Watch What Crappens - #227: Fighting Americans, and Fun with Beef Cheeks

Episode Date: October 9, 2015

Grab your JUB Balls because there's more fighting on "Ladies of London." This time the Americans are bickering over who gets to be Caroline's friend. Then it's on to "Below Deck" where Chef Leon has once again prepared some beef cheeks for the passengers. Things go wrong, Dane gets drunk, and everyone is passive-aggressive to each other. Come listen as Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (bsideblog.com) break down all the craziness. Remember you can support us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens And follow us here: http://twitter.com/whatcrappens http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just absolutely love to watch and talk about and make fun of and laugh about and sometimes make impromptu songs about. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsiblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me is the always funny, always lovable, always ensconced in his couch desk, Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hello, Ben. Hello, everybody.

Good day. How are you doing today, Ronnie? I'm doing so good. I'm in a great mood today. How are you doing today, Ronnie? I'm doing so good. I'm in a great mood today. No, I'm glad to hear that. I am also in a very good mood. I have now completed my odyssey to redo the bedding on my bed,

as opposed to anywhere else where the bedding might be. And I also am concerned because I just went down to Ralph's to get my Starbucks when I came back. There's a strange odor in my apartment, and I don't know where it's from. So maybe there's a dead animal somewhere under the floorboards. Or maybe the woman downstairs is dead. Who knows? Yeah, has she been knocking on the ceiling lately? Maybe that bitch died.

I know. Let me see how loud I can put my music up, and if she doesn't complain, then I'll call the authorities. Prayers do come true. Rocky got steak on a boat, and your neighbor died. Yeah, well...

Let's make dreams come true, guys. Creative visualization and prayer. Mix it. Well, guys, creative visualization and prayer makes it. So first things first, everyone keep an eye out on your podcast feeds because Ronnie and I were guests on Patty Stanger's podcast yesterday. Patty Stanger of the Millionaire Matchmaker of formerly of Bravo. Millionaire Matchmaker. So Patty was super cool, super fun, super candid. She really tells some very candid, open, honest things about Andy Cohen, about Jill Zarin.

That woman does not give a shit. She does not. You say it in a very nice way. You're like, well, she's very candid. No, that bitch trash talks, and I love it. She doesn't even care she's like i don't care if i never walk again here's what i think about you know the snowman i'm like oh my god winter's gonna be terrible bad mouthing everybody no i loved it because because she would she'd be

like let me tell you something about that snowman okay i used to be in business with that snowman all right we were gonna produce a show together and you know what that poos that he fucked me and i said go fuck yourself i don't like you stupid snowman you're only seasonal anyway but let me tell you something oh he's so handsome i would have sucked him off if i could have that's like how every story ended i would have sucked him off if i could have i helped you snowman i got that snowman so far and in the end he screwed me over i mean best sex i've ever had in my life but still what, what a dick. Love her. Be careful, though.

I will warn you this, though. I just started watching The Affair. And Patty's like, hey, does anyone here watch The Affair? I'm like, oh, I just started watching it. She's like, okay, well, in season two, she's having, now she's doing this. I'm like, oh, it was like a spoiler avalanche. So be careful. If you don't want spoilers. I mean, I know everything that's going to happen now.

But still, I kind of wanted to see it. Although every time I asked about the plot, it was about this guy who has a really big dick in season two, episode one or something. So I'm still not really sure. That's kind of a selling point. That's kind of a big penis in my future. There is. So anyway, but Patty was great. So funny.

Also, Tony Tripoli was on there. So funny. I think he's the head writer for Fashion Please. He used to write all of Joan Rivers' stuff. So really fun personalities. If you just want to hear more about Bravo, you just want to hear our voices more. We did some impersonations of Ramona and Vicky and, you know, all that stuff. So, you know, when we get excited on this show and we over-talk each other and we're trying not to interrupt each other, interrupt each other to laugh and stuff or with our own jokes.

It was like that but with six people. So you'll probably have a headache but it will be a fun headache. Yeah, my only regret is that there wasn't a camera there because there was a relationship expert. In the middle of all this, there was a relationship expert doing, what is it called, EFT? Yes, that's the tapping. And we did some therapy where we you tap yourself and uh

it was really a very interesting experience so anyway keep an eye out for that that's on the sideshow network also we're part of the sideshow network in case you didn't know from the ad at the top of the show um so uh but more importantly uh follow us on watch for crappins.com all our social media is there instagram vine ronnie just posted a new one like seconds ago, mere seconds ago. And then our Facebook page. I mean, we are closing in, people. We are closing in on 5,000.

I'm going to see how many people we have. Also, I want to say about the Vine stuff, a lot of people don't have a Vine app or care or want to even get a new app. You don't even have to get the app. Just follow us on Twitter because they work together. So anytime you hit it on Twitter, you don't even have to get the app. Just follow us on Twitter because they work together. So anytime you hit it on Twitter, you don't have to open a separate app. You can just watch

it right on Twitter. So follow at what crappiness. Yeah, and we need more followers anyway. It's pathetic. We only have 2,000 followers. What are we some podunk? I know. We're actually being really good about it. Wait, I want to give a shout out to our super sponsor.

We all know who that is. All or... The lady with the best husband ever. Jessica. It's probably still her birthday. Like, it's probably still her birthday party. They're probably in a limo, like, going over a sunset beach. Beautiful, picturesque scene. I know.

Thinking about Bravo and imagining Vicky was there yelling in her ear, telling her to get a job, even if she has one, trying to get her to come into life insurance. And then when Jessica's like, what a great birthday, I'm going to put my feet up on this seat, then Ryan's going to show up and yell at her some more. Yeah, thank you. I'm still happy, still birthday.

If you also want to be a super sponsor or if you just want to support us at the most basic level and get access to our bonus episode which we do once a week or some of the other goodies go to patreon.com forward slash watch what happens you can donate there support us it really helps us

it goes a long way every dollar counts so if you do that that's how you can help out and if you want to be a sugar mama or sugar daddy you can also see how you can be a premium sponsor there so um that's it that's it that's all we have to plug patty social media patreon done okay done did it is there any gossip we have to talk about? Yolanda got a haircut The internet went on fire

Oh wait, by the way, I just want to say Christine Verone Says that Katie, our old friend Katie Cazorla Is on the Fab Life today Oh, what is that show? It's the one with Tyra Banks and Joe Z And I think Chrissy Teigen

Our biggest fan, Chrissy Teigen Oh god And my cousin works on it too I should have told them to talk to each other and I think Chrissy Teigen, our biggest fan, Chrissy Teigen. Oh, God. And my cousin works on it too. I should have told them to talk to each other. That's cool. Well, let's watch it so we can make fun of Katie on the next one. Yeah, so everyone go check out Katie. So let's see.

So Yolanda got a haircut. Is she trying to look more like Gigi, the beautiful Gigi, and not like the other one no she got that kind of 90s uh posh spice angled down lesbian or hard model look you know like when they're hard models and they're like this bikini makes me a super killer i can kill anybody they're like all tough i wish i was I was going to say, I wish it was more like a Brigitte Nielsen. That would make me happy. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, but that's a gelled back look, right?

It's like the Caroline Manzo. It's harsh. It's a harsh posh. Hold on, I'm clicking on the link. The link that was shared. Obviously, I care enough to bring it. The link was brought to us by Michael Cook, our faithful news correspondent he's our he's our unofficial news desk he's like the ap wire he's the he's the bp wire bravo bravo

press um let's see i see if we're okay it's loading it's loading i know this is great for all of you people at home loading loading bullshit loading, I looked on my Twitter thing, or not my Twitter. What's the other one with the picture one? The Instagram. The Insta. And she's like, oh, yes, I caught my hair. And then she had one next to her beautiful child, the other other one. Anwar?

Isn't Anwar the other other? Anwar. Yes, the other other Anwar, yes. The other. The other. Yeah. She's like, he's gorgeous, but my hair is like a square or triangle coming down. It's very, not Linda Evangelista. Who's the other one from that time who had a haircut like that?

And you know what? Can I tell you something? I don't like it. I don't like it. You know why I don't like it? I mean, she obviously looks beautiful in it because she's beautiful. She's a beautiful woman. She looks beautiful in anything. I mean, the woman looks beautiful in Lime City.

This is the best this haircut can look. I know what you're saying about the Posh Spice. It's like that asymmetrical, swoopy bang that's like a dagger at the end. Right, but it's a short version. swoopy bang that's like a dagger at the end it's like a half it's a short version it's like a half kim uh kim d not kim d you know kim from posh which one was kim was she d or p she was p right how like i do i didn't do nothing huh so you had a fashion show huh so here's here's what i don't like about it it's just a fancy mom haircut okay i don't like about it. It's just a fancy mom haircut. Okay?

I don't like when models do it either. I mean, she's a model. I'm a fancy mom. A brilliant, talented, half-naked children with hair. Because then what happens is that this posh do, what always happens is it gets filtered down into the super cuts and the fantastic Sams of the world. And then what happens is you get a whole bunch of really crappy mom haircuts well you can't get new boobs and not get a new haircut it's like getting a new car and then not taking it for you know like a nice fresh bumper sticker thing in the back you have to you know you have to buy an accessory you don't ever leave with a mac you leave with a

mac and then like apple care and some headphones well i thought i thought her accessory was peace of mind no more lyme disease i don't know i just i mean she obviously looks great she looks great in it even though i don't like it she looks great in it um uh it's just it's not my favorite hair to me it just reads as sassy mom and i know it's supposed to be like what you said hard model it's like i'm trying to think of who else has it's a little bit it's a little anime it's a little you know video game character anime you know like she should be a character in mass effect or something yeah i just picture her with those slingshot like with a slingshot aiming up at a giant lime and just like pelting lemons at it you know like you will not beat me lime it's a very like 1988 calvin klein perfume

commercial abstract it's black and white she's shooting lemons at a lime well actually it's more like a slice commercial she'll just have the water coming out of her arm every time commercial you know remember those were like a baseball player would hit a ball and then like a stream of water i think i've actually mentioned this on the podcast before the splice i'm going back to the slice commercial joke pit it is do you remember when do you remember mountain dew i never drink mountain dew anymore of course mountain dew is like the legal crack like that's that's the that's how people get introduced to crack it It's a gateway drug. When I was a kid, I loved Mountain Dew.

Oh my god, those few times I got to drink it, it was like heaven. And now, I cannot do it. But Mountain Dew, by the way, has been around for decades and decades and decades and decades. I always thought it was something that was made up in the 70s, but no! No. No, Mountain Dew's a real thing

and it really makes people nuts and what about orange soda Fanta well it was Fanta orange right Fanta is it's own breed of thing but orange soda like Sunkist or Slice

to me it's all Meemaw saying it's healthy you know it's orange it's not healthy Iaw saying, it's healthy. You know, it's orange. What? It's not healthy. Wow. I used to love orange soda. Oh, my God. I used to love it, love it, love it. I should have some again.

I think the only reason I got through childhood were sodas like that. Because it was just pure sugar into the system of an exhausted person. Yeah. It's like Five Alive. Remember Five Alive? No. I don't think we had that. What's that?

That's like a fancy East Coast thing. Yes, you know, I'm surprised they didn't serve it to those Connecticut yachties on Below Deck this week. But it was Five Alive. I'll get through this quickly. Clearly, I've had some coffee because here we are talking about other crazy things um five alive real quickly was this drink that i had it mostly in juice box form but it could come in like a half gallon size and uh i think it was it was five citrus it was lemon lime sorry Yolanda lemon lime orange grapefruit I think and one other thing I could look it up

really quickly but it essentially was just like sugar water and it was delicious everyone out there who's listening who remembers Five Alive give me a high five I don't I don't I'm really sad I'm looking up right now Five Alive it was basically like the citrus i'm looking up right now five alive it was basically the

citrus version of it's not my head it was a real soda i swear oh i think it's still around you soda liar been spreading soda lies so it wasn't a soda it was just a juice it was okay i didn't know what it was five fruit juices oh why won't they say what they are the original is orange lemon grapefruit tangerine and lime talk about a waste of calories juice what the hell get your nutrients and like a bagel get out of here with your juice by the way how long until there's some sort of hipster booze that's served in juice boxes right you know they already have i feel like they already have a caprice well first of all there's like some sort of a box of wine now, but it's not big like a Franzia.

Now they try and make them fancier, and they all come in things that look like little juice boxes. They don't have the Pocon Straw, I don't think, though. Well, then that's not the same. Well, my mom does it. I mean, I guess my mom's already invented that. Well, there is that thing that went on to Shark Tank, and then then they rejected it and he became a multimillionaire. What's it called? Coupe of, you know, whatever.

It's a glass of wine that's sealed on the top and you just tear off the top and you have a glass of wine ready to go. Well, good for him because that's the only way to make money is when you're not involved with Shark Tank. Because they're like, we'll take 70% for our investment, 10% for our time. It's like you're paying for your own child labor at the end of that deal not a good deal Shark Tank people it's true speaking of sharks

not even sharks being because this entire episode of Ladies of London is women trying to sell things it's like one long it was a Shark Tank episode it was like a thoroughly polite shark tank um so well we act the show actually begins on a very miserable entrepreneurial note which is the opening montage i get around london get around london doing things ladies and then all of a

sudden it gets it gets silent and we see rainia and she goes like bad news mom bad news the bag they can't make them in time caroline's like get out of my office polly i am going to train one of you how to use amazon prime what the hell is wrong with this company you go to amazon you see a picture. You press click. Send to address. It's done. What is the problem? Get Valentina. Valentina.

