Watch What Crappens - #2356 PumpRules, Part 2: Rat Pack

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

*This is part 2 of a two-part recap* Vanderpump Rules S11E07 is still on its Sandoval redemption journey, and this time he is armed with pink ice cream on Barbie week to prove how into feminism he is. Also, we get some Jo in our lives. Buckle up. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi everyone, welcome back! This is part 2 of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, we'll go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode. Okay, so Delores Catania. Am I still Chris, Chris Catans or Delores Catanyans? Okay, so... Or Megan Catan, Catan, Catan, Catan, what's Megan's last name? Catania. Back in Catania. Okay, so... Or Megan Katan... What's Megan's last name? Katanya. Megan Katanya.

So, I like her. She's kind of badass, Megan Katanya. She's fun to have with Martini. Megan Katanya. Huh? Katanya with Katanya. I don't know why she hasn't started that podcast yet. That whole Jeff Lewis crew, one thing I'll say about all of that crew, they can drink

a goddamn Martini. Like there's nothing better than a Megan Katanya just ready to talk shit while she's swirling the martini the size of her head Could you imagine playing katana? Jeff he'd be like give me your give me your brick Well, I have to use my brick. Well, give it to me. I have to use it. Well, what do you have to use it for? Well, I need to build a road. You have to build a road. I have to build a road Give me your brick. Who's gonna fucking win here. You think you're gonna build your road before I built your road? I've done so many nice things for you. You only have a road.

You only have a road because of me. I paved a fucking road for you to get here. I gave you my sheep. I gave you so many beautiful sheep. Shane's like, give them the brick. And all I wanted was a brick. Was it so wrong that I asked for a brick? I don't know.

I'm gonna send a carnation tomorrow. I'm gonna send an orchid. Wow, how did we get on that? I don't know. But I would love to play Katalina Jeff Can I just say I don't want to play anything with whoever wrote this song? Unbelievable they believe in is it conceivable you can see it unforgettable. You know that I mean it unbelievable Baby, but I love that. I love that. That's amazing. I'm gonna take as many five syllable words This song was written by walla shaw

Can we go back to the dead Irish Hucker music, please? It's unbelievable Remember that song. No, but you remember from real house, Pleasant Orange County, Elizabeth, the Cabaret Star. Unbelievable! Unbelievable! Unbelievable! Unbelievable! It's like this. Unbelievable!

Unbelievable! Unbelievable! Oh, bless her heart. Okay, so Vanderpump comes over to Tom Tom, and they've moved the big, gigantic, Nick and Lane iron gates from pump to Tom Tom. Yes. Oh, the new doors still has the pump sign on.

I see, hello, doors, Nick and Lane. Nick and Lane just swings by on a giant pendulum. Yeah, the specter of pump continues to live on. It's like a pop-up experience. It's like pump X Tom Tom. So it's a collab. So she comes in and then Charlie, the former pump server is there and she's like,

oh Charlie, how do you like it there here? Do you enjoy that you can wear one less button on your shirt? I don't want to lose you. It was hard enough losing a pump. I can't bear to lose a blonde twink from my establishments. Where else am I going? Where am I gonna find a 45 year old bleach blonde hairless otter?

Oh darling. Oh look, just as you said that in comes Bueller. Bueller said, did somebody call for a 45 year old bleach blonde otter? Are you seeing Bueller's hat? incomes Bueller, because they did somebody call for a 45 year old bleach blonde daughter. Are you seeing Bueller's hat have Bueller works now? So that's what I'm always talking about. You can't hear it. I guess when we're recording, but Bueller, if he's not going to get tension,

he walks to the other room, stays there for two minutes, and then comes slowly walking back down the hall. So you can be like, Oh, Bueller has like very Bueller has very long fingers. Very, very long fingers. So of course they make all that noise. Isn't this nice? Because now you can love on Bueller and the pod. I can man the ship while you do it in the background. Anyway, so this beautiful music happens.

Oh yeah, so Lisa is saying hi to the waiter. And Sandoval walks in and he sees the pump gates. He's like, huh, interesting. And Man of Pump's like, oh, it was so hard losing pump. We loved our staff, including our chef. So we moved them all over to Tom Tom. And I was like, no, the food was good at Tom Tom. I know, why do you have to destroy the food at Tom Tom?

No, don't do that. I liked that Tom Tom was just like, here do you have to destroy the food at Tom Tom? No, don't do that. I liked that Tom Tom was just like, here's a cherry tomato and some vinegar. Enjoy bro. Listen, Tom Tom's like buffalo cauliflower is like legitimately delicious. Well, oh by the way, someone emailed us some very important info that Chef Penny

actually was the chef to cuisine for Tom Tom as well. Really? Yeah. Well good for you Penny. Didn't that thing also say she was like, worked with Cisco foods, right? I don't know. I don't think I got to that part.

I just read that you're wrong. And I was like, how dare you? And I wrote back, fuck you and your entire family. They were like, no, just about Chef Penny, not about your views on things. Like, oh, okay, sorry. Yeah. Okay, so poor Charlie.

I feel for Charlie, didn't you? He was like, poor Charlie, he didn't expect this. He was like, I was a pump man through and through. Tom Tom's always been beneath me. I was a solid pump man and now here I am at Tom Tom, the most hated place on the whole strip. And now I thought Lisa was going to be like, oh, little blonde hairless twink.

I have something for you. A job on television, please Tom. Nope, just a job at Tom Tom. Well Logan still works at Tom Tom, which was funny because he was the one who broke the penis flute. So I mean that's technically his boss. I'm surprised that like Tom didn't fire him. His boss, I'm sure.

As Lisa says, oh, like a letter two and a half percenter, say anything. Okay, so, Santa Claus comes in his sleeveless sweater. I cannot. And, showing off the guns. Turns out breaking news,

horrible people can work out as well. They usually do. So he comes and he's like, wow, what are these, pump gates? I don't love the fact that neither Tom or I were consulted on these gates. I'm sure Oriana also didn't love the fact that she wasn't consulted on your affair.

Let that hang there for a second. Still giving my Tom like. It's still giving my. Good night everyone. My Tom's smile. Sorry. I was caught up in my moment. So she's like, we're darling, I wanted to ease myself gently into being rid of

pomp and I just have to have these gates to walk through. Let's go to the garden, which I've changed into a European planter paradise. Nothing but planters. She's wearing a pearl necklace that looks like shrunken heads. The pearls are this big, they're so big

that the little ropes keeping them on are like little necks. They're just like little rich shrunken heads. They are the shrunken heads of former cast members. If you look closely, you can see Vale. You can see Faith. You can see... In a different light, they're just old Kim Richards. I think there's Charlie in there.

It's just Kim Richards. Kim Richards in a top pony. One of the people. Carlton gave me this. One of the Bravo artists. You know, there's so many good Bravo artists who make like cartoons. Like who can sketch?

You know, there's so many of them. But one of them made Kim Richards as a shrunken head when she wears that top pony. It's burned into my brain forever. Okay, guys, I have really dry lips. Ben, take over. Oh, have you been crying? I was crying so hard. My lips turned into rakes. So, so like I literally need a Reiki healer.

Jack's like fucked her. I did her. Yeah. So, uh, Santa balls like, oh man. Hey, uh, what's going on? Like, uh, he orders like a Diet Coke. He's like, can I get a Diet what's going on? Like, he orders like a Diet Coke. He's like, can I get a Diet Coke with some spoons? Hey, Lisa, I got us ice cream. I got lavender and like cookie dough. Yeah. And she's like, ew.

Like ice cream, disgusting. I would think ice cream, do it to me. No. He's like, you want some ice cream? She's like, no, disgusting. So he's like, so Tom was great. They were like really kind to me. Oh good You know the first time I saw you at will opening soon at her eyes You know, I know no one can understand that that we're opening soon because the complete shit show

But guess what it is opening soon at her eyes So I will have ice cream pink ice cream the week that slut is trying to steal my color. I'll have you. I'll have your heart, Barbie Dickens. So you look happier than last time I saw you. Cause you got this on sale from the Victoria's Secret Men's Department. You know Lisa is just like driving past the arc light.

