Watch What Crappens - #2299 Below Deck Med: Tears of a Clown

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

Below Deck Med ends a disastrous season with an attempt to ruffle Kye’s feathers by bringing back Natalya for one last appearance. Will it work? Let’s find out. To watch the video version of this recap and for our bonus episodes, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. And don’t forget to grab tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Feb 17 at the Palace Theater in LA. Links at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery's new podcast, Dis and Tell, wades into the glorious mess of celebrity beef. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud and asks, what does our obsession with these feuds say about us? Follow Dis and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Hello everybody and welcome to Watch What Crappens. Ah, the podcast about everything we like to watch what crappens. The podcast about everything we like to talk crap about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie, that's been over there.

Hello Ben. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Good, happy below deck med season finale. Michael, just realizing that it's season finale day, it just brought my anxiety so much higher. I just, it's like everything was going so great. And then all of a sudden, now my anxiety is at here.

It's all high up here right now. Sorry, Roddy. I feel like I might have some boogers, but it's really anxiety coming at my nose. Mm. Welcome to the show everybody. Go vote for the preliminary rounds of the Watch What Crappens Golden Crappies.

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Also, this is a video today as usual. Hi, if you want these videos the day they come out. Join us over on Patreon at the Crap In's On Demand level. You'll also get our bonus episodes, other fun stuff, pre-sale ticket codes, you know, stuff like that. And thanks to everybody who joined us for that. Also thanks to everybody who came out to Crappy Hour on Instagram Live.

It's every other Monday at 5.30 Pacific time. And you guys hear the audio, it's on the feed. But if you wanna be there live, come to Instagram, okay? And I think that's it. Do you have anything, Ben? I have nothing but my heart to give to this show right now. Well, let me tell you. Oh, I'm in an open relationship.

Oh my gosh, so Natalia, this is, basically we're recapping this, even though we've kind of given up on part of this season, which we will admit to, okay, no ragrats, by the way, but they really, really let us think that this is gonna be a huge explosive finale because they're going to bring N'Chall, your bet, from an open relationship to 40 to have with Coil.

Yeah, it was. It was at the very least a very messy finale. So there's definitely that. Like it was, it was crazy. We didn't, I don't think we recapped last week. I mean, all you need to know about last week is that the weather was bad, so the boat couldn't leave port,

which has happened many times on various blow decks, but these people were the biggest assholes about it. And it was really just one guy named Jeff and his wife, Stephanie, and they're in a miserable marriage. And Jeff is just like the worst piece of shit. He's just like someone who's like, wow, look at this, somewhere just stuck on a yacht.

I'd rather go back to the United States now. It's like, you know what, you're on a yacht. You may be in Port, but you're in a yacht in Italy. It's still great. I cannot stand people like this. Well, she was terrible too. His wife was awful too. They were both.

Just terrible. They're both there, just both there. And at first you believe it's just him because she kind of hides it a little bit better. But by the end you're like, oh, you both suck. So were you offered this like free trip? What's happened? Which I think is what happened, which makes it even worse because we find out that they're broke and they have no clothes and so they shop at thrift store. And we learned that later in the episode. So I have a feeling that the other surgeon at work was like, Hey, Jeff, would you like to come on this trip with me?

Cause Jeff's a doctor too. Right? Yeah. They're both like neuro surgeons. The Jeff is like, I would never want to be Jeff's patient unless he's like the top. But like, cause you know what's bedside matters like? Well, the good news is we got the tumor out. The bad news is you're still probably gonna die

cause we found another one. Anyway, I gotta go see my wife. She's the worst, bye. You're like, what's her bedside manner is that? What I've learned from television and movies is that brain surgeons don't have bedside manner. They're just rude and mean and horrible. And they're serial killers, but they really like classical music a lot.

And they play that really loud. And then they're very mean to everybody. And they just go in and they're just there for the artwork of the surgery, bro. They're not there for the fucking Betside Manager. Manager, you know what I mean? Betside Manor. Yeah. Well, this guy is the worst.

So now we're at second day of this charter. And Jack has been on the, Natalia has been texting everyone. She's like, don't tell anyone, but I'm going to come over to Genoa. I'm going to come on your last night. Don't tell anyone. Hush, hush. But she's like literally told like seven out of 10 people on this boat. Natalia, she have no chill.

I mean, this girl has zero chill. She's had it while she was on the show. And then when she quit this show I really think her plan was I'm gonna quit because I can't work with this toxic fucking person Kyle and Captain Sandy was supposed to go. Okay. Well, we're gonna get rid of the toxic person who wants a toxic person who's Sick half the time anyway get rid of them, but she didn't she let Natalia go Yes Anyway, get rid of them. But she didn't. She let Natalia go. Yeah. Was an interesting choice, but that blew up in Natalia's face. And apparently Natalia has just been hovering around the boat, waiting to either get

hired back or to be called to come do the season finale. She's just sitting in cafes. And so, um, so now she's on the phone with Jack and he's like, oh, so you're gonna come to the last night? You're gonna come to the last night? You're gonna come to Grew night? I won't tell anyone. It'll be our little secret. Don't tell anyone else.

I absolutely won't tell a single person on this boat. It'll just be my little secret with you. Hush, hush, don't tell anyone. Yeah, listen, I'm gonna say one thing that nobody from this audience has ever said. I wanna see Kyle's face. Golly. And he's like, audience has ever said or want to see Carl's face. And he's like, well, you didn't have to see this one. Why not come over visit Harry Potter? She's like, okay, bye, chill. So

then the captain is asking for toilet paper, you know, as you have to do on this on this one. And she's like, okay, and listen, since we've been stuck at dark, Toomey had the most to do. She had to do the Portofino excursion. Ding! Put it up on the screen there. Let's make it ding. Ding! She had to do a phone party.

Ding! She had to do a red carpet diner. Ding! It's a lot to manage, but the guests need to feel taken care of. You know what people like when they're on a relaxing vacation? A bunch of servers staring in their face saying, how are we feeling now? How are we feeling now?

How are we feeling now? It's like a bunch of hugs. Yeah, you know, these guests need to be taken care of, you know, especially as long as they're stuck on the dock. Much the way I was stuck on the toilet when I realized I had no more toilet paper, that was really awkward. Couldn't leave that bathroom for a while. So then she is telling the guests to enjoy their trip

and then we get a piece of the guests. This couple is the worst. I'm not arguing, I'm just saying. Like it looks so nice here. What's wrong with you? Why can't we go out there? I mean, I'm not arguing about the weather but look at the weather.

I mean, the weather's nice. Why are we stuck on the dock? It's just crazy. Am I right? I'm gonna smile while I say this, so it seems really positive, but. Yeah, they are definitely, I'd like to speak with the manager people,

because they definitely want to speak to the manager of weather. They're like, are you sure? There's just nothing we can do. Like all last episode was Jeff pulling aside Captain Sandian saying, well, I mean, it's just that we flew out here from America and we're just stuck here. There's really nothing we can do. And she's like, yeah, I'm sorry. This is just the way the season finale of Wind is going. We just

have to go with it, you know? And so then a guy at the table tries to explain it. It may not seem great, but it just got picked up by AMC Plus. This time it's branded dark wind. Dark wind. Yeah, the walking wind. The more mystery. Yeah. Also, I don't blame the guests for being pissed.

Look, if I went up to this boat, I went all the way to Italy, I got up to this boat, and they were like, we can't leave the dock. I would be like, OK, I'll need a refund for that. Like an act of God refund. Bye. I would go stay in some fucking hotel and party it up. I wouldn't stay on some docked boat.

