Watch What Crappens - #2322 Below Deck: From a Distance

Episode Date: February 13, 2024

We’re only one episode into Below Deck (S11E02) and things are already going to crap. The stews are fighting, the bosun is in a fog, and the guests are infecting the hot tub. This can only mean one thing: it’s gonna be a good season! To watch the video version of this recap and for this week’s Summer House bonus episode, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. And grab both live and streaming tickets for the 2024 Golden Crappies Awards Feb 17 at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Hello. Good to see you. Good to hear from you. I'm going to be seeing you in person real soon. They'll be flying on in here to LA for the Golden Crappies happening this Saturday at the Palace Theater downtown Los Angeles if you're in Southern California or in America, you should really come. Tickets can be purchased at WatchYourCrapins.com. If you can't make it for some reason, you can stream it. You can watch it on moment. They are our wonderful partners.

They've partnered with us for the past two years to provide really great streaming access to the show. So if you wanna buy a code or pass or whatever for a moment, go also to watchacrapins.com. And our site is also where you can get a link to vote because voting is still open through Thursday. So make sure you vote because these races are actually very close.

So can't wait to read the results on Saturday. Can't wait to see everyone. We can be with our people, all the Bravo heads, everyone all together in one place. So we are psyched. But in the meantime, we still have work to do. We still have below deck. Below deck is here for, that was a long pause.

That made me sound disappointed I wasn't. I just was like trying to remember, what are we recapping right now? My brain is so fried, but it's blowdeck. We're recapping blowdeck adventure. Regular style now. We're taking adventure and we've turned it regular style. Regular style is now got 100% more adventure.

And let me tell you something else adventurous. All camera angles, all slow-mo, all music from the rap industry. All right, wait for it. Below deck first, music from the rap industry. Bring it in boys and give me some slow-mo food of some really girly food. And they show artistic food and the chef sweating and

cutting slowly and then the music's like, cut the salmon, yeah, cut that salmon, yeah. Yeah, they're really trying out some new things in this 11th season of Below Deck. They are. Which is, I mean, look, this is a season of adventure and it's also a season of I mean look, this is a season of adventure, and it's also a season of small cubes of beef filet, and also a koi hacking by mangroves, adventure! You thought a Tomahawk had to be bigger than a human ear? Well, I've got an adventure for you. It's served as a tiny cube today.

Who, friend, child? I'm glad we paid a premium for this Tomahawk, so we could just serve a very small part of it is a tiny cube today. Adventure! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha square of adventure hawk steak. Any takers? Adventure hawk. And after your adventure by the man, Grace, you're going to have a delicate picnic on a beach, a beach full of adventure. There may just be large seashells now, but those were once filled with animals, animals who left their shells for an adventure. That it never ends. So where we left off were these guests, these poor guests.

They're I mean, they're really annoying guests. They they turn everything into a sexual innuendo in a grown worthy way. And but I feel bad for them because they've been sitting at their table for like four hours and have had three courses. Like every course has been an hour apart. And so they're sitting there. They're hungry. They're annoyed.

They're drunk. And Anthony, the stress, the chef, the stress Anthony, we've named the stress on this show Anthony. I'm feeling so Anthony right now. Um, he's struggling in the kitchen and he's like, oh, one moment, please. And they're like, can you just hurry up? We're hungry. Yeah. I mean, they send Fraser down.

He's like, chef, they asked if we could be a little bit quicker with the food. That's all they really would like is quicker on the food. Do you understand? And he's like, oh, yes, but French people spend an hour on these things, you know, maybe it's this big. We spend hour. He's like, where? These are not the French people, an hour on these things, you know, maybe it's this big, we spend an hour. He's like, where?

These are not the French people, all right? It makes, have the bathing habits of the French people, but they're not the French people. Let's get on it. I don't want to be that person. There's nothing worse than someone yapping at you to get your job done sooner, quicker, better, faster. But if we don't have any food on the table,

then we all go down. So I'm going to be that bitch. Watch me now. That bitch. Also, sorry to French people for saying something about bathing habits. I get that from Southern Charm Naomi being like, I'm only going to take a shower like once every five days because I'm French or whatever that was. I felt guilty after I said it. I was like, what do I know? Yeah, you should in their bathing habits, especially look at me right now. I look like I've just opened a tin can and I'm cooking it over a trash fire. So I don't know who the hell I'm poking.

As someone who formerly was the president of his French club in high school, um, I will tell you that I remember reading the textbook in French class and it was like common stereotypes with the French people that they don't wear deodorant. They do wear deodorant. I just always remember the textbook being like, hey guys, French people wear deodorant. If only you would learn that lesson Ronnie, if only.

Hey, wait a minute, this book smells. The book was then like, wrong wrong. I was like whoa, how could you do these to me? so Fraser is like I'm that bitch And so then Barbie drops a glass and she's like oh, hey, Dio's me. I I'm from Argentina. That's right. So then Jared is talking to Ben about how to do the platform. Jared is the Bosun for those of you who don't know names yet. He's the kind of questionable boat questionable at best Bosun and he's like yeah, we're gonna do a swim platform like this and we're gonna grab them both this way and we want to connect the handles and it's like oh really connect the handles

Is that what you're saying supposed to connect them? He's like, ah Bro, you got a point. Let's see what you're saying. Can handles the handles don't really connect Not really sure where I'm going that all right. You got a lighter Yeah Jared is definitely like a golden retriever of a Bosun, which has has its pluses and its minuses, mainly minuses, but he seems like he seems good-hearted, but he just doesn't seem like he knows what he's doing.

But Ben is also an underminer because Ben could very easily just say, oh, you know what, I don't think that the handles connect. But instead he goes, connect the handles. Like he is definitely undermining Jared and is basically aiming to take over his job. Yeah, he's like, all right, could you say that again?

I've got the camera on you. It's just a picture. Go ahead, say it again. Closer, closer to the microphone. Okay, now hold on. After you say handle, let me put the camera on myself and go, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, am I right?

All right, hold on. Let me just send this video to bigman can't do in my rod. All right, hold on, let me just send this video to bigmanedadventure.com, all right. Got it. Right. So then, Captain Kerry's giving instructions about how to do the overnight thing and he's wearing like boxers and a big red t-shirt,

like not like a big comma red t-shirt. It's actually wearing a branded t-shirt for the big red gum, which is like kind of adorable. And then Fraser is finally bringing up the food. After all this time, he is bringing up the aforementioned tomahawk steak, which has been shaved down to a tiny cube. Why do you need a tomahawk steak to serve it like that?

Like the whole point of a tomahawk steak is that it's this big thick cut and it comes to the table and it looks like a boat. There's a boat on a boat. And instead he just reduces it down to a tiny little square. I didn't get it. Yeah, I'm not really sure either. I mean, I guess it's refinement because the Tomahawk steak is terrifying. Like it's, it's a Flintstones episode, you know, Flintstones opening. But you know, I mean, these are Texans. They don't need refinement in their steaks. The Texans want their fucking cow mooing, okay? They want it gigantic and they want it on a plate.

Okay? But they didn't complain, they liked it. I think that this chef is really good at scaring these people into not complaining about anything food-wise because they don't want to feel ignorant. I mean, when you see a Tomahawk steak served like a little cube like that, I think you just assume that whoever did this is better than you because no one you know would do this.

No, no. So then one of the women goes, Oh my God, this is so good. I'm having an aneurysm. And which of course means that someone else goes, did you say orgasm? That come on. Well, one of the guys says it like oh come on Todd or whatever I'm like aren't you the lady who said that she's moist ten times come on So then we cut back to the chef like in his own rap world that they're rapping still in the kitchen And the chef is moving really slow mo. It's like the slow mo action and we see like citrus Splirting out of a lemon.

I really like this skinnimax thing they're doing with the food. Yeah, it's like slomo food, two chains is playing on the stereo and moist. And moist baby. So moist. So then Holly, I think it was Holly goes, I think I need some more wine. I mean, water was good too. And the other lady goes, yeah, I'd focus on the water. So then Kat is clearing the table.

