Watch What Crappens - #209: Crucify Me, Okaaay?

Episode Date: August 6, 2015

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog, Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) talk the fashion show and Beth cheating rumors on Real Housewives of New York before moving over to LA to discuss Flipping Out. Ejoy, okaaaay? Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode of Watch What Crappens was brought to you by premium subscribers Claudia Catalina and Christy Doherty. We love you, girls. Now on to the show. Come gather round and make fun of his voice A podcast about Bravo

Nothing runs with Bravo But that's okay We only care about Bravo Watch what crap is Watch what crap is Who cares what happens When there's so much that crap is What happens

What happens What happens What happens Watch what crap is Watch What Crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Hello, Ronnie. I am cold brewed. I've drunken about an inch of my Starbucks cold brew. So, you know, in about 20 minutes, things are going to get real exciting over here. You know that Peter from Atlanta is so excited there's a cold brew, so he has to make even less effort. He's like, it's all cold brew. 70 cents more.

It's just like Senka stirred around in ice water. So everybody, thank you so much for listening. Today we're talking Real Housewives of New York flipping out, which is a new one for us and we're going to go over some ladies of London preview action but first

let's plug stuff come to our patreon.com slash watch what crappens page if you'd like to support this podcast and be a premium subscriber

you'll get bonus stuff like bonus episodes that are every week you'll get a party where we just hang out on video chat. And that's happening next week. So that'll be fun. And there's ringers.

The July and August ringers both posted today. So those are all up. And we're going to start only putting up ringers for three months at a time. So this week we're going to leave them all up. So if you want all of the ringers since last October, which is crazy that we've been doing it on Patreon for this long.

We've been together so long, Patreon. But if you want all those ringers, go to patreon.com slash watch what crap happens and get them now because starting next week, there will only be a backlog of three months available at it. So I'm all right then.

You can find us on Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens if you want to talk shit with us and other listeners. There are really good threads there. So please go and post there if you'd like. Post us articles you may want us to talk about, et cetera, et cetera. Don't be a moron. And what else, Ben? I think that's it, right?

Oh, come to WatchWhatCrappens.com if you want to follow our personal links. Yeah. There are great personal links. And by the way, thanks to everyone who has been trying to help the Shannon Bedore song on iTunes hit number one. Unfortunately, things went in the wrong direction, and it's at 82 at the moment. But Ronnie's is at 50, and it's at 82 at the moment. But Ronnie's is at 50, so that's on the climb. But we'll make these songs available.

It was 19 yesterday, so mine fell to you, Bean. There's only so many times you can download a song called Girl Code without just wanting to kill yourself. This is kind of true. But if it's any consolation we're not the only ones who who deal with these like rapid up and downs uh we talked about um the big brother was a big brother gossip show i'll get the right the right name of it uh he was a big brother gossip show big brother gossip show he wrote on our wall he's like hey thanks for like the mention on the other the other day like you know it's he also has the same theory that like basically us the the indie podcast bust into the top 10 and itunes just shoves us down again so well i don't think we're

considered indie because we have a network i mean we may not we're not much but we're not indie man let me how about this the unprofessional ones although i don't want to speak about big brother goss's professionalism. I haven't heard of that. I think when it comes to professionalism, this podcast may not be at the top of the rankings. Somewhere between our homemade garage band songs and our C-word jokes. It's okay. I'll take it.

It's a life. It's a life worth living. That's right. would say that i would say that for sure i have no idea why i need to talk in a real housewives of melbourne accent every time we do the show but god i miss that show and i was reading an article about and um i love the daily mail i talk about it all the time because they post Housewives links that show up on Twitter. And that's the only reason I ever really read it. And then, of course, it goes into like war articles and stuff like that. Yeah. But I just love that New York or that Real Housewives articles are basically like, we have a huge article.

And then you get there and they're like, look at what people said on Twitter. That is not an article, especially for you, Daily Mail. Yeah. But anyway, they were like, huge fight with Gamble and Pedoflur. And so I was like, oh, my God, got to read it. Got to read it. So I went and they're just being rude to each other in interviews. Like, thanks.

Were you flipping freaking out? I was flipping out, bitch nozzles. Yeah. It was like, well, pedoflo is mean. And she's like, that girl is stupid. And I was like, that's great. Thanks. Glad I clicked this.

Well, if it's any consolation, I believe that the podcast that was number one when we were trying to push for Shannon Bedore, the number one, the artist behind the number one TV and film podcast was Wolf Pop The real one? Wolf Pop Oh, what's that? What's Wolf Pop?

I don't know, but Wolf Pop has a podcast called I Was There Too Oh my god, I want a podcast with Wolf Pop Oh, Wolfie This is me, Wolf Pop podcast called i was there too oh my god i want a podcast with wolf pup be like oh this is me wolf pup i'm here to talk about what happened today today gabriel ate a fingernail and then when she tried to make a pee pee she cut her butt and that's it for the wolf pup podcast thanks for listening i love you i love you darling and thank you for accepting me my son that's all and the reason why the podcast is called

I was there too is because then inevitably in the middle of the podcast Gamma goes I was there too I was there too and we were just swimming I didn't have sex with everybody Wolf it was a very successful podcast and I was there too

for the podcast. Thank you for listening to the Wolf Podcast. I'd just like you to know that my wife, Gamble, has not had sex with the entire neighborhood, and right now she's putting mustard on a fingernail. Thank you for listening to the Wolf Podcast. I'm going to soothe you for level. This has been Wolf Pop. I was there too, Wolfie.

Yes, darling, we know. We finished lunch. I was there, Wolfie. I was there. Oh, Wolfie, remember when I was there? Because I was there, Wolfie. Wolfie. So let's open the show today by talking about Gamble someie. Wolfie.

So let's open the show today by talking about Gamble some more. Just kidding. We're just going to talk about nothing that's really happening in the world. I know. By the way, Wolf Pop Podcast, or I Was There Too, this has nothing to do with the content of your podcast. These are just inside jokes about the Real Housewives of Melbourne. So don't be mad. They're not listening, Ben, all right?

Oh, they're not. Well, they've already dropped to number 12. See, that's the thing. They go from number 1 to number 12. We go from number 5 to number 82. Something's up. Something is up. It's a conspiracy.

Let us – oh, wait. What else happened with Kim Richards this week? I feel like something went down. Hold on. She shoplifted. She went to prison. We didn't talk about this, but Angie Thomas. We love Angie. When are we going to have her back on?

I was just on Angie's podcast, Deep Thoughts, and I had a really fun time. So people listen to that if you want to. But what I was going to say was that Angie sent us a link from a few days ago about the Kim Richards landlord is, I think he's suing her.

She apparently, when she left her $4,000 a month rental in Van Nuys, it was a total disaster. It was completely trashed. There were cockroaches. It was like a crackdown. The cockroaches were all fucked up. They're like, not only did you leave us cockroaches,

but they are still partying and looking for meth on the floor of the bathroom. Like, ah, mother like daughter, right guys? The cockroaches are probably doing like a conga line. They're so happy that she's gone. The roaches are probably like so mortified after being yelled at at their wedding. They're probably like, all right, listen up, everybody. It's this cockroach wedding. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you and your mom, too, all right? Cockroaches are like, well, you know what they say about Kim Richards? When you see one like her, there's like a thousand. There's a thousand you don't see. Well, hey, look, it's a diet plan.

You go, Kim. I love the idea of Kim Richards at a cockroach wedding. Hey, cockroach. It's not a say thank you. It's a beautiful wedding. The past hors d'oeuvres are wonderful. But why is everything so small? I can't fit on this pew.

Hey, you're calling me drunk? Why don't we talk about your husband, that guy whose antennas are always wobbling around and going every which way. You want to talk about that? Let's talk about your gay cockroach husband. Hey, cockroaches, when we're doing the electric slide, that's the best part, the wedding. You know what no one knows about cockroaches? They don't work together. They're not like ants. I mean, ants will carry stuff.aches? They don't work together. They're not like ants.

I mean, ants will carry stuff. Cockroaches don't do anything. You're lazy, cockroaches. Hi. Hi, when's everyone going to stop and pay attention to the video montage I made for the cockroach money? I've been videoing it. I made a cockroach iMovie montage. Listen, it's getting loud in here.

I don't want to call a raid, all right? That's the last thing I need over here. So just quiet down, cockroaches. Listen, I have a bone to back, okay? I know there are a lot of people that came in from out of town for this cockroach wedding. And they're all staying at the Roach Motel. And I want to know, why was I not offered a room there?

I'll stay on the couch in Amelia's room. Alright, cockroaches, carry that message back to your queen. Oh, I forgot you don't carry things. Jesus. Keep good help around here. Yeah, there's no cockroach. This is a terrible cockroach wedding.

No one's even made a toast yet. I want to make a toast. Fuck you. Fuck you. I'm serving the drink. I found a little tiny cup of a roach margarita on the ground. So maybe I drank it. I don't remember.

This is a terrible wedding. You know what? You know who had a good wedding? Robert Shawn Letter. That was a wedding. You cockroaches could have learned from him. He was big. The only reason I went to this stupid poor person wedding is because roaches have such good brand recognition.

I can't believe you guys are poor. What the heck's the point? Get out of my house. She's going to blame the rent. She's going to blame the rent. She's going to blame the rent not being paid on the cockroaches being too lazy to pay it. I told them to pay rent. Oh, you can't put me in jail. Landlord rights. Listen, I called Crispin Glover.

He's going to send me a check. Crispin. Hey, Crispy. That's going to send me a check. Crispin. Hey, Crispy. You know when they came out with pop chips, I thought, God, he sure missed the train. Poor Crispin. Alright. Sweet bog. God bless her heart.

Little thing stealing in a Target. Bye, Kim. Love ya. We'll see you soon on E! Alright, let's check out this Ladies of London. This sounds nothing like Melbourne, so we can't impersonate anybody for at least five weeks. Well, my British accents are fucked now.

I can't do British accents anymore because I've been doing Melbourne accents for so long. I used to never be able to do Australian ones because they'd always end up British, but now I'm so committed to learning the Melbourne accents, a.k.a. in quotes, because I definitely have not, that now I can't do a British accent. Everything is just a mess. I just have to go squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt. That was my favorite joke.

And then he goes and commits suicide. And now it's tasteless to make that joke. No, it's not. I still joke about skin chandeliers, and I started doing it the day after Russell hung himself. So hang yourself. Yeah. All right. Ready? ready i'm gonna press play okay wait let's get to three one one two three three oh wait do it again oh damn it hold on let me rewind it let me the play button disappeared you know how it does that you don't have the controls you know of course like the moment like whenever you want to watch the video the controls stay up there for like 20 seconds. But the moment you want to press play, they disappear.

Ready? Yeah. One, two, three. On this season of Ladies of London. Oh, we're actually in sync. News is so different in London. Oh, Alexander. Oh, Alexander, I'm walking again.

