Watch What Crappens - #2368 Summer House MV, Part 2: Dread Lobster

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

This is part 2 of our Summer House Martha’s Vineyard (S02E01) recap.  We’re back for a second season, and the dynamics have shifted for season 2. Silas is gone, Jasmine is on the outs, and Summer has a beef with Alex.  Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And Preston goes, you know that 31's older than 27, right? She goes, Preston, don't play me like I'm some dumb broad, Preston, okay? I have a bone to pick with you because like, it's like you don't like me or something. And he goes, oh, is this when the drama started? Is this what we're gonna tell everybody? This is where it started. He's like, yeah, because we don't have a beat, like is this when the drama started? Is this what we're gonna tell everybody? This is where it started.

He's like, yeah, because we don't have a beef. Like, is this where the drama started? And then Jasmine's like, you guys have had some beef. You guys have definitely had some beef in the past. And Preston's like, no, I love you, Bre'ow. Like, honestly, I love you, Bre'ow. Bre'ow, I like really love you, and I will not go off on you

for no reason later this episode. I absolutely love you. I can't wait to off on you for no reason later this episode. I absolutely love you. I'm gonna rip into you for no reason in about 10 minutes. Guess what the girls are doing? Shots, oh my God, we're taking shots! They're doing that and then we find out that Preston's father has passed away

and he's actually missing the funeral, which is the next day, to be there. And he's like, yeah, I'm not going to that because my father wasn't, basically his dad wasn't a part of his life. Checkered pasts, yeah. Complicated relationship with his father and his father's side of the family.

So he is not going to attend the funeral and he's telling us about it and he cries. I feel terrible for him. That's gotta be, it's just gotta be a really gut wrenching position to be in. It's a terrible thing to go through in life anyway, and I feel bad. So it's sad.

So then I don't have time to feel bad. I'm just kidding. No, I feel bad. Hey Martha, no time to feel bad right now. Hey Martha, hate talking about sad things. That's your food, Jazzy. I don't have time to feel bad right now. I'm just trying to get this Vespa at the top of the hill.

I'm like, I'm still at the middle of the canyon right now in my mind. So they get back to the house and Noel's just looking around like, I'm rich now. And then it's all about the lobster. So they gather, Brea we find out is going to be the lobster chef. And she's just pouring two canisters of Old Bay

in the pot and she tells us she does this because you don't want seafood to taste like seafood, which is why I go through two packs of Old Bay seasoning. This is gonna be fire. You want it to taste like pure sodium, you know? That's what seafood should taste like according to Brea. Cause also last year she had a bit of an issue. Also comes from the sea though, to be fair.

That is true. Last year I seem last year she had a bit of an issue. Also comes from the sea though, to be fair. That is true. Last year, I seem to remember she had a seasoning issue as well. She was an aggressive, aggressive seasoner. Listen, I love doing a healthy pour of Old Bay in my seafood boils. Like I always do more than it calls for. I totally support that. But this was like two cans of it. That's this is not going to be good for anyone's blood pressure. We're both very acutely aware of blood pressure things.

This was triggering me. Yeah, I don't know how to fix it. I'm on so many medications. Okay, we're not gonna talk about that right now. I'm going to a blood pressure clinic. Guys. Yeah, we're gonna start one. Let's talk about our blood pressure.

I just got a splinter. A splinter in New York City? Get a rope! Okay so Amir and Alex are outside talking and Amir's like yeah I don't know I don't know if I trust that cooking. I trust that cooking about as much as Natalie trusts me in uh in the vineyard without her which is not a lot. I'm gonna die this summer. I'm really checking my, I'm checking my toe right now. No. Okay, I think I got it out. You all right?

Well, you know. Are they the original wood floors in there or what? You can't tell. I thought this was, it feels like, it feels like laminate. I can't believe I got a splinter live on the air. This is so unprofessional. Actually, what's more unprofessional is me calling it out instead of just being a man and living through it.

I'm gonna join the splinter collective now. Yeah. For those victims of splinters. Yeah. Let's talk it out. Putting my socks back on. Okay, so then inside Jasmine and No-Mal, No-Mal and Jasmine, they're all talking.

And guess what Jasmine's question is? It's shocking. Jasmine literally never learns. She's like, are you Jasmine, they're all talking. And guess what Jasmine's question is? It's shocking. Jasmine literally never learns. She's like, are you single, Noelle? Please tell me you're single. Please, I need to fix you up with someone. And Noelle's like, I am single. You know, I'm single, ready to mingle.

