Watch What Crappens - #2402 PumpRules, Part 1- Jax U Next Tuesday

Episode Date: April 24, 2024

Jax returns to Vanderpump Rules (S11E13) to wreak havoc and sweat all over Lisa Vanderpump. He’s furious about having to fight rumors of cheating while at the same time in real life he’s fighting rumors of…well, cheating. We will wait for you to recover from the absolute shock of it all. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Winter Is Crappening ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondry's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all that crap that we love to talk about. I'm your braves.

My name's Ronnie. I'm with my little friend, Benoons. Hello, Ben. How are you? I'm doing pretty well, thanks. How are you doing? Great. I'm doing great. Everybody thanks. How are you doing? Great. I'm doing great.

Everybody, welcome to Vanderpump Rules Day. Excited to be here. We just did a Vanderpump Villa bonus episode, which is up over at Alpaui, y'all. If you're watching that garbage, that hot fucking garbage, go check that out. That's super fun to bully those little losers with their lunch pails. It's like bullying fetuses. But that was super fun this week. Go check that out. Also, we are in the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Festival

next week in a faraway land called Los Angeles. That's next Friday night. It's gonna be so fun. It's at the Kookaburra Lounge, 9.30 p.m. Go get your tickets over at Watch What Crappens. That's also where you'll find tickets to our London, Dublin and Birmingham shows, which are coming up later that month, later in May.

Crazy that it's almost May. Get tickets at the same place. Patreon links at the same place. This is a video. You can find videos at the same place. WatchWhatCrapens.com. Okay, Patreon, yay. Ben, welcome.

How are you feeling after this Vanderpump Rules episode? Did it change anything? Ben Kroetter Yeah, this this episode was so good to me. I was cracking up the entire time. I was it was just was so good. And then at the end, I was like, filled with like this amazing sudden burst of outrage. Oh, it's every everything I could ever ask for from this show. How about you?

Pretty good. And you know, I'll tell you the real winner of this show, you know, Jax is come and go, but Southwest lives forever, guys, okay? Yeah. Oh, even America Airlines got involved in this show. This show is like the ultimate C group, you know? And I just love to see it.

Yeah, they really leaned into the air, air, airplane, uh, footage this episode, which was great. You know, it had everything. We saw the airplanes, a Schwartz got another midlife crisis tattoo, um, Brock in his tiny little budgie smuggler lying in the pool. Like, wow, it's a great angle. Love the producers for getting that shot. It's a great episode. Okay, well they also did this weird happy pop thing.

They're starting to take it too far. I feel like every week they're still experimenting with new musical ideas for this show. And this week it's like teen bop pop, but now they're cutting out buildings and like turning them upside down, swirling them around. This week was like after school teen fun movie,

like a fun after school special, you know? It's weird because it's about 40 year olds at the end of the day. And they're like, here we are in a car in the sun going and going. It's like Tom Sandoval and a cane and Clay Duvall's, you know, future face. Yeah, it's like very upbeat, excited music, etc. And yeah, these buildings, they keep on getting

these like angular shots of buildings, they like rise up and they come down. It's like being ahead at Broadway show or something with all the sets coming in and out from all different directions. Broadway show or something with all the sets coming in and out from all different directions. So then Lala is like walking into a place with her brother Easton and she's like, yeah, this is like one of the only non-licker liquor stores in the entire city, let alone the country. You know, I'm like, I think I, at this point, I feel like a non-licker liquor stores, like a coffee shop or it's like a seven 11. You know, what'd you say? Like a coffee shop or. It's like a 7-Eleven. It's the Soil. Like a Sam's Corner there. What'd you say?

It's a grocery store. You know? He's like, yeah, let's get buck wild on this bitch. So then we go to Katie and then what cracks me up is the music's too like, happy, happy all the time, I'm a hooker all the time. And it just cuts to Katie, like staring at flowers in her apartment,

spraying them very Katie-like. It's just like, psshhhhhh. Okay, well, thanks for stopping by, guys. Happy, happy all the time. Ariana's doing exercise. And then Ariana is like reclaiming the treadmill. She's walking on it and FaceTiming with Dan, her boyfriend.

And Dan's like, you know how I fold my towels very specifically? Which I'm like, oh, this is concerning because he has towel methods. And Ariana's big thing that happened this season is that she left a takeout container out on her counter overnight. So I feel like there may be a, there may be a fundamental value issue here. This relationship is not going to work out. Yeah. We haven't seen much of Dan,

but we know that this is doomed to fail. He's neat and tidy. Yeah. She's like, you're very organized. You want to come organize my stuff. And then we just see piles of crap all over the house. And he's like, yeah, I'd need a lot of days for that. Maybe he's like turned on by like the project up at all. He's like, this could be my white whale organizing Ariana stuff. He's like got a hoarder's fetish.

So then we see the Southwest Plane, the first of many this episode, and it's James and Ale. And James is like, hey Ale, listen to this, I made a bass line. It's kind of like my idea for a job, listen to it. It goes like this. Oh, bzz, bzz, bzz, bz, bz, bz, bz.

Allie, are you listening to my bass line, Allie? Love it. Did you see the video of Allie Ballie and Jamesy Waymsey doing a kids song this week in some mall or something? No, I did not. Oh my God, Ben. I didn't know about that. No one said that to me.

Where are you even living? I'm living in Katona, New York at the moment, Oh my God, Ben. I didn't know about that. No one said that to me. I'm living in Katona, New York at the moment. So I have no access to the outside world. You are special. You're a special person in your own way. You are so special. Nobody should ever get in your way. Special, special, you're all special special.

Wiki wiki wiki pussy. Pussy, sorry, line. Line name. You're supposed to say pussy James, it's for kids. Sorry my bad kids. Oh, he just started sobbing. James is sobbing in every episode now guys. Someone check on James.

James is not okay. Can we stop pretending that James is okay? Yeah, there's something awry. I cannot even imagine James participating in a kids bop event of any sort. Like, all right, we're all friends, we're all friends, and we're all your stupid fat, all your stupid fat, let's get out of here, okay?

Guess what? Hippie's coming through, you gotta be careful. Okay, I need a circle around Hippie. Everyone needs to say, turn three away, he's been throughuts, all you stupid fat sluts, get out of here, okay? Guess what? Hippie's coming through, you gotta be careful. Okay, I need a circle around Hippie. Everyone needs to stay 10 feet away. He's been through enough. All right, you stupid fat flat children. I believe in you. I believe in you.

