Watch What Crappens - #2331 PumpRules, Part 2: Did It For The Graham

Episode Date: February 21, 2024

Welcome back to part 2 of a two-part recap!The cast grapples with whether or not to show grace to Tom Sandoval after Lisa makes an impassioned plea on behalf of his mental health. Plus, James throws his first pool party and later receives a heartwarming surprise. And grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes on Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, well, go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. But enough of that. Let's get right back into the episode. So he's like, yeah, well, I was just like, you know what? I'm sorry I didn't give you more grace for what you were going through last year. I guess I wasn't able to give you grace because I was going through things last year. For instance, I don't know if you know,

but Rand left me. Or I left Rand because he cheated on me. And Troy's like, yeah, I'm sorry in the matter that I retaliated. I mean, coming for your lips, I mean, you're one of the most beautiful people I ever laid eyes on in my life. I mean, that's just, I mean, platonically, of course, but coming for your lips, I mean, that's just like low-hanging fruit. There's so many other things I could have come for. Your terrible personality, your gold-digging ways, just so many things. God, I really messed that one up. I just see you in Ocean and I remember why I fell in love with you. Just as friends, of course,

you know. I just wish you could do this with Tom, you know, like we're talking now because, you know, he's family. Okay, you're doing exactly what she was yelling at you about last night, okay? Just let the guy fucking sink or swim on his own, you know? But she's there for it because she's had the talk. So now she's ready. She's like, I know. I know. I know.

He's like, I can't abandon that man. And I won't. I won't do it. So let's go back to intimacy. Intimacy. Get intimacy. So Billy and Sandoval are in robes sitting around. He's like, I feel great. Billy's like, yeah, well, you deserve it. Yeah, well, there's like something that I've like not,

that's something I've not really said to myself in a while. I deserve it. Thank you. Billy's like, yeah, no, just know that you are worthy and you deserve bliss. By the way, are you thinking of dating? Are you interested in anyone? Like, okay, of all the people in this room right now, who would you want to date the most? It's only me. I'm not doing that. I do miss Raquel, though. We haven't talked in three weeks, dude.

Last time I talked to Raquel, I didn't think it would be the last time I spoke with her. I mean, in that conversation, she did tell me she's extending again into the mental health place. And I told her, okay, I love her, and we'll talk later. But now, won't even call me back, bro. Dude, like, what we had was love. Like, that's why I was, like, so addicted to it.

It's like, Robert Palmer says, I'm addicted to love i'm gonna put that in that show that's why i like i couldn't see anything else and it's like not like we were just like hanging out and having sex like to hang out with the best part like when we would like talk about things and like i told her what a broomstick was and i introduced her to like tinfoil and then i would like roll up the tinfoil and like we'd bat it around a little bit like it was so fun I explained to her star machines were really not just stars they actually came from electricity like dude I unplugged the star machine and plugged it back in I think a light bulb went out no one pun intended bro you you should have seen her eyes the first time she ever saw yogurt. It was, like, amazing and magical.

So many feelings in my head. There's, like, pain. There's anger. There's, like, pomade. Well, it's on top of my head. But still, it's thick. It's greasy. But it's also moisturizing, you know?

And then there's bleakness. Because I lost all of my friends, you know? They were just like, God, it's hard being friends with someone with such healthy hair bro I guess I don't know like I'm just hoping that we can give like whatever this is a shot like pretty much I'm saving myself

for Raquel and definitely not banging other girls on the side right now right right and he's like I just feel like I want to be happy, but I'm not allowed, bro. And Billy's like, you are. You're worthy. You're worthy. Butterball.

Vegan turkeys. Like, Billy's really trying to make a go for it. You know, she's like, you know, I just feel like the world is hating on you so much, and I'm tired of it. I wish people would know how much you are hurting. You, Tom Sandoval, the real victim in this, because there were times where I thought we could have lost you.

Yeah, I got close a couple of times. You know, when you get on Freedom of Mind, I had to like, really step myself out of it. So yeah, that's when he says he felt all these emotions. And he's like, I just want to be happy again. I don't feel like I'm allowed. You're worthy. You're worthy. All right, well, thanks for coming to intimacy. Your time is up.