Well, also maybe like book a longer yacht trip than like two days on it, on like, you know, with a discount, like don't get like, if you got like a group on, you got a group on yacht trip, basically, right? It's, it's like half off cause it's on Bravo and it's for like two days. I feel like if you're going to book a yacht, like a yacht trip, what you do like four days, right? I don't know. That's why I assume real rich people do. Yeah. So she's like, listen, we can't, I know it looks like it's good out here, but it's because we're protected here. Like how Norm is protected by unions. And that's why I'll never be able to

get it replaced with someone who can staff a boat. Okay? Okay, God bless us one and all. Bye. Bloop. Hey, bitch. I hear you talking about me on that landlock boat you got there. You want to talk about protection.

How about that's something that your guests might need from your breath? Bloop. Wow. Glad you can breath shame. You know what? It may be the last episode, but let me tell you something that's endless. Your inability to staff a boat.

Bloop, you wanna talk about staff? What about all the staff infections you seem to give everyone on board your vessel? Bloop. If I've ever had a staff infection, it's because you were here first, you dirty skank. Bloop. You know what? I'm sure a lot of doctors diagnose you with strep throat in your life, If I've ever had a staff infection, it's because you were here first, you dirty skank. You know what? I'm sure a lot of doctors diagnose you with strep throat in your life. And then they said, no, it's herpes throat. Gotcha.

It's funny that you need to bring up my throat right now, because every time I've needed anything this season, you've choked. right now, because every time I've needed anything this season, you've choked. Well, you know, the, you know, the funny thing about choking, that's like you trying to outrun a Somali pirate. Am I right? God, you really got taken over so many times. Listen, while we're bringing up Tom, or Tom Hinks movies, I'm going to turn your head into a goddamn blow up ball and start talking

to it because it's worthless as anything attached to an actual human body. It's funny that you say that. You really do remind me of Tom Hanks and Captain Phillips, except I guess your tagline would be, I am the idiot now. Okay, this is the last one, but your time hanks in the Elvis movie. That's the sickest burn. That's the sickest burn. You can't even top that.

I can't help falling and burn with you, Norma. Fucking loser. Bloop. Bloop. If I could have remembered the song about the 60s music group, I would have brought that up. But I can't. So you're all, you got me.

You got me. Bloop. Love you, bitch. Bloop. Love you, bitch. Okay. So, um, Luca is they're talking, they're all talking about this foam party because now they have to have a foam party. Okay. And they put max in charge of making foam, which, um, him in charge of anything. Wow. So Kyle also Kyle with his shorts and his white socks.

I don't know if we've mentioned it a lot, but is anybody doing any kind of quality control on the boat because Kyle looks ridiculous. He looks unshaven and dirty. His hair is not calmed. Can we make an effort? You know, it's just that the anxiety of like Natalia, she still hunts me and I can't even focus on having clean outfits because it's just like so hard for me right now. Going through a hard time in my life

being called out for things that I've done. I wish there, I would love to find like, I've been trying to find the right words to describe Kyle's style. It's so, I can't, it's just, it's so, it's- It's like I Costco. I can't, it's just, it's so- It's like I Costco. It's short white knee socks, your white ankle,

not ankle socks, white calf socks with tenis and just unconed and unshaped. It's a mess, he's a mess, okay? He's just a mess. Yeah, I feel like, but it's going out style. I feel like his going out style is like Aunt Fran. Like everyone, like anyone who has an aunt named Fran, this is how she dresses up to go out.

She's like, okay, well, I'm ready to go to the restaurant. You guys ready? I got my little earrings in, okay? Like that's the style. He's going for great Gatsby. He's going for like the anything goes musical poster. You know, there's like a girl in like those pants from the 30s, 20s or 30s, whatever.

There's full vector her rib cage. You know? Yeah. It's a unique look. So anyway, he's in his, he's in bad socks right now and they're going to go to Portofino and everything and Jess, this is her moment to shine because she's going to get to do dinner set up all by herself. This red carpet dinner.

So that's their other task. They all have nobody thinks I'm an alpha. I hope no one thinks I'm a leader now. So now the guests are with Kyle and Tumi and Vans. They're heading off to Portofino and Kaz. Like this water is next level. It is such beautiful water, almost the exact opposite of Natalia. The

anxiety, oh my god, the water, the anxiety is all coming back to me looking at the water. It's making me think of Natalia right now. I just can't. I made so many strides this season. I can't. I can't. And Luca's like, this season has been a learning curve. Like, it mostly is because we've been having to deal with big personalities. Mostly Max. No one can really deal with Max. And then we cut to Max in a leather pirate hat, lifting up his shirt and being like, I have abs, you don't like my abs, huh?

Who you like? I, like Max drives me nuts, I'm sorry. I don't find him charming at all. I think he is a disaster at all times. So meanwhile, Stephanie, who's Jeff's wife, is she's trying to get onto her phone and she's like, I don't even have internet. I have nothing, I have nothing.

Why did we even come to Italy? What a stupid country. And he's like, oh God, I'm just counting the moments till we can be homesick. Look, I don't have any service, Jeff. Just waving the phone right in his face and he's like, kill us both.

Somebody please just kill us. So then in the laundry, Luke and Jess are making out and she's like, yeah, like I've just been single for the longest time. It's like really gonna take the right guy, you know? And like, if Luke and I were to have that conversation, I would consider it. We know Jess. Okay. Yes. You're being very, very strong. Jess. You're very strong. Okay. Yeah. Jess, this is,

yeah. I mean, they really do seem like a forever couple to me. So now, um, the guests are all, they're sitting there having lunch and everything and Tumi's like trying to talk, call Jess to check in. She's saying how she feels like the conductor of an orchestra because there's all this stuff going on. And she tells Lily and Max to head to the pool club to start their phone party. And, you know, she's just sort of in charge of all this stuff. And of course, Max and Lily together,

like, are we just gonna make any effort on this? Why would you do that to yourselves? And she's like, I mean, they can put together the phone. It's not like it's rocket science. It's Max and Lily. Yes, it is. I wouldn't know how to use a phone machine. That sounds hard.

Yeah, I actually kind of think that Lily should have gone with the guest of Portofino and to me should have gone to set up the phone party because that's like actually requires some degree of skill. Like you just can't have Max and Lily do it. That's just way out of their league. So then Stephanie's like guys, I mean like honestly, I've been telling Jaff like why don't we just leave Ohio? I mean, our kids are gone.

Like why not explore something else? Oh no, that was the other surgeon's wife, right? I'm sorry. Yeah, someone said something like that. And the primer is like, well, you got me. And then Jeff starts talking about Stephanie goes, well, Stephanie, she doesn't choose happiness. It's misery all the time, just counting the hours

until we get back. So then back in the vans, Lily and Max are just like, look at us, we're wacky and they're like giggling and like playing with straws. They're like, we are so fun and wacky. It's like crazy. This reminds me of a game I played with my family. So then now they're in the vans again with the guests.

I think they're going back to the yacht to change to then go to the pool party. So Stephanie and Jeff are in the backseat and Stephanie's like, hey, Jeff, did you respond to this email at all? He goes, I don't know, I'll give you my phone. She goes, I'm just asking you. Well, you can go through it because you say that I lie

and you're the one saying my kids will never get married. And she goes, yeah, Jeff, I don't think they will, Jeff. I just don't think they will, Jeff. I don't really think they're gonna get married, Jeff. You're the one making all the comments. We are making the comments. They're not, Jeff. They're not going to, Jeff.