You know how it goes, girls. And she's like, you know, it's day one and everything, but you're not seeing anyone you want to pee on yet. Is that what you're saying? And she's like, um, you know, it's day one and everything, but you're not seeing anyone you want to pee on yet. That's what you're saying. And she's like, well, I mean, I've seen Alex out in Brooklyn, but it's not like we actually like talk to anything. But I did always think that he was cute and he has like this like nice little athletic

build or whatnot. I'm like, there have been three men who've walked in the house so far. Two of them are in relationships What are you at? When when Noel when Jasmine's like see anyone you've got an eye on it's basically between Milo and Alex and maybe the lobster like who else would she have an eye on? That's true. Actually there are there are no options. Hey, wait right it is I'm surprised they haven't maybe they'll bring in some more men over the course of the season because there

are zero options for romance right now. And also I think that Alex has a girlfriend. That's going to be my prediction that Alex has like a girlfriend he hasn't told anybody about. I know it just happened last season with Nick, right? Cause Nick, remember when Nick was like, and here's my girlfriend, Tasia. Now since there's nobody in this house who will have sex with me, here's my girlfriend, Tasia. And they're like, what?

Yeah, that was, and it's still happening. I mean, she's around this season. So, Brea said, so then Noelle's like, yeah, she's like, she sort of has an eye on Alex. Basically he's tall. He's tall and he's got nice shoulders. And so Brea's like, yeah, she's like, she sort of has an eye on Alex. Basically he's tall. He's tall and he's got nice shoulders. And so Bria's like, well, Summer's here and I think that they went on some dates.

And Noelle's like, oh really? Like what kind of dates? Cause dates matter. And Noelle basically is like, yeah, she says that she talked to Summer and Summer said nothing's happened. So like they chilled and that's it. And Janice is like,

oh I think I would have a longer conversation if it were me. Yeah, she's smarter than that. She's like, I don't know, nothing happened. What does that mean? She senses, well I don't know how she's not sensing it. I mean Summer's like dagger eyeing Alex, you know Yeah, I think no, no, no well was doing that thing. I think where she was like interested in Alex and summer said yeah we chilled it's fine and

Summer Noel probably knows there's more there, but she's not gonna ask cuz she wants to have plausible deniability Yes, good point So now people are getting ready for dinner and we see Nick's closet in his all white shirt, which I think is really funny. He's like, listen, it's easier to match a hat. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then Jordan is having issues

with her lace front on her wig, which I think is probably foreshadowing her story about her hair loss. And then Preston has packed scissors. So hope you had fun checking your luggage. Can't bring that in carry on, sir. So let's see Preston and Jordan are setting the table outside and Noelle's like,

Yeah, I do not trust everyone's cooking. That Bria was being a little heavy handed with the old bay, but here's how you know the difference between people, what they put in their grits. They either put sugar or salt and pepper. And I am definitely a butter, cheese, and salt and pepper girl. And that's that.

Like, okay, was this your casting tape? Cause that's literally all I needed. You could be on every show on Bravo. Yeah, no I think I loved her. I loved her for just like going on a random tangent about butter. So they, Amir's like, hey guys, can we do a blessing for this food?

Like maybe we could make a video and put it on Zillow. And they're like, okay, sure. Thanks for the seafood and let's turn up. Woo, let's eat. Yeah. What's her buns do it? What's her name? I don't forget.

Oh, let's do some shots. Oh, Shanice. She's like, oh, I just want to say, Shanice, yeah, she's like, God, thank you so much for seafood and for those towels and fuck bras, by the way, those are stupid invention. Also yay shots, I love shots, yay God, turn up. Yeah, by the way, we didn't mention,

there was one point where they all like went out and started jumping around on the trampoline and then Preston went and basically he, like as soon as you saw that trampoline, you're like, okay, well, congrats to one of you guys who's gonna have a spring ankle for the rest of the season. And sure enough, it was Preston. Preston won the trampoline lottery.

You can't, trampolines aren't just something you can be like, oh, there's a trampoline. I'm gonna go jump on that. I mean, adults can't do that. Kids are made out of elastic, they can do it. Adults can't, you can't do something new like that. Also, if you see like a random step in a place that you haven't tried out before,

be careful, don't just go up that step. Be like, that is new to me and I'm an adult and adults can't do things like this. Okay? Slowly. Literally zero desire to jump on a trampoline. I don't see, I don't like, I just see it as a sprained ankle device.

That's all I see it as. Or maybe a broken wrist if I'm so lucky. Oh. What, are you sad for me? Yeah. You know what I just. It's like oh. No, no trampolines don't do it for me.

