Watch What Crappens - #2387 PumpRules, Part 2: Three’s Frumpany

Episode Date: April 10, 2024

*This is part 2 of a two-part recapThis week on Vanderpump Rules (S11E11) Tom Schwartz hurts Jo’s feelings and then finds out Katie is dating the same girl he’s into. Most fascinating threesome EVER. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Hi everyone, welcome back. This is part two of a two part recap. If you're wondering where part one was, we'll go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe. So then we, then we cut to Tori and Katie is hot, hot date. They're making small paintings in her apartment. Oh, I thought they were at a painting plate. I thought they were at one of those like you should come here and like paint stuff. You know, it was like build a bear, like an art place. I didn't realize that was Katie's house. I assumed it was her house,

because guess what, her place does kind of look like a build a bear art suit. Like she does look like she lives in a color me mine. I'm sure it was discussed on the after show. So my bad. Build a. Build a. Build a.

Or a bear. So, yeah, that's a good one. a bear. So yeah, they're making these paintings and Katie's like, this is my painting. And Tori's like, oh my God, that is so good, Auntie. I mean, Katie, that is so good. I walked into my sister's room the other day and she was just watching Pop Ross videos and I was like, oh, Bob Ross was alive when they had video cameras?

I like literally knew nothing about Bob Ross. Isn't that hilarious? Go throw yourself in the LA River, Tori, see you never. Katie just looks at her like, I can't believe I'm faking this for a fucking storyline. Fuck this girl. I love that Katie can't even hide it. She's just like, she's like,

can someone get me like Weird Al, Shamale again, because this is really killing my soul. I think if Katie is going to experiment, she needs to go, she needs to be with like a, like a genotype from Real Housewives of New York, an older, confident woman who knows what she wants. She doesn't need to mess around with a young fuckwit. You know what I mean?

She needs to be with Kelly Catrone. She needs to be with a real woman. She needs to be with someone. Not that Tori's not a real woman. You know what I mean, like a mature woman. I'm sorry, Ben, go ahead. No, she needs to be with someone like Kelly Catrone, who's just like yells at people

and then in her off time haunts a house. You know? Yes. There needs to be a spook factor. And that's why I think it's funny that Katie, like her online like bullying or whatever she does with Joe, where she's like, she's spooky. And everyone online is like,

spooky Joe, spooky Joe. I think that's like the funniest thing to call Joe because I think Katie would do really well with a spooky person. Like Katie is already spooky. She is like such a Wednesday Adams. And by the way- I was about to say that.

She's totally Wednesday. I talk all kinds of mad shit on this show, but you know I love me some Wednesday Adams. That was like my favorite shot of the year last year. And I think Katie should just like totally fully give into that vibe and just be a Wednesday and be with like a little just just flop over into the Tim Burton universe because that's where she belongs.

Put her in a Beetlejuice. How long on Wednesday? She's around. Come on now, Katie. Go go like be a neighbor who disapproves of ever to their hands or like be like just like be in the Batcave and be mad at Bruce Wayne or something. I don't know, like I just feel like she's so, she's definitely, this is why she's miserable because she's a Tim Burton character

stuck in the world of Bravo. She's just miserable because she's miserable and that's her personality and she doesn't have to just be miserable. That's fun. I mean, I'm fairly miserable. I enjoy my life. That's how I enjoy my life.

You know what I mean? Just find someone you can do it with and not feel bad about being miserable. Like this Tory girl's not gonna cut it. Katie will emotionally abuse the fuck out of this girl two hours into the relationship. Like I'm surprised if Tory didn't leave crying. This is not the vibe, you know?

Yeah, there is no way that Katie is gonna be able to tolerate like one more conversation with this empty marshmallow of a human Yeah, so and also Tory with the eyebrows, okay I get that there are certain things as an old person that I'm just not gonna understand in the world and I get it This is like old Queen standing on the lawn shaking his fist at the sky I get it But these eyebrows where you're combing your eye, you're brushing your eyebrows with gel,

like into the center of your face, it's the equivalent of the stupid boy, teenage boy hair where they push all their hair forward. Stop doing this with your eyebrows. You guys look crazy. You look like you've slept on your faces with snot all over your eyebrows. And you look like something about Mary Cumbings,

but on your eyebrows. Please stop it. Okay, I get we want things that are new. You find better things. These eyebrows are not it. Not it. So now we go back to Tom at hair boss extensions. And he's like, it's not hair temp,

it's not hair employees, it's not hair applicant, it's hair boss bitch. Just a bitch at work. I think Tory prefers Katie than me. But you know what though, I'm gonna go to the Mondrian tonight. First singles mixer, best little boy. I wanna go, I wanna go to singles mixer.

Okay, you can come, I guess. I like you don't get any mixed signals. Mixed signals, you're getting mixed signals? Is everybody getting mixed signals? Wait, is this only for mixed signals? Am I mixed enough? I'm part hairdresser and part boss. Is that mixed enough for you?