Valentina. Valentina, get the laptop. Pauline, get the charger. Rainia, watch. Valentina, bring some paper towels and some Windex to wipe the shock off this woman's face, please. Rainia, get your shots because we're taking you to the Amazon. But I love that.

That was so good. I can't make the bags in time, mom. And her voice was like extra deep. It was like, I mean, deeper than I can even get my voice. And she's so cute. Like that lady is so fucking cute and her squinty little like she has squint kind of squinty eyes that are trembling at all moments like she's about

to cry like in a disney movie when a little it was like the great it's like it's like the great mouse detective it's like the one of the peons speaking to that that big bad rat you know that was my text message by the way i love her and it's like this cute woman. And today, her hair is all shiny and pretty. And she was all glowy because of the opening filter. And then, bad news, mom. Oh, no. Bad news. My friend just sent me a picture and said, look who I met last night.

And I have no idea who it is. Isn't that funny? That's probably how all of our friends feel. I know. It looks sort of like the girl from Scream, whatever her name was. So that was beautiful. Yeah. We got trouble, Mom.

Bad news. They can't make him in time. Pauline, Pauline, go to the factory. Valentina, start the conveyor belt. Valentina, hire someone named Amber. I'm sick of saying your name. Stand outside and wait for Prime, darling. Check it on

your cell phone. Don't forget to turn on your location this time. You goddamn moron. I have to do everything myself. Valentina, go to the storeroom. Find a bag. Pauline, put the bag in a wrapper. Slowly, slowly, slower. Amber, slowly, slower.

Amber, unwrap it. Put it over your head. Valentina, have her breathe deeply until she can't breathe anymore. Thank you. Pauline, go to the immigrant on the corner. Buy five of the bags out of his trunk. Valentina, put them in different boxes. Rainia, sell them.

Go. Now, I don't want to see your faces unless I'm going to fire you. I love that we opened with that. And, yes, the girl power music was so good today. All across the board, it was very good. Driving. Girls with power are driving through the city.

Boom, boom, boom. Girls driving. And then the next. I'm bringing hot dogs to England. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I just hope people like my hot dogs. And then we have Caroline Fleming talking to her dogs.

You were outside. You had the longest walk, and then you came inside and had a poop and a pee. Oh, you know where you're going next? You're going to the kitchen to have more food. Well, another exciting arc for Caroline Fleming. I like when she said, you're going next? You're going to the kitchen to have more food. I'm like, well, another exciting arc for Caroline Fleming. I like what she said. Y'all going to boarding school.

I thought, you know what? That is why less people in that country kill their parents than they do here. Like, hear their stories all the time. Children kill their parents. Not there, because they have to go to boarding school. They don't properly hate their parents because they're not there half the time. I'm excited for those dogs. They're going to come back with a whole bunch of magic spells because you know

she only sends things to like Hogwarts. She doesn't send them to boarding school. Caroline Fleming, straight to wizard school. Dogs, children, even when she returns things, she's like, oh, this scoff simply does not work. I'll send it to wizard school. This poo-poo still is coming

out in the kitchen, but at least now I can wipe it on my face and feel the tingle of magic. You can't see my face right now because it's hidden behind a wall of little puppy poo-poo magic. Unfortunately, some of my

spells have gone awry, which is why I have a bookshelf in the middle of my dining room table and a dent in my bench. I haven't figured out how to reverse those spells yet. Hopefully the dogs will learn something. Yes, I know. It's a construction site, but I'm wearing magical flip-flops. These aren't just Fritos. They're magical Fritos that give you the spirit of Christmas all year round She is like a little sprite She is Like her little fairy trails Those gold chocolate coins

You know, that just drop on the poor people at weddings She is definitely someone who exists solely in a Christmas special from like 1971 you know like she just walks in like children it's Christmas time gather round the fire we're going to learn things and spread the will because Saint Nick is going to be coming through the window soon and that's all she's like girl it's July I know but Saint Nick will be here soon

enough in six months now the Christmas specials and I watch them every year with my mom these Christmas specials now are trying to modernize. So everything's like, the economy's tanked, and your father lost his job, and your mother's addicted to meth. And it's Christmas. Let's learn how to love each other anyway. Oh, come on.

Give me some Carolines and InvisiFlops. Exactly. I saw an awful Christmas movie about beautiful chorus that is the world. I saw an awful Christmas movie about a year and a half ago called Single Santa is... Oh, no, like Santa... It was like a... I forget what it was.

Like Santa desperately in search of Mrs. Claus or something like that. Like, you know, it was like a personal ad because the thing was at that time I was writing a movie.

It was a spec script called santa is single it was about santa being single and um you know he moves to la to find mrs claus has had left him because she's sick of being ignored and because he santa has issues like that so he moves to la to find a new wife so then i this thing was on the hallmark channel i was like well i gotta watch this to make sure there's no overlap etc so it was this christmas movie starring judge reinhold was it judge reinhold yeah no i'm sorry steve gutenberg and crystal bernard and steve gutenberg is like the son of santa and he falls in love with crystal bernard in the middle of like a wacky you know modern life where no one believes in things anymore it was so awful well i like how it

relates to ladies of london because that's totally how juliet feels she's like my husband is gone like i don't know like a night like a month out of the year or something like flying all over the place and when he's here he's just like making toys like i'm in this neighborhood stuck with all these poor people like i'm happy she is essentially the crystal bernard of this show let's not get it wrong let's not get it twisted if this show were cast by the same same same actors of wings she'd be played by crystal bernard i like kind of mixing that up because i think amy from blow dick and her kind of mix up because crystal bern Bernard also has like a

bimbo lightness to her but also a hot edge because she deals with strong men in the 80s. That's right. And in the Santa movie she was like an advertising executive and she was like trying to figure things out and things were hard and whatever.

So also but we still are in the same Ladies of London opening montage. We're still with Ladies in Traffic, literally. Like, we're still in the Girls of Traffic section. So Julia's sending out her job. And then we also see my favorite, actually, was Annabelle having tea with Granny. And she's like, I'm going to have mine laced with sugar and milk. It's the French way.

Rock and roll. Rock and roll. Rock and roll. I let this tea stay in the hot water for an extra 90 seconds, mom. Rock and roll, bitch. Instead of using a sugar cube, I just put it in all loose. Rock and roll, Rebel Alexander. Sometimes Alexander used 2% milk instead of half and half Rebel, I was his muse

Grandma, we're not going to drink this tea We're going to inhale the vapors until it's lukewarm Rock and roll, grandma You know, drinking this tea laced with sugar and milk Reminds me of when I was a child And every time I wanted tea this way They put a dunce cap on my head. But not anymore, I'm a rebel!

The first time I had tea I spilled it. That was the ninth time at boarding school. They put me behind a wall and asked me to go to a therapist until I could drink tea properly with three cubes and half and half. I was a troubled child. I was always burning myself on purpose with tea sometimes i'd have sometimes i'd have english morning tea in the afternoon because i'm a rebel you can't even do sad horns with her because she's too classy you have to do like violins but not even violins because that's too classy and she's rocking so like like garage band violins yeah instead of it's she had a hilarious episode so this woman has basically become Natasha from Bullwinkle, from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

She has become the villainess. I mean, I know those things would pay off. Well, I actually don't see her as the villainess. I feel like they're trying to actually make her the mother hen of this group, which is very strange because she seems like she can barely tolerate any of them. Maybe the mother gerbil who's like, eat the other babies. Eat the other babies. Eat the other babies. Eat it slowly. Slowly.

Rainier, what have you learned from the gift shop? How can we sabotage it even further? Good news, mom. It's tanking. So good. So good. Anyway, we'll get to that. Yeah.

Because right now we're in second 37 of the show. Yeah. Okay. So somebody, is this a Juliet show the sister-in-law is Sophie right Sophie so what happens is after we come out of the montage Juliet

is in her car and she's like in a huff and she's getting into her car and she's racing over to Caroline's over the poor bridge she's like hello poor lake hello goodbye poor town yeah She's like, hello, poor lake. Hello. Goodbye, poor town. Yeah. She's in her pumpkin driving across to Caroline into Richland.

And she's in a state. And for a moment, I actually thought she was mad. Because she goes, she's like, you know, in this town, rumors get out so quickly. And so I'm going to Caroline. So I thought, oh caroline said something about juliette and juliette's mad juliette's gonna go confront her the music in the car yeah it was like the mixture of your uh coconut music with dramatic it was like fat clown mixed with drama well because the producers were like should we make this a silly scene or should we make this like a scary scene? Why don't we just cut the difference or whatever?

Yeah. She's being bipolar right now, so make it an angry clown. Yeah. So Juliet shows up. And her main issue is that she's still upset about the fact that Julie outed what Juliet had said to her about Caroline. Because Caroline had called Juliet and said, I'm going to wipe the floors with you. I'm going to destroy you. I'm going to cut you down. Whatever.

So Juliet had told Julie this. And then Julie told Annabelle this, and Juliet was mortified because she wants to be seen as a loyal peon to the Brits, right? Yeah, I mean, she never said that Caroline didn't say those things. Well, she said that Caroline was saying it as a joke. Yeah, which she was, but also not a joke. Yeah, so Juliet is doing damage control. So she races over to be like well you know um so i tell julianne yeah then the beginning of this scene was so funny because

caroline meanwhile is like losing her business and things are going terribly for her so she's in a terrible mood anyway and juliette comes in and she's like a a kid that just pissed on the floor basically she walks in and she's like wringing her hands and kind of looking like her head's like moving back. And she's like, hi. What is it? Just sit. Sit. Stop doing that.

I made a mistake. I just told Julie in passing in yoga how you threatened to like line my family up. And she was all in the head in the middle of the head but um I'm just kidding like I don't know she's took it serious it's like darling sit down I'm gonna explain something to you you're an idiot just don't speak ever don't ever speak here's what you do all right next time you think about speaking just throw yourself in traffic all right great thank. Thank you. Good talk. I'd like to give you

some advice, but we'll do it on those yellow lines in the middle of the road. Alright, hobble out there now, rain man. Hobble out. Hobble out. Darling, when you leave tonight, please don't take the elevator. Just throw yourself down the stairs. Alright, thank you. So, as defense...

Valentina! Valentina, go clear away Juliet's carcass. Thank you. Pauline, get a body bag. Thank you. Raina, please. Everyone else is outside. Please get Amber to go wipe down everyone who's been cleaning up body fluid. I don't want Juliet back in this office, darling.

She'll probably even find a way to talk as goo. Bad news, mum. The cops are here. They're asking questions. Alright, tell everyone Polly and Janet goodbye. Thank god we've taken on Amber. Frame the bitch. Alright, everybody clear. Clear the office.

They're loading a body into a lorry. Get out. So good. Okay, so after all the, you know,oline's defensive when it comes to her everybody's attacking me or whatever but at the same time though doesn't get you know i love that she just blows she knows how juliet is and she's like you're a moron all right moving on well because i mean in all reality she probably said those things to juliet because she was pissed at she was annoyed with juliet she probably said it in a dry joking way she probably was annoyed but she was being dry and

then juliet because she is a drama queen probably then calls up julie like oh my god caroline was so annoyed to me then she said this and that and then at this point that's caroline right there be like you have it all wrong no um hon Honk. Honk. Honk. Pauline, pull the car forward. Valentina, honk it. Honk until that truck of mini hamburgers moves out of the way. Pauline, stay away from the hamburgers. You're too big.

You're lucky you still have a job here. Pauline, call someone to peel Valentina out of the hamburger truck. Valentina, call emergency services. Pauline is wedged in between three hamburgers. Pauline, get your hand out of the vending machine. Bad news, Mom. We didn't pay the insurance last month. Bad news, Mom.

We got out of the hamburger truck, but an egg salad truck pulled up next to her. She's fully engorged. truck but a egg salad truck pulled up next to her she's fully engorged um so valentina get a tow truck just take her out to the yards uh all right so moving on no no what i was gonna say though is that it's obviously a game of telephone and you know caroline is like it's julie being a drama queen about silly things because julie takes everything so seriously and so personally. But to be fair, but it's like compounded because Juliet was being a drama queen. And then Julie hears it and it's probably its worst state. So then Julie was like, oh, my God, HSP, high sensitivity personality.

And then Julie tells it. But when Julie said it, she didn't even say it like, oh, my God, this is what Caroline said. Julie used it as just like an example to Annabelle. Like, oh, oh yeah i mean caroline's like a little she's like she can be rough like i mean she even said to you to be fair julie did not say it in a crazy way at that conversation so but then juliette is all self-conscious and now juliette has now like but the thing that makes it crazy on julie's end is that she doesn't just drop it. Like, the point isn't that she said it. It's that she's just – Julie's – okay, Julie's a classic case of, what? I don't know what you mean.

Juliet, you told me she wanted to murder your family, cut off your baby's head, eat the brains out with a spoon. I mean, what's the problem? So what? She said it. Well, actually, the – but I'm still going to stick up for Julie a little bit here. I don't think she's evil. I really think she's sensitive. But the thing is that

when Julie mentioned it in a matter-of-fact way and Juliet was like, what? I never said that. So then Julie is confused and she's like, no, you totally said it. How could you? Juliet should have been like, oh, no, I mean, when she said it, she was joking. Juliet did not handle Julie properly. But the point is they're both crazies and so when it

finally comes over to caroline caroline is like flummoxed she's like what the fuck i just like made a joke which is why it was hilarious that's why caroline's like how long have you been friends with julie she's the village fucking foghorn. Pauline, shut down the foghorn. Valentina, get the ship out of port. You can't take back a dick pic and you can't take back a job. Right? Don't say anything to her.

