Watch What Crappens - #2308 Vanderpump Rules Part One: ScandoFallout

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Vanderpump Rules returns for season 11 and there’s brand new melancholy music, a sad man alone with his plants, and a lot of people trying to figure out how they’re supposed to like each other all the sudden. To watch the video version of this recap and for this week’s Southern Hospitality bonus episode, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. And grab tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Awards Feb 17 at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery's new podcast, Dis and Tell, wades into the glorious mess of celebrity beef. Each episode explores a different iconic celebrity feud and asks, what does our obsession with these feuds say about us? Follow Dis and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen ad-free on the Amazon Music or Wondery app. Well hello and welcome to What's Crappens, darlings! Welcome back! To me Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hi Benims!

Hi Ronnie, how are you? Welcome home to the Lisa Vanderpump family of television shows. Vanderpump rules recaps on watch what crappens. They're back darling. They're back. I'm sort of sad that we can't have like a video of like a camera zooming up to us, then standing over some sandwiches, smelling martinis in front of a restaurant. We haven't opened since that seems to be a trend that they follow these days on Vanderpump rules.

Well, everybody, we're excited to be back on Vanderpump Rules. Well, everybody, we are excited to be back for Vanderpump Rules thanks to those of you who only show up at Christmas on Christmas, or only show up to church on Christmas Eve, okay? That's what you people are like who only come to Crappens for Vanderpump Rules. I want your tithes down all year round. Welcome back.

And for those of you who are here every day, welcome. Well, you know what? We love all of you. Thank you for being here being here the crappies the Golden Crappy Awards are coming up February 17th live in Los Angeles We were just putting the show together right before we did this. It's gonna be a fun night It's so good be a very very fun night lots of production happening over here. Let's costumes music lines script reading Choreographers this is no joke. This is our biggest one. We've done like we are actually putting we're putting like right Music, line, script reading, choreographers. This is no joke. This is our biggest one we've done.

Like we are actually putting, we're putting like we're adding stuff to it this year. That's gonna be really fun. So definitely don't want, you don't want to miss it. No, you don't. You don't do. You take your tickets at watchwitcrapins.com. Guess what?

We're also gonna have streaming tickets this year. So if you cannot show up, get your streaming tickets. You can watch the night of the show. There's a big party going on online. There's a huge chat room, super fun to be a part of during the live show. And if you can't make it that late, cause it is at eight Pacific time. So, and you still want to watch it, you can, you've got a week to watch it. So go buy your tickets at watchbookcrapins.com.

I think for now that's it. If you do like video recaps instead of vocal recaps, you can find those on our Crap in Thumb Demand on Patreon. That's what we're on right now. You can get the videos a week later for free over on YouTube. You just don't get them fresh. If you want them fresh, give us your goddamn money. And if you don't want them fresh, you don't have to. We're going to give them to you for free anyway. And our bonus this week is going to be Southern hospitality. One of the best, most underrated shows on all of television. Or all of telep- fuck bravo. All of television.

I mean, fuck the bear. Southern hospitality is where it's at. And I have to tell you something. We've been lucky enough. We had the screener for this week's, and we've been lucky enough to see it. This week's episode was so good. It was so good. I'm really excited to record that one.

Yeah, it's going to be a good time. But we're so happy to be back for Vanderpump rules. You know, now the greatest fear of the season and this is what this is how we left the season like Rachel. I just. I just, I have to do what Tom says. Which, you know, we all caught a clip of that before this started, but we entered the season saying, where do you go from here? This is pretty scary because that was a huge season for Vanderpump Rules.

And now here we are, you know, like what are you gonna like lead a whole season off with Katie's new bad haircut? You sure are. And that is exactly what they're doing. They're giving us bad Katie outfits and bad Katie hair. And I have to say, I kind of welcomed it. I was I was here for a slower episode. I had you feel.

You know what? I'm so glad you said that because I actually really enjoyed this episode in a way I was not expecting. Did anything happen? Not really. Am I a little concerned that we're in for another adulting season? A little bit. You know, it's never a good sign. Like the seasons where the cast decides to band together and be friends have been the weakest seasons. But I did find that there was like a very interesting melancholy in this episode that

appealed to me. I was surprised. I enjoyed it actually as much as I did. Here's something I noticed because you know, I've been taking piano ever since COVID. That was my COVID thing was taking piano. Now I still play at a first grade level. I'm not a good pianist at all. I only practice, I don't practice enough.

But anyway, I'm taking my little class, you know, and I'm still in the kids books, you know, where it's like, dung, dung. But I was just doing a study on minor chords. Okay. And the lady who teaches me online talks like this, like you're a baby. And she says, is she the defense lawyer on serial? She talks like this and she says, does this court sound happy or does this court sounds sad? And then she plays a chord and then she'll go,

It's sad, but it's sad chord. Is this for those of you wondering? Is it for those of you wondering her name is Lisa Witt and sorry if anybody knows her because I actually do love her. She's taught me a lot, but God, you know, she talks to children all day and I'm one of her children right now. So, um, anyway, she teaches you the difference between a major chord, a minor chord, a major chord. Sounds happy. A minor chord.

Sounds sad. Okay, Vanderpump rules. Could we get off the minor chord lesson? I mean, how long is it going to last? Every song that Trixie Monaco came up with, they're like, could you make this sound like an Irish drunk whore dead in the river, dirge? Could we get that? They've just found a drunk prostitute in the river, make a Dirge, and then they come on and they're like, a girl just died in Irish town,

and we're all crying black. Oh. Oh. Oh. I was here for this entire journey from the lady in the Suzuki piano class to the Irish whore dirt that was delivered

Also the inspiration for with or without you by you too famous Irish band. Oh, yeah I'm on one today. Sorry. It was no Listen because we literally just spends like an hour and a half like coming up with our rundown for the crappies So I think both of our brains are like a little pre-fried for this episode, which is great. Um, it was very mournful. It was very sad. It was very emo like band of pump rules is in its emo phase. But I also think that like it sort of had to be emo for this first episode and wanted to have some gravitas.

And don't forget this episode was made while Vanderpump rules still had aspirations of winning an Emmy. And we all know that when trash gets nominated for an Emmy, the first thing they do is try to be actually respectable. So they're sort of in there like attempting to like try to capitalize off of their prestige moment, which they're not, I mean, they didn't win. So they can go back to being trash. I hope they realize that because we want them to be trash. So I think they just had to have like a sad episode. And then we can hopefully in the next episode go back to like petty squabbles

and vicious personal attacks on each other. Yeah, because this whole thing, everybody's like sober, which you know what? Congratulations, do it off my TV, do it off my television. A lot of sobriety is happening here. Yeah. There's a lot of sobriety. There's a lot of like, I'm a better person now. Look at me. I got high up the house under the airport. You know, whatever it is,

like, uh, congratulations. Um, I'm going to need more La La and less James and, and I mean, personality wise, La La is coming back like, I'm going to fuck some people up. First of all, Lala and Sheena both came back, of course, making this entire thing about themselves, which God respects their game, because you know, let me tell you one thing I've learned. Narcissists don't get tired. They are totally fine being narcissists all the time.