I hope I don't give you mixed signals. I hope you come, but I want you to come with me because, you know, we do so well together. We're just great. It's almost like I don't give you mixed signals. I hope you come, but I want you to come with me because you know, we do so well together. We're just great. It's almost like I don't need anyone else. So I can't wait for you're with me for me to find someone else. Oh no, I hope I'm not gonna get mixed signals.

He's so ridiculous. He did exactly what we thought he was gonna do in this episode, but we thought it was gonna take a season. But no, he just short stood right up, right in the, right in the poor girl's third episode. I mean, what an ass. So she's like, well, I can tell you this much for your mixed singles.

You're gonna be like, oh my God, is that guy mixed with hotness? Yes, you're gonna look amazing. You're gonna be half pasty and half amazing. Are you ready? Let's see. But my hair looks brown again. My hair looks brown again. My hair looks brown again.

Something went wrong. It's like, Joe's like, I hate people who don't do hair. You're, listen, you are the hair employee right now and I am the hair boss. Hashtag extensions. Okay, don't worry. You're in good crazy hands. Now do you mind that I use mustard as a dye?

You look like Eminem. So now it's nighttime. And now we see Katie and Ariana and Gina and Lala walking slow mo down the sidewalk like the talk about some boss bitches. They're like, yeah, we own the night. And I looked up they went to a place called it was a bar. I forgot what the bar was called. But I looked it up. And I saw that it was on Magnolia Boulevard in the valley. And there was just like something very funny to me of them walking down the street as if they were like going down Rodeo Sunset Boulevard, like one of these storied famous LA, you know, high profile Boulevard. It's like, no, they're just going down Magnolia Boulevard in Burbank. It's like, it's a hot dog. It's a giant.

We just walked by Joanne Fabrics. Oh my God, Arby's is still open. Color me mine. Hey, Katie, weren't you just there today? That's one thing I just remember thinking multiple times in the valley over the years. I feel like I always have the thought. They're still in Arby's. So I go to this bar. I will say this.

OK, obviously, I talk a lot of shit about the valley because I'm a dick, but I love the bars in the valley. They have the best old school bars there where everything is like red leather, uh, uh, banquettes and there's like popcorn machines. They are so fun. I love all those bars. They go to one of those for girls night and Ariana's like, Oh by the way, Katie, how was your day? And lots of wait seconds. I didn't know you went on a date with Tori's. It's just, you know,

what's weird is that like the night before you went on a date with Tori. You know what's weird is that like the night before she went on a date with your husband. Did you know that's like, God, it can't be any weirder than begging his best friend. Sksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksksks it's not like there's any competition there. Skybar is like a big player on the show. I feel like it doesn't get the credit, but like so many things happen at Skybar on Vanity Fair rules over the years. We've literally watched so many people age

at Skybar on the show. Yeah. It's amazing. It's like watching those videos of like a flower rising up from the ground and then blooming and then getting old and shriveling and dying all in like five seconds. That's what I feel like the Skybar is to this show.

That is the Skybar. Do you know one time I went to the Skybar? Like the Skybar has been around a long time and I remember like 2004 or five going to the Skybar, getting wasted with my friend Stephanie. And then there was like this restaurant at the time called Asia to Cuba that was like attached to Sky Bar and there was like this big group of like 18 people having this big group dinner and We got drunk and we wound up like going over to this group and we sat down with them I remember this and we'd like we were part of it and we talked with them and it was amazing and They were like have some food. We're eating the food. It was so good. And then at the end of the night,

the waiter came over and was like, do you wanna pack this up? I was like, yeah, you can pack it up. So I took all their food. I packed up all their food. And I was like, I just got free fancy food. And the next day I was like, and now I have that Asia to Cuba food to have for dinner.

I opened it up and I was like, this is all food that's been half eaten by strangers. I was like, this is what, this is the worst. I just threw it all out. I was like, what was I thinking? And you know that you're one of their stories too. Cause I like, do you remember that time we went to Asia to Cuba and that weird fucking guy came and took all of our food home? And you know, I probably like, it was not the last half of the night.

You know, I was probably like walking to like different bars, the giant Asian Cuba takes me back the entire time. Something Asian Cuba. Okay, so Schwartz and Joe arrive and Schwartz is like, oh, I've got a hat, I should take it off. No, no, no, I don't want to take it off. Wait, maybe I should take it off. I'm feeling some energy right now.

You know what they say, plons have more fun. And so far it's ringing true for me. Sandoval's like, whoa! I thought your hair was just really short on the side, but it's bleached blonde, whoa, man! You know Sandoval was jealous, because Sandoval's the one who likes being the one who's extra, so the fact that Schwartz

suddenly did this random unapproved extra thing, I guarantee Sandoval was furious. So Sandoval, speaking of, is there with Craig, his new assistant. Well, geez, man, he's really anti-Ann, eh? You just can't interview for a new job while your boss is upstairs. I mean, for Christ's sake, what kind of world do we live in?

