Watch What Crappens - #207: Dusty the Practical Joker PLUS 2 NEW Housewives Singles!

Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode of Watch What Crappens was brought to you by premium subscribers Claudia Catalina and Christy Doherty. We love you, girls. Now on to the show.

Starting point is 00:00:36 That's right, Shaz. Banter from the rules. Come gather round and make fun of these fools. A podcast about bra, nothing runs with Bravo But that's okay, we only care about Bravo Watch what crap is, watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is What happens, what happens Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? head of haired how do you say that i have a full head oh my god i thought i only i was missing the

Starting point is 00:01:48 half one half of my head but no it's there i've got a full head today you've been b-side headed um ben mandelker from the b-side blog and the banter blender podcast welcome to the watch what crappens podcast ben oh why thank you ronnie thanks for being a special guest on your own podcast wow i just flew in right from melbourne um we are here to talk about some crap on bravo but first let's do all our plugs yeah um go to watch what crappens.com if you want to find out how to follow us personally on insta facebook grinder twitter whatevs we're there and you can also come to facebook.com slash watch what crippens and that's where you can talk to all the other listeners and us about all the shows that are airing on bravo we have live show threads usually the nights

Starting point is 00:02:37 that these shows are airing so you can go talk crap there it's also a great uh place people have been really active in posting uh kind of like their own inside jokes to the blog. For instance, Edward Mitchum posted a picture of Chateau Charest, which is actually way farther along than I thought it would be in that the last time we saw it, it was just a bunch of dirt. And now there's actually a structure there. And then also Ashley Kinsel posted a picture of a share of Coke Zero with David. David? David. I thought it was funny.

Starting point is 00:03:08 And he was posting that trailer, that mobile home called Wolf Pop. Denise Lopez posted a picture of a mobile home that said, oh, Wolf Pop. Oh, Wolfie. And then Betsy Luna said, look what's on sale at Target. What a perfect gift for Shannon's daughter. Even Liza would love this gift. A great practice for next chandelier to get trashed. That's right.

Starting point is 00:03:30 There's like a make your own chandelier toy. So it's just kind of amazing. People are just posting all this funny shit that we are really appreciative for. Yeah. So go there. Facebook.com slash Watch what Crippins. Also, our bonus episodes are becoming, well, they've always been really fun, but I'm almost looking forward to those as much as these lately

Starting point is 00:03:53 because we just get to talk about whatever we want. And so this week was crazy. We talked about that guy who killed a lion, and then we talked about Below Deck. We did like a kind of talky preview of that while we watched it. That was really fun. And what else did we talk about? Oh, we talked about I Am Kate.

Starting point is 00:04:11 So it's so fun to be able to talk crap about anything we want. We talked about illegal immigration last week. I just love it. You can come get our uninformed opinions on every subject in the book. And those bonus episodes are available for premium subscribers of it. Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens. That's P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com slash Watch What Crappens. And you guys are our sugar mamas and daddies

Starting point is 00:04:35 and taking care of us. This is our job now, which is a maze. So anyway, thank you everybody who is so supportive there and everybody who's not. Everybody who's just listening to these. We're loving it. We're loving thank you everybody who is so supportive there and everybody who's not, everybody who's just listening to these. We're loving it. We're loving that you're sharing this and keeping us going. So thank everybody.

Starting point is 00:04:52 And we promise we will never kill a lion. We will never kill a lion. That's for sure. And if we do, we certainly won't skin it and leave its carcass just out in the middle of nowhere and then cry. You know, people are such idiots on facebook

Starting point is 00:05:05 this guy's like does this guy have his uh does he deserve to have his entire practice ruined and his life ruined and his blah blah blah because of internet outrage um yeah actually yeah he does and that's called the power of free speech look you can go kill any lion that you want to and then the world can close your dentistry down because of it. And that's, you know, it's called consequences, bitch. Yeah. Yeah. So enjoy yourself. The power of Yelp, darling.

Starting point is 00:05:34 Darling, darling. You get a lion, you get one Yelp star. That's right. Maybe you can move to Zimbabwe and try and help some lions with caps or some shit like that to make up for it. Son of a bitch. Chef Penny, all right. We have a special treatment of lion coming, all right?

Starting point is 00:05:49 So we're going to do lion ta-ta. All right, get to your post right now. Chop up that lion meat. Mix it with some mustard and put it on a plate right now. Don't waste the lion, darling. Lion calf rolls on sale now. You can get one little bowl of lion grilled with a tomato under it, darling. $19. Come over to Pump, darling.

Starting point is 00:06:09 We're pumping all we can out of that one giant lion. Darling, darling, come to Pump. Chef Penny has made a lion wedge salad. It's basically just the paw sliced up with blue cheese dressing on it. Come eat it. It's wonderful. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:23 So there's that. Okay, so also we've got a surprise today two new bravo songs that's right by the actual cast members of bravo i know you guys are being so supportive and tweeting and stuff that these people are like actually tweeting us their links first. So we're really excited to share those with you a little later in the broadcast. Well, yeah, we have, so we have two new songs.

Starting point is 00:06:54 One is why don't we start with this one from Luann Luann actually, as you all know, she released a song called girl code, but I don't know if you heard about this, but there was an original version that she totally scrapped. And I guess she made a big fuss about it. And so they went back to the studio. And the one that you're hearing on the internet now is the second version. But the original one has actually been leaked.

Starting point is 00:07:28 So we actually have the audio of that right now, and I'm very excited to play it. Me too. I cannot wait to hear it. Okay. Listen up, girls. Class is in session. If you were at a party eating dinner as a guest, would you stay behind the hostess back to bang the hired chef? No.

Starting point is 00:07:51 Your friend brings home a pirate that looks like Johnny Depp. Do you go for 30 seconds without missing a step? No. We could be a team. Share lipstick and tanner Yes, girl Life could be a scream You just need simple manners

Starting point is 00:08:16 Girl, girl, girl, girl I like that it has sort of like a mid-90s kind of vibe to it. You're carrying a title across the desert sand. Do you try and buck her off and make her look like a fool in front of the women who are only here because she planned this trip? No. But a camel would, apparently. Not girl code camel. We could rule the world. Keep the T-Rex wild.

Starting point is 00:08:59 We're a vermin, sir. Just don't cross the counter, child. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl.

Starting point is 00:09:09 Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl.

Starting point is 00:09:20 Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl on Twitter. Got a girl's back. She'll be there when you tumble. Crouch or don't come back. She's ready for a rumble. Lunch, brunch, happy hour. Party like we own New York. BFF until you eat your salad with the dinner fork. This is pretty amazing. Be cool.

Starting point is 00:09:43 Don't be all right. Uncool. Wow. Wow. cool. Don't be all like uncool. Wow. Wow, that, I mean, that's some brilliance right there. That is some brilliance. How in the world would they scrap that in the first place? I don't know. That was, I mean, she got across all

Starting point is 00:09:59 her main points, all her great talking points. Pretty much. How would you scrap that? It's not girl code. No, definitely it's's not yeah it's gonna that's gonna reach the top of the charts darling so it's so funny because uh i don't know if you heard about this but um shannon bedore is following in the footsteps of the land you know this she like every other housewife has decided to release a song. So it's a short song. I think it's only like 46 seconds. I think she's just dipping her toes

Starting point is 00:10:30 in the world of music. But that audio linked also. Do you want to hear that? Yes. Of course. Bring it. David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, Who would have thought I could have reached this beautiful place? Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Starting point is 00:11:07 Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Starting point is 00:11:09 Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Starting point is 00:11:22 Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I think it sounds like the next club anthem if you ask me That is amazing

Starting point is 00:11:31 I can imagine it really being a dance David David You can't see me but I'm actually making dance moves My hands are out I think you have to do a mime Because she's trapped in a glass. I think you have to do a mime because she's trapped in a hidden box.

Starting point is 00:11:47 Oh my god. Please make a video of that. I think we should both make a video and I think that we have to make a dance move. And I think it is the mime thing against the glass wall. David. David.

Starting point is 00:12:01 David. I think she could get it into Rage or The Abbey. I think so. That song changed my life. So we'll put both of these at the end of the podcast so you can hear them more clearly. I'll put the actual audio up. So you can, I mean, the Luanne song is not ever clear, which is why it was never released, I think. Yeah, well, it was definitely, it was a rough cut.

Starting point is 00:12:24 It was a rough cut. Oh, God. It's it's never gonna get cleaner darling that's for sure i played it over car speakers and it was like i was like damn it my dad was like that could use a little cleaning up that's like the nicest way to say it i was like please be a critic because people need the world needs more critics like that. Well, maybe it just needs a little mopping up, son. That shit was brilliant, Ben. Loved it. Thank you.

Starting point is 00:12:53 As was yours. Oh, my God. David. David. David. David. I might just put out just the remix without all her words, because the actual remix of the Real Housewives of New York theme is kind of fun to listen to.

Starting point is 00:13:09 Just if you're a fan of that show. It was fun to play around with, darling. Nothing. All right. Well, that was some real gossip. That was our music day. So thank you for coming to our music day. That was so fun.

Starting point is 00:13:21 So to all the new listeners, welcome. We are ridiculous. So good. All right. So to all the new listeners, welcome. We are ridiculous. So good. All right. So let's move on to some Brav's Gas. Yes. All right. The first thing was about, I don't remember what the first thing was.

Starting point is 00:13:39 Well, we have three. We have Brandy, Taylor, and Gina. Let's start with Brandy. Okay, yeah. So Brandy was tweeting, I've spent over $50,000 on attorneys for some frivolous lawsuit, and that's bullshit. So now I'm going to represent myself, which.

Starting point is 00:13:57 Oh, God. Oh, my God. I would love to see that because you know that's going to be good. She's objection overruled. You're mean. You're mean. You're mean to me, you stupid slack. Nobody even likes you anyway, you stupid judge. Why don't you just go do some meth in the

Starting point is 00:14:11 bathroom, you loser. Judge, I will fucking kill you. Do not talk about my family. We weren't talking about, do not talk about my family. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, my family. I'm sorry. I can't understand you. You're racist.

Starting point is 00:14:29 You're discriminatory. Eddie cheated on me. You're going to lose. You're going to lose. Excuse me, judge. It's judge. But you look like such a judge. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:14:43 I hope the judge is Caucasian so Brandi can't accuse it of not being able to swim. She is – so she's going to – she's not really representing herself, but she basically fired her lawyers. And then she says, anyone that wants to help represent me, please contact Alex Shankman, or I will just be defending myself. Let me know. Depositions are soon. But you know what's funny? You know who else defended themselves? The Long Island Railroad murderer.

Starting point is 00:15:09 So that's basically the camp that she's in at this point. Yeah. I love that she's basically asking for free representation on Twitter. She's like, anybody want to donate their time as a lawyer to me? And it's going to be some weirdo fan who's like, oh my god, I love you, judge. Lisa Vanderpump was really mean to her, and objection, okay? Oh my god, can I have your autograph?

