Watch What Crappens - #2384 Summer House MV: My Guest Is As Good As Yours
Episode Date: April 9, 2024On Summer House Martha’s Vineyard (S02E03), Jasmine wants to bring Mariah back to the house, and Bria wants to bring back Phil. Not everyone is thrilled. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a J...oke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Watch What Crappins!
Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that
we just love to talk about.
I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and beautiful Mr. Ronnie Karam.
Hi Ronnie, how are you?
Hello.
So today we're talking Summer House, Martha's Vineyard.
And before we get into that, we have our European shows coming up next month,
London, Dublin and Birmingham.
Come join us there.
Go to watch or crappens.com for tickets.
Also join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch or crappens
where you can subscribe on the Crappens on Demand level
and watch us not just listen
and get access to our weekly bonus episode.
Not sure what this week's bonus will be,
but I believe
it was last week was our House of the Dragon trailer trash. So if you're into Game of Thrones,
that's there for you. And who knows what this week will be, but it'll be fun, whatever it is.
So anyway, let's dive into some Martha's Vineyard. I feel bad because last week I kind of went in on
the show a little bit because I was like, it was more Bravo. Like don't give us a whole,
like don't do these shooting schedules where then there's,
you don't have enough to show us. But then this week was really good.
So I'm like, I, I,
I'm happy to report that I was like very satisfied with this week.
And I kind of feel bad that I,
that like of all the shows that I did my spiel on it was this one,
because I don't want people to think I don't like this show.
Cause I really love this show. I just was like, I was pushed to my limit last week and but
now I'm back. I'm saying I'm off scene or mind. You're on a podcast. You're about to
be a bitch. Okay, thank you. So I take it all back. Yeah, take it back. So we're valid
opinion. Okay. Yeah, but I just can change from week to week. But I really like to support this show
because I think it's so good.
And then of course they have like a really good episode
afterwards and I'm watching shows to support them.
I watch shows for them to support me.
I'm not here for this show's mental health.
You know what I mean?
The show is here for my mental health.
Fuck that show.
I'll say whatever I want to.
They're here for me.
I'm not here for them.
The fuck is this, a charity?
But then also, of course, after I have a rant,
the very next episode doesn't like back up my rant too,
where I'm like, see, nothing happens.
And then they have an episode where things happen.
I'm like, well, nevermind then.
But anyway, so the last episode ended with Nick discovering
that he actually gets handsy with the women
and he doesn't know how to deal with that.
So he basically asks Summer and Jordan, like, do I make you guys feel uncomfortable?
And they're like, yeah.
And that was like the fact.
They're like, you're handsy.
And he goes, but inappropriately?
You're handsy, period.
Yeah, that's inappropriate.
You're not allowed to be handsy.
It's just a different time. I don't think you're going to meet any girl who's going to be like, oh. Yeah, that's inappropriate. You're not allowed to be handsy. It's just a different, it's just a different time.
I don't think you're going to meet any girl who's going to be like, Oh my God, that guy's handsy. Love him. Love him. Always grabbing at me and pawing at me. It's great.
You're not pawing at ugly girls. You're pawing at hot girls and bikinis, sir. Okay. So when you apply your handsiness equally across the board, it's not just handsiness, it's perveness. Right.
And so he tells us, you know, some of Jordan and I
are close, so if you're a friend,
then tell me how you're feeling in that moment.
I'm like, that's not how it works with these situations,
sir, and like that's of course what the man would say.
Of course the man would be like, well, if I had known,
it was up to them to tell me that I was being a perv,
but I didn't know I was being a perv.
Well, it's up to you to know not to be putting your hands all over women in bikinis.
Yeah. No one else is doing it.
Yeah. Especially if you have a girlfriend and it doesn't seem like you have the
sort of relationship where that flies.
Well, that girl's an idiot. That Tasia girl's an idiot.
After how you could still date this person after watching last year and his behavior last year,
when he completely pretended he didn't even know you
so that he could bang people until he was unbangable
and then said, oh, well I have a girlfriend.
So yeah, I could excuse it last year
because you know, like she didn't know,
but she's seen the show now and she's still like,
oh, love you honey, bye.
No, no Tasia, run Tasia.
So also I just have an affinity for people named Tasia
and I wanna protect them all at all costs.
Like I'll go see Color Purple again.
I was about to say, does this-
I love Tasia, I love my Fantasia.
You're like, I'm not gonna advocate
for any of these TV shows,
but I will advocate for Fantasia Burrino.
Yes, who came from American Idol.
I will always advocate for her, I love her.
Okay, so she doesn't need to show up for work.
You know Oprah?
Oprah had this whole thing where she was like,
you know what, Fantasia, I put you on Broadway
and you never even show up to do your show.
And it pisses people off.
And she's like, sorry Oprah.
Well, here's what I say, she's Fantasia.
She doesn't have to come to work.
Every day is Fantasia doesn't have to come to work
if she doesn't want to.
Absolutely. Fantasia comes to work when Fantasia wants to. I only want Fantasia when she wants to be there.
Okay. Public service announcement over.
You're gonna get peak Fantasia. So, you know, Jordan, some are like, look, don't be self
conscious. Like you're aware now. And he's like, yeah, I just, I don't want to make you guys
uncomfortable. And Jordan's like, we didn't say you're a creep.
We just, we know you're a creep, so we don't have to say it.
So the producer's like, so would you, Jordan,
would you want your man being handsy with your friends?
And she's like, no.
And he's not out here slinging dick or doing anything crazy,
but you know, there's subtleties that I'm like,
this is not a man that is committed to his relationship.
So I hope we can clock it and move on.
Okay. So then, um,
Bria is talking about how Milo looks just like Alex.
Just funny. And they just show Milo sitting there like writing poetry.
Milo is part of a music collective for dogs. So that makes sense.
Milo's like, if you wanted to come,
you would have been part of the Facebook group.
So then Nick goes downstairs and he announces
that he just talked with the two girls.
And, you know, and so everyone was like, okay.
And then he's like, I just didn't realize,
I didn't realize, they said I get close and I don't want to make them uncomfortable. And Preston's like, yeah, was like, okay. And then he's like, I just didn't realize, I didn't realize, they said I get close
and I don't wanna make them uncomfortable.
And Preston's like, yeah, just like,
just give them two inches or a couple of feet.
Or just stay away from them.
So then Noelle is putting, wait, not Noelle,
Shanice is calling her mom.
And she's like, mom, I'm having a neon party.
You wanna do some shots?
Mom, are you doing shots right now?
It's crazy, I look so hot in my bikini.
Mom, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.
And then Shanice is like, my mom knows everything.
She knows who I go out with, when I'm in the club,
when I'm going down a slip and slide.
She's hardworking and she's independent.
And we see a picture of her mom and her mom is definitely,
if I were to describe her mom, she has the
look of a lady who wears a sort of like a shiny purple jacket getting onto an airplane
and then is very disoriented about what to do next.