Right? So Schwartz says that he went on a date with like Tori and Joe's she's where I just even need buildings and said I was like, dude, like Schwartz and Joe are like on two different pages. Like Joe was looking at their situationship as like a glass half full relationship. And Schwartz is just like being Schwartz and it's like going off of like mixed signals. Like that's part of his superpower. He's just like so charming all the time. Like this reminds me like me and Ariana like when Ariana and I like Ariana thought like we were in a relationship and I was like, no, I'm fucking Raquel. Like it's just people get on the wrong page sometimes. Oh, just kidding. Nothing bad happened. Only good things happen. Guess where

they happen. Iraq. What a good guess. Not that you said that out loud, but you should have said it out loud, because I really want to know. Nothing good happened there. I'll tell you where it happened. On your head. That's where good things are happening. Guess why? Because I'm in charge. I'm a boss. I'm a boss of heads. Head boss! You're looking so good. Wait, hold on. Let me fix your bangs. Let me fix your bangs.

It's my work! Shut up! No one said anything, but I think they're thinking about it. I don't know. It's so insecure doing my art in the Sky Bar. And then Kyle Chan is sitting there and he's like, that's not gonna get him any girls. I was like, excuse me, you know what? Go fuck off, Kyle Chan. You're not helping anyone's case either.

Get out of here. Kyle Chan does help, because Kyle Chan can just be there like, I'm his friends who owns a diamond shop. Kyle is trying to be there like, I'm his friends who owns a diamond shop. Kyle is trying to be a bro and he's like, hey, just bro night out. That's not gonna get him any girls, stupid. Hey, girls singles, wanna like flirt with a boy right now?

Yeah. So we cut back to girls night and Lala's like, I had lunch at a hot dog stands with Josh yesterday. And Katie's like, I'm, babe, where, what did you just say? How did this happen? She's like, well, she apparently just wanted to share her side of things with me.

No, I was asking more like a hot dog stand, really? Can't you do anything better than that, Lala?" She's like, no, unfortunately I can't. Why would you go to a restaurant that's so symbolic of your relationship with Rand? Well, apparently production used up their entire budget on that fucking paintball scene, so they just said you can go to a hot dog stand

and who might have turned down free foods? And Katie's like, you don't even know this girl. You have no relationship with this girl. Well, this girl's nothing to you, and I am something to you. So why are you feeling bad for this rando? What the fuck? Lala's like, I just went and had a conversation.

You're acting like I just invited her to come swimming with my child. Okay, so but why? Why? Why? And so Lala's like, because you reached out to me and said I would like to have a conversation with you. So basically here's what's going on.

Joe has been cast on the show as an official cast member and Katie's like, no. Yeah. You can't hang out with Joe. And people are like, no, we're gonna hang out. And it's kind of like the Tom Sandoval thing, like, okay, well that's a cast member. And they're like, no, you can't hang out with him. They people are like, no, we're gonna hang out. And it's kind of like the Tom Sandoval thing, like, okay, well that's a cast member. And they're like, no, you can't hang out with him.

They're like, oh, but we're gonna, cause that's the show. So it's an interesting, it's interesting. And it's also interesting that production is just like, fuck it, let's just cast him. Let's just bring it around. Just bring in the hairdresser, Schwartz was banging. But I think they brought her on

cause I think they realized like, actually Joe is like kind of appealing, I think they brought her on because I think they realized like actually Joe is like kind of appealing I think as a character on the show. She's different than the others. She is sort of goofy. She seems like really sweet and she does have this kind of like earnest crush on Schwartz that's I find to be endearing to watch. And so I think that she's like a good addition to this show. And by far Katie it's like, no, like, no, I'm not gonna let this person who's like sleeping with Schwartz to suddenly get to be on this TV show, absolutely not. But it's also an example of a trap,

you know, we talk about manifesting on the show, "'cause Ali's on it." But it's also manifesting the things that you don't want in your life because you're thinking about them so much. And it's also manifesting the things that you don't want in your life because you're thinking about them so much. And that's totally what happened here because Katie is the one who really brought Joe on the show.

No one else brought Joe up. Katie was the one who was like, oh Joe. Well, I mean, I guess Tom talked about her as his roommate last year a little bit, but we didn't really see her. But Katie brought her up by being like, oh, fuck this girl. And then spooky Joe, crackhead Joe,

she's posting about her on Twitter. She's bringing her up with the reunion. So in a way you're kind of manifesting what you're getting now, which is kind of funny. Yeah. And Lala's basically tells us like, you know what? Like she's harmless. I don't think she's trying to roll up and be like, yeah, I'm here to fuck your man. I'm just like, you know, you know, Lala's like, you know, when I say that like vaginas don't fall on dicks, remember when I said that famously remembers, Remember? No. Okay. Well, anyway, I do. That's something I say. But I actually think that like when Joe would join shorts,

vaginas may actually just fall on dicks. She says, I usually say vaginas don't fall on dicks, but I think in this case, the John is falling. So then Lala's like, you know what shorts gave me her name to reach out to because like, I'm So then Lala's like, you know what? Schwartz gave me her name to reach out to because like I'm soft. I mean, like, she's like, why? She's like, because I'm soft right now, Katie. I'm soft. My brand is soft. This season I'm soft.