Starting point is 00:15:32 Bah! What Brandi will say is, alright, I'll apologize to Joanna Krupa, but we both need to apologize. Yeah, exactly. Things were said. No, you were the only one who said things. But she was mean to me too i do think it's hilarious that you can sue somebody for saying you have a stinky pussy

Starting point is 00:15:50 i mean that's kind of crazy how is that wrecking your career yeah i i do agree that it is a frivolous lawsuit but um considering that it's costing brandy fifty thousand dollars i kind of don't mind and she had to already move the second she got fired from Beverly Hills because she can't afford her lease. Girl, you do not need to be blowing 50 grand. Look, if Joanna Krupa makes money with her vagina, then you have to leave it alone, okay? You can't just be making fun of it.

Starting point is 00:16:18 That is her moneymaker. Yeah, that and posing naked to save orcas, which is something that Joanna Krupa is apparently doing at the moment. Oh, my God. How do you save whales by being thin and naked? I don't understand that. It's bringing awareness. See, just the fact that I mentioned it means that more people are aware that we have to save the orcas.

Starting point is 00:16:37 David. She's like, too many orcas are swimming up on the beach. So I got naked. And because I have a smelly vagina that smells like dead fish, I swim out into the ocean and I lead them back out into the beach. So I got naked, and because I have a smelly vagina that smells like dead fish, I swim out into the ocean, and I lead them back out into the ocean. So, you know, I'm saving the orcas. Well, you know Peter.

Starting point is 00:16:53 Peter loves the orcas. He's always punching the orcas when they're asleep. That's because he loves them. He's an artist, you know? He has a tattoo of an orca on his shoulder. But, of course, the orca says mom. I wanted to save the orcas, so I go into restaurants, and I spread spread my legs and people get so disgusted that the orca fat people

Starting point is 00:17:10 can't eat no more so i'm saving the orcas you know i'm making them skinny you know you know what my idea for sea world is instead of having orcas there we'll have some real seas there like tamra barney they have a documentary about me right now called Blackfish. Sea World has been so mean to Joanna Cooper's vagina, everybody. Just leave it alone, okay? Leave it alone. David. David.

Starting point is 00:17:38 You never take me to Sea World, David. David, David, David, David, David, David, David. David, I thought that I was your Shamu. David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David. David. David. How many girlfriends has the orca splash? David. David, I thought that I was your Shamu. David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David. David. David. How many girlfriends has the orca splashed? David. David, tell me.

Starting point is 00:17:50 David, I want you to make a list of every seat you sat in at SeaWorld. That way when I get splashed, I know that's left just for me and not just the memory of your mistress. Okay, so next up we have Taylor Armstrong. So the rumor is Taylor is back, which, God, I hope this is true. No one else since Taylor. Listen, when there's a fight on the Housewives show, everybody else fights. The first minute there's a punch, everybody else punches. The first second anything is done, someone gets a fake baby in the mail to take care of,

Starting point is 00:18:22 and then everybody gets a fake baby in the mail to take care of. someone gets a fake baby in a mail to take care of, and then everybody gets a fake baby in the mail to take care of. But this one, when Taylor got wasted, then zipped herself up in a suitcase drunk while crying after accusing her husband, who didn't even know she was talking about abuse on that. You know, no one has repeated this yet, which means that Taylor Armstrong is a true original.

Starting point is 00:18:42 That's true. That is very, very true. She deserves a diamond in her. She's a maverick. She's a maverick. She deserves a big plastic diamond paperweight in her hand to hold with the rest of those fools. Absolutely. So the rumor is that she's back full time.

Starting point is 00:18:57 We don't know if this is true or not. I love it. But there's already stories circulating that she is fighting with Lisa Rinna. And I figured it would be because she's a drunk and Lisa Rinna you know how that goes with Lisa she'll be like yeah I know drugs I know how this goes Harry's friends have died you know or whatever but apparently this is going beyond that and according to the rumors uh Lisa Rinna is accusing no wait Taylor no wait who's accusing who

Starting point is 00:19:25 Taylor is accusing Yolanda Foster of lying about her Lyme disease oh my love she's lying about me she's lying on me she's lying on me so I guess she is being stood up for by Lisa Rinna

Starting point is 00:19:42 oh god this sounds like it'll be one of those ridiculous arguments that'll be hilarious to watch. Oh, yeah. This is gonna be some good shit. I cannot wait for this season. Yeah. We have another piece of gossip, courtesy of Derek Hazeltine. Hello, Derek. Hello, Derek

Starting point is 00:19:57 Hazeltine, darling. So, this is funny because the article says ex-housewife Gina Keough is moving in with her boyfriend. And I just started to laugh because I was like, why is that an article? So I was like, okay, whatever. But then as I started to read it, I see that she actually released a statement. And she goes, I have fallen in love with someone and decided to move in with him.

Starting point is 00:20:21 He lives in a beautiful remodeled place on Lake Mission Viejo. Why would she release that statement? Like, I have met someone in Tustin, and we are going to be moving in together. Thank you very much. No more questions, please. I met him in the Blu-ray section of The Best Buy while I was eating peanut M&Ms

Starting point is 00:20:40 and smelling the popcorn from the snack bar up front. That is all. Thank you. I met him when I had just recently parked and smelling the popcorn from the snack bar up front. That is all. Thank you. I met him when I had just recently parked for my class at Curves Fitness, and he was standing there waiting to go into Yogurtland. I was on the other line with Brooksy waiting for the Oreos to get crumbled up for my Yogurtland parfait. And then Tamara's ex-husband called on the other line,

Starting point is 00:21:03 and I was so stressed out with everybody else's boyfriends and boom, someone was double parked and it was my new man who by the way has a home that is remodeled and he is completely current on his rent so that is all, thank you I just want to say thank you everyone for the support.

Starting point is 00:21:25 I recently met my new boyfriend at the car wash, and we will be moving in together in Costa Mesa. Thank you so much. No more questions at this moment. My boyfriend has decided to wear plastic jackets in case we ever see Tamara Barney out. Thank you. That is all. We'll be in his remodeled home, which has been remodeled and is in testing. Thank you. Just thank you very much. My boyfriend and I, we met while arguing over the last churro at the

Starting point is 00:21:56 AM PM, and we will be currently residing in Aliso Viejo from this point on. Thank you so much. No more questions. Arguing over the last churro. That actually sounds like a way I would get into a relationship. That's the only relationship that would ever last. Like, if we get into an argument with the churro and decide to split it, we're going to be together forever. It's like the notebook. Only nothing's ever written down, ever. Okay.

Starting point is 00:22:26 So, that's it, right? Did we do it all? Thank you, everyone, for submitting your gossip. Also, people on Bravo, like, make an effort, because that really wasn't much. Yeah, seriously. We need some more gossip. Seriously. Seriously. Seriously.

Starting point is 00:22:39 Seriously. Like, Vanderpump Rules kids, like, go, like, have sex or something. Get into, like, a light car accident. By the way or something. Get into a light car accident. By the way, Ronnie got into a scooter accident. Oh, my God. Yesterday. Bender. Bender.

Starting point is 00:22:54 Yesterday. Bendles. Bendles. You know when those days just like something goes bad and then everything goes bad? It was just one of those days. Late to the airport. Then the plane's an hour late. Then I get hit.

Starting point is 00:23:07 Well, I didn't get hit. But some lady ran a red light and I almost got hit and skidded out on my scooter. And then I was like, everything's fine. But then my iPhone was shattered. And do you know what a pain in the ass it is getting an iPhone? They want to charge me $175. Damn it, I don't have that. So I was like, I'm going to go on Craigslist.

Starting point is 00:23:23 Screw you, T-Mobile. And I literally said that to the lady on the phone. Because she was joking. She was like, well, yeah, that's insurance for you. I said, yeah, but if I switch to a new company, that's how much the entire phone would cost. And she's like, yeah, but you're under contract now. Hope you had insurance on your scooter. And I was like, you're really funny, lady.

Starting point is 00:23:41 So then I called some guy on Craigslist. And he's like, just meet me in the valley, which, you know, I mean, I was horrified to be seen there on my fancy scooter, which is still chugging along. So I drive over the hill, and that is not the valley. That was Reseda, okay? It was like an hour and a half. That's deep valley, Reseda. Yeah, so then we're sitting there in a Carl's Jr. while he's trying to fix my phone, and this homeless dude goes into the bathrooms there, which I had already peed in there. And those bathrooms, they have – you know how people scratch stuff into the walls in the bathroom, like their gang symbols or stuff?

Starting point is 00:24:14 I mean, that shit was, like, scratched into the seat. And I was thinking, why do you need your gang symbols on the toilet seat? Like, so you can imprint them on somebody's, like, pasty ass? Like, So what? So they're walking around. They're wearing pants. I just don't get it. And then he was selling drugs or something in there

Starting point is 00:24:31 because he kept coming out to make sure he was okay. And people kept, all these meth head looking people, kept coming in and then leaving. And he never left. And then one of the employees went in there and then spent some time in there and then came out and he was still in there.

Starting point is 00:24:45 So I don't know what's going on in the Carl's Jr. in Reseda, but I support small businesses, so good for you. I changed my mind. Good for you guys. So he couldn't fix the phone, so then I went to Reseda for nothing, and then I got back at midnight, and I was like, you know what? I'm done. I don't need a phone anymore. Is the phone broken, or is it just the glass is shattered? I'm done. I don't need a phone anymore.

Starting point is 00:25:03 Is the phone broken or is it just the glass is shattered? Well, the glass was shattered and it won't turn on. I mean, it was still playing the podcast that I was listening to, so I thought it was working. I didn't even know it was shattered. But apparently a socket for the selfie cam is broken.

Starting point is 00:25:20 That's the only part he couldn't get working. I mean, I need to see what I look like if I'm taking a picture. There's a cell phone place that our friend Sylvia took her thing, too. And she had a good experience. So I can get that. I need to replace like a whole socket that's in the motherboard. I learned a lot about phones last night.

Starting point is 00:25:40 It sounds like it sounds like jargon from 24. We have to replace the socket. Set a hard perimeter. He's getting away, Chloe. Yeah, right now. No one cares. But it was just a hard perimeter. He's getting away, Chloe. Yeah. I need you right now, Chloe. No one cares, but it was just a shitty day. I'm okay. My phone's not. But now I'm just not communicating. And it's actually very nice. Like, I sat on the pot today

Starting point is 00:25:54 and actually read the ValPak, you know, that you get in the mail? Like, with all the coupons? Yeah, now you can get a car wash. Because I couldn't read, like, comments or do anything like that on there. I couldn't read my Watch What Crappens Facebook page, which I normally do when I'm pooping. So thank you, Val Pack, for all

Starting point is 00:26:09 of the commentary that you provide on life. Lots of car washes giving deals, guys. Oh my goodness. Well, something that was just as entertaining as that Val Pack, I'm sure, was the real housewives of new york city oh my god for real the show i hope this doesn't cut us off because i have to

Starting point is 00:26:31 bring up my twitter to bring up something that someone named teb teb 25 39 54 you know she has a lot of numbers after her name but we're friends on twitter and this girl can start all kinds of like i love following her because she's just like, she's not afraid of a Twitter fight. She's, you know, she'll go for it. So I love following her Twitter fights and stuff. But she sent me a really, really good

Starting point is 00:26:55 thing about New York. And it's not a story or anything. It's actually a clip from Carol Radziwill's book What Remains? A Memoir of Fate, Friendship, and Love. And I would love to read this to you, because I think it's pretty fascinating. Oh, yes, please.

