Watch What Crappens - #2361 Below Deck: Cat’s Cry-dle

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

We’re back with Below Deck recaps, and what a week to return. Brace yourselves for lots of instability, some very predictable goodbyes, and a very drunken bosun breakdown. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Howdy and welcome back to Watch for Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is my favorite captain, Captain Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hello, welcome to some adventure time. We are back with some below deck recaps. I think we've had like a little bit of a below deck hiatus for about three weeks. And you know, we've got traders going on. We have a lot of stuff going on, but you know what?

We're back with below deck. And honestly, I was pretty happy about it. You know, this season has actually been quite good and we're excited to dive into it. And I know I have some comments. I don't know why I'm saying that I have no comments I have zero comments but I did I have been really enjoying this season but before we dive into that want to remind people that we are doing a lovely exclusive small show in LA for Netflix as a joke

we it's so fun we get to do these really big fun venues but for Netflix is a joke. It's so fun. We get to do these really big fun venues, but for Netflix is a joke, we're going to be doing the Cuckoo Bar Lounge in Hollywood. So the reason why I'm sort of telling you that is because it's smaller, it will sell out faster than a normal venue. So just wanna let you guys know, go to watchwhatcrappens.com to get your tickets

for to see us in Netflix is a joke, May 3rd before the tickets are gone. There's still tickets available. So don't worry. I'm not trying to scare you too much. And then we're going to Europe. We're going to have a show in London. We got a show in Dublin. We got a show in Birmingham. That's later in May. Ronnie and I are starting to put together our little trip. It's going to be so fun. I can't wait. I'm really excited. So go to go our website, watchacroppas.com for. Um, so go to go to our website, watch a crap is.com for that. And then you can also at the website,

you can join us on Patreon where you can watch us, not just listen to us with crap is on demand. Um, you can see Ronnie's beautiful office and you can see my beautiful fake office on my green screen. And uh, you know, we have a weekly bonus episode this week on the bonus episode. We are going to be talking about not necessarily recapping, but talking about the first episode of Top Chef. We are entering the post Padma era. I have concerns. I mean, the show will be great. The show is still great. I just have concerns about Kristin as a host. I just, you know, she's never struck me as a particularly non-wooden person.

So we'll see. I don't know. Listen, it's a tough act to follow. I mean, Padma showed up to her first episode of Top Chef ever in a bikini and a fur coat. So, you know, it's gonna be tough. It's gonna be tough to top that. And I don't think Kristin's even gonna try,

which is kind of the thing, you know? She's just like, I'm just gonna be myself. No, don't be yourself. No, Padma created the template and we need, like I need a Nigella, I need a Caroline Fleming, I need someone like that, you know? Yeah, I think your Caroline Fleming was a great idea. Yeah.

You know what? However, that did not work out. So we'll see, we haven't watched it yet, so we'll see, you know, give her a chance. Yeah? She deserves a chance. We will totally give her a chance. Anyway.

Whereas this is Top Chef, you only get two chances. So you have two episodes. Everyone else gets their asses kicked off this show when they suck, you only get two chances. So you have two episodes. Everyone else gets their asses kicked off this show when they suck, so get prepared, ma'am. Wow. Dear Kristen, please pack your knives and stop trying to be me. Signed me.

So now we go to below deck. So Jared, this is a very sad episode because we lose a couple of people and we didn't really get the time to. They literally died on the show. It was so sad. They're dead. And we didn't really get enough time to mock them because we just ignored this show and we ignored this show because the show features too much cleaning. And so when we have other things to do, we're like going to put off the chores. That's always what you're going to do. You're going to put off the chores. Yeah. And what you're gonna do. You're gonna put off the chores.

And we did and then we didn't get enough time to spend. And now I miss the people who left the show today. I know. And got viciously murdered. Well, we actually, the biggest thing that we missed was that we missed Eileen. Eileen, the charter guest from hell, the drunkard from hell. She, you know who I'm talking about?

She was the lady who was on the last charter who was like, I'm gonna have another cocktail was the lady who was on the last charter who was like Your good thing you're cute cuz you suck at your job She said that to Jared she said something like that to Jared and he fully Spiraled and never pulled out of that spiral for the rest of the season like Eileen basically caused Jared to get fired You know like he was like like, cause she was such garbage. You know what I mean? She was just such a trashy person. No one would look up to Eileen and think, wow, I really care what that woman's opinion is. You know what I mean?

That woman was a colostomy bag of a human being. She was, um, she just broke everybody into, she really did. Did including her face. She fell out of the hot tub and just fell right like that should have been a concussion. She was up and ready the next morning. Cause you know, she does that every day. You know, she does that every time she she falls out of her above ground pool, you know, and she probably got the same reaction that she gets from the neighbors as she

walks her dog down the street, which is just a beers being thrown at her. Now this beer, she threw it herself because she fell down and her she threw up her beer and then it landed on her back. But I was like, well, that's what you deserve. I love that karma is just even throwing a beer at your stupid ass. This woman was horrible. And in her last episode, she was like, so Barbie, where are you doing this? Where are you doing this? And Barbie's like, well, I do a lot of things actually. Like one of my jobs was I was a bank teller. She's like, disgusting. She's like, well, I do a lot of things, actually. Like, one of my jobs was, I was a bank teller. She's like, disgusting. So yeah, one of them I was like, I worked in

retail. She's like, Oh, God. Eileen was just a terrorist of a human just gross. Eileen makes me embarrassed to be a Dave Matthews fan, because you know, she has people over every Saturday and they hang out in her basement and she hands up here and there's like a cloud of smoke and she puts on Crash into Me and she's like, you got your wall, you got your chin.

Come on everyone, you know the song. It's on to me, ta ta. You know, come on, sing along everyone. And you're like, oh God, Eileen. I literally almost said, come on Eileen, I'm embarrassed for myself. You know that's what life is like being friends with Eileen. She forces you to listen to Dave Matthews

in her smoky, boozy basement every single Saturday. She reminds me of that lady who was like, I'm a boat person. And then she jumped in the water and Captain Lee kicked her off. Oh, God, Dolores. And then, um, you know, the thing is, Eileen was so bad. She actually distracted from the primary on that trip who was also a terror. She was a terrible, terrible woman. And, um, Eileen was so bad smell of glassware. She's like, I only like the smell of the world destructing slowly.

Can I get something made with global warming? She hated everything. She was angry at everything. And then what, she started to eat her food before everyone else. Oh, she ate her dessert before everyone else or something like that, because there was like a timing issue.

And then she was like mad that like, everyone was like upset that they had, like that she ate before them. And then she's like, fine. And then she went to sleep that like everyone was like upset that they had like that she ate before them. And then she's like, fine. And then she went to sleep early. She was a terrible. Yeah, crying. She's like, I can't take this.

I can't take this. The biggest pain in the ass in the group. One person is sarcastic with her and she just starts crying. She folds. Right. It's a great season. Great charter.

Awful human beings, terrible, disgusting human beings. And you know what? I think this show was kind of built to bring on horrible people and then publicly shame them. Because it happens now all the time, where these people think they're gonna be stars and they start checking social media for every account to see what everybody's saying about them.

And everybody's like, fuck you, die. And then they find out where they live and they work. I'm sorry, I'm bringing up what she's going to pick up. Eileen did that to you. Eileen just showed you invisibly. She said, you shut your mouth. You shut your mouth. She just had her hand around your neck.

Turns me into utter gutter trash. So yeah, it's a public shaming platform. So I'd like to thank Below Deck for the service they're giving the world. Yeah, so meanwhile with Jared, so like there have been some chemistry with Jared and Barbie, but then Barbie realized Jared was Jared. And you know, to be fair, in the beginning of the season, I thought Jared was getting the, the,

the edit that he was, um, he was not good at his job, but he was just like, he was like a really nice, like sweet guy. He was just trying to figure it out and Ben was undermining him. But then you realize, no, no, he's like totally inept. He was like, he's the total disaster. No, there's no excuse for Barbie. And it made me it worried me for Barbie because Barbie seems so like intelligent on every other level. And granted she did catch herself, um,

before she went down this path, but she fell for Jared. This is what made her fall for Jared when he was like, yeah, well, you know, I got a kid, but I never seen her, cause she's in Alaska. It's real hard for me to call my kid, cause you know, she's in Alaska, so it really hurt. And then he got wasted, and she's like, that's the guy for me, I'm into him.

Yeah. Is there any hope for Barbie? I mean, the fact that that was what attracted her. Yikes. Yeah, he was he was he just got he had like one moment where it looked like he was improving and it looked like okay Jared is like figuring things out and looked like Ben was gonna be like the big villain. But then it turned out no Jared. He was like last episode they were trying to dock the boat and he's like all right you've got a you got 15 meters sorry 450 meters sorry one meter I'm sorry

your french fries your french fries are your two biggie size french fries away from the dock sorry cap I meant to say tennis racket sorry we're actually in open sea there's no dock nearby your bus length away kept a bus stop bus stop bus stop bus stop rectangle you're the size little stop sign that comes out of the bus it's not like casual is the kexplata up we hit the dock we hit the dock sorry cap hold on let me try to let me try to text my my daughter hold on. Hi, it's your father. Oh no, I got rejected again.