Right? And then Caroline's just like, you know, I just love that she then just dismisses Julia. She's like, she's like a cave person. Rainier, get the cave person out of thees Juliet. She's like, she's like a cave person. Rainier, get the cave person out of the gift shop. She has no business being here. Pauline. I'm sorry, Ben.

I had no idea. I loved that she was so What was I going to say? Damn it, because I interrupted your Pauline. Now I need to know what Pauline was going to say. Pauline, send her back to the Museum of Natural History where all cave people belong. I like that she was bringing up cartoons

because she's just a cave woman. You know, it's like grab someone by the hair, bash them against the wall, make a pretty picture with them and drag them inside like bam, bam. Yeah. She's like a regular Fred Flintstone, you know. She's the type of person who will just make a big noise,

and then you shut the door behind you, and then she bangs the door until you let her out, and then you have to put out a cat, and then she's still mad. Until it's just a Barney, darling, let's face it, following around Fred, wondering why he's carrying that big stick, but supporting him nevertheless. I mean, she's just like a typical American, you know? She always wants to eat more than she can handle,

more than her car can handle. She wants bigger and bigger ribs until the next thing you know, her car's flipped over on its side. I mean, typical. Oh, Flintstones. Pauline! Pauline, put the car right side up.

Valentina, take away the ribs. Valentina, I'm with Americans today. Get a steak so gigantic that it tips over the car. Valentina, make sure there's no floor on the car so we can go at maximum speed. Thank you. Pauline, have Valentina stop licking the steak.

Alright, Raina. Valentina, please grease up the dinosaur so Juliet can slide off it quickly. Thank you. Bad news, mum. Dinosaur gone extinct. Well, then I don't understand how Juliet's going to get off work. I mean, what's she going to do, just walk over here?

No, she needs to slide down a dinosaur. Get her a slide. Someone, Pauline, find her a slip and slide and put it on a hill, okay? Anything can be sold with a game of bowling, mum. Bad news, Mum. There's no floor in the car. It's not going to work properly. Well, that's the damn point now, Rainier.

I mean, what are you thinking? Bad news, Mum. We couldn't afford to feed that bird any more pellets and no one will know when it's time to stop working. Bad news, Mum. Lost a spare set of keys. Bad news, mum. Lost a spare set of keys. Juliet's locked out. For God's sake, just give her a cat, all right?

Do we have a cat? She looks like that mangy cat just waiting outside the stone home, you know? There's nothing even going on in there, but, you know, just leave her out there. So good. That is, Mom. The cat jumped through the window. Oh, my God. All right, so then, let me see here. Marissa, oh, so Marissa,

we're not restaurant tourists because my husband is a restaurant tourist. We get the chef's table. And it's, you know, in the walk-in closet right next to the box of like week old, you know, baby field greens

or what have you. Yeah, eating in the kitchen, it always sounds fun, but real kitchens smell like bleach, bar rot, and you know, nachos. Yeah. Meanwhile, the restaurateur is like,

here, let's put this American downstairs away from the general public. All right, thank you. You're not quite ready. Your accent isn't quite ready for public consumption, so we're seating you in the kitchen so you'll feel more comfortable. It'll be hard to digest if you know everyone around you hates you. In general, we have a policy that we don't enjoy people in our dining room who've been in the Sunday Times with a hot dog in their face,

so you'll be downstairs in the basement. And then I love Marissa's just like yammering on. Your parents don't know how to eat a hot dog as you were licking it sideways. You're eating in the kitchen until you learn how to use a fork. Fun fact, a raccoon once died while you're eating in the kitchen Until you learn how to use a fork Fun fact A raccoon once died while you're eating So Then Marissa's yammering on

I'm just so excited about making a restaurant I want to make a Korean restaurant Next Next Korean This bitch is going to do a Korean restaurant. I mean, just get out of here. She's like, I want to make sure that we're not ignoring the children because a mother's work is just as important as hot dog stands. So I want to make sure I still get to, like, play with the kids.

He's like, yes, darling. You'll still take care of the kids. All right. Let's open a Korean place. That's like another yes, darling. You'll still take care of the kids. All right, let's open a Korean place. That's like another low effort restaurant. You just throw a goldfish in a fryer and you're done. Put it with a side of sauce. They do all the cooking for you.

It's great. Let's open a Benihana. So she is talking about her restaurant, which is cute, I guess. Yeah. And I like when she said, I do love that her husband's so supportive and stuff. He's like, yes, dear. Open a hot dog stand. You're a foodie, dear.

I mean, hey. And I, by the way, as much as we make fun of her, I love hot dogs. I love going on Dog House in Burbank. I love it. So, you know, we talk shit, but, you know, next time I go to London, I'm totally going to Top Dog. I'm really lucky because I have a husband who pushes me. It's weird because whenever we're around stairs, he gives me a little push. It's so cute.

Just to remind me that he's pushing me. He's so kind. He bought me a restaurant. The basement used to be cat you know, the basement, it used to be catacombs as recently as yesterday. It's so sweet. Thankfully, it's a hot dog stand, so all we

had to do was clean up the animal pots, and then put them in some sausage casing, and boom, add a little mustard, lick it sideways, and it's a hot dog. So then, uh, Annab and julie meet up to talk about caroline um and basically i mean nothing really funny happened the scene it was basically well this is where she begins her this is where julie starts her craziness yes this and annabelle comes

in all positive she's like juice yes rock and! I'll mainline some carrot juice, you know, add some baby spinach in there, rock and roll. Rock and roll. I'll have a sandwich, please. Well, the closest we have is an avocado toast. Yes, a sandwich with only one piece of bread. Rebel! Rock and roll sandwich! Rebel nation, darling. So how are you?

She's like, well, you know, and Julie starts going on, and then Annabelle, like, kind of deflates. She's like, well, you know, and Julie starts going on. And then Annabelle kind of deflates. She's like, well, I was in a positive mood. Thanks for killing that one. That was the first time this year that I haven't had seasonal disorder, seasonal depression. Thank you. Thank you for ruining it, Julie.

But this is where she began her evil. And not evil. You know, it's silly. Because obviously she doesn't like caroline and she's basically trying to get her team together she's like come together team let us get in a huddle now here is why you're angry with caroline because julie's like well you know i mean she's just caroline i'm gonna buy her a present why would you do that why would you buy her a gift don't you remember what she did to you well that was that's like a way ahead of time but basically in this oh it is what happened in this

one no in this scene is when julie is saying that um she's just like unsettled by everything and annabelle's like listen don't be intimidated you have to tell her that you you don't like the way she talks to you and you know she can't take back apologies and you know you have to stand up to her you know she basically is telling her to stand up to her and Julie's like yeah I'm gonna stand up to her I'm going to I'm gonna do that I mean I'm nervous because I'm HSP so I really am nervous

but I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it yes yes this is I don't know if this is the first time we've discussed this but it's the first time I noticed it, and once I saw it, I could not stop seeing it. Annabelle is being played very well, best performance of her career, by the way, by Winona Ryder.

She looks exactly like her. Have we talked about that? We have not talked about it. I haven't thought about that. She's the future Winona Ryder. Meet Shannon Doherty. Meet Shannon Doherty. I think she's got...

Oh, she does have the same space between her eyes as Shannon Doherty. Yeah, she does. And those perfectly round little eyes. Yeah. But I've always loved Winona Ryder, and I was really upset when she had to quit acting after she stole a scarf or something. Yeah.

But she's back. She was just in that HBO miniseries, Show Me a Hero. She had a Yonkers accent. I hope they do a movie about Alexander. Alexander. Well, she was in Black Swan also. I inspired Alexander to steal a scarf.

All right. So then we go to Caroline Fleming. And guess what? Caroline has a friend come over. And guess what the friend's name is? Caroline! It's our third Caroline. This is Caroline Dolby.

Not to be confused with Caroline Fleming or Caroline Stanbury. Okay, I'm looking through notes, looking through notes. So this was like, her friend is like a therapist. The slow-hugging therapist? Okay, wait, hold on. I have to get to that. We're a slow-hugging therapist on I have to get to that We're a slow hugging therapist I know it's in here

Slowest hugging therapist I've ever seen Hello darling This long embrace Of death hug Embrace death darling Caroline Fleming is like Happy holidays to you I hope you have a wonderful holiday season.

She's like, it's January. I know. It's the first day of 360 days of holidays. It's not Jesus's birthday. It's the founding of Hogwarts. It's Christmas somewhere, right? No, no, it's not, actually. There's a parade of fairies, dragons, giant spiders, and big, hairy, fat ghosts.

You just can't see them. Here, I got you this toy. It's made of wood entirely, and it represents a little man in a car. It's from my workshop. Please enjoy. Goodbye now. So did they go into the whole therapy thing or is that later no so yeah what happens is that caroline fleming says it's so good it's so good to have caroline around to talk to

since i don't have a mother so i have someone i can show i would i recommend therapy for everyone everyone gets therapy merry christmas to all and to all a good therapy session and she's like and she's like i know i just love being able to talk with her. She helps me with so many things. And the woman's like, well, you know, Caroline, I was thinking about the last time

and Caroline's like, I have to interrupt you because I met someone and she's opened my soul and he's younger than me and, you know, it just feels so good to have, you know,

a woman of needs. And then she, like the therapist kept on trying to talk and Caroline Fleming kept on talking over her. She never let her talk. It was so funny. And she was acting like the therapist, too, which was so good.

I had to write this down. By the way, this is not to be passive-aggressive, but I do appreciate the irony of you interrupting me to say that she never let her talk. I'm like, and then you go, and she never let her talk i'm like and then you go and she never let her talk no but all i was gonna say is that i suspect that a lot of those interruptions were created in post-production oh you think so yeah i mean i think there was like one i hope it's really like that with her it probably is too i mean it's probably a mix but i kind of got the feeling like they were making it look a lot worse

than it was. Because they really made Caroline Fleming look extremely self-absorbed. And she's probably only kind of self-absorbed. But the reason I interrupted you is because you go on a long sentence and you're about to end the entire scene and I've got like a whole thing of No, I wasn't. I wasn't about the scene. I wasn't about to end the scene at all, Ronnie.

I quit! See, if you let me get to the end of the sentence, you'd hear that I wasn't going to end it at all. You would have known. You would have known. That there was not going to be a fade out on the scene. No, there was no fade out. There's plenty of Christmas for all of us, Ronnie. I hope that they were not cutting that to make her look like that because it was hysterical.

I know. So then the next scene. No, I'm just kidding. You bastard. So I had So then the next scene. No, I'm just kidding. You bastard. So I had to write this part down. My lovely girlfriend Gazelle, my dearest, did a reading for me. She told me I was going to meet someone, a true love. And then there was this inner voice and it started speaking to me.

And my antenna was springing out the therapist is like well the thing I've always said about antennae my heart is open he has a gigantic heart

you know what I mean you know when he gets excited I can't notice how big, thick, and erect his heart becomes. It's amazing how he gets such a big heart on when he gets excited. She was so funny in this whole scene, and I would like to think that everybody's like that in therapy, because you're not necessarily always paying for advice. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to your bullshit, you know? I feel like every time she talks, the music from Peter and the Wolf should play. Remember that? Remember Peter and the Wolf?

Yes, of course. This kind of did twist the image on her, though, because it made her look so hilarious, but also just as self-absorbed, just in a fake rich hippie way. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you know, by the way, when she's talking about, like, I have a new friend in my life. I've really enjoyed spending time with my new friend. You know it's just like a rabbit that's, like, started to come to her doorstep. It's like a little rabbit that she gives a carrot to. She's like, he's so much younger than me, but I feel so fulfilled by our relationship.

And I sing to him at night and he comes by for extra carrots. Rabbit age means nothing. Nothing. I don't give a shit. There, I said it. I don't give a shit. I read Watership Down. I understand what he goes shit. I read Watership Down.

I understand what he goes through. So good. Love her. All right. So what's the next product? She doesn't have a product. No. Did she mention a product?

Yeah, she doesn't have a product. She doesn't have to hawk her product on Ladies of London because her product already is legit over there, I think. So the next thing that happens is that Julie, speaking of products, we see Julie in her tiny apartment packaging more job with her daughter Emma. And she's like venting to Emma about Caroline. She's like, oh, like, I don't know. I mean, Caroline's so mean. I have to say something to her. But like, I don't know. I just get so nervous.

And I just don't know what I should do. Like, maybe I should talk to her. No, mom. Don't. Don't talk to her, mom. No. Mom. Don't. Don't talk to her, Mom. No. Mom, all right. I'm British, and you're not.

All right? This is the way you do it. This is how you handle it. Okay? This is what you say to her. Nothing. Ask her about the weather. All right?

