Watch What Crappens - #217: Ring Around the Dinner Theater

Episode Date: September 3, 2015

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog, Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) have some fun times with Below Deck and My Drab 40th and had extra time to talk crap about the Other One, the new cast member on RHOBH, Kim Richards? latest mishap, Danielle Staub?s marriage to a SEAL, and a special appearance by Shannon Beador starring in Speed. Subscribe at www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: @watch-what-crappens On iTunes: itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch?id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Today's episode of Watch What Crappens was brought to you by premium subscribers Claudia Catalina and Christy Doherty. We love you girls. Now on to the show. Hello, welcome to Watch What Crap Is, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the broads. Hello, I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and I'm here with the lovely, talented, free drink gold star, Starbucks earning F.U. Tiago saying Ben Mandelger of the B-Side blog. That is right.

And I'm not going to say F.U. to Tiago because you know what? I went to Tiago this morning and I was being a Hollywood person with my laptop out. And I had a full Tiago coffee and then walked from Tiago to Starbucks to cash in on my Starbucks reward and then walked here. So I really did it all this morning. Oh, wow, Ben. Yeah, it's actually sad. And you did that on the street of Guitar Center and Sam Ash and all those rock star handprints on the ground.

You got your drugs from one place to the next. Exactly. And in the middle of it all, I received a text from Casper Mattresses saying that my mattress is arriving today. I thought I still had three more weeks. Ben. Could you imagine if it arrives during the podcast?

Oh, my God. You're going to be so excited you'll need a nap on your new Casper mattress, Ben. Well, then I have to figure out what to do with my old mattress. Uh-oh. Someone's going to have a mattress on the street. I know. I don't like when people do that, though. Maybe I'll put a thing up on Craigslist, but who's going to want to take my mattress even for free?

It's like 14 years old. Yeah, it's like begging for bed bugs when you go on Craigslist for free mattresses. You're like, please, infect my entire family with bed bugs. Yeah, I guess I'll just put it out on the street and call bulk pickup. Yeah, there you go. That's the Watch What Crappens solution. You can find more of our solutions on the Watch What Crappens Facebook page,

which is facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens. We're on Twitter at whatcrappens. Come to watchwhatcrappens.com for all our personal social media links. And to subscribe to the podcast, go to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. That's P A T R E O N patrion.com slash watch what crap ends. You can get bonus episodes and ringtones and hangouts and a bunch of fun extra

stuff. Yeah, you should. It's great. Yeah, it is. And thank you for everybody who goes there because those bonus episodes are so much fun. It's basically this, talking about coffee addiction.

And mattresses and stuff. We actually had a really super fun episode on Tuesday that we did about VMAs and all sorts of other stuff. Various Bravo Gossip items. But it was so fun. I had so much fun doing the bonus episode this week. items but it was so fun i had so much fun doing this episode this week and when you posted that picture of um miley cyrus giving the double uh flip the birds after the story because i didn't watch a vma so i just got it from your description and then seeing that visual along with it you described it perfectly thank you thank you i tried my best it was seared into my brain i don't know

how i could not describe it perfectly like a was seared into my brain. I don't know how I could not describe it perfectly. Like a stained glass in my brain window. Don't crack it, Ben. Don't ever crack it. Dude, I won't. I won't. Here in Los Angeles, it's getting a little chilly this morning. It was chilly. Ben, did you feel it? Oh my god, it was like 74 degrees out. It was so cold. Yeah, people were in their parkas. Yeah, they were.

It was like Petaflor's hallway for her party, for her winter party. I'm freaking out about this cold winter weather. This weather looks like yellow. Winter is not yellow! I grew up poor and still winter was white. I'm freaking out. I actually like a cold September morning because my bedroom faces east, which means that the light comes pouring in. And I don't mind light. But what I do mind is sunshine.

Sunshine heating up my bedroom and so i was very happy to have an overcast chilly 73 degree morning yeah well it went from like crazy summer buy a new fan to cold everyone's in the literally like we bought a new fan for watch what happens we're like we need more fans on this page so we're just gonna buy some it's summertime let's just buy fans let's just buy them out make them listen to podcasts let's buy that jill zarin brand of uh fans on facebook yeah exactly by the way i do have to say our facebook page is starting to approach 5 000 likes which is crazy because i used to always joke like we're almost to 10 000 but we actually are almost halfway to 10 000 if we get 10 000 likes on facebook we will be the toast of all the pr girls

we'll be getting so many is that we'll be getting a lot because like on twitter i always feel like people have millions and millions of or like at least hundreds of thousands you know i'm well if we have meaning it but well no i think that if if we have like 10 000 facebook likes i think that um people might like companies might send us free stuff that's all oh why did you say that ben i would have been more very very self-interested oh my god if i knew that i would have been doing a facebook drive this whole time ben well because we're always doing drives for something another so i was like you know i mean i don't want to drive our listeners crazy Like oh by the way could you guys

Like us on Facebook oh could you support us on Patreon Could you this could you it's like that needy friend Who doesn't like do anything for you in return Except no provide podcasts Or like PBS They're like if you subscribe At the $500 level We'll send you these coasters with

John Wayne's picture on them. John Wayne once sang around a campfire. Shut up, PBS. Get your hands off my wallet, PBS. That being said, if you would like to be a premium supporter of Watcher Crafts, you'll be able to go to patreon.com and be like our two sugar mamas. I think they need a friend, guys, right? The sugar mama boat.

Yeah, thank you, you everybody in all seriousness so speaking of our facebook page and our social media the best reason to go there is because of you guys you post the best links and listeners like you again pbs yeah miss cindy c at uh love andy c on, of course, posted this amazing moment that Kelly Bensimon or Bensimon, I don't know, depending on who you are. What she did on Twitter. Did you see it, Ben? She had a moment.

I saw that she had a moment and I was going to go back and read it and I forgot to. Well, luckily for you, Cindy C's on the case, Ben. The C stands for case. Cindy on the case. I'm casecase at Andy C on Twitter.

Cindy C on the case reporting now for Watch What Crappens Action News. This is Case Case with Cindy C. Case Case. We're on the case so much that we say the case twice. She's on the case, next to the case, and around the case.

The case of why there are two cases by Cece on Case Case. Cindy sees what you're doing, and she's on the case case. So she posted this. So good right kelly k ben simone for all uh for all of the real housewives of new york fans at bethany and i filmed a few scenes she attacked me for no reason our lives do not cross at all we wish her wellness we the royal we and wellness um we wish her fish oil pills like who says that yeah we wish her wellness and she spelled bethany wrong she spelled it b-e-t-h-a-n-n-y oh god she double spelled it wrong because truth truthfully bethany spells her own name incorrectly and uh i think the proper bethany spelling is the b-e-t-h-a-n-y but don't quote me on that people

you know what we'll ask cindy c she's on the she's on the spelling case guys two wrongs don't make a bethany people boy um good good to see kelly calorin ben simone is still um oh there's thoughts on things oh sorry there's 50 more this just goes on this is a big screenshot okay at bethany uh with a capital b now but still spelled wrong owes my family i'm sorry i'm sorry she's so basically all her tweets are going to the wrong person like someone some random person is getting a huge amount of notifications from a random supermodel. Okay.

She's like, my name is already spelled wrong and now I'm being online bullied by somebody I don't even know. I'm being online bullied by red squiggly lines. It's like, I can't write anything without someone putting a red squiggly line under the word. Like, that's so rude.

I'll shut up then. All right. So Bethany, now capitalized, but's so rude. I'll shut up then. All right. So Bethany, now capitalized but still spelled wrong, owes my family and the Real Housewives of New York fans a huge apology. I hope what she did to me never happens to her daughter. What? What did she do to you? She told you to go to sleep.

No one tell anyone to go to sleep. Go to sleep! That's what she yelled at her on scary island she doesn't put periods after any of these by the way as if to say like i'm still going at all times just her her her senses run on just like her jogging in the streets of manhattan traffic the next one is i can i can't fight the fans of real housewives of new york i know the facts i filmed and had to endure the aftermath i do not support uh i do not support bullying period big period with a period at the end double period cc uh watch a 100th episode my family deserves an apology from bethany and out spelled right.

And now she's adding Andy and Bravo TV. All I can say is tune in 917 for at Bravo TV episode. You may be shocked by the truth. And I talk about everything at Andy. My girls endured so much after Bethany went on her smear campaign for the last five years. Girl, your lipstick went on a smear campaign. Shut up. She owes them an apology.

Yeah, she owes her kids an apology for taking her crazy ass onto TV in the first place and exposing them. If you don't want your kids to be embarrassed, don't get all high on whatever you were on and then speak gibberish on TV. Okay? And then if you do, maybe stop it afterwards because you're so crazy. Stop it afterwards. Well, Real Housewives of New York are so vicious. Enjoy the 100th episode at Bravo TV at Bethany. Was irresponsible with navigating a TV show.

Time for me to let me ooh. But I think she meant go. Oh, does it say go? Maybe it says go. I like that she is both outraged at all these things that happen on the show and is simultaneously promoting the show. Yeah, she's like, tune in to see how Bethany owes me an apology. She's like, be sure to watch while Bethany apologizes and watch the commercials because that makes it more important. Tune in to watch Bethany say awful things that will traumatize my daughter some more.

Tune in to watch Bethany say awful things That will traumatize my daughter some more Please If you at my daughter spell their names wrong And have some respect Stupid Kelly I like that Bethany was navigating a show She's like what turn right I said at this point

I was like Kelly what are you doing Why don't you turn right Who the hell doesn't turn right when someone tells them? Okay. Make you turn. Oh, I mean, I mean, do you want to take, do you want to take a highway? Do you want to take no highways? I mean, I don't know.

