Watch What Crappens - #2244 Southern Charm: Tropic Blunder

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

The Southern Charm crew goes to Jamaica this week as Austen tries to convince us he has feelings and Madison tries to convince us he cares. This week’s bonus is a Cyber Monday shopping fest. Enjoy! Watch with Crappens on Demand here:  http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello listeners, this is Mike Corey of Against the Odds. You might know that I adventure around the world while recording this podcast. And over the years, I've learned that where I stay when I travel can make all the difference. Airbnb has been my go-to place for finding the perfect accommodations. Because with hotels, you often don't have the luxury of extra space or privacy. Recently, I had a bunch of friends come down to visit in Mexico. We found this large house and the place had a pool, a barbecue, a kitchen, and a great big living room to play cards, watch movies, and just chill out. It honestly made all the difference

in the trip. It felt like we were all roommates again. The next time you're planning a trip, whether it's with friends, family, or yourself, check out Airbnb. To find something you won't forget. Well, hello and happy Friday here on What What Happens! I'm Ronnie, that's been over there. Hello you little sweet man. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Good, what's been going on over there. I'm just, I'm watching Bravo. Watching them talking Bravo with you.

Bravo at the end of the week. Yes, Bravo. Bravo just keeps on cranking it out and we are here for all of it. So everybody, thanks so much for being here today. This is a Southern charm. Friday, we did Miami this week. We did Salt Lake City this week. We did Beverly Hills. We did so many things Potomac, you know what? We did a crappy hour this week. Next week is Dual Hello Week, which is a

Wondery Plus, so get on that. That's our house Hunches or eGips. Those are very fun. We actually recorded that one this week and it is very fun those are very fun. We actually recorded that one this week and it is very fun. Very ragy and a pair of acrobat. So a couple of a couple made up of acrobats or we now call it Acro. Acro. We learned about Acro. We got really bad during that while hello. That's the last while hello, you're by the way. So listen now. Actually, it's great. It gives you Sam. It gives you a lot of time. We'll start them back up again in January, but it gives you a lot of time to catch up on an amazing year of dwell hello, because we had some real doozies. I would actually argue to say that all of them were doozies, but we had a lot of fun this year doing it. So go check it out on OneDrew Plus and support it,

because you'll enjoy it, because I think everyone watches House Hunters, and if you don't, you should because it's, you'll enjoy it because I think everyone watches House Hunters and if you don't, you should start and then you'll enjoy it even more. If you don't, you're a laser. Also, someone who's not a loser, married from two judgey girls, congratulations on getting married. Madan, she got it so cool. She got married.

And you'll notice we're in Bridesmaid's clothes because we're sweating right now because we've re invited. So we're actually Bridesmaid's clothes because we're sweating right now because we've Reinvited so yeah, we're actually that but also love you. I love you so much and congratulations on Your marriage you two are real cute. I got to hang out with them one night In old San Francisco and we just you know we had a real humdinger. I love the guy. I think it's great Yeah, we're very happy for Mary. We love Mary and She is not quite contrary. She is quite hilarious. So anyway, congrats guys.

And today we are talking Southern Charm. Okay, it's the big cast vacation. This is the big Get to Know page. This is Get to Know page to Sorbo vacation, which in the most pen parenthesis. No. No. Hey, so previously on Southern term, a beta tried to guess Taylor. Well, Jayce offered Taylor a shoulder to crime, ride cried on

levis, and we all cried because levi don't know how to pronounce the spresso in a room bar three weeks after she didn't know what a phantom was and she's a restaurant owner. Okay, man, this is me crying. Why? Why? Why? Also previously, JT went to Republic and tried to order an espresso margini, but he called

it a beta espresso margini because he's a beta. So just to be all beta beta spresser. Um so it crags out oh and also in the previously rods like I can just feel her pulling away. She never pulled in Ron okay. You catch nothing with gluten free bread. I'm telling you right now no she's not that into you. That goes for you to JT you, this is getting sad at this point. Like I'm just feeling bad for you guys.

It's a good point. By feeling bad, I mean, annoyed that you're on my television to stop. You're both, no one is a threat. Go home. Guys, I love JT. I think I'm really into JT. And I'm just taking, I'm enjoying this moment

before whatever problematic other shoe drops. Cause it's gonna drop. We know this is this guy. He's gonna put a tracker in her car. He's a fucking stalker. This guy's terrible. He's terrible. The terrible tweet will surface.

Something will happen. A campaign donation. Like we know, I know it's coming, but right now it's not there. So I am going to enjoy JT while I can. I know what I enjoy Rod to and is sort of like bland, anti-cellid way. I sort of, I think I just like them because the alternatives are like Austin.

And they just really make JT and Rod seem so much better by comparison. I listen, I'm not a hater. I'm just saying there's litter of mystery. Okay, there's no chemistry here. And it's hard enough watching Olivia try to pretend that she's in Austin because I don't believe that one second either, but they are really, really trying, you know, and I have to give them, and by trying, I just mean eating with their

outmouse open a lot and sporting food everywhere and like literally having zero to say to each other. Really, but exactly correct. So we are at Craig's house and Craig has moved his sewing machine onto his counter and he facetimes Austin, he's like, Hey, Austin, let me show you what I'm going to embroider for you. And I guess he's going to embroider the word Jamaica onto something. So get get ready. Casey didn't know you're going to Jamaica. Fun fact, when you go to Jamaica, you really can't find things there if that's a Jamaica on them So all the gift shops they all say yeah, it's gonna be super hard to find a Jamaica hat Yeah, Jamaica. It's gonna be super difficult. Glad we've got Craig here

And it's in the most simple non-tomac and fault font by the way I'm just glad it was spelled correctly because that would have been a disaster. It's like Helvetica, like Craig, come on. Can we get some panties hand at least or something? Like, I don't know what I'm expecting. I'm expecting that. Something, something. So Craig is like, these choreolares too, because Craig is like messing up his hair,

his goal just head of hair. And then Austin picks up and he's like doing that, like posing on Instagram thing where you lift your guys, like lift our eyebrows. And then he's like playing with his hair because Austin's obsessed with his hair, which is probably falling out, which I love. Gotta love that.

As a bald, let me just tell you, you love seeing other balds come. It's like, lack of follicles love company. You know what I mean? I love seeing some skin on it. I just love seeing some skin patches on the man's head. Miser, and I wouldn't even call it misery because it started at a point in like a lot of bald people.

Obviously plugs are a thing. But when you're a bald person like me, there's some things I'll hate myself about or be mean to myself about. But being bald, I can't do anything about that one really. I mean, I'll hate myself about, or be mean to myself about, but being bold, I can't do anything about that one really. I mean, I guess I could pay, but like I won't. I'm too cheap, but I can't really do anything.

So I just let that one go, and it was sad at first, but then guess what? I got to watch everyone around me go bold. And it's just so liberating. How did the crowd hurt? When people just join your bold club. Listen, you're an innovator, and you were before your time. And that's great. Yeah, you started baldness. I started baldness. So, so I get Craig starting Jamaica in case

you didn't know. And like, so he's making a list and checking it. Zero hundred. I did. I did. So Craig this list. Yeah, there it is. Okay, I made a list. Yeah, there's a boy separate from girls. And then there's a section for really short guys. JT's on it. It's okay. Here's the boys. Craig Austin, Chef, JT Whitney, which is tricky, because I thought it was girl at first, because girl name and Rod. and then girls. It's like Olivia, Mass and Taylor and Vanita. Just say the cast. The cast. Why are you?

Why are you? Why are you making a list? Why are you separating the boys from the girls? You're such a weird, why are you counting them? Why does Leva have to do nothing on this show? by the way? I'm officially over it. Leva doesn't even know how to pronounce simple things in her own restaurants, okay? And she only comes on here to promote her stupid bars. Who cares about this? Are they really this invested into Southern hospice? Five people watch that show. Two of them were us. And by the way, we'll be watching every single minute of the next season. I would rather have Leva invested and making sure season two is just as good a season one,

rather than having her go on this cast trip. I think it'll be okay. So because by the way, Southern hospitality is great. So, now, Leva, let's talk about giving nothing. My God, literally nothing. She sits in her scenes just rolling her eyes like, why am I even with these idiots? No. Wait, why are you looking at me? I'm like, wait, that's how I feel.