How is every other person able to call home? In the history of Bloduck. Yeah, there's something fishy about it at this point. Do you think he's lying about having a daughter? Do you think that they blocked his? Maybe, or maybe they blocked him. That would be hilarious. If all this time he thought he had bad reception,

but he's just being blocked. I mean, it's sad. Sad, but hilarious if you think about it, because he's so dumb. I can't feel sad for Jared. Because he's one of those who's like, yeah, I don't react in the best way. I'm trying to make up for that now.

So basically he probably pulled a below deck special, which we saw on the show when Danny got pregnant, remember a few years ago, and that douche bag who impregnated her because he was tall. Like she was like, oh, you're tall, impregnate me. That guy, when she got impregnated, why do I say it like that?

So clinical. When she got pregnant by that guy, and then he was like, that's not even mine. And then his mom was all over social media, like that slut, that wasn't even my son who did that. She tried to trap my son. She did not try to trap a deckhand like literally no one in history has tried to trap a deckhand ma'am. I'm still triggered by that. Look at me. I'm mad. Yeah, but that's what this guy I think did. I think he had that reaction and then she was like, fuck you,

I'm moving to Alaska. He definitely did. And now he's playing the pity card so he can still get laid after being on TV and being like, ugh, they just won't let me see her. I just, I feel really bad about what I did and I just, I miss her every day. It's the highlight of my week. I'm like, I don't, you know, if it was the highlight of your week, how about make it like your week

and move to Alaska and get a job up there? They have jobs in Alaska. Exactly, get the fuck on an oil rig. Yeah, they have boats in Alaska. Work in a Starbucks. Work in a Starbucks. They have boats in Alaska, it the fuck on an oil rig. Yeah, they have boats in Alaska. Work in a Starbucks. Work in a Starbucks. They have boats in Alaska, it's fucking Alaska. Yeah, yeah.

Just work somewhere in Alaska by your daughter. Cause that's the thing, it's not like he's tied down to a career in like New York City. He literally has a very mobile career. So, mobile yourself out to Alaska. So he sucks. And anyone who's out there like, don't parent shame. Fuck off.

I'm allowed to parent shame. Why should you be any different just because you're a parent? I'm only allowed to shame single people? Is that another thing that we're giving to fucking married people or people who are parented? Like you get special rights already, you get tax breaks, you get everything else and now you get free

from shaming from the public? No, I'm sorry. I'm single and i reserve my right to shame your ass okay listen if you're a parent and you're upset at us parent shaming because we don't have kids well congratulations because you are now no longer allowed to have opinions about things that you've not lived yourself okay so you can't have opinions about being gay how about that how about that so uh the point is that we all have opinions about a lot of things. What'd you say? You can't though, have an opinion about being gay.

No, that's what I'm saying is that like, people have a lot of opinions about things that they have never personally experienced and that's part of life. And if parents don't like that, they just have to know that they are signing up. Look at how we're acting like we've been in trouble with parents.

Literally nobody is saying anything to us. You triggered me. You we've been in trouble with parents. Literally nobody is. You triggered me. You got me going in this path. You activated me. I triggered you with my imaginary hate mail that we never got. Literally we've never gotten in trouble with parents. Usually they roll their eyes and be like, oh you guys.

Cause they're used to dealing with giant babies. So that was the big news. And Kat, yeah, Cat's just been crying. Cat still hasn't fit in. Cat's a damn mess man. Poor thing. She's just an emotional wreck. Everything about her is just so sad. We got her parental story. Well, I think we recapped that episode. Yeah, we did. So that was super sad. So we already know her growing up story and why that's so traumatic. But then, you know, birds of a feather flock together kind of thing. And her friends are all a mess as well. Because that's just how you are.

My friends are generally very sarcastic and we mock it. You know, everybody, we all have like-minded friends and poor cats. I mean, I don't know if they just, they're like, hey, you want to meet up Sunday and get in the fetal position? That would be so fun. I know we get a little taste of our friends.

I mean, it sounds like they're going through some sort of emergency, a friend emergency, but also it was like, you're right. It was so like, they definitely cry to each other a lot. Like that is for sure. Messy is mess, you know? Yeah. And then the other stuff, the thing that happened at the end of the episode is that,

so Jared was having a tough day. He got yelled at by the captain. So basically after Eileen yelled at him, he went on a bender because he felt so embarrassed because this is the story of his life. So he went on a bender. Also because he's an alcoholic. Also because he's an alcoholic.

And he's going on benders every day, yeah. Also because he's an alcoholic. And he's going on vendors every day. Also because he's an alcoholic. And then Barbie's like, ew, gross. And then he stayed up late getting drunk. And then the next morning, he wound up talking to Captain Carrie and he was clearly still drunk. And it was funny because when I was watching,

I was like, is this guy still drunk? Because they didn't say anything about it. Like there wasn't even an interview with Captain Carrie saying like, I think this guy is still drunk. I was saying like, I think this guy is still drunk. I was just like, I think this guy is slurring his words. And then that night Captain Curry is like, by the way, you were still drunk this morning.

And I know you got what hanging on and you got going on in your personal life. Just like me, I'm learning Turkish on Duolingo. I just got a little owl that gave me a salute. So it's a lot going on in my life too. But you know what? You got to compartmentalize. You know, it's a job and you were drunk. Don't do that again. Listen here, I'm looking at you and you look a little ooly ooly or the Turkish people call it drunk. All right. I've been learning. So yeah, he's like, get your shit together. I get what it's like

because I had trouble one time and I was depressed and I built all the houses to be around my kid Whatever. So he's like, you know, I get it. He's like a little guy You know, maybe maybe the captain had highlights before he lost all of his hair, you know, he'd like saw something in Jerry He's like I love Bram Stoker's Dracula and your hairline really takes me back to that film Yeah because Dracula and the O'Hay line really takes me back to that film. Yeah, generally I think first impressions are the truth. I think if somebody shows up and gets wasted their first night at work and fucks everything up, that's just who they are.

I don't think that, it's usually not a one time thing. People are pretty repetitive. We wake up who we are every single fucking day. Unfortunately, and I'm somebody who wants to change, does not happen. Even medicated, it doesn't really happen. There's not enough medication in the world. Well, the point is,

Eileen sent Jared over the edge, so he was already fucking up, and then they were partying last night, and Barbie was rejecting Jared and he was upset and then Kyle, the Scotsman, he dropped his, he had a little pipe and he dropped it on the deck and he left tobacco on the deck, which is not cool.

And so Jared's like, so gross, because he's that kind of person. Kyle is so that kind of person. He's just gross. He seems very nice, right? He seems the nicest. He doesn't seem like a bad person. He can be gross on purpose.

Like that's his thing. He's got like something broken inside of him where that he's just like trying to be unlovable, even though he wants to fuck everybody. He wants to be unlovable enough to commit to or something. I don't know what his thing is. I'm still trying to gather my judgment on him, everybody. But he's just discussing on purpose. He can't, he's one of those people who can't just smoke. He has to roll. I hate that. And I get a

lot of people, a lot of you out there like, I'm rolling. Yes, you're very, very fucking, you're very fucking Renaissance people. Okay. All you parents that roll. Especially rolling on deck, where you in a hot tub, give me a fucking break. Don't roll on a hot tub. Just buy a pack of Marlboro's, okay? You're not better than anybody.

Your lung cancer isn't better than anybody else's lung cancer. Listen, we're all just waiting for Kyle to turn 65, so then we can say, well, God, I can only imagine what this guy looked like when he was like 22, and then we can look back at the show, be like, oh, wow, that's what he looked like.

You know? You know, there's some people you look at, you're like, did then we can look back at the show and be like, oh wow, that's what he looked like. You know, you know there's some people you look at, you're like, did this person ever look young? I look at everybody and automatically, that's my talent, is looking at people and being able to see what they're gonna look like when they're old. Yeah, but with Kyle you can really tell.

Kyle, he's just waiting to age into his face. You know what I'm saying? He doesn't actually have an old face, but his face is gonna be is gonna be the perfect It's built being old. It's right It's gonna look great old I don't know if you look great old but he'll look really like weathered in a way that'll be like a photographer will love You know like a photographer will get a black and white photo of him and it's gonna be in the cover of the New York Times

It'll be like Scotland's troubles with the recession. And it'll be him smoking a cigarette and you'll be like, look at that old man. He's gone through so much. What could he possibly even look like when he was 22? Oh my God, he just left a pile of soggy tobacco on the set. Okay.

Okay. Turns out he was only 30th grade. Yeah, he left tobacco spilled all over the place. And also Barbie is kind of giving Kyle a chance because she's decided she doesn't like Jared anymore, but she hasn't told Jared she doesn't like him anymore. So she's just kind of flirting heavily with Kyle or whatever in front of Jared, which is also sending Jared into a spiral.

And so this is going good, right? So he's wasted. So now Kyle, now what's her buns? Barbie is like, come to bed with me. So Kyle goes into bed with her and everybody's wasted and Jared sees the pile of tobacco. So he goes in and he starts yelling at Kyle. And in Jared's defense, Kyle does not give a fuck.