Get out of me sea. Back to the party. James is dancing around with butter at his airport lobby house and um squirting it onto the food he's like i'm by baby i'm by no salt bay i'm by bay so then ariana's like oh so sheena how was your conversation with sand about with sandoval with lisa or whatever oh yeah oh no sandoval she did say sandoval um like yeah we talked about the podcast he was like pissed off about and like here's where like i'm like really struggling um we went over to lisa's today and like all three of us were like in tears um and donut too would have been in tears but i don't think he spoke english so she was in tears

because she said she was like has like a lot of similarities with her brother before he passed away and like she's like very concerned um tom and her brother before he passed away. And she's very concerned. Tom and her brother are very different people, though. I'm sorry, but no. Because he's still not going to take responsibility for what he did. And so what am I supposed to be like, oh, hey, guys, I'm Ariana. Could you please be nice to my ex-boyfriend now? Okay, no, it's not going to happen.

And then Ariana says, I can understand that maybe he's had some thoughts and feelings but those thoughts and feelings are based on a situation that he created in which he didn't give a fuck about anyone else's mental health so i know i'm a bitch saying this but it just feels a little bit like annoying right i mean this is true and she probably took a lot of shit for this i haven't really read comments yet but um we we they they on this show tend to forget like what she was going through while he was doing this her grandma died her dog died he was fucking raquel while she was at her grandma's funeral like come on not exactly that's crazy literally so then sheena cries and she's like oh my god he was an amazing friend of mine no one understands what i'm going through and she goes that wasn't real though okay as soon as he's invited to parties again he's going to be like oh great

that's all i wanted you know don't trust him it's all manipulation which feels true so then we uh now people are at home it's after it's it's now it's after that great pool party schwartz is on his peloton dying dying a peloton death right there and then we're at lala's house and she's cleaning some cribs and james comes over so we get the traditional hi jameson i'm upstairs jameson so he goes upstairs oh i've never been up here it's cool well so quiet no airplanes ever had strange oh my god your baby's got a bottle same kink as you a shut up james so uh then we see a clip of her back in her bottle days and she's like i really like getting a bus and watching some tvs from my man And Sheena just looking at her like, wow, I'm Sheena, and even I think you're a fucking weirdo.

So Lala is saying how she's addicted to Perrier now, and James is, he's like still in his still water phase. And Lala's like, so, what made you want to get sober? You don't have to tell me, but, you know, we are on TV right now. He goes, oh, what do you mean? I didn't have to tell you. There's not much to say, Lala.

I mean, look, I'll tell you in confidence. confidence obviously when the tom and raquel stuff happened a lot of emotions were flowing right like ala and i were fighting a lot especially when i'll be getting drunk and like what's it start with like comments on instagram was about tom raquel was about me showing too much emotion about tom raquel and then she went and stayed at a friend's house and then took the cats with it and i came home there were no There were no cats. There was no Ally. No tarot cards. So, yeah. Rock bottom. He's like, but you know what?

Last time I quit for the relationship. But this time I quit because Ally said she'd leave me if I didn't quit. So, I'm doing it for myself. Wait a minute. Are you listening to yourself? Because you quit for a relationship again. But in his mind, it's not. It's because he could have lost his relationship.

But it's like the same thing. I had that same thought. The difference is that Raquel said, I'm going to leave you. And Ali's like, no, I did leave you. And he's like, oh, I see it now. I understand. Yeah, so I guess Raquel said you have to quit and ali didn't say he had to quit so that's what makes it different she just made it clear that he had to quit i'm not really sure

but she's like do you look at this as a forever thing he's like oh yeah of course otherwise i couldn't possibly do it listen i know everyone has their different versions of sober but i think pounding the weed the weed sodas i don't know. You're still wanting to get blitzed out of your mind. You know what I mean? So I'm not really sure how that works. I just feel like don't commit to things. Don't commit to things on camera. Say it, forget it, write it, regret it.

