Watch What Crappens - #2316 Pump Rules Part 1: Tickle Me Emo

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Sandoval makes his big return to Vanderpump Rules (S11E02), just in time for his birthday party. But the real star is his assistant Ann, who must balance between his social calendar and Ariana’s emo night plans. This is part 1 of a two parter. Grab both live and streaming tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Awards Feb 17 at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappings, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only hilarious wonderful perfect Mr. Ronnie Kim. Hi Ronnie. How are you? Hello. How are you, Ben? I am fabulous. We are 10 days away from the Golden Crappies.

Can you even believe this? 10 days away. We have so much stuff that we are doing right now. We are moving in a million different directions because we are trying to put on the biggest one yet. If you are in the area, if you're in Southern California, please come join us at the Palace Theater on February 17th. We are going to be reading off the winners from all the voting that you guys have been doing. If you haven't been voting, go and vote. If you voted, maybe vote again. I don't know. It's not like a real election, so you can vote as many times as you want. So anyway, go to watchercrapins.com and you can get tickets to the Golden Crappies. We're gonna,

there's just gonna be so much. We have guests categories. There'll be lots and lots of fun. It's just also great to be with your people. That's our first big show of the year. So go get your tickets there. If you can't make it, which will be very sad, don't worry, you can also stream the show. Go also watchacrabbets.com. Moment, we're partnering with Moment yet again.

They do a great job. They're gonna stream the whole show. So you definitely don't wanna miss that. And if you haven't voted, the ballot for the nominees, the nominees that you all have chosen is right there also on our website. Everything's on our website. And that's not just only Golden Crappy stuff, also our Patreon. We're on video if you want to watch us, go to patreon.com.

Watch our crappins. All the links, anything you could want is right there. So live your best life, but do it with us. And that's it. I mean, we're just excited. I can't believe it's 10 days away, Ronnie. How are you feeling? Terrified. Good. Well, guess what? Today is Vanderpump rules day. Something to something to take the stress out of our bones.

Guys, if this is not only Vanderpump Rules Day. This is the first Tom-centric Vanderpump Rules Day. It's all about Tom today on Vanderpump Rules. Tom is back, which is, I think, good. It's good to have our villain back. And I think it helps, it helps the show a little bit, you know? Yeah, it's good to have something to read against. Oh, also, I'm doing a podcast this week. I did it already, actually, but it doesn't come out

until Friday. It's called Glamorous Trash. And it's with host Chelsea Devantes, who's fabulous. We both love her. Hold on, I'm gonna make sure. Seeing the right thing. Glamorous Trash. Yes, Glamorous Trash with Chelsea Devantes.

We did a review of Ariana's, or Ariana. I'm gonna try with Ariana, okay guys, it's hard for me. I'm an old dog, that's the new trick. But Ariana's drink book, single AF, okay? We drag it, cause you know, that's how we love. I drag because I love. So go check that out, that's fantastic drag it, because you know, that's how we love. I drag because I love. So go check that out. That's fantastic, it's Friday.

She's really a talented, funny lady. So just go check out her podcast in general. Okay, thanks. Yeah, go do it. So let's dive into our recap of the second episode of Van and Puppa Rural Season 11. Down the right here with a good time. Ever since I had a baby, I'm like addicted to pretzels and it's terrifying me.

It is terrifying me. Have you ever heard of post-partum OCD? Is that a thing? Yes. You have? I've never heard of that. Listen, I feel like I'm an old person and I feel like the world just keeps coming up

with new shit for me to digest. I don't, remember back when we just had the common cold ban? What happened to those days? What happened to those days? Listen, postpartum, lots of things happen. I've heard of postpartum depression and stuff like that. I just didn't know there was like specific things, things, things happen, you know? So, um. I'm not hurting postpartum depression and stuff like that.

I just didn't know there was like specific things like postpartum, you know, OCD and stuff like that. I mean, I'm not saying great like, cause I was about to say great. I mean, good for you. I don't mean good for you. Yay, OCD. I just mean never heard of it.

So good for me. Learn something new every freaking day. Also babies, how about you leave us the fuck alone? How about you act grateful that somebody just gave birth to you and stop fucking attacking their system in any way possible? Seriously? I think Vanderpump, I think Vanderpump rules is nothing if not an educational tool. So, um, I'm happy to learn about people's bodies through the vessel of Vanderpump rules.

And most importantly, with the beautiful music of Trixie Monocle to score the entire experience, Trixie starts, so last week was very much like doing lots of dirges, dead Irish prostitutes in the gutter. Very sad, it was very Trixie Eilish, but this week starts out with very much, it's like a do a Trixie or a Trixie Lipa. Cause it's like, I don't wanna work.

I don't wanna work in that very like Trixie, like that do a Lipa kind of style, you know? And she's like, I don't wanna work. Which is funny, cause it's like implying that anyone on this show actually does work. No one, no one, no one, that's a job on this show. Okay. But this song, and to people who are like, wait a minute, is this Trixie Monocle? Is it not? It's not Trixie Monocle. Okay.

Trixie Monocle was the queen of the one line song. She'd be like, work, work, work, work, who needs it? Who needs it? Work, work, work. That's it. And then she would, that's the chorus, the bridge, the verse. That's everything. I mean, she'll do that five for 10 minutes, you know? But this, whoever this band is, I do not like them. This is like the bop of Trixie Monocles. They have just too much going on, okay? Listen to these lyrics.

I know what I want, every day I'm out here, what I got. See my colors fade, I just tell me something. I make it look easy. I know what I want That's too much. Am I supposed to follow this song? That is too many lyrics for a Vanderpump rules song. Okay, just I just need I'm tired I'm tired. I'm really really tired, but I've still got money, but I'm tired. That's it Yeah, and I love how it's all about like I I know what I want, da-da-da. And then just got to Ariana doing her hair, going, oh my God.

I was like, okay, goals, I guess. You know what you should want? A damn maid. That room is embarrassing. That room looks like the set of Les Miserables during the French Revolution. Like what's happening in that room. What was really horrifying to me was

that then we see Tom's room and I had to come to terms with the fact that I have the same duvet cover as Tom and the same weighted blanket. I was like, this is not the way I want to start this episode right now. I cannot. I can't have these things. I used a weighted blanket. I felt like I was being murdered. I mean, it felt terrible. I didn't like it. It feels like a hug.

People say it feels like a hug. Guess what else that don't want in bed? Fucking hug, keep your fucking hands off me and let me sleep, but that. You fucking arsehole. I'm gonna get the fucking bag of your weighted blanket. I don't sleep with a weighted blanket, but what I like to use a weighted blanket for

is for napping on the sofa. I feel like it'd be too heavy on my bed, but like for, like, for like a good sofa nap, you just like get under that thing. But then once you're under it, you're out and you're not getting up for four more hours. Like you, there's no such thing as cat napping with a weighted blanket. You have to like use it very carefully. I'm a very weak person.