And she's like, I guess clearing them sort of diner style where she has one plate on her hand and another on her forearm and phrase her intervenes. It's like, don't you DAST stack a plate on another plate when you're clearing. Are you kidding me? This is not a waffle house. This is not America. This is a super yacht. Darling, let's clear a maximum of two plates at a time. I don't like how it looks. No one's gonna like how it looks. Don't like how it feels. Yes, I am that bitch. I don't want to be that bitch to remind you of this,

but we're not Red Lobster. One plate by hand, that's it. How dare you diss Red Lobster's serving? My aunt used to work there. That was like the classiest restaurant I ever went to. I thought it was amazing that you could choose whatever you wanted them to murder for you from the tank. You could be like, I want that one, daddy.

And they'd just like, daddy. And then they'd murder at that. Da da! How about daddy lobster? That was the prequel for salt burn. I remember felt so privileged. And then my grandfather, my aunt would wait on this huge Lebanese family,

okay, there's like 20 of us. And then when we'd leave, and my grandfather would take the tip off the table. You thought your own daughter's tip and we'd be like, Jiddi, you can't just take the money and be like, man, she doesn't need it. Have you ever been to Chedders?

No, but why do I know that name? Do you like it? Do you bring it up a lot? Chedders. No, I went for the first time last week. I don't know, I went for the first time last week and it was like one of the worst restaurants I've ever went to in my life.

And I'm someone who is not a snob about like the Applebee's and Red Lobster's and all that. Like I love Red Lobster. Well, cheddar is like the most basic cheese other than American, right? But it could be used effectively. And I will say, first of all, a restaurant called Cheddar's is just sort of funny.

It just makes me think there's someone out there named like, like, I don't know. Someone named their child Cheddar, like, hey, Cheddar, could you go get that TV remote for me? Thank you. It's like, I'm going to make a restaurant one day, mother. You know? Cheddar. So what about Cheddar's that sucked or what? It was everything. It was awful. Everything was sweet in a way that was terrible. And you know, so like Red Lobster,

their signature thing is that they put out, you know, the Cheddar Bay Biscuits, right? The Biscuits, yeah, that's your fate. So Cheddar's, they are thing is that they put out these like sad, flat, like Pillsbury croissants and they top them with what looks like jizz. It's like a sweet glaze and it's just like having breakfast food

before you like dive into your whatever shitty cob salad. It was like literally a nightmare, a nightmare. Don't put cheddar on speaker. Sorry, sorry for everything we just did to you. You know, I'm a sucker and I would still eat there because it's called cheddar. And even though I just called it the most basic cheese, it's also the best.

I mean, it's what mac and cheese is made with and also it's just cheese in general. I don't think I could ever vote down something named cheese. That's why I'm gonna name my baby Munster, if I ever have one, Munster. Everyone's gonna love it. It's the most inoffensive, delicious cheese. I'm gonna name my child Camembert.

Ooh, I had a dream last night that I had one. Your child is gonna get his past in school, I can tell you that. No one's gonna fuck with Munster because it sounds like monster. And because everyone, it's like a fence, nobody, everybody likes it. Camembert, I want to go with Camembert.

No, I wouldn't do a Camembert. I wouldn't. I think maybe, maybe like Rockfort and people call them Rocky or, um, well, Bre is actually already a name. So there's that. So I'm not going to name anyone Bre. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. Well, let's get back to it. So now we're approaching pairs. Okay. Pruevaload. Okay. Sorry. Go on.

And, and, uh, I on. And I loved Frazier. I'm like that Frazier came back this season with this like, look at me, I've taken criticism from last season and I've come back as a joyful, fun person who's still got a steady hand, but fun. But he just can't help himself. He brings out these poached pears and goes, this is a poached pear with yet another red wine reduction.

You just can't help yourself. And I love it because you're correct. The chef is just like, okay, you know what? Lobster tail, nine times tonight. And red wine reduction. Let's just use it again. Just keep it going. Congratulations.

You now have a dessert that matches your clothing from the 80s. So, so then cat, cats do- Oh, they used trash that should have been thrown away two courses ago. So cat is now doing something at the bar. That's, and that's where Barbie is. And Barbie is still mad at cat because previously on below deck, Fraser asked Kat to clean out the pantry

and then once she was doing that, Barbie asked Kat to do something and Kat was like, I just have to do the pantry and Barbie was like so pissed. So now Barbie is like mad that Kat's in the bar and Barbie's like, I'm sorry, I just need you to like not be here for one second. There's just like where I have to be. So could you just like not be here for one second?

Thank you. And Kat's like, sorry, mom, just trying to help a rude mind. Just not saying what I could do. Nowhere understands what I'm trying to do for this boat. So, uh, yeah, she's, she's a disaster. So then, um, the chef is complaining about a lady day and, okay. So then the lady upstairs, these guests, these guests are characters.

The lady's like, all right, you know what, we should go to a bed, but let's go to the hot tub first. Let's go to the hot tub guy. And Fraser, everyone else has started to clean and get ready. So then we have a Barbie and Cat scene where Barbie and Cat have just been given orders to do things and Barbie's going cat, cat,

and then we cut to cat eating. Now we cut to cat eating about 10 times in this episode, and I'm not sure what they're trying to lead us on to cat, but we also, another running thing in this episode is we see one of the girls constantly drinking water. And I don't know if it's going to be a storyline that she's dehydrated. You never know on below deck, but they're purposely putting in tons of shots of this girl eating and another girl drinking a lot of water. It's a it's a very food and Bev

have read heavy season calling it really is showing all sides of the human experience. So so anyway, people are in the hot tub, then everyone leads except for Rebecca and and Brian, who are are the primaries and they get naked and they just start to Have sex in the hot tub and then Barbie is talking to Kyle. I'm sorry that shit is nasty Okay, and you're doing it right in front of the camera crew too. You guys are so Mast I'm sorry for whoever parents these are because you know, this is somebody's parents Okay, somebody's sitting at home having to watch their parents do this in the hot tub, grows.

And should parents be allowed to be sexy? Of course, at home, okay? So, Gruyere, please close your eyes because your parents are fucking right now. Camembert, I know one of your eyes is already swollen, shut from getting bullied at school, but shut the other one right now because mommy's embarrassing us, okay?

Okay. So Barbie goes up to Kyle and she's like, she's like, I'm pretty sure that the primers are fucking upstairs. And he's like, oh, how'd you figure that out? And she's like, well, they like kicked me out and said I can go to bed now. Clearly pocket.

And he's like, well, wouldn't you be fucking to a few run yachts and say, I promise my dad, I wasn't going to hook up on state David. I promise myself, I'm not going to hook up on state David. And guess what? I'm not hooking up on state David. I'm from a Argentina. I'm right. And so he's like, if I were on a super yacht, I'd be hooking up with that hot tub as well. And then we cut to the downstairs room. I forgot this was the boat that has the cutout where you can see the people while you're in the bed. You see the homely people fucking in the hot tub.

That is nasty. This was actually hilarious because watching these two people, it's like watching two chicken thighs go at it. I was gonna say, it's like when you put two chicken breasts into a Ziploc bag to marinate them in soy sauce. That's what it was. It was like an invisible marinade.

So they're writhing in the hot tub and then the producers are asking Barbie and Kyle about their sexual experiences and what they like. And as they are talking, we have a split screen. It'll be like Barbie and the people fucking to the right of Barbie. And then it'll be Kyle and the people fucking to the left. And they were just going just yammering. And it was hilarious because no one really cares what these two have to say.

But just the fact that they're yammering on about their sex lives. And these two people are just fucking on our screen for a minute straight. It was hilarious. So Kyle, who I'm calling Marco for half this recap, I don't know why, screen for a minute straight. It was hilarious. So Kyle, who I'm calling Marco for half this recap, I don't know why, but he's talking about how hot he is and like how all the ladies really love him. And then they cut to, to Barbie and we're supposed to be like turned on, I guess, cause there's people fucking and then we've got these like slightly

more attractive people talking about fucking. Um, but it's Barbie's not letting them get away with it. She's like, I'm not fucking that guy. They're like, but what do you think about Kyle? She's like, gross. He talks funny. And then it cuts to Kyle. He's like, I'm really good with my tongue.