Was it open then? I guess it was already closed. No, it was closed, it's been closed. So you know she like driving past the arc light. Was it open then? I guess it was already closed. No, it's closed. It's been closed. So you know she's driving past some movie theater when Barbie weekend is happening going, I did it first, you bitch. Speeding off. So, um, Santa Claus like, yeah, like, um, yeah, like I appreciate.

I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm not like as depressed, like I'm just more like a little bit more buff, you know, but I'm like really worried about Rachel like I appreciate I appreciate yeah, I'm not like as depressed like I'm just more like a little bit more buff You know, but I'm like really worried about Rachel like I miss on dude God so Charlie. Oh, no, so she's like Darling he goes so what what's with these pump gates? Well, what are those doing here? And she's like, oh, I just wanted to ease myself gently. I'm sorry, we did this part. Like 10 minutes ago. Oh, but did we say it?

I guess we did do that part where she said, he's like, I didn't like not being consulted. And she's like, we don't consult it to an episode partner if we did that. I'm so sorry. I had to put lip gloss on. You had to, it messed everything up. Honestly, it enhanced it.

So listen, I may be dumber, but I'm hotter now. So, Santa Paul's talking about how he just wants to, like, a friendship with, like, Rachel and, like, I don't know, and Ben and Pupp's like, okay, well, I wasn't going to tell you, but then I thought this would be hilarious to see your face. So, guess what? I don't talk about that.

You're wearing a sleeveless sweater, so it makes me feel bad for you. Yeah. By the way, you look cold, so I'm gonna tell you this, my little sleeveless, one of your veins is popping out, you poor thing. I've spoken with Raquel, she's not very happy with you. And we got a tss.

And Rachel did a podcast, she does every week, she has her own podcast now, and she was talking about this on it. And just the revelations that Rachel comes out with. She's like, I think that the reason she called me was because like, she's on a TV show. And like anything I said, she was gonna use on the TV. Yeah, yeah. Why do you think she's fucking calling you? Are you there?

Sorry to respond with this, but doi. Doi. Doi. Rachel goes rogue and also doi. So, but also just to be fair, she does have a point with Vanderpump only supporting the men. It's like, but darling, don't you want to come back But also, just to be fair, she does have a point with Vanderpump only supporting the men. It's like, but darling, don't you want to come back and do this on camera?

Yeah. I mean, it's just like, I would never have dared. She's not supporting me, but she didn't come back because it wasn't enough money. No, no, she doesn't want to go back into reality TV where she could be exploited. Okay. All you're going to do is exploit her. Okay, Rachel, come on. Record this show.

Record this show. Okay, Here's a show talk about it Talk about it. Okay. It's a talk about it. Okay. You want to do someone you want to someone? Here's my lawyer We'll get them by the way people are always asking me How come you're so thin Cuz I eat whatever I want But just about I hate being folk. I hate being folk look me right now. I'm eating the chocolate I went to Italy and here are all. I hate it. I hate being folk. Look at me right now. I'm eating the chocolate. I went to Italy and hear all the things I hated.

Oh my God. Did I was the West? Was I telling you about this? I was telling somebody about that last. Oh my God. The fucking Bethany Instagrams. I can't like trying to prove how much she eats with that one little piece of chocolate.

Look at me eating. I can do whatever I want. You don't need a separate compete like me. I looked at her Instagram two nights ago and she She's like look at this like I got a boss That was like it She's got a boss. She's got a boss. You know how I say something I eat fastest. It's a boss Little mustard is five zero calories So Santa Claus like the last time I spoke with Rachel is like it's like that like when people finish like programs

Like sometimes they just like stay and I got told her well This is like something you're gonna have to like face eventually and like the longer you stay the harder It's gonna be doomed and like she got mad at me because like of course like it's like cuz like it became like a thing Where like if I didn't like 100% with anything that she said that we were gonna say to her like, oh, like I was banned to her or something like that. Like of course they would turn me into a bad guy. Yeah, like you tell her to go against medical advice when she's having an emotional breakdown and then they call you like a bad person.

I'm here. Oh, yes, she did say to me that that she was really honestly such a piece of shit Everything that comes out of his mouth She's in fucking treatment for shit that happened with you and he's like get over it You got to get over it. So get just hiding a fucking hospital me me who cares so much about mental health Yeah, I'm threatening suicide every week. She better bumps like well She said that she wasn't that comfortable lying to everybody and that you said life is lying It's like I didn't know I never I did not know please enjoy your popcorn that I got you

This is ice cream not popcorn. It's popcorn Life isn't about lying, but everything's and the boss is gas-firing You got a popcorn kernel in your teeth. I'm not falling for it, Scanderball! You're a log-trick me! Charlie, do I have popcorn in my teeth? Tell me now, wink once if there's a popcorn kernel. I love how he tries to have a sympathetic scene,

but he can't stop himself from flying off the handle. I did not! Sealing on! That's what she told me when I was on the phone with her. Surely you could be on the phone with her if you just wanted to. She's like, she blocked me. She didn't talk. Man, if I'm totally new to that. Of course. She enjoys this so much.

That's why I love it. I don't even care if she's evil. I don't even care if she's calling Raquel, being like, don't you want to be on telly, telly? I mean, what do you think she's doing? She's running a house here. Okay. So then she's like, oh, she blocked you. Well, then it's over. Yes, it's done. It's done. It's over.

I know this much from the tiki-toki, blocky, blocky, baddie, baddie. She's like, this is what I've learned from tiktok. You're my not little boo thing. Every little thing that you not do thing. Oh God, is that really a TikTok thing? You know that song? That's like, you're my boo thing. So what are they doing to it?

Is it like a certain dance that they're doing? No, I'm pretending that Lisa Vanderpump took the TikTok song and negated it. Listen, TikTok confuses me. I don't know why, cause I know it's all an algorithm. And I'm like, but why am I being served this? Like I've got my feelings hurt by it. Cause I feel like it's listening to me.

And it's like, you're a terrible person. And here's what we're serving you cause you suck so bad. So I don't open it. It's very rare that I open it. But when people talk about it, I'm like, well, what's happening? I mean, honestly, it's a miracle that I know what's happening considering the only thing that TikTok serves to be as North Sea TikTok over and over and over again. North Sea.

North Sea. The boats. I get girls doing makeup tutorials. It's the weirdest thing. Mine is boats going through rough water and every single one has the same song, goes like this. Yo ho, all hands. I hate that song.

You know, you've heard it? Yeah, of course. It's like such a straight guy thing. Oh, it's like a sea shanty. It's a pirate song, yeah, or whatever. Yo ho all waiters I'm on Tom Tom to north Tom Tom to Charlie grew Watchest

Sorry plugged it plugged it can't have that Charlie. You're a Tom Tom now yo All recal's won't you blarks and the vol. I'm gonna pass out. So yeah, it's a lot. So she's like, oh, she said she felt manipulated by Sandy Vol. And she actually told me she didn't love him anymore. Oh, wee. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Past in the past now go walk through those doors of the restaurant that I've closed and can't get rid of please

Leave under the pump sign darling You need a clean break so please be sure to kiss the tongue the pump sign as you leave that I've put on top of Tom Tom now waiter from the restaurant that just closed please escort this person out Please give him a complimentary bag of tiny boiled shrimp. Now I type kind of dyslexically, and so I type Lala's name sometimes as Allah, which is kind of funny. Cause I'm like a goth.

I'm not gonna touch that one. I'm like, I'm like, I'm not gonna, you know, I just always crack up when I see it. Cause I'm like, of course, Lala is like the all-powerful. It's like, welcome to Alas, welcome to the Alas scene. So Jessica, her assistant is like, oh my God, Lala, when you're in your heels, I feel like I'm your child. I can't believe Lisa's coming here.

