Watch What Crappens - #2380 The Valley, Part 1: Capri Stunned

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

*This is part 1*The Valley (S01E03) launches us into drama from the first second and doesn’t let up until the credits. It’s a wild dinner party episode with allegations of homophobia, racism, and Republicanism! Yikes!  Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Watch What Crappins! Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins, the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the one and only Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi everybody. Sit down, everybody. Sit down. Sit down. Sit down. Come on. Wow. We're very excited today because we get to recap the valley, which had quite a big third episode. This is episode three, I believe, right? Maybe it was four.

I can't remember. But we're going to get into that before we do just a reminder. We are doing some shows next month in less than a month or actually a month from today. We are doing Netflix as a joke at the Cookebara Lounge here in Hollywood. So go get your tickets for that. And also later in the month, we will be in London and Dublin and Birmingham. That's in Europe, guys. Go to watch our crap is dot com to get your tickets for that. That's going to be all four shows are going to be just stupendous.

And don't forget, you can sign up at Patreon, Patreon dot com slash watch. A crap ends. You get access to Crappins on Demands. You can see our beautiful faces today. Additionally, we have a bonus episode that you can also get via Patreon. We did a trailer trash breakdown shot by shot, scene by scene of the House of the Dragon trailer. Because House of the Dragon is back. And I'm pretty sure I called Egon, I called Emon Egon the entire time, but his name, but it was Emon.

Sorry, I mixed up Emon and Egon. I can't believe I did that. It's hard to believe that one could possibly do that, but I did the entire time. So- We should just be calling them all Joe. Hey, it's Joe. Joe.

It's Joe. Yeah, we, you know, every time we announce that we did that trailer trash, we need to apologize because we don't remember shit that happened. I mean, really House of the Dragon was on 18 years ago in Watcher Crappen's time. Okay, it was a long ass time ago. I don't remember half that shit. I mean, half the plot Ben was telling me.

I was like, that happened? I forgot. I forgot the dragon was originally promised to another girl and somebody stole the dragon and some dude got his eye poked out by a little kid. And then, I mean, there's a lot. So it's gonna be one of the most frustrating things that you listen to, but we really just like talking about the ladies' hair and the sets

and who's like the most fuckable on that show. So if you like that kind of discussion, go give it a listen. I mean, to be fair, I don't think it's really our fault that we had a hard time remembering what happened on that show. So if you like that kind of discussion, go give it a listen. I mean, to be fair, I don't think it's really our fault that we had a hard time remembering what happened on that show, given that like 75% of that show

was just like pitch black. It was just like you're watching a black screen and then all the characters have the same name and it happened like five years ago. So like if we can't remember it very well, that's on HBO, it's not on us. Yeah, that's why I normally It's not on us. Yeah. That's why I normally binge shows like that.

I wait till a few seasons are out and then I watch a bunch of them at one time because I just forget. So in this case, we can't do that, obviously. So it's a little different. But anyway, super fun. We're excited for that to come back. Also, Ben, we need to have a discussion, you and I.

Oh, really? About the Valley. And maybe I should do this while we're not recording. I feel like I'm in trouble. I feel like I'm in trouble. No, no, no. I have an active bitch. There's no resting bitch in me. I'm a complete active bitch at all time. Ronnie is holding like a little folder and is welcoming me into his office. Here, take a seat. We're just going to have a little private conversation then.

Well, I am twirling a pen in my mouth between my teeth, which means you might be getting fired today, Ben, from the job that you created for yourself. Um, the board has convened Bueller. Bueller, if you want Ben out of this job, be asleep right now. Bueller's sleeping, you're out. Okay, a lot, we weren't gonna cover Vanderpump Villa because it's not on the channel. I knew you were gonna fucking do this.

I knew you were gonna push Vanderpump Villa. I know, but it's not on the channel. And not only that. Because one person tweeted. Not one person, a lot of people are like, oh my God, Vanderpump Villa, oh my God. Now here's the problem. There's already three episodes of it out,

so I don't know how we're supposed to do that. But I feel, I don't know, I feel like we're supposed to be doing it. Like I feel like it's our job, but then what do we not cover on Bravo? Because there's so many things on the air, like what do we not cover? I don't feel like we can get rid of anything.

So what do we do? You know, a lot of people also similarly told me that the season two of buying Beverly Hills is like amazing. And as- I can't take any more, Kyle. Okay, great. So I can't take any more Vanderpump shows. So there we go.

Okay, then we solved it. Neither one of us is willing to bend. I'm totally, I watched some of Vanderpump Villa today, actually. And I watched the preview and the opening credits, then we had to start recording. I'm not opposed to Vanderpump Villa. I just am like, we are doing eight shows a week.

And I think that like at a certain point, I'm sorry. I'm at every show that we don't do, people say, why aren't you doing it? At a certain point, we just have to draw a line. I'm sorry. You know what? Let's just wait for another pandemic. And then when the pandemic hits, we'll go back

and we'll do buying Beverly Hills and we'll do Vanderpump Villa. And you when the pandemic hits, we'll go back and we'll do buying Beverly Hills and we'll do Vanderpump Villa. And you know what? Okay, well that's solved. I'm glad we had this meeting. If Hulu wanted us to cover it, they would have sent us screeners too.

Let's be honest. I always pulled that card. I know, I always pulled that card. It's like, if you want us to do it. Okay, so that solved that. Okay, we're not covering it. Okay, let's get onto the valley, the valley downing Doty.

Downing Doty. Let's talk about miserable people in a hot place. Yes, let's talk about how shocking it is that there are Republicans in the valley. I mean, literally, is anybody shocked? And also there's Republicans all over LA. They're just all closeted, by the way. Yeah.

So. This. So. This is true. Unless you're Tom Selleck, but, or James Woods, but you know what's, I thought, I mean, this was a great episode I thought, but I also thought this was, they were really rude to our poor resident gay because all last episode,

they're teasing Zach, screaming in the kitchen I did not say that how could you even say that I said that and so I was like teasing building up this whole thing we get to the end of the last episode and you know Brittany's like oh what about the shit that you're trying to brew up Christian and then we see five minutes later Zach being shut up I did not say that and then it goes to be continued so So you're like, okay, so this week we're going to see how shit went like left at this party. But then we come back and we literally never see it.

