Watch What Crappens - #236: Still Hot: Ladies of London Special

Episode Date: November 7, 2015

ll Ladies of London Special Episode! We spent so much time talking to the queen Kate Chastain (Below Deck) that we had to skip LOL. It was too fabulous an episode to not talk crap about, so did a special. How. Lucky. Are. YOU? Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium subscribers, Jessica Halford-Porter, Christy Doherty, and Claudia Catalina. We love you girls. Now on with the show. Hello everybody and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a very special Ladies of London

episode in an Australian accent. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV and I'm with the gorgeous, talented, and completely American Ben Mandelker. Hi, Ben. Hi there. I'm so American. I'm taking on a yoke-a-loco accent. Local yoke-a-lax. I can't even say it right.

I'm just warning anybody listening to this, obviously, because who else would I be talking to, that we're already kind of loopy. It's like an extra episode. It's a Friday. And it's the afternoon. It's almost dark. Soups Loops. We're Soups Loops. We're doing this episode

because we spent two hours talking about Below Deck on our previous episode because we had Kate Chastain who's one of the stars of the show. She was on it. So for the first hour she answered all our questions. The second hour we just recapped the show. And we thought, you know what, who's one of the stars of the show. She was on it. So for the first hour, she answered all our questions.

The second hour, we just recapped the show. And we thought, you know what? Let's call it a day. But Ladies of London was so good this week, we couldn't just ignore it. Ladies of London is so good. It's so funny and ridiculous. And I've got so many screenshots from it. I'm loving it.

It's so good. And if you're new to this podcast, because I think we're getting a bunch of new listeners thanks to two wonderful ladies one is heather mcdonald who had us on juicy scoop this week and we have gotten so much love from her um also uh molly mackley or malls you were on her podcast just this week i think that also came out yesterday please advise um so that was really cool plus very excited to say that our podcast has reached number three on iTunes for their TV and film podcast, which is absurd. That's crazy, right? We've never been on that list before.

We've been on the episode list, but I don't think we've been on the overall, have we? That was pretty cool. Overall, we're usually around 66 or something like that. That's awesome. But right now, we have skyrocket That was pretty cool. Overall, we're usually around 66 or something like that. That's awesome. But right now, we have skyrocketed to number three. We are in striking distance of NPR, so watch out, Terry motherfucking Gross. Today, we will be talking about ladies. Ladies in London.

I have to make sound effects. I do NPR sound effects. We should, man. We should have an entire NPR. Yes. And then Caroline Stansberry gets into a car. At the Bedford Diner in Bedford, New York, life has been going on for 30 years,

just the same as always. That works with the train. It does. It worked. The train station has always been a reliable source of customers for the Bedford Diner. I'm still going. I'm doing the NPR thing. Let's do it the whole time.

I'm down for a Ladies of London NPR episode. It's probably the only one Annabelle will listen to. She'll be like, oh, Gran. Rock and roll, Gran. So we'll get into it right now. Just first, our little house cleaning things. Come over to WatchWhatCrapHands.com to find all of our links to everywhere. We're getting consolidated and cleaned up over there.

So every episode will be findable there. Also come to Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrappens because that is where you talk shit all week long with us about these shows that come out. We have live show threads and then these episode threads that you can talk on. So fun over there. We're getting all of our Housewives news from there. And you should too. Yeah. And, you know, Twitter, et cetera.

Find it on WatchWhatCrappens.com. And that's it. Yeah, and Patreon. Patreon. Oh, yes. And thank you for everybody at Patreon. Go to Patreon.com slash WatchWhatCrappens to find all the bonus episodes. Those have been so much fun.

And they're all there. If you're new to the podcast, once a week we do a whole other half an hour to an hour's worth of content that is just for our Patreon subscribers. So if you want to hear that, if you still want to hear our crazy voices, go to Patreon and you'll figure out all the things you can do yeah all different levels and stuff you want to talk about some pbs action that's it over there we've got npr and pbs going at the same time different packages you can do to help poor adults in need in hollywood oh man well thank god it's friday i was just telling ronnie before this podcast started i was working in a coffee shop, which is still LA. And then on top of that, a reality show crew came in

and started setting up, which is even more LA. And this podcast almost didn't happen because I almost bailed. So I could be in the background of a reality show. Which would be so LA. Which would be so LA. I would admit. To just be like, sorry, can't do my work today

because I'm an extra on a reality show. So. I was so excited. The camera was camera was the angle they set up two cameras and a lighting rig and everything because we're gonna have two people sit at this table in the tiago coffee shop they're gonna talk to each other and one camera was directly facing me and i was like this is it but um this is it and the pa even came over and they're like we're so sorry but you're gonna be in the shot do you mind if we if you sign a release and everything and i'm like oh yeah sure and then like but then they said it wasn't gonna start for another hour and it's like i got a

podcast to do that would have been funny that you're in the scene sir could you please re-eat that piece of bread we need some consistency in this show. It's good. I haven't showered yet. And, you know, my hair is a mess. So, you know, I wasn't camera ready. I wasn't BET camera ready. It was for Sean BET.

Well, Ben, I'm sure that it's all going to work out in the end. You know, that wasn't your Matt Damon and Ben Affleck moment. Because they were extras. And trust me my dad reminds me of that all the time he'll be like what are you doing with your career not much dad got uh made a made a desk at my couch and he's like well you know ben affleck and matt damon were extras and that's how they got started i was like yeah and they wrote that whole movie for themselves while they were extras get out of here it's not because they were extras listen

living in la everyone's an extra at some point. Everyone has had a gig, whether an extra on a reality show or whatever. I remember in 2005, I believe, I decided to be an extra. I mean, I wrote into a Craigslist ad that was like, you want to be in the intro to Monday Night Football?

And I was like, yeah, that seems fun. You get paid $100 and I'll get to be in that intro because I watch Monday Night Football and it'll be fun. I'll watch the intro and maybe I'll see me. It'll be really cool. And I went like, yeah, that seems fun to get paid $100. And I'll get to be in that intro because I watch Monday Night Football. And it'll be fun. I'll watch the intro. And maybe I'll see me. It'll be really cool. And I went and I spent a whole day on this set with Hank Williams Jr.

And I had to do this ridiculous thing where I was walking to the camera with my fingers snapping like I was in Greece or something. Like, yeah, Monday Night Football. And I never even made it to the final show. That was my big extra moment. Oh, yeah. We've all had those extra days. And, you even made it to the final show. That was my big extra moment. Oh, yeah. We've all had those extra days. And, you know, I could never do it. I went and signed up at the Central Casting Place like three times probably over the past

10 years. And I'm so disgusted with humanity by the time I leave. Like, nothing will gross you out like being in an entire room of not just actors, but like not actor actors. Like, they're all doing yoga poses and like deep breathing and going over their non-lines i'm like look at you buttering nothing they'll be like doing vocal warm-ups in the corner ma ma ma you're an extra what do you stop calm down over there yeah everyone wants attention everyone wants to be discovered and it's really off it's like the

most thirsty place in all of la vicky. Vicky needs to leave, like, really pretty models alone who are actually working for a living on sushi tables. And she needs to march on down to the central casting and just say, get a job. Get a job. Your parents are sad. Get a job. Yeah. Love you, extras. Love you.

Speaking of not extras and adults with a lot of money. Yes, the exact opposite of the whole thing. Let's get into some chick music. Yeah, waking up. I'm a happy girl. You're a happy girl too. Let's have a happy fun day. That was my impersonation of the Ladies of London

generic stock music that they play at the top of the show. That was pretty much it. It was like, it's a day after dinner and we're waking up, waking up because girls and girls wake up. But there's always something kind of like adolescent rebellious about it. Like, I wake up when I want to wake up and I don't make my bed. I just want to throw up because I'm a girl. And you're like, what is this stupid stupid song i don't want orange juice i just want

to drink other things because i'm a girl it's always some lame protest about some something that declares like this teenage independence over something their mom is making them do basically every song is juliet like complaining on FaceTime to her husband. You know it. It's like, I don't want Thanksgiving in the restaurant. I only want it where this couch is to sit on. I want to unbutton my pants at Thanksgiving. Because I just want to feel like I'm at home.

I love that they have all this girl, like, girl power, girl power. Like, they've been partying all night. And then it cuts to Marissa and Julie. Like, how was your night? I fell asleep early. Me too. Girl power, girl power. I keep, like, this party music going on.

