Watch What Crappens - #2170 Southern Charm: Shepherd’s Pied

Episode Date: September 22, 2023

This week on Southern Charm (S09E02), we meet new cast members and learn that Austen and Taylor had a sleepover. Shep’s totally cool, man.  Totally cool...Watch this episode with Crapp...ens on Demand here:  http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:26 I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins, a podcast about all the crap on Bravo. We just love to talk about a Ben Mandelker joining me today. It's the one and only Hilaris and handsome. Mr. Ronnie Carram, hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi, how are you, Ben? Doing absolutely wonderfully. We're here today as Talk Southern Charms, the second episode of the season of the ninth season. Before we dive into that, come join us on Patreon.
Starting point is 00:00:47 You know, we love our Patreon moments. We do our video there. We call it Crappens on Demand. You can watch videos for all of our shows. Support at Crappens on Demand level. Patreon.com slash watch or crappens. We also do a weekly bonus. And this weekly bonus is very special,
Starting point is 00:01:02 because we have a special guest, Ms. Taylor Strecker of the Taylor Stryker show and Taste of Taylor. We love Taylor, so we spend a lot of time talking about summer house and the cast and what's going on and the band of our rules spin off. A lot of like Bravo, Gossiping and predictions and stuff like that. Really, really fun. So go check that out and then next week we've got Duel Hello on the feed, which is a one-drupal plus exclusive and the week after that, crappy hour is back that'll be on our
Starting point is 00:01:29 Instagram. So follow us on Instagram at what crap ends and at Ronnie Caram and at Ben Mandelker. So do all those things and your life will I think actually be complete. You may have thought you wanted other things in life but that's actually really all you need and then your life will be perfect. So go do that. Southern charm, Ronnie. Wow, so we saw some new faces on Southern charm tonight
Starting point is 00:01:52 or last night, like what'd you think? You know, I'm impressed that Southern charm decided to just go for it. Like let's just bring in half a new cast. And I mean, Taylor's been there and Olivia's been there But these are a second season that they stuck with even though they were kind of Pointless in their first season honestly like I don't even remember Taylor talking very much in her first season at all And Olivia was just annoying and fake like I didn't buy one thing from her
Starting point is 00:02:19 But the fact that they were like nope, that's just first season Let's give them another chance and see where this goes. And let's keep Leva, let's keep Vinita, even though she's just gonna be playing with her dog in her yard, like, let's give it a shot. And you know what? I think it worked. And they actually remembered that this show is about douche bags and they brought in some three,
Starting point is 00:02:38 they brought in like three new douche bags. I mean, so did it. Way to make an effort, show. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, I have to say, I agree. I mean, this show is always really good for, it has a rhythm. It has like a dou an effort show. Yeah, I have to say I agree. I mean this show is always really good for it. It has a rhythm. It has like a douchebag season and then we're like,
Starting point is 00:02:49 fuck these douchebags and then there's like a season that's all about the women and then you're like, yeah, we love the women because we fucking hate the douchebags and then you have a season where it's sort of like all kind of meh and then they reset and go back to the douchebags. So we're at the start of the douchebag cycle and I'm really into it. I think this is actually technically Taylor's third season,
Starting point is 00:03:08 but her first season was like super minor. I feel like Taylor and Olivia are like the Saturday night live, featured players who are now full of Ledgecast members. And so that's exciting for them. And we now have JT, which is a nice variation on JT of the past. And I got scared when I heard the name JD. Me too. I was like, you're gonna, I was like,
Starting point is 00:03:27 Bravo's uncancelled JD. That's what I was thinking. That's what I was thinking. I genuinely thought that too. Yeah. But it wasn't, Oh say, I say, I say. It was, it was this music guy.
Starting point is 00:03:39 It was this music guy. Who is a, wow. Did he step on his beard hair? He's like a guy playing an older guy? He's not older, but it looks like he's in a community theater and he was cast to play an old man. And so he's like putting on age makeup, like some eyeliner lines on his face
Starting point is 00:03:57 and then stippling on like some five o'clock shadow beard and weird, not when we showed up. That's about. When he showed up, I initially was like, oh, God, oh my God, I'm gonna hate this guy, but I actually found out really enjoying him. And I think the reason why is because I think like his short guy energy, his short king energy
Starting point is 00:04:19 was really much needed because we have these really tall assholes on the show. And you need someone who has a little bit of that Napoleon complex, who's just like he's shorter and he's gonna overcompensate by having kind of like a chippy chippy persona but like also an insecure persona. I really liked that in the mix of these guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Now the other guy, Olivia's love interest. I think it's fitting because it's Olivia and I think Olivia's really fake. Like Olivia was clearly just brought on to move to this show and date Austin, like be Austin's love interest and it's fake. I don't like when, I feel like when things read as fake they don't make for good TV
Starting point is 00:05:00 and I never bought any of that. And so it looks like she's doing that again with this new guy, this new guy. It's like, okay, I'll be on your show. Who should I date? And they're like, Olivia's free. And so they're just gonna date now for TV. So I feel like that's kind of a continuation of
Starting point is 00:05:16 something that I shouldn't be feeling. Now that said, even if they're faking it, I feel like their chemistry is at least more than a way to support her, right? I was about to say, I was like, but their chemistry was so much better. And this guy, I mean, he has a really douchey voice, the way he talks, but I already sense that he's like such a vast improvement over Austin. So even him, I was, I enjoyed his presence on the show.
Starting point is 00:05:38 And a gay. We got a gay. We got a gay. And it was not your standard Bravo gay, which is interesting. Now there's nothing wrong with that type of gay. Obviously we're all different crayons in a box, guys. Okay. But this guy is just not the normal Bravo type of gay
Starting point is 00:05:57 that we have. Bravo likes it extra gay. So if they're gonna let a gay person on the show, they're like, turn it up to 900 gay. Mm-hmm. But this gay was more like, he was like a bro, he was like an uniron shirt bro gay. He was sort of like, what's his face?
Starting point is 00:06:16 The character on happy endings. I'm blanking all of a sudden. But like, they get the gay, who's on happy endings, which is a great show. And I'm so like mortified, I can't remember the character's name. But yeah, I like seeing a different kind of gay. It was fun. Yeah, it was fun.
Starting point is 00:06:31 He's like a swampy gay, you know, just like the, the air is so thick over there and hot. He's just like a hot gay. He's just like, I'm really hot. This is all I can do today. It's a backwards baseball cap. Well, the old Eddie Bauer shirt. That's it. That's just like, I'm really hot. This is all I can do today. It's a backwards baseball cap. I'm with an old Eddie Bauer shirt. That's it. That's why you're getting no one else here as gay. Like, who's even going to judge me? There's no gaze to judge me here. So
Starting point is 00:06:54 yeah. He's like, he's like, listen, this is a gay who has been beaten down by even trying to co-mingle with the gaze of Southern hospitality. And he's like, TJ, between TJ and Mikkel, he's like, it's a lot. I'm just gonna be a rumpled gay. That's just why I am. I'm just rumped. Yeah, it's like, I don't have the energy
Starting point is 00:07:16 for that kind of gay, okay? So, anyway, end of the preamble, but seems promising. I mean, I really enjoyed it. So on with the show, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, and then all this exciting music, it's like there's Folly's girls going past with feathers
Starting point is 00:07:46 and then we go to Venita and her backyard going Charles. Charles was taking a shit right now. I was like wow really? To Venita's dog pooping. I know. I enjoy Venita. I like her as like a person. I feel like she has not quite popped the way I've been rooting for her to pop.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Charles is not helping. I think Charles may be one of our least charismatic dogs on Bravo. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I have to do this to you, Veneta, but your dog. It's time. It's time to take him off camera. It's not making me happy. Get rid of Charles, okay.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Drop Charles off. Have Duret come pick up Charles and take him for a ride, okay? Because this is enough. I've had enough. Also, editors, if you know that you have a cash member who has nothing going on, don't just fucking sit at their house all day. Like, Venita has showed you. They're like, Venita, just be yourself. It's like if I was on TV, I would be like, okay, I do nothing. Here's what I did. My dog's going poop. And that's all she has. Don't sit there all day waiting for her to do something. She's already proven to you over and over.
Starting point is 00:08:47 She's not doing it. Just film her when she's doing something. Don't fight with this. Don't open the episode, okay? So then we go to the... microwave, and oatmeal on it explodes. And look, here's my note, Olivia, microwave something like it's her first time. You can tell this girl does not know how to do anything by her fucking soft. No.
Starting point is 00:09:15 And then it explodes. This is the second week in a row that she's made a mess in the beginning of the show. Last week she's throwing poop into a local creek and now she's exploding oatmeal all over her microwave. And all the people's leaving comments going comments going Ronnie why are you being so mean to Olivia her dad told her to throw it over the creek Okay, well fuck that guy too. You think that makes it better It's a whole family of people flinging shit into a creek A generational trauma. That's what you go Don't tell me oh, it's just for creeks. That's what you do to creekink. No, that's not what you do to a margis disgusting throw your poop away.
