Watch What Crappens - #2399 Summer House: The Faults in Our Stars with Michelle Collins

Episode Date: April 19, 2024

The hilarious Michelle Collins drops by to talk Summer House, and then it’s on to the latest episode (S08E09) where Danielle and Gabby vie for a balloon artist.  Meanwhile, Paige has a shocking change of allegiance, and Lindsay encourages Carl to, you know, get a job.  Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappens. Watch what crappens. Watch what crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch what crappens. Watch what crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hello. How are you doing? Great, good to be alive. It certainly is. It's over here still kicking y'all.

We'd love to hear that. We are welcome back everyone. Today is our summer house recap. In a few weeks we've got Netflix is a joke. It's coming up very quickly. So if you're in the LA area, come join us for that at the Cuckoo Bear Lounge also London Dublin Birmingham in Europe come join us for those shows if you are abroad I would love to see everyone at all these shows go to watch also men are

allowed to come men are allowed to come men are allowed to come. You're all gonna go to odds. Get it? If you say feel free to come if you're abroad. Oh, if you're abroad. If you're abroad. Hey, if you're abroad, you know? That's what you're gonna be getting, guys. That's what you're gonna be getting. That is the, that is our unique brand of American humor that we are going to be exporting to the UK and Ireland.

It's called Father Jokes. Father Funnies. Daddy jokes. father jokes, father funnies. Daddy jokes, daddy, daddy, daddy jokes. So, uh, I got to watch a crap is.com for that. So before we get into the big recap though, we want to do something very fun and special, which is welcome back. One of our dearest friends to the show, cause we love her so much. She's literally one of the funniest people that I've

known that I've met ever, ever, ever, ever. So please welcome back to Watch Where Crap In's Michelle Collins. Hi, Michelle. Michelle. Boys, I feel like it's been such a long time and I'm just so thrilled to be here and to see both of you. You've never looked better. When did we all become the hottest versions of ourselves? This is my question that I have. Dude, for real, I was looking at a Facebook memory from 12 years ago and I was like, I look better now.

Thank the medical industry. I'm showing at my, this sounds like I'm doing a blind plug, but it really is true that at my tour, which I'm here to promote, Big Natural Tour, but I'm talking about the view and I have not looked at clips of myself on The View. Seriously, I'm not talking a lot about it, but a little bit, enough for the people to whet their appetites, you know?

But I went back and I watched footage of myself on the show, and the fact that I didn't fully javert myself off a bridge, I mean, I was just like, how? No wonder the network was like, how do they even agree to put me on to begin with? Forget, knock me out. I'm like, they did the right thing. I'm on their side.

I'm like, they absolutely did the right thing. But uh. You look amazing, Michelle, though. Thanks, man. Yeah. Your hair looks great. Thank you, I know. It's kicky.

I'm like a curvier Countess Luanne. I went to a, I went with a gay friend of mine in Amsterdam to a gay bar and someone went, Countess Luanne! When I walked in, I was like, that's nice, but also I'm not her asowee. You're like, yes, thank you very much. Exactly. So what are you doing now?

Before we get into Bravo stuff, I just, I mean, I only talk to you if we're on the show. I haven't talked to him forever, Ron. I know, I haven't seen you in so long. So where are you? What are you doing? Ben told me you're living in Amsterdam now. Cause I mean, obviously I follow you on the Insta.

So I see you all over the place, but I don't know where you're at. And then I saw you tweeting like, oh my God, I'm missing everything in New York. I'm missing the eclipse. I'm missing the earthquake. This is what the economics of New York city did to me. So I was like, where are you?

That was an economics joke to be honest. Cause I mean, it was really an economics based joke. That was, I got it. I got it. I was like, where is she now? So I do live in Amsterdam now, which is just funny. And I think, skeletally speaking, I've never felt more secure because everyone

is very tall there. So I, it's like full Home Depot Halloween decorations. Like you walk in there, you're like, wow, everyone's massive. And that I love. So that's been fun for me. But yeah, but I'm back in New York now doing press before the tour.

And then I'm going to Miami for a couple days. I'm not being funny. Everyone's like, oh, to see your parents. I'm like, uh-huh. But also to get Botox and highlights. So that's really why I'm going. To me, that's sort of like why you've really made it. You're like flying to a city

to get beauty things done to yourself. That's kind of chic. Are there Botox options in Amsterdam or are they like not like, is it not? I'll tell you, it's so funny that you asked that because I did once get Botox, actually twice I got Botox there and I had the meanest,

this is actually such a triggering story for me. So basically I was overcharged. This is really crazy. This is actually such a triggering story for me. So basically, I was overcharged. This is really crazy. This is crazy. I was overcharged for $20 when I went the last time to this one place, which fine, who cares? And they were like, we're so sorry, because you know, they're very cheap, the Dutch are the term going Dutch is because of the cheap motherfuckers who live there because they split every fucking bill. Okay, I learned that after I moved there. Right. So anyway, she's like, Oh, my god, I'm so sorry. You know, we'll put it on your account for next time. I went, thank you so much.

I go back like, you know, six months later to get it done again. Now there's a new doctor there who looks like the, what's the thing in Ice Age where the eyes are on either side of the head, John Leguizamo's animal? You know what I'm talking about. Like, I don't know what animal that is. What is that thing?

I don't know what that thing is actually. I don't know. It's like a squirrel, a prehistoric squirrel or something. Can I say squirrel? Anyway, his name is Vouter, spelled Wouter, like a modem, like an internet Wouter. And he's like, um, and I have to wait for like 20 minutes. No one is in the waiting room. There was just a camera, like a big brother camera lens focused on me, the patient waiting for Vouter to come in. So finally, he comes in not an apology to be seen in sight for the lateness, not one apology. So I'm already

like sort of hyped a little because I'm pissed, you know. And then he sits down and I go, Oh, by the way, I just want to let you know, I have a $20 credit, you know, because I knew I was gonna forget. So it's like, you know, I have a $20 credit on the account. And he was like, is something troubling you? Something wrong? Like that. Oh, Ben, oh Ronnie.

You know, that's where I actually put on my Rocketeer backpack and orbited the earth. I was like, is something wrong? Actually, yes. And I left and I never saw my 20. I said, you know what? I don't feel comfortable getting my Botox in here. And I left and that's the last time I ever got it done.

So yeah, it wasn't a great experience. Oh, so when you said you had a mean, I finished the sentence for you in my head and thought you were saying like, I got mean Botox. Cause you know, when they freeze your face, they can freeze your muscle. And I thought maybe they got you like in a mean face where you were walking around with like a mean face

for three months. Like full Jafar. Yeah, no. I just have fullgerfar face. I look like Prince. Everyone's like, is he back? No, it's Michelle. I'll tell you this, that one time in England, I went to get it done. I feel like it sounds like I get it done like every month. I get it done probably three times a year. And they basically gave me two Michelangelo horns. Like they didn't do little, little, little. I bet. That's how it goes. I've talked about that. I got, the way I do it, because I have to move my face for this, right?

So I'm like, I still want to move my face, but it's this dent in the middle of my face, the angry 11s or whatever, which mine, it's like a valley. It's like the San Fernando Valley, it's huge. So they only do the middle of my face, but it caused my other muscles to go so crazy because I have strong face muscles that I started growing horns on. Oh no, but it caused my other muscles to go so crazy because I have strong face muscles

that I started growing horns. Oh no, that's not what happened to me. I just wanna clarify. I had literal bumps coming out here. What? Yes, and I finally have evened them out a little bit. Like we found the right spots, but it took a while. I had fucking horns.

What happened to you? No, they just, normally, because I go to a great place in Miami, a girl I went to high school with actually, she's fabulous. It's the beauty clinic with Dr. LaTal, Cathayne, she's fabulous. Get that Botox plugin.

This count girl, yes. Yeah, no, but by the way, I do it because I love her. I've known the girl 30 years, you know, so it's like when you've known someone so long, but she is the best and she does little, little, little. So I still have movement, cause I also want to move obviously. But when I got it done in London, I got full Mrs. Doubtfire brow, one brow,

or I don't even know what it was. One brow was like that. And then I couldn't raise it. But she just instead of going little, little, she put two like golf ball size Botox injections. And she had horrible BO. I remember that. Oh, no. She put the BO on Botox. It sounds like I made that up, but genuinely she really smelled that. And I was like, all right, I get it. Anyway, maybe she like Botox or armpits and thought like now that I've Botoxed my armpits, like Ramona Singer, I'm not going to sweat. And therefore I don't have to put on deodorant. You know what?

You might be onto something with that because she really was like, she had like a Zara polyester top on and anyone who knows those shirts knows within 15 minutes with it's a Fajita steam shoot now. You can't wear it. It's horrible. Faheeda steam. All right. So, okay. So what are you, what have you been able to watch on Bravo or what are you watching currently

that's like getting you excited? Well, it's funny because I couldn't have come on your show at a worse time. I feel like there's like nothing really on at the moment. I'm not watching The Valley. That is just keeping in line with not supporting certain people on that show. And I just, I have no space. There's enough evil in the world. I don't need to spend an hour of my week. I'd rather do Wordle 15 times. We would watch a show centering around terrorists if it was on Bravo. I'd be fine with it. It's actually really funny. I'm thinking of a pun. It's going to come to me. It'll come to me. And well, like the real cave wives of wherever they lived. Anyway, that was a joke about him

living in a cave. You can leave it and you can take it out, whatever you want to do. Well, we'll keep it in. So keep it in. What? No, I totally, by the way, I support your moral stance in the ballet. Thank you. And I was so dreading that we're gonna be recapping, especially when we saw the promos,

like this is just like awful, not gonna watch this show. And I have been like really shocked by how actually it's great. It is so good. And I support you and your stance. Listen, I might change my tune. I'll put it this way.

Like, I was off of Summerhouse for like two seasons. I didn't watch, I think, the last two. And then because I did watch What Happens with Paige, DeSorba, who is the best, I was like, oh, I'll get back into Summerhouse. And I'm like hooked completely back into Summerhouse. So I am watching that. This season, I think the season of Summerhouse is fantastic.