I believe in you. You're special. Here, I'm gonna send it to you. You wanna play it? I really, really wanna see this. Okay, would you rather in your text or your chat here on streaming? Here, I'm gonna send it to your text.

Yeah, send it to my text. I'm ready, I'm sitting up. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna click on it. Yeah, it's from a little site called TikTok. He might have heard of that. You know, normally I, oh wait, nevermind. It started playing.

I was getting ready for it. Normally when you play TikTok over the browser, they do this little game where they're like, before you press play, can you move the jigsaw piece into the spot? And I actually- Yeah, I just did that. I couldn't get it in.

I love that game. It's so much better than like, click on the boxes that show buses. And then you're like, is that a bus? Is that not a bus? Is that a pun? Yeah, cause they put like part of the wheel in one of the little slices. And you're like, does that count bus? Is that not a bus? Is that a pun? Okay, ready? Yeah, because they put like part of the wheel in one of the little slices,

and you're like, does that count? Is it saying show? Does that count? And then you can never tell. You never know when you got it wrong. Like, I have to do those 10 times before it lets me through. Is this at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books?

It says the Los, it's sponsored by the Los Angeles Times. It says children's stage. Okay, I'm gonna press play. I remember that's how far we've fallen. Look at the LA Times. They're bringing Vanderpump rules onto a book fair. Come on guys. Like it's the world over.

Well, Ariadna was apparently there hawking her book, but like, at least she has a book to hawk. It's my mixology book. Hey kids, here's how to make a breakup lemon drop. Okay. It was an overall book fair. So I'm, I look, I wonder if this children's stage is a section of the book fair. Oh, I see. Okay. Just play it. Okay. Let me press play. I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them

I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them

I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I don't need to leave them, I don't need to leave them I'm like, okay, TikTok, this was fun, bring back the time limits. Okay, bring it back. Time out. James is big. He was basically just like the hype man on that. He was just like, yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Yeah. Yeah. I believe in you. I mean, it's sweet. He didn't even do the rap verse. Another guy came on and did that verse. Yeah, maybe he just couldn't stop saying pussy or something. You know, that sort of thing.

James, I can't trust you to do this. So I believe in you as long as you don't eat too much food. That's not- Here's my song for children. I don't believe in you, so prove me wrong. You know, I feel like you have to have something to live up to. I feel like giving kids too much encouragement

just leads to trouble. Look at this cast. It's a lot of parents who told their kids they could do anything and now look at them, you know? I know. Floundering. But my song to children would be, this is a napkin, use it around your mouth. You've got too much red stuff all around your mouth.

Get away from me. I don't like your frenetic movements. Use this napkin. Get away from me. I don't like your frenetic movements. This napkin get away from me. If you're gonna cough doing on your mom and not me, kid, not me. Thank you. That was actually really good. Just dropped a bass line. Ali, I just dropped a bass line. Sorry. That's my song for fish. Bassline, Ali, I just dropped a bassline, sorry. Bassline is for fish, it's my song for fish.

Oh, I just booked a gig for some bass and it's at the bass store, you know, old bass. What's the name of the old bass, Country Bass? I don't know, but here in Lawson, we have a bass country hall or a bass music hall. Okay, it's where fish go to sing. So Southwest playing James and Ali, yeah, he made a baseline. So she's like, love it, okay,

didn't sleep well last night because the cats are like trying to open the door and they just keep meowing. That's when you buy a water gun. Why are these people being ruled by their cats? I wanna know who the other cat is. I feel like we've only seen Mr. Banks. So who is this other cat?

We never even see the other cat. We seen Mr. Banks. So who is this other cat? We never even see the other cat. We see Mr. Banks again, but like who is this spectral other cat that Mr. Banks is hanging out with? Is it just like Ali's imaginary cat? It's like Mr. Globalism. There's two cats. What'd you say?

Mr. Globalism. It's just all financial behemoths. Mr. IMF fund. I guess it's IMF. Mr. The Fed. I have a fund in it. So she's, Jax, Jax, Jax comes over. Sorry, I see Jax and I just start short circuiting.

I'm like, oh, Jax, Jax, Jax comes and he's like, yo James, what's up man? Look at this pad. Love it man. God, I feel like I'm Paul Springs is fucking crazy. Is that a plane overhead? It's a fucking plane, man. It's a fucking plane. That's fucking crazy, bro. Yeah, he, Jax is so excited to be back on Vanderpump Rules. He's like, Oh my God, I get to shoot another episode. Oh my God. He's just like, he's amped up. He doesn't, he doesn't even have to be on Coke right now. He just, he's got that AMPM coffee in him and the thrill of being on a main show. So James is like, and Coke, clearly he doesn't need the Coke, but he's on the Coke. So James is like, Oh, J boy and me have come a long way.

When we worked together, we hit each other. And then we see a flashback of, um, Jack saying, Oh, you know, anyone can push play on their laptop. Oh, come on. Take it out. The Jack take it out. The order Jack's. Classic moments.

So, uh, James was like, yeah, he says he wants to have a nice sir. I thought baby steps your brunch brunches So Lisa's gonna love it. They don't even try to bring Jax back on this show gracefully a day at sir Nobody believes that this Nobody believes this just bring Jax on who cares you guys don't need to come up with these bullshit excuses I know and they're really trying to push a brunch agenda on this show lately. God. Everything's a brunch I know. And they're really trying to push a brunch agenda on this show lately. God, everything's a brunch. So, Jax is like, is my best friend Katie going to be there? Great. And Ally's like, wait, are you guys actually best friends? I love that. That's so great for you guys.

It's like, no. James is like, what's your problem with Katie then? He goes, well, apparently she's taking my pictures around. And James just stops and goes, wait, don't you have a reading to do, Ali? Excuse you? What the fuck are you kicking Ali off the scene for? What'd she do? Go write your song about positivity, all right? Children are out there, you know, hitting each other with baseball bats until they get your song in the mail, Ali. Go, go, Ali. Okay, just tell me what happens. Cut to Ali giving a reading to a mailbox down the street. You are such a sadge. Your flag's up. So, Jax is like, well, apparently Katie is like now telling people that like I cheated on my wife

and like is she like that pissed off that she can't like fuck anymore of her ex-husband's friend so she has to come after me? Cause like she can't fuck me or what? Like what's going on? I'm like, you're not denying it, Jax, just so you know. I'm paying attention to what you're saying. Also, he's just so disgusting. It's just so Jax, you know?

