Watch What Crappens - #235: Two Hours with Kate Chastain of 'Below Deck'

Episode Date: November 5, 2015

Hey "Below Deck" fans (Deckies??), get excited: we have over two hours with Kate Chastain, the first stew and reigning snark master of "Below Deck!" First, Ronnie Karam (trashtalktv.com) and Ben Mandelker (@bsideblog on Twitter/Instagram) ask all the pressing questions they've had for Kate over the past two seasons. Then all three get into the nitty-gritty of recapping this week's first post-Leon episode. It's 135 minutes of "Below Deck," and no beef cheek is safe! Be sure to support us on http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens And check out our other social media on watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

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Yeah, you're like doing good things and then making them bad as you go devaluing me in the intro that's a lot i'm deprecating in one sentence i know i'm just gonna it's a past aggressive intro no it wasn't deprecating my value is depreciating i'm not gonna talk today i'm just gonna sit sit here You just talk to Kate Well that's what I was about to say You don't have to talk because We have a guest here And we are so so so very excited about this This is none of

It's a Bravo star first of all This is a full fledged Bravo star We are a legitimate podcast people No more Disney channel here No more Sprout stars Okay this is We've gone to graduate to bravo um it is one of our favorite bravo stars actually i'm not just saying that because she's here it's kate chastain from below deck hey kate hey guys so excited to be here so excited that you're here

pretend we have a live in-studio audience where everyone's clapping everyone in their cars is clapping i'm sure oh that's not yeah, but it's good for us. In a safe way, they are clapping or they will pull over to the side to give you the applause you deserve. They're clapping on the inside. They are. They are.

I'm always clapping on the inside and it sounds weird. So first of all, before we get into everything, let's do some social media plugging as usual. So if you come to WatchForCrappins.com, that has links to everything, Twitter, Instagram, all that stuff. So check that out. Follow us. We're very needy.

Second of all, Facebook.com forward slash WatchForCrappins is our Facebook page, which is super highly active. We have like 5,000 people on there and everyone's posting content. It's basically a blog that's on Facebook. It's really fun. If you want to get more out of your Bravo or Watch What Crappens experience, definitely go to Watch What Crappens on Facebook. And then lastly, you can support us on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends, where there are different tiers that you can support us at. And depending on what tier you support us at, you can get different perks. You can get access to our weekly bonus episode, which is like a whole other podcast. You can ask questions or ask some questions that we'll read on the air and ringtones and hangouts, all that fun stuff.

So that's patreon.com forward slash watch our crappins. And Kate, do you have any social media you want to plug as long as we're plugging things away? Yeah, I usually just use Twitter and it's Kate underscore Chastain. Yes, a very funny Twitter account. So wow, we got through that. So let's just get to the good stuff.

So Kate, we are through that. So let's just get to the good stuff. So, Kate, we are so excited you are here. I think my first pressing question is you are a for real yachtie, correct? You're not just an actress who's signed up for a reality star. Yeah, I don't just play one on TV. I actually was in yachting for about seven years before I did Below Deck. Wow. And how did you get from being on some anonymous yacht onto like the most famous yacht in the world?

Oh, well, I actually had helped an author who she wrote a book, How to Become a Yacht Stewardess. It's the book that I Googled and found after I graduated college and it got me into the industry. So when she heard seven years later that Bravo was coming out with this reality show, she realized a lot of people would probably Google how to work on a yacht and her book needed updating. And knowing that I had written for a women's magazine and also been a yachtie, she contacted me and asked me to update her book for her. So I was in touch with production

and after their first season, they were looking to recast Chief Stew and reached out to me so what is it like that is so crazy so you were literally discovered like an actor that's how people dream of being discovered like i was at home eating my fingernails which is like i'm guessing your favorite snack and i say that with um complete. And respect, yeah, high in protein. Totally, yeah. You're just like sitting at home, writing your article

and then you're on a TV show. That's awesome. That doesn't happen for actors anymore. I know, I think that's like the dream. That's why extras are always like, extras are being extra in the background of scenes because they're like hoping they will be discovered. Little did they realize,

they just have to, you know, edit a resource about being a yachty. Yeah, exactly. I watched the first season and I was literally working on a boat. I would watch Below Deck while our guests were upstairs eating dinner. I just knew when I got the email

that it was something I would enjoy and have fun with. I don't even remember you not being on this show. Who was the first one? It was that girl who was all angry adrian yeah the one that yeah one that never wore makeup and had wet hair and a bun all the time she came back last year by the way this is by the way this is what i love about kate because what you said technically there's nothing wrong with what you just you just said something just totally it's factual but you know it's like there is a hidden

meaning in it and i love that you know like her hair is wet all the time it's like you could be british practically do you realize this that's like and that's a high compliment it really is and um my sister lives in london i was just over there last month for a couple weeks and i just love that city and i really love carolyn stanbury yes you know and the british have really mastered the art of snark. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Of like a put-down that you don't even realize. We get so wussy over here about it. Everybody's so freaked out. So it's nice to see someone still doing it with pride out there.

Well, actually, it's one of the things that annoys me most about Ben being the chef on my show. I was like, excuse me. No, no, no. Because he's British. He gets away with saying the most horrendous things. And everyone's like, oh, it's just because of his accent. He's just's British. He gets away with saying the most horrendous things. And I was like, oh, it's just because of his accent. He's just so British.

And I say things that are like, that girl is a B-I. Do you think it's also because he's a man, too? Yes, also it's because he has a penis. Well, a heterosexual penis. Because people say that, too, about me. They're like, oh, his accent. That gay accent. I knew he was going to be a bitch.

That's a gay thing, too. at me they're like oh his accent that gay accent i knew he was gonna be a bitch yeah they write a thing yeah um so is it what's it like uh working on a yacht when they're it's being on like a reality show is is it do you have to like are you able to do the normal things you have to do or do you have to like do reshoots and everything like i don't even understand how it would you can even fit cameras on there oh my gosh the first time i ever joined the season for the show i brought a box of chocolates for the real crew and also for production but i didn't realize there were like 70 people on production side so clearly i did not bring enough and that's a really big difference in regular yachting and doing the show there's just

so many extra humans on the boat at all times uh but it's 70 are there 70 people on the boat extra people on the boat no they do it in shifts oh? Are there 70 people on the boat? Extra people on the boat? No, they do it in shifts. Oh, okay. They have like a land base and they come in shifts, but that's still a lot of extra people moving around a small space.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Does Amy fall in love like 10 times a day? Oh my gosh, guys. I really love her and I think she is just so funny this season. She is. She's hilarious and such.

She's like a Sally Field. Yeah. You like me. You really like me. She is so cute. You guys are hilarious. Oh, starfish. Yeah.

I mean, we like her. It's just funny because she's just sort of cast – just every way they show her is this sort of sad, lonely, oh, it's the bride, it's made, never the bride. Even last night, there was some big montage before the housewives got on the boat, and they cut to her, the music just stops, and she's blowing up a balloon alone. It's just like, hi, starfish, we're having a party tonight, starfish. Okay, I got a balloon. Oh, I popped the balloon.

You're the first one on this cruise to get a blowjob. Oh, my God. When I saw that scene, I thought about you guys. Oh, I died. I laughed out loud. I couldn't believe they did that. The editors are such dicks. And there's also one that's obsessed with Emil crotch shots.

I think there's been like five Emil dick shots of him getting out of his, I don't know what you call that, the attic? Yeah. Oh, the bunk. The crawl space. The editing is so good this year. There's so many good subtle nuances. Yeah.

There was actually something even funny last night. I wish I'd written it down. It was like a one-second thing. It was like, here's a slice of life. And it just cracked me up. And, of course, I don't remember it. So, great story of me. But, you know, it's like I know what you're saying.

I think I'm so involved in this season. I think maybe the editing is part of that because I actually feel like I'm part of what's going on on this boat. There's definitely a difference this season in the editing and it's much more fun and like tongue in cheek and they're really having a good time with it. And I think you can tell. Yeah.

Well, also you guys as a crew seem even with, even with some of your duds like Dane and you know, whoever else that, that Don was named Don, Dan, whatever. In the beginning, you guys are Don, whatever, in the beginning.

You guys are generally a pretty functional crew. Even with Leon there, except for that one episode, you guys were still pretty functional compared to, remember, season one and it was such a disaster.

Every episode, things were going wrong and Captain Lee was yelling at everyone and now he's like chuckling. You guys have come a long way. Yeah, we have. I'm taking off my socks and I'm feeling relaxed.

I think he has relaxed quite a bit since season one. Well, yeah, he has. He's totally not. He even smiled a little bit last night. It was weird. Okay, last night you smiled a lot, which felt awkward. And he smiled so much. I was like, what is going on on this boat? Everybody is getting

laid on this boat because everybody is so happy. So I have so many questions that I don't even know where to start. I guess we'll just I mean, should we ask some questions or do you want to do a regular recap of the show like we normally do? We'll leave it at that. Oh, and then I can tell you what

happened as you recap? No? I feel like let's ask. I still have some general questions I want to ask before we jump into the recap. Okay, my first question that every single human that sees me in public asks is, is Rocky really that crazy? Okay, sure. Is she really that crazy?

She's actually more crazy than that. Is that actually her song through the wall right now trying to get into the podcast? Do you hear that noise? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you getting that noise? Oh, I'm sorry. Are you getting background noise? No, I thought it was from me because I've got a drill going outside. Listen, don't worry about background noise. This podcast, this is not serial.

This is serial with a C. We spoke with Kate on the telephone. We asked her questions. Questions she had to look deeply to answer. This is not inside the reality actor studio. I actually like it. Asked her questions. Questions she had to look deeply to answer. Blink, blink, blink. This is not inside the reality actor's studio. I actually like it. It's very NPR to have the sound effects.

The way you held that manager's meeting. Some people would describe it as life-changing, Miss Chastain. How would you describe it? If you can find words to describe your soul. Dead and cold. Yeah, dead and cold. So Rocky is crazier than what we see. So is she even a yachtie?

Was she just cast as like a reality star? I think that she lied on her resume. I think she may have like worked on a yacht once. Or she like... She like went to a pool one time with her parents. Yeah, it was a floating swan in her parents' pool in the backyard. And she's like, like went to a pool one time with her parents yeah it was a floating swan in her parents pool in the backyard and she's like i have sea time yeah she just puts on a sailor hat and sings anything goes and thinks she's been on a yacht as long as someone

inflates me i'll do whatever you ask you can't play it every day she um i mean what was it like to work with rocky she is i mean aside from the fact that she's crazy, I mean, I don't understand how you can be productive in a workplace with someone like that. I mean, I don't want to throw too much shade, but she's, I felt like a hostage, quite frankly. Okay. Don't throw too much shade, but.

Yeah, but it was a hostage situation, and she was my captor, because, like, she wouldn't do her job. So, I mean, I had to do it for her, and my captor because like she wouldn't do her job. So, I mean, I had to do it for her. And anytime I tried to ask her to do her job, it turned into like a meltdown. So we just kind of had to like handle her with kid gloves while splitting money with her evenly. It was just adding insult to injury, quite frankly. And where did she go?

You really know she sucks in that regard when everybody turns on her because I feel like everybody's so polite that even when there's a jerk, they're like, oh. You know, even Dane is like, oh, what a dick. Get him off the boat. But he's got some issues. I hope he's okay. You know, everybody ends. But she's just like being stuck on a plane with a child that won't stop screaming. And you're trying to, like, explain to them that they shouldn't be screaming and shitting all over the plane.

But they just can't. Like it's in their nature, you know? Yeah, you have to walk Rocky up and down the boat to get her to calm down. Like bouncing her and burping her and telling her what a good little baby she is.

My parents sent me on a job that was always rocking and I'm still, I just can't stop crying. Maybe that's why she's always- Go on the giant cradle, honey. Maybe that's why she's always staring at the ceiling in her interviews. Someone's like dangling a little toy above her to keep her calm

oh my gosh that's like the number one comment on social media twitter facebook why is she always looking at the ceiling and i mean i just think it's because she's just so not genuine that she like is coming up with these fictional stories in her head and she's creating them while she's saying them well you're definitely a girl who's watched all of law and order and i respect that yeah do we know where she went do we know where she went to culinary school by the way oh listen she's her she was telling us that she did all these life things like an alpaca farmer a ski instructor an astronaut i'm just like i just don't think that you did any of this more than four days like i think you show up you're like

oh this is hard this is like work i'm i'm gonna go home now yeah well you know when a 20 like someone who's in their young young 20s you like my english i was an english teacher as well besides a podcaster but uh people in their early 20s uh when they've had 300 jobs on their resume, it's like, I know that you think this fills a page, but this doesn't make you look good. You might want to pick two. I wouldn't brag about that. Yeah, exactly. Just because you were a temp one day at the Court on Blue's front desk reception area does not mean you actually went to culinary school. Yeah, I did that. I made up a fake resume to get jobs waiting tables in New York when I was 18 because who

the hell is going to hire some kid, you know? So I looked up in the good old phone book. Back then, they were still hanging off phones that were outside that you could put a quarter into use. No. That's weird. And gas was a nickel. What?

Hey, that's 25% of my phone bill. And yeah, I just made up a huge resume. I typed it up and I went around and I was like, here are the 25 dining restaurants I've worked at. And they're like, why did they all fire you by the time you were 18? You're basically like the working girl of waitering. Melanie. I'm more of the boss who breaks her leg the evil one who's like hobbling down the hallway trying to chase nice people

sigourney weaver who's irreplaceable uh is that is that bueller uh bueller gets excited with the mention of sigourney weaver um so he doesn't i know i once was on a plane with her i have a lot of stories where i tell people that i was on a plane with someone but it. I once was on a plane with her. I have a lot of stories where I tell people that I was on a plane with someone. But it's true. I was on a plane with Sigourney Weaver and I felt so glamorous. That's Ben's book, okay? Did I mention her haircut once? Her Sigourney Weaver haircut?

Sigourney, which one was it? Because she has so many personalities in all of her hairstyles it was um when yolanda from beverly hills got her haircut recently and you said it looked like a sigourney weaver haircut oh wasn't it a demi more mom haircut yeah oh maybe that's oh my god i can't remember past a week. I know. Neither can I. I blame the Ambien. So, when... So, can we ask... Okay, before we get into the episode,

we have to ask our Leon questions, right? We have to talk about Leon. Ugh. Yes, and we also have to talk about non-boat things or non-show things because I want to ask, like, your celebrity stories. Yeah. Oh.

So, Leon first. So Leon first. So you hated him right away, right? That's what it seemed like on the show. I was going to give him a fair chance, especially because I know that people know that Chef Ben and I had hooked up and were friends. I already knew that people were going to be like, Kate doesn't like him because she likes Ben better.

So I was really trying extra hard to find some kind of palatable, redeeming quality in whatever chef, and Leon made it impossible. The first moment I met him, I was really trying extra hard to find some kind of palatable redeeming quality in whatever chef and Leon made it impossible like the first moment I met him I was like so we're gonna be best friends we're roommates he's like do you keep a clean bathroom which is just like awkward because obviously no I don't right because you were saying you don't you don't like to clean up like you spend all this time cleaning other people that when it comes to your stuff you're like not you don't do that that much right didn't you say that on one episode yeah certainly

but also like when i'm working on as a chief stew i don't have time i don't sleep like i'm if i'm in my room i'm changing or that's it i'm not gonna like wipe down the counter so my chef roommate has a better day well also to be told that right when you move in it's kind of like you're very clean right hey how about you worry about how clean you are? Yeah. It's dirty. Tell me later. But like, don't meet me like that.

