Watch What Crappens - #2396 The Valley, Part One: The One Where Brittany Poops on a Sting Ray

Episode Date: April 18, 2024

This is part 1 of a two-parter recapThis episode of The Valley (S01E05) has everything: two crumbling marriages, broken air conditioning, and some deeply traumatized stingrays. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today as usual is someone who's been known to saunter over to the Chateau Marmont and fuck a director, it's Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? I'm definitely a Spielberg in the afternoon kind of a boy, man. Soderbergh on the streets, Spielberg in the sheets.

Norah Efron in my dreams. Talk about my past. Nancy Myers on the streets and John Singleton in the sheets. I don't know. I love the Nancy, Nancy Myers, John Singleton spectrum there. Yeah. Those are pretty hot one actually. Nice to begin the valley with the boner. Um, cause the rest of this episode is going to deflate it. I'll tell you that much. I'm actually sitting over here eating these chocolates that peacock sent us. I know. Wow. Can I just say Bravo up your fucking game? You've never done anything like this I mean peacock I will marry you is that what you're asking me for cuz I fucking will You guys you get you don't even realize peacock sends out the best boxes. They usually send out like one a year maybe two

last year There was a full-on charcuterie board with a charcuterie and all this. I mean it was like the most Fabulous display. I mean admittedly the charcuterie and all this. I mean, it was like the most fabulous display. I mean, admittedly, the charcuterie board had based on a true story embedded into it, like carved into it, which was a show they had with Kelly Cuoco. But like I will have some Kelly Cuoco on my charcuterie board if it's gonna be that nice. Why not? I'll have some Kelly Cuoco cheese. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, this one was this big huge one.

It's called, I don't know, it says Peacock is unlocking the Bravo vault. And then first of all, I couldn't open it because I unscrewed my ball. I actually broke my box because I did it wrong. Did you break your box intern over there fired by the way, because we're complaining about this box. But let me just show you because we're on crap and on demand. This is on video. So this is the thing. It's huge, because we're complaining about this box. But let me just show you, because we're on Crappin's On Demand, so this is on video. So this is the thing, it's huge, right?

So this is the thing. It's a big vault door, and it says Peacock is unlocking the Bravo vault. Well, you can't get it out, because look at all this foam holding it in the box. So I'm trying to figure out, is it a combination? Is it a twist? I'm like, it's screwed in there.

I was twisting it. It's bolted in there. Well, I was twisting it. Me too. So I was like, oh, you have to untwist it. And then I untw, it's screwed in there. I was twisting it. It's bolted in there. Well, I was twisting it. Me too. So I was like, oh, you have to untwist it. And then I untwisted it long enough that the bolts, I twisted the knob off and then the housing fell down.

And then I was like, wait, this still didn't open. And then I couldn't open it. I was like... Yeah, I see. Because it's bolted. And then when you turn the bolt, it clicks. There's like a click. And I was like, oh, it's a combination.

I thought it was like an escape room. And I really normally wouldn't care because it's a PR box. So if I can't open something, I just move on. You know what I mean? Like if there's a business with a door that's locked and it says use other door and I'm too tired to walk to the other door, I'll just go to another restaurant. So I'm that kind of person. But I heard a click and I was like, it's an escape room. And I saw on the packaging that there was some perishable. So I knew it was food. So of course my ass has been starving for months at a time. I'm starving.

And so I was like, there's food in there. So I'm like trying to open it. I'm trying to do the combination. I'm looking for clues on the box. It took me 20 minutes until I finally just got so upset that I pulled at it and it came off. Okay, so anyway. Well, by the way, I saw other people's stories who had it like, um, Bravo doc,

like sassy about it. Yeah. I mean, I made a story. So sassy, sassy got it. Um, two judgy girls got it and both of them, they just are like, guys, check out, check out this box and they just take the vault and they just open it up like normal humans. What's wrong with us? I literally, if you go look at my story, it's me twisting it off and breaking it and the vault and they just open it up like normal humans. Radiance, what's wrong with us? If you go look at my story, it's me twisting it off and breaking it, and then I couldn't get into it, and then I had to like stop my story and be like, sorry guys, I'm going to come back to this. But then when you open it up, it's like all these different boxes.

Look at this. It looks like a very fancy tea box. Okay, but the reason I'm showing you this- I love how yours are like falling out and- Well, I'm showing you, this is what binge eating disorder looks like. Look, look everybody. I just opened this 10 minutes ago and it's all different kinds of chocolates and it's in these boxes that say the names of the shows that they're releasing on Peacock Blood, Sweat and Heels, Million Dollar Decorators. I have not had chocolate in so long. I saw this, I became like a zombie seeing fresh human. I was

like, wahhh! Fresh human. I went through one, two, three, four, five of the damn boxes. I've eaten thicker than water, terrible show, great chocolate. I've eaten Top Chef Just Desserts. I ate- Pause right there. Pause right there about this Top Chef, just desserts. I pause right there. Pause right there about this Top Chef, just dessert little box. Okay. So when I got the box, I picked it up from the UPS store and it said perishable. And I was like, there is food, there's food in here, but what if I don't like the food? So on the way home, I dropped by Starbucks and got myself a cookie just in case I needed a cookie. Because I'm like, I'm gearing myself up for a snack, in case I needed a cookie.

Cause I'm like, I'm gearing myself up for a snack. Like a tasty snack. From yoga? This was just on my yoga was on Monday. Yesterday was like slob day. So, so I was like, if there's a snack in here and I'm excited about it and then I don't like it, I want to have a, now I want to make sure I have a, I don't want disappointment. You know, I hear you. So I got myself a cookie. So then I come

home, I managed to break into those vaults. So I see all these little boxes and I'm like, what's in the box? So I pick up the top chef just desserts box and I open it up and I see two beautiful little chocolates. They're from compartes or comparts or whatever. Compartes! Famous chocolatier. So I was like, oh, this is good. I can see why.

This is a good one. This shit's good. So I see two little chocolates. One says Peacock, one says Bravo. I'm like, this is delightful. Now, if you're like me, which not many people are, like I hate so many berries that going into, like every box of chocolate is actually a

high stress thing for me. This is not a far scum for me. This is like you never know which chocolate is going to betray you. Like I can't dive into them. But I was like, you know what, Ben, being adults, you ate a strawberry last week. I did do that. I ate a strawberry last week. You can do this.

It's okay. And so I sniffed the top chef just dessert chocolate. I was like, it's just it smells like chocolate. I go I put one in my mouth. Raspberry. I missed the fact that there were labels on the back of all these boxes. And now I have this raspberry flavor in my mouth and it does not go away for 90 minutes and I was dying not even the cookie could send it. I was so glad I got that cookie, because then I was afraid to eat any other chocolates after that.

