Watch What Crappens - #2378 PumpRules: Dead in the Water

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

This week on Vanderpump Rules (S11E10), Ariana unleashes rage on Sandoval at two separate group outings. Meanwhile, Katie and Schwartz demonstrate that maybe their chemistry is still alive.Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What the crap happens? What the crap happens? What the crap happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? What the crap happens? What the crap happens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap Enz,

a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello, how are you? I'm great, thank you. Very excited to do some Vanderpump rules recapping today on a pretty explosive episode. But before we get into that, a reminder, we are doing Netflix as a joke in the beginning of May. It's coming up in a month, April, May 3rd. It's going to be a nice,

really, it's going to be really fun. It's going to be a nice intimate show at the Kukubara Lounge, one night only. So go check us out there. And then later in May, we're going to Europe doing shows in London, Dublin and Birmingham. So get tickets to all four shows at watch what happens.com. And you can also sign up for our Patreon there. This week we are doing a really fun bonus episode. We're going to do a trailer trash for House of the Dragon because guess what? We recap House of the Dragon and when it comes back, we are recapping it. So I know a lot of people are excited for that.

So of course, go to patreon.com slash watch what crap is, or find the link on our website, watchwhatcrappens.com. You can sign up, and also, crap is on demand. You can watch us. We're gonna wave hi to the camera right now, waving hi to people who watch us so the crap is on demand. So that's basically it, all the fun stuff. And now let's get into some Vanderpump Rules.

Ronnie, what did you think about this episode? Good episode, fun episode. It is distressing, it's a distressing episode because Vanderpump Rules always starts the most bizarre fights amongst commenters. And I don't mean just on our show, I just mean in the Bravo universe in general. This week, the discussion has been

whose fault are meat skewers being left on a bedside table? Oh yeah. I'm really surprised how this has taken off on the internet. I mean, people are like very invested in it and they're very upset with Ariana for leaving the meat skewers on the table. And then they're also upset with me, by the way. They're upset with you, what'd you do?

Someone was like, I cannot believe the way that Ben was justifying the meat skewers in the container. I was like, this is the most internet-y thread you could ever imagine. I was not justifying trash. I honestly, I don't even remember what I said lastifying trash. I don't know. I honestly, honestly, I don't even remember what I said last week. Maybe I did justify it. I don't see if I did. I don't really care.

But I will say that if I did justify leaving trash by your bedside, I am here to say that I don't justify it anymore because no, I don't. Oh, that's funny. Well, I didn't know it was anything about you personally. I just thought it's, I just think this shows hilarious because it was anything about you personally. I just thought it's, I just think this show's hilarious because it just starts fights like this. It starts comment wars like this with people being so upset about meat skewers that they're like, fuck her, Iana,

I'm so sick of her shit, fuck her. It's like, whoa, you're mad at someone for leaving me. I mean, I just, the whole fight to me is insane. And I think it's just funny, not funny, but also disturbing to kind of watch it play out because people are being triggered by so many things in our own lives. Like if you've been cheated on,

or if you cheated on somebody, or I think we're all projecting so many of our own things because some of the anger towards the people, and listen, this is coming from me who's an extremely angry person in general. I project anger all over the place. It's my hobby. So I get it.

I'm not even criticizing it. It's just always funny to watch because it happens on every season of Vanderpump rules, the big things, the, the, the affair, those things. Sure. They piss people off and really enraged people, but it's the little things that keep people watching this show. And this week it was meat skewers left on a bedside table. Meat skewers.

And let me tell you something, I guarantee all those people who are like really worked up into a tizzy about the meat skewers, had nothing to say about the fact that Tom Sandoval left an entire kitchen of crap and junk out when he had his party like two weeks ago. So listen, and I'm on team, entire kitchen of crap and junk out when he had his party like two weeks ago. So, uh, listen, and I'm on, I'm on team.

Put your fricking meat skewers in the garbage. I'm definitely team. Don't leave your tie takeout boxes on the nightstand. I mean, that's, I don't understand that. I don't know. Like I, maybe you get drunk or something like that. I don't understand why they were there either, but I'm also not going to lose sleep over it. And I just think that the people who are mad about the meat skewers should like, where's the anchor towards Tom Sandoval for an entire kitchen of shit that was left out overnight.

How about that? I don't know, but here's the territory we're entering into. I hate talking this much about people's relationships. I personally don't believe in relationships like that in general, like love relationships. It's not my lifestyle. I've chosen to avoid that. So when it becomes all talking about relationships,

I can't, I don't wanna hear about it when you're together. And I certainly don't wanna hear about it when you're divorced. It's too much for me. It's just too much. Now I will say one of the things that I find beautiful about this episode is the relationship between Katie and Tom, who are ultimately meant to be together. I'm convinced at this point, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney called it last week

when I said these two have always been in a relationship, they're in a relationship currently and they will be in a relationship the rest of their lives. I feel bad for whoever is married to them in the future because they only love each other the way that they fuck with each other and they actually make life decisions just to trigger the other. Yeah. It's sweet. And that we saw Katie smile today in a way that we haven't seen Katie

smile in literal years. I don't think Katie smiled with this much love at her own fucking wedding. There, I said it. To see Katie genuinely looking glowy and happy and beautiful in her relationship with this fucking loser, now that it's a divorce and not a traditional relationship, she's as happy as can be. And I think that that's what miserable people need.

They need to be in a miserable relationship the rest of their lives to be happy. And I'm happy for her. God bless her. Yeah, I was gonna say Katie had a really good episode. Like she was actually cracking me up. She was saying things that were making me laugh. It was like a really good Katie moment.

There's the way she smiled and was so happy was nice. It was a nice change and you two are made for each other. Don't ever get back together, please. But enjoy being miserable together the rest of your lives. It really is a beautiful anti-love story. It's the kind of thing I can be here for. And I am, right in the front row. I definitely got the feeling like, oh, they are having some chemistry on this episode.

It was weird. But that being said, she still deserves someone significantly, significantly better. Someone who does not just show up dressed like Santa's little helper. He's dressed like Link from Zelda. I don't know what was going on with that shirt, but it was, he's literally wearing Link's shirt and she's dressed in some weird fucking bikini,

bra and panties over a long shirt dress, with an acid wash. Like, it's like their fashion even is so terrible and just not understandable to anybody but each other. Like they both understand the thirst in the other one trying to be cool and just not making it. I just, I mean, I think it's beautiful really. Yeah. Yeah, it is. There's so much beauty in Vandipump Rules, whether it's meat skewers or strange outfits on sad people. There's beauty in all the nooks and crannies of this

show. Summer moons curls, whoever is doing her little pigtails with those curls, I mean, adorable. Okay, so summer moon's here. The song is called, my world, my world, my world. And we go to summer moon playing with Steph and Brock is like, what is that cool summer moon? And she's like, oh my God, it's called Plato, stupid.

Did you not have Plato in New Zealand? And he goes, weird mud. I believe that. Plato, stupid. Did you not have Plato in New Zealand? And he goes, weird mud. I believe that. I believe Brock just brought in balls of mud into the room and just from outside and just made little figurines or whatever with the mud. So we hear, my world, my world. And we go over to Schwartz and Joe trying to juice

and he's like, oh God, what do I do? This is scary. She's like, go, go, go. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God, look, the pulp, it looks like poop, but it sort of looks like spaghetti. Oh my God, are we going to Olive Garden after this? Oh, ah, oh, oh.

And that's all we get of Joe. I know. Which is a damn shame if you ask me. It's a low low episode. Yeah. Um, and then, uh, we see Katie and Lala working out in a park with Jenna. Jenna's back. Jenna's been around all these years and she, we haven't seen much for her. She hasn't had a big scene in a long time, but she's, um, she's leading a workout and she has them at their legs and bands and they're

doing clamshells. And I was very traumatized because I took myself to yoga class and, um, I had to do clamshells and I came home and I watched this and they were doing clamshells and I was like, too soon, too soon. What's a clam shell? It was like you're, you're, you've got the band around your cab, not your cabs, around your shins and you have to raise it. You're on your side and you raise up your both feet together,

and then you have to like open and close your knees. So it's like, it's like, meh, meh, meh. She knows the Pilates band at all times. Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh I'll try each, I'm gonna try each one of the yoga cocktails. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Maaaaa they're addicted to endorphins like it's like they've never experienced true happiness before. This isn't it. OK, well, guys, by the way, Jenna, Jenna really trying to she's like, well, now that Joe's on the show, I think this is my chance. I can get into the show. Nice work, ladies. So Lala's like, so are you guys coming to the water tastings tonight?

What I'm gonna do this weekend? And Jenna's like, oh, water tasting. And Lala's like, yes. I invited everybody, including Tom Sandovosk. Music changed, dun dun dun. And Tom is finishing on the treadmill, the only place he ever goes anymore, you know? It's become sad.

I'm officially sad now, watching Tom on that fucking treadmill every single episode. That's all he does, you know? It's, you're too obsessed. And we just recorded a below deck episode where there is another guy who's just too obsessed. It's not that hot when you have to work that hard for it. You know what I mean?

There needs to be something kind of natural on you. And that much exercise is not natural. I don't care what anybody says, but calm it down. You're making me nervous, bro. Well, it's also such a metaphor for Tom Sandoval that he puts all that energy and effort into something and still is in the same spot as when he started. Didn't take him anywhere.

No, he's just doing so much to go nowhere, really, at the end of the day. So Ariana is in the kitchen and Anne comes over and you know because the doorbells, oh my God, oh my God, it's me, I'm at Ariana's store. Are you answering the door? Thank you so much for answering the door. I could have just stayed out here.

I could have camped here, it's not funny. Do you want me to camp here? If you told me to camp here, I would, just to do research for you because I'm gonna be your assistant. Am I putting the S in assistant right now? I don't need to, I love you, I'll be quiet, you talk. I put on a whole business suit,

so I look like really official, oh, it was really weird because I worked at Taylor Swift. Everyone was like, why is the suit here? And I was like, couldn't help it. I was like, I'm in my Ariana era, so it's Taylor Swift and Ariana at the same time. Anyway, so I'm hired, right? Ariana's like, so.