With the gun. The only way of getting into Christian society is to be born into it. Oh, Alexander. Oh, Alexander, I'm walking again. With the gun. The only way to get into Christian society is to be born into it. I'm surprised that pissy lady is there. Oh, no, the American's back. You're putting your place on the guest list. Is that a new American? It's a new, like... I feel like there's a lot more...

Oh, my God, is that Reese Witherspoon? London can smell a social climber a mile away. We can smell a social climber a mile away. Bummer, exactly. We can smell a social climber. They smell like inexpensive crackers. Oh, they make the... I think the friend of the ladies looks like she's a cast member now. They're like, hey, that girl gives a lot of jazz hands and she has a castle.

Hire her. Where's Noelle? I guess she's not on it anymore. Welcome home. Well, Noelle, don't fire Noelle. Lord knows she's not on it anymore Welcome home Noelle, don't fire Noelle Lord knows she needs a job, y'all Ask a friend now School

Our lady Did she say she was Swedish? Yeah I just took a massive dig at you I just took a massive dump I just straddled my husband Good for Tori Spelling Caroline's dressed as a brony Oh, ugly cry. Looks like Tori Spelling.

Caroline's dressed as a brony. Annabelle's like slanted face. Just like Alexander would have wanted. Oh no. Tori Spelling on a hibachi grill. I would love to go into business together.

I think we'd eat everything. British society is cutthroat. Once you're on the top, there's nowhere else Tori's spelling on a hibachi grill. British society is cutthroat. Once you're at the top, there's nowhere else to go but down. Too bad you're not at the top, darling. You've still got some climbing to do, darling. This isn't going to end well for me in any scenario. You're getting good at this. You were so awesome today. It's just like a lot of Naomi Campbell.

It's like a lot of just like kissing and... This is the best day of my life! Frolicking. It was like a thoroughly, thoroughly polite show. I don't know what even happened to that, but now I'm watching a Tide Pod commercial. Are people really too fucking lazy to pour some detergent into the washing machine? You gotta have it in a pod now.

Get out of here, lazies. So, you know what I just realized with that trailer? There were no Caprice. Which one was Caprice? to have it in a pod now get out of here lazies so you know what i just realized that trailer there were uh no caprice which one was caprice caprice was the american who would sometimes speak a little british she was the one who was like i'm having a baby and uh oh my god i had more press than kate middleton the girl from vh1 she's like yeah I'm too famous for this show, and the ladies are jealous because I've been on VH1. And they're just jealous

of me because I'm famous. Oh my god, I beat Kate Middleton. Shocker. Send a sorry card to Kate because we're in Britain, and I need to be polite. So Caprice is gone, and so is Noelle. Those babies probably came out and immediately strangled her hag ass.

They were like, we will not be raised by you! Yeah. And, like, go back to Yerba Linda, Caprice, or wherever she's from. Yerba Linda. I think she was. I think she was from, like, Yerba Linda, or, like, some random... Tustin. Or Rancho Santa Fe.

So basically, this season of Ladies of London, nothing happens. Like the last season. Can't wait! Yeah, they had like... I don't know if people could hear it, but there was one thing that looked kind of like a fight. When the really prissy one was like,

if you're going to call me a bitch, call it to my face face or something like that. And that looked like it was the most intense thing that happened. No, and also Annabelle was eating dinner or something with curve bangs. I don't understand. Okay, like, you know how when curtains, it looked like how when you put up a curtain, like you tie back a curtain, and they're kind of like draped. I don't know. They weren't easy.

They weren't easy to look at. And they're kind of like draped. I don't know. They weren't easy. They weren't easy to look at. But maybe Alexander just taught her how to cut her own bangs or something. So she's refusing to go to Supercuts these days. It's her way of honoring Alexander. But she was modeling in a tunnel that wasn't leaky.

And she also was shooting a gun. So, you know, back on the horse, as they say, darling. Well, you know, she's just very rock and roll like Alexander. That's why she has all her furniture is granny furniture. Very rock and roll, darling. We see her wearing a horse coat later in the season. She's like, I killed

that horse. It's what Alexander would have done. Nobody bucks off Alexander's muse. Oh my god, I'm gonna drink this tea like a rock star. This is, I'm such a rockstar with this old lady tea right now. Alexander would love it. I can't even read a

Gallop poll anymore, darling. I have no idea who's winning anything anymore. It's what Alexander would have wanted. I forgot she got thrown off that horse. That was so much. I'm sorry, that shit was hilarious. Oh, yeah, it was.

Especially because all season long, she's like, I can't wait to get back on the horse. You know, I love horses. They're so majestic. Oh, my God, I can't watch you do this. And she gets on it. She's like, oh, no. I'm training so hard.

It's difficult not riding a horse for years. And then suddenly riding... Oh, damn it. People only care if it's Superman, I suppose. You have to be a hot american for anybody to give a crap poor thing um yeah so that looks fun i they made the friend of the housewife who owns the castle as we screamed about over the thing it looks like she's back and it looks like she's crazy and i don't know how they figured that out because she was so not crazy last year. She's like, hello, everybody.

Here's the living room. All right. Now let's go to the drawing room. Oh, look, it's Granny. Hello, Granny. And she's like, hello. That was wonderful. I just wanted to kill myself.

And then Juliet's like, do you guys got any bacon? And this year, that friend of she now has like manic panic in her hair and she's crying and she's like i work so hard i'm like no you don't yeah you do not work so hard no one on the show works hard at all maybe caroline a little bit but no one works hard at all trying to get your gay husband hard isn't a job all right juliet they showed gay husband he's like girl i was like whoa he's come even further. Now that gay marriage is legal in America, I guess they just figured they can get away with it everywhere, Tony.

Well, I'm looking forward to it coming back. I'm excited for some British accents. And in the meantime, we have the royalty of New York City that we can talk about. In America, society is cutthroat. I mean...

By the way, that was pretty... I think that was a little too soon for Caroline to say that, you know, like, it's so easy to fall, you know, from high society. I mean, Scott! Scott! She's like, I have been buying gifts for rich people

for years, and let me tell you what it's like being at the top. Darling, you're a personal shopper, okay? You're not at the top. The people you're shopping for aren't even at the top because they wouldn't need a personal shopper. They get shit just brought to them from places, alright? They don't have to have people buy them things.

That's what I think being rich is like. You just sit there and people bring you stuff and like, hand you babies if you want a baby. Like, here's my baby if you want. Yeah. Yeah. That's and that's how, you know, Caprice wasn't rich because she had to have her own babies. Oh, God.

That was talk about a geriatric pregnancy. My God. I'm surprised Hume Cronin and Jessica Tandy didn't pop out of there. She had that weird thing where she had the the the surrogate had the baby, but then she was having a baby, too. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah. She had, like, a...

Oh, yeah. That's right. She had a rental oven and then, like, a reg. Like, the home oven. Yeah. So she had to go out to, like, fly back home to Rancho Cucamonga. They both had their babies. It's so hard being back where everybody knows me.

Oh, God. their babies it's so hard being back where everybody knows me oh god everyone in placentia knows me it's so hard whenever people ask me if i'm gonna eat my placenta i say no i have no desire to eat my hometown those people love me. Listen, I am just very big in La Cañada, Flintridge, okay? I will be at the Indian Casino on the 101 and the 99 all week. Bring your buckets of nickels, girls. I'll sign any nickel you put in front of me. I just am so excited to go home, have my babies,

and walk through the halls of Morongo Casino with everyone wanting to touch me again. I can't wait until my babies are old enough to ask me for my autograph. It's so hard going to Subway in and downy everyone just wants a piece of me that jared picture won't stop staring at me which has which makes me feel really young so it's kind of cool that's part about going to the subway of garden grove

i love that you have like a list of every la i'm like mentally going through all well because the thing is is all the suburbs in la are hilarious sounding you really are because they're all named after like spanish things but nobody will pronounce them that way even the mexicans are like well you got to take la c and they got to the it's like no stop that's how you pronounce it. Or what's the worst one that people say? Santa Monica, they say, right? Los Feliz.

Oh, that makes me crazy. Los Feliz. And they're like, oh, this is not how you say it, stupid. I'm like, oh, God, I know. Jesus. Damn white people taking over the Mexican culture. I will not stand for this. No.

I will sit quietly. All right, let's talk, Ben. You've got to keep me on track today. I'm out of it. I'm like staring. I'm out of it too. I'm cleaning my nails right now with nose hair clippers,

so I hope that explains anything. I'm feeling a little kooky right now. So New York City, Real House is in New York City. The episode begins with Heather and Carol having drinks. They're talking about Carol's trip. I have to say, this is a positive comment. I thought Heather looked fantastic in this scene.

Did you notice that? I was like, wow, she looks great. She would have been great in the time where there was only candlelight. It may have helped that the lighting was basically, like, red and black and very dim. But she looked great. She's like, hi, so good to see you, mamas. And Carol's like, yeah, I'm wearing plaid to a fancy place because that's what the kids are doing these days. Don't question me, mother.

Heather's like, tell me about picking up your dead husband. Oh, by the way, I have to say an apology, a public apology. Because last week I read that tweet from Carol's book, the tweet of a picture from Carol's book. I'm making no sense, I know. But anyway, I was talking about how Carol talked about in her book already scattering the ashes. And then it was explained very politely to us this week that normally when people die and they're cremated, you scatter some of the ashes and then you keep some of the ashes. Right. I didn't know.

I didn't know that either because I base all my knowledge of ashes being poured somewhere on, of course, Milu's ash ceremony. Remember when Sonia poured scattered milu's ashes yeah they were everywhere why didn't i don't just like a cloud it was like the second coming of 9-11 it was just like yeah remember and they walked away and they all started like peeing on trees milu milu's inside of us Very proud ashes Very proud ashes But I wonder why when she dumped Meeloo Carol wasn't saying You need to put half of that in a Ziploc bag

Or you're not going to have an excuse To take a trip in a few years Can you imagine Sonya's like Alright, who wants to come with me To the Staten Island ferry stop I'm picking up the rest of Meeloo You know, Meeloo's a very popular dog you know i have to i have to scatter his ashes all over the place you know they they've been asking for his

ash in san trope they love his ash in san trope milu saw me suck my first dick in saudi arabia and you know that hotel room will not let me into the shaw suite really upsetting milu used to party with madonna and john john all the time and both of them have requested that his ashes you know be scattered in their presence um madonna she'd be like do not scatter those in front of me they're fattening i will not breathe your fat dog sonia oh come on lighten. No one gives me any respect. God, like Madonna has a job. She just puts on parachute pants and dances around.

I invented parachute pants, alright? No. I started parachute pants, David. I start parachute pants. Am I done? Alright, previously. Speaking on, speaking, oh, previously. Oh, no, no, I don? All right. Previously. So then speaking on – oh, previously. Oh, no, no.

