Watch What Crappens - #213: Mervyn's, Bras and Blazers

Episode Date: August 20, 2015

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog, Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) spend an hour and a half making fun of the dodo birds on the Real Housewives of New York Reunion, Part One of Thirty. Join us! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Claudia Catalina and Christy Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show! Welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about. I'm Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with the lovely, talented, and awful person, Ben Mandelker, of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast.

Hello, Ben. What a terrible thing to say, Ronnie. I can't believe you say I'm an awful person. How awful. You're awful, Ben. I'm terrible. Terrible. You're an insignificant arse.

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And there's different levels that you can subscribe at to get the bonus episodes and all that good stuff. And we have also added a premium premium subscriber. Yeah. And those are the names you hear announced on the show. PBS style. Yes. names you hear announced on the show. PBS style. Yes, PBS style. Of all of the people who are

our premium supporters. One day we're going to make statues and put them out front of our houses and they're going to say this statue is in the memory of Rosetta. Or whoever the hell. Whoever. It's Claudia and Christy. They got a bonus mention.

They got a bonus mention this week. Claudia and Christy, holler. They are our sugar mamas. And you could be our sugar mama, too. And I have to give a big thanks to everyone who tells all their friends about the podcast. And then they, in turn, support us on Patreon. It really means a lot. We had our hangout last night.

Aside from it being really fun, we had new people on it. New and returning guests. And it was really great how some of them like Chelsea and Mia were saying how they've told their friends about this podcast. And Lisa too. Everyone was saying it last night. I don't

mean to just cherry pick who said it. But they all tell their friends and in turn people are supporting us. It really means a lot. And I'll tell you, yesterday I went to lunch with a college friend of mine. He has been working in the film industry for the past 10 years or so and he's worked his way up. He's now, he's like an executive at a production company that's doing these blockbuster movies, like doing really cool adult stuff. And, you know, we're up, and it's like,

oh, what do you do? And I'm like, oh, I do impersonations of Ramona Singer on the internet. Okay. It's like, okay. It's like, okay, he's making huge movies, and I'm sitting here doing these impersonations. But the fact that we are now able to make a living at it makes it cool.

So thank you, everyone, who helps keep us as cool as we can possibly be in Los Angeles. Yeah, thank you, guys. I love this. I love this life. I know. I love it. I love it. I'm about that life. I know. I love it. I love it. I'm about that life. I was talking last night in our hangout

with everybody about how I miss depression because I'm really not suffering from it at the moment. And I've, I've been, you know, I've had such bad depression my whole life and recently I'm just medicated. So I'm not really feeling it. And there's a part of me that really misses it. And, um, I was sitting there last night thinking about that thinking god i wish i was depressed right now but i just can't be i mean it's really like we have a really fun life we get to do fun stuff kind of all day so thank you for everybody who helps with it i wake up and i'm like excited for podcast day also because i have a ritual which is that before the podcast i walk down to to Ralph's. I buy myself a Think Thin bar and a Starbucks coffee, and I really enjoy that.

So I'm like, yes, today is the day I get a Think Thin bar and a Starbucks. Think Thin, darling. Yeah, once again, it would be pathetic if I weren't making any money at it. But since we are able to make a life out of it, it's cool. You never know, Bean. I know. And actually, on more of a serious note, so Ronnie and I know each other,

we've known each other actually a long time now, Ronnie, like maybe 10 years at this point. No, maybe nine years. Nine years. No, because I started at TVGasm for season two of Top Chef, and it's about to be, what, 12? And that's only on once a year. Yeah, well, no, there was a period of time when Top Chef was on twice a year. But either way, we've known each other nine or ten years.

The reason why Ronnie and I know each other is because my friends and I, Joe, we started this site, TVgasm, back in 2004. friends and I, Joe, we started this site, TVgasm, back in 2004. And Ronnie came on as a writer, and then when Joe and I left the site, Ronnie came on and took it over. So we know each other from TVgasm. And before Ronnie, Joe and I were the main writers of the site. And we had sort of like a first wave of writers that we added uh one of whom uh was ed hill who's super popular with the pan a very very funny guy uh he got me started reading

that site because that i was uh i think i started reading that site with uh project runway which was it heel yeah no he's he's great and then he and uh uh a.k.a. Sdubs, I think that was his online name. Sgdub. Sgdub. I was like, that didn't sound right. Sdubs. Sgdub. They went on and they started their own TV recapping site called Mid-Season Replacements, which was also very funny anyway um ed hill recently announced literally i read this about an hour after i posted uh the previous episode uh titled uh asking questions looking for cancers okay uh oh god yeah and so then like an hour later ed announced on facebook you know that he had actually just been diagnosed two weeks ago with stage four esophageal cancer that had metastasized to his liver.

So he's getting treatment at Johns Hopkins, top doctors, et cetera. We are very hopeful for him and everything but I feel like if we learn anything where he's looking for some sort of fundraising or whatever you know we will let the world know but I think that you know just on this podcast where we talk about fake cancer so much with the exception of Daisy you know I think

we should it's wanted to just wanted to give our thoughts and prayers to Ed Hill Yes, Ed Hill He's of our tribe He's of our tribe He is Not the Jewish kind

Take care of yourself over there, Ed Hill Yes You're a pioneer Yes So, all our Everyone send good vibes to Ed Hill Yes Because he has real cancer

Not like Bravo cancer Yeah, don't just send him sides of queso okay from andalese well you probably could do that too i think he actually would enjoy that too um we're thinking about you thinking about you ed we love you yeah i love you buddy take care of yourself over there and cancer i know we we could probably think of no better way to honor ed hill than being super snarky about reality stars. Then talk about the cancers on television. Yes. The Real Housewives.

Yes. Who does? Yeah. That is so sad. Why does everybody have cancer? Can somebody please medically explain to me why the entire world has cancer now? Is it Monsanto? Are we still just going to blame Monsanto?

Monsanto? Are we still just going to blame Monsanto? Monsanto. It's the food supply because I've never, well, I mean, I mean, I guess I've been, I mean, I mean, that was a double I mean, all right? So that means I'm very serious about what I'm about to say. I guess that I've just never noticed or what? Or is it more cancer?

It seems like there's more cancer. I'm just going to go with that. Yeah. I don't know. It's a beast, that cancer. But hopefully someday someone will figure it out. Figure out a way. All I've got to say to Ed Hill is no more white bread for you.

No white bread. Yeah. Cancer loves white bread. Cancer loves that white bread, Ed Hill. No more. Okay. Unless it's his birthday. then you can get it a cancer cake then you can have some sake sake and two cocktails and some white bread but other than that no one needs drunk cancer okay um so the reason i'm uh talking like vicky and ramona's voice is because it's a real housewives of New York reunion, part one of 20.

Yay. I like that. That was a turn in a circle yay? No, I was going in and out of the microphone. I was going yay. It's a show that the yay was reverberating like a giant bell. Well, I would like to begin this by congratulating Andy Cohen on changing up his high structure. Because no longer is it, hi, Bethany. Hi, Heather.

Hi, Carol. Which is usually how he starts off every reunion. It makes me want to poke my ears out. But this time he did hi bethany wow people really thought you were a bitch this year hi heather wow a bra under a jacket nice work hi carol welcome back from the grave like he's added in like a little slight diss or a comment now. Did he even say, did he even say hi to the other women after Bethany? Cause as far as I could tell, most of this reunion was an interview with Bethany where other people were

allowed to chime in once in a while. Yeah. He was basically like, what do you think Bethany? Okay. Everybody else. What do you think about what Bethany thinks? So it was like,

Heather, I've never seen you so mad before in Sonia's foyer bethany what did you think about that heather are you gonna are you gonna retire holla bethany i'd like to hear your response first though next up we're gonna interview the foyer about what it thinks about bethany hey foyer what was it like to have bethany in there was it weird at first but then did it open up by the end of the time? The four-year is like, I finally decided to get warm when I saw Bethany come. They're like, whatever, four-year.

You said at lunch that you were going to freeze her out. It's like, you're lying. I never said that. Wait, can I do my impersonation of Kristen at the reunion? Uh-huh. Okay, here it goes. Anyway, that's it Come on, babe

She did have a moment where she talked about how she doesn't need boob tape And they saved that for the little Between the commercials minute And she did have a moment where she explained That she wasn't She didn't make a big deal about not being invited To Bethany's birthday She just merely said, why wasn't I invited?

Which, as we all know, is not making a big deal of it at all, right? Listen, that wouldn't be making a big deal out of it, but shooting a scene about being sad about it while you're watching a nanny wrap dinner in saran wrap for your husband because you don't want him to know that you didn't make it and then looking sad with your teeth. That is making a big deal out of it, okay? don't want him to know that you didn't make it and then looking sad with your teeth that is making a big deal out of it okay well she may not be included in bethany's birthday

but at least she's pretty put your sad teeth away have you noticed that her teeth frown i've never seen i've never seen teeth that can actually have expressions before but i swear to you her teeth frowned like three times today. I was like, am I seeing things or are her teeth moving? Oh, it's like the series finale of Family Ties when Alex B. Keaton is the giant tooth and

being like, I'm moving away, Mom. Do you remember that? You know who never got enough love from that show? Meredith Baxter-Bernie? No, she never got enough love from that show? That bulimic girl. Meredith Baxter Burney? No. She got plenty of love.

Are you kidding? She's still on Lifetime. And that's not her name anymore. How dare you? Meredith Baxter. Meredith, yeah. She got rid of the Burney. And became a lesbian.

Oh, wait. So, wait. Who is the bulimic one? Teeny Others. Oh, she's goth now. Did you know that? She is? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Goth bulimia. Totally in. Okay. So, anyway, back to the real. So, you know what? I have to say thank you to one more person, by the way, because I woke up today and I was like, where am I? Because I did not recognize the pillow I woke up on.

And I shouldn't be sleeping on this pillow. But I want to thank Trish because she is one of our listeners. And she made me. She has a pillow company called Cott by design cottage by design.com it's bags pillows bedding curtains slipcovers lampshades embroidery um and she actually made me a really gorge girl code pillow oh that's awesome it is so pretty so thank you so Trish. I woke up with that thing and I was like, where am I? I'm in a place way fancier than mine. And Bueller really enjoys sitting on that in my bed and getting dog hair all over it. So anyway, thank you.

Love gifts. Love them. Isn't that against girl code, having Bueller sit on it? Probably. So wait, before we get into the actual reunion, let's talk about the way people looked. I only have pretty much two observations. One, I thought I actually loved Bethany's hair. I love this hairstyle she's doing.

Yeah, really cute. Not everybody can pull that off. Because she went shorter, but she didn't do mom haircut. She just sort of made it look really cool. And it actually made her look younger, I thought, than the long hair. She didn't do the typical thing on the reunion, is where you have like big hair that's blown out and you know you're looks like you're auditioning to be on game of crowns she looked great and she was also wearing uh pants right she was wearing like pants and like just kind of a nice blouse she was she

wasn't in a fucking ball gown like everybody else yeah i know i don't remember what she was wearing because i just kept looking at the hair i was like that hair looks so good bethany good for you middle-aged prom now speaking of prom luann you know luann is usually a uh she's usually in the high high end of real housewives fashion she usually looks from the best of them she's got a borrowing card at every like high-end designer yeah well the dress she wanted maybe michelle obama took it because luann looked like she was in a costume from kb toys i mean that fabric it was literally like like cheap princess costume fabric right it looked like a ten dollar dress yes it looked like awful it looked like a

walmart costume for like a Walmart costume for a Disney princess. Right? It did. At first, I actually thought it was Trapper Keeper material, whatever goes around those Trapper Keepers. And I was like, no, it's actually just cheap $10 Kmart. That would be awesome if it was a Trapper Keeper. She's wearing a Trapper Keeper. She can open it up and file all of her bullshit in

there so she doesn't get so confused during a reunion next time it's like do you remember what you said because you know this was on tv right stupid you know that every time she's about to make a big statement here of the rings opening up as she takes out the piece of paper yeah she's like uh i'm just gonna unclick that entire chapter and pretend it was never in this Trapper Keeper. And we're like, damn it. We know that trick, Luann. Now, someone on our hangout last night said that was actually a dress from Luann's own collection. Which explains it, you know. Yeah.