And Ariana's like, wow, Maya's like, oh, Anne is here. And she's like, what happened to all the treats, Anne? She goes, oh my gosh, I ate them all. Sorry, Maya, I ate your treats. Am I fired already? Yeah, that was odd.

Anne ate my own treats. So then, Anne is like, yeah, so anyway, so before we get this job interview, which this definitely is a job interview, right? I just have to pop upstairs real quick. Oh, one second, I'm gonna go up there. To the living metaphor.

So she goes up to check on Tom and she's like, hi, so sorry I'm late. I'm just here if I can help Ariana. So, you know, I can see if I can help her with some people in the assistant community. Community one, starring Anne, just me. Anyway, have fun in the treadmill, bye. He's like, whatever.

He's just going through a box of memories on the floor. You know? And Ariana's saying, yeah, might be tough if I steal my roommate's assistant, but he didn't respect me enough to not fuck my friend while I was at my grandma's funeral, so I should be stealing his assistant, believe me. Ugh.

So she's like, okay, and so I know that you get here at like 10 or 11 and like whether or not there's stuff to do and you just basically get paid to hang out with like Maya and Chill. She's like, yeah, yeah, like it has its cons. Like sometimes I have to pick up Santa Claus dirty socks and underwear. It's not dramatic to me whatsoever.

The scent doesn't haunt me at night, but yeah, that's basically what I do, yeah. Yeah, and I know for a fact that he sometimes would wear those same socks and underwear for like days in a row. And you wonder why I didn't wanna fuck him? I mean, change your drawers, bro. Change your drawers.

You're in danger drawers. You're in danger drawers. Let me tell you what could have helped this couple. A maid, a cleaning person, okay? You guys are gross, okay? We've got the meat skewer story. We've seen the bed. We've seen the bedrooms, both dirty. You guys, Tom never shaves showers,

does anything, cleans himself. You guys need a damn cleaning person. And I would suggest that anybody, if you can afford a house that's two stories and 3000 square feet and has shiplap and a Lego painting of yourselves, you can afford a cleaning person. Get on that. You know, I think that's a really good note or like some soap, anything. So- Some soap.

No, a person holding the soap is important, you know? And if you think because you can't smell you that the person next to you can't smell you, that's not true, that's a fallacy, okay? That's called nose blind. I'm always paranoid that I'm nose blind. I'm always, always, always, always paranoid. I'm always like, I smell great today. Look at me. It's smelling wonderful. And then last week when I was in New York, I was sitting on the subway and it was like a crowded

subway and no one was sitting to the left of me and there were three seats to the right of me open. And I was like, I must reek because there are people standing and no one wants that. There are all these open seats. You don't even have to sit next to me. You can sit two away from me and no one wants to take the seat. Well, I know that I'm nose blind because sometimes I'll hang out with my family and when they do this,

I realize how much I've been stinking all this time because they go, oh my God, you smell so good. I go, well. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So I guess I've just been smelling like old cottage cheese this whole time and nobody said anything, you know? Cottage cheese is very trendy right now. Is it? Yeah. It's cottage cheese is trendy and so is cabbage.

You know why I brought it up? Cause I was reading a thread on Reddit about people using cottage cheese to make other things. Like I made salad dressing with blended up cottage cheese. And I was like, this is so sad. I literally had some cottage cheese last night, but not because it's trendy. Cause I've always loved cottage cheese. I've been at cottage cheese. It was my sin during Weight Watchers as a kid, I would always, cause you could eat

what cottage cheese, like one of the only things I could ever eat. And so I would eat, you know, 20 cartons of it, but it has to be full fat. It has to be full fat because if you get like reduced fat, it's just sort of like, it's just sad, but full fat is like delicious. Okay. So Ariana's like, uh, yeah, he's, Tom's disgusting and doesn't do his laundry or whatever. Come for the recap. Stay for the cottage shoes talk. So, and saying, yeah, you know, I do do a lot of like picking up

underwear and stuff like that. But I wouldn't mind it if it was your underwear. My God, what kind of underwear do you wear? That's a crazy question. I can't believe I asked that. I'm so sorry. Please do not put that on my employee evaluates. If you hire me, if you hire me, I don't know if you're gonna hire me.

Would you hire me? Are you going to hire me? I don't know. That's, that's a, I shouldn't ask that. I shouldn't ask that for someone who works for you. Wait a minute. Do I work for you? Do I work for you? I mean, I just know you'd be a great boss, but I think the boss that I currently have, he is the worst. I shouldn't be saying that out loud, but don't worry. He's definitely not listening in at this moment. He is definitely not listening in. Oh God, I love it. You'd be such a better boss than Tom. Oh my God. And of course. So she was like, so I know that you do housekeeping.

And she goes, yeah, but I do look forward to the times that I could do more admin. That would be amazing. Do you have any paperwork to file? Oh my God. Don't say yes right now because I don't want to start shuddering all over. I don't want body shudders.

Hold on. Let me prepare myself. Do you have a sweater? Do you have a sweater before you talk about filing things? So Ariana's basically like, yeah, you know, I just want a thing where like, if there's an email that comes in, you know, just like you just take care of it.

Yeah, and like, you can just like prioritize and say like, oh, we're not gonna do that, we are gonna do that. You know, just like- Brand deals, brand deals. Yeah. Oh my God, I would be so good at brand deals. Who do you get emails from? Does Uber still email you?

I've really always wanted to talk to somebody inside Uber, not as much as you. I wanna talk to somebody in Uber lucky enough to know you. Could you call them, call them right now. You know, it'd be really fun if you had a brand deal for brand, like imagine a brand brand, brand brand deal. Wouldn't that be great?

Wouldn't it be hilarious to be like almost meta, but it's not totally meta because you did that thing. I can make you poop, I promise. It's me, Ariana, I can make you poop. You can probably make me poop. I'm pooping right now. Ariana Maddox for We Brand. I'm just putting it out there. Putting it out there, then featuring Anne,

the Anne experience. I could do the maze in the back of the box. I could be the maze, be like, get Anne out of the maze and the maze could look like Tom Sand of All Space. You know what I'm saying, right? It works. You should brand, brand with Anne. Brand, brand, brand.

You can't spell Anne, brand without Anne sort of. So she's like, oh my God, I would love to work for like an amazing girl boss. That would be amazing. Now, if it doesn't work out, I totally understand jumping off a cliff. Just say, all right, be Anne really didn't ever get what she wanted,

but hopefully in heaven, Ariana will need an assistant. Am I right? I'm just kidding. I shouldn't joke about that right now. That's horrible. I'm at a job interview. Did I pass this? My heart, are we coworkers? I had a meat skewer.

I'm going to heaven. Oh my God. Please pump my stomach. My stomach right now. Just kidding. I'll pay the $6,000. You just pumped the stomach. You're so good.

You're too good at pumping your stomach. Too soon. And so Orion is like, well, I would, you know, I don't know. But meanwhile, Tom is listening to this, right? Cause he's come out of his, his walking den. And so Ariana's like, well, I would, uh, you know, I don't know. But meanwhile, Tom is listening to this, right? Cause he's come out of his sweat, his walking den and he is now listening to her back from John from Ariana. Why are you guys doing this in the living room of the house?

You know that he's going to be listening. It's fucking Tom Sandoval. Why? I guess that's kind of the point, right? Yeah, uh, exactly. And the thing is that like, Ariana doesn't even want to piring in. So he's listening in and saying, Oh man, I mean, Ariana already got our friends. Now she's going to take my assistant. She can have anybody she wants work for her.

The irony of him saying that because that's what people say when they get cheated on. You could have had any man in the world. Why would you take mine? You know, right. Joleen. Like exactly. But it's also like Sandoval you could have cheated, not that it makes it better, but you also could have cheated with anyone, but you went for a retail. Exactly. Right. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's why it's so funny. Cause he's the one who had an affair. Now he's using like a fair terminology that victims use. Victims of affairs.

And also Ariana, it's like this victim, speaking of victim thing, like she took all the friends. You literally still have Schwartz and these are adults who chose not to be friends with you because you were irresponsible and you lied to everyone and you proved to be actually just like a shady ass person. It wasn't that Ariana stole the friends. And if it makes you feel any better, they don't like her either, apparently.

Yeah, there's that too. No one has any alliances on this show. You know who's, the only person who stole anything here is Lisa Vanderpump who stole all their souls. Now let me tell you who else feels like they don't have friends. Every other cast member on this show, because they don't. You're all fucking monsters, okay?

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. You're all fucking monsters. So, Ariana's like, you know, things are kind of weird right now, Anne, because you know I'm living with a monster, who you work for, so maybe when I'm out of the house, we can do something. And she goes, oh my God, so we're gonna keep in touch?

Oh my God, I just winked at you. I just winked at you, am I fired? I would have to be hired first. Hire me so you can fire me, hurry. I just realized if we keep in touch, that means we have to start touching so that we can keep the touch. So, okay, I'm gonna just put my finger on your shoulder,

and I'm just gonna keep it there, and I'll just follow you around all day with my finger on your shoulder, so that way we're keep the touch. So, okay, I'm gonna just put my finger on your shoulder and I'm just gonna keep it there and I'll just follow you around all day with my finger on your shoulder so that way we're still in touch. She's like, well, lucky for you, I am the HR department and I'm totally fine with it. She's like, oh my God, I love you so much, I love you. So then we go to Brock and Schwartze's

and Schwart, or Brock and Sheena's and Schwartz comes over and he's like, oh, whoa, this was so fun coming all the way out here. This was great, I've been in the car 19 hours. Oh, hey, summer moon, hi, I got you a hat. It's an adult sun hat. It's a adult sun hat. Congrats, you stopped by an Exxon station and bought something.

So she's like, it's a hat that says, do not disturb. So I'm like, is this just what you were wearing when you were around Katie and your marriage? Exactly. So, um, she's like, he's the Bronx. Like you want to try this on? She's like, I don't want it. It's like smart kid. You know, he's like, all right, go back to putting mud on your head. They put it on her anyway. And it looks like Looney tunes.

It literally looks like, you know, when they hide under a hat and then they have to move close or something. So you see the hat and then it goes up and the little feet goes over a little bit and goes down again. Oh, don't worry. She'll grow into it.