You tell me. I mean, I honestly just like kill me right now. There's so many ways you can go. You can go left. You can go right. You can go straight. You can make a straight. You can go straight.

Then make a left. Then make a right. Or you can go left, then right. And then straight. And then right. And then you're going on a circle. I mean, you're going in circles right now. Like, oh my God, you got to turn though though you're about to hit a wall it's my

wall oh my god i'm gonna cry pull over under the shoulders so i can take a nap oh god do you want to pee let's turn over come on pull over we're gonna pee everyone pee in a bucket all right get back in the car all right make a right all right and 500 feet make a left make a left you missed your left okay you know i'm sorry i can't do anything but you know just honestly kill me now just stab me in the face you just keep on missing your left turns she'll make whatever car miss the rest stop every single time just so she can pee like somewhere in public. It's like a fetish. It's like, ah, rest stop. Ah, we just passed it.

Pull over to the shoulder. I'll pee there. I'll just pee on the shoulder. Don't throw me a birthday party. Yeah. Seriously? Seriously? Hazard reported ahead.

Okay? Hazard reported ahead. You know what? There's a hazard. Oh, you know what? There's a hazard right there. You're just driving right into the hazard. Okay?

I can't stop you right now. It's like, just shut up. Shut up what There's a hazard Oh you know what There's a hazard right there You're just driving right into the hazard Okay I can't stop you right now It's like Just shut up Shut up It's a hazard Reported ahead Bethany navigation would just be Ding

I don't know you Ding I don't know you Who are you Ding It'd be like Ding So what's going on here

You make a left You can make a left Okay make a right Left Okay fine Don't make a left You know what Don't make a left

Make a right See what I care I don't care Look at me I'm squatting on the floor Look it's a vagina I don't know I don't know Where left. You know what? Don't make a left. Make a right. See what I care. I don't care. Look at me. I'm squatting on the floor. Look, it's a vagina. I don't know. I don't know.

Where'd it come from? I don't know. Vagina. On the floor. Glitter pants. Maybe I am a know-it-all. Okay? Because maybe I know it all.

All right? Let's make a left. Well, the point of all of this is that Kelly deserves an apology, and so do her children. And I hope none of this happens to your daughters. I think we all deserve an apology. You know what? Maybe there should be a law that everyone just apologizes to everyone every day so people would just stop carrying resentment because everyone seems to want an apology these days. You know what?

They just get an automatic apology and they can move forward. Yeah. I think Ramona's had the right idea the whole time. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's all anybody wants. You know?

Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. You're right. Okay. You said in a horrible tone, like, at least you're getting the words you need, you know? Yeah. I'm sorry.

It's okay. Okay, Kelly. Shh. You have to calm down, okay? I'm sorry. You're acting up, okay? Sorry. We're You have to calm down, okay? I'm sorry. You're acting up, okay? Sorry. We're concentrating on the wrong things, okay?

Sonya's an alcoholic and Bethany told everybody. So, okay. Let's put her to bed, okay? Okay. Kelly, you're a beautiful girl, okay? You remind me of my own daughter, Avery, okay? But you gotta calm down, okay? I'm sorry it's day class A.

I'm sorry. You know what? I'm sorry. I owe you class A. I'm sorry. You know what? I'm sorry. I owe you an apology. I love it. So let me look because I wrote down some other Bravo stuff.

What do you have to say? While you look, I have to say that Heather Wienz, Wienz, Wienz, I don't know. Heather Wienz Stewart,

Wienz Stewart, Heather Stewart wrote on our Facebook page. Heather had an observation just about today in general uh because today is kiana reeves's birthday and she wrote kiana reeves and shannon bedore are both 51 which is kind of funny it's kind of funny that they are in the same age they are the same age because i don't associate them together well they both used to be like crazy rockers she looked like she

could have been in Bill and Ted's in those pictures that they show of her when she was like an 80s rocker. She's like, David, David, why aren't you coming back in time with me, David? David, if I could go back in time, I would visit the moment that you met your mistress, David. David, excellent. Bogus.

David, David, are we in the Matrix? David, oh my god, David, why are you looking at that six? David, David, excellent. Bogus. David, David, are we in the Matrix? David, oh my god, David, why are you looking at that six? David, David, I want a list of all the sixes that you've looked at inside that Matrix, David, because I will never use the number six again, okay, David? David, I know Kung Fu. David, whoa. David, David. David, are you?

After you've done things wrong that are sexual, please don't wear a black trench coat while you're walking on the beach. Okay? David? David? Get out of the Matrix, David. David? Why won't you let me fly?

I'm in the Matrix. Why won't you let me fly? David? David? David, are you an agent? Are you an agent? David? Stop speaking that way.

David? David? And they've both matured. Yeah, they've both matured into much different people than their young party selves. It is kind of... Jarting all over the place, seeing everything at one time, both hungry and angry. I would love actually to see

David and Shannon act out speed, where Shannon's Sandra Bullock and David is Keanu Reeves. Dear, if you don't mind, please don't drive below 55 miles per hour, otherwise we'll all explode. Well, David, it's not his fault that there's a bomb in this bus, David.

Was it your mistress who put the bomb in the bus? David. David. This is Carmen, David. Now we're in this bus and we can't slow it down. I'm driving really fast and I'm having negative thoughts, David. You know, I don't like driving fast, David. It reminds me of you.

Always fast on the wheel, David. Loose, David. That's what they call you. Oh, gosh, I got to slow down. Dear, don't slow down. We'll all die. Oh, great, David. Great. Now we're all going to die. Great. David, that's just another

negative thought that I have to have, David. Here lies Shannon Bedore, killed by David's emotional bus bomb. My hungry eyes are acting up, David. We're gonna have to get me something. How are we gonna go through a drive-thru if we can't go below 50 miles an hour, David? David? David, we have to stop the bus and get out for counseling,

David. David. David, I just went pee. Dear, I think the terrorist is on the phone, and he wants to speak to you about your driving, okay? Don't slow down the bus below 55. Who's this? Megan? Megan? Did you put a bomb on this bus, Megan? Megan? Who's this? Actually, I'm not on that bus. I'm on another bus. And it was a totally different bus holding a totally different school of

charity kids. So, you've got the wrong number. Who's this? How dare you? I start buses. I don't stop buses. I start them. Oh, Lord. You know it's a slow day on Bravo. Oh, we love you, Lord. You know it's a slow day on Bravo. Oh, we love you, Shannon. Yeah, if we're doing some Shannon Bedore speed fan fiction, you know, there's not a lot to talk about.

I'm like, are there any other movies you want to put Shannon Bedore into? Any other Keanu Reeves movies? I think, you know, you got to save some, Ben. You got to save some for the next time. I'm like, I don't know what else there is. I mean, I didn't see John Wick. I'm sorry. Ben, don't shoot your w some, Ben. You got to save some for the next time. I'm like, I don't know what else there is. I mean, I didn't see John Wick. I'm sorry. Ben, don't shoot your wad, Ben.

You promised me not to shoot your wad right after you were intimate with me, Ben. On my birthday, Ben. I found out that on my birthday, David took me on a bus and then afterwards took someone else on a bus. David. David. Both times they went really fast and you couldn't slow them down. Not only did he cheat on me, he never learned his lesson. David.

David. You promised, David, it would be different this time. David, there's a chandelier in the street. David. You can't stop the bus. I'm going to have to hit it, dear. Dear. I'm sorry.

I ruined the chandelier. I've ruined the bus. I've ruined everything, dear. I've been doing a lot to hit it, dear. Dear. I'm sorry. I ruined the chandelier. I've ruined the bus. I've ruined everything, dear. I've been doing a lot of things wrong, dear. I apologize, dear. Darren. Darren. Okay.

So what else do we have here? Kim. Kim Zolciak is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, that is. That's hard. You're yeah. Yeah. She'll be like, Tango, what? That's hard. You're cute.

Look at your butt. Let me touch it. That is how she met Kroy. That is how she met Kroy in a fake Dancing with the Stars. And I'm sure she'll mention it many times. I didn't even think about that. Yeah.

And she actually said she, well, that's how she knows Kroy because of his butt. Yeah, that's right. That's the first thing I think she said to him. She was like, look at that butt. Wow, that's amazing. Let me touch it.

Let me poke it. Y'all, doesn't he have a nice butt? So it's going to be Kim and Paula Deen. So really two of the brightest stars To come out of Georgia I hope they give Paula Deen A black partner Please

I don't think they actually have any black dancers On Dancing with the Stars which is hilarious too Well if ever there was a reason to get one Besides you know Equality and all that Or you know fair representation It's Paula Deen On that Dancing with the Stars Yeah equality and all that or you know fair representation uh it's polity yeah on that dancing with the stars yeah yeah i can't wait to see kim wobbling around with a glass of

chardonnay in one hand with like mark ballas or whatever stupid kim zolciak stupid stupid we actually already talked about this but Cynthia kicked Porsche in the stomach so yay I just had to bring that up again Kim oh wait oh no never mind I got excited because Tracy Spicy from Austin Texas

or the Hinterlands she posted something saying that she doesn't but we you know i mean our impressions have never come on there our impressions have never been striving for accuracy okay that's true why should real people be yeah so tracy swicey she's like hey y'all i'm from austin anyway now i just made her australian um you're like chef on Below Deck. It's like a different accent every time you speak. I know.

But you're well-boisterized, so it's okay. She posted something about the other one, a.k.a. Bella Hadid, being in Victoria's Secret. But, you know, who cares? It's just the other one. Bella. Oh, it's so nice that Gigi got to do that naked shoot with Justin Bieber. You know, the other one is in her bra someplace. You know, that's good.

She's showing her stomach, you know. I didn't let her eat more than one Omnidita. So, you know, it worked out for both of them. You can't make a fabulous car out of different materials, you know. Oh, God. Oh, Yolanda. Yolanda. New Real Housewife hates Kyle.