Oh my God, what's wrong with Katie? She can't fuck me when she just wants to fuck me? Fuck, fuck her. Oh God, He's disgusting. Also, you've read the news on this this week, right? That Britney unfollowed Jax and Lori because Jax is banging Lori in bathrooms. There was a thread, I believe, on Reddit.

That's where I saw it. Let me see. Yeah, it was, because it was something with Nashville. Was it Nashville? something with Nashville? Um, Oh God, it was a girl said that she went to a thing. Oh, probably on the iPad. Of course. I've got too many devices.

I did read this. Someone, someone posted something that they were like, was that like a show or something? They went to, he was at an appearance at some club and said they went to see Jax and that Jax was like, yeah, I'm really single, it sucks, who's got coke? And then banged his manager in the bathroom supposedly. Supposedly.

So anyway, I think that was from a while, I think that was from a couple months ago, but it's resurfacing now because Brittany has unfollowed Jax and Lori, dun, dun, dun. Wow. So. Literally no shock. I don't even know why I brought that.

So anyway, so Jax is essentially blaming Katie for the rumors when it's clear that the rumors started because Jax was cheating on Britney all this time. I mean let's be honest. Yeah, like that. So James is like, well I hope Jax isn't cheating on Britney but let's face it he's got a check of history, doesn't he? Doesn't he? Roll the clips, roll the clips and the Southwest Airlines flight just goes over like bringing on a plane of sign of clips. This is blowing back the screen. You are special.

No, not that clip. I don't need to see another clip of Ali singing. So- Jacks is like the one person on earth that this song really doesn't work when you sing it to. It's really just like not very Jack's friendly. Let's go. I believe in you so believe too.

Nobody knows. Oh, I didn't realize. I thought that whole thing was over. James was to had a whole rap verse that I had stopped. I was gonna say, I thought James rapped on it. So I wasn't sure what you were talking about. The song was so monotone. I thought the TikTok had looped backed on it. So I wasn't sure what you were talking about. The song was so monotone.

I thought the TikTok had looped back to the beginning. So I stopped it. You thought they had kept the time limit. I thought so. But you were like, they need to make these shorter. In my mind, I was like, oh, we were like, we've already looped through. No, they just let things like this happen now.

That's what we're trying to outlaw. That's the real reason we're trying to outlaw it in America because TikTok is letting things like this happen to us. Yeah, not only, wait, by the way, the funny part is it's not only as James rapping, but on screen behind them, there's like a cartoon of James and Allie in like a spaceship. Yeah, well, I just can't wait till the next mall they show up at,

because you know there's going to be a bunch of moms out there protesting going, they gendered the universe. The universe is a female now. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. 50 high school senior girls descend on Mobile, Alabama, every summer to compete for a massive cash prize.

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I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G-I Jane too, can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big.

Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now. From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai.

And this is Diss and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. So James is like, well, I hope Jax isn't, oh yeah, check his history, et cetera, et cetera. And then we see the famous clip of Brittany saying, are you checking on my Jax Tyler? He goes, yeah, it's true. Robin Hale! Robin Hale, you're a cool guy. Robin Hale, Ty Hutt. So then we come back and he's like, yeah, listen, if it's between Jax and Katie, I'm

going to believe Katie because I mean, it's Jack's like, hello. So now they're shooting hoops in the backyard. I mean, this backyard has everything within two square feet. Pool, a grill, the basketball hoop, trampoline, kennel, DJ stand. I mean, it's all right. Electric roses. I just got stuck. I just got, I just got stuck. I just got electrocuted by Rose.

So he's like, what do I need to expect Saturday? Huh? I mean, it's going to be crazy. Like, huh? I don't even know what I'm getting into. I was brunch. What is that even? It's like brunch and lunch.

Fucking crazy. Wiggy wiggy, man. Playing shit on your computer. Am I right? It's going to be great. They're not even going to try and work you into this. They just say brunch with Jackson. You just show up and sweat on people.

Yeah, Jackson's like, it feels like he needs to be sopped up a little bit. Like he just needs like someone to be patting stuff down on his cheeks and his chest and everything. It's just too much going on. So he's like, yeah, should I like, maybe I'll like bring some, like, do I bow down? I'm not gonna bow down to Lisa, but like, you know,

like just cause you own like a few restaurants in Hollywood, like what's the big deal? Like maybe I'll bring her some flowers. I don't know, I don't know. Maybe I'll do that, I don't know. Maybe I'd be the bigger person. Should I, I could do that. Like I could do that, I could do that.

He's such a pig. And I love that you're on her show being like this about her. And then at least they showed us the clip of why he got fired from all this in the first place. And I know they would like us to all think that, oh, this company just decided to do the right thing and get rid of the racist asshole.

But no, it was because he told Lisa, this is my show. You know, he's like, they know, they come on my show. This is why my show is good. It's like, actually, this is my show, sir. And then he was never to be seen or heard from again until he got his own show on Bravo years later. I know, like two years later. So, so then there's like a plane that goes by over

and Jack's like, you know, James, you got to add that plane to your tracks. He's like, yeah, I know. It's like the opening to my set is just an airplane. I'm saying, ha ha ha, I'm laughing through my tears. So now she's in Brock's house. And of course, she's still, that house is littered with pictures of herself. You know, a girl will have a portrait session for anything

and it's her and Brock snuggling their baby. And her cat is named Penny Lane. Did we know that? That is the saddest name for a fucking cat. That's the most tragic shit I've ever heard. Penny Lane. Every time I look at my cat, I think of Kate Hudson getting her feelings hurt.

I named my cat after the smallest amount of currency and also the smallest type of road. So it's Britney! Oh my god! Summer! Summer! Summer! Summer! Summer! Hey, you know that's a season as well as a baby. That's the cutest thing I ever seen. Show me your little cats.