And if she says it's cloudy, then you know it's okay. But she's mean. I mean, look. The sensible thing to do would be to confront her at a party or something, right? Just walk into the middle of a party and confront her. Right? I don't know. I was like, maybe I and confront her, right? I don't know, it's like, maybe I'll get her some flowers, and, you know,

then she can have the flowers, and then if she sneezes in them, then I, you know, then I'll, you know, that'll be terrible, because she'll make, oh my god, I'll never hear the end of it about the flowers and her allergies. Maybe I shouldn't get a flower. Maybe I should get, like, um, I don't know, a card? But what if she gets a card? What if she gets a paper cut? I mean, I don't know, Emma, what should I do? Do you think I can get pregnant again? I mean, it's something if you give them a baby. I mean, I don't know, Emma. What should I do? Do you think I can get pregnant again? I mean, it's something if you give them a baby.

I mean, I can't do the firstborn because I've already had one. But, you know, I could give her another one, like the fourthborn, fifthborn. Come on. Maybe I should make her a sandwich. You know, it's like a little bit of our family to her because we are going to be the sandwiches. And I don't know. The sandwiches. I want to give her one of those long cutting boards that goes over a counter so the counters never get dirty.

You can just take it right off and wash it in the sink with a little bleach. Oh, but then she doesn't cook. Maybe she'll think I'm making a commentary about how she doesn't cook. I mean, I don't know, Emma. I'm just so nervous. I mean, you're like my best friend, right? Mom, I'm 16. I need to go to writing school.

I don't know. Mom, please stop talking. Mom, you're embarrassing the family name. Just go back to Mapperton, please. Just go back to the cafe and work behind the register. Just get out of here. I'll take it. Mother, I'll go talk to Caroline, all right?

Caroline, mother says hello. Good day. Goodbye. Mom, great news. It's fixed. Bad news, Mom. Bad news, Mom. The daughter has stapled the mother's mouth shut, Mom. Bad news, Mom. Bad news, Mom. The daughter has stapled the mother's mouth shut, Mom.

Bad news, Mom. The sandwiches are coming over with gifts. Oh, good God. Send them a $10,000 letter opener and then bring me a gigantic dumpster. Valentina, roll that dumpster away from your desk with your luncheonette and into here. We've got a lot of things to throw away. Pauline, stop throwing up into that wastebasket and bring it over here so I can throw Julie's gift into it.

Has anyone bailed out Amber yet? Don't do it. Don't do it. Let her spend some time in there. She'll learn. She'll learn everything, all right? How do you think... Where do you think I found Rainier, all right?

So in this scene also, Julie... Well, I mean, I know. I just care too much, But it's a disease. And if you look it up, it's there. It's called HSP. And it means highly sensitive personality. And I have that. And if someone raises their voice to me, I just end up in tears.

I can't help it. Wherever I go and I need to use the restroom, I look for an HSP sign. And if there isn't one, I start freaking out. I just started to go on myself. Mom, please stop peeing on yourself every time we go to the opera. Mom, do shut up. By the way, it occurred

to me as she was talking about her jug balls, has she thought about the fact that jug balls means Julie's unbelievable balls balls? Oh, that's true. Well, there are two balls. There are two balls.

Balls, balls. Oh, my God. I can't believe I went through this entire branding process. I didn't even think about that. We would not invest in American with good grammar. Part of what we love about you is that you just don't care to learn. Now, please step inside our office. So then

I believe the next thing we see is Sophie. Sophie marching down the street, which gets me excited because I think she looks so glamorous and wonderful, so I love watching her just walk down the street. And then she goes into a coffee shop with Caroline. I can't have coffee. I'm

off alcohol. She was like, Caroline ordered a like she no she's like caroline ordered a coffee and she's like darling aren't you in detox and she's like yes so well oh oh i'm sorry i was just alcohol yes coffee coffee there's no alcohol in coffee so he's like i'm so sorry of course there's no alcohol in coffee as she like puts away her little list of things i don't ingest Meanwhile Sophie's hiding away her little flask She's like no of course not no alcohol in coffee I've never tasted your coffee when there's not alcohol in it

Well you know That's not how they make it I mean who do you think I am A common Irishman like Rainier No Pauline get the alcohol out of my coffee. If it's not Jack, what's in it then? Avocado,

banana, and caca. Caca. Valentina, please come swallow this caca for Sophie, darling. Valentina, I need a banana, an avocado, and cacao. Rainier, we're going to need someone to clean up Valentina's face. She's dripping caca. Bad news, mum. Pauline spilled all the cacao. Raina, we're going to need someone to clean up Valentina's face. She's dripping cacao.

Bad news, mum. Pauline spilled all the cacao. Well, then get extra avocado. Bad news, mum. It's out of season. Oh, my good god. Do we at least have some banana? Valentina swallowed this for soup. Valentina, here's what you do, okay?

Bail Amber out of jail Send her to the supermarket Have her steal some banana and some cacao Give it to me and then send her back into jail Well, you know, I just don't understand Why everybody's against me You know, first they do this and then they do that And then I have to deal with the business And they could foreclose on me at any moment, darling

I was like, what could they take? They could take Valentina, darling. All right, she doesn't know it, but a dolly could come here any moment, strap her to it with a punching cord, and just roll her right out, darling. She'll probably be chewing on one of my pencils as she leaves, you know. I'm not going to be able to give that back to the bank. Thanks a lot, Valentina. Paulina, chase Valentina down to parking and get the pencil out of her mouth.

Bad news, Mum. This word just got in from Amber in jail. Turns out Valentina rolled doubles three times in a row. She's going straight to jail. Sorry, Mum. Oh, great. That's just what we need. Now two of my assistants are in jail.

Pauline, send a care package to jail. Tell them we'll fish them out as soon as possible. But please remember, under no circumstance are we actually going to fish them out, all right? I don't fish, darling. Is Amber out of jail yet? Maybe she knows. Don't get her. No, don't get her.

We'll wait. We'll wait. Pauline, make sure you don't take up too much of Amber's room in that cell, all right? I know you're a big girl, all right? Just be respectful. Amber's the future, darling. Amber's the future. Don't suffocate her. I like how Sophie Amber's the future, darling. Amber's the future. I like how

Sophie just breaks it down so easily. Look, call me old-fashioned, but you know, if I was at the end of the dinner table, upside down, showing my buttocks to the world in a yoga pose, and someone made fun of me, I'd just have a laugh and be done with it.

Jesus Christ, darling. This American's so sensitive. Sophie, oh, and Caroline said, she was crying. I mean, sobbing. She was dripping like an avalanche, darling. It was disgusting. I mean, I haven't cried like that since.

Sophie goes, never. Never cried like that. You never cry she's like no one time I cried when I thought about oh no I'm sorry I was laughing never mind I was thinking about someone dying I came out of my mother's womb the doctor slapped me on the ass

and I slapped him right back when I came out of my mother's room the very first thing I did I said what's going on I need a blankie right now. Get in here with a blankie. Nanny. Squeeze my mother's breast for me, please. Get this ridiculous cord out of my belly.

Slowly. Slowly. Now put me on my mother's bosom. That's right. Slowly. Across the bosom. Forward. You know it's like a nursemaid's bosom, though. She's like,

Mother, hand me to the nanny. Nanny. Nursemaid. Nursemaid. Nappy. Nappy. Clear. Clear. Nap. Nap. Fetal. Burrito. Burrito the blanket.

Burrito the blanket. Alright, I've made a mess of my diaper. Change it, please. Faster. Fast. I tell you, when I say I've made a mess, it does not mean you go slowly. Faster. I've created all of your brain power in my diaper. It's a pile of shit. Clean it. Clear it.

Powder. Fast. On my bum. Clear it. Powder. Fast. On my bum. So she... I actually do feel really bad for Caroline in this because it's not fun to watch somebody losing their business. And she's very upfront about it, which I appreciate.

I like that she doesn't do a pause and spin. She's basically like, I've got to go into divestment or whatever it's called. Diventure. I've got to diventure. I've got to do this ridiculous diventure. I've got to pay for Pauline's salary. It's ridiculous. She eats half my...

It's made up of half the house and home with all her waffles that she eats. I mean, how many Eggo waffles do I need to supply in this place? Lego your own Eggo. Alright, new company policy. If you want Eggo waffles, you have to buy them yourself. Alright? That goes for you too, Pauline. I'm sick of putting

half this company's revenue into the Eggo budget, alright? That's enough. I've borrowed $50 billion to this company from Shaz. And you're eating it. You're eating it. I hope you enjoy your $50 billion Eggo

waffle McMuffin, Valentina. Valentina, get that cat out of your mouth, darling. Valentina, I know cat out of your mouth, darling. Valentina, I know you didn't steal all those pocketbooks we were going to sell this year, the seasonal, but I know you didn't steal them. I know you're just merely using them to get waffles back home, but enough is enough, alright? No more waffles and no more pocketbooks.

Bad news, Mum. Valentina ate the waffle machine. Well, that solves that problem. Stop considering everything bad news, Rene. Lighten up, darling. Bad news, Mum. Pauline's been sending waffles to all of our customers.

No one appreciates it. Instead of the gifts that we forgot to order, Mum, they've been sending waffles. People are not laughing. Well, did she at least send the circular ones, not the square ones? No, mom, she sent the square ones. Well, you know, we stand for the circular ones. I can't believe she even... This is just ridiculous. Just tell them that Asian babies

died somewhere for those waffles. They'll suddenly become valuable and everybody will want one, darling. Do I have to teach you everything? Valentina, go down to Sears, buy a waffle iron and stick Pauline's hand in it. That'll teach her. Please no, Mom.

I'm not worried about the pain. Just losing my hand when Valentina tries to eat it. Alright. Ladies at the gift shop, we're meeting, alright? The only one who's eating anything is me. I'm having jelly tarts. The rest of you, if you touch a waffle, you're fired.

Alright, get out. I'll terminate you as fast as I can. Oh, so let's move on to... More food stuff. Now it's Marissa yammering about Top Dog again, and she's going through the marketing. She's like, well... I don't know.

I kind of zoned out during this scene, to be honest. She's meeting with a marketer. She's like, well, Top Dog, it's just exciting. Like, it's kind of being entrusted with this thing, but oh my God, now it's going toer. She's like, well, Top Talk, it's just exciting. Like, it's a kind of being entrusted with this thing. But, oh, my God, now it's going to be eight weeks instead of six weeks. And it's just some of the budget's gotten so much bigger. And I keep, like, you know, I keep remembering things that I've forgotten. It makes me wonder what I've forgotten that I've forgotten.

I just wanted to warn you that it smells like dead animals in there and probably syphilis or something. Like, it smells really, really poorly. and probably syphilis or something like it smells really really poorly but i'm like i have charts and um what kind of top hat do you think that the people should wear who are serving hot dogs because like that's big in this country so like i'm mixing top hots with you know regular american service i loved when she talked when when they flashbacked or to annabelle i'm sorry to marissa getting advice from Annabelle on the T-shirts that they should be selling at Top Dog. And Annabelle's like, you know what I think would be great? Is if you make your logo so small, people won't even notice it until after the third wash. And they realize, oh, there's a logo tucked away in there.

That would be really cool. It's like great marketing advice there. Great. Take your logo and put it in a forest. And then move the camera back all the way. And when you see it, you'll finally realize it's a hot dog. And that's calling not seeing the forest for its trees. Rock and roll!

Rubble! I did like how she approached it in the way that a consumer would, where she said, you know, that way people will feel like they're wearing art and not, you know, being a tacky advertisement for a hot dog you lick sideways. I kind of like that, but you got to see the logo, you know, it's kind of important. Yeah, or make the logo something cool that people want to wear or not even cool, but something like, you know, like the black dog thing from Martha's Vineyard, you know? Make it one of those pictures you have to stare at for a really long time to understand it. Well, how about this?

You know, I'm a big fan of Alfred E. Newman. He was a visionary person of our lifetime. How about this? When you fold the T-shirt in the middle, all of a sudden it says Top Dog. But then when you widen it out, it says Topanga Hot Dog. When you open it up, it says, Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day. Have you ever heard that joke?

No, I haven't. That's so tacky. I heard it when I was a kid. Stuck in my head forever. Not going to tell it. Okay, so let's go on to, like, one person in El Paso is dying in their car right now. Okay, everybody else who's not getting it. The brand name is hidden. People are enjoying your shirt and it doesn't feel like an ad, darling.

What if no one likes hot dogs as much as I do? No one cares. Not too clean. Oh, I love the guy that she was talking to because the businessman. Like, this businessman is huge. He's been, like, he's done business for Beyonce, Donald Trump, Hewlett Packard. I'm just going to announce Beyonce and then a bunch of Republican products or something. Anyway, I don't know why I did that.

Anyway, she's like, he's representing everybody. And then it cuts to him and he's like, now, here's what we got to worry about. Zeitgeist. All right. Logo. Go. Monetary goal.

Monetary goal. Creative. Creative seed. Mental lines. Mental lines. Like, oh my God. He's just like spewing everything he can from a Tony Robbins book. Yeah.

Looking super nervous. Yeah. Loved it. Loved it. Julie looks like a vampire. That's really huge in my notes. God bless her. Love her. Looks like she's going to kill you and eat all of your babies.

Yeah, she's like a nice vampire. She's like Jonathan Lipnicki in My Vampire. Yes. A very sweet, little, adorable blonde vampire. Yes. She's not the first person to make vampires adorable, but she's the best. And also, it's not always. It's only when they're interviewing her in that one outfit, and they're putting orange light on her.

