Watch What Crappens - #2235 RHOSLC Part 1: For Butter or Worse
Episode Date: November 22, 2023Heather teaches the women how to churn butter and wear bonnets on a very pioneering RHOSLC (S04E11). It’s all fun and games until Lisa wants to kick Monica off the covered wagon. ...; This is part one of a two part recap. Stay tuned for part two!Watch with Crappens on Demand here: http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds.
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Prince Harry spent his life living in the shadow of his mother's tragic death. But when
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In our new series, Prince Harry wins her of change. We'll tell you how a Prince without
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Listen to even the rich on the Wendery app or wherever you on my channel.
Hello and welcome to WatcherCrapins.com.
About all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.
I've been Mandelker and joining me is the wonderful and hilarious Ronnie Caramai Ronnie.
How are you?
How are you?
How are you?
Hi. yeah.
We are almost time to go on vacation.
I know.
I'm so excited.
I'm excited.
We're day away.
We're day away from Thanksgiving.
And I have anxiety because I got a big frozen turkey on Sunday and I was like perfect.
This will be ready.
This should be defrosted by Thursday.
But it's hard as a rock and on top of that,
I realized, no, it has to be ready today
because it needs to be brined
and you're not supposed to brine it when it's still frozen
because all the, it's just, ah, it's a disaster.
So I think I have to give that,
I think I have to dunk that turkey into
some sort of warm water bath
or something to move this process along. I'm stressed, I'm already stressed for Thanksgiving. You're lucky because you don't have to give that, I think I have to dunk that turkey into like some sort of like warm water bath or something
I'm gonna move this process along. I'm stressed. I'm already stressed for Thanksgiving.
You're lucky because you don't have to do any of the cooking this year.
No, I'm going to because I'm eating healthy so that means I have to make myself stuff because
it's not gonna happen from restaurant. You know Thanksgiving food is not the healthiest and I'm making an effort.
So I will still cook, but you know what,
fuck it, maybe I won't,
maybe I'm just gonna drink a gallon of fucking mac and cheese.
You know what it's really good?
Yeah, it's good.
You know what I'm gonna say about butterball?
Oh, well, I'm not making a doubt
it will be from the restaurant, but thank you, I love you.
Hey, somebody also wrote us a message,
and I own apology to turkeys and a butterball turkeys specifically, because I was diss. Hey, um, somebody also wrote a message and I own apology to turkeys and a
butterball turkeys specifically because I
was dissing them earlier in the week saying
they're all chemicals, et cetera, et cetera.
No, they're very natural and do not have
things in them. Okay. Oh, sorry,
butterball. I've really disneyed there and
you didn't deserve. What did you
deserve? What did you do to deserve that?
You know what? I think you, like a very lucky turkey,
should be parted, okay, it was a mistake.
Thank you.
But, oh, I'm just gonna chill.
I didn't start talking about Thanksgiving to chill this,
but I'm gonna chill, because I just occurred to me.
I did post a new newsletter or column,
whatever you wanna call it on my sub-sack,
and I wrote about unexpected Thanksgiving dish ideas.
So people want to.
What are a couple examples?
Just for inspiration.
I put, what are some of examples?
You would think I would remember off the top
my head said just wrote about it last night.
You know, there was like a chickpea thing.
I feel like a lot of people,
like I feel like it's not a classic thing
to put like a chickpea dish on your table.
Unless you're creak.
Like a chickpea piece. your table. Unless you're creak.
But you're creak.
Yeah, unless you are creak.
I put down pan sushi dynamite,
which I think would be better as an order of,
I don't think you want that to be mixing
with gravy by accident,
but like I still think it would be like a fun thing
to make for it.
Or what about like Sichuan green beans?
You know, people often do like a green bean casserole, which is fine.
I always find green beans can be kind of like limp and boring, but like what about like
a fry?
That's every other day that I've ever known.
Limpin' Ronnie, I tried him.
He was limpin' boring.
Um, that sounds really good, I mean.
Check out the semifancy.
And be fancy that substack.com. Yeah, it's good. My aunties love it the most. I mean we all love it so sweet, but my aunties are really
Oh my god, Ben has a new substack out.
There's a
BANG!
Blogging is back everyone. Also, we have new merch. Um, name on, namum, namum, namum, namum, namumiamam. Niamam. Niamam.
Niamam.
That's what the merch says.
Go get that at crappensmerch.com.
Also there's plenty of stuff for Christmas.
And Trixi Monaco or look, there it is behind me, that yellow one.
It's there.
It's there.
Yeah.
And this blue one behind me and the Shannon one.
This is all merch or except the patty the poem phone octopus, which was given to us by I believe,
Jess Troch, Trotch, who's amazing as an artist.
But anyway, go check it out.
It's got merch.com everybody.
Nymam.
Nymam.
Nymam.
Nymam.
Nymam.
Okay, so we're able to do a black Friday sale,
by the way, is that something that we're cyber Monday sales?
Is that something that we can do?
Hell no, it's not kidding. Okay, I don't Monday sales? Is that something that we can do? Hell no.
It's not kidding.
I don't know if there was a setting
that we can press a button that doesn't.
If you have to do it manually, no.
There is a button, but it discounted it.
Discounts it to you.
I teach you.
This is a go for Henry.
So Ben can afford to keep his sub stack lights on.
Okay, stop offering sales to my work.
Debbie needs a new pair of AirPods AirPods Pro that come out.
It's just Friday. This is a Canadian.
This is a Canadian podcast now.
Just regular Friday. Regular Friday, okay everybody.
Okay, so I'm a bastard, sorry.
Okay, so let's go on in the figurative way.
So let's go on everybody to Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.
This episode is an episode we've all been waiting for.
I'm sure you all have me and Ben of,
or Ben and I have definitely been waiting for this.
It is Real Housewives of assault like city episode 411.
If I could turn back time, I mean, I've been dying to see what this episode is
going to be. And I have to say, it did not disappoint.
What a great title. I mean, hats off to whoever title that that's just so
amazing. I can't even I can't even express how proud I am of whoever titled that.
You know, I really is a good one. It is a Ben title. I was surprised that you didn't title it.
I'm very, very sad. Now I have to come up with like a, like how do you, I'm not even gonna try to top that pun,
but now it's like it just takes away such a great pun that now I've got to like find another one and I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
Yeah. Bonnet something with bonnets. Turn after reading.
