Watch What Crappens - #2335 RHOM: Reality Bites

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

The Real Housewives of Miami season finale (S06E17) offers emotional moments, passionate fights, and one itinerant pig.  In other words, we’re gasping, crying, and laughing all at once it seems. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes on Patreon!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously, but hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watchra Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and with me is the beautiful and cheerful Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Well, hello, how are you, Ben? I am fabulous. This is such a big, exciting week for us. Tickets went on sale for our very first shows in Europe, London, Dublin, and Birmingham. We are performing there late May. Tickets are on sale to the public Friday, February 23rd. I don't know when you're listening to this. Chances are they may already be on sale. Go to Watchrapplers.com to get those tickets. And also we are in the Netflix is a joke comedy festival and we shall be performing at the Kukabara

lounge on I believe May 3rd. That is in the Ovation Complex at Hollywood and Highland and our dear friend Katie Gazorla. That is her club. But we're going to have a wonderful, super fun time. It's going to be a rad night. So tickets for that are also on our website. And don't forget you can also watch us on video via crappism demand by going to our Patreon and our Patreon bonus episode this week was a recap of the season finale of Southern hospitality, which was a hilarious finale. So we love that show. We want we are bandwidth is we have a we're stretched right now. So we put that show. We want we are bandwidth is we have a

We're stretched right now. So we put it on the bonus episode because we want to make sure we have bonus content every week and go check that out patreon.com slash watch where cravens and now without any further ado it is time to discuss what in my opinion was the superior season finale of Wednesday night real housewives of Miami. What'd you think, Ronnie? Wow, wow, wow, wow. That was great, love Miami. I love it.

So good. What a colorful, cartoony show. Spoiler alert, there's a big old man boner in this episode. I mean, are they just allowed to do anything on TV? Keep your old, old man boners at home. I don't need that shit on my TV. It was disturbing. I saw my future in front of me.

I mean, this is that is so this show. Nicole's father may he rest in peace. The very last image we get a dad old man, a dad old man's boner, a ghost of a boner. We saw this is how Miami sends out this man. Your final scene on this show, your final scene on Earth. This Earth is your boner. Boner.

I mean, they showed like dancing. They were like, may he rest in peace? He had a baby arm. God bless him. And you know what? That's probably exactly how he would have liked to have gone out. So, I mean, this show really has it all.

It has drama and has tears, it has boners. There's something for everyone on Miami. I tried something- His ghost was up there in heaven, like, I still got it. Still got it. Yep. Yeah, so anyway, big, big finale. It was so great, such a great show, such a great season.

And also, I think this is the very first time in the history of the franchise since 2007 or eight when the show began, when the first Real Housewives aired. That friend ofs actually got a final update. Normally, that's reserved for the full-time cast members only, but Adriana, Marisol and Kiki all got updates on what happened with their lives after filming ended. That's how good this show is. Yeah, it was a very long time. I mean, this show, they started credits about 20 minutes before the end because there were a lot of people, a lot of people to go through.

This is a stacked cast. This might be one of the best cast on reality television. So, let's do it. We know it's gonna be a glorious episode because we open with one of our favorite things from the season, Larsa and Marcus with a podcast. So, it's being set up exactly how you would think. I'm so sorry, I'm so distracted by the story going on outside my window.

I have the hottest task, grab it. He's so big and meaty, just beefy. I wanna see a picture of him. Is he muscular or is he muscly? I mean, he's husky, raw. I mean, in Texas, it's probably, where I'm from is considered muscular, but I don't think there's a muscle on him,

but there is definitely some ham. There's some ham. And he's lifting things, you know? He's fixing a fence by himself, lifting big panels and mixing cement down there. Sexy. I just can't stop watching it. I just think it's so fascinating.

I mean, not only is he handsome and big and meaty, but it's just watching men do menly things that I don't do, like fix a fence, you know? He was describing to me how to fix a fence. He's like, here's what I gotta to do. I got to put a post. This post wasn't long enough. The post needs to be about this long. And it was only about this long. So I'm going to dig a hole for that post. I'm going to make a long post. And I've got

to get some cement down there. And I was just watching him like this is like the hottest our planet I've ever seen. Like, I don't know what he's talking about, but it seems like nature. And fascinating. I'm so happy for you. That's so exciting to have a hot handyman. I actually I mean, I did it that way on purpose because you know, on Task Grab, you can see pictures. So yeah, I picked, I picked. It was like the bachelor. I had a, I have a door in my house that like warped and then it like wasn't opening. And so it was sort of the bottom of it needed to be shaved or it need to be realigned or whatever. So my friend, I asked my friend for a handyman recommendation and she goes,

I have this guy. He's absolutely wonderful. He's really great. His name is Alfredo. And I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe I'm turning it to Heather DeBrow. I literally, I literally hired someone named Alfredo. And I was like, please tell me his name really is Alfredo because otherwise I am really Heather DeBrow right now. That's funny. Okay, so this starts with them setting up just how you think it would with Marcus doing all the work and Larissa just standing around. She's like, need any help like, like I feel like, you might like need some like I feel

like help like. No, I'm okay, babe. I'm okay. Yeah. Hey, how was playing on paddle? I gotta be honest. Yeah, about what babe? Gotta be honest. Like I feel like I was being like interrogated

by Kiki about your dad. And like, I don't wanna like talk about your dad like, like I wanna talk to you about your dad and like your relationship with your dad. I just wanna see your dad's name a lot, but like not actually have to do with the Ramaphosa cushions of dating you like. Like, well, like maybe at some point

he'll clarify what he meant by, but I wouldn't bet on that. Yeah. Like 100%, I understand why Larsa would have been upset by what my dad said, you know? And she was like, yeah, I was like, what the hell like? And he's like, but I think like L I think like Larsa was like a little more refined, like, whoa, I'm starting to do it like.

Yeah, cause like, I feel like this is like something you guys should like talk about like, like, you know, and he was like, well, my dad was in Paris and then he was asked if he approves. And then at first you just like laughed, but then they asked again. And then that's when he let out an emphatic no. He phaticked? Yeah. Did it smell?

Did they talk about a smelling? Why didn't anybody say that he phaticked? That's so gross like. Yeah, but like my dad texted, like I had a time to make sure that like we didn't take it the wrong way. He said specifically, when I said no, I don't, I'm like, I don't, I'm not in favor of the relationship.

I don't approve the relationship. I just want to make sure, son, that you know that I really am not in favor. I just want to make sure you don't take it out of context. There was no joking. I really can't stand her. Yeah, like that's crazy. There was no joking. I really can't stand her. Yeah, like that's crazy because like I thought it you thought it was funny but like everyone online said that I was like lying about it like everybody being okay. And he's like well if there was truly any red flags I would have heard. So then the producer was like okay well have you hung

out with Michael Jordan since you guys have been together. And he's like, oh, well, I mean, he just wants me to be happy, which is why he won't meet Lars face to face. But I mean, he hasn't met any of the women I've dated. I mean, look, there was Phil Jackson's wife, I dated her. There was Horace Grant's wife, I dated her. Dennis Rodman's wife at one point, I dated her. Yeah, just never dated.

I just wanted his attention, but he won't give it to me. So Larissa's like, I mean, like, your dad is like really busy like, so it's like not like a priority like, yeah, I feel like my dad's gonna be like, okay, with whoever I end up with. That's my mom's the one you gotta make sure she likes the person I'm dating with.

And she fucking loves Larissa. She loves Larissa. And you know, like Marcus's mom's at home just like gritting her teeth. She's great. As long as my son's happy, I'm happy. Totally happy with Larsa. She's like, everything's going to be fine as long as you get the prenup. As long as you got the prenup. Mom's like, yeah, I mean, do I have fond memories of getting drinks with Larsa in 1993 when you were eight years old? I do.