Well, I know that you don't like it, and I'm sorry, because I saw that raspberry and I was like, I'm gonna eat this first. Because I know that if I was with you, you'd be like, burn it, burn it to that. But like, it was so cruel that it was on the Top Chef just dessert, like it was on the dessert. Well, you know something's gonna be crazy there.

Everybody on that show is fucking nuts. You had to know that wasn't gonna be the best one, just because it says dessert. Like it was on the dessert. Well, you know, something's crazy. Everybody on that show is fucking nuts. You had to know that wasn't going to be the best one just because it says dessert. Remember that those people were crazy. One of them went to jail for like pedophilia. I know. Wait, did you, and the other one broke down on the, on the show and famously goes, red hots for my mommy. Um, I have a question. Did you have the New York City prep chocolates yet? I have a question. Did you have the New York City prep chocolates yet? No, because I talked about them today. I think Maul's tweeted something about that show. I was like, just so you know,

one of them is on drugs now and panhandling in the subway and one works for our mom. And I was like, that's depressing. I'm not eating that chocolate. That's the sad chocolate. It's chocolate apple and I just don't know how that's gonna work. Oh, chocolate apple's delicious. I mean, how that's gonna work. Oh chocolate apples delicious.

I mean look so far I've eaten about 10 of these boxes within five minutes and they are all good. The raspberry one was fantastic. This comparte is great. It actually was good considering it was raspberry. It was delicious. And so anyway, Brava Peacock, thank you for these chocolates. This is the longest ad we've ever done.

So smart marketing. They did it. And I'm sorry for everybody who had to sit through just this long chocolate ad, but comparte chocolates. You guys are great. Go watch these shows on Peacock. They did just release a million of their old classic shows. I Dream of NeNe is on there, thicker than water. Blood, sweat and heels. Some good shows are there to go back and watch. So go do that. And thank you for the chocolate. Please feel free to send chocolate. Please feel free.

Real quickly is another pound. I hate my life. The rest of the intro, I'm gonna eat this chocolate. Okay, this is real quick, real quick. We have Netflix is a joke coming up in like two weeks in LA. So come join us for that. That's gonna be the Cookeboro Lounge, which is gonna be a great time. We are having shows in London, Dublin and Birmingham in England. Ronnie's about to have another chocolate. This is why you should watch Crap is on Demand, which you can get on Patreon. Which one is that, Ronnie? Shards of Sunset Rose Water Chocolate.

Rose. Rose is dangerous. It has to be used carefully, but it's good. I like that. It's a Persian-themed chocolate. Rose is a common green. It's so distinct. On the machine, Rose. On the machine. On the machine, Rose. So anyway, patreon.com slash watch or crap and tickets at watch or crapens.com. Okay. So let's talk about the Valley, which continues to really be great TV, great depressing TV. These I of course feel now I feel like a jerk because in the first episode I said that Nia was a monster and I was like, I'm sure the entire audience was thinking of that last night too, because I know that I was. I was like, wow, Ben really fucked up. And I was like, I just felt like, I feel like I see it.

I see that she's a monster. This may or may not come true, but like, of course, before, if it does come true for right now, she's not a monster. She's actually been very lovely and she's struggling with postpartum. So who is the real monster? It's me. Listen, you weren't a monster for saying it. You're guessing. You would have said it if you would have been a monster if you said it while she's crying with postpartum. Like,

fuck that lady. But you don't say it that way. You said it way at the beginning. So it doesn't count against you. And guess what else? Monsters cry. Okay. So. Okay, so. By the way, I still am concerned that her husband's, her husband's eyes are pools of darkness. That like really freaks me out. But husband does this with his face too. He opens his lips and just shows his teeth like it's kind of like a cartoon smile was it's not really smiles just like 302 30 like 302, 302 guys, 302.

I noticed that last time I couldn't stop doing it all night. I was moving my mouth like that. 302 guys. His eyes are like, they're just like tuna eyes, you know, like just like these, these, I say this because I was just watching my Apple screensaver. I have the fish one on too. I don't know. Yeah, you know what, but they have like that school of tuna is just like, what? Huh? What?

Huh? What? Huh? And I was looking at their eyes. I was like, that's kind of like what Danny's eyes are. They're just sort of like a monochromatic thing. And I just feel like it's scary. Also like he really dropped down a lot this episode for me.

It's like, have you ever heard of a hotel? You're an actor, okay? The air conditioner went out, you've got kids, get a hotel room, okay? Don't drag your wife back from Malibu. And I'm not just a voiceover artist, I'm just saying that he's not like Julia Roberts right now. He's making- He was on the OC.

He's doing extra voiceover work on The Walking Dead, okay? He's not able to do, we just saw that Tom Schwartz on the other show is paying $4,500 a month to live in that dump. So, I don't know how much he's making that he can just go to a hotel. Now, that said, he dropped down in my book because his wife is sitting there crying and he's like, yeah, I still bang you six times a week. Give her a break. She just popped three pop tarts out. Like, she just popped out three Danny branded pop tarts. Could you give the woman a break? Her boob is leaking while you're talking about that.

Literally, her boob is crying. Can she clock out for five minutes? It's not lactating. It's crying. And her boob is weeping. Her boob was crying. It was like, she's like, enough. But also, like, do you not have any friends?

Like, think about it more deeply. You don't have a single friend that you can go to whose place is air conditioned. And also, the air conditioning broke in your place, so you said that's why you can't go to a pool party. Isn't that exactly where you wanna go, is a swimming pool? I don't know, something is... Well, it's also millions of kids. He's got three babies.

I don't think that anybody wanted him to show up at that pool party. I mean, like, bringing one is fine, that can go run around and play with Cruzee, but I don't know that you want three crying babies. But I don't know, that's the thing. That's why you don't have three at a time like that, you fucking monsters. So they are monsters for that. I mean, that's just ridiculous. You know what I mean? They're like my chocolate addiction. At least my chocolate addiction, I can keep at home and it's not screaming at everybody in the store, okay?

Your binging is on like DNA, stop it. Okay, so on the Vanderpump Rules, we saw Lala have this desperate kind of storyline sperm party where she's like, oh my God, I'm actually talking about sperms. And then you come out over to this show and Jax is just always having a sperm party. I mean, that guy's giving it away at the fucking AMP

and pretending to get coffee every day. It's a more natural show these days, this one, The Val. Yeah, well, because they're all in miserable relationships that are all going in one direction and it's not a good way, not a good direction. It's the same direction one direction went. It's not a good one. So you that much.