You make cats look so cute. I want one. I'm fine. I'm fine. Are you crying? No, I'm fine. Just my plastic surgery gave me crap eyes. Hey, there's your cute cat Penny Line. I was thinking about getting a cat, I was gonna call it Dollar Tree. What do you think?

That's one of the names of Brock's first children. We don't talk about that. Have a seat. So, how's your arm feeling? And so Summer's like, I need another X-ray. Hi, have you pooped on a stingray yet? Then you'll really need an X-ray. Talk about rice. So are y'all gonna have more babies? And she was like, um, I don't want to like literally die, which is what I'll do if I try and have another baby.

What about you guys? And she's like, yeah, this month we're officially trying. We're going to officially try this month. So fun. I've never seen Jack do the helicopter so many times in his lifetime. Funny. He actually almost flew himself off the ground. He was doing the helicopter so hard the other day.

I thought I'd get real sexy like and march myself down to the IMBM and surprise him. Well wouldn't it be funny he didn't even show up. I was there for five hours and all this time I thought he was going to IMBM. Oh well maybe he was going off to get me something romantic such. Well finally he showed up. I don't know how I missed him but he must have just been in the bathroom because he came out of the bathroom with our publicist Laurie Lori, wiping his nose and giggling a lot. So it was fun.

I'm fine. I'm fine. By the way, during this, Sheena is like... Sheena's like... is putting makeup on to Summer Moon. Was that real makeup or was that like, it was like pretending to put on makeup? I was like, is she putting mascara onto summer moon?

I think it was like pretend beauty session with the kid. I was so confused. I was like, I'm not trying to be like a pre-wedded, I'm not a parent, but I was like, it feels like two is really young to start with the mascara. Well, listen, I don't want to be in a restaurant with a bunch of babies who make no effort.

Put on your makeup. Low effort children. You don't want to be in a restaurant with a bunch of babies who make no effort. Put on your makeup. Low effort children. So now they start talking about how Ashina's like, Ashina needs to have a baby because Ocean and Cruz are going to ask for a baby. They're going to get siblings. So she's going to have to get a sibling too. But her and Brock have been at each other's throats.

So we see shots of her arguing with Brock and Hispido and then from the Cold Plunge. I mean, Sheena just has the most interesting sets for her arguments, the dress store, the Cold Plunge. Totally, and then on top of that, one of the signature things that this show has done for 10 years, over 10 years, is that when they do a flashback, they make everything like kind of like bluish purple

and like white, and then they always take one color that they decide to preserve or that they decide to pop out. And so this time they made rocks, budgie smugglers be like neon pink while everything else was purple. And I just was like, laughing at this. That's what they chose for their Schindler's List shot of this episode. Like, Sheena's trying to be like,

yeah, we're having some real marital problems. And the producers are like, look at his speedo. The boy with the red bungee smuggler. So she's like, yeah, like, Brock got offended yesterday because he wanted to go on date night for our anniversary but it was like gonna be a big thing with everybody but then that didn't really work out. And so he's like, you wanna go on date night?

And I was like, but wasn't it supposed to be a big thing? And he's like, what, you don't wanna just have dinner with me? And I'm like, I could have dinner with you but like we have dinner together all the time. Like where's everybody else? Which is so seen out like, why would I wanna go to dinner with you?

It was supposed to be a party where everybody else was supposed to congratulate me and take my picture. You fucking Nimrod. Well, if it can't be a big party, why don't we go to a restaurant where they serve things with gigantic props instead? All right, sounds like a deal. So you're talking to me. Why did I say Nimrod?

Where does that even come from? Well, I'm gonna use that word in a long time. It's in the, it's in the, it's in the ferment. Oh, in the 20s? In the, it's in the ferment. Oh, you're 20s. Sorry, Ben, go ahead. Oh yeah. You know what I can, you know, it's Jax, Jax often says that he's a Nimrod and he needs to get his Nimrod sucked. I don't even understand what that means. I'm gonna cry now. When it comes to Jax, I'll just accept any rod I can get at this point.

You know what I mean? I'm fine. I'm fine. So then we go to Bodega Coffee to see Brock's side. And Brock, you know, living the life of a struggling person in a sweater tee. I love when Brock tries to have sad scenes in sweater tees. Brock just has a finesse about him.

I don't know how to put it. Yeah, he's having coffee with Australian Macklemore and he's like, well, he just has a finesse about him. I don't know how to put it. Yeah, he's having coffee with like Australian Macklemore and he's like, well, I just had to get out of the house a little bit and the other guy, Luke is like, oh, what's going on? He's like, well, I know, I know we need a nanny to help out with her mom. It causes so much tension in Shainer

cause she's like the main breadwinner. And since like we sold the gyms, bro, it's been different. It looks like yeah, get that bro. Don't you get that bro? Australia, bro. Yeah, absolutely, bro. Nice talking to you, bro. Australia. Yeah. Growing up, I thought I'd be a farmer. So then from being a dairy farmer, I got into rugby. What, what trajectory? How is that? What's that trajectory? You're just milking a cow and someone's like, well,

you're a big strapping fellow. Have you ever thought of rugby? I'm taking this kid off the farm and I'm turning them into something. I know I'm like, yeah, just doing dairy. And then I thought, you know what I'd like to do instead is tackle a bunch of men. So I did that for a little bit and everything was on the horizon. And the hardest part is knowing that I'm not bringing home the money anymore. Or never did really in the first place, but it's like, I could pretend. I was going to say, they don't even have clips of that.

You never were bringing in the money. Who are you kidding? You, I know. Come on. So he's like, it's not that I'm not happy where I'm at, but finding a career, it just gives me a purpose. You know what I'm saying, bro? He's like, I don't know what you're saying, bro.

So, um, then she, back to Sheena, she's like, you know what, like Brock does like so much to help me and I think like he does it. Like, I don't think that, like he thinks that like I like don't appreciate it because he's like not bringing huge income and he's like, Yeah, but isn't that like hard for guys? Like, who you like to bread with the main bread winners, but you have any bread around here a little hungry. I don't know my little tummy going through need to stop up some of the tequila I have while I was driving over here anyway. Hi, Summer. You want to play a game I can win at so I can win some bread? Come on, Summer.