I know. And then there was like a moment of like Julie she couldn't find a door I just wrote down a note Julie can't find the door I don't even know what that's about but she's trying to find a door and she's like how did she not find a door and then I could totally imagine be like oh this is not a door this is a window this is a wall oh god there's no door

how did I get in this room in the first place deep breathing nam, namaste Namaste, Julie, deep breathing Tree puffs, tree puffs, I can do it Give me five, give me five, give me five So they're going Be asleep and girl code music Or whatever, and then it stops

That's my favorite move in these Songs, is when it like immediately stops And it's just like Annabelle closing the door loudly. Yeah, I love that. Because the thing is, all season, whenever it stops, it shows, like, here's a slice of life that kind of encapsulates what this person's all about. So this episode stops, you just see Annabelle just walking away from the camera down the hallway in silence. It's like music stops, annabelle staring at a lamp it's like music stops annabelle's like opening up a package of doilies and putting them around

she's like polishing rifles from the 1800s so good uh this was kind of annabelle's episode for me i just thought she was so fucking funny in this episode because she had to actually speak more she was funny and caroline fleming was cracking me up well she's just turned she's just turned into like an actory bulls full of shit one you know i saw that one coming but i wanted to believe she was just wonderful and genuine but no are they ever still like her i love it i love the picture she gets the more i like her actually that's the way it goes the brits or europeans i guess that they they can get that whole like new agey american wow man everything's okay i'm grounded but man the second you piss them off forget about it yeah whoa yeah don't don't piss off Caroline Fleming. She's like, I am the goddaughter

of Count Prebin Arflat Lovig. My father stole a bird bag from another person's father in 1702. Wow. Wowee. I hope they make a miniseries about that.

Sounds fascinating. So we open with Caroline, of course, the queen. The other Caroline. Caroline Sandberg. The poor Caroline, darling, at this point. Caroline and Fleming in bed in the morning. Let's just call her poor Caroline. Poor Caroline.

It's like on Big Brother this past season where there were the twins and there were like they were like fat liz and thin liz and fat liz was just like thin liz like maybe one extra pound poor caroline oh poor caroline so we start there and she's like where's luke where is he how can he not be here i should fire him you know bingadiva and then luke in his jumpsuit coming down the hallway with bags and bags of makeup i know well i love that he's like the carolins like what luke thinks he's on holiday which is i love that that because luke thinks you know as much as you say oh luke is my best friend i love luke where's luke he's fired no he's on your payroll

he's not your best friend well she's kind of like that with her friends, too. She was like that with Caprice last year. She's like, listen here, Caprice. I don't appreciate you talking to me from behind the glass wall. I can't really hear you, and it's not my job to listen. That's Pauline's job. Valentina, fire Clarice. Clarice is like, whoa. I'm on the cover of a newspaper instead of Kate Winslet.

Wait, what's the lady's name? Kate, Princess Kate Kate, oh no, Kate, yeah Not Winslet, that would be amazing though If Kate Winslet became the princess No, it's Kate Middleton Middleton, Middleton darling Valentina, tear up the Daily Mail I don't want to see Caprice's face on this at all

Pauline, take all the Daily mails down to the basement. Rainier, light them on fire. Now, slowly. Amber, please go get a dog from the pound so it can pee on said papers. Bad news, mum. Still on the digital edition. Oh, for crying out loud, I'm going to throw out all the laptops. Valentina, burn down the internet.

Internet, stop. Internet, stop. Internet, stop. Why isn't the internet stopping? The internet doesn't listen to me. Murder the internet. Bad news, ma'am. Can't stop the internet. Oh, well, fine.

You know what? Just take a sledgehammer and just crash. Just destroy every monitor you see until it's all done, all right? I'm going up to Stonehenge. Valentina, email Google and let them know They're disinvited to my summer home Amber, make sure she gets the bone out of her mouth Dog, pee on paper So what I loved is that

So Luke finally shows up And he gets into bed in his big onesie And he's like Caroline, do you have caviar on your face? So Luke finally shows up and he gets into bed in his big onesie. And he's like, Caroline, do you have caviar on your face? And she's like, I do. I do. I did have caviar. This woman, she had butter on her face last time.

Now she has caviar. I kind of love her, but I'm very confused by this, too. It's rich asshole late night binging. They don't have Little Caesars next to the fucking house or wherever the hell they're like little osestras that's what like a little roman man they literally have like one of caesar's you know distant cousins working a pizza oven i know actually we have a patreon question um because if you donate to us on patreon at a certain level you can ask a question that will read on the show so jamie mcfarland asks at what point will lu you can ask a question that we'll read on the show. So, Jamie McFarland asks, at what point will Luke be removing

a turkey dinner from Caroline's face? Well, I think it's coming up. It's coming up very quickly, but I think first there'll be some scones and clotted cream. That's so funny. Yeah, that guy is basically just there to wipe that woman up, and then also, like, assistant coach her when she needs it.

You know how every school has the assistant coach her when she needs it he's you know how every school has the assistant coach and they do everything because i went to a lot of schools i was like one of these bitches i was like i didn't like it here mommy new school i went to a new school like every year every two years i'm not even kidding and every one of them had either a coach or an assistant coach who did everything else it was like here's the coach also the priest also the swim coach also the tennis coach also the math coach after class you know he did everything else it was like here's the coach also the priest also the swim coach also the tennis coach also the math coach after class you know he did everything and that's kind of how i feel like luke is he's like the assistant coach who has to do everything i know yeah that's that's

a good point yeah he's he is the one and then we get into coach fight later but we'll save it yes so next up is uh in the van with coach caroline okay so the coaching begins so i've been joking this whole time that annabelle is totally coaching these women to go against caroline and it didn't work and she was all upset you know like bullwinkle the natasha and bullwinkle or whatever so then and you know it hasn't been that obvious on the other side but now we get coach caroline in oh so good just sitting in the car trying to talk julie into why she should be your own person and and by the way and she's doing this on the other side of the seat of annabelle yes literally like they're like inches away and caroline's there and i love by the way i mean caroline doesn't

give a shit and she keeps on calling annabelle poe face which i thought was like way too sophisticated for reality rata tv i'm like i don't think we've ever heard the term poe face on bravo this is this is a new frontier what is poe face because i thought it just meant like poe like poor and i mean i know she's smarter than that but to me it worked i was like oh my god she's calling her poor face which is saying something about her discount fillers which is saying something about gran's money which is really rude well it's according to the merriam-webster uh dictionary it means having a serious expression of the face i thought it was oh it's po p o face po faced wow it's spelled just the same as po how is anybody gonna know the difference i know. Darling, you called me Poe on TV.

I said you had a Poe face. Well, what's the difference? Well, you know, one's poor and one's Poe. Yes, Poe's Poe, darling. Can't just change English, darling. Stop fighting with English, darling. Respect English. Maybe you should give your posh put-downs a little less to the English language.

Maybe that. You should only put the Poe in posh put-downs a little less to the English language. Maybe that. You certainly put the Poe in posh put-downs. I don't know why that's funny to me. Because it's like the most awful thing a British person could say to one. Oh, you're so Poe-faced. I can't believe you just say that right in front of me, right

in this black car. Has anyone been downtown lately? Have you noticed how Poe all the Poe people are? What's with all the Poe faces on the Poe people? I don't see the Poe people. Valentina, raise a blanket. I don't want to see the Poe people and their Poe faces. Valentina, erase your Poe face just because you're going to be Poe. Pauline, put on this mask of Kate Middleton.

Good. Now go get a headline this mask of Kate Middleton. Good. Now, go get a headline in front of Clarice. All right, tunnel off now. Caprice, darling. Caprice, not Clarice. Clarice is Sons of the Lambs. Caprice is like a little drink

that you stick a straw into in a bag. And she was on The Surreal Life. Oh, so good. The funny thing is that they actually mentioned Caprice this episode, which was hilarious. Because she's been kind of erased from the universe of Ladies of London.

But Caroline did mention her at one point later in the episode. So anyway, so Caroline is like coaching Julie and being like, you have to get out from under her thumb. Or she's right up your ass. Or you're up her ass. All this stuff. And Julie, I know. I mean, I don't know what's wrong with her. Because she's just up your ass or you're up her ass or all this stuff and julie i know i mean i don't know what's wrong with her because she's just julie do this julie do that julie get up julie lay down julie open the door julie stop talking julie drink something julie stop talking it's like oh my god julie calm down over there she is such a mess um so then they

arrive at the cast so by the way they're going to Caroline Fleming's castle not just their estate I mean Mapperton has nothing on this thing this is a full on castle although I didn't think it looked very castle-y it looked kind of like a really big McMansion in like Connecticut you know like all the brick and stuff

it was very pretty but it's a big square no I mean on the inside it looked very castle-y but I was sort of expecting turrets and stone things and like little peasants around in a drawbridge which i know is very naive of me but it's like beverly hills i know i know actually that is what beverly hills is like because you get all these like dumb rich people who are like i want a castle and then they yeah they go and they literally build fake castles and they look so stupid yes Go look at Lazy London and see what a good Danish castle looks like. A big box with a triangle

on top. Go to the Danes, darling. See how they've done it. Have you never had a Danish? The happiest country in the world. You know why they're the happiest country in the world? Because they have great castles. Oh, we have White Castle and they have big red

brick castles. And I love when they get up there to this castle and the family is lined up. It's very Downton Abbey. I was like, they were just talking about jub balls in the car. And now we're at Downton Abbey. It's like, how did we get to jub balls to Downton Abbey? And everybody was wearing a dark hat. What was that about?