Dog bonnet. Bonnet. Turn after reading. Danny Bonnetucci. Turn after reading, I think, is really
good because there is a severe read in here. So turn after reading. And then they are turning.
After they read. Turn notice. That's good. See, you're so good at this, Steph.
Okay, so let's turn around.
So let's answer the answer.
I'm sure I did not mean it to be,
because it's only because you didn't talk afterwards.
I was like, you're so good at that stuff.
And then it was just dead silence.
Thanks.
No, I was thinking, I was putting my pun hat on.
I'm taking my pun hat off, and it's gonna sit
on the side here, and I will put it back on after this episode. Take your pun hat off. Take your pun hat off. I'll take your pun hat on. I'm taking my pun hat off and it's going to sit on the side here and I will put it back on after this episode. Take a pun hat off.
It's wrong. I'm like, I'm like, I'm Bailey Ray. I'm putting my records on, taking my
pun hat off. What happened to her? You know what? I think I'm
whatever happened to where I'm okay with it. I'm currently by. I don't think she ever did anything else. I really don't like that song.
Yeah, I can't say for sure.
You know, they write me a loop.
There's like the epitome of Starbucks, Starbucks music culture.
Like I couldn't stand that song.
I hate it.
But records came back.
So maybe it was her.
We did it the whole time. Maybe she's now the kids love their vinyl.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
That's where she's a lovely person.
So let's go to, um, no, Karin, Viley, oh, Karin, Bailey, Oprah, okay, you're done.
Take your record off.
Okay.
It's over. Girl put your bonnet on.
Girl put your bonnet on.
Do me the favorite song.
Go on and turn me to the butter.
Okay. I could get behind that now.
By the way, to anybody already annoyed,
it's not going to get better than this. We're about to be off, so we're going to be
because of 30-hour recap, because that's how we go.
We're like, we don't have to do anything after this.
Let's talk about Corinne Bailey Ray.
Who talks about Corinne Bailey Ray anymore?
Not me!
Sorry if you're at home crying,
Corinne, watch, that's going to be the one
celebrity that listens to our show.
And we're just going to crush the person. know she's gonna be like the one thing that keeps me going as I look at my
Faded career is being able to escape and to watch what crap is
She probably is a listen. I'm so sorry. I'm Sandra Bullocks at home like see this is why I never come out of the closet about being
Listener I know she was just about she about- I was just about to message them.
I loved your below-dike episode.
I was just like, no.
The only entertainment I could take
while I was filming Bird Box
because I had a blindfold on me entire time
and they just completely drag me for a while.
I still hold out hope that Jennifer Lawrence listens.
Cause she did say,
I didn't you say somewhere that she has a finster
where she follows all the Bravo celebrities
and she does all that stuff?
I find that whenever I look at famous people
who follow every Bravo celebrity,
they and podcasts and stuff like that,
they never follow,
you know how they follow that C word,
dami, Pellegrino, that all the fucking human being.
Literally nobody in real life likes dami,
Pellegrino, but of course. So crazy. And evil, such a jerk. fucking human being. Literally nobody in real life like Stamie, Feligree now. But of
course, even an evil such a jerk, a guy so literally mean to everybody. Literally just
so nasty, so good. Jake, you feel sweet. Okay, this is an episode about Real Housewives of
Salt Lake City and we're gonna do it. So this,. So this episode, the haas are out of control.
This one is out of control.
This is like, ska ha.
Okay?
Like if ska had ha, and they recorded it.
That's what these haws are doing.
Heather is in a Gucci jump suit, subtle.
You know, I love some housewives' fashion.
It's very subtly Gucci, you know?
The housewives, I love when housewives are like tag inside kind of a people like, don't
keep tagging on the inside.
We don't want to brag.
It's a full on head to toe double Gs.
Come on, bra.
Well, yeah, well, we see what happens when the tag is on the outside.
You just have to watch last week's merit medicine.
Whatever one had a heart attack.
When sweet TX, use yourself and the group of people
and her price tag was hanging out.
Oh, I would love to see Mary Cosby's face
if she saw a price tag on something.
She would literally just like faint.
Mm-hmm.
So they, good to you, jumpsie.
Okay, so she's talking to Ashley.
Ashley is one of those children we all like
because she's a good audience member
and that's literally, I mean,
do we know anything about Ashley?
She's blonde, she seems nice.
That's it.
Otherwise she's getting wasted.
Say it again.
She said UCSB getting wasted, you know?
We don't know that though.
Do we?
All we really know is that she says yes.
She says yes, you're hilarious.
And yes, that's a good idea.
It's made me want to have a child.
Literally, that's all I need you for children.
Laugh and say you go girl.
That's, that's it.
Otherwise, get the fuck out of my house.
You need like a 2003 CGI character in your video game
that like you're skateboarding
and the CGI character pops up and goes,
you go girl.
That's it.
That's all I need.
That's all I need.
Heather's like, oh my gosh, you're calling me.
What are you doing?
What's going on in college?
She's like, oh my god, I need some updates
about your book signing.
Literally nobody needs updates about anybody's book signing.
Okay.
Has any child ever asked that said that of their parent?
Like, okay, granted that a lot of us don't have parents
who are authors, but still, have you ever,
I've never called up my dad and be like,
hey dad, I need an update on how court was the other day.
How was your case?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I know one cares.
And she's like, oh my God, it was really cool.
Lisa even wrote a custom rap to introduce me.
Let's play a clip of it.
So I go right down in the Valley of Death.
Bad Mormons don't lie, don't die, I've talked about breath. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t because I was cool to have like some type of support. You know, I'm really grateful and I wanna throw a bunch in.
Oh my God, I wanna throw a bunch in
that's a spin off of the Mormon thing.
We already celebrated your book.
You don't get a spin off of your last party
that was promoting your book.
By the way, new shirts at crappensmurch.com.
New shirts.
Crappensmurch.com.
I can't wait till they have this party
to celebrate new shirts at crap and it's merch.com.
Hey, what sort of shirts do we have?
Nymam.
Nymam.
Nymam.
Nymam.
So Heather's saying, yeah, it was like a big reset.
Yeah, so she can have this lunch in.
And so Ash is like, well, you have to keep it
on theme for the girls, right, mom.
Am I saying all the lines I'm supposed to say correctly?
And she goes, yes, you're doing great, honey.
And a homemaking theme, but not a homemaking theme.
Because since it's the month of April,
and April 6, 1830, that's the founding of the church.
