Watch What Crappens - #237: Going Château-to-Toe with Shereé

Episode Date: November 11, 2015

We talk about the return of "Real Housewives of Atlanta" from Cynthia's marital problems to Shereé's Kenya problem. Then it's on to "Vanderpump Rules" where we met Lala, and Inspector Kristen gets to the bottom of James' infidelity. Sort of. Plus, we watch the trailer for "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills." Fun times had by all! Remember to support us at http://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at http://facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at http://watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Today's episode is sponsored by Casper. Get $50 toward any mattress purchased by visiting www.casper.com slash crappins and using promo code crappins. This episode of Watch that crappens? make fun of i'm ben mandelker from b-side blog.com and the banter blender and joining me as always is the truly hilarious and wonderful and uh culturally aware ronnie carom from trash talk tv.com what's going on ronnie i've been to the opera bed i'm culturally aware Aware You are

Well You are so very aware Yeah, Ronnie went and saw Moby Dick the opera And I know this because we talked about it on our bonus episode this week For those of you who don't know For those of you who are new to our podcast And we have a bunch of new listeners Which we're very

We are so excited about this We were number three on iTunes. It's crazy. So everyone who's new, welcome. We have this thing with Patreon, patreon.com forward slash crappins, where if you like the show, you can support us. You can donate to us. And one thing that you get from supporting us is access to our weekly bonus episode, which is usually anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour.

And this week's episode, we talked about a lot of Bravo gossip. We talked about more revelations with Brooks and his cancer. We talked about we had some Southern charm gossip that we discussed. We talked about we had some southern charm gossip that we discussed we talked about we talked about uh amber from real housewives of new jersey uh we talked about brandy glanville's new uh e-show but most importantly we talked about whales we talked a lot about whales. We talked a lot about whales. Specifically Moby Dick. Moby Dick. Yeah. I'll get that whale.

Whale. Whale. Ronnie saw Moby Dick the opera, which is why he's singing it. And we also talked, of course, we had to, the Starbucks Red Cup controversy. So if you're interested in hearing all that stuff just go to patreon and support us and you get more podcasts it's so great lots of bonus episodes and then next week is our google hangout for subscribers and that's next wednesday because it's going to be the holiday soon yeah so we're going to do next wednesday so that should be fun

so yeah just come to watch what crappens.com. You can find links to go everywhere. Find all the bonus episodes and bonus content. And we've got a and come to facebook.com as well slash watchwhatcrappens because there is so much being posted there. It is really great, you guys. Thanks for posting there. And let's get

on with the show because we've got so many ads. I don't want to take too much time with our crappens. We're going to have two ads, everyone. So everyone just brace yourselves. You never know when they're going to happen. You don't know when it's going to happen, but suddenly there'll be an ad. I don't know where an ad. So let's not marinate you in AIDS and get on to the return of Real Housewives of Atlanta.

Oh, did you want to talk about Beverly Hills? Oh, no, Atlanta. Atlanta, you need to take a break, take a step back, and relax. Because we have some bigger fish to fry. We have a big whale. Not as big as a whale. But like, a fish,

maybe like a grouper. I think we have a grouper to fry. We'll get a really big pan. Because it's going to be a whole grouper. And it's in the shape of women from Beverly Hills. I actually cheated and saw some of this preview. The trailer for the next season. Of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

I watched a little while I was recording it. And this is no grouper, Ben. This is an Ursula. These are more like red snappers. I think that's what they are. To me, this is a good one, because at first I was like, dum, dum, dum, dum. And then it ended with me going, girl, which, you know, that's a sign of a good trailer. Yeah, so what we're going to do is we're actually going to play it now on the show, and we'll comment as we go along.

It's two minutes and 24 seconds. So if it sounds kind of annoying, then you go along it's two minutes and 24 seconds so if it sounds kind of annoying then you can just fast forward two minutes no big deal and if not just just just come listen to us so i watched it last week i forget most of it but i'm gonna run are you ready i'm gonna press play are you ready to press play you tell me let's count off three two one play real housewives of beverly hills hold on tight vanderpump uh brought fast cars lisa almost loses her hat private planes this is the part of the trailer this is the part of the show when they show how luxurious they are

This is the part of the show when they show how luxurious they are. It's a shark. I miss you. Taylor Armstrong in a big hat. And Camille. Oh, and Nick Jonas. Or Joe Jonas. Oh, the classic waxing scene.

Nice to meet you. New girl. Very colorful woman. The body, the boobs, the lips, the hair. But she is one smart cookie. No, she's not a smart cookie, I guarantee. Her vagina's already on the dumb whore. I'm not like your typical Beverly Hills woman that only eats salads.

Yum. Who gives a? I don't know, I'm not sold on her. How are you? I am great, my God! Another new woman. I haven't seen you in a long time, and I'll tell you, after 20 years,

she looks exactly the same. See, I like this woman because she looks like she's already gonna be a bitch. My husband is nine years younger than me. Oh, Donnie Edwards from the UCBM Chargers. Wigs. My new wigs. Okay, now the drama's starting to kick in. Oh, God. Yolanda.

Yolanda's in like a fucking cryo. She's in like a vat of dry ice. What does that do? Oh, Ken, don't wear white pants in a pool. They pushed Ken into a pool. Kim Richards. Adrienne Malouf. This is like an all-star situation.

This is my will. Oh my god. Yolanda. Yolanda preparing a Lyme disease will. If I die, please stay out of it. They like to pray on the week. Okay, so now they are actually questioning Yolanda. This is very Brooks and Megan.

Faye Resnick. I thought of you as Bambi. Bethany. Don't attack me early in the morning. Oh, my God. You're attacking. I hold a lot in the vault. Are you threatening me? You had it go at me.

Here we go. Now they're starting to fight. I never said it. You! They're saying about her. You have some balls? Tell me you said it. She manipulates all of us and everyone with it.

I think she doesn't want to leave any fingerprints. They better not be talking about Lisa. We're good. How good? Because I need to be really good. No, I can't have Eileen and Lisa Vanderpump fighting. I can't have that. Okay, so those of you who did not have pictures,

it's probably hard to tell what the hell was going on there. Yeah, probably. Okay, let's talk some s*** about that. So that started very light and frothy and ended with some dramatic shit. Oh my god, this show is so dark. It is going to stay the darkest. Yeah.

The others can try and compete, but you just can't. This show always ends up being the darkest fucking show on TV. Hold on, sorry. That's like my Facebook. Can you hear those alien noises? I'm sorry, everyone. It's not your Facebook. It's mine.

I just turned it off. Your life is ding ding dong dong dong dong ding-a-ling dong dong dong it's awful um so it looks like this season we're going to be like everyone who used to be a housewife is coming back and some sort of guest stint and so is faye resnick um and it looks like they're all gonna be be out of each other's throats. I'm not sold on this. Erika Jayne. Is that the younger one? The quote-unquote younger one. I'm not a typical Beverly Hills girl. Yes, you are. You're white trash with money, girl.

I mean, please. She's like, I'm a Beverly Hills girl who likes to eat fried chicken. Like every other girl who came here and got famous because they were hot and eats fried chicken and pretenses. No one expects you to be classy in Beverly Hills, darling. They just expect you to be rich. And she's some sort of singer,

like sings at gay clubs in London. I don't know. That's just... That's not fascinating to me, to be honest. I don't see anything glamorous about that. You think she's too poor for this cast? I do. They need a poor white trash girl,

because they're recasting Brandy. That's true. They do need a poor white trash girl because they're recasting Brandy. That's true. They do need a poor white trash. And then the other woman, her face is all sorts of surgeried up. But she looks like she could be a bitch. So I'm hopeful that she'll be pretty bad. But she wasn't featured in a lot of the trailer. I know that I just saw her for the first time in this trailer.

But all I can think of when I try and remember her is Aviva. That's whose image is replacing her in my head, so that's a good sign. Always. Always a good sign. Or a sign of early onset amnesia. Yeah. Or dementia. Or Alzheimer's.

Dementia. Yeah, whatever. All of them. All three. Yeah, I think it looks promising. It looks like Eileen and Lisa Vanderpump get into a fight, which I don't like because they're my favorites. I like that they were friends. It looks like there's going to be some division that people are not going to be believing Yolanda's Lyme disease stuff.

It looks like Yolanda is, I mean, they show her again being like, I'm going to the ends of the earth to try to figure out how to get rid of my Lyme disease. And they show her in one of those cryo fitness tubes, like as if it's some sort of, listen, they just installed that at my LA fitness. All right. You're not going to the ends of the earth. You just went to the local gym. All right.

Like possibly the Lyme will cure and also my pores will look amazing. Yeah. And by the way, I don't think that cryo fitness is going to cure you from lyme disease i mean it just drives me nuts she's in for those that haven't seen it she's it looks like she's in a a nuclear waste container full of dry ice and her head is kind of like turning around like she's being beingned on the inside. It's basically like how every Marvel Avenger came to be. You know, it's like, oh, this is what happened to Captain America.

You know, he was just like shoved in a tube and then the dry ice came out of it and then he came out as a superhero. So now Yolanda's going to come out as a superhero. I was a model before. Now I'm a supermodel. I had limes before and now I have super limes. Thanks a lot, you stupid hot tub time machine.

Oh, I don't want to see her reaction when she finds out that there's a comic called The Tick. Oh no, what an awful message to send the children. The ticks can be nice. I'm rooting for the Ant-Man to kill the Tick-Man. Or the Spider-Man. I love Paul Rudd. He will come out and perform When we let him out of the basement after dinner

Like everybody Andrea Bocelli Your faces all look completely natural Thank you for having me darling Now Ant-Man and Spider-Man Before you go save the world You must sit here and listen to David play the piano My love

And Taylor's back there In her terrible tea party hat And before you go save the world, you must sit here and listen to David play the piano, my love. And Taylor's back there in her terrible tea party hat like, I hate this song. We listen. We don't save the world here. We listen to the music. I love that they show Taylor and Camille in their terrible. Because you know that that's like a Lisa tea party for dogs with breast cancer. Yeah. It's like something like that because they're all in terrible satin frilly God Save the Queen hats.

Yeah. Easter hats. And that's all you see of Camille and Taylor. This show is so funny. And they go from the ladies screaming munchassins about Yolanda, which is insane, by the way. But they go from that to waxing Lisa Romina's ass. Yeah. But they're literally saying Munchausens.

Like, they're coming out fighting. This is no Brooks where they're like, well, how do we say this? Let's get a psychic. Yeah, call a gay psychic, but so sore. Yeah, that's what we do. No, this one, they're like, bitch, you lying. It's like they don't have someone's alcoholism to uh exploit now so they're like all right we took care of one crazy person and now we're

gonna take care of another admit your problems while i get my ass waxed i can't wait to see who pushed ken into the pool because you know lisa will have none of that and by the way they pushed ken into the shallow end of the pool he didn't even like fall in the water he kind of like fell over on his ass i'm like he's an old man you can't be pushing him over and like flesh roomba into a shallow pool like you broke the roomba who is going to zip jiggy around pump yeah i mean normally we just would assume that it was brandy who did that because she's the the trashy one who would do something like that be like what i was just trying to have fun but now i don't know.

It still might be. We saw Brandy in the preview. Maybe it was like the ghost of Brandy. You know how ghosts do that? Ghosts push people. There's a whole series of videos on YouTube of people walking around and then being pushed to the floor by a ghost. Maybe that's what it was. I like that kind of a ghost. That's a good ghost. Pushy ghosts.

But not old people. Even ghosts have manners. Even a pushy ghost wouldn't push Ken into the shallow end. Yeah, exactly. You know what a ghost would do? A polite ghost would just splash Ken with the water. Rather than push Ken into the water, just make the water come up to Ken. A polite ghost would just come up and then just wave his silent thoughts away at him. Save everybody the trouble.

They'd just whisper into his ear and say you're going to be one of us soon. Another part of this was kill him. Like, and now listen here, Lisa Rinna. You said some pretty crazy things about me. Really? What did she say?

Because recently you've robbed Target with two grocery cards from the dollar aisle. Okay. Like you emptied the dollar aisle into two things and tried to leave. Who's saying crazy things? Stupid. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that Lisa Rinna, I think what she said was, I'm concerned about Kim. I think Kim may still have a problem. You know what I call that? It's probably addiction. I don't think, yeah, no, that was not crazy. She was basically like being very, very obvious. She could have just been saying,

Kim is a female who breathes air. It's about as obvious as that. Lisa Rinna, I wanted to have this discussion on the side of a highway so I could hop over the median in case you got nasty. But okay, P.F. Changs, it is. You're a jerk. Wow.

Looks promising. This is going to be good. Do we know when it's coming back? December 2nd, I believe. And I already cannot wait for the scene of Yolanda gathering all the children around. Yeah. Bella. Ada Wan. Ada other, Blanca, a person who sells towels down in front of our house and is only licensed because I let him.

Come up here. If I die, I want you to have the refrigerator. Get out of here. I leave everything to Gigi. And these boxer tissues to the other one. And the other one can watch her wear the boxer tissues. I leave the main wear to Bella. I leave the maybe could have been written on a napkin wear to Bella, the other one. And I leave a wig and a mask to other other. Try other. Try harder.

Love, Mom. Oh, God. Yeah, it's going to be a good season. Good season. If ever I am unable to speak, know that I am feeling try harder. So, yeah, can't wait for that shot to come back. And it's the return of Real Housewives of atlantopin oh yeah but you know before we do that you know what i have to tell you ronnie about something that i endured

this morning which is that i woke up and i could barely wake up i woke up my eyes opened and i was like i am so tired because it's it's something that I like to call the Casper struggle, which is I sleep so well in my damn Casper mattress that I have a hard time waking up in the morning. Because you know what? If you don't know what Casper is, it's an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price. The mattress industry has inherently forced consumers into paying notoriously high markups. consumers into paying notoriously high markups. Casper is revolutionizing the mattress industry by cutting the cost of dealing with resellers and showrooms and passing that savings directly to the cost of the consumer. A Casper mattress provides resilience and long-lasting supportive comfort. Casper's mattress is one of a kind, a new hybrid mattress that combines premium latex

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And by the way, just for people who want to know, I ordered mine at like 2 a.m. on a Sunday. If you remember, my story is that I got drunk at a club and I came home and I ordered a Casper mattress. I sure remember. If you remember my stories that I got drunk at a club and I came home and I ordered a Casper mattress. And it was – I still remember. Yeah, and I used the Krappens promo code and it was – it had arrived by Thursday. Oh, nice. Yeah. I love it.

