Watch What Crappens - #2377 Below Deck Part Two: Pill Zarin Attacks!

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

*This is part 2 of a two-part recap!A Real Housewives of New York OG descends upon Below Deck, and the results are extremely…Zarin. Get your aspirin ready, Jill Zarin is here. Now get some tuna made out of vegetables or suffer, peon! Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi everyone! Welcome back! This is part 2 of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, we'll go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. Let's get right back into the episode. So then the captain is in the mess with Xanny. What's wrong with me? I wrote Zanya.

So they're talking about coming up and down the stairs. He's like, more glutes look great. My girlfriend will be happy. And we've been going together, going on three years now. And she's like, I'm just so content in figuring out myself, you know, like, I'm trying different things. I'm catching myself on the inside. Well, I meditate every day or, uh, as they, I, let me see if it comes to me.

If I remember correctly, hegen meditasyon yap yorun. I masturbasyon yapmak every day. Now, yes, that doesn't mean masturbation, but I said it in Turkish, it was not as problematic besides Ben's fucking is untilling. Let me tell you something. They're an FSL, which means breathe deeply. So, um, he's, she's, he's like, yeah, I meditate and she says, Oh, I'm on the crystals now.

So that's what I do. And she tells us when I got divorced after I had a really good relationship, you know, he was the love of my life and I got hurt. And the only thing that released that pain was through a healer. And for someone else to love you, you need to love yourself. And so I decided to take a pledge of celibacy because if you don't want marriage and kids, you can move along now. He's like, Oh, he that good for you.

You know, Benny de Sarita, your collar or catch me outside. I was going to say that. Like they were on the same Turkish page. By the way, I think one thing that we missed, um, and one of the weeks that we did not cover below deck was that Zandy gave us the backstory about her husband. Wasn't there some wild story that they got married and then he left her to be with like her aunt or something like that? Or no.

It was her. Okay. Her father fell in love with his mother or something. Right. The parents had an affair and it ruined the family because they all had to choose sides between the parents. And so I guess they got divorced. So thanks dad. I guess the dad's awesome, we're being happy.

Fucking typical, all right. It's so funny because they always do that storyline and these cutesy hallmark or Disney movies. Like, wouldn't this be so adorable? Like we bring our parents together, but when it happens in real life, it's like it just shatters a family. Yeah.

So then Gary is like, oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, it's me, Gary, the guy with the penis stuck in the sea bob. Has anybody found my penis? Yeah. Okay, Bobby, do you have a dryer for Jill? She needs a dryer. And Jill's like, yeah, I want to dry my hair and there's no electric in the bathroom. Where am I supposed to dry my hair?

What, what do you just have wet head people on this boat? Like, is that just what it is? Like is every theme of the night wet hair? I'm sorry. You need electricity on the boat. You're welcome. There's some advice to you. Hey boat, did you hear me?

You need electricity in here. That's it, that's it. Nice job on the nugget ice though. Barb is like, oh, there's actually a secret hidden drawer, which by the way, like, why did they not show that to Jill in the first place? Like that's not intuitive that there was an outlet in the back of that.

Like you have to open up a drawer and then you have to look in there and see that there's an outlet in the back. So- Well, you can't show Jill, because if they had shown Jill, she would have been like, what? This is supposed to be hidden in a drawer? That's supposed to be hidden?

I could have found that by opening the thing. It was not hidden at all. This is very badly hidden. There should be an outlet goes on a wall. Everyone knows an outlet goes on a wall. Why are they putting it in here? It doesn't make sense here. It's like they didn't think.

They didn't think. Did whoever built this bathroom have a guilty conscience about something? Who hides electricity? That's ridiculous. Yeah. So Jill's like, so then Jill's like, Bobby, come on, Bobby, come down to this bathroom.

Okay, let me tell you something, Bobby. I've taken yachts before and every bathroom is loaded with toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, band-aids, Q-tips, has anyone ever said that before? Am I the first one to ever break this news to you? Is this like naked ice? Am I blowing your mind right now? She's like, no, no one's ever said that,

but I see what you're saying. And she tells us, I think this lady's annoying and she's too much. Like you're a freeloading guest who's very demanding. And this is just too much for me. I need another stew just to handle Jill. Yeah. She's like, okay, listen, but you know what?

You know what? You need tums. That's what you need in here. You even need tums, okay? Because there but you know what? You know what? You need tums. That's what you need in here. You even need tums, okay? Because there's people who can't handle the water, whatever, that's all, okay? I'm the complainer, I'm sorry. There's chocolates on the pillow, right?

They're wrapped, right? Cause you don't want to put like them open cause they could melt. Then you have a chocolate stain on the pillow. You don't want to have that. They're wrapped. So- You don't want that.

Gary will go to sleep on the chocolate. He'll have chocolate on his head. I'll be licking Gary's head tomorrow. Have you found Gary's penis yet? Question. Do you call us when you find that? There's no penis size holes in the mattress, right? Get Gary has a problem.

This this coming up drama, it's like coming up on below deck. My burger is cold. The most inevitable drama with Jill Zarin. That's cold. That's cold. That's cold. The most inevitable drama with Jill Zarin. That's cold. That's cold. That's cold. So we come back. The deck is getting high on a gas tube. Were they getting high on a gas tube? What was that? Yeah, Sonny's like, I don't know. I don't know what it was. I thought it was like gas. I don't know what

they're getting high. Yeah, bro. I don't know what it was. So Barbie is talking to Fraser and Zandy and she's like, Jill is complaining that she's not talking to the toiletries, you guys. And Zandy's like, I will make the guest gift baskets. Catch the toiletries outside. So then now the chef is making purple cauliflower puree and planning scallops and Fraser watches it.

Fraser is such a drama queen, okay? He watches this guy who by the way is working alone and doing an incredible job so far. Fraser is such a gaslighter. And the fact that he's going to the captain and worrying the captain about it, it's also weird and gaslighty. And I don't know what he's got against the chef,

but it's so weird because he's doing a beautiful job. And Fraser's like, I'm worried. Purple cauliflower. He's losing his mind. Get the straight jacket. Something must be done about this man. Yeah. He's acting like it's the wildest thing.

