Watch What Crappens - #2406 Summer House: More (Extraterrestrial) Life

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

Carl has a pretty intense talk with a hot guy in a More Life shirt after this week’s Summer House alien party, and it just might mean the beginning of his relationship. Surely it’s not the whole “she expects me to work” thing. Also, this is the first time on Bravo we’ve seen anyone get territorial over a balloon twister. Well done, show. Grab tickets for the Netflix is a Joke Fest in LA and our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Winter Is Crappening ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondry's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to What's What Crap? It's the podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Profs. I'm Ronnie and that has been over there.

Hello, Ben Jamoun. Hi, Ronnie. Who are you? Good. That would be your name if you were Lebanese too. Benjamun. Benjamun. Ah yes. And Ronnie, your name if you were Hebrew would be, I'm not sure, Moisha.

Moisha? My name in other cultures never fits. It'd probably just be Rani. Yeah, I think it would be that too. Rani. That would fit. But yeah, my name never fits in other cultures. Although my name is Rondal Wadea, it's kind of a tricky one. But in Spanish class, they used to call me Nacho, which you would think fits because

like Nachos, and I'm the chubby kid, but I always found that kind of offensive. And I think I named myself that actually now that I think about it, because they wouldn't let me be papas, which is potatoes. Okay, everybody, welcome to the show. Today is summer house day where they don't eat any of these things really, unless they're completely shit-faced at the end of the night. But we're gonna watch them do it tonight. Welcome to the show. We have live shows coming up next week. We're in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a Joke Comedy Festival. It's at 9.30 PM on Friday night

over at the Kukaburra Lounge in Hollywood. It's gonna be so fun. Small intimate show. Come hang out with us. We're gonna do our first ever House Hunters recap because that shit's funny. Okay? Let's go see it.

I know you're probably thinking, that doesn't sound exciting. Why I don't wanna watch a House Hunters recap. No, who would say that? It is exciting. It's so much fun. We're going to make fun of food court type people. It's our favorite thing to do.

Listen, we've all watched House Hunters. We've all been on JetBlue. We've all had to wade through channels and we wind up at House Hunters. We've all watched it. We're all the same people. We're all Bravo people. But you know, Bravo people were also House Hunters people House Hunters is So fun to make fun of and we think this will be make for actually a really funny live show. So

Come join us. We'll have a great time. So we're doing that and then The following few weeks we're going to London Birmingham and Dublin darling. I think London is actually sold out So it's very close to being it. Well, well well we just got a ticket count right before this just stick with it is extraordinarily close to selling out there's like we're talking about like 20 tickets left maybe yeah so if that's so well we're hearing rumors that there's a waitlist we don't know if that's confirmed but according to the accounts that we have there's probably 20 or 30 tickets left so if you're interested in the five000 tickets available.

I know that was what was wild. I was like, I cannot believe we sold that Wembley Stadium. So anyway... So we're going to be there. So there are tickets in Birmingham though, so come there. Why not? Just make a trip of it or go to Dublin. Who cares? Just come. We're going to love it. And I should also mention, by the way, I did say that Derry Girls was a British show and I've been informed It's actually an Irish show. So I really fucked that one up, you know, you got to be careful you got to be careful to what that one is and what you ascribe to what countries because You know, you could mess things up there a little bit. So That's that's a dairy girl's apology.

That was a very dairy apology from Ben. Okay, so that's coming up. And if you want this on video or you want our Vanderpump Villa bonus episodes, go sign up over at patreon.com, which is where our Crappin's On Demand videos and all of our bonus episodes live. Let's get to Summer House.

The episode is called The Parent Trap. That's a great name for it. Because this was the episode where Lou, Lou has been around for a few years, that hasn't really said much except, Hey Carl, a lot of Lou is of Carl's mom saying, Hey, you want to say hi to Lou? And then Lou comes on and goes, Hey Carl. And that's all we see of Lou is of Carl's mom saying, hey, you wanna say hi to Lou? And then Lou comes on and goes, hey Carl.

And that's all we see of Lou. And then all of a sudden, this episode was the one where Lou decides to read Carl for filth for eight minutes. Read Carl? He does not read Carl at all. He falls right into Carl's manipulation trap of blaming Lindsay and villainizing her even further on the television.

So you're a sucker, Lou, okay? I see you over there. You've just been suckered into doing more of Carl's douchebaggery on television, congrats. And guess what is not throwing me off the scent? Your t-shirt that says, more life. More life. I know, Hawking Carl's words.

I thought it was hilarious. I thought Lou being like, what the fuck is wrong with you two? Like, why are you going into this into this marriage? You do not you should not be together. I thought it was hilarious. That's a good interpretation on your part. Do you feel that you're abused, Carl? Oh, Lou, save it. Fucking Lou. Next thing Lou's gonna bring out a teddy bear and be like, show me on this teddy bear where Lindsay has hurt you, Carl. Get over it, Lou.

You falling into the fucking trap, Lou. And then look at the mom sitting there all innocent, like she hasn't totally set Lou up for this. His mother has never loved him dating Carl. She's like, you are mine, Carl. You will always stay with me. Break up with that girl. That girl wants something other than a Wednesday date?

Break up with her, Carl. There I said it. I said it. Well, as we all know, Lindsay's- Carl's mom, by the way, is the sweetest woman on the internet. I was about to say, and I'm reading her profile. What's her phrase out of it?

I forgot her name all of a sudden. I'm half kidding because of course, everybody loves Carl's mother, you know? Like I do love her, but I was thinking like, oh wow, here we go. Finding a way to get your ultimate wish, Carl, to yourself forever and ever and ever. And of course we, by the way, just another shill for our house hunters episode. Our house hunters recap will be probably, it's like, it'll be like making fun of their

house when you see their house later in this episode. That's what our episode will, that's what our live show is going to be like. Um, be close to the center of town, but I also want to flag on the front porch. We're going to be able to fit both of those things in. We want red carpeting, like the sort of red that you'd find on a candy cane. We just want that all over the house on the inside. Ha ha ha ha. So let's get into this.

So they are, we're still at the space party and Alex is there showing why he got fired because doing limbo with the doll. I didn't even see Alex. You didn't see, you don't even remember me saying, Hey, look, it's Alex last week. No, Chris, Chris see Alex. You didn't see, you don't even remember me saying, hey, look, it's Alex last week. No, Chris. Chris, Alex.

Alex was the unmemorable person before Chris. Oh God, sorry. I'm mixing all the boring men together. All the bland men together, sorry about that. So, yeah, the reason- There was basically a Chobani yogurt vanilla flavor doing limbo with an alien there. Yeah.

So basically, uh, we, to go back in time or the reason why Carl does have to run to his parents is because Lindsay wants, um, something more out of Carl. She's basically like, she's saying honestly, the very nice, I think a very nice way that's trying to be considerate and not like trying to trigger him. She's just trying to say like, I just want like something that like turns me on. It's like a man who's like crushing life. He's like, Oh, you don't think I'm crushing him? No, and I'm not criticizing you at all right now. I don't want to say the wrong thing because like, I feel like we're in a good place and I'm not trying to say that we have the same amount of money.

