Watch What Crappens - #2312 RHOM: Juice Boxing in Miamememe

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

A boat ride turns into a juice box assault disaster on Real Housewives of Miami when Lisa loses her shizz because people ask her not to feed the local dogs by tossing chicken into the water. ...Yes. This is actually what this episode is about, and we wouldn’t have it any other way. To watch the video version of this recap and for this week’s Southern Hospitality bonus episode, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. And grab both live and streaming tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Awards Feb 17 at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappffins the podcast for all that crap. We love to talk about. And your broths. I'm Ronnie.
Starting point is 00:00:49 That's been over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? I'm doing great. So good to see you. Handsome guy. Everybody.
Starting point is 00:00:57 Welcome to the show today. Israel Housewives of a medium. Me day. We're very excited to be here. Miami and Mexico loving it. The show's insane. Okay, so it's really. Wow, what an episode.
Starting point is 00:01:13 So good. Keeps getting weirder every episode. Super fun. Before we get to that, come to the crappies. Our Golden Crappy Bravo Awards are going to be on February 17th in Los Angeles, California, at the Palacita. We're really excited. It's going to be a big show. You can also get streaming tickets for online watching. There's a big online party where everybody has a big chat room and tucks
Starting point is 00:01:38 craft a whole night. That's super fun. You can get tickets for all that stuff. Just go to watch what Crapman's.com and this is a video Crapman's on demand video. So if you want to watch it, come to patreon.com. It's also where you find all our bonus episodes. This week we are talking Southern hospitality. So how are you today? What do you feel, Ben? I'm like, I'm great because it was such a good episode of Miami. I love Miami is always good, but when it's like really on when they have those like episodes that just like, have you like gagging? It's just so good.
Starting point is 00:02:16 And this episode, like, like I was like nearly crying in the first part. And then I'm like watching this a fight about, you know, throwing chicken at dogs. But it was like a good fight. And I was just like, it was, it was great. I'm so I'm filled with like lots of joy and excitement. How about you? Loved it. Not feeling great. I'm here for that. I put these sound things on my wall to like absorb echo sounds and they're made kind of a fur like felt. here let me just show you I think one fell you know what I'm talking about right they're not the big milk crate things they're
Starting point is 00:02:50 kind of like felt their thinner and it says just get really strong double-sided tape like gorilla glue or whatever and I did and they're falling off the wall and so every once in a while to see a crash it scares me and takes me out of my reverie. And now they're all crooked. And it looks like crap. And I'm pissed because they're made of fucking felt. Like who tells you that? Who makes things out of felt?
Starting point is 00:03:11 And then says, tape them to a wall. Oh well, you know, you should do, you should like pray to the Guadalupe about that. Oh my God. Let me tell you, if it wasn't for Guadalupe, I would have echoes in my house still. She saved me. You know the reason why the reason why they want you to tape them onto the wall is because when they fall you're gonna feel something. You're gonna jump and you're gonna
Starting point is 00:03:38 feel something and that's where they're covered in felt because you felt something. They just want me they just want to remind me I'm alive. Not a bad idea because ideas spend a lot of time staring at the wall like this with just spit coming down the side of my face. I'm sure everyone's shocked by that. Okay, let's go to day two in Mexico City with the ladies at the Montreal. Nicole's getting her glam and Julia comes over because Nicole's just gotten into town. And she's like, I just finished a 24 hour shift and I got the red eye to get here.
Starting point is 00:04:06 And then we see a really long clip, which kind of worried me for the episode because when they show long clips of nothing happening, it worries me on any show, but this one, they're like, look, there's Nicole. She's at work. Look, Nicole's leaving work. Look, Nicole's in a car now. Nicole's going to the airport now. Look, Nicole's on a plane. Look, Nicole got off the plane. Look, Nicole's getting in a car from the plane. Look, Nicole's, oh, she's tapping for him in and out.
Starting point is 00:04:32 There she goes, gets in there. Okay, now she's back in the car. Now she's going to the hotel. Now she's walking to the hotel room. Now she's closing the hotel room door. Time to tick in. Don't we have to go see Guadalupe today? Let's wait for some long people. It's like just in case we could not possibly imagine
Starting point is 00:04:51 what the process was for Nicole to leave work and come to Mexico City was. We had to have a very long illustration of the process. Yeah. And then even longer recap of it, which I'm sure everyone is really happy with after I just spent 20 minutes talking about putting felt on my wall. Guys, I'm sorry. Is that kind of day? So Nicole says she has spent how last night was and she says that Larsa of all people sent her the most hilarious post voice note and she's like, I'm like really thankful that I missed this dinner. And or she said I should be thankful. And so Julia was like, yes, it was the weirdest thing. It was two guys wearing black leather G string and it took it off last
Starting point is 00:05:27 over us and guess what was not even there? Good. Lucy clip of that weird fucking dinner with the guys dancing all over each other. They should have warned me because the food looked just like as balls. They are a book. So now we see Alexia doing she's doing her makeup and Marisol comes and she's like, bro, bro, Buenos dias, bro. And Alexia says, oh, well, you know, Peter, today the ladies, I'm going to take the ladies to see the Virgin Guadalupe because she's Jesus's mother and
Starting point is 00:05:59 she's celebrated throughout Latin America and she represents you being able to conquer any difficult situation in your life, including having to move apartments. Including your son being a saint because it's hard. It's hard when you've got a son that's a saint, you know. And an artist. Yeah, it's really hard, you know, because like, oh, well, you know, Peter, you know, people said Peter punched that homeless guy. I said, no, he was making art, you know? With the guy's face. Who's homeless. One of the things I have to conquer in life is having to understand what it's like
Starting point is 00:06:29 for people to not be stars. Cause I was born that way. So now down in the lobby, Lars is like, oh my God, don't we everybody like, we're going to like a church like, and like my totals are up, and like, I have like a sweater, I have like a sweater for the church. Yeah like you know Alexi and Marisol are wearing like a black outfit that's sort of a little bit more conservative at least by standards of this cast
Starting point is 00:06:55 but Lars and Ki-Ki come out like their boobs are just like fully out and they're showing some bit of ref and Lisa comes out she's wearing a top that has like it looks like a skin corset. It's like the cut out is to make it look like she's wearing a corset. It's like an inverted corset. Whereas in there's no fabric where there should be a corset. Ladies, you are going to church. OK. And I know there's the argument like there's a Mary Magdalene argument, you know, there's only one Mary Magdalene., you know, there's only one Mary Magdalene, okay?
Starting point is 00:07:25 We can't all be the Mary Magdalene. So, um, Mary is like a monkey. Have to cover yourself in the churns and say, Oh, don't worry. I brought a, I brought a sweater. I'm like, Oh God, now you guys are all, all the ladies from Miami have sweaters. Like, where did you get sweaters? And now You're all doing sweaters around Mexico come on now And then Gertie comes down and she has like her outfit just like goes over her head So she's looking very like Virgin Mary herself
Starting point is 00:07:56 So there are looks are all I'm gonna go to find this Guadalupe and you that right now So anyway So Julia tells us that she actually doesn't go to church and she separated herself from religion 23 years ago when she lost her son because she was going to church and she wasn't getting any answers and it just made her have more grief. So it's like for her to go to a church is actually
Starting point is 00:08:20 a very difficult emotional experience. And Adriana's not coming because she's gonna rest up for her performance tomorrow. Which, I like the suspect. Saying it back now, it's like, it's hard for me to go to the church because I have this extreme trauma of losing a child. And Adriana, I've gotta perform a gay pride.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Yeah, sorry. So they take two vans to the church and in one van, Kiki and Julia, Kiki needs lip gloss. So Julia is like, here I have some lip gloss on my lip. Oh! So they kiss so that she can get some lip gloss on her lips. And it's like, oh, it's a better way to do lip gloss now. And Gregg is like, what are you guys doing? Oh my God, these girls are crazy.