That'll be fun because she has history with Faye Resnick. Oh, well, who doesn't really? I mean, she's morally corrupt. Let's not forget. And Kim Richards and Kim Richards news. Since I know everybody's wondering, Target is safe. But Kim missed her hearing about the Beverly Hills incident because she hurt her foot. My foot hurt.

I hurt it. I caught it in the door of a car that is passing when I was hopping over the freeway. Who does that? Get out of the road. Trying to get home. I was on a bus that couldn't go less than 55 miles an hour and I hurt my foot jumping off. Sorry. Speed references for every single part

of the podcast. That's going to be the challenge because we don't, because we have Below Deck and MyFab40th this week. Well, Below Deck was good, but MyFab40th sucked. So I'm going to somehow bring speed into every single thing that we can do.

We got to slow down, David. David, slow down. No, stop. Stop. Just stop, everybody. Just stop. I don't feel good. I'm going to take a walk.

Anybody want to take a walk? Let's hop over that thing over there. She's like, when is this plane going to take off? We've been taxiing forever. Stop. Lisa Rinna just texted me that she's going to take off? We've been taxiing forever. Stop! Lisa Rinna just texted me that she's going to kill me. Lisa Rinna's going to kill me! Lisa Rinna's going to blow up this bus!

Lisa, stop it! And her husband's gay. All right, so... You want to talk about the show? Oh, no, no. One more thing, actually. Oh, no, no. One more thing, actually. Oh, well, okay. They offered her.

Oh, well, they offered Kim a plea deal that included 36 months of probation, 30 days of community labor, and 52 Alcoholics Anonymous classes. She did not accept the plea because they wanted community service instead of community labor really bitch on the freeway picking up trash they're not gonna let me just hop over the median whenever i want to don't mess with texas what the hell oh god another thing yeah it's it's stupid but uh megan murphy uh posted on our timeline Oh, God. What was the other thing? Yeah, it's stupid. But Megan Murphy posted on our timeline that a Navy SEAL is going to marry former Real Housewife of New Jersey, Danielle Staub.

A former Navy SEAL. It's probably an actual SEAL. Well, I mean, that's like Navy Blue. It's like, oh, oh, oh. She opened her legs. I found a man. And he's like Navy blue. It's like, oh, oh, oh. She opened her legs. I found a man. And he's like, oh, oh, I smell fish. Oh, oh, oh.

They were right. You let gay marriage happen. And now, look, I'm married to a seal. It's a slippery slope. His name is Andre. Slippery slope. His name is Andre. He's actually classier than every male on Real Housewives of New Jersey. Actually, he burps less than Joe.

Both of them. I heard Joe's just trying to nail it. He's like, Joe's like, look at that faggot seal. You know, it's, you know, she's a beard. That shit is good. You know, that seal is also more articulate than anyone on that show. Now, that would be a classy fucking your husband in the vineyard scene while everybody's having lunch. Yeah.

Except, you know, she would, you know, Danielle would be all annoying about she put on her song. What was that song? It's like touching you or whatever. Oh, my God. I can't decide if that was the most awkward watch what happens thing or the Simon one I don't know what wins but they're both burned into my brain pay attention please

oh okay we're already getting crazy what was the name of the book Please! The seal's like, Oh, okay. We're already getting crazy. What was the name of the book? What was the name of the book that Danielle Staub was written up in? It was like... I think it's just a crime when any housewife and a book is put in the same sentence

or the same bookstore or on a shelf. It was the book that outed her as a former stripper. A cop without a badge. That outed her as a former stripper cop without a badge they counted her as a former stripper i love it that that's like such huge news when you're over 40 but now everybody's just like blowing people on the internet and then um like kylie oh wait i'm transitioning from kim kardashian blowing people on the internet which is not fair because i'm about to talk about kylie jenner uh-huh um who's not giving blowjobs so that was a terrible uh subject but she was getting everybody to get those blowjob lips right with the vacuum cleaner and i'm already delirious anyway this girl is starting an anti-bullying and self-acceptance thing um with the hashtag

wait what is it i'm worth it anyway it's something like i'm okay i'm worth it something like that and um it's self-acceptance but she's changed her face like 20 times already and she's 21 yeah they're talking about kylie right yeah who did i say i get confused no i think you said kylie i got distracted because my friend get confused with i got okay i'm so i got totally clear i got distracted because my friend. How would you get confused with any of that? It was totally clear. I got distracted because my friend just texted me to say that Jermaine Dupri almost ran her over with a hoverboard. What?

Wow, you can't beat reality. It was a loose seal. You can't beat reality. It was a loose seal. You can't beat reality, Bean. This is what Los Angeles is like, by the way. We're here sitting here making seal noises for our... This is what we make a living off of, making seal noises while his friend is getting run over by Jermaine Dupri on a hoverboard. This is what happens in Los Angeles. This is why the city is so weird, because all of this is normal.

And while you were talking about Kylie Jenner, I should add. Yeah, no kidding. And also being a total asshole, because as I scroll down the rest of that article, it's actually for such a good cause. It's for a girl with a bone disease or something. So it's actually a really good cause. And I'm like like fuck that kid has self-acceptance with a plastic surgery and a blow jobs meanwhile it's like she's

doing a good thing for the world so i guess uh i'm you know i'm sorry because that was awful always read the entire article you'll look like a dumbass no no one reads the whole article also also it's Kylie Jenner. I mean, that's just what you get for being Kylie Jenner, isn't it? Yeah. I agree. Punishment for being gorgeous and young and rich. Alright, Kylie Jenner! You will pay for that!

Let's talk about the shows. Yeah, let's get to the show. So, all my notes for Below Deck got erased. being for they went overboard standing on top of the boat because it fries your brain i've learned the radar fried my below deck notes um well it's okay because i've got 37 pages of them all right well don't don't you worry because i have uh some notes on my fab 40th so don't you worry, because I have some notes on my Fab 40th. So don't you worry. I'm sure everyone is excited for that.

All right, let's get into it. Below deck previously, Kate hated the 90s. The chef moisturized and tried to be a contestant on Chop. Yeah, his terrible fake drama is very Chopped. Are you talking about the chef? Yeah, the chef. I don't like him i think if he was on chopped he'd be like i've got two daughters and they need me i need to win

chopped because i got two daughters don't you dare don't you dare give him don't you dare give him male gina voice don't you dare you're giving him male gina i think if we're gonna really honor him and his true character he has to have a different accent every time he talks because that guy can't decide where he's from okay um so anyway uh rocky was crazy rocky is rocky is so annoying yeah she's by the way she's trying so hard to be crazy but for every moment that rocky is crazy for every instance that she's crazy is an instance where kate is magnificent kate is so funny on the show when she was um when when i don't remember what part of the show it was when the chef was like so do you like me and she? And she's like, it's too soon to tell.

And then she goes, in the interview, she goes, it's too soon to tell you that I think you're super annoying. I mean, that was like some of the most amazing shade we've ever seen on Bravo. She's so good. Well, it opens with her.

I've never seen anything like this in yachting ever. That's how stupid it is and then alex p keaton over there now listen mallory it's gonna fry your brain that radar could fry your brain you know you could be up there it's like a microwave you don't you don't open a microwave door when there's a hot pocket in there okay it'll fry your brain mallory little does he realize that her brain's already been fried by many radars in her there okay it'll fry your brain mallory she's like i'm working we're just taking pictures little does he realize that her brain's already been fried by many radars in her life

why do you think she acts the way she does kate's like you know i'm really not surprised at rocky because she needs the attention but emile is really hot and he doesn't need to be doing that. Yeah. His sperm needs to get out of his penis. So if he went sterile, it would be a real shame. Those genes need to be spread. Radar, doing Rocky a favor. Radar, doing Emile a disservice. So Rocky comes down. They get them off the roof. to service. So Rocky comes down. They get them off the roof.

The captain's like, I don't know if you heard my speech last week, but it was about where the fire exits were and how not to be on the roof of the boat. Okay? You're all going to get fired, guys. You're going to get a plane ticket. And Rocky's like, if they could see me now.

She's like, maybe far away. Or maybe real nearby. Like, get off the mast, Rocky. She just answers everything in show tunes. Maybe this time I'll get up by the radar. Maybe this time I'll fall into the water. Better shine like the top of the Chrysler building!

So then Rocky goes inside and she's like, I'm dizzy because it's really hard for me to be inside doing stuff. I'm like, it's like, no, you're dizzy because you just were exposed to radiation. You've just fried your brain. Enjoy it. You've just fried your inner ear. Well, I love Kate though. I I mean Kate goes into insta bitch mode

For the rest of the episode with Rocky She's like okay you're going to be my new helper Alright you're going to do this And she just gives her all these meal chores And she's like okay I need you to clean out this closet But quickly please You know like Talking to a five year old

But you know like quickly You can do it quickly, right? Can't you? Okay, that's a good girl. Do it as quickly as you used to polish those forks in the dinner theater, okay? Musical theater waitress. Please, move. Okay, you know how people chew gum and then they get sick of the gum and they take it out of their mouths and put it under the table?

Please go around to each table. And when you're done, try and find the dried up buggers under the chairs okay okay hun you can do that can't you rocky's like this isn't what i'm here to do i'm here to be a chef i'm here to be a chef she's like listen i'm very dedicated to becoming a chef and when i want something, I get it. Like, you know how I just climbed on the mast? It's because I was going to be a professional diver. It's like, and you're not because you don't have any follow through.

