Watch What Crappens - #2203 RHOBH Part 2: Tit for Tattoo

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

It’s part two of our season premiere recap of  The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (S13E01).  The women gather to mend with a healer named Eagle Woman, and then Kyle and Dorit return to their crumbling marriages.Get all our video recaps and bonuses at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello and welcome back to Watch What Crap Inz podcast that all by crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me is the one and only and lovely O'Rani Karim. We are in part two of our Real House House of Beverly Hills premiere recap if you're wondering what happened to part one. Well, it's on the feed. So chances are you may have missed it, so go back and check it if you have it listened to it.

Otherwise, if you're just jumping in now or you're picking up from where you left off. Here we go back to that episode. So Jennifer's like, I'm gonna leave you and I'll be come out for two days to Paris and all we got was saying yelling at him like I'm that was funny. Oh my god, you're not taking a big big big big big big. Ovi, we're trying to do a Tink Talk Ovi. Ha ha ha ha ha. So then it's telling us like, Ovi is my assistant, but also my house manager and then Ovi's off camera going,

property manager, head of operations, Mr. Everything Bitch. What happened to Joshua? It's gone. Yeah, what did happened to Joshua? It's gone. Yeah, what did happen to Joshua? Offie really came from behind to just stow it. I did. Poor fucking Joshua.

There's a story I want to know about. What happened to Joshua? But you know what though? I like obvious, so I'm okay with the switch up. I like Avi too, he's pretty funny. So something like, shut up, offie, you're not on camera right now. What?

Get the caramel out of your ear. right now. What? Get the caramel out of your ear. We are hilarious at this door. Just a little. So then obvious service in both like Chinese chicken salads and something's like, where's the dressing? I sat the way he on the chest to hand satin. And so it's like, well, can you believe, I don't know what you were just saying. I just show in some sort of empathy for the servants weird. Anyway, can you believe it's been almost four years since this boutique opened up and you're my first customer welcome. That's why we put out the spread for you.

So she tells us that when she met her, she starts her whole like, I'm an independent woman with a store called Sedan that was totally paid for by myself and my horse who has a job now. So that's helpful. But she does her whole like I gave children to this man and then he acted like I became lower than him because of that which I say fuck that guy and good for you. How much is she's getting like 300k a month? I hope so.

I have no idea. Something like insane. Yeah. And she's, I like it. She has the whole thing of like, well, when my husband and I got married, we were on equal foot and I was working, he was working. Technically, I was actually riding a horse, so it was a little bit higher up. But then I got pregnant and it became like, oh, you're not going to work anymore, my

power to menitian. And then it's like, here's your allowance. And then the allowance goes away and you're like, wow, I allowed that allowed that to happen so in short I blame my children for everything that's wrong in my life. Yeah get old blame on blame in the children which I think is a very mother thing to do in the South my mom is like that to you it's like hey happy birthday mom she's like you're welcome I gave it all up for you. Thank God, thanks, hugs. So she does her whole thing. And she wants to teach her children

that financial autonomy is liberating. And I cannot believe she didn't tell us about her son making deliveries to the chip. I know, to the chip. The bending machines, the snack machine repair man, her son. But she basically what she wants to do is she wants to rub her success in her husband's face, her ex-husband's face.

That's what she really wants. She just wants good old fashioned tuljissa or suck it or like you made a mistake. And you know, in life, I think it's gonna take more than opening a boutique in West Hollywood. I'm just gonna say that I don't think that people that treat you like shit like that

and don't respect you suddenly get respect for you. They're just disrespectful people. And fuck that guy. That's what I say. And I have to say, listening to Sutton's story, I've never wanted to be married. But God, this really makes me want to get divorced. Just want it.

I'm so bad. Well, then we go over to Erica, who's going to visit her therapist, Dr. Mann, for the first first time because they've only done FaceTime sessions so they're meeting in person and Erica's talking about how she's been in therapy for two and a half years and she really given her tools to join with her emotions So she's she's like, ah, Dr. Mann. How are you anyway? I don't give a fuck just got one get that other way I was married to one of the most unsupportive humans probably known to marriages, and then

tampering and dead, and oh god, oh is it working on my crying yet. I was married to one of the least supportive humans. All he did was buy me albums and musicians and shows and music videos and costumes, which we never paid for technically, And well, okay. I'm mostly emotionally supportive. It's like, are you really going to say Tom was at least supportive? I will never forget that SNL sketch that they did based on Erica. Where Tom, do you remember? Eric it up. I remember there was. I'm on it for now. Yes, I do. Yeah, yeah. And it was based on supposedly, it was based on stories that people had told about them

before they became housewives, which Tom was like obsessed with her in her music career and with would have like the sketch was they had a party of all these lawyers and it was a fancy party and then he's like, and now my wife is going to perform. And then Erica comes out and she's like, Oh yeah, fuck me in my pulsing. Yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I'm pumping the grass. Everyone's more to bite, you know? I do remember that. Oh God, good old time.