I do. When double dates with Larsa back then, but, uh, thought she was my, uh, my friend, not my future daughter-in-law. You were the first six times she was pregnant. So that was, uh, that was fun. Um, so, uh, Larsa fun. So, Barz is like, I just don't like wanted to lick, be like a problem like because like I feel like,

you know, like parents, that's not a vibe. Yeah, that's not a vibe. My parents wanna see me happy and I feel like I've never been this happy with anyone like. And so then we go over to Nicole hanging out in her her condo with Gertie and Gertie does it again where she walks into someone's house and she goes, Hello, Clarice. Yes.

What is it? Did Gertie just see Silence of the Lambs? Why is she walking into places saying hello, Clarice? Yeah, it's it's a scary. It's a scary reference. It's so weird. It's a weird way to enter. So Clarice. It's it's a scary. It's a scary. So weird. It's a weird way to enter.

So I was like, oh, I was just in my closet. I was trying to figure out what to wear to this Havana night themed night. And Gordy's like, oh, I just gained like 10 pounds just lying in bed for seven days, seven full days in bed, in bed. I goodified my bed. So she says that Gordy's saying that the trip to Mexico is supposed to be her final hurrah before chemo, but it wound up being a nightmare on M street. I was like, okay, so you're just really into terrifying movies. We know what Gertie did this whole time in bed.

She watched terrifying fucking movies. So Nicole's like, oh, it's been like four months since they took out my IUD. And so like the hormones now are like back to where they're supposed to be because now it won't have. So maybe I'm going to get pregnant. You better watch out because like Rosemary's baby, you saw that one, right? Things don't work out great. The power of Christ compels you to have a baby.

So, um, so anyway, Gertie was saying how that Adriana's party, her Havana nights party is gonna be her last, it's her last big hurrah, her last big date night because Kimo starts the very next day. And once she's on Kimo, she really can't see anyone because it's too dangerous. So she's gonna be doing Kimo one session every three weeks for four sessions.

So it's gonna be a three month journey for her. And because it's Miami, we go from chemo talk to straight into, oh my God, chemo, it's gonna be something. By the way, have you talked about, have you seen Larsa? Did you see the message in the group chat? Larsa said I bit her, I'm like, what? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. And then we see a flashback on the gondola,

the gondola of drama, where, you know, Gertie's drunk and also has altitude sickness, early onset altitude sickness. And she's having a fun time with Lara, so she goes, and she kind of like does the little bitey thing, whatever. And Lara's like, ew, like, and because like, but I thought you guys were like also fine in Mexico. Like it's probably something like so stupid that you guys were like hugging and you were like, oh, we're getting along.

And then you're going, yeah, that's exactly what it was. It was just like, you know what it was like? It was like when I had a lecture, just like ate that guard's face off of it. It was just something like gentle and fun and pleasant. You know what, look, did I want fava beans with it? Sure, of course, but you know, still for fun. And she's like, but she's just-

Did I say quick bro quo afterwards? Perhaps. But you know what? She had to make it sensational. And you know, why does she have to be a clickbait whore? Why is she whore about clickbaiting? And would you see a headline that says, Larsa Pippen reveals a real house as a Miami coast are bit her,

which does make it sound like there was a vicious fight. Yeah. Which is annoying for Bernie probably. So, she's like, oh my God, in Mexico, we were crying and holding on to each other. And I said, we're going to be great friends. And then she does this mind blown, mind blown, like that movie where all the people's heads started exploding on the news. You know what?

I mean, and do you understand how difficult it would be to have your mind blown if you have like 45 pins stuck in your head? I'm pinhead. So, Gertie. She's a real hellraiser of that one. I'm running out of horror movies because I don't like to watch them.

I was talking about Scanners. Scanners was the movie I was talking about. In case anybody wants to watch it. in case anybody's having a rough time and you want to watch a movie about heads blowing up, scanners, 1992. And I only thought about Pinhead because I thought about heads, and that was the only horror movie I could think of very quickly

that had to do with heads. And it was actually 1981. I was in the wrong decade and the wrong year. Okay, whatever. Let's just move on. This is dying. This is dying fast. It's dying on the table. Like they didn't say away from rain gutters. There are no clowns

down there. It's a lie. So Gertie is like basically like, you know, and then like, I'm like, don't you have other things to think about? Like Michael Jordan doesn't like you. Okay, baby. Oh, how funny with that. Don't you have better things to worry about? Michael Jordan doesn't like you. Worry about that. Worry about that, baby.

So just a summary for people who are like, who like maybe weren't, we're cooking pasta if you're coming back and listening to us. So Real House of Miami, we have someone who's about to undergo chemo, but she's in the middle of a tabloid frenzy about being accused of biting someone else. And that other person is in their own tabloid frenzy where Michael Jordan hates them.

So that's where we're at with the show so far. Yeah, pretty fun times. No complaint so far. No notes so far. What's next, Ben? I'll tell you what's next. This was this. What's next is me pulling out my hair because I, we're taking notes on this show

and I'm watching off of YouTube TV. And one thing is that when I take notes, I feel like I'm often having to hit the five second rewind, but it's really like a 15 second or 10 second rewind. And I was like, you know what? I spent so much time going back and having to like rewatch over and over again. I feel like it's actually adding on

to how long it takes me to write notes. So let me try something different. Why don't I watch this show at three quarters speed? Cause you can do that on YouTube TV. And that way it'll be a little slower and I can type it and I won't get behind. And it will actually save me time by going actually a little slower.

So I decided to watch this episode at three-quarter speed, which was fine until we got to this scene when I had to listen to Peter talk to his mother. And if you thought Peter talking at normal speed was tough, try listening to Peter talk at three-quarter speed. And I'm not even being, I'm not even trying to be like funny. I'm literally like, you sit there and watching Peter say things like, yeah, might as well be useful and help you out, mom.

I'm like, that's him at normal speed. And of hearing him at three quarter speed, if you ever want to understand what torture is like, do that to yourself. Like this is how you get information out of criminals. You play scenes with Peter at three quarter speed and they will fast, they will sing like canaries. That's funny.

Yeah, Peter, wow. So Peter, I can tell you one thing that has not changed about Peter, energy levels, okay? No. Oh no, no. So let's see. He's like, no. So Lexi- For someone not cooking, you sure have a lot of boxes in your kitchen.

Yes, because Alexia, they moved into the new apartment and she doesn't like clutter. So she left all her boxes in the hallway, which I'm sure her neighbors loved. And now she's brought in Peter to come bring the boxes inside and unpack them.

Yes. So they're unpacking and getting ready to move and stuff and or moving, whatever. She's like, it's official. We moved in. If we had more time, we would have packed something. We would have picked something else, but we had to take this because there's no other options.

So I'm sorry I look poor right now, okay? In this apartment, all the way up here, while the floor is ceiling, you know, windows of the beach looking at the beach, but you know what, this is poor people living on sand. It's disgusting, but you know, thought sorry, I'm sure. Yeah, if you look here, you can actually see a mark on our window

of our luxury high rise where you can see that Lisa threw a piece of chicken at us because she thought we had a dog. We're that poor. So. Where you can see that Lisa threw a piece of chicken at us because she thought we had a dog. We're that poor I can guarantee it's better than she's been eating 90 So Alexi is like Frankie go to your room. He's like no check go go Frankie take your iPad He's like mmm. He's like what are you trying to trick me into check? I've got to talk about you with Peter so he leaves and she's like, what are you trying to trick me into? She's like, I've got to talk about you with Peter. So he leaves. And she's like, okay, Frankie, listen,

I'm not gonna be here forever, okay? Sometimes even gorgeousness has to rest. And I need to know that Frankie's not gonna be alone. And who better to take care of Frankie than the most responsible person I've ever known in my life? You. I've already thought about that. Yeah. Well, you know what? I don't want to overwhelm you with like so much information.