Because look, Candice Luan, she always has to eat her words because now on Girls Trip, she's like, well, no, I have drinks from now and then. Certain special opportunities. And now it's a special opportunity because I'm about to fuck five guys. Yeah. Every day is a special occasion. That's my new saying.

Like, wow. She's so spiritual. No, she just wants a drink. All right. All right. Let me tell you what i want into me a guy i'm sorry i'll take a cold plunge and rose into me is that a place uh so he's like you know i don't want to be like

alcoholic 40 year old because that's james' worst nightmare is aging. Oh, I know. Oh, honey. Honey. I've got news for you. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. It's age. She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes. You're about to be old. I'm not coming around the mountain.

I'm coming on the mountain. Somebody do me. I've come around plenty of mountains. Where's my tv show hi i'm a cast member on vanderpump rules now someone fuck the hell out of me please so um so anyway he's he's just like uh this is also so lala too to be like but james i'm here for you and your sobriety. Because this is her every fucking year with James.

And then she just turns on James and throws him under the bus for no reason. Every single time. You know, in like two weeks, she's going to be talking to the girls. Like, well, you know, James, he became sober because Ali moved out with the cats. Can you believe that? Ali and the cats. Yep. And Katie's's gonna be like

sir, miss your cats so he's like yeah, we've come far that will happen miss your cats Mr. Banks so he's like we've come so far and you've come miles and I'm proud of you in so many ways look at you using a straw instead of a bottle and she's like we've come so far And you've come miles and I'm proud of you in so many ways Look at you using a straw instead of a bottle

Lola And she's like thanks Jets You know what I don't think anyone could have a relationship Like me and James We went from being two kids Who were train wrecks To getting into relationships that ended In my case my relationship ended

Because Rans cheated on me and I had to find out Through a video he went to Nashville And then was all alone, and there was a national scandal happening, and my scandal was off to the side. But my scandal probably should become the front headlines now. What do you think, everyone? Do you think we can all do this together? So what I'm just saying is that me and James are pretty much the same person. Okay, so now we go over to Schwartz's house, and we get the moment I've been waiting for all season. We meet a new side character, Joe.

Hey, I'm Joe. I've been waiting to see Joe because she did this thing where she's joined Instagram. She's like, hi, guys. I'm Joe. I've joined Instagram. Please be nice to me, guys. Guys, guys, please be nice to me on Instagram. And then she came out with another video.

She goes, wow, you guys are, like, so mean to me. Why are you so mean to me, guys? Guys, stop being so mean to me. Like, you don't like my hair? Okay. Like, I changed my hair. Like, now what? Like, you don't like my eyelashes?

I changed them. So now what? Guys, stop being mean. Stop it. Sounds like someone who's in business intimacy. I've never seen anything like that, and I will never forget it. It's burned into my brain now.

Where's my New York Times article? America's Most Hated Woman. So, uh, she's actually cutting, uh, Schwartz's hair, and he's like so would you prefer a cash would you prefer cash for this or a trip to olive garden she's like olive garden i was like you know what i'm okay with her so schwartz is like joe is a human being uh that uh well she's a human being um she's a she's a being that's she's a light in my life i'll just say that

yeah oh by the way jo, you know what's funny? The entire group thinks you're my secret romance slash girlfriend. Huh? Isn't that funny? I mean, we did spend a lot of time together last summer. Huh? I feel like he's trying to do. We still do spend a lot of time together.

Hello, I'm cutting your hair for breadsticks. Yes, I'm one of the breadsticks. I feel like he's trying to sell us on Joe a little bit here, right? He's like, I just want to clear things up. Joe was never living with me. Was she staying with me sporadically? Yes. And during that time when she was staying with me, was she alive?

Yes. So was she living with me? Yes. But she wasn't living with me. Oh, not my girlfriend. Never was. We just had this whirlwind romance. But then, you know, now we're just buds. Okay, Joe is the Molly dealer.

