Watch What Crappens - #2277 RHOSLC, Part 1: Detached From Reality

Episode Date: January 3, 2024

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City season 4 finale (S04E16) was so riveting, so shocking, so unbelievable that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Come join us in the Bermuda Triangle for this monumental hour of television.  Put it in the Library of Congress!  This is part 1 of a 2 part recap.  Stay tuned for part 2!Watch with Crappens on Demand here:  http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cram, cr Hello and welcome to Watch or Crap Ins a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on the old Bravo television. I'm Ben Madelker and joining me today fresh off of a nice long vacation. It's Mr. Ronnie Caram. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi how are you? Doing pretty well, doing pretty well, you feeling rested and relaxed after all that nice time off we got to have. Yes, it's super we're talking to somebody because I haven't talked for five days.

I've taken a vow of silence. It has been amazing. My head is cleared. It turns out so much of my problem in life is my own voice, I'm having to turn my head. So that was nice to be rid of that for a while. And welcome back me. I'm starting the year by dropping my computer, which I just did, and getting a really rough chemical pill,

which I just did. So I've got baby skin and an old limping computer. How's it going with you so far in 24, Benines? Oh, it's going so well. Love ushering in the new year with a huge iconic, historic, Hall of Fame episode of The Real Housewives because of course today we are talking The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City finale, which we've been excited for for two weeks. The last episode aired before Christmas and now here we are January 3rd at the last night. I was looking forward to this. It's been hyped, you know, since that

very first episode, the whole season opened up with Heather Gay on that phone. I'll be wondering what it is. There have been a lot of rumors. I think you were more tuned into the rumors than I was because I still wasn't fully sure what it was. A lot of things. Anyway, we're gonna get into that in about 30 seconds, but before we do just some fun reminders. First of all, hello, welcome back everyone. Second of all, crappy hour is going to be this Monday at 5.30 Pacific time, 8.30 East Coast time. I know a lot of people are going to have a lot of things to say about the Salt Lake City reunion. So that'll be a great time for people to chime in.

Unless, you know, who knows what's gonna happen? I'm Beverly Hills tonight. There could be a whole new thing that just displaces this. This could just be like a one day thing. But I think people will still be talking about this on Monday. So we'll be talking about it on Instagram, at Watcher Crapins, Ronnie is at Ronnie from I'm Append Mandelker. We'll be talking about it, plus other stuff

that happened in the world of Bravo. A lot of stuff has happened, I feel like over the past two weeks, a lot of just silly gossip that we have to talk about, laugh about, weigh in. So come join us for that. And then of course join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch for crap ins, and you get access to things like crap ins onto man,

like videos, you can watch us on video right now you can also get our weekly bonus episode we haven't recorded this week's yet but we'll probably just be catching up from vacation etc etc so those are all the good fun things you should be doing and you know we got news about the crappies coming up soon so keep your ears ready for that we're really excited to announce the date for that and yada yada yada. It's gonna be great. We got a lot of stuff coming up. Yeah, okay, wrap it up. Wrap it up. I did wrap it up.

Literally just did. That's why I stopped talking. I can't wrap it up. Love it. I stopped. So, in my own trail house, so I just saw it like city or as the internet's calling it.

Mother. Mother. Oh my God, you are mother. I come back. Mother God, you are mother. internet's calling it mother mother oh my god your mother I got mad Monica your mother Monica mother I got oh my god I am a brothless I'm recklessly breathless I'm like literally shaking right now I feel like we really as brava fans whipped out every gay stereotype. I mean, I mean both all sexes and genders whipped out every single gay stereotype in the comments the past two days.

It has just been mother, icon, trembling, shaking, literal death. Yeah, it is Twitter has lost its mind. Look, one person even wrote, I can argue that the R.H-O-S-L-C, the Salt Lake City season 4 finale was better than the succession season 4 finale. That was written by me actually. Okay, so I'm basically one of the people. I am one of the people going like, yes, Quint, I'm comic, I got it, finale.

I've lost my mind and I've been posting stuff on Twitter. I am one of the voices and I'm shameless about it. I can't, I was blown away by last night, totally blown away. It was definitely a very good hour of TV. And then I went and watched Monica's live because Monica did a live from her apartment. I did not mean that in a shady way live from her apartment. I did not mean that in a shady way from her house. And Dana was over.

Do you know who Dana is? Dana, that's so funny. I was just thinking about Dana last night. I was like, remember Dana? Ha ha ha. The guys, I did not remember Dana. I was like, who is this? And she's like, this is Dana.

I was like, who? And then she's like, oh my God, look at Dana's titties. And because Dana was standing behind her and like a really pretty dress for her nipples were like headlighting out. It was like headlights, you know? And so Monica's like, oh my God, look at her titties. Total nipples.

And then the rest of the time, Dan just kept rubbing her boob. I guess because she was awkward because attention had been brought to her headlights. But she just kind of like, stood there rubbing her boob. It was the weirdest mind. And they were watching the show live and Monica was like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, like what these commenters said, hey, I mean, like, why doesn't anyone give

them some shot the same energy? Huh? And it was just a bizarre night all around. And it just continued on and on. So thank you Monica for that after show because it was really It was really something it was like a villain getting caught at the end of Scooby-Doo. I see people bringing up Scooby-Doo a lot Because it was very like unmasking the villain, you know and um The whole thing was very Scooby-Doo and she was very villain of Scooby-Doo afterwards too. She's like oh really? I wouldn't have gotten away with that. I'm like, huh? I won't want for those kids. But what about me? She really was and I mean like it was clear she was caught off guard because she was not expecting to be outed at this trip But then once she got her bearings she then started to pivot and be like whatever and then obviously by the end of the episode

She's like, um, I don't think there's such a big deal to have a burner account. So yeah, it's been so funny, interesting watching people's reactions to Monica. People are loving Monica. People are like, she's an icon. She carried the season. If it weren't for her, like there would be no season four, yada, yada, yada. I don't think that she carried the season.

I think that this is a very capable cast, but I think she was a great addition, obviously. But it's just so funny. This is so us as viewers. Like she came in fully as an internet troll and she gets unmasked and we're all like, yes, yes, icon. season five sign her up. Well, I think part of the reason for that is because what she was outed for really wasn't that

bad in the whole scheme of things. I mean, we're we're expecting this to be the worst thing ever, but at the end of the day, I mean, spoiler alert for those of you who haven't watched it, we aren't going to go through every second of what happened, but at the end, the day, I mean spoiler alert for those of you who haven't watched it. We are going to go through every second of what happened. But at the end, it's like, oh, so she was against Gen Shaw on the internet. And wait, and now you're doing a monologue about how hard you wrote for Gen, and you're wanting the audience to be on your side. I mean, the second that monologue, like halfway through that monologue, I was like, she officially, Heather, I'm talking about, just lost this audience.