Just like that you're doing something, just bringing some sort of money, anything, literally stand on the corner with a can, I will be happy just with that amount of ambition. Literally, please just do something for us. And he's like, oh, okay, I understand what you're saying. So yeah, I'm just asking you to figure out a little bit quicker what you want to do in

life because I want to have a mom. I want to be a mom and have your children. That's what I want. I know what I want to have your babies. And he's like, oh, she's like, I hope you're not uncomfortable. Sorry, I got so deep. Bye. And she's doing it in her baby voice, her condescending drunk. I'm drunk and I'm going to talk to you like a baby because we're a happy couple, babe, babe, babe, babe. I don't think it's a condescending voice. I think it's like a, Carl needs this kind of voice to hear that, this is like a safe, I'm not like, I'm not doing my drunken rage voice

because she has to baby talk. Carl engenders a lot of this like, ooh, be careful. Is that what condescending is when you have to talk to somebody like they're a baby? Well, I think condescending is when you do it almost to like, be careful when you have to talk to somebody like they're a baby. Well, I think condescending is when you do it almost to like, be like, I think, I feel like condescending is, is if you talk baby voice to someone who doesn't need it,

but if you're talking baby voice, because that is what they need. If it's to an actual baby, you're just talking to a baby. So you're just talking. Like, I don't think when I go goo goo Gaga to a baby, I'm being you're saying. You're just talking. Like I don't think when I go goo goo gaga to a baby, I'm being condescending. Right, you're just talking to a fucking baby. Could you imagine? It's like, why are you condescending to that baby?

Yeah. It's like, I'm not gonna go up to a baby and be like, so what did you think about Joyce Carol Oates' latest book? But. Well, that, I mean, maybe you shouldn't prejudge a fucking baby. How about that? Like while we're on this conversation.

I will say this, Ronnie. I did pick up Dune and I'm back into Dune and there is like a smart baby in it. And that baby probably would, that smart baby probably would know about Joyce Carol Oates. Oh my God, the smart baby. It's a very smart baby. The baby's like, you have not ordered trash bags

from Amazon in a while, would you like me to take care of that? It's just like the baby, baby personal assistant. The baby's like, I just want to know what you're doing with your life. I just want you to crush life, daddy. Well, this is the only character you'll ever see on TV acting like they have been abused because their partner has asked them to get a job. This is hilarious to me. Exactly.

This is so fucking Carl. And then to be like, oh my God, Lindsay basically is abusive and wants me to get a job. But you know what, Lindsay doesn't support any of my dreams or my ambitions, by the way, I haven't worked in a year. Okay, but she hasn't supported any of my dreams. And by the way, that was a job that was handed to me even though I didn't deserve it. And I quit because they wouldn't pay me more money

that I also didn't deserve. But Lindsay is a dream killer and she won't support my sober bar. And then he goes, I want to work for Loverboy again. She's like, great, just do something. He's like, oh, Lindsay's abusive. Lindsay's abusive. Yeah, I'm just like, ask you to figure it out. And she goes, you know, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable and like, I love you so much and I'm sorry I got deep on to figure it out. And she goes, you know, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable and like, I love you so much and I'm sorry. I got deep on you by accident.

Which by the way, this was like the first time ever when Lindsay has confronted someone about something where she's like taken some accountability and tried to soften a blow ever. Okay, we've been watching this show for eight years. She has never once said like, oh my God, I just want you to get a job. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. And like, I just want you to get a job. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. And like, I didn't mean to get mean. She normally be like, so the fact that she's like, even like being soft right now, I'm like, this has made your progress on Lindsay's part. And then of course she's like, all right, I'm gonna go like party. Can you give me a boost? She like lifts up her butt so that way she can get out. But he's like, yeah, no, I totally get it. I totally got it. Yeah, I'm fine.

And we can see that he's pissed off, super pissed off. But he's of course been like, yeah, no, everything's fine. Everything's totally fine. Everything's like totally, totally fine. Yeah. And notice doesn't bring up any of his arguments from later, which actually would make sense here, which makes me wonder if he's even telling the truth later. Because later, spoiler alert, he says, oh, well, she doesn't have a job. I mean, she's just an influencer. That's not a job. And I'm an influencer

too. And maybe I make half as much as she does because I'm not a woman, which we all know women have the best in the world. We all know women have a certain privilege in this world where they are just handed everything and the men get nothing, especially the tall, good looking white men get nothing in this world. So I'm really, really upset that another woman is over there slaying it.

But yeah, so- I'll give him a little pass. How is that not a job? But why isn't he bringing that up to her now and saying, but I do the same thing you do and I brought in 75k this year, Lindsey. The reason why I'm going to give him a little pass is because like I will, I'm like okay with people who are slow processors mainly because I am one and like if I'm ever confronted, I

generally am like, oh yeah, sure, no, I think it's fine. And then like 10 minutes later, I'm like, why didn't I say this? Why did I say that? Why I'm like not good at like counter arguing in a confrontation. I'm still arguing with myself about a recap of Potomac from like two months ago. And I'm probably arguing with myself. So I will allow Carl some space for being a slow processor, but what I will not allow him space for as much is that he's really not being honest with Lindsay in this moment. He is pissed

and like he's just been, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He like doesn't communicate and then he gets angry at her. And then he also kind of like mutates this later in the episode because she's saying, look, I want to have a kid with you. So I want to have a family. And when we have a family, I'm going to need to stay home and take care of this kid because I want to have a kid with you, I want to have a family. And when we have a family, I'm going to need to stay home and take care of this kid because I want to do that. And later on he turns it into, well, her life goal is to become a stay at home wife. I'm like, that's not what she said at all, by the way,

but I'm getting ahead of myself. Yeah, it's hard not to go there because, you know, obviously we know how this episode ends. And you know that my head was about to pop off at the end of this episode, right? You know that it was. I see, I thought you were going to be really, I thought you were going to be so amused by Lou. episodes ends and you know that my head was about to pop off at the end of this episode, right? You know that it was. I thought you were going to be really, I thought you were going to be so amused by Lou. I thought you were going to be like, Oh, I was my interpretation of Lou was

really like, Oh, like this kid here is trying to act like, Oh yeah. She's trying to pussy foot around this, this crumbling relationship. And I'm just going to tell him as it is, you're in a relationship. And I was like, yes, Lou, but it's so funny. Cause I didn't even think about it the way you did, which is like, Oh no, Carl actually engineered this, which is quite possible.

A hundred percent. He's using everything to get everything he needs on camera to like build his case. So he could be the victim in the scandal or whatever they're trying to do this season. But yeah, I think like if Lou was being real, he would have been like, listen, Carl, everything's a two way street. I'm not gonna believe that you're some fucking,

you know, innocent little person who never says anything and never starts anything. Cause Carl does the whole thing where he's like, well, I mean, guys, guys, I'm like partly to blame too. Like I can't blame Lindsay, but I'm terrified. I'm terrified. Don't tell her. Please don't tell Lindsay I'm terrified.