Starting point is 00:09:46 Yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna be in support of that. So then we go to, oh, I love this. We then go to Taylor who's like with her roommate Louise. I'm like, I don't know who Louise is, but I want more Louise, because Louise hates Taylor clearly. And it's stuck listening to Taylor bitch about Shep for months and Louise is just sitting there and Louise is like so you had a busy weekend, I guess okay, just tell me the Shep story. She's like well, yeah Shep, I saw a chef for the first time in a couple of months Louise is like
Starting point is 00:10:18 Great. How was that? Okay, I'm gonna put in a podcast. Just talk for the next 10 minutes I'm listening to morbid right now in one ear. Go ahead. Look, but you just keep me. You know, when you see an ex for their first time and your heart drops into your butt, you know, Louise. I mean, do you have an ex Louise? Oh, you never did anyone.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Did you Louise? But I love that Louise didn't even say, yeah, I know that. She just went, whoa. Like, she clearly, I agree with you. She clearly hates her. I've been roommates with Louise. I think nine times over the course of my always love Louise my life.
Starting point is 00:10:51 Please make Louise a cast member. I like, I love Louise. Louise. Louise's amount of fuck you was so funny because you know Taylor just like, she found Louise on Craigslist, you know, and Taylor was in a rush spot just needed somewhere like I don't have a job I don't have anything just and Louise is like okay come on over and so she's been living with Louise talking about her problems she knows nothing about Louise she's never asked Louise a question and then she's sitting here crying all day when she's traveling the globe to go to world cups
Starting point is 00:11:22 we find out later to stay in other people's mansions and like, rich guys' mansions and stuff. And Louise wants her dad, okay? Louise is the rule. And I'm team Louise. Louise, the energy Louise was giving was the lady from homeless, not toothless at that dinner party just staring at all the real housewives fighting.
Starting point is 00:11:41 That's what Louise's energy. I want Louise to be at every group dinner and she doesn't have to say nothing, just at the end of the table, just watching everyone and disgusted. Yeah, Louise for president, man. Team Louise. Team Louise.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Geez. So then we see Madison throwing out the dildo that Taylor got her. She's like, I'm disgusting. And then Craig is driving and he's talking to Paige on the phone and she's like, hello. And he's like, hey, hey, what's up, baby? I'm getting a manicure and doing something
Starting point is 00:12:11 just like 10 times more interesting than whatever you're about to talk to me about. So yeah, that's what I'm up to. Well, I'm going to gov with Austin and JT. I really miss you. Just, oh yeah, I miss me too. So I'm going to go back to me now. Bye. Wait, wait. Let's talk more. She goes, all right, how is Madison's party? So he tells us, he's like, look what Taylor said about Paige's bullshit, but I know Taylor didn't mean it, so I'm not gonna hold this, I'm not gonna hold this above her head. Am I gonna talk to Paige about it? No, I don't think she needs to know about it.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Really? Someone just told you, your girlfriend cheated on you. Even if you trust your girlfriend, you should tell her that that was said about her. And how do you know, Paige said, hey, did you see the comment on comments by celebs? Someone said, girl, you know that Paige doesn't have the energy to cheat.
Starting point is 00:12:58 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I think I did see that. Did you say that's why I'm in bed all day or something? No, page set. Oh no, like, seriously, I'm dying right now. I'm like literally dying right now. It's true, she doesn't. So then Craig's just talking about this mass and party
Starting point is 00:13:14 and he's like, yeah, like, Brett is great. Like, I'd love to go on a double date with him in Madison and page goes, oh good. Which is her way of saying, like, just tell me when that date is and I'll be sure to be in New York. Yeah, who's gonna be your date for your side of the devil because bye, get smarter. Quick.
Starting point is 00:13:31 Sorry, peas are on sale at the store, so I can't come to Charleston this weekend. So now we go to Republic. Oh, yeah, good. And Taylor comes in with something that looks like a dress box and she's like, hello, Republic team and Leva's got her team after like TJ standing there like season two coming soon. It was very much like that. And there's a new guy named Robbie who's like the bar manager and he's like, and Robbie. And I was
Starting point is 00:13:57 like, we're not sure about you Robbie just yet. But the box, it turns out is a box of alcohol because Taylor is now one of these people that goes bar to bar selling booze, which is sad. And yeah, they're called alcohol reps. I mean, I call them pharmaceutical reps, but I'm into each their own. Like, I feel like we deserve to give these people a more respectful title. Okay. It is called self-medicating for a reason.
Starting point is 00:14:22 Give the woman some respect. I call alcohol reps in LA, aspiring models and actors, personally. So Taylor, because we all have seen them, going up and down, seems like strip. Cabo can't see that. Have you guys tried loco, loco monster cocktail poopy face? It's such a good cocktail.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Isn't it time girls have some beer? What if there was something flavored and sparkling for women with some beer? Like, what if there was like something flavored and sparkling for women with low calories? Oh my, okay. I think you can enjoy fizzy crap. So then, so Taylor's like, so last year, I was working as an orthodontic assistant
Starting point is 00:14:59 and I love my job, but I gave everything up to travel with Shep because at the time I thought I had the right decision because I thought we were getting married and settling down and having kids, but instead I was just out of a job. Nothing else lined up. So, thanks for that Shepp, she says. Taylor, I can't with Taylor right now. I mean, look, part of it is because I had literally had to remind myself in the show,
Starting point is 00:15:24 Ronnie, she can't hear you. You know what I mean? Because I'm yelling at the TV. Like, I told you, I tell anytime that everybody in the whole country was yelling at you. No Taylor, don't do it. Shepp is never going to marry. Shepp is abusive emotionally at the very least. Ron, and you wouldn't listen.
Starting point is 00:15:42 It's like she can't hear you. You're yelling at a Vizio. You're yelling at the cheapest TV from Costco, Ronnie. Nobody can hear you through that. To be fair, I'm pretty sure that Taylor probably got her orthodontic assistant job back, but like I'm sure Denaco will, because I can just imagine a kid sitting there
Starting point is 00:15:59 getting metal put on his teeth. And she's like, oh yeah, Kade, you wanna get you're enjoying braces? Well, brace for this. You're gonna cheat on a girl someday. Thanks a lot. Like, okay, Taylor, we're gonna need you to calm down when we're putting braces on children.
Starting point is 00:16:12 So you've got a cavity. I take it you've been eating ice cream, probably given to you by some, who are you stuck in? They're quote, Taylor, this is a family environment. So here's your night guard that you'll be using and when you get older You're gonna want to put it around your groin because you're probably gonna want to fuck around on every girl Please commit to please commit to flossing like no man
Starting point is 00:16:36 It will ever commit to me properly. Okay, there's here retainer retaining that does not not include relationships though apparently So go enjoy. Okay. So, let's see. So, yeah, she's no one. Everyone feels for Taylor, but everyone is really trying hard to not say, told you so stupid, you know. So, Leva is like, okay, sellers, Hoomi, go ahead Taylor, sell it.
Starting point is 00:17:02 You know Leva up there just encouraging everyone with that special Leva energy. She's on Minotank. She's like trying to be like, okay, do you want me to invest in your weird cocktail? So Taylor's like, okay, so this is a cocktail in a can and it's real alcohol, which by the way, that's, I love that as a selling point for cocktail,
Starting point is 00:17:24 real alcohol. It's not fake alcohol guys, so that's good. These are the flavors are, I mean, I think to kill a great fruit, that's our version of a... It's impressive. It's a teeny, a teeny, a teeny, a teeny, a teeny, a teeny, a teeny. I don't know. The packaging is pretty. I think the packaging is really pretty.
Starting point is 00:17:45 I can't get the can out of the box. It's just, I can't get it out of the box. Sort of like how I can't get Shep out of his old ways. I can't change things. I can't change it. The can's must-aid, the way it is. Anyway, it tastes good. It's called Day Chaser. It's a hundred calories. Gluten-free, one gram of sugar, and no added sugar.
Starting point is 00:18:05 And Taylor's like, okay, I guess I'll just leave it in the box and love us like, yeah, this is painful. This is what we got. And then Taylor tells us, she goes, well, honestly, I never really saw myself as a salesperson. Really? Cause you're so good at it. You have a natural gift.
Starting point is 00:18:24 But Shep had a buddy who was looking for a wrap. I was like, Chef, I thought you this job? Come on Taylor, you're taking jobs from Chef buddies. No, Ryan Taylor, cut the cord. You're hot, you're petite, and you're blonde in the South. Like people will literally hang you whatever you want, okay? Take it from a Texan. Stop taking jobs from Chef contacts,
Starting point is 00:18:44 and get the fuck away, man. Cut the cord, darling, for your own sake. So Leva says, um, well, this, this, this booze, like, we have to find ways to make sure people know that we carry it. Like, we can pick it up and it just sits there. But like, you know, if you come in and promote it, then people will be like, oh, let me try it. You pour on fortune. It's so come wear for Republic. That's what you're doing.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Well, I don't know. Do you think level would let her work at Republic? She just wants anything to ensure that there's another season for Southern hospitality, I think. I think she was like, let's just lock in someone from someone else from Southern Charm. I think they're shooting it. Yes, I think there is a second.