I mean, I guess it makes sense. If you're going to get clothes from someone know, disposable plates and forks and stuff. I guess that's what you're going to get. Yeah. You know what? She needs to show off her Mervyn's line somewhere. Open, open, open, open. That entire side of the couch actually was not okay because it was Luanne, Sonia, Ramona, and theyinda. And they were all dressed.

You know, to me, they look like Miss Piggy outfits. And I'm not calling them fat. I'm just saying, like, Miss Piggy in the Great Muppet cape or whatever. Oh, God. I'm just, sorry, adjusting in my couch desk. In the Great Muppet cape or whatever. She always wears these, like, shiny satin dresses, like ball gowns that are just over the top. And that's what

they all look like but didn't miss piggy also wear a leather jacket at one point when she like broke out of jail was on a motorcycle wasn't for some reason i remember that that part that is so wrong wearing leather when you're a pig but anyway um well it'd be more offensive if she were a cow but um well that's true but i think that you should be on the side of animals in general if you're an animal right i think uh sonia was wearing the same dress as she's been wearing in her interviews which uh you know to me i'm like well that's sure if you like your dress wear it but it's sort of lol uh for you know it's like a definite faux pas yeah you can't wear the same thing twice unless you're selling it maybe she's selling that too i mean they're they're just all

wearing their products at this point yeah um heather's just wearing spanx i mean she was just wearing like one of her spanx bikini tops under a uh weird jacket thing what was heather doing i don't know you cannot sit there you cannot sit there and act like everybody's mommy when you're wearing a bra under a sports blazer it was very like early 90s uh like sharon stone or something like it was it was not right there was a famous actress who wore an outfit like that i don't remember who it was but you know when you make a fucked up face and then somebody slaps you on the back and the face sticks i think that when she was saying holla in the 90s somebody slapped her on the back,

and that day has just been replaying in her mind over and over. Because she just can't stop with the 90s crap. It's like a bra under a blazer. Holla. It's never going to go away. She looked like she was about to go off and perform in a video for La Bouche. It was definitely like some house music backup dancer shit. But it is good that we brought that up

in the same segment as Trapper Keepers because it's the theme, you know? We need to keep it all together. So yeah, my first note is Andy, hellos, good work. I love that I'm grading somebody who does not even give a shit about my opinion but i'm i always feel like andy deserves kind of a grade because he seems to be getting so much

better as the years go and then also so much worse in so many ways like the guy still can't make his um live announcements of and next coming up on watch what happens live we have the amazing and then it cuts to commercial. Yeah, that's what it always is like. It's always like, hey, guys, it's going to be an amazing show tonight. You're going to really want to stick around. We got a lot – And then he's like, oh, now we're back.

Then you hear like the chimes of like New York City coming backwards. So good. So anyway, yeah, we give him a lot of shit. But he seems to be getting so much better at it but um anyway more of that later but uh the first thing we talked about was uh he said heather when are you gonna retire holla and she scrunched up oh poor heather i feel so bad for her because you know that none of these women on the show are her real friends because someone would explain botox like whoever's giving it to her is just doing it wrong because all she only

has the scrunch of a nose right at the bridge i guess like right between her eyes is the only thing that'll scrunch so whenever she does it she gets like three scrunch lines on her nose bridge but then the rest of it doesn't move and it just makes me so uncomfortable it's like it looks like her nose is being bent i actually like her scrunch lines i feel like the scrunch lines make the expression look warmer oddly enough now if she does get on the bridge of her nose they're like in it's not where it's not where scrunch lines are supposed to it's not's not the wrinkles. You know what I mean? It's just that nothing moves except that. So it looks like you're bending a flexi arm of a lamp or something.

It just doesn't look right. I just don't like it. Wherever she gets her Botox, please do not see Ramona's lady. Because Ramona's lips were so Botox. She almost looked like a goldfish when she talked. Oh, those are fillers, Ben. Those are fillers. Oh, I thought it was the Botox. Either way, her lips were moving in a very strange fish-like pattern. a goldfish when she talked like she could barely oh those are fillers ben those are fillers oh i

thought it was the botox either way her lips were moving in a very strange fish-like pattern whatever you're doing yeah ramona's just looking crazier by the day ramona looks like a koi fish at this point basically a koi fish with big blonde hair i'm just waiting for her brain to start showing i've been in this pond for 83 years i'm'm sorry. It's my pond. I'm sorry. Sonia, can your hairstylist intent give me something to hide the brain that's growing on top of my head? This one time, I was swimming

around the pond, and someone threw a piece of bread in, and I was like, oh, good. Bread. But then I remembered I was on a low-carb diet, and I was like, I can't have this crumb. And then I remembered, I'm just a fish, so I had it anyway. Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry. So first we open with Heather. When are you retiring Hala?

And she gave her weird bridge scrunch smile. She was like, how about today? Right now. How about today? I was like, oh, you're so lighthearted, Heather. She's like, Hala is so outy 5000 the thing i love most about heather is that she's light-hearted that ended soon exactly well then also andy asked um luann he's like luann what are eggs a la frances and she's like well she's like oh well eggs a la francaise you know

it's just you just throw it a little wet and you just always you're always stirring them that you just keep them soft and maybe add a little bit of water and that's eggs a la francaise she said that as i was sitting there eating my eggs that i cooked in the exact same preparation i was like oh my god i'm eating eggs a la francaise and that's what i eat every single morning i used to call these scrambled eggs but now now it's all in French. I was just thinking, you know you're just describing scrambled eggs, right, bitch? Yeah, I know. How much are you paying somebody to make you that at home when they're just making you scrambled eggs?

She's like, you put eggs in a bowl and then you stir them around. And then while they're cooking, you stir them. And then they come out and they're like little chunks of eggs. And you can either eat them with a fork or put them on a tortilla whatever you know however you do it she's like have you ever had an egg prisian you basically take the egg you crack it but you don't disrupt it you drop it right into the frying pan and you just cook it you saute it in oil for you know maybe about six minutes or so and then just slide it onto the plate yeah bitch it's called a fried egg. The important thing is that you put the peanut butter on a knife. And then you take that knife and you lather gently the peanut butter on bread. And then, wait, hold on, this is the trick.

You put another piece of bread on top of the peanut. So the peanut butter is in between the two pieces of bread. It's called a pipiiala francais. Dorinda's like, what? You're 40. You can have it if you want to. It's called a sandwich. Just do it.

No, not a sandwich. If you don't want a pibiala francais, don't have a pibiala francais. Oh, pedestrian. Better back it up. Better back it up. Back it up. What was the thing that Dorinda was talking about last week that made no sense? That also was like on par with the sandwich thing um well last week it was just a bunch of blubber or blubber why am i saying that no it was it was that oh what was she saying i wish i kept

that note it was she was talking about something and we're like what what is that it was she made some very strange analogy um I don't even know. You can write about it on our Facebook page, because I can't remember what it was. But she made a bizarre analogy about something that didn't quite work. But we can stay on this opening for the entire show, probably, because it was actually gold. Like, adding those little statements to the opening really changed everything just andy saying like hi um hi luann you sure sound funny or whatever and she's like well it's because i've been singing a lot andy a lot and then they cut to carol like her eyes are in the back of her head

you know yeah and then when he said hi sonia look at you in the dress that looks like a leftover foil wrapping that you wore during your interviews. And Sonia's like, hi, Andy. Oh, I've paid off all of my divorce and even the extra fees that came along with it. And even the processing fees and even the two day mail fee that my ex-husband's lawyer charged. And everyone's like, great. She's like, and to celebrate, I went out with Princess Di last night. I totally partied with Michelle Obama's daughters last night. So I'm feeling great.

They don't think I'm a drunk. So yeah, that was fun and awkward. So anyway, so this opens with they all started talking about Bethany coming back and what that was like. And then they showed basically how Bethany was terrible at first and blah, blah, blah. And they showed this clip of Ramona going, Bethany, she's, like, she's crazy. I don't even know what she's like. I mean, like, I mean, even compared to me, she's crazy.

Like, I'm like flat water and she's like a tornado. You're flat water? I've never really, I don't know. I don't get it. Well, I had to write it down anyway. I, so Bethany was talking about her divorce at one point. And then Bethany, she was saying, it's been going on for three years. And then Sonya chimes in because they're like, wow, that's a long time.

And Sonya chimes in and she goes, I'm 10 years. I'm like, yeah, but you're the one holding on. It hasn't been like, oh, you've been trying to negotiate. It's like he probably wants it to be done in 10 days. And you're the one who will not sign those papers. Those probably have more dust on it than computer number three. Also, isn't her divorce finalized? What is she – like isn't that why they – isn't her divorce done?

She's not in divorce court, right? She's in – I have no idea. Oh, God. She's in so many courts. Every season she's always announcing that she's finally moving on and no. She's a very proud former dog owner. She can't even change her dress. How is she going to move on from an ex-husband

who supported her? And obviously she can't give up the Shaw years, which comes up later. So, you know, that woman is living in the past. And in the past she had dicks in her mouth and made a lot of money doing it. So, you know what I say? Good for you. Good on you, Sonja.

Good on you, Sonja. So, basically this was a big montage of what a bitch Bethany was at the beginning. But when it was all cut together like that, it was just beautiful to watch. The whole arc of her season was really fun. Because throughout it all, lighthearted or dark, she still maintained her hilariously bitchy-tude, which I loved. I'm sleeping. I'm going to sleep. I'm asleep.

I can't hear you. What? What? What are you talking about? Here's a stop sign. Stop sign up. Stop sign is up. And then just watching Heather get so mad in those clips.

I couldn't even give her a fucking meatball. I don't know how that hasn't become a meme this year. I don't know. Balls up. Balls up. Balls up. Maybe I know it all. Well, there it is. Maybe I do know it all.

There it is. And then she was just telling him, yeah, you know, I know that people kind of hated me at the beginning of the year. And they should have. I was, you know, I was being a bitch. But I can't really help it. And I have to deal with me every day. And trust me, it's worse for me. I was like, yeah.

It was a pretty self-aware response. And I was like, you know, I like that too. I was like, yeah, you know, Bethany, you have won your way back into my heart.

Yeah. And Carol kind of jumped on, I guess Carol and Bethany have become close since shooting wrapped or whatever. And Carol is jumping already on her defense about the husband. And cause Andy was giving her shit about the homeless thing. He's like, people got so mad when you called yourself homeless because you know,

there's like actual homeless people and like, you know, they have to ask for money and they have to write clever things on, on cardboard signs. And you know, they don't even have money for Sharpies. They have to raise the money to buy the Sharpies to write the memes. And she's like,

well, it just so happens that I have skinny girl sharpies available now for 50 cents it's like maybe they wouldn't be so homeless if they was if they weren't so fat you know it's more of an aspirational tool just want to be the size of the sharpie yeah the sharpie is pre skinny girl after skinny girl you become a Sharpie pen. Yeah. So she's like, I stand by it. You know, I was homeless, and people don't understand what it's like. You know, you can be a rich homeless person.