I mean, he's just getting away with this shit and it's making me crazy. And I see him getting away with it with a large portion of the audience, which obviously, you know, is fine. We all have different opinions, but then to see Lou, who Lou, who's like, I'm a tough talking minister.

Oh really? Cause you're not fucking paying attention, Lou. Open your goddamn eyes, Lou. I hope your tides go down. Boo, Lou. Hey, you know what, Lou? If you were running for office, I'd run against you just so I could make signs that say, boo, Lou.

Boo, Lou. I was like, I feel like Lou should get an afternoon, like a daytime talk show and just have people come on there and read them for filth about their terrible relationships. Just, you can just manipulate him into saying whatever you want. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I moved us too far ahead. So we go back to this- I love that for a talk show though. I'd just be like, Lou, you know what? Everything in life is Carl's fault. And just get Lou to flip flop on his own show. Like after commercial comes back, Lou would just be like, Carl, this is it. I'm a minister and I'm telling you right now, you need to come to Jesus.

You little fucking loser. Now go get a job. So we're back to the present. So Kyle is, this is surprising. Kyle moves the party inside. They all move, this big party goes inside. Normally the party stays outside. We rarely have the big party on the inside,

but they made it like a big party on the inside. I think the neighbors are a little sick of this shit. That's what I think. That's why I was like, okay, they got a noise complaint. So, um, now Danielle and Gabby sit down because for those who don't remember, there's other things going on on the show, which was that, um, Gabby is looking to get some Dick and Danielle, she even, she just got some Dick. She got some Dick, she got the D, but she wants more Dick.

So they had agreed last episode that they were gonna be women for each other and Lindsay was like well I'm gonna put some chum in the waters I'm bringing in Dan. I'm not Dan Joe. His name Joe Joe the balloon guy and They are gonna compete over Joe It's a very low stakes bachelor. It really is. I mean, it is, it is like, there's like one bowling ball left on the rack and we're gonna fight over it. Joe's gross, first of all.

Second, Gabby's not looking for dick. Gabby's just not that kind of girl. She's just like, whatever, I want a guy. Like I wanna talk to a guy. She wants to flirt with someone. I'm gonna like talk to a guy and flirt with a guy. And Daniel's like, dude, I want dude. Gabby's like, yeah, like I want to talk to a guy. She wants to flirt with someone. I'm gonna like talk to a guy and flirt with a guy. And Danielle's like, Danielle, I want you.

Gabby's like, Yeah, but I have class. So I'm not just gonna like find some dude to fuck on national television to hear about it from my parents for the rest of my life. Like she's not for that, but Danielle is so desperate and clingy for a friend. And also let's not forget that this is Lindsay's

replacement best friend for Danielle. So Danielle's trying to warm her way in here and be like, make this girl just as desperate as Danielle because Ms. Reed loves company and this girl's not as desperate. So she's over there like- This is a big conspiracy. It's not a conspiracy. It's just an insecure person trying to bring another secure person down their insecure lane. You know what I mean? It's like when you find the new dork at school

and make them sit at your lunch table and get bad when they might eventually want to sit at a different lunch table. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. 50 high school senior girls descend on Mobile, Alabama every summer to compete for a massive cash prize. It isn't Survivor. It's one of America's most lucrative scholarship competitions

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Plus. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you.

G-I Jane too. Can't wait to see you. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big. Hey, honest Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions.

Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now! From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis and and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts. I think that Danielle wants to be like a girl's girl.

I think that she views herself be like a girls girl. I think that she views herself as a girls girl I don't know if she's necessarily not a girls girl, but I think that she wants to be like I'm gonna be your wingwoman We're gonna get you some D. It's gonna be fun I think she likes to see herself as this like like listen We are these self-possessed, you know modern women who if we want to get D We should be able to get D, which by the way, is 100% like, yes, if you want D, go get the D. And I think that she's trying to be like this person

and she's like, I'll get D for you, you can get D for me, we'll all get D, it's gonna be awesome. But I think in reality, Danielle's like, I will show you a man and I'm gonna go after D for myself. I mean, she only cares for herself. That's what I was gonna say, she's's absolutely not a girls girl. She's like, oh yeah, I'm going to be your wing woman. I mean, look, there's somebody, oh my God, it's D, hi, hi, it's her name, Jo, hi Jo, I'm a CEO, hi Jo.

I mean, look, she's trying to set Gabby up, but then competing with her and jumping in her path. I mean, so. They established last week that they're both going gonna go after Dick, they're both gonna support each other and I believe in the D free economy. But that being said, Danielle, honestly, you did just get some dick like on Thursday night, like two nights ago. And it's not like, you know, because you got dick and like you have to hold back from Joe, but like wouldn't you as like a friend just be like, yeah, Joe's really hot, but I really want like Gabby,

Gabby wants some action. I just got some action. Let me help Gabby out. Like we're like, that's where it's like, why are you not thinking like that? I feel like a friend does that. Gabby had her moment to flirt with Joe and she was like, gross. And she walked away. She was upsetting Gabby is that everybody's acting like Gabby is some social idiot because she can't get a guy. They're acting like she is like, you know, incapacitated in the guy getting talent and she's not. Well, she is a little bit. Let's be honest. Why is everybody acting like this? She is not. She is a little bit. She's surrounded by idiots that she's not interested in. Gabby is not the type, she's not the quality. She's not low quality. She's not going to go for

a low quality. She's disgusting. No, I like that she has standards. I think that the reason why she was pretty frosty to Joe was because she wanted to flirt with Joe on her own timeline, which I think is well within her right. And Danielle, after being like, I'll be your wing woman and you can be my wing woman, it was basically like, okay, I'm gonna go after him. Here's your window. If you don't act, I'm gonna go for it, which is totally not cool. It should be like the guy's coming. Gabby should be able to approach the guy at the time and manner in which she wants to. She shouldn't have to feel this

pressure like, if I don't do this now, I have to flirt with this guy right now because if I don't, my window to close, what flirt with him is going to close because of fucking Danielle. And that is so wrong. So, I mean, we've seen in the past that Gabby has like shot down stuff for like, oh, he's a Capricorn and I don't like Capricorn. It's like stuff. That's like a little, like, I think a little too strict, but in this case I feel like, I don't know what I'm arguing about right now, but I think that my point is, you're making me feel like I should be mad, but I'm like, it's damn, you know, I'm like, why? I feel like I'm talking very angrily right now.

I feel like I'm all over the map, but I do think that it's fucked up that what Danielle did is fucked up because I feel like Gabby, what Danielle Danielle should have provided the space and time for Gabby to approach Joe the way she wants. I think what my counter is, it's not about Joe being gross or not. I think that Gabby like when once Gabby realized she wasn't gonna be able to flirt on her terms, she was like, fuck it. I don't want to do any of this. That's what I wanted to say. She did flirt on her terms though.

