Watch What Crappens - #2190 Southern Charm: Clear and Pheasant Danger

Episode Date: October 13, 2023

*This episode is available as a Patreon Crappens On Demand video!* Shep tries to prove how ok he is with Austen messing with his bird that he cooks a bird and makes everyone eat it. It’s �� disturbing. Cut the pheasantries, it’s a good old fashioned Southern Charm dinner party fight! This week’s bonus episode is a Trailer Trash breakdown of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram, I have cram Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Croppin'! The podcast for all that crap we'd love to talk about! Unheal, brawves, hi everybody! It's Ronnie, that's been over there. Hello, Benoons. What's you doing today? Hi Ronnie, I just wanted to say that this episode of Southern Charm was filmed 10 days prior to Shen and Storm's Bedouards DIY arrest. I just want to, I just mentally want to put that disclaimer before every episode I'm propo from now on. Bussu. Um, yeah, if Shannon's gonna clip someone,

I would suggest Chef's hair. Chef is looking like a damn wreck. I actually think Chef is looking pretty good this season. Looking pretty good. He's wearing an LLBine stripe like plaid with a caution cone vest and then some other kind of bright plaid scarf and a hair and it. I think it was a paper bag. I mean, he looks like a paper bag. Well, yeah, but like, you know, like the some paper bags are just like generic paper bags from Alpertsons in summer.

Nice beautiful paper bags from Bloomingdale's. And he's sort of in the middle, maybe. I don't know, like I think that light paper bags have a spectrum. I'm just saying for Shep, I think he looks good. I think Craig is looking really good. Everyone's a piece of Shep, though. Okay, well. But you know, I don't know why we're starting with the Shep looks, but I started it. I started it.

So I'll take credit and apologize. Yeah, we I started it. I started it. So I'll take credit and apologize. Yeah, we are chippy. We just talked for a good 40 minutes before we even started this. So we're already not at each other, by the way. We're not chippy at each other. We're just bitching about something. No, that's nippy.

I think chippy is good. We're chippy right now. Okay, everybody. Welcome to the show. This is the end of our week. It's probably the end of most of your weeks, because it's Friday. So we're so excited.

I cannot wait to do absolutely fucking nothing. Okay, that's what I'm gonna do. So it's gonna be fun. But until then, we're doing Southern Charm. And Monday night, we have a very special night because it is crappy hour. It's gonna be our first guest on Crabby Hour Live, Instagram Live, 5.30 PM Pacific time,

8.30 PM Eastern Standard time, we're gonna be there, be there be square. And that's every other Monday. Also, when we're not doing that, the other weeks, we do dwell hello, which is our house, Hunter's recap, that is up now, the new one, that's Wicked, it's a Boston Mass, not Boston, but we're outside of Boston. It's about a guy as afraid of

goals, right? So go check that out. And also, this is video. So if you want to watch this, come over to Crappens on demand on Patreon. And if you don't want to pay for this, I don't blame you, really. Okay, I don't want to pay for anything either. You can still watch a week later over on YouTube and bonus episodes. We're also on Patreon. Join us for that.

And thank you so much to everybody who does support us. I mean, honestly, being Friday and getting the opportunity to talk to my BF about a stupid fucking TV show is honestly like the best Friday I could ever dream of. So thanks for giving that to us. Keep it up. Keep it up. Audience. Loat could ever dream of. So thanks for giving that to us. Keep an audience. To float during these crazy times. So, yes.

Yeah, it's sad that we have to turn to Austin and Shep to keep us afloat, but that's just the lot in life that we have. So, Austin, we start, we start where, like, there was a cliffhanger last week where Shep was talking to Austin at Patricia's house And he's like gosh like did you guys hook up and then Austin does this all Define hook up define hooked up chef's like kissed and now this time though Austin says We kissed I was like whoa. I was like not expecting him to just like say that. I thought he was gonna be like, well, I don't know I mean to pens. I mean we're friends. Yeah, but he just came out and said that they kissed oh We got her and then there's mouth kept doing a monologue after he finished

I really like the opening monologue I think it's the best choice to have Madison do those openings. This is her whole opening Say well first this city did that. Then that man hoarded this. And then this loser with mailbox money did that. And everybody on the show smells. Okay, thanks. Enjoy. I'm married. I'm Martha. Enjoy everybody. So then, um, Marl for Marl made it. So then after Austin says we kiss, the screen goes black and we see like the southern charm logo. And then like while the logo is still on screen, the blackness fades up into an exterior shot of Patricia's house at night and like the camera slowly moving.

And I was like, that was amazing. It was so I was like, I'm getting chills from this opening right now. Mm-hmm. I'm the storm sound. Yeah. And we go in and Shep's covering his face. He just can't believe this. I'm the victim and all of this.

He's like, this is so confusing. I mean, come on. We know what kissing turns into. And also Shepard. By the way, I'm sick of people saying Shepard. I think only Cameron's allowed to say that. And so every time someone else says that, I'm looking at you new lady Lisa

I just don't approve okay, so Shep is like where's the boundary? Where's the boundary? Wife and families is that where we draw the line? Because that's not where I draw the line. There is no boundary for me, honestly You know when you're wealthy there's no boundaries, but you're poor so you shut boundaries Properly lines that the very least. You are already broken up and you wouldn't make her your wife and that was the problem. So if anyone else wants to make out with her, that's kind of...

I mean, look, I get it. It's his friend and everything. It's still hard for me to care. Any of these guys are pretending to be hurt. Because both of them are villains and they're both pretending to be the victim the entire at the start. Right. But it is shitty of Austin to do that to his best friend. I really, I mean, it is, it is a violation of Brokod. Yes, they're both single, but like in all reality, like they are supposed to be friends.

And so that is, that is shitty and then he lied about it. But yeah, Shep, I mean, also, Shep, if you liked her so much, you should not have cheated on her in the first place. So that's the, that's the easiest solution. Listen, as one of the great thinkers of our time said, if you like it, then you should have put it around on it. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I said you, uh, uh, whoa. I said you didn't like it, and she put a turtle neck on it instead. A knit turtle neck sweater, that's apparently all she's gonna wear, all season long. But you didn't like it and so she got a twin version of your dog to seem not affected at all. I'm still creeped out that she got like a twin version of Shepstog to move on. It just doesn't, it's like let go. You know what I mean, at least go for

a Jack Russell this time. I'm like a cat. I would actually change the genre. Go for a cat. Yeah, I don't expect you to change your pet genre over a guy. I would be more concerned about that, but at least don't get another Frenchy, you know? Especially when it looks, not only that, like it looks exactly like the little Craig,

I would not be able to tell them apart. Well, that's the dogist, that's the honest. I'm sorry. This is how you can, this is how their twins, though, all the Frenchies, all the Frenchies are twins because they all do this. What are you doing? I don't think Frenchies are terribly charismatic.

They are though, they have such a good personality. They have more personality than any guy on this show. Yeah, that's true. I mean, they're cute, but I feel like they're like, I don't know. They're cute. They're cute. They've got a lot of health problems. I wanted a Frenchie, but my bestie with a Frenchie was like,

oh, you get a Frenchie, but get insurance. They all have tons of issues from inbreeding. And I was like, who does? And a friendship, but get insurance. They all have tons of issues from inbreeding. And I was like, who does? And I'm all right. And bulldogs, yeah. So then we go as I bump into a wall. So Seps, like, can I love women? You know how much I love women?

Bores! I love women almost as much as Ken Burns loves me. And I'm like, it gets me in trouble all the time. And I want this one. I want that one. Seps overcompensating a little with his how much he loves women. I'm starting to wonder about Shep because I don't know anybody who's like, you know I love women, I need that woman, and I need that woman too. I'm wondering if Shep either likes more than women or if he's,

which I know we're not supposed to speculate, or if Shep is just like having trouble with his wiener because there's just a lot of overcompensation. It's like married people on these shows when they're like, we have so much sex, oh my God, me and my husband are ban all the time. And then they break up two years later and it's like, well, we have sex in four years, you know.

I'm getting that kind of vibe from Shep. I don't know what it is, I'm just getting that kind of vibe. Well, I'd love to hear what you have to say in four years. You know, I'm getting that kind of vibe from chef. I don't know what it is I'm just getting that kind of love to hear what you have to say about Lou Vega Who's that a little bit of Monica on us? I'm in a Loads make another I'm back again Joe in the same week, but let's be honest. I couldn't even I can't even sing mom number five

I need mom number 15. That's how much I love winning. Oh, where's where's the limit mombo number five mombo number 10? How many momos do you need? I need to know where the line is man the mom of line How does the kiss end with how does the kiss just end with the kiss these days? Come on every kiss begins with gay Show me what you water her. Show me. But what about the kisses that end with Tay? So by the way, I just heard everybody in the South getting riled up thinking I just called Chef Kay. I did not.

I'm just saying there's some overcompensation happening with Chef being insistent on how much he loves women. And that's it. There's overcompensation. So what is it? So what is it? Okay what is it? Okay. So, no kidding.

We do not take you even if in some alternate universe that were the truth, no. Go away. No. So yeah, so he said, where is the limit? So then Craig, everyone else is listening in from the kitchen and Craig's like, I knew a mess like, that's not a hook up.

Yeah, Madison, no one stops before physical contact. Yeah, well, they were probably just drowning. You know, like me with a piece of corn, God, I was really born for corn. He's like, yeah, they probably kissed and said, are we gonna do this or not? Craig loves gossip. Craig is so excited to have confirmation of this gossip.

Like, he just loves that. I cannot believe he didn't FaceTime page for craze from this kitchen. I know it is a little shocking. So Austin's back to their conversation. Austin's like, but also can I just say, yes, people do just make out still. What is that?

I mean, it's called Safe Sex. You know, you make out. The person doesn't taste like your flavor of orbits and you get rid of them. Yeah, I definitely like had such a,, you make out. The person doesn't taste like your flavor of orbits and you get rid of them. Yeah. I definitely like had sex, we just make out. Like that is actually something that happens, but maybe not when you are like.