Can we just all agree that Joe is clearly the Molly dealer in this relationship? Joe is at the part of her life that when she's in a documentary on A&E in three years, she's like, I mean, things got so bad, I was given out haircuts for a love garden. It's rough. No one even said joe you're giving away your life's blood for unlimited breadsticks joe come back to the five and d dime joey joe joey joe well i was like what was your rock bottom giving away free buzz cuts for some alfredo i feel for joe because joe's just one of those you want to talk about someone who never profits from any of this shit it's joe because joe's just one of those you want to talk about someone who

never profits from any of this shit it's joe okay joe last season katie's like fuck that girl that you're living with that stupid fucking crackhead and there's like some everyone's like who's crackhead joe like just wanting to know so everybody is like make putting videos up of her or joe's like cheering at Sandoval's concerts and they're circling her and being like, this is crackhead Joe. And so people coming for crackhead Joe all year. And now poor Tom,

well, not poor Tom, but Tom's like, okay, let's put Joe on TV so people understand she's not a crackhead. They're still like, stupid crackhead Joe's here. So then Sandoval comes over and he's like, hey, dude, how's it going?

What are you doing? Just giving him a little trimmeroo. Love that shirt, Tom. Want a haircut? Take it. We're going to Olive Garden later. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. She's snorting a breadstick.

So she'sing a breadstick so um she's she's melting a breadstick in a spoon so uh that's your pubes on the ground dude it's just no it's just hair i'm just too lazy to pick it up so let's just sweep it over here let's just sit down i'm just gonna leave that pile of hair there how are you handsome what's been going on with you i was like are we really gonna have a whole scene with the hair just in the pile of hair there how are you handsome what's been going on with you i was like are we really gonna have a whole scene with the hair just in the pile of it like can't anyone pick up that hair right now that's what kind of girl that's what kind of girl joe is i love it joe's like fuck it there's a pile of hair there uh so um short sleep oh so i had a great conversation with lisa uh so she booked a sick assass cabin, man.

And Katie and Ariana aren't going to be there, but James and Brock and Lala and Sheena are going to be there. Everyone cool is going to be there. Sorry, not you, Joe. But I think it's going to be a really good neutral ground for some one-on-ones, Tom. Yeah.

OK, just breaking in to say here, this is a huge tactical mistake on Katie and Ariana's part. Huge. Like, I get why you would draw the lines in the sand, what you would need to do. I think Ariana at this point should have said, if you guys are going to have Sandoval on this show and try and make me shoot with him, I'm not doing this show. Then she should have gone off and done spinoffs or done something else instead of coming back to this show. Because this is where the audience is going to start turning because the whole cast is going to go on this trip it's going

to be probably fun and they're going to have all these conversations or drama or whatever and those two aren't going to be part of it and they're going to start everyone's going to start seeing them as weight as uh anchors that are dragging down the show oh Oh, 100%. That is what's going to happen. I think it's actually the worst tactical thing is for Katie because I always got the sense that Ariana's on the show, but I always get the sense that if they said, sorry, Ariana, we don't need you on the show anymore, she'd be like, okay, fine. And she literally has so much stuff happening now

because she's on a pedal, man, that it is a tactical mistake for her on this show. But since I don't know if she cares about the show as much, it's, I think, not as big of a deal for her. But I think that for Katie, if Katie is just like, she's on the outs, then what does katie have but then again katie has often been in that position so she's sort of used to it but either way i'm getting off on a tangent here the you are totally correct this is we've seen it happen before this is the way reality tv works once you take a moral stand and say i don't want to be around that person you then become the outcast and then you become the one that the audience turns against will you make the other person the victim. Even though I hear how stupid it sounds, and I know that the audience is probably like, what the fuck, bro?

But that's how it is. If there's one person that everybody's mad at or making a stink about, no matter what that person did, they become the victim in the audience's eyes. I mean, we've seen it a million times. And like you said, Ariana is good. Like, she's a good actor. She has other things

going on she should have left as america's sweetheart is what i say and just been like i'm too good for that i'm not going back and then she would always remain hero you know um but yeah i'm worried okay so they're not gonna go so sandoval's like um oh yeah oh god then we get another classic sandoval he's like schwartz is saying listen they i went to uh vanderpump dogs i talked to lisa um but then i went home and booked a sick ass lake cabin and i want to invite you and we need to go but you know can you leave your ego here you know why don't you just go with everybody and say hey guys sorry i hurt you and he goes oh yeah lala sorry i gave you so much content for your podcast

and sorry for all that money on merch you made and uh it's so fucked up that they don't see what they did they showed the whole nation how to treat us everyone followed their lead bro okay wow um let me tell you something none of us followed Lala and Sheena's lead. It wasn't like we're saying, oh my God, this affair happened. God, I'm still a Sandoval fan. Wait a second. Sheena's being critical on her podcast. I changed my opinion whatsoever.