She was exactly Gabby. She's like, ew, do you want a shot? Ew. Like treating him like complete utter garbage. And then he kind of flirted back. I mean, that's just how she fled to her vibe and it wasn't his, you know, some guys love that. I think that like, I think that she was,

I mean, that is her vibe, but at the same time, I do think earlier in that day, they were like, why don't you go talk to Joe? And she was like, I'm in like sweats right now or whatever. I don't want them to see me now. And then by the time that they're like, they're like, go flirt with him. Danielle was already over the guy.

And she's like, I don't want to be this person that's competing with this guy. I don't want to be on The Bachelor. So she's already not into it at that moment. Right, but they're peer pressuring her by being like, oh, you're never flirting with guys, you're really bad at it, and then, and then, she's, everybody's doing it.

So she's like, oh my God, I guess I'm supposed to flirt with this guy, but he's gross, I mean, let's face it, she's already talked to the guy, she knows he's gross at this point. And so Danielle comes over to her and she's like, how's the mojo, how's the mojo, wing woman, you flirting with anybody? And she's like, oh's the mojo? How's the mojo wing woman? You flirting with anybody? And she's like, oh my God, why does everyone think I'm like incapable?

Like I'm not incapable. She goes, actually you are. You're like so closed off to the opportunity, the opportunity to hate y'all, hate y'all, hate me. Don't forget about me. Don't you forget about me. Dick, dick, dick, dick. All right, what were we talking about?

I can't believe you're so closed off to the opportunity of being able to fuck a guy who professionally blows up balloons. And she's like, I mean, like what? Like just I'm closed off to fuck someone. And Danielle's like, yeah, well, like, you know, sometimes if it's not your perfect person, like, okay. So he doesn't work on Wall Street.

So he doesn't work on Main Street. So he lives in a shack and blows up balloons for fun. So what? You don't even try to get to know their personality. And Gabby's like, well, if I just wanted to kiss somebody, I could, but I don't want that. And so Danielle says, okay, is there any guy in this party that you like? And she goes, I mean, yeah, balloon guy's hot as hell. And then Danielle goes, yeah, but I'm already laying that groundwork. So. It's so obnoxious. So she's like, okay, well then fine. So she picks the person who's not even competing.

It's just so sad. And Danielle, Danielle, honestly has made me feel this season bad. And I just don't like feeling bad for Pete. Like worried bad. It's like, she's, she seems on the brink. And I just don't like feeling bad for Pete, like worried bad. It's like she's, she seems on the brink. And I'm uncomfortable. And I'll see Danielle going after Balloon Guy would be fine if it was not like prefaced with this whole guys of, oh, I'm gonna be a wing woman for you. I'm gonna, you're gonna be part of this fun now.

So Danielle- It would be fine if she wasn't trying to force Gabby into competing with her over something she doesn't even want just so she could feel cool in front of all the other cool girls. It's like- It'd be fun if she wasn't trying to force Gabby into competing with her over something she doesn't even want just so she could feel cool in front of all the other cool girls. It's like... Yeah.

I think that Danielle's, I think Danielle sees herself as like Samantha on Sex of the City. And I think that she's just not it. So Danielle's like, I mean, you didn't even flirt. I mean, with Joe, it was like, it was not giving flirtation. Oh my God, I'm so sassy. I just use like, I was like, I use the giving slang. It was not giving, with Joe, it was like, it was not giving flirtation. Oh my God. I'm so sassy. I just use

like, I was like, I use the giving slang. It's not giving, you know, because people use that slang. You know what I'm saying? Giving. You weren't giving it. I was giving giving. Yeah. Oh gosh. And so then we see a shot of Gabby shaking his hand awkwardly. So then Gabby's like, I just met him. What am I supposed to do? And she's like, yeah, but when you meet someone in a bar, you just meet them too. And there's like a vibe. It was like a Dick vibe, you know? There's like Dick swag, you know?

There's like, I'm dead, one, two shot. You know what I mean? That's like a vibe. Like look at me, I've got him hanging off me. I get numbers like literally wherever I go. Like so many numbers. I've got so many, I've got six numbers tonight already. I mean numbers like literally wherever I go. Like so many numbers. I've got

six numbers tonight already. I mean, I went to the buffet, I was like looking for popcorn and dicks fell on my head. Like literal dicks fell on my head. It's raining dicks. I just turned all the weather and it was like in the area of Danielle, it's going to be raining dicks the rest of the night. It's like nuts. Okay. So you're saying I was closed off. Yeah, you were actually. Well, I don't think that's fair and Gabby tells us Oh, okay. So I like this guy. So you should try to get him faster Why are you trying to foster some kind of competition with me? Like that's the wrong way to motivate me whatsoever

So now she's really upset and everyone's partying and everything, you know later in the episode I'm like, why is Gabby reacting like this? I think it's so when I was watching, I was like, this is actually so over the top, which is very fitting for her, you know, because she is kind of like a little girl in a lot of ways. But now that I'm watching it back, I'm like, I think the most offensive thing that's happening is that Danielle has actually put you in a position of trying to compete with you on purpose because she feels she can beat you. And I feel like that has to be the worst feeling in the world.

Like, that is the biggest diss in the world where Danielle sets you to be the person up that she can beat. I really don't like when people force me into a competition. Like, I have a friend, I love him dearly, but one time we were talking and I said, I mentioned how I made a turkey and he's like, oh, well, turkey sucks. You should make duck. I was like, no, well, I like making turkey

because I like the challenge of it. He's like, but no one likes turkey, you should make duck. And then all of a sudden we're having a debate over what's better, turkey or duck. And I'm like, but no one likes turkey, you should make duck. And then all of a sudden we're having like a debate over what's better, turkey or duck. And I'm like, why am I debating this? Like, I don't care about this debate. I love duck, duck is much better than turkey. But now all of a sudden I've been forced into being like the ambassador for turkeys in the stupid discussion.

Like, why am I, why? I don't wanna be in, I don't wanna. But like people sometimes do that. Like you're just doing nothing. I bet you $10 and you won that one. I'll bet you $10 that you won that fight. Bet you $10, bet you $10. Luckily Ronnie, you're not that person,

but like there are people that just, but there are sometimes- Ducks can kick turkey's asses any day of the week. I'm fighting for the stronger of the species. Also just, I love ducks as just like birds, but like me saying that I made a delicious turkey has nothing to do with the like, the hierarchy of poultry.

But like you sort of, like I got backed into a debate and then I'm like, I don't wanna be in this debate anymore. I didn't wanna be in this debate in the first place. And that's kind of like what happens with Gabby, which is like, I don't wanna, this was not supposed to be a competition. I just wanted to flirt with a hot guy. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, look, the only thing you're backing Ben up into is, dick, dick, dick, dick. So back inside, Sierra is flirting with West and her gay is there. He's like, we're ready for your real face,

see our show, cause I'm, cause I'm, cause I'm, they're gonna kiss, they're gonna kiss. So they kiss and then balloon guy's like dancing against the wall with Danielle and just like, it's just ballooning it up. He's like, yeah, I love that guy over there. Look at that guy there. Yeah.