One girl I gave a seizure to that. That was pretty traumatic for me. And she's like, gross. He talks funny. Hate him. Hate his accent. Is that, is that being good with your tongue? If you send someone into a seizure, I accent. Is that being good with your tongue if you send someone into a seizure?

I'm not sure that's good with your tongue. I don't know if I want to advertise that. Hey look lady, let's go back to my place and I'll tongue you so hard that you can have a seizure and have to actually go to the hospital and you may run up a medical bill. Yeah, he's like, have you ever seen somebody who's lost control of half of their body? I can do that to you permanently. Want to do it?

It's like, no, I don't. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, Barbie is sexy. She's hot. She knows she was jumping up and down in my bedroom speaking Spanish. She are being, she is troubled in. Spoiler is close. I'd love to cause that cover to area. I've done it before.

Common cold, headaches, dizzy, dizzy miss nausea. I'm here for you. What are you, the side of the road? They call me Sky Rizzy. Nothing is everything. I love that song. That's what that's for nothing. It's everything Sky Rizzy what by the way who is naming their drug sky Rizzy first of all it sounds like someone It sounds like a pop star

But like of a band from like 15 years ago, and they never were huge There was like a Ryan Cabrera level like sky Rizzy. Oh, do you remember sky Rizzy? It's a pop star from like 15 years ago and they never were huge. There was like a Ryan Cabrera level, like Sky Rizzy. Oh, do you remember Sky Rizzy? It's a pop star from like the Jersey Shore. Sky Rizzy. Sky Rizzy. It's everything. It's a really deep song, really deep.

It's a great song. I always wonder if Becky G sings that song. It seems like a Becky G song. Uh-uh. It's. Wonder. From Wondery, thisering Wondering Wondering From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

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It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crapin's commercial. Okay, so Kyle gives people the common cold when he has sex with them and he's proud of it. And so he's like, yeah, I'm hot. And then it cuts to the guest fucking moaning and I'm disgusted. So thanks guys. So in the morning, Captain and Fraser get up all cheery. And then Ben is talking to Sonny. Man, you know, Ben, I mean, this guy, what

game? He's like, So you're from Montreal, right? So you got any French food over there? You like French food? She's like, Yeah, we have poutine. He's like, Oh, yeah, it's chips with gravy. She goes, yeah, well, cheese curds, which by the way, cheese curd is Cheddar's brother. So Fraser then sees the breakfast tablescape. He's like, I absolutely love this tablescape. It's not stupid at all.

All right, I need to organize something to go to the beach. And Zandi, would you be interested in going on a kayak excursion? Adventure! Adventure, I guess. And she's like, oh my God, I can't believe you would think of me for this.

I would do it, yeah, so sure. But then she's telling us, I don't go into the sun. I'm fucking twilight and transparent. I don't need sun or human contact, ever. So then Jared's talking to Captain Kerry and he's like, yeah, so my plan is I just want to like clean the areas that the guests can see first and then I'll like set up toys and then I'll like go around do like a spot check just real quickly

the big heavy thing that's on the chain what's that called again? Inka. Right, thanks man. When's the part where you're gonna take out the thing that goes round and round until we start flying? It's a helicopter mate. Right, man. Whence apart where you're going to take out the thing that goes round and round until we start flying? It's a helicopter, mate. Right. Got it. Got it. By the way, your head's on backwards there, mate. Got it, mate. Oh, is it?

Oh, man, caught again. Good. So, now we see Cat eating chips in the mess. And Barbie is dancing in her bathroom. Literally, they just keep cutting the cat eating chips in the mess and Barbie is dancing in her bathroom. Literally, they just keep cutting the cat eating things. I don't know why I think it's so funny. And I feel like they're doing it to her and I don't feel like she's like binging or anything.

They're not cutting to her like, oh! But they're just obsessed with making the storyline about cat eating. I don't know what it is, but I can't wait to find out where they're leading because I'm already like kind of disturbed, but also loving it. I'm also loving Carrie's espresso journey.

So in the first episode, we saw him drinking out of a mug that had a dinosaur on it, which I thought was cute. And that was a captain Lee's whole thing was that he was always, he always had like a mug of coffee. And I think that someone told Carrie like, listen, we love your dinosaur mug, but that's kind of captain Lee's thing to have coffee.

He's like, no problem, I can switch it up. So now he's at like a Keurig and he has like a little espresso with a little orange espresso cup. And I swear to God, I saw him with that espresso cup like four other times this episode. He was like down, I'm more like the naughty boys, I'm like the swim platforms and he was literally holding the espresso cup.

I was like, he's really into this espresso. He loves it. It's an adventure. So then Frasier is getting this beach picnic together. And then we cut to my other favorite storyline for the episode, Zandi drinking a lot of water. They just, they'll be like, dun dun dun dun, salmon, salmon, making salmon,

the boat love Sam and, yeah pocket car for Sam. And then the music just stops and it's Zandy like, buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh buh. Sam and Sam and loving Sam. It's like, okay. I mean, they do it like 10 times. I'm not sure what it is,

but I feel like the secret plot is Zandy has too much sodium. I would be into that. The secret story. I'm into like a relatable story. Like anybody mad that their coffee intake is causing high blood pressure? Let's talk about that.

How about that, Bravo? Where's my representation? So the guests sit at the table and Rebecca's like, huh, definitely got out of the pool naked last night. And they're like, what? Don't you mean the hot tub, you stupid bitch? Go to hot tub, let's get your vessels right. And they're like, yeah, I guess it's the hot tub.

And they're like, do you have sex in the hot tub? You mean the pool? Wait, what are we talking about? Pools or hot tubs? Talking about hot tubs, you bitch. Shut up, you bitch. That's what are we talking about? Pools or hot tubs? Talking about hot tubs, you bitch. Shut up, you bitch. That's not what I'm thinking. To fuck in the community hot tub is one thing.

But then to come like brag about it because nobody's asked you about it. So you have to like announce to the table that you fucked in the, you're just gross. You know what I mean? You're like a sperm litterer who brags. Sperm litter, sperm litter. You're just littering your sperm. That is a community place. Fuck somewhere else. I don't wanna swim in your calm.

That is disgusting. It's truly though. People are monsters. No, I agree. I'm not horrified. I'm just, I still like the idea of like sperm litterer, which honestly could describe about 95% of men. Well, yeah.

Sperm. Well, that's definitely another show, but for sure. Okay, so Ben gives Jared some bags. Okay, okay, so Ben comes over and he's like, all right, Jared, these Beckpicks, you've got to take on the kayaks for the things. There's got drinks for them. He's like, yeah, yeah, all right.

So I've got to put them on the mountain that we're going to be putting on the tracks to go to the lake. Sorry. This is Mad Libs. I went something. Wait, so we're going to a DMB concert after this, right? God, I hope he plays crash. So then we see Kyle cleaning the hot tub

and Sunny is then talking, Sunny is now talking to Jared. She's like, so what's the plan? Have you tried Boutine before? And he's like, all right, I think the guy, I think the bald guy with the espresso cups had something about driving a rib. Does that make sense, a rib?

Is there such a thing as a rib? Did he mean a jib? Or did you talk about MTV Cribs? I love that show, man. Have you seen it? I don't know. That one was epic. Oh my God, or the hot tub.

Oh, remember with one with exhibit? Oh no, that was Pimp My Ride. I love that show. You like Pimp My Ride also? I literally loved Pimp My Ride. What a show. That was one of the best shows. I loved it.

How do they not have that on still? That was so good. They would just take cars and they would like, they would just like redo the cars to be, um, oh my God, they would feel like, oh, my party car. Like, yeah, we put velvet carpet in, we put shag rug carpeting in there and a disco ball and a bar. It's like, oh my God, thanks. My Volkswagen bug has never been more fun. Maybe I'll take my Kia to West Coast Customs and get it pimped out.