Does he think that the, that, that Anthony actually used like food coloring? Does he not realize that there's actual purple cauliflower in the world? I'm not sure. I don't know, I think he's just trying to make it seem like this chef's crazy because it's giving him drama. But the guy's dealing with it pretty well. He's like, oh my God, this chef is losing it.

Have you seen his kitchen? And then they show the chef up till four in the morning and he's like, but he's still crazy. I think he's just one of, Fraser's just one of those people you're just not gonna win. He's always gonna be trying to find someone around him to villainize.

Like he tried with Barbie and she like acquiesced or whatever and so now he's switching over. So then Zandy brings like a little basket with all the toiletries. Not villainize, maybe that's too harsh. Sorry, go ahead. That should've been my inside voice. I was trying to think of a different word.

Different word. We don't need one. You know, what's a good word? Nugget, nugget ice. You know, what's a good word. Cotu Ademalik. I mean, it's still villainized, but it's in Turkish. Everyone. I have a big announcement to make and it is... Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Everyone, gather round. Omlora, E.E., Deidcola, Yapmyye, Orgritium.

Which means, of course, I taught them how to make good Diet Coke. So, Zandy brings Jill a goody bag with toiletries and just like, Oh, look, there's somebody's been scrambling. Good for you. Good for you. You see, I'm making a huge difference on this boat. Okay. So then the chef is the chef has to make something and he has to make something Oh, shrimp, cock, cocktail sauce. But I guess someone asked for no horseradish in their cocktail. Like, by the way, I am shocked that like, that the preference sheet was so specific

that someone wrote down no horseradish. Cause it's so, horseradish does not pop up a lot. So then he decides he is going to, he's using wasabi powder instead. But the joke is on him because guess what? Almost all wasabi that we have is actually just horseradish that's dyed green. Is that true? Because actual wasabi is very difficult to grow and it's very,

very expensive and it's just easier to just serve horseradish. That's green. My, I saw a whole thing's green. I saw a whole thing about this. I read a whole thing about it. It's wild, but it is true. And by the way, also, it's like, it's still, it's like horseradish and wasabi do taste very similar. Well, mainly because we're probably just having wasabi or having horseradish. Did you say horseradish is so fucking hot? You know what? Could have been hotter. Could have been hotter. I use horseradish is so fucking hot? You know what, could have been hotter. Could have been hotter. I use horseradish all the time

because I make my own shrimp cocktail sauce. You know, there's nothing better than going to the store and getting some pre-boiled shrimp or whatever that's already shucked, not shucked, peeled. And then I go home and I say, you know what, this cocktail sauce isn't good enough for me. I'm gonna make my own right now within five minutes. You have your own cocktail sauce.

How do you make it? It's as spicy as you want. What do you mean how you make it? You make it with horseradish, lemon, garlic. Nugget ice. Wurstescher, little chili. I usually use a little of the Korean chili. What's that called?

Flake. Everyone uses it. Or the gochujang. No, no, maybe it's not Korean. You know, the red one that everybody loves, it's Korean. Sriracha. Sriracha, yeah. Sriracha and then some ketchup, good old fashioned ketchup.

You know, and then boom, shake it up. It's better if you let it sit all night, but who's got time for that? Not me, I'll tell you why. You know why? Because I was searching for electricity and it was hidden in a drawer, that's why. Everyone, everyone.

Ronnie just taught you how to make good cocktail sauce. He just taught it. It's a cocktail sauce. Call it Ronnie sauce, all right? Because that's what it is. I wanna say this is horse radish. I just taught him how to make diet cocktail sauce. I just taught them how to make good diet coke.

By the way, horse radish, I love horse radish. And this is, since we're talking about horse radish, I just wanna share this. I wanna teach you guys how to make good horse radish, in the sense that like two weeks ago, went to a dinner party and my friend Sylvia made some horse radish infused vodka. And I'm telling you, it was so divine.

It was so wonderful. She basically like pureed up some horse radish, like the root and put it into the vodka for like three days. And I think I added a little bit of sugar. You could just like sip that vodka. It was fantastic. So that's my little pro tip. That's how you make good vodka.

I just taught everyone how to make good vodka. I taught everyone. So captain is texting yacht services about a new stew. Have we got anything? Captain, we don't. Oh, I don't know what to tell you. It's busy season. Now listen, last time it was this busy, the boat was overrun by kangaroos. I punched one right in the goddamn face and I said, you come on this boat.

You're not doing it without a squeegee in your hand. And that was the first time I had a boat that was cleaned by kangaroos. Okay. Gary, Gary. Okay, put this moisturizer in your head. Gary, don't be greasy, God. Look at this. Okay, guys, I just taught Gary how to do good moisturizer. Because you know, she got free stuff, so now she's like, oh, look at all this basket of toiletries, Gary, use them.

Let's see if anything's gonna make you break out before I use them. He's like the human rat. Gary, why do you have a seabob in your pants? Not in a greasy way, Gary. In a less greasy way. Oh, God, Gary. Gary. Do we have Gary's penis yet?

So, now Jill's trying to be fun. She's like, okay, everyone, let's conga line through the boat. Let's conga line, okay? So they go and then they're like, they sit around, it's dinner time and um, they, you know, Fraser serves some fish, but not to, not to Jen. She just has a bowl of sad vegetables and everything. And just like, okay, everyone I know what I love the presentation of the food, I mean, but I need a small plate of, you know, that's, you know, I have a plate of,

of Tums. This is too much for me to digest right now. What do you monsters? What do you monsters? I need tums. All right. Who serves food without sides of tums? Okay. Oh, by the way, Frasier, what's the proper way to eat the shrimp?