Starting point is 00:09:05 They're gonna find their lips with each other's lips. Plus it's wild. It's wild right now. And then we go to the other van number two. And Marisol asked Lisa if she's like, are you still going to Lenny's med spa? And Lisa's like, yeah, I do. You know, the way this was all set up,
Starting point is 00:09:19 I'll be linked to Lenny forever. And the worst thing about this for me is not having my kids 50% of the time but I do get Botox 100% percent of the time from Leni. I only get the kids 50% of the time but I also only pay 50% of the price of Botox so worked out. Sometimes I start crying in the shower for no reason. Here we go. Ah! Ah! And Marisol's like, oh, when we understand, monkey, you have a lot going on. Oh, it's going to get better. It is, it is.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Well, you know what, like, I feel like, like, we're gonna let go to, like, the church, like, and then, like, I feel like we're gonna let cry because there's so much emotion with us. Like, we're all going through so much. What are you going through, Larsa? What are you going through? It's really hard.
Starting point is 00:10:09 I have like a cat past. One of my biggest fans, he's like trucker, like a flat tire, like, so like, we're going through a lot as a community like. That's really hard. It's like really hard because like I'm rich, but like I'm gonna like marry another rich person. And like, you know what?
Starting point is 00:10:28 Your ex will like your babies and mine are really cold. I'm going through a lot like because I just got word that we have to re-record the opening of our podcast like and that took us like four hours to do like. I'm really upset because I have to wear sweater today. Like. Like, like. A church, they go in, this church is a frukin' gorgeous cathedral. What a gorgeous place, my God.
Starting point is 00:10:54 What's a gorgeous cathedral? If I were to feed churches, I would be like, this church is an icon. This church is a motherfucking icon. This church is mother. It's a cathedral metropolitan. is a mother fucking icon. This church is mother. It's Cathedral Metropolitan. And so they walk in and I was sort of like laughing at the the things that they put on to cover up. So Larissa has just kind of like a bib over her boobs.
Starting point is 00:11:16 So like, I don't know what she's talking about, the sweater. It was like a napkin or something that's just hanging over her, which I thought was hilarious. And Kiki was wearing like a big blazer. Like she looked like the kid in big after Tom Hanks turns into a kid again. And the kids just in big clothing. So there, you know, they're working on on their church modesty. And Julia, Julia is saying that it's like, you know, she knows how much this means
Starting point is 00:11:41 for Alexia to bring them there. So she's not going to make it about herself. So she's there to support them there. So she's not gonna make it about herself. So she's there to support them, even though she's not about going into churches. And it's pretty intense. Churches really do have that ability to be intense. I guess even if you're not really religious, but you're raised religiously, it can still get in you.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Like you can start doubting everything that you've believed. It's like, where am I wrong? Am I wrong? So then, have a nice Jewish steak. My maybe huge mistake. Okay, so Gertie, Gertie's like, I've been in plenty of church.
Starting point is 00:12:18 My father is a pastor, but this is surreal and serene. So they go to pray, of course Lisa's complaining. She's like, oh, what am I supposed to get on my knees? Is there anything for your knees? Lady! Like did Lisa just throw chicken at the Virgin Guadalupe? She's hungry. I'm sure it's better than the food you're getting in here, honey.
Starting point is 00:12:44 So it's actually a really emotional scene because obviously Gertie is going through a very scary experience and so she's crying and she's you know verbalizing that she is scared and the women are really like clutching her and rallying around her and Alexia tells us that like the only reason she was able to get through Frankie's horrific accident was because Because she felt like God directed her and it was the Virgin Guadalupe that really helped her and she understands like that feeling of being scared It was and like they were all you could see they were it was it was powerful it was powerful watching them all gather around Gertie and And sort of support her but also they're feeling
Starting point is 00:13:26 their own pain of whatever they're going through in their lives. I was like, you know what? Surprisingly touching. I mean, even Larsa was crying. Gertie's like sobbing, right? And she's like, I'm so scared.
Starting point is 00:13:36 And then Larsa is crying. She's like, thank you for crying for me, Larsa. That's so sweet. She's like, I'm not. It's just like, we're surrounded like the statue up there. This is quite a loopy lady. She's poor. Like, I think that must be like so hard.
Starting point is 00:13:52 I think Larissa was crying because she'd spent two days away from Marcus. It's been like so long like, so Marcus. They get like a respectful fade to black to go to commercial, which is rare, especially on this show. I mean, I'm glad that they didn't bring it like pom-frogs. That would have been sort of awkward. So then after the church, they-
Starting point is 00:14:09 And now the strippers come. The dancers come in and just start like dancing around Guadalupe. You know what, it helped. This is what helped me get past Frankie. And the strippers are what helped Frankie. Oh, look, there's Todd in the corner writing a message to Guadalupe. Dear Guadalupe, I would like to thank you for your services with my wife. Furthermore, I'd like to say I apologize for the way I mischaracterized you.
Starting point is 00:14:40 You're a wonderful saint. Here's some Godiva chocolates. you. You're a wonderful saint. Here's some good-diver chocolates. And furthermore, this is why Guadalupe, you should rent and not buy your next condo. As the Virgin Guadalupe once told her followers, renting is the way to go. Buying is a sucker's game unless it's for commercial. Oh my God. H5. Guadalupe is mother. Literally, literally. Literally am I right?
Starting point is 00:15:16 Okay so now they go back to the vans. Everyone's kind of in a daze from that. That was a surprisingly sweet scene. It really was. You would know it from listening to us, but it was. And they go back to the man's. Making fun of Todd, not making fun of the Virgin Guadalupe. And yeah, I'm not gonna qualify anything in that.
Starting point is 00:15:33 How about that? Okay. So Gertie is super, Gertie's saying it's super intense and base, and of course, Arsh just like, you know, it made me think of, like I feel like it made me like feel of like Marcus because like I like texted him and I was like, I'm gonna get married in this church like,
Starting point is 00:15:53 and then I took a selfie of myself in front of Guadalupe and he was like girl, so funny. Isn't that so funny like? Being married in the church is the best like. So then Gertie is telling people, yeah, like Larissa kept helping me during the entire time. She kept squeezing me and she was like,
Starting point is 00:16:13 I'm so sorry, Gertie. And like, that was very nice. That was very, very nice of her. And like Larissa was talking about like fake tears yesterday and now we're bawling together. She's holding me tight, tight. It was wild. So this is just so, there's so me tight tight. It was wild.
