Watch What Crappens - #221: Post Traumatic Fruits

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

Ben Mandelker (bsideblog, Banter Blender) and Ronnie Karam (TrashTalkTV) start this lovely episode off with talk of Thomas Ravenall's sperm still working and the new pics of David Beador's mistress. He cheated on Shannon with--Shannon. Also, it's a full hour fifteen minutes of Ladies of London giggles before ending with a not-European-at-all rehash of Below Deck. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch What Crappens. Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. And as usual, I'm here with a bad accent and a beautiful, hunky man with gorgeous locks of hair that hang down his back,

blowing the wind as he talks brilliantly about things. And his name is Ben mandelger of the b-side blog and the banter blender hello ben hello i was like who is this gentleman we're discussing is it coach from survivor god coach yeah i know i he's what kind of romance novel would that be uh it would be a very terrible romance novel with a lot of pontificating about dragons and tigers and be a lot of pontificating about dragons and tigers. It would be a lot of somebody trying to have sex with them with somebody who uses rock deodorant. Like least romantic book ever.

Anyway, thank you for listening to the Watch What Crappens podcast. And everybody, we love you. Thanks for being here. Yeah, so thanks for listening and we'll talk to you guys all next week. Bye. Yep, it's been fun. There is so much stupidity to talk about with Bravo and sometimes it makes you hate the world.

And sometimes I'm just so grateful to be here and get the yap about it, which is most of the time. So thank you. I am grateful for that as well. Come over to watch what crap ends.com for all our personal links and go to our Facebook page, Facebook.com slash watch what crappens.com for all our personal links and go to our facebook page facebook.com slash watch what crappens and that's where everybody gathers and just talks crap about everything really funny all the stories we're reading today are from there yes well you know

sourced from other places we don't have like reporters on there well sometimes we do do we oh yeah sometimes we do people will be like i Pandora, and here are the 20 questions I asked her about Lisa. You know, actually, I did walk by the offices of the Divine Addiction like about a week and a half ago. They have offices? Yeah, and not only do they have offices, they took over the office of my former manager. Whoa. So, yeah. So I actually am in a weird way connected to divine addiction.

I'll bet your manager just didn't pay and Muhammad took it back over and was just like, you can use it. Just take it. Take it till I rent it. I haven't divorced this wife yet, so she's not taking it. So just use it until she takes it. Yeah.

It was very exciting being so close to the hub of journalistic uh uh bravado the divine addiction covering everything we need to know what's the one from blood sweat and teal uh blood sweat and teal oh i love that show it's all about different shades i I'm actually wearing teal. That's so appropriate, Bonnie. I am wearing a teal. A women in power teal party. It was called, what was her name again? It was something pop, something pop something. What was Geneva Pop?

It's like Geneva Pop Matters or something like that. Geneva Pop News. Geneva Pop Sugar. Yeah, so it's like that. So anyway, people go on our Facebook and post really good shit, which we'll be reading in a moment. And we take forever with this. So go on to Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens to subscribe to the podcast and get the bonus episode every week. Ringers, we're doing our subscriber hangout next week.

Oh, we've got a good week next week. Oh, yeah. Two things happening next week. We're doing... Okay a good week next week. Oh, yeah. Two things happening next week. We're doing... Okay, wait. Hold on. I wrote it down. Tuesday, instead of just recording on the phone, I'm going to have to leave hashtag couch desk, which I'm still

at, by the way. No, you can bring the hashtag couch desk on my scooter. I'll strap it onto my scooter and my couch. We're having a play date. Yeah, we're going to get together And we're going to record the episode on Periscope We had so much fun when we live Periscoped Yeah

I don't know, I feel so old being like We're going to be on the Periscope Just to clarify We're recording our podcast as normal It will appear in your feed as normal. However, while we record it, we are going to put Periscope on so you can watch it live. Oh, God. You sound like Heather talking to a busboy.

Well. Or someone describing challenges on Big Brother. Just kidding. That's, you know what? That's where my mind is at right now. Okay? I just feel like being condescending. Okay?

I want to be patronizing. No, you're not being patronizing. No, no. I actually just don't explain anything. In case anyone gets concerned that, oh, no, I have to have Periscope to listen to next week's episode. No. The episode's normal. Okay?

Okay. But it's on Periscope. It'll be on Periscope also, so that'll be really fun. When we record, we're just going to be on Periscope together. Yeah, and we'll try to field questions live during the show, but it's a little hard because it's easy to get distracted. You think? And, of course, our link to our Periscope, I believe,

is on WatchWhatCrapHands.com. And, by the way, one thing that we actually would like to mention, we know we make about a dozen demands of you guys, which is so impressive that you guys put up with it, especially because there's like a minute pre-roll before the show even begins. But be sure to subscribe to our podcast. You can subscribe on iTunes, on SoundCloud, Stitcher,

wherever you want. You don't have to wait for us to post the episode On Facebook you can just subscribe And it will appear On whatever platform that you use On whatever yeah Sometimes people are like where's the Like if we post If we post a link to iTunes instead of SoundCloud on our Facebook

Sometimes people are like well where's the episode And this is just a way to say Don't worry if you subscribe The episode will come to you like Harry Potter's wand um yeah oh yeah so we're going to do our Periscope on wait what's that

Tuesday and that'll be at noon Pacific time so it's a weird time to do it I mean we don't expect like a zillion people but yeah but that's when we record that's Tuesday the 22nd and yeah we'll be doing that at noon together and then on that thursday we will be getting together to do our hangout that night so we're going to record our episode as normal and then that night we're going to have our subscriber hangout and that'll be at 6 p.m uh pacific time and you can get that info on patreon.com just come to facebook or patreon or whatever and you'll see the links

there if you are a subscriber it'll link you to patreon which will link you to a google hangout and we'll talk and talk and laugh and laugh we'll never stop yeah um so let's get on with the show i know 20 minutes later here's the podcast i know sometimes we do record this when it's sunlight and if you've had like a night before it's like hello it takes a minute to like wake up yeah especially on thursdays because we don't have the bonus episode to slap us into gear i know and it's such a beautiful day out here today in la and the sun is shining we don't have to do a bonus episode we can just relax i'm not sweating out the smell of frozen potatoes and goat cheese oh it sounds delicious i know talk about romance novels i'm sipping on my coffee i'm already almost done with my coffee because

it doesn't matter. Let's just get to the podcast. I've got like a jug of coffee and also found a good coffee creamer. Coffee made Nestle espresso flavor with Star Wars R2D2 on the front. Thank you, everybody. I've done it. So your creamer comes from

Tatooine. Best taste in cancer I've ever had, y'all. Okay, so let us start with some Housewives. Gossy up. Yes, please. Because, I mean, it was like below deck, and Ladies of London was great. Okay, we've got Gossy. Oh, my God.

Good shit going down this week. So, Thomas Ravenel is expecting baby number two. Fresh from being punched. Fresh from being punched in a bar. As noted on Tuesday's episode. Can you believe we have actually two separate Thomas Ravenel pieces of gossip

for this week? Thomas Ravenel's getting punched then punching wombs with his Ravenel's getting punched, then punching wombs with his Ravenel sperm. You'll never guess who he impregnated being. Tommy! Is that Carly Fiorino? Don't leave me, Thomas!

Thomas is, you know, he has to recognize that I'm going to be his wife. And we have a family, Thomas, and I support you. And if that's what we're going to do, that's what we're going to do, Thomas. Thomas. Sandy Duncan is mean to me, Tommy. Tommy. Can you believe he went back to the well? I mean, he never left that well.

He's like, I'm not thirsty. And then he'd leave the well and then he'd be like, I'm thirsty. And then he'd come back to the well. It's like you never really leave the Brita, do you, darling? The Brita. Don't even act like there's some sort of filtered water in that well. You never left the garden hose. That is not puttable water, Thomas, and you know it um he is he has knocked up katherine

calhoun once again and well her name isn't katherine calhoun is it the baby's calhoun something but katherine wow this is a dysfunctional relationship and uh one that obviously does not involve condoms or birth control because they are so dysfunctional. He I feel like in his brain, he knows Catherine is not the future and that he should not be with Catherine. Oh, but no. Oh, man. I think Thomas has seen his future recently and it didn't look as pretty as it once did. And he's re-looking at the future again.

He's like, put on my great-grandma's fur, and I'm going to look at you as a different future. A future with a fur that doesn't ever quite fit you. I can't wait for all of Cameron's snotty little comments on the next season of Below Deck. And Whitney, too. Oh, man, They are going to be chuckling up a storm. Yeah, not that huge of a shock. I mean, I guess it's nice in this day and age

to see people actually committed to each other. That's nice. You know, it's like they're having babies with the same person. You know, that's kind of commitment today. Yeah, yeah. Good for them. Have your baby. What couple's not dysfunctional you two kids you have a good time and catherine please do not complain anymore about not getting child support

because now it's going to be like double the complaints yeah exactly i didn't get a check and it's going to be like but why are you mad i didn't get a check but you already said that but it happened twice and i know katherine it's called birth control so if we hear any complaints about how you're you're left alone taking care of two babies and thomas is out doing who knows what well guess what it's called birth control you shouldn't have gotten knocked up a second time and he shouldn't have knocked you up you're both at fault don't think that i'm blaming the victim i'm not even knocked up shaming my my thing isn't that she even got pregnant i'm not no no i'm not suggesting you i'm think that I'm blaming the victim. I'm not even knocked up shaming. My thing isn't that she even got pregnant.

I'm not knocked up – No, no. I'm not suggesting you are. I'm saying if she complains about it, though, it's like, well, you could have done something about it. No, yeah. I know what you mean. But I just feel like it's not the – the problem with me isn't that she got pregnant in general. It's that she got pregnant with, like, a guy's baby who she knows is not going to give her the money.

It's like, at least have some financial sense. I don't expect our private parts to have any sense because I know mine can't think. And vaginas get a lot more credit for thinking it through. But let's face it. I've never met an actual vagina that's thoughtful. Come on, everybody. Let's admit it. Yeah, take that Eve Ensler.

That's right private parts just basically don't think very much so it's up to it's up to you to look at your wells fargo account go to that uh statements and accounts make sure you click through all your build pays and look at the last time that shit was paid and then fuck somebody yeah Yeah. Yeah, this is going to be... It's a disaster, basically. These two and their two kids. I mean, Catherine, really becoming a poster child for daddy issues at this point.

And Thomas, becoming a poster child for disaster. And yet, and yet, by the way, by the way, all those people who were like, well, I would never vote for for Thomas Ravenel. I bet there's like a good chunk of them who would vote for Donald Trump. And that makes me mad. And I base that on very little information, actually zero information.

But I just feel like there are people in South Carolina who turn their nose up at Ravenel and who are who are pro Trump. And I'll tell you, I would prefer Trump, I mean, I would prefer Ravenel over Trump. Ew, I wouldn't. I mean, at least Trump, look, Trump may be an asshole, but there's someone who understands finances, you know? Like that guy, yes, and you can say bankruptcy and stuff like that, but... Bankruptcy and stuff like that.

But it's also kind of a good strategy when you have a bunch of different companies under different LLCs that you file bankruptcy on when you have a bunch of different companies under different llcs that you file bankruptcy on when you don't pay them back and file you know and like it may be evil but it's not stupid thomas thomas is just stupid he is stupid no like donald wouldn't that be fun he's done some dumb things but for the most part he's not an idiot he's just an asshole thomas is stupid and an asshole.

If Rick Santorum and Ted Cruz can get into positions of power, then I say let Thomas Ravenel and his baby-making, cocaine-reformed ways get up there, too. Why not? Why not? Let's mix it up. It's like the movie Idiocracy that came out years ago that was about how stupid we're all getting. Hello, we're part of it it we're on a show called watch it crappens but anyway it's talking about how stupid the world is getting and the president is a pro wrestler and it's really not that far off you know it's like a reality show star well

i mean people were people were shocked i mean it was a big deal i don't think we really realized it but i think it was a big deal that ronald reagan was president remember back to the future oh that's true martin mcfly goes back in time and and doc is like who's president he's like ronald reagan and he's like oh well who's vice president like my element in a row or whatever he said you know so uh yeah we aren't that far off we are not far off you're like historically we've always been stupid if you really think about it we've always been a very stupid country now watch it like hashtag americans against crains, which would actually be a blessing. That's how we extend our listenership is get a hashtag.

Can I make a side note, by the way? I'm a little fired up about something. I'll be very quick because this has nothing to do with Bravo, but it has to do with a former Bravo guest of ours, a crappins guest. There's a hashtag going around this week, nurses unite. Have you seen that? Yes. Oh, my God. crappin's guests there's a hashtag going around this week nurses unite have you seen that yes oh my god so you know why do you know the backstory about why there's hashtag nurses unite well i'm very educated i read a tweet about it and somebody said nurses are mad at the view because they said something about nurses uh being dumb on miss america or something exactly and that's

probably why that's probably what most people read, which is why people are just forwarding it because nurses are outraged. So what happened was, former Krappen's guest, Michelle Collins, and Joy Behar were talking about the Miss America competition. Those two are going to get into some trouble together anyway. They are going to get into trouble left and right. It's actually hilarious to me.