It's pressureing me to fuck everybody, I wanna make out. But also like maybe it's out of context for these guys cause they're just like, for, for, for, foratious, you know, letches, I don't know. But Austin's like, Austin's like, well I know that it's not good in any sort of way. It's insane right now. And she's like, were you also kissing on,

Olivia at the same time? That's the problem. Too many lips moving so quickly. And Austin's like, well, Olivia and I were, I stand for women. Let me put on my pussy head. I'm really, I should have really go in pussy. I'm gonna wear my vagina out from the pussy for a high stand for women. That's what I care about. This whole thing is just

trying to get makeup people at the bar. With the airport thing, you got screwed over by a host and let's make out. I love that you stood up for Olivia. Not buying it. Olivia and I weren't even speaking at the time. I mean we were facing each other our loops for moving but we weren't actually making you know as the lips were where it not from a lot of them like that you know. But like it was never like oh let's go home together you know that's not like what happened me and Tay.

But you thought Harley did end up doing that. You went home together and that's what JT was talking about. You know he was like oh I feel like a third wheel here. What kind of broke hard drives with three wheels? Bros are supposed to have four wheels. Bros before holes, bros. You broke the professional conduct of broscar racing. I need more wheels on this bros mobile.

My Nissan Procentra is broken I'd rather have a full bro It needs to have more than three leans What's the point of calling an u-bro if the car is broken? Or it'd be a brovo Probably a brovo right? So Austin's like whoa shop shop GT come on GT doesn't know shit dude

GT doesn't know shit. He's like come on I am talking about it. I'm questioning this that's for sure and then Austin just looks down And he just keeps moving his mouth like up and down like a fish that got caught You know he's just a fish just lying on the floor of a boat. He's just like, it's sad bass. Bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, b views at I can't believe I somehow managed to pack another hot girl and then choose confused and I can't believe I'm actually attracted to me because I'm tall wow so we're so confused right now. And just to anyone who's falling for his confused bullshit please just remember that this was the same week or like the same month in the very least who is on

the reunion talking about how much you wanted Olivia and then Olivia was yelling at him and then he decided that he was going to really try and make it work with Olivia. And then the second she said yes to that, he went and made that. Yeah, where is his, I understand Taylor's confusion because she got out of this relationship with Shep, she was like an emotional turmoil. I understand her confusion, I have no question about. I don't understand his confusion. He and Olivia didn't even really have a relationship as far as I could see. They were like,

sort of, are they aren't they? Was it ever going to take off? It seemed like they were in stuck in a permanent courtship phase. So I don't know where he's pulling this whole opposite, so confused thing. I think he's just saying that because he feels like he can say it, but there's actually nothing to support why he would be generally so confused that he would try to hook up with his best friend's ex-girlfriend. Well, I think he and Taylor both wanted to stick it to Shep more than they wanted to stick it to each other, basically. They just both, Austin's always competing with Shep and then Taylor wanted to get Shep

back. And that's all, you know, that's it. And they banged. Also, just want to go on record is saying again, 100% believe they banged. Of course they did. Even though I'm saying, people do just kiss. Of course people just make up. Of course people in general do. But Austin and Taylor banged.

I 100% believe that. I don't believe Austin is capable of just kissing. I think that he is an animal. And once he starts down that process, he is like, he's gonna make sure, and I'm not saying he's like raping her, but anyway, I'm saying that like, he is, I'm just saying he's gonna like,

he's gonna, he's gonna go all the way. And also, you know, because he's not good, you know he's not good at making out because we see how he talks. And he does have that mup it like just open and closed version of his mouth. And you know, he just kisses like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

like he's just chopping down on something but never really grabbing hold of it. And so I believe that, you know, he doesn't really have that skill set. So I believe that for him, it would be more than me. Yeah, I just think that he's like- Just like necessity. Yeah, I think that he is going to go as far as he can.

And I just don't see him just say, like saying, okay, that was a fun kiss, I'm done. Yeah, try to do that. So, like when I just say, like in my take, I realize it's not just awful the way I said it I did not mean it in that awful way I Didn't even I think that's some work just coming from that place today because I I've already done it with being like

I don't know if she's straight anymore. I'll just this entire recap It's just you know what it's something charm. This is the most problematic show on television. Like, how are you not gonna fall into tracks? So, steps like, um, you know, you don't think about anyone else, man. Oh, okay, chef. Okay. I love that they're trying to out like vulnerable each other. They're both coming from the bachelor playbook where Austin to excuse himself. He's like, you know what? Austin to excuse himself. He's like, you know what? Bro, we were just like so vulnerable. Like there was just so much confusion going on. So many feelings and steps like,

you know, you didn't even think of my feelings. It's so vulnerable. You just want to take, take, take, take, take. Like a typical poor person. How about you sit back and let things come to your mailbox? So Austin's like, I have like, I had maintained with Taylor that if something materialized between us, then yes. Of course we tell our friends in the appropriate matter,

but if nothing deep materialized, then there was no reason to tell our friends and hurt their feelings when their feelings didn't even need to be hardest from seeing right now. I'm like, mmm, but then if like nothing did happen, then I mean, you know it's gonna come out. You're on a reality show. Like, you know, you've been on the show too long.

Well, you know it's gonna come out because you were the one who put it out. And that too. He's such a drama queen. He's totally doing the song purpose. That's another frustrating thing about this. He's just do it. Like, he's getting his sound of all in there. He's getting a scandal.

You know, there's something when we watch these shows and we think God It must be really hard to be on these shows Especially when you're someone who's hated and I don't think Austin's hated by everybody all the time But he's definitely had his winter house moments where everybody was like fuck you know this guy sucks And then his summer house moments But no, I think that just that attention really gets you addicted, huh? Because he's just really trying for this scant of all thing this year. Yeah, I think he is, but I think he also, he does love that attention.

He loves the chaos around him. This is his classic thing. He creates chaos, then he gets to play innocent. Like, I didn't know. Like, oh my god, you see it later today, like in the episode, he drives me absolutely nuts with his whole, all his bullshit. I don't want to make a scene. So Austin's like, poor judgment was made and I'm sorry for being weak.

And she's like, you know what? I was broken up with her. You were a very tall shoulder for her to cry on. And you know what? Since you're not a girl, I think I'm just going to be pretty chill about this. So I don't want to lose you as a friend, man. I don't want to lose you. I'm like, be pretty chill about this. So I don't wanna lose you as a friend, man. I don't wanna lose you. I'm like, really, that's all?

And Austin's doing that fake holding his temple. He's like, look, I'm very stressed out about this. I am holding my temples. And Austin's like, yeah, you know, man, this is gonna cost wipples, it's gonna cost tides. I just wanna keep it a secret, man, but I guess I couldn't. And then they show Austin in the diary room and he's wearing some flower shirt

with a brown plaid blazer. And now he's dressing to look like Frosy Bear. Did you notice that? I noticed he was dressed kinda crazy, but I did not think, oh, this is an actual Fosy Bear outfit, but now that you say that, it totally was. Cause Frosy Bear is brown fur and a colored, like a white, with a white flowery scarf thing

and a brown hat, and he's wearing a brown plaid blazer with something that looks like Fosie Bear's scarf as his shirt. Wow. I mean, so much attention. He's just leaning right in. And by the way, so much attention is put on to Burton Ernie, at what point are we going to acknowledge Fosie Bear for the beautiful theater queen that he is?

Yeah, we're just gonna wonder if everybody's gonna make it. But at Fosie Bear, I think we can safely say, there's a little bit of a foppish quality to him. Good for him. I accept Fosie Bear, do not accept Shep. Good for him. I accept Foszy Bear. Do not accept Shep. I don't know.

I'm already in the MF travel life. I feel like so. I'm going to just be quiet on that. I will take the hate letters. I love I love. Yeah. So they returned back to the party from their fake storyline.

Then I'm not buying for two seconds. So Shep's like, all right, can we some whiskey now? Whitney's just wasted. He's like, I hope you guys started it out, mother. I'm good. And we're all in good pima. And we're all in good makeup with my mom.

Like, no! And Craig's like, so you guys are good after what just happened? Like, come on, how can you guys be good? Well, whereas good as we can be, oh, well, so did you fuck Taylor or not? And I was like, MASSEN! Stop it, Madison!

Tip, last week on Southern Charm, Austin probably fucked Taylor, nobody believed his bullshit. We can hear you, Madison! Right? Last week on Southern Charm, a beta fucked a mouse. There, I said it. the charm of beta fucked amounts. There I said it. So the next day we get a new kind of

it's like a dance music version. It's like and guess what? Vinita has a dog still. That's great. You're doing great. Vinita's great. This is your season. I knew your season was coming. Yeah, it's a new twist on an old favorite. We're moving on from Venita standing in her closet with Charles at her feet to Venita being outside with Charles at her feet. So it's like changing up the Charles scene. Drinking wine in a martini glass puts Russia would be horrible. Yeah, but yeah, she's talking to Charles and then Madison calls and

She wants to give her the goss. She's like I want every degree I can witness last week on Southern charm Let me tell you what a bunch of man. What a bunch of man-babies. I know what he's gonna be married to any of those ideas because they're stupid You're on the phone with me not recover. We're not recording your voice over Here I am speaking to Vinny that is she ever gonna get off her porch. Nobody knows You're on the phone with me not recovered. We're not recording your voice over. Oh, all right. Hi. Here I am speaking to Vindigga. Is she ever gonna get off her porch? Nobody knows. Vindigga's like, oh, are we having a real scene?

I thought this is one of those 10 second scenes where we just see what's happening around Charleston. Oh, oh, we're doing a real scene. Oh, well, I wouldn't have had Charleston here. Okay. Oh, yeah. So tell me, should I put my wine down to hear this gossip? Well, you know, uh, check that wine girl.

Cause long and short is beta confessed to mailbox money about making that with Taylor. She's like, no. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's coming. Watch what crap ends and winter is crappening of a funniest recap podcast. But if you want something more eerie, try the new podcast Go Story about my investigation into a murder suicide in my own family. Go SoundReal, at least that's what I've always believed.

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Go story, a podcast about family secrets, overwhelming coincidence and the things that come back to haunt us. Follow Go Story wherever you get your podcast. Listen everywhere on October 23rd or you can binge early and add free on Wondery Plus the same day. So then we cut to Craig FaceTimingJT, who I think JT is sitting in his party space that he really did. Is that the set true? I like to call it my poppy seed dome.

So he's like, can you believe about Austin and Taylor? And he's like, I told you, my issue is more so with Austin that he, you know, he lied to us. I have an issue with the bro code being breached or I don't know if you've heard this, but I've been trying to rotiss something, professional conduct. What do you think?

You like that? I think it's not as up to an old classic. Do you think, do you think Chef can just forgive him? And Craig's like, I think that chef has his own motives because now the dealer is dumb something nefarious. Sett feels like they can have a clean slate. Oh Craig, I love that he's opening the word of day emails, that's cute.