I don't like trampolines either. They feel like I'm dying. I don't like trampolines either. I feel, they feel like I'm dying. I don't like that. I'm not in a hurtful way, but just like, oh my God, I'm dying. I'm about to be in heaven. That kind of way, I'm not ready to die. It's like the kind of like thrill where you're falling. I don't like that falling feeling.

Okay, so they're eating and Jasmine's like, how's the pasta? Does everybody like the pasta? I made the pasta. Do you like it? Do you like the pasta? I made the pasta. Do you like it? Do you like the pasta? I made the pasta. Do you like it?

Do you like it? Does that pasta taste single? Tell me if it tastes single. And Alex goes, it's cold, but it's good though. I was like, sir. Thanks person who did nothing. Thank you. Thanks person who did nothing.

Just say it's good. But that's, by the way, this is what drove me nuts about him last year is that he's like, oh, all nice and enlightened, but he's like an asshole. And he would, oh, he did this last year too. He would just say like a real dick thing. And I can't stand that. I can't stand people who are.

Just being honest. Yeah, no one subscribes to your honesty, okay? Save it for the newsletters. Also like honest, I was really upset. This is the moment where I wanted to find out how this over-seasoned food was and no one even commented on it. Also, I thought it was strange that they were bashing open the lobsters with the mallets. Those are like crab mallets and like I feel like is that the way one gets

into a lobster tail? Don't you just go in with like maybe some scissors or something down the middle and crack it open like that? I don't know. Something felt wrong. I don't know. I don't know how any of that's done. So Summer is like, I have a question for you, Jasmine. Why no drinking? Why? How come people take it as a personal affront? And Jasmine's like, oh, well, you remember that party we had last year?

That was pretty much the last time. Oh, you mean the one where Silas got all mad at you because you had the nerve to talk back to him and then degraded you in front of all of your friends and instead of breaking up with him, you promised to stop drinking like that was all your fault? Are you fucking kidding me? Am I supposed to be on your side?

Yeah. So Jasmine's like, yeah, I just really wanted to refocus. It's just gonna be a dry summer and I absolutely don't have a baby inside me. And Bria's like, yeah, cause just really wanted to refocus. It's just gonna be a dry summer and I absolutely don't have a baby inside me. And Bria's like, yeah, because I thought she was pregnant. No, I totally am not 100% pregnant whatsoever. I'm definitely not. Definitely definitely not pregnant.

You know when that guy humiliated me in front of my friends, integrated me, and treated me like absolute shit? I remember that being the night where I said, God, I want that man's baby inside of me. Nothing to have it right now. I'm just not drink, good old fashioned, not drinking. I've never seen the internet more disappointed

than when Jasmine announced her pregnancy and like so many people who follow the show were like, aw, because they're like, the dreams of her escaping from Silas just evaporated in that moment. It's true though, I remember that because I remember the way they word everything in these headlines, you know, it's all click bait, but it was like, Silas and Jasmine have huge announcement

about their relationship. I'm like, well, they were already married, so they're divorced, like, thank God. And it was, no, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. Bringing another Silas into the world, can't wait. Yeah. So then Noel is like, how the fuck do we crap like this? And Jordan is like, so Alex,

you recently had an event that you didn't invite everyone to. And Jordan is like, so Alex, you recently had an event that you didn't invite everyone to. And he's like, oh really, I didn't? No, which is again funny because she literally had a trip, an exclusive trip and she didn't invite people. So we're starting, we're finally starting the drama of the episode.

It's all been nice times and now we're gonna get into it. So Bri is like, well, I mean, I knew I was invited. And Summer says, well, I wasn't invited, even though I was in New York at the time. And he goes, well, he's telling us, I have a beautiful music community, and it's called Fill the Space.

And we've been hosting intimate music experiences for four years now. And yeah, I'm the host of it, but it's a community. And if you're subscribed to the list, you get an invitation. It's that simple. He's actually kind of guilting them. Like actually you weren't supporting me. So Jordan is like, well, I was wondering if you could explain why that was. And then

Shanice whispers to Noelle, Shanice is just like, by the way, there's like a bottle tequila over there. Could you just like put it over by your leg so I don't tip it over? This way your leg can tip it over instead. Okay, great. Thanks. Bye. So Alex is basically like, yeah, well, you know, I didn't invite everyone. And first of all, I didn't realize that Summer was in New York and had I known I would have invited her. And she's like, can, well, you know, I didn't invite everyone. And first of all, I didn't realize that Summer was in New York and had I known, I would have invited her. And she's like, can I call bullshit on that? Because we had a group FaceTime that morning

and you saw that I was in Jordan's living room. So that doesn't feel true. He's not only a liar, he's just a terrible liar. Yeah. So Alex is like, but it was posted on social media. And you know, like people who went there interacted with that page and got tickets. And Jasmine's like, oh, so Brea's the only one

