Watch What Crappens - #2195 RHOSLC Greek Egg on Your Face

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

*This episode is available as a Patreon Crappens On Demand video!* Ben is out sick for this Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Recap, so it’s up to Ronnie to tackle Greek Easter, Whitney and Justin’s relationship, and Monica showing her ass (figuratively) in front of children. This week’s bonus episode is a Trailer Trash breakdown of Real Housewives of Potomac.Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, I've been watching you, Well, hello and welcome to Watchort Crappens, the podcast for all that crap. We love to talk about on your brops. Everybody, welcome to this show. I'm Ronnie and guess what I'm with today. It's actually very shocking. I'm not with anyone. Okay, where's Ben? Where's Benoons? Do they leave me?

Do they divorce me? He did not. He actually got appendicitis, so he's in the hospital getting appendix surgery. And if he comes back with new breasts, I just want to have been the first one to call it, because I don't believe for a second. He's just in there for appendix. Okay. But we're not going to find that out for a couple of days.

That means that for the rest of this week, you're just with me. Now that can be scary. It can be very scary, guys. Ben does a lot for this show. He's not only half of this show, but he is 100% the reiner end of me. So that's not existing. So if you could avoid, I really don't blame you.

Okay. Welcome to being just like every other person in my life. Okay, there is a reason that I'm alone forever. Okay, is it by choice? Possibly, mostly other people's choice, okay? And you'll understand why by the end of this recap. So let's get into it. Welcome to the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

Okay, so we open up the episode on the set of Orange is the New black. Yes, Angie K's prison home. This is a terrifying looking house, center block. It's a center block home, like an NGO. Now, I don't know Angie well enough from this show. She hasn't really shown us enough to really get to know. I know that she likes stupid glasses. I know that she acts like she's in a community theater production of something and hasn't quite learned her lines. But I do not know the rules of her house. I'm guessing one of them is not to drop this up because that is a

prison house. So she's in there and she's making Easter baskets. And it's not just Easter baskets, okay? They're invitations, and they're not just regular Easter invitations, you guys. It's Greek Easter. So what Greek Easter is, is it's about celebrating Christ, rising from the dead, because some people, they took Christ and they killed him, and then they put him in a cave, but in Greek Easter,

there was a dolema covering the cave, and someone with a gigantic miraculous appetite, it the do the Doma and let Jesus come back to life and escape into the world to give him just enough time to create Olympia Ducakis who changed the world of entertainment landscape forever. Oppa men. I am Greek. So I guess Greek Easter is kind of like regular Easter, but they play songs from Zorba the Greek or some shit once the boulder moves out of the way I don't know, but it's Greek Easter and I'm just gonna go with it. Okay So should you so this terrifying bunny comes to deliver all these Easter basket gifts to everybody and shocked them in real life The bunny is like sitting in the back of Heather's Range Rover All creepy like and And Heather gets into the car kind of how I get into the car. She just gets into the car and looks straight in

the back seat to make sure that there's nobody there. Which I feel like this woman is watched a lot of lifetime because I have. And that is how I get into cars. Because I just figure, you know, I think it's something about getting older where you're just like, there is possibly something there to kill me at every moment. But you know what, at this point, like, what am I gonna do, run? Like, I'm not gonna run. I don't run.

You know what I mean? Ever. Like, I don't run for a missing subway. I don't run if someone's chasing me. I'm not gonna ride. So instead, just deal with it. You know, you just look in the back seat, like, just where do you wanna go?

You don't even have to kill me. I'll just take you wherever you want. Okay. What do you want? Here's my purse. All right. I'm going to the home goods if you'd like a ride. So yeah, I think Heather is a face trick fears. The bunny comes to Whitney and shockingly, I don't know if Whitney thinks it like Justin has found a new king or whatever, but she jumps right on top of the bunny. And the poor thing barely got away. That's covered each other in chocolate. Of course, the bunny goes to Mary and her reaction is basically, you're ugly. Who'd trust you? So let's go over to urban hill restaurant for a Justin and Whitney date. Whitney opens that scene with her little dance like her bad dance and they're not really

playing any music, but you know that Whitney's just off the rhythm with that music. You know what I mean? Whitney with her opening dancing like a bridesmaid that's just never able to quite catch the beat of piano man. It's a really interesting way they decorated the restaurant because it's like column like platforms that you pass under but the platforms are all column like platforms that you pass under, but the platforms are all wine bottles. It's like you're buried in wine bottles, which is actually a perfect housewives crypt. This is how housewives should be buried. So Whitney comes in here and it's super awkward.

You know, first of all, they're going through a rough time in their marriage and I get it, you know, there's like ups and downs in every relationship. But I think it's also awkward because I think those two really, their love language was just fucking, you know, it was like the secretary,

it was like she was his secretary and then they started fucking at the office. And it was like hot, you know, because he's like married and like powerful. And she's, you know, sexy and young. And they were just like, yeah, so sexual. It's like, you don't talk a lot, you know what I mean? You just, it's all the sex part right at front,

which is, you know, not a terrible thing to base relationship on, but then you have to stay with that person and actually start talking to them. And I can't imagine really either one of them is the winner in that scenario. You know what I mean? I don't think they ever had a conversation.