It's like that, Durant, Durant song. Nefarious. I think Craig's right, by the way. Yes. I think that's 100%. Shep loves this because now he can hold a sin over Taylor's head and be like, see, we're both imperfect. Let's still have sex sometimes. I'm not going to marry you.

I am like really disturbed by Craig's late seasons. Like, they'll pass like two or three years that Craig's shockingly accurate reads on people and relationships, like I still, that doesn't sit well with me, that Craig is able to do that. That was not Craig. That's not the true right. It's painting.

I'm so sorry, of course. It's paint. God, that makes me feel so much better. Don't you remember last season when Craig was like, yeah, I can be friends with, uh, no, with no me again. We're just getting like hang out. We saw each other in Vegas. No big deal.

Well, it's like great. We're going to hang out and page. It's like, um, you will be dead in the ground if you ever look her in the eye again. He's like, what? Why would you hang out with your ex? Everybody knows that that's wrong. Like really?

Because that was your whole story line last year after you got caught banging nail. Oh my god. I'm so disturbed by Craig and now he has such good takes ever since he was on winterhouse the first season. I know every people on mine I saw post the other day people like oh my god. How did Craig get so hot? You guys it's page.

I mean listen, I blame page for a lot of stuff watching Winter House. I'm like, that's page is fault. But at the end of the day, you have to blame page for what she's doing right to. And it's basically Craig. I mean, if there was ever a flip of a person, it's Craig and Paige is doing a great job. She's gonna be able to offload that guy

for a lot more money than she put it in. Yeah, I mean, really, like, she's getting in the loving, she's getting in love at not not a list it, right? They're gonna keep that. Also, can I ask you a question? Have I always said, wow, they're banging. When did I start talking? I don't know.

I don't talk. I don't say people are banging, and I've said it like 20 times today. I sometimes were just random words, just enter my vocab, they're in the entire recap, and I'm like, why am I saying this word so much? Were you saying they're banging like they're having sex?

I don't like it. Yeah, like they're banging, like they banged or they're banging. I don't normally, I don't think I talk like that. I mean, I don't know. I talk to you more than anybody else who's ever walked the plan. Banging doesn't really hit my radar,

but you know, I don't know if I'm one to, I'm not sure I'm one to adjudicate about with word choices on this episode, so I don't know. Well, if you hear me say banging again, please correct me. Okay, that would be great. I think you should say, I should leave it to you. You know what they say?

You know what they're saying a lot in this episode? Weird. This is really weird. You're not noticed. But we'll get to that. It's the word today. They say 5,000 times. Okay, I'm going to shut up. I'm not noticing. But we'll get to that. That's the word today. They say 5,000 times. Okay, I'm gonna shut up.

I don't want to stop today. You guys, I was like this before the podcast you were starting on this. Sorry. So Madison is like, gosh, so we're back to Madison, Venita, because they're still talking. And Madison's like,

I've done a lot of shady shit, but I've never hooked up with one of my friends, Reese and X's. I've only hooked up with big tall dumb betas. And you know what's what I'm talking about. And Venitaa's like yeah that's girl cut. Uh-huh, excuse me, we are going to be, it's girl, girl, professional, you know what, I'll be back. I'm going to come up with a good version for girls because professional conduct is actually really taken off by here. Girls. Girls. Girls.

Girls. Girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. You really can't attach bro to so many things, but it's weird, like adding girl to things is more difficult. Yeah.

So Matt, the little like, yeah, that was good. Or girl slation. There's that's girl legislation. The girly show with Jane Polly. And his girl limited liability. So we go over to JT and JT's like where's the moral line here? We just can't ignore this. I wonder what mommy has to say about this. And Craig's like as I always say, there's tons of girls in this town and Austin had to

continue to hang out with Taylor and And you know it led to this. And that is unfortunate. Um, what was that little... Wait, what? Dweep? I just started... Wait. I'm not sure, maybe.

Was that you getting a text or something? I did not. Was it a Bweep? Like a Bweep? I'm the text from... No, I got no Bweep. I got no noises. I don't know, my, but I moved my chair and my stomach rumbled.

But that doesn't sound like a stomach rumbled noise noise. What if your stomach rumbled like that? My stomach just turns into some click you I'm like the text police if I hear a fucking text go off during the pot. I'm like patty the poem in a Broadway show go off during the pot. I'm like patty the pony in a Broadway show. Hi, now business like Shawn, excuse me, put your fucking fall away, you monster of a human being. Um, JT by the way, JT is really upset right now and the reason why he's upset is because Craig's slash pages theory is so true that now, Shep, it can be like, aha, we both messed up, now we can get

back together. It just means that JT is now that much farther away from getting with Taylor, because JT is the one who truly is in love with Taylor. JT has hearts in his eyes for Taylor, and he's just the sweet little short king off to the side. He'll never be seen, because there are too many oak trees in this forest. I know. A poor guy, poor rich guy.

Like he's sitting back in his rental space, his party space, just trying to be all impressive and Craig's like, well, now that Austin and Taylor aren't together. I guess Shep has another chance. He's like, wait a minute. What the hell, mommy? Doesn't JT sort of feel like a clean shaven and sort of grown up a little bit Yassemite Sam.

I'll say, I'll say. That's far more than before. Yassem, oh, is Yassemite Sam like the handle bar must be in the... Yeah, it's just shooting guns, like left and right. I kind of feel like, when Yassemite Sam settles down and Jafes is bearded and decides enter like the workforce, we get JT.

Sam settles down and she just beared and decides to enter like the workforce. We get JT. So like, so then we got I don't know. I feel like protecting you somebody. Sam, I'm like, what is your somebody say I'm ever them for me? And wasn't he just always trying to shoot bugs, bunny? Who's he always trying to do? I think he's having his family. He's actually a very sad cartoon. Like he seems to be like a sad person. He does. He seems to be one of those people to pull his gun on you like when he passes house. But then once you get talking to him,

you're like, oh my God. Poor guy. It's like you're out walking the dog late and he's just out there and it's underwear. Like batting off bees that aren't there. I don't know why I act out. I just that like my mama. I don't know why I act out. I just that like my mama. I don't know, she never told me she loved me

and she had her own struggles. God bless her and you gotta meet people where they are but like I just have so much anger inside me. Like okay. Oh yeah, I can see that kind of JT ending up that way just on a porch somewhere, just upset because the only woman he ever loved, never loved her back.

And he's, he got, he built a whole party space, you know, probably called that dynasty. We built a whole dynasty of Airbnb's to try and impress one later. And she never loved him back. And now I'm just sitting here alone on this tufftied couch with the party head on and a couple of guns in my hand, waiting for papacy to face time, so I can have a smile in my face. He's definitely one of those guys I can see being like, I'm gonna groom my mustache and then he goes like the mustache groomer and they're like, why? You have any beard oil? And then

they like twirl his mustache and be in oil it up and he pays $75. Right and they're like, so how's your job in corporate finance? Like, it's pretty good. You might not know this about me, but I was pretty wild in my 20s. I had a beard, yay long, and just with shoot guns all the time. But, you know, it's good. I like doing some quarterly forecasts now.

So. Okay, so let's go to lunch with Olivia and Leva. Olivia's Rangu yellow had this his best friend. And Leva's like, hey, not to quote J.A.T. but we have a lot to unpack here. That's Andy Cohen's line, bitch. And Leva orders a Peyton free waffle, which already got me mad.

So then, no, it's gluten free, full waffle. Who's this? Because they serve them full waffle. And she says this is gluten free, right? Because traditionally, Flawful is gluten-free, but there are a lot of fuckwits who like to make it not gluten-free,

just to fuck with everybody, even though it's supposed to be gluten-free. I thought you were. I thought it was a waffle, not a full awful. So I just made me really angry that she's going for gluten-free, full awful, which is by the way totally fine to do, but like a maybe angry that level was doing it.

I don't know why, but I make them for my sister and her kids. I make gluten free waffles. So let me tell you, they're not great. Okay, also, this, I want to know this restaurant because this restaurant, I think it's like their bread that you know have some restaurants give you bread when you get their crackers or a place I like gives you a little of that Pimento cheese on little cracker things. It's delicious. But I think this one gives you falafel. And so she's like, is this gluten free?

And I was like, what place just gives you falafel? That's amazing. I'm gonna go back to my original thing. I would like a place that just gives a free waffle in the middle. That's actually probably the easiest and cheapest thing to do. That's probably easier than a fresh piece of bread, right? You just pour that batter in, grill it,

and then you have a basket with some waffle that you can pull apart waffle. But that is fun. So that is fairly easy. And like a maple butter waffle. And you can like dip, like that would be such a fun bread basket, a bread waffle. My favorite bread is, my favorite bread thing right now

is a crepe. I just love a crepe. I mean, I've always loved a crepe, but God, I really love them now. I just love little folded pancakes. Let's start that trend. Just crape and waffle. What about a waffle wrap?

It's not in the crape. Oh, that sounds good. Do you think that's good? No, no, I think that sounds good. Like maybe just slice the waffle semi thinly and then put the whipped cream and walnuts or whatever and a little syrup. I don't think you like nuts and things.

And then wrap it like a little burrito. That would actually be quite lovely. Okay, you all heard it here first. This is what's gonna happen. This is our next endeavor is the waffle bread. Or the crepe waffle. Can you tell we've both been counting calories a week? Really, wow.

Listen, this is what happened on Southern Charm. We should have waffle bread baskets. She knows who would probably love it. Shiree, she's a big fan of the Womlet. Don't forget. Shiree from Real Housewives of Womlet. The Womlet made in the waffle iron. Oh, the Womlet, please.

Okay, so Olivia is like, you know, there's just like a disconnect between Taylor and I, like, what we think is okay and like what we don't think is okay. And like, y'all went and talked to your families about it. Like, who does that? Yeah, and love it goes. I love Taylor, but everything, like, stuff just keeps that coming that coming out. And do you think that they did hook up? And Olivia's like, well, during that coffee conversation, I was like, this is the time to tell me everything.

And then she said, nothing happened. And the thing is, if something does come out, I know me, I won't, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. So you mean like you won't have a friendship that's what you're trying this is really difficult getting through this with you Do you want to write this down first and I'll like help you through your points because I have businesses to try I haven't used old next door. Do you want to do some dictionary? You want to pick scenario that a little bit maybe and she's basically is like I heard it again what The wait I literally I heard it again. What? The wait.