And I have to give credit because it's pretty impressive that they could try and make this whole thing about them. Um, well, I forgot what I was going to say. I don't know, but I, but I, I, I feel cracked out too, but, uh, I have to say Sheena also gave us the most important moment of the episode, as she often does, by the way, she's an American hero. Uh, is that she revealed that, uh, for those, for those of us like me who didn't realize us or who forgotten this, that Sandoval had blocked her toddler child. So like that, the fact that she sort of surfaced a toddler feud between an adult and a toddler is great.

We all need, we all need it. And let me tell you something. Um, Ben has blocked more children, I'm sure than that. Okay. And I will continue to, I have not watched your baby. Let me tell you, Ben has at least muted your child. And why you, I mean, anybody out there with a child who posts about it on Instagram, I can guarantee you Ben has muted your ass.

I actually tried to block a child in real life at the airport a few days ago. I just like sort of looked at them and like in my mind, I just pressed the block button and I was like, why is this child not going away? Why is it still running around in front of me, banging its truck against the chair that I'm sitting on at the airport?

Oh, little fucker. Little fucker, it's not a hammer. I love children, I believe they're the children. They're the I believe children I'm a future that children are our future I believe them are our future and that we should teach them well and let them lead the way. Yes So I color block them. I just say hey, you know what you'd look good in blue on top white on the bottom I think like I do believe the children are the future and I do believe we should teach them well. I don't think we should let them lead the way though.

I think what could be worse than everybody else who's leading the way. I mean, listen, you know, the children are going to lead you to a couple places. Some were fine or some were where there's sugar. So that sounds better than where we're being led right now. sounds better than where we're being led right now. Endless wars, et cetera. I read that. Do you know what's happening right now? There is a trend of like a toothpick trend where people are like deep frying toothpicks and eating them. So I'm not going to say let the children lead the way. True.

Yes, it's apparently very big in South Korea. I'm not going to let the children lead the way. I'm also not going to let the adults lead the way. I think I'm just, I think I'm gonna let AI lead the way at this point. I think I'm actually okay with AI now. I'm gonna be the way. That's our last option. Yeah, everybody has been thinking a big plague is gonna come and wipe out humanity. TikTok is gonna do it. It's gonna be f- TikTok is the plague. It's people are gonna swallow toothpicks and then they're just all gonna f- die.

And you know what we deserve it. I know. I spent three minutes last night watching a TikTok of someone dropping a blazing hot like ball into a jar of mustard. And then the mustard did this for three minutes. I watched that for three minutes. I was like, what's going to happen when it stops? Well, I hope that the season of Vanderpump rules is slightly better than that, which we really don't know yet. We don't know. I have hope, but I learned from Vanderpump rules a long time ago not to have hope.

So I don't know why I still have it. It should have been squeezed out of me, but I have it. Vanderpump rules is literally the equivalent, not to have hope. So I don't know why I still have it. I should, it should have been squeezed out of me, but I have it. Vanderbump rules is literally the equivalent of a hot ball and a mustard jar. Just farting out its gases. It's slow. It's a slow part of gases.

Okay. So we have a new opening, of course, uh. Really want to give credit to the flying GoPro things now that those drone GoPro things are so cool. I saw a thing of like a making of or whatever, or someone probably on TikTok posted them shooting at something about her, and they do do it with like a little flying drone camera thing that flies around them.

That's how they do that. Did you know that? I'm so impressed. It's like Steven Spielberg is here. I know. And then the way that that drone captured the ball falling right into the mustard. So it is. I actually, you know what I would love?

I would love to see this opening credit on IMAX. I want to be at like one of the theme parks, you know, like at Disney, where they have at Disneyland, they have like, you know, like flying over California and you sit in a chair and they make it feel like you're flying over the Grand Canyon. I was like, fuck the Grand Canyon. Give me the Vanderpump rules, opening credits. I mean, I feel like I'm flying through every restaurant.

It's so exciting. I don't like those. They make me feel like I'm gonna poop because all they really do is put vibrations into your chair. Oh, I thought you meant the opening credits. Okay, go on. No, those rides where they're like flying out, lids the back to the future ride.

Look, the chair is shaking and now it's vibrating onto your butthole. I don't like that. You know another thing that I'm having problems with, heated seats in my car. They came on the other day, I guess I hit the wrong button and I was like, am I pooping myself? It does feel like that a little bit.

No, but the one I'm talking about, I'm not talking about like back to the future ride because that drives me nuts to you're just in a box. They shake you around. I actually I like that. But like they, they shake you around. Thanks for the bat. Thanks for the hurt. Big IMAX versions where they have like you're all in a theater and your your legs are dead. Your seats rise up a little bit. So you feel like you're floating and your legs dangle and you just sort of like glide along through clouds across like

savannahs and like lions down below. But I want that but except I want I want the IMAX experience of flying through a savannah except make it Sir Restaurant. Oh God. This is just dust bunnies and nickel-lame lights everywhere. There's a goat cheese ball tumbling in the wind. Yeah, a lot of, I wonder if you'd see the human trafficking better from up there. Okay, so we're looking at the opening.

So we go to something about her. The drone is flying around Katie and Ariana. Katie's, I don't know what they're holding. I think one of them's holding like a little tiny teacup and one of them's holding like a toothpick a fried deep fried one Katie about to swallow a deep fried toothpick You know chef Penny was in the background holding up like a pomegranate like she did on the food network at that time Do you remember that when chef Penny was doing her photos you for like chef Penny for those who don't know was originally a Contestant on a next

food network star and her whole bit was that her her angle was that she is the sexy chef and so they had to do like a photo shoot to you know to see what their brand would be like and she like held up like a pomegranate or an apple but I think it was a pomegranate and she's sort of like hid behind it and like turned her back to the wall and turned forward with the pomegranate so I'm just like imagining her being like okay this is my moment with the pomegranate. So I'm just like imagining her being like, OK, this is my moment for the pomegranate in the background of Vanderpump rules, opening credits. She's just behind the counter. One thing they did in something about her, which I don't get is they put

Tom Sandoval, Tom Sandoval, Philip's Hugh White's all over the place. Did you notice? But there's a blue instead of pink. Well, I think they're contractually obligated. If you receive any sort of money Or any kind of assistance from Lisa Vanderpump. You must include some sort of Highlight in the in the background that is along the spectrum between blue and fuchsia. Yeah Okay, so then we go over to Tom Tom Tom and Tom and

Sandoval is pouring Schwartz a drink which which is typical. Of course Schwartz goes to work and just sits in the bucket and borrows. Of course you have the passive role in the opening credits. Of course Schwartz does. And then we go to James LaLunchina at Sir, the DJ stand. You guys are way overdressed for Sir. Yeah, I was like, where are the people from Wisconsin? They should be in the shot too.