I'm taking out my pitchfork and coming for Sandoval. No, no, no. We did not follow Lala and Sheena's lead. We followed like Logic's lead. Yep. And then we see clips of Lala and Sheena both talking about what a piece of shit Sandoval is on their own podcasts. And Schwartz is like, uh-oh, this isn't going to go well with this attitude. You know, let your guard down a little bit.

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Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. you have that lightning bolt on your live shows like hanging off your necklace do you know about the new york times article i mean obviously that happened way later but he he is the first one who wanted to capitalize off of this yeah so um they're like uh you're supposed to be humble and it's not working of course so schwartz is like okay but like i'll miss the gang let's go bond okay you know oh and by the way something cosmically changed with Lala. I don't even know how to articulate it. It's just she was so self-aware. I've

never seen her like that before. The only time I've seen her that self-confident was when she came in with that Range Rover with some other girl's lipstick in the glove compartment. It was amazing! Yeah. By the way, I also want to point out Sandoval being so upset at Lala and Sheena capitalizing off this. The whole reason why he was in New Zealand was because he was shooting that show on Fox. And I guarantee the only reason why Sandoval was cast on that show on Fox was because of Scandival. Because otherwise, he's been on TV for 10 years. He would have been cast in things a lot sooner than now if it was just based off of his captivating personality.

So, he's like, she's so self-aware. And Joe's like, oh, finally. Love you saying that. Love that. What's her name? Sheila? Lala. Yeah.

Good for her. She's like, breadsticks. There's going to be plenty where I'm going. Listen, I'm not saying let them walk all over you, but just let them feel like they're walking all over you a little bit. It's like, yeah, but it's been like five months, man. Yeah, well, then what's five more minutes? Just think about it.

Think about it. Think about it. Think about it. Yeah, think about it. Think about it think about it think about it yeah think about it think about it yeah and then schwartz goes can joe please be a full-time cast i need joe every i like joe i like joe too i need her to be here every minute and i need to know what happened with the hair the pile of hair over in the corner i know uh it's just on her own plane, man. Jo's just over there dancing in her own head.

Like, yes! Rager! She's thinking about ways to paint Schwartz's wall so it looks sort of like a Tuscan villa. She's like faux painting. It's like, yeah. I wonder if anybody's ever painted with a sponge before instead of a paintbrush. That would be wild. I'm going to do it.

It would be weird if I made you Italian menus, too, when we came in here. So now we go to Sheena's house, and there's a doorbell, and it's Tori. Tori! Tori the babysitter, who's her friend. And so she comes over. So we didn't even point out that Tori is the chick in the previews that makes out with Katie and Tom. She becomes part of the Katie-Tom threesome storyline later in the season. I did not notice.

Well, because you know what? I haven't watched the trailer since then. But wow, what a twist. Yeah, we did the trailer trash and we should have recognized that purple hair. We knew there was something special about her when she came in and said, I'm an actor, but I'm mostly into music now. Yes. And she continues to be special in the scene. So she's over and,

you know, they're playing with summer moon and Brock's like, Hey, summer moon. And he puts on like a toy stethoscope. He goes, come here. I need to check your hat.

And then Tori has like a fake, like a play needle. And she goes, summer moon. Did you do your Zempik shots today? Brock's like a fake, like a play needle. And she goes, Summer Moon, did you do your Zempik shots today? Brock's like, hey. Is that a conversation to have with my kid, Tori?