Starting point is 00:27:10 Are you read? Oh, yeah. All right. Blah, blah, blah. You don't want it all, but. Mm-hmm. Sorry. Let's do the Carol audiobook version.

Starting point is 00:27:20 I follow the ballbearers down the aisle and sit silently in the pew at the front of the church. We scatter Anthony's ashes in the ocean from the beach in front of his mother's house. I stay for two days and then go home. The doorman gives me a package of Anthony's things from the hospital.

Starting point is 00:27:38 His sneakers, his Swiss Army watch, his gold wedding band. He was handsome and serious, bent over scripts in a hotel room. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. So could you hear the interesting part in there, Ben? Did you?

Starting point is 00:27:55 No. Was it amongst the mucus bubbles? I can't hear anything. Well, I put his ashes into a glass of iced tea, and I've had phlegm ever since. Oh, Anthony. No, the trick there is the we scatter Anthony's ashes in the ocean from the beach in front of his mother's house. Well, maybe she didn't scatter all the ashes. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:28:23 So wait now. So you write in your book that you've already scattered these ashes. And now, suddenly, you have a storyline about going to pick up his ashes. Come on, now. You know what we need? You know what we need right now? We need Aviva Drescher to get the bottom of book gate number two. Oh, my God.

Starting point is 00:28:42 Yes, please. Oh, my God. You couldn't even scatter your own husband's ashes. You had a whole team of people scattering his ashes for you. This isn't about the ashes. It's about the urns that don't have any legs. You had a ghost

Starting point is 00:28:56 scatterer scattering your ghost. You took that urn up an elevator. How dare you? You know what? There should have been a banner over that urn that said, congratulations, you interned me. Yeah, so I'm not sure what's up with that. But thank you, Ted. And I cannot believe, or is it T-E-B? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:29:18 Ted, Teeps, I love you. Love your picture on the Twitter. Know you well now. But thanks for sharing that. I'm surprised this hasn't been brought up before because that's pretty shady. And that would also explain why the urn's different, why the preacher doesn't know English. So let's just start at the beginning of New York. First off, oh my God, this was legit sad. And I almost felt something enough to cry

Starting point is 00:29:42 on the airport, but I was stuck in the window seat next to an obese guy and I could barely breathe. I was like, if you cry, it's going to get all over this guy and then you're going to feel stupid. I have nothing to add to that because I was not next to an obese man last night. I was on my couch. I'm really big, too. So it's like our arms. I was on my couch. I'm really big too, so it's like our arms,

Starting point is 00:30:05 I think I had like, I think I had his armpit stain on my shoulder when I got off the plane. I was like, wow, we really bonded. Thank you for that big, hairy fat blanket. That was lovely. Was it John? You better back the fuck up. You better back up, mister! You better back up.

Starting point is 00:30:20 Just sit on it, I'll play it. You better back up. Don't talk about John. Don't get, get back up. Hey, is that plate. You better back up. Don't talk about John. Don't get, get back up. Hey, is that an armpit? Sorry, go ahead. Pure, pure. Back it up.

Starting point is 00:30:33 Did John get an armpit stained on your shoulder? You better back it up. Actually, back it up to his dry cleaning business. Because he's fantastic at what he does. That's my man. So, um. So we open with the ladies in London. This is mostly like a dead husband episode.

Starting point is 00:30:50 So just a warning. We're going to talk about that a lot. And we have to be laughing. The first ten minutes was like, Carol, she goes to this church where the ashes are. And she's doing her, like, coy thing. And, again, I love Carol. But it was a little – I don't know. She could have reeled it in a little bit in this church with this cool priest dude. And she's basically like, my memories are being with him when he was about to –

Starting point is 00:31:15 basically the whole first half of the hour was like, I remember when he was about to die and someone tapped me on the shoulder and I was like, wow. It's like, okay, great. It was actually pretty interesting. Well, a couple of things. Dorinda, you know, we haven't really quite figured Dorinda out yet because, I mean, I think we figured her out perfectly. But on the show, she changes so much from week to week. It's really hard to tell what the hell this woman's up to. But I loved when she walked into the hotel room and then looked out the window and hit her head on the window.

Starting point is 00:31:47 Like, I don't know. Mr. Jetson, that's so clean I couldn't even see it. I mean, look at London. London is so classy. It's so different. It's so refined here. Oh, God, look at that. Look at how they make windows in London.

Starting point is 00:32:02 I didn't even notice. It's so different from how they are in New York. I forgot how clear London's windows are. Look at this view. Look at this view. Oh, you better back it up. Back it up, window. Window, back it up.

Starting point is 00:32:16 I'm trying to look through you. Window, back it up. So that was my first note, that she hit it. And then she was saying, I blowed leap. Maybe I could just stay with you. And you can't stay with Carol, okay? Heather will get very upset. There's only one woman sleeping naked next to Carol.

Starting point is 00:32:37 I'm surprised Heather didn't come bursting down the hallway being like, there is a naked man in the next room. It's like, yeah, it's this hotel room. It's a naked man. How could you do this to me? I in the next room. It's like, yeah, it's his hotel room. It's a naked man. How could you do this to me? I was right next door. I was naked. I have children.

Starting point is 00:32:52 Oh, Jesus. I love that we saw a guy in an actual top hat on purpose that wasn't on Big Brother. Because it looks way less stupid when someone's actually opening your door for you. Yes. And Dorinda's thing mostly this whole time was, wow, look how different London is. Oh, I used to be such a part of the

Starting point is 00:33:11 London high society. I just can't imagine that. I can't imagine her and Trené Hanyo. She's like, these people are my friends. This is family. This is family.

Starting point is 00:33:25 You better back it up, family. Back it up across the Thames, okay, family? Back it up. She was – she actually said, London is – London, it's a more gentle lifestyle. I mean, compared to you bitches, fucking living in a constantly turned on dryer is a more gentle lifestyle okay you could go to prison and it would be a more gentle lifestyle than the cast of this show leads to i know i know i think just being across an ocean from ramona singer makes it a more gentle lifestyle okay okay uh carol was getting ready to go pick up the ashes

Starting point is 00:34:06 and she was wearing this thing. It's like a... It had like a ruffle on the collar. It was like a really high collar all the way to her turkey neck. And like a collar. It had like bondage things that you had to strap in like a belt on your wrist and your collar

Starting point is 00:34:22 which I thought was weird. And then, I don't know if she thought that the preachers were going to be like, I don't know, needed her to cover her waddle. I don't know. They're like, we don't do that here in London, darling. Please cover your waddle when you come into a church. Darling. But anyway, I don't know why I'm writing this stuff down,

Starting point is 00:34:38 but you know, that's what you get when you follow my notes. Then on the way, she's saying, I'm just producing this story in my head you've already produced it and in that story the ashes are already scattered reproduce so she goes up to this thing that looks like a house

Starting point is 00:34:56 I mean it was still nice in America that would be a strip mall that's where our churches are our new churches are like next to a Chipotle and she meets father darius who doesn't seem he's not really english i don't know was he chowman he's something i thought he was french maybe he i couldn't decipher his accent but he seemed a little confused and heather was wearing rubber gloves like rubber cleaning gloves i don't know what the hell yeah at first i was like rubber gloves, like rubber cleaning gloves. I don't know what the hell.

Starting point is 00:35:25 Yeah, at first I was like, yes, I was like, not Heather, Carol. I thought, at first I was like, oh, maybe because they're about to handle the urn, she has to put on like surgical gloves or something, like she can't touch certain things, or it's a church, an old church or whatever. I was like, wait, the priest isn't wearing anything. And then later on when she held the urn, she took the gloves off, and I realized they weren't latex at all. They were just gloves, like normal gloves that were the color of surgical gloves.

Starting point is 00:35:52 I found these in my office from the last tenant and thought they looked cute. Get it? Because her office is a kitchen? Okay. So blah uh blah blah blah so then she's like she's talking to the preacher and doesn't know if they're supposed to hug no you're not supposed to hug that's what got the catholic church into trouble in the first place no more hugging all right um and then she went into this weird thing about well my husband was a joker he's a practical joker and this seems like one big practical joke the priest is like um can you leave now thank you he's like do you know what it's not a joke toy thing 10 bitch i'm not really sure what she was going after there like what the joke would be but the joke was that she thought she'd gotten rid of

Starting point is 00:36:54 the ashes and now she's got to go back and get them again that's funny ben who who took his ashes out of the ocean, reformed himself, and died again in a different church. And it was a different urn, even. She's like, this used to be taller and thinner. I mean, who isn't, right? Who wasn't? So I didn't understand that. It was like a new urn. This whole thing was kind of confusing.

Starting point is 00:37:21 Basically, Andy Cohen burned some newspapers, put them in an urn and then like called up the church was like hey this is carol radziwill's widow dead husband can you call her up and tell her that you have it thanks and she's like okay it'll be on his watch what happens live shelves next to like the ramona singer yeah he's gonna interview it so ashes what's going on what's new with you shotskies ashes ashes they come out of the ocean reform and put themselves in a fat urn who wants a fat urn ashes not cool ashes not cool we liked it better when you were called the mommy and star brendan frazier thank you uh so carol's carol's always she wore rubber gloves so basically to shake hands with the preacher that's what i think and then so she doesn't know how to handle it so she hugs him and then she sits down and basically

Starting point is 00:38:18 he's like well you know the other church i don't know i couldn't understand what he said it got condemned that's what i thought he said. It got like deconsecrated or something like that. Basically like the church was like, no more. Get out. Yeah, they're like, the expiration date of this church has been reached. Get out, church. Burn it down. Put the church in the house.

Starting point is 00:38:38 So for whatever reason. I'm sorry, this church is going to be the London outpost of Pump. Lisa Vanderpump, our golden child, is returning home and she's going to make a new restaurant here. So go the London outpost of Pump. Or at least of Vanderpump. Our golden child is returning home. And she's going to make a new restaurant here. So go. Get out, religious people. Church house.

Starting point is 00:38:50 We're putting planters instead. Pampers. Pampers in the church. We serve breakfast right here now. He's like, I'm sorry, but the church has been cremated. No. Bad joke. So it was consecrated or deconsecrated or unsecreted.

Starting point is 00:39:04 I don't know. Something. So they're in this new place and then carol's like i'm not comfortable talking about my feelings or giving love meanwhile she's hugging the guy shaking hands with the guy and then she starts like therapizing i know it's not a word but she's getting she's like getting therapy from the guy and he's just looking at her like what she's like yeah and we met and then it was weird because we were working down the hall and when we met he had cancer but i was like yeah who cares because he didn't care and you know cancer never came in between us and then it did

Starting point is 00:39:38 and then when it finally did i got so sad and i couldn't even look at him and then i was like what it's again it's like that scene in an airplane. I know you haven't seen an airplane, but like when that woman is talking and like every person who sits next to her on the airplane winds up killing themselves. And I think there's like a nun who hangs herself at one point. I'm surprised that the priest just didn't like rip off his collar and be like, oh, you know what? Guess what? I'm an actor hired by Bravo I'm done with this I can't this is not part of the contract

Starting point is 00:40:07 yeah the preacher just looked like okay are you going to pay for the urn or not because that was expensive it has diamonds on it so she leaves without paying for the urn and then she gets in the car and puts on Beats headphones

Starting point is 00:40:23 and we don't hear what she's listening to, but it's really touching. So I was just guessing Taylor Swift. Yeah. Blank space, baby. Yeah. I'm young. I'm young. It's not about her age.