I don't think ever, I don't think they ever had a conversation where one of them or both of them ever said Wow, that was a really good conversation. This was this was really worth it And you can tell a dinners like this, you know that their relationship is just not built on conversing because they order their drinks But then they don't do any talking so like they order their drinks and then it just cuts to them getting their drinks You know, that's a very bad sign Cheers Cheers to our first night, our first date night of the year. That that's fucked up, Justin. I mean, wow, how's your new gig?

And he's like, wow, feels great to be back at it for sure, you know, crazy to be in a full work routine again, you know, I managed to keep my spray tan time in there. That was just great. They didn't really let me wear any of the knockoff Gucci t-shirts that you purchased me to the office, which kind of sucks, but I did get to keep the new teeth in the spray tan. So that's been good.

It's like, you know, it's very overwhelming to balance all of this work and work life. She's like, I feel like I'm sinking because you come, like I come downstairs and then you come downstairs and then you just sit on the couch and you look at an Instagram. It's like, I'm not just on Instagram, honey. It's like, ah, just yesterday I was frantically cooking breakfast for the children and I have bacon on the stove and then Bobby and Brooks are screaming at each other and they need a referee, but I'm trying to cook breakfast and make lunches and meanwhile Rocky pees on my couch, so I hold my infinity necklace

and then I'm back, but then I realize I have the kids in a fight, I'm trying to get Rocky I forget about the bacon and then the fire alarm goes off and I look over and Justin is just sitting there on his phone God forbid, you get up and flip a bacon for me. Okay. This is a very long story, but this is what I'm saying about your relationship. Whitney, do you think Justin is surprised that you don't know how to make bacon? Whitney, this man's been living with you for years. I don't even live with you. And I know you don't know how to make bacon right. You flat out read as a person who doesn't know

how to make bacon with me. Okay, he's not surprised, okay? Do you need Justin to suddenly be surprised about things? It's not gonna be. So she's like, yeah, the other morning I needed help. And like, you just ignored me. And he's like, rather than validate the fact, yeah, then validate me.

Cause I need validation. And like, why wouldn't you just's like, rather than validate the fact, yeah, then validate me because I need validation. And like, why wouldn't you just be like, Hey, wait me, are you okay? He's like, I thought everything was okay. Why would you think everything is okay? It's just another day of burnt bacon. Burn bacon is literally the smell of normalcy in this house. I'm like, well, I always don't want to be the one having to bring things up. That's what I'm saying, because we have to talk about stuff, but then you don't

bring up stuff to talk about. So then I have to. And he's like, okay, but then I don't always like to be the one who's initiating sex. And she's like, this isn't about sex. Okay, you just said you want him to talk about his issues. That's his issue. He's a very simple person.

Okay. The man wants a spray tan, you know, somewhat burnt bacon to sex. And she's like, women have to connect to open up about sex. And so that's not working right now until you make some bacon, this booty ain't shaken. So then we get to the heart of the matter, which is that Justin is not wearing his wedding ring anymore and he went back to work and he's not wearing his wedding ring. He leaves it in the door every day and he just smiles at her. Like his response is like, yeah, why aren't you wearing your fucking wedding ring Justin? Okay. Whitney knows how she met you. Okay, she met you in the office while you weren't married to somebody else, sir.

Okay. And that's not even coming from a huge place of judgment, He knows how she met you. She met you in the office. You weren't married to somebody else, sir. That's not even coming from a huge place of judgment, but she knows what your ass is doing in the office and why your ass is not wearing a ring. This is a very, very bad sign. The fact that he's not even trying to come up with an excuse like, wow, maybe I lost a little weight and I can't fit it on my finger anymore. I don't want to get, I was getting a spray tan and I didn't want to get the little line on my finger anymore or I don't want to get, you know, I was getting a spray tan and I didn't want to get the little line, you know, on my finger, whatever. So that's why I'm not wearing it.

I mean, something, come up with something. But just to smile at her, but just to smile at her is not good. I don't know what to do to fix that quirk in action. Yeah, well, I'm sorry. I don't want you to fill that way. I'm done put on your fucking wedding ring, sir. Yes, you do want her to fill that way. Put your ring on. Oh, this is trouble. I hope Whitney is selling a lot of positivity necklaces. Okay, because she needs to get the hell away from this person. Not trustworthy, Justin.

Not trustworthy. Run Whitney. Okay. Now, look, is Whitney a ding dong? Yes, Whitney is a ding dong. Okay. Does Whitney start most of the crap on the show and get away with it every time? Sure.

Okay. Sure. Did Whitney get her husband in a questionable way? She did. Admittedly she did, you know? And that's okay. Does Whitney deserve to be treated like this? Absolutely not.

Whitney, you deserve better. Now, I will say, you know, you really need, when you're, okay, you know how there's the term dress for success, okay? When you're addressing somebody else, which Whitney does, Whitney is definitely a wife who dresses her husband, right? You can totally tell, and I'm gonna show you how in a minute.

But Whitney dresses her husband, and I feel like she's not dressing her husband for success. I think she's dressing him for douchebaggery. She's kind of setting herself up to be with the douchebag by dressing him like a douchebag. Now, let's look at this picture. This is on Crappenslow to band, by the way, if anybody wants to see this picture. This is a picture of Whitney. She was on, watch what happens live.