And, but it's like all the stuff I've been thinking about and like Gertie would like what she's going through, you know. And she says that Peter is such a good brother and he never gets credit because people always focus on the other things that haven't gone as well. Like punching his girlfriend. Yeah. Or like punching the homeless guy on video camera. And like punching things in general. It was like punching things in general. Yeah, yeah. So, and then we, but it's great because then we got a picture,

then we got a flashback of the Todd fight. You know, you're all this son who uses too much marijuana, drugged him many times. Do you know he's disabled? Oh yeah, say it one more time, I'm gonna beat you up. Do it, I'll fight you right back! Sheesh. And she goes, yeah.

You know, like, I was thinking, because like, I can't leave him with your father, you know, because of his situation. I was like, uh, the sexual assault of a minor. You guys are just racking him up over there, huh? Maybe we should not have these pity Alexia scenes right now. So, basically, Peter's like, yeah, you know, Frankie makes me happy.

And if he wasn't in my life in the future, dot, dot, dot. Oh, well, you know, the only way our life is completed and happy is with Frankie next to us. And like we all have that. So like whatever woman you marry, you know, like, she can't be prettier than me. And she also has to like Frankie. Okay.

She has to be willing to take care of Frankie. She has to love Frankie too, just like she loves you. And also she has to not speak in my presence. Okay. Very small, very small requests I'm making. So he goes, yeah, like, I just like don't even feel like it's like, it's like something normal, like it's not even something like an obligation. He gets money every month from somebody, right?

If it wasn't me, who would my son be the best around? You're the perfect person. I know how much you love your brother. I got you. I'll be here. Oh my God, thank God. Oh thank God. Oh my God, thank God. Oh my God, thank God. Okay, now let's go make Frankie,

and share Frankie's interleading email from the Dermoya Foundation. Because apparently Frankie just deletes all the emails from the Dermoya Foundation since then. What was that noise, Mom? Oh, that's just Lisa Thornton chicken at us. Oh god, that's so hard So hard bringing this tiny little hovel. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappin's commercial From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm consciously This is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Consciously.

What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Mom. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August of 1992, Columbus sailed the ocean blue and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights.

She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industries Myhalla Harald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break

in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make the list. Bishop Gray's all coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So speaking of, Lisa is in the mansion and she's pouring wine for her mom, Jean

and another lady who turned that to be her Aunt Del. Aunt Del. This was great. I was like, this is all I wanted from Lisa is to see the homely ladies she comes from. Like this is perfect. Her mom Jean and Del, they have the same haircut. They basically come in as twins. And you know, apparently there's another Aunt Bula, which I love it. I love that there's Del, Bula and Jean. And then you know that Bula's another aunt, aunt Bula, which I love it. I love this Del Bula and Jean. And then you know that Bula has the same haircut too. So Lisa is like, welcome mom, we're here. Hi, mom.

Oh God, it's hard not having family here. And Jean's like, oh, I know that baby. And so she says that she flew down her mom and her aunt to take care of the kids while she goes on a much needed vacation, as opposed to the, I guess lesser needed vacation she just went on. Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, I just don't get to do anything. Sorry guys, I just got back from vacation.

God, I need a vacation. She's definitely one of those people that says, I need a vacation from the vacation Also, by the way another person who says that me so Antel is like oh god so many times I watch and I said Oh, I wish I was there for you and then Jean's like oh, yeah, I miss you so much Lisa. Oh, I miss you too I wish you were here all the time, but it's been a really hard year god You should have seen all those dogs eating dog food from the gondola. It was terrible.

It's so painful. All these starving dogs. So we hear a little bit. Okay. No, I'm gonna say what you said. So it's the same thing. So you go. Oh, we just hear about how her mom grew up

and she grew up in Jamaica, uh, with her family, very poor. And she was very uncomfortable around Lenny because Lenny had a terrible attitude. Yeah. By the way, I didn't say that yet, but what I was surprised at, I, uh, big twists. Lisa is like, has Jamaican roots. There's not, Was not expecting that whatsoever You know when I was watching it

I was like did we know that because at first I was like where are these accents from because these accents are gold and where are these people on our Televisions why have we not seen them a million times like they need to be lead characters amp-dell and mommy? What's her mom's name gene Susan or something gene. Jean. Who I believe is our version of Siri, if you remember correctly. Yes. And how did he? That's true. And how did Lisa lead with like, I'm an immigrant from Canada? She has Jamaican roots. Somebody's what the hell? Yeah. Well, I'm surprised that they they probably are never going to do

a housewife vacation to Jamaica, because, you know, she's going to be like, well, I'm Jamaican and it's going to be, she's going to say something problematic, you know? But, um, yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. She will definitely be like, I'm Jamaican. I'm allowed to say it. So, um, they're like, no, no, man.

I don't know what it's going to be, but that will be her response to whatever she says. But anyway, yeah, her mom and her aunt sort of have funky accents that are like part, like Canadian accent, but I guess part Jamaican a little bit. And it's just, it's amazing. Yeah, they're pretty amazing. And they talk about what a boor Lenny is. A boor, I guess a boar Lenny is. A boar, I guess, or a boar he is.

Both, he's both. Just what a jerk he is. And you know, it's like, congrats on marrying a rich guy. You never marry a fucking man who's a shit head to your mother. Who does that? Exactly. Wow. And the stories they say, they're built,

they're built they're like, wow, he was a real jerk. One of them says that like Lenny, it was Gene says that I would be talking to him and he would just walk away. She goes, so you know what? I texted him and I texted him. I said, I'm going to let him know how I feel. So that's what I did. And what did he say? He never replied, actually, but it was good.

It was good at that time. Yeah, I sure told him though It came back green so I'm not really sure what happened there and Lisa's like well I remember at our wedding I remember Marina said to address her as Mrs. Hoxstein and and and a toly as Professor Hoxstein and if you didn't have a certain level of wealth they looked down on you Why did you marry this person? My God. And how did your mother let you marry this person? What was going on over there? But also reverse, why did Lenny marry Lisa in the sense that like, if you already are

going to be such shits to people who you believe are below you, like, like you got like, don't marry someone that you're not going to respect. And I'm, well, he wouldn't, well, he wouldn't marry anybody that he respected. He doesn't respect anybody Exactly respecting somebody because he can look down on them and treat them like shit I can see why he would marry her. She's a doormat Yeah, I guess When I say why would you marry Lisa? This is not to be like Lisa's a piece of shit. Why would you do that? You deserve better. It's more like like so you're gonna marry someone

But then you're gonna still like condescend to their entire family or whatever. Like, what a piece of shit you are. Yeah, but truly. But that was wild hearing that the gross fucking guy and family has Marina and Anatoly. So Jean's like, yeah, he never sits still to listen to me. At least like, yeah, he doesn't care if you didn't have a certain level of wealth. They look down on you. So Dell's like, yeah, he never sits still to listen to me. And he's like, yeah, he doesn't care. If you didn't have a certain level of wealth, they looked down on you. So Dell's like, she's basically like, you know what?

You're a tough cookie and I marry you for that. Come on, it's not cheat day yet. Don't say that to me. So then we go to Adriana and Julia at the farm. And Julia is getting this like new little farm place together. And they're like, oh my God, we can come stay here. This would be so fun. And she's like, not that Martina is all covered in well. I'm in the groove of farming.