And then, Oh, we get them in this show though. Why, I mean, Burbank airport plays a large part in the show. Ben mentioned it in the opening about children sitting in his chair. Uh, we mentioned James already moved to Burbank and lives under the airport. And now we get the people of the airport, the people of the Burbank and lives under the airport. And now we get the people of the airport, the people of the Burbank airport at James's big DJ scene later. Wow. Yeah. And so then after we

see the three of them, the camera like pans to the left. And here comes Lisa Vanderpump walking in slow motion into the restaurant, which is nice. But I kind of liked sedentary Lisa from last season more when she was sitting at her table. Remember the drone flew over to her and she was just at table 19 drinking her pump teeny with a dog on her lap. I like that. I think the best Lisa was the magic Lisa.

The season when she came on into magic cape. I was like, ah, I'm through the cape often. Oh, I hated Lisa's magician era. I mean, I feel like she still got like a little foot in it, but when she would wear the blazers with like the bow ties or like the rhinestones, that couldn't stand it. Well, now Lisa, Lisa's theme this season is anime Lisa. I don't know if the real Lisa died, but Lisa, first of all,

huge rack, huge, I mean, she's just, I love Lisa Vanderpump, by the way. Everybody who hates Lisa, this is not your's just, I love Lisa Vanderpump, by the way, everybody who hates Lisa, this is not your place. I fucking love Lisa Vanderpump. She's one of my all time favorites. And so when I comment on this stuff, it's out of love. Okay, she comes in, huge bodacious Tata's, and she's in pink, of course.

And now she's given herself anime eyes. Cause you know, a true house, a true real housewife always comes into a new season with a new face. If you've got the same face as last year, you're not trying hard enough and I want you to fuck off my television. I only want you a new season if you've got a new look to you, facially. And she does. She literally pulled her eyes so far open, they look like this now. She looks like a filter on Snapchat where you make yourself look like a Pixar character. I love it.

It looks so good. I want boobs and eyes. I'm going to get boobs and eyes by the crappies. So after this wonderful opening credits montage, we then go to Tom and Arianna's house. Um, and we see their cat, Ariana's cat kitty. And then we see like tons of flowers on the kitchen island and Ariana's just by herself. And she proudly announces, I'm going to make my own latte because

that's how we roll around here, which is significant because, uh, famously Tom Sandoval used to always make Ariana. The, what was it called? I'm dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb latte. The what was it called? I'm dumb. Dumbling. The dumpling latte. I almost had to come out. Dumbling.

Dumbling. Remember I remember I pushed back on that last year. I was like, there's no way it was called the dumpling. I said, he clearly said the double latte, but it turns out that was massively wrong on that. Yeah. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb this scene with a song that's like, watch me now. Hmm. Yeah, watch me now. Oh, yeah. Watch me now. And then we see a sign that says Valley Village. I was like, yeah, you guys are, you guys are basically doing

coke off a hooker's ass right now. Yeah, I know. That was, that was a little bit of a warning sign to me. Like the emphasis on Valley Village and Burbank this episode was a little bit too much for me. But also this latte, my real takeaway from this latte is that Ariana, she makes like a little heart on it with a cinnamon pen.

Have you ever seen such a device, a cinnamon pen? No. How do you feel about it? I don't need a fucking cinnamon pen. I've got infuriated at the cinnamon pen. Part of coffee art is learning how to do the shapes. You know, like when you go to good earth or whatever that place is, earth cafe, earth mother

or whatever the fuck that place is, we go to sometimes when we have to meet a flaky person in LA, we always go there. But that's where they make like a pretty, you know, it's like, and they do it with the milk. They're like, look, it's a leaf. Yeah. Yeah.

I felt that way too. I felt like it was a, it felt like a cheat, but at the same time I also, but I'm like, but I feel like there's probably some really fun uses for a cinnamon pen or you can put other things in it. You could probably put like powdered sugar in it. Yes, you probably could, a Coke pen. You know, it's like you want like powdered sugar in it. Yes, you probably could a Coke pen. It's like you want like your name and Coke.

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She's like, hi, kitty. Am I gonna make my own latte? I am because that's how I roll, right? Miss Maya, because I can do that. Look, I made a heart with a cinnamon pen. He'd never do that for me with my cinnamon pen. I was like, oh my God, call somebody over. Who thought it was a good idea to start Ariana off

with the monologue at the curing? Call somebody in. I mean, I guess we're all supposed to be impressed that you learned how to make a goddamn curing, you know? I am because that's hard. It's harder than it looks. Also, you know what I want for Ariana? I want her to, I want her to treat herself to like, I don't know, Phil's coffee or intelligentsia

or like a burr of coffee. Like are there really just no options in Valley Village for coffee? You just have to go to the curing in the corner with Tom's fingerprints all over it. I want better for her. Yeah. Um, and there's a posted on the hood that says hashtag team Arianna. Yeah. Uh, so I love that. You know, I love that for her. Um, and I love that Tom has to see it every day when he walks downstairs. Yeah.

So then we go to Sheena and Brock in Marina Del Rey. And Sheena's- I don't think they're in Marina Del Rey. It's not like- It's not Marina Del Rey. It's set it? Yeah. Oh, in that case, I must have blanked that part out.

I must have had it. I said Marina Del Rey. You know what? Because I was like, oh, they got a little apartment closer to the city, but no, it said Marina Del Rey. Wow. Oh, you know what little they got a little apartment closer to the the city but now it's the marina. Don't worry. Wow Oh, you know what? I should learn better I should learn by now after the whole dumpling latte fiasco. I really shouldn't push back on these things that I've missed But now you're making me double think it cuz doesn't she live right by Lala now or was she just hanging out?

So Lala's in Westwood and that I did take note of because that was a surprise to me that Westwood would make an appearance on Vanderpump rules Westwood is really the land of Shah's the sunset Westwood. Oh yeah, what Shah's the sunset like right Vanderpump rules is like West Hollywood now the West Hollywood Hollywood now the Valley sometimes like a career town Yeah, well as of yeah, this I looked it up. Sheena's Palace inside Vanderpump Rules Star. Sheena Shea's new 1.2 million dollar Marina, tell rate townhouse featuring a pool, a home gym, and gigantic anime eyes. Oh, sorry, that was me.