I'm not joking at all. Like it's – like I sleep so fucking well on it. You know who could use a good night's sleep in? The cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. They certainly do. And if they don't need a mattress, they certainly need a few seats. I'll tell you that much. Yeah.

Atlanta. Get that pen off the floor. Get that pen. Oh, my gosh. Atlanta is back. Guys, Atlanta seems like it was just on, right? Oh my gosh. Atlanta is back. Guys, Atlanta seems like it was just on, right? Yeah, it's because it's on about nine months of the year,

especially with all the specials that they add on to it. You know, if you think about it, they're probably going to get like 20 episodes out of it, and then there'll be another like three or four episodes of a spinoff. I mean, that's a lot of the year. Yeah. I read that Candy had the most spinoff i mean that's a lot of the year yeah um i read that candy had the most spinoffs ever isn't that crazy she's like the favorite bravo star there was some tea leaked there's somebody like leaking tea all over i need to find that post it's really good actually there's some good shit in there um so let me get casper out of my way no offense casper oh and so i can get to my real housewives

notes uh basically i wrote that opening this season on the real housewives of atlanta i just wrote basically a lot of yelling and huge asses on the floor yeah this season everyone collapses from something yeah it's true um yeah i thought the uh season premiere was it's funny so let me back up before i make my statement which is that i started watching it last night i watched the first half of it last night i was like yeah this is a little dull nothing's really happening and then i finished it today and i was like oh it's fun so um i think it was just one of those episodes where they're kind of just like just getting everything back in order like here's so and so and here's so and so this is what they've

been up to and this is what they've been up to and let's let's work our way it's weird watching one of these shows without the girl music in the beginning because married to medicine had it and now we have it with ladies of london and this show does the opening montage of all the ladies doing something, but it's like, the music is just doing this. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Yeah. Hello, do you guys know girl power music? They don't even have Candy being like, oh, oh. Oh, did you listen to all their opening lines?

I did, but I forgot to write them down. I remember thinking that they were not very good. You know, opening lines, you know, the art of the Real Housewives opening lines is that there's usually a play on words or something clever or ironic. usually a play on words or something clever or ironic um like for instance if you say like i may have a heart of glass but i won't shatter you know that's like a play on words not that that's a real one i just was looking at the glass is the first thing i could think of i may be 50 but my vagina doesn't know what years are yeah but like these were kind of like i may be the new kid on the block but i love peas and carrots it's like what that has nothing to do with the first part of it yeah they're not getting it right they're just saying

and something else yeah uh i have a new hit maker inside of me and i enjoy yelling at my assistant yeah it's just sort of like a list of attributes as opposed to something clever. Cynthia. You may think you can keep me down as a model, but I'm a model. What? She's like, I may be a model, but I also am out of ice cream at the moment and I'm going to the store. I can hold a peach. I can also hold a lot of ice cream

in my ass. They're basically trying to frame this as Cynthia's season because Cynthia has become the star of the premiere episode because she did the most important thing you can do as a housewife, which is have your wife fall apart in some way. And so Peter got caught on Instagram kissing some chick

or whatever in some club, which was hilarious. Yes. And this is becoming her Jackie-O moment, which is like, yes, my husband's a pride, but he's also a leader of Peter's Brew. Yeah, exactly. I can't just

walk out on my personal feelings. I just can't walk out on the genius behind Peter's Brew. I mean... I haven't paid off that Keurig yet. I'm standing by my man. I mean, I just ordered 5,000 white

snowflakes to tape onto the Peter's Brew red cups. If I don't do it, we're going to be attacked for being unchristian. And my modeling career and the bail agency can't have that. I'm putting snowflakes on the cup so people will know that

Christmas is about Jesus here Peters bro you know who else is the snowflake you here's what we're gonna do we're gonna have a green cup instead of a red cup but make sure there's a gingerbread man on each one of them okay otherwise people won't know it's for Christmas don't think it's for the earth oh you know um uh i guess i'm getting ahead of myself a little bit but i i really hate the whole idea of i took a vow for better or for worse i am not just gonna throw out this marriage i'm like you know this really makes me respect phaedra because phaedra is the only one out of all these doofuses on all these franchises who's like, Oh, you cheated on me. Oh, you did this. You broke the law. You're going to jail.

All right, I'm divorcing you. That's it. And I know there's the conspiracy theory that she's behind it all. But just take it on face value that she's just like, nope. Well, but even without my conspiracy theory that vader probably did all this and got him thrown in jail on purpose because he fucked with her even beyond all that even if none of that is true vader is still confident enough to say look i'm a woman of a certain age i want a baby with a hot fucking guy i've got this guy in prison that's already in prison for me for crimes you know for me literally so you know i'm gonna go to his dorm or wherever i'm

gonna go to the halfway house fuck the dude have him get me pregnant and then get rid of him yeah i mean this is like an easy way for her to not an easy way but it's a way for her to get rid of him but it's a brilliant way you know i mean that's girl power right there no matter what you think of the situation that bitch is not going to be bossed around by some man. And I respect that. Well, the show opens. Speaking of getting pregnant, the show opens with Candy. See?

Now, Riley, I'm pregnant now. And Candy is pregnant. By the way, for the new people listening, that's my Candy Bur burris impersonation which candy famously has the most difficult voice to impersonate and every time i've tried to impersonate it i just get a weird bastardized thing that sounds like metal on metal i do want to have a little i can't wear a small anymore but see see now I don't have any smalls in it. It's like a transistor radio trying to tune in. Riley. Mom, but you can't wear a small anymore.

I don't know about that. Anyway, so they go see Dr. Jackie. And of course, Dr. Jackie, top form. She's like, well, you're fat. And look, here's a picture of your baby who's also fat. We've got your baby on a running program. Yeah. Inside of your stomach.

Yeah. She's running through. Your baby is running through the woods in your stomach right now. Holding gallons of water. through a your baby is running through the woods in your stomach right now holding holding gallons of water um uh my i guess they don't know the sex of the baby yet but my only thought was i just hope the baby doesn't come out with todd's beard because that's what i think is gonna happen yeah and while they're taking pictures of the baby what do you call that sonogram yeah while they're getting the sonogram they kind of hear you know you hear in there and you know that that baby was singing off key

candy's face didn't look happy enough it's like she saw that her baby was singing off key and it was really short and had like a really bad goatee and platform shoes it's like mama that is wrong that is wrong mama you know you know it's bad when candy says well if we don't get the sex we want we're gonna try again yeah yeah exactly it's already right she's already preparing the entire family for a do-over i know like look if one of them comes that i've got to have a me eventually right yeah way to uh by the way way to give that kid an automatic uh issue for life like oh you were the one that we didn't want like we're gonna do a do-over for you uh so next we go over to phedra who is wearing a justice headband yes kitchen yes and uh getting all fancy for porsche and you know when porsche's

coming over it's time to whip out the costco freezer goods yeah because you're about to make a buffet yeah exactly i'm surprised you didn't have a bunch of those costco uh wraps you know the cream cheese and the turkey and then you know just get a big old tray for porsche those little brownie those like oh yeah brownie cupcake things the bin of the brownies or you know what you should have gotten you know my favorite costco uh thing is is the uh costco bundt cake oh that's a good bundt cake you just get that for porsche i never trusted bundt cake i didn't like the mold i thought it was creepy i just didn't like the costco bundt cake is the shit it's you know it's filled with all sorts of preservatives to make it super moist, and it's all chocolatey.

Ooh, it's good. I haven't had it in years. Well, I'm jealous that Portia can eat so much and still be so gorgeous, that bitch. I know. She's getting all the food out. And then we're immediately back to Phaedra's weird sayings that are really awkward and oddly sexual, but I don't ever understand what she means. She's like, oh, look at, look at Portia. Portia, look at those bosom buddies.

Got milk. Big booty tangerine. And by the way, I want to point out that Porsche shows up in a Rolls-Royce. Okay? I mean, if you've ever seen a flashing sign of foreclosure, this is it right here. I'm sorry. Dish Nation may have gotten picked up, but she is not earning Rolls-Royce money off of Dish Nation. That is ridiculous. That is what we call a lease. Okay?

That whole paycheck is going to that car. That's what young people do. That's why Vanderpump Rules are all in BMWs now. When did that happen? Well, the BMW is slightly more realistic than a Rolls Royce. I mean, this Rolls Royce, she probably got it from Slade. Yeah, but that's Atlanta's version. Atlanta always goes bigger.

Yeah, that's true. That's her version of Kristen's BMW. But yeah, that thing is ridiculous. Oh, my God. And she has a new ass. I think the implication is that she got an ass implant because she now has a full-on bookshelf back there. Like, that is an Ikea

Bajursta bookshelf. Well, she's always had a gigantic... I know, but it's so big now. It's like it's unnaturally big now. Looks like one of those old-fashioned dresses that, like, women wear in, like, Victorian age or, like, during, like, La Belle Epoque Epoque, you know, where the butt just comes out in the back and there's a wire frame underneath. Yeah, it's like in the olden days when they had those big shelves on their back like in the Cheers opening.

Yeah, exactly, and little parasols. She needs to have a parasol. Yeah, everything's Cheers. Yeah, but Phaedra has really escaped the housewife thing of just mutilating her face. So I guess she's just going to add shit to her ass instead. I mean, you got to keep... Well, not Phaedra. No, Portia.

Portia has ass. I always get that confused. I think she's done a little bit of stuff to her face, but mainly she's gone after her boobs and her butt. I love also that Portia, you know, when we first saw her on this show and she was with Cordell she was like the sweet innocent one you know with like a little bit of a temper but she was like the wide eyed innocent to the world naive to everything

and now she's just like girl she's like I got an ass I got this I got that now she's fucking dudes on insta with her facetime last night I was on facetime you are so sexy he's so sexy i just die and porsche is the first one to say i'm living my truth no apologies what is her truth what is your truth porsche do you have a truth i don't know that's the that's

the fun part you never know the truth. You just know that she's living it. Listen, she just got her tagline from the fortune cookie. Let's be honest. You know, I'm surprised. I honestly am surprised her opening line wasn't like five, 13, seven, eight. Lucky numbers. She read the wrong side of the fortune cookie.

Double-tap to like. What? That's not an opening, stupid. This isn't Instagram. You have to say something. Oh, sorry. She has like her... I imagine the opening.

She has her hands on her hips. She's like, eat more Chinese food. You ever get that one? I've gotten that eat more Chinese food. You ever get that one? I've gotten that one a few times. You ever get that one at Fortune Cookie? Eat more Chinese food? No. I get, like, it's all about to happen.

And it's never happened. I don't trust a cookie. Never trust a cookie. I know. I shouldn't. So the main gossip here is the Cynthia stuff. Yes. This feels so old hat because I guess we've talked about it probably for 10 hours already.

It happened a while ago. Yeah. But, yeah, so Peter gets caught in some club, some girl's taking a secret video of him basically kissing some young thing and putting his hand on her neck. Yeah. Really looks really, really bad. If there's an innocent explanation, it's a hard one to sell. And so Portia and Phaedra start talking about it. And then we cut to Cynthia.

And the music's all like, dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun. It's like scary Cynthia. And so we see Peter walking into their house. And he's like, Cynthia! Cynthia! Like, oh, God, this lug. Babe! Babe! I'm home, babe. Babe, I'm home, babe. This lug. Babe. Babe.

I'm home, babe. Babe. I'm home, babe. And she's drinking on that my husband just cheated glass of wine. It's like a whole tub full of wine. It's like half the bottle. And it's like, oh, no. Husband cheated.

And she's all mad. She's giving all sorts of attitude. It's like, uh-oh. Now he's really the doghouse. Now he's only going to be able to spend 90% of all her money. Yeah. And he's trying to pretend that it didn't – it was no big deal. He's like, whatever.

It was no big deal. So I was in the picture. I don't care. I mean, I leaned over and I whispered to her. I said, the free coffee promo code is Peabrew. That's it. That's it. That's it. She's like Peter

And then I saw some coffee grounds On her lapel So I just wanted to brush them off Very slowly though because I didn't want to hurt her So I just slowly brushed them off Yeah I was just I was eating pumpkin spice La tete off of her vagina

That wasn't even in the picture. Oh, wrong one. Okay. Stupid Peter. Peter's trying to act like it's nothing. Oh, I just leaned over. No, you were like holding this girl's neck and kissing her. The interesting thing here to me is that Cynthia, this music.

Like Cynthia is a threat to anyone ever okay like yeah no one okay i'll stop there but cynthia's not a threat so they're making it like this big dramatic thing and then she's mad not that he's cheating or like most likely cheating she's mad that it's on instagram and he's embarrassing her because she keeps going over and over like well this is embarrassing and you were caught and she says throughout this episode oh i don't believe peter cheated i believe that he does stupid things like every man it's like oh my god well i i actually in a weird way i kind of get what she's saying because it's like either you cheated which is bad or you did something that makes it look like you were cheating,

which you shouldn't have been doing in the first place, and we're public figures, and now I've got to deal with all this shit, and I'll have to defend you, and it's already hard enough because you're already such a dipshit. So I actually kind of understood what she was saying, and I think she's right. I mean, it is embarrassing. Even if it was totally innocent, you know, he has to know better, especially because it's not like this was a telephoto lens. This was some girl directly adjacent to them holding up a camera, like, right in their faces, and he still didn't notice.

Yeah, well, he's there. He's in Charlotte spending her money on some business that he purposely made away from home so he didn't have to be there. With Cordell. Isn't Cordell his business partner, which is shady also? So there's obviously something already going on there that it just kind of leads me to the feeling that it's not that is he cheating.