Starting point is 00:19:26 There is. There is. There was a hundred percent with the second season. It's probably already shot. I just, the idea of people being like, oh my God, look at that girl who's not talking, drinking that thing. I wonder what that thing is. Wow, amazing.
Starting point is 00:19:39 I like the idea of Taylor getting sucked into the world of Republic and like in a few episodes, she's like, um, so growing growing up like music is something that my family liked so I know I'm like a DJ now also And I'm also like a hostess. She just on the sidewalk like come in come in come in come in her Republic come in come in come in Come in not you whore whore Stay out whore It's time for commercial. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence commercial. Watch what crapence and winter is crappening of a funniest recap broadcast.
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Starting point is 00:21:08 the same day. So Love is like, okay, well, should we sit down and drink some of these while I let TJ call you stupid 19 different waves with his eyes? Okay, let's do that. Cause Love and Taylor sit down at the bar at a talk and then TJ just stands right between them and is like, okay, conversation with three of us, right?
Starting point is 00:21:27 I'm like, T.J. get out of there. Don't worry T.J. is not actually going to say anything with words only his eyes and T.J. is like, oh no, I'll say it. You're done with the can of spray here. Okay. Now I'm just going to stand over here and look you up and down a million times. It's either this or to evacuate my apartment again. So, so Levin's like, so the last time we saw each other was a debacle a little bit. Like, I just, I don't want you to be that person.
Starting point is 00:21:53 I don't want you to embarrass yourself. So as I was saying, come work at Republic because you definitely want to embarrass yourself here. Mm. And Taylor says, yeah, but Craig, like what he said, that was really mean to me. And you know, there's a rumor that Paige has not been faithful. And love goes, yeah, but that's just a rumor. Okay. Sure. Yeah. But I just, you know, what, I just said it to be hurtful to Craig, because you know, when you see your ex and your heart sinks and love us like, nope, actually
Starting point is 00:22:19 you have what married. So you're just going to keep trying that to everybody that you meet today. I'm sorry to Louise you, but I'm like gonna, I'm gonna opposite Louise you. Taylor. I'm too happy for this conversation. Hey Taylor, I hate to break it to you. We're only in the third minute of the show and you've had the same conversation twice already. So I can't be the Louise to you today.
Starting point is 00:22:44 So she's like, yeah, I just went 100 to zero. I mean, zero to 100. I had nothing to do with Craig and I regret it. I just wanted to be the big bad bitch in the room. And TJ goes, well, did she ever reach out to you? Did he ever reach out? And she's like, sheep has like zero fucks to give, okay? Zero fucks.
Starting point is 00:23:03 You know what it's like when an X gives zero fucks? You know the only fucks shop that's giving to hores It's like okay someone take Taylor out of here. I know it's not ready yet. It's like before I leave though TJ do you ever have that feeling when you see an X and your heart just falls down into your balls? He's like no, I'm not Louise either. So I love it. She goes, yeah, he gets zero effects and love it goes. Yeah. But hey, day chaser.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Yeah, we're gonna drink this. Yeah, drink it. We're gonna put it on a big side and create a little more. Or a side Taylor. Oh my gosh. So now we go to a golf course and Craig and Austin arrived and then this new guy, JT. And he's
Starting point is 00:23:45 sort of like a small, ratty guy kind of guy. He sort of looks like, in some ways he looks like every guy on Southern Charm ever rolled into one, like a little Ravenel, a little JT. He looks like a Ravenel to me. He looks exactly like Thomas Ravenel, just younger. Like, I watch a show called Foundation and it's a clone, like the Kings are all clones and whenever one dies, they just bring another one out of it. But it's this, it's that.
Starting point is 00:24:10 It's like they just brought out season one Thomas Ravinal. Yeah, I definitely can see it. So Austin's like, what's up with these legend of backer vans clubs that you have going on? And then JT's like, oh, remember when I skunked you last time I played, remember these guys, these clubs? Huh. Craig's like, are you guys already needling each other?
Starting point is 00:24:32 Not since a cow, but seriously. What? Why are they so old, bro? Well, you could use these today if you wanna try them out. Maybe they'll bring better fortune to you. And Austin goes, oh, I think they're a little short from me, JT, because he, you know what Austin has,
Starting point is 00:24:51 and he's never gonna let you forget it. Tall privilege. Talk to him, but. We've seen it on this show, how someone as mediocre as Austin, who's mouth literally hangs open with flies coming in and out of it, food flying everywhere, every time he eats, can get girls because he's six foot four.
Starting point is 00:25:07 And you know what, you can have any kind of intellect you want. If you go up, I guess, a six foot four blonde guy from the South, he wins. No matter what, he's just going to remind you anything you say, he's just going to call you short. Let's watch that unfold. Listen, you can't fail upwards if you're not tall, okay? Otherwise, you're just failing forwards. And that's what he does. No intellect, no personality, nobody, no charm, no closed mouth, and doing great in life. That's tall, tall privilege.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Tall privilege. So Craig is telling us that he met JT a couple of years ago when JT moved to Charleston and then JT is whipping out a bottle of Scotch or something. He's like, you want a cup or you want to be a man, Austin, and drink it from the bottle and Austin's like, I will take a cup, but talk cup. You're short, but fun. Of a tall boy, please. So Craig's like, at first, I was like, who is this kid with like a little bit of an Napoleon complex? But he grew on me and like, we became friends.
Starting point is 00:26:10 It's like, he bought you something, didn't he? He bought you dinner, right? Yeah. He invested in sewing down south for some shit. He bought a pillow. So JT is trying to be a badass with his bottle of booze and his first scene and he's like, I see a boy and tries to race them to the tee,
Starting point is 00:26:25 but he goes the wrong way. So they're just... It's up to the parking lot. So, so then they start golfing and they're like, they're sort of like being broy and JT's like, hey, that was a pretty good shot. That's a pretty good shot. I mean, it's a short par four.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Oh yeah, you're a short par four. Shit. They're so bad. So this poor little man, you know? So JT's like, yeah, I've known these guys for a long time. We played golf, we hang out. When COVID hit, I made Charleston my home, and now I live in this little Charleston bubble.
Starting point is 00:26:58 I see these guys hanging out downtown, and soon we became friends, and it's the best bubble. I'm never leaving this bubble. Do you know how many girls hang around that lamppost of a man? Truly brings new meaning to bubble, bubble, toil, and trouble. Also, is Charleston bubble, is that just a redundancy? Can't do we need both words?
Starting point is 00:27:17 I don't know. So Craig is like, JT, I wanna hear more about this trip with Taylor. He's like, oh yeah, we have to unpack with Taylor. So we went to Europe to watch the World Cup. Okay, he's like, what? How did that even happen? Why does the world even have a cup?
Starting point is 00:27:36 That's crazy, does it have a dish too? Tell me more about this. Isn't that dangerous? Everybody's sharing from the same cup after COVID. Like, do we even get straws for that cup? I mean, I know Charleston's like the only place still serving those, but still. Do you think there can be a world pillow? Because I can get started on that. So, um, JT is like, well, yeah, I had this trip planned for two years. Here's the plan. Go to English, go to England, go to Paris, World Cup. So I just bought this huge house in England
Starting point is 00:28:06 and in Paris, both huge house. And I invited some girls to come and, you know, all my friends, whoever wants to come, big ass house. So, you know, I've known Taylor a long time. So obviously she's pretty sweet and funny. So I was like, bring your friends, Taylor. And in Paris, then she hooked up with my friend.
Starting point is 00:28:24 I was like, wow, this is so sad. So you're in love with Taylor. You pay for this giant house to impress Taylor. You tell her to bring all your girlfriends to free load off of you in both homes. And then Taylor hooks up with another one of your friends. Ah, so poor JT. Poor JT.
Starting point is 00:28:40 So then Craig is like, she did and also goes, yeah, look, she actually like told me this. She called me when she was she was over there still so I guess I'm just like a little closer to Taylor Then JT is maybe and JT's like I've got a question Does it bother? Shap that you guys are so close Austin and Craig's like it would bother me. I'll tell you that I think it's his way of saying in touch with her though And I think it comforts him and like like, that's how fucked up it is. That like she goes and drinks from a cup of the world.