Carry on Sheena, never did the view of far. I mean, she was in this, she was in this place last season, but I just never noticed it was in Marina Del Rey. Because two years ago, they were in Hollywood. She had been in Marina Del Rey famously, then moved to Hollywood, so she went back. She was like, you know what I really want? A longer commute.

I really miss having my long commute. I really miss living somewhere where it's like a pain to ask for every single person in the entire world to come visit me. Yeah. I love Marina. I'm a Marina person. I really miss living somewhere where it's like a pain to ask for every single person in the entire world to come visit me. Yeah. I love Marina. I'm a Marina person.

Like this, like a certain kind of person that lives in Marina and it's like, oh, Stacey's best thing she ever did on the show was explaining to everyone who lives outside of Los Angeles how awful it is to go to Marina Del Rey. And everywhere, didn't they make LA like an LA map of like horrible? Every she did the map and she showed all the highways you have to take. Like that was such a true thing. Like people don't realize it is so difficult to get into Marina Del Rey. You know, but you know, here's the thing. As you get older, all of your friends do start moving.

Like they do move to the Val. You have to admit it. They do do of your friends do start moving. Like they do move to the valley. You have to admit it. They do do that. They do do that. My friends have started to do it. So even when I come back to visit, it's going out there. And what they do is they gang up together as outsiders. They gang up and they're like,

oh, well now it's a pain in the ass to go see Ronnie in West Hollywood. Fuck that. Why would we do that when we have this great neighborhood bar called Tom O'Brien's or whatever the fuck, cause they're all called Tom O'Brien's. They are all called Tom O'Brien's.

And there is an Irish horror in the back gutter dying and having Dirk being written about her. I'm very fortunate, like a lot of my friends have stayed in like the Hollywood, West Hollywood area. And I feel like that is such a blessing that my circle has not moved all the way out to the valley. I mean, I just feel so good to see people pooping on the streets and doing men. Yes, I still get to visit my friends in an area where there's no parking.

Yeah. But meanwhile, everybody in the Val is like ganging up on you like, now when he's to go see Ben fucking loser with a tiny parking. So Sheena's telling Summer, who Summer Moon, the name of the local coffee place by me. It's called Summer Moon. Is it really? And yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I don't have it up here, but my coffee cup always says Summer Moon. You haven't noticed? So she's like, Summer Man, how do you spell your name? And don't forget the silent letters. And she's like, Um, S-C-H-O-E-M-M-R-M-R-O-H-U-H-E-A-N. You're so close, you're so close.

You're so close. What's the way that Sheila really knows how to spell? And she was like, OK, now do you remember the other word we were working on? Do you remember how to spell moon? And she's like, M Z V G. It. MZVG. It's, ah!

Sheena is one of those parents who's gonna be so supportive of you, even when you're doing wrong stuff, that I think you're just never gonna learn, or you're just gonna think you're like the hottest person or the smartest. I was talking the other day, talking about the other day how my parents filled me with too much fake confidence.

And I think Sheena was one of those parents. I literally went to a modeling agency one time. Like my parents have me thinking I'm so hot. You are hot, Ronnie. You are me. Oh yeah. I'm a real model. You should be the police.

Ben, come on now. Come on now. It should be. I know, I'm no New York model. Okay. But my parents were like, yeah, you could do whatever you want. Parents stop filling your heads. Your kids heads with delusion because when we get into the real world

and we realize that that's not true, it's very depressing, you know. Well, I enjoy it after, you know, testing summer with her vocab. The there was like a little deleted scene. I don't know if you saw it online, but if you missed it, I'll play it for you right now. So we are going to play some games That was actually someone saying that So then we go to James and Allie in their new. And I remember reading about him getting his house too. That's so great.

You know, like James may possibly be abusive and terrible and horrible and maybe a murderer in the future. We don't know. We don't know for this show. No, no, no, he could be very possibly could be, but you still root for James, you know? Yeah, there's, yeah, there's, it's so annoying

cause he really, he has exhibited some of the worst behavior on the show of all time. And yet there's just something, you do kind of root for him. It's almost like, I feel like with him, you see his flaws, but you see also, like a person struggling to get beyond their flaws

in a way that like, Jax never, it never felt sincere. Whereas James, I feel like does really want to better himself and always falls back into his trap, which I think is interesting. But yeah, they, James and I don't know, you just gave him a lot more credit than I ever did. You're like the capital one of this conversation. Oh, yeah, we're gonna slap. Whoever. We're gonna slap then, Ronnie. I'm trying to better myself.

Slap. I think I just like him because he's like maintains abs and I I'm jealous and I'm like, you know what? He's younger and he's younger and he's got abs. So I'm always gonna believe in him But whereas Jax doesn't look younger Jax just eat Jax is younger than me, but Jax just is like He just he makes me feel like I could be better than him even though I'm not but James I just don't feel but I don't know. I think it just all comes back to me. I think with, I think with James, we're just gonna, we'll move forward. James is just a, uh, I think what's playing with James is he and Lala, no matter how hard they try, they will always be the B team, no matter what. And James is like a very A team

of the B team. But like, for instance, everyone like a few years ago, everyone moved to the valley and they got these amazing modern farmhouse houses and that are gorgeous, whatever. And James and Ali moved to the valley and their house is really cute. But of course, our house is under Burbank airport. Like, that is so James to be like, it's like very la la too. But like James to be like it's like very la la too But like James to be like look almost as good as Tom Sandoval But I'll have a plane of my house because by the way when I first moved to Los Angeles my when I was looking for my very very very first apartment I Almost moved in to one of those places That's under Burbank Airport and I just remember I'd even put down a deposit like a hold. And I just remember standing there outside this building, and there was

a plane overhead, and there was a dog kennel across the street. And between the barking and the plane, I was like, I can't do this. And so when that plane goes over James house, like, I know how loud that plane is. And I know how every time a plane goes over, it pierces this vision of success and domesticity that James has created with Allie, which I think is hilarious. Well, it sure does. It flies right over. And that's, and LA is crazy because the house is $1.3 million. Jesus. I mean, it's a nice house. It is. It's a cool,

Ashoturf. I think also the other people got their homes before COVID, and COVID really fucked with the home market, because everything doubled or tripled after COVID. And I think there you can't get a farmhouse in the valley for that. They probably paid the same, don't you think? They probably paid like $1.5 million for their homes.

They probably did, but the interest rates were lower. Isn't that funny that there was higher interest for James than there was for the wrestling cast? It's like the only place that exists. I have a lot of interests. So James come here, he hears James go, Ali Pali and which anytime he rhymes, you know, he's in good little boy mode. And so he comes sliding into a living room like Tom Cruise in risky business, you know.

Yeah. Um, yeah. When he says Ali Bali, I was like, Oh my God, don't get drunk and emotionally abusive, you know, cause I feel like when guys are drunk and emotionally abusive, that's what they do. They rhyme your name with things and then they slide on the floor and their socks trying to be all cutesy. Right.

