Watch What Crappens - #2371 PumpRules: She’s a Maxxonista

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

On this week’s Vanderpump Rules, Katie doesn’t even have time to pout when she finds out that her ex swapped some spit with Scheana over a decade ago because Schwartz finds out that she did a little more with his “best friend” under a week ago. Whoops. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What What Crap happens? Well hello and welcome to What What Crap, the podcast for all that crap we just love to talk about. On Ye Olde Brabs, I'm Ronnie. I'm here with my good friend, the love of my life, Ben. Ben Mandelker. Hello, Ben. Hi.

Hi, how are you? Hi, Ben. Love your shirt, guys. Ben is wearing a shirt with cedar trees on them. Do you know that that's the tree? Well, is that a cedar tree? It is, right? No.

What kind of tree is that? I think it might be just like a regular conifer. Maybe just a fir tree. Well, I'm gonna look up cedar trees right now. This is the tree of Lebanon. This is like my alpine kind of shirt. It has like cabins on it and trees on it. I wanna go with cedar tree

because Ben is repping Lebanon today. What? Ben is all dressed up and he's sitting in front of a New York skyline because he's in New York City. I am sitting in my regular house skyline. So that's, that's what I'm doing now. I'm staring at Cedar Trees on the, on the internet. Welcome to the show.

Everybody today is Vanderpump Rules Day. We're gonna get to that supersized episode in just a moment. But first, come check us out, our live shows. We've got an intimate live show for the Netflix Comedy Festival. Comedy's a joke. That's in Los Angeles in May.

And then in May, we're going to Europa, London, Birmingham, and Dublin. So join us, get your tickets over at watchwhatcrappens.com. This is a video recap. You can find it on Patreon, do them for every show. You can also find them a week later over on YouTube. If you just, I don't know, want to go through thousands of hours of archives, you're welcome to do so. Also bonus episodes are on Patreon. This week is a trailer trash. It's where we break down a trailer. This week is Jersey, the new season of Jersey. Lot of ruffles, lot of yelling, lot of accents,

lot of divorces, lot of fighting, lot of food throwing. Teeth, teeth, tams. Huge teeth, huge, huge, bleach white teeth. Not sure what's happening with the teeth in this country, but it's disturbing. I'm disturbed at this point. I would like to give also a shout out. The reason why I put on a shirt that's more interesting than my typical generic t-shirt is because I just did,

I recorded two podcasts here in the city. First I went on to the Elvis Duran, uh, 15 minute morning show podcast. So that should be dropping. It might already be out by now. I think it's a daily podcast. So go check out Elvis Duran. If you are a New Yorker and you listen to Z 100, you know Elvis ran. And then, um, also I just did a guest spot on a show called serialial Killers. We met the serial killer killers guys at the I heart awards. They do a podcast about serial trying serial.

So I went on, I tried a serial. It was a, um, it was like a hybrid episode. So we just kind of like talked about serial. We talked about reality TV. We talked about board games. So it's just kind of like a chat. So check out both of those things. On Elvis Duran, we talked about Real Housewives and all that fun stuff. It was so fun. Thank you to both podcasts for having me

and go check it out. Support other women, okay? Exciting times over there. You know what? I'm glad you're having fun in this open relationship. I'm cheating on Ronnie with Elvis Duran. Hope you're having fun in this open relationship. I'm cheating on Ronnie with Elvis Duran. Hope you're having fun with that. So everybody, welcome to Vanderpump Rules.

This is one of those episodes where nobody looks good. And I love that kind of an episode where everyone's just kind of an asshole in it. And it reminds you why we watch a show. Because you all suck, okay? All of you all suck. And I fucking love it. I love it when it's like that.

I love when there's not just one person to root for and you're just kind of rooting against everybody. At least that's how I felt. I was like, by the end of this, I was like, oh yeah, you all fucking suck. You're all fucking monsters and I can't wait to rip on every single one of you. This was a great episode.

It was really entertaining, but it was also great because it was our first like true petty Vanderpump rules episode of the season because the first half of the season has grappled with, oh, Tom Sandoval. How do we be friends with Tom Sandoval? How do we be friends with Ariana? How do we do this? What, how does this group move forward from the trauma of last season? But they've kind of now like they've established what the group dynamic is and like, let's get back to petty bullshit. So now we have an episode that's just about gossip and rumors and cheating and indiscretions and it's classic Vanderpump rules

and hypocrisy and about holding things against people from a fucking 12 years ago. I mean, it's just, it's everything that we love. And a random below deck crossover that's totally unexplained, but we'll get to that. Yeah, and of course, of course, of course he's friends with. Of course he's friends with Katie. I can't with the fucking below deck guy

who runs down the street giving people high fives. I mean, can it just, you know, everything just comes together in this episode for me. It's like the souffle was finally baked. I was like, thank God. Cause you know, there are so many seasons of Vanderpump Rules where we're just like, oh my God, this is gonna suck, isn't it?

And then as it starts to suck more, we're like, oh my God, surely it's not gonna suck the whole season. And then it sucks the whole season. And then there are seasons where you're like, this is amazing and it stays amazing. You know, there's peaks and valleys, you know, we all get it. We've all been in relationships with TV shows, right guys?

But this one, I was like, I'm not sure about this. And it's pulling through, you know, it's pulling through guys. I'm into this season. I have to say I'm really into it. I think it's so good. And this episode was wonderful. It was a great, it was just, it was the episode, the exact episode we needed. We may have to even, um,

bookmark this episode as a potential live show down the road, like for those days where we need like to do a vintage app or like, we just have to like, you know, the reason why here's the reason why, because the Tom Sandeall breathing exercise moment was so hilarious. I was literally laughing out loud watching him doing his breathing exercises. This was epic. Yes, definitely one of those episodes where you're like, well, we're in L.A. This show is definitely in LA.

I was reading Vanderpod recaps as I do on Instagram because she recaps all of the extra podcasts because everybody on this show has a podcast now. So to really know what's going on, you have to go listen to 20,000 podcasts, which of course I'm not going to do, you know? But thanks to this account I get to know. But this is another writer. This is from Dana and Katie's podcast, which is called Disrespectfully. There's something about disrespectfully here.

So they are talking about how Raquel's been outing Logan, like, oh, Logan knew. Like Raquel is still finding a way to make every single episode about Tom Sandoval. I don't know why that's surprising since everybody else on the cast is still able to do this every single day of their lives, talk about the Scandival.

But they're talking about it, Dana and Katie, how Raquel is blaming everybody else. Like, oh, well, Logan must have known, so Logan is a bad friend because Logan walked in on us cuddling. You've heard this, right? So this line is from it and it's just so LA. So they were under a blanket and Logan saw them.

And Katie says, in a social media room, not the bathroom. Dana says, yeah, in a social media room, not the bathroom. A social media room? That's a thing? People have a social media room, not the bathroom. A social media room? That's a thing? People have a fucking Twitter room? So LA and then it's so LA. I do remember that Tom set up a whole Zoom room and that was a thing during the pandemic

that he was very proud of his perfectly appointed social media room. And then there's another one in here where Dana is saying, yeah, I'm really mad at Sheena because Sheena went on Juicy Scoop, the Juicy Scoop podcast. And she talked about a threesome that almost happened and it didn't almost happen. That really hurts my feelings that she would go like talk about a threesome like, don't she mean for a threesome? And she's like, this whole thing,

I was like, it's like being back in West Hollywood. And then she says something like, so wait, when did that happen, Katie? Was it before or after my nose job? I was like, oh my God! How am I not listening to this? Oh my God. God bless this show.

