Watch What Crappens - #2332 RHOBH, Part 1: Kyle Does The Splits

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

This is part 1 of a two-part recap*The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (S13E17) concludes with an extravagant - and sort of strange - white party at SoFi Stadium.  And then afterwards, it’s the moment we’ve all been anticipating: Kyle and Mo’s separation.  This is part 1 of a two part recap.  Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes on Patreon!  Video Recaps: http://bit.ly/crappensvideoSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappin's, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only and hilarious gentleman of the hour, Mr. Ronnie Karam.

Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello Benjamina Bettina Batunki Taco. How are you? I am doing exceptionally well this morning. I have to admit, I'm doing very, very well. You are, you've got a little pep in your step today. Well, because it's our last day of recording for the week, so I've got a pep in my step.

I also, it's Bagel Thursday, so I had, which is a holiday that I created for myself, celebrated really just by me. And I really- You're really just by me. And really- You're really trying to make that trend with yourself. Yeah. You're really using bagel Thursday in a lot of sentences. Isn't it sad when you try to make that happen,

but you only care if it happens with yourself and you still can't make it happen? It's all being yourself. It's so funny. But no, but I get a bagel every Thursday. It's like a little thing. It's my little carrot that I dangle in front of myself to get through the week.

And so I had my bagel and then I went to the fabric store. So I got fabric to start a new shirt. But most importantly, I don't know if this was an Omen, it was an Omen. This was the Omen. I was driving back from the fabric store to come here to this recording session and I stopped at a stop sign,

ready to go forward in my lovely Kia Sportage, which just celebrated its one year anniversary. And then I see in the corner of my eyes a sweaty mass lumbering towards my car. And I looked to my left and it was a jogger and a jogger who wanted to cross in front of my car. And the jogger gave that gesture

like no you go and you'd know who that jogger was. Peter magical from Vanderpump rules. So I said you know what it's gonna be a great day of podcasting. I've already encountered a Bravo Liberty. Wow that's a big one too Peter. Yes it was a big one. That's sweaty Peter the morning. So good for him getting some fitness in so anyway My little starter horse to start the day Anyway, you guys we have tickets going on sale tomorrow

To the public for our shows in London Birmingham and Dublin, we're going to Europe for the first time ever. Really excited about it. There is a presale happening now. If you missed the presale, don't worry. It's going on sale tomorrow publicly. That's at watchforcrappins.com. Really psyched for those shows. Those are gonna be in May.

Those will be in late May, early May. We're in Netflix as a joke. We're gonna be performing at the Cucaburra Lounge in Hollywood at the Ovation, just the Ovation, that's what it's called, it's like the shopping. It used to be Hollywood in Highland. It's going to be a great show. Our friend Katie, who you may have seen at the Crappies, it's her club and it's a beautiful club. We're really excited. So go get tickets for that also at WatchCrapis.com. And by the way, you still have the replay for the crappies is up for a week.

So if you missed it, you want to watch it, you want to see what all the hype is about, go check that out. And again, at watchacrappies.com. So that's all the big news. That's where it's at, y'all. And today is a huge episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills where we finally got the Kyle drama. Dun dun dun dun dun. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath. Yeah. where we finally got the Kyle drama. I know you've all been waiting with Bated Breath. Yeah, I was waiting with Bated Breath.

Look how excited Ben is over there. Look how I just took all of Ben's fun starting energy and just wrecked it into the ground. You remember how happy you were like five minutes ago? Now you're like, yeah, well, I guess here we are. I was like, oh, that's right. I have to pivot away from sweaty Peter Madrigal to this sweaty party at SoFi Stadium. Let me put up my not as big old Thursday anymore it's Kyle and Mauricio Thursday.

It's Kyle officially tries to steal more storylines from Vanderpump who she got killed off on this show years ago. I don't know what she's still holding on to. Let it go. Okay. I mean, you got to feel a little sad for Kyle because this is the big episode. This is her scant of all episode. This is what the season was leading up to.

And honestly, I kind of feel like it got upstage by the real housewives of Miami. Like, sorry, Miami had a better finale. Sorry. It did. And also Tom, Tom Sandoval news and all that stuff that was coming out about. Tom Sandoval this week, which is their underpump show. So it was pretty funny to watch.

It truly is. Shit on again, darling. It all got upstaged. So anyway, we start off with planning for the annual, the annual white party, which is very sentimental, Kyle. It's so sentimental for Kyle that she decided to throw it in a stadium this year,

because that's where you celebrate sentimental things in a giant empty location that's way too large for an intimate party. I didn't really understand the Sophie need So fine need publicity What are they loaning out the studio to Kyle for I know you know what it reminds me of Were you with me that one time? I don't know if I don't remember if you're with me or not but I one time went to the Beverly Center and

Jesse Tyler Ferguson had just launched a bow tie line and he was having a launch party for the bow ties. And at the Beverly Center in the big, it's a mall by the way, it's a mall here in LA. And there's like, you know, it's like a mall, you know, you know, malls have a big wide kind of sort of, they're not hallway. What do you call it? Just like areas where you walk between stores, right? And there was one area that had like was like fenced off because normally there's like a piercing pagoda in there or something like that. And he had rented that out for his party. So what happened was you have this fancy launch party

held by a TV star and everyone is in suits and looking glamorous and it's in this fenced off area in the middle of like the promenade or whatever and then you have the you have mall shoppers like us just walking by with our bags and like why are all these fancy people in this like in there like little stable partying it was so bizarre and that's kind of what this party reminded me of it's like here we are at this very luxe party in this extravagant location, but it's still like this weird cordoned off thing in the middle of an empty abyss.