Starting point is 00:16:28 So this is just so there's so much that goes on on this show. My god, it's like the brightest show, right? It's the most colorful. It has the most colorful music and everybody like fashion patterns. But man, when they start talking, it's like you've got camps. You've got the cancer thing going on with Gertie and then you've got Julius thing, which is her son passed away, and that the only thing keeping her from killing herself when that happened was because she had this black and white cocker spaniel,
Starting point is 00:16:53 and that's why she loves animals so much. And she's like, you know, my farm is my temple, my goat is my guadalupe. It's actually really, oh my god. It's like heartbreak at this show It's like it can make you laugh, but also make you cry. I mean they swing from like like yeah Exuberance to tragedy like let's not forget two years ago Where the climax of the season is? Alexia's mother dying on her wedding day, you know, like it goes
Starting point is 00:17:29 You know when I say dark it's it's almost like tragic more than dark. It's sort of said dark You know death death does not actually have to be dark if that makes sense Like death is part of the life cycle, but it goes from it just it goes from like life cycle, but it goes from, it just, it goes from like comedy to, to tragedy, just so swiftly and then swings right back. It's kind of what makes the show amazing. Well, don't worry, everybody. There is still Bravo logo down at the bottom, which means there is someone to make it all about themselves.
Starting point is 00:18:01 There's still a white lady who's making assumption about poor people. There is someone to make it all about themselves. There's still a white lady who's making assumption about poor people. Yes. So then you've got Julia crying about her son who passed away as a baby, and that's why she's traumatized and can't go to church. And then it cuts to Lisa going, well, I needed to pray today,
Starting point is 00:18:17 because today's the day, the day of the settlement. It's like, oh, seriously? Now we have to hear about how many fucking millions you're going to get, Lisa, my God. Right, so she goes on about how he could reneg on his deal, because Lenny always seems like he's gonna be right there and then he changes his mind. He's not a man of his word.
Starting point is 00:18:36 I love this because they're saying to her, listen, you can't just pray on the day that you need something, you have to pray every day. And so Lisa tells us, I do, I pray all the time because I know, I don't know how this is gonna come out with the settlement. He can renege anytime, but I'm a woman of my word. He's not a man of his word.
Starting point is 00:18:52 I'm like, weren't you supposed to be talking about how you pray all the time and being introspective and now you're still going on about Lenny? Like she cannot get out of the loop. Yeah. So they get back to the hotel and go change. And Larissa of course calls Marcus and you know, they call it.
Starting point is 00:19:10 I'm sure every boyfriend loves kidding. Oh my God, look at me one more time. Look at this outfit, like do you like it? Do you wanna see this outfit in a church like? Do you like it like? Do you like it like? How much do you like it like? I feel like I wanna know like if you feel like I like this like too, feel like you like it like? Do you like it like? How much do you like it like? I feel like I wanna know like if you feel like
Starting point is 00:19:26 I like this like, do you feel like you like this half? Feel like? I feel like you like this one like more than the other one you liked like. So then Mary Sull is going off about I, listen. Brown, no, here's what I need. Black eye, monitor, I know it's very 80s, but I need to put it on the inside of my eyes.
Starting point is 00:19:49 That's where I'm at. I've been wearing it since the 80s. Come on, I need to find it. And Lysa's like, oh my God, that's like so 80s. I mean, but it looks good. It looks good. Like your eyes are popping. Like, 80s look really good on you.
Starting point is 00:20:01 Being like out of touch, out of date, like totally out of style, That looks really good on you. You're like terrifying. So then Lisa is on the phone with her lawyer in her room and the lawyer's like last piece of the settlement agreement. How do you feel? She's like, I don't feel great, but I feel okay. I feel okay.
Starting point is 00:20:18 Hold on, let me pray. Money, money, money, money, money, I'm in. All right. Ha ha. Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, It's all that makes our work up round clinking clinking clunking sounded like me. Let me Okay Now listen this might not be everything that you want, but listening to you do Liza karaoke was really not everything that I wanted so we're both compromising today Lisa and was really not everything that I wanted. So we're both compromising today, Lisa. And what's most important is it's good for the kids.
Starting point is 00:21:09 So it's not pizza? No, it's not pizza. All right. All right. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crapin's commercial. Back in 2020, the FBI claimed to have stopped a wild plot to kidnap the governor of Michigan.
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Starting point is 00:23:03 will be all right. And she's like, I'm so stressed out right now because I don't trust him. He can say one thing and then he changes his mind the next day. Oh, I gotta pray. I gotta pray right now. He keeps his mind the same. We finalize this settlement or we go to the mat on Monday. And I don't think it's in my best interest to go to the mat. I'm not really sure what that is I don't know. I'm a little under Matt Sounds terrible So then Lenny calls and then the screen goes black and it's very serious
Starting point is 00:23:37 It's like Lenny called Lisa to discuss their settlement He did not agree to be recorded. I have a question if you signed the papers, like if you've been on previous seasons, shouldn't you, haven't you signed your solo way? Do you have to like read like this Bravo, not have a clause that's like, we can use your image and perpetuity or your, your voice. I'm like, I think, I think if they've already recorded it, they can use it in perpetuity, but I don't think like once you sign something, they have permission forever.
Starting point is 00:24:05 They should. So he did not agree to be recorded, but he did add one quote unquote little thing to the settlement. Don Don Don. Is it pizza? It's not pizza. So we see her leaving and she's like, Oh, this fucking guy is unbelievable. He says I have to drive a Honda for the rest of my life.
Starting point is 00:24:30 Okay. So now the ladies are gathering in the lobby. This episode is basically just people gathering in the lobby a lot. Yeah. I don't really know. I don't even know what else happens. I just remember that people gather in the lobby every five minutes. So they gather in the lobby and yet another group of outfits. And now they do the lip gloss thing over again. Kiki still needs lip gloss. So they kiss some more and Mary saw something as long as you brought up outfits.
Starting point is 00:24:56 Because I love I love the way they dress on this show. And what always strikes me is I feel like Julia always looks fantastic. But then in the interviews, I feel like she looks kind of like a disaster. Like if like that orange thing that she was wearing all season long, I feel like her personal style is wonderful. But then for the interviews, there's like a style that says, no, honey, this is what you got to wear.
Starting point is 00:25:20 And they put her in something that doesn't seem like her. And she it's it's it's's wrong and I don't like it. It's just all wrong. I don't want to feel that way. I don't really have a strong recollection of what she even wears in the confession, which is crazy. It's like this droopy orange thing with cutouts that looks very orange County and it looks like it's kind of like melting on her.
Starting point is 00:25:42 And I just feel like her normal style is like kind of sort of bohemian-ish or whatever. I don't know, I don't have the right language for it because I'm not a fashion gay, but it's just, I feel like she always looks so great just sort of walking around, except for the time when Alexia styled her. Maybe Alexia styled her for the interviews.
Starting point is 00:26:01 That would make more sense. Alexia's looks kind of crazy too. She's wearing a pink kind of glitter top that looks like it fits really weird, but see, I'm not a fashion gay, so I don't understand. Like, I love Adriana's look with the stars and a little beret thing. I love that.
Starting point is 00:26:17 I think it's so cute. I love Mary Sol's look where she's like the queen of hearts or whatever, like the, I think I'm assuming that that's like some vintage designer stuff. Um, I mean, I think this cast in general has probably the best confessionals because they're all crazy looking, which I like. Yeah. But I guess it's just for me, Julia's, I just, I feel like she's being,
Starting point is 00:26:39 someone's encouraged her to go up and go for this look. And it just, it just doesn't work for me. I just want her because she's just had such good style in my mind outside of the confessional. But again, I'm not a fashion gay. And maybe what I like is just totally not on trend, which is really shocking. I would be shocking.