And they give us like a few tiny flashbacks. Why would they cut out this big situation? I don't know, but I wanted to see Zach run to the kitchen and then hide there because that was so funny to me. It was the best part that Zach ran to the kitchen to get away and then was just screaming from inside the kitchen at everybody else, but still being too much of a wist to go outside. Listen, Zach, you can't be surprised you're attacked when you have hair like one of the

turtles in Mario Brothers. People just want to jump on your jump on your head and then toss you at an enemy. That's just, you've got to change the wig, dude. It's gonna engender hostility. Seriously, Max is gonna show up with a mushroom haircut. He's just gonna keep going down the Super Mario path and then wonder why he's being victimized at every turn. He really got off Scott free with this episode

because he, he stirred up a lot of shit. I mean, Kristen got, you know, was accused of stirring up a lot of shit, but it was Zach who actually stirred up the most shit. And then he did not get, he stayed out of it. I don't know how he did that. He just stayed in the corner making faces. He was making the, the next,

the nosy next door neighbor face from bewitched. Yeah. Just kept making that face like the Koopa Troopa head. So what's the neighbor's name? I don't know. I want Mrs. Kravitz. Yeah. Mrs. Kravitz.

Mrs. Osmotic too. From Alf, why not? Who's that? Oh, from Alf. She not? Who's that? Oh, from Alf. She was the next door neighbor who was like, is there an alien? So we start with Jax and Brittany and Sherry at the farmer's market. So I was like, wait, but what about the big fight? What's happening here?

And they're like walking through and they're like buying stuff and everything. And the lemonade, Sherry can't believe that lemonade's in LA costs $8. And she's like, I guess we're not in Kentucky anymore. Oh my God. Britney's yucks were the worst today. And she's just getting worse by this. She literally is just walking around all love fires. We know you love fairs. Are you opening your own fair? Why is every week a circus theme on this show? The first week was the party that they had that was a fair theme. Last week they went to the circus and this year they're at another fair. Oh, well, I guess this is the farmer's market.

But it has a fair vibe. Close enough. You need to bring the farmer's market into it. We get it, you're Southern, okay? So now they're talking about dad's mom out and mom's nine out. And Brittany's like, hey, boys not go, when the diet's not out. And he's like, it was pretty fucked up, you know?

So I told you I invited Alex, you know? And I talked to Luke when I got there. He was like, why would I give this guy a chance? You know, like, why would I be friends with X and my girlfriend, you know? She's like, yeah, well, Chris and Sarah talking to Jasmine and Zach, and I feel like I was in the middle

trying to take off for you, it blew! He's like, where? Sorry, I shouldn't say blow around you. I know better. It blew up is what I'm trying to say. Yeah, and she was like, are you kidding me? I don't want my ex-boyfriend around me or my fucking family.

Like what is so fucking difficult for him to understand? Like I turned into a whole thing. Flashback. And Brittany's like, Jax, Kristen, Jax is just trying to help you, Kristen. You know, Kristen starts bringing up that Janet told Jasmine that Michelle was racist and a Republican and all this crap. And I was like, wait, what? What happened? I know. Kristen said that Janet told Jasmine that Michelle was, I was like, I had to go back just a few times just to get the sentence straight in my head.

So now we see a flashback and Kristen's going, what, what am I stirring up? Huh? The truth that Jana told you, that Michelle is like probably a Republican and like she's probably racist. Like that's the shit that Jana was saying. So, you know, the shoulder hitting her on the head. the head I mean poor Kristin I'm surprised that she can even

still hear after knocking herself right in the ear bone with that fucking shoulder all these years yeah here she is and then we see Jasmine getting up and being like fuck you she's like you know Kristin I swear to God you are not look at me you are not gonna see that Janet told me she's a racist and then and then bring this like oh my god is this a marble rolling pin this is amazing i never saw that in the show jack's like that's that's not gonna fly like that's definitely not gonna fly by the way i mean one of the odds that jacks is a closet Republican, he definitely is, right? So- Oh my god, a hundred percent. Right? You know, I don't think that he probably pays enough attention to politics to really know. But I think he's one of those who's like, you know what, I'm not voting for the guy, but I love a real straight shooter like, like Trump, just saying, just saying guys,

just saying. I think he's, I think there's a part of it that he would vote for Trump just because he's, he's angling for a celebrity apprentice to come back someday. He's like, I know it's gonna come back. I want to be ready for it, man. So Brittany's like, she's like, well, I wonder how Michelle's feeling today after she brought that up in her own home and said that about her. Somebody got called a Republican in their own home. You're from Kentucky. I mean, Brittany acting like she's never met a Republican before.

Hilarious. By the way, notice Sherri staying real quiet. She said, Mom, walk over there with your $8 lemus. We're about to talk about Republicans, okay? Now, I don't want you coming in here and being a Republican. All right. So now we go to Jesse Michelle's house. Michelle's like, I haven't slept.

You have no idea what happened last night. Like the first time in my life, I've ever heard my name associated with these words. She said, Janet said, Michelle is a racist and a Republican. And Jesse's like racist and Republican. Should we tackle first? They have to be together. Meanwhile, we're like three seconds in the episode. I was like, what is going on in this episode already?

Like we are just launched into this. This is the most LA fight ever though. Oh my God, somebody called you a Republican. Like in your home, in your own home. You're gonna have to go away for a while. So Michelle's like, yeah, I'm still shocked to be honest with you. I'm like completely shocked.

And Jessie's like, what the fuck is wrong with her calling you a Republican? Oh my God. She's like, I just don't know what's even wrong with her. And then Isabella is like, calm down, don't say fuck. And they're like, you don't say fuck. She's like, fuck you, mom. And Jessie's like, sorry, I keep saying fuck around you,

but it's my vocabulary, all right? Now, if you'd fucking have paid attention to your fucking tricycle, maybe I wouldn't be this angry. Fucking Brad. We got you some fucking training wheels. You didn't even fucking use them, you fucking little, stupid little three-year-old. So Michelle's like, we have a daughter.

We don't say that word. You can't say that anymore, because then she starts saying it and she's like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He's like, no, we don't say that anymore because then she starts saying it and she's like, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. He's like, no, we don't say that word. She goes, but you say it every day. And he's like, I know, I know, but when you do it is funny but when I do it, it's wrong. So Michelle's just basically super upset

because Janet wouldn't say that or else she wouldn't be her friend if she was really racist and Republican. And hello, I'm the one that's first generation Mexican and first generation Persian. Okay, well, you can still be racist. I don't- You can still be racist as hell.

That's not a joke. I feel like that is such a thing of the past few years where people are like, guess what? BLM, I'm a POC. It's like, you're half Mexican. What are you fucking talking about? It's not the same thing. Like everybody is trying to just lump each other.