OK, I'm like Sears softer sides of Sears says, but Lala's version. So like if you was a girl and look, who's his friend like that? I've met and I see her like, let's see. My other friends call her a crack heads, which is what you you know I'm sorry oh really so I see what you're doing so I'm the bad one now so like Schwartz whatever but I'm bad I'm soft so Lala's like you know you're not the bad ones you're just treating me like I'm the bad ones here oh yeah so wait one minute Schwartz is the worst, but now I'm bad? That's not making a lot of sense, la la.

You know what, I don't care, sks, okay? It's not my job for my life to make sense to use sks. Yeah, well you know what? I like people who are consistent. She does the whole race thing where she's like, yeah, you're getting it right now. I think she's been pretty fucking consistent for you, Katie. Wow, I had to like actually look at the video

to see if I can still raise my eyebrow. I really can't. In my mind, my eyebrow is like all the way up here, but in real life, it like raised like half an inch. I have to say good job Botox people, cause- That's crazy. Okay, sorry, Ben, go ahead. Continue the work. Yeah, no problems. Well, I see Aaron worried about job Botox people because that's crazy. Okay, sorry, Ben. Go ahead.

Continue the work. Yeah, no problem. Well, I see Aaron worrying about Botox pills. Listen, Ronnie, I'm soft right now. It's okay. So, uh, Soft right now. So Katie's like, I need consistency.

And Lala's like, oh, really? Because you weren't best friends with Joe. You weren't best friends. You weren't best friends to Raquel and we're still holding on real tight to that. And at some points you gotta let it go. And if you want to hold on to it, that's on Yousk. And I wish you the best. And I hope all is good with you.

Hold on, let me remind you how tall my nails are right now. Hold on. I'm good with you. Just note that I am soft though. This is my soft. This is soft, Lala. This is soft. Backala. This is back to me. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. It's commercial.

Back to sky bar. This lady walks up to the toms and their party. And she's like, Hi, guys. How are you? Welcome to singles LA. So everyone's single here, right? And cows like I'll be single for tonight, girl. It's like, okay, whatever, Rude-o. So this is why we have a system. Green is for single, yellow is for you're open. And if you're a wingman, you get a red one and you get a blue one if you shouldn't really

even be here in the first place. So that one's for you, Kyle, blue for you. May I choose green? And wow, Kyle, wow. I'm not dating you, but wow, Kyle, wow, I'm not dating you, but wow, Kyle, wow. So now they start the mingling and Kyle, who's Kyle? Kyle Schwartz. Kyle Chan.

Kyle Chan. Oh, Kyle. I just literally just said his name, Kyle. 15, Kyle, Kyle. Schwartz, you need to not always be with Joe, okay? Like how are you supposed to find a girl, girl? I'm just a bro right now. Give me bro advice. And the girl, oh my God. Like you're like wearing a girl necklace right now. Like I really like when men wear women's jewelry, like like maybe pearls or like Harry Styles type things, like that's so, I love watching middle-aged men emulate

like teenage superstar idols. It's really- Yeah, man. I wear like a lot of women's stuff actually. Like I'm like cool with like a necklace or like I'll wear like sometimes like a women's top or like a woman's best friend. Like I'm really good at putting myself in that.

So this other girl is telling Schwartz, can I have your hat? Put your hat on my head. Put it on my head, I dare you. I dare you to give up your hat for a minute. He's like, okay, but can I have that back later? Oh, because it's a sentimental hat. Oh.

And then she's like, he's like, you know what? No, you can keep it. You can keep it. I have like 70 more of them. Oh. Yeah, well prove that you're like a hat giver and make out with me. Uh, uh, uh.

She like goes in for one of those make outs where she starts like licking the outside of his face. She's like, you just see her. Like, are you putting your fist inside his mouth? What are you doing? Like she's putting her like. You never kissed anyone like me before because I'm wearing a hat.

That's what Joe looks up. It's like what in tarnation? Okay, you know what? I'm heading out, bye. And she says, well, I was under the impression that A, there'd be hot dogs here or Olive Garden. There were neither. And instead, like, I thought we were going to be there to support Santa ball.

And then we got there and he was like, Schwartz was like interested in other women. So like, what am I? Chopped liver? Oh, is there chopped liver available? I will have that. I do enjoy a chopped liver. Is that me? If I'm chopped liver, is it okay if I eat myself right now?

Random question. Is un-chopped liver like good and chopped liver's bad? Because no one really ever says, what am I, liver? Because liver's probably actually delicious. Why am I craving liver right now? It's fucking crazy. Does pate count?

