend your husband's money you don't work you don't work. You can't spend your husband's money. You don't work. You don't work. I was like, oh, yeah. Well, she started actually going after Heather, which I was surprised because I thought it was going to be the young girl, but it wasn't. I mean, she did start with the young girl, but mostly it was Heather.

She was like, oh, do you have to call Terry when you spend that much money? I mean, can you just spend 50 grand? And Heather says, well, I don't ask him for permission but you know we have a discussion discussion and she's like oh really oh a discussion you don't have because i would be real mad if i was married to someone and i was the one with the job and then she was off spending my money and you know no one was saying anything to her and she didn't ask my permission she was just spending the money i mean get a job you know that's what you get a job for you don't work you don't work you don't work and shannon was like yeah but uh you're married your partner oh merrick megan i'm sorry megan's like yeah but when you're married your partner is so it's shared she's like oh no

it's not no it's not no it's not that was like that by the way that moment was like the moment in jurassic park when jeff goldblum was like, hey, I'm going to distract the Tyrannosaurus Rex also with my flair. And the Tyrannosaurus Rex just goes after Jeff Goldblum. That's what happened there because Megan basically attracted the T-Rex, that is, Vicky Gunvalson, over to her to go eat her face off.

Yeah, but then at least Vicky walked away from that one. But no, but Vicky kept on muttering about it. She's like, well, you don't work? She doesn't work? Like, how are you doing? It's like, if you work, that's one thing, but you at least Vicky walked away from that one. But Vicky kept on muttering about it. She's like, well, you don't work? She doesn't work? Like, how are you doing? It's like, if you work, that's one thing. But you don't work? You don't work?

Well, she was going against everybody. Because the only one who works, even Tamara was like, well, I work. And she's like, but you don't make a paycheck. That's not working. I mean, you can build a gym and call it the C word. But it doesn't mean it's a job. It's just some empty building with uneven flooring and a gay guy inside teaching a spin class it's not a job yeah um yeah she went after everybody pretty much because vicky's the only one really with a job and so everybody looked

really uncomfortable even shannon chan's like well i don't work yeah't work. I don't go to lunch every day. I don't eat bonbons. I mean, maybe I don't have a job. But following David's iCloud account, do you know how hard Maps is to read on the new Apple system? It's difficult. I mean, it's a lot of work. I can't eat bonbons because David's mistress would always eat bonbons, David.

He dated a girl named Bonnie. But the thing is this though all the other women you know they've heard this before and it sort of like slides off their back but megan megan's all in a tizzy now so then megan's like she's jealous because she's not hot enough to be a gold digger oh and i'd also like to point out that london elliott on our facebook page put a very smart angry comment which i love those but he was like who the fuck is vicky to say she's marrying some poor guy who's using all her money and it's like her second or third husband after she got cleaned out by the last one like and didn't want to give him any

money like fuck you who are you to judge how people live their lives you're you just bought cadillac tea you know you just bought like toilet seat porcelain teeth for your idiot man. Give me a break. Oh, no. Yeah. But I mean Vicky's always a hypocrite for sure. That's her thing. But anyway, what I loved is that then Megan is all – her feathers are ruffled.

She's all like, yeah. So then they're all having lunch and I guess they start talking about like most embarrassing thing that happened. And Megan tells this awful story. like most embarrassing thing that happened and megan tells this awful story she was like one time when i was working because i worked because i used to work uh i had a cramp and i ignored it because i had i was working so hard and then i had a period everywhere because i was working it's like shut up megan like we get it you worked and but then vicky was not going to take it vicky was like he's like oh so what were you doing she's like i sold medical things she's like oh well that's a good job why'd you stop well it wasn't conducive to my relationship

you know because i want to be a trophy wife essentially oh well you shouldn't have stopped well i did work and that's the point it's like shut up megan shut up vicky's like you can fall in love and work so a brooks doesn't do it but you know one one thing is is you know the love part shut up vicky she's so vicky was right but vicky was right though in the case of megan because like you know i mean megan was in medical sales there's no reason why she can't be doing that in california it's true but what megan had said four times in this episode because um a lot of what we skipped are people when they're saying where's jimmy where's jimmy and they're like why aren't you with jimmy why aren't you with jimmy and she said 20 times jimmy is in st louis

he needs me here to take care of hayley because hayley has to be here for school and her mom is too sick to be taking care of her i have to be here to take care of jimmy's kid she said it a hundred thousand times and then vicky's like oh well why do you got to take care of her? She's got a mother. And she goes, yes. And she still has cancer. Like I told you before, she is dying of cancer and she cannot take care of her daughter.