God, I just want to go back to the United States where things are normal, God. Kids are gonna get married, Jeff. I don't think you're gonna get married ever again after I divorce you. How about that? Well, unfortunately, I am married, Jeff. Like, I'm married to someone who won't even look at my phone

and see that there's no signal on it, Jeff. I'm, you know what, I'm married to Misery. Misery trying to check a cell phone. Oh my God, Misery, there's a movie with a woman with some ambition. I just wish I had the upper body strength of wheeled a hatchet. I would probably do it, Jeff.

Misery is the feel good movie of the year. What I would love to feel something again by having a sledgehammer against my ankles. Wow, Misery. The last time we went on a date somewhere that I felt something. Yeah, Misery, also known as the state that I would like to move to

if you'd ever want to have any ambition in your life, Misery. So then, Tumi's like, oh my God, the couple arguing in the back, I mean, it just makes me not wanna get married, ever. Just like, I think we should just go back tomorrow. She's like, no. So yeah, Tumi's like, they're like a marriage contraceptive pill.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crap-N time for a crappin's commercial. Being an actual royal is never about finding your happy ending, but the worst part is, if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Aresha Skidmore-Williams. And I'm Brooke Sifrin. We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit, wonder-y show, Even the Rich, and talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich and Daily.

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and sometimes even your head. Follow Even The Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So they, uh, they get back to the yacht to change and Jeff and Stephanie are still just bitching at each other. He's like, you're such a fucking downer year round.

No, you're a downer, Jeff. God, stupid. So then they set up the party and, um, someone was like, Oh my God, I love the van rides. Our cats, it's fun. Oh, we're showing're a good man. So then they set up the party and someone was like, oh my God, I love the van rides. Our cats, Niphtharno. We're showing you a good time, huh guys? So they come to this pool party, there's no foam, okay? Max and Lily are idiots.

Specifically Max, okay? And then the other couples are like, oh my God, how does that one couple stay married? They're insufferable, they're insufferable. You know all the other couples are like, oh my God, how does that one couple stay married? They're insufferable. They're insufferable. You know, all the other guests cannot stand Jeff and Stephanie. Like they are running it for everyone. So yeah, at this pool club,

so it's really bad that they don't have the foam going because it's supposed to be a foam party, but also like the foam would be a really important distraction from the fact that they look like they're at just some sort of public pool. Like it's sort of like a- They're at a public pool. They're at the public pool. It's windy as hell outside because the weather sucks, okay, which they already knew. So they're having a phone party

in this big public pool where there's no people and it's windy and cold and then two me's in a rainbow tutu for no reason to just make this all even more fun. It's just like such a janky, depressing place to have a pool party. At that point, you might as well just be in the hot tub on the yacht, because it just is sad. And so they're all looking, they all arrive, and they look, and the little foam machine is just like this flapping, this weird flapping thing

that's like, it's like a tongue that's just flapping at them. And it's just like a really, really sad party setup. You know, so they're like, where's the phone max? And he's like, I'm reading it's not so it does not say that for my don't understand. So then the pink floaty doesn't even have a full tail. I mean, they couldn't even blow the things up, right? You know, it's just it's just a very sad moment. So then Kyle then Kyle comes and he's like, Oh my God, look, it's the best phone party ever. Yeah.

So, um, they're trying to fix it. Kyle gets to work trying to fix this phone machine and everything. And then, um, we go back to the boat and Jess is setting up her red carpet party. And, um, she's just talking about hanging out with Luke after the charter and she goes, um, there's a problem. I think I like Luke way more than I should. I'm like, Jess, I think your time on this show has expired. I really literally don't care about you and Luke anymore.

I don't care if you look up with him or not. It's not gonna last. He doesn't care about you. You're not interesting. Let's move on. So then we go to the foamless film party. And I was like, um, you know that you have one pump for this entire pool, right? Like, how is this supposed to work? I mean, Mechs and Lily spent hours organizing this phone party with this no foam and there's no party. I need five minutes to gather my thoughts and then I need to figure out hair to create some foam.

Hold on. Oh! It's all of my feelings. I have such a migraine from this foam. So Timmy's like, Lily can you do a game? So, I was really hoping they'd play the no game again. Are you Meryl Streep? No.

Are you Glenn Close? No. Are you George Washington? Are you George Washington? Are you George Washington? No. So Lily also is supposed to be the game master, but she's like, okay, I've got a game. Race.

Can I get a bottom the barrel with the games over here? Racing him in the pool. He was like, not even sharks and minnows. So then we go to Jess and Chef and she's finding out what plates they need and he's like, it's surf and turf isn't it for Kings I'm basically a master a master that's surf and turf bad down to me. Yeah he's really excited about this and then finally Kyle gets the phone machine to work this is one of Kyle's redemptive moments in the season he gets the phone machine to work and he's like there are actually

only five instructions and they're clearly indicated and steps one and two are put to the hose in the soapy water. How do you spend an hour with five instructions and don't even read the first one through three? How do you even do that? He only got to the part at the end where it says enjoy. That's all he did. Kyle has a point here.

Okay. Oh yeah. It really does. So, um, I was also happy for Kyle cause he's ending it on somewhat of a good note. You know, it's like, oh my gosh, Kyle's being enjoyable. What's happening? He fixed the phone, but then by the way, it was, and by the way, it turned out a lot of foam, but it still was kind of sad because it was only film in one corner

of the pool. So it was just like a public pool with some foam in the way, it turned out a lot of foam, but it still was kind of sad because it was only foam in one corner of the pool. So it was just like a public pool with some foam in the corner, which I guess is better than no foam in the corner, but I would say this entire pool experience was a fail. Well, also what public pool, like did they, how much did they have to pay the public pool? You're putting soap into a public pool.

How does this work? I don't understand foam parties. To me, it's gross. It was so bizarre to me the whole thing does this work? I don't understand phone parties. To me, it's gross. It was so bizarre to me the whole thing. Yeah, I don't really get it. But okay, whatever, maybe there's just not very strong laws there or maybe the soap is like a chlorine thing that mixes with the water to make it healthy.

I mean, I don't fucking know, but it looked dangerous and not great. So then the captain comes to the table. Let's not forget that captain's beeline stories are always about table decorations. And she's like, whoa, the table is so pretty. You put bow ties on plates. My gosh.

You really made each one of those plates into a little individual Ellen DeGeneres for you. These plates were pioneers. So now everyone comes back to the boat after their phone party and to me, like checks on the table setting and Sandy is like, just rocked it. Just rocked it. Isn't this amazing? Doesn't this feel like they could explore the words and Kyle goes,

table of the season. And you look at the table. It's like it was just like a tablecloth with some like literary stuff on it and like some, the bow ties on the, it was not a great table in my mind. Yeah. Captain has a much different standard when it's people she doesn't like in charge. She's like, wait a minute.

Why isn't this parade going around the block? I mean, why isn't this going around the block like a parade? Okay. What kind of table setting just sits there? No animals. You're not going to have any live animals on there? That's great. At least a turtle. At least a turtle. Wow. So Jess is like, it feels like so good to have everyone acknowledge my table decor. Like, I do believe like my confidence is like grown like exponentially. And the producers like, so you think you you're more of a leader now than a follower? Do you wanna nice arc on your storyline this season?

