Watch What Crappens - #2176 Southern Charm: The Austen Tea Party

Episode Date: September 29, 2023

JT’s seeds of doubt start growing into a beautiful drama tree on Southern Charm when a game of telephone leads Oliva to confront Taylor about just what did go down between her and Austen.Watch this episode with Crappens on Demand here:  http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, all that crap we love to talk about on Yeal Brawls, on Ronny, that's been over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good. You know, I did remember to press record on our video, which I forgot yesterday. Right. So, sorry to anybody who's dealt with our asses twice this week, not having video, not good, but you know what,

it's very, very happens. This is just that kind of week. Everybody, we're sure love you. Thanks for being here. You can get these videos on patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. So also where you get our bonus episodes, Ben came out of the closet this week,

with a huge revelation. So go check that out in the bonus episode. And gosh, it's been a busy one. Real Housewives of Orange County, two part season finale. Well, for us it was two parts. Season finale. Just a lot of good stuff going on.

What's happening in your personal life today, man? Want to share anything before I have to find it out from Olivia, who found it out from Shep, who found it out from Austin, who found it out from God knows he'll well The first thing that I'm excited to announce is that my film finger finally arrived because I'm gonna be wearing it today And cheering you on on the Jeff Lewis show on serious XM You are by the time this air is at your show probably already did air but for people who did not know about that

Go check that out. You can go find that. I don't know where you find it. Yeah, I should have said that. I'm on the show with the hell. That's OK, but I'm really excited for you and say hi to all of them over there. That's going to be super, super fun. The other thing that I'm excited to announce is that the official word of Southern Charm, this season, is,

so congratulations to, this is a big season for you, because everyone's saying it all the time, repeatedly on camera. I personally blame Olivia. Yeah, Olivia and Taylor are funny additions. They really made them the leads of the season. And I'm, I guess we're yet to see why? But it was a pretty fun episode. And just your background today, Ben's video background is

Taylor's sweater. It looks like his house has been egged. I am actually, I am broadcasting from the half melted mac and cheese that is Taylor's sweater. The shredded serrento cheddar cheese that has partially melted into the goop that needs to then be poured all over the macaroni. This is where I am recording from. It's just not the color.

Okay, it's the color and then a darker color and then the pattern and then the turtleneck sweater of it all. And then the fringe. The fringe is really what pulls it up. The fringe is where it really is looking like half melted shredded cheese, right? Like the cast rolls not done. The mac and cheese has just been pulled out of the oven a little bit too early. It's like just remove one or two elements from the sweater and we'll be fine, but all of it all together. I don't know, I think that Jesus let her stray on this one. I think she-

A lot of Jesus talk. Maybe she just didn't use Jesus the way she, maybe she should have gone to fashion Jesus because she may have just been relying on Catherine Dennis over at Gwynns to help her pick out the sweater. Use a different grouch when it comes to the sweater. Yeah. You're not gonna get the vacated Gwynns to help her pick out the sweater. Use a different grouch when it comes to the sweater. Yeah, you're not gonna get the vacated Gwynns job this way, okay? Yeah.

Or is it a forced vacated spot, whatever. Gwyn is not gonna be hiring Q after this. You're gonna need to get it together. And you're not, listen, you're gonna be Day Chasing for a very long time. You're not gonna get the Gwynns gig with the sweater. Yeah, no, I know that you are representing a brand called day chaser, but it doesn't mean

you have to look like a sad son. So, anyway. I hope your sweater chase is the sun. So closely, the deterrents. Okay, because it's a terrible, terrible sweater. Okay, so here we are with below a deck. I am on Real Housewives of Orange County notes, which isn't going to be very helpful, but the title could still

work. Welcome to the freak show. I mean, we're in a world, guys, you know, and I love when shows can really take us into a whole different world. This is a different world, Charleston. I don't understand really these people. I don't understand where they're coming from. And can I just say we've got two people all sad and crying about Austin? Yeah. What in the fucking world? And Sep, I mean, it's Austin and Sep we're crying about. Are you fucking kidding me? What a world. So we open up with like wacky things happening in Charleston. For instance, Madison doesn't really know how to fold sheets.

So she does that thing where she kind of bundles it together and then does like a soft fold over the bundles. The bundle is folded, but the actual sheets are not inherently folded. So yeah, actually, because of the fucking folding sheets, fuck you sheets, okay? Fuck cotton, in general, fuck cotton.

Guess what I use now, I use bamboo sheets, which they're called bamboo sheets. I got them off Amazon. Me too. They're so delicious. For years now, I just love them. They're so soft. I don't know that they say 100% bamboo,

that is some polyester shit. I don't know what it is. No, it's not wrinkle. It's not wrinkle. Polyester has a that they say a hundred percent bamboo. That is some polyester shit. I don't know what it is No, it's not wrinkle polyester has a different feeling to it for sure like I've gotten Polyester before and they're like that's something I don't believe that it's all natural bamboo I don't believe it, but it is something it's something very unnatural But also very lovely because you don't have to fold it. You know what bundle it out mad is saying I bought expensive Expensive sheets in the past, and they were nice. But then I bought these from Amazon, and they're like,

this is wonderful. I'm obsessed with my bamboo shoots. But I agree, they're definitely not. It's definitely not bamboo. I mean, it's little bit of bamboo. I just don't believe it. So I believe that those are 100% bamboo. The same way I believe that Madison is the

town Martha Stewart, okay? Because she's really playing that one too hard. Yeah. But that being said, I'm doing laundry. Hold on, later, I'm gonna open the front door and I'm gonna do something to the steps. Spoiler alert, I don't wanna even tell you what it is.

Y'all have to wait and say, okay? It's a mystery line. Martha's gonna have to wait and see. But in the meantime, I'm gonna go weigh some valuable space in my wardrobe by folding these sheets getting in unkempt way. Okay. So, yeah, that was me shaming you Ronnie

for folding your sheets like that because you're wasting so much space. You could be having such a more compact, no, folding situation. You don't know, I didn't tell you my whole situation. How I do it, you really wanted to know, are you just gonna mock? Of course.

This is an episode about fabric, okay? The background of my box here on Crafts on Demand necessitates that we talk about fabric wherever we can today. I know everyone's daring to hear how I take care of my sheets. So here we go, that's a buckle up. So what I do is I kind of, you know, do what she did.

I do like Shannon, Shannon having an argument where she like gets her hands and she does this with the sheets, like karate chopping, but in a circular motion. Okay, I do that with the sheets until they're all, you know, all the right pillowcases, the body pillowcase, everything that's gonna be included, I have four different pillows, different textures,

a body pillow, yeah, I get it all together, all the colors that I want, cause I have different colors for different moods. Okay, I get all those together in a package and then I use one of the King pillow cases and I shove it all in the King pillow case so it's packaged and you can see when you're going to make your bed. Oh, this is the C-foam cream outfit for my bed. It even fits the comfort recover and I put those all in and I stack the pillow cases

next to each other in my closet. So when you see them in my closet, you see a row of sacks that are the sheets you're going to be able to use. And it's a whole outfit for the pad. That's fun. That's fun. It is. Yeah.

Well, I'm excited for you in that system. So, thank you, Shameer. Okay. So then we're going to have to shame your sheets. I'm shaming the way that they will not stack nice and compact. No, I'm really bad at that. I can't even fold things the same size when they're my shirts. Nothing's correct.

You're correct in that way. I'll give you that sheet, shame. You know what? I'm not shaming your method. I'm shaming your execution because you could still have your method, but you could execute it in a flatter way, okay? But you know whatever works, whatever works. We are in the south. So Taylor is on the phone with Austin and we see him in bed and I think a close-up of a bar that's in his bedroom. Am I getting this right? I, when I look at Austin, I just, I just basically try to take in as few things,

few details of the surrounding as possible, although I did see, I did pick up on a detail that I'll mention later in the episode. So I don't know, there probably was why that happened. It's not this wide open. Yeah, it really is. He's, yeah, mumbled more every day. He's gonna have to say that. I'm sorry, would you say as I roll, he's m-muppeting more every day. Can I also say though? I'm sorry, would you say as I roll around? He has a world. He has a world where he opens up and things swirl into it. We'll vote.

Uh, fish. Uh, I do have to say though, we're really mean to Austin. Well, everybody I guess, but especially Austin, oh, I just whistled into the phone. Oh, God, I've always wanted that to be my gay. Um, why are you just like J.C. Just ordered for poppy seed. and then I just got a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a out of everybody I think. I love the exterior. I love the darks. It's a nice little house. Craig's house is turning out very nicely too, but this is like a whole thing, you know. So anyway, the point is that Austin's terrible.