Well, I'll tell you this, whenever I meet somebody's mom in real life or on a TV show,
I just assume they're going to be a stereotypical like, oh, hi honey, how can I be supportive?
Even though my mom's nothing like that.
I mean, I'm not saying she's not supportive,
but my mom's just not like that.
But I assume everybody else's mom is like,
oh, hi honey, I needed you something.
So I'm always surprised
when they don't play into a stereotype.
Then her mom definitely doesn't.
She's like, mom, last night they were playing a game
and Summer said I was the worst dressed.
Her mom's like, fuck that fucking bitch.
Yeah, she wants a piece of you,
she can have a piece of me.
Yeah, tell her mom's here, tough tits,
take it up the asshole.
I was like, oh my God.
I know, she was, I love, like her mom just like,
just like the trashy in the best way.
I'm not the shit out of that.
You hear like sucking down at Benson and hedges.
She's like, beat the shit out of that girl.
Well, I don't know. Like tell her, Hey, you want to act like you're 14.
You're repeating. Don't count anyway, bitch. She ain't got no,
she ain't no fashion designer.
And I love that she needs to like, yeah,
I'm just talking to my mom while she's at work.
I'm just imagining the mom at like Bank of America,
you know, like, hold on, man.
Oh, fucking kick that bitch's ass.
I said, hold on, God damn it.
She's the checkout lady at Penny's.
So she's like, yeah, it just triggers me, mom,
cause I lost my job and you know that.
So it's like a jab.
She was like, yeah, well, you guys need to learn to support each other. She ain't worth it to move on.
Cause you know what I would do?
I would knock the shit out of her.
Yeah.
So then, um, later we see everybody getting ready for this party and, um,
Jasmine is walking around with the wine glass, but it points at it.
The screen pointed.
It's like, ping it's apple juice.
So then listen, I've never been less excited about someone's pregnancy. is walking around with a wine glass, but it points at it. The screen pointed at it. It's like, ding, it's apple juice.
So then, listen, I've never been less excited
about someone's pregnancy.
It's not that I'm normally that excited,
but this one, I'm not only not excited, I'm sad.
It's like foreboding, you know?
Like I don't even want a baby shower.
I just want like a baby, a baby, a baby dry.
What would you call it?
I don't want to shower you with anything except lawyer advice.
Mm.
Yeah.
I, I'm also not excited about this pregnancy,
mainly because Silas is a monster.
And so it's like not exciting to see a baby monster coming
into this world.
And like the constant, you know,
indications of what Jasmine is drinking.
I feel like on one hand, they're like winking at the audience
like she's pregnant.
But I also feel like, are they also just doing this
to ward off tweets?
Like, well, if she's pregnant,
why was she drinking white wine?
Cause she was just drinking white wine
and she came out of that bathroom and they're like,
no, it's apple juice.
I can't figure out what they're really trying to do right now.
People love pregnancies.
I mean, it's like, it's still a huge storyline, you know?
We may not like it, but I think the world likes it.
Think, oh my gosh, she pregnant?
Is she?
Oh my gosh, she's pregnant, let's talk about it.
People love pregnancies, I mean.
They love it, I don't know why.
So to me, it's just like, it's like an overcrowding warning,
but okay, I'm like, overcrowding warning, but okay.
I'm like, well, emotions are still rising.
Okay, so everyone is in their neon for this neon party.
And Noel is kind of flirting with Alex in there.
She's like, you feeling better?
You gonna let that stop you from having a good time though?
Hmm, oh.
I see you came dressed in neon just like me.
He was like, no, you came dressed like me and my music collective.
And she's like, no, I was already dressed orange. You feeling this?
Orange you feeling this? And by the way,
I love that he's still icing his shoulder. Like every time they show him,
icing his shoulder, I chuckle because it's the stupidest injury.
It was him just trying to show off something. He didn't even know how to do it, but it was just like,
I'm going to twirl on these ropes to make myself seem cooler,
even though I have no idea what I'm doing. And the fact that he injured himself,
it's so glorious.
He's the kind of guy who walks around with band-aids on his fingertips, like,
yeah, just waiting for these calluses, you know, the guitar,
I've been going at the guitar pretty hard. Yeah.
He's a hundred percent that person. He totally is. And he's like, you know, the guitar, I've been going at the guitar pretty hard. Yeah. He's 100% that person.
He totally is.
And he's like, you know,
I think that what makes Noelle funny
is that she's attractive and she's, you know,
light and fun and I also love an accent.
I love a Southern accent, so.
I have a cousin with a Southern accent.
So, um,
so now they're like, okay, it's like everyone's gathering and she needs,
it's like who wants shots? Come on everyone. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot.
It's like, you know, that's our girl thing. That's our personality.
And then there are a bunch of blow up dolls and then they have a foam pool party.
I don't know how that stuff is legal,
but we've seen it on multiple Bravo shows
now, so I guess it is, but gross and then slip and slides and stuff.
And so Shanice is like, I just want to have fun because like I lost my job.
So she talks about that leading to depression and then she just gets
naked and Bria likes it now because her boyfriend's not around.
She's like, the first time I got mad
is because my boyfriend is here and he sells watches.
So, gotta respect that.
But he's not here, so you can be naked.
And then Amir gets like very serious
about this idea he has.
Oh, he's like, okay guys, here's what we're gonna do.
We're going to play slip and slide flip cup.
So what you're gonna do is you're gonna slide down
and then you have to flip the cup.
And then once you flip the cup, then you tag your partner. They have to run to the top of
the slip and slide and take a running start and then come all the way down. And then they have to
flip the cup. Does this make sense to everyone? Does anyone? Okay. And if you don't want to do
this, we have an alternate. We can all do CrossFit if you'd like. Do you want to do that?
And so it starts to rain and they're like, oh, it's okay. We're not going to ruin the party just
because we're in the rain. Let's stay out in the rain. And Jasmine's like, oh, it's okay. We're not gonna ruin the party just because we're in the rain.
Let's stay out in the rain.
And Jasmine's like, ah, yeah,
this is my hair plus someone else's hair.
And if my hair gets wet today,
it's gonna take me an hour and a half away
from tomorrow's festivities.
That's called black girl math.
I'm going inside, goodbye.
Yeah.
So they're just like playing this.
And then a car arrives and it's like honking
and Shanice's
friends are there, Hendrix and Christian.
So they show up for like a fleeting moment on this show, sort of random.
And so I was like, oh, we're getting two new cast members, but it wasn't quite, they're
just like these guys who Shanice knows because one of them slept with her friend.
So she doesn't sleep with him because of that.
And then, um, let's see, uh, Amir is like, there is, he's like, I won and there is an I in team.
So then, um, basically everybody meets these new guys and everyone's watching
Hendrix because he's hot and so he's like jumping into the pool and they're
playing porn music and stuff and Noel's watching him and then Alex is watching her,
like, is he jealous?