I was like, oh my God, dusting. Is it because of this sentence that Lala decided to get a sperm donor? Oh my God, I love being a mom. So when you said you're like my child, it makes me realize I need another child. Or I just need to pay more people to completely imitate me to be able to work for me. It's amazing. I love that Lala has like a stand in for when she's not at the store, which is always, you

know, she's had somebody who's just kind of like working. So Vanderpump shows up at the door frame of Lala's WeWork corner. And she's like, oh, hello, what is this? This is, this is an office. What, I don't understand this space you have here. Where's your bar? Where's your, where are your purple lights and your fuzzy chairs and your giant pendulum swinging from the ceiling?

Ooh. She's like, have you met Jessica? She's my brains. She's, oh, you have a brain? She's, no, that's why I have Jessica. Jessica's got a desk. And Jessica's like, I'm gonna be dusting. Okay, well darling, I love this.

This is an office. So what is this? Is this it? This room, and we'll send it to Dereel's shirt. And she's like, no, it's also that other room and a parking space before. I don't like to think about before. God, I miss the pump.

This is really awful. It reminds me of the time that I visited the offices of the divine addiction. Poor Pandy couldn't quite get that one off the ground could she guess it's better than pucker and parrot or whatever that ridiculous be log was it's time for a commercial it's time for a crappin's commercial hey grown-ups the cat in the hat cast is a new podcast from Wondry, perfect for the whole family. Join the Cat in the Hat and your favorite Dr. Seuss characters as they get whisked away on a new adventure every week.

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Wait a second, I'm sorry, I just got started I thought someone was coming to attack me But it turns out it was a giant bubble rising in this Incredible device that seems to have a tank of water over a big rectangle. What is that exactly? That's what Jessica drinks up Stealer sparkling. Oh darling Every felt itself when she's done with the balls. Before we had that ice to come in and she would just be laying there dry. The poor water over her to bring her back to life.

This machine is hideous. Can we just put a little black shirt on and have it unbuttoned to its navel? Does this machine have a navel that we can... Can we talk about my sperm donors? Because I'm trying to talk about Matt and Lili. Darling men donate sperm all the time. Just stand outside in the Sir Alley. Surely you're sure to catch a low and hero there.

Why pay? You're all to catch a load hero there. My pay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha except my babies whether they're sparkling or not darling. Still a sparkling yes, we call it pandia sparkle and Mark are still. Amala's like I'm just a bitch in these streets trying to find sperm donors. She's like, ugh. What am I doing here? Haven't you ever seen?

Someone get me out of here. This takes me back to 1990 when my sweet husband Ken brought me to a horrific movie called Look Who's Talking and I said, never again, never again. All fun games until you've got a little Roseanne Bar refusing to eat her spaghetti-o's, am I right? Is that she, devil? Wasn't that, look who's talking, wasn't there like a little Roseanne Bar baby in that?

I know there was a Crusty Alley, but wasn't there like a Roseanne Bar? Oh, maybe a future, maybe, I only saw the first look who's talking. Oh, ho, wasn't it Bruce Willis was the voice of the baby? I don't know, it was like Crusty Alley. Crusty Alley, John Chavolta and the voice of Bruce Willis. Oh, that we have to see.

And then it was turned into a TV show which I think had Julia Duffy in it. Look who's talking. Yeah, let's see. Let's see if Roseanne's in it. Yeah, Roseanne Barr. I think she was in Look Who's Talking 2. Two, look who's talking.

Olympia, Dukakis, she's Greek. She was in, there was someone named Twink Kaplan. Twink Kaplan. Why do I feel like we know Twink Kaplan, right? Oh, of course, Twink Kaplan with the mouth. We know her. I feel like they know Tween Kaplan, right? Oh, of course. Tween Kaplan with the mouth. We know her. She's like in the good 80s actress.

Oh, she was the, she wasn't, she was the teacher and, and clueless. Yeah, she was great. I love Tween. I'm telling you, I know who Tween Kaplan is. I mean, I didn't know her name, but I would totally go to her university. Um, can we see who's in look who's talking the original? Okay. Cause I feel like there's probably some, like, right?

Who's talking cast. And then I also want to know about the TV show. Which one? So Olympia du Carcass. A lot of people lost their hair from this movie. I'm going to tell you that right now. Abe Vagoda was in it. Something on craft services made them lose their hair

because you've got John Travolta bald, Bruce Willis bald, Jason Schaller bald, Abe Vagoda bald. I blame the film. Yeah, I do. But look up, look who's talking, the TV show. Oh, for fuck's sake, there was a TV show? Yeah, it was on ABC. I think it was Julia Duffy.

Oh no, it wasn't Julia, Julia Duffy was in a, it was in a show called like, Oh Baby or something like that. Oh yeah, there was in a movie of this. No, there was a TV show, there was a TV show of it, but it was, see, look, there was. Look who's talking now? No, that was part three. No, there was a TV show of it, but it was, see, look. Oh, there was. Look who's talking now. No, that was part three.

No, there was a TV show, but I... Okay, this is over. It's over. I'll look it up on my phone. Okay, so now I'll look it up one more time. You can look it up here. No, no, no, no, no, no, it'll be easier if I do it here.

Okay. So Lala's like, we're in a position now where, I mean, I hate you saying the word dissolve. Especially when we're talking about sperm, darling. No. We're not. We're not. Drop the liquids, all right.

Okay, well. When you say dissolve, are we talking about the carcass of that fly that's attached to the fly paper up there? Well, I don't, that's Jessica. Jessica, get off the fucking ceiling, Jessica. I'm sorry, we've got stinks. I was offering the fly still as sparkling.

She was just hanging around. Like I was just dusting. I got stuck up here. It's not flypaper, it's actually just by extension. I got caught in the air conditioning. Oh. So she's like, okay, well, I also don't like using the word rant, but we're going to rebrands. And that's what we're doing, because I have to get rid of La La's in the names.

The brand has to stand on itself. But wait a minute. You make two sweatshirts, send it to Darrell and like, I'm a betch on these straights. I just want to interrupt and say that there was a show called Baby Talk that did star Julia Duffy and George Clooney. Baby Talk starring George. He's probably so mortified. George Clooney. I'd like to think George Clooney is in Dubai somewhere getting a massage listening to this. Well, he is those guys. Well, you know, George Clooney is now, he and Amal are like concerned about like, major worldwide events and humanitarian causes.

And then we're here like, yeah. And he was also in a show called Baby Talk. Well, hey, listen. Julia Duffy. It doesn't erase your past, you know what I mean? Oh my God. Look at that photo. Look at George Clooney.

Wow, he's in the, it's Julia Duffy and wait, click on one of them. Well, this is also him on Roseanne. Remember when he was such a disappointment to Jackie? And he was on Packs of Life. Like I feel like those of us who are children in the 80s really knew the true, the true. The true George. He was also not that cute back then.

Look how cute he is now. He's way cuter old. Yeah, good for him. Jealous, jealous. Okay, so we're talking about Lala's business. So much like George Clooney, she's rebranding from Baby Talk to International Superstar. Yeah, he rebranded the Caesar salad to a Caesar haircut. We all had it.

Remember that? God, my head smelled like anchovies for months. So weird with that haircut. But people, that was the first time people were like, oh my god, your head is so round. You had the Caesar? Oh yeah. I didn't, I never did it. I pulled it off, I love that.

Except I have two Calyx right here when I had hair I had two Calyx and I kind of fucked up the Caesar. The Caesar's hard. Your haircuts as a kid can never work out, that's the point. Okay, that point as a whole. Lala is giving up, it is no longer give them Lala,

it's give up Lala, okay. Because she's- Gap up Lala. It sounds, but it also sounds like she, maybe the brand that she created was that like enmeshed in her relationship, is that like, is she having to rebrand because of her divorce? No, I don't think so.