This is total, everyone's gonna be writing for Monica after this. Didn't you? Yeah, but that was like, oh, you lost this one, oh no. You're mad at somebody for going against Jen Shaw? Hello? I don't know, I have to say,

I feel like rising tide lifts all the boats because I thought it was a great speech. I was like, this speech is so good. This is an amazing amazing speech I feel like I Mean what do you mean by that rising? Yeah, it lifts all but meaning that like the chaos the situation they both are winners to me I had to be it's not a zero sum like they both have risen up like Heather had an amazing Speech that she could only just dream of writing.

Then Monica has this amazing fuck you response. The whole thing is great all around. It was astounding. I think it's probably the best real housewives finale we've seen. That's not said lightly. That means better than the famous prostitution hoi, you know, table flip episode. That was a season finale. Kyle and Kim and the limo.

This was, I mean, that was, to me, that was actually the best finale because that was like the episode was just going along and then all of a sudden like deep family secrets just tumble into view and then sets the tone for the next 12 years of a show. It's hard to top that in my book, but this one may have top that. all of a sudden like deep family secrets, just tumble into view and then sense the tone for the next 12 years of a show. It's hard to top that in my book, but this one may have top that. Well, it was very, very good. That's for sure.

But when she was halfway through that monologue, I was like, oh no, they've really banked everything on this episode and it turns out that Monica, I mean, listen, we were talking about, oh, we shouldn't release anything because we watched the screener. Now, we didn't get, it wasn't that early, but mean, listen, we were talking about, oh, you know, we shouldn't release anything because we watched the screener. Now, we didn't get, it wasn't that early, but it was like maybe two hours early that we saw it.

And so we were making memes and stuff as one, as we do. And we were like, well, what do we spoil? Because we can't spoil anything. Like people have to see this. And then the second this starts airing, Monica has done a whole photo shoot, okay? Monica did like a whole photo shoot. Okay. Monica did like a whole photo shoot where she had pictures of herself blown up into newspapers that says Monica is reality vantes.

And then she's like posing, ripping up the newspaper, burning up. I'm like, yeah. No one really knows how to dive into the pit of mud, you know, like good for her. Like what are you? What are you going to do? It's very Chicago to me, you know, like the whole thing, like just dancing around, just excited to be famous, you know, just like, yes, so block-tangle, yeah, bash, I have to say, that is really a perfect comparison. And I have to say that literally, like Monica, yes, had that

thing up the photo shoot ready to go. Not a single person even tried to do a spoiler alert. I feel really bad for the people who were spoiled because it was literally like the moment the information was up, it was just like blatant headlines and every account was like, Gen Shaw gave the black eye to Heather. And then I was like, wow, I was like, you guys are just putting it all out there. But, you know, thankfully we had saw it ahead of time. But I was a little, actually I say, I was a little disappointed because I, first of all,

I was surprised by the reveal. I thought the reveal was that Heather was gonna discover that Monica was suing Beauty Lab or whatever that situation was. And that's kind of what it was But it was obviously larger with this reality vantise thing But I didn't remember who reality vantise was so when Heather's like she's reality vantise I'm like, oh, and I was like okay, I need a little bit more context here so that way I could be shocked I'm not quite there yet. So I was like it took me a moment there

But I still was like shocked when I found that when they explained it to me. I was like, it took me a moment there. But I still was shocked when I found that, when they explained it to me, I was like, oh my god, that's wild. But the black eye thing, I was like a little upset about because Andy Cohen had said on Water Happens Live that we're gonna find out the truth about the black eye later in the season. And I had forgotten about that.

And then of course, people start posting it yesterday and being like, don't forget that we're gonna find out about the black eye tonight. So when it was revealed, I yesterday and being like, don't forget that we're gonna find out about the black eye tonight. So when it was revealed, I was kind of like, I wish that had been more out of left field for me. You know, I was a little upset at the internet for that. But that's really indecisive. Well, we still don't really know,

it's really indecisive. We still don't really know the truth about the black eye. Do we, do we still, do we know anything? We still don't know anything, you know? And that's, they're very good at teasing us out because Okay, she gave you the black eye how because from what I remember from that episode they were shit face They were rolling around on the bed humping each other getting naked I mean

Yeah Yeah, I mean. It's fucking so. That's what she did not fall off about everyone. So now it's like, okay, well, what did happen? Did, uh, did she get mad in that night? And then just punch Heather? Is that what happened? Or did she, did, were they just messing around? And Heather accidentally got elbowed in the face

and now she's acting like, and she gave me the back up. We still don't know, we still don't know. And you know what, that's what keeps you fun, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I mean, but by the way, also, one of the reasons why this was such a good finale for me was that it truly was the culmination of the entire season. I think on weaker real housewives seasons what happens is you can see them trying for

stuff and there'll be a fight that happens in the first few weeks and then a fight in the middle and then a fight just sort of like these flare ups of fights that don't they're sort of like not connected and then it's sort of like the whole season just sort of ends. But then here, if you think about it, Heather started to investigate Monica because she just felt like there was something weird about Monica's stories and then with the whole Angie, the DMs about Meredith, about Angie,

that was the thing that seemed to really push Heather into like full suspicion mode. And if you think about it, like, that is such a tie-in, like, if we didn't have that whole silly storyline, Angie and Meredith's feud has been so silly all season long, it's based off of nothing. They've just been angry at each other. And yet, it's a pivotal building block

that leads us to this moment. And I love seasons where things that happen the season build on each other and snowball and then come to a climax. And that's totally what happened this episode. Well, there you go. Very well done, everybody. So now, let's start talking about it from the very beginning. I would also like to give a special shout out

to the music department. We love the music department on this show. I think it's probably one teenager on a Casio keyboard. Whoever you are, Sir Warman, I love you. I love you. I love your fake, I love your fake haze through the whole thing. I love your reinvention of the, the coral haw using it in country music we've seen this year. This time we got some metal drumming haze. We got some Bermuda Metal Drum. Ha! Ding ding ding. Island Paws. Thank you. If you will.

Yes. Yes. Very good. Also, very good on the sound effects and the evolution of the... Bermuda. Because normally that sound is for... They've just done a big scene and someone just made a point and the scene's almost over and it's just like, and that is when the lights went out in Georgia.

And then it goes. Bermuda. Yeah. Now, this time we got a lot of Bermuda and then we got a lights went out in Georgia. And then it goes. Yeah. Now this time we got a lot of burr, and then we got a lot of burr, and then we even got a whore. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr was top-not. I mean, it really was. The music was amazing. Also, I wanna thank the Lord. You know why? Because I wanna thank the Lord for providing wind at every dramatic moment.

Every time that Heather got up to make a speech, like when Heather had to tell people something, anytime something dramatic happened, there was like wind blowing. It was like Beyonce. Like everyone's hair was like blowing dramatically from their faces, their dresses were like flapping. It was just like perfect.