He's not gonna get out of bed. He's like, so what if I left a huge pile of fucking soggy nicotine that's wet that will leak and stain the deck, et cetera, et cetera. He doesn't care. He's just going to stand that right. And he deserved to get yelled at. He deserved to get whacked on the face with a wooden spoon is what he deserved. Yeah.

But it's just annoying because Jared decides out of nowhere to be a drunk boss. Like everyone was off the clock and the vibe was was basically, hey, we're going to party. We're going to have fun. We'll clean this up tomorrow. Now, don't like that. He left his, his, his tobacco on the deck. I think that's gross, but I can understand why he thought like, Hey, we're just letting loose tonight. We clean it up tomorrow. That's the way we do things around here.

Well the thing is tobacco really does like if you, if it's wet, it the tobacco stains like it gets it's like tea, you know, when you wet tea, it puts stain everywhere. And so you can't just leave wet tobacco. Wow. Well, that's fair. But but so so Jared basically is like, but but the thing is this is that Jared is becoming a dictator out of nowhere, not because he's concerned about the wood, it's because he's angry at his life situation and he's angry that Kyle is having more success with Barbie than he is.

So now he is on like a war path. And he's being loud. They wake up, I almost said Dr. Carey. They wake up Captain Carey and Captain Carey's like, oh, cool voice is down, we got an event shot tomorrow. Like, okay, sorry, Captain Carey. They wake up Captain Carey and Captain Carey is like, oh, cool voices down. We got an adventure tomorrow. I'm like, okay, sorry, Captain Carey. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap-ims commercial. Hey, grownups. The Cat in the Hat cast is a new podcast from Wondry perfect for the whole family. Join the Cat in the Hat and your favorite Dr. Seuss characters as they get whisked away on a new adventure every week.

Fish dreams of creating his very own polite and quiet podcast. That is, until he gets a surprise visit to his Fishbowl podcast studio from the Cat in the Hat himself, and it becomes very clear that the Cat has other plans for the podcast. And those plans are the opposite of quiet. Sing along to new favorite songs, try your luck at Titanic tongue twisters, have some fun with wondrous wordplay,

and most importantly, bring your family along for all of the adventures in the Cat in the Hat cast. Follow the Cat in the Hat cast on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the Cat in the Hat cast early and ad free on Wondry+. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Wondry Kids Plus on Apple Podcasts today. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault,

or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia. But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'll learn that that's the science-y term for eardrum.

We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WIKIHOLE on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WIKIHOLE ad-free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. So then they're still like cleaning up and everything. And Kyle like goes up to clean up, but then he doesn't clean it up. And then Jared cleans it up. And then Jared's mad and he keeps on popping into Barbie's room like,

hey man, man, you gotta clean up the tobacco. Come on, come on man, we gotta talk, we gotta talk. Okay, we're going to crew mass, we gotta talk right now. We gotta talk right now. So he tries to have a talk with him, but he's wasted. And also he's trying to get him out of Barbie's room. Right. Yeah. Obviously.

And he keeps like storming in there and he's hitting Barbie with the door because it's room. Right. Yeah. Obviously. And he keeps like storming in there and he's hitting Barbie with the door because it's a tiny cabin. And that's also you can't go barging into a little things grows. So yeah, the whole thing's not great. And so he finally gets Kyle downstairs and starts like, yeah, listen, man, here's what you gotta do. And when you work, you gotta do your job, man. You know, your mean? You gotta do your job." And then Captain Carrie comes in, and he's like, "'Oh, can I eat two decks, or?'

"'Oi, you upstairs." And they're like, "'Uh-oh.'" So he makes them go to bed, and Kyle is apologizing, and he's, you know, he's like, "'Oh, you're threatening behavior. "'You know, I haven't heard threatening behavior like that "'since there was a kang kangaroo who wanted into my snack mix in my glove compartment.

Little monster came in there, I punched him right in his nose. You've never seen such an adventure. Kangaroo hadn't fucked with me again since. Yeah, the last time I saw super threatening behavior, a kangaroo waved at me and said, good job. So I punched in the face. Turns out I broke my phone

because it was just a duo lingo animation. Learn right then, can't cross the lines between fantasy and reality. So he makes him go to bed and Jared's like, oh, that is wonderful. So now, Kyle goes back to Barbie's bunk and they're gonna watch Home Alone, like something really, really old.

Yeah, they're like kids, guys. By the way- Do you think it's kind of a red flag when someone's like, you wanna go to bed with me and watch Home Alone? No, it's like that Craig and Paige thing. It's like that, like, let's be kids. It's like a thing that people do. It's like that, like, let's be kids. You know, it's like a thing that people do.

It's like, yeah, we're innocent. I have to say also, well, the reason why Jared is also so terrible is because he's definitely the one who's totally inept at his job and gets yelled at. And in order to make himself feel like he's actually good at his job, he then just yells at whoever's below him

instead of actually fixing what's wrong with him. I hate that. Yeah, I can't just be totally on that side because the wet tobacco, I'm just thinking of the wet tobacco. And this is as a person who's left wet tobacco literally everywhere. You can tell when I've been,

back in the day when I smoked, you could tell where I was because I would leave wet tobacco stains ever. I was that person. So I get it, but I'm also like, oh could, he deserved to kind of get you all that. But he did. But I'm saying that like, but he was so like Jared, no, you're right. Jared, if Jared were a leader, he, what he would have done is he just would have cleaned it up. And the next day when they were sober said, listen,

I cleaned up your mess last night. I let, I didn't, I didn't have you do it because you're having a fun time. I want you to have a fun time. It's important for my boys to have a good time, but I don't wanna fucking ever do that again. That's what you do. Okay, yeah. And if you were a parent, you then moved to Alaska.

So it's the next morning and everyone's waking up. It's the normal kind of silly things. Fraser can't find his phone and Barbie's kicking Kyle out of her bunk and everything. And they're all sort of getting, they're sort of getting back into the bunks because another thing we didn't talk about is that Ben and Sunny had sex last night.

And Sunny was like really pissed at Ben, but of course she's like still down to fuck him, which I'm so sad about for her. I mean, look. I'm too. I really loved Sunny's like, I'm not gonna take this shit from him, which I'm so sad about for her. I mean, look. I'm too, I really love Sonny's like, I'm not gonna take this shit from some man, I'm gonna tell him off. And then she told him off, and then she's like,

yeah, he's still an asshole, so I'm gonna have sex with him whenever he wants. I was like, gross. I mean, whenever she wants to, I presume, but I just love him. Listen, if she's horny. Man, he's gross. If she's horny and she wants to get it in, then fine.

Like, I support that, but I just feel like, I just want, I'm with you. It seemed like she's got a standard. It's not like shaming, it's choice shaming. I just wanna make that clear. I'm not shaming your fucking, I'm shaming who you're choosing to fuck. To be fair, there are not a lot of good choices on this boat.

I would actually say zero. I don't care. You know what, that's why God gave us a posable thought. I was about to say vibrator. Let's get a vibrator on this boat. Okay. Yeah. So everyone's just like doing this thing. Literally in the Bible.

That's why on the sixth day we got opposable thumbs. Read it. So on the sixth day we got vibrators. So everyone's waking up and everything and moving around. And then Kyle sees Jared and they're like all friendly. Like Jared comes in, like pats Kyle on the back, like hey good morning bro, good morning. Hey you sleep well, you all right?

You doing good, you good? He's like typical Jared style to be like. Yeah, thinking about last night, not feeling like I handled it too well, you know. A lot of things on my mind, a lot of things stressing me out, man, but yeah, doesn't excuse that thing, messy things, God, you know, I gotta handle it better for sure.

Okay, you know, and this is why apologies don't work because people are so praxist at them. People like this are so, just fuck ups, are constantly fucking up and then constantly apologizing. I don't wanna hear it anymore, just. Yeah, we always know. Do better. I'll start listening to you when you've proven that you're going to make an effort

and get rid of those highlights. Take a good step in real life for me to ever listen to an apology for you. The other thing is that on top of that, he always has this sort of excuse. He then does the blowing into an invisible bottle face. He sort of curves his upper lip over his lower lip. Like that's supposed to show

that he's really thinking about things hard. Like, oh, I'm really mad. I'm really mad about this, but I could have handled better, but I'm gonna learn going forward. Uh. Uh. Uh. So now we see some flashbacks.

We see that basically, because yeah, he's talking about how much he's gone through, guys. So now we see some flashbacks. Yeah, he's talking about how much he's gone through, guys. And it's him trying to call his daughter, but he keeps getting message failure from Cricket Wireless. And then he's telling the crew he's never met his daughter, which is somehow we're supposed to feel bad for him. And then being awkwardly flirty with Barbie was just, I mean, it's just, it's cringy, but it's also a bunch of stuff you're kind of inflicting on everybody else. That makes no sense. So he's like, you know, and the line he told her, I could be mad, I could be sad, but every time I see you, I just end up being glad.

And she's like, gross. So then Barbie, back to present, Barbie is talking to Kat and Sunny about what happened last night, because she was actually there when Captain and Carrie came in. And she's like, yeah, Kyle dropped tobacco all over the ship, and Jacqueline started bitching him out.

