Watch What Crappens - #214: Our Truth Ain't Yo Beezniss!

Episode Date: August 25, 2015

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog, Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) go to town on the fake cancer and God's word drama on RHOC before heading to Atlanta to try and figure out wtf Quad is saying. Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Come gather round and make fun of his fools. A podcast about Bravo. Nothing runs with Bravo. But that's okay. We only care about Bravo. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap.

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We love you girls. Now on to the show. Hi everybody. Welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and as usual I'm with the gorgeous, handsome, intelligent, food understanding Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the band to Blinda. Hello, Bean. Hello, Ronnie. Happy birthday. Happy B-Side.

Oh, four L's. I'm super excited. Everybody, you can come to our Facebook page, facebook.com slash watch with creppins, to talk to other listeners and talk shit about the shows the night they air. And that's always a really fun page. We get most of what we talk about on here from that page. So please, let us steal from you. Come to facebook.com slash

watch what crappins. On Twitter, we're at what crappins. If you want to find all of our info, our personal links and all of that stuff, come to watch what crappins.com. And finally, thank you to all of our premium subscribers on Patreon.com. Yes. WatchWhatCrappens. Love those words.

That's Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com, slash WatchWhatCrappens. That's where you can come subscribe to bonus episodes and get a bunch of extras and stuff. And we had our hangout last week and that was soups. Fine. It's really good. And, and we just did our bonus episode right before this. And we went,

we went in, we, I think that was, was that like an hour long episode? That was a long one. Oh my God. I was pissed. We were,

we talked about the Ashley Madison stuff. So we talked about Josh Duggar, but stuff so we talked about josh duggar but more importantly um josh takeman kristin's husband who is caught on this we talked about that we talked about jared fogel and his molesty ways oh wow it was and we talked here's a surprise we talked a lot about kim richards again uh is like, it's not even fun anymore, honestly. I'm just filled with rage at this point. I mean, we talked about molestation, rape, cheating, and murder. Kim, basically.

Oh, yeah, and a little serial. I've had it. I've had it with the fucking world, okay? Bye, world. Bye. It was fun. I enjoyed that bonus episode. I think you'll all enjoy it.

So if you want to listen to it, it's a whole extra hour's worth of crappin's insight. Yeah, I think I'm gonna call that bonus 40-year-old rage. I'm not gonna, I don't think we ever title the bonus. What do you do? Do I title it? I usually just list, I usually just list what's, you know, my bonus episode titles are usually just like,

for example, it would say Josh Duggar, Josh Jakeman, comma, you comma, Jared Fogle. Jared Fogle. Special Gerald for child molesters so they don't get raped in prison. I'm not going to get over that, by the way. I'm furious that they have that. Protect the child molesters.

That would be horrible if they got raped. No, rape the child molesters, okay? And if any of you know a child molester break a bottle and rape them that's what they deserve like what the hell we're gonna be nicer to child molesters get the fuck out of here i'm sick of it bye world um so uh in case you couldn't tell ronnie turned 40 today that's why he's so happy ronnie how do you feel about the fact that your birthday is falling on the same day that Bravo's My Fab 40 is premiering? Is that true? Oh, my God.

I didn't know. I didn't even know. Yeah, you're living the dream. That's right. Fab 40 birthday. It's your Fab 40 happening right now. Fab 40. Yeah, that's great.

You know what's so weird is I don't really have any, like, bad emotions. I've been saying for two years I'm 40. Like, when people ask me, I say I'm 40 because I figured it would be really hard and I was going to fall into some weird depression. But I didn't. But then I'm so mad about things that shouldn't be making me mad. Like, what's the shock that the guy from Subway is, like, a disgusting child? Like, who cares? How does that affect me?

I'm very mad. Well, for some people, they may be affected because they like seeing Jared Fogle's warm smile greeting them in the Subway shop. Oh, fuck that. I'm so glad not to see that cardboard cut out anymore because I almost punched you every time. I was like, this guy's not even thin. It's like, what are you celebrating here? This guy's not even thin, okay? He looks like a sleeping bag with glasses on.

Get him the hell off of my diet. I was about to say, he looks like a human pair. Yeah. Like, why is he literally the poster boy for being thin? Okay, get the fuck out of here, Jared. Also, one of the least surprising twists of all time. Oh, Jared Fogle as a child molester? Probably couldn't see that coming yeah

oh god um anyway only likes his sandwiches fresh people that was your first clue he's like i want that i want that turkey sandwich straight out of the vagina i mean oven straight out of the oven he's like i only i only want to eat food from places where 16 year olds make the sandwiches that's the only place i want to eat food from places where 16-year-olds make sandwiches. That's the only place I want to be around. So anyway, yeah, so we were supposed to have a live show tonight. So if you were looking forward to see our live show, sorry, because it's not happening. Well, at least we never said where it was, because I would feel terrible if people actually went there.

Like, if we had to actually go sit at that place and like pretend to like their, I don't know, what do they even serve there? Like their gigantic things that I can't eat. I would feel like Shannon in there. I would feel sorry. I can't eat that. I can't eat that. I'm too fat for this place.

This restaurant is killing me. It's killing me there. I can't eat that. If we sent anyone to the intersection of Hollywood and Highland by accident, I would feel terrible. I would feel absolutely terrible. You only go there if you have something very important. Otherwise, avoid, darling.

Go around like everyone else. Co-wenga exit, darling. So we're going to try to put together our own thing on our own. But we still have humongous amounts of love to the women at for crying out loud oh yeah for showsies we're gonna have such a fun live show when we finally do it here in la yeah i cannot wait because the one in texas was so much fun i can't wait to see what it would be like uh here in la with all these crazies yeah it'll be a it'll be amazing um oh and i would like to make a quick announcement.

Lorianne Commons, you weren't at our last hangout. And it was noticed. And I'm pissed. Well, it was also on a Wednesday. So, you know, those things happen. What the hell, people? All right. Let's all stop acting like we're surgeons at certain days of the week.

Okay? Wednesday's not that different from a Thursday. It's one day before, darling. It's a hump day. It's a hump day. Come hump us, darling Alright So I was going to talk about My quandary Between choosing a Casper mattress or a Lisa mattress

But I think we should just get on with the Also Casper, duh They support our show So you better sleep on some support Well they aren't advertising this week so hence oh that's true hence i am looking at lisa lisa mattresses too which are apparently also very good so if anyone has anything like committing to something to sleep with and then finding out that it's not committed to you right ashley madison people that's right that's also

the theme of orange county real houses Houses of Orange County every season. That there's always something better to sleep on. Also, I want to thank the hackers of Ashley Madison because, well, first of all, hackers in general. Okay, yes, there's the people who send the emails from Nigeria who trick me

into giving them my bank account number because they know someone with the last name Karim who died in Lebanon or whatever. Okay, there's that kind of hacker. That's bad. Or the pop-up ads that download stuff to your computers. That's bad. Okay, you're bad.

But I would like to thank the good hackers of the world, the superheroes who do their best to take down the lying government and the lying husbands of the world. You guys are doing a great job keep it up love ya yeah yeah nice work nice work a lot to sing some brains being used for some positive things in this world yes and uh one other shout out i want to give a shout out to all the dumb bitches out there in the world including a woman from connecticut this by the

way has nothing to do with Bravo, but I just read this right now, and it's cracking me up. From Stanford, Connecticut. I used to work there when I worked at the World Wrestling Federation. But this Connecticut woman, she got mad at her friend and keyed whore, the word whore, into the side of the friend's car. But the woman's so dumb, she didn't know how to spell it, and she keyed war instead.

W-O-R-E. So, congratulations Shannon Sapia. That is so embarrassing. She should be on the Real Hustles of Orange County, this dumb bitch. Why would someone key my car into my outfit? It must be my outfit. I knew I shouldn't

have bought this. War. Someone who just won't ever wear a t-shirt the same twice. The same t-shirt twice. You are war. You wore this. You wore this. You are war t-shirt.

I'm going to key this t-shirt's car. War. Maybe next time he'll think before she spells. So let's talk about Real Houses of Orange County. And the episode started out with Ryan, Tamerson Ryan, and his fiancee showing up at Vicky's house. So these are two people. Girl, I am on Mary's medicine notes. You wouldn't be surprised if one of these two also keyed a misspelled word into someone's Chevy Blazer at some point in their lives.

You know, there's some Kodo insurance magnets missing from that fridge because if anybody's going to be shot, you know, stealing shit from your house, is that greaseball? Yeah. So basically, Vicky has volunteered to host the white trash wedding of the summer yeah tamra came over with the kids yeah to plaque that uh wedding and it's gonna i like that vicky was like oh yeah you know it's real special that i'm doing this for you because you're gonna have this in your memory forever look right over there is where i called you the c word the first time oh look over there that That's when you said Brooks was a liar and abusing me. Oh, wasn't that fun?

Look at all the memories. Oh, that over there. That's where Gina threw wine in your face. Oh, no, I'm sorry. That's where you threw wine in Gina's face. I'm so stupid. I can't keep you silly bitches apart. Totally.

And then, yeah, the man comes in and i'm so glad to see that they're getting married because tamra's like they were gonna get married last year but first came up baby batch first came up batch baby and you know now they're gonna get married i'm like you know that's so romantic that they're getting married because it's so tacky to abuse your girlfriend but your wife like you've committed to that bitch beat her i'm just kidding but in all the news today seriously women like women women of the world grow a fucking pair and stop putting up with this shit i'm sick of it i'm sick of it okay yeah that's all enough rage by the rage back in by the way i love um i love how you how you've started to do tamra's voice playing batch batch because it reminds me of a few seasons ago when um when bad romance lady

gaga's bad romance came out and you know in there's a part in that song where lady gaga says something like because i'm a free bitch baby and then like tamra clung on to that and then like for the next like 10 episodes she was always like, whatever. I'm a free bitch, baby. It's like, all right, Tamara. Get it. You've listened to Lady Gaga. Okay.

We get it. Well, we've done that for a long time. But the thing that really got me back on it was I was watching clips one night. I fell down a YouTube hole one night. And I was watching reunion clips and dying because it was from – well, she's horrible at every reunion. But I think it was two years ago when she was just like, batch! Like everything that came out of her mouth was, batch! You're a batch!

You're a stupid batch! Jesus, judge, batch! I was like, I love it. She's like, I'm the hottest batch here. I don't care if I'm a total cut fitness about it. Oh, I wanted to tell you. Somebody tweeted at Reagan from Big Brother and said, oh, yeah, the guys from Watch What Crappens call people a cut fitness now. Yeah. Because of her. He's like, that's hilarious.

Yeah. Just wanted you to know because I know that you like Reagan and that was yours. So there you go. Oh, but I didn't realize it was mine. But I'll take it. I'll take it. Take it. Copyright it.

Yeah. So anyway, Vicky's going to have this wedding in the backyard. And then, of course, Tamara in the middle of it has to be like, yeah, I've been thinking of getting baptized. I'm like, shut up with your fucking baptism. I want to get betchedized. Shut up with that yeah i'm gonna get i'm gonna get jesus betched i want to get a jesus golden shower betch i want to betch i like that bitch ties i'm gonna get betch ties to back i'm gonna betch ties

and immediately after vicky's like oh yeah you yeah, you know, oh, okay, baptism, great. God's word, you know, great. She's like, yeah, I'll get the kiddie pool because there's no way you're going to contaminate my grotto. I just got the last Don pube out of there. You're not going in there, Missy. Not with that weave. I'll take you to Lake Havasu. There's enough germs in there that you'll fit right in.

My mic might be too loud. I'm sorry if I've been busting out your all speakers. I just moved it away from my face a little bit. You sound great in my ears. Well, you never know the way the podcast records it. I've been showing a little red dot, which we've only been recording for an hour. So I'm sorry for just noticing that now. Anyway, at least the mic's on.