It's like everybody's trying to get off in these social arguments by saying, I'm a POC. It's like, you're an American. 80% of us are a little bit something. It doesn't mean you can't be racist and ignorant, okay? Can we just stop this? Everybody across the board. I don't know. I'm mad at everybody. It's like that book. Everybody poops. Everyone can be a little racist.

Everyone from south or the song from Avenue Q. Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes. But in this case though, um, she's just like, I, I think what she's trying to say is I understand what it's like to be judged by the color of your skin or from what group you're in. So I would never do that to someone else, which by the way, also is also that, yeah, by the way. Um, so, uh, Jesse's like, well, you should call Janet and be like, did you fucking say this? You fucking little fuck fuck.

Sorry, Isabella So she does shoot Michelle facetimes Janet and she's like hi. Do you have a minute? I have a super important question I want you to be completely honest about it Kristen said that you think that I'm like a racist and a Republican. So And she's like, what? Okay, that's like complete like bullshit

to throw around an accusation like that. I need to have a conversation with her because that makes me like furious with her. Like that word and like your name has never come out of my mouth at the same sentence, okay? Never. I have to put up a boundary with Kristin. Okay, so she goes into this story,

by the way, her eyebrows are distracting. I just had to say it. I normally wanna leave people alone because I feel like she's pregnant and like she doesn't need me coming for her eyebrows, but they're distracting me. So anyway, back to this. She's very upset because she's been close

to Kristin for years and she had to put up a boundary because her relationship with Alex was so fucking crazy, and it was making her crazy. And so the second she put up a boundary, which means I don't want to hear your shit for three hours a day, we've all had to put up that boundary, Kristin turned on her. I was like, oh really? You're not my friend? Oh really? You chose Alex? Oh really? And just, you know, shouldered herself into the ear enough that she was psychotic about it. Right. And so now she says like anytime that Kristen has the opportunity to kind of throw me under the bus, she does.

Which by the way, if we go back to that party, wasn't Kristen didn't just like come out and be like, Hey guys, I want to tell you all something. Wasn't it? Brittany was like, I've you been trying to stir up some trouble and Brittany kind of actually pushed that out into the four, right? If you think about it, Kristen was the one telling them so that they would bring it out on camera. Right. I mean, who knows? So, uh, Jack, I just want to say like,

I just want to make sure Brittany gets hit with this stick a little bit too. You know, that's all not trying to unstick Kristen gets hit with this stick a little bit too, you know? That's all. Not trying to unstick Kristen, but let's get a little bit on Brittany too. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap in commercial. So, uh, Janet is like, this is like, this is like a whole new low, even for Kristen. And Michelle goes, and it's even for Kristen and Michelle goes.

And it's interesting for her to say that and you, when you're like the only person there that night, like you're the only one who's not there that night and she said that about you, right? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay. So Michelle's like, yeah, I don't even know what happened. And then the boys night went out, Alex was there, so, you know, she's triggered. And then Janet's like, well, that's very typical for Kristen. And what I think is that she doesn't want Alex's side

of their breakup shared. So now she's saying, because Kristen's opinion on Alex changed pretty quickly because she met Luke and suddenly made herself the victim in this relationship when Janet heard all about this relationship and Kristen was crazy in this relationship. But then once she got dumped and couldn't freeload off the guy anymore, then it changed to he's a narcissist.

And she started using all the code word, you know, the, what would you call them? Like the social. The buzzwords, pop psychology. Buzzwords, yeah, pop psychology buzz word, you know, the, uh, right. What would you call them? Like the social buzzwords, pop psychology, yeah. Pop psychology buzzword. You know? Yeah. She was like, uh, like as soon as she got with Luke, all of a sudden Alex became like a narcissist and he was awful. Da da da da da. Which by the way, I do think like if you're with someone who's shitty and then you're with someone

who's actually much better, you are, you do sometimes get hindsight, like, wait a second, I've just been with a piece of shit all this time. So like I'm, I'm okay with Kristen having a little bit of a pivot there, but that being said, we do know that she's probably the one. I'm like, I listen, I'm not like, I like Kristen. I'm glad to see her back on TV, you know, in a way, even though that's probably problematic to say in itself, but listen, I'm enjoying Kristen.

I'm giving her no leeway here because it's fucking Kristen. And I'm not gonna forget that Kristen is Kristen, okay? And this guy Alex, I think everyone's mean to him because he's not like the hottest guy. He's like this big, tall, oafy guy who probably didn't bathe before he came to the circus night or whatever. And, you know, like just looks sloppy playing skeeball. No one likes a sloppy skeeballer. And I think that everyone's being mean to him because he's not hot. And

you know, maybe we don't know what Alex has going on. I mean, according to Alex, Kristin got rid of her house because she was broke as hell and then just moved in and freeloaded off of him and stuff. So maybe that ended in Kristin got mad. I don't know. I tend to be on Kristin's side more because I know her through the, you know, know her from the show or whatever, but it's Kristen. So I'm not gonna put all my bets down on the table yet. So Janet says that like,

I think like as soon as Kristen heard that the guys were with Alex and without her, she pulled something insane out of her ass. Like she says like, I feel like you and I are both collateral damage in that. It's not cool. Like she says, like, I feel like you and I are both collateral damage in that. It's not cool. I had a, but Kristen wasn't like, Oh, you decided like jazz decided to stir up shit by inviting my ex to like, to basically to confront Luke with my ex at, at, at guys night. Kristen didn't then say, well, guess what? Let me tell you this, Michelle. Again, it was Brittany

who said, I think Kristen, you've been stirring up a lot of shit, because Kristen was like, Brittany, that is so fucked up of Jax. I can't believe Jax is doing that. And Brittany was the one who was like, oh, well, you know what? I'll talk about fucked up. Look at what you did.

And so she is the one who kind of like brought this to the fore when it wasn't even on the table as part of this fight. And you know what makes Brittany even worse in this situation? She was throwing Kristen under the bus when it was really her friend, Zach, who started this shit. That's true.

And she was trying to protect Zach by throwing Kristen under the bus. That's what I'm saying here. Brittany really, she's like a multifaceted monster. Yeah, I'm not saying that Kristen is any angel by any means, but I feel like they really are, this is Brittany, this is a Brittany and Zach issue. But can I also say while we're calling everybody trash,

five minutes into this, it's also Janet. And I don't believe for one second that Janet didn't say this. I 100% believe that Janet did say this. And guess what? I also believe that she's correct. And that Michelle is a fucking trumper and did say things that made her think that. I think that they're all lying

and they're having like a typical LA fight, which is like, you are not allowed to talk about how you really feel or how I really feel, I guess. You know, like how your friends, like how dare you say how I really felt to a bunch of people that could cancel me, you know? That's what they're all fighting about. But I believe all of them. I believe Janet said it. I believe that she thinks it. And I think that whatever Michelle said to make her think it, Michelle said too.