And then Frazier was like, Barbie, you're the worst. Why does she always like that? Am I right, everyone? And Kat's like, well, that's good. He needs to check himself. I mean, the way he comes across is really not cool. Hold on, hold on. I don't even know why I'm crying.

Hold on, it'll pass, it'll pass. I'm just so alone. And Barbie's like, and then he like, he started coming in here and saying, shit, it was ridiculous. And Sonny is like, yeah, that's what we heard. Jared was like a total dick last night. So then Ben and Kyle are talking about the night.

Everything seems fine with the guys. And then Ben, Kyle, Ben's like, yeah, got some last night, basically. And then we cut to Ben and Sonny boning in the shower. Sonny being like, yes. And they're like, yeah, you did it last night basically. And then we cut to Ben and Sunny boning in the shower. And Sunny being like, yes. And they're like, yeah, you did it, you did it. So then Sunny is asked what she did and Barbi's like, oh yeah, I guess I got my answer

because you're not answering, yes. Imagine congratulating someone for banging Ben. I know. Are you supposed to be a supportive friend or not? Friends don't let friends bang Ben. Seriously, this is just, oh man, if this is what yachting is, if I ever had like a flight of fancy where I decided, you know what, I want to be a yachtie, this has truly killed it where like the exciting thing is banging someone like Ben.

So we go back to the crew mess and speaking of which, Ben is there and he's like, so we go back to the crew mess and speaking of which Ben is there and he's like so I heard you come you He's talking to Kyle because I heard you cut him down and Jared was yelling at you want to go So let me uh, can maybe bring some stuff up to captain if you want and cause like yeah There was a bit more going on there Benny I wasn't aware unaware of the fact that I'd made a myth before but I had even I had that opportunity to clean it Up he was on my ass. I'm like, okay, you definitely had the opportunity to clean it up. He literally told you three times

and you were lying there in bed. And he went back into bed after Captain Carrie yelled at you. Yeah, so Captain Carrie is like, adventure, I'm gonna call Carl up to the radio. Watch me do it. Call, call, Captain, Captain. Radio, radio, bridge, bridge is what I meant. Come to the bridge, bridge. what I meant. Come to the bridge

bridge." And he's like, all right, all right. So he goes up there and Jared hears it and he's like, Oh God, next is going to be me. He's right. It's gonna be me. Captain Kerry is building his case. Old fashioned firing case. He's like, well, there's a lot going on last night that I didn't see because I was doing a lot of Duolingo, doing really well with that Turkish. What I did see though is you guys talking loudly in the Korean mess and to me it seemed like Kyle was trying to deescalate the situation. I based that off the fact that I walked in and saw three quarters of a second of interaction and decided that's the narrative I'm going to learn.

So Jared has a history of getting drunk and bad manners and I understand he's gone through shit but I don't need time for it. Yeah, I think if this was Jared's first time, it would have been okay, but it's the second time, and he's wasted again. And Captain Gary clearly must have heard, like, it didn't seem like it was a very loud conversation, honestly, I feel like we've seen much louder fights

happening on these boats, like Kyle and Natalia on below deck med But if it was loud enough to wake up Captain Carrie, he clearly could have heard the like the the vibe of the conversation for sure Well, there's also camera crews following them around So every time they leave the room and storm out to the outside every time Jared would go to one room and then leave and storm Out back to the hot tub and walk in circles and then walk back They're always walking past the cap. You're right. Right? Yeah, they kept on showing that door he just hears people walking back and forth, you know, like a Buffalo stampede because you know, the cameramen aren't trying to be quiet and they're just trying to find follow this drunk around

So I think he's I've heard of waltz and Matilda but not w Waltzing a camera crew. This is ridiculous at this point. So then, um, now it's time to talk on the bridge. So he's like, I need you to be honest with me. Do not hold anything back. If a kangaroo stole your car keys, would you A, ask politely for them back? B, knock them in the knees of the baseball bat? Or C, knock them in the knees of a baseball bat. C. Knock them in the knees with a baseball cap. And then tell them to give you your goddamn keys back before they dive adventure.

Alright, one more question. Is this a knife or is this a knife? There's only one right answer. Kyle is like, okay, here's what happened. So Jared, I'd left a mess upstairs, right? But we were all drinking, right? And then he gave me a chance to get up in the morning. And I said, you know, I'll correct it.

I'll correct it in the morning. Right? And murder. And then we see that he's he's questioning everybody on the boat and it cuts to Barbie. She's like, um, yeah, he was like really, really upset. And there was like a mess, but like, Carl was like, I'll just watch a movie with you. And then, you know, I was watching Home Alone

because I really liked that mostly because my dad's rich. And so he'd left me home a lot. He's pretty high up at Coca-Cola. Don't even ask why I work here. I have nannies, like five of them. Oh, and then Derared, Dared came in and stormed into Barbie's room. Barbie's like, oh yeah, and then they were trying to give me a French braid and I was like, you're the cook, not the nanny.

And she's like, I'm both. And I was like, wait a minute, where's nanny? And then I was like, you stupid robbers, how did you not see the bowling ball about to fall on your head? And then Kyle, like we didn't even make out but he couldn't stop doing this, put his hands over his cheeks and his mouth wide open. It was crazy, it's like the guy's never seen Home Alone before. To be fair, you shouldn't be bringing that many people on a trip.

Reminds me of the time we left our chef in the airport just to fuck with her. She cried and cried. I had her passport in my purse, which was Chanel, which I bought myself because my first maid job was at 12. I really knew how to raise him. And I swear when I found out that that man across the street was actually a kind old soul, I cried and I cried and I cried to this very day, Captain Kerry, I cannot stop. Wait a minute.

Barbie, did you feel threatened? Yeah, I mean, not having a cook and a nanny who's trying to give me French braids with croissants? Yeah, I was pretty threatened, Captain. Barbie was terrified, but I told her, don't worry. Robbers will never get onto the yacht. And then they did. I said, don't worry, Barbie.

I set up several life-size figurines in the salon that will go around on a train track just in case pirates see us from afar. So I said, Jared, go back to your room. And he finally did. But unfortunately, he fell over a tripwire which sent a bowling ball sliding down the stairs over the stair rail into a cup which tipped over a long line of dominoes which ended up going one by one until they hit the switch of the hot tub which ended up turning over the hot

tub which tipped over all the water which fell on Jared's head right as he was touching a light switch and he got electrocuted but he didn't get any of our China that's for sure but more importantly was he drunk he was wasted captain that's it get him up here so I like that the captain was like did you feel threatened no I mean the guy was just yelling about tobacco and Barbie was like uh no you feel threatened? No, I mean, the guy was just yelling about tobacco and Barbie was like, uh, no. He had to ask that because Jared barged into her room.

So like, that's no good. You can't do that. That's no good, you're right. Yeah, that's no good. So yeah. That's no good. That's no good. I just, it's just to the point now on Below Deck where you have to ask that question because generally, yes, the answer is yes. It's just to the point now on below deck where you have to ask that question

because generally yes, the answer is yes. It was very threatening because people that you guys hire on the show are fucking terrifying. And I don't know if there is no, I know Norma's staffs, but does Norma not do any background checks? And we actually know Norma now. We can ask her because we're like buds with Norma.

So we need to get Norma on here and be like, Norma, where the fucking background checks? How do you have terrifying people on here every single season, Norms? So now we go down to the laundry room and Zandi is checking in on Kat. I love Zandi, by the way. I absolutely, like everything she does amuses me,

like everything. I just, I adore her. So Zandi goes and checks in on Kat and she's like Kat are you okay and Kat's like I feel alone you know but like I know I'm surrounded by people but I'm like I'm like not comfortable she's yeah well that's what they say about yachting sometimes never alone but always lonely sometimes you know how it is people say I don't want to die alone. Well, I've got news for you. You're going to. Because everybody does. You come into this world alone. You come into this world alone. You leave alone. And according to what Bobby was watching, sometimes

you're home alone. Be careful of tripwires. Okay, enjoy your laundry. Don't put the cologne, don't put the aftershave on your cheeks, please. Thank you. She just leaves Kat crying behind her. Maybe Kat isn't experiencing the other end of Home Alone. Maybe she is Katherine O'Hara. Maybe Kat woke up in the middle of the night when... Kevin! So who's Anthony? That's the chef. He's the one. His storyline is chef.

His is like the one year anniversary of his dad dying like last episode. So he was like crying and dedicating his meal to it. And it was like cute because he keeps on calling his referring to his dad as daddy and he's like these ones for you daddy so all that he wanted was west once in miami oh daddy daddy it is for you daddy so um so the captain passes eminy he goes how are you captain he goes doing captain shit oh. Yeah, good. Yeah, no dumb. I'm quickly running out of options with the Jared. He's made quite a few fuck ups. He has released heavy equipment at the dock without permission and he's made

several mistakes in docking and the alcohol doesn't help at all. I hate when people say that. That the alcohol doesn't help. Yeah. Judge yourself. Okay. So I consider alcohol very helpful at times. So montage of Jared's fuck ups. Okay, yeah. So we get he's like, hey, he released heavy equipment. Remember that? Ben just said it right now in his line. So we see him doing all that stuff again. And messing up. And so the captain's like, this morning you're still drunk, you're hungover.