I don't know. I don't think the brand cares. I don't know what we're not gonna know, because Lisa Vanderpump sure does not give a fuck. She's like, what are we, why am I here? What have I done? Who made me come to this set? This set of sad.

So she doesn't ask her anything. She's just like, sperm is disgusting, darling. And so then she's like, let's talk about, um, let's talk about this baby tomorrow. So she's like, so. Lawla says, yeah, I want another baby. And this morning my child child's is fully speaking. And Vanderprompt's like, and did she mention a sperm donut? Boop.

Boop. No, but like, I don't want to have my baby. I don't want to have a baby daddy. Okay, it's like, I just, you know what? I don't, I don't, I don't, I want to have a child. I want to have many little babies. Okay. And I'm like thinking about getting it. I want to get a donor's and then I want to have this one and like a tough one and then get a baby and then create a baby What I want to do is I want to Pinocchio some bitch

I want to go to a toy store and be like that's mine and then I'm gonna make it come to life sk okay sk Um and she's like yeah, I'm gonna adopt one. I'm gonna get a guide. I'm gonna buy one I'm gonna like find one on the streets. I don't't care. I just want like a non-share baby Like shit as a singer. No, I don't want to share my baby It's like so hard knowing that somebody could come in and take my baby one day. I want to be able to look at ocean and be like Buy happy and then just push her out the car door and hug my child my full-timer Be like your benefits are better, babies. Have you considered a small, barely alive little dog?

Cause I find that's very rewarding. No matter what you do, make sure you chip your child. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No matter what happens, I find someone a child and before you know it, they're at the shelter in the OC. Or Arizona! Of all places. I love speaking in mom.

Okay, I'm bored. This is exhausting. I know that poor mothers go through labor. I don't want to hear about it. So, Sanneval, Taho was a respite, wasn't it? Wet. What about spitting? No, no.

Okay, did you have fun there? Are you friends yet? Can we do a TV show yet? What's going on? Sorry, I was in the middle of trying to rebrand my baby Okay, well it was easy for me because I don't have to be between Tom and Ariana It's like she mad us but there was a group photo taken of all of us and top in front of Okay us, but there was this group photo taken of all of us in front of Wolf. Okay. Thank you darling, thank you. And the internet was like dragging Sheena's for being a slut.

No. For having terrible dry eyelashes. They're embarrassing Kella. For never going through the universal life experience of being on Dancing with the Stars. Well that too actually, but mostly for standing next to Santa Falls. And I was like, why wouldn't you put out a message to Ariana and she didn't want a headline? And I was like, everything is a fucking headlines.

And then she did it. I'm a good person. I'm like the mother of Teresa of making people post on Instagrams. So all right, then we see Ariana Tweeted something that was like, she knows great. She's always been great. I love her so much. Doesn't matter who she stands next to. It would matter more who she dances next to if she were on a show about dancing.

Listen, it's not like she did the Rumba on national television with somebody that dumped me. It takes two to ten. Go as special if you're on Dancing with the Stars. You know, Brittany, I just wish that I could make this up to Sheena and thank her for being so loyal by letting her do Brittany night on Dancing with the Stars. Unfortunately, they wouldn't allow that. So I'm going to do it this Tuesday. They're doing a night for me. I'm on Dances of the Song.

I'm allowed a moment. Just give me a moment. I live for my You're a cool guy You're a cool. What's her dog's name? You're a cool dog. You're a cool guy. I don't remember Carson Breeson Luke and You're a cool guy, but you're cool guy. You're cool guy. You're cool guy. What is his name?

You're cool? Oh my god, I'm sorry. Anybody hitting your screen? Okay, I'll look it up. I'll look it up. I already have his dog. Okay, Brittany and Jack's dog. I'll look it up.

Okay, so, Lala's like, yeah, she needs to put out a statement because it's shitty of her not to stand up for somebody on Instagram's song. She's like, oh, we're to put out a statement because it's shitty of her not to stand up for somebody on Instagram. She's like, oh, we're calling it Insta hippie now darling, just despite Ruckab. So while I was like, yeah, I said, Arianna, something's gotta get sk.

Kingsley. Kingsley, you're cool, got Kingsley. Yeah, that's right, thank you. That would have made me nuts. So Van Der Prum's like, I only see a shit storm coming. Wolf, 20, 24. So now we are a lot of drinks from a mug with her face on it.

I love there's so much. Thanks. There's so much episode left. I'm just looking at like I was like, oh, it's like, oh, weird. Only get it really. Aren't we almost done? No, we're just getting to like our first show. So now we're 40. OK, our first show. We're on an hour 40. Yeah.

Okay, it's okay. It's brand fun. You know what we should talk about? Look who's talking. We should really talk about it. That's what we really need. Look who's talking is us. I'm tired.

You take over. I'm a little bit patient. So I know, yeah, because I was just doing, I was doing, yeah, do you get it up? Do you have to lubricate that? Yeah, you have to put this like gel on it and then you're like, put the, oh god, damn this feels so good.

Yeah, I'll see it up there. I'll see it up there in my face. Wow, that's very nice. I have another one, do you want me to get it for you? Sure. I can alcohol wipe it off. Yeah, I'll give it a try. Sort of scary.

Am I, is my face gonna burn? No. Okay, so we hear this city lights song that's about city lights and stuff. Sorry. Remember? Am I, is my face gonna burn? No. Okay. So we hear this city lights song that's about city lights and stuff. And we see James's DJing at Surr and we see lots of pink drinks and everything. So Schwartz walks up with Joe. And this is a very big Joe episode because this is also the episode where we get our first Joe confessional, which by the way, I love Joe.

So Joe is like, if a spider could talk, what would it sound like and would it want free Olive Garden? Because I guess that's what I want right now. Breadsticks, okay, I just cut your hair. Why are we a surgeon instead of Olive Garden, okay? And Schwartz is like, oh, well, have you ever heard the term talking spiders or barking spiders?

It's a euphemism throwing people far It's a farting spider. Oh my god. I can't believe I left during a Joe scene. I love Joe Wait, so how does this work? Okay? It just hold down the button and see it turns on and then you just rub it on your face Wait, you can't leave it up. Yeah We're doing facials over here. It's a nine hour. We got just do it like this Yeah, just like you're shaving, but your face. Just kind of move it slowly. Ooh, it's like wet.

And then it's gonna get warm later. I feel like I have to get ultrasound to my forehead. Forehead. There's a brain in there, a baby brain. Okay. No offense, I didn't mean it like that. Okay, so yeah, Joe, fucking Joe's a weirdo. If a spider could talk, what would it sound like?

He's like, fart. So then they come in and Joe's like, oh my god, these seats are so small. I feel so tall in here. Basically everybody when they come into serve and have to sit on the fucking ground on those seats. They're all fists. They're not even big as my mushroom stool.

They're like a fist that you have to sit on. By the way, what is this doing to me? What's it supposed to do? It's supposed to kill the underlayer of skin so that it starts regenerating the, I guess it regenerates your skin faster. Like it kills one part and then, you know, you can't have life until something dies, guys, is life.

Okay, okay. Okay, so they go in and they're sitting on these stupid little stool things and Allie's like, hi, oh my God, are you a Pisces? You've got like such Pisces energy, right? And she's like, oh my God, I love you. I feel so tall compared to you. Hi, honey, give me a hug.

I'm Joe, your best friend, your best friend for life. Oh my God, you ever need a stick of gum because I'm basically your auntie right now. Auntie Joe, it does not sound fun. Do you want to ride in my car? I didn't bring my car, I can get us an Uber. Do you like riding on the back of bikes? I love bicycles.

Did you ever know that disco balls are just tiny mirrors? I had to stop doing this thing because it's distracting me from the pile. I can't multi-task the way you can. You're really good at it, but I'm like, am I putting in the right place? Am I doing even distribution of laser? There's no wrong way to do it.

Okay, well, either way. But now I feel like I've got lube on my face. You do. It dries up fast. It dries up. Look at my skin now, look at my forehead skin. It looks amazing, I'm telling you. Beautiful, beautiful.