Starting point is 00:29:09 And like, she just has to sit and wait for someone to like, bring him a little thimbleful, because like, he's like, has to wait for a teller and stuff like that. I used to talk about bro code, but now I figured out my own code. Like, you don't talk to friends, X's. You don't clean up after yourself, because your parents own the maid service. And if you're lost on a beach
Starting point is 00:29:27 with your friend's girlfriend, dig a hole with her and sleep in it until the morning comes. So JT Basley tells Austin how you can't be loyal to Chef and Taylor, because it's gonna come back to bite you. And if it doesn't, I'm gonna help it come back to bite you, just wait.
Starting point is 00:29:43 So then we get some boom boom boom boom boom boom boom. Hell yeah. I'm gonna help it come. A Baba Dumpum. It's the season of rods, am I right? Southern charm. Back to the rods. So rod talks like a tech bro. He's very tech bro talkie. And he's like, oh, hi there.
Starting point is 00:30:17 He's sort of like a smooth over Carl also in terms of voice. So he's like, hey, here's a vanilla blonde for a not so vanilla blonde. What a cheese ball. He's really cheesy. He's really cheesy. And he does this thing where he's just kind of like looks around all the time. It does his dashing smile that he's practiced in the mirror a million times like total juice. And I think very practiced, too. He's, I mean, I don't know, they're in the South, though. So maybe you have to do this kind of stuff, but his whole like, wow, you're gluten free.
Starting point is 00:30:53 So I got gluten free bread for you. From a different place that the sandwiches made add them to liver the bread to me, then I took it to the sandwich place, and I especially make it my little blonde princess, ding, little more energy that anyone, any man on this show has ever shown towards anyone. to the sandwich place, and I'm especially making my little blonde princess, ding. Little more energy that any man on this show has ever shown towards any woman, though, to be fair.
Starting point is 00:31:10 I know. It makes me not trust it. I'm like, this is, you're from the same town. I don't believe you. Are you gonna murder her? What's happening? So Olivia says that the roommates moved out officially today, aka her parents parents and he's like,
Starting point is 00:31:26 do you feel like an empty nester? You sort of got some Kristie McNickle and you little Diana Manoff, you know what I'm saying? You not got that reference? Okay, I'll be quiet now. Yeah, they're way too young for that one, Ben. No, I think they're not on this cast. Is there a dog named Drifus coming by?
Starting point is 00:31:42 No, okay. She's like, yeah, I feel bad because actually they were like never really empty nesters. They never really got that chance. And he's like, well, that's happened. That's what happens when you have a paris. I mean, roommate.
Starting point is 00:31:53 Oh, oh, oh. So that's their like a little flirtation stuff. And she's talking about how it's so hard dating in Charleston because she's ancient in the South. Like at 30, if you don't have kids, you're shriveled up in dust. Basically. It's never too late.
Starting point is 00:32:11 Okay, Marcy. Marcy, you can go now. We know you're pregnant. I gotta pee now. I'm pregnant. So yeah, he brings these sandwiches and he's like, by the way, And so yeah, he brings these sandwiches and and he's like, by the way, I've been told
Starting point is 00:32:28 that I'm like a really bad eater. So I'll try my best not to eat, I'll try my best not to eat on first and second dates. I'm like, sir, the last person she did was Austin. He was, he was basically like a one-man food processor. That's true, but also, you know, who else is a terrible eater? Olivia. Oh my God. I'm true, but also, you know, who else is a terrible eater? Olivia.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Oh my God. I'm like, you're a perfect couple, then. You've officially met your match. Olivia eats like, I taught Josh these eating sake of my life. That's fun, Fred Brown. I was like, wow, I'm afraid. I'm like, wow, your parents literally taught you nothing.
Starting point is 00:33:01 What did you even do in my house? What did they do? The Hollywood needs to hire her to stand over windows and eat cold sloths so it looks like it's slowing outside. You eat with your mouth open. You can't use a microwave. You throw shit over your fence. Where your parents even there are they really even parents. Like what? Come on. She's a mess. So, I'm sorry. She actually says after all this food flirtation, she goes, yeah, he's really chivalrous
Starting point is 00:33:35 and it's like so refreshing. Makes me want to give him a shot. I mean, you can't compare him to Austin because like, then I was never landed. Now I guess I'm back to Earth. That is so rude to say about somebody. I think, wow, well, I guess, I had in my head Austin, but come back to Earth. Now I've got Rod, you know?
Starting point is 00:33:57 With Austin, you were on the ocean gate explorer, okay? And now you were back on dry land. You managed to escape a terrible fate. So Olivia's life. You were on a carnival cruise and you've moved over to a princess cruise. It's like a slightly upward lateral move. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:34:15 You were at Club Med and now you've escaped to a Chick-fil-A just outside the exterior of Club Med. And as someone who's actually done that before, like, it's a very real experience. You feel like you've actually like advanced and you're like, oh, so glad to not be at Club Med anymore. I can finally get some real food, but you're just still only at Chick-fil-A.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Well, thank God for the prayer on the cup, Dan. So Olivia's like, yeah, good men are a dime a dozen. Charleston. And he's like, I think you got that term backwards because that means there's a lot of them. She goes, no, no, a dime a dozen means there's not a lot. Do I have that long? To have that wrong.
Starting point is 00:35:01 They're cracking it up. And he's like, oh my God, I love stupid people. That is so funny. Hey, look at the tour bus. They're probably on their and he's like, oh my God, I love stupid people. That is so funny. Hey, look at the tour bus. They're probably on their mic like, hey, look on the left. You'll see 100 white people in one brown guy. Wave at the brown guy, everybody.
Starting point is 00:35:15 And a human coleslaw maker. That's a liveo over there. So, she's like, oh my God, I'm getting a headache from laughing so much. My throat is closing up. He's like, you're blushing I'm getting a headache from laughing so much. My throat is closing up. He's like, huh, you're blushing a little bit. I think I'm choking. It was gluten in the bread.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Oh! Just kidding. Well, they kiss. They really do have more, like so much more chemistry than often, so I was happy at the very least. Well, they didn't to me until this kiss part, because she does this thing where she just looks at him and then she'd licks her lips, you know, which means like, I want a kiss now. And so then they kissed and it's kind of awkward, but I'm ready.
Starting point is 00:35:52 No, she was like, mm-hmm. Okay, I've already done, I'm done thing. I've already eaten with my mouth open. I've already flung some dog shit that we found during lunch over his shoulder. Okay, let's take it. Cut to the tour bus. Hi everyone, this is Louise. Welcome to Louise Tour. I'm going to point out all the losers in town. Okay, there's two losers on a bench. That one, oh, I kind of know her. She's the biggest loser of all. Okay, we're heading to Shep's house next. Okay, so next we go to Patricia. Oh, Patricia. So Patricia's looking, she's like, where's my hand painted pillow?
Starting point is 00:36:31 Someone has moved it. I love how she's really so wealthy. She has nothing better to do than to go on scavenger hunts for her pillow. And just accused people. Like him and my pain, my hand painted pillow. Randy, Randy good thing thing thing thing Randy that was a hand paint. First of all, get a fucking real pillow. People hand painted pillows? No. Can we just all just have a collective no for hand painted pillow?
Starting point is 00:36:57 I get it your rich okay go buy something useful. Fucking hand painted pillow. There's a good ninja out go buy a ninja buy a ninja might I suggest a ninja fryer oven. I'm also just saying okay how's someone hand paint that shit. Jesus. Don't be rich people. Just have just have an air fryer on your sofa. I think that Patricia was just trying to build a case to fire a rendition like well now a days you can't just fire someone unless you got documentation. So I want to write down first offense,
Starting point is 00:37:29 Ham Pinted Pilla on the wrong sofa. All right. As I've been reminded by Whitney, the new minority in America is the straight white male. Can't just fire Randy for no reason. Randy does look completely traumatized, I just have to say, this is the second time seeing Randy and Randy looks like he's just been crying
Starting point is 00:37:52 and maybe cutting himself. I'm just gonna say, help Randy. He's like, there's just so much to learn. So then Whitney walks through and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, are we? We are tired because we've been resting So then Whitney walks through and he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm Randy's just whizzing in, like, yes, hello, ma'am. She's like, maybe that would,
Starting point is 00:38:29 Randy, could you get me a drink? My usual, Monteney, please. Now Whitney's set up straight and put your leg down. And he's like, call it, it's a furniture in here, I mean, it's a museum in here, I guess. It's just not comfortable, it just can't get comfortable in here. Like, shut museum in here, I guess. It's just not comfortable. I just can't get comfortable in here.
Starting point is 00:38:47 It's like, shut up and sit down with me. Yeah, I have to sit down. I'm just going to punch back, fool. Because, well, I'm just saying, whether it's form over function, mother, form over function. Well, that's what we almost named you, form over function, son. So, just shut up and sit down. And then Randy comes in with the martinius.