that gets an individual invite. And Brea's like, it wasn't like that. I mean, okay, I love you, Summer, but it wasn't like that, you know? And you and Jordan went out to dinner and I didn't get an invite to that. This is when we enter the I love you butt fight because now everything that everyone says is I love you, but like, I didn't get invited to that. This is when we enter the I love you butt fight. Because now everything that everyone says is I love you,

but I didn't get invited to that. So someone's like, when? To the steakhouse. And I love you, but I did not get invited to the steakhouse. And someone's like, no, listen, Brea, I love you. But we're talking about something that was a whole production. I was staying with Jordan.

And Jordan, I love you, but I was staying with you, Jordan. And I was just like, I wanted to take her out to dinner. So like, I love you, Bria. But like, I was just taking her out to dinner. Is that thank you. Okay, I love you. But I love you. But like, I invited you to my party when I had a party, even though I love you. And someone's like, no, 100%. I love you. But like, still 100% you invited me. She was yeah, but I love you I'm like, I mean, my party was in the group chat. We talked about it. So silly. But Freya, I wasn't in town.

I live in Los Angeles. That's why I didn't go to your party. I mean, I love you, but I live in Los Angeles, which I also love. And then Preston just yells, what the fuck is happening right now? And they're like, oh. So I'm just like, and I just want to just reiterate

to the table to clarify for Preston who wants to know what the fuck is going on right now. I love you, Bria. I just want to say I love you, Bria. No, but I love you. And Preston's like, oh my god. And Bria says, if you want me to leave Preston, Preston, Preston, if you want me to leave,

just say Preston and I'll leave. Why does it have to turn into like, oh my God, they're telling me to leave? Like literally there was, what can I, I'm missing the connective tissue for this discussion. Was it edited out? I love when Bria just loses the thread and just starts like arguing whatever.

Oh yeah, you want me to leave now? Because I was just saying I love you to somebody. So okay, I guess I can't say I love you to somebody because now I'm being asked to leave. Noelle is like, you're not leaving, Bria. We are still eating this shitty, shitty food. And Preston's like, that better not be to me because you lost your mind if it was. Look at me. I am tired of everything being an argument.

It's like, sorry, you are the one who literally, you are literally making this so crazy right now. And she's like, oh, you want me to leave then? Is that what you're saying? Oh my God, did you pack my suitcases? Am I leaving now? Should I call you I love you but Uber? You're gonna cry?

You're gonna cry now? Is that what you're gonna do? You're gonna cry now? I love you but you're gonna cry. But I love you! I love you though. I literally love you but you're gonna cry right now? Like literally, you're like my favorite person here but you're literally gonna cry like a fucking bitch cry now. I love you but you're gonna cry. But I love you! I love you though. I literally love you but you're gonna cry right now? Like literally, you're like my favorite person here

but you're literally gonna cry like a fucking bitch right now. You're gonna cry, I literally love you. And he tells us, I know I'm going through a lot and that's annoying but she's coming for me and I am, listen, if you wanna push me, then push me. If you wanna make a scene, then I can make a movie. So of course, Bria storms off. And she's like, okay, you got the attention on you,

Preston, you got it, you got it. Are you gonna cry in your room for two days? Is that what you're gonna do? Go cry in your room, go ahead, cry in your room for two days. Whatever, Twitter it, Twitter it. Or exit, formally go to Twitter. And he goes, I will.

And she goes, good, that's what I thought. He goes, good night. I'm enjoying these crab legs though. Tweet. Good night. I love you by the way, but good night. Love you, retweet. Quote tweet love you, hashtag.

Fake ass bitch. Pristan's like, I'm actually exhausted with it, to be honest. Like, Brea, you know, Brea and I talk like every day. Like, I love her, but like, I'm exhausted by it. So inside, Brea's like, but I love him. I love him. I don't know why he wants me to leave.

And Summer's telling her, if you love him, you owe it to him to have a conversation. Come on, this wasn't about you. This was about me getting mad at Alex. Come on. Stick to the script girl. Preston's like, I mean guys, we don't all live in the same city.

So then Brea and Summer come back. And Brea's like, Preston, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's like, me too, me too, bitch. He's like, oh my God, I'm so sorry too. And then he said, you want me to leave? No, I don't want you to leave. Okay, so you want me to stay.

Didn't say I wanted to stay either. Okay, well I'm gonna stay. Then Amir does, steps into his favorite thing, which is cleaning things up. So he now starts just clearing all the tables for the rest of the episode. Yeah, where he's like, I'm the only normal one in this house.