Pimp it, Ben. Pimpin' Kia eatin' salmon. Okay, so then, let's see, where am I now? Guest tenders take off. Jared is fuckin' up. Jared's fuckin' up. Ben goes to bed. Then we go to do some kayaking stuff

and Barbie's complaining to Frazier back at the boat. She's like, you know what Barbie? That cat girl is like really slow. And then it cuts the cat like moving extremely slowly while like a little thought bubble pops up of her head of her eating a tiny cookie or something. I can't believe they put a shot in the cat where she wasn't eating something.

I would love a tiny cookie right now. So Fra Fraser, by the way, so there are two, three things happening right now. Most of the guests are going on an adventure to go kayak near some mangroves. And then there's two guests that are still on the boat. And then Fraser is going to be setting up a beach picnic for later. So before he goes on his beach picnic, he pulls Kat to the side and he's saying that, oh, actually, no, it's not right now, sorry. But he's basically, oh yeah, he does. He pulls to the side and he says, listen, listen, I'm going to go to the beach setup.

And while I'm off the boat, I want you and Bobby to be on top of the extra diligent about everything on this boat. Make sure you know exactly what is happening at all times. Which Kat hears as, you're the boss now, so go boss Barbie around. Cause two of the guests have been left on the boat. So it's like, don't just ignore the guests. Like you guys have to make sure

that someone is attending to the guests. She's like, got it. So Barbie works for me now. Okay, perfect. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha basically complains to Fraser about her and he's like, okay, you know what, I'll give her a sense of urgency. In other words, I'm gonna gift her the gift of my ankle halfway up her cone hole because I'm that bitch today, I'm that bitch. So then Captain and Sunny realized that there's no drinks

and they're all the way at the kayak excursion and the captain's like, world is for us all I'm concerned. This is a stewardess screw up. Woo. My favorite thing on Below Deck is when they leave a bag on the boat and they go on an excursion. And it's like that moment of stress of like, how are they gonna fix it?

So, they're gonna take a bag. I just don't think I could ever work in production because these producers are heartless monsters. I mean, they're, they just, they keep making close-ups of the bag and they don't tell anybody, hey, you forgot your bag. I mean, they're, they just, they keep making close-ups of the bag and they don't tell anybody, Hey, you forgot your bag. Like, hello. It's not more heartless than the, the producers on the amazing race.

Cause I'll tell you, one of my favorite things on the amazing race is when you got two dum-dums trying to find the clue box that's there in the middle of a public square with a red and yellow ribbon on it. And the people are walking all around it like, I can't find it. I can't find it. And the camera always always pans over just looks and just zooms in on it I'm like listen you idiots look at your cameraman he is literally filming the box right now to highlight how dumb you are yeah so yeah heartless heartless people so then the captain radio radio's

phrase are about it and he's like, Oh, you forgot refreshments. I believe that's an interior job. And he's like, I'll give it to him this morning to give. So it's my mistake for trusting Ben. I thought it was done. This is fucked. I look like an idiot because Ben didn't do what I asked him to stupidly. I trusted someone to facilitate my own job. That mistake will not be happening again. I will never trust someone who flat irons the hair ever again in my life.

Ben Ben Fraser, Ben Ben Fraser, this is a British person calling upon you with disdain in his voice. Do you hear me? The captain said, I didn't give refreshments. Does that sound fishy to you? He's like, wait, but I've been on break and I told Jared to do it.

Did he know? So Ben, in his defense, Ben has a reaction that you want where he gets up and runs to. That's what I need. Whenever I'm like something was forgotten, I want to see someone be like, oh my God, I'm gonna run.

Oh my, this is the worst thing that's ever happened. I don't care if you really think that, but I need you to pretend, you know? And I like that Ben does that. So that's a point for Ben. And to be fair, Ben did tell Jared, so Ben is absolved. So late the... Except on the other hand, now that you said something nice about Ben, I have to counter it because I don't know, it's what we do. But Ben also should know better than to tell Jared, because he is the first one to sound

that Jared is an idiot alarm. So if Jared's such an idiot, where are you trusting him with bags, which you know are always forgotten before beach pig bags? So. Why didn't Ben just put the bags in the boat? So then anyway, Ben is now asking Jared. He's like, by the way,

did you put the black bags in the thing, in the thing to go to the guest? And he's like, by the way, did you put the black bags in the thing, in the thing to go to the guest? And he's like, to go kayaking? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally did it. Yeah, bags. I was saying you didn't have the bags in there. Yeah, I remember doing it. I remember holding the handles of the bag,

and then putting the bags into the, well, it says you don't have it. But I did it, I totally remember doing it. But it was where I'm a daughter. Yeah, I took the bags and I opened up the top and I put it in and then when we were playing the song, it sounded weird because there was a bag in it. I'm not talking about putting the bags in a piano.

I'm talking about putting the bags in the boat. Boats are not pianos. Oh, bro. Yeah, I put the bags in the piano. I did, I did do that. Yeah, they're in the hot tub. Hot tub? Yeah. Until they leave. that. Yeah, they're in the hot tub. Hot tub, yeah. Until they leave.

Just wanna make sure their luggage is safe. Not their luggage. You don't put luggage in hot tub. I don't even have, wait a second, I just realized, we don't even have a piano on this, but what are you even talking about? I think I meant the hot tub. Let me tell you this, I know this much.

That luggage has sperm on it now. That's all I know. It was really funny. So, um, That leg is just sperm on it now. That was all I know. It was really funny. So anyway, then Kerry, or Jared, he's basically saying, like, oh, I was diagnosed with ADHD. How are we here? Hey, I was, hey, guys, you're safe in my hands. But just so you know, I was diagnosed with ADHD. How are we here? Hey, I was, hey guys, you're safe in my hands. But just so you know, I was diagnosed with ADHD

and I didn't really, I didn't really give the medications a chance to work, which is my way of saying I chose not to take my medications, but I'm gonna blame it on the medications not working. And I didn't give them a chance to work. I didn't put them in my mouth and swallow them. So when stress comes, I'm a little bit like, whoa, squirrel, squirrel.

But like, don't worry. I know we're on a boat in the middle of the seas. He feels safe in my hands. Yeah. This is not a very reassuring sir. Um, and Fraser is talking to his favorite character himself, my favorite character himself, but he's just muttering to himself. I love those conversations.

He just walks away. He's like, it's going to be a rough season. So now the guests finally get their beers, they go on their kayak excursion, it's beautiful shots, really made me wanna leave my house. JK, never would. Michelle and Lee are some ladies on the show

and they're talking about like, they're the ones that are back on the boat. And one of them's like, do you think the bar up here is stocked? And one of them's like, now I just, I don't even know how to summon, but we need to do that because I need some beer. Or sperm, which is still all over the side of that hot tub.

Someone missed that. But. Ha ha ha ha ha. Cat cat freezer. Cat cat freezer. And it cuts the cat eating a sandwich in her bedroom. She's like eating a chocolate croissant or something. And this time she's like kind of hiding, right?

It looks like she's like hiding in the bed trying to eat. So I'm like, oh no, are they hinting that cat has like some kind of disorder or something that makes it darker, you know? Which of course I don't wanna see. But- I did not take that at all. I was like, she's just trying to hide away from doing work.

So- Well, I'm eating disorder. So I see everything. That's what you said. I guess I see everything like that, so I see everything. That's what you say. I guess I see everything like that, but I just see Kat always hiding with food now. Well, I mean, she is. I mean, because usually if you're trying to eat food

on a yacht, you have to hide because you get someone who comes by and says, an old phrase about if you got time to lean, you got time to clean. Oh yeah, that's a good one. I love eating chocolate croissants when nobody can see me though too. I think that's like the best way to eat them

because I feel like when you eat them in public, you have to eat them like this. Like you take off a bite and then you eat like quote unquote normally. Whereas when you're home, you can order them from the grocery store in a bin thing and then you can just put a whole one in your mouth like a Pac-Man,

but it's like square croissants with chocolate in the middle. That's how I like that. I'm so mad because I wanted to get a chocolate croissant this morning, and I didn't. I would literally murder someone's pet for a chocolate croissant. I want a chocolate croissant so bad. It's all I think about. I want one.