So the episode opens up. God bless this mess. God bless this mess. God bless Southwest Airlines for their judicious flight schedule that goes right over James and Ali's house because the very first thing we see is that airplane. So we know where we're going next.

I mean, I think- Ali Bali's house. Every time I see a Southwest plane fly overhead, I'm like, oh, better go dress Ali Bali. This is literally the funniest thing that the post-production department on this show has ever done, is the repeated visual cue

of the Southwest airline flight going overhead. It is just, it cracks me up every single time. It just shades James and Ali week after week after week. So James is on, you know, he's putting another brick down on his long and windy path to becoming a creepy, knife-wielding, lifetime husband. Lifetime movie husband.

And we find out that James dresses Ali, and she's like, yeah. I don't like picking out my clothes because it's really hard, so James does it. He's like, how about this Sally Belly little Barbie moment? Bobby's here right now. I think this looks really cute on you. So what was I made for?

He steams my dresses for me and he doesn't curl my hair yet. But I always joke because we're working up to that. This guy, I mean, when you talk about playing house, he is literally playing house. He is dressing up his girlfriend, putting up their proverbial white picket fence. It's all gonna come shattering down. Like next season is gonna be the James and Allie chaos season.

Yeah, I don't know. I never see it coming. Like I really never saw it coming with Raquel. I was completely shocked by that one. So I will be surprised. James is still like James talk about peaks and valleys. James goes, he has his disaster seasons. And then he has his I'm a good little boy seasons. And then the good little boy seasons, he likes to manufacture an image of himself and his girlfriends and

like whatever's going on. Like we're just a perfect family that's moved. We're moving on and we're adults now and everything is good and there are no problems whatsoever. And then of course it teeters into disaster the following season. So next season, some fucking like ice cream replacement therapy for addiction. And it just all, I mean, I've never seen somebody so sad eating ice cream. Now I've seen somebody sad while they're eating ice cream, but I've never seen somebody eating ice cream in a way like, I have to eat this ice cream or I can't be happy.

You know what I mean? Like, I've never seen somebody, usually people are sad and then they eat the ice cream to feel better. James was eating it, you know, because it was like a replacement for drugs and stuff, which, you know, don't treat ice cream like that. I feel like ice cream deserves its own respect and its own addiction.

It's not replacement therapy. It's not something we shouldn't be grateful for. Whenever you fucking have ice cream, you need to be goddamn grateful for it. I'm always grateful for ice cream. Me too. I'm literally so grateful. That's why it was so disturbing.

Yeah. It's hard to watch it. I would pick out an outfit for my ice cream and curl its hair and let that ice cream sing what was I made for it because I love it that much. 100% would. I would spend a million and a half dollars to live under an airplane path.

If it meant living with ice cream. Yeah, I would literally do everything that James does for ice cream. I would do it all. I love it. I love ice cream. Yeah, I would literally do everything that James does for ice cream. I would do it all. I love it, I love ice cream so much. I love it, I'm obsessed with ice cream. I'm obsessed. So he's, and remember he was going to that place,

it was like, I don't know, I didn't trust the place that he was going. It's like Sweet Rose Creamery or something. Yeah, where they would have like, oh, it's like, what am I trying to say? Savory ice creams or like they make mint ice cream. It's not like the sweet mint ice cream. It's like natural mint crushed up. No, no. Give me fucking real ice cream. Don't fucking fake the shit. You know, I'm cursing like this today. You guys, I'm sorry. Any kids in the car.

I'm going to say this because now you brought this up. Don't, if you're making mint ice cream, don't make it from steeped mint leaves. No, it's not going to work. Mint extract. It should taste like a, uh, a peppermint Patty. People have worked for literal centuries. People have like worked for literal centuries to process food. Okay. That's not something that just happened. Can we stop shitting all over process? Food? literal centuries to process food. Okay. That's not something that just happened. Can we stop shitting all over processed food? They're making an effort. Okay.

You know, it's so funny that you just said that literally as I'm recording here, I'm like, Hey, I just got an email from myself. How did that happen? And I forgot that I had scheduled an NBD fancy where I talked about making grilled cheese and I am putting forward that you had to make grilled cheese with American cheese. It's, you know what? Processed food. Will that be shameful?

No. That's it. That on the other hand is like, okay, you just ruined this whole segment. Grilled cheese. All right, go ahead and just edit this out. So let's just start with, come to Europe. We're going to Europe.

Alley-bally. Alley-bally, never with American cheese, alley-bally. Bobby's having a moment. Bobby's having a moment. American cheese on your grilled cheese, everyone. That's a place for processed food. I was trying to support your processed food thing and you just, you shut me out. It has its place, you know what I mean?

Grilled, American cheese, in a grilled cheese, I'm sorry. I'm just fucking with you. You know I'm a big fan of Velveeta and mac and cheese. Yeah, I thought you were gonna be so 100% in favor. I thought you were a gas pan. I just wanted to watch you slowly spiral. And then you were like, no. I was like, what?

If you watched the video, you could probably see me look so confused. Like did Brian just say no to American cheese on a grilled cheese? I did, I was gonna see if I could make you spiral. You did, you flummoxed me. I saw it starting and it felt good, I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I was gonna see if I could make you spiral. You did, you flummoxed me. I saw it starting and it felt good, I'm not gonna lie. I mean, American cheese.

I love you, I love you so goddamn much. I know, it's like, I love you too. You're my little American cheese. You're my crafting. Okay, so James stops for Ali creepy and nobody's surprised. So now the conversation turns to Joe and James is like, so you're inviting Joe to Hotel Ziggy,

which we're really making. I mean, people are really making this hotel Ziggy happening or happen on the show. Hotel Ziggy looks like a best Western. It was the best. Is that what it was? Actually, I think it was the Grafton Hotel. Sorry. It's next. Was the Grafton Hotel a best Western? No, it was a hotel that was based off

of the books of Sukhrafn. No, I'm just kidding. It's just a rant. It's like H is for hotel room. R is for room service. R is for what? Room service. She was killed by A for American Thieves.

Ali-Bali. Ali-Bali, we don't eat American Gs here. We're trying to be good family for TV. I, last time I came to LA, I was like, maybe I'll stay in Hotel Ziggy, because that would be camp, you know, it's like, it's always on VPR and that would be fun. I was reading the reviews and just laughing my ass off. Because it's, you know, a best Western with a DJ stand in the middle, like I just said. So it's people like, so I'm staying in this hotel

and they were literally playing club music outside my door, like in basically in the hallway. Yeah, I don't know. I wanna check it out. I wanna see it, cause it's now part of like band and pump rules, but I have, it reminds me of that awful hotel we stayed in in Chicago, it was like a days in that was trying to be like Hotel Ziggy,

and it was like the worst hotel of all time. The worst. That place sucked. Okay, so. He's playing at Hotel Ziggy, and so James is like, tonight I'm DJing at Hotel Ziggy, it's a party to be at the Sunset Boulevard. And there's not like, oh, it's not like, oh,

you can come and you can't come, like everyone can come. It's everyone's invited to my parties. I show up, a DJ crew, DJ equipment and a crowd, you know, Ali Bali on my side, Ice Cream on my hand, and you will have the best business your place has had in a long time. So get ready Hotel Ziggy, 13 more people coming to your courtyard tonight.