I don't have anything. I was just – So then we moved – speaking of fashion, we moved to this meeting where Sonia has called Bethany and Heather to this conference room to help with like a model casting for her line. So, of course, Bethany gets there first, and she is back to her crazy ways. You know, again, she walks into the room. She doesn't even say hi first. She goes, I got a mouthful of food.

Where's Sonia? Where's the clothes? What's going on? Who's this? Hi, hi, hi. Sorry, no. I got food in my mouth. Sorry, stressed. Sorry. I'm the first one here? Okay. Well, that's weird. Okay. That's strange. Okay. Well, I mean, look,

I guess I'm the first one here. So whatever. I don't know you. I don't know you. Don't guess I'm the first one here. So whatever. I don't know you. I don't know you. Don't talk to me. I don't know you guys. I don't know you guys. Who are you? Can we get some hello my name is?

I still won't know you, but at least I'll know who to ignore. And she's like, well, this is awkward. This is awkward. I'm like, yeah, well, you're making it awkward. How about be like a normal human being? And you walk into a room and the person that you're supposed to meet isn't there yet, but they're two other people. So you make polite conversation like a normal person.

It's not awkward. No kidding. Check your Facebook like anybody else. Have you no manners? Yeah. Go on Tinder. Go see what your latest homeless benefits are. Okay? She's like, I gotta get out of here.

I gotta be on the cheese line in like five minutes or I'm not getting cheese. And do you know what my daughter's gonna do if she doesn't have cheese? She's gonna swing from that expensive chandelier in, and I'm not going to be able to sell it on Craigslist later. So just move it along. Move it along. I wanted to say something about this conversation with Carol and Heather, though, because, of course, it's taken me 20 minutes to look at notes. But Heather was talking about how she put the urn in Dorinda's bag, and she's like, of course, it had to go in her 1980s hooker fur coat or whatever. But she puts it in to get it through security and thinks it looks like a bomb.

And then she's freaking out and saying she's sweating, which I don't believe because Botox. I mean, maybe she was sweating in her ass cheeks because Botox, like, stops your sweat glands from working. Like, you start sweating in other places. So anyway, she had a sweaty butt and then she got nervous so they opened her bag and they pulled out lotion and they took her face cream you know what fuck off people box cutters were legal when 9-11 happened okay those terrorists didn't pull off anything tricky stop taking expensive shit from our bags okay that toothpaste is eight dollars now thanks a lot and now you're gonna blame the terrorists i blame the government damn it yeah fucking take my my toothpaste with bleach it was

eight dollars okay that's all i had to say now we can move on okay yeah so bethany walks into this meeting and the guys i think this is why you can't talk to these people like normal people because there are people that sonia brought in and they're awful one of them you walk into this oh my god look at this model's energy it's amazing her energy like her energy is crazy and then the other girl's like yeah model's energy it's like oh my god i want to kill these people that girl who's wearing like i don't know, a vest from the thrift store that she glued skunk fur onto or some shit from Michael's, and she wears it every scene that she's in. It's like, girl, is that the only wig and fake fur vest that you have? Come on, make an effort. Bethany's here.

Yeah, I know. Exactly. I did like when Heather and Bethany were trying to get to the bottom of what the hell was going on, and and heather's like so what's what sort of brand is it and so he's well you know it's a it's a heritage brand it's a heritage brand and then someone else goes yeah it's it's not what's on trend right now i'm like oh okay but then they keep on saying everything they're like but it's always sexy it's always sexy yeah like so what is this well it's sort of like a nun's habit but it's always sexy it's like like convent chic, always sexy. You ever see those guys that are in those suits

and they walk around on the bottom of the ocean and they've got like one of those tubes that goes up to the surface that way they can breathe? It's like that, but, you know, sexy. No matter what it is, this is what I always say. If you want heritage, you need to make sure there's easy access to the vagina and something right under the collar that you can lift up and wipe your mouth off when you need to and that's it you can use these things at any job if you're

working your way up when we say heritage we mean it's a burlap sack. Like literally it's the heritage of like a street urchin. But sexy. Sexy. And the Indian guy is hilarious. Because Heather is like, no, like who do you see these clothes hanging out with? If you're in a store, mamas, and you're saying, holla, holla. Your dressers are saying, holla.

Who are they hollering to exactly? Because they have to be between things. And he's like, no, we don't do this in this store this brand is not about other things okay it is only these things so our store would be only our things and she's like no but like you know let's say you're in macy's okay are you gonna be next to polo i mean where are you gonna be he's like nowhere we will be next to nobody. You cannot compete with us. That's what he kept on saying over and over again.

There is nothing like our clothes. They are sexy, but feminine and chic. I'm like, oh, yeah, those are crazy, crazy buzzwords I've never heard. Well done, India. Yeah. I got a feeling like Sonia's line is going to be hanging next to the pots and pans on the third floor. She's like, my clothes will be hanging in whatever is alphabetically next to them in the podcast directory. Okay?

That's it. So then the models start coming in. And Sonia's like, no, well, you know, I don't know if I like this girl. You know, she doesn't – she sort of has a – you know, she has more of a Versace cut, and I want more of a polo cut. Not my cut. That is not my cut. That is for the masses, not the classes, okay? And so then Bethany starts to get mad at her.

Bethany's like, you don't say these things in front of the models. You don't say these things in front of the models. And Sonny's like, no, of course you say these things. So then Bethany has the nerve to tell us in the interview. She goes, listen, I don't need these girls getting an eating disorder on my watch, says Bethany Frankel, CEO of Skinny Girl. I'm not going to let Sonya give these people an eating disorder. Look, when I give people an eating disorder, it's because they've earned it. It means I care about you enough to tell you that you're fat. OK, Sonya is just, handing them out like candy.

I will not have her diluting my brand. Yeah, I mean, Bethany, I mean, when you're sitting there and you're looking at her with her, like, sinewy arms and, like, negative 5% body fat, like, I don't think she gets to talk about eating disorder concerns. Also, we're talking about women who are basically um basing their entire life on what they look like and selling that for money okay yeah those girls are non-eating non-eating whores like i don't care the you are

a lot and no offense models if you're out there but i mean come on you're a non-eating whore admit it to yourself the first thing the first step in acceptance is admit it is admitting that you're a non-eating whore, but, um, they're like horses. I mean, you don't, they are, it's like going to a cattle show and deciding what horse you're going to, or what cow you're going to buy or whatever. Like you look the cows up and down, you check their teeth. That's why that's where the saying, you don't the saying, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth because it's rude to check over the horse when it's given to you as a gift. But when you're buying that horse, look at its teeth, y'all.

Right. Exactly. And, you know, it's funny also. I mean, look, I mean, Heather is sitting down the table. She's trying to sell her yummy fashion, which is just shaped like it's Spanx, basically. So all these women, all they care about is trying to look her yummy fashion, which is just shaped like it's Spanx, basically. Yeah. So all these women, all they care about is trying to look as skinny as possible. So don't don't don't get, you know, don't get mad at Sonia. Yeah.

Get mad at her for other things, but not for that. Yeah. I but Sonia was being funny because then she started getting more and more snotty about it. Yeah. Someone on our Facebook made a funny comment going off about Sonya and what a bitch she is. And they're like, I cannot believe it. I mean, when did this woman be,

when did this woman crawl so far up her own ass? She's always been up her own ass. She's just got a good sense of humor otherwise. Yeah. Remember in season two when she called herself a gay icon and she was mad when Alex McCord was going to get to speak at like a gay rights thing or whatever and sonia wanted to be the one like didn't want her to speak because she's like but i'm the the grand chairman or whatever the the uh whatever you call that term you know grand marshal i'm the

grand marshal of this event and i'm a gay icon alex Alex McCord. So Alex McCord can't speak, so she's always been a disaster. Listen, Alex McCord has done more for the gay community than you can dream of. She married Simon. Yes. She took Simon off the gay market. So I think that she should be the marshal of every gay pride parade. It's like, thank you for taking that one out of the gene pool, darling. But my favorite part is that after all this like

You know hemming and hawing over the models Sonya's favorite model Was the one who was the most average looking Who looked just sort of like a normal person Who walked in to like deliver Like a message from reception You know She's like oh here she is

This is my look right here Found her I'm like her? That's my brand look at the heritage She's like, oh, here she is. Here she is. This is my look right here. Oh, found her. Found her. I'm like, her? That's my brand. Look at the heritage. Look at the heritage in that brand. I don't think Sonya knows what heritage means.

I don't think anyone's explained it to her. She thinks it has something to do with hair. Yeah, she's like, that girl has hips and big teeth. I want her. I want her. My line is for people with teeth big big teeth okay yeah no i was like i the first two girls were perfectly pretty and model-esque and sonia's like oh oh this is her perfect perfect for san trope perfect where's milu oh no

forgot milu died she's like okay one who's not as pretty as the other ones um how good at you are carrying boxes upstairs okay do you know how to put pieces from different different vacuum cleaners together to make one big vacuum cleaner okay you're that's heritage okay this girl is heritage from now on your name is ipad number two okay whenever i need you i'm just gonna swipe you so please keep your nose clean thanks now let's let's see if we can clone three more of her so we can have them for parts mad scientist you never know when her time machine is gonna break from wondery this is black history for real i I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously

what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights.

She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school

where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. What? That's the thing you use to back up things on your Mac. Oh, oh, oh. I thought you meant, like, she had some weird time. Girl, if Sonia had a time machine, she'd be back in Saudi Arabia right now blowing shahs.

I think Sonia, I think she thinks she has a time machine. It's the only time she felt productive. Well, here we are. Bangkok 1982. We've arrived. No, you're still in the boardroom. Look at how I started my career, you know? And now I'm doing clothes,

which also involves dealing with little pricks all day long. You know, it's like, I just wish I knew then what I know now. Full circle, full circle, and in the middle, heritage. Heritage brand, but very sexy. Very sexy with a J. I wasn't shoplifting.

On the front of the store, there's a big zero. And inside of it's another zero. And inside of that's another zero. How do you expect me to pay for anything where everything I look at, the price tag says zero, Target? I was hypnotized. I was looking at it. I fell asleep. Stole stuff by accident.

If I had a time machine. Hey, this robe was just sitting on the floor. So I drank it. I should sue you for almost choking to death, Target. I don't know why. I can't stop. I can't stop. Come't stop come back to me kim yeah sonia's time machine i don't think that that would have been good because i don't think that

there's really anything she can change i mean she's just doing great as it is yeah yeah she um if anything maybe she needs to uh go forward in time yeah get get through this period of her life to when she's just a fashion mogul in 20 years fashion mogul walking around with a giant glasses black framed thick framed glasses like the lady from the old navy commercials back in the day that's what sonja needs to go to i think sonja just wants to be a fashion mogul so she can have an official sweatshop. So if people stop making fun of her using child labor. I think she just wants to be a fashion mogul to further

her toaster brand. I think this is all just an elaborate exercise in getting the toaster out there. What she's going to do next is she'll release the cookbook of how to eat so that way you can fit into my clothes, and then the toaster oven comes next.