So her eyes are orange, and her hair is orange, and they're putting orange light on her so her eyes are orange and her hair is orange and her skin is orange. She just looks like, you know, a vampire trying to pretend they're not a vampire. A spray tan vampire. Truly an interview

with a vampire. That would have been a funny book if it was interview with a vampire but with someone like Julie. She'd be like, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, a funny book if it was interview with a vampire but with someone like Julie. Oh, God. What's that? Killed a baby. Oh, I feel so horrible. Oh, my God. New Orleans, it's like, I mean, so much is happening here. I'm gonna package these baby feet balls. I'm gonna call them BFBs. It's like a superfood. It's made of, like, blood

and just basically blood. It's just, like, coagulated human blood and it's great. Keepfood it's made of like blood and just basically blood it's just like coagulated human blood and it's great keeps you through the day um i love it vampire yoga time oh julie okay so this is her meeting right yes so this was shark tank she goes to meet with her investors and she uh she's basically uh she's like well here's my work in progress business plan and we're in 25 locations so um anyway and here's my product you're gonna be like getting jubby with it i've been taking this really seriously i've written stuff on the back of a lot of napkins and then typed it down on a piece of paper and i talked to caroline stansbury and they're like uh the woman losing her business at the moment. Yeah. Yes.

Yes. Huge business to lose. Am I right? So excited. Jump balls. Getting jubby with it. When she said getting jubby with it, I almost fell down. Because she even did, like, cool hands.

Yeah. She was not a shining moment for her. So good. It was. It was a shining Julie moment. And when she said, well, these other balls, there's other balls. I mean, our biggest competitors is bouncy balls. And people love bouncy balls.

I mean, they're doing great. I mean, they're doing great. They're more fruitier. But, you know, bouncy, bouncy. They're bouncy. Ours are chubbier. I like to think that people who really like my jobs are sort of like chubby chasers, you know? And I think that we have a really strong, you know, foundation

for us. This is giving me a chubby. Well, you know, it's not going to make you chubby, that's for sure. Because these are healthy. Unless you want to be chubby. I mean, I don't want to say what you want to be or what you don't want to be. I mean, I'm sorry. I mean, I don't know. Here's a gift. I just want

1% of the business. That's right. That's all I want. No, please, that's right that's all i want no please i will not take any more please please don't give it to me oh i can't take it i made twenty dollars today they're like we will buy this business from you for ten dollars and zero percent equity on your half uh on your behalf uh well um that seems like a bad deal like me i was thinking more like you guys would get ten percent equity and you guys would give me like 40 000 no okay okay yeah here's ten dollars i'll take the ten dollars okay great thanks i will take that starbucks gift card thank you okay bye balls bye balls this is perfect because i am only like three coffees away from my free reward so it really worked out i loved her over excited pitch

so cute i actually like her product. American little things that she kept saying because she said, you're getting chubby with it. Derek, what? And then she said, I'm like the Energizer bunny. We power things with Herod's double D's, darling. Yeah, haven't you ever seen

our Herod's double D's? We don't have a rabbit with a drum. It's more like a toy soldier with a biscuit just tossing the biscuit over and over i'm still biscuiting still biscuiting my favorite commercial it's like if you want to save these for later you could just ice ice baby am i right guys you can't touch this am am I right? We don't understand. Is this like spicing up your life? Because that's more of our language.

When these balls go to class, they're going to need some jump warmers. Am I right, guys? Robics, get it? Get it, guys? They're like, I'm sorry. Well, she's like, well, all right. It looks like this bitch is going in one direction, if you know what I'm saying. One direction. We love one direction.

Yes, sir. All right. Welcome on board. Finally, something from this eon. We went. Do you know Harry Styles? England took the 80s off. We weren't here.

We were gone for the 80s. Did you see the picture of Justin Bieber's penis? I did. Yes. Oh, we talked about's penis? I did, yes. Oh, we talked about that. I was like, wait. I'm such an idiot. I saw it in front of you, darling. All right, so now we go to Sophie's birthday party,

which is happening at a Mexican restaurant. And just side note, I feel like Mexican food in England must be weird, right? I feel like instead of cilantro, they use basil with everything. Like an enchilada. Here's an enchilada. We make it with cow's milk and some beef liver and some basil. And then we pour on some clotted cream on top and it's wrapped in scone.

Yes. We have a full baked chicken stuffed with saffron and jelly wrapped in biscuit mix. And topped with busboy sauce. It's an actual busboy. We use galette dough

and we chop up some minced meat and put some tomato on top and put it in the oven and add a little bit of cayenne at the end and call it a london enchilada i like that it was that it was day of the dead because it's sophie and i always like thinking of sophie as kind of like a gaunt face town drunk i just like her i loved when we saw her as that so she's always that in my head so that she had a big gigantic skull yes face hanging over everybody the whole time it was just so beautiful and fitting and a kind of adorable yeah it was really

placed with a giant skull darling it was really the image to sum up the entire series pretty much glittery skull so um so and a little rock and roll Rock and roll So Julie and Annabelle Are traveling In a car together to this party And Julie's like Well here's my gift for Sophie Oh and here's a gift for Caroline

And Annabelle's like What And it made no sense I guess maybe she wanted to give a gift to Caroline ostensibly to thank her for the investment and the advice because she whatever, you know, but it made no sense. She was giving her like a let's make up gift. I know, but like I was on Annabelle's side. She said, do you get it? It's my, because what was it?

But they weren't in a fight. Olive branch. An olive branch. But it was in a fight. What was it that was a substitute? It was like a picture of like a marijuana leaf or something. Not that. Yeah, it was like a, I know, I forget what it was.

She's like, get it? This is my olive branch. Oh, it's kale. Oh, kale, yes. She's like, hey, look, I got a t-shirt from Urban Outfitters. Yes, she's like, you're always calling me stupid. Look, I went to college. Kill college, get it?

Caroline's like, I don't get it. I don't understand college puns that are from across the pond. I only know Oxford and Cambridge. Caroline was like, we're fine, darling. We're fine. We weren't even in a fight. Now go find me a shawl with $5 billion, darling. I want to keep Valentina fed.

Otherwise, it's just typo. Say as I might. Otherwise, without her, it's just typo typo typo do you happen to know of a good waffle vendor we have an issue with our personnel um but the thing is that's so professional but but here but here's the thing get out babe chinese here's here's why you're making me unprofessional with your chinese food i'll take the whole menu bring it all in here's why jul why Julie is crazy, because Julie and Caroline weren't actually in a fight.

They had the issue at New Year's, and then Caroline rescinded part of her apology, and then Julie was annoyed about it, and she talked about it with Annabelle, and Annabelle was like, well, you should stand up to Caroline. But the reason, Ben, it was so dramatic is because they weren't in a fight. Annabelle is trying to make it a fight. I'm telling you, she's the

villain. It Julie's like, you can't just let her talk to you like that. You must do it. And Julie even said earlier in the episode, she's like, I'm confused because if I don't confront Caroline, then Annabelle's going to be disappointed in me. But if I do confront Caroline,

then Caroline's going to be mad at me. Julie is like, Julie should know. Julie should know. Julie should know. I mean, obviously Annabelle is setting her up because the British way is not to confront someone. You know, like the British way is just to brush it under the rug. That's why she can't do it. She's like, you're my mouthpiece, darling. You're my Roxanne, darling.

I can't do it myself. Well, the thing is, it's just, the whole thing is bizarre. I mean, could you imagine if you're like meeting up with someone and they give you a gift and they say, this is my olive branch. You're like, wait, were we in a fight? I mean, it's so bizarre. Yeah. It was all very dumb. You're my Cyrano of the Jabberrack.

I need you to beat me. Just go in there and you tell her this. You're a cut fitness. I did not like that you blew my same boyfriend in high school. I hope you die, bitch. I'm going to cut you with a cut fitness i did not like that you blew my same boyfriend in high school i hope you die bitch i'm gonna cut you with the knife julie's like i don't know if i can say those things you can you can tell me come on team huddle up huddle up team and then she was telling juliet what are you afraid of are you afraid of caroline i would confront her you shouldn't be you shouldn't live in fear your children could be murdered at any moment. Kill her.

Kill her. So then Julie gives this gift to Caroline. And then Juliet sees this and Juliet freaks out. She's like, wait. You asked me to stand up to Caroline. I don't understand what's happening here. I'm supposed to stand up for Caroline, but you're giving her like a sorry gift that's i'm sorry that's just like that's i'm the one who's supposed to be kissing up to caroline

not you so then she's getting all crazy and worked up so then uh she comes over and does like a fake strangle which when juliet does a fake strangle you know it doesn't feel fake yeah you know there's't feel fake yeah you know there's that moment especially if you have hsp right you're standing there and someone starts strangling you and there's just like a little trickle of pee coming down julie's leg i know and by the way right before the strangulation there were some really wonderful shots of uh sophie in a beer hat you know lampooning americaning American culture, if you will. And then there was a pinata, which resulted in Marissa nipple clamping Juliet's mouth shut, which I really enjoyed. But then, yes, so then there was the strangulation.

Yeah, so she walks up to her and gives her a face. I'm just kidding. Why are you smiling? Oh, I'm just so happy to be here. Everything's great. Yeah, and then they have this confrontation hey I've been I've been more supportive of Caroline no I've been I've been a better friend

like we love each other no we love each other no we love each other and then Annabelle's off in a corner they cut to Annabelle and she's like fire again Alexander rock and roll for it again Alexander rock and roll I could actually barely follow their fight because

they were fighting Juliet was mad at Julie because Julie wanted Juliet to fight with Caroline and then Juliet but Juliet wanted Julie I mean it was like so like bizarrely meta and strange. They were being pitted against the same person.

They realized that they had no cause to fight with this person. And then Juliet turned it around, which Juliet is hilarious. She still argues like a teenager where it doesn't matter if you're right, just you win, like you say the last thing. So she'll start twisting it around and turning it. She's like, okay, well then like, I'm sorry that like you were really furious with Caroline. And I'm really sorry that like, you were so mad that Caroline like hurt your feelings at the thing and like

made you cry. And then like, didn't say like said, I'm sorry. And then like, not sorry. So like, I'm sorry that you're furious.

And she's like, what, what? And then she, she starts getting like like can caroline hear this like she starts freaking out so now they're both she's used the same tactic and they're both like blubbering messes worried about what fucking caroline's gonna say to them exactly i'm surprised that good i'm surprised julia did not pull out her

favorite line which was so that makes me a bad person is that what that is that makes me a bad person is that what you're saying yeah well i'm sorry that you hate caroline and i'm a terrible person so i guess i'll just go like murder an entire race of people or something so i guess we're not friends anymore huh i guess we're not friends anymore right i guess i'm just a terrible person because um because i like said something to you and then you said something to carol to annabelle and then i got mad at it and then you got mad at me and then I thought you were going to get mad at Caroline and then you didn't get mad. I guess that just makes me a bad person, right? So, like, I know

that you're, like, upset because it's really hurtful when you called Caroline fat and said that you were, like, glad she was losing our money and our business. It's like, oh, no. Girls. These girls are nuts. And then they cut to Caroline and she's like, just sly. Like, look at this. It's a t-shirt. Can you imagine? And then the other one off and she's, like, just sly. Like, look at this. It's a T-shirt.

Can you imagine? And then the other one off in the corner, like, I shall get you. Like, try again, Bullwinkle lady. I know. Caroline's like, kale T-shirt. Pauline, take this T-shirt and let it be a reminder of what you should be eating instead of waffles. Our T-shirt's fattening. I guess we'll find out.

Pauline, shred this and feed it to Valentina, darling. I don't want to have to do more dental work on her. Valentina, eat the kale t-shirt. Slowly. Slowly. Bad news, ma'am. Valentina's going to the hospital. She's ill with kale t-shirt. Good.

That'll teach her a lesson. So that was... oh, no. So then what happens is Juliet then retreats. Juliet goes downstairs while the sisters are smoking. They're like, oh, darling, darling, smoking, smoking. And then she comes down. She's like, hi. Yeah, because Juliet has to make sure she covers her base.

She basically has to make sure she's still good with caroline so she goes out there and she's like man it's just like it's like crazy you know and kind of i don't care like i've already forgotten about it just like that's why they call me the goldfish because i don't look back i'm a goldfish all right not like a little crack i'm not a cracker i don't think that's why they call you the goldfish but i'll go with that because i like you yeah uh but she's like got lips bigger than her face and she's like that's why they call you the goldfish, but I'll go with that because I like you. Yeah. But she's like got lips bigger than her face, and she's like, that's why they called me the goldfish. I'm like, no, you were the girl who was injecting her lips with Elmer's glue in boarding school and giving the best blowjobs. Let's not lie.

Swimming with Goldie Angus. Yeah. It's a commercial from when I was a little kid. Okay. Sophie's like, and that's why they called me the striped bass. I mean, I don't really understand why they call me Striped Bass, but I just M one. So just accept it, all right? And you, what do we call you?

A flounder. You're like a flounder. Juliet, you're a flounder. A big old flounder. Let's call her just the dumb American fish, darling. How about this? Juliet, all right, I'm Sea Bass, all right? And Caroline's Goldfish. So how about we call you Sea this juliette all right i'm sea bass all right and caroline's goldfish so how about we call you sea cucumber all right go get us a cocktail

cucumber i don't know if i like that well what are you going to do about it nothing that's right go now go get me some caca um that's when caroline was saying, darling, you just look, here's the lesson I want you to learn today, Juliet. I like that she never gets mad. She's just like, you're an idiot. So this is the lesson you need to learn, Juliet. Here's what I want you to walk away with this knowing. You're stupid.