And she's like, oh, well, you can't be, you know, just be under around the kid doesn't mean that you're the mom. I mean, you can't do it. You're not the mom. She's got a mom.

What happened to wife number two? What happened to wife number two? What happened to wife number two? Oh, my God. Or was Leanne wife number two? By the way, RIP, Leanne actually died last week. Yes, she actually passed away. That is so sad. And it's so sad watching all of this and watching them fight over it.

Yeah. And then it's also sad because Megan is doing all this shit right now that is really hard to be on her side with. She's going on Twitter. You know, Leanne died last week. And Megan, one of her tweets was nice. It was like, oh, RIP, you know, God bless a friend or whatever. Then it's like, God, you know, I'm just sitting here thinking I'm really lucky I still have a mother. Sad face.

And then she'd be like, God, it must be so hard not to have a mother i'm really feeling for hayley right now you know she just keeps tweeting keeps tweeting about how hayley feels and how this is so hard she's kind of using it to her yeah because she i think and she didn't she appear on watch what happens last night with pink hair last night she has pink hair and it's like me oh yeah it kind of you know it's annoying because I think she's intending to raise awareness and his tribute to Leanne or whatever. But it's just all translating as very self-serving stuff. It's just it's like, Megan, just it's enough. You didn't have pink hair when she was alive.

I mean, supporting her with pink hair after she's dead is a little self-serving, especially when you're about to go on an interview circuit. I think it's kind of gross, and I think she shouldn't be using that and talking about it. And she shouldn't be talking about trying to replace her as a mother. That's offensive. I think Vicky's really right. I think it was the clips for next week when she's saying, you know, what would you do if your ex-husband's new wife is sitting there crying because she can't be the real mother to your children. And Tamara's like, I throw them to the sharks, bitch. Yeah.

And I agree. The old ladies are now turning against Megan finally, and it should just, it'll go to a really good place. And I have one thing to say about it. Listen, lady, keep your poking. Keep poking at me, Megan. Keep it up. Keep your poking.

My judgy eyes are going to go find my cup. Alright, should we move on to Married to Medicine? Yes. How long was that? Five hours did it take? Five hours, yeah. Married to Medicine, by the way, is so dreadful these days.

So fucking dreadful. Oh my god. It was torture getting through this episode. Torture. I did stop and binge in the middle. I have to say. I ate Girl Scouts. Well, I stopped five minutes in

and I got some peanut butter Girl Scout cookies because my dad has those. I love him. Oh, you better be careful because Toya's installing nanny cams everywhere to catch people like you and Eugene. Well, what I should have done is install a big nannyam right in the cookie jar.

Totally. Yeah, I just kept stopping it. I stopped and ate some peanut butter tortillas, then I stopped it and made a salad to be healthy. And then I stopped it and ate some frozen Snickers bars. I just binged through this whole thing. It took me like two hours to watch it last night. I was up until four in the morning, Tony. It took me about 90 minutes.

I would just get distracted. I was so bored that I'd wind up doing something else. And I something else and i'm like oh shit i gotta watch the rest of this so we open with a montage of everybody doing nothing and heavenly being fake as hell like she ever goes to work because one minute heavenly's like i'm a dentist and then the next she's like i'm i'm a dentist but really what i do is i take old dentistries and i flip them and make them nicer and then i resell them i'm like she's a dentist flipper or something i don't know what she does yeah but then they show her and she's talking to her secretary and her secretary is like you have a cavity in room two and she goes thank you honey

you're doing such a good job i just want to say thank you for being so wonderful in what you do shut up heavenly no one's buying it but heavenly is funny too though because she's been so shady this season like i think so uh heavenly met up with simone and dr jackie they're like oh the doctor is the team doctor we're all getting together and they're talking about the situation with quad and they're like, ooh, the team doctor, we're all getting together. And they're talking about the situation with Quad. She's like, the wives of Durham, honey. Yeah.

Well, they asked Simone, they're like, so what would you do if someone threw a water in your face? And Simone's like, I'll just walk away. She's like, you wouldn't throw a glass in someone's face? She's like, that's what the wives do. I was like, yes. She's like, that's what the wives do. I was like, yes. She's like, the doctors have seminars. And the doctors have seminars and then call everybody bitches and whores in front of the public and make money off of it. That's what a doctor does.