So that's a nice change. All right. Yeah. But yeah, so they're talking about how Tamara's going to get a baptism, which, I mean, we've never seen paintings of Jesus laughing. But man, if there was a painter up in heaven right now, I'd like to think he would be painting a guffawing Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm just imagining the Sistine Chapel and like those two fingers. Instead of somehow they just magically like they change into these hands like, oh, yeah, they'll be'll be like ew they're just giving each other a dirty look like i'm not touching you so vicky's like oh you're gonna have such great memories and tamra's like did you hear about

dinner oh the memories are gonna be dinner dinner did you hear all the memories though dinner did you hear about dinner it's like listen can you just at least finish your thought about being a christian before you throw somebody under the fucking camel i don't want to say bus because we're talking about like christianity like camel whatever the nun the nun bus the nun bus yeah so then tamra tells the totally innocent version of uh well basically i guess she was just scoping this out to see what shannon actually said, right? Yeah. And so Vicky said, oh, I didn't hear anything. And then that's when Tamara was like, oh, well, let me explain what Megan actually said.

Yeah. But she's not a pot stirrer, guys. She can't even believe anyone would call her a pot stirrer. But anyway, let me tell you what Megan said. What Megan said about the psychic that I invited. Because I have to point out that at some point, Tamara was like, well, it's not like I invited. She said something like, it's not like, why is she mad at Megan? It's not like Megan invited her. I'm like, yeah, you did.

So what's your point? Yeah. You idiot. I love that these people can't even argue with any sense. Like their arguments are even so retarded against each other. And I love it. Please never change. We have nothing to talk about over here.

So then Tamara tells Vicky everything. And then Vicky, I love Vicky's response. She's basically been hanging out with Shannon Bedore too long. She's like, well, I'm not going to listen to Megan Edmonds, who's 30 years old. Oh, yeah. You know, Brooks and I, I'm not going gonna listen to megan edmunds who's 30 years old oh yeah you know brooks and i we're not i'm not gonna listen to some 30 year old we have our own truth we are living our truth i'm like what listen i get the saying our truth but vicky said our truth like 75 times honey you know that our truth and the truth there's just the truth like i get that you

have your own reality and stuff but to be saying like that's a lie because we're living our truth and the truth there's just the truth like i get that you have your own reality and stuff but to be saying like that's a lie because we're living our truth no bitch yeah truth is truth and i think you just figured out that yours isn't seeing as how you broke up with him on the cancer week and put it on facebook last week exactly and then vicky goes on to say that for megan to even believe a psychic shows how immature she is bitch you just had a psychic in your own house you just telling your brother billy that he had so he has like a cavity okay you just ask the wall for milk and cookies okay vicky shut up yeah shut up vicky you're stupid she's like mommy you're there still okay mom i'll turn off the

water mom hates when there's running water you know she's living in the wall now psychics are stupid i hate that stupid psychic oh my god i just remember my mom died oh my god oh gosh i just remembered i just remembered mom mom mom mom aren't you answering my i just left my mama voicemail oh god i forgot that my mom died. Oh, God, hold me. Hold me. Hold me, bitch. Oh. I just invited my mom to the wedding, and I just realized she can't come because I remembered she died. Oh, Vix. Oh, Vicky.

Enough. My favorite quote from this scene is Vicky going, oh, that means the psychic says that he's cured? Oh, that's great. That's just what we're hoping for. So good. The psychic gave us good news. He's cured. She keeps putting her arm. She keeps doing the double arm in the air thing tonight.

Whenever she talks about Jesus, basically your Christianity, she does the thing where she throws both arms up in the air. Like, you think he's buying it now bitch please put your arms down you're as believable with your arms up as you are with him down just put him down stop stop wasting the energy

so then the action do you have anything else to say about this scene before we move on cancer is a pain in the ass I don't know why I wrote that down understatement so then the action heads out to before we move on? Cancer's a pain in the ass. I don't know why I wrote that down. Understatement. So then the action heads out to Sheena country because everyone, not everyone, but several of them went to Fontana to the Speedway

for some NASCAR action, this event that Megan has put together. So Megan and Jimmy and Heather and Terry arrive in the morning at the at the fontana speedway it's just one of the perks of being married to jimmy edmonds she's like you know jimmy jimmy gets invited to a lot of backstage things and concerts just these are just the perks of being married to jim edmonds i'm like you know what the other perk is um having money and basically having any sort of existence or anything just to claim as your own because you got nothing

the entire marriage is a perk. And also becoming a birth mother. Yeah. She's like, one of the perks is NASCAR. The other perk is getting a child that I love just like my own. Shut up. The other perk is getting that

very special experience of throwing out his ex's furniture. Such a perk. The other perk is doing economics homework for a brat who's probably doing meth in the alley. One of the biggest perks of being married to Jim Edmonds is being able to go to Ashley Furniture and pick out whatever I want. The best part of being married to Jimmy Edmonds is NASCAR, but also passing Rent-A-Center and saying, suckas. I love going to Z Gallery and reminding myself of how many perks

are in this store from jimmy edmonds oh so i knew it so they go and you know there's some nascar cameos danica and heather's being wacky she's just one of us guys yeah she's just like oh look it's just cars going around in a circle i mean oh, you know, I know how a car works. I don't need to see this for that long. Heather, she's like, I don't know what a NASCAR is, but I'm making Terry buy me one, whatever it is. We're going to have a bigger NASCAR than Megan's, okay? That's all you need to know. And our NASCAR track is going to have a NASCAR carport.

The NASCAR rack has a special room for its luggage. We have a special room for the tires to go into the NASCAR carport. Oh, you need to check the tires on the NASCAR? Oh, you're going to have to go to the luggage room. That's where we keep those. It's in the tire check room. But our racetrack has to be the shape of a square.

Otherwise, it looks too much like an onion ring, and I can't have i don't want terry trying to eat the nascar he just bought me that would be tacky it's like have your own party on your own time okay it's my party bow bow on a cake oh my god yeah heather i can't stand her woman of the people stick i want her to go back to being an evil bitch that we hated so much. I mean, I still hate her, but I liked it last season when I just hated her. I hate her more now because she's not genuine at all. I like hating her more now because it's more fun to hate somebody when they can't even pretend to be a decent human being. Watching her flail around and pretend to be decent is hilarious.

I love it. Yeah. Like watching her flail around and pretend to be decent is hilarious. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. So anyway, so we saw Clint Boyer and we saw Danica Patrick and we saw Carl Edwards, which actually in like the world of NASCAR, these are huge cameos. But in the world of Bravo, it's like, who's this? Yeah. Who's this?

Yeah. Why are you on my screen? My children are in the car. Do you know I used to do Fantasy NASCAR? Oh, God. You know, some things you just need to keep to yourself sometimes. No, I never really enjoyed it. It's just my friend invited me. I did it for like three or four years.

And I just always guessed blindly. I was like, I'll do Clint Boyer this week. And I'd always do it. I'd always get into my Shannon Bedore voice. Like, David, David. Which car? I do. David?

Cowbush? David? I want to know how many cars you let pass voice. Like, David, David. Which car should I do? David. Kyle Busch? David. I want to know how many cars you let pass me. David. David. David. Why do you always call me your pace car? David.

David. Megan's telling Heather about all this stuff, which is hilarious, because she's like, Yeah, Shannon said she wasn't going to say anything to Vicky at dinner, but I guess she did because I got this text from Vicky. Let me read it to you. You're a stupid bitch. I hope you die. I'm going to stick a fist up your vagina and twist it until your throat falls out. You dumb C word.

Die, bitch. Nice text, Vicky. Jeez. I know. I'm like, it was total plagiarism. That's the text I always send Jimmy's ex-wives. Why would she send it to me? The funny thing is, this came on the ex-wife's phone because Jimmy won't let me have my own yet.

I'm still waiting for my very own Boost mobile phone. It's really nice coming to NASCAR, but can we go to T-Mobile and get my own phone? No. You can use my ex-wife's. I'm putting tape on the back of it so it has my name. The only thing I'm allowed to use is Jimmy's 2004 Nextel phone. Even Haley has a better phone. And hers is bedazzled.

Oh, Vicky. Okay, so Vicky sent her this horrible text telling her, back off. And V did insinuate, I don't know. I don't know what any of this is. But Heather's like, oh, my God. Are you guys going to fight in my luncheon? Because is that going to be the first time you guys see each other? Because that's the first party I'm having inside of the not done house how many parties is

this bitch gonna have for a house how many exactly and i've never seen i've never seen anyone throw as many parties in construction sites like these women from orange county i mean let's not forget what happened when uh tamra decided to throw a party and cut fitness before it was finished oh yeah no kidding And look what happened. Uneven floors. Uneven floors, Heather. Watch out. Heather, you may have to build an entirely new mansion,

like the time you did when you had an accidental baby and decided, you know, entirely new house. I like that on some of these shows, we call the women selfish and stuff because they have these lavish birthday parties for children. At least they're being supportive of their children i mean maybe they look like they're bragging or and they are and doing it for tv which of course they are but at least their kids are getting some kind of love out of it who's winning from this exactly what she's like kissing the house's ass stop with the fucking house do you have like nine children. Could you maybe celebrate them once?

Like all she does is celebrate this fucking mall house. Yeah. It's like when the first mall on the west side of El Paso opened. I mean people literally lined up for three weeks. And then they tried having another mall opening like every month. The mall has already – we've already seen the Claire's. Stop having mall openings, okay? Stop it.

So, Heather, who is, she is just a fun, loving gal these days. And because she's such a fun, loving gal, she left before the race even began. Great. Great job, Heather. Yeah. She's like, I've got to go design a bow for my luncheon cake. I mean, I think she said that she had some obligation. But whatever.

If I got invited to like with backstage passes and VIP, et cetera, et cetera, to NASCAR, I would sit the whole fucking day. Who cares? Yeah. Heather's on two shows now. Okay. She's on Botched. It's a show not about her house. Thank you very much.

She's playing a wife on Botched. I'm sorry. I've got to go to the Malibu Country Reunion. Tamara's like, have fun with your show, Botched. I'll be over here filming my show, Botched. And then Shannon, of course, the life of the party shows up. Well, I don't know anything about NASCAR, but I do know that David's called me from a car and told me that he stopped on the way to do some stocking. So, not happy.

Not happy with these cars. The only thing I know about NASCAR is that it involves cars. David? David, did you know more about NASCAR than I do? David, why did you ever tell me about NASCAR? David, did you tell your mistress about NASCAR? I bet you did. David, I thought this was going to be our special sport.

I thought we were going to be intimate about NASCAR. David? David? These cars are moving too did, David. I thought this was going to be our special sport. I thought we were going to be intimate about NASCAR. David, David. These cars are moving too fast, David. Sound familiar, David? Hmm? Sound familiar? I start vehicles. Don't call anybody while they're in the NASCAR.

It's rude. David, David, you always say you hate my checkered flooring. Why do you like this checkered flag, David? David. So then they cut to Jim having a conversation with the other guys. These men. Oh, my God. They're so boring.

He's like, yeah, well, this is like an accelerator and it goes on top of the muffler raider and then it accelerates and then terry says nothing and then david goes yeah well i mean wouldn't you be bored having to talk to jimmy edmonds the guy is just a neanderthal they just all seem so Like, everybody's fighting for their marriage on these shows, and it's like, why? You're married to, like, a slug. I mean, he's a slug who can buy you $7 million. Never mind. Just answered my question.

Yeah. Moving on. Well, what I loved is that when they went down, they went down to, like, the track, and Shannon's just like, David, look. David, David, look. David, look. David. David, why aren't you looking? David, are you looking at a woman?

Why aren't you looking at me? I am having 50 to 75 negative thoughts right now, David. David. David. Oh, David, look at all these cars passing right by us pretending they don't see us. They must be in a fight. David, I want you to write down every single car you've been in with your mistress. David.

David. David. David. Oh, Shannon. You know, sometimes I think that we're just constantly harping on this poor woman who's been through all of this stuff. And then an episode like this, which is every episode, by the way. And Shannon starts her woe is me, fake crying bullshit. And I'm like, you know what, Shannon? Shut the fuck up you're putting

your entire family on tv now and mortifying everybody involved and you do it every fucking week okay it's wonderful it's wonderful to watch and it's just making me kind of turn because every week i'm like really shannon again well that? Well, it's my birthday. Well, it's Gardening Day. Well, the last time we had Gardening Day, David was fucking some. Oh, it's my last birthday. David was fucking some. My last Easter, David found an egg in someone else's vagina. It's like, listen, bitch, if your husband is doing this much wrong to you,

get the fuck out of there. It's not like you're saving the children, okay? You're the one with money in the first place. Get rid of of it you think your kids need to sit around there and see that they're gonna have the kids already trusted men yeah like you're doing nobody any favors yeah exactly but anyway back to the nascar race so then they're talking again about the situation what megan said to vicky blah blah blah blah and basically it comes out they're all basically megan and shannon discover that tamra said told vicky everything they're like oh they're like like tamra but then the best part is that like then tamra and shannon basically the megan like yep it's your turn to be the asshole

now you're gonna get it from vicky and uh i mean i i hate megan i think she's she is the worst she does i think have a point though mean, she does have a point. She can't articulate very well very often. But when she asks – What do you mean? Stop taking words from the ex-wives. I want my own. I can't articulate it well.