She's like, no, no. No, I'm not really an alpha, so. So then let's see here, what else is happening? So now at dinner, all right, here's some electric feedback. I left some speakers on, let me turn them off. Well, while you do that, I'm gonna explain the important stuff that happens here.

So everyone gets dressed up for this Hollywood party and Jack is plating. He serves up his like surf and turf bonanza and everyone's eating it. Everyone's loving it, except for Jeff, of course. And then downstairs, Jess and Luke are making out some more. And then someone asked Jeff where his suit is from because they're dressed up like Hollywood glam,

but he's like a little bit more like retro glam or just retro. So he seems kind of like- He's like 70s polyester, which is super weird. And he seems kind of like flummoxed by it. He goes, this is from a vintage store. Like he seems like reticent to say where it's from. And then Stephanie goes, yeah, we have no clothes.

We live in an apartment. And he goes, stop, stop. Come on, Steph, stop. No, you stop. That's true. Like somebody's not stopping or anything. He has no suits. He goes to a rummage sale. I on, Steph, stop. No, you stop. That's true. Like someone has to stop and have anything. He has no suits. He goes to a rummage sale.

I mean, look, one thing to go to a rummage sale is one other thing to be marriage to a rummage. Am I right, everyone? So they're like awkward. So then the chef comes out and they applaud the chef. And then it's time for bed basically. So everybody starts going to bed and Natalia's texting Luke.

I just learned it. He excited to see me. I'm in an open relationship. Don't tell anyone that I'm gonna come see me. I'll say, Luke is like, I'm definitely excited. I'm so excited to see Nat again. Like, I don't know what's going on with her and her boyfriend, but I don't have expectations.

I didn't invite her. So I'm just gonna act like I have nothing to do with this. I have no idea what's going on with her and her boyfriend, but I don't have expectations. I didn't invite her, so I'm just gonna act like I have nothing to do with this. I have no idea she's coming. Luke is so gross. I mean, congratulations on being one of the cuter of the fuck boys on this channel, with some kind of a charm, but he's a gross.

Like, he's just skanky at this point. Ugh, what a gross person. So he's like, yeah, well, I didn't invite us. So I'm just going to pretend I had no idea she was coming. And then he takes her, he says, oh, you come into the crew night and she goes, do you want me to be all little secret? I won't tell a single person. And he's like, yeah, that'll be wild. And so now it's morning and Laura calls and she's like,

I'm feeling much better. I'm ready to come back on board. And she's like, great, we're going to see you when the guests depart. Ciao, ciao. Okay. God, I wish you had been here last night. One of the plates tried to do a comedic monologue before the dinner.

It was hilarious. All crew, all crew, Laura will be joining us after guest departure. So if anyone else wants to come down with the flu, now's your chance rotating door. Am I right everyone? Okay, great. So meanwhile, Katie Flood texts Luca

and she's like, face on me. He goes, okay, I'll call you. Let me get my ear buds. She goes, not now you mop it. I'm in the middle of service. And then she sends a photo of her with a dog and it just says, just two bees. Oh, I'm Katie Flood.

You got flooded. So wow, what a buildup for nothing. All this Katie Flood. What is all this Katie Flood buildup? And then there's no Katie Flood? What the hell? Why would you be torturing us with Katie Flood buildup when there's no Katie Flood?

Why? Is she on the other below deck? Is that what's going on? Maybe. I just, I don't understand this like super Katie Flood agenda that Bravo has in the US. It's so bizarre. It's really a thing. It's really weird. Yeah. It really is weird.

So, now everyone is gathering and everything. And then, oh, while Luca is texting with Katie Flood, sorry. Kyle walks behind him and of course looks on the phone. It's like oh I see who he's texting and it isn't Jess, it's Katie. I know who Katie Flood is, new Courtney. Also because she's the biggest thing on Bravo since Scandavall. So I worked with Courtney on Moteart Hymn and she worked with Katie and Luca looks immensely entertained by what's being texted. Not a giddy ha ha but a giddy ooh la la. So like so what does Katie float say? And Luca's like oh god I'm gonna go sneaky

bitch you're sneaky bitch. So they got to go pack because finally it's time to get their asses off the boat. And so Kyle immediately goes to Toomey and starts tattletailing. He's like, I was in the gaily and they were there to where Luca was and he was texting Simone and I looked at it and it's Katie Flood, hot emoji. Can you believe it girl? Toomey's like, shut the fuck up. Are we still trying to make her a thing? He's like, yes. And I wouldn't lie to you, not ever. And so, Timmy's like, there it is.

Strikes the Scorpio, exactly as I thought. Yes, sis. So Kyle goes, I'm gonna keep this to myself. But, I thought I'm gonna keep this to myself, but there's one person who I need to tell right now. It's you and everyone else on this boat. Am I right? So he tells us, I wanted to tell Jace,

but the other part of me said, oh, I've done all I can to you, but I would like every stop gossiping, probably not, it's who I am, it's my core. So now it's time for these guests to finally leave, and so Max, Max is like very proud of himself. He's like, oh, Mia and Lily, we are a great team of Avenger Mia Lilly. It's like my romance. It's not my romance. Like we have like naked friendship, chemistry, ooh la la,

French. So they, they line up and Victor, who's the primary, gives a nice little speech being like, you know, the weather was out of your control and we brought two miserable people. so sorry about that. But you know, you did the best that you could, which was not very much. So thanks for putting some Dawn kitchen detergent in that machine and blowing some bubbles on our public pool last night.

That was sort of interesting. Then I hope that my nice exit speech will be a good substitute for any fucking tip money. Okay, bye. Jeff's poor. Let's not forget any fucking tip money. Okay, bye. Seriously. Jeff's poor. Let's not forget that Jeff's poor, okay. Yeah.

So then they leave and Sandy's like, all right, final countdown. Add your whites into your reds and let's meet up for our hug meeting. I mean, tip meeting, okay guys. So now Natalia is still texting everybody endlessly. Like she, calm down over there, lady. Okay guys. So now Natalia is still texting everybody endlessly. Like she calm down over there lady. My God. She's just like, you know, she's tried on 10 outfits already to make

her big return. Yes. And Luke's Luke is like, make sure you look sexy. She's always look sexy. I have an open relationship. So Laura comes Laura comes back on board and she's like, oh, I really miss my Moster Music family. Like really happy to be reunited with the crazy bunch. Ready for a last crew night out and we're going to fucking turn the city up. And Kyle wails when he sees her.

He's like, oh. And then Jess goes down to check laundry, but Kyle and what's your buns? Laura are sitting there talking shit down there. So he's like, Oh my God, girl, you missed it. Luca's always texting Katie. But Jess knows that they're best friends. So they know that they're friends.

So how was the text looking with it? Like flirty texts. And he's like, yes, I don't want to tell Jess, but I feel guilty not telling my girl. And so Jess says meanwhile, like around the corner and listening in, I by the way, I fully believe that Kyle saw Jess coming down because it was so performative being like, oh, I feel guilty not telling my girl Jess, my girlfriend, bestie for life. I'm like, you barely even know, you barely even talked to Jess this season. And when you did talk to her, you scolded her.