I'm like riveted by it. I'm like loving the slow motion car wreck of Carl and Lindsay. Every week I get so excited. That was a great poem. That was a great poem, by the way. Yeah. That's good. You know, you look like Carl.

You've been told that. Every time I look at him. Thanks. No, he always reminded me to remind me of each other. Really? That's so funny. I mean, wait, so what do you think, by the way, about their crumbling relationship, like, where do you stand on it? Listen, I, Lindsay is not my kind of person.

Lindsay is someone there are a couple of people on that show who are just not my kind of people. Kyle is just not my kind of person. Kyle is someone who I would never have, in any orbit on the planet, we would never find each other in the same circle, in the same party, it wouldn't happen. And I feel the same way about Lindsay. Lindsay to me is, she's like, she thinks she's type A,

but she's just, the A stands for fucking annoying. Like, it's like, you're not actually doing anything. You're just being fucking annoying. And you think that by being annoying, you're actually being a strong woman, but actually you're just, you know, actually doing anything. You're just being fucking annoying. And you think that by being annoying, you're actually being a strong woman, but actually you're just, you know, needling people. So I find her really unbearable, I guess, is the terminology I'm looking for.

And that he is kind of a weakling in many ways. He's tall and hot. I mean, physically they look good together, I think, but I am, I support him and what he's doing. I really do believe, I don't think they're a match. Ener do believe, I don't think they're a match. Energetically, I don't think they're a match. They're not sleeping with each other. What's the fucking point?

I mean, I could be engaged to him. Well, I don't know, I'm engaged to, I mean, like you and McGregor. I mean, I'm just thinking. Jack Nicholson. Yeah, oh, well. I don't know why I went there. We can go right next week.

RIP, nice to know you guys. No, but listen, you know. Listen, I hearken back to gossip from the 60s. I don't give a shit. I'll talk about things from, I'll talk about caves. I don't care. I'm like out of my mind. I'm so jelt-like and tired right now that this is a fever dream of happiness for me.

Go on. That's how we like it. Yeah, no, we've been talking about Carl and Lindsay like week in and week out. And like, definitely the two of them are just trying to just erase all the damage that they have in their lives. They think that like by like coming together, she can finally get her fairy tale and he can be like a grownup.

And they're just like a disaster. They're a disaster. And you know, listen, so are Amanda and Kyle. Yes. For much the same reason. Energetically speaking, they make zero sense. I mean, I just don't even understand like arrested development to that level for this guy is troubling. And she's someone who's like an adult. So that's going to be a problem for them, you know?

And yeah, and I love what I love West. I would, oh my God, he's the best. I actually don't even know what I would do for one night with West. I really, I actually went West. So I'm thinking like one night in Westcock. I'm thinking like... I don't, I don't. I was actively like trying to get my pun machine going. I don't believe, I don't believe in West yet.

Because... Why? Because he's just too good. And I've learned that that's a lie. He's like Halo Top ice cream. It's like, you know, you're funny. You eat it, you bite every flavor of it. And then after three bites, you're like,

this tastes like chalk and I have diarrhea now. Oh, Halo Top, Halo Top ice cream is one of the worst. I'll put it this way. Skinny Girl brand is Jean Georges compared to Halo Top Ice Cream. Have you tried Nix? Nix Fjord? No, I don't know what that is. It's another low calorie kind. It's better.

But that's opposite. You have to have three bites or four bites before it tastes good, and then it's okay. At first you're like, oh my God, I'm eating cancer. And then it's like, oh my God, cancer's so good. Do you remember the Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwiches? I was just about to say skinny cow, I love those. Those are fucking delicious,

but they were also hit or miss because sometimes you'd get the perfect batch where you were like call the chef out, these are the most delicious ice cream sandwiches. And then sometimes the cookie would be way too spongy and it would get in your fingers and you'd be like, well, this is a bad batch. That's true, yeah.

You needed the crunchy cookie. I actually always liked the spongy on my fingers. I don't mind that at all. Spongy on my fingers. I don't trust. Spongy on my fingers, also known as Carl and Lindsay's relationship. I like Wes so far, but I also don't trust him because he has teenage boy hair

where he pushes the hair forward. Do they do that where you live? Because in America, all the teenage boys have the same hair where they push it forward. They put it through a curling iron and they then they push it forward and that's well well all the middle school parties that I crash they do do that in Amsterdam but that's all I can speak for. What do you think about Jesse Solomon? Here's the thing with Jesse Solomon. He reminds me I never went to camp I didn't come from people rich enough to send me to sleepaway

camp okay. I'm already agreeing with whatever you're gonna. How'd I gone to sleepaway camp if I was that kind of a girl? obviously, I don't know if I would have been absolutely in love with him probably or like Hated him because I wasn't cool enough to be in his circle. Do you know what I mean? So like it probably both is the truth So there is he does stir up weird feelings for me because he is someone that I would have probably like gone to high school with or known in school. We are so the same. Right? Because I said that guy would bully me in high school.

I just see he would be mean to me. He would just say, he would pretend he's my friend and then just say shitty things or something. You have to look stupid in front of the cool people. I just know it. I don't think he's a bully, but I think what he would do though is lead you, he would like friendship lead you on.

He would make you think that like you guys are friends. And then like when you call to hang out, like he's just like nowhere to be found. You know, and I'll admit that in the past couple episodes, he has a wormed his way into my heart a little bit because I do like his friendship with West. And he does seem, wait, that girl, that avatar girl that he brought over with the tail

I can't that girl. I thought listen now There's I don't want to slut shame anyone cuz listen, you don't know my life The reason for that is I don't F anyone on reality shows Okay, because that to me is really crossing a boundary of just like self-respect. I did not like it. Yeah I where you mean? Yeah. Where they were like slurping in the hot tub. Oh my God. I feel like.

I feel like covering the camera with the towel. Listen, it happens on Big Brother. That's almost different, but still questionable. But like she came in there being like, yeah, I'm gonna fuck this guy. Like the way she walked into the house, I don't know, pardon my language, but it was just. Well, that whole show, how they set up the whole show,

it really is like, you have to go on these shows and fuck someone. I was like, that's what it is now. It's kind of like a whorehouse in a way. Like they had Winterhouse, which was even worse because Winterhouse, they're like, okay, you're all staying here for three weeks. Find someone to fuck or you're fired.

You know, and they all go in there and they're like, I think I like that guy. Oh my God, he likes that other girl. That's exactly what the view was like. The view was just like that. And that's why it didn't work out for me. I was like, what? Okay. Anyway.

Well, Michelle, it is always so great when you stop by. It was so like wonderful to chat with you. Tell everyone again about your tour and like where you're going. I feel like I didn't tell anyone even once. So you say again, I'm going gonna tell them for the first time. I'm like again. For the first time. Okay.

I wanna say a couple of things. First of all, thank you for having me. And I really did miss you guys. And it's like, where have you been? Ronnie, you have to come co-host my daily show. And Ben, you've done it before. Ben, obviously anytime, either of you are welcome. Tell me whenever.

The Michelle Collins show. I'm there. The Michelle Collins show on Patreon. It's patreon.com slash mishcall. Daily episodes, I do an episode with my mom once a week. It's completely, if you wanna know how this person is created, please sign up. There's a free trial, et cetera.

However, that's not what I'm here to show shockingly. I'm here because I'm going on my very first US comedy tour. It's called The Big Natural Tour. Yes, it is a play on words. Thanks for asking. And I'm going to eight cities. So we start April 23rd. I'm in Atlanta, Georgia.

Then we're doing Los Angeles, a beautiful theater, the Saban Theater in, are you guys coming? I hope you are. I'm gonna be in New York the night that you're doing your show. When is, I'm in Texas now. You know, all of y'all can go to, no, honestly go to hell.

But by the way, several of our friends though, here in LA are gonna go see you. I really hope people come. So that's April 25th, New York, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Chicago and Boston are already sold out. But those other cities you can get tickets to, New York, I'm at Town Hall, that's gonna be a big show, May 8th.

I'm about to say, I feel like what people need to know is that you are doing major theaters. Like you're doing Town Hall as a solo act and the Sibon Theater, I've been there. That's a huge theater. This is like a major thing. Like, muscle talk to you. Thanks, babes. I really, if you live especially in LA, New York or Portland, Oregon, I should mention is also

where the Aladdin Theater, which is also a theater. So please, if either, if you can go or please tell your friends, post about it on Instagram. I mean, tickets are selling. It sounds, this is a desperate plea, but I think it's more that because it's starting and like, you know, it's basically starting in a couple of days. So I want to make sure that people get their tickets and also before it sells out, they can go to michellecollinslive.com. All the ticket links are there.

One last thing, I'm also going to be doing Five Nights in London at the Soho Theater at the end of June, June 25th through the 29th. That is also the best comedy theater in London. It's so much fun. It's like Joe's Pub in that way. It has like an intimacy. It's just the best. And so maybe you guys can come to one of those shows.

It's like your New York home, huh? Joe's Pub. I love Joe's Pub. But Town Hall is like a, Town Hall is a moment. So I'm really looking forward to that. That really is. That's that's so cool that you're going to be there. I'm shocked that this is your first American tour because I feel like you're always all over the place. Yeah, I'm all over the place.