I'm just busy doing Hailey's homework. I hate articulating. They're so old. I just have never been an art person. Yeah. articulating they're so old it's like those are antiques art person yeah um but i mean basically megan's point is if shannon has you know um this hookup this great hookup at this renown renown is it renowned or renown um i think both are acceptable okay um why would brooks not take it like and basically megan's point is that Leanne is fighting for her life, doing whatever she can, and it seems like Brooks is just not.

I think that's a fair point to make. Kind of. Kind of. It's not quite her place to make it. Yeah, it's not her place to make it. And for her to pretend that she was not completely filled with glee when she heard that Brooksoks was probably faking cancer i mean come on she wasn't just saying yeah i was just trying to help him that's not what she was doing she was totally being a bitch and also you know my aunt passed away of cancer and she and my grandma got cancer a few years later and was like

i can't have chemo i'm just gonna let it run its course and she died of cancer and it was her choice because chemo is awful and watching my aunt die that way was awful and then megan the reason i'm bringing this up is uh because megan's like leanne can't even have chemo i mean she it makes her bleed internally so i just don't understand why someone won't doesn't want chemo i'm like you just said in the same sentence that leanne is bleeding internally are we sure that it was the chemo it was the chemo causing leanne to bleed internally it wasn't just megan oh god oh no my liver chemo kills the cells by killing cells it kills you you know it's just will it kill you faster

than cancer you know it's so sad oh my god yeah anywho so then i believe tamra we then go to asino tamra uh wanting to get back into real estate bitch i never gave up my license bet because I just knew one day that I was going to be running far away from my husband. Like, what? That is so romantic, Tamara. I'm glad it's working out for you. She said she's concerned now because she's concerned about not knowing anything anymore. I'm like, that never stopped you before, Tamara. In fact, I don't think you ever knew anything about anything at any time and what has changed so much and what has she been gone from

real estate for two years i mean didn't two seasons ago open with her showing a house like bitch please yeah she's always she's always showing a house um it's so different nah well so is your face imagine how these homes feel feel. They're probably like, who are you? Who is this possum face idiot with a low-hanging string belt with white jeans? Ugh. If these walls could talk, hopefully they'd tell you to change your clothes, darling. Oh, gosh. Hopefully the house would say, you're showing me in white jeans and a low-hanging

string belt batch the house is like you're trying to haunt me it's a ghost trying to get into me and haunt us heather's got 97 closets perfectly planned you can't do one yeah the house is like can we do sage to get you out of here instead? The ghosts are like, where's that sage at? Where's that sage? That's their version of chemo. Tamara's like a constantly burning sage. The ghosts are just like, bye.

I am like sage because I'm the hottest realtor in Orange County. I'm burning up. My mom was living in my house, but then Tamara came over and she left. She was done. Then the whole thing is that basically Tamara is, so Ryan and the girl. You know like cat fitness batch? It's like a baby.

It's like a baby. Okay, I caught that. It's like you have it and then it just like sucks you dry. It sucks you dry and then it's like walking like it's on warped floors for a few years. And then when it's like old enough to talk to you, you're like, I'm done with you, bitch. Bye. Trevor's like, cup fitness is like a baby, you know? It's like you have it before you're old enough to know what to do with it.

So then you just let it out in the world and it gets a bunch of tattoos and has another cup fitness. Before it's old enough to know what to do with its own cut fitness. That's what cut fitness is like. It's just like a baby because you're like, baby, when are you going to start making some money and stop asking me for things? Broke baby. Stupid broke babies. My favorite part about being a parent to cut fitness

is taking cut fitness to Lake Havasu and having a beer with it for the first time. Fetch. I love when cut fitness to Lake Havasu and having a beer with it for the first time. Fetch. I love when cut fitness abuses his girlfriend and then decides to at least marry her because I've raised a good cut fitness, okay? It's called commitment.

No one knows what it's like to only be able to see cut fitness half the time. I love when she says cut fitness is like a baby. You remember that you had a little plastic male ugly, like one of those real ugly babies last year, and you couldn't take care of it, right? That kind of explains a lot.

Yeah, exactly. And if Cup Fitness is like a baby, and basically, if Ryan is any indication of how your babies turn out, I'd be very concerned about your fitness. Cup Fitness is going to be trying to get on sense of anarchy like years too late hot fitness has been taking steroids yeah it's just like a baby that you have on the show you fucking uh ignore it most of the time

and just use it as a plot point you're done uh so sorry I'm not buying this whole Tamara's such a nice person thing I'm gonna get baptized oh my god did you hear about Brexit's fake cancer at dinner from a psychic that I hired but Megan totally misconstrued and tried to ruin your life Becca did you so then

meanwhile then we go to Shannon damn it and Shannon's kids are like doing arts and crafts we're doing something i don't know what they're doing they're doing something pleasant and nice and shannon was actually smiling and then david came in it's like oh what are you guys working on and shannon was smiling and for a moment it was like a happy family and shannon's like david's been making so much progress and it was like look at this They've gone from the tombstone to, like, actually doing something as a family unit. Yeah, now the kids are making a marriage chart on poster board.

That's so sweet. Open it up to the family. So sweet. So then we learned that Shannon has a birthday coming up. And they're all going out to dinner. And the kids don't want to go. And they're like, can we just not go from five to six? And Shannon gets all fussy.

She's like, there's some TV show on they want to watch david david you know about this tv show david do you watch this with your mistress david it's called a dvr this is what it's like raising tweens my favorite shannon this is so shannon this entire scene first of all she's setting up oh it's gonna be my birthday i'm if shannon's smiling about anything you know that it's gonna go badly and she's gonna use this for tears in five minutes because that's the only time shannon ever says she's happy about anything is when she knows that it has a terrible ending and she can't wait to fake cry about it on tv yes so you know this is going downhill then her kids are like writing the apology or whatever they were doing. And she's like, my kids don't like writing an apology letter, but I made them do it.

And Stella's like, screw you, mom, or whatever. And she's like, I'm fine. Oh, well, Stella's a little grudge holder. Oh, here's your dad, the cheater. Hey, David, do you want to have a meeting with the kids about how you cheated again? We've only had four this month, David. Do you want to confess anything? He's like, oh, hey, kids.

Talk about a grudge holder. What an odd thing to call her. I know. Right after your dad cheated meeting number four that's been televised. Jesus Christ. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Oh, now

Vicky and Brooke's on a boat. Yeah, but meanwhile, Vicky's seasickness has surprisingly disappeared. Oh, yeah, totally again. Yeah. It only seems to happen when she can make a big scene about it. I didn't even notice that. That's so true. She only gets seasickness if she can, like, be crazy on the boat.

And everyone's like, oh, my God, Vicky. Which is hilarious because in this very scene, she's talking about, like, it about like it's so nice because you know like it's nice to be the center of attention for once i'm like for once you're always the center of attention vicky have you ever heard your voice have you ever heard the way you scream you were always the center of attention yeah vicky is that girl who works at ross vicky is that girl who works at ross dress for less who's just always coming over the speaker going uh we need someone in shoes we need someone in shoes we need someone in shoes we need like we know you just want to hear yourself on the mic you said it 10 times in

a minute okay it's like if you want to go to karaoke night go to karaoke night don't torture us all with your moment at the fucking microphone i know by the way this is what i imagine vicky yelling uh over the microphone at ross so vicky yes and not only that she's on this boat and she's like oh you know this whole brooks cancer thing i mean it's hard brooks having cancer so it's nice for me to be the center of attention it's like oh wow i'm glad you beat cancer tonight jesus yeah like i'm glad brooks is finally not paying attention to that cancer for a night and getting you that three-course, you know, fucking airplane food on a boat meal that you've been craving. And Vicky says she's never the center of attention.

She then goes on to tell the waiter or the chef. She's like, oh, you know, my mom died six weeks ago, you know. So this is my first birthday without having my mom. So, you know, when you have your first birthday, when your mom, after your mom has died, it's very special. So I want you to know that, you know, Mr. Server, if you don't like for someone who doesn't want to be, is not used to being a center of attention, you certainly have a way of like weaving in a very dramatic fast of your life into a very mundane moment. It's like, here's your broccoli. Oh, you know, my mom just died.

And, you know, it makes me think about how things grow. Like broccoli, things are alive and then they're dead. And broccoli is something that was once alive. And now I'm going to eat it. And now it's dead. Like my mom. My mom just died, by the way. Oh, gosh.

Just broccoli is roughage. You know what else is roughage? My mom, dang. She just died. Have I mentioned that? Oh, terrible. You know what? Broccoli is my mom's favorite vegetable. Hey, mom, want some broccoli? Oh, God. Just remembered she mentioned that oh terrible you know what broccoli is my favorite

is my mom's favorite vegetable hey mom want some broccoli oh god just remembered she died hey you know what sir but my mom just died six weeks ago hey could you do me a favor and give my mom a call oh my mom oh god stop stop stop using your mom's like real fucking pain for your stupid tv show vicky and you know that that whole boat trip is on her fucking Wells Fargs card. You know it is. No, it's not even. It's on Bravo's tab. She's like, thank you so much for bringing me to dinner.

And he's like, thanks for changing the pin number back to a number I can remember. She's like, thanks for taking me out onto the SS, ma'am. Oh, it's actually called the SS, like, clean spirit. Oh, no, I thought it was the SS, ma'am, Oh, it's actually called the SS, like, clean spirit. Oh, no, I thought it was the SS mom because it made me think of my, oh, no, my mom died six weeks ago. That's right. This should be called the USS mom because the engine was on and now it's off, like my mom.

Oh, God, waiter. Oh, God. Would you like a drink? I'd like a gin martini with a splash of mom. Oh, my God. I forgot, mom. Please.

Did you ask my mom what she wants to drink? Oh, God, I forgot she's not here because she died. Oh, God. The ever romantic Brooks. She's like, oh, Brooks, thanks for taking time out of cancer to have dinner with me. And he's like, oh, baby, you're my everything. You're the motor in my motorboat. You're the shining my sunshine, girl.

I'd do anything for you. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Dinner's coming. The check is on you. That's right. I love you, baby. I love you, Brooks.

Gross. I'd take a bullet for you, Brooks. I would take a bullet for you. Would you take a bullet for you brooks i would take a bullet for you would you take a bullet for me he's like well you know i would take uh the couch in the living room from you well no box you know a bullet i'd die for you i'd be like one of those guys who jumps in front of the president you know i'd be like one of those guys he's like that's that's nice so they're selling shrimp it's like are you gonna say you would take a bullet for Vicky? She bought you new teeth, okay? He's like, yeah, I'll take a bullet for you.

You're talking about bullet bourbon, right? You want one? I'm going to get one for myself. You want one also? I'll take it for you. I'll take your shot for you, hon. What a giver, Brooks. Anyway, so then that bet realtor, Tamra Barney, judge, shows Megan around the house because...

Oh, it's so hard. Like, Jimmy, like, Jimmy wants, like, a $7 million house. Then he wants, like, a $5 house. Then he wants to rent a condo. Then he wants to, like, have sex with a new wife. And then he wants, like, the old wife. And then he wants, like, the chair that he had in his first wife's house. And then I wants like the old wife and then he wants like the chair that he had in his first wife's house and i'm like and then tamra tells her that heather locklear used to live

there or something and i was like oh who's heather locklear she's like an old is she like an older model yeah she's like an old model she's like an old person like from vicky's time well she said yeah she said that about banjo she didn't know who Richie Sambora was or Tommy Lee. She's like, I don't listen to Bon Jovi or Motley Crue. That's like music for like Shannon or Vicky's age. I'm like, bitch. Okay, you're 30. I'm not 30 year old. You're 30 actually and you're not a millennial. Okay, you're not

Haley. You're not dumb Haley. You're 30. You're six years younger than I am. You know who Bon Jovi is. You know who Tommy Lee is. And if you don't, you're a bigger idiot than I ever thought. So don't think it makes you seem younger and funnier that you don't know who these people are. It just makes you look stupider. As if she doesn't know the name and bank account number of every rich fucking older person in California. Please.