Okay, so Joe is there and she's wacky. And so, Ally's like, I'm like, you guys are like so funny. I feel like you guys probably just had a conversation about spiders farting, huh? He goes, yeah. And Schwartz is like, so, oh yeah, so this is Joe. She's like a badass hairstylist.

Oh, and she's from Wisconsin. And then Joe does this thing. Was this where she like grabs the hands? She's like, yeah. Is that what she does? She like grabs, she like grabs. She put out her fist and then she's like. She like grabbed the hands like. So great. Another Midwestern girl.

This is wacky. Tell me you live for Linguini. And Ali's like, I don't know much about Joe, but I do know the other girls have problems with her, especially Katie. And then we see a clip of Katie Thoreen going, and you know Joe, just a fucking creep. Joe is like the most bubbly, happy person this show has ever seen.

She's just like a free spirit, and she's like, I'm having a great day today. And they're like, look at her, she's awful. Like die, die in your sleep, Joe. Yeah. And the short saying, no, she isn't. Don't despair, it's Joe. And then we cut back and Ally's like,

I mean, didn't a moving was short? It's like right after they got a divorce. Okay, so was he cheating with this girl? Cause now I see if they hated each other because of that, but I don't think so. I don't think so. He put an ad out for a roommate after he got kicked out with Katie and then they became friends if they hated each other because of that. But I thought that she was his room. He like put an ad out for a roommate

after he got kicked out with Katie and then they became friends and then they ended up boning a lot. That's why I think it was, but it was just that like he moved on. He moved on so quickly or whatever. No, this shows a fucking liar. I know, fucking liar.

So James is like, so this is Joe, isn't it? Hello darling. And he's like, yeah, this is my good friend Joe. And Ellie goes, yeah, I get friend vibes, total friend vibes, friend vibes. Which I was like, is she trying to kind of like, make sure they're there? Or is that her way of advertising to Katie?

Like, hey, it's okay that I'm hanging out with Joe because they're just friends, so it's okay. I don't know, but I think she's doing a pretty good job of balancing, but also no one's really taking her that seriously yet. Although I was very surprised that they're so nice to work girls night. Yeah. Well, she's like, she doesn't really, yeah, she doesn't really, she's just sort of like a non-entity. And she's giving them free readings too.

Like even if you don't believe in this shit, if you hear somebody does readings, you're like, oh my god, wanna read me? So James is like, is it friends with benefits? And Joe's like, I got girls role, boys role. Brand sticks, I want my brand sticks. Halligar and Sheryl look strange these days. So she's, Ally's like, yeah, friend vibes.

Okay, like bone in. Okay, we're all the way at the bottom of the page. I don't know how to use your shrink mouse. It's fingers, it's a trackpad. Oh, it's like a trackpad. It's like a mouse pad. It's like a trackpad. Yeah, it's an external mouse.

It's like, you know what it is, it's like a trackpad. You know what it is? This is why I'm so thin. This is, okay, so, okay, everyone, I just wanna show you, this is a trackpad. This is a trackpad. You can get it, you can just get on the internet. This is what they do now. Myse is squared okay, so, okay, everyone, I just wanna show you, this is Trackpad. This is Trackpad. You can get it, you can just get it on the internet. This is what they do now.

Misa squared now. It's like someone ran over a mouse. You ever see a mouse in a mouse trap? That's what this is, it's Trackpad. But it actually doesn't run track. So how about that? You can't even, it's called Trackpad became but in the Olympics.

What's even the point of it? It's stupid. So, Shoritz is like, we had some breakthroughs in Tahoe and James is like, I have to admit, I was stoked to see us three band back together Band of brothers, you know it goes like you were never part of that. I'm sorry But that was always just those two. You're not there is no bam. There's a duo This is Simon and Garfunkel not the fucking Beatles. Sorry. You're being nice to somebody for no reason. Yeah. Oh, yeah

How's hippie? We put him in a crate so the cats can come up to him because he has behavioral issues. He bites. We do the same for James too, to be honest. Joe bites too. Short says, if I bark like a dog, we can go to Carvel afterwards. And then Ally's like, Oh my God, it's a guy with giant muscles and no sleeves on his sweater. Is that sand along all? If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault

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You can listen to Wikihull ad free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. And so then Joe's like, yay. Send it all up. Send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up,

send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, send it up, yo, you, I was watching James James. I was watching Franks and Audra's on videos on, on, uh, YouTube and, and masturbating next to Joe. And, uh, I was like, we should have a rat pack guys night, you know,

cause we're like all supporting rat and, um, I don't know. It just sounds fine. It's like, I'm in, I'm absolutely in. Hey dude, what's going on? I was just down the street. I'm sorry. I thought I'd pull absolutely in. Hey dude, what's going on? I was just down the street. Sorry, I thought I'd pull some Southern charm. Hey, what's going on? And Ally's like, oh my God, I'm like,

there is, it's like I'm sitting here with a sand ball. Oh no, it's. So Ally's just looking around uncomfortably and we get asked. And Joe's like, oh my God, the tall ones, the tall ones sit here, okay. It's good for your knees, just kidding. It's really not good for your knees.

Well, this is where we're sitting. Oh my God, are you my best friend now? I love you, God, I love you guys. I feel like we've known each other for 19 years. This is amazing. Ali, I know what your sign is. Amazing. If you were a sign, you would be called gather.

Cause really what I want to do right now is gather around you, hold hands. Let's hold hands. Just kidding. Dogs don't have hands. Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog. Can I have this go choose ball at your face it'll be fun So Santa Claus like so I was like just on Lee's son like we filled each other in on stuff and yeah, I got a right scream

They're like, okay They're like, okay. Hey James check out these sunglasses. Yeah, put them on put them on James. Yeah, James I put these on I got these for you people accused me of grooming and I totally don't do that. James, put on these sunglasses, bro. These are from the Lynda Dano connection from 1987. These are really expensive and hard to get, James. You can keep them. He's like, oh my God, Lynda Dano,

he went on a date with my godfather, George Michael. You might have heard of him. Oh! Can I call these sunglasses Andrew Wigsby? Cause you know who's in wham. So Schwartz, then Schwartz cops and just Oh my God, that was a world leader. No that much.

My God, fuck it. George really loved him. So the Schwartz cop, Schwartz cop, Schwartz cop was not a world leader. He was a general. He was a general for it in Desert Storm Or Desert Shield. Well, how's James supposed to know that? So Joe's like you spit on me Kind of fun though. Yeah, so Ali's like she's like oh

James those are those are nice and you they're very Elton John. He's like thanks. Hey, I'm John Those are nice and you they're very Elton John. He's like, thanks. Hey, I'm John She's like it feel thing he's trying to buy James I hope James doesn't fall for his apology because then when he does and then it doesn't work out He's gonna be like why did I fall for this loser? Why did I fall for this loser? But you know, through the years, Tom's has always been giving me a lot of cooler, like older brother gifts, you know, and like, I've never lost one thing he's given me.

Mm, except for the joy I had at Vrochella, perhaps. And Raquel. And Raquel. I did lose Raquel to him. It's almost like I gave him a gift. We are. So Kristen outside of Starbucks. Kristen? Kristen, because they were showing shots of LA and then they showed one of the blow

up things with the arms. Yeah. So they're back at the Ski Ball place that Raquel went to with, no, she know went there, yeah, I think with, she know went there with Brock last season was talking about how she like stands for Raquel went to with no she know went there. Yeah, I think with she know it there with Brock last season was talking about How she like stands for Raquel so they're there and she was like, oh my god, let's get some tokens tacos and tequila I mean wow, I can't believe like all the gardens rebranding like literally every day now. It looks like this It's a trifecta of tea tokens taco tequila. That's this amazing. We're playing fucking ski balls We're gonna do we're gonna ski on that ball ski the ball

This is amazing, we were playing fucking ski balls. So what we're gonna do, we're gonna ski on that ball. Let's ski the ball. Let's ski on that ball. And now here's with this friend. Just to be clear, Joe and I were never in a formal relationship. However, last summer, I maybe didn't divulge as much about how much we care about each other. I'm a little boy, I'm cute.