Starting point is 00:26:57 It would be shocking. So Mary Sells joking. She's like, well, no one wants to kiss me. I'm a good kisser. And Julie is like, I could kiss you Can I grab you and so they're teasing and they give each other a little kiss and Mary sells like Julie is like that boy in elementary school where they just pretend they don't like you because I really have a crush on you Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:22 Yeah, I can't I'm just made a great analogy And we see a montage of Julia starting up with Marisol and she goes, you know what? There can be more kisses in the future if it keeps Julie off my back. I'm an easy sell So then Lisa is like, oh god guys, I gotta go through a document. All right, if we going back to the chapel, I could use some prayers. Oh God.
Starting point is 00:27:50 I'm gonna be a little quiet. Let's find out, let's find how Lisa can make another entire fucking event about herself. Can we do one thing on the strip that's not about you? Go back up to your room. Meet us later. But I'm actually okay with it because every time she does it,
Starting point is 00:28:05 everyone gets so exasperated with her that it's hilarious. So she goes, okay, I'm going to be a little quiet. But first, before I get quiet, let me tell you what I want to be loud about. Okay, Lenny called and he's like, there's one little thing. Okay. He basically said, I don't want a man permanently residing with you. And everyone's like, oh my God, it's like none of his business. You're like a free woman right now. She goes goes yeah, she tells us Lenny needs to fuck off This is like cuckoo. You're trying to tell me you're can't I can't even take my net mind a relationship to the next level
Starting point is 00:28:35 and She's like I'm not gonna be a loser I mean God like look guys as long as he has his own house they can stay with me forever Look guys, as long as he has his own house, they can stay with me forever. Oh my God, you're gonna sign this. I know. Is that normal? Because look, I'm single for life, loving it.
Starting point is 00:28:51 But there's certain things that obviously I don't know, I don't have any experience with. Love, you know, the band and shit. To me, that sounds to me. But what I mean is divorce. So when, like I know Sutton, when Sutton, if Sutton gets back together with somebody, she's not going to get her alimony, right? They said that on the show.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Right. So for me, it seemed like this is crazy. Like she can't have someone living with her permanently. But then I also wonder, like what I don't know is, is this like a standard thing? Like if you're basically in a relationship with someone, a significant relationship that's like on par with marriage or whatever, like he's like, I'm not going to support you anymore because you're now with someone else. So like, why should I? So I was like, is it like that? And is this being filtered through the Lisa filter? Because the Lisa filter is always like a grain of salt. And I don't want to ever give Lenny any, any sort of credit here because I think he is a pig.
Starting point is 00:29:45 And I think he is taking advantage of her. And I think that, you know, like he's been a total asshole through this process. But I also think that Lisa sometimes, you know, like I always feel like anything, regardless of whether it's Lenny or anything else, she has a way of telling stories or anything else, she has a way of telling stories that are very, very complimentary to her as we will see later on in the episode. Um, yeah. Well, I mean, that's how you should tell stories, right? I mean, you should. So please, please don't. You're the hero of your own story, everybody. You are writing your own movie. You're here on Spielberg. So this does still seem to me like an outrageous ask by Lenny, but I'm also like, I think I'd rather see what it actually is saying rather than
Starting point is 00:30:30 hear the least aversion to. Well, I think in marriage, I think it's what are in divorce. It's when you get married to somebody else that that alimony and it's not when you're dating. Right. So I think this is just if she moves in with somebody, maybe, I don't know. Who knows. So she's like, yeah, well, at? So I think this is just if she moves in with somebody, maybe I don't know who knows. So she's like, yeah, well, at least I'm not going to be a loser. I'll still get the guy. And she's like, this is bullshit.
Starting point is 00:30:52 He's still controlling me. And Lars is like, yeah. So now he's like going to like controller for like, I feel like the next what, like 18 years. Like she needs to like cut her ties. Cause like the only like conversations moving forward, she'd like be about like where where I'm gonna marry Marcus. I hope in the church.
Starting point is 00:31:10 So now in the other van, Nicole is telling Adriana that they saw the plaza where she'll be performing and they're saying, are you ready to perform? And Adriana is like, she's like, no, I'm not even ready. And she's saying this is such a big opportunity, but also really high risk because it's gonna be the first time performing in front of a big crowd.
Starting point is 00:31:29 And like, but she doesn't want to lip sync because she wants to be able to talk to the crowd too. So she's trying to figure this all out. I mean, you can do both. Okay, you can do both. You can lip sync and then still have a microphone that's turned on. Crazy.
Starting point is 00:31:42 So Lisa's like, anyway, my semi-carts, oh God, maybe I'm sick because I signed that document, but he hasn't signed, so it's not done yet, guys. And they're like, wait, what? You signed it? You signed it? Ha ha ha ha. Now is the thing that you like roll over on,
Starting point is 00:31:58 like how could you, what? Like before, I was like, here's a really good settlement for a lot of money, and you're like, no, I'm gonna fight it. I want three more million dollars. And this one, they're like, okay, here you get the money, but Lenny has total control over your romantic life. Yeah, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:32:15 So fucking creepy. There must be more to the story. Yeah. I just think Lenny's a fucking controlling asshole, honestly. Sometimes at the end of the day, Lenny is just a Lenny. Oh, he's terrible. And so they're like, wow, I can't believe you signed that. And she's like, yeah, well, we're not divorced,
Starting point is 00:32:33 just a settlement, like, but basically you're done. And so Lars, she was like, I feel so, I don't feel well, I feel really bad. And so now they go. Marcia's like, Lisa, open your legs like. I read this thing where if you open your legs, the air gets in your vagina. It's gonna make you feel better like.
Starting point is 00:32:54 Now they arrive at the river to go on their gondolas. And Alexi is like, these gondola rides aren't like the typical ones we're used to. They have names. Ars is Miami Mommies because I got to decorate the boat. Well, not really decorated, but I got to like pick the name. And they said that, oh, well, you know, Peter is too long. So.
Starting point is 00:33:16 Oh, look, there's Todd's gondola. It's called Don't Buy Rent. So they get there and Lars is like, oh my God, like look at this, like, like it's like a boat on like a river too. It's like remember the movie Anaconda? The award-winning movie Anaconda. And I said, oh, you know what,
Starting point is 00:33:37 don't start with the Anaconda, which the way she says it makes me think that Lars brings up Anaconda a lot. Oh my God god you guys. It's like a bowling episode. Do you guys remember the movie like Anaconda like? What does that have to do with bowling Larisa? I'm just saying.
Starting point is 00:33:53 What if like an Anaconda comes up to the machine when we're reaching for the ball? Like that would be terrible like. Hey, do you guys remember the movie Anaconda like? Like Larisa. We're at the hospital. Yeah, just wondering. Yeah, but still, I wonder if I could get married here. So now there's food set, she goes, yeah, but like, it's like crazy, because like,
Starting point is 00:34:20 the vibe is definitely like Anaconda, right? Okay, like, I feel like we're definitely like in Mexico City now. I feel like I want like tacos before I leave. There's like a whole table of tacos. The table is full of tacos. Guys, I just wanna have tacos before we leave like. Uh-uh-uh. Okay, so now they cheer the gondola guy, David.