So, so then we have a montage of Tom Gerardi news and all this stuff in Erica's like, do I feel better that I'm not including the endotment? Absolutely, but is that stop people not including the endotment? Absolutely. But is that stop people from thinking I did something wrong? No. And so now we cut to a sudden phase timing with Garcell. By the way, I'm so sorry to interrupt you.

She, an indictment is gone. She's so got like 90,000 cases against her. Just in case. Erika has an interesting way of presenting facts on this show. Just look at that. There's still a lot. We could like. So then we see like a mini montage of people around town

talking about Erica and Sun's like, well, looks like old man, Gerradi, he's going to jail and Garsell's like, oh, I think until, I think until she's completely vindicated that she's gonna be in trouble whatever and Sun's like, yeah, she's completely vindicated that she's gonna, you know, be in trouble or whatever and sounds like, yeah, she's watching her back.

That don't know the enemy. And then we finally get to see a crystal. Finally, which is great. Rob is like, well, she may not have been responsible for stealing the money, but she's responsible for spending, spending them. Don't say it, I'm saying. So that's my line, spending the money.

And a custom crystal. Oh, poor crystal didn't even get to have seen Crystal and she literally goes like this. Yeah So we go back to Eric. I was like time is older. He's gonna die. Have I come to a point where I'm okay I'm gonna let go that boney old skin corpse and Therapist is like well you're gonna start a whole new stage of grieving, you know I'm okay, I'm gonna let go of that boney old skin corpse. And therapists are like, well, you're gonna start a whole new stage of grieving, you know, because when he actually passes away,

it will surprise you at how sad it is. I know, it'll be sad to not have them. No, sad to think that you married that. You'll be like, wow, I can't believe I did that. I just love how Erica phrases. She's just such a robot. She's like, yeah, well, top of soul, he's good at that. Okay.

So the doctor's like, just don't mix Lexa Pro and alcohol anymore. And then we see a clip, well, surely this would explain why Erica has yelled at Jacks that season. She's like, get the fuck out of here, kid. Got your fucking mommy. Or whatever she did. Oh, it was just Lexa Pro and that's all. After her very difficult,

Tom, period. Come on with this. We watched the show at an artist. So there are therapists is like, well, you've done a lot of good work on yourself. Maybe not so much your vocal cords and your voice. Maybe that's next, but you've done work on yourself,

like generally speaking. And let's just like make sure it's stuff like that doesn't happen again. She's, well, the lead is very upset with me of what I said to BravoCon. I said, I need to be a better friend. How can I do this, but also be a showman? That's what I am.

And the doctor's basically like, doctor's basically like, well, you know what you need to do. You just need to, you know, when you think about what your friends are going through, just have empathy for them. And the Erica is stymied. Uh, what is that? Eagle one?

No, empathy, Erica. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um I'm in imp in in path and path. I'm not as that one in pussy. What is that when the letter M goes on a walking path? I don't understand how it works. Is that where I like to stick it in my pussy? In the empathy? No, Erica. It's a thing. It's an empathy.

It's where you all. It's where I was that when I finished that one. I go to New Jersey from Manhattan. No, that's the path train. That's not empathy Okay, this is where you imagine being in that person's shoes with their background and their history I love to stay and I don't I don't wear things sweet What if instead of their shoes, I'm just in my shoes. Is that empathy?

How much are the shoes? What if I never even saw their shoes? Cause I don't wanna see their shoes. Figurative shoes. How many figures? Curricard. So I use it. So try to figure out how it feels.

But. No. What's it like to walk in someone else's shoes? Um, well, my shoes feel pretty comfortable, so I don't think I need to do that. So the doctor is like, Erica, it's time for you to take the high road. America goes, oh, it's, uh, very honorable of you to say that. This is one of the first genuine laughs I ever think I've seen from Erica and it's trying to teach her empathy.

I died laughing. The scene is cool. Erica trying to wrap her brain around the concept of empathy is amazing. It's like, I think it's what we've been waiting to see for about seven years now. And she didn't say you took the high road. Erica's like, I think it's what we've been waiting to see for about seven years now. And she didn't say you took the high road.