Like, you ended up with Jimmy Edmonds because you're... You just liked his personality. I like when he sits there and then he's like talks about muffler raiders it's so sick i've been looking for a man like that my whole life bitch please you're married to an older man for his money don't be acting like old people are so disgusting when you just like fucking tea bagged one last night shut up yeah and by the way uh there's just there's just no way that you get you can't go organize a trip trip to NASCAR and then act like you don't even know who Bon Jovi is. Okay?

Just relax. Just relax. Take a seat. Okay? Take a seat, Megan. At the very least, you understand his hair choices. All right, bitch? Yeah, exactly.

All right? Just keep poking, Megan. Keep poking, Megan. Keep on, Megan. You know what happened to the balloon that... Keep it up. You know what happened to the balloon that people kept poking? It deflated, Megan. And then it was just on, Megan. You know what happened to the balloon that people kept poking? It deflated, Megan.

And then it was just on the floor, deflated. So keep on poking, Megan. Okay, poking, Megan. Speaking of Shannon, now comes the scene. Here we go. I've already been angry about this scene, so I'll let you do it. This is the scene. You know, they should have ended with this scene.

I know that, well, there was a huge one. The marriage. They should have ended the marriage with this scene so i'll let you do it this is the scene you know they should have ended with the scene because this i know that well there was a marriage they should have been the marriage with the scene yes i agree this was i don't know i was cracking up at this dysfunction so um it's shannon's birthday and david's like oh let's i thought i'd try a new restaurant for your birthday um aka bravo arranged a deal with this restaurant. I was like, guess what? You're going to dinner at this place. Okay. So Shannon probably wanted to go to a French bistro with white tablecloths.

Yeah, and they're not going to let your Bravo ass in there, okay? Yeah. So David takes her to what looks actually like a pretty fun gastropub, you know? And Shannon is immediately pissed off. So first of all, it's too loud. Actually, David is the one who says it's loud in there. And Shannon just stares at him like, David, I can't believe you took me to a place where there are people talking. David.

David. Oh, I'm really glad that we didn't let the girls watch TV and now here we are with five of them surrounding us. Great, David. Yeah, TV's everywhere. David. Has this bar never heard of a DVR? Is this bar a tween? Yeah. And she's like, it's a sports bar and I'm not sure it's appropriate for kids. Damn it.

Which, by the way, it was totally appropriate for kids. And it wasn't a sport. It was a gastropub. You can tell. There's a difference between a sports bar and a gastropub, okay? And if anything, people always take their kids to sports bars. I think that's, like, one of the formative experiences of being a kid is that you go to a place like, you know. Of course.

Buffalo Wild Wings. Yes. Your parents can get drunk while you're staring at a TV screen. It's called America, Shannon. Yeah, and Shannon's already pissed that David brought him here. Well, by the way, Shannon, you're the one who blacklisted

all these restaurants because David took his mistress there. So this is what you get. We're out of fancy restaurants, okay? He's fucked somebody in the bathroom of every other restaurant, okay? It's this or Applebee's and they're sick of this cast ruining their restaurant. They're sick of getting

drinks thrown around, okay? Yeah, that's actually probably why she was angry because the place she really wanted to go to was already tainted by that woman that David ran into on the beach. There needs to be a Yelp for all the people that David has had sex with. So I know this place is going to have wonderful

fries, but David had sex with somebody there. I need a penis sign instead of a dollar sign on David Yelp. You know that she was scouring the Ashley Madison hack. You know she was like, David Bedore. David Bedore. Where's David Bedore? Oh, he probably used his Gmail. Well, there you go.

It's Carmen San Diego Gmail. Oh, David probably used his Gmail. Well, there you go. It's CarmenSanDiegoGmail. Oh, David tricked me again. David, from here on out, you're only allowed to use Hotmail. This is funny because a girl named Ashley Madison tried to become my best friend and before I knew it, she was asking me how I was

every single day. She was asking me how I was. No, Shannon, that was just the Like message that comes on in your car When you started up How are you? David the car is asking me how I am Have you been cheating with the car? Is this a cover?

Why is this car trying to befriend me? David why is the car telling me Welcome to the Jaguar I know I'm in the Jaguar Why is it telling me that? I know I'm there Don't treat me that way Jaguar, welcome to the Jaguar? I know I'm in the Jaguar. Why is it telling me that? I know I'm there. Don't treat me that way, Jaguar.

Miss 30-year-old. Miss 30-year-old Jaguar. We're gone to a strange place. Sorry. My car, when I get into my car, I have a Toyota Camry. When I get into my car, a message comes up. It goes, welcome to Camry. Which is funny. It doesn't even, like, Camry as if it's, a state of state of mind toyota camry it is a state of mind i think cars are a little state

of mind you know they say a lot about the people um i think that uh this show needs to get a better budget because it was really tacky having the same waiter come over and be like hi today's specials are vicky's mom's dead. How many waiters do we need to see on this episode? Stop showing me every waiter. I believe that they're at a restaurant. Okay. Stop it.

So anyway, so Shannon's not happy about the noise, everything. So then the waitress comes over and brings her a cocktail with like five lime wedges. And Shannon's like, I don't want to be in a med arm. Just squeeze the lime in it. That's what I asked. Oh, that's okay. I'll do it. Okay, I'll do it myself. What the heck?

Look at me. I'm a waitress now. Look at me doing service. Oh, this is great, David. I get to serve people on my birthday. This is fantastic. I hope I get a tip. Yeah, but I know.

Here's a tip, David. Let's go a different place. So then David, of course, then responds in his own passive-aggressive way. He goes, sorry, it's my fault. As usual, I've been striking out a lot.

Cheers, lahoney. Yeah. I've been striking out a lot like that girl's husband that you hate. It's like, oh, my God, you're using a strikeout reference when she hates Megan. Like, this guy, honestly, like, Shannon, of course, has a right to be hurt. Her husband is probably a serial cheater. And if not a serial with multiple people, like, the fucking guy had, like, a full-on relationship while he was married. Listen, leave him. The guy's an asshole.

Then he takes you to a fucking sports bar. If the guy takes you, who would take Shannon to a sports bar? Like, come on. But it wasn't a sports bar like come on but it wasn't a sports i wait i just want to say it's a place with loud tvs and shit and like ribs i mean why would you take shannon there it was a gash excuse me it was a gash of them they were eating ribs ben no she was eating short ribs she was eating braised short ribs okay it came in a nice little skillet it was i think it was actually appropriate for like a family casual family birthday dinner i actually think it was a totally fine space um and she was you obviously don't know shannon well she was making it sound like they were they were going to applebee's or chili's okay and it was it was nicer than that because they're you know in the

la area and i think probably down in orange county now there are many of these restaurants that are you know quote-unquote gastro pubs which serve excellent food but they are in this super casual environment you know so her kid knows right her stella the one that i love because she's always like fuck you mom uh i think it was stella who said um mom you you seem miserable you're so unhappy god i feel some tension between you guys like no no there's no tension i just hate your father you're a cheating father and the dad's like i'm sorry and the kid goes just go to mastro's yeah you see the kid knows like why aren't we fucking mastro's right now like you can take kids to mastro's you don't have to color on the back

of a fucking menu to take your kids there for christ's sake they just toilet papered their first house if that's not independence. Well, you know that Mastro's is blacklisted. If any place is blacklisted, it's Mastro's. You know for sure he took his mistress there. Oh, that's true. I mean, the name practically sounds like Mastro's.

I mean, here is where David is at fault. Hey, babe, I didn't know where to take you, but it sounds like Mastro's, so I thought it would be good for a date. She's like, thanks. I love older guys. But, you, but it sounds like mistress, so I thought it would be good for a date. She's like, thanks. I love older guys. But, you know, the thing is this. I think the restaurant looked totally fine, but obviously it was not Shannon's sort of restaurant. So I think where David is at fault is that he should have known that his wife was here.

I'm saying, how can you be married to Shannon and think that that's okay? I've known Shannon for a year and a half, and I know that shit's not okay. I heard those TVs the second they walked in. I was like, oh, my God, this guy wants Shannon to leave him so that he can get some money or something. There's some reason that he's waiting for her to do it. Well, she's probably like, David probably just took me here so he could watch the game instead of me. David. David.

Oh, David. Oh, wow. Restaurant where someone's throwing their balls around. That's great, David. Great way to celebrate my birthday when you had it for the last year. But here's what I hated. You know, okay, it's not the restaurant that Shannon may have wanted to go to, but, like, get over it, bitch. You got your kids there.

She's like, you know what? It kills me that the kids can see the tension. You know, that's terrible. Well, you know what? The reason why they can see the tension is because you were acting like an a-hole, okay? Well, you know what? The reason why they can see the tension is because you were acting like an a-hole, okay? Just sit down.

You bring it up every chance you get, and you bring up their father's affair in front of them on TV and make them sit there and listen to how your dad is apologizing for the 90th time. But she's complaining the entire time. I mean, like, she gets her short ribs. She goes, David, this is just riddled with fat. David, David. I can't eat this. I'm too fat, David. I can't eat this. I'm too fat, David. I can't eat this. And he's like, well, babe, you ordered short ribs.

Short ribs have a lot of fat. David, no, they're supposed to be, you know, if this was braised for 12 hours, the fat should have melted off. There should not be fatty at all. Oh, there's a reason that Shannon is staying with David. And it is not because she's so in love and they have kids together and all this bullshit that you might hear on TV. Shannon is staying with David because she is a miserable human being and she wants to be miserable. And there are people like that, many of them, that are just addicted. They're only happy if they're miserable.

That woman will go to heaven and be like, I look fat and white. Why is everyone in white? Why is my house white? I don't get to choose my own house color. She's like, you know, I see why people like heaven. I mean, if I were skinny, I would love this place. But I'm not. I don't like heaven.

There's something in her that needs to be miserable. And then there's something in David. There's something in David that needs to, like, just completely be a disappointment and a failure. Because he does it on purpose every time. Like, this is it on purpose every time yeah like this is she also yeah i mean because she she was like and she just was going crazy she was like talking about the sauce on her shorts david david it's filled with sugar david david it's like bitch it's your birthday live a little bit it's okay the ribs are too fatty david if i braise ribs the fat you

braise them until the fat falls off and he's's like, well, just cover it in sauce, babe. And she's like, oh, the sauce is filled with sugar. It's like, oh. You know, Shannon, what do you think happens to that fat? Yeah, like the collagen melts or whatever. Actually, no, it's not the fat that dissolves. I mean, the fat does get, like, lusciously, you know, melty and everything. But the whole reason why the braise is because it's the collagen and the tendons and everything.

That all is what melts away. Either way, I could be totally wrong. But the point is this. You ordered short ribs. Yeah. Why are you trying to find something healthy in short ribs? If you order short ribs, you're not eating healthy. I'm sorry, Shannon.

Yeah, sorry. I'm a person who's never in a relationship. I don't have that want for whatever reason. But even I am a better husband than David. Because I know exactly where to take Shannon on her fucking 50th birthday or her 51st. Yeah, veggie grill. No. You take her to the rescue center and let her watch dogs being put down for two hours.

Just let her sit there and sob and cry about the injustice of it all. And boom, you're done. That bitch will go home and ride you like a stallion. Yeah. Well, so eventually we saw why Shannon was being so ornery. Because last year on her 50th birthday, Shannon tells us, you know, David was intimate with me. And then later he told me, you know, when I was david was intimate with me and then later he told me you know when i was intimate with you on your birthday then i left and was intimate with her david who even knows what intimate means with shannon she didn't even hug her husband without two martinis for his last

season okay uh intimate could have been like folding the towel for her before he you know went out for the night who fucking knows with her? He gave her nine lemons. We're having an intimate moment. He's giving me lemons for the bowl. Yeah, last year for my 50th birthday, David didn't feed me, which was the most romantic thing he's ever done. And then he fucked someone. It's like, how could he do that? How could you be the most romantic person one minute

and then completely leave me? My thought was, David has got an amazing penis if he can be having that much sex and whatnot. Because that guy's older than me and my penis, exhausted. It's like I'm tired. I've worked for you all week. I'm drunk on Friday night too. There's no way I'm doing more work.