I always. Especially with eyebrows like that. Or how about the. They only can look at you with shining like eyebrows that they actually like trim down. That's very rare to see. That's a very rare technique. He does have good eyebrows and I don't like the guy at all. And for me to say that, I mean, they are like.

But they're too good. You can't trust them. You don't trim your eyebrows. I don't like the guy at all. And for me to say that, I mean, they are like. But they're too good. You can't trust them. You don't trim your eyebrows. I don't know. You guys should not trim. You know not to trust him. Too perfect. He's like psycho killer eyebrows.

He does have psycho killer everything. Whenever I think of Leon, I have a very strange association, which is that I felt like five or six times during the season, whenever there was like those like montage screens that looked like 24 where there was like six panels on the screen right Leon would either be

like either eating over a bowl or they'd cut to him in his bed with his arm over his head and you just see his big old armpit his big hairy armpit

over and over and over again so every time I think of Leon I just think of that nasty armpit and it's disgusting well it's pretty accurate like that's all he was doing I just think of that nasty armpit. And it's disgusting.

Well, it's pretty accurate. Like, that's all he was doing. And him always having his armpit out is a gross feeling. And that's kind of him encapsulated in an aura. Yeah, it is. You know, now that we're talking about those 24 montages, you're never seen in those, now that I think about it. Because usually it like bloop bloop bloop bloop or whatever and the beep is going and they're like the the uh what's it called the row anchor oh the anchor

is going down or whatever they're not talking but it's like the anchor is going down someone's sweeping something someone's cleaning a window someone's getting out of bed it's like all very dramatic you know but you never see what you're doing unless you're folding something. Do you just not let people around your area? No, I'm just always working. When I did the season two, they had to tell me, when the camera's on you, can you stop working for a second because we're trying to make a show?

That's true. You only really stop when you're asking for an order in the kitchen or talking to a guest, I guess. That's the only time you're really standing still. Yeah. Or in the confessionals, obviously. That would be amazing. What do you guys call those?

The confessionals or the diary rooms or what? I still don't know what to call them. Yeah, they call them interviews when we do them. But I've seen some bloggers call them talking heads, and I really like that. Yeah. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up, I think, accurately. Where do you guys record those? And when do you record them?

Do you record them during shooting? Like, do you record them once every few days? Right. So actually, that's a great question. And it's one of the reasons that making a reality show while yachting is extra difficult. Because even if the charter guests leave, you would think we still have to turn around the boat and maybe have some downtime. But on that one day, we're also shooting those.

That's probably a few hours per person, right? Oh, for sure. And you have to be changing out of one outfit and into another. Emil has to take off one shirt he wears every day to put on the other shirt he wears every day. Oh, Emil. Yeah. But I did want to say, y'all are

so spot on. This is how I knew I loved you guys. I heard you guys talking about the boat's interior. Yes. Oh my god. So 90s. That's exactly what I said. I didn't know if it was 80s, 90s. It was that country wood color. Yeah, and every table

sort of looks round on the side, like the edges are round. It's like a country wood color, but then they try to make it zen but the zen doesn't max match the 80s wood color it's just weird and even the font the font of eros is like it's like a greek i know it's called eros so it should be greek but it looks like a a place where you get a like a like a euro yeah euro it's like yeah it's like here can i get my spanakopita please it's It does look like that. There should be little like blue menu font. Yeah, there should be blue placemats, paper placemats everywhere with mazes on them and like history of the gods.

Uh-huh, exactly. The Euro font. You know, like the standard Greek restaurant font. But also, like, I have to say, I really, I hated the master suite on the boat because to me it seemed like such a waste of space to have those staircases there. I personally, if I were on that – if I had that master suite, I'd want that extra space just to have space. Like, what does it – where is the benefit of having, like, a little staircase that goes up? You're right. There's, like, a little bit of a couch and I guess you would call it like a little sitting room but if you're in your master

you want to be like sleeping or doing something fun you're gonna be sitting on this lame couch when there's decks and decks and main salons and sky lounges it is a waste a little bit but you know when i was giving the tour i'm not gonna say that to the guests i'm like oh this is really you this is really unique this is our waste master bedroom. And this is the frosted glass. Yes, and I say it all the time, but every time you walk through that saying that, I just want you to say things like, Robert Goulet farted in here.

Like just really weird 60s and 70s references of like ghosts coming back and still partying in there. Because that's what it looks like to me when all the walls are shellacked. It's like kind of rich rich but still really ugly. How much were they spilling back then when that design came up? Everything was shellacked.

Back in the day, you know that the two blonde ladies from Perfect Strangers used to take this yacht out. They were like, ooh, it's so glamorous. But I have a question. Why did you make the Real Housewives last night take off all their shoes when they got in? Is that like a thing you do on yachts? Oh, absolutely. There's generally no shoes allowed on the boat

at all because the teak wood outside is really sensitive and all the finish and furnishings are also quite expensive and hard to replace if damaged. So there's no boats on shoes. Wow. Are you guys barefoot or are you guys in little sneakers? so there's no boats on shoes. Wow. Or I mean no shoes on boats, sorry.

So are you guys barefoot or are you guys in little sneakers? We're barefoot usually but I think that's kind of gross when you're serving food so if we do wear shoes, there'll be shoes that we only wear on the boat. Wow, that's interesting. Add a little stuff like that.

That's what I like about the show and that's why, if I may digress for one moment, like Apres Ski, which is below deck on the mountains, I don't feel like I'm going to learn anything interesting like that. Whereas this is like – it's sort of like a cool little tidbit about yachts. I feel educated. No, I think that's why it's popular because it is like a glimpse into the lifestyles of the rich and famous and there's like a technical aspect to below deck.

But I think Apres Ski coming out, it's a great compliment to our show, but I haven't had a chance to see it yet. Yeah. I mean, it's a fine show. It has a lot of potential, but I just feel like it's like Below Deck is more of an authentic world for a show. You know, it's like these are, you know,

people have to be together, you know, working on this boat because you're on a boat. Right. And you actually have to work. Yeah. That is totally different. I feel like maybe Apres Skikate is more like Pump Rules. Yeah, I think that's what they're going.

It's like somewhere between Pump Rules and Below Deck. Which, by the way, I'm down for that hybrid. I'm totally down. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. There needs to be like a bowling alley one. Like everybody who works at the bowling alley. How much?

I just like that they're finally, you guys are the only show where people actually do something. Yeah, I like that. At first I was like, why am I going to watch Maids on a Boat? This show looks stupid. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't want to watch it at all when it first, that's how I didn't remember the first chick.

What's her name? Adrienne. Adrienne. God, wet hair. So that's why I didn't remember her. And then when I actually started watching it, I really liked it because when you do that kind of a job, there is so much frustration. But you also have to learn how to deal with people in such a different way.

It's not like on Pump Rules where you could just be like, you can't just like blow them and then pretend you didn't the next day. You know, like there's different ways. You have to learn to actually talk to people. Yeah. Absolutely. I think the best thing I learned from yachting and not being sarcastic at all is social awareness like you have to kind of learn how to be polite even when you don't want to be because there's no escape so now with leon going back to leon obviously things bubbled over and things got crazy so like how much of like because at first when when you were like saying

what you just just told us how you tried to be friendly to him and then he was like i hope the bathroom's clean and you know you said that on the show like great like that's what what a way to meet i remember when i watched i was like well okay i mean like you know like give it a moment you know it's probably someone new and kate doesn't want to like someone new but like at what point then it became obvious i know he really is a dick like how quickly did his asshole nish really did it take for his asshole nish to really really come out i knew as soon as i met him because i could tell he was lying he hasn't worked on yachts as much as he says he has and i have nothing against cruise ships it's not that i have something

against somebody who's lying about their experience because then I can't give them any advice on how to work on a yacht because they're going to get defensive because they're lying. Right. And as soon as we went down to our bedroom and unpacking, he got even more awkward, which they didn't show. He was like starting to lecture me on my personal investments. And I'm like, whoa, I just met you an hour ago and you're asking me if I've saved my yachting money? Like, too fast, buddy. Yeah. Where are you putting all that if I've saved my yachting money? Too fast, buddy. Where are you putting all that cash, Kate?

You got a plan? Listen here, woman. Pretty much. That's literally how. And I was like, any real yachting knows you kind of try to avoid unnecessary, awkward conversations. You don't dive right in and bring them up. Right, because you're going you're stuck with each other. We'll be sleeping next to each other for a long time. Why don't we worry about my Wells Fargo

account later? He comes off as a really controlling guy right from the start. I did not see that he was lazy because that is one way his eyebrows did not properly communicate because normally people with eyebrows like that work very hard.

So I was surprised. You know how everyone has their default setting? Like Ben was talking about him with his like armpit hanging out in bed like half asleep or whatever like he always was on the show. And Eddie does that one where he's on the phone with his girlfriend and he's like leaning back in bed and he's like resting on the double chin part of your back. Everyone has their default state. And when that was his I was like, how can a person with

eyebrows like that have a default state like that? Because he's also equally lazy and selfish and that's only hair on his top from his shoulders up so he has to really you know make the most of it oh really so does he wax i don't know but i'm pretty sure that's why he was so concerned with my bathroom time in the first place because he wanted to make sure he

had enough space to make those eyebrows perfect or enough time to masturbate with the porn that he's watching with the meal and like even the the beef cheeks, I never even tried them. I don't even care. But he would put them in a sous vide, which is like a crock pot of water. He would put them in the morning the guests arrived and 36 hours on the second night served them. So it's pretty much like he didn't even have to touch them. He would just pull them out. And any protein, if you put it under heat for 36 hours, is eventually going to surrender and become tender.

It's not like a skill. that's what i say about myself well you know the thing is that um in the beginning of the season his dishes when they came out looked really good and the guests were loving them and i was like well he's a dick but he's really good at his job and all that and then you were saying this stuff about he's not even a real yachty and i remember kind of like that was the thing that we were laughing about like he's not even a real yachty. Oh, my God. But then over the course of the season, we actually saw what you were talking about. And that was kind of amazing. It's like, oh, I see what she means about the flexibility and yada, yada, yada.

And he was just cooking the same thing over and over again. And then now that Ben is back on the boat, you can actually see a huge difference in like the style of food he makes um and the variety and and his ability to improvise fresh vegetables my god yeah and like i said the comparison that leon is more like a minivan ben is more like a porsche like yeah ben is good at doing really sophisticated high design meals and leon's built for masses yeah yeah and that's i thought it was pretty clear that that's what you were saying you know everybody gets so like defensive all the time about everything but you're just saying the guy's putting out the same product every day like a line. Right. And that's totally true.

And I mean, there's something to be said. I mean, it's not the same guest over and over again. So I mean, each guest does not know that this is the same dish that's been served the past three times. Yeah, I get that. That's fine. But that's more of a symptom. And it just showed that that's what it was. Yeah.

And it's interesting just watching last night when, first of all, the Real Housewives came on. And they had a few requests. They asked for dinner early or whatever. And it was kind of like no big deal. They asked for a barbecue. And I was just imagining if Leon had to cook barbecue food, he'd be like, oh, well, all right. I guess I'll serve some beef cheeks with some A1, I guess. It's like Ben actually just – he figured out the cuisine and he made it work and i don't think leon would have done that yeah no we would have been serving beef cheeks with barbecue sauce from a bottle yeah exactly

yeah he's doing like dinner theater you know it's the same thing every night and then you've got rocky running around like literally doing dinner theater shaving the tops off of muffins i could not even believe that like I could not believe that. How do you not realize when he says wipe off the spillover that it's like the stuff on the pan there? Oh, God. I got really mad. So tell us some good boat stories. Do you know a lot of celebrities and stuff now just from doing the show, I would imagine? Do you guys go to all the Bravo parties and stuff like that, like the Christmas party?

No, actually. My invite must have gotten lost in the mail or maybe I was out at sea, which is awkward. I don't even know if there was one, by the way. I'm just assuming. Below Deck is a fairly new show, so we haven't spent too much time

doing PR or anything with Bravo, but I did have a lot of celebrities on boats in my career. Like, let's see. Leonardo DiCaprio? Yes, I did have him on board in St. Barts. He's like the most handsome person ever when you see him. I had – I worked for one woman who had like the best party in Cannes every year. And she has an angel ball in new york city

and she's like we had star jones and she was really cool kim and kanye came on wait hold on a second did you just go from leonardo dicaprio to star jones because i'm going backwards in my yeah and then to the card and then the card yeah and then it was kim and kanye but when they first started dating um let's see we had had... Actually, I was on Bravo. Donald McDonald. Yeah, and then we had the McBurglar or whatever his name is. Big Bird, Elmo.

It was great. But then also, I was on Bravo before I even was on the show, and I forgot about this because they were filming The Real Housewives of New York, and I was on a yacht in the Hamptons, and Bethany had dated my yacht owner. Wow. And we were all out, and they were filming, and I was on a yacht in the Hamptons, and Bethany had dated my yacht owner. Wow. And we were all out, and they were filming,

and the housewives tried to come on our boat, but my boss at the time was not really into it. But then later, Ramona walked up the dock and came on board and invited herself, and she was just as she is on TV. Yep. Hi, do you have any wine? Is there any wine here?

Because I left mine in the hotel room. Who doesn't have wine? do you have any wine? Is there any wine here? Because I left mine in the hotel room. Who doesn't have wine? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's de classe. If you don't have Vermont wine on your yacht, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Hi, Star Jones. Yeah. Well, you're lucky that boats don't remind her of her father. She would have had a nervous breakdown

right there and then a helicopter would have come to pick her up. She would have had to jump off like Rocky. Yeah. A lot of yachts, they're owned by billionaires that you would never even know. Russian oligarchs. It's not that exciting. The celebrities are always just guests.

Friends of friends. That's interesting though that they're owned by private billionaires and stuff. That's just like their little business. They have a couple boats. Oh, it's not even a business. It's just another their little business. They have a couple boats. Oh, it's not even a business. It's just like another vacation home that they come and hang out on. Oh, I see.

Yeah. What's the biggest yacht you've worked on? About 200 feet. Anything larger than that, your crew gets like 20 people and it's not as fun. So around 180, 200 feet, you've got a crew about 15, 17. And it's young, attractive people from around the world. And that's amazing. How big is the one on this season? This season was 160.

And that's a pretty perfect size. Wow. Wow. And that's pretty cool that you don't see much of the Bravo end of it. Because it must feel crazy just going to work like normal for a few months. And then having all of that yeah on tv because you're not planning it like you're not i guess you're not getting all of the bullshit in your head around you you know i thought it was yeah sorry it's super interesting when i first went on for my first season i was like i got extra lip gloss and makeup and i was like i'm gonna keep one

on every level so i'm always camera ready you know being vain by day two i was like, I'm going to keep one on every level. So I'm always camera ready, you know, being vain by day two, I was like, get out of my way. Like I forgot they were there by like week two. I was actually jealous that the cameras weren't on me. No. Um, I thought it was funny last night that when you guys were having your meeting and you saw that it was, it's gonna be the real housewives of Atlanta that Eddie was like, Hey, they're on TV. I'm like, you realize you're actually on TV on the same network. You're actually promoting their show actively. Yeah, that was a hilarious moment. I didn't even know what to say.