It was like God said, you know what? I feel like we have an iconic episode happening here, and I think I need to add my little touch because I can take it to the next level right now. And so like the entire episode, it just was like everything was swirling around them. It was just like perfect gay cinema. It really was.

And just, yeah, the weather in general, and just how it was always thundering and lightning. God was like, yeah, that's great, I'm involved out. Also, you know what? While we're just kissing this show's ass, let's move on to sound design. Because I watched the gilded age over break, which by the way, still have the stick stuck up my ass from that show.

I mean, my God. Every little thing was like, Oh, the man, the postmaster came. What the hell are you talking about? Someone on my read. Oh! I mean, Jesus Christ, that show. I haven't seen that show,

but I did watch Christine Buransky on the Kennedy Center Honors, which I feel like is a pretty close approximation. So, yeah, go on. Christine Buransky, playing Christine Buransky on the Kennedy Center Honors, which I feel like is a pretty close approximation. So yeah, go on. Christine Buransky, playing Christine Buransky. I mean, I feel like this is the true Christine Buransky. But yeah, I watch that show. And one of the best things about that show

is just the technical stuff. I mean, just the look of it, the use of the costumes. I mean, Bob Mackie is the costume designer. Wow. So I want just like to give a shout out to not a shout out because that's you know if you do something that doesn't agree with you. I mean you know. But just to the Bob Mackie of this show probably you know Bobby. Bobby Smith. Bobby Smith. Bob Hackie in Salt Lake City. Whoever you are. Amazing work. I mean, Heather's yellow Tweety bird dress on the beach with or how Whitney comes out to the beach to meet her because she's like, what's going on? I wouldn't just come me out all urgently, but she's wearing basic seat belts as a dress.

I'm just like, I can't. This show is hilarious. I mean, the whole thing really, really well done, but I will never forget that yellow dress. I'm telling you, I loved that it was like kind of Tweety bird, but it was also like Roman, you know, because everyone's like, oh my God, this is my Roman Empire. Which by the way, I just learned

ever Christmas break with that band from the reality case. I had no idea what that even meant. But I loved that it was like a toga, the whole thing. Okay, we can get into it now. And now thank you to the God Zeus of Thunder and lightning who will control the rest of this episode. Oh, I love you, I love you.

And as always, we always hear in housewise weather. It's like, I love that we got a thunder. I know. It was, I mean, everything was just like really firing on all cylinders from the weather to the organza. It was just amazing. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap-ins commercial. So yeah, thunderstorms. Excuse me, I'm having a burp.

I'm emotional. So now we hear Heather's voice over. We hear her saying, there's something I need to tell you guys, guys, guys, and it's big and it's not good, good, good. And then we hear her saying, like, she's ridiculous. And then Lisa saying, you're ridiculous, dude, Heather. We're just seeing like flashes of everyone yelling at each other at what turns out to be the permute of triangle party, you know?

Yes. And Heather, who's been bullying us for the past four years, and then we cut back to Heather. And she's on the beach in her toga, and she's like, I had some information confirmed today, and I've been wrestling with that all day. And I'm not sure how to tell you, blue memory, Angie waving a doll around. And her saying, Monica, why were you talking shit about me? We were supposed to be friends, and Monica's like,

you know why, you know. And then we get another shing. Thunder. I then back to Heather, back on the beach saying, she is not who she says she is. And then Whitney going, are you fucking serious? And Lisa going, I'm fucking serious. And then Angie's saying, you are a fucking nasty bitch.

So it's just like lots of stuff happening all at once. Like just priming us for what this disaster of an episode will be. You nasty non-Greek bitch. Boom, boom. Boom, psssss. And then we're back and others like she has plotted. She has profited from our lies, from our pain. It's like us? Are they talking about us? Finally, watch what happens. It's gonna be brought into some shit.

Finally. Finally. That's natural. Let's move on. I've had enough of the conversation. Thank you. As Meredith at the party and then Heather, it was lies. Pure lies. No, there's no dark ass litters secrets. Clearly you're the one with the secret. And then we get a flash of Whitney's face, a flash of Meredith's face, a flash of Monica's face, a flash of Heather's face, a flash of Juan the bus boy's face, a flash of a crab's face, Thunder lightning, sing. Oh, how did we all fall for it? And then we get the classic real alert. You're not the brightest.

Okay. We're asking questions. Many are really that bright. Okay. Yeah, asking like how did Whitney fall for something? I'm always like, how did she not fall for something usually? Like, I mean, how many night's year in princess has she saved?

So now we have a rewind for eight hours earlier. It's like, doing that whole thing. And now it's like, it's sunny in Bermuda. Everything is happy and lovely. Like, what could go wrong? There's no drama on the horizon. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalal A B, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I'm talking about her wine. But I'm having a good time. I hope you guys are too. I'm drawing for more people, my out. And then we see Lisa drinking coffee on her balcony and then Monica's opening up her blinds. And Whitney is, so Whitney and Monica are pretending

that they're like really hungover and bad. Like Whitney has like a blanket over her face. And so Monica opens up the blinds and it's like, you know, check out this view. And then Whitney takes down the blanket, like, oh my god, I am so hungover. But of course her face is like in full drag makeup. So kind of revealed that she's not just waking up right now.

Oh my god, please stop taking away the magic from this show. So I'm sorry. It's like the first time someone showed you how the hills was staged or something or wrestling. Yeah. Like what are we on the Universal Studios tour? I don't want to know. Well, maybe she got drunk at the middle of the night and put on drag makeup and went to

sleep. That could happen. She is very good friends with Trixie Mattel. So Monica's like, I'm so hairy. Are you feeling by the way? Are you going to talk to her every day by the way? And Whitney said, well, I was like really pissed off yesterday because like, still, I tried to go down to the beach to have a moment with her. But then Heather was like, don't even talk to me.

I was just like, I was really upset. You were chasing her screaming about how she exploited your vagina with me. What, what are you acting like she acted in? She ordered the wrong poop poo platter at the place. Wait a minute. You literally caught up to her by swinging yourself around a pole until you had enough speed

that you could launch yourself across the parking lot. Okay, what are you talking about? So she's like, last night when we got back, I really wanted to make things right with Heather because of what had happened. It's like, you exploited my vagina in your butt. You exploited my vagina in your butt. Girl, I was screaming that all week. This two week break, I've screamed.

You've exploited my vagina for your book. Eight times, nine times. Like I was actually hoping Santa would come down the chimney just so I could accuse him of exploiting my vagina for his book. That'd be great, he'd be so awkward about it too. He'd be like, ah, well, ah, well. So that Whitney's like, But Heather has not ready to talk yet.