And so Hendrick starts talking to Noel
and he's telling her she has nice eyes.
And she goes, yeah, well that comes at a cost.
Cause God was like, you can have a nice eye color,
but you gotta wear glasses.
And he's like, and I was like, okay.
And he goes, you know what?
I like that confidence, I'll take it.
And they high five and they keep cutting back to Alex and just sulking in the corner,
which was like hilarious.
And then, you know, today, it turns out today is Hendrick's birthday.
They all cheer for him and everything.
And then Noel's like, you've got to get foamed up because you're the birthday boy.
So she starts like taking the foam and like rubbing it on his chest,
copying like a free free feel.
And they cut to Alex just foaming up his own chest, like fantasizing about,
no one's rubbing my chest.
Did you see that? Did you catch that?
So then she's like, I can do whatever I want. I'm not tied down. I'm single.
So then they share a mini cupcake and like lady in the trumpet, you know,
they're like, oh, wow. And then they share a mini cupcake and like Lady and the Trampit, you know, they're like, ah, blah, blah.
And then it's time to go out, party, ding.
Jasmine is only drinking tea, guys.
Do not care, do not care.
Can we possibly have one scene where I'm not reminded
that Jasmine has been implanted with the spawn of Satan?
That would be great.
Also notice how no one else cares.
Cause remember last episode,
I think it was summer was like,
I think Jasmine's pregnant.
Oh really, you think so?
Yeah.
Like, okay, cool.
Yeah, no, Bree is like,
yeah, typical because of course he dropped a baby in her
and then left.
I guess typical.
And not a single one of them is asking
or trying to get the bottom of it or trapping her
or observing like literally no one cares.
Yeah, no one likes Jasmine.
So sad because they've made her the lead of the show,
but no one likes her.
So then Noel and Alex are in the kitchen
and now she's kind of flirting with him.
And so she's asking like if he's single
and he's like, oh, you know,
I was kind of seeing someone over the summer,
but that was just fun.
And you know, you've got a good vibe.
You've got a good vibe.
You bring fun.
She's like, I'm fine.
And they start laughing and then summer comes in and kind of interrupts them.
She's like, sorry guys, just looking for my phone.
No, no, seriously.
Keep flirting.
Love it.
They have nothing for Alex at all.
Uh, just wanted to find my phone so I can take a picture of it while
Alex isn't looking at seeing that. I love it. I have nothing for Alex at all. Just wanted to find my phone so I can take a picture of it
while Alex isn't looking.
Seen that?
So they all go out,
cause they're going out at midnight
because they're young and they do that.
And then some people, Preston and Summer Jasmine stay behind
and they just all are like hanging out.
And of course Milo poops on the carpet.
I was like, of course,
this is why Milo is the worst dog on Bravo.
I mean, Milo, bro, you were just outside all night.
All night long.
But you know, I think dogs need to be watched.
Like, Bueller's like, you are watching me, right?
Like, he looks back to see
if I'm watching through the window.
Sometimes I'll hold it.
They love a show, what can I tell you? That's like his thing. He's like, this is the one thing I do that you always say I'm watching through the window. Sometimes I'll hold it. They'd love a show. What can I tell you?
That's like his thing.
He's like, this is the one thing I do
that you always say I'm a good boy for.
So could you at least watch me?
I've been saving the set all day.
Yeah, seriously, Milo is out there all,
well, at least Milo didn't poop in the pool
because I wouldn't put up a past Milo
to do something like that.
Or at least he didn't poop on the slip and slide
because that would have been a huge disaster.
Yeah. So then, um...
Jordan, uh, so now they're getting ready to go out,
and Jordan and Shanice are talking about,
like, did you guys, did you talk to Summer
about saying you're the worst dressed?
Oh, my God. How much do we have to talk about it?
Yes, they talked about it.
She passed Summer in the hallway and summer said,
are you mad? And she said, yeah, I didn't like that you said that.
And then summer said, I'm sorry.
Yeah. What more do we need?
Exactly. So it's the next day and uh,
Jordan's like Jordan's saying that she has an issue with a summer, uh,
because like there was a situation where summer made out
with like one of Jordan's like favorite bartenders
in the neighborhood and she like made out downstairs
in front of her in the lobby of her building
or something like that.
And it was like very mortifying for Jordan.
Yeah.
Cause her friend was like going hot and heavy in front of her building.
Yeah. So, and it was on, I guess it's like, she says it's,
it's hard enough being a black woman on park Avenue.
So I don't need the judgment. So I didn't,
I think I missed that she said she was on park Avenue.
So hearing that she's on park Avenue and she's like, okay, I don't want like,
I don't want people to think, you know,
like I'm already dealing with enough eyes on me. I don't want to be also the one who has like a friend who's
like making out in the lobby, I guess. It's a strange foundation for a fight, but I'll
take it.
You were making out with somebody in front of my building a park Avenue. It's a very
Bravo fight.
My doorman without so awkward the entire time. My doorman still tells me,
Hey, your friend left her package.
It's not funny.
So then, um, now one group leaves and, um, Amir Preston and Brea
and Noel are all in the car and they're talking about Hendrix.
And she's like, you know,
he's just one of those guys that he wants you all to be all up on him.
And I just met him.
So whatever. So they're asking her about Alex.
Something must happen at that club by the way, because she was all about Hendrix.
They went off to the club and now she's not into Hendrix and we never see him
again. So something definitely went down.
Well she was flirting with Alex already right after the pool in the house.
So I think she was flirting with Hendrix to make Alex gel.
And then it looked like Alex was gel.
And so she thought, oh, then Alex likes me.
That's what I was getting from it.
Like she was trying to like see
if the vibes were right with Alex
and then Alex showed interest by being jealous.
So that's why she gets the confidence
to do what she does later.
Yeah.
And so Amir was like, yeah,
what's going on with you and Alex?
It looked like you guys had a moment.
And she's like, yeah, we were just talking.
He's cute. Like he's giving single and ready to mingle.
But I get I get from him that like, you know, he just doesn't want to show his hand.
I'm like, there's no hand to show.
Unfortunately, like if he shows his hand, it's like it's an empty void.
So don't get too excited for what's behind it.
He said it's because he had calluses from the guitar.
But I don't know.
And Preston's like, oh yeah, he's very, very private.
Very, very, he's a musician.
What are you talking about?
He's private.
He's not listing all the people he bangs
because he's banging everybody.
Exactly.
To start connecting the dots.
I don't think that equals privacy. He's very private and yet is very happy to announce
who his cousin is. So exactly. I don't know how private that really is. He's not private. He's
just not advertising his fuck list so that people don't know that he's hoeing around.
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial.
for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial.
So Noel's like, you know, um,
I was in one serious relationship and, um,
I was on my way home to Christmas and this guy's like, Oh,
I can't wait to go back to Atlanta and see all my hoes. And I was like, what?