My goal is to make home fast as I can. I can lure Martina into half and half. We could wake up at the goats. Ha ha ha ha. Martina is like, not a chance. So Adriana comes over and she tries this jam, you know, cause they introduced a jam storyline last week. So it started last week and it's ending here.

It's the Guava and like Raspberry Jam or something. And Julia is like, yes, you like, maybe you send them for $30. And she's like, what? $30 for jam? It's like jam should be $5. Okay. But it is from three to table.

Yes. So are branches. I'm not selling those for $30. Yeah. Uh, that is also that is that right there is the artisanal experience for everyone. People who are like, oh, I love people. I love goats. I love family.

$300 for the ticket. But yeah, there it is right there. Oh, they love the world. Just to charge just going to price catch you just a little bit. Yeah. So they talk about this party that's going to be the Havana Night Finale party and it needs to be classy because it's where Adriana is going to sing her new classy song by Emilio and Julie is like,

Oh, so not the Eldos? Ah, ha, ha. These ladies have been known to go wild on many different occasions so Emilio might get turned off by the whole endeavor because my association with them. Okay, yes. Okay, oh no. Like any Linux say, here come the rain again. Just when I was about to show you my pig. But guess what? My surprise is pig is goat. Yeah, pig is goat. Goat riding pig. Pig riding goat, but goat riding pig. I'm not going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam.

I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam.

I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making a big jam. I'm going to be making pig jam soon. Martina's gonna be making pig jam. I was like, ah, Houdini, this is my friend Adriana. And the pigs kinda shy. And I did have this pig. My pig looked just like, I mean he was little still because he was a little baby, but I had a black pig like that. Spanky.

Spanky. They were lucky that Houdini didn't do what Spanky did to me because Spanky would sit on my lap and then when I was like Okay, Spanky. I have to go to the bathroom I would get up and Spanky would be so pissed off that I got up. He's very controlling And he when I came out of the bathroom He was standing at the edge of the living room staring at me with his head down and they went I started screaming and then ran towards me and started headbutting my leg.

And I was like, Spanky, stop Spanky. And he was like chasing me around, butting me in the leg. And then I jumped up on the couch, you know, like on the edge of the couch. I was sitting up on the edge of it. And then he jumped up on the couch and jumped into my lap and curled up. And then was like, hmm. And so I guess he was just bossing me around to sit back down so he could cuddle back in my lap.

Pigs are very, very bossy. And that pig got very big. Houdini's already big. So good luck if you don't let that fucking pig sit in your lap, okay? You're gonna break your legs. I don't like comparing women to animals, but that story did sort of feel like some seasons

of Real Housewives of New Jersey. So Julia... I just wanted to cuddle. He's banging that fence. Bang it, you're doing great. What happened to Spanky by the way? My landlord saw him, because Lucy the landlord lived right above me and she passed

by the door and saw Spanky and she said is that a pig? And I said yeah and she said you gotta have a pig here. So I had to re-home Spanky and I had adopted Spanky anyway. I got him from some model who got a micro pig but didn't want it. I found him on Craigslist. Was the micro pig's name actually Houdini? Did you go back in time? No, it was Spanky. And so then I had to re-home him, but I found farmers who, the, well they called themselves farmers

that lived in West Hollywood and they had a small house in West Hollywood. And it was just this hippie couple, this older hippie couple, and they had turned their West Hollywood home into a farm. The, all the backyard was just poop and flies and that's everywhere in like little miniature donkeys and a giant tortoise. The giant versions of things and tiny versions of things. And Spanky was so happy.

And I went to see him a couple of times after before it got a little weird. But, um, yeah, it ended up great for Spanks. That's good. Do we know if Spanky's still with us? I hope he is. No, I couldn't go to their house too many times and Spanx is a pick. I figured he was over it, you know, like after he, he was sad for a minute. And then next couple of times I saw him, he was just like, I don't sit in your lap anymore.

Loser. So I just didn't want to put myself through that awkward conversation anymore. Like how's the farm? Your neighbors ever called the police on you? And your husband ever talk? And let's be honest, every time you went over there, they probably tried to sell you some $30 jam. Big jam.

So, Julia is like very apprehensive because she does, you know, she's supposed to be reducing the number of animals on her little farm because apparently the hay costs are getting really high. Hey girl, hey! So she's supposed to be reducing the number of animals but now she's taking on a pig so she's going to surprise Martina with a FaceTime so she FaceTime's Martina and she's like, so the other day I went to the petting zoo to visit goat and before them this you know I sold some jam and they said that they will sell jam and it's baby Beginning a very big business vendor which will pay for the hay and eventually one day I hope jam pay for hay and machine is like

Okay, what are you up to when you're telling me how much money you're saving, which means that you're spending it somewhere else. So what's going on? Yeah. Oh, and we see surprise. It's a goat. And Martina's like, oh, cute. I like it. So Martina did not have a fit and kicked Julia out.

I thought this was the end of Julia and Martina. But it's all ending the season finale. They're going to really upstage Kyle and it's going to be an ending where Martina leaves and Julia ends up with a pig. Yeah. So then we have, by the way, also, I just want to say Beverly Hills, their big sports star is Ann Marie's husband. This show literally is like, you know, you got Martina Navratilova, you got Michael Jordan, my name is like really in its own league.

That's wild. These are sports legends that are enmeshed in this show. It is amazing. It really is. And you know, no one watches this show, which is super weird. The ratings are so low. I mean, they're so low that people are like,

are they canceling this show? Like, what do we think? Are they canceling it? And I just don't understand why. I don't understand how. I think it's just really hard for people to, I think it's hard to get new viewers. I think people say, I watch,

these are the housewives that I watch. And sometimes they just, they have a capacity to watch only two or three housewives shows and that's it. And maybe just too many housewives on at once. Maybe- I think it's flooding the market. Yeah, I think it needs to be like one at a time.

Yeah, this has been a bounty for us in a way, but it's also like having four housewives on it one time has been insane, it's too much. Okay, so let's go back to this. So next up, everybody is going to this Havana party, right? Gertie is with Nicole and Russell, and Alexia and Julian Victoria, her daughter are all going together.

And Gertie is ready to take on Larsa. And she's like, I'm gonna let her know that it's not cool behavior the way she did it with me, and I'm gonna wear this hockey mask. And they're like, hmm, you don't need to do that. Okay, I'll leave the hockey mask in the car. So before that though, as everyone's getting into glam, there's actually a really, really moving scene

which is that Gertie has to shave her head. That happened? Did you see the scene where she cut off her? Yes, but I didn't think that already had wait hold on. What did I skip here? Oh my god, I skipped a lot. I went from the I'm so sorry. I was looking at the And that was the show everyone so Martina approved of the pig and then they kind of just wrapped up I was like the most beautiful. It's a hot guy in my backyard I was sliding my fingers over the track pad as I was looking

outside the seat to watch him pour cement. You were like, so, you know, this and that and XYZ. I'm a season ended with Ronnie marrying a guy from TaskRabbit. So this scene was really very moving. Um, there's nothing really funny to say about it. So this scene was really very moving. There's nothing really funny to say about it. It's just that like Gertie has to cut her hair. And this is very obviously it's a big deal. Hair means a lot of things to a lot of people,

especially people from different cultures and backgrounds. They have a lot of attachments to it. And she is really struggling and Russell's helping her with it. And it was just like a really beautiful moment. She was cutting her braids off. He was cutting her braids off. She's crying. She's sobbing. He's shaving the hair and she's like very concerned. Like it's not bald bald, right? Like there's some shadow and he's like, yes. And he's just really, like there's some shadow and he's like, yes. And he's just really, he is so, I hope that there's never another shoe that drops with Russell.