Yeah, cuz Ally's like, Did you invite Joe to come to Hotel Ziggy? I hope everyone's not mad about that. And he's like, of course I invited her. I'm a fucking DJ, okay? A DJ is even lower in the ranks than being an improviser. You're begging your friends to come to your show. I don't give a fuck if somebody cheated on you right in front of your fucking children.

I'm inviting them to my show. I have to have people there, okay? Improv doesn't run itself. You need an audience there. It's not yes, it's yes and. It's like your friends who are comics, which we have plenty of, who are just like, you guys want to come to my birthday? It's also a comedy show! You're a god damn it. You tricked me into this. Constantly getting tricked by people into going to their shows. Yeah. So Ali's talking about how the last time she was at hotel Ziggy, um, she had that awkward first meeting with Raquel. Let me see that from a year ago. And Ali's like, yeah, Raquel, I appreciate you guys as relationship because he'd be a completely different if he didn't have you.

And Raquel's like, wait a second. That was actually mean. Wait a second. So then James is like, a lot has changed since then, that's for damn sure, right? And she's like, yeah, a lot has changed since then, James. She's like, literally everything, put on these shoes. Okay, this is so Pisces of me.

So then we go over to Tom and Ariana's house and oh God, what a gift. It's Billy Lee back on our TVs. Jesus Christ, speaking of things nobody asked for, okay? Get off of my television. I did not ask you here. Go away. Shoot. Well, she is here. Billy Lee has arrived and she's like, Hey, and Sandra Balls like making his bed. And she's like, Wow, it's like clean in here. And he's like, Oh, yeah, it is. And she's like, yeah, like every time I like come and go from your house, I just get like so fucking nervous.

And he's like, why? Because like, Ariana. He's like, everybody has a roommate, right? My roommate of 10 years, get it, get it. That's his line. You're hilarious, you're hilarious, Tom. So they're talking about Hotel Ziggy. The whole town is abuzz with talk of Hotel Ziggy.

Ziggy. You going to Ziggy tonight? You going to the HZ tonight? So Billy Lee is really trying to make her friend T a thing. She's like, yeah, I'm bringing my girl T. You remember T? There's the girl you didn't talk to at your party. Let's do it again.

Let's go try it a second time. And we see a flashback of him doing his line that you just did about like the having a roommate. That's my ex-girlfriend of 10 years, which last week he did the same line but to girls in the pool. So he's just using this line wherever he can. Yeah, this is him like being hilarious.

It's like, I'm sure you've all heard. And this time the girls were like, yeah, we've heard. Like this time they hated him, which I liked. Cause last week they showed the girls looking awkward but they were also like, oh, I mean, I guess we're on TV. And these girls were like, we hate you. We're just here to hate you on TV. So.

Yeah. So. By the way, did you hear that he doesn't pay that, remember how he had that bartender last week? Well, she apparently came out on TikToker, one of them internet sites, them websites on the internet. Yeah. And was like, yeah, Tom Send-A-Val

just calls you his friend so he doesn't have to pay you, cause I'm not even his friend, and he didn't pay me for bartending his friend. Wow. There you go,'s a friend. Wow. There you go. Typical. Shocker. Yeah.

Blow me down! That one shocked me. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. If you don't know when Crystal Pepsi was discontinued, what was in Al Capone's vault, or which famous meteorologist is Lenny Kravitz's second cousin, then you haven't spent enough time on Wikipedia.

But that's okay. I am here for you. I'm Darcy Carden and I'm inviting you to listen to my new podcast, WikiHole, from Smartless Media. Discover the craziest rabbit holes on Wikipedia with me and my funny friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the sciency term for eardrum. friends as we bring the cyber frontier directly to your tympanic membrane. And if you listen to my podcast, you'd learn that that's the sciency term for eardrum.

We embark on a hyperlink rollercoaster as we start out on a Wikipedia page and go from link to link to link to link, careening through trivia, oddities, and unexpected connections until we collectively shout, how the hell did we get here? Follow WikiHole on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to WikiHole ad free by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Hey, grownups. The Cat in the Hat cast is a new podcast from Wondry perfect for the whole family.

Join the Cat in the Hat and your favorite Dr. Seuss characters as they get whisked away on a new adventure every week. Fish dreams of creating his very own polite and quiet podcast. That is, until he gets a surprise visit to his Fishbowl podcast studio from the Cat in the Hat himself, and it becomes very clear that the Cat has other plans for the podcast. And those plans are the opposite of quiet. Sing along to new favorite songs, try your luck at Titanic tongue twisters,

have some fun with wondrous wordplay, and most importantly, bring your family along for all of the adventures in the Cat in the Hat cast. Follow the Cat in the Hat cast on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the Cat in the Hat cast early and ad free on Wondry+. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Wondry Kids Plus on Apple podcasts today.

So, um, so that's who's talking with Billy Lee and everything. And he's like, well, I don't know what's going on, Ariana, but I love this house. And it's like a great house. But like, I mean, the ball in her court, she has to just like respond to an email so you have like some sort of like plan of action, dude. Yeah. He wants to keep this house and she does not want him to have it

because he wants it so bad, you know? But you're gonna condo team Ariana on that one. Why should he get the fucking house? What if that's her dream house too? You shouldn't. Yeah. Cough it up, sir. Although in the news we found out this week

that Ariana just bought a $1.6 million home in the Hollywood Hills. Yeah. To which I say that's cheap. It's a good deal. I know. I was like, enjoy your shack. Enjoy your decrepit garage with the bed in it.

Cause 1.6 million in the Hollywood Hills, wow. That's cheap, right? I think anywhere in LA that's pretty cheap. Yeah, real estate, am I right guys? I'm a real expert loving Redfin these days. I was a Zillow person, then Zillow started fucking it up. Then I became a Realtor.com person and right now I'm really into Redfin.

So I'd like to thank them for everything they do for me. Yeah, it's great. They do great work, great work. Did I think that maybe they were a website about seafood purveying? Did I think I could maybe get some, order some scallops from there? Perhaps, but it turns out Redfin, real estate.

But only bullied ones ones only ginger ones We're only we're only serving redheaded fish who were bullied in school. Oh, I see specific only Fish that have had a hard knock life. All right The scallops like maybe The scallops like, maybe for a way. I don't know why I started that so high. It's like, I don't even know my own. Yeah, come on, Ronnie. My own range.

Okay, so. You gotta get yourself some place to move into there. You gotta move. Dude, I know. We gotta get to the big chorus people. So Billy Lee's like, well, not that you need to jump into another relationship, but my girl T, you know?, like she's my girl. She's my girl tea. So like maybe she get with my girl tea. You know what I mean? And he's like, well, I did just wash my sheets. Oh, you're

nailing it today. Oh, well, like, I mean, at least if you didn't live with your ex girlfriend, like you do, you know, you could have people over. He's like, oh, roommate joke, roommate joke. She's like, oh, you're so hilarious. Why is Billie Lee so intent on getting Tee together with Sandoval? I think is it just makes, I guess it elevates Billie Lee's position a bit. Yes, because it gets her on the show.