That's a fact you should memorize, by the way, Ashley.
She's like, okay, mom, I have,
they're waiting for me to do a beer bong. So can like wrap up the scene I thought we could do like pioneer crafts we could
you know do some Mormon handicraft no you broke up with the church stop Heather as a person
to still text X's constantly it's like oh my god don't forget it's my ex husband's birthday
better text him no you left him leave his leave his stale ass in the hot tub
in his backyard where he belongs, okay?
Yeah.
I feel like Heather has had an easy job
stepping away from the Mormon church
but having a hard time stepping away from Mormon culture.
And I think this is what she's grappling with.
So she basically wants to thank everyone
by celebrating the fun kitchy aspects of their culture.
And she goes,
what Lisa would call the embarrassing aspects
of growing up Mormon.
Everyone will wear a belaro jacket.
Nothing makes Lisa happier than forcing her
to participate in traditional Mormonism.
So she's like, oh my God, don't you want to see Lisa
Barlow and Pai and your bonnet?
I do.
So I take back everything I just said only temporarily
so that we could see Lisa Barlow in a fucking bonnet.
Thank you.
Basically Heather saw a sale two for one on Bonnet's
naparins and she was like, buy first, ask questions later.
Okay, I got all this stuff.
Got to figure out how to make a scene out of it.
So then we go to Monica.
Yeah, Monica is at home and her daughter
Bree is sitting on the sofa.
So I was like, oh, you saw my blanket, I see.
And Bree is like, you didn't pay the bills.
Yeah.
Great wine.
So, she's like, sorry, I had to repossess it.
So, mom, weren't you prom queen, you're seeing your year, you should talk about it on television.
Monica's like, oh my god, yeah, I won this prom queen.
Oh my God, I'm gonna show you the pictures.
Mine's time to shine.
Let me get the pictures.
So she brings out photos and albums
and has to explain to her child that once upon a time
there were cameras, they were not just in the phone.
And you had to buy film and actually develop it.
Yeah, and so then we see photos of Monica,
Senior Prom in 2002, which made me feel old,
that like a real housewife had a prom
after I graduated from college.
So then Monica's like, oh my God,
here I am getting like crowned little Miss Car Wash 2002.
And of course, the one has my crown, of course.
And then we see a photo of 1984.
Did you see Miss Car Wash 2002?
No, I made that up.
Oh, that's funny.
Because she is getting sued by a car wash, right?
Or was it?
That's why she's by a car wash, a little.
That's me.
Yeah, she is the first housewife in car wash litigation
at the moment.
Yeah.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
I like it.
I feel like the judge is like, you may approach the bench in the car wash.
It's more like you're just sort of like
swishing back and forth up to it.
It's a funny visual.
So I love that Vova kept her crown.
She's like, of course she did.
And she's showing her pictures and taught.
And she's like, oh my God, look at me pulling mommy's hair.
If Vova's hair, I knew who she was out of the womb.
So she shows her pictures to a trip they took as a family to Bermuda because that's where
Nana was born. And she's like, oh my God, I can, God, I wish we had a video because this
was Nana. So you're flipping off the camera here. This was her saying, fuck you, we don't
speak like this in my country. So that was fine. Oh yeah. Oh, here's a picture of Nana and she was saying she just saw
a movie starring a woman who lived in Bermuda who never reconciled with her mother.
Oh, and here she is just talking to a palm tree. So then she tells her when my dad left,
when I was four, my mom like destroyed everything.
So I don't even know what my dad looks like.
She threw all the pictures away,
and so it was important for me that you never feel that.
So here's all the pictures of me when I was pregnant with you,
and also your biological father.
And then she starts crying, and she shows her the pictures of her dad and stuff.
And then I started to brace, because she goes, father and then she starts crying and she shows her the pictures of her dad and stuff.
And then I started to brace because she goes, I got married very young.
So I was like, oh gosh, what bomb is going to be dropped now?
But actually, it's not that it's more of a tragic story.
And basically, she got married very young.
And then one day she saw a tree crawling on the floor and was like playing with like a bag full of oxy cotton. And so she had to.
Oh, and so you immediately blamed the husband.
I mean, listen, if I found my baby on the floor with oxy, I would have said,
A, did you take money out of my purse?
Okay.
What the fuck?
Since when can you afford oxy cotton?
B, what is the name of your dealer?
Because maybe they sell more than just oxy cotton.
And C, you should not do oxy cotton.
Do they have mushrooms? Okay, here's what organic drugs are. And then you start educating your baby.
Okay, don't have to parent everybody's child on this channel for fuck's sake.
It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap and it's coming.
Today, hip-hop dominates pop culture, but it wasn't always like that.
And to tell the story of how that changed, I want to take you back to a very special year
in rap.
88, it was too much good music.
The world was on fire.
I'm Will Smith.
This is Class of 88, my new podcast about the moments, albums, and artists that
inspired a sonic revolution. And Secured 1988 as one of hip-hop's most important years,
we'll talk to the people who were there. And most of all, we'll bring you some amazing stories.
You know what my biggest memory from that tour is it was your birthday. Yes, and you brought me to
shout it out. This is Class of 88, the story of a year that changed hip hop. Listen to
Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the entire series right now on the Amazon Music app or audible. I shall.
So Monica then starts saying how she started dating Mike when Bri was once. That was always her dad. And also, by the way,
Bri's seen these photos before. So she's just trotting this out.
Just have a scene and just to talk to her about her mom some more.
And so Bri is aware that Mike adopted her and she's like,
No, and I was told during therapy,
like the number one thing that therapist told me
was it always be honest.
Oh, okay.
How's that going for you?
I love Monica on the show.
I think that if I had to vote early for a best
new casting of the year, I'm gonna pick Monica.
Oh, that's a hands down.
I agree.
I don't know if anyone can top Monica.
I think that the people who could give her a shot, I'm assuming maybe Jussle will be
in the mix.
Who else was new this season?
Jussle might win it, actually.
Just a little, I mean, just a real breakout.
Just as a star.
Yeah, but I would pick Monica.
I think she's great.
Now that said, man, this audience is being snowed by Monica.
I have to say, everywhere I'm reading
is just like falling over themselves, loving Monica.
Now, I love Monica.
I pick her as my favorite cast.
Monica is problematic as fuck.
Let's not forget, this was a friend of Jen Shaw's, okay?
That's really all you need to say.
She, she, she through.