The weighted blanket is literally too heavy. I'm like, I'm dying. It's like when people die under the weight bench, under the weight of the, what do you call it? The dumbbell thing? They lift it? And then it falls on them cause they can't handle it. That's me with a weighted blanket. I'm like, I'm dying.

You know what they call them on this show though? Weighted blankets. Get it. It's a show about a restaurant. Blankets that make you exhausted, starring Katie. That opening, by the way, Katie's fashion is why people wear uniforms in restaurants, okay? That is exactly why people bring out uniforms.

Okay, let's get on with the show. I know what I want, I know what I want. Tom's in bed. And they show a book on his chair, which is hilarious because that is such a Bravo thing like, Oh, I'm changing. Look, I have a book. He's reading a damn book. Get out of here. Lars and Pipin.

I know, right? And he comes out of the bathroom. We hear a toilet flush and he comes out of the bathroom in like a tank top and last night's flat ironed hair. And he's like hey Hey, what's up, and and we meet him we finally meet the assistant and and she's like my hero Hi fucking hero of the year and wherever you are. I love you You're an amazing contribution to this channel and to this world never change a goddamn thing. I'm obsessed with Anne

I want to know everything about Anne. I want her. I want her phone number. I want her autograph. Anne's just whole like, oh, hi, how is New Zealand? How was it? Great. I love that for you. Did you wake up? Good for you. Good for you. You did it. And just all that positive energy and she's about to have a nervous breakdown at any goddamn moment. She will. Anne of green enables. So she's like, good morning. How was New Zealand? And he's like, oh man, it was such a grueling experience, probably like one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Way harder than cheating on Ariana and having the entire nation against me.

It was so hard. I mean, he's telling us and he's got, you know when Tom gets really mad, he gets those hateful eyes, he has those a lot now. I think he's just in a very angry place. And he's like, I just got back from filming a reality competition show. I found myself these past few months on the receiving end of more hate

than I've ever gotten in my entire life. And then tweets cover the screen that's like, Santa Claus smells like cheap, come on, wet dog and vodka. I realize that I have to be able to handle those things and that life's throwing at me, but I also wanted to punish myself. Pennants do pain.

I'm like, yeah, you're really punishing yourself by getting a sweet paycheck and being on another TV show. So yeah, I don't know the exact punishment, but fine. The pen is cleaning up trash on the side of the freeway. It's not going to star in a reality show. You fuck. Punishment is actually enlisting in the army, not just going to a camp on Fox TV.

Yeah, that doesn't count. OK, the pen isn't going to hang out with Jojo Siwa, like getting rides on Jojo Siwa's back. OK, so. Well, maybe actually, you know what? Maybe, on Jojo Siwa's back. Okay, sir. Well, maybe actually, you know what? Maybe, maybe that is bad. That might be, that might be bad for her.

For her. That's Jojo Siwa paying off whatever bullshit she's done in her life. Geez. She does a lot of yelling Jojo. Okay, that's a lot to be around. She's like, today on Boo Camp, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna clean a carrot, chop Santa Claus.

Oh my God, JoJo, Siwa, geez. Does she yell a lot? I really don't know anything about her except that she was a dance mom kid. She, well, she's like very much, she yells like in the big brother confessional style with everything she does. When she was on, so you think you could dance as a judge,

she was like, that was amazing. Oh my God. You're breaking my T.B. I was like, oh my God. You're breaking my TB. So was she the one in the see-ya video? Yeah, I think. I think so. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't really, I just see her in the news a lot. But I know she's from down in the news. See what hurt in the news? I see what hurt in the news, yeah.

Also, I threw this in here, I picked one tweet because I thought you were gonna jump on it and you didn't. The tweet said, Sandeval smells like cheap cologne wet dog and vodka. That's like a classic game. We used to play here at Watch What Crappens. Smells like.

Well, you know what? There were so many tweets on the screen. I was like, Rhonda's gonna write them all down and say them, so I didn't write any of them down because I thought you were gonna say some. How dare you? I felt the resentment in that, and guess what? I'm not apologizing.

No. And I didn't write them all down, but I did like that one because I felt like, who's right? Did Ben write that? Because that's so us. I wish. You know what he smells like?

Used to be one of our favorite games. We would just play what he smells like. This would be one of our favorite games. We would just play what it's like. And we just sit there for literal hours. No, we don't have to. We can smell. Just saying. Tom Sandoval smells like. It's something to me apparently didn't mean anything to me.

That's all I'm pointing out. Tom Sandoval smells like an old Glid plugin, mouse traps and cotton balls. I feel like he smells like crayons because I met a guy who said that balls smell like crayons and now I can't unsmell it because there's such truth in that. And so I feel like he smells like crayon balls

and hydrogen peroxide mixed with vegan collagen peptide sweat which is very specific but it's a thing. I feel like he smells like the trap like like he smells like he smells like a mouse pad not just a mouse trap, a mouse pad. Yeah, he smells like the rubber that Timmy's stuff is wrapped in when you get Timmy's stuff. There's like a specific smell to like the packing foam rubber stuff. He smells also like the tape they use on the Timmy box, but like if the tape had previously been like wrapped

around a rotting apple. He smells like when you were doing your dishes and you were using something with a lot of cheese, but then you forgot to run the garbage disposal and the next day it just has that kind of like old cheese, but also mixed with possibly soap, but also like kind of onion smell as well. He smells like you're in, you're deep in an aisle

and staples by all the file, filing supplies. And then you get to an area where someone clearly spilled something yesterday and no one cleaned it up. He smells like a dead, rotting, Irish prostitute. Walk me down to the river where I die. The end. Okay, so he's like, all right, well. He's doing this thing too,

where he's using his tongue very aggressively against his bottom teeth. Did you notice? It looks like this for anyone on video. He's like, like he's pissing out. Like he's talking like this now. He's like, yeah, I was gonna wear it out and Jason's gonna come by.

I'm gonna go see Schwartz. That's what these shoes are for. I got him a gift. And then I was like, oh my God, you're gonna see Schwartz? That's great. You guys okay? It's been a while since you've seen Schwartz.

You okay? What can I do? You need me to seen Schwartz. You okay? What can I do? Name me the center of a card? Anything? How can I help? You think, uh, yeah, I think we're okay. And then he tells us things are very much not okay between Schwartz and I. He just recently went on Jack's podcast and like, it talks shit about me. And then we hear Schwartz on that Godforsaken podcast and he's like, Oh, I mean, I know that Sandoval is really passionate about the band, but the optics of it just like, this looks like he just doesn't give a fuck. He's like living out his rock star dream.

Oh, I'm cute. I don't think that that was really talking shit about him. Do you, do you not say anything? No, I think it was like star dreams. He didn't say you're a hack who shouldn't be opening your mouth in public because you can't fucking find the key, Tom. OK. Yeah. And then Sandoval has the balls to come back and tell us I just I feel betrayed by my friend. Oh, you feel betrayed.