I literally, I heard it again. But it's not something that you're computer. It's your Skype. I think it's your Skype open. It's your Skype open. I have not received a text since looking right now, six minutes ago. I don't think it's your text.

I recognize the sound from Skype when people would come online, you know what? I wonder if my Skype is on. I wonder if my Skype is on. Mystery solves. Well, David, thank you for trying to gaslight me. Guys, I would like to take this moment to apologize, not only to the audience, but to my friend's band. Very accusing him of something that I actually did.

I'd like to offer him this invisible basket of bottles. Body, where's the limit? Where's the boundary? When does it ever stop? All you do is take, take, and take. Benchimoonias, I would like to order you this brosket of bottles. Yeah, you really did violate some professional conduct right there. Okay, guys, we're,'re I have to get a hair cut We are more lucid right now than Olivia and the scene Olivia is like, uh, so then I really like her But then if she said she didn't I'm gonna believe she didn't but then maybe she didn't, I'm gonna believe she didn't, but then maybe she didn't. But anyway, she's gonna bring over, he brought over some fizzin, you eat that right?

And love goes, what's fizzin? Is that a bird? I was like, wow, the restaurant tour of the group, top of our game. So how old is that fizzin? Didn't we see that fizzin going to fridge like two weeks ago? Like that fessant is turned, okay? So like many cast members on this show, that fessant is past its prime. So Olivia's like, it's an edible bird, right? Like, am I messing that up? Like, what's a bird you eat?

That's on menus. Lificus chicken. She was, huh. No, a bird. A bird. You know, a bird you can chicken to bird. No, it's not. It's a vehicle.

Bird, come on. So, Shepah has a spark of bird. Shepah's doing a fesim dinner. And Olivia's like, you know, I'm not in a place. I thought I don't want a sea tailor. You know, even when I'm mad at her, I miss her. I do miss her. And love it's like, oh yeah.

So you don't think this dinner is gonna go feel really awkward. By the way, way to talk about a dinner that love wasn't invited to, love wasn't even at this dinner and they're talking about it, rude. Well, she says, I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. Didn't she say, she said,

you don't think a dinner is gonna be awkward? I don't wanna go. But I don't know if she was invited. I'm assuming she was invited. She and the media didn't invite a dinner is gonna be awkward? I don't wanna go, but I don't know if she was invited. I'm gonna see if she was invited. She was invited. We're not there. Oh, I know. Just as for,

so, no, of course. Fezant, non-invitees. Yeah, so Olivia is like, yeah, you know what? You should go and eat this damn pigeon. Oh my God, I can't. Why, come on. Yeah God. It's like, I can't. This is why. Come on. Yeah, because love is like, I don't want to sit there and like be next to Austin, like during all this awkwardness

and I live here, it's like, yeah, I'd rather be a dead phesan than sit next to him at dinner, which I think is actually a pretty global sentiment. Like I think we probably all feel that way. So wait, those are poor birds, right? Okay, so then we got to Austin and a red Trumpi-looking baseball cap. Just to show is also a big,

they have a big love for backwards baseball caps. God, they love them. They're on like every scene, a big baseball cap. Big old cap. So Austin goes to Taylor's house and that's the drama There's a drama And I thought you said that because my stomach just rumbled. I was like was it that loud? Taylor is like she's like hey, welcome to my humble bowed and Austin's like well

I brought some drop-hop so you could put in your fridge still kind pedaling, I love just pedaling the last few cans of this beer. Didn't you sell it? Didn't you get rid of it? Why is he still pushing so hard for this? I don't think you sold it. Who's gonna buy TROPOP? Like, even in a store, much less the corporation. So, she, yeah, he goes over and she has her like shepherd buff dog penalty. You know, no offense to you penalty.

You're still cute, but you do signal a severe issue with security and your mother's. Well, I think I will only accept it if she gets another dog named Warren. So it can she can say this is penalty and Warren. because she can say this is penalty and warn. Okay. Okay. Um, also why is, why is Taylor Hawking?

This show is just about Hawking the guys alcohol products. It's important. We've got his top pop and we've got her Hawking Shep's friend, Day Chaser, which he also takes to the party later. So she pops open a beer and he's like, whoa, you're actually gonna have one right now. That's, you okay? She's like, yeah, it's just what I do now.

It's day drinking. Okay. I'm really upset, sorry Ronnie. I messed up my joke. Penelope Ann Miller, not Penelope Ann Moore. I mixed up, I mixed up. I didn't say anything because I was like, God, I'm stupid.

I just had a scene where I was calling Olivia stupid for not knowing what peasant is. And I was like, why don't I know who Penelope Ann Miller is? I mean, it's a lovely Ann Warren. So it makes up Leslie Ann Warren. So I pretend I never say anything and say, okay, I only approve of Penelope the dog if instead of drinking crop hop Taylor was drinking a Miller so as you could say it's Penelope and Miller

Okay, now we can go forward Well actually you'd like Penelope and Warren because there is a person of course named Penelope and Warren she's on Twitter her her name is Wandering Sanity. And the first thing I see on Google is that Wandering Sanity. I found a place to call home and my kids are my life. I mean, that sounds just like your perfect month date. Penelope. Penelope.

I don't know. I don't know. I just like love it. I just the idea of someone named Penelope and Warren is actually looking at me. It's actually exists and it's called wandering sanity. Oh my God, look at her picture. I just clicked on there. Why are we talking about this random, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, everybody. She's like a period of time. Oh my goodness. A wandering tent. Okay, I'm looking at her. I'm clicking on Penelope. I'm, oh, geez. Is she real?

She was. I hadn't gone in expecting lifelong celibacy, but it was probably for the best. Seven full hours worth of sleep was as close to pleasure as I was getting anytime soon. I mean, no one really needed sex, right? I'd gone almost two years without it. What was 50 more? Her tweets, she actually has a similar bond to something. She actually has like her tweets tell a whole she has like a series of tweets from 2019 and They just go and go I mean, I'm like this is Fascinating Penelope and Warren I hope she's okay. I'm a little concerned about it be honest. I'm following her

Okay, we're following our watch at crap. It's now we've got to keep up with her. This is really interesting. She hasn't posted since 2020. Oh my God. I hope she's okay. I'm gonna take her. Here's her last tweet. My hand brushing over the top of my youngest son's head. I've smiled down at his sleeping form, a tinge of sadness behind it. Sannock, Jaden or SJ was growing up so damn fast.

It felt as if it felt as if it had been just a few weeks ago that I gave birth to my third and last child not eight Dash dash Let's go. Wow. This really she goes off. This is like a 20 20 It is like a whole story. Well, and I'll be we hope you're we hope you're with us and you're okay. I did not expect it hold on I'm gonna I'm gonna scroll to the end. I don't think she died by the end. Because this is where she says, I've gone almost two years without sex.

What was 50 more? I think this is like a sex account, but I don't see any of like only fans linked to you. This, I can't understand what it is. I cannot understand. Well, I hope she's okay. Penelopeon Warren, tweet, would you? Okay, you've got two worried old queens over here.

You're ancities. You're ancities on Twitter, need you to be okay. Oh, Penelope. Okay, oops, I just opened I to the accident. I'm a disaster. I just want to click on the wrong thing and now I've got it a whole. Why am I determined to just throw our entire show away?

I know, like by audience just goodbye just an LPL So Austin doesn't want to drink and drop hop because he actually knows what it tastes like and Taylor opens hers and she And she's like cheers to me, and he's like, so's last night good. And she's like, well, last night was good. Obviously I miss having you there. And then, I mean, he doesn't apologize for anything

after ditching her event. He just like stares at her. And she's like, okay, so, you're not gonna apologize, so how was the night for you? And he's like, oh, Chef Madison showed up to Whitney's and Chef was like, let's talk and I was like, all right, and then I told him We did kiss and she's like, um

That is not cool at all Olivia's reaction is not gonna be good and I asked you if I was a teller and you said no because she's not a good head space you if I was a teller and you said no because he's not a good head space and That's not fair. Oh my god stop fucking sticking to another man's crack you like went from one script writer to another Okay, I'm getting annoyed but also like fuck someone needs to go in there and help Taylor get out of there I'm fuck Austin cuz like yeah, she Taylor should just be thinking for herself and not protecting a douchebag like Austin. But also, Austin and Taylor have this secret that they know could devastate their friends and then he just goes and says it

and makes, now she looks like the asshole. Like whoever says it first is always gonna come off better than the person who doesn't say, like, because now that person looks like more of a liar when they lied equally. And that's just typical Austin. And then he's like, well, I had to get off my chest. So she's like, every time we talked about this,

awesome, you gotta stick to the script, you gotta stick to the script. And then we see last week that Taylor, as a reminder, like, Olivia literally, Taylor even said said we never even kissed. So even if you want to play the game like oh a kiss isn't a hookup she still said we didn't even kiss. Yeah because Olivia is like so I mean you guys talked to your family so why did you talk to y'all's family about it I mean if it was just a drunk and kiss like just tell me it was

it a drunk and kiss or anything like that promise me me, tell me it wasn't just even that. She's like, nothing, swear on my life. Swear on my life. Oh, awkward. So she tells us, so now my heart is quite literally in my asshole because I was looking into the eyes of one of my very good friends, line tour.

Okay, you've lost all credibility, you're done. Your credibility was already at a low because of Shep. Then it said another low because of Austin. But at least those two things, I can say, you know what, at the end of the day, poor Taylor still, because those guys are- I think they're dicks and douchebags, you know? I think they pray on her, they do.

I mean, I think that shoes in a much more vulnerable and confused situation than Austin was, despite everything that Austin says. And I think Austin probably did a pretty good job of manipulating her. And as much as I want to be like, just stop like sticking to another man's script, which I 100% agree with, I also can understand how she genuinely felt like Austin was a really close friend. And she is like weak in that way. And I think that like it just sucks that Austin puts her in this position and then he holds her out to dry. Like hangs out to dry.

Like that's so fucked up. Like what a dick. Yeah, but she stole a total ass all too. So, you know, welcome to the show, you'll fit right in. Ha ha ha. So Austin's, so then, but then on top of that, Austin goes, well, I'm sorry that it hurts you, but it's fucking suck, but I've never felt more liberated.