I know. And Caroline Fleming is like kissing the butler. She's like, nah, it was so good to see you. He's like, my name is Bjork and you've never kissed me before in my life. I see these winches you've brought away in dark hats. I thank you for at least that, little one. How lucky are you to lift up the drawbridge for us? So once again, you know, Caroline

loves just talking about, like, she's like, my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather tipped over a boat in 12th century A.D. and was given a castor in return, and now I am the first female heir after 3,000 years. I know my math

is terrible on that, 1,200, 3,000, but you know. My 11th grandfather threw a cigarette out the window, and it accidentally hit someone in the eye who was allergic to nicotine, and they died, and we ended up inheriting a castle. My great, great, great, great granduncle's brother, by marriage, invented tennis, and now we have a castle. But there are always, like, awful things happening. She's like, oh, isn't that silly? One time, great grand daddy, dan, daddy, dan, daddy, dan, daddy, dan, daddy, dan, daddy, dan, daddy,

was just a common bricklayer until he dropped some bricks off the top of a building and killed the owner of the city. And here we are in a castle. Isn't that wonderful? We've accidentally murdered someone and now we control the world. It's so funny how my great, great, great, great grandfather murdered Julie's great-great-great-great-grandfather and now I have a castle and she has jump balls. That was priceless when she was

introducing them to the family and she's like, Daddy, Daddy Darling, I've been speaking with Godfather Baron the Duke of Cochness and I was introducing him to Julie Montague and he said that his

great great great granddaddy murdered him on accident by running him over with a cow. Isn't that hilarious? He's like, oh it's wonderful. Poor Julie's off in the corner. Should I go tell this story to my stepmother, Mollice

Ewell Brockdorf, or do you think she would not appreciate it? Isn't it hilarious that the Montagues could have been us? Instead, they were poor and had to invent sandwich. Oh, darn that. Oh, disgusting, darling. How lucky are we to have a castle instead of something you eat for lunch. I talked the sandwiches into opening a sandwich shop, daddy.

He's like, we're all idiots. I remember when great grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, grandmother, Flerventine had issues with her lover, Vlöge, and then he went off and his family created chicken fingers and now we have a castle. This is such an amazing thing

what happens in life. I did have a brother, a wonderful brother. It was his birthday. I made him a beautiful dinner by hand. I would have no one else cook for my brother. And he choked to death. And now I'm the heir.

Congratulate. How lucky am I? How lucky. How lucky. So anyway, so then we get a tour of this huge castle. And so Caroline Fleming has given everyone their own palatial room based on their personality rooms so she gives she gives julie the empress room because julie is actually a lady like is that another word in dane for the attic because that's where i usually am the

addicts i'm just the one who doesn't care. You know, I'm the addicts, the only place without fur. And then she's like, here, Julie, Julie, you get the empress room because you're a lady and you deserve an empress room. And Juliet, here, you can have my grandparents' travel beds. Here's a cot.

Juliet, here is a doghouse. I know you've never seen one where you're from, but we invented them here back when great Auntie Wilma died. Juliet, I like to think that as we get closer, I like to think that it's somewhere down the line that my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather perhaps drowned your great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather perhaps drowned your great, great, great, great grandfather. I feel so close to you now.

Juliet actually got stuck in the church room. It's like a whole room that's a church. She has to sleep in. And Juliet is actually trying to keep it positive because she's just got everybody nice to her again. So she's positive and she's like, yeah, I'm in the church room. I'm a fashion blogger no one had long hair before jesus thanks thanks thanks caroline literally everyone probably had like a scenic view of the danish countryside and hers was literally a balcony overlooking the chapel

like it was in the chapel it was a bedroom at the top of the chair yeah it was like literally in a church i can't believe that she didn't make Marissa sleep in there, you know, like the molesting little boy's room just to punish her. Well, no, she put Marissa in the West Indian suite. I was like, you know, when we colonized the West Indies, a place that my family has spent so much time teaching those savages about the ways of the West. You know, we learned how to tame people. So for you, Marissa, here's a place where you can be tamed. Thanks. Marissa, when my

family first stepped foot on the ground of the West Indies, hunting humans was legal. And it still hasn't changed. Have a nice sleep, Marissa. Have a nice sleep. Whenissa. Have a nice sleep. When our people first went to the West Indies,

we met a whole bunch of new people who we took over and made sure they realized they could never be like us. And so in that sentiment, please enjoy this room. I'll never forget my third birthday when I got to behead my first hyena in the West Indies. Have a sweet sleep, Marissa. And they were playing for some inexplicable reason. I always write down the sound cues

in this show. I don't know why. I love them. But they were playing, I'm gonna give all my secrets away. Why are you playing that in the West Indies song? In the West Indies room. What are the secrets of the West Indies? I know.

And by the way, I loved how then, of course, Annabelle, they're like, oh, yeah, it's the granny room. Annabelle was probably like, finally. I feel like I'm at home. They're like, welcome. This is a room with a giant bidet with handrails and lots of laps with flowers on them to polish. Enjoy, darling. Thank you, darling. Plenty of surfaces on which to put teacups.

This is a room full of ghosts that no one remembers, but we still pretend to cry about. Enjoy your sleep, my darling. We have a complimentary dunce cap in the corner to make you feel at home. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people

think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world

of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

Poor Annabelle. She's like, all right, thank you. I just need a room with curtains that close all the way, all right? Anywhere with blackout curtains is fine. Like, if the only place completely dark on this land is under the ground well i'll take it sounds wonderful darling uh rock and roll granny rock and roll granny so then um i love that so when caroline um samber is getting situated

she's like oh you know it's you know it's just i'm trying to put on a happy face but um'm it's just at the most it's terrible time for me i'm so stressed i'm like yeah i'm sure your former employees love this like oh i'm so sorry everyone you're all out of a job now excuse me while i go to a castle yes well every time she's like i'm so how can i live like this i just can't think the gift library and every time she's in a bed and i'm sure that she's thinking look i'm in a bed my hair is messy i've got caviar on my face okay i was binging late at night how can poor people hate me i'm spending all this time in bed well guess where they're not in bed okay they're looking for jobs and you're in bed in like a four seasons robe and your hair is slightly must with caviar on your face and you you're ordering people around. She literally goes, champagne, please.

Valentina, bring the champagne. And then we're playing sneaky clown music. The head of this part, my title for this is Carolina Bedigan. Poor. I don't want to be Poe-faced. I'm putting on a brave face for the Poe people with the Poe faces. All right, get this straight. Champagne! Champagne.

Bad news, ma'am. They only have Prosecco. Oh, darling. Darling, those are the people that fucking Fleming's family accidentally ran down in the 1600s, darling. I'm not drinking that. So then we got more of a tour of the castle and they go to like this big ballroom and caroline flummey's like i used to play tennis in the ballroom that's kind of what we did i

thought everyone came from that kind of place i thought everyone played tennis in the ballroom i was completely surprised when i got in trouble for it the first time i said sorry queen who does that? So funny, though. And it reminded me of that movie Frozen. Did you see that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So you know how the kid, well, I won't say the whole plot because it's twisty and turny for those of you who haven't seen it. But it's about these two lonely kids without parents. And one will freeze the other one. So she's stuck in the room like Annabelle. Okay, she's the Annabelle. And then the other little sad one, I forget her name,

the girl from Wicked. That one. No, no, that's the main one. I'm making this too long. Anyway, the lonely one had to be in a ballroom. That was the whole thing. She was like stuck in this ballroom playing tennis by herself.

And she's like, do you want to build a snowman? And I just imagined Paul Fleming. Yeah, exactly. Entertaining herself by playing tennis. And she just really only had a piece of wood that she pretended to hit a ball with. Yes. It wasn't tennis at all.

It was really just throwing an orange at a painting. They were like, Caroline, you have a special gift. You may never touch a person ever again. How lucky am I? Not at all. Don't forget, darling, when you go to bed, that you need to go under everyone's door crack and whisper silently, Good night.

