Watch What Crappens - #2393 Below Deck: Royal Pains

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Below Deck’s Fraser is in a snit with Barbie, but will the Captain let him fire her when there’s a new charter full of royalty? Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Who cares what happens when this Oh, Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins! Watch What Crappins!

Who cares what happens when this Oh, Watch What Crappins! Hello everybody and welcome to Watch What Crappins! The podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broves! I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hi, Ben! Hi, how are you? and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Broves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben.

Hi. How are you? Disaster. I'm a disaster today. No. We've been off not recording this because I got a new audio input and then that was causing fuzz and then that caused everything. I unplugged it and then unplugged everything and then it's just been an electrical disaster

today is what's happening over here. Well, you're not a disaster. You're a human anti disaster. Thanks, man. Triumph. You're a triumph. Oh, guys. And welcome to the show. Disasters are not here. We are. Today is Below Deck Day.

And we're excited to be here. Also, we're gonna be excited to be in Los Angeles and Dublin and London and Birmingham in May. We're going to all four of those places. Yeah. We're also gonna be seeing Taylor Swift in Stockholm. So hi, Tay Tay, see you soon. If you guys wanna come see us,

go to watchwithcrappens.com for ticket links. If you wanna see Taylor, that's her own damn business. Okay. We can tell you one thing. The tickets to our shows are not nearly as expensive as Taylor's shows. So if you're looking to save some money, come to a Crappin show instead of an ERAs tour. Yeah, it's the same basic thing at the end of the day, really. It is. We'll sing the songs if you tour. Yeah, it's the same basic thing at the end of the day, really. It is.

We'll sing the songs if you want. Yeah. So welcome. Today is Below Deck Day. As we said, this week's bonus, it's a two-parter because we have Vanderpump Villas coming down the pike. So we're doing that for bonus episodes on Patreon.

These are videos on Patreon as well. You know, it's enough advertising. I'm going crazy. Let's do this recap, shall we? Hello, deckies. Yeah, let's do it. So everyone was on a beach day last time we saw the show and Fraser and Barbie were just having a rough day and he is over it and you're a horrible person when you don't want to speak to anyone. I'm done. I'm done.

Actually, it's Frazier's romcom done, comma, actually. It's just Fraser. I'm done. I just feel like that's Fraser. His best is just being in a snit, but you can't do that when you're the boss. OK. And if you are in a snit, it has to be like a Kate Chastain snit, like a quiet, better than you snit, not like an everything is getting to me emotionally, and

I'm just gonna lose my shit every two seconds, snit. It's like your third season, cut the crap. It needs to either be like, Kate, I'm better than you. It has to be Hannah. Don't you dare act like this, because I will destroy you. Or a Faye, which is more like, I don't know why you're talking to me right now when you don't have your hair up. Speaking of, I was watching Peacock as one does.

I was watching Top Chef actually, which we don't need to get into because we already went in on that one on Potomac. But I was watching it, well, I thought I was watching it because Peacock has a fucked up way of scrolling to things and pressing play. Like I could swear to you, I pressed play on Top Chef, but then there's a gorgeous screen comes up and I hear,

oh, tell you what we're in for, an adventure. And then I hear, well, I've never seen any way it's gorgeous as I have now. Right now, we are living in heaven. We are living and working right in the center of heaven's universe, which is heaven. It's heavenly, it's heavenly, I tell you. And I was like, this is the best Top Chef ever.

It's a below deck adventure themed. Faye's pregnant ass gonna be up here. I was so excited. But then it was just below deck adventure and I had to watch these terrible guests. Oh my God, these guests suck. The people, Fraser sucks. I was so, Ben really sucks. I was so upset. Lady, congrats on your baby, Faye, but I'm really pissed off that you did this to me. I hope you're prepared to do like every man does on this show and leave that little fucker for my

entertainment. Yeah, we're gonna need to find a way to get, to get Faye on this show as Chief Stu. I mean, I enjoy Fraser enough. I appreciate the variety of having a male Chief Stu, but let's be honest, we need Faye and we need her now. Faye is so good and not enough people, I believe not enough people really are aware of Faye. And I like she would have handled Barbie in the most hilarious way. She just

would have walked up to Barbie and just sort of stared at her and said, and then Barbie could have had an attitude and Faye would have been like, but you're still going to clean the teacups. Yes. Faye is one of the most underrated. Now, Fraser, listen, it's a fellow gay. We want to see a gay do his thing. But otherwise, I'm not a hater of Fraser. I just, this job is basically like having the audience

as the HR division because, you know, like even when you go read below deck threads on Reddit, which are hilarious if you haven't, they're so funny because it's really people just pretending they're everybody's boss. Like I would not take that kind of behavior at work. And that kind of backtalk is not for even the break room, not even in the break room.

It's like people going off about like how much better they are than everyone else in the office. You know, it's a lot of like who ate my lunch conversations in there. And so I feel like we are HR in the office. You know, it's a lot of like, who ate my lunch conversations in there. And so I feel like we are HR as the audience. And so that's where Fraser is running into problems with me. It's the HR in me that's like, you can't talk to people like this when you're the boss.

Like who raised you? I get your first time, your first season or whatever, but how many seasons? You can't just go into gay rage whenever you get pissed off and especially screaming at women like that's not he's just he's trying to figure out his cheap stew voice and so last season he was trying to be friends with everyone didn't work out so this season he's trying to be like the boss but he's like going to he's going

too far you know uh in terms of, he's getting involved in the petty fights rather than just being above it and just saying like, fix your attitude or like we're moving on. But also last year, he was not above it all. And I love that he keeps saying that like, oh, well last year I was just friends with everybody. No, you weren't, you were terrible. You hated Camille and you hated that other girl too.

Why are you pretending that you were like the biggest peacekeeper on the show? You weren't. I mean, you weren't like screaming like you are. I don't know if screaming's the right word. Is that a microagation? I don't know. But he's a little, yeah, screaming at Barbie.

I just don't like it. I don't like it. It's rubbing me the wrong way. It's more like he's engaging with Barbie as if she is his peer, pun intended. But the truth is that she's not his peer, she works for him. And it's like, you can be frustrated

at the person working below you, and you can say things like, you need to fix your attitude. But he's engaging in a certain way where it's like, if they're both going off and like not talking to each other, like across the pool, it's like, that's sort of a, that's like a petty look for a boss. And also chasing down an employee on a day off to fight with them when she's not doing anything.

She's leaving him alone. He's like literally chasing her down, talking to everybody about her, which is gross, then chasing her down and forcing a fight It's just like It's great. It's not it's not professional that that he goes and offloads onto or unloads Onto the the new stew He really shouldn't be doing that in the first place that he doesn't really know very well

Anyway on top of all that but like you said said you know upon thinking about it over the past week which i didn't think much about it but like it was barbie's day off and you're allowed to bitch about your boss that's actually like totally acceptable it's like one of the god-given rights of an employee it's some of the only power that an employee has is to be able to bitch about your boss so he should just let her blow off steam and just focus on getting a good job done. Yeah. Here, here. Okay, so here we are at the True Blue Bay Resort, which I love that it's called True Blue

when literally Barbie is crying. I think that's so funny. So, Ben is walking around True Blue. That means like sad. Oh, but the Madonna song is, True Blue baby, I love you. Is she sad when she's singing that song? I think is true blue, baby. I love you. Is she sad when she's singing that song?

Yeah. I think, I think she's sad. It's like you broke up with me. Hold on. What is that song? True. I don't know what I actually don't really know what true blue means.

It's just like words to me that of course, Billy Eilish had to have a song called that as well. So let me specify it's a Madonna. Let me specify it's Madonna. Let me specify it's BB before Billy. Okay. There was a world before true blue meaning. Eilish. True blue means to be completely loyal to a person. You don't have to be, which is funny because why would anyone call their bait? I guess just blue, regular blue. Maybe like truly blue is like, I am really sad because I'm truly blue. But true blue is like, I am with you to the end.

And Madonna's song is very sad. True love, you're the one I'm dreaming of. Your heart fits me like a glove. And I'm gonna be true blue. Okay, I thought it was sad. Do you know why? You live and you learn. Everything is sad.

It's like, my heart belongs to you and I'm gonna be sad. Maybe because if you thought it was like, she's like the guy moved on, left Madonna behind and she's like, I'll still be loyal to you, but I'll be sad because you left me. No, I'm just dumb. Okay, so True Blue, nevermind, it's not funny. They're just at a place called True Blue.

I'm like, Ronnie, I need to relitigate your joke. I don't believe there's humor in it. I'm glad you did. I think it's- No, if they were just at Blue Bay, still wouldn't be funny. Okay, so- Or very Blue Bay. need to relitigate your joke. I don't believe there's humor in it. I think it's now if they were just a blue bay, still wouldn't be okay. So very blue bay point is Ben is in a budgie smuggler and nobody needs that in their life. And Sonny is still like, love him. Love him. Get him married. I'm gonna have little baby budgie

smuggling babies. Yeah, not into it. So Barbie is like sobbing in the bathroom to her mom on the phone. She's like, I'm ruining the day for everyone, mom. And she's like, you didn't ruin the day for anyone except for me, cause I was actually enjoying myself this afternoon until you called. Listen, the only people ruined by this family

are Pepsi people, okay? So don't you worry about yourself. And any of those Pepsi people fucking deserved it. And she's like, but I'm crying. So she's like, you're not a quitter now. Not that much of a worker either, really, honestly. I mean, we're rich as hell. So why would you? But, you know, you can't be a quitter

unless you're a worker in the first place. Now, she does work. I just always want to say like she doesn't have to work because she's so rich. the point is she's rich but she still works which I know she's learning this mystery. I'll tell you whose day she ruined our day because we weren't able to make a good joke about the fact that she's like a spoiled princess because she works. She like ruins the spoiled princess thing for us. I'm telling you it's the day I'm having. Yeah. Electricity doesn't work right. Just buzzing on the audio. Barbie's rich.