Like, what would you say? All right. Because we're having a discussion at the table and he's like, well, I don't personally like to touch my food, but most people I know would do exactly what you're doing. Oh, okay. Great. So I guess I'm just a toucher. Okay. Can we get some Tums and just sprinkle this, crush them up and sprinkle them into the tomato sauce? I think it would just make it much better.

So the chef is talking about how he loves scallops. They melt in your mouth, scallop. But someone is vegan. I want her to feel all the other guests feeling. So I just take a tofu and they cook it like all other scallop. She will feel like, oh, I'm in the same party with scallop. She doesn't wanna be in the same party, okay? That's why she's refusing to eat what everybody else eats.

Give her a diet coke. That's what I say. So then upstairs, now they're eating the scallops, everyone's very happy. Gary is like, oh, this carrot's amazing. Yeah, well, you're gonna have to use it down there because yours is lost in the sea right now, if you know what I'm saying.

So one of their friends has a ponytail and Gary's like, hey, man pony, you want me to tell you who you look like? you look like a Jewish warlock. That's what you look like. Oh, you know what? Spoken like a true grease ball. I told him not to put too much of that on his head. Gary, you're blinding the warlock with your head. Okay. Put your napkin on top of your head. It's distracting care. You know, Gary, the implication of what you're saying is that warlocks are inherently not Jewish.

Okay. I thought that was a little rude. It's a little presumptuous, Gary. It's presumptuous. So, succession music is playing for some reason. I'm not really sure, because they're just making scallops. And then- Succession music is very much Jill's errand.

Da, da, ba, bee, ga, re, ah, lee, ba, the knee, Bobby Gary, Ali Bethany. I'm at a jazan. And a phylactic. What you really need is nugget ice, nugget ice, not block ice. Who does not have tums in their bathroom?

You need tums. I just taught them how to make good diet gold. Gary has some lotion for him. It was free and didn't pay for. I had him put it on his head. Now he looks like a grease ball. Oh my God. Gary, why'd you put so much grease on your head? You look like a grease ball. Oh my God, Gary, why do you put so much grease on your head?

You look like a ridiculous person that is a Jewish warlock. I love Jewish warlocks. I never knew warlocks were not Jewish, but now I do get over here man pun and give me a succession. That's really, that's really a banger. Were you, you were doing the piano part, huh? Yeah. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da.

You're just sticking to the da. I'm doing that part. You're doing the lead part. I'm doing the ba. Ba. Ba. Ba. Okay. So he's making, the chef is making a vegan pino colada

flan. How do you make flan without eggs? I don't believe any of this is real. I just don't believe it. I'm a flan maker. You don't make fun without eggs. How, how, how? That's see, it's not so hard to turn them to the chill, to Jules Aaron. You gotta make a fly without eggs. I need tums. I don't know. I need tums after watching this show.

It's probably just a block of tofu. He probably put some caramel sauce on a block of tofu and said, here, have it. So now the cakes are served and Jill's like, this was made with love, we can tell, we can tell. There was a compliment, everybody, you're welcome. You know what tastes better than cake? A compliment from me.

Chew on that for a while, all right, kids? There was a compliment everybody. You're welcome. You know what tastes better than cake? A compliment from me. Chew on that for a while. All right, kids. There was a lot of love here. I could tell that this cake got part of it sucked into a sea bob. There was a lot of love. So now Fraser is celebrating the chef in the diary room in the confessional or whatever.

I'm like, you're trying to ruin his life on the outskirts of this, you faker. So then Jill is like, oh God, listen, we've been sitting two and a half hours, I gotta get up now, this is ridiculous. So they go to bed and Barbie is exhausted by Jill, but she has to stay up in vacuum. And then as breakfast-

By the way, I love the irony that Barbie is just like stuck with Jill and being like ground down to a pulp by Jill, because the truth is we all know that Jill is Barbie's trajectory. Like that will be Barbie in 30 years, you know? So she should experience it now. Well, I will tell you what, I will not be surprised. That's for damn sure. Right? Like that's what Barbie is gonna be in 30 years.

She's gonna be like, could be better. You know, you know. Could be better. You know what? You know what my father did? He invented Coca-Cola. He invented the Coca-Cola vaccine. Baby me, baby me, I wanna tell you something.

Tell your father that I can teach him how to make good Diet Coke. Okay, so now it's gluten-free French toast, time for breakfast. And someone asked if they have hot sauce and Jennifer is like, I have chili oil in my stateroom. Isn't that hilarious? Yeah, Jennifer, cause you've fucking had a pina colada

tofu. I hope you didn't check your bag because of that. It's all you can eat. What? I said, I hope you didn't check your bag because of that. That's all you can eat. What? I said, I hope you didn't check your bag because of the chili oil. Could you imagine? She is so insistent that she brings chili oil

that she probably had to check her bag for it. I would have been so pissed if I was her flying partner. They all probably had to wait for her. So Jill's like, oh my God, you know what? There's no chili sauce and it's such a big boat. They can't be here all the time. I get it. But sometimes if you need hot sauce and you have a hot plate of food,

you can't wait five minutes because then your food's gonna be cold. So it's like, do you even ask for the chili sauce? You know what I'm saying? Like if I could ask for it, but it's gonna take five minutes, then I don't wanna hurt your feelings while you're running up and down the stairs.

And then by the time you get back, my eggs are cold. You know, who wins here? Let me tell you, nobody, nobody wins. Cause let me tell you something, hot sauce is hot, but it's not going to make cold eggs warm. So then, then the guy's like, yeah, and I want to drink and no one's around. So then Fraser like arrives,

cause he's probably been gone for about 30 seconds total. Well, they were running all their food, which all has to be different, which requires more. Exactly. More platings, et cetera. Okay, you know what, Fraser, can I give you another recommendation for the yacht? Okay, so I have this on my mind. A button for the primary, it's like a doorbell.