I don't know if we actually articulated that, but we can just get right to that. He's terrible. So he's waking up in a terrible way as usual. And so he calls Taylor and he's like, what are you doing? And she's like, I'm hung over. I have a bit of anxiety,

which is hanging over anxiety, I guess. So she's gonna come over, she's gonna go to Austin's place because he's hired an IV service to hydrate them. Maybe it's no mad MD, not sure, but one can help. So does Austin have a job yet? I mean, I know drop off. I know we're supposed to pretend that that's selling. But I mean, needs some Southern charm. But I don't know. I feel like I think he was I think

he was a hire to be a financial analyst for a local investment firm in town. Just kidding. I think that of his that's belly button. I have a friend who works for one of these IV places. And that should be expensive. I was going to support big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, So they're gonna hang out. So Venita is Face Timing Charles probably to invite Olivia to a suaray. And Venita is like, the dress is dress casual. And Olivia is like, your dress casual is my prom night. Yeah. That's great. It's a great moment for everyone. So then we go to JT's apartment, which is actually the messiest of all of the,

his apartment looks actually like a very large, nice apartment, but it's a shit hole, because everything is everywhere, and he's being funny, he's like, Siri, get me out, Phil. And then he's like taking pills, he's like, please hurry. And then we see that he's actually a diabetic,

because he's taken out the thing to test his finger, his blood sugars, and he's doing the... I was hoping that we were all finally coming out of the closet with heroin use on brafo But I was typing these wine Just die, diabetes as Brett Michaels would say he's got the diabetes So he facetimes his mom bunny Which is funny because like his mom literally looks like a bunny and I'm not saying that in a way like a mocking way Like she just sort of looks like a bunny and like her ears are just without the ears

It's him just has isn't there another mom named bunny on this show isn't Austin's mom named bunny Homa Austin Crow mom is probably a lot of pretty sure someone's It's probably that girl ever caught up caught up like as a name as a name Wendy Yeah, don't you have a girl would be like a good Southern nickname Surprise that you ever caught up caught up at like as a name as a name Wendy Yeah, don't you think durable would be like a good Southern nickname. Hi, Charibault Southern charm mom bunny. I'm gonna see Mama bunny Southern charm boutique. No chef rose his relationship with

Patricia Alstel? Nope, that's not it. Okay, I don't think there's a lady named Bunny. Glad you guys all tuned in. Let's continue with the show. Can I tell, it's just one of those days. Can I say, can I tell you a real story? A little bit about Bunny.

Yeah, I just feel like sharing it. My friend and I back in the 2000s, you know, up and coming writers in Hollywood, we're always looking for a gig. And we had like a chance to pitch like a horror movie, which is funny because I hate horror. I'm scared of everything. And we were like, we had a chance to pitch a horror movie to this director. And so we pitched this whole stupid slasher movie and he's like, no man, he's like, he's like, I wanted to be like, like, it's like a woman, but like, she's like alone, but she's

like feeling erotic, but she's like nervous and her roommate's gone. And there's a, there's this old film called repulsion. And he basically wanted to do a version of repulsion. It's like a Roman Blansky movie, artsy from the 60s. And we're like, okay, so we made up, we made this really good slasher movie. And he didn't like it because it wasn't pretentious enough. We're like, let's come up with literally the most ridiculous art house pretentious bullshit horror story that barely makes any sense. But it has so many things that don't make sense. And we'll just pitch it like it is actually the most artful and horrible thing.

And it was basically about a woman who like spends a weekend alone in her roommate's house. And while she's there, she has traumatic flashbacks to a dog of her childhood that terrorized her and the dog was named Bunny. And we're like, yeah, because it's a dog, but it's named Bunny. So it's like really nice, because it's called Bunny. But it's a dog, the dog that got the director loved it.

He loved it. There was a dog named Bunny. So when we talk about Bunny, it just makes me think of pretentious as directors falling for stupid shit. I don't know if that story was worth it, but it felt good to tell it. You can say what?

Can't believe that movie didn't get made. I'm saying that with it. I really can't believe it. But they loved it. It was gonna get made. I'm saying that, but I really can't believe it. But they loved it. It was gonna get made. And then he got, and then he was like, he got pulled off to do some other thing, but like for a moment our movie,

and we called it Bunny too, by the way. Our movie about a dog named Bunny, almost was. Yeah. Well, I've got breaking news, everybody. Or news flash, Ben's favorite term. News flash. Guess what? I got a news flash guess what I got the mother the mother on Bravo whose name is money Ben is gonna fail that

well both of us failed this this what do you call it charades not charades test trivial pursuit we both failed this answer it is Leah McSweeney's mother. Of course. Done. How did we not remember that? We're idiots. Both of us. Okay, so JT is now, listen, it wouldn't be this house if there wasn't someone who had a super creepy relationship with their mom. So let's jump into this Benny scene with JT and Benny, his mommy who, listen, I call my mommy occasionally, but not 20 times a minute, okay? He's like, Mommy, hi, Mommy. Mommy, I feel great, Mommy, I'm lying to you. I have too much fun with the boys yesterday, Mommy,

and she goes, honey, you're doing that tall thing. Could you just put the, put the phone, you know, at your face level, because he's doing that thing or he puts a phone down on the counter, so he looks like Gargantuan, the phone. She's like, okay, Hagrid, okay, you look really big. Put the phone to your mama,

can see your beautiful face. Okay. And so she's like, how are ya? And he's like, oh, I feel great. I'm lying to you. She's like, I can tell something was quite right. I'm like, funny sense, if you will. And he's like, yeah, I had too much fun with the boys.

So, you know, I'm a little sensitive. Yeah, well, you know what? Alcohol and diabetes do not mix. Neither does alcohol, but short man, not as much place to put all the booze. Okay. So it's not good for your health. Should be fair, Benny, not much mixes with diabetes. Okay.

I don't think I don't think I've ever heard someone say, oh, you know what? X mixed with diabetes. That makes us great with diabetes. You know what goes great with diabetes? Likresh. Like I've never heard anything. You know what, Likresh could go all of that. No, we care.

I'm very bad. So he's like, I'm in fact, a mama's boy. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. Now diabetes one can be a desens, but my mommy took care of me and is still the discipline in M disciplining me to still be here. But you know what? You got to have fun too.

And you got to have fun. And then sometimes you got to sort it out in the morning and hope your mommy can't tell. But guess what? She always does. Why? We told her. She can always tell when you tell her. You literally called her to tell on She'll tell on your cell.

So she's like, well, what's going on in addition to that? Because the store is born already. And he's like, well, the event space is almost done. I mean, what an amazing mommy son project. I couldn't have done it without you, mommy. And she's like, yeah, sure, I couldn't have. But I could have done it without you. That's the funny part.

I'm established in my career. Anyway, it's a space unlike anything they've seen in Charleston. It's amazing. And he tells us his mom bunny is the top designer in the DC area. And she showed him the ropes. And we see his event space the before the after. And I mean, it looks fine and everything. It looks nice. I will say there are a lot of places like it in the Charleston area. Okay. Yeah. It's exactly like everywhere in the Charleston area. Which is a great place. It's pretty dirty.

It's my pretty pitch. Unlike my movie pitch bunny, it was not very unique. So, hey bunny, this designs a real dog. Okay. Okay. God, I can't believe that movie didn't get made. God, I really, it's what it was.

It would have been a really good alley shitty vehicle. So, um. Literally any movie would have been a good one. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry to our listeners. I'm so sorry to all our new listeners who came in from the Jeff Lewis show that I had to stop the entire podcast

until that funny story. Like I realized it had no payoff. No payoff. It's a story. Yeah, they're the same listeners. Okay. It's the same. Okay, so JT, they're used to this already.

So JT's like, yeah, you know, I also had a lot of beer. It was a good, oh, it's a vent space. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, who cares? So JT's like, you know what? And also, we just bought the largest Airbnb in Charleston right down the street. So my core business is a collection of downtown Charleston Airbnb's and that is why a couple of years ago, I made Charleston my home. And as we all know Airbnb does stand for air bunny and bunny.

So, um, that's when that's when I play basketball in the backyard with Bunny. I really got a jump on her. I didn't want to make some fennelies. Why Bunny's can't jump? So Bunny is like, hey. Hey, someone.