I was like, I don't know what I can say. Do we break down that fourth wall? Like, oh, and we're on TV too. No, we're not. Oh. I know. I thought that was a very bizarre moment. Yeah.

Yeah, because you can't say things like, hi, nice to meet you, lady that Andy doesn't have a doll of behind his head. Like, hi, not Nini, or whatever. I also liked how... Oh, I'm sorry. I was just going to say, I liked how, you know, you see Cynthia. Why am I blanking on Cynthia's last name? Cynthia...

Bailey. Bailey. She's walking down, and everyone's like, ooh, it's diva time. Oh, it's going to be diva time. And in the end, they're like, wow, these guys were really nice guests. It was pretty easy. I'm like, yeah, have you ever seen the show? She's the most boring housewife there is.

Of course, there's no problems. When she kept saying, oh, yeah, I'm such a diva. I'm very hard to please and stuff like that. I was like, you are not. You're like the easiest. I'm surprised she wasn't back there cleaning counters and shit. Yeah. I'm on counter duty tonight. I'm very hard to please and stuff like that. I was like, you are not. You're like the easiest. I'm surprised she wasn't back there cleaning counters and shit. Yeah. I'm on counter duty tonight.

Thanks for the Fritos. Their food list was like Fritos, pizza, something cooked, chips, fruit loops. Yeah. Fruit loops. So have you ever had anything on a boat that's made it? What's your most intense relationship on a boat? And not necessarily sexual, obviously, but where you've just been stuck with somebody and you can't get away from them. I mean, I'm not going to lie.

This season was probably one of my most difficult seasons on or off camera between Rocky and Leon. It was really, really difficult because generally those people get fired much sooner. Yeah, they can't just fire them as easily here, although you wouldn't know it because you guys have been through a few people now. Well, that was a problem. Right at the end of the season, it's like, hey, here's the hot guy again.

Yeah, that was the problem because we went through Dawn and then Dane. We really weren't in a position to be losing cast members left and right anymore, so we were kind of stuck with how was there is there a lot of um i don't want to and i don't want to put you in a position here but in terms of like things that are scripted versus things that are really happening or producer intervention like um i remember when this show first began i was like i'm not gonna watch it it's just gonna

be all totally scripted but you know when i watch it it feels actually like it's not as scripted as you think. How much of it would you say is their intervention, are you allowed to say? Zero of it is scripted. It all is really happening. Because it's so expensive to charter a boat, we only have six weeks to make this whole show. There are story

people that will come and speed things along and suggest, hey, maybe have this conversation with that person person but they don't tell you what to say and if you don't feel comfortable saying it you just say no I can imagine doing that too no like look you need to have this conversation

anyway why don't you just do it right now in the kitchen did they tell you do they tell you to have conversations with Leon say this like like would they say hey what you seem frustrated with Leon. You should maybe talk to him about it. Would they say things like that to you? Yeah, because I was avoiding speaking to him

because I really got such a dark vibe from him. I thought if I told him what I really thought, you know, he's got sharp knives around him and I just didn't trust that he wouldn't black out and do something scary. So I was kind of, yeah. They wished that I had spoken my mind a bit more with him, but I didn't trust that he wouldn't black out and do something scary so i was kind of yeah they wished that i had spoken my mind a bit more with him but i i didn't did you he does have that meanness when

he gets mad and that's the difference because um ben does get you know crazy back there or whatever it's not like he's not a diva right but he doesn't have the mean edge you know yeah yeah it's like you can tell the difference between someone who is stressed out and is like losing their mind at the moment versus someone who is just nasty yeah he had very dark energy and i was like i do not want to unleash that so once he was that makes it enjoyable he's like you're an idiot this is stupid everything's dumb've ruined everything okay still working on him he's new for me but did you ever get so once leon was fired did you like did you uh do something with that dehydrator box see that was that was the last straw for me because it was like he literally only wanted

the box because i wanted the box and it was so frustrating because there is a rule there's another yachting tidbit on most yachts cardboard is not even allowed on the boat. Like if you get a delivery in a cardboard, you take the cardboard off the boat because there could be bugs. And if you get bugs on the inside of the boat, it's like thousands of dollars to redo the boat or bomb the boat. So Leon telling me to save the cardboard was like him just showing his inexperience. Yeah, he's fighting to look like an idiot. Is that why you were pointing out there was mold in the bottom? I mean, that didn't help either.

It's like, this cardboard shouldn't be here. It definitely shouldn't be here because it's moldy. So thanks for that, Leon. Get your moldy cardboard. And didn't he pour honey in your bed when he left? We didn't even ask you about that. Yes, he did. So Connie and I had been doing pranks on each other all season.

One day I had these leggings I'd wear and she sewed one of the legs shut, which was hilarious. So when I got to my bed after that charter, it was such a long day, and I go to get in bed and there's Honey. I was like, Connie! She's like, I didn't do that. And Emil was in the crew mess laughing and he was like, Leon did it. He said he'd

get the last laugh. And I was like, well, I think it's hilarious. And I just went and stayed in a guest room and Eddie and Connie cleaned my sheets for me. Wow. Oh, nice. Emil's probably making fart noises with his armpit. That's funny too. Yeah. I'm a comedian.

I should show that woman. You want to go? You want to go, Kate? You want to go? You want to go right now, Kate? You want to say something? You want to say something right now, Kate? Go on then. Go on then. I'm like, whoa, whoa,

back down there, brows. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was- Not cute. Objectively terrible, that Leon. So after all of this is over, do you know,

who do you talk to in real life? Is your life like an actor where you're just always gone and it's hard to have relationships? Like, what's your real life like? Actually, I just started working for a private jet company, which I'm super excited about because it's like twice the money, half the work. Like you travel. It's amazing.

I still keep in contact with Ben, Amy, Connie, Kat from the last season. Captain Lee and I talk all the time. I met Eddie. I talk to everyone. Even Rocky and Emil have messaged talk all the time. I met Eddie. I talk to everyone. Even Rocky and Emil have messaged me since the show. Wow. Well, could you tell that Emil didn't like you as hard as he

doesn't on the show? Because he seems to be really nice to you on the show. Were you surprised when you heard him talking trash? No, because I caught him a few times and I even tried to help him. I was like, listen, Emil, it's not a good look for you. Like I'm the chief stew and I thought you were a real yachty and you're kind of like aligning yourself with two people that are not likable.

So if I were you, I'd maybe reconsider. And since then he has been like, I'm so sorry. But it's kind of like, well, I told you and now it's like, oh, thanks. Now it's on television. Yeah. But you'll send me a text now. Thanks. It's amazing how his like hotness has diminished.

I mean, he's still hot. But like when in the beginning of the season, it's like, oh, look at this hot guy. And he just seems so confident and dreamy. And then over the course of the season, you just realize he's got no game. And he's kind of got to stick up his ass a little bit. And he's sort of just sort of like a sweet loser, you know? It was sort of weird to see that transformation. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he's sort of just sort of like a sweet loser you know it was sort of weird to see that transformation yeah i mean i don't think he's attractive at all but that's because

i know him but i can see why um his features when you first meet him they're very nice yeah well it's like when you you're so funny you called it when you called it with the Ryan Notling when you said, that guy was hot at first. And then, I don't know, like snake loafers or whatever. You're like, and then he opened his mouth or something. And that's so true. Like, you always like them the first day because they're hot. And then, oh, no, they also talk. No.

Who are your least favorite guests? All of our guests this season were really, really great. My least favorite guests were from last season. We had this one lady who had a dog that was like her best friend. She talked to it. And she was just insane. Didn't she come on twice? Yeah, she loves it.

But the dog was like one of those homeschooled kids where you're like, I can tell it's smart and like super loved, but it's also like socially awkward and just wants to like get break free. Yeah. Yeah, it needs socialization. Yeah. Yeah. I was a little sad that there was no inflatable slide drama this year. That was one of my favorite parts. I was like, I got to get out the slide and everyone complained.

And then for 30 seconds you'd watch it. It would send the deck crew into like a meltdown. But I think that slide got enough airtime last season. It was practically like the 10th cast member.

I know. It actually was interviewed on Watch What Happens. Yeah. And he's like, so what's it feel like to be inflated? So slide,

are those real? I like them. When was the last time you got blown? Get it? Oh my God, that's hilarious. I actually would have

liked to have seen it this year because it would have been really funny to have seen Don on one of his power trips dealing with that slide. That was like,

I was looking forward to that so much in the beginning of the season and then it never happened. Oh, because you know he'd be like, listen guys, I know

we should use an inflator, but here's what I think. I've got a new idea. We should maybe just like, I'll get over here and I'll flex my muscles and it'll be attached to a rope and then the slide will go up. It's easy. Yeah, I'm a slide engineer. I do this stuff for a living. I have questions about last night's show. So with these real house,

how perfect is that that you're coming on on the Real Housewives week? Of course it was Cynthia. So so it's like did she talk about loaning money to her husband and never getting paid back no but um the people i know there wasn't a lot of drama on it but claudia looked there was something up with claudia like she was looking at people really hard when was it when was it filmed by the way like this no this was in late february and it was freezing cold it was like less than 40 degrees it's like 38 degrees wow yes i saw it was like 7 30 p.m and it was dark out so it's like okay this was not filmed at a nice oh look at you yeah i was law and order wow yeah i'm very detail-oriented sometimes um uh sorry ron order observation was claudia was giving everybody

crazy look like you know how everybody was looking emil up and down she was giving this like weird cat eye crazy look and then later when they were all laying around on the couch she was giving a crazy look my question is was she crazy because she seemed so normal on the show but then on this show she seemed nuts so tell me behind the scenes what is she doing no she was super sweet with her words but she definitely is a little intimidating like she was the head guest she had the master suite and i think it was her birthday week and oh no that's cynthia so claudia is oh claudia oh claudia she was right claudia is very cool i think that's just you know i have her friend. Oh, Claudia. She was right. Claudia is very cool.

I think that's just, you know, I have a bitchy resting face. I think Claudia just has a bitchy resting face because she was super sweet. I love Claudia. She's thinking very hard about what everybody was saying. So someone would be talking and she'd kind of have that half squint and just be nodding like she's listening really hard. And I'm like, why is she looking at everyone so hard? I guess that's just me who noticed it. So let's just let it go and pretend this didn't happen but i was like why is why isn't she like this on the show oh you can see like the wheels turning like

she was coming up with things to do yeah yeah well but alas she was on a boat with cynthia they were like okay let's look at our phones it's like you guys what are you gonna fight with your facebook you better do something well it's like, you guys, what are you going to fight with your Facebook? You better do something. Well, it's like those guys last season who were on their computers the entire time doing day trading or whatever it was. That ridiculous episode. Oh, that guy. That was really sad for them. If they could have just texted me during direct message on Facebook or something like, we want a pina colada, that would have been easier for everyone.

Because they were on their computers the whole time yeah they that guy came on the recap site and was going off on the commenters because everybody was making fun of him he's crazy he was like an asshole right he was having comment wars on the side it was so so so

good and he's like well you try being a billionaire when you're five or whatever he's like I do everything on my own. And they're like, nah, those kids are slaves for you on that boat. It's like child labor. Like he posted on Instagram like three days ago. It's like, dude, let it

go. He did. He's like, well, I didn't get my water on time when I was on that boat. Like, what is he still talking about? No, he like hashtags below deck because he's trying. He's got like some kind of pyramid scheme kind of deal. Yeah, he's very Wolf of Wall Street. I remember on that boat. Like, what is he still talking about? No, he, like, hashtags below deck because he's trying, he's got, like, some kind of pyramid scheme kind of deal. Yeah, he's very Wolf of Wall Street. I remember that.

Yeah, so he's, like, trying to get followers and he's still, even though he, like, slammed us and said it was, like, awful experience because he was portrayed poorly, he still doesn't mind using it. Yeah, and it's also like, oh, just, like, relax.

You're on a yacht, okay? You're on a yacht. Who cares? Yeah. If you're a billionaire, it doesn't matter. You have all the money that you need. So no one's going to,

you know, like you need to just get over yourself. I have, we have a question because we should start to get into the episode, but really quickly with the fire, I want to know about the day with the fire and then the day afterwards. So was the, was some,

was the kitchen as dirty as they're saying like it was really because of the because there was shit in the oven that's really what it was yeah it really was and it wasn't your poor pizza skills no and i admit it yeah i left some pans in there but i assumed they would be clean i mean i've left pans in there when i cooked at home because i'm not in yachty mode when i'm at home but also like i was there, and Rocky wanted me to do the DVD player, and I literally said, and I wish they'd show this, I was like, okay, I'll go upstairs where I'm comfortable, and you stay down here in the galley where you're comfortable,

and just watch the pizza and the popcorn. I come down, everything's on fire. Sounds about right. And, you guys, this is funny. So you guys, I've listened to you, like, oh, and Kate's running around waving her arms really slowly. Let me just tell you, I had a rag in in my hand and what i was doing was beating the smoke away from the fire detectors because i didn't want the fire alarms going off dousing the boat

and waking up the guests i'm telling you anytime something happens on the boat with the music any even if it's just the anchor outside music's like's like, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. And then it shows you not running, but moving more quickly than usual with your arms moving slowly in the air. I don't know what it is. Maybe that's your default state. Yeah, it is. Flailing. That is how I resolve 99% of my life problems.

Yeah, my favorite is the kitchen entrance. The kitchen entrance and exit is my favorite because that's like your sitcom space. It's like an 80s sitcom where something's going on in the kitchen and then you just walk right in that swinging door. Well, it's not a swinging door, but I'm talking like cheers. You walk right in the swinging door, make one smart assass line, and then you're out the other door. That's my little sound stage. Exit stage right. You're like a pretty Carla from Cheers.

Oh, thanks. Or you can snipe. Yeah. Like the sniper spot. Like, snipe and go. Snipe and run. Yeah, drive-by insult. Just walk by.

Don't slow down. Just drop it and go. Love it. Okay, so let's get into the good old. Just drop it and go. Love it. So it was dirty. Good old episode. Is that your only one or do you have more? No, I just wanted to know. The kitchen was really

just so dirty that it caught on fire. That's bad. Ben validated that one right when he came in. He's like, this place is disgusting. These vegetables are two weeks old. That's bad to not even have a vegetable that's fresh. Come on.

And quite frankly, there have been times where the chef has gone to bed on other charter yachts, but they leave something prepared for the stewardesses to make with a note like 350 degrees. Interesting. But he couldn't even clean his own oven out, let alone possibly. Or cook a conch. Or cook a conch. Or cook a conch. And by the way, I mentioned this on the podcast.