Starting point is 00:34:40 And you know, he's gonna have to push this boat of crazy people down the river. And Lisa's just still going. She's like, I don't feel good. I feel like I just lost something. I just feel like I lost something. And David's like, pizza? She's like, no.
Starting point is 00:34:57 Adriana's. She's like, are you okay? Like what's going on, babe? Did they deny the motion? You know, we weren't feeling good. I wasn't feeling good in the car guys. I got a lot of anxiety. I guess Larissa said this for me,
Starting point is 00:35:11 but I'm gonna say it now for myself. I was feeling bad. I had anxiety like. Deals, meals. Everybody loves a fun monkey. Well, I guess she's not very fun to be. She's not very fun to be. She's not very fun to be. She's not married, playing dead, and singing, and calling on King. So, everyone's trying to cheer up Lisa.
Starting point is 00:35:32 It's not working, but they're also just trying to have a good fucking time. They get on this boat, they're going to be trapped with this woman on this boat, and here she goes again, and I know it's a big day. I get that part, like it's your settlement day, but it's literally every day is a big day. That's also like tacos on a gondola day. Right. Sometimes you have to put your set aside and have a talk on a fucking gondola. OK, every single day has been a big day. Yeah. And so and Nicole's explaining how like her divorce was very different
Starting point is 00:35:59 because it was not in the public eye and was like not a lot of financial stuff. So it was very amicable and she just doesn't understand how Lenny could share his life with Lisa for so many years and how he could be such a jerk to her now. And I'm like, I understand because this was clearly the trajectory of the marriage from the moment it began. I hate to break it to everyone, not to excuse it, but like, let's be honest. So Lisa is like, I just, I don't want to embarrass Jody, not Jody.
Starting point is 00:36:26 The other day I was crying about something similar and he didn't even comfort me. And we talked about it and he said, it's cause I feel like you're crying over Lenny. And I said, why? How could you do that to me, not Lenny? And then I cried in his arms and I said, but Lenny. So Grudty's like, listen everybody, it's not I said, but, Lenny.
Starting point is 00:36:48 So, Gretty's like, listen everybody, it's not that she's crying over Lenny, it's because it's the broken family unit, okay? It's like a death, it's like a death. And she's like, It's the end, it's the end. Also, I forgot about cheat day yesterday. Ah! This is, and Adriana says, it's also the beginning.
Starting point is 00:37:04 And she's like, I understand her because I've been through a divorce and I didn't want it. And the signature is the end of that dream. It's done for sure. It's over. It's over. Your dreams are dead. And then you're, you know, then before you know it, you're deciding not to lip sync at a gay pride. Dream reignited. Yeah, I mean for sure this is an incredibly emotional and sad day for Lisa. Like, you know, it's like it's literally this is it. Like whatever glimmer she may have been subconsciously holding
Starting point is 00:37:38 on to is like now it's going out, you know, it's super, super sad. So they're like all, you know, they're, they're comforting her because a lot of them have been through this before. I think almost all of them, if not all of them. And Adriana is saying that like Lisa is feeling a lot of emotions right now that she, you know, there's all being triggered stuff that she's suppressed. And she is getting upset, right? And so Lisa's like, I don't want to fight. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:04 I don't want to fight. And Adriana says, we'll just have a good cry and move on. And then Lars is like, oh, hi, everybody. And they start waving and yelling. They're trying to turn on smiles for this other boat that they're passing. Yeah, Lisa's like, I just, you know, I just the way I feel right now. Oh, hi, hi, everyone. Another boat. I like, I like, I like. So, Lars says, you guys like boat. I like I like I like so Larza says you guys like do you like I feel like do you like realize that this guy's like really pushing our boat like He's not like even it's he's not like even like rowing. He's like pushing it and Alexi says oh, you know what we weigh a lot. We weigh a lot. It's like crazy
Starting point is 00:38:41 He's like pushing us right now. Alexia has not learned about some of the simpler properties of buoyancy. So she's like, wow. Like how do we do, like how does he, he's like the strongest person I've ever met. Like we must be together like hundreds of pounds and the boat and the tacos. He's strong.
Starting point is 00:39:03 And Lars is like, guys, we have to like compensate him and like, his work like, and Kiki says, I got you blow drop or cash. So Lisa's like, oh, I'm going to go do a photo shoot with my guy, David, can I send the boat David? You like this? David. Yeah. So now she's like up there and then she's like sort of,
Starting point is 00:39:23 she's handling the poll a little bit and she's like up there and then she's like sort of she's handling the pole a little bit and She's like guys. There's not even a spoon on the bottom of this pole. It's just a stick I don't know what she was expecting but What Lisa thinks about how like a pedal I think a paddle you think you're expecting a baby She might like to be paddling it not just pushing it against the floor. I was surprised when I thought it was a stick too. I didn't really express it that intelligently when I did this but I cried.
Starting point is 00:39:53 You guys, there's no roundy, roundy flat thing on the bottom of this. Mexico, powered by sticks. So Nicole's like, I've never rode a gondola, but I imagine it's a task that shouldn't be done in Poochee and platforms. So Lisa is trying to up the mood here, right? Because she has been depressing
Starting point is 00:40:18 and she sees that she's getting on everyone's nerves. So she's like, now look at me, I'm still fine. Let me take this guy's stick and push us in the water. But now David's looking all stressed. So she's like, oh my God, you look red. Are you dying? What's wrong with? Can you breathe? Are you choking? Hold on. Does anyone have chicken to throw in David's face? Give it to me.
Starting point is 00:40:37 I felt like David was probably fine. He does this like this is his job. He if he needs water, he knows when, when he needs to do water. But it was like this thing, like, oh my God, look at you doing manual labor. How are you even alive? Have some water. Have some water before you die. Drink some water.
Starting point is 00:40:57 So then Emilio calls and, um, he's checking on Adriana and stuff. And they can't really, no one can hear each other, but she, they just keep yelling, hello's at him and she's showing him around the boat and stuff. And then she gives a toast to the ladies and she's like, ladies, thank you so much for supporting me and having my back. Thank you so much. And Alexi is like, you know, she's going to do great because look, just because I don't like some of the things she does doesn't mean that like, I don't like some of her songs, you know, like are they spelled right? I don't know. But like fire. I don't like some of the things she does doesn't mean that like I don't like some of her songs you know like are they
Starting point is 00:41:26 spelled right I don't know but like fire I don't know what that is but it's good yeah good you know we're gonna support her and I'm very happy to see her doing something she loves you know and hopefully she'll leave me alone yeah Here comes one right now. So Adriana chose to Lisa and Laura says like, yeah, yeah, and I'm really glad that, you know, Lisa's here with us and not driving Jody crazy. Cause by the way, I think he's probably at the end of his rope like,
Starting point is 00:41:58 yeah, well he did tell me last week, like, you know, I was like, I can't do this. And then he tries to help me and I'm like, don't, don't try to help me. And he's like, but I'm just trying to help you. Oh my God, do you know, you know what I've seen that scene before? In Anaconda Lake, right?
Starting point is 00:42:16 Remember this scene where like the girl gets eaten by the Anaconda Lake and then she's like, help, help, help. And he's like, I can't help you because of Lenny. And so she gets eaten. That's like you like, help, help. And he's like, I can't help you because of Lenny. And so she gets eaten. That's like you like. Lenny Kanda. And Lars is like, by the way, like if you lost Jody, you would like regret it.