But, you know, here's the thing. So Miss Colorado, for her talent, for the talent portion, she came out on stage dressed as a nurse, because she is a nurse. She had a stethoscope, and she did a monologue that she wrote herself. It was a nice monologue. I thought it was very saccharine, but it was

also very manipulative, because she's talking about how she deals with this Alzheimer patient, and she can't help him in certain ways because she's like, well, I'm just a nurse. I'm just a nurse, just a nurse. And then one day she comes in and he's crying and he says something to the fact that like,

you're basically, you're more than just a nurse. That's like a nice thing, but it's like treacly in the way that some forwards are over email. The point of the story is this. Monday on The View, Joy and Michelle are talking about it, and they kind of, you know, they make fun of it in the sense that it was like

a stupid monologue, and it was manipulative, because if you speak against it, you're like, oh, well, you're speaking against Alzheimer's and nurses, you know? So, of course, hashtag nurses unite. I can't believe you think that nurses have no talent, they don't do anything, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it made me so mad. I'm like, people just love being outraged they just love i mean listen we're a podcast where

all we do is get outraged but but at least we know what we're outraged about is exactly stupid exactly because i actually saw the hashtag before i even watched the clip and when i watched the clip i was like really that's it that's why people are mad? You know, people just, you know what? Listen, no one was saying that nurses are useless. Could you imagine anyone saying that? Everyone knows nurses are wonderful. No one would say that to a nurse. Oh, stupid nurses.

They're like the saints of the industry, as they should be. Oh, my God. So it just, what bothers me is that someone started the hashtag. Someone was annoyed that someone dared to make fun of Miss Colorado, which I'm sorry, Miss Colorado, that was her talent. I think you can make fun of it. It was like, I'm sorry. It's not, it's nothing against nursing because you think her monologue is silly. I'm sorry.

Why can't it just be against bad monologues? You know, like, what are we going to be outraged that someone's being mean to terrible actors? No, that's what we thrive on in this country. Get your priorities straight. You know what? Like, everyone these days is so sensitive about being shamed. Everyone's like, oh, well, you know, don't fat shame me. Don't slut shame me. Now

it's like, don't nurse shame me, you know? And then at the same time, then everyone goes and publicly shames everyone else. So it's ridiculous. So here's the footnote, and then I'll be done with this non-Bravo rant. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. You can just's ridiculous so here's the here is the footnote and then then i'll be done with this this non-bravo rant i'm sorry i'm sorry everyone you can just fast forward that's the that's the beauty of a podcast you can just move your little thing forward until i stop yeah just give us a moment we'll be back to our own public shaming yes yes we'll be back to our own it doesn't count when you're behind the couch desk. Yeah. So then yesterday on The Insider, I think it was The Insider or ET, Nicole Arbor, who we discussed on our –

Sorry, guys. I'll turn it on to silence. Remember Nicole Arbor? She's the one who fat-shamed people on her YouTube channel and got kicked off YouTube. Oh, yes, yes, yes. We talked about her on The Boney Baloney. Yeah, now she really did go after fat people. And she was really nasty about it, okay?

She's like, I'm not after the kind of fat people. I'm after the really fat people. Oh, okay, thanks. So she, I guess, was on The View this week. And so she told Entertainment Tonight, she was like, yeah. So, like, Michelle apologized on the air. But then backstage, she was just like, whatever. I have to apologize because people on Twitter are mad and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she was talking so much shit about Michelle and, like, what Michelle was saying backstage, which may or may not have even been true.

And I was like, no, shut the fuck up, Nicole Arbor, okay? You are basically, like, trying to be the next Ann Coulter at this point, just saying outrageous things to just get people mad. I don't know. The entire thing infuriated me well it worked people feed off that shit you know it worked not only because some people agreed with it but also because people were outraged and then people were outraged that fat people would have the nerve to be outraged and then fat people were like yeah but i'm outraged because i can't sit on a plane seat and then fat people were like like, yeah, I'm outraged too, because I should have bigger plane seats.

This is, you know, this is whatever, a disease or whatever. And then everybody's such a victim. I'm like, oh my God, if there's like a literal car crash outside and somebody is bloody on the street, everybody's just going to be too busy because there's not even a real victim. It's like, who do you even pick up anymore? It's like ambulances.

That's why ambulances have started charging you every time they pick you up because everybody's in emergency all the's why ambulances have started charging you every time they pick you up because everybody's in emergency all the time finally they were like fuck this we're charging for this shit okay yeah exactly and uh you know uh the reason why i found the nicole arbor uh clip is because i want to see who some of the people were posting hashtag nurses unite and there's this one girl she's like loving mother and and and and wife and blah blah blah and then she's like fuck you michelle like we work hard blah blah blah blah blah blah and then it's a clip and she posted a video on instagram of nicole arbor saying

what she said i was like you know what whoever you are lady you didn't even you probably never even looked at the source of the original comment and on top of that you're basing everything off of what nicole arbor says on et this is the problem right here and i even wrote a comment i said i would take what nicole arbor says with a grain of salt oh my god stop saying that girl's name i can't i can't even have that name in my because i didn't even know the name and when you keep saying it it's going to stick in my head and I don't want that girl to be stuck in my head I know I don't but yeah people you know look I don't know I we're just also frustrated with real issues that we're taking it out on other issues so that we can yell and scream I know I know that I do it on this show I'll get mad at certain things and

go crazy and then later I'll be like maybe that's because of you know being behind on my own bills that i'm mad about whatever yeah you know people feel marginalized in general i mean so anyway look you know that was my rant i say harm with guns okay i mean no i'm saying don't harm with guns harm with your words if you're going to be angry i mean fine i think at some point we're just all going to be so desensitized to it that uh it's going to become fun to have a positive you know to be happy or to just once we just all chill with each other we'll realize that we're all the fucking same and we can all make fun of shit together like we don't need to be so separate exactly and by the way i think if

nurses want to focus their wrath on anyone it should be on kim zolciak who makes their profession who really puts a blight on their profession kim zolciak does not the woman of the view oh god kim souls well i'll always have respect for her actually because of that to be honest i know oddly enough me too and luann too because when when you actually that's your actual job, I mean, that's not just, you know, the joke is always like, oh, the sexy nurse, and then she finds a rich guy or whatever, which you know, I guess both of these

women could kind of be that stereotype, but at the same time, they're cleaning up blood and shit, and like the people that they have to touch. Including one day us? Yeah, they touch a lot more people than the doctors. They do the pre-screening and all that shit. Yeah, they have to deal with all the shit, literally.

And so, well, I say, but, you know, they're so busy that they don't have time to, I guess, watch the actual clip. But I don't know. Not all. I mean, obviously, it's not like all of them didn't watch the clip. One was going to be mean to a nurse. Come on now. If anything, it's taking down a bad monologue. Don't be mean to a nurse come on now we're if anything is taking down a bad monologue don't be doing monologues as miss america what are you doing

and if you're going to do a monologue don't make it about what like a sensitive great amazing human being you are and you finally realized it and now you're in a ball again it's like i'm so sorry pretty pretty privileged you know she she's she's she um she managed to find a way around having to sing or dance or do puppetry so she could do a monologue which she by the way did not do very well it was like watching a sixth grader do a monologue and she wrote it herself and it was like it was nice it was nice but it was very amateurish i don't know i i i don't know if there's a talent portion you should be able to critique the talent at the end. Why is it okay for us to sit there and critique

her tits all night? And that's not disrespecting nurses. You know, why is... I mean, people are ridiculous. Give me a break. They are. Anyway, back to Bravo. Talking about getting outraged over ridiculous things and people

who really make a difference in this world let's talk about bravo let's talk about david's mistress just kidding so people are so mad um about everything because uh i read cindy c cindy c on the case posted uh something about david's mistress and everyone's getting mad because the shannon fans are mad that everybody's talking about this when they're going through this very personal time like well yeah it's not personal and private yeah so personal she's been talking about it on bravo i'm having an aries party to celebrate david's penis not being in somebody else david's penis is not up in the aries so let's have a party like shut, shut up. Stop talking about it, and then we'll stop talking about it.

How about that? Yeah, how about that? How about that? Talk about a victim parade. Oh my good. Shannon is the type that would get up as Miss America in a Miss America pageant and do a monologue. And for that, I would support. Show that

nurse how it's done. Yeah. Today, I would like to talk about David, my husband. 20 years ago, David and I made oaths to each other. We said till death do you part and we would be true to each other. But then David went and put his penis in another hole. And since then, our marriage has been crumbling. And I hope I win Miss America so I can be first somewhere

because it's certainly not at home thank you David I would like to solve Brooks' cancer I would like to cure Brooks' cancer and David I just want the world to have world peace and I want all of us to get along except for Davis' mistress

because she has rattled our family much the way as terrorists have rattled peace in the world thank you please stop rattling thank you that's that's that's gonna be my motto when i'm when i'm when i'm miss when i'm miss first lady of america usa universe one of the worst things i ever heard was that dav David's mistress referred to me as Rattlebones. And I thought, well, that's a convenient thing to say, Miss 30-year-old. And Donald Trump is the judge. You're old!

Die! Just die! I love the idea that Shannon's monologue at Miss America is just her rambling about David. She just, like, I guess, I start pageants so this uh article of course this is a daily mail link and you know i love me some daily mail because they not only go on 15 pages about one tweet but they will also bullet point it at the

top and then in the middle of the article they'll bullet point it again and then at the end they'll bullet point with a bullet point they're like if you miss these bullet points up top there's another bullet point about this bullet point and please like us on facebook yeah well at least it's better than buzzfeed who will have the headline be like hey look at this incredible video of a bear eating a fish and then you click on the link and then like first the bear puts his head in the water and you have a still from the video of the bear in the river and then it says and then the bear sees a fish and then it's another still and then the bear eats the fish and it's a still of the bear eating the fish and then it says watch the whole video here i'm like well you just spoiled it you just spoiled it with all your

screen grabs just put the video up top will you i already know what happens to the fucking fish i'm not watching this i'm not watching this It's a photo with a headline Now I see what's going to happen But meanwhile you've made them 5 million dollars With all your clicks Or even worse instead of a screen grab They just do little gifs of the movie So it's like you're watching the video

I am really ranty today I am sorry everyone We're talking about Shannon We still haven't even gotten to the story I honestly feel like And maybe it's why we still haven't even gotten to the story okay so the story i honestly feel like and maybe it's because we've been talking already for five hours but i feel like we've already read this story heard the story and seen this woman but i don't know everybody's outraged so this is the woman who cheated with husband of rohc's shannon bidor

an assorted eight month affair and then befriended the reality startup probe for info to break up the couple bullet points i'll just make it quick david bidor has been married blah he became intimate uh executive meeting of an elite business club entrepreneurs has a job vicky would approve i approve of the i approve of your mistress now you see there that's how to that's how to get a third wife. Someone with a job. I mean, come on. Also, she's 43. So you got to give David some credit because she's not.

43-year-old? Shannon first suspected David when she heard him whispering on the phone. Daily Mail has learned that Shannon and McMacken had become friendly. Oh, well, hello, Misscmackin miss 43 or oh 43 please stop mcmackin on my man shy mrs mcmackin i think she is married actually uh they became friendly after meeting at their daughter's after school basketball game shannon and david decided to be open about the affair on the seasons real housewives a move they hoped would help other couples and the woman is pretty.

She looks like Shannon. She looks like kind of Shannon crossed with Shannon. She looks like two Shannons. Yeah. If you took Shannon and mixed her with a little Shannon, you get this woman. If you took my last haircut and made it a mixture of this haircut, It would be two haircuts in one, and it would be medium, and that's about her. If I had the time to nebulize three times a day, that's what I would look like.

David was having sex with the... David was being intimate with the woman that I was creatively visualizing myself becoming. That's such a coincidence, Dr. Moon. So anyway. I bet she doesn't pee when she runs. Fairs are terrible. I mean, what else are we going to say at this point?

Yeah, basically, it's really not a news story. It's just that he... And David still had to fair. Jenna's like, damn it. Damn it, David. Did you read that? Oh, the negative thoughts. Did you read... I can't believe people it. Damn it, David. Did you read that? Oh, the negative thoughts. Did you read?

I can't believe people are talking about this, David. Tune in Monday, where I'll be talking to David about people talking about us after talking about the Daily Mail Online at a party. My favorite, my favorite publication is the Daily Mail because they bullet point my 40 to 50 negative thoughts.

David, David, would you like to bullet point something? David. At Daily Mail Online. Will you please bullet point my thoughts? Because they are taking over my life. Thank you.

All right. So let's get on to the show, shall we, Ben? I think that's a wonderful idea, Ronnie. Five hours in. Five hours in. We have to dive into the funniest show on Bravo right now, Ladies of London. Ugh, this show. Ladies.

Killing me. There's a reason why its acronym is LOL, because that's all I do when I watch this show. Yeah, this shit's pretty good. It's amazing. So let me see. Where should we start? Previously, a royal poor person, Caroline wore something with fringe on her boobs. I don't know why.