And I used to have a doorbell that would be in the kitchen. I actually just carry a doorbell and I just attach it to whatever wall on the end and I just ring it and see what happens. It was great. You know what, even if you're shopping in a Target, go up to the customer service lady, put a doorbell on her head and when you need something, just smack her in the head. Someone will come help you. That's it. That's what you have

to do. You know, you get them off of Amazon. It's very easy, Frasier. And he goes, oh, a doorbell in your kitchen? I'll bet they loved you, darling. She's like, they did. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. Think great, ding dong. He goes, okay, well, we'll always have a crew member around. She goes, you know what, but there is it. Let's be honest. There's usually, there's not, okay? But these doorbells, they're sticky.

You buy them on Amazon, stick them somewhere. Stick them on the stoves. Stick them on Barbie. Stick them on the Stoves. You know what, I would say stick them on Gary's head, but it's too greasy right now. So go over there, that vegan lady with the chili oil in her room, just put it on her.

She's never eating anyway. If I need something, I'll just poke her in the head. Brace was like, jellies just crawling into my brain and eating my soul. I don't think you like the doorbell idea. I don't think you like that. Hold idea. I don't think you like that. Hold on. Hey, lean closer.

You got something in your face. Hold on. Lean closer. Lean closer. Ding dong. Ding dong. Congratulations. There's a doorbell on you now.

Are you poking me? I applied a doorbell onto your face. So Fraser runs to the captain and he's like, you will not believe this. She wants to put a doorbell on my face. And now they're playing white lotus music. What the hell? Ding dong ding dong. It's like, ding dong ding dong.

Just going through all of HBO's greatest hits. Next, it's just going to be, ding dong ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Just going through all of HBO's greatest hits. Next, let's just go. Ding dong, ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ow-wee, Shapiro.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. Okay, so now they're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up.

They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. They're patching up. It's time for commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Okay, so now they're packing for the beach picnic, getting ready to do that. And Dylan comes into the mess and Kyle's eating with his hands and Dylan's like, high five bro, high five. He's like, I'm eating bro.

He's like, high five I said, high five. So he high fives him. High five me. And then He's like, high five I said, high five. So he high fives him. High five me. And then he's like, Jesus. Ben comes in and Kyle's like, Jesus, my hands are covered in shit and that man just forced me into a handshake. Yeah.

And Kyle tells us, I mean, Dylan's good lad, but I think I've high fived him more than anyone in my entire life. He's so mad. It's kind of funny because normally it's the person who high-fives someone who has messy hands. It's the person with the clean hands that gets mad. But in this case, Kyle's like, I don't want... I'm eating. I don't want to get your hand stuff into my gunk that I'm about to lick off my fingers.

Yeah, it's disgusting. And Fraser is now talking to Barbie and he's like, I don't know what to do about this picnic. Surely the chef will mess it up with his psychosis, his utter psychosis. And Barbie's like, say it again. Purple cauliflower, could you believe it? Purple cauliflower. It's a sign everybody understands. So Barbie's like, just take Xandie. I mean, I would it would be nice to go out. You know what I mean? Because like, I haven't been out in a minute,

but I mean, I guess take her. And he's like, oh God, there's no way you can do it. I need you at the table. Simply no one else understands folks the way you do. And you're also very dumb, and I don't trust you around Sandy things. Okay. So then- Oh my God, I hope Dylan finds a,

oh, Dylan's working out, thank God. He's doing some pull ups off of something, thank God. So then, Jill and Melinda are laying out, and Barbie passes by. So Jill's like, Uh, Bobby, okay, I wanna ask you something. Food, not the service, the food. I know I said on the request sheet,

I wanted food out all day. Can we get some food out all day? And Barbie's like, Um, yeah, we'll make sure there's always snacks in the bar for you. Thank you. By the way, I don't think that's unreasonable. I think that if you're on a super yacht,

there should always be snacks on the bar. I mean. Yeah, I think that one, I give that one to Jill. Doorbell unreasonable, snacks reasonable. Always have snacks. I mean, look, maybe some nuts or something. Yeah, some candies. Three meals a day, plus you want me to keep up

with all of your different kinds of snacks. Because you have to remember this is not just snacks. This is vegan, gluten-free, no raw fish, no shellfish, no dairy. No, you have to have something different for each of the fucking people. I think you can put up with it.

You know like in on airlines, they sometimes will like, they'll just put their, they'll go through with their like snacks and then they put the basket like in the back. And if you're hungry, you just go up and you get a snack. I think that's what it should be like. See, now I'm turning to Jill Zarin. Let me give you some advice.

This is what you do. You put out a basket, you put some chips in it, you put some gluten-free chips, you put some gluten chips, you put a little bit of everything for everyone, some Tums, you have it right there. You're fine, just letting you know for the next child. Well, if that's what it is, then that's fine. If it's a basket.

But on a super yacht, I think they want more than a basket, but you know, on a super yacht, I think they want more than a basket, to which I say, go fuck yourselves, all of you. All of you have pushed me too far already. Well, you know what? That's why I have to be pushy, because you'll be satisfied. That's what Joel says.

Yeah, you know what? I'm a little pushy, but guess what? Who's satisfied? Everybody here. Ding dong! It's funny. Watch her run. Watch her run.

So good. So then Ben radios Dylan to bring the tenderer around. Dylan says, let's do it. I'm like, oh my God. He's like slaps high-fiving a fish in the water. Ben's like, he's like a puppy. You always have to throw the bowl for him. So I think that's the best way, by the way,

to describe Dylan. So then the chef is plating lunch and he's got all these different kinds of things he has to make all these different cheeseburgers. And so Barbie's working with him. She's the waiter. So he's like, all right. I have to say, so the options here that he's going to give are regular cheeseburger. And then there's like a gluten free bun, a regular bun and then a lettuce wrap. And then some have cheese, some don't have, but like there's just variations. So Barbie goes up there and she takes everyone's order and I'm like,

is she not going to write any of this down while they all give their different, you know, variations on the cheeseburger. I was like, this is not right. You have to write it down and sure enough, she fucks it all up. Oh, doesn't she write it down? No, she comes downstairs and she starts writing it on the whiteboard. Oh, cause I thought she said, do you have a pen or something? When he was saying all the different options, but maybe he didn't have a pen. Maybe I didn't see her writing something down. It seems like it shouldn't be that hard because it's cheeseburgers,

but it is hard because there's a million things. Now, on the other hand, he has a list. You have two gluten-free people. You have one person who doesn't have that. Like he kind of has a list, so I wouldn't even give them the option. I would say here's the gluten-free ones. Here's the completely bread-free one. And here's the vegan one because she goes up and gives them options. And then they all fuck it up because they're like, Oh, you know what?