I think that's the order. Carb-free peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Half pickles, pull out a plastic spoon, put some peanut butter on it, and then feed it to you. It's going to sell a million copies. Everything's going to be a variation of putting cheese on English muffins. All right. This is what I call a Gouda pizza.

You take an English muffin, and you put some ketchup on it, and then you put some Gouda on it, and then you have perfect Gouda pizza. Oh, Sonjina, the fashion mogul. Sonja. So anyway, as this caffeine ravages my brain, let's go to, I think we move forward to Ramona. She goes to lunch. I forget even with whom she goes to lunch. Ramona went to lunch with Dorinda.

This scene was so beautiful. It was beautifully executed on every point. Love it. I love the way it started. Yeah. Oh, wait. Go ahead. I was just going to say,

first of all, Dorinda just got back from seeing her dead husband. Okay. I mean, not seeing him, but you know what I mean? I mean, the red balloon people,

come on, have some sensitivity. So she's, she's just come back from this like emotional trip and she was with Carol. So there's some shit to talk about. And what does Ramona do? She's like, Oh,

hi, I just got my hair done at oscars and then what happened i you know i had my car there and then my car wasn't there because you know i can't take a taxi because you don't know how they smell it's like okay hey shut up for a second and b stop talking about smelly things when you're about to talk about dead husbands and she's also probably gonna marry john that's rude see, her husband's dead. So maybe like hold off on a bit. No one cares about your super cut.

I just love that Ramona got into the wrong black car. She's like, so the craziest thing happened. So I got, I went over to a car, all right. And I looked at the license plate and my car was supposed to start with a TR and I saw a TR. So I thought, okay, well those are not very common letters in the English language. So this must be my car. Okay. So I got into the car and I was, okay, well, those are not very common letters in the English language. So this must be my car.

Okay. So I got into the car. And I was like, hey, what's going on? We drove by Saks. Okay. We're going to the west side. Okay. And we're going the wrong way.

Okay. And I thought, I got to get out of this. Okay. And it reminded me of one time when I was a kid. Okay. My dad. My dad was like, hey, we're going to go to Rye Playland in Rye, New York. And I was really excited.

I wanted to go on the dragon coaster. Okay. Because I love dragons. But then we got in the car. We started driving a different direction. in Rye, New York. And I was really excited. I wanted to go on the dragon coaster, okay? Because I love dragons. But then we got in the car and we started driving a different direction. And we went to New Jersey and we went to the dentist. And I was like, what's going on?

And then we picked up Geraldine Parsons-Smith and I realized I was being abducted. And this was a terrible thing for me. And to this day, I can never get in the wrong car ever again, okay? I'm sorry. I was crying so hard that Geraldine Parsons-Smith slapped me on the back

when I was cross-eyed and that's why my eyes look like this. I was crying so hard that Geraldine Parsons-Smith slapped me on the back when I was cross-eyed, and that's why my eyes look like this. It was traumatic. Okay. And then afterwards, when the dentist gave me a lolly, Geraldine Parsons-Smith took it from me. Okay. And Dorinda's like, don't worry about it, honey. I confuse black things all the time. Was it wearing a waiter shirt?

Watch out. People are going to call you racist on Twitter. You better back it up. You better back it up, black car. You better back it up. Literally back it up. There's a spot here for you. Back it up. This hot white guy keeps coming to the table, and Dorinda's like, could you please send the waiter?

Stop asking me what I need. Go, Dorinda's like, could you please send the waiter and stop asking me what I need? Oh, Dorinda. She's like, I think it's so wonderful that two waiters made it to be president and first wife of America. It was so nice being in London. The black people don't wear waiter shirts. It confused me. I didn't ask a black person for anything in London. It was like being home again.

She's like, I was watching BET. They have a whole award show just for waiters. I think it was like being home again she's like i was watching bet they have a whole award show just for waiters i think it's wonderful i think it's great i'll tell you what if i was ever served by that girl that waitress beyonce oh i don't know if i need to see that while i'm eating it's bad enough sitting across from john i don't need anybody telling him to shake his jelly. What was Beyonce's, like, was she the shake your jelly? Yeah, it was Dustin's child. Nobody needs to shake that.

I don't think John's ready for her jelly, I'll tell you that much. If she brings her jelly over here, she better back it up. I'm not ready for your jelly. I've got plenty of jelly here. Thank you. His name is John. He's got a hairy back and every morning it's like gliding about Vesuvius and flip flops. Alright. Keep your jelly, P.

I don't like waitresses that push jelly on me. I don't like that. If I wanted jelly, I'd order a jelly. I'm 40 years old. If I want jelly, I'll a jelly, I'd order a jelly. I'm 40 years old. If I want jelly, I'll get jelly. Jeez. If I wanted jelly, I'll ask for a jelly, okay?

But I don't want more jelly. And John better back it up from the jelly buffet, okay? And Beyonce, you and your two other waitress friends, you better leave with that jelly, okay? I don't care if you're survivors. I don't want my waitresses telling me that they're survivors. I don't care. Just bring me my food.

How dare you talk to my daughter like that? You better back up, B. Back up, B. Yeah, and you know what? You know what I don't appreciate? Every time I ask for the check, they just talk about bills, bills, bills. I don't like that for my waitresses. And I don't like my waitresses calling me a bugaboo either, all right? I don't care if they say that they're independent women, all right? You for my waitresses. And I don't like my waitresses calling me a bugaboo either.

All right? I don't care if they say that they're independent women. All right? You're my waitress. Just bring me my food and don't bring more jelly. Okay? All this being independent women is overrated. I don't understand.

All these women bragging about being independent. Who cares? America's been independent for a long time. What does that mean? Who cares? We're still sad. We're still in debt. Being independent is nothing, all right?

Get somebody. Get a dry cleaner, America. This country would be doing much better if we would just elect a dry cleaner. I'd like to see the manager, please. My waitress is drunk in love, and I need a sober waitress. I can't. This is not right. Back it up. I can't. This is not right. You better back it up.

Back it up. Is the waitress singing a song about sitting on Jay-Z's face while I'm trying to eat my toast with jelly? I told you I didn't want this jelly. You better back it up, sister. Back it up. You know, what I really didn't appreciate is that when I came into the restaurant, I wanted to sit over by the window. But my waitress, Beyonce, kept on telling me to sit to the left, to the left. And I was like, that's not right.

I want to sit there to the right. I want to sit to the right. I'm not ready to put my things in a box yet. Stop telling me to put my things in a box. Can I eat my lunch? I don't want to box up my dinner. I don't want to box up my dinner yet, okay? Ramona is like, I'll take it just in case.

Just in case. Hey, you know what, Dorinda? I think all your leftovers are in a box to the left. To the left. Oh, yeah. That's what we got that night. It's again. You know, thousands of people go to a stadium just to see a waitress.

I don't understand it. I don't get it. So then they start talking about the Carol, you know, the Carol stuff. And Dorinda's like, you know, I was surprised because she's so nice, and Ramona's like, oh yeah, she's great, one-on-one. One-on-one, she's okay, but you know, when she gets like three-on-one, then it hurts.

Then it's horrible. I'm like, who are you? Who are you? I don't like that. Of course, this was after Ramona told a whole story about, so the other night, I went to Cipriani's, OK? And I was sitting there and I was having a lovely time. And I ordered this boring chicken dish and I was like, I don't want to eat this boring chicken dish.

You know, sometimes I want a nice chicken dish. And I saw this lovely chicken dish go by and went up to a gentleman. And I just had to get up and walk over to that gentleman and say, excuse me, but what is your chicken dish? And he was like, well, guess what? I'm the owner of Cipriani's, OK? And he bought us all dinner okay and he's like yeah i just got back from london with saw my old friends and carol saw her ashes but that's great i love that chicken story yeah she's like that's great i wish i had a chicken salad when i was crying about my dead husband at lunch with carol

she's like oh yeah that would have been great you, but then if you had lunch there, then it would have been Carol and lunch on you. Then it would have been two on one. You wouldn't have liked Carol anymore. Ramona immediately blames Heather. Ramona immediately blames Heather. She's like, well, you know, when she's with Heather, you know, Heather does all the talking. I'm sorry. Yeah, Heather overshadows her.

I'm like, yeah, okay. Tell us about that chicken again. Okay. Okay. Sorry. It's day class A. It was so funny because Dorinda's so positive. Well, most of the time when she's not about to cut somebody. But she's so positive and she's like, oh, well, you know, it was really great.

It was great seeing everybody. And now it's done. Now I can go to London again. And Ramona's like, that's what i need with mario you know i'm so jealous because dorinda has closure and what i need with mario is closure i'm like she has closure because her husband's dead okay like it's not really it's not really the same thing you're not going to get the same kind of closure and then she goes on to explain she's like you know i mean i got closure sometimes i see. She's like, you know, I mean, I got closure.

Sometimes I see Mario and, you know, you know, that's fine and whatever. But I'm still moving on. And I'm like 99% moved on. You know, I'm like 1% have a finger up Mario's butthole while I'm giving him a blowjob. I mean, let's just admit it. But, you know, it's like 99% of my finger's not even in there. Like he can barely feel it.

And I'm saying that's what almost closure feels like. Okay. Okay. Okay. When I'm done, you're going to have to put plastic gloves on some other girl. And then they hit on the waiter, and that's really awkward. And then Dorinda actually really does say something about, like, John called me in the middle of the night and had hotel security wake me up because he thought i died and ramona's like oh who dies in london nobody dies there she's like i

know but he thought i was dead and you know it was so sweet you know because he's needy and he needs me you know all these women who are just so independent do it alone do it by yourself that's boring you know nobody calls you nobody calls hotel security caring that you might be sleeping who are just so independent. Do it alone. Do it by yourself. That's boring. You know, nobody calls you. Nobody calls hotel security caring that you might be sleeping with somebody thinner or less hairy. You know, classier job than a dry cleaner. You know, nobody's calling.

Nobody cares. By the way, speaking of John, someone, I forget who, I'm sorry, someone posted on our Facebook page a photo of John with Liza from Secrets and Wives. And I forget the other ones. It was maybe Andy or Susan. But the three of them were on a step and repeat, and they're, like, smiling.

And John is just fully drenched in sweat, like big old sweat stains. I'm listing myself. A, I already miss Secrets and Wives. And B, this is John. This is John. He wound up on the wrong show. He should have already miss Secrets and Wives. And B, this is John. This is John. He wound up on the wrong show. He should have been on Secrets and Wives. I know, but they already have a pig named Jonathan.