Of course, I don't even think she probably gives a shit. Listening to what she says later in the episode, I think she's just like, look, if we're going to stay married, you can't be making out with girls on camera you you make me look like an idiot like yeah if you're gonna be if you're gonna if we're gonna do this and be cool with each other then be cool don't be on fucking instagram making out with hoes yeah i still don't see what she gets out of this relationship but um and you know he is such a creep like when she does call him out and says

like you know you're you're kissing someone and touching all over her neck and he goes that's what it looks like to you as if she's an idiot like oh oh that's what it looks like to you like what else is what else does it look like yeah it's like is it oh it doesn't look like you guys are sitting there having a political conversation okay you guys you're touching her neck and her butt and her boob and kissing her and kissing her or getting close or telling her you want to kiss her. You know, like, what else? I think what she gets out of being with Peter is that I think Cynthia is probably just really not interested in having a man. I think she's probably just like, fuck this.

I wanted to do my own thing. But it's very difficult to really be anyone, but especially be a woman and have that kind of attitude. And I think she's just with someone she likes. They're friends and it's what she needs to say on the show maybe she can kind of control him or whatever and just be herself and do her own thing exactly no i mean but the you know peter was uh he the whole thing he was so squirrely he did and he wasn't even contrite he wasn't even like listen it was totally innocent but like, listen, it was totally innocent, but I see how it looks, and I'm really sorry for putting you in that position. I'm sorry. It looks terrible.

You know I love you. And let me do – If people think that, then people think that. So what? Yeah. He should have been like, I realize it looks terrible, and all I can do is earn back your trust and your love and i'm gonna do everything i can to win it back like it was innocent but you know like every it's so easy but instead he was just defensive and he was like oh it was a young lady who frequents my bar which

by the way shows that he is he is already guilty because he starts doing the fake you know the reality star legal talk you know that when when reality stars are trying to prove the case they start trying to formalize case they start trying to formalize their their their what they say like it was a young lady who frequents my bar my bar well what transpired was what transpired that's i'm surprised you didn't say transpired that is like the go-to reality star word like well what transpired 9 59 p.m on the corner of what and who knows? Transpiring was a very lengthy, argumentative story. And if anything, you've seen multiple ways through a camera. And then he starts defending her.

He's like, well, that young lady is actually a nice person. Don't even say that to your wife right now. No kidding. He's like, stop trying to make her out to be a hoe on Instagram. That's not cool, wife. Yeah, exactly. And in fact, when Cynthia keeps saying the embarrassing thing, he's like, well, look at it again.

It's like, what? Don't tell your wife to look at it again. Just apologize, you dipshit. It's like the 9-11 videos. Like, let's just all come up with our own ways. He's like, listen, the reason that the mistress melted was because you went down

her throat and she melted from the inside. Don't ask. Look at it again. If you look, you'll see she's not actually a real human being. It was actually a mannequin. But I did like... Yeah, that's that Peter thing. Let's move past Peter for a minute because then it all becomes about Peter

for the next hour, fucking Peter. so now we get to meet poisha who lives an hour outside of town because god knows you know she's fucked up credit with every landlord in that town her and kenya are probably on the same lists yeah um that her ass is in like a marriott somewhere she needs like a hotel room that has like, she needs like adjoining rooms with the door because the ass is in one room and she's in the other. Yeah. She's like, I love you ass, but I need time alone.

Yeah. He's big. So she is meeting her new man from Instagram. Her Insta man who's 24 years old. Okay. The first things we know about him is that he's wearing copper like penny copper tennis shoes that are untied i'm like he's gonna trip and also

he's bragging about being worth a penny i'm not sure about this yet yeah i'm sure i didn't even notice his untied shoes what are you doing you're in the nfl and you're walking around with untied shoes you're gonna trip and hurt your leg yeah so porsche bagged her an nfl man score and his name his name is duke and he when he finally started talking it was like yeah i almost missed my flight but i got it which was scary because i could have missed it and but i didn't miss it so i'm here and i'm like really you know i'm glad because i could have missed my flight it's like great great yeah awesome cool story bro yeah write that down and then porsche oh baby i requested the best champagne they have cupcake i know i wrote that down too no girl cupcake something called andre andre like send me the best champagne you have.

That's the Bravo room. Just send me the cupcake. Okay, I'll send. You can see, I mean, you know, this is a chance for the hotel to make an easy buck. You know, they're like, okay, let's give her like the $300 bottle. No, let's just give her the $12 one. That's just too cruel. Too cruel.

Why waste this beautiful champagne on these people? I'm not sure about introducing him to my family. I think he's the best thing since sliced bread. And I love bread. Or loaves of bread. Any kind of bread. But mama says he's like swallowing dough. I mean, he is young.

He is really young. He looks young. I think the issue is that he seems like he has no personality. He just seems kind of dumb. But then again, so is Portia. He seems smarter than Portia to me. He seems to be like, what's going on? Like, behind his eyes, I see, what's going on here?

Oh, I saw it as like... He seems a little confused. Yeah, that's true. It probably was pretty confusing for him. I mean, I will say this, though. I mean, he is hot. I mean, good for her. Good for her for finding a hot young man and making him take off his shirt right there on camera.

I was like, yeah, you do that, Portia. Good for you. And then they go into the bedroom and she says, you're going to own this ass tonight? Yeah. And by the way, note that down in case I ever make like romantic greeting cards. And note that she gave him a v-neck and did not take the price tag off and not even after he put it on did he take the price like you know she's not paying for that shit that's going right back to the store first lesson how to tuck

a tag yeah seriously how to deal with customer service agents at target so next we get kenya and cynthia for a nice lovely ride in kenya's car that she can't afford and by the way how much money do they make on this show that they're all riding around in houses on wheels i don't know i i basically want i want to join the show now so that way i can have some fake luxury but you know by the way i was a little surprised that it took this long for kenya to have her first scene in the season premiere because she's kind of like kenya is more or less like the star of the show now right wouldn't you say which argument could be made for that right yeah she is i would think she's the star she's the big star she's the highest paid that's for sure yeah i mean even last year when nini was essentially absent for most of the season they still gave her a slot right in the beginning to be like i'm going on cinderella yeah but if you're fucked over by a man that will always win like kenya really has

got to get a man to get fucked over by because especially in atlanta when your man does you wrong that's when you're the star like no matter what. That's why Nene even tried to invent divorce and shit when she wasn't even having problems. You know, all that stuff was so made up with Nene. She's like, well, now Greg isn't giving me what I need, and now I'm divorcing him and making him sleep in the basement. It's like, what? Out of nowhere.

Oh, what? Now we're going to have a spinoff about our renewal or vow renewals. Oh, shut up. Get out of here. Anyway, she needs to find a man to get fucked over by. So they're taking a drive and then Cynthia's like, I know you want to ask me about Peter, so let me just say that

in our heart of hearts, we feel love and every day I strive to make this a better country while my husband might make mistakes the important part is that he wants to spend more time with the family I'm like you are not running for mayor stop giving me

your man cheated on Instagram just say it keep driving you know listen there are a lot of employees and clients at the Bailey agency who are very concerned right now and they need a strong leader okay once you turn, we're going to learn how to ignore our husband's cheating so that we can

continue our money flow without having half of it taken away. Cut to the rest of the room and there's just a janitor there being like, why are you telling me this? Because one day you're going to have to birth a daughter and she's going to need modeling classes.

And I need business. Poor Cynthia. Cynthia seems so nice. I have no hate for Cynthia at all. Me neither. I actually like Cynthia. I think that Cynthia seems like actually a pretty good person. And generally nice and smart.

She sometimes does annoying things. Sometimes gets a little uppity. And last season, she was a little bit on her own stupid rampage, but I still think she's generally a good person. I just think she's trying to be a bitch and she's a good person. And I respect it, you know,

like you're trying to keep your job. But this whole episode, they kept doing things like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. And then Cynthia does this half squint thing. Like she's doing this like, I'm really meaning it right now because I'm tough, Cynthia. She's made this like face. And she says things like, he's not cheating.

He's just stupid. And it's like, oh, Cynthia's tough. And it just never works. Like she's always just trying to fake it. She's ultimately weak. She always has been. That's what we like about her. I don't need to see her necessarily on my TV.

But I think she's just very nice. She's got a beautiful daughter. A beautiful, lovely daughter. Yeah, she's nice. She just needs to be on TV less. I like when she's just a friend of the friend. And also I have Dr. Laura in my head because I love that radio show or I used to. And it's like you married a loser.

You cannot cry now that he's a loser. Like, I do not feel sorry for you. We all knew. Your own family tried to stop it. And he's been a loser since the very, very beginning. It's not like one of these things where we like him at first and then it turns out he's a loser or he's a loser then we start to like him but then he turns into a loser he's been consistently a loser he didn't trick you yeah always always a loser um so the news with cynthia is also by the way she's making eyewear now it's the entrepreneurial endeavor

of the season i wish it was glass it's mostly sunglasses and i really wish it was glasses without lenses yeah like just fashion glasses that you don't really even need but you wear them to look smart yeah i think you know as as real housewife endeavors go i mean i think cynthia bailey doing sunglasses is you know it's it's like a solid it's a solid idea but i still don't think it's very strong it's not like you know it's just you know it's it's it's a middle of the pack sort of entrepreneurial endeavor you know i trust her doing sunglasses over someone like kenya darling it's a gas station carousel waiting to happen but yeah i don't i still don't see a huge amount of success

in this endeavor. Well, whatever it is, I hope that Peter's okay with half of it. Because how long can she put up with this? I know. So now they're driving around. So now they're driving to see Kenya's house that she's building.

But before they get to Kenya's house, we stop at Chateau Charest. And we see Chateau Charest. And it looked like a giant house made of cardboard. It looked like a big cardboard house with glue. Or maybe a gingerbread house. All I know is it's been four years.

I'm actually surprised it's not so much. He would build a gingerbread house just to get the humongous NFL player back to eat something. He'd be like, I'm actually surprised it's got so much. He would build a gingerbread house just to get the freaking humongous NFL player back to eat something. He'd be like, I'm coming back, babe. You've made the house out of cookies. I'm back in. Yeah, so of course Kenya has to use her first scene of the entire season to bash Sharae before she's even on screen by stopping in front of Chateau Home Depot box. And it's, I mean it's cute.

It's like one of those nouveau homes. Where like we were talking about last week. Where people are like I want a castle. And castles have horse. You know gigantic hollow. Plastic horses. Hugging in the air. In front of their home or whatever.

Water fountains. In reality. You know they're just like projects with sandwich shops. All castles. Castles. It's certainly no Danish castle, that's for sure. So she makes fun of Chateau Charest. Chateau, she can't pay. Yeah.

Chateau, she can't pay. And then we go on to, then we see Kenya's new home, which to Kenya's credit, at least it's not a typical McMansion. It has a windy driveway and it's sort of shaped like a big shoebox on one end. And it's a decrepit crack house kind of. Yes, it's very run down and broke. But she does. But she did buy it. I mean, when you buy a foreclosure, you buy that shit.

And I actually thought it looked cool. You're not going to be living in your car. Your car may be taken away one day, but at least you'll have a house to live in and not the other way around. Porsche! Yeah, I actually thought it looked cool. So I'm excited to see how that gets rehabbed. What's that 80s movie like modern style house you know yeah everything is gonna be that colored blown glass yeah uh-huh there'll be some circular

windows yeah yeah i miss those houses actually i remember growing up everyone had those house even actually even my house growing up my parents built like in addition to it we used to have like this really small house and then they built this whole set like a like a section to it and it totally had that asymmetric 80s roof on it where it's like this big angled slant you know because you know the classic house is it comes together at a point it's two slants reaching at the top but in the 80s it was all about having that rooftop that was just one big angle and that's totally what we have. Totally 80s darling. Oh my god darling. You lived it. I lived the 80s. So Kenya's walking through and Cynthia's

pretending that she's so afraid of spiders and she can't imagine life in a used home basically. And it's like oh well you know at least she doesn't have somebody you know stinking up her house. And by the way, credit to Cynthia. After all these years, she's still in this small house that she's had since the beginning.

It's like that weird house that is attached to another house or something. It's like a two-family home or whatever. Well, as Kenya and Cynthia both prove on this show, when you're actually making your own money, you're a little bit more respectful of how you spend it generally i mean kenya is rolling around in the rolls and cynthia is rolling around in a peter but for the most part you know they're like this is my investment i will sell when i can make more money you know i'm gonna work for that money they're not waiting for some man and cynthia's house is totally nice but it's just funny because everyone else has these ridiculous mcmansions that

they obviously can't afford and she and peter are still in the same pretty modest house as these housewives go. Well, you've got to be able to find Peter immediately to see what his ass is doing because you know it's always doing something wrong. She'd probably get another house, but it would be so expensive to rewire the whole thing to be like catching him in the act well i'm sure every time they're ready to buy a new house she's like oh hey babe sorry by the way i uh i bought a warehouse downtown and we're gonna have all our peter's brew operations there and the entire peter brew cafe is gonna be a big warehouse we're opening up peter's payless shoes but plastic we were just about to close on the house why did you spend the money every single time he buys another warehouse by a highway man cynthia is one of those girls i just wish i could give one piece of advice to you and it would solve everything girl change your pin

number yeah yeah change it change it so anyway next up is phedra and her mother her mother who's now the nanny god bless her heart god bless poor moms they pretty much spent this scene talking about apollo and you know talking to apollo and she's going to divorce apollo and um phedra's running from a mayor speech this is the beginning of the season where everybody gets their opening statements everybody gets to say here's what's going on in my life from my side and this is phaedra like well you know of course mother i'm upset but our family is the most important thing and our children getting to speak to him is very important which is why i take calls from him yeah but he said publicly that he wanted a divorce so i'm going to just give him what he wanted publicly. His mom's like, yes, he sure asked for that.

They're framing it like, remember when Apollo asked me for a divorce, and now I'm only doing what he asked? Please stop calling me a terrible mother on Twitter. Exactly. But what I also loved was this was almost like the nicest they've spoken about Apollo in a while. Like, well, you know like well you know sometimes we get nice apollos we get not nice apollo and then phaedra says he's had a lot of time to and you think she's gonna say think about things or be introspective but she's like no

he's got a lot of time to get on my nerves even from prison i'm like oh okay that's it i totally thought she was gonna say something something nice. He's thought about things. He's thought about our marriage. He's just annoying me more. Yeah, Phaedra can try, but she can never, ever, ever hide the Shadra underneath it all. Never. Never. So Candy and Todd are up next.