So now I'm in a single stage, I guess.
Note to philanderers out there, don't say that if you're having an affair.
It's not helpful for your affair
or for your main relationship.
I mean, if you're gonna cheat, cheat properly,
but like that's just, that's just a sloppy cheating.
That's just bad cheating.
Yeah, be a good cheater.
Come on now. So Noel is like, okay, real talk.
How would you feel if your girl,
and he's like Summer, you're talking about Summer,
yeah, had dealings with the guy.
She doesn't care, but I do.
And Preston's like, oh, come on,
you guys should be exchanging dick stories.
And then they laugh.
Yeah, I don't think you're allowed to be like Matt,
your friend, hooked up with a guy before she even knew you.
This is weird.
So now Jasmine is in, I mean,
not that she's saying she's upset about it,
just that she's, I guess it's weird for her
to hook up with the same guy.
It's not weird.
You totally wanna hang up with that guy,
hook up with that guy, just hook up with him.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm gay, so I feel like there's only a certain pool
and I think all the gays have fucked each other.
Yeah, they have. Right?
Yeah. Certainly.
So then Jasmine is talking to Summer.
She's like, okay, so Summer, do you have friends coming?
She goes, yeah, I have some friends coming.
She goes, okay, good, cause Mariah's coming. So we, yeah, I have some friends coming. And she goes, okay, good.
Cause Mariah's coming.
So we're in a better place now and we had to talk about everything.
And, you know, cause she was really hurt by how things played out last summer.
Um, and last summer was the first time our friendship was tested, but you know,
like I had to FaceTime her over and over and she wouldn't talk to me.
But then we had some really real, like you fucked up kind of conversations.
So now we're friends.
And so I told her, I wanted her to come.
It's like, Oh, that's gonna, that's gonna go over well,
but you need somebody in this house to talk to you. So.
Yeah. And for those who don't remember,
Mariah was kicked out of the house after she shoved laundry into Prius chest.
So, you know, huge, huge, uh,
infractions happening. So, um, uh, summer. So then summer is like, Oh,
and by the way, Phil's coming to bring back all the greatest hits. So Jordan's like, uh,
yeah, he, Phil can stay where he is. And summer's like, no, but he's, he's just coming to visit.
And uh, Jasmine's like, well, I just don't know if I trust film the house with other
people. And Jordan's like, I don't trust him for anything other than to get on my nerves. And I'm like, Phil is like a piece,
clearly a piece of shit like asshole who they like, like for them to feel unsafe around him is 100%
valid. That being said, let's, let's just have him come for like a night maybe. I don't know. I really enjoyed him.
He was great TV. Yeah. Like he's terrible, but it was funny. And the clip they show is like,
oh, so you're mad I shit in Nick's toilet? Well, I'll shit in yours next. And then Jordan's response,
we flush toilets, bitch. It's kind of amazing.
It was pretty good.
So now the other group is shopping there
at the grocery store.
And Amir is like, oh my God, let's get some blue corn tortillas.
And they're like, why do we need healthy taco shells?
And he goes, we're worried about our blood sugar guys.
Oh, fuck off.
Amir.
And he's like, God, why is this so expensive?
It's like, cause you got the fancy tortillas. And the lady in the back, he's like, God, why is this so expensive? It's like,
cause you got the fancy tortillas and the lady at the checkout is like, you also got premium meat.
And by the way, you're in Martha's Vineyard. So you're both on an island and you're in a rich
place. So congrats, enjoy your $45 hot dogs. I love being premium meat shamed by the checkout
lady. Well, you got the premium meat. What do you expect?
I don't expect it to be that much.
There shouldn't be such a huge difference
that I have to pay a million extra dollars
to not be poisoned by your fucking hormones and injections.
Not yours personally, lady.
I just mean the worlds.
The worlds that you're purveying here at your shop.
Lady.
I'm not yelling at you.
I'm yelling at the store.
Yelling at society.
And you are representing the store.
So guess what?
You get to hear it.
So now they're driving back
and they're talking about cooking and everything.
And Noel goes, well, you know, I'm sorry.
Bria is like, you know, the way to a man's stomach
is through his heart.
Like, that's not really how that works.
No.
So then, now, what's your buns?
Noelle has brought some, she's brought some food home
for Alex because Alex is vegan, right?
So he's like, oh, you guys got me something?
And they're like, no, Noelle did.
And Summer hears this, so she immediately starts watching from the couch.
Yeah.
And Noel's like, I got you something vegan.
And he's like, oh, well, I'm not a tofu guy,
but I guess it's the effort that counts.
And she's like, yeah, it's the thought that count.
He's like, yeah, gross.
Fuck you.
He's such a fucker. Fuck this guy.
I seem to remember this happened once before,
was it earlier this season? Was it last season? There was 100% a moment last year, I think, where they made him
something and he was totally ungracious about it as well. This guy, he's such a piece of work.
How much tofu have you made me?
Like, could you imagine someone goes out of their way to get you like a,
a special meal for your special diet that you're probably only,
um, indulging in performatively. And then you don't even just say, Oh,
thank you so much. And then you don't like eat around the stuff.
And then when there's no one's looking, you just throw it out. Like, what a dick.
Yeah. So then, uh, Jordan does not happy. She sees that. She's like, what a dick. Yeah. So then Jordan is not happy.
She sees that she's like, no, I'll buy him a sandwich and there's no gratitude.
There's no gratitude.
That was premium tofu.
The checkout lady even said it.
And no, I was like, uh, you know, uh, not no, I'll, um, summer's like, Oh God, that
was so cringy.
Why do you think I want you to have them?
Do you do you though? Do you really?
So now in the kitchen, Preston is talking,
they're giving Amir a shit.
Now like, okay, Amir, if we give you a list of 15 movies,
will you watch them?
Yeah, so they're basically questioning
whether or not he's seen movies like Baby Boy or Jodie
or New Jack City or Hollow Knights or Love and Basketball.
I said, yeah, I've seen that one.
I also had this great documentary about blue corn tortillas.
Does that count?
So now Jasmine's like, guys, I've got a microphone.
Nobody likes a house meeting better than when it's led
by somebody with a microphone.
People, let's go.
But guys, this girl, can she be more annoying?
She carries around a fucking microphone.
Where did that mic come from?
That's just a karaoke mic from the living room. She's trying to be funny,
but you better not wave a mic at my face to get out right now.
And Amir goes, Oh, the spirit of Silas is less speaking through Jasmine.
So now it's time for, they're all like, Oh God, Oh God, it's a house meeting.
What next? What next? And then they have Milo and the,
and the confessional just like shaking his doggy head, shitting,
probably shitting on the poosers foot. So then Jasmine's like, okay, everyone,
so we need to talk about guests to specific people.
How does everyone feel about Phil coming as Shanice and Bria's
guests? And note that I'm going to say Phil first in order to soften up the room for Mariah.