And I don't want that person in a leadership role doing it. And this guy's shocked. Right. Shocked. Is he talking to Jared or is this still a memory? This is a memory. And then now he goes, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And my primary responsibility is the safety of the vessel and the

crew and learning Turkish. And this guy is really creating a problem for nothing. And my primary responsibility is the safety of the vessel and the crew and learning Turkish. And this guy is really creating a problem for me. He's really an impediment to adventure. Okay, so what happens next? So now Fraser walks up to Barbie and asks Barbie, like he's like, so what happened last night? And Barbie's like, um, Kyle was in my room and like out of nowhere, Jared like busted into my room and just like slammed the door open.

I'm like, unless you're my nanny, you cannot do that. And Frazier's like, hello. Yeah. And then he almost hit me with the door. Hello. Like this isn't your room. You know what I mean? Hello. So this isn't your room. You know what I mean? Hello.

Sorry, Bobby, I was actually talking to the provisioner. Very hard of hearing. So now Captain Kerry calls Jared to the bridge and he's like, so I had a discussion with you and the group yesterday about how we're supposed to have a good time in these here times. Not getting drunk, not embarrassing the boat. All I wanted was for you to have a makara, which is an adventure in Turkish. This is the second time you've gone on a piss and had a bad behavior. You're in a leadership role. You can't be acting like that. You've gone, you've gone on a piss and had a bad behavior. You're in a leadership role

You can't be acting like that. You've gone you've got to be above the fray and Joe goes, okay Next the way you've been traveling the way you've been treating these guys is not acceptable and we had discussions Okay, I've tried to guide you I've had compassion but you got shit on you got shit going on mate all right you signed up for cricket wireless but you're using a Verizon film what the fuck is wrong with you? You wonder why nothing will work do you even know what a digital SIM card is mate? You're using the phone upside down by By upside, I mean, it's like the display's on, just face it outwards. We're not supposed to see the digital part. Now listen here, you're a mess of a human being.

You're a sad sack. There's not very much hope for you. I would suggest going into roofing for the time being and possibly getting rid of the cricket, which is cricket in Turkish. That was an easy one. Wait, can I try that out? Okay. Uh, I'm sorry, which apparently means I'm sorry in Turkish. No, you can't do that. You're real for like it disaster.

That's, that's the new below deck. We need not adventure. We need below deck disaster. I know. Well, they've been showing that commercial for 911 for like four months now, just an overturned cruise ship. I'm like, at this point, the commercial's been on as long as a below deck season. They could have the captain from below deck down under on cause he's always crashing into.

They could just be like, you know what, lean into what you do best, which is crashing into docks. Okay. Really, let's be honest, it's probably Captain Glenn. Okay, because he's the one who's actually crashed twice on the show. Well, you know, the boat, unfortunately, came apart in the middle of the ocean,

and Gary was eaten by a whale, but we still got Daisy. Well, she's got one leg, but she's still Daisy. Is it going okay? Well, unfortunately, you know, like our engine is just still being held together by toothpicks and and You know bubble gum, but you know Collins said it wouldn't crash but I guess it crashed but it happens that's yawning So Smiling Listen listen the way you guys, okay.

You got shit going on, mate. You need to depart the vessel. So Jarrod's like, so I'm getting the boot? He's like, yes. When he said that, I started laughing out loud. So, is he getting the boot? Like, yeah, he's like, oh, thank God.

All right. Actually, I feel great. It feels really good. This is so, I was thinking two things. First of all, this is not millennial because we've been doing this show so long. It used to be back in the day, it was like, oh, these millennials, right?

But now millennials are like old and hard-working. They're elder millennials. You know how Gen X, like I'm Gen X, and Gen X went from like, we're the slacker generation, and then now look at us. Everyone's like, oh, they'll put anything together with tape and just make it work. But we used to be known as like the laziest generation.

I know, Gen Xers now are like, every meme that Gen Xers post is like, we work hard. I'm like, yes. You're like, oh yeah, no one raised us. We're the last of the latchkey kids. Yeah, all that bullshit, which I don't even know if any of that's true. But, you know, just the stereotypes.

It's always like these millennials. But now the millennials are like hard workers or whatever. And now it's the Zoomers that everybody's on. So I have to, my whole point in that big diatribe, which led to nowhere, was that I'm sorry millennials, I will switch it to Zoomers. So now let's move to the Zoomer. Wait a second.

This is so Zoomer of both him and the person that gets fired later in the episode. They're so traumatized by life, by fairly simple life things. And I don't know what Kat's life thing is. I'm just, when I say her simple life thing, I mean loneliness in general. They're so traumatized by the things

that go into their life. Loneliness is not simple. It is, I mean, it's normal. It's a normal thing. It's not like some elaborate, you know, traumatic thing. It's like, you feel lonely. That's like a normal human thing. You know what I mean? She was in a cult. She was forced into a religious cult. Currently, I mean, she's both cults who didn't have a post Well, I'm not saying her teenage years

as a foster child in a cult were normal. I'm just saying, currently, she's on a luxury yacht. She can't fold a towel because she's lonely, is what I'm trying to say. Right, right, right. But, see, I'm Gen X, Ben. I don't give a fuck, okay? Well, I'm a latched-key kid.

Is there a difference between Zoomers and Gen Z, or Gen Z Zoomers? I think Gen Z became Zoomers once they found out what Zoom was. Like Gen Z meant something once they found out what Zoom was. Like Gen Y became millennials, right? I don't know. Something happened.

I'm so confused. Anyway, this isn't making sense. Let's just let me finish it because it's like we're gonna be here all day already. So this is just so whatever generation they are, this is so them to be so traumatized that they can't do simple things like not let the not let the fucking anchor down at the wrong time, or not fold a towel correctly. But they can't do it without crying. And then the second they get fired, I feel like anybody else would be like fired in this economy,

how am I ever going to move out of mom's house? But they're like, Oh, thank God. Okay. Thanks so much for having me by everybody. And then everybody got something. They're like, congratulations. I'm getting fired girl. Yes. Well, because all of them sign up for a job that's way out of their ability and they realize, Oh, I found, I found the limits to what I can and I'm to do, and I no longer want to do this. Like, this is, I feel liberated. I am no longer in this hellhole right now.

So he's like, he's like, wow. And Captain Curry is like, well, you know what, you got a lot going on for you. Not career-wise or personality-wise or romance-wise, but you got a lot going on. And you worked hard for your, but your head's not there, mate. I mean, your hairline is already halfway out the door so the emotional

side of your approach to the job is just not where it needs to be right now there may not be great memories in your life mate but you do have highlights yeah yeah so well this you know this isn't the right place for me to be at the right time. That's what it is. It's not the right place for me at the right time. It's like, there you go. That's a good workaround that you can tell all your buddies why you got fired off this

television show. Just go on, take that line and go. So this place is basically, this boat is basically like Alaska is what you're saying. Yeah, it's the right place at the right time. Yeah. A place you'll never be in. Correct. So he's like, take this time and work on yourself. Me keeping you here is a disservice.

He's like, oh, oh, I respect. Thank you so much. That's so nice of you to fire me. Thank you. Thank you. God, you're such a good person. Kerry's like smiling wildly because he realizes he found a way that he could calm this guy

into thinking that this is actually a good thing for him. Jared's like, that was so nice, thank you so much. Yeah, I feel like it's just cool. You're the best captain I ever had. This was amazing. Guys got fired. Thank you, Goldwatch, anybody? It's amazing.

You know, sending him home is not gonna be easy for the rest of the crew in the short term. It'll be hilarious for all of us, don't get me wrong, it just won't be easy. Because we'll be a man down. But long term, it's the right decision. When someone's distressed or they're acting out in a way that's not fair to the crewmates or the boat or it's not safe, they gotta go.

Or as they say in Turkish, hold on, they gotta go oh get malaria Gerekiyo listen here's what I say to anybody who can't handle it you need to make like a tree and I rely Mac working on it listen the owl just gave me a salute, so I know I'm getting somewhere. Boo-boo. So, Jarrod's like, hey, Barbie, good news, I got fired. Isn't that amazing? She's like, oh my God, congratulations.

He's like, yeah, yeah, you know, it's too much on my mind, you know how it goes. You know, like my head's not here. I mean, it's not, it's true. It hasn't been since day one. Where's my head, am I right? Only head that's really been in the game is the head that's been looking at you those whole time,

you gorgeous piece of, all right, just go now. Just go. All right, Ben, Ben, Captain, Ben, Ben, Captain. And so Ben runs up there and he's like, hi, what's up, what's happening, what's going on? And it's like, oh, a couple of things. Jared's leaving and we're gonna be down a crew member. Although not really, if you know what I'm saying,

am I right? It's like, we've always been down a crew member. Just had a drunkard on board. Am I right? I would laugh about this yet. Hey, can you handle being the boasting on the boat? And Ben's like, do hot girls keep fucking me inexplicably? Yes, I can. He's like, great, because if I've got to leave this joke with one person down, can you handle it?