It gives her an anchor on the show, you know, she got them together, so she's the one that you go talk to whenever something's wrong with T, you know, you can have a discussion with Billy Lee. The fuck is T hanging out with all these old people for? That's a great question that does come up a little bit later. So then on the other side of the house, we see Ariana getting ready and she FaceTimes and

is getting ready to go to Taylor Swift. Anne is like, hey, wow, so excited to get a phone call right now, it's Ariana, wow, this is exciting. Please tell me I don't have to come over there and clean up dog poop because I'm going to Taylor Swift and I spent $2,500 just in the parking lot. Please tell me, please tell me. You're so beautiful, my God, I love looking at you

right now on FaceTime. I'm gonna go see Taylor Swift tonight, but I put your face on her I put your face on her body on this t-shirt. Do you like it? I hope you like it You know what? Sometimes when I think of you, you know, I do I say it's me. Hi, I'm not the problem It's me cuz you're not the problem. You're actually the hero not the anti-hero. Oh my god. Don't you love it? I call myself weird weird Yankovic sometimes when I do this with songs. I'm a little weird.

So Ariana's like, oh, love it. Lavender Haze vibes. Love that. So I wanted to ask you a couple of questions. Anything, anything you want. I will come over. You want me to come over? I'll come over right now.

I'm under your desk. Look under your desk. Just kidding. I could be, though, if you want. I will come over, you want me to come over? I'll come over right now, I'm under your desk. Look under your desk. Just kidding, I could be though, if you invited me. I wouldn't come if you didn't invite me, that would be weird. But I'll figure it out. Do you want a friendship bracelet? I made it a beaded bracelet for Taylor Swift.

I don't know, but I can give it to you, Ariana, whatever you need. Do you want my ticket? I don't need to, I don't even like Taylor Swift anymore. You go, you go in my place, it'll be like I'm there. Dun, dun. Lover. Okay, okay, you're getting creepy right now. I'm just saying I'm

getting ready. But I'm gonna leave in 45 minutes. So I just need to know is Tom downstairs? Oh, for Christ's sake. Stop being scared of Tom's downstairs. Here's what you do. Get yourself a super soaker or a stun gun. But I was a super soaker. I don't even know this is going. Leave an alone. It's bad enough that Anne has to clean up Tom shit all over the place without having to go spy for you and find out if you have to walk in the

same room as Tom. Fuck that. Get you a super soaker and spray his stupid ass whenever he's in your way. He should be the one hiding, not you. Yeah. So Anne, Anne, so like, I feel like I'm on the verge of full burnout. So I need an assistant. So I was gonna ask, do you know anybody? She's like, oh my God, an assistant. Oh my God. Hey, can I be in the running, please? Can I, or can I just run? Can I run? Am I allowed to run right now? I forget. Am I allowed to do this? Please, can I be your assistant instead of Tom's?

I would love that so much. Can I be in the running? Like running to your house, which I am. My God, I'm running to your house. Look outside. I'm here. Ding dong. We will never, ever, ever be not Boston Assistant.

Because we're gonna be Boston Assistant. That's what I'm trying to say. Too many double nikes, I'm so sorry. And she's like, of course you can, Anne. And she tells us, Anne's so sweet. She deserves more than having to put up with Tom. But I don't know if I'm the one to do it, but someone needs to save Anne.

Hashtag save Anne. Save her. And she's like, but you know, oh, Arianna's like, you know, look, I don't want him to get pissed because that's not cool, like poaching his assistant. And she goes, but I know, oh, Arian was like, you know, look, I don't want him to get pissed because that's not cool, like, poaching his assistant, you know, and she goes, but I wanna work with you so bad, please.

Yeah, I totally understand. Yeah, it's fine. I'm just gonna go cry at the Taylor Swift concert now. It's all totally ruined. Ah! By the way, I have to, can I tell you something? Can I confess something? So I had like a huge amount of FOMO

that I didn't see the Iris tour. And I, I just, I'm like, I, I, I want to go. And I, and she's going to New Orleans. There's the Iris tour is still going to go, keep going. Would it be wild if I bought myself a solo ticket to see the Taylor Swift Iris Tour in New Orleans? Oh my gosh, do it. Is that wild? They're so expensive, but I kind of feel like when I went to the Madonna concert, I was like, this concert's amazing, but I can only imagine what it must have been like to see Madonna at her peak, like a blonde ambition. And I was

like, you know what? I don't wanna like see Taylor Swift in 25 years and imagine what it must have been like to have gone to an iconic concert tour. So I think I'm gonna do something wild and take myself to New Orleans and buy a solo ticket off the secondary market. It's gonna be a huge amount of money. Is this wild?

Is this crazy? Should I do this? Go for it, do it. Live your best life. Okay, I think I'm gonna do it. Yeah, live your best life. Okay, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, go for it.

Why not? Okay. People will now be like, Hey, I live in New Orleans, but let's party. And you guys can like have a Taylor Swift party. I imagine there'll be like a bunch of 22 year old girls and you guys can go just like party it up. I'm gonna dress like Anne and. I'm like, hey, Ariana, I'm at the Taylor Swift concert.

Flip to base live. Listen, I took a road trip one time to see Liza Minnelli in Atlanta with some girls from Into the Woods. Okay. Listen, I'm not gonna tell you not to live your dreams. Okay, I will do I saw some amazing scarf work that night. Was it best vocal work? No, she's had a rough road. But she did play with scarves a lot and jump over them and twirl

them. And it was amazing and 100 degree heat. I mean, she's still got it. And it's like Liza says, you got to ring them bells. So I'm gonna ring this. I'm gonna ring, you got to ring them bells. I'm going to ring this. I'm going to ring the bells of StubHub. Ben, ring them bells. OK. OK, everyone in New Orleans, I'm going to Taylor Swift. So and it's like, please send me work for you.

And then we go over to Schwartz, meaning Lala for smoothies at a place called creation, but with with a K because God forbid you try and steal from the Lord. No, well, you know it's healthy for you because they turn the C into a K and K is an inherently healthier letter than C apparently. Really? Who's vitamin K? Well, it's not called special C.

That's true. Well, it's not called special C. So Schwartz is like, I love this place. Whoa, whoa. By the way, I'm in the midst of a sober bender. It's not crazy because you know, like, uh, can we do some syringes? Yeah. Get it? Cause it's a bender. It's a bender of sobriety. I want to know who the shirtless guy was who was in that creation Like how do you just walk just the shirtless into a juice shop? I mean I get it but like people in LA are ridiculous So I'm sorry did that happen before after my nose job. It's trying to get this timeline down So they're ordering at creation If you by the way, I've been to creation and if you get water there, it's green.

It's got chlorophyll in it. It's so LA. It's so LA. Yeah. So he's like, you should have some dried strawberries. They're so good. They're like strawberries, but they're dried. And she's like, okay, they look like dates.

Sounds like shets. Sounds like I'm gonna shets. Like, hey, can I like dates. So sounds like shets. Sounds like I'm gonna shets. Like, hey, can I order some? I'm gonna shets. He goes, wait, why aren't we on a date? She goes, no, they look like dates. Not we're on a date. He's like, I'm just kidding about it.