I don't know if we have to do previously since we did already cover what happened in the last episode. Well, it's just my notes, all right? I say previously because that puts me in the mindset to talk about now. Because we didn't talk about the fringy boobs. That's weird. And also the new Caroline. Okay. So that's what's coming up today yeah okay so julie jul uh notice on the beginning of the show they don't care about names and casting because it's juliet julie caroline and caroline that's what i thought too i was thinking that too i was like jesus

it's like the whitest people in the world. I think they're going. Jennifer, Jen, Jenny, and Julia. Basically, this show is all about set collecting. Okay, we got two Julies. We got two Carolines. Can we get a third somewhere? All right, great.

That means we get five points. Okay, we get two Julies and one Juliet. Then we get six points. Just not another Annabelle, because there's something about the numerology of that name and she'll be crying ten times the amount. I know. I love, again, the opening montage of this is what the ladies are up to and they're showing

everyone doing fabulous things and they cut to Annabelle pouring herself some tea in her old lady home. She's like, finally, I can pour tea again. So yeah, she's pouring tea and then the new wacky one is making scrambled eggs for a dog and uh and it's both wacky that she's making scrambled eggs for a dog and wacky that she's doing it herself i don't think that she's i actually don't get the vibe that she's trying to be wacky i think she she's just her. What I did love is that she makes the scrambled eggs,

and then the dogs eat it, and then she just is there on her knees staring at them, sorrow, like, with just nothing but sadness in her eyes. Like, this is my life. That's how they look at you, Bean. It's like a housewife in season five. Yeah. And Juliet's little opening thing.

They're rushing to get their kids out. And her husband's like, bye for five weeks. And she's like, honey, can you get me a new Chanel bag? He's like, no. He's like, no. Click. Slam. Yeah.

He's like, we live basically in the equivalent of Patterson, New Jersey, except in England. So, no. No Chanel for you. Yeah. Rent first. Chanel second. Yeah. You can't live in a Chanel bag, okay, Juliet?

And then Julie, poor person, royal, she's like, Oh, God, I've got to feed the kids spiders. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so hard. Get the spider butler and tell him he's breakfast. I don't know why things like that crack me up, but it's like lady feeding her dog scrambled eggs i gotta feed the spiders or the kids will be mad god lady drinking tea yeah um

blah blah blah caroline to marissa's what am i talking about caroline goes to marissa's house because marissa wants to electrocute her with some sort of taser spa treatment. That actually explains a lot about Marissa. Yeah, it really, really does. And they were talking about the Thanksgiving situation, and then the show flashed back to Marissa's Thanksgiving first, which looked so

stuffy and boring. It was dark, it was a dark room, they're all in blazers, and she's like, I just wanted to thank everyone, because my family comes for Christmas, and not for Thanksgiving,

and therefore, you honor my new American family. Like, I would like to thank you guys, for being my new family. It looks so boring. Just like my family. And they're all looking at her like,

what is Thanksgiving? Why are these potatoes mashed under a turkey with juice on it? We're the bangers. We're the bangers. Yeah, they're like, you're gross. And she's like, I would like to congratulate myself for having an amazing year.

I have planted a tree, a social tree, and this year I've learned to climb. Shut up, Marissa. Marissa's really annoying. Then they show the Juliet Thanksgiving at Caroline's, and it's basically four people, also a little stuffy, but at least it looked more relaxed.

But then Marissa's still all snippy about this whole thing, and she's like, I think Juliet chose the wrong social ladder to climb. Oh, shut up, as if you're not climbing every single social ladder. You're like a social ladder to stand under and then have, like, ten years of bad luck. Shut up, Marissa. Yeah, Marissa, you are basically, you brought up a fire truck, and you hauled out the biggest ladder you could find to rescue someone off the top of the social ladder. Your ladder is, like like 10 times larger than

anything juliet has juliet has like one of those little things that librarians use yeah she's got one of those step stools that people try and squat poop on yeah and everyone knows she's not going far up it so they just sort of let her let her climb where she may but marissa is the one who is really climbing the ladder here well she's bra's bragging about it. It's this weird sport they have. That's part of their personality that they're proud of. Some people work really hard to work out and look good. Some people read books and try and get smart and get jobs and stuff. But stupid people like her.

It's like, yeah, I've worked really hard. Do you know how many parties I've gone to to get invited? Finally. I've made it. Like, what are you talking about, you've made it? Okay, I don't see you getting an invitation to Buckingham Palace anytime soon. She rented a hall, Ben. She rented

a hall. How dare you? She rented Royal Albert Hall. She got personalized felt turkey hats for everyone. She has arrived! What was that party? Did she say that she has that every year for

her own party or that she sponsors that Royal Albert party thing? Is that her party that she has every year? It's just her party? She throws that huge thing? No. I'm like, no. Wrong, darling. It's a concert.

She just rents out a box. And so, you know, like a lot of stadiums have private stadiums. Oh, shut up, Marissa. She's making it sound like they gave her the Royal Ops. Like, I finally made it to the Royal Albert Hall. She's like, I invited 8,000 of my closest friends, except Juliet. No, she invited. What the hell is going on on this show?

And how rich is this bitch? Listen, they got a box. I mean, it clearly cost a lot of money. They got a box, they rented out one of the private rooms, that way they could have a little reception. But no, she's not freaking... She was not a promoter. She's not Live Nation, okay?

Yeah, she's like Ticketmaster. She's like, well, congratulations, she's like Ticketmaster. She's like, well, congratulations. You've made Ticketmaster Maude. She's like, well, now that I've arrived in London society, I have decided to invite 30,000 of my closest friends to run around the streets in what I like to call a marathon. I would like to invite everybody to the gay pride parade that I'm throwing for me and a few thousand of my closest gay people.

I would like to invite everyone to the Queen's Jubilee, which I am throwing. Thank you. The entire country is invited. And since I've arrived at the top of London's social scene, I know that everyone in the country is going to arrive for this event that I'm throwing for the Queen. London social scene, I know that everyone in the country is going to arrive for this event that I'm throwing for the Queen. I didn't know what a Jubilee was, so I got you guys hats that are shaped like jujubes. I would like to invite everyone to the races. I have decided to raise 10 different horses that we're going to race, and everyone, including the queen, is going to come. So thanks, everyone, for coming to my event.

Here's your horse hat. I got it for you before you decided to ruin my life and throw a party on the same day as me and compete with my paperless post. What's the name of that super famous horse race in England? The Ascot. Ascot. In My Fair Lady, it's the ascot cavort yeah thanks everyone for coming to my ascot event thank you for coming to the ascot cavort um thank you everyone i want to i just want to i want to welcome everyone who came

from london and everyone who drove through my channel to get here from France. Thank you so much for getting here. I would like to thank all of my American formula for not coming because you're embarrassing. And nobody invites you anywhere, even in Missouri. So stop it. I would like to invite everyone from across the world to use my airline, British Airways, to come visit London. Thank you so much. to use my airline, British Airways,

to come visit London. Thank you so much. When this scene began, this is going to be a 20-hour podcast. When this scene began, Caroline came into the house and she's like, darling, it's frigid in here. I was like, yeah, that's how I thought you liked it.

No, no, it was the other way. I thought it was frigid out there and then she's like, but it's boiling in here. Oh, it did. I just heard frigid and I was like, well, I did that on purpose. I thought it was frigid out there, and then she's like, but it's boiling in here. Oh, dude, I just heard frigid, and I was like, well, there you go. Well, either way, the point of the scene is that Marissa is organizing a little party at this Christmas carol sing-along,

and she's not inviting Juliet because she doesn't want Juliet there because she doesn't want the controversy blah blah blah. For a Christian holiday, by the way, I'll point out. Just what Jesus would have done. Jesus is like, damn it. You know what? People were giving gifts to each other on my birthday. Santa Claus

is not coming to my party. No! You know what? Here's what I don't want. I don't want Marissa to come and she's going to want to sing Deck the Halls and it's time for Joy to the World. And it's just not cool. So much drama. No, not invited. Could you imagine Santa Claus finally dying and going to heaven and Jesus is like,

Well, I had a turkey hat for you until you ruined my birthday by giving out your own presents to people. Thanks. You know, I understand. In a weird way, I understand Marissa because Juliet can be really annoying and if you just had, if she's just done this thing that's been really annoying, it's like, ugh, I don't want to have to invite her. But

to something like that where you invite everyone and then you don't invite her, it's mean. The punishment does not fit the crime. What you do is you just don't invite her to drinks next time you go out with two or three people you know yeah but at least give her at least we have to give her credit for not being passive aggressive she's just being straight up aggressive like that wasn't a passive aggressive it was aggro yeah um we're very into that confrontation later but the when they showed the clips they show a flashback of the thanksgivings as you were saying

and hers was terrible and then juliet's was so uncomfortable because she's at caroline's house like that's not fun caroline's like we've stuffed fantasia uh the assistant is now dead and we are eating her enjoy it someone feed me this with a fork and juliet's like yeah just like at my house back home where we would sit on the couch all day and i'm butting our pants yeah i dare you to fucking sit on her couch and i'm butting your pants exactly that's what i was gonna say is that it definitely did not look like the thanksgiving that juliet had envisioned caroline and her sister-in-law are just sitting there staring at juliet it's like valentina the other plates valentina turkey but julia is just as much of a

social she's not as good as it at it but she's just as shameless so it's hard to feel bad for her too because she's just oh of course she's so uncomfortable but it's like well yeah but i'm in a thanksgiving in a bigger house so i win like congratulations you found a bigger house to borrow at least we didn't see the whole thing obviously but at least you knew there was an option to go sit on a couch at some point whereas at freaking bumpkin it was 30 people in a dark room huddled around a tiny table with marissa congratulating herself okay well maybe that was how she grew up. That's true. Let's not just knock everybody's traditions. I know.

She's like, hello, hi, mama. Dod. Dodder. Okay, so the big thing is that Julia's not getting invited. Caroline's already annoyed because Caroline knows she's going to be stuck in the middle. And she said, I'm going to have to be dealing with this for the next three months, which is her way of saying, oh, fuck. This is what the storyline is going to be like the whole season, and I'm going to be in the middle and she said i'm gonna have to be dealing with this for the next three months which is her way of saying oh fuck this is what the storylines could be like the whole season and i'm gonna be in the middle right yep she literally said that it's like oh god i have to talk to you three months of the year and this is what i have to deal with pauline get me out of here pauline

take the shock therapy pauline pauline call fant Fantasia to call Valentina to call Vanessa to send you an email to remind you to tell me that I'm over this. I just don't want to do it. Meanwhile, her assistant Rainey is like, alright, mum, let's get you out of this electric fuck therapy, mum.

I got bad news, mum. Got bad news, mum. You're going to be in a fight between Marissa and Juliet for the next three news, Mum. Got bad news, Mum. There's going to be a fight between Marissa and Juliet for the next three months, Mum. Found something while cleaning your chimney sweep, Mum. Going to have to fire some people, Mum, before the fight gets too deep, Mum. Crocodiles are apparently all dead.

We can't make that crocodile pose for the queen's nephew's mother's cousin's friend that she met at that party one time, mom. That's fine. All right, then look around here. I'm eating a bowl of sugar candy. All right, look around here now. Delicious. All right, look around here now and tell me who to fire.

You look like you're going to cry. I think I am. That's disgusting. Get out of my sight. All right. That's later. Get out of my sight. All right. That's later on the episode. So good. She's like, leave.

Do not cry in front of me. Leave. So then the next thing we see is Annabelle taking Julie and Marissa to a gallery to see Sebastian Godin. Oh, good. Okay, it's a big white room with cords everywhere literal electrical cords yeah everywhere this is like i'm already happy because it gives annabelle an excuse to be high and mighty and artsy fartsy and all that fun stuff um so they get in there and then i love annabelle goes into immediate name name drop mode She's like, we are at an art show,

which a good friend, Emilio de la Moreno, has invited us to. Oh, shut up. Emilio. Emilio. We're here. We're at an art show. Alexander loved art. I learned something from art.

For example, today I saw one cord that was plugged into another cord which also had another cord plugged into it. Apparently it's an extension cord. You know, Alexander McQueen loved things that used electricity. He would always insist that all his machines

had a power cord. So this exhibit here that my good friend Emilio de la Marino invited me to is just exquisite. If only Alexander was here, I could finally tell him that he could use his lamp and his sewing machine at the same time. One of Alexander's most favorite things in the world

was a power strip. Apparently you could have put in up to five different machines into a power strip and they would all work this is something that my good friend emilio de la marino told me about power strips learn about it erinobel is so droll and she has three modes she's crying about herself or she's crying feels feeling bad for herself and yes breaking her spine is bad okay I'm not saying it's not but I'm just saying like crying for yourself

slash dead people or misbehaving horses slash or she's name dropping and talking about how famous she is or she's being an absolute cut fitness to everybody else which she was in this. And I loved it.

It was amazing. By the way, don't get it twisted. We love this shit. When she said, my good friend, Emilio de la Marino, I was like, yes. Yes. Have you ever thought of hanging an extension cord from your ceiling along with 50 others? No! extension cord from your ceiling along with 50 others.