Erica's taking it like a compliment. The lady said you need to learn to take the high road. America's like, wow, that's honorable if you say so. High road, okay. I guess I will go get some CBD or something. So the doctor's like, you've done the low road and that didn't work. So let's try high. Well, not too high because you don't hear those eclipse and if you go down the

fall off the cliff you can roll over ten times and stuck in the ditch until one of your wifely instincts kicks in and somebody finds you with the bottom of this ditch which is making you completely mentally incompetent to stand trial for other things you allegedly need to people that you allegedly need. But you just focus on the miracle you're able to find the crusty old man because there was a blizzard happening at the same time. Alright, we've done low, let's just try higher. I'm still a lot to get high, good, because I just took a snorted Alexa, alright, get some

your blood system more quick. No more lehi. I'm not bilingual bitch but say that in English. Just take some sort of road. That's just not as low as the other one. Okay, I'll take the low road. So we go to Dorit's house and Dorit's like, Baba, you said you're only going to take,

you said you're going to have two pets in the salad that I got for you. I got your salad, Baba I did that earlier you missed it. I've salad already full up on the salad. Can't wait for that pizza come out to the oven Yeah, so to read is making some sort of frozen pizza. It's in her oven. She's okay This is what bothered me. I want to know if you can anticipate what really bothered me about this She put the frozen pizza onto a... How she's taking it out.

She put it like straight on the... No, no, no. It was on a cookie. It was on like a cookie sheet. And cookie sheets are flat, but they have like a little rim. You hold onto the little rim. So she had put the cookie sheet in, because you know you're holding it by the rim, so the rim is the thing that's closest to the door.

So now the pizza is done. She has opened up the oven and she's sliding the pizza off the cookie sheet onto a plate of some sort, but she's sliding the, she's sliding the pizza up and over the handle. So the pizza is falling apart as it's getting on the plate. Why don't you rotate the cookie sheet? Why are you doing this to the pizza is falling apart as it's getting on the plate. Why don't you rotate the cookie sheet? Why are you doing this to the pizza? Why are you doing this to me? It was heart-fall. It's like when she re-filled the tea kettle through the nozzle

Fucking Doreen telling you you wonder why Pete K. lives off chips. Yeah, okay? So then she's like oh, Carlos coming over with a pizza, which is hilarious to literally everybody. And he gets like, he's not, she's not touching that pizza. Judging from the photographs I've seen of Kyle, there's no pizza going in there. And then we see a picture of Kyle in a bikini, like with their hands. It was like a very famous, like laying down. Yeah.

Yeah, just being all skinny and stuff. And then so, he puts her frozen pizza on Hermes, China. She says, well, pizza on Hermes doesn't get any better than that. So Kyle knocks on the door and PK offers her, she comes in and PK offers her some nine alcoholic gin, which what's even the point, just like give her a soda he's kidding darling give her soda I think he's oh I see I'm sitting on alcoholic gin if you want it I'm very I'm very humanist right now I'm really just shaken up by that pizza situation on the on the cookie sheet well you know what what happens

when you say you're not drinking and people like freak out I think that's probably what P.K. does every time would you like some alcohol free to Kila? Got it. Now I get the joke. Sorry, everyone. It was really in a huff. So Karl's like, Kaga's, I mean, with a personality like this, do you think I need alcohol, PK?

Why is Kathy so mean to me? So Karl tells us it's been seven and a half months and she's, since she's had a drop of alcohol and she just says, I since she's had a drop of alcohol, and she just says, I just felt really felt like the alcohol wasn't serving me, and I just wanted to do whatever it took to make me feel better physically and spiritually. Okay, so now you have zero excuses to do splits,

so there should be no more splits, because before you could blame it on the alcohol, but now, now you can only blame it on your personality. Yeah, I'm so de-re-it-s like, baby, it's just a little salad and petrified pizza. I'm so glad you're more yourself. I mean, it was a journey, but you're too in great. You've turned both cheeks inside out and you look amazing. I love your inside out cheeks, Carl.

What do you look? Can you follow my finger? This Carl is like, she's got the Botox I have more than ever where you just overdue the Botox. By the way, I've been there at this point, so I'm speaking from experience where her eyes are just kind of crossed. It gets worse every year. I just want her to follow the light. Follow the light.

I can't follow. Coil, I'm so glad you got your Bucul out. I could never do that because my heart is with Bucul De Beppo the capri rim. So anyway tell me what's going on you're on such a bettush you're on a bettush journey these days. So Kyle's like well um so I saw Kathy at Sun's holiday party and it was fine, it was civil and you know I'm at a place where I just I'm just not going to be mistreated by anybody I'm just going to focus on mistreating others. I'm just not gonna be mistreated by anybody. I'm just gonna focus on mistreating others. So like finally, I've just, you know,

I finally stood up for myself. It's like you stood up for yourself when you guys went and started the agency, which by the way, I'm not on Kyle's side for everything, that's for sure. But I was, I think I was pretty much on our side for that, right? I don't remember, but I am now, good move.