Because speaking of, I guess we're going to end up with Phaedra talking about her version with the reality version. At least according to Todd, which who knows because he's a total Apollo dick sucker. But he and Candy are clearing their garage for a baby, whatever that means. Like, I don't know if they're going to put the baby in the garage. Time to buy a new house to add on to their compound. Just put it in Mama Joyce's old house. It's still there. With no walls.

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your friend Phaedra owes me money. And if she's going to be talking shit about Apollo and not even paying me. And so he's going after her for money now, which is the ultimate insult for Phaedra. So now we know that real knows how to get a bitch. Well, now we also realize why Candy and Phaedra have rifted. Now it all makes sense. There was money. There was money involved.

Phaedra did not pay Todd for her fine baby DVD. And now we see where, because it didn't make sense last year. Why are they rifting? They said they're rifting. Neither one of them feels enough to fight about feelings. Like they don't feel, I'm not saying they don't have feelings, but they don't have the normal girl, like, I don't know. They don't have the normal girl drama.

They're pretty real. That's why they were fun friends. But of course, yeah, when it comes down to money yeah that's their that's both of their kryptonites yeah and candy is pretty um she's pretty alpha she's so sweet and so nice in the show but like you don't fuck with her like you just don't fuck with candy um if you do you're gonna be iced out and you know she was taken advantage of once by kim zolciak and it's not gonna happen again yeah well we find out uh in the previews for next week that he did pay her 30 000 bucks but he still is owed eight but we'll get to that next week but for now it's about money and candy's like

i really don't want to be talking to phaedra about money but she's gonna have to yes she will uh what do you think of this todd and apollo thing i think it's weird to be honest i think um apollo really he broke the law and he admitted that he broke the law and i i've always been someone that believes that friends are a pretty good reflection of, of who you are. And, uh, I know you should be judged by who you are and not your friends, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. But I don't think I personally would want to keep hanging out with someone who is a criminal. Like if, if, if, if someone, if one of my good friends I found out was doing something shady like that, I'd be like, okay, cool.

Like, I'd still, maybe I'd be friendly with them after they got out of jail eight years later, but I wouldn't still be, like, chatting with them on the phone and, like, holding on to their motorcycles, like, yeah, we're best bros. Yeah, he defrauded some people.

It's like, no, like, dude, like, you are shady, and one thing I've learned in life is that when you know someone is shady and you think oh but we're friends whatever they wouldn't be shady to me they're always gonna be shady to you at one point i've i have a very specific turn right i have a very specific experience with someone who i was always like yeah this guy he's he's like a snake in the grass but like we're cool uh and it's fun to watch him being a snake of the grass to other people but he wouldn't be a snake in the grass, but we're cool. And it's fun to watch him being a snake in the grass to other people,

but he wouldn't be a snake in the grass to me. And sure enough, he turns around and gets you. My thing isn't even the criminal stuff. It's mostly just thinking, okay, these three guys hanging out. So it's Peter, Todd, and Apollo. What the hell do you think they're doing? Nothing good. Because every time one of them's in trouble

it is nothing good nothing i think even beyond the criminal stuff it's like that seems like if i was a wife i'd be like uh-oh i i also think too that candy was friends with with uh phedra first right that's where their friendship is and And then Todd got to know Apollo through that, and they became friends and everything. But I think it's actually kind of messed up that they are, like, on Apollo's side or whatever when Phaedra, like, the link is Phaedra, you know? It should be that Candy is loyal to Phaedra,

and ultimately, I think Todd should back up his wife and her friendship with Phaedra. But of course, now we learn about the money stuff. So now it's like, oh, now everything starts to make sense. Also, Candy is forgiving. Like, she's forgiving in so much as she'll still be nice to you in public. But Candy is not an idiot. And Phaedra really fucked her over as far as emotionally.

Because Candy, I think, was actually friends with Phaedra really fucked her over as far as emotionally because Candy I think was actually friends with Phaedra and so when Phaedra pulled some Real Housewives bullshit in their friendship I think Candy was like you're done like you're not it's not even all of the you're not there and blah blah blah when she oh that's what you're saying I'm sorry

yeah when she pulled all of that like going after her really for no reason. Yeah. Instead of talking to her and, like, realigning and all of that shady shit that she was doing. I think Candy was like, fuck you. Like, I thought we were real friends and now you're just going to be a real housewife with me? Then fine, we'll be real housewives friends.

Bye. Right. You're dead to me. Yeah. Well, I think also, yeah, I think Candy was probably caught off guard. I mean, i don't think candy's totally innocent she probably could have been more supportive to phadra maybe we really don't know the situation because we don't know what role this money played in it we don't know

what role but beyond the emotional stuff that whether it was real or not phadra going to nini and making it a thing with nini against Candy, that's when it became betrayal. It went beyond your feelings and it became a realignment. That was shit. Yeah, because Candy thought they were still good. Because you know what it is? Sometimes you have friends where you're so good with that, even if you don't talk for a month and a half, you know you're still good. Because you trust the friendship, you know that everyone's busy month and a half, you know you're still good. Because you trust the friendship.

You know that everyone's busy doing their own thing. I thought that was shady of Phaedra last season. Because Candy was kind of blindsided and she was really sad about it. If you hurt her feelings like that, then you showed her your true colors. And I think she'll be like, I know. Yeah, and they also really egged on Paedra too she fell right for it like there was the big fight and and candy stayed back so you didn't get up from the table and then phaedra was like you know they were like well notice that candy didn't come and come didn't get up and come after you phaedra did you notice that

can didn't phaedra candy was candy stayed back you can see where loyalties are where they are always had a guilt a guilty look to me during that whole thing. She knew that it wasn't cool what she was doing, but she just did it anyway. She seemed to know in my mind. I mean, who knows?

I just make shit up while I watch this. She seemed to feel not right about it because she wasn't going after it with as much verve as she usually does but anyway it's kind of sad but for the most part I'm down with someone like Candy who's like okay you're officially full of shit bye

do you know how Phaedra got on this show no because I didn't either and it was this in the tea thing that this guy was spilling and I'm so sorry but we sifted and I couldn't find it but just a uh just a general just a general he was saying that uh it was all this gossip about different housewives and bravo and how they relate to bravo and uh hers was she gave them whitney and bobby oh yeah

which put them on the map and they always wanted her to be in front of the camera and she wouldn't do it and then they finally talked her into it so i of the camera and she wouldn't do it. And then they finally talked her into it. So, I mean, I guess she's been around for a long time and they've been trying to get her on camera. I never knew that. Yeah, that's interesting. I didn't know that either. Anyway, so let's go back to the show.

There was a scene with Candy and Todd and Riley, which they're like maternity dresses, blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so then we uh then we have cynthia and i just have this note where i wrote cynthia saying she's talking about her her eyewear and she goes the cynthia bailey train is on the move and i'm like yeah that's why there's the phrase train wreck okay like your train may be on the move but it's not going anywhere good right now i'll tell you that much uh and then uh her sister mallory comes mallory mallory comes over to visit and she's got this like uh wednesday adamsy yeah she's hated peter's beginning since the beginning mal has hated p. And now she is so excited. Oh, she comes over wearing told you so face. Yeah.

I mean, she's like, hello, told you. Actually, that's kind of her face is always told you so face. And she's, I think, sometimes shocked that she doesn't have the opportunity to say told you so. She's like, wait a second. I thought for sure I was going to be able to tell you told you so today. It's like Cynthia's like, wow, Mall mallory i haven't seen you in so long why your face makes sense today i think this is the first time that i've ever understood it yeah mallory's like hello how are you feeling told you so yeah told you so cynthia told you

told you cynthia so peter like you can't be you can't be with Peter. She basically was saying, like, so, Peter, right? Like, so you're going to divorce him now, right? And then that's when Cynthia is doing this whole thing, you know, like, I don't know where I stand, da-da-da-da-da-da. And Mal's like, well, are you attracted to Peter anymore? And she's like, so he's like, yeah, I am. She's like, even with the clothes off? She's like, i am she's like even with the clothes off she's like yeah she's like tell the truth this was cold mallory because you know you know that cynthia told her that in private already and she's making her say it on camera yeah which is a dick move

mallory oh my god and amazing too so good yeah So good. And Cynthia's like, no. And then that's when, of course, Cynthia then starts making excuses. Like, well, I mean, he wasn't a supermodel when I married him. I know that much. And I'm not going to give up on this. I mean, how many times does he have to mess up? Yeah, I think. I don't even know what to say about their relationship.

Just Mallory was hilarious. No. Are you attracted to him naked really tell the truth oh you have to want to fuck him like oh now she's like so uh do you think you guys will stay married for a long time yeah really no we'll be here for you well we told you we would be here for you and we were here for you just like we told you we would be here for you and we were here for you, just like we told you that Peter was terrible and he's terrible.

We're always right. We love you. We love you. We love you. Yeah, no, this is, I just don't understand. Like, Peter has fucked up so many times. I understand that Cynthia doesn't want to give up

for better or for worse, but how many for-worses have to happen before for-worse becomes normal? I don't know. It's like getting upset that you got a puppy and then it shits on the rug. Like, you're with a puppy. I mean, in this case, it's not cute and cuddly and forgivable.

It's like a total douchebag who is, like, disrespecting you from day one. But even a puppy learns. Even a puppy learns at a certain point. Well, old dogs don't, though. I mean, that's why you should get a puppy and not adopt okay thanks for listening to watch what crappens not adopt i wear launch dun dun dun dun dun will peter make it so yes like i really hope that peter makes it i told him that there were going to be a lot of 20-year-olds and no one was allowed to open their Insta.

I liked how when Phaedra walked into the party, as soon as she walked in the door, you just hear her go, hmm. I just love that. Even if they just took it from a different part of the show, she's walking in already disappointed and shady. So enter the Arco Food Mart.

Yeah. The Arco Food Mart mart where there are lots of sunglasses carousels yeah and m&ms and people are just scrolling through them trying them on i'm like wow aviator glasses yeah yeah this is silent disco i hate silent discos but they're one of those going on you know i once had a birthday party at a bar and the palette darling the palette do you remember this i do when there was a silent disco going on so there was no music going on at my birthday party and it was so awkward because you couldn't just have the it's either you put on the the earphones and then you can't talk to anyone or you talk to people and it's silent and it's awkward dancing on my own with others yeah it's a sign of our time speed but then also we were rolling

our eyes at that shit like four years ago atlanta get with it yeah yeah seriously so then seriously so then candy enters and candy is just like me she's like like, you know, I'm already hungry. I'm like, yeah, me too. Oh, poor Candy. She found a T-shirt to wear. Yeah, she did. How is Candy not gone shopping for maternity clothes? Candy, you're rich, bitch. Go shopping.

Yeah, get yourself a Moo Moo. Get you some pee in the pod. They have cute stuff. Yeah. Lord knows I've ended up there enough times. Not for myself, myself but you know with preggy friends um so let's see so then marlo shows up marlo hampton she's back and they're all talking and kenya's chatting with marlo and says that sheree lives on the corner and literally on the corner. Yeah, so Kenya is immediately going in.

So she is attacking Sheree this entire episode already. She is ready for Sheree and she thinks she's going to take her down. Is this bitch crazy? Yeah. Kenya has gone after some big targets and that's what she's great for.

But she's got to know that she's not going to be able to take down Sheree. or not i think charie is harder to take down than nini it just so happens that andy liked nini which is why shrek got kicked off the show but charie i mean she was the villain of season one i mean she is you you cannot take down charie whitfield and even nini couldn't take down charie like in yeah charie does not care that's the thing nini cares i mean nini gets so defensive because she really cares when people are telling her off on twitter and telling her all this stuff like she gets very defensive uh charre not so much she'll just punch you yeah she'll take her wig off okay charre chasing nini out of that restaurant screaming about her porcelain teeth and her uh

leased car or whatever yeah exactly was probably the funniest fucking thing i've ever seen i mean and let's not forget fix your teeth fix your face wasn't that charade who said fix your face to fix your teeth right or is it i think so because that that's where i'm very rich bitch that's where that comes from yeah no charrette you don't mess with charrette and charrette when she does come back which i guess we'll get to crazy crazy face yeah she comes back even it's like the hulk yeah literally but we'll get to that in just a second so first though we have so cynthia's late to her own party and phadhaedra is like, that is a faux pas, which in French means a no-no. I'm like, yeah, Phaedra, I think we know what a faux pas is. I don't think we have to have a – thank you.

Thank you for educating us on French. It's like in Spanish, it's no-no. Thank you, Phaedra, you multilingual doll. And isn't Phaedra famously late for all her baby showers and stuff like that? Oh, Jesus. She's like, don't take me in on the helicopter until Mr. President has hit number three on the billboard shot. I need all nine birthday cakes lined up before I arrive. So then Peter does show up.

And sure enough, so he comes over to Kenya and Marlo and... I'm here to support Cynthia. I'm wearing Ray-Bans. Yeah. And Kenya's being a little cold, but she's not... Honestly, Kenya's

being pretty controlled considering it's Kenya, right? Oh yeah, she's just giving him a uh-huh, hello. That's her classic move. She's kind of play being mean to him. She's doing the I'm not giving you a hug, hello

Peter. And then she's like, so where have you been? And he's like, oh, you know, I was just hanging out with the video people. He's making a joke about the girl. What? What does that mean? Oh, you know, I was just hanging out with the video people. You know, he's making a joke about the girl. He's like, what? What does that mean? Oh, you know, the girl from the Instagram.

You know, the girl I was whispering in her ear. That girl. Yeah, I had my fingers in her. That's not funny, Peter. You know, the girl I was boning. You know, I actually got her a chicken bone because she likes to don and we have a lot of chicken bones in the back. You know, boning on it. My penis feels like a newborn because it just came out of a vagina.

You know, that's just a phrase. That just means I know her. She's a very lovely girl who frequents Bar One. So, I was letting that girl fill out a comment card with a tongue on my dick. Peter Sprupe. Peter Sprupe. So, then they start to get into like a full-on fight. And he's like going after kenya but i think

kenya i mean obviously kenya was in the right in this one she's kind of like you have to like shut up you know and be yeah be better yeah and then he goes off on her he's dumb bitching her everything what was he yeah yeah not not good peter but he's doing his classic thing his classic thing of going on you shut the fuck up you stupid It's like, why don't you just be played by Joe Giudice and let's just end this circle. Seriously. So what? Who cares? So what?