You have a gift, Caroline, and from now on the gift means that you can only have two people in the cab, including you. So if a third person tries to get in, kick them out. Yes, Mommy. Yes, Mommy. I don't know what that is. Do you want to build a snowman? Now!

Sorry, Daddy. Do you want to build a snowman? No! Sorry, Brother. Do you want to build a snowman? I'll be playing Tenny. Don't get morons on Great Baron Munchausen. Do you want some Himalayan sea salt?

No. Would you like to make some pesto? Actually, yes. How lucky am I to finally find something to do? I've put the pesto under your door, father. Would you like some fritos? Actually, yes. I'm gonna run here.

Please don't come into my family home and speak to me. It's very disrespectful. The first time I met Serena Williams and I threw an orange at a painting and she asked me why, I realized that's not how you play tennis at all. I had to completely relearn.

Yeah, I mean, you know that there was a fairy tale. We're not getting the full fairy tale story. It was like, I always played tennis in the ballroom, and my father said, no matter what you do, be careful of the paintings. And then one day, I threw the tennis ball at the painting, and it came alive and said, Caroline, you have been cursed. And from this day forward, you shall always have a bookshelf in the middle of your

dining room table. Your family, your family's family, every child born to this family shall have giant pieces on the dining room table

that obstruct the view of your guests. Oh, how lucky. Oh, my. Caroline Fleming, this is the ghost of your great, great, great, great, great grandfather. You have thrown a tennis ball at my portrait and now you must suffer the consequences. From here on out,

every bench that you ever buy will have a huge disruption right in the middle of it. Ugh. Do you want to build a snowman? So we go from the ballroom tour, which I don't think I'm ever going to forget in my entire life, by the way. That was like the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I felt like Juliet. I was like wow i was so excited and i

love that the photographer there's like one photographer stepping up from behind a planter he's like and i also love by the way i'm sorry real quickly i we really didn't touch on this but when she said that this is what she thought everyone did, I loved that she thought other children all had ballrooms that they all were playing tennis in. That's what I loved. When I learned that multiple children across the universe didn't grow up like this, I told myself, Fleming,

you will spread almond butter to the po-faced po-people. And I've done so. Here, have a bite. Okay, sorry. The West Indies choked, but they choked peacefully and happily on almond butter. And now we own it. So next, we are still on this tour, this never-ending tour, which next goes to the Africa Room. And the last time we were in an Africa Room was on Real House housewives of atlanta during the tour of thomas kramer oh yeah thomas kramer's house sit down and shut up

sit down shut up or leave so that's totally what i thought i was like oh my god please let nini yell at somebody or can be like i love lions hello lion so uh fleming said said that this was Europe's largest collection of animal trophies. And then she's like, she keeps pointing out all these oddities. She's like, would you like to know what this is? This is the penis bone of a walrus. And Juliet goes, I didn't know penises actually had bones. And Marissa goes, maybe that's why they're called boners. Maybe that's why they're called boners. Maybe that's why they're called boners.

I am a, I'm pretty American. Like I'm as American as they come. And I still love to laugh at the fucking Americans on this show. Can you imagine what they're doing in the UK? They must be on the fucking floor every time. You know that probably when the cameras are off, Juliet and Marissa are like, did you hear when I said that? Remember that? I would be.

And then Caroline Fleming's like, this is a shrunken head. What do they have in this castle? They got a shrunken head now? This whole room was so fucking creepy, by the way. It was so gross. It was like Noah's Ark, but everything's dead. I know. And then Fleming's like, who tea it's like what sort of transition

is that here is a shrunken head and now we can have tea who would like to watch television let's turn on the walking dead and eat hot dogs it's like no no let's get over the dead people first and Marissa's like oh yeah all these animals that we don't be worried

Julie like we used all the parts they're being made into unique things at top dock boners i just wrote boners really big and crazy juliet laugh shrunken heads oh my god okay fleming apprehensive about the parental meeting i just love how she speaks speaks. I really do. She's like, well, after showing the girls the Africa room, I thought, whoa, I sure feel apprehensive about the parental meeting.

She is the kind of the NPR. Ding, ding, order's up. We were in a restaurant. A restaurant full of po-faced po-people. Ding, ding, ding, order's up. Well, you know, she, it's funny, because in that castle, Fleming turns right back into the princess or baroness or whatever.

I mean, it's like all that sweet, whimsical stuff goes away. She is full-on Mary from Downton Abbey when she gets into the castle. She's like, all right, now everyone gets ready for dinner. We're not late for dinner. We're not late. we have to be prompt we must be prompt because mommy and daddy will not be pleased if we're not and i want them to think i'm hanging out with a good group i'm like you're bringing a reality show into a castle a that's like the trashiest thing you could do while you're fucking a child well to in her parents eyes and you're bringing this group in

there i think you're i think your parents are pretty much ready for whatever happens tonight yeah they'll be surprised and by the way this is a small note but um were were you as sort of like jarred as i was that they were sitting like smoking in the castle and i kind of felt like this is like a historical space i can't believe you're smoking around all these couches yes it's still totally normal to smoke i guess like around like side if you can if you think about it really didn't become crazy here until like a decade ish ago you know it wasn't that long ago like i just was like this that couch is like 300 years old i mean how could you be getting you know cigarette smoke into it how awful everything in there and they i'm sure there's been so much worse has gone on it's got like blood from decapitations and shit

on the couch you know like things were way worse before like a little smoke will kill and it's just annabelle anyway yeah that's true no fleming was smoking too actually oh she was yeah she was and then they go into the well once julie juliet gets there she's like they go into dinner and uh again just everything caroline fleming says just makes me laugh she's like, they go into dinner, and again, everything Caroline Fleming says just makes me laugh. She's like, can you smell the red cabbage? Can you smell the cabbage? And then my favorite

thing in the episode is how she kept pushing the aqua V on everyone. Is it aqua V or aqua V? It's aqua V, right? Isn't that a great flavor? Isn't that the greatest flavor? And Juliet's barfing in the corner. I was proud of Juliet for even taking the shot because it was something that she didn't know.

You know, it wasn't like a cup of mac and cheese or something that she could down. It's like, wow, I did it. I'm growing. Well, that's what happens when you go to church every night. You grow, darling. Isn't that a great flavor of religion? When Luke, the song for this one was, I'm getting ready.

Every, I think they got ready in five times, or they got ready five times in this episode to eat. And every single time it was like, I'm a girl getting clothes on to eat food. Girls wearing clothes to dinner. I'm not an eating clothes on to eat food. Girls wearing clothes to dinner. I'm not eating food in the dining room. I'm going to have it in bed because I said so. Luke.

And Luke tells Annabelle. Annabelle is in rare form. Okay. Annabelle shows up looking gorged and not looking like she just snuck out of the bathroom snorting something so i give her a lot of shit for that but tonight she didn't look like that at all she looked totally herself really beautiful stunningly put down was that a posh put down that's like a plain old white trash put down my my great great great great great great papa did that one time at a gas station it caught caught on. Doing it ever since. But yeah.

Yeah, she didn't look like all drugged out of her mind. She looked like just depressed as hell. So I was like, welcome home, darling. And she comes in and Luke, they're sitting around before dinner and Luke tells her, I don't want you to be offended that I'm saying this, but your tits, darling, I've never seen your

flesh. She gets all uncomfortable and everybody's looking at her like, darling, you're showing skin. You're alright. I know, they're all putting on their sunglasses as the glare of white destroys

their eyes. They're like, no, it's radioactive. So much alabaster. So much alabaster. So much alabaster. I decided until my book comes out, I'm going to start a new business and open a pastry shop. No, it's pasty, darling. My bad.

I'll go put on a shawl. She's like, I'm a snowman. I'm a snowman. There's the truth. Do you want to build a snowman? Oh, darling, please let it go I'm built I've been built

Please Stop kneeling under my door Stop it Do you want to build a snowman? I am the snowman, darling Now piss off Well you know, if it was truly like If Annabelle were in Frozen, the song would go like this Do you want to build a snowman? And she off well you know like if it was truly like if annabelle were in frozen

the song would go like this do you want to build a snowman and she'd be like no and the song would just end and then there would be like a slam on the door that hit the little girl in the head and she falls backwards yeah non-elsa She's like, oh, okay. So, Fleming is, they just keep showing a little bit of Fleming, and she'll just give one little soundbite of, it's wonderful to see my friends in the home of my family. And then they'll cut to whatever. And then it cuts back to her ten minutes later.