Starting point is 00:39:04 Now, Randy, see, how many times I have to tell you That glass is upside down. Don't you wonder why there's a puddle on your tray? Sorry, I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry, ma'am. Now go back and sit on the ninja. Okay Now you know the Brits never touch glasses when they, right Whitney? They just say cheers. And he's like, well, but we're American though. No, I suck. It's considered gauche, sort of like a haircut son.
Starting point is 00:39:37 So did you talk to Madison? I'm really sorry. I wanted to go to her party, but then I remembered every single person who was going to be there. So I got sick. I told her all go to your next wedding party. Yeah, but celebrate the richness of marriage, huh? And she tells us a story about her father. Her father didn't get married till the 60s, and so Whitney has some of that DNA. And he says he he's looking but he just hasn't found the one.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Well I said get over 22 year old models. You always complained about them being an articulate, well I mean let's expand the search. Well you want to bring home some girl going door to door selling alcohol to bars, trying to make it big in the world of fashion am I right? Just pan the search. He can go as well, but to quote the keep the ralsy you can't rush richness. You can't rush. You can't rush.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Can't rush richness. What the fuck can't rush richness. Can't rush richness. I didn't. I didn't. I can't rush richness. Can't rush rich this what the fuck can't rush for tonight can't rush I didn't pay for this can't rush rich and it's can't rush to listen it can't rush Rift who wrote that what gay hating little elf wrote that tag I'm not bad gay elf hey hating elves I didn't pay for you to go to university and interview Andre Leon Talor to quote the key Blurrells Well the quote renaubleer is backwards. Get it fixed
Starting point is 00:41:06 and get a decent woman in here to quote those old ladies from the 80s. Where's the beef? And by beef I'm in wife. To quote Randy, hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders don't upset us. All we ask is that you let us serve it your way. Can I please stop sitting on the ninja? My ass is burnt. It's about the old rump old man with the mustache. Tom to make the donuts. By donuts I'm in babies, please.
Starting point is 00:41:37 Grand babies. So then we go to Madison's house and she's doing her hair to call her mom, which I think is so Southern Yeah, well her mom's name is Tara, which is one letter away from T. R. So you always got to make sure your hair looks nice Isn't it also the mansion in Gone with the wind. Yeah, I think it I think it is. So she's terrifying. She's terrifying She really is she's like perfect and blonde terrifying. Okay, you're a fine. She really is.
Starting point is 00:42:06 She's like perfect and blonde and gorgeous and she doesn't come to her daughter's wedding party. It's like, wait a minute. That's going all with Tara. You know? Come on, shoes. Here comes one right now. So she's like, I like when she answers the phone
Starting point is 00:42:23 she goes, Madison. And she goes, hey, Mal, you look cute. What are you going? She's like, well, when she answers the phone, she goes, Madison, she goes, Hi, Mal, you look cute. Where are you going? She's like, well, I'm going to lunch with a friend and then we're going to go antiquing. That's what my hobby is, finding treasures and then destroying them.
Starting point is 00:42:36 Hmm. Well, I found an article that modern fixed, modern mixed with antiques is the new thing. So you already ahead of the train, Mama? Yeah, that's how they cast your TV show too, I hear. Yeah, you know, I gotta do something to keep me busy, honey. I can only shut so much in the day. Now, what were we born for?
Starting point is 00:42:54 Cork, mama. That's right, baby. Born for corn. So when are you gonna come visit, mama? She goes, well, I wanna come down for the weekend. You know, I'm so sad that I missed your trash a little party, you know. But I'll call you before just to confirm when I'm coming down.
Starting point is 00:43:09 I'm going to bring some antiques for you. You thought about an antique dildo. Am I allowed to say that on this TV show? Mother. Mother. Um, so Madison's like, well, that'd be good. Say it, because, you know, my husband's gone with his daddy. Brad's gone to save the world.
Starting point is 00:43:25 I'm just all alone over here. She's like, well, honey, I'm impressed with you being a little wife and all that. And all that cooking you're doing. Look at you boiling water these days. What did you make, Raymond? God, everybody loves Raymond. I know where you got that from.
Starting point is 00:43:38 I'll teach you how to make the best cornbread. It's all about the pain, baby. She literally recommended a cornbread, it's all about the pain, baby. She literally recommended a cornbread recipe after I died when she literally brought up corn. It's been a year of us saying born for corn. And the fact that she said cornbread, I was cackling. I was hoping that it would say born for corn again. Well, the fact that she brought up some kind of corn food again. and she also brought up amteeking again. I guess that's her, she's like, I'm gonna make this my thing.
Starting point is 00:44:08 I'm gonna be on TV, and everyone's gonna know me is terrifying. The lady who loves corn and antiques. I guess who I wanna hang out with, terrifying, because I am down for both of those. But mainly the corn, but I'll go anteking with her. Yeah, 100%. So Madison's like,
Starting point is 00:44:24 well, I have made him hamburger helper once or twice. I'm not gonna lie about that, mama. Now, let me do, okay, audience out there, America. Let me tell you a funny story. This is good, okay? So I make this pot roast red, and my pot roast is real, real good.
Starting point is 00:44:37 It's not. Can I just tell you, I already know that this pot roast is not good. I can just tell. Yep, it's not good. You're too new, like you're too new at pot roast. You know what I mean? Pot roast is not just like you do it a couple of times
Starting point is 00:44:49 and you're great at it, okay? You've never made a pot roast before like a month ago. Let's stop pretending that pot roast is for us. You're gonna mess up your seasoning because it's too big of a piece of the pot. 100% you have to know that. And it's gonna be too chewy. Too chewy, it will not be braised enough,
Starting point is 00:45:04 it won't be right, we know. You don't eat pot roast gonna be too chewy too chewy. It will not be braised enough. It won't be right We know you don't eat pot roast like can tell you that she's not eating pot roast because her sugar or something in it Maybe and Brett is to pot of the oven and roasted the pot. I make a real good pot roast And also Brett is to a per-ass to really tell her what he thinks which we find out in this scene So you can't really make a good pot roast until you practice and people judge the shit out of your pot roast. Yeah. So she's like, okay, back to my really good story.
Starting point is 00:45:33 So I make a really good pot roast and then I gave it to Brett and he just sat there and then he ate it, but he left all the carrots around and then I was like, oh my God, he's a lager to fucking carrots and he didn't even complain. Isn't he so nice? I was like, that's a, yeah to fucking carrots and he didn't even complain. Isn't he so nice? Like that's a yeah great funny story you don't even pay attention enough to the fact that your husband has a deathly allergy. Super funny. That was pretty funny. What are you doing? He's gone honey or you lonely? I have to stay busy. I'm here alone but that could change Mama because we're talking about getting our birth control.
Starting point is 00:46:05 Okay? Could you imagine? How a man wouldn't be amazing to picture a grand baby for you that closes its mouth occasionally. It doesn't split the milk that you've worked so hard to produce back in your face. I thought you got off birth control when you stopped in Austin.
Starting point is 00:46:22 I mean, talk about one man who could make someone's ovaries shrivel up in my ride. I don't even know you needed birth control after your ovaries took a run for the hills during the Austin years, honey. So she's talking about how Brett did take us back from the front line. She goes, yeah, normally the guys who do you have families, they aren't like dead in the front. No pun intended, okay. Now, if I have a baby, I'd want him around all the time. What the fuck with the,
Starting point is 00:46:53 so just put the single med out there. Just burn the single med, anybody gay and single, those were the flamers. No pun intended, okay. I know. So she's, so then Madison's face like, I'm missing when he's gone. And Tara's like, yeah, no, and then drops the phone. Um, she probably saw a really great antique nearby. Or some corn. So then,
Starting point is 00:47:17 the mom's just like, I'm over this. Like, how long do I have to pretend to like you? This has been a long scene. Come your hair. I'm mother, I just put product in it. What do I have to do to end this scene? Okay, I'm just gonna drop my phone. Whoops. Mom can't hold the phone. Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom. Austin and Greg. There's mama. Those are all right. Never mad. Was that part of the song? No, it could be. It was an Aaron mama. Yeah, Austin and Craig and a golf cart going down the street and JT hops on. So they all head down to this uptown social and they sit down and JT just turns to Austin
Starting point is 00:47:54 and goes, I never tried your beer. I was like, what? What? I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny.
Starting point is 00:48:03 I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. I was so funny. by the mid. Yeah. Oh, and Austin's like, wow, losing points by the minute, dude. And he goes, yeah, well, I think I'll try Jack and Datt for now. I guess, wow, I never tried to be here and I'll get a Jack and Datt, it's sort of a bitch. So, Shep shows up and he's like,
Starting point is 00:48:19 hey, JT, do I know you? Oh, sorry, that's some of the wit that I picked up reading about Moliere. Oh My god remember remember last time we were here JT We danced to that song who runs the girl old white man who runs the world whole white man. That was amazing Hey Austin you went vest too. We're both wearing vest. I guess we're both really invested in fashion.