Oh shit. This is what we're talking about first. Maybe we should do some shots.
Shots everybody. Shots. Shots. Shots.
Well I'm getting a call from my mother. Okay. Well hi mom. What do you want to say?
Yeah.
Let my daughter bring whatever fucking friend she wants to bring in this house.
And Amir is like, um,
friend she wants to bring in this house.
And Amir is like, um, and Nick took it upon himself to take a shit in Phil's toilet and leave it there for him to flush.
Did we forget that?
Did we forget that that was the plotline for one day on this show?
And Noel's just making her faces over there.
And Amir is like, and then he disrespected Preston and Alex,
and then he wanted to go head to head with me.
I don't know that guy shit, no pun intended.
Noelle is doing like cartoon jury member right now
with her eyes bulging, eek faces.
She's cracking me up.
I love Noelle.
I think she's a great addition to this show.
And Alex is like,
you're not the only one who feels that way.
I feel that way too.
I've written a song about it.
Here's the first 30 seconds.
You're not the only one that feels that way.
Please subscribe to me on Spotify for the rest.
You took a shit in my toilet
and left it on flushed.
And then someone took a photo of me from afar
And left it untouched
I'm a legend
A legend, walking legend
I sing this song to you
Even though you brought me to food
I'm a legend,
a fucking legend.
That's every chorus that he sings.
So Preston's like, yeah,
he gives off vibes that are unhealthy as fuck.
And the way he came in last year makes me uncomfortable.
And we all know in 2024,
being uncomfortable is the greatest sin ever.
Absolutely not.
Now why they would even try to bring this guy back is crazy,
but you know, whatever, I'm glad they all stood up for themselves.
They should. There's no reason for this person to come back.
It's there's a reason for us as audience members, cause Phil was like,
you know, terrible and like a throwback to like the pucks and the various other disruptors of the
real world era. But there's no way in the, in like the reality of this show that he should ever be
coming back. And it's wild that Bria and Shanice ever thought that was a good idea to, to even
entertain that idea, that thought. So then Alex is like, this makes me question
Bria and Shanice.
Like, it makes me question how they view other people.
And so Bria is like, oh my God, you guys,
like he's not gonna be like that again.
And Preston's like, he said, fuck all of you.
And I quote, and they're like, well,
but he was just drunk.
And Jordan's like, we got into a damn near
physical confrontation and I never got an
apology. I mean, was it as offensive as making out with somebody in front of my building? Maybe not,
but it was still pretty bad. And, um, and Nick is like, no. And she's like, well, I think he's
fun as fuck, but we're not going to argue with you. If you don't want him here, he's not going to come.
fun as fuck but we're not going to argue with you if you don't want him here he's not going to come
and bria's saying you know how like hey i saw like i'm i'm just asking if you can come over here just be friends i'm not offering him like a bunk bed in the basement but like they're all acting like
he committed murder he didn't physically assault someone i mean only with his he only physically
assaulted them with his words which is like uh, uh, that's not physically, whatever. And she's like, damn, I mean, it's like, if you're going to let someone's words
gets you, I don't know, check yourself says Bria who storms off literally every
single scene and does in like two minutes, by the way.
And also I like that she added in there, um, he didn't physically assault someone
because she considers herself physically assaulted by laundry.
I mean, right now, listen, last year I was on her side because that wasn't cool,
but it wasn't like talk about overdramatic.
It's not like you were beat, you know, no one beat the shit out of you either.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So, um, Amir is like, okay, if you guys want to hang out, fine, but not at the house.
We don't feel comfortable.
So then she needs to like, okay, so no fulfill just two shots.
Okay.
Got it.
So how do we all feel about Moriah coming?
And Preston's like, oh, I love Moriah.
That's great.
I love Moriah because I know it's going to piss Bria off and I love nothing more than coming for Bria subtly.
And then watching her spiral in front of everybody.
So, yeah, Moriah.
And Jasmine's like, well, I just, I would never want to blindside anyone.
So I, you know,
just want to know what Sandra Bullock really did to that guy. It wasn't pretty.
And Briella's like, you know what? I don't want to talk to y'all.
You're all getting on my nerves. So she storms off, uh,
after having just said that you can't let people's words get to you and jazz.
Jasmine's like, you know, I just, I don't want to make assumptions,
but I know we're going to have people coming. So I don't want to make assumptions, but I know we're
going to have people coming. So I thought maybe we could have Mariah, because I think
we've already established that Phil is the very worst. So Mariah is really not that bad
anymore now that we started with Phil before Mariah, right?
Basically, Embree, who's just stormed off like right to the kitchen, she's right there.
She's like, yeah, but things happen and people are like, let's just not address that. And
Jasmine was like, I've personally spoken with her about you
and her intention is good energy.
And she was, okay, fine, I trust you.
I don't mind then, I'm fine with it.
So that was surprising.
I did not think it was gonna end like that.
Same, I was shocked.
And it doesn't really, as it continues,
but it seemed like it was ending right there.
So then Amir says something, what did he say? He says something like, hey guys,
I'm just gonna finish making the salad
and then I'm gonna go to the trampoline.
He was like really, really excited.
I love that the trampoline was part of his day plan.
And then we see then Amir and Alex in summer
on the trampoline playing a game called Crack the Egg
that Amir was very, very excited about.
I love this game, I. I love this game.
I used to love this game.
So then Shanice and Bria,
have you jumped on the trampoline as an adult?
It is so hard.
I don't think I have.
I thought I was just stroking out.
I don't think I have.
Your body doesn't know how to do it anymore.
My body doesn't know how to do it anymore.
I tried it a couple of years ago and I was like,
I think I'm dying.
Yeah, it seems scary to me.
I would be afraid of like breaking my wrists.
Yeah, so then my brain leaked out of my ear.
Okay, so then Preston and Amir talking
and Amir is grilling and Preston's crying
and he's like, what, what's wrong with you?
I'm just so mad, I'm trying to calm down.
This is why I hate being the only gay man in the house.
And then we see a clip of Phil being like,
what's that guy's, well, we see a clip of Phil being like,
what's that guy's, well, we see a clip of Phil inside, Brea is talking to Phil on the phone and she's like,
yeah, they do not want you here.
And Preston's really mad.
And he goes, why?
No grown man should be that upset.
And then back to Preston, he's like,
I mean, everyone's making me feel like
I'm exaggerating how I feel.
And then we see, cause I don't remember why he's upset.
I forgot about this homophobe or anything.
But then we get a clip of Phil pointing a gun at him. Yeah.
Which by the way, that I totally forgot about that.
And I feel like I've made a lot of comments last season,
this season about how hilarious Phil was and he should come back.
But this to me is actually totally a hundred percent like, um,
not it's unforgivable. I think like aiming a gun,
it wasn't a real gun. Wasn't this, was this a real gun?