There are flies on the jugs. Big enough to put up a thing. There are flies on her dugs, big enough to be a while with her with her with her. Okay Okay guys, we're talking back into the woods now. Let's get back to it. So Fraser is bitching to Zandy. He's like, every time I've spoken to her, she said, no, you're the problem. It's you, it's you, it's not me. It's me all the time, it's always me.

You're the boss, calm down, bro. Yeah. And so Anthony is like, yeah, well, she's in the bathroom crying on Yeah, well, she's in the bathroom crying on the phone saying she's going to leave right now. And so Fraser has this glass he swirled because that center of care package. This is so his Betty Davis moment. That glass is bigger than his head. First of all, it's

huge. Oh, yeah, well, center of care package. Ah, in that chair. Yeah, ah, Blanche. And so Sandy's like, oh yeah, honestly, we love her. We leave her. So God bless. When did you turn into such a fucking vampire? Well, because, well, she is a vampire. So she's not comfortable being in the sun right now.

So she's probably more prone to being cranky. And she- See, I'm failing on all ends today because she even called herself a vampire in the beginning, right? She's like, it's more like, when did you become such a human? When did you become someone who can tolerate the sun

and see your reflection? Yeah, like her opening thing was like, I am vampire. I don't, okay, so then she's like, if you don't want to be here, no one's going to force you, I would help you pack. So then inside, or now Barbie's talking to Kyle, and she's like, I'm not a quitter, I'm not even going to go right now. And he's like, then be yourself then.

Come on girl, no one's stopping you from being yourself other than you. You got four more charters. Just be above it. Just do it. This is advice coming from a cowboy, a newly minted cowboy from Montana. I just found out.

I just found out. I've got blood from Idaho. He's like, shut it. If you quit, I'll never speak to you again. Mainly because I'm going off to Wyoming. So they now it's time to get ready for the night and Dylan is like dancing in the bathroom like go go dance. Oh, yeah, I got hot body now. Yeah, look at this right now. Now hold

on one second. I hear that calories in the wall. Let me just scrub down the wall so I don't get wall calories. So could you play the song I like big butts and I cannot lie just so I could say lie and nobody likes big butts. So then I'm sorry. So then. I'm sorry. Anyone still listening to this just log on because I can't.

You just need to go away now. I love a deranged blow deck recap. One of my favorite shows to be deranged on is when we do it on blow deck. Just warning you now, it's not gonna get better. Anybody who's still on the line. True Blue, I hate the film on him. That's his favorite version of the song. True Blue,

I hate the film on him. Also, Barbie is crying still and she's like, I've never quit. I've never quit a job. Well, then you just haven't been paying a fucking attention. Who hasn't quit a job? That's the saddest thing I've ever heard in my life. One of the greatest freedoms we have in life is doing this. Fuck you. I'm sick of this fucking place. I never liked you. I mean, at least an inside voice. Quit. America, if you hate your job, quit it. Right now, just say fuck you and leave. Go eat someone's lunch in the fridge and get out of there. The worst boss I ever had who abused me, I would joke, it would be like 12 hours a day of constant abuse. Finally, one day I just walked in

and in true band fashion I said, I think I'm gonna move on, but I'm gonna give you a three week notice. Three weeks? I gave a three week notice. And then every day in those three weeks you were like, mm-hmm, that's right. Yep, yep, I was.

And I was like, you've only got 20 days left, buddy. I'm a better employee now. It was great because he couldn't emotionally abuse me for three weeks, because there was no point. So he then started being nice to me. And then he was like, why are you being a good assistant now? I was like, because you're not yelling at me.

He was, oh. No. Oh well. I also don't believe in not yelling at your employees. So we're at a conundrum. This is what we call an impasse in this discussion. So Torian. So so Paris walks by Ben and Ben's like, hi. And she's like, hi, hi, hi.

Australian, hi, Australian, hi. And then he like kind of like goes and he kind of goes back to her and then he like hugs Her and kind of like caresses the back like he like goes in for like a kiss But it's like very handsy and kissy and Like right in front of Sonny too. He's such a skeeve ball. So he's like, oh, hello girls. Oh Sonny you look great and Sonny's like what the fuck? Oh also, I'm sorry. I keep calling her summer. I don't know why. It's okay. There's some involvement. I avoid both the sun and summer. So she's just kind of

getting me on all fronts there. So she's like, what the fuck? I feel like I've been seeing this guy since the very beginning and he's just playing his temptation. Now. This is so disrespectful to me. This is not cool. You just look like an asshole and I cannot wait to get married. I know. Totally sleeping with him tonight. Fucking Sonny. You tell him Sonny. You tell him.

So now they're all walking to dinner and Sonny and Zandy are like walking right behind Ben and Paris and Sonny is like, I am just so disgusted. Like come on. Like flirt. Like, oh let's flirt. Let's are like walking right behind Ben and Paris and Sunny's like, I am just so disgusted. Like, come on, like flirt? Like, let's, oh, let's flirt. Let's just like flirt right now. It's just disgusting behavior. You know what, this isn't even tequila. I'm not even drunk enough to be, I'm just like angry. I was like, yes, you're gonna be so angry

that you're going to let him just walk all over you. Okay, great. Yeah, what's your sad tequila character again? She's like, oh, I have this alter ego. It's like Clementine or something. Her name is like Sarah, tequila Sarah. Her name is Alanis Morissette. No, that would be a good one.

Could you imagine being a tequila Alanis? You're like, got drunk and then suddenly you're like. I want you. That would be the like literally the scariest thing if you're on a date. Like, so do you like to party? It's like, yeah, when I drink, I call my drunken side, Alanis Morissette. It's like, oh, no. It's like, yeah, if you ever touch another woman again, because I've got one hand on my hand and another hand on the water faucet.

Sorry, I thought we were doing sing-a-long. I'm officially out of Aladdin songs. That's literally all I know. I would have gone for a very long time, but I decided to stop myself. Yeah, thankfully I am not knowledgeable enough to continue down that path. You're all welcome. It's time for a commercial.

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I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane too, can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much.

It starts small and then it gets so big. Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. From Wondry, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds

and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, I'm back. Just kidding. Okay, so let's see. So dinner, dinner. Now I'm just calling her dinner.

It wasn't disrespectful enough to call her summer. Now I'm calling her dinner, which is actually something I like. You see how I go full circle in a opinion circle. So they go to dinner. So she's trying to bitch so that Ben will care because she's walking and she's doing it right behind him. Literally behind his back while he's flirting with Sunny,

but he does not, I'm not Sunny, Paris, but he literally does not care. He just loves Paris. Yeah, because Paris we've decided is an instant gay icon. She's mother, iconic. Paris is mother. Yeah, you know, Paris is great. So, yeah, so he doesn't care. He knows hot blonde Aussie there, so bye, Sonny.

So then Dylan is like, I want to make a video, chef. Try to look sexy. Mm-hmm. And only he, of course he takes selfies like this. He's like, oh yeah, I'll take selfie. Yeah, look at myself. I'm like, oh, just calm down. He's like shimming into the camera.

So they all sit at this table and Barbie's like, guys, I want to do a toast. I just want to apologize for all the shit going on today. I mean, I think everyone knows there's stuff going on between me and freezer. He's a little bit more of a Pepsi person, obviously, like outside the family brand, but we're trying to like work through it and like just like be better about it. Like don't just be about it. Like talk about, no, talk about it. Don't just be about it. Whatever it is, like tons of drama and like freezer,

we have to figure this out. And I'm like, I'm sorry it's affected everyone. And for those who are unaffected, I'm sorry that you're being affected by it right now in my toast. Yeah. And Carl's like, here, here. And Sandy says, I think that's the worst toast

I've ever heard, but I'll toast to it anyway. Why the fuck not? So they're like, what the hell was that? So then Ben, of course, is very affected by that toast. So he turns to Paris and he's like, are you on Instagram? Oh, fuck off. Oh, girl, she's like, yes, I'm at porcupine, did Google it. Oh, because that's another thing.

Can we get this is a big thing that's been haunting us all week. Echidna, Echidna, Echidna, which I did not know. I've heard of echidnas. I don't know. That's actually how they're. That's how you say them. I was always at your night. By the way, I'm going to say someone's someone assaulted my eyes by just sending a photo of an echidna's five-pronged dick to us. Uh, I appreciate, I have been educated. Kidna's five pronged dick to us.

I appreciate I have been educated. We do need to like, I think before you send animal dicks to me, just please give me a heads up because I don't, I don't need to, I don't, it was too much. I woke up in the morning. It was the first thing I saw and I was like, I don't know if I can, I don't know if I, I don't know if I could do this today. I don't blame you. I almost looked it up cause people't know if I can be here. I don't blame you. I almost looked it up because people are like, dummies, it's a kid now.

And you were right by the way, because you said it last week. And then I was like, no, she's saying a kid, like a kangaroo kid. It made sense, made sense. Like a kangaroo kid. It made sense in my head, but I was, alas, I was Alanis, I was wrong.

Tequila Alanis, I was wrong. And so I was like, well, I'm gonna Google this and So I was like well, I'm gonna Google this and I was like no But is that the thing with like a five dick? It's like I'm not doing the picture. I have very no I'm not gonna look at it either. Do not send it to me I'm not going to very high blood pressure. I could die at any moment I don't want to be dead and then people find me with like a kidney dick.

They're like, he had a strange kink. Yeah. Like he died looking at a kidney porn. It's just the strangest looking thing. And by the way, to the person who sent it, it was very funny, and it is wild. But I was just like, you know, when you're not expecting it and all of a sudden you're just confronted

with a five-pronged dick in your life, it's just like a lot, it's a lot to take in. It's a lot to take in all of a sudden. Yeah, but now we know. So yeah, Ben's trying to get with this girl. And so Sunny is watching all of this and not being subtle at all. She's like, did you see that?

Did you see that? Even that, even just that Instagram, really? And Barbie's like, you know what? Why don't you just switch seats with Kyle? I'll sit by Kyle, I don't even mind. You can just go sit closer to that. You do what makes you happy. So they switch seats.