There's no Harry Styles in this group though. So we're at Jackson and Brittany's house. And Brittany- I guess it did go well for some of them. I have to take that. It actually went pretty well for, I would say, like two or three, I would say like three of them. I think Zane, it was going well for Zane for a moment. two or three. I'd say like three of them. I think Zayn,

it was going well for Zayn for a moment. Now it's going badly for Zayn. Oh, Zayn, because he got into it with Yolanda Foster. That was the end of Zayn. Yeah, it was. Wasn't he like an abuser or something like that? Well, I don't remember what happened. It was something not good. That's for sure. It was something very bad. I remember that he got into it with Yolanda and she said, like, he grabbed her arm or something, like, he came into the house and he was sick of Yolanda Foster always being in there bossing him around, which you know is true. But I mean, you married a Yolanda child. You think Yolanda just showed up there? He knew what he was getting into and it was

Yolanda's business is what. And then I think he got abusive or crazy or something. And she called the police on his stupid ass. What a little shit head that guy. Like when you make me stick up for Yolanda Foster, that's a shame, you know? Shame on you. Talk about someone who's not on the dream team. You're not on the dream team.

Yeah. You're not on the dream team. My king. You're not my king. The point is this, One Direction doing pretty well, people in the Valley not doing as well as one direction. Not doing well.

People on the Valley are doing more, they're doing more, they're more like the wanted, which was the fake one direction that was out for a second. Well, we have a couple of things. First of all, this recap's never gonna start. I don't know if anybody out there is wondering, like, I wonder if they're ever gonna start talking about the show.

No, we're not. So that's the day you're in for. A couple of things about this. One, we have a friend, an old queen in a bar that we talk to every once in a while that always has good bravo gossip. And before this show started, this queen was like, I know this cast, I know them. I hang out with them.

And Janet sucks. She's the most boring person ever. She's going to be terrible TV. And what else did she say? I forget what else she said or he said, but guess what? That queen in a bar was wrong. And that queen in a bar is not wrong often. Janet is TV gold. And so is literally everyone here. They all showed up like they've been doing this for 20 years. I mean, all these people going through all this in their fifth episode, episode five,

and they're all getting divorced already, wow. Well, you know what? It's like later in the episode, Nia is explaining how she has high functioning depression and what this whole cast has is high functioning idiocy. And so that really works well for being on Bravo, I think. It does, you can be an idiot and still get things done. Like you can still clock in, you know?

Yeah. Okay, not to make it up to. I wish I had high functioning depression. My depression is so run of the mill. I'm like so embarrassed. I'm so basic with my depression. Might be a more interesting depression. I have low functioning, like average, like averageness. I have low functioning.

I'm like not depressed. But yeah, my resting state is low functioning for sure. I'm a high functioning, low function person. I function lowly at a very high level. Okay. I'll tell you what, it's also high functioning. Mean because I'm a fucking crack right now. I'm cracked out. I just had 30 boxes of chocolate. I forgot what this shit does to you.

This is like doing drugs again. This is amazing. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. My God, how did I ever quit this? Well, I've never been able to quit chocolate. So as evidenced by the fact that, by the way, while I was watching the battle, okay, confession time last night, the reason why I'm cracked out today is because I stayed up until three in the morning and the reason why i stayed up to three in the morning

is because i got into my head last night that i wanted to make some mocha ice cream and so um i started making mocha ice cream at 1 a.m because i was like it'll take you know 15 minutes to make the base and then you put in the machine and it's like it'll be done it it'll be done at two and that's when i'll be done watching the Valley. Fast forward to the fact that it was not done until three, and I was, yeah, so I was turning ice cream while watching the Valley, which is my own fault, and that's my confession of being a chocoholic,

is that I was kept up until three by my desire to have a chocolate leaf frozen treat on top of the chocolate chip cookie I had. You had quite a day. As a backup for the chocolates that I received. God, we're just basically in the Weight Watchers right now, passing our whole lives. It was delicious ice cream, by the way, is from the Van Lewen cookbook. Pick it up, guys. Okay. So did they you a vault. I wish. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap ens commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably

never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G-I Jane 2, can't wait to see it. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small, and then it gets so big. Be honest, Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her.

We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now! From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis and Tell. La la la.

Where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. 50 high school senior girls descend on Mobile, Alabama every summer to compete for a massive cash prize. It isn't Survivor. It's one of America's most lucrative scholarship competitions for teen girls.

It's been around for seven decades. Now you'll hear what took place behind the scenes. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondery, this is the competition. I'm your host, Shima Oliyai, and I was Nevada's contestant 20 years ago. Now I'm returning as a judge to find out what two weeks with 50 of the country's most ambitious teens can tell us about girlhood in America.

What happens when the competitors are thrown into the deep end with the best and brightest? And how does surviving the competition prepare them for everything that comes after? Follow the competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. Okay, so we opened at Jax and Brittany's house and Brittany's going to overnight with the girls, the Malibu. Look at her phone lock, fun times like and such.

So, Jax is like, so what time are you leaving here? Can it be any sooner? And she's like, well, Janet will probably be here soon. And he's like, so you're gonna drive Janet's car? No, Janet's gonna drive my car, because you know, I hate driving. I'm not about to drive all the way to Malibu. Hey, you know, it'd be fun. If we had a Chevy Malibu, and I'm like, I'm not about to drive all the way to Malibu. Hey, you know, it'd be fun if we had a Chevy Malibu.

And I'm like, I'm taking the Malibu to Malibu. Do they even call it a Chevy Malibu in Malibu? Do they just call it the Chevy here? JX. So he's like, where are you going in Malibu? She's like, this would be house on the water. Cause the current Miss USA had it and she's got to leave early so we're going to go water in the river. Brittany is doing that thing.

She started doing it in her last couple of seasons of Vanderpump Rules where someone was, I don't know, she took a commercial class and someone was like, know your type. And she's like, I'm a girl from Kentucky. And so she just came back and quadrupled her accent every episode. When she first started the show, she's like, hi, Lisa, I'm Brittany. I would love to work here. And now she's like, hello, Lisa. I mean, are you believe?

It's like she's talking in Hick Morse code. It's like she's adding multiple syllables to her words now. She is doing our impersonation of her at this point. And like, she's also inserting so many little giggles. It's like anything she's like, I'm gonna get some M&Ms right now. And you're like, you're really leading into this. I feel the same way. I'm like, it was never this wild, was it?