She got, she, she,
tattled, she'd ratted on Jen Shaw, okay?
Now, was it a good move?
Sure.
There's something missing here that we're not saying,
I cannot wait for her season two to see what it is.
Because she's a fucking nightmare of a human being,
and we see it a little bit, but the audience is,
I think because of her mom situation,
and I think because of the young,
the youth situation that she's a little younger,
like the, I think that generation
is picking her. And I think people who have fucked up situations with their mother are automatically
picking her aside no matter what. But God, I can't wait to see Tomanika's bitch flower aboombs.
Yeah, I mean, I would say it's already blooming. I think that Monica, so yeah, Monica is interesting. She has so much mess going on that, like,
you know that she's not totally just like this sweet thing
that's totally innocent, and her mom is a monster and terrible,
but that does not mean that therefore Monica is not.
It's not a zero-sum situation because Monica,
well, she is in a situation where she often reverts to being like a petal and brat.
But then like she's often like awesome,
but then she'll suddenly, you know,
when she gets triggered, when someone starts
like filling that role, that mother role,
she then she regresses to being like an angry kid,
like, fuck you mother.
And so I think she gets herself into a lot of trouble with that,
but I'm with you. I feel like there's
Monica is I think she is an amazing addition to Bravo. I absolutely love her. I love her on this show, but yes, there is more than meets the eye of their
something here and we've been told like she's telling us right she and she's very she's really good at the housewives game. She comes right out with the whole
She's very, she's really good at the housewives game. She comes right out with the whole listen.
Here's what the thing is with me.
I fucked my brother in my brother in law for a year and a half.
You know, I got xcommunicated.
It's the honest.
You know, she's doing that.
She's coming, she's getting ahead of the problems.
But, you know, there's a lot of other stuff.
There's like 21 cases against her.
Do you know that? 21. I listen to the Bravo There's like 21 cases against her. Do you know that?
21.
I listen to the Bravo Docket.
I love those ladies.
It's Bravo Docket.
And there's 21 cases.
Now, hearing them tell it, you know,
just the way Monica is, you're always trying to excuse Monica.
Like, they don't excuse her necessarily,
but they're like, well, here's some things with Monica,
but this one, you know, that's not that bad.
And then, like, that's one is for this,
this thing that's not bad.
And as a listener and as someone
who follows all of this stuff,
you are the same way because it's Monica.
So you're like, well, but it's Monica, who cares, you know?
And a lot of the lawsuits are, I guess, in Utah,
they actually sue your ass for debt, which, oh, I didn't know, but a lot of them are like a lawsuit for debt.
She owes money, which, listen, a single mother of four,
like I wouldn't come after anybody for debt.
Like we're in America, we're all in debt, right?
So a lot of it is stuff like that.
We're like, well, but that's debt, but that's debt.
But then that one's debt.
But then after you're like, well, but that's dead, but that's dead. But then that one's dead. But then after you're like, wait, but that's 21 cases. You know, that's a lot. But at the same time,
I don't know. I'm just so conflicted, but that's why I just need more to come out because.
I'm just, yeah, that's what I want. I think Monica has just been wonderful
and to watch. And it's funny because I remember with the trailer, she really was not in the trailer
very much. They show her in this, I guess they the trailer, she really was not in the trailer very much.
They show her in this, I guess they're gonna have a pirate party
in Bermuda at some point coming up soon.
They showed her in this bonnet situation.
They show her like a little bit,
but I'm members in the trailer and thinking like,
oh, this new girl doesn't seem like she's in the show
very much, but really, she's been right,
like really right in the center of this entire season.
And I just really hope that all,
like the fact that no one on
the cast is talking with her and the fact that she has this lawsuit situation with Heather
does not get in the way of her being able to come back for another season because it's just like
I'm like she's just like a one woman soap opera. It's amazing. Yeah. So this scene basically ends with
pictures of breathing born and she's like wow, Volvo is really dressed up for my born. And she's like, wow, Volvo's really dressed up
for my birth.
And she goes, yeah, of course she's dressed up
because that was her day, and not my day.
Like, yeah, oh well.
But that is kind of the grandma's day too.
You know, see, that's the thing that makes me crazy.
Yeah, I would never stand up.
Like if it's my situation, I'm always right.
My mother's always wrong.
You know, I think that's like the natural order of things.
But Monica has this edge about her
that oftentimes I'm like,
but you just made your mom drive home.
Like she gave you back your car.
Yes.
But well, part of me loves that.
The other part's like, oh my God,
I could never do that.
You can't do that.
I know.
Well, and that's actually kind of what's great about it.
And it's a very gray situation.
I think we're just so used to in talk when we talk about housewives.
She's wrong.
She's right.
Like team this person, team that, like it's very binary, but like it's a great situation.
And we have to be okay with that.
So now we go to, oh god, these two, these two jokeers.
So Sean and Angie are showing up at a restaurant.
Sean is wearing very tight pants
and a tight shirt, but then he's like very, he's still wearing the baseball, a little
white baseball cap because he is deeply insecure about his hair. And then Angie gets out of
the car wearing black leather pants and this like silver metallic top. she literally looks like a silver C3PO. She's C3PO, that's what she is.
She is, she's like robot chic with pleather on the bottom.
I think she looks like a to go outfit, like a to go outfit. To go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go, to go pop. Jiffy pop pop. Jiffy pop pop. Jiffy pop. The way that she just swings for the fences with these looks and she just she just
tries so hard just and she's and they're going just like a neighborhood restaurant and she's
wearing just like a robot like 1950s like the the the day Earth stood still a robot outfit.
I mean, just like can't even, I can't even,
I'm like, I honestly, I love it, I really love it.
When he's in like a little leather rimed baseball cap,
whatever.
So they go in and see, or the waiter's like,
oh, hello, Sean and, and, well, first they walk in
and Sean's like, hi, it's Sean and Angie. And they're like, okay, so they seat them. And then the waiter's like, hello, Sean and and well first they walk in and and Sean's like hi, it's a shonen Angie and they're like okay
So they seat them and then the waiter's like hello, Sean and Angie
I remember you like of course we're regulars. She's like all the one that I usually have. He's like okay
Coffee for you, sir. Oh, yeah when when you go out with a younger woman like me. He needs to have coffee
Oh with a younger woman like me, he needs to have coffee. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Hop.
Hop.
Hey, and before I leave with your drink order,
I just want to remind you once again,
we do not have Musaka here.