He's like, 100%, Captain. He's like, Ben is a natural choice. Generally, he's sleeping with his underlings already. Wow. Yeah, he's got all the requirements to be a bossan on Bravo. He sleeps with his underlings, he flat irons his hair, and he mansplains and he doesn't clean up the splooge after he's left it all in the bathroom. And he undermines those who he's threatened by. Pretty much. So congratulations, Ben. So Ben is like, finally, I'm able to show Captain Kiri what I can do. I know I can do this job. So now everybody's giving Jared like an office

goodbye party. They're like, Oh my god, you're amazing, Jared. It's like, I'm so excited to leave everybody. Thanks. You know, that provisioner was sitting there on the dock with her arms It's like, I'm so excited to leave everybody. Thanks. You know that provisioner was sitting there on the dock with her arms crossed like, good luck to you, sir. Remember when he like she yelled at him? I brought you some yellow towels on your way out. Fucking asshole. Perhaps a more professional tone would get you farther in this conversation. Dick. I love that the provisioner went all of this. Oh, I love when she yelled at him.

So now he's gone. She's just standing on the dock, dropping tobacco leaves slowly as he walks away. Clean these up now, won't you? So now, so Jared is like, yeah, I thought I was in a good head space before coming into this. And I'm like, I'm really now, I'm like, as much as I would like to be,

I'm just lying to myself. Although the situation sucks, I actually do feel a bit lighter. Yeah, my last words for St. David are, damn, I'll miss you. See you down the line. Like, well, that's profound, I guess, not really. The last words are, hey, could someone help me

with this bag? No? Okay, cool, bye everyone. Okay, so it's a meeting and the captain announces that Jared's out of there and that Ben is the new boss. So they're like, yeah, man. And then we see just General working and we see some Fraser deep in his job where he's like, all right, hello kiddos.

That's my new thing instead of calling you girls or honeys. So I'd like to show you how I do this pillow, all right? I pick up the pillow, I fluff it, I pancake it in the middle. Do we get that girls? Alright Kiddos, I learned kiddos from my old mentor Captain Lee. You're doing quite well, Mr. Olander Goddamnit Now kitty cat may ask you a question girl. Is this a pillow or is this a pancake? She's like a pillow or is this a pancake? She's like, a pillow.

Good job. You can stay girl. Stop eating it. Don't eat it. Don't get it out of your mouth, cat. Please, cat. Try to give you a death sentence, cat. She's like, I'm just so hungry.

Stop clutching it. Stop clutching the pillow, cat. All right. I'm hungry. You're ruining the pancake party. Hello, tug. All right, cat. We'll have to just remove it. Okay, Kat. All right. I'm hungry. You're ruining the pancake party. Hello, Tuck. All right, Kat. We'll have to just remove it. Okay, everyone. Okay, now the next thing I like to do

when I fluff the pillow is I like to do a top heavy plump dump. Zandy goes, sounds like me. By the way, I really want Fraser to release like a pillow tutorial. Cause I remember last season he had like a tip where he like lifted the pillow a certain way and then tucked in whatever

and I don't remember what he did. And then it looked like he was giving good tips here and I just really want like just do like a pillow Instagram video and that would be really helpful. In fact, I don't even know why. Be a pillow influencer, but you wouldn't be the first pillow influencer on Bravo.

No, you would not be. I also don't know why there are not just like cleaning tips from the stews on Below Deck that they just release. Because I think that'd be very helpful. Like why do they not have a book of like how to clean your house like it's a luxury yacht? Like that seems like the most obvious thing. Like here's how to treat wood.

Here's how to treat surfaces. Here's how to make a bed in a way that's like a a seven star service. Why do we not have that? I would totally buy that. Yeah, I wouldn't. But I would buy it for you, because I support you and I love you.

Thanks, thanks. That sounds like bloody hell to me. So Sunny is talking to Ben. She's like, are you nervous in your new position? It's so hot. And then now we get a preference meeting. It's Ben's first preference sheet meeting. And Kyle's burning his feet upstairs

because he's barefoot on the teak. Yeah, well, that's the revenge of the teak. So he's like, all right, good day, good day, good day. All right, we have Leslie Gardiose. She's a mortgage loan officer from Northern Virginia. And her husband, James, and a close-knit group of friends are here for adventure! They want Mardi Gras, they want surf and turf.

And then we get a Captain Carrie adventure moment. He's like, Carrie Cow is the next Ireland North, and it's one of the most beautiful and sexy beaches on the planet. Unfortunately, it's also one of the most dangerous. The color of the water changes from deep blue to turquoise. It's incredible. And before you know it, you see what you think is a little eye. And then it's a giant eye. And then it's a squid. And its arms are coming out. And it's getting to you. And then you pull out your knife. You stab it. You got it, you're cropping all your,

you're wearing around your neck. No squid ever fucks with your bone ever again. Welcome to Carico. Adventure. So, and then they don't want French food, which makes Anthony sad. And then they wanna do a murder mystery party on the second day and all that stuff.

So they get to work. And Kyle is, you know, it's like cleaning, cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Anthony's feeling pressure, Kyle's feeling pressure. And now it's nighttime. And now they're all sitting together and they're having dinner together. And Kat's like, so did you guys ever get the birds and the bees talk? Cause I didn't, I kind of like missed that a little bit. And Barbie's like, I didn't even know what bees were.

I tried to hold one one time and it stung me and I was like, ow, and they're like, that's a bee you fucking idiot. Also you shouldn't fuck, you're going to get pregnant. And I was like, what? It's so confusing. I just can't help but notice there are no birds or bees on this boat and I just feel a little lonely. So, Barbie's like, oh yeah, I got like a whole drawing

and everything. It's like, my mom's like a sex therapist. She's like, what? Like, yeah. She had like a bunch of these like sex dolls for like her guests, not guests, like clients, you know? Patients, you know? So she had all these things.

Like there was like no line between me and my mom, like I don't talk to her about anything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, stop, stop. What? Your mom's a sex therapist, so she had sex dolls for the patients? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't think it's- Is that a thing?

I don't know. Maybe anatomically corrected dolls, perhaps. For what? For them to fuck? For you to, what's happening? To show where to touch, to generate pleasure. You know, it's probably like when you want to touch her labia, make sure you put the two fingers here and then put your tongue here.

And then you insert here. It's probably like a very clinical, cold, non-sexy experience. Oh, the therapy that is. God, I'm so glad my mom's not a sex therapist. She was bad enough as an aerobics instructor. I could imagine my mom trying to ronda-splain sex to me. No thanks. It got dark. Here's where you're supposed to put your dick,

if it works. Okay, sorry, I'm traumatizing myself. Barbie basically would turn to her mom for sex advice and everything. So everyone finishes up. Oh, so Kat is in her room and then she gets a call from her friend Megan. And Megan's like, oh my God, oh my God,

I know you're busy, can you answer, can you answer, can you talk right now, please, can you talk, Kat? Kat's like, oh my God, yes, yes, yes, yes, what's going on, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my gosh, she's not answering, oh my God, no one else is awake right now, do you have a couple seconds? I'm freaking the punk out, oh my God, yes, yes. Oh my God. Oh my gosh. She's not answering. Oh my God. No one else is awake right now. Do you have a couple seconds? I'm like freaking the punk out. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

So they are like, you know, it's like actually like alarming. It sounds like something terrible is happening and we never find out what it is, but no, we never know what it is. But for sure, this is, this is sort of going back to your point, which is like, this is not a friend who's like, oh my God, Kat is very delicate. Let me be strong for Kat. This is someone who's like, we are gonna be messes together right now. Yeah, and the stroke cat ends up fetal on the bed,

you know, crying. And so, which, you know, could have been from this episode or it could have been from the past eight episodes. Yeah. It's like gonna have taken the scene literally from any one of those episodes and put it in. But you know what? Kat's like, do we make fun of her?

Cause we make fun of every little thing on this show, but she's so sweet. I genuinely feel bad for her. She doesn't even. I feel so bad for her. She seems like actually like a very lovely during character. She just seems like so sweet. She should not be on this boat or on this show. She has stuff she has to work on in

her life. And I feel so bad for her every week when she just is not feeling like she's not fitting in and you just you can sort of see she's also kind of her own worst enemy. And I just feel so bad for her. I was hoping that she would have like an arc where she would fit in and she would feel she would feel better. But she just keeps going downhill. I was hoping that she would have this arc where she felt like everybody was bullying her even though they weren't. But then she would be like,

well, fuck them if they're gonna bully me. I'm gonna ruin all of their lives one by one. And then she would have a picture of the group and then she would cross out each one of their faces as she got revenge on them. She would just start taking them down one by one. And someone would get fired for something. as she got revenge on them. She would just start taking them down one by one. Someone would get fired for something.

They'd be like, oh, Kyle, looks like Kyle left to use condom in the hot tub, he's fired. But we find out in the end it was all Kat the whole time, ruining everybody's life slowly but surely and taking her revenge. And it turns out she's just Emily Van Camp. Turns out that's all it is. Who looked a lot like Hannah from Below Deck Mediterranean.