Trey Lockerbie Yeah, because Janet basically tries to soften it later on as we'll get into by saying, no, no, no, no, no, I never said that she was a Republican and racist, just that she seemed to be in favor of Florida's don't say gay laws. She just hates gay and trans people. I think she just got like swept up in a logarithm. I was like, well, if you think she just got swept up in a logarithm and it was just that, then why are you going and telling people like,

oh my God, she doesn't like that. She's like all for like Ron DeSantis and stuff. So like, I don't know. Something's going on here. And I love that in a don't say gay fight, they're blaming the gay. The whole point is you don't believe in saying the gay. So leave the gay out of it.

How are you gonna be in favor of don't say gay laws, but then you're gonna pin everything on the gay? This is so hypocritical, this whole fight. But also like Bravo literally does don't say gay because Zach is such a big part of this. And again, they cut out the entire fight from the show that cut out Zach's big moment and they really don't center him in this at all. When actually the things that Michelle said,

potentially like what she allegedly said, really that should be something that is like very offensive to Zach. It should be very offensive to fucking everyone. Well, I know, but in the context of this- In the context of the, and nobody says anything about it to her. She's the big victim. That's what makes me crazy. Okay. We're jumping way, way ahead. So let's come back to this part. And by the way,

I know I was the one who did it, but let's come back to when I say let's, I mean me, uh, let's come back to what's going on right now, which is Janet refusing to take any responsibility. So now Janet, when she gets confronted is like, well, Kristen's insane. And here's why she's insane because of her boyfriend. She's trying to put forth lies about her boyfriend and wants us all to swallow these lies

about her boyfriend, right? But also don't forget, I mean, I'm not trying to defend everyone here. It's just that this is another lazy Susan of awfulness on the show, but Janet is just that this is another lazy, lazy Susan of awfulness on this show. But Janet is also receiving this information. Like Kristen showed up at this, at this night and just decided I'm going to like just talk shit about Janet.

And that wasn't what happened. Oh, I mean, and by the way, thanks a lot Bravo because he didn't show it to us. So we have no idea really the context of how it truly came out. But, um, so that's why they're going to save it up for later. They're the context of how it truly came out. But, um, so I think that's why they're going to save it up for later. They're going to like slow, slow drip it. It's just ridiculous. Did their cameras die or something like that? I don't know. No, it's all there. They're going to slow drip it to us over the season. This is some good shit. Like, listen, I'm not asking for more supersized episodes, but here's the one time where they

could have used a supersized episode and they're like, no, we're not going to do it. It's like really? And then you know, in like two weeks we'll get a super sized episode so we can watch, you know, 10 minutes of Brittany walking around Joanne Fabrics. There's Bobbin. I wish I knew about this place before I had my word. Okay so Michelle's like, yeah, I've known Kristin for a couple of years and she had problems and she broke up with her ex boyfriend. And then I had problems with Jesse. And so we would talk about our problems together and then that's how we bonded. But this is how she repays me. It's like, well, listen, what does she owe you for?

She had to listen to your stories about fucking Jesse. I would say you're pretty even, okay? Jesse doesn't seem like such a prince over Alex. Yeah, exactly. So, Jesse, so she gets off the phone and Jesse's like, and by the way, what does being a Republican have to do with it? She goes, yeah, like I'm not a Republican,

which by the way, even if I am, who gives a fuck? And then, um, uh, yeah. So anyway, we can then go to Kristen's apartment and Kristen and Luke are packing up her apartment because they are moving down the hall from Katie. Cause as discussed on Vanderfump rules recap, she's in the same building as Katie. And someone actually said that this, Kristen talked about it on a podcast that would has been verified now. So Kristen's like,

oh God, I'm sorry to have a new space. And he's like, yeah, let's fill a couple more boxes and get over there. Can't wait to break in the new apartment too, huh? God, Luke, I swear to God, I've literally got dish towels that are more interesting, but mostly because I had to buy those dish towels with funny Southern sayings on them. Like the only normal people you know are the ones you don't know too well. Hey, I'm going to stop caring what people think.

I hope that's okay with you. I'm like, yes, I love cleaning the kitchen now. I love a sassy kitchen clean. Okay. Here's what I wanted to say. Um, I finally figured out who Luke is. Who he is clay Aiken on testosterone therapy with, with, he is a doll. He's a, he's clay Aiken with like facial hair implanted on his face. Wow. And no one can convince me otherwise. This is Clay Aiken in disguise, barely disguised. Do you feel like there's like a little Ross Perot in there too?

Like young Ross Perot. In the future for sure. He's definitely going down that path. He's got future perosin. And you know what, there's no U-turns on that road. That is a road with no U-turns. Maybe Gary Fusani. Or if you started down that road. Don't you? That was the road with no U-turns. Maybe Gary Kucinich. Gary Kucinich. I love that you're only going to go with politicians now.

I'm going to go with politicians who have long shot campaigns. I'm like Ronnie Clay Aiken. Actually Clay Aiken is a politician. He did run for office. That's right. Oh my gosh. If you took Clay Aiken, Ross Perot, Gary Kucinich, and, um, I don't know. Is there, is there any other like really good, like, like strange, also rant Jill Stein? Carly Fiorina. Okay. So Meg Whitman,

while we're talking about people who look like people, I would like to put this image up on screen of Gladys Kravitz from the film Bewitched. So we can all talk about how much this looks like Zach giving everybody dirty looks. It does look like Zach. It also looks like me watching the show. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. All right. Okay, so anyway, We can crisp it. We just have the same looks, you know? So Chris looks like, can't wait to break in the new apartment. And she's like, you mean have sex in a bad way?

He's like, yeah, that's what I meant. So they bring their talking on the floor and she shows us her new fancy fancy apartment And she's like and there's room to play in here cool. Like we even have sex toys. We've got like five boxes of sex toys She's like, um, don't you think these knobs will be cute? I love that. She's like really concerned about knobs He's like, yeah, sure, honey, whatever you want You know what would make me happy is Jack stop pulling fucking jack shit last night Like we literally just had this talk where I said, I don't care if you're friends with my ex boyfriend, just please don't bring him around me and don't bring him around Luke or like my family or my new knobs.