That's true. You can only have so many thumbs up a button one season of a show. That's true. In Long Island, all the men put their thumbs up you button bouncy houses. You got loisered. You got totally loisered by jonathan you feel nauseous now you feel nauseous little does he know i had a suppository up and now his thumb has the runs you just got loisered paralyzed oh thumbs up the bat

so kristin i'm pretty kristin is it fashion week uh this episode too because some designer whose name nobody knows or maybe you do I don't have fashion yeah he's a huge name no no Kristen's yeah oh oh oh I wrote it down because at first they were showing that lady and I was like who are you oh yeah the tally von tally von malley or whatever what's his name ellie ellie tahari listen when somebody gets to do a runway show for mr old davy i'll care but until then i have no interest i don't know listen i don't even follow fashion ellie tahari is huge i'm not i'm not even sure i'm saying his name right is he you lied to her no it's ellie i think it's ellie you know what he he went to a lot of trouble to get a name that rhymes all right memorize that shit ben i know i'm sorry so

kristin yeah kristin got her pop of color uh used in his fashion presentation during fashion week which is pretty cool but it's not like people were going up there and being like oh what's this nail polish on this model like that's what that's what I came here to see the nails I think it's like as much of an afterthought as can be and Carol's like oh did you use any of the names I gave you for the nail polish covers I can't wait to see

someone wearing blowing a toddler ah it's gonna look so pretty slide It's going to look so pretty. Slide. Age is just a number. Uncollected ping pong balls. Balls that haven't dropped yet. So they're talking about her nail colors, blah blah heather and carol blah um and then they they show one of the models putting on that and i'm like wow this is perfect it's like for for girls who are too stupid to wear gloves with fingers in new york city it's like some

madonna fingerless gloves so it's like no people wear people wear those that way they can still use their smartphones um yeah. You know what? If your feet are cold and your head is cold, your body is cold. Okay, people? If the tips of your fingers are cold, you're going to be cold. Just stop wearing gloves, fuckers. Or buy the kind of gloves that you can still – I don't even – let's stop talking about this. I'm getting angry about nothing.

This is one of those days. I've already done it about three times when I've gone on either a rant or I've just gone on a line of thought that goes absolutely nowhere. I'm like, oh, well, I got to wrap up whatever I'm saying. I got to bring it to some sort of reasonable conclusion. But in the meantime, I'm just going to waste everyone's time while they have to sit and listen to me get to this. We're almost an hour and we've talked about nothing. and we've talked about nothing. I know.

I feel like the high point was the cockroach wedding in Van Nuys. It's all downhill from there. Just make sure when you're on your way down the hill you're not walking with Jonathan. I've never seen somebody sweat backwards, but it actually happens. I sweat backwards. he was internally sweating i had to squeeze him for five hours afterwards to get it all out oh man so people are such bitches they show up and they're like uh heather's like hey now polish mama step off the curb mama farewell Felicia

sincerely Heather she was trying to network with Ellie Tahari she was like oh my god this you know this reminds me you know when I first started out as a fashion professional much like you I was wearing all your suits all the time you know because I work in fashion too

and we work together we should get lunch you know but anyway I wear your suits. I love your suits. Anyway, Mama, so nice meeting you. Bye. Ellie Tahar. When I started, you know, when I started running conglomerates as a fashion exec, I loved your clothes. Now, unfortunately, I'm too wealthy for them.

And I don't like looking like other people who just got off the subway. But thanks for the past. Thanks for that. That is so rude. I don't like looking like other people who just got off the subway, but thanks for the past. Thanks for that. That is so rude. I don't know. Oh, she's like, I loved your clothes so much, I've decided to start a new line called Mari Pahari. It's similar but not quite the same.

And I'm going to spell it wrong, so please don't feel like you're getting stolen from. Can't steal intellectual property, mamas you know what by the way heather had a major fail in her career as a real housewife which is that she never put on a fashion show and she was like a working fashion designer i mean the fact that sonia morgan was able to put together a fashion show the fact that sheree woodfield was even able to put together a fake fashion show and heather didn't put on anything how could you do that heather like this is like your opportunity how could you not put on a fashion show look no one looks cute in spanks like when it's just the

spanks you got shit spilling over the top it looks like an overfill it looks like a hot tub filled with like too much cottage cheese that shit's like spilling over and listen i've tried on man spanks okay so i'm speaking from personal experience nobody needs to see that fashion show people would just be horrified by the way i just want to let you know how caffeinated i am the ice in my starbucks just settled and it startled me i I just jumped because of the ice. The ice moved and I jumped. Your stupid ass neighbor probably did too. You're going to be getting a knock on your door.

I heard ice settling in a cup. I will not stand for this. Oh God, she is the worst. Okay, so fashion show. So Heather's like, hi mamas, hi mamas, hi mamas, hi mamas. Wow. I mean, there's's like sonia can pack a house because i mean she's a whore and she's always on twitter but where are the buyers because i'm used to seeing buyers here mamas i was hoping to know people you know because people buy my stuff

and they're not here so have fun with your show sonia it. Shut up, Heather. You designed Stolen Spanx. Just shut up. Yeah. And meanwhile, so Sonia's backstage and she's like yelling at her staff because everyone's getting things wrong. I'm like, well, how about this? Why don't you like get someone who has a little bit more experience than an intern how about you have like real professionals working your show rather than yelling at like camilla from you know cooney you know who's just there for like one credit so she can finish her like i know they showed a lineup of like children i mean they look like

children i mean i know i'm just getting older but i was like how old are these kids it's like you're you're telling 12 year olds to do things for free and then you're mad that they didn't like copy it right and she's like yeah but where's calvin klein gonna go where's the shot gonna go where's you know where are these people gonna go i'm like hello delusional none of those people are coming to your show all right make sure that ramona has somewhere to sit or you're in real trouble otherwise yes who cares no one cares she's like this is why i have to do everything myself, you know, because like, I can't rely on other people to do it for me. I'm like, well, maybe you should pay someone, and then you can rely

on them. She's like, I've been trying to fix a leak in my ceiling forever, because you know who can't do it? Interns. They just can't do it. You know, all I've asked is for them to go hunting in the walls for the possums. They cannot do it. So you know what? Fine. I'm sitting there with a tube of caulk, and I'm just going to do it. Every time I what? Fine. I'm sitting there with a tube of caulk

and I'm just going to do it. Every time I see a leak I'm going to have somebody hold me up to the crack. That's it. Pickles, get in here and hold me up to the crack. How do I open this caulk? Alright, that's it. I'm going to start designing caulk because apparently I'm the only one who can design caulk that's easily opened.

You know, people love my caulk in Saint-Tropez. You know, it's huge. They love it. And it helps so many young girls around the world. They used to call me the caulk queen in Saint-Tropez. I was like, that's right, because I fix roofs. That's what I do. It's just what I do. It's in my nature.

I love roofing, you know, and I don't want to. I'm just good at it. It's part of my international brand, you know. Toasters, dresses, roofing. You know, I'm coming out with a designer shingle next year. Going all the side of all the houses. It would be wonderful. Designer shingles. She's like, I'm going to come off with something like goof off, except it hurts.

It's going gonna be huge it's a light is sonja morgan international lifestyle target brand and everyone's gonna love it you know i'm very excited my next my next product is actually one of those uh canopies that extends out over your patio and you can press a button and it goes back in. It's very sexy. It's a heritage canopy. So, looking at my notes. Oh, Sonia boobs out, I guess. I have to do everything. Clothes, the jewels, the alcohol.

I was like, you have to do the alcohol, Sonia. She's like, I have to do the clothes. I have to do the jewels. I have to do the chairs. I have to do the alcohol. I'm to do the jewels. I have to do the chairs. I have to do the alcohol. I'm a problem solver. You're here to learn from me, okay? If something's going bad, I don't need you saying,

Miss Morgan, you're gorgeous. You're the queen of the world. I don't need that. I need you to tell me what's wrong, because you're here to learn from me. I haven't seen one of you swallow yet. Not one of you. You have not swallowed a thing. How do you expect to have a career? You think this shit just came to me and floated to me on a boat?

No, I earned this. They have statues of me in straw bathrooms. All over. All over Saudi. I worked for this. Knee braces. Sonia knee braces. Knee braces. It's part of my international brand. Knee braces. Knee braces Sonya knee braces Knee braces It's part of my international brand Knee braces

Knee braces Every single hospital It's going to be a heritage brand knee brace But very sexy too A sexy knee brace Sexy knee braces They're not just for hospitals They're also for whorehouses

I have to do the whorehouses I have to do the bus stops I have to do behind the garbage cans I have to do everything in this whorehouse Everything bus stops i have to do behind the garbage cans i have to do everything in this whole house everything all our mannequins have knee braces on them and then it's the brand because sonia keeps wearing that same red dress every time we see her in the scene she's like look it's my dress i designed it it's for the for the classes not the masses it's always the same one so today to change it up she'd like cut it down the middle and took off the sleeves and the shoulder pads.

So her tits were hanging out. But I suspect that was still the dress with cuts. Yeah, I think so. It obviously was. Poor Pickles was up all night hot glue gunning those seams together. Yeah. So then all the women come, and they're waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. And finally, the models, there was an issue.

There was like not a second look or something. And Sonya starts flipping her shit with a stylist and they're screaming. But then finally the models start to come down the runway. And my favorite part was Bethany. She goes, and he goes, it's actually really pretty

how they have a staircase for the miles to come down. I'm like, oh, the staircase is pretty. Okay, that's good. Yeah, the clothes were actually decent. Everybody was complimentary. But they were doing it in that dick way where they were like, whoa, there's actually clothes. And they're okay.

Like, wow. Wow. They're functional. Wow. One of them still had a Dillard's tag on the back i don't believe for a second that sonia had all those clothes made sorry don't believe it they're still not for sale anywhere i think this i think this uh this team that she hired i think that what they do is they have like one set of designs and they go and they find wealthy people and they're

like they're like yeah we want to work with you to help launch a brand. And then Sonya will be like, I want something that looks like this. And they're like, how about this? This is what we've been working on. What do you think? And she's like, yes, I want to put my name on that. Sort of like what Nini did when Nini put her name on it.

But then they just go to different women and they all think that they're launching a brand. And instead it's like Sparky Palastri in Bring It On. He just sells the same shit to every team. That's what I think. I think she's getting bamboozled by these people. Oh, well, that's a very nice way to put it because I just figured she found out about the extra 40% off sale at Dillard's.

I can't let it go. It's a really good sale, you guys. And got her whole fashion line there because that shit still ain't for sale, girl. And Nene probably did the same thing. She probably went to every circus that came through atlanta like let's not bond i'm at bailey i hate the name bailey a and b no one come to the circus anymore give me this tent i'm gonna sell this on qvc let's do some cutouts by the shoulder

she's like this tent has a little peanut dust on it, but otherwise, it looks fashionable. Bloop. All right. Did you leave? Did we cut off, Ben? No. Oh, God. Did you quit? No.