Just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I was pretending like you were Joseph for a second. Ha, joking, we're on a date. So they go outside. They do these like syringes that have, I guess they're sober syringes. I don't know what they really are. And he's like, oh,, they do these like syringes that have, I guess they're sober syringes,

I don't know what they really are. And he's like, oh, let's do these because you can't do Jello shots across the street. I'm Tom Tom with me. Oh, my cute little boy. And Lala's like, no, I cannot. So they do it. And Lala is like joking about-

I think he's squ scored it on me. Whenever I feel awkward, I talk about my vagina. Or sex. It's not a great quality itself. So have you ever had sober sex? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have sober sex. Like when I'm in a relationship, I have sober sex. Oh yeah, I love sober sex.

Wait a second. Wait a second. Did you say sober sex or sobering sex? Because Katie and I had very sobering sex. I would have sex with Katie and then I would immediately feel sober. Is that weird? I would cry. And then all of a sudden all my decisions I'd ever made in my life would come into stark relief. Yeah! Very sobering stuff.

Yeah, you know, let's do let's go more down the sobriety path because it's hilarious, you know, when you're talking to a sober person and just disregarding their sobriety, like, so funny that you're sober because like, I'm kind of sober too. Like I'm addicted to being sober sometimes. Like sometimes I'll be like not sober. But then I'm like, you know, what what's going to feel like being fucked up being sober? So like it's sober. Like right now, like I'm sober for like five minutes. It's so hilarious. I'm like on like a sober bender, right?

Isn't that so fun? Aren't I just like saying things that you as a server person are not gonna get really mad at me saying like with my non-alcoholism privilege? Isn't that how you feel? My non-alcoholism privilege. I understand what he means in a way because when I started kind of sobering up,

it did feel like a different kind of being wasted because I just wasn't used to being awake all day. I would be like, wow. I would watch an entire show on TV at night and be like, I just watched a whole show. I have sleeping issues. I can't sleep. I can't sleep.

It's like, babe, you're not taking anything. I love that. You just, I love that. That's how you, that's how you reason yourself. I do have to talk myself down. I'm single all the time. I have to talk to myself. I have to be like, this isn't that important. Everything is okay. Your heart racing. Take your blood pressure. You can do this. Choo choo choo choo choo. We're going gonna have some cereal right now, choo choo choo. Special C. I just felt like I had to imagine that as like to someone who is like a sober person and putting in like the work and the effort of having to be sober to like Lala

to have someone to say like, man, I like to binge binge on being sober in a way that's like, I have to imagine that must be annoying to hear, like this, like acting like you're going through, like you're experiencing this novelty of an experience when this is actually what Lala's life is now. I have to, I personally think I would be annoyed, but then again, I'm not in Lala's shoes, but. Well, yeah, because people start flailing around

acting like idiots around a sober person. Like they're a hero. Because it feels like you're judging that person. I think that to a non-sober person, it feels like, oh, you're sober? That means you think I'm an alcoholic, right? So it's all this dancing all over it. Like, oh, well, you're sober.

I love sobriety. Like I try that out sometimes. Yeah, sobriety's great. Love sobriety. You wanna go across the street and have jealous shots? Just kidding. We're gonna do shots here, because they're healthy. I love sobriety. You want to go across the street, have jealous shots? Just kidding. We're going to do shots here because they're healthy. I love sobriety.

This is so fun. God, I love it. And like you turn into fucking Shannon Baddour, you know, being across from a sober person. And I think that's what he's doing. Also, I think that like binging on sobriety, like that is inherently not sober to do that because the binge implies that eventually like you stop being stopped doing that so that's inherently not like a sober thing it's

just like you are just not drinking for a few days and like that's that doesn't mean you've binged on sobriety it just means you just haven't tried just you're not just not drinking but you're gonna go back to drinking so yeah he's just trying to feel like it's like taking it's I just feel like for people I imagine and maybe I'm fighting a fight that is like not even mine to fight because I don't and I don't even know I'm Doing this but it's just the nature of antipump rules. Just like him saying like wow, I did like a binge of sobriety I did I was like sober for like a week. It's like yeah Congrats. I have to do it for the rest of my life Shut up That's what I would say personally

But you know, you gotta dance. It's like, I'm not an alcoholic, am I? Am I an alcoholic? Oh my God, are you calling me an alcoholic right now? I don't want shots, just kidding, I don't want shots. Why did I say that? I'm sober, I'm sober right now, totally fine. Anyway, I don't know why I'm speaking on behalf

of sober people when I'm not sober myself. So I'll just be quiet. Because it's Bravo right now and we're fucking inundated. It's more like it's Tom Schwartz. And drugs and this is a conversation on almost every show right now. And so, you know, it's in the conversation. We start thinking about it and like, am I sober?

Like, what is sobriety? Because these shows have also redefined what sobriety means. Because we've seen that. It's like there's a reality reckoning going on. For me, I think it's more like the reason why I started doing that little monologue. It's more like, it's just the Schwartz of it all, that he does this thing that's like, cute,

and like, so like, I'm on your journey with you, and you're like, it's still bullshit though, Schwartz. Everything you say is bullshit. Yeah. So also, the main theme of this episode is these people don't like each other at all anymore. They used to at least have to work in a restaurant together and that's how they were kind of connected.

And then after that they were like, well, we're still on a show together, let's still hang out. But now they don't hang out, they don't like each other. They clearly all hate each other. And so every time they get together, it's so fucking awkward and it's like they're starting over. So when does Tom Schwartz ever hang out with Lala? Never.

So that's why it's so fucking awkward, you know? So here we go. And that's almost every scene on the show today is people who hate each other having to hang out. And it's really fun. It's like a fun experiment. Yeah, it's really takes us back to the roots of this show. So Schwartz is like,

so are you gonna go to Hotel Ziggy tonight? She's like, yes, I think I'm gonna go. Is Sandoval's coming? And he's like, yeah. Oh, James invited him? Wow, sk. Wow, sk. Wow, sk, that's crazy.

I can't wait to have tacos. Pink tacos, like my purse. Sorry, I'm feeling really awkward right now. I'm awkward, sk. I'm awkward. Hotel Ziggy, more like Hotel Biggie for vaginas. I'm not going to Hotel Ziggy, but I'm going to Hotel Squirty.

So you wanna go up? Just kidding, sorry. Sorry, I don't know why I said that. Everyone bring a puncher. I'm squirting all over Hotel Ziggy tonight. Sorry, I'm awkward. I speak about vaginas when I get nervous. Last time I was at Hotel Ziggy,

I left that bed so fucking wet. Thought a fire went off in there and the sprinkler just happened. I was almost hired to be the water feature in the courtyard because I was squirting so much. Frank Sinatra started playing because the hotel thought I was the Bellagio fountain for a second. Yeah, I was almost hired.

I was almost hired by the groves to take on my new alternate personality, Frank Squirtnot Tra. That's right. So he's like, yeah, yeah, you know, Tom, Tom, kiss the gum. Oh, we saw Jack said Tom Tom, you know, and Jackson Tom, like, it's not like they hate each other or anything. They just haven't seen each other in like, I don't know, years.

Yeah, cause they fucking hate each other. That's why, my God. And then we see Sandoval and him having a dumpster talk at Sir and Sandoval saying, that's the kind of friend you want Jack to kind of never question you and agree with you all the time. Okay, fine. That's what you want. Then go have them. Jack's go have them. Which is so funny because that's exactly the line that Jacks uses now questions, Kristen. Yeah. So anyway, so Schwartz just says that they persevered and everything. They literally did not persevere. No, they tolerated.