That's true. What is Emily Van Camp up to these days, by the way? It's been a while. It's been a while since she's- Emily Van Camp? I don't know, she kind of disappeared, right? Wasn't she, didn't she marry the hot guy from that show or something? More importantly, what happened to Madeleine Stowe?

Madeleine, I feel like we should have Madeleine Stowe in high rotation, that she was so good on? Madeleine, I feel like we should have Madeleine Stowe in high rotation. She was so good on that show. Oh, I loved her in that. Yeah, Madeleine's, long live Madeleine Stowe. Okay, so provisions come and someone's like, oh, provisions are here. Eggs, there's always a lot of eggs.

So Anthony calls his mom in the galley and Kyle, I think this is where Fraser meets his mom, right? Or maybe not, I don't know. And then we meet the new charter guest, Leslie and her guests. And Leslie's husband's like, guys, watch out for Leslie. She's a real snacker. Right, Leslie? She's like, oh, I love snacks. Everybody watch out. I'm a nightmare when it comes to snacks, okay? If I don't have a snack and I see your fist,

I'll eat your fist. I don't give a fuck. I love snacks. She loves snacks. And then one person's like, I was a young mom and now my kids are older and now I'm having a good time. And Leslie's like, and I'm an old mom and I have a four year old and a two year old, can't get enough snacks

between the three of us. Can you believe that? I'm an old mom with kids, they love snacks, I love snacks. I'm like, are we friends or am I your mother? I love snacks. I mean, when I say I'm putting on the Ritz at home, I'm literally putting a piece of cheese on the Ritz. Am I right?

High five, cat, high five. I'll put Ritz right on my boobs. That's how much I love snacks. Some of my kids are like, wait a minute, those are Ritz, not milk. And I say, I'm sorry. I put my snacks on your snacks. I'm getting your snacks mixed up. Some people work for a better life. I work for better Cheddar's. Am I right, everyone? Am I right? Up high, Kat. Up high.

So Kat's like, oh my God. You're like in the fun years now, aren't you? Cause they're four and they're two. And Leslie's like, I am, I am. That's what we call them, the fun years. And cat's like, I'm in the fun years too. I'm not having any fun. Your kids would probably even hate me.

Do you want to FaceTime them? Just tell me to fuck off and ignore me. They ain't got about me probably. Oh honey, here. I have an emergency Triscuit for you. It really helps. So there everyone's ready for the boat to leave and Sonja's gonna be on the tender and By the way, did we talk? Did this scene happen yet when Ben was giving instructions to the deckhands? I don't remember if this happened before or after this, but at one point Ben had like his first deckhand meeting and he put his like hand on Sonny's shoulder and they kept

on showing it. I think they were trying to make a point. I was like, sir, you're her boss now. I feel like this is inappropriate. Is that just me? Is that just me? No, he's totally gross about it, but they're already banging. So I don like this is inappropriate. Is that just me? Is that just me? No, he's totally gross about it.

But they're already banging. So I don't know what, I don't know. Yeah, I know that they're already banging, but I still think it's kind of not right. I don't know if that, when that happened. So I just want to insert it right here while the boat's leaving. So, Sonny's an attender.

Yeah, that definitely happened where he's like, oh, I'm going to take you to drive the Tinder. And then he did, and he's like, he's, hey dude, no, go a little to the right. And now she has her like monologue where she's like, I'm going to take you to drive the Tinder. And then he did, and he's like, he's, hey, dude, no, go a little to the right. And now she has her like monologue where she's like, on my previous boat, I was never given the opportunity to prove myself, which is one of the reasons I left that boat.

But now I've been wanting to drive the Tinder and I drove the Tinder. Party! Dare to dream. But it was with Ben and his hand on your shoulder the whole time. Ben's blaming it to you. Yeah. He injected your confidence. He injected like, he like infused something onto your shoulder

through his fingers. It's gross. All right. So the anchor goes down. Everything's great. Guests are hanging out. They want to have a pan Asian lunch and guess what? They're going to get a pan Asian lunch. So, um, French police, those people don't know how to snack.

They really don't. I know they admit to charcuterie, but nothing is more cuter re than not French food. Am I right? So they get sushi for lunch and, um, they love it, you know. And Anthony's like, you would not lie to me, would you that you would not like it? No, I wouldn't.

So then Kyle's blowing up water toys with a fart sounding. He's like, this is fun. And then Leslie, Anthony goes up to meet the guests and Leslie is like, oh my God, it's another accent. Could you put that between two tiny pieces of bread and shove it in my mouth? Love to snack on that.

Just a very small, small pieces of bread. We don't want to turn it into a meal. What sort of accent is that? What sort of accent is that? He goes, oh, it's French. Like, okay, I see you later. Thank you so much. Oh, you know, I just lost my snack appetite.

That's the strangest thing. I must have known that French sound. First time I've ever not been hungry for a snack. Wow. Wow. Disgusting. Country really did me in on this one. Wait, is Grenada French?

I want to see, I wonder if they're just like out French because they've been in Grenada all that time. Wait, why am I even trying to come up with a backstory for this? I'm not, I stop, I wonder if they're just like out French because they've been in Grenada all that time. Wait, why am I even trying to come up with a backstory for this? I'm not, I stop, I'm stopping myself. You're looking it up. I'm looking it up. Grenada is thought to have been first populated

by peoples from South America during the Caribbean archaic age. Okay, that makes sense. Because I apparently have called it Grenada. I only read the first line in the Google. I had called it Granada for a bunch of the season. It's actually Grenada. But there is a Granada I think.

I think Granada. Maybe it's Granada. I'm stopping myself right now in this discussion. So it's getting us like deeper and deeper into the ignorance hole. I don't need to discuss these things. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like to be quizzed like that because the chances, the answer is no. Do you, Hey, is something in something? I don't know.

That's the answer to most everything. I don't know. No, nothing. All I know is Turkish. Well, Ben is discussing his roster plan with the captain. And he kept saying, I've been watching Ben on the full deck. It's running smooth. I've got way more confidence Ben off the bat than I

did with Jared. I love how eager he is and he's ahead of the game. The question is, when we get to Karakir, will he be able to attack a Kraken the way I did? Didn't get this necklace for nothing. Venture. So now the guests are getting in the hot tub and they're trying to get one of their friends in there and he's like, I'm not going in there. He's like, in that sperm factory. And they're like, what could go wrong? Come on. He's like, I'll tell you what could go wrong. A goddamn yeast infection could go wrong.

You're not gonna be the one to get that, sir. You need to relax. You're not wrong, but you're kind of killing the vibe. Yeah, kind of killing it. The wrong way. So Barbie is just trying to make, she's doing the decorations and then Kat's crying. I'm kinda killing it. The wrong way. So Barbie is just trying to make, she's doing the decorations and then Kat's crying.

She's just crying. She's crying. And then Anthony is- Kat's having a rough one. Yeah, and then Anthony is talking about, he's gonna bake basically lobster tail and steak. He's very excited. He goes on about medium rare.

It's really important to have medium rare. He just goes, she's making surf and turf, but he talks about it for five minutes. And then Ben and Sonny are hanging out and Ben's like, so this is the first time I've been seeing someone in the same department. It's not bad or difficult. We just gotta make it work, you know?

I'm like, she's like, I think we are making it work. I mean, I draw for Tinder. And he's like, I think we're making it work too. I thought he was gonna say, I guess now we probably should draw some healthy boundaries. But he's like, we just got to make it work. It's the man on below deck. Of course not.

So then she's like, I went to bed with the lead deckhand, and I woke up with Ben being bossin'. It's kind of hot. Again, I was thinking she'd say, this puts me in an awkward position. No, it's hot. So she's saying that she's already dated one of her bosses and that's how they met.

So I guess she met, she started dating someone while she was an underling already or an employee. So she was like, meh, who cares? I'm prepared, you know? So she goes, I hope it's not gonna create an imbalance. Well, you're both tender drivers now. So I think you're pretty much on the same level. So Sonny's like, by the way, I hope it's not gonna create an imbalance. No, of

course it won't. It's just that he's in a power position and you're not. So what sort of imbalance could there possibly be? That's where Below Deck gets tricky, isn't it? Because there are so many, there's so many like modern boundaries set up that just don't apply on this show until they do. And then they suddenly do apply. And it's like, well, now we're gonna apply the,

now we're gonna apply modern rules to these. I don't know, I don't know how to deal with it on below deck. I just take it one by one. And in this situation, I mean, she's, she's into bed. So I think she'll have to watch it because if ever it turns into that situation, which it could very easily. That's the thing, it always does.

It always gets fucked up and then it's like. I don't know the answer. Yeah, I mean the answer is that they probably should say, ooh, maybe we should hold our horses, but of course they won't, because they're two adults, they can decide what they wanna do, but what's tricky is because they are working together

and living together and there's no line between like Personal life and work life. Oh well sucks for them. So now we go to Barbie and she's still working on decor and She's like I should be done with this. I'm not letting myself go too hard because I hate it. He's like no no, no It's fine. It's very Mardi Gras. It's very American and stupid. I love it. He's like, yeah, actually my sister's at Mardi Gras right now. She goes, oh yeah. Do you think your sister flashes her tits? And he's like, oh yes, she's got huge knockers.