Maybe I'll try gluten-free. Yeah. That'll be a fun experiment. So have him make three gluten-free. Well, now he's fucked because he wasn't prepared to. Maybe I'll try gluten-free. Yeah, that'll be a fun experiment. So have him make three gluten-free. Well Now he's fucked because he wasn't prepared to so now it's just it becomes a cluster basically she writes it down in a disorganized way on the whiteboard and on top that she also messes up and He is he has dyslexia. And so it's just like overwhelming and he can't process and he just gets lost

Yeah, cuz she writes and he can't process and he just gets lost. Yeah, because she writes literal paragraphs on this board. So he's staring at like this big jumble of words and he's like, oh my God. So he starts sweating and then you see him just kind of shut down or he's like, uh-oh. You just see him just like start playing elevator music in his mind and going through the pieces

to just get through it, right? Yeah, he's like, I don't know. I don't know. So of course, it gets all messed up. And so Barbie, Barbie, of course, brings the wrong thing upstairs and they wanted to let us wrap. There was no lettuce wrap. And just like, you know what? It's fine. If he doesn't have it, I'll do something else.

It's you know, but this is not good. I mean, look, I'm not going to go into anaphylactic shock, but I am going to go into hunger shock. OK, can I ring? Hold on. Does this does this burger have a doorbell on it? Can I ring this doorbell? Can I ring this burger? No.

Let me tell you who they wouldn't serve the wrong burger to. Akhmedinajad. All right. I'm not even kidding with that. I know him. I know him. So, you know, so she goes down, she's like,

oh my gosh. So Jill goes, okay, my burger's cold. Gary, Gary, Gary, is your burger? Gary's burger's cold too. Anyone else? Tell the truth now, tell the truth. Tell them, they don't mind. They don't mind, be honest.

You know what way does love honesty, okay? There's a moment of truth. Okay, no, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, lukewarm. Okay, you got too cold. Your hair could be moisturized, okay? Any other truth to give her? She's here, She's here. She's here.

Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. You look better in knee highs. Okay. Tell them, it's fine. She needs to know. They need to know. This is how they improve. They like it.

So then Zandi takes the burgers down to switch them out. So meanwhile, Fraser and Sunny are at the beach and Fraser is asking about the relationship with Ben. And he's like, do you have feelings for Ben? Oh, brilliant, wonderful. And she's like, um, yeah, but you know who thinks otherwise? Sabrina. Oh, God, you're really gonna try and make Sabrina happen.

You're not interesting enough as Sunny. You can't make Sabrina happen. Make Sunny happen first, okay? Let's get an original personality before we add another personality. You're not interesting enough as Sunny. You can't make Sabrina happen. Make Sunny happen first, okay? Let's get an original personality before we add another personality. Also, if you're gonna have an alter ego, why do you not name your alter ego Stormy?

If you're Sunny, why not have Sunny and Stormy? Like it just makes sense. At least make it a good alter ego. Cause I think she thinks she's being cute with the witch, right? Like Sabrina, the teenage witch or whatever. I don't know. I'm guessing. Cause who picks Sabrina as the name for their witch? Yeah. I mean the teenage witch or whatever. I don't know. I'm guessing, because who picks Sabrina as the name for their witch?

Yeah. I mean, their inner. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird. I don't know. I don't know what it is. Sunny bugs me because of her like for bed. I'm over it. Yeah. So, then- Oh my God. Look what I just got. What?

You know what I love more than anything in the world? To be floored with by Spambots. Did you get the Diet Coke? Look at this hot lady who's flirting with me. Do you see her? Oh wow, look at her. She's gorgeous. She said, hey there, how have you been?

I'm gonna say, I've been great, I've really missed you. You look so beautiful as always. What's been going on over there? Question mark. Why did you stop calling me? The spam that I get these days is is time is running out, Ben, and this is the most urgent moment we need you to donate to Joseph Biden. Okay, relax. I already donated.

I get those from Planned Parenthood all the time. Every time everything it's like the time is now you must vote for Joni Jaramond for school council. I'm like, I don't fuckingi Jeremond for school council. I'm like, I don't fucking care who's on the school council. Okay, so now she's talking about Sabrina, her inner demon or whatever. And he's like, so is this Sabrina? Is she always around?

Does she like purple cauliflower? Tell me the truth. And she's like, I'm no, just tequila. And he goes, oh, so she's your ugly stepsister, is she? That was rude. An ugly shame, Sabrina. Like now you got me standing up for Sabrina, dude. She's like, it's still like,

physically it's the same person as me, so. She's like, I can't not believe you just called me ugly. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, where's the food? You know what they should have done, a buffet. A buffet, you know what, they're gonna hate me. They're gonna hate me, but I don't care, make it better. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, where's the food? You know what they should have done a buffet, a buffet, you know what, they're gonna hate me. They're gonna hate me, but I don't care, make it better. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.

Ding, dong, ding, dong, ding, dong. Did it eat me, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, dong. So Zandy goes to the galley and she's like, what is going on here? And he's like, I don't know, it is so hard to understand everything. Look at this board. And she's like, what is going on here? And he's like, I don't, uh, I don't know. It is so hard to understand everything. Look at this board. And she's like, well, captain is going to captain.