And there it is. There is a typical fucking awesome. Like, not like I'm sorry I put you in this position. Like honestly, if I were Austin, like, I don't know, I would be like, I'm sorry I put you in this terrible position. What can I do to help this? Because I know you're gonna take it really hard and you know, it's not cool that I just, I said it first without you and now you're gonna look bad. He's just like, well I feel great and because I said it to Shep and like I'm another guy and we have professional conduct like he's said I'm a work cool so good luck to you bye. Yeah my god so then we go to she's crying you know and I can't feel sorry for her. I do feel a little sorry. I'm not gonna lie. I do feel a little sorry for her, but I'm refusing too,

because- Oh no, seriously about this, but I feel sorry for her at the same time. Two things to do. If it weren't for the last week, lie, I would feel sorry here. Yes. But I can't, I mean, I just can't. So then Madison comes to Patricia's house.

You know, I'm getting better about having't. So then Madison comes to Patricia's house. You know what, I'm getting better about having sympathy or empathy, depending on what kind of grammar you're into. But I also need to get better about just handing, not handing it out to people who don't deserve it. I think this is a case where I can say, even though I don't believe Austin and oblivious relationship was even real, that's not the point and that's supposed to be your friend and you suck in this situation.

And you still wouldn't have told her even today had you not been forced out by Austin. So no, I will not give it to you. So we go to Madison, we go to Mass and goes over to Patricia's and she's like knocks at the door when you say, we don't accept Mormons at all. Oh, shut up, beta. And so she walks in and she's like knocks at the door when you say, we don't accept Mormons at all. She's shut up, beta. And so she walks in and she's like,

Hi, Patricia. She's like, hey there, cutie pie. What's going on? Oh, do I see champagne? Because I know one thing I don't see, Randy. Apparently he's still hiding from the broom. He thinks it's a witch. So I'm trying to get him out of the cell up

for three days right now. Did you hear us downstairs last night? Not only did I hear you, the house was vibrating, but then I realized, no, the house didn't vibrate and Paul Randy just got stuck trying to leave the boundaries and his collar went off. Well, that meant, that meant, that meant, that meant when I walked in. And so, oh good Whitney, I'm glad you're using the coups. That makes it a lot better. It's not trash, you like the fleets.

Hey, I'm glad you did this because you came over because all the liquor was consumed. So, and Madison's like, Well, I was gonna confess the him tail hook that, right Whitney, right? And Whitney's like, well, Austin confessed the him tail hook that right with me right and when he's like, Oh, God Patricia goes, oh, and then there's a nude photograph she sent you, but I guess we're not talking about that Taylor Taylor is a full mess. She is a mess. Also at what point does H.R. get involved? I mean, I know this is Southern charm,

but the history on this show is not good. Like, Catherine, it's like, do you have to sleep with Whitney to come on the show? I mean, there's nobody gonna say anything about this. This isn't, I, this isn't good. I'm gonna tell her, she should not be on reality TV right now. I think she needs to be back home with her mom,

you know, going to church and, you know, feeling all those things. Cause she seems like she is a wreck right now. So Whitney is like, he's like, well, I don't know what the hell mother's talking about. Forget it. It was a friendly thing. It was a friendly new picture.

It's okay. Yeah, it was a friendly thing. It was a very friendly thing. But also, Taylor's stuff aside, okay? Let's just give Taylor the benefit of the doubt and say, you know what, Taylor's just broken at this point and she's just acting out and doing whatever she needs to do, okay? Just put that. Who shows their mother dudes that people send them? What the fuck? Yeah, that's, I mean, there's a lot of questions in this whole thing. And so so Patricia's like well, of course

I asked we need to see the photograph and there's something written on the bottom of the photograph. It says Come one come all which implies well I don't want to I don't want to think about what it implies. Let's just say Randy better bring a mop to clean up that mess let's just say Randy better bring a mop to clean up that mess. Oh, so Whitney is like, yeah, well it was, I mean, it was just right after Chef Brookhub, so maybe to get Chef Histoff, which yeah. And, order to get a solid booking on the show that you're the producer on. Whitney, I mean, Jesus, come on.

Come on, this shouldn't be fair. I need human resources, come on. Spits, come on. This shouldn't be fair. I need human resources to step up. Someone tell me the name of human resources over there. I'm calling them. I'm calling Patricia. No, that's Patricia's on this show. Who would the name of, who do you think human resources on Southern Charm is probably just like

peg with the mustache on. Hello. What's your concern? So, um, Madison tells us... Patricia went in the yard close, but I don't know there were close enough to share needs of the chicks that are sliding in his deems. So, there you go, Ron, and you're not alone. You're not the only one who's, who's gobsmacked by this.

So it's like, oh, it was just a joke. It was just joke. Well, if you think it's nothing, I'll go ahead and release masex tape then. It's basically me watching what's the name of this? Oh, it's me watching Randy try to stack coups in a pyramid and then poor champagne perfectly down and fill them evenly and his toe is connected to a little wire of electricity so that if a drop gets on him, he dies. And the twist is that all those coups are stacked on top of Chauncey, the dog. So, when he's like, go to mother, everything's fine. She's a sweet girl. She's a sweet girl. Come on, come on, Ampestress. She's like, well, she's hawk and Jesus and good. This

will then send a nude picture. She doesn't sleep when with everyone else's boyfriend. I mean, sweet. She's a sweet girl. Sweet. Sweet, she's a sweet girl. Sweet. I'm gonna loss. Some Madison's just cracking up. So, uh, Mass was not expecting to hit me on the, on this gold mine. She was like,

I just was gonna come over and talk to you. I do a little scene. I didn't think I'd have all this gas, but I'd be able to talk to Vanita and Charles about. So now we go to shop, meeting Craig at a restaurant. So many baseball caps on the show. I just write it over and over because I'm always gobsomacked. It's just how many there come me.

And Chef is ordering and he's like, I'll order a drop. Echalia. I was like, oh, I love the, I love the Trap Hop mislead. That was great because you know, Austin got really excited watching that back. Like this thing why he went drop a Kelly instead of Trap Hop. I'm gonna get crazy and have shrimp up,

bro, and shrimp is that not? Is that not of me? And ladies like, it's on, it's on the menu. So they order and Craig's like, Austin called me this morning and I actually got like a pissed off after that phone call and we see a clip of the phone call and Austin goes, you know, my question to you, Craig, Craig, Craig, we shocked, we shocked, come on Craig, we even shocked the seven. Well, because you lied to me the last six months and I gave you the benefit of the doubt.

So I guess I'm like a little shocked and also another thing is we hold on a second, what am I supposed to say, Paige? That's not a good friend. Oh, sorry, did you have something else to say, Paige? You will be in a grave 19 feet deep. If you ever try and pull that shit with me, I'm just telling you that right now. You you you're going to be in a grave since you were 19 years old. If you I just took the master bedroom closet. I'm taking the master bedroom Austin. Comey never never call me. What was that?

What are you even talking about? I said burpee shrimp isn't that nice? So I'm crying because like you know what Austin he gets himself in these situations and gets mad at everyone else for calling him out. I'm like, that's literally every single one of you guys, but also true. And so Shep is like, well, I do respect him for his honesty. And by honesty, I mean, lack of honesty until he was forcing to a corner. And then begrudgingly told me something.

Well, Shep is trying to push through this and like, I know he wants to seem like he can't be bothered, but I know that he's bothered. And like, you know, this takes brushing stuff under the rug to like a new level. Which by the way, I now make rugs for sewing down south and I also offer a brush. So if you want to brush things under them, you can visit my store or brick and mortar. So he's like, so are you going to still hang out with Austin like right away? Are you going to be mad for a while? And she's like, well, it's a good question, but we have a fucking doon or this. I have this fucking fastened that I killed because I killed a fastened and I want everyone to eat them. So I invited everyone, you know, and I just don't everyone eat them? So I invited everyone, you know? And I just don't care. Like, I don't need, you know, except everyone,

except Leva, Madison, Fondini, Duh. You know, Rod. I mean, Rod Rigo can come, but not Rod. Um, anyone else, Whitney, Patricia. By the way, what is going on with Lisa and Caleb, the people who host this Vez and dinner, that chef is so up their ass, they must be very wealthy, because he is all about this Vez and Caleb, the people who host this fest and dinner, that chef is so up their ass, they

must be very wealthy because he is all about this fest and dinner and he's all about people acting properly at the fest and dinner. He is trying to impress these people. Yeah, he is really trying to impress them and they're really trying to be on the show, which I get. But I think chef sometimes is probably just lonely and he's just like a little rich kid out there shooting things. And this couple is like,

hey, you can bring it over and we'll cook it, you know? It's like, I think sometimes that's all you need. Somebody who will cook your dead shit. But I also think that like Shep lives in two worlds. I think Shep lives in the Southern Charm world, but then he also lives in his like super wealthy, you know, Charleston, you know, old money world.

And I think these people are probably in that world and he probably does not mix them. He does not, I don't think that he willingly mixes Craig at Craig in Austin and with the people that he was raised with who have like a lot of money. And so when he mixes the world, he's probably like very nervous because in that world, he probably cares a lot more about what people think of him, but in the Southern Charm world, he's

just like the really rich kid who everyone else is kind of just like a joke to him. Yeah, I could see that. They were very boring. I'll say that. I mean, they were basically from the cousin Marcy School of Castles. Yeah, Caleb was very boring. I'm sort of obsessed with Lisa because I'm like scared of her just watching it.

Like I'm scared because she had that like big eyes and big grin that's like, you're gonna fucking do what I say you do in my house. But she's like, come on in. Come on, you have to have either red wine or white wine with this. That's all I'm gonna serve you. I was like, I'm scared of her.

Here's my thing. She hasn't really taught her husband how to eat properly, so I don't buy that because her husband eats with, her husband eats with his mouth open and stuff flopping out of his mouth. So that's because you're afraid of Caleb who, but he has to like eat gentleman because he bites down on a bullet.

Okay, we'll get to that. So, yeah, I'm not afraid of Lisa. I don't think she has very many rules. That's what I'm saying. I've seen how your husband is. I'm scared of her. So, like, yes, Lisa's coming for you. You better hope she didn't listen to this.