So don't start acting like she's your girl. I fully believe he saw her and was doing this whole performative thing. Like I'm just your best friend, Jess. I'm not gossiping. I'm doing this for your own sake. And she's like, is there something you wanna tell me? And Laura's like, what were you standing outside the door for just

cause I was coming to do my job and then I heard my name. And Laura's like, did you hear all of it? And Jess says, majority, but listen, I'll leave if you want cause I like taking orders. And Kyle goes, listen, he was talking to Katie Flood,

sensation of old pop culture. And all I was saying, all I saw was her name and he was smiling at his old pop culture. And all I was saying, all I saw was her name, and he was smiling at his phone and laughing. And so I was like, oh, this is cute. And I thought it was you that he was texting, but it was Katie Flood. Don, Don, Don. She goes, well, don't worry. It's not ruining my night or anything. It's just like, why would he want me to stay in his hotel room and go to camps with him? Like if he's got something with Katie, cause Katie flood is busy. Okay. You are, you have private parts that are not booked for the next week.

There was an opening on your, on your air VNV schedule. Yeah. So, um, she's like, if you want to play games, I'll play fucking games back. You fucking whore. I was like, oh, okay. Great. Count. Can't wait to see these games.

This always works out well. I have a feeling that the game is going to be humiliating yourself on national TV over some fuck boy who's wearing a Harry Styles tattoo on his chest and Harry style pearls like, come on. Lily's like, oh, I'm so excited. Oh, here I start. Are you Panelaope and Miller? No, I must have Penelope and Warren.

I always do that. Wow, there would be a mix to after smash. So this final countdown. So, okay, guys, this is our final time together. And we got through with almost everyone that we started with, which is great. What are you talking about? This was like written by Agatha Christie.

They've been dropping like fucking flies. I know, and in a terrible, terrible way. I mean, like a Bosun who had like lied his way into the position, like a catastrophic fight, illness. This has been terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. So hey, to me, honestly, even in your exhaustion, you still brought the smile, you maintain your composure,

that's leadership, you're a rock star. To me, get it, to me, to me, to me. Do you see what I'm doing there? To me, to me. Wow, you're a real rock star there. So Jack, joy, joy, joy, joy, joy, Jack. Your enthusiasm, it's a rarity for a chef, you know? 57 kinds of rarity, like the gays wanted, get it? I'm really on a roll today.

It's also something chefs make occasionally. Luca, I'm telling you right now, you belong on the bridge, not the engine room. Nice work. Hashtag leader, hashtag joy, joy, joy. Hashtag to me. Get it? Because it's wordplay. I just want to make sure everyone got it for my first thing I did there before.

I'd rather you not be in the engine room. You're just as good at greasing up everybody's engines up here. God. I'm killing it today. Okay guys We've got about five dollars for it's a five dollars one final question for everyone Specifically to Luca. Are you Tom Berenger? Sorry? I was trying to play Lily's game Turns out everybody was George Washington, I just looked at the little answers crazy, isn't it? So then, what a world. The tip really was shitty. It was like 15 grand, right?

Yeah, it was low. It was low. Considering that there was a tip earlier this season that was $30,000, this was a shitty, shitty tip. I mean, you know, I said before, like you should be appreciative. Like you're still in yacht is still lovely, which I think is a shitty shit. I mean You know I said before like you should be appreciative like you're selling yacht is still lovely which I

Still stand by I back myself on that but that being said the stuff that could have been controlled It could have been made better was not I mean I mean that like that pool party was was bad Yeah, it was bad Okay, so next, guess what? Luca's doing texting Natalia. I mean, Jesus, Natalia, get a life. Like seriously, all she's doing is sitting on her phone all day, can you wait to see me?

I'm gonna come, I'm in an open relationship, I can do whatever I want, you better watch out. Tell your girlfriend his services won't be needed anymore. X, there's a little kiss, little kiss. So me while everyone like they're all they're all dressed up ready to go out so they all gather in the crew mess and Luca's like so Jess maybe we can get some smokes when we get to France and she's like oh yeah by the, I'm not going to can with you. Consider this game started. Tonight is my revenge night on Luca.

The games have begun. I'm like, you're cuddling with him right now. What are you talking about? What do you think you're winning? He's got his armor under. She's like, I sure showed him. Like how upset he is. You're playing chess with yourself. That's not even chess. He's got his armor under. She's like, I sure showed him. Like how upset he is. You're playing chess with yourself as not even chess. It's Candyland. So, um,

uh, uh, San, Sandy, like I'm sliding into the crew mess. She's got like a silver jacket on hospitality. Is that where that was from? Luke. Great silly. He's like, Whoa, I can't be in this relationship anymore. I just, he wants to play chess. I just want to play Candyland. If that is where that's from, I'm sad for myself that that soaked into my brain and I regurgitated it. Like it was my own fault.

It just happened this last episode. Oh wait, no, I haven't seen this episode yet. So, I have now just predicted a gracefully quote. I feel really proud of myself now. That's bizarre. That's really weird. No, I haven't watched it yet. I'm going to watch it. I wonder if it was in a preview or something because that's too.

It must have gotten into my brain somehow. Oh, yeah, that's crazy. So. Or I'm just gracefully. Shoes. Here comes one right now. This is a commercial. Here comes one right now. So the captain shows up to go to dinner with them and she's like, hey guys, we're in my best Amazon silver bowling jacket.

And they're all like, whoa, Sandy. She's like, wow, I never had a welcome like that. Maybe that's cause, you know, you don't get a warm welcome when you have a sheep stew who's a drug addict from Trainspotting. Am I right Hannah? Banana? Sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up again. Only time I hear who's that loud or when I'm walking away from Norma. Crazy. So, uh, Jess, who's really going to show everybody, um, what Luca's missing is chucking tequila straight from the bottle. All right.

So we know Jess is not, it's not going to be okay for Jess. I think it's so funny. This is why is this such a thing that happens when people say, I'm going to show him and then they chug from a Patron bottle as if that's ever going to give you the upper hand in the situation. You know what? If you want to play games, I can play games. I'm going to get wasted and make bad decisions.

Ha, I've won. I'm gonna get as sloppy and disgusting as possible. So, now they're all. I'm gonna embarrass myself on national TV. Checkmate. Yeah, gotcha. So then they go have dinner and, what is it?

Laura's, you know, being nice to Sandy or whatever. And she's like, uh, why are you always smiling? I want to see you angry or something captain. And she's like, well, you know what? If I say the, uh, the F word, I'm good. That's usually it. That's all I, what did she say? She actually said, Sandy actually goes, well, you know, if I say the fuck word, I'm

pissed. I'm like, you know, if you say the phrase fuck word is a little redundant. You know, I'm really, you know, I'm really pissed when I don't even say the F word, I say the fuck word, you know, I really let it all out. So Laura is like, wow, she's such a great mentor. So then Luca and Jess, he's like, what are you drinking?

It's just nothing you're drinking that the games begin. It's King me. So then, Natalia, guess what? Natalia is texting Laura now. She's like, can't wait to see you, keep it secret. Hush, hush, don't tell a single person. And then she did text Luca, I need to cuddle with you. Yeah.

I'm like, you know what you need? You need a few minutes on your data plan. So then Jess, Jess tries, Jess looks at Luca's phone, but he won't like show it to her because obviously Natalia's talking about cuddling. And she's like, can you stop talking to your other girlfriends right now?

You just got gamed by the game player, huh? You just got gamed gamer. This player, huh? You just got gamed gamer. This guy is such a piece of shit. Okay, look, I get it. You're not in a relationship with Jess, blah, blah, blah. But you're purposely setting her up to feel like shit when Natalia shows up. And you know that Natalia's gonna start making out

with you immediately, cause she's telling you. Until you're the girlfriend, nanananana. He's purposely, this kind of piece of shit. He acts like he's so, he's even more dangerous than someone who's like, someone like a Gary. Cause, well, not, not literally cause Gary, I guess had that whole sexual harassment thing. Or sexual assault thing.