I know I keep on delaying us recapping the show, but this is a very important point to me, which is that when the conch episode happened and it was like, oh, we're going to get conchs and cook it. I paused the show because I was curious because I'm a curious gentleman. And I went onto YouTube and I was like,

how do you open up conch? And I sat there and watched it for five minutes. And I was curious because I'm a curious gentleman and I went onto YouTube and I was like, how do you open up Conk? And I sat there and watched it for five minutes and I was like, oh, so that's how you do it. And then I looked at like some tutorials. I don't know why I was going down this path, but I did.

And then I started up the show again and Leon's like, I don't know what to do. And he's like throwing it against the deck like a caveman and like hammering it. I'm like, dude, you have the internet.

Just look online for five minutes. They're out fishing, you stupid idiot. Yeah, he didn't even know how to Google. I would ask him to make flan for the Mexican party. He's like, yeah, can you Google that out and print it out for me? I'm like, uh, no. You have an iPhone tele-putting.

He's like, Siri, listen here, woman. You're gonna find out how to make flan, and you're going to do it fast. Yeah, Leon can't even communicate with Siri. That's how much he hates emails. Like, stupid bitch. There's a woman on my phone. I want a Verizon.

Yeah. The thumbprint's probably too dirty. I'm never the first one to be calling someone a sexist or getting all, you labally with that stuff because normally i hate that stuff but that guy is a total sexist it's so funny whenever he had to talk to a woman and he really proved it when amy tried because amy is like the nicest no matter how young she is she's like the nicest mom who's just trying so hard to keep her kids you know on the right path she's like well it mom who's just trying so hard to keep her kids, you know, on the right path. She's like, well, it looks like you may not be having so much fun. You want to talk about it?

She is the cutest. Even when she was talking to Rocky, she's like, well, honey, you know, sometimes your attitude sucks. Yeah, I like that. Sometimes you have to make it fun. Now, here's how to get spots off the mirror and smile while you're doing it i love every spot is a bad feeling that you're getting out of your seat rocky's like oh kill me mom i can't do this every time they show those clips of it's usually a before you know last week or next week it's they're always showing Rocky having some breakdown, you know, like in the middle of a breakdown.

And every time I see that, I've forgotten what a nightmare she is. I just let it go. Like it's a little kid having a fit. You can't remember them all. And when I see them again, I'm like, oh, my God, she did just jump off the boat last week. Yeah, it's crazy that she did that. And by the way, also also how did you appreciate leon uh suggesting that the reason why there was a fire was because you were drinking

i didn't even know about that until i watched it i had no idea because i asked people i was like why did he get fired i didn't even know how it all went down and so nobody would tell me that he said that so i was shocked wow i'm shocked that you have a production staff that didn't tell you that. Normally they'd be like, he just called you an alcoholic. Here's a knife and a can of peanut butter or a jar of peanut butter. Do whatever you're going to do. Yeah, we trust you. Go for it.

No, they didn't even tell me. Wow. We actually know one of your producers, Nadine, right? Oh, my God. I love her. I love her. Yeah. I love that girl.

We used to work at the same website. Love her. She's hilarious. I didn't know she was on Below Deck now. Yeah, I love that girl. We used to work at the same website. Love her. She's hilarious. I didn't know she was on Below Deck now. Yeah, her name's every week. Yeah, she just started with the season. Oh, my God. Good for her.

She's done so many Bravo shows. I know. And, man, she works so hard to, like, get excited. You know, she's so positive. She is high energy. She's hilarious. And we're so lucky to have her. Love that girl.

She's super sweet. Nadine Rajabi, yeah. Well lucky to have her. Love that girl. She's super sweet. Nadine Rajabi. Yeah. Well, she does those bathtub interviews with the Shaws of Sunset. I'm surprised that she wouldn't. I guess she can't do it for her own shows. But those are really funny. Have you ever watched those on Bravo TV?

Yeah. And actually, I also went to her website and watched her stand up, which is hilarious. Yeah. She's so, so talented. She used to write the news portion at TVgasm. She was like the news side, so she would just make fun of news stories every day. Love her, my little Percy.

She's great. Remember how I said the season's like, you can tell it's like great editing. I think that has a lot to do with Nadine. Wow. She's funny. That makes so much sense because it looks like somebody funny is doing it.

It's like a dick shot every week. Some of the little things that she's, oh, I'm going to Facebook her. That's a sign of real friendship when you send a Facebook and you're like, heart. Yeah, tell Nadine that we want to be guests on the next season. We want to be yacht guests. Okay, cool. Let's do it. You guys might have to wear a mustache and a disguise.

Yeah, I can do that. Yeah, let's totally do it. It's totally real. Everybody will recognize this. No one will recognize this. You just don't want them to think you're biased in any ways. No, I'll be ordering everyone around. I want my orange juice and I want it now.

I'll just be sitting in the master suite with a blanket. Making fun of people through the window and be like, I don't want to go out there. Don't make me. Okay. So Kate, you've already been talking to us forever.

And by the way, thank you because we'll keep you on here. Like it'll be a mini series by the time we're done. So, you know that we're crazy and we just blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah. When you have something to say, say it because otherwise you'll be over talking. Don't let us over talk you. And if you have to go at some point, that's cool too. Don't worry. Don't feel obligated.

Okay. So Ronnie, you do it with us. Just don't be afraid to talk because you know I'll never shut up. Okay. I will interject. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You got to ring that doorbell or no one's going to answer, Kate. Starfish. Starfish. Why aren't you talking to me?

Hey, Starfish, why aren't you letting me on the podcast, Starfish? I tried to move on with Balloon, but then he flew away. Bye, Balloon. Bye, Balloon. I'm not holding anything against you. I'll always hold this day in my heart. Oh, horse, you crab. You're going to wait for me for your podcast.

I'll be on your podcast. Starfish won't let me have fun. Kate, I feel really guilty when we talk about Amy because she's so sweet and I really like her. And we make fun of her so much. And I feel bad when she says things like, well, you understand that i'm a maid and like now she seems so aware and i'm like oh no i hope that she doesn't read stuff on the internet and people saying that and think that that's bad you know like i feel bad she doesn't have like many haters at all she's really adorable and in the next two episodes which i've had the chance to see just

today she is just i think she's the funniest one on the show, quite frankly. And I've talked to her about y'all's blog. I was like, listen, they make fun of everybody. And I have to say I love you, but Starfish thinks funny. Yeah, it's just, you know, we just use her as a jumping off spot character. It's not really about her. Yeah, you guys go on tangents. It's cool. Yeah. So, Ronnie, why don't you kick us off?

So there's some tension going on in there. And I made the sexual gun. I know what you mean. Butter knife. Okay, so my first note is it's opening like bloodline. And I don't know if it's because I know you're in Florida, right, Kate? Yeah. Okay, yeah.

So maybe that's why that was in my head because I knew we were going to talk to you. But I was like, ooh, it's going to be a dark, mysterious episode. Oh, that intro is so – I was like, where is this coming from? What's this leading to? And then they just jump over into like, happy work time. Yeah. It was like someone just died. A brother just killed somebody.

And then it's like no one's awake yet. It's that beautiful time of the day. No one sees because we sleep through the beauty or whatever and then it's like okay time to clean the windows you know yeah i totally noticed that rocky looking over like she's thinking deeply about something but it's totally not happening yeah like what is it just like it's just like calliope music going on through her head yeah then they're like just kidding it's just like calliope music going on through her head then they're like just kidding it's below deck get up do the dishes Ben impressed so Ben was very

unimpressed with the state of the refrigerators and I was like ooh burn out of anything that you could say to Leon right now that would probably be the harshest the guy was a slob I can't even do it I can't even do it. I can't go from Leon to trying to figure out

Ben's Animaniac voice. Yeah, I can't. It's very hard to make these adjustments and all these accents. And Bravo is just throwing more and more accents at us.

And like, it's just hard to make these hairpin turns. It's like, uh, doing Ben. That's my Ben right there. I can help you with Ben.

Ben went to a very posh boarding school and he speaks with like what they call the Queen's English. So you just I can help you with Ben. Ben went to a very posh boarding school, and he speaks with what they call the Queen's English, so you just have to slow it down. Yeah. Babe, this galley is a disaster.

That's right. He sort of speaks like Sophie and Annabelle. Still not doing a very good job, but you know. It's a jumping off. This refrigerator is embarrassing. I like his weird laugh. I'm more concentrating on the laugh for now. Yeah, between that and the Rocky laugh,

it's very difficult. I still can't do Rocky laugh. Rocky has so many put-on personalities that I'm not really sure which one to even pick. I think the real one is the one where she's sitting and being interviewed. Her talking heads, where she's talking to her invisible parents who are above her that she could never please. I think her real one is the one where she's sitting and being interviewed her talking heads where she's talking to her invisible parents who are above her that she could never please i think her real personality is when eddie is ignoring her and she gets pissed off and she stops being the drama camp girl and she gets that she's glowers and gets really angry and she's like

you know that's i feel like the real rocky right there that does suck though i don't think she's being immature i mean yeah i don't think so, but you still shouldn't just, like, fuck some crazy girl in the laundry room and then just dump her when she's not popular. I actually agree with that. I mean, Kate, maybe you can tell us if there's more to it than that, but I feel like Eddie is actually being a dick to her. And, you know, even though she's crazy, he knew that.

He should have always known that. And he's the one in a dysfunctional relationship with the two of them. I was so shocked when I heard they were hooking up. I really was. And I didn't think any less of Rocky. And, you know, it happens. I've hooked up with people I didn't really think I should have in hindsight on boats. Cabin fever's real.

But, yeah, I don't think Eddie handled it the best. Yeah, just because that's not nice. You heard a girl's feelings and you just used her for sex at the end of the day because it's not like he was surprised that she was crazy she had already been crazy you know yeah it's almost like he's gaslighting her gaslighting whatever it is

there is an element she's already crazy but like you can see her actually being hurt and I think that's making a crazy person crazier. Yeah. But you know what's funny to me about Eddie is that the first two seasons, Eddie was always the most responsible one.

And he still is responsible. But seeing this dysfunctional relationship playing out that he has with this girl, Amy, I think, right? It's surprising to me. with this girl amy i think right it's it's surprising to me you would think he would just have like a good like happy little relationship with a little picket fence or whatever and she cheats on him and he's like i can't fucking trust you i can't trust you at all there's lots of then he goes and sleeps with rocky and he's like yeah you know what we all make mistakes i'm like no no no no no don't be that guy and i'm surprised you are that guy yeah he's full of surprises isn't he yeah he really is uh he's at the end of the day he's a male go figure yeah because that's kind of how i think of him you know he's like you cheated babe

but you're still calling every day to fight so there's something going on like if you're still calling me to yell at me about cheating you you're obviously – Okay, is this girl even real? Because you know him in real life. Because I feel like she's the girlfriend from Canada in South Park. She's just not there. No, actually, I've met her, and she's gorgeous and adorable, and I love her. And that's another reason I was so shocked that Eddie hooked up with Amy because – or Connie, because his girlfriend, who's also named Amy, is nothing like Rocky.

Well, I would hope not. Oh, my God. No, I mean, who is? Let's face it. But also, the whole season, Eddie was telling me, like, I always feel so bad for you. I can't believe you have to have her as your third stew. I've got your back. Da-da-da-da-da.

And really, he was banging her in the laundry room the whole time. Yeah. Yeah, that's. He did still, you know, come back to his original love. The rules. He was like, wait a second now i can't be i can't be having sex with non-rules he freaked out he's like i can't do this anymore i don't know if it was guilt or the crazy or what or maybe he just doesn't need to have that much

i can't imagine that having sex with rocky is that great only i mean she's so pretty and everything so i'm not saying anything about that but i just imagine the whole time she's that kind who's going to laugh the whole time or be like yeah I just feel like she'll be singing Liza Minnelli stuff like next thing you know it's like she's climaxing while she's blurring out stuff from Cabaret

we're doing it we're doing it maybe next time he'll hit the G spot maybe next time I'll hit the G spot. Maybe next time I'll come. Well, one thing we learned in song improv class is that it's more about a feeling and not a plot. And I just wish I could have told Rocky because all of her

music is just so literal, you guys. Like, who wants to sit through that improv show? It's like, I'm ironing. I'm ironing right now. No, it's like, I'm taking the faults out'm ironing right now. No, it's like, I'm taking the faults out of you. You know, like, bring it some feeling to it. It's not just literal. I'm getting

some water. Eddie's inside me. No, like, what are you feeling, Rob? Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. She really just upped her ironing song game. But she did get those sheets ironed, Kate. How many people had ever done that?

I mean, a fitted sheet. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th. Or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of.

But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. a broken clock is right two times a day. Exactly. That was a saying I was looking for. It's like horse to water. No, that's not it. Something about like you put a thousand monkeys in a room and they'll type something. Yeah, exactly.

Broken clock. I like broken clock on that one. So now we're on scene one. Ben is unimpressed with the state of the refrigerator. It's hilarious. Okay, new deckhand. And I wrote down made in a suit. I love a made in a suit. There's nothing better than someone coming in

to get a waiting tables job dressed to the nines. And I love that because it's like I dress like, I don't know. I like it. And that guy is so cute. I love him. When I saw who it was, I was so excited. Yeah, he did gay porn. He wasn't like a one and done, right, Kate?

Like he did a lot of gay porn, didn't he, Dave? I didn't really know him until this season and I didn't get to know him that well. But yeah, I have heard that he had a career prior to that. Yeah, yeah. He had a full on career. He wasn't like one of those, you know, like dick pics gone wrong or whatever. He was good at it. And he's so cute and nice.

Oh my god. It wasn't like I need to pay the rent just this one month. It was like I'm into this. Yeah, it was like I'm hot and if you can make some money sucking a dick, why not? It's so funny how it's viewed so differently in the

gay industry because people are like oh wow, he's a gay porn star? That's awesome. He owns a business. He's in an industry. And women can't get hired at the bank or whatever. Yeah. So wrong.

It was sort of surprising that he came back. I was surprised. It was like a throwback to season one. But he does seem really nice. And he got married. Isn't he married? Didn't he get married? I think so.

He said in the beginning he got engaged in the laundry room. I mean, that's, come on. Like via Skype. Yeah, that's right. Actually, they haven't. I don't think they've gotten married yet, but they are very excited about it. Yeah.

So cute. Okay, so he's coming. Oh, yeah, Dave, I got engaged in the laundry room, but I'm still hot. Oh, he's like, hi, I'm still hot. Good to see you. Everyone's like, wow, this guy. For see you everyone's like wow this guy forgot how charming this guy was yeah but he he needs to work on the facial hair though it's like very dave navarro and not in a great way i think he does look like dave navarro i was trying to remember

who he looked like yeah i just heard me right now just as i said i was like it's dave navarro say it ben get it out there but i mean it's not to not i don't like to harp on people's physical appearances that much. Me either. Something that can be fixed just by a simple shave, a quick little shave. Especially as a gay man. If you're a gay man and you look as good as that, why sully it? Because if people see a hot person and then they see the hot person again, they're automatically devalued in their mind.

You know what I mean? Like that's why people – that's why Pornhub is popular because you can't just watch the same porn every day, right? You have to see something new at all times. So he's got to keep it fresh. You can't just always look – he's got to have different facial hair organizations every day to keep people looking. You don't want to get devalued as a hot person when you've got that. A face like that. It's so hard.