He is, he's just awesome. And I just, you know, there have been so many times with have been awesome husbands or just even cast members. And then you're like, oh, no, they did something terrible. I don't want to scant a ball with Russell. He is really the way he is there for her, the way he treats her, the way he supports her is just so beautiful.

Yeah, this was great. So she did the shaving the head scene for the camera, which was pretty cool. Also very brave too, I think. And she, you know, you see her crying and breaking down and stuff and then kind of being revealed with her shaved head. It was really, really nice. Like she comes out, she sits for her first green screen confessional or whatever with her shaved head. It was really, really nice. Like she comes out and she sits for her first green screen confessional

or whatever with her shaved head. That's that moment was one of that. I like I got choked up and she sat there and by the way, and she sat there and she looked stunning, absolutely stunning. And I know it's like it's not us for up to say like, oh my God, don't worry. You know, hair like you look great. Like, but she really looked it, it was a really like strong, beautiful moment in every sense of all the, of both words.

Okay. So then we go over to the Cardozo hotel where this party is getting started. A drama is getting dressed. You know, it's time for the biting fight. That's, that's the show, you know, go on. So, um, she's like, oh my God, you know, when the Congolese are playing, it's so powerful, you can't help but dance. I can't wait to show the world what I did with Emilio.

But then she gets a call. This is also a very touching scene. I mean, I know we've just sat through one of the most touching scenes of the season. But then we get this one. Mary Saul calling Adriana to wish her good luck. Even I was taken aback. I was like, wait, is Mary Saul calling Adriana? Aren't they supposed to hate each other?

Finally, this show made me cry. I finally felt something. Finally, this show is sincere. Well, congratulations. I heard you're gonna sing. I'm here waiting outside the Traders Cast Life. Like if I sit here long enough, they'll put me on the show.

Number one show on cable. Anyway, take a video and make, I wanna feel like I'm there instead of listening to all these bagpipes. Am I right? God, I'm an icon. Just bagpipes, otherwise known as Steve, am I right? Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Squeeze him, he makes a noise. Oh my God, Mary soul is calling to congratulate me. Does she have the right number? She's like, well, I never imagined four months ago I'd be wishing a lot to this whore, but I'm a forgiver. You know, that's me. Mary soul, the forgiver. Um, I would like to remind everyone that I did not just

storm out of a party a couple of weeks ago because Anna King-Kones was there. Uh, as was bad-mouthing Leah Black at the same time for shit that happened ten years ago. All right, well I'm the you know me just basically Jesus over here. Yeah you know I'm a forgiver which is why on the previews for next week I'll be yelling at Adriana again at the reunion. Yeah she's a motherfucker but deep down inside I love her even though she keeps poking the bear just the way I keep poking the bagpipe and Steve still won't put a ring on it. So she's in Scotland for her renewal of the vowels thing. And Adriana's like, don't forget to bring me hot Scottish guy.

And then we, now it's the part where I was telling you that everybody was driving to the party. So sorry everybody. So Julie is like, well, Larissa doesn't have both to own it. And I asked, I asked if Michael Jordan is okay with her and she said yes. And Alexi is like, oh, you were just saying does he approve this message? Does he approve it or no? But then when what we read and press, he said no. And that was not like, no, no, no, it was like, no.

But by the way, I want to get Michael Jordan and my farm because everyone says he is goat. Not only did Michael Jordan say no, he it while he made fatigue isn't this gross Mel By the way, something that people have been curious about Including me. I'm not gonna lie including me. I noticed it as well. It's been on Twitter. It's on Facebook. It's my Instagram People are curious about it. I feel like no one wants I think people are trying to be a little delicate about it But what was the big ass bruise on Alexia's jaw? Did you see that? That was crazy? Yeah, it was huge It was a really big bruise to it was on both sides, right? I keep seeing people on the internet saying it wasn't on both sides

I thought it was Yeah, maybe I was mistaken there. Yeah, that was a big bruise. I'm assuming that it was something Botox or filler or something like that related. Yeah. Yeah, maybe dental. I mean, I don't know. But everyone's kind of like, oh, please tell us that's, please tell us that was benign. So now the women are arriving at the hotel.

Yeah, I mean, of course. Yeah, you hope it was nothing. But I mean, what are you gonna do? You can't really speculate on it. Exactly, that's why everyone's like, well, we're all being delicate, but we all see something. Can you please explain?

You just want an information, please. Make sure everything's okay. Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't come out with a tweet or something. Maybe she did later today because I'm sure people are bugging her about it. I'm sure she'll probably have something to say. So women arrive and Gurdy is like, this is not the epitome of what Miami is. Lights and glamour and culture.

And she walks in because thank you so much. Welcome, welcome. Wait, did I just say welcome? I'm in judgment. So then Kiki Saundersen looking, you know, drop dead. This is the only show where I'm actually kind of down for the moments of like, like walking into a foyer, you know, and like showing off your look

because they all kind of look amazing and they're always wearing these big brash looks. So Kiki walks in and she's like, hello, why is no one dancing? Where's the music? Jesus Christ, who wants a dildo? Also this party's so badass, the Savannah party. I know, right? Like all the horns and the conca players everywhere

in Miami so colorful. Such a good show. One of my favorite games was Grand Theft Auto Vice City to the place in Miami. And so this all looks like that, you know? I was like, I think I've seen this hotel on Grand Theft Auto because it's like right on the street where the beach is, whatever you call that, the Miami Beach, South Beach.

You know, you know, Ronnie, you know what's coming out this year, right? Grand Theft Auto 6. Which takes place in Vice City. It's the one back to Miami. It's another Miami one. Oh, I didn't know that. It doesn't come out this year.

It comes out in 2026, I think. Oh, god damn it. Yeah, it comes out. I don't know why they even are talking about it now, but I think it comes out. All right. I still have to finish Zelda. Okay. I got, I mean, oh, here's what I'm going to do.

Finish Zelda. Finish. You'll be on chapter three of Dune when that thing comes out I gotta hurry up a dude. There's another dude coming out First dude no harm Okay, so Nicole's wearing that red ruffle dress that everyone's been wearing this week We've seen everybody in this dress Kenya was in this dress Some other housewife

Yeah, the at the some awards. Oh people's choice or the everybody in this dress. Kenya was in this dress. Some other housewife was just in this desk. Kenya was on TV this dress? Yeah, at some awards. Oh, People's Choice. People's Choice or the... Yeah, I'm so mad about the People's Choice Awards. Why? Because the day after the crappies, which meant that so many people were in town,

so we didn't even... Kiki Barth was here, I think. I think everyone was here. We could have invited her to the crappies. We didn't even think about it. Oh, wow. Okay, so you know, rivals at the party, blah, blah, blah. So then all the ladies start to gather

and we see that Anna is here at this party. And Alexia sees her and she's like, oh, I don't know what she's doing here, but tonight I'm staying because I look too good to run. Plus, Marysau's gone, so I don't have to. That's a loyal friend. I know. And we see that Anna is here. And I think, oh my God, Anna has a second chance at the show.

They're giving her another chance. Surely she's not going to fuck this one up. And then we never see her again. She like flashes by in the background. And I was like, well, no one's walking out when I got here. So that's a good sign and scene for Anna. So Larissa is like, so did any of us, like our Anthony and Todd here and Alexia is like,

well, no one brings their husband. So I'm not gonna bring mine. Crazy, crazy people. So Larissa is like, well, Marcus would be here. But like, he's like, I feel like he's like not in town. Like, Julia wants to know stuff. She keeps asking me, but like I answer her questions, like I answer everything she's asking me. Why is she asking me so much stuff?