Because they're compensating for a terrible behavior the night before. Exactly. Like that's their flowers for the day. You know, they can't get flowers every day. They're going to look like Ariana's kitchen. That's their flowers sliding into the kitchen and saying, Ali-Bali. Ali-Bali. And he's like, can you believe that this is our house, babe?

It's literally been two months to the day and it's the perfect house. I feel like it's crazy, but it's so quiet in there and then the airplane flies overhead You're like everything rattling like this is like one of those old-timey shows where someone lives by like the elevated subway or something Yeah, the whole house is shaking And whole house is shaking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she goes, well, we do live by the airport. So there, that's a catch, I guess. And I like that Vander Prump rules. They're all such pros.

Well, I mean, not Allie, she's new here, but everybody else, like, they're such pros at this, but they still have to do the old improv scene starting back up, like, here we are at our new house, which is so great and so domestic and so quiet, but it's under the airport best day ever. And by the way, kudos to the post production on the Vanderpump rules for literally inserting every cutaway to Southwest Airlines. Every every two sentences that would cut away to

another plane going overhead. The entire show. It was brilliant. Tom, let's go over to Tom Schwartz's house. He's watering plants. He's got a lot of plants in there and he's, you know, giving his, he's talking to them like they're his friends. He's like, what's up, Bruce? Oh, you're going to take it up for the weekend. Hey, have a drink. You're not driving. Hey, buddy, boss. Hey, Hey have a sip you can't fall off a wagon If you never got one on God on one in the first place on my right are we friends? Hey fight cuz offers do because dingus want to taste little buddy open wide and swallow a piece of heaven It's like why are you trying to make all your plants drug addicts you fucking push her back away? Yeah, his apartment has really become a vortex of sadness. It's just like gloomy in there.

There's like plants, but the plants don't make it look more lively. Just the plants somehow make it look more dead. And it's just like, it's a sad place. I want to save the plants like the plants look like they're trapped. Like the it's it's like, what's the inverse of little shop of horrors where the plants are the ones that are trying to get away from the human. I don't know. But Kate, then we go over to Katie. She's coming over, she goes over to Ariana's house and she's got new hair. She's got that short, short haircut and everything.

And Katie's like, oh, my God, every time I walk in here, it looks like a floral shop because there's like a million bouquets and everything on Ariana's counter, you know, because everyone's like, yeah, Ariana. And she's like, well, these ones are birthday flowers. So are you excited to go thrifting? And she's like, yeah, I'm really excited to find like cute tea cups or something. Drifting. I love how Katie shows up to the first day of work, just like chipper as hell.

She's like, I gotta go my tea cups. Thrifting is also known as the courtship with Tom Schwartz. So, exactly because you remember that scene from last year, right? Where he's like, babe, let's go find a couch in the thrift store. And she's like, why don't you ever spend any real time with me? Remember?

And then they bought that ugly couch for their restaurant and then there, you guys have a budget, you have investors, why do you keep going to the thrift store? Go to the restaurant supply store. So Katie tells us everything's been falling into place with something about her. We secured our location last summer, September,

and we got it all redesigned by John Huffman, who's Nancy Meyers production designer. I think he was maybe confused or on a bender or something like that. He didn't really realize what he was, what he had signed up for. But anyway, we got him and we brought Penny on in a more official capacity to do our menu and be our CEO or Coup, our CEO, COO. So I was like, oh gosh, Katie, this is a bad sign. Not being able to remember the concept of a C-O-O. And also making it Penny. Listen, that's an odd choice.

I mean, I think Penny came up, well, I don't know that she came up with it, but Penny popularized goat cheese balls, right? She came up with all that stuff. She's been working for Vanderpoop for years and years, darling. I think we all see where this is going. By the way, right? She came up with all that stuff. She's been working for Vanderpoop for years and years, Donning. I think we all see where this is the oh, by the way, right? Like some sort of bitter lawsuit between Penny and Katie and Ariana. Things are gonna go south. Like we already, we see where this, you're from now, what next season's drama is gonna be. Yeah. There really is something

about her as Chef Penny soothes over the use of tuna fish balls after her absence or whatever. So she's like, yeah, um, it's totally falling into place. And she goes, why is it so quiet in here? Oh, because he is in New Zealand shooting some kind of competition reality show. And then we cut to Tom Sandoval in the desert with his phone doing like a 360, like, oh, oh, oh, oh. You just hear the echoes from the canyons like, don't sing, don't sing, don't sing.

Yeah, this was that, I think it was a show on Fox, right? Where it was like a boot camp, like some sort of special forces. Yeah. Both those, Tom's really got the raw end of the stick when it came to parlaying Scandavall into, uh, into special appearances. Cause Tom Schwartz was on that show about pretending you're going to Mars. I mean, wow. And winter house. I know. Mariana's on Broadway and the cover of Lamar magazine and Tom Schwartz is pretending he's

going to Mars and Tom Santa Paul is getting his ass kicked in the desert. Yeah, I was talking to my friend and they were, she was telling me about the Raquel podcast or the Rachel podcast. And I was like, oh, I've read a little bit about it on the Vanderpot Recaps Instagram or whatever, but I haven't really listened to it. And she goes, yeah, you know, they made a really, someone made a really good point about how, you know, Rachel should really be cashing in now. Cause everyone else is cashed in.

But you did it. You were the one who did the thing. You're not the, you're not the one who survived the thing. You're the one that did the thing. You know what I mean? Like what do you, why is everybody waiting for her to get her, her cash in or whatever? Yeah. But you know, why not? I think Rachel did it. I think Rachel should not have come out with a podcast. Not because I find it offensive or anything, but like, you got to play the game smart. You go underground for a long time, long enough that people start to get a

weird nostalgia for like, God, remember like Rachel, like it wasn't like, what a crazy ridiculous force in nature. And then she makes her big return and everyone's like, oh my God, like I was like so not on her side during Scandival, but secretly I'm like happy that she's back. But like by coming back on a podcast, she's like too much in her life still. She needs to go away, go away so people can want her again. Really?

Cause I think you're supposed to strike while the iron's hot, right? But what is she striking? Is she striking the iron? I feel like she might, yeah, you're supposed to strike while the iron's hot, right? But what is she striking? Is she striking the iron? I feel like she might, yeah, you're supposed to strike while the iron's hot, but like, I feel like she's striking a wall or something. I don't think she's striking the right thing.

She keeps answering the iron, unfortunately. Say hello. Ow. Also, you know, Bethany's producing that, right? Bethany's producing, like, ah, it's under my umbrella. It's the eye heart, yeah, you know? Cause I was like, who is this girlany's producing that, right? Bethany Franklin. Oh, right. Like, ah, it's under my umbrella at the eye heart. Yeah, you know, because I was like, who is this girl? Like, who is she?