It's so hard being hot. You've got to mix it up. Keep it fresh, fresh face. Alright, so Emil of course is immediately like another man? I could have done this myself. I wish I had a lady in my room.

To masturbate to 16 times a day. When he said that, I was so grossed out about how he jerked off six times that day. How can he hide that in the boat? Did he? Or do people just figure, oh, Emil's jerking off again. I was shocked when they showed the night cam

and there was movement under the sheets. I was shocked at that. And I was really shocked when he full-on admitted it to Leon. It's like, ew, nobody wants to hear about that. And and second of all i don't think i could even do something like that on the boat because like it's not a very sexy place like the top bunk of a boat below deck with like a bunch of crewmates really nearby that can be hot i would uh yeah that i was like that sounds extremely hot oh okay this is turn taking a. We've taken a turn. Okay. Yeah.

Really horny people who can't get laid stuck in a place they can't get out of with me. Wow. Jail actually sounds not so bad. If I could get sent to one of those nice jails where you still – maybe I can go to Pilates and stuff and start looking better. It sounds good to me. I could find a boyfriend. Like an ashram in India that you don't have to travel as long to.

And people have a shower. Yeah. Actually, it's a lot like yachting jail, I think. But at least in jail, you don't have to work. Yeah, exactly. You just have to take a class.

I think you do, though. Don't they make the whole thing that they say they make license plates in jail? That's like the grandma thing to say. Like, well, someone in jail made that. Yep. Yeah. Martha Stewart made stuff.

Well, she made ponchos or something. Okay. She made The Apprentice in jail. She made her entire Martha Stewart Living Kmart collection in jail. Yeah. Well, she paid her child workers probably about as much as they get paid in jail i think they get paid like six dollars and i mean six cents an hour or something like that she recruited her inmate she's like hey when you guys get out you want to come

work for me they're like sure or while you're an intern is she just had she turned she turned the entire jail yard into like a big internship program yep so yeah that sounds really hot to me but yeah emile gross and i just thought how many people had to deal with the sounds of emile masturbating because that's not like a shy masturbator somebody walks in and he's like i just rubbed six out in a row how about you chef and the grossest part was it was in the galley and like leon's like using his hands to like mix something in a bowl and i was, this is just too suggestive. Yeah. You know, someday I'm scared for Emil for the day that he winds up at a job where there's a human resources because half the shit he said on this show, it's like, wow, you would be fired from many, many places.

Yeah. Yeah. Whereas some of these guys I think are just maybe people who didn't have parents and just ended up kind of wandering around and finding a yacht to work on like emile's like that and so was dane dane was like yeah i'm a wealthy kid but like you know the important thing is like here i am and like sun's out so everything's cool it's like what who is where did they find this guy yeah i have no idea where i came from you know you didn't long. I think some of our charter guests had actually more screen time than Dane did. Well, he certainly left with a bang. So actually, that leads me to a quick question.

How do they cast this show when they need people? Is it word of mouth through you guys, like the grapevine of who actually can do the job? Because this isn't something they can just call the casting office in LA for. I think they try all avenues. I have gotten about four people on the show. Now, Connie this season, Logan from last season, Don, actually.

I know he seemed a little bit silly, but he is good at engineering. Unfortunately, that wasn't his job. Who else? Somebody else. I can't remember right now. Yeah, that was his job. Who else? Somebody else. I can't remember right now. Yeah. Well, yeah.

He just, yeah, if that was his job, he seemed okay. He just seemed really roidy. Like, oh, hey, hey, what's going on? He was very Jersey. He was just like

very New Jersey. Oh, my gosh. Why doesn't anybody know how to lift that? Huh? Huh? I'm the only one who knows how to lift it?

All right. Give me a compass. Give me a compass. Yeah, I made Housewives taglines for the entire cast because we did the Housewives. And Don's was, building muscle is a compass. Give me a compass. Yeah, I made housewives taglines for the entire cast because we did the housewives. And Dawn's was building muscle is a science. That makes me a scientist.

Wait, did you give fonts to people this season yet? I haven't given fonts because I just felt like I was like going back to something old. I gave them Greek gods. I gave them housewives taglines. I gave them emojis. That one was really good. And then we have something coming Housewives Taglines. I gave them emojis. That one was really good. And then we have something coming up on the reunion.

Oh, that's exciting. That's very exciting. So you guys already filmed the reunion. It's done. No, actually, I'm going down this Saturday.

Ooh. Is it going to be in, I guess you probably can't say, but is it going to be like last season's where it's just, you just did it

in the clubhouse, right? The Watch What Happens clubhouse? Yeah, actually, we're not filming in the clubhouse this year you guys are graduating yeah i know i don't know exactly where we're filming but it's not the clubhouse and i'm actually kind of nervous because it's like is rocky gonna throw something and there's no body of water for her to like jump into when that she doesn't want to talk anymore so what's she gonna do like cartwheel off the stage? I don't know. Yeah. I just hope they don't do it on a boat and then make you guys clean up after yourselves.

Great reunion. Now clean up. Let's turn this boat around, guys. I think she's going to do the entire evolution of a housewives woman through like five seasons in one reunion. She's going to show up really confident like she has it all together,

giving squinty eyes to you, but laughing really vibrantly when Andy asks her anything. And then slowly, she's not going to be able really confident like she has it all together giving squinty eyes to you but laughing really vibrantly when Andy asks her anything and then slowly she's not going to be able to control herself and then she's going to her bitch flower will bloom and she's going to go ape shit and then apologize. It'll be like an entire Housewives in one hour and I can't wait. Yeah

it'll be good. It's going to be a nice meltdown I have a feeling and I cannot wait to see Andy meet Rocky. Oh my god that's going god. That's going to be a lot of craziness right there. A lot of big eyeballs. So Bertha from Bermuda wants to know

why do you keep taking off your clothes? It seems really slutty slash tacky. I just can't wait to see her. Andy's just going to be like, so Rocky, are those boobs real? Is that mermaid tail real? Did you get anything done?

Great. Thanks for coming. Hi, Rocky. Hi, Kate. Hi, Emil. That's going to be really fun. So you're doing it in New York, right? I can't say.

Oh, it's a secret. It's a secret location. It is. We'll show up to the same lobby of the Best Western at the same time. Oh, so you know. So now you know. You weren't supposed to say anything. Okay.

So this cute kid's meeting everybody on the boat. And Kate says, it's like a dream come true. Good manager. Oh, my God. When you had the management meeting and it was nice. It was like, that's a true management meeting. That's all you need to like climax right there.

It's like a good management. It's so true. Just get in and out. Well, just anything would have been better relief from Leon. So it was really nice change of pace. That's for sure. I'm still mad about the protein shakes that he didn't get.

That still bothers me, actually. He had a meal there that whole time. The guy can't even use what's right in front of him. Alright. I just wrote, weird seeing Kate smile so much. So I love this part of it, that you guys are like Sam and Diane.

You're like the crazy version. That's literally what my mother said. That's literally what my mother said. That's exactly what my mom said. Yeah, it's because I'm old. You guys are like Lucy and Ricky. Well, so far we've compared you to Diane and to Carla. How are we going to get Christy Alley into this?

It's 2015. I think that's the one my mom said, so now we've got them all. We've got the names all here. You are a little Lilith, too, so you kind of are like all the women of Cheers mixed into one. That's the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life. It's a really very high one. Do you remember Lilith's first episode when they first brought Lilith on? She was a TV shrink, and she was fighting with Frasier on some TV show.

They were getting into this really heated argument, and they hated each other. But then they started playing footsie, and she became like this total tigress. Yes. That's kind of what this episode was this was your like the minute ben came back you were totally lilith taking off the bun and like whipping that bb newworth hair around and like taking frazier's billions like you go camilleille Lillet. Camille Lillet. Oh, gosh. You are the key to Frasier. So tell me about this stuff with Ben. Tell me about this stuff with Ben. That's so dumb.

So tell me, do you guys talk to each other a lot off the show? When is all this dating and hooking up going on, Kate? Actually, after we left the boat that we were on for season two, we stayed in contact and we're both in Lauderdale. I was in a yacht down there. He lives down there. So we just both like to have a good time

and we both kind of have a irreverent sense of humor. Yeah. So that's kind of our common denominator. And like, yeah, we hooked up, but that was more just because we like to drink and make bad decisions sometimes.

It was really nothing more than that. Yeah. Yeah, that's good chemistry there. Is it hard to date non-yotties? It is. It really is because yachting kind of changes you if you've done it for a while. It makes you not have too many expectations or too

committal to anything. Plus, it's also like you're away for a few months at a time right so that's probably puts a strain on a relationship that i imagine only another yachty would really understand yeah and also like i have a few friends that you know they understand i don't question what they do while i'm at sea they don't question what i do but if it's good enough it's always going to be there when you get back right that's That's true, too. I mean, that's what they say. But I always wonder, like, with that, because it's kind of like being an actor or something like that.

We are away for a long time. But then when you're together, it's very intense. But I find that a lot of people are in those kind of lifestyles just because they don't want the traditional lifestyle of having someone around all the time or being in that kind of relationship. And what I'm asking is, what are you running from, Kate? I ask myself that all the time. I'm running from myself. I don't know. Yeah.

Yeah, there's lots of attractive people in yachting, so there's no shortage there. But land life is good, too. I kind of miss it. I'm kind of doing both. How often are you at sea? You already asked this. I can't remember if I did, but I forgot the answer if I did. Generally, you're supposed to stay on boats for like nine months a year, but that drives you mental.

So I'd like to do freelance. So you go out for maybe a month at a time, come back, and whenever you want to make some more money, you kind of have the power to choose. Oh, nice. I like it. Yep. A month about it is enough. I would think so. So let me see.

Good management meeting, Kate Cumming. That's what I wrote. Okay, oh shit, Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah. The most boring ones. I love the music. Everybody gets their own theme music on that show. And how sweet and lovely is Noelle,

Cynthia's daughter? Oh, she's so cute. She is so cute. I mean, not to jump ahead, but when she was crying at the end, I was like, oh, she's so nice. It was precious, wasn't it? It really was cute. I think she has a very bright future as a

future housewife. She's very dramatic because Ben's the nice one, obviously. So when I saw it, I thought she was very nice too. But at that part where she was crying and she's like, but not really crying,

crying was very housewives. And she's like, let's all hug deeply. And I'm like, that little bitch just wants to hug a meal really hard. You don't need to give a whole, you don't need to give a whole speech about thanking your mom and sobbing.

Okay. Just go hug a, y'all. He's like, here's a rose to match your beauty. Yeah. I was like, did he Google that line? And also, I get really awkward around people when they're crying. It's like, do I – I don't like really hugging people. It's like, do I hug you?

Do I pat you on your back? Like, do I look away? This is weird. Yeah. Darling, we're surrounded by an ocean full of salt water. Zip it up. Why are your eyes leaking? It's weird.

I understand why she's crying. I understand why she's crying because like the normal vacations that Peter probably takes her on is, you know, probably like the claim jumper or something, you know? So this is like a big step up for her. She's like, I don't want to go back to Atlanta. This is called the Dairy Queen, okay? She's like, I don't want to go to Bar One again. What's your mom's pin number? Go on.

Go on. Yeah, she was really cute. But when it was The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I was like, oh, my God, it's Cynthia. She's going to find the most popular person and then just follow them around and be like, yeah, you go, girl. I'm surprised she just wasn't following you around like, you tell him, Kate. I actually was like amused that they were like they they took a, took a tour of steerage essentially, you know, like they were just like down there while they were like fascinated by

everything. And Claudette got down into the store. It's like, for some reason, I sort of, it reminded me of something that I would do, you know, like,

Ooh, I just want to poke around and see things. Oh yeah. We've had guests do that before. And it's kind of great because like if the charter guests come down and see how tiny your rooms are and then they might feel feel really bad for you and tip you extra. Because it's like, look how bad our life sucks. But because I keep my room a disaster, I was like, oh, God.

I've got to go throw a blanket over everything. I need an extra blanket to hide my mess. I don't even want to know what a meal's room was. That's true. Oh, my God, a meal's room. It probably looks like one of those caves where bats poop for thousands like bats poop for thousands and thousands of years and they become like big guano. They're like big stalagmites of little baby Emile hanging from the top of his bunk. Thank you.

I don't know any words. Oh, my God. Yes. It's like spelunking with Emile. Spelunking in his splooge cavern. Oh, my God. Spelunking has never been a more perfect word. I'm going to call it spelunking from now on.

Oh, God. So when they were going over who they are, and he's like, wow, this lady's a real housewives of Atlanta. She owns a husband who spends all our money. It's like, what can you possibly say? Okay, so then they come on, and Kate, you say, we're used to people needing the finest. So we're not afraid of this. If they're divas, you say, we're used to people needing the finest, so we're not afraid of this. If they're divas, so what? We're used to having divas. And I thought, oh,

girl, it's not just that this is a diva. You got to feed these heifers. They're going to eat and then they're going to put, like, you've caught big fish in the sea, but you've never seen someone in fishnet dancing around on a boat. Yeah, I have. Rocky, hello. Oh, yeah. She did pull a phaedra. I on a boat. Yeah, I have Rocky. Hello. Oh, yeah. Hello.

She did pull a Phaedra. I guess she did. Yeah, that's a classic Phaedra move. And she even added the mermaid tail. So, Fruit Loops and Omelets. What did they want? Yeah, so they were reading their demand. Their demands list. Yeah, they have a huge list of food.

Omelets with mushrooms and spinach, Froot Loops, Fritos, chips, fish. All of aisle seven at the local grocery store. Whatever's there, just bring that. Yeah. It's like she just copied her Instacart to the order sheet. Gay guys, they're magnetic.

Oh, so they were talking about Rocky. Oh, I put music stops while Amy blows up balloon. Yeah. Amy's be exciting moments of the episode. They're magnetic. You can't help but stare. Who did he say that about? The housewives. Oh, yeah. I was like, of course

he loves them. Of course the gay one's like, they're magnetic. They're amazing. Well, I mean, who knows where he's been i don't know where he's where he's been for the past two years so it's like oh my god civilization back in the water so cute i just want to hug him well not hug him and shave him yeah i want to like hug him and watch no i want to watch someone else hug him really deeply while i look on yearningly. Yeah, I think you can pay to do that. Stay at dock till the...

Oh, so they had to stay at the dock. I love when there's weather problems or something and the chef's like, bad news, guys. We're stuck here because I can't risk the wind. Really? And Claudia goes, this was the first serious Claudia moment. She goes, are you serious? It's windy.

Like, what do you want him to do? I know. She was ready to throw down. I love the yacht. By the way, I have to say, on a week-to-week basis, I love when the show gets really serious about the boat leaving dock and coming into dock. And I know it's a serious thing. But every episode episode they do act as if it's the Lusitania going down.

Like, okay, here comes the dock. Here goes the anchor. We go, oh, there's a line. Yeah, everything's fine. Yeah, it is a coast of Concordia every episode. I know. The music, the anchor is dropping. And you guys fall for it.

And even me, I'm like, those deckhands, whoa, are they going to make it? And I was there. Yeah, it's like, put those deckhands. Whoa, are they going to make it? And I was there. It's like, is Connie going to be able to observe the anchor effectively? Oh, no. Yeah, she did. It was okay. She's still watching the anchor go down. The chain is going very slowly down.