I'm just not touring and performing. You know, I'm excited. I'll be seeing you soon, but I hope you have the most amazing shows and everyone should go see Michelle as as I can say as a testimonial to someone who has seen Michelle live Michelle puts on a wonderful show and I think it's really funny and I I know that that's again sounds desperate and guess what? Yeah get in line gin. I want people to come to the show. No, I sing in the show I tell hilarious stories. I have like photo backup evidence. I talk about dating around the world We oh, can I say one last thing? I'm so sorry. We have like photo backup evidence. I talk about dating around the world. Oh, can I say one last thing? I'm so sorry. We have special guests in our big city. So Brian Soffi will be in Portland, Oregon. Oh, love him. We have Mamrie Hart and Danielle Schneider from

Bitch Session LA. We may have a really big guest in LA. I can't say it yet because it's not 100% confirmed, but I'm telling you, if you're a drag race person, I'm just going to put it out there. You should book it. And in New York, we have Kat Cohen and Peppermint from Drag Race and the Traders. So Peppermint's going to be there. So it's going to be like really, really exciting. This is an exclusive because I haven't even promoted the Peppermint thing yet, but yeah. Well, that's amazing. Congratulations, Michelle. Thanks for being here. I love you boys boys. Thank you for having me. We will catch you again. Also, congratulations to you guys because I feel like I haven't talked to you in so long and you're just like the kings of Bravo podcasts

and also just podcasts. And nobody works harder than the two of you and no one deserves it more. So I just adore you so much. Thanks for having me. Thank you, we love you, Michelle. Love you. Thank you so much.

All right, well, everyone go check out Michelle stuff and we'll catch you again sometime soon, Michelle. Bye, guys. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows?

Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G-I Jane too. Can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small, and then it gets so big.

Be honest, Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now. From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai.

And this is Dis and Tell. Where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Dis and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. 50 high school senior girls descend on Mobile, Alabama every summer to compete for a massive cash prize. It isn't Survivor.

It's one of America's most lucrative scholarship competitions for teen girls. It's been around for seven decades. Now you'll hear what took place behind the scenes. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondery, this is the competition. I'm your host, Shimon Liai, and I was Nevada's contestant 20 years ago. Now I'm returning as a judge to find out what two weeks with 50 of the country's most ambitious teens can tell us about girlhood in America. What happens when the competitors are thrown into the deep end with the best and brightest? And how does surviving the competition prepare them for everything that comes after? Follow the competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can binge all episodes of the competition early and ad free right now by joining Wondry+. Let's get on with some summer housing. So the episode opens up with West and Sierra and Paige. They are driving to the Hamptons, they're excited. And Paige is like, "'So West, how was your weekend without us?' Wait, let me answer that for you. Sad and pathetic, huh?

Okay, you don't have to speak the rest of the episode. I got you." And he is like, "'It was sad, I cried a little.'" Okay, we have to talk about this. So someone in the Discord group, who was it in the Discord group who gave us this video? Their name, wait, hold on.

Their name, because it's not like their real name. Let me pull it up. It was like Brooks. And so by the way, Discord is a Patreon thing in case. Brooks running in snowshoes. Okay, so thank you for that, because it was really nice. So I guess they ran into West at a bar and was like, leave a message for crappin'. So he did, it was really nice.

And he said something like, come on guys, I mean, I'm a nice guy. And don't worry, I'm a good guy. Yeah, don't worry. Because we say on the show, like, I don't trust if he seems like a very good guy. I don't know that I trust that he's a good guy. It's Summer House. And I feel like they're, they're, he's getting such a good edit. I think him and Jesse both are getting such a good edit. It seems like the producers are setting them up

to be terrible in the future. What do you think after this? I can not, I can literally not tell. To me, he seems so nice, and I'm not getting any shithead vibes off of him, and it's making me crazy, because I normally get shithead vibes, and I know he's like a sports rider,

a straight guy, he's never in a relationship, like he's gotta be an awful, awful fuckboy, bad person, right? Yeah, like Jesse, uh, like you can see Jesse just gets away with smiling and being cute and Jesse's super hot. Yeah. Like we see that Jesse, like Jesse will have a bad at it. Like that, that is coming. He's just getting a really good at it right now. But I like nothing is p being on my radar for West.

Like I actually like a door West like I'm like, I just like him more and more every episode. I think he's wonderful. And I like, I enjoy West and Sierra together. I think they're great. I mean, I've always felt like Sierra's like really pretty. And you know, she's nice, but I've never really found a way into like embracing her. But then this season she's just like, I felt like West has brought out a certain amount

of personality. Well, she actually brought her, I mean, every season, it's not because of a man that she showed more personality. She was showing personality before West, but like we're seeing different sides of her that I think are really endearing. I don't know, I'm like, I'm very into West. I think he's great.

All right. So we're both falling for it basically. Yeah. But I don't believe it, but I'm falling for it. Okay. So West is like, I was sad, I cried a little. And he talks about the wedding. He went to a wedding and he tells Paige you were a green suit and she's like, were you the best dancer? I'll bet you were the worst dancer. I mean, I'll bet you were the best dancer. People love a pokey mustache. I feel like if you're dancing without a mustache, people are just like, Ooh,

that guy's dancing in a green suit. But when you have a pokey mustache, people are like, wow, that's a wacky guy dancing in a green suit. He's like, yeah, I don't know who would have been better. Like, like, I was pretty much the best dancer. And by the way, did at any point over the past weekend, did Sierra murmur, I miss West so bad? And Paige is like, yes, actually she did it on Friday. And I was like, wow, we like didn't even get into the

weekend and it was like so soon that you said it. It's sort of like when I'm like, wow, it's only Friday. And I've already had to say, hey chicken, stop putting butter knives into the wall. Like it's only Friday and I've already had to say, hey chicken, stop putting butter knives into the wall. Like it's only Friday afternoon, I have to tell you this. Then we cut to Danielle and Gabby's car and Danielle's like, party wing woman, we're gonna party. Why aren't you partying right now?

We're gonna get some dick. Oh my God, we are so dicking today. I cannot wait to get, I just had dick. I literally just like, even when we pulled over right now, I got gas and dick, like at the same time. I've had so much dick this week. It's like insane. Like i'm totally dicked up We'd be my wing woman while I look for dick. Hey, we're gonna get you deck party We literally filled this mini cooper up with chevron with techron and by techron. I mean dick

This car runs on 100 dick and i'm so mega excited mega excited oh my god you're my wingwoman okay you have to be excited Gabby I did choose my octane and I chose 94 dicks 94 dicks hold on one second hold on Siri's trying to tell us the route okay we have to drive this for three miles and we get off at dick so she's like you gonna be my wingwoman and Gabby's like um can're going to be my wing woman. And Gabby's like, um, can someone do to me or do for me what I do for others? Because I like totally wing woman everyone else who's wing womaning me. Yeah. Uh, no one's wing womaning Gabby, but also we saw from last season that this is what this is Gabby like flirting with guys is like this.

So what sign are you disgusting? I already hate you. Don't even finish saying your sentence. I'm not gonna bother with him. He started to say an F. Like he started to make, he put his teeth on his lips like he was gonna say a word that started with F and I'm like not about F words right now in my life. So then Gabby's like, I'm a working girl and I have a job.

And my parents moved away to the great state of Texas and I had to go see them, which was disrespectful. I mean, Texas. Yeah. So now I'm back and I need to get into some mess. And like my sister has a boyfriend and that's like ruined my life because now my father's like obsessed with my relationship status. Like who are you talking to?

Why aren't you talking to more men? Maybe you should approach more men. Like literally the worst thing ever. And so Danielle's like, dick, that's the vibe, dick. So then we cut back to Sierra and she's telling them that she got her modeling contract signed. And Paige is like, that's amazing because you are literally the prettiest person

I've ever seen when there's not a mirror next to you. But still, good for you. Yeah, outside of me, you're the prettiest person I've ever seen. By the way, how long are those contracts for? Not to make things awkward, West, but she's gonna be traveling. And so Sarah's gonna be overseas

for like two years potentially, a few months here, a few months there. And Paige is like, that's so exciting. Almost as exciting as it will be to see Wes crying into his popcorn when you're gone. That's gonna be so great. Can't wait to talk about that in the bed. And he, Wes just talking about how Complex has emailed him

because he might get a job with Complex, which is funny because that's what the show is gonna give him. So it's like so much happening at one time and he might get it and he's talking, he's like, you know, getting laid off is so humbling because like I had like a super cool job and I thought I was going to get a job right away, but then I didn't. So now I'm like humbled. By the way, here is a problem with West. You mentioned that he has puffy bangs like a high schooler. Well, he was on Watch What Happens Live this week and he that he has puffy bangs like a high schooler. Well, he was on watch what happens live this week and he no longer has puffy bangs. He now has the middle part,

which is back from the nineties and is now like, Oh, the middle part is like I had puffy banks in high school, but now I'm in college. So I have a middle part. So he, his hair is on the timeline of a 19 year old essentially. Oh my god, I looked it up. Yeah, because the college kids are now doing middle parts. Oh god, can you just show me a picture? I don't want to have to watch the whole clip. Okay, he's come to his mustache. So it's not as pokey. So that's cute. I

think the middle part is definitely better. I like I don't like his middle part. I like his puffy bangs more than his middle part. He's so cute. I think he reads older than he is, which is why children's hair looks weird on him. But I do, I think the middle part is more dead wood and he's wearing like a seersucker-ish suit

on Watcher Happens Live with an ascot. Is he wearing an ascot? Okay, you know, there's some issues, but he's a little dead wood, which I think is hot. So, you know, I mean, he's good if you're like into like outhouses and gunslinging and stuff like that. But yeah, I mean, it's definitely better than the push forward.

A certain kink. So, the Mini Cooper- Yeah, than the push for a certain kink. So Dan, the Mini Cooper- Yeah, Deadwood for sure is a kink. The Mini Cooper arrives first, so Danielle and Gabby are arrived and like the fridge is funky and Danielle's like, the fridge smells, but honestly, this is not my department, but you know what it is?

And I thought, you probably thought I was gonna say wine, but I really meant dick. It's dick, it's dick. So then the Kia comes and the Kia of love, the Kia, the dreaded Kia, dun dun dun dun dun, comes down the driveway and it's Lindsay and Carl. And it's like, oh man, thank you for getting me here, thankfully.

You are most welcome. Wait, hold on, let me put the brakes. Yeah, oh, shift into park. Whoa, all right. Great, by the way. I know we can get out of the car now. Hey, what's up, everyone? What's up?

Hey, Wes, what's going on? Welcome back. Hey, everyone, I'm just like, happy Carl. Carl's happy today. Whoa, what's up, everyone? Hi. Hope Lindsay doesn't abuse me today, everybody. How's everybody doing?