Well, I think the giggles and this is going to suck because I know this instinctively and I'm still making fun of it, which is terrible. But I think the giggles are just like a self-conscious thing because she's so miserable. It's like that laughing until you're crying thing. And people who laugh like that are gonna cry any second, which you guys might notice I kind of laugh like that the entire podcast. And I'm definitely that kind of person with my basic boring depression, but I'm like always on the verge. And I think she's just on the verge at all times. You can see why she's with Jax, he's just a fucking monster.

But it's also like her giggles have such like a round giggle sound to them. They're like, Hoh-hoy, ho-hoy, ho-hoy, you know? It's not like, ha-ha, it's like, it's literally H-U... It's H-Y-U-K, H-Y-U-K. Huck, huck, huck. It's like its own language at this point. I wanna play it into a Google Translate

and see what it speaks out. Cause it's like a full on around the world moment. It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like, hello, how are you? Do you know where there's a pizza shop? It's like someone tuning a theremin at this point. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, at this point. Can you tell I'm getting ready to go to Italy? That's what I'm looking up. Hello, how are you? Do you

know how to get to a pizza shop? You realize this is how everyone in Europe is gonna talk about us. Look at the American. My mom's name is Rhonda and I got Nell at the end. Tha-tha-tha-than apples, huh? You got any of those Italian Ises or you just call them Ises over here? Y'all got Chevy Malibu's here? They call them Chevy Talies. Wow, sure is pretty here in London.

Why do they call a big band? It's just a clock. Hey, Ben. Hey, Ben, look over there. That's what we used to call Ben before he lost weight. Hi, congratulations on your bridge. You got picked up again after a fail down. Okay, so she just talked about the current Miss USA. So you know we have to see her because her name was invoked. That's what happens with Miss USA people on Bravo.

You even mentioned them and here they appear vapidly. They appear in a vapid puff of smoke. It's kind of like Candyman. It's like the Bravo version of Candyman. You said Miss USA, not even three times, just one time, and they just appear in your mirror and they're like, you look really good today. Thanks. Haunting pageant queen. And she is terrifyingly, and when I say vapid, I don't know the girl. Maybe she's really smart

or something. I don't know if she's stupid. I just mean void of all humanness or humanity. I just mean void of all humaneness, you know, because, or humanity, because we cut to Nia and Nia's like, um, my boobs hurt. And she's like, uh, I'm here, but then I have to go to Florida for another appearance. It's like, oh God, is there anything human in you? She reminded me of my Ergo Rapido stick vacuum, like sort of just like skinny, useful,

but like the battery runs out quickly. Yeah, she's an effort for sure. So then we cut back. So he was like, must be a tough life doing appearances. And she's like, yeah, real tough life. Gotta go to Tampa later. So when we cut back to Brittany and Brittany's like, well, me invited Michelle, Jason, Christian, yeah, real tough life. Got to go to Tampa later. So when we cut back to Brittany and Brittany's like, well, they invited me to show you'll chase me Christian Channing. Why not

take advantage of that and go have fun? Fun is not a three syllable word, Brittany, and you fucking know it. Stop. From what I've heard- Stop your performative pickism. So Jax is Jax is like, well, I guess everyone's kind of good now, huh? It's like, yeah, well, from what I hear, and everyone's had a blow where we can hopefully move on fingers crossed.

That'll help me tie this bindle to my stick. By the way, you started all of these fights. So stop acting like, well, I hope we can all get along before I make everybody fighting each other. So he's like, yeah, well, you guys are gone. Might as well have a pool day. So then we cut to Jesse and Michelle's house and Michelle is packing for Malibu. And you know, sometimes it takes a minute to get a handle on who these people are and

like how we're going to talk about them. I'm like, what the real twist of their personality is. And I finally realized who Michelle reminds me of. Gay, you know, at a pool, you know, the thing that cleans the pool on the bottom of the pool, and it just goes across the pool really slowly. That sounds like that's her. That's Michelle. Yeah, I can see that.

That's how she talks. It's how she moves. Michelle. Yeah, I can see that. It's how she talks, it's how she moves. I was going to say, she sort of reminds me of at the carnival, that ride with the little cars that just goes around in a circle. It's like a merry-go-round, but it's cars.

So it's like a smaller, less interesting merry-go-round. That's what she reminds me of. Well, there you go. So. Kind of both the same thing. Just two sort of machines, machines that make a low level hum and sort of go in circles. Two extremely not exciting machines. So then she had one good conversation with her husband in like 10 years.

So she's like in a good mood now. And so she's being smiley with him and she's like, don't you like my Harry style Adidas? And he's like, great, yeah, amazing. Wow. Okay, well, I guess that's over. I guess his attempt at being a nice husband is now over. We're out of that phase. Back to mutual hatred.

So Michelle's like, I'm not good at packing. He goes, yeah, I think you're fine. And then he picks up a drawing from their daughter, Isabella, and he goes, do we need this thing? I don't think she's even gonna notice if we throw it away. He just tosses it in the garbage. Her little drawing from when she was three years old, like that he will never be able to treasure

again in his life. So we go over to Kristen and Luke, and they're at coffee, and they're talking about sex and everything. And Luke's like, your boobs look really good. Thanks. Seriously. I still need that massage. I can't believe my boobs still looked as good after Ruth had diarrhea. Eating all the petals that were left around. Wouldn't be that so cool.

That was like the night when we conceived. And then they like cross their fingers and everything, like maybe we have it this time, maybe we got a baby. Oh God, please don't. And he's like, yeah, it was so awesome last night, we didn't even make it to the bedroom. First of all, no one cares, you two. And second of all, you're really trying too hard

to convince everybody that you're having a lot of sex, and I just don't believe it, until they show the shot of the dogs crying. Cause he's like, we didn't even make it to the couch. And then they show like 10 dogs sitting on the couch like, please don't fucking hear again, please. And they have those dogs. Kristen is smart cause she gets the dogs that are already, they

already have terrified eyes. You know, those dogs that are like, they've kind of got little chihuahua eyes. We're like, please, please of got little chihuahua eyes. She definitely has Disney dogs in the sense that like she has like two little dogs and then there's Jill who's like a big dog. And you know, if it was like a Disney cartoon, Jill is like the protector dog. And they're like, we don't know what to do, Jill. And Jill says, come here, little ones. No need to look at the humans fucking across the room. So, so, so, so. If Jill ever gave them drawing therapy,

they'd just draw faces with no facial features on them. Jill would be like, it's okay, just block it out. Block it all out. One of the dogs is like- It's like the same one in the summertime movies. I was like, whoa. That's a very traumatized dog, I'm sorry. One of the dogs is like, I was like, Whoa, that's a very traumatized dog. I'm sorry. One of the dogs is like, I mean, seriously, Kristen, you were like fucking in the front seat