No! I like that she throws a teacup at the wall. Get out with your battery-operated machinery. I was the first one to inspire Alexander to throw

tea at the wall. When Sebastian Gordon told me that he'd be hanging cords from the ceiling into the wall, I thought, this is classic McQueen. Don't you agree? Good friend, Emilio de la Marina? So, anyway, one thing that I also noticed in this scene as they walk in,

Julie, the thing with Julie is she's kind of astounded at everything. She's so self-deprecating that everything is like a wow moment for her. She's like, oh my God, there are cords. Look at me. Of course, I'm stepping right in the cords. I can barely even walk in heels. Oh, and now we're going downstairs. You know, I can barely walk on stairs. I have to take escalators everywhere. I mean, I'm a lady and I don't even know how to walk downstairs. This is just crazy. There's a downstairs. I never even knew there was such a thing as basements. I mean, I'm a lady. I don't even know about basements. I mean, it's crazy. She's like, hi, I'm Julie. Nice to meet you. Oh my God, I can't even believe I'm here. Where am I supposed to pick up the trays?

I'm supposed to serve, right? Oh, this is me. I don't even know I'm a lady. They don't even burn the hot chocolate here. I mean, it's crazy. I'm a lady. I don't even know how to not burn hot chocolate. And here they are serving hot chocolate,

perfect hot chocolate everywhere in a basement with cords. And I'm in heels. I mean, this is crazy. No one is mad at me for burning hot chocolate here. It's just weird. I don't know how to take it. I don't know how to take it. Some people just can't be hugged. It's just so amazing being around Annabelle. I mean, she's like aristocracy for dummies, which is perfect because I'm a total dummy. I mean, I don't even know how to read. So I wouldn't even know how to read aristocracy for dummies. I mean, it's crazy. I don't have time

to read. It's just kids, kids, kids. Spider feed the spider. Do you have any to-go boxes? Is there any food here? Oh, God. Is that a corn? Don't jump on the corn. Oh, Jesus. This place may be proof.

What's happening? I don't even know how to pose for a camera. I mean, is this how you do it? You have to teach me. I've never even seen a camera. They can actually take your soul and put it onto a picture. That's crazy. Is this going to steal my soul?

Annabelle, you have to teach me everything. Oh, this is so great. They taught me about pictures. I'm still being painted at this damn, the damn castle. It's taking forever. Is that what I look like? I've like literally never even seen myself before. I'm a lady.

I've never even seen a picture of myself. Do you know how hard it is to maintain your weight for four years to get one painting done? It's hard. It's hard. Oh, Julie. Love watching Julie just being a stressed mom. And I'm also loving the dichotomy of like royalty. Basically, you run a public hotel.

Yeah. Royalty. Make sure the janitor cleans the cafe in front of your house. It's like poor thing, you know. I don't know. It's like you marry royalty and then it's like you're a worker bee i know thing poor thing poor thing so um can't wait to watch you spiral out of control on tv so then i have caroline inviting caroline to scandinavian christmas uh i don't remember i'm looking through my notes i put

julie doesn't know to have pic taken in front of cables exactly so funny oh and then uh no i have to say this too because this is some funny shit when she when uh annabelle's like i'll show you how to take a picture. And she's like, oh, she's a fashion icon. And then Annabelle stands there still. And then she tilts her head very slowly to one side. And then tilts it very slowly to the other. It's like a slow-mo, those stupid iPhone slow-mo videos of someone trying to clean their water. You know, like, water out of their ears or whatever.

Yeah, exactly. That cracked me up because she threw her head back. And then she puts her head forward in this, like, could they water out of their ears or whatever? Yeah, exactly. That cracked me up because she threw her head back and then she puts her head forward in this, like, crooked way and she puckers her lips and gives this very serious I'm a model, I'm aristocracy for dummies, Alexander, look. And then she throws it back and throws it forward, throws it back, and then afterwards she's like, okay, I'm done now.

I inspired Alexander to design the bobblehead and originally it was supposed to move at this rate but unfortunately companies in china don't give you that option when the car is moving i was the muse behind duck lips it happened when we're at balmora and we were hunting and the dog went and got a duck. I came back with a duck, and before the duck died, I thought, wow, how photogenic. When I was a wild partying youth, I played a pinball machine like a wacky girl, and I got a tilt, and it gave me the idea.

Thank you, pinball machine. I miss you, pinball machine. Come back to me, pinball machine. I miss you, pinball machine. Come back to me, pinball machine. Alexander! Rock and roll. Rock and roll. There was one time when it was afternoon tea, and I decided to have some English breakfast tea in the afternoon.

It was so rock and roll. I took a sip and it was hot, and I flung my head back. I thought, my lips are burning and my head was back and my lips were puckered and I thought, that is art. When I'm ready to jump back in the scene and I'm completely healed

from this monstrous, horrific thing that's happened to me, I plan on eating a bowl of Fruity Loops in the evening. Watch out. Watch out. Watch out, rock and roll. You're about to be reforged.

Fun time. I was about to put some clotted cream onto my scone and I thought I heard a noise. I put my head forward and I thought, that is a great pose. Rock and roll. I'm still suing the American

company PBS. Apparently there's a large man shaped like a bird who has stolen my pose. From Wondery, this is Black History For for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about,

especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter

for black rights, she is a villain to others. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or

be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power money and sex collide in a game of life and death follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad

free right now by joining wondery plus my a very good friend of mine mr Mr. Snuffleupagus, he told me all about rock and roll. Snuffle, yeah. I inspired Alexander to design Snuffleupagus. Snuffleupagus only got his distinct look after he met Alexander, after Alexander met me. Before, he was just a regular donkey, and who needs that?

Right, Alexander? And then came the birth of Snuffleupagus. My good friend Emilio de la Marino once told me that the fashion industry has never been the same ever since Snuffleupagus came around. And we all know that I was the muse to the muse for Snuffleupagus.

The fashion industry changed the day the normal donkey walked into Amelia's showroom, tripped over a cable art installation into a pile of dust bunnies, and then was born

Snuffleupacle. They wanted to name Snuffleupagus. They wanted to name Snuffleupagus Annabelle, and I said no, do not call that beautiful donkey Annabelle. Call him Snuffleupagus.

Oh, God. I love it. So stupid. Okay, so now finally we're going to meet. Go ahead. No, you go. I was going to say, now we're done with the second scene of the episode. No, so anyway, so Caroline, I forget what's happening in the scene,

but basically Caroline invited Caroline to Scandinavian Christmas. And by the way, as soon as she did that, I wanted to Scandinavian Christmas. And by the way, as soon as she did that, I wanted to go so badly. How do we get to go to Scandinavian Christmas? Can someone invest? Airports, flying, people, humanity, different... I want to go to

Scandinavian Christmas. Couch desk. And I love how Caroline Stansbury describes Caroline Fle fleming she's like well you know she's grown up in castles you know she'll tell you to come casual dinner and show up in a ball gown she's crazy i'm like that sounds great to me i love her yeah another episode of rock and roll ladies of lond. She's like, she's crazy.

She came to a casual dinner in a bog. She feeds her dog scrambled eggs. She eats the main dish with the salad fork. And Caroline saying people judged her so harshly because she didn't stay home. She didn't run the family castle. She went on television. She had some self-respect

and went on America's model of, I don't know what it's the top of, but it's on the television. America's top Danish model. I had Valentina watch it once and she said it was quite lovely. Well, I love that Caroline Fleming is, she is very, I mean, she's,

what am I trying to say? I like that she is, she does ooze wealth. You know, even though she's sort of, quote unquote, of the people a little bit, she is not. Like the first thing we see of her at home, she has a friend named Bjjorn alls come over to visit and then her friend pia is also visiting and i just love this woman has a friend named pia

and a friend named bjorn and pia is the most lethargic blase person we've ever seen on bravo she's like yes and she lifts a lazy arm that's like a wilted flower to shake someone's hand. I love everything about Caroline's world. Is that the sister-in-law, Pia? No, the sister-in-law is Caroline Stansberg. Oh, okay. Pia is just a friend. Oh, God, you see, I'm going to have trouble with this. Pia is just a friend who flew in.

She's like, oh, Pia, I'm so glad you were able to fly in. And Pia's like, ugh, thanks. Like, yeah. And Pia's like, thanks. Like, yeah. Yeah, she's one of those rich ladies on Bravo who's, like, trying to be, have the personality of, yeah, one with the people. I don't think she's trying to, I honestly don't think she's trying to have the personality. But she's not obnoxious about it. I think that's just her.

You know, when you are so wealthy like that, you don't need to put on airs. That's just her. Yeah, but there's something about going on reality shows that i think that there's a certain desperation there oh yeah whoever it is so anybody on a reality show is automatically flawed in that way oh they all any anybody who does any kind of entertainment or whatever has some kind of need for attention right yes so she's been rich and stuff but she still wants that need for attention. And when you need that from the people,

they like it when you're one of them. And she's just like, I don't know. I don't know what you want to say. I do obviously like her security, but I think she seems pretty self-possessed. I love when she and Pia and Bjorn went upstairs to decorate the Christmas tree. And she just goes, so shall we just?

Like she doesn't finish her sentence. She's like, shall we just? I like how she, I was actually thinking in the part where Caroline was like, she is one of the finest women in the country. She has been on television or whatever. When she was doing that, I was thinking, this is the first housewife that we've really ever had that hasn't had that opening scene where they do all that you're like

who the fuck is this and then people talk later this one she was announced kind of last time and this time i was like where is she and then they finally showed her and the first thing she says is well i am from uh she said something like i'm from an aristocratic family uh but the first thing but i don't want the first thing to tell people when i meet them is that i'm royalty i'm like bitch you just did like you literally just did and that's what made me like her because i was like oh so she's trying like her thing is she's trying to be one of the people, but she's just going to fail miserably. And that's going to be amazing to watch. Yeah.

You know, I love that in Housewife. Shall we just? Shall we just? I'm just, I'm not even wearing shoes at my party. It keeps me grounded. Yeah. It's like, yeah, because we're on the ground. You know, I like to feel the ground it

makes me feel grounded that's why they call it grounded you know i learned that in denmark i just love bath i just got in from paris and it's very grounding i just got in from paris literally at 4 p.m and now i need to cook cheetos yeah well anyway so so before we get into that jumping ahead a little bit um so we have so caroline f is gonna throw a scandinavian christmas party and um so now the people are getting ready and julie guess what julie is wearing a red dress that was lent to her by annabelle. And that dress is not just any dress. It's an Alexander McQueen. Poor Julie.

And Annabelle thinks she's being hilarious. But I know what you're doing, Annabelle. You're putting her not only in last season, but like, I don't know, how many seasons ago would that be? She's like, would you like to borrow my 11 seasons ago dress? Alexander made it. She's like, oh, my God. Oh, God. Alexander made this?

Oh, my God. Of course. I can't believe it. Thank you. I don't even know who Alexander is. I'm a lady. I don't even know who Alexander is. Is this Alexander the Great?

This is designed from Persia? Wow. Oh, my God. Do you know Alexander McQueen? Is that like the Queen of McDonald's? Who is it? Who is it? Oh, look at Wade.

My kids love McDonald's. Do you get freebies on Happy Meals? That's that's what i'm asking i wouldn't do that i'm not a climber i'm on a castle i'm royalty but do you think i could meet him do you think you'd introduce me to alexander mcqueen annabelle drops her teacup i cannot believe you just said that um i have to say just because it's alexander mcqueen does not mean it's the best dress for julie i did not think it looked great on her i thought it looked kind of like a sagging red prom dress one of them even said like one of the ladies like oh are you going to prom you look like a gift bag for a wine bottle darling what are you doing um when she put on that dress i'm just like do i look beautiful and she she's pretty and everything and her body's banging oh my god but that dress there was it's one of those dresses that are designed for the runway model who's like a ruler and has nothing

on them and she is she has that kind of body but there's like a lit there's two darts sticking out from the rib cage you know it's like alexander was trying to make it look like a model actually had a rib cage it was like kind of falsifying a rib cage it was weird it was it was very unflattering on her i thought it actually made her look skinny in a bad way it was almost like it drooped too low in her cleavage and it sort of exposed a lot of her skin and there was like a lot of sun damage on her chest it just sort of did it lot of her skin, and there was a lot of sun damage on her chest. It actually made her look old, and it also wasn't totally appropriate for the event because it was a little bit too...

There was too much skin showing, and not like a, oh my God, shocking, but it looked almost more summery than like a Christmas party outfit. Well, this girl married a royal, ended up being a minimum wage worker at a public space, then has to go to a party with someone really famous, and then wear clothes that don't fit her that are hand-me-downs from like 11 years ago that you know smell like mothballs. I mean, it's Annabelle. Yeah, rock and roll mothballs.

I put these in a plastic thing with tape and air condensing and mothballs it's like oh you marinated it gross well I love that um as the party as the Scandinavian Christmas was gearing up Caroline Fleming was very sure to mention that um she's like well you know uh you know I don't necessarily know all the people coming I don don't know the Americans, but I know they're friends of Caroline's. They're very important to Caroline, so I want to welcome them into my home. I was like, okay, that was her hedging her bet to say,

if these people act crazy, it does not reflect on me, okay? These are not my guests. I just want everyone to know these are not my guests. They're not my friends, everyone. I want you to know. I don't want people, I don't want fans on the internet blog for America's Not America's Model of Tops to be writing me hate mail.

I do not know these women. That's it. Scrambled eggs, dogs. I am making an American hamburger for my dogs. The end. If they don't understand my metal bench with the little mountain in the middle, well, then that's on them as Americans.