But she's acting like she's never said anything to Kathy. And then to read, of course, is going to make this about her. So she's like, darling, of course, I understand it. Because I PTSD and look at PK, just in general, but PK, when you've got PTSD, oh, cool.auil's like right, but Kathy, I was robbed of me! But Kathy, Pusses, Cough, Mini Panses! And Kathy. Listen, Kauil, my husband, you know the one over there who's... Stuffing his face into four bags of chips all at once.

I didn't even know you could do that. I mean, how much space does one mouth have, but my husband, you know, the one that you debit down the most. We're spending a lot of time in London. That's what my accents from when I visited once. And I started to, I started to feel like PK and I weren't connected for the first time ever. And I thought, is it possible that PK and I wouldn't make it? Is that actually possible? Yeah, Kathleen went time went to London and I thought, wow, Kathy hates me again. She didn't even invite me to like, COIL, I'm stolen the talking stick from Eagle woman, let me finish! Alright, I'm done actually. Here's the talking stick.

This missing a bite. Sorry. Sorry, babe. Cause like, I've had those thoughts, I mean, I think it's normal to have those thoughts, even when you're 26 years strong and I've been on the cover of the not magazine, which I have been. She's like, life happens. I pose you apart. I mean, you can grow in different ways, or you can put the work in like you're doing with a therapist, like you, you know, online every once in a while. And to be like, yes, I've, I've believed when I walked down that aisle with PK, I thought I'm definitely going to spend the rest of my life with it, or at least his life, because it's PK!

Lord knows how long that's going to last. Everyone's shocked he's still here. Every time there's another birthday and I send out invitations, I always get at least four responses that say RSVP. Really? I mean, when cholesterol goes the doctor, they say, look out your PK levels are high, it's that bad. So, it's like, you know, it's normal. A lot of marriages go through it, and it would be one thing if you cheated on me, or lied, or to me, or I just, I just wish, I could say there was an incident but gee it's just a period of time where I needed him and he he wasn't there apparently there was a sale at Costco on three for one variety packs on free-to-lay products so you know I miss out.

I mean a couple of things about this one the rumor this week is that PK has been living out of the house for a while and that they're done so. The other thing is not a rumor. It's a real thing where PK, I'm assuming it's PK producing this, but it's boy George starring in Peter Pan with Doreet. Have you seen that? Is that true? Now that I'm saying it, that sounds like a fan.

Who created that on chat GBT? That is not a, it's like chat GBT. Okay, here's the prompt pitch a musical starring unlikely pop culture figures that are still somehow connected that you would never expect to see in that musical. It's true. Announced May 10th. God, we're really keeping it current. Oh, okay, it's October 25th. So it's a poster. It's it's boy George is wearing a green hat, a red hat with pirate things on it. So I guess he's Captain Hook.

He's going, and then behind him is Dari Kimselet. And then behind them both is a teenage boy who all I can say is like, watch out. That's boy George, he'll chain your ass to reddit. He'll chain your ass to reddit. Forget Neverland. He literally will. I hope you have some wire cutters on your hands.

I know. You think you're coming in for Peter Pan. You're coming, but you're really showing up for saw the musical. So guys, I get it. But if you're going to cast Doreet as Wendy, how in the world are you going to cast a 15-year-olds as Peter Pan?

Come on. I have to look at this photo because this is getting I was like, okay, Ronnie's found some sort of fake news. But now a jungle descended. I can't believe you have to read. I just I know it was true, but then once I started telling you and you're like, what? Then it sounded like this is a musical that's taking place in like at a resort. Resorts, resorts world month. We're going to neverland as boy George, to meet Kim's Lee and Jordan Conway, bring Peter Pan,

the arena spectacular. But it looks like it's on roller skates. I think it's a musical that's on roller skates. Yeah, well, it's an arena. So yeah, that means it's like one of those. Oh, yeah, the girl in the middle, Tinkerbell is wearing pink rollers. It looks like it's also starring Stasi and Perez Hilton. And maybe Bowie Jane from Big Brother.

Yeah, it looks like there's going to be some acrobatics because there's a lady dress like she's in Chicago hanging off of the end. I know. And someone's just doing random splits. there's gonna be some acrobatics because there's a lady dress like she's in Chicago hanging off of the end. I know. And someone's just doing random splits. As is, as is the nature of Peter Pan. We're a sandy duncan. That's what I'd like to know. Peter, I enough with the Christmas. It's not gonna be a, it's not gonna be a crocodile with a clock.

It's gonna be a crocodile with a claw, it's gonna be a crocodile with a bag of funnions. I don't know. Okay, I'm losing my mind. That thing blew my mind. That picture blew my mind. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. Watch what crap ends and winter is crappening

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Let's go to something dull to like touch cleanse the palate. Okay, Garcell is driving with her kids. And a Garcell parenting. Though the scenes we love the most, Garcell with her kids. Actually her kids are great. Her kids are like really, they seem so bright and sharp. I cannot believe they're only 15. And I love Garcell.