And West is like, anybody need help getting their bag upstairs? I just don't trust him. Yeah, actually I think that was Carl who said that. I think I wrote down West, because we're sharing notes and it was Carl. So West didn't even offer. Well, it's more like-

Okay, then I trust West again, because that's like a real man. That's like a real guy. But Carl will be like, y'all, does anyone need any help with their bags? Any upstairs? Okay, all right, I'll bring them up, everyone. If anyone needs me, I'm gonna be logging bags up

for the next 45 minutes. Okay, cool, love to be in service. Have a good person. I'll be back. So he does that, and then Paige is like, oh, hi, Lansy. And she's like, I wonder if did anyone do anything exciting this week? I had so much fun.

My cardboard cutout even had a good time. Well, I don't know if you know this, but Paige, I mean, Danielle had an exciting night and Danielle's like, I don't kiss and tell. I had sex. I had sex with Dick. Dick was in me. Sex to Dick. Much sex. I had so much sex.

I'm still having it right now. Oh my God. Oh my God. It just came. It just came. Oh my God. Club send it. So now Kyle and Amanda arrives, which no one's excited about. And Carl is still bringing up bags. Like really anything to be away from Lindsay. And we have no justice.

Taking this pizza box upstairs. Okay. Just bringing this pizza box upstairs. Okay, just bring in the pizza box downstairs. Okay, I'm just carrying this grand piano up the stairs. I'll see you guys in a few hours. So now it's nighttime. Everyone's getting ready for dinner and everything. And Lindsay is like in Danielle's room asking some questions about fashion advice, whatever.

And Lindsay is like, you know, like, like fashion advice, whatever, and Lindsay is like, you know, things with me and Carl have been really good, and I dropped him off at the airport on Sunday, and he went to Ohio for golfing, so he was gone for a couple days. I'm just like, ah, this is what our relationship should be like, just not him there, and I don't need a lot of alone time,

but every now and then I could go for a few months, you know what I'm saying? Yeah Lindsay's like we're happy we're happy though we're happy and she goes yeah give me a chance to miss him um so how are you uh what about the guy that you slept with I don't think anybody believes that Danielle slept with some guy and I don't think it's that she can't sleep with the guy I mean mean, she's obviously gorgeous. She's just got such a desperation about her that. Exactly. So sad, she's just trying to fit in so hard, you know?

Like she just doesn't wanna talk about pie charts and taking trains from the city. She just wants to be one of the getting dick people. She's like, oh, I would do the same thing over again. The thing is, so I talked to my therapist and I'm like warming up the idea of going on dates, but it's like not Oh, I would do the same thing over again. The thing is, so I talked to my therapist and I'm like warming up the idea of going on dates, but it's like not on my mind. You know, I love the hustle that I'm in, you know, the hustle of starting an app about fashion that's never going

to go anywhere. And I just don't want to go into distraction mode. And besides the couples in the house, I mean, you included no offense, are not making me want to jump into a relationship. Okay. And the house, I mean, you included, no offense, are not making me want to jump into a relationship, okay? And it's like, mm-hmm, well, everyone's on their own journey. It's like, yeah, and you know what I'm on a journey of? It's like a cobblestone street made of dick, and that's all I care about. Driving over dicks, driving into dicks,

potholes full of dicks, dicks hitting my windshield and then getting in my eye. Oh, I got a dick in my eye, almost crashed because I had so much dick, you know what I mean? I feel like I'm back, baby. And Lindsay's like, uh-huh, Lindsay is so bored, but Lindsay's like trying to hold up her end of the, like, I'll check on you and you check on me.

She's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. Lindsay could not hide it in her face. That's what cracks me up. She's just like, uh-huh, so how about this guy that you're seeing? Like, she's hide it in her face. That's what cracks me up. She's just like, uh-huh, so how about this guy that you're seeing? She's not believing it at all. And as Danielle just does her dick monologue,

Lindsay is literally like, this is why I never asked this girl anything. I know. So then later, everyone's still getting dressed for dinner and Carl's in the bathroom doing his hair and Lindsay's changing her top and she's in her baby voice and she's like, Meeb, I don't like when I have to dress up and I don't feel good.

And he's like, Oh, I'm sorry. You look beautiful. But you don't look blah. Oh, I can't wait for this to break up. Me too. I need it. I really need it. So, um So then Sierra and West are playing a game. Oh, that's correct. Yeah. She's like, I want to play this game. I've seen, have you heard it? You say the same word.

And he's like, yeah, I saw it on TikTok. She's like, yeah, me too. It's me. All right, all right, all right. Okay, here we go. Okay. One, two, three. Later. Food.

One, two, three. Kia Sport. Harmony. One, two, three. Bonfire. Kite. One, two, three. Kite. Smegma. One, two, three. Appleskin.

One, two, three, I was going one, two, three, potatoes, Lamborghini at a symbol. We're getting close. We're getting close. So what are you supposed to do? Like you get along with, you can find the same word. That point is you're supposed to get closer and closer and closer together. I actually have like a, I have a little game that's like this,

which is so fun. Cause when you actually do it, it's like the best feeling in the world But and I guess in this version Everyone says something that both people say something at the same time and then you're trying to like sort of get closer and closer and closer Until you say the same word at the same time Yeah, I'm bored so then I'm a mad does like We've been there and after therapy, things are so much better with Kyle. Oh really?

This week Amanda had some thing, some video come out and I think Us Magazine or one of those. And she's like, okay Us Magazine, here's the 10 most ick things about Kyle. His mullet, his face, his… She just started listing all the things she hates about Kyle. I mean, I think that she's leaning into… I saw a theory on Reddit that I think makes a lot of sense that she is doing it because Paige does it with Craig, like Paige negs Craig all the time and it's funny and cute. And so she thinks she's being funny and cute,

but it's just not. She's like, you're mostly abusing your alcoholic husband. And it's just not, like she didn't mean for it to land like this, but the audience hates it, but she thinks it's being hilarious. So she's like, I'm gonna do 10 things that are the ickyest about Kyle. It's like, oh no, man, it's just such a misbehave.

Come on. That is such a good call. I think so too. I love you, Reddit. So she says, she has this great revelation. I think Kyle and I will have to make strides to meet each other in the middle. Oh, really?

That's what a wild thing to consider. So she's like, we're both hard headed. And obviously nothing's working out, because that is what a wild thing to consider. So she's like, we're both hard headed. Nothing's working out because that is such a Pat thing to say, you know? We went to therapy, so we're gonna meet in the middle because we're both hard headed. So I'm gonna listen to him and he's gonna listen to me. Okay, okay.

Really, you really needed Dana Pam to come into your apartment to tell you to meet in the middle. So now they head out to the club and they actually get to go inside the club, which is super weird to film. It's amazing. Yeah. And they're just, they're having fun. Kyle's having a great time. Carl's dancing. Um, Wes is asking Gabby if she's on the prowl and she's like, she is.

She's like excited. There's like more people that seem to be closer to their age, um, which is more like actually you're just getting older. Unfortunately, you're just rising up to the age of the people partying at that club. And, um, they're just like, uh, they're just like toasting to Gabby and they just want Gabby to have a booty call like to pull a Jesse Solomon. Yeah. So then Paige is talking about how in love Sierra is. And Lindsay, meanwhile, is asking West how it's going

with Sierra. And he's like, you know, it's a slow burn. It's a slow, I'm trying, but it's a slow burn. And she's like, do you think it's going to go past the summer? Are you going to get married? Are you going to have babies? Should we have babies at the same time? This is going to be so amazing.

I'm getting married. How many sandwiches have you made, Sierra? And he's like, yeah. And she's like, well, what's the hesitation? And he's like, well, you know, she signed a modeling contract. It's a big life achievement and a relationship. You know, like everything's going to be different. You know, she signed a modeling contract. It's a big life achievement and a relationship, you know, like everything's to be different. You know, she'll leave the country a lot.

And, you know, I'm always going to look for an excuse to get out of anything that resembles a commitment. So, yeah, just that. So, Damien was like, I'm going to try and find single guys for Gabby. Are you single? Are you single? Are you single? Are you single? Calling dad.

Uh, so then Paige, Danielle and Kyle are talking, uh, outside and they're toasting each other and Danielle's like, I love us. And Kyle goes, yeah, you know, I'll say the summer's been a bit of a fresh year. I think the vibes of summer are easily good vibes, but I'm not gonna lie, I wish the crowd would be up here more often, Paige. This is Kyle now trying to stir the pot, which ultimately Danielle messes up

because then she's the one, Danielle should have just stayed out of it in this fight or in this scene because this would have incurred Paige's wrath towards Kyle, but she inserts herself later on. So, Paige is like, yeah, like me too, I wish Craig were here. I love him, he's like my friend.

Just your friend? No, you idiot. I'm saying that like I love him, and I think of him as like, I'm like, that's my friend. I can't wait to talk to him, like that's my friend, you know? Like, what don't you get? That you fuck. Yes, yes.

Like Danielle or Kyle, neither one of them gets this concept at all. She's like, I'm trying to say, it's like the most romantic thing in the world, because like I'm in love with my best friend. And Danielle's like, disgusting. Kyle's like, that's gross. Why you wanna fuck your best friend?

Why do you wanna have conversations with a person who's your life partner? I don't wanna fuck Carl. Yeah, you know, the only thing I worry about is that like when he was up here two weeks ago, it was like the first time I picked up on a little uncertainty and he's just like, dude, I'm no longer like, we wanna get engaged because I don't know what Paige wants.

And he like, you don't feel like you're stringing him along. Come on, join us in the misery pit. Come on, Paige. Yes, so it's messy, but she knows by now what he's doing, you know? So she was like, Well, I know I'm going to marry him, but it's going to be on my terms. And if that's not okay, then okay, then it's not okay. And Danielle's like, um, yeah, because you have his balls on a fucking mantle. I mean, there's something holding you back and I just don't know what it is. So I'm just going to keep it real with you.