Watching the show. No, it's just like, you know, when you're doing a bad job at work and they're like, Ronnie, so many people would line up to be an apple here at Applebees. Don't be a bad apple. And I would think get them in here then, get the fucking people in here. But I do feel that way. It's like you got time to lean, you got time to clean. That's how I feel about Lebat.

Like there are people who are lined up outside to try and do something on this show. And you just walk in here doing nothing every single fucking time. Do something, brah! walk in here doing nothing every single fucking time. Do something, brah! Well, speaking of Southern hospitality, we then cut to Rod and JT working out with Bradley, Bradley who is from Southern hospitality. And then JT, JT is like shirtless,

they're like pushing a tractor or something. And then JT, like CrossFit, it's like a safe, the F guys. And Bradley immediately goes, I'll get you guys some water. I was like, wow, can't wait to watch this spin off. Why are we featuring somebody if you're just going to happen to say I'm going to get you some water and walk away?

I mean, Bradley has never really been personality forward. He's just sort of just like muscles. So then, but then Jay, he does that thing where like he's like, oh wow, I'm thirsty. I've worked out and it takes the bottle of water and just like pours it on his face. I'm like, okay, you're not in some Dietco commercial JT. Let's settle down. You know where he is? He has a better body this.

He's got this. By the way, we're, yeah, I'm not discussing people's bodies. So he also did this outside of Bravovillcon where all the stars come in. There's a video of him getting out of Madalimma, but his car, his black car or whatever. And he gets out and he like lifts it, he like does a cheer for himself and like lifts his water bottle and then it spills on him. Of course. And so he's like, God, Jim, it just spills it all over. It's just like throws it all over. So poor JT, like he literally can't even win getting out of a car. No, that's very JT.

So he's like, so you go on a Jamaica ride and rods like, I don't know, I'm like, I'm gonna have to watch Olivia prance around in a bikini all weekend with her ex-boyfriend. So if I go, am I going to look thirsty? I was like, it's too late. It's too late for that.

You're on reality TV. Just go enjoy your RetroPto Jamaica. And JT, listen, you're at least around JT. There's nothing thirstier looking than JT. JT's like, well, Craig's inviting you. You have to be there. I mean Taylor's gonna be there. I mean, my wingman, baby.

Your wingman. She is not in cheese stalker. Stop. I'm worried, I'm worried now. Just stop. I'm worried about Rod as a wingman also. Like, hey, ugly friend of girl, my friend is interested in. So what are your thoughts on salads?

Ew, I hate them. God, don't talk to me about salads. Ugh, gross. He's having an emotional life. My story. He's going through it. Pretty salad-y, too. It's a really terrible wingman, even in my version.

He really just messes up. They are terrible wingman. They've been there for each other and look how far they've gotten. Terrible, terrible wingman. They're just, they're both, because they're both wing men, but they don't have their, they don't have the, the body of the plane. The celery wouldn't even date you and your wings, okay?

And either one of you. So then Bradley comes back. So then Bradley comes back. So then Bradley comes back. And your wings. So, you're not even bad, middle or or worthy being the wind beneath my. So Bradley's like, you guys done chit chat and princesses. All right, well, that says gonna just shoot through the rating truth.

Okay, so then we go to Venita. This is a shocker. Glad we're back to form. Venita is in her backyard talking on the phone. And Charles is there. Yeah, all of those things. Charles sitting on steps and mass like, well, you better come to him, Jamaica. You better get your rest and like your vitamin C bitch because I'm coming out to play.

And then, so then, by the way, oh, guys, guys, guys, guys, everyone listen to podcasts. Okay, this is, this is a hard one to swoosh. Okay, this is hard, but Vanita tells us, man,i can't come to Jamaica because he's gonna be in Utah. Oh my God, what a devastating loss for us. Here I was hoping to learn more from the person I've had seconds with on this show. God, listen without Mani. You know what I hate when people take up listen

and then they tell you everything, like, I just did that to you. I just hate that. I just choked by saying Mani. I'm barely, I'm gassing for breath over here. Well, here's my thing. I, I think Venita has a rough road on this show. I think she's had a rough road. I don't think it's easy for her.

I don't think it's easy for her with the viewers. I don't think it's easy for her with the cast. I think it sucks being Venita on the show, okay? Now that's, I mean, I like her. I think she's boring as hell, but that said, I do not believe this manny storyline. Do you? No, I don't like to accuse people,

but since I've accused everybody else on this show of having a fake relationship, I don't buy it. I don't buy this at all. I don't know why. I get nothing from this couple. I buy it. I'm just not interested in it because what we have soon, I'm like, I buy it. I have nothing from this couple. I buy it. I'm just not interested in it because what we have soon

is, you know, it's like a buy it. If it were in a store, but I believe it. Yeah, like I, this is, this is an impulse buy. This is something I bought waiting in line at Marshall. It's like, oh, I got a calendar of like Ireland's best goats. Well, actually, I would like that. Be like Ireland's best door and box. And I'm like, I bought it, but I look at it. I'm like, I'm not that interested

in it, though, you know? I actually am. Okay. I've bad examples. I still feel like he's one of the lower tier options at the impulse line at Marshalls. Yeah, I'm just not, I don't know, I don't know. So, um, you know, that's, that's really here nor there. I, I, I'm behind it. It's not breaking news to anybody. I just like, why even fake a relationship if it's going to be, I'm sad that you, I mean, I feel, I feel, I'm a friend in Canada. I feel bad for her that man is not there because literally none of the men on the show talk to Vanita or acknowledge her presence and I think that's really fucked up and I think that there's like

well that's right that's what I'm saying. It's like a rough road on the show. Yeah and I think that like it's strange to me like they really they really act like she's invisible and you know you can read into that what you want but you're whatever you're reading into it I'm probably reading into it also but so it sucks but that that being said, I want whatever, like I just felt, man he's not that interesting so far. I need management. Now Madison. Now Madison also has someone who's never there

to cheat married, but I think with Madison, I don't believe that she really even cares about Charleston or will be interested in Madison's like out of there. She's just here to shoot the show, right? Yeah, I don't know what's going on with Madison. Well, her kid goes to school there, I think, well, I don't know. But Madison's like, I wish Brett were coming.

He was only here three days and then he had to go back to work. But, you know what, Paige will make everything better because we can just sit with the pinnacle out and laugh at everyone else. All the betas having fun on the beach, bet a beach. Jabaita and go. I'm finit, it's like, well, man, he's not coming on the beach, beta beach, jabaita, yeah. I'm finit, it's like, well, man, he's not coming.

She goes, oh yeah, well, I'm married to a fireman. I don't know if you've heard. So he's off to your travel firefighter. He's off to my family. Fire, fire, it's a rough one.

It's just flying over to his you fire. What's manny doing? Playing jazz somewhere. Oh, so not saving people. Got it. This is so man is not here by choice. Well, that said, because it's not here, because there's five places that aren't here. So sorry, he's busy off being somewhere hot. Literally hot. So now we go to Craig's house.

Craig's with his nails on his bed. I really want him, his one nail. I was expecting him to knock over that nail polish. It's like, this is Craig, there's a polster nearby. There's fabric. He's gonna spill. But he did. This is why I have a separate room.

So we call his page and he's like, hi chicken. And he's like, hey chicken, just literally I just cut that delivered to chicken. What do you want, Craig? Hold on, let me put on my super cool headphones on. They make it harder for me to hear your voice. And he's like real, they're like regular headphones, but they're super ugly in the cost $600. So they're fine max pro. Why would why would they, these are the ugliest headphones

I've ever seen. And I'm not really shallow when it comes to headphones, but those are ugly. Oh, those things. They look like giant chicklets that you put on your ears. So. Hi, chicklet.

Craig is like, you look like a pro. No, Craig, literally I'm having gum. Please just get on with it, Craig. Oh my God. I'm really trying to, it's not that they're oversized chicklets. It's just that I actually have a very small head and I'm trying to stuff my ears with gum. This is the day we just lose our entire audience. Let me bring care.