Well, tonight I have dinner plans, and as much as I trust Tori, leaving someone alone with someone other than my mom is really hard. So I did call my sister Courtney to help. Trust issues. So I did call my sister Courtney to help. Trust issues. So, yeah, so then Summer

kisses Mom and Dad goodnight. And then she's like, bye, Mommy, see you tomorrow. And she's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So now we go to Beach and Brew, a happening place in Marina Del Rey. And Brock and Sheena walk into the restaurant, and Sheena's like, I love

a Westside hang. And she's like, yeah, this is a feast and all that with just a nanny and your sister. They have such Westsider energy about people finally coming to visit them. And James has such non-Westsider energy about having to go to the Westside, right? But he can't say

anything now because now he lives in the Val. And he just made people come to Burbank but it's really funny all this unspoken energy in the room because brock's like welcome what's it like to be on the west side here look at that we keep the doors open out here because see air comes in and james is like good to see you like kind of like stretching like yawning like he's just been in the car for an hour. Everyone's, like, throwing each other all this, like, L.A. distance energy. I mean, James looks like he's Furiosa at the end of Thunder, like, Mad Max or something like that. Like, he has been driving, driving for hours and hours through terrible terrain. And he's finally gotten to Marina del Rey.

And now he has to actually sit through a dinner. Yeah. So, she was like okay well i just had a conversation with lisa and she literally had lisa tears and she was like after my brother passed like um she saw similarities with sandoval and like she just wants us to go like kind of easier than we have been on sandoval how does everybody feel about that um yeah i totally understand that i mean i understand that more than this strange self-serve tap situation in this restaurant. How did that even work?

Did anyone see that? That was crazy. I love that. They have like little wristbands that they scan into the computer and then it's like bloop. And then it unlocks the tap so they can pick their own. I know. So high tech. Yeah, it really is.

But you know what? Tomorrow, I'm going to go see Lisa tomorrow. She says she wants to talk for 10 minutes or something like that. can pick their own i know so high tech yeah so james is like well you know what tomorrow i'm gonna go see lisa tomorrow she says she wants to talk for 10 minutes or something like that and so we see a flashback of lisa calling he's not in trouble i need you just for 10 minutes 10 minutes james please i beg of you not just me donut wants you to please come see me Please come see me! It's like, oh, not that awkward one. The tail end of the cloning, is it?

God. Let that branch fall to the ground, Lisa. No more clones from that branch, please. Poor dog looks like an Ewok that's been stepped on by a gargoyle. Well, it's just going to be like the same thing. like i just don't want him to i just don't want santa ball to do something and then it'll be like too late and then like none of us were even there and brock's like well it's not fair that that got put on you like it puts you against the wall like sort of like a flat screen tv that you're always timing me to put up there so what

are you gonna do say something someone's mental health isn't okay? I mean, we're humans after all. Yeah, well, that's why I'm nervous to go to Tahoe. I was like, am I just nervous because I'm a Libra? Or am I just nervous because of this energy? Because like, you know, I'm going to hear him and then he's going to tell me things. And then I'm going to like fall for it and be like, okay, I like you now. They all reassure each other that they're all humans and this is what humans do they feel bad for people so she's like yeah i never had

in la trying to convince each other they're human i love it after they've just yeah yeah we're human just because we had a robot give us drinks doesn't mean that we're not human right we've been vile for 10 years in a row running on television we're human still right only humans can make those things scan through a computer right is it weird that my entire body sets off metal detectors i'm human right could a human could a robot eat a tater tot wait a minute. Turns out Vanderpump Rules is a Philip K. Dick novel all along. Wait, we're all robots?

Finally, they've made robots that can age. Robots can be masters too. Yeah. So, um, Ali's like, I'm just preparing for the awkwardness like listen you know what there are hotels down the street if we need to get one in tahoe so james is like well i'm not stressed about it i'm like he shorts his friend and will hang and if he meshes if that meshes at one point then like whatever so james is already like laying the groundwork of like if i become friends with centerpole, don't be mad at me.