But part of it was, you know, Katie has such resentment towards her and Joe is in everyone's cup of tea. But she has a great cup of tea. I just called her a cup of tea. I'm the fucking cup of tea, Looslith. Put some honey on me. God, there was a guy. So I was listening to NPR.

What's that? Um, I don't even know, but I was listening to it and there was like, there's a guy testifying about evidence of aliens. I mean, there's so much new info about aliens. Like tell me you're not a tall gray. Please be in Earl Gray. A beautiful tea of Earl Gray. La la la la la la la.

La la la la la. I come in peace. I'm just an alien standing in front of an olive garden asking for some free breadsticks. I just not to let any of this pass by without commenting that Schwartz is also a piece of shit in this situation of shocker you were lying all summer no one would have guessed that Schwartz and you weren't listening to NPR let's come on yeah let's be let's be honest okay the fucking Schwartz I love the way

Schwartz is curating his personality he like, you know I was just at home watching all Frank Sinatra videos Who's just me listen to Terry gross watching old Frank Sinatra videos reading latest book review by Machiko Kakutani And she's like guys last night am I right that was so amazing last night, am I right? That was so amazing last night. It was so amazing, right? She was like, it was so good. We were such a family. Remember when we passed the turkey and the stuffing? I mean, it wasn't really turkey and stuff.

It was just hugs and hugs. I remember when I gave my fist to that girl who reads charts and I was like, you're my sister. She told me to please leave. And I was like, not without you, not without my daughter in my ride. So we fell, bitch, get over here. It was great. Like, we are really like, it is weird, not without my daughter. Am I right? So we feel bad, get over here. It was great.

Like we are really like, I just, it is weird. Just like one big family. It's like, as long as we got each other. No, no, no, no, no, no. Right, am I right? Am I right? It was like a family, but we're not even growing. And we don't have any pants.

We're just like a family that's already there. Right. So at first I was like, oh my God, they're such a cute couple. Like, they kind of want shorts to be run over by a bus, but they're cute. I mean, they have a good energy, but this is Vanderpump rules and we cannot forget the men are shit and he's fucking this

girl over a hundred times over and he immediately does his old like he does his old thing because she's like the producer is like when was the last time you were intimate and she's like he's he says I don't remember. He's like, I don't know, I don't wanna talk about that. I don't really remember, we're not really, we're just friends. And she's like, last week, a month ago or something.

Well, I don't really want anything with her. I just want, you know, we're just friends. And she's like, so you just need time, right? So what do you need, like three years? Three years, that's all you need, right? Okay, so you're gonna be 43 then. How old will my eggs be? Do you know anything about follicles? I'm not the hair kind. I know all about those ovary kinds.

Do you think they're ready for you? Oh my god, I've been harvesting. I've been harvesting. He's totally leading this girl on as well. Well, he also, by the way, let's not overlook the fact that he kind of outs this, right? Because he's like, yeah, whenever I bring around you, bring you around guys, round the guys. And Joe's like, yeah, you're like, oh my god, it's like, yeah, whenever I bring you around, bring you around guys, round the guys. And Joe's like, yeah, you're like, oh my God, it's like my sister, yeah, except of course, it's sort of weird to have sex with your sister. She's like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

talking too much, talking too much, why are you saying that, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, she's like, why did you just say we had sex on TV? Yeah, but he's totally leading. He's doing that thing like we're just friends, right? But then telling her they're not just friends and then fucking with her head and this girl's gonna end up in tears.

It's like, oh, that way we're more than just friends. They're telling me we're gonna be together for three years. And by the way, Joe, I like you on this show and I'm already feeling bad for you because I see the trajectory of this and I'm also not gonna feel bad for you because you should know this. Don't tell him you don't have a television set.

Okay, you know, you know. Look at the fucking this. Don't tell him you don't have a television set. Okay, you know. You know. Look at the fucking signs, okay? And if you don't look at signs, don't be shocked when you fly off the side of a cliff because you miss the curve, okay? Well, I like Joe and I'd like to see more of her on this on this TV show personally. Oh, there you go. There you go. So then he's like in another timeline, we could be living happily ever after. She's like, three years, right?

Oh, our baby could be three years old if we started now. I'm just kidding. We're just friends, right? Hmm. So now we go to James and Allie, and Allie is trying to make, she's like, I need to like watch TikTok so I can know how to make a short crew to rehold on one second.

I'm going to turn on the short crew to re-talk. Yo, all meets, place them directly on the cutting board. Hold on let me look at the other one. Blanc-blanc, what's the song you were saying? You're my little booth thing, you're my little charcuterie, everything you did a do-thing, and I'm in the mooping. Okay so now the boys are in suits. So James and Schwartz meet up at this steak place and the brightest place in Los Angeles.

Yeah. The very fluorescently lit H and H H and H. Stakes. Yeah. This I was thinking the same thing. I was like, oh my classy place guys. From the people that brought you bagels, come. Steaks.

And he's like, guess what town I'm going to tonight? Chow Town. I'm all right. So then the girls night, Katie and Ariana go to Allie's and Allie's like, oh my God, everybody, look it's your birth charts. Yeah. And she's like, I'm so excited.

She was like delivery. So there's like huge box arrives. She's got these huge boxes. I don't know if they're dress boxes or guitar boxes or whatever. And now he's like, yeah, I owe Sheena my life. And she goes, yeah. Maybe was it did I have something to do with Taylor Swift? Yeah, because then she said.

Were they the beads that, to make the friendship bracelets? Those big boxes. I mean, there were humongous boxes. Cause people bought enormous amounts of those beads to make those bracelets to hand out. Really? I thought they were either guitars or dresses or something.

Or Taylor Swift. She's like, I imported to Taylor Swift for tonight. We've had Taylor Swift dismembered and sent to my house at Burbank. Cause now we got bad blood. She's like, when cheer drops on my guitar, blessed our ears on the radio, I decided I want to be just like Taylor Swift.

And then we see a clip of her from 2012, it's a baby singing with a guitar. She's good I know I don't think I've ever said that about a singer on Bravo before yeah She's good, but she's not to lose this is my worry about Ali to be on this show You need to be delusional Ali's not delusional and She She needs the delusion to have become her true self because she can actually sing. She was up there, she was doing like,

who will save your soul. Smiling like she had a good presence. And then it was like, I don't know, it was like sort of like a, like a. I'll tell you who will save your whole doughnut. He's been through training. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. So she was like, but there can really only be one Taylor. So I decided to become an astrologer instead. Give up on your dreams. That's how I got on the show. I wanted to just inspire people to have positive energy while they're giving up on their dreams

at a very young age when the whole life is ahead of them. So. How they run, girl. Jesus Christ. Do I need to come down there and stage mother your ass? Cause I will do it. When is that my turn? and the whole life is ahead of them. So. Alley run, girl. Jesus Christ, I need to come down there and stage mother your ass, because I will do it, when is it my turn?

What did it get me? Me in the background. When the mama rose your ass. This just in Alley's guitar has been cast on Dancing with the Stars. Ah! I can't believe that would happen. So now we get the conversation,

we've all been waiting for Pellegrino versus Perrier versus Avion. So Ali's like, Lala, I know you didn't drink, so I got you some Pellegrino, is that okay? She's like, I love that. She's like, good, cause James said it was like the worst sparkling water. She's like, no, Perrier than Pellegrino. And then we kept the guys, and Schwartz is like, good, because James said it was like the worst sparkling water. She was, no, Peries, then Pellegrinoff.

And then we cut the guys and Schwartz is like, what do you think the best sparkling is? And James is like, I would say Avion. But by the way, Avion is not the best sparkling, is it? I don't, I've never had Avion sparkling. Why would I? I think I've had it, but Avion is a thick water. I don't like Avion.

