Watch What Crappens - #2386 PumpRules, Part 1: Three’s Frumpany

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

This week on Vanderpump Rules (S11E11) Tom Schwartz hurts Jo’s feelings and then finds out Katie is dating the same girl he’s into. Most fascinating threesome EVER. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Well hello everybody and welcome to What's What Crappens? The podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Yo Braves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? So, God, everybody, we have some exciting stuff coming up.

We're going to Europa, London, Dublin, Birmingham. We're also going to Los Angeles in May. All of May, this is all happening in May. Go get tickets for that stuff over at watchoutcrapings.com because it's gonna be really exciting for us. Also, this is Vanderpump Rules, so welcome to that show. You guys have been asking for Vanderpump Villa. You've nagged us enough and we're gonna do it.

We have to do it. You've relented. So there've already been four episodes. So we're gonna catch up with all those in a special two-part bonus episode next week, Monday on our Patreon. Thank you everybody for being part of our Patreon, for being part of our show.

We don't care if you're part of Patreon, we're just here, we're in your ears. That's all that matters. So Ben, how's everything going with you today, hun? Good, but I have to issue a heartfelt apology to all the listeners who I let down when I basically revealed that I don't watch the Vanderpump Rules After Show.

Because last week, I was very excited that I was able to do some sleuthing and that I was able to piece together two matching pieces of b-roll between the valley and van der pump rules and I was like hey I just realized Kristen and Katie are in the same building and they haven't really like mentioned that on the shows. Well, God forbid, God forbid I get excited about something in this world because apparently this was discussed in a banner from rules after show. And apparently there were people who watched that. And apparently if you don't watch it, you are, you are below even human status because all week long, Ben, this was discussed actually on the after show.

Like how did you not even see that? Like you need to start watching the after show because you can't just like be saying things like this was like we already knew this. So I apologize. Like literal idiot Ben. I apologize for being late to the housing gossip circuit for Kristen and Katie. This was apparently very public news. And the thing I was very the housing gossip circuit for Kristin and Katie.

This was apparently very public news and the thing I was very excited about, everyone already knew about. And so I hang my head in shame as a failed podcaster. There, you have my heart. Listen, they're putting a lot on these after shows. It's like their version of Patreon, you know, is what they're doing.

And they're like, oh, if you don't watch this on the after show or you don't watch Peacock, you don't get these scenes. If you don't watch the after show, you don, is what they're doing. And they're like, oh, if you don't watch, if you don't watch this on the after show, or you don't watch Peacock, you don't get these scenes. If you don't watch the after show, you don't know this stuff. I'm sorry, I give this channel enough of my time. Like enough, okay? And we would love to be watching this show on Peacock because we missed a scene of James's mother last week.

And listen, I love a vile person on my television. I love it. She is one of the most interesting character studies in a long time. I didn't abuse you, you were raised in a Tiffany's. Um, I would have loved to have seen that, but they didn't show it in the regular episode. And there's some things we miss

because of screeners and stuff like that, which is how you're listening to this in the morning, some of you, instead of waiting for a full day for us to turn it around. So, you know, whatever, it is what it is. When I'm old and older and drier, I will rewatch all of this show again. But for now, we get the regular poor people version,

the Arizona Bravo. And- Yes. The one where you have to do your own detective work to find out which people are living in which building. So either way, no, for in all honesty, yeah, no, I definitely did not see the after show. So I missed that. And it is kind of hilarious that I was so excited to announce like information that like a lot of people already knew. And it's like information I'm sure no one really cared about.

But then like the moment. Honestly, this is a lot. The moment that I announced it as like. This is a lot of hand-wringing over information I could give two fucks about. I don't care where those people live. And might as well. By the way, let's.

It's one more building to avoid. It's like the fucking IRS building. And I guess let's just like nip this one in the bud. I don't think we have to wait until Monday to do this. Real Housewives of Potomac, there's a lot of discussion about Mia using an IUD. Apparently she used an IUI, which is a totally different thing.

So we got that one too. So thank you, everyone. She's got lots of IOUs. There's a lot going on with Mia on that show, are they? That was not something that was on the after show for Potomac, that was just on the show. And we missed that. That was just for ignorant penis owning people

who don't understand a lot of things. You know, she says IUI, I hear IUD, and you know, hilarity ensues. Okay, so here we go. This is VPR, the gay baiting episode. That's what I like to call it. Queer baiting, nice queer baiting going on on Vanderpump Rules.

Very popular this year on Bravo. We've got Kyle with Morgan Wade. We've got Katie with Sheena's five year old fuck, or 15 year old nanny, whatever the hell's going on over there. So let's get into it. Yeah, let's get into our own little Vanderpump Rules salt burn episode.

So Ariana, so we're, it's get into our own little Vanderpump Rules salt burn episode. So Ariana, so we're, it's very quiet. The episode, we don't get the opening music, which is just like silence as we see the logo, see the beach, we're still on beach day. And Ariana is sitting there in the sand in the tent and she's like, you guys like, he's fucking sucks. Like literally what's up with this? Why don, you guys like he's fucking sucks. Like literally what's up with this? Why don't you guys realize he's the worst?

And Bronx like, well, I think this guy's been castrated and he's sitting in the corner. And she's like, I disagree. He's literally throwing jabs at me and he's not castrated. And by the way, he is not castrated. He is going out, living his best life, going on to other reality shows, becoming friends with Jojo Siwa, man, doing his his his show like capitalized off of it. This is not a castrated when he just became friends with Jojo Siwa. Takes a lot of balls to want to be around that much volume. Yeah, Brock, please be quiet.

Okay? There's a lot of jabs we could be throwing at you right now that just, I'm just too tired, but honestly, shut up. This is not your place to be telling someone to just get the fuck over it. Okay? Mr. Living in a completely different country than the person he committed to and had children with.