OK, so it's Tom for the record. Tom Schwartz going on a podcast is the ultimate betrayal according to Tom's hand of all. This is betrayal for Tom's hand of all. God, no, that's what you do. That's what you do. When you wrong people, then you come back and you talk about how wronged you are all the time

because then it's like supposed to like even out everything that you've done because everybody's done something. It turns it into like, it wasn't just me, it's everybody, guys. Like, sure, did I betray my girlfriend? Sure, but you know what? I just got betrayed and I'm fine.

I mean, Schwartz betrayed me and I just bought him a new pair of shoes. Like, what is everybody so upset about betrayal? I mean, as far as I can tell, Schwartz didn't sleep with Jax's podcast for nine months. So, I think they didn't have the energy, let's face it. So, and I get that, I get that. So then we cut to Ann and Ann's doing that thing

where she's just like kinda smile. She's got this, I don't know how to explain it, except to say she's got a face that's smiling, but she's frowning at the same time. Like she's technically smiling but she just looks like she's sobbing. Her mouth kind of points downwards in her frown but it's like her teeth are in a smile. She's got smiling teeth but a frowny face if that makes any sense. She's like when I was a junior at Pepperdine, I definitely did not think this was gonna be my future. So, Sam Ball's like.

Tomorrow's my birthday. Oh my God, happy birthday, Tom, happy birthday to you. So I wanted to have people over. Oh, well, I'm gonna have to put in a request for that. Well, Ariana's like obviously invited if she wants to come. Oh, fine, that's great. She might be busy. I'm thinking she might be. Um, well we can ask if she wants to stay in like a nice hotel like maybe like the road away in on Lancashire maybe? I don't know. That is so nice. Okay, I'm gonna ask her. I'm gonna ask her. It's gonna be great. She's

gonna have to just stay in the hotel. Hold on a second. I started to bother you. I'm gonna ask her. I'm gonna ask her. It's gonna be great. She's gonna have to just stand out. Oh, no! Hold on a second. Hi, sorry to bother you. I'm putting five U's on the U because we're close. But Jason's gonna come over and hang out with Tom in a bit. I think they're gonna be in the gym. Workout emoji, strong emoji.

Oh, look at me! Send you an emoji because we're friends. Oh my God, I love you, Ariana. Please write me back! Ariana was like, I'm gonna head out with Maya. So then Produxion was like, so what's it like having to share a living space with your ex? Fucking stupid. And Sam was like, it's awkward!

And she's like, he has done some weird things. Like, opened my mail and put my plates in my car. Like, his most recent thing is that he got like a white noise machine. Interesting. So now he's buying things his audience probably wants. I know it's something to improve his his band. White noise, white noise was the original name of his band, by the way. That was a good description on that one. That was the band he had before.

I like that they showed this text that she was sending to Ariana and it says, sounds good. Like her responses, sounds good. Heart, heart, heart, smiley face, smiley face. And everything that Ariana writes back, she does the heart reaction to it. Those poor things, so traumatized. And I think it sounds like Ariana's saying,

oh, I don't care, I'm gonna take the dog out for a walk. She literally means I'm coming down into the living room to open the sliding glass door. Yeah. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhalla Harald, a brilliant scholarship student

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where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Can you set the stage a little bit so people understand what happened? In 1969, 14 Black student athletes were kicked off their university's American football team for planning a show of support against racism. We were really protesting our treatment on the field.

Amazing sports stories from the BBC World Service tells their story. We became brothers that day when he did that to us. We made a change. Fighting for what we deserve. Search for amazing sports stories wherever you get your BBC podcasts. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Krappens commercial. And he goes, I mean, I got a white noise machine because like when the scandal fever, I refuse to call it Scandaball, but when scandal fever was at its peak, things I was saying were

being overheard by Ariana and her friends. Okay, you're not like in 2001 Space Odyssey, okay? You're not sitting there hatching plans next to hell, the supercomputer reading your lips. Like let's relax. I guarantee you were not saying anything of note because you're probably just obsessing over if Phillips Hue bulbs and I don't know, things to make your face look younger, I don't know.

But why does it have to be on at all times? I mean, why don't you just use it here? You can still hear over it. Why don't you just use it when you're having a conversation or something that like why do you just keep it running upstairs at all times? It's just so weird, it's so weird.

And also, how do you not just follow sleep? Because I'm so trained to use white noise machines if I'm at a hotel and I can't sleep or whatever. And I will follow sleep if you turn white noise on right now. I'll just be like, oh yeah, there's a fun recap. Like fun recap and then just fucking fall over. It's like when you're on your phone and you turn on the yellow screen to where you go to sleep.

It's like, oh, I'm gonna go to sleep soon. So you can put on night mode and then it turns the screen a yellowish color. I will fall asleep immediately. It turns on that color. I also just think it's funny that he thinks any sort of white noise machine would ever make it so that you can't hear his voice.

He has this sort of voice that carries no matter what. Like he's the sort of person that if you go to a coffee shop to either work or hang out with your friends, you can't focus on either thing because he could be across the room and that like nasally voice will just cut right through everything and you're like, your friends like, so I have something really important to tell you

and all your hearing is, and so then I bought like a new light bulb and then like, I was like, man, I'm a me bro. And like, that you're just, you can't even focus because it just cuts into your brain.

Yeah, I have one of those voices. No, no, no, no, I totally get it. No, yours is, yours is deeper. You have like, yours is, yours is much deeper. But you'll hear it.

You can't put on a white noise machine and then you don't hear me. You will hear me. I mean, I'm like a train rumbling on the ground. You know, when people can put their head to the ground and then hear the train rumbling, that's me in the next room. You can feel my voice vibrating through things.

It's like that. I've had, I literally had roommate and neighbor complaints. Okay, so the white noise machine is weird and Ariana's like, is this like some sort of psychological warfare? Yes, but you've also sat through his band performing many times. So I think we all know that your tolerance is pretty high.

I can only feel so bad. Yeah. So Ariana goes outside with the dog and Ann's like, oh, so I guess I'll come out with you. Uh, so Tom wants to have like a party here. So pretty right now. Oh my God. You look so good. You are. You look so good. Yeah. And so, um, Tom wants to have a birthday birthday party here tomorrow. And, um, he said he could like get you like a

very nice hotel room do you like Motel 6 it's nice I hear it's really nice you want to you want to do that she's literally doing the like Mary Catherine Gallagher thing where she's like she's like squats down like she's got a piece like oh he can get you a nice hotel room. What do we think of that? Hotels. Yes. Whoa, doesn't that sound good? And she's like, no, it sounds fucking disrespectful.

Okay. That's what it is. It sounds disrespectful and inappropriate. She's like, okay, great, great. Got that good. Love that take. Love it. wrote it down.