It's just that sometimes when you watch like smart normal people, just talking with other smart normal people, it's not always great TV. So she's driving with Jackson Jade and then they stop at a gas station and Garsell makes Jacks go out to pump gas and Jack's like, mom! Oh, how? Mom!

Yeah. I spilled gasoline. I love when she's like, look how self how mom? Yeah, I spilled gasoline. I love when she's, yeah, she's like, look how self-sufficient my kids are. Okay, you can do the gas. Look at me, just a normal mother having my children do things. She's like, how do I do it?

Take the nozzle. What's the nozzle? That's the thing that you, has a handle on it, you pull it out. Huh? All right, I've opened the thing, just twist off the cap. What? Empathy, you pull it out. Ah, all right, I've opened the thing, just twist off the cap. What?

Empathy, Erica, Empathy. You guys, don't worry though, he doesn't need parenting. So, so he is like freaking out, he's like I spilled gasoline. Is it gonna explode? I've seen it in cartoons before. I've seen it, where they spilled the gasoline, everything blows up.

It's like, Garzault, like just get in the car before you embarrass me at this 76 station. So she talks about how she's been shooting a show in Atlanta. She doesn't tell us, but it's called The Other Black Girl. Have you got no habit? But I'm excited that she got. I've heard people really like it

and I love that Garsell is on a show. So they go have a picnic on a beach and um, and Garsell's like, so you said something yesterday about how going back and forth between me and your father sucked, go ahead and have it. The cameras are here. Say it again, cameras and, uh, Jade's like, yeah, well, you were gone for a year. Just those three weeks. He's like, well, basically here.

As Jade goes back to etching, the name Ashlyn into a piece of wood, because that's his girlfriend. I don't know if Ashlyn's like some sort of like teen Disney star. They put up her photo as if like we should know who she is, but of course I have no idea. But then again,

we also just learned about J. Alparez. So Garsell's like, so how did that make you feel? I feel like when I was talking to you, you know, when I was away, I could tell you were annoyed that I was gone for so long making money for your asses. I'm sorry, did that come out? Right. So I could buy you $5,000 or $500 shoes, whatever she did last year. And so he's like, well, okay, if I had to complain about anything, I would like more freedom. She's like, well, wait a minute. One minute, I'm not here enough. And the next minute you get no freedom. Have I locked you in the house? You got a lot of

freedom. Do I need to show you how to have a party in my house? You little bitch. You don't have any freedom? It's like, yeah, not as I would like. Okay well I feel like you're not letting me parent you and if you're sick and I asked to take your temperature you're like mom mom mom and he goes hmm that's fair but you don't let me parent you do you see what I'm saying goes well I understand where you're coming from that you want to be more of a parent but I think I needed that two years ago instead of now because... Oh, hell no. Well, because most of the parenting and teaching and how I live, you know, I know how to do that by myself.

Oh my God, there's gas on the floor. There's gas at the gas station. Mom, what do I do? Mom, why don't you help me just gas the gas station? 100%. That's when I backed up my chair. Okay, you want me to see it be more of a mother? Okay, I'm pulling over this car and I'm spanking the shit out of you and grounding you and you don't get to go to the beach. You don't

even get to see the beach house that I'm building for you two fuckers. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here and take those tennis shoes off because I fucking bought those. I'll be with you. Listen, you unappreciative little twit. You want me to turn around this beach right now and we go home because that's what's gonna happen. Right. Any ending other than that, right now and we go home because that's what's going to happen. Right. Any ending other than that, I have no interest in. And that's the ending we got because that did not happen. How do you not? This is when I understand my mother keeping a wooden spoon in the glove compartment that

she could beat me with all the way in the way back. Get a wooden spoon. That's my suggestion. Yeah. Jacks, before you start talking about how you learned everything already, you know, let's see. Give us a second try at the shell station. Okay.

So she talks about how hard it is being a working parent and, you know, there's all these expectations of her, and she was there for a kid, but she wasn't there all the time because she has to work, but hearing it, of course, isn't my part of the heart. And please don't make up for that by buying this kid some fucking... Let me, my keys, or whatever shoes you use by us. I don't know. I don't wanna hear this story that two years ago,

he needed this two years ago because two years ago, she was so busy doing her own thing that she wasn't there for him. Two years ago was a global pandemic. You guys were, I guarantee, she was all up in your business. You guys were in lockdown. How could you say that Garcell was off doing nothing

two years ago? This was, no, I'm calling bullshit on this very sweet and lovely child who has no respect for his mother. We're like, God, I hated when Erica yelled at that kid. Now we're like, fuck you. I know. But this he brought on himself, because he went against Garsell, national treasure.