Who cares? Who cares? So what? Brew, brew, brew. So what? Who cares? So then Kenya and Marlo go over to the circle of women and, of course, say exactly what just happened. And then on top of that mal shows

up and then mal just tells everything everything that she just talked to about with cynthia she's like she's like yeah cynthia does not attract it to peter and he has a ward in his penis and uh sometimes when uh he comes uh it goes out in two different directions whoa mal you're telling everything aren't you yeah mal too much mal reel it in mal yeah she's giving it up and the ladies are cracking up because she is going so far like i get that you don't like peter but don't you have any sort of allegiance to your sister jesus and then portia well a girl can't fake it because our heart is connected to our vagina. I was like, what?

What did you just say? That doesn't even make any sense. Yeah. Yeah. Your vagina is connected to a Wells Fargo account. Don't. Please. Get out of here.

Romantic. Yeah. And it's defaulting. Cynthia, you've just been yeah your vagina is tied to a wells fargo account and your vagina oh said wells fargo account 36 for over time get the tj batch batch my vagina's being foreclosed on that wasn't even a proper porsche voice it's just what came out of me so cynthia finally arrives in a bikini yes and peter's like oh that was an entrance an entrance for your ass like keeping it classy peter keeping it classy

as always you know who else made an entrance my dick into some girl from minster oh he's such a such a low life uh Candy meeting Sharae was really cute. She was like, wow, Sharae, you know, she's just such a strong. Talking about Candy? Yeah, Candy was saying something about Sharae, and she's like, her body is amazing. You know, one day, see, I'm going to have to ask her how to bounce back. She's like, I'm going to have to ask her how to get my body to bounce back. I'm like, bounce back to what?

Come on now. You were never a Sheree body. And that's good, girl. Eat your Entenmanns. Sheree would be much happier if she had an Entenmanns once in a while. Well, actually, if you look back to that video from like 10 years ago, where I always forget it every time we talk about it, the name of

the song was like it's like shaking shaking you in that booty you in that booty candy's in that video and she's real thin so technically she does candy candy but she looks too thin too skinny i like her where she is now yeah but i'll never go to charrette. You will not be a non-cranky person. Yeah. Candy on a diet. No thanks. Nope. Nope. Now, by the way, when Sharae showed up, some people mentioned this.

Bravo did something weird to her voice. It was like they slowed down her voice because when Sharae first showed up, she was like, Hey, girl. How are you today? It's like, what is going on? I am your father. What are they doing to Sheree's voice? It made no sense.

Sheree came in and she was like, I'll get that whale. Sheree, Nini is gone, alright? Let it go. The moose, the moose, the moose, the moose. So it's no surprise that Sheree showed up because Cynthia was on the other end of the party talking about how she wanted to arrive by helicopter. And you know, it's like surprise that Sharae showed up because Cynthia was on the other end of the party talking about how she wanted to arrive by helicopter.

And, you know, like it's like helicopter arrival. Like there's like a thing of smoke and there comes Sharae. Like that's my move. The helicopter. Oh, yeah, totally. Of course. That's trademarked. That was season two.

She wanted the helicopter. That's why she got in the fight with a party planner. I think she should sue Brooks just for stealing poetry. She was the first one who wanted poetry. And now Brooks does it every episode. She wanted a helicopter and a poet. That's all she wanted. What about customer service?

Party planners are lazy in Atlanta, darling. So African tongues. Why am I writing that? Oh, yes. So Sheree goes over to meet the group. Did I skip anything with Sheree coming in? Nope. So Sheree goes over to meet the group, and Kenya is ready for her. And Phaedra, of course, reminds us of the first time that Sheree and Marlo met in Africa.

Yeah. Got mapped by. No, no, no, no. They're like, how do I do it? How do I do it? How do I do it? How do I do it? That had me laughing out loud when they showed that clip so what i loved is so so kenya goes in this is classic kenya she's smiling and she's like

yeah we're neighbors and it's funny because the neighborhood the whole neighborhood's asking what's going on with your house and then so you you see Kenya's already going in for the kill. And you're like, oh, Kenya, be careful now. Because then Sheree's like, who's the whole neighborhood? Like, uh-oh. And Sheree, by the way, is sweaty. She's like, got a sweaty face. And her mascara, it's almost like she opened her eyes so wide that her mascara made a print on the top and bottom.

So she's got that Tammy Faye Baker print on her lids and below eyes. Well, the producers were probably like, hey, Sheree, are you available to shoot tonight? She's like, yeah, I'll be right there. She's like running across Atlanta. I'm here. I'm here. What's going on? Sweating.

I rubbed my eyes. Do I have anything on my eyes? No, Sheree, you look great. Let's just keep filming. Crazy face. What? Who are these neighbors? What now? Neighbors? Who are they? And Kenya's like, well, I live up the block from you

and everyone's complaining about your house because it's like scaring the babies. It's scaring the children he's like who who now now maybe you should tell these neighbors that if they own a home and they build a home

they can talk about it but until then they can rent yeah I think your neighbors do own yeah that's the problem they want to sell theirs they don't want Chateau Chere honestly I think that Kenya's is more of the issue. Yeah, no kidding. And Kenya's like, well, everybody's

worried about our property values. I was like, Kenya, you just bought a crack den. Yeah, you just bought a foreclosure. You should be thanking Charest for lowering the prices. Exactly. Now you hope for her to get it remodeled so you make more money. Come on, businesswoman.

And then Kenya starts spouting this bullshit. She's like, well, my father's in construction, and I know for a fact it takes about six months to build a home from the ground up. It's like, what? Like, why don't you talk to Heather Dubrow about that, huh? No kidding, but that's not how that house was built anyway. Sheree's like, oh, yes, does your family know how long it takes to bag an NFL man long enough to get most of the money to build Chateau Charest from a mortgage standpoint? And then lose said man and then find a way to get the money to finish said home? Does your family in construction know anything about that?

This house wasn't built by construction workers. This house was built by my vagina. And it will finish. Yeah, she's like, my vagina is attached to her crane so uh well the best is though so kenya's trying to go at shiree and then shiree is just at first she's just being nice well not nice but like fake nice and she's like she's like oh so how's your house uh how's it is there a lot of mold in there and everyone's like oh kenya's like i can't believe you said that fader's like oh lord and she's like yes and my family's in construction and they know about mold i like when kenya starts screaming at people it's so funny i know and then they start yelling and

then that's what i i start i couldn't understand what sheree said but at one point she said something that sounded like get your coat there's gonna be a flood you better know how to swim maybe she said get your boat i don't know i don't know what she said but let's talk about a flood and swimming and i was excited something like sheree first of all all of the party has gathered to watch they're like we're at a housewives show they're just eating popcorn and kind of pointing and laughing camera phones are out uh but uh she's like sheree is screaming at me and i'm gonna slice her like that air mattress she sleeps on yeah that was that was funny that was a good line she's acting like i just slashed the air mattress she's been sleeping on every fight on this show ultimately comes down to who's richer and then of course it's not a kenya fight

without kenya turning herself into the victim she's like all of a sudden she's yelling at me you know as if i've done something i'm just telling her what the what the neighborhood is saying that's all i'm doing i'm just talking about what the neighborhood she's coming after me she told her only one in your business is is the IRS because they ain't got their money. So good. She was so bitchy and mean for no reason. But I like it because it brings Sharae back in a place where she's defensive. And that's when Sharae's the best.

Sharae. God, I love when Sharae's the villain. Now, I wrote down a note. My last note. It doesn't make any sense. I wonder if I had a typo. I said, Sharae saying Kenya, I love when Sheree's the villain. Now, I wrote down a note. My last note, it doesn't make any sense. I wonder if I had a typo. I said, Sheree saying Kenya lives in a touch. What? Lives in a touch?

I don't know what that means. I probably didn't mean touch. Probably someone said touch on screen. I wrote down touch instead of Well, she said something like, have fun in your moldy house. Like, don't get brain damage or something. And then Kenya yelled, well, at least i'll be in a house you'll be outside freezing your tits off because your ass can't move in so funny

and then sheree is trying to throw a drink but porsche is stopping her and she's like no no props andy said no props trust me no props wow so atlanta welcome home and then on a good note so glad to have sheree back into the mix next week we get kim fields which i mean i don't care about kim fields to be honest it doesn't do anything for me i'm excited more excited about having uh having sheree back she buys sheree well i'm excited excited about charie and i'm excited to see what happens because charie was supposed to be a main housewife okay here's some really quick gossip so charie obviously was supposed to be a main housewife that's why she came back and then she was shafted at the end and made a non-housewife and she didn't know this until after filming so she was having a

fit about that and what's the other charade thing? Oh, she's suing somebody for stealing her show idea. Oh, one of the producers. She said Sweet talked to her, got her back on the show, promised her she was going to be a housewife. And then she told him about an idea for another show she had. And guess what the idea is? It's women real estate agents in Atlanta. And that's Kenya's new show.

At least she sold it so something shitty went on in not denmark poor charay poor charay so i think kenya like stole her show and then not denmark i mean that's cold something is rotten in the state of buckhead kenya got her ass on the show, ruined her again, took her show, and then got her to be not a housewife. Dang, girl. Dang. Well, you know, to be fair, like, real estate agents in Atlanta,

it's not that original of an idea. Not original, but it's not like a crazy idea that only one person could have thought of. And second of all, Shrey should be happy to be back on Bravo. Because you know what? Because we're all loving her right now, and we all support her. And that's the end game. And that's the long game.

Sure, Kenya may have gotten the show on, but Sheree has the people. Sheree has the people. Yeah, Sheree is the fisherman's wife. I mean, she'll never be happy. She could have her own show on NBC that's number one and she'd be like, why aren't I doing movies? Why isn't she doing movies? That's a great question

um i no one's ever asked ever before today um i would like to take a picture of charrette and frame it and put it onto my wall and you know what i'm gonna do you know how i'm gonna do it ronnie do you have any idea how i'm gonna frame a picture of charrette because i have a good idea well then tell me i think i might use framebridge which is this great online framebridge.com is this great online service that allows you to frame photos and stuff did you know that yes do you guys take a thousand photos that never put uh a single one around them now you can get those great memories off of your camera and on your wall with framebridge.com yeah so next time you take a picture of charrette you want to frame it this

is what you do it's like first of all it's affordable prices start at just 39 and are up to 70 less than traditional framing stores go to framebridge.com choose your frame from their curated collection upload your art and preview it before you buy can't upload your art no worries you can mail it in for free your framed piece arrives at your home ready to hang there's like wood molding uv protective acrylic and acid-free matte and foam boards you can choose from clean and classic to more eclectic styles or have one of frame bridges designers make a recommendation. And if you are throwing a fashion show and you've got no fashions,

something that's really great you can do is you can draw out what the fashions would be, and then take them to Framebridge and print them out and have a fashion show with no fashions. But Framebridge framed photos instead. If you want to hire a party planner to write poetry for your entrance, you can have that framed as well. Hang it in your bathroom. We love FrameBridge, and we know you will too, you guys. It's so easy to use and so much more affordable than traditional frame stores.

True that. Right now, FrameBridge.com has a special offer just for our listeners. Take 15% off your first order and free shipping when you use our code SIDESHOW this is a great deal but it's only available this week so to get started framing your art or picture go to framebridge.com

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and use the code sideshow and save yes and thank you frank bridge yeah all right so now we are on to the main event the winner of the 2014 crappy for best bravo show was it yeah this one we gave it beat out game of crowns it was between this and Game of Crowns, and it won. It actually won several categories. And if we actually had written down what those categories were, we'd be able to tell you. I have a feeling one of them was best. Basically, Vanderpump Rules is the Titanic of Bravo. It's just big and sweeps all the categories.

titanic of bravo it just big and sweeps all the categories it hit a glacier it sank but then it just keeps flowing and kathy bates is still working darling yeah it's it's almost like the titanic almost sank all the way but there's like a still piece of it that's bobbing around in the ocean and still giving great stories yes we've been enjoying the wreckage ever since it hit that iceberg in minute one of episode one. Yes. This show is so fucking good. So last week you were talking about the opening. And I'd like to talk about that some more.

Please. What were your observations? Were you pointing out that they were unspilling things this time? No, I was pointing out that Sheena's face looks totally distorted. Oh, okay. So I noticed this time that normally they're spilling drinks in every season. And this season, they're, like, catching drinks? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. They're not spilling anymore. Like, maybe they're learning. And also, like, fireworks are coming up. I don't know why that's happening. I love that Lisa always walks into the restaurant and takes off her hat and just throws it. I'm just imagining what customer is sitting there that gets a hat chucked at their face.

I was just about to eat my tuna tartare. Someone just got stabbed in the head by one of the giant lanterns that was hit by the hat. Oh, and antiquity just fell into my salad because it was knocked over by a flying hat.

My husband died at your restaurant. The horrible Yelp reviews from Lisa's hat. A purple neon light just shattered because a hat flew into it. Well, I had vision until I went to eat at Sir and had a hat thrown into my eyes from Marcy

from Dakota. I was just about to eat a goat cheese ball when all of a sudden a pink fluffy hat came right in the way and chopped it in half. And somehow I still got warts. Lisa is basically like

what's the name of the guy from James Bond who throws the hat and like chops off people's heads with his hat who's now like just got arrested for doing something awful for murdering someone. I don't know. Short stack. And I think of a naked Pierce Brosnan. I think his name is like short stack or something like that.

Short stack. I don't know. I'm going to look it up on my phone. We don't have those short stacks in here. But I would love something that's like a flat piece of dough that's round. The children might like it. We're revolutionizing the industry, Penny!

Get to the kitchen, darling. Chef Penny, come over to sir. You're working here now. Oh, his name is Oddjob, not Shortstack. Oddjob. That's Max. She's like, Oddjob, get in here, darling. I was thinking about Max. Max is so cute. He's like one of the

Bravo kids that you're just rooting for because he's just so normal and sweet and nice. And he's like some stoner. But I was thinking, you know, Lisa's done a really good job with this kid. I mean, yeah, he's a busboy still, but he's working and he's obviously a stoner and not on meth because, you know, he gets chubbier every season.