So then there was some contrived bullshit where then Heavenly went to the bathroom and then Simone got on to Heavenly's phone. And there were all these men on there and it was like a dating app and Heavenly was like, why are you on my phone? You must give me back my phone. I'm going to make you a T-Mobile tower and beat you down. You ain't going to get reception

anywhere you go, dude. So then Heavenly, she explains when she gets back, when she's pretending to be mad, she's like, I'm developing a dating app. She says she's developing a a dating app which is why she has one and it's for like research and when she says she's developing a dating app i'm like she's doing a uh she's doing a seminar on empowerment and developing a dating app and in my mind i'm thinking she and phaedra

park should go into business together because they've got like a new entrepreneurial endeavor that makes no sense every five minutes. And then, of course, later on, Phaedra Parks actually showed up on the episode. I was like, well, that's perfect. Yeah. Well, I think what they're really doing is they're just starting like 100,000 businesses, getting the trademarks, writing out the plans, and then talking about them on TV and then trying to sell the trademarks. Yeah. That's probably what they're doing because they can't be this stupid. But Heavenly's

like, you know how everybody's on their cell phone all the time? I was thinking girl, people maybe could date on their cell phone. Maybe they could date. I'm like, yeah, we know that. Next she's going to invent like, you know, solitaire that you can just play on your cell phone.

Wouldn't there be a great way if people could send each other messages? I'm going to call it Textuses Messages. I got a good idea for a dating app. Like, let's just do something where you can meet people and then maybe you find some love, some, like, tender love.

I'm going to call it Tender. Tender. E-Heavenly. And then Jackie, who's also sticking to her these shows are just all about terrible businesses being launched they should just make it like the shark tank you know but like i don't know just like the seahorse tank like totally harmless fish but like the seahorse tank but anyway and then they cut to jackie and they're like you want some coffee you want some coffee girl and jackie's like oh no no coffee for me? And Jackie's like, oh no, no coffee for me.

Just water. I'm like, oh Jesus, what does coffee make you fat too? I'm sick of you. Just stop it with this. Yeah, it goes the other way. Coffee is supposed to make you thin. That's why the mild,

coffee and cigarettes, darling. Coffee and cigarettes. Coffee and cigarettes, darling. Lunch. So then we cut to Toya. So Toya and Eugene are getting ready to go to sleep and what i love is that toya was wearing a beyonce t-shirt that said i woke up like this but you know when toya's mom

i woke up like this you know like a t-shirt i woke up like a t-shirt i woke up soft and fluffy and i cost five dollars in a tourist store but then i felt a lot better after i got a couple washes what i should what i should have done is gone to sleep like this. Now I make more sense to go to sleep like this. I woke up like this, I go to sleep like this. This is crazy. She's like, I'm wearing this shirt to bed now, but now it don't make no sense.

I told Eugene, don't be scared. I'm not like a werewolf. I don't wake up like one thing and go to sleep like another. I'm like this all day long. That's why I woke up like this. And then Eugene, who's gained probably 500 pounds since he started this show. Like, Eugene is literally,

he's one of those people at Disney World on a scooter soon, okay? He's not doing well. Eugene is eating his feelings, and he's not feeling very well. He's turning into Grimace, basically. He's feeling like a kind of Ben and Jerry's, basically. Grimace. Grimace, basically. He's feeling like a kind of Ben and Jerry's, basically. Grimace. Grimace! If we're going to bring back,

if we're going to do a callback to... He's turning into Grimace. And there's no end in sight. So... Oh, my God. So he started cheating. And so Toya catches him. Toya goes downstairs.

Because she's putting a nanny cam behind a cookie jar, which is the worst place to hide it if your husband is eating the cookies. She's going to be like, oh, a camera. Yeah. She's like, I put a nanny cam inside a peanut butter jar. Let's see if he finds it. It's like, you know he's going to eat that camera. Stupid.

She's like, I thought the nanny cam was to catch nanny from Muppet Babies, but no, it caught Eugene instead. Oh, poor Eugene. So he's like annoyed. He's like, here's the deal. I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want, okay? I'm like, yeah, we know. He's like, that's all I have to say. that's all i have to say that's all i have to say actions speak louder than words and yours just burped and farted at the same time we get it you know i love eugene

though like i don't know why he married toya he is eugene is adorable he really is he's so cute he's so cute and he's stress eating because she's spending everything he makes yeah he's spending all this money to have a semi-hot wife who just berates him for being fat. They're renting a giant mansion that used to belong to an NBA guy. So no wonder why he's stressed. He's got a business that's not working. He's spending money out the ass on this mansion. You don't need a hot wife, dude.