I feel like a proud father watching his daughter watch an anchor for the first time. father watching his daughter watch an anchor for the first time amy uh they asked for pina coladas which i don't know why i was surprised but that seems like a very housewives of atlanta thing to ask for like pina coladas and amy's like i will i will make those like she got so excited the thing about being a yachty is you got to know what people want before they get here. I have a blender ready and some pork rinds and some cocaine. This is going to be a good time, guys. Don't forget the umbrella. Yeah.

I love her. Okay, so Emil Sykes to get attention from the women because these women do not mind a guy overspilling a little bit. Because Emil has been getting depressed on the boat he's binging out like crazy he's getting muffin top on the boat oh my god when he eats jesus i'm it's like a vacuum how does he not incite his gag reflex like it is his full fist in his mouth i know he's like a caveman and he doesn't even chew it's like he probably poops out giant subs. Well, I like that his sexy uniform for Waiting on the Women.

His outfit. Oh, my God. His outfit was like, it was basically like Billy Ray Cyrus, 1991, tank top. It's so much. Tucked into the jeans. I was like, this is not sexy at all. Those were like mom jeans. I don't know what that was.

I know. It's like once again, a meal falling short of of the sexy potential that he has. Way short. That's what I'm saying. It's like he doesn't have parents or any friends or anybody. No one was ever there to just be like, dude, close your mouth. It's like when you find one of those little children from the wild and they're like, you know, scratching the wood floors and, you know, he's like biting the tuna can open. He's like the Nell of hotness. He like, you know, scratching the wood floors and, you know, like, biting their tuna can open. He's like the Nell of hotness.

He, like, doesn't know. He doesn't understand the language of being hot, that he has this gift. He does have this gift, but he just can't speak it or translate it. I think his hottest moment was when I dressed him up in a toga. Like, he looked kind of good. And he was all embarrassed.

And you know that you know some gays, too, Kate, because you totally tied that above the muffin top. I remember, I remember that because he was so insecure about it and you totally tied it off at the muffin top. And I was like, that was a good friend. And it was you. Cause you don't expect it.

It's, it's almost worse when you're hot, like a meal, because people expect you to have this body, like whip it. And he does have a nice body and everything he's just got the little love handles and stuff so it like automatically puts him

into that moment where you realize wow I can be sexist towards men and women because I'm like muffin top sorry buddy yes a male's muffin top the great equalizer yeah thank you you see you should write books you're very good at editing down to just like five words that's

all i needed sound bites but actually um i have seen emil since then and he's gotten much more into shape and i think he's even posted on instagram like i'm on below deck hashtag fat boy hashtag cringe so i think he is a little embarrassed and that's why it's so embarrassing saying something about it because i'm a weight like like I have issues with food and weight and shit. I never stop talking about it. So for me, it was just like happy that there's like a guy with a muffin top. But then I was like, oh my god, they're insecure too because when he got insecure, I felt so bad for him. I was like, see, even a straight hot guy can feel this sometimes.

Well, and also on boats. Like my first boat, I gained like 40 pounds because you are bored and you're stuck and there's nothing to do. And you've got a chef and you're surrounded by food, so you just eat. Oh, that sounds like a dream. Until you like take off your stretchy polyester blend uniform and go to put on your real clothes. You're like, oh, the zipper is not working. I guess I'll stay on the boat tonight. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's pretty natural. But I just feel so bad because you watch him evolve. But then he gets a reprieve from the Real Housewives of Atlanta who are like, hell yes, Muffin Top. Bring it over here. Yeah, they love that. He needed that boost. He really did.

He did, and he deserved it. And he got it, too. And that was so funny that they just treated him like a little bitch the whole time. Yeah. When they made him go shopping. They even call him his name. They're like, come here, South Africa. I know.

Like a little puppy. They're like, what do you think of this hat? He's like, oh, I think it brings out your eyes. I'm like, there you go, Emil. You found a token lion just to say that to all of them. Yeah. Yeah, maybe he learned that from the mother that he knew for one week.

That's what you say to women. You say, brings out your eyes. They look nice. Yeah. Before she left him in the middle of the knew for one week. That's what you say to women. You say, they look nice. Before she left him in the middle of the wilderness to raise himself. Or he saw one American movie in the 90s and thinks that Bruce Willis is the paradigm of gentleman behavior.

Yeah, exactly. It was Hudson Hall. Or maybe it was Pretty Woman, so he just assumes that everyone's a whore. He's like, yeah, I've been thinking about putting my fingers in your old egg oh my god who taught you to talk like other women let's go let's go close some divots if you know what i'm saying oh so gross uh so yeah so he came to serve the ladies looking all sexy um and i just thought it was so funny that they cut from that to talking about muffin tops and now every time they do shit like that, I'm going to thank you, Nadine. Nadine Rajabjabs.

That's one of those nuances, and I knew you guys would appreciate that because it was not lost on me. Yes. I was like, there are so many muffin top jokes to be had here. I just can't even handle it. Yeah. So funny.

So Ben's like, just trim them. Just trim the muffin tops, darling. He's like, just clear away. Darling, why don't you just, the muffins spill over right there. Will you just clean it up? And she's like, sure. Let me just chop the top off of all the muffins.

I still don't understand what she was doing. I still, to me, when Rocky cut off the top of those muffins, it was like, that was the sitcom moment again. That was Rocky's sitcom moment. That was like Kevin on Mr. Belvedere being like, yeah, I did it for you. It's like, that was the sitcom moment again. That was Rocky's sitcom moment. That was like Kevin on Mr. Belvedere being like, yeah, I did it for you.

It's like, oh, Kevin. And the audience laughs. Womp, womp, womp. Yeah. But Ben's handling of it was so funny. He's like, no, it's not your fault.

It's my fault for giving you the job in the first place. There's that British humor. He's really good at making it seem like he's being nice, but really he's insulting you.

Yeah, exactly. Rocky's like, well, the other chef trusted me, so I don't get it. This guy, he doesn't even trust me. I'm a chef. You serve raw chicken and then grenadine on oysters. Which, by the way, I tried in real life last week, and

I tried to like it. It is so bad. Grenadine on oysters is so bad. So that's a real thing that people are doing? No, but I just, before I like slam her for such a crazy decision, I was like, I should probably try it. Maybe it's genius. And it is, I couldn't even, it was really difficult. My stomach was upset. That is such a foul combination of ingredients.

That's like something that would be on Big Brother that you have to eat in order to like win head of household. Okay, that is not what should be served on a yacht. It's a fear factor. Definitely a fear factor. It's a big fear factor. Then we cut to Ben beating Kate in the butt with a salmon, I wrote. Oh, yeah.

A personal highlight, I'm sure. Well, you know, Ben and I, we fight and we flirt and neither situation is really serious yeah yeah the ladies want a meal serving strawberries and everyone's texting i just love them sitting around texting the whole time they're on the boat i probably be doing the same thing i'd say i'm like i don't need to get on a jet ski i have no interest in going on a jet ski um i have no interest in fishing for lobsters i would be happy happy to sit there, enjoy the sun, be on social media, and have the lobster come to me.

That's all I need. Yeah, you're in a place where you don't ever have to go outside, and no one can give you shit for it, and people are feeding you. What's not to love? So then we had a really cute Amy moment. Where am I? And Claudia I rapes him. No, that's too far down. Where are you, Amy? Oh, yeah.

Amy. The ladies want you to go down there and serve them a meal. First, they want you to stand here and just look me deep in the eyes and tell me something good about myself. And he's like, alright, I'm going to serve him. She's like, darn it! Bye, meal! He's my only friend.

Starfish. Starfish, I got a tank top for you if you want to serve me Strawberries So Noelle is sitting in the Flot tub She's sitting In the hot tub She's sitting in the thought tub Is what she's doing she's getting all

Sexy in the hot tub waiting for a meal And I love that the way that she has learned to love a man from her mother is to order him around to get things. Because that's how you do it. It's like, you're using all my money. You better at least be bringing me some fucking champagne. I mean, Noelle's got game.

She's got some serious game. She was very comfortable with that, wasn't she? Oh, yeah. Once she got on the jet ski and they're like, hold on to something. And she's like, oh, what? Just this? And she just grabs a meal. She learned from the best how to spot a loser and get him tied down. She's like, that looks like a man who

will treat me horribly and never make as much money as me. I'm going to marry him. Yeah, and then someday he'll come up with his own crappy version of coffee. So he can spend all of my money one day. Oh, man. Why do you think so many not good men get dates?

Are girls desperate? I don't know. Maybe because they want a bad boy or they – No, you know what I think it is? I think girls want to believe that they're so good they can change them. They can fix. Yeah. But can you?

I guess it does happen. I mean, every 80s sitcom or whatever, or every recent sitcom, too, a lot of them, like network sitcoms, are about the big dumb dad who will never grow up. Yeah, it's the wife with the thing of laundry being like, oh, Tim,

you'll never change. You still don't know how to do the laundry. Your father put dish soap in the laundry machine and now the whole place is stuck with bottles. He'll never learn how to clean a muffin pan. Thank God your dad goes to

work every day. Yeah, I guess that is. Okay, we're getting off subject. I'm curious about dating because this show, there's so many service people stuck alone and wondering what the hell's going on in the world that i can relate to i mean that's me in my real life so i don't know it makes me like where's my starfish you know yeah everyone just for a starfish yeah i feel like the first the first half of the episode everyone just sort of

like you know like oh okay i did my job so I guess we'll just stand around and wait for tomorrow and see what happens. It was like the big excitement was that, like, the wind went down. Let's move the yacht about 50 feet away. We're going down the block. We're going down the block. And I love, by the way, it was the whole thing was like, well, we finally got out of the dock. And the women were like, oh, yeah, we'd like to go into town. I'm like, you just got out of the dock.

You just got out. The weather was the worst of our entire season with them. And it was like the stars had aligned because they were the only guests that really did not even care to be outdoors. Yeah. Just get them nice couches. Like, we're going to go to a place with really nice couches, you guys. And they have Wi-Fi. Yeah.

I think one of our readers was amused by the fact that these women went on to a whole a big luxury yacht and they just wanted you know barbecue food which by the way i would totally have but it is kind of funny to think that you're doing this luxury experience and you just want comfort food that you could probably get you know i'm sure ben's was very good but you could probably get really good comfort food in atlanta you know yeah but you know a lot of guests they they don't always have to want caviar like yeah penny pasta is a common order or chicken quesadillas i'm how many quesadillas you guys make oh my god i mean if you did a below deck drinking game with

quesadilla you would be hammered do the producers tell the guests to order quesadillas is that like a thing do they say hey why don't you order a quesadilla right now like why is it my theory is that you've always got tortillas and cheese on the boat so they're like all right craft services have some tortillas and cheese just offer it's either that or doritos just offer a quesadilla i mean it's probably really ironic that the guests figure they're being nice and doing ordering something easy and it always sends like the chefs and the crew into like a tailspin of like a quesadilla like an alarm goes off you're there flailing at the alarm trying to set it off yeah the quesadilla alarm it went off a few times yeah like have a good old-fashioned burrata quesadilla oh my gosh does that would that

even melt i don't even know it probably would but it's not burrata is soft it's like soft well everything melts i know but there's so muchrata is soft. It's like soft mozzarella. Well, everything melts. I know, but there's so much liquid involved that I feel like that would make the quesadilla, the tortilla soggy. I don't know. It would melt, but it would also be like it's a waste of burrata.

That's just not... Then it would just taste like melted mozzarella. The burrata's special because it's in its delicate form. I'm still so mad. And then she was mixing it with feta and leftover pot roast. Yeah, that was the real star. The leftover pot roast with feta. And then she was like mixing it with feta and leftover pot roast. Yeah, that was the real star. The leftover pot roast

with feta. And burrata. I mean, this woman, I don't, I, she should almost be on next season just so we see what other culinary creations they make. No, I mean, she clearly loves to be in the spotlight, so there is a show called, like, World's Worst Cooks. I think she should go for that one.

Yeah, get some Anne Burrell teaching. Oh my god, breaking down at Ambrose would be hilarious. Cause Ambrose would not take that. No, she would not. Hey, zip it up. I don't want to hear it.

Listen, your idiocy doesn't go in cooking. Okay. Ambrose will do her like summer camp counselor, angry summer camp counselor voice. Like, okay, well,

what we're going to do now is we're going to take our, our, our pots and pans. And what are we going to do? Rocky? I guess we'll clean them. That's right. We're going to take our pots and pans and what are we going to do, Rocky? She's like, I guess we'll clean them. That's right. We're going to clean them. She'd be like, what did

you do to these muffins? Those were my little babies, my lovelies. How could you kill them? So, okay, Rocky, what we're going to do in the future now is when we see a muffin, we're not going to cut the top off, right, Rocky? Yes, Amber L. That's right. Please get Amber L. as the chef on this show.

Because Anne Burrell, I was so shocked on her show. Do you even know who she is? No, I don't. No, actually, I don't. She's one of the hosts. She's that lesbian lady with big, crazy spiky blonde hair. Yeah, she's like the lesbian Guy Fieri, basically. Or Guy Fieri.

From World's Worst Cooks, yeah. Okay. So anyway, she has this thing on the Food Network. She's a Food Network and her show is the Restaurant Chef Show and so she's really nice and everything's like, I'm putting these beans in the oven. I love you my little honeys.

And then they started showing her on these competition shows and she's like a bitch on wheels. I love it. She is. Like she came out of the closet as like a bitch. Yeah, it's great. She came out of the closet as a bitch. Yeah, it's great. She would do great on Blow Deck. Yeah, she'll do anything, that one.

Bring her on. Great, I always love a good bitch. You can get people cast on this show. You got Connie on. Now, Cole, get her on there. Get Amberelle. Amberelle, it's K-Chest in. Come on, Aya.

She'll be like, goodbye, anchor, my little lovelies. Okay, so anyway, we're talking about Amber L. I'm so, so, so sorry. I was not expecting that. So they have the below deck tour where Amy is showing everybody the storage. And she's like, oh, no matter how much money people have, they feel right at home down here because home is where the heart is. Also a basement full of sody pops.

Sody pops. Anyone want a granola bar? Oh, it's just like having kids and a husband and they're down in the basement still not paying attention to me. Come out of the pantry, kids. Kids.

There must be a back door in there. That storage. That storage looks very scary to me. I feel like I'm not claustrophobic, but I feel like I would have gotten claustrophobic if I had to crawl down into the nether regions of a yacht to get out some, you know, pasta roni. Oh, it's definitely the worst job.

Actually, they didn't show this, but when Emil was being kind of a brat to me, I'd be like, hey, Emil, can you find me the emasculator pump? And he's like, well, where is it? I was like, I think it's in the bilge. And he's like down in the bowels of the ship. He's like, Kate, where is it? I'm like, well, you know, the longer you look for the emasculator pump, the closer you get.

Just keep looking. I don't know what an emasculator pump does, but it sounds like it's exactly what I think that you would want to do to some of these guys, just emasculate them. Well, it sounds like something that, yeah, it's something I made up, but it made me laugh. Yeah. But actually, that's also something that Emil does in his top bunk every night, the emasculator pump.