I am actually, like we have to like finish this podcast in 10 minutes because the local place that sells really good chocolate croissants is going to close in 10 minutes. And now it's like, sorry, like blowdeck is important, but a chocolate croissant is more important. So anyway, they're on a boat and then they, everyone was happy. They got a tip. Bye. Yeah. And high school, we had to go see like a counselor and they would tell us, you know,

what our ideal job would be. And every time they asked me my goals, I would just say chocolate croissant. And you know what? I stick to it that to this day. This is just my goal. Yeah, I want to talk to Chris on hungry. I am starving. And I want to this girl is hiding the chocolate croissant, basically. I don't blame her.

So he goes and he finds her and and this is where he's like, I want you to be very, very conscious about what's going on on the boat. And again, she's, she hears you are from Southern California and therefore you actually own Barbie now. She is yours. When what he was really saying was stop fucking hiding while you're eating your food. I know what you're doing. I need you to be conscious of the bow. But you're aware as you do your, what you're doing. I need you to be conscious of the bow.

But she's like, what the box? Be aware. As you do your tasks, pay attention to things around you. Don't get tunnel vision. That's what he's saying, right? Yes. So then, and stop hiding with food. Like, because it's obvious, because she's like, oh my, what?

And then she comes back with shit on her teeth every time. You know it. So now we cut to Anthony. Anthony doing squats squats and who's Anthony I don't stress remember we named stress Anthony no yeah the chef yeah so then the cat cat is trying to radio Barbie man cuz she's the boss and Barbara said go for Barbie I said go for Barbie, Barbie Cat, Barbie, Barbie Cat. Go, go ahead, go. Barbie, Barbie Cat, Barbie, Barbie, Barbie, on your walkie.

For Barbie, go for Barbie. Barbie, Barbie Cat. Oh, for fuck's sake. Barbie, Barbie Cat, Barbie, Barbie Cat, are you on your walkie? Are you on your walkie? Are you on the radio? And she goes, yes, I said go for Barbie twice. And she's like, oh yeah, I didn't hear that.

Okay, well, I'm heading out, but I'll be intermittently checking on the guests and there's two up there, but they're going to be staying on the boat. Okay. Barbie's like, cool. Uh, okay. So, okay. And then Barbie goes, okay. So you got that, right?

And she's like, well, yeah, I mean, basically Frasier just wants us to see that they're okay, but I mean, I guess it's just, so you got that, right? You're gonna do that, right? So you're gonna do that, right? I guess? I guess, yeah. I have a question, are you gonna do that or is the chocolate croissant

that's hanging off your lip gonna do that because that's what I'm seeing right now? Let me tell you who's not checking on the guests. His name is Pan, a chocolate. Okay? He might be checking on them a. His name is Pan, a chocolat. Okay. He might be checking on them a little more if he still had a head. But unfortunately, it's been eaten off.

There's been some pano chocolat murder and it looks like you're suspect number one. So stop doing that pretend limp. Crisatzose. So, um, Fr... Crisatzose. Oh my God. So, um,

I'm telling you, feed me a chocolate croissant. It's just going to get worse. Okay. So Fraser now arrives at the beach setup, which Kyle and Ben have done. So of course it looks ridiculous. And Fraser's like, this whole setup is horrific. And then a cousin saying, guys, this is really cool. Yeah. It's a blanket on the ground or a sheet on the ground with giant seashells to hold it down. And he's like, it looks horrific.

However, Kyle looks like a rocket farmer and my crops need cutting. You phrase a slaying. Show me your sickle and I'll give you my wheat. So Barbie, Barbie then goes and asks Captain Kerry where he's from. They're down in the crew mess and Kerry like, well, I'm from Southeast Asia. So officially I'm Asian American. And Barbie's like, you're from Asia. He goes, well, I mean, that's where Australia is. Did he say that Australia was in Asia? Did he actually say that? Or did I miss here?

Yeah, she said Southeast Asia and he said Australia. And she's like, I literally don't know anything. So he's like, it's called geography. You can't claim Asia if you're in Australia. There are two different continents, right? Am I crazy? I do. Maybe I misheard it because it seemed like he was saying that because he's from

Australia, he was there for Southeast Asian and that something seemed. I think that is what he was saying. Let me see. Australia is a separate continent distinct from Asia. However, the relationship between the two is more nuanced than it appears. It's its own continent situated in the region known as Oceana.

But if we're talking about proximity, it's much closer to Asia. Maybe there's a situation like there's like a sort of a Southeast Asian island that like, it's like an Australian territory. I don't, I don't know. I was just so damn, I was dang confused by it. So it carries like, yeah, it's just geography, geography, known as the most adventurous of

the sub job of the sciences. And Barbie's like, wow, I couldn't even tell you where we are right now. I'm dumb. And he's like, well, let me show you young lady. Went all the way to Australia, went straight to Victoria, which is British Columbia. She's like, wait a second, Britain or Columbia? I don't understand how that works.

My dad's smart, but I'm stupid. He's like, all right, well, this was fun for a second, but you're scaring me now, girl. Cross-sig. Is this the Bermuda triangle? It's like, no, you're just pointing at the Keurig machine. Oh, so she's like doing this whole, like, I don't understand things, but then the moment that cat shows up, she's like, Hey, Barbie. What?

Have you done any of the room checks? Barbie hates her guys. She's like, what do you want? It's learning with the captain. She goes, have you done any of the room checks? Just what do you mean by room checks? Like towels or anything? And by the way, Kat happens to be folding a big giant towel.

So she's like, look at me doing towel things. Have you done towel things today? And so, you know what else you have to fold like that. Puff pastry croissant. So make themselves 20 times over a pizza chocolate. So then the captain's like, Oh, go ahead, Bob, do do something that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to do with the one of one or the both of you both the end of the season. Take out the trash. She goes, well, actually I am doing something. I'm taking out the trash. So.

So. So, then she's like, so I'd like, she's like, she says something about like there's like this secret cabinet or whatever. Or Kat says, Kat says, Fraser wanted me to know what's going on at all times. And she goes, okay. And Kat's like, I don't know's going on at all times. And she was okay.

And cats like, I don't know why she's giving me attitude. And then Barbie's like, this girl is not my boss. Basically, fuck this girl. And I know Frazier is not putting this idiot in charge of me. So then she's like, oh really? But do you know how to open the secret drawer in the cabin? Barbie's like, fine, you can show me this magical closet.

Kat's like, Barbie's giving me Regina George vibe. It's funny cause Barbie goes, she's really like the type of girl who read a burn book. And then Kat's like, yeah, she's giving me Regina George vibe. And like, I love mean girls, but fuck that girl. So they're both accusing each other of being in mean girls. Yeah. Mean girls having quite a moment on Bravo.

So Barbie is over her cats over her. And then Kat goes, okay, well, here's the thing. Um, they expect us to be working. She goes, I am working. She goes, Oh, right. But you know, like making the boat look nice and stuff. That kind of work. And Barbie's like, she's just starting at her.

Like is, is slady. Come getting real. I will fucking kill her. I will out kill her. I will outlaw her from Coca-Cola. Yeah, I will ban her from ever drinking another Coke again. And that includes the entire family of products, okay? You want Fanta? Guess what?

You're banned. Aquafina, Aquanono. I wish I knew more of their products. So Fraser is, I'm like, I know they have a lot, but I don't know anymore. I know, I went to like the least, the least amount of taste and everything right off the bat. I didn't really leave us a lot of room.

It's okay. So Fraser is annoying and he's like, I'm not, Fraser is annoyed that Cary, he thinks that Cary doesn't like him basically or thinks that he's like, I'm not, Fraser is annoyed that Kerry, he thinks that Kerry doesn't like him basically or thinks that he's like a disaster. So he's really annoyed about that. It's like, it's a shame that we have to work with stupidity. So Ben, then Ben is annoyed too.