in the car and I was in the trunk. Just a Monica, Monica, it's a Monica dog. The dog has like 13 names. Okay, so then we go back to Jackson Brittany's house and Jackson's leaf blowing because you know, Jackson loves cosplaying as a dad. And I know he's actually doing it now kind of technically I know he's technically set up to be doing it. I still don't believe it. He can he can he can mow his lawn

and play with the leaf blower all he wants. I'm still not buying it. I think I think Cruz might not be real. I'm just saying, Cruz is a cartoon. Cruz is AI. He's AI, yeah. So then the producer's like, do you have an obsession with your leaf blower? He's like, why does everyone say that? No, I mean, yes, I mean, like, okay,

well, I got obsessed with it because I thought it was blow at first and then it turns out it's actually a blower. And so anyway, one thing led to another and I'm kind of like OCD, so God, I hate, I like everything else to have a place which is why I blow leaves all around. To indiscriminate corners. I suck so much off that it's nice to have something

that blows as much as I suck. Does that make any sense? Like brings balance to the backyard. I got a leaf blower. I have a leaf blower, yeah. But I have a problem with mine. I hate it. I love mine, but here's the thing.

So I've got like a little terrace and it's always collecting leaves and dust. Everything always blows onto it. And so I got this little leaf blower, but the thing is that the terrace kind of has like walls. And so what happens is I just blow the leaves around and they swirl around in a circle and I just chase leaves around in this little square.

And I'm like, why did I get this thing? This is not helping me whatsoever. You know what's good? A wet vac. You know those big, huge wet vacs for the garage? They're like huge. They're like big circles that roll around on the ground. They look like short trash cans.

I got one of those because it has the strength of a leaf blower, but then you turn a switch and it sucks at that same strength. So you can suck in the leaves, which is what people should be using. Like that's the kind thing to do. You shouldn't be blowing leaves at cars and other people's yards.

That's so shitty of people and it's always made me crazy. And then I got a leaf blower and I'm like, I'm the ultimate fucking hypocrite. So I went and I got the other thing and it's great. Now I just suck up leaves and dead bugs. Oh, that's great because my terraces, it gets so dusty and dirty so quickly and then the dust like kicks on

so you can't even like blow the dust away. And okay, that's good to know. I'm really into it. So what do you want to bet? How much money do you want to bet? I'm going to bet $10 that Jax occasionally sticks his penis in the leaf flower. But...

I think he does. What would be, does he turn on the leaf flower when that happens to just as thick, just got flopped around inside the tube. I think so. I think he just like gets off with standing the wind. But then if he splooges in there, it's just like all come flying out out of his chest. Do you think Jack's has never been covered in his own splooge?

That's true. And other people's really thinking about that Miami guy member? Yeah, that's true. So Brittany. You've got to work. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So we see Jax cleaning things up and getting annoyed that there's lots of dishes. So now we come back from that, and Brittany enters the kitchen and she's like, Chris, you're so handsome, but are you excited to have another one? Help me. And Jax is like, yeah, you're like so handsome, but are you excited to have a night without me? And Jax is like, yeah, no, go ahead. Have fun with your girlfriends.

She goes, you say that, but then you get mad at me whenever I do get home. And he's like, oh, I get mad when you come home wasted and you come into the room when I'm sleeping. That's when I got mad at you. And she's like, I love Jax, but I literally try to be positive and happy. And Jax is a lot of times like who's just moody negative Well, yeah, who would you fucking marry Pollyanna you married Jacks. Okay, you married Jacks on the come-down What do you expect?

Yeah, and all senses of that word and so Britney's like Britney's like look, okay. I got games I'm working to this weekend, this night, I've got tequila. And he's like, oh, well, God forbid you forget the tequila. And she's like, well, a lot of times I feel like we balance each other out in that way, but like other times, like I got to get out of here. I got to do something.

So this is the episode we find out that Brittany's just a raging alky. I love this show. Like this show, I did not see this coming where Jax is the one complaining about the partner drinking. Drinking. Yeah, it's surprising. Jax literally has had five noses to keep up with his partying ways. Are you fucking kidding me? Jax. Yeah, this was a big surprise and twist that I guess it's not that surprising that Britney might be the drunkard of the two because, you know, in her later seasons of Vanderpump Rules, she was very much like, I love tequila. So I guess we saw this approaching. Well, I guess there's just that moment and it especially hits people from these shows

like Summer House, Vanderpump Rules, the ones where they were never really that young to begin with, like let's be honest, but we watched them age on the show and there comes that time where the audience is like, okay, you shouldn't be this drunk still, but they're still drunk. And I remember when I was watching the show, I was coked out half the time, but it's like that was a long time ago. And so I don't know. I think it becomes one of those things where

the audience has kind of grown past some of these things, but the people on the shows are still doing it and they have babies. Now, I don't want drink shame people and I don't wanna drink shame her. I mean, listen, she's with Jax. I agree with Janet when Janet's like, she's lit all the time and I don't blame her. She's married to Jax, wouldn't you be? Because I kind of agree with that. And Lord knows, I mean, my mom still brags about

drinking a bottle of wine a day and smoking a pack a day while she was pregnant with me. So that's what I come from. But I don't know. I don't know. It's just weird. I never thought Brittany would have a toddler and be coming home barfing wasted all the time. That's kind of goals, to be honest.

Yeah, that's what we're seeing in this episode. So Janet picks her up and they start heading off to Malibu. I like Brittany now is what I'm saying. That was a very long way of me trying to explain that I like Brittany now, sorry. So Janet is like, by the way, I looked at the house on Zillow and if we're like, if we were to be renting this house, it'd be $25,000 a month. It's like a really nice house.

And then she's like, yeah, and like, of course I've looked at all my friends houses on Zillow. Like anytime I get an address, the first thing I do is put it into Zillow and give myself a little house tour. I know exactly how much everybody has paid for their houses when they last sold, you know, about how much they pay taxes per year, except for Zach. When I entered in his address, Zillow just said, I'm sorry, that's beneath us, which was weird. I didn't know that was programmed in. So by the way, Zach's hair is real. Did you know that? Did you hear that?

Breaking news? Someone sent us something that I didn't watch it, but someone said that there was something where Zach showed that his hair was real. I didn't watch it either. I just believe it. Cause there were enough comments being like, guys, his hair is real.

And so I was like, okay, I guess I believe you. It's like 10 of you. But yeah, I guess there's a thing where he puts his fingers through his hair and shows you that it's real hair. I mean, yeah, I guess there's a thing where he puts his fingers through his hair and shows you that it's real hair. I mean, they get a haircut, you know what I mean? Like, there's no excuse for what's happening. Now you have a styling issue. Okay.