So basically, she's like, I'm sorry I wasn't there enough. And he says, I'm sorry too. And now that we've both admitted the past, can we both mature from that? She's like, my God, who taught you how to mid-a-bela? Because whoever did that part of the raising, you did a great fucking job. Very good. So it's all nice. And then at the end, Jade's just like,

I miss Ashlyn, so he's off in his own law land. So I find that that's one thing when you don't have your own kids. It's like you reserve the right to be pissed off at everyone else's. Oh, I get like right justly angry at other people's feelings. And it feels so always because you know what? If the parents are not going to take matters in their own hands, we will. By shading them on the other side. That's called society.

Yeah, where's this takes a village? And guess what? We're the two gays of the village. Guess who pays for your school? Property taxes. Guess who pays for your school, property taxes. Guess who pays property taxes, me. I'm your parent. I own you. So Kyle's house, Kyle is making some sort of fitnessy drink.

And Mauricio is like in the other room, they're finally showing Mauricio doing business. After all these years, now that they want to show that this marriage is crumbling, they're like, okay, let's finally show Mauricio doing business business. So he like, oh, yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Porsche spring break. So am I gonna be a fuck my girlfriend during that after that in the middle of that? What's that so upsetting? Camille's just as Camille's assistant writing down the notes So he's working he's doing actual calls and Kyle is doing this thing Kyle is doing the oh no

I Distracted myself with children for 20 years and And now my youngest daughter's in high school, is going to high school soon. And now I have to face the demons of my life. So I'm gonna try to pastor my husband right now. So, well Kyle, I wanna give Kyle some credit on this one cause I've been, mean, this whole recap. But I think Kyle's very smart

cause I read that with the agency, first she tells her, she tells Marie-Cio, start your own, like you should have your own company. Frick's not gonna give you a raise. Fuck that guy. Let's start our own and compete, which they did. But of course he's gonna be busy as fuck. You guys started your own company.

Second, Kyle, I believe, is part owner of that company, which smart move, but I'm. So I say, let him do whatever the fucking wants at this point, just sit back and let that money wash all over you. But she instead, so she's like poking into the room. She's like, are you ready? Can you talk? Oh my God, you're always working so hard. Oh my God.

Like, oh God, this is Kyle, she is restless. She doesn't know what to do with herself because Porsche is becoming more and more independent. There's no one for her to do it on. She has no sisters around to Hector. So she has restless energy of someone who now has to be confronted with all the shitty things that have gone wrong in her life. That is my theory.

Well, the wait a minute, so you're saying, I can't go to Coachella. Is that what you're telling me? Now that Kyle is in range and heella is your favorite thing in the world. Oh, honey, I'm working all. By the way, the last thing I wanna hear from anyone over the age of 32 is, are you telling me I can't go to Coachella?

So funny, I really is, so them. And he's like, wait a minute, that's first class, right? Hey, Jade, if I can do that, I golf with Bob on the 27th. And that was the first time I believe this call was real. Cause the other time, so I was like, come on now. So he's like, honey, I'm working.

Cause Kyle's like, honey, come on honey, come on honey. So she's like, as soon as you finish your golf schedule, let me know, I got you. So he hangs up and calls, I can't with this whole day. I hate everything. Sorry, she's having like a little tantrum. She was like, so I heard you talking to Jade. And we're just like, yeah, well,

I need to talk about our calendars, you know? Well, it sounds like you're really booked up. So she tells us they've had a really challenging gear and he's been working. She's been doing Amazon Lives. I mean, come on guys. So when you go schedule a meeting to go over your schedule, that's a lot of work. I did like when she goes. There's a he's been working nonstop.

I've been working. Stop. No, so they're really leaning heavily. They're really leaning heavily into this Maurizio and Kyle are having problem story. And look, this week in the news, we're seeing Maurizio being seen with his supposed mistress who is his dance partner on dancing with the stars. And there's pictures of them holding hands like it does look like he's dating this person. And I know a lot of the internet's like, are they kid, you know, are they faking this for a storyline? Or are they not

faking this for the story? I don't know. But it's so Kyle that the first episode of the season, like the first time we see Kyle is Kyle's working out. Like there's Kyle's storyline for the season. And then the next minute and then Kyle's a victim with the gathie thing. And then the next, and then cows of victim with the goutty thing. And then the next thing is like first episode, we're having marital trouble. Like really? This is all happening that close to each other. Because don't they film semi-close to when the reunion was? There's no hint of any trouble. Yeah. Some Reese is like, well, on another note, you look amazing.