I'm done. And David, meanwhile, is like banging a wife and somebody else. I mean, Jesus, man. It's probably all that like butterfly spinal fluid shannon makes you take in the morning stop giving him that stuff so then shannon uh then shannon's reveals that because of the this dark cloud over her 50th birthday she thought her 50th 51st birthday would make up for it. Why would you think that? Why?

He was just in therapy describing his affair as the best time of his life. Like, seriously, woman. I can't with her anymore. I can't. Listen, if a man is that horrible to you and mistreats you, which he does. I agree with her. He's completely self-involved. He has no idea what she even likes.

He doesn't make any fucking effort unless she makes him to do it. He cheats, and the only reason he feels bad about cheating is getting caught and says so on air. Listen, the guy's an asshole. You're correct. No one deserves to get treated like that. But when you stay there year after year, you do deserve it. Sorry, you're an idiot. What do you think is going to happen? year after year. You do deserve it. Sorry, you're an idiot. What do you think is going to happen? Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. It's like standing on a train track and then being shocked when the train comes. Trains have been doing that for years. They're not going to change because of you. You're not changing a train, Shannon. Yeah, I think that she's

concerned about the kids. She doesn't want to screw up the kids. The kids are already screwed up. She's already fucking broke. Not her. Both of them have already screwed those kids up. There's no way they're Just wait till they get to it. Both of them have already screwed those kids up. There's no way they're ever going to have trust in people. They seem fine now, but give it three years for the oldest one and watch what happens. You don't teach two daughters anything by staying with a man who cheats on you, talks about it on TV, and then mistreats you for the rest of your life.

What are you teaching your children? What the hell is that? Like, oh, well, find a horrible man and stay with him, kids, because that's life. No. Like, we live in a different world now. You are not tied to somebody for the rest of your life you're going to hell, okay? If somebody is mistreating you, get the fuck out of there and stop bitching to me. Like, you are the biggest victim in the world.

I'm over it. And from now on, it's your fault. And next time he does cheat on you yep it's your fault because you're just sitting there taking it like a punching bag guess what punching bags do they get hit shannon move shannon stopping a punching bag you fucking pussy and for the rest of you out there you think i'm being too harsh i'm talking to you all right all you women who are sitting out there taking this shit from some man that is bullshit stop it stop taking so this shit from some man, that is bullshit. Stop it. Stop taking so much shit from a man and then wondering why he doesn't change.

He doesn't change because you are taking it. Stop it. What happened to feminism? Where is it? I want feminism! Stop putting up with men's bullshit, people, and they'll stop giving so much of it. Thank you. Thank you. There you go. Wow. I'm sick of it it's bullshit i do not

like the money women treat themselves like this i don't like it drops the mic dropped it you wish you wish audience still holding it because i'm 40 and i have a mic stand now i can't drop it i would have to actually get up from my couch desk. Well. All right. On that note. Go ahead, Ben. So now I think the next thing that happens is that there is a luncheon. I think Heather's luncheon is the next thing that we see, right? It's my fault.

Everyone's cracking out. Oh, yeah. It's more David. Oh, God. I have to turn this page. Literally, Shannon, you see it cracking out. Oh, yeah. It's more David. Oh, God. I have to turn this page. Literally, Shannon, you see it? Look, listen to this. Turning a page, Shannon.

Take a hint. Fucking A. Okay. So now Heather's having a luncheon at her construction site because her house is halfway done. Like, I mean, it's so ridiculous. Why do you need to just wait until it's done, Heather? Wait until it's done. Why do you need to Just wait till it's done Heather Why do you need to do this right now We're looking for land

Oh we looked at this property let's have a party on it We bought some land let's have a party on the land we bought Oh we're building a house Let's have a party for the digging part Oh it's half way done It's like Please I wish I was Colette so i could just crawl into the million

dollar cabinets and shut that bitch up oh my god so heather invited all the women plus some others uh whatever happened to katie their jesus friend she served i know that she she was going to be a cast member and then she dropped out whatever but she has fully disappeared i guess she's i guess at this point she's in the thick of her um divorce yeah i think all that stuff started happening right when they started shooting because she's not enough of a fame whore yeah because uh heather invited some other woman who had crazy bad blonde hair and a fake tan and i was like oh whatever happened to that other girl with a really bad blonde hair and a fake tan i need someone with terrible hair okay i don't want to look friendless I need someone with terrible hair, okay?

I don't want to look friendless. Get me someone with terrible hair. Well, we know someone in the cul-de-sac down the hill. Get her. Just get her. There's someone at Baja Fresh that might be good for you. Get her in here. Come on.

Whatever. I'm a woman of the people, you know? I invite everyone. Everyone from the community can come into my mansion. That's fine. I don't care. Because I can help put up a Baja Fresh in the basement anyway. It's because it's by the maid's room.

When the maid is having to take the luggage from the luggage room into the garage, I want her to be able to stop for a snack first. I mean, I'm not heartless. Okay. Yeah. So then we started to get a tour of this estate, which was just so excessive.

There's room for the luggage. There's this. There's that. There's a... It was just... That house is basically why people hate America. Yeah.

I'm just waiting for the earthquake to hit and I can just go right down into the ocean. Sorry. Sorry. And it didn't help that Heather,

who's got all the money in the world and brags about it every second that she gets, was wearing the dress that Allura designed on Married to Medicine. She was wearing the same dress. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, but she was doing her whole thing, you know, where, you know, what Heather does, I call it the NYU acting school thing. I'm not even sure if she went to Tisch.

But she, like, when she's trying to be one of the people, likes to sort of do this like thing with her hands almost like pinball paddles you know she goes like come on in i thought i'd show them around show them all the things yeah you know we're very privileged we have all this but you know it's fun we have hey if we can build a room for the luggage why not let's drive one around method champagne method was at the washington whatever it's called. I don't know. Colette. Method champagne was. I mean, that's, I was method. And so my champagne was will be too.

You know, I went to acting school. It's where I first met Reba. Reba. First met in acting school. Method. Very method. Just like Reba. Yeah.

You know, that's, you know, let's do a show together. It's called Malibu Country. It'd be hilarious. That's what we did. That's all. That's all. Woman of the people. Heather is so gross. It's called Malibu Country. It'd be hilarious. That's what we did. That's all. Woman of the people. Heather is so gross. She's like, okay, everybody.

Okay, this is, we have 14 bathrooms, first of all. Okay, and they're each individual. Every single one of them is unique. I'm like, congratulations on your fucking precious snowflake bathrooms. You know people just go in there and dump loads, right? Like, are you really bragging about the 14 unique load takers shannon twice so then so she goes and and then they all go and they sit sit around the table and then oh my god this is the worst part because heather makes some speech and she's like and i'm gonna send this toast around the table and for like 10 minutes we're sitting here hearing clink clink clink as every single woman cheers the woman to next her and went all the way around i was like oh my god it was that hello it was like

it was like a slow motion serial team talk instead of like clink clink clink it was like clink It was like, clink, clink, clink, clink. Like, oh, my God. We have to watch. Oh, we're watching all the glasses go. Okay. We're even going to watch the women who aren't even on the show. We're going to see fake Katie do it.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Clink. Well, I like that you make that analogy because it is similar in the way that the evidence is so convoluted by the time any case comes to these women. They're fighting over the dumbest things in the case. Like, well, was there a payphone or wasn't there? It's like I just listened to two hours of this about whether or whether or not there was a payphone. That's what it's like listening to these women. It's like, I didn't say it.

A psychic said it. And then Tamara got this. Oh, Tamara did it? Wait, I these women. It's like, I didn't say it. A psychic said it. And then Tamara got this. Oh, Tamara did it? Wait, I'm confused. Who's my friend? It's like you're all confused because you're all stupid. Like no one could follow the fight. Vicky didn't know who she was even mad at by the end of it.

By the way, we should say that, of course, there was like all these pleasantries in beginning of the of the um of the luncheon and then of course it's megan megan's such an idiot she goes uh vicky um uh i i got your you know you sent me a text message and i got a feeling that you were um annoyed at me and be like you'll bet you and and then megan's like um i just want to explain and then megan starts to go into it you're like oh megan why Why are you doing this? You know it's going to be a disaster. And I love how one of Vicky's first responses sort of goes back to what we were saying a few minutes ago. She's like, you know what?

Is my mother still alive? Guess what? She's dead. I'm like, what? What does that have to do with anything? Of course. Of course that's part of her argument. My mom's dead.

I'll kill you. It's like, yeah yeah and you're still with brooks who's lying about cancer so anything to refute that other than your mom's dead vicky any other argument she's like what are you gonna tell people my mom's alive too because she's dead oh why don't you just go tell everyone she's alive go ahead go ahead see if i care 30 year old it's like oh geez dad has the answer not a psychic She's such a, listen, when people start with this religious shit on TV to make their horrible, horrible point that has nothing to do with religion. She's like, listen, we pray every, what was she saying about Jesus? And she's like, if you are a real Christian, you would know that.

And Megan's like, this has nothing to do with Christianity. Yes, it does. Because God's word is the truth. And I'm going to take you down. I was like, really? So we're pulling out the Old Testament God now? Like, which God are you going to go with right now? Because you can't be, like, spouting God shit with one, you know, with one tongue.

And then the other one threatening to take somebody down and basically calling them a stupid whore because they're younger than you yeah i don't seem to remember vicky appreciate appreciating it very much whenever alexis bellino would invoke the name of god so it's kind of funny to me that vicky is now all of a sudden you know miss religion over here yeah it was god's way i still got insurance listen i watched sister. I am very religious. Shannon's like, oh, that's what my kids wanted to watch. I made them DVR it. They wouldn't even watch it. What do kids have against DVRs? Anybody?

Anybody? You know, I would watch Sister Act, but it reminds me of David's husband act, if you know what I'm saying. I just think, thank God I don't have a sister, because you know David. Oh, geez. Talk about a habit. Right, girls? The way that David looks at that Kathy and Jimmy, I just won't let him watch it.

David, how many mistresses have you watched Kathy and Jimmy films with? David, tell me the truth. I don't want to be sitting there watching Soap Dish when I find out. On my 49th birthday,id and i watched hocus pocus together and then i found out that he went out and watched hocus pocus with her and then i'm like on the podcast years later oh my god how many times can that guy watch hocus pocus his concentration skills are amazing for an older guy so then so then so then what's what's great is that once megan realizes she's not making any inroads with vicky she then just throws all the other women under the bus she's like she's

like well i mean all the other women were saying that you've never gone to a chemo treatment with brooks and then everyone's like i thought that was pretty awesome, actually, because that is what they... I mean, she wasn't lying, was she? That is what they told her. It's Tamara, first of all, causing all of this, as usual. And Tamara's like, she doesn't even got a chemo

with that bitch. And she's like, really? Who does that? You know? And then they show Vicky like, well, I've been to chemo two times. And then Vicky's like, I always go to chemo. I'm the one sitting there watching you with chemo in his arm. Me. It's me.

It's like, really? You've been to chemo? Wait, what? Well, this is when Shannon busts out her most obscure insult of the season, which goes, hmm, what are you, Woodward and Bernstein meets Florence Nightingale? I didn't get that either. Well, I know who they are, but

I don't get the joke because she's a nurse and they're investigating, like you're a nurse investigator. She's uncovering a conspiracy in the medical field. That's what Shannon was saying. I give her props for making a reference. This is where the argument just went crazy.

Because Vicky's saying, how dare you? Of course I do. And Shannon's like, well, all I was saying is that I, you know, I helped get David into this hospital. And she's like, yeah, and he didn't go because he has his own doctors. And Megan's like, yeah, but that's a really hard hospital to get into. Like, I mean, they know I'm Jimmy Edmonds' wife. They'll only let his ex-wives in. I haven't even reached his status yet.