Either way, you're either way you need you need to work on it is what we're saying. I don't believe people all the time. Because Jeff Lewis does it too. Like Jeff Lewis, he's like, well, did you say that I, he says something like, did you say that I wear a wig? I said, no, I just said, it looks like you wear a wig. But it was a long time ago that I said, I didn't know him then. And I was like, but it does. And he's like, it's not a wig. And I said, yes, it is. And he's like, he pulled like his hair, like he puts his fingers in and he pulls on his hair and he's like, it's

not a wig. Do you want to feel it? And I'm like, no, I don't. I mean, I don't wanna, but he proved that it wasn't a wig, but I still left there. I was like, how did he trick me? Cause I think it's a wig. Like, I don't know how people do it. Lisa Rinna had for many years, remember, she had to prove that she wasn't wearing a wig. Yeah, and you know where that came from, Brandy?

Do you know where that came, started with us with, I used to say it all the time, like her stupid wig. I don't know if it started with me, but that's the first, one of the first things, interactions I ever had with Lisa Rinna was before that brandy thing, and she's like, I don't wear a fucking wig. I was like, yes, you do.

I was like, I don't care. I said, you do wear a wig, and I don't know, I'm not saying you're bald under there, but maybe you have a wig that's already styled so you can just go out in the day. You know what I mean? She's like, I do not wear it. And she's like pulling her hair back and showing us.

But I still believe that you wear it. I mean, I don't know what it is. The ones I have it in my head. And then we of course had to sit through a million scenes of her talking about like, how can I wear Jackie tonight? Ah, ah, ah, ah. So Nia arrives at the Malibu house,

Nia's at the Malibu house and Michelle arrives and Michelle's like, Oh my God, how did you find this? And he was like, Well, my friend was in town and like she had to leave early. And so, but she had like this place and so she's like, Come on, stay. Nia has this voice. I really find her voice actually very comforting. And I'm not just saying this because I called her a monster. You're trying to be extra nice to her now because you were mean to her and said she was a

monster. No, because my friend has a very similar voice and like I love my friend. But like it's that funny thing where the voice is like, it's sort of like thin, it's like thin and up here, but you know, like cracks and like it sort of breaks a little bit. She's like slithering me. She's got a sore throat kind of like up there. Daniel. Yeah. So she's just as happy to have some fun and family life, everything. It's just like it's hard, no breaks.

So this is what this night is for. So Jasmine arrives next and they don't let her say anything because Jasmine and Zach are just like, these like random people on the side that just like pop up in scenes here and there and don't say anything. And so Mia's like, I'm glad you guys get to see my friend now because we need to sit and we need the piece

and I know I think we're gonna do painting and sipping and painting. Sounds fun, Mia. Sounds great. I can't wait to party. We're gonna paint and talk about feelings. And then go back to Jana and Brittany driving along and Jana's like,

the only thing I'm worried about right now is Chris and Michelle. I feel like they talked at the gala and they're like, okay, but they're like, not great. And Brittany's like, no! And Janet's like, I just want to see Kristen come in, like calm, peaceful vibes, drama-free, and hopefully only falls over on a table

like three or four times. I pray on this cheese puff that everybody gets along tonight. There ain't nothing like praying on a Cheeto. Praying on a Cheeto. Waiting for a Cheeto to fall. Waiting for a Cheeto to fall. That's in my life and my heart.

Okay. So, uh, Jack's house. So it's time for the pool day and Jesse shows up with Isabella, And my heart. Okay, so, Jax's house. So it's time for the pool day and Jesse shows up with Isabella resentfully. Like he just, he gets to see how much he just resents his child. And so he's like, all right. I mean, he's raised, he's raised his little twin

because she hates his guts. Yeah. She's like, yeah. Yeah. He's like, all right, let's go in and say hi to Cruz and Jackson everyone. She goes, no. What do you mean no?

Just do the daddy. Yeah, and so he puts her down and she just runs straight to the playroom. Commercials, here comes one right now. And so they go outside and the good the guys come the boys all start coming and they look what's up, bro, bro, bro bro, bro So then back in britney's. Oh, sorry. What were you gonna say? I was that that was just zach's little bro at the end there bro

Bro bro, we're going back to hot right now. Bro, bro, bro, okay, I'm ready for the pain goth. So back in Brittany's car, guess what? Jack just said, don't worry about us get drunk and have fun and be careful. We love you. Alright, well, we all hear it right now, right? It's in writing right now, it's in Jacks. Okay, this is the word of Jacks Taylor on the text message. He cannot be made at me tomorrow. I mean, those guys are so hypocritical, like they have all these double standards,

like it's just so annoying, because like the other day I wasn't feeling good, and Jacks kept making it worse, and I'm like, stop making it worse. Don't feel good Jax. And then they cut to nine days ago. So Brittany's like in bed, like she can't get out of bed. And Jax is like, oh my God, disgusting. You're fucking disgusting. She's like, why are you shaking her head at me?

Oh Jax, I can't help it if I don't feel good. And he's like, yes you can. You know, you know better. So she doesn't, yes, you can, you know better. So- No, she doesn't, she married you. Yeah, I think like she was, sometimes you're tolerant of other people's things because you want them to be tolerant of your things.

But that's a mistake to make with Jax because he expects everybody to tolerate his shit, but he will never tolerate yours, you know? Right. I mean, you're very drunk, so you can be drunk. Let's face it. Yeah, and then he's like, I mean, enough's enough. Like, stop fucking drinking. You want to have more kids act like a mom, which is like, whoa,

that's so vile. He's like, you want to have more kids act like a mom. Yeah. So my mom drank, my mom still drinks like a fucking champ. Okay. And she acts like a mom plenty. So Bernie's like, oh, you know, he actually goes still drinks like a fucking champ. Okay. And she acts like a mom plenty. So Brittany's like, Oh, you know, he actually goes out of his way more than I do, like, which I don't even like, I don't even like hair, but I'm like, he

comes home like drunk or whatever and such like, but I do it. I'm like the worst thing in the world. Well, on the first part of this episode, I think we're all like, yeah, go Brittany, you, fuck him. He can come home drunk. You can come home drunk too. Like, at least I was. While I was watching this, I'm like, team Brittany the whole way, you know?