And I'm like, smoke on, darling. That's a sign of good parenting, having chubby kids without missing teeth and meth face. I know, I know. He's on the way. Soon he'll be up to waiter level. Soon he'll be able to work WordPress, darling, and we can start a new empire. Soon he'll be able to join a divine addiction. Max, I'm still waiting on your blush article.

Is it because he's adopted that he's lazy? Or is it the maid who raised him's fault? So anyway, the episode opens... Lisa walking in to meet Lala. Lala, who is basically... Well, hello, Lala. Lala is basically the new hot hostess who wears Angeline makeup.

Totally. She's Angeline. Oh, my God. This show needs to get the piano player in the middle of the restaurant. I know. I've said that a million times. And also, Shirley Ralph. Oh, they do.

Wait, they do have a new black waitress. Oh, my God. They are doing It's a Living. They are doing It's a Living. Lala is Angeline. Faith is Charlie Ralph And the piano player is obviously Tom Tom?

No it's the record player It's James in the back Oh yeah it's James of course That was a good joke let me change the mood I can't let anything get in the way of my DJ career In the corner of Sir I'm gonna press play on Thriller and Ann Jillian's

Torch Song at the same time. Alright. I did it. Isn't there... Sorry, go ahead. No, I was just going to ask a very important question, which is, isn't there another waitress on that show? It's Ann Jillian, Charlie Ralph, and another lady. The lady from Wings.

Crystal Bernard was on that show? Yes. She was a waitress. I'm looking up. It's a living right now. I can't. Yes. Poor Crystal Bernard

has been in the service industry her entire acting career. I cannot. Ronnie, I can't believe you're telling me this. She was like a ticket agent, right? On Wings?

Wow. There's also someone named Barry Youngfellow who is a lady and Marion Mercer. Crystal Bernard was Amy Tomp tompkins oh my god oh my god louise louise lasser of course louise lasser was on that of course my god crystal bernard will still wear those 80 claw bay 80s claw bangs and make them work oh crystal oh my god personality is 80s claw bangs i love her this and and the show took place at the top of the Bonaventure,

downtown LA. I mean, basically, it's a living for the new generation. Oh my God, we're so lucky. We are so lucky. So back to the opening. It's Lisa coming in after getting out of her probably paid for beautiful car. Yeah.

Whatever it is this time. I don't know. It's always something new yeah but she gets out and she's like well hello lala and they've hired this lala chick who's gorgeous and i think like a fetus i mean she's really young being she is really young and she's like she's like lala have you done your training and lalaala's like, yes, I've done three training sessions, and I've got another one in the afternoon. And you know that Lisa was probably like, three training sessions?

You only have to do one. You're ridiculously over-trained. You're fired. Get out of here. No one else has even done it. You were challenging for this job. No one here has even done one training session. I can't believe you've done three.

It was just a joke. Don't hurt yourself, darling. I don't need you needing a break in the middle of the first shift. All right. I mean, believe you've done three. It was just a joke. Don't hurt yourself, darling. I don't need you needing a break in the middle of the first shift. I mean, you're the hostess. You know, all you have to do is touch the touchscreen until something beeps and then you seat someone. It's not a run around the block, darling. It's a constant walk because you can't afford a car. Do you understand?

Okay, here's the training session for today. Look at your seating section. There's squares and circles and click whatever shape you like more. And that's where people sit. You're done. Get back to work. Alright, here's all you need to know. As people leave, you say we're sorry. And that's

all, Dunning. Alright, do you understand? Well, no one's called me a cunt yet. Nice, Lala. Nice. Wait, I have to pause. Not pause the podcast, but I have to pause our conversation because, of course, I'm still looking at the It's a Living IMDb page. That show was on for nine years. Oh, yeah.

It's a classic. I thought it was on for like three or four. Nine years. Wow. Okay. That's it. How long? Wings was another one.

That Crystal Bernard has been in some hit shows that never get their due, you know, because they're always on at the same time as something bigger. Yeah. Susan Sullivan was in it. She was the talon all lady and then she was on um uh she was on darman greg i'm okay i'm sorry i'm getting sidetracked back to it's okay well hello well hello lala yes hello you know that's probably not even Lala's name. Lisa just couldn't remember. She's like, oh, Lala. Hello, Lala. They're like, okay, let's just call her Lala for the rest of the season.

Angelian, is that you? It's so good to see you again. No, it's Lala. Get Angelian's wig. So I am loving Lisa's triangle head. Lisa's like so rich that she can just walk around with cone head and no one ever says anything like she doesn't have side mirrors has no one told her she has a cone she has that lady putting her hair up in the wig oh yeah and the back of her head is the bun and she can't see it because she's putting it in the back so you can't see it but we can see it from the back and you

have a cone head or a rectangle head, depending on the day. Tamara Barney rectangle head. That's what it is. Rectangle. So now we go to Sheena, and Sheena's mad. She's mad at Sheena. Katie and the new girl. Oh, I'm sorry.

Katie and Faith. Oh, yeah. You're close, though. That's right next. Well, this is really quick. It's just Faith, the new server. But this begins a new pattern that I love and that is katie training everybody at all times like somebody was like katie train the new girl and she's like okay i'm gonna train everybody

on everything and that was her the whole episode but it starts with faith and uh is this is this lisa oh yeah lisa's like uh wait what happened here i think it was you know i remember during this you know i like got distracted by something numbers darling yeah and she's like uh what the table numbers you know where you take the tables to it's like a label for a table darling it even rhymes and she's like oh that's a good one she's like you're an idiot you'll fit right in here darling all right let her know where to hang up her apron at the end of the day, darling. It'll be great. Yeah, basically that's what it was.

Katie's like, I know that this job sounds easy, but it's actually quite technical. Oh, really, Katie? It's quite technical. A waiter training montage. Okay, this is where you go pee. Okay, wipe off the you go pee. Okay. Wipe off the computer screen after you use it if you've licked your fingers. She says, so when I say it's quite technical, it means that so when you come over here to yell at someone, quite technically you're working. Okay.

And over there, when you get mad at someone and cry at your boyfriend, quite technically you're working there too. It's really quite technical. It's quite technical and she says that lisa's intimidating as beyonce i'm like oh lord jesus that's she's like she's like and i'm referencing beyonce because you're black we don't see this is a scene with faith this is new for us baby steps baby steps are quite technical i have to give uh some credit to the show though because they are uh at least making an effort here i mean there's faith and then there's a gaysian yeah i was like look at you guys you're getting a gay and and an asian rolled into one they, look, we can't freak out the entire audience, alright? Make one, a double, double something.

Handicapped Asian, I don't care. Just make it work. Make him have funny hair, too. They love that. And Bisho says something really cliche. He's like, hey girl, hey. She's just like, oh my god, I'm so mad because James got so shit-faced

at my birthday last night. I can't believe at a party at a bar, someone would get drunk. This is, by the way, during the sugar filling portion of the show. Yes. Okay, separate the yellows from the blues, from the pinks from the whites. Remember when this used to be

like two colors to separate? It's really quite technical. I never knew this job had so much math in it. I wrote, Gaysian, it's Maybelline. I don't know why. So Sheena's mad.

Ariana didn't want James there. She's like, well, no one wanted Cress in there. Well, Ariana's the one he didn't want. Yeah, they're setting up the let's all hate on Ariana thing. Yes. Which Ariana's doing a pretty good job of furthering on her own. Sometimes you just need to be quiet. Yeah, just be quiet and serve the drinks.

So Sheena is mad because she just got an angry phone call from Kristen. And she's like, well, so basically, Shay called an Uber for James and Jenna because they're both drunk and they both live in West Hollywood. They both live near each other. So I thought, well, let's take an Uber together. It'll be really easy. But then

James took an Uber to Jenna's house at 6 a.m. There was some Uber situation where a secondary Uber to Jenna's house happened at 6 a.m. The Uber never arrived at her house in the first place. They went to James and then another Uber took her home. Yeah, at 6 a.m and she was like the uber never arrived at her house in the first place they went to james and then another another uber took her home yeah at 6 a.m and then she was like

that's what i call the smoking gun uber you know that she's probably like patting herself on the back like wasn't that clever shay i came up with smoking gun uber shay if my music career doesn't work out i'm gonna start a website with Mimi's. That's what Mariah Carey did. That's why it's called the Emancipation of Mimi, because she does so many good in Mimi's. Say Emancipation of Sheena. Whenever I heard Mimi for the first time,

I was like, oh my God, that's what I call myself. Mimi. Hey, Mimi. Hey, Mimi. I'm Mimi. I'm Mimi. I am. Smoking gun Mimi. Hey, Mimi. I'm Mimi. I'm Mimi. I am. Smoking gun Mimi.

So then Diana, there's one of these. Manager meeting time. Manager meeting. Lisa's got to talk to Diana about nothing in particular. Let's sit at the wood table. Hello, Diana, darling. Here I am in the restaurant because that camera's here. What say you?

And Diana's like, well, here's the calendar for the following month. And then PR on Insta. And Lisa's like, darling, darling, headache, darling. That's why I pay you. Just silence, Diana. Just be quiet over there. All right. Don't eat goat cheese bowls.

Major emergency, Lisa. There has been a shortage of goat cheese, no goat cheese bars for the next week. Oh, Diana, please. This is ridiculous. Just go to Whole Foods, all right? And just get a a shortage of goat cheese. No goat cheese bars for the next week. Oh, Diana, please. This is ridiculous. Just go to Whole Foods, alright? Just get a big ball of goat cheese, alright? Just have someone go over to Pandy's apartment, cut her open, and get the goat balls back out, darling.

I told her to stop taking them home. Pandy! Pandy! Go get some goat cheese from Gelson's. So rude. Pandy's like the nicest person ever. goat cheese from Gelson's. So rude. Pandy's like the nicest person ever. I don't know what I mean to her. So Lala. Yeah, Lala steps in.

Lala has her first ish. Yeah. She's like, guys, I really respect you, but I'm a supermodel. And I have to go to Italy to be in a modeling thing and you can see diana's face she's like oh god not another stupid bitchy hostess that i have to deal with so lala so lala's like you know i've been acting and modeling for a while and you know i take this job as seriously as the job is i mean it's not brain surgery it's just working at sir i'm like this everyone who does not live in la this is what service is like in los angeles people who think they have something better to do at all times pretty much and it's so

funny that lisa and and Diana are so calm because they're like managers of Walmart. They hire greeters who are, you know, in need of jobs. You know, I don't want to say a bad word, but you know what I mean. A Walmart greeter. I don't want to say retarded. What do you say instead of that now?

Mentally challenged. Like mentally handicapped. That's what I mean. Oh my God, what a dick. But anyway, they hire mentally handicapped people on purpose so if they can't like be mad when they say hi too loud or hug too hard you know what i mean like that's what they were hired it's almost like they're expecting it from lala you know it's like darling as long as you know how to turn smiles upside down you're fine do you understand rolling back? Fine. You can have the weekend off. Yeah.

You know where the carts go, don't you, darling? So Lala has to get a week off to be a supermodel. In Italy. And Lisa's like, why aren't I just going off to Venice? That's right, I am. All right, I'm going off to Venice. Possibly see you there, Lala, darling. Oh, Lala going off to Venice. Possibly see you there, Lala, darling. Oh, Lala.

Oh, yes. So then... Katie and Shana. Smoke break. Oh, yeah, smoke break. Oh, yeah, that's right. So I wrote down, Katie's like, I'm training this new girl. Her name is Faith.

She's really sweet. And she's so black. It's so crazy, a black person here at CERN. Oh, my God. It's so crazy. A black person here at CERN. Oh my God. Katie and Sheena. Okay, here they are out on a smoke break. Talking

about this gossip with the Uber or whatever. Blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, the problem with Kristen. I'm like, oh God. Let's not get into the problem with Kristen, all right? We don't have all day long. And Sheena.

I was just trying to help, all right? Don't get a twist up. Like, they were drunk. They were young. They were fingering each other. Like, literally, she had her finger up his butt. Like, they should go home together. Like, why should two Ubers smell like butt?

I was doing Uber a favor. And then Kristen sends sends her text and kristen kristen she's like uh kristen sends she no text regarding jenna and kristen's text says she's a fucking bitch and you were rude to me she was like i can't believe she wrote that to me i'm like you this is why you know it's funny because she was always like wow christian's never done anything to me if that's to make me have to not be friends with her. I'm like, well, she sends you these emails and texts all the time. So maybe she's a dumb bitch five times today, girl.

Yeah. And she also when you first got to the restaurant, she was nothing but a raging bitch to you with Stassi. Oh, yeah, totally. Oh, well, she's getting her revenge today. But we'll get to that. Yes, we will. So then we get jackson the new slut and girl britney of course her name is britney yeah my name is britney with blinding newly

bleached groupon bleaching teeth yeah um jack's face i don't know what's happened i just felt bad for that britney because here she is it's like typical la with some old guy with a fucked up face trying to pretend he's got shit he doesn't have and then here you are with your teeth still sore from their groupon bleaching and you don't even have a base spray tan darling i mean you just look orange and then on top of everything else it's not that jack's just here to show her off she he's trying to set up a job interview. And my first thought, which is funny, because then they said it on the show, I was like, she's not wearing pants. She was wearing a shirt

and no pants. No, she was wearing lingerie, wasn't she? She was wearing a nightie, like a lingerie. It was a little nightie, but still, it ended at her vagina. This is a job interview still. What are you doing

i mean i know that that's kind of part of why you get hired at sir but still yeah i mean look using your flesh for money and everything else like that of course it's like she does know exactly the job she's going for but you're not supposed to pretend that you know you're going for a job at the whorehouse all right honey exactly a little more subtle darling you're pretending to be a waiter here darling yeah and that's why i was like amused when a few minutes later lisa was like well next time bring some slacks bring your trousers yeah next time put some trousers on darling well britney is britney's an idiot because she comes in for this job interview and uh the and lisa's like oh darling do you have job interview and Lisa's like, darling, do you have your resume?