That's his favorite thing to do. Yeah. So he's doing that. And then he tells us, yeah, Bria's the only one that gets to throw a tantrum and then come back and be like, I'm sorry, I love you. Like, what? Yeah, but Preston did too.

How come Brea's the only one who gets called out for throwing a tantrum? And then we now pivot to a new variation on the I love you fight to the excessive apologies. So now Preston's like, you know what? Like I was just like upset because it was just like the moment, like it wasn't you, it wasn't you. And I apologize to you for that.

Because I love you. No, no, no, no, no. I apologize because I was disrespectful to you, especially at this time. You don't need that. And I apologize. No, and I love you. I love you for that.

But I apologize because like, I love you. I just, I love you and I apologize for that. Listen, I want me to leave. I want me to leave right now. I want me to leave to Apology City because that's what I owe you, I love you and I apologize for that. Listen, I want me to leave. I want me to leave right now. I want me to leave to Apology City because that's what I owe you. I owe you an apology. I want to leave my soul and go hug your soul together

because I just love you so much and I apologize. Love you. I apologize, love you. Love you. Love you. Then it cuts to Noelle splurting herself in the face with lobster juice. She's like.

Yes. So now Summer's like, okay, so we all love each other and the new girl is covered in lobster jizz. So Alex, you said you didn't know I was in New York, but we were on FaceTime that morning. So what the fuck, Alex? By the way, I respect Summer so much. She just picked right back up again.

She was like, I'm making it, I'm putting a bookmark in my fight because I did not get to where I need to be. So we, and we're back. We might have another season of people calling me boring. Got it. We are back. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial.

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She's just making faces. She's so funny. So Summer's like, the issue is you not being honest, Alex. And Amir, oh ant just makes me crazy He's like why don't you just tell him the answer you want? Because he's telling you his truth and you're not accepting it. So just tell him what you want. He's not saying his truth actually Yeah, it's not He's I hate that you're just like a crazy woman and he's like telling you his truth when you have to resort to

His truth or this is my truth, it's not the truth, tell me the fucking truth and stop with the branding as yours. You don't get your own version. So Jasmine's like, hey Martha, I feel like he's lying. And someone goes, yeah, I do feel like he's lying because how are you on a Zoom call but you don't invite us? You don't invite the person who does live in New York?

You don't invite the person you've been inside of. That's a fucking problem. It's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So now everyone's like, oh my God, they had sex. Did they have sex? I knew they had sex.

I didn't know they had sex. I loved that they had sex. I knew it was the second they had sex. I'm so sorry. I apologize. I love you so much. How did everybody not know they had sex? How did I know, but nobody knew?

I guess I just assumed it. I think the only one who did not know was Jasmine, which is funny, because she's so self-involved that she doesn't even know this very obvious gossip. And also no one likes her, so no one keeps in touch with Jasmine. They just see her this summer. They're like, oh, it's Jasmine still here.

Oh, I'm married, that's why, so. Even Milo and Noel knew it. So basically, yeah, they're all weighing in like, wow. So Alex is like, well, to be honest, I wasn't paying attention. I'm just being very, I'm a very honest person. So Summer's like, well, I guess our perceptions are very different then.

Yeah, so then she goes, have I invited you, have I not invited you guys to something? And Alex is like, listen, I've been to events that other people were not invited to, or like where she's not there. And she goes, who's she? And they could say Jasmine. So he's smart.

He's turning this on how much Jasmine has hurt in this situation. So Jasmine's like, yeah, I mean, I'm just like curious, like why are there things I've not been invited to Martha, you know, like, hey, Martha. And she's like, yeah, I've been really disconnected from the group. And I call the girls as like a married person to single sad people. And like, I check on them like, hey, how are you

doing now that you don't since you don't have a husband yet? Like, are you okay? Are you coping? Do you want me to bring you some canned goods? And like, there's just like no reciprocity. And it's just been like real, real dry, probably like, you know, they're dating life since they're so single. It's sad. The phone just doesn't ring. Like, you know, you wouldn't know each other if it was if it wasn't for me, by the way. Yeah, I mean, I just love calling the girls and supporting them. Are that like, sometimes

they'll call them and just say things like, Listen, here's my advice for the day, we're all dying, but you're dying alone. Okay, good talking to you. So, and we see all these like several photos where the group has like done things, like a large amount of the group without Jasmine. It wasn't just like two or three people here. It was like, there was one photo where like they were all lined up like against like a

railing or something and just everyone but Jasmine. And they know it too. It's like they can sense that these pictures are being shown on the screen right now because they are all just completely silent. Just looking at her. No one is going to jump on that at all. Right? They're all like, should I just move to the left? Cause I know you're about to put up a photo to the right of me?