I'm sorry. I saw this and I thought, this is a bench no one will understand. And then I took off my shoes and I paid for it. That's how I do things. There are no rules! Nothing says free spirit than a bench that no one can sit on.

And of course they show the gay guy, like rubbing the hump of the bench. Like, I like that. That's nice, isn't it? I'd like to have a nice sit down on that one. She literally bought a homeless proof bench for her living room.

You know how they put the things in there? Yeah. So you can't fall asleep on the bench. She's like, no one will be falling asleep in my living room because I want them to leave. I have to find them. I have to leave right now. So they all get there and they're sitting around.

And then Caroline F., so condescending, she's like, oh, for the Americans, I got some Cheetos. Would anyone like any Cheetos? And she literally passes around a bowl of Cheetos. I'd like to celebrate the Americans. passes around a bowl of Cheetos. I'd like to celebrate the Americans. Americans, I've got Cheetos and I've gone into trillions of dollars in debt in the past ten minutes.

Welcome to my home. Please, Tim, take off your shoes. It's not for you. Here, on the left here, in this bowl, we have some crackers and on the right we have some cheese that I sprayed out of a can. I feel like that was the Dr. Jackie test on Married to Medicine. Now, do you want to eat the bell pepper

or the pizza? You decide. Like, hard test. And Juliet's like, wait, was Juliet there? Who was all excited about Cheetos? And Caroline, oh, Cheetos. Oh, she's just crazy. Look at her, not wearing shoes. Oh, I'm

telling you. One of the finest women in London. Bonkers. You heard it here first, folks. Juliet's like, I just wish that she had served Fritos instead of Cheetos, because Fritos just remind me more of home, and you know, Christmas, it's like, it reminds me of home, and I don't get to be at home, so the Fritos are like, home. I don't know. It would mean a lot

to my family if you had Frito pie. So, like, I don't know, like, I'm not telling you what to do, it's just like, you're bossy, and I want Frito pie. So, like, I don't know. Like, I'm not telling you what to do. It's just, like, you're bossy, and I want Frito Pie. So, I mean, it would mean a lot to my family because, like, my family's sad. My husband's gone. My husband's gone. Where's my husband? Do you have Frito Pie?

Marissa shows up with a bag of Doritos with Julia's name on it. I just want you to know these are the Doritos I bought for you before you decided to go to Caroline Fleming's Christmas party instead. Why are you so bossy? I never said I like Fritos. It's like, oh, shut up, Juliet.

Yes, you did. Just so you know, just so you know, here's the bag of combos that I bought for you before you decided to go to your own Scandinavian Christmas. Oh, so I'm a terrible person? Is that what these Fritos are saying? Was there not a bag that said Fritos for horrible people? Why don't you go buy that bag? I'll eat them because I'm a horrible person. That's what we do, right?

We eat chips that are labeled horrible? All I'm saying is that I butchered a reindeer for our Scandinavian Christmas slash late birthday party for you and you decided to trade up. So here are your combos. It's my fault that Santa Claus beats Rudolph the Reindeer.

That's what you're saying? Oh, great. Kind of, yeah. I killed Christmas. So you're blaming me for giving your people poison blankets and taking over your country? Is that what I did? Is that what you're saying?

All I'm saying is that I have made a Scandinavian meal with herring and berries and prunes. And if you don't want to have it, that's fine. Here are your sun chips. And prunes. So do we cut to that part yet? No, no. I love that part, though. Oh, my God.

The two idiot Americans. I just love it because this show is just set up to make fun of americans and of course it makes all people look like dodo birds but the americans always take the cake oh my god i mean they make americans look bad even for a bravo show and that's saying something yeah so no what happens is first they're all they're waiting around for dinner to be served and they're all mad that caroline doesn't actually have any help because it's like she's taking too long in the kitchen i mean i can't believe it she doesn't have any help it's ridiculous we're so hungry but this is what i do i do everything myself i cannot have people cooking for my guests i do think i my family wouldn't do that we're royal i loved at

this point by the way that or maybe it was a bit later but annabelle she's in the kitchen she's holding a dog on one hand and a bowl and the other and the dog starts to slip away she's like oh no and she puts the bowl down to like rescue the dog and hoist it back up i'm like bitch just let the dog fall to the floor it's okay it's a dog it's okay no don't drop your dog it was like whatever mac and cheese shit you're making for your guests, because you know. It's like everyone, yeah. You know she says she cooks, and then she just cooks for the party so she can say she cooked, and then everything's like, you know, a lettuce wrap with Cheeto. It's like one of those top chef challenges where they have to get stuff out of the snack machine.

Yes. It's like Americans, we love this. Well, so either way, Caroline served up goose, which, by the way, looked delicious. But there was a controversy because Juliet won't eat goose. She eats duck, but she won't eat goose. I'm sorry, but I'm in charge of my life, and I'm in charge of what I eat, and I'm not going to eat things I'm not comfortable with. And that's just like, that's what I'm saying. And that's like the stand I'm making. That's a stand. There. There.

I said it. I said it. There. I did it. I did it. There. I did it. I won't eat venison because that's Bambi and I won't eat goose because that's like Mother Goose. And you know what? I like fables. So therefore I will not eat Mama Goose. Unless it's the three little pigs because I mean like, you know, the big bad wolf didn't blow down

the walls of bacon you know it's just the pigs it's different it's different listen listen goose was a wonderful fighter pilot for our country and i will not all right i will not eat him he already got screwed over by dying halfway through that movie. I will not screw Goose over. That's it. I said it. I'm doing it for my family. And it's very important to my family. So that's it.

I said it. It's important. It's important. Martha Stewart-esque. Oh, yeah. That's the part where she drops the dog. She's like, I'm very Martha Stewart-esque. And she, like, screws the pooch.

I'm like yeah pretty much can we talk a second about caroline fleming's dinner table something very weird was going on you know what i forgot to talk about um last call i'm just kidding i was trying a tuesday morning that's what i'm trying to think of i forgot our tuesday ad. Have you ever been to the store Tuesday morning? It's the one that Lauren Bacall used to do ads for back in the day. Go to Tuesday morning. Make sure it's a Tuesday.

Thanks, Lauren Bacall. Anyway. What are you talking about? This is why I brought it up, everybody. I'm not on drugs. Heavy one. I'm not on heavy drugs. I'm bringing that up because this looked like a Tuesday morning commercial, and anyone with a Tuesday morning in their town knows what I'm not on drugs. Heavy one. I'm not on heavy drugs. I'm bringing that up because this looks like a Tuesday morning commercial. And anyone with a Tuesday morning in their town knows what I'm talking about. It's a closeout store.

And that was all Tuesday morning. It was like a whole table. It's like when you go to Dillard's or whatever and you're looking for what to buy. And the dining room table has every dining room thing ever. It's like five runners. Yeah. Well, this table was strange because it's a big dining room table and in the middle of it there were these two poles and then a glass shelf of things it was

like a shelf that you could put all the centerpieces but the centerpieces were elevated so you could see under it and then another shelf above that for more stuff so what happened is you have a table that has this giant structure right in the middle and while they can see each other through it it's so bizarre it looked like people were eating on two sides two sides of a wall and i would be making i would be making juliet so upset if she heard this but that would be like me going to a rich person's home and actually feeling at home because my mom is a caterer and a chef and she is obsessed with that stuff you know like a party how to make a nice party and how to plan a table and all of that

stuff and she has the she's always got these gigantic centerpieces the dining room table she's like we're just gonna gather and have dinner as a family and we're not gonna have a tv and we're gonna have 10 people over and we're going to converse. And then people are looking behind these wrought iron tree things with fake diamonds dripping off of them. It's like, uh. Well, it's one thing to have centerpieces. You can't even pass the food, mother. It's one thing to have centerpieces. But it's another to have this crazy structure.

It wasn't even, I mean, it wasn't a problem. They were able to see each other. But I thought, what a very strange design feature. I am questioning caroline fleming's taste in certain aspects between that bench and that table people love big shit on the table when they're throwing a party i don't know what it is i was like mom why are you making this like into the woods i can't fucking see anybody like didn't lauren conrad and her rival intern get into trouble once because they put on too many centerpieces at a teen vogue dinner party

am i crazy am i crazy you know anyway i have to say i have a little bit of self-respect right now i don't know that answer i just seem to remember from season one lauren conrad had a rival intern and the rival intern was always doing everything correct and she wanted to put all these center pieces on the table and lauren was, I don't know if we should. And she's like, no, trust me. And then Lisa Love came in and was like, why are there so many centerpieces? And Lauren had to be like, well, sorry.

And like, Lauren, why did you do this? Lauren's like, I learned to never listen to anyone's advice about centerpieces. So during this dinner, we learned a few things. We learned that Caroline Fleming has an Eddie Murphy laugh. Which I can't even do. Yeah. It's like a seal.

But what I also loved was, I mean, Caroline Fleming, she is really fake too. Which I love because she was sitting next to Juliet. And she was talking to her about marissa and she's like oh you know she loves you so much i'm like what what are you talking about caroline fleming and you never even met her she's like you know i don't know who marissa is but i just know she loves you so much you guys have to work this out i don't know a lot about this woman but i've been getting evite her for years. And I can tell you this much. She's always commenting on your invites and you're always commenting on hers.

And where I come from, that's called tacky because no one uses the Internet to send invitations. But in my heart, I think it's beautiful because I'm one of the people. Freedom. Oh, darling, she loves you so much. Just give her a shot, won't you? Darling, you know, you're both just American simpletons. There's no need to fight. Just be friends together. You can't fix stupid, darling.

Just embrace that you've found another one. Hug and become one. Darling, neither of you will be truly ever welcomed into our circle, so why fight? Just be your own circle together. Darling, she loves you so much it's home it's so much more difficult to ignore you when you're two blobs of nothing but if you're one it'll just be so much easier to walk away darling please make up with her she needs you you know we just can't keep having all these different events with americans we need you both to be in the same room so please make up with her please so then um uh oh there are these two guys that were there and apparently one of them liked

caroline which was hilarious because i thought there were two gay guys and even julie thought that too she's like well isn't he gay like no and she said well he arrived with you i mean i mean straight guys like put on tuxeses with velvet on the collar and then arrive with other gay guys. You guys, that's crazy. I mean, the world is changing so fast. When I had kids, I mean, you could tell a gay person right away, no, I mean, they all look the same.

They all look just like the straight guy. This is just nuts. Do you need a place to stay for your gay wedding? Because I have a great rental with a cafe out in the front. You will love it. It's called Mapperton, and we have a continental breakfast with a cafe out you will love it it's called mapperton and we have a continental breakfast i think you would really love it i make the hot cocoa but be warned it doesn't always turn out right oh my god i'm crazy i'm a lady i love your gay slang when you keep saying hey lady i just think oh my god stop calling me lady i'm a mother

you know i'm just a mother just a regular person just like you you. So then it's dessert, and it's a dessert with orange and fruit. And Caroline, much like me. I have peeled this orange myself, unlike anyone from my family. It's a Scandinavian orange. It was difficult to figure out at first, but, you know, biting my nails tasted much better for about an hour, darling. What's the difference between a regular orange and a Scandinavian orange? The Scandinavian orange has the slashes and the O's.

And there are two O's. Orange. So, the best part is that Caroline does not eat fruit because she was traumatized by eating too much fruit in boarding school. And Caroline Fleming refuses to hear that. She's like, taste the fruit. Taste the fruit. Taste the fruit. Well, I would be stabbed in the face if I hadn't done it. So I did it. I took a

tiny bite and then I kept it in my mouth so I could make Valentina chew it later and tell me what it was like so I could report back. Valentina, chew. Pauline, swallow. Valentina, chew it later and tell me what it was like so I could report back. Valentina, chew. Pauline, swallow. Valentin, make sure Pauline is swallowed. Chew. Pauline, open your mouth. Open your mouth for Valentina. Valentina, look in the mouth. Valentina, do you see any fruit?

Rainier, tell me what Valentina says. Oi, mum. She sees no fruit. Very good. Should I fire her, mum? Don't cry. Oi, mum. She sees no fruit. Very good. Should I fire her, mum? Don't cry. Do not cry. Mum, it's not enough orange. Mum, I would have eaten your orange.

No, Rainier. The orange is for Valentina. Now, Valentina, you've eaten the orange. Now, eject. Eject. Eject. Valentina, chew the orange. Slowly. Slowly. Pauline, make sure Valentina's eating slowly. Slowly.

Oi, Mom, she's chewing fast, Mom. Pauline, Renia says she's chewing fast. Uh-oh, Mom, I've got bad news. A seed from the orange was backed up inside Valentina. It won't be out before Christmas. That's it. Fire a poor person. Pick one.

I don't care. Mum. Mum. Should I invite my friend Nathan to come eat an orange too? No, Rainier. It's for Valentina and Valentina alone. Polly, make sure Nathan doesn't come. All right, man.

Someone posted on our page, I think Laurie Ann, who we're talking about every week these days, because you guys, the shit you post is so funny. I think it was her. And if it's not, I'm sorry, whoever. I just didn't give credit to you.