Like you're going to go work out now. Like you're look, you look so good. Like you're, you're like working out like a beast right now. Like you're eating well, you're gonna go work out now, like you look so good, like you're working out like a beast right now, like you're eating well, you're not drinking, you're changing your life, you're interrupting me on phone calls, how which I love, I love that part the most, let me show you my veneers, yes.

Mauricio is definitely, he's in the veneer club now, right? He's definitely in the veneer club, or is there always a teeth has just been that shiny? I don't know. He looks very distraught, though. He is giving more confused looks to Kyle than we've ever seen. Like, everything coming out of her mouth, he's like, what?

Why would you say that? And it cracks me up because he's trying to compliment her, kiss her better, whatever. And she's telling us, when you got through a painful time, it changes you. like my sister. You know, my sister being me to me, that was one thing, that really hurt. And then feeling let down by my friends at the reunion,

like when I had them come for my sister, and then they didn't stand up for me as I cried. That was hard. I mean, like my husband doing whatever it is he's doing, talking to Jane about not coming to Coachella. I mean, I need an outlet, so I work out. And I feel good. And I hope Mauricio likes it, because here I am.

I was like, wow, what a rebel. You're working out, I'm currently. You tell him, guys. She went through a painful time in her life, wherein her friends didn't hug her at a reunion on Bravo. So Mauricio is like, so, she's like now scratching her ankle, just showing that she has like a new tattoo.

And she's like, wow, so how many tattoos do you have right now? She's like, five. First I have this one, it's a heart. And then there's this one. And then there's this one. And then there's this one, this is like a potato. And look at that one, that's a shoe. That one's a ring.

And he's like, oh, she has very basic things. Number one, ding, hard on a wrist, it's a heart, you know. And number two, ding, it's the Roman numeral 18, okay, which yes, I did have to look up because I'm that stupid. I was like, wait a minute, what number is that? Number three is a moon in the stars, okay. Number four, which is very basic. I want a moon and a heart, okay? And two arrows crossing are on her ankle, which what does that mean? Cause that's her new one, right? Cause it just means that like someone's one one shot an arrow, but someone else shot an

arrow at the same time and they, they, um, they criss crossed. And it was like, oh my god, who'd have thought. And number five is three ones, all put together. Now, Carol's like, look at me, I'm doing whatever I want now cuz I'm I'm rebelling yeah, but also Morgan Wade happens to have 9,000 tattoos like you're even copying Your mistress or whatever your best friend or whatever These are all snow that they're together. I don't think they're really good. No, but they're and these are also very much like I'm a teenager I mean get a I mean a I'm gonna tattoo like Kyle Rebelling is like, she's gonna go to like, hot topic next, come back with,

it's like what did you go through a tattoo design book at Claire's, like a heart and a moon and a star? Well, your regular heroin chic of the day. So then like the big moment where you know Marie-Cio's like oh, oh like I didn't I only know three She goes well, maybe she'll look at my body closer So then he does this thing Marie-Cio's face drops which he's we also I'm doing a different instance on the trailer where his veneers stay smiling

But his eyes droops. He's like, huh? Yeah, that's what I was saying. Like he keeps making these confused faces. Like what? Why are you saying that? Like he's completely confused. Like she's waited for filming to start before letting him know that she's got a problem. It's like someone said to him,

it's a beautiful day here in Virginia, don't you agree? But I thought we're in California. Oh, she's a real woman. Oh, my God. And she's like, obviously, this is a sign of us not spending time together. Like, usually, he would know I had a new freckle, and now he doesn't even know I have a new tattoo. He's like, so I think that's enough, yeah. She goes, um, I think I'm gonna be another one.

Yeah, but, uh, five tattoos is, you know, it's a lot, right? Right? Wink? Well, if I want to, I will. If I want to, I'm going to do it. How about that? I'm going to go, uh, but, you know, I mean, come on. Like, I'm not going to allow that Kyle.

She goes, oh, really, really allow me. You didn't even know how many I had, okay? And if I want one, I'm going to get one. Because guess what? It's my body. Love being. I mean mean stop that You haven't you have enough tattoos are we really having this fight on camera?