I actually would have liked it if there were a bunch of poor people in short shorts walking around. I would have preferred to see some mall people in there, just kind of lingering around Kyle's fucking white party in the sofa. Right? Just as weird as weird.

I've been cool. So, Kyle's like, people keep saying to me, I am I misunderstanding? Are you having your white party at SoFi Stadium? That is crazy. Yeah. And, uh, she's all very impressed. Kyle, Hey, guess what? I used to have my birthday in a public park. It was huge.

Everyone was so impressed that the city gave that to me. Just me, Ronnie, the public park, a scaredy park in El Paso. I mean, the glamour, okay? The glamour. We painted the grass red. We painted the grass red for people to arrive. This was probably, again,

this is probably Kyle's best white party, not because it was at a stadium, but mainly because it was away from her wildly untrained dogs, which you know are like knocking over plates and eating off people's napkins at all times. You got to be on Barbie Patrol there. They're at home like rioting. So she's like, well the white party has been very nostalgic for us because this has always been about our family. Let's watch some memories. Yeah. It's so much about our family that we invited 400 people to a stadium. It's a so fine. Yeah. So fine stadium. Okay.

Just because that's most of the letters in Sophia's name does not mean that's about family. Okay. Here's the biggest moments in the white parties that they did not show. Cause I showed clips of it I'll try to beat up that woman who was hitting on Mauricio that Mauricio was not even turning down at the party that would show They should have included in this because that was actually kind of hint number one I think for all of us or one of the first number ones and then there was the Kyle eating a fat burger Yes, I was gonna say that I That's the number one in my mind.

Kyle's eating him with a fat burger. I really miss the Kyle eating burger shots that they've had on this show. Like Kyle leaving hamburger heaven. Do you remember those early white parties when it was around her bean shaped pool? Yes. Just wanted to remember. I saw an otherwise lovely house and it had a bean-shaped pool.

Did you take it with me? And I was like, oh, Ben would hate this. It still haunts me to this day, the bean-shaped pool. Well, actually, I'm not sure why I even hate those. I think I may have to, I think I may call that back because I'm not called back. I may walk it back because I think that maybe there's been so much strife in the world over the past few years that I think bean shaped pools, if you want to have your pool the shape of a bean, I think I'm going to support it from now on. Enjoy your bean shaped pool.

Yeah. Like live your life. So we see past white parties and stuff and Kyle's like, well, I mean, I'd rather put my energy and focus on a white party than dealing with the other stuff I'm dealing with in my life, which is really difficult, which I'm not gonna talk about at all with you guys But it's really really hard even though nothing's going on Yeah, everything is fine. Everything is fine. I just don't want to focus on the things that are fine right now Because it's really hard to focus on things that are fine. That's fine so they go in and guess who is there guess who the the party planner is? It's none other than Kevin Lee.

She, she, she, Beverly Hills darling. And so he's back, which I mean, you want to talk about stealing, literally stealing Lisa Vanderpump. I mean, Kyle even admits it to her credit. Yeah, I was kind of embarrassed. I don't know. It's like when you divorce somebody but you keep wearing the ring, you know?

Like you keep trying to have the cachet of that person, but you're like, that person is so toxic, I want them out of my life, but I'm still keeping the ring, the name, which I get sometimes, cause your kids have the same. I don't mean like start a big stink about it, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I've seen these hockss in before. Yeah, of course.

I watch Miami. Like you want out of that relationship, but you just can't let go of all the perks. And I feel like that's Kyle, you know. Kyle's just here with CCC, Kevin, who you know had to get permission. I mean, you know, Lisa Vanderpump is somewhere so happy right now, petting her new, you know, bad end of the cloning stick dog, donut. Donut, she's just petting, she's just petting wonky-eyed donut somewhere like, oh, Kyle requested permission for she, she, she, let her have him.

Oh yes, Nicolain, of course, release my year-long hold on SoFi Stadium for this night for Kyle. Let her know Lisa sent her darling. Oh darling, Kyle, please enjoy your two-hour event at that football stadium down in Inglewood. Meanwhile, I'm installing a six-story clock by Nicolain and Wembley Stadium. Enjoy! Enjoy! Ha ha ha ha ha.

So Erica comes, oh no wait, where are we now? Yeah, they're still kind of like arriving because what happened, there's a group of people that are arriving at for a walkthrough at SoFi. So Erica comes because she'll be performing. And so this lady named Abby, who I think is she the one who is like from SoFi Stadium? I don't know, but she's like,

she's like, welcome to our humble abode. And Erica's like, I am blown away. Wow. I mean, it is pretty, it is a pretty cool place. I want to see Beyonce there, but it's a stadium. You know what I mean? Everyone's really falling all over themselves. I mean, like a stadium, you're having a party

in the middle of a stadium? Wow. I just don't really get it. It's like, I, okay. I get it in the sense that it is cool to go to a stadium and walk out on the turf. And it's this big place and it's, it's rarefied land. Not everyone gets to ever walk out onto the turf of a stadium. And so it's cool as an experience.