Like, you're still talking. This girl makes me so crazy. Yeah. In a punch to TV kind of a way. And I hope she realizes that if she gets knocked into the ocean, just because she knows how to dive and land safely in the ocean, does not mean that she's going to be safe. I mean, one of the things is that when you fall overboard, people

don't know where you are. I guess more so at night, but... Yeah. Oh, Ben, stop fantasizing. I know. I know. Then Connie is on an awkward call with her brother and it's like brother i can't believe dad is dead yeah and then connie's like oh that sucks well call me if you need me let's have beer yeah her dad was gross and yeah yeah connie's like oh okay i was like oh

yeah it was like oh i i feel like we're supposed to feel sad by this but this is being handled in a very strange unemotional way yeah um that was sad okay so we're still uh with the same guest the drunk people who want yeah smith yeah yeah it's like, pee, pee, yeah. He basically was like Ashley's dad from Princess of Long Island. Yeah. Minus mustache. He's like, shake it. Shake it, baby. Shake it, yeah.

And everyone's like, and Amy's like, hi there, you need a little hair of the dog, buddy? You need a little hair of the dog? Kate's like, yes, yes rocky please swim to shore and get some hair off a dog okay that'd be great here's a ziplock cut to like rocky cleaning a toilet so good yeah yeah um and then what they go to a the beach for a party and the chef's like, paella on the beach. Yeah, he kept on calling it paella. I'm like, it's paella.

Yeah. Paella. And what was his problem too? He's like, well, I don't understand. They want to have a barbecue on the beach, but they also want paella. Like, paella normally is cooked on the spot. I'm like, well, then cook it at the beach, you motherfucker. He's like, a paella on the beach. That's like, well, then cook it at the beach, you motherfucker. He's like, a fire on the beach?

That's where my creativity came in, because they needed it cooked on the spot, so I made a fire on the beach. I put some charcoal on a barbecue, and I said, it's a new device, my art. Another inventive Bravo chef. Was this before or after the Guido guy was dancing behind Alex P. Keaton? I think this was before.

Okay. All right. I'll trust you. Yeah, because that was back on the boat. Oh, I've got 10 pages of notes. Don't you wait. I mean, don't you worry. You're about to hear about the seashells they all picked up on the beach.

By the way, if I were a yachtie, I think my least favorite thing would have to be, like, be bringing a barbecue set up or a party set up to a beach. Every time they have to do that, it just looks like the worst thing in the world. Yeah, and you get sand in your food. Like, you guys watch Top Chef, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We are on Bravo.

Have some respect. I know. I wonder if they have an inflatable slide. I feel like they don't. I feel like that. I feel like Steve would have requested the slide to come out. Because remember last year, that was a perpetual source of misery for the crew. They're like, oh, no, the slide.

Yeah, it's either the beach party or the slide. Yeah. And now foam parties. I hope that's repeated. Like, that sad phone party yeah it's like an ankle deep phone party um then we had some connie stuff that was really sad and she's like flirting with emile emile likes everybody so who knows but she's flirting with emile on the beach but then we got her dad's story about how he's drunk and stuff and it it was sad because

i mean obviously that's sad but it was also sad because last week it was so funny when she was saying, you know, my kind of guy is the kind of guy that pulls up and is like, you want a beer? Get in my truck. Yeah. What was she saying? Yeah, she said, you know, what I like is if you say,

get in my truck, want a beer? And then we go and like, fuck behind a dumpster. Yeah. And that's had a good Connie shirt off or whatever it was so funny and now it's like that's where she gets it from she basically loves she's like I hate my dad I'm like

girl you are so attracted to your dad well like daddy in the daddy issues right exactly yeah meaning that like you like I hope she realizes the exact sort of guy she's into is probably the guy that her dad was I mean her dad sounds like a lot yeah her dad's her dad's an ass and it actually sounds like she's uh a woman like a smart woman you know she has daddy issues it's like nice it actually strong woman on the bravs it sounds like she probably has actually already grieved the

death of her father many years ago if that makes sense like yeah you know sometimes when you see people like that it's like oh my dad died like whatever you're like oh this person is in a state of denial but it's like oh no he sounds like he was absolutely terrible like it's not like a bethany situation where you can see that bethany still has not handled her issues yeah you know yeah yeah she's like okay we're good okay we're good so you beat me you raped my mom okay great great it was good talking to you you know i'm just glad we got to talk on tv it's like oh my god yeah and this girl's more just like definitive um but anyway it's refreshing to see uh someone who's like dealing with her shit you know not just crazy yeah um amy we work really hard on this boat, but Steve's liver is working overtime. He is drinking, you guys. I mean, he's

crazy. He is one crazy man. I mean, no amount of offensive Mexican stereotype parties could satisfy this man. This man is crazy. You know what working on a yacht is like?

Like working in crazy tan. That's what it's a yacht is like? Like working in Crazy Town. That's what it's like. It's like a tan on the water. It's crazy. I wish everyone were my friend in Crazy Town. Why aren't more people my friend in Crazy Town? I got new hair. Come on, where are you guys going?

You guys, I put on a Mexican mustachio. Why can't we be friends now now i'm one of y'all um i was what is this they're oh they cut back to the beat wait are we past the beach i don't even know anymore kate didn't do the case like i don't do these parties yeah she's like well i'm gonna go and we go in and she's like yeah and she's like, yeah. And Rocky's like, so, Connie, so you're, like, friends with her? Are you real friends with her? Connie's like, yeah, like, we go have drinks together. We're from the same part of town.

She's like, really? So you're, like, friends with a bitch? What's that like? Ah, she's gross. I hate her. Well, yeah, Rocky's like, my relationship with her is just purely platonic. I'm like, yeah, no shit. You guys aren't fucking.

Of course it's platonic. You stupid idiot. You used platonic wrong. Gotcha, Rocky. Stupid. Yeah, but that is pretty stupid. Yeah, but it was. And then I think that Steve tried to kiss Rocky at that point.

And she's like, your girlfriend's right there. Oh, yeah. Steve was like, yeah, come on. Yeah, I wanted to kiss you last night. Come on, remember? I was trying to kiss you. Yeah. She's like, you're crazy.

It's great. I'm not going to kiss you. Come on. And he's like, come on, Anna. Why are you trying to kiss me? Hey, y'all. Why are you trying to kiss me? Hi, y'all. I got two big cheeks right here, y'all. Hey, y'all. I got two big cheeks

right here, y'all. Anyone? Anyone? How about you, Emil? You like to flirt with people? He's like, sorry. I've already flirted with Con. I like flirting with Joey Buttafuoco. I like also how Rocky's like, Kate thinks she's punishing me by putting me here on the island.

But little does she realize, I love being outdoors. I was like, come on. It's like any time she feels like a breeze on her face, she's like, oh, it's the outdoors. That director thought he was punishing me when he put me in the chorus. But I love a group scene. I love a group scene. Didn't get me, director. Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful morning.

Oh, what a beautiful day. Oklahoma, anyone? I got a beautiful feeling. Everything's going my way. Please get off the ship. Please get off the roof. I've told you. I've told you

already. Please get off the roof. Thank you. There is a cab already. Please get off the roof. Thank you. There is a cabaret singer up by the radar. There is a terrible ensemble person who's escaped from the old dinner theater on the roof of the boat. Please get her down. So, yeah, I want to kiss. want to kiss um his girlfriend was his girlfriend which one was his girlfriend because there was the one that was trying to sleep with alec p keaton later that was the girlfriend that's her right she's like oh why are you saying you want to kiss her

in front of me or kiss him kiss him why are you. Why are you not kissing him? Oh, make kissy with him. Would you like a kiss? I would like to make an order of a kiss from my husband. I was like, oh my God, back down, lady. He's like, I want to see her pee, honey. Yeah. Yeah, honey. Yeah, yeah.

I had to stop over at Billionaire's Island. I know a lot of billionaires. And we can pee there. Yes, pee, babe. Pee, babe. Pee, babe. Let's invite Aerosmith on this. Yeah, we can all pee together. The chef's like, sorry, gotta go plan dinner.

I'm gonna cut things into really magical shapes, because that's what chefs do. Gonna make some Mexican angel pasta. Angel hair. It did look delicious. By the way, I think this guy's food looks amazing. He's annoying, but his food looks great. So does his skin and his eyebrows.

I don't think his skin looks great, to be honest. Really? I will not give him that. He's so well moisturized and exfoliated, Ben. Oh, I haven't noticed that. I feel like Emil looks like he's got soft, buttery skin.

Emil's 20. You can't give someone the prize for better skin when they're 20, Ben. I won the prize for better skin. Yeah, you have to do it by age. I have an award. Amy's like, are y'all done? Are y'all done on the beach?

cause I'll send a tender I mean whenever I'm on there no one responds to me but you know hopefully they'll come cause of you guys cause you're a billionaire and all poor Amy can't even get a regular tender to work Rocky loves being outside

blah blah blah Captain in a sombrero wow Don air oh so this is where Don was air humping Alec is it Alex P Keaton or Alec from Wondery this is

Black History For Real I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join

Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus Bean? Bean? Yes? Bean, what happened? I'm here. I'm here. I'm sorry.

I fell. I momentarily fell overboard. The radar pushed me into the ocean. Yeah, no kidding. What the hell happened to you, Bean? I was, uh, I just, I don't know. I think I must have had some, my connection was fried by the radar. So is it Alec P. Keaton or Alex P. Keaton?

It's Alec, right? I think it's Alex P. Keaton. Alex? Alex P. Keaton or Alex P. Keaton? It's Alec, right? I think it's Alex P. Keaton. Alex? Alex P. Keaton? Yeah, so this is when he's like, Yeah, Sal, all I want is for everybody to follow the rules. So let's just follow the rules, right guys? And Don was behind him like, yeah, yeah. Like air humping him and stuff. Yeah, and by the way, it was a little sexy, I thought.