I'm going to think, oh wait, Amazon, don't think about manning. Wait, hold on, I got to tell them how to get it. I don't want to miss this hold on Hello, oh my god the CSI The slowness is Amazon delivery I can't hear you if is I Quite I'm quitting this show Amazon Shit I'm gonna miss my delivery. They're trying to make it ever. high. They're here. Hi. Are you having it? We've gotten an education All right, Ben give them your address Ben and tell them you can just throw it over the you can just throw it over the over the gate. That's okay

Thank you also how I was delivered in the hospital Okay, it's like because the thing is you don't tell them to throw it over the gate, then they're like, sorry, we're gonna take this all the way back to Missouri. And that's all because no one had the thought that they could just throw a box over the gate. And then you'll need his... Thimbles and his bobs and his bobbles for his sewing. I'm gay with it.

We ordered on Cyber Monday, which you can listen to if you go this on the bonus episode Cyber Monday, fun times. That was very adrenaline inducing moment for me. Okay, so Craig is like, all of us. I know, I'm literally all for being there. Am I going to go say the security code for my complex on the air? And I was like, honestly, it would be worth it. So anyway, Craig is like, I'm just you're painting my nail and she goes, well, did you really call me to tell me that? Because honestly, there's a rat walking on the subway

that I'd be much more interested in paying attention to right now. I think, well, I've been thinking, like we should take a trip together, like you've been to Jamaica. She's, um, okay. Yeah, because I found like a last minute deal. And so like I thought like maybe now you and me can spend time with the groups.

Wow, last minute deal group trip with a group of people that I hate. Well, I bet it would be a heck of a time. You know I hate you because I just said heck to you. So. Yeah, that seems great. Yeah, because like you could like come to Jamaica with all the crazy cats of Charleston

and it would be fun for you to spend time with the group to get to know everyone. Yeah, yeah, just like I said, a heck of a time for someone who has no life and low standards. They will have a great time on that trip. Yeah. But work wise, it would be your entire cat. I mean, you're responsible of me to come to Jamaica.

Goodbye. Hate you. So, it's a guy. Why didn't I call? Why didn't I check with Paige before I made a trip to introduce everybody to Paige on a trip that she everybody to Page on a trip that she can't come on. Err, wait a second, Page, don't you make your own hours

as an influencer? Sorry, my boss is, I gotta go work to get to work at Costco or something. Must talk to Hanna only in an office where podcasts are by gotta go Sorry, I'm working at a paper company in Scranton right now by it's time for commercial. It's time for a crapance commercial So we go to have moon and JT's at the store like hey it's me JT I'm in the store Maybe you can help me shop. God. I love you. Help put your name rosy love your rosy great to meet your rosy

Okay, one a day. You don't I love you cut out love your rosy call me Quidi comp so I have it does a chance same base of chance Hey, I'm going on a last-minute trip to Jamaica So do you have any tuxedos I can wear for the beach? Cause you know, like a trowel, I can imagine like beachwear in Charleston for Jamaica. I just imagine it's just like, tweed and coffee vests.

It's just, yeah. It's a Tommy Bahama shirt with a fluorescent coffee vest and like a burberry scarf. Right. So he's there, he's ordering stuff. And then he's like, just make me look cool. I'm sorry, you're gonna have to go to go to goons for that because we can't help you here.

We're beyond that, sir. Yeah, we're beyond trying to help. There's nothing we can do here. So Shep shows up and JT has like a bucket hat on and he like turns the rim up and he's like look at this it's kind of a diverse hat because you can flip it forward like blossom and Shep is like yeah um gosh I love that for you I'm really hold on one second I'm just gonna call my agent yeah they're making me shoot a scene with a new guy

and there's not even a legacy people in it. I have to do it. Gersh! Wow, I haven't been to Jamaica on many, many moons. I was partaking in extra curricular activities last time I went, wow! I have extra curricular, I mean smoking weed and watching, Ken Burns documentary's my hotel room, gosh. Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh like, where are you? And I was like, I'm at the house shaking my foot. And she was like, you want a hook up? And I was like, I don't think that's a good idea. I just knocked over three glasses with my foot.

It will not stop shaking. And she goes, fine, I'll just hook up with Austin instead. And I said, gosh. Wow, that text coming from Taylor, that was a shock to say the least. And then we see that you feel smarter, saying, look, why you talk like that? But then we know it,

we know what to say the leaves mean, stop talking like that. With the college, congratulations, you have mailbox money, talk like a normal human being. So then we see the text messages and tailors, the text message from Taylor says, Hey, I'm asking if you're good or not, and he

goes, I'm good, I suppose, haha, I'm asking dick wise, he goes, hey, I'm asking if you're good or not. And he goes, I'm good, I suppose. Ha ha. I'm asking dick wise. And he goes, oh, probably not. She goes, fine. I'm gonna stay with Austin. Your lame is fuck. Well, she's really, oh my God, Taylor,

you messy, messy, messy lady. Just casually. I officially cannot feel sorry for Taylor anymore. Okay, there comes a certain point where you know how elephant I don't know why I'm doing this, but you know I don't know where this is car, but you know elephants. Go for it do it. Do you believe in me in this story? Go for it.

So you know how elephants. Elephants, but it's Gerald. Okay, so elephants. Okay, long. Guys, so elephants, I don't know if you need this about elephants, but elephants, people are like, how come you can keep an elephant down with just one single rope?

An elephant is so strong, they could pull the whole house. Like how is one little spike in the ground with one little rope keeping an elephant there? But it's because the elephant was trained to just sit there when it had a rope because it couldn't get away when it was smaller. And now all you need is a little spike and it just assumes since it has a rope around it,

it can't move. You're the elephant tailor. Shep is the spike in the ground, okay? Pull away from the spike. Pull away from the spike. I'd like literally, I'm at it. Elephants now. I'm like, you did the fear self, elephant. Literally, all it takes is an effort. Make an effort. Let's talk. Texting the spike.

Let's talk to the spike. Miracles if you believe. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Everybody, sit down in your cars. I know everybody is trying to stand and go that way. I'm in your car. Just sit down, guys.

There's an elephant somewhere in Asia, walking around saying, who the fuck did this guy? Of course we pull out the spike for just very content with our environment. They're not. They're not. We tell the. Now they're talking about it.

So JT's like, come on now. Like his presence is causing complications for her and it's hard to watch. God, I hope my mommy calls me today. And she's like, maybe I should just sleep for a long, you're right. Maybe it's hard to watch. God, I hope my mommy calls me today. And she's like, maybe I should just sleep her alone, you're right. Maybe it's my fault. God, I can't wait to call her an idiot later on in front of everybody and broadly mock her. So I'm just such an innocent gosh. Gosh, I say things. I don't even say gosh. I say gosh, I mean, it's in such a quick little boy. Speaking of good little boys, now we go to Austin going to therapy

and he sits down with his therapist and she's like, so what's going on? And he's like, oh, it's really good. Like keeping busy by doing literally nothing and I'm going to Jamaica because I gotta take a vacation from doing nothing and the therapist is like, oh, okay. So what's going on?

What sort of story do you want to create for yourself that I'm supposed to believe? Oh yeah, well, let me, did I tell you this? Okay, and she goes, no, because you have not started your story. Oh yeah, so I'm going on a family, so this is like a family trip with like, it's like, shop and crack and Olivia and Taylor.

And she's like, I don't know these people, but go on, continue. You have talked to me two times. And both times have been on camera. So that's just pretend. She's smiling in him like, she's like, I guess this is a gossip sash, so lay it on me.

Yeah. Talk about performative therapy. And if anybody believes that this is real, let's get to this part where he's like, you know, just pisses me off, because I'm such a people pleaser. She's like, yeah, you know, you just get caught up in what everybody else wants from you.

You just need to learn to make yourself happy. I mean, talk about somebody who doesn't know Austin at all. Austin literally only cares about himself. I've, who has he legitimately cared about on this show? Nobody. He's not shown any genuine care for anybody on this show. Who? Austin is at the part of his fuckboy journey where he now is trying, he's in the trying to do the Austin 3.0 something, 4.0 something.