I'm gonna carry it with me to the grave. Good one. And if he wants to have a party, he can have it somewhere else, because if there are people here making noise, I will call the cops. Yes, good for you. Got it, double thumbs up, okay? Horde emoji, I'm not texting you right now,

but just imagine little horde emojis popping up everywhere. God, I'd love you, you look good. Look at you, look good. I'm spiraling thinking about what his part is used to be like. There would be loud music playing, mess, disgusting everywhere, and it'd be like three, four, five, six in the morning, and now that we're not together,

I'm not putting up with that shit. Oh, hey, great. Oh, by the way, I don't know if you got my text before. The one preceding the 19 hearts. Right. Okay. So that was telling you that Jason's coming over and they might work out or something. So I hope that's good for you.

Is that good? If you want to leave, I don't know if you want to leave. I'll just keep existing like I normally do in my house. Thank you. Oh my God, good for you. Have your choice on that one. Good job. And then that Ariana leaves and then Anne says herself, she's so weird. No, she's like, this is so weird. Oh, she said this is so weird. Okay.

Yeah, I think she likes Ariana, but she's like stuck now in the middle, you know, and it's not, I mean, listen, this has got to be awkward in any situation. But to have Arianna being like, no, and if you do, I'll call the fucking cops. And it's like, whoa, it's like. You're the dumb. You're the crash test dummy in this situation. I just, God bless her. She deserves hazard pay this chick.

She should be the next person in Chicago. There I said it. So now we've got a Lisa Vanderpump's house. Foxy, Foxy, you're doing great everybody. You guys are doing so good. Heart. So we're Lisa Vanderpump's house. Lisa's in glam and I love this.

Her gay is like, so what are we doing tonight with the hair? Should we put it up? Let's see. Let me think. Let's I think what are we doing tonight with the hair? Should we put it up? Um, let's see. Let me think. Let's, I think what we should do with Lisa's hair. And I think what she's going to ask for is the same hair style she's had for the last 13 years she's been on TV. Those never changed.

Yeah. You know what? I think she's going for corn roast today. Okay. I know. Side pony for Lisa. The fuck do you think she's gonna do? Get it ready.

Has she ever had anything other than what she has? Oh my God, she wants Falcon Crest hair. That's it. She do Falcon Crest hair. Give me the Joan Van Arc. Well. Tonight there's no party. It's the last day. There's no party. It's the last day. There's no celebration.

Only commiseration. Find me an Easter hat. It's the last. It's the last. Pumptini. It's the last. Rose. Why is she making somebody do her hair when she's going to put on a damn

bond? And I know. So well, I think maybe the, the hat fills in some of the gaps. I think we see, we see scene A and we see scene C, but we didn't see scene B where she throws a poached salmon at this gay's face. I don't want this. Hey, give me a hat. This is terrible. Poach salmon at this gay's face. I don't want this hair, give me a hat.

This is terrible. Well, after 10 years, we've decided to close. Pump. It's going to be exponentially expensive and Ken wants to retire if we do it for another 10 years. Ken will be stomping the pavement of West Hollywood in his 80s. Darling, I mean, he's already running low on his skin-omba battery darling. He can't just be stomping around. Do you know how many cracks are on those sidewalks that he gets stuck on? Paul's thing. They

actually put a rug down outside of Motherload the other night and he couldn't get past it. I just kept getting a dinging on my phone that said your Roomba is stuck. He'll be stomping the pavements of West Hollywood when he's in his 80s and I'll be in my 40s. Get it Randy Hummer. Oh I've had so many great memories there at Pump. Salads with teeny tiny shrimp on and on them. Appetizers that come out 45 minutes late. So much to remember. So then we go to James and Ally taking a walk in the Valley and oh my God, I love it.

James and Ally in the Valley. So James is doing that thing, I think where all people do this when they move to the Valley and we just know, and by the way, people are so offended that you, in particular, are so mean to the valley. I will accept it. I appreciate larger parking spaces, personally.

I don't have anything against the valley. Ben, on the other hand, is a hater. You should take him down. And a hater. But I will tell you this. You know what, I think I'm entitled. You're entitled, yeah. I'm just giving you six, it's fine.

But one of the things I have noticed about my friends that move to the valley, which is like literally all of them, because that I'm just giving you six, it's fine. But one of the things I have noticed about my friends that move to the valley, which is like literally all of them, because that's what happens when you age, you're like, bye, I'm going to Bear Park spaces and cheaper rent, bye, I want a multi-floor target, bye. Okay, so anyway, they move to the valley and then they start trying to convince you

that it's amazing. It's like when your friends get pregnant and they're like, oh my God, you should have a baby. Because they want you to be in their personal hell. That's what people do when they move to the valley too. And that's what James was doing. He's like, oh my God, this is such a perfect place for walking. You can't find this on the other side of the hill.

Oh yeah, there's no sidewalks on the other side of the hill. Congratulations, you're walking down Chandler Boulevard. You're on a sidewalk that's in between three lanes on either side of you. Yes. It's the most peaceful walk actually I mean Chandler Boulevard. It is cute. It's a cute walk. I'll give it that but like it is I totally agree It was totally him trying to sell himself on his new Burbank locale. It's so beautiful He just get this on the other side here. Do ya I'm like Well, I mean truthfully on the other side of the hill. There are no

Cute sidewalks to stroll down. So I will give them that, but also like, again, you're in the middle of a boulevard, sir. You're not walking through Central Park. This is not a Robert M. Moses or Mosley or whatever's name is, you know, you call like pasture. And by the way, we know we're going to James

because there's a plane. Yeah, it's, anyway, people are mad at me. I got, there was a message, someone said, you know what? This like valley bashing is getting to be borderline offensive and it's like not cool. To which I say, I'm sorry, if it makes you feel any better, I do the same thing to Culver city, you know, and Runa Del Rey, I have certain areas I don't like to go to.

I've spent plenty of time in them. I've lived in them. I go to them every single week. By the way, I go to the valley every single week. Cause I've, that's where my game night is. I've a game night in Culver city and a game night in the valley. I've been in the valley. I know the valley. It's just not for me.

And I'm sorry that I offended you. I'm sorry I offended you, but I don't think I can change my tune on this. I have to be authentic to my lived experiences. Yeah, come over here and beat him up. It's gonna take you a really long time though. Talk shit about Hollywood if you want. Talk shit about Hollywood. I don't care, do it.

Why would I need to talk shit about it? When you've got so many people doing that for me all over the sidewalks already. I was about to say, talk the shit because Lord knows I'm trying not to step in it outside So well the valley this is amazing Ali look this cars and street there cuz you don't get that on the other side of the Hill do you? It's a perfect place to walk a doggy this way this way a dog can see what a green arrow looks like Ali Left turn arrow don't have those on the other side of the hill.

Honestly, the Valley's greatest asset is left turn arrows. So good. So they're wearing like little matching workout clothes. And this is the first time I've believed that James is sober because he's wearing like matching working out clothes with Ally. And I was like, oh, I feel like that's what sober people do. Sober couples. I feel like drunk couples are not gonna match their clothes,

but sober couples do. Cause they need something to do. And that's a hobby, you know, like, what if I got these shorts, they would match the Lulu that you have, the tennis skirt, they're the same color, aren't they? Do you have it? Do you have the picture on there to match it?