But this shit is so funny. They posted Karen from Will and Grace. God, that show was good. It was basically, Karen was basically a ripoff of Ab Fab, just didn't give credit to but this shit is so funny they posted karen from will and grace god that show was good it was basically karen was basically a ripoff of abfab which is really what i'm always doing not lisa vanderpump my favorite show in the world but karen was so funny they show her coming down the stairs and she's like i can see you and all the maids scatter approaching and all the maids run away. Just for her to pass by. So,

so good, and so on point, darling. Yes. So then, uh, they're all eating dessert, and then Caroline's like, alright, everyone, get out. She's like, in about ten, are you enjoying your food now that it's taken an hour and a half for me to cook it? Good. You're leaving in ten minutes.

Julia's like, whoa, whoa. You know, first she doesn't have someone to serve us, and now we have to leave early? It's a weird dinner party. But I'm gonna be nice to her, because she's rich and she knows a lot of famous people. So I really like her. And she's like, do you enjoy the goose?

Yes, I enjoy this goose very much. It's not making me want to kill myself and cry to my family on the phone. Oh, that's wonderful, darling. I love her. We're new friends. She's like, can we Instagram this and tag Melissa? Marissa. Marissa.

Oh, Marissa. How dare you pronounce my name like an American? Okay. So then... So now that this dinner party is over, we then go to the next event, which is Marissa's Christmas carol sing-along party. And Marissa...

Oh, she's so annoying. She's like, the holiday seasons in London is the is the social season like you know you said that last season when it was summertime when she said oh you know what when it's racing season that's the season and you have to go to every party every weekend she said there are certain parties in london that you have to be at and if you're're not, I don't know who you are. I know. Shut up. Don't accuse Juliet of being a social climber when you say insufferable remarks like that.

That is just terrible. If you're not at the parties, if you're not at the important parties, I don't know who you are. Bitch, please be quiet. Yeah. Forever. Please take a seat. Yeah. Please take one of the many seats at the St. Albertbert's whatever it is

was this the part where oh yes this is the annabelle part i'll let you get there yeah you know i keep jumping it no no because so what happens is people start showing up at this suite for this thing and annabelle arrives and marissa's all perky and then annabelle just basically cuts her down in the interview she's like well you well, you know, I guess I would call, I guess I would describe Marissa as upper aspirational middle class. This cloudiness, this happy like a cloud. I was like, who's happy like a cloud anyway? But she's like, this happiness, this cloudy, this fun, fun.

Oh, let's be wonderful and happy together this you know it's like middle class aspirational aspiration it wasn't just that she said oh she's aspirational aspirational middle class so so good which was actually kind of wonderful on the heels of marissa being like if you're not at this party, then I don't know who you are. Yeah. It's like the nicest way of saying trying too hard she could muster. Yeah.

And also correct. Yeah. And so I love how everyone shows up with their whole family and... Oh my God, we're in my box. You guys, look over there. You can see where Princess Diana sat. Oh my God.

Tell your friends. Tell your friends. To me, I don't know. Maybe if I was... Was I crazy? But I don't know Maybe if I was crazy But I don't think I saw Caroline bring her kids I was like, wow, she really hates her kids She won't even bring her kids to a kids event Valentina

Sing to the children Sing Christmas carols to the children While I go to the Christmas carol event I'd like to thank you for inviting my wonderful assistants To this concert They are in the trunk with the children and cannot attend. Pauline, get on tambourine. Valentina, sing.

Silent night, as in children should be seen, not heard. Marissa's like, I love coming to this party because at this party we have Royal Albert, you know. In America, we just have Fat Albert. Like, America doesn't get it well poor juliet wasn't invited so she and her husband had to have dinner in the rain oh her poor husband she's like yeah i wasn't invited i mean whatever i don't care it's just like i mean honey like she was mean i mean he well, you know, here's what I know. A little thing happens.

And then you get really mad about it. And then you guys send each other really mean emails about it. And then the story gets really huge. And then I read about it in the paper. And then I'm embarrassed to go to work. And then I don't come home for six weeks. And then when I come back, suddenly we're having dinner with these people again. And she's like, I love his advice.

Oh, God. He's just like, I listen to him. You know, like when he gives me advice, I'm going to talk to Marissa. And I was like, uh, is that what he just said? I don't even know. I think he was just telling you he's going to be away for six weeks. Yeah. Read it however you need to. Exactly. So then after all this silliness, then we are at, Caroline's at her office and she's getting some bad news from Rainia. Before she even gets the bad news, Caroline,

being the warm-hearted soul that she is, she just goes, fucking hate Christmas. Going to drown myself in my jelly tots. Those dots were hilarious. Sitting there with, what are those? What are those called? They're like jujubes, but they're covered in sugar.

They look like gumdrops, sort of. So funny. You know, the Brits have all sorts of crazy candies. We were never allowed to have this at boarding school. Now I eat them every second of the day. Yeah. I hate fruit, but I like fruit in candy form. What can I say?

I'm a paradox. Yes, yeah, mum. Yes, yeah. I got bad news, mum. Got bad news, mum. The watch. It's not coming till after Christmas, mum. Your husband was trying to order you a jujube tree.

Unfortunately, it won't be grown till they've invented it. She's like, all right, then fire someone on minimum wage Alright, go on then Go on then, just do it, shoo them away Alright, you know what, spray something on Have Valentina spray something onto my window wall So I don't have to look at it telling Bad news, mum They're out of Cadbury downstairs

No more chocles for you for the rest of the day Oh, that's bad Go fire Valentina, then hire her again they're out of Cadbury downstairs. No more Chocol's for you for the rest of the day. Oh, man, that's bad. Go fire Valentina, then hire her again. Valentina, Valentina, I want you to go to every pharmacy in all of London and find as much Cadbury as you can and then throw it in the Thames just for the fun of it. Poor, terrified Valentina.

But it's Christmas Eve, and I don't know if I can get in there. Technically, that terrified Valentina. But, but it's Christmas Eve and I don't, I don't know if I can get in there. I don't know. Technically, that was Pauline. Oh, which one? That was Pauline

who was like, wait a minute, mom, we have, we have a lot of orders and a lot of them want to be overnight next day

and it's just, it's just a lot and we may have missed one or two so it's kind of a, you know, disaster. Yes,

disaster, mom, disaster. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Valentina, go take Pauline down to the stock room and do what you know what you have to do to her. Oh, Mom, I'm so sorry.

Is there any way I can make it up to you? Valentina, get on Pauline now. All right, Mom. I'm going to help Valentina. Renia, no. You stay with me. Oh, Mom, but I want to take Pauline down to the stockroom and do you know what to her. No, I need you here.

No, all right, Mom. Anything for you, Mom. Bad news, Mom. The store we ordered the crocodile milk to strangle Pauline with can't deliver until next year. All right, that's it. Just find someone without any shoes or food and then fire them. I don't even care, Tony. Just go down on the street, find someone who looks poor and just tell them they're fired. Take a picture of it and

come show it to me, Tony. I'll make Valentina look at it. Bad news, man. I figured out who's been eating all your jelly tots. And her name rhymes with a schmoline. Alright then. I think we all know what to do. Valentina, get in here. We need you to do something

for us. Take Pauline down to the stockroom and tell her the true value of a jelly tot. I love that woman. Oh my god. Okay, so we're like an hour and a half into this podcast, so we need to choppity choppity okay? Ronnie, you look like

you might cry, okay? Go away. I just might. I might. I might miss. Get out. I will not look at your face while you leak. Get out.

Don't be a regular Pauline in front of me, all right? Cry on your own time. All right, ma'am. No more crying in front of men. Don't be a Pauline forced to take the stairs, darling. There's water coming out of every pore on you. Get out of here. I don't want to look at you.

All right, Mum. Feelings. Disgusting. Pauline, Pauline, get over to the river and fling yourself into it if you're going to cry all day. All right, Mum, I'll make sure she does it. if you're going to cry all day. All right, Mom, I'll make sure she does it. Oh, poor, poor Juliet.

We'll have to drive home over her poor person bridge and possibly have the sight of another poor person flung into it, just floating along. All floating and poor. Poor Juliet. I'm going to throw her a party on the same day as someone else's party is. Speaking of Juliet, so Juliet and Marissa decide to hash it out gonna throw her a party on the same day as someone else's speaking speaking of juliette so juliette

and marissa decided to hash it out uh at some place called like retribution and sons or something like that and um retribution and sons so so basically it's unlike 10 of the year yeah marissa's like wow pumpkin i have a place called pumpkin so marissa they're trying to hash it out let's speed it up i'm gonna babble about nothing i know i'm trying i'm trying to i know i know you're trying to i'm trying to get to the end of the episode but i have shannon bedore's face in a sombrero staring back at me from our watch what crap happens page and i don't know so okay i'll get through this scene i'll just go through this scene really quickly basically julia i mean uh marissa was saying like, well, you know, I made you a Thanksgiving

thing and a birthday and then you do something else. I did it for you. I did that for you. I did it all for your birthday. You asked me to have a birthday party for you. And I was like, okay, I'll get you a cake at my Thanksgiving party. And then you acted like I did nothing for you. So then Marissa, she just changes it.

So that makes me a terrible person? No, that's Julia. That makes me a terrible person? Julia. So that makes changes it to, so that makes me a terrible person? No, that's Julia. That makes me a terrible person? Julia, so that makes me a terrible person? That makes me a terrible person? Which is not what Marissa was saying. Marissa was saying, listen, I did something for you and you kind of disregarded it. Oh, well, great. Well, when the waiter comes back, I'll order a bag

of horrible person Fritos and I'll just snack on those, okay? Because that's what awful people do. Yeah. So, I mean, truth be told, from Juliet's point of view, it was like, well, you volunteered something without really me saying, can you do this? Whatever. That was last week's controversy. So, at the,

basically, where they came to, was Marissa saying, look, I feel like I put in a lot of energy into our friendship, and it's not really fulfilling me much anymore. And Juliet's like, yeah. So, then my favorite part was when they they came to realize well our friendship has changed julia goes well it's good that we cleared the air whether it's bff or just f and marissa's like f yep julia's like oh that was so awkward because juliet kept trying to fight and marissa was just breaking up with her she walked into the restaurant marissa's just like texting pretending she didn't see her walk in

it's like oh i didn't see you uh-huh and then she turns around julia looks like she's gonna go in a corner and start sobbing you know and marissa's just back on her texting in her terrible like felt hat that doesn't match her jack her coat mean, shut up, Marissa. You're such a disaster. You're acting like such a snob. You're not matching. So just stop. You can't even match. Stop it. It's going to be great because the best reality seasons usually stem from a friendship

going awry. And not from a fight. Not like a quad of Mariah, a quad of Lisa Nicole. Gigantic fight which feels fabricated and then you know then the whole rest of the season they hate each other it's usually that there is a rift in the friendship and things are awkward and over the course of the season things escalate so fingers crossed well yeah classic housewives trouble is not anything real it's like one hurt feeling

that but it's also relatable it's also relatable because It's also relatable because, you know, when you when friendships do change, when you have like someone that you're close to, and then you kind of go through a friendship breakup or someone pulls away or you drift, it really is this gray area of emotions. Because unlike a relationship where you can say, you know what, it's not working out, I'm leaving you where it's kind of like, oh, it's over with a friendship. You don't really say that. It almost feels strange to say our friendship is over or whatever. It's like, it's too formalized. So you just go through this weird time where you were both, you're on the one hand, you're trying to resurrect it. You feel like if I just put some time in, we can get back to where we were. But then you have all sorts of resentments too. Cause you're like, well, they've moved on without me or they do this or this that you know it's a whole weird space and i think a lot of us have

gone through that which is why when we see that on the housewives or any reality show i think it always leads to really compelling seasons oh you're so nice about it i think it's just so fun to watch delusional uncommunicative bitches like lose their minds over nothing i think it's so funny like juliet because it's not even they're both social climbing idiots all they care about is the social status of who they're hanging out with at the time so to be losing that's an act of war when you say like i'm not your friend or we've changed status that's you know for them that's like an actual act of war and juliet's the typical one who causes all the shit and goes

oh well i'm just a horrible person now oh so everybody hates me oh that's great it's all my fault and then she's all victim me about it and then slowly loses it and then meanwhile julie is like yeah i mean let's face it they're just like they have a competition and i think juliet's really upset and she's jealous because marissa came to this country and she knows everybody i mean she's at all the parties i mean she's made it i was like oh my god listen lady not getting stuck in a fucking public space working as an apartment manager doesn't mean that you can't still, you know, do anything in life. Leave your house. Leave your house.

I know. Poor girl. So anyway. That's not making it, darling. All right. It's like she's made it. She doesn't have to burn any chocolate milk. She doesn't have to make mac and cheese.

What does she do? She's made it. That's it. I'm going to go to party class, and I'm going to learn how to pose, and I'm going to wear dresses that don't fit me, and I'm invited to all the best parties in town, and then you'll all see. Then you'll all see. I'm going to learn how to pose and I'm going to wear dresses that don't fit me and so I'm invited to all the best parties in town and then you'll all see, then you'll all see. Hi, Coco.

So let's go from upstairs to downstairs, which means... Oh, how British have you been? Let's go from ladies in London to below deck. Or we can just rip it off and talk about Downton Abbey. Just kidding. Let's... Wait, can we pause so I can get some water?