And Vicky's like, so what? So he has a different cancer. Chemo doesn't treat every cancer, okay? And they don't treat the same cancer with everything from the same hospital. I'm like, Vicky, honey, honey. They do. You don't get to just make up your own treatments, okay? I don't know what Brooks told you, but...

He's like taking a refrigerator all or something like that. Yeah, it goes back to cancer chemo. Like, give me a round of queso. It's like, no, that's queso. That is not chemo. It's not the same thing. Vicky's like, well, you know, that's our truth. And we have our own truth. And sometimes supersizing at McDonald's is better than chemo.

And that's it. That's our truth. And then Vicky goes back to her standard insult when she has nothing left to say. She goes, you know what? You need to go away. You're a little girl who needs to get a job. Yeah, you're just 30. I'm not going to listen to some 30-year-old.

And what a – such a cunt i'm sorry such a bitchy thing to say and then a then megan of course which megan was cracking me up too because megan was doing that pretend cry thing i love when they do that she looked like she was choking on a chili pepper yeah she's like but i was only trained to help and she's like no you 30 year old and then the tears immediately, which were never there. But the fake cry immediately stops. And she's like, you're just an old bitter hag. And then Vicky goes, what?

Like, why is it okay to be making someone, making fun of someone because of their age, but then it's suddenly not OK. Five seconds later. Yeah, exactly. Well, that's when I think that's when Vicky Explode just yelled shut up, which I recorded because I thought it was just so amazing. She's just like, shut up over and over. You don't get to walk in and start talking to somebody like that. You never even knew what this idiot was saying. Now, granted, Megan's a shitster. She's an idiot.

And yes, she is too young to be on the show. They shouldn't be making them hang out with people who are, I mean, I don't know, Megan's a shitster. She's an idiot. And yes, she is too young to be on the show. They shouldn't be making them hang out with people who are, I mean, I don't know, at least 20 years younger. They're not going to be friends. But getting mad at her for being young is totally rude. And then starting this whole thing like,

oh, well, when Megan says, well, I have someone I care about, Cancer. She's like, oh, yeah, your ex. You know, your ex's, or your husband's ex. Oh, really, Vicky? Who do you care about cancer. She's like, oh, yeah, your ex, you know, your ex is or your husband's ex. Oh, really, Vicky? Who do you care about? Someone else's ex. Like, let's not forget that your man is a fucking deadbeat dad to multiple children and was married to.

And also, like, you're not allowed to say who she's like. If she cares about Leanne dying of cancer then that's legit i mean we don't like megan but you know you know but i can't deny the real horrible shit she does this isn't what she did wasn't mean she was like actually trying to help your idiot boyfriend give me a break megan is where megan made a tactical mistake is that she just did not clearly and cogently say, listen, the only question I had was why if Brooks had – if Shannon was willing to get Brooks into this amazing program, why Brooks didn't even seem to entertain that? That seemed strange to me and that's all I was questioning. Which I mean Vicky still would have exploded at that too. Megan should just have not brought it up and just

also Vicky's been told at this point I'm sure by all of the producers and everybody on the show what's going on and that these women are saying that you know her man doesn't have cancer and blah blah blah and so she's coming at it from that angle I'm sure thinking like this fame hungry bitch

is coming onto my territory and then trying to discredit me to make herself look good. And she's not wrong. I mean, it's not like Megan's an angel. Of course, Megan doesn't believe that Brooks has cancer. Like she looked like a dog with a bone when she found that information out. And all the women did because he's awful. OK, that's that's it.

So I see both points. But Vicky, like the insults that Vicky screams at people are just so hypocritical. Like, you're making fun of her for caring about someone's ex. You're fucking somebody's ex. Like, you're literally caring for somebody's ex. You've given somebody's ex your debit card, so don't get on your high horse about exes. Yeah. Batch.

Well, it looks like next week it'll be real hilarious when she is going after megan again and she tells jimmy edmunds like speak to me in five years when you're divorced yeah look who's talking yeah speak to me in five years when you found some other loser to support she's not wrong no she's not but she's it's just like who are you you? Like, you're you're the worst. OK, you were married to some piece of crap who God only knows that relationship went down. And then now you're with some other piece of crap who's using you and all of your money. And then you're going to judge somebody else. And then on top of that, you're screaming at somebody that they're 30 or 30 years old as if that's such a criticism. Then why the fuck are you always trying to get their faces?

OK, Gretchen face. Okay, failed Gretchen face. I am going to give Vicky one thing, which is that it is probably massively insulting to hear people talk about how, like, your lover doesn't have the cancer that he's – that if you've gone to chemo with him and you've seen it, whatever. I mean we don't – we are not totally convinced ourselves, but I can understand why she would be mad for sure. I don't believe that for one damn second, just to be clear, that he has cancer. Not for one second. But I'm just saying I understand why she would be mad at people saying that. Well, she's going to be yelling at America then because I don't think anybody believes it.

I haven't read any accounts. He's drinking. He's drinking booze. Bullshit. I don't believe it. She's probably sitting at home staring at an american map going shut up that's like well you're gonna just yell at everybody she's probably just criticizing everybody's age and their marital status and their mother's status and i liked

megan's point of why is it okay for you to criticize how i'm raising my stepdaughter but it's not okay for me to ask if your boyfriend is getting the proper treatment yeah if you're going to be a nosy bitch other people are too vika get over it bitch i love slash hate these sort of arguments where i wind up taking both women's sides all at once and then hating both women all at once i'm like i don't know whose side i am on this they're both both being dumb and whatever. Well, the consistent thing about these shows is that 90% of these bitches are just awful. They're awful. And we get used to them because we start to like them as the years go on.

And we get used to them and start liking them no matter what because we're unconditional. I still love you, Vicky. I just think you're an asshole most of the time. Yeah. You know? All right. Well, let's move on to marriage medicine. But before we do that, you know, I have something to say, Ronnie.

Your time is precious. And you want to feed your mind with the best of what's out there, don't you, Ronnie? But who has the time to sit through all the nonsense on the internet? Oh, I didn't know what you were doing. I thought you were going to do a Fit is the New It thing. Because Jackie's like, Fit is the New It. Life is short, but it can be less short if you're it while you're fit. I'm Jackie, and this is my Jared cardboard cutout.

No, I am actually trying to read the ad that we are being paid to read. Ben, are you talking about next issue? Oh, yeah, you know. Don't you know? Ben, for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it, there's Next Issue. Yay! Next Issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. Yes, you can get all sorts of iconic magazines like people my personal favorite i love a train wreck and that is full of train wrecks okay uh-huh vogue

which the other one i think wants to be on like bella yeah there's also squire which i've never understood men in suits you can get that all on Next Issue. And Next Issue lets you dive deeper into the story with interactive content for a richer reading experience. That's right. It's like a Harry Potter magazine. The pictures move, y'all. Okay? Sign up for Next Issue right now. You'll get immediate access to all of the top magazines, including back issues and exclusive videos and photos.

So I have been playing with next issue and in fact you know what i saw i went on to men i think it was men's health maybe it's men's fitness i can't tell the difference but um one of those magazines cody from big brother 16 last year's big brother he's totally in a spread uh for um for something about fitness i was like like, hey, there's Cody. I was like, this next issue is worth it because I got to see bonus photos of Cody. Aw, Cody. I hope he let you win something just to be nice. I felt like a winner.

How to be someone who lets other people be a winner today in men's fitness health. I actually took a screen grab and put it on our Facebook page. I know, I've already made out with it. with it uh next issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com crappins that's uh nextissue.com crappins go there because you can try next issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com slash crappins we've been trying it for free and it's fantastic it's actually really good trying it for free, and it's fantastic. It's actually really good.

It really is good. It's so nice because I haven't, like the rest of the world, I've given up real magazines because they're like $6. So I go to the websites for them, and then there's ads popping up and videos, auto-playing, and all that. And you can download a magazine

on your phone beforehand and then go onto a plane and you can read the magazine offline. Yeah, y'all makes issues. So do it. And be sure to do slash crappins. That way we get credit for it. Otherwise, if you just sign up regularly, they'd be like, thanks for not sending us

people our way. We need to get that credit to be cool. Cool for the summer. All the cool kids are getting credit at Next Issue. And thank you, Next Issue, for being part of our show. Yay. All right, then.

Now we can talk about the next issue, which is marriage and medicine. Yes. There is an issue. There is an issue at work. And I'll tell you what the big issue is. The issue is that not everyone is qualified to work at the Lisa Nicole collection, okay? It's a big issue. Oh my God,

Lisa Nicole. That's right. I hired an entire new staff because I couldn't trust the other ones. Oh great, so hire a bunch of strangers. Listen,

if you can't trust the people you know, hire some strangers. They're more trustworthy. Come on, people. Really? No, she's so stupid. She had like one thing,

you know, how about this? Rather than fire your entire staff, how about you put a password on your computer? How about that? No kidding. I like that she's saying, I want a staff. This staff is going to be full of people who don't ride my coattails. Who rode your coattails besides your husband? Like, who is riding your coattails?

Yeah, and where are they riding them to? coattails besides your husband like who is riding your coattails yeah where are they running them to if you ever made a coattail sturdy enough to actually slide i would give you credit for that one but from the look of your collection doubtful shut up shut up with your coattail writing yeah exactly the lisa nicole collection and now being featured at the salvation army. And then we, of course, this is all during the useless opening montage thing. Yeah, it's like, getting to work, working for a living, making it happen. Fit is the new it. My only goal is for my clients to be as thin as my cardboard cutout. It's like, oh, no.

She has a cardboard cutout of herself. Oh, no. Come on, Jackie. Really? Yeah. So Jackie's cardboard cutout. And then Quad with her husband who just came in. Oh, look at you back from the gym when your Nike is just doing it, huh?

You just doing it like a Nike. Sometimes I try on Adidas and I say, who's doing it? Not these shoes. That's who. She's like, you are running like a stopwatch in the middle of a pig factory. She's so stupid. She's like, I'm glad he exercised. Nobody wants a chubby hubby.

Or do they? What does that even mean? Why are you being so mysterious as if you're talking about Darren fucking guys when that guy wasn't even chubby? Like, shut up. Get better comebacks. Oh, yeah. By the way, Quad, you know what you married? A chubby hubby.

Remember that? Have you ever looked at your hubby? He's chubby. He always has been chubby. At least you don't get a chubby looking at other people's hubby. Or does he? Chubby hubby. A chubby hubby is more useless

than a table in the middle of a windstorm. Quad is so dumb. I just love that the episode opened with how stupid she is. I loved it. I was like, this is going to be a quad episode. Yeah.

And I cannot wait for the rest of it. Well, so she, like, so once her chubby hubby, he's, like, making turkey burgers, and once he sits down, she starts talking about, um, you know, more of this, like,

scandal is Dr. Darren Gay, and she's like, I can't believe you can even eat with all that ham he's been swallowing. It's like, can you just get to your point, because I don't know what the fuck you're talking about and i've been with you for 10 years and she is so i mean she's so transparent she's like she's like well i i don't know if darren is gay or not i i don't know but you know there's so much going on around here people are talking smack and people are doing this

and and women are running around being a beard i'm like like, you are like, stop. Like, she's so sneaky. And even her husband was like, Quad, Quad, stop it. He's like, Quad, maybe just don't talk about it. She's like, oh, I talk about this. I don't talk about this. I talk about this as much as a phone talk to a squirrel. All I'm saying is that I'm not going to perpetuate

this dirty business. I'm not saying that Darren, I'm not saying that Darren is gay. But you know when the palm tree sways in the supermarket, you gotta wonder about the check it out. If that's an expired number on a milk, you're not going to drink it or are you going to have a piece of cake with it? Like what? If you see a barbell in a swimming pool makes you think about the power adapter doesn't it i'm not even thinking about around here but i am thinking about peanut butter if you know what i'm saying quad is horrible and when what did he say she said something about

i forget what the husband said that made her or not the husband but I forgot what he said to make her say this but she's like I'm not going to perpetuate this business but you know he's all about pipes and poles I was like what? He's all about pipes and holes and poles and poles

I was like what is quite as officially like she's completely speaking gibberish I don't even know what she's completely speaking gibberish. I don't even know what she's talking about anymore. I don't even know. She is. She's like pops, pops and poles and candy canes and a fortune cookie. You know what I'm saying?