So he was the worst one. I shouldn't have brought Gary up. But you know what I mean. Like he's, Luca seems charming and actually nice at the end of the day, but he's not. He's a piece of shit. He's more insidious because with someone like a Gary or some of the other pervs that we've had on this show,

like you like to think that you can see that coming, but Luca's just like smiles and he doesn't say much. So if one just sort of projects their own personality onto him, because he doesn't have one himself. But the truth is, yeah, it is shitty. It really is shitty. I know you're like not in a relationship, it's not serious, but you can also be respectful to the person that you are banging, you know, and you can tell that she obviously feels something.

She's like getting fall down drunk and making little comments like you're going out of your way to make somebody who's already feeling like shit feel even worse and look even dumber on TV. Yeah, fuck off. Hey, hey everyone. So I'm gonna run home now. So if you see what looks like a silver bullet going through the streets of Genoa,

it's just me on my jacket. And I'm gonna wake you guys up at nine AM. Just kidding, just kidding. You got sandied. Okay, have a great night guys. It's been a pleasure. All right, you guys better be up or I'm gonna call you the bitch word, okay?

Okay, thanks. See you tomorrow. Haley goes, well good, now I can take my tits out. So then Luca then turns to Jazz and says, hey, so what's up bro? Fuck off Luca, you're a hoe. We're officially friends. Yeah, yeah everybody, Luca's just a homie and I said. Yeah, yeah, everybody.

Lucas just told me and that's it. Okay, everybody. Whoa, boom. Just rolled the final pair and that's a yacht. See, she's trying to start some drama, but I'm not taking the bait at all. I don't know what if she's hurt, but like we're not in a relationship. And so it's ridiculous. So then Lara's like, oh, you know what?

She's going to play the same game as you that you've been playing with her. And Luca's like, oh my God. And she's like, yeah, and that's why this is happening now, stupid. So I'm Natalie so thirsty. She's like, tix, bling, are you going to pick me up and hug me when you seeming?

You're going to pick me up, right? Dude, the bachelor's story. I'll put my legs around your waist, you can just pick me up. It's gonna be amazing. So then Luca sees this and then he tells Laura, yeah, I got backups, I got backups. So he says, I don't know what I'm gonna do with Natalia. She's gonna show up soon, like too many things to do

with you know, I'm more busy on a night out than at work. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Like, I don't busy on a night out than at work. Ha ha ha ha. Like, I don't think this is a charming thing for you right now. He's gross. So Luca and Max are now talking and, oh, so Max says, so Natalia's here already and Kyle hears it and he's like, what? Let me see that.

Let me see that. And he's like, oh, you want to know everything. Why is that? And he goes, oh, wait, she's gonna be at the club. She's gonna be at the club. And Max is like, yes, did you speak to her earlier? No, you have not spoken towards zero since all of this happened with you.

And he's like, oh, she blocked me. She blocked me. What's my choice? What's my choice? Max is like, what about email? He goes, everything, everything. She's blocked me on every single kind of platform. She's even blocked my eyes.

Like literally when she walks by, it's just a pixelation. I've never seen someone do that in real life, but that's what she's done to me. The anxiety is so high right now. And he's like, I'm sitting around crew members that knew about this information about Natalia coming to the club later and not one of them chose to divulge it to me. I feel very, very betrayed in this moment. Can we have the

checklist? Oh! I'm so betrayed. I have to lie down in the streets of Genoa because I'm super betrayed with anxiety and migraines and Natalia causing things. So Laura comes up to him and they're speaking in Afrikaans and she shows him the text messages. And Kyle, or he says, I'm sorry, no, Kyle's like, yeah, Mac showed me the messages and I was like, what messages? And he's like, on WhatsApp, did you know all this time

you didn't want to tell me? And she's like, when I was told not to tell everyone, he's like, I just want you to know, you were like my sister. You were like my sister. She's like, well, I was told not to tell everyone. He's like, I just want you to know you will like my sister. You like my sister. She's like, oh, come on, Kyle. So he storms off because this is so triggering for him. It is kind of uncool that they're all keeping it a secret from Kyle, but they're also temporary reality show people where they'll do whatever the producers

have them to do. It's like, okay, you don't want us to tell Kyle. Okay. But Kyle has also not read any sense of loyalty with these people. Like they all are nice to him and they're kind with him, but he's shown himself to be like a nasty person. And so everyone's like, well, if, you know,

we all, everyone saw that fight. Everyone saw how mean he was in Natalia over a stupid fight. And they're all like, well, he'll just have to deal with it. So he's sobbing at the bar. And Tumi's sobbing. Like sobbing. And she's like, what's going on? And he's like, she's going to be at the club.

My anxiety just went sky high. It's like pouring sweet my eyes right now. It's my anxiety. That's all it is. It's anxiety pouring at my eyes right now. It's my anxiety. That's all it is. It's anxiety pouring out of my eyes. Where is me? I don't even have friends. It can still be right now.

Oh my God, he is the worst. And she's like, why are you allowing one person to bring all this anxiety? That's crazy. And he's like, she's powerful, girl. She's powerful. She was like,'s powerful girl she's powerful she will never be on a level and Carl goes I mean you saw me come from heavy emotion to fixing me to me being me again and now on the final day you're gonna pitch up

and just remind me oh hi the devil's still here baby and she's like the devil's always gonna be there that's why we work around the devil's still here, baby. Oh. And she's like, the devil's always going to be there. That's why we walk around the devil. And she starts twerking. I was like, well, you know, she's like, you'll be fine, whatever. She's like, specifically the devil, here's your vacuum. So then they go to the club and it's actually a club with a crowd in it, which is rare for this show.

Yeah. It was an enormous club. I, yeah. It was like 18 or overnight. I don't know what the laws are like over there, but wow, Jess. Kids. You might want to,

you might want to check the local laws because you're about to bring a child up against the wall. Yeah. And she's like chugging from an enormous handle of gray goose. I'm going to show Luca and cause like, you know, I didn't want to tell Jess about Luca because it was my intent not to hurt her. So I get that this is not the intent, this is not the intent to tell me about Natalia, but like, shit. I'm just not ready to feast her tonight. I just don't know what I'm going to do. He is acting like Natalia, savaged him and like traumatized him. When

he was the one who aggressed her, he literally was so like, he was so awful to her and not like she's any Prince or Angel, but he was really acting like she came with like a knife and stabbed him five times in the chest. Yeah. He was definitely the bad one in that fight. So now, she of no chill is just speed walking down the street. I mean, normally these shots would be like, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, like a slow walk and high heels down the cobblestone street while the shot goes from below and up above

or we baa baa baa, they're not hurt, they're like, oh my god, what if I get there too light and then nobody's there anymore? Well, I'll still be able to jump into his arms like they do on the beach and laaah! Running. She was going to the club, like not even getting to enjoy her like really cool club entrance like that's the dream for me, that I walk to a club and like the crowds part because there's a cameraman tracking me the entire time and I'm like look at me walking into a club but the cameras around me this is my walk because literally any experience

I have going into a club is the exact polar opposite of that so she doesn't even get to enjoy it. It sounds like hell to me but I mean that just gave me anxiety here during the day. I was like, oh, walking through a club and everybody parts to stare at me as I walk through a club. Oh. Well, because me walking into clubs is more like this. Excuse me, I should be on the list. No?