So I decided to take a moment for myself and allow myself to grief and honor my friend Sherry. So as she said, after screaming about your vagina, yeah, it's like, well, I couldn't scream. You exploited my vagina anymore. So it was time to grief my friend Sherry. I mean, as soon as she said that, I was like, she's going to use this grief, she's going to use this as a weapon against someone. Like I was like, I don't know how it's gonna happen, but she's gonna say, so you're gonna come at me

when I was grieving for Sherry? I was like, I know she's gonna do it. That's why she mentioned it. That's what it mean. That's our girl. You exploited my vagina. So she's like, but yeah, I was grieving Sherry. So we cut back, I'm on it because like,

well, when they can find yeah, I was craving cherry so we cut back. I'm on it because like well when they can find you I would think Are you guys like with Whitney and Lisa and they're like no she at least has said no Whitney is probably somewhere being dramatic Can you believe it? Felisa to come e dramatic. I'm sorry bitch You're the one who lost your shit on a yacht. That pisses me off. Like okay, here comes Whitney trying to like drum up a new feud to stay relevant on the season. Yeah, and Monica, I mean just doing it from bad Monica's just like staring at you know when you hook up with somebody and you're just

Waiting for them to wake up to see if they're horrified or if they actually like are you like as you know that morning thing you never know if someone's gonna like look horrified that they were with you or be like oh hey that was fun you know you never know Monica kind of has that where she's staring at Whitney just waiting for her to wake up and Whitney wakes up and she doesn't even care what Whitney thinks about their night together she's just like you want to start a fight with Lisa?, you want to start a fight with Lisa? You want to start a fight with Heather? You want to start a fight with Mary? Do you want to start a fight with, I've got plenty to go on.

Yeah, Monica has happened through gasoline on any fire or just to light the match and then throw the gasoline on it. She will just say what anyone else is saying. She just delivers the information of what anyone else says behind someone's back and everyone falls for it. So then we have Angie walking into the kitchen and she says, despite last night's drama, I'm super excited for today. We are going on Greek mopads and we're going shopping.

And let's just say I hope these bitches can rally because we have a fun day planned. I love when Angie puts her per fingers, but she's like excited to be sassy. She's like, I hope these bitches are ready, finger pointing, because I'm sassy right now. She does, and she's just stuck with, I mean, she's awkward enough when she's around friends, but when she's just around the way to her,

she's like, wow, hello, this is so lovely down here. Look at you, did you make Greek yogurt for Nella? Greek yogurt granola, I'm Greek. Keep us in shape. So we can wear our Greek keenies. How am I right? Ha ha ha ha ha. I just look at you. I'm like lady. No wonder why we're not going to want to go home. She is totally, you know what? Give her 30 years and she's going to be the lady on the airplane sitting next to you, like starting up a conversation. So, first time on an airplane, do you fly to Greece often? Ha ha ha.

These are barfags. I know, I remember what these are for. There's nothing like my sister's wedding. Let me tell you about it. It was Greek. It's like, oh my God. Oh, lady. So then Whitney goes to Heather's room

and Heather says, come in and Whitney does it. She's like, I will wait. You've exploited my vagina. So Heather has to come open the door. I don't know why that bugged me. If I tell you to come in, come in. What do you act like such a victim about you can't even open the door, you know? She does have a split door. I respected you. I'm like you respecting my vagina. Can we talk? Heather goes, of course. And then how the just tears that are like,

oh, you're gonna be the one that starts this. So then after like an awkward pause. What he's like. When he's like, Hi, would you like to apologize now? How the hell's like, no, be going. You start this one. Let's see where this goes.

So she goes, I'm sorry that I upset you so badly last night. I honestly did not expect that much sorry that I upset you so badly last night. I honestly did not expect that much reaction when I accused you on national television of exploiting my vagina, my sexuality, and being a predator for a book. Now there's like, I know it's surprised even me my reaction. Even me. And Whitney says, well, you've mentioned a few times, like read the book, read the book, but consciously, I didn't know how I'd react consciously with my consciousness.

I didn't want to be unconscious about. Cous, couscous. Mine. Mine. Whitney. Come on, man. She's like, yeah, consciously, I didn't know how it would react. I would react. So Heather's like, but you didn't even have to read it. I read you every page and every word. I read you the whole section of your part and she said, yeah, but I know.

And then you even took out the part I asked you to. And she goes, yeah, and you left it. She says, but I hadn't read it. She goes, but I read it to you with me. You heard every word. She goes, but it, not after the revision. She told you about it. She got an okay. Whitney is really really so bad on me. Like watching Whitney get into fights is always hilarious. Like any other housewife who'd be, you know,

you'd be like, oh, she's trying so hard to be on the show, but Whitney just not really, and she starts fights. She doesn't seem to fully understand. And others like, I took the word out that you didn't want in there. What part did you not like? And she goes, the Titanic analogy? And it goes, but that was always in there. I mean, it was the whole reason why I did the panties thing. And you said, but it was your idea. And I said, okay, I'll change that even though I thought it was last funny, you know? And then that gets like a little pah. But how are you gonna get mad at the Titanic reference when your whole character is based on, you know, everybody just assuming you're gonna go down?

Golf carts straight ahead. So Heather's, Heather's like, okay, this is everything that enraged her. So Heather reads the passage. Jack, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. It was a Titanic knot. I don't get it. She reached down and slowly removed her pirate patch panties. Ohoy, Mady, I photographed her from the belly button

to backside without breaking a sweat. This is the book. This is what I got crucified for. I don't see it. And she's like, Well, I just felt a little bit exploited because it made me feel like, wow, she's not doing this for her husband.

Like, she's down to get down on all fours and I can photograph her from her belly to her bow. Oh, did Whitney not understand Titanic? I'm sorry, do we have to clarify Titanic for Whitney? Rose, the whole point that, the whole reason why it was significant that Rose said, paint me like your French girls, is because Rose is prim and proper and she's not a loose woman and she's not throwing herself around.

So this was like a moment of extreme intimacy for Rose and Jack. And the fact that Whitney looked at Titanic and like saw Rose, it was like, slur, you know, it just was such a funny take away. It's so Salt Lake City. Did you watch that pornography Titanic? So Heather's like, wait a minute, I did not use a word butthole. I mean, she just told us a quote, it was a belly button to backside.

So it's not like it's much better. But when he's like, yeah, and also I paid for her. She was the photographer for Boot-Wool phone. For Boot-Wool phone. Boot-Wool phone. Boot-Wool phone. Boot-Wool phone. Boot-Wool, boot-Wool phone.

Boot-Wool phone. Boot-W, bow with bow, jack power, photo shoots. I'm not, now this is where she finally got me to her side a little bit, because she's like, I'm not the Tay Tanny where I invited her to my room and then I'm like, draw me Jack, it was not that. It was a transaction for my husband for anniversary. Okay, now you're just complaining about the service and I can get behind that.

Like I paid you to take pictures of my butthole for my husband, okay? And now you're writing about it in a book, do I get my many back? Because normally that's called influencing. So normally I should get those shots for free if you're gonna talk about my butthole. I mean, it's only fair.