He took like slapping her butt. He's amazing. Yeah. So now page and Gabby and Amanda are like, they're, they're hanging out and Gabby's like, I need to talk to you. And Amanda's like, are you pissed? Tell me it was it about Kyle? And Kyle telling you that he wants to stay in the city? It's so heartbreaking. Gabby's like, Danielle told me I was like self-sabotaging and I was like, first of all, having standards is not self-sabotaging. She was like, you were looking and I was like,

I scanned the room and Paige is like, oh wait, hold on. I'd like to be part of this because I hear we're about to pile on with Danielle. Danielle has like a lot of opinions about a lot of people, unlike me who has a lot of opinions, but they're funny opinions and stylish. Paige is like, yeah, Danielle had the nerve to say something about my relationship and now I'm gonna ruin her life. So come on in, have a seat on my wood bed.

Come have a seat in my beautiful fairy land bed. So Danielle senses it. So she's like, hello, Dicksearchers, what's up? Hey, it's a talent show, it's called Dicksearch. There's so many dicks outside, we should make them have a singing competition. I'll be Ed McMahon and Pat Sajak. Because at the end of the day, I'm winning all the-

Dick American Idol, Dick American Idol. By the way, I'd like to also highlight. So in this party, Gabby looks so stunning. She's wearing this, like this black outfit, her hair. She's sort of like teased out her hair. Her cheekbones just are like more like accentuated than ever. She just looks great. Her silver eye shadow. I love.

Yeah. Danielle, it looks like a hot mess. She's wearing this like neon green. That's like, it's like a, it's like a, it's like accentuated than ever. She just looks great. And Danielle looks- Her silver eye shadow, I love. Yeah. Danielle, it looks like a hot mess. She's wearing this neon green. That's like a sports bra, but also a thing that's hanging off of it, and a jacket, and a skirt, or whatever. It's just like, she literally looks like a hat rack

that people just threw clothes on as they walked in the door. I just feel like it's important to establish that. Just the instability there. It's showing, sometimes fashion is a sign of instability and it's definitely what it's giving right now. So Gabby is like, I'm going to the bathroom. So she goes to the bathroom and Paige is like, um, wait.

So Gabby's upset because you said she self-sabotages and Daniel goes, yeah, she does. Yeah, well, maybe you're just like being abrupt and abrasive. She goes, no, she just doesn't wanna hear it tonight, but eventually she's gonna like realize like I'm the president of Dick, Dick and Stan. So like she's gonna wanna hear what I have to say. But like sometimes you're like,

you say exactly what you think and then like, yeah, well, I just say it in like a funny way, I thought like everyone knows, like last dick standing, that was me. Well, you know, it just like, I think I just like really threw her when you were being terrible, you know? And then it cuts to Gabby who's like,

ah, ah, ah, ah. Like you're crying over Joe the balloon guy, just so you know. Let's reel it in. I think she's, I mean, I can't let myself believe that Gabby is really sobbing over Joe the balloon guy. I think she's sobbing because everyone's making her feel like she's completely incompetent to get a man and she's already insecure about it.

And you've got this girl sitting here like acting like you can, you're never going to find a man. I think that's what's going on. I cannot myself believe that she even heard that man speak for two seconds and gives a shit with the balloon guy things. Cause don't forget that Gabby's three best friends, her parents and her sister are all pressuring her cause her sister has a boyfriend and now her parents are like, when are you going to get a boyfriend? So I think that like she has a lot of pressure.

And I think that there's also got to be something like, honestly, I can't even get the balloon guy. So Gabby's like, I can't take it anymore. Everyone is like, what's wrong with you? Like, why aren't you flirting with this guy? Like, why does it have to be on everyone's terms? Like, why does everyone look at me? Like I'm the issue. And she literally starts doing Taylor Swift. She goes, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me. No, Gabby, you're not the problem. Kyle's the problem. I'm sorry that I make you feel included. You want me to make some guac?

I can do that. Gabby, Gabby, would it make you feel better if you just said, Kyle, really long and slow? Try it. That did actually make me feel a little better. Okay. Let's do it together. Okay. One, two, three. Hey, it's the balloon. Letting, letting they out slowly in here. I hear my services being needed. Hey, is the balloon letting they out slowly in here? I hear my services being needed. Hey, is there a leak?

So now Paige is still talking to Danielle. She's like, so I just, okay, stylish person to unstylish person, sometimes you can't say what you're thinking to people. Like for instance, I don't just like walk up to you and say, wow, it looks like you paid full price for that at Express. And you're probably the reason why it's going bankrupt. Even, but even though you did pay full price, I'm trying to say is you're an express customer. I don't know if this is really landing.

So Danielle's like, Oh, well, I didn't mean it for, for it to go this way. Well, just you have like a way of saying things that's like annoying and unpleasant and unwelcomed. And she goes, Whoa, well, it sounds like I really struck a chord. And she goes, yeah, like, you know what? My personality type is like in your face. Like this is why as a founder and a CEO,

I have to really try and understand workers personalities. And Paige is like, and they're so mean, the editors are so mean because they totally inserted clown music. She's like, I'm a founder. It's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Well, what's also so funny is coming, Danielle. I know. Please let us all know.

It turns out it's the online ordering app or something about her. So Paige is like, Paige is also like, you're just sort of like, you're this way and this is who you are, but if they did it to you, you'd be like, who the fuck are you? And Danielle goes, no, I would just combat it. I'm like, that's literally what Paige just said,

you would combat it. Like you would not hear it, stupid CEO and founder. So she's like, look, I don't receive bad stuff the same way that she does. And I thought we were good enough that she wouldn't receive it that way. And Paige is like, she's not an employee, Danielle. Okay, she's going to be hurt. And we just hear Gabby in the bathroom like, oh, and my makeup looks so good too.

Paige is like, oh, and also I just want to amend it. When I said she's not an employee. That was the implication that you actually have employees, which you don't. So Paige is like, I mean, your friend is crying in the bathroom and you're talking about being a CEO and founder. Hold on, hold on. Of what? Literally of what?

Like 1000% of what? Like 1000% of what? What? It felt good to get that out. So she's like, go talk to your friend. She's like, no, that's dumb. I'm not going to go talk to her. You made her cry. I don't care.

So she leaves and Paige, she's trying to leave and Paige is like, oh, you act like you're this moral compass. And she goes, um, you know what? You're trying to project that on is like, oh, you act like you're this moral compass. And she goes, you know what? You're trying to project that on me? And that's real cute. Not a moral compass. Not a moral compass. It's giving moral compass.

See, I did giving slang again. It's giving moral compass right now. Paige is like, Paige is like, I just said to you that you made your friend cry and you said it's stupid. That's you thinking your opinion is more important. She's like, I'm telling you, I didn't do that. That's giving hypocrisy right now.

And I'm saying that as the founder and CEO of the giving slang. Okay. And I'm telling you, she just said that you did that. So Gabby's like, fine, you know what? I'm going to go do it. I will go see how your friend is feeling. So she goes to the shower and Gabby's still sobbing because she's in the shower now sobbing.