Because he could really he can he can move his booty he can you love that like that trainer that trainer look yeah he looks whenever i see someone who looks like an obvious trainer and they work that hard and it looks like they should wear a 24-hour fitness shirt like a trainer trainer i don't like that because i don't like when people are trying to sell me stuff and i hate that they're always like hey brah hey hey brah how you doing today well they should never they should never open their mouths yeah they can't open their mouths no yeah but other than that those bodies are machines ben didn't you watch last week he's a machine yeah uh so anyway he was humping him, and Emil's like,

you shouldn't do that to the boss. It's disrespectful. That's what I love, because Emil, because he got into trouble, he kind of, he decided to channel his embarrassment into, like, going after Don. And he's like, people don't do that on yachts. People don't do that on high-end yachts. I would never do that.

It's unacceptable. We're not working on a pickup truck. truck we're working on a yacht man yeah he's like we're not on a dump truck this isn't a dump truck okay if it were a dump truck if this were a dump truck would there be a radar that you could climb up to no there's a yacht and if this were a dump truck yours would stink the most because you just drank six eggs for breakfast. Oh, God. Who does that? No, seriously, who does that?

That's gross. It's working too hard, all right? If you're drinking six eggs for breakfast, it's too hard. You have some kind of insecurity. Yeah, exactly. And he's like, he looks all pained while he does that. Don't look pained. You got a chef on board. let him cook those for you it takes honestly you can cook them up in two minutes

yeah but who wants to like eat that many eggs every i don't know i have three to four eggs yeah but when you're that big you know you know like me being you gotta just keep that protein coming it's like all the, eggs, eggs, eggs what do you want for breakfast, eggs what do you want for lunch, eggs, snacks, eggs, snacks, eggs nil away for eggs, everything, eggs all the time Ben, that's my life you know what he needs, he needs Countess Luanne

on there to make him some eggs a la Francaise it would have changed everything for him she shows up with a plate I made you eggs, a la Francaise the chef would do that, he'd be like I stirred the eggs, I never stopped stirring them made you eggs. A la Francaise. The chef would do that. He'd be like, I stirred the eggs. I never stopped stirring them. Now look at them.

A la Francaise. He'd pronounce it wrong, though. He'd be like, a la Francaise. I like that he demands people to look at them. Look at them. Now look at them. Those stupid eggs. They sorted out all raw.

Now look. I never stopped stirring these eggs, and they're still in the shape of triangles. Chop that one. I put some spaghetti in there. Some egg spaghetti. Which, by the way, I've had, believe it or not. So they got in a weird fight about it. And Don's like, I'm an engineer, man.

You're out of line. I engineer things. Have you ever used a protractor, man? Do you even know what that is? Yeah. I know how to use a compass, both navigational and for geometry. Okay? I'm an engineer.

Do you ever use a calculator? He's like, don't call me out, man. We're going to be on this boat a long time. Sometimes we're just going to have to fuck each other's butt in the air, all right? We're going to have to air fuck each other, man. That's just how it's going to go. We're going to climb up to that radar together and just fuck ourselves. We'll just climb on, go around until it fries our nuts off.

If I did what I wanted to and actually boned him in the butt, you can't just go around doing that on a boat, man. We'll be full of maid babies before you know it. Be like a maid baby factory in here, man. Just air hump his ass, man. How about you and me, when we get to land, we find a dump truck and go just fuck our brains out in it.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying. David, this dump truck cannot go slower than 55 miles per hour. So he makes that Mexican spaghetti. I mean, weird. And everyone loved it. So anyway, let's get to the – because this is too much about this.

So they go to – I mean, I'm not even halfway through the notes. And by the way, I'd like to say I thoroughly enjoyed the episode. Yeah, I did too. If our lackadaisical recapping right now seems to indicate otherwise i was like cracking up the entire episode i loved it yeah it was a fun episode so let's just get to the juicy pots yeah so they're on the beach already so they get to go party and um the bad maid dresses all of them. Especially Rocky. She was wearing a lace, doily, tight dress with a not-matching flowery Mrs. Roper robe. Yeah.

And still got the most ass out of anybody else. Right. And she cock-blocked Connie, who was flirting with... Emile. That's right. And she came up. She's like, oh, well, you're obviously flirting. So I'm going to go for my back rub. Oh, God, that feels good.

I need a massage. Let's go massage each other naked in the house. Poor Connie's like, uh. Yeah. Also, Rocky was working her best to get into Alex Biketan's pants. She's like, oh, you have a girlfriend? Oh, my God. That's so funny.

Yeah. Rocky just needs uh attention basically like you don't always have to get it with a penis but hey she already tried dancing on the mast and look what that got her yeah yeah uh so she then kate kept torturing her which is really funny because rocky's like my mom the way i grew up my mom like she says aloha all the time. Yeah. And that means love. And I've never felt aloha from Kate.

It's like, shut up, Rocky. And then Emil ditches her and she's left alone in the hot tub. He never shows up to the hot tub. And she's like, aloha-sturbating, aloha-sturbating. Aloha, Rocky. Aloha, you. Aloha, you, Rocky. Aloha you. Aloha you Rocky. Aloha you.

How do I get you aloha? A little fall of rain. I think we're aloha now. By the way, I'm so glad that no one really important listens, because we've had a lot of licensing infractions this episode. I don't think you get a licensing infraction for singing a tune, do you, Ben? Like a line of a tune? Well, they may be like, please don't ruin our melodies the way you are. Stop sullying it with your attempts at singing.

Who is ever going to convict you when they hear I think I'm Aloha now? Nobody. There's no jury in the world. Anyone around? I used to love that song. Now, around this point, I think that Kate decided that she wanted to switch rooms, switch out of

she didn't want to be with what's-his-face, Leon anymore in the room. And I liked her reasoning. She goes, I may have a bitchy resting face, but he has, at least I don't have annoying resting personality. I love that moment. And she's so right. Yeah, that guy's terrible.

And then they show him like, hi, you know, we share a bathroom and that's great and everything, but would you mind squeegeeing it when you get out? Like, I'll leave a squeegee and then you can squeegee the shower. And she's like, no, no. I won't be squeegeeing the shower. She's like, I clean up everyone else's bathrooms.

I'm not going to clean mine. She's like, I clean up everyone else's bathrooms. I'm not going to clean mine. We also got a shot of a meal masturbating band. Did you get that? Oh, yes. When Rocky was trying to bone him, and she's like, what's me in the hot tub? And he's like, oh, I'm going to bed,

because I know they own a boat, whatever. And he went to bed. And then they show the blanket jerking. Oh, I didn't pick that up because that's right. Because they said he had not a flashback but they put a voiceover of someone saying,

Rocky's going to try to lead you down a bad path and when she does, you've got to think of a way to deal with it. Oh, I didn't realize he was jerking off instead. Oh, that's so bad. And then they show him jerking off but the music is like, you-do-do-do. You know, it's like the anchor's about to go down music. Yeah, they should have cut to the anchor just dropping, you know.

Aloha! That was funny when they showed the captain, though, because it was just a little circle with his ghost face in it. Yeah, exactly. He was dead, you know. He's like, Rocky's gonna try and lead you down a rocky path it's like him jerking off in the bed yeah it was definitely it was mustafa in the stars for sure rocky cradling herself like she's cold in the hot tub i'll be cold in a hot tub she puts the hoe in aloha tomorrow tomorrow a meal will join me tomorrow you're only i imagine that reza's fiance or they're married now

so Reza's husband Adam is probably so turned on this episode because there's nothing more tame gay than a jerking off under the blanket fetish it's probably like I'll bet that guy's not even wearing underwear under his underwear under that blanket tame gay

hashtag tame gay so she's gonna change rooms Oh Rocky had a breakdown She's like this is not what I meant to do Yeah she started crying Well the best was because Kate was really riding her Kate was like you should be thanking me right now I'm teaching you how to do things

You should be so honored for this opportunity to learn How to be a better Stu And Rocky said I just wish there was a checklist Where I could just say okay just do just do this, this, this. And she's like, well, that tells me you don't want to listen to people. I was like, ooh, Kate's got your number. You better be careful.

Kate is reading you. Because that's exactly what she's saying. She's like, I need a list of things to do so you can't just adding things to a list that's not even there. Yeah, Kate's like, this is how you do it. And Kate's like, no, you don't get a list, bitch. That's just what comes out of my mouth. That's the list. She's like, this is how you do it. And Kate's like, no, you don't get a list, bitch. That's just what comes out of my mouth.

That's the list. She's like, okay, here's the list. Okay, item one, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this. Item two, repeat. Item three, cry in a bathroom. And then clean up your tears afterwards. Item four, make fun of Amy. clean up your tears.

Item four, make fun of Amy. She's like, why won't anybody swap right, guys? Why? Meanwhile, we should say that Kate did wind up swapping rooms. Alex Biket moved in with Leon. And you know what? I think Kate had a point

because she did have to, like, the fact that she was not bunking with Leon. They were next to each other with their beds. And every time they cut to Leon in that room, he was always on his side looking up with his arm over his head. So his armpit, his armpit was always like out and exposed to the world. Yeah, he feels like that's his hot side, you know, like with his arm above his head. It's like, dude, it's your fucking armpit. I know that it makes your

skin like sag less around your underarms we get it but stop please stop the rest of us have to deal with that all night darling find a better best look what's your second best angle all right stick with that one darling seriously it's about leon well it looks like le, it looks like there's an issue with Leon next week, right? Who cares? But there's a penis pillow. Oh, yeah, that guy's back. Penis pillow guy's back for like the third time because he came back twice last season. She makes a nice big penis pillow for him again, which is really funny. And then hopefully Rocky will break down.

And then Don yells at the captain or something. And then Don jumps in the water. Jumps in the water. What a crazy man. Well, I mean, that is just crazy. You jump an awful boat to go swimming in the water. You're supposed to be working. Haven't you read the rules of yachting?