No. I'm just waiting for the day where you're like, I quit. Fuck you. I've had enough. No, I just got a text, actually, during your rant, and it really annoyed me. That's all. You see, I'm so needy i can understand i can like sense when you're looking at a text well yeah you can you can well it's specifically

more that i got a text that annoyed me that's what it is because it was me i was texting you while i was talking like are you still there are you listening to me no i have like here let's pause for a second let me let me tell you my issue. So I have this group of friends who I always have so much fun with. But lately, I feel like anytime I suggest like, hey, guys, let's do this or let's do that or whatever. Who wants to get brunch? Anytime I do any of that, like no one responds. And like, I'm like, hey, everyone, let's do this activity. And like one person might say, oh, like, sorry, I can't make it, or someone does whatever.

And I know every single time I propose something, no one really pays attention. But anytime anyone else is like, hey, guys, let's go paintballing or whatever, let's do this or that, everyone's like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So it's one of those things where I'm like, okay, I think I know where I stand in this group. And I just got a text like that. I'm like, where? Because like last night I was like, hey, everyone, let's go to the OC Fair. And it was like crickets, which I thought was like a really fun activity. And then someone just now was like, hey, does anyone want to go paintballing?

Everyone's like, oh, yeah, I'd plan on it. Let's go. And now they're all right now speaking. It's like text after text after text. Do you guys want to go paintballing? And everyone's like, oh, yeah, I'd plan on it. Let's go. And right now as we're speaking, it's like text after text after text. They're like, do you guys want to go paintballing? I hear they have great paintballing at the OC Fair. They're like, yes, yes, I've been dying to do that. Yeah. Well, maybe you just, because you're so social,

maybe you just send out so many invites that you're becoming like one of those Facebook invites where you don't even see them anymore. Maybe people took you off their front page of the Facebook setting. Yeah, either way, I'm feeling unloved. Oh, Ben, you're loved. Ben, I love ya. Who wants to go to the OC fair with me? I'll go with you. What do you want to go?

Okay. No, yeah. That's going to be so fun. A pity invite mixed with a pity attend. Well, because you know, it's like – you know what? You know, like I said – I suggested next Wednesday. I was like, hey, guys, let's go to the OC Fair like next Wednesday night. That might be fun. And so most people didn't respond and other people were like, sorry, it's the middle of the week.

I can't do it. So then I was like, OK, well, why don't we do it? Maybe we can do it over the weekend then. And then just no one responded. I was like, oh, OK. I guess you have no excuses. Well, you know what then? So slip my we can do it over the weekend then. And then just no one responded. I was like, oh, okay, I guess you have no excuses. Well, you know what, Ben? Just slit my wrist, Ben. Crucify me then. Just gut

me open then, Ben. Gut me open with a hunting knife, okay? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just, you know, crucify me like Jesus. You know, that's what Jesus did. Stole a dress and it fell out of his trunk and then he got crucified. So just go ahead. Let's just repeat the Bible. Do it again. Do it all over again. But I'm warning you, there's going to be a flood. So go ahead let's just repeat the bible do it again do it all over again but i'm warning you there's gonna be a flood so you know how i feel you know

how i feel i feel boxed out i feel boxed out um yeah heather's like wow does anybody have a box that we can put kristen outside of while we can we have some box seats and then give Kristen one of the folding chairs on the floor that would be great feel boxed down um all right so we kind of skipped over the Beth and Ramona fight which is very funny no no that was that's that's what happens now oh it does because I put uh before I put it all before the girls I guess guess I was just not in the mood to write about the clothes. I did say before Luann said. I thought it happened in between. Because you know what happened? Like 12 dresses came out.

And then Sonya had like a two hour break while they all changed clothes. So they're all sitting there waiting in the middle of the fashion show. Just grounds to a halt. And of course Heather's like, listen. The first round was good. But here's a little tip from somebody who's a fashion mogul, okay? You don't wait for the second round. That looks bad, mamas, really bad. And I have things to do.

I have a lot of things. I don't know if I can stay. I don't know either. I'm like, I dare you bitches to leave this you will never hear the end of it yeah absolutely no the reason why they stayed was heather was waiting waiting for the schadenfreude she cannot wait for the there to be a disaster and for her to be like to talk about how bad it was that's why she stayed she's like i hate saying i told you so so i got it written down on little business cards.

Here's a few. So anyway, during this dead space in the middle of the fashion show, that's when Bethany and Ramona start to fight. Like out of nowhere, there's this fight that pertains to two things. One is that this issue where Ramona stole now it's two dresses from bethany it used to be one but now it's two dresses but also apparently ramona told someone told heather uh that bethany had an affair uh she told she ramona told heather that bethany had an affair and now bethany found out about it and now bethany is mad and then and then bethany's like and on top of that you stole sold the dresses

and she's just coming at ramona and ramona's like trying to get out of it and bethany's like no no that won't work you can't just say i'm sorry you can't say sorry and ramona just goes like you know what i'm not perfect fine my wrists crucify me. Fine. I'm not perfect. Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just love that. I'm fine. I'm fine. I mean, just gut me.

Just gut me. Cut me. Cut me. Stab me. Why don't you stab me? Do you want to open my head and pull out my brain and then mash it on the floor? Go ahead then. Go ahead.

I don't care. Do it. Do it. Do what you got to do. I understand. I never said you had an affair. What I said was, of course, Bethany's upset because she fucked some other guy when she was married to her first husband. I mean, that's all I said.

I never said the word affair. It wasn't an affair. It wasn't an ongoing thing, okay? All I said is that you just gave a blowjob to many different people. That's all. Many different guys. It was like not just an affair. It was many, many. I just said that you were charitable with your vagina.

That's all. I mean, so what? So sue me. So your vagina's charitable. Oh, my God. Worst thing in the world. You know what? Slip my wrist.

I'm so sorry. You know, all I said was that you, you know, you fuck three guys on a cruise ship one night. You know, that's all. And I said, I was very clear. I was like, it didn't mean anything to her. It didn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything on international waters, okay? Okay. How do you think the terrorists get away

with so much? You know, they're not here. If they were here, we would do something about it, but they're not here. So, you know what? You know what, terrorists? Have fun. Have affairs. I don't care. Cheat. And then she's like, you know what? Let's not throw stones in glass houses, Bethany, okay? Okay? Because this,

you know what? When I was a kid, we used to live in a glass house. Okay? And my father built it. Okay? And I used to love it, but it gets so hot in there. And I'd always be like, Mom, Dad, can we turn on the air conditioning? And he'd be like, no, you can't have the air conditioning. And then one time, Geraldine Parsons Smith came over, and she brought a nice cold beverage,

and she wouldn't let me drink from it. And I was so mad. Okay? So that's why I do not throw stones in glass houses, because I just glass houses in general okay i'm sorry i don't like me he's like listen ramona you know i had a glass house and then jason took it in the divorce you know that how could you bring that up that is not cool i didn't say glass houses okay i said that you lived in a house that was made out of glass so sue me so cut me throw a stone let the house break on my face and then let it just cut into my face

like what happened to Jesus in that glass house when he was being crucified, you know? They said, don't throw. He said, forgive them, God, for they know not that they throw stones in glass houses. And before you know it, boom, the house was crashed and Jesus was dead. So go ahead. Okay. Okay.

Stay class A. Sorry. Stay class A Sorry It's day class A One good thing You know what To this day To this day I can't go to a greenhouse Okay

Too much glass Too much glass Okay All my plants have to come from a garden Alright I can't have them from a greenhouse One thing about glass houses They remind me of sunshine

Because you can see the sunshine But then there's too much sunshine and it almost ruins the sunshine. Okay. Oh, well, let's not worry about it anymore because now I'm having a new beginnings party. So let's have an – I'm like, how many new beginnings parties are you going to have? And then Bethany is like, how is it a new beginning when you had your new beginning already like a year ago? She's like, so? So? Okay. So it's not your new beginning already like a year ago she's like so so okay so it's not a new beginning it's like an i already began the new beginning and so now come because i had a new

beginning one time and bethany's like no that's a stupid name what what are you talking about bethany i mean it's a new beginning that happened before so it's like a an old new beginning it's a new old beginning i mean what do you want me to call it? What do you want? Fine, don't come to my party. Just like happened to Jesus, all right? No one came to his party. And you know, he died with a glass in his face, upset. He was crying.

That's all I'm saying. He was crying. You know what? You know what? Jesus, when he came back, that was his new beginning. And you know what? Every year we go to his new beginning party and we call it Easter, okay? So don't act like you don't like going to new beginning parties because you know what? Every year we go to his new beginning party and we call it Easter. Okay?

So don't act like you don't like going to new beginning parties because I know you like to celebrate Easter. Okay? We'll even have eggs. All right? I feel like Jesus did his new beginning party because he was invisible and so no one saw him anyway. So that's how you're going to be. You're not even going to see me. So whatever.

Enjoy my new beginnings party. Just pretend you can see me. Fine. Okay. Go. So she's having a new beginnings party. Just pretend you can see me. Fine. Okay. Go. So she's having a new beginning party. I will never, ever forget the last season Bethany was on, opening with Ramona on that fucking rented boat,

having her new beginning party. Yes. That was her renewal party. It wasn't her new beginning. I'm renewed. Everything's new. I'm renewed. I'm like the old Ramona, but new. I cut my hair. I look't her new beginning. I'm renewed. Everything's new. I'm renewed. I'm like the old Ramona, but new.

I cut my hair. I look like Cameron Diaz. I'm renewed. And this time, so now my favorite part about this fight was that when Bethany and Ramona were fighting, then Ramona does her best tactic of all, which is just to get straight up condescending. And she's like, listen, you're allowed to feel however you want to feel, Bethany, and that's okay, okay? No, feel that way.

It's okay. You can feel that way, Bethany. It's alright. Shh. There, there. You be quiet now, okay? Do you want me to have Heather make you some chicken fingers? Because she can do it. She's got some in her purse. Heather? Heather? Do you have chicken fingers for Bethany? Do you have one of those

maps to color on? Bethany? It's okay. Can someone change Bethany over here? Bethany, do you need a bottle? It's okay. It's okay if you do. I won't call anybody. I won't call you an alcoholic just because you're asking for a bottle. Heather, come help Bethany. You want me to put some choo-choo

macaroni in your... You want some hummus? There's some hummus in the fridge. It's funny how the season is sort of like coming to a close on the same note that it opened with. Because the season opened with Ramona and Bethany having a fight in the Hamptons. With Ramona being like, Bethany, shh. You're emotional right now. Shh, shh, shh.