She brought Justin on. He is spray-tan to the gill. He's wearing his knock-off Gucci T-shirt. He's wearing a necklace that says Prada. He's wearing a jacket from God knows where. And then he's wearing a Gucci hat, but the Gucci hat is in the Louis Vuitton pattern. So I don't even know. It's like, Gucci, what is this?

Dush bag. This is a Dush bag. So you're addressing your husband like a douche and then you can't be surprised when he suddenly doesn't want to wear his ring. Now that said, I don't want a victim blame. I'm just suggesting that maybe start taking him to Costco and getting him some just very simple husband polos.

No one wants to fuck a man in those Costco polos and trust me, I have them all the time. I mean, it's basically like wearing a Chastity belt out in public. So just a suggestion, wit, because I love ya. So we get some curvy, hum music, and we go to the Wick Lab, which is a candle-making place. Are these real places that exist? I've never been to like one of these,

well, I've been to a build a bear, but there's a lot of places on real housewives. I just don't even believe are real places. A candle making place, and a lot of people are in there too, making candles. I mean, I do know some was making candles because candles are back. They're like literally everywhere. And can I just say to any of my friends who

are listening to this, a candle does not count as a gift. Please stop giving me a fucking candle. Okay. Every time I get one of those, I feel like you're just hoping I'm going to get drunk one night and leave that thing on and burn myself up in a fire. Okay. It's not a gift. Get me something I would actually want. Nobody wants your stinky ass candle, especially if you made it yourself. So anyway, we go there with Lisa and Angie to make candles.

So Lisa's like, look at us making candles. I candle people love that. I'm gonna make a candle called love that candle. I hear that people like to pour hot wax on themselves. It's a fetish but not for me. So they're smelling the different wax sense. There's one called bacon, which might I suggest while you're here, pick one up for Whitney. Is it properly cooked bacon? Can you just specify since you get to like make your own flavors at this place, give Whitney a perfectly baked bacon scent and some male Costco polos for Justin, and I guarantee you that marriage will be fixed in about five minutes.

But anyway, the sense of these candles are bacon and old buck and Angie's like, old buck smells like the Bible, like the New Testament, the New Greek Testament. It is like the old New Testament, but it is written by Neavardalos. I'm Greek. So Lisa wants to do linen and tulip smell, which of course she's going to pick like a Fibri smell. That's just so Lisa. And Angie is going to do Franken-Sense-Mur and clove.

Greek Jesus. She's really into her Greek Jesus thing today, so she's going to stick with her Franken-Sense and Mer. What was the other thing the wise men brought? Frankincense, Mer. But lava. So one of the candle ladies comes over and she's like, Hey, are you Jack's mom? I'm really close with Jack. Got it. Really like Jack. Could you ask him to cut his hair? It's really distracting. Oh, really? Yeah, I'm Jack's mom. Did you know that Jack is going on a mission? Did Jack tell you that before me? Seriously? What does everybody know before me? That Jack is going on a mission. Hey, kind of lady. Do you have a Taco Bell crunch Supreme Raps smells? And Jack could remember me when he saw this

mushroom. So they start mixing their candles and Angie's talking about her Greek Easter event. And Lisa's like, that invite with the bunny with South Yard. He came to my house and I was like, Hey, partner. Did you know that Jack is going on a mission before I died? And he died. And so I kicked him with the, I kicked him in the eggs. Hey, cried. Have you ever seen a bunny cry?

So Angie's talking about how she invited everybody to Greek Easter, even Monica. Though Monica is on thin ice, you know, and then we get a nice, a thin ice, a t's. And she's like, I invited her because I want to be inclusive, especially after what I went through in Palm Springs. You're not invited to Palm Springs in the first place, okay? You can't just show up somewhere, you weren't invited to, and then complain that it wasn't inclusive enough for you, okay? You weren't invited. You were literally not included. And Shawn was begging me to invite Mary death because he outknows all of her land from

seasons one to end three. But then we decided you do not get to come to our home when you are spreading cave rumors. Lisa's like, honestly I've never heard that Sean is gay. Who says that about their front? Angie, are you inviting her? Like, I'm really shocked a little bit. Like, why would you? Why would you?

Why would you bring Monica? Cause like, that's not someone I would be like, Hey, come learn about the savior's resurrection with me. Now, of course, Lisa is going to do everything to turn Angie gets Monica because Monica is constantly calling Lisa out, you know, and that's how this all works. But Lisa's not really wrong. So then we go over to Mary's house and Mary has been trying to microwave food but doesn't really understand how microwaves work and so she's confused as to why her food's not hot, which is just not hot, which is just, it's like every Mary scene, isn't it? Except it doesn't take place in her closet. So to that, I say, good for you for making an effort. I mean, today she's in her living room,

okay, in this scene, before when we saw her get the invitation from the bunny, she was actually out in her car. I mean, that's, that's, that's pretty good for Mary, you know, so far we've not been in her closet. So her son comes in and he's just like, hi, like the son always looks like he's getting away with something, you know, like he's sneaking out at like midnight, like she's never gonna catch me, even though she is catch, she's talking to you right,

and you've already been caught, you know. She's like, sit down, I do not understand why this food's not hot. How do microwaves work? And he's like, I don't know microwaves. So Mary, after a year, is like, so I'm hearing from people that you're married. Are you married? I mean, is that true?