Oh, by the way, today I opened, you know, I opened my Instagram. It was so crazy because everyone's like holding their stomach and like popping up babies. It's like really crazy Instagram. Liter literal ovulation all over my Instagram and not ovulation, dilation, centimeters counting. And I don't even know what I'm talking about. I want a baby. I'm just a sweet guy. A sweet guy who wants a baby.

What a fucker. Cause you know, it's like, you know, Katie hears this and it's like, like fuck you. Like this is why it's doing it. Yeah. It's like, I wanted this and then you were like, fuck you. Like this is why I said I wanted it. That's why he's doing it. Yeah, it's like, I wanted this. And then you were like, no. And now all of a sudden you're like, oh, I want a baby. After you fucking. That's why he's doing it. What I realized, I mean, a long time ago, but they're really highlighting that I'm correct in this episode is that he's triggering her,

but he's doing it out of love because he knows that she hates, he knows that she's happy being in a victim space. And so he's victimizing her by this. And then she has a reason to yell at him and feel hurt. And then he gets to pretend he didn't mean it when they both know that he did. And then they just, that's how they feel comfortable.

I don't know how else to explain it. It's a cycle of abuse basically is what it is. And it's just so sweet. Once again, he's also sending a message to Katie via a third party, which is that he's gonna tell this to Sheena and Brock, and then they're gonna tell Katie, like, oh, the other day, like Schwartz came over and he was like, probably this really big cat, and then he was like, oh my God, I wanna have babies now,

I wish I could have babies. Oh, it's not funny that he said that. Like that's exactly, he's just sending the messages to Katie through other people to make him mad. Yeah, or to get her back, or is it to get her back? You know, that's the kind of mixed message that he's sending, you know? Is it just to infuriate Katie,

or is it to get her thinking, well, maybe he's learned a lesson and now he does want a family and he is ready to get serious now? Why is it an or instead of an and, Ronnie? It could be both. He wants to get her mad and he wants to get back at her.

Or And. So then he's like, Oh my God, you know, like his father time is knocking and he's saying, you're not getting any younger. Your restaurant's a failure. Oh God. Father time really is a terrible Yelp reviewer. Anyway, I want your life guys, this is amazing. Baby with such a tiny head. God, really, how does she go out in the sun? She can't fit in any hats, poor thing. By the way, Schwartz, no one else is saying you're not getting any younger. Your future bleach blonde haircut.

I know. You're about five minutes in the future Draco Malfoy hair, that's what's saying it. Sir, you're not getting any younger, stop doing this. That's what your heir will be saying to you very shortly. So, Sheena's like, I'm really getting a cold plunge. You know, because who doesn't have a cold plunge? Who doesn't have a cold plunge on their balcony?

They go outside where they have a cold plunge that just there is, was Brock trying, do you think Brock was trying to like brand his own cold plunges after last season or two seasons ago, whenever it was, when he had James doing a cold plunge? Remember he like, he like sat James down. He's like, yeah, you do a cold plunge right now

and you need to learn to do this cold plunge and get sober. I feel like Brock was trying to make cold plunges a thing for himself. So they just have this like cold plunge prototype in their, on their side yard. You know, we, I've just been hearing a lot of cold plunge stuff, cause they just did it on another Bravo show.

I don't remember which one. And then every year, New Year in my neighborhood, I live in a, I live by a lake. And so every year they do a cold plunge at new year. And that's why I won't speak to my neighbors. I just think they're all monsters. I think that's that. I'm like, no, I will not go hang out with you.

What is this? Like you're gonna have me drink some Kool-Aid and I'm gonna die. I don't trust these people. Cold Kool-Aid. I think it was Sandoval who did the cold plunge actually earlier this season. Oh, it was Sandoval.

Yeah, it was Billy Lee. Where he came up and his his hair was coming forward. And Billy Lee was like, I hope you just realized that we're best friends. You just realized we're best friends, right? That's amazing. It was so fun. Remember the time you came to see me do stand up? So Sheena does a cold plunge in the middle of this visit. Also a strange thing to do when someone's visiting you. And then Schwartz is like, Oh God, whenever I come to the West side, it's like a gulp of fresh air. I used to say that about sex with Katie.

Oh, like we do, we don't do this often, but we should. God, I wish I could have sex with her all the time and make babies with her. Oh, well, please don't tell her that. Well she's having more sex just not with her. Oh, well, please don't tell her that. Well, she's having more sex, just not with you. Hoo-heh, hoo-heh, blah. Blah, Katie's at the ice cream store on Beverly Boulevard. She's not gonna appreciate that you said that while she's trying to eat ice cream.

I'm sorry, I'm not following Katie around. She's just in the cold plunge just watching everybody on video cameras. So then we go to Katie's apartment in Valley Village, and I realized something because I am detail oriented like this. Based on the exterior, assuming the exterior shot is accurate, Katie's apartment in Valley Village is the same building that Kristin is in, in the Valley. So Katie and Kristin live in the same building. And they're like really keeping this under wraps

that the two of them are still like witches of WeHo-ing it up. Oh, that's weird. Yeah, go look at the footage everyone. Look, you will see it's the same complex unless Bravo's just throwing in generic exteriors. Maybe, yeah, but they would have to know that someone would figure that out, right?

Eagle-eyed Ben. Actually, you're the first person I've heard point that out. Exclusive. Exclusive. Wait, I'm sorry. We're cutting that part out and we're putting it on Patreon. So Ariana comes over and she's like, I had six shots of espresso. I need to continue this espresso buzz. I was like, really? This is you on an espresso buzz? And so she's like, I am so, I'm so manic right now. I almost threw away my meat skewers,

but I think I need to have one more shot of espresso to do that. And Katie's like, I have a kind of. Oh, Do you want that? Hold on. Let me put it in my rig machine. That's Katie's branding. I think Katie should come out with her own sparkling soda.

It should just be called. It's the actual sound of the carbonation is the brand. It's the only thing that complains louder than Topo Chico. So Ariana talks about her meeting with Ann and she's like, you know, I mean, I'm just afraid that Tom could be vindictive. So I was like, maybe not, you know? So then I'm getting ready to leave and she's down there crying because Tom was coming down on her

because he was upstairs eavesdropping on us the whole time. Like you did that on purpose. I'll be sure she wasn't crying because she didn't just eat a meat skewer by accident. I just want to be loved like Maya. I was just taking one for the team, team Maya. Team Maya. Maya was looking at these scissors so I ate them so she couldn't get to them. Ow, howie, tummy, team, team Maya. Team Maya. Maya was looking at these scissors,

so I ate them so she couldn't get to them. Ow, ow-wee, tummy, tummy, ow-wee. Kitty's like, I don't like this invasion of privacy happening. I feel like my privacy was inundated via Sheena tracking packs like that. Your privacy was inundated? Oh my God.

What? It's an inundation of privacy? Who was forming these sentences? When she said she had a can of THC in her fridge, I was like, that makes much more sense with the trying to make inundated or the trying to, what was her thing last, the past two weeks? That can is like, please close that refrigerator door.

My privacy has been inundated. Fathomless. That explains the trying to make fathomless happen over and over. So she's like, yeah, my privacy was inundated by Sheena tracking Max. And then we see a clip of Sheena going, I wanted to look and see if my friend got home okay.

And I was like, okay, well, maybe she dropped Max off at home. Like Sheena is more muppety than ever. back to the home. Like, Cena is more muppety than ever. She also did her confessional from a cold plunge. Cold plunge. So, Arianne was like, I mean, like, I know she has my location, but I'm like,

how many others does she have? Like, probably everyone she met at BravoCon, by the way, she knows where everyone is. Yeah, and Katie's like, I mean, my location is literally in none of your best. And Ariana says, yeah, I never had Tom's location. Well, there you go. And she even gets her own branded. Now the reason Sheena has everyone's location,

don't you think it's because of Apple? How they're like, oh, share your location with your friends. And she's like, oh my God, we're going somewhere, share your location right now. And then she just creepily collects them. I'm just like a people pleaser, because I just want to know where everyone is. I just want to make sure everyone is safe

at the end of the day, that's all. By the way, I do like that I just had this big revelation of like Katie and Kristin live in the same building. And then Katie in this very same scene goes, my location is literally none of your business. I've inundated her privacy everyone, I apologize. She's talking to you, you the inundator. Fathomless inundator.

So back with Brock and Sheena and Schwartz, he's like, I'm not out of the dog house yet. Schwartz is like, oh my God, you weren't supposed to say anything about Katie fucking Max. And Sheena's like oh my god you weren't supposed to say anything about Katie fucking Max? And she was like no he wasn't supposed to say anything that wasn't his place. Especially now that the fire's on me. Actually I wish the fire was on me because I'm in a cold plunge and it's like literally cold.

Who just sits in a cold plunge like that? Sheena's just sitting there like that. She's just sitting in the cold plunge. I don't think the cold plunge is working. And he's like well let's not forget last summer, she wanted your world to burn. And then we see a clip of Katie going, you know what, Sheena, you're a shitty person, you're a shitty friend,

and it's fine, because karma's gonna come for you, and I'm gonna watch your world burn, and I'll smile. I was like, oh, she literally did say she wanted Sheena's world to burn. And she's like doing her makeup while she's doing it. Yeah. Well, that's fucking hypocritical though. Cause, um, that was my best friend that she was hooking up with. I just kissed Rick out once and she was just a French friend.

She was just a French friend, not even a real friend. She was like, maybe with tit for tat. No, it was tit for, it was, it was dick for tit. It was, yeah, I was, I can't do a good pun for it, but I love, I love Sheena offering, maybe it was tit for tat. Like, oh, I love that that thought never even occurred to Schwartz.

Like, oh, maybe this is a tit for tat situation. So back to Katie, she's like, I mean, I wasn't like, it wasn't like I'm gonna get with his friend. I mean, in my mind, it was like sort of coming off as like Sheena and Schwartz, like, this dude like sort of coming off as like she'd ensure it's like, this dude has done bad by me so many times. Fuck it. So it was, I'm going to get it was exactly what you just said. It wasn't like, and by the way, good for you. Love.