Starting point is 00:42:34 Because like you're going to be screwed then, right? Everybody? Because like, no offense. But I feel like I don't know like anybody else who would like take your shit like. So, but I love you. Larsa with the left field truth bomb. That's fucked up.
Starting point is 00:42:51 No, no, no, no. All I meant to say is like, you really like needy like. It's disgusting. I don't mean it in like a bad way like, you just need like money like. That's all like. Yeah, you needy. No, no, look, look, I'm like trying to like say like, I feel like, like you like a's all like yeah yeah me no no look look I'm like trying
Starting point is 00:43:06 to like say like I feel like like you're like a baby you know like wow you like have poopy like you like I feel like you're diaper like you have poopy like in it like it's not like a bad thing like it's just like you're totally defenseless like and you're cute and sweet like but you also annoy people at the other table like and Lisa's like okay that's it I'm sick of it you're bully you're mean took girls lighting up but you also annoy people at the other table like. And Lisa's like, okay, that's it. I'm sick of it. You're a bully, you're mean. They're like girls lighten up now.
Starting point is 00:43:28 We don't need to make this a fine. She's like, okay, fine, let's go for a swim. And Alexi goes, oh my God, let's play like Truth or Dare like and I dare you to do it. I dare you to, I dare you. I just want to say Adriana tries to intercede and then Lars is like, no, no, save your voice for tomorrow like por favor, save your voice for tomorrow. Like, por favor, save her voice for tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:43:47 I'm like, they figured it out. They figured out how to shut up at Adriana. They're like, just you have to sing tomorrow. You can't talk right now. Yeah, save it, Salim. Save it. At least it goes, I would swim, but I would get like herpes and every disease in the world if I did that.
Starting point is 00:44:02 Nicole says, I'm not sure what S2D stands for in her mind, but like it's sexually transmitted, not swimming transmitted. This is Nicole's new confessional template, I guess. I'm not sure about how do you use a gondola, but I'm pretty sure it's not with like platforms and Poochee. I'm not sure what she knows what S2D stands for, but I'm pretty sure it's not with like platforms and Poochie. I'm not sure what she knows what SED stands for, but I'm pretty sure it's sexually transmed disease,
Starting point is 00:44:29 not swimming related disease. Let's see, deal with like men and women. Women be shopping, women be shopping. Okay, so now they're kind of joking around or lightening the mood and Julia is telling Adriana, give me a kiss. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited for you tomorrow. I have no nervous for you tomorrow. And Adriana is like, oh my god, this girl is the kissing band aid and I'm a germaphobe. I don't like kissing people
Starting point is 00:44:58 through other people and these lips don't go around honey. Not everybody gets to taste these soft lips and she's saying this girl's kissing everybody today, so I don't wanna kiss her, right? And Julio's like, but thank you, it's Maddie's fault. She's like, oh my God. So now I have 1988 lipstick on my lips, no thank you. No wonder my eyes are burning. And so then there's some like joking,
Starting point is 00:45:23 like oh my God, Martina's gonna kick your ass. And the producer asked like, what does Martina think about this? And Julia's like, oh, she said, did you have fun? I got. So then- Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Everybody a feel like, a feel like, a feel like,
Starting point is 00:45:35 everybody a feel like. Look at that bird like. And some guys, oh, it's a crane. She's like, wow. Like anaconda like. The flying anaconda. like, like Anaconda like the second that flying Anaconda. Remember that movie Anaconda when the Anaconda got wings and flew over the river like.
Starting point is 00:45:53 So they pass these kind of little shack homes on the river. And Lars is like, oh my God guys, like we should be thankful we could be like living in a house like that like, ew my God, guys, we should be thankful. We could be living in a house like that. Like ew, gross, pew. Pfft. This is one of those scenes where wealthy people try to have perspective but only reveal
Starting point is 00:46:18 their lack of perspective. So they're like, yeah, we should count our blessings. Look, we could be living in a shanty town. Look at that. Look at that. Look at that. Disgusting little house. we could be living in a shanty town. Look at that, look at that, look at that. Disgusting little house. We could be living there, gross, gross.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Be happy for what you have. And Marisol's like, well, you know what though? I bet those people feel very grateful for what they do have, those poor, simple, poor people. Yeah, like they're probably like very happy like, cause like, it's like they're on like a celebrity bus tour right now, but the celebrities are on the bus passing their house. You know they may only be able to eat dirt and grass every day but at least they have us the
Starting point is 00:46:54 cast of not anaconda going right by. It's like such a condescending view. They're so simple but they're probably very happy. Oh, here comes my mom again. Hi, mom. This is camera, just so you know. There's my mom. My mom on the webcam. Hi, what's going on, pretty? Delivering my laundry. Okay, for my love.
Starting point is 00:47:19 So cutey. Okay, so, yeah, it's really condescending. And it's really condescending and really gross. And Kiki's getting annoyed, right? She's like, oh my God, then Haiti, I live like that. My grandmother's house was like that. And these women are very privileged and they need to learn to keep their opinions
Starting point is 00:47:36 to themselves, because they look like assholes, right? So there's these dogs on the banks of the river. Right, and they're kind of chasing after the boats, looking at the boats and stuff. And Larza goes, I know a guy who like a bit by a dog like and his boss is like the shape of a broccoli. I'm not even kidding Larza, I feel like. Who does, well Larza always seems to know someone who,
Starting point is 00:48:04 like I know someone who told me that if you open your legs The air gets in your vagina and it cures you of all your sickness unless you bit bit by a dog In which case your balls look like broccoli, but then I guess that doesn't make total sense either, huh? So they're looking the dogs are you know cute dogs are like look at the dogs all these dogs are cute, you know and You know cute dogs are like look at the dogs. All these dogs are cute, you know? And the dogs just walk in, you know, the dogs just there looking cute. And Lisa's like, oh, they want food.
Starting point is 00:48:31 I'm gonna throw it to them. Can I throw some food to the dogs? Can I throw some food? And Alexia is saying, oh, they need a bath. They need a bath, that's what they need. Those dogs are dirty, those are dirty dogs. And it's like, yeah, I'm gonna give them some food. And Gertie's like, please don't sit down.
Starting point is 00:48:45 And they're all basically like, Lisa, don't do that. Don't throw food at the dogs. Dogs are always hungry. Okay, that's the thing with dogs. They're always hungry. So these dogs are not any different from other dogs. Of course they're gonna give you hungry eyes
Starting point is 00:49:01 because that's what dogs do. And she's like, nah, they're hungry. And she throws food. And of course it's landing in the water, which I'm so glad the dogs didn't jump off into the river to get this food. Right. Cause that's what I was, I was worried that she's like going to be killing these dogs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:15 And Alexi is like, I remember that movie like Anaconda like that's exactly what happened. Alexi is like, how would you like it? If you were on your star island home and a boat passed by and said hey Let's throw a sandwich to your dogs Because it was disrespectful and rude Lisa would flip the fuck out If someone threw a bun or some chicken over the gate of her house because they saw her dog And she's like I'm so sorry they're. They're saying sorry to the boat guy, David. They're like, sorry. And he's like, no, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:48 don't worry the owners of the dogs feed them. And Nicole's like, yeah, the owners feed them. Don't worry. She goes, it's okay, it's chicken. I mean, it's better than what they get fed. I promise you that. It's like, it's so, so condescending in so many different ways. Just the assumption that these dogs need to be fed just because they look hungry.