I was living out of a trunk, Andy. Well, that's Ramona's. I would have had to, like, change in the car right now. I would have had to change in the car. Do you know how hard it is to change into pants in a car? Oh, woe be Bethany.any yeah so she's stuck with that and i just love i just really love the way that housewives fans get offended over every little thing because he did bring up at least they're acknowledging twitter the past couple of years you know like

these reunions all turn into twitter wars or what happened on twitter and um i like that he keeps bringing up what the audience is mad about on twitter because it really is hilarious when you scroll through twitter and people are just like outraged it's like thousands of tweets of people just outraged that bethany would you know dare to call herself homeless when there's real homeless people in the world look what are you doing for the fucking homeless people you You're sitting at home watching Housewives. Shut the fuck up. Get out of here.

Yeah, good point. Good point. Yeah, that's right. That's right. I made it. I said it. I back you up, Ronnie. Anyway, Carol.

You made that sandwich, and I supported that sandwich. Carol jumped on her side and was saying, yeah, you know, because Bethany can't talk about her divorce because it's still going on. But she kept hinting about stuff, you know, saying like this stuff I can't talk about. But yeah, you know, because Bethany can't talk about her divorce because it's still going on. But she kept hinting about stuff, you know, saying like, this stuff I can't talk about, but it's horrific. It's horrific. You know, and horrific and awful. And, you know, when people see

the fame, they see a shiny thing and, you know, then they're not famous anymore and they want to keep the fame. They want to keep the shiny things from the fame. Sorry, Jason, the shiny things are gone. You know, so it's a fight about shiny things. And Carol piped in and said... The shiny things are on the other side of my wall and sorry my wall is up i got the shiny things on this side of the wall sorry berlin wall the shiny things are on the other side of the wall and someone from craigslist is going to come pay three thousand dollars for

it in about five seconds so just give me but carol said yeah we've become friends and it's hard for her she can't talk about it but i can and you know jason fucking that midget i was like whoa carol no but carol was saying um you know bethany will try and call jason six times in a row and he won't answer the phone is hard because she has a four-year-old and that's hard my god imagine how hard it is for jason getting six calls in a row from fucking bethany i know i know we're always supposed to choose bethany's side but uh you know that that six times was right in a row it's not like a week has passed and jason's like i refuse to call bethany back yeah no i i agree i think that's that's a phone call you just don't want to get no matter what even if you're happily married it's like oh it's bethany again yeah gotta hide bethany is the kind of girl who will be like i think he put my number

in the blocked id so i'm just gonna change my number she probably has like 30 google voice numbers that she calls jason with so that he'll just pick one up well i can't even imagine how she would uh like if you got a call from bethany if you answer it you'd be like hello she's like so what's going on what's going on on? We got Brittany going on here? Is Brittany going to come to the phone? What are you doing now? Are you in the kitchen right now? Are you making yourself a snack?

Are you in the living room? What's going on here? I don't get it. I need to know these things. What's happening right now? My wall's up. Wall's up. Now, I don't know anything.

What's going on over there? Did she have a juice? Did you have a juice? I want to hear it from her. Did she have a juice? I mean, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that I don't know you. I mean, I haven't been married to you in a long time.

I don't know you. You know, it's like talking to a stranger on the phone. Look, I almost don't know Brad anymore. Put her on the phone. I need to know her. I don't remember what she looks like. I don't know you. Why are you crying? I don't know you. Tell your father. He knows you. He knows you. Did you take a nap today? Did you go to the bathroom? What did you do first, bathroom or nap? I mean, shoot me right now. I mean, so many things just have to happen right now. I mean, it's like, just kill me. just put me down on the floor just put me down

like a big old bear just put me down just kill me in the forest and just drag me down to a river and just dispose of me okay too much okay you know what just just put right on the phone okay so that was that i'm looking through my uh looking through my notes so heather Heather. By the way, I'm still trying to think of what the hell Dorinda said like a week or two ago. It's like killing me that I can't remember the weird thing. Wasn't that the one where you're talking about when they were at the party or whatever and she's like, well, sometimes she says that she's, you know, sometimes she's like emotional. Sometimes she's here. It's all done.

Something like that. Didn't you have it recorded? No, the thing that I have recorded is her just babbling. That's a different thing. It was something pertaining to, I don't know, it was like she made some very strange thing

where she was describing, I think it was actually the episode where she went to London. She was describing what it was like, like her feelings. She said something like, I'm like a bowl of Skittles or something like that. She was describing what it was like, like her feelings. She said something like, I'm like a bowl of Skittles or something like that. It was something so bizarre. Do you remember at all? I was like, oh my God,

this is going to be our new running bit to go along with the sandwiches. But it never became our bit. And now I've erased the notes. I don't know. Now it's over. Well, she can never replace it. You better back it up, mister.

Back it up. Rip your balls off and shove them down your throat, mister. Yeah, back it up. Back it up. The only thing I have recorded of Dorinda is her saying this. The more she does, the more she's doing better than she knows she's doing. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, she's doing great.

She's doing better than she knows. Oh, it's killing me. It's killing me. I'm going to think about the entire podcast. What did Dorinda say? What did Dorinda say about herself? It's basically like playing Mad Libs. You could just put a bunch of blank spaces on one of those paper menus from the Italian restaurant.

Just fill shit out. She's probably said it at some point. God bless her little heart. God bless her. I just have to erase it in my head. the italian restaurant just fill shit out and she's probably said it at some point yeah god bless her little heart so heather came heather did that housewife thing where she is just so mad about how people are treating her on twitter basically because that's twitter is basically everyone's motivations for everything on housewives like when you're ever looking into the reason that anybody is doing anything you know people will do internet searches or you know pay experience or whatever to find out the dirt just

go on twitter because it's all the motivations are there like we don't even need csi anymore they just need to have something where people are solving crimes by reading twitter statuses because you get a lot of emotions there but anyway, Heather's all mad because people are hating her on Twitter this season. So she came ready. She came armed with all of this stuff. And she didn't really wait for the appropriate time. Like, you're supposed to wait until you're actually fighting with somebody to start yelling at them. But Andy was like, welcome to the reunion, Heather.

Enjoy the bra under the blazer. And she's like, well, i had lunch with luann and luann made a toast about hating bethany so there you go that's all i have to say about it everyone's like whoa yeah and and and i don't remember saying that i didn't i didn't say that but it was typical luann lie where she doesn't even pretend that she doesn't remember. She just goes, well, if I said it, I don't remember. You know, she's like not offended at all. Like, of course she said it. Yeah.

But I actually think she said it as a joke or one of the Luann type of jokes. Yeah, I do, too, because she's saying Bethany's coming back. Let's all take her down or whatever. Yeah. I don't know. We already went through that whole fight on The Real Housewives of Melbourne. Yeah. When Gina said, there's two new people coming on the show, girls.

Let's take them down. And then everyone at the reunion was like, Gina said to take Campbell down. And Campbell was like, take me down from where? Why am I always on top of things? You don't have to rescue me. Wolfie, take me down from where? Why am I always on top of things? People always have to rescue me. Wolfie, take me down. Oh, Wolfie. That's a successful, successful joke that Luan made, I think.

It's just naughty humor. I can appreciate that as a Spanish. Luan's like, in my defense, I didn't make a toast. I made pain au la francais so anyway Heather came right out with that and then nobody believed her and nobody even cared I mean

I mean she didn't do it so I mean whatever what do I care I wasn't there I didn't know Heather during that toast so it didn't count I didn't know the glasses that were know, whatever. What do I care? I wasn't there. I didn't know Heather during that show, so it didn't count. I didn't know the glasses that were being held up, so what do I care? Maybe the glasses hated me. Maybe people filled their glasses with liquids that hated me. What do I care?

I don't know that liquid. Who cares? I don't know. Who cares? I don't know. Ramona made out like a bandit this first hour, by the way. She was so out of the fray. It was actually shocking.

I was surprised. Well, they always save that shit for last. You can't just have NeNe Leakes, you know, screaming at everybody. Hold on! Hold on! I mean, you can't open with that. You know, you have nowhere to go. They're like, NeNe, you just sit there until the end.

Keep your boobs Vaseline'd up and we'll get to you in hour nine. Okay. Yeah. And Ramona got the NeNe treatment today, get to you in hour nine. Okay. Yeah. And Ramona got the Nini treatment today, which means it's going to be bad. Yeah, that's true. Oh, it always is. It always is. So Heather kept on with this stupid, stupid toast thing, even after everybody didn't care.

And she's like, well, you know, Luann and Ramona had old axes to grind with you. It's like, talk about old axes. Even Bethany didn't care. She's like, oh, okay. Yeah. Bethany's like, if they called me a bitch, it's because I'm a bitch. It's who I am. I'm fine with it. I'm a bitch. There. Stitch that

on a pillow, Trish. I'm a bitch. The end. I'm a bitch. And guess what? The stop sign is up, okay? You can't drive past us. You get a ticket, alright? Stop sign. Stop'm a bitch. The end. I'm a bitch, and guess what? The stop sign is up, okay? You can't drive past us. You get a ticket, alright? Stop sign. Stop sign's up. Stop sign. Red light. She did keep bringing up all her keywords here, keyword phrases in this. Yeah, she did.

No, I know I had a wall up. Yeah, I know I had a wall up. You know, that's what I just, I need to have a wall up sometimes. I mean, if you ask me a question about this, you know, every moment with Brynn is platinum, okay? Every moment is platinum, all right? And it's sort of platinum that, like, if you touch it, you're going to get radiation, okay? You know, it's like a radioactive metal, in fact.

It's like mercury. Like, don't touch it. You'll die immediately. So the wall is up around me and Brynn, okay? So I just want to talk to Sonya, all right? Wall is up. Stop sign. Stop.

No. Traffic. Stop. Go. Stop. Stop. Traffic jam. You know, Heather, here's the thing with you.

You're trying to get to know me, but then you're trying to come into my parking garage, but it's $30 to get in, and you sit there in the entrance, and you complain that it costs $30 to get in. You don't just pay it. And so before you know it, there's a whole line of people trying to get into the parking entrance, and you're just sitting there in your SUV, and you're complaining about the $30. You know, pay the $30 and the wall goes up. The wall goes down.

The wall that's up, it comes down. You pay the $30, the wall comes down. You drive over it, you park, and then the wall goes back up. It's simple, but you won't do it. You won't pay the $30. So wall's up. Wall's up. Wall's up.

And you know what? If you want to get to know me, you know what? You got to travel the road to get to know me, all right? And you know what? If there's a stop sign, you got to stop at the stop sign, all right? Because there's stop signs on the road. That's the way roads work, all right? If you don't stop, you're going to have a car me, all right? And you know what? If there's a stop sign, you got to stop at the stop sign, all right? Because there's stop signs on the road. That's the way roads work, all right? If you don't stop, you're going to have a car accident, all right?

And you know what? Get out of the HOV lane, okay? You know, you're one person in the car, all right? Unless you have the fast track, you can't go in the HOV lane, okay? One person, stop at stop signs, all right? Go into the green light, then stop at the next red light. And then there's a yellow light. Slow down a little bit.