A hundred percent in support of this. And Katie is like, Tom can be upset if he wants, but at the end of the day, you get nothing for Raquel. And it's like, should I feel bad? No, it's not like we had an agreement. Right? So then Lala sends them a text and they both get it at the same time. And she's like, guys,

I want you to chase your water with a booth. B-Y-O-B-K, okay? B-WAP. B-WAP. So Arianna's like, oh my God, this water party. Kitty's like, I know. Ariane is like, I know. Kitty's like.

The Keurig is like. The Keurig is like. Have we heard from Chef Penny? Did she finish creating our sandwich that? Yeah, there's something about. So, uh, so anyway, so she's Lala has, Lala is inviting Tom to this thing and Ariana's like, well, it makes sense. He would be at her thing. She's going out of her way to understand him.

Katie, would you mind doing the honors? Sure. Thank you. Her healing journey, I suppose. Again. So she's like, look, if I'm gonna stay in this group of friends, I'm gonna see him. So I need to get the fuck over it.

And also I don't know what a water tasting is. So I've got to see how ridiculous this is. So Ariana's like, it's not a tasting, it's a water boarding. Am I right? Katie's like, girl. I'm so glad you take sketch comedy seriously because look how it's paying off. And then guess it's our favorite side character of the year.

I don't know if you noticed this. I'm saying this right now, before I forget, did you notice there was an actual scene where they were talking and you could hear the plane overhead? Like you could hear it on the audio. It's like Katie finding out she's going to see Tom Sandoval at a, at a, at a water tasting It's like Katie finding out she's going to see Tom Sandoval at a water tasting. The Southwest plane flies overhead. So James is with Ali Bali. He's like, we have to get outdoor furniture, Ali Bali. Lollah's water guy is here.

Martin, he's like the water man. I've definitely seen this guy on the news talking about water. What happened, family? on the news talking about water. Well, happy family. So we have a clip of Ariana saying, oh, this guy, is it this guy who's saying it? The most important thing we will discover together is that water has taste.

Yeah, yeah, his name is Ari. And so James is watching him out the window, spilling bottles all over the place. And Ari's like, oh my God, I'm getting too excited out here. And now he's like, oh my God, he saw me looking at him. He saw me. Oh my God, he must be a Pisces. That is such a Pisces thing to do, looking windows.

So they're cracking up and Lala comes over. And James is telling us, you know, since quitting alcohol, I haven't become quite the sparkling water connoisseur that Lala Bala has become. You know, I'm more of a Red Bull and Coca-Cola kind of a guy. Sometimes not the cola part. So everyone's coming over Schwartz and Sheena and Brock and Ariana and Dana, we have a Dana appearance and Katie.

This is like all our, we had a mention of Max and now we have Dana. It's like all our, our old friends. So, uh, uh, Brock apologizes to Katie's like, Oh, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later. To make it up for you. I made you this cute little ball of mud, just like in New Zealand, please take it. So do you think that the show's planning on bringing the one season wonders back because that's what they're doing. They're reviving all the canceled people.

So do you think that they're like, hey, they've had a break and Max banged Katie. So he gets to come back and Dana has a show with Katie now a podcast with her. So do you think- Max did make a cameo appearance on the Valley that we somehow missed. So he was on camera.

Dana, I think like there's a chance for Dana potentially, because she does have that podcast with Katie and apparently they all love Dana. So I could see a world in which Dana starts to make a bigger appearance, but I don't think that like, Max, I think that Bravo is like, we'll bring some, some people who got canceled in 2020 back, but we're not going to bring someone like, like Max bring some, some people who got canceled in 2020 back, but we're not going to bring someone like, like max is not worth it to us. Yeah. Well, we'll see.

You never know. Bookmarked it. Bookmarked it. I predict that Max and Dana are coming back full time next year. Yeah. So then, um, Schwartz is like, uh, he's like, why am I nervous? I'm not in trouble. I didn't do anything wrong. Oh, so Katie says when Brock basically apologizes, Katie's like, well, maybe this is payback from Brock, blabbing about my private life after I talked about his. We see her like going down the list,

like of all the things that Brock did not do. She's like, did he pay for child support? No, why not? What about like, because he they were getting into fights. Why? Cause he's shitty person. Why? Cause he didn't love his wife and his kids. Why? She just goes on the whole thing. And, uh, she, she's like, so we good now? Probably not. It's probably going to be a little more, if it is revenge, She's like, so we good now? Probably not. It's probably gonna be a little more,

if it is revenge, I think it's gonna be bigger than that. But surprising that she was down to be like, well, I guess I deserve it. That's not normally a Katie vibe. So Schwartz is like, why am I nervous? I'm not in trouble. I'm not the one who did anything wrong this time. And now they gather around the table for the water saying, and Lala's like, guys,

thank you for coming. I've been sober for five years, one day at a time. Am I right? It's not just a show my mom used to watch. So water may seem like something you drink and they're all the same, but sparkling water, it's really been there for me. When I want to get buck wild, when I want to feel no stress, when I feel sad, it's the point where when I met the dawns, I squirted sparkling. Basically sparkling water is nature's squirting. Okay. I'm sorry, Ben, but it's not called sparkling. It's called sparkling. Sparkling. There was actually a moment,

I think it was right there when she said, thank you guys for coming, where she literally said coming. Like I went back, I listened to it. There was an actual hard K sound at the end of her coming. Yeah, that comes from somewhere. She literally does it on Jesus. So funny. So she's like, has anyone done this before? And Sanderville's yesterday. And they all look at him and he goes, kidding. Still got it. So Ari's like, what, you know, what has been around for years? And like the, the, the, this water could be dinosaur piss. And I am the Harry Potter of water. And when I shake

this water, it will become milk. Look, it's milk. It's naturally carbonated. Look, it's like naturally going. Yes she said yeah i went on the radio one time and i was talking to the playboy bunnies and they said it tastes like calm and then he points right at lala and goes here we go i was like why are you pointing at lala oh because he goes it tastes like bleep but lala goes come he goes yeah that oh oh i was like why is he pointing at Lala while he's talking? That's rude. They said it tastes like the thing that's always in this one's mouth. Ha ha ha ha. Slutty girl, slutty slutty slutty girl. The slut shaming water

guy. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Schwartz, they're all pretending to like give a shit, you know, and he's like, this one is a cuvée water. It's the only one on this planet. This one, this bottle, a thousand dollars. Look at that just popping cuvée water like it's nothing. Santa was like, what makes it so expensive? He's like, well, you know, it's like two springs connecting and Sanam was like, oh, what makes it so expensive? He's like, well, you know, it's like two springs connecting.

And Lala's like, wow, how many bottles are there in the world? And he's like, oh, well, I don't know how many, but I do know that we're drinking the only one in America. And we're drinking it. Wow. I just squirted all the other water out right now.

And Katie's like, it tastes like water. Katie. No, they're all like, wow. And she's just like, it's water. Just tastes like water. This does not compare to wine tasting at all. I had to imagine that she was right on this one. I'm sorry. I'm sure it was lovely. So now Arianna's like, can we get wine?

Cheers everybody, you just got Ari. Water, okay, water. So they go inside and okay, so the girls go inside and the guys are still outside and Brock's asking about tea and Sandoval's like, no idea what's going on with here. I'm seeing some people. That's it guys. I'm just seeing some people. No more questions. No more questions. I enjoyed Brock in this moment because I don't know if you noticed like Brock at rest is him ready for a ball to come his way because he's like asked a question and

he just like stands and puts his hands out to receive a ball. I just love because he's like, ask the question. And then he just like stands up, puts his hands out to receive a ball. I just love, I was like, I'm not sure that there is a ball that's going to be thrown. Maybe there is one, but he's just ready for one. He's like, all right, hold on. Let me just get ready. Boys took, let's just go, let's throw a bowl at each other. We're boys. It's such boys. Yeah. I want to talk about your relationship, but I also want to catch a ball in the process.

So inside the pizza's coming and you just hear Sheena go, there better be ranch. James, did you get ranch or was the ranch in the seventh house of Mercury? They forgot the ranch everybody. I'll go get the ranch. So Sandoval runs out the door. He's like, sir, sir, I need the ranch. The ladies need the ranch. Real American hero over here. And Orion is like, since when does he chase ranch? He's like doing so much. He's like doing way too much right now. See, this is why you can't fire Anne. You need to have your ranch delivery person ready at the moment you need her.

Well, I would suggest that if he finds the ranch, you should leave it on your bedside table so Maya has something to eat skewers with because ranch helps everything go damn better. Seriously. So then we hear the delivery guy say, oh, there's none, there's no ranch. And then our Anne was like, why is he doing the most right now

for the ranch? So Santa Claus comes in, he's like, dude, I was trying to get the ranch, man. He hears it and he's like, it makes it harder for me to like just stay in the background when I hear Ariana making all these comments about how much I mess up ranch. I'm working so hard to rebuild relationships, dude.

I'm not being allowed. It's constantly pressuring people to side with her. The deck is constantly stagnating. You cheated like a second ago. Dude, give it a minute. You get being able to like retrieve a heroic small thing of ranch does not exonerate you from terrible behavior over the past year?

Yeah. So, um, now the guys are outside and Brock who's just the messiest guy. I love that Brock is just happily doing Sheena's dirty work and every episode he's like, so do you want to impress us with your single stories, Sandoval? Go ahead. He goes, all right, well, I got one. How about this one? Oh no, let me work up some tears

because this is a rough one, guys. I was just bullied about where I actually came. So T told me that the other night, Arianna was asking her all these questions like how old she is and stuff, and talking shit about me. When I'm on a first date. I felt that was really, really tacky guys.

Tom Sandoval, the, uh, the doyen of proper behavior. What is he talking about? I mean it is really tacky, but it was hilarious. Okay. I thought it was great. I thought it was Ariana doing some great cock blocking. I think that Sandoval deserves to be cock blocked left and right. I thought it was great. I thought it was Ariana doing some great cock blocking. I think that's the end of all deserves to be cock blocked left and right. I love it. And he said about talking about tacky when he's like wearing the same clothes day in day out and cheating by the way. And also cheating. Well, that's the day that he was dressed like polyester cowboy to go bowling with tea, wasn't it? Yeah, maybe they just showed a memory of it.

Everyone is tacky. Everyone is shitty to each other. Why are you surprised that someone was shitty to your date tea? Well, he's trying, you know, I think what he's, I think what his plan is, is to make himself the victim here. And what's shocking is that it's actually working. Okay. Oh yeah.