There's going to be complaints about lunch because the menu wasn't converted properly. And so Barbie comes in cause he's totally throwing her under the bus. And Barbie's like, yeah, I ran everything extremely disorganized and came out. Cause it was a disaster. I'm sorry. I take responsibility. He's like, should I talk to him? Listen, I I'm gonna solve everything in this episode by marching up there and doing nothing as we're gonna see soon.

So Jill's like you know what my instinct was not to be surprised and to know all the meals in advance because then I could's you've eaten hair was it all right good job all right guess what I just said about this thing that no good ice and mix really good diet coke so I'm gonna go downstairs and give it a try. Solved everything I solved everything down there the big the captain really shouldn't be bothered with this out the captain to me you've got something on your forehead. Bow! Ding dong. Hilarious. Okay, got to get out of here. Nugget Beezoo, saviourum. I love nugget eyes. Okay, I got a response from this lady. Sorry, I've been too busy, and we need to know each other better before we make a call.

Do you still remember, right, Zack? Yes, of course I remember. I wouldn't forget. When do you want to call? No, you should say, I wouldn't. Of course I remember. I wouldn't forget. When do you want to call? No, you should say I wouldn't. Of course I would never forget when we robbed that bank together. Well, let's see if I can get her on the phone. Yeah.

Or them on the phone, her on the phone. I don't know. Yes, of course. I remember. I wouldn't forget. When do you want to call? Oh my God. I hope she's gonna call me right now. I feel like it's going to be something where like you get tricked into like making a call to like a number that charges you $45 or something like that. Oh, I'll pay it to talk to her. That's a write off. It's happening on the podcasts. I'm literally in love. Okay.

Ask her what she thinks about nugget ice or ask her what's the best way to make a good diet coke. So sorry to bother you. I just want to make sure that you're my friend Zach or not. May I know your last name? Pringle. I'll say Pringle. So here's the thing. Why are they, are you're supposed to say, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm not that person. And then they say, well, should we speak anyway? Is they are you're supposed to say? Oh, I'm so sorry I'm not that person and then they say well, should we speak anyway? Is that what you're supposed to do? Because this is where I lose them all the time. I pretend that I do remember them

I don't know and then they stop talking to me. I think I'm the only person to get spammers to stop talking I think that if you say my last name is Pringle we know that Pringle is a viable last name because of Bravo, but she may think, she's like, oh, he's fucking with me. I love when spammers get upset when you fuck with them in return. But they know I'm fucking with them because she's scamming me, so.

I don't know, whatever. I don't have as much of a boner. I'm gonna tell you that. It's made me think too much. They need to work on their grift a little bit more. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. Whatever. I don't have as much of a boner. I'm gonna tell you that. It's made me think too much. They need to work on their grift a little bit more. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. I wanna get scammed.

Okay, so Kyle is eating chips and he's watching Dylan wash ham. This is the scene. Sheets of ham. Kyle, like he has literal ham from like Oscar Mayer or whatever you get in Grenada, and he has two slices that he's rinsing under the water so in my mind I'm thinking oh maybe he wants to reduce some of the sodium

I don't know like because you do wash things like anchovies but ham isn't stored in like salty oil so Ka's like why are you washing that ham he's like are you washing that ham he's like yes it's like what the fuck? I always wash it because there's fat residue. I just want protein. I don't want the fat residue from the ham. You're eating a pig. You fucking moron. You fucking crazy.

You- Girl, if you think that's gonna be the thing that makes or breaks your diet is like the 0.00001 grams of fat that may or may not be on the edge of that ham, sir. You have actually a problem. You literally need to check yourself in somewhere. I just wish I was on that boat so I could be like, oh my God, Dylan, you look great.

So I love that you're deciding to gain a little weight in your butt section. It looks so good on you. Good for you. I, it's actually alarming. It actually is, it really actually alarming. It actually is. It really does appear like an eating disorder at this point. I don't think they're called eating disorders when they're for,

when they're people working out too much. They're called, I think it's people like fondly people like, um, people respect that. You know what I mean? Like if he was washing peanut M&Ms off in a sink, then people would be like, eating disorder. I mean, been there, am I right? But when it's Dylan, it's considered winning something. But yeah, it's kind of terrifying. So then Joe's like, okay, you know what? I should talk to the chef.

When should I do it? Should I talk to him now? Get Melinda, get Melinda. She's the primary. You know what? I'm gonna let Melinda talk and I'm just gonna sit there and watch Melinda talk to the chef.

Get him up here, get him up here. Ding-dong, ding-dong. Melinda's a little quiet these days because she maybe, you know, she has a pin cushion for her father essentially. She tries out all the vaccines. So, so then Captain and- Melinda hasn't been the same since she was injected with the avian bird flu.

But you know what? It did save thousands of people. Right, Melinda? Melinda, you're walking backwards. Melinda, come here. Ding dong, Melinda. Melinda's very, she's a, she's non raw fish curious at the moment. So if we can get for a moment. One of the side effects of, of Modiros is you want to experiment with fish,

but it's got to be cooked. So, Melinda, so they, they go, so Anthony and Captain go to me with Jill and Melinda to discuss the menu. Captain is there. Because he's like, oh, I'm going to be there. If they're going to talk to you, oh, I'm going to be there as well. I was like, okay, so here he comes marching up again. Let's see what difference this makes. Yeah.

So, uh, okay, Melinda, I'm going to have to be a mommy right now. Okay, here we go. All right. Well, thank you so much for having us. Um, you guys all enjoying your really good diet coke. So you've been having, since I taught you how to make them. Okay, good. I'm glad to hear that. He said, yeah, well, I'd love to talk about that. I'm not a chef. Would you say something? Yes, I would love to talk about dinner. She's like, okay, so here's what I would love. I would love to hear what you're planning. Because I don't want to sign me what you're doing. I was wondering this. Can I add a doorbell to your stock pot? He's like, oh, I'm planning on curry and the vegetarian or the vegan option would be tofu pad thai.