Bunny, your bunny's. I'm sorry. But hey, someone wants to say hi to you. someone your bennies Hey someone wants to say hi to you and he's like don't tell me with pop-a-seed. Oh my god It's my girlfriend poppy seed. How's me danger last week poppy seed and Then he's like yeah, he does like that. He does that cartoon whistle like with the vibrato in it We're like Only Michigan J Frog can do This you know what I just hate him for the dog because you know the dog is like fuck off

You know I finally get some alone time with bunny and now here comes you and your stupid fucking whistle get out of here Go back to your Airbnb. We don't need you here. Oh, God poppy C There's no wonder you're named after an opiate because guess what? I'm addicted to you. Kisses to the phone. Buh-buh-buh. And mommy's like, you know, it's a rainy day in Virginia today.

So we're sitting around the fire and he goes, oh, I would do anything right now to be in Virginia on a rainy day with poppy C. The muleppin' and my mommy to give me all the opera proffins I need all day. Nice mommy snack plates. This is grossing me out at this point. Is it Chef Kim?

This is Chef Kim, isn't it? This is, we get it. You guys are casting only men, children, but this is creepy. This is starting to turn like fetishy for me and I don't like it. He's like, I wish I could teleport. Gosh, that looks so good. Home! I'm like, just get into a car at this point.

You can do it. Literally, your airbnb's will be fine. Okay. In South Carolina, she's in Virginia. It's like, get into helicopter. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial. Watch what crapens and winter is crappening are the funniest recap podcasts.

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Follow Ghost Story wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on October 23rd or you can binge early and at free on Wondery Plus the same day. Hello, she was the original great Falls Innovator on Bravo, so don't try to take it from her, okay? Oh yeah, he's like, just imagine the perfect childhood, two loving parents, a bustling stream behind our house, a nature conservancy, so if I wanted to shoot Peyton Balls at my little brother who still holds a grudge, a nice lap on a bunny that I could sit on while a twirled hair on a woman named Bunny.

Hashtag Mama Plates. By the way, don't shoot paintballs in a nature conservancy. That's not what the nature conservancy does not, you don't want to put paint in the nature conservancy. But it is so Southern Charm to like go out of your way to say fuck you nature conservancy. Like I'm even gonna do a monologue about how I shoot paintballs in a nature conservancy.

But like this was a very uncomfortable backstory for me because I'm used to now Real House House of New York, which has been on the air for a few months. And every backstory is like tinged with abuse and neglect and sadness and poverty. And he's like, I had the best childhood and I had a mom and a dad And I played in nature and I was like and then one day and then one day We got a new car and it was better than the last car. I'm like and then

Unfortunately, I'm bravo. He's like and then unfortunately and Unfortunately, we had to go on vacation and there was just too good of a vacation to do it just one. So we did it three times. Guys, really loving this Bravo show about privilege. We're gonna need some trauma here though. So maybe just next time. Okay, we got a guy.

We got to give it to him, JD. JD, give him your mom along. He's like I Am not in my mommy's lap right now I looked down at my mama plate and it was just a napkin I put up for myself So then we go to the east bay nail Spot where Craig is getting a manicure and he's asking the lady if he can have one finger blue and clear on his toes, which is his vibe. And so the chef comes in and he's like, hey, Craig, it's me, Chef.

Hey, whoa, so this is your Shangri-la, huh? Yeah, oh, Chef, oh, sorry Kreg, I know you didn't understand that reference. Hey, little lady there in the tub. I don't have bad feet, but I got cracked heels, that okay? She's like, are your toes, are your nails and grim? No, I got them removed. Oh, God, thank God, we don't have to fix that.

We had Thomas Ravinellen here the other day And wow talk about a lot of yellow down there What did he get color and clear? I tell you what I now I don't want that because the woman's place is in the kitchen with colored nails Okay, not her mans a man's place is to have very clear Okay, not a man's, a man's place is to have very clear unpolllished nails because I'm going festin hunting tomorrow. Like a man would do and I don't want anyone painting anything around me.

Yeah, don't paint my toenails because I'm going festin hunting and I'm doing a barefoot. So like one thing has nothing to do with the other, but I love that. I'm also out of the direction of the place. I think that they say Shangri-La, is it? Isn't it Shangri-La? Isn't it Shangri-La?

He's like, this is your Shangri-La. He's such a weird guy. He's a Shangri-La instead of Shangri-La. There's Shangri-La, yeah, like angry-La. Like a David E. Kelly show. Angry-La. Well, that's a lot of people when I was in law school. I specialize in Shangri-La so

uh crazy how are you better not tell me that festins are getting jobs these days They are they're working at sewing down south so um They are they're working it sewing down south so Craigs how are you feeling? Oh? Yesterday gosh was insane the whole implication that Austin and Taylor were more than just friends Oh, that's like telling me there's a a fesson that hasn't been shot yet. It's unacceptable I was really getting to me. It's like I can tell it's getting to you But please you're hitting my face with your knees It's unacceptable. I was really getting to me. It's like, I can tell it's getting to you,

but please, you're hitting my face with your knees. And he starts doing the chef, like, it's like, starts swimming in his mind. It's like, oh, it's like when my dog goes to sleep and starts having an app that he's chasing another dog. I was like, there's blue water splashing all over this nail slotted, and his feet are like, so Craig's like, yeah, you know, like it's just like Austin is like

sitting here while he's telling that story. Yeah. And then we cut to Austin and Austin's like, well, ah, oh, uh, like wise, wise wide tongue moving all over, biting every part of his face. I mean, Austin wouldn't hold up in an interview room if he was accused of a crime. I mean, if I were a juror, I would not be inclined to find a medicine. Let's put it that way, guilty.

What's your level of certainty that Austin and Taylor, that nothing happened between them? Yeah, well, I'll tell you this. I know multiple girls that I used to date that he went and slept with after. And she was like, so do I. Remember Chelsea. OK, you weren't really dating Chelsea first, first of all. Second of all, you guys have all dated each other's girlfriends.

Yeah. That's Charleston. And you say that's how the town is set up. Now, that is the last time I'm gonna say anything in favor of Austin, because of course Austin, totally being Taylor, don't you think? I think so, and I do think that this is, like, I can totally see this as being a pattern with Austin.

So, a chef is like, yeah, Charleston and I were hanging out and I love for that weekend, and he moved right in. I was like, well, says Shep who has literally done the same thing about 12 times over. And he's like, there's a history of Austin wanting what I have and sometimes it feels personal. It's almost like toys in the sandbox. I want the toy you have. Well, there's three toys. No, Pierce. Hey, I want a day Kelsey ballerini. Um, isn't Shep the one accused of going tovis and box and trying to put his hands all over toys? Okay, no, that's the best example for you to be able to get.

Chef, that's why membership got so jealous when Craig won this Liberty auction with Kelsey Miller. Yes. And like really like some like every season there's something worship is incredibly jealous. Yeah. When Craig gets some sort of attention. Yeah. So, and Austin does have a sickness though, I will say. Austin has some weird illness where he needs to date people on TV

and then completely ghosts them to start the cameras or down. And it's really, really bad. And then all these fake relationships start piling up. I don't know, that guy's does seem like kind of a sicko, but he does. But, you know, by's does seem like kind of a sicko, but he does But you know by the way it doesn't have to be either or they Yes

Chef is jealous of other people's toys, but Austin is too. They all are they're all children in the sandbox They're all throwing sand at each other and whatever pieces of people have found the way they're way in there too Also, I think maybe describing your girlfriend's stories might be kind of the reason that nobody ever keeps one. On the show, just putting that out there. Not the half-kick point. That's a good point. So Austin's at home.

What, either, but you know. Austin's at home and he's taking pills, drinking green juice. And so Taylor comes over. And so it's just funny because the place is a shithole. And Austin and Taylor are talking in his room, and there's like a little door under the staircase that maybe leads to a closet or maybe to a garage, but either way, it probably leads to some musty-ass,

Austin space, and there's a little sign over it that says, follow your dreams. This sign is not appropriate for this household. There's nothing about being an Austin's house that says you are following your dreams. Yeah. Follow your trust. Follow your trust account. So Austin's love is like, how are you doing? And she's like, I'm fragile. I'm pretty hung over. And I've he sounds amazing. And he's like, wait, wait, wait, why are you fragile? Why are you fragile Taylor? And she's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait and you have to love Jesus. I love when people get all-hollowed rolling while they're getting shit-faced at bars.