Fucking dump her. Dump her and masturbate in a Bentley, darling, that you own. Get rid of her. Yeah, so he's waddling around the kitchen eating, and he's, like, fucking around. And he's like, don't you, you know, don't sneak up on me. You know, what if I was spying on you and I saw what you were doing bad, like what you were doing with all the credit cards? And so he threatens her money. So finally she leaves him alone and she goes you so ignorant

and I was like you have not said one sentence properly since you came down those stairs woman I have I have came here to tell you ignorant and get out of here in the ambulance the quote I wrote of her is she goes doesn't

exist I'm gonna go tell the drug what you're doing Your commitment to your diet doesn't exist. I'm going to go tell the drug kaza what you're doing, Eugene. Oh, my God. She's so stupid. Okay, so next we're in the Chili's. Yeah, Lisa Nicole. Lisa Nicole and Darren. They're so fake.

Lisa Nicole's like, well, you know, it's really been bothering me, all of this stuff with Quad. And he's like, listen, I don't want to talk about the incident of the issue that happened and the incidence of the incident issueness. And she's like, yeah, it was hard because she abused me. And he's like, babe, all I really think we should do is just move on and just, like, maybe distract ourselves by getting me some new mom jeans that's what i think these jeans are gonna hold themselves up above my love handles on their own can we get me a new belt how about this babe why don't we go to the strip strip club we'll look at some strippers and then we'll get me some mom jeans then go back to strip club and that's it yeah let's talk about this over stripper sushi so only good menu there

her business lawyer comes in which i don't know what good that is but yeah she's like you know david walker is one of my attorneys i have the attorneys for the illegitimate children and i have attorneys for zippers that were put on wrong. Or I have my hanger attorney who's suing people who don't put hangers facing the right way. Because that can make me look bad. And I will also file charges if Quad files charges because I felt assaulted. I was like, yeah, but you weren't. Yeah. At all.

And there's actually footage of you. She was assaulted. Yeah. There's footage of you hitting someone and then throwing or uh throwing water at someone and then throwing a glass and then going after her to hit her so i don't know and i love the lawyer was like listen you need to settle this because you know the time that you spend doing this it's time you're not doing your this is getting in the way of your business i'm like oh god god forbid that the Lisa Nicole business gets

interrupted that that stupid boutique that's at the corner of wherever someone's like there's something's getting in the way of the management of that very important store I know like that rayon is not not ironing itself like shut up Lisa Nicole get out of here

and then she acts like she's being mature and she's like yes I would like to settle this in a way that won't embarrass her further. And then he's like, now look, she's a business owner, too. And a good business owner knows this is time consuming. Don't worry about it. And then she goes, she has no businesses. OK. So that's not really a good way to get people to drop charges.

Because, you know the producers just ran and showed her that clip and now you're going to be sued stupid if she has no businesses why'd you run a background check and call it due diligence how about that how about that oh did you know that she i think it was on her bravo blog or some interview someone posted it on our facebook but she told an interviewer well maybe i wasn't in business with her but i consider what we're doing to be working together which is being on a reality show and that's a business and i would feel more comfortable about knowing about people i'm in business with like she's an idiot she is an idiot

and she's a mean stupid idiot i mean this girl is vindictive mean awful used almost cancer last season which we didn't bug her for. But I'm sorry. Going to be tested for cancer is not having cancer. That was almost cancer. That was bullshit. And then she's doing this reverse feminism thing where her husband cheats on her multiple times and she stands up with him because he's got a lot of money. And that is bullshit.

I'm so sick of women doing this and then acting like they're doing it for the sake of the marriage and the sake of the children. And then she lashes out at the other women. She lashes out at the other women who dare to, like, utter that this happened. Yes. She goes against the women and stands with the man who cheated on her. Bitch, you are not doing this for the children. You're doing this for the lease. Okay?