You forced them into hanging out together. They tolerated. Yeah. And so, and then Schwartz is like, yeah, it was good, it was amazing. And you know, oh man, I think I have post-scan of all brain fog, not to be confused to pre have post scan of all brain fog, not to be confused to pre scan of all brain fog, not to be confused with just the brain fog I just

live with every single day. But when I see that brain fog or reality because I'm sober right now, I can't even tell I'm on a brain fog bender right now. So addicted to brain fog. Hey, can I have a straw? Because I want to I want want to snort up this, um, what were we saying it was brain fog. I want to start up this brain fog. Who's not sober. I can't even think of a word we said two seconds ago. Brain fog. Um, so say Schwartz is being very sly because what he's about to do, well, he, he's then saying, I mean, when I see what Tom did

compared to what we've all done, I feel like everyone's cheated in some way, right? Like we've all cheated, we've all done stupid shit. I mean, I cheated, I was a makeout slut. I mean, I made out with Cheena 12 years ago in Vegas. Anyway, God, I love this chlorophyll in this water. So he's just tried to slide that right in there while the heat's not on him.

Just slide it in. Yeah, and she's like, what? And he's like, no one even knows that. Oh my God, that was so long ago. I mean, it was the most innocuous thing, you know? I'm just saying, you know, we've all done stuff. She's like, wait a minute, you made out with Sheena once? I just squirted.

Sorry, you made me nervous. I don't know. I think it was somewhere in Vegas. That's all. Pre Katie? Pre Katie? Quirtits. Sorry, you're making me nervous. I don't know. I think it was somewhere in Vegas. That's all. Pre-KD? Pre-KD? It's like, uh, maybe pre-during.

It was a rocky moment. It was during a rocky moment. Yeah, I was actually at the Rocky Mountain fudge store, you know, and I kissed her. Yeah. So Schwartz is really working for the producers this year. He's doing everything they ask.

He's bringing Joe on camera. He's starting drama because nothing is happening this season. So he's starting shit by bringing Jax back and helping his show come out. Now he's starting some more drama so Katie can get mad at him some more. He's kind of producer planting. And last year he spent doing the Raquel storyline to get Katie mad and keep talking.

I mean, this guy is just such a fucker. He's just doing everything. Him and Katie are still in a relationship. I don't care what anybody says. They can call each other single all they want to. They are so codependent on each other, on hurting each other's feelings, putting each other through hell and torturing each other

and then apologizing later. Well, Katie doesn't apologize. But he gets off on pissing off Katie putting each other through hell and torturing each other and then apologizing later. Well, Katie doesn't apologize. But he gets off on pissing off Katie. And then Katie gets off on becoming this huge victim and getting to mope around and cry and be, you know, Katie, be as Katie as she can about it. And then he gets to grovel and apologize

and pretend like he's a good person until he kind of softens her up and then fucks her over again. Yeah. Cycle. I think he's punishing her. He's punishing her because she didn't participate in Tahoe and that she and Ariana are like doing their own thing.

And like, I think he's punishing her because a lot of people feel very caught. They're afraid that like people are friends with them, that then with them as in the Toms, that then they're gonna lose their friendship with Ariana and Kate. So I think he's like, he's angry. And the way he gets revenge is he just says something that he knows will be really hurtful to Katie. And he enters it right there in on the gossip on ramp with Lala. And

because he's like, Oh, yeah, oh, man, it's just a small thing. It's a little whatever, just brought it out, whatever. He's such a piece of work. It's also, he doesn't have Sheena on their side right now. Sheena's like kind of anti them at the bar. She's like, you're a bruny man, I'm a talking man, since I'm about, you know, instead of being completely on their side because she's friends with Katie right now. So he's gonna throw a wrench into that one too, you know?

It's a numbers game at the end of the day. So Lala's like, so are you saying that Sheena dabbled in the group's bits? And Schwartz's like, no, just like maybe microdosed, something like that, you know? Really small, I'm a good little boy. Yeah, and so she's like, I'm gonna be straight up with you Schwartz, I'm fucking over people

lying to my face, okay? Which of course Lala's gonna make this about her. It's like how could she not tell me that she made up with Schwartz? Because it's embarrassing. Would you fucking tell people? Yeah, and she knows it would, Sheena knows it would actually cause chaos,

especially if it sounds like it was like a big nothing. And so she knows Lala's like, she knows and I have gotten extremely close and we've become each other's vaults. And I just just seem strange to me that at no point in time was she like girls, I've got to tell you something. I got to spill some tea like what? So Lala's like this kitty no, and short's like, no, well, I don't know if I told Katie, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, anyone anything and get me in trouble. What have I done? How? Hope Katie doesn't get upset and have an excuse to be a little hurt now.

So then we go to Lala's apartment and Katie comes over and you know, hates her. It's another scene where people who really don't like each other are being forced to hang out. So Lala's like, hi, I'm just trying to enjoy a little clean time when I don't have oceans because the second she comes back, this entire area is going to be a fucking bombsk.

Yeah, I feel the same way about the dogs. That's what every parent loves is when dog owners are like, yeah, I feel the way, but I feel the same way about my dogs as you do about your babies. They're like, oh, excuse me. Do you know, you know how many times I've gotten in trouble with actual parents about that? I'm like, yeah, Bielder's like my baby.

They're like, no, you don't get to do that, okay? Yeah, because you're robbing parents that's the one thing that they have, which is the ability to look down on you for not having a child. Exactly, like you don't get to just have a dog. Your dog shits outside, okay? When you have something shitting all over your face, okay?

And then their first word is like, fuck you, gay wad. Okay, then you can come complain to us, but you have a dog. It can't talk, it can't argue, it can't kick you, can't shit all over you, stop it. No, the best is I'll one up you when you say, oh yeah, my plans are like my children. I have to take care of them all the time. Oh my plans, yeah, you can't do that with plans.

That's the best because it's so insulting. Oh my God, your child reminds me of my ficus. Oh my God, I have, it's so funny, like all the work, it's like, oh my God, I was up all night because my child had a fever and I just had to take care of them and they just would not go to sleep. It just requires so much work.

I'm like, I get it, girl. I'm like growing some time in a little pot in my kitchen and it is like not responding well. It's like, ugh, it's like I'm putting all this energy into you, just let me sleep. Your kid reminds me of my succulent, cause it sucks. I've got some aloe and it's just like dying. And I'm like, you're supposed to be a helpful plant

and you're not. Just like, I totally get it. Kids, am I right? So Katie's like, yeah, because dogs, they have like all their stuffed animals and then they gut them and they leave a mess. And then all that's like, yeah, because dogs, they have like all their stuffed animals and then they gut them and they leave a mess. And then I was like, okay, so. You're not dealing with the terrorism

that is Ram's memory on your chat. You don't have to look at Ram's every time your dog guts the toy, okay bitch. So let's just change the conversation. So I had smoothies with creations with shorts yeah it's the place of the K into the C yeah it's super healthy and um so he drops on me well he actually dropped his entire milkshake on me which was really upsetting but then after he dropped on

me that a few years ago Sheena and I made out in Vegas. And Katie's like, what the actual fuck? Are you kidding me? By the way, Lala, what a great friend Lala is. She's like, Sheena and I are like such good friends now. I'm running straight to her enemy. Yeah. With this information. And she's like, yeah, Katie's like, I just have like so many questions. Like, when was this?