I thought it was like a squirt gun with shots. I thought maybe it was a BB gun.
I don't know. I think that's like, he wasn't really threatening him with it.
Yeah. But I feel like, like if someone does that to me, like that's going to be a deal breaker. That's so, I think that's like, he wasn't really threatening him with it. Yeah. But I feel like, like if someone does that to me,
like that's going to be a deal breaker. That's so, I think like,
that's it's just scary. And I think that that image is like,
could be very, I'm lucky.
I don't have any real life experience where that,
that would trigger something beyond just the fact that it's like a scary thing,
but like to do that with someone not knowing what they've gone through in their
life, I think is like, scary thing. But like to do that with someone not knowing what they've gone through in their life,
I think is like, it's a terrible thing to do.
Oh, I mean, I didn't, I was like, why are you so upset?
Like I didn't really get it.
I mean, I get that they didn't like the guy,
but I didn't feel like it was a big homophobic thing
against Preston because he was basically the clip they showed
and it's him saying, it's your turn to take a shot
and I don't want any backtops. So stop
being soft.
I think it was a soft mark that got to Preston.
It's just like a total straight guy thing to do. But I don't know.
Yeah. I think that for, I'm assuming that for Preston, what triggered him was the stop
being soft. Cause that's like, there's like an implicit homophobia in that. Um, and maybe
like also saying that while also aiming a gun at him I think that probably just like something happened like that triggered precedent in some way that like I'm just saying I would just be triggered
Just by like a gun and like, you know people, you know, people have been like mugged people have been
They've experienced violence and I think if you aim a gun at someone even in a joking way as like a BB gun
Like that could be just like a that's that could just be
Devastating for someone. I think I just think it was totally irresponsible on that point.
It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
So then Noel is sitting with Shanice and Bria,
who are still on the phone with him, with Phil.
And Noel's like, oh my God.
Oh, she's like, oh, hi Phil. And I was like, oh my God.
Oh, she's like, oh, hi Phil.
I heard you left a lasting impression.
And he's like, I've grown.
I'm sure.
I'm sure Phil's grown.
I can promise you Phil has not grown.
And so Bria's like, oh, well, Mariah's coming.
Do you still talk to Mariah?
And he's like, yeah, she told me not to tell you
she was coming though.
She was going to surprise you.
Boom.
And yeah, they're like, really?
And, and they're like, but how, like, like,
how can they be pumped up?
We get all my favorite sound effects.
We get a boom.
And then they look at each other
and then we get a tss and then we get a brrr.
It was everything all at once.
Like Mariah was going to make a surprise visit
to Martha's Vineyard.
It was almost turning into like Bravo's version
of like the sublock tango.
Lip shits.
And Bria's like, I didn't know that she had a,
I didn't know she had a secure plane ticket.
Do you have plans to meet up with her?
He goes, yeah, we were going to meet up.
You know, just going to point a gun at her and make her do some shots.
And Bria's like, I feel played. So she's like,
she was already planning on bringing her no matter what happened in that house
meeting. That's like a punch in the face. And we're in the room.
We share a bathroom. There were so many opportunities to tell me
anytime while I was taking a shit,
she could have knocked and said,
by the way, Mariah's coming.
In Jasmine's defense, Jasmine's not my fave,
but in Jasmine's defense,
the plan was that they were gonna surprise you with somebody
to make the show interesting.
And Jasmine went against that and told you,
she did not have to do that.
Because this is a reality show
and the plan was obviously to shock you.
Even Mariah is like, I'm gonna surprise everybody.
So I think Jasmine was being pretty nice.
And also in Jasmine's defense,
as she kind of like alludes to later,
but she doesn't explicitly say it,
like sometimes you just gotta get the plane ticket first
and then figure out what to do later.
Cause the longer you wait,
the fewer tickets there are and more expensive they become.
So sometimes just lock it down first and then figure it out from there.
Yeah. So then, um, now Jordan is, um, crying and, and talking about how she's losing her
hair. She's telling summer and she's like, my hair is falling out. I don't feel like
myself. And summer's like, well, we can just stay home. And she's like, no, I don't want
to just stay home, but you know, I don't want to be a sourpuss either. It's just
really hard. And then we got to Shanice going, we need more tequila.
And, uh, Jordan's basis, you know, she's saying she always, you know, she's even before, even when
she wore wigs before, you know, at least she had an option to not wear a wig and now she has to
wear a wig and it's just like really hard and summer's just comforting her and stuff.
And then Preston tells Alex that he loves his Gordon Gertrall shirt and everything. You know,
Alex was like, I don't get it. But then now they go into cars and they're going to go out to the
club. I feel bad. There's only like one club that they seem to go to. I think there's like one dance club and all of Martha's Vineyard that they're always going to.
It's something called like 11 something or another. So they head back over there
and they, oh, actually, no, I'm sorry. They don't go to the club this time. This time they're
actually just going to like a, um, a place with like picnic benches and stuff. And Alex is like,
guys, since we're at like a cheap bar, the
tab is on me. Don't worry, everyone, I got this.
So then, um, Bri is like, let just know well, it's like, okay, I'll do a prayer rub it
up. Thanks for the grab. Yeah, God love you. Bye. And Bri is like, yes. And God also helped
me keep my attitude in check. And she needs is like, I'd help me keep my attitude in check. And Shanice is like, and help me keep my vagina in my dress
and also God let's do a shot.
Good.
Thank you God for the shots.
Oh.
So they're having oysters and Noelle's like,
yeah, you're supposed to have oysters
in all of the months that have an R in it.
I saw that on Twitter or something.
Yeah. And so they, so just like talking,
Shanice is joking that she got a UTI from the slide and everything.
And Alex is like, have you ever hosted a party or are you just too
psycho to do that? I don't know. You're, she's, she's weird. I'm not,
I'm not comfortable with her.
And she needs to saying that that was her first party that she's ever hosted
ever. And so they're all like, yeah, good job. You did that.
Yeah. And Shanice is like, yeah, it was my first time mostly cause you guys paid
for it because we're in production, you know?
But another thing about my party is like everyone else's party,
we have to have like super serious conversations, but my party, we didn't,
we just had shots. It was amazing.
I'm like, yeah, good job. No substance. Great.
Great time.
Great party.
And Bria's like, yeah, that was pure fun.
Okay, now back to the drama.
So Jasmine, quick question.
Was it premeditated to have Jasmine here?
I mean, to have Mariah here?
And then it's like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
And Jasmine's like, I mean, yeah, I definitely wanted to invite her for sure.
And Bria's like, but was her ticket already booked?
She was, uh, I mean, as of as of now it is.
But you can tell you can't come up against Jasmine.
Jasmine argues every day she's married to Silas.
Yeah. You think that she's just going to give in this easy?
I love how she answers as if now it's it's booked,
which she's not going to give in.
And she was, but since when was it booked?
And she was probably last night.
So then receipts pop up saying five days ago.