Starting point is 00:48:49 Oh, hashtag me over there. Oh, and JT's like, whoa, yeah, you got the Wayne foot going on that chest and goes, yeah, I did. You know what I shot in 83, that course. And JT's like, whoa, that course is hell. Oh, yeah, dude, we gotta play. You know what, I got to play Royal Melbourne
Starting point is 00:49:07 and go, had you get in there, I'll tell you how. So, we met these two girls. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Do we have to hear this story again? I cannot hear this story again. Can we not go through the golf story and it's insane right now? You're like, please just tell the short stories.
Starting point is 00:49:25 And I'm like, okay, so I meet these two identical twins in their 20s. That's a good start. That's a good start, okay. And Craig's like, did you guys get to have a threesome? And Chef's like, oh no, that would have been that happy. Anding, whoa, hold on two of my right. Oh, I want to hear more about the stories about Australia.
Starting point is 00:49:46 Okay, it was great, man. So we met a lot of girls. It was fantastic, beautiful, beautiful. Ah, girls, I'm so sad about Taylor. And then they all, okay, more hot girl stories. So when I went to a restaurant and these two hot girls walked in, the identical twins or other girls,
Starting point is 00:50:01 other girls, it was amazing. Poor chef is trying really hard to get everybody to believe that he's got girls hanging all over the place. It's so sad, you know? And I get like wanting to be single, obviously hello, it's me, but he's giving off a very strong vibe
Starting point is 00:50:20 of not wanting to be single. This whole trip sounds very sad. I went golfing, who was the girl there? I got a high-cutting golfing, who was the risk of a girl? Then I wanting to be single. This whole trip sounds very sad. I went golfing. What's the girl there? I got an golfing. What's the girl there? Then I went to this wedding. What the girl? Where there was also girls? Whoa, the bride loved me. I suddenly get for a vows to me. Who was nuts? Yeah, everything is about that. So, um, JT is like, so do you do hinge or rye? He's like, oh no, I don't, I'm tall, I'm tall, I'm tall.
Starting point is 00:50:47 I had organic success. Yeah, I'm wealthy and tall, I'm wealthy and tall. Yeah, I know you don't understand that, but we don't need to use apps, yeah, that's great, yeah. And Jason's like, listen, now I'm not a relationship counselor, but you were with Taylor, why would you let Taylor go? What a girl, petite, blonde, Caucasian. I mean, it's hard to do better than her.
Starting point is 00:51:07 She's literally perfect. Now, can I be honest with you? You should find a way to marry that girl. Listen, you're not gonna find a lot of blonde white ladies in the South. So. Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, my friend, and girls.
Starting point is 00:51:21 So, well, the best girl in the world, I mean, Austin is the, I mean, not Austin. Whoa, Taylor's the best girl in the world, I mean Austin is the, I mean not Austin, whoa, Taylor is the best girl in the world. I mean Taylor is a cat talk about fish and see she's a catch, catch the day. I'm trying to understand why you let her go. If you catch a world record fish you don't throw it back on the ocean. I mean I guess maybe sometimes you do, but you kill it and you eat it for dinner am I right? Why would you ever get rid of Taylor? Best girl! So basically what they've done is they have cast a messy ass on this show, which I love. So he is going against the tall guy.
Starting point is 00:51:52 He's basically Team Craig because Craig has always been out on the edges of this group because he was like, he's not from the south and he's from Delaware or something. And he doesn't come from a ton of money or whatever and so he's always been on the outside for that and so he's always trying to cause shit with the guys but now here he has backup and I love it. Watching them work together to destroy these two with a smile on their face, guys, my heart
Starting point is 00:52:21 like literally was warm. I was like, oh my God, am I getting hot in here? No, it's just my heart, like literally was warm. It was like, oh my god, are we getting hot in here? No, it's just my heart, it's warmed. Yeah, this guy was giving me strange, like, short, southern man version of Ramona vibes. Just sort of like, just saying it, and just like, not even caring, just going, just, and like, clearly this was awkward territory,
Starting point is 00:52:42 and like the whole rest of the episode, he's just like Ramona, you know? So Austin like, what is going on? And he's in love with the girl. Craig, I'm not in love with her. I'm not in love with her. He goes, yeah, but she walks in and you light up. I mean, I think you light up.
Starting point is 00:52:59 I have to sort of like, I sort of have to clear out some space and look all the way down to see if there's a light by my feet. But yeah, you light up. It's like you look like one of those tennis shoes that every time you take a step at lights up. Like I'm looking down and just see a blinking every once in a while. And Austin's like, well, I light up when she comes in the room too, and I tell them, yeah, I'm in love with her.
Starting point is 00:53:21 And she's like, you do spend a lot of time to get up. Yeah, because they were super close. I like shoes always calling me about you. And JT is like, wait, but don't you care that this guy's hanging out with your ex? Like, isn't that a little weird? I don't care. I don't care at all because I went to Australia and there were so many girls. JT is like, huh?
Starting point is 00:53:41 He's like, you know, it's for Taylor to decide who she wants to hang out with. I'm progressive. And JT is like, come on, this bro, go bro. And Shep proves, Shep basically confirms Craig's theory, which is, see, I sort of see Austin is a life raft between me and Taylor, like I get info. And I ask how she is. And I say, what's she up to?
Starting point is 00:54:04 Has she sold any day chasers? Please let me know. And then I go back to masturbating and to other people. Who really is the best of both worlds? You know with Taylor, you gotta be careful with the relationship. I mean, you're talking to us X, okay? And when you have a sleepover where the girl
Starting point is 00:54:23 that's your friend's X, cause you're saying this to Austin and she's like, his chef's head is like, oh, gosh, gosh, what are you talking about sleepover? Well, you know, because the other not, we were at a bar and then Taylor was like, I'm tired, so we all went to Austin's and then, you know, Austin, you let me leave
Starting point is 00:54:41 and then it was just a two of you and then the next morning I was like, hey, Taylor, love of my life, do you wanna get coffee? And she was like, I'm leaving Austin's just now. That's weird. Did I just say all that stuff out loud? Whoops. In other words, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I went into a hot trough and stayed over and Adrienne. It didn't even know about it while she was out of town.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Darling, I know. I thought that too, because I was like, I believe the word that's missing in this entire exchange is a JT that you dipped out. You dipped out from Austin. That Austin is like biting his lips. He's like, what the hell bro? Okay, that's what you get.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Okay, you have tall privilege, but he has a messy little person privilege and he's gonna come in here and splatter all your mess everywhere. That's what you get. Make another short joke, stupid. Go ahead. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:55:36 So Austin starts going like, listen, we both, we both, we both, we both, we both, like he was literally like a broken robot. I like, his tongue was like, his tongue was just like flapping out of control. Well, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, wait, she's meant to marry your house, that's mine! Yeah, well, I thought she left and then she was in the bathroom and then she walks into my room and I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't even know where you were, it's insane right now! And she said, yeah, because I got drunk and I was like, whoa! It was a common goal.
Starting point is 00:56:19 Be a better liar, you lie so much, like your proof that practice doesn't make perfect. I mean, jeez. I don't need to have be a better liar, just be more of an original liar because you literally stole the Tom and Raquel lie. Like, it's the exact same lie from the hot tub night. So, JT's like, listen, I do think your relationship with Taylor, I mean, it's a little gray.
Starting point is 00:56:41 It's a little murky and she's like, yeah, I do feel that way, but I don't have a claim over anybody Not me. I'm progressive chef these days Well, if chef had a sleepover with Olivia, you'd be pissed about that wouldn't you my tall brother and Austin's like, oh god Don't even talk like that. JT goes, well, it is a little murky No, when I think of her, I feel like I'm just like a It is a little marquee. No, when I think of her I feel like I'm just like a Protective brother
Starting point is 00:57:15 Yeah, but like a but like protective like the way they are in game of thrones, you know they fuck each other and Craigs like have you guys. Oh, you know like they are in that lifetime's fire's in the attic. They're also protective in that show. Have you guys ever kissed and also goes, ah, let me hold on. Let me just wipe my mouth. Ah, no. I'm gonna get a beer. I'm gonna get a beer. Listen, he looked down into the left when he said that and I've seen law and order before so Yeah, because we all know when you when you look down to the left that means you're lying That's why Beyonce sings that song because she's talking about a box to the left that's lying So honest question is it my left or your left like if you're looking down into the right? I thought it was up into the right too like you're looking into your head to come up with something. Let me see. Let's look at it. I think it's that was my
Starting point is 00:58:12 perspective. Look when when when when when you're lying. So, someone is like, look, okay, debunk the myth that people look, okay, so it is to the left, but apparently When people lie they may maintain eye contact 70% of the time so that's debunked. Oh Really? So you can tell they're lying if they keep their eyes and oh gosh, I mean Let's look at everybody in the eye. That's not, doesn't mean that you're lying. It just means that looking to the left is not a sign of lying, because liar's not.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Oh. Okay, so being vague, offering, these are signs of lying. Being vague, offering few details. Okay, he's doing that. Repeating questions before answering them. Oh yeah. I love he's doing that.