And Paige goes, Uh huh. Great. Great. Yeah, I can't wait to can't know what it is. So I'm just gonna keep it real with you. And Paige goes, uh-huh, great, great. Yeah, can't wait. Do that. Can't wait to hear it. Can't wait for the girl who mortified herself on Wonder House to keep it real with me. Like go on. I can't wait to hear what the girl, the real girl says who's talked about all the dick she got

in the past two days when everybody knows that's a lie. Go ahead. Can't wait for the girl who's been on this show for eight years and hasn't leveled up beyond the Mini Cooper has to say. Go on, go on. Can't wait for the girl who's been on this show for eight years and hasn't leveled up beyond the Mini Cooper has to say. Go on, go on. Can't wait to hear what the girl has to say who tried to stalk her boyfriend in Aspen

and got dumped again on a ski slope with a hamburger bun probably thrown at her head out of a restaurant of the snack bar that he's working at. Can't wait to hear what the girl who spent all the season floating alone on an inner tube in the pool late at night with no one to talk to wonder what theory she has to say. Oh, last weekend I sat and stared at that hot tub and I

thought I wonder what that girl with hot dogs on her face is thinking about my relationship. I just hope that when you weren't here last weekend, Danielle, you were able to find some sort of body of water, maybe a bathtub, maybe just a trash can and could sit there alone like you normally do. So go on, tell us, tell us the insight. Here's me being real, I think you've given him nothing.

She's like, I've literally given him a fraction of a closet. I don't know what you're talking about. And that's exactly my point. I accessorized him. That's more than I've ever given anyone else. She's like, you actually think this is a forever guy? Or are you gonna be this bad ass bitch

who's doing her own thing and you're just like, he's just good for right now? I love that Danielle, you see, this is Danielle how she really thinks. She wants to be like, I'm not even thinking about a guy. You know what I'm thinking? Just dick, dick, dick. But then she's like, Oh, what are you just like a bad ass feminist? Or are you a partner? Which is it Paige?

Are you saying you haven't just like given your entire life over to a man? That's wild. Cause that is Danielle's, that's what we've seen her in these. And she was in a relationship with a guy who was an Aspen who was in the Hamptons and she moved everything for, she moved everything and conceded everything for this guy. We've seen her like, you know, like basically like what's I'm trying to, I can't think of the words like basically within Winterhouse, she sent, just gives up all of her herself just to go after someone like Alex.

She takes herself out of the equation. I think that's what I'm trying to say. And then she's like, wow, Paige, I can't believe you actually want to keep yourself in the equation and make your decisions the most important decisions in your life. Yeah, it's weird. It's sad because it's like a desperation thing. And you know, like we make fun of people on this show,

but I actually genuinely like all the people on the show right now. Like there's no one that I hate on the show. I like them all as people. I think they're nice. Even Danielle, you know, she's like misguided and stuff, but I feel bad for her at times like this cause it's so sad. Like she's so beautiful and so smart and she's just such a twit because she's so desperate for a man.

And like, I think ultimately as someone who gets insecure in relationships and stuff like that, I know what that attracts, you know what I mean? So I know where I'm coming from on this one. And I think it just attracts horrible people. And I think even if you do attract a good one, when you're always acting out of insecurity like that, it's just not attractive. And people don't want to stay with that. Sorry. So you're gonna have to get some confidence, babe. Like, and no one can do that but you. I don't know how you're gonna do it, but I don't know. You know that page just staring at her and it's like, what part of me having to fly a regional airline

to Charleston every two weeks is me not giving something? I have to wear a flower print down there. But also like- I hung out with Shep. I had to eat pheasant that shot with tiny bones at a table with an OK gay. My boyfriend puts me in situations where I am eating buckshot and I'm still with him. I know. I think that what Danielle is failing to realize here is that the reason why they have not gotten engaged or anything like that is Because their success is regionally tied up to where they are living and it's just like it's a it's a big issue

it's a big problem and someone's gonna have to make a major major major sacrifice and they just Don't want to make that sacrifice yet so they're just kind of kicking it down the road which I think is totally valid and that for Danielle to make that sacrifice yet? So they're just kind of kicking it down the road, which I think is totally valid and that for Danielle to perceive that as Paige not giving Craig anything Why does Craig deserve anything by the way beyond what Paige has already given him pay it Craig has proven to himself proven to be a largely irresponsible person who lucked into a pillow thing he literally carved a hole into his wall

once and he built this new house and when they show footage of his new house there's already a window that has cardboard over it so like I'm not even joking. I know it's funny I forgot about that. So like I also don't like that it's always like why aren't you doing anything for them and I'm like even joking. I know, it's funny, I forgot about that. So like- But I also don't like that it's always like, why aren't you doing anything for the man? Like, why isn't he moving? Why isn't the question, Craig, why aren't you moving your ass to New York? Cause Craig's saying, well, I have a store, please.

You have a fucking national pillow. You are not sitting there sewing all those pillows. Stop it. Yes. Everybody knows that you're not, but your friend is running that whole damn business and you're getting a person, and I'm not dissing what he does. Like, I know that it's a business. It's cool what he's built. But you don't have to be there every day at that store.

You could move just as easily as she could move. Yeah, and also, honestly, when you watch the show, you can see that Craig is like head over heels in love with Paige. Like the way that anytime she's talking, he just like stares and smiles at her just on the side. He's like everything she says. He just like loves it.

He loves all her little jokes and observations. He loves when like she's friends with his friends. Like he just beams all the time. And so for Danielle to say, oh, page, you're not giving enough. When this man his his love tank is like overflowing. She's giving the exact right amount. Yeah. Agreed. Okay, so, you know, there's also probably jealousy, kind of tied up in all of this and all that jealousy, cheating and whatever else. So Paige is like I was trying to do outcasts, but I only remembered two words of the list from that song.

So I failed. There was no cheating. So Paige says, you know what? Danielle stands on a very moral high ground that she can tell everyone when they're making the wrong decision or acting poorly. But then when you turn the mirror over, what does she see?

A Mini Cooper and a hot tub for one, okay? I've watched her do it to every single girl that I've ever lived with. Yeah. Yeah, good luck. Good luck with that one, Danielle. So now Amanda flashes her boob to Kyle outside because you know they're getting along for one day.

And they're like, oh my God, this is so fun. did you catch that girl who saw it? Yes in the background. She was like shaking her head like oh my god that girl just flashed her boob. We are in the Hamptons. Am I supposed to be laughing at this? I'm kind of laughing. I don't know if I'm supposed to be laughing. I'm mortified because I'm in the Hamptons but I also love it. Where am I? Who am I right now? Am I right now? Am I right now? Amanda, get yourself together. So, um, uh, then, so a page is, they, they go home and they, they all like, you know, it's the usual thing.

They just like, Cappy like walks over and like tries to flop over onto the sofa, but she's drunk. So she like sort of tumbles over and lands onto the coffee table. It was very Christen Doty. And then she falls again. She falls off her chair. And Kyle goes, Gabby, you make sitting down look hard. And upstairs in the fiance room, Lindsay is like, my poor little baby feet.

Oh, it's okay, tootsies. You'll love to fight another day. And then he kisses her toes. You know, I want Lindsay to be happy, but not on television. I need Lindsay to only be miserable on television. I hate watching Lindsay be happy on TV. It's so gross. Has she ever been in a relationship

where it's not gross, ever? I'm not sure I would be this is happy. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, This is not happy. I'm not sure I would be this is happy. This is not happy. This is not Lindsay being happy. This is Lindsay being like, Oh my God, I have to do baby boys for this guy. So then now Amanda and Kyle are in their room and Amanda's like, Kyle, this is the last night you're allowed to stay up this late in your life. Kyle. Wow. I can't believe you're my to stay up this late in your life, Kyle." I said, wow. I can't believe you're my wife.

You were partying tonight. You haven't done this for two years. Wow. And then he's like, yeah, man, I'm going hard at the club tonight. Clearly that is for me, but it also reminds me what a good team we are. You're not a team. You're shit faced together, dude. You've got gotta separate that.

You're happy with her because you're drunk all the time and you want someone to be shit faced with. You have to have more than that if you're gonna have a long term relationship, sir, okay? You can't just be wasted all the time raising your baby. Of course, like I said in the last recap, I was kind of raised like that. But then look at me, I'm a fucking mess.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Fix it. You look great by the way. So Wes tries to have sex with Ciara. She's like, no. And they all go to sleep. So the morning everyone's waking up and Paige like of course goes right into Amanda's bed

to gossip. She's like, okay, gossip sash, okay. Okay, are we ready to talk? Wait, hold on one second second Carl's in the kitchen. Let's let Carl talk one second Hey, good morning. Oh, hi Good morning. Everyone who wants good berries. Good morning. Good morning. Good morning and Gabby So Gabby had she was happy because she, well, she was happy because she thought she got

a phone number at the club, but it was just a gay guy. Yeah. Daniel's like, I've got so many numbers, so much deck. Like, it's crazy. I woke up sleeping on deck. It's crazy. I woke up, my comforter was made out of deck. Yeah.

And tonight we're having an out of this world party and like all things extraterrestrial, like aliens, single men, ambassadors from the planet. Dick! So Danielle and Carl are talking and she's asking how he's doing. And he's like, uh, me and Lucy are in a good place. Like the last few weeks have been like really good,

mostly because we haven't been talking to each other real. So glad you and Lindsay are in a good place. I mean, that's good. Like you're coming to our wedding. I'm so fucking happy about that. Cause you know I love you. You know I love you, right? Like if Lindsay lets me.

Yeah. But before that happens, Lindsay has an announcement to make, which is that Guys, I have a guy coming in for whoever wants him and his name is Balloon Guy. Balloon Guy Joe. Alright, alright. So Balloon Guy Joe, he's like really hot. Spotted him, he was blowing up balloons at our house and he's hot. May not have had a bath in about a few months

but he's all yours guys, so Danielle and Gabby made the best single-year-old win. Joe is frightening and this is what happens when you are the single one around people who are obsessed with not being single. They just get gross people off the side of the road and they're like, here, have this one. He's single.