And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I over here. I just want you to share things with us, Larisa. I care so much about you. What does she think of Pig? What does she think of pig? What does she think of goat? Do she like Houdini? How much should Jen cost?

Are you opposed to Jen at the month club? Only $3,000 a year. So, Lars is like, I feel like I should have a lot and everyone's like, huh? I mean, more of the story is if you guys want to like come Marcus, he can talk about his dad's relationship and Julia is like What are you aware of his feelings?

Well, like he supports his son like he wants his son to be happy Marcus is like an adult like I'm like an adult like although I have a baby face like do you need permission from your mom like? Do you need to call your mom like that you need to date a guy like or a girl like? Do you need permission like? She has been defensive because sometimes we get defensive when we have something to hide. No don't have a peek on them I see. Why are you asking me? Stop looking at me. If Marcus's dad like, said like, don't date her like, we wouldn't be together like, we would not be together like, they're very close like, and I would never want to be part of a relationship like, that's like the problem because of me like XYZ and this and that.

Then we see Nicole's dad coming in wasted and Nicole's like, oh my god, he's wasted all Isis, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. She's like, welcome to my life, I mean, Lord help me. Who wants skincare? Skin care by Isis everyone. Skin care by Isis everyone. Line up next to the giant boner over here. So then Adriana is getting on her weird outfit and practicing her dance moves and Emilio comes to her room and he's like,

oh here we are in Miami. I'm going to play some congas for your songs. Like, oh my God, Emilio's gonna play some congas for my song, I can't believe it. So on the one hand, your song has no hook, but on the other hand, I'm on congas. So then, or congas, I should say, not Congo. So Lars was like, everyone says I want to like

make more time and everything like, but like everyone says I want to like make more time and everything like but like everyone says I want to work on relationships with like X, Y and Z. I was like I love that she said X, Y and Z on the finale. She really does. She says the same things over and over just like we say. I feel like an XYZ. I cannot whenever she says either one of those things I start cracking up. Anyway, everyone says I want to work on my relationships with X, Y and Z. Don't just say it, do it like. I feel like I've made an effort to reach out to you like Nicole like, and like, do you feel like we've gotten

closer like because of that like? Nicole's like, yeah, actually I was like, actually like very happy because I feel like for the first time this year we actually had like conversations and like, we talked one day for 45 minutes. Well, mainly you just said the word like and Marcus many times in a row, but it was nice they were reaching out to me about that.

Yeah. And Alex is like, oh, well, you know what? I'm so glad that I brought everyone together. She's taking credit for it. Yeah, she literally goes, you're welcome. You're welcome. I'm really happy I brought everyone together. And she smiles like, I did that.

I did that. I fixed everything. I did it. Yeah. So Gert she smiles like, I did that. I did that. I fixed everything. I did it. Yeah. So Gertie's like, well, Mexico was very important even though I was in bed half the time, but we bonded, right? And everybody remember?

More specifically, Larisa, me and you bonded. Do you remember Larisa? She's like, yeah, I like, but like, wait, wait, what are you getting at? She's like, well, I thought we bonded and I thought we were past the article. You said we were past the article. She goes, but what did you say? Like, I feel like? She's like, well, I thought we bonded and I thought we were past the article. You said we were past the article. She goes, but what did you say?

Like, what? I feel like you just said like she you thought. What? Why don't you just think about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because on day one of our trip, you asked me for a favor to like not put your name in the press and I wanted the same courtesy. And I felt like you finally understood and been low and behold. This past day, a couple of days ago, you know what you did, you know what you did.

And Larissa already knows, she goes, did I say your name? Did I say your name? So Larissa, by the way, the guilty is the conscious. Conscience, like already knows that she's wrong. So she's already got her counter argument ready to go. Right, she goes, oh, well that doesn't count just because you didn't say my name, okay?

You said fake tears again, you're playing dumb. And she goes, uh-uh, you're dumb, you are. You're dumb. I feel like, I feel like I can't win with you. You bit me. And you know what? You're mad at me. You bit me and you're mad at me. I'm good. I'm good. You're dumb. Yeah. This is when Larissa goes from, I'm, I'm Larissa peeping everyone. You're a dumb, Gordy. You're a dumb person. Like her voice changes. Oh, come on, Gordy. Her real voice just repeats what the other person said. So Gordy's like, you're not sorry. You should be, but you're not. And of course, like, oh my God, this girl can't just learn her lesson.

And she's like, you know what, Gordy? I'd like to feel like bad for you. Like, go take care of your health. I was like, whoa. Okay. now you're gonna throw that at somebody. She's such an asshole. She's such an asshole and she gets worse. So Gertie's like, oh yeah, you talked about me at the press, sweetheart. You talked about me at the press. I'm sorry, I feel bad for you.

Like, I'm sorry. I thought it was funny. I love how Larsa baslates between like, I mentioned it because it was funny. My arm hurt. My arm really hurt when you bit me, but I because it was funny. My arm hurt. My arm really hurt when you bit me, but I thought it was funny. My arm hurt. Yeah, and Gurley's saying,

well, you said you didn't know if it was a love bite or a hate bite? Who says that? I mean, what a bitch. You're a bitch. You're a bitch. No, you're a bitch. I didn't say hate bite.

I didn't say hate bite. I didn't say hate bite. I hate bite. You're a c-stop click baiting on my name, bitch. She goes, I never said your name. You're a bitch. You're a- stop clickbaiting on my name bitch. She goes, I never said your name. You're a bitch. You're a bitch. And Kiki's like, I don't know what this fight even is.

Who bite who? Are we vampires? Like what? Like what? So Lars keeps saying, I never said hate. I never said hate bite. Well then why was it even brought up? Because my arm was hurting when I got back.

My arm hurts so much. I hurt my arm. It was like a hurting. My arm was hurting. A hurting arm. My arm hurts so much. I was hurting. My arm was hurting. A hurting arm. It hurt like XYZ and this and that. So who even are you right now? Will the real Larsa please stand up?

Will she stand up? Because there's like lots of Larsa's right now. I can't even tell who it is. Who are you though? But who are you? Who are you though? OK, well, one minute you're like, hey guys, you're so sweet. And the next minute you're like from Chicago.

So which one are you? But the real Larsa, please stand up. So minute you're like, hey guys, you're so sweet. In the next minute you're like from Chicago. So which one are you? But then really also please stand up. So then Marza says, I mean, what else can I say to this poor woman? Like, I'm sick too. I'm like sick over it. I'm a victim here too. I'm sick.

What a vapid doorstopper of a human being. Jesus Christ. So, Larissa then goes up to Lisa and goes, you have no idea what happened like. Gertie's going crazy and she's yelling and like doing the most over the top things about the bite. Yeah, I mean, you think, you don't think it takes a toll on me?

Like every time I see her, she's like yelling at me. Like that's not easy. I'm like sick from her yelling at me. Oh my God. And so, Larsa, so, okay, so then Lisa goes over and she's, Gordy, come on, it was like a joke. She's, no, no, it's not a joke, okay? What was it, was it a joke on my diamond all my time?

I like that. How is it your dime? You never mentioned. Listen, I'm just giving my opinion on the situation, guys. Well, you know what? I'm not doing with this with you. Okay, like you're about to defend her and a good intention. And it was a joke and I should take it lightly, right?