Starting point is 00:40:36 It's just that her music really moves me. To the other lord. And then she gets in bed and cries with the urn. You know, that was so sad. That's where I actually was like, meh. Because when people cry, I cry. I mean, I couldn't tell if she was really crying. But, I mean, I had a guy sweating on my shoulder.

Starting point is 00:40:55 And, I don't know, I was kind of crying too. It was really sad. But at the same time, I was like, there's a camera right in your face watching you. Yeah, that's how awkward. Yeah, so she was crying and that was really sad and then of course this show is like so subtle we cut to sonia and romana romana i'm sorry that's the lady who raised me uh ramona sonia and ramona um and we meet raquel sonia's new fashion intern yeah serving white wine and champagne glasses darling that's awful. And Raquel, the fashion intern, is wearing like some Mrs. Roper scarf around her head and skinny jeans from Old Navy.

Starting point is 00:41:31 I don't know where Sonya finds these people, but it explains why she's always dressed funnily. Maybe she put up a posting, a listing on computer number three. She's like, Pickles, call your friend Craig's and get on his list. And if you can't get on his get on the ngs headbands anybody who's into headbands i want somebody into headbands get them over here so i don't even remember what oh yeah she was like talking she was trying to explain to ramona because of course ramona is such a liar she's like everybody was so mad at me but i wasn't even sleeping with the guy i didn't even know okay you know one minute luanne's having sex with some guy in the corner of the living room and getting sploosh all over all of the beautiful things in the couch and i said wow is this some nature's way okay because

Starting point is 00:42:19 when my dog used to pee on things we put some nature's way and you couldn't even smell it the next day and next thing i know there's some other naked guy there. And I said, you're naked. Go to bed. Okay. Okay. That story made no sense.

Starting point is 00:42:32 I don't even remember that story. I like literally cannot even remember the story. It was like kind of a cut in. And then Sonia's like, oh, well, you just don't understand girlfriend code.

Starting point is 00:42:41 Because if you bring somebody home on the beach, you have to have sex with them on the beach and leave them there. Because otherwise, code means that if you bring somebody home on the beach you have to have sex with them on the beach and leave them there because otherwise code means that if you bring them inside then you have to have sex with them because that's what they're expecting i mean you can't just bring a guy i didn't know if she was talking about like not making the other girls mad or not making the naked probably rich guy mad who's most likely married to somebody else that ramona totally

Starting point is 00:43:02 gave a blowjob to at least in in the bathroom. Let's admit it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, this is crazy. Okay, this is crazy. I'm remembering something here, okay? Okay, well, this is really strange. Sonia, Sonia, this is what, you know what? I'm remembering, this is very strange, Sonia.

Starting point is 00:43:18 When I was a little girl, I remember there was a pigeon outside and I loved this pigeon and I'd always love to give bread to the pigeon. And one day I was like, hey, pigeon, why don't you come inside? So I brought the pigeon inside and the pigeon flew everywhere and got pigeon dirt

Starting point is 00:43:29 on all the walls, okay? And then Geraldine Parsons-Smith came in and said, what happened to the walls? I'm going to tell your father and I said, don't tell my father but she told my father

Starting point is 00:43:35 and I got in so much trouble and took the pigeon out and from this day on, I never let anything inside, okay? Everything that's outside stays outside, okay? And that goes for guys, okay? I'm sorry. Sorry. Come inside. It's day class A. I'm sorry. Okay. Everything that's outside stays outside. Okay. And that goes for guys. Okay.

Starting point is 00:43:45 I'm sorry. Sorry. It's day class A. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm so sorry. So I don't know what the big deal is, but Sonia's like, listen, if you're going to date guys on the beach, that's why it's called sex on the beach, because you have sex on the beach.

Starting point is 00:43:59 Or if they're inside, you have to have sex with them. You know, if you needed further proof that feminism is dead. Having a guy over means that you have to fuck him or you're the bad person. So does Sonia geotag all her sexual encounters? Like, oh, I just had sex on the beach. I just had sex in the bedroom. I had sex in the bedroom last night. I had sex on the inside last night.

Starting point is 00:44:22 I had sex on the inside last night. I wasn't making out. What did she say? I was wing. Oh, I was just Luann's wing. I was just her wingman. I was her wingman. I was just there to help her get laid.

Starting point is 00:44:39 Because you know how Ramona's really good at that. She's like, why? You found a good-looking man? Who are you? I don't even know you. Why are you trying to talk to this man? I'm talking to who owns this restaurant. Why are you even talking to us? Turning her back to the entire – turning her back to Luanna stealing the man.

Starting point is 00:44:51 This is what – if she doesn't steal the man, then she just cock blocks. Oh, so you're talking to my friend Luanna. Okay. All right. So what's your name? What do you do? Oh, I don't like that job. Why are you doing – you shouldn't be talking to her.

Starting point is 00:45:02 You're not successful enough. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. How tall are you? That's not tall enough. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. How tall are you? That's not tall enough. Okay. I'm sorry.

Starting point is 00:45:07 No. Do you know anyone who's died? Okay. Want to talk about that for a little bit? Okay. All right. Okay. Okay.

Starting point is 00:45:17 She's basically ridiculous and denies any responsibility in this sleeping thing. And then Sonia starts telling her all the rules of girl code, which is kind of hilarious. And I couldn't even write them down because I was like, yeah, she obviously doesn't know because she's like fucking a 10-year-old she met in a bar. So I don't know where these rules are coming from. But at least it was her own house. Well, you know that computer number three was programmed using girl code. Pickles! Maybe that's why it doesn't work.

Starting point is 00:45:47 Pickles, dictate a letter for me and then send it to ramona so then we get delivery interns coming by and they're like these hot guys uh because skinny girl of course bethany's entire storyline is buying things and then being homeless and selling skinny girls so yeah just to even be in someone else's scene that she's not even a part of, she sends over these hot guys who are there to deliver invitations to the boy meets skinny girl party. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:15 Which is, by the way, what every party in Los Angeles is like. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

Starting point is 00:46:36 in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Starting point is 00:47:01 Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

Starting point is 00:47:49 And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Starting point is 00:48:15 Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. It's called an audition. All right, Bethany. You're just testing him out on a couch? Yeah, that's okay. Just kick him out afterwards. Yeah, it's called an audition.

Starting point is 00:48:34 It's called a night at Pump, darling. So the new goal of Skinny Girl is to see if this new lime margarita thing even has enough alcohol to get young people enough to fuck old ladies. By the way, a lime margarita, isn't that the same as a margarita thing even has enough alcohol to get young people enough to fuck old ladies, which a lime margarita, isn't that the same as a margarita? Yeah. But now it's a spicy lime or something. It's like magical.

Starting point is 00:48:53 I'm yeah. Spicy lime margarita. All right. Fine. Yeah. So then we skip back to Dorinda and Carol talking about, I made you some tea. Cause I know you don't want to drink after all that stuff with your husband.

Starting point is 00:49:06 She's like, I already had a glass of wine. All right, back it up. Back up that tea. London is refined, Mr. Jetson. We drink tea here. Let's drink some tea. So... Look at the light.

Starting point is 00:49:22 Look at the light. Oh my God, the light here is amazing. Oh, it's so different here. I don't know, did they at the light. Oh, my God. The light here is amazing. Oh, it's so different here. I don't know. Did they change the light? Oh, they changed everything. Since I last got here, they've changed the fog. So, thank you, London.

Starting point is 00:49:34 Oh, thank you. Let's have the... Never mind. Never mind. I'm not even going to make a London fog joke. Carol is... Okay. It's hard to be Carol because Carol needs people to just be quiet and listen,

Starting point is 00:49:45 probably like you feel most of the time on this show. Oh, darling. She just needs people to listen, and she's trying to romanticize it. She's like, while I was writing it in my head, here I am in a stretch limousine driving through the rolling hills

Starting point is 00:50:01 of London. And Dorinda's like, oh, hills? I love the hills. Oh, I knew a girl who lived on the hill. Oh, how we laughed. Oh, London. Oh, I miss being part of this society. The hills are just gentler here, you know?

Starting point is 00:50:16 It's like it's pure. You meet someone in the hills here, and you know you have a pure relationship, like the Berkshires. So fuck everyone else, and I never say fuck, okay? And I want to write... Oh. And I want to write about how beautiful... relationship like the Berkshires. So fuck everyone else, and I never say fuck, okay? And I want to write about how beautiful and old school I like that you started

Starting point is 00:50:32 and you were like, oh, Derindabal. Sorry, let me change again. The church, how the sun shines on the windows of the gorgeous church. But I can't even write that because now it's next to Cece's pizza. She's like, oh, I knew a girl named Cece.

Starting point is 00:50:48 Oh, how we lived. She was friends with the queen. Oh, Cece, I miss you. I hope she doesn't ask me about my husband. It's like, let the woman talk everything she said. Let me tell you about Cece's pizza, okay? Richard loves

Starting point is 00:51:04 Cece's pizza. You know who loves Cece's Pizza even more? John, all right? He eats five when I have one. He loves it, and Richard loved it. He loves it, okay? So everyone just back the fuck off. Just back it up. Back it up off and back out of Cece's Pizza.

Starting point is 00:51:16 It's my pizza bar now. They had actually a really nice conversation about what they both went through when their husbands passed away. And it was actually nice. And I don't want to make fun of it. But, I mean, I have to. But when they're talking about it, it's just so, because it's so in both of their personalities, the things that they were saying. Carol's like, you know, it was so hard because I didn't even know it was really going to get him. And then, you know, we had ignored it for so long.

Starting point is 00:51:46 And then I was sitting there next to him and I didn't even want to look at him because, I mean, you know, gross cancer. So I didn't look at him when he passed. And then Dorinda's like, you see my balloon? You see my balloon? Dorinda's like, yeah, well, when my husband died, I mean, finally I slept. I was almost glad. I know that's horrible, but the well, when my husband died, I mean, finally I slept. I was almost glad. I know that's horrible, but the stress of dealing with cancer. And then Carol's like, yeah, cancer's stressful.

Starting point is 00:52:11 She's like, yeah, I finally slept because I couldn't sleep. And then I just wasn't comfortable getting so much sleep. Thankfully, I'm still waking up in the middle of the night, but John doesn't have cancer. He just rolls over on me and I think I'm dying. And then I just pretend it's a really big version of richard's balloon feeling like you're being suffocated in the middle of the night makes me feel like richard's here i miss you richard so it was actually a very beautiful uh conversation but it was it was totally beautiful and articulate and thoughtful and a really nice

Starting point is 00:52:43 moment but of course because we're assholes we're just gonna make fun of it but i just love that it's intercut with like sonia and ramona talking about how to fuck young people i know exactly um so then we go to dorinda talking about how she used to be in the high society of london again good right because when all their friends came over right and that woman trini showed up with all the feathers well they were still gossiping and blah blah blah we can just skip that because i mean it's the same thing over and over again i mean the dead husband talk really went on for like 30 minutes yeah and it was very touching and i was like i don't watch a show to be touched move it on move along yes yes um so lube okay so carol pointed out that luann was such a hypocrite she's like i really like

Starting point is 00:53:27 carol i mean god damn it i really like luann but the countess is a c word um she's like the countess is abducted luann yeah the countess is abducted luann and the countess is high and mighty and hypocrite which of of course she is, which is why we love her. And then she pointed out that on their last vacation, Luanne was the one to barge in with the camera crew into her room to try and catch her with something. Yeah. And I love that Carol said, and I remember telling her, please don't do that. I could have been masturbating. Oh, for Christ's sake.