But there is the part in the journey where the fuckboy likes to be like, cute and little boy. So this is like him saying like, later on he talks about romcoms, he's just the guy in the romcom. This is like when Craig talks about like you know, Christmas and stuff like that, certain a family. Although Craig I do, I am starting to feel like Craig is a reformed fuck boy. Although maybe he would never really was a fuck boy. I think he was just Craig. But like we see with Carl. Carl very much leaning into sweet, treacle things like the Marshalls commercial he did with Lindsay. So Austin's just at that place now where he's like, he's like, oh, poor me. I'm just trying to fix myself and

I love Christmas now. That's always, yeah, yes. But it's like more than that more. Boy thing. Boy thing. Yeah, it's like, oh, I'm just so hurt by everything. I'm just such a sensitive person. Stop. And you're even only going to this therapy scene so that you can get more ass when you go to bars

because people are gonna be, oh my God, you're so sensitive. You are not sensitive, just stop. Just stop. So he's telling her, of course, you know, he's coming to be like, well, guess what? I was out with Whitney the other night,

and guess who texts me and is trying to get with me? Taylor. I mean, she's trying to use me to get to shop, which is true, but you're also using Taylor to get to shop. And you're using shop to get to Taylor, and you're using Olivia to get to Taylor and Taylor to get to Olivia.

You're using everybody. Right. Right. Well, and he's also doing that thing where he's just an innocent victim to these things that happen. And, you know, and he's like dirty, dirty girls. He just can't help it. They're just obsessed with him. He has, it's nothing to do with him.

Guys, nothing to do. Right. He's not giving any kind of energy out there. And I thought it'd be fine to hang out there. And I'm interested in him. I thought it'd be fine to hang out with her because I was with Whitney and we were like with other people. But like, I should have been like Austin. This is insane right now.

You quite literally should not respond. Like boundaries. Ha, whoops. It's always like, oops, didn't mean to. Like, that's what always happens. What happens? He's also wearing a cap that says, I love dogs. Oh my God, could you try harder? I mean, really, you're like taking the kindest animal ever, like

I'm a dog person. You don't even have a dog cutting out the therapist. There are a lot to wear that. The therapist is like, you have to listen to your intuition. I'm like, how about he listens to tuition, goes to school and gets a craft, or something that does nothing with his life? So the producers like, he doesn't have intuition, okay? He sells a grapefruit flavored beer. Fuck kind of intuition, could he possibly have?

So the producers like, do you think you have a good intuition? He's like, no, I don't think I've got intuition. So therapists is like, well, the challenge here is listening to yourself and instead of getting caught up in what everyone else wants and he goes, yeah, I gotta be more confident in my feeling. And I know it sounds funny because I piss off so many people,

but I'm a people pleaser, yeah. So when Taylor texted me to hang out, my first knee, my knee jerk instinct is absolutely, cause that's what gets me in trouble. Me just being too helpful of a person. I don't think there's a line of people claiming to have ever been pleased by us, like literally nobody. Have you ever heard someone who's like, wow!

That was a great experience. Who has left you? You know what, I needed something and I found that the solution came in the form of Austin. I'm pleased. No. I'm pleased, I'm left, bald is intuition. Nothing like, you know, nothing like having a conversation

with somebody and then feeling like your car is getting phoned up at a car wash. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's like I didn't want to make this terrible decision, but I had to please someone, because I can't help being the sort of person that pleases others, so I was forced to make a terrible decision

and ruin someone's life. Such a pleaser. Okay, so she's like, okay, but just be very clear this time with the livia that you don't want anything romantic. Trust yourself. Because this is also Austin's way, is that like he pursues her like a dog when she's not interested in him. And now that she's interested, now he's like, well, I just want to be friends. I can't

do this right now. I gotta take it slowly. Exactly. Yeah. He will know he's gonna like completely flirt with her and lead her on. And then do just what he always does start flirting with somebody else right in front of her to piss her off So he can feel like people are like really into him by the way I think who else does this is Madison which we'll get to later in hour five of this recap Literally nothing has happened in this show. We're on minute 33 why hey speaking of Madison It's being Madison. She's now she heads to the OBGYN or OBGYN in this context. Either way, she goes because she and Brett are gonna, are gonna try to have a kid and she's excited.

She never thought she was gonna do this, but she's gonna do it. I am excited about this. Here's what I like about the scene, is that the doctor comes in and her name is Dr. Toya Pound. I was like, I'm proud. I love this name. Dr. Toya Pound.

Especially when you're going in there to talk about having a baby. It's like, I'm Dr. Toya Pound. Here's my advice, Pound. Okay. I asked Dr. Pound to thank for, you just got pounded. Got pounded by the pound. You get pounded more, you're going to get pregnant. I'm telling you that right now. Okay. I bring good luck. So just pounded. Got pounded by the pound. You get pounded more, you're gonna get pregnant. I'm telling you that right now.

Okay, I bring good luck, so just pounded. Okay, so guess what? So guess what? Well, as soon as you get your IUD, guess what can happen. You can get pounded. You can get pounded. You should have gotten pounded before,

but now you can get pounded, okay? Okay, good. Well, the way this is played by the actress from Ozark plays Darling. Okay. Oh. by the actress from Ozark, she plays Darlene. So, I'm not a suspect. I'm having a papy assig, that's... That shouldn't make sense. She cracked her pelvis or something giving birth to Hudson.

And so, she's worried. And so, the doctor's like, okay, guess what? You're gonna have to get a C-section, okay. And guess what? before you do that. Better pound. You can get a pound session section. It's like a C section, but you got Dr. Pound doing it for you.

May I recommend some music while you're pounding? CCH Pounder, you heard it ear-purs, get out of here. CCH Pounder has some music, I love that. Pound? What, let's think of that. You should watch, you should watch some seals with CCH Pound. What? What's thinking about that? You were watching, you were watching some sealed with CCA's pander. Sorry, that's what I'm going to say. Hold on one second, I gotta get my daughter's delivery of pound puppies as a rat.

You've been pounded. Dr. Toya Pound. So hey, let's go to Republic. So we're at Republic and Taylor shows us. She does sing, though. What is CC, I know I've heard her sing. Right, have I? Are you thinking of, is there CC, peniston?

Poundiston. Her original name was CC Poundiston, the record company made a change, but it was Poundiston. Pound, Pound, Pound. Grammy.com, best spoken word. original name of cc poundest in the record company may change a pose poundestin uh... pound pound grammy dot com best spoken word oh okay bestie's the word or non-musical album uh... grow old along with me the best is yet to be by cch pounder cch pounder has a grammy

but i guess the song well let me see because that's how do I know that, by the way? No, she does not have a Grammy. She was just nominated. Well, not just, but she was nominated for Best Book and Word or Non-Musical Album. It was a pretty cool 65th. Grammy Awards. Does anybody care? I'll tell you who cares. Dr. Pounds. Okay. So now let's go to Robbie and Leva having a fake conversation and there I don't even believe their restaurants real just this point. I don't believe anything. Robbie. This was hilarious to me because whoever this guy Robby is, he's new.

He's sitting there talking. He's a manager. He's a manager. And Taylor comes in with a snow cap that was weak slate for her ice-leash party. And normally what happens is, whenever there's a scene and there's someone else there, there was the other person, Dr. Pound will be like, okay, well I got a check-in on some. Listen, there's a Fritada that just arrived at the front desk. I got to go check-in on that. I'm going to a frittata that just arrived at the front desk. I gotta go check-in on that and let you guys talk.

They always have some excuse. And Robby? Well, they chase their girls here. Gotta... Got a phone call. I gotta run to the back of the restaurant. There's something to take care of. I was like, come on Robby, you gotta try harder.

Gotta watch some potatoes getting lost. I'm out of here. Gotta supervise that. I'm gay, Matt. Lann also, Leva is just so bad. Like, she doesn't even care either. Why would he make an effort? She does it. So this is how the scene starts. She's like, did we get that latest shipment in? I didn't even pick up on the generic conversation point before the generic excuse to leave that conversation. Yeah, it's like well better go check things back in the back So you better do it. We're in a restaurant. Okay

Hey did that for Todd I get sent to Dr. Pounds office. Okay So Taylor's like wow, do you guys get the new Tade day chaser in I brought you some merch? Oh, Taylor's like, wow, love. Do you guys get the new Tade Day Chaser in? I brought you some merch. I'll fuck off with this Day Chaser. What are you getting big $5 for this? Get the fuck outta here with that already, Day Chaser. Leva, there's just a lot of emotions going on with Shep and I.

We share the Kiss in the Mountains and we passed out in the same bed and whatever. I know, I'm comfortable with him. It's easy. It's like this past weekend, I texted Austin and Shaft, like, what are you guys doing? After mid- I was a booty call. It was a booty call. And I was like, she was like trying to make a shock face, but she's also looking towards the exit sign like, why am I still here? Why is this girl still talking? Who put this person on TV? Listen, I'm Leva and I'm still bored by this person. Like I do nothing.