Okay? So Ariana's like, yeah, fuck that guy. than the person he committed to and had children with, okay? So Ariana's like, yeah, fuck that guy. And he's like, you guys are going tit for tat. No, he went for tit. She went to a funeral. Yeah, I don't really understand how you're gonna bring, you're gonna keep bringing this person around her and then allow him to sit there and be like,

she never cleaned up her cat poop you're gonna keep bringing this person around her and then allow him to sit there and be like, she never cleaned up her cat poop and expect her not to flip out on him. And I'm really glad she finally got to have this moment where she's like, well, first she cries and she's, well, just the basic moment where she's like, what the fuck you guys, what am I supposed to do? What do you think I'm gonna do?

It's like exactly, what the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? It's like, exactly what the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? Right? Um, remember, um, remember when on Real House was a Beverly Hills this past season, when Anne Marie was like making us think about son's esophagus at that dinner party. And she was like, I've just like never heard of that being remember that? Remember? That was such a. No. Mm-mm. But remember when that, remember when that, that show, remember when that episode aired, when she was like questioning Sutton's esophagus.

Remember that? I remember how we were all like, what the fuck? Like. I didn't really completely forgot about it. But it was like what? Like we all got annoyed. That was like about three months ago. Maybe even more than three months ago. That was like about three months ago, maybe even more

than three months ago. That was such an annoying storyline. Still mad, right? Guess what? Still mad. This scene here with Ariana was like three months after the reunion. I'm saying this to illustrate how quickly time flies. And like, if someone said to me right now, like, Ben, you have to stop being annoyed about that esophagus fight. I'd be like, no, it's I'm, I'm still in the annoyance window. Like I'm allowed. So I think that like Ariana is allowed to still be going tit for tat, even though she's not going to for tat. I think she's allowed to be angry and rageful about what Tom Sandoval did because like if we're all going to still be mad at things that happened on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills three months ago, let alone things that happened on anything

that happened on Bravo two years ago, then I think we're allowed to give Ariana a three month period of being angry at Tom Sandoval. Well, also you just don't bring him to the same exact places and to say like, sure, beach picnic and let's just see how this goes. It's gonna be great. Hey, why are you so mad?

Why are you so mad? Now I get that they're both at work as well and they have to shoot a show and et cetera, et cetera. But you know, in that case, bring Rand to the picnic. I need to know Rand's opinions. Exactly, cause you know, Ariana, like the point that you've made. Bring Shay, where's Shay at?

We haven't had an update from Shay in a while. Let's get Shay on the show, guys. Yeah, because like, you know, you've made the point that like, you know, yes, it's unfair that Ariana has to be around her ex, but a show still has to be shot, and like, the cast can't be divided. Well, now Ariana's showing up,

and this is not anything to push back on you. I'm just saying, Ariana is like begrudgingly like, okay, I will do my task. I will do what I'm shooting with him. But now you also want me to be like happy that I have to be around him? Like, no, of course not. And so for Brock to come in and say, well, he's been castrated, it's like not enough, I'd say.

Not enough. Yeah, he could be castrated and he'd still be, he'd still fill out a pair of budgie smugglers better than you probably. Just gotta put that out there. Speaking of castrated. So, yeah, you know, I think what you're saying is you just really can't win in this situation.

Like, okay, oh, so you refuse to be random? We don't have a show. Oh, so you are random? Well, now you're a bitch. So, you know, I guess it's the no-win, the no-win situation. Now, as a viewer, it does get like, okay, well, I'm just sick of watching people

scream at each other and fight. But you know what? As a viewer to another viewer, as myself to myself, I say, then go watch another channel. Because that's what you're in for on this channel. So enjoy it. And this was like the Ariana is vulnerable episode to a certain degree, right, in a little bit.

So she's basically like, look, I'm allowed to feel a certain sort of way because he did this shit to me. I never did anything to him, you know? She says, this man not only tried to ruin me, but now he's saying whatever he possibly can to make it seem like I'm a horrible partner. And this is the type of conversations he has about me

with all the people are present, then fuck any of y'all who aren't telling him to shut up. Yeah. And so Schwartz is like, hey, oh, hi guys, hi, it's just me. It's a sweet boy, Tom Schwartz, he never does anything. Where am I? Am I wearing any makeup right now?

Okay, well, I'm gonna go to the bar because maybe things should cool off with crazy pants over there. Whoa, did I say that out loud? I just don't wanna jeopardize the vibe, guys. And she was like, okay, okay, bye. Bye, bye, bye. Bye.

Bye. And then he just quiets down because his fucking good boy act is wearing so thin at this point. And so he looks at Katie like, oh, and she just stares back at him like, stupid, go away. Run, stupid.

Die in the sand. I hope a dune sandworm comes and meets you up before you get to the bar. You've got to finish that book. I do, I do. Every time I sit down, I just want to do something else. You really got to finish that book.

So the Toms walk away and Santa's like, oh, is Ariana getting emotional? He's like, oh, let's just have a breather. So, you know, Ariana's still like, you know, he doesn't get it. Like, you know, I didn't do this. And Lala's like, yes, but like, if you were to say to use something like,

I don't want him to say shit to me. I want him to jump in the fucking ocean. She's like, but then he has no way of winnings. No, he doesn't have a fucking way of winning. What does he need to win? He cheated, he's an asshole, and now he just needs to go away. That's it.

That's winning is going away. So now the Toms are at a bar and Sandy Ball's like, hey, do you have something that's like frozen and delicious that's like frozen and delicious that's like not alcoholic? I'm sort of like turning over a new leaf right now, dude. Ah! And Schwartz is like,

ah, oh, you guys need to get out of that house together. I'm a good little boy making suggestions. It's like, dude, I love Maya. I mean, don't say I signed the adoption papers and I paid for it. I mean, it's like, Ariana, I paid for everything else in my relationship. So does that mean everything else is mine? Everything the house needs from like toilet paper to trash bags,

the pens, the batteries, the erasers, the eraser, like replacements, like the invisible ink pens, you know, like the ones you can like erasable ink, you know, like all the different types of pens, like literally every single thing from the stationary island target. Like I bought that for us. Yeah. He thinks like going to a Walgreens makes him right in every situation.