And Paige is like, oh God, please stop, please. Trying to be nice here, but this is disgusting. So Danielle is all mad. So Amanda's like, well Danielle, she goes, oh yeah, blow it up bigger than it needs to be because I guess that's what we do here, goodbye. And Amanda's like, hey, yeah, blow it up bigger than it needs to be, because I guess that's what we do here. Goodbye. And Amanda's like, Hey, fine, walk away.

You'll have a conversation with Paige, but not me. And so begins Amanda's storyline of turning this into somehow that she's the victim here. So, finally, and Amanda goes, oh, great, Danielle, that's really sick. Sick, Danielle. What is this thing Danielle and Amanda are now both doing tonight? Danielle's like, get some Riz.

It's giving too much, okay? Giving slang. I'm sorry, if you don't understand giving slang, there's nothing I can do to help you. So we come back from commercial and we get my favorite sound effect. Brr, brr. So Gabby's still crying and Paige is like,

she's just jealous. And then Amanda's like, oh my God, I was gonna talk to her, but I'm not even good enough to talk to. Meanwhile, Gabby's on the phone with her sister and her sister's like, breathe, I just need you to breathe. I don't know why it's echoing over there,

but please just breathe. I have a boyfriend over here. Oh my God, why can you say that to me? Sorry, I forgot. Gaby, I just think you have so much pent up. I think you've just, you've got a lot going on. And then Lindsay comes wandering in because Lindsay can tell.

She's like, I think my sidekick is crying. So she comes in and tell she's like, I think my sidekick is crying. So she comes in and, um, and so she's like, they're like, Amanda's like, okay, Lindsay. So basically like, Gabby is like breaking down and like long story short, Danielle told her she's self sabotaging and then she felt pressure from everyone. There's like a lot to it. And basically like, I'm the one who got hurt the most because Danielle didn't even want to be mean to me. She was like, you're too worthless to be mean to right now. And Amanda's like, yeah, you don't have to go in there.

I think we should leave her alone. And Lindsay's like, um, well, I think I should check on her because that was like a hyperventilation situation. Also, I need her to know that Carl still doesn't have a job. So I'll be right back. So Amanda's like, um, she is, are you and Carl good? And she's like, um, oh, no, guys, it was a breakthrough combo.

Like I'll tell you later, I promise. It was breakthrough. And then I told him that I wanted something from him without screaming at him. And he said, yeah, I'll totally provide that for you. Cause he just nodded and looked at the space in front of his shoes, which I think means, yeah, totally on the same page as you. Come on shoes, here comes one right now. So she goes to Gabby and then Amanda's like, Paige, can I ask you a question?

Do people take me seriously? And she goes, Paige goes, in that outfit or in general? Amanda's like, no, in general. And Page goes, well, what do you mean? He goes, well, because in the moment, like it was one, like, you know, at the moment it was one on one. And then she just like walked out on me. And Page is like, yeah, no, people don't take youon-one and then she just like walked out on me and Paige was like, yeah, no,

people don't take you seriously. No, no, are you just figuring that out? So then Paige is like, she has the superiority complex, I'm bringing her down and a CEO of what? So then Amanda goes, yeah, what? She goes, that's correct, Amanda, you keep it up. What? So then back at the party,

a lot of white girls dancing very whitely in, yes. I only really noticed it on this show, okay. Yes, you're allowed to be white people, okay, you're allowed, but I don't know, just make sure your dancing isn't always. You know what I mean? Okay, so the gay is with Sierra and Westill, and he's like, Oh my god, you know what, the lip on your hair, it's just too long. You need to show your lip. And I was like,

is it a gay thing that we just immediately jump on the guy's mustache? Because I said the same thing. I was like, the mustache is too pokey. It needs help. Yeah. And then there's like some back and forth, like Sierra and West kiss and then the gay is like, ooh, and Wes was like, oh, you're not into hetero kissing. And he's like, I'm not into her kissing anyone, but me, I'm her gay. So then Wes is like, oh, that's hot. And then they're like joking. And then it becomes like a thing that like, oh,

Wes and the gay are gonna kiss. They like share a pack. And then the gay guy grabs his wiener, I'm like the gay guy, the gay grabs his wiener and Wes, it was like a weird grabby. I don't know. Cause like the gay is more like affectionate and the gay guy is more like pointing a finger. So the gay is like one of us. So he goes and like he grabs Wes wiener and it was like all joking everything,

but I'm like, what is happening here by the way? Yeah. And so they're like, ah ha ha. But I like that he grabs his wiener and he goes, oh my God, ha ha ha. He just like screams like a lady and then runs away. And he goes, I'm impressed, I'm impressed. So it was wacky. And then West is like,

that is the first dick touch I've had in the Hamptons. Small win. I was like, that is the first dick touch I've had in the Hamptons. Small win. I was like, Oh, sir, you've taken this girl on like two Wednesday dates. Can we not act like you should be having vagina served to you on a fucking tray? Who is this guy? So now we're back in the shower. Gabby is still talking. She's still hyperventilating about the situation and so her sister's like,

don't talk until you breathe. Gabby, don't talk. Also, I need you to not talk because I need to have a side conversation with my boyfriend. So Lindsay's like, okay, Gabby, I think I'm just going to get you a drink because I just had a breakthrough conversation with Carlito. Okay, I'll be right back. So Paging the Man. So now we're going to go to Man Yo with Balloon Guy and he's like, yeah, I'll fit, yeah, I'll fit right back. So, Paging the Man. Yeah, with Balloon Guy. And he's like, yeah, outfit, yeah, outfits fire. It's fire. And she's like, oh my God, did you just compliment me? He goes, yeah, I compliment you more if you'd let me,

huh? She goes, you would? And he's like, yeah, this make out, yeah, it's a good make out. Oh, yeah, your lips are so soft, like Milo. So, then they kick everyone out of the party and everything. Carl's like, oh, thanks for calling me. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. Thanks for calling me. You look great, by the way. You look great.

By the way, it's really good. If you guys have heard of a job, don't tell me about it because it's too overwhelming. I'm a little boy. Too much. If anybody has witnessed Lindsay emotionally abusing me tonight, I would like you to leave your number. You may be called as a witness. Do not tell Lindsay.

She will take this out on me in really horrible ways. Blink once if you need me to blink twice to show that I've been abused. Okay. Thank you. So now Kyle and Amanda are hanging out and Kyle's like, what's going on? Well, as soon as I started talking to Danielle, she walked out of the room and she doesn't take me seriously. I was like, she walked out of the room because she just had a confrontation and now she's mad. I don't want to take Danielle's side here, but she had a confrontation. She's mad, whether

it's justified or not. She's mad. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore. And now she knows Amanda's going to pile on. She just doesn't want to deal with it. Like you're just, you're number two. You're the second one in line. It's over. So she just wants to... No one wants, no one's like going to come out there and just wait for you to berate them as well. Like nobody needs it from you. No one wants the second, no one wants to be berated by a second person. You want a single beration and move on. I agree with you. I don't know if beration is a word, but it is now. Berationation. That's my secondary podcast. So, Joe and we get to see some Joe the balloon guy flirting.