That seems so, I can't imagine anyone related to Fraser going to Mardi Gras. He just seems so prim and proper. I love that he has a sister out there. He's like, yes, these are my boobs. You can call me girl. My name is Gemma and I'm here for a good time, baby straight.

So it's Mardi Gras time and let's see, they're eating, then they get surf and turf and everybody loves it and, you know, Anthony's a rock star, et cetera, et cetera. So then Leslie wants a martini. She's like, Oh my God, look, my friend is like shaking her boobs to get her a martini. Did you, do you think, look, my friend is like shaking her boobs to get her a martini. Did you do you think do you see that happening phrase and the guest husband guys like, Oh, he doesn't look at boobs. Sorry. He's not. Oh no, the ladies like sorry, he doesn't check out boobs. He's

looking at my husband over there. And Frazier's like awkward, awkward. And then one of the guys goes, How many drinks have I had? And someone goes, oh, poor Fletcher. And someone else goes, stop calling him Fletcher. Well, I know his name. They're calling him Fletcher. I'm just calling him Fraser because I know his name. And they're like, Fraser earned his name.

And then it's like, well, it's not fucking Fraser. You know, oh no, sorry. Fraser says that. He's like, it's not fucking Fraser. Or it's not fucking Fraser. Or it's not fucking Frazier. So you just, my name's sweet. Anyway, it's just awkward. It's just more drunk people being demeaning.

I thought he said it is Fraser. I thought the whole thing was that they were calling him Fletcher and he was like, my name is Fraser. My name is Fraser. No, they're saying, hey Fletcher. Well, this is how I took it. I don't know if this is right. But they're saying, hey Fletcher.

And he's like, no, that's not his name. I'm not even drunk, because I know his name. His name is Frazier. And then he's like, well, it's Frazer, not Frazier. So you don't know my name, you fucking moron. Don't know my name, sweetheart. Hilarious guys. Stupid idiot.

We sure bungled that one up. We sure jarraded that scene. We really messed up that. That's okay. We'll fix that in editing. We'll fix that very important scene. Kidding. We're gonna have to let you go. Vanilla cheesecake.

Thank God. Yes. I just got fired from my job. Vanilla cheesecake comes out. Leslie's like, wow, with that accent. Listen, Anthony, with that accent, you can say whatever you want. It doesn't even matter. I will still puke it up because you are so French right now, wow.

Whatever you say sounds like trash because you're French and I'm French people. Anthony is addicted to circle molds. Have you noticed? He loves it. Yeah. He loves a circle mold. I mean, even the cheesecake, he cuts out with circle molds. He makes a regular cheesecake, which by the way, is made in a circle mold, everybody.

Too big though. And then he takes another circle mold and cuts out the cheesecake from that circle mold. Yeah. made in a circle mold. Everybody too big. And then he takes another circle mold and cuts out the cheesecake from that circle mold. Yeah. He loves the circle mold. He loves that. In the middle of a circle mold, put the broccoli in there, the steak. He didn't care.

Give the man a circle mold. He loves it. Daddy loved circle mold. He loves the circle. Notice the sushi. Big circle. Circles. Circle mold. Circles.

Wasn't there a Shem Shama Shama lion movie called circles? Was there? Signs, it was about crop circles. Oh yeah, yeah. Signs, yeah. Of course there's no signs. I never saw it.

Circles, did I miss a Shama lion? Circles. Next morning, Anthony's making croissants. Kat's lying in bed crying. I had to laugh every time she's crying because it's like she's really going through something. It's just so on brand. It's like, oh, someone's making croissants, Kat's crying.

That's just a mess, man. She's a real mess. So then Zandy doesn't know what's going on with Kat, obviously, but none of Kat's work is done. And so she's like, come on, Kat, there's still things not done here. And please tell me if you leave a place because you don't have radio now.

I've been trying to radio you. And Kat's like, I'm sorry, I was on the radio. I don't know if you could hear my frequency, but I was on this frequency. Ah's the cleaning caddy cat? Where's the cleaning caddy? Say it's in the VIP. So then Kat goes into the crew mess to throw something out and Barbie's sitting there on her phone,

just eating an apple. And she's like, Kat's like, I'm over this shit. And Barbie's like, oh, you wanna talk or no? She's like, no. I was like, wow, Barbie, you really were open arms there in that moment. But they're just so used to cat, you know, cat's like I'm over it and I can't take it. She runs out crying and Barbie's like, okay, here, if you need me.

Do you need a sex doll? Yeah. Okay. There's only so many times you get to cry before people are just like, okay, she's crying. I think with Barbie, it's negative one times. Yeah, exactly. Barbie's in no mood. So- I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Chef Manny when I made her be the softball shooter with her mouth.

I told her, cry outside. So now they're serving breakfast and everything. Was I talking about that show with you the other day? It must have been you, right? That cow on earth, cry outside. It must have been, because we're the only ones who talk about it still. So Barbie asked Fraser if Kat's okay,

because she's crying again. He's like, crying again? Something really is wrong with her. I'm a bit worried about her. It's like the time I first found out my sister Jemma was booked a flight to America to do anything at all. So worrisome. So he goes in and he checks on her

and he's like, is everything okay, my love? And she's like, no, it's not good. It's sorry, I just wanna push through, but I'm not. It's pretty obvious that she is at the end of her rope and he can tell. Yeah, he's like, there's a point where you look into someone's eyes and you think there's no more that they can give.

Curtains on Kat, so. But enough about Eileen. She basically is, he's like, she's not gonna make it, right? So the captain's like, really? And she heard the one about me punching that kangaroo right in the center of its fucking eyes. That usually brings people right back from the brink. He's like, no, she's done.

She's in tears. She doesn't want to disclose any information, which is totally fine. And I said, this is something you need to deal with immediately, and her answer was yes, she's done. And he's like, all right, thank you for bringing it to my tent. Did you tell her about the one about the butterfly that flew in my eye? And I flicked it right in the head and hit it so

hard that it got dizzy and thought it was a caterpillar and put itself back in a cocoon and came out a stronger butterfly. Now that was an adventure. I must have forgotten that one captain. Well, does she know that we're going to Karakyo where there'll be so much adventure, the blue water turns to a cause. Does she know about that? She heard about the squid of Karakyo. She's gone, Captain.

Damn it. She heard about, made her cry harder. Oh, what's a shame. So, um, you know, Captain Carey is like, I hire strong heads of departments and they understand their crew and I'm not there. I don't see all things. Hashtag Duolingo,

gotta learn my Turkish in six months or else. Relationship's over. So they'll come and tell me what's going on and they say that she's ready to go. So she's gotta go. So they bring a water taxi to take Kat, and he's like, now listen, don't take anything from here, here, in your heart, all right, you understand?

Because you're full, your heart is full. And she's like, oh my God, am I gonna have to float away on my tears? That's the ocean, stupid. Get on the water taxi. So she gets on my tears? That's the ocean, stupid. Get on the water taxi. So she gets on the water taxi. All the guests are watching and they're like,

Oh God, what happened to that poor crying girl? I hope she comes back. And I hope she brings some wheat thins too. Cause let me tell you something. I love snacks. I love snacks from a crying girl. Have a good trip. I'm sorry I wouldn't let you sit by us.

I'm like, oh. Hope you don't have to eat any French food and Grenada. We just still don't know if it's a French colony. So that's it. She's out of here and now there are two people down. Yeah, it's a classic below deck situation. I mean, truthfully, Oh, dog. Yeah, it's a classic below deck situation. I mean, truthfully, they were oversized in terms of their stew staff, right? A lot of times it's like a chief stew

with a second and a third, but now, but they'll probably, I feel like they just won't replace Cat, I think they'll just spare it off. Or also their deck staff, but I think this is a bigger boat, right, is this someone with the big boat? Or was that the last boat, or was think this is a bigger boat, right? Is this the big boat or was that the last boat? Was that the below deck med boat? This I don't know this I think this is a big boat

by the way, the official language of Grenada is English. So I think it was a British colony or something at some point. I don't know this so much Checkered history in terms of the Caribbean, so who knows? Well, I'm not gonna read Wikipedia about it. Okay everybody, thank you so much for being with us today for this lovely below deck recap. It's good to be back with some below deck action. We're also gonna be back with The Valley later this week,

which is Bravo's new spinoff of Vantapump Rules. So join us for that later in the week. And if you're a Top Chef fan, we're going to check in on the first episode, not a full recap, but we're going to talk about it a bit on this week's bonus episode, which you can get along with this video and all of our videos and bonuses at patreon.com. It's also where you find ticket links for our Netflix Comedy Festival show in LA and our European tour, both in May. Check that out.

Yeah, and we'll catch you on the next one. Bye everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark.

She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchels. Erin McNicholas. She don't miss no trickles She's never scary. It's the green fairy. Jamie. She has no less name-y. Havanagila Webber Know your worth with Jason Kurt. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer wing Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. She's always supplying. It's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches, bitches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlin O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Podchadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. We want to hang with Liz Lang, the incredible edible Matthews sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She's quite the catch, it's Victoria Kochet. She ain't no shrinkin' violet Coutar. We love you guys. on Amazon.