I think though, ultimately though, as a party, it just feels so cavernous and empty. I don't know. Like I could not get over. I could not shake that. Doesn't matter that you have 400 people there when there are like 18,000 soulless. Soulless. Soulless. And everybody also dressed in white, you know, and then you take natural palm trees and you spray paint them white. So they're suffocating to death out there. It's just a soulless, soulless, sad experience, which really goes a long

way in summing up tiles, Kyle's time on the show, you know, so good for her. Um, she knows how to do a theme. She knows how to work a theme. Let's give her that guys. So, uh, Erica's like, yeah, like Erica, stick a**t at Erica for f**k's sake, man. This might be even close to show date. She goes, well, Kyle goes, we just have to fill this up with all our friends, guys. Yeah, well, I don't have that many friends.

Honestly, I couldn't even fill up this row, girl. Which is kind of funny. So then Erica's friend, Luciana, comes in. And then they all go down to the field. And then Erica's like, so is this the tunnel that I run out in in the Super Bowl? Yeah, it's like my vagina pat the tunnel pat the tunnel Yeah, baby So Luciana is like Kyle how did you pull this up? How did you get so far? Stadium and Kyle's like I did direct TV commercial here, of course

I was like, I did direct TV commercial here. Of course. Yeah, I did a direct TV commercial. It was like pretty big. You may remember it with Theresa and Kenya. I don't know. It's kind of the star of it. Huh. Yeah.

It's like, okay. All right. Settle down. So it's huge. And Eric was like, yeah, what a massive commercial. They sold out tickets for that fucker. People just dying to watch that commercial over and over they watched it.

Loved it. Great commercial. Great ad, Erica. So Kevin's showing her the stage and stuff and he's like, that's where you're going to perform, Erica. Can you even imagine? She's like, yes, I can. I cannot believe that number one, Kyle's having a party here that she asked me to perform Erica you got this far this is your warm-up for your Vegas residency I love that. Erica is really treating this like the Super Bowl. At one point she's like wow look at me how far I've come so far stadium. Carl you were asked here to sing as free entertainment for your friend. You're one song from like eight years ago. Okay. I mean, like, I just, yeah, it's hilarious.

I mean, is it better than my free gigs? Sure. Okay. Yes. I will concede that. My last free gig was interviewing Chris Harrison for my mom's country club, Lady Luncheon. Okay. So, yes, you win in that, but it's not really a competition. was interviewing Chris Harrison for my mom's country club, Lady Luncheon, okay?

So yes, you win in that. But it's not really a competition. I don't walk around bragging about it either, you know? I'm not like, hey guys, hey, hey Chris, it's me. Just stop by. Wondering if you had some milk I could borrow. Remember me from the country club? Huge gigs.

It just is like very reminiscent of James Kennedy pressing play on a CD player in Cancun once and being like, I just played Mexico. It's like, you didn't sell tickets at SoFi Stadium. You were, it was arranged by production and you sang and it is cool that you get to sing in SoFi Stadium, but let's be honest, do you like, you're singing to Faye Resnick.

I mean, this is just like, you're not usher, okay? Who are we kidding? When we go to London, we're gonna be in front of the fucking palace doing a bonus episode and telling everybody that we performed at the palace. And you know what? And if someone wants to say the same thing to us, they sure can, because guess what?

We will both call it out, we will both call it out and we will both act it out. Okay? Yes. We are members of the Hippocrat party and you for sure know that if we could go and sneak into Wembley Stadium, I'd be like, well guys, Crappins has taken Wembley Stadium guys.

Yup, we did it. Finally we did it. Erica Jane is back and she's it so far. So take that everybody take it. And Kyle's like, hey, can we put a white party 2023 up on that, on my screen that jumpa tron thing? That would be great. And Kevin's like, of course.

And we'll say, it'll say Kyle 2023. And she's like, what? Me, don't put my name up please. If you even put up Halloween superstar Kyle Richards on there, I will be mortified. Please don't say a star of the Direct TV commercial that took place in the stadium. Kyle Richards, if you do that up there, I just cannot. This is not about me. This party is not about me.

This is a party that where I'm just merely flexing my access to SoFi Stadium and that I have so much expendable money that I can throw this extravagant party here when I very well as easily could throw it in my backyard but it's not about me. So she tells us I learned about Kevin Lee from Lisa Vanderpump and if I'm gonna be doing a party that's so over-the-top that it's at SoFi Stadium I mean over top over the top party planner. So, uh, yeah. Yeah. So yeah. How do you know that Kyle and Marisi are breaking up? Because there is a party at SoFi stadium.

Like nothing says grand finale, like blowing out your white party this way. Jumping, but our merit has jumped the shark. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crap-N's commercial. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Consciously. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History?