I still don't know how to pronounce this person. So this girl's boring. What's she doing on the TV? Also Taylor, okay. Listen, I'm all four booty calls. And you know what, like a woman has a much of a right to get asked for a booty call from her ex as Amanda's from his ex.

I'm totally in support of Yadayada Yada Yada. But this episode is episode season 9 episode 11. This is episode 9-1-1 of Southern term. If that's not a sign that you have to get out of the situation Taylor, then I don't know what is. Yeah, I don't know. Like I said, elephant on a spike. You know what I mean? I'm just like move elephant, even though I know that the elephant never will. So I'm sick of telling the elephant to get up. You know at some point you just let the elephant sit his ass down and you throw a few peanuts at it. I'm not so I'm dealing with it. Well, at least she has a sense of humor. At least she laughs about the fact that she tried to put you call on it failed. So at least she has a sense of humor. Because she knows that Austin is an chef probably is already telling everybody and she's looking

like a dummy. So she's like, well, I tried and it didn't work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So she's like, yeah, and then he was like, I'm headed back home and I was like, well, I'm going to stay and hang out with Austin then. Fuck you then. Yeah. I love it. It's just laughing because she's like, what is this person? Why am I talking to that? Why do I pretend to be friends with this person? So she's like, I mean, like, I don't even recognize this person.

Like, I knew her, I think. I mean, do I? Do I know her? I think I do. And but you know what, like, guys out of act out of pocket after a breakup all the time. So like, you know, they being different people every night, but as women, we're healthy, different.

Oh my God, no one's talking about holding, no one's slept, shaming Taylor. I'm ship slamming, I'm ship shaming Taylor. Yeah. You just are red. I mean, you're between ship and Austin? That's just sad, you know? Well, she says she's excited to go to Jamaica

because maybe I'll find myself a little Jamaican man. And you know, JT's like, really? You're gonna, you're just gonna go to Jamaica. I'm right here. I don't have to go to Jamaica. Commissions. Here comes one right now. So now we go to Olivia's parents house and Olivia's looking too close and everything and Robin her mom comes in and

They're like looking for stuff to where did you make? I love that Yeah, you are aware that teaching my guy you go. Hey, so much fun in Jamaica Yeah, you're not dating anybody. I you're still dating Rod what a nice boy that Austin really Olivia You're still in the Austin God That's me. What is it? She's fucking Christ Olivia Mother she's like fucking elephant She's like Olivia's like I mean I'm not trying to have more conversations about it because I don't think Taylor understands

the level of betrayal in all this, but I just want to shove it and have fun and everything. And there's all this awkwardness, et cetera. Basically, Robin is really Austin, and she goes, yeah, I know. But it's confusing for me because they're like times where I'm like, oh, he's such a piece of shit, you know? And Robin goes, yeah, no plenty of divorces that start out like that, honey. Just stop. She's like, stop.

Please don't do this. She's like, yeah, just like thinking of the dynamics is just like so awkward, you know what I mean? Yes, I do. I'm not buying this. I do know what, maybe it's just Friday and I just don't believe anything, but I think it's just also that it's episode 11

of Southern Charm and they just can't it be war with this. It's like the same thing every week. I'm supposed to believe that everybody wants to have, but I'm supposed to believe that someone really still wants to have for any reason. Really? I'm supposed to believe that Olivia wants Austin wants chef for any reason. We're gonna leave. I'm supposed to believe that Olivia wants Austin. I don't.

I don't. You can't make me. Yeah. Well, Olivia's like, this is good. I need to have a vacation from my non-occupation or day job. So I thought that too at first, but then I was like, yeah, she's going through a lot of stuff.

So I guess that's true. I'm a normal person, everyone. Still, no, I didn going through a lot of stuff. So I guess that's true. I'm a horrible person, everyone. Still, no, I didn't even mean it for that. I literally thought the same thing. I was like, oh, wow, vacation from all that. Nothing. No, it's like, oh, it's actually, emotionally she deserves it.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, you're right. You're right. But you're right, you're right. So now we go to the gym. And Austin is doing like, right, me, the shanee by the way. It's okay.

He's okay. Anything wrong. No, I should be considerate to people. the gym and Austin is doing like, it's me to shame you by the way. It's okay. He's okay. Anything wrong. No, I should be considerate to people. Sometimes I forget that people go through things, you know? Forget. Because it's also TV where they're like, oh my God, look at this tragedy that happened.

And then two weeks later, they don't really, I mean, not that they have to bring it up every single time. But I don't know. Sometimes it's like two or three weeks can seem like, we've covered a million episodes of shows between them. It just seems a long time ago. We just recap real house. I don't know how to say my name.

We have a lot of larsipipin in our system. And there's gonna be a lot of phyctom's in this. So now we're at a gym in Austin and Craig are working out and the trainer's like, how do you do bro and Craig is like good I always feel better after I leave here. Hey, why are we doing legs today and trainers like what can work? It's a warm-up, bro and This trainer just opened these guys. He's like I'm just in it for the money and maybe I can show show off on TV or something But these guys are a piece of work. These guys are literally

lifting in a bar with no way to turn it for the whole scene. Also, what every Southern charm male cast member says, why are we doing legs? Another thing I notice is poor, Bradley, okay, because I feel like the regulars on this show or the mainstays are like, I'm not shooting with someone from Southern hospitality. Like apparently they mixed Southern hospitality in with Southern charm at Bravo Con at the panel and they look pissed supposedly, I wasn't there. But I think that the newer guys,

like sure, will she with someone from Southern hospitality, but the old guys are like, no. No, we're not agree that. We're going to do our regular guy. We're gonna film with this human brick wall instead. This guy is, this guy is so over here, at one point he goes, don't hit yourself in the face with this weight by the way,

because he's knows that they will. So Craig's like, so I'm not putting on a top in Jamaica. It's just me tang tops and I might take off my shirt on the plane because, oh, by the way, Paige, I don't think she's going to be able to make the trip because I asked her and she was like, new phone, who this? Ha, ha, ha. And then she hung up on me. And I said, what about Jamaica? And she said, I don't speak English. You're going to have to call someone else. I said, yes, you do.

And then she said, no, but the text was green. It's weird, right? And I said, I was like, you know, we're more fortunate than most that we can at the drop of a hat go on trips. But sometimes she can't because she said she was going to order a Starbucks in four days. And so she had to be at the Starbucks of a hat go on trips. But sometimes she can't because she said she was gonna order a Starbucks in four days and so she had to be at the Starbucks for it. So she can't come.

Yeah, she can't come because hold on, let me read this. I hate you and your friends. So, something must be a work thing. So I was like, cross the crack. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm going to be like, yeah, well, like I'm gonna be able, like, I don't know, I'm gonna be in, like, this romantic setting

and, like, she's not gonna be there, but, like, I can't even get mad. And I'm also like, she can't get mad, but, you know, he's not going to, but I know he's really hard about it. And I'm like, if you wanna talk about it, talk to me, Creg! Pfff!

There he goes. I'm not saying there is trouble in paradise, but he can tell me if there is. Like, tell me, I tell him everything except all the secrets I don't tell him, okay? Maybe I tell him too much and buy too much too little, except all the lies you've told all season. And even, and by the way,

and just even the way he tries to plant this thing that there's an issue because I'm not saying there is trouble in paradise. I'm like, okay, Austin, nice try. Nice try. So maybe you could, I don't work out, obviously. My underarms are literally like flags in a flag. Yeah, I've already told you that time I was driving on my car and I was holding the side

of the car. What do you call that where you hold it? It's let some people hang their dry cleaning from it Too though, I mean it's like the little handle at the top of the passenger door So I was driving and I was holding that and I was in the passenger seat and I was holding that and I had the window open in this Jeep and it was blowing my underarm and it was going Really for like a flag. That's what it was. Like a bunting. Like a bunting on a. Yeah. No, like when people have like a little flag in their in their window got it or in

their car like by their antenna and it's just going down. It's like that's what my underarm was doing in the wind. Anyway, the point is, that's what my arms are like. So I don't understand working out is my point. So maybe you can clear this up for me. Why did the guys work out and keep passing a bar with nothing on it? Yes, it's very funny looking because it's like, it's like they're working out with this bar.