Starting point is 00:54:05 Jesus. There's not enough Nivea in the world to get that thing back in working order. Stop the crap, all right? We don't buy it. So anyway, so then we go to the skinny girl party. Oh, yeah. Featuring Jax. Featuring, yes.

Starting point is 00:54:23 Which I didn't notice Jax. Someone on Facebook told us. I noticed him even before I saw the Facebook thing, which I guess makes me kind of special because I noticed him. No, but I saw him and I was like, oh, God, Jax is like a bartender. There were a lot of low-level celebrity cameos. Chuck Nice was in the background. Who's that?

Starting point is 00:54:41 He's like a comedian. He was on Best Week Ever. He was like the unfunny one. And then there's, of course, at one point, maybe I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but you know, while Ramona was looking

Starting point is 00:54:52 for all the hot guys, and there was this montage of her talking to quote-unquote hot guys. At one point, Constantine Maroulis from American Idol hit on her.

Starting point is 00:55:01 And he's like, hey, I'm Constantine. And of course, he is looking doughier than ever i mean he he should be at this point working at a greek diner like a singing waiter at a greek diner did he dough up yeah he doughed up i mean you knew it was gonna happen yeah he had he had like um pre-fat fit you could just tell because he was we like to call it my friend and i we like to call it fat ready he's already fat ready and now it, and now it's starting to fill in.

Starting point is 00:55:26 And he wasn't fat at all. I mean, I just remember him eye-fucking the camera so hard, and I was like, anybody that needy is going to eventually realize that they can't get the amount of love that they need from a human being, and they're going to turn to ice cream, just like the rest of us do. Or Ramona. Or Ramona. God bless Ramona. We're the guys, okay? Okay. bless Ramona. We're the guys, okay? Okay, I'm sorry. We're the guys, okay? I'm sorry, Constantine. You know, you're

Starting point is 00:55:51 a very handsome man, but I'm sorry. You're Greek and, you know, the Greeks are just, they're just lots of trouble, okay? You're all sorts of bankrupt. I need a man with money, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't care if you start the Olympics Constantine you don't have any money okay

Starting point is 00:56:10 and I need someone who has money okay it's just how I feel okay that's just how I feel so I have a question about was that Constantine the bartender she said that to you no that was somebody else right he just came up to her and was like hey I'm Constantine oh god I didn't even recognize him so I have a question.

Starting point is 00:56:25 So this Skinny Girl stuff is like dietetic versions of normal drinks, right? Yeah. So how would you make a diet Pinot Noir? You know, I don't know. I subscribe to this belief, which is that I don't like any of my cocktails pre-made in a bottle. I don't like any of my cocktails pre-made in a bottle. Yeah. So, and honestly, yeah, you could just like pour it, make a skinny girl.

Starting point is 00:56:54 But like the thing is the skinny girl margarita, the recipe is like, I forget what it is, but it's pretty simple. It's like vodka, club soda, and like a spritz of lime juice or something like that. Like it's so easy. And although I guess that's more of a vodka, vodka and soda. But anyway, the point is it's so easy to make on your that's more of a vodka and soda. But anyway, the point is it's so easy to make on your own or to make a large batch. Like spend the extra five minutes and make something that tastes better than this pre-made shit that comes in the bottle. The mix. And also the Pinot.

Starting point is 00:57:17 I don't get it. Like I don't get how you just put Pinot in a Skinny Girl bottle and it's dietetic. She probably changes like the ounces. You know how things do that they're like per serving it's less than m&ms but then per serving is like you know like 0.5 ounces instead of an hour yeah like special k does that you know you know how i know that because one time i was in ralph's and i wanted a snack and uh i like special k believe it or not and then i saw that there's special k with chocolate and i thought oh my god, oh my God, I love chocolate. Okay. So then I looked and I was like, oh my God, this has better dietary nutrition than regular special K. And I thought, how could that be?

Starting point is 00:57:52 And then I saw that regular special K was like, here are the calories and the sugars per one bowl. And then for one with chocolate chips, it was like, here it is for like a spoonful. Okay. And then I got mad. I had none of it. Okay. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:58:04 No special K for you. Okay? You know, when I was going to make a wine for Ramona, of course I drank Pinot Grigio. But the reason I won't drink Pinot Noir is because one time I was drinking Pinot when I was a child at home in the Berkshires. And my father, it was Noir outside. And he came out and he said, stop drinking, you little slut. And now I can't drink anything in the door okay by the way my special case story was a true story i just told it in ramona voice for no reason everything's better in a ramona voice okay okay uh so then we get this really

Starting point is 00:58:40 adorably horrifying clip of ramona on a date with that restaurant guy who no one ever discussed also fucked Mario's mistress. I don't know why we never got that on the air. No, it came out at the dinner party. Well, not in front of him. And not in front of Ramona. They confronted him about it, didn't they? No, they just said, oh, so you're from restaurants. You like

Starting point is 00:59:00 restaurants, right? Oh, what do you think of 20-year-old blonde girls? But they never said, oh, you're fucking the same girl mario fucked around with you know that ramona whatever no one ever brought it up they discussed it amongst themselves but not with him who would have thought the greasy owner of aoa would have banged someone else's mistress who would have thought he's even cheating on the cheating cheaters yeah so that guy's gross and uh they're having this disgusting awkward flirting it was really hard to watch and he's like yeah it's so good to have you here i ordered something wet hot and slimy ramona's like oh i don't eat hot wet

Starting point is 00:59:41 slimy things since i was a child in the barkkshire. My father undercooked a steak. Yeah, go on. I'm sorry. I interrupted your run. No, I didn't really have a run. I was going to go in a stranger place because you're like, I had an undercooked steak. In my mind, I was like, this one time I caught an eel. And I thought, oh, you know what?

Starting point is 00:59:59 Japanese people, they eat eels. And I sometimes feel Japanese, you know, because I'm very neat and I'm very organized. And I just feel like I'm very Japanese in that way. And so I thought, OK, well, I can have an eel, too. So I went to cook it and it was very slippery and slithery. And I had a very hard time and I was up all night and I had visions of that eel looking at me saying, don't kill me, don't kill me. But I killed it and I ate it. I didn't even like it.

Starting point is 01:00:18 So from this point on, I can't have anything slimy. I'm sorry. Nothing slimy. OK, I'm sorry. anything slimy i'm sorry nothing slimy okay i'm sorry so she's she's he's trying to flirt with her and make sexual jokes and she's like divorce is like mourning okay you know dorinda you know my friend dorinda and and carol they're always crying about their dead husbands and i'm like at least he died okay you don't have to see him on page six okay i'm like mourning a person who's still alive okay it's not like you have to bring to go things just in case mario comes home you know okay you're not just sitting there with

Starting point is 01:00:49 your refrigerator full and trying to remember when you brought certain things home so they don't poison anybody who else might eat them okay it's totally different okay no one understands my song okay okay okay crazy blinked crying so that was awkward ass flirting and then she said so is this a date or is this just a business meeting and he's like well if it's he's like well if it's a date then you're paying for it and then afterwards we're gonna have hot sweaty sex yeah at which point i think everyone in the audience threw up. Yeah. Pretty.

Starting point is 01:01:27 That was pretty bad. I got the reverse boner thing for sure. I felt my penis knocking into my belly button. It was like not only reverse, but it was like so reverse that it was like hard. But you know when it gets hard and then like dances around like does like a little pop up and down thing. So it was doing that. But on the inside, I felt like my M&Ms were being stirred so thanks ramona thanks for that yeah that was gross so then we we went back to um the skinny girl party oh there's more in london oh yeah now it's the

Starting point is 01:01:57 part in london that i loved because we go to london and we meet uh they had a joint party you know and some rental in lond, probably that that lady of London owns. Yeah. Caroline. Caroline. Scott. Scott. Is this your place, Scott?

Starting point is 01:02:12 Oh, no. Scott died. No, that's not the same girl. That's the Tracy Lord's girl. I know. I know. I just was making a Ladies of London reference. Oh, sorry.

Starting point is 01:02:20 Just go with it. Sorry. Sorry. I know. I was actually hoping that What's-Her-Face would show up and talk about how she was Alexander McQueen's muse. Oh, Alexander, he died also. I can mourn with you ladies. I was passing this restaurant in a car one time with Alexander.

Starting point is 01:02:39 It's so difficult to be here. Oh, look at the dreadful fashions in here. Alexander would have been horrified. I'd like to make an announcement. so difficult to be here. Oh, look at the dreadful fashions in here. Alexander, what have been horrified. I'd like to make an announcement. I'm horrified for Alexander. I'd like to order a please come back to me martini. Thank you, darling. I would like to see her. I'd like to see her

Starting point is 01:02:58 mixed with Romano. Okay. Oh my god, this lamp over here reminds me of this one time, okay, when Alexander and I went to a lamp store and he said I love this lamp over here reminds me this one time okay when uh alexander and i went to a lamp store and he said i love this lamp okay and i said i'm sorry i'm sorry this lamp has already been purchased by me okay and he said well that's good because i'm going to use it to make a dress and i was his muse i'm sorry okay but that's the truth i I'm sorry, but when I was ordering this martini, I couldn't help but stare at the olive, okay?

Starting point is 01:03:28 Because when Alexander gained so much weight that all he did was yell at all of our staff, he just looked like a little round hole, okay? Looked like a little round ball with one giant hole in it, okay? Please get this olive out of my martini. Okay. Come back to me. I'd like my martini mixed with a little bit of... Come back to

Starting point is 01:03:52 me, Alexander. Okay. I love British Ramona. Annabelle. I think her name was Annabelle. Annabelle Nielsen So they have a joint party And they invite all their old friends And of course Dorindas Are like from high society

Starting point is 01:04:13 In London And Carols are a bunch of gay dudes Yeah, hers were like, they were like 25 And she's like, oh, look at this No, I'm doing Dorinda But I can't even do it I don't know I don, no, I'm doing Dorinda. I can't even do it. You were doing Cheryl.

Starting point is 01:04:27 I don't know. I don't know what I was doing. The point is that I love that even when she was living in London, she was still trying to be that super cool young person. I only hang out with the 20-year-olds. Yeah, because those guys are young. At that point, she was just going to pick people up in front of bus stops. She's like, your mother sent me. And then what did Dorinda say?

Starting point is 01:04:51 She's like, you better back it up. A lot of all these black jackets, black leather jackets. What happened to the brown blazers? What did she want? She wanted something. I don't know. But I just love that Carol's friends were all, like, gay guys who were probably 15 when they met. And then Dorinda's friends were actual people from there, which I really liked.

Starting point is 01:05:13 They were actually all just moms and stuff, except for that lady from What Not to Wear. But I like that her friends were all ab-fab. They're like, hello, darling. Welcome home. Oh, darling. You remember your husband? Oh, that was sad, wasn't it? Oh, sweetheart. Oh, I remember what you told me when we had lunch remember after you

Starting point is 01:05:30 started dating john darling she's like you better back it up she's like i know darling you remember what you said to me you told me i'm dating this fat rich armenian darling that's what you said and dorinda's like don't say that oh Oh God. Oh. And I really liked them. I thought all of her friends were really ad fab and super fun. And I would like that to be the ladies of London. No offense ladies of London, but get rid of the Americans and bring in all English girls. I don't care if we understand them.