And then we see a flashback of that conversation at the smokehouse and Luke is like, yeah, the only saving grace of the night was that he pulled me aside first. And like, if I, it would have been a total blind side and that would have been totally shitty, man. Man, don't even say blind, because that's the best thing anybody could have been around you that night with that shirt on, okay? I'm never gonna forget that shirt that he wore ever. I'm never gonna forget it and I'm never gonna forgive it.

So Kristen's like, I was so fucking upset when Brittany told me, I was like packed into a corner and then guess what, I fucking reacted. And that's just what I did. For Jax to do that, I mean, it's just fake. And Jax promised me he wasn't gonna pull this shit. So if he's gonna pull shit like that, then I'm gonna start calling people out on their bullshit.

Okay, well, how does that make any sense? Call Jax out on his bullshit. How does Jax not have any bullshit for you to call him out on? Yeah, exactly. And so Kristen says, like, you know what I brought up? What Zack told us. So we see a flashback of Kristen saying like, well, guess what? I found out that Janet said that Michelle's a racist and a Republican.

And she's like, the truth. And Jasmine's like, are you fucking kidding me? What would I be saying right here if Janet told me that? I suck, I suck. So Jasmine gets pissed. Okay, so then I realized, Jasmine, I know who Jasmine is. I recapped her season of The Bachelor over on RosePrick. She was on Nick Vile's season of The Bachelor.

Isn't that crazy? I knew it. I knew I recognized her. No, you know why? You know how I always tell that story about the time that Lala was on the pool at my roof at my old building. Jasmine was with her. It all comes together. I knew it. I knew it. It was her. Really? Yes. Okay. So it's, yeah, it was the one Jasmine was there. And you know what, for all I know, maybe I'm, I don't think Zach was there. I know that it was a gay.

I think it was other Logan though. But that was when Lala was talking about faith and how faith was like stealing shit and like how she said, let the peasants be peasants. That was Lala talking about faith. That's not gonna hang out with faith anymore. Let the peasants be peasants. I just will always remember her saying that at the pool.

It was Jasmine who she said it to. You gotta love when someone's calling someone peasant at the apartment pool. I know that you don't even live in. That's just hilarious. That's my peasant pool. I love calling people peasants at this non privately owned pool.

So, um, Kristin, okay, so we see the flashback and Jasmine's now pissed at Kristin and Kristin's like, uh, yeah, okay, well, here's what happened before production started. There was a lot of shit talking going on like within our group. All right. And then everyone's going to like talk about it behind closed doors. But then when filming starts, nobody wants to talk about it. So like, I mean, sorry, but the cameras were up and we're gonna just pretend it didn't happen.

Well, I'm not gonna pretend. And then she does her little shimmy thing where she's like shrugging and shimmying at the same time. Justice. So she's like, Janet was like trying to start a bunch of shit by insinuating that Michelle could be homophobic or racist, and then last night, Zach fully denied it and I just had enough.

I feel like I upset Michelle by saying that. Like, oh really? You feel like you upset Michelle by saying that people in the groups think that she's like a racist and a Republican? So she says that Zach's pissed off at her, but he knows better when it's a Janet thing because she had to come for Janet.

And deep down, Zach told her because he really wanted her to light the fire and she knows it. And I just think it was so funny because Kristen's the most experienced in reality TV and these people really don't. I saw a tweet that said something like, Kristen is well-trained

and these people stand no chance against her. And it is just so true. I mean, Kristen and Jax are just gonna run Ram Shot over these people. And I'd love to watch it. Well, it's also, my favorite thing is when reality stars do this and Whitney on Salt Lake City is the biggest offender. Oh yeah?

Well, Zach just wanted me to light the fire. It's like, well, and then you did. She manipulated me. She wanted me to say that. It's like, and you did. And you me. She wanted me to say that. It's like, and you did. And you did. So don't act like you, it's like, oh, I knew a long, they just wanted me to, you know, throw a table

or something like that, knock a table over, and then you knock a table over. So why are you mad at them? You're the one who actually did it. Yeah. Well, you know what I would say, you know, in a Weight Watchers after a bad week, those M&Ms were flirting with me. Okay. And you know what I would say, you know, in a Weight Watchers after a bad week, those M&Ms were flirting with me. Okay, and you know what Janelle would say?

Excuses don't burn calories. And I hope they were peanut M&Ms. At least they've got protein. I was eating some M&Ms. I was eating some this week. And I was like, I feel like I hear Ronnie's, I feel like I hear Janelle from Ronnie's Weight Watcher trauma in my ear. Apparently it wasn't trauma. What a great time. Drama, maybe. I feel like I hear Janelle from Ronnie's Weight Watcher, trauma in my ear.

Apparently it wasn't trauma. What a great time. Drama, maybe. So, yeah, I loved it. So, let's see. So Kristen's like, well, I don't mean to, Luke's saying, well, the best thing to do, Kristen, is when somebody tells you something, maybe don't tell anybody.

Yeah, thanks, Luke. I love that Luke's here to Luke explain simple things to us all. So I don't like Luke by the way, can you tell? I don't know why, he's done nothing to me. So Kristen's like, oh, I didn't mean to weaponize it, but I did. So.

I'm Kakari. So now we go over to Danny and Nia's condo and Nia is like instructing Danny how to feed her pre pumped milk into the child. Cause she's going to go overnight somewhere because she's going to be like she's going on like a cruise or something. So she's like, so are you ready for me to leave? And he's like, ah, yeah.

I mean, how much milk do you have from the actual teat? So I, I want her to do it like every night, like every other bottle formula and like breast milk. Daniel, are you listening to me? You should do the frost two to four bags at a time. And he's like, oh man, it's like typical, like, oh man, I'm a man. I don't understand how to feed a baby right now.

Why do humans get to brag that we're like the most advanced species on earth when we're such fucking pussies when we're born? I mean, seriously, you have to chain a lady up to a pumping machine for months at a time. She can't even go out of town because we can't do shit on our own. Have you ever seen a baby elephant get born?

Here's what the mom does. It walks past the camera, cause that's the only time I've seen this on TikTok.. It walks past the camera, because that's the only time I've seen this on TikTok. The lady walks past the camera, literally just stops like she's about to burp, splurts out a baby. And guess what the baby does? It cuts up and starts fucking walking.

I think human beings need to stop bragging, because we're ridiculous, okay? And yes, I'm talking to you, you, talking to all of you three under two wussies. But the worst is when that baby elephant gets stuck under a couch and then Sherry just comes running out of nowhere, is like, where is he?