To be fair, that bar is like 45. It's a beta bar. It's 45 pounds and after probably the entire workout that their trainer had them do, even probably 10 pounds is rigorous for them, so I get it. It's just the opposite thing. Yeah, the optics of it are just hilarious

because of course these two have just an empty bar on it. Compared to Vanderbomb rules or something where there was like, yeah, dude, I knew I'm living a truck. So, this is probably hearing someone like, oh, dude, I knew I'm living a truck. So, this is probably hearing someone like, oh bro, I'm gonna take off my shirt. I'm gonna take it off on the plane. I'm just like, I'm down, up, down, up, down. Especially when Rod and JT were just like pushing a truck

in a parking lot, and then these two were just passing an empty bar back and forth. So, so then last night Olivia called me in the phone and I really like that she calls me at night and asked me what I'm watching and we just chat and I'm like, I really liked that a lot but I just wanna be friends with her bro. I just wanna know that, I just wanna be friends.

I'm like, oh, you're such a fucker. You really are back and now you wanna do this thing and then you're gonna pull this some shit at the end of the episode too. Oh my God, what a piece of work purposely purposely just mixing signals to someone who's really going through a lot to exactly now You're gonna use and I I didn't say this earlier because it probably would have been totally inappropriate But leave it up to fucking Austin to take someone's, the death of somebody's brother to be like,

oh my god, I totally get you and start acting like they have something, some feelings for them to just turn it around again. I mean, leave it. That's a really a piece of shit thing to do to be acting. And he is like, he's got to figure out how to be friends with him. I mean, like, how am I not supposed to have for two-h's tendencies? It's called self-control. It's called being an adult, okay?

Like, this is the whole problem, is that like, we can't keep on being like, oh, women have to act this way, and women have to behave this way, because men can't control their emotions. Like, control your emotions. If you wanna be friends with her, then don't fucking flirt with her.

Okay, it's as simple as that. Yeah, well, no, it's just gonna get worse. So, Craig's like, wait, the, bro, you're not supposed to be with your exes. Craig just can't get, you're really drove that one home with Craig. My God. I love his acud-

This is the thing he's been trying to do all season long. He's like, and this is why I think you don't hang out with exes, because when you're in the moment, you remember the good, but then the bad is still there. And the reason why, wait a minute, hey, Paige, how's the rest of it go? You don't hang out with Xs, stupid.

Oh, so don't hang out with Xs. What? I get the right page. Oh, so Austin's like, yeah, I've just gotta open up my feelings, I'm like, but also like Austin's like, yeah, I've just gotta open up my feelings. I'm like, but also like compartmentalize my feelings, because I don't want to mess with her head or my own head to be honest. No, you're not messing with your own head.

You're messing with her head and you're a fucker. Now, I don't think the Olivia's in to you anyway. I think he's using you probably for a TV show, because I don't sense anything coming from her either. Although I don't think I've ever sensed anything coming from a lady. I actually sense this war very like. Yeah, she sort of gives like flounder energy.

But, you know, the thing is that I'm getting more from her now, because I think that like, I think that she's gone through a lot and I think that she has been drawn to Austin. And I'm sensing more, I'm sensing more energy from her now than I did ever last season towards Austin But I think he is just gonna do like

It's gonna be a back and forth that he's gonna do is a total power play and it's like fucked up So Everyone's now goes to airport. Everyone's showing up Shep is helping take bags out of the van and he takes Olivia's bag. I said, Jesus, are you Diana Ross? Do you have a concert in Jamaica? No, the plenty of people confused me for her. Oh my gosh, it's Countess LeWan.

I think I'm going to compare Olivia to any recording artist. The last one is going to be Diana Ross. I'm just saying. Yeah, I didn't, I don't know where that came from. We are Olivia to any recording artist. The last one is gonna be Diana Ross. I'm just saying. Yeah, I didn't, I don't know where that came from. It just says it. It was a strange connection to make. So they're all showing up and then everyone's getting on the plane and JT is sitting next to Taylor

and sweating on the plane. Real smooth, he's real smooth with his his long game long game really kicking in there. So they get to him. Here we are. And Craig's like, wow, it is so nice to be staying at Montego Bay in Jamaica. Wow. They're getting they're getting drinks at the airport. So fucking Craig, I think Craig gets like this property over where he goes. He's like, hey bartender, we're staying up Montego Bay. Has Montego Bay. Oh, look over there.

That guy's so stupid. That's my friend Austin. He's dating that girl. She hates him. God, they're going to fight the whole time. What are you doing? Who are you dating here? Really?

Don't hang out with your exes. Does your ex work here? Don't ever do it. I sew things. When you sing Kokomo, do you sing the Jamaica part or is that weird? Do you just put in a different country? So, so then Austin and Olivia are like,

they have drinks and he's like, oh, what do you guys do? You got like, shake up your drink. Yeah, because there's like a lot of floaters on top. You shake it up. You shake it up. You're a floater on top. You're a floater on top.

Yeah. Yeah. They're cracking up and everyone's just staring at them. Like, what is wrong with these two people? They just got brain freeze. You just got brain freeze. He's like, oh, you're brain freeze. Cause like, if you're like, oh, Mexico, I wanna take it. It's like, not the same as like Jamaica. I wanna take, you know what I'm saying? So like, is that weird if you're like, if you're like, oh, Mexico, I want to take it. It's like, not the same as like Jamaica. I want to take you know what I'm saying?

So like, is that weird for you? Yeah, the fact that all these exes are hanging out without clothes. Can I have a cherry in this? And be great. Hey, I have a question. Does anyone who works at this bar, did you guys use to date? Cause like, I really don't think you should be working with your acts. It's like, now I'm going theory.

I'm trying to really push. So they go to the hotel. Okay. And Madison walks in and goes, wow, look at that. Happy Alaka. I mean, the Caesar's palace looks nothing like Caesar's. No, nothing. There's nothing like that.

You just say that with any place that has a staircase. Well, was it the stair was there a column there or something? I got the scissors palace. And the fact that she calls it the scissors palace. I don't think I wrote down the scissors palace. I don't know if that's really. No, she did. I wrote down the sea.

Yes, she said the scissors palace. I met the scissors down the sea. Yes, she said the sea's just pal. I made the sea's just pal, it's frat from television. Oh, it feels just like if they got a floor in the ceiling. It's just like it. So Olivia's got two drinks and she goes, I'm gonna like double fist it and Austin's like, yeah. You're gonna like, that means you're gonna drink one or you're drinking the other one

that you didn't even finish. Yeah, she's like, yeah. I'm gonna be like, it's like face down, she goes, um, like face. And they just giggle. What is it? How do these two get coke on the plane? That's wrong with these people. And then everyone's checking in,

and then Austin is like, God, why is this checkin' taking so long? I haven't even checked in yet. Cause he's like sitting on like a sofa, waiting to check in and Craig's like, why not? He goes, because I'm waiting, like there's not even like a lawn, like look, massive still doing hers.

And this for some reason really pissed me off. Cause Austin is the type of person to not stand by check in, to sit somewhere else and then complain that he hasn't checked in yet. It's like if you wanna check in, go go get in line so you can check in. No, I don't think he's complaining. Isn't Craig, Craig's like, go up there. He's like, no, there's a line.

Austin's just like waiting. Austin's like that type of person. He's like, why would I wait in the line? I will just wait until the desk is completely clear. I'm sitting down. Right, but you know there are going to be other people that will get in line. And so a spot's gonna open up, and then whoever's in line will get the spot,

and then also like, oh, see I can't even get a spot. They just take up, they just go so quickly. And it's like, yeah, because you didn't stand in line. Oh, it's like an Austin. So he's like, yeah, me and Olivia, like we're like two peas in a pod, but I have to be careful, bomb on the brain. Like you're not two peas in a pod. but I have to be careful, boom, boom, the brain. Like you're not two peas in a pod.

He's like, wow, I like a drink. It's like yay, dude, you like a drink. Mm, wow, you two. Two peas in a bar. Really a love story for the books. There. Yeah, seriously, wow, it's like the notebook. It's like the last page of the notebook.

It's just like the cardboard end of the notebook. It was really the lame part of a notebook. So, um, yeah, I said it. It's a notebook. It's a notebook. That's a better way to do it. So they, um, notes were books. Neither one of these two.