Because you're dead. A Markman. So Craig's like, yeah, but I just want to know, like you shouldn't be inviting your ex-girlfriend to dinner. And he's like, you know, I'm just a come one, come all kind of a guy. Which is crazy because that was the same caption that Taylor put on her picture. Yeah, I just realized that. I actually emboldened that so I wouldn't even forget that point because I was like,

I cannot believe that we had that back to back, that chef just said, I'm a come one, come all kind of person. Wow. Weird. Yes. So Craig is like, um, to try to force yourself into celebrating with people that have hurt you so bad is just like not healthy. He's like, I'm not bothered, you know, I'm really not bothered whatsoever. Um, as he's like, did Shep send the picture to Whitney? I'm sorry. It's detective. That can't be an accident that we just had a scene where they said she sent her picture,

she sent her nudes and they say come one, come all. And then the very next scene, she's like, you know, I'm a come one, come all kind of a guy. Is that ship like sending revenge porn to Whitney? I don't, hmm. I don't think so. I don't know, I don't know, probably not. I mean, there's about proof of that.

I'm just asking, because it's weird. Yeah, let's just like get ourselves into more trouble on this episode. You're with that in my quet ever. So Craig, yes, that basically Craig's like, this is gonna explode. So now we got a Craig's house and Paige is arrived. She's like, oh, home sweet home and by home sweet.

I did say come all. So sorry. Oh wow, home sweet home and by home sweet. I did say come all. So sorry. Oh, well, home sweet home and by home sweet home, I mean, Yuck gross, Yuck. I mean, wow, your home is really gross. Would that fit on a wooden sign? Stitch that on a pillow. You fucking loser.

So, uh, page comes over in some pants that looks like she's afraid of electricity near her legs. I'm not sure if I'm right from the bottom of my sleeve. She's wearing like tinfoil pants. That would be the worst thing to wear if there's a lot of electricity down there. Yeah, she's afraid of electricity, like the guy in Breaking Bad, who is allergic to electricity, wasn't he wearing tin foil covers and stuff? I like tin foil conducts.

Not breaking bad, a better call so. But tin foil would conduct electricity. I know, but it was something that, I don't know, it was something silver. Anyway, who cares, I'm just trying to recap. Okay, so Craig's like, so yeah, you know, anyway kissing your ex-boyfriend's friend is becoming very incestuous, right, right, page.

I'm just like, you guys are weird. So I'm gonna ask you're in the word weird that we will now all use 30 times for the rest of this episode. I can't believe I've had it just down here. Like New York is awful, but at least we're consistent and at least we were black, griss. So they go inside.

We find out, yeah. She has her own bedroom now. She has one of the guest rooms because she just needs to get away from Craig and have her own closet. She's like, wow, I love having my own room. He's like, I can still come in, right? She's like, now?

No, no. What I got to do is I like this room because it's like the size of a New York City apartment, and I just like pretend that there's like an obon pot in the hail and hardy downstairs. I'm like, that there's like an Obam Pond in the hail, but hail and hearty downstairs. And I'm like, ah, good. Back in Manhattan.

And then I open my eyes and I just see like permanent fall outside. And I'm like, gross Charleston. So, um, basically, it's like, I love her because she's a Yankee. So then we go to shop and little craigs from Delaware. I just want to point out. Yeah, that's he's another, you know. I just want to point out, yeah, that's he's another, you know, Craig has always wanted this southern charm life, you know, he's just gonna do it.

Yeah, she's 5D. So, yeah, so, a page is like, yeah, I've got snacks, don't, whatever, she's like, don't look at the drawer, I've got snacks and they're just like some lays in there. So, yeah, then I was time, Shep is with now little Craig and he's like, don't look in the drawer. I've got snacks and there's just like some lays in there. So yeah, then I was time, Shep is with now little Craig. And he's like, hey, little Craig, do you know where we are? It's our friend's house.

Come on in, little Craig. Craig's like, I don't know where I am. I'm a dog. Every place looks the same to me, okay? Every house seems to have a big staircase where we can even get into it. Can someone please have a doorway on the first floor? Thank you very much.

Oh, I can't wait. I don't know. Oh, I can't wait. You can't wait, oh, I can't wait. My sister is my daughter. That's fade done away, Slaps, little Craig. Ha, ha, ha, woof, my sister, woof, my daughter, woof, my sister, woof, my daughter. What are you talking about?

Jack Nicholson. I can be a Jack Nicholson. Chinatown. Oh, that was out of contact. That must have seemed very strange. You know that famous scene? You're like, what? I forgot, Chinatown.

There's a famous scene where fate, I don't know why the character is talking about somewhat. And she goes, she's my sister. Jack Nicholson, like, slapster. It's like, because she's my daughter. And she slapster again. She goes, she's my sister. And she slapster again.

And she goes, this is my daughter. And then she slapster again. And she goes, she's my sister. And my daughter is like a big moment. It's like a super famous scene. It's actually so ridiculous when you actually describe it, but I was just trying to touch on some of Lil Craig's incestuous health issues.

This is Lil Craig starring in the dog version of Chinese tab. Okay. So Lisa's like, wow, look at Caleb. That's Caleb over there. Caleb, you've been cooking all day, right? Caleb's like, so we see a creepy Caleb over there working with the fessants. And it's like, one of the things I, yeah, I don't really trust a way he's cooking it either, but we'll get to that later. One of the things I love about hunting is, you know,

bringing it to people I know who know how to cook and Caleb cooks better than almost anyone I know. Gosh, I'm considering that the only people you know are us and Craig, I don't think it's a very high bar. Gosh. So, Paige and Craig are first and- Paige is so happy. They go age. In all her time being on Southern Charm, anytime she's guested, she has always seemed so miserable and just counting the seconds to go back to New York. But now that she's actually in a proper nice house

and she spots good fixtures and some sophisticated people, she has a smile that is going from year to year. She's like, oh my God, wow, this place is gorgeous. Oh my God, wow. By the way, this is like what my mom always says before we go to dinner parties. Now act right. Then she would also say, and remember to smash that like button

and like and subscribe. Mm. So it's also her first day. So she's not really sick of it, I think. That's true, right? She just got there by tomorrow, she's gonna make, hi, you want some breakfast in bed? I want some breakfast and I hope you, So she's not really sick of it. I think that right. She just got there by tomorrow. She's gonna make I Just gonna you want some breakfast in bed. I want some breakfast and I hope you that be great

Oh, so she goes in I also she's much happier tonight because I was gonna say that and she's like thank God She's been waiting thank God so long Yeah, she's like you're like a piece of driftwood Yeah, she's like you're like a piece of driftwood Titanic. I'm basically gonna lie on US Kate Winsett while I watch Dress of these Leo de Caprio's round. Okay, he's good. I'm just with me. Um, oh wait your drift would never mind. I'm on you Yeah, no, I thought the same thing page was so thrilled that there was a gay to talk to like the entire episode She is just like smiling and laughing with the gay like happier than she ever has been. Hmm. So let's see.

So Taylor comes in with boxes of day chasers. I hope Taylor is getting paid while for this day chasers thing. So she comes in and Craig freaks out to see Taylor write and she's like, look at me. I'm crying. We were a family one time. We're so vulnerable. I'm a man with a dog during shooting times. I love going to cry when the dog sees the woman I wouldn't make my wife. And it does a strange exaggerated wiping the tears away. I think he like slaps his eyes. He slaps like you're gonna give him some black eyes, right?

Come down. Not mine it. He's like, he can't three pounds while you're gone. You're missing so much. So then awesome shows up and Caleb is in the corner talking about like, yeah, so I sous vide the fessant first. I'm like, okay, I don't I don't like your cooking methods already and You're gonna sous vide the fessant and then finish on the grill. Okay, we've heard that right We've heard that on top chef. I'm not a top chef

So I'd love to cook not you know, probably not great at it, but I'd love to cook Gross, this sounds terrible. Feson is already this little tiny thing with not a lot of fat. I guess that's why you would sous-viet. I could see the sous-vieting part, but the grilling, and then they kept it on the grill forever. And then when we see people chewing it, they're like,

I agree, I felt like it was on that grill for a very long time. I looked like it was on the same time. It wasn't good, Caleb. This is a dry bird you're making. I can just tell. So cut the feson trees. Caleb, please pack your knives and go. Caleb, you're eating with your mouth open, idiot.

How did today go for you? Did you mean to keep the feson on the grill for as long as the feson was actually alive? Okay, so, so Rodriguez, Austin comes over. And he's like, whoa, shut up, jackas, it's me, it's like, South Africa baby. And then Rodriguez, going to his boyfriend arrived

and this were pages so thrilled. She's like, oh my God, I want you to come over because I want to show you the couch I picked out for Craig. I want to drop it on his head. Tell me what you think. And Tyler goes, you know, I've never eaten fethnets. He goes, oh my god, I love you already. You're gay and don't understand happening. Let's please sit down together.

Okay, who do you want to make fun of first? Okay, let's look at that one over there. Oh, kind of says Steve, am I right? Okay, I knew we'd be both agreed. And so why is your boyfriend in a bit in a backwards baseball cap? I love that even gay guys are stupid and trust him. You want to laugh about it? Come on. Let's go sit the coordinator together. So chef, Paul Taylor and he's like, so I think you know about Austin and I as conversation and obviously a really bad decision on several

different levels. And Austin told me that y'all hooked up and I'm like, whoa, like this whole like really bad decision on several different levels. And Austin told me that y'all hooked up. And I'm like, whoa, like this whole like, really bad decision on several different levels. Already I'm kind of mad at Shep because it's like, so Austin gets a pass like, oh man, you know I get it. But like, he's coming in hard on Taylor. I don't like that at all. Like they get whatever I say about Taylor,

whatever I say about Taylor being wrong in the Olivia situation does not apply to Shep. Again, I have to stress that, fuck Shep. You don't have any right to say to get mad at who she makes all the way to be chill about Austin. I'm not even careful about your best friend. Who cares? I'm either be mad at, if you're gonna be mad at Taylor,

you should be equally mad at Austin. But if you're gonna be chill with Austin, I don't think you should then be nasty about it to Taylor. Well, he's not being nasty. He's just expecting her to fall all over herself apologizing to him. Like, it's so funny how he's just like, so entitled to this apology.

Well, I guess you really made a huge decision on so many fronts hooking up. And she's like, we didn't hook up. We just kissed. There's a difference. He goes, okay, well, you know what, I have a hard time believing. Hey, one just kisses and this day and difference. He goes, okay, well, you know what, I have a hard time believing, hey, one just kisses and this day and age.