But also like I love how she's clearly getting a Boudoir photo done and she's concerned that people think that they're Boudoir photos on spec. I'm not like, we know they're for Justin. If you're getting a Boudoir photo and you're married, we know they're most likely 95% sure they're for Justin. But she's like, I don't just go and take Boudoir photos, just for fun. It's like, no, we don't think so. That's why they're B Justin, but she's like, I don't just go and take bootwar photos just for fun.

It's like, no, we don't, we don't think so. That's why they're bootwar photos. So she's like, well, it hurt my feelings. It made me feel like my sexuality was being taken advantage of. And Heather's just like, yeah, okay. So now, at this moment of being upset about that, Heather's like, okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry it got to where it did. And what he's just like, yeah. Heather's like, cousins forever, smart cousin dumb cousin. That's our rules.

And so they hug. And she goes, cousin Whitney Rose, never bad timing at all. Never bad timing. And she says, what mean bad bad timing at all never bad timing And she says what what mean bad timing. I just brought it up. You're the one he went crazy. Please cut to you Now they all pile into a sprinter van for today's activities cut to Angie with her figure pointing. Yes big excitement did to a sprinter van for today's activities, cut to Angie with her figure pointing. Yes, big excitement, did the A. And Lisa was like, oh my God, you guys, we're gonna look so cute on our scooters.

Ah! So they- Welcome to our scooter ride. We are going on scooters in Bermuda. Okay, Angie, you don't have to narrate the whole thing. Just get in the fucking car already. It's no wonder we're not gonna want to go home. Am I right?

Please stop talking to the valet, he doesn't care. So now they're worried because Meredith doesn't drive. Right, which I could have sworn that we've seen Meredith driving up a million times, but maybe she's always been driven up. Yeah, it makes sense, because I feel like, I don't know if this has ever been articulated before,

but then when they said Meredith doesn't drive, it's like, yeah, that makes sense. She definitely does not drive. Like I feel like we've never seen her. With even Brooks was driving Meredith this earlier this season, right? That was Brooks in the driver's seat. Meredith just does not drive.

Well, it just goes to show how observant we are because every housewives, I mean, the whole formula is like someone dreams of a car door opens. A shoe comes out. The person walks up a driveway to someone's house. So we've seen her get out of 9xzillion cars as my point. So you would think that I would have noticed that we've never seen a drive. But you know, I guess that's why the snowbank thing was even that much more important. So I just would love some sort of like the end of like a some sort of neo-noir. Maybe it's because we were just like watching clips from the usual suspects or whatever. But some clip were like like, some detective realizes that Meredith is always getting out

of the passenger side. Like, oh my God, she never was driving. I just want to see a super clip of that. Anyway, this is my life. So Meredith, she is on the Mo-ped, and she has a blazer on, of course. She has a blazer on to Mo-ped, and it's not only just a blazer,

it actually goes all the way down to her knees. This is what her outfit was. What she selected to go on a Mo-Pet around Bermuda and Tropical Bermuda. I like Whitney sitting on the Mo-Pet, crossing her legs. Yes. These people are all a disaster.

Okay. And then Monica's doing that like, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, baby, I mean, ah! Broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, broom, like crashing and everything. And the safety doing that like, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,ating them. Yeah, well, my pet safety guys. Okay, it's a world of spas. It's very dangerous. Okay, I had to go to school for that.

I had to get an education for that. And these people are just willing, milling all over their vespas in a parking lot without any education. And you got hit once, didn't you? Um, I was hit. I was run off the road and I ran into a curb one time, and that was the worst one, because it was by that pool on, not by the Pacific Design Center, you know there's that public pool there. So I was going to that, and I was driving straight, and I was looking to see if my friend was at the pool,

and the curb went in for parking, and I it and I hit it and I flew off the thing and smacked down into the sidewalk and slid. And then someone walked by me and went, what the fuck man? Like I got in his way on the sidewalk. Thanks sir. Like, believe me. The Lucia de Helmet on, right? Yes, I did have Helmet. I can empathize as someone who served as the curb recently to a lady on a bird scooter

who crashed into me. As someone who was a victim of vehicular violence, I can understand. I can give it the other side of it, which is that it wasn't pleasant for me either. So I didn't actually run into him, though. Okay. This is like if that lady ran into you, I were a prosecutor, and then someone else passed by you, and went, Jesus Christ, man, get out of the way. And you're like, I've just been victimized, sir. Yeah. The point is that we've seen things that we've experienced. Well, I remember the first time you saw me on my

best spot. Actually, you're driving past you and your friend. Jenny, and I stopped and said, Hi, and you went, Oh my God, you're on the best spot. I've never heard you laugh so high. You do not have a high one. So unexpected. Okay, wait, no, okay, wait, no, here's why. Here's why. Ever since I've known you, you've always driven like a fiat and a Prius, you do not have a high one. Look at that, I'm so unexpected. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, like all the time car, but they're always sort of like rounded and sort of cascading over you. And then all of a sudden, like out of nowhere, you just show up on like a little Vespa and it was so out of contact.

First of all, it was funny just to run into you on the street. And then you were on a little Vespa and it just was such a funny thing because you got like a little helmet on and you had this big smile and it was just like, it was hilarious. It was just like out of nowhere, Ronnie is a V best one person.

Well that was some pleasure I heard from your voice. It was amazing. It was amazing. It was honestly, it was such a delightful memory. Like I still remember exactly, it was at the corner of Fuller and Hollywood where that happened. It was on the way to Rennian Canyon.

Yeah, that's great. That's great. So, God, I remember when I used to hike. Okay everybody, don't do that anymore. Talk about getting safer in my life I don't climb things and I don't walk places because of all of the things we've just said in the past five It's okay stay inside You never know if you're left by a bird scooter or a best-bus scooter or have a Ronnie flying at you on the sidewalk Is that what you want or an old Mann. The or just Angie can.

Just Angie can, a scooter. She's like, oh, I know how to drive this now because I've been in, I've been in Greece, Bermuda. Oh my God. Okay, so Meredith's like, oh my God, we can't, how can we come off this bad thing? Which is the break, you have to push it forward. I can't believe anybody let Marideth on this thing.

So now it's fun in games time. You know, they do these vespas. And then they pass a goat and Heather says hi. And the goats like a flashback to the pioneer day where the goats are like damn, I ain't just calling me, you know, man. So the merident of goats. Yeah, and so then this goat just goes yassss. I love that they're making the goats okay, that's great. So now they drive to town. My mother, I come, traveling.

So they get into town and Heather wants to go to a perfume ery and the others are going to go shopping elsewhere. So Angie is walking with Heather and Monica. And you know, there's Angie's making a small talk. Are you guys ready to go home? It's like what I was telling the guy in the kitchen this morning. Not gonna want to leave here. Am I right? Ha ha ha. And then Monica's like. Monica. No wonder we had so much fun on our fast bus. I'm Creek.