Man, so I know comedy is in rules of threes, but I think for dating, let's maybe do rules of sevens to 20s. I don't know, I feel like maybe we should swap out something. Maybe one rule should be treated with respect. Maybe one rule should be treated with respect, maybe one rule should be, um, doesn't have enormous, uh, like, hand syndrome. I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud here. Mmm. Love Jesus. That's my favorite one. Kind of like this girl. I mean, you dated Shep. I guess this rule came after Shep, right?

That's when you start making those rules. I see everything that's not. Good luck, Jewish people. You're not getting Taylor. Pretty much. Yeah. So Austin and Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists. Yeah, pretty much. So Austin's like, how do you know he loves Jesus?

Did you ask him if he loves Jesus? He goes, yeah. He's like, okay, okay. And you really did that. So yeah, and he's like, you know, I really like you, but I have so much going on. And he's like, you know what, you should just run, run for the hills. And I'm like, what?

My God, poor Taylor, you hear that all the time. Chef told you that for three years and you didn't think it was weird. I just feel bad that I know she had some issues with trying to recognize red flags, but what happens when like she's not even given a red flag, she's what is, she's just given a path that says go away and she's like, I don't know, I think I still might like him.

Honey, he does like Jesus though. I don't know. I think I still might like him. Yeah. Funny. He does like Jesus though. Hmm. So she's even wearing a sweatshirt that says Folly Beach, which is so funny, because it's like, she can't even, her sweatshirt can't even take her seriously. So Folly Beach. Yeah, Taylor is like, I'm just so confused right now.

I'm like, okay, so I guess I might need your therapy person's numbers. You don't even know what a therapist is. Yes, you need a number and not Austin's. Yeah. I don't know who Austin's therapist is, but they should probably be fired and barred from the profession. I can tell you this much. They're wearing a full face poncho. Poncho. They're fresh from the Gallagher Tribute Concert. All right. They have a stack of towels next to their chair.

I can tell you. They're wearing their made of the mist blue poncho. They're like, oh, I'm so glad of another use for this. They bring a tight stick to work. Okay. So Austin's like, my therapist is fucking expensive, Taylor. I was like, okay, this, you know what? They're actually very smart because they are fleecing Austin from lots of money and they're not actually

doing any therapy on them. So that's pretty good. Yeah. So the IV people come over and do their whole spiel and then they put on eye patches. They're doing that. And so they're talking about last night and Austin's like, you know, last night Taylor Ray was just awkward Taylor. We were fucking awkward Taylor. And he's like, because you know, let's just say, what did you say? You were talking about a lot. Okay. It was me. It was Craig, it was Shep, it was JT. And then Roddy Boy, Roddy Boy, met us later. And last night, JT told Shep that you spent the night there

and that you spent the night here, and Craig asked JT if our relationship was appropriate. Meanwhile, the nurses have buckets out and they're just catching Austin's spit to fill up a new IV bag. Like, well, waste not want not. His therapist is doing like spit block paintings. you're just catching Austin's spit to fill up a new IV bag. Like, well, waste not want not. His therapist is doing like spit block paintings. They're just like holding that poster board

in front of their face. And I like, okay, look at the spit and tell me what shape you see. Austin, we're only having to do this because we want to see if you can actually say a Rorschach without coating this couch with saliva. By the way, did you notice that Austin had a pillow with an octopus on it? I did not.

He had a white pillow with a blue octopus on it. And I want you to hold that thought. This will have a better payoff to the bunny story. Okay. I think, maybe not. So, yeah, so they're talking about, yeah, like last night's crazy night. And I was like, yeah, last night like JT told Shep that you spent the night here and then Craig asked JT if our relationship is appropriate. And Taylor's like, what the fact is JT know about sleepovers? I mean, he can't

even reach the top bunk. Women can have like really close guy friends. That's like, okay. Yeah. I mean, it's like, well, we don't have to defend our jobs. And she goes, yeah, like we're single and people have the right to do whatever the hell we want, okay? And Jeb did whatever the hell he wanted and he wasn't single half the time. I mean, okay. But that's still supposedly your best friends. I mean, look, this is also, we're really having to give them the, the, what

do you call that, or you just believe anything to go through a story? No, suspension of disbelief. suspension of disbelief. Yes, we're really having to do that with this show because Austin and Olivia were never dating. And so this all this crying and hand-ringing over someone being with someone that Olivia was so serious with you guys were not serious what are you talking about he never took you seriously on the show you fought the entire way through the reunion even though nothing had happened and then you said that you had dated like one week before he goes to do listen there are all on a merry-go-round of slime and I just can't have the moral outrage about it anymore

they're all going to they're all. They're all getting on the ride. They're all getting their jollies. I'm just here to watch see what happens even in breaks an arm. So it's just she came on pretending to date Austin to get on the show, which I get. You know, it's a right of passage on these shows. But now this other guy, this other roti guy is coming on and doing the same thing with her. And I'm like, how much do we have to believe on this show? You know? Okay, go ahead. There. I've got it off my chest. Good. No, that's good. It's important.

So, um, uh, I was like, people just like try to get to the bottom of it. And Taylor was like, I mean, that's why I didn't tell anyone about crashing here. Also, like, it's so embarrassing to think that I crashed here because now people are gonna think I have less. So I knew people would be like, oh, Austin and Taylor, and I wouldn't even bring that up to Olivia because I wouldn't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Like, she's with Austin.

I don't think being uncomfortable is great as she fell of the earth. She is kissed Austin, okay. And both of those are the most uncontrollable mouths. I've ever seen. They're both very uncomfortable Hers she chooses he chooses she chooses their mouth up and he can't keep his mouth closed I mean, could you imagine that make out? So did you notice while Taylor was talking they had to splice all of her words together to make a sentence? I didn't but I believe it because they also had to splice all of her words together to make a sentence. I didn't, but I believe it because... They also had to do it with Olivia later. It's like they can't... I think they taught...

Like, this... She has to splice. Telegram talk. She's like... Here is my best stop. I didn't want to... Anyone? No. I spent the night here. They're like, Austin and Steve.

She's like a dot matrix printer. Brr. Brr. Brr. Brr. So Austin's like, yeah, but you can't bring that up to her. OK, I really hope that that doesn't happen. Which, yeah.

I wrote, he's going to tell. Austin's going to tell. They beat you to it, buddy. Yeah. So now, Vanita, she's gonna tell, Austin's gonna tell. And they beat you to it, buddy. Yeah. So now, Vanita, she's hosting a little gathering, so she's making a nice backyard, she's making punch, people get put on their makeup, Olivia is coming over to, Olivia goes over to Taylor's house.

Ah-ha, pay attention. Olivia goes to Taylor's house and she goes up to Taylor's room. And what is on Taylor's wall? There's a little poster and the posters of The same blue octopus that's on Austin's pillow. Wow There, oh, so you think that's like the Eric. Do you think that's their like lightning from the scandal ball? It could be or it could just be a generic design that people like these days, like the gold pineapple

is a target, because I think I've seen them around. But I still, I just wanna say, the octopus spotted it in two locations. So, yeah. That's big. That's huge. It's huge. I'm wearing another packing, but it's still huge.

My octopus leecher. Okay. So I feel like now I should go back and confirm there was an octopus on Austin's bed, but you know, I'm gonna stick to it I'm gonna propose this theory and then you know everyone could correctly Okay, well let me tell you something what I noticed in Madison's closet when Madison was taking selfies in her closet for Amazon. First of all, really nice closet. It's amazing. It's like a door room. And she's got these glass cases where you see her outfits hanging. Like she'll have one outfit to show it off in the glass case. And one of them was little

orphan Annie's costume from Annie. So was that me? I don't know. You put it together. I think that means that Annie is all his hair. No, I'll tell you what it means. It means that Annie was born for corn. Thank you Lord from Corn. That's what we call it my house. Tomorrow, tomorrow, for us. For us. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love corn. Tomorrow, you're only a stalk away. Commissions, here comes one right now.

So, Penelope is Taylor's dog and Penelope is in a diaper because she's having her, Olivia's like, hey, Penelope, I can grout some being a woman now. Spay your dogs, spay and neuter your dogs. I thought that's what I need to call Bob Barker up here. I thought that's what that meant. I thought that's what I mean to call Bob Barker up here. You need to pay new to your pets. Was the diaper, so at this point, I'm sorry, because she says later on that the dog is basically

in heat. I thought the diaper meant that she just got spayed. Does that mean that she's in heat? It means she's in heat. Yeah, I think it's her girl time. Is there like, I have a question though, because I don't know about dog stuff as well, but like, is there like a window before you're allowed to do the spang?