I mean, everyone tears each other's clothes off this day, this day and age. And she's like, don't you remember that you said you just kissed all the girls that you cheated on me with? He's like, okay, okay, well, I gots real flood then. No, you're a piece of shit. Then you cheated on her with a million people and now you have the nerve It's not only come up to her and talk to her about this shit about making out with some of this none of your business

You do it while you're licking dead bird off your fingers. You fucking pig get the fuck out of here So then all of a sudden shop tells us I do not want the image of Taylor and Austin kissing gosh gosh it's in my brain So Taylor and Austin kissing. Gosh, gosh, it's in my brain! So Taylor then says, I just, I wanna say, I apologize, but I feel like I don't owe you that and we're two single people. And like, we were in a very vulnerable Jesus crutchless position

and we were like not in a good place with either one of you guys. So that's why we did it. You were in a good position with Olivia. with either one of you guys, so that's why we did it. You were in a good position with Olivia. Yeah. So whatever, I'm still on your side versus Shep, but give me a fucking break. And you were both in a bad place.

How was Austin in a bad place? Austin wasn't in a bad place. You weren't a bad place. Don't stick up for Austin with the same time. That's a page inside watching this and a huge grin on our face. She oh my god this is amazing can I say one thing? Shap like laughs her like he loves her and like you can tell by the way he looks at her he just like can't wait to get back together with her so we

can cheat on her again he just is like in love with her. Well Austin and Craig and Paige are all thrilled. They're all loving this. Yes. Disgossip, especially Austin, you know, because Austin set all of this in a motion and he loves the mess. And he's like, yeah, well, I've been telling you that for ages, the ship really likes our blog. And Paige is like, so don't you do you love her? What's going on? He's just a new normal life because like she's, uh, uh, uh, a very good friend, very good friend, but it's not more than that, you know, uh, it's just, it needs to be like that. We get a solid page.

Don't believe that for a second, but that's fine. So chef is like, I'm just doing my best. Like, but I'm terrible at it sometimes. Well, I appreciate you having this conversation. And I don't take advantage of not me being kind to be like, oh, hey, don't take advantage of me to be like, hey, I'm good with Taylor. So I'm going to go pick up this other girl. And if you do do that, do it with Day Chaser, available in the beverage department of your local aggressor. My favorite flavor is So then we go to page and page is like sell what about Olivia then and Austin's like, you know

I haven't spoken to Olivia which is totally blah blah Cuz you know I sit with myself and I'm like, oh my god, I feel great except for Olivia You know and I shouldn't even be worried. Austin just put Taylor in this huge, discharitable position. He's like, I feel great, I feel great. You know, except for Olivia. But I shouldn't even be worried, because Olivia doesn't fucking talk to me.

But in a perfect world. Olivia doesn't talk to you because you're an absolute jackass. This is not gonna make it much better. She's actually doing the thing that we've wanted so many people on this show to do, which is just to, like, not even talk to us. Just, like, much better. She was actually doing the thing that we've wanted so many people on this show to do, which is just to, like, not even talk to us, just like move on. Like, how many times you're like,

just get out of, like, stop talking to Austin, move on, do something with your life. Olivia's actually doing it, and I kind of have to really applaud her for doing that for now at least. So, yeah, Austin's like, you know, but she was upset. Taylor's upset with me because she doubled down with Olivia.

Like Olivia asked her again, and she doubled down. And Paige goes, what? So Olivia asked her, hey, did you hook up with Austin? And Taylor said no twice. And he's like, yeah, and she's like, ah. Oh my God. That's so good. I love this show.

Where did that gay go? Where did that gay go? Hey, you people are shameless. That's so good. I love this show. We're gonna go. We're gonna go. Show that gay thing. Hey, you people are shameless. Hold on one second. Don't see anything. I have to inform that gay guy. Hey.

Yeah. She said it twice. Yeah, I know. It's hilarious. Okay, we're back. We're ready for more. So then, Shep is talking to Taylor and I don't know whatever guy. And he's like, oh, I told Olivia she should come.

And Taylor's like, no, I just don't want her to be in her head, because she's gonna get here in the world here and then pray told her to come. Yeah, but I don't wanna have a fight. This is a place of joy though. Oh, it's like, no, it's not. This year, you totally invited them all so they could have a public breakdown.

And you could look like the poor vulnerable chap who's the one getting fucked up. Exactly. So pages like, so I think that what you should do, okay Taylor, I mean Austin, I think the best for you is to be sympathetic, empathetic, and just all the the all the the thetics. I don't know if you can be athletic, that may be too late for you, but just be like, you're right, I'm wrong and I'm sorry, and leave it like that. And try to make sure your lips move in sync with actually your mouth.

And I think that will help a lot. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So then Taylor, Olivia comes, and so Austin's like, oh my god, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?

The fesent is still on the grill. By the way, this fesent has been on the grill longer than this recap. It's been going on. I do not trust the fesent is sawdust. So Paige is like, oh my God, Austin, I hate being in charge of you too. Okay, it's like enough, too much. So I'll say, but what do I do?

What do I do? Which is, by the way, this whole thing that Austin does is such bullshit. It's this, it's this shraid of being like, oh, I'm kind of like, I'm innocent. I don't know, I'm so, I'm so nervous. I'm so concerned about the other person's feelings. I don't even know how to conduct myself.

It's like, no, you know exactly what you want to do. Because the moment you open your mouth, you're always rude and obnoxious. And you yell at people and you try to make them feel bad. So Taylor's like, okay, I'm going to go pull her aside right now. I'm going to get it done. And he's like, no, no, I'm going to say how to work first because like, this is my doing my last chance. No, you're not.

And but she's not me. So she's like, okay, but you have to own up to the fact that you told me not to say anything. That doesn't matter. It doesn't make you less of a snake and a bad friend. Taylor, but okay. Now you're gonna send him over there to make her even more pissed.

No, you get in front of it. So Taylor and Olivia hug, and she's like, I'm really glad that you're here. I'm really glad. And I don't know if you wanna like, well, okay, I'm really glad that you're here. I'm really glad. And I don't know if you want to like, well, okay, I have to be honest with you. I have to be honest. That's why I wanted to talk to you this morning, because I didn't want you to walk in and like be the only one not knowing, because like that's not like fair to you.

Remember when I tried to talk to you this morning, flashback? Flashback anyone? And then we see a clip of her calling in Olivia just saying, Oh, I don't know. If you want to just like talk at dinner and so you know, to get it, got to get it on camera, Olivia's no dummy. So then Taylor just boards out. The truth is we did kiss Mango Day Chaser, day or nine.

Olivia still has her jacket, her, her strange like tan and what tan and cream jacket that looks sort of like it should belongs in like the mask or nine. Olivia still has her jacket, her strange like tan and what tan and cream jacket that looks sort of like it should belongs in like the mask or something and she's still standing by the like the sub-zero refrigerator has barely walked into this party until her hasn't even taken her to another room so everyone's standing right there and Olivia's face falls and then it got to the page, she was like, oh my God, just inject this into my veins. It's so God. Olivia's like, so where did y'all kiss in New York? And she's like, at his house. Okay, so then y'all were like, oh wait, we kissed, but then after that y'all were like, we don't like each other.

She's like, well, it was drunken and then we talked about it, and then we had a conversation, and I said, I think I'm lost in the emotions. And it also was like a few few ways, I can't hear this, there's too much, I can't hear anything else. And Paige was like, shh, I'm trying to listen in.

Like, how will I know to tell the story to other people if I can't hear it? Shh. Oh my God, this is so awkward right now, because we're in the room right now with everyone here, and this is just so awkward, it's so weird. Correct. Yeah, sorry, we're all listening in right now, so it's sort of awkward for you.

I'll be like, what, Twilight Zone are we in? This is so fucking weird. Page is like, um, okay, I don't know why I have to be the one to say this, but there's literally a living room. Why don't you guys get out of the couch, because this is just, um, okay, I don't know why I have to be the one to say this, but like, there's literally a living room, like, why don't you guys go to the couch, because like, this is just like too weird, even for me. Go over to the couch so you don't feel like people are watching. Okay, wait, move, move more to the left. Okay, can you see Greg?

I can see too. Tyler, what do you think about that couch? I'm just sitting on it. Tyler, is that better a person than the one that I come for? Tyler. Who has more personality? Taylor? Olivia? I'm going with the couch.

Literally the couch constring census better. So now they moved into a new room. So Olivia's, Taylor's like, Olivia's like, oh my God, that was so awkward. Everyone could hear and Taylor's like, well, that's why I wanted to talk this morning. I mean, that was the first time ever on the show that someone did, hey, I'm just in the neighborhood. And then you said, I don't want to meet up. Like, that's not the way it's supposed to work.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. So Olivia's like, it's not even the kiss. It's just been months. And y'all could have told me like months. And now I'm walking into this like a fucking idiot. And what is a fessant? Olivia, don't feel bad. You've walked into a lot of things looking like an idiot. So she's like, I mean fuck him. Cause Taylor's like, well I know I've been listening, you know, I know it's been months that I've been lying to you, but I was listening to

him. He was basically telling me not to say anything and she's like, fuck him. Why are you listening to him? I don't give a fuck about him. He's literally scum with the earth to me. And she's like, yeah, there's like so many levels of betrayal here. Like, you know, you lying about it when I asked you about it. We see a clip of that again. And I put my hand. I will put my hand on a Bible, which people love to say on this show. And Olivia is saying, um, faked ears. And I'm just hoping she's going to say something to make sense of this bullshit, but she's not. And she goes, I hate this. It's so weird. Yeah.

And weird. And Taylor's like, this is why it took me such a long time to tell you, because yes, I lied. And that's not a good friend. But like I doubled down because I was like trying to protect him. And she's like, why are you trying to protect? Why aren't you trying to protect me and my feelings? Tell her the truth, but not all the truth.

That's shitty. If Chef told me, I'll tell me something like that, I would punch him in the face. And Chef's like, whoa, you know what, we need to eat now. It's time to squash this fesson. I think it's been on the grill three hours. They need to finish their conversation that I had this party just so they could have.

Like, okay, so now you're gonna cut them off purposely so they can't finish the conversation, which actually leads to delicious TV. So thank you. I think the scene this leads to is much better than whatever crap you're trying to eat. Yeah, so my story. Yeah, because it seemed like Olivia and Telly were actually making some sort of inroads, but then Shep just basically goes in and it was like, because Shep is like, because Olivia says to know that a friend that I actually care about is having conversations with him, I'm not telling me something, like that fucks up our friendship. And it's like, it's not him, it's like fuck him. I just care about you.

And it seemed like they were about to start connecting in that way and then Shep is like, girls, girls, guys, girls. I understand that you're talking about something, but there's fesent that's been roasting on a grill for 45 hours. We have to eat it. Come on, let's eat. And then Olivia's like, I feel like I'm having dinner with the Adam's family. Okay.