Like I know where the Walgreens is, you know? So we know who does that stuff anyway, it's fucking Anne. We know you don't know shit, Tom. Have you forgotten this entire season is showing us what you really do, which is nothing. I mean, granted you pay someone to do it, so that's something, but shut up. So one year earlier, Sandoval is,

we see the argument of, Larry, when was the last time you went to the store and bought toilet paper or batteries? And I also like that he keeps specifying the pens in the drawer because that is such a thing. Like, where's the pen? How do I have 97 pens and I can't find one in the pen drawer? He's literally acting like he is running like an old timey

like office full of secretaries that I'll need to write in shorthand. Like the pens in the drawer keep this place alive. Like, I'm pretty sure in this digital landscape, there's not a lot of need for pens in the drawer at the sand of all households. It's a job that hasn't been important, like in decades. Oh my God, I was gonna make sure the pens are stacked. America's hero, stocking the pens in all the drawers.

For all the note- needs, one needs. Oh gosh. Okay, so the producer's like, you got destroyed on the internet for saying that you always stock the batteries and the toilet paper. Why are you bringing it up again? And he's like, oh, guy, I just think like Arianna's gonna be like in for it.

Like when she's like alone living on her own, she's like, where's the pens? That's what I'm saying bro. The reason he's bringing it up again is because the man learns no lessons. He learns no lessons. That's how he can go on stage over and over and still not hit a note.

The man doesn't learn, all right? You know, I have to say one of my favorite episodes of Scared Straight is when teenagers had to go to the drug store and buy pencils for themselves for the first time. And like when they realized the task and the responsibility they're in and how they changed their lives, wow.

He's right, Sandoval's right. She does not know what she's in for. So back at the beach, Brock's hungry of course. And Sheena's like, wow, Tori's coming to the bar, so. And they're talking about Tori now, like suddenly Tori's a thing. I think the producers's like, wow, Tori's coming to the bar, so. And they're talking about Tori now, like suddenly Tori's the thing. I think the producers were like, what are we doing with this season?

Nothing's happening. Call Tori in, call Joe in, get these people in. And now we're supposed to pretend like they've been storylines the whole season. I know, like I'm okay with the Joe thing, but the Tori thing just really feels like a strange, a strange thing that's been thrown into the mix. I'm, I'm, I'll see, I'm not going to co-sign it. I don't love the Tory storyline.

I just feel like the Tory storyline either. And I feel like it's just a younger show and Tom and Katie are giving me creepy swinger couple on vacation vibes where they're just like coming onto someone way too young, sitting on either side of her, like, Hey, who do you like better? You ever smoked a cigarette before, honey? You like boy, and I like boy. It's like, what?

You're both fucking creeps. I know that they think like dating a 15 year old at the same time makes them like look hip and cool, but it really just makes them look like they need to be driving a beat up old white van around the park. It's creepy. I don't like it. Yeah, I just thought it just, it just, it's like Tori is this person just been kind of like inserted onto the show. Like Joe, at least there is like a track record. There's

a history there. Also Joe, I think it's just more interesting than Tori. Tori is just kind of like generic LA wannabe reality star, which one could say that about this entire cast at one point, but she really is. Like she just is inserted in and suddenly is just gonna like truly go for low hanging fruit. So why don't we go back? The rest of the cast I don't think was like that because back in that time, they were like, we're not reality people, we are actors. We're like serious actors. I can't even believe I'm doing reality.

Like remember, Ariana didn't want to do it because she's a real actor. And neither did Jax. Jax is like, I'm a real actor. So they looked down on doing it. They looked at it. But that being said, Stassi had put a ton of amazing race.

Yeah. Right, well, Stassi, yeah. But most of the cast, but this girl actually grew up her time on the Amazing Race. Yeah. Right, well Stassi, yeah, but most of the cast. But this girl actually grew up watching Van Der Prump Rules and this is like the end. It's like, all I have to do is bang Katie and Schwartz. Yeah, it's not worth it. Go find another cell.

Yeah. You're gonna bang Link and what did we say she looked like? I don't even know who we compared her to last week in that outfit. Like a bag of Thomas's English muffins. I don't know. That's so specific. I know, but for some reason, that's the energy

she was giving in that denim. It works. It does work. Yeah, it's sort of like this roughly, like this plasticky, I don't know. So, I mean, she didn't look anything like it but it just that was the energy. So Tori's coming and James like, I think that short's secretly obsessed with that girl. And she was like, yeah, huh?

And Lala's like, what are you laughing at? And she's like, because I know the true story. I know I don't have the best track record with like matchmaking, but like, I feel like now that Kitty is like totally over Schwartz and like might be okay to like set them up again. So like naturally I like introduced him to like my former nanny, Tori.

Isn't Tori her cousin? Tori is I think just like a good friend. Cause her, yeah. Oh, I thought Tori was her cousin or something. So anyway, former nanny, man, people just can't keep their jobs on this show, poor thing. Oh.

And, and, and too. Well, I remember, Tori was hired. Tori was hired because like another one of her clients had like a newborn baby, so like Tori had to go work for them instead. Yeah. Like Tori didn't know the baby was coming. I don't know that I would trust Tori, you know?

Takes a nanny job, not remembering that her other nanny job is about to splurt out a baby, like really? Okay, so anyway, Tori's not trustworthy. There, you heard it here first, guys. Tell your friends. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. So, we see six days earlier,

Tori's like, oh my God, Sheena, you should help me go on a date. And Sheena's saying, yeah, well, I mean, if you want to make out with Schwartz, just go make out with Schwartz. And she goes, oh my God. Just so you know, Schwartz, this is at the club everybody's been talking about

all over town, Hotel Ziggy. She's like, Schwartz, just so you know, I think you're hot. Hi, back to present, but clearly I misjudged things because when Katie heard about it, she was like, no, Tori should like date me instead. And we go back to another flashback at Hotel Ziggy of Katie saying to Tori, or Tori saying to Katie, oh my God, I fucking love your hair.

Yeah. Which is like, sorry. Tory is like a mosquito at a screen door in the summer, girl. She's just looking for a way in. She doesn't care. She's like, she'll just keep bumping up at looking for like a little crack. Squeeze her right in.