Shut your mouth. Thank you. The end. Clear heart. Oh, you guys. You guys. I think that Marissa's mad at me Shut up darling

Stop speaking Here's what I think about you and Marissa Shut up go away You know I bet Caroline wishes that typewriters still were used Because she probably loved getting to the end of the line And taking the thing and just sliding it to the left get out of here start a new line i'm ready to put you in the middle of the gift library make you part of it some sort of a bill and then have

you repossessed by the bank darling just be quiet julia you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna just take a bunch of pictures of you make it into a book and send it out with the gift library as how not to live your life thank you goodbye how to drive over the poor person bridge every day without murdering yourself by the stupid american fish how poor people act the juliet story goodbye the time i forgave a poor person. Bad news, mum. The books aren't selling. Well, of course they're not selling. Poor people don't read, and these are the books they need to be reading.

Bad news. Bad news, mum. Amazon Prime is late with your book. Oh, damn it. It's great. It's just great. Repossess it. Repossess Amazon Prime. Bad news, mum.

Haven't been able to sell any copies of that at the time. I forgive a poor person. Well, why not? Turns out we didn't put it on Amazon Prime. Put it on the Target website. No one buys books from Target. Well, but that's... Jesus.

Pauline! That was Amber's job. All right, Amber, Raina, call Pauline to bring Amber in here, and then I want you to stand here and staple her in the forehead. Just keep stapling her, darling. And if she cries and asks why, just say, you don't know. Do it now. Go!

Bad news, Mum. I told Valentina to release the book on Kindle and said she made kindling of the book and burned them all up. Sorry, Mum. She was just trying to cook her pencil so she could eat it and it would digest properly so she didn't end up in the hospital again, they thought.

We'll pat her on the head for her responsibility and then slap her in the face for being fat. Alright, darling. Clear. No more jelly tarts in your Christmas bonus. Goodbye. Amber's got blood on my chair. Alright, Paulina, hire someone new. Let's try a got blood on my chair. All right, Paulina, hire someone new.

Let's try a man this time, darling. Get him 50 computers. Tell the Shaws we're going to need 50 more computers, darling. I don't know why. Don't ask. Get me some jelly tots. Jelly tots! Jelly tots will fix everything. Oh, what? Pauline ate them?

Pauline, get in here. Did you eat my jelly tots? Oh, Jesus. Valentina, throw Pauline in the Thames. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school

where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. So this is the end right? Bad news mom. We're at the end of Ladies of London.

Bad news mom. Bad news mom. No more Ladies of London. So next week. It looks like Michael Sam. There's a shot of. Shot of. Of.

What's her face? Caroline giving Michael Sam a tour of London. I don't understand how that even michael sam now the gay football player oh he's the one who's like yeah he's like the openly gay one then he was drafted and now he's he was drafted it was like a token draft he he like was on the bench for one game and then dropped so oh that's not good so he he ended up not being a good football player yeah but i mean the thing is this there are a lot of questions well it's not that he wasn't a good football player but

the question is were the football teams too homophobic to actually play him like they they they drafted him because it made them look good as a team but then they didn't actually play him and so it's like this insincere thing and And if Michael Sam never came out of the closet, would he be playing? But then the thing is that he's gone through like a few different teams. Like he was on the Cowboys, then the Rams, and he was on the Canadian league.

And then he dropped out of that. And then they, apparently there's like a little bit of drama that comes with him. And so it's not as simple as, well, they're just homophobic. So we don't know why, why things are going wrong with Michael.

Well, I would think that if they went to the effort, cause because you know it was one to like get a gay guy on a team that they would play him on purpose yeah if he was good i don't think they would hold him back i think who knows i don't know anything about football i do know that guy um i remember that actually now that you're talking about it when he came out of the closet and that was a big deal and people are like yeah he's kind of cashing in right am i right yeah i think that was the issue because then it was like training camp and he was gonna have a reality show filmed around him and like oprah's cameras were gonna come through and the teams were like not having that so then

they're like no no we're gonna we're gonna cancel the reality show but you know football those football locker rooms and teams are so conservative and adverse to any sort of attention that's not controlled. I mean, there is that show Hard Knocks where it's inside training camp, but that's like an NFL sanctioned reality show. But it's obnoxious to have somebody who's not even famous because of football filming a reality show while you're trying to play fucking football. Like's just stupid well it's no matter if you're straight you know it's like I'm on your team now and I'm I'm

famous I'm famous for a couple weeks so where I got a reality show it's like oh girl no now's not the time win something first yeah I mean I don't want to blame him entirely because you know I'd like you know he's young and you know in his mind is

probably like yeah i'm gonna tell my story and it'd be helpful or whatever but at the same time he um and i don't want to blame him if a team is being homophobic then it's not his fault that they're being homophobic but that being said he then was on like he then was on dancing with the stars and this and that so i know he's got to capitalize on this situation. But at the same time, if he really wants to be in football, I don't know. I feel like he made a few missteps. Yeah, it's like the fame whore rap instead of the actual like be good at football rap. Exactly.

And now he's on Ladies of London. I don't know. I don't know how much of the problem is that he was a fame whore and how much of it was that the football teams were homophobic. is that he was a fame whore and how much of it was that the football teams were homophobic. If you're on Dancing with the Stars and you have your own reality show to, like you have the gall to try and have a reality show during your

first season with a new professional team, you're a fame whore. Like, I don't care if the guy's gay or not. And I don't even know his story that much except he's some, you know, now gay football player. But just from those things alone, from that evidence alone, i judge you a fame whore yeah that's this mess batch batch yeah i think um i mean i do think the teams were homophobic

for sure but um yeah that was that's a little fame whorey it's a little thing why do you say that that you think the teams were homophobic for sure? Were there reports of them being homophobic? Well, because it's football. It's football. Oh, so it's natural. Because he was like – the thing is he was like a top defensive end. Like he was one of the tops. But then the thing is this though. He also didn't do so well.

Or if they get the first A position to a top. They always win in the end. I don't know. The thing is there are so many things we'll never know about that situation. Here's a good way to look at it. I don't know how much played into it that he underperformed during the scouting things, and

that there is homophobia in football, but the last thing that he should have done was contribute to it by doing something fame-horrid. Now, of course, he's doing these fame-horrid things now because why not capitalize on the situation? He's clearly not going to be playing football. So have your moment. Seize it.

Well, now he's a star, you know. Now he's on Lays of London getting a tour with Caroline Sanbury, which, by the way, in my book, means he's made it. And he is, too, I'm sure. So, you know, go for it. Have fun, man. Do whatever you want. If you're not desperate to play, why do it anyway?

Like, if your thing was being famous anyway, just be a fun, famous gay. That's good enough. It is. It is. But he's been going out lately. He's been making statements lately that the reason why he hasn't, that he's not playing football right now is because he's gay. He's been saying things like that, which, I mean, it could be true, too. I mean, that's a thing.

It's hard to know. But he's also, like, been a narcissist. But when you say something like that, which, I mean, it could be true, too. I mean, that's a thing. It's hard to know. But it's also, like, given a proxist. But when you say something like that... I don't like that, because that makes something victim-y that's not, like... That's not going to make anyone want to hire you, by the way. You're not going to get hired onto any team when you say things like that. Yeah, exactly. And it's just annoying...

Not to blame the victim. If he is, though. But why do you say it's the victim? Like, we assume he's the victim because he's a gay guy? No, meaning, like, you know, when they say, like... If he isn't playing because he's gay, he's a victim, you mean?

Yeah, exactly. Like, well, you shouldn't be saying it. You should be playing by their rules. If they are excluding him because they're homophobic, and we're saying, well, you shouldn't be saying it. You should just play cool. You know, that's theoretically, like, not... that's not a proper way to approach the situation but realistically it's like in hollywood you know if someone steals your idea and you don't really have any power you could try to you could open up a lawsuit but then you also are never going to work again you know

it's like things like that yeah it's just fucked up life because when you're on a team and look i'm not into sports but lord knows i had to play plenty of them and the coaches were pretty consistent about what a team is and not having one star on the team that's why you don't you know the ones that do stand out and go on a zillion interviews and make a lot of trouble are kind of d-bags but for the most part they're they'll do their professional interview or whatever but but they're not fame-whoring. They make their money and that's it. When you're part of a team and then you try and

burst out, it doesn't matter if you're gay or whatever the hell your thing is. You're part of a team. I don't like playing gay things when he took a huge step forward and I don't like seeing people get whiny up there unless there is something, unless they have been homophobic.

I mean, that's a totally different thing. I think that football culture is very conservative and it's very much like you pay your dues before you can do something flashy and especially if you're a rookie and you're like an untested rookie and you are making waves, they just don't like that, you know?

Even if their waves are good waves. Good waves. Good waves. They don't like any waves. Even if their waves Are good waves Good waves Good waves They don't like any waves They want it to be a still pool Very still I mean football coaches I'm glad we got some

Gay pollies in there Yes Gay football stuff So Speaking of waves Speaking of waves Look at that I was like

What Below deck In the water You know Waves Water I thought you were gonna do a Yolanda new wave haircut joke yeah um

I better not take your crap limes this earth is mine so it opens with Rocky's voice which I don't know why we don't really have a Rocky's voice because she does have a distinctive previous no We don't really have a Rocky's voice because she does have a distinctive.

No. Previously on Below Deck. I can't even do it. But there's something weird there. Previously on Below Deck. She's basically like Toya. So that killed me. And they were showing that I'm going to write him a huge letter, you guys. And, of course, it's all in caps.

A huge letter. It's like literally huge. It's like on poster boards. I know. It was like she's writing a cue card. So we opened with a meal in Rocky. And everybody's standing around the kitchen really depressed, eating pizza. I don't know what's going on, but everyone's super sad.

Sounds like my apartment. Okay. And Amy is like, silence. This pizza's real good, isn't it, guys? Yay, pizza night with my friends. Anyone want to have pizza with me? Hey, y'all. So I know I'm on this side of the room and you guys are on

that side of the room but just for the record we're technically all eating pizza together so i'm gonna tell my my friends back home which i do have that i'm having pizza with friends right now you guys this is so amazing we are eating pizza together. We're playing the silent game. My family loves the silent game. Okay, whoever talks first loses. I lose. I always lose this game, guys.

Guys, if you want to be best friends forever, just don't say anything, okay? Yay! Yay! Hey, if you're my best friend look the other direction and start walking out of the room we're all best friends thanks

so all the depressed boat people the depressed boat maids go to like jerk off in the dark or something they're like miserable and then Emil has kind of a weird Emil moment this guy he has moments I like them does anybody even And then Emil has kind of a weird Emil moment. This guy. He has moments.

I like them. Does anybody even teach him anything ever? Who teaches people to talk to women that way? Or really anyone that way. But in this case, obviously. Who talks to a woman that way? He's so gross. I hate how he talks to her.

And now he's doing like the standoffish man thing. It's like, what? What? Say it. Say it. i don't want to say it i'm not gonna say it no no no no no no no i don't want to no you could have just told me it's embarrassing that you wrote me a letter and you should have to everyone it's so weird because it's like emil is on this planet. And I'm like, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. I'm like on a planet. I'm like out into outer space, like looking around for George Clooney. He could be alive.

He could be alive. Do you ever notice how like Rocky in her interviews is always in the lower third of the frame? Her head is always so up. It's like she's always crouching down and looking up. Like, ah, there's so much frame to fill with music. So let's see here. So they had the fight about the letter. And she's like, what?

I just don't want to ever be with you ever. That's all I'm trying to say. He's like, well, I just don't understand. What? What are you trying to say? You don well you i just don't understand what what are you trying to say you don't do that to me i've been trying to say it dude i don't like you yeah but like the men on this show never get it what yeah i don't yeah i don't understand how she could not she could have been any clearer i mean she said i want you to start thinking of me as your sister i mean pretty clear it's not like they're lebanese no darling you know if you're lebanese you could be like well hopefully she can have a child that i can one day marry just kidding just because we

have a couple married cousins oh they called the family uh when they had a family reunion they got t-shirts made that said incest fest so it's like a it's like a fun joke in the family oh heartwarming hug that's so heartwarming is that nice so speaking of inbred idiots no you're not idiots guys i don't mean that um but inbred so let's move on to dane and emil yes oh right well another another emil moment so then we cut to uh black and white security cam footage of them in their little bunk bed and it's 5 a.m and dane is fighting with his girlfriend on the phone and emile does his typical um confrontational thing where he goes oh i mean i mean it's i mean could you really oh it's late i mean it's late i mean sorry sorry mate sorry mate no babe i'm not cheating on you no babe like no i'm not it's not true all right late sorry dude it's just it's

it's just i just want some sleep do you ever get the feeling that dane isn't talking to a woman on the phone he's talking to like, a can of gas. It's just, like, something you'd find at a gas station. It's like, come on. I don't know. Some inanimate object. Totally. It's like a little pack of Orbit on the table.

Dude, why do you have to be so expensive? No, I'm not. So he was being annoying, andile is not getting any vajay jay and dane is probably going to steal the vajay even while emile is single so emile's super pissed um and he takes it out on his iphone plug yeah and then i wrote down you have to look at this time stamp for dane getting out of bed to see how big his wiener is. It looks big, I have to say. I'll have to look it up and put it on our new

Watch What Crappens porn site, where we take masturbatory scenes from Below Deck and other crappy shows and we turn them into jerk-off material for our audience. That'd be good. We'd make a zillion dollars with that. Tons. Tons. That's where we go.