Okay, I'm not going to go through this. Lisa and you know that, you know that, Lisa. I'm not going to do this, Lisa. And she's like, you were disgusting. You do this Lisa and she's like you were disgusting You were disgusting last time she's you're disgusting. You're disgusting like your face shut your mouth shut your mouth Yeah, literally So then Gertie is like okay, but tomorrow I get my blood tested for chemo and she's like Julia's like,

Larsa, wait, it's not my fault, Julia. I'm not the chemo. Larsa is beyond stupid. It is hard. And I know that this is like so serious. We shouldn't even be laughing, but this show is so ridiculous

that Larsa is literally yelling at a woman with cancer, talking about chemo, going, you're ugly like your face. Like all Larsa had to say was like, oh, I was just like bringing up the fact that like you bit me and it was like a joke and they made it seem like something, but I'm really sorry I shouldn't have brought up.

Like that's all she has to do, but instead she's like, no, no. Why are you ugly then? No, I'm sick, I'm sick. I have, I have, I have, I'm just as sick. So Kiki's like, why are you screaming Julia? Listen! Okay, it's all about timing.

And the fact is that no one here would do what she is doing. What did what? What did I even do? I'm not even doing anything. It's stupid. Oh my God. So then she pulls off her wig and she goes, this is what I'm dealing with today.

And she's showing her shaved head. Okay, okay. And there's this like, oh my God, I'm dealing with today. And she's showing her shaved head. Okay, okay. And this is like, oh my God, I'm sorry. And like, it still doesn't even phase her. And then she's like, why can't you just be a friend? Do you need to be a friend? And she goes, you know what, you're wrong. And so I'm gonna like leave now.

Like I'm gonna leave. Cause you're wrong. She goes, you're wrong. And I'm never gonna talk to you again because you're wrong. It's like unbelievable And I'm never going to talk to you again because you're wrong. It's like, unbelievable. I'm unbelievable. So Russ comes over and he's pissed, you know, obviously. And he's like, why are you even dealing with this?

Why are you dealing with this, Gertie? And he's like, Larsa, please be respectful. Russell, take your wife. Russell, take your wife. And he's like, be respectful, Larsa, please. I am being respectful. It was a joke. It was a joke, Russell.

It's not like that. This and that. And she's like, I love you, Russell. I'm sorry, baby. So she goes out and Lisa's chasing her going, come on. It was a joke. You know, fucking Lisa, like going out there trying to justify everything. Goodie, goodie, goodie, goodie, goodie.

And Gertie does not want any of the last person she wants to deal with is Lisa Hoxton. All right. And so she's like, just leave me alone, Lisa. Leave me alone. She's like, I'm not telling me your name. I'm not telling me. So now Nicole, she's like, I can't, I can't tell Nicole. Then Nicole can tell me, but I cannot with you right now.

So Nicole's there and Nicole's like, OK, you know, give her a moment. You know, this is how she processes and Kiki now has run up. She's like, oh my God, I twisted my ankle trying to follow you. Come on, what's going on? Yeah. And, um, so basically Gurdy's just like, leave me alone. And Nicole's like, this girl, these girls don't understand. You'd like need to give Gurdy space.

Like when she's mad, just let her like have a moment, you know? And so, um, basically they keep her away. And then it's true. Cause Gertie's like, okay, I'm ready now. Yeah. Come on. And Russell's pissed by the way. Russell's really pissed.

And he, cause he was, you know, he should be. These people are crazy. I mean, this is just going over the line. Like the lady just pulled off her hair. And he's like, so what? Who cares? You're ugly, though. So like.

And he was funny. It was interesting because he was just sort of standing there watching over letting Gertie do her thing, letting her have her seen and everything. But then when he could see it was going too far, he was like, OK, I'm stepping in and I'm protecting my wife. And it was also interesting because Gertie was like, shut up, lads, shut up. He's like, Gertie. Oh, yeah. No, everything's fine.

Everything's fine. Everything's fine. You know, she was like, oh, shit, like, like you canertie was like, shut up, Liza, shut up. He's like, Gertie. Oh yeah, no, everything's fine. Everything's fine, Russell. Everything's fine. You know, she was like, oh, shit, like, like, you can see there was like a moment of like, I'm doing my scene. Oh, shit, this scene may have gone too far. Let me, let me get myself together right now. So then Lisa and Larsa are having a talk over on the side and they're waving the little flags that are on the table. And Lisa's like, America, wait, are these flags for America?

And she's like, I think it's like a Van Halak. That's cute, but. So, she's, I don't know. So war runs. And Alexa is trying to explain to Lars, she's like, by the way, just calm down. Like she's starting chemo tomorrow.

And she, like I said, says, look with what Gertie's going through, you just say, okay, Gertie, whatever you say, I'm sorry. But that's just me, that's how I would deal with it. So anyway, Lisa is like, listen, listen, Larsa, I have your back and I'll always tell you when you're wrong and you'll always tell me when I'm wrong. And I love that about us. Yeah, like last year you were there for me when I was like sending my divorce papers like,

and then I was there for you when you were sending your divorce papers. Yeah, and they're not even signed yet. And then she says, this was eventually going to happen. And I'm thinking she's gonna say, Larissa and Gertie were gonna have to get everything out there. But she goes, Lenny and I were eventually going to get a divorce. It's like, wow, you turned this into a divorce. And I'm thinking she's gonna say, Larissa and Gertie, we're gonna have to like get everything out there.

But she goes, Lenny and I were eventually going to get a divorce. It's like, wow, you turned this fight into you and Lenny again. Yeah, that's how she rolls, you know? And she's like, but now I got Jody, he's helping me now. It's so sad. It's like, wow, I went from one rich man,

but now I've got another rich man to pay for stuff. And it's all great now. It all worked out. And there's such a sad edge to her storyline, man. It's like, wow. And she goes, thank God it happened now while I still got it rather than 10 to 20 years from now. God knows what I'd be getting.

I don't think I'd be getting a Jodi. I mean, look at Maryselle and Steve, okay? But it's like, damn, like, it's so sad how little she values her personality, right? Like, she's like, well, in 10 or 20 years, I would look like shit, so I would probably wind up with, you know, some, you know, person who lives in the gutter. It's like, nope, people go for personality too.

No, you're worth. No, you're worth, guys, okay? so then Adriana is getting ready for her big number and, um, Kiki is dancing with Nicole's dad and this is where he gets, gets the big boner and they're like, oh my God, he's got a boner and it's big. Bravo did a close up on this guy's boner. Like just in case you didn't see a lingering, long lingering boner. And then they're like, dad, you this guy's boner. Just in case you didn't see. A long lingering boner. And then they're like, Dad, you've got a boner.

He's like, yeah. He's all proud of his boner. God bless. RIP. So now Adriana is like, now it's time for her song. So she starts singing her song. The song is basically just like music that they would play between scenes on this show.

Like it's just tricksy vocal. Yes. And I think they actually did at one point. I think I've heard this song before. The lyrics didn't really make sense. So first, what the first lyric was, suffering from this heat and from this friction, mom's heat it ain't gotten nothing on these positions. It's like, okay, so it's sort of like sexual. And then, and by the way, be sure, I see that you're staring at your handyman and I think it's good because you should, while you stare at him, think of these lyrics. Okay. I'm your boss speech. Now we got six rows from the east to the west, fast and slow, two way street meet me in the middle of the road till I feel it up my body,

run hot to cold. What? I'm your boss bitch now, which by the way should never be a lyric. We got six rows. So is that like at a game, airplane from the east to the west? So it's all across the country. You're a boss bitch. Fast and slow.