I'm just up. You know what? Pad thai. Could you do chicken pad thai? I have chicken, but could you make it vegan chicken pad thai? Not actual chicken. I just want, I want the chicken to have been a vegan. Does that make sense? Melinda does not eat raw chicken. In fact, none of us do. So could you make sure it is not raw chicken? Thank you very much. Melinda doesn't want a meat-eating chicken. So if it's possible to get me a vegan chicken, that would be great. Okay.

Is it possible to have sushi at the bar for when we come down, if we just get like some sushi up there? It's like, oh absolutely. I can do tuna and wahoo fish. She's like, great. And you know what? Do you have crudite?

Yes, the vegetables. Okay, I would love that. I don't eat sushi. The sushi's disgusting, but I need something to pick at, you know, besides you. That's not human. I would love that. I don't eat sushi. The sushi is disgusting, but I need something to pick at, you know, besides you, that's not human. That would be great. Yeah, so just to reiterate,

I'd like to make a demand that you put out food for other people, but not for me, and I just want to have some little carrots on the side. So make sure the food for the other people only caters to my taste though, not to their tastes. Thanks. I'm so glad I let Melinda say all that, okay? And so he's like, I think the primary is okay with her friend taking over the artist. Thanks. I'm so glad I let Melinda say all that. Okay.

And so he's like, Oh, I think the primary is okay with her friend taking over the boat. She's like captain taking over the ship. And the captain's like, glad I was here for this. And then he walks off. So then the guests take the tender to the beach and it's pickleball beach. And he's like, Oh, I've missed you so much guests. Biggest lie I've ever told. Well, actually that's not true. And he's like, I've missed you so much guests. Biggest lie I've ever told.

Well, actually, that's not true. Today I saw the chef and I said, you look completely non-psychotic today, chef. And I did, then I added, purple cauliflower, a normal person's brassicas. So Ben's like, well, I've played a little tennis over the years with a couple of Grand Slam champions, if I don't say so myself.

And then we see flashbacks of him playing with Gigi Fernandez, who's like, fuck you, I just beat you, poor boy! So then Barbie calls her friend Brittany, because of course Barbie and Brittany are going to be friends. I think even if they have nothing in common, just their names. Like, oh my god, your name is Brittany? My name is Barbie. We have to be friends. Do you know about good die coke? So she's like,

I fucking hate this housewife so much. And then like the seconds do who isn't like a seconds do it all couldn't even handle the situation. She was like completely frazzled. Meanwhile, like Zambi is so calm. She just sits there with that like sort of pleasant smile on her face. Like, like she, you know, she has a, I hate you smile at all times. And Barbie is like running around so frantically, the cameraman cannot pick catch like cat catch her outside. There's one point where Barbie comes running down the hallway and then she turns around and goes up a staircase and the camera cannot track her.

It's like watching a football game where the camera can't follow the football. She's the one who's frantic. I know, but you know that whole, like, making yourself the hero of the story thing? And we all do it. Man, Barbie really takes it to a different level. She's like, basically, I hate this fucking boat. It was like sinking, and so, like,

I was basically the life raft. Like, I'm the only one who knows how to swim. So, like, I literally saved everybody while I held a screwdriver and bolted the boat back together and then put everybody back. I mean, we're a live thing. I'm in the news here. Do you get the news here?

Oh, it's crazy. I'm in it. It's nuts. Is that okay? He hasn't called me back. He's still extremely wealthy, right? Okay. Tell him I haven't drink a Pepsi.

Okay. Talk to you later, Brit. So as Andy tells Fraser on the beach that Barbie got all the orders wrong, and Fraser's like, perfect, absolutely perfect. And yeah, they're just like, they're on the beach setting up and everything. And so Fraser goes up to Jill and he's like, I just want to apologize, Jill. And if you do want to stick a doorbell on my forehead, I will accept it now.

She's like, don't be sorry. But if you're there, you know, and you're anticipating service and half the food comes out and the other half doesn't come out and what are you supposed to do? You know, I told everyone, be honest. Is it cold? Is it cold? Is it cold? We got, we have three lukewarms there.

That's all I'm saying. You know what? Mine comes out cold, his comes out cold. And that's when we knew something's wrong. Now I don't know what it is, but something happened. Did it not? Did it not hap- did something bad not happen, Frasier? Tell me the truth, Frazier. Okay.

I like the truth. And he's like, I heard the older was taken wrong. Just there. All right. So no big deal. Now I know, you know what? And now, you know, you do it once and she'll never do that again. Ding, dong, ding, dong. Am I right? Put a ding, dong. That's all I'm saying. Jill just wants to know the backstory. She just wants to know all the gossip, you know, and I'm like that too. I'll go onto a plane and I'll see like two people having an issue. Like I'll see like someone trying to put like a bag in an overhead compartment. It doesn't fit.

And then like the stew is like talking to the person about the bag and I can't hear them, but I know they're having discussion and I'm like, what are they saying? Where are they going to put their bag? They have to put it in the back. They have to put it in the, are they going to check it? Like, and then they check it. I'm like, I knew it. They had to check gonna have to put their bag? Do they have to put it in the bag? Do they have to check it? Like, and then they check it. I'm like, I knew it, they had to check it.

They had to check it, they had to check it. I get way too involved in this stupid shit. And Jill does the exact same thing. She's just verbal about it. I keep it on the inside. And she thinks she's always solved a mystery. You know, like, oh, you know what? The food didn't come out.

Let me guess, there was a problem. I knew it. I knew there was a problem. Yeah, there was a problem. The food didn't come out. What the? Of course there was. You didn't was a problem. Yeah, there was a problem. The food didn't come out. What the? Of course there was. You didn't just solve anything. Gary, Gary, did you hear? She got the order wrong.

That's why it happened. That's why. I told you. I told you. I told everyone here. I knew it. You know what I said to Melinda? They got something wrong. And Melinda just looked at me like with a stupid face and didn't say anything. And I said, don't say anything, Melinda. And she didn't.