I feel like I just I can't believe it took me all season to realize how much how pattern she makes, and sort of like a non-fight scene. She just has a lot of pattern. She has a lot of explanatory pattern. Yeah, she's the one who's like, here we are at an outside lunch. I love eating lunch outside with my girlfriend, which we are since high school. Heather, remember when we knew each other in high school?

I don't know. Mixed me want to eat outdoors every day, am I right? We are since high school, Heather. Remember when we knew each other in high school. Mixed me want to eat outdoors every day, am I right? It's like that's like her, she always has those sort of comments. Mixed you want to do this every day, am I right? Um, so Monica's like, well, by the way, sorry everyone, my falsetto is a little messed up today because I have a new year's cold, so my voice is down to crazy, that's why. So Monica's like, well girl,, even though like I didn't get

to meet up with my family in Bermuda, like exploring Bermuda, it's like very nostalgic for me, girl, like just knowing that my family came here and like helped build these buildings and these homes, it's like truly such a gift to be able to be here. My family built this place. So then, they go to this perfumery and the perfume lady is like,

Jimmy Garoflamy. Jimmy Garoflil. I love your thick rimmed glasses. Makes me want to watch reality bites N24 again. Ha ha. The lady is like, so guys, welcome to the Parfumari. This is a fragrance found in the shipwreck. Gourmet, that was not a smell like a shipwreck.

What was that? What was that? What was that? Thank you. This actually deserves as much attention as the reality of aunties reveal. Because what the hell is this? It's a fragrance that was recovered from one of the many shipwrecks.

So that means that either it's a fragrance built off the shipwreck or they found a jar of perfume in a shipwreck. It's a dead person. It's a dead person. It smells like shipwreck. What a shipwreck. I don't know. I'm like wet nickels. Like it's not going to smell good.

I'll tell you that. It smells like Jack's pee. Okay, because that's where he is Jack it smells like Long time to cap for you. It smells like Francis Fisher So yeah Heather forgot her wallet so Monica's like, I am any guys I can totally paint for this and Heather's like really? I'll pay you back at the house like yeah And it's $725 What what for shipwreck perfume Really? I'll pay you back at the house like yeah And it's $725

What what for shipwreck perfume for dead decaprio smell. No, thank you But I still don't like what is this what is this scent? Okay? Okay, we have just okay. We have to stop with our fascination with things that are underwater Okay, like it did not go well for those people over the summer, okay? And I don't know why we're going down there to get perfume out of there. But we just have to stop. I just don't know the tragedy, don't you think, too? I feel like, you know, whatever happened is sex selling.

Let's go back to sex sells, okay? I feel like now everything is like tragedy or trauma or pain of some kind, you know what I mean? Like everybody's like, do you wanna have lunch? Not really, but I'm traumatized. Here's my childhood, and then they tell you all of their phobias and all this bullshit. Let's go back to like sex selling, okay?

Like I don't want shipwreck. I don't want shipwreck perfume, okay? I want fucking perfume. I would rather you tell me, do you know what this perfume is based off of? Ask. That's what it is. You wanna buy it?

Get going. I asked for your perfume ring. Um, question. When you watch this scene at this moment, when Heather like, forgot her card and she looks panicked, and Monica pays for it, it felt to me like there was a vibe like like, hey audience pay attention to this because this is actually going to be the unraveling of whatever happened played in the episode. So I was like, hey audience pay attention to this, because this is actually going to be the unraveling of whatever happened played in the episode. So I was like, ooh, this means something,

but I'm not sure that it meant anything at all. Heather was definitely running some kind of a game here where she already knows all this information and she is setting stuff up, right? Yes, because she made a card. She made a card at this point. Yeah, this credit card was green. Okay, Yes, because this credit card. This credit card. This credit card. Yeah, this credit card was green. Okay, did you recognize the credit card?

I went out looking at every little piece of this like evidence. And I was like, that is not the color of my capital one card, but it's reminiscent of it. Was it like a basic American Express? No, I think it was just, I don't know if it was like prepaid. I don't know what it was like prepaid.

I don't know what I'm trying to say, because they already knew that Monica's not as wealthy as everybody there. I don't know if they were going to say, I'm sorry, ma'am, but your name doesn't match the name on your ID, because also some, I was thinking it was something like she's trying to get her to show her ID or something, basically, Because, do you remember earlier in the season, this is something that we also just let go at the time, but now that you look back, you start seeing some of the colliders, right?

I don't know what you're gonna say, but I'm so excited, because I feel like it's gonna be great. Well, you remember when she was fighting with her mother in the restaurant and her mother was taking solace from that kind plant. Best seed of the, one of the best seeds of the season. Actually, maybe it's still the best seed of the season

despite everything that was on this episode. Go on. So the mom, she just kept giving it to the mom. And the mom finally was like, you better watch it, Monica. Fowler, she doesn't say Fowler. She said her other, I mean Monica does go by a lot of different names.

There's Garcia and there's Fowler. I think it's her, but there's D or something. Yeah, she called her by the other name. She goes, how dare you call me that? And she goes, it's Fowler. There's like a D, I think it's hard but they're a D or something. Yeah, she called her by the other name, she goes, how dare you call me that? And she goes, it's that name I gave. It was something like that. And I remember talking about it at the time, being like, oh my God, why is the mom threatening Monica

with this other name? Because Lee said also made a tweet at that time that was something like, oh, you can't even use your real name. Like, you can't come after me on the internet when you have like 10 names. And then everyone's like, oh, you can't even use your real name. Like, you can't come after me on the internet when you have like 10 names. And then everyone's like, that's not fair, because Monica is Portuguese. And so it's normal to use three names,

or there were all these things, like you can't say that. And this is like, you're victimizing Monica by even suggesting that it's weird that she would have a different name. And anyway, all that stuff came flooding back to me during this one. And I thought Heather was like, what is your last name then? Because I've just found these other monocas in the Beauty Lab database, which we find out about later.

So I think Heather was like trying to figure some stuff out. Yeah, I think that's fair because we do find out later that I mean, Heather, the phone call that Heather receives was not the first time she received this information. It was just like she had started to, she had started to already gather this information, but that was the phone call that seemed to confirm everything, but needless to say,

it makes me realize that Ralph Pittman walked so that way Monica could run, you know. Wait, who's Ralph Pittman walked so that way Monica could run. Wait, who's Ralph Pittman? What's wrong with me? How dare you? How dare you not remember Ralph Pittman? Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently.

Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently.

Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. Oh, Ralph Pittman apparently. How could you forget me? The cameras and the living room, the hidden cameras. Um, yeah, I remember. God, this is just a lot. Can I just take a moment to say, this is so much, this show. Like it's given us so much, but it's just a lot. Because then we start talking about memories

and then I find that I've been talking 15 minutes in a row. I don't even know why I can't stop. So it's good though. And then I'm now thinking about all these other episodes and then all these other episodes are crashing into my brain and it's just like mush. It's And then I'm thinking about all these other episodes and then all these other episodes are crashing into my brain and it's just like mush, it's mush, I'm exhausted, I'm literate, this is too much for my first time back. Yeah.