So Jasmine's like, where does that narrative come from?
Premeditated, what's she talking about?
And she goes, you know how flights work, you know?
And if you had said no, flights are canceled.
And that's fine
And Brie is like, um after our conversation we called Phil and said he put and he said he planned on meeting up with Mariah
When she gets here
And Preston's like to come to the house and Brie's like that's what he said and George's like well, he's not welcome in the house and
They're all getting kind of like worked up about this and
Noelle's like no, no, he's not planning on coming to the house.
And Bree is just like, stop bugging out, okay?
Like all I'm saying is if he shows up,
it's not from us inviting him out.
I'm just letting you guys know.
And Jasmine's like, come on, it was an economic choice.
Okay.
And so now they're all stressed.
And Jordan's like, if they had done that with Phil,
we would be super, super pissed, you know?
So we have to understand why she's pissed.
And Summer's like, well, we should acknowledge
that at least Jasmine brought it up to everybody
and didn't just surprise everybody.
And Jordan's like, um,
I don't think that's a point actually, Summer.
And she goes, um, okay, my bad.
And Summer's like, yeah, Summer's like, my bad, it's not that deep, guys. And she goes, um, okay, my bad. And Summer's like,
yeah, Summer's like, my bad, it's not that deep, guys. And Bri goes, it is that deep.
She's like, I'm just saying, have some common respect. And she's like, it's very deep.
And Shanice is like, oh, we should do some shots. Shots. I respect shots. Common respect for shots.
So Jasmine's basically like, Bri, I don't want you to feel set up. And that
actually hurts my feelings that me booking a ticket behind your back and acting like it was
spontaneous hurt your feelings. So she tells us, listen, I had to ask my best friend to leave
because one person felt uncomfortable over laundry. So if I felt like she was dangerous,
I wouldn't have brought her. You know what I mean? So then,
by the way, the only reason,
the only true reason why Mariah was kicked out of the house was because Phil
was kicked out of the house and it became a,
it became sort of like not tit for tat because that minimizes it,
but it became a situation like Phil has to be kicked out because he's making
everyone feel uncomfortable. It's like, well, how do you have,
that's a double standard for Mariah because Mariah did something that made Bria feel really uncomfortable. It's like, well, how do you have, that's a double standard for Mariah because Mariah did something
that made Bria feel really uncomfortable.
It's like, okay, we'll kick everyone out
who makes people feel uncomfortable.
So Mariah was, if it hadn't been fulfilled,
Mariah probably would not have been kicked out.
So then Amir is talking to Summer
and he's such a shitster.
He's like, so Summer, you're pretty upset right now, huh?
So have you talked to Shanice yet?
Do it now. And she's like, oh God. So he's like, so Summer, you're pretty upset right now, huh? So have you talked to Shanice yet?
Do it now.
And she's like, oh God.
So he's like, Shanice,
do you wanna have a conversation with Summer?
Okay, Lisa Vanderpump.
So Shanice is like, oh, my brain is like fried right now.
I've never had so many conversations about one thing,
but okay, the reason I was upset is because,
you know, I've lost my job and I'm poor
and I'm poor and
I can't afford to dress nice. And you know, I have trust issues and that's why I have
a therapist. Uh, and someone's like, yeah, we should probably talk about that, but it's
not that you don't look good. You have the best body you put in the work. You just, you
just dress like you were in the movie Labyrinth. You look like a pile of clothes that fell on your head
from a skyscraper.
How do I put this kindly?
You look like you were rolled over by a snuffleupagus.
The hair just stuck to your butt.
It's like, whoa, wait a minute.
But you have a great body.
And that's what's so funny,
because you have a great body
and you hide it under all these terrible fabrics.
Isn't it?
It's kind of fun.
I'm so glad you're seeing a therapist.
Might I suggest asking the therapist
if you could borrow an outfit or two, maybe?
Maybe a stylist too.
I don't know, just work through it.
So people laugh because Summer's like,
I mean, you work out, but you stop no taste, basically.
And so Summer's like, stop, it's not funny right now.
And Jordan goes, who's laughing?
And she's like, they were.
I'm not talking about you, Jordan.
And she goes, then why are you turning up at me?
And then Brea is texting her mom.
She's like, I'm ready to go home.
And to prove it, here's a house emoji.
So you know exactly where I'm going.
And when she said that, I thought she meant like, oh, she's going to go back. She's leaving Martha's vineyard, but she was just telling her mom, she's just, she's just going back to the house. It's
like, okay, I think maybe you have too much of a relationship with your mom. That's, that's too
much information. I don't feel like any parent needs to know exactly. She was probably saying
she's ready to leave Martha's Vineyard.
That's her thing is like, she's always wanting to walk off. And I think people are like,
now listen, Bria, you can't keep walking off this year and spend two days in bed whenever you get
upset. Because this one, she got up and walked off, but just went to the kitchen and stayed kind of
in the room. And then she's like, I'm going to go home. But then she doesn't really. I think,
I think she's learning how to want to walk off, but stay even when it's
uncomfortable. So summer's like, well, um,
Shanice I'm sorry for what I said and when I said it and to show how sincere I
am. Here's a picture I just took of Alex from five minutes ago. Wait a second.
I just want you to notice how tastefully he's dressed.
Just, it's when he was sitting over there
on that side of the table.
I'm still on this side of the table.
I know, but this was in the past.
God, stop looking at me, Alex.
Jesus.
And here's-
Oh, he's looking away, hold on.
Okay.
Oh my God.
I can't believe John Legend is here.
What?
Just got another photo of him.
So easy to make him look away.
Oh, here's a picture of him throwing out the tofu
that Noelle got him.
Isn't that hilarious?
Oh, okay.
So now,
now Preston is like,
oh my God, she walks out so much.
I hope next time she walks out to New York or Germany,
cause Bria now leaves.
Now I just said Bria is learning to not walk off,
but she does.
She gets up and walks off.
So Summer's like, okay, so Preston,
was I wrong how I talked to Jordan?
And he's like, it's just that you raise your voice
sometimes, you know?
She's like, and she doesn't?
Because no, she does for sure, does also. And so then summer starts to cry and she goes, yeah, when I do it,
I'm wrong. Why does everyone allow Jordan to be mean?
Why can't we all go through this with love?
And she says that she's still learning Jordan and she's and Jordan's still
learning her. And she's very passionate when she talks and you can disagree with
me and that's fine. But how you talk to someone matters like for instance
If you tell one of your best friends that she's the worst dress in the house
You have to do it in a certain way. That's thoughtful and with love
Especially when she's broke and poor and thinks she's never gonna work again. You know what I mean? That's how to show love now
Sometimes I feel like Jordans cold and shows no friendship towards other people.
And also this is from watching her on Winter House.
There's like some, there's some moves that Jordan makes
that I'm like, eh, I don't know that she's the nicest.