My family. Friends. And this one was, I'm so delighted that I opened my world to my friends so they can see where I'm coming from and realize I'm the richest one here and they better respect my ass. I'm not just some woman walking around barefoot making Frito pie with her hands. All right. I earned that barefoot nature don't you feel like Caroline Fleming's grandfather was the bad guy in Ghostbusters 2 who came out of the painting, that's what I feel like

like if they're not nice to Caroline if they're not nice to Caroline Fleming like a whole bunch of pink slime is going to come out and they'll have to think happy thoughts until it goes away that's actually a good point. Maybe she's just doing all of this to see if she can. She's like, my family won't speak to me. They think I'm trash.

I shall bring a reality show, 70 crew members, into the castle and just try and make them kick me out so all the paintings will come to life and murder them all. I shall be the only heir. I became friends with the paintings at tennis camp. The first time I threw an orange at great uncle, uncle, baron, baron, baron Heathrow, he caught it in his mouth, and that's when I knew

I owned this castle. Dun, dun, dun. So, at this dinner, the buffet style, I couldn't believe it. We're going dinner. The buffet style. I couldn't believe it. We're going to do this buffet style. To all the Americans here, we call this the Golden Corral.

We have that. No, this is literally a corral made out of gold. That accidentally fell on the Queen's great cousin, the Duke of Belford. We are now the Bafferts of Corral. So stupid. So dumb. I know, but you gotta make a Golden Corral reference.

Isn't it a great flavor? So at one point, so they're all sitting around, they're talking, and Julie's like, Julie says, oh, i love it here and then annabelle they cut to annabelle laughing like like like she's some novice like she's never been in a castle before or whatever and somehow this like is like there's the jump off to the beginning of the tension of the night and i didn't quite understand that i kind of felt like that was

a moment of editing i feel like julie just said something relatively benign and then they just took an instance of of annabelle laughing haughtily which is what she does and they put them together to make it seem like oh now it's beginning i wasn't totally convinced well annabelle is very single-minded like she's pissed and she's been pissed now for you know days which to us is weeks but when she's pissed she just gives that surly look and smokes really deep and gives people disgusted looks and laughs yeah yeah so i mean it was coming no matter what and all these girls really riled themselves up i think more than any other show they really have these private meetings first and they're like that girl's coming after you get her and they really show up at dinner

ready to go you know and marissa's always sitting there with that game face where it looks like you know how dana cowan from top chef that's always sitting there with that game face where it looks like, you know how Dana Cowan from Top Chef, that's who she reminds me of. I finally figured it out because Dana Cowan's very nice and they have the same face. I mean, they're years apart, so sorry, Marissa. But they have that same face where when they're happy, they're like, delightful.

I would love to put this on the cover of a magazine too. You're a disgusting human being and a dumb bitch. And I'm sick of kale. Yes, like there's a very dark anger that can come over both of those faces. And so now to me, she's Dana Cowan, top dog. So what I loved

is that, so Julie's feeling awkwardness from Annabelle. And so Luke gives her this ridiculous pep talk, and he's like, well, you were under her wing, alright? And now you're blooming, alright? And now you're a bird. And she's a bird. You're like both pep talk and he's like, well, you were under her wing, alright, and now you're blooming, alright, and now you're a bird, and she's a bird, you're like both birds,

and you're just like two birds in a flock, and sometimes the flock goes two different ways, and then you're all flying around together, and the birds get hit each other, and then there's a window, and you don't see the window, and sometimes you get hit yourself, but you know you're birds, and that's alright.

I think of it this way, if I came into the bedroom in the morning, and Caroline was sitting there waiting for me, and I didn't have any makeup, and I just sat there and stared at her. She would think, why aren't you doing my makeup? Do you understand what I'm saying? She's like, no.

What's makeup? All right, let me put it this way. If Caroline came home and I didn't have my hands in the toilet trying to get out of Barbie doll that one of her daughters got stuck down there, She'd ask me, why are you being lazy? You're a bad friend. Does that make any sense? No! Alright. Your last call is, I don't know. Have you ever bought a dish towel

and then your entire employer staff stops using it after they wash their hair? How do you think the dish towel feels? She's like, I use paper towels. I know, I'm a terrible American. He's like, never mind.

You're screwed. Yeah, he was trying to give her good advice. He was assistant coaching. And then Caroline came right in, because none of this stuff was really said behind anybody's back anyway. Like, it was said in front of her face, but it was her back to her face.

So I don't know. It was a very strange, awkward confrontation that wasn't really a confrontation, but sort of was that happened that I almost couldn't follow because everyone was, like, talking about each other, but not really. Okay, here you go. I'm going to speed through this. You'll love it. Marissa asked Julie what happened. Julie, who said Annabelle's up my ass? I said you were up Annabelle's ass.

Annabelle, would you confirm? Okay, so this was so good. So Julie's getting defensive because Marissa's like, yeah, but remember in the van when Caroline was saying that you're up Annabelle's ass? No, that Annabelle's up your ass. And she's like, wait a minute. You said that Annabelle's up my ass? And Caroline, no, darling.

I said you were up Annabelle's ass. Isn't that what I said, Annab ass isn't that what i said annabelle is that what i said you heard and annabelle goes well actually you weren't saying it to my face you were saying it behind the dot dot dot and what you said was you were up annabelle's ass but now you're changing side and annabelle's up your ass which is deeply amusing and caroline's like yeah i don't know what I said. And Julie's trying to get it straight. She's like, wait a second.

So I'm up her ass, but then change sides now up your ass, but then an ass? And what? Wait, who said I was whose bitch? Oh, I said that you were her bitch, but now that you're not her bitch, because you've got job balls and confidence, but you know, you were a bitch. I'm a bitch? No, her bitch. Really?

What? And you know, since this is England, a bitch i'm a bitch no her bitch really what and you know since this is england this is the equivalent of like the brawl of that opened up season three of real housewives of new jersey where people punching and fighting and tables going over this is that equivalent in england what did you say i believe you i believe i said you up her ass you know no no no she's up my ass i'm up her ass oh i said that you said that No, she's up my ass. I'm up her ass. Oh, I said that. You said that behind my back. All right.

So that's what it is. Oh, okay. Who's up whose ass? That has got to be one of my favorite all-time housewives fight. Wait. I'm up whose ass? Am I a bitch or up an ass? They can't even get their logistics.

This is why it's so British. Because they want to make sure they get their facts straight before they get angry, as opposed to Americans who will just, they prefer to have their facts totally wrong, so that way they can apologize afterwards. And meanwhile, Caroline Fleming is like, they're having it out in my family home. No one fights in the castle. That's so disrespectful. How could they do that in front of the Aquavit with its great flavor?

Isn't it great flavor? Mm-hmm. It's great flavor. Keep fighting, girls. I'll be having sex with a 16-year-old in the ballroom. There's some red cabbage being braised. Does anyone want that? Would that soothe the tensions?

Don't you smell the cabbage? There's no time to fight when there's cabbage in the air. So this turns into the ass-talking thing. Okay, now's where they get long, so I don't want to go into all these. But I just wrote down, this is hilarious, because British people have a way of separating themselves from their emotions to a point that they're just basically, like, sports announcers, but about their relationship.

And it was hilarious. Because Caroline and Annabelle start having this fight, like, trying to sell julie on who's making her a better person or something and it was like two coaches going at it caroline's like now listen here i have seen a different julie ever since you've come to my team i've seen a julie who goes on town with that bike and doesn't worry about it i I see a Julie selling her jabolts to high bidders. I don't see a sad little Julie who needs to hide behind lamps

with flowers on them in croquet bitch sessions at Grandmum's house. She'll go, oh well, here's what I see. I see a little wussy Julie, a little tired wussy Julie who can't even take a cigarette without coughing and who can't even stand up to an awful witch like Caroline.

Well, here's what I see. It's like two coaches talking to Julie fight, and Julie's like, Really? All right, where am I on the field? Where am I? Yeah, I know. Well, I love that Julie, I think she says in maybe the interview, she's excited because she's like, I've grown balls. I'm like, since when did you grow balls? You can't just tell us that you grew balls.

You didn't grow balls. And then Caroline literally says, this was one of my favorite moments of the episode. Caroline says, I think you believe in yourself now. And Julie says, this is a direct quote, yeah, I think that, I mean, yeah, definitely. There's another cat meme. There's a cat poster right there. It's like a really happy cat, but totally insecure. She's like, yeah, I totally believe in myself.

I mean, I think I believe in myself. I mean, I want to. I just don't know. Can I believe in myself? Okay, hold on. Does anybody have a phone? I'm calling the staff at the sandwich shop to ask them if I should believe in myself. Julie, all right.