And where exactly was this? And was this the time that Schwartz said he went to Vegas and met up with one of Sheena's friends? And was it actually, in fact, Sheena? There are just so many lies in this group. It's hard to keep track. She sounds like she's starting up a podcast, right? It sounds like a True Crime podcast.

Like she said, over the next seven episodes, we're gonna dive deep into this mystery. Join me, will you? Won't you? She could start a True Crime podcast based on all the shit that Schwartz has pulled. Hi, it's me, Music Kills Kate. Today's podcast is,

where did Schwartz go in fucking Mexico when he just disappeared for a night and then turned back the color gray. And then the music just goes, it's just a serial, serial theme song, but with instead of this episode is brought to you by mail. This is Katie and I've been disrespected. Let's go back September 22nd, 1999. The first time Schwartz said he would call me back and didn't. Where was he? I'm here at the Best Buy where I can prove to you that he literally did not buy the best thing here.

Now here's a phone booth. I noticed that Lala leaves out the part that it was 12 years ago, right? So making it sound like, oh, you know, this just happened or it could have happened at your wedding, you know? She's just leaving it, leaving Katie's mind to run. So Lala's like, I don't think you were there because no one was really complaining about how annoying you are. And she's like, well, I can't think of a time he was in Vegas with Sheena and I wasn't there. So and Lala's

like, well, you're gonna have to ask him because I wasn't around at that time. She goes, well, did you ask Sheena? She goes, no, I haven't seen Sheena. I wanted to talk to you first. And she tells us, I went back and forth, like, should I talk to Sheena? But then I was like, I don't want to give Sheena a moment to make this okay. Well, nice heads up, friend.

Yeah, you know, it's very important for me to make sure that my best friends is totally blindsided on television. And also staring, sending the most terrifying person on the cast after them. You know what I mean? So, and her eyes and Sheena's eyes, you know, like that's the last thing Sheena wants

is Katie on her ass again. It's like, God, can I have five minutes where Katie's not on my ass? Well, little did we realize at this point that Sheena has her own bombshell to drop later on. Oh yes, that's the show, isn't it? So DJ Jims Kennedy, he's like at Hotel Ziggy now. Everybody's talking about it, guys.

Everyone at Hotel Ziggy's like, oh, since when did Southwest fly over this hotel? James was walking down the street, it's like. Oh, that plane is flying really close to the building. I'm trying to play a sight here, do you have to follow me everywhere across this damn city? Oh!

Some ice just falls from the plane. I'm always imagining when the Southwest airline goes, flies over. Little bag of peanuts. They're just dropping, cause I don't know, I have it, I don't think this is actually real, but I have it in my mind that planes,

they release the waste. Yeah, like little frozen cubes or something. Cubes of waste, and I think if they do do that, they don't do it over residential areas, but in my mind, they're always dropping it on James' head. Because Southwest would do that. Just wait, Southwest has to taste in music. They're like, get him, save it off as a DJ.

Bag of peanuts falls on his head. Ah! Okay, so now Schwartz and Joe are coming, and Schwartz is like, your name is Joseph. Ha ha ha! That is hilarious. I call you Joseph. You want a shot, Joseph?

She goes, um, I don't even know why you asked me because we always drink the same thing. Wait, hold on. I can't see you. Hold on. Let me look. Oh, I can see you now. You're behind the hand bush. Here's the church.

Here's the steeple. Open the doors inside. My little pet Charlie. Oh my God. Charlie're behind the hand bus. Ah! Here's the church, here's the sepal. Open the doors inside is the, my little pet Charlie. Oh my God, Charlie the turtle's back. He's in the church. So Jo is really Jo this episode, by the way. She literally is doing our impersonation of her. I was like, that did not take a long time.

She literally does the thing where she's like, oh, I'm like, she really does it. She does, yeah. She's like, do do do do do do do do do do do. Take a shot, take a shot now. Do do do do do do do do do. I think I'm so down, take a shot. Ah.

Uh. Uh. Uh. Oh. So they're doing shots and then Brock and Sheena's friend, Sheena and Brock and Sheena's friend, Sheena and Brock and Sheena's friend Madison stroll up and Shor's like, oh Sheena you got dressed up.

Yeah well it's like very much like the vibe, like you know like, and I wanted to get like a cute pic, you know like here's like my olympic sign piece, like Hotel Ziggy, like I'm totally hippie, but like Reggae too, I don't know. Yeah, cause it's me tonight, because it's like mom's night out, so I'm like looking like this, like I'm looking really good at Hotel City and also

It's like I'm kind of drinking tonight because like I don't drink drink, you know, like I normally don't drink drink anymore I'm like not sober, but I'm like sober sober. You know what I mean? Yeah, everybody's like trying to convince us that they're like not drinking for one episode is their shot at sobriety Stop trying to be sober. This is fucking Vanderpump rules, okay? Let the sober people live their best life and the rest of you stay messes. Yeah. Did you notice that her, well, Tori was there with her.

Tori was with Sheena's group. So, and, and. Really, Tori? Don't you have a baby to take care of? Yeah. You're supposed to have like a super newborn baby. Yeah, Tori. Yeah.

I like she's baby shaming people who don't even have babies. I just like baby shaming nannies. What are you doing here without the baby? She's like, I have the baby. Does Jocelyn know that you left the baby? Tori's like, I have the baby right here. She like lifts up a little potted plant.

How dare you compare that? It's not a real baby. Okay, so. So Sandoval and Kyle Chan, everyone loves the Kyle Chan cameo, and Ariana shows up and Sandoval's talking with Brock and he's like, oh, Ariana looks great. Like that's a good dress for her.

Like I just want to say something to her tonight. Like I'm afraid you don't. Like I'm afraid I'm the victim here, man. It's so hard for me. And Ariana looks amazing by the way. Yeah. Holy crap. My God. So she is totally revenge dressing it.

Love it. Which works. And Brock's like, I feel like the first thing you guys should try to do is figure out how to start a conversation. It's like you're Brock. Really? You were just yelling at your wife in a store the other day. I don't think you're the expert on starting a conversation. All right, here's my method. When you're having trouble communicating, I say, all right, when you're holding the didgeridoo, you get to talk. All right, but unfortunately you have to talk to the didgeridoo So a lot of our conversations are like wow, wow, wow, wow, wow get a babysitter. Wow. Wow. Wow

talking didgeridoo Can't talk unless you got the didgeridoo if you don't go to didgeridoo it's a didgeridoo know what I'm saying To be fair, it's also a question that Gina asked me a lot. Did your do in the bathroom yet? That was a weird summer. One day she'll get it. You got to believe as a parent. He's like, I know, but that's what I'm trying to tell my point setter.

My point's at ya. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, dude. Okay, so then Schwartz and Joe go over and say, oh, Tom Sandoval's like, oh, dude, I'm getting ghosted left and right over here. You're not getting ghosted. Being ghosted is when someone just stops talking to you and doesn't explain why, they just leave. You've been called a piece of shit and told to go die.