Starting point is 01:05:58 They're fabulous. Yeah. I agree. I think that's a great note. And then there's the friend Trini from what not to wear, which was so good. Did you know who she was? I had no idea. I didn't recognize her until they said she was from that show.

Starting point is 01:06:11 But the American version I used to watch, which was kind of sad because both of the people on it dressed like shit. That Tracy, what's her name, and then that gay guy with the long iron hair. I couldn't with that show. Well, I loved how trini just came uh she just sort of came in like like like like she just had like escaped some awful experience like a house fire so i can't stay very long i can't save it i just came to say hello you know and she has all her feathers going everywhere she sort of like brushes in and then she all of a sudden is gone for the rest of the episode i love it i love i love when women do that like they're just so goddamn busy and it's just like oh darling i'm just here holding her

Starting point is 01:06:47 gloves in her hand you know like cruella deville but with feathers i just came in to look at what the hostess was wearing darling and it turns out it's yoda and she's sitting there with a bunch of gay guys so i don't even understand this darling i've got to go gotta go bye the force may the force be with you darling please don't wear that wear that. Very cute. I liked all the English ladies. And we didn't really hear from the gays anyway. But Carol telling everybody what she's up to, she's like, yeah, well, I'm a board member

Starting point is 01:07:14 now. Oh, God. Oh, God. And her friends were just looking at her like, why would you be in service on purpose, darling? Dorinda's like, that's not high society um so what else happened here extras and pickles i don't know what i wrote i wrote sg extras and

Starting point is 01:07:34 pickles oh skinny girl oh pickles was that on the dance floor like shaking it down i was like pickles and then there were like a lot of extras and stuff and twitter people as nini would call them yeah and uh kristen arrives with josh and uh yeah bethany's like oh hey how you doing good to see you i mean i know you now i know your name i recognize you we met a few times my walls are down my walls are down thanks for coming to my event and josh is like she's like we loved you kristen's like will there be any geocaching here? Thanks. And Bethany said, had your event go? Had your event go?

Starting point is 01:08:09 I'm sorry I couldn't go. Did Ramona wear jeans? I mean, jeans. And she's like, yeah. I mean, it was really great because, you know, it was like my first big event and I had to give like a big speech and stuff. So I did it. I did it really good. I'm pretty.

Starting point is 01:08:22 I'm pretty. You know what it's like. You know what it's like to give a speech, right? Don't ask me that. If you ask me another question about me having to give a speech, I would be on the floor crying. I'd be crying on the floor in a fetal position. Walls are up again. Walls are up, Kristen. I'm sorry. You're boxed out.

Starting point is 01:08:36 I don't want to give a speech to you. I don't know you. I don't know you. I mean, if Bethany is ever honored with any kind of award, her acceptance speech is going to be like, I don't know any of you. Who are you? Who are you? Who's giving me this? Why should I take this? I don't know any of you. I'm surprised Kristen didn't have a panic attack when she saw all those boxes of Skinny Girl.

Starting point is 01:08:52 Boxed out. Boxed out. I just want to be like the bottles. Here I am again, inside a party with my friends and still outside boxes. Wait, was she boxed in or boxed out? I don't remember. She was boxed out. Yeah, okay.

Starting point is 01:09:07 I wasn't sure if she thought she was in her own box and kept away from everyone or she was boxed out from Bethany's box. No, that would have been even better. Why do you guys keep putting me in a box? All I can hear is like Muffle talking. I can't even respond because I'm in a box. Let me out of the box. Let me out. My least favorite videos on YouTube are when cats get in boxes.

Starting point is 01:09:26 I'm like, why can't I get in the box with you? At least that cat's pretty. So she was so impressed that Bethany was nice. She was like, oh, my God, Bethany was actually nice to me. Of course, no one else is here yet, so I'm all she's got. And I thought, poor thing. That's probably how she feels with Josh, too. It's like, you know, he's nice when he has no one else

Starting point is 01:09:47 to talk to, he's like, oh Kristen wow, I love you babe, great job and the second anyone else is around he's like, bye even her kid didn't want to get up for her I'm not walking come here, I'm not getting up for you, bitch poor thing

Starting point is 01:10:03 so everybody is late except for Heather, of course she's so nice i hope she doesn't get fired just because she's so nice heather uh not heather i keep getting their names mixed up the boring white girls are like the only heather's leaving heather and heather and kristen are the same to me i don't know why i don't know i know they don't look alike but they're both like stick up their ass white girls. So they kind of Heather. Heather is quitting the show. Yeah, she quit because she doesn't like how she's being represented. Holla.

Starting point is 01:10:31 She is Audi 5000. So long, Felicia. Goodbye, Felicia. So long. Farewell. Auf Wiedersehen. Goodbye, Felicia. Sincerely, Heather of Yummy Misspelled Designs

Starting point is 01:10:46 stolenfromspanx.com Bye bye, Felicity. So, no one else is on time, and finally Heather shows up, and she's like, hey mamas! Hey mamas! Oh my god, mamas, where's the other mamas, mamas? She literally was like that. She was like, mama!

Starting point is 01:11:04 And you know, by the way, she was ready to start shit. Because one of the first things she said is, where's Sonia Morgan? Where's Sonia? Oh, we don't know where she is. Oh, that's interesting. Is she drunk? Is Sonia drunk? Does anybody know?

Starting point is 01:11:16 Oh, poor Sonia. I really feel for her. She's drunk, right? She's an alcoholic. I just want to help. Has anybody seen her friend alcoholic, Sonia? I'm just saying that because I want to help her. Can anybody help our friend at this party? I just want to help. Has anybody seen her friend Alcoholic Sonia? I'm just saying that because I want to help her. Can anybody help our friend at this party?

Starting point is 01:11:27 I just want to help. Meanwhile, Sonia is like getting down. These guys are taking off their shirts. And Sonia's tooth actually comes out because she tried to rip a guy – or she ripped a guy's shirt off with her teeth. And the funny part was she was like – she's like, yeah, this – you know, he had his shirt off. You know, this hot guy wanted to take his shirt off i mean they're all over me god this hot guy with his shirt off is all over me and he cuts the guy he's like a gay guy totally yes queen yes

Starting point is 01:11:53 she's like yeah he'd love me he called me his queen sonia's so funny because that was the best part when she's like i just want you to know I ripped his cuff link off with my teeth and then my tooth fell, my tooth flew out. Oh God. And Bethany's like, oh my God, do you have someone to fix it? And she's like, oh, I've got veterinarians to do that. Well, you know what? I've been collecting skulls, you know,

Starting point is 01:12:18 I use them for parts. I'll just get a tooth off my skull. We'll just pick one of Pickle's teeth out from the skeleton I've got hidden under the bed and I'll just get a tooth off my skull we'll just pick one of Pickle's teeth out from the skeleton I've got hidden under the bed and I'll just you know have a veterinarian they've got the best glue those guys and also notice that

Starting point is 01:12:33 Sonya was wearing a headband so her fashion intern is doing her job she's like headbands are all lit and Sonya's like great I went around my head also wearing the same red dress that she's always wearing now that is like the one piece that she got designed for her collection

Starting point is 01:12:50 that she wears out all the time now. You know that smells like BO. Yeah. That's all she wears. But now it has a headband. We recognize it. We recognize it, Sonia. Yeah, Marge Simpson in her Chanel outfit. That's what that is. Too non-smoking. So, let's see.

Starting point is 01:13:05 Where's Mama's? And then Ramona, where are the men? Where are the men? And then Bethany does a wonderful... Bethany got shit-faced. Yeah, she was shit-faced. Because she was smiling. That's how you could tell.

Starting point is 01:13:15 Yeah. She was happy. She was laughing and doing impersonations of Bethany that were just so fucking good. And she's like, look, Ramona. Ramona, walls up. I mean, walls up i mean walls down walls down ramona look we found you a hot guy this guy would date you and ramona's like oh he's a bartender he's like i won't date a bartender i'm sorry you know he's a bot he's like he's making

Starting point is 01:13:36 from boston he's a bartender he's a bot all right like the guy from sorry he's a bartender like the kid from big brother big brother um so blah blah blah and then heather's like oh yeah mama's everybody's in london you know the other girls are in london i'm sure it's so room it's so i almost said emotional it's so emotional for them and then ramona's like well it would be more it would be more emotional for them. And then Ramona's like, well, it would be more emotional for Dorinda, okay? It was harder for Dorinda. Dorinda's husband had worse cancer than Carol's, okay? It's like, oh my god.

Starting point is 01:14:14 And they're like, well, Carol has ashes. Oh, yeah. That's right. That's right. She had to bring on an extra check-in. Oh, gosh. So... These ashes remind me of sunshine. What else happened here? I love when Bethany said, what was it?

Starting point is 01:14:28 She wants a model. Oh, she goes, Ramona wants a model who's 55. I mean, what the hell? We're all in Saving Private Ryan. Everyone's going to die looking. Oh, wow. We're all going to die trying.

Starting point is 01:14:43 This is our second Saving Private Ryan reference this week. Yeah. You see? Look it up. Matt will never go away. You know what? I didn't like that movie. You know why?

Starting point is 01:14:53 Because it depicted D-Day, all right? And D-Day is my least favorite day of the year. You know why? Because my name starts with an R, okay? So I like R-Day, but I don't like D-Day, all right? Sorry. I just don't like D-Day. I don't like Saving Private Ryan.

Starting point is 01:15:05 Okay. So not much else happened on this. I cannot believe we yapped about that for an hour. I know, you were like, Ben, I just hope we have enough content. I don't want to give them just a one-hour podcast. I'm like, Ronnie, we never give just a one-hour podcast. We can talk about

Starting point is 01:15:21 anything. I was. I was like, how are we going to talk about dead husbands for an hour? By the way about anything i was like how are we gonna talk about dead husbands for by the way by the way ronnie does this like once every three weeks he gets really worried that we don't have enough content i'm like we could talk about a penny on a table for an hour okay so uh proof that we could talk about anything oh yeah we are now going to go on to million dollar listing san francisco yes and we told you guys on the last podcast we now going to go on to million dollar listing san francisco yes and we told you guys on the last podcast we were going to talk flipping out and the reason that we're not is because i'm getting my bravo off the internet these days i was in a terrible accident yesterday

Starting point is 01:15:57 no just kidding i was you know i couldn't record it because i wasn't home all day yesterday so i couldn't like manually record on my computer so i was like, oh, surely it'll be posted. Nope, never posted. Why flipping out? Is there no fan who is torrenting this shit? Come on, people. I am flipping out. I am literally flipping out right now. I am flipping the bitching outing.

Starting point is 01:16:20 Flip the bitch out. All right, so milliondollar listing, San Francisco. So I wrote a bunch of notes, but my notes were sort of sporadic because there are a lot of fast scenes that cuts back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And there was a lot of stuff that wasn't that – it's not that it wasn't interesting. It's like it's not noteworthy.