Let me put it out for you this way. I believe that you believe in yourself and i think you can go right into that kitchen right now and you can make some hot chocolate and not burn it really your children will no longer tell my children to tell my nanny how much your food sucks darling i'm gonna do it! And Juliet, meanwhile, is like, wow. She's like, there's so much bad energy, it's about to come to heads. Yeah. She's like, no one's yelling at me, so golden crowd. Yay.

Caroline also said at one point to Julie, she goes, because Julie said, what do you mean I'm strong? What do you mean? I mean, do I look strong? Because yoga. I mean, am I strong? And Caroline goes, darling, you've become strong because you're around an awful group of people. Yeah. And just like walking on glass, eventually your feet stop bleeding and grow calluses,

which you've done to your soul. So congratulations. We'll keep throwing rocks at you until you're fully strong. Thanks, guys. Now go do a slow headstand. What? Now go try and do a slow headstand. What? Now go try and do a tree while we mock the fact that you can't do it. I know.

Well, so meanwhile, Annabelle just had enough of Caroline. So now her real erudite, aristocratic ass comes out. And she's like, regarding Caroline, she's like, it's like a cow opening its mouth. You sound unattractive and stupid and then luke's like you've got grass on your face mom wiping wiping your face off you have some chocolate mousse on your face mom so annabelle is now looking like she's staying calm but she is gulping down the cigarettes it's like watching dorothy come at you very slowly with a bucket of water getting ready to throw like she's ready to melt but she's not she's not winning

she's not admitting defeat yet and she's like heaving out cigarettes and leaning on the table and it was just the visual of it was cracking me up because there cannot be two wicked witches okay there's one of them gets crushed by a house and then there's a good one and a nice one okay so you but those bitches are fighting for the top spot it's like a wicked competition yeah well um when we come back from commercial break it's the morning and now caroline fleming's bitch flower has come to full bloom because everyone has everyone has slept in. And Caroline Fleming is furious because breakfast is at 10 and it's 10.30

and everyone's still in their bedrooms. And she is going down the hallways, waking everyone up. It's rude not to come down for breakfast. It's rude. It's rude. What happened to the girl who had a bucket of lollipops on her bed

with barefoot, you know? Yeah, totally gone. Air free. Like they didn't even do this in the west indies they woke up and we told them to and then they choked on almond butter get to breakfast now like she turned into a nightmare and then sophie now you know who the real queen bitch and all of this is is fleming because everyone is terrified i I mean, even Sophie and Caroline, and those people would take down Hitler with a few bad words. They'd be like, your face is hideous, your techniques are

heathenistic, and you're you've got bad breath. And he'd be like, oh, I'm quit. Okay, drama, stay. I care self. Get out of my country right now. They are afraid of Fleming. Sophie's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, darling.

You're totally right. You're totally correct. You're right. It's rude. Rude. And I'm still sorry. Still sorry, mom. Fleming, meanwhile, she was like, Niles has been in there.

He's been cooking for an hour. I think it's rather rude. I think it's rather rude that you don't come down when he's been cooking for so long. It's rude. I'm like, you don't care about the help's feelings. You're just hangry right now you just want your bacon all right she's just in control again it's like a woman who's been given everything and treated like a well i mean she's not a princess but she's got a title i guess that means that means something

so she's you know she's treated like that her whole life and she's got a bunch of people who don't give a fuck and she's like what are you doing don't you give a fuck give a fuck it means when you're grounded into the earth it means you give a fuck about a flaming my god calm down over there no one cares like congratulations on your gigantic castle that's not in london darling and you're one person following you around it doesn't count another country all right enjoy it while you're here because when you get home you're just another mac and cheese making mom and you know bare feet and giant things on the dining room table. Yeah, you think you're special because you play tennis in the ballroom? Well, guess what?

In England, you know what they play in the ballroom? The Olympics. No. Well, there's only one person who can kind of bring Caroline Fleming back to earth. And that, of course, is Caroline Stanbury. Because Caroline Fleming is like, well, you know, I would never do this if I was a guest at someone's house. I would never act like this.

I would never do this. And then Caroline Fleming is like, well, Caroline Stanbury is like, well, I wouldn't be a guest at someone's house normally. I was like, ooh. Yes. She's like, that is why I don't put myself in the position of being a guest ever. Meanwhile, Marissa was loving this. She was sitting there like she had the top dog hot dog grin going on because she's like, oh, good.

Now everyone sees that Caroline Fleming is a bitch and I'm not the bad one anymore. Yes. And like anybody who grew up with siblings knows the biggest brat wins. So you've got one brat throwing a fit, Fleming, and then you've got the bigger brat who just shuts down the other brat. So it's like she can't be a brat again until the other Caroline, until poor Caroline goes back to being poor and poor face.

So then everything settles down. And then after breakfast... It's all Luke's fault. Luke should have woken me up. That's what she said. I just got to that. Luke's like, I did wake her up, but I had to bring a shovel

and take the cheesecake off her face. My parents are coming, and I don't want them to have to wait. Oh, no. Here we go. I cannot wait for this. So, the thing is this. Last week, on the previews for this episode, we see

footage of Annabelle getting a terrible phone call that has her going, and she's crying and everything. Didn't we suspect footage of Annabelle getting a terrible phone call that has her going, oh my god. And she's crying and everything. Didn't we suspect, or maybe it was me, that her friend Liam died? I thought her time Warner got cut off.

Oh. But where will I watch Knitting Channel with Grandmom? Please. Someone broke my tea kettle. But anyway, it looked like a big awful thing had happened so here it is the moment comes she gets the phone call

she's like what what oh how awful oh what did they say that oh oh like oh my god what happened she's like it's the daily mail they're doing a story about

Alexander how could they there's so much gossip like oh my god what happened and she's like it's the daily mail they're doing a story about alexander how could they there's so much gossip about him how could they do that in the daily mail yeah she said a couple of funny things in there i'm sorry to say they're funny but she just makes me laugh because she goes yes but when people call you and they want to talk about these things you're supposed to say no and then she goes to the closet and she's crying oh sophie darling i'm sorry to cry you haven't met this me this is closet crying me shut the door darling be shut the door you telling so then sophie goes out with the girl the girls and it's freezing and it's more hats they're gonna need so many suitcases

just for these fucking hats they've got like 10 hats yeah so they're walking around outside and sophie's like darlings just so you know if annabelle breathes smoke in your face punches you and then tries to snort the necklace right off your neck it's because she got a call today from the bailey the daily mail and everyone's like bullet points they're like no we all know how she hates bullet points. She only likes shots, not bullet points. So yeah, she tells them about all the drama going on. And apparently, so there's some book written about Alexander and there's stories that were never told.

They got quotes from someone because Juliet's like, yeah, but the only people they would be able to talk to are like his friends. So like, they're not going to tell anybody because then Annabelle will be mad at them and that's no fun like who's gonna ever go to a party and be comfortable again she's like they got quotes like oh no his muse was really sharon stone yeah it was it was like i mean i understand being like annoyed and frustrated but she really she was being over over. Well, we already know so much about him. I mean, it's not like anybody thinks he lived this really innocent

life. I mean, he was pretty like, he led a pretty dark life. I don't think there's any huge mystery. Everyone's like, oh my God, this is going to kill his dead person greeting card line. No one's looking to him

for a positive card to send your grandma, okay? And, like, everyone knows that he was a little rough around the edges. He was an artist, darling. He was. So she shares all this, and then Caroline Fleming's like, thank you for showing that with us. Now, how about that aqua-v?

Isn't the flavor just wonderful? Would you like some aqua-v? That might help with the situation. Isn't the flavor just wonderful? Would you like some aqua V? That might help with the situation. Isn't it just wonderful? And everyone acts like Annabelle talking about it is this huge thing. They're like, Annabelle's opening up. Finally, here's Annabelle opening like a little flower. Listen, Annabelle's always opened up.

You just have to know what to talk about. Annabelle or Alexander. Or how much Alexander loved Annabelle. That's it. She's opened up like a zillion times have you guys watched this show well I love all of them you know when people are asking you about Alexander you just cannot talk to them

unless they're a reality TV crew who can mince your words about he died five years ago but now he's being killed how can you kill a dead person? I'm so upset at people. There should be a lot killing dead people. People are like,

yeah, I agree. Posh put down. Darling, no one knew him like you did. All right, now let's get, that's all she needs to hear. He liked you best, darling. All right, now we're going to go eat some flour

that has been stirred in butter for 16 hours by Niles. How lucky are we to have some red cabbage right now? We're ready for some red cabbage. Red cabbage right now. It's in the air. Is that red cabbage I smell, or is it your story souring? All right, let's all get up and move on. Put a Duracell up your bum.