Captain's going to be like, come on, guys. Let's have a meeting about rules. Here's the rules, guys. Someone's gotta get a one-way ticket home. And Southwest isn't cheap. I don't want to do this. They've really gone to shit, that airline.

But here we go, guys. Rules. My Fab 40th. Ben, what do you think of my Fab 40th, Ben? Oh, my God. Okay, so? Oh, my God. Okay, so...

Oh, by the way, here's another text I just got from our friend Sylvia. She says, Apparently, Ron Jeremy lives in the condos next to my apartment building and likes to parade around on his deck naked. I learned this this morning. So, that's the news from Hollywood. And look how fitting it is with our show, Ben, because we were just talking about our best angles.

That's right. That's right. Jeremy's just showing his best side. It happens to be six feet tall and in the middle of him, Ben. Oh. So my Fab 40 last week, you know, I didn't think it was great last week, but it was funny. You know, there was this crazy party planner. These two women there was a Rachel Dratch. They were sort of neurotic. Everything went wrong. And there was a lot of stupid crying about things.

But it was entertaining enough. Serena was the crazy party planner. This week was awful. Ladies! Ladies! Ladies and gentlemen, train! By the way, can we talk about the lowering of standards like on below deck it was like where is

pining for Aerosmith between Aerosmith and train I mean what's next Evan and Jaren it's like fishing in a like quarry pond outside a Chinese restaurant like come on guys go to a better pond you're not even catching these fish that's what's so sad they're like we're gonna say your name on Bravo Kori pond outside a Chinese restaurant. Like, come on, guys. Go to a better pond. I know.

You're not even catching these fish. That's what's so sad. They're like, we're going to say your name on Bravo. And Aerosmith's like, yeah. You know, there's like a continental breakfast in the morning at the hotel. So we're just going to like go to bed a little early. Okay. Yeah.

Next week, it's going to be like, oh, my God, for my 40th. I just really want CC Penison to show up. Like, you know what? I'd really love some iced tea. I would love Club Nouveau. Does anyone know if Club Nouveau is doing anything right now? You know what songs really always got me? What is

love? Is Hathaway available? Can you come on the yacht? It would make my life if i could hear that live just like whoever i think that in general the standards lowered is like the theme of this show because we've already got my sweet 16 or had i don't even know if that's still on on mtv where it's these 16 year olds acting like little bitches and they're like dad i want you to spend a million dollars on my party and they're like yeah my life is gonna be amazing because i'm a princess and it could be like this awful

they're usually awful but like there's just this awful monster of a girl you know and she's like yeah i rule the world and then at 40 it's like oh you can't get trained but you got a weird opera singer okay it's like just the I gave up. Did you – is maybe Joan Osborne around? Oh, okay. I can't spend a million dollars. Okay. I'll spend like $50,000 then.

Yeah, it's going to be fine. Yeah, it's definitely a lowering. I mean, honestly, this episode began with this woman, Brandy, and she wants to have her birthday in Fontana. Okay, so that's already describing everything you need to know. She wanted to have her birthday at the racetrack that we saw Megan King Edmonds and all the women go to on Real Housewives of Orange County last week. So this episode, by the way, this episode of MyFab40 was dreadful. I can't even believe they had this as the second episode of the season.

It was so boring. There was no conflict. The entire arc of the episode was that this woman has been dating someone for six years and was hoping that he'd propose her. That's all. Nothing went wrong. The flowers were a little late

and nothing else went wrong. Yeah. So the episode began. It was like we were learning about this 40 she's a fitness model and she loves country and she's like karen waldrop is gonna perform at my at my birthday who the fuck is karen waldrop yeah is she a realtor i don't know i don't know she was she was cute and she was only three grand which yeah i mean like the entertainment at the last party was a lot more than that and it was just like weirdos with flashlight dances you know i mean karen walldrop costs less than a fog machine basically it's like we're gonna have a phone party for this episode but it's stuck on a boat somewhere so

yeah so then so then um so brandy has this best friend named i don't know what her name was but um she beth oh you're right bethany spelled correctly oh and so she's like oh here's the uh i made check out these invitations they're so. It's like this giant chunk of glass. It's like you're invited to Brandy's 40th birthday party. And it's not even like the gold cup. It's the plaque that you win for last place like my family got on the bowling league. It's like some awful embarrassing one that you get for like being the loser because it's the 40th. The 16-year-old would have had the gold cup.

Yeah, it looks just like a trophy except it's an invitation so who's gonna keep that like oh i'm gonna put this invitation on my on my mantle because it's a big it's just all gonna get thrown out it's a big no it's a waste yeah there's gonna be a lot of homeless guys trying to sell like plaques on the side of the street. So then I wrote, seven minutes in and nothing has happened on this show. And then Brandy's big thing is that she has a variation on the Kristen from Vanderpump Rules thing. Whereas Kristen goes, seriously? Seriously? Brandy, her whole thing is she goes, so seriously? Oh, yeah.

Look at the dresses. Seriously? She also does the blood, sweat, and heels thing where she goes, it's a big deal. My 40th birthday, it's a big deal. This is a big deal. I really wanted to be somewhere else in life. Part of being 40 is having a husband

and being a four being able to afford to raise your children i'm like why is it so please lady like why is it that you're 40 it's not even like i love him so much it's like i want him to take care of me and my children we have dated for six years i'm like come on lady that was like the meat of the episode is this lady waiting for this man to propose. It's never going to propose. Yeah, she was just like a sad figure. She's a fitness model that's aging out of her industry.

And she's like, you know, it's really hard to compete with the younger fitness models, you know, because I got kids and I have obligations. Like, and you're old. And that's okay. Like, it doesn't need to be that sad just because you don't have a man. Like, why can't it be? I'm so proud. I'm turning 40. I'm supporting my own children.

I don't need some man. I've got some hot piece of ass because I don't need some man. You know, instead, she's like, well, we started dating right when I was divorcing. We've been together six years. And, you know, I think it's time. I need a ring. And that's it. And, you know, what I want for my gift is a ring.

I want you to propose because it's time. And he's like, well, babe, I mean, I really don't know. I've been honest. She's like, no, we've never even talked about it. I'm sure. And after 20 minutes, it was still going on. I'm like, are we supposed to care? Are we supposed to care at all if she gets married?

Like, we just met this woman. She seems kind of sad. Do we, like, I have nothing invested in this i don't i don't care if she gets a ring or not in fact i hope she doesn't get a ring i hope she gets nothing but um sad watching her like literally beg for a ring and it wasn't like fun and it wasn't like entertaining it's just like oh here she is again and like every scene every scene came down to it when she went to get flowers uh to pick out flowers she starts crying she's like the last time i picked out flowers was like the first time i got married i'm like have you you've not you've not gone to a

flower shop in like 20 years is that what you're telling me i mean this is come on now but it wasn't even about the first minute she's like the last time was the first time and you know now i just want to get married again like will i ever be in a flower shop it's like shut up lady yeah seriously shut up just get your stupid marigold and get out of there she's like yeah looking on my friends like they have what they want they spend their money and they like you know do this and that and then of course they show the guy and he's a wealthy of course like this huge like tacky adobe mcmansion thing with like yeah an archway for a dump truck or whatever uh and of course he's got michael bay here like oh he's got my and he looks like he's taking fashion cues from michael bay i was actually kind of thinking

lorenzo lamas so it was fitting that he showed up yeah yeah it was i guess a low rent lorenzo lamas and i saw his reality show he actually is low rent so yeah it's like a double double low rent cc yeah yeah exactly um uh let's see so then we met some of brandy's friend including this uh her her asian friend tolan why she's asian doesn't matter i don't know why i said that but uh i just felt i felt like articulating, differentiating her from the other ones. And Tolan did the only thing that was interesting the entire episode,

which is that she spilled wine on Brandy. I was like, thank God. Someone's got to spill something on this girl. Get her to shut up for one second. She's like, oh my God, it's a sign. I've got wine on me. Does this mean I'm going to get a ring next? Does this mean I'm going to get a wine on my toast?

Is he going to wake me up with breakfast in bed that's toast wine wine toast it's so french i love how like the association doesn't even match up like oh my god he spilled on me that means tolan spilled on me that means i'm gonna get proposed to next right tolan's down on a knee wiping me off. That's total sign. He's going to spill out a proposal, right? He's going to stain me with his love. Is that what this means? Does this mean his love can be taken out with a little bit of soda water? Oh, God, I'm worried now.

I'm worried. Okay, wait. No, I actually lied. Now, something actually super cool and exciting happened on the episode next so this is great i mean i was like okay finally we have some real drama brandy then uh took her daughter uh to a place to uh to sew wait what they did yeah i was too i was probably adding something at that no No, I was being sarcastic. It wasn't exciting at all. Because the way I was watching this show from the middle on, I was like, Facebook.

Yeah, me too. I was like, wow, they sewed something? That's great. They went to basically a Color Me Mine for sewing. And Sabrina's like, today I'm taking my daughter to go sewing because I love my daughter. I'm like, really? This is like, they're just like nothing. There's nothing.

I wanted to take them to Build-A-Bear, but we don't have enough money unless this guy marries us. So I sure hope for my birthday I get a ring. I wanted to take her to this place so that way I could say so seriously even more. It's like great. so seriously even more nothing more exciting for primetime TV than watching a little girl sew something so they went to shop for the ring I think they were did they do the dresses first or the ring

does it matter? No I think I took the dresses scene as part of the scenes where she was just randomly crying i think i montaged that one no no no she was crying but you whatever you can talk about oh my god this dress reminds me of you know being 40 because if i was 40 i would be able to text my husband and say do you like this dress but i mean i just can't text a boyfriend that. Yeah. So anyway, so the ring. My boyfriend was like, you know what?