Also by the way, retroactively I'm mad at the Atlanta producers because Ralph Pippman had all those different identities and they could have done something with that so much. Look at what they're doing on Salt Lake City. Look at how beautifully they're doing it. I want it landed. Next time they have someone like Bladen Fraud, like Drew and Ralph, like, go for it. Do it right. So follow the template that's put here.

There were a lot of things on Twitter that, there was one thing that was very funny. That was like, I'm talking like my mother now. There was one thing on Twitter that was very funny actually that I want to tell you about Benjamin. I don't want to support Mark's I mean, I don't want to support Elon Musk by repeating this, but you know, it is what it is. Let someone say Monica, she went from Gen Shaws assistant to reality TV blogger, to first share at the reunion. It's the blueprint. I was like, it's kind of amazing and true.

Well, I'm to the Golden Age. So that is something they say in the Golden Age, like, well, it is America. Or Burmuda in this case. So Monica's car, so Monica's gonna pay for Heather's shipwreck perfume. This episode has it all. Monica's gonna pay for Heather's shipwreck perfume. This episode has it all.

And her car doesn't work. So of course, you're like, oh, so you know, I think this is just also a great red herring that they're doing. And she's like, girl, it would be like the icing on my mother effing birthday cake. If I freaking carped a client right now in front of these women, like none of these women would ever see me again.

I would disappear the Burmino triangle on Burbass. Mm-hmm. And she's like, you know, these bitches were like, oh my god, her card was declined. Yeah. And she's like, no, I was just thinking, I am so glad I remembered to do that when we left. I called the Greek bank and I said,

I will be out of the town I will be out of the country not in Greece, but I will be wearing a Greek teeny. I am Greek I called the bank of Afro-Diety and said please put an international hold on my account. Thank you I love that we are riding mo pets right now. No wonder we never want to go home so MoPeds right now. No wonder we never want to go home. So she about to like hack up along here. This is so funny. So she gets the card to work. Everything's fine and everything's okay. I was going to say something about this declined card thing. I don't remember anymore. So meanwhile, they all meet up again.

The other group has done some sort of shopping at a place called Like You Were Loved, which is so funny that they won't even let Monica go there on her birthday. They bring Monica to the island to meet her family. Her family won't see her and now they won't even let her go to her place called you were loved.

Yeah, it's really not the best birthday trip from Monica. They're like, okay, Monica, we're ready to go home. Could you open the trunk from Monica? Go ahead and open the... Ha ha ha ha. The best special. We can put people in trunks. Makes me never want to leave.

Am I right? Hmm. Um, glad to hear that my family isn't the only family putting people in trunks. Great Mafia! So, now they're going back and it's one hour later and guess what it is? O storm! A pow!

Broom! Psh! Psh! Zeus has rolled in with his Thunderbolts and so thunder and lightning and a phone ring. Here a phone ring, it sounds like an office phone because of course Heather has that and there's a camera that's just like on the floor in the hallway in the house. Like clearly they're not like really shooting shooting but thank by the way thank you SLC for keeping the cameras rolling.

I mean how many years it'll take us to learn these lessons? I mean, there was the Bolo 9 Atlanta. There was last year in Heather's room. Just keep the cameras rolling no matter what so they do. And they pick a lot of. And it was like a foot locker cam or like a payless shoe cam. You know, it was like low, it was on the ground. You know, it was like the mirror when you're trying on shoes, how they have the mirror on the bottom of the stool. It was operated by Star Joads. What do you mean?

Wasn't she like a pay less spokesperson or something like that? I don't know why I went there. I just wanted to invoke, I wanted to invoke Star Joads. This episode is so ridiculous. It's so camping over the top, like we needed to invoke Star Jones. This episode is so ridiculous. It's so camping over the top, like we needed to invoke Star Jones. It has been a good. Okay, so.

Yeah, so they basically just leave the cameras on the ground just running. That only we get, that's how this show is. They're like, they probably didn't even mean to do it. They probably just left the damn camera on the ground because this is the community theater of Housewives, you know, but Heather gets a call and we hear outside of Heather's room and we just hear her going, hey, what did you find out?

Are you kidding me right now? You shut the fuck up. You shut up. Nothing. So, oh my god, here she goes. Here she goes here she goes Stop the real is the Oscar nomination So that production comes scampering in because of course they're listening and how there's like I am trembling I am traveling. I can't believe it's her also do you know what plywood smells like because I'm kind of trying out this new set

Are you down to try? Is this the way it's supposed to smell? Uh, uh, uh, Muskie. How could she do this to us? And the producer knocks on her door, and she's like, I'm freaking out. I'm ringing. And, um, the producer knocks again, and another producer is like, just go in. We've been polite.

We've been polite. We've been polite. We've been polite. We've been polite. We've been polite. We've been polite. Would you be polite? We put elements in cell. We're paying for these doors. Go in. Such as, you guys, no, seriously, no, for real, no, no, no, no. So this is why I thought it was really primarily to do with Beauty Lab and Laser, because that would be something that's like a business thing

that she would not want to be airing on the show. So that's where my mind was going. So I thought it was beauty lab in laser too because that's just what we had heard but Guess you spoiled it for me of all people guess who fucking spoiled it. I never would have guessed it me No, you didn't know How could you spoil it? Well, I thought you would have been there in my nose How could you spoil it? Well, I thought you would have heard about that. You had to tell her that I'm about to air a grievance right now.

Again, I guess you did it. Morello, Jen Shah's assistant who stole the clutch allegedly, who we see a clip of later. I don't even know, I don't follow him on Twitter. No offense. I mean, I don't really even know how it works. You on Twitter, no offense. I mean, I don't really, even know how Twitter works, barely. But I don't know if someone posted it or something, but he said something like,

Hey, do you guys remember that old blog, Reality Vantes? Well, that Monica does. And I was like, oh, really? Monica was reality vantes. And then I went back and read reality vantes again. And I was like, oh my God, this sounds exactly like Monica. I can't even believe that no one automatically get it's like I'll really?

Jensha's going to prison and that bitch deserves it old hooker It's like why does the reality of on T's account have so much like it's like there's like 10 posts against Jensha But then there's like 20 posts against this woman named Linda. What's going on? She's not even on TV. Gen Shaw sex and my mom's pajamas are not real burburies. So. So, but one thing I also love about this show is that love the way it keeps jumping back

and forth. Like the timeline is like like this is next level I mean it started off the episode started off at one time flash went back now. We're going forward We're gonna go back again. I mean this is like kind of brilliant storytelling. I'm not even being silly right now I'm not being silly guys. This was great. They thought about how they're gonna present this whole story when they're gonna Reveal things when they're not it It was just beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. So now it's four hours later and everyone's getting into glam. Meredith is in glam and she's, she's like already wasted.