Now that said, she was just crying to you in the bathroom
about losing her hair and all the stress
that that's putting her under.
And she came out anyway, and now you're crying,
wondering why she, like, hello.
She's like in a heightened emotional state.
Right, she might have something going on.
You know what I mean, Summer?
Right.
Think a little deeper on that subject.
Put two and two together there a little bit.
But then on the other hand,
Summer has just been like quote unquote attacked,
because it's reality TV, and she had like two people coming for her
at one dinner.
So that's probably got to be hard too, but these kids,
you know, these kids, you know,
they needed another 10 years on TV to get used to it.
I have a question.
What happened to the days when you could just make out
with someone in the lobby of a park Avenue,
apartment building, then go to Martha's Vineyard
and say something that has nothing to do with you,
you know? Exactly. God, those are the good old days. So Preston's like,
wow, you know, Summer and Jordan both can go from zero to 100 pretty quickly. I love
them, but their tones can be sharp, you know? And I hope I'm not in the middle of
this. I just hope I'm not in the middle of this. Yeah. I really just want to fight with Bria all the time.
So now is when they go to the club, 11 circuit,
and Jasmine is in the car and well, whatever.
And so they are all dancing and Shanice is like,
oh, shot, shot, shot, shot, shots.
And I just thought it was really weird language
because Jasmine's like, well, I wish Bria was coming with us, but she's at home.
That's her choice.
Her body, her choice.
I was like, why are you using
pregnancy termination language?
That's weird.
Her, she's like, she decided to physically move her body
into the car and go to the house emoji building
and that is her body's choice.
Yeah, I don't know why I was, I didn't really get it.
Okay, so now Alex is flirting with somebody at the club.
Of course.
And the girls go to the bathroom,
which of course Noelle is new and doesn't really understand.
They're still listening to you, right?
So we see the camera behind the door
or in front of the door, they're behind the door.
And Noelle's like, um, Jasmine,
so Alex and this girl are flirting.
And I know I don't really have a right to feel this way.
And Jasmine's like, you do have a right to feel that way. Your body,
your choice.
You have this one body, this one moment.
She just moves into Bonita language now. So Shanice is like, Oh,
Alex is a fuck boy. And Noel's like, he is. She's like, yeah,
just like watch the way he moves, which Shanice is a hundred percent correct about.
So then Bria gets home and she's calling her mom. She's like, I'm home.
For some reason, Jasmine thought it was okay to bring Mariah out.
She doesn't know the information I know. I think she's lying.
And you know that the mom's like,
you made me pause NCIS to listen to this stupid story.
The mom's like, can I go one day
without you calling me crying about somebody?
So then, so outside the girls are talking about Alex still.
And then Alex comes up and he's like,
did I hear someone say legend?
And they're like, okay, we'll let you guys talk.
So she starts doing this like self protecting applying of
lip gloss. She's like,
but also by the way, before this even happened, like right before this,
when Noel was trying to figure out where she stands with Alex,
the girls tell her, you know,
Alex is the sort of person who really responds well to when you're straight up with him
So she was like, okay, cool
Okay, so then
She's like, okay, so you're an attractive person and I like you but you're probably you probably don't even know that
I have an interest in you. Did you know that I have an interest in you and he's like, uh
Well, I think that you kind of shared me that with a little bit, you know, but I'm just enjoying getting to know you as a new person in the group who
brings incorrect foods to me.
Yeah. I mean,
I thought you had an interest in me until you brought something for me to eat
that I clearly don't like. Like who does that to someone that they like? Gross.
And so she's like, well,
a toxic trait of mine is that I can be very territorial with people.
And I am being like that with you. But last night I was acting like I was single too.
So I don't really have a right to be mad. And so I just want you to move freely,
but also know that I'm someone who has an interest in you.
Um, listen, Noel, I'm just to put this out here. Uncle Ben,
Uncle Ben has this to say, uh,
don't advertise your toxic traits in the courtship phase.
So if you're saying, if you're saying I have an interest in you,
but I have a toxic trait that I'm territorial, it's not, it's,
that's not going to be a value add in that moment. Just gonna put that out there as a suggestion. And he's like, that's not gonna be a value add in that moment.
Just gonna put that out there as a suggestion.
And he's like, well, I think you're a sweet girl,
but I've been in a lot of situations
where people create expectations of me.
And she goes like this,
and then she just starts glossing again.
Yeah.
And he's like, yeah, which by the way,
more fuck boy language, people put expectations on me.
I'm an artist, I'm a free spirit.
And so then of course, of course he says this, he goes,
you know, I just got into a situation and it was too fast.
And that situation made me change
how I approach relationships.
And Noelle is great, but she's also Summer's friend
and I'm not here for the drama.
Just wanna slow it down.
Yeah, so he cuts her off at the knees pretty much.
And she's like, well, that's a cute way
of saying I'm not interested.
But you know what?
It's good that she did this.
I mean, it's kind of, I can understand
why she's totally humiliated,
but this would have been a really long summer of him and his terrible flirting
and her thinking it means something
when he was just gonna do this the whole time, you know?
And Noel goes, I get it.
I'm feeling so embarrassed.
And he's like, listen, don't be embarrassed.
You didn't know I hate tofu.
I mean, you should have if you were interested in me,
but nothing to be embarrassed about.
She's like, no, not about that. Okay.
I'm going to go gloss over there in the corner.
And of course, Alex does exactly what you think he would. He goes straight to Amir and he's like,
wow, that was an ambush. It's like she's already decided in her mind that I was her man.
That's not what it was at all. First of all, it wasn't an ambush. Second of all,
she just showed you that she was interested in you.
And the fact that he took it that way shows,
again, what a fuck boy he is.
Like, this is what he always does.
Like, these women are crazy right now.
Yeah.
So now it's time to head home.
So Jordan's like, okay, Summer, I guess we need to talk.
And I guess you're leaving.
And she's like, I'm not leaving.
I just need air, it's hot.
She goes, okay, okay, then go get some air then.
She goes, I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know what happened to this club,
but tensions are heightened now.
So Jordan's like, okay, but you interrupted me
and then you wanna turn up at me?
And she goes, can I answer now?
Can I answer?
It's always your way, you wanna attack people.
She's like, you feel attacked?
She goes, I can't say a word
I can't say anything Preston Simon
Preston's like, um, it doesn't sound like you guys really hear each other to be honest and someone goes
I don't think we are and then she starts sobbing and
Heads out of the car, but she doesn't really leave the car and summer's like I'm gonna say one thing and then walk away again
Because I'm not a good friend to you. I'm a piece of shit.
And Jordan's like, I never said anything to her.
I didn't even say anything.
Well, you didn't say.
I'm like, this driver is like, girls, can you get out of my car?
I have other affairs.
This is so drunk fighting.
To be continued. You did it, you did it.
To be continued.
To be continued, will they ever make it from the Uber into the house, who knows?
Don, don.
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