And she's like, no, I wasn't prepared for this. I'm sorry. I wasn't prepared for this. First thing a manager and restaurant owner wants to hear. Yeah. Not prepared. Best thing, you know,

that's what they say on LinkedIn. They say, the first thing you should say in your job interview, I wasn't prepared for this. Works like a charm. She's like, what's LinkedIn? Is that a sausage restaurant? Is that like Tinder?

Do you have any experience, darling? Well, I don't have experience typing things down. But I've worked at a couple restaurants across from the baseball park and they're real busy they're such a high volume restaurant i mean they play that music real loud at the end of the day she's good at wieners and bowls darling all right just hire her she's perfect for this but you don't know how to do anything you sound totally incompetent perfect you're hired oh good you don't anticipate things.

Great. You're hired. If it doesn't work out with you, darling, we can always turn you into a goat cheese bowl. Clear Kentucky, darling. Lisa says hi to her in the way... Lisa has this way when she's meeting stupid people that I just

love where she goes, Hi! Like, like confused but also really sorry for you she's like darling i'm so sorry that this has happened to you meanwhile jacks is in the next room uh like behind the bar and lala comes up to him and he's just hitting on lala blatantly he's like yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna have a thing at the surly goat like you know like come on by like you need a great bring and bring with you know any hot girls bring them by too so basically he's like britney's in the other room he's hitting on lala and he's already asking lala to bring other hot girls for him to hit on in front of both of those girls yeah totally gonna work out yeah totally totally gonna work out. Totally, totally going to work out. I see this going good places for Jax.

Let me see here. I just wrote Jax. Jax actually said, yeah, you know, like, she's younger or whatever. But, like, it's like a girl who doesn't, like, she doesn't know what HPV stands for, you know? Like, I fucked a lot of bimbos, okay? But this is the first one who's fucked me with nose so it's like special yeah such a pig this guy yeah he is really he's awful awful um then there's like a stupid scene that's like not even worth talking about unless you found something funny in it with tom and katie like like oh like he's like

i i'm starting to want commitment. And there's Gordo. And, like, I don't know. What's more important? Gordo. Gross. It was just stupid. It wasn't funny. The scene was gross.

And also, don't marry that man. How many times do we have to tell you, Katie? When you come home and your man is like, Gordo. Gordo. Come here, baby. Are you my baby? You want to give me high five? No? Okay. You just want to look cute? Okay. here, baby. Are you my baby? You want to give me high five? No?

Okay, you just want to look cute? Okay. Hi, honey. It's Gordo. Look at him looking cute. No. Yeah, no. That man loves you more than he loves the dog.

Clear the man. Yeah. And then Katie, of course, is an idiot. And she's like, oh, man, that could even like get a puppy and make a huge decision like that like it shows growing up i'm like really uh getting a girlfriend off your ass about not proposing by making an impulse buy for something that she never agreed to but would be like an actual decision that you're making for her lifestyle is a mature decision, you fucking moron! You deserve what you get, Katie!

Deserves every single bit of it. So then, now James and Kristen meet at an empty restaurant, and so... I've never seen anybody turn off their car alarm

with such anger.ristin was like so mad i don't think that she even turned it off i think she just aimed it and the car was like oh shit i'll just i'll just turn it on myself everything arms itself it wasn't even her car yeah everything she passes is like yeah you know how like when a loud car goes by a bunch of cars and all the car alarms go off? It's like the reverse with her. She walks by and they're like, bloop bloop bloop. My iPhone is erasing itself. Does anybody

else understand this? It's like those horror movies where someone evil walks into town and all the shutters close, everyone closes, all the lights go off and everyone draws their blinds. That's what the cars are doing to themselves. All the transformers are turning back into vehicles all the apples are dropping off trees so good so yeah they go to meet

to have their like i'm really mad at you meeting. And she's like Why please? So your behavior last night was really embarrassing. Do you want to say anything about it? It was like Kristen meets Leslie Stahl. Do you care to respond? I'm going to have a heart attack on this show. That shit was hilarious hilarious the best is him staring at her she's giving her most ferocious fiery kristin you're gonna die look she's giving the look of you brought me to korean barbecue and i'm

a vegetarian who leaves potato salad on the table like bread k and she's like she says to us she's in the interview she goes people like to call me paranoid crazy because I checked my boyfriend's email but I find something every single time I'm like how about you stop dating assholes how about that yeah or stop being crazy stop making men want to run somewhere like each, each woman that this man has been with, these men have been with, have been like logs floating down. Frogger has to jump on or die in the river.

Okay. They're doing what they have to, to survive. She's sending a traffic jam of craziness and they're just trying to get her across the road so kristin is giving him this piss look and he's looking like oh like a little baby he's like he's like who me i'm just a dj trying to get to his big break sir like kristin if i didn't notice i would think you were upset, Kristen. Kristen. Kristen.

Kristen. If I didn't notice, if I didn't know any better, I'd think that you were upset, my baby doll, darling. Oh, my little flower. My little poppy flower. You look so upset. What is wrong with you, Kristen? Do you have anything to say? And he's, like, just looking at her, like, with his mouth open.

And she goes, wine, please. Yeah. I'll have a wine, please. So she brings up the Uber drama. So are you saying that like this receipt from Amar in a black Lexus Uber X wasn't you? Because he gave you a review and he said it smelled like two people smelling like butt so one star are you denying that that's you he's like uh he starts to laugh and he's like i guess i'm cool i'm like okay dude really way to way to like fake your scene there okay like obviously they already had their fight and they have to to, like, reenact it, and he, like, can't keep his face straight. He's like, go, Kristen!

Kristen! Help me! Why are you laughing? It's serious! I guess it's because when you get mad, you look like a cartoon pickle. And then he goes, as every girl wants to hear after she's just gotten admission from her boyfriend who cheated on her. He goes, well, if you ever cheated on me, I mean, now's the time.

Be honest. Now you can be honest. I was like, what did she do? Now he's yelling at her for cheating and she didn't even do anything. This was so good. And she's like, whatever. I'm so mad I'm not even finishing this wine.

And then she drinks like half the wine. She chugs half the wine. And byugged well she chugs uh she chugs half the wine and by the way it was like a it was a big pour so her chugging half of it is like having a full glass of wine and immediately goes to her car gets in and turns it on drives away i'm like oh great great dui there kristen half a bottle of wine and gets in the car on tv love it and then she's like whoops i fell out of an uber broke my face because uh it was his fault yeah and by the way that's something that actually happened we didn't even talk about that we must have forgotten but kristin wasn't there for the

the vanderpump rules season premiere last week she wasn't at the viewing party because she had fallen out of an uber and broken her face and needed reconstructive surgery what it's like i've heard so many uber stories and that's the first one that i've heard of somebody just falling out of the uber yeah it's like they really need better regulation because i imagine it being a moving car yeah she's like i just fell out seriously yeah seriously that's my stop seriously ma'am we're on the highway seriously i fell out stupid so then um the gang gets together at the surly go where we learn something really weird which is that jacks has a has a foot fetish and not only that he has a stinky foot fetish and he makes britney put on converse and walk around the block to get her feet sweaty so he can sniff them. Ugh.

Gross. Ariana is, is this the three guys at the bar? Oh, yeah. Three shots of fireball. Jax, I just want to know, like, what's up with this girl? You know? And he's like, well, you know, it's like, I just want to, like, I want to know, like, you know, like, like well you know it's like i just want to like i want to know like you know like she's this girl and he's like okay man i just had to i just had to ask

yeah good talk bro and then jacks they cut to jacks having the relationship talk with this girl and i'm sorry to interrupt you before right before the the cutaway he's like you know like it's not like we're moving in or anything together. And then that's what you're saying. And then cut. And he's going, hey, I just wanted to know, what are we doing? Are you going to live with me? Are you going to live with friends?

Are you going to live on the street? Are you going to fuck me here and on the street or just on the street or come over? Do you eat things? Do you poop? Let's or like come over do you eat things do you poop i just discussed that where do you want to poop like you want to sleep here and then poop down the hall or where do you think you'll be on most nights i just need to know for when i bang other chicks yeah so basically he tells this girl to move here and live with him and she does and he tells his friends that no we're not moving in yeah yeah but he didn't even tell her he's like what are we gonna do and she's like i don't know thanks for the

boobs and the new skin meanwhile over at the banquette um we can see katie already just hates lala katie is hates new people single season, she just hates them. So sure enough... And so does who else? Ariana. Now that we've seen Ariana in that dark wig, she got this angry personality in that dark wig, and she looked kind of conniving and really bitchy and mean in that wig. And now that's how I see her face.

I always see the wig on now and that girl is hating on new people no but ariana wasn't ariana wasn't being she was not being like katie because katie was doing that passive aggressive thing i only yeah only well you know it's hard not to react negatively towards uh angelina makeup but katie is doing that whole like past aggressive power trip thing uh where she's lecturing uh lala even though it's not her place so because lala's like well i'm going to italy because i booked a booked a gig and katie's like oh well you know it's funny because you're not gonna be always doing that right because you know it's just that like you

know like part of the job is that you have to be there you know it's like really important and lala's like yeah i know but like i cleared it with lisa well yeah i know but like you know it's just that like you know like part of the job is that you have to be there you know it's like really important and i was like yeah i know but like i cleared it with lisa well yeah i know but like you know it's just like it's a hard job so like if you're not here all the time like i don't know if how you're gonna be able to do the job but like i'm just asking everybody she's like so you know what's so funny because you're going to a job you said modeling in italy i mean that's funny because like I know models and they're like what Italy because it's funny because Italy is this place that has like

tons of models like crawling like there's just like models like everywhere like water fountains of models so like I don't know flying to Italy I don't know and she's like uh-huh yeah so I'm a model and I'm going to Italy and she's like well look I'm just speaking as a model who's never been flown to Italy.

Models are not flown to Italy. She's like, well, as far as I know, the 99 cent store shoots locally. So I don't understand what you're doing. Tell me about a model after you spent 12 hours trying to pretend you love a man on a lazy board recliner yeah okay in a strip mall you know i just speak from experience but the army navy store does not shoot in italy so i don't know i mean are there gigs beyond that because i'm not familiar with them she can never work anywhere she'd be like working at k's jewelers like and in my experience you don't buy a woman an engagement ring.

You make something out of a twisty trash tie and you use that. She'd lose every sale she got. Ariana and Katie look like old bitter ladies now because they're being mean to these young girls and to me

they look like the old bitter hags in the corner like oh look at that girl yeah so cute yeah so then speaking of old bitter hags now we cut to kristin alone in her apartment pouring herself some wine and in walks james jumper yeah seriously i'm just relaxing in my jumpers seriously and so they start talking about everything and kristen's kristen's like you get just so you get so angry when you drink and he's like kristen i'll get angry at you that's nice well what would i do and then instead of saying you stupid bitch like you would when he's drunk he just like tries to laugh it off and smile and nods and looks away that's why

because he's filtering himself every time he's not drunk dumb dumb yeah or else do people get drunk so then he decides to come clean but not he's like i know 100 i made out with her and i might have tried undressing her and she's like you took off her top because no she let me take off her top, I thought he said she didn't let me. And so that's where I was. Oh, I thought he said, no, she let me. Oh, that's why it was like so funny to me because I was like, oh, he's making it up.

Christian was totally TV detective-ing it. She's like, so tell me. So you were, what were you thinking when you were making out with her and having sex? No, we weren't having sex, Christian. All right then, what were you thinking when your finger was inside her womb? No, Kristen. All right.

Well, then what was in your childhood? And he's like, all right, we made out. Oh, really? So you made out and then fucked? No, Kristen. Boobs. Damn it, Kristen. She was pretty good, except she failed in the end,

and that's why she'll never be on Law & Order Special Kristen's unit. Because james is like actually we were boning oh yeah he's like i didn't want to tell kristin this because it would hurt her feelings but the truth is we were boning we were you're not gonna put this in the show though right she'll never know so then kristen kristen's like well james decided to have the balls to tell me the truth which means he wants to work on this so i'm gonna take him back like what yeah like it shows me that he's committed because he's like finally told me the truth and of course he has not but it's hilarious that that she is taking him back but of course she's going to take him back because if she if she doesn't take him back she'll have no one to hold something over him over anyone so she'll have no connection to the show yeah she

has to stay on screen somehow and it's not going to be by marrying catch-ups she would rather be in a relationship where she can hold something like this over her boyfriend versus not being in a relationship at all. Yep, because of course, like every person like that, even friends, you know, we've talked about that type before here on this show, but that type who immediately their defense is, I did everything for you. It's like there's your motive right there

for the whole relationship. I did everything. I do everything. You own me. I own you. You'd be nothing without me. You'd just be a record player without a record yeah stupid speaking of stupid tom and ariana tom's like remember last week babe when you had that brown wig and we decided that we were gonna adult so they're trying their own thing they're like like, now we're adulting. Yeah, it's called adulting because adults sit on couches and adulting. I'm like, okay, it's adulting, darling. We've already got Uber Mystery or whatever that one is.

By the way, there's a big note that there still is a difference between adulting and growing up. It's just like ironic. Like you were talking about Normcore last week yeah well i like that so they go to this furniture shop called the joneses which you know i'm assuming the reason why it's called the joneses is that the inherent joke is like you're keeping up with the joneses so tom walks he's like uh keep it up with the joneses right is this what you do to keep up with the joneses and you know like this poor guy is like yes. I hear that every single day. That's why it's called the Joneses, you idiot.