She's gonna get there. So, uh, she was like, Oh, but all is fair. Love and war with Katie and Schwartz. Oh, you got love and war. I miss still your girl. So now we're back at the bar that's by the beach and Schwartz like, hold on, Katie's calling me. She's calling me.

We're finally getting to the place where we speak on the phone again. So Katie calls from the beach and is like, you left all your stuff here. Yeah, but it was for the greater cause. What cause? Oh, for Ariana's feelings, the whole vibe of the beach day,

I got Sandoval out of there. Ariana's feelings? Hold on, a wave is coming in, the wave says, oh, and he's like, OK, but, you know, I'm just a vibe saver. This means my superpower, you know, saving vibes. But thanks for grabbing my stuff. I really appreciate it. She goes, I'm not grabbing anything.

This is me letting you know that it's down here by. I really enjoyed that move by her. You have to come all the way back out to the beach to get your shitty things. But yeah, cause get your shit on the beach for a stupid. So then everyone goes to the bar and we get an episode of let's watch these people who don't want to hang out with each other before us to hang out. So in a different configuration now. So Lala is like, oh my God, this place is so cute.

Yeah. So cute. So cute. And then Sandoval, there's like a group of girls sort of sitting in one area. There's basically two rooms and there's like the Sandoval room and there's the rest of the cast room.

So in the Sandoval room, he's there with the ball room is like the Chuck E. Cheese. It's like where the speedball machines and the children are. Like, is there anybody that is going to be floated with on this show today? That's not in high school. It's like where the double dragon arcade games are. So seriously, it's like, all right, well, you guys be mean all you want to. I'll be over here in the ball pit with these girls from here. Here wants around to diet, coax and pizza. So he's like, sup, guys, I'm Tom. He says

that there are the girls and one girl, of course, goes, hi, I'm Madison, because of course her name is Madison. I said, well like, Madison, what would you like to get your friends around of? Sprite, Mountain Dew, Diet Coke, it's on me, man. SHERLYN TEMPLE, whoa, big spender there, Mads. I got a bunch of quarters if you guys wanna play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles over there. Such a fun game. So then Tori comes like, hi everybody, Tori's here.

So Tori goes to the other group and she sees Sandoval toasting the newbies. And he's like, all right, to Venice, to sound and laughter and continued happily ever after. I'm a musician, cheers. And so then Tory shows up and Schwartz is joking, he goes, oh God, my girlfriend's here. And she's like, are you gonna involve me in our conversation?

That was acting. I'm an actress. Trained. Trained in the Stella Archwar Theater. Not Stella. Kidding girls. Kidding girls. I'm like, oh, my God, that was so funny. I was like, that's so dramatic. But then you were kidding. Yeah, you guys, I'm just totally kidding.

I'm in the UODA-Hagan school. So Schwartz is like, so then Schwartz is like, oh, okay, I'd offer you a drink, but I can't remember what you like. And she sort of like gives him this look like, mm-hmm. And he goes, oh, you like tequila. And she like rolls her eyes and goes, no, no, no, you like champagne. And then she like m her eyes and goes, no, no, no, you like champagne.

And then she like mugs to the camera, like sure do. I was like, could you please turn off your sitcom 101 acting class for us, please? Please get your Zoe, like Disney acting ass off my show, please. She does do that. She like twinks at the camera like, shampers it is.

And Schwartz is doing everything like, well, look at me camera like, Shappers it is. And Schwartz is doing it being like, well, look at me like just nagging people and like suggesting that I only have eyes for Katie by suggesting that this girl only likes tequila. And then on Winterhouse, when I kept calling that other girl Katie the whole time, it's like, oh God, we get it. So annoying.

So Tori's like, so, you going to ask me out on a date or are you just going to send a fire emojis? Am I right, America? Q the wacky neighbor coming in. Come on, Joe Isuzu, get in here. Wait a minute, are you saying that this isn't a date? She's just like, no. But do you want to go on a date with me?

She's like, okay, she wants to go on a date. We're going on a date. She's just he's just like now. But do you want to you do what you want to go on a date with me? She's okay. She was going on a date. We're going on a date. She like mugs the camera like it's gonna freeze and go to commercial. It's like, ma'am, you're not on a sitcom. So now that he's watching this from the other room from adult room. And so she's like, so she leaves the she leaves and goes over to cock block and she was like,

where did you come from? We're doing a sitcom here and you're a one hour procedural, get out of here. Don't worry about us, Tom. Me and this girl just talking, right honey? Right? This is my day. Katie, you didn't buy her this bottle of champagne.

She's just not even champagne. That's not even champagne. That's Koo-veh. Yeah, it is, it's brute. It's brute. It's not champagne. That comes, only things that are made in champagne are allowed to be called champagne.

That was made in... He's like, I don't know if Katie's really into Tori or if she just wants to compete with me and prove that she's better. Yeah. Well if he doesn't like me taking girls from him, then he should like try harder. I think someone wants to talk to you by the way, short. Oh, sorry. I was letting my previous disdain noise. I was letting my previous disdain noise. I was interrupting my previous disdain. Hold on, let me let it finish.

Okay, there we go. Schwartz, I think someone over there wants to talk to you. Her name is like Madison or Madison or maybe it's Madison. You're ignoring her. You're being rude. It's like, okay. So he just goes over to the teenagers. And then Katie continues her flirting with Tori.

And at first, Tori is like, I mean, I felt like Tori's vibe was like, one minute she's with Schwartz, like, oh my God, we're going on a date. And then Katie comes over, she's like, hi. But then it changed in the next scene. So then James is playing cornhole, because what else would he do?

And then Brock is playing ping pong with Ali Bally and they're making small talk. He's like, you got any siblings? She's no. Well, how'd you like that? She's I loved it. Ali Bally. Isn't it amazing that we're playing cornhole and ping pong without a plane over head? Damn it.