Okay. So anyway, it's kind of a dumb fight. Okay. So then it moves into the Kate and Leon wall. Well, yeah. Well, yeah. Because we know that we're getting new charters. Tracy and Mark are the charter guests.

They're from Connecticut. I love that Kate, Leon, and Kate and Eddie, they're all making fun of these people from Connecticut as if they're like the most hoity toity of all time. Yeah, they know. They do know. They do know. Yeah. Those are two very white people. They understand.

It's in the DNA to understand Connecticut people. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy your popped collar. She's like, may I bring you some croquet on a platter sir so they were very

I'm trying to see so yeah there was like a little sniping between Kate and Leon and that's where their big war of the day started maid war everybody get your brooms and your spatulas and let's see some blood fly because it starts because Captain Lee said,

whatever the packet they get about the guest says, says that these people from Connecticut are foodies. They're big foodies. They just don't. They're white people and they just nibble on things. So I want 19 entrees a day. They

call it a tasting menu. And those are the rules. All right? 19. I'd make 21 just to be sure. Rules. No socks. Rules. And Leon's like, oh, I'm like, oh, God.

I can't. I've got so many accents going between British. I was like, how can I even do an Irish accent? He's like, oh, I'm going to have some fun with the food. Or have some fun with this one. We're going to have a lot of fun with the food. Or have some fun with this one. We're going to have a lot of fun with the food. We're going to put the little miniature sombreros on the... I know I'm doing Australian.

I'm sorry. That is kind of what he is. No, he's Irish. He's like, I'm going to put some sombreros on the beef cheeks. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. Kate was like, oh, you're going to have fun with it. So does that mean you're going to juggle the beef cheeks. That's what we're going to do. Yeah. Kate was like, oh, you're going to have fun with it. So does that mean you're going to juggle the beef cheeks?

Are you going to play card games with the beef cheeks? Are you going to play Canasta with the beef cheeks? Maybe not. That requires a little bit too much preparation because you have to get a deck of cards out. Well, it's white people, so you could do a full orchestra presentation with the beef cheeks. How about some beef cheeks with a side of beef cheeks? And I'll put a little cocktail umbrella in there because he wants to have fun with it. Sounds like a great plan, Leon.

I think that's great. He's like, I don't give a fuck what you think, you stupid woman. I don't like you. Don't like you at all. He is such a big baby. God, this guy. Should we go in direct order with this show or just talk about the main things? Because it was mainly the fight.

I have a lot of notes. Okay, let's go for it. Go on then. So next, Amy sees a picture of the guests. She's like, oh, they look like a cute couple. I'm just imagining Amy just brimming with jealousy. Like, I want to look cute with someone. Hey, horseshoe, come take a picture with me.

Let's be a cute couple together, horseshoe crab. No one has ever tried to tie sweaters around their necks to match the sweater around my neck. And that would just be so cute. Well, one time somebody tried. But he was trying to strangle me. I mean, seriously, you guys, drunk guys. Drunk guys and parts, am I right? Hey, y'all.

I'm going to take a picture with this seahorse over here. We're going to look real cute together. We got matching sweaters. Hey, seahorse, where'd you go? Oh, seahorse swam away. Oh, well. I couldn't find a seahorse-sized sweater anyway, so bye, seahorse! You'll always be in my heart!

He's probably just sinking to the bottle of water. I mean, that thing doesn't even have fins. It's not really even a horse, but that's just between you and me. Leave it up to me to date a guy without fins. So then Leon is talking about Dane dane because dane dane has the girlfriend's like oh leon's like what a dirty dog and then this he's i mean the point is that he's just talking he mentions a rocky that that that dane has girlfriend and rocky gets upset rocky's like

he never mentioned to me that he had a girlfriend so now Rocky hates him because now Rocky is jealous and angry. And then they have girl time and I guess that's when she finds this out when she's with Kate and Amy in bed talking and it has to be annoying to the other girls that, wait, is this right? Wait, hold on. Am I skipping?

Damn it. I've got 20 pages of notes. You're skipping. I'll make the font larger bean you know um so uh but anyway yeah so so rocky is not about dana at this moment so then the people come on these very waspy people sure enough with sweaters tied around their shoulders um and then it's just more of i have a note that says five minutes of we're just gonna have fun with the food which is i'm just imagining leon just telling everyone great news everyone today we're just gonna have some fun with the food fun with the food today fun food day all right team everybody having fun

uh and then uh they yeah okay so i'm going through my notes so they have this tasting menu he's gonna have fun with it uh they can't tell who's married to who. The boat tour. I always love the boat tour. Welcome to Liberace's butt sex room. Before you came out of the closet, we'll add the pink for the next decade. Here is the master suite. It's got a panoramic view of the boat, but

of course we're not going to show you that because we're going to close the curtains so you fall asleep as soon as possible and stay asleep all day long so we don't have to wait on your stupid asses. So enjoy the view while I have it. Okay. The curtains are closing. Your sheets have been ironed by a terrible musical. So that should be comfortable for you.

We support theater in Connecticut. They're like, last time we went on a yacht, it was shipwrecked. Oh, can you imagine? Look, we have our guests. We have our guests in our stateroom, dear. Don't get too comfortable, guests. Well, I thought I'd check

out your stateroom before I was banished to the poor people quarters. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like the white people humor was killing me this episode. Loved it. So then they all go out on lobster fishing. Well, really only one person went lobster fishing.

Basically the young kid, the teenager or whatever. She went lobster fishing and the rest just sat on this little boat waiting for them to come back. And then a storm came through. So the wasps got rained on on which they were not happy about and they can say what they want about dane i know that nobody's really liking him but you know dane does know how to relate to the whitest people in the world when the storm starts he goes let's make like flamingos and get the flock out of here. They're like, oh! That's a little new Kanan humor for you. You go,

boy. So, anchor watch. Anchor watch. We gotta watch the anchor, because there's a storm brewing. The boat, it's going through water. We're crashing through those waves. Someone's mopping the floor.

That Swiffer needs to be changed. So, like, let's put on the least experienced person who's the most unreliable, who keeps crashing jet skis. Let's put him on Anchor Watch. Sounds like a great idea. Well, I'm not sure about Dane on Anchor Watch, because you gotta stay

alert. And I'm not sure if he can stay alert. And then it cuts to Dane dancing around the kitchen with his mouth full of a sandwich air drumming a Huey Lewis song yeah so so in the meantime before Dane gets up to Anchor Watch then Leon makes

dinner which actually looks really good it's like a truffle cauliflower soup and guess what he serves lobster tail and beef cheeks beef cheeks beef cheeks this is worse than jamie on top chef serving prawn i mean scallops this is beef cheek beef cheek beef cheek yep and i also like that everything is served on those rounded square plates like they're rounded up like a bowl like yeah yeah like we're a plate but we're gonna be a bowl and they're that really thick frosted glass that's rippled on the outside from like i don't know the jc penny you know sale in the 80s i used to hide but behind

that shit when i was hiding from my mother i remember those plates and he's like look it's art on a curved on a rounded square textured plate have fun with it it's beef cheek beef cheek on a on a rounded square plate looks modern you can't see it under the gravy It's beef cheek. Beef cheek on a rounded square plate. Looks modern. You can't see it under the gravy, but this beef cheek is smiling right now with these modern plates. It's going to be served to you by Rocky Homewrecker. Homewrecker Rocky.

Get it? Because she's a homewrecker. Because she likes Dane and Dane has a girlfriend. Just a homewrecker. Homewrecker Rocky. I'm Leon. I have fun. I make fun jokes.

I have fun with the food. Fun food. I'd like to present fun food. Don't ask anything else. I have fun. I make fun jokes. I have fun with the food. Fun food. I'd like to present fun food. Don't ask anything else. Just eat it. You know what makes this food fun? It's not served on a circular plate or a square plate. Served on a square circular plate.

Fun food. And then they love his soup, or they loved his, I guess this was before the Beef Deeks, but they love the soup and more white people humor when the guy says, this soup is delicious. We need a bell. May I request a bell? And then they all look because that could be a serious request. Yeah. And he's like, so I could ring for some more soup.

They're like, oh, God, ordering around poor people jokes. You were too much. Too much. They're like, oh, God, ordering around poor people jokes. You were too much. Too much. They're like, you're a real cut up there. They're like, by the way, tomorrow night for dinner, can we have some steak? And I was like, sure, I'll order it in 24 hours. No. Well, I'm always the one to order the birthday cake at the office because I have something funny put on it.

I'm that guy. I sometimes put on a candle that's in the shape of a number. So then it's anchor watch, and they're like, okay, Dane, all you have to do is watch this and don't fall asleep. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.

I was like, this is the worst installment of Nightmare on Elm Street I've ever seen. Freddy is in the anchor. You're actually rooting for Freddy in this one. Like, kill the bitch. Yeah. Even Freddy's like, ugh, no, I'm not getting on this stupid yacht.

They showed one of the people going to bed around anchor watch time, one of the guests, and they go into this room, and the doors are made out of an etched glass with a really bad tree and i thought you know this network really knows how to complement its shows you know it's like a theme they have little things that go on each season like almost cancer whatever bad trees it can even go down to a bad etched tree drawing on an 80s boat.

That's good. You know, there's more art here than people give it credit for. Yeah. There's a lot of things happening on this boat. You know, a lot of layers. A lot of layers. A lot of layers in that etch, in that glass etching, guys. You know that Heather's sitting at home watching this like, oh, I suppose you hate

that one too, Terry, huh? Huh, Terry? It doesn't have any representations of our children on it. That's probably how he'd like it. That was my art. So, yeah. You know, the only thing missing from this boat are, you know, lavender highlights, you know,

in the nooks of the walls. Little neon lavender highlights. That would have really changed the next level. Really made it look like sir or pump it's missing a um giant chef cookie jar from ross yeah it's missing a giant circular window i mean they've got little portholes but that's not the same oh yeah one of those giant ones that you read books in front of yes they're like this is the reading sun window like oh you're helping your mind while you give yourself skin cancer. Need some Memphis

design furniture in there. So, isn't that what that style is called? That 80s blocky... I don't know, but I like it. I think it's called Memphis. It's like color-blocked geometric triangles and squares and strange grid patterns. Anyway.

Just no more ombre, am I right guys? Am I right? And so then at 1.15am, Dane goes out to the kitchen. He's leaving his post. Dane, never leave your post. And he goes to the kitchen and he's like, he starts bragging about how good he is at anchor watch. They're all just staring at him like

you realize you're not doing it at this very moment you are not what are you doing aren't you supposed to be on anchor watch dang does this mean that we're friends that you'd rather not do anchor watch and you'd rather hang out with me oh dang oh Amy is totally turned off by people who don't

follow rules like that is I would hire that girl in a second yeah and she's classic southern bad well she sort of smiles I would hire that girl in a second. Yeah, and she's classic Southern about it. And then stamp her mouth shut. Well, she sort of smiles flat and is like, that's great, Dane. You're not doing your job, though, are you? Are you?

Get your cute little face back in there. Hey, Dane, I want you to put yourself in the anchor's position. Okay, do you feel like the anchor? Okay, you're all snug at the bottom of the ocean. Okay, now, are you alone, anchor? Is somebody watching you? Is somebody watching you, anchor? No!

Now, dang, go back up there and make the anchor feel better. I'll just be here in the kitchen all night long opening bottles of wine and saying cheers. Anchor hugs. Go back up there and give that anchor anchor hugs. Come on.

Get up there. Some people just need a little push to fail. Well, so I thought there was going to be a disaster next. But I guess anchor watch went over all right. Why would you think that? Because they kept showing the empty stateroom. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Danes walking down the stairs.

The wheel room. The wheel room, yeah. Talking to people. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Hey, guys. Dang. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He walks back up the stairs and then sits down.

Yeah. And it's over. That's pretty much all that was. Blow tech drama. Blow tech drama is actually hilarious because it never turns into anything. So it's always like, uh-oh, pulling into dock. It's going to be windy.

We're going to hit the dock. Get the fenders out. Get the fenders. Where's the fender? We need more slack. We need more slack. All right. Good job, everyone.

At one point, I wrote down the note, I refuse to write about somebody parking. Because it was. It was. It was like a five-minute segment of that. Every week. Going into dock, guys.

And I was like, no, you are not going to transcribe the parking experience. Okay? I know. But you know what's funny is that every week I fall for it. I always get like a little nervous. I'm like, uh-oh. But nothing ever happens. So then it's the next day. And Leon's on the phone with the mainland and he's getting provisions.

And so I'm like, you know something bad's going to happen because they've requested a tasting menu. And he's calling for provisions. He says, you know, he's like, it's hard sometimes. I'm sorry. I can't stop doing Australian actions. He's like, he's like, ah, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. stop doing Australian actions. He's like,

he's like, ah, I'm Irish. I'm Irish. And you know, it's hard sometimes to get the provisions from the mainland. God didn't request anything he wanted. What am I supposed to do? How's brilliance supposed to work? Oh, I'm gonna get on the phone. And then it was another Maze ordering things drama.