Oh, sure. All right. Let's, wait, can we pause so I can get some water? Oh, sure. All right. I can probably pee as well. So we'll be back in five seconds, which to us is going to be a million years. All right, we're back. Peed and wadded. Wadded and peed.

I'm drinking my water because what happened was I was going through like a post-coffee withdrawal thing where I started to feel like strange. I'm like, I need some water. Oh, no. Great story. Great story. post-coffee withdrawal thing where i started to feel like strange i'm like i need some water oh no great story great story well i want you to talk about that crash for the next 10 seasons alexander all right so low deck below dick yes all right below dick love ya rocky can't take it gonna jump off the boat thank you and well yeah what'd you think so the episode began with uh donnie he quit he's like well you know i can't work with these people you know like you know it's just not the right sort of boat for me like shut up donnie he's so delusional he's like what i'm gonna work for someone who won't let me back dive off a boat

what kind of person would i be if i worked some for someone like that's ridiculous i mean this guy like an engineer and a captain have to be best friends on a boat like you're not the engineer he i mean hold that 30 fucking times i know somebody walking around with secret service like you're not the president stop what are you doing i mean he really did say how am i going to work for a guy when he's going to give me a hard time for doing a backflip into the water I think he just answered your own question you shouldn't be doing a backflip into the water that's why could you imagine like if your caterer and your

caterer jumps into a swimming pool at a at an event that's not what you do this guy's an idiot and also last week I don't think we talked about this but she's like when did you start working out you work out so much. And he's like, yeah, I work out because I got in a motorcycle accident. And ever since then, I've been obsessed with my body and working out.

Like, get a car. Like, what are the muscles going to do? Like, get a fucking car if you learned anything. My God, it's not an L.A. fitness, darling. You need to be in a Suburban, all right? Well, no one really cared that Donnie fit. Get rid of him. Yeah, get him on the tender and

speed his ass out of here i'm done with him i'm not gonna yell at poor people for the rest of the episode darling not fired ones anyway connie was like you suck anyways and i liked emil he's like i don't believe in quitting good for you emil good for you so anyway um so rocky was talking she's boy crazy i may be skipping things my notes were actually very sporadic well not much happened i mean the main thing that happened was they still have the same guest like how long do we have to see this queen like he has two his face is two different colors at this point he's got it looks like he's wearing not a beard but you know in cartoons how they don't give them actual hair beards they just color them in so it's like a different shade than your face it's that what is that i don't know it's like a spray tan beard it's weird stop it it's weird it's weird

but um but the next thing i have written down here and we may go out of order here because again i was um i was not being diligent see what happens is if i sit and watch my laptop i write a note about every single thing that happens which is why we spoke about ladies of london for five hours but if i sit and i just have my phone and i just jot little notes then i have like nothing oh yeah well then why don't i just uh i'll just read notes and then when something sounds fun we'll just stop and talk about it you go through the notes and then when it coincides with mine. But I think mine actually is pretty much next to that. Rocky talked about how much she likes Emil.

Yeah, no. So we're swimming. So Dawn's gone. I'm deleting Dawn, all right? And it feels amazing. I feel like I'm getting rid of a really bad co-cabin. Be the Captain Lee of this part of the podcast. You steer the ship.

On his way out, he's trying to get sympathy from all people, Kate, because she's his friend, but he's trying to talk to Kate. And he's like, yep. Well, you know, I said I quit. And she's like, well, you know, sometimes it's better to know that you've just lost and to go home. What are you going to sit on the baseball field all day? No, that would be sad. Pathetic. Bye. Bye now. This was the closest that Kate ever came to being warm and fuzzy.

She's like, well, you know, I think it's good that you found out now that this is not the boat for you and you can go off and sail and find something else to do with your miserable life. Okay, bye. And Amy's like, what? Don't quit. Oh, Don. I feel like every time there's a cute

man around me, he runs away. I didn't even get a chance to have a crush on him and have someone else give him a blowjob. Yeah. It's not because I changed my bangs this morning, is it? Because I didn't know if it was going to work. Does it work? Do you like it? I don't know.

I mean, I don't care. I'm my own woman. What do you think? I decided to put a conk in my hair this time. I think it's a nice accessory. What do you think, Donnie? a conch in my hair this time i think it's a nice accessory what do you think donnie oh he already left i found the conch in the sink and you know i mean in the bahamian culture you just do not leave a conch in the sink it's not what you need so i'm wearing it i decided i need a brooch so i put a big conch shell right on my chest hey Donnie what do you think about the Donnie

he leaves on that boat going to shore I really wanted to shoot Donnie my conch oh damn it here I am conchless and alone just like always I'll tell you what you know couldn't learn a lesson worse if I just skipped school

Amy so Amy's adorably sad love her in a lesson worse if I just skip school. Amy. So, Amy's adorably sad. Love her. Kate's wise to know when you blah, blah, blah, blah. He's gone. Delete him. Delete him. Valentina! Delete! Alright. And then Rocky's like,

oh, well, there's one less penis! Jesus, Rocky. And this is when Rocky starts talking about the guys that she likes right to connie okay of all people so she's taught so it's like one desperate for dick girl talking to um a semi-subtler yeah desperate for dick girl talking about how there's less one dick and she's like yeah but i mean i don't know like i mean he's really at. I mean, Emil, like, he's had so many chances. He just doesn't know how to book the

gig. You know what I mean? It's like he's auditioning and he's dancing. And I'm like, spirit fingers, spirit fingers. But he just won't sink his 16 bars. You know what I mean? Yeah, she's

like, what I liked is that she says that she likes a meal she's like i really like a meal because he's nice i'm like no you like a meal because he's hot nice just be shallow like the captain is nice okay you ain't fucking him you fucking the hot guy with skin exfoliation okay don't front but then she's like but you know the thing with him is that he's young and immature like uh i believe this is a pot calling the kettle black situation as she does jazz hands on the bow of the ship as she wears an annie wig in her confessional it's a hard knock yacht this life it's a hard knock yacht there's always uh a musical that these shows remind me of

and this one it's just annie with her It's just that child acting, you know? It's like, okay, Pepper, we get it. You're strong. Like, did you literally just walk on with a sledgehammer and hit Annie? Did you, Pepper? I'm so annoyed because I thought that when I came onto this boat, we were going to be reenacting Anything Goes. I could just imagine the director from the dinner theater where I grew up doing shows greg taylor hey what are you doing up there pepper it's not about you pepper you

realize you're doing kristin but he literally uh no one from the dinner theater in el paso is listening right now i'm positive but that's literally him he was so tired all the time that his head he was this like 400 pound guy and his head would just rest on his shoulder like totally sideways like his neck couldn't even hold it up it was like a person sleeping on his own shoulder and he would just sit like that all the time you can't and one of the leads was kristin she was kristin monson she was always the lead in the shows and stuff but he would yell at people all the time and it just reminds me of that and of course that was me i wasn't pepper but like i was a pepper in this story it's not about you pepper okay it's called annie not pepper god i'm glad that your

parents are raising you to know that you're special but you're not here okay get in line the name pepper is inherently funny my art teacher in elementary school is named pepper crowfoot it's not great pepper crowfoot i love pepper i love mrs crowfoot um so uh yeah so anyway i'm supposed to be reading notes to go faster and i'm not okay yeah and shame on you for making me fantasize about kristen from vanderpump rules running a dinner theater because that is just too funny of an image for me to ignore yeah well i'm not going back to that table i don't care places please places curtain in five it smells like uh salmon's been eaten i smell salmon burps that means it's five minutes, people.

I would like to welcome everyone to the York, Pennsylvania Community Theater production of Into the Woods. A dinner theater. The only place that Pepper can be the most popular person in Annie. People ask for her all night. Can I have some pepper? Please welcome to the Victorville Community Theater Dinner Theater Workshop, Pepper. Tonight's performance of Oklahoma will not be featuring Pepper, unfortunately. Welcome to a land called Oklahoma. A land of corn and big things. And Tom's probably had sex with people from Instagram there. Please support the theater.

Fire exits. Bye. I would like to introduce the Grand Rapids Dinner Theater production of... Oh, my God. I'm not recording. Oh, yes, I am. Yes, I am. I'm sorry. The Grand Rapids... rapids oh my god grand rapids production of cats cats that is a local one that people don't do enough i know oh my god el paso productions were the best because every all every single one of us was overweight

and it was just i would just love to see us all writhing around in really bad leotards that were like on the dollar rack at the Walmart. Like, Jellicle cats are Jellicle cats. Oh, I'm not. That's not clean. That's not even how cats move. This is stupid. I don't even want my name on this. Take it off.

I'd like to welcome everyone to the Carson City, Nevada Community Theater Production of Brigadoon. It's a musical about a town that only appears every 12 years. I mean, seriously? Seriously, Brigadoon? Who does that? What town disappears for 12 years?

Brigadoon is sort of my thing. So, I have to make me a Brigadoon. And I'm starting it. I can't believe this town would disappear on the sort of my thing. So, Auntie made me a Brigadoon. And I'm starring in it. I can't believe this town would disappear on the week of my wedding. Like, where am I supposed to have my bachelorette now? Where's the town? I'm giving you the worst Yelp review.

The whole town is gone. You're the worst party planner ever. I literally booked a hotel room in Brigadoon and now the entire town is gone. Like, what am I supposed to do now? Who doesn't get a Facebook invite? Where is this town? Everyone's not here. You're the worst party planner of all time. I literally took my halter top wedding dress to Brigadoon to have it altered, and now the entire town is gone. Like, what am I supposed to do now?

Oh. Okay, we are off topic. Below dick. Alright, so... We're doing Vanderpump Rules Brigadoon production. Okay, we are off topic. Rocky's desperate for a man, whatever. Blah, blah, blah. Diving contest. And then poor Connie, because she has to sit

there and listen to rocky talk about how she she goes through literally a list of like every man that's ever stepped foot on the boat and how they feel about her and how much they want to have sex with her and which one she should choose she's like he just can't decide it's like make up your mind emil like i think that walking away you know she's like don't strike out emil i'm like he's literally walking towards the ballpark exit okay the the game has been played he's leaving like he's gone that's your that's your uh sign yeah so so yeah swimming contest or something diving so the diving contest you know dean slover uh wants the the crew to jump off the side of the boat in costumes,

and whoever wins gets $500. And I love Kate. I mean, I love everything Kate does. Between Kate and Caroline Stansbury and Annabelle, I mean, these two shows really have us covered on the bitch front in the best possible way, in the best meaning of that word. And Kate, her costume is that she gets into into a full-on submarine outfit. She's like, I'll do what you want, but I'm not going to mess up my hair.

Wasn't she something phallic? No, she just got into this orange underwater deep-sea diving. It looked like she was going to explore a mile under the ocean to find those electro electronic light up fish um real dumb yeah this whole diving contest for dean i was like what is this big brother what is this like a competition i can't with this come on show make a fucking effort okay eddie eddie dressed up now eddie dressed up as like a stereotypical mexican in terms of he put on a poncho and a sombrero and a mustache. And then they played Bravo played his music. I was like, I think this might be offensive.

I know. And Dean's like, you're fabulous, Alfredo. You've got my boat. Heather and OC is like, oh, look, there's Alfredo. I was just on alfredo's facebook he's diving off a boat that guy can really do anything so one of our listeners one of our listeners curtis curtis is hilarious love you curtis curtis is like listen guys i know you guys don't like heather but you i mean she had a totally benign

interaction with alfredo and you made her seem like the devil and you're right we did but to be honest it wasn't really to make her seem like the devil it was just like a funny it's like a funny character observation yeah i can't apologize for anything regarding heather i just and you know what it's not even like i hate like she's a horrible person yeah it's a it's just funny just a stereotype of the rich entitled white lady look i've been a waiter my whole fucking adult life okay and people like that i just know them so well those people who are like oh yeah i know ronnie because they're like hi how are you waiter oh my god tell me wait before you take my order how are you what are you thinking i don't even think that heather was being well obviously i think it was just a line it's just that it's

just that attitude i don't i don't i don't know that's sometimes it's funny to graft an idea onto a character and just run with it because we did it with all the women it wasn't just heather but anyway um but yeah you're right love you kurtz so then they have the diving thing and then there's going to be an award ceremony that night uh okay did i skip stuff no no i really don't care like this diving thing i refuse i won't talk well the thing that was funny about the award ceremony is that they uh they needed a meal to dress up like a greek god and once again kid's like yeah he'd be a great Greek god, you know, because he has a great body, chiseled features, and a brain made of stone.

So good. And she's so shady. I mentioned this last week, but she's saying, well, a Greek party is actually perfect for Don. What's his name? The gay guy. Dean. It's perfect for Dean becauseks like sheets and grapes i'm like you know that that is

a party about dick sucking just say it it's like the greeks were the first people who were sleeping with young boys and calling it recreation so toga party it is yeah uh yeah the the toga party is fun it's just a diving contest i was like no so the toga party is fun. It's just a diving contest. I was like, no. So the toga party, the most interesting thing to me was Emil kind of getting so insecure because they wanted to use him as a piece of meat. And he's like, oh, we'll do it, but only for their job. I'm like, shut up. So he gets in his toga, and I guess he has love handles, so he's paranoid. Listen, my favorite thing in the world is an insecure gorgeous person yeah especially a man a man that's perfect and gorgeous but it's like i'm fat oh my god i got

it's great i got like a mental boner just watching that like just i i just want to save that scene of him feeling fat and then using the toga to cover up his love handles and then standing there awkwardly in his hands. Dying. I know. So cute. He was really covered up. It was. And, you know, you could tell he has insecurities.