Let's match it right here in the Costco, let's match it. You can't match these sort of outfits on the other side of the hair, that's for sure. Listen, I've only want a doggy. That's what I really want. I want a big cute dog, not a stupid, dumb, slap dog. Anyway, I'm ready. I'm a good little boy.

I'm ready for a dog. And I know my DJ career is going to get busier and busier. I'm DJing a lot and I'm on the road a lot, but Harry can come watch her whatever. I want a doggy. I want a doggy. I want a doggy There's sweet James. What's a doggy? So they can't get Raquel for the season. So now they're going for Raquel's dog Come on. Could you not get Raquel's sister?

Graham Cracker! Graham Cracker can't talk, okay? At least call the mom get one of them on here. What are you doing? You can't replace Raquel with a puppy Get one of them on here. What are you doing? You can't replace for Kel with a puppy. At least like, I'm not against it, but we have to make sure we're really ready for a dog. I have to make sure I do the dogs astrological chart first.

Oh no, this dog's chart is super, super Taurus. Oh no. So he's like, you know, Lisa asked me about Graham Hucker the other day at the restaurant. You know that, right? You know that, right? And then we see Lisa, a clip of her being like, what happened to your dog? And don't, please don't take me, and seriously, just because I've got a Bob today, or I've got a new queen every day. Yes, your dog. Have you gotten any visits from Drit Kemzli recently?

So James. So Lisa, stop giving these people dogs. Just stop. Did they get their dog from Lisa? No, they didn't, right? I think their dog is like a purebred something or other. I think so. I mean, the good news is they know where the dog is.

They just are not happy about where the dog is. So James's like, I mean, I could just picture Graham Cracker in that cactus and this and that, the Huzonah. Just get caught again and run it out and bang, put it in the cat, I got to do a stupid slap, don't run into the cactus, the stupid dog, get away from the swirer. I never got over Graham Cracker. I was the best dad to him. One of the best person I've ever known in my life, Graham Cracker. And apparently Graham Cracker,

this is stuff that I just read about a long time ago. Apparently what happened is Raquel went away to, you know, wherever, to camps, and then she sent the dog to her moms, and then the dog bit the mom or something, like the dog was biting the mom, and then they had to, they were going to get rid of the dog or something. So I think, I don't know, why am I giving away the whole plot? I know it's a very intense plot line that I'm giving away here, but I think that's what happened. Well, I don't understand why James, why does, I still don't totally understand whatever, Kel, like why James has no access to Graham. I think at this point, if Raquel's going into treatment

and there's all, I think that like, shouldn't he just have at the very least, just shouldn't he be the guardian of Graham Cracker while she's in treatment at the very least? I don't understand this yeah I don't know. I don't know. I think he is now, but yeah, so He's saying well, you know, I can't believe we're gonna miss the pump thing tonight You know closing a pump, but you know, I think going to Chicago for a sold out shows pretty good

Sounds pretty good. Don't know Ali don't know don't know yeah I'm gonna go do a sold out show at Pizzeria Uno in Chicago. What the fuck is this? Is it deep dish pizza? It's not turntable? You're not gonna find that on the other side of the hill. I'll tell you that much. He's just doing a wiggy wiggy on a,

Spongy pizza. Spongy pizza. Tomato sauce. They're like, did you just remix a pepperoni, sir? I guess. Yes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Trying to just remix some ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha use a Portillo's hot dog. Oh, geez. Doesn't really turn the way I need it to. Sir, stop trying to turn the Chicago bean into a turntable.

It's a sculpture. So then we go to Sandoval in his home planet fitness gym. This is not just a gym. It is a Phillips Hue infested. Now, listen, I have some Phillips Hughes behind me now. You're like amazing. Because you know, and I don't, I just want to clarify. Yes, I have been making Tom fun of Tom's,

but Tom really just goes too far with it, you know? He's got him coming out his ass. You don't need that many. Like literally they show his house later and he's got what I've got, those stick ones, you know, that they're just sticks, they stand up and then they put out a stick of light. He's got like a whole row of sticks next to each other. Like you don't, that's no, don't do that.

And also I'm not copying Tom. I've just been watching a lot of YouTube tutorials and that's what YouTube guys have. They have, they have. I was saying, there's a different, you, you put put Phillips you in to make your TV set look pretty you don't do it so that way like you're not trying to turn your place into like essence of tanning bed you know yeah or like planet fitness like he really is like why would you go to a gym when you can go to a club man yeah hey come in here on the stair climbers.

We've got girls and thongs bumping out to the hottest techno rave hits. I'm like, oh my God, please stop. Please just stop. Now you'd pass that place in Hollywood and it would just be like 11 in the morning. Oh, it's wild. That's that right.

Planet Fitness, am I saying the right thing? I think Planet Fitness is supposed to be, like their whole thing is like, when you come to Planet Fitness, you're not gonna find them, not just Jim Brose here. It's for normal people. I think you're talking about Crunch maybe. No, Crunch wasn't like,

there was one that was like a club and it's like dark inside and it has like neon lights and disco balls and the music's like. This is our orange theory. Oh, I thought that was planning. Guess what? You're, you don't find that on this side here. You don't have on this side of here of the gyms on a divider in the,

in the middle of Chandler Boulevard. Well, Tom Sandoval has it at home, so he doesn't need to go over the hill anyway. He's got it there. So the dogs are barking at the door and Ants like, Oh my God, that's okay dogs, you don't have to bark. Although I do love that bark. Park Chamours, you're doing so good! You are doing so good. Heart emoji! Oh hi Jason, thanks for coming over. Jason. Yeah, so Jason comes over and Sam's balls like, um, since the scandal broke, I've lost like a lot of long-term friends and I'm like, I'm really leaning into ones who've stuck around and who are on my payroll and Jason's been one

of them. He's like manager of the band and he's like been very, very supportive and not only in like LA, but like on the road and it like it kept me from being in like a really, really bad place. You know, it's been really hard for me. So basically I went around to lunchrooms and I looked at the kids that nobody was sitting with and I was like, dude, you wanna come to my birthday? That's how I met Jason. Jason is like Chris Farley, the fan. You know that character when he played the fan?

He'd be like, Tom Cruise, wow. Remember when you were in that movie, Top Gun, that was cool. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, hey Jason, it's really cool to see you, just so you know, you did not have to bring a poster, we don't have glass wall like the today's show. Okay, well, have you heard from Raquel?

I haven't heard from her in like a few weeks, I just like, I miss her, you know? I just, I wanna see her and like give her a big hug, you know? And Jason's acting like he's all nice and not judgmental. Jason, you're the tour manager. That means you are purposely putting Tom's vocals onto the rest of us. You're like the Oppenheimer of karaoke music.