And he's like, um, married? Um, I don't know. You don't know. Are you married or are you not married? And she's like, yes, no, maybe, no, yes, no. Are you married? I mean, come on. Are you married? I mean, just please let it be no. Come on. What is it, son? Well, I'm kind of married. Yeah, I mean, I went to the courthouse. And Mary's like, seriously? So you just snuck, where was I?

You snuck, you snuck out, and you just, you did it? You got married? Who, like, who does that? He's like, yeah, it's been like a year. Oh, it's, so Mary explains that this girl has been living with them, I guess, for a year or whatever, but she doesn't see them because they both have their own wings. One day, she said they were getting really dressed up

and then running around, but she didn't know why. And it turns out because they were getting married. I'm, what the hell? She didn't know why. And it turns out because they were getting married. What the hell? Now, of course, there's speculation of who this is. I could not find out who he was married to. Shockingly, there's not a ton of gossip about Robert Cosby, Jr. It's crazy, isn't it?

But really what I found was this charge from last year. This is from August 5th, 2021, and it's on the E-News website. And this is when Mary Cosby charged with unlawfully providing shelter to runaway. Salt Lake City officials also charged Real Housewives star Mary Cosby with contributing to the doling. So you have a mind-r she previously pled not guilty to both charges. So apparently this person that they know ran away from home and I guess came to stay at Mary's house and then Mary got in legal trouble for it, but then later the charges were dropped.

Now here's the only reason I'm bringing this up. It's because while many of the details surrounding the case remain private, court documents say the alleged offense took place on April 8, 2021. It's unclear if Real Housewives of Salt Lake City's cameras captured the situation for its upcoming second season. So if this one was filmed in 2223, a year before that would have been 21, right? So I'm wondering if this is the person that Robert Cosby Jr. married. But I don't know, that's gossip.

Don't really care as about. I don't know, that's gossip. Don't really cares about. I don't know. It's just trying to put things together on the online. So Mary doesn't take this great. And Robert, Robert Jr. isn't much help because he just sits around the couch holding a pillow and smiling like, and she's like, but you can't get married because you're the only person I have in the world. And now if you're married, does anybody, I have nobody? Which isn't a great sell. You know what I mean?

To your kid. I think that's, if anything, that's a reason to just start running. She's like, don't be afraid to tell me anything ever. Always just tell me what's going on with you. And he's like, okay. But then she's telling us, yeah, he's not ready for marriage. And he has to man up. I mean, I'm not going to be the sole provider of him and her. Okay. Well, that's why he didn't want to tell you.

Okay. You said he can tell you anything. He tells you he's married. And so now you're going to cut him off. I wouldn't tell you either. What the hell? Bizarre. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crapence commercial. Watch what crapens and winter is crappening are the funniest recap broadcasts. But if you want something more eerie, try the new podcast Go Story about my investigation into a murder suicide in my own family. Go Sound Real. At least that's what I've always believed. Sure, odd things happen in my childhood bedroom,

but ultimately, I shrugged it all off. That is, until a couple of years ago, when I discovered that every subsequent occupant of that house is convinced they've experienced something inexplicable too, including the most recent inhabitant who says she was visited at night by the ghost of a faceless woman.

It just so happens that the alleged ghost haunted my childhood room might just be my wife's great-grandmother, who was murdered in the house next door by two gunshots to the face. Ghost Story, a podcast about family secrets, overwhelming coincidence, and the things that come back to haunted us. Follow Ghost Story wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on October 23rd, or you can binge early and at free on 1D RePlus the same day. Okay, so let's go over to Heather's house. Her kid calls from college, Ashley calls from college, and what she's just gotten back from Cabo. And I feel like this is how every call goes with Heather

and her kid. Oh my God, you were in Cabo. Aren't you glad you're not Mormon and wearing like long underwear here in the house with me? I mean, that would have been fun. Right? God, thank God, you're not Mormon anymore. Every conversation. I mean, that could could say anything. Hey, what do you do today? Oh, I went to Chili's and got them gotten awesome blossom. Aren't you glad you're not Mormon anymore? I mean, that blossom would have been a lot less awesome. You know, if you were wearing long underwear in the restaurant, probably would have been hot.

Oh, hey, honey, how have you been? Oh, I think good. I was at the candle shop making like a linen and old book scent. Well, are you glad you're not Mormon? You would have just been making the scent of covered wagons and frickin' youngs old spice. I mean, isn't it nice not being Mormon? So they start talking about Jack.

She's like, did I just like, did I tell you that Jack Barlow is going on a mission? And she's like, oh God, didn't really see that one coming. I guess maybe all of his friends are doing it or something. I do remember him riding on his Instagram Fudge College, honestly. Not really sure. If that had something to do with it.