Yeah, you are. And then when he's asking for a presidential suite, and then JT's asking the receptionist, if she's ever been to Charleston and Craig, Craig, is, for a presidential suite. And then JT is asking the receptionist if she's ever been to Charleston and Craig is, has a fair point here. He's like checking in to a hotel is not that hard. It's like these people have never checked in to a hotel before because they're all chatting and having conversation

and asking questions that are ridiculous, like asking for presidential suite as they can. You know, they're sitting there for 45 minutes for during this process. Yeah. So then let's see Whitney wants his presidential suite, Sweet as they can you know they're sitting there for 45 minutes during this process Yeah So then let's see Whitney wants his presidential suite, you know, it's like Tiffany's a sweet mother sweet night getting I have the mother

Well, Finn Palace's mother My mother went to Buckingham Palace once Do you have a my mother went to Buckingham Palace once. Oh, so,'t. Do you want to call me? That's your call. Don't call me. I'm not much. I'm totally getting. You should definitely call me.

You want to stay here? I'm kidding. Go ahead. Go. Do you want to see some footage of me pouring some water on my chest? I have a towel. You want to tell?

Don't breathe. Just kidding. You work here. Stay. No. Everyone gets ready. Madison facembes with Rod Rigo. He's like, yeah, man.

Rod Rigo is like, I wish I would have had the time to make it. But unfortunately, I had literally so many better things to do. Like, I'm actually going to flap to New York and hang out with Paige. She was like, why don't you come hang out? All the dumdums are out of town. And you're the only one that's mildly tolerable. And I was like, you know what, you're totally right. I'm going to come see you. So we're just going to chill. And then

the ladies are coming down the big staircase and Olivia's like, oh my god, it's like the Titanic Falconing. Things, you know, I, you know, I'm, I think it's not good when people keep comparing things to the Titanic. Everyone's always says that like, it's a great thing. It doesn't end well for the Titanic. Everyone's always says that it's a great thing. It doesn't end well for the Titanic. So stop comparing it. I know, but I think it's like a great romance. So people are always like, oh my God, it's like the Titanic.

It doesn't end well, guys. It's a good news. There are cases to reference, okay? That's that, but of course someone who is only four years old. Of course, someone who would continually have a flirtation with Austin would keep forgetting the ending to Titanic. Like, of course. Did you watch the whole thing? Come on, man.

Yeah. I also would not farewell. Actually, also would be the person who'd like his first off the ship on a piece of wood and off to safety He would be the one who survives. You're like, ah, Austin again So um, they all um They're all gathering for dinner and everything and they're all they're all sitting dead They're all gathering at the table and Madison actually puts herself at the end of the table Because she does not want to be in the middle because she knows she'll get it from all sides So she just goes the end of the table. And then she steps at the chopper, I was like, where is everyone want to see it, curls? Where's me sit?

Oh God, I've gone in so many, so much trouble for where I sit. So they're all gathering. It's just like a lot of people. Yeah, basically a lot of small talk. Everyone gather as JT and Rod joke about Harry, Rod and JT's but are. Like JT's but it's really Harry. And then they get some ox tail and blah, blah, blah.

They're eating, it's pretty, it's pretty easy going, right? So then, Shep's like, wow, guys, so the last time I was in college was like 22 years ago, and if I need to, it's like, oh my God, that's old, I'm 29. And then, if he goes, yeah. And Roosevelt was president, and we just launched the second world war.

Ha, was anyone else impressed? I could not believe she actually placed Roosevelt in the World War II timeframe. I mean, even though we didn't like World War II, I was very impressed. Oh, yeah, but still, you know, I was, yeah, I was in Olivia. So is that the condescending? Yes. And I meant it. I meant that way.

So then Madison Whitney are doing a cheers and they're joking that they're having. Who cares? Well, then they, well, so by the way, when they made that joke, when they're just like laughing at chipping old chef, just has this rage smile on his face. Like he's like, I was about to tell a story

about being in Jamaica two or two years ago. He was so mad. So then food comes, there's some curried goat that arrives and they're being so obnoxious to like, I was like, what's that? Hornigo, Hornigo. And I was like, the waiter's like, curried goat.

Hornigo, what goat? Haga, what type of goat? Hornigo, I'm like, I'm just like mortified as an American. Please just stop. Every time, that's what Bravo does. It really forces Americans to apologize. And even if it's in our own minds,

it's just like I'm so sorry. Yeah, and Rod is like, well, you are what you eat. And I was like, yeah, that is true. I am a Hornigo. Just asked through the four girls here, which is just funny, because they're just like highlights. I am a hornie goat. Just asked through the four girls here, which is just funny, because it's just like highlights. I was just like, how much,

like Vanita, they just don't even pay attention to Vanita. He's like, yeah, I didn't even bother trying to hook up with you. She's like, yeah, she's like, so I must be the fourth, like, yeah, he doesn't even text me a good more. I've never even had a good morning from him. So then Craig gives a speech, and he's like, I just,

you know, like it's so great to be here. Like, Paige wanted to come here, but she has taste and, you know, it's really nice to have a group of friends who can sub in when she's not here. So like, thanks, Craig. Thanks for. Wow. Cheers to being Craig subs. I think chef said that. Master Bringer. Master Bringer. Feel her Craig. Okay. I think Shep said that. Master bring your, master bring your filler craig, okay? So then there's just like, they're eating until I just makes this like sort of like a, it's like a generic comment

because she's just, I think trying to fill the space with something. So she just goes, mm, I love food in different countries. It's so much better. And Shep goes, oh yeah, what countries have you been to? Talk to me. Just shut up. Oh, I think you met Contree.

Because you said Contree. That's what the Nass on the end. What do you think about that, kids? She's like, Contree is correct. Really? Which ones? And she goes, the Dominican and St. Lucia and Trinidad. Oh, oh, I see.

Okay, fine. We'll consider those all separate countries. Okay, uh, did you eat any goat? Huh? Because I was here when I was 22. She goes, no, I didn't eat any goat. Oh, what about Hushboppies? How about that, Taylor?

He's like really coming for her, like really questioning her stupid comment that she made. I know I say this every week and it probably gets old, but this is the show that Coke drives. None of this ever makes sense with these people. Shop is seriously raging and red and shaking, like for no reason. Like what is, what? When the world, well, the show doesn't even care. Shep goes from being like, wow, Taylor, could you believe it? She was trying to get with me again to be like, you fucking it.

You've never been to a country. You don't even know what a hush puppy is. But didn't Taylor travel with him to countries? Wasn't that the whole thing she did eventually quit her job? The only job is an orthodontal assistant. And you know, within 1,000 miles, now she's forced to work at day chase her. So maybe he was trying to get her to say, see, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have been able to try all these different foods in different countries.

You wouldn't be able to make that statement. Maybe that's what he was trying to get at. So she's like, oh, wow, thanks, Shep. Like, you've experienced so much more life than I have. Like, duh, you're a 40-something-year-old man. So, she's going on about, about Bakes, Caribbean Bakes and stuff and Shep is like, wow, I love all your knowledge about Jamaica.

This is so fun. And this is- So, the guys start doing an arm chug, like, whether they're chugging off their bicep and chips, like, oh my god, I'm gonna go take a walk down the water. So he goes down to the shore while everybody else is taking like little chugs or whatever. So then Madison and Austin go sit kind of

for like, on little couches on the beach. And he's like, look at us, on vacation together. It's like, don't call it that. We're not on vacation together. Okay, we are'm like, don't call it that. We're not on vacation together. Okay, we are. But still don't call it that. It's creepy. I'm married to a farming.

He's probably somewhere doing something important right now. So, what's up with you? Do you know nothing? Yeah. He has a go and you can tell me because I know already. And he goes, I can tell you, I mean, you're a real steel trap, aren't you, darling? Yeah. Well, I can look at you and know just exactly what's happening.

So you can tell me your bullshit line that I'll tell you what's really happening. So, really? Huh, say it then. Oh, okay, well, I'm gonna whisper it. I whisper it very loudly. I've seen your face and your demeanor. I don't know that you're in love with... a lady named Taylor.

He's like, what? So he's got, what? Yeah. So he's got him. Man, the mistakes she had. I choose. He literally shakes his head like she just squirt him like a dog who just got squirted with the water. He's, what?

Where are you going to say it? Yeah, I believe, I think they're banging him and Taylor. And I think this whole, this whole Olivia thing is- Is a distraction. A cover-up. I guess. Yeah. They just both love the drama of it. But this way it also takes the heat off of him.