Like, I don't even know who she is, you know? How do you watch your show? Yeah, people have an interest. So I was like, you know what? You should tell the story from your side. That's what people need. And I think every episode is her being like, okay, now let's talk about the time

when I went on that date with Peter. The producers made me do it. And. Oh, she did bring up the starter pony thing, but she didn't mention this. Hey, come on, bring up the stoweem. It was our thing. It was our thing. Yeah. We made a brought up the starter pony thing about Peter. And she said that Peter got like super furious. Peter's so mad about the starter pony thing. But I do love, I do love one thing that I will always be grateful to

Raquel for is that she took our starter pony thing and then made it like a, a thing that people say about, about like first boyfriends or first sexual experiences. Guys, you know what? She made us like, she made slang for us. Okay. Thank you. She made slang for us. Okay. Thank you. Love it. Okay. So, um, so, Arianna is telling us three months ago when Tom blew up our lives and then we see the clip of, I don't give a fuck about fucking Michael. And then we cut back and she's like, I wasn't prepared to be kicked out of my house to start a whole new life.

So even though we're still under the same roof, I've been able to maintain a no contact policy. Here's who you need to contact. A maid. What's wrong with you two? Both of you. Tom and you being depressed does not excuse this. How do you live like this? I know we see both their rooms. There's clothes everywhere. It was like, was Sierra here from summer house? So she says page is just under a pile of clothes. Like, I'm awful. Those if I ever get up. Sorry. I'm sorry. Do you want to like gossip in here and watch Love Island?

Okay. I'm hiding away from Craig. He thinks I'm in New York. So then Ariana says that she communicates, they both communicate via Tom's assistant Ann. And then we see this, this girl Ann. Well, first we see Ariana texting saying, Hey, Ann, please tell him to turn off the LED lights at night. It's annoying the neighbors. And then Ann in the kitchen is just like smiling and loves this job. And she's like, oh, and she texts back. Um, he says they fall under freedom of speech. He's fucking disgusting. This guy, I'm so glad they didn't put him in the first episode. Oh, I don't, I need a week where I'm not like, he's so fucking disgusting.

But yeah, your elite turn off your fucking LED lights, Brian. Oh, okay. Like, yes, they fall under freedom of speech, but I also that like, or having LED lights on to have like atmosphere in your room. Is that really a, is that really a speech in that moment? Is that like a, is that a, are you making a statement or you just trying to have good lighting? Okay.

Um, so they're talking, what are we talking about? Oh, she goes, oh, and get this, this fucking guy, like he wants to buy me out and stay in the house. And Katie's like, well, if he has the money, then take it and go buy something new. And she's like, oh, I'm sorry. So I have to move out and you don't have to move out. Like, what are you going to bring your little penpal over here? I don't think so. So she's going to keep living with him so that he doesn't get the house.

Listen, I've, I've heard that it's because he won't give her market value for the house, which is bullshit because hello, it's her investment too. Fool. Like if you're going to invite, invite her out, if you're going to buy her out, you have to at least give her market value. Um, it is extraordinarily ballsy. Like there's, you know, there's like one narrative where you have one convenient narrative where you say, you know what, she says, fuck this guy, she moves out, she starts a new life. Great. She gets her own place with her own memories starts to yadda,

which is very empowering. But then there is also Ariana's logic, which is like, wait, you cheated on me and then I have to move out. No, it's you should move out. Why should I have to move out of this house that I love just for you? Because you fucked up. No, this is mine. So I kind of back her on this. And I also got the house for cheap back then. Like we said, it was pre COVID when they got this house. They got a nice big house for a lot less than they would have to pay now for anything new, right? So. Yeah, so I mean, I would not be surprised

if he was offering under market value. That makes sense. Oh God, so gross. But the thing is like, it would be a good value if she got to stay in the house, but it wouldn't be a good value if she had to buy him out of the house at the current market value. Cause what fun is that?

You know, that's where it gets like, just go. Just go away. I don't think that, oh, I'm sure the house's value has gone up since they bought it. But that's what I'm saying. Like if she bought him out of the house instead and she was giving him fair market value, it's not really a deal anymore.

Really the bargain is if you get, if you're both paying the same mortgage at a fixed rate that you were when you first bought it before COVID and all that hit, then it's a good deal. But if you're having to like suddenly start paying market value for half of this house, fuck that. It's not a good deal. You know? Yeah. And meanwhile, uh, she also notes, uh, that like she says, from what I can tell, Tom and Rachel are very much together. They're sending mail and packages back and forth to each other.

She even sent a postcard with lightning boats all over it. Like get a new bit already. And we see that Rachel has actually sent a postcard with lightning bolts all over it. Like, get a new bit already and we see that Rachel has actually sent a postcard that says like, Arizona and it has lightning bolts all over it. Oh my God. So I read also in that recap of the podcast that she was talking about this part, she's like, and then Tom told me like I could send him mail

because his assistant checks the mail, but then of course, Ariana checked the mail and not his assistant. I was duped, duped into sending a postcard. I'm like, oh my God. So now you're the victim of being duped and descending a postcard. Come on now.

Yeah. And we also learned who sends postcards anyway, who does that bizarre? I know. And then and then on top of that, apparently Tom had his assistant glue the penis flute back together after Logan broke it last season. Why are you having your assistant do that? I cannot even believe that at the very least, like you do it yourself. You're going to have your assistant glue the, the flute pack. Jesus. Especially in 2020 three, I don't think you could do that.

Hey, Chutz, glue this dick back together. Would you like, I don't think you're supposed to do that. Um, also it reminds me cause I was thinking when was the last time I got a postcard from my Mima, but no, the last time I got a postcard was from Planned Parenthood. Cause I donated money after the, um, um, Supreme Court decision or whatever. Girl, they've spent more money emailing me actual mail than I think I gave them in the first place. I was like, this class is a lot of money. Text me, girl.

No, I think I'd rather have a postcard than to be texted or emailed by any organization, to be honest. Too much. So, rather the Fizz mail, listen, save a tree. Yes. Save a tree. Yes. But like the thing is this, like the amount of emails that will be generated, like, you know, you buy one cup at like sacks off fifth. And then next thing you know, you're getting those emails, like, here's a deal.