How should I stand? So Noelle's like, Jasmine, where do you stand with everybody then? Because I guess someone has to ask you because these people clearly do not care. And she's like, well, I mean, I feel like I'm not as close with. She looks around the table.

She's like, Jordan, I'm just gonna, I'll go with Jordan. I'm just gonna focus on one today. Rome wasn't built in a day, right? So Jordan's like, well, we could have that conversation. I would love that, just not in public. And I agree with you, but we're having a group conversation about an invitation,

so I brought it up. So one might say, I'm inviting you to talk about it later. See, wordplay, invitation, maybe you don't understand that concept, I don't know. So Jordan's like, there. So now they clean up and Amir's like, I'll do some dishes, but not all of these dishes. Love that's just his storyline now.

It's like the dishes. Let's go see what Amir's doing with the dishes. Now it's bedtime and Summer and Jordan are talking about how Alex's response didn't even make any sense. And Jordan's like, yeah, but then you made that like inside me comments, so are you sure it's not about something else with him? Well, obviously.

Yeah. I love that she said that. I love that she caught him off guard. You know, I love that she took ownership of that moment and was like, yeah, I'm gonna confront you with your fuckboyness. So now it's the morning. Actually, I didn't like that.

No, because it's like that whole vibe of like, oh my God, I'm not with anybody, you're not with anybody, you're a fuckboy, I'm a fuckgirl, I'll just do whatever I want. We can just do whatever I want. And then when you feel slighted, it's like you've been inside me. That's like the most important thing

that someone could have done. I can't believe you would treat me that way after you've been inside of me. Is this casual or not? Yeah, that's a fair point. So now it's the morning and Amir is scrubbing the fridge door. He's like, this is like my most favorite

cleaning product in the world. Like this is his A story for the season, scrubbing things down. And they're just like getting ready. Noelle has a hangover drink of cranberry and lime. It's the next morning and they're all enjoying themselves. And now Alex is in the truth booth and he's like, I can feel the drama.

Summer wants to put the pressure on me, but you're not gonna get a rise out of me unnecessarily. I'm not built like that. I'm built for music collectives. Being a cousin to built like that. I'm built for music collectives. Being a cousin to a famous person. I'm built for that. I'm built for sharing G chords. That's it.

So then Jasmine is telling, she's on the phone with Silas and she got flowers or something and he's like, I'm gonna live vicariously through you. Would you please tell people to keep it down while I work? That'd be great. Do it now. Okay, I sent you two computer monitors.

I could just set them up on the dining room table and just make sure they're just exactly where everyone's congregating and then tell them all to shut up. Thank you so much. So she talks about how they went to counseling and they're like doing so much better now. And he goes, babe, I'm gonna teach you something new, a new word, dulcevenia. That means you're the woman,

do my dishes, god damn it. Dishes are filthy. She's like, oh my god, I love you. It's like, love you, babe. I did not love Jasmine's discussion of counseling because she goes, yes, Silas and I, we went back to counseling and I'm not perfect. I've definitely made mistakes. It's like, yeah, but like, well, you have made a mistake, which is getting involved with Silas. But like also, where is, how about also like saying something, I thought she was gonna say, Silas realized that he, his priorities were not right

and he had to update the way he talked to me and da da da da da, but it was more her being like, no, I made mistakes. I was like, this is not good. This is not what I wanna hear. Yeah, me neither. So now they're going to boat day and Preston is throwing it and he's talking about his father's funeral

and that they decide that they're gonna have fun instead and be a family, be family to each other. So now Jordan and Jasmine have their conversation and I would not want to be on the outs with Jordan. Just say that right now. Jordan is cold blooded. Yes. Jordan like literally will just cut you and not care.

And that's kind of what she's doing right now. So Jordan is like, I just wanted, I didn't want to have a Dr. Phil session today. So Jasmine's like, well, I feel like we haven't been on the same page in a long time, Martha, okay? And I was like, I don't, you know, what's going on? I had to ask myself, did I do something? Did I?