Stop following me. Southwest. Damn it. Stop following me. Southwest. There's a big thing. I don't know if it's just on Bravo shows, but there's, it seems to be a big thing going on in LA right now where they're like adults, adults like playing games that kids like because they had that they're here today. Then they were at circus, the circus place on the Valley. And then remember they were at the other circus fair place here a couple of weeks ago, or a few weeks ago

on that date with Joe, where Joe was like, oh my God, why do they have carnival games here? Oh, I have carnivals. Ronnie, this was addressed on the after show. So, I'm just kidding. Yeah, I think it's just like, maybe after the trauma of the past, like four years, people just want some like nostalgic favorites,

you know, to get them through the day. Fair, that's fair. Yeah. So Lala's like, Ariana, we know you can't control Toms, but like what he does and how he acts, you can only control yourselves. But like, do you feel like there's unresolved feelings?

It's like, no, of course not Lala, no unresolved feelings at all. She's just really angry for the fun of it. Well, you understand that Lala is just trying to make it about her and Rand, right? She's like, do you ever feel like he just completely disrespects you? And then when it's the time for the audience to finally understand what you're going through, someone else gets cheated on and steals your thunder. Is that what it feels? I totally know what that feels like. I totally know.

Arianna, do you ever feel like, you know, ever since we're dating your lovers that you were like, you now have a distorted view of how much is an appropriate amount of fried chicken to get at a restaurant? Because like now I don't even know how much I'm supposed to get for myself anymore. Are you really upset because you don't know what it's like to see a piece of fried chicken without full body cringing anymore? So, uh, I was like, uh, she was like, you know, I know they met up anger. I feel I understand it's not healthy. And she's, yeah, I wish there could just be like a calm conversation where it's like,

I know I fucked up and by the way, you know, who'd be a really great person for Dancing with the Stars would be Sheena Marie. Like, I don't know, like something like that. I wish we could just have a conversation about that. Saying I fucked up. Why is it like, why is it such a Pat thing? Like, oh my God, I wish you guys could just have

a conversation where he says, sorry. Well, yeah, that would be great, Sheena. That would just solve fucking everything, wouldn't it? Jesus. Yeah, Arianne's like, yeah, but he's never going to say it. He's like never even said he's fucked up about the main thing. Just, yeah, but you know what's,

do you almost feel like when you're looking at him, it's like you just threw me away. Like I was just nothing, because it's so funny, because that's how I felt with Rance, because like we had a marriage, and he just like threw me away. And I was just like, wow, this is probably going to break the internet with this storyline. Should we talk about my storyline actually?

Because I'm happy to talk about it. So Ariana starts crying and Lala is like, yeah, it's like you create a life with someone and you get the Hollywood Hills mansion like redone the way you want to and then this happens, you know, it's like hearts. And there's no guarantees of relationships gonna work out. And she has like, Yeah, I mean, that's your dream house. And he broke that house. And now let's just get you out of that house. And who cares about money? Or, you know, like, it's all about your

house. Whose side are you on? And why are you trying to get her to move out? Get him to move out? I'm sorry, I can I can see why she wants to throw these people off the side of a cliff. I get the whole like, okay, we're trying to shoot a show and we should probably figure out a way to do this. But to be like, you need to get out of that house. No, how about you go advocate to Tom to stop being so fucking immature and sell the house? They should, absolutely.

So now Ariana's crying, she's really crying. I don't think we've really have seen her crying at all through this process. She's just been, you know, like, understandably very angry. And so she's like, you're right. It just it sucks because I put so much life and my money and my time and to make this my dream house and it was my dream house. And not only did he wreck it, but the way he wants to act like he's somewhat deserving of staying there and he keeps it and just the digs and there's just so many pens in our drawers. It's actually really annoying.

I don't know why. And she's, you know, she reminds them again, I never did anything to him. Like everyone's acting like this is some war of the roses scenario where we've just been fucking with each other for all this time, but no, like he was some war of the roses scenario where we've just been fucking with each other for all this time, but no, like he was fucking one of my best friends

and just fucked me over guys, okay? Let's try and keep that in mind. So she's telling us like, I keep this armor up because this shit is fucking traumatic. Okay? And so she's trying to find, you know, she doesn't know why it's everybody else's problem, you know, but this guy has nowhere more,

it's just frustrating. So Lala's like, I mean, out of all the ways she could have handled it, you fucking roasted the occasion, you grabbed the opportunity by the balls and you just rants and that's what she did girls. Yeah, and like while you're holding those balls and running, like maybe if you wanna put in a call

to dance from the stars, I don't know, like maybe you could do that, I don't know. So you know what, one, just one day, it would be nice to open that kitchen counter and not find a bunch of Bic pens, when all I really want are Bic razors. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at the bar, Tori is talking to Katie and Tori is much warmer now because she realizes, oh, I can also just sleep with Katie to get on the show, not just shorts. Mosquito, it's a screen door. She's like, oh my God, maybe I can fit through this tiny square.

It's like when you make a wrong turn when following Google Maps and you're like, shit, I missed the turn. But it says this route is also the same ETA. You're like, yes. Similar ETA. You're like, yes. Similar ETA. So Tori was like, so have you dated a girl, Katie? And she's like, no. Have you had sex with a girl? Yeah, it's better, right? Well, I would never put any kind of label on myself.

I like people. Oh yeah, that's Katie. Real people lover over there. I guess I would classify myself as a sexual. My pronouns are slash. I'm not Harry. So Tara's like, oh my God, you are so cute. You're making me so nervous by being so cute.

I know. Why? Why? You're just like so pretty. Oh my God, I wanna kiss you so bad. And she's like, yeah, I wanna kiss you. And Katie's like, you can kiss me. And so they kiss.

And then the audience goes, ooh. The second-come audience. The junior high girls are like, oh my God, it's that girl from our class making out with that old lady. So now- Thank God for James. Thank God for James and this show to speak my mind for me. Cause I was like, what is it?

Where are we? What is going on? Okay, so it's the new day, right? So it's, Joe is, is there at a hot dog place? Okay. There at a, so there at a hot dog place? Okay. There had a, so there's a famous hot dog stand here in LA called Tail of the Pup. And it's a giant hot dog stand that's shaped like a hot dog. And, um, I don't know why I thought it was just so funny.