It's working very, very well. So, uh, Brock's like, Oh, I get it. You know, um, but all the, all of us, we're still in the infant stage of how to go through this, you know, not as much of an infant for Schwartz to come and put a gigantic oversized head on us and blind us, terrify us and probably traumatize us, but, you know, still young, maybe you guys should have a conversation. Yeah, maybe you guys should just chill out about that. How about that? How about that?

I mean, like, how many things do I have to do? Like, first I try to chase down some ranch and now I'm gonna have a conversation? Dude. I'm just trying to help you. You need to talk to Ariana. I love how people put that on me, dude. Hold on, I need a moment. Hey. Hey. Oh. Oh.

Hold on. Let me do some breath work over here. Ah. Ah. It's need a minute to write my journal, bro. Okay, so the girls are inside and Lala's asking you about Anne and Ariana's like,

I don't know what's going on with her. And she's like, I asked if she was okay. And she said, she doesn't know if she's okay. And Lala says, um, this is bigger than just being an assistant. There's so many S's in that word. She's like the middle man. So if you guys. Like what's the game plans for us? Ariana's like, well, my lawyer can do it. She was like, um, well, your lawyer is not going to tell you like when to go upstairs and like when to use the total or like when to take her cold plunge. Our hand was like, well, it's my total.

So I'll use it when I want laws like, um, we got to figure this out. Okay. Katie's like, I'm just gonna get some water. So she goes outside and out there is Schwartz in his Legend of Zelda shirt. And- They both look so stupid in this scene. I can't. The fashion in this scene is hilarious.

Both of them. And the dog is just like jumping up on Katie. She's like, no, stop, stop. Stippy, Graham, whatever. I don't know what you are. Just stop up on Katie. She's like, no, stop, stop. Stippy, Graham, whatever. I don't know what you are. Just stop jumping on me. Ew, disgusting. Chal hippie.

Guys, when dogs are doing that, I know that that's bad manners for a dog. You just need to say hi, pat it on the head and go about your day. That's all they want. But it's like tacky, bro. She's like trying to walk somewhere. It's like tacky, man She's like trying to walk somewhere.

It's like tacky man, it's tacky. Pat the fucking dog on the head, okay. So Schwartz is like, oh, he's all over you like a dog in heat. Sounds like someone I know. Anything you want to talk about? Anything you want to talk about? She's like, anything you want to talk about?

And he's like, you're right, oh, you dirty dog. And she's like, so I'm like trying on the short stance and walking in a walking. I'm the pants. Sorry, that's my bad. It's like I'm trying on shorts pants and walking a mile in your pants. I'm walking a fathomless mile in your,

what was the other word? What was the word from today? Damn it. Inundated my privacy. The convenient narrative. I'm liking your Fathomless vamp. Down inundated road. Don't put this on me.

So then they'd laugh. They sort of laugh because they both know they're being fuckers to each other, right? I literally have not seen her smile like this in years. That's when I was like, oh my God, they're meant to not be together forever. This is so cute. So what do you wanna talk about?

He's like, oh, Max, because she's like, okay, well, maybe I was just into like a fuck it mentality because you've been like doing me dirty for like years and years. And she says, you know, he didn't respect me. So why am I even gonna give it a, going to give it a thought? I'm just gonna do what I want.

And he's like, but Max is literally my best friend and you fucked Max and then you roasted me to oblivion for one kiss and she was barely in the friend group. So it was at a wedding that you were technically not invited to. And I knew that you were watching me from a restaurant while I made out with her in front of the entire cast and crew of like 150 people just to embarrass you and piss you off. Cause I didn't really like you. So what big deal? This guy's such a little shit.

CB So Katie is like, cause I asked you to do one thing and you couldn't even respect one simple wish to stay friends. No, I know, I know, I know. He's like, that was just such a flimsy argument, you know? And I respect your feelings too. I do, I do, I do. I try, I respect you. She's like, okay, well, this is why we got divorced. Cause everything I felt was just like, so flimsy to you. No, don't do that. No, I'm a little boy. I'm sweet. No. So he's like, uh, you know, we had an agreement and I felt betrayed, but Katie's had this air of moral superiority and she, she fucked up a little bit.

And it's hot. It's really, really hot. God, it felt so good to say that Katie... Well, yes. I mean, if Katie's coming from this place of like, oh my God, it's the most hurtful thing you could do to even pretend, to even hook up with anybody in the friend group when she knows

he never hooked up with Rachel. And she made that the biggest deal in the world. So she goes and fucks his best friend. Now he did it first, so just for that. But for her to act like, oh, this is no big deal. And I totally didn't do it to hurt his feelings. She knew it was gonna hurt his feelings and that's why she did it.

And more fucking power to her. But him being like, oh wow, she went against one of her own moral things. That's so fucking hot. Yeah. Yeah. No, uh, I fully support Katie doing this because he did, he did render that agreement null and void and she has a right to say, you know what, why am I making, why am I trying to be friends with this person or why am I trying to expect

anything or have these like arrangements with him when he doesn't, he never ever cared or respected any of my wishes. So fuck it. I'm horny. Max has a penis, not so much a face, but a penis. So let's do this and have some fun. Cut to lost footage of Sheena taking, or of Katie taking Max's phone and sharing his location with Sheena. So she can keep it coming later. The most romantic, the biggest rom-com of the year.

So she's like, yeah, if Max is the one fuck up that I have, then you're so lucky. Shorts is like, well, Katie has a fuck up too. Oh, feels good to finally say that. Oh. And she's like, I've been really fucking affable and accepting of you and letting things go for that's Katie, except for that time. That's what everybody calls Katie affable and accepting God.

If I've heard it once, I've heard it 9 million times. Yeah. I've really let things like roll off my back. Like the time you wouldn't, you, you took the seat in first class and I was talking coach or I think at my walls of texts late at night really show how chill I am. Like a, like water off a duck's fallible, uh, back. What is wrong with me? Okay. So it's like, okay, can we start fresh? Can we start fresh now? I stopped delving into each other's past. She's like,

I'm not delving into the past Tom. Okay, but can we start fresh? Can we start fresh now and stop delving into each other's past? She's like, I'm not delving into the past, Tom. Okay, but can we be friends? Like go to dinner. And she's like, no, she starts kind of giggling. She's like, no, I don't want to go to dinner. I don't want to. And so you can make better choices. Like at least with clothing and stuff like that, look at you.

He goes, this is a good shirt. And she goes, is it? Whoa. What are you even wearing? She goes, I look cool. This is like Megalos they painted onto a t-shirt. He goes, this isn't serving. Just kidding, just kidding.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And then they smile at each other in this way. It's like, it's on like Donkey Kong. That's all I'm saying. They're back. So now Brock is inside with the girls and Ariana is still talking about Anne. And she's like, so Anne said that she wanted to work for me.

Well, I mean, guess what? The attempted dog murderer was listening. And Senna ball hears it. Just when he thought, just when he thought it was getting bullied for ranch was bad. Now he's actually been elevated to attempted dog murderer. Dog murderer?

The point is this, the point is this Sandoval, you should like just be so happy that you're only getting raked over the coals for ranch and not dog murder. Cause that's the rougher one. No pun intended, rough. So he is though.

He was being dragged over the coals for dog murder. I know, but I'm saying that he is like, oh man, I'm getting dragged over the coals for ranch. It's like, just you wait, dog murdering is coming up next. Yeah, you should have been grateful back in those ranch days. Grateful that it was as simple as ranch.

So he hears and he like, he does like his rage stare where he's like pouting and like doing his victim, like I could cry or rage at any moment, bro. And so Brock's like the attempted dog murderer. And he goes, yeah, she's referring to me, bro. I'm gonna bump into the kitchen without ranch that I ran for. And he goes, she left food out.

She goes, you went into my room with the door closed. Do not ever fucking do that again. Okay, so apparently on Anne's podcast, she has a podcast about assistance or something. So apparently on her podcast, she said that the air conditioner guy came over to fix the AC and so they put, Tom put, they left the door open for the,

because the air conditioner guy had to get into a room or something. So they left the door open and the dog snuck in there. So when they closed the door again, the dog got stuck in the room. I have a couple of questions. Why is it so bad to put the dog in your room? When I leave, I put my dog in the laundry room because I feel like he feels kind of safe.

It's kind of like creating your dog. Like it's not bad for them to be locked in a room. I don't understand this whole like you locked my dog. My dog couldn't get out of the room. I mean, it was in your room. I don't understand. Well, it sounds like it, but it wasn't done with intentionality. I think maybe that's the difference. It's one thing if you're like, okay, Bueller, I'm going to go like, here's where you know, you go into your safe space. But I think it's's the difference. It's one thing if you're like, okay, Bueller, I'm going to go like here's where you know, you go into your safe space, but I think it's like the thoughtless thing of like, oh, the dog was just like locked away somewhere and like

Not being thought of I'll say the ball goes and does something so I'm imagining that was the trigger point Hmm. I don't know if I have a roommate and they have a dog or if I if my dog is staying somewhere and Someone comes over they put the dog in my room. I, if my dog is staying somewhere and someone comes over, they put the dog in my room. I wouldn't think it's really that big of a deal. I mean, I don't, I don't know. To me, I imagine what it is. I mean, obviously it's so much more than the dog, right? Like this is, this is the dog. It's just an avatar for so many frustrations, but I imagine where the, where the real anger is, is like you didn't like you just left the dog in there.

The room was not made. This was not a safe room for the dog at the moment. I knew I had garbage in there, active garbage. And you weren't even thinking and you didn't even think like where is the dog? Maybe the dog shouldn't be in that room. Maybe the dog needs to be walked wherever. You never take care of this goddamn dog in the first place. Why are you doing this? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I imagine that's probably what was going on. Well, it's not about the dog.

I mean, I think you're, I think you're exactly right. It's not about the dog being in her room and it's not about the meat skewers and it's not about that. It's just like, here's another disaster with Santa fall at the head, at the helm. Nothing but anyone but himself. I think that's what it is, right? Okay.

So she's like, you went, so she says that. And then she tells us, he not only left Maya in my room, he locked her in there for, well, dogs don't have opposable thumbs. It's not like the dog. The dog is like, oh. It's not like the dog in the room is locked. A closed door is a closed door.