OK, it's called being the town, the donkey, but it's gonna be poop. It's gonna be with stingrays and said, okay, so Basically, she's like, you know, I know when I was making money more money for once and like that was like a shit for him You know But like cuz they're like such manly man, you know, like man that's just the way they are sometimes You know, I could just be like something they just like it don't even express it You know what I'm saying? So what I'm trying to say is you should quit your job. Let the man make the money.

Man need to feel important. You know, I mean, Jax always wants to play pin the tail on the donkey too. So he just puts Bix in my butt cracks and eats the bread while I watch. I'll let him do it. I'm fine. It's a fun story. It's a fun story. It's fun. I'm in a happy time. It's not like I had to spend two hours driving over to Marina

Del Rey during which point I could think about my life decisions and the accidents and the mistakes I might. That's a laugh, not a cry. I feel like there are all these standards that men feel they have to meet. Like, why can't you be the stay at home dad? Like, it's just like a misogynistic appeal of how things are supposed to be. Like, like, come on. And Brittnay's like, don't cry! I'm the one who's still got a big pin in my butt, crack! What are you talking about gymnastics for anyway?

Misogynistic is not gymnastics. I don't know, I'm just a girl. I'm stupid. So, um, so, uh, Brittany's like, don't cry. She's like, yeah, I have to because it's my medical CD. Okay. And like I have anxiety and I got on so often. I was like doing so much better, but I just stopped taking it because I was like doing so much better but I stopped taking because I was like so tired. I have like the worst intrusive thoughts like I'll be just like at the supermarket then all of a sudden I'll be like A P P L E S what do you think about them and then I'll

like literally be buying apples I'm like what if it's what's going on with these intrusive thoughts that are happening right now. It's like so bad I was in a traffic circle the other day and I just kept yelling corner corner as I ran around in circles. It didn't make any sense. Yeah, I was in the cereal aisle and I was like, I was like, L-U-C-K-Y-C-H-A-O-M-S. Like I have all these injuries of thoughts and I'm just spelling out things that I'm seeing now. Has your anxiety gotten worse since you hate summer?

And she's like, yeah, I have postpartum OCD. I didn't even know that was a thing. And like, it's just so bad. Like, these intrusive thoughts, like, I mean, I trust my husband. He's amazing. Like, why wouldn't he be? But like, people make comments about him and Lala fucking all the time. And it's like, oh my God, Lala's lights and eyes are lighting up every time Brock walks

into a room. Like, you know how hard that is? Yeah. Jack's eyes light up whenever anything walks into a room. It could be anything. Jack! There was a duck crossing the other day and a duck walked in the middle of the road. Jack's eyes lit up.

I was jealous of a duck. A duck! It was hilarious though. It was hilarious. To be fair, Pharaoh's extra on edge because we just seen Tamra porn, you psycho, fuck a duck. So like I was afraid he'd be literal and such.

I literally saw a duck crossing the other day. I'm sorry that got stuck in my head, I guess. I was like, I'm gonna forget that. That's like what happens to us. I feel like it's always hilarious to me because whenever we're going on, like whenever we're doing a riff, as my dad says, are you guys going to do another riff? Whenever we're doing a riff, I always feel like, oh God, I have to think of an example of something that's always had some random

piece of nature I just saw or like something on the desk. That's why I talk about staplers and paper clips so much. It's like whatever is literally in front of me. I'm like, she's like a printer. She is like a HP office jet printer sometimes, just printing out pages all the time. You know what I'm saying? Right in front of like a, right on top of a USB cord. You know what you need, she needs to tie him up like he is with a USB cord right now.

So she was like, I mean, like even a nanny, like could you imagine if your husband fucked a nanny and it just cuts to Brittany's face, looking off into space like, yeah, that would suck. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah, that's a good apatheticans. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy,

you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, you're a cool guy, You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy, Kingsley. You're a cool guy, Kingsley. She's just rocking back and forth. I'm happy. It's rocking back and forth. You're gonna get through this.

You're gonna get through this, Brandy. I mean, you know. You're gonna get through this. You're gonna get through this. Seriously, Brad. Gotta get, gotta get, gotta get through this. Sorry, I just talked over my other version of me. I apologize, other mate.

Let's head over to Mel's Drive-In. Wow, this town is officially done with this show. That's where you're allowed to shoot. The Mel's? Mel's Drive-In. But I maybe actually want to go to Mel's Drive-In. I was like, when I get back to LA, I'm going to go to Mel's Drive-In.

I haven't been there forever. Well, that location is good. But the, well, and also, you know, just to milkshake in general, I think I've been starving myself for so long that I saw that milkshake and there were fireworks going off in my mouth. I went to bed dreaming of milkshakes.

I was like, this is the only time I think I've ever been jealous of Katie on this show. I really want to go back to Mel's. Didn't we go there with Leah Black once? We sure did, because that's her neighborhood. She's like, let's meet at this restaurant I love, a little back to Mel's. Didn't we go there with Leah Black once? We sure did, because that's her neighborhood. It's like, let's meet at this restaurant I love, a little place called Mel's.

Mel Simon, I'm driving. Don't tap into Mel's. Tear it down. Oh, oh, oh, oh. I don't have the range for that anymore. I've daped too much over my lifetime. I miss that, being able to sound like the belt on a car needing to be changed every time we laugh like Leah.

Leah is the Beverly Sills of Bravo. There it is. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, That's what I have to do. I have to suck in to do the Leah Black. Tear her down. Well, we're at Mel's drive and Leah Black is not there, but Tom and Katie are there. And Katie is like, wow, I haven't been here in so long. And she's like, I know I told Tom I wouldn't see him one-on-one, but there's like a part of me that wants to like be friends with him. There's something about like loving someone that like that you didn't then you just like being a stranger it's like I just can't wrap my head around it.

So they order some milkshakes and Schwartz is like, I'm in such a good mood, can you see it on my face? She's like, I'm seeing a lot of things happen in front of me. I mean, the hair. Why? Oh, you don't like it? Oh, but I'm a baby. She's like, honestly, I just felt like something deep within.

Like I thought dying my hair or bleaching. Oh my God, I don't even know the terms. I'm a little boy. I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow. Hi, if you want to come, you can be in it. Yeah, I'm not in the tattoo, but you can come join. You can see the tattoo. Come on, come on, Katie.