Or is this an example of improper? Is spang your dog? You can do it fairly early. Is this anti-Jesus? Is it anti-Jesus to spang your dog? Is it like, it's not God's will. They're like, if you give your dog any kind of birth control, you can go to prison.

It's like, oh, the South. Oh, you're doing great, the South. By the way, can we have a, okay, really quick question. What's the worst dog name? Penelope Charles or Poppy Seed? Or I should say what's the best? Let's be, let's be pop. Let's be nice.

The nicest one is Penelope. Second is Charles. Third is Poppy. Poppy sees just terrible. What do you think? Poppy seed is so bad that I actually feel like I like it the most in its own word way, because it's a, the fact that it's not just Poppy.

The fact that it's Poppy seed, I the fact that it's Poppy's seed, I like the rhythm of it, but it is the worst. It's the worst and the best for me. And it's not really a human name. Poppy's seed. But it could be because I knew a girl named Poppy and one of my best friends, you know? And so that's a person,

but then you bring seed into it. I was like, oh, it's a dog's name now. So, you know, I feel like they're at least making some kind of an effort. Penelope is like, what's that about, Seed? That's a little slutty bitch. Oh. So Vanita is talking to Charles, her scene partner.

And she's like, Charles, I love an excuse to make a table. It's so cute and dainty. That's who I am. I'm so proud of my table. And then Madison comes over and says, Oh my God, you're just like Allison Kornorland out here. Looks beautiful.

Good job, girl. Kornorland. Wonderful. Hey, it's just like Allison Korn out here. That's amazing. Welcome to Santa E. T. Peter. The other corn makes one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn.

One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn.

One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn.

One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn, one corn. One corn. One corn. One corn, one corn. One corn. One corn. One corn. One corn. One corn. comes over and she's like the need is like the quintessential southern bell from her aesthetic to way she hosts which I love I've got kerosene lived through her because I would never wear lily poets or anything like that but it looks beautiful on her I mean what I of course what I would like to see her in is some sort of fluorescent green man keeny and holding a sign outside of a public trying to get people in but I guess they can't all be my employees. I mean you want to

talk about quintessential southern it was what Le be my employees. I mean, you want to talk about quintessential Southern. It was what Leva just said. I mean, quintessential Southern belt, just sitting all over somebody while you're pretending to compliment them. Wow, love her style. I mean, I would never wear it. I'm really Pulitzer, but God, she looks great in it. So Madison's like, OK, well, anything made.

And that was like, yeah, we're like planning this thing up next week for Taylor. And my office is like a blowing up about it. Like, are you do this? You do that. You're day chasers. Okay, who the fuck is this day chasers? And why are they shoving it down our throat?

And are they funding this entire season? Cause this is ridiculous now. I just am looking forward to seeing Joy Marbles trying to like try to show for day chasers. Day chasers, this is like the best alcohol. It's like low in calorie and like huge inflator and I just wanted to do a great job for Leva. It's like thanks Joey. So Leva is basically saying that Taylor, you know, they should just like be rallying around her because she's younger and it's like she's kind of like hitting her first breakup and it's like that first real breakup where it just like really destroys you and she's

like it's been a, of course, been a long time since I've had Maya first breakup because I'm in a wonderful relationship with Lamar and I have a child who I make cookies with and sassently when you don't see me. But I remember what it felt like when I had a break. I would have felt like everyone was against me and like what side is everyone taking, all those terrible feelings. Yeah, I think she needs to hear that from you,

Madison, because I mean, you dated Austin, so you know what pain is, you know? And Madison's like, and of course, Faneeta, we can't hear it from you because no one takes a girl and a little, a littlely pull it seriously, you know what pain is, you know? I'm at it at the same time. Well, and of course, if Anita, we can't hear it from you because no one takes a girl and a little lily pull it seriously, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, she's like, I would ask you, love her, but no one needs to know about your boyfriend in Canada.

Okay, yeah, we're all buying that one. We're all buying that one. All right, take it over, Madison. Madison's like, well, I knew that those are age friends and they're gonna leave his friends. They started his friends, they're gonna leave friends friends I told myself right at the very beginning of that relationship I said Madison don't go chase on Wonder Corn okay stick to the suck of cash that you're used to. So she's like, I think if anyone can understand crazy, it's me.

And we see clips of her being like, you're a beta, you're a pussy. Just don't answer. And then it cuts back to her and she's like, things have changed. I think Martha Stewart now. Although I sometimes when I go to a Chinese restaurant this are me baby corn, I do call it baited corn. So they all love each other's dresses because Taylor and Olivia arrive. So there's a lot of like, is this a little touch up?

Woo, oh my god, you look great. Oh my god, you look so good, you look so good, law. So they, Olivia gives, Olivia and Taylor give so good, Lord. So the Olivia gives, Olivia and Taylor give a toy to Charles. So Charles loves that, which is funny because Bueller was just on screen earlier with a toy and I feel like Bueller rarely has a toy on crap, it's on demand.

Oh, is that pink? Is the pink thing, yeah. There it is. It's the green oscarus. Yeah, it's a gift from his cousin. Is that new too? Yeah, it's new. Bueller is a troll. And that it's a gift from his cousin. Is that new too? Yeah, it's new. He'll use it.

Yeah. And that's having a new toy. So Taylor Taylor's like, yeah, we brought something for you and Charles. And for me to go, is it a dildo? Now start laughing. So Taylor's like, well, I would have brought Kenny, but it's her time. So months, we should have puppies soon with they would have puppies which are just just a spicy get all together. But she's like we would have puppies if I brought Penelope

over and Vinita's like oh no, but Charles doesn't have a ding dong. Oh my god. So no one on this show really understands spaying our new dream. They did not cut off the ding dong. I know. So the mask is like well, where'd she learn that from being a slut? And Taylor's like, well, not for me, not for the mama, not for me. So there's like, they look at the, that, that, Vanita unveils all the food and everything's nice. And then they're like gossiping and math and it's like, who's dating who? What's happening?

So Olivia tells the story, which actually got me mad not at Olivia But it made me mad at Austin because I believe every single second of it So she says well in uncomfortable news. I was at sharehouse as opposed to warehouse Which is where Taylor was because apparently we only go to bars and restaurants that are sound like warehouse and sharehouse After a long day of shopping at the food of the shoe warehouse And that long day of shopping at the shoe warehouse. That was kind of a good deal. And by the way, spoiler alert, the next scene is gonna be Craig at a warehouse.

So anyway, I was at a shoe warehouse and a little while back with this guy, I was just like casually seeing him and then like all of a sudden another tall figure approached and it was Austin and he was like, well hello Olivia, funny seeing you here making out with a random guy at a bar. I was like, uh, Austin would 100% say that I believe this 100% so gross.

He is. And Olivia's like, and he goes, oh, yeah, by the way, I'm Austin. He like shook the guy's hand. And he said, oh, never took you for a triple A type because it's a baseball player, guys. I should believe Austin the same guy. I was wrong with this guy. What a monster. And then of course it cuts to Madison, which is funny.

And I was like, oh, that was a slime moved by the editors, but then they actually just fully address it. Madison's like, yeah, that's a trigger for him baseball players. So was yours dating, J. Lowe also? No. Oh, okay. I guess that was just me hitting at that level. Okay. So they're all laughing and love is like, oh, by the way, I'm a busy person who doesn't

dress like an idiot. No offense, Vinnie, that didn't mean you. So by the way, Madison, your party was beautiful. Can we get to the fight? Because I've been here five minutes. So I'm to go. Yeah. So, you know, they're talking about basically Taylor's like, yeah, that um, so it was like trying

to have a conversation with Craig, but it all happened. It happened so quickly. And then we see a flashback of Craig yelling at Taylor. Yeah. And if it need us like, well, before you got here, we were talking about how you're acting different than you normally do. And, uh, Madison's like, thank you for me. You said completely opposite of how it went the other day. Okay. I love this, like Madison trying to be nice, because the whole time they were leading up

to this, they kept saying things like, guys, we really need to be nice to Taylor, because this was our first relationship. It just cuts to Madison, like shr saying things like, guys, we really need to be nice to Taylor, because this was our first relationship. It just got some Madison like shrugging and kind of rolling her eyes. So she's really trying. Do you care about the acid? Yeah, just, okay, let's pretend we're at a movie theater and you're,

I want popcorn and I order it. And instead of being popcorn, you're hot dog. Don't do that. Just be popcorn. So I should do the exact opposite of what I want to do. So you're saying I should be worshiping the devil. Is that what you're saying? So math is like, okay, okay, okay.