This is an Indian restaurant.
Okay, thank you.
So then they thought we had a good order.
Musaka ordered Musoba.
Ha ha ha ha.
Figure it outopa Figure it out
Figure it out
You have a chef chef can cook anything so
So it's like awkward silence get strained. He is so uncomfortable. Oh my god
He's like, oh my god. What did what did they say about me this time?
You know he looks like he's just bracing himself.
Like, okay, we've got the gate rumors out of the way.
What could they possibly have spread about me this time?
What did Monica tell you?
And honestly, I would brace myself too.
If I knew I was about to engage
in the first ever Humpty Dance argument
on the real housewives, because that's where this is going.
Yeah.
So Andy's like, I realized why it's because that's where this is going. Yeah. So, so Andy said, come and just say, I'm sorry, this is, you're never gonna let you carry
on.
I'm gonna interrupt everything you say.
It's such a good episode.
Just talk.
But I have to do her order because it made me laugh so hard.
Okay, so there, I just like how she goes, I will do your special chicken.
And there's literally nothing special about a chicken. Come on. That do your special chicken. There's literally nothing special about a chicken.
Come on, that's your special chicken.
That's my special chicken.
That's my strong sense.
That's what it looks like.
And so she's like, so what do we talk about?
And then she tells us, we haven't been out of the house
for two years, but mainly because we got stuck
in the center of our enormous bed
and we couldn't crawl our way out. It was very very
blush and it was like it's like this is like a first date like what what do we even say to each other?
But isn't this like
So Utah to be like oh my god. We haven't been out since COVID
Remember remember the way we just partied it up during COVID God those were good times. I miss it, don't you?
Only us in restaurants, movie theaters.
God, freeway, so much easier back then.
It's another eating and making small talk.
He's like, so you like your food?
And he's like, it is so good.
It is so special.
So special, so good. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know, but we are passing like shifts in the night. I just got what you say.
It's like we are together, but not really together.
You know what I mean.
So when I'm with you, sometimes I feel like I don't even know what kind of music you like.
I may be lost for words and now you listen to country music in your car.
You never listen to country music. It car. You never listen to country music.
He's like, I've always listened to country. He's like, not with me in your car. He's like,
yeah, then, but you didn't use, but you didn't care what I, what I did because you were so
smitten with me and in love that you didn't matter. It didn't matter what I was doing.
And I said, love it. And I should be allowed to love it. I should be allowed to love what
I love is love. I should be able to love what I want. But it is annoying. It is so annoying for you to love what you love. And
he's like, well, when I get into your car and you're listening to the Humpty dance,
it's like, wait, I am. I am listening. I do. I listen to current rap music, like the Humpty
Dance, because I'm young and in touch. Well, I think that we should be allowed the Humpty Dance because I'm young and in touch.
Well, I think that we should be allowed to Humpty,
who we Humpty.
That's just it.
I pray by Humpty.
No, I pray by Humpty.
No, I pray by Humpty.
You crave your own Humpty.
So let me Humpty, whoever I want to Humpty.
I was like, the Humpty Dance is annoying.
She was, why is that annoying?
And she was, it's just freaking annoying.
Listen, it's a great song. You know, the Humpty Dance is your chance
to make Tatsuki Humpty Baby.
Do the Humpty Dance.
It makes me feel trendy again.
And he's like, well, I don't see anything about that too.
I just, yes, you do, you complain.
And he's like, well, I don't anymore. And that too. I just, yes, you do. You complain. And he's like, well, I don't anymore.
And I love that this is a recurring theme in their life
that they fight over the Humpty Dance.
That shit is hilarious.
The Humpty Dance is, and that she listens to it so much,
like, I don't know anyone who is like,
oh, God, I need to listen to the Humpty Dance again.
You know, it comes on on a party.
And then they hear them clink.
Oh, that's the worst
when you're not getting along with someone. And you hear the clinking of the fork and
the knife against the plate. Oh, I hate that. And she's like, well, it's not about the
music. I just don't love being alone with you because I don't want to feel annoying to
my own husband. And he just shrugged. It, like, well, what do you want?
You insist on playing the Humpty Dance together, no?
I mean, tell me what's not annoying about saying over and over again, do me baby.
Humpty Dance, do me baby.
Humpty Dance, I get it, I get it, Humpty Dance, I get it.
All right, well, stop what you're doing
because I'm about to ruin the image I add
and the style that you're used to.
Oh God, now you're gonna lecture me in Humpty Dance lyrics.
No, no, I'm not, I'm not.
She said, I look funny, but yo, I'm making money, see, you are.
You're gonna lecture me in Humpty Dance lyrics. Stop.
I like to rhyme, I like my beats funky, I'm making money, see, you are. You're gonna lecture me in empty dance, Leroy. Stop.
I like to rhyme.
I like my beats funky.
I'm spunky.
I like my oatmeal lumpy.
Oh, is that why you always say that in the morning?
I just thought you actually liked oatmeal.
Actually lumpy oatmeal.
Listen, it's been two years since we've been alone.
Please allow me to bump thee.
Okay, I'm not falling for this again.
Gotta stop.
Sean, I'll eat up all your crackers and you're looking
at your fat girl.
Come here, are you ticklish?
Yeah, I called you fat.
Look at me, I'm skinny.
It never stopped me from getting busy.
I never realized that lyric were going to send it.
I mean listen, you know it's just natural. We lose our relationship stuff. You know, we've
got a lecture, that little bitch. We've got the business, we've got a new house, you
know. And then, you know, like, well, you look around and you say, do we have anything
in common anymore? I mean, come on. Remember when we used to get busy all the time.
I mean, I once got busy in a burger or a keen bathroom.
Wait, were you even there at the time?
Burger King bathrooms.
They'd be good.
Okay, maybe we shouldn't talk about that one.
Sean, now you stop talking.
You're picking the creepiest part of the Humpty Dance lyrics.
You know when I wear this silver top, people say, you're Angie, you're really funny looking.
That's alright, because I got things cooking.
You stare, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see
me.
You can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see
me.
You can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see
me.
You can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see, you can't see get near me. Humpty dance, do the humpty dance. Okay, so I think what we need is more time together and we need it alone and
Electra is cool with that and let me tell you I'm gonna tell you this for when
we're alone. Now listen lady I'm being real sincere because in a 69 my Humpty
nozzle tickle your rear. Well are we gonna start there? Can we not start with the anal parts of the song these?