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Mom. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less in August, the 1492 Columbus sale, the Ocean Blue, and a little less In August of 2019, Columbus sailed the ocean blue

and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

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she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So, so then Kevin's saying Kyle's like okay, so Kevin so we talked about having like the cheerleaders being out here already So I want the cheerleaders to make an entrance and he's like no They're gonna be out here for you. So when you're walking out, they're gonna cheer for you and he's like no they're gonna be out here for you So when you're walking out there gonna cheer for you and she's like Me I mean no wonder no wonder you do Lisa Vanderpump's party. This is sounding very

Lisa Vanderpump and then she's like oh darling don't make it about me don't make it about me make it about me make it About me which is very funny. She does a very good Vanderpump But I just think it's hilarious that Kyle is trying to do this faux humble moment like she wants you just can't you cannot be modest and throw a party at a stadium at the same time like you can't be stupid and smart at the same time okay Kyle you can't so Sutton takes her daughter shopping, Porter blink five times if you need help. Like girl, Porter looks like she's always been kidnapped. She looks like kidnapped for a video.

Like let me know how to get to you, okay? Just give me some kind of hint. I will help you, Porter. I will help you. Porter seems like a nice girl. She has been kidnapped by her mother and And you know, at that moment, Porter had to make up an excuse to the sisters of Kappa Kappa Gamma to say why she couldn't attend tonight's Catillion like party or whatever.

Because, you know, the entire time she's there, she's like, Mother, this is really nice. But if I don't get back to Cindy and CeCe, I am going to be kicked out of the sorority mother. Get me out of you The lady is like, hi sudden. How are you probably better now that Porter's home am I right? She's like, oh Porter Yeah, she she's here. I mean I rested a diet coke on her earlier and that worked So Porter did you remember the ocean breeze in your purse? Yes mother good girl. Go look at. Go look at the foes over there. Look at the faux diamonds. One of the benefits of naming your daughter Porter is that she knows what she's

going to be in life. Ocean spray please. So they're looking around at jewelry and we get a set in scene about how Sutton is so proud to be independent now. Okay, listen, Kyle's not the only delusional ass on this show, and that's kind of one of the reasons we love Beverly Hills, I think no matter what happens. They find the most delusional people to be on her show on this show. You are not independent. In what fucking world are you independent? I mean, listen, congratulations on opening your store. But the way she keeps going, wow, I even kept my store open during the pandemic.

You had rent paid by you make $300,000 a month. What are you talking about? I was watching the scene and the entire time I was thinking of you. I was thinking of you just sitting there taking notes, just shaking your head. I was like, I know what, this is a scene for Ronnie. This is a scene for a Ronnie rant. I was like, I know what, this is a scene for Ronnie. This is a scene for a Ronnie rant.

I was like, I know, I may not even say anything. So just the victory lap of, I mean just the victory lap of look what I did. Kept my store open. I'm doing this all alone. How many pair of fucking leggings did you sell to buy $70,000 earrings today? Please stop.

I do applaud her for being a businesswoman and for keeping her store open and finding a path in life where she can feel independence. But these thoughts did enter my mind as well. I won't lie. Come on. I'm not saying she doesn't deserve the money.

I mean, she had the kids, she raised the kids as part of the marriage. I'm not saying anything like that. It's just a victory lap of, wow, I've done it myself. I'm an independent woman. I know she kind of is acting like, like, I agree. She fully deserves that money. She deserves even more money. And I'm glad she has that money. But she is sort of acting like her little Sutton boutique right there and like around the corner from, you know, Gracia's Madre, she's kind of acting like she launched McDonald's or something like it's just

an everywhere. Like she is now like a corporate, you know, Bill Gates, I don't know. I'm losing my words everyone. I'm overwhelmed by the situation. But yeah. I'm overwhelmed my words, everyone. I'm overwhelmed by the situation. But, yeah. I'm overwhelmed with my own porno. Honestly, after watching this.

I am over, honestly, I am a little overwhelmed. I'm like, I was so excited when I had my birthday party this year at a tequila bar. And I was like, I think I've made it. I've like, I didn't pay for an open bar or anything, but I, but I have a birthday party and now Caller Richards has a party at a stadium and I'm like, I've so far to go. Yeah. So they browse and Martin is showing off a tennis bracelet with springs. So that way, you know, you don't have to shove your hand in there as hard. You can just kind of

spring the diamonds around your hand. Um, and it's $455,000, which I mean, I get paying for convenience, but you know what? It's called get too long pieces of plastic and make a lanyard. That's what I say. 45. I'll shove it on your fucking wrist for 200. Half price.

Go visit our sponsor, Quince, and buy yourself something cute for $75 instead. Yeah. So the lady's like, oh, you don't need anybody to put it on with spring satin. And she's like, well, there is no one to trust, to put it on. Trust me. I have no one. I have an independent woman. Avi put this on.

I know. I can't. It pops out of her purse for giant Birkin. She's like, I felt bad that Avi wasn't allowed in the jewelry store. You know, he was on the other side of that, like the, like the security door with the guard, just holding up ocean spray and like, I'm ready when she needs me. So next she looks at an $89,000 ring and she's like, my previous life asking for permission isn't fun, but now, you know, I have my own freedom to buy my own jewelry.

I don't have to wait for Christian. I can do whatever I want. And there's no guilt around it. So I'm buying it. I own Walmart. That's what you get when you came up with the initial formula for OxyCotin. So quick. Guess what?

I own a Cobalt mine. Come at me Prius. Doxy Cotton. So quick. Guess what? I don't want a cobalt mind. Come at me Prius. So I don't even know what I'm saying. I don't know. I should just stop today. So she tries on a $9 million ring, which is exciting. And then she has her daughter pick out some earrings for her. She picks out some nice ones.