Woman to woman Taylor. Okay, I've been in your situation. Okay, but not as much of a dumb way as you. Those guys are thickest thieves, okay? And dating Austin, I knew from the beginning that they were no longer my friends. I mean, they weren't my friends in the first place, but potentially they were my friends, and then they were definitely not my friends. And they were going to talk to you about me and have everything that Austin did. And I remember it hurtin' because it just, it wasn't just that I had to mourn my

relationship with Austin, but I had to mourn my relationship with Craig to put it simply. I was mourn for corn. I was mourn for corn. mourn for corn. So Taylor is like, yeah, that's just what happened at your party. I'm and then we see a clip of her crying and going, you used to be friends, dude. Madison's like, yeah, I've been there. Now here's the thing. I would not let them make fun of your reactions anymore because that's what they were doing they're going behind your back and they're making fun of your your reactions the biggest burn is let them go back and talk about wow how good Tyler is doing I just saw Taylor she looked like a runny egg that's how she was doing great I think she's moved on Taylor's's telling a limited edition start up alcoholic beverage in a small club in the South. Make him jealous. And Taylor is looking not happy, but she's

like, I'm not going up again. I will go up against Craig. He's stupid. I'm not going up against Madison. You know, so she's like, ah, you're right. And so they just keep going and love us like, yeah, I mean, I think you're better than that. Like if you're going to get emotional, like, let one of us try to redirect you. And Venita's like, yeah, because your emotions are always valid. Just, you know, when you're in public, you should probably pivot. You use one of your different emotions.

That's equally valid, but not as valid and wild. So how about just like a, just a, not a non-embarasing but valid emotion? So Taylor's like, well, I think that, I think that Vanita and Madison and Leva all have experienced heartache and know how to properly handle it. So I do want to heed their advice,

but I wear my heart on my sleeve. And of course, my sleeve happens to look like a joke, but that's a whole difference, that whole different story. So many of us like, you know, I know it's easier said than that, but we're going to back you up. And they're like, yeah, girl power. And Madison's like, yeah, imagine next time we can all jump in and be like, shit, you're stupid, bait amount. You stupid cuckso.

And it's like, yeah. Also, I think that Austin at that moment, like probably should have stepped in guys. I mean, you're tight with him and he said nothing. I mean, he buried his face in his hands. So I got to a flashback of Austin, like literally his face. So Madison's like she's like, uh, yeah, I think that everybody realizes that like Austin doesn't have anybody's back. Can we call him beta? Okay, I count three three two one beta beta.

So Olivia's like, yeah, I learned that the hard way and Taylor's like, but you know what guys though? He's a much better friend than I think he is in a relationship and he treats his friends so well, right? Um, I guess I think how this is out there. We no longer have arms, so we have arms. And Madison's like Taylor, let's forget his friend thing. I think he's in love with you. Taylor's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Olivia, you're seeing that too. And Olivia's like, no, I mean, I like always, like Joel's friendship, because like, y'all were friends before I was friends with him. So that's okay by me. And Taylor's like, well, obviously, it's put me in a weird situation. And I'm like, I'm sorry if this makes you feel weird. No, you've been so helpful. You've been able to like translate between Austin and I. And like, I love y'all's friendship. And I want you to maintain your friendship. And Taylor's like, yeah, I just want us all to like, co-exist and be happy and drink day chaser.

And love is like, well, we are, we are gonna be like that because no one's fucking them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And Madison's like, yeah, those guys are a fucking embarrassed me. And they all cheers to that. And I bet that you know what that means Taylor, not going back.

And then it just cuts to Taylor looking like she's about to start crying. She's like, please let me go. So then we go to Craig's new warehouse. Yeah, and he's backing a U-Haul into the warehouse. And there's another Madison there. But and she's Craig's employee and she's like, he's gonna take the mirror off.

Like she says in a way, like, the implication is for the 10th time this has happened. Like every single time he backs a U-hole into this, he knocks off a mirror. So I really love that, because he's trying to back his truck in, he's terrible at it. There, nobody believes him in.

And then I really love that they bring in the partner. What's his bun? Jerry. Partner Jerry's coming here on Tell Craig Off. Like Jerry's not having it. We all see the Jerry, this is really Jerry's business that Craig is a face of. And it's so funny. Yeah, so basically Jerry comes in very much like Cool Boss.

He comes in high five and everyone. He's like high five, high five, high five high five by the way no more telecommuting high five high five high five high five okay everyone so I don't really mean by law to ask anybody to change the name of this business to sewing down Jerry Okay, just wanted to remind you guys that okay high high fives. High fives, high fives. Hey, we're having some layoffs tomorrow. High fives, high fives, high fives, high fives. You would get a call if something goes wrong. So they have an order. Croger has placed an order for like 1,800 stores

or something like that. I'm a little confused because I thought Croger is a supermarket that they sell pillows at Croger or is this like some strange? Yeah. They do? Yeah, you know how some grocery store, will you're in LA? They don't really have this, but in other places, they have little home sections in the

grocery store, like an eye alert to you. Oh, like I definitely seem like these seasonal stuff and then they'll have some random, like crappy stuff in there. So either way, Craig has a corroger order. So he's, so suck it, Austin with your hair, a teeter, drop hop. Yeah, we all need to get the Jerry in a pack. Yeah, Jerry, I mean, Jerry has,

Jerry has killed it with his business. Why, totally bang Jerry. Jerry's doing great. Yeah, Jerry's hot. So basically, Craig'm like, I want to go to New York. And, Jared said, just say I want to bang Jerry. Who says that? What do I say that about? Yeah, I really want to bang Jerry. Sorry, Jerry.

Just one of those days. Just one of those days. Maybe Jerry can get bunny off the ground. So, uh, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, Jerry, sorry Jerry. Just one of those days. Just one of those days. Maybe Jerry can get bunny off the ground. So from the executive producer of the Pillow Store comes a movie to horrify you, but also make you feel artful. You want to see my, you want to see my new invention?

This is my new pop socket. It's a bottle. It's a bottle. That's not real, is it? I got a thing on the back of a magnetic pop socket and I put these little sticky things so I could get my phone to stick to my computer screen for our crappy hour of live thing on Monday. And look, I just realized it's an actual, it's a pop socket that I could actually get my big ass hand around. This is very Zelda to yours the kingdom. Well, it's like when you make your little grafts, you make your rafts and you make your plans, but you make all sorts of weird shit. It's like making a, it's like making a pop socket out of a bottle. So anyway, so Jerry is like a god, I'm hot. Anyway, you can't go to New York by the way.

And Craig is like, I gotta ask Craig, I gotta ask Paige to work, because we're trying to split time. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's not gonna happen anymore Craig, it's not gonna happen. And Craig's like, yeah, but with the warehouse and this design deal, my responsibility increases.

So if Paige doesn't move to Charleston, we're gonna be long distance forever. And now roll that clip for the 45th time. I don't wanna leave my mom. So, drag take. So I can't spend the summer in New York. I can't be on summer houses a full-time cast member is that what you're telling me.

And Sarah's like, no, it's just a different ball game. Great. So then we go to Austin at bar 167 meeting Roddy Roddy Rod, Rod, Rod, the Olivia Rod. So Austin, not Rodriguez. Two rods, two Madison's, Sherah house and warehouse shows are really, really fucking with my brand. Is this.

And now I get the distinct impression Austin hates Rod in this scene. And not just because Rod comes clean with trying to date Olivia, he seems to hate him. He comes in and he's like, wow, look at you wearing a baseball cap backwards. I mean, I don't, I wear a baseball cap backwards, but guess what? I don't do it often, but when I do, it's my top top. It's my top top hat. You know, Rod is like, when I do, I wear it from an established, my hat that I got from an established company at a Christmas party because I actually work. Also, by the way, both of you guys should have been wearing your backwards hats in this

nice bar. You idiots. Yeah, typical. That wasn't their city mix, who was like dressed to the nines and these fucking morons and their backwards hat. And Rod goes, yeah, trap hop, the official brand of mantles and everywhere. So it's an interesting choice that will place, right?

Because there's not much beer here, but there are interesting cocktails, so that's something. And I was like, that's fine. Because I'm trying to take a break from beer. Yeah. Beer liked me too much, so we're on a break. Yeah, I'm gonna stick with the keel. Yeah.