And then Ben's like, I have no idea what's going on with Sonny. Maybe because you've got a fucking halfie while you're scrolling through this girl's Instagram right in front of Sonny, bro. Yeah, maybe it's because your five-pronged dick is sticking up so strong and hard that's lifting the table up

because you're so turned on by this girl. And I think that we know why, because he's on TV and he's suddenly attractive. Because this guy was not getting it like this when he was not on TV. Just some guy who worked on a boat, I'm sorry. But the being on TV factor has upped his hotness level and I think he's just getting used to it.

It's like Dylan, like Dylan got used to, you know, losing some weight and being attractive for the first time. I think that that's how Ben feels, you know? He's like attractive, this attractive. I'm not gonna say attractive at all for the first time, but like this attractive because he's right. But I can't stand when fuckboys do this. Like, well, I have no idea what's going on with Sonny and I. I mean, what the hell? Why am I in a situation like this again? I mean, that's like, it's like the tagline. What?

How did this happen? You know, like when you string someone along and then you flirt with someone else in front of them and then the first person gets upset and you're like, what? Well, I can't believe I'm always in these situations. Women Am I wrong? He literally says women literally says winning and then rolls his eyes and laughs at the camera. Okay, so Fraser is like, can you believe that she just said that in a toast? A toast of all things.

That is the most disrespectful thing I've ever heard in my life. I'm done. And tomorrow will be three stews again. And that's it, because I've been given the power. I'm Chief Stew now, and we'll see what happens to that. Like, okay, okay, like literally twisting his mustache there on the side. No one cares.

And then just because the Dylan trying to drink out of his glass and he spills on himself, which is like revenge of the calories. It's like, how we will attach ourselves to you some way, maybe not on the inside, but on the outside. He did that on purpose because there was cream in that drink. He ordered like an espresso martini. That guy's not going to drink a creamy drink. He spilled that shit on purpose

That is a great conspiracy theory. He's like true blue espresso martini on the chest Whoops, I spilled all the calories. Just could you go wash some ham for me? So Ben and Sonny go to get like to go smoke and So Ben and Sunny go to get like to go smoke and Paris is like, hey, Laura, are we going to do a little, we have a little cigarette. Is that what's going to happen? Have a little slingy. I'm gonna do a little slingy. And she's like, no, just him and I. And she's like, all right, sorry. Well, I guess just gonna be me and the echidnas tonight.

I've never felt the first time I've heard that. So then Ben and Sunny go sit and he's just looking at her like, why, why are you so crazy? You know, she goes, oh, you let me sit first? Wow, what a gentleman. So how was your day? And he's like, oh, the whole day, all I thought about was spending more of the day with you. Seriously, you're all I think about. She goes, oh, really? Mm hmm. He's like, I hope that's reciprocated though. Don't you? You know what might make us feel better? Let's look at Paris's bikini pics on Instagram. Oh look at this picture. She put Christmas lights on each one of the kidnastics.

So we did the holiday strangely, I'm not going to lie. So Sunny's like, I feel disrespected in many ways. Like when someone touches someone else's waist and ass in front of me and everyone is just like, and everyone else is just like, that's not okay, Ben. And he goes, Well, what do you want from me? I mean, what are we? So he starts throwing in this thing, like, Oh, wait, oh, whoa, you're trying to, you're trying to lock me down. Why you're a crazy lady who wants to be in a relationship right now.

You're going so fast. Yes, and he's doing that whisper thing where he goes, what are we? What even are we right now? What is it? He's just talking as low as he can for her to seem crazy. Now, here's the thing. She is fucking crazy, Okay. She's crazy for

dating Ben the first place there. But she's right. And she's also crazy for continuing. It's like, this isn't something you talk over. This is a disrespectful piece of shit. Okay. And the more you take it, the more he's going to do it. So she's crazy in that way, but she's very smart and that she knows exactly what he's doing. Cause I have a feeling she's been called crazy a lot, but the last guy. And so now she's like, not doing it. And she's not giving him his way. He's like trying to whisper. So it makes it sound like she's yelling. And she's like, I'm not yelling. I'm telling you very straight up. You fuck what you're doing wrong. You know?

And it's impressive because I don't think I would be able to be like that. I would have Dylan's Milky drink all over this fucker's shirt Yeah, and sunny is like, you know It doesn't have to be titled that we're like an item for you to respect the fact that we're like sleeping together and that We're something and he goes I like you and you know that She's yelling at me, everybody. They can't hear what I'm saying.

But they can hear what you're saying. So they're like, now they start to clasp hands and she goes, and I like you. Like, are we an item? And he goes, well, we're not dating right now. So she just drops her hands. It's like, okay, you're not dating. You're not exclusive. But like, I'm sorry, if you guys are sleeping together, you're an item. Okay. I feel like item is like the base level of not just friends, like, because you're not just friends, you are sleeping with each other. There

is a there's something a little more than just friends. So I am saying item because you're not just well, it's annoying that people need a certain word. You need a certain word combination to get any fucking decency or respect. And it's so annoying. It's like a game show where like you have to come up, did always say the correct words. No, then you're going to continue to be disrespected. Cause all I did, you're fucking, you're fucking, you're making out with her all over the boat. You're PDA. Everybody knows that you guys are together. I did you're fucking you're fucking you're making out with her all over the boat your

PDA everybody knows that you guys are together. So what do you call it together or not? You're being fucking disrespectful and you're embarrassing her in front of everybody else Absolutely, right, right Yeah, he goes and then then he goes well with with slaying each other and we're sleeping with each other We're on our way to becoming an're on our way to becoming an item, on your way to becoming an item, I mean, there's not much time left on this boat, okay? You're an item. If you're seeing each other and sleeping with each other,

that's called an item. Maybe you're on your way towards a relationship, maybe you're on your way towards saying you're exclusive, but you're an item, sir. So, she's like, so are you telling me that you like me and that I like you and that's going down the drain? So we're just sleeping together? And he goes, no, we have a season to go.

And hopefully by the end of it, we could be an item. But right now we're sleeping together. Right now when I think I have a chance with someone blonde and new, we're not together but the second I find out I have no shot with her will be official until I'm on the next charter and there's someone else to fuck. Okay. And I'll string you along and then at the end I'll commit to a relationship but oopsie long. It's not going to work out. Oh, well, well, I'm a gentleman because I decided to be exclusive with you. But unfortunately the fate conspired against us because geography.

So I get all the credit of being a gentleman with that older commitment of doing it. All right. Good talk. Good talk. So she's like, whatever. So she's not pleased. So then back to the Vans and Sonny is like, oh my God, the conversation we just had is such bullshit.

And then in Ben's van, he's like, Paris, did I touch your ass today at all? Which of course he's gonna do to Paris so that he can be like, see this crazy lady who's obsessed with me? Mm-hmm. And then she's like, I mean, probably, I don't know, I get touched regularly. You should send me walking, I mean, probably, I don't know. I get touched regularly.

You should send me walking around the echidnas. Am I right everyone? I was like, get those five fingers off my leg. And I took it down and you don't even want to see, know what I saw down there. Let me tell you what, when we got that echidna, he had one penis. Let me tell you something. You never want to see an aroused echidna because if it goes too far, it's going to look like the Bellagio fountains.

So then the other band, so he's like, he was all over Paris and Dylan's like, oh yeah, who was sitting next to her like this? I mean, his hand was on her knee like that. And she's like, oh God, so I'm not the only one seeing this then. And then back to Paris, she's like, I mean, four people touched my ass today. I mean, it's a hello where I'm from basically. I mean, who doesn't touch it? Zandy's like, I didn't touch it.

She goes, yes, you did. Zandy's like, good God. So then back at the boat, it's time to go to bed and Zandy crawls in. Oh no, not Zandy. Um, what's her name? Sunny crawls into the top bunk with Barbie and just starts sobbing and Barbie's like, oh my god, we're totally getting up for Muddans today. Just crying. Let it out. Let it out. Let it out. Poor person. I know that you have to be here because you

it's a necessity. Okay. I know how hard that must be. And then Paris is saying, you know, like, oh, well, you know, Sonny's upset with me. And Zendaya's like, oh, well, you know, both men are stupid people. It's just what happens. Paris is like, yeah, they always end in tears. Am I right?

Sort of like an echidna doing the Olympics. So then Sonny's still crying. I don't want to get hurt again. Well, stop running into a brick wall. Okay? Seriously. At some point. I don't want to get hurt. That's why I'm going to go after him one more time.

20 times. So then, um, Paris is still going on about her ass. She's like, well, if someone touched it, it was probably just an accident. All right. You know, look, flirting goes over my head most of the time. And I don't want to be that new girl who comes in and upsets everyone just like that, you know, I mean, boys just want to fuck 24 seven and I forget that. It's just how boys are.

You know, I think the only person who I noticed touched my ass was Dylan, but to be fair, he was wiping some ham on it for some reason, said something about the calories didn't quite get it. was wiping some ham on it for some reason, said something about the calories. Didn't quite get it. So now there's some like girl power song about like wearing high heels and. Feeling it or something. Okay. So then Fraser radios, he's like, captain, captain, man, meet you in the bridge.

I'm like, Oh God, did you bring the giant glass? Cause I really need you to bring your giant Betty Davis glass and be like, we need to have a talk captain. Here's what's happening here. Someone has crossed the line, crossed the line, I tell you. Jill Zaron's going to pop up and be like, okay, Fraser, I just want to give you a little bit of advice. If you're angry at someone, want to use a smaller glass, you have less chance of it breaking. Just letting you know for next time, it'll be a better confrontation. Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding.

How's the Nugget Ice going to stay alive in a glass that big? I mean, it's good, but it's not a miracle. You know what I mean? At the end of the day, it's still a nugget. It's this big. It's like a quarter of the size of a regular ice. Unless we're talking about the big crescent ice, you know, it's like an eighth of that ice.