And then she does, She does. I mean, Sutton's been taking a lot of victory laps this season and like I'm happy for her because I literally love Sutton. But I don't, I think you can only have this moblog so many times in one season. So here she is again. I've struggled with a lot of things since mother of course. And I think all of my children kind of saw me sink a little bit and I really want all of them, but especially Porter to see me thriving and not see me being a cliche of a wealthy woman sitting around planning gala's in a moomoo with bomb bombs.

I'm like, so instead you're going to go extravagantly jewelry shopping. It's definitely a different- So you're a wealthy woman sitting around planning gala's and not a moomoo with ocean spray instead of bond bonds. Like what's the shame? What's the shame?

Where's the shame in the previous sentence? You know what I mean? Was it the moomoo? Was it the bond bonds? I don't, I, I aspire to that life. I want to be a wealthy woman sitting around planning galas eating in a moomoo. Eating bonbons. That's so nice.

Why are you like shaming my life? My dream life. But I also like her saying, Porter, we don't do that. We gotta work. And by work, I mean, spend about an hour and a half in the middle of a work day here, just putting on fancy jewelry.

And by the way, you're not getting anything. Mom's not buying you anything. It's been such a long journey. And I think, oh, well, now it gets sad. Now it gets to real things. I can't make fun of it. So she's, um, she's, oh, well, no, it's just divorce. I saw daddy. I was like, oh, no, don't make fun of that. Sorry. It's a landmine lately. Bravo. Jesus Christ. And then it gets to something so dark. And I'm like, okay, well, let's put the brakes on. But she's talking about divorce and she's like, you know, it was so hard on me

When daddy said he was moving and it just cuts to Porter's face and she's like, I know, please don't please don't cry again Please mom, please Like who do you think had to take the brunt of this fucking Porter? She just got out leave her alone Don't drag her into this scene. Porter clearly does not want to be. Listen, I just want you to know, like going forward in your life, keep your independence, fall in love,

have babies, meet a man, know that you'll be fulfilled by that man, and then keep your independence too, and never lose that person. And don't let that hard worker in you go Even though we haven't really seen any evidence of you being a hard worker, but you know, maybe you can Shadow your brother while he sticks his hand up vending machines So then Kyle and her daughters are all arriving at the party the big right party and

The budget for this party was $400,000. $400,000. $400,000. Come on. That's not true, is it? That, well, I believe it. I mean, I mean, SoFi Stadium is, I can't imagine that's like a $30 down payment.

That's expensive. I think that was given to them though. Whoever owns it was like, you film here for free. Kyle's not spent, listen, I get that we're supposed to believe these people are dripping with money and Kyle really is, the agency is huge, but no, I don't believe that they spent 100 bucks. Well, Kevin Lee's gonna cost a ton of money.

There's the floor. Those palm trees are, well they show, throughout this show, the palm trees are $14,000 alone. You got the food, you got this and that, you got parking, you got security, you got insurance, you got like all these things. It is, but $400,000 is, is so wildly. Um, there are people that are dying.

It's just ridiculous. I'm sorry. And Morgan Wade wasn't even there, by the way. Not that that has anything to do with the budget. Sorry, that was a two separate thoughts. I was like, wow, I wonder how much Morgan costs. Morgan Wade must cost at least a box of Triscuits. Morgan Wade works for a K tattoo and a fucking neon sign

that says Morgan Wade hung above her to sing. But why wasn't Morgan Wade there? She had that little concert. She's busy, she's a very busy person doing singing things. Off being Morgan Wade, you know? When you look at all the magazines, magazines, magazines, Morgan Wade, Morgan Wade, everywhere you turn, it's Morgan Wade, darling.

She had to perform at the Little Miss Trap Festival. Where it's a beauty pageant for trap. You got real pretty mouth. Trout, trout. I'm sorry, Morgan, could you find less creepy ways to compliment, to judge the contestants? What am I supposed to say? Hey, really love how you move that tail. Morgan. Creeping us out, Morgan. The winner of Little Miss Trout 2023 and the recipient of a K tattoo from Cali Richards is trout number three, Samantha.

Best sucker lips I ever saw. Okay. You were doing, you were doing great there for a while For me on the kitchen floor you were flopping around looking for water First time I fuck that try we're on the kitchen floor. Okay. Okay. Let's cut the musical appearance story here It's a sad thing to think that what I used to breathe is what suffocates you But at least we can kiss. OK, Morgan Wade is now making out with a trout.

Can we cut to commercials? We don't have advertisers for this. It's the damn trout pageant. Pretty sure we have a commercial for Trout McDonald's. Actually, we do have a commercial for Trap McDonald's. Actually, we do have a commercial for Sutton. Yeah. I'm worldwide. I'm worldwide.

OK, so they find we find out that Kevin Lee has put a big Kyle that's reminiscent of the Chanel logo on the dance floor for Kyle. And he's like, what do you think I'm gonna do? I'm dazzling you. And she's like, oh my god, my god's green earth. I cannot believe it. Is this hard to take off?

We have to take this off. I cannot have it saying Kyle. Could you put a picture of Jamie Lee Curtis? Jamie Lee Curtis, yes. Could you superimpose Jamie Lee Curtis's head shot being really impressed? Maybe the cover of Home Alone, looking at the name Kyle.