It's a milky water. It's a thick, it's a hard water. I don't know. My favorite, I mean, Ronnie has, was kindly provided with the Topochico, I don't like it. You know, it's a milky water. It's a thick. Yeah, it's water. I don't know. I don't like it I mean Ronnie has jet. Let's kindly provide me the topochico, which is by far the most carbonated I think in terms of the best actual I mean, I love a Pellegrino. You think this is the best in terms of flavor You know what? Well flavor. I'm not talking flavor. I'm talking pure bubbles. This one. Is it still bubble? This is it is wildly bubbly. it is I hear his bubbling from over here

His is still bubbling mine is almost gone So there's no bubbles if you put your ear It is like a seashell if you put like a conch shell a conch shell I hear it if you put your ear to a topo chico bottle you can hear the sound Vanderpump rules dreams fading There's only one Taylor's there's only one Taylor Swift. There's only one Taylor Swift. One Taylor Swift. One Taylor Swift. That's the sound of the soul dying.

That's the sound of Joe's soul dying on the show. No, Joe didn't give up on her dreams. Just Ally did. Joe's still dreaming. Joe's like, I could be a horse if I wanted. Would you marry a horse in the next couple of years? Okay, so the point is, That was the sound of Joe's parents giving up on their dreams for her. Yeah, the minute she brought James home. No offense. So Topo Chico, that was the sound of Joe's parents giving up on their dreams for her. Yeah, the minute that she brought James home, no offense.

So Topo Chico, that's the best because the bubbles last forever and because they're very hard bubbles. They're like, like they attack you. And because the lady who is the IRS to the Topo Chico fortune is absolutely amazing and fabulous and was the best part of Mexican Dynasties. Great show, by the way, bring it back.

Okay, so they're talking about that. They're all wrong, cause Topo Chico is the best. And then Sandoval comes and their waitress is Beatrice, who is like, oh my God, there's so many people here in fluorescent lighting. Welcome, I'm Beatrice. Do you still love coconuts? She was like, oh, you do love sucking on sweet coconuts.

Don't you? Hashtag rap pack. Beatrice is like, thanks. I got just a, you want Perrier? Yeah, James is still trying to convince us that they were all brothers at one time. Like, nope, don't have that chemistry. He's like, I remember juicy coconuts.

You put the lime in the coconut and the coconut goes, you know, stupid slut. OK, so then Brock comes and they play some meat game where I guess some have green, I guess one side is green, one side is red and then when you've had enough meat, you have to turn it over and you're red. And then- Stop. It's like all you can eat meat, I mean, it's disgusting.

It's a Brazilian steakhouse, you know? I mean, just all you can, I'm not anything against Brazilian steakhouses in particular, just all you can eat meat just sounds like protein farts to me. Or West Hollywood. So, uh, Lala, back at the other, back at, back at girls night with the Star Charts, which by the way, they have to reason why she, you know, came is because she heard the word star. It was like, maybe it's dancing with that. So, is it, Lala is like, by the way, I'm so excited about tonight.

I wanna hear about everyone's, okay. So, Allie says that Ariana has Jupiter in her first house. Perhaps drops of Jupiter. And- Yeah, I mean, you're so lucky. Like you have like a four leaf clover in your pocket. And it's like, you know, I didn't feel lucky when Charlotte died and then my grandma died

and my relationship died. Let me see the clip of her. It's a mystery. Like, can I get you anything for you to die? Yeah, and she goes, but maybe getting rid of Tom was like stomping. Maybe Tom's foot was on the four leaf clover, stomping it and getting rid of him like let the ford leaf clover bloom.

Yes, actually. That sounds like a good theory. Yeah. So then, I mean, I even feel better, honestly. And so Ariana's Alley's like, Sheena, I was super, super shocked by yours. Um, is mine like a girl with dresses for you? That look like Taylor Swift?

Yeah. Your man is in the seventh house, which is like a need for partnership But your son is in the 12th, which means like the first is the beginning and the 12th is the ending So like, you know, we're all gonna die Like what the fuck dude? I know hold on one second. I read that wrong your son is actually in sparrows I don't even know sparrows could have a space on these charts, but apparently they really are everywhere. Oh my God, it's amazing that you read

my future restaurant theme, Sambarrows. It's like Sambarrows, but Mexican food, Sambarrows. And the theme is like hats, Sambarrow hats. So she was like, story of my life is like putting everyone first. And like, that's just like how I was raised, like on the plane, like you're supposed to just like save yourself first. And like I would say, because she makes lunch a lot of hours. I was like, so always like, I'm like, you're next.

You're you're mean. Well, it's like, yeah, I'm a real cut fitness, right? And so they're all laughing. And then she tells Katie, yeah, I'm a real cut fetnest, right? And so they're all laughing. And then she tells Katie, Katie, this is definitely not your first lifetime. And Katie's like, no, I think I'm on my last one. Yeah, in my previous life, I was always like a male. That's why I'm like having trouble

stepping into my feminine shit because I've always, I've always, I've never been a woman before. And she goes, yeah, if you ever wonder why I have such big dick energy, it's cause I used to have a big dick. I was like, okay, cool. Hey, Ariana, can I tell you something? Things are looking up and I know it feels shitty right now, but in 2024 around March,

you're going to be like, thank God that fucking happened cut to Ariana's no being sued for a revenge porn. Well, she's being sued while she's on Broadway. So she's on Broadway. You know, I don't know. I don't know. So, I mean, by the way, that is, that is kind of wild. I mean, she's, Ariana's literally like selling out like the biggest sales Chicago's had in

years because of Ariana. And that is happening right now in March. That's wild. Ali got it right. Puh-da-puh-da-puh-da-puh-da-puh-da-puh-da-puh-da-puh. Best album ever, get it? Okay, so Ariana's like, yeah, she's talking about how she wasn't prepared to move.

Then she's been working on it with her lawyers. And even before all this happened with Tom, like literally the week before, she was emailing the agents and being like, guys, we need to do something because I have $5. So. Yeah. And she was like really like, she was running out of money. And she talks about how when she first

started to make some decent money, they decided to buy the house. And then she was playing catch-up So it sounds like the house was like a little bit out of her like what she could truly afford And then they found the sandwich shop and then had to put some money into that and then all of a sudden She's like basically down. She was down to her last $2,000 And so she's saying that like Sandeval created this mess and now I have to now I have to like responsibly move to the next step,

which just goes to show it's not as simple as just like, oh, I'm moving out of this house. Like she had no money. So it's not like you just go out, right? And especially like, why should, why should she be in convenience by him when he's probably the one who kind of probably like, advocated for getting a house in the first place.

So then we go to the boys and James is like, when was the last time you spoke to Lisa? And he's like, yeah. Lisa said that she talked to the Rickle and like it's like so weird talking about this in front of you, James. It's like so weird, bro. Yeah.

You'll be all right. Will you be okay if I tell you that I brought Lisa some ice cream? Because I definitely did that, bro. My God, is she sober now? No. I was like, she used it for enjoyment. Really? She snorted it?

She snorted it? Does she know about the dangers of snorting New York superfudge chunk? You can really get something stuck up there. You've got the lavender. All right. With the lavender, you put it in a glass pipe. You get real hot, not regular like a You got the lavender. Oh right, with the lavender you put in glass pipe and you get real hot, not regular light of heart.

Real, real. No, well, it wasn't drug ice cream, it was just ice cream. Listen, you don't need to feel weird around me. It's a gentleman's dinner and I'm not gonna flip the table over. Hold on one second. Beatrice, could we have some more Evian? You don't have water.

Get the fuck out of here, you stupid fucking slush. Stop bitch, Beatrice. Beatrice, turn around. I'm gonna spit on your ass. How about you work in a real restaurant like sir once in a while, where's the DJ in here anyway? Wiggy, wiggy. Oh, so then Brock's like,

all right, what was your perception of what you were told? Cause he knows, Brock, you didn't say what you want about Brock, but Brock sees. Brock sees, listen, he also has the confidence to show up in a ruffle shirt. Okay. Like a sheer. I would have the confidence to do whatever the fuck I wanted if I looked like that, that gel, that hair, that haircut.