But the red light, then stop. Then green. Go again, all right? And then you get into me, okay? Then walls up. It's like when you're taking directions on the map quest, you know? You're asking it where to go, and then it tells you where to go, and then you're like, I don't know where to go. Look at the

direction list. There's a direction list right there. It says go left, go right, do this. You don't listen to it. And then you wonder why you end up, you know, in the middle of nowhere, not able to park because you didn't bring any cash. You know, that's your fault. So, you know, I'm a bitch, but you're a hoverer. Get out of the hub lane. Get out. You know, that's your fault. So, you know, I'm a bitch, but you're a hoverer. Get out of the hoveling. Get out.

You know what I got to say, Heather? You know, like when you're driving, okay, and you see a sign that says yield, and you're like, do I go? Do I stop? You know what? Stop. Just stop. All right?

Just always stop. Every time you do something, just stop. Anytime you see a sign. If you see a sign that says 30 miles per hour, it should be zero miles per hour because you should be stopped immediately. You know, it's nice not to be homeless anymore and finally be in my own apartment. But I have to tell you, that apartment has so many walls up. I just, you know, sometimes I just want to talk to you.

I'm just waiting for it to know me. And then the roof's going to fall on my head. So it's like you can't win, you know? I can't wait. You know what? I can't wait to see the sequel to The Maze Runner this fall. All right? So many walls in that movie.

Just a movie full of walls. Wall after wall after wall. I haven't been this excited since I saw Labyrinth for the first time in 1986. So many walls in that movie. Just a movie full of walls. Wall after wall after wall. I haven't been this excited since I saw Labyrinth for the first time in 1986. They should have called that movie I Don't Know Him Runner. Because there's walls up everywhere.

And why shouldn't there be? He doesn't know that maze. He doesn't. He doesn't. That's, you know, it's just walking around, watching walls go up and going around them.

It's amazing. Best movie of the year. Yeah. Everybody had a problem with me in the beginning. It's because they didn't watch Maze Runner, and they don't know how to go around walls. You know, like there's a wall up. Go around it. You know, behind, you'll find a parking structure that's actually got decent spaces that you'll tell your friends about. You know, you'll give the parking structure a good Yelp review.

Go around the walls. That's it. You know what you should do? Listen to some Pink Floyd. Listen to The Wall. Best song of all time. Best song of all time. The only problem with that is that The Wall comes off or on,

and then that changes the whole thing, because it's not just a wall up or down anymore. Now it's a wall on, wall off, you know? So The Wall could be down, and then you're trying to walk through it, but, I mean, The Wall could be down, and you're trying to walk through it, but then the wall could be down and you're trying to walk through it but then boom the wall's on and so it's invisible and you just bump into it jarenda's like they have those in london hey you know what i just saw a very scary movie the other day it's called casper the friendly ghost you know why it's scary because that ghost can walk through walls and i do not approve that

okay my wall is up for a reason i don't need a ghost coming through, okay? Unless it's the ghost of Brynn, and God forbid, okay? I have to say, though, Casper walked through my walls, and he got me to eat some mac and cheese. So, you know, at the end of the day, I felt better, because I ate. And Heather's like, I told you! That's all I wanted was for you to eat a little something. Damn it.

You know, I'm actually very excited to go to the zoo, because I hear they have this new exhibit called Walls R Us. Oh, it's called Walruses? Oh, never mind. I thought they had – they put some walls behind the bars and you could look at the walls in nature. But I guess it's just Walruses. Never mind.

I thought it was a store. I thought it was a store where you can go and get walls. You know, Walls R Us. Love it! So then Andy staying with the... How does Bethany feel about how you feel? About how she feels? Staying with that whole thing.

He stayed on Heather. Because no one fell for the toast thing. So that was supposed to be this huge fight that turned into nothing. It was... You know, it fizzled more than a bra under a blazer. I was about to make a joke about something like that. Like, just go back to your, like, just like the bra under a blazer. Go back to your CeCe Penniston video.

Shouldn't you be trying on some parachute pants somewhere, Heather? Shut the fuck up. So Heather, Andy just stayed on heather and uh went right into the uh you know people got mad at bethany about saying stuff about homeless people but heather you know you compared her abusive childhood to losing your nanny which was fucking hilarious and uh the ladies kind of let her off on that too like no one cared they're like ah she just she didn't mean it. You know, she's Heather.

She doesn't know. And Heather was like, listen, auntie, let me explain to you what it's like. We didn't think we could have a child. And then we got pregnant. And then we found a nanny. And then we found out that the child couldn't hear. And then the nanny was there reading instruction manuals on deaf children right next to us. And, you know, that's a big deal.

That is a big deal. You know, the nanny learned to stop turning up the volume. You know, turning up the volume doesn't help anybody. And she learned that right along with us. And then she left. Do you know what it's like training new nannies? Do you know how hard it is? You get a new nanny in there and they're turning up the volume all the time on the TV.

It's like, he is deaf. He can't hear the TV. Stop turning it up. They're like, oh, okay. That's all you had to say, Heather. That's all you had to say. I know. Fucking Heather.

She's like so out of it. And she's just stood by it the whole time. Yeah. It's an employee. It's different. It's an employee. They're like family. And Luanne's like, don't confuse my argument before I even start it, please.

Yeah, I know. Meanwhile, and then the 90s house music comes on and Heather walks away. Holla! Bye, mamas! She's like doing the running man out of the room. All right, let's stop that. She's like, I'd like to end this argument with the roger rabbit thank you

yeah so that was pretty uh gross and then i wrote it's sorry to feel sorry for heather talking about her disabled son when she's sitting there in a bra like i'm sorry i don't know what it is i cannot feel anything for you when you're wearing a bra. Like, I'm sorry. I don't know what it is. I cannot feel anything for you when you're wearing a bra under a blazer. I can't do it. Like, your eyes may be crying, but your bra under the blazer is just saying, help me.

Help. Stop accusing me. It's like, where's my nanny? So what happened next, then? Well, so what happened next, I believe then they started talking about just the way Heather

and like the birthday Heather told Kristen about it and that's when Kristen was like oh I wasn't upset or anything I just asked why wasn't I invited which by the way is the sort of question you ask when you're upset I'll let Kristen have it because it was her one way is the sort of question you ask when you're upset but uh i'll let i'll let

kristin have it because it's her one line of the entire show but um and also heather did make a much bigger deal because kristin was like oh that sucks oh my god the maid's almost done with dinner should i put it in a ziploc or should i wrap it in saran wrap will josh be able to tell that the bowl is cold or will the microwave heat the bowl and will the bowl break if i put it in the mic actually that's more than she said the entire season isn't it i'm giving her so much credit well what i liked about all this was that um you know there was this whole question about you know when heather found out that kristen wasn't invited how she she allegedly said like well i just you know like wow you know she said she responded to bethany in a way that they said was

patronizing and heather's like no I don't talk patronizingly. And then Ramona's like, well, you know, you talk a little bit. And then Heather literally goes, all right, Ramona. I'm like, you just spoke patronizingly to Ramona. What are you talking? She's like, I don't speak patronizingly. Whatever, Ramona. Ramona's like, you scolded her.

You scolded her. You did. You scolded her. And Heather's like, I did not scold her, young lady. Hand me that butt. I'm going to spank that butt, young lady. How dare you? Well, the best part is that the way Heather's spin on the whole situation, why she told to Kristen, was she goes, you know, I just want everyone to be out.

You know, information is power. Okay, Google. Yeah, and then I love that Sonia laughs. She starts laughing to Dorinda or to Ramona. She's like, information is power. Somebody told her you weren't invited. Great moment of empowerment. You're a real Wikipedia over there, Heather.

Thank you. Thank you for everything you're doing for our youth. Well, since information is empowerment, let me give Heather some empowerment. You got to know when to shut up and put on a shirt. Consider yourself empowered now. I know that Yummy has not stolen the t-shirt yet, but you should still look into it. By the way, I totally have Gypsy Woman in my head now because I played that one snippet.

Now it's going to be in my head now because i played that one snippet i think so much of the crystal waters on one of these shows make make her the next housewife put her on atlanta real houses of atlanta featuring crystal waters um bueller my dog bueller uh is very depressed because i've been in the house so much, like, I haven't been taking him to have any fun. And so he's doing bad things to act out, like, you know, eating, you know, ripping up toilet paper or whatever. So today I'm trying to be nice to him, and he's just giving me these dirty looks. Like, I'm petting his butt right now, and he's giving me this look like, you so don't even mean that. Like, you don't even mean it. He's like, you know, you speak very patronizingly yeah he's like all right you're totally scolding me right now with your butt

scratch bueller i mean it i love you i'm obsessed with you okay do you believe it now do you believe it so so then the heather ridiculousness continued because then they started talking about the trip to atlantic city and foyer gate wherein um he so mad, which is, by the way, continues to be the greatest opening scene of any Real Housewives, probably just opening on Heather. I think this even beats the christening. You remember the christening when everybody like there was a full on brawl and all of that. And that was Jersey. So you kind of expect it like it was shocking, but not really. That still took like 90 seconds before something crazy happened.

This one, the show opened up with Heather being like, you're going to make us wait? Bitch! Bitch! Yeah, screaming bitch in the foyer. That was amazing. And the cameraman trying to get it from outside because they weren't letting either.

So good. So they're rehashing that. And Sonia has this crazy story about how her sister's best friend died and therefore the women had to stay in the unheated cold foyer that was the size of an elevator and and and you know so he's like well you know what you know what what could i do you know i didn't know they were down there you know i was on the phone i what you know you know i i i i had john john on the other line and my sister, too, and I just couldn't get downstairs. But I love how Heather, she's like, I would never, you know, I would never make my friends wait.

You know, all my friends are welcome at my home. You know what? If people have a flat tire in the Berkshires, I let them in. And Dorinda's like, thank God. I never would have seen the house that my father bought me when he was repairing telephones. I never would have known what a house in the bookshelves looked like if it didn't have bright blue walls on it. Sonya is such a liar, and I love it because everybody else is just like, oh, Sonya, there's Sonya lying again. But Heather just can never let anything go, no matter how stupid the fight is.

And Bethany was like oh god you're a lot over there today and heather's like oh you just wait i've got a lot more i'm just getting started and i was like wow well so far you've fought about um nothing so you fought about a toast that meant nothing and then a cold foyer. So what exactly do you have up your, you know, blazer sleeves, Heather? She was like,

she was like, Hey mama, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. That whole foyer thing.

Sonia is such a liar. First of all, of course she didn't let them in her house. That's why no one was in her house. Second of all, when Heather's like, Oh, we were

not just in the foyer it was cold we were all cold in the foyer because it's not heated and sonia's like oh how dare you my foyer is heated she's like there is a kerosene lantern in there yeah i have pickles standing there holding two birthday candles don't tell me it's not heated she got wax on her fingers do you know how difficult it was for me to type an email that week? Very difficult. Very difficult. And Pickles worked hard on those birthday candles. She made them out of candles four and five.

But also, Sonia seems to forget scenes that she shot, like last year when she was doing something where she borrowed a friend's house to have a party because she didn't have a house to have a party and so she borrowed her friend's house and uh she was like oh yeah it's so nice to be in a house with heat because you know i won't turn the hot water on uh because it costs money in the house remember she wasn't turning on like her heat yeah she had pickles like bringing in bottles of water that she got off craft services and like bathing her with it with a sponge.

That is right. Sonia, don't lie. We all know that heat wasn't on, girl. Keep your pores closed, though, darling. So well done. Well done, Sonia. So, foyer drama, limo drama, be peeing on the road. Oh, then we turn into alcoholism.