And he's like, Jared's not worked on Big Bear in a long time. And I think he's missing the mark on so many things. Did you see before he tried to connect a handle to a handle? I mean, why did you talk about this? How can you connect a handle to a handle. I mean, why do you want to talk about this? How can you connect a handle with a handle? Marat. Marat.

Now we're at the beach picnic and Fraser and Cat are working and he's like, so darling, my girl, one of my girls, darling face, little girl, girl, have a things going, darling. And she's like, I'm not well, I'm not feeling very respected. To be honest, he's like, by who then? A Barbie because, well, you know, how you told me to talk to her and figure things out about, well, you know, the things with our doing our tasks. When you're gone, gone to the beach, the beach that we're on right now, right now.

They've been on this beach. I love when he just like says one word that she just says and says it back at her accusingly. Yes. Well, remember when you made me the, um, the Lord mistress of the entire yacht before, so everyone has to do what I say on the yacht. Hmm, I didn't remember that. No, remember when you said this yacht is yours now and you can

redecorate how you want. We're going to call it the SS cat. I don't remember that cat. Remember when you literally called me the queen of the north and then told me to murder John Snow so he wouldn't try to fuck with me again. Actually, no. No, that literally you're a different franchise now darling. I need you to come back here to blow deck.

Let me tell you one thing they didn't have on Game of Thrones. Croissant. Actually, you're incorrect. Remember when they used to call me Mother of Croissants? No, no, that was dragons. Dragons are not croissants. I'm pretty sure dragons are croissants. No.

Then how did I just eat one while I was hiding in my bedroom? I mean... Do you remember when I rode that croissant into King's Landing and just destroyed it all with my croissant breath? Alright, now we're going to spoil the territory, alright? Not all of us have Max. No, my croissants last actually a few days so they're not spoiled. So she's like, yeah, remember when you made me the boss of the world and called me Bill Gates and he's like, no. And she's like, well, guess what? Barbie doesn't respect it.

You should fire her. She's not respectful. And she's like, um, it's better to just say how you feel because like it's affecting me emotionally. Oh, fuck off. I mean, I swear to God and get out of here. say how you feel because like it's affecting me emotionally. Oh, fuck off. I mean, I swear to God, get out of here. You're one of the most gorgeous places in the world.

And I don't want to hear about your emotions. Shut up. You ain't seen nothing yet. This Barbies an emotional terrorist. I can tell you this right now. And if you can't have a list, it's very stressful being at an island, an island where grenades are made. I mean, listen, Granada's a very dangerous place.

So he's like, okay, well, I'm listening. I just want you to know, Kat, I'm listening to you and we're gonna work on this. You have my full support, you dumb, dumb, twit. So now the guests come to the beach picnic and the chef asks Frazier to serve because he has to he wants to only be like three hours late for dinner tonight so he wants to get started so he goes back and Ben is serving as well there so Xanthe gets a little sunburn she's like this is why I hate humans I am boned at steak like which

it's terrible so now Barbie's setting up for Miami night on the boat and she's like, I'm from Miami by the way, plot twist. I know I'm Argentinian, but I'm actually from Miami and we're gonna do Miami night and I'm excited because my first time showing what my favorite thing to do is, which is the yellow cat. Oh, so fun. But I also like to decorate. I actually went to school in Argentina for interior design.

So yeah, you're gonna see all my magic tonight because I love aesthetics. We all know that. That's why I tattooed my eyebrows on. design. So yeah, you're going to see all my magic tonight because I love aesthetics. We all know that. That's why I tattooed my eyebrows on. It's like, oh, yeah, I forgot. Okay. So then we go to the wacky gas. One of them falls off the little boat when they're coming back to the big boat. And then Ben and Fraser are back on the beach cleaning up and Ben's like, so I saw you have a lengthy conversation with Ketrod over there, what happened there? And he's like, oh, well,

I think she's might be finding it rough to take criticism from Barbie. He's like, ooh, I can't wait to use this information. Now, Fraser definitely fell into a trap here. He should not have gossiped about his department to Ben because Ben is, even though he knows Ben and I think he confused his, his history to Ben, because Ben is, even though he knows Ben, and I think he confused his, his history with Ben as actually being something he could do, but the truth is that like, Ben is not the head of department of his area. So he really, I feel like, I feel like heads of departments

can only gossip to other heads of departments, you know? But what you don't do is you don't, you don't gossip to people who are like underlings. And that's what he did. And he felt it. So bad. Like in the, you know, comparing it to other times we've seen this happen, this wasn't so bad. He just, right.

He did gossip. But he was like, well, you know, I didn't think that she likes hearing being bossed around or whatever. It wasn't like one of the normal ones like, well, she was talking shit about that bitch, Barbie, you know, which is kind of, which happened on, but too mad. Quite a bit last time, but yeah, not good, not good. So now, but the guests are heading back to the boat

and Anthony is discussing, he's talking about his meal for tonight. He's like, oh, tonight he's going to be Latino vibe. I always love, you know, Latin vibe. At 21, I opened my first restaurant called the Panama, you know, like the town, the town of Panama. Like, yeah, sure. It's a town or country. That's fine It's a guess we love fung fuzia with South America in a Miami vibe So I tried to bring my me by it's in my own town of Nancy France

I'm like why do I I've just gave this sense that the people of Nancy France hated this restaurant Yeah They're like, what? Miami? Yeah. No one wants to eat. Yeah, his pitch was a little weird. Oh, it's Latin night.

I love Latin vibe. I opened the restaurant in a trash can on the beach in a firestorm in Oklahoma. Like, wait, what? Yes, Latin. It's like, uh, I feel like I'm missing some info. I feel like you've given me a lot of information, but I'm still missing most of it. That makes sense.

I know. So Barbie's decorating and everything. And then Ben goes, goes right up to Barbie and goes, hey, how you doing? By the way, I heard something from Kat. And she goes, really? Kat said something to you? Did you talk about that secret compartment

like I'm over it already? She wasn't very happy with you and all I can say that. She's got, I thought one of, I said, did she knock out one of your teeth? And she said, no, why? It's cause she had a bit of chocolate covering one of her teeth and it looked like she was, she was an old Western something.

Yeah. Have you, I've never seen someone have so much flaky pastry coming around their lips. And she's like, okay, well, today she came up to me and she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm working. And she was like, you're supposed to be working. But I was like, but I am working.

And he goes, yeah, she hates you. So then Fraser comes up to her. And by the way, they don't just gossip. He's like, this girl hates you. And she's like, okay, let's sit down in guest chairs and talk about it. So they like sit down, like they're having a glass of wine. And then Fraser comes up and he's like, Bobby.

And she's like, oh yeah, do you like the table? Because I do, but I'm not seeing folks or anything. You know what I'm saying? Oh yeah, I was about to do that. But by the way, Ben just came up and said that Katra said all this shit about me. And he's like, well, why is he meddling? Cause no, she's meddling. He goes, no, I know him.

He just spent the whole day watching us. Fucking hell. So it's like a, a, a phraser can call it because he knows exactly what Ben is doing. And I think this is very spot-on. He says, I don't know what Ben's plan is here, but I'm guessing he gets attention from it. He gets a girl to be like, what do you mean? And then that's attention he so desires. Ben, can I ask one thing of you?

Please don't get involved in interior drama because it's just that you've riled her up now and now I have to deal with it. And she's fiery, you know, that her up now and now I have to deal with it and she's fiery you know that Coca-Cola money really leads to hot personalities. And so Ben kind of laughs it off he's like alright sorry about that and so he's on Fraser's bad side now right yeah so Fraser walks off muttering to my favorite character himself. And he's like, he's been f*****g from League of Monkos alone. Mother f*****g. So, now the guests are getting ready for dinner and, um, then Jared walks up to Kerry and goes,

hey man, like, how red am I? Look at me. I'm like your t-shirt. Remember your big red t-shirt from last night? We totally bonded over that. Remember that? Andari's like, oh yeah. Well, it's that backwards hat, mate. Don't think I'm not watching. It's like, oh, damn it. It's like you can't throw it backwards too. How are they? Oh, shit, that explains why I couldn't piss earlier. That was awkward.