Yeah, well, we can all have empathy for someone who's fucked their whole life up. I mean, the problem is, things can get pretty dark pretty quick. I do live with James under airplanes. Things literally get dark quickly. Like when a shadow of the Airbus 321 goes over your house it's like midnight all of a sudden out of nowhere it can also get light really quickly

do you know what it's like it's like we live in a state of perpetual eclipses you know what else we get quickly to the airport which is handy and costco it quickly to the airport. This is handy. And Costco. And Ikea. And now we go to Vanderpump Dogs, darling! And we've got

a new intern, Summer. I'm expecting a lot from you, Summer. She's a VP. Where's Dr. John Sessa, by the way? Fiat! I don't know. I'm assuming gone he was he still there after that whole kyle debacle maybe the world of academia called him back okay so um james is like hello hello oh darling hello what's going on? Have a seat. I need to talk to you about something very serious.

So he thinks this is going to be like Lisa saying, be nice to Sandoval, right? So she goes, so, you know, you're worried about Graham, aren't you, your dog? Graham Cracker, your sweet little dog, Graham. And he's like, yeah. And then down the stairs comes Graham out of nowhere. Graham Cracker.

Sweet little Graham Cracker comes down the stairs, and he goes running up to James. And she goes, James, he, like you at one time, had been rescued by me. So Graham Cracker comes running up, and James says to God. This little dog was found in a box. And there was a woman who looked very much like Raquel's mother standing over the box with a saw. And she started to saw through the box. And someone called me and said, Lisa, a woman is sawing through one of your dogs on the box. We've just scanned it as we do every dog we find on the street.

And I ran down there. And by the time I flew down, I passed your house. Did you hear me saying, hello, I'm on my way to the airport? Got on the airplane, which no one thought would fly until I said, presto, change-o! And it flew, and we went to a magical, mystical land called Arizona. I found the dog, but it was already sawed in two. One half of the dog was in Phoenix,

the other half of the dog was in Scottsdale. Far be it for me to ever interrupt any magic show, but luckily I knew the tricks of magic, and it turned out the half of the dog that was in Scottsdale was nothing but an empty box, because it was magic after all. So I said, Criss Angel, hand me that dog. And he said, Sean.

He threw his hand down and there was a poof of smoke and he had disappeared because after all, magic. And in my arms, the sweetest, most adorable golden doodle named Graham Cracker. Lisa, I can't believe you did that for me wow so raquel's i guess the story was up with this this sucks so i guess the story and how are we ever going to know without raquel doing podcasts every day or whatever this is how i feel on Wednesday, February 21st about Scandaval. They tricked me. None of this was my choice. I thought I was running for mayor, but it turns out I was sleeping with my friend's boyfriend.

It turns out, so Raquel, obviously the parents had to take, she didn't want James to have the dog. Because she said James made the dog a biter because he would, like, I guess play with the dog. You know when you play with dogs, you're not supposed to let them bite you because they will keep biting you. And it's not as cute when they're not a puppy, okay? They have big, strong jaws. And that she would scare him, like, coming onto the couch. She would push her off the couch or scare her while she was sleeping or scare him while he was sleeping, whatever. So, anyway, she didn't want James to have the dog.

So, she gave the dog to the mom. And then the dog was biting the mom, I guess. And so, the mom got rid of the dog. You can't get rid of the dog. Call the dad of the dog. What the fuck? Who does that? That was what was wild to me.

I was like, why was this dog in a foster home when the dog has another owner? Like, that just made no sense like okay so you didn't want the dog to be with james because he felt like that was bad for the dog so then you just like shoved the dog off to lucy lucy apple juiceville i i don't know that was i was shocked i was really shocked about this um but then there was also a part of me that was like or was it that raquel just brought the dog back to Lisa? And Lisa's like, don't worry. I'll say what really happened.

And then Lisa just concocts a story that makes Vanderpump Dogs seem very heroic. But either way. We're international. Either way, this was shocking. I don't think that Lisa made up the story. No, yeah. I think the dog was really in a shelter. What the fuck?

Who does that? That was shocking. And very fortunate that they were able to, I guess the shelter or, I don't know how they know. They scanned the chip. So your dogs now, yeah, dogs now get chipped

when they're little babies. And so when shelters find the dogs, they automatically scan their neck for these things. And when they scanned it in, what came up was the New York Times cover story. They're like, Scandival? This is a Scandival dog? We're calling Lisa Vanderpump.