Who did that to your head? Who's Joe? Joe and Lena. Oh God, I love it. Don't you love it? They're hair bosses. Come on, don't you love it? She's like, I saw you on Instagram with Joe.

What was that, a hard launch? No, no. They asked me to post a photo for the Solange Works out. Hair Boss, remember? Hair Boss. I'll say it one more time for on TV. Hair Boss. Yeah, well all I did was I posted, oh boy,

and then everyone got mad at me. Oh, I've always been like clear. Like I don't want to have a girlfriend until, I don't know, maybe after we're done shooting in Then I can you know go to the local sororities at USC and see if I could find someone who's 22 But I don't know I more or less had to make the decision to hang out less. I don't know it was too much I'm scared. I couldn't do it. Yeah, unless she said something really broke my heart She said are you embarrassed of me and it made me feel so sad. So, so sad. He does like a literal

like, why is my face in my hands? I'm just a little boy. He literally put his face in his hands like, oh, what am I supposed to do? I'm hungry. Katie, I mean, Tom, that's your fault. Cause you were like so elusive about it. Like the cops have been trying to catch you for a month emotionally, but you just keep eluding them. So Schwartz like, well, it's cause I was in a weird place. You know, how do you feel right now? Are you looking for a life partner? You're just having fun.

What's going on? I care. You know, how do you feel right now? Are you looking for a life partner or are you just having fun? What's going on? I care! Sorry, I'm stuck in Katie's face from the last one. Are you with us? Are you with us Katie? Katie, no, don't leave me! Who's going to pay for the bill?

Katie, no! No, come back to the light! And by light I mean my blonde hair! Come back to the hair! Come back! Come back to the ashy skin! Her eyes! Her eyes!

Her eyes! Her eyes! Her eyes! Her eyes! Her eyes! Her eyes! No, no, come back to the light. And by light I mean my blonde hair. Come back to the hair. Come back. Come back to the ashy skin. Or ashen, I should say. Not ashy, it's a totally different concept. I'm a little boy.

He's like, are you looking for a life partner? I'm sorry to use that terminology, but you have lesbian hair this season. And she's like, I'm just like getting to know people, but in like more of an intentional way. So I'm like, what's your name? And then I'm like, no, seriously. What's your name? Oh my God. That's so funny. That's me right now. Except I don't even ask people their names. I just said, do you like my hair? Oh, my little boy. She's like, I have zero expectations. That's one thing

that being married to you gave me. He's like, oh my God, that's so mean right now. So how was your day with Tori? How was it? She's like, good. So they're trying to make this happen, which is funny. And we see the clip of her date with Tori and Tori is at her house and Tori goes, oh my God, you look so cute.

She's like, you look cute. And then Tori's like, let's pop some champagne. Oh my God. I just dropped champagne all over the ground. Katie's just like, she's just like, she's like, she's like, I'm totally happy. Let me just spritz these roses until I can speak in a calm form again. Those roses were from Tori?

Cause where else would you get roses? I mean- Tori can't afford those roses. Do you think she took them from Sinas? I don't know. Who buys themselves roses to put in their house? Is that like, did people start doing that after that Miley Cyrus song? I am not my some roses.

Maybe actually. that Miley Cyrus song. I am not my son from the ass. Maybe actually. Now that I think about it, I hate that song. Of course I could buy myself flowers, but why the fuck would I? It's the dumbest thing. Just make a song just called masturbation. Like, I don't need you, I've got my pump. The end, I'd buy that.

I'd stream that all day. I'll be your shotgun baby. That was joking off on roses. No, that one's good. I love that song. That Beyonce, the Beyonce and Miley. Oh God, that's a beautiful song. I love that one. It is so good. It's about time someone wrote a song about our podcast. That was the moment where you're supposed to say, oh, Ben said something really nice. I was being intentional about it.

Except our version would definitely have like Patti LuPone and Ellen Green instead. I'll be a shotgun rider. I'll be a shotgun rider. Actually, this song, Patti LuPone would be great for that song because the first lyric that Miley starts to sing, it barges into the song with such a strange cadence. You ever notice that? So I was like, I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, Miley, you know, but that'd be perfect for Patty. I'll be a shotgun baby. I'll be a shark again, baby. The end of time. Smoke and the birthday.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So, yeah, that date was a nightmare. And Katie's like, yeah, she likes me more than she liked you. And he goes, oh, yeah, because I got a cheeky little peck from her. And Katie's like, yeah, she likes me more than she liked you. And he goes, oh yeah, because I got a cheeky little peck from her. And Katie's like, yeah, well, I got tongue. Oh yeah, well, let's send her a little text

and see if she responds to first. So they both do and Torey's just like, old people alert just starts playing on her phone. It's like, I wonder if she's set like an on Golden pond theme to play when these two texts are. Mr. Belvedere starts to play. Thank you for being a friend. The tricks and the shot.

The murder she wrote. The murder she wrote. Da da da da da da da da da da. Diagnosis, murder, like Dick Van Dyke's face just shows up on the screen. I just coughed. There's something about like invoking a show about a doctor that made me cough.

This is when also Vanderbump rules teeters into like, who's afraid of Virginia Wolf territory or something like that, just this twisted older couple fucking with a young nitwit. Yeah. So let's see, sorry, I was looking at the garden guy. I don't know, what do you think I should do? So, you know, in Texas, I live kind of in the wilderness.

So I have this humongous backyard, right? And I don't do anything, it holds poop. It's a poop receptacle for Bueller. But a tree fell down back there in a lightning storm, because that's what happens here, you know? And so it fell down, but now they don't do anywhere near the tree or behind the tree. They don't do the grass back there. It's the weirdest thing.

So now you just look at the backyard and past a certain point, it's just wild with grass. Like it's huge grass. And I'm like, why don't they do that? And I get that they're like, pick up, you know, clean the tree. I'm not expecting them to pick up the tree, but like, you still have to mow the lawn around the tree.

You know what I mean? Are you gonna call someone to get rid of the tree? I did, but I think he's on his, the handyman guy I used is so sweet, but he's an alcoholic and sometimes he goes into, sometimes he's not using and sometimes he is using. So I think he went into a using period where he's just like, I'll be there in two hours.

And then he never comes and I'll text him and be like, where are you? He's like in traffic, but then he'll never, he'll just never show up. Like weeks will pass. And I'm literally still thinking he's in traffic cause I'm dumb like that. I really, I can't take you just in.