Well, I loved when they were talking about in the limo, like, you know, that Andy asked Dorinda, what was this like for you? You know, you were sort of thrown into this craziness and saying how, like, they were yelling. And then on top of that, they started to drink. And Dorinda's like, well, I wasn't drinking, you know. Morning drinking makes me throw up. Classic Dorinda. I reserve my throwing up in the morning from the night drinking from before otherwise it's just throwing up all day who wants that nobody wants to throw up i'm 40 years old i

don't want to throw up sandwich you know you sandwich you sandwich your day with throw up at the beginning and throw up at the end who wants that it's a throw up sandwich i'm old enough to say no to it let's just say that i used i. I used to drink in the morning, and then one day a red balloon came in, and I knew never drink in the morning again because what if another red balloon comes in? I don't want the red balloon to see me throwing up. It's disgusting. He's never going to want to fuck me again. So Bethany, of course, is like, you don't seem to have a problem with your alcohol over there.

You drink plenty. She's like, I said, you don't seem to have a problem with your alcohol over there. You drink plenty. She's like, I said the body. Stop trying to fight with me. I'm a drunk, but I'm a night drunk, okay? Where it's okay. No one's robbing a Target drunk at night. That shit happens in the day. Don't drink in the day.

No one understands it. I've tried it for years. By the way, morning drinking is so fun and you don't you won't throw up if you drink in the morning so i encourage everyone to do it unless you're an alcoholic i do love this dorinda sticking up for bethany's birthday party thing when uh yeah it wasn't invited because it really wasn't a big deal the only one who made it a big deal was heather and kristen was like i mean whatever like saran wrap and then dorinda's like i wasn't surprised because why would i be invited i just know you know i just met you i didn't i

don't know you you don't know me why would i be invited to your party i mean i don't know you like look at my party when you came to my party i mean you didn't know me and you were still invited to my party but you know you came i was shocked when you came i was like what's she doing here she doesn't know me you know it's like the same thing i'm like yeah it's not the same thing because you invited her to yours even though you didn't know her do you see the difference but like dorinda's so nice that she'll gloss over everybody's awfulness by saying something nice and it's like no actually you just pointed out how awful bethany really was right yeah i like it i don't know if she's being sneaky But I like it Well I love everything Dorinda does

To be honest And I still can't figure out what the hell she said the other day I cannot let it go Killing me So we got this thing to go to Atlantic City And I'm peeing on the side of the road You know who else does that? Homeless people That's who

So oh I'm sorry am I too rich to pee on the side of the road? Anybody twitter else does that homeless people that's who so oh i'm sorry am i too rich to pee on the side of the road anybody twitter about that you got that on your twitters uh so then stop sign stop and pee sign stop stop the pee so then we move on to uh sonia being a drunk oh my god this was so fun because like any any drunk, you know that the other person is a drunk when they're just in a lie-deny spiral. You know, lie slash deny. What are you talking about? I wasn't drunk. So I had a couple drinks. So what was the big deal?

One drink, I'm drunk. So, you know, I have one drink and then boom. One drink, a buzz. Two drinks, I'm fucking a kindergartner. It's just how it works. I mean, what can I say? What, am I supposed to have one drink? I mean, who of buzz two drinks i'm fucking a kindergartner it's just how it works i mean what can i say what am i supposed to have one drink i mean who's gonna want to serve me no waiter wants to serve someone having one drink i'm like that's ridiculous i don't want to be rude oh sonia poor diluted sonia well i mean the the best part about this whole thing about sonia's drinking was that it eventually segued into her talking about

JFK Jr. Oh my god. I partied with John John and Madonna. Well, John John's dead, so that's rough, you know. He's that blue balloon over there. John John died waiting for you in your foyer.

John John died, but you know what, though? I got a balloon toy. It's a dog dog it's john john coming to see you the craziest thing happened after john john died i was walking on the street and i walked by a clown and there was a balloon he was holding a balloon and i thought that's john john that's john john and carol's like you see in that boat that blue balloon it wasn't partying was it because john john didn't party well it was it was a kind of a crazy moment because you hear sonia was talking about how she and john john were friends they used to party and carol is like well uh i don't like you saying this because he was like my family i was really close to them and no one he did not like being called john john so you obviously were not friends with him.

And then Sonya was like, no, Jon Jon was my friend. It's not a pissing match. You're being crazy right now. Everyone's like, yeah, but Carol's his family. And they were like, yeah, that's family. And she's like, whatever.

Look, all I'm saying is that I loved parting with Jon Jon. And Carol's like, but the point know, look, all I'm saying is that I loved partying with Jon Jon. And Carol's like, but the point is he didn't party. He was only about his family. He didn't like to party or drink or have any fun. So it's offensive when you say that to people because they remember him just being sober and handsome. And she's like, well, you know, look, all I'm saying is that when I was in Saudi Arabia working as a hooker, that Jon Jon liked getting his dick sucked and partying. I mean, that is back when Jon Jon knew how to party.

I mean, those were the days, right? Carol's like, no, he didn't party. She's like, oh, well, you know, in my memories, I partied with Jon Jon. And those were great days. Great days. Jon Jon sure knew how to party in the 80s. I was like, oh, oh my god she's never gonna stop this bullshit

she's gonna repeat it over and over and I like that Carol started that with well look I know that you're a drunk but I know that you see pink elephants but then leave it to Luann to interject when Carol when Carol was saying like no he's like he may be may have been your friend

but he's my family. And then Luann goes, well, I'm glad you're concerned about family, Carol. Oh, God. Cut fitness. Cut fitness alert. Since when do you care about family?

You probably immediately slept with John John's wife. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly.

There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harreld, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt

to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Which obviously is impossible because that was a terrible crash. I don't even know what I'm talking about. So John John, okay, here's my main question from all of this. It's not like,

why does Sonia not realize she's an alcoholic? Because, you know, she probably does and that's why she's lying. My question is, what kind of Kennedy was John John that he didn't party? Hello? Have you climbed your family tree ever?

Have you ever had to do your family tree project? Like on Married to Medicine. Because every branch is wobbly on that tree. They're all drunk. That family knows how to party. Come on. Yeah, I thought that was one of John John's defining attributes. He was a little bit of a man about town at a certain point in his life.

He was hot, right? Wasn't he? Yeah. He was the hot young one, right? Who started a magazine. What was the magazine? George, I think. Oh, George.

Yeah, he started like a details kind of magazine. He was really hot. Yeah, it was like a GQ meets some sort of political magazine. I'm so sure he was just staying home all the time, just worried about family. He's like, I'd love to be partying right now and getting all the pussy in America, but I'd really love to know how my mom's doing

while she knits his mom. You know, speaking of George... I can't even talk about this. I'm so stupid. Speaking of George Magazine, now might be a really good time to mention something from our sponsor next issue let's do it hold on i have to switch over to the proper window yes i you know ronnie you just sort of served up in a on a silver platter i wasn't

going to stop and do it right now but i mean now is a good time as i need to talk about next issue um because guess what everyone your time is precious and you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there. But who has the time to sift through all the nonsense on the Internet? For those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's next issue. Next issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Iconic magazines like People, Vogue, Esquire, Time. Ben's looking at Men's Health Details. Ben has become a man looking at that next issue.

Ronnie, you're not at the ad lib part of our ad yet. Yes, it is. It says, please include all of the following points during your read. Well, I thought the ad lib was the last part of our read. Either way, next issue lets you dive deeper into the story with interactive content for a richer reading experience. Yeah. Sign up for next issue right now. You'll get immediate access to all of the top magazines, including back issues and exclusive videos and photos.

You know what magazines can't do move that's right you know i have to say so ron and i actually were playing around with next issue before the show began and this is i'm not gonna lie this is our first time actually going on next issue because we we weren't members before but now we are god it's actually really cool i was like i was sitting there i was like Oh my god they have this So I subscribed to the New Yorkers That way I could seem smart And then I also subscribed to Men's Health

That way I could try to get into shape And I think I also subscribed to GQ So I could get fashionable And I feel like there was one other magazine And Entertainment Weekly Yeah that's not the manly one But you did pick a bunch of manly ones And it's really funny because i this way you can dabble right you're not getting like the subscription that you're paying for for 30 years where it's like 10 a week or whatever and

then you're like why did i ever subscribe to men's fitness it's like another article about push-ups like you cannot reinvent the push-ups i don't care how hard you try. But this way, you kind of get to dabble. And I have a feeling you're going to download all these manly magazines. And then you know you're going to end up with better home and gardens. I know. At the end of the day, you're going to end up with total mom zines. Yeah. I know.

I probably will. But for right now, I like it. And I plan to read at least two paragraphs from The New Yorker next time I'm on the toilet. Yeah. So this is like parting with Sonya in the 80s. You don't have to just subscribe to one. You can try all the magazines. You know, have sex with every single magazine.

And then later on, decide which one you want to let into your foyer or not. Yeah, exactly. So Next Issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com forward slash crappins and again you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com slash crappins yes nextissue.com slash crappins and you know what you guys actually do we love that you guys actually have been buying this because uh next issue switched they have some new people working with them and they were like oh yeah we're keeping your account We love that you guys actually have been buying this because Nextissue switched. They have some new people working with them.

And they were like, oh, yeah, we're keeping your account because your people actually engage. And they use Nextissue, which is awesome. Yeah, thanks, guys. I think it's because Ramona Singer did our ad. Yeah, well, so speaking of engaging. So back to Sonia. Oh, we're going to get engaged to my nephew next? Oh, that's great. Oh, my niece is pregnant. Why don't you just start having sex with her baby right now just stick something inside of her

just go ahead do it stop sign so what I love though is as Sonia is talking about all the fun times she had partying with John John and the like at one point Ramona just puts an end to it she just turns to everyone. She's like,

listen, you know what? Sonia lived a very colorful life. And if she wants to stay in these delusional phases of her life, just let her, just let her. It's okay. And it was funny.

Cause like, so he was right there, but at certain point Ramona's like, let's just talk like she's not even there. Cause Sonia's not even here anyway. So he's like, thank you. Thank you for letting me stay in my delusions.

If she wants to pretend she's on a yacht in Saint-Tropez, just let her. That's just what she wants, okay? Okay? That's it. That's it. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Andy, next question. You know, if John John didn't like being called John John, you know, maybe he told Sonia,

you're the only one allowed to call me John John. I mean, who are you to argue? You know, if you're kids, which you don't even have kids, but if you did, you know, they had an imaginary friend, what, are you going to sit there and fight with the kid about it? No. Just give him some colors and have him go color in the corner for an hour. Because then you won't have to listen to your kid bitch at you for another hour. You know, that's what you do with Sonia.

Give her some colors, let her go in the corner and talk to John John. You'll be happy you did it. Here, I have three coloring books right here, right now, in fact. Okay? So, Sonia, here are your coloring books, okay? Go take them into the corner and talk to John John. You'll be happy you did it. Here, I have three coloring books right here right now, in fact. Okay? So, Sonia, here are your coloring books. Okay? Go take them into the corner, alright, and color them in. Here's some colored pencils. Have some fun. Okay?

She's like, um, actually, these are just pictures of Mario sleeping with somebody from page six. Well, color them in, then. There's some colors. What are you waiting for? What, are you going to judge my coloring book? Listen, I know these aren't like they were in your time, which was very colorful. Okay? Whoa, whoa.

This is weird. Okay, this is really taking me back right now. Oh, my God. So this reminds me. When I was a little girl, I used to love coloring things in. And one time, I found a coloring book, and I colored it in. I colored green in all the trees and brown in all the trunks. And I made a whole nice scene, and I showed it to my father.