So intermittent traffic. Two-way street meet me in the middle of the road. Okay, so we are, I don't know if I want to stand in the middle of the road of a two-way street. Sounds a little busy, especially for going fast and slow. Although if you're singing this song,

I wouldn't mind if you were standing in the middle of the street. Until I feel it up my body run hot to cold. Wait, so all this was actually sexual? What? I guess. Yeah, this is bizarre. But your first assessment was right that there's no hook to this song. It's just like la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la And yeah, you know what? We love fire and we love Miami. If the original song is so good, it's actually the theme song to the show, which also is a first. The song. Because it does.

Yeah, I can see why Kavya Kavya was like Kavya Kavya Kavya. No, no. Yeah, she needs to know Adriana doesn't need to work with Emilio because Emilio is not hungry. He's just going to give the trash to her. She needs to work with someone who's up and coming who actually wants to make a good song. Well, is Emilio cheating on Gloria? What's going on here?

That's my question. No, I don't think he would ever cheat on someone who has the rhythm working to get you. Like, if he cheats on, like, he can't get away with it. He's gonna be clobbered by a quarter note. He doesn't want to get, he doesn't want to go down that way. The rhythm will get him if he cheats on Gloria. She already said it. Emilio found murdered by a steel drum.

She warned him many years ago. We know how the story ends. Emilio taken down to the street by a troop of shuffle off to Buffalo tap dancers. Wow, the rhythm really did get him. I hear that when the rhythm corners you, you have four seconds to proclaim your love. One, two, three, four, come on baby, say you love me. Oh. Okay, so. You have to do it on your feet, by the way.

Five, six, seven times. You can't be sitting down. You have to do it on your feet. You have to stand up and get on your feet. Okay, so now we start getting the 20 minutes of ending things. There's a toast and then we get the typical like, oh, these ladies, like, of sure we get sassy, but we love each other at the end of the day, right guys?

Until the reunion next week. Yeah. So Kiki's update is that she's spending time with a new man in Los Angeles. So that's exciting. Adriana is continuing to work with Emilio and her new single drops early this year with hopes of adding to Emilio's Grammy total. And then, and then we go to Barisol for her Scott Scottish,

wedding vows. So this, we see some footage. First of all, it looks like it's professionally shot. There's a lot of people there. I actually love her dress that she's wearing, not that that matters. But then I have a theory. This is my theory, Ronnie. This is not an important theory,

but it is a theory that I feel like I have to share. My favorite kind, unimportant theories. My theory is that the cast trip was probably originally to go to Scotland for this renewal. But then with Gertie's diagnosis, they had to accelerate the timetable and they probably couldn't accelerate the wedding boughs because their guests were coming and they booked a castle

so they did in Mexico first instead. That is my theory. Oh, well, I'm glad they didn't give it to Mary Soul because it's not even a real wedding again. It's a fake wedding. They put up there that she didn't, she's still not officially married. What the hell? How do you renew your vows? How many times? It's like just begging for presents making people do having all these events just making people send you shit

No, you're not even going through the pain of really being married. You know that is a hundred percent correct So they have that then we see Nicole and she's talking with her mom. It's like the next day or so. So her hormones are finally leveled out and she's really hoping that she can have the kid. And then we see like her and Anthony making their baby announcement with sitting on a vintage car holding fake newspapers,

which is like, I mean, whatever happened to a text message, am I right? Well, you have to find a way to work as a real baby in there, the car. I know. So yeah, they're pregnant and she's like, oh my God, like if we did any more interviews, I would have had to get a new dress

because this one won't close anymore. So we see the back of her dress, that's really cute. You know, I'm happy for her, I'm worried for her. I'd say you marry Anthony first. I'd like that too. Before you start having those little hairy babies. And there actually was a nice little thing, which was it said that although her father passed away

unexpectedly in November, she was able to tell him that she was pregnant, which was actually touching. It was, it actually made me really happy that Nicole did mend things with her father before he died because that was like a multi-season arc and it would have been, it would have been a good start. That was actually a super nice story that they ended up mending it

and that she just learned to accept him for who he was. Yeah. And at the end was like, okay, he's drunk, let's have fun anyway. It was actually a really great life lesson because it truly showed that like you don't know how much time you have. So Mark, speaking of timeless things, Marcus and Larissa. So Marcus gives Larissa a ring and he's like, hey, I love you and I hope

you like it. Oh my god, Marcus, this is like a wedding band. Like, yeah, it's one of my dad's championship rings. Oh my god, like that's awesome. Like like a wedding band. Like, yeah, it's one of my dad's championship rings. Oh my God, like, that's awesome. Like, I have one too. Actually, it's kind of funny, like. Oh, and he's like, it's just a promise ring, but don't you worry. And then we see Julia and Martina at an art gallery

and Romero Brito has made a painting of Julia naked on the couch, sitting on a goat, which is sitting on a pig. And they hope to have a child soon. Yeah, they're going to adopt. They're going back down to the adoption process. And then we have a cute scene of Alexia, but Frankie taking Uber on his own for the first time, although there was a cameraman in there,

but we'll just pretend we didn't notice that. But Frankie takes his first Uber ride and that's also really sweet. And Alexia like welcomes him out of the Uber. She's so happy and excited and that was nice. And then it's basically like, oh yeah, even though there were rumors that she and Todd are running out of money,

they just bought a Ferrari and took a luxury vacation to Italy, which to me says they still could be running out of money. Yeah. Especially now. And that's why they're running out of money. The trip was sponsored by Ferrari and Italy. So then Lisa moved into a condo and I hear rumor on the street is that

Jodi pays for half and Lenny pays for half. Do you think that could be true? I don't know, but I love that sitcom. So then, uh... But who gets the hock steam? So then Gertie, we find out, we see Gertie's whole journey really quick. We see Gertie went into chemo treatment

and then it says 127 days later and then we see her bringing that chemo bell and I got to meet her at BravoCon. She was so nice. She's so beautiful and she had just found out that week or something that she was officially done so she could like have a drink and she was so beautiful. She stalled the shaved head and she was saying maybe I'm going to keep it now. I just love it now.

I just love it now. I just love it now. And what a, what a presence. Yeah. The update said Gertie is officially cancer-free. What else matters? And that is, that is true. And it ends with her saying, honestly, I just gratified cancer and she really did.

So what an amazing season. I mean, they really, I think in some ways the season got overshadowed by Salt Lake City having like a back like Salt Lake City season obviously in its own league and then Beverly Hills had stuff going on and better from rules. But Miami, like they are, they just kill it so good. Can't wait for the reunion next week.

That's gonna be a total cluster cluster fuck in the best way. Yes. Uh, great season. Love you, Miami. Good luck. Love you Miami. We'll be here. We'll be here watching the reunion. Yeah. We'll be there. So, uh, everyone, thanks so much for listening. Don't forget to get your tickets for any of the shows, uh, watch your crappins.com and, uh, guess what? summer house is back and we got a recap of the first episode coming your way So thanks everyone for listening and we will catch you in the next episode. Bye everyone. Bye Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King

Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney. It's trawling the park with Caitlyn Clark. She's not just a Sheila She's a Daniela itchles Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickle-us. She's never scary, it's the Green Fairy. Jamie, she has no less namey. Hava-Negila Weber. Know your worth with Jason Kurt. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing. Zipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch.

She's always supplyin', it's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to the Queen. with our Jennifer Wing. Zipped some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's always supplying. It's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

She's not harsh. She's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite murder, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Chadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender.

We wanna hang with Liz Lang. The incredible, edible Matthew sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noel. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She's quite the catch, it's Victoria Cotchett. She ain't no shrinking violet kutar.

We love you guys. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch Our Crappens ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondery.com.