Okay? Just calm down. You're allowed to feel that way. Okay? Even though you're totally wrong, and you're blowing it out of proportion, and you're throwing stones in glass houses, and I hate glass houses, but I love sunshine. It's okay. You can feel that way. Okay?

Shh. She's like, now, Bethany, I totally understand, but if you're gonna leave, then I would appreciate it, you giving my folding chair, giving me your folding chair so I could take it back home, just in case Mario comes home and wants somewhere to sit okay new beginnings new beginnings the old Ramona didn't care where Mario sat but now I care okay I'm taking your folding chair and you can go home like uh like a big girl and you can cry yourself to sleep okay

okay um and that was pretty much all that happened, right? My last note was, I'm perfect. Slip my wrist. Crucify me. So this could have ended 30 minutes ago. You know what? It could have. But it didn't. All right?

I'm not perfect. Okay? Just slip my wrist. Just crucify me. Okay? Okay? Here. Here.

Here. Here's my wrist. Here. Cut. Slip them right now and just semi-loved Avery. Okay? Okay? It's like, great job.

Great job, Sonia. All right. All right, interns. Pack those in the back of my trunk and make sure you get in the right car. Just slit my wrists. OK. And send it. Send send a letter to Geraldine Parson Smith and say you win. OK. OK. Do it. So they had mentioned she had an affair on her first husband, Bethany. So was that Jason or was she married before? No, Jason was, I think, her first husband. I think that she was engaged a lot before.

Oh, so maybe it was the first fiance? It's weird that they said the first husband. Who knows what happened at that racetrack, y'all? You don't know. Y'all, if you have any of that gossip, you can just post it on our facebook page facebook.com forward slash watch what crap ends and uh we will fill in the gaps we would love to read it mind the got band mind the god yeah we want here's the thing we want you all to tell us what happened on facebook and then next week we'll be certain to forget to check it on facebook and next year i mean next week we'll be certain to forget to check it on Facebook. And next year, I mean, next week we'll totally forget to say your name when we totally steal your information.

Exactly. Okay, so this week we did something a little new because while we're waiting for more Rubber Ladies Fighting for No Reason shows, we have a break. So we all these other bravo shows and we're like we'll watch something else okay it's a new beginning okay okay um freaking out about this i'm freaking out so we last week we watched million dollar listing san fran but i mean how many times can you watch a copy of two other shows yeah It's exactly the same except for the location. The set has changed. Yeah, I can't do it. Which I guess you could say the same for The Real Housewives.

Yeah, but I feel like, I don't know, they have to be realer on that show because women do actually go to lunch and they do actually have parties and they do actually shop. These guys, they're like, okay, we have to get three realtors who don't know each other together.

So let's put them all in a room and have them fight over what could it be uh who ate who ate someone else's sandwich out of the fridge no they don't work in the same office maybe someone slept with someone else's girlfriend no no too obvious uh domain names somebody bought all the domain names oh perfect perfect okay i'm like what that i can't. So anyway, this time we're moving on to a new real estate show, at least for this show, which is Flipping Out. Hello, Flipping Out. Yeah, this is the show that people ask us to cover. And we just don't cover it that often because, I don't know, it's hard to cover it because pretty much everyone on the show, for the most part, is pretty smart. And it's just sort of like a dry, funny show.

But there is stuff. When I was watching it last night, I was like, oh, wow, there is stuff. I do have thoughts on things. Yeah, it's a good show, actually. I like it as a show. It is really good. And I actually loved how this week's episode started with Jeff and Jenny getting into a fight because a gate closed in his face that Jenny went through first. And he's like, Jenny, you do this every single time.

Every single time. You go through the gate and it closes in my face. And this is how you do it. This is how you do it. And she's like, it doesn't close like that every single time. It's happened like once or twice. He's like, no, every single time. And I was like, it was such a hilarious fight because, first all you could see that like he was mad he was and because when they're talking about it in the interview it was like they were

both getting so riled up and i loved it because i've been on both sides of that argument i've been the one who's been accused of like doing something like that i'm like no i've done it i did it once and because i did it once you now think i do it all the time yeah i've also been the one all day yeah but i've also been the one who's like oh why do you always do this like how many times i have to tell you to do this not to do this anymore and jenny i love that jenny you know she gets a little not snotty because she's not snotty at all she's very nice but yeah gets like a little more sick of his bullshit every time and i'm like you know you don't even work there during the season. I don't even believe that she still works there.

Because she comes in and now she's so exasperated. She's like, Jeff, I only did that one time. And listen, I've been on a deodorant commercial. So I don't know who you think you're yelling at, but this girl is sure. And she's not going to take it anymore. Okay? I've got self-assurance, Jeff! Or is that like a dryer sheet commercial i

don't know something i don't know i don't remember i remember she was in a commercial but i just don't remember what it was for so one thing i'm loving about this show and ever since gage has come on so i guess it's been a couple seasons now gage is such a bitch oh my god he is horrible and you know he's like 10 times worse than jeff like behind closed doors you know he's just an awful human being because how else could you be with jeff because jeff has a sense of humor i don't think gage does yeah i think gage gets that there's a sense of humor involved so he'll smile and laugh after he says something bitchy but it's not funny it's just bitchy yeah uh and

i love it and i love that zoila has his number and she's like i don't work for you i work for mr jeff and he's like well actually you do and i need a specific kind of chip and she's like you make fuck you okay you make fuck you i hope you die like they hate each other's guts and it's really fun to watch because listen jeff 20 ago, may have picked you over a maid. But not anymore. He's learned his lesson. Maids come first, darling. Have you seen that Spotless Home?

Uh-huh. Yes. He has his priorities straight. Oh, yeah, he does. Gage. So the Gage and Zoila fight's hilarious. She's like, oh, Gage only likes specific kind chips, so

should I go to Pavilion or Gelson? And Jeff's like, I don't care, just go to Gelson. Okay, I'm going to go. I'm so sorry, my sweetie pie. And he's like, oh, that's okay, you just have a lovely day today, Zoila. Okay, you too, my sweetie pie.

Okay, you too, make it a great day. Oh, you make a great day too my sweetie bye you too have a make it a great day oh you make great day too sweetie bye I'm convinced I'm convinced that the isn't there like a maid character on Family Guy I mean I never watched Family Guy but I remember I watched one episode where there was a maid

you go she just would she just goes no no I think that she's like a recurring character and i'm convinced that it's based off zoila i love zoila they showed uh an episode a couple of weeks uh everybody's gone because they're they all work so much you know so she's always at the house alone and she's like oh yes people gone so i eat so she's like eating like eating peanut butter crackers in the kitchen she's like oh feels so good to eat in front of kitchen nobody says nothing to me because nobody home and then of course jeff comes home and he's like zoila there are peanut butter cracker crumbs did somebody have a binge no no i I don't do these.

And he's like, yes, you did. Could you at least clean up the crackers, the crumbs of the crackers that are all over this brand new white countertop? She's like, oh, fuck you. OK, stupid. I loved I love Jeff's rant about delegation on this episode. I loved Jeff's rant about delegation on this episode when Jenny mentioned the word delegate. I think the question was like, has Jeff – is it that he has cooled down? Has he grown or whatever? And she's like, well, he's delegating more and I think that's been really helpful.

And he's like, wait, stop it right there. And I love he just – he just like goes berserk. He goes, I'd love to delegate. If these fuckers could handle what I delegate them, if they weren't such dipshits and fuck everything up, I'd delegate everything. Well, they've been on him all season about delegating because he's always complaining that he does everything. And they're like, well, you're doing everything because you're not leading us and you need to delegate. And whenever there's a fight, Gage is like, Jeff, I think you need to take a little blame for this because you could have delegated. So that's why he's finally like, fuck you and delegating.

You're all idiots. Yeah. And I mean, I get it. I mean, not that I have anything to delegate and I have no one to delegate things to. But I understand that frustration. You're like, listen here, downstairs neighbor. I'm giving you the job of not complaining every five minutes. Okay, you motherfucker.

Exactly. Do you push? I like when he he said you push my delegating button um and what was i gonna say gauge again i don't know what's up with gauge but he has no emotion at all when he talks he's just kind of like a slug with bleached teeth and his whole personality are in those teeth. And they need to have one of those things that people put in the windshield of their car because the sun's too bright. Because it hurts. But anyway, the inside of his mouth is probably dying right now. Like a dog trapped in a car.

Have we talked about the fact that Gage looks like gay Seth Meyers? No, I don't think we have. But he does. Yes. He really does. But without the sense of humor yeah it's really sad because we're moving like we're changing houses and i look around here and i think of all of the memories i mean it's like really like heartwarming he's like not heartwarmed

at all i know he's like remember that remember buying that doorknob god i remember the fight and jeff was all mad about it and i I was like, no, it will fit. Jeff, you need to delegate this to me. I mean, that was romantic. That was romantic. He's like, remember when we got that chair from room and board and we put it in that corner? That was a lot of emotion. Special.

Remember when Zoila put eye drops into my martini and then I had the shits for like nine days? Oh, God, I remember this house. I will never forget you, house. Remember when I moved the vase from that table to that table? So many memories. So what else? I'm looking at these notes, but I don't need to talk about all this stuff. So let's see.

They moved that house. Let's see. There was Joe, the dumb employee Joe. Yeah, I don't need to talk about all this stuff. So let's see. They move that house. Let's see. There was Joe, the dumb employee Joe. Yeah, I was going to say there was a pillow issue because there were pillows that were the wrong size. And Jeff's like, these pillows are all the wrong size. I'm looking at them. I'm like, oh, they look good to me. But then again, that's probably why I am not in his field because everything looks good to me.

And they're doing George Eads' house from CSI. Doing George Eads and Eric Pryde's. Very random. He's turning into, like, an ex-hot version of Mr. Rogers really fast. I was like, are you really wearing, like, a Mr. Rogers sweater right now and glasses? Please stop, George Eads. Like, if anything, fuck the barbecue and get this man a bathtub full of, like, newborn spinal fluid to soak in for a little while so that he remembers he's not 90.

George Eads. Once they get their models, they're like, okay, get me a sweater vest and some glasses from Walgreens. I'm not going to dye my hair or work out anymore. It's like, no, darling. Keep the model. It's just so hot.

He was so hot, George Eads so hot you know he was so hot George Eads I know he was so hot I once went to the standard the standards the standards I once went to the standard hotel and George Eads

was swimming around in the pool there and he came out all shirtless I was like ooh there's George Eads shirtless oh so cute

nice isn't his CSI prime um um so then anyway so that yeah so there's this guy joe this assistant who it's so funny he looks exactly like this guy i know named joe and i thought it was maybe the same person and i was like is joe that dumb is the joe that i know that dumb and i realized no they're not the same person but i love that when i love when jeff is making fun of him

like when he's talking about how joe you know how he has to do so much extra work when dealing with Joe. And he starts talking about Chin Chin, this Chinese restaurant that's on the Sunset Strip. And he's like, Joe, did you go to – have you been to Chin Chin before? He's like, no. And he's like, yes, you went last week. And Joe's like, no. He's like, yes, you did. No.