I was like, Dad, look, I made a scene. And then Geraldine Parsons-Smith came in and tore it up and said, next time, take a picture, okay? And I said, from that point on, I'm never going to touch a coloring book again, okay? I'm sorry, I don't touch them. They're day class A. But Sonia, you can have one. That's what she wants, okay?

By the way, there's someone on Patreon, one of our supporters, is named Geraldine Parsons-Smith, or they've named themselves that. And I really appreciate that. So funny. So, yeah. So, she's not a drunk, you guys, okay? She just has one or two drinks, and then they all mention, they're like, yeah.

Carol's on the other side going, yeah, but they're mixed with Tylenol PM plus, like, five prescriptions. Well, you know, that's different. Until we define that as alcoholism, she's not a drunk, okay? Mixing pills with your booze does not make you an alcoholic. It just makes you a mixer. I mean, what do you even call it? Let's judge her when we've got a judgment.

All right, until then, back off. Back off, back off. So then we had our interstitial thing where the big news was that Sonia was shiny. And what I loved was that her makeup woman or guy was nowhere to be found so sonia just yelled she's like kaplan i'm shiny i'm shiny kaplan kaplan ramona goes in and ramona's like my girlfriends can never be shiny i'm sorry they can never be shiny unless they're unless they're trying to be like sunshine because i love sunshine and the And they put the production people on.

They're going, come on, Ramona. We're going to be here till like 11 at night. She's like, what? My girls can't be shiny. I mean, that's just it? You think she got so much play from Jon Jon because she was shiny? No, she's never been shiny. Carol's like, Jon Jon Jon did not like people who patted their face.

So I know you're a liar John John loved shiny faces this one time okay this is funny one time when I was younger I went and saw Amadeus and I thought it was the most beautiful and amazing movie I'd ever seen in my life and I always knew from that point on I always had to powder my face to be like everyone in Amadeus

so I'm sorry I can't have a shiny face I'm sorry I just think it's day class A I want to be like Amadeus okay alright so all you Saldiere's can just go away right now alright I'm sorry someone bring me my powder wig so oh I forgot to add at the end of this

foyer fight I don't know why I have to write down everything Heather says but I think she's so ridiculous that I write it down but at the end of this foyer fight, I don't know why I have to write down everything Heather says, but I think she's so ridiculous that I write it down. But at the end of this foyer fight, Sonia's like, and I can tell you this, it was not cold. And Heather goes, oh, you're a bitch and you're gross. God! I wish that she had said it when everybody else wasn't talking so I could actually soundbite that for a ringer because that shit's amazing. It's like she holds it together this whole, you know, well, for 10 minutes.

But usually she kind of holds it together. But this time she's like, oh, you're a bitch and you're gross. Nice, Heather. That's actually the name of her new house single. You're a bitch and you're gross. Here it goes. Heather, you're a bitch and you're gross. Here it goes. Heather, you're a bitch. And you're gross.

Hit it. Choo-choo. Choo-choo some macaroni into your mouth. Choo-choo. You're gross. You're gross, you're a bitch. I can't even give her a fucking meatball. I'm going to cue up early 90s music whenever I can

in this podcast yes please because Heather has quit so you never know when we're going to get another 90s chick in there that's a very unique thing and you know it's the first time that we it's like history making it's the first time we've ever had someone on Housewives who still says

Halloween is obsessed with the 90s you know you guys it's gonna be a long time it's gonna be a long time yeah so you're a bitch and you're gross um then we talked about sonja's fake lesbianism and how she's like always trying to fuck everybody when she's wasted and i don't i don't know why i love this part, but I just love Sonia trying to kind of deny it, but then you could see her starting to remember things while she was denying it. And then Andy's like, well, are you bi? And she's like, well, I mean, I make out with people sometimes, I guess, if I've had a drink. And then someone said, yeah, do you go downtown to Chinatown?

What is that? I guess Bethany would say that. Wait, Bethany goes, you ever go to South Florida? She's trying to use a euphemism. And Sonia's like, oh, you mean eat out another woman's vagina? No, I've never done that. Like, way to go. Way to pick up the euphemism game there.

Why is it called South Florida? Well, maybe it's just because it's Sonia and that's where people go to retire. It's like when Aunt Flo comes to town. It's just a euphemism. Yeah, but Florida, it's like the oldest state. Like, why would you take that? I actually didn't. I actually thought Bethany was really asking her.

She's like, listen, if your vagina's not going to South Florida, it should because it's time to retire it. Okay? Well, I always go to South Florida. I always go on a yacht with John John and Princess Di and Gandhi. It's amazing. We have a great time all the time. And I do my comedy and I do my PR and I teach them things. And a huge Nigerian team comes along.

It's great. And, you know, we're helping people. And, you know, Pickles comes with computer three, four, and five. Just in case there's any issues with the compass, we can use the parts of the computers. So it's great. My cabaret will be playing in South Florida. John John's coming. He gonna mc yeah you know i'm actually uh it's very exciting uh i'm actually gonna be going into space uh nasa is sending me to jupiter no no you're just going to jupiter florida no no

i'm pretty sure they're sending me to jupiter the planet so i'm excited for the cabaret it's interstellar i lived in j Jupiter, Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater. What? What? Did you really? Oh, yeah. When I was 19, I was an intern for a year. That's how I know that girl who won the Oscar for writing the Frozen Let It Go song with her husband, Kristen.

We were apprentices. Seriously? We were apprentices together at the Jupiter Dinner Theater, okay? It was a maze. I've got lots of Robert Goulet stories. Don't get me started! Lucky bastard. God, I met Debbie Reynolds, Robert Goulet, Phyllis Diller.

I met, like, all of the old school showbiz people. They would literally show up with trunks. Pull all their shit out of trunks. Debbie Reynolds looks kind of like a homeless lady. You would never know who she is. She rolls her card in with all of her stuff and then she goes into that dressing room, does the little Home Depot

on her face and she comes out like, ta-da! Spirit fingers! It is kind of funny when you see celebrities and they are not even trying. I remember I used to be a PA on this show called Three Sisters back in 2001 or so. And Vicky Lewis was on it. Remember Vicky Lewis from News Radio?

She was on it. Of course. I saw her in a musical recently. Oh. Well, I – so I remember I was like bringing something somewhere backstage. And I was like, oh, my God, who is this homeless man? And I was like, oh, wait, that's Nick Nolte walking around in a bathrobe because he used to date Vicky Lewis. Maybe they still do.

And he was just like he was showing up for the season finale to be supportive. And he was like, I don't give a fuck. And he was wearing a bathrobe and like i think pajamas or something and he had a beard and his hair was crazy i was like i literally thought i was a homeless man so he and w reynolds should get together and do like uh before and after yeah that would be amazing i also met sally kellerman she played mame give me that as hot lips you know sally kellerman is hilarious she was like she'd never done a musical, I don't think. And she's like, for this number, you know, it's just me. Stan, she talks like she really does talk like that.

She's like, yeah, this number, it's me just standing on the stage. So, you know, it's kind of awkward. Can I have movement? And he's like, well, no, you know, you just stand there. It's your solo. You're singing your heart out. It's your feelings. And she's like, well, you know know i would be able to really feel more

if i could hold a mic and he's like no your name like you can't just pull out a mic and hold the mic on this it's like well i just don't understand that's how i feel things you know bring me a mic i just don't understand didn't sally kellerman run like a one woman oscar campaign recently or at some point in her life. For what? For herself? For herself, yeah. What was she in? I'm going to look it up. Well, she was Oscar nominated at one point. For MASH, wasn't it?

Oh, you're talking Sally Kellerman. I was thinking um... Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking... With the movie MASH. Oh, you're thinking of TV M thinking. It was the movie mash. Oh, the movie mash. You know, I'm thinking. Oh, you're thinking of TV mash. What's her name? She's never been in a movie. It was last year.

I'm looking at right now on deadline.com. Sally Kellerman. So she used to. Unless I'm thinking of. She's amazing. She. I'm looking it up right now. She literally had like a one woman.

Where is this? Sally Kellerman. Where is she? Where is this? Sally Kellerman. Where is she? Where is this? She was fabulous. That was the year that Ready to Wear came out, that Robert Altman film. She was in it.

So she was so excited to be in a movie. But then at the same time, she's like doing Mame in Florida at a dinner theater. She was awesome. They were Roseanne. I'm sorry. I was thinking of Sally Kirkland. I'm sorry. She's the Costco version of Sally Kirkland. I shouldn very... I'm sorry. She's the Costco version of Sally Kirkland.

I shouldn't be talking about all this stuff during the Housewives episode, but one day I'll tell you Jupiter stories. But Roseanne bought the rights for Absolutely Fabulous, the British show, my favorite show ever, if you can't tell something. And she had bought the rights to do the American version so they were having auditions. And I was like,

I love that show. You should audition to be Patsy because she would be perfect Patsy. She's really tall with that hair, you know, and Patsy's just kind of out of it and drunk. I was like, you'd be perfect. And so I helped her with her audition tape. Oh, my God. I love Sally Kellerman. I will never forget you, Sally Kellerman.

And I apologize to all the keller heads out there for confusing her with sally kirkland totally different beast happens it happens anyway uh back to real housewives of new york yes so um sonia's drunk oh yeah so what are we sonia being just like uh sometimes lesbian yeah and uh yeah and she you know i think that sonia i think she likes to um i think she likes when people assume things of her uh i think that she's actually more more of a prude than she lets herself um then she actually is but she likes it if people think that she's bi or slutty or whatever. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, because it switches with – I think especially with women, and not only women, but especially with women. When you're younger, nobody wants you to – no one wants to be thought of as a loose girl or a slut or a lesbian. Those things are all – it's like, a lesbian? Oh, my God, everyone thinks I'm a lesbian. But then when you're older, it's like, yes, I'm i'm loose i get laid all the time and i'm a total lesbian when you know it becomes more of a pride thing right um which you know what it no one ever becomes

happier that people think they're gay like it doesn't work the same for a guy like if someone said mario sucked a dick that would be it. Everybody would, for the rest of his life, they'd be like, Mario sucked a dick. You never get rid of that. But people love being lesbians later in life. Yeah, they absolutely do. So, Dorinda. Dorinda.

Putting S to B. What does that mean? Putting Sonya to bed. Oh, putting Sonya to bed. We didn't mention the fact that apparently Hillary Clinton watchesinton watches the real housewives of new york and loves dorinda that was a random uh tidbit well you know hillary clinton was the first one who said look he's 40 if he wants to make a sandwich he can make a fucking sandwich what am i gonna say about it i'm not gonna divorce the guy over it

if you want to make a sandwich if you want to run for president, run for president. If you don't want to, don't have a sandwich. Don't have a presidential sandwich. How are you going to blame Jod for somebody else's stain on the dress? I mean, come on. He didn't spill the mustard on that girl. She did it to herself. Look, if you don't know how to keep stains off your dress,

that's your old fault. When you're 40, you're going to know how. If you don't want to inhale, don't inhale. Okay, Mr. Jetson? Mr. Jetson. So, anyway, Dorinda putting Sonya to bed, blah, blah, blah. And Sonya's like, yeah, it's like all those times that I put you to bed. And Dorinda's like,

you never put me to bed, Sonya. She's like, didn't you tell me that one time? No. Well, one time when you were putting me to bed, I specifically remember you telling me a story about me putting you to bed. She's like, never't you tell me that one time? No. Well, one time when you were putting me to bed, I specifically remember you telling me a story about me putting you to bed. She's like, never happened, Sonia. Would you like to eat my vagina? No, Sonia, don't. Stop it.