Sean, you know, I have to say one of the things that first drew me to you is that you were big like a pickle and I'm still getting paid.
You get laid by the ladies. You know you're in charge. All right, you know what we're not even agree on Humpty Dance lyrics check, please check
So then we go over to Heather who is doing a massive catering spread of Wendy's she's unwrapping all these
hamburgers
She's got like four prosties and then she's got an entire tray of just chocolates and cookies
And then she's got an entire tray of just chocolates and cookies. Honestly, I was very tempted to get some Wendy's.
That was an amazing product place, but I'm not even a Wendy's bitch.
Okay, I'm McDonald's doing through, but I saw that and I was like,
oh God, I want that Wendy's.
But I will say this as well intentioned as it was, we all know those fries were not very good.
Because they already started off not great because they're Wendy's fries and then they're just sitting there in a chaffer.
Wendy's fries are actually better once they've sat because they did this thing like years
ago, it was a long time ago, where they changed their fries to make them crispy.
Oh, I hate those fries.
They used to be like soft, mushy, horrible, ridiculously limp fries.
God, I loved those things.
That's how they need to be.
And when you let them sit for a while,
they get kind of soggy like that.
Mm.
Oh, so, okay, that's good.
Well, maybe they actually designed them
knowing that people would sort of like,
as people drove home with their to-go orders,
the fries that actually improved.
Yeah, that's actually, yeah, maybe it was some smart person.
Yeah, that's a high level.
But I thought whoever did it was just idiot.
Like, I've always been really furious with a person who came in and sat down.
You know with somebody new, they're like new and they have to come up with ideas.
And like you know how we know what we need to change about what it is.
All rats will.
The soggy fries.
The soggy fries.
Remember, Carol Radswell was the one who suggested that Kristen take my name,
one of her like her makeup slide
so she would be the one to be like we need to make the fries on appetizing
we need to make the french fries last longer to french fries is not a race it's a marathon Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Right there, Burt. Why does Wendy have so many cats and why should call them all baby?
So basically, Lisa shows up.
This has been a rough week for arrivals on Bravo because the other night, Karen Hugo
was walking into a scene and then she had to stop and he was like, I just got beat by
a bug.
And this time, Lisa Barlow is driving up and it's like,
oh my god!
What did I hit? Did I hear anything?
Oh my god, I didn't see anything. Is it bad?
Did I ruin my car? And she has a full gash on the side of her porch
because she drove into Heather's rock.
Yeah, I went.
And she's like,
ding dong, dang it, I need to tell John about this.
Ding dong, ding dong., I need to tell John about this. Ding-dong, ding-dong.
Hi! I hit your block.
The plastic part, the plastic part is a block.
And now there's like, oh my god, that giant boulder?
I should have that removed.
Yeah, you need to.
I should have already knew about the giant boulder.
Who does that?
So now there's like, this is not how I want to start this new chapter with Lisa.
I mean, have her slam into a boulder.
I don't even know if my homeowner's insurance is activated yet.
I'm gonna have to start a goat fun me for taking out her Porsche.
Talk about a rocky beginning.
Oh my god, it's all behind us.
Do you have a skipper?
I'm gonna use some of that.
This is amazing, Heather.
This is amazing.
She kept just two girls,
just two girls,
two best girlfriends hanging out.
Me and Lisa Barlow.
Speed, look up to me and Lisa Barlow.
Hey Lisa, selfie.
Ah, so.
Oh my God, I'm wearing the bestie face.
You know what, me and Heather
are like a new face in a relationship.
And like, she's doing everything right.
She's got all my favorite treats here.
I got Wendy's extra barbecue sauce.
Shortbread cookies for my favorite bakery.
Literally, I hope we can stand this place
because it's like the first time.
In like five years we've been here.
And Lisa goes, do you have a pepper towel?
And now there's like, no.
I can't believe you just open a barbecue sauce
with a white shirt on the white couch
with heart-shaped nails.
Come and go, great.
Why don't you have paper towels?
You can't get...
Mine bags of winthies, I'm not gonna give somebody a paper towel.
Okay.
If you think that Lisa isn't going to quote, unquote,
accidentally drips in barbecue sauce in your white couch
as revenge for what happened to her Porsche,
you were sadly mistaken.
Double check that couch after the scene's done.
Commissions.
Here comes one right now. Double check that couch after the scene is done
So she's like yeah, what's going on? I said oh my god Jack is Jack is going on his mission girl. He's so ready to go
And I was like yeah, that's exciting right Columbia
Yeah, he gets irritated because I'm like that's a bitch.ishay. And he's like, mom, it's not a shopping trail.
Oh, wow.
And I was like, yeah, you only get to shop on one day
and it's for groceries.
Okay, stop.
No one cares about, no one cares about your momentism, Heather.
It's a different kind.
It's a different kind of momentism.
So, Lisa is like, by the way, your event was so good.
I really loved it. And Heather is like, yeah, I'm mostly excited about the way, your event was so good. I really loved it.
And Heather's like, yeah, I'm mostly excited
about the place that we're in right now.
I mean, we're in a good place with everyone
and we haven't really even reward ourselves
for everything we've been through.
So I wanna plan a trip.
Yeah, it's gonna be tropical for sure,
because I went out with Monica last night
and he says like, yeah, pulling both sides
right here, like, oh really, pulling both sides right here.
Oh really?
Looking off the fry, the fry salt.
It goes, oh you dad, that's her paper towel down.
So yeah, I know she's just turned her,
what do you call plugins, not plugins,
her weave or what, her extensions or whatever into.
Are those extensions?
I don't think they are actually.
They come all the way down right in front of her face.
It's like that girl on below Dexaling last year
who had floss with her hair.
So, her face, what was that girl's name?
Oh, what a weird Kelsey or a carrot,
whatever her name was.
So now we start intercutting between Heather,
the previous night, she went out to drinks with Monica at like a teaky teaky tour teaky lounge or whatever and Heather
And Heather saying telling Lisa that Monica was talking about how she's to spend her summers in vermuda
And so we see Monica saying like I still have like family girl and Wayne drovers in vermuda
And Heather's like in vermuda, like the Bermuda Triangle.
It's just bitch.
It's the double triangle.
She's like, oh my God, that is so funny.
What if we got people together for your birthday there?
And so we cut back and Heather's like, okay,
but I did say if you wanna go on this trip,
you have to apologize.
And then we cut back to the Tiki restaurant.