She's not a winner now. Kyle, again, Kyle acting like this party is not about her when the only people that are there are Kyle's friends as far as we can tell, right? So he's like, no no I can't take this off So she says you know I want the so-fi stadium ground to open up and just swallow me Why is Kevin not getting this that this party is not about me? It's about that. I know lots of people God, you know he's used to throwing parties for other people that do think the party is all about him that them

That's why kind of don't act like you are not self involved with every single party you do. And as you should be, I mean, the hat, that's half the reason to throw a party. Well, look, I know that we give Kyle a lot of shit and I know that when people are listening to the show, it gets annoying. Cause sometimes we have a balance. Like we're one of us, like somebody and one of us doesn't like that person. There's like a balance. But when there's not a balance, I think especially hard because we're just like

constantly hating on this person. I just want to tell all those people out there who love Kyle and are still listening to this, Hey, why are you doing it? Cause it's just, it's just pain for yourself. But also I'm sorry. And I want to give credit where credit is due. And that is when Kyle said, I want the SoFi stadium ground to open up and swallow me.

I thought, Kyle, after 13 years, you finally come up with a watchable storyline. Thank you. There's your credit. Yeah. Volcano too. They finally come up with a sequel. It's no longer. So for the ball grand tar pits, it's just under SoFi Stadium, just lava chasing Kyle. Okay. So then Kyle's like, Oh my God, I cannot believe that. And Sophie is like, everyone's gonna be on the dance floor

anyways, mom, it's not like anyone's gonna notice. She's like, oh, then light it, God damn it. So then it says unwanted custom tile and Kyle's dignity, $450. So now, actually, it's more like the tile cost $450 and and caused dignity. So everyone is getting ready and people are in glam. Amarie Marcellus are in glam. Garcells and her glam. Garcells telling her glam person like, Oh, well, Erica's

performing. So I said to Denise and she goes, Oh, she's in a good place. And I said, yeah, I think she is. She's really excited about her residency. And she goes, you can do that. And I go, what do you mean? You can do that. And she goes, you can lip sync. It's a long way to go for a pretty okay punch line.

So then Eric and Mikey come to the event and Mikey's like, why is the floor so Kyle? They're like, why is that so Kyle? And Eric's like, I don't give a fuck, it's not my party. I'm here to work. It's a very important gig for me. So far, stadium, here she is, boys. And then Rob and Crystal are getting ready

and Rob is using a snit that Lucy didn't get his jacket. Where's my jacket? I said I needed my jacket and Lucy didn't pick it up from the dry cleaner. I mean how am I supposed to wear a goat and get a white jacket at this point in time? It is ridiculous. And then let's see, Dereep's FaceTiming PK. Oh my gosh gosh she's like baby baby there you are I'm missing you baby no too honey can't believe you've got this big thing tonight and I'm not here there for it he's still in London for work and he knew he knew this white party was important to me and still he wouldn't come in town from London just to hop, skip and jump and a hello and he couldn't even do it for me.

For eight months ago, PK, had you been in London all this time and had to keep delaying your return I know that it would have created a bit of resentment in me. Yeah, but babe, I wouldn't have done this for eight months would I? Because I wouldn't have extended my trip then because you were not in a place that I would have been able to do that. I wanted to do that. But now look at you, strong over there. Look at you holding yourself up. I mean, that's amazing. Would you put on clothes today? Fucking amazing. Amazing work. I've got the AmEx bill showing me that you've actually been out of the house quite every day. It's quite big bill there, something.

But you did do that, Bubba. You did. You did do that. So she's basically saying, you know, like he's saying that he knows my PTSD, but his actions don't show it. So once again, like a few weeks ago, I'm just like, okay, okay, I know what's going to happen. We're going to have the white party and PK is gonna walk in with some flowers and Derit's gonna be

crying and all happy but um actually that never happens he really is just in London yeah look expecting him to not work and to come to a white party I don't know that that's reasonable I get that she's feeling alone and stuff but it's Derit so I don't know I I mean, we listen to Dereet talk. I can understand why someone would want to be gone for long periods of time. And I think she really did amend with that whole, when he tried to do that pretty woman thing for her and tried to make this big romantic gesture and then she shat all over it the entire time. I think that was pretty much the end of the line for the Dereet

and PK marriage. Yeah. Yeah, I think that was it I mean he got you Berlin. I mean ladies and gentlemen Nobody there's nobody there now because you you didn't appreciate your pretty woman So he had a he had kind of an anniversary party suggesting that you were a whore that lucked out and marrying him I mean have a big deal. Well, when are we gonna start seeing the romance and things again, Doreet? There's nothing left because literally Berlin said take my breath away and the breath has been taken away. It's gone.

Now it's just... There's no more breath. It's just like a triad on a kitchen floor being serenaded to by Morgan Wade. Yeah, and she's like, wait a minute, I'm just Scott here. And he's like, all right, well, let's just get you through tonight then, shall we darling? She's like, okay, let's do this. It's gonna be difficult, but let's do it. So she goes into glam.