And then Jeff's like – then spends 10 minutes looking for the receipts. He's like, see, you did go.. And then Jeff's like, then spends 10 minutes looking for the receipts. He's like, see, you did go. And Joe's like, oh, yeah, I did go. He's like, yeah, of course you went. Of course you went to Chin Chin because we ordered from Chin Chin. In my mind, I'm like, the first problem is that you went to Chin Chin because that place sucks. Yeah, it does. It really sucks.

I went there because on the Rosie show, if this tells you how long ago I went there, Rosie O'Donnell was like, ah, the chicken salad at Chin Chin's, the best one in the city. Which, of course, Rosie O'Donnell eating a chicken salad is a hilarious thought in the first place because you know that bitch never actually ate it. She probably saw it being delivered to a table and was like, I'm going to talk about that on the show. Anyway, I went there and I was like, this place is gross. And I know that Rosie O'Donnell never ate the salad. I went there and I was like, this place is gross. And I know that Rosie O'Donnell never ate this salad. Yeah.

We used to, back when I was like, it's one of the offices I worked at, they'd order from Chin Chin. And it was just this very sad, overpriced Chinese food. Don't go there. People, don't go there. Don't go there. Vicky, the only person from Orange County that will not go there is Vicky. She's like, stop reminding me of my body parts every goddamn restaurant we go to.

Oh, it's named after Vicky and Jim Bellino together. Oh, chin chin. But this Joe guy is such an idiot. And then there was an issue with the soap. He had to get like six bars of a certain type of soap and he couldn't find it at the store. So then he was like calling in and there was like, I felt like it was like a 10

minute segment on the show dedicated to like walking joe through buying soap joe's an idiot every time they show him he is just dumb dumb dumb and dumber and jeff always every season has some moronic employee and i guess it's to make the show fun but yeah also if you look around really none of jeff's employees are very bright they have a new one named Vanina who seems semi-smart. She's been there for a year, for a few seasons. Oh, to me she's new. She seems okay because I guess there's someone who has to actually work in that place. But no one seems incredibly bright.

And I think it's because bright people are not going to be yelled at all day by that guy. He's so mean. He's very calm so far this season. He's only lost it a couple times. But he's so mean. Intelligent people aren't going to be yelled at all day by that guy like he's so mean he's very calm so far this season he's only lost a couple times but he's so mean intelligent people ain't gonna do that and i was like vanina what's she doing taking this and then i was like oh she's emotionally handicapped i understand now yeah she's like i won't speak to you for two weeks because you blamed me for the barbecue no totally wasn't my fault yeah but jeff was you know but i like the way jeff handled that well that's new like that's the new you want to talk about new beginnings okay okay jeff like

is actually growing and i'm guessing that he probably gets yelled at like that from gage or you know gage yells at him like that so i think he's probably like learning oh this feels horrible yeah exactly he's trying to be the man that he wants gage to become oh isn't that nice romance but in certain ways jeff is still the same because he totally was ridiculing joe because joe just uh didn't come into work because he got a concussion playing flag football lol and um and by the way how do you get a concussion playing flag football lol and um and by the way how do you get a concussion playing flag football like what were you if you get a concussion playing flag football you're doing it wrong so um you might as well just be playing regular football so uh so the best is

while joe is home sick jeff totally goes on to joe's instagram and trolls it like crazy just goes through all these photos and they're just like making fun of it and i was cracking up because that's i mean that's what that's what we do yeah and they were just going to and then the best is when they go to the one where there's a picture of a flower and joe writes life is like this flower you can't let its beauty go to waste and he spelled waste w-a-i-s-t i mean and they are just all cracking up because i hate hate Instagrams like that. I hate Instagrams that, like, they're trying to be inspirational, but it's really just a ploy for likes. Ugh, it's terrible. Oh, so you don't follow Yolanda?

Come on, man. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. So sorry. Look at all these bags under my eyes. But at least there's a sunset over the beach in Malibu. Did David won at the Grammys? You're so strong, girl. Oh, girl, you better hold it up over there.

You're so strong. You're so inspirational. Yeah, this is stupid. So, yeah, see, flipping out is kind of boring to talk about. Fuck it. Let's not talk about it anymore. It's funny. Well, in the end, Joe got fired.

That was what was good. Calmly. It's never talk about it anymore. I'm bored. It's funny. Well, in the end, Joe got fired. That was what was good. Calmly. It's never fun when you fire someone calmly. Jeff's like, look, we respect you as a human being, but you just don't fit in properly. And Joe's like, I thank you because I have learned things here. Maybe I will find a job somewhere else. The end. No, it's fun when Jeff is like, where's my goddamn receipt for Mondelez, you motherfucker?

And he bashes his head into the window and ruins his life. That's how to do it. Yeah, Jeff Lewis. Next time we see you, we're going to give you a piece of our minds. And then we're going to throw champagne at you, just like Brandy Glanville. And then afterwards we'll say it was all an elaborate joke on Andy

Cohen. No, I've met him. He's terrifying. I won't talk to him at all. I just sit there and listen to what he's talking about because he's always looking at people with that look. Like he's always doing, I mean, I guess that's what we do. So maybe that's why I'm afraid, but he's not real. Like he keeps asking questions, like he's listening to you and he's smiling and nodding, but it's, he's doing it in that way. He does on the show where he's just memorizing it and rewriting in his head to be funnier later when he's mocking you while yes exactly that's the thing you feel like he is just um gathering ammunition yeah and uh when we i think the last time last time i saw him was when we went to leo black's house

and if he was like i did not initiate anything with him like if he was with us because there was that moment and we were in that circle with Jeff and Gretchen and Slade and Leo psychic, which LOL, that is a very funny circle. No shit. When that psychic was giving Gretchen that reading in front of Jeff Lewis, I was about to piss on the floor.

He was trying not to laugh so hard. Yeah. That was very, very funny to me. And the psychic's like, red, blue. And Gretchen's like, pregnant? What? Baby?

I mean, I don't know. And he's like, orange. I see orange. Okay. In a nursery. And she's like, wait a second. I don't like oranges. And Slade can't have babies.

He had his tubes tied. Whatever. I was like, Gretchen, stop. He can't give me a reading if you're telling him everything. I know. I know. Yeah, that was, yeah, but that was an example of, like, that was pretty much the only significant interaction. I'd met him once before, Jeff, at, like, a party, like, six years ago.

But it was like a, hey, let's get a picture thing that I posted on my blog. But he's, I'm like, I'm intimidated, too too because I feel like he's secretly judging and mocking me. And not even so secretly because he looks at you like he's judging and mocking you. Yeah, exactly. So I just try to like – I'll answer any questions he asks for me, but I'm not going to try to like go and chat with him because I think he will immediately turn it into fodder. And I'm too sensitive. I'm too sensitive to try to like go and chat with him because I think he will immediately turn it into fodder and I'm too sensitive.

I'm too sensitive. I see pink. I see pink. My Bentley was repossessed. This guy's amazing. However, he's amazing. Oh my God.

Well, I think that's basically it, which is good because, uh, I have two canker sores In my mouth and every time I talk it hurts It hurts and on top of that You ever do that thing where you sneeze And then your throat hurts a little bit after It's like you pull a muscle in your throat

I totally did that during the podcast I put the mute button on when it happened So y'all didn't hear it hopefully And my throat is like like, killing me. Actually, I've been alone this whole time. It's been amazing. I'm just like, hi, everybody. Welcome to The Ronnie Show.

Right now, I'm looking at Google. Yeah. Meanwhile, I'm, like, falling apart here. My friends don't want to hang out with me anymore. And I'm going through a crisis. Man, maybe you're not on it. Maybe they have Android phones or something and they're not getting your text.

No offense, Android. I just got rid of mine, though, because of that. Mostly it was group texts. I was like, I didn't even know you guys were going here. Oh, I have a good... Oh, no.

I'll save my good story. I gotta pee. And nobody needs to hear it. Yeah. Well, some people need to hear it. Ben, I love you. I mean it. I will totally go to the OC fair with you if you give me a real invitation and not some pity thing because other people wouldn't go.

Maybe we can take Angie. Oh, my God. That's such a great idea. Or Amy Phillips. Let's take them all. I need to call Amy. You have to hang out with malls, too. Why don't we do that?

Why don't we have, like, a guest host party and just go to the OC Fair? Nobody knows each other. It'll be so fun. Yeah. Crapin's Fair. I'll bring a nice tall starbucks cup full of vodka and we'll do this right guys i love that let's go let's go to the fair and maybe we'll see some real housewives of orange county oh god in the fucking petting zoo zoo yeah well you know what? Last year, Michelle went to the OC Fair, and she wound up doing horseshoes or something like that. And she was standing in line behind Brooks. And he was wasted and saying something about, like, he was trying to win a veggie burger. He's like, I'm in line for some chemo right now.

It comes out of this machine like a fluffy cotton. She's like, that's cotton candy. That's delicious. If we went down there and we saw Shannon Bedore, I would be very excited. Shannon Bedore won't let her kids go to a sleepover. Bitch is not going to a place with that many germs. Too much fried food.

I can just imagine her with a big piece of funnel cake. They're a little spongy. She'll be like the boy in the bubble. They'll be like, okay, make way. The weird lady with the chicken neck's coming through. Move, clear, clear the aisle. She'll be like, David, David, David, David, like a hamster in a

ball, just pushing it forward. David, David, David, David. Have you seen my husband David at this carnival booth? Because if so, was he with somebody? And if so, he's never coming back to this carnival booth again. You should have thought of that before you let him toss a ring around the Coke can. Okay, mister? David never used to like the petting zoo.

David? Why is that llama looking at me like that? I want to know how many llamas have seen you with another woman. Because I'm having them all slaughtered, David. Tell me. I'm going to have them all slaughtered right now. David? David?

Why did you get me that stuffed animal? Are you saying I'm fat? David? David? It's been trespassed. David? Because you've been cheating. David?

David? David? Megan? Is Megan here? David? Look at that wild dragon ride that shoots fire all over people. Oh, it reminds me of that Valentine's gift you gave me after five years of not giving me anything, David. Wow.

All right. You know what? You know what? I start carnivals. Okay. I start carnivals, Megan. Miss 30-year-old Megan. Okay, Miss 30-year-old Carnival.

Okay, the show's over. Bye, everybody. Love you. Thanks for everything. If you like listening to comedy try watching it on the internet the folks behind the sideshow network have launched a new youtube channel called wait for it it's got interviews with comedians like reggie watts todd glass liza slicinger slicing driving friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there,

and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitforitcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you.

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