Because later, like, the next thing that happened was, you know, after Dean and them, they all, they got off the ship. There was an issue with the tow line. There was drama. Dun, dun, dun. Maybe you should have let Dawn tie it to the side of the boat. Yeah, with a sticker. And then they left and they got a big tip. I've got bad news, miss.

Miss? The tow line. The tow line. The tow line. I should have been there. I should have been there. Ah, the tow line. Ah, guess what?

Call the tow line up to my office. Not following the rules. Tow line, I'm going to have a work with it. Here's how it works on the boats, kid. Yeah, so then Captain Lee's like, all right, everyone. the rules tow line i'm gonna have a work with here's how it works on the boats kid yeah so so then um captain lee's like all right everyone uh everyone's staying on the ship tonight i don't know we gotta turn over the we gotta turn over the yacht so then but then emile decides he wants to ask rocky out on a date so he goes up to captain lee but i love how i said you're gonna

steer this recap and here i am steering it you're I mean, look where I steer us into every time a ditch of crazy. Like, what are you going to do? We're going to be here for 30 hours. So Emil goes up to Captain Lee to ask for permission to take Rocky out for dinner. And actually, Emil, it was actually so sweet. Emil was like, so can I take Rocky out for dinner? Can I take? So can I?

Can I? And Lee is like, oh, you want to take her out? And he's like, can I? May I? So can I? Can I? And Lee is like, oh, you want to take her out, huh? And she's like, he's like, can I? May I? So can I? May I? And he had this big smile on his face, and Captain Lee said yes. Captain Lee's been very, he's been very nice to this crew.

Like, if they ask for something, he's like, well, I guess. Because they ask. That's all you need is respect, you know? Exactly. So a meal. Chain of command. So a meal and rock, Because they ask. That's all you need is respect. Exactly. Chain of command. So Emil and Rock, you're going to go out on a date. And so they get dressed up. Emil looks super cute. Really, really cute.

They go out. That guy was in an unironed badly patterned shirt with a sweater tied around his neck. Come on, Ben. It was cute. What if I get cold day on the date? You never know. It was cute. He's like, what if I get cold day on the day? You never know. He was nervous. He was nervous.

What wouldn't you be? You had to be alone with Rocky? Jesus Christ. I mean, I don't know why he did it. They should require body cams for all people who go on dates with Rocky. Yeah. Well, even though Emil made that stupid comment, Emil's like, well well i didn't go on dates because dates are for old people like so he's like these days you can give a std to a girl for free why

buy a dinner first this is a free entrance now enjoy your your HPV, darling. That's right. So they go out to dinner on, I don't know, some restaurant. Probably go to the Purple Kong. They look so uncomfortable even holding a menu. When you're a waiter and you go, or when you're in service and you go to be waited on, it's so uncomfortable. Either waiters are like, oh, can I pour my own water? Or they're like, fuck you. You did everything wrong.

I would have had water on the table by now. Where's the those people got apps before it's one or the other and those two are like oh uh stike oh fish well emil had no emil had no idea what he was doing he truly has never been on a date before because first of all rocky was calling the shots and and she wanted emil to be the man rocky's like well i guess we'll have some wine and do you want a whiskey you want a whiskey okay we'll get a whiskey we'll have a whiskey but emil's like oh i guess i guess i guess it's all right and everything and he could barely make eye contact he was looking down at his menu he was practically shaking like whatever brand whiskey you have that makes my penis actually think it wants to be here thank you that'd be. Whatever it's called.

I don't care. Grey martini, goose, sky, whatever. Bring it. And then, you know, later on, he's getting really drunk. And then Rocky, I mean, she's throwing, she's giving him all the, she's setting him up. She's doing all the assists. She's leaning in for a kiss. Oh, but she's so awkward. She leans in for a kiss with her lips puckered in that tight way like when you have

to kiss your sister on a dare it's like a gross way and then squints her eyes and he's wasted he's like what's she doing you know she's trying to eat the steak right out of my mouth and then he finally grabs her head to be romantic. He's like, Oh no. To be somewhere along the way, the, the, the sort of the, the thirsty, not thirsty,

but the pathetic, the sad elements of it shifted away from Rocky because it became, it went from Rocky being desperate to Rocky being like, Oh my God, this guy does not know what he's got to do. Like maybe I'll help him out. They felt like she was doing, it felt like a pity pucker. You know?

Like, oh, he's not doing it. And it wasn't because he didn't want to. It was because he didn't know what he should be doing. Yeah, he was terrified. That was so cute. And when he finally goes in for the kiss, he does the cheek. And he does the other cheek. And then it looks like he's going for the real kiss.

He goes for the forehead. Like, Emil, what are you doing? i don't blame him i'm sorry like that girl that girl it's like making out with an entire terrible ensemble well no no no oh i agree about that it's more like i i wouldn't have blamed him if this was all on the yacht you know but he asked her out on a date so at that point under duress though i mean he was cute and asking her for the date and she didn't make him but it was you know even when he asked her she's like girls he asked me on a date i was visualized i knew it was gonna happen and finally he did it because i knew it was gonna happen then it happened yeah my gosh you can't like you can't claim that creative visualization works while you're complaining about your job making beds you can't it's kind of like proving that it doesn't work you can't you can't boast about

creative visualization when bravo is like hey emil we want you to ask ask Rocky on a date. It doesn't work that way. And he's like, but my penis just hit the back of my throat. It's so terrified. They're like, well, you know what? Reality TV involves risks. Did you ever see the fear factor? Did you see the things that they had to swallow? He's like, I'll ride all through it for Dean. He's like, can't I

just have sex with her on the top bunk and that way not really have sex because there's not enough room for both of us, please. But that was before they didn't even get to the bunk because he got so shit-faced and then Rocky's response is just to act wacky and she's like, oh, I'm gonna lay here

on the deck and then you can come after me if you want to. And he's like, goodnight. No, no. He didn't even say you can come after me if you want to to she literally took her dress off and jumped into the ocean you know that's right that's right it's not you know it's a bad date when the person you're with will actually jump into a body of water to get away from you okay that's a bad date and then later she comes up and then she just curls up on the dock and he

tries to sort of potter she's like i think i want some alone time now thank you bye yeah i mean that's the second clearance rack target bathing suit i've wasted on that guy yeah i have i have rules it's bad when rocky's rejecting you i'm sorry uh but meanwhile wasn't rejecting him are you kidding she was like begging him to stay he was like oh i can't she was like oh don't even know what to do then try and figure it out and he's like whatever good night, man. She was like, oh, don't even know what to do then. Try and figure it out. And he's like, whatever, good night. I think she sent him away. I think the vibe was very much like, okay, you got drunk.

You don't have any moves. You may be hot, but this is a terrible day. Yeah, he was not coming on to her. That was the second time he's left her alone in a body of water, dying. Love it. Best thing to happen on the show. But this was by her choice more so um while this was all happening uh alex p heaton aka eddie was on the phone with his girlfriend

with his girlfriend his fake girlfriend in canada like on south park i have a girlfriend she's in canada well we learned before this phone call even happened the night before he had forgotten to call her and he's like oh she's gonna mad. So you already know they have a bad relationship where, like, if you forget to call, like, if you have to call every single night, then that's bad news. That's gonna lead to drama. Okay? That's bad. That's not a good relationship.

That's not healthy. Okay? Okay? Okay. So... Being new you. The funny thing is that I was assuming that their phone call was gonna be that that she was crazy and he was going to be mollifying her. Nope. Well, she may be crazy, but he was an asshole. Wow.

Yeah, I'm sure we're about to disagree on this. I feel it coming. Well, I don't even think that girl was real on the phone. I think that was bullshit. That was like one of those discussions you hear people fake having on their cell phone and they're trying to look all badass and they're like, yeah, and then I told her. That's not even a real person.

They're just trying to look important while they walk down the street. That's what it reminded me of. He's like, Rocky's off the boat, so the only other vagina here interested is Amy, so I'm going to have some fake fight and be a man on the phone. That was just crazy. He's like this is fucking ridiculous and you cheated and you deserve to make it up to me and throwing it i

think it was a real unlike you i i am not a huge conspiracy theorist and yeah you see i knew we because you always have this thing like well i know the person who's actually on the phone was andy co Cohen feeding him lines. It's not that I am a conspiracy theorist. It's that I have zero trust in humanity. That's what it is. I don't believe anybody's a good person or that anybody goes through life without having horrible,

awful thoughts. I'm working on it. I believe he's having a real conversation. The conversation that they were having was awful. She obviously is terrible because they're so codependent that if they don't speak on the phone one night,

it's going to cause a fight. And she's also terrible because she apparently cheated on him, which is bad. But then he's terrible because he speaks so condescendingly to her. He literally says on the phone, he's like, he's like, no, I need you to put in some more extra fucking work because you cheated on me.

And then he's like, if you don't stop talking, I'm going to hang up. Five, four, three, two, one. I was like, oh, you are awful. I don't believe that a girl is going to sit there and listen to that from some little man like Alex B. Keating.

Oh, I believe it 100%. There are dysfunctional relationships out there that are, I mean, this is, oh. Oh, well, I know. I believe most 100%. There are dysfunctional relationships out there that are – I mean this is – oh. Oh, I know. I believe most of them are, but I just – I don't buy it with him. I think he was faking it. Because why didn't we hear that girl? Or – I don't know.

I don't buy it. I think he's lying to try and get into Amy's pants while Rocky's gone. I'm sticking with it. I'm putting it on AlexJones.com, all right? Right next to the 9-11 post. One thing I want to mention before i because i don't think there's anything really left but um when emil and rocky were on their date and they were getting up from the table i love that the cameras caught emil just

staring at rocky's breasts for a good three seconds just staring like a three a three count it was like god we are on such different pages yes he was staring but she was putting her laura ash her terrible laura ashley breasted boobs right in his face like no she's not arguing to me he's like oh what is that flower terrible flower pattern i'm not arguing that i'm not arguing that but i just thought it was funny that he was so drunk that he didn't have, he didn't have the ability to just sort of like look at it fleetingly and sort of like without being like a total,

like slack-jawed saliva, you know, drooling guy like, oh, boss. It was hilarious. The entire thing was hilarious. I think he was just like, I need another drink. Where is he?

Where's my gray markers? Well, either way, not much happened on this episode but i i mean i thoroughly enjoyed it we didn't really we're making it sound that like it was like oh whatever but i really well for me it was a rocky's episode it was a rocky episode so i just i don't like her to me it's just trying i like it all hard i like when they're more real i don't like you know even if they're fake real i get it's bravo but you know i like ladies of london i like because marissa is really like that juliet is really insecure like that caroline's really a bitch i don't believe rocky's any of this shit the only time i've ever believed one thing about her is when she's obsessing over

dick which i guess is every scene which kind of contradicts my own point and when she's obsessing over Dick, which I guess is every scene, which kind of contradicts my own point. And when she's sobbing on the phone with her dad. Dad! I have to try that. I want to leave. I went on a date with a guy. I wore that dress that you got me into your eye.

That guy's just like, I was in the fetal position on the deck and he just wasn't bad like how many babies do i have to buy shut up shut up that's what i say i enjoyed it i enjoy kate being super shady i love how she keeps on being nasty to leon it's all such a bitch he's like oh dessert how un-european european babes are much fancier than yeah i don't do a theme pot you just use frozen cock like you're done to me you're dead to me okay eyebrows i'm not listening to another thing you say and then she's like, well, hello, everybody. The chef has prepared you a delicious pudding with a strawberry compote. I'm like, that is jello gelatin straight out the thing on raspberry smucker's jelly.

You know it is. And Dean's like, oh, fabulous. I haven't eaten like this since my trip. I don't even know where you go around the world because i'm too poor i'm a maid on a boat with this episode is so long we didn't even get to talk about amy training rocky i mean i know i was thinking about that she's like all right what you got to do is you got to fold the fold the linens you got to put the pillow and by the way the stuff she was saying was pretty basic she's like if you see water spots clean them if

you see a stain clean them if you see dust clean it rocky's like whoa i just need to really absorb this whoa whoa this is too much i just need to like i need a minute i just need a minute because she told me about spots on windows and he's like you know okay so when you're done with the toilet look in the mirror and if there's a spot get it off people do not like looking in the mirror and seeing spots do not help the skincare industry rob people okay clean the spot she's like i can't i can't do this too much it's too hard it's too hard it's too much anyway well anyway that i'm out of gasoline you are being I'm out of gasoline. I'm out of fuel. I'm out of fuel. I can no longer podcast. Is that a code word for patience? It is.

And I wouldn't blame you, darling. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for listening to this. We love you. Next week, live Periscope, Tuesday, noon Pacific. And then we will be doing our subscriber hangout, which you can find out on patreon.com slash watch what crap ends thank you to everybody who's supporting

us there and if you want to talk to us during the week and talk to each other about the shows or post your own articles come over to facebook.com slash watch what crap ends we'll be there yes that's it we love you guys love you guys talk to you later bye

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