And so they're looking at the drinks and then the bartenders like the pink drinks, really good. Yeah, I missed it with Dequila. Yeah. And so they're looking at the drinks, and then the bartenders, like the pink drinks, really, I just like, oh, what? A pink drink? Or I'll have the pink drink, or even a maboy. So then Rod's making just like, like, conversation before he drops a bomb on him. He's like, so, you have as Australia, I saw you were there,

and didn't horrify all the kangaroos. And basically Austin's like, if it weren't for Christmas, I don't think I would have called back either. So they talk about each other the past. They've known each other for seven years. So Austin's like, you know, he's telling us, I've known Rob for seven years and everyone likes Rob because he's the guy that avoids the drama. But he's always referred to himself as Switzerland. And then it comes back to Austin and goes, so how are you when the automatic man? I have bad news for Austin. Switzerland.

I'm pretty sure that didn't Switzerland like leave neutrality to go against the Ukraine war. I'm pretty sure that happened. What was that Finland? Something happened either way. I don't know. I always support Switzerland because that's where Swiss Miss comes from and Swiss cheese. And I love chocolate and a lot of cheese. Watches I could do without a watch. But the rest of it great. Your whole time thing, Switzerland, we're over that. Okay, we're in a new era now. But still love your Swiss Miss. Let me tell you something. How about this? I'll take your Swiss miss and I will

up it with a Tobler ruin. Is that from Switzerland? It's either from Switzerland or at least it's definitely using Switzerland theming because it has a has an out of hand on its logo. No, there you go. So Austin's like, yeah, where are you, non-dramatic man? Which I didn't really understand. I'm quite as he's trying to like use that against Roddy. I guess he's, I think he's mad that Rod is on this show. And he's like, oh, they got one of our most boring friends to come on this show.

How are you person with no drama? So Rod comes back at him by being like, hi, I'm banging Olivia. So guess what? Switzerland is no longer neutral. And basically he's like, yeah, I thought I'd tell you to your face and clear the air as much as they are can be clear around your face. And so I was like, yeah, I just don't know.

I just don't know. I just don't know. Like, so you're saying you're going to ask her out. And Rod gives him this look like, yeah. Like, if you were listening to me, you'd see, I already did ask her out kind of, but like, that's fine. Like, if you want to just make it a future thing, that's OK. But yeah, I'm not asking you for permission,

but I'm just letting you know. Yeah. He's like, I think I just blacked out. And he's telling us, yeah, he's like, I do care for a lot, like I said, like I said. And like I said, she's not my property, but I did have her first. So mindzies. So it's like, yeah, I mean, she could do whatever she wants.

Like for instance, I did go out to warehouse, share house last week and she was like, is he another guy? That wasn't you? want to let you think about that for a second. Oh, did I sabotage you? Sorry, sorry bro. Yeah, so you know, she could do what she wants, but I think you're a great guy. Great kind of boring guy that she'll probably leave because you're just like not interesting and you're not tall enough. So yeah, great to hear it. Congratulations. I love this being fake. I love this competition over each other's fake storylines. So funny.

So Austin's like, yeah, you know, when you break up with someone, you know they're gonna date, but I don't want to hear about it. I don't mean great. Like now I have to put Rod's stupid face to this bullshit. Great. Great. How do you think us as Americans, not Americans, but like how do we, how do you think us as a nation

feel about having your stupid face on our show? So, Chef goes to Olivia's house, Olivia's parents house, with the Ziploc full of fessant. What the fuck dude? I got a, I got a Ziploc full of fessant. Olivia doesn't even know how to use a microwave. What do you think she's gonna do

with the festins exactly? So she's like, did you catch it? I guess catch it? I shot it. She's like, and then he goes, they're beautiful birds. I was like, well, I'm sure they appreciate that. I appreciate that. She's like, they appreciate that compliment

out of their band. And she's like, why are they warm? And he goes, because they're freshly killed. She's like, oh, there's feathers on this shop. God, what am I supposed to do with this? By the way, could you change a light bulb? No, it was gonna eat this. Go change a light bulb. And she bring me two dead birds in a zip lock. She's gonna throw it over the fence into the creek. So, Shep changes the light bulb, and I'm proud to announce ladies and gentlemen

that Olivia and I have the same step ladder. So that was exciting. So Olivia says that basically her parents moved to Houston and she's the groundskeeper and that her mom was like, Robin was like, oh, I'm really so happy that Shep's down the street in case there's an emergency. And she's like, um, Shep is the emergency mother. Um, so they sit down and they start talking. He starts asking about Taylor. And she's like,

oh, she's kind of the same. And he goes, Oh, she hasn't, she hasn't progressed it. Oh, come on. And she's like, well, it's just not easy being sad a lot of the time. Shut, you know, I mean, it's like, okay, well, by the way, JT went after Austin's relationship with Whittailer and Olivia's like, he just doesn't get it like Taylor and Austin are just like such good friends. That's it. He's like, yeah, but he said that they slept over together. And then my mind started to swim Well, I don't swim personally

Oh gosh if I need to swim higher somebody else to do it for me But my mind will do it apparently and I was like is there something happening here? I need to know about You ever see that movie a beautiful mind? It really is beautiful. That's why I shot it. Here it is in a ziploc So Olivia is like, um, Taylor's my bestie, so don't you think that like she would tell me? He's, well, I don't know what to think because Austin was tongue tied, which I know is a redundant thing to say when it comes to Austin. But usually he fights back or just spits a lot, but this time he was like, those lips were really flapping more than usual. Hmm, he was tongue tied as opposed to... tongue boxing. Whatever it is that he's usually doing with his tongue.

Tongue Jitsu. He's normally doing dancing with the stars with his tongue. But his tongue is the entire cast. And you know, usually fights fights back so I'm having big questions about his trustworthy miss oh please. None of you are trustworthy and Libby is like yeah but like I would expect Taylor to let me know I'd like if there is something there right and he's like well I mean I hope there's nothing there because that's just slimy and obviously both of us would be disappointed

in our friends, right? And then the orchestra's like, paling. And that situation, right? Blink. The piano. Yeah, that would be kind of fucked up, right? Oh, a castra. Eee.

She's like, how? That makes my stomach turn a bit. Thinking about it. Oh, sorry. I a bit thinking about it. Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about you sitting on the sofa knowing how I'll have to clean it up afterwards just really makes my stomach turn. So now it's the next day. People are doing things.

Vanita is doing something with Charles literally cannot cannot deal with Charles. A JT is doing diabetes stuff. Madison is leaf blowing nothing. She has her leaf blower out. She's just blowing her steps. There's no alert. Madison came out. She's just blowing her steps. There's nothing. Well, I learned Madison came out. She leafload her patio. And all the dogs in the neighborhood go crazy.

And I just love that Madison's like, I'm Martha Stewart. Just doing what what has wives to you. And she's doing the two most obnoxious things at the same time. She's leaf blowing. And she's making every dog in the neighborhood bark. Like everyone probably hates fucking Madison right now. Yeah, we're never gonna podcast in Charleston again because you know she's gonna pull up that leaf blower right when we start hitting record. So Taylor, then we see Olivia. Olivia's driving along she calls up Taylor and Taylor's like, Hey, what are you doing? And Olivia's like, well, I was just running some errands

and I thought I'd see if you're out. I wanted to see if you want to grab some coffee. And then she tells us, like, she doesn't know, like, it's just to mean it really bothered her. And she can sort of start to wonder if something happened. So Taylor's like, oh, I'm at Benny's. And Olivia goes, perfect time. And I'm right down the street.

I was like, oh, you almost got it right. The proper phrase is, I'm just in the neighborhood. I know what that's gonna say. It's our first. I'm just happened to be in the neighborhood of this season. I'm just gonna show you. You can get new people, but they're still always gonna just happen to be in the neighborhood. I'm in the neighborhood. I happen to be in the neighborhood. I'm in the neighborhood. I'm happened to be in the neighborhood. I guess we'll give it to her. I'll give her, I'm down the street.

That counts. I take it back. That counts. I mean, it's pretty good. Yeah, she does say right down the street, but you know, it is Charleston. So Taylor is sitting in this restaurant. She's calling Craig and he's like,

hey, love her. And she's like, well, I know we didn't end on a good foot. And I just wanted to extend an olive branch that's mine. And he's like, it's okay, don't underestimate it. She goes, okay, because also I'm going to be doing a day-chaser event at Republic tomorrow. And since they're funding this entire season, I wanted to do it like a ski apri thing. Ski apri.