You know what I mean? So while she was trapped in there, she ate takeout containers with chicken satay, unaware of whether or not she was about to lose her life trapped in the mound of clothes in that bedroom. She ate whatever she found. The chicken satay skewers from a nightstand. Next year, Brie Larson stars in the feature film, Maya. Brie Larson plays a dog.

Brie Larson trapped in a room, satay. Nothing to eat but dangerous satay. So. And then that carelessness, given what she has now ingested, could have ended her life. So Sandoval's like, dude, you haven't emptied the litter box for your cat in two years.

And then we get- This is it, we're having the litter box fight right now. It's happening, but guess what? Producers are on Ariana's side, cause they're like, wait one second, we have footage. And there it is, footage of Ariana clearing out the litter box. Like-

These poor producers, what emotional trauma they went through this season where they're like, guys, we need to get footage of Ariana cleaning out that kitty litter box. Cause nothing is happening this season. Please. You know that they were like, ah, I don't know if you need to do the need to get that footage. Like, no, trust me this kitty litter footage. There will be a time. There will be a place you don't know when it's going to happen,

but it will be called upon. And they're like, it's happening. Get the kitty litter footage. She's like, I literally emptied the litter box when you were out of town a week ago. You wanna come at me about a litter box when you almost killed my dog? Do not go in my room. Only safe space I have in at home,

cause you wrecked it. I just love love like Ariana, like, cause obviously she has like not talked to sand of all and all this time. And she has lots of rage still pent up because don't forget, this was probably only like two months after that reunion or three, actually, no, the, the Reno was in March. So it was like still like fresh. She hasn't talked. So now it's all just, no, no, no, no, no. Scandival was in March. The reunion was.

But the reunion was filmed in March. Was the reunion in March? No. Yeah. No. Didn't they film it in March? Because Scandival happened in March. So then they picked up cameras. And remember the season aired for a long time before the reunion.

The reunion aired in June. We all knew what was happening while the season was going on, right? We all knew about Scandival while the season was still airing. I thought the reunion filmed famously like late March and that's why it was so incredibly like early April. No, that's what Scandival did,

but it filmed in the spring, just not that early. I don't think it was right after, but it was, I don't know. You know what? I'm speaking like I know, but maybe I'm wrong. It was filmed on March 23rd. No way, it was filmed that soon? Just three weeks after that. That's why they were, that's why they were all going nuts. So I'm, anyway, I'm not trying to, you see how I argue like, what the fuck do I know? And I'm just arguing to the death over it.

Listen, I'm not trying to be an Ariana apologist, you know, like, even though people think people think I'm on team meat skewer. Um, but I am trying to say like, she's clearly, the rage is now just pouring out. And I actually thought it was really funny because she just shuts up sand the ball. Like it's like not a nice way to conduct yourself, but, um, I just thought it was funny. She was like, shut the fuck up. But every time the rest of this episode, he tries to do anything. She just yells at him and he just like slinks away

and I was cracking up. I don't know, maybe that makes me soulless, but I thought it was hilarious. It's so funny how everybody's acting like she's completely gone off the rails. And I mean everybody on the cast. When they were all like this at the reunion. They were all like this.

They were all doing this like literally a month ago, or whatever, whatever it was, and they're acting like, oh my God, I can't believe she's acting crazy. She's the person who's actually involved in it. None of them, it didn't affect the rest of them, and they were still like, how dare you, you funky piece of shit.

Especially Lala and James, who are now like, oh my God, you know. L who are now like, oh my God. Lala especially like, oh my God, get over it already. Yeah, and also I think that the people watching it too are like, oh my God, she needs to relax. She needs to calm down. That's so mean to him. He's trying to grow because people now are like,

this happened so long ago, but the truth is this was filmed only, this is still kind of the thick of it. This was like three or four months after it's had to be two months after that reunion air. This had to be around August, right? So like that's still like in the thick of scandal. So emotions are still super high in this group. And so I think that like for us, it feels like excessive, but it's, I feel like the point of the audience is, you know you're on a show with Tom. So obviously you think you're gonna get everybody else to stop filming with Tom, and that's like your revenge.

Because at the reunion, they were like, fuck Tom. We're all completely team Ariana, mostly because they didn't wanna get canceled. And if you were, if you said anything against Ariana at that time, you were screwed, you know? So I think they were automatically on her side, but they're also on the side of doing a show, and you have to show up and do your show.

And so I think she's like, these people are supposed to all be canceling him, but obviously nothing happened this season. And the producers came to her and were like, listen, you guys have to shoot together. We're not paying you the most out of everybody on this show, which I don't know if they are or not, I'm assuming, but we're not putting another season into this show where everybody's coming back to see the fallout of Scandival. And you guys don't shoot. That's insane.

You have to fucking show up to parties and you have to shoot. So now they're coming and she's losing it. Cause she's like, why the fuck should I have to shoot with him? Well, because you're on a TV show and that's it. But no one said she has to be some polite little, some polite little innocent girl who's not gonna say anything. She still has the right to say fuck you

and that's what we're getting. Yeah, because she like fucking hates this guy. She like hates this guy and I think she's a hundred percent entitled to her hate and you know, then she just like bites his head off and I just think it's great. So she's like, Oh my God, she's taking a pretty big jump from accident to dog murder. Maya's okay. There's no dead dog in the situation.

Hello, I just tried to save the day with ranch. This is ridiculous, man. So I don't think any of this is hilarious, honestly. I hate it. I hate watching people scream. I hate couples watching. Like I said at the opening of the recap, I don't like when you're together

and I don't like when you're apart. I don't like couple fighting. And that's all this is. And to me, it's just like listening to unimportant fights about stupid things I don't care about. Like get out of here. If I were sitting there, I would have hated it because I also don't like when couples fight.

But from watching on TV and watching Sandoval do a whole season of like, whoa is me and like doing fake therapy and, you know, making himself to be the victim and like, oh, what was I supposed to do, man? All this stuff. To finally have someone just like yell at him, I was okay with it.

Yeah, but the thing that's bugging me about it is I know she's playing right into his hands in a way because he's purposely, like then he comes out and he's like, well, why don't you respond to an email? Cause she's going off, she's still in the middle of going off sick and second of all, and second of all. And he's like, why don't you respond to an email then? She goes, second, that's all I said.

Because he's playing right into her hands because now she looks like she's being a total asshole. And now he's the big victim. And I see how it's playing out victim and I see how it's playing out online and I see that he's winning. I see that his stupid immature game plan is totally working and it's making me crazy. It's frustrating just because you see like in the court of public opinion the things that she should be doing to still remain like the queen. But it's frustrating to see that

like you said, she is sort of playing into a narrative where she's the unhinged one and he's just like the sweet one who's just like flawed. But I also hate that people, it's so obvious that that's like, I hate that people just can see that that narrative is there but still then also buy into it and that bothers me. But in terms of just like pure entertainment of having someone on my TV screaming at Tom Sandiball, I loved it. So outside hippie hears all this and is crying, you know,

not enough to not jump all over somebody if they come out there, cause you know his ass well. And then Katie's like, like, like, like, like finding out like you've like made out with like Sheena. That's like, I was like, oh, God, she's gonna try and make this happen. But it's interrupted because I hear the screaming and yelling. And so that's kind of put to a stop. So then back inside Ariana is still yelling, do not respond to me. My email, my lawyer will be responding to your email. Do not speak to me. Do not speak to me. My email, my lawyer will be responding to your email. Do not speak to me. Do not speak to me. Well, he's unprofessional. It's been like over like two months, man.

And Ariana's like, he is so professional and he is going to write you a very well thought out response. Now do not speak to me. So he's like, yeah, for like two months, it better be professional. It's like, why are you talking to me? You left the fucking back door open the other night. One more example of your carelessness and your callousness about what was my dream house for my children. So get the fuck away from me. Don't ever look me in the eye again. You piece of shit.

Yeah. Um, so, uh, let's see. So they go inside and that now Schwartz and Katie come inside and Ariana's talking about how this cost her $6,000 and she had to have it extrapolated from my stomach. And Lala's like, well, shit, he have gone into her room? No, but the dog eating all his disgusting meat on skewers on the side of her bed, that's Ariana's fault.

I mean, throw your trash away. Like, didn't you do a trash bag commercial? I don't know. You may not have to agree with, you don't have to agree with everything Lala says, but that shit was funny. Didn't you do a glad bag commercial, bitch? Get glads, okay?

Yeah, that's, I think it's a really, it's a really strong point. Don't leave your take out. Don't leave your take out out. So then Schwartz calls up Sandoval and he's like, dude, that was heated. He's like, yeah, she called me a dog murderer. I mean, the air conditioner's messed up.

I had to go into the room, beat her and close the door and she ate stuff. Whatever. It's like, yeah, that's what dogs do Like the time that dog ate 500 laxatives who has 500 laxatives where'd all those laxatives come? That's crazy amount of laxative. That is somebody who's planning on pooping Diarrhea Lee For many times a day for a long time. Okay, as a person who plans to poop for a very, very long, long time,

explosively is what I meant to say. 587 laxatives. 500 laxatives coming out of my butt. Season of poop. Schwartz is like, well, this was supposed to be a low key trial run to see if you guys can coexist. He's like, yeah, but see that rain. That's what I dealt with our entire relationship. That terrifying rain.

Hold on, bro. I've been traumatized. It's like so unfair. Like every time I just leave a door wide open to our house and we're not there, or every time I leave out 500 lakhs of pills or like every time I like cheat, she just is so rageful. It's like so fucked up, man.

Can't even cheat on a girl anymore. God. So now Ariana is yelling inside. She's so pissed, you know, and she's finally just yelling at the whole cast and production, basically. She's like, fuck you guys, you know, like I'm not supposed to yell at him, but you keep putting me in these fucking situations basically. So she's like, this is why I don't talk to him.

He put my in my room after I shut the door and I have something on my nightstand and then he shut the door and make sure he's not in there. What do I do every single time. That takeout was meant for mosquitoes and flies only. What were the ants supposed to eat? Poor starving cockroaches. Have you ever seen a line of ants walk up to their food source and it's just gone? The devastation.