Starting point is 00:50:12 Like I said before, just because they look hungry, that's just the con that dogs do to anything. You know, she's entering. She's entering like a manic mode now where they're all telling her no. And so it's making her be like, oh, no, look, it's fine. It's fine. They're poor. And K and so it's making her be like, oh no, look, it's fine, it's fine, they're poor. And Kiki's just getting pissed now. And she's like, listen, it's very ignorant that you assume these dogs aren't eating good, you know?
Starting point is 00:50:34 And you don't even feed your own dog, your nanny does that for you. She tells us that. And she's like, Lisa, that's not nice to throw food at the dogs and Lisa says, they look hungry and they're dirty too. Oh my God, she's just making it worse. Yeah, Kiki's like, well, how do you know they're hungry?
Starting point is 00:50:50 She goes, look, because they look hungry and they look dirty. And she says, yeah, but you just said they're getting better food than what they normally get. How do you know that their owners are feeding them? And she goes, yeah, but they get dog food. Like, and? Yeah, literally she says, literally, she says, how do you know that though?
Starting point is 00:51:07 And Lisa stands and starts yelling. She's like, I would try their animals. I love animals. Suddenly, excuse me, Joanna Krupa is no longer on this show. You cannot just suddenly decide to steal her storyline. So she's like, she's like, she's like, don't get up and scream.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Like you get up with me and I get up and it's gonna be something. So then Lisa stands right back up and puts her hands on her hips. So this is now getting an additional layer of microaggression, right? So Kiki's like, don't do that. You don't do the fingers, don't get up,
Starting point is 00:51:40 don't scream it, don't scream at me. And she's like, I am standing up and what are you gonna do about it? And Lars is like, oh my God, I'm like from the school of like not literally because like, dog grows. But like if you don't like stand up and get in my face, like if you do that, I'm gonna like threaten.
Starting point is 00:51:56 I'm gonna like do things that I don't like normally do. Like school like. I can't believe that like Lisa so quickly turns into like a gondola Karen. I didn't even know a gondola Karen could happen, but it does. Yeah. Kiki's like, she's like, sit down, sit down, sit down. And so then she's like, Kiki's like exasperated because Lisa's being a total asshole, condescending in multiple different ways, borderline problematic. And she so Kiki's like, whatever. And she's just like, she has problematic. And she, so Kiki's like whatever.
Starting point is 00:52:25 And she's just like, she has like a juice box apparently. And so she's just sort of like tossed across the table, like, ugh, like get out of my face. And then Lisa loses her mind. Excuse me, you just threw something at me, you assaulted me. I was like, oh my God, then you assaulted the dogs first because you were throwing things at them, okay?
Starting point is 00:52:45 Then it's a dog defense. Bitch, you, like, this is someone, it's like this kind of thing that gets people put into jail, put into harm's way, unnecessarily, a juice box being tossed across a table and now it's like elevated to the level of assault. Are you kidding me you idiot? So Kiki's like, she's like, Kiki's like, okay you're talking to me you gotta sit down. You have to sit down if you're talking to me
Starting point is 00:53:13 and she goes, shut the fuck up. Kiki's like, you shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up." And then Lisa just starts screaming, You assaulted me! And so now they're both standing and Kiki's like, Why did you get up and pointed me? It's like, I can do whatever I want. She was like, Then I can do whatever I want.
Starting point is 00:53:34 She was, Nah, not assault me, not assault me. And Mary Soul's like, Oh my God, not the juice box. It was an assault by a juice box called the Poline. I know, it was like a box of five alive. So Alexia is like, I mean, where did she even find the juice box from? I didn't even know there were juice boxes on the gondola. You know what?
Starting point is 00:53:59 Sanguara Lupe, Sanguara Lupe. There wasn't even two boxes here, but now there is. Yes. Kiki is good for a surprise food prop. Last season was the Whopper. The season is a juice box. Kiki goes places prepared. She's just got shit in her purse, you know.
Starting point is 00:54:16 So Grader's like, stop it. Stop it right now. Sit down. Sit down. She threw something at me. Does Lisa have... There's part of me that was like, was this like a trigger for Lisa in some way? Has Lenny thrown stuff at Lisa? Because she was like, she lost it.
Starting point is 00:54:30 She lost it right now. But, or maybe she was losing it because she was like lately wrong in the situation and couldn't deal. I think it's that she's needed to lose it. Like she's going through a hard day. Like it is a hard day. It's just, it's to the point where it's, everyone's sick of your hard day is always, like I said before, it's always a hard day. Like it is a hard day. It's just it's to the point where it's everyone's sick of your hard
Starting point is 00:54:45 day is always like I said before it's always a hard day for her and it's kind of the boy who cried Wolfen away because it's always the most dramatic day ever. So she's having a seriously dramatic day but people aren't really giving her what she needs and then when she's trying to make it lighter like they're telling her you're making it like lighten up. So she's trying to make it lighter, like they're telling her, you're making it like lighten up. So she's trying to be lighter. And then they're like, no, no, not with David. Sit down, sit down. So then she sits down and then they're telling her,
Starting point is 00:55:12 okay, lighten it up. And then she's like, I'm gonna feed the dogs, I love dogs. So I'm like, no, don't do that. And I think she's just like, meh. You know, she's just losing her shit. But like whatever the reasons are, yikes. I mean, obviously it's fueled by like their emotional turmoil that she's feeling, but like, whoa, this was wild.
Starting point is 00:55:30 This was not a bad idea. So they keep telling her to like sit down and Kiki, she's like, you threw something at me. Don't ever throw something at me yet again. Don't throw something at me. And Kiki is like, oh, you're going to talk to me. You're going to talk to you. If you're going to talk to me, you're going to talk to me
Starting point is 00:55:44 like woman to woman. And it's shut up. You threw something at me. You threw something at me. She keeps going on about you threw something at me. And she says, I just signed papers and my fucking marriage. And you're gonna come at me for feeding dogs cause I think they're hungry.
Starting point is 00:55:58 Fuck all of you. And then Gertie's sobbing. She's like, I can't do this. I can't do this. And they're like, oh my God, can we stop? This is so stupid. And Lisa just screams, I was just giving that dog food. And the Larsa's telling Gertie.
Starting point is 00:56:13 And there's another boat going by, they're waving. They're waving at this other boat. Hi, hi everybody, hi. And then Larsa's saying Lisa, but Lisa like, Lisa like, like Lisa. But like, you're like drunk, Kiki. And like, you don't try another woman. That's not like nice like.