Yeah, I think so. That's why he's always pumping things. Last night, they showed him pumping. He's like, all right, the gay guy's all right, I guess, but I'd still rather jerk off to a girl. Well, I guess, hey, I'd love jerk off to a girl. Well, I guess, I'd love to work. Do you want me to

lift anything, move anything? He's like, no, I got it. Just pumping. Just using the pump. I'm pumping things really hard. He's like, okay, well, if you need help pumping, just let me know. Alright, thanks, mate. Yeah, pumping hard. I just pumped six times before you got here. Six times.

Well, mescalating. And when they were flirting with Emil and all the ladies were going crazy over Emil. And they showed Dave standing right behind them. And I'm like, why is it that no matter how hot he is, the bottom never gets attention at a party? Ever. I mean, what the hell? He's just like sitting there. You've got one of the most gorgeous men on the earth standing there.

And you're flirting with Emil. Come on. Oh, my gosh gosh you guys really like him i just think dave is so young and innocent that i can't even like imagine seeing him as sexy but also yeah he's gay i mean he's very childlike in his naivety and wonder and i don't think he's like i think he's cute i think he's cute he's cute but i don't think he's anything special he's so beautiful and angelic it's not a sexy thing I just want like he's so nice he seems so genuinely nice I know that guy could be a televangelist and make a zillion dollars

because he just looks so sincere and he's gorgeous and that's very rare when someone is that beautiful because usually they're like a little ripped up from the world treating them horribly or using them for sex but he's like learned a way to make a living from that. I can't get by the facial hair. The facial hair is a real problem for me.

He must be from like Grand Rapids, Michigan because they're all like so nice. Yes, that is a nice person place. I can never marry anybody from there. And also he's so like angelic. You kind of like want to corrupt him. Yeah. Well, he is a gay porn star. That is the sexy part though because you know who is

that guy in gay porn that's like he's just the happy mailman who fell on your dick and no he's the one he's the one who ordered the pizza or he's the pizza delivery guy but he's like the kid who's like oh excuse me sir um our sink isn't working could you please fix the sink and then the plumber comes in it's like well do you have a shower i got some grease on me and he's like oh i guess it's right here i guess i could turn it on for you. That's what I think he is. The sexy part is that he's just so nice. They should just make new porn that's really not even sexual. It's just people who are

really hot being kind to each other. I think that's what Canadian porn is. You look really good today. That dress, I can tell it took a lot of thought because it matches your eyes and it really brings out your entire spirituality into the world. Thank you for that. So where are we

in the episode now? I was watching complimentary porn, but it turned off. Bye, compliments! I thought it meant it was free, but it just means they're nice. But that's kind of nice, too. I'm still getting those records from Columbia House.

I'm always getting tripped. By the way, Kate, your laughter thrills me on the inside. Because you don't really laugh. You go like this. If something will really get you laugh, you go like this. If something will really get you, you'll go like this. You know what? That's funny because I think I once tweeted, I was like, I don't LOL, I

LOI. You do it so funny, I love it. You'll be like, sigh laughs. Rocky pulls a mule over and whines okay so now crazy girl the guys that she has dumped and treated like total dog shit for no reason

well not for no reason I guess but not great reason well she's like well you know Eddie's like my best friend on the ship I mean no offense and he's like alright that is kind of actually obnoxious and it is total mind fucking I think what you were about to get to I mean, no offense. He's like, all right. I'm like, that is kind of actually obnoxious. But yeah.

And it is total mind fucking. I think what you were about to get to that he is like hot for her. She's turned down a million times and now she's going to come to him with her boy problems. I don't know. I think that's a little cruel. It is. But she's like that tree in the forest. Someone needs to like see her fall.

Yeah. Like she'll only fall if there's someone there to hear it. And in a mermaid tale. I'm falling. I'm a tree and I'm falling. I'm falling in the forest. There's no one to watch me. There's no one to open candy while I'm trying to

sing. Rocky. So Rocky in a musical in the middle of the forest on a boat. I like it. I like it. Spinoff. Yeah.

Spinoff alert. So Rocky. Now this is where I feel bad because I know that girls just get so much more emotional. And I really started feeling bad for her when Eddie just stopped talking to her. I mean, if you're crawling back to a meal, that means you're really hurt on the inside yeah well she also has no one else to crawl back to because you know it's like a really lame episode of survivor where she she's been in this weird leon alliance and now she's just stuck with emile because now no one on that on the boat likes her she picked the wrong side wrong Wrong side on that one. Just saying.

It's pretty obvious. So then she hears Eddie talking shit about her with Dave in the bedroom. And he's like, last week, dude, she took off her clothes, fucked me in a laundry room, and then took them off again and jumped into the ocean. Like, she's nuts. And that's all Rocky heard. And this was very 80s

movie, because that's all she heard. And she was very 80s movie because that's all she heard. And she ran up the stairs to, like, cry face down in her bed or whatever. Yeah, I was, like, waiting for, like, the synth, like, electric piano score to kick in to make you feel sad, you know. Oh, the Casio keyboard bossa nova. Yeah, exactly. And she, like, gets a makeover and changes her whole style just to be in with the cool kids. But then they were never saying that in the first place. And she just feels dumb in the end. then she gets with eric stoltz

that's how everything should end with eric stoltz because you know eric stoltz you come home at the end of the day and eric stoltz is like hey you know he's like one of those he's just like sitting on the couch like no matter what you say he's just all calm yeah um yeah so i felt bad because she ran away after hearing them talking about her but it really wasn't that bad because he was saying yeah she's a crazy bitch but then um dave said yeah she sounds like i'd be best friends with her yeah sounds great so she missed that and then uh eddie was like yeah she is entertaining you know well yeah she missed the good part but it's still like they were boning and now he's acting all weird to her

and then he's telling the new person that she's in that case like that is pretty hurtful even if you're a crazy bitch like Rocky that is pretty hurtful I know I just wish you heard the end where they weren't being mean you know if only poor Rocky well that's only because it was Dave and he's Canadian-ish or Michigan and he can't say anything mean ever

yeah she should have realized that she should have like waited Especially because it was Dave and he's Canadian-ish or Michigan and he can't say anything mean ever. Yeah. Yeah, she should realize that. She should have waited. She should have known it was coming because he's from happy Grand Rapids. Yeah, you could be like, yeah, we're pretty sure that she's a serial killer. I'd be like, oh, what a festive girl. I like someone with dedication, commitment. Yeah, passion.

I'm from Texas, so when people are like that, I'm defensive because I feel like they're really saying something else. Because, you know, it's like the Southern way. Like, well, you know, she just has a difficult brain. God bless her heart. When you're like, that's a crazy bitch. You know, there's nice ways. But he's not being Southern. He's being so, like, sweet.

Like, he means it. Hugs. Hugs to you, little sweet guy. Because then she's bitching to him at one point and saying, like, everyone hates me. This job's stupid. Kate's a bitch. And he's like, well, Kate's a tough nut to crack. Wait, was it Kate he was talking about? He's like, Kate's a tough nut to crack, but she'll come around.

Don't worry, kid. And I was like, aw. A gay guy who's resisting the urge to, like, talk shit in the laundry room? I know. I don't get that. That's a Bravo first. Very strange. He's definitely the nicest gay man on the planet.

Yeah, for sure. He needs to be with someone poisonous like me because you always want to bring Superman down. You know? Like, you can't shoot him, and you can't beat him up, but maybe you can make him feel so bad that he just will never fly again. Let's try it out, Dave.

I'll leave my number in the show notes. So, was this so I feel like coming up next was this when there was charcuterie gate when Kate you created the world's largest charcuterie plate and filled everyone up before sushi time

oh please he's such a diva he just wanted a reason to like get mad because first of all it wasn't that much cheese second of all there was another appetizer he made up there and third of all if they don't want to eat i wasn't forcing them to eat it yeah what did you guys do you guys eat the sushi that he made okay i do admit this though i was like oh too bad the guests aren't gonna eat it i guess we have to have sushi because quite frankly i had not had a good meal on that boat the entire time because of leon

what would he cook for cook for a crew meal? He would have frozen salmon, and he made so many salmon meals that one day, Connie took all the leftover salmon out of the crew fridge because people got tired of eating it and made a salmon castle on the crew mess table. I'm surprised you guys didn't get mercury poisoning. Yeah, me too. He was slowly trying to kill us. That's what was happening.

Yeah, I was going to say that might take some time to even know. He might have done that and you wouldn't even know for a couple of years. We are like law and order. We just cracked that case. Yeah, we're figuring out so much this podcast. I know. We're getting right to the bottom of it. We're getting below deck.

I don't know what this means, but I wrote, Alex P. Keaton, where's the last wet pillow? I don't know what this means but I wrote Alex P Keaton where's the last wet pillow I don't know why I wrote that oh because there was a pillow what was going on I think that was one of the awkward interactions with Rocky where he was like looking for

I think he walked in and he was like there's a wet pillow case that needs to be changed or something like that he didn't say hi to Rocky I don't know I could be wrong yeah there was a super awkward moment that needs to be changed or something like that. And Rocky, he didn't say hi to Rocky. I don't know. I could be wrong. Yeah, there was a super awkward moment because Rocky was talking to Emil

and Eddie caught him. I think it was more Eddie's guilty conscience. Like, oh God, what are they talking about? Yeah. So he was like... Which he's totally right to. Of course, I mean, they did it on TV. This is obviously the most dramatic episode of the season.

Wet pillows, charcuterie plates overflowing with meats filling people up. Hurt feelings and wet pillows. Episode 11. Normally that would have been a very dramatic episode, but after fire and the jumping off the boat, there's really not a lot more we could do other than sink the boat to top that.

I don't think you can top it. My favorite part is slowly watching people fall apart. That's my favorite part of any show. And this one, we've got Emile totally falling apart and Rocky, the worst, obviously. Obvi. I mean, she came on, finally. She came on apart. She's kind of like a piece of Ikea furniture that you just never figured out.

And it's just sitting in a heap making you crazy in the corner. Oh, my gosh. That's like where the saying a few screws loose came from, I think. Like I hear furniture that came missing screws. It like didn't have the little wrench. It's proprietary. Yeah, proprietary screws that you need. One of those little L-wrenches. And like the instructions

were in a different language that nobody could speak. Everyone's like, what is this arrow pointing to? Where does this thing fit into this? Wow, this furniture is so dramatic and so cheap. Let's get it. never put it together and use it for nothing yeah exactly and as we say this i'm looking at my ikea like media stand with a door that's on crooked and i look to my right and i see my ikea filing cabinet where the handles are

don't even align and i drive me nuts rocky is the dresser that doesn't even open but it's like you need a dresser in your room where you know what she. You know what she is? She's like the demo TV in Ikea when you look at the living room and there's like a TV with like a picture that's like taped onto it. That's what she is. She's like the dresser

that the drawers don't open so you just like lay the coats and clothes on top of it. So it is kind of functioning but not the way it's supposed to. She's like the crappy Ikea silverware where it's like, what person could ever stab or scoop something up the i crappy ikea silverware where it's like what person could

ever stab or scoop something up with this piece of shit silverware this crappy ikea silverware oh my god um she's i think probably she's uh i don't i don't i can't go into any more ikea furniture i'm like i can go i can go literally looking around. I'm looking around my house and I'm like, oh my God, none of this does work. I'm living inside of a Rocky. Like this entire, poorly put together, an earthquake,

I'm going to die any moment. That's why she's terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like all those Ikea chairs, even if you do get them together, it only takes a week before they're wobbling.

You know, they start going left and right. They're already pre-earthquaking for you. But you already spent so much time trying to put it together that you're just like whatever yeah yeah you're invested you taught that thing how to iron a fucking fitted sheet okay you're invested if you have to lay your clothes on top of it then so be it yeah exactly um so i've never done anything to him yeah and you know what rocky i felt bad for her because not only did she not do anything to him she really didn't but she could have because rocky is that crazy girl that

you sleep with and then pretend she's crazy like she's pregnant with like a tiny little manager you know like you can't break up with me i've got you know your assistant manager in my stomach you know she could have gone really crazy but yeah i've've been like, I can't work, I've got morning sickness. Yeah. Exactly. I can't work because I've already jumped off the boat. I'm on a different boat right now. There's a fetus in my tummy. He's already telling me what

to do. I am emasculator pump him. Emasculator pump. I love that that's a real thing, by the way. I'm so getting that for Father's Day. So then next what happened was... Kate. Oh, Amy's like, well, Kate.

Kate, there's something different about you. You're glowing. Is that love? Be careful. Other things that make you glow. Nuclear waste. Sometimes in the end when you're glowing, that's when you're about to be hurt the most. Watch out, Kate.

Kate, did one of the glow sticks from our white party a few weeks ago break on your face? Because you're glowing. I want to make sure we wipe that off. Kate, you know Ben knows how to use the Wave Runner, right? He could get out of here anytime he wants be careful i was just so like okay amy i see you want to have this conversation but i mean i'm just glowing because i'm glad i'm not around leon like i would be glowing if they had brought um a monkey into a place i'd be like oh this life is good yeah thank god

thank god no also amy just amy has the need for girl talk you know she's a girl's girl I'd be like, oh, this life is good. Yeah, thank God. Thank God. Also, Amy has the need for girl talk. You know, she's a girl's girl. She wants to be like, Kate, what are you feeling? You have little feelings on the inside right now. What are they saying? What's your inner Kate saying? Let's talk about it.

Do you want to bring my inner Amy? Do you want to bring my inner hair? It's like a slumber party. Just like my slumber parties. Hey, Mr. Barnacle, you

look like you're real happy today. Did you find a good thing to latch on to? Yeah, I feel the tension between you and

that ship. We can comb each other's hair and you can talk about Ben and I can talk about the balloon that

is not paying attention to me. She's so cute. And your version of a girl talk is like, he's a hot asshole. Like, what else? Like, what else do you want to know? She's like, that was so fun, Kate. Let's do this again.

So they're the first date. Kate and Amy. And then that's intercut with Ben and Rocky talking about them. Okay, I wrote Kate and Amy talking Ben and Rocky talking Ben and Kate. So there you go. It's a very complex scene. So then the women, they get full. They go to sleep.

And then day two, they're out in the ocean. And it's still like nothing has really happened. I think that's when Noelle goes jet skiing, right? She goes jet skiing. She gets a cop a feel on a meal. The women go into town. They go shopping. They boss a meal around like South Africa.

Yeah, all this stuff was boring. It was all just like pleasant, fine, nice stuff. It was like a typical Cynthia Bailey scene. They're like, look, people are shopping. And then they're like, look, earrings. Wow. Whoa, look, a necklace. Whoa.

And then Cynthia's like, I'm going to try this on. The music's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. She's trying it on. Who cares? Fast forward. Let's get to the rocking part, comparing wieners to comparing muffin tops. When she was describing her cutting the muffins and getting in trouble, and she's describing it to Dave.

Hilarious. Let's just point out. Okay. So clearly I see some like bottled man rage when she's describing it like a penis. And then I just cut it off right there. And then also when she was like buttering that guest banana, she was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to butter your banana. And then she like chopped it. Like I could see why Eddie was scared.