He's like, hey, what's the word tonight? She goes, we can do whatever we want. He's like, oh yeah, you're the boss. Oh, I like that. Yeah, yeah, you boss lady. What are you boss lady? All right, tell me what kind of animal you'd like. I'm gonna twist it right now for you boss lady.

She's like, oh copy. Oh copy. I'm bigger than this poodle, my dick. Yeah, like that. It's like, she's like, how, copy. Oh, copy. It was bigger than this poodle. My big. Yeah. It's like, she's like, how about you make a balloon out of an echidna? If you know what I'm saying, I like a dick pop. Tom's over. So Danielle's like, Danielle tells us, sorry, Gabby, but you snooze, you lose. Somebody's got to take them. I'm like, well, that's exactly what Gabby's talking about. Like that's so, it's gotta take him. I'm like, well, that's exactly what Gabby's talking about.

Like that's so, it's just so rude. Have fun with balloon guy, you know, like more power to you, weirdo. So now Sierra and West are gonna go to bed together, but not sleep together, but not sex. And Joe sees them passing. What? Well, they're gonna go to sleep together, but they sex. And Joe sees them pass and what? Well, they're gonna go to sleep together,

but they're not gonna have sex because first they have to take every single thing off of her bedspread. And by the time they're done, they're both exhausted. Truly. Yeah. She was like, yeah. He makes some comment like we're gonna do it. She goes, yeah, just hold your horses there. I was like, literally?

It could take us. I have some toy horses on this bed. Could you please hold them for a second? Yeah, you're gonna need to find an alternate fucking space. So, let's see, so Gabby and Lindsay, Lindsay checks on her, but she checks on her and that, please don't make me listen to you. She's like, hi, Mary, I'm leaving by yourself and this bestie's checking like, Hi, Larry, I'm sleeping by yourself, this is bestie checking in on cable.

Bye. I'm having like a lot of success doing Baby Voice tonight, so I thought like I would do Baby Voice on YouTube. Does that help you? She's like, no. Okay, see you in the morning. I will say, you know, this Lindsay versus Carl thing, it is hilarious just how clueless Lindsay really is.

Like, she could be having this effect on Carl and literally not have any idea. She really thinks she won the night. She's like, my relationship's great. I just had this amazing conversation with Carl. He's totally gonna have a job by the end of this three weeks when he said he was gonna have a decision. I am winning. She's just so happy thinking like, I'm finally hanging out with these girls. I am winning. Like she is just so happy thinking like I'm finally hanging out with these girls. I'm getting to tell them my relationship is great. Meanwhile, Carl's like, oh, I'm abused. And Lou's going to have something to say about this on camera in about 20 minutes.

Well, because she was able, I mean, she, I understand why she's excited because she expressed how she feels about something and she Was very direct about what she wants and she was able to do it in a way that did not cause a big fight So she's like oh my god. I figured it out. It was a breakthrough. So she's like flying high. I get why she's happy I just think it's funny how clueless she is about her. No exactly feelings You know what? I mean like she has no idea that he's like absolutely miserable and planning. She just has to look at his face. She just has to look at his face and see that he doesn't even want to look at her. And he's like, no, it's fine. It's fine. Like she forgot about the rules of

passive aggressive playbook, which is when you say it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Anytime someone says it's fine three times in a row, they are more livid than you can ever imagine. She just totally forgot that when he said it. So, Sierra and Wes, Flirt in Bed. And I know that everybody is like super rooting for this. I mean, I kind of am just because I like Sierra. I want to see her end up with someone good. Wes seems like he's good and cute, but I gotta be honest, I'm bored.

And I know that that happens when there is like, I don't know, like a really popular cute couple, you know, they just tend to be boring. Like I was a waiter for a long time, I waited on these people, they have nothing to say to each other. You know what I mean? They're just like, you're cute, I'm cute.

Okay, we'll scroll through our phones, you know? But I don't know, I want more. I'm not a hater of him, I like him okay. But I don't know, I'm not feeling it. It's a long way to say I'm not feeling it I really like him and I've been very happy with the amount that we get which is actually not too much It's not like over-the-top. I'm I like it. I I think they're really cute So but now they're in bed together and they're being cute together and there's nothing really to say except the fact that like they're joking about

Like I'm an alien who's a girlfriend and like did you take oh, I don't have any photos of me as an alien. No, I didn't take any pictures. Oh my God. That means you don't care. Just kidding. I have pictures. I do care. So now we go to Amanda and Amanda and Kyle are having fun cause they're in, they're in clubs, send it and the lights in there are voice activated because why not? And so the lights are going on and off and they're like boobies, boobs, boobs, boobs. He's like, see, all I need is this and the burbs and then I'll move out there. I'll be so happy.

So then Danielle and Joe, she, he's like, what are you getting into? She's like, what are you getting into? He's like boss lady. She's like, oh my God, yes, I'm going to get into some ass and titties. He's like, yeah, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. I was like, oh my God, these two,

these two are gonna get married. So then Paige texts Craig and she's like, Danielle was such a bitch tonight. I know, she was such a bitch. You know she had a big smile on her face. She's like, I feel alive whenever I get to text that. And Craig's like, are you okay? Yeah, she made Gabby cry.

It was the most amazing night of all time. I have so much to say. I cannot wait to bed session tomorrow. It's going to be great. He's like, oh shit. So then Danielle's in the other room and she and Joe are getting it on. The lights are off. She takes off all their clothes and everything. And then she's like, you know, she's like going down on him and she's like, wow, your dick really, really you don't have to wear the condom. Uh, yeah. So, uh, I'm actually on the outside of the room. I think you just gave oral to my, uh, my dog balloon.

That was the giraffe balloon I left on the bed. I was trying to be sexy. Maybe we should turn the lights on. How awkward. So, uh, Danny, I'm surprised Danielle didn't just look up at the bedroom camera and go, Dick, I'm getting Jake. So, uh, I'm surprised she didn't, I'm surprised she didn't put a towel over the camera at the start of the scene just so she could take it off to show everyone she's getting Dick. Oh,

she wasn't surprised. She's not putting dick. Oh, she wants to be like, I got dick. What's on TV? Do you guys see that? I got dick. I got dick. I got dick. No, she wants to have a curtain rise on it. He's just staring up at me like you're feeding me, right? No, I'm talking about dicks. Okay. That's so West and Sierra. This is the part where they have to clean off the bed. So they do it. And then, um, Joe and Danielle, like he goes down on her, they have sex. It's everything you could want and love. And, um, now it's the morning that Joe's now they're like leaving and they're giving each other like tender little kisses on the shoulder and stuff like that. I'm like, this is a one night stand, stop with the charade. I don't know.

I don't, not if Balloon Guy is interested, it's not. I think if Balloon Guy really does text her later, this could be on, okay? This could be on. So sometimes you just need someone to answer the phone. You know what I mean? That's true. So there's gonna be a group going to Montauk today

and Paige is like, gross, it's a Danielle table? No, thank you. I will not be sitting at a table that Danielle secured. That's so funny. That's so funny. And Amanda's like, that part, sick. Yeah, and then there's like, it's time to pack. So packing music and everything.