And then we're back at Kyle's white party in the SoFi Stadium. I just wanted the Jumbo trying to turn on and Van der Pumps face to slowly illuminate. Hello everyone, Nick and Elaine, and I would like to welcome you to the newly minted Vanderpump Stadium. No, whilst you've all gathered here

for ostensibly a white party, I've locked the doors and I'm transforming it into a pink party. Whoa! And all the doors and I'm transforming it into a pink party and all the floors and all the pit will palm trees all sun turn pink the only way to get out is to find the key which I've carefully hidden inside Kyle Richard It's a very elegant saw. It's a very elegant saw. Kyle Hunting party. Commercials, here comes one right now. So um, or I guess as a, I guess this, this would not be called saw. I think with this cast it'd be more like scene.

Um, it's past tense. So Mariso shows up. This would not be called saw. I think with this cast it'd be more like scene. It's past tense. So Marisa shows up, he's like, yeah, I'm showing up with Alexia's boyfriend, Jake, and I say, hello to cheerleaders, good to see you. I'm feeling vibes, yeah. Like I'm feeling my wife's hosting this thing, like where's Kyle, where's Kyle? I'm feeling a lot of vibes right now, yeah.

Hello to a bunch of women I haven't slept with, but would if given the opportunity, my number is in the phone book. We'll see you later. That's actually on the internet too. Okay, I'm just, yeah. You might recognize me. I'm the guy with an A on a red hat.

I did it before Trump. Okay, I did it before Trump. She did it before the Trump, sorry. Yeah, I did it before Trump. Little late Camille. Sorry, but I wasn't invited. It takes a really long time to get to Maui. I mean, to so far from...

It takes a long time to get to so far. Yeah. Seconds of a long time. It's a long traffic. Because there's so much traffic. Right. And it's just like, it's allowed to do it. But it's worth it in the end.

Yeah, devastating. So upsetting. I'm never gonna get that right. How many years was that? I'm never gonna remember that. So how sad that we're gonna be celebrating. Somebody else's. Yeah, when we're on the same day that we hear about our friends.

So upsetting. I know. It is still the funniest clip. Camille, Maricio just coming in. They're like, okay, I feel like you have still a lot of sentence left to get through, so let me just do this for you. She's like, yeah. So upsetting. Right.

Pernicious. Okay, so Kyle's getting her glam with her kids and then Erica's getting her glam. And Mikey's like, we haven't done a show in four years. So I mean, I just like feel there's extra pressure to be like, oh my God, what is this glam look? What is that? What? So, and Erica's like, God, I could do anything you want me to do. I could do a

swim cap, bitch, not even a cap, a vessel. This pussy's in a vessel. Pat the vessel, Fox. I don't give a fuck, vessel. Oh, they're in the swim cap. I don't give a fuck. Okay, how about we get the designer who made this outfit and just put him in a little tiny jail cell in dangling above all the rich people. It'll be fine. So Crystal and Rob show up and they say hi to Mauricio and then Sutton shows up and there's a, by the way, for reasons that don't fully

make sense, even though it's a white party, there's a lady on Stilts, I think in red or she's on a platform in the tunnel that they have to go by. It was almost like, clearly, one of the vendors had like a freebie, like rent, rent eight waiters and get a lady in red on a platform for free. So they're like, it was kind of random. Yeah, you can't just throw a person in stilts for no reason. You have to have that person surrounded by other people and funny things, you know, like a clown or, I don't just throw a person in stilts for no reason. You have to have that person surrounded by other people and funny things, you know, like a clown or I don't know, a backbender.

Yeah, something like that. So I was like, oh, you're very tall. I mean, wow, you're exceptionally tall. Well, congratulations on you, lady. You're working, you're working, you're independent up there. Wow, this is quite the spread, Mauricio. I was like, yeah, Yeah, we decided to throw something small. I don't know, I don't even know what's happening.

Our college is told me to be here right now. So I think Garcelle, who still has no shame about dissing somebody for not drinking, which I think is hilarious. I think it's the shittiest thing to be like, oh they're not drinking, what a loser! But Garcelle is just sticking to that this whole season. So she comes in and she looks around at this huge party and she's like, wow, well for someone who doesn't drink and would rather stay home and read books, this is a little bit of a contradiction. I mean, can you imagine a sober person having a party? But I mean, Garcelle is right. because Kyle has really framed herself as someone like,

I don't even like to go out. You know, Marisa, all he wants to do is just go out and have a party. I just want to stay in. I want to read a book. I want to go kayaking. I want to be in nature. And then she throws a party in Sova Stadium.

So let's see, Kyle's still getting ready. Her and her daughters are all, you know, getting their dresses on and Kyle has She couldn't get the miniature horse. So she's wearing the miniature horse She's got like a horse hair dress on that they have to come out. So I love that somehow I guess we know where Lisa's deceased went Kyle just Heard music that and had a damn dress made out of it for her finale party. I mean, Kyle's really cold.