Oh, you know what? By the way, it was intercut. I think it was intercut, by the way, the dresses and the ring, because it was the ring slash car, right? Oh, God. Oh, well, then, yeah, yeah. It turned into, I don't know, what did they have a conversation where she's like, he said, what do you want for your birthday, babe? And she's like, a ring, marriage, commitment. You know, like, I want to know that I'm not going to die alone and that my kids are going to be able to go to college, maybe. And he's like, well...

He's like, well, today's your lucky day. Here's a DVD copy of The Ring. She's like, great. He's like, don't watch it or you'll die. Happy birthday, babe. She's like, I'm going to crawl out of your TV and demand that you marry me. When you watch The Ring, you get proposed to. Wouldn't you rather have a car, like a race car, because you're a race car driver?

She's like, no. Can I put a car on my finger? Is my car going to pay for my kids to go to school? No. All right. car on my finger is my car gonna pay for my kids to go to school no all right the only she's the only vehicle i want is a street car or a trolley because it goes ring ring that's that one i'm sorry everyone i said street car instead of trolley i just want an old-fashioned phone okay that's all i want i want rings all day long just give my number to every telemarketer in town, okay? I just want rings.

Rings, rings, rings. All birthday long. He's like, you know, I don't know that I'm really ready for marriage. And she's like, stop sending me mixed signals, okay? We've been together six years. You've known for six years. He's like, yeah, but I, like, said I don't ever want to do that again. She's like, whatever.

I mean, that was six years ago. Like, come on. Be honest with me. He's like, I don't want to marry you. She's like, whatever. I mean, that was six years ago. Like, come on, be honest with me. He's like, I don't want to marry you. She's like, get the flat iron out of your ass and marry me already. If you don't propose to me, I'm going to throw your flat iron over a cliff, and then you'll never have perfectly flat iron hair ever again. What, you're going to spend the entire rest of your life ironing your own hair?

Well, let's see how that works out for you when you start burning your wrinkly ass scalp like yeah good luck looking like stephen weber then it'll live forever on cable what was the guy who was on 30 something that's sort of what he looks like uh i think he looks like the guy from wings isn't that who you're talking or is yes but there was a guy but there's a guy who looked like Stephen Webber who was on 30-something. Stephen Webber's been on everything. He really has. I love Stephen Webber as Charles in Charge. What?

Because he's been on everything. Oh. Charles in Charge of my days. I'm like, give me a ring. Charles, I want a ring, Charles. Peter Horton is who I was thinking of. He actually looks like Peter Horton. Charles in charge is nice to my children without marrying me.

So anyway, so she's, meanwhile, Brandi is picking out dresses. And all she's doing is picking out dresses. And last week, during the dress scene, the scene was at least sort of funny about what looks good, what looks good or not good, and the party planner and this or that. Ladies! Ladies! Good news! Trains are a-chooching down the runway, girls!

I have great news. Donatella Versace is here herself to present dresses for you. Donatella, won't you come in? I'm so sorry, ladies. This is instead we have a homeless lady. Come on in, Jamila. Donatella had trouble at the curb. She couldn't make it, but we've got the next best thing,

a skateboarder who's mute. This is $2,500. Ka-ching! Fierce, ladies. Fierce. We have someone so insistent with Donatella, so instead we have Moot Skateboarder. Come on in. His name is Sky.

So anyway, so... It needs to be about that lady. It needs to be like a millionaire matchmaker but with that crazy lady exactly so again the thing is that since beth brandy's friend bethany was one putting together the party it wasn't interesting it wasn't there was nothing exciting like do you want to talk about anything okay are you sure you don't want to talk because i've got little um race car sugar cubes and people can drop them into their vodka and it'll taste like race cars okay oh how are your feelings about that do you want to talk about them i know that you're alone so if you want to talk

well what i what i loved is that so going back to this dress scene i'm here for you until i have to go back home to my husband yeah who i have so um. So I just love to have – I wrote down a note like, oh, God, this is so boring watching her picking out dresses. Let me guess. Is she going to talk about getting proposed to? And sure enough, that's what she started to do. She starts to cry. And then she's like, oh – she's like – what was I going to say? Brandi just starts bawling in the dressing room.

I'm like, this girl is just so pathetic. Yeah, she's like, I don't like this dress and it really doesn't fit me, but I don't want to just put it back on the rack because that's not what you do to people. You don't just try them on for a while and put them on the rack. I've had this dress on my naked body and I'm

going to commit to it and I'm going to take care of its children dresses because that's how it works. Children dresses. So finally it's time for the big party. Brandy gets into her dress, which I had to ask,

do you think she got her dress from the Sonia Morgan International Brand Collection? Because it looked very much like it was from that line. Was this shot in the future, like 12 years when that dress was actually made? Yeah. It was cut to order. Pickles is still in a basement with a glue gun, okay?

Don't rush it. Yeah. Don't rush computer number three, man. So then the party was coming together. All sorts of cool things were happening. For instance, DJ Timmy Liberis was there. So that's cool. Straight from Nocella.

Nocella. Straight from the back of a Cheerios box. It's Timmy Liberis. Fontana's hottest DJ, DJ Timmy Liberis is here. And then a race car passing by really slowly. You don't see them, David.

You don't see them. David. You don't see them. David? David, is there a bomb in that race car? David. David, I will not slow down. Who's this? Whose party is this? Oh, and we forgot to mention

that the other best friend has been talking to the boyfriend, and she's like, yeah, but what she really wants is a ring. Why don't you just get her the ring? Just get her the ring. That's really what she wants. He's like, yeah, I don't think so. I was thinking a car. She's like, a ring. Why don't you just get her the ring? Just get her the ring. That's really what she wants. He's like, yeah, I don't think so. I was thinking a car. She's like,

a car. Are you gonna ask her to marry you in the car? Because she really wants to be married. Like, she'd love a ring. Don't you understand? She is literally having her birthday party at a giant ring. Do you see the car driving around it? What more

do you need? If she could take this racetrack and put it around her finger, she would. That shit is golden. That was so funny. And that girl is lucky to have friends who were that good to her because that was a good friend. She's like, oh, Kate. Wow, that car is pretty. She sure would love that how about a ring so good yeah and and um you know how she also has good friends because they all drove out to fontana for her um and honestly what

i thought was funny was that the stadium i thought for sure it was like the party was going to be during race day but it was just, just at a big empty stadium. Yeah, they got in on a day off. Why didn't they have the party down like in the center field? Like that would have been super cool. I don't know, Ben. That's a lot of questions for this show, Ben. They were just like in a suite.

I think what this show is supposed to do is not leave you with questions ever. You're not supposed to ever walk away from this like i need to think about that a little more deeply so then anyway brandy has two very cute daughters and they are really cute and the daughter was like mom we made you this and they're like they gave their mom like this bedazzled piece a piece of cloth and she's like this is nice and you could just sort of imagine her being like I wonder if I could fashion this into a ring. Do you think this will fit around my finger? This cloth? No.

She's like I can't even believe they didn't take the twisty ties out of the garbage bucket to make me a ring. That's the least they could have done. They know that's all I want. I mean just all they need is a piece of tinfoil. That's all they really need. I need more creative children. Hopefully the new father of these children will insert some creativity into their bones so then uh over at the

racetrack as the party's coming together uh the flower the flower woman the florist is missing the florist thought she's supposed to be there on a monday and it was saturday and and bethany is freaking out lc is supposed to have the most depressing 40th birthday party ever she's probably like well it just seemed fitting that it was on a monday so i just assumed it was a luncheon on a monday in fontana at a race at an empty racetrack darn i was hoping for some runny eggs i'm gonna stop somewhere before I come over with the flowers alright I'm really hungry so so then Bethany starts to freak out she's like this is the worst thing that could happen on the day of the party there are no flowers actually worse bad this is almost as bad as if she didn't get

a ring terrible and in my mind I'm thinking you know that as the Bullets of Broadway when Diane reads the script after Cheech Marin not Cheech Marin but whatever his name is does the revisions and she goes finally drama I was like that's what was going through my brain

charmed charmed I'm sure char Charmed. I'm sure. Charmed. Charmed. Charmed. I'm sure. Charmed. And by the way, Cheech was, what's the name of the guy who played Cheech?

You know, that guy. Chaz Palminteri was Cheech. Oh, yeah. Chaz Palminteri. What happened to that guy? I know. And Diane Weiss played Helen Sinclair. Love it.

What am I? Just some vain old Broadway legend? Shh. Don't speak. Shh. Don't speak. Oh, this train is going so fast. She needs to be friends with this lady on this show this week.

Don't speak. Shh. Yeah. Don't speak. So anyway, after i was all excited that there was finally some drama happening it was like cut to commercial and we come back it's like oh good the flowers are here i was like oh yay they made it that was exciting well you know they made it further than this relationship is going to it's it's pretty plain that this

is going to be a crash and burn man man. A crash and burn, guys. This is probably one of the most conflict-free hours that Bravo has ever aired. It basically was like a woman decided to have a party. The party happened. And then it ended. They thought the flowers were not going to get there. But the flowers showed up. Well, we have to tell people the end.

No, I know. I'm just kidding. This is where I was going. When the flowers showed up, I was like, oh, we're not even going to get any drama about the flowers. It's like there's just no conflict. They're flowers made out of car parts, and they cost you $80 zillion. Literally, the vases were made of gears and rotors and engines and pistons, and it cost $30,000. That was $12,000. rotors and engines and pistons and it costs 30 000 that was 12 000 yeah when they showed the part

uh of the lady crying brandy crying and being like i just need someone to support my children basically and then they cut to this party is costing 70 000 i was like uh that's at least a year at some college right oh they're not going to college oh so they're not scaring me yeah their mom's into race car driving and fitness modeling and getting rings from michael bay so uh friends all had that look on their face like we drove a long time i hope you're getting a ring every time anything happened they're like oh my god it's a special drink i hope there's a ring in them it's like yeah i know they're all like so when the race starts like oh there is no race just a car driving around aimlessly it's just an existential metaphor for my life so that gather around we are going to play ring around the Rosie. It's going to be our first game of the night. It's like, what?