Starting point is 00:59:01 Speaking in sentence fragments, I mean, I'm a little out of it. Speaking sentences with your lips, while other sentences are coming out of your mouth, tonally, which is awesome. It's just kidding. Failing to provide specific details, okay? Gruming behavior is such as playing with hair.
Starting point is 00:59:16 He's literally playing with his hair and within a hands over his mouth. Okay, I wanna see what- Here's something from where you look. Which I love. By the way, this is really unhelpful. This is from Time Magazine. Facial clues, the eyes.
Starting point is 00:59:27 Someone who is lying might stare or look away at a crucial moment. Well, that's not helpful. They're gonna be looking at you or not looking at you. That's how you know they're lying. Yeah, okay, well here's one. This is from NBC News, notion that liars of glance to the right debunked.
Starting point is 00:59:44 A glance up to the left supposedly means a person is telling the truth, whereas a glance to the upper right signals to see, however, at new research, thoroughly debunks these notions, as it turns out, you can't smell a liar by where he looks. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don that someone was lying by a mission. Well, I don't think Austin's capable of doing any of that. So, it's basically impossible for him. Okay, so back to it. Now we all know how, now we've all learned nothing, basically, okay. No lessons here today. So Craig goes to get a beer and says that thing about the lying. And Austin's clearly lying. You don't have to have watched spy movies to know that he's lying. Craig is right. He's lying. So Austin's like, listen, there are friends in my life where I can share a bed and things like don't happen. And I kind of feel that way about Taylor. Like,
Starting point is 01:00:35 well, you just said that she was in the guest room. So wait, so you slept with Taylor and he goes, no, no, I'm just saying. So wait, so then you've never kissed, hand on a Bible. Hand on a Bible, you think that's gonna mean shit to Austin? Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. I'm probably just people. So Austin's like, no, never did it.
Starting point is 01:00:54 And he goes, I just told you, and Chepp goes, I believe you, let's drop it, Garsh. And he goes, I have to core of this. Austin is a very core friend of mine. And I have to go with what Austin says because that's what friends do. They trust each other. Plus this way, I can look like the better friend
Starting point is 01:01:10 when later on I find out that this is true, and I can say, I believed you. Yeah, exactly. So then we go back to Vanita's house, and she's still just sitting with Charles, but this time Madison comes over, and they're gonna pull some weeds together. Yeah Wow, so they start talking about
Starting point is 01:01:30 This party and how what's her bones was acting crazy and gave her a delta Madison is just She I can just not believe somebody would give me a deal though. Okay. I'm a homemaker now I I do how making things I both water and put rainman noodles in there. Yeah, Madison is so much about homemaker now that she has apparently won best yard of the month to months in a row. I just wanna know what publication that is, like was that the economist or was that just like
Starting point is 01:02:02 Tara's home newsletter. We're in a best yard, my daughter, Madison, 12th month in a row, sorry, losers. And then we see her doing Instagrams where she's like, look at me, why do I'm plants? You know why? Because I'm a married lady now. A lady who loves her husband.
Starting point is 01:02:16 And you know what men love? Plants, plants in the front of their house. So that's what I'm doing. Hey, plant, you want a little pot roast? Feed plants, feed plants, the plants, dad. Are's what I'm doing. Hey, plant, you want a little pot roast? Being plants, just being the plant stand. Are you allergic to carrots? Come back plant.
Starting point is 01:02:30 So if we needed a size, if you just like, you know what Taylor was really spiraling, I think what we need to do is we to have like a bit of a girl's night so we can sort of reel her in and let Taylor know that if she's feeling like she's spiraling, she can call one of us instead of making a scene out of party. Oh, okay. You know what we should have a girls night where we can all be together while I deal those saying this girl.
Starting point is 01:02:53 Okay. Who wants to see? Like, Vanita, you're on a reality TV show. We are here for the spiraling. Okay. Like more spiral. We want you to spiral actually. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Yeah. Spin that top already. So Venita, yeah. So Madison's like, well, you know, when you're dating someone who has all these guys who are best friends, I mean, they're gonna go with each other, not her. And she's like, yeah, I think the only person
Starting point is 01:03:16 that actually didn't do that to her was Austin. And Madison's like, well, I have my own thoughts about Austin. I mean, okay, he's lucky and loved with their fear. I was gonna try and hold it in, but honestly, he's lucky and loved with their fear. I was gonna try and hold them in, but honestly, it's Austin and it's just painful having him anywhere in my thoughts. So there it goes.
Starting point is 01:03:30 You spread it around, spread it wide. Not born for corn. So now we go back to the bros. We're on, by the way, they're on like a very sad pub crawl because they're just going to empty bar, empty bar. Is this like a Tuesday? What's happening?
Starting point is 01:03:44 So, JT's like, okay, if we go somewhere else, let's talk about something fun. Okay, so they walked to a new bar and she was like, gosh, that was a lot. I'm like, Jesus, I'm pretty evolved, LOL. But I think I would be really fucked up if Austin slept with Taylor. I'm so evolved.
Starting point is 01:04:03 I can't wait to hear your thoughts on women in the workplace in about five minutes. Shep. So Craig's like, wait, you don't think they kissed. Are you guys, you guys are 40, like stop. You think they kissed. Everybody in this town dates everybody else. You guys are the ones who have told us that for years. So let's just all get over it.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Okay. I'm already over the story. They shouldn't have leaked this 10 months ago So chef is like I don't have any idea and I'm not I'm not gonna play detective because honestly I'm too wealthy to to do that sort of job But you know Austin fucking Austin right? It's like well you've never admitted to me that you thought it was weird and it is weird cuz I have a crack I've heard about the crack code
Starting point is 01:04:44 It's like the Da Vinci code, but if like Da Vinci had X's who was like talking to and like it's just like not cool. And she's like, well, I thought that a good relationship and then identity, but it got stronger. Hopefully this isn't going to be another scandagosh. So they go this new bar. It's called like, I don't know what it's called, but they're there and Rodrigo joins them. And the spa has like merch that says big deck energy, so Craig really wants to get that merch and they want JT to wear the merch, but JT is like very insecure about wearing the
Starting point is 01:05:17 merch. He really doesn't want to. And he's, Craig is like, hey if I buy you a big deck energy shirt, will you wear it? And she's like, I don't know. I don't know. I mean, if it says I have a baby deck, I'm not gonna wear it. Cause I don't have a baby deck.
Starting point is 01:05:30 I don't. And I wasn't tormenting about that on my life. So no, I don't want to wear a deck shirt. No, no, I'm not gonna do it. No, it says like big deck. And he's like, but that still sounds like a deck. So no, no. So we start his, seeing his insecurities
Starting point is 01:05:44 already spiraling out, which is hilarious. Hilarious. And so then he, then like, so then he breads this shirt and shops were like a big deck energy hat and everything. And Rodrigo comes and he's like chucking a beer
Starting point is 01:05:58 and often's like, oh, Rodrigo, I had known Rodrigo for like a decade at this point. Oh, he was like best friends with some of my best friends from like other best friends from like high school, like like some of the friends I used to like drive across lawns with from the cross team, you know? And he was like one of my favorite humans in Charleston. So then we get a Rodrigo story.
Starting point is 01:06:20 He's like guys last night I was at Rarebet with my boyfriend, Tyler and I ran into my ex-boyfriend and his wife, and then I did this face at him like, oh, what? Wife, and he was like, no more guys, only women. And I was like, we should hang out sometime. And then Taylor, Tyler, whatever his name is, thought I was serious, and he was like,
Starting point is 01:06:40 you really wanna hang out with your ex and his girlfriend? And I was like, no, I'm fucking kidding. I didn't really sound like a joke, but, you really want to hang out with your ex and his girlfriend? And I was like, no, I'm fucking kidding. Didn't really sound like a joke, but you know, I love, I love that though. Just someone is like, Hey, you want to hang out? I was totally kidding. So then Austin's like, he just turned into JT because now he wants to give it back to JT. He goes, Hey, JT, one last time he had sex, Paul and JT was like, did you just like, with a girl?
Starting point is 01:07:05 Cause like, why am I ever gonna answer to you about my sex life? And I was like, you don't have to say who? One of the last time you had sex, I just want to help. Hold on. He's like, what about you? One of the last time you had sex, he's like six days ago,
Starting point is 01:07:19 I'm kind of conical with that. They say, do we know where? And he's like, yeah, okay, you guys are trying too hard with this fake storyline of hooking he's like, yeah, okay, you guys are trying too hard with this fake storyline of hooking, like it's painfully obvious that you guys are at the stall faking the storyline. I was like, what?