I mean, what are you expecting with a glass this big? It's going to be a puddle by the end. You're going to be carrying around an icy puddle. You're welcome. I've been very honest with my captain this season and I'm going to continue that by expressing my concerns with Barbie. This is my gut feeling and as a hideously overweight person

as I am, my gut feeling means a lot. So I need her gone. She's causing that much aggravation amongst my team. I'm better off without you, Barbie. All right, matey, lay it on me now. You've got about... You're basically like, what's a face? We just talked about it.

You're basically like fey in a scarf. Why do I feel some anger emanating off of you? He's like, well, I was about to wear an anger scarf. Is that where I got it from? All right, anyway, here's what's happening. Now listen, I've done everything I could. And I'm speaking in past tense because I've done everything. Do you understand me? Past tense because she's dead to me now. Do you understand? The lack of respect, the undermining of my authority, it is past its sell-by date. It is old milk. It is cream for someone else's coffee.

Someone who likes very, very sour cream, because it's past its expiration. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Barbie must go. Excuse me, I couldn't help but over here is the cream. Is it non-dairy and is it skinned by any chance? It has to be a dilly and it's not your conversation. So then he goes, the phrase goes, and the cherry on top metaphorical dealing.

I know sugar, et cetera. The cherry on top was after yesterday she made a speech to the table, airing her dirty laundry between her and I. It's horrible, actually terrible, hideous, disgusting, vile, putrid, American. All right, well, you could have had me an American, mate, but listen, we have to find someone else, but it was a hard last charter and I don't want to be down as stew again. Now, the second thing we need to do here is we need to separate personal from business, do you understand?

Because that was the day off. So her being insulting to you, you took that personally, which is fine, but that's separate from business, do you understand? Cause that was the day off. So her being insulting to you, you took that personally, which is fine, but that's separate from business. And he's like, I understand. So this isn't going my way. So basically when I said the end of my rope and spoiled milk, none of that meant anything to you. So I guess that's just all drink spoiled milk until we diarrhea faces.

How about that? That sounds wonderful. So glad I came up to you. You know, his inside voice was like, how did I lose this one? I came up with definitive language and nothing. He's like, I even put a cherry on top. Metaphorical Dylan. So stop talking about sugar. Captain Gary's like, well, as I always like to say, do you go Lauren Senielli guess here missing easy in the vermin, which as we all know is don't let emotions overtake you.

I know what it means. Of course. You at this point, we all know how to speak Turkish. They all can hear your stupid duolingo going, ta-ding! Ta-ding! So he's like, and besides, you just told me three days ago that she did a great job. And Fraser was like, well, it's not like it's something personal. I mean, it was three days ago, which was the only professional.

So she's been bothering me professionally as well. And he's like, well, I'm not disregarding how you feel in cupcake. So it's like, he was kind of getting rid of me. He was like, oh my God, listen here, drama queen. Okay. He's like, leadership isn't just about hiring and firing. It's also about law fest while you're on an adventure. Now, listen here, you may look like you'll just win, but doesn't mean we need the drama.

If you know what I'm saying. So I want you to improve on your strength as a leader. All right. But leadership isn't always acting on the power that you have. And Fisher's like, good point, actually. It's very, very good. Well, I came in here, my mission has failed yet again. This was wonderful. Great talk. I will go eat shit. That was just the cherry on top. What is that rubbing against the door? Sorry. Hey, Dylan, there is not a key rise on the door. It's on top of a

figurative Sunday. Captain Kerry, if you don't mind, I would like to just walk downstairs for the next five minutes and mutter things about how terrible I am. Is that okay? Okay. Here we go. Going down the staircase for the first series of inserts directed at me personally. I'm such an imbecile moron.

Idiot. I can't believe I actually did that. What are you doing? Why do you even get into this profession in the first place? at me personally. I'm such an imbecile moron, idiot. I can't believe I actually did that. What are you doing? Why do you even get into this profession in the first place? That stupid man over there is licking the wall because he thinks there's a cherry on it. This is what I surrounded myself with.

I could have gone to Cambridge and made something in my career and said I'm doing this instead. I feel better now. All better. Commercials, here comes one right now. So the captain's like, all right, we'll just remove your emotion from the situation. I feel like Fraser is starting to push his agenda more than the boat's agenda. It's a problem for anyone in leadership to let their emotion override their professionalism. And it's what I told that whale when he was following my boat after accidentally nipping

one of his kids. He tried to whack my boat with his tail and I took an iron right out of the wall, plugged it into an extension cord and burned his ass as he tried to charge me. That whale has never forgotten me, but it's never attacked me again. And that's what I call adventure. So now Dylan is cleaning the boat. He's like, well, I'm going to give old STD a wash because it's the St. David.

Unless he was talking about a specific brand of ham. Just give it a little bit of a wash. STD ham. We're gonna whoosh this fat right off of you STD. And then Ben and Sunny are working, he's like, are you doing okay? She's like, yeah. So then in the laundry, Paris and Zandy are loving each other,

because Paris works and makes jokes and stuff.. And Sandy's like, she's an actual stew plus she's funny. A funny stew, a funny stew who would actually know how to iron a small napkin. My prayers have been answered. So then Benny and Sunny sit down to have a talk and he's like, how do you feel about everything? And I'm just asking you that is a fuck buddy, not an actual interested item. And, um, Sunny's like, well, I'm just confused about that conversation. And he goes, well, what if I, what if I said I was confused? Nice, nice confusion turning up the tables.

So Sunny is like, she's like, well, I mean, we're not married. We're not in a relationship. We're just a thing. Yeah, we're a thing. You know, you said item, which is a completely different thing than a thing. I wish you'd just been clear last night. Listen, I have to have less than 12 items in the speed checker. But if I have 12 items in the thing, I can still go through the speed checker. Jim Stamper, I'm saying. No, not really. I mean, look, you know, the movie's called The Thing, it's not called The Item. No one's

terrified. No one's afraid of an item in the Arctic, but they're afraid of a thing. There's a big difference. So she's like, well, I'm not, oh, he puts his hand on her leg, because of course. And then she's like, well, I'm not asking for a ring on my finger. And he goes, baby, I know that, and I didn't put one on there. I know, Ben, that's not the problem. And she's like, but I'm not open to fucking around with I know Ben, that's not the problem.

And she's like, but I'm not open to fucking around with other people, so that's on you now. And he goes, good, then we're on the same page. She goes, yeah. And then he like pats her leg. She goes, okay, well if we are, then it's better. It's not better, he disrespected you.

Do you not remember that he disrespected you and that when you confronted him about it, he made you seem like the crazy one? No, no, ma'am about him fucking other people He hadn't fucked anybody else. It was about him flirting with people right in front of your face But just keep moving that goal so you can get back on it gross Yeah so now they're all cleaning and All right, Bobby Bobby Bobby might make in the

air, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Carrie, and she's like, fuck me. So then it cuts to Paris and she's found like this throw pillow and she's like, what's wrong with this pillow? Has no one touched you in a while? I wish someone would touch me like this more than just a five pronged dick decking in a norm sign. So now as Captain and Barbie is like, I'll be off the boat for a moment and going for an adventure. So he goes back, he goes down to the picnic table on the dock.

Why? No one really knows, but he takes Barbie down there and he's like, God, I'm having tea again. I've never had so much goddamn tea ever. All right, let's talk about you and Fraser. Do you ever drink tea? What kind of tea do you think Fraser. Do you ever drink tea? What kind of tea do you think Fraser likes?

God damn it! I'm changing for a woman and I'm not sure that I like it. Listen, I'll learn the language for a woman, but chamomile, it might be where I drop the draw the line. All right? Captain, that's not chamomile tea. It's actually a giant can of Foster's beer. That's right!

Because Foster's beer is Australian for tea. God, can't stand my fratty yorum. Hate tea. I'm sorry. Go ahead. What are we talking about? Hold on. Hold on one second, Barbie. Hold on. I need to tend to something over there across the pier. Okay.

Oh, Jambonu Duvara, still may be rock. Which as we all know is stop wiping him on that wall, Dylan. So he's like, now listen, you and Fraser seems to be some conflict going on. He came in with a glass bigger than his head and told me you are in that chair, Blanche. Any idea what that meant? I was like, well, I mean, it's like, it's such an honor to me and Fraser. I mean, he knows so much. He's so knowledgeable about sheets and, you know, vacuums and windex.

I mean, you're really fascinating. But we clash like we class. There's no line got a cop time. All right. Well, how are you going to get through that? Well, you know, it's like the time I brought home a Pepsi while I was wearing my Coca Cola shirt. It was a clashing moment, but I figured out you just have to throw out the Pepsi. So there it is. I'm going to throw myself out. No, what? How about a

bit of solution? Okay, well, I'll just shut up. I mean, I've never had a chief stew. I've always been a solo stew. And maybe that's the challenge, the Pepsi challenge if you were, if it's as it were. It's like, listen, we've got enough emotions in this job. Natalie, I talked to Fraser, he respects the work that you do and you can't fix what he does. You can only try to not get thrown down the stairs in a wheelchair. Do you understand what I'm saying? You've seen any gay iconic movies?

Not really, not really sure. All right, don't end up like Joan Crawford in this situation, all right? You want to be the Bette Davis. I'm confused because he looks like Tilda Swinton to me, but you're talking Bette Davis. Well, there can be two gay icons in one person. It's a lab, Bobby. Tilda is pre-Bette Davis. Does that make more sense? Is it like Tilda is playing Betty Davis? Then you go.

Tilda is a seed that grows into Betty Davis one day. Oh, it's basically. All right. Here's what you do. Right. Here. Here's what you do. Right. Here. Here's what you do. You just watch, you watch and you look for the eyeliner and then you'll know, is this a Betty Davis moment or is it a children's swim moment? So, um, she's like, I mean, I just stopped talking cause like, it seemed like that's what he wants. I just don't, but then I like still mad at me. Like, what do I do? And he's's like he loves you. You love him. We done here. Have we said it this picnic table a lot?