Someone's blown a pinwheel. Someone's blown a pinwheel and I think the rotating cuff is not working. If that guy ever understood one fucking thing she was saying, he probably would have left years ago. But for now, he just doesn't know what she's saying. He just knows that the woman is fairly nice to him, has a lot of sex, and lets him eat turkey burgers whenever he wants. Otherwise, it's like, meanwhile, she's like Hitler, you know? Yeah. Oh.

He's like, whatever. Just don't talk about it. She's like, okay. Uh-huh. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. He's like, whatever. Just don't talk about it. She's like, okay. Uh-huh. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, exactly. She's like, I'll try my best not to talk about it. But I can't help it.

Ever since I got this gash on my cheek, I can't help saying things that come out of my mouth. Oh, you know who hates gash? Lisa Nicole's husband. You heard it here first, but not from me, because I don't want to gossip. Nicole's husband. You heard it here first, but not from me because I don't want to gossip. So then we go back over to Lisa Nicole, who's

been violated. So Lisa Nicole's getting a whole new staff. I need fresh people I can trust. And then like two seconds later, who walks in? Heavenly. Hey, Carly, I've had a luck. Leaving Empowerment. it's like whoa bitch she enters with a totally rude thing to say, you know? Yeah. And then she's like, okay, teach Delora things.

Bye now. Yeah. She's like, bye. I'm going to Carvel. Bye. Bye. That is the new been there, done that, girl. Okay, teach Delora some things.

Bye now. She basically sounds like a ham radio tuning into something. I have to expect, like, government secrets to come pouring out of her. The Ashley Madison client list starts pouring out of her throat. She's like, girl, I don't know. I don't even know what I'm trying to say, Jared. Jared did it. Jared did it, guys.

I ain't going to eat a sub no more. I'll tell you that much, girl. Joshua Tickman. Six installments. Joshua Tucker. Hello. joshua ducker so anyway so alora wants to uh alora's gonna design a dress for heavenly because heavenly is having yet another function oh she's having her app release party which is basically a party where she's releasing a lot of little hors d'oeuvres. And so Allura's going to design a dress.

And she's like, I want it to be leather on the bottom. And I want it to be striped on the top. And Lisa Nicole's like, all right. I guess this will be all Allura. I am not putting on the Lisa Nicole name on this one. I'm like, bitch, it would probably improve your collection. Yeah, really. Have something fresh in there.

It doesn't look like it's off the fucking floor of Ross. Allura is, first of all, she's speaking to Allura in the way that any smart child hates being spoken to. Allura is old enough to not be spoken to like this. Okay, Allura, you want to make dress? Because it's very difficult to be in fashion. Allura's like, bitch, here's what I want. Like, sketch it out and sew it and stop with this. Stop talking to me like that.

So rude. But then that is kind of how Lisa Nicole talks to everybody. Yeah. Quad, here's what I want to say. You had a lesbian relationship, okay? You're a bitch. Yeah. Yeah.

And then Toya, pretending she's typing, using one Lee press-on nail and a thumb. I'm like, bitch, who do you think you're fooling over there in front of that computer? Get off that Dell. You are just embarrassing technology in general. Just step away from the Dell. She's like, Eugene, this piano wasn't making any music. I've tried to stop my own massage business, but my quiet is just like leg down. This is called shih tzu.

I just poke you a lot until you feel bad, Eugene. So Toya and Eugene, their big issue is that he doesn't really want to work with her anymore. Or at all, ever. At all. And they started to

bicker because, let's see, wrote down toya and eugene fighting about her going back to work after having the kids oh i guess uh she's like she's like you didn't want me to you didn't want me to go back to work you want me to raise the kids and he's like toya i never said that i told you you should go back you did go back to work in fact she's oh i remember the cabo cantina Rosalina's in the square you said that. We was in Rosa Mexicana. I remember the conversation in Rosa Mexicana.

I was like at the ambulance I think I'm choking on a nacho. I'll never forget it because there was that guy at the table next to us ordering quibo and I was like who orders that with chips? What I should have did was order the guacamole. That's what I should have done.

She is so stupid. He brought that up because she was saying, I'm going to my job. And he's like, honey, you know, you really don't follow through, like, with your jobs and stuff. Like, your work ethic isn't very good. She's like, what? I was going to keep my job, Eugene. You're the one who told me to quit and he's like uh no i didn't you came home and you were like i'm done with this and i said okay baby

i support that decision she's like you remember him wrong look what is with women on these shows the doctor's wives specifically at least heather doesn't this, but on this one and then also, I'm paralyzed. When the women are married to a doctor, they think that they can be partners with their husband. Like, you know that they went to medical school and did a residency, right? You don't get to just marry somebody and then automatically become a doctor. It's not like a Hollywood marriage where you just, like, get to be, you know, someone on csi with a few lines a week okay you have to go to school yeah exactly they always want to get involved as like like some sort of like business partner some entrepreneurial aspect i'm like it's a doctor he doesn't need that you want

to be there to make sure your husband's not fucking anybody stop lying and if you want to work who's stopping you go get a damn job please yeah and why does he need why does eugene even need nomad md just be a doctor get a doctor paycheck it's fine i know why it's because toya is draining the bank accounts he needs supplementary income yeah because he's making like dr quinn medicine woman money and she's spending you know like fucking terry Dubrow money. Yeah. What I shouldn't do is not spend so much money. I won't need no matter what.

Oh, my God. Well, it is kind of fishy, though, because he was a doctor. He was a surgeon, right? Emergency room. He quit that to have like a delivery, a delivery service, a medical delivery service. Did he actually quit the ER job i don't know but he's doing this because she was saying the reason she wanted to start with the business is because it's not bringing in any money they're broke right so she's better get back into that er yeah just drop it this is not doing you any good you've gained 100 pounds you look miserable go back to work like

if you want to start a business maybe start something that's not delivering weird health care because that's just weird no one wants their doctor i don't want my doctor in my house like yeah if you're gonna put your finger up my butt let's do that in your office okay i don't need that here i don't mind i wouldn't mind a house call i like that rather than having to go to like kaisa permanente and sit there amongst people hacking up you know their lungs all day. But I just have to say, if you want to get your job off the ground, don't take business advice from Toya.

Yeah. Toya, no. Toya, no. I don't even know what to say, except, you know, Eugene, if you're confused, rewind the scene and watch Toya pretend to type. That's all you need to know and i like

that he knows he's like look babe i just don't want to work with you whoa gene because i married you for your i married you because you're like five steps above me looks wise not because you're five steps above me brain wise okay i married you because you're a hot piece of ass and you were out of my league not because you i think you're going to be a good surgeon shut the fuck up trophy and sit there with your mouth shut toy yeah yeah go make another sausage scarecrow i would have married an intelligent person if i wanted to go into medical business with them and i didn't all right just move on darling darling oh man so then lisa nicole and alora and l and Lisa Nicole is like, well, this dress is for your mother. So should we maybe put some guards on it so that she can't splash the people when she's in the water? And Laura's like, no.

Okay, well, should we make it sexy? I'm not allowed to say that word. say that word like uh because i think you were just at a female empowerment seminar that your mom threw where she totally made uh mincemeat out of a woman whose husband cheated on her in public on purpose so i think you're allowed to say that word yeah yeah but when you're a kid actually i remember actually as a kid i went to i had this very distinct memory of playing scrabble with my mom and she wrote down the word sex. I was like, Mom, you can't say that. My mom's like, you're allowed to say the word sex.

I was like, really? She's like, yeah. Oh, my God. And you're like, I'm so saying that to my fantasy NASCAR friends. You're like, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. Calm down over there, darling. We're going to call a delivery doctor to drain your penis. I mean, quiet over there.

Tippaboy.com. Yes. So anyway, this dress thing was pretty cute with Allura, but she is like her mom. She's so rude. She is. She was a little bossy. But you know what, though? You know what I liked was that Heavenly came on and tried on the dress.

And you could see Laura was like, I don't like the color. I don't like this and that. But Heavenly was like, she was basically saying, we're going to take it. You know, like, she was like, I like the dress you made me, Mama. I like the dress you made me, Mama. I like the dress you made me, Mama. I actually like that Heavenly didn't get mad at Lisa Nicole and make it a whole thing. You didn't make the dress of my daughter, Walter. Yeah, because Allura was like, no, that's not what I designed.

Take it back. You've bored Nina. You've officially bored Nina, Lisa Nicole. Get out. No, so Heavenly, I thought thought was a good sport she just sort of like took it and thanked and thanked lisa nicole lisa nicole's like wow my first client in six months this new stuff really did work out it must be all this family time we're having yeah laura was like uh that's wrong that's incorrect gross and then heavenly the thing i was proud of heavenly not

going after lisa nicole too but um not proud of her that she didn't say you're really rude like i just brought you into some lady who made you a dress that you drew when you drive you're like five like you draw like a five-year-old she made you a dress and you're bitching about it that's fucking rude and she's well, she's just like me. I'm like, yeah, a rude heifer. That is not nice. Yeah, exactly. Little brat.

Brat. She's going to run an empire. She's going to have 30 businesses by the time she's my age that don't make any money, and I have to get permission from my husband to go out of the house to pursue. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Yeah, that was rude. That kid needed a slap in the face and she didn't get one.

And that's why she'll become heavenly. So wait, what happened? And I love watching her on TV as well. My nose is spotty. Next, they're talking about this Oh, I was about to start talking about Nike again. I was like, please don't, Quad. Please don't.

Okay, so Toya Lisping. She's go. I forgot to say this part. We already talked about it. She was talking about being part of the business with her husband. And she's like, don't say no yet, Eugene. Just pray on it i'm like really because you think jesus is gonna give you a ringing endorsement jesus wouldn't hire your ass and

he was like a fisherman okay jesus wouldn't hire your ass to hold a net shut up toya yeah toya i don't yeah i don't think you're gonna get that uh letter of recommendation from jesus and then what are you gonna do when you decide to quit that job you're gonna write g you're gonna be like sorry jesus bye and he's like you don't have any follow-through babe and she's like yes i do babe okay i won't do this but it was a fun idea it was fun while it lasted i was like way to show your follow-through and commitment toya she quit in two seconds yeah um anyway sorry about that uh he's like i'm gonna go I'm gonna go update my LinkedIn profile she types in l-i-n-c-o-l-n

dot com Lincoln Lincoln hey how do I sign up at Lincoln dot com hey I was gonna look for a job but then I found

all these new cars that Matthew McConaughey drives so babe could you buy me one babe come on babe what I should've did

was sign up at Monsters.com but Monsters is scary I have did was sign up at monsters.com but monsters are scary I don't want to sign up for Eugene I always tell the Q's that there's no monster under the bed I would be a hypocritical if I went on monsters.com and I took a hypocritical oath with Eugene so I can't do that

oh fucking Toria okay so next we get to the meat of the episode five hours later which was yeah which was the fit is the new it party and jackie's like listen i don't want to have just they think they're coming to exercise but one of the most important things about fit is the new it, is that it's about your mind. So we're going to have a hypnotherapist come in to recalibrate these women's minds so they understand that peace comes from within. I'm like, oh, Jackie. How about you get a diet beyond signing people up to my fitness pal, okay, and counting their calories?

Because that's all I've heard. Choose between a pizza and a carrot stick. You were wrong. Start at the beginning. Oh, Jackie. Good Lord, woman. So fit is the newest hypnotherapy. I can tell you as someone who's done it five times, nope.

Doesn't work. It didn't look like it was working. And by the way, I don't think a group hypnotherapy that's being recorded by Bravo is going to do so well. And I love that it was a quad cause I am not going to close my eyes because I don't know who's going to be throwing glasses at me. I need to see the glass

of water before it comes into my face. I am like a toucan at a disco in a club, okay? You know what I'm saying? All eyes are on the cake. I'm like a fence around a cage of bats. I want to see those best flaggers sitting hidden before I feel anything. I was surprised that Jill was able to close her eyes

because her eyes are always so open. What? I have to go to sleep now? You can still hear them. Even while she was crying like when you can see sleeping people dream she's like blink blink yeah she's like you don't even want to see my rim cycle what are you doing here on this lazy boy first thing in the morning. What are you doing? I'm so surprised. What's happening? They're like, hey, is Jill in one of those massage chairs?