And Heather's like, yeah, and they said that they go to church every Sunday. And we what? And Heather tells us how proud she is of Ashley for getting the help away from all of this. And she's so glad her kid is in a stringed bikini in Cabo, you know. And she's like, I just look back at my journals from like my mission days. And I they're just like, oh my god, I love God so much. I'm so obsessed with them.

I just can't wait to spend more time with God like I'm gonna be the best person I can be to marry the most righteous man I can be to have the most righteous children so I can have more time with God Which actually you're very similar to my journals except instead of God I wrote ice cream and I don't know I still live by that. I love ice cream so much. I just can't wait to spend more time with ice cream. So she's saying it's a tough position to be on because your friend, your friend quote unquote, is sending their kid on a mission.

And that's just like, everything is like, that's everything that I'm socially, morally, physically, spiritually, caloricly against. You know, mom, why are you against Mormonism colloquially? Haffeen, you know, one of the things that got me to turn against Mormonism was Frappuccinos. And Ashley's like, yeah, I can't believe that Lisa wouldn't have him talk to you,

even though you're publicly against everything that he's doing. That is so crazy. Wow, why wouldn't she just call you? Heather's like, I know, right? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, better, fly. Make more effort, fly. You have no fashion. So there's a ding dong at the door and then there's a sound of like and so Mary comes and opens the door and we find out that sound is just marideth at the front door shaking her head with her hair caught in the reef.

It's like, oh, god. Oh, hi. Thanks so much for having me over. Marys like great, great. So good that you could come over. I got a cootery play, but I couldn't, I don't know how to use microwave. My last one, right? You don't put your cutery into microwave, but I'm so glad that you have the official dish

of real housewives of Salt Lake City here. Shark cutery. Marys like, yeah, it was kind of a long day because I had a conversation with Robert Jr. and he's married. And that's a problem. Emeritus is like, what? She says, well, I mean, everybody knows that he's married and I don't know that he's married.

She's like, wow, that is a little crazy. I can't imagine if my son was married and I'd say, what's this whanner toddler's allowed to get married? I need to get my signature at the very least. Meredith is like, so, Mary, why have you been keeping to yourself so much in the group? And we can only presume that she means, you know, like refusing to interact or only criticizing people or only talking when you're going to tell people that their outfits are ugly or that you hate their guts, or not coming to group vents and going to McDonald's instead, et cetera, et cetera.

And Mary's like, you know, it's just so tough to give people chances. And then like you think you're gonna go back into this crowd of people and like they're gonna grow and they haven't grown. Excuse me, what kind of group of people do you think this is? This is real housewives. Well, I'm not here for growth.

Get the hell out of here. This isn't a farm. These are not seedlings. This is real housewives. The minute you start to grow, you die. The only reasonable time to grow is after you've been fired. Okay. So Meredith is like, well, I agree with you.

I mean, as everything that happened at the opera V-Dom's aunt was terrible. I'm Mary's like, don't you think you need teleboots? Oh, rise above it. That's what you're trying with us. That's a very clever Mary. Well, also because your boots are ugly. So. Yeah, very well.

You know, Angie came for me and I could have very easily clapped back. Angie, but I did tell her you were not spancing me like this, and then I tried to exit and then invisible force field kept bouncing me back into the room. I could have said a lot of things now. I am being accused of spreading rumors that Sean is game, but you do understand how obscenity is? Homosexuality? Yes. Now the rumors that Shawn is a homosexual. And she tells us that she's not spreading these rumors. My son is gang.

I'm a huge supporter of the community. I'm even on the house committee from the bland world. And so I would never comment on someone's sexuality. So Mary's like, did you get the invite? You got four... Bunny. Huh? I'm talking about the bunny.

There was a bunny. Heros on the bunny. What bunny? There's a big rabbit. He had ears. Big ears. Uh... Was he hiding his eggs around Gangtown?

Hoping his wife wouldn't find them? No, an actual bunny. Huh. Did it talk to you, it left me a card. Is your son married to the bunny? No, it was an actual bunny. You brought me an invitation. It was for Greek Easter. It's a brunch.

Well, unfortunately, I will be out of town. I will be hosting the Gliana Warrens, a very exciting. Oh, that is so great. You know, through the only trash bags that don't leak. All right, well, I'll take what I can get with you, Mary. So Mary declares she will not go to an Easter Bunny hunt until she sees change.

Now we get my favorite haws, the and now we're at Angie's house and she is doing the full my big fat grqueting thing and roasting a goat outside her house. So she's getting her house ready for this party and she's like, hey honey, can you help me with the icons? He's like, oh my god, Meredith is here. I gone. No, John, the religious icons. Look at all these stacks of ones. I think the bank is wondering why we need so many ones. Actually, I get one that all the time. For what reason? Never mind. We are gonna teach the ladies how to do dollar dancing and then they are going to say, oh,

as we throw ones onto the dance floor. So, um, she gets a call for Mary and she's like, hello, Mary, could you hear from you? And Mary's like, yeah, I'm calling you to know that I won't be making it, and I'm not really sure what you're wearing, but it's ugly. So Angie's dad is there too, and she's talking about how he came to America from Greece. And his gift to them was loving the Greek culture.