Starting point is 01:07:31 Maybe you know who I was six or six days ago, right after I was making Sheppan secure about me possibly banging Taylor. Yeah, exactly. So Craig is like, is it because, Jay, he goes, well, I haven't been interested in anyone. Is it because a tailor? Are you holding out for a tailor?
Starting point is 01:07:47 The love of your life tailor. You love tailor, don't you? Do you wish you were a child with braces and tailor could be an assistant for the process? You love tailor. Craig, you gotta drop this narrative. And set the walks off all past that they're coming firm again.
Starting point is 01:07:59 And Craig's like, well, I mean, you do have big deck energy, bro. Is the T- teacher who's wearing. Say something about him being short. Oh, there's something about him being short. So then, so, Shep goes to the bars, then Austin follows him, and he's, Jeff is like, Jay, she's like, oh, you'll never find another one like her. Like, what the fuck are you thinking?
Starting point is 01:08:19 I'm like, oh, God, maybe not. I just know how much she loved me and how much I sometimes acknowledge her presence. And I can't believe we're out drinking and talking about relationships. Garsh. Garsh, I really miss having someone to call stupid every day.
Starting point is 01:08:34 And now Craig joins them and they've just all left the new beast, which is so funny. Stop having awkward conversation at another table. And JT's talking to Rodrigo. They're like, well, I guess we've got to have conversation. And he's's talking to Rodrigo, they're like, well, I guess we gotta have conversation. He's like, so how do you know Austin? He's like, oh yeah, yeah, I know Austin.
Starting point is 01:08:51 I met Austin years ago when he was a normal person and then he turned into a douche. Well, he was always a douche, but now he's like just a gross douche. Yeah, so then back to Shep, Shep's like, that was my longest relationship, bros. Craig's like, well, you never acted like you cared. I mean, we knew you did care.
Starting point is 01:09:07 Like, maybe you're softer than you put off. Wow, look at Shep. Like, Shep has a heart, guy, his audience. Shep is still the heartbeat of this show, okay? And Austin is visibly annoyed. Like, the annoyance of someone who hates hearing the girl that he's in love with being talked about in this way. So Craig is like, maybe it bothers you more
Starting point is 01:09:29 than you admit how much she hangs out with Austin because I've never seen you be concerned about that. And I think you should be angry. Do you wanna be angry right now? Do you wanna start? You can be angry. Be angry. Be mad.
Starting point is 01:09:41 Be mad right now. Yeah, and Austin, you should be that awesome. Austin's like, I'm sitting right here, bro. Come on right here. I can't work you. He is like trying to get, actually trying to get Shep mad. And like they are just talking about Austin right there.
Starting point is 01:09:54 Yeah, it's just like so funny. Oh, so you're okay, but now she's spending nights with Austin. Austin's so dumb. What is a dumbest person? Why do we ever become friends with Austin? I know, I can't stand Austin. I'm right here. I'm right here, bro. So dumb with a dumbest person. Why do we ever become friends with Austin? I know I can't stand Austin
Starting point is 01:10:11 So steps like putt it you did you kiss her? What's going on? He gets no listen if something you just transpired You got put not after when I stand then you wouldn't Like you're just saying you could have slept but then if there was only a ruler What are you saying and he's like Oh, I mean at that point it wouldn't be cool to say something to someone because that would just be hurtful right I mean, it was just one I said what I would say anything about that. Oh, it's just be careful Yeah, like if I only watched part one of the Vietnam War I wouldn't just tell you that because that would make you hurt that didn't finish the whole thing You watch part one of the Vietnam War. I wouldn't just tell you that because that would make you hurt that didn't finish the whole thing. You watched part one of the Vietnam War didn't tell me?
Starting point is 01:10:47 Gars! Wow, Houch, that was a real Ken burn. So then Craig's like, this is so bad Austin. He's laughing, he's cracking up to us saying, this is so bad Austin. And Austin's like, oh my God, can we please stop pounding this into Shep's brain?
Starting point is 01:11:02 Let's just go watch a sunset, right? So they move back to the other guys. Oh, they go to Inc Roof Top, which has the sun. By the way, it is a gorgeous sunset at the top of the city, right? Yeah, it's very nice. And so they go to the sunset and JT is like, cannot take their shirt off now.
Starting point is 01:11:20 I can't believe I'd have my good character smirch with a dick pun. So they're there and they have Roddy brings them some beers and JT is like, I don't care I'd have my good character smirch with a dick pun. So they're there and they're and they get that Roddy brings them some beers and JT's like, I don't care what anyone says about you Roddy You're a good guy. You know Roddy's like who was saying otherwise Supposed to be funny stupid hey, hey, JT JT we should go out sometime really? Really yeah, yeah. Fucking idea.
Starting point is 01:11:46 Stupid. We've got to go up with the old let's hang out time joke. So JT, of course, listen, the only way in this town that people define themselves is by relationships. It's always made me crazy about this show, but it's like, are you gonna get married? Are you not gonna get married? When are you gonna get married? Why are you gonna get married?
Starting point is 01:12:03 Who are you gonna get married to? When are you gonna have children? What are you like? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no She was great. She was great. Great love story. She was English and so we kind of got married so she could get a visa So I mean, maybe it was a little forest and great goes. Yeah, well not a great love story Because yeah, well it wasn't because of the visa but you know when you fall in love with a girl and the government says you break up with her You do what you got to do you man up and you say how are we gonna solve this problem? You know what's all it's like, Craig, like if you were dating some great girl in New York, you wouldn't just say in Charleston, you'd go to New York
Starting point is 01:12:51 because you do what you gotta do to fix the situation, right, Craig? Wait a minute. Well anyway, then she married a scheme structure and Nashville's in the opposite. She's doing great. Okay, and he turns away and looks at the sunset. That's it.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Shep, in case you didn't know, he was a man of privilege. He was, wait, rich Alps, Italian Alps, French Alps, Swiss Alps, God, I love, I have a Charle in each one of them. Oh, let's just stop talking about this. All right, let's do shots. So now, Chef and Craig are alone again. And this is where we get to know the real, the chef really shows himself. You know, we're left for a couple of drinks And this is where we get to know the real,
Starting point is 01:13:27 the chef really shows himself, you know, we're left for a couple of drinks because he's been on his like, wow, I'm so changed and sensitive now. Just look at me, new chef. So you guys, I think in 50, 60 years, like the traditional relationship like our parents had, it's not even gonna be a thing. I mean, girls, won't career since stuff now
Starting point is 01:13:47 I don't know it's all very progressive Like air quote progressive whole girls wanting careers That's this is so embarrassing. Oh my god, so I don't even know why I would be embarrassed for you or why I would even be surprised that he would say that but wow I just think lost in love are two different things lost happens the blink of an eye and doesn't mean much But it's like it's something it's like you shouldn't be hold accountable because you got lost We all have lost just how girls want careers guys have lost. Just how girls want careers. Guys have lost. It's just something that's in us. Oh my God, what a broken person.
Starting point is 01:14:29 So I'm not in a fun way. You know, like, there are fun broken people. I mean, it is Bravo. You know, it's like a cobblestone street of television. It's supposed to be broken. But, don't worry, so he's being phased out.
Starting point is 01:14:41 He's getting like, Shep is getting the Catherine Dennis treatment, which is that he's being introduced like 20 minutes into the episode instead of like at the top of the episode. So I don't know if we're gonna have that Shep that much longer. They're bringing in all the new guys. Yup, you know? So Austin is, you know, now they're talking about,
Starting point is 01:15:00 the girls, you know, Shep getting married. Austin's saying, you know, I think Shep knows you're in love with Taylor JT. Heep knows your love with Taylor, JT. He's trying to turn it now on JT. He's like, but you know what bro, next time don't bring it up. And JT's like, absolutely, but you're the one who's hanging out with his ex.
Starting point is 01:15:14 Yeah, but I've known him for about seven years. So I was a little bit of a little bit of a little bit. That makes it worse. That makes it worse. I mean, look, yeah, do I fall in love with girls who are out of my league? Do the girls leave me and go to various different alps and live a life of luxury and wonderment? Yes, but you, I mean, you've known her for seven years, so the stakes are even higher for you.
Starting point is 01:15:35 And back to Craig and back to Craig and Shab, Shab's like, honestly, I just don't know. I mean, I'll give this 50-50. What can I do? Go back in time and bust through a door. No, I wouldn't be surprised if they look at each other, looked at each other one night and said, let's go for it, no, it's gonna know. And then they just, they did it. All right, you've convinced me. No one likes me anymore.
Starting point is 01:15:58 I just wanted someone to walk past and throw their coat on Chaps' head. Just like completely irrelevant. It's my God. R&D comes by. This is from Miss Patricia. Let's put the coat on his head. So that was it for Southern Charm.
Starting point is 01:16:13 Everyone, thank you so much for being here and listening. Go check out that bonus episode with Taylor Strecker. So much fun. And we are going to catch you on the next episode. Bye, everyone. Bye everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ends with like to think it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.
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