Starts putting white lipstick all over the elephant's trunk. So, Nia's off. We find out about Nia. Yeah, she's going to, Yeah, she's gonna be working. Postmas USA, I'm very blessed to be able to continue to do appearances. Wow. Have fun with that.

So, he's gotta take care of the kids. So, I hope we get like a wacky Mr. Mom episode. Danny scares me. He seems, like Danny and Nia seem like they have the most loving relationship. They're really sweet to each other. They're always like going over little kisses and it doesn't feel like it's performative.

But then sometimes when you look at Danny, it's like, I feel like his eyes are just black circles. Like I'm like, I don't even, I feel like I don't even see any of like the white part. It's just like, I feel like his eyes are like pools of evil sometimes. And I'm like, I don't know if I trust this man. Everything he does seems nice, but there's something scary about his eyes, right?

Well here's what it is, and I don't want to offend anybody. So just, if you're easily offended, just don't listen to this next part. So I think it's because he's short and you know, when you're really short, everybody's taller than you. And so you're constantly in the shadows. And so I think his pupils get really big because he thinks it's darker than the taller people. You know what? That's a very sound theory. Thank you for reminding me of short people shadow theory that, um, yeah, I love, by the way, every week for some reason,

this is like the nicest couple. They're the, they're the like the most pleasant people and they're the most mature and I've already called her a monster I know I said that he has evil lurking behind his eyes, but let me tell you something I got to back myself on this I got back yourself back yourself up. So The other thing is that he plays a zombie the well even just the voice of a zombie So now I can see zombie in him. You know what I mean? You know how when you see a zombie you see the character can see zombie in him. You know what I mean? You know how when you see a zombie,

you see the character they were before, the zombie a little bit, cause they're the same person, you know, they're just zombified. That's what he is to me. So he is kind of scary. So now we go over to Jax. Jax is going to Jax's,

which looks maybe about the size of a shoe box, I'm not really sure. Who was- Is it a taco truck? What are they opening? Who was telling me, was I with you? Who was I talking to? Who said that Jax's is kind of like a ghost kitchen? Or it's like, that's another restaurant

and there's like a little back area that they opened up that they just call Jax's, but it's part of like a larger restaurant. Where we talk to someone about that. Someone told us that on another podcast or we were talking to a podcaster, I think that went because I was with you. So whoever told us it was, which podcast were we just on? Um, we just did the big flop and we just talked to somebody else too but I don't remember but yeah someone was telling us it's a ghost kitchen there's a place next door. No it was on crappy hour maybe

anyway I don't know maybe that's what it was yeah I also heard a rumor I'm sorry what'd you say? Shall listen to crappy hours you get the information. Not that we listen it, because we have no idea what we're fucking talking about. I have no idea. I don't know what we've been talking about for the past 20 minutes, to be honest. I'm like. I'm sorry, neither does anybody. I heard a rumor that something about her,

the sandwich shop was ghost, it was using ghost kitchens around the country to be sold on Uber. Like sandwiches were selling something about her sandwiches on Uber Eats, is that true? Have you heard that? No, I just saw that on an Instagram comment. Well, you know who heard it?

Hey, that is not true, Michelle. Guys, I wanna tell you a secret that just stays between the two of us. Something about her selling sandwiches on Uber Eats between the two of us, something about her selling sandwiches on Uber Eats across the nation. But not to gay people or races. Michelle says she doesn't want those sandwiches because they're made by people who support

gay rights. They're selling some, there's something about Republicans. Chef honey made a special sandwich. It's all as it looks like a mega cap, but instead it's just a tomato caprese. Okay. So then we go over to Jackson's and he's got a little golf cart that he pulls up to and he's hitting garbage cans because he's Jack's, you know? So he's like, guys, what do you think of the flower wall? What do you think of the flower wall?

Brutal, brutal, honest opinion, guys. I love a brutal honest opinion about a flower wall. Yeah, it looks great. Looks great, Jack. I love it. Love it. He's like, Yeah, it looks great. Looks great, Jack. Wow, love it, love it. He's like, yeah, I need to pop a little bit more. You know, it looks like, I thought it was gonna be like more three-dimensional,

but like, that's fine. Like we're, okay, what's going on? Where are we at? So then Roger is like, okay, we got some interviews lined up. So we need to have some really, really good workers for this hole in the wall bar. So Jack's like, I've been a bartender like the majority of my life.

And you know, I had some really crazy, crazy years at Sir. And I'm really very fortunate to where I don't have to put up a bunch of money because I've got three partners that are footing the bill. And I personally haven't invested anything. Like then it's not your, it's not your bar, Jack. It's not your bar. And thank you for admitting that you dumb ass.

That's not your bar and thank you for admitting that you dumb ass. What, what ownership stake do you have in this bar then? So probably like this 2% or something. He's probably got like a Tom and Tom kind of a deal. So, uh, then we see a clip of Jack's being a totally professional bartender where some girls like, can I have a mojito? And he's like, I'm not muddling today. And he drops an entire bottle of Donalio. So he's like, actually, to be honest, bars destroy marriages, you know, like look at

the Toms. No, bars don't destroy marriages. Bad men destroy marriages. The marriages you're talking about on this show are terrible fucking men, okay? The same thing that's gonna destroy your marriage. Yeah, I mean I saw all the problems that they went through and I just, I wanna make sure that I didn't run

into any of those problems, so I have to involve my wife, because I think I should be in charge of hiring the staff and Brittany, you could take the plant wall. I'm just imagining all those plants being like little shop of hearts. They're all like, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Feed me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Feed me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Feed me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Feed me all night. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

So, um, I love that you're saying he's gonna give Brittany something to do at this part. Please don't. And I love how condescending he's like, I wanna give her a sense of ownership so she can like water the plants on the wall. And they're not even real plants. It's a painting of a flower.

Flowers, by the way. So then they interview. She's gonna be up there with a watering can of flowers by the way. So then they interview- She's gonna be up there with a watering can pouring water on the painting. That's gonna grow, J.X. You gotta give these flowers love. So then we see them interviewing people. And of course the way that Jax is looking these girls

up and down with the hungry eyes of a balding wolf is just- Balding wolf. Well, who would marry Jax? I mean, Brittany, like, I hate saying people deserve what they get, but honestly, it's like you ordered the sandwich that came to you. You know what I mean? He's disgusting, this guy.