Just the term handy. Yeah. So I'm waiting for him, but I mean, I even had his sign in my front lawn cause he's like, can I put my son in your front lawn? And I was like, sure. Um, and then he doesn't even show up. Like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I shouldn't be complaining about all this stuff, but my point is, should I tell the guy, could you maybe do the grass around the tree?

But then I feel guilty like I'm being an asshole. I think you're allowed to make requests. But I get that too, I sometimes get bashful. I'm like, I feel bad. I feel like I'm just being like, I don't wanna be like Darit talking to her staff. You know? Yeah.

Okay, so. Excuse me. Well, I'm not gonna do it. I'm going to wuss out on that yet another week. See you in two weeks. I'm gonna try and grow a pair between now and then. Have fun not doing around the tree. Just pretend that's not there.

But then I'm like, this wheeler gonna get bit by a rattlesnake because there's so much grass back there and then I'm gonna like be horrified that I just never had the balls and it killed my dog. You know, that's where my brain goes. I've got nonpart of SOC. I feel like we're also overlooking, we're just also overlooking how wild it is that a tree fell down because there was a lightning storm. So many of them. That's how bad it gets here. It freezes, they fall down, then the lightning comes and it just starts burning. It's like biblical out here, the weather.

I told you about the hail, what it did to that guy's car. Look, that truck looked like Bonnie and Clyde. I told you that yesterday. Okay, this is not Hicks stories today. Okay, let's get back to Mel's diner, the real classy set of this episode. Yeah, Mel's diner. So, Katie and Schwartz both text Tori. And of course, she just writes, hi, how are you? And he's like like what do I write it's right it's taking forever she's like come on I already sent mine so they send it and then uh Tori writes back and she writes back to Tom first and well it's funny because they both look at the same time and he's like oh yeah mine's 129 she goes oh I'm 131 oh my god I'm 131, oh my God.

It was like she must have gotten yours first and so she's just writing people back in order. No, because yours would show up at the top, right? No, Tori, let's also not forget, Tori went up to Tom Schwartz first in that beachside bar until you shoot her away and then she went to you. So, you know, we know where she really stands. Okay, so what else? So she's like, what are you trying to compete with me?

You just wanted to have a hair glow up because I got a hair glow up. And he's like, hair glow up, I must have missed that. So they're like being mean to each other and like smiling at each other, like they're so in love again. And then we go to Sheen and Brock date me. Oh my God.

God, Brock's butt. That butt. How is he like, he should just be an OnlyFans at this point because that butt is really like just asking for it. I just love it. So huge. So they go to this wacky place. It's very LA, you know.

They've got like big $100 printout posters hanging from the ceiling. It's, they go to Barton G every now and then on The Housewives or on Bravo. And this place really exists apparently just for, really just for Instagram. Like they always have these outsized props and everything. And the food is supposed to be terrible.

I've never actually been to it. But by the way, I've got to pull this up. This was the most- I'm doing that right now. It says you curate. This is where you craft your experience, okay? Oh, sure, yes. You literally have to craft something like woodworking and they'll

serve us something to do like a surfboard. It's multi-sensory. So speaking of food, by the way, I was reading every now and then, the food rags, they like to review sir because they're like, is it really like, is it a guilty pleasure or is this really bad? So the Infatuation, which is a big national website, their Los Angeles outpost, they went to sir and they gave it a 3.8, which is like really terrible. And they were just saying how like, it's a scathing review. But the part that I really feel like highlighting is this quote from the food writer. He says, on our most recent visit, we drank from filled water glasses, set out on our table only to be informed moments later by an unbothered server

that they were left behind from the previous table. Wow. Like it's what, like all the, you know, when people say reviews like, oh, the food itself sucked. Like the salmon was cold or this or that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, it's like, well, maybe there's always a chance it's not as bad as they say it is and that they're just like, they just want to hate because they'll make for funny content. But there's nothing subjective about this. They were drinking from ice water

and then were informed by their waiter that by the way, the previous, these waters were leftover. We never bust them away from the previous table. Like that is horrifying. That's hilarious. That is so that place. Okay, so they're at this tacky ass place and Brock's like, you look more than you should

according to day. He's like, you look so handsome. I look at your booty and I'm like, oh my God. He's like, thank you. She goes, I did bring some toys to the hotel room. I'm like, booty toys? I love this about you guys. Is that what she's saying?

You like, that's how I took it. Love it. I think she just meant like, you know, I'm getting turned on by her booty and we're going to have, we're going to get kinky tonight. He's like, anyways. So she says, I'm like really looking forward to like our anniversary tonight. Like, I feel like we haven't, like we have been at like each other's throats lately. And like, but when I decided to marry him, I was like, this is like my person for life. Oh my God, hold on one second. Sorry. Pee Pee LAS, how you like them? Sorry, had an intrusive thought.

We're supposed to take like Instagram pictures in here. So I brought a big blow up of us when we had summer nuzzling each other's neck. I'm like, ma'am, you can't bring your own selfie sets. Sorry. This was actually cruel. He's like, all right, Sheena, no phones tonight. It's just gonna be the two of us.

So let me bring you to a restaurant whose only value is that you can take photos of the crazy things they bring to the table. No phones though. Yeah, what was that? I thought that was kind of weird. I thought it was like a restaurant thing where they're like, this is so special.

You can't take pictures in here. I didn't know it was him doing it. Definitely not. I don't think that the restaurant that is serving you gin and juice through a boom box is gonna be too concerned with tackiness. Yeah, so that's what he got. That's what he got to drink.

And Sheena's like, oh my God, I can't vlog this. And he's like, no vlogging, Sheena. Oh. You know what? Like if it doesn't work out with me and Brock, then I got a prenup this time. But I don't even know where it is because I don't think we'll ever have to look at it. I'm disgusted.

Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for bringing me here. Please like and subscribe. You're not vlogging, Sheena. Damn hell. like and subscribe, but you're not vlogging, Sheena. Damn hell. The iPad you're using is just a receptacle for your Margarita.

Oh, I thought it was real. Uh, so it's like, I've got a fucking lollipop on my drink. God. Or, well, we did a year, honey. Technically two years. Cause they lied about when they got married last time. And she's like, yeah. Yeah, like, I mean, we need more one-on-one date nights because it's like crazy.