Because I'm into that too. Okay, anyway. So Schwartz is like, maybe it's not realistic to be so close as Joe and I are and still go out and hang with other women and then have sex with other people? I don't know. I'm just wondering if she's a little deeper into this than me. Really? I wonder why that would be Schwartz. I wonder where she gets the impression that

you're together. This is crazy. I have no idea. Could it be that you told her you're together and you just don't want everyone else to know because you don't want Katie to fucking attack her so you're going to live this life publicly like you're not together when really you are together because you know that's what he fucking did. Exactly. And so then Jo says, she says, you know, I know the truth and the truth is that we are still hooking up and we said I love you to each other and it bothers me that he doesn't want to share this relationship with his friends and I'm tired of feeling tired of feeling

like a secret and Like we had known obviously that they had had sex but The way she says it this way makes it sound like they are kind of like currently and actively hooking up which is what we suspected but we didn't know and like that's just like fucked up like Like of course like of course Schwartz is just one of these guys that does that. Again, such fuckboy activity. And we saw it, we're seeing this on Summerhouse Martha's Vineyard 2 with Alex where he's like, he's like, oh, I don't tell anyone, I'm a private person. That is the fuckboy thing.

You want to have a code of privacy and secrecy so that way you can basically have multiple girls at the same time. But I think Schwartz is worse than the fuck boys we normally see because he really does shroud it in this like, oh, well, I just wanna be single. I come being honest with you, but I love you. I'm gonna look deeply into your eyes and tell you I can't live without you and live with you.

But I can't be in a relationship. But the reason I can't be in a relationship is because I was so hurt by my monster of an ex that I'm traumatized. You just have to give me time because with time then I will be ready for a relationship. But right now, let's just know that I love you and we'll just keep this on the down. Maybe someday I won't be traumatized. And then I told you I wasn't in a relationship.

No, you like literally are sitting there and making her think that she's on a waiting list for when you are ready. Like you're not ready for a relationship now, but when you are ready, it's gonna be her because you're already together. Not, oh, I told you the whole time and I've been leading you on this whole time and it's never gonna be us.

This guy is just such a prick, man. He's such a fucking asshole. And he's the worst because he's so tricky about it. And people still fall for his bullshit. It makes me make me mad. And they do have good chemistry, which is kind of like it's sad. It's sad that like, you this is this could actually be a nice relationship. And he's like chemistry with everybody though, because he's

like that. He's like a he's, he's a vampire where he finds the energy and he matches that energy in the room so that the people and the people, the energy he's matching like him. Cause they're like, oh, it's someone like me, you know? But better to be a vampire to Joe and like have like, like they kind of like fun, kooky vamp, like he could get kooky energy as opposed to like,

like someone like Katie, he was just miserable with Katie. And he never was really into kid, they had they do have like a chemistry that we saw last week, like they have a chemistry. But it's just a shame that his own damage gets in the way of him being able to actually have like a productive relationship. Not that everyone needs a productive relationship, but you sort of just see it there and you're like, Oh, you're fucking this all up. So now it's time to go to paintball.

He's a horrible fucking human being. I just needed to sum it up that way because, yes, yeah, okay. I feel better. Awful fucking man. And you know what? I'm glad she did that to your hair. And I'll bet she is too,

because I think she knew what you were fucking up to and that's why she fucked you up. She's literally like taking a baseball bat and hitting you in the knees for you to go out and bait other people. So have fun with that. Yeah, she's at the Carrie Underwood of the scene. Carrie Underwood.

The hair is the car that she's like, sir, I took a Louisville slugger with both hands. I thought you meant Tonya Harding. And I was like, that's Tonyanya Harding, not Carrie Underwood. But no, you really meant Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood has a very specific niche of car songs. Either like go beat up the car before he cheats, or Jesus take the wheel

because it's too hard for me. Country song, country artists love singing about cars and trucks. They do. And Jesus, like, veiled like Jesus songs, but mostly cars. They love cars and trucks. They do. So now we go over to paintball. So Sandoval shows up with Billy Lee and Kyle Chan.

Kyle Chan is like, I can't believe I get to be in like three scenes this episode and now I get to dress up in paintball Uniform I'm just one of the guys now and you know that Billy Lee is like, oh my god. She showed up She like oh my god. Here's what I think about paintball This matter all said about paintball one time like paintball on my ride Haha, if I'm gonna get splooshed all over it's gonna be pain I mean god, this is my life now, am I right, guys? And did like a whole thing that just gets cut every time she comes on screen. Are you going to invite tea? Are you going to invite tea to paintball? My girl tea.

Oh my God, you know what tea is? She's a vibe. She's a vibe. She's a vibe. We should have tea here. Let's see. So everyone's there, James and Ali-Bali. Israel, who's like a... He's sort of been on the fringes but he's there he's finally getting a chiron these days he's been around for like two years but now he's getting a chiron Lala and Lala's like oh my god it's short seats when did you do that to your hair? and he's like I woke up like this oh yeah was it to hide the gray? yeah because I thought maybe

you got sick of dying at the world brown so you you're like, fuck it, I'm going bleach blonde. High five, Ali Valley. High five, Ali. Ali. Ali Valley. Oh, and James is like, I'm not willing when he realized shorts is trying to hide it because he's getting old. I mean, his hair kind of changes every five seconds.