You better back it up. You better back it up, Hillary Clinton Morgan. As long as Hillary doesn't say anything about my daughter, we'll be fine. But the second she does, forget it. It'll be Western Benghazi. I'll rip her balls off and shove them down her throat. Talk about, Hillary Clinton would be a great Real Housewife. She's like, what email?

I never, what emails? Nope, never happened. I don't remember. I don't remember, so it couldn't have happened. Listen, I didn't erase the emails They just were stored on computer number two And unfortunately we ran out of parts Pickles is working on it

She's going to retrieve the emails as soon as possible I think her name was Leslie Oh god, we liked her Unfortunately she just had too much of my Foyer and froze to death God bless her We'll never forget that computer She should have come with a warning sign I just had too much of my foyer and froze to death. God bless her. We'll never forget that computer.

She should have come with a warning sign. I mean, who knew? Computers can't freeze. The latest Clinton rally just sold out. All ten people were in that foyer. It was standing room only. You know who else makes people stand? Hillary Clinton.

And she charges them $1,000 to do it. Okay? So now who? Now who? Now who's the bad guy? Hillary Clinton. And she charges them a thousand dollars to do it. Okay? So now who? Now who? Now who's the bad guy? Hillary? Okay, you guys tell Hillary that. Oh, wait. So, Son Gigi. So, Dorinda putting Sonia to bed. Party with John John. Oh, I'm going backwards, I guess. Hidden party

is all about family. Ramona explains what Sonia's glamorous life was like. I'm so... I'm ready to go for Luanne and Carol. I'm just waiting for you to catch up. is all about family. Ramona explains what Sonia's glamorous life was like, which we already went over. I'm ready to go for Luanne and Carol. I'm just waiting for you to catch up. I just like Ramona explaining Sonia's glamorous life. You guys don't understand what it's like to be Sonia, okay? She would wake up,

she would have some guy inside of her that she didn't know, she would take the money out of his wallet on the nightstand, and then she would pretend that she was partying with people. I mean, who are we to judge? You know, it's a life. It's called having a job, you know. Fucking Ramona. Okay.

So Christian's boobs, Sonia's shiny, my blah, blah, blah. Chef Adam. Okay. Here we are. Chef Adam, darling. We're here on text edit, which means we're here in real life. Yes. Oh, wow.

So this is the fight we were waiting for so um that guy's got to have some kind of fetish because they showed the clip of carol meeting him in the kitchen and carol never looks like this but for whatever reason that day she looked like one of the ladies on those um sexual dysfunction for men ads you know where they show like an older lady with a sweater around her neck who's smiling because her husband took a viagra and she just got laid for the first time in 20 years she was wearing that kind of an outfit i was like you look like a prescription that i don't even know like the side effects because they can't advertise what it's for in

the magazines okay right why are you dressed like that and he's's like, yeah, let's do it. I don't know. She looked very Reader's Digest when they met. Yeah. It was definitely like a Cialis, let's hold hands in separate bathtub situation. Yeah. The outfit, at least. Yeah. Like, hi there, I'm Carol. And he's like, hi, would you like me to feed you with a straw of some kind?

Such a boner. like me to feed you with a straw of some kind of kind such a boner you know um i think you know luanne made so many great strides this season she was so wonderful you know she reached this apex with the be cool don't be all like uncool you know at that that moment on the show when heather and carol too were being sort of like really alarmist and hysterical. And Luann was the voice of reason of like, listen, guys, it's be chill. It's cool. Like, don't worry. There's a guy, whatever.

And now for her on this reunion to be coming guns blazing without like a really coherent argument against against Carol was very disappointing to me because Luann could not decide if she was mad at Carol because Carol was dating someone that had been dating her niece or was she mad that Carol was dating someone who was so young or was she mad that Carol was dating someone who worked for Luann it kept on changing at one point Andy kind of questioned her

and she said well it's everything but something has obviously made her bonkers and i mean my theory is that she's just jealous because she wants adam for herself but um this is like her her anger is so above and beyond it's it's crazy to throw away a friendship over and to be so livid it's one thing you can be annoyed yeah but she didn't like carol anyway because of that michelle obama dress i'm telling you yeah no i I agree. And for her not to be able to say that is hilarious. Because Carol even said, I think she's, I thought maybe she wanted Adam.

You know, it's like, no, you didn't cock block me. You free dress blocked me, bitch. That's worse. Like, there's free cock everywhere. Like, Luann doesn't need to get in line for that. They come right up to her and take her into the bathroom, you know. But the free dress from Michelle Obama's designer, yeah, that's worse yeah those don't just fall off trees okay exactly i think that's what it was i was surprised because luann has had so much time and apparently someone writing

her tweets which i'm proud of carol for not bringing that up because i totally thought that was the first thing she was going to say but lu Luann has like a ghostwriter for her tweets. It's Aviva. And she has had the whole year to get her story straight because Luann's been all over the place on the show too. At first she wasn't mad. Then she was mad because it was awkward because the niece had dated him. Then it was bad because that was the help. Then it was bad because the niece was still dating him, which isn't the case. Like she just keeps changing her story and she's getting caught and she doesn't even.

And this is when, you know, she's, you know, really lying because she starts doing that same thing she did in the beginning. Like what? I don't remember. What? Nope. Nope. I never said that. I don't remember that. And Eddie's like, yeah, actually, Andy's calling people on their shit, which is so weird. Yeah, well, Andy got really... Just pretending nothing's happening. But lately, he's been calling them out, and he was really not on her side in this one. Yeah, he was actually... Andy was getting into the mix. He was not moderating. He was actually, like... He was not moderating. He was actually like, he was caught up.

He was caught up the way actually a fan would be caught up. Or someone who also dates younger gentlemen would get caught up. Yeah, I mean, I kind of like that. And you could tell that Luann was getting pissed, but she can't yell at Andy because look what happened last time. She pissed him off. It's like they took away her apple for a year and she had to like pretend to be nice to get back on or whatever. But I don't think Luann ever became cool cool i think she's always been the same and i think she just got caught last year fucking a young person on camera lying about it and cheating on jock and all of that stuff so now she's like you know it's like you get caught one time then after that it's not so bad you know

it's like the first time you get caught doing a guy you You know, it's like horrifying and your family breaks up. But then you have a great time at the gay pride parade. You know, I think she's come out of the closet. She's like, I'm a slut. And that's great. You know, it's not called sluttiness. It's called girl power. Okay.

Thank you. Right. Well, that's why it's so weird that she's so angry at Carol. You know, I thought Luann was really off her rocker. And by the way, so first Luann says her first attack is that she was so mad because Carol was seeing this guy while her niece was seeing him. And then it was clarified, well, they weren't dating per se.

They'd broken up a year, but they were still hooking up. So in my mind, I'm like, well, don't be mad at Carol. Be mad at Adam. Like when Luann hooked up with the married guy, she was like, well, whatever. It's on him. You know what? And it's on Adam. It's not on Carol.

Exactly. And hooking up with somebody is not the same as dating. Like you can't – if you're just like having casual sex with somebody, you can't get mad when they start dating somebody. You weren't dating that person. So then Luanne starts talking about how he's so much younger. As if suddenly this is an issue for Luanne, who was married to a guy who was 45

years older than her. So then Carol immediately busts Luanne and is like, well, what about Eric, who you met at Boutique? And they show a flashback of Luanne leaving to the quote-unquote ladies' room with this guy Eric. And then Luann's like, I'm not sleeping with him on a regular basis. Yeah. She's like, a blowjob in the bathroom is not sleeping.

I'd never get sleep if that's how I slept. Sleeping is sleeping. We never slept in the same bed together, so it doesn't count. I mean, giving a blowjob to a guy in the bathroom like look people go in there to empty their penis i helped him empty his penis i should be looked at as a helper you know instead you're trying to make me look like a slut it's like oh yeah shut up and then she's like i don't date anyone under 30 period and then they're like but what about that guy eric and she's like well i had a flirt with her yes what are you talking about you had a flirt are you from like 1745 now like why are you talking so strangely luann why

are you being like this that whole thing about i don't know if this was in the next segment or not but um i i don't know i guess the rest of the show is all this fight. But what was I just going to say? Oh, God. Stupid Luann. I forgot what I was going to say. That is crazy. Okay.

Sorry. Never mind. Just keep moving on. So we're still in this stupid fight. Oh, wait. The house boy. Fucking the house boy. Is that who you were just talking about?

Well, Eric was the guy at Boutique, but I was going to talk about the house boy because then Carol totally shaded Luann and was – and said at first she was – Carol said at first she was afraid to approach Adam because she's like, well, that's more of Luann's type anyway. But then I found out that she liked Anthony instead. And then that's when Luann also – Oh, is Anthony the house boy? I think – no, Alistair is the. Alistair, yeah. They all have A's. They all have A's.

There was an Anthony too, but there was. Anthony is someone else. And then it turns out that Luann also went after this guy Alistair. Oops, just dropped my phone. And Sonia was like, who here hasn't had sex with Alistair? And then they're like, Sonia, did you do anything with Alistair? She's like, well, no. And Luanne's stupid argument.

She's like, well, I don't sleep with children. Okay. And she's like, well, you slept with a 25. No, she's like, Eric was not 25. Okay. He's at least 30. Which her argument before was, what's the difference between 28 and 25 and now she's like well that's a huge difference five years yeah and also he's not you know maybe he's 30 or whatever but i didn't

sleep with him well you had sex with him well it was just a one-night stand oh okay okay so that's okay but then what about the guy that you fucked at the tur and Caicos who was like 12 and was an employee? Like both of those things. He was young and an employee. And Luann's like, how dare you? I never did anything like that. I mean, I skinny dipped. Big deal.

I mean, who cares? We all – every day I skinny dipped with Alistair. I mean, big deal. And Carol's like, yeah, well, he's 20. She's like, well, who cares? Yeah, meanwhile, I mean, you could tell Luann was, A, losing, B, being such a hypocrite, and C, so wrong. Because she started basically doing, like, she suddenly was in, like, an old courtroom from 1920s in deep Georgia. Because she's, like, fanning herself. She's like, well, I swear, I never had sex with that Asta man ever in Chucks and Caicos.

Yeah. And then Luann yeah and then Luann starts she actually starts to just make no sense because then she starts saying another like she now gets offended at Carol again she's like and talks about Adam and

says he's my chef and he works for me and he was going out with my niece and you think he's my type like what is the problem here it's like I love how he's my type like what so what is the problem here it's like i love how he's my chef is is one of the main issues like who cares if carol's dating your chef at one point and the person she came close to saying the help she she almost said she said something like like he's the and then she goes uh my chef you know literally talking nonsense she's like he's, he's that movie featuring the shit pie.

All right, that's it. Basically, you fucked a movie featuring a shit pie. I hope you're proud of yourself. Yeah. And then Luanne's, and then, you know, they start talking about their friendship. And Luanne's like, well, I mean, we never were friends. We weren't friends. I was like, what?

Oh, yeah, I love that. Wait, you know what? I'm so sorry to do this, but I've got to pee. I'll be right back. Okay. Oh, my God. I can't hold it, yeah. I love that. Wait, you know what? I'm so sorry to do this, but I've got to pee. I'll be right back. Okay. Oh, my God. I can't hold it. Okay.