Because let me tell you, I may not know a lot of I may know a lot of things, but one thing I really still don't understand is why my craving camp am I already? All right, why why don't I just go get him? Don't worry Captain, I've already rinsed it off. Him not him. So Fraser is sitting with Zandy and he's like, well, Captain doesn't want to get rid of her and I have to respect that. I'm going to say that through gritted teeth, but I get it.

And so Captain walks up behind him and he's like, Oh, I didn't talk with that. So you should go talk to her as well. Now, listen, her delivery is not great, but she does want to be better. All right. Now I explained the tilde seedling to her and I think she's understanding the game version of our planet. So the door might be open for you to go in there and make some change. All right.

Don't be the whale with an iron mark on your forehead. Fraser here's what I want you to do okay I wrapped here brain around the tilde seed now I want you to wrap your brain around this Barbie's delivery is not great think of her like FedEx ground not great delivery but you'll get your package at some point in about three weeks after the deadline. All right. So just remember bad delivery, but still useful. Unless we're talking about Etsy. Cool. You better look at those options. Sometimes it'll say between three days and nine months, man. I read something from Etsy today. And I was like, oh my God, April 19th, that's amazing.

How are they doing that from Hungary? Cause you know, everything on Etsy is like from Hungary. And I was like, how did they do that? And then I get the receipt and I look at it and it's like between three days and three months. Yeah. That makes more sense. That happened to me.

It's like, Oh, your body components from Poland will be arriving by Thursday. Thursday in 2027. Mate. All right. Enjoy. So I should mention that it was in December when I purchased it because it was a big window. It was a big window. So now it's time for the big sit down with Fraser and Barbie. So he's like, well, I'm sorry that yesterday ended the way it did.

Of course I want it to be better. Of course I do, Barbie. Say, oh my God, well, that's great, because like I really admire you. Like the way that you like, I don't know, use a spray bottle. It's like it's like true leadership. They should put you on the back of a penny. Like the way that you walk into the kitchen and just stare at the chef without actually reminding him

what he's doing wrong and letting him fail on his own. Like I admire that so much. He's like, well, after Kat left, we had such harmony, such grace. You were the person that I needed. And if we just put effort into that again, I think we could have so much ahead of us. It's like, well, he sure did a nice pivot there. That's nice.

He did. Well, because Fraser, I think Fraser is like me. We're both like best little boys in the world. And sometimes we get all fussy, and then someone just has to be like, now, now, here are the new instructions you have to follow, which is be nice to Barbie. It's like, yes, I can do that. I can obey.

I just love that he's like, and that is it. And I will not take in subordination and she will not be working here today. I'm using language that makes it very clear what I expect. Okay, we'll do what you say, Barbie. Let's go to lunch. Let's do it. I love you. Never loved anyone more than I've loved you. God damn it.

You're gorgeous. Fraser just needed a new set of rules to obey. Be nice to Barbie. I can do that. So there you go. Okay. So now it's okay. Everything's great now.

So Ben sits with a whiteboard, um, as intense violin music plays and pretends that this is even a choice. Like you're gonna, what are you gonna write? The positives of every single person. Okay, you're a fucking one and everybody knows you're a fucking one. Who are you gonna pick? I was actually shocked that he did this.

I thought surely he's not this stupid. Right. Yeah, they made this seem like it was succession. Like he was like, had his whiteboard out. He's going to pick out who's going to be the lead deckhand. And he's like, I have to make such a decision. Kyle's never set foot on a super yacht. So he's out.

Dylan, he also let's never forget he spilled tobacco on the take. And Dylan is very knowledgeable, but he doesn't know the boat that well. He's also super annoying. And the idea that I have to spend more time with him than I ever want to spend time with him that's a problem too and Sony doesn't have as much experience but I like manipulating her and giving her some power might give me an upper hand later on so let's do Sony yeah so isn't this her first charter is it her second charter? Not charter, time on her yacht or whatever. It's pretty small.

I mean, although she's reminded us many times, I grew up on the water, the water is my happy place. Oh God, so did sea turtles. I don't want them driving my boat. So my only point isn't to even shame her experience. It's just that he's saying, well, Kyle's never done anything, so he's out. But I thought Sunny was brand new too,

because later Dylan says she's one year out from being green. So I didn't know if she's had one year before or if this is her first year. I forgot. She's pretty green. And then Ben is now, you know, he's trying to make us almost feel bad

for this situation he's in where he's like, well, if I give it to Sunny, everyone's gonna think it's because I'm sleeping with's like, well, if I give it to Sonny, everyone's going to think it's because I'm sleeping with her. Oh, and if I give it to Dylan, Sonny is going to be pissed. He goes, Oh, I'm between a rock and a hard place again with me. It's like, you can't keep putting yourself, you can't keep framing yourself as if you are this innocent soul who gets put in these situations that the universe is conspiring against you. You shouldn't have been sleeping with the person below you

because that's what happens, is that now your authority is gonna be questioned and your choices are gonna be questioned, which is why it's always good to keep like a safe amount of, you know, separation from one of them. Well, I mean, they did start, they started sleeping with each other before he became the boss in, but still friction, state? Well, I mean, they did start, they started sleeping with each other before he became the boss in,

but still you should have been like, listen, I'm the boss in now, so we should chill out on this until after whatever, but even if he didn't do that, you can behave more professionally on the boat. Like he's all over her on the boat, getting touchy with her, massaging her, like doing it's just gross. Like it's not only gross,

because it's like, oh, I'm a prude and I hate seeing people touch each other. It's gross that you're in a workplace and that you're treating one of your underlings like a piece of meat in the workplace. It's gross. Whether or not she likes it, it's just bad. It was just bad, disrespectful behavior.

So anyway, he's like, you just told me to be between a rock and a hard place. But another thing, while I'm speed, while I'm speed ranting, another thing, you can't say, oh, well, everyone's gonna think it's just because I'm banging Sunny. So they're gonna think it's because of a personal decision. On the other hand, if I don't give it to her,

she's gonna be mad. Okay, so what is a personal decision? Because you don't want her to be mad. And it's a double personal decision because you don't like Dylan. Like, you're so unprofessional. I hope people see this and you never get hired her to be mad. And it's a double personal decision because you don't like Dylan. Like you're so unprofessional. I hope people see this

and you never get hired to do shit again because one day you're gonna get these boats in a huge amount of trouble. And we said it about Gary and look what happened. It fucking came true. People like this are people like this. There's no changing them. And everyone on this show should know they're in danger.

Yep. So now it's on for- But not to, you know, go live. That was a good rant, Ronnie. That was a really good rant. I liked it. We are in danger. We turn back.

I liked people like this or people like this. That was a great line. That was like a really, like a profound thing to say. No, like, there's nothing else to think about. People like this or like this, there's nothing you can do to change them. When you see somebody like this, rhyme, just rhyme. So now it's time for a preference-shoot meeting. Okay, Carmen Felda is from Washington, DC.

She's a socialite who runs her own PR management company. She caters to e-tholites. And she basically, Carmen and her husband or boyfriend Want to be referred to as King Ray and Queen Carmen and all pigs ass. I'm not calling them King and Queen Oh, that's if they want to do that, then they're gonna have to see themselves on their own adventure and We know these are gonna be monstrous people because

one of the girls names is Tiffany and it's spelled T I P H A N I E. Please stop. I missed that. Somehow I missed that. Please stop it. That is one of the worst bastardizations I have ever seen. T I P H A N I E. It's wrong in like three different ways.

This is... Your name is Tip Haney? No. Did her mom let her name herself and also fill out the birth certificate? Like... That's just bad. Tip Haney.

So Carmen dislikes pork and Tip Haney is not a big fan of seafood or veggies, okay? And then they've got Brandon who says, not allergic to anything, just gay and picky. I'm allergic to Brandon because did you recognize him? Was he on Potomac recently? Because they showed a guy in the Potomac reunion that was dancing at the GNA party and it

looked like him. He may have been, but he was also a guest, I believe it was on Below Deck Down Under, where he was on a charter last season and he and his gal pal were fighting. He's like, you need to just shut up right now. And like Captain Jason had to come out because they wanted to go swimming. They did go swimming, I think. Oh, yes. And then he had to come out in the water. He's like, OK. I got yelled at. He was the one who like also got into a fight. He was the one who got into a fight with that girl.

I went like from zero to 60. Like, I don't know what her name was. He was like, Oh, yeah, whatever, Crystal. He was a mess. He is like someone he is trying to get onto a reality show. And the best you can do is being a not even a primary but like a plus one on charters for below deck. Gross. Well, I'm glad we're really leaning into the gay guys yelling at women on this show. It's only been one week since it happened. Let's do it again. So, Fraser's like, wow, what a loser, which, you know,

agreed. So Ben is, Ben like rubs his shoulder like, see? And he goes, why are you doing that? Because he's gay. What are you just saying? Like, good for me, there's two homosexuals on a boat. And he goes, no, I'm just saying, you know, he's picky like you.

I'm not picky. I just don't want to eat all these vile American things you have on this boat. So then, uh, they want a beach picnic and a movie premiere night with a red carpet. Um, and Sheffy is like, well, I failed us and mommy last charter. So I just feel like I'm failing and failing and failing and constantly failing. And it's hard not to come back when I feel like on the inside, I'm not good enough. So things are still great for him. Yeah, he's still happy.

And then the chef is like, all right, what have you done about the no pork thing? And we see him down there texting Norman. He's like, hello, do you have non-pork bacon alternatives? And Norman's like, unfortunately, we don't. Don't, don't, don't. Frays was like, well, I just Googled it. What about duck bacon? All right, hold on.

I'm going to retract that because I can already see Dylan coming over here with a paper towel. No, we don't have any bacon for you to wipe off. How about just sausage? Like, why does this need to be like, we better find a bacon substitute. Just don't serve bacon, guys. Like, why is it this difficult? Is this, also, is this like a wild idea,

but like, turkey bacon? Is that like, is that like, is that gonna blow everyone's minds? I think Fraser actually does that at some point and they just look at him like disgusting. What a monster. So then it's provision time and, um, Ben goes to talk to the captain and he's like, I'm ready to appoint some responsibility and to me it's about character. So I'm appointing the character that's fucking me, Sonny, my lead deckhand.