I love James just the years keep going on and he still age James because no matter how old he is, they'll always be older than him. You know, I just need to play you this section that happened on the show last night that is just the most Sheena of all Sheena sections. Here we go. Hi, how are you? I know I'd left but there's that. Hi, how are you? I know I'd laughed but there's not. Hey, I cracked up, but that is just so that's like so she now like because look, this is

her from like a few seasons ago. Hey girl. Hi, how are you? Good. Good. Good. Good. Good.

Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. She's like, how do you yell corner when you're in the open? She doesn't know what to do with the pit. Actually, this would probably be her favorite activity because she just keeps going around all those obstacles going corner, corner, I'm down. I've been shot, corner. So they're doing one of those like wacky, it's like wacky day, paintballing. And another sign that the producers knew

that they were fucked for the season. They're going to paintball and Topgolf in one episode. Yeah, a lot of balls. And the game place at the beach. This is three adult game places they've gone to in one episode. Yes, but thankfully they kept their silly editing to a minimum. It was not like, you know, in seasons past, or if it would have been Potomac, it would have been like a da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-and-so and Santa balls so-and-so and they luckily like kept it minimal. So they have to like they go through orientation with the

guys like yeah, man, make sure you keep your masks on because this can cause blindness or facial reconstruction or you can knock a tooth out. You basically be kicked off Bravo. So be careful. It's like that's like I mean, no one wants any of those things to happen. But it's like, those are really high stakes if you're on better pump rolls. Super tech. What's our team? What the hell are we doing here? So you're in corner girl corner danger girl. I'm not going to be

playing paint balls because I'm soft right now. So can we play cotton balls? I'm not going to be playing paintballs because I'm in soft right now. So can we play cotton balls? I'm having a soft moment. So unless one of those is filled with stranger's sperm and being shot right up my badge hole, I'm done with this game. So I'm talking like that. My badge hole. All right. It's just a soft or soft. It's soft. Be soft. It's soft.

Soft is lala. So the boys go off to play paintball. They're like, guys, listen to me for a second as the owner of his own proprietary paintball set. I wanna let you guys know, do not get in groups. Spread the fuck out, okay? It's the same strategy as talking to girls. Spread the fuck out and then swarm, swarm, swarm. This is...

So then Lala is talking to Sheener while everybody paintballs. And she's like, it's such a weird group today. It's like 12 year olds here. Like one of them is 23 and said she met Sendeval when they go out together or something. And Sheena goes, what's so weird about that? I hang out with Tori and she's 24. Bah!

Yes. Yeah, precisely. So she was like, you know what? Like, they're talking about how Lala's talking about how she got into a little spat with Katie that night. And she was like, yeah, she got like really upset with Lala for like going to lunch with Joe and like not telling her. I'm like, yes, I mean, like I just got like a hot dog.

It's just a hot dog, like no big deal, right? And now it's like, oh yeah, like I feel like really bad for Joe, like I manifested like her being a boss someday but she only wound up being a hair boss and like, I feel bad that that manifestation went that way. And she's like, yeah, well, we grabbed a hot dog. It's going to make me laugh every single time. I grabbed the hot dog with Joes.

And so I sat down and I was like, yeah, why did you have to make that hot dog? And my mom was like, yeah. Well, look, Joes felt a little hard to follow us because she's all over the place. And I don't want to put her on the spot and overwhelm her, but talking to Katie, she's like, she gets really upset.

And Katie, I'm like, Katie, I was like, she said, I would like loyalty and consistency, okay? And loyalty, I mean, that's coming from a girl who just fucked her friend's ex-friend, no, her ex's best friend? What a loyalty is that? You know, I know Katie's unhappy and like, you know, like, it's like, you know, I've tried to baby her, but like, I will not be on the receiving ends of Katie going crazy. So, uh, now it's another day and now we're at Schwartz's apartment where Joe naturally is in the kitchen making bird sounds for the dog.

Just in there. Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet

tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet chores today. Whoops! Just spilled rice all over the floor. You're gonna have to clean it up. Just kidding! I'm not an evil stepmother. I'm a bird. I'm a bird. Butters, who am I? Who am I, Butter? Am I a bird or am I Cinderella? I don't know. I'm the air boss. I'm the air boss. Stop trying to eat me. I'm not actual Butter. Woof woof. So Schwartz enters and he's like, oh man, well, what happened the other night? I'm confused. Am I sending you mixed signals? Because I really would love to be in a long-term relationship with you, but I want to be single! Single! Yeah, I just want to make sure.