Oh, my favorite story about Alexander McQueen was when he went to that restaurant that he loved and he wanted to get five pounds of Comte cheese and they didn't have it for him, so they went all over Copenhagen. They brought it to him and they said, here it is. Oh, wait, that was about me, wasn't it? How lucky am I?

Oh, I love the statue that they made in the center of town of great grand, grand, grand, grand, granddad, dad, dad, dad, Alexander. Oh, I'm sorry. That was me dying. Sorry. I was so grounded in your pain that I projected your pain onto my marvelous present. Oh, hugs. your pain that I projected your pain onto my marvelous present. Hugs. So next we go

feel bad for Fleming at Dead Mom Visit. That was so sad. That was a legit, that was a very sweet scene. I almost wanted to make fun of her when she hugged the urn. She's like, it's huggable. But I was like, no. It's a huggable urn.

Some people would call this a tagine. But mommy loved Moroccan food. Every once in a while, I come braise her for a bit and then leave for three years. It's like, oh, this is so nice. I love a tagine. It was a really sweet moment. And it is kind of cool.

I mean, as much as we're making fun of Caroline and all this stuff with her castle and the ballroom, when she's walking through this chapel and all these people from her family, like the Middle Ages, are buried there, it's cool. I mean, you do get a sense of there is a huge lineage there. And I had to genuflect a little bit in my brain. Oh, yeah. There is a huge one. And most of us don't even know it like those uh websites that tell you all about your family tree when people do those they will they're

like on the floor shocked at where they come from i don't know i mean i there was like a big long hallway of lebanese people in my sithi's house so i i've seen lots of lebanese people i can imagine that my my big castle would be just like lines of of Lebanese people on the wall looking down at me like, you're half Ronda. I feel like my ancestry.com would go back a hundred years.

I'm Jewish from Eastern Europe. I'm sure they're like, Jews, you don't get to have records. Be gone. My great, great, great, great, great, great jiddi was the first head waiter of Lebanon. And that is why I shall serve the rest of my life. 20%! Oh, spirit hugs.

So that was really cute. And she actually made Stansbury kind of cry, which was so awkward. I was like, please, just fast forward. Clear the dead mother. Clear the dead mother. Clear the dead mother. Thankfully, we are at a girl-powered dinner getting ready for dinner song again. I'm getting ready for dinner because your parents are coming.

And we're eating with your mom because I'm a girl. So this is a black tie affair because the parents were coming, as you said. So we meet Caroline's father. His name is Baron Nils Krabbe Jürg Brochdorf. And then we meet her godfather, who is Count Previn Alefels Lovig.

And then her stepmother, Mollis Jürg Brochdorf. Yeah, that was a humongous family with long names and really nice clothes from a long time ago. and they were so old school which i loved actually especially the count you know he really seemed like he came from downton abbey the way he would talk i mean that total i mean beyond upper crust you just don't

have anything in america that could that compares that like effortless wealth and title you know yeah and also just the general snarkiness of everybody. Like everybody makes jokes. Everybody mocks each other the whole time. And it's really fun. I was like, Oh, family hugs.

Mine is like that too. Yeah. And you know what actually cracked me up? Because again, Annabelle's always like, I'm saying rock and roll. I've got bangs. I hung out with Alexander McQueen.

Rock and roll. I know fashion. The moment she gets around the titled people and the wealthy titled people, she is very quick to be like, I'm part of you guys. I am an aristocrat. Let me tell you about my mother's title and let me tell you a fun story about

my mother's title. And oh yeah, she slept with the king or whatever. She was like, hello gentlemen. Let's talk about shooting titles. And those stories were hilarious because they were again all about killing other people and then getting their title. And then they're like, oh, and she's like, yes, I have a title, too. I'm a Marquesa. And my mummy was walking or something like my father's father, father's father, granddaddy, father's cousin, Marquesa, was having an affair with a woman and he wanted the husband, so he

murdered him. Well, it turns out that the husband was powerful, darling, and that's how we got our title. It's like, oh, she just had to sleep with him in the first place. It all came down to getting us in the end. Rock and roll title, darling.

Yeah, I just thought it was very funny that she immediately went to her aristocratic roots have you ever been short before gentlemen they're like oh no are we a duck she's like i've been short i've been shot straight in the ass well didn't your husband help you i don't have one oh crazy what a rebel that means you're on the market hey she's like i literally am yeah she's like no let's talk about mallards do you have any lamps that you'd like to polish together and tell stories about killing other people to gain fame and fortune oh i love you where have you been all our lives bangs that was so so fucking cute and i just wrote carol i'm not caroline rock and roll i wrote i forgot her name

for a second but rock and roll uh is so much more comfortable around old people she's just one of those people that sees a senior and she goes right up to them and it's like let's talk for 10 hours because regular people suck okay well that's why i always get annoyed with her always being like i'm so rock and roll because it's like you know you may like rock and roll things but stop calling yourself rock and roll because you're basically just like an old fart. You know, like you're not old. If you think about it, so is rock and roll. Yeah, but she likes, you know, she likes all the pomp and circumstance of like all the stuff that rock and roll is supposed to be rebelling against.

She's totally like a part of that and she loves it. And so she should just embrace that because that's the best side of her. to that and she loves it and so she should just embrace that because that's the best side of her yeah but you know at the end of the day you still got to be around like-minded people and all the rock and roll people from her time are dead now because they were so rock and roll it's like she was so not rock and roll that she's still living and she's stuck with gran you know so the people she likes are just like old people you talk to them for a while about whatever you want they fall asleep there's none of this like you can say the same alexander story 30 times and no one's gonna get sick of that shit she's like bring me bring me an old time award i shall walk

down and tell stories until people die rock and roll so then they go to dinner they all get together for dinner and by the way i thought luke looked fantastic in a tux good for you luke yeah good for you i love that little luke i think he's a sweetheart and he's a really i really enjoy a gay that you bring along as an accessory but they can also give decent advice and he calls it correctly when he told julie that stuff about well now you know now you're not hers anymore and she's upset darling you have to be nice i mean that's actually really good advice that was true yeah julie couldn't see it like i really like that guy. Sweet.

We like Luke a lot. I feel weird saying that, but I do like him. He's one of the best gays on Bravo. I love you. I'm looking at you. Huge dinner. Gigantic family. So Fleming and Marissa have a moment. They're like next to each other and

Fleming is doing this whole thing of like, you know, when we first met, I didn't know you very well, but now i feel like we are very close and you know why right did you catch why okay so marissa goes over to her and i'm staying in this scene don't worry i'm not changing she goes right over to her and she's like hi hi this is great you know in her whisper voice that she does when she's being like whisper mom and she touches her arm and she's like how was today in that voice and she's like darling the depths of my soul today and the feelings of mummy really it was important and i've only been

there three times in all this time and there's a reason for that and we got cut off we didn't find the reason so that sucks well the reason is because it's tough for her well there's a yeah but there was also so much drama like so she's hinted at all this drama that's going on but she won't tell us exactly what it was like her family every day that I'm going to visit mummy there just happens

to be a sale on Pink Himalayan Sea Salt what's a girl to do mummy didn't raise someone to skip a sale, darling. Mommy loved a po-faced po-person. So she's telling her this stuff, and she's doing it in that... I'm not ever going to make fun of someone's mom being dead, but she takes that very, like, Mommy, it was very difficult today.

You know, that faux sincerity thing that she does and marissa is totally listening to her with her own mom faux sincerity and they're both like kind of having this battle of faux sincerity and then realize we can both pull off faux sincerity really well and she's like darling at the end of all this you listen to my mommy monologue i like you now and that's all it took and she's like now i like marissa she listened to me and i was like that's all you need you see that mommy voice works yeah she's like i feel very close to her now what she listened to my story she wins i would like to announce this people nigel remove the gigantic pink trees from in the center of the table darling he's like sorry like, sorry, ma'am. Curse.

Oh, that's right. Never mind. All right, everyone. Let's climb to the top of the centerpieces and have a toast, shall we? Well, what I liked is Marissa was like, you know, I appreciate her for who she is. And she's like, you know, a total bitch.

I really respect her now and fear her because she's really rich. So that's my lesson for the day. So then Marissa gives a toast. And I was very scared. I'm like, no, Marissa, please don't give a toast. You're American. Just don't.

She's like, you know what you guys need? Some hot dogs. Toast to hot dogs. So she's like, well. Meanwhile, I'm giving her some crazy points. She's like, well, you know, first I fell in love with your sister. And then I fell in love. I came here and I fell in love with this castle and this place and this country.