They're like, wait a minute. This is a handsome mactor knows this dog. Wait a second. We scan it in, and there's a link, and I'm following the link, and it's to an MP3 that goes, ain't nobody loving me like I'm loving you, like I'm loving you. It's DJ James Kennedy's song. Gotcha, you'll subscribe to my Spotify. Wait a second.

There'll be Scandison and it says Pumptini. Wow, I think this is james's dog um so this is really cute a man reunited with his dog so she's like yes they dropped him at the shelter and they asked if we would take him and he's like i'm feeling anger i'm feeling sad i'm feeling confused i'm feeling a little bit of tinnitus but that's mostly from the plains i have a little bit of a bruise on my head where an ice cube fell off that southwest wing um i will say i mean i i've said a million times how james is such a fascinating person to watch because he can be so vile but then he has this really tender side which is i think why we always come back to him and he's always been actually very, very attached to animals. He really, like, he really cares about

Graham, and he's, like, crying here. He's also, by the way, very sweet to his cat, Mr. Banks. He's very affectionate towards animals. And it just, it's, like, it's really lovely to see. And he's really crying. And he's saying, like, that Graham is his best friend. He's like, it's literally been a dream come true. And he's back with me. And I don't know. It's possible I really don't. I wasn't expecting this. I thought I was going to have to talk about stupid bucket Tom Sandoval.

But I got Graham Cracker instead. Thank you. Well, I just want you to look down at Graham and think, could I ever stop being friends with you? And then put Sandoval's face on this little coating tootle. And imagine what you would say to Tom Sandoval right now.

Would you tell him to get off the couch? No! No! All of a sudden, Joe appears. I'll walk your dog for Olive Garden. Just tell me. Tell me. Tell me what you want. Anytime. Any day. Any time. 2 a.m. 1 p.m. I don't care. I want the breadsticks, bitches. I want

the breadsticks. I need it. I need it so bad. And that brings us to the end of Vanderpump Druze. Oh, it was actually a very sweet and lovely ending. I don't know. Honestly, Roddy, I actually really am i'm

enjoying the season what can i say i enjoy it it's like what i said before nothing's happening and i thought i'd be really upset with that but i do think that all the conversations are about like real shit going on in their lives which i feel like for me is has sort of like a baseline compelling quality to it but i understand if other people are like, boring! But for me, it's not. It's not. Well, that's good. I don't feel the need to make any declarations today. You know, I'm just going along with

it. It's on. I'm enjoying watching it. You know, part of me just has trepidation, and part of me is just annoyed that they're trying the Sandoval shit. Because we knew they would try it a little bit. You know, like, if you're going to have a show a show you're not gonna fire sandoval because he's the center of scandal and the show at its core is about shitty men it's like a southern charm show shitty men are what makes this show run it's always been that way and so we knew that he was

going to be back and they were going to have to try and rehab him in some way. But to see him make literally zero effort, like he's doing the opposite of rehab and they're still trying to shove it down our throats. So we all need to be nice to Tom. And then using this like self-harm stuff is just tasteless to me. It's tasteless at this point. So it's pissing me off. But, you know, I love feeling rage. And so I am feeling that. And so, at the end of the day, I chalk it up to a win.

What can I say? You know, I'm angry. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? It's a great time to be alive. It sure is. It really is.

It is a good time to be alive. And you know what's going to be even better? When we're in Europe. So, go get your tickets for our European tour in May. And if you're just going to be in La La Land, that's good, too. Come see us in LA at the Netflix Is a Joke Comedy Festival in May. You can also get this as a video and all our bonus episodes. We are doing Southern Hospitality this week as our bonus episode.

Oh, cannot wait. It's a little late, but that's another Bravo classic. So if you guys are into that find some recaps over on the patreon ronnie do you know why our southern hospitality recap is late why because you're really fucked up ronnie really really fucked up fucked up joe so we're gonna be doing that and um monday nights are a crappy hour night. That is our Instagram live show where we talk to you guys at five 30 Pacific on Instagram. We sure love you guys. We will talk to you next time.

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