Starting point is 01:16:37 Like what am I – oh, and then he showed off the en suite. Oh, my God, that guy. Like what am I supposed to say? But I will say this. We can first start talking about the um the realtors yeah let's just do an overall to start with the overall and i'll get into my notes first of all there's andrew andrew is like you know they always have like the one asshole cocky realtor he is this one's um i don't mind him that much he's cocky but it

Starting point is 01:17:00 feels a little put up he's not as bad as the ones like i hate new york the cocky ones in new york are just like over the top. New York seems too phony to me. And I know they're all phony. It's like and especially now that there's three, we can see it's paint by numbers at this point. And they're all phony. But the L.A. one felt like those. It feels like those guys are being themselves, even if the situations are set up.

Starting point is 01:17:22 And I don't know now that there's the British guys, by the way. So because i seem the same way phony baloney i wouldn't watch it yeah and you know the thing is the way you know that it's scripted and like really really scripted is that the pod buster that little like 45 second bit that they did this the one on this week's episode was row trying to like come up with a tagline or trying to like have like a button for when he sold something and he was like he was like ding ding, ding, ring the ratification bell. And they're like, that's too long. He's like, okay, what about, yes, I did it. They're like, no, do it again.

Starting point is 01:17:53 They're like, yeah. They're like, no, try again. Holy cannoli. No, already taken. Oh my fucking God, that has a curse. You know, it's like, wow, they're making a joke with the fact that they've completely scripted this show. Yeah. Well, I like that they're doing a joke with the fact that they've completely scripted this show yeah well i like that they're doing that actually they're showing the produce well they're not showing them but we're actually hearing the producers ask the questions because we're not

Starting point is 01:18:12 idiots yeah we're not idiots they're doing a lot on this show like when um on the series premiere you heard a lot of the producer because that guy justin giggles so much in his interviews but um so andrew though i remember on the first episode, he said he was like 31. No way. 31? Nope. Nope. Like 31, 32. The point is, he said he was younger than me. He's at least 10 years older.

Starting point is 01:18:36 Yeah, he is a, he's old, which is not inherently wrong, but don't lie about it. I don't have any ageism here. Look, I'm about to be older, but you know what? So what? Why deny it?

Starting point is 01:18:50 Just be 40. If you're going to be 40, be 40. Who the fuck cares? Like, it's better to be 40, like to say I'm about to be 40, because people go, oh, my God, you look so young, than to say I'm 31, and then people are like, oh, my God, have you just sat out in the sun for 31 years because you look 40? What's better?

Starting point is 01:19:08 But overall, I actually like the realtors on this show. I think that Justin, he's adorable. He seems really sweet. He laughs a lot. That's always a nice quality about someone. He's really cute and he's not as arrogant as most super short guys are because a lot of times with short guys, by the way, have a total fetish for short guys. So if there are any hot ones out there, I'm here.

Starting point is 01:19:31 But he looks little, and he kind of looks like a little leprechaun, but hot. He looks like a Greek leprechaun. It's funny because in all the print ads leading up to the show, he looks like an asshole. He's very serious, and he has that look. You're like, oh, this guy's a big asshole. And then he's like the sweetest guy. Very likable. Roe is also likable too.

Starting point is 01:19:53 He's sort of like, he's trying to make a name for himself, former party boy. Yeah, he's sort of the dumb one, but he's nice. When you contrast this with New York where you have the Swedish porn star who's just annoying, you have the Swedish porn star who is just annoying.

Starting point is 01:20:11 You have the other guy who's like overly cocky to the point where it's like, OK, you're putting on a persona for TV. And then you have the Puerto Rican dude who is like annoyingly earnest and just really annoying. They're just – they're annoying. I'm sorry. They're annoying. Yeah, I won't watch it. I like these guys. I like these guys. Even the asshole guy.

Starting point is 01:20:26 He's not too assholey. He's just a little bitch. I don't like that he's a little bitch. He bought everybody's domain name, and that's what he's holding over their head. Then he owns everybody's domain name. Well, you know, in San Francisco, that's like stealing the firstborn, you know? I'm surprised those guys didn't own their domain names i mean hello did you not hear our um discount code for host gator whatever the hell that shit was

Starting point is 01:20:52 go daddy years ago um you know um uh what was i gonna say oh so first we have rowe rowe's storyline wasn't that interesting he basically he had a stark attack apartment it was like this apartment designed by a famous architect um and i what i love about this show is how they can make massive drama out of nothing because they're showing it around it was like oh i love this love this view love this this views to die for these plant this all these fixtures are wonderful and then they're like they get the master they're like and where is there more closet space no this is all that there is it's like dun dun dun dun dun dun and he's like well artists don't worry about closet space they just worry about the art yeah that's uh not gonna

Starting point is 01:21:32 sell well maybe it did sell i don't know they all sell on this show that's that's the thing i like too about this show it's always a happy ending they're like will it work out will it work out oh it's not gonna work out oh it totally worked out yay and then Oh, it's not going to work out. Oh, it totally worked out. Yay. And then it ends. It's always happy. And then you know the – another – more evidence that's totally scripted. I was going to talk about this later is that whenever things are getting really tense at the end of the show where someone is like, I'm not happy. I'm not happy with what you've come back to me with. I'm telling you right now, if you don't get that number up, then I don't know if I can continue on with you. I just don't know what I'm going to do. I am not happy about this.

Starting point is 01:22:10 I'm like, okay, okay, okay. Let me just call them and see what I can do. And the callers are like, we need it to be higher. This is just not enough. I know you love the house. You got to get up. You got to get up. They're like, fine.

Starting point is 01:22:19 All right. This is what I'm going to do. Only because I'm your friend. All right. I'm bringing it up from 2.5 to 2.559 and 30 cents. All right. Great. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:22:28 And he goes back to the guy. He's like, I'm not happy. Well, it's going to be 2.559 and 30 cents. Well, looks like we got a deal. That is great. I'm like, you were so angry and now you're smiling. I just don't buy it. I don't buy it.

Starting point is 01:22:45 Realistically, I think you'd be like all right fine take it you know a couple of my generals about this is ro is so funny to me because he's the first that i know of like out of the closet beard wearing muslim guy to be on one not only million-dollar listening show, but on a Bravo show, I think. I mean, there was, like, that girl from Blood, Sweat, and Heels. I don't know. But, um,

Starting point is 01:23:16 this guy, they actually show his gigantic family and show what it's really like, which is awesome, because it reminds me of my lebanese family just like people everywhere it's like a hundred people at a family reunion or whatever and um i like that and i like that he's you know you know you know there's you know there's shah the sunset right well i wouldn't call them practicing muslims would you some um i mean come on i don't mean i'm surprised that she couldn't go into the front door of a church in fucking Iran

Starting point is 01:23:47 she's like what this is so sexist I'm like you know you're in Iran right you dumb bitch she's like no I'm gonna go in the front I had to sit in the back whatever you're in Iran welcome to Iran stupid but I guess maybe represented by a man then they were

Starting point is 01:24:07 in turkey by the way but anyway did they go to iran no they just got close to iran oh oh yeah they couldn't go over the border because they'd all be gone to death but i got you're like you're in iran stupid i'm like they were in turkey well whatever you're You're like in your birthplace, okay? That's so Persian, man. Yeah. My ignorance is like so in line with that show. That's so Persian! No, but I know what you're saying. It's cool to see sort of like a

Starting point is 01:24:35 to see like the Muslim faith being portrayed on TV in a non-terrorist way. And also that with all the talk of immigration and all that stuff, and we've already gone on about that, so don't worry. I'm not about to rant. I have no anger today.

Starting point is 01:24:52 But I really like the view of the old school family and then what the new school kids are like because they're raised here. Everybody's like, the immigrants do this, this, and this. And it's like, you know what? Give them a chance. They just got here. You know, everybody's like, the immigrants do this, this, and this. And it's like, you know what? Give them a chance.

Starting point is 01:25:06 They just got here. Let their kids grow up, and they'll be just as American as the rest of us, just like everybody in my family, you know? And on this show, that is very evident. It's like, he's a practicing Muslim, has his full-on beard, and he's, like, doing his call to prayer while he's waiting in the car for something and eating what looks like a ham sandwich. I'm like, there's nothing more American than that. Well, he used to be apparently not as religious because I think in the first episode, he talked about how he was like a partier and he was like a B-boy who'd breakdance and everything. And there were pictures of him when he didn't have the beard when he was younger. And he was like really hot.

Starting point is 01:25:43 But then he like found religion and now he's religious but um i love that he doesn't know words like he's always trying to grow his vocabulary but he uses all the words wrong and it's very funny like it's ratification day what what are you talking about ring the ratification bell or when in one episode because i watched a couple on the plane too he was talking about he's like i mean they're just matriculating isn't what he said i don't know what he used he's like they're just matriculating and then the producers are like uh what is that and he's like you know socializing and then they made him look it up and it was nothing like that yeah but i like him because he's kind of um he's kind of a bimbo and I think it's cute.

Starting point is 01:26:25 Yeah. I like him. Yeah. So the storyline, there was obviously three stories going on this week, but the only one

Starting point is 01:26:32 that I really cared about was Justin, who has a new client. His name is Alan and he's dentist to the stars. And he's also, I'd like to add,

Starting point is 01:26:44 the creepiest dentist in San Francisco. This guy was just staring. He basically wanted to fuck Justin the entire time. The only reason why Justin was hired was because he wanted to just get in Justin's pants. He wanted Justin to do things to him very, very, very badly. He's gross, and he's also gross as a person. He's like, oh, look, that's what Taylor Swift gave me.

Starting point is 01:27:06 Oh, did I tell you I got a birthday card from the royal family? That Prince Charles loves his shoebox greetings. I'm like, shut up, queen. I know. He's like, I got a Christmas card from Prince Charles. Well, you know what? Prince Charles, there's probably like a mailing list. And he writes his signature.

Starting point is 01:27:21 And they just print it all out. And it goes out to like a few thousand people around the world, which is still cooler than the, you know, people who didn't get it. But it's really it's not that personal. He probably doesn't remember who you are at all. You just got onto a list and you basically got something from a printing press. That's what you got. So just back it up. Camilla, darling, bring me a quill.

Starting point is 01:27:43 So Prince Charles is like, Camilla, darling, bring me a quill. I need to write a shoebox greeting to that lovely homosexual, orange-faced homosexual in San Francisco, America. And I want to tell him, thank you, thank you, thank you for showing me your old person's home. Like, what the hell with that place? It's like peach-colored with, like, old people things everywhere. And he's like, watch that. I got that comforter from the royal family. It's like, colored with like old people things everywhere and he's like watch that i got that comforter from the royal family it's like oh shut up shut up shut up yeah exactly and then when and when justin was showing it around he's like yeah my clan actually installed this wayne scotting i'm like oh so alan is actively pursuing some sort of like mrs peacock role play that's what's

Starting point is 01:28:23 happening here he wants his place to look as old lady-ish as possible. And I love how they try and upsell the views every time they talk about it. They're like, okay, sure the place looks like it was decorated by a golden girl. But, you know, look at the roof deck. It's beautiful. I mean, you can see Alcatraz.