And I can't believe we hadn't come to this place before on the show that like Lala and Joe were having lunch at a giant hot dog. And the funny thing is that this hot dog stand is architecturally significant, which is wild. You wouldn't think it is, but it is like a significant piece of architecture because it's like an example of a specific type of architecture where the building looks like the thing it's purveying. So I just love them being at an architecturally significant oversized hot dog to shoot a scene. We're in, oh, let's shoot this at the architecturally significant hot dog. Wow. I can't believe that we're showing up at Rand's lunch. Giant hot dogs. So Lala comes to lunch with Joe, which is super weird. And Joe's like, oh my God, this is a hot dog place.

I love this place. This is a building. It's a building with a hot dog. It looks like a hot dog. Am I supposed to eat the building? I'll eat the building. Joe, Joe, take your teeth off the building, Joe. Joe, take your teeth off.

Joe, Joe, you gotta stop doing this, Joe. You're never gonna be part of the group if you eat buildings. Come on, Joe, back it up. Mustard really does make everything taste better. Okay, Jos, stop putting mustard on the buildings. It's not good. You're getting it. Come on, Jos.

We look like a lesbian couple. We look like a lesbian couple together. It's crazy. Yeah, I was gonna try to push that narrative, but then Katie stole my storyline again. So, oh well. Am I a lesbian? And she's like, oh my God, yeah. Thank you so much for coming here. Thank you. Thank you for not being a Vaseline lesbian. That would have made this

more awkward. I love lipstick. You're so pretty. Hey, thanks for coming here. Okay, because Tom Schwartz told me like, I really want you to talk lala at some point. Super important. Something about you being maybe like a washed up housewife with giant lips that don't make any sense. He's right. But guess what? They do make sense. I like them. You could float. You probably float. Do you float? Do you take baths? If you took baths, you'd probably float in them. Okay, Joe, I'm going to need you to stop biting the tables. Okay, because this doesn't even look like hot dog. You're just biting the table. Just biting the table, Joe. Joe, Joe.

No, stop that. Listen, so I saw you the other night at Hotel Ziggy and I saw from afar that you were not okay. You were chewing on a pillow. Very much so. You were chewing on a pillow, which was strange. Very much so. Look, I... Hold on, serious right now.

I didn't feel comfortable. Hotel Ziggy really didn't. Because I see how much Schwartz loves his friends and if I'm going to be part of Schwartz's life forever until death do us part, not that we're getting married right now. I mean, we will soon. Not in a church probably. Maybe a city hall. If city hall was St. City Hall because we're getting married in a church. Don't tell Schwartz. But I really want to get along with his friends because it's super important, but they were totally mean to me.

So that wasn't really great. But potentially Lala's a ticket to that. And guess what you do with tickets? You eat really hard hot dogs with them. Okay, so obviously Ariana and Katie's, they made up their mind about what happened, but like for my own sanity, like Tom and Raquel, did you know, did you know about that? And Joe's like, no. It's like, but how could you not have known? And she's like, well, I hung out with him a couple of times, told him stories about Charlie, my old turtle,

the one who fell down in the sewer. Ha, whoops. But I'm not watching them. I'm just like looking at Schwartz. Not that I'm like in love with him, but like I did just like stare at him the entire time. Like in fact, I would just like show up. He'd be like in the bathroom. I'd be like, surprise, I'm behind the shower curtain.

And then I'd get the shower curtain. The first few months I was with Schwartz, I just would stare at him. And the only thing I could think was, how's anything that pasty? Like consistently, that we could go in the sun, pasty. Put him in the oven, he'd come out pasty. We took a mud bath once, he was still pasty.

He's always pasty, he's fucking amazing. And I thought to myself, is there a way to make a pasty person look even pastier? And I hatched a plan. You just wait. You just wait to see what happens. SPOILER ALBERT! Commercials, here comes one right now.

So she's like, no, I mean, look, she tells, well, she tells Lala, no, she didn't know about Raquel and Tom and Lala's like, I mean, how could she not have known? I mean, you didn't, you guys didn't. So, like they were literally hanging out around, none of us knew, we were watching it with Tom flirting with her the whole time, you know? Just as much.

And so Joe is like, Joe says to be honest, I thought Ariana and Sandoval were broken up. So it's crazy for anyone to assume that I'd be like, oh, Sandoval has a relationship with Ariana. It just wasn't a thing like move on, which is interesting because, you know, I can see that she's just focused on Schwartz. She just wants to hang out with Schwartz.

And Sandoval probably was so at ease with Raquel in a way that she's just like, oh, he must not be with Ariane anymore. Oh, well, okay, fine. Whatever. I just care about Schwartz. Yeah, I don't really know what I believe. I just don't know how much of it is her responsibility to care. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, she's not one of their best friends. And Katie showed that text illustrating like, oh, well see, she texted me and said she was so sorry, but then suddenly she's like, well, Tom or whatever. But we didn't see any reciprocal text from Katie being like,

oh, hey girl, thanks for the text. This was so sweet. Hope to see you soon. So it's not like that was illustrating that they were, they had this established good friendship. So I don't really know, but. The only thing that doesn't add up is if she thought that Tom and Ariana had broken up,

but then she went to Thanksgiving with Tom and Ariana, or she went something like that, like that's a little weird. Like, did she just not question any of that? Did she not think like, oh, maybe they are together? Like she just never quite connected any dots. I think she pro, I'm getting the feeling that she's just like, well, they had an open relationship or they were like broken up but still staying together for the show or whatever.

I felt like she just didn't care enough. We know so many weird relationships, especially in that town where there's just, it could be anything. Like no one really knows, you know what I mean? But people do know not to fucking ask questions because there's a lot of weird shit that you see going on. So yeah, don't ask questions, man.

So Lala's like, bro, just go with it, go with it. I have a question. So Ewan Schwartzy is like the strangest thing in the world. Like you don't want to be in a relationship with him. And she's like, well, we got emotionally very, very close. I mean, I would be there when he would cry about Katie and like, I'd lick his tears off his cheek and be like, now let's take this up, I love garden.