What's your perspective, single person? It's just been so long since I've been single, I just forget how you think, but go ahead. She's like, well, I think I definitely pulled away because I was mistrusting what I was seeing. It just like made me feel like I don't know who this is. And I was freaked out by it quite frankly. And it made me feel like I don't know

if I can trust this person honestly. Jasmine. Last year I was just getting used to my marriage. And I mean, you're such a straight shooter. If you didn't like something, I would guess that you'd say, she did say, why are you acting like she didn't say she did say Jasmine? Here's the problem people do tell you and you don't fucking care and you keep acting like an asshole anyway Here's the real answer to this. Why did you pull away? I don't like you anymore

You're an asshole with your boyfriend and nobody likes you so yeah Jordans like when I first met Jasmine she had like a shaved Skrillex haircut, and we see it It's like she when I first met Jasmine, she had like a shaved Skrillex haircut, and we see it. It's like, she was like edgy. She was probably like edgy and cool, and not like the type of person who is just going to lean into, you know, I'm a married person now, and I have to do everything for my man.

I've gotta be like, making a room. I was taking this music class, because I take these like, well, not a class. I was like taking a tutorial, doing a tutorial or something online for like music production or whatever. And this guy was like, you know who gave me this plugin? Skrillex. Isn't that weird?

I mean it was twice in one day. What does that mean? It means that please welcome the new cast member of Real Housewives of Somewhere, Skrillex. I don't know why Patent. How often does Skrillex just pop up in people's life? That's bizarre, right? Well, hey Skrillex, are you out there

listening to me right now with your man bun? I feel you Skrillex, okay? And I love you, I love your work, bro. Give me a call. Well, all I have to say is for the people for whom Skrillex pops up a lot, those are people who probably drink a lot of coffee because all his music is like.

I have been addicted to coffee lately. Do you think it's all connected? I'm so addicted I had to buy decaf coffee because I was like, I'm gonna give myself a heart attack with all this coffee. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is Skrillex, I'm here for you. Okay, I'm a beginner.

So give me some knowledge, drop some knowledge on me Skrill. Okay, so basically Jordan's like, you're annoying and Jasmine's like, but I call you and I'm just trying to survive as a married person. Like I get that you don't get it, okay? Like old maid, I get it. But it's hard for us out here in the married world. I get it, but it's hard for us here in the married world.

So anyway, so Jordan's like. You know how this friend, I know I'm skipping next. I got lost. I'm probably confused here. I still think that's grilling. We see texts to prove, cause Jordan's like, well I sent you a text and you never answered me. So then we see this wall of text

and we know that Jordan really needs business because at the bottom of the text it says, you stopped sharing location with Jasmine Ellis Cooper. Dun, dun, dun. And Jasmine's like, she tells us, I don't wanna hear about a single text that I didn't respond to. I mean, look at my call log, it's extensive,

which is like, yeah, I mean. It looks like they both were looking for, well, it looks like, when someone says, I wrote a single text and you didn't write back to me, it looks like Jordan was done. Jordan was done, I was just looking to hang something, like find something to hang the ending of this friendship on. Like, you didn't write me back, so our friendship is over.

So- Right, but she also wrote her a wall of text and she didn't get a response. And Jasmine's one of those people who's like, oh, I'm not gonna read your wall of text with your grievances and address those. I'm gonna instead make you fucking listen to me monologue on the phone.

Like, I'm not gonna take two minutes to give you what you want. I'm gonna take an hour of your time talking about what a victim I am. Don't you have those people who refuse to text you back, they just leave you voice messages? Like, I'm not gonna sit here and take five minutes to listen to your monologue.

I asked you one question. Just answer the question. I definitely have one or two friends where if I text, they respond by calling. I definitely have one or two friends where if I text, they respond by calling. And that's one of my least favorite habits. Because if I want to speak on the phone, I would have called you, or I would have said, hey, can we talk?

But when you, like, I don't, the only exception is if someone's driving, and they call me and say, hey, sorry, I'm driving, just be easier for me to do this. That's okay. No, get the fucking carplay. I'm not doing it with that either, because then they call and then say, hey, sorry, I'm driving. Just be easier for me to do this. That's okay. No, get the fucking car play. I'm not doing it with that either because then they call and then you're like, what?

And they're like, oh, well, this is just easier than sending a bunch of texts. No, it's not. It's easier for you because now you get to bitch about all your day of errands and how the kids were doing this and how no one respects you and that works. Let me add a note.

Let me revise it. Let me revise it. If I'm saying, hey, what time do you want to meet for dinner tonight? And then they call and they say, sorry, I'm saying, hey, what time do you want to meet for dinner tonight? And then they call and they say sorry, I'm driving be easier to do this I'm okay with like figuring out a plan on the phone. That's okay, but Otherwise, yeah, I don't want I don't want if I text you don't respond with a call So those people you then you have to like respond back two hours later. So that way hopefully they're away from their phone

It's more inconvenient for them. I hate that. Yeah, great. Also, it's 2024. I don't answer my phone. Who does? It's dangerous. I know.