I don't know. Where do they find these people? Fire, fire. So they get food and Lisa goes, okay everyone, what are you having for wine? Cause you have to have red or white with this food, McGwale, way to be specific. You should be a server, you should be a song. Yeah, and so then, so everyone sits down at the table

and Austin's like, next to me, and he's like, what a weird time to bring something up. And Paige goes, a weird time. And she just smiles like, yeah, it's so great. Thank you for doing this for me. That's weird, guys. The word of the episode, weird. So she's like, okay, let me say a few words.

Everyone here is a good person. Punitive, cumulative, Vietnam. Just some words I like throwing around every once in a while. Strokeham stances over the past few days made things weird between some of us but screw that. And by screw, I mean, probably would Austin did the tailor even though they're still not admitting it. Now we all know what good people are, we are intrinsically. I don't think anybody would accuse anybody at this table of being intrinsically good-feeling, but my speech. Yeah, but let's just like ride that way, then be happy, because look at this beautiful house.

Thank you so much, Lisa and Caleb for showing us the sort of place that Austin will never be able to afford. So Craig's like, it doesn't matter how normal Chef tries to make this, it's very weird and very bizarre but mainly weird. Yeah, cause like we're eating this stupid, fessant and it's bizarre. And weird, I'm trying to make this art take out like weird, but I don't know if it's working. So they're all trying to figure out how to eat the chicken wing and pages like, um, there's bones. So you can't really eat it like a chicken wing.

And Austin's like, oh, I think I just ate a bullet. At least it's like giving them like a very intense stare and she's like, there are tiny bones. So be careful. Be careful. Okay, don't dare give us a bad night review. And chef's like, yeah, there's bullets, watch out! Everyone's like, yeah, we've watched enough top chef

to know when something is terrible, and that's, yes, food, because no one can even chew the food. You know, you learn how to read a food face, and the same thing. I do wish Padma were there. How do you eat this? Is this with a fork? I don't know. I do wish Padma were there. How do you eat this? Is this with a fork? I don't know what to do.

Wow, this is tasteless, even though it had about quadruple the preparation time is Taylor's brave. Did you mean to braid your hair like a bad dream catcher? What is that a dream dropper? Wow, I feel like this bird was on the grill for as long as Gal was inside a candy shop just putting everything in her bag. And by candy shop, I mean, a candy shop.

So now Austin's watching, because now, chef is sitting by Taylor, right? Yes. And Taylor is saying to chef, like, you know, it's just so weird that this is all over a kiss. You know I'm the makeup queen. And he goes, yeah, the kissing bandit.

She's like, mm-hmm. But since when did that happen? Which is another side of, yeah, not there's another side of Taylor that we're seeing. Like who is Taylor? Who is Taylor? And she'll go, Jesus, I just got an image in my head of y'all kissing again. Oh gosh, why do you keep doing this to me? My brain's gonna implode.

So then, she just shrugs and smiles like, that's right. So she's getting what she wants, right? Like she got, Chup all worked up. So now it's like, okay, so do these two just have some relationship where they fight or they try and like flirt with other people to get the other one pissed off?

It's like, is is this their love language? Starting to wonder what's going on on this so Austin's watching this and Austin's like oh god now they're all loving on each other Like and I'm like what like now they love each other where's that leave me and page pages like well Talk to her then and cuz I just hate when someone like tries to like have their moment it might expense I would you literally just try to have your moment and everyone expands. This is my, your victim, that's possible. It's all you do.

And Pagius, I would be, live it about that too, but more live it that you'd be at my event. And like, but that's like your ego. And like, you have to be more secure than that. Also, like, I only have another hour in me before I get tired. So if you're gonna have your scene, could you please do it now?

Thanks so much. So he's like, yeah your scene, could you please do it now? Thanks so much. So he's like, yeah, well, it doesn't make sense to me. How they could be so good. Like, I'm like, come on. And Olivia hears him because of course, he's being as loud as he can so that he can get into a fight with the woman. And then say it's not his table.

Cause you know, he loves that shit. It's not his fault. He didn't create the scene, right? So Olivia's like, shit, basically she's like, well Olivia's like, Olivia and Austin are like, they're good now. And tell us like, they can tell you and Olivia's like, well, I don't need them to tell me anything. And I was like, why not?

Why not? Olivia's like, I don't need to hear anything from you. He's like, oh yeah, what? Everyone seems to be peaching except for you guys. You know, I don't know why we can't be peaches. I just don't get it. She doesn't. You don't, what? Everyone seems to be peaching except for you guys. You know, I don't know why we can't be peaches.

I just don't get it. She doesn't, you don't understand what? Well, and they make it a boom, like it's a big solid Olivia meme. Well, while you're so unhappy with everybody, and you can't even come and speak to me. Meanwhile, by the way, Shep is totally cool with Austin.

And he's like, he's Austin upset that Shep and Taylor seem to be okay when he and Shep are totally fine. And I don't know. I just feel like Austin is not appreciating the fact that he is also one of the people who is getting off scoffery in this moment. So, you know, everyone's listening because the matter of fighting.

And then Shep is red faced and pissed off. So he gets up from the table and starts stumbling off. I think there was like a cookie delivery. By the way, I'm just going to say in between the start of the dinner and when everybody was talking before, because now everybody is suddenly just crazy. And Shepp is like red face and furious and Olivia saying things like, care about what are you even joking right now? At least it's like red or white, those eruptions.

And Craig's literally over there like, and chef, then now chef who has started this whole thing and brought everybody together to fight and then interrupted the girls while they were trying to make up is like, why don't you guys step outside? And Austin said, yeah, we'd love to, but she says she doesn't need anything from me. And he's like, so, so silly, I'm walking off. Yeah, he's like, and he's like, and tell us like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. So then Olivia and Austin go outside, Olivia's like,

okay, we'll get, get whatever, get whatever you need off your chest. He's like, well, I would like to. Just pull the thing go. And then, yeah, and then this is where Chef is being ridiculous and everything. There's a lot of stuff happening here. And then, Chef is like red face. Like, I can't believe this.

And Olivia is, so they go inside and Chef goes, please, go to the side. Just go to the side, that's fine, please, please, please, we're trying to have dinner. Like, he cannot believe that his dinner is being ruined by these bad men, and Tyler's like, I don't even know where to look. There's like eight things going on, and Paige is like, I know, it's like, I feel like I'm like a tennis match, and this is like amazing. Hey, do you want to just like leave here, and then just like make fun of everyone else, like, somewhere else? That'd be so fun. It's like a tennis match, but nobody really knows how to play. And they're just like trying to hit what sponges across

at each other. All I hear is like, splat, splat, splat. It's not very entertaining, but I really love the violence. So Craig is like, so yeah, there's like, Shep is like losing his mind, and he's like, and Craig is like, Shep, you're just because you're okay with what happened between Taylor and Austin,

does something Olivia has to be. Well, if you're okay with two people yelling at each other across a dinner table, it's like, Shep, you were literally the one yelling at the table right now. You just got up and screamed at your dinner guests and walked off, so when you're ready to listen. So Craig's like, well, when you're ready, listen, I'll tell you why.

And then Rodrigo starts to yell. He's like, what are you two doing? Shut the fuck up. Stop yelling right now. I just love all the meta yelling, all the yelling about yelling. And Shep's like, that's embarrassing. We are not red next. So he gets up and walks off all red.

So now Austin Olivia talking, and Olivia's doing this, like Austin's doing this, like oh, so sorry, it was the last person to talk to. I really wanted to, but Taylor said she wanted to talk to you first. So, you know, that's the only reason. It's like rubbing it in,

like not only did I not talk to you, but it's because Taylor wouldn't let me. Yeah, I don't live here. It's been months since we really chatted, chat-tid. So why is it now that you want to have a kumbaya moment and let's get back on track? He goes, um, and we're further away from being friends than we've ever been.

And he's like, Olivia. Olivia, I understand your frustration towards me for not working out the way we thought it was going to work out like Olivia. Olivia, I understand your frustration towards me for not working out the way we thought it was gonna work out, Olivia. And she's like, it's not about it not working out. Yeah, she's doing her Allie Shady jaw from Breakfast Club. She's like, it's not about that Austin, okay?

I was more bond. And the way you handled us as friends, that bummed me out more than this. And not only are we ignoring each other at bars, like I'm finding out about you and Taylor. And he's like, yeah, well, I tried talking to you the first time I saw you and just, oh really, yeah. You tried to talk to her the first time shooting started.

You tried talking to her the second you saw her on camera. And you didn't really try and talk to her. You literally hid behind the- Exactly. The whole party. And then she's like, well, we did talk. Remember I was polite to you and we talked about Christmas and we see at that party that he's like,

she's like, what do you need from me right now to make this a good day? He goes, I need nothing! She's like, okay, well then fine. We'll go our separate ways. All right, so she'll tell me what I'm missing. And he's like, it just bothers me that we can't be friends.

Oh, okay. So she yells at him. And she's like, if we were friends, this wouldn't be the first time I'm hearing about you and Taylor kissing and do not talk to me about being a friend. You don't know the definition of fizzing, do you?

We, what is it? Real seriously. Is anybody really gonna do it? I don't know what it means. I do want my life Olivia no matter what you say I still won't believe that you and I are not meant to be friends So She's like you know it takes a lot for me to not want anything to do with the person But that's where I am with you I'm like oh my god you guys never even liked each other.

Can we stop pretending that Austin and Olivia ever happened? These two have been so boring and bored with each other the whole time. Get back to the other. Yeah, exactly. And she's like, you know, it's baffling to me that she doesn't, that Taylor doesn't see what sort of person you are. Because between the two of y'all, the lies, it's unreal. It's fucking unreal.

And she's like, I'm sorry for that. I just, I don't care. Literally talking to you makes me want to vomit respectfully. And that brings us to the end of Southern Shaw. Well, at least Olivia spoke something that we all feel about Austin, you know. He makes us nauseous. He sure. I'm glad that, you know, again, like you picked him.

You picked him after watching him on this show for years and knowing he was gross, which is, I mean, it just makes you gross too. Austin's gross. Austin's gross. Austin always has been gross and Austin always will be gross. Yeah. Well, and on that note, everyone, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. We can be back on Monday with some Roni, etc. Thanks for being here and for listening and we'll catch you on the next episode. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Jim Sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. Ashley Sibone, she don't take no baloney. Strong in the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella.

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