Like, when we're home together, it's like, we're so exhausted. And then my mom's like sitting on our laps. Like, that's, it like makes it a little bit hard, but she does have a really warm butt. And she always brings anti-enchiladas, which is really helpful. Crap, tap, saw out of her thing. Focus, Zena.

I've got a goddamn popsicle on the drink. Well, I was talking to Luke Elmore yesterday, and I was like, we know when I got here, I could visualize exactly what I wanted to be doing. I got to the front doors of the NFL and I didn't make it. You know, I literally just landed off the plane and got into an Uber and then drove up to the NFL and said, can you hire me? And they said, who the fuck are you?

And I never made it in the NFL. I just thought of that. And I know it puts pressure on you to be the breadwinner, but I want to take the pressure off of you because I know you're trying to stay low carb. So, you know, doing my best. Yeah. It's crazy. I climbed mountains. I got all the way to the door of the Academy of Oscar voters. And I still haven't won an Oscar. It's crazy. I remember coming here to Los Angeles. I got all the way to the doors of Baja Fresh. I did get in

that time. I got into those doors and got myself a beautiful burrito. But they were ahead of the shrimp. And then I thought, what am I gonna do in my life? What a day. So he's like, oh, I don't wanna play any pity party here, but when I think back on the parent I was with my other two, if I could go back, if I could go back and be the best dad in the world.

Oh, cause she's like, he goes on this breadwinner thing and she's like, yeah, but like, you need to put the sports ego and the manliness aside, okay? Like, have you ever thought that this is your second chance of being a dad and you could be the best fucking dad to that kid? And he's like, oh, oh, oh, Australian tears, like, oh, Australian tears.

Oh, I can't believe I'm crying. Australian tears. Ow! That just bit me. Even our tears are dangerous. I'm crying more than an echidna trying to stick its dick into a three-holed vagina. Just not enough holes. Oh, too many akinabrongs.

So he's like, yeah, if I could go back and talk to that 19-year-old Brock, I'd say, listen, you're gonna be a good dad. Now milk harder. The rugby scouts coming over soon. Part your hair and get ready to swallow a couple. Wait a minute, I'm gonna interrupt that. Interrupt that memory. Jeez, that was dirty. Okay, so you should really like think about this. Like

you're one of the most tenacious people I've ever met. Oh, is that a word? It is now. Tenacious-y. Yeah, so like when you don't see how much like that is worth to me, it makes me feel like we're like not enough, like me and someone are not enough. I don't want you to think that, you know, I want you more than I want more than our family. And then, and then a giant martini arrives with a candle like that. It's a whole, it's like a whole chemistry set. Yeah. And I guess because it's their anniversary,

do people get cakes and stuff for their anniversary? Fuck off with that, okay? Yeah, I think so. So then Brock's like, oh, I do love you, honey. We need help, but we'll get there. Oh, I love you. Like, wow, this guy's really going out of his way to have multiple episodes

about how he doesn't have to work ever. He's like, can we do another scene with you begging me not to ever get a job? That would be great, thanks. So now Schwartz is in a convertible. He's like in some like retro Ford convertible. And then he pulls up to the house, Sandoval's house and Sandoval jumps in.

He's like, show Pony's here, saddle up. So Sandoval jumps in like, oh man, dude, we're so cool right now. Ah. Yeah, and they're doing that, like it's young teen pop music and they're like, yeah, parting on the way to the tattoo place. This isn't a midlife crisis, it's a midlife revival.

Sandoval's like, yeah, it's like a, a trashy midlife crisis. Oh, dude. So they go to a place called TatLogic, which is funny, because I don't think the concept of logic has ever been applied to these two. And there's a guy named Rusty and he's like, hey, what's going on? Like, oh, hi Rusty.

Dude, your name is Rusty, you work with needles. Can you get, can you get yourself something comforting like alcohol swab or I don't know, aspirin? This is just my assistant, Tetanus. So we're just gonna do some work. Rabies, you didn't clean up the ink off your table, okay? Thanks. So Tetologic, he's got stencils ready,

and it's Gordo and Butters. Those dogs look ungroomed, and I would not put them on my arm. Also, these are too detailed, these pictures. I don't know, I don't like them. They look like cabbages. Exactly, the stencil looks just like a whole bunch of lines. It was just, it looked like when cartoon characters get into a fight and like a big cloud happens. It looked like that was what was being tattooed onto his back.

Like pink pen dancing? Yeah. You just see like a cloud and you see little arms here and there. But later on when we saw it, it looked more like distinct dogs. But either way, I think maybe I just don't think like the best tattoo once again. Well, it ages you, you know, and then you always have to talk about it. And you know, when Zena passed away, I had to like remove the, I didn't throw them away, I still have them all, but I had to remove the pic. It's so depressing to walk around. I had like big portraits of Xena and stuff. And then I was like, well, I got an identical one

made of Bueller. And so I was like, I'm gonna put both of these portraits up because they're both still my babies, you know? So I put a picture of Xena and a picture of Bueller. But then everyone who comes over is like, who's that one? And you're like, oh, that's Xena. And then you have to be like, she's dead. And then you have to go over that whole thing and then you start crying again.

And I was like, you don't want to do that. He's going to be that guy with bleach blonde hair in some bar in his 50s being like, that was Gordo Butters. Didn't we almost have it all. Gordo Butters like literally we never had it all. We were so far from having it all. It was a terrible life.

Oh. Potato, sweet potato wrapped in bacon. That was the treat he gave him today. I thought that was really cute. He was like, guys, you want a sweet potato wrapped in salmon? Or something like that. They're like, oh, yes, fuck yes, we do. It was the real chicken.

That's what it was. It was sweet potato bite with real chicken. Hello there. This is a two-part recap. Thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later. It was Sweet Potato Bite with Real Chicken. Kaitlyn Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella. Itchels! Aaron McNicholas. She don't miss no trickles. She's never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. She's the wind beneath our Jennifer Wing. Zip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. We wanna hang with Liz Lang.

Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 cc's of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We forever love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.

We got our wish it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. We love him madly. It's Kyle Podchadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender, the incredible, edible Matthew sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee.

It's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a cannon Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar. We love you guys.