And then by the end of the episode, I'm like, oh, yeah. She may need to look into some things. I've said this in a long time, but team Jax. Okay, so she's like, yeah, fuck him home drunk. It's the worst thing. And she's like, yeah. And like, he gets like it's the worst thing. And she's like, yeah, and like, he gets like hangover days, but you don't get hangover days. She's like, yeah, where's my hangover day? Am I right? Yeah, he's really starting to upset me a lot and such. Okay,

hand me a tequila. I'm really saying. Yeah. So this is where John is like, you know, I, you know, sometimes, you know, I am a little concerned sometimes, you know, we know I am a little concerned by how lit Brittany gets, but she is married to Jack Taylor, so makes sense. Yeah. Some people call it alcoholism. I call it anesthesia, you know, in this case. So they pull up to the Malibu house and Brittany's like,

oh, this is the fanciest hair sweater I've been to. And they walk in and everything and it's not, so we're bringing that party. The party's here. The party's here. Brittany's that friend who's a Hooters waitress. I mean, it really does right itself, you know? But Brittany is that friend who like comes over

after working at Hooters and you're having a painting party. I mean, just the scene is so funny. They're like, let's paint and talk about our feelings and postpartum depression. Brittany's like, poor thing, yeah! I just poured the Chino in the car! I had diarrhea in the car on the way over, but I put it in this box.

So Kristen said that Kristen arrives last and she's like, hi, hi, so sorry. I'm just like, I'm not feeling well. I just felt so sick this morning. Yeah, I'm just really, really sick. I'm probably going to barf on all of you guys. But then Luke was like, is it morning sickness? I'm like, this morning. Yeah, I'm just like really, really sick. I'm probably gonna barf on all of you guys. But then I ate and Luke was like, is it morning sickness? I'm like, seriously, seriously?

Well, and then he's like, well, pee on a stick. And I was like, you don't have to ask me to do that twice. I kind of do that every morning. It doesn't matter. Pregnancy stick, lacrosse stick, just give me a stick. I'll pee on it. You know what I'm saying? But guess what?

Not pregnant. I'm pissed everywhere, literally everywhere. I wish I put this cheese. Just comes in carrying like this picture with like 12 boxes stacked up to her head, just kind of wobbling in and dropping things and juggling dots. She's like a comforter. It's so crazy. It's like an entrance every single time. So, yeah, she's a mess and they're just all kind of staring at her like, okay, well, I guess it's going to be another day with Kristen over here.

And Michelle's like, please don't have a kid because we don't need more of you around. So they go up the upstairs patio and they're doing their sip and paint. Oh, what'd you say, hun? Pool is clean. I'm imagining that she's a, that's part of her functionality is like some sort of text message you get. Does anybody else get sick of choking on June bugs? I hate those like skinny leaves. You know, the ones that are really skinny, the worst.

So now it's time for the sip and paint. And Mia is like, you know, I'm doing my best. The worst. So now it's time for the Sip and Paint. And Mia is like, you know, this is my friend Tammy and I just wanted to have time with you guys so we could bond and Tammy's gonna lead us through this Sip and See and I don't really want to talk about anything but I'm incredibly depressed and that's why I painted depression. I just painted a black portrait of depression. That's how I feel. I can't get over it. I'm never going to get over it. Why?

And Tammy's like, all right, ladies, so the objective for today is going to be to make a butterfly. And then it cuts to Kristen looking like, oh, yeah, it's kind of my thing. Yeah, Mariposa, wearing a necklace. Look at my necklace. Mar. Yeah. Mariposa wearing a necklace. Mariposa. So Tim, come on. Hey, do you have a butterfly? I can be on pregnant. I didn't want to beep all around the butterflies. So Tim is like, she's like, no guys, you don't have to make the butterfly.

Even though it is a really super simple shape that you're all in your late 40s and probably know how to make it. But you're not in your late 40s. Sorry. Stay out of the sun, guys. Anyway, think about an intention for your painting, like a butterfly intention, because anyone can do that unless you're a fucking idiot. I'm sorry. My new intention is to stop cursing at my clients. So what do you want to grow into? Like maybe a butterfly. I'm not trying to force a butterfly agenda onto you guys. I'm sorry, my new intention is to stop cursing at my clients. Oh, so what do you want to grow into? Like maybe a butterfly. I'm not trying to force a butterfly agenda onto you guys. I'm just like really proud of my butterfly painting and no one has even complimented me about it yet,

except for that weird girl who's trying to pretend like it was her idea in the first place. Okay, new intention, calm down. Calm down, Tammy. So Janet's like, I feel like my intention today is to heal and to laugh. And Brittany's like, so you're gonna do a smiley face?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's what I'll tell Jax. A smiley face if you wanna laugh. So what's Michelle's intention? She's like, that's a hard question. This has probably been one of my hardest years. I have so many words for intentions, but I guess my first intention is going to be love.

To love myself, to love my family, to love everybody in my life because I'm a wife. I'm a mother. I'm a butterfly painter. I'm a sip and seer. I'm a sand between my toeser. I'm a cloud. Tim is like, um, that's very nice, but why are you painting a Harry Styles Adidas on your canvas? I just want someone to, I want someone to see it.

Someone to smile at my Harry D my Harry Styles Adidas. I just want someone to acknowledge that I spent $3,000 on eBay for this. that I spent $3,000 on eBay for this. So Michelle's like, yeah, my intention is going to be love. And Janet's like, I love that. And Brittany's like, well, I love you. And Janet's like, well, you know that we're all here for you, too, Michelle. Like, we don't want you to feel like you're alone, which is,

I'm sure how you're feeling your marriage right now. Brittany's like, yeah, 100% you're not alone. So Kristen's like, okay, well, I guess I can say that my intention for this moment is shoulder shimmies, but only one. Only one. Pain is flattering on everyone as Kristen's trying to talk. It's a sip and wear. On their faces.

Like, all right, So, my intention is peace because I feel like lately there's been issues and frustrations and like lack of trust. And I think my biggest thing, I think like if we could just all be like a little more empathetic, it's like, I'm an empath, guys, okay? And then the producers, God bless them. This happened. Look, it's still tickling me. This was the best thing I've seen on TV so far this year. It just cuts to Kristin, she goes, I'm an empath. And then it goes one shoulder shimmy. It's so hard to be an empath. And then knocks into her head and almost knocks her over. And then it cuts to a Kristen being an empath montage.

It starts off with suck a dick Diana. Suck a dick Diana. I laughed so hard I literally had to pause to laugh. This was the funniest montage and the fact that they just stuck it right in the middle of this thing was amazing. All of Kristen's greatest hits. I'm gonna knock your fucking ass out. Stop interrupting me.