And Paige goes, oh yeah, that guy, he's cute in like a grunge sort of way, which is my way of saying absolutely disgusting, 1000% no. I'm only saying the word grunge because I'm not allowed to say homeless anymore and I forgot the substitute word for that. Is it ungrunged, unhoused?

That's what it is. That guy is totally unapartmented. Am I allowed to say that? No, he seems great for, um, someone who may be a murderer. I'm just saying that it has nothing to do with this housing situation. I'm just saying he has murder in his eyes. He loves balloons too much. Okay. I'm going saying that. It has nothing to do with this housing situation. I'm just saying he has murder in his eyes. He loves balloons too much. Okay, I'm gonna see my way out of this.

Yeah, he's gross. So people are swimming. I'm sorry, I skipped a lot. I didn't realize. So people are swimming and Amanda's like, I'm going on a float. So West and Amanda and Paige are floating around and West is like,

so would you guys bang on the first date when you were single? And Amanda's like, no, I would wait until the second or third day and then on the fourth day I would say, come on. You gotta like ask me out before you stick it in this jukebox and then when you stick it in the jukebox you hear my favorite album.

Hey Amanda, I'd like to play a track F31. Okay, Kyle. Kyle! So, Wes is like, well, I mean, I get like, it's not the first night, but I'm on weekend six. And he's only been on two dates though, which is very Carl. I'm surprised Paige didn't bring that up.

Like, were they Wednesday dates? You need to try harder. So she's like, are you nervous that you've been friend-zoned? And he's like, I mean, by now we've usually met at home. Just gonna say. Do you want to cry? Are you embarrassed? Just give us something. We need to talk in the bed soon.

So just give us a little material. Okay. For our little gossip sash. So it's like, you know, like obviously we're more than friends, but like after a while, like this could be a reason for it. Like she's never told me she's told me she's never dated anyone younger than 35 or something. And not only am I seven years younger than everyone, like I also don't have a job. So it's like a, it's a little, it's a little in the back of my head for sure. I'm like, well, I guess it's like,

he's got the height thing going against him. He's got the jobless thing going against him. He's got the young thing going against him. It's gonna take a while. It's gonna take a while to seal this deal. Yeah. So Danielle is now, so now Danielle and Carl are talking. She's like, oh my God, somebody goes there texting me.

I don't even know how they're texting, texting so much. Like does Dick text? Look, it's crazy. Hey, by the way, uh, you're a limoncello can matches your bathing suit. So congrats. You look like a soda can right now. Amazing. So they talk about Lindsay and then she was talking about the club and she's

like, it was nice seeing you have fun at the club because last summer you weren't like allowing yourself to let your hair down, but now you seem like you're so happy, you know, and you don't need to be drinking to have the best time with a bunch of drunk people. Right. And he's like, Oh yeah, I guess so. You saw the non-alcoholic Loverboy, right? Cause I've been thinking long and hard over the past week. Um, and I tried them and then I was like, maybe there's a world where I do something like this

with Kyle cause he's like low key been trying to get me back. That sounds like he's really been thinking long and hard. So I was like, maybe there's a world. So Carl's like, yeah, like I think having like seven or eight months away from it now I feel like it's been like one of the best things for me and like, you know If you if I do want to do something with this like we need to like sit down and like figure this out with them You know, I'm saying yeah, and she's like, have you talked to Lindsey about it? Oh

Honestly No, no, I haven't talked to Lindsey about it. Why would I talk to my fiance about my job prospects? That's scary, I don't wanna do it. I don't wanna go home. I wanna go to Barry's, I'm going to Barry's everyone. Bye, bye, it was a great talk. It was a great talk. No, and we find out, you know, here comes Carl,

here he comes everybody, watch out. He's like 100%, I'm very weird about telling Lindsay about any career opportunity. And we see why, because he said he wanted to open a sober bar and she did not approve of investing all of their money in a brick and mortar bar without liquor. Now, babe, she's not saying she doesn't want you to work.

She's saying she doesn't want to invest all of her money in a bar without booze. That's a stupid idea. So stop acting like, oh my God, I'm trying so hard. It's just that Lindsay isn't supportive of me. It's such bullshit and it makes me crazy. And here he goes again, peddling this narrative that he would be doing this and this and this

if he just had some respect from Lindsay. Find a better idea, get a fucking job. Getting a job isn't just spending everybody's money until you're broke, babe. Yeah, everyone's like, poor sweet girl, poor sweet. Oh, he's just so, he's so gentle. Someone, uh, somewhere online, I don't know what platform, but somewhat, you know, people have been saying like, you know, like just because Carl's sober, like we don't have to treat him like this little delicate little child.

Someone's been saying it. I've been saying it. You've been saying that many people have been saying it too. And like, I know this is going to be sort of like a weird comp because people don't want to talk about this lady right now with Bravo because she's turned her back on it. But Leah McSweeney, she went sober for her second season on New York. And I can say with authority that no one treated Leah McSweeney with the same sort of like, oh, she's sober now. Oh yeah, she's making choices. She just, everyone was like, fuck you, Leah McSweeney. Like she had it like,

I'm not, she and Carl are different people. But the point is this, there were no kid gloves with Leah McSweeney, but with Carl, we're all like, oh, Carl. And like, obviously he's gone through some like dark shit in his life. There's been tragedy in his life. But like at the same time, at a certain point, it's like, we can't treat him like a little boy, you know? And so now he's like, oh, well, I'm fantasizing because it's a man. It's a tall, cute, he's like, I was a, I was a fuck boy, but now I'm reformed. I'm a good little boy now.

Yeah. And that's good. You know, all the changes he's made in his life, I think it's not easy what he's done. And I think all that's great. I'm not talking about all of that. I'm not talking about his sobriety at all. I'm talking about his shit head nature in this relationship and setting somebody else up

like they're a fucking emotional terrorist. Lindsay's a crazy person. We all know it. We have all seen it for years and years. She's not nice. She's not like the easiest. She's not going to pat you and give you a hug and stuff like that. And if you really think you're going to sit down with Lindsay and give her some stupid idea

to spend all your all's money and that she's just going to be like, Oh, let's do it honey, just to support you. That's not who you're with. You're with fucking Lindsay. She's going to tell you it's stupid. Okay. That's just how it is. Her vows, if she writes them, if she writes them herself, her vows are going to be like you it's stupid. That's just how it is. Her vows, if she writes them herself, her vows are going to be like, you're stupid.

You haven't washed your white pants in 10 years, but I love you anyway. Let's do it, you hairy-backed motherfucker. That's who you're marrying. So she tells us that, yeah, he's very gun-shy about telling Vinzi about any career opportunity. Poor Carl. And he goes, no, I almost have to think about it so hard

before I tell her just to like prepare myself that what she's going to ask back, you know, especially when it comes to like going back to work for Loveboy because last summer, working at Loveboy was a huge source of stress in our relationship and like making myself happy and also getting her approval, that can be challenging. It's like, well, you shouldn't have to think hard

to be able to answer rudimentary questions about what the plan is and have you like, all you have to do is think things through and consider things. And that's just part of like embarking on a career decision. It's not about like, what you're feeling now is the tough work of making an adult decision. It's not because of Lindsay, Lindsay's asking, was probably gonna ask reasonable questions about like, what's the pay? What's this gonna be like? What is this plan? What about that? What happens if you and Kyle get into another argument on the reality show that we're on? What do you think about for that? And he's like, oh man, I have to think about

all these answers for her. It's like, dude. But also he's saying like, well Lindsay, I'm gonna have trouble because this caused problems in our relationship. It caused problems in your relationship because of what you were going back home and telling Lindsay about your job when you were fucking up at your job and saying, I'm the one who's doing all the work over here.

Kyle doesn't do anything and he expects me to travel over all over the country selling this booze. He doesn't do anything. I do all the work. I don't get paid enough. So Lindsay stuck up for you and said he should be getting a percentage of this. He's a celebrity doing appearances every night. He shouldn't just be getting a percentage.

He should also be getting appearance fees or whatever she was doing. She was standing up for him saying, he should have a piece of the pie if they're expecting a celebrity to go around and use a celebrity to sell this booze. She was doing that in his defense. And now he's turning it like,

oh, she just didn't like me working for Kyle. And that's, that was the problem in the whole place. So now he's going to go work for Kyle. He's going to get a percentage of whatever he sells and be a partner in this soda. And he's going to get everything that Lindsay fought for him to get next year and then still villainize her and act like he's a fucking hero who made this great business decision. Watch. Yeah. And people are going to take the credit and people will say, Oh,

there's Ben and Ronnie going out of no, going out of their way to make sure Lindsay is not the bad guy in this situation. It's like, no, Lindsay is inherently already a problem. She's already like, this is not someone that Carl should be with for sure. But we're just saying Carl contributes to this situation too. Let's just not act like Carl is Mr. Innocent here and that Lindsay is the only one causing the decay in this relationship. Carl is undermining this relationship in his own sneaky ways. So now they're decorating for the party and getting their alien costumes on, their astronaut costume.

And Paige is like, I'm legitimately so tired, I'm gonna cry. And Amanda's like, should we get in the bed? So they run to the bed. They run to the bed, while everyone else is working and jump in. So Wes dresses up like a green alien, which is like this green bodysuit with the alien head.

And then Sierra's like hanging out with the girls in the bed and they're like, Oh my God, she sees us under the covers. She's like, yeah, I do. And so then, um, Paige is like, so by the way, West was basically crying to us today about you. Yeah. He's like, really? Yeah.

He's basically like, Sierra doesn't want to have sex with me. Sierra is going to be a model. Sierra is going to go to Europe. Sierra thinks I should part my hair down the middle. Things like that. And meanwhile, he's dressed like an alien and crawling in and listening to everything they say. And Amanda's like,

yeah, first he has to support the kind of girls who sleep with guys on their first date. And Wes is like, boo! She's like, ah! Oh my God, that scared the shit out of me, not because I didn't see you, it's just like, you're just so un-stylish right now. That was horrifying for me.