We also caught you throwing a ham at the walls. Don't know why you're doing that. I actually don't know either. I thought it was a tennis ball. This dude doesn't make it any better. All right. So then Barbie is talking to Sunny and she's like, so you see anyone you fancy on board?

And he goes, no. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'll pretend you said, yeah, we're doing fun girl talk. Yeah, me too Ben is like the best but I'd have to shave his head Yeah, I thought it was really funny because they're talking about hot guys and they both agree that no one's hot But then they keep cutting to Kyle shirtless Being like I got a sunburned. I'm a son is burned

It's burned me and they keep showing him and his butt crack, like they're talking about him being sexy, but they're like, no, everyone's gross on this. They are, yeah, they're trying really hard to make us really think that Kyle and Ben are hot, but like, they're just not doing it for me, not doing it for me. Yeah, guys, we have eyes and ears

and general Instincts for sauce. Yeah for sauce so Now they're setting now it's time for for dinner So the guests take their seats the food all comes out on time which is shocking And we have lots of things like Venezuelan chicken arrepas and there was something else that that looked delicious Everyone loves it the food is a big hit and Of course, one of the ladies is like, oh, they had to put something in our mouths to shut us up.

I have a ball gag in my bag, should I get it? I mean, well, Zandi has like a sunburn on her leg and Fraser's like, you are fucking amazing, you little vampire. Now go down and get some aloe vera. There's aloe vera in the toiletry cupboard bathing it bathing it bitch normally i would be excited to put this on me but it is named aloe vera and vera is also name of person and i hate people

so she goes to bed and then we see her listening to a gruesome murder podcast it's like the top 10 most gruesome American murders, which I liked that she's specifically listening to. I love people I like are the dead ones. I love a feel good story. So now Ben and Kyle are hanging out and Kyle is like, Oh, I don't think I've had a chick in eight years. And Kyle's like, yeah.

And I guess he's been single for a minute. I don't know. I don't think I've had a chick in eight years. And cause like, yeah. And I guess he's been single for a minute. I don't know. I don't care. He's been single. And then Jared gives us some classic below deck bocin backstory. He's like, Yeah, man. Oh, I actually got engaged and I separated from the mother of my daughter. She was my first real love. We worked together for quite a while, shared cabins and all that. And then she wants to go to school in Italy and I kind of knew dude, that was gonna be the last time I saw her,

especially when she said, how many fucking times have I gotta tell you? Getting knocked up by you is the biggest mistake of my life, get out of my cabin. No, the lady that he had the baby with, I think is in Alaska or that's where his kid is. He said he was never gonna love again after the mother of his child. But then he met this lady. But

then she decided to go to school in Italy and I was like, bro, what are you falling in love with 18 year olds because that's so that's so that guy though, right? Yeah, we've been on a boat one time and then she decided to go wait for it. College, disgusting. But you know what? When you love somebody, you gotta let them go so they can flourish and hopefully, I don't know,

make a living and help you raise your daughter. You don't see that much because honestly it's cold as a witch's tit where she lives and like, why would I go there? What was I talking about? So everyone's going to bed and stuff. And cat, cat goes up to Barbie and goes, okay. So like once I finished this task, like, well,

we can just like tag team on like the stuff we have to do tonight. And Barbie's like, okay, you can literally pick whatever the hell you want. Just pick whatever the hell you want. Just pick whatever the hell you want. And let me add a little to that just to show you how much I hate your fucking face. Stupid face.

And as she walks off, she goes, Barbie. And she goes literally curious what she does all day. I can't wait to. But you know what was funny? Is that earlier Barbie's complaining about this. But earlier when Barbie was talking to Ben about like, when Ben was like, oh, he that cats not happy with you. She goes, yeah, like earlier I was schmoozing with the captain because I

worked like crazy today before. So she's like saying she's basically implying I worked hard the day before. So I like earned the right to be lazy today and schmooze with the captain. So now, and then she's complaining about Kat not doing her work. Yeah, I think they're both in that we should hate each other because we're both below dex dues, but they're, yeah, they're both just kinda grasping. So then Kyle is on the bridge, you know, watching

and he's like, oh, okay, is it cloudy? And what is my visibility like here? Murder. Look, Murder. And then it's 1.15 a.m. which is important because now you know what time it is before we then go to the morning and it's 6 a.m. so there we go another unnecessary time stamp in the middle of everything. Yeah, I guess it's to see like wow they were vacuuming till 1.15.

But now it's 6.05 in the morning, and everybody's getting up, and the captain has Zambie how she is, and she's like, like a baby, or how she slept, and she says, like a baby. And he's like, I think it's hilarious when people say that, because when you have a baby, and you say, I don't wanna sleep like a baby,

they barely sleep. Let me tell you, I wanna sleep like someone on an adventure. Do you wanna hear an adventure about children? Here we go. My kids are the best kids in the world. My son is 13, my daughter's 11. They both can chug five beers in 13 minutes and pricks. My son is a huge character, big heart.

He's like his dad, he's very, very sensitive. My daughter, she's an absolute firecracker. Also, she loves throwing firecrackers at little animals. We have a close bond adventure. Well, when my kids were young, I'd go on to a plane. I'd apologize on a flight and I'd buy people drinks and say, I'm sorry for what's about to happen to you. You know, and they, and they all say it's all right. We have small kids. I said, no,

it's not about the kids. I also brought a kangaroo. What could's child rearing if it's an old adventure. Yeah, they would get people drinks, you know, and then Zendy is like, I'm so pretty. Every time I, every time I get on a flight, I consider maybe getting on birth control. So then Barbie, big shocker guys, she brought custom sheets that do not fit her bed. So then she tries to pawn them off on Sunny, which I don't know if this thing has a bigger, smaller bed. I don't really.

Yeah, what was this? Cause she was like, by the way, my sheets don't fit my bed. Yeah. And they're like the softest sheets too. So I was going to ask, like, do you want some nice sheets? Like what? to sheets too. So I was going to ask, like, do you want some nice sheets? What? The son is like, wow, love that for me. Thanks for the charity.

Don't fit. Yeah. Weird. Great. I'll just take on your useless sheets and make my luggage even heavier. So now the guests are having breakfast and Jared is showing semi how to do a nod or a not. Sorry, he's like, you do this when you want something. You say like this. I'm sorry, I meant to say you're not. But we don't call it a not, okay?

Just because like I really think that people are like idiots. So I'm gonna teach it to you this way. It's called a cheat code. Okay, if you tie it like this, the boat will stay here. It's called a knot, dude, okay? So then Karrie's like, all right, everyone who wants to have an adventure meeting. All right, so guess what?

Stern lines, starboard distances, I need to know a distance, I need to know my lines, I need to keep my eyes on you. Is that fender, starboard distances, stern lines, stern distances, boats, hulls, keels, anchors. All right, does everyone understand that? Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz if I came off eggy earlier. She goes, yeah, well, I know how I come off. It's hard. And you know what? Maybe if you talk to me instead of other people about me, that would be the best thing for you.

You understand? Because you're basically poor and I'm rich. And rich people hear things. So you might want to think of that next time you start talking shit about Coca-Cola-Rita, which is what they call me, because I'm like the princess of Coca-Cola. So try to get a bitch.

Yeah, because someone did come up to me and say, hey, that real eggy girl was upset. So I was like, which one? The one who looks like a broken custard. You mean cat? And they're like, yeah, I was like, you're right. She is eggy, but she's like bat eggy in a way that you can't even, you have to throw it out

in the trash and start over. Am I right? Are we talking about the same girl that needs to be between a fucking McMuffin to be palatable? We're talking about the same girl that people often cook too quickly when they make their scrambles and you're like, eww, this is crumbly and stupid.

She's like, the only person who could have told anybody about that would be Fraser. So that's fucking shocking. And Barbie's like, yeah, so any complaints about my person, I'm all ears. I'm just like, okay. So now it's time to dock, okay? Get to docking, Granada.