She's like, oh hey, gay person. What are you doing? Do you have any, you need a toddler friend? Because my son's a model now. So anyway, you'll drive my car. I want to do blanzer, but they want it to be in the steel drum kind of a thing. So how are we feeling about Moped? You ever see the cover of UB40's CD from 1988, the one with red, red wine on it? I want my shoulder pants to look like Matt. Can you do that?

So now Heather is in her yellow school bus toad dress, and she's really nervous, and she's telling us, I just got this devastating information, and my head is swimming, but it's just too damning. It's too much, and I have to deal with it. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Ho ho ho ho. So everyone goes to dinner outside.

And she probably also says very dramatically, what's about to go down, could change our friendships forever. Of course, I'm like, I'm like such a, I am such a glutton for melodramatic statements like that. I'm like, guys, guys, it's getting serious now. What is about to happen could change our friendships forever. I will order the fish tacos. To say, well, change everything I said it could.

So the women all gather for dinner and they're like, why does it smell like a rusty anchor in here? And it's my new sense. So Heather has put dolls, the pioneer dolls are back and she's put them all on their place settings. So she is going to make this big reveal through the vehicle of a pioneer doll, which is also amazing.

Good to see you. It's bizarre. It's like, guys, the pioneer days, they would wrap pieces of cloth around rocks and call them dolls, because that's what Mormons do. Like, those are dolls, we all have this. Mother, here and or there, go ahead, carry on. So guess what we all have this. Mother, here, north there. Go ahead, carry on. So guess what we get?

Lightning, thunder, psh! Wauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwauwau literally used a Zelda sound effect in this episode. I swear to God, did you notice? I noticed that Heather was using ultra hand to levitate a plate at one point. I can't with that game, by the way. Listen, Zelda, I'm not here to build things, okay? Why are you making me work at this? This is supposed to be a fun, yes you do. You have to literally build shit to solve the puzzles.

You do, I'm over it and I'm'm not going to like hold the word the pro. Anyway, that's not what you're used to it. You'll get used to it. I have. I mean, I started that game on July 28th and I am still fucking playing it. I love it. But I'm like, wow, I am going into six months of a video game. It's wild. Much like. Um, but they do use, they do use a Zelda. When you go to the shrines, you know how would you walk up to the shrine every time you finish it and it goes

the vaginal shrine. Yeah. There's like a certain. Yes. I swear to you, it's the same dog. It is just alright. Those shrines, by the way, when they open up, pressing the X to skip it, like, why do I have to watch the same thing again? I can't help but feel like those shrines by the way when they open up pressing the X to skip it. You're like, why do I have to watch the same thing again? I can't help but feel like those shrines. They look like Libya's opening up when you walk into them, right? Like, I'm like, does anyone else notice this? That would not notice. I would not wreck, I don't know.

I don't know. You just start me. I was like, no. So anyway, the point is the women are sitting in three tables and the three tables have been pushed against each other into sort of like a shabby triangle because it's a night celebrating the Bermuda Triangle which they are recreating with their tables and so Heather's like legend has it that the Bermuda Triangle is this mysterious devil's island I'm like, hmm, it's a triangle, where unsolved mysteries occur and are never explained, but a man in a trench coat and a fadorah comes out

and narrates them and it's really great television. Sheprach's sunken treasure, unsolved mysteries. Dun dun dun dun dun. Burgeoning fragrances. Dun dun dun dun. What'd you say? Burgeoning fragrances. More fragrances. Fragrances.

Morbid fragrances, tempted like death. In the ocean, years gone by. So she's like, on this trip, we've learned a lot about each other. But if there's one unsolved mystery, you want to ask about each other.

You take the person's doll of the mystery that you want to find out. And then you ask the person. Not even talking right now with me. But I'm so confused. Stop exploiting my vagina. Okay. In summary, Robert Stack is going to walk out, but he's a ghost, which makes sense. It's the Bermuda Triangle. There are a lot of ghosts around. And he's going to give him a doll, a pioneer doll, which has nothing. It's the Bermuda Triangle. There are a lot of ghosts around. And you're going to give him a doll, a pioneer doll, which has nothing to do with the Bermuda Triangle, but thematically references an earlier part of the season. Then you're going to ask me, what part of the ship do I smell like the most, because of my fragrance? And after that, you will then ask for your unsolved mystery to be solved.

Does it all make sense to everyone? This is the most jumbled way of just saying, okay, we're gonna take turns talking shit about the other people, okay? Whoever starts a fight first wins, okay? Who wants to go first? Whitney's like, I'll go first. I have fleeces, duh. It's made out of aspartame and yarn.

So Monica told me that when I was down at the beach crying She asked you where I was and you told her I was off somewhere being tremendous. Yeah, I said that I did say that. It's not a mystery. It was me. It was me. Guelph Day. Good job, Matt. Hey, good job. Stop stop That's my mystery Okay, oh, there's a mystery. Yeah, mystery. Wow You know what Whitney Whitney supposedly has a diploma. There's a mystery. There's one Do I just need Angela Lansbury writing by an abysical in a small town? Hey, that is a mister. Hey, I have a mystery Okay, wow you

You least the Bible are very dramatic And you jumped up on the yacht yesterday and went off on Meredith. So my mystery is, why is it okay if you do it, but yeah, you can do it. I'll tell you, I'll tell you. Other people can't do it when you're thinking, oh my God, you can't do it. Here's a mystery, how's the year four and Whitney still doesn't know

how to do that? How? How? I was just standing a fox, and I thought you were being so dramatic and I could be dramatic. And like, you could be dramatic, too. She's, was I being dramatic? Or was I being emotional?

About my vagina. And I was just sitting a fox. You know, you were so dramatic. being emotional about my vagina. And I was just stating a fact, you know, you were so dramatic. And Monica's like, when I told Whitney that Lisa called to the dramatic, I did not think it would end in the best drinking game possible.

That's right, I'm a queen and icon and let me tell you what I'm bringing to the housewives, drinking game analogies. Ding, ding, I'm like, I'd be so wasted. I dance like a montage of everyone saying dramatic. How is that dramatic? It's fucking dramatic. It's dramatic.

Don't think it's dramatic. What's dramatic? You know what's dramatic? I was talking about my best friend that died dramatically. Well, it's not dramatic. The whole thing was dramatic. Why did you do that? It's not dramatic.

It's not my toddler. And I wouldn't like. Why did you do that? I did dramatic and I actually did that. Without my toddler. And I would like to say it right now. I'm dramatically mourning my dramatic friend. But hey, would I deserve dramatically with my own two dramatic eyes was dramatic. Okay? Listen, I am dramatic and you could be dramatic too.

And like, it's not singular. Like, we both can be dramatic. And actually, I've worn out this table of dramatic. And, you know what, by the way, my baby's here on the sleep because I'm done being dramatic tonight. So um Monika's like oh my god we would be in ways that if we took a shot every time someone said dramatic. So then and all of us like oh my god I can. I can. Mother. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? The end of part one.

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