So then he leaves. They're like, oh my God, he is so wacky. And so Sierra's like, yeah, whatever. He does not have the right to just have my body whenever he wants it. And I'm not hopping into bed with anybody unless they can say how they feel about me. And I love it.

Yeah, it's great. She's like- It's nice to hear, especially on this show. I know, especially after she endured the terrors of Austin that now she's realizing her self-worth and her body and everything. And she's like, this is what I want. And you can't put your quarter in my jukebox

until you have established that that quarter is a real quarter. So- Yeah, and I think she has a good point of like, everybody, like nobody has any problem just fucking the second they see each other. And that's like more vulnerable, that's making yourself more vulnerable than conversation.

But when it comes to just saying, I like you, people act like it's the hardest thing they've ever done. It's like, we've got it so backwards now, we really do. You know, it's gone too, it's gone too far. It's like, you can't tell me you like me. You literally just came on my shirt. You can't say you like me. I just saw your wiener.

I mean, these aliens coming to this party are going to be like, what's up with humans? They've got it backwards. So now they're decorating and everything. And then, um, Joe, Joe, the balloon guy has arrived. Lindsay's like, Joe, Joe, where'd you come from? Are you doing balloons? Joe? He's like, yeah, I'm doing balloons. And then Danielle is like, oh, Danielle, okay. So Danielle has put on a tinfoil hat because of the space theme to be jokey. And she's like, she sees there's fresh dick

and she doesn't even care if she has tinfoil on her head. She's just like, hi, I'm Danielle. Nice to meet you. Hi, hi, hi. Do you have a dick? Do you have a dick? Because I love dick. Yeah, Danielle literally goes, oh my God,

is that balloon guy? Hi balloon guy. Hi balloon guy, I'm dick. Yeah, Daniel literally goes, oh my God, it's that balloon guy, hi balloon guy. Hi balloon guy, I'm Daniel. Duck, duck, dick delivery. Do you have a tip section when I sign for this? Dick delivery. Lindsay's like, Gabby, come over here. Joe the balloon guy's here.

Gabby's like, no. You know Gabby is way too good for this, right? She's like, balloon guy Joe is, balloon Joe is very attractive. Backwards hat, the muscles, blowing up balloons, it's all very good and I'm assuming he uses condoms then because that's the same materials. But I cannot meet this man like this.

And if we're going to tell people years from now, our first meeting, it's not going to be that I met him sweaty and exhausted and setting up for a party, okay? I've seen screenshots of me in high school that looked better than the way I look right now. I had braces then. Yeah, she's not interested in this guy.

I don't believe it. And meanwhile, it just cuts to show like, what did daddy came for a hat there? Yeah, it was fucking hard, right? So then inside everybody's getting in their costumes still and guess who shows up? It's Chris. It's Chris, everybody.

Hold for applause, it's Chris. He's like, what up, ladies? What up? I was like, oh, geez, Chris. And he hugs Paige and she's like, oh, hi. And she looks up the side like, I thought we got rid of this guy already. Oh God.

She is so disinterested. She's more disinterested than Lindsay having to hear a story from Danielle. Right, so Danielle goes to the bar with Joe. She's like, oh, I'm gonna get you a drink. And he's like, I don't like spicy and I don't like alcohol. I don't like spicy and alcohol together. And she's like, um, really? And I think Gaby's like, um, I don't like spicy and I don't like alcohol. I don't like spicy and alcohol together. And she's like, um, really?

And I think Gabby's like, um, yeah, I don't like spicy at all. So spice is disgusting. A spice can die. Oh yeah. By the way, Joe, this is, this is Gabby. She's my wig woman. I don't know who her wing woman is though. It's supposed to be you bitch. I don't know. I didn't is though. It's supposed to be you bitch. I don't know. I don't hear that dick dick dick and Just like yeah, I'm glad to see the blue tailed up out here. Yeah, I like the arch. I think I like that arch All right. Yeah, I ain't gonna pull my own horn but toot toot or like we like to say in the balloon biz Squeak squeak you get it cuz it's a balloon. I just made a fucking I just made a fucking sound of me making a poodle balloon it's fucking awesome man these

balloons you ever seen a balloon that looks so good look at this look at this UFO okay you got a inflatable UFO laser tag place but you know what that is that's just one big balloon if you really fucking think about it so meanwhile Cierra's manager Derek is there and he's like, hey, Wes, what's your intentions with Sierra? Okay, like, because a lot of guys want to date Sierra. I mean, she's beautiful. She hasn't had a relationship in a super long time. I just want to make sure your intentions are good.

I mean, like, I'm not her father, but I feel like I took on that responsibility as her manager. So what's going on? I'm like, sir, you're, came in out of nowhere and trying way too hard to have a scene right now. Yeah, I agreed. It was like back off, buddy.

But also he's like talking to a hot bear. So he's like, you better listen here, you sexy motherfucker. Okay? I do not want you hurting Ciara. And if you do hurt her, you better hurt me next. I'm going to have to punish you. You are hot. Please. Rawr. So then Derek, oh yeah. So then Derek's

like, yeah, everybody wants to date her, but she's going to be traveling. Okay. And I'm her manager. So then Lindsay's like, oh my God, show the balloon guy. He's like, Lindsay, the balloon loving girl. She's like, yeah, do that thing where you squeak like a balloon dog again. He's like, squeak, squeak, get it. She's like, oh my God, I totally get it. And girls, who wants to show the balloon guy? Anybody? I'm like literally living by carousel

to Danielle right now. Carl, can you blow up a balloon? Oh yeah, but I actually was thinking about blowing. Do you want like a round balloon or a long balloon? Cause I was thinking like long balloon and I don't know. I've just been like, I'm like a little scared to tell you that, but like I just really want to blow up. I was like, Carl, just blow up a balloon already.

So. I'm a long balloon, but I'm terrified that Lindsay's going to hate me if I don't get the correct balloon. I'm just such a scared little boy. Last summer I blew up a long balloon and it popped. And like ever since then, like I just feel like now it's like after like get ready to tell Lindsay, like she's gonna ask questions

and I need to prepare for the questions. It's just like a lot. It's like it's like so much more than getting her approval. It's hard. I'm a scar. It's like basically a balloon abuse by Lindsay. I don't wanna call it abuse, but like I'll leave it up to you guys to label it

in the comments right down below. Hey, like and subscribe and comment down below if you think Lindsay is abusing me with animal balloons. So then Danielle and Lindsay are like patting hands. They're sort of like doing like a weird kind of like a high five thing. That sort of turns into like a scissoring thing. And Joe's like, Oh, what's this? Is this a secret handshake? I know nothing about what's going on here. Oh my God. Oh, oh I hate can I get in there with

my egg we do a three-way with the scissoring there hey it's pretty good hey you know what fun fact I can make a balloon animal that looks like it's doing just this thing right here so then page is talking to Gabby with Amanda and she's like so where's Danielle um telling someone their life choices are stupid and Gabby's like um she's over there fleeting, flirting with that balloon guy. Like, why don't you talk to him? She's, I did talk to him, but she's swooping in on balloon guy. Oh my God. Can we please stop trying to make balloon guy happen? You know, whoever hooks up with balloon guy,

you're both going to wake up tomorrow and be like, Eww she fucked balloon guy. When guys definitely a character from Sex and the City, it's like I couldn't help but wonder about slumming it with the balloon guy. You know, he has a one episode arc. So Lindsay comes in and says, can I fit? And Amanda's like, if it fits, it's lit. So it's huh.

So Lindsay's like, so Gabby, did you meet Balloon Guy? And Paige is like, no, because Danielle is all over it. Lindsay's like, well, you got to move back like God damn it. Lindsay's like, well, you got to swoop back. Like, God damn it, Big Abbey. Like, get up and swoop. Come on, do it, my little girl. Swoop. And she's like, um, what's not going to happen is me and Danielle fighting over someone who blows up balloons. OK, as a hobby.

We've been there before. She's so funny to me. And then they cut to, I forgot this, that they dated the same guy. That was their storyline that she had been cheated on, Gabby had been cheated on, and Danielle was the girl that she got cheated on with. Yeah, she's like, I'm not gonna go to this place again,

especially with a guy who blows up balloons be one thing if he's a banker but not a balloon guy so So Lindsay's like Lindsay takes Gabby by the hand and brings her over to Joe essentially And then that just leaves Paige and Amanda back on the where they were sitting and Paige goes back to basics back to us Which I thought was so funny just like the old lady and the new girl gone just be honest again So she's like, I'm gonna be a hundred percent honest last night at the club I went outside with Kyle and Danielle and she grilled the fuck out of me

She was like Craig gives you everything and you give Craig nothing and I just let it go But if we're looking on paper, you have no job and no boyfriend, and I have a job and a boyfriend. So, like, I don't know what you're telling me I should change in my life, but I have the two most important things in life on Bravo. A boyfriend and a job. Okay, so.

I've been on Access Hollywood talking about fashion, so I don't know what she's talking about. She's been on No Access Omaha. So Paige is like, yeah, she's very quick to tell everyone how they should be living their lives and what they're doing in their lives and what she finds to be wrong and what they should change.

And I feel like Danielle is foaming at the mouth to say anything about Carl and Lindsay, but she can't because she knows what happened last year. So she's like, who can I pick apart now? And like, here I am. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were gonna keep going. No, that's where it ends.

That's where it ends. It's ending with a devastating silence. The best part of all of this was when she went, I'm starting to see what everybody else saw. I'm starting to be on Lindsay's side from last summer. I'm starting to see what Lindsay was saying. And I was like, thank you. That's all I wanted.

Like this is literally all I live for is when someone's like, Ronnie, you're right. Thank you. I'm television's Paige Disorvo. I would just like to say, Ronnie Karam, I love you and you're correct. Thank you, thank you. It was my fucking birthday today.