He never forgot where he came from. And apparently neither did she, because I'm Greek, I'm Greek, I am Greek. Lisa comes and she's like, oh my God, is that a baby love talking? Oh my God, hey baby because I'm Greek. I'm Greek. I am Greek Lisa comes and she's like, oh my god Is that a baby love talking? Oh my god. Hey baby lamb. Sorry. You didn't get to go in a mishal Sorry, you didn't get to go in a mishal. You could have gone to Milan. You could have gone to Milan. Oh my god Looks beautiful in your angel love the stocks of gosh. This is so on she's out So then Heather arrives and she's like, oh my gosh, Sean, you look amazing.

Where do you get your clothes made? And he's like, my gay boyfriend. She goes, oh, you are so, I've heard. I've heard. Then Jack shows up with his front facing pine cone here. And he's like, mom, you're wearing so much makeup. And she's like, tada, ba, ba, get it, ha, yo.

He walks away like half of his face orange. Okay, so Monica shows up with her kids and her mom, right? And her mom is, you know, just doing the full mom thing. She sees the dad, she sees Angie's dad, and they do the double kiss where you like, you know, it's not just a regular French like, blah, blah, blah, or the model, blah, blah, blah, or the Camille,

blah, blah'm wow. It's a very hard grasping of the face and then on a cheek. On a cheek. On a cheek. And Angie's like, she knows the Greek kiss. And Linda's like, we know we're Portuguese. We kiss the same.

Are you single, honey? Are you single? And he's like, I am single. She goes, yes, I'm single too. Linda's going to grift this man right at everything. I don't know that much about Linda, but I do know this much. Watch her because she will walk out of this house

trying to put that, oh, in a spit in her purse on the way out. She just seems like that kind of mom. So Monica's not amused that her mom came in and immediately started flirting. Monica's not having her mother today. Let's see where it leads. Greak ding, greak ding, greak ding, greak ding. It's like a regular ding, but it's greek. Okay everybody, listen to me please. I just want to start welcoming people to

greek Easter. Father George is the closest we will get to God today. It means a lot to be able to share my faith with you people. I'm always inspired by Christ Resurrection It's a story of hope that Christ was marked in ridiculed and crucified. And he managed to rise up after three days. So if Christ can rise up after being murdered, surely I can rise up after Meredith Marx, the trampoline with eyes calling my husband a homosexual, having sex in the streets. Basically the same thing I would like to think if Christ was resurrected

today, Shawn would be there to give him a proper haircut. Unfortunately, nobody was worried about split ends in that time. So then this priest who has been paid God knows how much money and is on a full costume, gets his prayer and he's like, I love Jesus. Okay, bye, Opa. I was like, excuse you. Are you just gonna take the money off the table and leave, sir? I'm gonna need more from you here, preacher. Terrible review of the preacher.

Terrible. One star at best. So Whitney is like, wow, your speech really made me cry. Because I think I was a back gainess, but I couldn't really tell. It was like a puzzle. Yes, with me. It was a very difficult week for my family.

Sean was asked to direct four musicals who has the time speaking of where it's Meredith. Heather's like, she wants to know Friday. So then we see what Meredith is doing. She's at the Glad Awards with Brooks. And Brooks is like, really? Have to be on the red carpet soon? We didn't want you. Are you waiting for your big night? I have to know she's on. So Lisa comes over to Angie and she's like, Hey,

how are you doing? I love your house. Love the preacher. I love the dead goat. So you're going to yell at Monica today, right? Monica deserves that. Monica really started all that. So you're gonna yell at Monica. It is my party at my home. I don't know if you should yell at her. Yeah, you're gonna yell at her. Have fun yelling at her.

Okay, have you ever been ready for your way to yell at Monica? Consider it your mission. So now Heather wants to talk to Lisa. So they're in front of this bunny cake. Heather's like, listen, I just wanted to talk to you because I talked to Whitney and she said that you were triggered by me having Angie come to paint.

Bird houses at my house. So are you, are you trick her? Why are you trick her? It's at the bird houses. Do you not like birds? No, I'm triggered because nobody was ever trying to be nice to me. Like it's just, it's just her.

Like why is nobody nice to me? You know, nobody's ever been that familiar. You know what I mean? The only person who's ever shed me some compassion is Tyco. I didn't know that was a black cloud raining over your head. At least I'm a geez.

So I had this like, um, I thought that we've been laughing and having fun lately and like we're okay. Yeah, because you know why Heather, it's Sarfaz. We're just Sarfaz. We're just so saying Sarfaz. It's okay, Heather. She's like, yeah, but I feel like we have

a much deeper relationship with that. I fast, okay, Hataar. She's like, yeah, but I feel like we have a much deeper relationship with that. I mean, look, Jack's mission, like I would love that if you could talk to me about it that in a way that's constructive. And she's like, I don't want to talk about that, Hataar. I do not want to talk about that, Hataar. So meanwhile, Angie and Monica are having their little talk. So Angie's like, so I just wanted to chat with you. I'm happy you are here with

your family. They are welcome to the food. Of course, I did notice that your mother is trying to unscrew the curtain rods from up. Yeah, that's what my mother does. All right. If you mothers, stop trying to take the furniture. Sorry, Auntie. I just wanted to say I was kind of upset because you were helping Meredith put out rumors that she wanted to put out. Uh-uh, because I said that to you, okay? And that's what makes it different. Like, I had your back and I was there for you in that moment and I told you 100% I was there for you, okay?