You're doing this for the car lease. You're fucking up women everywhere by acting like this. Have some self-respect for crying out loud, you piece of shit. I'm sick of this with these women on Bravo. I'm sick of it i'm sick of it come on women stand up stop taking shit for men and they'll stop giving shit to women as long as women you know welcome mats aren't just gonna like people aren't gonna stop wiping their feet on the welcome mat because it's rude it's lying there it says welcome don't lay down and to be shocked that someone you know cleans the mud off their flip-flops before they go into their mother's house

yes preach ronnie preach anyway we then moved on to simone simone's sister arrived loved her sister as the season was boring we can move on yeah this scene was boring nothing happened they were just talking about my dad so then um oh now it came to phase two of fit as the new it yay yay jackie's assistant is like now look you have got to make this fun and jackie's like fun i am fun yeah did anybody tell mrs huxtable that she wasn't fun no she was on a sitcom on NBC she was fun like no that was Bill Cosby and he was also drugging people out to have sex with them but it's fun I'm a fun person now look running in heels might be okay because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger except fat that just makes you fat and dead that kills you and isn't fun but anything else we can do it we can do this

yeah she dragged Jackie dragged people out in the middle of the woods for like this little That just makes you fat and dead. That kills you and isn't fun. But anything else, we can do it. We can do this. Yeah. Jackie dragged people out in the middle of the woods for, like, this little sort of obstacle course relay race thing. And then she's like, I'm afraid some of my friends aren't taking this serious. Which, by the way, I hate it's seriously, first of all. But also, it's like, well, of course they're not taking it seriously because you're not qualified in any way to be running this program. Maybe your trainer is, but not you. You're just fat shaming.

You're just some worked out woman with a bullhorn. You know, you don't motivate people by screaming at them with a bullhorn. Do you know what they want to do? Shoot you. They do not want to listen to you. They want you dead. Okay? Right.

And then at some point, so Heavenly was there. And at some point she pulled a total toy up because she said fruition. And she goes for a Russian. What's with going out to exercise. She's like, okay, everybody, the trainer's like, okay,

everybody, welcome to the wilderness. You're going to run around a block. So be sure you get plenty of calories to fuel up, to run around the block. No, you're supposed to be burning calories. You don't tell an obese man that he needs to eat more calories before he exercises. He doesn't.

He's wearing 20 years of calories. What the fuck, people? Stop. And then on top of that, this race was like, it did not seem to be a highly effective way to lose weight it was like they ran together they did like a three-legged race to one stop they had to pick up some water and run about 10 feet to the next location and toya didn't even want to take the jugs which was annoying she's like i just want to run oh gee and you got the jugs and uh oh we should also mention that quad showed up and it was a big deal i was like i, I have arrived. I have made a commitment because I'm a woman of my word.

Shut up. Shut up. Don't act like you deserve a medal because you showed up to an obligation on your reality show. I'm a woman of my word. And my word is what I'm here to stay. I'm here to stay because I'm in. And in is in. And in is out.

And out is out. And I'm in the out. It's like, okay. At one point, Quad said something that made no sense. She was talking about how she and Jill would have won, but they forgot to do something at one point. They forgot to bring the jugs. And meanwhile, you've got fucking Eugene on a Florida Disney World electric scooter, like panting himself. He's like way last.

He's like, I brought the jugs. So he wins on a technicality. And he's like, I won. And Quad is like, oh, please now, Eugene. You're a grizzly bear. You're just a grizzly bear. You grizzle like a bear. But then Quad said something that made no sense.

I actually recorded it. Something about her and Jill being a daffodil. I want you to listen to this and tell me if this makes any sense to you. When it comes down to endurance, strength, and condition, me and Miss Jill, the daffodil, has it, honey. Me and Miss Jill, the daffodil, has it, honey. Me and Miss Jill's daffodil has it, honey. Me and Miss Jill's daffodil has it, honey.

What? It was just like a word. It was like she was doing well. She's like, when it comes to endurance and strength and conditioning, it's like, okay, quad, you're doing really well. You're making a full sentence. She's like, me and Miss Jill's daffodil has it baby what no lost it when it comes down to endurance strength and condition me and miss jill the daffodil has it honey girl that game is a that girl is a game of boggle

she's not even boggle makes more sense than the things that she says you have to stare at it for a really long time it's like someone took magnetic poetry and threw it on the refrigerator and read it some of the words and some of those words were upside down yeah um love her though i know she's ridiculous the daffodil has it baby man jill's a daffodil has it baby okay all right uh card line okay uh another boring thing the sister and the blah spying on teen urkel going on his first date who cares but i know that was stupid but i i do want to say i did think the scene was cute even if it was cute yeah it was cute and his date beautiful beautiful young lady and i hope that they just stay together for the rest of their lives she was so cute that that girl was wearing a

sweater up to her chin and wearing a scarf and like you could see the lock to her like virginity locks that girl was innocent and i like that that wasn't like some trashy teenager trying to be on tv for sure and i And I felt so bad. It was his first date. And what a terrible way to have your first date. Not only is your mom lurking in the bushes, but she's lurking in the bushes with a camera crew for national TV. I mean, that is pressure. Yeah, outside in Arby's or whatever.