Sorry about that. I had to pee so bad. I think I have a reserve tank of pee waiting behind that tank that will have to be let out later. So glad I just shared that. So where were we on here? I don't remember what we were. We were just talking about Luann. Just Luann being a bitch.

My favorite part of this entire fight was when Carol's like, look, I even said on the show, I was being genuine. I said, I really like Luann, and she's a good friend, but, you know, the Countess. And Luann goes, oh, you just threw the Countess under the bus. Oh, what are you saying? The Countess is a bitch? But Luann's not. Yes, Luann., oh, you just threw the countess under the bus. Oh, what are you saying? The countess is a bitch? But Luann's not. Yes, Luann. That's what she's saying.

Luann is nice, but the countess is a bitch. And Luann's like, oh, great. Well, now you've thrown me under the bus and the countess. Well, I hope she doesn't have any children in her family because you'll probably just sleep with them. Get it. Well, I loved at a certain point, Carol just decided to just dismiss Luanne. Carol's like, whatever. She started to do that motion

with her hand like, ah, get out of here. You're crazy. Because at one point, Luanne just was going nuts. She goes, you don't go into a woman's house and pick up people

who work in her home. And Carol just goes, would you just stop saying that? Just be quiet already. Just get out of here, you crazy old bat. Get out of here. And old bat get out of here and this this ended with this ended with luann saying like i don't sleep with children and besides what happens

in the turks and keikos stays in the turks and keikos oh really i'd love to hear that argument again next week when you bring up the turks and keikos and how people were barging in into your room like anything i do in the turks and keikos stays there anything you bitches do is up for discussion now you can buy this shiny miss piggy dress at mervin's the end that's all i have to say seriously um i just want to say by the way off topic that um i was doing some some uh Google searches for the Real Housewives of New York City and I found this headline from

an online publication called Daily Saba, which is I guess a Turkish periodical and the headline says Turkish fortune teller gains widespread fame in the US. Oh god. Because of her cameo

appearance. Yes. Astoria has never seen such foot traffic. Oh, my God. So funny. Someone posted on our Facebook page about the psychic masseuse whore, whatever, from the last podcast, from the

Real Housewives of orange county podcast uh they posted his facebook page which is hilarious scott cruz psychic medium this was posted by megan taylor so thanks megan because this has just been a joy i've been it been on it this morning and um it is just hilarious the his main picture is a tunnel it's like it's through a toilet paper or a paper towel roll you know the cardboard center it's looking through that like a tunnel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel i guess is what he's saying but it's so funny that a it's obviously a paper towel roll i mean i guess he's being artistic but b it works also for grinder really it's a thumbnail wait i'm gonna look at

this picture it's so funny and just him he's looking all sexy in his picture it's like a grinder pro it could be either so it doesn't surprise me that he was you know on some massage website or whatever he already knows if he's going to be hooking up with you. He's like, I'm sorry I blocked you when I got this app. I just knew that you had something. But I like his own quote. Well, we should actually look this over and just read it during the Orange County podcast because it is so good.

His inspirational quotes are from himself. This guy's a peach. I saw this link before. No no I can't find it at all it's on the comments to the last podcast on it's the last comment on the podcast thread

on Facebook oh you know what it was, because it was yeah, hold on, oops I think I unliked it by accident sorry I'm gonna look at this well of course it's not loading on my phone maybe my phone has the right idea oh sorry have we really been talking for an hour and a half about the same fucking show we're ridiculous well that's what this podcast is all about the fewer shows we have to cover

the longer it goes yeah i guess like that i love talking the whole time and just getting to talk about every little detail of it i know so um should we move on to flipping out yeah i mean i don't really have a whole lot to say about flipping out i think it's a cute show and stuff i just like i don't i don't care they all seem like normal and i mean i wouldn't call jeff level headed but my case seems like an intelligent they all seem way too intelligent to be on television basically so i have no interest uh i uh i really enjoyed the season finale um it's you know it's what i like about it is that it is that they are all smart people i know you think that jenny isn't that smart but i think that they actually are all bright people who are like more

like real people than crazy reality stars and um i thought i liked i mean not that i liked but i thought the fight between um gage and zoila like uh it's it's not that i enjoyed that or whatever but first of all gage is such a passive-aggressive person and he's so condescending to everyone so i understand her frustration but i thought the scene when jeff made up with zoila not made up but told zoila that how much he loved her and how much uh like she how important she is to him i thought that was like a really moving scene and i was like oh i'm so glad that's how it ended because i didn't get to see the ending because uh i woke up late sorry but i was watching i ended at the part where jeff had just had the teary conversation

with zoila and that was so not i was like i'm crying during a i know i was getting moved i was getting choked up i was like because it was you know what it was a real moment with it was a real relationship real emotions real sentiment and very relatable and there's actually something very kind of beautiful about their relationship but here's this woman who has been with him since he's 28 and knows knows how to care of him, views him literally as her son. I don't watch Flipping Out enough to know where her daughter is. I think I remember seeing an episode where maybe she was on it, but I don't know where her daughter is or the rest of her family.

But I find that actually to be a very special relationship to see on TV and very interesting too. So I like that. I like them having their teary moment. What you missed was Jenny shooting the music video for her kitty rap song poo in the potty we're gonna poo poo poo in the potty it was awful um i've already written that song it's called i go poopy in the potty yeah yeah i go poopy in the potty yeah yeah i go poo poo in the potty. Yeah, yeah. I go poopoo in the potty. Yeah, yeah. And then a flush.

I've written that, Jenny, so back the fuck off. You're lucky I didn't understand copyright law back then, because I would sue your ass, and I'm sure you've heard me sing that song to my nieces. So whatever. Good luck. As ridiculous as Jenny's kiddie rap album is, I actually do, I respect it in an odd way unlike these other um you know reality show entrepreneurs who are making you know toaster

ovens and just trying to capitalize in any way how dare you bring up the toaster oven i know supposed to say international brand specialist inventor friend of john john how dare you so but like you know she she really wanted to do it and when she talks about it you can see she is really passionate about it and she loves rapping oddly enough and she likes doing things for kids and she even says on the show one thing you missed she says like you know to anyone who likes doing something that's silly you know guess what i'm still rapping i'm, you know, to anyone who likes doing something that's silly, you know, guess what? I'm still rapping. I'm like, you know, good for you.

Yeah, I think you're doing something absolutely ridiculous, but you love it. So I support you. Yeah. Hey, look, who are we to judge that? We've both been doing ridiculous things our entire adult life. Yeah. By the way, we have breaking news. Breaking exciting news.

Brought to you by RobFam715 on Twitter. He has informed me on what Dorinda's metaphor was. And so for all of you who've been listening to this and are like, Ben, this is what it is. This is what it is for two hours. I know. People have been going crazy in their cars sweet release dorinda's metaphor was about life being colored with different crayons that's what it was that's what it was thank you rob you have saved me oh my god i was dying i was dying life is like a coloring box you pick a color you

color on the menu and then boom you got a marker. You're like, how does this come out? Right? Am I right? See, I knew something to do. She was talking about that in London when she was talking about Richard, I believe. She was saying, like, you'd ask, sometimes you draw with this crayon, and sometimes you're a purple crayon, sometimes you're orange, and sometimes you're turquoise.

Sometimes you try to draw on the red balloon, and you pop it, Mr. Jensen, and you have a massive maid Richard is double dead Double dead I'm gonna draw his tombstone in the grey crayon I didn't mean it like that There's gonna be a new crayon colour called double dead

Super black I wish there was a crayon to describe the light in london it's different you know we're not making fun of we're not making fun of dead richard look love your metaphor today so far i've made a comment about john john's mother who was dead and i also made a comment about john john's wife who was also dead like I'm idiotic and if people are going to be offended today they have all of that so don't even worry you can say whatever you want yeah

well no I feel bad in general like if people here's one thing one thing I don't like making fun of is like uh here she is this woman who has lost her husband and is sharing her feelings about it and be like you you know, I'm not like that. But if we're making a joke about popping balloons.

We're not making fun of Richard. We're making fun of the red balloon, okay? Yeah. You know, and if you guys. I just want to clarify. I just want to draw a line. I just want to draw a line with my crayon and show people that I don't want to go over that line. And if I did, I'm sorry.

Sorry. Sometimes it's hard to draw a straight line with a crayon, you know? Sometimes you need a ruler. And Heather's like, thank you. That's all I've been trying to say. Okay, Sonia. Sonia, you know what you do? Go over there in the corner and take Dorinda's crayons and color in your coloring book, okay?

Okay. you know what you do go over there in the corner and take dorinda's crayons and color in your coloring book okay okay if anybody feels you know in your own life right now if you're feeling down or sad or like life sucks just are you seeing bridge over troubled waters okay go on yes thank you for ruining it i was even gonna do the original version oh i didn't realize you were actually doing it as a joke i thought you were coincidentally doing those lyrics i'm sorry no i was just gonna say if you if you're you know in real life if you're in a rough place um and you're you're just feeling depressed and sad please go to the scott crew psychic and look through the paper towel hole there is a light at the end of the paper towel tunnel. Okay? Just remember that. Like a spill on a laminar floor.

I'm out of towels to clean you up. Hey, you better back it up. You better back that up. Back up that towel. Back up this crayon box coming in with a sharpener attached. You better back it up. Back it up back it up mister He's 40 if he wants to have a paper towel roll is his Facebook picture to advertise his psychic abilities and his cornhole at the Same time who am I the judge?

Hey, you know what you know what stop back into your truck. Okay, there's a stop sign right here Okay, it says stop no more backing up. All right, just stop just stop. There's a wall. You hit the wall All right, don't hit the wall with your truck. Okay, don't back it up to run into my wall okay okay oh i'm sorry i backed it to your wall you got licensed oh we were going to recap an episode of secrets and wives today and we totes forgot we'll have to do it next time but this we were gonna do the lost footage we'll do it we'll do it reunion was so good. Yeah. It took up our whole episode. This is the most analysis of a reunion we've ever done.

Hey, didn't... When does Below Deck start? Didn't that start? Starts next week. Oh, okay. Thank God. We didn't miss anything, Dennings. Well, you guys, don't doubt us.

Don't doubt us. Do not. All right. So I guess that is it so you guys please go over to nextissue.com slash crappins to check out next issue and get your magazines on your ipad your iphone or your your uh whatever your tablet is all right i'm not going to judge your tablets i'm not here to judge your tablets. I'm not here to judge your tablets. Unless they're new and young and belong to my niece. Otherwise, keep your penis out of them.

Otherwise, go to nextissue.com slash crappins. They do great stuff and Ben's going to have a whole new set of pecs next week because of it. Yeah, I certainly am. Also, please, you can tell I've been in Texasxas because i'm laughing like my meemaw she does this like she does that one little i've noticed i've been doing that thanks meemaw

get out of my head woman so uh anyway come to facebook.com slash watch what crappins to talk to the crappins listeners and to talk about the shows as they air that's real fun to do also follow us on twitter at what crepins uh please feel free to tweet stuff at us there even though we're not on it that much we read it i still get the notifications y'all um um um oh come to patreon.com slash watch what crappens to become a premium subscriber yay because that's still going on and also if you just want to be a Reg subscriber and get the bonus episodes, etc., etc., bitch. And I think that is all for the day. You know, we love you very much, everybody.

Yeah, exactly. We do. We do. We love you like every single crayon in the box. We love you. Thank you for giving us a fun life to live. And I suppose that's all. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye, everybody. Next Issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. The best part, Next Issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com forward slash crappins. Again, you can try Next Issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com slash crappins get over there and read some people y'all's

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