Oh God, so she's like, yeah, I just wanna like fix everybody's problems, you know, I'd like an empath, so. God, I forgot how painful it is talking about Kristen sometimes. I just, I'm a good person. So, then everyone's like, empath? Um, no, I don't think so. Does she even know the definition of it? So Kristen's like, yeah, my judgment's peace. And he was like, yeah, and same for me, like peace. Like I, um, I need the light and like, I need the positivity. And I think it's because I have so much going on right now with Daniel and that I have to be like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm totally fine. But I'm not really that fine. So I'm just like, oh, it's going to

go away, but it's not going to go away. And it's actually very emotional. I'm just trying to do her voice for like right now. But like she's, you know, obviously going through postpartum and she's really struggling with it. And she talks about it that like she's been like the first first baby was fine, but the twins, it's twins has been like much, much harder. And she's like feeling like like, is this just going to be a new reality? She just gonna be sad all the time. And she just says it's like feeling like, like, is this just going to be her new reality? She just going to be sad all the time. And she just says, it's like a wave. It just like comes out of nowhere and covers her and then slowly dissipates.

And you know, wrap it up, wrap it up. I can't with the depression section. I can't. I'm not saying don't be depressed, you know, I just can't dwell on. I'm just going to pretend it didn't happen. It's very sad. I can't go from Kristen being like, suck a dick, I'm an empath to like, I'm legitimately sad dwell on just going to pretend it didn't happen. Okay. It's very sad. I'm Christian being like, suck a dick.

I'm an empath to like, I'm legitimately sad. Here's what I will say. You must be difficult. Like having all these things that came out of you running around, pooping, flirt, flinging their snot everywhere and just being such little fucking users. You know what I mean? Like it's got to be some point. You've got to be like, I'll do everything for you.

I'm up all night long for you. And all you do is want. You never say thank you. You never say anything. You don't even talk to me. I have problems. You don't listen to me. I need a nap. I never get a fucking nap. I don't know how anybody doesn't kill their children. Like, honestly, I don't know how anybody puts up with it. They just- I said all, I said everything that you just said, I said last night to those little boxes of chocolates in the peacock box. I was like, what are you doing for me, huh? They're giving me pleasure.

I cannot stop staring at this little rosewater Shaw's of sunset chocolate. I'm not eating it right now because I'm trying to prove that I have some self-control, but God damn it, it's calling me. Well, the TLDR is that Nia is really struggling and when the producers are trying to get her to explain more of it, she can't even talk about it. She has to like pause and then pretend like she wants to go check on her kids. It's like very sad to watch. Well, but also what the fuck is a producer asking?

This is the producer's question, by the way. So is it like a reaction to having children and then the family and the love? Is it an adverse reaction to that? Okay. As if the producer doesn't know what postpartum is. He's just trying to make her cry. Yeah, and she does. She's like, can we take a break? So, she's crying, she's upset. So, and then of course, she has to check her phone because can't leave the husband at home. We've all seen Mr. Mom. Well, I mean, I think it was a distraction. I think she was just trying to be like, I don't want to cry. Here comes like the pageant queen. I'm like, I'm not

crying. I'm not depressed. I just, I'm just going to check out my kids until I, uh, I'm not crying anymore on camera. So, uh, Kristen's like, well, you know, it's okay to not be okay. And he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So then we go back over to the barbecue and Jesse's making burgers and everyone's playing in the pool and everything and Jack just starts to like eat a burger. That's just been like sitting out the side of the pool for hours with flies around it flies. He's like who cares, you know, yes, you can get sick from that The flies are gonna get sick if the flies had any of that saliva, you're going to see the flies just stumbling over, driving drunk, getting pulled over.

What are those flies may have gotten impregnated. Wait a minute. There's actually a fly trying to snort the mustard out of that cap. Is that fly wearing a chunky sweater now? That fly just took off his sweater to fight with another fly. What's going on?

Jax, I'm sorry to tell you, you did not get the social media job in Tampa. We gave that to a fly. So now Danny is not coming to pool day because his air conditioning went out. I'm like, that's again, if you're in a house that's boiling hot, why would you not go to someone's swimming pool? Well, I think he was waiting for the air conditioning person. I'm guessing like I was trying to wait for the air conditioning person to come over. But he's like, yeah, it's 89 degrees in my house right now. I'm not coming, man. I can't. Because guess what? I got 302 over here. 302.

302 when it's 89 above. Hi. By the way, congrats to the air conditioners in the valley breaking on two different shows. Because it also happened in Ariana's room, remember? Yeah. Remember? Yeah. The whole reason why Maya almost died. They've got their work cut out for them. And as I mentioned in this episode, the valley's fucking hot. I live in Texas and it is so hot here.

It is insanely hot. And yeah, sometimes the air conditioners, like you literally hear them go, ow, I can't. But they don't pump pump. And they just die. They're like, I'm done. Just fucking kill me already. And they kill themselves all the time around here. You have to pay a lot.

You have to be on a membership over here so that they'll come out to you. They'll put you in the front of the line. Because if you just call here, they'll be like, there's a three week wait. So you have to be on a membership where you pay a lot of money a month to be in the priority list. It's like getting clear in the airport. Isn't that crazy? Air conditioner clear. Cause you'll die if your air conditioner goes out here.

You can't live. No, I don't know how the settlers did it. No, I don't know. So Jack's asking Jesse how the therapy situation is. And Jesse's like, oh, it's a disaster. It's a disaster. It's just like, oh, but then he said this. And then he said that it's a disaster. It's a disaster. It's just like, Oh, but then he said this,

and then he said that it's just like complete chaos. By the way, if you're that person who complains about therapy, because it's just like, like everyone's piling onto you, it's not the fault of therapy. It's usually because you're a disaster. This happens. How many times do we see this? People say like, Oh God, therapy was just a gang obsession. That's all it was. The therapist coming at me. She's coming at me. It say like, oh God, therapy was just a gang obsession. That's all it was. The therapist is coming at me. She's coming at me. It's like, yeah, because you're fucking up. That's why people come at you. I mean, I complain about therapy, honestly, to be honest. I just don't want to be a hypocrite. I mean, look, my problem with

therapy is I leave there and I feel like I'm the only one really doing any work. It's like, am I the only one in this relationship? Like, why am I the only one talking about their problems? Like, you don I the only one talking about their problems? Like, you don't open up at all. I have therapy today. I'm very excited. I love therapy.

Can't wait to see what she thinks of it. It's gonna be great. It's a he. Oh yeah, it is, I need that. I'm sorry. I love my therapist. And you know, it's great. I feel like crap is therapy and then therapy is therapy.

Just get it all out of the system. So these are these people are just avatars for the issues in our lives, right? Well, update. I just ate the shots of chocolate. I couldn't wait. So talking about therapy, it was pretty good. Hello there. This is a two part recap. Okay, this is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two! Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors! Ain't no thing like Alison King! Ashley Savoni, she don't take no bologna! Strolling the park with Caitlin Clark! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela!

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