God damn it, I love you. Just take off your shirt, Brock. Well, she's like, Rachel's like not happy with me for some reason. Like I haven't heard from her over a month and I'm like sitting here looking at my phone every night, really just like with the camera, I'm looking at myself. And I'm like alone.

Like I can't do this anymore, dude. Scott has nerve. Everything he says. Like how is every single thing he says. Yeah, poor me. Like she's like in therapy and like I'm here alone. Like what the hell? Like it's time for me to move on.

I cannot with this girl obsessed with her mental health. Who does that? She's literally in rehab and he's the one who's the victim here. You know who was never in emotional rehab? Barbie, it's fucking Barbie weekend, can I please? Come on, two men, I know we've got my mom by myself. I never needed you, I found you.

So then she was like, I'm gonna text Brock. But it's like so weird not being with Brock right now. So Lala was like, you know these guys are all bonding right now. So I hope you're prepared for this because that's what happens. Guys go and then suddenly they forget everything. And Ariana was like, well, I would hope that James would feel like he deserves better.

And Lala's like, guys are different Ariana. And she's just, well, that's sad for guys. And Lala's like, I think that James feels guilty. And Ariana's like, I think it's because he feels like that because like he knows he's betraying himself. And let me add to that, and Lala's like, no, I just think that everyone's worried about losing use as a friend. And Al's like, well, maybe it's both. I think there's a layer of like, dude, he fucked your ex-fiancé, you know? And Ariane is like, well, I mean, it really mattered to him.

So there's no way it doesn't matter two minutes later. And Lala's like, yeah, well, that's what time does. Time passes and then something starts. And you know what? You're always gonna see it differently. Well, I was looking at your new brand. Did you say Rand, fuck you bitch. Never speaks to me again.

I'm gonna throw you off a fucking roof. Got it, bitch, cause this bitch is in the streets. And if you confirm my man, Skeptor, what he did to me and my babies. Hippocrates, you fucking hip-a-crisps. I see the truth of who Sandeval really is, though. I think, well, of course, because you're the most affected. Like, well, I don't really care what James does. I just don't think it's who he is,

and it will come to a head for him. Yeah, and what will your stance be if they kick it? Yeah, but if they're kicking it, stick out to our son. She goes, I'm not gonna fuck with that. She goes, see? But like, see Sheena? She's made apparent that if you go and forgive Tom Santa Bals, that's gonna put your friendship at risk.

And she goes, I didn't say anything about forgiveness. I'm just not gonna fuck with people who are going out to dinner with him on a random Wednesday A weekend would be better like everyone goes out on the weekend. So at least that would be forgivable No, I'm Wednesday Wednesday I Made would you ever do anything on a Wednesday? So she knows like this is like exactly what I was afraid of.

Well, that and like not getting a call from dancing. But I was like trying to have a conversation with her tonight and like from dancing with the stars to losing Sandoval, but like seeing her reaction to like James hanging out, I'm just gonna like sit back and keep my mouth shut. And Lola's like, if anyone understands this whole thing with the acts, it's just gonna like sit back and keep my mouth shut. And Lola's like, if anyone understands this whole thing with the axe, it's me. Because like, I just don't want to see what

happened to me happened to youth, where I become so invested and what everyone else is doing. And Ariana's like, but I'm not. Look how lie I am. You were mean when you were threatening to cut people off. I'm so lighthearted about it. Yeah, I'm like, very chill and fun. Don't worry about it. Lala's like, but you are your heated, your heated that Jim's is going to have to have some Brazilian dinners. And Katie's like, um, you can't apply your situation to everyone.

Lala. So like, oh, really? Sing I'm applying my situations because we're not going to apply my situation in reality. Are we? Because no one's going to like what I have to say about it. By the way, when they, when they showed the shot of Katie saying, ooh, she's like fully blurry because the camera was first

decided to focus in on the Mr. Bank. Mr. Bank. I was like that, like the cameraman was like, I really don't care about Katie right now. Literally Katie cannot win on this. Let's look at what the cat's doing. I know Katie's actually doing something today and they're like, what's Mr. Bank's doing

on the dining room chair? It was literally like the cat wise. The cat was like across the room and they're like, enough's Mr. Banks doing on the dining room chair? It was literally like, the cat wise. The cat was like across the room and they're like, can we get Katie out of frame? Even in the final shot, spoiler alert of the episode, which will come in about an hour in this recap, but the final shot of the episode,

Katie gets the final shot where she's like, I'm so mad at everybody. And it was still close up of Mr. Banks and they had to blur back to get Katie's face in there. But the girl can get no respect on this. Mr. Banks is like, can't help it, I'm a star. So Katie's like, well, what kind of threat is that, Lala? You're not gonna like what I have to say?

Then fucking say it, Lala. Say it with your whole chest, bitch, let it go. I was like, okay, okay, Katie. You can't be invoking Lala, who's invoking two pack while you're in a fight with Lala, okay? She says, excuse me, don't talk to me like that, bitch. I love two white girls going at each other. Come on, just stop you two.

You're embarrassing you two. Katie's like, she's Katie's like, excuse me, like don't point your finger at me like that, bitch. Well, you know what? You do not want that with me disengage disengage So our anus like I think what she means is that you act like oh it was just so much worse for you La La just what's worse for me? I love it every day. Do you know what it's like to have a baby with a ramp face? Do you know what it's like to have to feed your little baby child to chicken fried

chicken breast every meal? Every time I see that baby I just say be nicer to Bruce. Stop exploiting Bruce. So Lala's like no one gets shitty X more than me. I'm never rid of this shitty person I had a child with. That's how I know harboring resentment like Ariana is it's gonna eat you alive. Okay. It's like drinking the poison and expecting it to kill another person. Okay. It kills you. I don't want that for my friends. And Katie's like, yeah, well, your problem always has to be bigger. It always has to be better. It always has to be which is true. She's got a point, but she was also the one who's like, Tom Sandoval never apologized to me about five minutes ago So Lala's like I brought so hard for Arianna's are you fucking crazy bitch? And you're making you're making me go on defense mode and I don't want to go there with you then defend yourself

Well, I don't want to do that with you So why are you doing that to me because I haven't done a damn thing to you Katie and you know since when has that mattered? She was coming for you from the first second But you also have to remember and that's what I love about this They cannot keep it together for two seconds or they're like we're just gonna have Solidarity for when to see they can't do it I mean even already Lala's already like don't come for me bitch and Katie will come for you We've already seen it happen on this show and I love it Katie's like it just it just was a bit much

And I love it. Katie's like, it just was a bit much. Galalagals, you're a bit much all the times. Guys, I'm just gonna say one thing. The point of astrology is how we're all different. And like, we know how Lala communicates and we're just like all different guys. Yeah. Because like, this is all about like universal love.

Like, can we all just get along? We can, if you just understand people's birth charts. You know what? I watched that three times. Anyway. You know what? I apologize if at any point in time I made you feel like I was making it about me.

I just get heated, you know? Like you wanna see my chart, it's right there. Ha ha ha ha. And then they all laugh, but Katie doesn't. Katie's all pissed off, and that's where we get the shot of Mr. Banks. And Katie's like, guys, can you please focus the camera on me?

I'm sorry, Katie. It's a really cute cat. Katie's mad, everybody, focus the camera. I would argue that Mr. Banks is the best cat we've seen since Ashes which was Lauren Conrad's cat on the hills. Oh, there we go. Okay guys, that's the end of this 19 hour recap Thank you so much for being here go get tickets for the European stuff the Netflix comedy festival See this on patreon get the bonus episodes everything over at watch what happens watch it crap ends Dot coms also. Dwell. Hello's gonna be really fun this week.

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