Someone, here's a bag of pebbles for five dollars off So now J. Austin, Maine. We mean you Jocin, Maine He's fucks and way fair every other email email two times a day those fuckers. Oh, and by the way, thanks Ronnie Thanks for making me go to the team who website to look at it to see what the hell was because now all I get are team of emails and notifications and and ads on all my social You could win 80% off Well, let's go back to James and Ella So James they're in the backyard and they have like a like an IKEA box and he's like, hello

What should we build today? What should we do? I'm good little James. I'm a good little boy who I like to build things Okay, I'll tell you one thing. I'm not gonna build a sloth for girlfriend. That's not what I'm gonna build it all sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean to say that And so they're gonna make a shelf and they have an astroturf backyard which sounds Okay, except they also have a dog and I'm not sure how that's gonna work out So we see what she's like when is our first pool party? And he's saying, well, oh, it's funny. It's not on the one who's got pool after all that time, Sandoval stopped inviting me to his pool parties. I think it's just more convenient now.

Isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? James is still obsessed about this pool party thing that like no one on the internet ever cared about. Like no one was like, it is so fucked up that Sandoval never invited James to pool parties. Like no one is no one's carrying a flag for this one. And Ali's like, yeah, well, you know what? He wasn't inviting you because you were one less person to worry about hiding it from.

What was that? Ali, I didn't hear that last pause. Southwest is the 3 p.m. flat was going overhead. What was that, Ale? I didn't hear that last part. Southwest is the 3pm flight was going overhead. So he's saying, you know, obviously my feelings are hurt by Scandavall. I think I've said it enough times for him to hear it. Carry your pigeons, have been telling him, you know what your friend James,

well, those feelings are hurt, all right? Because you've been having an affair with his ex and also shut them out of the old group. You know, is there a world in which you and Sandoval could ever be friends again? Or is there a world where you can find the Alan wrench? Cause I'm kind of at an impasse here on step three. So he's like, that's a guy friends. This guy's lost his fucking mind and he tells us I've seen clips of his God

awful performances, you know, shirtless, laughing into the microphone, shouting Raquel's name, singing things to the tune of itsy bitsy spider, like what's my phone fell out of my pocket? Someone picked it up like good God, man. Get a hold of yourself. Have some self respect. And we do actually see footage of Tom at his at his concerts and there's like one where he's just like bongoing.

I'm like, oh geez, shirtless bongoing. Oh, I can't. That's an old Bravo star thing because that's what Luanda's to in her show. She's like, and now is the section where I play an instrument. Come on, baby, do the conga. I'm hitting bongos. Emilio Estevez is on Miami, and I'm playing bongos still. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

So then we go to Brock and Sheena, and you know that they're a couple who's really in love because they just sit on their phones even when they're talking to each other. They don't look at each other, they just look at their phones. And I've learned that that's love. It is.

You know what? I swear, like every time I have conversations on this couch, I get like scanned, scanned the ball flashbacks. And then we see three months earlier, that scene, that famous last scene where like Santa balls like, oh, like I was like supposed to end the relationship. You have a freaking conversation report. So we cut back and they're staring at their phones and she's like, um, so you haven't heard from him at all

after Ali died? And he's like, no, by, I've no from him. And then we see that she tells us that one of Tom's best friends from childhood, Ali passed away. And she's like, yeah, and he was our friend too. Like we got really, really close with him. He was big on brisket. Yeah, that was a, that was.

He was big on brisket. Those are like a bizarre detail to add into the eulogy. Like, did you put that on his gravestone? I'll leave. Could it brisket? Like a great guy, thoughtful. He was always there to help. Big on brisket. Big on brisket.

So Brock is like, yeah, I mean, the guy didn't do anything right, but like the amount of disconnect that everyone gave to him is sort of sad. Like Brock is sort of suggesting that like, oh, like, yeah, you know, Tom was, Tom fucked up, but man, everyone really, like everyone just dropped him out of their lives.

Sort of mean. Yeah, of course, Brock Brock standing up for it. The worst. Right. Like literally I messaged him and I was like, Tom, I don't even have words right now. I just want you to know that we're like all sending you love and condolences and please reach out if you need us.

I wanna make sure you're okay. Did you get the brisker recipe? And guess what? Like, I literally didn't even hear from him. I was like, I'm going to send like another message. And then that one was not delivered. So then I sent like five more and they both came back and I thought, well, maybe he's busy playing times. But no, then I realized he like blocked me and then I looked on Instagram and

he like blocked me there. And then like, he also also blocked shenanigans my podcast available for free weekly and also he blocked like my sister and he blocked summer moon Summer moon. I love the E block summer moon. Who does that besides you? And she's like, I got it. You hate me you blocked me you blocked the podcast But you go and block summer moon like how could you block that adorable face? Who does that? I mean, what is, I mean, what, what, what is the latest that we know about Rachel? And, uh, they're talking about how Rachel's been in a facility for 45 days, and then she went for another 30 days and everything. And Brock is like, I don't know that one is whole bag of mixed worms to be honest mix worms

I like the idea of a bag of a mixed variety of worms inch worms inch worms earthworms worms from dune all the wins so then we go to Lala at home with her mom and Her kid is like hiding under a pile of toys or something because she pooped. I don't know. I'm only kids. I'll tell you that much I don't think the kid is there because we learned later on the kids not because of the situation the kids not available to be on Vanderpump rules, but Lala's setting up like a ball pit.

Oh, I thought she was hiding under the toys or something. Cause didn't she say something like, this is where she likes to go hide when she poops? I think she said something like that, but I don't think that she actually was in there. I think Lala was like, had like, has like a ball pit and, which was by the way, a ball pit was the original name of Vanderpump rules.

And then her mom, Lisa, is there in the other room. And Lala is like, I think of like my family as like a pod of orcas. Like, and like just like, you just add to the pod. Like no one ever leaves the orcas. I was like, is that true? Is that true with orcas? They just amass other orcas.

I thought it was funny that she made herself an endangered fucking out of course of course so we're gonna have another stab at the uh lala is the real victim this season because she didn't get her she didn't get her victim season last season because it ended up being ariana's victim season she was trying to have her and i think she's very upset that she never got her victim season so she she's going to rewrite everything and she's going to do it this year. And she's starting it off by comparing herself to a fucking orca. Okay. Lala, did you watch our planet too? The orcas were the villains.

They were the ones you hate the most. You, there was a very visceral and terrible scene with an orca and a little baby whale. Okay. And all I'm saying is, I don't know, I would just choose like Orcas had like a nice moment before, you know, with the, the whole SeaWorld thing. Everyone was like pro Orca, pro Orca, but Orcas are dangerous and scary. Although that, that being said, Orcas are also very funny because they're currently destroying yachts in the Mediterranean. Do you know about that?

I'm sorry. I'm looking up Orcas online. Like I'm, I'm like into Orca. And they're like, Ben's doing a monologue about Orcas. I'm going to take'm looking up orcas online. Like I'm like into orca now. You could be like, Ben's doing a monologue about orcas. I'm gonna take this moment to look online. So would you ask me if I knew about? The orcas that are destroying yachts off the coast of Spain. That is very.