Ski richiapril thing. It's gonna be fun. I wanted to give my apologies. So, you're correct. Yeah, okay. Well, I'm glad. Listen, I'm sort of like jerking off right now. So this is like cool.

We'll talk tomorrow. Okay, but he gets rough the phone. He's not wanna talk to her whatsoever. No. So then Olivia comes So this is like, well, we'll talk tomorrow. Okay. But he like gets rough the phone. He's not want to talk to her whatsoever. No. So then Olivia comes and she's like, um, that was a, that was a place. I'm alone with that. A plus, I think she meant. Oh, she goes, Oh, you were talking to Craig. That's a place. Oh, I, oh, is that what it was? Or is it that her drink is already at the table? I don't know. And she's like,

yeah, that's the crack I like. Um, This shit happens. And like, I just want to squeeze his head though. So I have the shit that happens like when you start yelling him at him at a party. So she's like, yeah, so I invited Craig and then I texted Shep too. And I'm like, he's like, that's good of you. Because like, I know you were in a weird space about it. So yeah, I guess that explains why you're dressed like the egg you broke during last last year's toss, huh? This is the egg sweater. So Olivia's like speaking of chef, he was telling me about the guys night and Taylor's like, yeah, yeah. And it raised questions regarding

you in Austin and Chef and Chefs are to seem a little shook. So can you arm that for me please. Taylor's like, well, nothing is going on. I put my hand on a Bible and live he's like, yeah, but he said that Austin was tongue tied. So what would be tongue tied about? And Taylor just starts doing eye flares. I mean, these two are the worst actresses. It's like they've got two people worse than Whitney Rose on what's it? Solid. I mean, this is so funny. It's like the Battle of Charisma here.

We go. It's like a black hole coming up against a black hole. Let's just watch it suck. Well, to be completely honest, like, so after New York, when we were both like not in good places with our arms, like, he was like not in a good place with you. And I was like not in a good place for shape. and like we created an unbound and in the midst of vulnerability and brokenness and being in a city away from Jesus. I don't know. We were just felt pushed together by the devil and We're like should we should we explore this? Should we explore this the Satanic relationship? Should we give up Jesus forever for this? What do you think?

And I'm the one who said it. I'm the one who said, is this something that we're meant to explore? And Livia goes, um, do you mean YouTube being in a relationship? No Olivia, okay? They meant fucking fessant hunting. Yes, they met the relationship Olivia. Damn, my dear. It's like, yeah, correct. And he's like, um, like right now, I don't know either. So then I called my brother about it. And his advice was like, why jump from a frying pan into the fire? And then I was like, that's a good point. I like bacon things. And then he asked if there's real feelings or if it's just like a crutch.

And I was like Slippery crutch, but you might have a point me by have a point there So Olivia's like um um Like the um I didn't know any of that Yeah, well um like because you're like being blindsided like I get that and She's like the reason I didn't bring it up is because you're going through so much already and I didn't want to be like oh my god Olivia I know you're hurting I just want

to have this conversation yeah but I mean you didn't want to hurt her but I mean come on Taylor come on so listen I know that going, first of all, I don't believe this relationship, obviously, with Olivia and Austin anyway. And it wasn't as long as Taylor and Shep. So I get it, like, out of traumatized people, Taylor wins, like into trauma battle. And she's, is a lot younger than Shep. And Shep, that is a fucked up paradigmic. And Shep really did fuck her up.

Now all that said, come on Taylor. Come on Taylor. Taylor has to learn, I think Taylor's way of getting through life is she looks the other way. Because it's never gonna be an easy time to bring up with a friend by the way, I have to if I could fuck your ex. And the truth is, it sounds like Taylor and Olivia

were not really as close during the reunion as they are now. So it probably was a thing where she's like, well, I'm not gonna bring it up. I'm not close with her. I'm not friends with her like that. And then they become friends and she's like, well, I don't know how to bring this up. I'm just gonna, whatever, it doesn't matter.

I don't know how to bring this up. I think she's in a boiler. We saw that that's literally her entire relationship with the ship. I'm not excusing it, but I think that's probably what happened there. She just got down this hole here. So Olivia is like-

I think she's just a liar at this point because, and here's why, because like, I'm gonna get to see, here's why. Or that. I mean, she's offering up some information, but she knows at this point, because she has been told, Austin told her,

listen, JT brought up with the guys that you spent the night. So she knows that that's what was brought up at guys night to Shep and to all these people. And she knows that Shep is the one who told Olivia all this information. So why is Taylor not saying, and I spent the night at his house. She's completely leaving that out on purpose.

And I don't understand why. Like she should be smart enough to know if Shep was at her house, Shep Taddle Tailed. And Shep's already Taddle Tailing on you. Of course, he Taddle Tailed that part too. So this whole thing is fishy with Taylor. Well, Taylor, the moment that Austin told Taylor that JT was talking about it,

Taylor should have had the brains to bring it up to Olivia and get ahead of the story. So Olivia's basically, she's like, so I mean, something must have happened because you all had conversations About whether or not to be boyfriend and girlfriend like enough to talk to your family and tell her like no it was It was it was a 24-un period and Olivia is like, but did he talk to his family about it? She's like um

He talked to his sister about it like I mean we did go shopping for rings But like it was like all in one day. It's all, it's good. It's okay. And yeah, it just talked to a sister and Olivia's like, that's what I mean now. And she was like, again, Olivia, again, again. It was a moment of weakness.

And then, like, you know, I just needed my crutch. And like, and she starts crying. And she's like, you know, like, I wasn't like, I wasn't going to God for my crutch and like, and she starts crying and she's like, you know, like, I wasn't like, I wasn't going to God for my crutch. I was going to somebody else. Oh my God, please don't bring up God right now in this conversation. That is such a cop out.

Are you fucking kidding me with this? Cut it out. God has, okay, God has a lot of things to do. A lot of things, one thing that God doesn't have to, God is not lying on God's bed with his feet dangling over like on the phone, be like, hey, so what's going on? Like what's going on? You're gonna go back without, you wanna get with Austin?

Girl, don't get with him, do not. God has bigger fish to fry. Also, God's not a crutch. Do you know what people with actual, like, hurt feet deal? They use crutches. They don't use God, because God's like, I'm busy.

I'm very busy, okay? God's like, I gave you a crutch. So, um. You know who did that? God did it. God. God did it. I feel like that's one of the most underrated quotes with Whitney Rose.

It's not like city last season saying, you know who did that? God. God. So Olivia is like, yeah, but like, oh, so Taylor continues. She's like, I just don't want to ever think I would train your trust and yet you did. And you're still not saying that you spent the night over at Austin. So, which is really fishy. So Olivia's like, yeah, but like that's what's the bummer of this. Like, not you on the Austin part because like our friendships, like what's most important to me. And like, I mean, did anything that made you be like, he's my brother to you guys, wait,

did anything happen that made you be like, go for being a brother? We should, oh, he's my brother to you guys being like, oh, we should be in a relationship. Like, was there a drunken make out or was there a drunken hookup or anything like that? And so it's like, no, anything, swirl my life, double hands up,

looking you straight in the eye, Absolutely nothing. I swear to you. Oh, gosh. I swear to my crutch. I swear to my crutch. Listen, I swear on all the fringe that is hanging off of my arms right now. Nothing happened. So Olivia's dead. I mentioned the sleepover. Olivia knows that this girl is full of shit. And she's not going to forgive her. And she gets up and leaves pissed. And this starts crying in her car. I actually genuinely felt bad for Olivia.

There's something about her crying in the car that felt I was like, I don't know why. That really made me really sad for her. Because she was like trying, she was like holding it in. She like walked out of the coffee shop like, fine, fine. No big deal. And then she got into her Nissan Centro, holding it in. She walked out of the coffee shop like fine, fine, no big deal. And then she got into her Nissan Centro, whatever it was, and then just started crying

at her steering wheel. And I was like, oh, you don't even know you're being filmed right now. I don't know, I just felt bad for her. She was hurt. I was hurt. My heart felt for her. Sorry to say.

Nice, Ben. That's really nice. Okay, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being with us today. This was a super fun week. We will be back Monday for Crapy Hour Live, 530 Instagram Live, 530 Pacific Standard Time. That's our live show.

You guys come talk to us on there. We're gonna have a great time with you. Can't wait to see you then. Okay. Probably have a great time on Jeff Lewis. Talk to you for a later. Bye, everybody. Love you. Watch what Crapins Life to Think it's Premium Sponsors.

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