Like, this is so romantic. Remember when you took me to eat that shaved plastic meat? Delicious. I knew right then. I was stuck with you it was so cute though i was like i'm so bored and yet so enchanted at the same time so phadra and quad so this is when quad goes to phadra and um uh uh phadra is telling her basically listen you are gonna ruin her life if you come after her it hurts the kids

it hurts the blah i mean you can do whatever you want well first of all i love which is like and then quad's like well i i don't want to hurt her children that's the last thing i want to do well actually then why did you get into your inspector gadget uniform and start trotting out all these details these incendiary details that don't really mean anything on camera on national tv if you don't want to hurt the kids well she didn't say she didn't want to hurt the kids it said first of all phedra said well this will damage the kids and she goes she goes well mama should have thought of that and then she's like well this could irreparably she rephrases like this will ruin their lives and

she's like oh i don't want to do that like i just want to hurt them i don't want to damage them forever i'm not hot i'm not less of a heart because my heart is beating like a beat master daffodil has it so then so then adrian at one point was like well then also you know with this glass on like there could be some sc, and that's your gold mine. As if Quad is in demand in Paris and Milan to walk the runways. And then Quad is like, oh, yes, and there is makeup. I can guarantee you this is makeup right here, but there is a scar. Excuse me, Freddy Krueger. Yeah, there's a huge scar.

I don't see anything. Like she's really Freddy under there. Shut up. And she's like, oh, yeah, your face is your – listen. When people run by you and they say cover girl, they mean please, cover girl. That face is not a goldmine. Get out of here. Get a bag on that thing.

That girl is not known for her face. She's known for being a crazy bitch on TV. Let's not kid ourselves. Listen, we have seen scars on TV before. We've seen Candy's assistant, Carmen. She got a big scar on her before. We've seen Candy's assistant, Carmen. She got a big scar on her face. And when you have a real scar that's going to damage you,

no amount of makeup can cover it up. It's just there. And it's fine. But it's there. So don't act like your scratch is a thing. For sure, it's fucked up. I mean, she did get glass on her face and she did get a cut.

Like, legit. And I think that Lisa Nicole should pay for her medical bills. But don't act like this is a $6 billion damages dollar damages she needs to pay for that neosporin and that giant half-faced like phantom of the opera band-aid that they put on her face even all they need to do in court is play the husband saying it's just a tiny scratch baby yeah that's all they said if it costs if it costs quad a hundred dollars i still think lisa n Lisa Nicole should pay it. I still do. But Quad should stop acting as if these are some major damages going on here.

Or that she was just standing there innocently and then got water thrown at her. Like, shut up. You were coming after someone on national TV, bitch. Please. You know what? Take it to Judge Judy. It's about time. Why doesn't Bravo get Judge Judy involved with some of these things?

Because I would love to hear what Judge Judy has to say about this. I would love it. Because seasons would be over in two seconds. She'd be like, you're all stupid, Seawoods. That's it. Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's a thunderstorm outside. Okay. I love Lisa Nicole going, or Quad going,

Lisa Nicole is she who should not be named, honey. She is a name you shall not name. That is a morty-vorty. I'm like, shut up. You've never watched Harry Potter. You need to just be quiet. Okay, so that was it. So next week, Quad fights with Jill.

And she's like, Quad is so stupid. I love her. Jill's like, listen, I'm going to confront you because remember when we were in the wilderness and all those people brought jugs? You told me I didn't need my jugs or whatever the stupid fight's about. And Quad's like, I do not appreciate you speaking to me in that tone. And Jill's like, yeah, but I'm upset. And she goes, this is getting a little bit out of hand. And I do not want that with you.

Like she's creepily silent. And then they just cut to Jill blinking blankly like, uh. You know what Jill's problem is? You know what she has? Judgy eyes. Everybody, thank you so much for listening to watch watch crop eyes thank you for all your support on patreon.com slash watch crappins come to our facebook page facebook.com slash watcher crappins and remember that this week's show is going to be real housewives of new york city million dollar listing san francisco and probably a bunch of previews of new Bravo shows coming up later

this summer. Bye everybody. Bye. If you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews

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GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.