And then, you know, I just wanted to be there for team money. It's like, wait, what? Team money? You call him team money? It's like, yeah, it's weird. It's what we do. We call each other funny things because I was like, team money. money? It's like, yeah, that's weird. It's what we do. We call each other funny things because I was like, team money. And then he's like, Joseph. So it's like kind of everything else.

He's like team money and I'm like, Joseph. And you know what you are? Hot dog, get over here. Let me eat your face. You taste so good. God damn it. Just had an idea. What if they serve hot dogs at Olive Garden?

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm painting. I'm painting my life and my death. I can't even tell. I'm gonna eat this table to see if I'm alive. Okay, I broke my tooth. And I was like, huh, Team Money and Jess asks, that should be like what you guys put on your wedding invites.

And she goes, oh! That's actually a really good idea. Yeah, actually, I already did that. So now we go to Topgolf with Ale and James and Ariana and Katy. They're gonna have a wholesome time and they're playing, you know, they're hitting golf balls and everyone hits the ball except for James. James whiffs. He's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, okay, now we've hit the ball around, stupid ball. Katie, do you remember making out with Tori? That was hilarious. Lesbians! And she was like, of course I do.

And she's going on a date with Schwartz tonight. Hold on, hold on one second. Okay, sorry. All right, let me get this straight. No pun intended, all right? You're chatting with Tori, right? At what point did you go from chatting to flirting to we should just make out?

Oh, when did that happen? When did that happen? It was just like in the blink of an eye, you're making out with Tory. Oh, it's crazy. No one else sees this. Was it because now Schwartz is going on a date so you thought you should move right now?

She's like, you guys think I really care that much about what Schwartz wants? Like, I don't care. It's not always about Schwartz. Unless it was last season. So James is like, well, I just have to ask because it's just so coincidental. And it was the same month that you got with Max Boyans. I mean, why is everyone acting like this is so fucking normal? Let me paint the picture. Katie was married to Tom Schwartz. They were married. white dress and bows

and she is everybody and stupid, slight people like that. And like now they're not, now they're divorced and fat and stupid and they're dating the same fucking girl that looks like she's fucking 21 years old. Like, what the fuck is this? This shit is fucking weird. So then Katie's like, so what was your conversation, what was your conversation like at the bar?

And Ariana's like, well, basically Lala and Sheena were telling me to like get over it and stop being so triggered. And Katie's like, oh, I don't know what they're not understanding. I'm like confused about these girls. And James is like, well, you know what? Sanderville invited us to go paintballing with guys. I mean, what guys

and like everyone, like everyone's invited. So Ariana's like, Oh, wow. So now there's group texts where I'm just like, not included. It's like, well, to be fair, I don't know why you'd expect to be included on the false group text after what's going on with your relationship. Yeah, and it's probably better for everybody. Hey, does everybody want to come paintballing? Don't worry, Ariana, we're not throwing bicks at each other. So you're not expected to not supply anything.

Yeah, that's like one group text I think I'd be happy to be left off of. Like, wow, we get to go into like the desert and shoot paintballs at like with Tom Sandoval and Billy Lee. Great, great time.andoval and Billy Lee. Great, great time. Yeah, so Billy Lee, still trying to make Billy Lee have him.

Kyle Chan too, Kyle Chan's trying so hard this episode. Oh God, he just gets like out of his depth. Yeah. So then they're talking about Ariana moving like finally, because they're talking about the house and the paperwork is with Tom now because she's countered his offer and now he needs to counter her counter

or they're gonna go to court. So then she's talking about her dream house vibes. She wants like a little tree house, which is what I want. I want a tree house. And she manifested her, so maybe I can manifest mine. Someone get me a tree house. Yeah, her as some maybe I can manifest mine. Someone get me a tree house. Yeah, you can like start manifesting that Ariana. She's like, yeah, cool.

So now we go to California Cryobank, also known as the sperm bank, and Lala and Sheena walk in and Lala's like, I love being pregnant so much so that I want to carry one on my own. But like, I want to be fully in charge of my child's. And like, I don't want to ever like want the unknown's like, I love being pregnant so much. So that I want to carry one up on my own, but like I want to be fully in charge of my child's. And like, I don't want to ever like want the unknown of like, you may work out with your partners or you may not, or you may wind up in like a customary custody arrangement. So I don't want to have to share.

I want my own baby of my own. Yeah. And so they meet with Brian, the sperm specialist, which is, I mean, he does look like a sperm specialist, doesn't he? He comes out. I've never seen someone so excited to jerk off into a cup. Brian like literally looks thrilled to be there.

He's like, hi, welcome to, any questions about sperm? Let's talk about jerking off. Any questions? I'm not only the president, I'm a customer too. To quote the nineties. So he's like, you know, a lot of donors, well, because Lala's like, so what's the story behind a lot of people

who donate sperm? Because I've watched that Phaedra Parks clip a lot of times I'm getting kind of like freaked out a little bit, okay? Like they just trying to, like just looking for cash, they're trying to be good humans. And Brian's like, oh. Yes Lala, I love that those are the options., like, just looking for cash. They're trying to be good humans. And Brian's like, oh. Yes, Lala. I love that those are the options.

So are they just looking for cash or are they really good people who want to help people like me? No, no, a lot of donors tell us they just want to help others. Like, look at this man. He is an heir to the Carnegie fortune currently runs three fortune 500 companies.

Look at him. Isn't that just a picture of you with like a Groucho March marks mask on and a boner. Don't forget the boner. Okay. Isn't this you just dressed up as Mrs. Doubtfire? Yes. Yes it is. Listen, people come here and they say they just have a desire to help others through jerking off. So that's what it is. And now, do they have a desire to jerk off and then afford a hot and ready from Little Caesars?

Sure. But we call that more of a perk than a motivator. Now, if I may direct your attention to Brad Pitt's brother, who has provided an ample sperm sample for you. That's just you dressed like you're in a river runs through it. So listen, get it while it's fresh. You're literally masturbating right now. I'm going to throw a party because in my mind, my daughter was conceived in loves. And because that kind of love is taken out of this process, I would like to bring it

in a different form. So this kid knows you're here and we've all been waiting for you to enter the world. It's like, okay. Well, I love the idea. I'll provide the streamers. Okay. It's not right now, Put that thing away, please. I love the idea. I mean, I think it's fun. I love the idea of like a party where we all go to the catalogs and figure out who's the best dad.