It's like five umbrellas in. And Heather's trip, you have to apologize and then we cut back to the teaky restaurant. It's like five umbrellas in and Heather is like, you have to make up with Lisa
because she's going to be invited and I've already got five bags of Wendy's in my trunk.
Don't fuck this up for me. I know. I just want to reiterate free vacation from Bravo.
So you want to go like, hmm, do you say free? Yeah, find her. I mean,
we're going to announce this at the Pioneer March.
It's already this is saving up to be great.
Bermuda trap, just all,
we're going to the Bermuda triangle,
we're gonna announce it at a Pioneer lunch.
Does this even make sense?
Is this a real show?
So we come back and it's like,
yeah, after all the progress we've made,
I just don't want you to think like,
this is a bitch move on my part,
and like we're trying to cause problems.
I was like, I just think that, you know,
she's gonna make things right with you and we're gonna have fun.
Lisa's like I don't really care if she's there. She's like not my problem.
Like I don't need an apology from her. I'm just like not interested just the way you seem to be
about paper towels. I'm gonna show you how not interested I am by pulling both sides of my hair
and frowning really bigly. And I'm gonna look left and right really quickly too.
So now, now we have Whitney dressed in a hot pink,
walking into a bar and she has changed her eyebrows up.
I have this microblading, micro something.
Yeah, this is microblading, I think.
This is Eddie Munstering.
I don't know what you want to call it, but it's like,
she changed up those eyebrows that it was jarring.
It was jarring.
You know, the microplating, I just think we're
going to look back on it and just laugh.
I think that's going to be one of the trends that we just
crack up at.
Like the big magic marker, like,
so she goes in and she meets Angie,
who has, you know, dressed crazily as usual.
And she's like, I ordered some oysters and rosé and also some chips
Angie by the way is again trying to make her she has like basically two pairs of
wacky sunglasses, but she keeps success
She keeps using them with different outfits and she is trying to she's trying to make them work
She got her big pink ones.
And then she's got, I think, like Versace ones.
She may have a third thing,
but now she's wearing her big ones.
And now she's wearing a plethora top.
So, yeah, the first scene,
she was like plethora on the bottom.
Now she's plethora on the top.
She basically had,
she just like mixing and matching all these textures
and looks.
And again, I'm just like, I can't get enough of it.
That's my favorite disaster. I have so much that I can't get enough of it. Well, I have.
It's my favorite disaster.
I have so much that I want to talk to you about.
Oh my god, you know what?
I haven't even had any girl time.
But then, you know, like I do have girl time with you.
Because you and I have so much fun.
I'm just like, well, what is important is to take care of ourselves.
Yeah, like you and I have business as I have my kids.
I talk to Lisa Barlow more than my husband
Yeah, we hadn't had a date night until two years ago and we finally went out to dinner the other night for about 15 minutes
It was awkward silence, but then I just started singing the Humpty Dance and that seemed to fix a lot of the issues
You know, what's funny?
Now that I think about it, you know who else talks to Lisa Barlow more than me?
My husband.
He has a little poster of her in the bathroom and every time he goes into watch his face,
I hear him saying, I can't.
So Whitney is like, I experienced that too.
I'm like, I don't know what to say to you Justin.
Because like when we were first married, Justin came home to a home cooked mill every single
night.
And I was like, 1950s wife.
I loved it.
Yeah.
I had lingerie under my clothes.
Like I was like 1950s.
Like yeah, I wanted more though, because I wanted to develop myself.
And I've noticed especially with Justin going back to work, there's a void.
There's I think when we talk about when you void is a word that definitely does come to mind
That is a concept that I think about my here when you speak and also Whitney cannot just let anybody else talk ever
You know this girl's coming in here like oh my god We had the worst day. We've not been out in two years and it was just awkward silence
That reminds me of Justin and then she goes on this whole thing
Okay, yeah, but like, is it couple?
I just need Sean to hear me more. You know what I mean? Like more Angie, less like YMCA. Do
you understand? And Whitney is like, wait, are you feeling like you have a better work life
than a marriage life? Because I felt like I work so much now and said, it's Justin. So I have
more of a work life than Justin life back to me, perhaps. So we haven't made time, which is like embarrassing and
uh, joking up. We have not made time to be husband and wife, which is a shame because
my sounds laid down by the underground and I drink up all the Hennessy, your God on
yourself. Okay, Angie
No, please don't do this for me now also
Yeah, well almost the last time you had sex and she's like well, we were fighting to get together
Hmm
Once a week you are not having sex once a week stop the lies
I don't think anybody would complain about having sex with their husband once a week, stop the lies. I don't think anybody would complain about having sex with their
husband once a week. Are you kidding? That's like 52 more times a year than I have it.
You also have to start like the process of rolling from one side of the bed to the other
to reach the other person about two weeks in advance. Okay, it takes a little while.
Just like sitting a rolling for a while. Like, shot, I'm coming, I'm coming, keep that boner up.
I'm rolling on over to you.
Lost it.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Comte dance was my chance.
So she's like, we need to organize,
and Whitney's like, don't organize, just do it.
And she's like, do it, do it, do it.
Wow, and she's really on a roll tonight.
So I think I still like, open, but what I'm missing
is having my husband back the way that I had him. I just like the long hair. Yeah. Well, Justin
and speaking of your husband and his long hair, Justin and I got to the point where work is literally last November literally was our
hand of November last was our official last anniversary.
Can I talk now since you can't come up with your stand?
Wait, I'll learn one more line.
Whitney, your last anniversary you went out of town.
Yeah, we went out of town to Stowewell Farms
and I asked him, do you even still wanna do this?
And then he was him, do you even still want to do this? And I was, and then he's like, do you?
And I was like, I don't know, do you?
And he said, well, I just asked you that.
And I said, well, I just asked you that.
And he says, okay, from the top, do you still want to do this?
And I said, do you still want to do this?
No, answer me first.
Took 30 minutes.
So speaking of that, you know, it feels like it's been 30 years since Sean and I...
Yeah, every marriage has its ups and downs, but our current issue is that we're not the
same people as we were 14 years ago.
I'm a business woman now.
Yeah, I'm not a stay-at-home mom.