But I want a bad relationship. I just want to make sure I'm not sending mixed signals because I don't want us like standing up on the altar and I'm about to say I do. And then you're confused about it. Like, huh, are we dating? Like, no, we're not dating. We're just getting married. Dating, Molly. Just, you know, we're just here, because I like suits and tuxes, and I wanted to get married again. Not to you necessarily, but you're here,

so we're getting married. I'm just married to the idea of us being friends. So, uh- Your mom's paying for this, right? Okay, this is what a fucker Schwartz is. He says, am I sending you mixed signals? And then he says, because I know we have such a good

time together and we have undeniable chemistry, that being said, I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I want to date other people. That is the definition of a mixed signal right there. Oh, we have such good chemistry. That's undeniable. Well, I would never deny what chemistry we have. God, I can't wait to date other people. This is so, this is just unbearable. Okay, but I mean, I want to date other people and I am dating other people because I get numbers. I hook up with so many people. Oh my God, I'm just hooking up so much.

But I guess I can't date anybody. I can't date them, but I can hook up because I'm still a stud. Oh God, who are you kidding? Your middle-aged crisis is hurting me, okay? Yeah. So Joe is like, um, can you imagine how I feel after being around you for the past year and a half? We have been there for each other. We have held each other up while we cried We talked about someday going to an oversized hot dog and having lunch together. Yeah, I guess what did that with Lala?

Shut the fuck up. Are you embarrassed by me? No, I'm not embarrassed, Joseph, no, come on. People are saying that behind closed doors, that you're saying that in secret that we're dating. And she's like, yeah, because you're, she didn't say this, but you are secretly dating. You are. What are you talking about?

You've been hooking up with this girl forever and it was a secret you were totally lying about. So frustrating. You're hooking up with her regularly, and you're going together on little swan boats around a lake, and you're playing adult games. So yeah, that's secretly dating. And you live with her.

Yeah. And also, it's like- Come on, man. And you guys have like flirty banter, and like you guys with her. Yeah. And also it's like, Come on. And you guys have like flirty banter and like you guys have chemistry. So it's like, oh, maybe we should hang out as much. So props to her for just being so honest, by the way, also,

because she's like, okay, so shut the fuck up with this, you know, are you embarrassed by me or what? And then she's like, so I guess maybe we need to not hang out as much. And he goes, no, he says maybe we need to not hang out as much. And he goes, no, he says maybe we need to not hang out as much and she says, or at all. And he's like, whoa, to hear her say that is just so gut-wrenching

because we just have all this fantastic, we've had this fantastic voyage full of compassion and support and maybe even love. What a tragedy it would be to never hang out with each other again. Sir, well, you can't... First of all, keep Coolio out of it with the Fantastic Voyage. Second of all, if you want to keep her in your life,

then you also have to respect her. And like, you guys... You're either going to be in a relationship with her or not, but you're not going to be friends because she wants more than that. And he's like... She's like, sorry, he is like, well, maybe sometimes it is mixed signals because we have such a fucking good time together. I just want to have fun. She's like, yeah, we got it. We got it. We got it. I just don't want to send mixed signals. I can't listen. You addressing the mixed signals does not mean that the mixed signals go away. Like you're

not getting any sort of brownie points for acknowledging that addressing the mixed signals does not mean that the mixed signals go away. Like you're not getting any sort of brownie points for acknowledging that there are mixed signals because you are continuing to send them. Because you keep sending them. You're still the broken roadie. There's still the broken rodeo. You're still the broken radio. You know what I mean?

At some point, just turn yourself off. Like stop playing in my ears and then saying, sorry, I'm blowing fuzz into your ears. Okay, it's a mixed signal. Stop putting out mixed signals, it's annoying. He's like, but I love you, but I don't love you. But I like you, but I love you though, but I don't love you, but I don't wanna date you.

I wanna marry you, but I don't wanna marry you. I just wanna be with you. Please don't have my children. Oh my God, I can't wait. What are we gonna name our babies? Oh, that's so confusing. So she's like, would you say that we have a weird connection because everyone else sees it except for Katie, gross.

It's so easy, like us together, we'd be like, disgustingly together and like old and laughing and all those things. Don't you agree? Don't you can you imagine us watching Wheel of Fortune when we're 75 years old? When I'll buy a camel or a hot dog. You know what I'm saying? I mean, who else are you going to sit there and watch Wheel of Fortune with that can make the sound of the wheel?

And then we can be like, remember that time in our fifties when we actually went on Wheel of Fortune and then I attached my teeth to the wheel and went flung around into the audience? Oh my God. Ding! Wheel of Fortune! Where else you gonna hear that, Tom? Where? Oh, Wheel of Mixed Sign signals more like, oh man.

So he says, she's like, don't we have like this great, can't you imagine us like growing old together and just like laughing and having so much fun? And he's like, a hundred percent. It's like, see, don't, that's a mixed signal. And she was like, okay, but here's the thing. I have feelings for you. And he goes, yeah, same. And it's like, okay, but here's the thing. I have feelings for you. And he goes, yeah, same.