Why is it vibrating so much? It's just her eyeballs going back and forth. What? Are you in my head? Oh, my God. Oh, God. I'm not going to throw glass at you. Don't worry.

Someone's just blaming, some stripper is just blaming her for someone else cheating. Blink, blink, what? I didn't do it. So, yeah, hypnotherapy. And then they bring in the older lady, Linda Davis. Is that her name? I love that actress. That little short lady who's always like the older lady with weird bangs in every movie.

Oh, you mean Linda Hunt, right? Linda Hunt. Linda Hunt. Linda Hunt, yeah. They bring her in and she's like, Close your eyes. Here's what you want. M&M's?

No. You want a glass of water. A nice tall... And then you want to wait. And give the water ten minutes to make you feel like you've just eaten a pizza. I'm like, bitch, does this ever work? Like, come on, you 100. Don't tell me that you really think this works.

You're too smart for this. Meanwhile, Quad is like on the edge of her seat. She's like, did somebody say glass of water? She's like looking around in all directions. Who is that? It's Nicole. I'm imagining a glass of water in my face. And it was awful.

Awful. My face is my money maker. That's how I make my face. You threw a glass at a bank wall, girl. A glass at a bank wall. The only thing thirsty in here is that pizza pie you left in the Toyota Camarie. You like the opposite of Anakis. Just don't do it again.

Don't do it again, Lisa Nicole. Don't do it again. You'll be like a running shoe walking up a hill, girl. Oh, quad lit. They go into this whole thing. Quads texting. Heavenly's drinking coffee simone sleeping simone and her husband are my favorite couple i think they're so cute the husband doesn't even pretend he just sits his ass down in the biggest most comfortable lazy boy and just laughs the

whole time yeah yeah so good and then toy is Tori is like, oh, we got to watch something, these chairs. You got any popcorn? Because in walks Lisa Nicole. And Darren in his mom jeans. Y'all know I'm not cheating with any men. Who's going to let me wear mom jeans? Come on now. That's all he had to say.

I mean, if you're going to stand up for yourself, no queen is going to let you walk around wearing mom jeans that are acid washed that's right so basically after the hypnotherapy is done and it's totally ineffective everyone's chit-chatting and lisa nicole is actually the one who starts at this time because she goes and she sits with toya in one of the giant chairs and she's like like you'll never guess what i heard quad's been telling people that darren's gay or something along those lines right yeah and tori's reaction she's like wait a second so he cheat on you then he cheat again then he cheat with a man too i mean girl that's it that's a girl who can take a punch right there. She said something like that, like, damn, Lisa Nicole, she can take it.

And so then Quad tries. Quad's like, uh, uh. I mean, Toya's like, hey, Quad, Quad, what did you say? Is this down gay? And Toya's like, I'm sorry, Toya, I cannot talk to you. I cannot talk to you. There is a waterfall in the cafeteria right now, and I cannot talk. Quad's like, I only see water right now.

All I can think about is drinking water. I'm like, no, stop pretending that worked. And then Quad's like, no, I would never. It is over. Lisa Nicole, don't talk to me. It is over. Done. Dead.

Begotten. Finished. Finitano. And fast forward until it restarts itself. Be kind, rewind, Lisa Nicole. I'm like, uh, how are you? You have reached level eight of Super Mario Brothers, and now we are going on to level one in the beginning of world two.

Uh, you aren't going to world two until you save that princess. Don't be pretending that you saved that princess, girl. Lisa Nicole, the princess is in the world, too, until you save that princess. Don't be pretending that you saved that princess, girl. Lisa Nicole, the princess is in another castle, and you best get going to find her. And it's a man. And your husband fucking him. That's all I'm saying. It's like, oh, quad. Your husband is taking it from Bowser, Lisa Nicole.

Bowser. I've learned his tricks. I watch how many times he jump up and down before I run under him, and that's all I'm saying, girl. Girl, you can throw as many fireballs as you want, but unless you got that hammer to close that bridge up, girl, he is going to be pounding your husband. There's a reason that Bowser's full of balls, girl.

Girl, you better duck, because there are some flames flying right over your head. Ah! Bowser's coming for Darren. There's some flames under your head. Bowser's coming for Darren. There's some flames under your head and your husband's the only person smart enough to get under Bowser's ass. Girl, you better chase after your husband, but remember, you gotta go up and then down

and then the middle and then up and again and then you get to Bowser, okay, girl? Oh, good. Quad is ridiculous. She's like, just let it in, Lisa Nicole. It's over. What is over, Quad? You're on TV actively calling her husband a homosexual right now, like literally right now.

Yeah, because then Darren gets up. He's like, listen, ladies, all I want to say is that I have never cheated on Lisa Nicole with a man, not even the sexiest of men, with a chiseled body like a Greek god. You just want to lick chocolate sauce off of his nipples. Never done that ever before in my life. But I'm cool with it. I mean, I'm not a homophobe or anything. Like, I'm totally cool with gay people. It's just not my lifestyle.

Like, it's not something I pursue, you know, because I'm straight. And when I cheat on my wife with ass sex, it's with women, not men, because i'm straight and when i cheat on my wife with ass sex it's with women not men because i'm not gay not that there's anything wrong with that it's like why is this argument why is this your defense that it's not a guy just say look you're talking shit please stop well you don't have the right i'm not a man getting into a woman's business. Actually, bitch, it's a woman getting into a man's business. I don't like this rule. She's like, stay out of it. Stay out of it.

They're like, well, it's about him. You're basically smearing his name. You're basically ruining his reputation and his practice and his family. Not just because he's gay. Obviously, I'm not going to say that's ruining anything. But if he's a closet case and cheating on his wife like you dumb ass mind your own business and leave it between two women no sorry that doesn't work i'm sick of the women on this show going after the men and being like the man has an opinion like okay heavenly you can call you can sit here and call

women whores and this and that all day but then once a man tries to stick up for a woman, you have a problem with the man being mean to women. Like, do you hear yourselves? Come on, people. Yeah, and I also really don't like Quad pretending like, I am going to stay out of it. You know, I just don't know. I don't know. She says it's none of her business. She tries to be high-minded when she sneaks in comments about like lisa nicole's a beard and then at this part of the episode quad is saying like you know martin

luther king had an i have a dream speech well darren has the i am a queen speech which first of all made no sense i don't know how why would you tie it into i have a dream but i actually thought that was an offensive moment of course it was like because it was first of all it was totally um i don't know you know she you can't spend the whole episode saying you don't know and you're staying out of it and then you actually now you've actually called him a queen and put a little crown on your head but it's also like by the way it's like offensive it's just i don't know the entire thing i was like you know what you are actually a hateful nasty woman right now and i've always liked a vile human being and fuck that girl i like when uh i like when darren was uh when darren had his moment i love that he's always sitting well i guess all the husbands are they sit

next to the wives and it's just so awkward because Darren's like, well, here's what I feel. My opinion is that Quad is a liar. And that's my opinion. My opinion is that Quad – really? It's your opinion? Did you suck a dick or not, dude? Like, how is it your opinion that Quad's a liar? No, it's not your opinion.

Quad's a fucking liar. And that's it. And then he's sitting next to lisa nicole who's like nodding up and down with her half-closed valium eyes and he's like here's one thing i know about my wife she's always got my back always i can fuck a waitress in a truck stop and i can still come home to lisa nicole it's like that is so sweet how it's all around like what the hell i mean i don't know if he's gay or not i don't know if this guy was telling the truth and there was an interview someone posted an interview with him um on our

on our facebook page and i started to read some of it and i was like you know i don't care but i do think it's i i think it's i don't think it's right of quad to uh to put this all on tv i do think that quad arranged for that guy to come to her totally. Totally. Oh my god. When Lisa Nicole whipped out her phone Oh yeah, we're not even talking about that. When quad's like, I don't know who this man is. And Lisa Nicole, this is of course the big moment, was that Lisa Nicole's like, well, then who's this? And then it's like

quad with him. And she's like, well, you know, there's so many people at these events, you know. Oh, I do events. All I do is events. I'm one giant event calendar. Sometimes I get time out magazine and i look through there just to see where i am in the events it's like oh my god shut up if you want to have a birthday party on facebook you have to go to their quad tab because i am all quad is so full of shit like she's at every event in town because she's a real celebrity get out of

here with your community theater ass lady okay and then she's talking about all these events and she just doesn't happen to remember that someone with kenya more contacts keeps coming up to her at like 20 events in a row bitch please okay please no one buys it i love that lisa no one buys it quad is such a fucking liar. She's a horrible human being, and I'm so glad she's going down. And now she thinks, oh, now they're going to just fire Lisa Nicole because I don't like her because they chose me over Mariah. No, bitch. Mariah's back next year, and your ass is gone.

No one's going to shoot with you. You're disgusting. And you're so obvious. Like, she's only doing this because of the gay thing that Lisa Nicole said, like you said last week. It's tit for tat. Yeah. It's just obvious. She's only doing this because uh of the gay thing that lisa nicole said like you said last week it's tit for tat yeah it's just obvious she's so transparent and she's she's so stupid that even her little digs don't make sense her i have a dream thing which is so offensive then she even has a prop for it and it still makes no sense it's like you went to the effort to get a prop from the party store and you still make no sense.

You're an idiot. Yeah. What an idiot. What an idiot. That's what the show should be called. What an idiot. What an idiot. It's all bar and dead.

Dale, you owe me an apology. I'm like, really? She owes you an apology for you telling everybody that her husband's gay? Are you fucking crazy? And then Lisa Nicole's like, well, I would like my phone back. And she's like, you gave it to me. She's like, well, but it wasn't for keepsies. It's not a gift bag. I need

my phone back. Really? Because at events, people give me things and I keep them. I keep them. That's why I still have Darren's butt boy. I met him in an event and I put him in my trunk and he's still in there right now. You want to talk to him right now? It's like, oh, God. God.

You're making the entire world cringe. Just stop. I know. Well, we have now devoted many hours to discussing this stuff. So I think we've reached the end. We have. It's over.

I just want to say, Ben, my friend, Ben. Yes. And also audience, but mostly Ben, I love being ragey on this show and speaking my mind. Today has been extra, I know. And thank you. I feel so good. I hope the first 12 hours of your fifth decade on Earth have been wonderful. Fourth.

No, you're in your fifth now. Oh, it's because I'm fifth. Yeah, that's why. That's why you should celebrate starting at 41 because things don't really count until the one is added. Otherwise, it's just a zero. And what fun is that? Right, guys? Well, Ronnie, if you decide, if you change your mind and want to go out tonight or do something, even something small, you just let me know.

Okay, thank you. Well, for sure we'll do something like next week. I'll actually like plan something for real. We'll go do something fun. But seriously, I know that this was more ragey than usual. And thank you for that. Oh, I love that. And thank you, Ben, for always accepting me for whoever I am, you know, no matter if it's happy or sad or angry or whatever.

Ronnie, you're so sweet to think that, but I rarely accept you for anything you are. Well, then thank you for being a really good faker, because really, that's all I require. That's more like it. That's all I need, Ben. That's more like it. Everybody, thank you. Love y'all. As usual, you can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens

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and giving us magazines to read in bed that don't have pop-up ads like some of these awful websites. I'm not talking to you, Us Magazine. Yes. And that's it. Next week, I will be... Naked. Hopefully recovered.

Yeah, okay. That too. Naked. I could be naked right now. Nobody would know the difference. No one would know. You would, though. You would feel my shame from there.

You'd feel my shame through the speakers. Love you, everybody. Thanks would feel my shame from there. You'd feel my shame through the speakers. Love you, everybody. Thanks, everyone. Bye. Next Issue is the mobile app that lets you tap directly into the world's most popular magazines anytime, anywhere, using your phone or tablet. The best part, Next Issue is offering a free trial right now when you go to nextissue.com forward slash crappins. Again, you can try Next Issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com forward slash crappins. Again, you can try Next Issue for free right now when you go to nextissue.com slash crappins. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet.

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