And if he's like, oh, I'm really into Olivia that way, then people won't ever suspect that he and Taylor, which was last year when they have zero chemistry. Remember when Olivia at the reunion was having like this huge fitted Austin, like, how could you? Nidana man. She like spent the whole time telling off Austin. I'm like, you don't even have a relationship with Austin. What the fuck is going on on this show?

I don't think they've ever really had me think, but they both keep it so he can stay fucking Taylor. And I don't know who she is hooking up with. Hey, do you think? Who Taylor's hooking up with? No, Olivia. I think Taylor's hooking up with Austin. I think Olivia, I think Olivia's into, is into Taylor, is into Austin. I think Austin is hooking up with Austin. I think Olivia is into Austin.

I think Austin is doing something to try. I think he's doing a whole thing to... I didn't think about this until you said it, but now I think that Austin is doing a whole thing about Olivia so everyone talks about him and Olivia to distract away from him and Taylor now. That's my new theory based off of what you just put into my head. Is your new theory? Is my theory? Yes. I's my new theory based off of what you just put into my head. Is your new theory is my theory?

Yes. I've taken your theory. I'm just kidding. I have adopted your theory. I think it's a good theory, so I'm going to adopt it as well. I love you. You know, I don't mean to be bitchy. You weren't. I did think you were bitchy right there. I thought I didn't think that was a bitchy moment.

I'm obsessed with you. I'm so obsessed with you. It's not because I'm fucking Taylor. We're Austin. Listen, honestly, all I'm thinking about is my Amazon package and hoping that nothing broke when the person put it over the key. That's honestly, I'm just like,

I just want to end it again so I can get my things. Please, just let me open it up. I just want to get my, I just want to, I want to access my bits and bobs. So anyway, my bits and bobs, Austin is, he is like, she's surprised that Madison says Taylor and she's like, now I'm an Austin don't laugh. And he's like, that's not what I was expecting you to say. That's insane right now. I quite literally was expecting something

else. And she's like, well, you weren't expecting, oh, you were expecting to say that I'm still loved with you. That's why you were going to say He's like, no, Madison, hush your mouth, Madison. So she's like, now listen, I'd hate for you not to pursue some cause other people, then mother fucker ship over there is the most selfish person in the entire world. Now I know deep down you have good heart and you don't want her ship or leave you, but at the same time, do what you want for you. Now, if anyone is buying this load of horse shit from Madison

That's a bunch of bullshit to you really think she's sitting there being nice to Austin because she wants to see She set stood up to her at that party in favor of Taylor and she's like come for Shep mode and I love it She just isn't that little Madison why you know what you really should take Taylor. He to be so cute I'm just saying that it's your real, real friend. Host. So Taylor's like to the group, because should we be, um, are we concerned with the excess starting in the corner?

And Olivia's like, uh, we were literally just having that conversation. I'm like, how would you feel about your married spouse sitting there and she goes, I wouldn't feel anything at all. It's like, it's like, yeah, Chef, yeah, you're not included in this conversation because obviously, you wouldn't care. Yeah, Olivia also coming in kind of anti-Madison there. Like, oh, Madison's being inappropriate by talking to her ex over there.

Well, we are now, well, no, because now Olivia's like, Olivia's into Austin, so she's feeling, she's feeling threatened a little, well no, cause now Olivia's like, Olivia's into Austin. So she's feeling, she's feeling threatened a little bit cause Madison's talking to him. So Austin's like, okay, look, I get what you're saying. Like, at one point, there was like a thoth

and like, you know what I made a move. And I was like, well, like, maybe is there something? Like, people are like so upset because like, you know what Taylor wanted to admit that? That's why people are mad at her. She wanted me. Like she says it's like just like a couple of days that we thought it was like,

it wasn't like two hours, what a five day. We were like considering it. It was like five, she's like lying about it. She's not lying about it. You were such a prick. She didn't lie about it. She said that you guys both went to your families to talk about it.

That was the whole thing. It's just so obnoxious because this is supposed to be your friend and you're actually like, he knows that Madison's gonna say something so he's like, he knows this is gonna exacerbate it and I don't know why he is acting like he is being forthright and then she isn't like I really, I really, really can't stand how he keeps throwing her under the bus first

and then because he does it first, he then everyone's like, oh, Austin, and then she keeps on getting all the shit. And they should be equally getting shit. So he's just, he is just really horrific. But you know what, what? Why are you getting so mean to him? He just doesn't care. He's a bulls-ass.

He's just giving him shit too. He just does not care. He just keeps coming back and like charming and then doing the same thing. I think the problem with Taylor is that she just does not need charm. Taylor just shows up like, yeah, and then, and then I called him and then we were gonna hook up with any said no. And then what shucks? I was like, oh my god, you're gonna need a lot more charm to pull this off, you know. So then he's like, he's there's spittin' his charm all over everybody.

Right, and then he starts doing this whole thing. I'm like, yeah, I mean, the point of matter is, I'm quite literally a rom-com loser. I just want that rom-com ending in my life. That's all I want. Don't call yourself a dummy. You're not, so you're not a loser. You're just a dork, but that's your niche.

That's what draws people to you. They just see who is the dork who's tall, keeps getting people's ass. And then they're fascinated by it. So he's like, so he, she is using him to get back at it, chef, and he's using Madison to go tell everybody what he just said about Taylor and him having a longer relationship

that everybody knows. Yeah, it's like, this isn't my long, this is my rom-com ending. It's not Taylor. I was confused there for a second. I thought we'd buy it, but it was all for Olivia. It was all for Olivia. And so then we... So Olivia, back to Olivia, she's talking to Craig and Craig.

It's like, I know this and always you. You're talking about an ex. Olivia, back to Olivia, she's talking to Craig and Craig's like, I know this and always you. You're talking about an ex and she, well, it's like, because you're not both no, but he just talks the most negative things about her and then to see him sit in there shuffling at her jokes like, that is so fake, I can't even stand it. I mean, to be fair, what are you in awe? Same to you. You know what I mean?

Well, how long have you been going off about Austin? And now you're literally stemming their worried about who Austin's talking to? How does Craig do it? And Craig's logic. He does so many things that bother you. And I know you're not able to shake him right now. But do you think that like, you're better than that? Or like, what is it? It's like a low-key read from Craig and she's like I don't know I just I think I have unresolved feelings and she goes he's like did you guys ever have closure? Do you want to hear my theory about X's again? She goes no you know what you guys should have closure here call NoMe and break up with her it's good for you really good do it. Well the thing is with Austin is you don't

know what you're gonna to get with him. He's like really confusing and can be a little manipulative. And once again, a reminder of why I don't want him in my life in the first place. Okay. So you're going to hook up with him, and that's what you're trying to say. Yeah. So then back to Austin and Madison, he's like, yeah, you know, like, you think that I like Taylor? No, it's never about Taylor.

It's always, Olivia. Always, it's always been you. It's like, okay. He's doing a monologue. You go for, he's like the human brain weighs eight pounds. Okay, Austin. Okay. I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl,

asking her to drink some drop hop. And Jason Alexander just tried to fuck me. Okay, this might even align. It's just like a random plot from Pretty Girl. From Pretty Woman. Pretty girl. Yeah, Pretty Girl. I like Pretty Girl.

I don't know how I should put it on. He's like, you know, I want you therapy because of Olivia, because I should have ended up with her. I should have, oh, people please, her. And I'm like, well, why can't you steal? He's like, I don't know, math, and why can't I be happy with this fucking person who's fucking perfect? What am I gonna do? Pour me Austin, girl. Yeah, he really got the ship game down quick and he is just sticking to it and listen, it works. I mean,

it is working for him. Now, I will say I do not sense any chemistry from a Livian ship, a Livian Austin. They are two. And I can never forget that that might be a reason to bond. If you both eat with your mouth up and spinning food everywhere, you might have something going for you. So you know what? I wouldn't say I'm rooting for you guys, but I am rooting for you to close your mouth while you eat.

And I'm rooting for the weekend. And here we are. We've made it to the end of southern charm Everyone, thank you so much for being here and for listening. This is a big week of shows So fun. We'll be back next week. There's just even more and more and more and more stuff I can't wait for it and we're gonna catch you all on Monday Bye everyone Watch what crap ends would like to think it's premium sponsors!

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