So now more people, Faye Resnick shows up with some, like she's like escorted onto the field. By the way, another thing is that that is a long walk from the tunnel to the party. You have to really just walk. I literally hate this party. I'm looking at this, I'm just so resentful of this party. I didn't even, I was mad at Beyonce. I was like, you fucking kidding me? Do you know me? Do you

know how much you have to pay to sit eight flights of stairs up and then you have to walk through that hole? You can't get dropped off. You have to walk through a whole fucking parking lot. It was not good. My watch was like, you're exercising! You're exercising! You want to count it? You're exercising! I was like, I'm going to get popcorn. Fucking aid. Yeah. And then Marcelus, meanwhile, he is like, so I mean, Emory and Marcelus come in

and of course he's reliving his glory days as a football player and he's like, he's pretending like he's actually at the Super Bowl or just any game. He's like, yeah, let's go baby. And then Cynthia Bailey shows up with Jeff Lewis and Garcelle is talking about finding a husband. And then Cynthia and Sutton are talking to Jeff

about his face work. And then, and then what, is it Cynthia or was it, was it Cynthia or was it Sutton that spilled on Jeff? All I know is that he was probably not a happy camper about that. Yeah. I think it's Cynthia. I don't know. He's like, can I have one of those napkins Sutton? And she's like, oh, sorry, we're looking at Kyle right now. Okay. He's Kyle's right there. Kyle's on the football field.

She's like, um, people who've gotten interest coming in. Anyone? Okay. Here's all the girls. They're walking in. They're walking in. Where's Mauricio though? Where is he? Yeah, we've been looking for him since that memorial service. Haven't seen him. Where's Mauricio? Where's Mauricio? Mauricio is over at the buffet, actually. He spends a good amount of time over by those chafers. Where the fuck else is a husband gonna be? Look towards the meatballs, okay?

Does he literally have a single friend at this party? Like he came in with his daughter's boyfriend Jake I mean there's no one for him to talk to Yeah, so he is in fact eating meatballs at the buffet table And the producer is like oh Mauricio is coming. I'm Mauricio Kyle's coming. He's like like right now. I'm eating right now Come on. All right. Well, I guess I'll have to speed up. Okay. So, um, uh, so he's, he's eating his meatballs and then there, Maricio goes and meets them at the, he goes down there and he meets them like, Hey, how are you? And of course, like, he's kind of like

trying to like hug and kiss, but Kyle's like, no, I'm doing my entrance to the white party. So they just kind of- Yeah, what part of me entering without you did you misconstrue? Like, I purposely did this. I purposely put meatballs out so that I could get the stunt. So I could have a solo, like me and the girls. The girls and I are going to have our entrance without you. Fuck this. And he's like, come on, you girls are slaying.

So they all go in and join the party and all that. And you know, Kyle's doing her, and Kyle's like telling off Jeff Lewis and Jess. She's like, you and your damn fucking podcast, talking shit about me. It's a radio show, how dare you? How dare you de How dare you? the elevate yeah and Because the thing was that Jeff was saying that Kyle was on a zempic

So then Jeff is like well you've lost more weight and she goes I am very fit and I've never taken a diet drug You better fix it. He's like I did I fix it this morning. She's okay. I love you. I love you So then more air kisses, you know, it's like a finale. Everyone's coming. Erin and Denise come and Denise is in white, but she's also wearing like a pink high school letter jacket, letterman jacket or whatever you call them. And to read, it's like, oh, look at you.

It's Denise. You look like a little cheerleader for the color pink. Oh, OK. Is PK here? Out! Oh, out! Out! No, no PK. No, he's in London. I know, I was just telling them, wait a minute.

Is Pink even allowed here? Trying to get it my marriage. I'll destroy her color choices! I know, Dorita has this whole thing where she's like after what happened last time when I commented on her jacket I don't think I want to touch that but darling it's a white party and you're wearing pink as a white party. I'm like okay, calm down. And Denise like wow. So then Kyle is talking to Faye and she's like oh my god do you remember the first white parties we did like literally we had to like make our own photo booth. You remember that?

We'd like had to paint stencils like we had to paint stencils so that we could have like a background That was crazy being poor right? Oh my god that first one just going so slowly down the 405 Did you say white party or white Bronco? I don't remember Now everyone's dancing and partying on and Sutton and Garcelle are talking about Sutton's new earrings and Garcelle's like, whoa, are those worth the new kitchen in my beach house? Yes. Oh, by the way, if you heard from Steve, haha. And so I was like, yes, I heard from Steve. I heard from him like two days after he ghosted me, which by the way, if you hear from someone two days after they ghosted you, that means you just heard

from them someone two days ago. Like two days later. That's not a ghost. That's not a ghost. If you text someone they didn't get back to you two days, for two days, well, I don't like that personally, but it's not really a ghost, but it is a Peter off, I will say say speaking of Peter

So so she's like over it. She's like, you know what that's not good enough for me I need someone who also by the way isn't in middle management. Let's just not forget that he really is we're not gonna do that either Yeah, oh listen Two episodes was a very very long time to be with a poor person. Okay. He can't even play darts well. So he can't even do poor things. Well, how am I ever supposed to expect him to get to rich things? So Garcella and son, sorry, would you say he thought Celine Dion design bags?

I mean, I've said, I thought about it. I decided that was offensive. I think I confessed this last time, but I really did too. The first time I thought I heard Celine, that's how gay I am though. Everyone thinks I've got what a straight guy think to think that, you know, it doesn't even know who Celine the designer

is. I think it's really gay because the only Celine I could even fathom is Celine Dion, you know? I was like, Celine makes bags now? I totally did that. I thought there was no other Celine. There is no other Celine. And I thought Phyleen actually had a basement.

Doesn't, no basement. Hello there. This is a two part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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