And he's like, oh, I think she's great for the job. I mean, she's basically already doing it there. The other day I saw Dylan teaching her how to make knots. Surely she's ready. Yeah. And he's like, well, he's like, but it's gonna cause some friction. Well, you better let him let them let him know straight up. Be kind, but firm. Make sure he doesn't wipe any him on your butt. And if I need to talk to him, I will just give him a moment to process.

If you have to say there's a cherry on top, so be it. So then where? It's like. Dumb, it's just banging up against the window. I had sex. Where's the cherry? I need the cherry. Cherry on top.

So before this goes on too far, I just want to make it clear. The gross thing here isn't really on Sunny's part. She didn't do anything. I mean, look. No, I didn't take it that you were saying that. If I was banging the boss and I got a promotion, I'm not just going to be like,

oh, I'm not going to to be like, oh, I'm not going to take it because I'm banging you. I would take it and be like, I deserve that shit. I don't think she's doing anything wrong. I think he's doing something wrong. And I don't think he's even, I mean, OK, you have to appoint, you don't have to appoint a lead deckhand. You're halfway through the season and you don't have one.

So the fact that you need to do it and you need to do it with someone that you're being demonstrably that all over is gross. That's the gross thing. But it's not her. I would take the fucking job too. Uh, yeah, I think that the producers told him to make a choice because I think it's probably it was a producer thing. I feel like it was a storyline thing like, let's create some drama.

But like, if it were me, if I weren't sure, I would give it another charter to see their experience. Or I would maybe say something to them and say, look, I have to decide a lead deckhand. I'm going to base it. It's really I'm having a tough time here. So I'm going to have to just really be evaluating your performance this charter. And then I don't know, maybe that could like help clear things up. But like this choice, it's just a strange choice. I don't know why maybe that could help clear things up. But this choice, it's just a strange choice. I don't know why, I mean, I know why, but I think it's an unprofessional choice because I don't, Sonny's just not qualified enough yet.

So then we go to Paris who has done swan towel folding. I mean, she's really gone the extra mile on these towels. They are insanely cute. What cute Macy's Day parade float style swans. And she's like on yachts I used to make turkeys. It's a similar bird. People love bestiality in the bedroom. Alright, Paris. It's getting creepy now. Have you ever seen a turkey dick? It's just pretty much the waddle. Listen, I know it's just a triple prong, which is going backwards in the storytelling here. But the prongs themselves are unique because the left prong looks like a hammer, the right prong looks like a pineapple.

So it's a whole fascinating display. Brandon got news from Yacht Services. Brandon has missed his flight. Let's see if we can see him online. It's like a TikTok of Brandon being like, you listen to me, bitch. You better get me on that motherfucking plane. You're going to see another thing come. He's just like a gay losing it at the airport at a at a store. It's the entire time. It's him getting out of his Uber, yelling at his driver. Thanks a fucking lot for making me miss my flight.

And then him at like TSA being like, I don't have any metal on me, sir. You're wearing a metal necklace. And you want me to take this off? And then it like at Starbucks, how fucking long does it take to get a fucking cream latte in this, in this fucking airport? Okay. Now they're getting changed for lineups and, um and Ben gathers the deckies and he's like, oh, I've been handed this golden brush before and now I'm going to continue the tradition

by making the lead deckhand. And you see Dylan and he's like, basically like Ham. I mean, he's sweating like Ham. He's got droplets like Ham all over his face. He's nervous. It's finally happening. It's finally happening. My new thin personality is going to pay off with an opportunity. Finally, I'm going to get the privileged thin people I've always gotten and get a raise.

It's the Sony. And Sony's like, wow, this is just gratifying, you know, like you're, you're actually good at your job. And like, I'm just like really happy, like kudos. And Dylan's like, I'm thinking like, wow, you're joking. This must be like the first of April. You're naughty, naughty, naughty, joking, pranky prank. But then I realized he's being dead ass serious. And I'm like not going to be that asshole who's like, oh no, you didn't make the right decision and blah, blah, blah.

Because, you know, everyone's going to be like, you's like, oh no, you didn't make the right decision and blah, blah, blah, because you know, everyone's going to be like, you know what Dylan, you are a dick. So I'm not going to be a dick. Have I have a dick, but I'm not going to be a dick. What I will do is I will wipe off the calories of my dick. Funny, funny, wacky, wacky. Ding, ding, ding.

So then we go to Summer and she was like, um, you know, Kyle, I just, Sunny, sorry. She's like, I don't want people to think that, you know, she just slept with her boss. That's why she got the job. And he's like, I am the boat. Well, yeah, they're coming right now. So they start the guest walk up and everything. And they have crowns for Carmen and Ray, and Frasier's like, "'They want to be called King and Queen. "'It's a bit of an insult to the monarchy.

"'However, the monarchy isn't paying me, so I'll do it.'" Mm-hmm. And now it's time for the tour, and Dylan is just talking to himself while he changes angrily. He's like, "'Oh, we do our best when we do our best, don't we? Regardless of the situation, Sunny's asking me for advice. Last time she asked me to tithe,

she never really asked you anything. You're just kind of mansplaining everything. In her. Yeah, let's not forget that part. We give a lot of, we give Sunny a lot of shit on this recap, but you're kind of a mansplainer more than a and and he really does lean into also like that the toxic maltrates of saying things like, Oh, how's the lead deck and supposed to

supposed to be asking a lower deck and how to do things? Oh, yeah, I forgot. You just have to have six with the Boston to get there. If I had a vagina, I would not be in this situation and that but is me. It's like, okay, sir Like it's unprofessional for Ben to have to have made this decision But let's not let's not start going down this path. Okay, I think maybe if you had a better personality You wouldn't have been in this situation. Not I was gonna say even if you had a vagina your personality would still be very off-putting Not I was gonna say even if you had a vagina your personality would still be very off-putting Okay, I fully believe the reason why Ben did not make Dylan the lead I can't is because Dylan is so outrageously annoying that Ben just does not want to have to have those one-on-one meetings

Where he tells Dylan like these are your responsibilities for the day He just is like I just I want to minimize my time around this idiot And also because you know that Dylan would immediately start the trying to usurp. You know, immediately he'd be like, well, we do need a better, stronger boss around here. Wacky, wacky, funny, funny, right? Is this the first of April? Yeah, so agreed.

I don't love the decision, but he needs to have some fucking class, because now he's really going to start spinning out of control. So then he's like, oh, one season experience, lead deckhand. And then gets this like evil elf kind of laugh going on. He's a wreck. Okay, so now they're leaving the deck and Carmen wants some more olive juice in her martini.

And then Barbie's like, all right, does anyone want shots, queen? Do you want some shots, queen? I hate my fucking life. And Carmen's like, when the drinks start flowing, we start hoeing. So- Oh my god, you know who said that? Don't you?

Queen Elizabeth. Actually, I believe it was Camilla Parker Bowles, the original insult to the monarchy. Uh, so, uh, so now summer's teaching Ben, uh Ben anchor shackle stuff, and Dylan's watching angry, like wacky, wacky, angry, angry. And then Fraser's with Chef. And Fraser's like, Chef, what are we having for lunch? And Chef is like, I'm thinking Mexican.

That's all I've gotten. I'm thinking maybe we go up there and I'll go Mexican and that will feed them. With the birds. I'm not really sure what I'm going to serve. I can tell you this, it will be in ring mode. Okay. Ring mode. Only things circular in ring mode is what I'm going to serve.

Can I take hard shell taco and break it into little pieces and put in ring mode and that counts as lunch? Every thing he serves is in ring mode. Like 90% of it comes put in a ring mold and that counts as lunch? Every thing he serves is in a ring mold. Like 90% of it comes out in a ring mold. Come on. So Summer, Dylan, Ben. Summer, god damn it. Okay, first of all, let me just apologize

because I know how problematic this is that I keep calling her Summer. I don't know why I'm doing it, but I just keep doing it. Also, Ben and I are taking turns taking notes sometimes. And so if he calls her a summer, it's because of me, because I did notes on this one. And this is littered with the word summer, these notes. Lit tern.

I'm gonna do something proactive. I'm gonna change all the summers in my document to sunny. But you know what? I don't have that on my note. I use an app to take notes called like Notability or something and it does not have a find and replace on it, which is crazy I know, but there you go.

Maybe you just need to find a new app and replace Notability. But I've got years, years and years of this shit. I mean, like I keep all my notes. I like being able to just scroll through and being like, oh my God, here's what we were thinking in 2021, you know? Yeah, that's smart. It's actually probably good to do that.

But I just erase my notes every single time. I'm like, moving on. I know, you erase them line by line. You really don't live in the past, I have to say. I erase them as soon as they're, well, I erase them line by line so I don't get lost. It's that way it's like just less, I just know whatever's at the top of the page

is whatever needs to be discussed. Here's something from May 31st, 2018. This is a recap of Southern Charm. Okay, go say it. Okay, let me just scroll to a random part. Shep, tough night. Austin, I'm sitting on that side. Chelsea, yeah, that's scary as fuck.

Catherine, they see the horn like I knew PDA like a motherfucker. Looking at them looks like unhealthy mental hospital room couple. Oh, they're talking about Ashley. It's on that boat with Thomas and Ashley. Oh wow. Oh my God, that was such gold.

Such gold. So now we've got Sonny, Dylan and Ben and Sonny is like, no, if you were a dog, which would you be? And Ben's like a Labrador and Sonny goes, yeah, that's a good one. I'm a golden. Yeah, you should more. Yeah, I said a lot. And then he like starts rubbing her shoulder right in front of Dylan. Like, or it's like rubbing her the back of her neck. It just really is one of those things where it's like, uh, you know, your choice, like you could have made a, I know you're concerned,

you made a choice based off you felt like you enjoyed Sunny's attitude and you feel like she has a willingness to learn and you and and those are all very legitimate things but you were very concerned that people would think that she only got the job because you two are sleeping with each other so why are you massaging her neck in front of the guy who lost out on the job if you're concerned that this is going to affect morale or cohesiveness as a team, why are you doing something that highlights that you two have a relationship out of working hours? It just is like so unprofessional.