OK. Hey, I've been waiting for like 45 minutes. Can I, excuse me, can I just get in a little bit? Thanks. Yeah. So me too. So then, we're just walk back out. Cause that's how I roll these things.

I'm like, either somebody shows me where the volume knob is or I'm out of here, okay? I went to a bar this weekend and it was packed full of people and it was awful. I was like, I went to where? I went to a bar this weekend and it was packed and it was awful. I was like, I don't think I can do this anymore.

Yeah. There is something that happens to us for sure. Where it's like, meh, I don't need this. Domino's delivers to the 11. Bye bye. So now, to me, it's like, I just don't give a shit. Just get me drunk and get me outta here. So Luke's like, this is gonna be bad.

Hey, hey, hey. But meanwhile, everybody's actually really nice in Natalia, even Kyle smiles and gives her a hug. And she's like, I'm so surprised that everyone got up to hug me, that's crazy. Yeah, and then she's like draped on Luca and everything, so Jesse's like, fuck her and Luca. If they can, why can't I?

And she basically turns, there is like a literal child that is there and she just starts making out with them. I know, Mike, is that the child with the red balloon? Stop making out with children. It's like the most obvious child, you know? And she's like, I'm hi, I'm Jessica with a K. I'm from Hawaii, wanna make out? I'm just starting making out with the skin against the wall.

Oh, it's not unlike MTV spring break in the 90s. Like my name's Jessica, it's with a K and I'm from Hawaii. And then she's like in a three way kiss on stage with like Snoop Dogg watching overhead. So Luca's like, oh, she's trying to make me jealous. We're done. We're done. So then he and Natalia start to make out as revenge for Jess and the boy making out, which is funny because Jess has just made happen what she didn't want to happen.

She was like, she has now helped this speed along. So now they're all making out in some sort of weird revenge plot twists, ploys, whatever you want to call it. So Max is grossed out. He's like, Lucas, he's with great power, great responsibility. And he does these right in front of Jess. I just lose my respect for him. And Luca is like, wow.

And that says, yeah, I should go to Jason B. Like, thank you for your service. And then Jess now sits on Lara's lap. And she's like trying to be seductive with Lara. And she's like, we're playing games. And I'm the queen of games. Lara goes, no, you're not. She's like, no, you're not.

So she's like, well, this girl's trying to care. Obviously she cares. And then Luca is like, yeah, you're not. No, she's like, no, you're not. No, no. So she's like, well, this girl's trying to care. Obviously she cares, you know? And then Luca's like, yeah, you should have told her, oh, thanks for keeping my place warm. This is all I wanted the whole time, so I keep making out. And just like, oh my God, I hate her. Which again, it's like hate her instead of him,

you know, makes a lot of sense. Which by the way, and if we're going to play this game of like, I hate her. Um, why don't we play the game of let's like rewind the season as long as we're going to be petty like this and potentially a regressive. Like Luca was with Natalia first Jess. So you kind of also don't have that too. If you, if you want to play that game, because you were, I guess. Jess, you were what Natalia is to you now to begin with. So don't act like you don't remember.

Well, did they start that? Well, yeah, I guess so, because he was trying to make her jealous, because she was in the open relationship with a friend. That's when he dumped, like kind of started shitting on her and making it with Jess. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I forgot about that.

But then we get a shot of Lily being like, I'm going to run to the ocean. And so she like tries to run to the ocean, but she's wasted. And she just like falls on her side and it looked. I was like, how is she not bleeding? Cause it's like this rocky, rocky ass beach and she just wipes out on her side. So then Kyle is just like squinting it, Natalia, like a smile squint, and she comes up and he goes, what do you want to say?

She goes, actually, it's fucked me. This fucked me real bad. I've not been sleeping. I've been up to four in the morning every morning. And I understand if you have something to say about the whole like, you know, like me saying something about Max being part of LGBT, or whatever, if you wanna say that. And then we see that clip, which is a disaster.

And or just reminded again of what a fucking monster Kyle is. And he goes, I realize you were trying to diffuse the situation, but I think I took a lot of my anger out on you. And what I did was wrong. And Natalia, we went through a lot. And all I can say from the bottom of my heart is that I'm genuinely sorry.

And whatever, whenever you're ready, I genuinely hope we can still be friends. Which sounds really nice and they hug, but then he tells us, oh, by the way, this is my final apology, that's it. And I was like, you baby, he's like, I'm just seeking closure, whether she felt it or not. This is the That's it. It's like, you baby's like, he's like, I'm just seeking closure whether she felt it or not.

This is the end for me. And I said, do you listen to relief? I'm like, you are so fake. You tell someone, I genuinely wanna be your friend. I took out my anger. It wasn't right. Let's be friends. But then you tell us, no,

I don't wanna be friends with that bitch. Like, you're just so fake. Yeah. So then Natalie and Luke are dancing and Jess just stumbles up to them. she's like don't look at him bitch He's my boyfriend The game's working in rep really well for you Jess and she's like well, okay, well you can sort that out game You two can sort that out because I'm looking involved in that shit. So Natalie kind of like backs out.

But then he's still hugging her and he's like, yeah, I'm so glad I stole you. So now the Vans come and Max and Lily are making out. So then Luca is talking to me. Basically we see them, a lot of people making out and Luca saying he didn't expect us from Natalia, but he liked it. So then in the van, Natalia leaves. So then in the van, Haley is talking to Luca and she's like,

you just like deep-throated her and like I get that you're a free man, but you need to be honest with Jess. And Jess is like, I don't give a fuck. I think Jess is there too. I think Luca and Jess are next to each other, like cuddling in the van. Then meanwhile Max, Max has this like random righteous thing that he's doing, but then it turns out it's not in my mind, it's actually not righteous, it's just him trying to get like a hall pass. He's, he's, so he tells Lily goes, can I kiss Jessica just to make Luca mad? She's like, what you asking me that for? And the jacks, what's going on on this bird?

I mean, here I am, Harry Potter. I thought I was the one doing all the crazy stuff, but look at everyone around me, it's wild. And Lily's like, I don't care, but like I can't take care. And he's like flexing his arms, like I'm going to do it. I make her feel good. So then we get back to the boat and he's calling for Jess and Lily is stumbling around shitface to like a cigarette she's got like a she's on the sidewalk crouches on the ground saying

coming up my shoe on and Max goes up to Jessica and he's like yeah Jessica are people being rude to you I'm really mad with the situation because it's like no respect. Like people not giving you any respect. They're just treating you like a piece of shit. And he's talking all the stuff about like how Jessica's not getting any respect. While Lily's like on the sidewalk, like just like flopping around trying to tire a shoe

just being forgotten about like the person who actually needs help right now while he's talking about respect. So then he makes out with her and it is the grossest fucking kid. I mean wow it's like mouths wide open and just like tongues fully down each other's throat like making the fucking sound of like... and Lily's like what the fuck and I I was like, oh, sorry, Lil. He's a good kisser, just saying. So she walks off.