Fuck you, sir. I don't want some movie about how I'm supposed to feel fucking bad for you. That comes out the same weekend as my beloved Barbie. Okay? Fucking Tom and Heimer. Well, Jason's saying how like everyone's going through stuff but like, you know, like this is something

that you two are going through together and like living in this world and like people hating you. People, it's like, you know, both, everyone hates both of you. So that way you can bond together about both being hated at the same time yeah it's like yeah you'd think that you'd be closer than ever I mean while Tom's sitting with like a wig cap I'm not really sure what he's wearing and he's like yeah well I'm still very much in love with Raquel I am hoping we can

give love a chance okay are you sure you're not just acting like a big victim so people will feel sorry for you and date you? Like that stupid ass model that's dating you right now. If I've ever wanted to save people, listen, I've seen the news where there's like national kidnapping stories, or I've gotten an Amber Alert and I'm like, I'm gonna keep, I guess I'll keep my IAP for that license plate number.

I don't think I've ever wanted to save anybody as bad as this model. I'm stating Tom, like do you have no TVs? Get in the car, get in the car right now. I will explain on the way home young lady. Yeah, so he says that he asked about if he could have like a birthday party and Ariana said no, we see like 32 minutes earlier

and it's like, hey, I just talked to Ariana and it's a no for the party, but it's a yes for you looking great today, Tom. Tom, you're great. You're great, Tom. Sad face, hunk-a-mo-tee. He's like, really? She said no.

He says, yeah. Yeah, she did. And Jason's like, well, is she even allowed to tell you that? I mean, she has people here all the time. I mean, you should just have people here. Like, what is she gonna do about it? She's just, oh, wow, no way, well, is she even allowed to tell you that? I mean, she has people here all the time. I mean, you should just have people here. Like, what is she gonna do about it? She's, oh, wow, no, wait, wait, wait, I'm sorry. But did I mention that she mentioned

that she might have to call the police? So, might not be the best idea, okay. Fun fact, if you have people over, she's gonna call the cops on you. Ha, fun. Oh God, you guys are great. You guys are great. I hope you guys.

I mean, I didn't know whether she met the actual cops or if she met police, the band, but either way, neither one of them will be very happy with you. I mean, you've really done a number on their music. So, just. Just. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Obviously, Ariana is like very upset with me No, I'm just probably would be very excited to lock you up. Yeah. Come on. Come on. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm consciously.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February Black History Mom. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less in August, 1492, Columbus sailed the're gonna hear a little less — — — — — — — — —

— — — — — — — —

— — — — — — — — — — Or you can listen early and add free on Wondry Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondry Plus on the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. So, Santa Claus was like, well what if we compromise and have people out by midnight? She goes, oh, okay, I'm gonna text her about that.

Oh my god, can't wait to text her again. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt my soul. But I'm gonna love it. He's like, Okay, well, I'm cool with that. I was like, Well, of course you're cool with it because that's your fucking idea. So yeah, your friends all have high school in the morning. Yeah, they all your friends have social studies homework, so they're gonna have to be home by midnight anyway. Let me tell you this, and I can say this pretty confidently after seeing that, that Motley crew, they have nothing to do in the morning. I don't think that group has even seen morning in years.

No, that is when pasty, disheveled, non-working crew of people. That's, that's, that people. That's the show. So Anna's texting Ariana and she's like, hey, so sorry. So he was wondering if he can have people. Here's a little people emoji just to really illustrate it. But people, but like a very small group of people, maybe 12, here's emoji one, emoji two.

And like everyone out by midnight, here's a clock emoji. Okay, maybe 12. Here's emoji one, emoji two. And like everyone out by midnight. Here's a clock emoji. Okay, so sorry. So sorry. And he's like, well, tell her, okay, tell her this, tell her he is gonna have people tomorrow, but they'll be out by midnight. She goes, oh, wow, already texted. So sorry about that. Should I have waited? I have such fast thumbs. So sorry about that, should I have waited? I have such fast thumbs. He gives her that look, that rage look. And she's like, oh yeah, think thumbs, bad thumbs, bad thumbs. You are bad thumbs.

I'm mad at you. I give thumbs up. I have a question. If you've got bad thumbs, can you give a thumbs, if you give a thumbs down to your bad thumbs, well it just wind up being a thumbs up because it's a bad thumb God These are the questions that keep me up. I'm giving your thumbs down to my thumb up. Oh my god. They're making out You guys stop it. You're being bad. You're being bad

One two three four. I'm in a thumb war Oh no. Now I'm in a thumb war. Sorry Thumbs. Sorry, you deserve better Thumbs. We need peace, peace in the Thumbs. So then we go to a place called Whatabeech. Yeah, Whatabeech. So there's something about peaches.

This is a spit in the eye of Whataburger. I feel like they're like, this is LA. So we have Whatabitch. Not the same people. It's continuing the trend of sort of like whimsical names. There's Go Get Him Tiger. There's something about her. There's Met Her at a Bar. There's Met Him at a Bar. Down Down Kitty Rour. There's Here's Look tiger. There's something about her. There's met her at a bar.

There's met him at a bar. Down down kitty, rawr. There's here looking at you. Isn't them they go to someplace like that last year? It's like, bad kitty, bad rawr. They did, they went to like electric pussy cup or something. Yeah. I'm a lot to you for places.

There are, I feel like there's gonna be a place that's gonna be like, that's the way the cookie crumbled, but they don't sell cookies. Or like, don't cry over spilled milk, it's a vegan restaurant. Can't have your cake and eat it too, it's a brewery. So yeah, the. You get it. What, what do you say?

I swear to God, I'm just going to keep saying cliches. Nice work. If you can get it. What a peach. So Lala comes to meet Ariana or Ariana and she's like, yeah, you know what? From the box. You look like me. So let's order. I'm gonna order a green ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski-ski It was Tom's birthday and today Ann was like, he wants to have a party here tomorrow. And he said he would like get your hotel.

And I'm like, this is my house. I will be at my house. And Ann, you don't have to send me 15 emojis of all the houses. I'm well aware of that tab. And Lala's saying, right. But also from a logical standpoint, he's allowed to have a party at his house, right?

Excuse me. How patient do you think Lala was after Rand cheated? Do you think she was like, oh my God, Rand, you should totally have people over tonight. I know. It's your house. Yeah, Rand, why don't you have an expendables reunion

in the living room? So. Hey, why don't you have a little Bruce over, play some pin the wheel on the donkey? Let's get him on over here, why not? I had a dream about Bruce Willis last night. That's so strange. Was it sad?

So Ari, it was sad. It was sad for Bruce Willis. Bless his heart. So Ariana, bless his heart. So Ariana, she's like, you know what, that's true. But I'm also allowed to call the cops for a noise complaint. And Lala goes, but why would you do that?