It's literally the last. Jasmine wants to improve this, and Jordan's just like, me too, but she clearly does not. Doesn't. No, she does not want. Jordan's like, you're dead to me. So I had your funeral already.

So you can keep screaming at the walls, whatever you want, but you're a ghost. So I had your funeral already. So you can keep screaming at the walls, whatever you want. But your ghost. So so then they're partying outside. Well, I was like, if you had to name yourself out after an alcohol, what would you name yourself? And Nick is like, Moet and Nicole's, no, I was like, Okay, cool. But it has to coordinate with your name. So there's no pun there. Can you work on your wordplay, please? Moet, stupid. So then-

I don't really understand this, did you? Well, I think that she meant like, I guess what Noelle was trying to do was, she wanted the alcohol to mix with the name Nick. She wanted wordplay. I feel like she was adapting a sorority game and it was not landing. I say that as someone who like,

when I joined my fraternity, I just, there were definitely like certain things I tried to like introduce to my friends. I don't even remember what they were, but they just did not, it's some things just have to stay. They don't, it just does not translate outside of the brand.

So Preston's like, I would be like Andre or Nick Andre, huh? It was weird. So now Alex and Summer are talking. And Alex is like, hey, let's talk about last night. Like, why'd you say that? She's like, because it felt like you were excluding us. I mean, me, like when someone has been inside of you, there's like a certain respect,

like a love you have for each other. He's like what it's like. Whoa now She's saying she loves me. Oh, no It's like we do it's like we hooked up. We're not in love and I don't think that she was saying that they're that they they're in love I think that she was saying there is like a a tenderness and care that that relationship needs to have I Think that's what she's saying. He's like, whoa, she's in love with me. Whoa, women are crazy.

Look out everyone for summer everyone. She's a hysterical woman. Oh yeah. So she was like, yeah, people, she was like, people have sex, they enjoy life. Like who cares? But you feel like it needs to be a secret? I just don't get it.

And yeah, cause she's like, everyone already knew and everything. And he was like, yeah, cause I told Jordan and she told someone else. So here she says, everybody knew. He goes, yeah, cause you told them. It's how everybody already knew. And she's like, well, I told Jordan

and she told everybody. I mean, look, on his end, you can't just fuck within the friend group and expect that no one's gonna know. But on her end, why are you using that like a weapon at a group dinner? It's fucking weird. I'll tell you why.

Because as a fuck boy, he tries to keep the stuff discreet so it seems more gentlemanly. He seems like a more evolved person, but what he really wants to do is not get the word out that he's like a big old fuck boy, so that way he can be a big old fuck boy with other people. And people don't like, he doesn't want people to realize he's like this.

So he wants everyone to stay quiet about it so he can maintain his image. And she's like, no, I'm gonna put it right out there. I'm gonna put it out there that you are a fuck boy. And that's why I liked it. Yeah. I don't know. I'm generally not on Alex's side for anything.

I just don't understand the whole, like let's have a casual hookup. And I'm gonna be the least casual about it. I'm gonna be zero. I'm gonna show zero cash at all after it. But you do you. Not you, but her. But also he's been a fuckboy long enough

that he should know this is what actually always happens is that there's feelings always get involved and him not inviting Summer when she's there in New York, he knows that that is going to piss her off. Exactly, yeah. Well, and I think that's the big thing too, right? It's like, and now you're saying you didn't know I was in town?

Like, what the hell, you fucking weirdo? But, you know, he's trying to make you crazy and now you're confronting him in front of everybody, looking, guess what? Crazy. And then he can say, like, well, look at her. She's wild. She just wants me so bad.

Look how crazy I make them. She wants to move so quickly. I just need to take it slow. I want to take it slow. I wanna take things slow right now. They all fall in love with me, that's the problem. Yeah, I'm figuring stuff out. So Shanice is like, okay, well,

basically Summer's like, okay, look, I set expectations on the situation and you're not responsible for those expectations, so I'm sorry. And he's like, okay. And then Shanice is like, you guys are having so many serious conversations, he's like okay and then Shanice is like you guys are having so many mysterious conversations let's take a shot and yeah so then they all just start dancing and twerking and stuff like

that and that's that for summer's house summer house Malto's vineyard welcome back home show I know I can't believe we talked about it for so long. Because like not a huge amount happened, but I actually really, really enjoy this show and I love the cast chemistry. So I'm looking forward to this season. Yeah, me too. All right, everybody.

Well, thanks so much for being here. Go get tickets for our Europa trip and also our show in LA in May. Those tickets are at watchwhatcrappens.com, video on Patreon and so are the bonus episodes. We'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye.

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