Emily's like, what the fuck was that? And he goes, it was revenge. Remember I asked you? She's like, oh, it's gross. Lil is like too drunk to actually be mad about this right now, which is actually a rarity on reality TV. Usually the drunker you are, the angrier you are about smaller things, but here's something

and she's like, oh, I don't really care. So now they're back on the boat. And after all this bullshit, now Luca's like, hey, Jess, come here, why don't you change to some cozy clothes? So after all this, he's like, let's bang. Of course, we shouldn't be surprised, but I just see it so close. Yeah, he's grabbing his wiener and she's like, I hate being second place and yet

you're still going to do it. So can we just stop? Like, so he's like, you know what, you can do whatever you want. And she's okay, Mr. Natalia comes by and is seeing, you know, so he's like, you were making out with boys at the club. I saw you so then what do you meant about? So now they're kind of, you were making out with boys at the club. I saw you. So then what are you mad about? So now they're kind of, you know, flirting and Jack's stumbling around eating wasted. And then Laura, so this girl, Jess comes out of the room wasted and passes by Laura.

So Laura's like, oh my God, I love this dude, but I'm sorry, I can't let a woman go down like this. So she goes in and tries to talk sense to Jess right in front of Luca but Jess is like right. I thought this was gonna be like this heroic moment where Lara is gonna be like you know what no stand up for yourself you don't get you don't get that get any ass tonight Luca and instead it's just Lara going how old are you? She goes uh Luca are we still going to can I'm 26 because you're fucking 26 you how old are you? She goes, look, are we still going to Canada? I'm 26. She goes, you're fucking 26, you're old,

and you would still do this. You have no respect for yourself because you would go back to fucking. Are you okay? You need a mental fucking check. I was like, okay, you can scold her too instead. Yeah, she's like, whatever. She's, yeah, you have no respect for yourself

because you just go back to fucking him. She goes, okay, okay. So then Kyle, she leaves all mad and Kyle's like, come big. And so he's like, so you're aware that Jis, that he has multiple women that he's speaking to. So don't act brand new, all right? And you still wanna be with Luca?

That's your business. You live the best life, all right? Live your best life, you fucking idiot. All right, she's like, well, I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want them to like call me every day when this is done. Is that so much to ask? Gamer. Yeah, consider yourself gamed. So they go off and they just bang.

They bang and then Max and Lily also go and bang in a guest room and everything and Haley sleeping on the sofa. And basically it's just like lots of drunk horny people. And now it's the next morning. And now Lily is realizing that her foot is totally fucked up. She doesn't even remember why. She's like, I just got this hot identified drinking injury

I don't even know where it came from. And then we see the footage again of her falling over on that really, really rocky beach. And Captain's like, wow, wow, I wasn't gonna get to call the hospital again, but wow, score, okay, get off the boat. God, that felt good. It's addictive to say that, okay?

Gonna have to get you off the boat. Okay, this is your goodbye. You get to limp off the boat, okay. I really wanted to know if her leg was broken. I don't know why, but I really wanted to know if it was a sprain or if it was broken. Yeah, I didn't care. So Luca's like, oh, wow.

Um, look now, last night I had to deal with BDL. That's bed decision, Luca. Okay guys, that's enough of the, uh, what do you call it when you just have letters standing for things? Acronyms. That's enough acronyms. We just got letters standing for things? Acronyms. That's enough acronyms. We just got one from Lily on her way out, okay?

So Max, it's basically all their goodbyes, right? So everybody's saying goodbye to the captain one by one. And then Jessica is being, her bags are being carried by Luca. And she's like, well, Luca, I learned a really important lesson. I just need like a lot of time to get over these things. I just hope I never have to live another fuckboy era.

Hope he calls me tomorrow. God, I'm winning. I love winning. Congrats Jess. Your fuckboy era is also known as the rest of your life. This is just, you're just gonna, you're gonna be in fuckboy relationships. You're gonna marry a fuckboy,

you're gonna have a miserable marriage. I'm sorry to tell you this, but this is just how it's gonna be for you. Yeah. It just is. Well, yeah, unfortunately, if you continue this road of just being like, whatever, I'm just a follower,

you will continue to get pushed around. Yeah, please fix yourself. Okay. She's gonna have a- Hopefully you watch this whole thing and you're like, I'm better than this, you know? She's gonna have a husband that cheats on her left and right and she'll stay with him and that's fine. They'll just live their life.

So, and now Kyle's like, oh what, beachies I'm out of here. I got to get away from this anxiety boat. So of course he goes up to Sandy and like, he's such a brown-noser to people who are in power. And he's like crying. He's like, these are actually happy tears, only happy tears.

I call them frank tears. Because I went through a very dark space this season because of Natalia. And from the bottom of my heart, I can't thank you enough for giving me an extra chance and opportunity to get over the pain that Natalia caused me. Thank you.

It's like you're not just a captain. You're a lady in a motorcycle jacket that silver that nobody really understands. I respect you, captain. And she's like, oh gosh, you're a good person. Don't ever think that you're not. Okay? How little do you know. Watch the season. I know. And then he tells us, if Captain Sandy had not given me a second chance, I have no idea where I'd be going. Maybe I'd be serving drinks on some booze cruise

with all women. Disgusting! Oh, oh well. This was what, you know, what she did was like the catapult I needed to do some internal seeking, which I never actually did. And I've learned to control my emotions, which I never actually did. And I've learned to control my emotions, which I'm actually not doing at all.

And now, if I want to be a chief stew one day, I'm able to navigate through all of this. And I'm so mentally thankful to her for this. So then, Luca's story is like, wow, she gave me so many chances. Now I can be a captain. Like, you are gonna be sued Within a week of being a captain for sexual harassment

I guarantee you cannot get away with this shit and a position of real power, sir, but you know what I see Leader so then saying then to me goes up to say thanks to Sandy and she goes ah the Tuminator, you know, I still don't understand that pun. Why do people call you that? Who cares? Hey, where's your tutu? Aren't you gonna wear that off the boat in public now that you're off the clock? No?

Oh, okay, that's fine. The Tuminator, huh? Let's try that one on for the next season because you would definitely be back. And so Tumi's like, oh, I've learned how to handle curve balls. That's what I've learned this season. Well, it's not baseball.

So unfortunately it's not going to be helpful. Oh, I like to me though. Do you think they'll give her another chance? I think she'll be back. I think so. I think she had a rough start. I think she like really had some leadership issues in the beginning, but she kind of figured it out. And, uh, I think, I think she'll be back.

You know, I loved two means first go around on blow deck down under and she, you know, I was, I was nervous for her, but I think in the end she worked it out. Yeah Yeah, I think I think so I think watching yourself on TV is the best training too. You know what I mean Yeah, seeing all your mistakes and like I think if she just doesn't shit talk her employees with the other employees She'll be okay because a lot of that stuff. I think could have been avoided But overall, I mean, I think she did a pretty good job. She a lot of that stuff I think could have been avoided. But overall, I mean, I think she did a pretty good job. She did. And you know, I, I don't know if we mentioned this, but I saw on, um,

Instagram recently that Fay, our favorite Fay, she recently had a baby, which in my mind means that she's definitely not going to be on back and below deck cause, uh, she has a baby. She, I don't think they're doing that one anymore. Because just in general, carry move to the regular blow deck, right? I was just holding out hope that maybe they'd put Faye on a different blow deck. I just don't think that's happening,

which like really breaks my heart. Oh, Faye Clark. We love you, Faye. Do something with Faye. Come back to the five and dorm, Faye Clark, Faye Clark. Put this somewhere. Well, that brings us to the end of this season, everybody. Super fun.

Go get your tickets for the Crappies over at watchwhatcrapins.com. That's February 17th. And we will talk to you, oh, and vote for the Crappies, also on our Instagram, watchwhatcrapins. And we will talk to you next time, eh? Hey. Bye. Bye, everyone. Watch What Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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