I don't like the shit that's being said. I don't believe it's true. And that's why I said on camera for the entire country to hear multiple times, your husband is probably sucking every single dick in the outer darkness. But it doesn't mean I believe it. What that wait, if you don't believe it, then why do you say it?

Listen, Whitney asked, and I said this is what Meredith was saying. Meredith was the one who said it. Wait, let me back it up. How do you know what Meredith was talking about when she said rumors? Well, okay, I didn't hear it from Meredith. I heard it from the SLC strengths, okay? I'm just trying to tell you what the rumors are Angie. And they are that your husband can put his fitness mouth

and also next to size to semi-trucks. You didn't start the rumor, but you repeated the rumor. And I'm putting repeated it to you and the rumor wants Sean likes to play duck duck goose, but all of the geese are dicks on football teams. That doesn't even make sense. Okay, well, he plays musical dicks and whenever the music stops, he sits on it. Okay, that when I understand.

Yeah, but like I heard that rumor years ago before Meredith, I mean, the rumor's been everywhere and saw like, three, four, eight years. But you are saying something you do not have the facts to back up boom, back to Lisa and Heather. Lisa's like, why do you have a jack's mission, huh? Why do you care about Jack's mission? Ha, ha, what do you care? She's like, because you're sending your kid into the wilderness for two years, like you should know the good and the bad of that. That's all. You know what? Your experience growing up in the charge has been different from mine. My path has been so great that I converted to this faith, you know? And I just want to be focused

on supporting Jack. I mean, Jack has very important work to do. We've already talked about it and other like he's going to go door to door and he's going to tell people, you know what you're missing? Moisturize skin. And then he's going to pull out fresh wealth. But that's not what Mormonism is, Lisa. Yeah, well, it is to me. And I love that. He's going to say, you know what? You're only living life. Don't you want to live Vida? But that's just advertising your alcohol. Yeah, he's going to take around chocolate. I says, it's not what missions are, Lisa. They are now.

You call it jacquoing on a mission. I call it Vida tequila, expanding a territory. Okay, let's just talk about you and me then. Like, why won't you read my book? Oh my god, Heather, this is about your book. No, yeah, like you won't read it. I mean, I wrote this book and you didn't read it. And so now I like have to talk to you.

It's like, I'm willing to give you a free audio book in person. And you're still saying no. Heather, your book is just like the book of Mormon. A lot of people may own it, but nobody's really right at it. So then we cut you the charisma factory, John, over there talking to the husbands. And John's like, it's such a dichotomy. Is that the word I'm looking for?

Like, you've got total relaxation over here with the males, but then over there with the females, you've got the polar opposite. Yeah, John, because you're fucking catatonic, bro. You're not calmer because you're a man. You're calmer because you've been lobotomized in your sleep. Be quiet. So back to Heather.

She's like, you can't tell me there's like a different level of Mormonism that you have, because like Mormonism is the same thing. Like, I have the same Mormonism as you have. It's not nuanced. She's, yeah, sit-ass, yeah, sit-ass. Your Mormonism might have been happier if you had a little Vita tequila in your life. That's all I'm saying.

And then there's like, I'm not fully sure what gaslighting is, but I think that's a set. Like telling me the religion I have been in since I was a kid was just like not what I think it is and I was doing it wrong. Yes Welcome to religion. Hi, but how could the Lord do it to be you didn't pray hard enough? Yeah, you just didn't do it right So Heather's like wow, I mean to be fair. I totally join her church. I mean God. Hey, we're serving Vita tequila and strapless dresses Come on in. Yes, that's exactly right. And that is how you get people to come. I think one of the reasons Christianity is big as it is is because they included wine. They were like, come buy for some wine.

I think Lisa's really on the right track here. She could take Mormonism to the next level, you know? This is modern day America though, I suggest adding some overly processed snack. Some booze and some high frfructose corn syrup snacks. That'll really hook them. Ronnie-ism. Your spirit will be full and so are your belly.

Listen Heather, you read a book about being a bad mornan, and I'm focusing on my side and being a good mornan. Like, the bottom line is like, I'm done with this. We're friends. I want to build a better relationship with you, but like, that is off the table. This is off the table, alright? Heather, like I don't want to be judge how I do things. And how they're like, well, I am judging you because that's what warm is deba So I'm judging you. So then back to Monica and Angie. Angie's like, I just wish that you pulled me aside to tell me the rumors before you told other people in the room about them.

I'm like, I'm in. I went straight to you and told you. I went straight to you and told you that your husband is pulling dicks out of pants like a farmer pulls carrots out of the ground. Oh, yeah. Well, I've heard things about you that I would never say. Oh, yeah.

Come on. Bring it then. What have you got for Closure check? Devourage check? A fair check? I'll stand in it. Every banding. But if you do hear something about me and you do tell me I'm not going to be like oh my god he'll do you tell me about it. And Angie's like okay we are getting elevated.