And she's like, well, if they're loud enough, should I do the next day? Oh, I was like, but couldn't you just say, hey, it's, I know it's your birthday, and I want you to have bedtime. So, cause we just make sure everybody's out by this time. And she's like, yeah, well, actually he did say that like 12 people are gonna come

and then they're gonna like leave by midnight. So whatever, I'm like, that like 12 people are gonna come and then they're gonna like leave by midnight, so whatever. I'm like, that seems fine. Have fun in jail. Lala's like, wouldn't it be easier to move outsk? And she was like, yeah, sure, like on the house is sold. But like, I'm not here for him to like assert his dominance, like be louder, be more obnoxious,

use more Phillips use than I do. Like that just like, I'm supposed to just like cower and let him do whatever. No. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, but I think that you don't understand that he's like enjoying that he's the kind of person that enjoys like torturing you. And so this is fun for him. And she's like, yeah, no shit.

She said, Ariana says, you can't just like sell the house unless both people agree to sell the house, but Tom wants to pay me out. And, and, and he wants to stay there. And I'm just like, not going to pack up all my clothes and hitch kink down the road because Tom offered me a measly sum of money. And so she's going to get her lawyer on it. And like, by the way, I, what they really should do is just sell the house and both move out. The fact that he wants to stay is ridiculous, especially since he is the one who cheated

and that's basically what you says next. Yeah. And she was like, so you don't want to buy him, you don't want him to buy you out because it's like too easy for him. And she's like, yeah, but also that's both of their investment. Why should he get to walk away with that house?

That's a good investment. Yeah. I want to keep that damn house too. I mean, I don't. That house to gonna increase in value and Ariana's just gonna get paid out or whatever. I'm sure the negotiation would be like, this is what it's worth now, but also an estimate of where it would be in 10 years

or who knows what, but like it is fucked up. Like they should both just sell it. I mean, it's sad to say this, but like Katie and Tom Schwartz, they did it right. They just were like, they both just got out of there, sold it and got on out. Well, I think in this case, Tom is so over leveraged

because he took a loan out on it to pay the restaurant money. So he's got like an extra, what, half a million. How much was that loan? I forgot, they said on the show, but he had to take out an extra loan on that house. So after that, he wouldn't have any money left. So that's why I'm wondering how he's even going to get the money to pay Ariana back. We don't get a loan on that house.

I don't know how that any of you- Only fans. Only fans. Oh God, people are really gross enough to do that too. Be like, oh my God. Dude. I'm going to jerk off to Tom Sandoval on Only Fans. My goodness, I don't even, I'm sorry that I even evoked that too. Be like, Oh my god, dude, I'm going to jerk off to Tom Sandoval on only fans. Oh my goodness. I don't even, I'm sorry that I even.

Evoked that image. So, um, Lala's asking how Dan guy who masturbates, but he also sings Freddie Mercury off key while he does it. It's like, I just don't know if I want to see someone with flat iron hair. Master bait would like Bruce Davidson face. Not Bruce Davidson.. Not Bruce Davidson. It's definitely not Bruce Davidson. Bruce the Lance.

No, he's Bruce the Lance alone. Bruce Davidson is a totally different person. Yeah, you know, he's a good actor. He's a better actor for sure. But he has a there was another Bruce. There's another Bruce actor. Bruce Green Green. Sorry, Bruce, whoever you are.

I'd like to think Bruce is somewhere like these people. Fuck these people. I've had it. Bruce Greenwood. Bruce Greenwood. Bruce Greenwood is like the better version. It's like what Tom Sandoval. Tom Sandoval had a close Chloe.

Not Chloe. What's her? Clay Duvall. Clay Duvall. He had like a Clay Duvall moment, but now he's moved into like a Bruce Greenwood space, but both Clea and Bruce have done their spaces better than Tom Sandoval can do, if that makes sense. Oh, I don't think he looks like Bruce Greenwood, Canadian actor and film producer, Bruce Greenwood.

I think he's moving into an unshaven Bruce Greenwood space. But I say that, I say that not as a diss, that that's not an insult. It's more like I feel bad for Bruce Greenwood that he's coming for his face. You know, what's funny is he starred in a movie called Gerald's Game, which was he was getting kinky with his wife and tied her to the bed and then died. So that, it's another bad house movie is what I'm saying. Maybe you should move while you have the chance.

If your ex is turning into Bruce Greenwood and you're stuck in a torturous house with him, take it as a sign and just run like hell. Bruce Greenwood was also in the movie Double Jeopardy, which is also something that Tom Sandoval will never be able to get to on that show. He was also in the fall of the House of Usher, which, you know, spoiler alert, not a great ending either. Okay, so let's see. So she's still talking to Lala about the house and all that. Lala is kind of on

the wrong side of history. I mean, I just don't understand why Lala is allowed to be scorched earth about everything. But then she's acting like Ariana's being so unreasonable with this. And I think that she has the right to have a little unreasonable moment. And why the fuck should she be the one to move out? Why, why don't you have a conversation with Tom and tell him to move the fuck out? Tom should move out. And I fully back Ariana. There was a weird part of me that felt like Lala is sort of doing the, um, the audience.

This is what the audience is going to say. I think she's kind of trying to be like, Hey, uh, people are going to be start saying this sort of stuff. Like this is what the audience is gonna say. I think she's kind of trying to be like, hey, people are gonna be start saying this sort of stuff. Like this is what the audience is gonna be asking. Like, pardon me. They already are saying it. I think by this time they already were saying it because this was after the reunion obviously when this was filmed.

And I think that she's trying to, you know, the thing that people do on these shows, they try and follow the wave of audience sentiment. But by the time the show airs, audience sentiment has already changed. So they're often behind. They can't, they can't keep up with what the audience is thinking, right? Cause it's not shot in real time.

Yep. So Lala asks about how Dan feels about this. And, um, you know, she says that Dan's really looking forward to Ariana getting her own space because when he comes into town, they go to hotels and it costs a lot of money and But furthermore Dan has caused Ariana to change her mind a little bit about starting a family because He's the first person that she's met where she's been like oh Huh this actually could be something I would want Well, and she says it that she says that she he's the first one that she's seen that

actually looks at a relationship as being 50-50 and that also if she's just not in the mood that day, he's has no problem with it being a 90-10 where he's doing most of the work. And that I think is the key to this relationship is that she is the one who has somebody working for her, you know, where I think in her relationship with Tom, she was a supporter at all times because you have to be because he's a fucking baby, you know, like when she tried to have her own thing, he's like, why aren't I part of that book and made himself part of her book or whatever, you know, so she couldn't really ever have her own thing. And so I think this guy's probably like, Hey, I'm just you're famous.

I'll do whatever you need. And she's like, this is amazing. It's like kind of mixing in personal assistant. And boyfriend, which, hey, it's what I'm looking for, which is really wants to apply. It's like. So, uh, you know, he, he just turned 40 actually and Lala's like, wow, 40, never in merits has no kids that like me, my nipples hard right now. They just went, I ding.

So she's sports. She's sports. Back to we how I'm the other side of the hill. Give them what they want. Give them what they want, what? Give them what they want, give them what they want. You know what they want? Lisa Vanderpump in a bright pink Easter hat. So here she comes.