Oh, they're still doing it? Yeah, I did hear about that actually from my friend Nora. She said that the boat, that they're attacking the boats and they're making them sink. Yeah, like I, like I I that's very scary and very dangerous That being said I would really love to see that happen. I'm below deck bad Just like captain saying like oh well, it looks like we got some workers attacking down there We're gonna have to bring up the toys. Okay

So why are they attacking the boats? Is there a reason? Who knows? They're thinking like is it like learn behavior? Is there a reason? No one knows. They're thinking like, is it like learned behavior? Is it a reaction to something? I don't know. But like, of course, Lala would attack the yacht. Like she would attack the thing that she like, the thing that she was fighting for. She's just trying to find Rand in one of those.

She's just hoping it's going to be Rand. So the point is Lala sees herself and her family as a bunch of orcas. And, um, she's, so basically her mom, her mom moved to LA and so did her brother. Um, and she says, my mama lives with me now. And like, she picked up her entire life from Utah and like moved it to LA. And she like helps me raise ocean. And then my

brother Easton's was like feeling left behind so he moved into the same complex and then left swipe and people are like um are you guys dating I'm like uh that feels like it would fuck up that dynamic it's good and she says that the custody thing is still ongoing with Rand and that she just wants what's in the best interest of her child, but Rand doesn't want her to have full custody. Like he even cares, but he doesn't want her to have full custody because he doesn't want to run Vanderpump rules. And I'm like, she can't even be on Vanderpump rules anyway. She doesn't even know how to house that. Like I need another bitch taking away my camera times. Happy to have her not on it.

Like I need another bitch taking away my camera times. Happy to have her not on it. So she's saying that she's got a lot of trauma to work through because, um, mama, mama, she starts crying. She's like, I thought, I thought everything was perfect when I still had my acts. And she's wearing her send it to Daryl shirt. Like I'm trying to take you seriously right now, but she's wearing her, um, capitalizing off scantable shirts. Um, was she was bullying? Okayizing off-scandable shirt.

Whilst she was bullying, okay. This is a thing that's so funny, and I'm not even sticking up for Raquel right now. I'm just pointing out that the Send It To Daryl's shirt came from an online kind of bullying moment from La La Towards Raquel, saying, "'Bitch, you're gonna give me a cease and desist. Send it to my lawyer. Send it to Daryl.'" So she's wearing this shirt as she's gonna kind of make

this whole episode about how she was really the only one who cared about Raquel in the end. Right. She's the only one who's willing to be my story. That's such a good point. And then she starts talking about how she has like, now that the custody sort of settled, she has like a lot of trauma to work through.

And, you know, she said, she thought she was with the perfect, it was the perfect time when she was with her ex. And so her mom tries to kind of like, yes, and her, but her mom kind of like runs out of steam because she's like, yeah, you thought it was the perfect time, the perfect partner, the perfect storm. I'm like, no, Lisa, perfect storm does not fit in this situation here. You know what, that's not a good thing. Like I wanted to be with Rand because I thought it was the perfect storm. Yeah. No, I was just, it was a bad storm, bad storm.

And Lala goes, yeah, but like in a good way, right? You mean, and she tells us last year's, I had to put everything on the back burner because I felt like I was like dealing with the custody battle, but now I've got to deal with my own heartbreak. Cause that just cry off the time. with the custody battles. But now I've got to deal with my own heartbreak. Because I just try. Oh, the time. And, you know, here's the thing about Lala. At the end of the day, no matter what kind of shit we talk on this podcast, you get this massive, especially me. I'm being, it's watching Southern hospitality. I'm going to say at the end of the day, 10 times,

like they do on that show. At the end of the day, I like Lala. I think Lala is such a likable person for the most part, but God damn, she really tries it. I have to say, every single scene, she really tries it as much as she can. Part of me is feeling for her in this part, because I'm like, oh my God, poor Lala. But then the other part is like, you married Rand. There is no person that is gonna tell me at any age, okay?

Not that you were a child anyway. You were 25 or whatever when all that stuff was going on. It's a lot younger than me, but it's still old enough to see a Rand for a Rand. I mean, it's Rand. It's not, what are we supposed to believe that you were just completely duped into thinking that that fucking guy was charming and nice?

He stole he took his Range Rover back from the other girl He was fucking to give it to you wasn't even a new Range Rover Didn't you notice that there was another Benson and Hedges menthol ashed out in that ashtray? Didn't you notice that there was another pink? iPhone cable hooked up to that thing when you got it. I mean, I just can't, I can't buy the whole thing, sorry. Well, you don't have to buy it because she, Lala later on, sort of like, she sort of is like accountable.

So she just like- Yeah, that's when she stuck me in the gut. She's like everything he says was true. And I'm like, oh no, why did I say that? I love you, Lala. I know, I think she did that. That's what the show does to me. I was like, oh, no, why did I say that? I love you. Lala, I know. I'm saying that. What that does to me. I was like, Oh, I was like, I love Lala. What'd you say? I told her it was like, Oh my God, she's so real. We're easily manipulated. I'm really.

Listen, when Lala, when Lala is like, when Lala's on the right path, she's like the best. And the right path is telling everyone to go fuck off. Right? Yeah. It's when she's on the right path, when she's on like a righteous path. That's when you're like, not quite as good. Yeah. But, um, uh, so either way, she's just saying now that like the trauma that she has from Rand has her suspecting every guy, every guy, it's like with Ariana's new guy, like, is he up to something? Is this, you want something? But it's really for every guy,

but really Arianna's guy. I was like, okay, so we're planting some seeds here about you're going to go for Arianna's boyfriend. Cool. A specifically Arianna's, uh, two things about that. You're right to worry about every guy. That's actually called instinct. And you should listen to that because most of us are pieces of shit. Yeah.

So listen to that. Especially the guys that circulate around your universe. Lala's universe. Yes. Ronnie. Yes. Was Ronnie. Yes. Well, mine, you know, mine too. Um, but yeah, listen to that.

That's called instinct. As far as Ariana's guy, I don't know yet. I mean, I don't think I'm suspicious of everybody's boyfriend at all times. I just explained why. So I mean, I say, go with that. We know nothing about Ariana's boyfriend. He looks really cute. He seems nice. I am, my red flag is that he We know nothing about Ariana's boyfriend. He looks really cute. He seems nice.

I am, my red flag is that he's a bartender and a personal trainer. That's my red flag, but that's all I have to go off of right now. The trainer is a huge red flag. Anybody encouraging other people to exercise and then I'm supposed to give you money for it? If I exercise, I expect to be given money for it.

The fuck am I giving you money for? I'm the one who did the thing. I got out there and I did something. I think it's a, for me, it's the combo bartender trainer. That scares me. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one.

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