You don't need to be elevated. No I would be like what did you hear about me Garry? What did you hear? Because the difference between you and me is I don't fucking hide it. I know I'm hiding it. Now Monica is yelling at Angie in her party because Angie's upset that Monica said on camera that Son is trying to hide Salami and Salami factory, which again makes no sense, but what it does make is Monica a good housewife. Listen everyone is saying about Hinderback and I'm only saying it to your face and you hate me for that and would you just be any other people who said it behind your back kind of in a way without the gay parts?

So now Linda, the mom comes over and she like her purse, like it's like three times the size now coincidence. I don't know. Oh, hello, mother of somebody. Listen, Monica, I do not aid you. I'm just trying to work it out with you. I'm sure you'd be done with this. You can just bring it up next time I see you and you could just start coming for me, Angie. And Linda says something to her importuguese and

Angie's like, girl, I only speak Greek. I think I'm sad your daughters are here. Monica's like, well, I didn't start this. You want to come for me? I love when people come for me and then they get mad when I fight back. And Angie's like, I'm not coming for you. Okay. I'm just trying to understand why you're going around telling people my husband's a pain machine. And then just like Monica, come on, Monica. And Monica's like, I am about to pop off, girl. So Andy's like, okay, obviously I'm not going to have this conversation today.

I'm going to move on now, goodbye. And she sees her exit and gets the hell out of there, right? And Monica is so pissed at her mom. She's like, oh my God, don't pull this shit with me when you don't have my back mother. You are in someone's home, honey. I'm not gonna do this with you because this is gonna get ugly with you and I mother.

And she goes, cool, take a breath in the bathroom. So she's like following her around and Monica's like doing that thing where she starts flicking her hair because she's so angry. And she walks around trying to get away from her mom, but her mom just keeps following her. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Monica, I am just trying to be conti you. And Monica's like, you are not, you are not trying to be kind. Only way I could find kindness in this house is if I dress like a penis and try to hug your husband.

Monica stop it. You don't know to stop it. Sean's there now. And he's like, uh, Hey, guys, we don't do this in our house. Yeah. Out of this winter cleaner. Monica. So this house is an open concept, right? There's no walls. So Monica can't get away So she goes all the way to the corner of this huge living room and just sits alone on the couch like

Huffing and puffing and Whitney's like where is Monica? I will find her and let us tell you are just decompressed. You know what I need fun. That's what I need So Linda goes over to the husband and she's like hey boys. That's right I'm gonna fund with the boys now. What do you want to talk about some sports? Let's do it, guys. If any, you play college ball, huh? Any single boys, any single ball players? I'm single. And Monica watches this and she's like, I'm completely confused about what my mother is doing right now. Like, I have no idea why she feels the need to apologize.

For me, to people she's never need to apologize for me to people. She's never met before. I feel completely betrayed. Team Linda can't believe I'm saying it. But so now Angie's like, okay, it is time to do quick dancing. Oppa, okay, we are going to do the opa dance. It's like the chicken dance, but you say,

opa instead. Da da da da da da da da da da da da. Oppa, opa, get it everybody. Once everybody takes them once and it goes to Monica Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da moral center trying to rain her daughter in, but you raised this, okay? You raised this lady, sitting with her feet on the couch, screaming about someone's husband being gay in front of people. Okay, that's you. You did that. So Linda's like, I've met some guys. Yeah, I'm gonna go dance, but I don't want to leave you alone, so I'll stay here with you. And meanwhile, we see her kids like having fun and picking up the cash and stuff. And Linda's like, you know, you're my daughter and you're my concern today. And she's like, I don't believe that mother.

You literally wanted to go dance. So just go dance. That's what you want to do. She goes, yeah, but it just because I want to dance doesn't mean that I'm not concerned about you and that I don't care about you, honey. She goes, Oh, yeah, your behavior is what lets me know that you don't care about me. Your behavior, your words, how you act and how you apologize to other people is what shows me that I'm not your concern. You are concerned. You're very concerning. Okay.

If your kid shifts the floor, you're supposed to apologize to everybody. That's just how it works. You don't want to apologize and don't shit the floor. And Linda's like, honey, you're, you're shouting at a family event just to stand even manner. Like, yeah. Yeah, it does. So, she goes, I'm actually very grateful for Mormons like this

because it reminds me of what I don't ever and won't ever do to my kids. Like, I won't let her sit alone. Okay, and I won't let her be massacred. Who got massacred? You were confronted about doing something that you did. Is this funny to you, mother? And Linda's like, yeah, like how can it not be funny?

She's like, you are hardless. Stay with your friends and party and find your own ride home. Then ask find your own ride home, mother. So then she like storms out and she takes all of her kids. This isn't cool, you know what I mean? You can't take the poor children away from the free candy? That's just cold. I think that's very selfish.

And then her kids are stuck there looking like, oh God, we have to go. Their mom has just made an ass out of them. Now she's rooting their fun. And all the other kids are like, what the fuck? So they have to leave. I just hate wishing that I had a different mom. You know who else is gonna sound like that?

All four of your children. When they're on housewives one day, we're calling the traumatic time that their mother dragged them away from the only candy they were getting that year. How dare you! And that brings us to the end of the show, everybody. Thank you so much for being here.

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