He's fucking disgusting, is my point. I will never get- Does that mean about her sandwich? I have to say, I love this show that he created, love it. God, I still hate him so much I hate him, but I love I love that he's back on TV, but I hate his gut so much I guess that's the point right? Yeah I mean he did the smartest thing Jack's ever did was make sure that Jesse was on this show. So that way Jack's looks like

semi decent in comparison so we see this a Lady come in to interview and they only show like very fleetingly, but she has no bra on. Like we see like a little nip coming through. So of course we know she's going to get the job. Jax is like, his boner is like lifting up his table, like his table is up at his nose because his boner is lifting up so high. And yeah, she, he's like, this gal decided not to wear a bra. So do we end up hiring her? Uh, yeah.

Yeah, so they hire her. So then she does like a test drink, and it's a lemon drop. So you know, she's... She's serious. It's basically like a mixology place. Basically. It's basically the same as TomTom. Yeah.

So then Brittany meets up with Kristen to make up for... Okay, so Brittany and Kristen meet up up and they have to talk about this and they meet up at a horchacheria, which is so funny because when you're not in the valley, they go to juice places where they have to drink like grasshopper jizz. And then you go over to the valley and that's where you get the real fucking sweet, delicious 900 calorie drinks. I'm moving to the Valley, that's it. I'd love it there. This show is, how many people do you think

are gonna move to the Valley after watching this show? I think it's just gonna- Besides me. I think that like, it'll just be just like a surge, a surge, a wave of people are gonna move there. All the hipsters are just gonna just say, we are coming in to Rosita. We are taking over Chatsworth and we will see that.

That's where Bueller's from. Really? It's my hometown. Yep. Wasn't that in like free fallen, isn't that lyric and free fallen about Rosita? Rosita? I don't know. So, um, it's where my hair has been living for years. Okay, so Kristen is like, oh my God, this like smells like a, this like churro smells like a Christmas candle that you would have. Cause of course, Brittany, see, and I don't like Brittany, but this is how she orders, which makes me kind of like her. Can we have some mini churros? I'm like, you're having horchata and churros? That's my kind of girl.

Yeah, so Kristen's like, yeah, this smells like a Christmas candle. It's like cut to Kristen actually eating a Christmas candle. It's like, you're doing it, Rowan, that was for the Santa base. So Britney's like, so how are you feeling? Because she still has that frown. Britney with her frown, her surgically induced frown is making me cackle every single scene because now she has like overcompensate for the frown by being extra cheery to prove to people that she's not frowning.

She's like, so how are you slay? Like she's just like leaning on a chair to make it look like she's smiling. So quiet to me. You fail. Christine. I'm so overwhelmed. Oh, because that girl's not kind of took a turn by a turn obviously. I mean Jen is really really really pissed off right now.

And she was like a who? She was a you! Cause you know everybody called her and told her that you basically said that Michelle was a racist. And she's like I didn't say that. Or Republican or whatever. Me? Out of all people? Really? Seriously? Seriously? You think this is a topic that I want to talk about ever? And she goes well that was my point and I was like why is Kristen even bringing this up? I mean that's like her

going after people's faith. You know it really sucks to have a word that's so hurtful, even be affiliated with your name, but I repeated what was told to me. So something that Janet said, so why the fuck is everybody mad at me? So she's like, listen, I was just backed into a corner. So that's why I spat it out. She's like, well, that word is such a hurtful word.

That is such a terrible word to be associated with you. But you backed me in a corner, so of course I lobbed it at you. Yeah. So I had to do it. So, Brittany's like, well, I'm glad you're on enough to die, yeah. And so she was like, you know,

I don't think that Kristin does anything on purpose to hurt people. She just does sometimes. She's like Jax in that way Yeah, I don't know. Janet is actually the one who's saying those things or not But like it like something will say it and Kristen exaggerated like Jax would Jax does this all the time, you know boys will be boys So Kristen's like this Zach stuff is what's really fucking me up and she goes well You got to talk to him cuz hey, he's like he's getting my dumpster fire real fast He tried to take off his hair and knock us all down with it right in the road

He's literally wearing a mini dumpster on his head now So and then he put his hair on top of it So Kristen's like, Kristen calls Zach because they're gonna hash it all out. And so she's like, hey, I'm with Britt, you're on speaker. He's like, hey, what's up? Ha ha, hi. Okay, I'm wildly confused why you were denying

the stuff that you told me, Caca. He's like, what part are we referring to? She's like, yeah, well, Jenna told Jasmine that Lily Lolly, that Michelle Lolly, sorry, Jenna told Jasmine that Michelle Lolly, I like that, Michelle Lolly, they say it 10 more times now, Michelle Lolly being a Republican and that she should be careful. And Zach's like, well, the Republican thing was sad, but that doesn't mean Bray says I'm Christian and I never said that.

You cannot do that, Christian. And she goes, well, why would I use the fucking R word unless that's what you said to me? So don't throw me under the bus. And he goes, oh my God, Kristen, you're the bus driver. You're the one driving over all the dead bodies. Well, how did they die in the first place by the way, Zach?

You're twisting everything. Like I'm not saying that there wasn't something that happened, but like what you did was like, you took something that was like very simple that I was like talking about behind the scenes because I was like, oh, that's weird. You don't just like blurt out that stuff and accuse somebody of saying that someone's racist

like that. I'm like, well, so you did say the racist thing. Exactly. And he said it. Well, we'll learn why he said it. But so then Kristen, well, he's saying, Oh, you know what? Kristen cannot keep a secret to save her life. Like even when I'm telling her, do not tell this person, I'm telling you this because you're my friend and I want you to know, but I need you to keep it to you. She never once has been able to keep a secret. Not even one single time.

Then why are you telling her? You're only lending credence to her theory that you told She never once has been able to keep a secret, not even one single time. Then why are you telling her? You're only lending credence to her theory that you told her because you wanted her to tell everybody. My favorite thing is when people who've been told a secret who then go and tell someone else a secret and then that person tells the secret gets mad that someone told their secret. Like Zach, you know that it was that Janet told Brittany in this story and Brittany told told you you were the one who couldn't keep a secret And told Kristen, okay

Yeah, and Brittany's like well, but the point is you brought it up at the party and Kristen's like, yeah Well rather than it being the point that you guys were all talking about to shit and bringing it to my front door And I was the only one to say it out loud Did I say by the way that, that Janet told Brittany the secret? I meant Janet told what's her face, the girl from the bachelor. Let's jam it told Jasmine. Jasmine told people to be confused. Jasmine told Zach Zach told Kristin and then now Zach is mad that Kristen couldn't told Kristen. And then now Zach is mad that Kristen couldn't keep

a secret even though Zach is the one who couldn't keep Jasmine's secret. Right. Okay, well rather than it being a point that you guys are all talking a bunch of shit, bring it to my front door. And I was the only one to say it out loud. I love when people do that too, when they try to like,

they try to like brand their messiness as some sort of like virtuous, like outburst of honesty, because no one else can be honest like they are. I'm just being honest, you know? Yeah. So then we see a flashback to Kristen talking to Zach two days ago.