Starting point is 01:28:42 Every place you can see Alcatraz. Every place on this show they're like, and look, you can see Alcatraz. Every place you can see Alcatraz. Every place on this show, they're like, and look, you can see Alcatraz. Which place can you not see Alcatraz from? Mom, we can see the prison. We can see the old prison. Like, wow. But then I love that he has a private showing. And then there's a kid spraying fruit um like fruit juice on the uh on the

Starting point is 01:29:06 carpet which obviously the producer told the kid to squirt it but you know what what bothered me was not that the kid was doing it what bothered me was that the kid was like drinking from something called like honest kids grapefruit juice or whatever it's one of those annoying like san francisco whole foods shark tanky things i was like get it out of here with that stupid pouch Get your Capri Sun be a real kid Yeah and also he had the typical moms He has two moms and they're like Okay just run around with your Capri Sun In this fancy apartment that we don't own

Starting point is 01:29:34 Oh you don't mind if our dog just runs around do you Like lady You can impose your non-rules Wherever you are but in society Your dog is on the leash and your fucking kid Is in your hand okay yeah exactly so then later on

Starting point is 01:29:50 Justin goes over to see Alan because Justin's whole thing is that he wants to get this listing posted on MLS which is I think some directory for realtors and he goes up to the rooftop and they're like it looks like a luncheon is set up

Starting point is 01:30:05 there's like 20, there are two tables with 20 seats place setting set up and Alan's like oh my good friend Kathy Hilton's showing up for brunch I'm like why do you have 20 is this like an awards reception why are there so many

Starting point is 01:30:21 why are there so many places set up but then he mentioned Kathy Hilton's name so many times in the span of like 10 seconds. He's like, oh, excuse me, Justin. Kathy Hilton is here. Excuse me. Let me just go downstairs to get Kathy Hilton. My good friend Kathy Hilton is downstairs. I don't want to keep my good friend Kathy Hilton here.

Starting point is 01:30:37 Oh, Kathy Hilton, welcome. Come to the roof. Kathy Hilton, why don't you come on over here? Justin, this is Kathy Hilton, my friend. My friend Kathy Hilton. Not to be confused with my friend Prince Charles. This is this is Kathy Hilton, my friend. My friend Kathy Hilton. Not to be confused with my friend Prince Charles. This is my friend Kathy Hilton. No one can wear a terrible outfit

Starting point is 01:30:50 that doesn't fit her properly like Kathy Hilton. Come on in, Kathy Hilton. Meet everybody, Kathy Hilton. Welcome to the Kathy Hilton lunch table, y'all. I love that everybody acts like Kathy Hilton's actually done something, and she's not just like the madam of the chick who blew a load on the internet, or who swallowed a load on the internet and got famous what did kathy hilton

Starting point is 01:31:07 ever fucking do why is she why does anybody care i don't get it she was on a failed reality show on nbc that's it kathy hilton does nothing here's what she does she keeps her mouth quiet for the most part which makes her seem classy by comparison to her half sisters well the bitch knows how to sell children i'll give her that much. Yeah. So then Alan and Justin, she's like, well, why have we not sold this house? Because she's like an Alan enabler.

Starting point is 01:31:32 She's like, $4 million, that's a steal. And she's like, well, why hasn't this been sold? And Justin's like, well, we just haven't been able to get a lot of showings. We really need to post it on MLS. And then Alan's like, well, I just haven't been able to get a lot of showings. We really need to post on MLS. And then Alan's like, well, I don't want people coming through my home. I'm like, this isn't the White House. No kidding.

Starting point is 01:31:52 This house can only be improved by people coming through it. If they get mud on the carpet, it's hiding the fact that it's like off the Golden Girls set. Okay. Yeah. That honest kid's grape juice actually improved the carpet. Yeah. Someone's going to come in there and be like, well, it's ugly, but at least it smells grape flavored. I'm in.

Starting point is 01:32:08 I'll take it. Four million. You've got it. He's like, the only people I want coming through are Kathy Hilton and her shoes. And anyone that Prince Charles knows. Yeah. I don't want any of those commoners in there. I only want Kathy Hilton

Starting point is 01:32:25 you know she's not a commoner she's just a woman who has a daughter who had a sex tape and a son who's been in jail for drugs so most of this was just showing houses and stuff but I loved when they showed the gay couple the gay guy's about to get married

Starting point is 01:32:40 so they showed him and his fiance that conversation was so funny he's like well babe we need conversation was so funny he's like well babe we need to plan the wedding he's like babe i'm not sure because there's like stuff that we haven't experienced yet he's like what do you mean he's like well you like have the experience like were you like dated girls and i haven't experienced that yet like what if i want to do that babe he's like uh so you want to experience vagina and he's like yeah maybe i mean like you did it it's just like seems unfair like i mean it's gonna be hard to take vows when like everything's unfair

Starting point is 01:33:16 what is this conversation like that just it just goes to show that and Andrew must be so unappealing that even his fiance is like, you know, I want to reconsider women. I am a flaming gay man, and you are so unappealing that I'm actually thinking of going to a vagina. I'm going to tape a Popsicle stick to my penis so it stays hard, babe. And then I'm sticking it in a vagina unless you give me my domain name back. Okay? And then I'm sticking it in a vagina unless you give me my domain name back. Okay? He's like, I can't believe that you would rather sleep with a woman than me and my youthful 31 years of age, which I am.

Starting point is 01:33:58 You know who that guy is just like? And I don't mean personality-wise, but his mannerisms and the way he talks and the way he kind of wink. Like, he does this wink. It's not a twitch, but like a wink thing when he talks and he does this when he's annoyed he like does a quick eye roll and talks out of the side of his face his mannerisms are just like your friend ryan just like him i cannot stop seeing him now and he doesn't look like him it's just his mannerisms watch it next time you'll totally see it. They talk just the same. So anyway, what else happened? So basically, Alan and Justin had dinner. And Alan said that the reason why he didn't want to put the listing on MLS is because he didn't want people to know that Justin was his realtor.

Starting point is 01:34:38 Which really proves that he was hoping to have some sort of sexual detente with this guy. He wanted to be sexed up by Justin and then drop him to the curb. And no one would ever know that he was his realtor. So then Justin was like, well, I can't have you as a client. I'm sorry. If you're not going to let me do my job, I can't have you as my client. Which means the next episode, Alan's going to call up and be like, oh, you know, I've been thinking about it. And I think I want it on MLS.

Starting point is 01:35:04 And then they're going to go through the whole rigmarole again. And there's going to be an open house. And then there's going to be a and be like, oh, you know, I've been thinking about it, and I think I want it on MLS. And then they're going to go through the whole rigmarole again, and there's going to be an open house, and then there's going to be a thing at the open house, and then there's going to be a vase of flowers that needs to be put on the counter. And then Andrew's going to show up, and what's Andrew doing in my open house? I can't believe this.

Starting point is 01:35:14 And now we're going to come in at 3.2, but we're putting it up for 4.something. Yeah, basically. I just like seeing the pretty apartments and seeing, like, weird, you know, just, like, the weird apartments and seeing like a weird you know um just like the weird idiosyncrasies of each town like being excited that you see the prison and stuff like that like yeah and i like seeing san francisco on yeah it's pretty cool and i like the guys on it i'll probably watch it again i don't know that we need to talk about it every

Starting point is 01:35:39 week yeah we'll talk about it if we need to if we need to plug it in i mean we are definitely we are in the dog days of bravo summer uh i mean even odd mom out is going off the air next week so i mean i don't we are running out of content but we will always find the scraps i mean we'll have to start covering watch what happens at this rate uh well some good shit happens on there apparently because some of the best stuff is coming out of there like that megan pink haired rant against other people and, like, being a bitch, and then everyone's, like, turning on her on Twitter about her pink hair.

Starting point is 01:36:10 You know, like, some fun stuff happens. I mean, all we do is make fun of stuff. It's not like we have to be respectful. Keep poking. Keep poking at me, Meghan. Keep it up. These judgy eyes are going to go find their coat, Meghan, Miss 30-year-old.

Starting point is 01:36:23 Meghan? Meghan? Judgy eyes. So that pretty much wraps us up, eh? Do you have anything else to say, Bean? I have nothing. I mean, we've had singing. We've had crying. Oh, yeah. That was our Bravo Music Day. That feels like days

Starting point is 01:36:39 ago. I know. It was. So just keep on listening because those songs will be posted right after we press stop on the Skype. So stay tuned and anybody who has Bravo links to new leaks, please keep sending them to us.

Starting point is 01:36:56 We love listening to them. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens for our bonus episodes. I think our next bonus is going to be us watching the previews of a bunch more Bravo shows coming up like Manzo to Children and Toddy for the Party and Workout New York or whatever

Starting point is 01:37:11 because we really like doing that live trashing of stuff together. So we'll probably do that for the bonus next week. So go there to find those. It's patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Thanks everybody for supporting us and we will see you Tuesday. We'll talk to you next Tuesday.

Starting point is 01:37:28 Bye everybody. Bye. Bye. Listen up girls. Class is in session. If you were to party, eating dinner as a guest, would you speak behind the hostess back to bang the hired chef?

Starting point is 01:37:44 No. Your friend brings home a pirate that looks like Johnny Depp. Did you go for sloppy seconds without missing a step? No. We could be a team. Share lipstick and tanner. Life would be a scream You just need simple manners Girl code Girl code Girl code Girl code

Starting point is 01:38:18 Swim, go party, pinky swear Fighting all the billionaires Pinky, drinking, riding, limousines. Just remember, darling, you're a princess, I'm a queen. Hiddling on a beach while we're on a fat vacay. Do you ignore the friend who brings a plate of basil au fonce? No. You're carrying

Starting point is 01:38:36 the title across the desert sand. Do you try and buckle off and make her look like a fool in front of the women who are only here because she blamed this trip? No. But a camel would, apparently. Not girl code camel. We could rule the world Keep the T-Rex wild We're a vermin's girl

Starting point is 01:38:57 Just don't cross the counter, child. Girl code, girl code, mama Girl code, girl code, mama child girl girl cold girl cold mama cold girl cold girl cold girl cold mama giggles chanting

Starting point is 01:39:09 caviar teamed up and the world is ours diamonds beaches younger men and glitter

Starting point is 01:39:14 sister friend until the end or fill a map on twitter about a girl's back she'll be there when you tumble

Starting point is 01:39:18 cross her don't come back she's ready for a rumble lunch brunch happy hour party like me

Starting point is 01:39:22 on new york bff until you eat your salad with the dinner board. Be cool. Don't be all right. Uncool. Uncool. Google.

Starting point is 01:40:05 40 to 50 negative thoughts a day. Who would have thought I could have reached this beautiful place? David, David, David, David. Oh, hey, Miss 30-year-old. David, David, I start cherries. David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David. Judgy Ice. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger, Slicing, driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza.

Starting point is 01:41:02 Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash wait for it comedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you. To the insurance company that spurned me,

Starting point is 01:41:22 our time together has come to an end. It's not me, it's you. We both know what I'm talking about. Fifteen minutes ago, I began courting GEICO. It was just the easiest thing I've done since buttering my biscuit at breakfast. Not only have I saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance, but also the future tears you were sure to impose. My heart and my coverage now belong to GEICO. Sincerely, not yours, Tara in Telluride.

Starting point is 01:41:46 GEICO. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.

Watch What Crappens - #207: Dusty the Practical Joker PLUS 2 NEW Housewives Singles!

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.