What are we supposed to be impressed that they're carrying in a long line? They're a society that you just ruined. So Lala's like, well, you're going to have to have a productive conversation with him. Sort of like me with rants. You know, one thing that I went through in my trauma in, you know, I do have a storyline about cheating as well. If anyone wants to talk about it, I can elaborate some mores. Any ones? Any ones? Any ones? She's like, I'm not having a productive conversation

with a sociopath, a disgusting narcissist, gas lighter, piece of shit fucking person. Yeah, but then you're gonna go home tonight and then it's just gonna be the two of you. Like, what are you gonna do then? She's like, I'm gonna set fire to his ass. Okay, you know what? This is too much hanging out with Katie.

You guys can't just be lighting everybody on fire. I know. She was like, I'm seeing Ariana like this is heartbreaking. You have to like process those emotions and move on with your life. Like you have to physically move somewhere so I can track you with your location. Birds of a feather start people on fire together.

There, you heard it here first. So she knows like how's the pizza and Dana just rolls her eyes. I'm glad Dana's back because Katie really needs the support of that. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, she's a standup comic. So Ariana's like, she's like, and now I'm mad at you again by association Schwartz. He's like, oh. I love that Ariana is now in an and you, and you,

and you mode. But she kind of laughs about it. She's like, okay, then get out of here then, bye. And then she laughs. And then he just like goes. Leads. So Schwartz is like, okay, then bye. Katie, call me, give me a call.

I think I'll start cracking up. I really hope that backstage at Chicago, Ariana's wearing a turban because she's really stepping into her theater turban moment right now. She's got the attitude here, she's now on Broadway, all she needs is that turban and she'll be complete. Yeah, she is having her Sally Field and Soap Dish moment.

Yeah. So the next day, the song is, I got money on my wrist. I got money on my wrist. I got money on my wrist. Congrats on your new Apple watch, bro. Like move it the fucking long. Are we really writing songs about Apple watches now?

So Katie is sitting on our couch and she's like, are we going to Sheena's beach day or are we just gonna like fake our dads? She's texting Ariana. So then ants attack an open orange on the ground. This was odd. They, well, they need a new food source. Like guys, new plan.

We're going vegetarian. No more satay. Now it's time for citrus. We were talking on Below Deck about how they were using so many odes to HBO shows. And this one is continuing it with the True Blood opening. Wasn't it the True Blood opening where they just kept showing things decaying and dying

and just showing like bugs eating all the fruit? I have never seen, I've never seen True Blood. It wasn't six feet under. I think that was that opening. It wasn't six feet under. I think that was that opening. It wasn't six feet under with its funeral home motif. No, no. Okay, so I feel like I got that wrong, but you know what, too late.

So she- You're like, where's Mr. Belvedere? That's the depth. Wasn't it one day at a time? I want to open this with only things decomposing, please. That's the only way I'll do this show. Also, I'd love to wear a cardigan the entire time. It's like, no, it's just like the FX reboot

of Mr. Belvedere where it's like really adult. It's like, streaks on the china. Now, Mr. Belvedere is like standing in the hallway while the family eats, just masturbating while he watches. It's called, just called Belvedere. He's like masturbating and then crying and then like doing heroin upstairs and they're like, for your consideration for comedy.

Belvedere. So Lala is doing a shaker weight thing and that stupid song Money on My Wrist is still playing. Oh, and we see Sandoval taking out the trash, which I guess is supposed to be some moral point for him. I mean, they're really working hard on this show. Like, look who knows how to take out the trash, which I guess is supposed to be some moral point for him. I mean, they're really working hard on this show. Like, look, who knows how to take out the trash? Santa of all.

Brock is feeding Summer and he's like, guess what me and mommy are doing tonight? No, say work, say work, say work. Having fun. Yeah. You also have a good time, don't you, Summer? Cause we love you and we want you to have a good time with your new friends. So now just here comes nighttime and he puts the big hat over Summer.

So she's quiet. Did you hear that Brock, the rumor that Brock is cheating with some Australian, some Australian influencer? That was the rumor online that he was, did not hear that. That he was doing hear that he was doing DMS or something, trading his sexy DMS with us. Now, did I research this? I did not. Do you know how I know about this?

Cause I read about it in the comments of crappy hour. So sorry for spreading any defamation if none of that, I'm assuming none of it's true because we would have heard by now, but, um, that's okay. I just put it out there on the platform and- Well, I just felt like, you know, people are talking about it, we have to say it. I wouldn't be surprised if Brock was cheating, but I've always thought he's gonna cheat. My big worry was that he was gonna bang Lala,

who lives next door to them in Palm Desert or wherever they are, Palm Springs. Yeah. So basically, Sheena's like, I'm really bummed that Gab Gabby isn't more available to like be like a baby. And Brock's like, yeah, well, it's difficult. But once we find something like it'll be with it, she's like, I just hate going back to

the drawing board. He's like, what drawing board? We've literally, we literally never asked anyone. Are we question? Are we about to draw? Is that what you're saying? Nicole Plunge. Where I come from, we don't draw with crayons. We use sticks.

You did it. Let's do that. We stick sticks into wallaby poo. And then he tells us again that before COVID he was like a totally successful businessman. So maybe he can get back to that guys. And then, um, she knows like, did you invite Tom to this beach day? And she goes, we need to un-invite him. Okay.

After last night, because everyone's invited and if she can't handle that, she shouldn't be going to places to be that triggered. You need to fix it. What I saw was not okay. Like, didn't you slap your spouse? I mean, listen, I believe in people having the opportunity to change and grow. Maybe it's too soon to throw stubs, is all I'm saying. Well, I'm curious if like, I mean, like,

I'm assuming that they had like no interaction at home. Like, I like, if I could only like hack into their Ring Cam, I could really get to the bottom of this. Dun dun dun, he's home, he's home, honey. I'm doing the emo remix at the Ringcam jingle. So I love that this whole time he's doing makeup on summer. It's so cute. I know.

So he goes, well, who's the one yelling? It was Ariana. And she goes, yeah, but it's because of him. And he goes, why, what did he do? Walk past her, these are adults we're talking about. She's like, oh my God, do you want me to explain it to you or do you want to cut it off? Oh, hold on, clotheslines.

Do you understand how like sometimes you get like heated really quick, like really quick. So like, who the fuck are you to judge Ariana for getting heated at someone she hates who put her dog in the hospital cause the dog ate her leftover garbage that she had sitting on her nightstand for four days? Well she should do it for her own sanity cause she's not, you know, it's not like she's gonna give him a pardon or anything.

It's like you know what? Like what Sandoval did was the best thing to ever happen to Ariana. I mean it's brought so much wealth and so much prosperity and opportunity to her life. But if I say that, she's gonna cut me out. I love only people on this show would be like, that is the luckiest girl of all time. Lala is like, that girl really got cheated on in the best way fucking puffing off.

Lucky girl. So now we go back to Tom and Ariana's and Ariana is like opening a dress box and they're just like, um, oh, so this lady, her interior designer comes over cause remember they are inventorying what Ariana paid for and everything. So they start going through all this stuff and it turns out that like Ariana has paid for a lot of the furniture and she's like, oh,

Sandoval thought that he could just like make this offer and I was just going to leave and leave all the furniture I paid for at home, but no, I'm going to find out every single piece and how much I paid for it. So there's no loopholes where he can fuck me over. So, um, they start going through everything and then we see memories that are attached to each piece of furniture. Like Tom getting a haircut, Tom, the first time he ever read about a Phillips you bulb, you know,

Tom, uh, on a treadmill. So they basically, they can just go through all this stuff and, um, it's like, she's going to write an email. Her, her lawyer is basically gonna write like an add it all up and send an email to Sandoval as the counter offer. Please don't kill my vibe right now. Please don't kill my vibe right now. If you're not gonna have fun, get out. That's the song.

So James and Brock are carrying things on the beat, those big tent things and putting those up. And Katie, everybody starts coming, you know, and Schwartz is like, oh my God, ready to get it. Oh no, Sheena says, ready to get a drink thrown in your face Schwartz? And then we my God, ready to get it. Oh no, Sheena says, ready to get a drink thrown in your face Schwartz. And then we see a flashback to the last time

they were on the beach and getting in the fight about, hey, is this better than Richella? Uh-huh. This is gonna be like beach day or redemption. Like nothing could possibly go wrong today. So Ali Baat-E is like, is he gonna come? Is Sander Ball coming? And Ariat is like, is he gonna come? Is sandalball coming? And Ariana's like, I'm pretty sure when I was getting ready to leave, he had this stripey

crochet thing in the dryer. Katie, would you do the honors? Up there it is, the stripey thing in the dryer, walking up the beach right now. Sup, bro? Sup, everybody? Yeah, he's wearing his crochet top. Ariana's like, dead man walking, dead man walking, fucking dog murdering asshole. She set up like a little barrier of skewers around the tent, like good luck getting in.

So they are like in there and Ariana's talking about, she loves bitchin' sauce, I guess, are they eating sandwiches? I don't remember. I don't know. So then, Sandoval's like, nice necklace, dude. Sandoval's wearing that toy necklace still. Like, he's trying to Harry Styles so bad. It's just as bad.

So James is like, I want- It barely works on Harry Styles. Can we just be honest, okay? He kind of made it popular, so it kinda works on him. The rest of you, just stop on Bravo, please. I mean, what's next, the butterfly wings on your fucking chest, like the guy on below deck bed? I can't with you guys.

All right, everyone, here are the rules, okay? I'm drawing a line in the sand. Literally, Ali-Bali, did you laugh? Did you laugh? Laugh, Ali. Okay, guess what? This side is Sandoval's side, and this is Ariana's side. Everyone stand at your own sides. Oh my God. Oh, sorry, I guess I write Schwartz and Sheena. Okay, guess what? This side is Sandoval side, and this is Ariadna side. Everyone's standing in sides.

Oh my God. Oh, sorry. I get, I write Schwartz and Sheena. I write Sheena, S-C-H, and I write Schwartz, S-C-W. So I sometimes get them confused when we're in the same scene, sorry. So she, he's like, Sheena, I got you something. She's like, oh my God, but you got me Capri side. I love Capri side.