You don't have to make a joke on a joke. Hey, dude, we want to sit on a couch and talk about paying our taxes. We do that? Maybe I can rub her belly and we can name our future babies. Adulting! Adulting! So they sat on a couch and talked about how they were done with this high school shit and now their new phase is going to be adults and then ariana's like yeah babe so you know

sheena's a bitch yeah they start high schooling on the couch while they're adulting do i love that ariana's like do you think sheena is bored which is why she's inviting this kristen bullshit back into her life i'm like well it's that or you guys are on a reality show and there are producers involved and that's why it's there and also you have a boyfriend now so you're probably around less to just be like girlfriends yeah i need somebody like at the end of the day when you're hanging out with a crazy girl it's because you need somebody to hang out with yeah all right and then it turns out to be true i mean that's like foreshadowing that we know from the previews obviously so there's nothing psychic on my end

darling darling so uh they they just sit on the couch in the adult and then um we go back to the restaurant and that's seen in years this yeah so sheena and katie are now you know they're talking shit about lala because they hate Lala. And Katie is like, you know, they're talking about this whole thing about how everything seems fishy and they don't like that she's taking a week off. And Katie's like, you know, I try hard to give everyone the benefit

of the doubt. I'm like, no, you don't, you stupid bitch. You don't. You actually hate the benefit of the doubt. You love the doubt. I mean, how many seasons have we watched this show? Do we not like, I mean, are we supposed to forget how you treated Sheena her first season? She just doesn't know how to talk.

She's like, every time someone new comes in, I try to doubt their benefit immediately. It's actually quite technical doing that. Benefiting the doubt is quite technical. Remember last season she had a phrase that she said that was like she was trying to be all you know high-minded i wish i could remember it listeners post on our facebook whatever it was that phrase that katie said where she was trying to sound all like all smart oh katie and she's like hey sheena i just want you to know you should be like open

to new people because faith is a badass i'm like okay manager katie who no one made manager so they're making fun of lala and katie whips out the cell phone she's like look at her insta profile pic it's just her ass it's this a quote-unquote autistic shot of uh you know her just but her ass basically but it's not like yeah it's not like a slutty ass just she's i mean it's a stupid profile picture but she's a full ass but she's just standing there with her hands behind it's like she's not like winking at the camera or anything yeah it's not like hustler it's just an ass you know it's certainly a lot classier than i'm than a lot of photos that sheena and kitty have been in i'm sure and uh sheena goes i'm sorry but like that profile picture screams fuck me in the ass like way to read

the way to read it boldly Sheena yeah way to project and then Sheena then goes to the next level she's like well I heard that Lala hangs out with a prostitute crowd she basically says this is Sheena who was sleeping with Eddie Sabrian okay and now she's like well I heard that Lala

she gets paid to go hang out with rich old guys and get them blowjobs i'm like whoa yes and she's flown around by all these rich guys and she's like i've heard she's open like now here's the fun goals i have to say that this is weird for me because katie okay katie is not a hoe okay she's a katie she's like, she's a Katie. She's a Katie. We don't need to go into it. Sheena, a hoe. Sheena is an old school Bible era hoe.

She knows it. She's not ashamed of it. She's admitted to pretty much her... She married a fat guy to just have a break from being a hoe. So that's one hoe talking hoe business which i'm fine with i think it's hilarious because of course sheena knows people that she knows and of course she probably knows the exact charters this bitch has been on and the men she's been with probably done yeah yeah exactly probably how she met eddie you know on one of those so

like she knows it's like one hoe to another so she's saying it in like kind of a fun way even though she is judging but she's like that bitch isn't going to Italy she's a whore well that's Sheena but then Katie of course is like she's a whore let's take her down and I don't know they go talk to Lala and it is hilarious Sheena

gives her the run down and well when they walk in as they go over to talk to Lala they're like we're not going to be mean we're just going to be inquisitive we're not going to be mean. We're just going to be inquisitive. We're not going to be mean. And they walk up to her with their arms crossed and just stare at her. Like, yep, real nice there. Yep.

So I wrote, Katie and Sheena approach. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So Katie starts grilling her about the modeling job. So you're going to be a model in a job? What kind of job? Is it a magazine? Is it a bus bench? A gum wrapper?

What is it? Because I know people in Italy. And Lala's like, are you saying I could never be a supermodel, Katie? And Katie's like, well, your ass picture on Insta is beautiful, but no. And Lala goes,

well, congratulations. You caught me in my lie. So I thought that was sarcastic at first. I was like, ha, that was a good comeback, Lala. Yes, these girls are so mean. They really broke the bitch down. They actually did. She was like, yeah, no, I actually did lie.

I was like, wait, wait, what? I was like, Lala, you had the upper hand here. Like, you didn't have to break. Like, they were being crazy. You just had to just stick with your lie. Yep. Well, she's probably shocked. She thought I was going to be the bitch of the season.

But these girls are mean. They go in. They have nothing. They do not hold back. I was shocked. And also, by the way, Katie, as far as this show is concerned, you have earned your manager status. But I also. Right now, you got a bitch to admit that she was a hoe basically in Italy.

Congratulations, manager Katie. But I will say this. It felt a little odd when she was like, well, congratulations. You found me in my lie. That felt honestly a little – it didn't seem like the sort of thing someone with a lie would say. It felt actually a little staged. Did you get that vibe? I mean, I don't care if it's staged or not.

I kind of got the vibe that they're about to call me a whore on national TV. Because look, once you a hoe, you have a hoe lens in your eye that you can see other hoes. So she sees Sheena standing right in front of her. Yeah. So I think she was thinking oh shit this bitch has hoe glasses and she's about to call me a hoe on tv so i'm just gonna say no i'm not a hoe i'm just going with some friends and they paid yeah but then sheena doesn't let it go and she's like what do you pay with your vagina and she's like no people like my personality

so i can keep my legs closed and she she goes, well, how about your mouth? And he's like, listen, honey, from one hoe to another, I know what you're doing. It's fine what you're doing. Blow your way through Italy, but don't be fucking with the work schedule, because you're messing up my time at the Grove. Yeah, yeah. Well, it was funny. Lala's just like, okay, well, just don't tell anyone. Like, well, that probably won't work out for you too well.

Yeah, well, my first thought was Sheena just did the exact same thing Stassi did to her, where Stassi totally slut-shamed her. You know, Sheena's doing the same thing. But then at the end, I realized Sheena wasn't shaming her at all. She was like, girl, if you're going to have two jobs, you better make sure that you don't dump one for the other because that's not cool like have it on the schedule if you're

gonna blow people in italy or whatever well what was also funny though manager she should run a brothel what was also funny though is that sheena and katie were ready for a fight they were ready for it to get crazy and then lala's like okay yeah you're right and they're like uh oh okay well you're giving blowjobs bye they just sort of like walked away like oh okay oh i like that i don't know why i was still on sheena's side in this one i i just put ho's gotta stick together but i really like sheena in this but katie didn't get what she wanted but i think sheena did and katie just always leaves kind of like because katie leaves like i'm prepared to hate you and sheena always leaves kind of like, because Katie leaves like, I'm prepared to hate you. And Sheena always leaves like, I'm prepared to be your best friend in a month. She'll be friends with everybody.

She will be. It was funny. I mean, Ariana did say that. Basically, as long as you haven't annoyed her in two months, she'll be friends with you. Yeah, she forgives very, very quickly. So then we get to see one of the, wait am i skipping ahead i'm sorry i think there's only one scene left sheena's apartment is that the last scene because this was amazing we got to know well sheena no no right before that sheena and ariana were talking

and again she does this thing about um oh wait christian's texting me that I'm a fucking bitch Kristen's such a jerk and Ariana's like yeah and so Ariana starts giving her shit but Ariana to Ariana I think this is a big confrontation because she's doing that hair that hand combing thing with her hair like where you're nervously kind of pulling your hair

over and over do you know what I mean they always do it in crazy houses in the movies like Whenever someone's in the crazy house, they're doing that. She was doing that same thing where like, Kristen hasn't done anything to me, really. Nothing seriously bad. It's like, are you just really that deranged?

Gina, do you not see what's going on? Do you not remember things that happened in your life? And Ariana tells her in, I think, the nicest way. Like, this girl's a crazy bitch and lists the things

she's done, whatever. And then Sheena needs to... Wait, what were you going to say? I was just going to basically say that Sheena's like, but the thing is that Sheena says,

she's like, well, I've been friends with Kristen longer, but I'm closer with Ariana. I thought it was that Kristen was friends, but when Ariana came around, she's like, well, I've been friends with Kristen longer, but I'm closer with Ariana. I thought it was that Kristen was friends but when Ariana came around she's like, Ariana's one of my best friends. I thought she was friends with Ariana

long before Kristen ever showed up. I guess not, yes, but I guess that was just a lie? Who knows? I never understand the timelines on these shows. I guess they were just pretending to be friends. What a shocker! So then we get to go to Sheena's apartment.

Oh my god, this is amazing. Which, Ben, I don't even know how to describe it. It was, you know, it's like going into a mansion with some old diva's mansion where there's nothing but giant portraits of her face, except it's not a mansion, it's a one-bedroom

apartment, and it's nothing but giant portraits of her face except it's not a mansion it's a one bedroom apartment and it's nothing but giants photo to canvas uh pictures of her and shay on their wedding day it is so ridiculous like really old furniture from the 70s and these humongous not like nice leather couches but those big padded 80s leather couches. It is kind of brown paint, brown walls. It was just like such a disaster. It was like the set of Roseanne with Sheena pictures everywhere from Olin Mills blown up. Like huge pictures. Like it was ridiculous.

And the pictures themselves are dumb. And then the fact that they're blown up is even dumber. And the fact that there's more than one that there's like five up on the walls is out of control that room looked like it smelled that's all it just it's all happening it's all

happening on my walls the writings on the wall oh no it's just me and Shay it's like where to be jealous of pictures it's just me and Shay. It's like, where to be jealous of pictures? It's white trash heaven. So, Katie... No, Kristen.

Kristen comes over, blah blah blah. She's like, Kristen, Jesus, you've been calling me a dumb bitch all day. She's like, I just said you were rude. She's like, well, you said you're a dumb, and then you said rude, and then bitch. So, like, basically, you said you're a dumb, and then you said rude, and then bet. So, like, basically, you're calling me a dumb, rude bet. How could you do this when it's been

still the same six months since my wedding? I can't believe it. We're not even out of the window yet. It could be my birthday soon. Like, you don't understand how important Arbor Day is to me. I can't believe you'd do that today to me. And she's like,

I don't even know if I can be your friend. Have you ever considered that it's you, Kristen? It's not everybody else. And then she lists it. She's like, My first birthday party, you ruined it because you fucked somebody. You fucked Jack and you ruined this engagement party.

My birthday party. And you fucked James and you ruined my birthday party. I'm gonna cut my thigh. Not at my wedding, you beat up James. You ruined it. And then there was that time

I went to DMV and then you texted me and you ruined the DMV for me. You punched the car I was trying to drive. But then Kristen comes back with her own weird logic, which is like,

it's not my fault. You know, these guys are doing this. It's their fault. They're the ones who are cheating on me. They're the ones who are bringing girls in. It's not me. Kristen actually did have a good point when she's like, you're my friend and you're the one who's friends with all the people who cheated on me. Yeah, that's true, too.

It's just kind of hilarious. Yeah, that's true too. I'm sorry to laugh. It's just kind of hilarious. It's like the whole group. Yes, everybody kind of has done something to Kristen, but I don't know. It's like when you have a motive. It's like they're both kind of right because technically if you're friends with Kristen, then you shouldn't be friends with all the guys who've cheated on her.

But for Kristen, if you're friends with Sheena, she shouldn't be friends with all the guys who've cheated on her but for kristen if you're friends with sheena she shouldn't be punching people at every formal occasion yeah girls you're both idiots yeah you're both idiots who should not be friends how about that so then it comes down to um you're in my birthday party and then you ruined my birthday or whatever her thing was what was this one It was her 30th birthday again. And then it's about you, my God. And she's like, I can't wrap my head around how any of this is my

fault. Seriously? Seriously. But she was right when she said she's trying to bring this all around to me because she doesn't just want to say it's about Tom and Ariana not wanting her to be friends with me. Which is true, but you know, Tom, Ariana, wanting her to be friends with me which is true but you know Tom and Ariana and everyone

kind of yeah that's not oh yeah but it's still faulty logic because it's the Tom and Ariana thing only doesn't really apply to any of that actually because if the issue is that Kristen always makes a scene at every party

it's not because Tom and Ariana don't want Sheena to be not friends with her. It's because Kristen is always a disaster. Yeah, exactly. It's not like they're just saying, we don't like her, so keep her out. It's that she's actually doing shit every time she shows up. They're just saying, why do you keep inviting her? Because she's a disaster. Yeah.

And you shouldn't, because she's mean to us and we're your friends. The point is that sheena is actually a bad friend she is like she's a bad friend to tom and ariana because she constantly forces them into situations with a crazy girl who has done crazy things to them and she's a bad friend to kristin because she's constantly forcing kristin to come face to face with the people who push her buttons the most and kristin's clearly like a borderline personality case and can't deal with any of this. And at the end of the day, none of those people give a fuck about Sheena anyway.

Ariana's off with Tom doing whatever and Kristen's off with, you know, whoever she's terrorizing at the moment. You think Glenn Close is going to take a break from boiling a bunny to like ask how your day was? No, that bitch is nuts. Like Sheena is still at the end of the day left alone

on a big, soggy leather couch from the 80s with giant pictures of herself and a time that was better and it was only like two months ago.

God bless her heart. Enjoy your bagel bites, darling. She's like, I've got a snuggie and some bagel bites. That's all I need. Poor Sheeny. Wow.

So that was this. That was it. So next week looks like Issues with Shay So I guess we'll find out what those issues are He probably can't deal with all the crazy photographs Of him on the walls Shay's been sleeping in an IHOP for four days

I admit it I mean at first I thought it was cool Because you know I can say oh my husband is going Into a different country, but then I found out that International House of Pancakes is just still here. I thought you were in Paris!

I've been gone four days! I thought you were a jet setter. Isn't that what international means? Say his butt hurts because he sat on a jet. We're trying to close On an international house of pancakes We've made a good offer

That's why we went Shay's insisting that it's an international house Of pancakes We're really worldly Because we go there It's international You can't move in here It's a new recipe

Clear! Get out! What a fun day, Ben. Super fun. So, thanks everyone for listening. Thanks for supporting us on Patreon. Thanks for coming to us at facebook.com forward slash Watch Where Crap Ends. And

thank you for being friends, and being good friends, not like Kristen and Sheena. Yeah, guys. You really, really are. It's all happening. It's all happening. It's all happening. On Thursday's episode, we'll be coming to you with Ladies of London season finale and more below deck. Should be fun and maybe some app risky. It depends.

All right. Bye, everyone. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.