It's ownership and power tripping. It's so fucking gross. It is gross. And I'm glad in a way, I mean, I feel like there's a lot of, in a way there's like a lot of sexism here with Dylan because like have some respect, but on the other hand, it's total sexism with Ben, like you're supposed to just sit

there and watch that all happen and be okay with that. That's not cool. It shouldn't be happening in the workplace. So I don't know, it's gross. So then Ashley is like, um, I need utensils. I'm at it. What am I at a dentist office or dinner? Chef, can I get something out of your tooth? I'm not sure how to eat this. Hey, you have a shrimp in your cocktail. Hilarious. I have no idea where you are. That was Southern term from 2018 you guys. I can't get off of these nets. I can't let it go. I was like, Ashley, what? So now it's lunchtime. So Ben's

talk goes up to Kyle and he's like, well, I think that I think that he's in or I think Dylan's annoyed. So Kyle's like, yeah, he's not happy. You made it. You made Sony lead. You can tell he's not happy. You're in Brigadoon after all. And Ben's like, Ben's like, well, I just need to have space and settle down. Sometimes I have to say, you're in Brigadoon to get into a Scottish accent. You're in Brigadoon. Everyone should be happy to say, you're in Brigadoon to get into a Scottish accent. You're in Brigadoon. Everyone should be happy here. You're in Brigadoon after all.

Oh, and Kyle's like, well, you made the right decision. I follow her lead all the time. And Ben's like, oh, you agree, man. So now it's time for the first meal on board. And Barbie's telling her brother, oh my God, this thing is so hard. This thing is so hard,

this thing is so much work, I cannot wait to be at the Four Seasons after this. Like, nuts. So Fraser is like, he's bringing the taco, fish tacos to the table, but they don't have tomatoes. He's like, this does not have tomatoes. I mean, how big of a wine glass do I need to swirl in front of this chef before he gets his act together?

Missing tomatoes? I think he's going absolutely insane. It might be time to call the doctors in. I hope he does the tomato gas lighting. Chef, there's no tomatoes on there, but I swear I just put them on here. No tomatoes whatsoever! There's like a little pool of like discarded tomatoes behind the counter that Fraser's been pulling off. No, he's just been dropping them and Dylan's been eating them. It's like the cherry tomatoes. So they deliver some fish tacos and Tip Haney is like,

I don't eat fish, I'm good. And the chef's like, I guess we'll get you a chicken salad. She's like, yeah, I guess. So then the chef goes down to start a salad now. And Tiffany is like, thanks for the salad. And Fraser goes, so you don't eat, sees a saladita. No, she doesn't eat vegetables or fish.

So why would you serve her fish and then vegetables? I mean, listen, I don't like her name either, but that's not a reason to just screw the woman. Does her name look like it was written by a three year old? Yes. Does she have the palette of a three year old? Yes. Does she talk like a three year old?

Yes. But you know what though? She is a guest and in this house, she gets to have her hot dogs and french fries. Yes. Just let her let her have her stupid name and her damn non-vegetable life, you know? Yeah. So the captain is like, how many times do I need to say read the preference sheet? Oh, God, chef, she doesn't like seafood. So stay away from that stuff. Got it? It's like I always say,

like I always say, terse sefasini okun. Read the preference sheet. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times. Don't end up like Demir Israeleti Bolina, the whale with an iron mark. Anthony, if you keep fucking up, I'm gonna have to make a change. So now they're gonna pick up Brandon, the late gay, and so they're gonna send a boat for him. And Brandon's like, Oh, my God, I get this, but also myself. What a bitch.

Is there a grinder on this boat? Oh, it's just like, he seems insufferable. Seems fucking terrible, this guy. I wouldn't want to go to your bar either. Oh, sorry, spoiler alert. So then Frazer, yeah, Frazer is like, I don't want, gross. So then Brandon comes on the boat. He's like, sup, what's going on everybody, sup?

Frazer is like, well, Bobby's turned to leaf. She's ready to be better, she said. So I'm going to put her in housekeeping. Hmm. We'll see how she deals with that. Plus I need to see what Paris is like with the guests. I should be able to count on my students to do anything. So cut to Paris, trying to fluff a guest. Looks no one's fluffed this pillow in the

longest time. That's a guest's Paris. It's a guest. Well, it's either Paris fluffed guests or Barbara uses the evil queen against me as a weapon. Sure. Which I'd prefer. So on deck, um, the crew is passing by the primary window and they're bone in and then

it's like, oh my God, look at this window when you come down, they're fucking poking. Do you think it's too early to ask if they're on Instagram? So they're just like talking about how they're having sex and everything. And then everyone, the guests go back upstairs and Carmen's like, Brandon's here, woo!

And Brandon's just like, walking, he's swishing through the boat, be like, this is stupid, stupid. So funny, they show Ray going, that guy is out of control and it just cuts him going, this is stupid! This is worse than that bitch at Uber, who checked the wrong exit to get to my house, stupid bitch. So, Barbie is talking to Dylan, get to my house, stupid bitch.

So Barbie is talking to Dylan and saying, hey, Dylan, just wanted to say I'm proud of you today. Oh my god, only three fingernails. I wasn't talking calorically. I just meant, you know, lead deckhand and everything. And he goes, oh, well, I'm just waiting for the right time to talk about it, because listen, I've got two years commercial and four years.

She goes, but you're being a man about it. She's like trying to be like, you're so mature. And it's like, oh, I can't wait to rip him a new one after this. I mean, summer's my girl. And like, I'm, but I'm like definitely team Dylan here. Like I think like he's getting the job, like like her getting the job is a lot to do

with her relationship with Ben. It just like, doesn't really make sense, but like I'm in a weirder position because like I'm the second Stu and Zandy is actually the second Stu. So I'm like more on Dylan's side, except I think the difference is that I'm not constantly washing him every 30 minutes. So I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I just wanted to point that out. Just keep it cool, man. He's like, I'm 100. I am 100 funny, wacky wacka April the first. April the first. So, um, so chef is cooking and the people are

like talking, one of the guys is like talking about going to Virginia. And I love this woman. She goes, Oh, we went to McDonald's. And it was a good McDonald's, you know, when the french fries are like hot. I was like, yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. We are going to be best friends lady. So then their food is delivered in, you know, ring molds as tuna ceviche and tip Haney gets some mac and cheese, which I love the chef's subtlety. He's like, Oh, you don't want the fish here.

Here's children's food. But of course everyone wants it. Amazing. What did Tepaini do? Can we get, can we order up the kids menu too? And, um, uh, so they don't really, they actually don't really like the ceviche or the tartar that that Anthony has served. They all want the mac and cheese. And Fraser of course, like, these people like Burger King and McDonald's,

of course they're not going to like and cheese. And Fraser, of course, is like, these people like Burger King and McDonald's. Of course, they're not gonna like ceviche. Now Fraser, now you've crossed the line, okay? Because some of us enjoy ceviche and also enjoy a Big Mac, and you are listening to one of those people. Yeah, and also, how is the chef supposed to guess that? You know what I mean? And Ray is the king, Ray. Everyone else, other people are like,

it's okay, and Ray's like, what is this? And they're like, oh, you've had it before. And so he tastes it and he goes, ew, bleh. Classy, Ray, classy. Especially with your plastic crown on. I know after you've just been like boinking with the window open in front of the staff. Super classy, right?

So then the Fraser's like, Oh, God, I think the chef is just paddling, paddling to say a float. And listen, he's great, isn't he? His food is brilliant. But I just don't know if he can pull it out at this stage. It's like watching this guest having sex earlier today. I just think it may be too late to pull out. There's no pulling out there. It's just slop and mess at every

time. I normally would stand up for the chef at this point. But I think I'm ready to just cry. You know, it's like seeing an Echinida or walking up to a glove with five holes on it. It's like at that point, it's like, okay, Paris, enough. We don't need the full illustration. So Zandi is cleaning with Barbie and she, Barbie's, Zandi's like, little hairs.

You always wonder where they came from. And Barbie's like, this is why I do service. No, I'm sorry, I was just brainstorming names of my autobiography. Little hairs, you never always wonder where they come from the sandy story. So then let's see Paris and Dylan are at the bar. So Dylan's like, Oh, hello, new girl. So listen, I'm pissed. Been made such sunny sunny Lee Deckhand and she's one season from Green and I have worked two years commercial and four years yachting and I'm no longer fat

So it feels like a slap in my thin face. Can my cheekbones take the disrespect? I don't think so. I don't want to bore you with any of that. What is this the first of April? Wacky wacky funny funny I don't want to bore you with any of that. What is this? The first of April, wacky, wacky, funny, funny. It feels like a slap in the face with ham that hasn't been washed. Sugary calorie film all over cheeks. First of April, not wacky.

Paris gives the best response I've ever heard on this show. She goes, go hug the banana downstairs. Is that Australian for masturbate? No, it's Australian for Go Hog the Banana that's downstairs. Everyone in Australia has a banana that's downstairs. That shit was so funny. So Carl is, okay, so now the guests are at dinner. Okay, so one of the guys is like, wow, it's nice to spend time with everybody. And Brandon goes, yeah.

And Ray, it's nice to get to know you because to be honest, and he goes, what do you mean to be honest? We just met. And he goes, no, no. I'm talking about the drag show. You walked out there because it was a gay thing. You know, Brandon is what I like to call a crosswalk gay,

which is that when you're driving through West Hollywood and you have to stop at a crosswalk and like if you're just like big Lee Crow's the crosswalk. Brandon is the one who walks on the crosswalk in front of your car. And it's like back the fuck up. Or like is like doing like a performance in the crosswalk as he walks or he's like, hey, girl, like whatever it is, whatever something when he gets there, crosswalk, he is performing. That is his stage. Funny. I can see that.