But I love how she's like, well, my daughter was conceived in love. And now I want my next child to be conceived amongst a group of petty individuals who all hate each other and sleep with each other and cheat on each other incessantly. I want this to be similar to how my first baby was conceived. Should I any chance have a giant beanbag chair filled with chicken fat and covered in back hair that you could just lie on top of me that would most likely sweat all over me while I held my breath till mornings.

JAYLEE LAUGHS Got to 25 years from now, Lala's child is like, hey, everybody, how's it going? I knew I shouldn't have invited that water concierge to our parties. JAYLEE LAUGHS This is two rivers converging. It's a bathtub.

Be careful who you invite to your sperm donor parties. This whole thing like and getting pregnant, I'm going to be forming families. So right now I feel like I'm part of something that's broken. Do you know what I mean? Sheeners? And she's like, at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And that's all you can say for the life of the corner. So you know, you're the most amazing mother and you're going to provide all of your babies the most amazing lies.

But yes, you are part of something that's broken. I will confirm that. So Lala is sad because she wants to provide her baby the same sort of like rich nurturing environment that she had growing up with like her mom and her dad together and everything. And she feels like she failed her child. And she feels like it wasn't even her fault that she failed her child.

And she's not gonna risk that again. Yeah, that was a nice model. Like anyway, the beach was like so intense. Like I am so hung up on our conversation with Ariana. Like I'm just like treading lightly with her now. Actually I'm sort of just like doing a pass a double lightly because you never know when you get that call. Anyway, I just like don't want to be upset with her. I don't know if she's trying to stand her ground, but she's not going to win this game. It's just simple. Moves out. Because I can't take it anymore. You're

choosing to stay in the house. So I don't feel bad for you. Well, I think a big part of it is her pride. And she's like, I cannot go into an apartment. No, it's that she found that house and bought that house as well. And then let his stupid ass take out a second mortgage on this house, why should she let him stay in that goddamn house? Why is it just assumed that he should have the house?

This makes no sense, I don't understand people. Is there argument that she doesn't want the house anyway, that he's the one who wants the house, so he should be able to keep it? Sell the house. Sell it. Yeah, I agree, sell it. Sell, I love. Yeah, I agree. Sell it.

The damn money. Yeah, I agree. So then we go over to a place called Hair Boss Extensions, which is actually Joe's salon. I would never think Joe would work at a place called Hair Boss Extensions. I think I would imagine she would work at some place called like Wacky Cat Hairstyles or something like that. Or like Cupcake. I don't know.

You should come. Or get your hair done. I work at a place called Cupcakes. I know it's like deceiving because we don't serve cupcakes, but guess what? If you're really good, we'll give you a cupcake. It's not fucked up, it's fucked up. You should come in, you're gonna love it. Yeah, or she just would like put up a cardboard sign

that says haircuts like, and then just like attach it to the tail of the pup hot dog. Like for your cats are out the corner. But it's in the cupcake with a faux. Hair boss extensions. Yeah, I got to the hair boss. Why does your hair look so good? Because I got to the hair boss.

Real hair boss bitches over there make my hair boss. Because the hair boss real hair boss bitches over there making my hair boss because the hair boss where you get a lot of hair conglomerate they're really gonna fuck you up little boy entering the hair boss okay so hey joseph you can do whatever you want to my hair i'm in full midlife crisis oh Oh, I'm a cute little boy. Well, do I really see you in action? She said, yeah, we're gonna do something really fun. I'm chewing gum today. It's not my thing at work.

Don't blow my cover. Hey, mention that I've always been a person that really likes gum. I love gum, am I right? Schwartz, hey Schwartz, this is where I chew gum during the day, am I right? Oh, you're eating my bangs. Oh, sorry, sometimes it's a thin line

between a chick lid and a hair, am I right? Hmm, so. What'd you do last night? Go ahead, tell me the truth. You don't have to lie to me, we're best friends. I went on a date. Oh, my, oh. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, had a go.

It was a Tory. Yeah, it was a Tory. Oh! Tory, is that a human? Where's she coming from? I've never heard of a human named Tory. So spelling. Life didn't really go her way. I get it.

Like talk about being bullied by a bunch of girls. That one. Oh, vocabulary is my favorite thing. Anyway, so she's been like close with Sheena for like 10 years. Ever since she was 13 years old. She has a 32 year old, was very close with a 13 year old. So yeah, and I just, it's like, she's awesome, you know? Yeah, well, that sounds great.

She's dating a 10 year old, is what you're saying? Oh, that's kind of weird. No, well, and she's like, so you're going on, she's like, I'd really like to know why the girls are allowing you to go on a quote unquote date with a person that is in the friend group, but everyone has a problem with me. Oh, yeah, people don't like me because I eat hard hot dogs.

And that's just the kind of bullying that I take now. Ever since I went to that hot dog place, literally they're following me down the street like hard hot dog liquor. It's hard. Really glad I'm in control of your hair right now. Tell me more about this date. Can't wait to make your hair look really, really fucking handsome for your next date.

Because she's basically handicapping him right now for future dates. You know that, right? He's talking about dating and she's like, I'm gonna fuck up your fucking life, you fuck. Yeah, exactly. And Joe's kind of like, this is just like fucked up because like she's way more in the friend group than I am

But everyone's like hating on me Sure, it's like oh, yeah, and here's another ticket for you Tori actually made out with my ex-wife the night before we went on a date Oh, isn't that funny? Oh How does that make you feel bro? It's that's weird thing that she was playing tonkaki. How's it supposed to be tonkaki? With Maloney the night before. Now she's going on a date with Katie today.

Weird. That is weird. I don't want you to feel like you can't show your emotions just because you're talking to the boss. Of hair. This might be a work environment, but I still want you to be honest. Would it be weird if I attached a bun to your head. Oh, I thought we heard the hot dog now. Get it!

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