So I was out the other night and I met this girl who like puts on singles events in LA and it's like, and Schwartz is like, oh yeah, I signed up for it. It's like, they're going to a singles event. That's so funny. Ali-Bali, isn't that the funniest thing you've ever heard in your life, Ali-Bali?

Wanna come, Katie? With you? Yeah, it'd be my date to singles night. I mean, as long as it's not Max. Cause that already happened. Ironically, I think that brought us closer together, right Katie? She goes, how? Cause we're the same, Katie.

She's like, no, we are not the same. Cause you were getting it the entire time we were together. Yeah, but like, from a statistical standpoint, I was pretty faithful. I mean, 12 years, 365 days a year, that's like almost 380 minutes. Like basically nothing. Like we, that's like I had nothing. I cheated on you as many times as we had sex.

It was like nothing. And she's like, ugh, bad joke, I get it. So sound of awe, did you know that Sheena and Schwartz kissed in Vegas? What do you think of that? He goes, uh, yeah, I didn't know about that. And then we see a clip of Schwartz telling La La,

yeah, apparently I told Tom because he was riffing on it the other day, you know? Really bringing it up a lot, laughing about it. You know how he is. These two, they've always got each other's backs. So, Katie's like, wow, you guys really did keep a secret. Yeah, like I literally forgot about it. Like I like buried it because like literally every guy in this group has flirted with me

at some point and John Mayer too. God, oh, did I say that part out loud? Whoops, my body's a wonderland. Whoops, did I say that again? Oh my God, here's a clipping of John, of, of, of John Mayer back in those days. Oh my God, I'm going wild. Okay. Even you, Sandoval, even you flirted with me. Other headlines I've read is that John Mayer denies

ever being with Sheena and is getting annoyed that she keeps trying to continue it. The only person John Mayer hasn't fucked, apparently. Like that's gotta be embarrassing when John Mayer is like, you know what, I've literally fucked half this population. I've fucked more people than McDonald's has served burgers to, but I don't claim that one. So I think actually she dodged a bullet.

So Sandoval is like, it's more like I was the recipient of flirtyness. Sheena and Brock is like, oh, is that what you told Raquel when you saw that whole thing? Oh, God. So they do stop. That's like, dude, stop. That's just such a low hanging fruit. And Ariana's like, um, could you have this conversation not in front of me? Cause it's fucking disgusting. Yeah, let's do that.

Let's do that. It's like, well, yeah, let's do that. That's fucking on you. It's on you. And he's like, I was there. I didn't bring it, but I didn't even breathe my operiana. Yeah, but the only reason it's disgusting is because you made it disgusting.

So go have it somewhere else. So Shor's like, okay guys, let's have a breather. It's gonna be a good day. It's gonna be a really good day. Brock's like, drool that line again. Brock, stop with your fucking messiness. Geez, how much are they paying Brock for this season? Brock, you're the one who blurted that line.

So Katie's like, Santa Valle, I heard Anne's out of a job. She's like, no, I didn't fire her. I just like, well, I just like told her to take a couple of days off, that's it, and never to come back, that's all, but not fired. Well, if she's not there to mediate between the two of you, who does that for you?

She's like, well, I haven't had to cross that bridge. But who's looking after Maya? And she's like, well, it's not like Anne's Maya's sitter or anything. Yeah, but like, do you feel like she's safe right now? She's like, yeah, she's safe. So Schwartz is, I mean, Schwartz is like, well, you guys are both dog and cat parents.

That's pretty cool. You guys want to talk? You guys want to talk about that? Come on. And I was like, no, I am the parent because they're mine, but he is not. So Sandoval's like, no, that's not true. She was like, yeah, I paid the adoption fee, so I bought her. And he's like, and so James is like, you're going to fight, bro. You're going to fight. And then I was like, yeah, because she paid the adoption fee. That's like, and so James is like, you're gonna fight it, bro, you're gonna fight it. And then he's like, yeah, can she pay the adoption fee? That thing is so sad of her. Oh, it's like the one bill that Ariana paid.

And so Ariana's like, she's mine. I'm the only one who's ever taken her for a walk. The only one that's ever given her a bath so you can suck my dick. So Santa Ball's like, well, according to your rules, Ariana, since you found her and did the paperwork, my people found the house and my people did the loan. She's like, I mean, her money paid for the house,

you fucking twit, this guy's such an idiot. So she's like, do not speak to me, literally stop, literally do not, do not literally, literally stop speaking, literally stop it, literally. Anything I do or say is triggering for her. I had this delusional idea that would be even more civil than Tom and Katie. I'm like, what part of you cheating on your girlfriend

with her best friend would ever make you think it would lead to a more civil situation, especially when you claim that she is rageful every time you open up a can of mustard or something like that. Where are you guys going for a piss? Because Tom's going off to be all sad. You know, he's like, I'm gonna like stare,

I'm gonna like stare while the wind blows through my crochet top and I'm gonna do this. Eh, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee journal. So Lala and other Logan show up and she's like, Hi, everyone. How's your doing? How's everyone going? And Ariana's like, well, he's trying to say all this shit about me. And this is why I will not be doing this again. But you guys keep doing it. Keep trying to do this. I was like, what? This is already already? We're like, I'm like only five minutes late. So Ariana is saying, like, he's just sitting there talking shit and he ruined my entire life literally. And do me a favor, keep me away from him. And Brock's like, we have, and he's over there with his tail between his legs all summer. And she's like, no, it's not between his legs because he's talking shit. And he goes, yeah, but he's talking

shit with his voice because his tail is between his legs and he can't talk with that. She's like, well, whatever. He's like, yeah, also tails don't talk. It's like, where's this fight going to? Which is funny because when you talk a lot, some say you're telling a tale. Oh, it's so confusing. This build differently. It's crazy. I know. That's all take a moment just to think about it for a second. All right. Listen, let's turn this into a toy factory. Anybody got some water to pour over this end?

It's not quite as good as sand, but it'll do. So she's like, he's really comfortable talking shit and none of you guys put him in check and it's really disrespectful. And James is like, I'm not saying she needs to forgive and forget, but I think it'd be better to release this anger. She would be more at peace with herself or just have a lot of ice cream and weed. And so she's just like, you guys have to step up and be men and be like, bro, shut the fuck up. She's like, yeah, he's such a misogynist.

He needs men to tell him to shut up because he only respects men. And you have to say, shut up and take it. Cause you're the one in the wrong here. Well, I mean, that's not going to happen. I get, I get that you want people to stand up for you, but I think that, I think that you had the reunion and like a quarter of this season. And I think there's a grace period where they're just all like, no, yeah, it's over, we've got to shoot. So let's, let's do something.

Come on. Brock's like, you think he's not taking it? He left, he's over there moping in a very demonstrative way. And Lala's like, he's in defense modes, okay? So anything you say within your shots, he's gonna react to. And Ariane is like, I don't care. Tell him to shut the fuck up.

And Lala, I don't need you to play devil's advocate, okay? Cause the devil has enough advocate. He has his own movie called the devil's advocate, okay? And Lala's like, I don't think I'm playing the devil's advocate. She's like, yeah, well, he is the devil and you're being his advocate. Um, I understand he was being an uber douche, but this was like the most devastating breakups. And at what point do you choose inner peace? Because he didn't win. Look at his life's you once. So this, I think, is the whole point, right? Where she's like, he's never going to be sorry, remorseful.

And you guys keep shoving him down my throat. And what do you think I'm going to do? Say, wow, best beach day ever. Like when I have to sit here while he throws jabs at me. Like, what do you expect? Yeah, that is the point. She is clearly like, she clearly, I think that like she, this is such a, she is still so deeply hurt by the situation and I think she's trying to play

the reality show game of like, whatever, I will show up to the shop because like these are my friends and I don't want to fuck up my job and my money because of this douche bag. But I don't think she is like not ready to do this. I think that she needs to have like a breather. I think she should take a season off and she needs to heal and like then she can come back and be fabulous. Well, I don't think she'll come back anyway, right? Well, if you're hosting that other show,

Love Island or whatever, Love is Blind on Islands. Well, Love Island, the host does not actually do that much. It's not like you're on there every episode. I think that what happens is you fly out there, you'll be there for like a day, then you fly back. So she can, I think they can work that out with the schedule, but I just think that, the truth is, like you were saying before,

that one of the reasons why the audience is frustrated is because it's like ultimately there's a show to shoot and people need to shoot, you know, people need to like participate in scenes and that is true and you need to do that. And I don't, she's clearly not like, this is not working for her. Like cause rightfully so, cause she is forced to have to be nice and to like share time and space with someone who hurt her on such a deep level. Like I wouldn't want to do that.

I would be furious. So I think that she just needs to like have some healing time and then she can come back. Well, I wish she'd just left this season and then come back a season later as like, Danan and at the return of Ariana, you know? Right. But then if you see, you see the ankles coming out of the car very slowly. And well, I think that's what she had to be there this season because she was so white hot when the reunion ended. Bravo was like, I'm sure like,

you have to come back. And she also probably was like, why should I leave like my gig because of his father? Yeah, that too. Like, why am I going to give up this huge bag of money because of that fuck, you know? But now that she has other bags of money, I say take a year. Right, but there, you know, this is still a big bag of money. It's just like, I don't care how many bags of money you have.

This has got to be a pretty big bag, you know? So it's not up to her to necessarily leave. But if you are going to stay for the money, you're not just given that money for fucking free, you've gotta shoot a show. And she is shooting it. She's not shooting it the way everybody wants her to, I'm sure, but she is still showing up and shooting it.

It's just... And I'm falling into the trap that I just said people are falling into, which is like, also let's not forget that this was a year ago, basically, like nine, 10 months ago. And maybe now for the next season, she's in a new place where she could actually, she can shoot scenes with him and like be part of this ensemble in a way that's not like forcing people to take sides. So who knows? BF Yeah, time will tell everybody.

CB Time will tell. We are going to be back with The Valley with a tremendous episode of The Valley if you ask me. Wow what an episode. So stay tuned for that and thanks everyone for being here and for listening and we will catch you on the next one. Bye! Sponsors ain't no thing like Alice and King Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila. She's a Daniela itchles Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickle-less She's never scary. It's the green fairy Jamie. She has no less name II have a Nagila Weber Know your worth with Jason Kurt. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer wing Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing.

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