And I said, you know what? I told you not to. You didn't. Good for you. Things wrong. You win. You know what? You know what? It's like the time I said to Melinda, I said, I think something's wrong with your vaccine. And she said, what know what, I told you not to, you didn't, good for you, things wrong, you win. You know what, it's like the time I said to Melinda, I said, I think something's wrong with your vaccine. And she said, what are you talking about?

I said, the needle's still in your arm, and you've got it three days ago. You gotta get that checked out. She got it out, I was right. They left the needle in there. That's all, I just needed to know. They just have to fix it. Okay, so now Barbie is running all over the boat

and she's like, the situation is fucked. And then it cuts back and forth between her in a frantic mode and then the guests going through their guided meditation that Jen, the fucking chili oil in her purse lady is guiding them through. And send yourself grace, send yourself courage, send yourself grace and courage.

Always keep chilly oil in your first guys, okay? And then Custo Barbie like, fuck you guys for making me do this myself. Fuck you guys. You know what, like again, most boats that we've seen on the show, there's three Sus and this is pretty normal. So she's, Barbie's really mad because yeah,

they're, you know, Zandy and Fraser out there are doing yoga, but they're not doing just yoga. They're also, they're, they're the ones who have to deal with this like high maintenance crew. So then now the guests are ready to go back and Dylan is trying to, trying to get like energy. He's doing like a pep talk in front of a mirror. It's like, come on, come on, come on, man.

You can do it. High five. High five yourself. High five. Slaps himself. And it's like, oh, it slaps himself on the face. This guy's crazy. So then Fraser and Barbie, Barbie's like, Oh my God, like, I didn't know she wasn't coming back from the beach. I mean, I knew she was going to the beach. I didn't know she was staying there because like I was running around

at every single guest room. But like then I fucked that up and I got fucked lunch up. You know what I mean? I know that I did. And he's like, well, as long as you don't do it again, we're still going, we're still alive, we'll just go until we kill ourselves, I suppose. So Zandy's steaming in the steaming clothing

and Barb is like, please tell me we have a napkin. And she's like, no, no, well, who did it while I was gone? There are no napkins around. Because well, like I need a napkin. And Zendia's like, but I know we don't have people is what I'm saying. And so you can iron a napkin, I'm pretty sure. And so Barbie's like all mad that she has to actually

press a small square of fabric. Yeah. And you know, you gotta do it. And she's know, you got to do it. And she's like, am I supposed to be everybody's nanny on the boat? Why don't you, am I your personal assistant? You can iron, you can iron yourself. Cash me out napkin side, princess.

So then Fraser is taking up a huge plate of sushi to the bar. Now this is a massive amount of work. Okay. Sushi is not easy to make. This is a massive serving thing of sushi. Right. And the crudite. So Melinda goes, are there any without fish? It's raw fish. And she's pissed. And she's telling her husband, Melinda, fuck you, dude. You were sitting there coming up with this

menu and you didn't think to say, I don't eat any of that stuff. Say what you want, Melinda. I know she literally said nothing. That literally, Jill Zarin said, put out some tuna and some this and Wahoo. Put up tuna and Wahoo sushi. And he said tuna and Wahoo. And so that's great. And Melinda just sits there, just sits there. And now all of a sudden she has an issue.

Probably thinking she goes to some American sushi place that serves her baked fish on the thing. But you have to say sushi is not generally served baked for you, Melinda. Fucking. I mean, you're having a meeting. You're having a meeting for the menu. So like voice what you want. Don't do the thing where you're just hoping

that they fall into a trap and then like mess up and that way you can complain about it. Like I have to say, I actually respect Jill Zarin more because Jill Zarin said exactly what she wanted and what she needed and she put it out there. She said, just make this for me and they did. Yeah, someone does a real fucker. I'll tell you that.

So, and also the captain is annoying in this situation too because he insisted on being there that I'm gonna be there so there's no miscommunication. If they had told Konval, like, I'm going to be there. So there's no miscommunication. If they're talking while chef, I'm going to be right. So he knows what went down. Right. And so he, Fraser is like, Oh my God, shit show disaster, insane person in the kitchen, listen, captain, there's no vegetarian option on the sushi.

And he goes, Oh, there's chef. There's no vegetarian option. Yeah. You were there. They didn't ask for that. Now should the chef have probably side is the flip side is that they're still the as a chef, he should have still said, oh, I have to make something for the primary. So that was, she has something to eat beyond the crudities. He probably should have had the forethought to say, even if she's sitting right here and literally not telling me that she wants that, I should probably guess that she's going to want to, even if she's not hungry right this second or something like that.

Yes. But they were sitting there literally going every suit over every single thing and they not only okayed it, it's what they asked for. So for the captain to be like, why isn't there a vegetarian option? Were you listening? You were standing right there, sir. Well, what's happening is Jill's rattling our cage too much and we need to focus on the primary. Primary is number one. It's a huge fuck up and it's and it's his fuck up.

He's out of his depth and we're gonna he's gonna implode and I can't afford these mistakes anymore. Well, I don't know. You can't find someone to unclog a goddamn toilet at this point, so I don't suggest firing the chef. You know what I mean? No, I think get a stew before we fire the chef. Yeah, pretty crazy. Wow, this is our first two-part below deck in a little bit, or maybe we just did a two-part below deck. I don't remember what we did with two parts,

but this is, this was a big one. This is Jill's errand, so you know you're gonna have to you're going to get two parts out of a Jill Zarin episode. Yeah, that's a banner. That's a banner episode for us guys. Well, thank you so much for being here with us. This was super fun. Um, you know, we love you guys. Thanks for being with us. We are doing our Game of Thrones bonus this week. So go check that out. Um, we're also, we also have crappy hour every week. It's every other Monday at 5 30 PM Pacific time, Instagram live show. Super fun.

And, uh, go get tickets for our live shows and our videos, a Patreon, everything like that over at watch what crap ins.com. And we will talk to you next time. Okay. Bye. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Allison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no bologna!

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