Starting point is 00:56:28 She was what? Because it's not nice like. How dare you if anyone threw an object at you and Larsa goes, I don't try anyone unless I'm ready for someone to throw something. So now Lisa's yelling and having a fit and they're all just looking at her like she's a child like a child losing it in a restaurant Yes, they're not really giving her what she wants backwards Which I think is making it worse for her because she's she's now being treated like the crazy person that she's acting like so Alexi She goes honestly Lars is shut the fuck up and Alexi says oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:57:02 Well, we could say the same thing to you shut the fuck up because we're just trying to help the situation Okay, Lisa I went off the boat and by the way to Lurs's credit she really is like Lisa. This is why you're wrong She's like, you know what like if I'm standing up in someone's face I'm prepared for shit to go popping off and you told her to shut the fuck up twice and you said it to earlier And then again, and it's just not nice. It's like kind of like incontrovertible. Is that the word? Did I say it right? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:57:29 But it's like, she is, it's undeniable Lisa's behavior is bad right now, but Lisa of course is in no mood to hear that. So she's just now flipping out at everyone. I think your analogy that she's like a child at a restaurant having a temper tantrum is exactly correct. They're just like oh my god you know and then Lars is like oh my god it's not that serious can we just like we prayed like together like right like come on hey Alexia you got a
Starting point is 00:57:58 solely water and she's like oh unfortunately it was in the juice box but maybe I should have brought the whole gallon. So they're trying to pray and meanwhile, Lisa is not going to pray. So she's texting assume I assume Jody. Did you read her texts? She had what I took a screenshot of it, but I don't know if it came out clear. Let me see if it's very self-serving. I wrote them down.
Starting point is 00:58:22 So every day also you saw it. OK. Yeah. Every sentence she was a new text. So Jody received this wall of texts. This was good, I'd be happy. She was like, Julie and I have chicken. New text. We threw chicken.
Starting point is 00:58:33 We threw chicken. They looked hungry. Everyone yelled at us. No, everyone yelled us. Oh, yelled us. Yeah, she's by the way a very bad type. You have to really like use some deciphering skills with this. At Kiki, at Kiki went on on me. I said shirt the blank up.
Starting point is 00:58:54 Then I stood up as a joke. Oh, come on. So this is, oh, okay. I see. And then she goes, and she said, sit the fuck down. Bloop. Then through a drink, lay me at two to three. To time at time. Metamity. Why can't this thing take down my vote? Vote by narration. I didn't mean to send that part at me. Oh, my God. So she is literally tattletailing as this whole thing is going on.
Starting point is 00:59:23 And she's saying that she. Oh, she stood up as a joke. She stood up as a joke. This is like after she was like, shut the fuck up or whatever. So, um, again, like Lisa, uh, that was not a joke when you stood up like that. Kiki said, don't stand up when you, when you talk to me and set it very calmly and then you stood up and that was not a joke. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:43 So this is, this has gone crazy and now they just want off this boat, right? Because she's fucking crazy. Now she won't pray with them. She's like, I want break. And they're like, what is she 12? Like, and, um, so Adriana did the prayer. Adriana does this prayer.
Starting point is 00:59:58 She goes, Laura, I'd have mercy on this group. We all need help. Some more than others. I'm like, Adriana, that was a terrible prayer. She's like, okay, here's my prayer. Please stop torturing me. You make me feel nothing but pain and hurt, and I'm going to die soon.
Starting point is 01:00:14 Amen. Marysoul's liver. I'd like to make a prayer like, I pray that like me and Marcus can be reunited, like sometime soon like, and also like, hey God, did you see that movie Anaconda like? It Marcus can be reunited like sometimes soon like and also like hey God did you see that movie Anaconda like it was like really good like it's just like it like um okay so now that they have done this prayer the weather starts getting crazy and thundery and windy and they're like oh my god look what you did Adriana and then someone goes oh my god
Starting point is 01:00:43 there's someone hanging from a tree. So they all start looking at this tree and there's like some mannequin or something hanging from this tree. Like a decapitated mannequin. And then Alexi is like, Senor, what is that? And Kiki's like, oh my God, there's dead kids too. So I saw this, this is crazy,
Starting point is 01:01:01 like when you're not expecting it, you know? Like what the hell, where are we entering? So, horror music starts playing and he gives them the, the spiel that years ago, a man named Julia Santana saw a child drown in the water and someone threw some chicken in and the child swam for it.
Starting point is 01:01:20 I don't know what he's saying! Lisa in the middle of it. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't stop seeing the person drown as it was reaching for chicken breast. And he thought if he put dolls in the tree then the spirit would play with the dolls. Then he started obsessively adding more and more and more until they said he was crazy and he never got to eat that chicken. And they're like, what the fuck? You know, they're all staring at this and the music is like playing all crazy
Starting point is 01:01:52 and the weather is like going crazy now. They see his old dolls. And then it gets really bad because Julia, you know, then of course it cuts to Julia and you're like, oh my God, what Julia actually went through in her real life. And then there's all these like dead babies hanging from a tree. Oh my God, the Julia actually went through in her real life. And then there's all these like dead babies hanging from a tree. Oh my God, the show is so crazy.
Starting point is 01:02:10 She's understandably very triggered by this. And she says, like, I know some people could look at those dolls and it would be nothing for them, but I've seen death that close and I'll never find entertaining. So she starts to weep because I mean, good God what she went through is so horrific. So she's crying and then they're all crying and the weather's going crazy
Starting point is 01:02:28 and they're all bawling on this gondola. And it's just the episode ends. I'm like, this show. My final note is what is wrong with this show? What the fuck? This show is on a pendulum. I mean, that's what makes the show so good. Consistently, is that it just swings from emotional experience to emotional
Starting point is 01:02:49 experience. Stop. Wow. Oh, God. Wow. So good. I love Miami. This show is crazy. That was fun. Geez, you're right. It's like, ha, ha, ha. Oh, OK. Yeah. No, no.
Starting point is 01:03:02 Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, God. Jesus. My son. Don't laugh. It's a lot of, a lot of terms, a lot of terms Oh, okay. Yeah. No, no. Ha ha ha ha. Oh God. Jesus. My son. Don't laugh. It's a lot of, a lot of turns. A lot of turns on this one. Yeah. And we are going for one of the weirdest trips of all time. I mean, they've had so many weird scenes in this one trip. I mean, just this one and the art one combined is already making this a pretty epic housewives trip.
Starting point is 01:03:22 And then Adriana's gonna perform at Gay Pride next week. So I feel bad for the people at Gay Pride there who are like, who is this? Hoping for Carly Rae Jepsen maybe. Hold up, I'm sure you'll have Alexia there feeling with everybody with positivity like her last Gay Pride. We love the gay, we love the gay people.
Starting point is 01:03:47 Peter suddenly punched about four of you in my life. What was her thing that she was being so offensive about gay pride? No, there was a trans person, she was like, that's a dude. Oh yeah. It was not a, it was not a shining moment for her. So I guess they're giving her another chance at gay pride. Well, one thing we've learned on this show,
Starting point is 01:04:06 people don't learn lessons. So we'll see how that goes next week. People are tone deaf. I mean, that's part of the reason why I tune in is because people are tone deaf. So as wild, I was like, oh my god, Lisa, you're being such an asshole right now. It is also part of why I tune in.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I tune in to how do these sheltered, spoiled people exist in society? Like how did, what did they do? And that's, you know, so on some level I was, I was horrified by Lisa and another level I was also entertained, you know, both can exist at the same time. Well, there you go. Everybody, thank you so much for being here.
Starting point is 01:04:39 This was a super fun week. Go get your tickets for the Crappy Awards in two weeks. Go get them, watch what Crappins.com, also streaming tickets, and we will talk to you all Monday night, come by for Crappy Hour, 530 Instagram Live, and we'll talk to you of 530 Pacific, by the way. We'll talk to you next time, bye. Watch What Crappins would like to thank
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