And it's not that I'm denying it. And she goes, okay, but you don't have to explain. Well, don't give him that out. Cause yes, he does have to fucking explain. He does have to explain. Because he's still doing it. Like right now. And she's like, and he's like, Joseph, don't cry.

And she's like, look, I'm being honest with you. And he goes, I love when you're honest with me. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Stop this patronizing thing. It's like, look, I'm being honest with you. And he goes, I love when you're honest with me. Shut up, shut the fuck up. Stop this patronizing thing. It's like, look, I don't wanna pressure you. I'm just, I'm gonna miss the laughter and the banter and the free olive garden. And you know, something like this only comes around

once in a while. This guy's such a piece of shit. And I think the real attraction to Jo is the fact that she triggers Katie. And I think that's the only attraction to Joe. I think it turns him on to piss Katie off. They've still, you know, like we've said a million times this season, they've still got some weird relationship

where they just like abusing each other, where they don't have to live together anymore, you know? And some married couples, we've seen it on multiple Bravo shows and real life, are just happier when they don't live together. You know, they have their own life and they still fight all the time, but somehow they're still happily married.

And I think that's kind of this couple and anybody else who's gonna get involved in this couple is gonna be collateral damage. Yeah. So Joe's like, it's just really hard. I just want him to be happy, like massively. He's my favorite person in the world and I don't care what he says about me, but that's the goddamn truth.

I think the world of him, which my response to that is, I think it's time to start meeting other people. You have to expand your pool. Yeah, I think you need to be, you need to worry about yourself being happy because this is fucking crazy. Now, on the other side of that, now normally this is the point where I'm like,

have some self-respect and get the fuck out of here. But I can totally see what she's going through with this because he is really doing a number on her and we see it. And this is him knowing he's on TV and knowing how to play his cards right. And he still looks like this much of a fuck with it. Like he's doing this on TV, just imagine what he's like behind closed doors with her. I know that he crawls into her bed

and they stare into each other's eyes and finger comb each other's hair on TV, just imagine what he's like behind closed doors with her. I know that he crawls into her bed and they stare into each other's eyes and finger comb each other's hair and then and then he says I'm not ready yet just to like cover his bases. But then he probably like sells fantasies of like yeah imagine we're gonna be like 50 and like going on cruises together. It's like yeah it'll be hilarious we'll be on like a cruise and like talking about people. Like they probably like do all that stuff. And then in public, he's just like, oh, we're only friends. I feel like genuinely bad for her. And she walks out of the apartment and she's crying.

She's like, I want to call my dad. And he's like, oh, Joseph, Joseph. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like you don't get to do the cutesy nickname right now. She is crying because of your inability to be a mature human being, mature-sk. Yeah. I think, you know, it doesn't mean you can't fuck around

and be single and be honest with people, but you're not being honest. Like you can say you're being honest all you want to, but your actions also matter and you're not acting like that. I know that he's making her believe like, oh, we have something for the future just when I'm ready. Just wait for me to be ready. It's like, oh my God, you're never gonna be ready.

You're like buying claim jumper mac and cheese from the grocery store. It's never ready. How long does that need to be microwaved? Just fucking mac and cheese. At some point, I'm just gonna eat a potato, you know? So funny, I was gonna mention Stouffer's. But no, he is like, look, he's entitled to be a potato, you know? So funny. I was going to mention Stouffer's, but, um, uh, no, he, he is

like, look, he's an, he's entitled to saying like, Hey, I just got out of this 10 year, 12 year relationship, whatever it was, and I want to be single and I want to have fun. I want to hook up with people and I want to date around, yada, yada, yada. I will not take that away from him. But what I hate is when, when people are in that space and that they kind of sell a bill of goods to someone who kind of has like hearts in their eyes and they know they have hearts in their eyes and they indulge it because they get off on it. It's just like not fair. It's not fair to those people. And I just feel, I feel really bad for Joe. And I think that that Schwartz, like this whole bullshit of being like the sweet nice guy when he's just as like

self-interested and self-obsessed as Sandoval or really so many other pigs, it's like, it's hard to watch. I mean, I love watching it. I think that's why he stays so close with Sandoval because he can say whatever he wants, but ultimately he gets to blame, Sandoval gets to shoulder all the blame for everything while Tom gets off scot-free in every single thing.

It's like, oh, the restaurant, oh gosh, maybe the restaurant's not doing well, but it's because of Sandoval. And also Tom never shows up and Tom never does anything. I'm the one who does everything. Well, we've watched this show for years and know how much you work. So like, unless that suddenly completely changed,

you know, and obviously that doesn't mean Sandoval is not a piece of shit. It's just the guy, Sandoval, at least we know what a piece of shit he is now, you know? And Schwartz, I think, just always flies under the radar. And that's the real killer, you know? It is. So anyway, thank you everyone for being here

on another humongous recap of Vanderpump Rules. For some reason, I thought this was only gonna be an hour and look at us now. So thanks everyone for being here. There's just always so much to talk about. Well, we sell more shows. We've got The Battle, we've got Summer House coming up later this week.

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