I'm like finding validation up and down the shore. So thank you very much. Love you. It was my fucking birthday today. I'm like finding validation up and down the shore So thank you very much. Love you. I've liked and I have subscribed Thank you. Um, meanwhile Gabby is now having a moment to flirt with the balloon Joe and she's like you want a shot He's like yeah, do you want a shot? I was waiting for you to ask me but I didn't you I didn't want seen bushy We already took a shot together. Yeah, well, what are you waiting for? You're acting like you're not gonna say yes. She's like, this is the worst decision I ever made in my life.

I love the complete disdain she treats love interests with. She's like, do you want a shot or not? So back to Amanda and Paige, Amanda's like, yeah, well, you know what? Danielle's very passionate about her opinion and her opinion is like the only opinion. And Paige is like, yeah, please call Lindsay and get her back here and like take her friend.

Cause like we made a mistake. We don't want her anymore. It's been too much. Get Danielle out of here. So funny. So then more parting, more partying. And then, I don't know, West is telling Sierra, where have you been literally my entire life?

And then Kyle and Lindsay and Sierra do this thing, like they're being kidnapped by the aliens, they're being beamed up, like a big light shines on them. And they do like a dance in the light for way too long. And it just keeps going. And Patrice goes, is that it? Look, even the aliens don't want Danielle. And it just keeps going and Pages goes, is that it? Look, even the aliens don't want Danielle.

That was a real tractor beam. They got an actual spaceship to come here and it wouldn't take Danielle. I wonder if they get a refund for that or if the aliens are gonna be like, no, it's literally in our contract. We don't have to do our job if Danielle's part of the package. Yeah, Danielle is a UDO, an unidentified, desperate object. So Carl and Lindsay sit down because Lindsay's like, I lost my wig.

So they sit down and she's like, did you see me get abducted, babe? And he's like, yeah, I didn't know what was going on. But you're like, whoa, it's hilarious. Yeah, my hair blew off. Yeah, I know, you were like blown away. We're so in love right now. I know, this is so sad. Them trying to be so funny, like, oh my God,

my wig blew off, I'm like a blow. You were blown away, man. Do you have anything to report me? I'm like, oh my God. So he's like, oh, you know what? Uh, we need to have a serious conversation. So I was waiting for us to be in alien costumes to be drunk. So let's do that. Um, so, uh, we're talking about this, uh, with

Kyle, look at this. It's lover boy soda. And he would like to think that there's a world. I'm just going to keep saying that cause this is basically like a movie trailer. So in a world, in a world of lover boy soda, you know, you're going to be like, Oh, I'm going to be like, he would like to think that there's a world, I'm just gonna keep saying that, because this is basically like a movie trailer, so in a world, in a world with Loverboy having soda,

Carl is a man in a world with a soda, called Loverboy. Blah, blah. Yeah, so I was just like, is there a world where I could be involved with this in like some capacity? And she's like, well, how do you feel about that? Well, I want to learn more about it, which is my way of not giving you an answer because I want to see how you respond first and then I'll give you more of an answer on my part.

But yeah, I want to learn more about it, even though I've already learned everything I need to know about it. And like I told him I need to understand exactly what the arrangement is. And I feel like, you know, I needed the space from Loverboy and I needed a break. And that's so basically, I'm just gonna say things that sound like I'm really on top of this, but I'm just stalling.

You have some, are you mad? You mad? So he was like, you know, I did need the space from Loverboy, I needed that break. And she goes, yeah, and I understand that because it's like going through a breakup, but eventually you pick yourself up after that breakup and you have to move the fuck on,

which is both like, you know, talking to herself in the very near future. But it's also like, okay, we can see how she feels. She's like, yeah, you broke up with these people. You're not gonna go back to these people already, are you? Like the second you can't find a job This is your plan. You've been telling me all fucking summer You're gonna come up with a plan and your plan is to go back to the other plan. That was a disaster

But also he's like not being Like upfront with how he feels he's obviously excited about this and he wants to do it But he's not saying yeah, and I actually want to do this. I feel like this time around, it'll be better. I think we'll set different parameters. And this is also an object that's like non-alcoholic. It means a lot to me. He like, you know, instead he's saying, yeah, I want to learn more and I want to

know what the arrangement is and yeah, it's something we could look into. He's like saying like very empty corporatey things. And she's like, like, so do you, you can see that what she's really picking up on is like, do you want to do this or do you not want to do this? So Carl is like, yeah, I really want to pursue and look at some other things while I still can. She's like, um, but you said I'm hoping to have a plan by the end of the summer. And so we have three weeks until then. And I'm like, not trying to bug you.

So he's like, yeah, well, I've been thinking about it, but I don't wake up every morning and I'm like, oh wow, this is how I want to be. I want this. And she's like, yeah, but something that turns me on is when my man is out there like crushing life. And he's like, and you don't think I'm crushing life? No, Carl, what are you doing to crush life? Like now is she being horrible by saying that you're not crushing life? You haven't done anything and you don't think I'm crushing life? No, Carl, what are you doing to crush life? Like, now is she being horrible by saying that you're not crushing life? You haven't done anything and you don't know what you wanna do. Now, on the other hand of this argument,

on the other side of this, Lindsay does do it. I mean, Lindsay's an influencer, so why can't he be an influencer? But I think the question, the answer to that is, if he's saying he wants to be an influencer and he's doing that, then that would be his argument, but he's not making that. He's just like, I don't know. I don't know what I want to do.

What do I want to do? I mean, he wanted to open a soccer club, so he did come up with that idea. And he didn't really make any plans beyond that. He didn't say like, I want to open a suburb bar. Here's how much it would cost. And here's a plan. He just said like, maybe that's possibly something I would want to do. Yeah, I think like, you know, a lot of times Lindsay gets

cast as like the hysterical wild crazy one. But she's actually seeing things here in a very respectful way. And she's saying this is what I'm into because she's probably said it many times. It's been on the it's like everyone knows this about Lindsay. And you know, he's like, well, sorry, if I'm like, Oh, you don't think I'm crushing life right now. You don't think, I mean, how many times I have to save more life before you realize I'm actually

crushing it. I'm crushing more life. You know, this is what I love about her no matter what is going on. And she knows that he's not liking this and that he's trying to make her, you know, the villain, but he's like, and I'm not crushing life. And she's like, no, not really. Like what in the world are you doing that would make me say you're crushing life? Now look, here's the thing.

I don't think every, I've said this before. I don't think that everybody has to be this ambitious person who wants to do a ton of stuff and have all these goals. That's fine for him. He doesn't have to live a life like that just cause she wants it, but she has a right to want to marry somebody who does want ambition and wants to be a provider and do all this stuff. They just don't want each other. They're coming from a place of settling

and trying to turn each other into what they want, but neither one of them wants to be what the other person wants. He doesn't want to live like that. And he has the right to just, you know, make what he can while he can and chill on the beach if he wants to, you know? Yeah. And he's like, well, sorry, you feel like that. Um, and she's like, look, you know, you have to think we're walking into a marriage that is, this is a, we're contractually binding all of our assets and I don't know where I'm going to be if we have kids and I want to stay home and raise kids because they have to like, I need to be there. They need to suck on my nipple and they need a lot of attention.

And I need to know that I have a partner that's also going to do anything to bring in any type of money because I need that security, which is I think, she's like being incredibly straight up and very honest and very rational and reasonable by saying this. And he's like, Oh, well, if you want me to get a job, go get a job. Like acting like that's like the worst thing in the world. Yeah. Listen, I don't, I don't hold it against Carl. If he doesn't know exactly what his, what his like life ambition is yet.

Like that doesn't just happen like that, but like, don't be offended if she's like, can you at least show that you can get a job? Yeah. But I think he's saying like, I didn't want to get a job. I wanted to figure out my like forever plan, you know, which is why I'm not working right now. But he's like, okay, well, if you want me to settle and get a job, then I'll get a job.

And she's like, okay, well, if even if it means moving on with Loverboy again, that's fine. I just want you to make it a priority to make money for our family. And this is the thing, like, of course, you started the whole Loverboy thing last year about how you're not being respected there. She ended up looking like the huge witch for it, which as usual, because she wore the pants and walked in there and was the bitch about it, when you wouldn't be. But she doesn't care if you're working for Loverboy. You cared that you were working for Loverboy and she doesn't care if you're working for Loverboy. You cared that you were working for Loverboy and she doesn't care that you're working for Loverboy. She just

wants you to have a goddamn job. Go to work. Carl. Yeah, because his also his employment record has not been great. He got fired like every single season on the show for a while. And so Carl's like, no, I understand. I have a partner that's like a go-getter and just wants like the best for me and like I just think she gets scared and fearful about getting married to someone who doesn't have his career figured out yet and I'll give her that but like it's scary to have a partner that doesn't like believe fully in you and like no matter what you'll get it figured out like I know I can do it I just need to my partner believe that I don't know if she does like because what reasons have you shown her? She believes in you, but she also believes that there are bills that are gonna be due. And you have maybe the way you can really give her confidence to show that you're just capable of keeping a job. I mean, I think she believes in you and that she's gonna marry you,

so she assumes that you will get it together. It's just, you know. It's Lindsay. It's Lindsay. It's Lindsay. So Lindsay's like, you know, I want you to figure it out quicker what you wanna do in life. And he's like, oh.

Yeah. And she's like, I'm just trying to tell you what turns me on. No, you don't need to hide it behind that. You say, this is what I want. If you can give me this, great. If you can't, we'll stay friends. The end.

Oh, I understand what you're saying. Wow. And clear. He's like very offended by this all. Well, whatever. Good luck. Good luck, you two. All right, well that brings us to the end of Summerhausen.

Thanks everyone for being here. And we will be back next week with a whole other week of recaps. We will catch you on the next with Kaitlyn Clark! She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella! Itchels! Erin McNicholas! She don't miss no trickles! She's never scary, it's the green fairy! Jamie? She has no last name-y!

Hava Nagila Webber! Know your worth with Jason Kurt! She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing! Zip some scotch with Jessica Tratch! She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. We wanna hang with Liz Lang.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We forever love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh she's

Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podchadly. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender, the incredible, edible Matthews sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony.

Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' violet Coutar. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch or Crap and ad free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.