I brought my favorite telescope, so that way Jim could go out and look at Saturn and all its rings. Some people have asked for Ferraris. I asked for a Saturn. So let's drive me up to the entrance now, guys, so I can get my ring. We are going to be pulling the fire alarm every half an hour, so that way Jim can hear the bells ring.

The best place is to secure a commitment is where NASCAR drivers go. You know that's where people have to wear flame retardant suits because they're going up in flames, right? Bad, bad omen lady. bad omen lady yeah so finally the moment comes and he waits and lorenzo lamas oh i thought you meant oh yeah no no first what happens is lorenzo lamas walks in as we mentioned before he walks in and it was like that moment in serial mom when suzanne summers shows up in the courtroom and everyone's like oh suzanne summersers. It's like, Lorenzo Lamas, wow. And then it was like,

ladies and gentlemen, may we direct your attention to Karen Waldrop! And everyone's like, does she have a ring? Is she wearing a ring? She's singing a song about a ring. Is her hand shining? The ring doesn't mean a thing. Act like you're taking a picture with a flash so we can see if it shines.

Let's see. Let's see. Is there a ring there? Is there a ring? You look great on. You look great. God, she's so old. I hope she finds a husband soon.

It's going to end badly. I just sense it. Everybody just had this look of horror on their faces. I know. It was like lukewarm. And then the guy's like, I have a speech, a very big speech for everybody here. I want everybody to gather around for this speech. They're like, oh, my God, here it is.

Here it is. Here's the ring speech. And he's like, you know, Brandy has been asking me for a long time, like pestering me every day for one thing, and I got it for her. So let's all walk around the building to check it out. And everyone's like, oh my god, here it is.

It's gonna be a huge ring, a huge ring. It's like, it's a car, a race car. He's like, I would like to propose to you that you drive this car somewhere. Will you be my first passenger in this car? Will you be my first passenger in this rented car and take it around that ring?

Would you do that? Will you take this ringing endorsement of your driving abilities? I want you to be my Wi-Fi hotspot in the car. Do you have one of those car drives that goes in your laptop? hot spot in the car do you have one of those car drive that goes in your laptop it's time to go to city hall because we need to get our license for this car that you're gonna be driving we're gonna get a blood test so we know how to put some blood in you when you crash this new car we know how to put some blood in you when you crash this new car i want you know what i want you and me i want to get mary tyler moore's autograph do you know where she lives he's like by the way if you guys don't have nick at night uh i give that show my ringing

praise all right i would like to run my praise for mary tyler moore i would like to join you in holy matching turtlenecks can we do that? Please iron my hair for the rest of my life. Now here's where the story really got interesting for me as a viewer. First of all, that you could fit into that car. Yeah, and also that it was old. It's like an antique race car, perfect for your racing team. He's like, here's a car that cost way too much money instead of a ring that I refuse to buy you that you can't even use. Have fun with not driving this car.

What the hell is she going to do with that thing on a racing team? That thing's from like 1920. Yeah, I know. It's going to be like, it's only fitting that you drive an old car that will most likely break down in a race. Well, the best part, she gets in the car and she's like, okay, there's got to be a ring in here somewhere. So she's looking everywhere. She's like under the visor, in the keyhole, in the armrest, under the chair. There's not even a key ring.

He just gave her the one key. Yeah, he's like, I'm not even going to risk that. It's just the key. There's not even any old food where she could get some ringworm from. She's just nothing. She'll be like, does anybody have a penny so I could lift this part of the key ring and get it on? Does anybody have a penny? So she ended up leaving and going to sushi with her other friend, who I'm sure her original best friend probably didn't.

She's like, okay, I'll just clean everything up okay oh yeah you're right you're right it was a different friend uh and then she went with her other friend to sushi and here was the nice twist for me she left the guy she was like yeah you know what i need to get married he's obviously not going to marry me i'm leaving him that is so refreshing good for you i know i know i was very happy about that she's like i felt humiliated well yeah because you told everybody that all you wanted was a ring like she kind of set herself up but in the end she let her um self-respect win even though you know it took a while but still like give her credit where credit's due i'm telling myself that.

Yeah. And I also, I have to say, I was laughing that she didn't get the ring. I was like, ah. She just got embarrassed. You can't just force somebody to marry you because you need it. Like, that's just crazy. Marriage shouldn't be that. It's not a bit. I mean, it is, I guess, a business agreement in a lot of ways.

But I don't know. What the fuck do I know about marriage? I don't know. a business agreement in a lot of ways but i don't know if it's been six years i don't know if it's been six years and the uh and you want to get married and the other person still will not pop the question you got to leave that shit it's one thing if you're six years and neither of you want to get married that's fine but if one of you wants to get married and the other one still won't do it then guess what not gonna happen or it happen or it's going to go to a bad place. Especially if he's been saying for a long time that he doesn't want to. Because she was looking at it like, yeah, I've invested six years.

Yeah, but how many of those years did he say he doesn't want to get remarried? Or did he lead her on? I don't know. But it sounds like he told her before. So if he says that, don't try and talk him into it. Because then the first time he fucks up, he's's gonna be like, I told you I wasn't ready. You're gonna have to be like, yeah, that's right, that's true. Okay, I forgive you.

No, like, find, you know, find a real mate. You deserve that. That's the least you can give yourself at 40. And she did. So, you know, good ending for her. Good for you. It was a fab 40 for her. I mean, you know, in tradition, it ended in disappointment and sadness.

It's like, happy 40th birthday. Enjoy being a, enjoy Build-A-Bear. Well, at least she has nothing to fall back on. But at the end, you know, she's taking care of herself. And she started some fitness something or other Like some eat healthy, fit as the new, whatever I don't even remember At that point, I was just like, ah

It's like, are you wondering why this boring woman is on television? Well, she's got a diet shake So please be sure to not buy that next time you're in the store Next week, it's a bunch of, it's a gay guy who's having his 40th. But also next week, thankfully, we have Ladies of London that are back. I was going to say, that's the best part, was that preview. Did you see it? I had to watch it on demand, so I had to see the commercials.

When they were lip syncing to Fergie. Fergie, yes. In front of the bad green screen. Oh, I can't wait for that and none of them and none of them could do it none of them could do it the best was i i love the um alexander annabelle annabelle whatever she's just saying watermelon chicken pie watermelon chicken pie chickadee chicka pie watermelon chicken barb barb well what i also love is that poor annabelle i mean she is starting to look like a like an old lady but she's still styling herself like a young actually a very fashionable young woman but it's kind of funny

i just love that she sees herself as the most edgy and rock and roll when she is the most dowdy old lady of them all well also because we've seen her home interior you know that might be uh shading a little bit of this because that was like old lady couches and doilies and stuff. She was the most – but of all the women last year, she was the one who was beholden to the rules of British – acting proper in British society. She's like, I'm such a rock and roller. I'm such a rock and roller. I drink my tea when it's lukewarm. You know what would inspire us to party?

Manners. I would bring up manners and we would just go cray. There was no mirror table left with lines on it when we were done because we walked around with a nappy. Awesome. Rock and roll, bitch. I noticed that

Caroline did not participate in that promo. Caroline's like, sorry, but some of us have careers and standing in this community. Yeah. I shall be ordering things off Amazon for wealthy people. Thank you. Call me or don't. I don't care. You're a moron. I'm sorry, but I speak my mind. Oh, I'm excited. I don't care. You're a moron. I'm sorry, but I speak to my mind. Oh, I'm excited to do fish accents next week. But also, next week on my Fab 40th, I know we're like, this just sucks.

But it's not only a gay guy next week. It is a 40, obviously. Or 41 on this show. Who knows? He's like, I'm trying to get a gun. But his 40th birthday odd and he just came out of the closet and left his straight life behind and he's already so gay like he fell off the he fell out of the closet and onto like a drag queen truck i don't

know how that worked but all of his friends are like really gay like crazy gay and then he mixes them with the straight people and it looks amazing and one of the gay guys is like yeah this is a great party and of course this queen like he went from being a straight guy to getting it up the butt and everybody's like oh he's like oh yeah what about his friend frank is probably in the closet and everyone's like oh my god i cannot wait yeah we'll probably have to cover that episode at least because we earned it after this one we did we did it we did somehow we made it to the end of this podcast hell yes with not a lot of content david david did you still real fun day i mean it was still real fun david just mixing them all up together david david david david david

david david i want a list of all the insignificant arse hairs david i don't want to be plucking an ass hair that you've fucked, David. All right? List. David, I can't believe you were intimate with someone else after you were intimate with me on my birthday. Can't believe you took me to a sports bar afterwards a year later. David, five days after my birthday, you're trying to put sugar on me ass hairs, David. I mean, what the hell? David, there's so much sugar in your sauce. David, slap it on much sugar in your sauce. David's loved us everybody

in Melbourne. Oh. Love you guys. That was a fun one anyway, Ben. It was. Everybody, you're great. Continue just being wonderful. Alright? And I'll continue sitting

here at hashtag catchdisk. And Ben will continue his coffee addiction I can always tell when the podcast is about to end because that's when I suddenly have to go to the bathroom me too my leg is like pulsing but I don't want to get up so I'm trying to make it I'm swiveling in my chair all right p dancer okay everybody thanks so much We will talk to you next time. Bye. Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years. One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me,

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