You better back up. This is a crosswalk. Pat death. You car me pedestrian. Move on. You literally almost killed me. You literally I almost literally died because of you and your privilege. Okay, okay, sir. So the guy's like, no, I did not walk out because it's a gay thing.

It's just more that it was a surprise thing. And look, whenever I'm surprised, I'm a little shaky. He goes, oh really? Well, all I'm saying is that it hurt me. It hurt me when you left that drag show. And this guy's like, well, I, listen, it was an atmosphere I wasn't familiar with and it was a surprise.

And of course I'm going to have my defenses up. I thought I was going to the good McDonald's and it was a drag show. I thought I was getting crispy fries and I got drag. I mean, you know, it's one thing when you think you see early bird but when early bird starts lip-syncing Donna Summers it's just a little disorienting. Okay, so at first I was like, all right, so the guy walks out of a gay bar being like, I'm not staying here for this. Of course that's gross and

I don't blame the gay friend for being like, I wasn't sure about you when you left the gay bar, like grossed out, what the fuck dude? Like I don't necessarily blame him for this, starting off with a conversation. But then I just had to get that out of the way because that's the last positive thing I can say in Brandon's defense.

Because then Brandon goes, I wouldn't do that to black people. I mean, if it was all black people, I would not walk out there. That is crazy. Like you guys are black. But like if I like, I'm not like, you're black. I'm like, so what? They're black. I was like, oh, Mike, please say he's not doing this right now. And then he continues and gets louder and louder and worse and worse. Girl. He keeps on saying like, like you don't have to warn me before I go into a black event.

And so. No, no. That's not the same thing. First of all, I don't like that, you know, he had to be warned before a gay thing, but a gay thing is much different because that's, some people just are never exposed to that. They don't understand what it is.

I mean, I've had friends who I've taken to gay bars that are like, what the fuck? I just assumed they're one of my best friends from childhood and so it would be totally natural to take them into the fault line. And we walk in there, it smells like bleach and there's like guys swinging their dicks at your face. Like, they're like, what are you?

But you can't just expect, it's different. It's not the same thing as being like, well, you're race. I don't get mad at you about your race. That is crazy to do that. So I don't know the context of whatever happened with this guy, because like it does sound to me vaguely like homophobic, but I also don, but it also could be that he was like, oh, I thought we were having a chill night,

and it turns out we're going to a drag show. And I was like, didn't want to go to a drag show. I don't know what it is. I'm not going to make excuses for him. I'm not going to try to understand it. But what I do know is that Brandon sang like, I don't have to be warm before going to a black event. It's like, can you at least leave space for the possibility

that not everyone is like you, Brandon, and that some people don't like being surprised. They like to know exactly where they're going to. And just because someone doesn't think like you and doesn't approach a situation like you does not mean that they're necessarily wrong. Now the greater context of what happened at the gay bar, I don't know. And quite frankly, I really don't care. But what I do think is that Brandon is he's going to try to make a drama out of anything he can make a drama out of because he's a crosswalk gay and he wants to be on reality TV.

Oh my gosh. I was like, wow, this guy really does not give a fuck because he just keeps saying it over and over. So the friends are like, well, I think Ray's point is, you know, let me know what I'm walking into. And Fraser is like you, he goes, Brendan is upset because I don't care. I really don't care. I'm still trying to get through the way to Tapani spells her name. So I've got bigger way to Tapani spells her name. So I've got bigger fish to fry literally for her. There's someone you should worry about.

All right. By the way, let me adjust that for her preference sheet. I've got bigger burgers to fry for her. She doesn't eat fish. So they're like, oh my God, Barbie's like, I love your gas drama, but this is like dark. I don't like this. And Paris is like, it's comedy gold. This is amazing. And, you know, they're basically these guests are going at each other about what Brandon's going at it. And Brandon's like, I mean, you should let somebody know what room you're going into.

That is crazy. And the lady is like yeah you should and goes no i don't need to be told that about black people um well yeah but also you're you also are not a black person yourself and you don't know what experiences this man has had going into any room where he didn't know who was it was in there where he didn't know who was it was in there. So I just this guy Brandon trying to trying to like act like a citizen of the world in this moment. It's really not working for me. So I mean, as much as I can be a citizen of the world, which who knows, but late this then they're just like trying to talk

him down everything. And he's like, he's like, I just I didn't like, I didn't know her like that. I didn't know if I would feel safe. And like, that's the world we live in. We gotta feel safe. I guess that's why you go see. Oh no, I'm sorry. That's my bad again.

It's Carl who said that, or Ray who said that. Ray's like, well, listen, I was still new to Carmen. I didn't know her. And I walked into this thing and I don't know. We need to feel safe in this world, you know? And from gay people, it's what he means. So I'm not really standing up for him either. I'm just like, Brandon,

why are you taking it to this place? So gross. So now the next dish comes out and it's shrimp something and it's also in a circle mold. And chef, I'm really trying to stand up for you here. You're killing me with the circle molds. Like literally everything is something slimy in a circle mold. And Chef, I'm really trying to stand up for you here, but you're killing me with the circle molds. Like, literally everything is something slimy in a circle mold.

It's shrimp mofongo. So then, meanwhile, Zandi and Fraser are talking at the hot tub, and Zandi's saying that Barbie has completely changed, and she's become, like, really good now. And Fraser's like, oh, I'm really proud of her then. And if she wants to change, then that's what I want from her. Like, thank you for coaching her. Good work, sweetheart.

I'll just going to just stare at myself in the mirror and sit in the fact that I was so terribly wrong. Hold on one second. You're so stupid. You're an imbecile. You're an idiot. Why did you do this? You don't even deserve to be on a yacht,

let alone a canoe, you stupid fucking disgrace to your family. I feel much better now. Thank you. So now Paris proves that she's born for reality TV, which we already knew, but she walks right up to Ben and she's like, so Dylan's upset. He thinks you chose Sonny cause you're banging and he feels more qualified and he's been yachting longer. His panties are a hundred percent wrapped around his ball sack down there.

longer, his panties are 100% wrapped around his ball sack down there. Now, listen, if he was an echidna, he'd need about five pair of budgies, but he's pissed, is what I'm saying. And so Ben's like, how dare he? It's not cool to have that attitude on deck, and him going around to the other crew members is obviously not on. And then they show clips of Ben five charters ago, Ben bitching about Jared to literally everybody who will listen Hypocrite I'm glad it literally are calling him out yeah, and also let's not forget when he enabled Barbie to like launch a like a When Barbie was upset at Fraser many charters ago, and he was like well the way, Bobby's not happy with you Fraser. So then Brandon and Michelle are Brandon and Michelle are still there.

Basically the girls follow Brandon because Brandon walks off. He's like, I'm not going to have this. I don't do this to black people. So he walks off and then the girls follow him and to pain me Haney is like, oh my God, I was just about to eat a Hawaiian roll in a circle mold. What are you doing? And he's like, why did that whole table stick up for that?

What is going on? And she's like, they didn't because they did. And so back at the table, they're like, well, I appreciate the way you had that conversation because that was not easy. And one of the guys is like, well, I appreciate the way you had that conversation because that was not easy. And one of the guys is like, 100%, I'm backing you. And so back to Tiphany, she's like, I mean, hearing different perspectives is good

because then we hear different perspectives, you know? It's like, okay, it's like if a fish was trying to talk to a vegetable, you can't just say no to both. Actually you can. Nevermind, I forgot what we were talking about. I hate salad. It's like the time I almost got run over by a Ford Taurus at Robertson in Santa Monica.

I said, it is not a different perspective, Pippity. So then Dylan is saying goodnight because he's going down and Ben's like, well, I'm going to need to talk to you tomorrow because there's a few things that have come through. You've been chatting to other people about the scenario that happened this morning with me making Sonny Lee dickhand, but we'll talk in the morning. No, you can talk to me now, dad. Yeah, do it now. You're going to send me down to Stu about it?

Oh, if I talk sick, you're offended by You're gonna send me down to Stu about it? Oh, for fuck's sake, you're offended by the fact that I am offended by your shit decision? Dude, fuck off, this is not the first of April, wacky wacky. So then the ladies are like, Brandon, you know, I think we can, you know, just get over this, and everybody's different,

and Brandon's doing that bouncing thing, and he's clapping, and he's like, you should not have to let someone know what kind of situation you are in. Like he's bouncing up and down like the rage, you know, and then they don't have to warn me at a black event. I'm like, I've just, please just end this episode because I'm about to lose my fucking mind with this guy. So Carmen's like, listen, the only way we can change is if we can inform and listen and educate. And I love you bitches more than anything else in the world. We love you. And that's my point. So they're like, oh my God, we just want to go back to our

food served in a ring. So then we go to the chef can't find tongs and phrases like can't find tongs literal insane asylum literal straight jacket. He's lost his marbles. He's trying to chef is trying to like serve dessert is trying to like put some ice cream on this molten chocolate cakes and everyone's excited for the molten chocolate cakes. They've all had they were all word testy but they've all you know Brandon, Brandon and the girls, they went back to the table and Brandon had already told the guy like, I don't know if he has a match. So like now they just want to like have their nice chocolate molten cakes and this guy cannot find his ice cream scoop and Fraser is just like watching and, and this guy's like going through all his like

messy drawers and pots and pans and everything. And it's just like a total disaster. And at one point, Fraser's like, something needs to change. Oh, we're not going to make it. And then he just like picking up a yellow pepper and like smiling. Like not only is that not an ice cream scooper, it is not something that needs to be held while dealing with chocolate bomb cake. That is not something that needs to be held while dealing with chocolate mung cake. That is not something that needs to come into play right now. And then we cut to next week on Below Deck, Paris saying, I'm sorry, but we've only got normal bacon.

Dun dun dun. Oh my god, this is ending with you fucking up the bacon? Come on. Come on. Like, why is there bacon on board? Oh my gosh, unbelievable. All right, everybody. Well, thanks so much for being here for Below Deck. Wow, what an episode.

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