So. You're supposed to be the ghost. Yeah. So. It's not really the same. I mean, I guess it's been the same and like you've been figuratively murdered and turned into a ghost. So Schwartz and Joe go over, say hi to James.

There's like this bumps and James is like, what's going on Joe here to see the magnificence of DJ James Kennedy Hotel Ziggy. Oh, the pretzels this time. God damn it. She's like, oh my God, Joseph, Joseph, they all call me Joseph. I love DJing.

So letters from my favorite things, deals and jobs. I love deals. You can take advantage of deals when you have a job. Letters from my favorite things, deals and jobs. You can take advantage of deals when you have a job. It's crazy how that works out. Wiki, Wiki, Wiki. Do that thing with the records. Do that thing with the records. Sometimes Schwartz sounds like that when he's on my voicemail and he's got bad cell service.

He's like, hey Joe, it's me Schwartz. I'm like, are you a DJ? Are you a deal or a job? Do they have breadsticks here? Unlimited. So then Sheena's watching. I'm a cat. I'm a cat that does dog impersonations.

So Sheena's like, they're like totally dating. Like why are they acting like they're not dating? I love that everybody gets fucking energy from Joe. She's like, whoa, look at me right now. I'm a record. I'm a record. Hold on. You just gave me a right round round round like a record.

Could you imagine spinning around like a CD though? You go so fast. So she's like, um, like right now I really don't have a reason to like Joe. Like she literally drove with Raquel to go meet Tom's in Big Bear and then she like left with Raquel with Sandoval at Big Bear. It's just like a little homie hang. Like, come on bitch, you knew. Okay. Now here's my question. Who cares if Jo knew? And I know this is gonna, people are gonna get on my ass about this because look, it's

hard for me not to stick up for Jo because people on this show are so mean to her. I don't understand what she's done. Okay, so she knew that Tom and Raquel were fucking. Was she friends with these people? Was she friends with Ariana? Because from what we know from Raquel and everybody else, Tom is telling, Tom was like, oh, we have an open relationship.

We're just together for the show. Or we're just together because we have a brand or whatever he was telling people. So did he tell Joe and they just, she just bought that? Or? I don't know. Well, obviously later on we find out that Joe went to Thanksgiving with Ariana.

And so if she did know, that's incredibly shitty. I don't know. The question is, I just don't know enough the situation to know what Joe actually knows because I can see Joe going to like Big Bear and they're saying, okay, Joe, you can go now. Okay. Whoa. And she just like drives off.

I thought we were going to see a big bear. What is this? Is it a cabin? I can see why Ariana doesn't like Joe. I think that everyone else is just like of Joe feels tenuous. I just don't like, I don't see why it's like they hate her. Like they hate her. They hate her.

And I just don't understand why she is like engenders that kind of emotional response. I don't either. I mean, I understand why she is like engenders that kind of emotional response. I don't either. I mean, I understand the whole like, Oh, you guys knew she knew she was dating shorts. But if she was dating, if you're dating somebody and their friend is cheating on their girlfriend and that they're told that they're in a no, I mean, I don't know, I'm going in circles here and it's not like I'm trying to defend Joe or anything. I just, I think it's natural.'m going in circles here and it's not like I'm trying to defend Joe or anything. I just, I think it's natural.

And what the mistake that they're making on the show, the cast is making on the show, whenever you bully somebody on a show, it doesn't matter if you're right. If you bully them, the audience is gonna go on that person's side, because they don't like to see that. And that's what these people are doing.

And you're wasting a hero season with this. Katie. I mean, Ariana has, I feel like more of a say because she was, it's like, fuck this girl. She pretended to be my friend. She knew, you know, I get that. But the whole like, I'm gonna bully her and I don't care if she's afraid of me.

It's like, oh God, here we go again. You know, the audience does not like that shit. I think it's a huge tactical error. Well, and also Katie did the whole thing of like, I don't care if you make out with people, whatever, just don't do it in the friend circle. And now she's mad that that she that Schwartz hooked up with Joe. I guess an argument could be made that she's in the friend circle. But I think I took it as like, don't do it with anyone on the show.

And so like, Katie just won't be happy with anyone that Schwartz makes out with it seems like. But it seems like the thing that they're all mad at is that she knew she knew that Tom was cheating on Ariana, which I get why they would be like, fuck that girl. Mike, especially Ariana, like you said, my question is, was Tom telling her, it's no big deal. I'm just thinking I'm just dating this girl because we're in an open relationship and whatever. Yeah, I feel like I would want to get more information to know what she really knew, et cetera. And also I just feel like,

I just think that it's not fair that Joe gets so much hate but they're pretty chill about Tom Schwartz these days. I don't know, I just feel like this is what always happens. It's like the girl and Tom Sandoval and Tom Sandoval. She knows like she knows in the process of being friends with Tom Sandoval again, but she's going to hate this girl who wasn't even fucking Tom Sandoval. He was fucking Tom Sandoval friend. Like that's, it just seems a little bit hypocritical and unfair of them

to be. And also I don't like seeing Sheena and Ariana in this bully group because we've seen it happen a zillion times on this show and they're usually the ones who it's against, right? Like Katie and Stassi and all those girls, the witches of WeHo used to do it to the people that they didn't like. And now that they're gone, it's still going on, but there's like new cast members in the bully group and I don't like that. It's like people that I like in there now. You know what I mean?

It's like Sheena, how many years were you fucking bullied by these people and now you're just jumping on the other team, I don't like it. Yeah. So. Whether or not this girl is right or wrong doesn't even matter at this point, Joe. We don't know shit about Joe except from what we've seen

on this show and that she went to Big Bear with with those people and I just don't think it's enough to burn somebody at the stake. Sorry come and get me. I'm willing to burn Joe at the stake but like we just need more evidence. I need to be ready to burn her at the stake. Yeah. I don't need you to tell me. It has to be more than that Joe went to Big Bear and then left Big Bear and left Raquel at Big Bear and therefore could make a healthy inference that Raquel was sleeping with one of them. So I just need more.

Need more before I can hate. But for right now I just see this as like a quirky, weirdo girl who is like coming onto the show and cannot handle it at all. Here's what I see, a Mppet. A muppet. She's just like that kind of a personality. She's just kind of a muppet of a person. And I like her. She's like a weirdo. Okay. Maybe she'll prove me wrong later. She probably will.

Cause this is Vanderpump rules, but for right now there we said it. So, and now we said it. Well, we said it every week actually, but. Hello there! This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Uh, just come back a little later for part two! Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors!

Ain't no thing like Alice in King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela baloney! Strolling the park with Kaitlyn Clark! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela! Itchels! Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickles! She's never scary, it's the green fairy!

Jamie, she has no last name-y! Hava Nagila Webber! Know your worth with Jason Kurtz! She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing! Zip some scotch with Jessica Tratch! She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan! Kristen the Piston Anderson! Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino!

We wanna hang with Liz Lang! Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg! The Bay Area Betches, Betches! And our super premium sponsors! Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD! We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva! Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal! Don't get salty with Christine Pepper!

Can't have a meal without the Emily sides! We forever love Eva! Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall! We're Pills Poppers for Jen Pills! She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony Juni my favorite Murdo Karen McMurdo. We love him madly. It's Kyle Pod Shadley Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender the incredible edible Matthew sisters. Give him hell miss Noel She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemke

Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain! She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar! We love you guys! Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watcher Crappin's ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.