So, Carrie's like, all right, dick crew, game on, it's time to have an adventure in the port. We're coming on in, let's key to serious music. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. I'll in, let's key to serious music. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. I'll do the music, don't you worry. Dun dun dun dun. So he's like, all right, stern dances, distance to stern. That's what I need, someone call it, wine guys.

And Kyle's just like staring out over the water. Say your distance, say your distance. I need a distance. Someone give me a distance. No one's talking. They make it look like everyone's just fishing, like just waiting for a fish to bite, just staring kind of over at the water.

And then it'll cut to Jared every once in a while. He's like, all right, five meters, no, no, three feet. Now, seven sticks of trident. No! Half a block. First and foremost, this is a big red boot, not Trident. So get it right. Second of all, I don't know where we are.

I'm gonna have to run around. I'll be like, I need you to know my stern distance. Cause guess what? I'm a stern man looking for stern distance to help a motherfucker out once in a while. All right, six Peters. Did you mean me just mate? No, no.

I knew this guy named Peter. It's like as long as him, but like six. Mate. Oh, fuck's sake. So, Spender's coming out and Kerry's like, oh, I'm in trouble. And everything looks dangerous. There's a lot of rotate, rotate, rotate.

Call her to pull up major. She has pulled me into, she has pulled me into slimes. This one is not looking good. It was looking very scary. And he's like, oh, I'm a big dick away from bailing on this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Okay, and I have many B lovers. Okay, you know what? Do you see how many babies that queen has? Okay, it didn't happen with one tiny little dick, okay? And I'm starting to be that B, but I am that B, so. So then everybody's in trouble.

So the guests leave and they compliment the food, love the table scapes, and then they've brought not only a tip, but baskets that are a little bit of tix. Oh, fuck off. All right, we get it. Okay. You like bacon and beef.

You can go now. Goodbye. You don't need to carry your Texas goods over fucking country lines. We get it. Yeah. Congrats. You, uh, you just showed your checked bag privilege. Okay.

Cause those were not carry on friendly. So then now it's time to have a deck meeting cause Kerry's like, all right everyone, good job. We had a nice job. Deck crew to the wheelhouse. Okay, all right. Someone tell my idiot Bosun I didn't say do you caught wheels.

I said wheelhouse. All right. Oh my bad, my bad. And your hat's still on all right oh my bad my bad and you had still on backwards oh my bad so he's like everybody did great you made a million dollars you made like $25,000 or something but I need to wait does he yell at the crew first yeah he has like a pre-tip meeting he's like all right first talking guys not real happy. I'm actually pretty fucking pissed off.

I can't have people on deck who can't tell me what the fuck is going on. Also, Jared, I don't know how many times I have to tell you to turn your hat the other way around, but what's even worse is now that I look at your hat, it's just a tortilla. What the fuck you're doing on here, man? You know, I actually almost told that tall tea. Its person is on backwards.

Man. That's a damn shame, man. Now they've been showing this scene over and over again, making us think that he's going to fire somebody or whatever. But he's like, man, listen, if you don't communicate with me, you're all going out. You know what? I'll think this crew's going to be great.

All right. You're all going to be rich in about five minutes. You know, the issue there is that he's just, you know, he's not used to running something like this himself. He's not exactly in my head yet, but he'll get there when he gets into my head. No, he's gonna hear, Adventure!

That guy may seem like a kangaroo, careful on a goat's wing, but all fun used for him yet. It takes a long time for a wallaby to get into a koala's head, but once it happens, it happens, a magic happens to NT. Oh, so Jared's all upset. He's like, dude, being called out on talking, that's not something I should be getting called out on. Oh well. So now it's a tip meeting. They've all made a bunch of money. They made like 25 grand or something like that and they're psyched and he compliments them. He's like, yeah, I'm pretty good. What we need more is more communication guys. But I have to say I'm like a dog with two tails. I'm really happy and also Sarah McLachlan's

a little bit concerned about me. One way makes me double happy. On the other end when I've got fleas I'm scratching two asses. Unfortunately I'm like a dog with two tails which means that people think I'm pleasuring myself all the time with the noises that come from my rear but it it's just my tail wagon into itself. So Fraser calls Kat and he's telling us last year, I talk my team as individuals, but this time it's important to see the team is one because it's not about you, it's about us. Okay, it's very important throughout the season, I want

to really treat everyone as with respect. I want everyone to treat each other, respect each other and care for each other as you would the captain. And do you understand what kind of level of respect that is? And Barbie's like, well, the first day you were like, I just wanna say, Cat, you were like pretty slow compared to like what I was doing.

And like, that's what I was just talking, that's why I was talking to you the way I was talking to you because it wasn't you're a nice person. You're just a very slow person compared to me who's a very fast and arguably much wealthier person than you are. And that's it. You're just slow and dumb. Yeah.

Fortunately, it's really hard working with slow people. And then Ben did come up and tell me that you said some negative things about me. And Kat's like, um, wow, well, I never talked to Ben. So well, he didn't say you said anything to him. He said more like you were just making noises through the sound of a croissant. And he interpreted that as a complaint. And then my response to him, because I thought you were talking about me, I said, well, she works like a snail. And by that, I mean very slowly.

I'm sure snails are probably more productive than you. I mean, at least you know, as snail has been in the room because they leave a trail, whereas you just nothing, nothing. Well, I will say that the first night like the dishes just would not stop. And that's why I was like stuck in that pantry so long because it's just like dish after dish after dish,

croissant break, dish, dish, another croissant, dish, dish, pano chocolat, which is different than a croissant. So I felt like I was owed a pano chocolat break to more dishes. Well, you see, if we hadn't had this conversation, we wouldn't have known the onslaught of dishes that Cap was dealing with.

Some might say it's good to dish once in a while. That was a pun. Do you dumb-dumbs get it? She's like, yeah. So, and then I was like given so many roles, well, figuratively and literally. I mean, I would have. Have you ever tried a proper house role?

A hiding place for a role, and then I was given something else to do. It was a really rough day. I unfortunately, I never would have stopped to have a role except I thought I was getting medical insurance, but it turns out a Kaiser role is a totally different thing. I guess it's more of a Kaiser bun, I'm not sure. Wow, you're really on a roll.

Don't say that I'm starving. All right, All right, then I'm glad we had this talk. And so he's like, okay, so now, listen, if you have too many tasks, just say that to us. You have the right to have other tasks. Are we all agreed? We're all a family here. And Kat goes, okay, well, one more thing. So before Frazier left for the beach picnic, I saw you hanging out and talking.

And so I asked if you were available to help out. Cause I think as we all remember, I was given the title of grand pooba of all floating vessels in the Southern hemisphere. And so I thought it was my right to check in on that. Okay, okay. Well, you didn't say it that way. That's not how you said it, but okay, whatever, whatever,

whatever. Well, as the countess of the high seas, I just was very concerned that you were not making it as nice as it should have been. And she's like, well, that's not how you said it. So, uh, you said you need to move because we're supposed to be working. And she goes, um, I can promise you, I did not say that. Absolutely not. And it cuts her saying, um, we're supposed to be working.

And Barbie's like, yeah, you just have to be sensitive to how you speak because like, I'm sorry, you're very sensitive to how I speak, but you have to be sensitive to how you speak. And Frasier goes, okay, let's stop it here because you're boring and you're not sexy enough for me to pay attention to. Okay. I don't see this going anywhere constructive. We're, We're getting

petty right now and not in a gay campy way in a boring way. Okay. I don't have time for pettiness. You have to be good, a good stew and get along. And if you can't, I can't help with that. You'll both be gone and hopefully trade up for a hot man instead. Alright, guys, this is a good meeting. You're not even part of this meeting, you fucking moron. Get out of here. By the way, your hat's on backwards.

It's like, oh, damn it. And it's a croissant that cats already eating. Well, that was it. That was Below Deck for this week. Fun times, this could be a mess, they're a disaster. We'll see what happens next week. In the meantime, definitely get your tickets for the Crappies times. It's gonna be a mess. They're a disaster. We'll see what happens next week. In the meantime, definitely get your tickets for the Crappies, whether it's gonna be in person

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