Buzzing down the road with Ken. Boo, hello everybody, can you believe? Can you believe that Santa Claus was in the whole table with Rekhael? Can you believe what was happening while Pump pushed Claus was in the, in October was, Rekhael? Can you believe, can you believe that I was happening while Pump pushed it up and I'm gonna knock them Spark out, I knocked them Spark out! Can you believe it?

Can you believe that? And who says it's about to go off? So people are like, Oh my God, Lisa, Lisa! She's like, oh, hello people of Pump. Let me give a speech now. 10 years ago, we had a dream. A dream of creating a garden where

Twinks could gather to wear short, short rompers and sway back and forth to garage band loops. There one is now. I love your headband, little twink in a romper. He's like, I love you, Lisa. You're amazing. We had a vision to make the most beautiful garden of West Hollywood, but as time got marches on, we realized we cannot compete with those bucolic walkways down Chandler Blavard in Burbank, California.

So therefore, our garden as lush as it may be, must now close. Unfortunately, one Eden was abandoned and the other Eden sprung forth in Burbank. I told the powers that be in West Hollywood, how about we destroy two thirds of our restaurant and replace it with Boulevard avenues? Doesn't really make sense, Boulevard avenues.

Roadways, cars, make it look like Chandler Boulevard. They said, no, we cannot compete with Chandler Boulevard. Therefore, we must see separations. And we see clips of over the years and like Chef Penny being like, here's my vision for this restaurant, Lisa Vanderpump, sexy food. I want steak, but it's gonna be sexy steak. We're just gonna have carpaccio and call it beef curtains.

All right, well, you're high on, darling. A skirt steak, but it's gonna be a small skirt steak, and we call it a mini skirt steak. Ooh, sexy! And then the real meat of it is under the skirt, get it? Oh so what's we have there? Just a little cocktail wiener. Sounds great. Unturned, don't do it, let's do it! An exposed chicken breast. Ooh sexy! Taxi! So then, you know, we see like the couple still being in love, Tom and Ariana and Tom and Katie,

and then Ken cheers into the toms as they celebrated their restaurant. I'm like, why are you showing Tom Tom clips like Tom Tom is closing? Fucking weirdos. So then later, um, lots of dancing and a lot of LA types of people, big, huge, gigantic cartoon breasts with little tiny dogs in front of them being held in restaurants, you know, that place.

I'll tell you, you see one person with a fucking dog, you'll have 20 because Vanderpump walks around with a dog. And so now everybody's like, oh my God, I can take my dog to her restaurant. And before you know it, it's just ladies with tiny dogs on their breast. Yeah, there's like one couple and they're like plastic surgery to the Mth degree

and they bring their little dog there and they are hilarious. I think they're actually like dog people, like they actually show their dogs and stuff and they are their little dog there and they are hilarious. I think they're actually like dog people, like they actually show their dogs and stuff. And they are all over. If you look at the pump, like pumps Instagram, they're all over it. They are just, there's just this wild, small dog population, like small dog owner population that just comes to pump.

And they do their fans. I remember one time I was there and I was in the outside area and she has like this private, it looks like a circus, you know, in like old Royal movie, like Game of Thrones or something, they'll be like, and here's the, the tent where the Royals are and they're all in like their own tent. They had that, but it was like a big table and everyone at the table, at least his table had a tiny dog. There were her tiny dogs. Some of them were holding her tiny dogs. A lot of them brought their own tiny dogs. It's enough, you know? She's like, what was it?

It was that like, the little, it says where you bring your wife. Serves where you bring your girlfriend. And pump is where you bring your mistress. I'm like, you bring your mistress to come see a sea of Barry Manilow's and, and like Terry from Threerees Company holding small dogs. Pump, I think, was the human trafficking one. And I'm wondering if they close this so close to Epstein's list being put out on purpose

because that's it. I mean, you would go to Pump and there would be all these gorgeous young people who just didn't have two nickels to rub together in their brain. Like they were just dumb people. And bless our hearts, you know, it wasn't our fault. They're so hot. Sometimes I think that's a handicap because it's like, you're so hot, you just don't ever have to learn anything. They were those types. And then you would go back and you would never see these people again. And I'm like, how many hundreds of people have they been funneling through?

Are they selling these people? Well, this is Ronnie's theory. He does not speak for both of us. I make no claims that there's any sort of human trafficking happening anywhere near Lisa. I do. I am stepping away from this. I am immune.

I am immune. Don't send me. I'm not accusing. I'm just hypothesizing. Cause there are people you never see again. It's weird. We have all the people gone. I just think it's funny that this place,

that's supposed to be the sexier version of Sir, which is already quite sexy. This is the gay sexy version, where you take your boyfriend and just like, there's a whole bunch of small dog owners sitting in a row. Yeah. So then let's see, Lala and Sheena come dress like

they're going to the Wynn Hotel in Vegas. Like what are they dressed for? You're coming to pump. Why are you dressing like that? I know. They're looking the same. They're auditioning for a dealer, no deal afterwards. So Katie comes like she's going to a very sexy funeral.

I'm not really sure what she's in either. So everybody's like cheering and going crazy. And it's because Schwartz is behind the ball working. Yeah, everyone's cheering for that. And Schwartz is like, oh, I feel much more at ease behind the bar than I did 10 years ago. I feel like I've got a little bit more chutzpah now. You know?

Oh, I'm scared. I'm scared, I take it all back. Someone asked for a Shirley Temple and I don't know what to do. Do I have to actually go to a temple? Oh! Then we see the clip of him having that meltdown and then Katie be like,

Tom, you had a meltdown bartending? Even Jacks can do that job. And then it's true. I mean, the woman's right when she's right. She's right. She's right. Schwartz does his like, hi, it's just me, sweet Tom Schwartz. He don't know why everyone's so mean to me all the time.

So he comes up to the table. He's like, hi guys, hi Ariana. She's like, pfft, nah. They all leave. All of them are like, should we go stretch our legs? They all walk away. Ah, so Lisa, how are you feeling? Well, you know, if it's not going to carry its own weight,

then it's just going to be a drain, but enough about Ken. Ah, then it's just going to be a drain, but enough about Ken! Get it? Oh, he's like, well, things aren't going good at our place, that's for sure. Tom is tainted. Tom is tainted, the name of my partners. No one wants to work with him. He's like an absentee partner.

Those are their words, by the way. I just really asked him to stay away, and they said that if he came then they'd close doors on him and think as what? He stayed away! I know Schwartz has complained here is a little curious. He's like, I mean we said you got us take a step away But I didn't expect him to fully check out. I thought he'd be more proactive in terms of pitching ideas of how to weather this and how to Come back and tell me how to do my job but he actually stepped away it's not fair. What do you want? And she said well it's not fair for

Schwartz to blame Sandoval for the business going down. I doubt Sandoval thought well I wonder if the takings of Schwartz and Sandy's are gonna suffer after I bang my girlfriend's best friend. Ahhhh! Well, you have to tell Tom Sandoval exactly how you feel. And if you find out afterwards you're quite emotional and feeling like a broken bird, you can always come back to my bosom. Hello there. This is a two part recap.

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