This is my new thing, because first it was Kate and now it's him. And this is my new favorite drama. It's going to be a new Bravo spinoff. Waiters and maids weren't enough. So now we're going to see people waiting from the time they order their dominoes until the time it actually gets there. That's going to be an entire spinoff. Like what's going through the dominoes delivery guy's head while someone else is waiting on the phone.

Exactly. delivery guy's head while someone else is waiting on the phone exactly so the thing is that you but we know something bad's gonna happen because he's like well you never know what's gonna happen you never know what you're gonna get so so we know it's gonna lead to bad things we know this tasting may go awry so anyway while we feel a certain amount of dread about that then there's more dread to be had elsewhere on the yacht because one of the charter guests gets onto a jet ski and immediately runs over his own line and gets sucked into a propeller and he breaks everything

and then Dane goes out and then Dane has to fix it and then Dane goes out and then he crashes the jet ski into the yacht and then Captain Lee's like god damn it that's the throw you idiot god damn it. That's the throttle, you idiot. God damn it. You fucking moron. Get the line out from underneath the mirror.

God damn, God damn. And you've got Alex P. Keaton being helpful as ever. He's just standing there over it going, you ran over the line. You ran over. Like, I'm going to watch you intently and judgmentally until you feel terrible

good job good job there good disappointment there alex p yeah um so now the provisions finally arrive i think i skipped over some stuff but it was mainly just you know jet ski chef leon fight sunset hot tub rocky makes rocky specials for the guests uncooked chicken and kale how am i supposed to shine with shit okay yeah so everything gets there and they're trying these uh the whitest people ever are getting nervous well it's not just that the that the they're getting nervous but because leon's provision so leon's provisions don't arrive to like 6 30 and the thing is that kate is trying to put together they're all trying to put together the dinners

they need to know what's what what dishes need to be cleaned and ready and kate has to write up a menu which is an important part of the process and actually the guy who is like the head charter guest he's like into this whole process he like uh, you know, he's going over the, trying to go over the menu with Kate, all this stuff. But it's all, nothing can be done because Leon doesn't know what he's going to make because he doesn't know what his provisions are. And Kate is losing her shit because she keeps being like, well, you know, someone who works on a yacht would order the provisions right away. And you wouldn't wait until the last second.

So things are slowly falling apart around this entire dinner process and it's actually it's actually like pretty stressful because you can just sort of see the domino effect and leon's complaining because his his lamb and his all his meats are frozen he's like well i can't do anything with this i'm like as if he's not totally used to making using frozen food for his work yeah exactly i'm like you realize all you have to do is put it in a bowl of warm water within an hour it'll be thawed that's how you do it that's how you thaw something quickly just an hour well he's not even a good walmart chef because at least at walmart there's a menu and it's posted above the counter so this may this may all be out of leon's expertise because he previously has only cooked

in costco kitchens for the synth because you know that's what he that's probably what his experience was is like making little samples he's like the eye on the vacuum aisle making little provolone samples i've got a lot of people in elastic and plaid waiting for these pigs in a blanket. How am I supposed to serve these when they're frozen? I can't make gold out of shit, Costco. Would anyone like a sample of silk

chocolate milk? I think you'd like it. I had a lot of fun making the sample for you. It was frozen, but thankfully we have a blow dryer. I like that Amy is trying to make everything less tense by playing with one of the frogs that's about to be made into frog legs. She's playing with the lower half of the frog's body. Look, everybody.

The frog is dancing. Dancing, dancing, dancing. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. Dance, dance, dance. Drink a Diet Coke. Taylor Swift.

I love her, you guys. And Leon's just staring at her like, this is why I don't FaceTime my children they're morons she's like guys look I've got a fake frog friend squad goals and then people got in some kind of weird argument that I they're too stupid for me to understand what they're talking about

because it was Rocky and Dane and Rocky's getting steak and she's like ooh steak I prayed and God listened and Dane. And Rocky's getting steak, and she's like, ooh, steak! I prayed and God listened. And Dane goes, yeah, but doesn't everybody listen to you? Because, like, ooh, you better watch out if you don't listen to Rocky. Yeah.

Weird. And Rocky was, like, all... He's bipolar or something. Well, it was funny because Rocky was, like, all snippy with him and all mad and she was like, you know, Danny could just turn on

this attitude and he didn't really have that much attitude. She was just pissed because she was just still pissed about that girlfriend thing. She's like, oh, fuck.

She's angry. Like, you want to come at me? Come on. Then come on at me then. And Neil's like, oh, come on you. Get it? Get it?

Why doesn't anyone talk to me? So then the disaster just continued to snowball because the guests wanted to eat and Amy was still sat at the table putting on her little decorative stones and then there were no menus and the guests were getting hangry. And then it was dun-dun, dun-dun.

Microsoft Word drama. Dun-dun-dun-dun. And then you see Kate double like, double spacing something. And it's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's like left justifier, full justify. Left justifier, full justify. She's like, select all. Select all.

Bold, bold, bold, bold, bold. This is what you do on a yacht. You know, on a cruise ship, all they do is just, they just go to a print shop. And they just print it all out. One size font. But no, we use Helvetica, we use Times, we use 12 point, we use 18 point, we use italics, we use bold, we use underline.

At the yacht, all they do is turn around an upside down smile and write on it with one of those erasable markers that it's made for a board that they don't even sell. So then the quail arrives and the quail doesn't have its wine pairing and captain lee doesn't love the food so everything is just a huge disaster but the guests still enjoy the food um and then at the end of the night uh uh leon decides to go up there to say hi to the guests

and he doesn't put on his chef's coat and i love it that it's always Amy pointing it out. Hey! He's not wearing his chef's coat. I'm not wearing his chef's coat. I'm just, oh. How are they supposed to know who he is? We are color-coded like things in a binder. You cannot just walk around unfiled. And that's when Kate really loses it.

She's like, I am over everything about this human. I'm over his attitude. I'm over his T-shirt. I'm over his moves. Just everything. I hate his eyes. I hate his nose. I've never hated a boob crease before today. And then the chef.

Okay, now the chef is just, even though Kate is visibly pissed and they don't like each other, she does, except for the time she goes off when she knows he's probably listening in the hallway. There are times when she acts, I'm not saying she's perfect or whatever, but he's just being, I don't think he would ever speak to a man like this. Ever. No, never. No? And I hate calling random things sexist and blah, blah, blah. But he's really going over the top. And she's been pretty professional.

Well, she was pretty passive aggressive at this point when she was like, So, Leon, did you not have your chef's jacket unavailable? Do you not have a chef's jacket? He's like, I did. I do. And you weren't able to wear it because I didn't feel like wearing it. And she was just like really – she was being very passive aggressive for sure. But he's wrong.

He is a big baby. He is very stubborn. And he was saying the reason why he got his provisions so late was because he only found out they wanted to do a tasting dinner the night before. And therefore – and they didn't request – everything they wanted, they didn't request in their dossier. request in their dossier and kate's argument was they said they are foodies and they want and that he's gonna play with the food so why does he wait until saturday to get the food he should have figured it all out beforehand which is she's right yeah i mean yeah i mean made fight totally made and uh i he's like but the shopping she's like but you should have thought about a uh list have you never learned to make a list, chef?

Do they not teach that in the aisle seven of the soap department where you probably were sweeping up little bits of hair that were left at the Walmart? Did you do that? So, yeah, she is being snippy, but I think there's a difference between – well, obviously, it's not I think. There's a difference between passive-aggressive and just aggressive-aggressive. And if he was passive-aggressive back, I guess, but he's just being aggressive. Like, it's gross. He got really gross at one point. And it's not all the time, but in this scene, he really went overboard. Well, because then he's like, Kate, do you like me?

Do you like me? And she's like, I like your commitment and your passion at this moment, which made me LOL. It's such a, like, I don't know. I don't know how you describe it. Is it restrained? It's a ham in the face compliment. Yeah. Passive aggressive.

It was just so great. He's like, because I don't like you very much at all. I don't like you at all. I don't like you one bit. One bit. I don't like you. Why don't you go talk about me?

Oh, I'm not a good chef. Oh, really? So I'm not a good chef? Oh, well, that's what you said. So why don't you go say it some more about me? Oh, I'm not a good chef. Oh, really? So I'm not a good chef? Oh, well, that's what you said. So why don't you go say it some more? Go talk about how I'm not a good chef. All right, that's it. I don't need to listen to you.

Ah, just get out of here. I don't need to listen. I don't need to look at you. I don't want to see your face. Get out. It's like, okay, enough. And then after when they were talking in the other room, and he just wouldn't leave.

He just kept berating her. And then even when the captain, my captain came in, he's like, hey, guys, anybody else's feet feel a little wet? He comes in and she's just sitting there taking it from him. And he doesn't he's not only not deterred, but he turns back around to give her more shit. He's like, well, what are you looking at the captain for? You think he's going to save you? I'm not talking to the captain. I'm talking to you.

Look at me. Look at me captain for? Do you think he's going to save you? I'm not talking to the captain. I'm talking to you. Look at me. Look at me when I talk to you. And she's just looking like, you know, no one likes being berated like that in front of anybody, really. So she got kind of upset. I mean, for her, you know, for an ice queen, she was kind of upset. Amy's like, are you okay, honey? She's like, well, this just validates everything I was saying. She was a little shaken, but that guy's a dick.

And thank God we know he's gone soon. Bye with your stupid acting like you've never seen frozen food before, except last week or two weeks ago when you didn't know how to open something from the fucking sea. They made it seem like Ben was going to be back this episode but no i guess not they've been really screwing with us with the coming up on below deck they keep on putting stuff that doesn't show up on the episodes but so then uh anyway the charter guests leave it's a good excuse me i just burped it was a good um it was a good charter they get their tip and because this crew's been doing such a good job the owner of the boat says hey take a day off from work take a day off go enjoy yourself at a resort so on the day off that's when the that's when all the ladies get together in the bed and rocky's like do you believe in fairy tales

and amy's like yay we all friends we're all sitting on a bed like the slumber party i always knew we could be it's so nice to have friends hey everyone go? Bunny, you should bring that up. I love fairy tales. I was like Cinderella, except I never finished up picking out the rice from the fireplace, so I never got to go to the ball. Have you been? Tell me what it was like. So then at night,

Captain Lee yells at Dane. He's like, well, you know, I don't mind if you don't know how to do a job. But be honest, I don't know how to do a job. And Dane's like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. He's like, I don't understand. Well, you can see it when you look at his eyes. The lights are on and nobody's home. That's one of the dumbest people I've ever seen in my goddamn life.

It's true. And then Eddie starts to sex Rocky a little bit. He's like, hey there, let's bone. Something like that. Wait, who was sexing her? It was Alex P. Keaton, right? Yeah. So, yeah, he's texting her and his flirt is very, very funny.

Hey, hey, if you stop going to sleep so early on work nights, you might get some stress relief. And then he's like, leaning back in his bed, like smiling at his own text. He's like, what? This guy didn't offer to sperm my face. This is like the most romantic guy on the boat. I'm going to write him a letter and then uh then we were uh privileged enough to see connie get naked again this time with peanut butter on her boobs i'm like this is i don't want to see this i don't want this to be a weekly thing with

connie she's so funny like the newest thing she can put on her boobs she She's like, Connie like peanut butter. Peanut butter make Connie happy. It won't wash off in the water. You know, I hope sharks don't like peanut butter. I guess we're about to find out. It's food all over themselves and then jumps. She's like, we ran out of peanut butter. Connie like beef cheeks.

Jumping into the water with beef cheeks taped to her. A bitch will be dead. Watch what you have Connie jumping with, darling. Meanwhile, four to her, bitch will be dead. Watch what you can't jump in with, darling. Meanwhile, four episodes later, they'll be like, hey, does anyone notice that Connie's missing? Really?

I thought she was here all this time. I know she's here. So is the peanut butter. It's so weird. Oh, that's weird. I always forget about Connie, don't I? Oh, Connie. So then the episode ends

with Dane just getting wasted. He just decides to drink by himself for some reason to celebrate something or another. so then the episode ends with Dane just getting wasted he just decides to drink by himself for some reason to celebrate something or another and he just gets wasted wasted wasted and he gets uncomfortably angry crazy unmanageable

alone he gets wasted alone yeah that's I like when she who said that Amy oh no she I don't remember I think Amy said it she's like no Kate when she, who said that? Amy? Oh, no, she. I don't remember. I think Amy said it. She's like, no, Kate did. She said, he's not only drinking, he's drinking alone at work. Yeah. And he's new.

And he's new. And he's new, yeah. And then the greatest offenses committed. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He spills a little beer on the floor. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He spills a little beer on the floor. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like you're making a maid making a mess. Next week, we watch a maid get burned at the stake.

Yeah, you don't want to be making a mess on a maid's off time. Yeah, she's like, that may be a symptom. And then Rocky comes out. Yes, and bikini t-shirts are also a symptom please go to bed and he's like oh yeah what I'm going to bed well it seems good for one thing the men can clear a room

yeah exactly you could have just farted for much less so that was the end of that one so next week, we get to see this guy get drunk again. That's more fun. And then Alex P gets in his face

and like pushes him. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Oh, we assume it's next week or it could be in three weeks because we never know these previews anymore. Yeah, who knows, you tricky preview makers. Tricky, tricky. I know, every time someone goes up to the captain's room I'm thinking he's gonna

here's your southwest ticket home and you're in boarding group C good luck with that buddy but he never does never alright everyone well thanks for getting through this kooky podcast you can find us watchwhatcrappens.com

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