Because every time she's like making phallic references, then she has to cut something. That's true. And by the way, that's- Everything I kill, everything I love, I kill. Leona Bobbitt there. That's a total lifetime movie. Listen, anyone with that laugh,

you got to know anyone with that laugh is going to chop off a penis, okay? She's like a little troll under the bridge or like a character from labyrinth i mean don't trust that lady with your penis she really is a lifetime movie like you could just see it happening she wouldn't run you know how like the first three quarters of a lifetime movie is always the woman being terrified and running and then she gets strong and like finds a way to kill the guy without going to prison. She's like that, but she's just never afraid.

Oh, I bet she would be like the villain. Oh, yeah. Maybe she would be the one like trying to kill the wife so that she could get the husband. Exactly. Yeah. She would be one or the other. Tracy Gold. And then she's going after Cameron Matheson.

And she's laughing and trying to cut off penises along the way and then someone like i don't know linda hunt not linda hunt i met linda linda what's her face i forget her name anyway um i think it's meredith baxter bernie and then she finds out that she the baby that she put up for adoption decades ago is now alive and working on a boat. And so they find each other, but then it turns out to be Rocky, and then Rocky starts trying to take over Meredith Baxter Burney's life. Yeah. That's exactly it.

That is totally it. And it would have a musical. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And the whole time she would just be like, is she crazy or just funny? She's just funny. And then it turns in Act 3,

and you realize that rocky's trying to kill everybody i'm gonna kill you your big climactic scene will clearly be that she ties someone up to a chair and then she has a knife and then she starts singing a song you know it'll actually be very much like sideshow bob with bart simpson tied up and he does like his whole performance on the boat that one episode she'll just be singing an entire song and then that's when cameron matheson comes in and, or the, or the lady, I don't know.

I don't know which one she ties up, but the other one comes in and knocks Rocky down. And well, she gets sent off person, but she gets so distracted because she's got such high, like ADD levels that she's like, she gets the knife to the throat. And then like,

it's like, Oh my God, I'm going to go sing in that corner by myself. Yeah. And then, and then you come in and you're like, Rocky just finished the job. And she's like,

I can't believe Kate's always making me do this. I don't want to, I don't want to kill her anymore. God, that then you come and you're like, Rocky, just finish the job. And she's like, I can't believe Kate's always making me do this. I don't want to kill her anymore. God, that was the laziest Lifetime movie killer I've ever seen in my life. I've never seen a Lifetime movie where they didn't actually get killed at the end because I got too lazy. And then Kate, you just come in and you just finish the job. You're like, I'm always doing Rocky's

work. Yeah, I always have to do everything around here. And Rocky jumps in the water. I just need to be in the water. And then Amy comes up to the decapitated head. Hey, head. Oh, not that talkative today, are you? Alright, I'm going to take you out to the water. I'm going to just drop you in the ocean.

I want to talk about our relationship, head. What's in the box? Hey, it's Gwyneth's head. Hey, head. I've always wanted to meet you. I know how you feel, Gwyneth.

This is like being on Christmas morning because you're in a box and I opened you up. It's a gift. It's Gwyneth's head. Poor Brad finally found love in the mail and it was dead. Have you ever seen that movie, Kate, The Head in the Box? What's it called?

Seven. Seven. Oh no, I've heard of it though. Seven Deadly Sins and Gwyneth and Brad are married and it ends with him getting her head in a box. I don't know how we ended that. We missed an idea on Lifetime and a head in a box. I don't know how we ended that. We missed an idea on Lifetime and a head in a box.

I'm pretty sure that Leon was all of the seven sins combined into one person. Like gluttony, lazy, whatever. He was definitely the guy. Let's go through them. I know that one. Leon was definitely the guy in the beginning of the movie who was fed spaghetti

until he exploded. He was fed frozen until he exploded. He was fed frozen conks and Cheetos until he just choked to death. And he was saying how disgusting it was, but finished the entire thing and licked the bowl. That's how we do, Kate. Yeah. I thought it was really funny that I've just assumed this whole time he was divorced. And then someone was like, no, I think he did.

He's like, I've got a family. he's he is not he's single oh he is i think he's a daughter though yeah he's got daughters but oh okay no i do not think he's in a loving and caring relationship now oh yeah yeah i figured i was like no that's that's definitely divorced man anger because he's got so much displaced anger displaced anger pardon me anyway well good you see I called that after all. I like being right about things that don't really matter. That's like my favorite hobby. As long as you're right.

That stuff is like clown music like below decks like clown coconut music and I wrote down clown music playing that must mean Connie's near the edge of a deck. Sure enough. It's like she's like

fishing guys fishing. It's like, yeah, wacky. They're always like wacky Connie. And then it comes to Connie and she's like, hey guys, I love fishing. It's funny and you're really good at the music but that is part of Connie's humor.

She's so dry and deadpan, but it doesn't always translate. She's one of the funniest people, but it just seems really monotone. It translates to me. Her first line of the year, or one of her first lines was if you want to get with Connie, you pull up

in a truck and say, hey, need a beer? What was it? What was her thing? Whatever. She said that. Love her. Yeah, was it truck, beer, Connie's clothes come off.

There's a third thing. Want to kill a gator? Yeah. Yeah, something like that. I like it. It's actually, it made me uncomfortable when she was being a bitch at the table when stupid Rocky left and well she wasn't being a bitch but like you know talking shit when someone else left the table and she's

like I cannot stand that girl she never does her work and she's a Looney Tunes bitch or whatever just hearing that come out of her mouth I was like oh my god you're so calm you know I'm sorry yeah Connie went in I was like whoa I didn't realize that she hated her so much.

Out of left field, she just exploded. She's been holding it in. Yeah, because at that point, Rocky was up at the bar. She had this deliciously guilty, childlike look on her face that she was talking shit to. She's like, that's right, I'm saying it. That girl is crazy. And then she would smile and look around. It was really funny.

But she was talking to the new guy who's the nicest person ever. You've got to know know if you're going to be talking shit after someone leaves the dinner table, you have to sit next to somebody like me. You can't just be sitting across from a nice person and telling them because they have no interest. I'm trying to remember what Eddie said that made Rocky get up

from the table and go to the bar. And this was pretty brutal. He said, oh, they were saying what family members we'd all be. Oh, yeah. And Eddie just interjects like, no problem. You'd be Emile's crazy girlfriend. Yeah. Again, like I really – you know, Rocky seems totally irresponsible and annoying and a pain in the ass.

But I did feel bad for her because, you know, on her end, she's like, oh, I thought we had something. And then all of a sudden, he's just becoming a dick. And now he's actually, you know, calling it out. Not calling it out, but like, you know, he's venting a dick and now he's actually calling it out. Not calling it out but he's venting whatever it is that he's going through in front of people and making her feel like shit. I felt bad for her. I support that blowjob you go out that she wanted to order from the bar. I do too. And if you can make me feel bad for

Rocky, I mean, you really must have done something bad. Didn't Leon tweet out Rocky's phone number? Yeah, apparently I did catch wind phone number? Yeah, apparently. I did catch wind of that. Yeah, because he was what was he doing? Just posting an email that she had sent him or something? He was trying to submit something to BeefCheeks.com

and accidentally tweeted out her number. Oops, it's supposed to be an invitation. Rosenkonk.com. He's got Rosenkonk.com and Rocky right next to each other in the phone book. So what am i writing here oh yeah when she was at the bar we want some blowjob shots blowjob blowjobs you want some blowjobs and amy's like just stop it just stop your blowjob breakdown is embarrassing just stop

it honey well it really was it's like that desperate girl that's just going for the sexual humor and making everybody else really uncomfortable like I'm all for a phallic joke now and then, but at least be clever about it, not so desperate. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, she's trying to be as nasty as the guy who was mean to her. Look like I'd be a nasty guy too, guys. And she's like, no, Amy, it's literally a shot, like a buttery nipple or a splooge on the face.

You know how it is. Like a dirty Sanchez, you know, like a pearl necklace. You know, one of those. Yeah, you know, just all over. Amy's like, really? And I thought fireball was dirty. She's like, you could order those? You could just order a blowjob.

What? How can I put myself into a bottle? So family dinner, buttery nipple, Eddie being mean to Rocky. Last shot of Rocky diving in. So this was the end of the episode. And then they show next week on Below Deck. She's losing it.

She's losing it. And then there she goes. And she's diving into the water in her mermaid. And then Ursula spits her back up. Yeah. She's like, listen, I've still got enough of Ariel in the box. I don't need an annoying skinny young twats down here. Bye, bitch.

Thrown out of the ocean. Be a part of that world, not mine. But even like that scene is a little bit sad for Rocky. Because it's like she has just crashed so far that now she's like going for her last trick in the bag. Like she is just trying for something. And that trick didn't even work last time. Like it's not even – it's not working anymore. She's just – you know.

Well, it's like hot people. You got to keep mixing it up. You can't just have a mermaid tail facial hair all the time. Yeah. Yeah, that can't be – if you're going to be crazy, you have to be crazy. You can't just have like one prop. You know, like even Carrot Top goes to the. I was going to say Carrot Top.

He's actually from my same hometown. Girl, you better find you a. New hometown. Spencer Gifts. No, no. Her to come up with new stuff. You better get you over to Spencer's. You know what she needs to do?

She needs to go find a job as a lifeguard. That way she can jump in the water every single day and she can shut up about. I only feel free when I'm in the water. Like, just shut up. Either do that, be a dolphin trainer, but don't get on a yacht. You're not supposed to be in the water. You're supposed to be, like, you know. No way. Because the first time someone tells her not to run at the pool, she'll start

like, sobbing and like, calling her mom and stuff. And let's also keep in mind, like, lifeguards have to save lives. That's kind of like, ugh. She should be like an aquatic performer, like, at a place that you go to in, like, lifeguards have to save lives, so it's kind of like, ugh. She should be, like, an aquatic performer, like, at a place that you go to in, like, central Florida. Yeah, where you get the mermaids, right?

Yeah, there is a mermaid show. That's what she should do. Yeah, she should do a mermaid show where you don't have to have, like, proper form. You know, like, dance form. Because you know that her wrists are always, like, slightly bent wrong so that she can stand out from the ensemble. That's why they've kicked her out of Fiddler on the Roof

30 times across America, in my mind. She's like, can I wear my mermaid tail during tradition? Anyone? Rocky, this is Katz. But why are there dogs? I'm sorry if I just want something to be new and fresh And I just don't want the same old same old Andrew Lloyd Webber How about instead of the chandelier coming down

How about if I just jump into a pool of water In the middle of the musical How about that It's gonna be great I'm gonna do it Well my last note is be sure to tell Kate that you really appreciate her lack of food knowledge. Okay, so I've said this on the show before,

but it's not your lack of food knowledge. I'm not being a dick. But I'm saying you have really earned your thinness, and I really appreciate it on the show when they're like, let's get this kind of food. And you're like, what's that? And I love it. And last night it was, you said, what's the difference between jams, jellies, and preserves?

And I was like, I love you for not knowing that and asking out of sheer curiosity in case someone else needed to know in the future. Because you know what the difference is? I mean, I don't know the difference between preserves and jam. Yeah. Well, because you're not, like, food. See, I'm a food addict. So when I see someone yeah yeah when i see someone legit thin who's like really just not obsessing over food all day that's my hero like you're my goal you're my goal in my mind you're my oh thanks yeah i mean i don't have a lot of time to eat on boats and i like to be skinny and i appreciate you earning it you know

at this point like we're all learning that it actually takes work because so much of my growing up was these like, well, I'm still now like diet this diet that, and we've learned all these new ways to eat naughty. And the truth is like, if you really want to do it, it's hard work. And so when I see people who are really working hard and doing it, I'm like, you go for it. Thank you. Thank you for being a gorgeous one. But here's a little secret. Once you stop eating a lot for a while your stomach kind of shrinks yeah and then you forget what food tastes like i want to get to the point where you forget what food tastes like because i remember way too well and that's why i'm always going down to the vending machine to get kit kats well and also the problem with that is your stomach shrinks right and you feel like

you're a different person and you're never going to go back there. And then you eat a piece of pizza one night just to be like ironic. Like, remember this? I used to obsess over this and now it's nothing. Chicken quesadilla. You have that one fucking piece of pizza and then you're at like the $5 hot and ready line at Little Caesars every day for a month. Oh, I do. I do love a good chalupa every now and then from Taco Bell. I admit it.

But I was like walking through New York once and my friend was like, gosh, I'm just so hungry. My stomach has that weird empty feeling. And I didn't mean this as a joke. I was like, yeah, that's what skinny feels like. It's true. When you ask people like how do you do it because I do. Like I'll walk up to a hot person and just be like, so you're hot. How do you do it?

And they're like, well i i don't eat very much and then i exercise every day and i'm i keep asking because i'm looking for a better answer but there isn't one unfortunately yeah i'll send you a private message oh i love it but and also yeah people are like um so i bet you can eat whatever you want come on you're so thin just eat it i'm like you think this is a coincidence? Yeah, exactly. They asked Kathy Griffin that one time because, you know, she's always obsessing over that stuff. And they said, hey, how do you keep this rocking body all day? And she's like, oh, it's easy.

You just get used to living with hunger because you're hungry all day and it never goes away. And it's terrible. And I was like, oh, my God, I respect you so much. Yeah. It's funny because it's true. The problem for me is that in my advanced age i've started to become more and more of a hangry person so if i don't eat i'm realizing i really become a real asshole and so it's constantly straddling that line of i want to uh lose weight and yet i also want to

keep friends and i don't know what to do. I'll probably just lose friends. Obviously, you just keep skinny friends. But actually, now that you say that, I should use that to my defense when people are like, oh, you're such a bitch. Because I'm skinny, I had to choose one. Yeah, exactly.

I'm hungry. Yeah, I'm hungry. That's why models are bitchy. They're fucking hungry. That's why so many ex-models, whenever they show an ex model on you know whatever like project runway when they're coming back to judge or something and they look so glowing and happy is because they're eating they have to retire when they're 30 or whatever so most of

them retire and start like a nail polish business or whatever and eat they find a husband and they eat yeah exactly so true that's the happy ending for a model and isn't it lovely Kate you're amazing if you come to LA you have to look us up so we can all go out and get a drink and not eat and we'll bring Nadine oh my god I love her

she lives too far from me and Kate you talked to us for over two hours. I know. This is crazy. I hope you got some usable stuff. Yeah, it's all going up. We go back and edit. We were like, oh my god, it's been two hours.

We just throw it up there. Just make me seem really funny and smart. You are. Thanks, guys. I was fishing. You're regular Connie. You've been awesome. Thank. Oh, thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. I was fishing. Yeah. All right. Your regular Connie. You've been awesome. Thank you so, so much.

If a lot of shit goes down at the reunion, feel free to come back and tell us about it. Yeah. You know it will. Yeah. And also, watch some Housewives in your off time because we're always looking for someone to talk to. Yeah. I'm going to do that. I have a homework assignment, and I'm excited. You're the best. someone to talk to. I, I'm going to do that. I have a homework assignment and I'm excited.

You're the best. All right. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you so much. All right. Talk soon. Bye. Bye.

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