And then I fell in love with your father and this count. And I fell in love with Niles in the kitchen. And I fell in love with a bed. And there was that shrunken head. I fell in love with that one, too. And then I fell fell in love with a bed and there was that shrunken head I fell in love with that one too and then I I fell back in love with your dad again and I was there anything I didn't I fell in love with the table here and then there was that staircase

I love the staircase is there anything I didn't actually got to know the shrunken head yeah shrunken head's great too oh and also you and you but then most of I fell in love with you that's great you liked everything else then finally you loved Fleming like, that's great. You liked everything else.

Then finally you loved Fleming. And Fleming's like, oh, you listed me in the same order as the rest of the family. Thank you, darling. You'll fit right in here. Yeah. Yeah, Marissa giving a toast was really cute. And of course you love her. She's rich and popular, darling.

I love Fleming. I love Fleming. i actually really like everybody on this show we make fun of everybody but this is one where i legit actually like all of them yeah i mean the beginning of the season a little down on marissa because it seemed like she was being um persnickety but she is persnickety but i like that i like that about her and i like that juliet's such a dum-dum and she's like so insecure and like and i like that jul I like that about her. And I like that Julia is such a dumb-dumb. And she's so insecure and like, meh. And I like that Julia is so insecure and nervous and worried about pleasing people. And Annabelle doesn't give a fuck about anything except Alexander.

I loved finding out that Annabelle has Alexander as her Twitter bio. I mean, stuff like that. You just can't replicate shit like that. That's pretty amazing. I love the show. All right. So now after the dinner dance um which by the way i wanted to ask about manners here because yes yes you know i have none first of all and also marie's with his hands yeah they're all talking about manners and caroline fleming is so worried that mommy and daddy will be there and what about the manners and then the first thing she does is she's like,

Julie, darling, my great-great-granddad-dad-dad killed yours. I'm like, why is that worse than talking about your feelings? Talking about murdering somebody's family member is okay as long as you don't talk how you feel about it. I know. Isn't that funny, Julie? Isn't that funny? It's almost as funny as this Aquavie that you're drinking. It has a funny flavor to it, doesn that funny? It's almost as funny as this aqua-v that you're drinking.

It has a funny flavor to it, doesn't it? It's quite good. I like it. Well, people don't eat sandwiches that are alive, so... Thanks! Julie, have you ever thought that we could merge our families and you could serve a red cabbage sandwich? Think about it. What a wonderful flavor.

We've wanted to merge the Montagues and the sandwiches because, frankly, Craigslist doesn't bring good help for Nigel anymore. And you're very good with a mixer. Julie, do you smell that? That's properly cooked hot chocolate. It has a wonderful smell. Do you like it?

Julie was working with Niles, who accidentally dropped a KitchenAid mixer on her head. And now we are the Fleming Tagus. Oh, what a wonderful story. Okay, so now they're in the ballroom doing some kind of dance competition, and Sophie is just shit-faced, falling on the ground drunk, dying.

I've taken so many screenplays and gifs of this. And then Annabelle's like, that Sophie can get pissed. I mean, I like her. She's a nice girl and everything, but she can get pissed. Whoa! Like, hello, rock and roll. That's called rock and roll over there. The one on the ground,

alright? You know, she's not doing the proper box step. What does she think she's doing? This is rock and roll. This is rock and roll. This is rock and roll. She's so pissed she forgot how to waltz. Rock and roll, Sophie! It's like the 80s equivalent of sniffing a line off a Duke's arse stunning. No, excuse me while I do a fuckshot to Mozart.

Rock and roll! So Sophie and Julie, I guess, are both wasted. Who knows with Julie? fuckshot to Mozart rock and roll so Sophie and Julie I guess are both wasted who knows with Julie she's always acting kooky who knows but they get wasted and at one point Sophie is so drunk they're like okay darling let's move to a different room like that's

gonna change anything so they move her and she sees a mirror and she goes up to the mirror and she goes I've never been so sweaty in my whole life. But I'm still hot. Oh, thank God. I'm still hot. Love it.

How lucky are you? She is still hot. And you know what's funny? In that scene, I noticed something about her face. And this is not to shame her or anything like that. But I always think that Sophie is just so beautiful. She is so hot. And I guess maybe she didn't have as much makeup on,

but for the first time ever, I saw her face, and I was like, I can imagine what she would look like if she had a little mom haircut and dowdy clothes, because she's probably in her early 40s. And it's like, because she is wealthy, she has this beautiful, wonderful hair and this wonderful dress, and it makes her look young and sexy.

And if she was poor and dowdy, she would look so much older wealth really does make you look young it does oh hell yes of course i mean that's why all these housewives bitches are afraid of being poor i mean most of it is just that they have hair and makeup people life is not worth living once you've gone from that just to waking up and going to whole foods in your underwear basically like yeah and i'm not saying that she looks old or that she looks ugly, but you know, the other day I was in Flood Rockers, as one does, and there was a girl walking through.

She probably was 24. She had a mom haircut and a baby hanging off of her chest. And she looked like she was 37. I mean, styling matters. Oh, yeah. Good for you, Sophie. You look good, girl. Keep it up. We love Sophie. Also, everybody else out there, don't have children. They just ruin your life, your face.

Or a mom haircut. Please don't get a mom haircut. I love the style. Well, moms who actually have to be there and take care of their children get mom haircuts because the kids are always pulling it out. And you're getting barf in your hair. And you're getting, you know, it's like it's utilitarian. They're not doing it for fashion reasons. Here's what I say. Get a swim cap, stuff it up there,

and then take it off at the end of the night. But don't get a mom haircut, please. Get a wig, darling. Let them bath on the wig. Or better yet, a butler. Just get an intern. Everybody start your own home business and just be like, I need an intern to take care of my baby.

Valentina, let the baby pull your hair. Valentina. Next week, the scenes. Now, I didn't write down all the next week. Don't worry, because we're trying to tighten this time up. But next week, the best is that Caroline has no job now, so she has to be at home with her children. And her daughter is like, I want more, Mommy.

She's like, darling, that's enough. Stop eating. No, I want more. She's like, ugh, fatty. Mike, next week, Caroline's child gets an eating disorder. Girl power eating disorder. And I'll be excited. Ladies of London can never skip you.

Love you like crazy. So good. So good. Also, we can't skip because we have another huge show coming up this next week because we have Real Housewives of Atlanta returning. We have the Real Housewives of Beverly

Hills preview that was on because you know we have to talk about that. That was just released. The trailer. The trailer, yeah. And then, what's the other show we do on that day? Vanderpump Rules and Ladies of London. No, we don't do Vanderpump Rules. We don't do Ladies of London on Tuesday, do we? You're right.

I'm sorry. So, yeah, we've got another big week full of lots of crazy nothing to talk about. Oh, Apres Ski. Oh, no, we're skipping that week to do something else. We talked about this. Anyway, we'll talk about that off the air. You guys don't have to listen to that shit. Who knows what we'll talk about.

Maybe, you know, how about this? Why don't we discuss Opryski a little bit in the bonus episode? How about that? Amongst other things. Amongst other things. Well, we'll see how it is. I'm not ready to commit to Opryski. We're going to lose 50% of our subscribers.

Wait, what? That's what, yeah. I'm like, no, yeah, you don't put the best stuff there. Well, I'm not sure if anyone's committing to that show yet. We'll have to see how the crazy flower blooms. Did you just say Afrisky is the best stuff? No. We'll figure it out, everyone.

Just listen. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did on accident. All you guys have to do is just show up, and we'll take care of the rest. Yeah, just show up. Come over to WatchWhatCrappens.com to find our latest episodes. And also, feel free to go over to Facebook.com slash WatchWhat What Crappens and talk crap with us all during the week. And Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens for subscriber extras like the weekly bonus episode, ringers, and hangouts and all that good stuff.

I can't believe it's already November. Amazing. Oh, my God. Everybody, we love you. So fun. This was such a fun episode. I'm glad we did it, Ronnie. Me too.

I'm glad because I was like, ah, let's just wait until next week. And you said, no, it's worth it. I was like, they're in a castle. This episode is just too funny. Worth it. It's not even that the episode was so funny. It's just I knew that it would make us laugh just joking about it. Yeah.

To us, it's funny. It was one of the good ones. Lucille Ball. Church room. All right, right everybody we love you thank you so much for listening to the show and for your support and always for talking back to us online we always love that stuff so you guys have a good one and we will see you next week love you bye bye hey prime members you can listen to watch our crappins ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen to Watch What Happens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts.

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