Yeah, we are and you don't have a choice and guess what after this I'm gonna go upstairs. I'm gonna listen to hole now. Love beam. Come on. I love when he says love. He's just like, what the fuck is a little beam? And I don't like it though. I said, I don't know and I don't like it though. Yeah, it's, uh, I'm out on this. I don't know really whether I believe it or not. Um, he certainly seems surprised. He's like, it's like, what? Sometimes you're married and they can do no wrong. And other times they breathe and you just want to punch

them. And right now I'm irritated because he wouldn't stop his phone call to come see with me. So I could tell him the urgent news that I have yet to actually tell him in the scene. So she's like, I'm at a point in my life where I don't have to explain myself to anyone, including you. Then I just went from a place where I was like during everything my mom said,

and then I was a mom myself and I had to be an example to my girls and like I realized like you can do all that and like things can still go to shit I did everything right and things are still going to shit and I don't know what happened with my sister Like I don't know for that or I don't know like I just don't have to answer for anyone and he's like But okay, but don't become a rebellious person, okay? Yeah, like and you got a rebellion. Oh wow Do you just did it again? Wow Listen, I am very fucking clear right now. I'm not rebelling. I'm just really clear

Okay, so Do you know why you are you eventually going to tell me why you made me stop my phone call and you said when you're getting off the phone No, because I had no reason to do it. I just wanted to do it to be a rebel She never she interrupts him for nothing. She interrupts him just to be like so Tattoo my ankle I got a tattoo. She's literally transforming into a teenager Gosh well says Kyle's rebellion season. You know I'm down, why not? Why not, we'll see what happens. I don't know, like I can't tell if I'm gonna wind up

being cheering, I don't know if I'm gonna wind up cheering her on and being like finally Kyle has dropped all the bullshit because for years and years, I've always said season one Kyle is real Kyle as we were saying earlier this recap, that's the real Kyle and then somewhere around season two or three she started doing the, oh, but I feel bad thing. And she started being like, you know, trying to hide that part of her.

And if this truly is her unquarking and saying, I'm sick of trying to be nice. And I'm just going to let my like inner monster out, I will be very happy. I will be cheering her on because Raging Lunatic Kyle is my favorite version of her. But if this is just her doing some sort of weird midlife crisis thing where she's trying to, I don't know, rebel just to rebel because she is going through whatever. I'm less than excited. Yeah, I mean, time will tell. I mean, we've got 97 episodes, because this is a top rated housewives, which means it will probably go 24 something episodes. And so we're in this for a few months at this point. So I'm just going to let it unfurl.

Model, if it's all a lie, or if they're really having problems, I mean, it does look real because of this dancing with the star stuff. But of course, it's very convenient, because it's like right on Premiere week. Yes. You see how it happens to be doing this uber sexual dance with his partner where she's, he's lying in the ground and she's straddling him on his crotch, you know? Like, okay, guys, like you're a little on the nose, you know? It's opening week of the show. He's trying to get ratings for that. So I don't know that I terribly, I don't know that I believe. Yeah, there is a feeling of inauthenticity to it,

which is tracks that is kind of Kyle's thing. She does sort of copy, she copies storylines, she copies looks and fashions and things in that. Like she's not an original, and that's where she always struggles. And I think that like she, she always gravitates towards people who are more original than she is and then she resents them for it. She likes to both bask in their glow like with Kathy with Kim others Lisa Vanderpump but then she resents that she is then being overshadowed by them and then she tries to push them out and so yeah I think she just I think she doesn't know what to do with herself.

I think these seasons where she is now like, she's back to being like the alpha without anyone like a Kathy that she can kind of like, pal around with or or coast off of. She goes, she goes a little baddie. Yeah, I think it's got to also be hard when your husband goes off and finally gets the show that they've been trying to sell for years Which is him and his real estate company on Netflix and all the kids are in it right? I think all I think it's him and the kids and so she has this thing But she came off a season where she was not like that well liked

But then they got their second season for that show. So it's got to kind of bug her. It's like her kids were her life all their growing up, but now that they're adults and they're with their dad all day, it's got to be a good- And maybe she's just exhausted. Maybe she's realized that no matter what I do, I still somehow cannot be the fan favorite. So maybe I should just stop all the bullshit and maybe I should let it out.

But I honestly think that a lot of it is the fact I was being facetious about it before, but I do think that there is something, the idea that like she has busy to herself, appropriately with children, raising her children, sending them off to college. She's had sisters, she had to take care of. So her sisters aren't as much in her life,

or at least Kathy's not, maybe came as back in. Portia is becoming more independent. She doesn't necessarily need her mom as much. There's no more kids left. Now Kyle has to look at herself and see, am I happy? Is this the life I really want? It might not be. We just saw this somewhere else on Bravo, where the last kid went off to college.

It just happens. It's a thing that happens. It's a very common thing. I feel like when the kids go out of the house, then all of a sudden couples have to sort of come face to face with some of the issues in their relationship, which is, you know, tough. Well, just like real laugh. By empty mess syndrome, that's what it's called. I know. Wow. Wonder what's gonna happen. Well guess what? This is a beautiful fun way to start off Beverly Hills with a two-parter. Thanks everyone for being here for it. Super fun and we'll catch you later this week with Southern Charm. Bye everyone.

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