I have two businesses, prison and another thing. So, and she says,
you know, the way that we communicate as a married couple is very different. I'm more
at spoken now. Now I say things like, hey, and so it's different. And so it's just all
those things combined. Also, Justin hates when I say this, but I don't think it's natural to be monogamous
Well, yeah, we are all animals and if you read about animals or just read it all I'm doing a good job at it, but it is hard
Yeah, well animals don't stay with the same like animals
Yeah, I'm actually trying to agree with you and people are like animals people are
I'm actually trying to agree with you and people are like animals. People are about animals don't stay with the same thing.
Just since a dog, I'm a business woman cat.
Ducks, ducks stay faithful.
Ducks are monogamous.
How about that?
Did you know that about ducks?
Ducks.
Ducks would be sluts. They're like, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha There's now a think piece in duck Jezebel.
That's like the slut shaming
that happens in pop culture comes quick
and it comes off to him.
Also that's completely false.
To anyone who's sitting out there
wondering why animals don't mate for a life.
Yes, I do.
Some animals do.
I'm gonna look at that.
Albatrosses.
Albatrosses.
Also, I think that ducks are kind of rapy, believe it or not.
At least based on what I learned from Isabella Rosalini,
who she is like all into animals.
She actually has like a master's in animal science.
And I went to saw this show.
This one woman showed that Isabella Rosalini did.
And in the show, she talked about different ways
that animals have sex.
And in fact, she does like videos of them that are have sex. And in fact, she does videos of them
that are really hilarious.
I think some of you may have seen them.
And so the one with the duck is that the duck has like this,
like a maze, the lady duck has like a maze of a vagina
with all these quarters.
And if the lady duck doesn't like the duck
that's like landed on her, her kind of like her way
of dealing with it is that she sends that duck's duck penis down down the wrong corridor and then she likes the duck, she sends the
duck, she sends the proper, the duck that she likes, she sends that penis to the proper
proper, no way.
It is.
She's got like a labyrinth, she just like brings up it.
Yes, she's like come this way, come this way duck penis.
Oh my God.
And so, the thing is.
She's got like a baby Bowie in there with a crystal ball.
Oh my God. It literally is like, well this is all assuming that Isabella Roselinius is speaking
facts, but I have to assume that in general, Isabella Roselini is not going to lie to us.
So they wouldn't give her a more steriser commercial, right? Wasn't she like on oil of
Ola for years and years? Yeah, she's not. She's not.-done. It's not, it's not oil of Oly.
Okay, I trust her.
So does oil of Oly.
I use oil of Opa.
Opa of Oly.
Opa.
Opa, Opa.
Anyway, it's a cool video.
People definitely look up Isabella Rosalini's
like how Doc's upset sex thing.
Yeah, I don't think it speaks of monogamy. Look up Isabella Rosalini's like how duck-seps sex thing. Yeah, yeah people. I don't think it speaks of monogamy.
Look up.
Isabella Rosalini Animal Sex Videos.
Thanks, Ben.
Okay, how many people has-
Oh, no, it should.
How many people has Ben just gotten arrested
because of their Google history?
No, no, because the thing is that she dresses up
like the animals.
I haven't mentioned that part.
She dresses up like the animals
or like their sexual part, like their animal vaginas.
I can't describe it.
It is actually some of the most amazing videos
that are out there.
You would love it, Ronnie.
I'm telling you people, it is amazing.
That is funny.
Okay.
Here you go.
These are the animals,
these are just seven of the animals
that mate for life.
Because now I know we're all
horning for duck vagina.
So here we go.
Yeah.
Wolves, beavers.
Wolves, I didn't guess either.
I would not.
Well, I would think wolves, like just wolf of Wall Street,
I make some think that wolves are repatious
and go after whatever they want.
Beavers, okay.
Well, that's, yeah. That's cute, right?
That's cute, right?
And it says because they work together.
And it's just like people who are just like insistent on building walls seem to find
each other.
It's not crazy.
Gibbons.
Okay.
I don't even know what a Gibbons is.
Gibbons.
What is it?
Well, I think they host.
Oh, there are entertain entertainment news programs
They're like little are they monkeys? They are yeah, I love it or they're two day primates or whatever They're super cute. Okay, and California mice
Specifically guys, yeah, they were the ones who lost the audition for the gig the raisins got it
Dam it up. We were counting on those royalties
They're like, wow, don't you build me up like I'm sorry. We prefer the grapevine song. We're gonna go with the raisins
But I already my cousins already put a lease on a house. They've already sent a mortgage
We're gonna go with the raisins. But my cousins already put a lease on a house,
they've already sent a mortgage.
Sorry.
We're the California mice.
Sorry, we're reading all the raisins or the blind ones.
Well, it's funny that you say that
because the headlines says California mice
resisting temptation.
It's not funny, like the temptations.
You know those California mice are the most annoying miles.
They're the ones that are like,
guys just want to celebrate 26 years together
on the cover of the knot.
Just Kyle and Riceo.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Our tips.
Hi.
Hi, we're the California miles.
And these are our tips for a long lasting relationship.
Today we're here with Heather Debrot.
We're gonna share what makes a relationship work. The next year you find out they've been separated the whole time.
I was like, damn, I've been taken in by the California mice again.
It was like a durable attach to all of a sudden one of the mice is hanging around.
Single-backed lizards, which I mean, I think that they have to stay with each other because
like once you find another single back, like you're done, like who wants to date a single
back?
You know what I mean?
I'm bringing a single back.
Okay, now, but here's a real funky looking fish.
It's called a diplozoon paradox.
Diplozoon. Yeah. Diplozoon paradox. It's called a Diplosoon Paradoxum. Diplosoon. Yeah. Diplosoon Paradoxum. It's terrifying.
Sounds like something you get when the California mice cheats.
And the final black vultures. Man, vultures really? Wow. Well, they probably,
you know, they lived through hardship. They just have to sit there in the side of the road but in person to die.
It's going to be pretty bad things.
Yeah, it's like a serial killer hobby.
You know, like, let's go look at dead things together and then eat them.
They probably have one of those stories.
The black voltage probably have one of those stories you have to read in the school about
like, Ma and Pa had to leave again to get food for the family.
They always went out together and we had hardship
as a family, but one thing we could rely on
was that Ma and Pa always stood together.
Okay.
All right, so.
So the point is Isabella Roaming.
And she is writing.
Yeah, sorry.
Isabella Roce-Solini has great animal fucking videos.
Okay, thanks for listening to Watch Your Craven.
Hey everyone, we're gonna put a pin in this recap for the moment.
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Part two is coming up on your feed very, very shortly, so put your bonnet on and get ready
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