And she says, I mean, I know the shit that Janet said about Michelle Lolley, am I wrong? And he goes, you are not wrong, Kristen. They use this clip like five times this episode, cause it's so damning for Zach. And he's like, I never saw that. She's totally wrong. You are not wrong. So, uh, Brittany, uh, is like, well, I'm lying. You're the one who cited it and so you have to take some responsibility for it. And that's not what that's how you're going to move on unless you're Jax in which case you don't have to make any accountability because

that's just what Jax does. Don't ask Jax to count nothing because he does it wrong anyway he don't got accountability. So Kristen's like okay well I said it out loud then and the part that I took and this is repeating it in front of everybody was bad she goes yes I'm glad you noticed Kristen she goes okay well I can't deny the fact that I was told all of these things and it's been sitting inside me literally bothering me literally bothering me I definitely feel like I hold a lot of responsibility to keep this group together because I love all these people and I don't want to be like having issues because then how are we gonna do Country Fire Day again?

And Kristen just smiles and she's like, something about summers man, right? Makes everybody crazy. Kristen's like, here we are back again, just causing shit in the summertime, like old, like the old days. It's LA, it's always summertime here, let's be honest. So now we go to Michelle and Jesse having couples therapy with a non-therapist. So this guy, now we go to Michelle and Jesse having couples therapy with a non therapist. So this guy, Scott, the life coach, he shows up and he's like, okay, Hey everyone, how's everyone fun? How you guys functioning together? And Jesse's like, um, you mean with like dumb them over here,

this fucking bitch. So, um, he says they're there. Their counselor is not a therapist. He's more of a coach and his goal is to make the best versions of themselves. And if the best versions of themselves are in love with each other, then their marriage will survive and get better. Yeah, and Michelle's like, yeah, Scott worked on our friend's marriage

and that really improved and helped their marriage. So maybe it can help and improve our marriage too. And, um, so they have spoken on the phone, but this is the first time they're meeting in person. So Scott's like, so, how do you feel after the call? Do you guys feel like there's anything that came up after we talked like anything you want to revisit? And Jesse's like, I mean, it's just constant conflict. And then we flashed back to Jesse, berating Michelle for putting too much milk in

his cereal. He's a god. Such a conflict between cereal and milk. And Scott's like, so what are your needs in this relationship that aren't being met? And Michelle's like, um, a lot of needs are like not being met, but what a lot of needs. I felt lonely for like a very long time. He wouldn't even come to Washington with me on January 6th. So like raising a child can feel very lonely when you're not interacting with adults

and especially a partner. I just, I get frustrated because he doesn't understand how I feel. I'm no longer affectionate and he's not either. I mean, I just want him to rally. It's like, I'm trying to get him into bed and I'm just like, I leave little breadcrumbs. I'm like, follow the breadcrumbs, follow the breadcrumbs. He says, how can I make this better?

And I say, do the research, you know, do the research. I mean, look, I know it's a long road, but we're not out of the James Woods yet. And the guy's like, so basically what you're saying is you're not getting any tenderness. And she's like, yeah, well, it's like the opposite. He's very hard on me, you know, like, no matter what I do, nothing's enough. And he's so OCD on the house, you know? Like, he doesn't even want to eat. He doesn't even. He doesn't want the house to even look like we have kids in it or even me.

He's actually removed all the photos of me and he changed the locks. I have to Fred Flintstone to get inside. Do you know how many times I've had to watch Dino go into our house and lock me out? to get inside. Do you know how many times I've had to watch Dino go into our house and lock me out? So Jesse's like, well, everything she's saying, I'm just like, like trying to figure out examples. He's totally disconnected. He doesn't seem to have any feelings and he's very confused

as to why he's even got to do this. Right? Yeah. And he's like, so you don't, I'm hard on her? Like, who cares? You know, that's kind of his look. And he's like, yeah, I'm just trying to figure out examples. And Scott's like, don't be a lawyer, just sit with what you heard. And Scott's like, well, she's walking on eggshells and she, it's like, she's tiptoeing to everything. Oh, Scott's saying this. She has to, she's tiptoeing and saying, everything has to be your way. And Jesse's like, I wonder, like, if I was more of a passive husband and partner, would she still like me? Would she still like me this much?

If I were more of a pussy, would she be happier then? Cause that's just not my nature. It's like, oh, shut up, Jesse. You know, I'm, I'm, I'm asking him like, is it just that I'm an asshole? She's literally saying you're an asshole. He's like, I wonder if I was less of an asshole, if that would make a difference.

Yeah, she's saying you're an asshole, Jesse. But he's, but it's so condescending because he says, maybe if I was just a more passive husband and father, she'd be happier. Meaning suggesting like, if he weren't the alpha, making all these tough decisions, if he was just like a lame pussy, maybe she, maybe she would like it more. Like, you know, it makes me happy because this guy's such a piece of shit. I love the fact that in all his interviews, he clearly earlier in the day had like a little

headband on to put his hair back because we see him wearing it earlier and he doesn't realize it's left a dent in his hair, and in all his interviews, his hair goes back, and then there's a dent, and it pops up again. And I'm like, that's the best justice, knowing you went on TV with a dent in your hair. But do you think he does that? I thought he did that on purpose,

because I noticed that he had headband hair, and then we saw the headband, and I was like, oh, I wonder if he does that to give himself that look. Like my little sister always had to go to sleep with her big foam curlers in so she would wake up with the hair she wanted, you know? So I thought that was an LA realtor thing. He's like, I want my hair to look like a roller coaster.

People on this show are wild, man. They are. Look at Kravitz next door. Hello there, this is a two part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. There they are. Look at the park with Caitlin Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Hitchels! Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickles. She's never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no last name-y.

Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing. Zip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan! Kristen the Piston Anderson! Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino! We wanna hang with Liz Lang!

Megan Berg! You can't have a burger without the Berg! The Bay Area Betches! Betches! And our super premium sponsors! Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD! We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal.

Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We forever love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie!

My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo! We love him madly, it's Kyle Pod Shadley! Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender! The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters! Give him hell, Miss Noelle! She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke! Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony!

Let's take off with Tamla Plain! She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar! We love you guys!