And Danielle comes into Gabby's room. She's like, knock, knock, or should I say a dick, dick? Two things I got last night, one from a balloon, one from Joe. Anyway, I want to chat before we hit the talk. That's my new slang. It's giving Montauk. So that's a double slang there

because they're doing the giving slang, which I'm the CEO and founder of. And then also talk, which is the second half of Montauk. Are you following me here? Let's call this meeting to order, shall we? Do you have a thing? Oh my God. So she goes, OK, yeah, we should chat because like you were on a milly with your man this weekend.

She says, yeah, but that's what I was like going for. She says, well, then you nailed it, bitch. You nailed it. Oh, I just want to give you the biggest hug in a total. And that comes from a totally sincere place. As someone who last night was told that you were bawling in the bathroom and said, fuck her. Yeah. Well, they told me I made you cry. Yeah. Now she wants to give her a hug. So yeah, she's like, I was just trying to motivate you in the car. You know, I just love you. I want to see you do things. And she's like, I get it. Cause you're like a Capricorn,

but like yesterday was a lot, okay? Cause like I felt judged and I asked for help, but you conflated that with like pushing me on, like I might as well be a plumber. And like I'm good with making out, but I do have standards. There's a plumber? Hold on a second.

I heard there's a plumber. I need some plumber Jake right now. I like that she said I have standards? There's a plumber? Is there a way, hold on a second, I heard there's a plumber. I need some plumber Jake right now. I like that she said I have standards to Danielle who just banged the guy. That is so funny. It's like such sweet shade, you know, and Danielle doesn't even get it. She's just like, oh really?

Cause I was just like, he's hot, go for it, go race, race. So Gabby's like still scarred from her other relationships and they just decide to hug it out and let it go. Yeah. So now Kyle and Carl are cleaning and let's, let's, let's pop in and see what wholesome activities these kids are up to. Carl, tell us, tell us what's traumatized you today, Carl. So, uh, you talked to Lindsay, his career stuff.

Yeah, well, the way I interpret it is that she's really worried that I don't have a job. And she said it's like a turn on for her if I hustle and have passion. I'm like, I feel like I have been hustling. I literally watched Hustlers with J.Lo. I'm like, hello. And I do have a passion.

And I literally just listened to the soundtrack to the musical passion. So like, what are you talking about? Am I right? Getting gayer and gayer. Like by the time this monologue's ending, he's going to be grabbing the West dick in the backyard. He's like, what have you done? You need to trim that mustache a little bit. It's too pokey. We'll see you're like, what have you done? Seriously? Like, what are you doing? Like her business is like deactivated and like,

it seems like that's like, okay, she seems to think that like bringing brand deals, like that's what her career is. I'm like, it doesn't matter what she's doing is a career. You idiot. Hey, it is a career. Reality stars. That is a career. I mean, Paige, Paige does that for her career. Why is that a career for her, but not for anybody? I can't help it. It is a career. And the thing is, and he's acting like, oh, he's like, sorry, I just had like a brain fart. He's upset. He's like, well, what about you? You're like an

influencer, but you never express that it's a turn on for you and that it's important for you that she is like, has a career path and that she's building a business, yada, yada, yada. But she has told you that this is what she's interested in and she's established that for many years. So you can't just like turn around and throw what she's doing in her face because it's not the same. It's not something that matters to you in the same way as it does for her. Trey Lockerbie Well, he goes into this like, I'm not trying to be tit for tat, but like, of course my ego is hard

because of this narrative that I'm not doing anything or making money. Like I've made 70 grand this year doing paid posts. Really? On what Carl? Were they the couple posts that Lindsay was booking you guys as a couple? I mean, come on.

There is Carl, I've not seen Carl doing like, oh my God, do you know what's great? Sugar-free cereal. I've not seen Carl doing like, oh my God, do you know what's great? Sugar-free cereal. Oh! I don't think Lindsey would even be upset if Carl said, I wanna be an influencer too. I think though that like, what you'd want is, okay, if you're gonna be an influencer,

like, let's see, like, you know, be proactive about it. Like, I feel like maybe deals are coming to him, he just does them, but he's not like, oh, okay, this is my time to shoot content, this is my schedule. He's not like Cy De Silva over in Brooklyn, you know? That's what I imagine. You know, Lindsay's working this shit, right?

Lindsay's DMing every brand on the planet, being like, have you heard of Lindsay Hubhouse? So, you know, I get why he would be defensive though, because no one likes to be told, like it would turn me on if you were crushing it, especially on TV and you're not crushing it. But Carl, the whole deal that you guys had set up was you haven't worked in a really, really long time

and you're supposed to be coming up with a goal by the end of this summer and you have not done shit except say crazy things. It's like, I summer, and you have not done shit, except say crazy things. It's like, I wanna, and by crazy, I mean, yes, the sober bar does sound crazy because it requires a ton of capital and she's making so much more than him that it seems like he wants her to put that money in.

So yes, it's like saying, I wanna open Dollywood, but like for Carl, you know, it doesn't make sense, dude. Like get something that's like attached to the fucking ground. Now I can understand why he would have his feelings hurt, but I Would always like wanting to get married to someone with a fucking job, you know So he's like, I mean I get on like the one front though She's like concerned about our future but like I don't think I ever like understood like from her that she wants to be like a

stay-at-home mom because like I've always known her to be like a career woman badass and now all of a that she wants to be like a stay at home mom because like I've always known her to be like a career woman badass and now all of a sudden she wants to stay at home. I mean, that's great. But like, I don't have that wallet. That's a lot of pressure for me. Okay. Her saying that when you guys have kids, she's like, she wants to take care of the kids.

Like, I just feel like it's, it's like, she didn't say she wants to be a stay at home mom or whatever. And like, maybe this is me coming up with mental gymnastics to defend Lindsay, but I just feel like that's a conflation there as well. I think that that, like to say, Oh, I want to take time off from my career to take care of my kids is different from saying like, Oh, I want to be a housewife. And there is nothing wrong with being a housewife, but he's almost making it.

He's making, I feel like he is not really hearing what she's saying, which is like, when these kids come, I want to take, I want to be able to have the luxury to take off for my job so I can help raise them. And he is sort of making it sound like, oh, she's doing a switch and bait. Like actually she didn't want to be a career. She doesn't want to be a grown man. She needs to make sure that she can take some time off and someone's gonna be able to pay the bills.

And he's turning it into, oh, she's like trying to trick me into being in this relationship where I didn't know she was just wanting to be taken care of. She was being dishonest. Carl, no one's with you thinking you're gonna take care of them forever. The whole time you've been on this show, you haven't kept one goddamn job. Even the one that you were handed on a silver platter and allowed to keep even through everything you put that job through, okay, which is your best friend. So don't act like someone's going to be using you for your money.

You're in the same white pants you showed up here in 10 years ago. So get the fuck over yourself. But on the other hand, Lindsay, you can't just get with Carl and then expect Carl to be anything other than Carl. Like, yeah, that's true crazy. And you shouldn't be marrying somebody that you know is not going to keep a job if it's not important to you, or if it is important to you that you're not going to have to take care of someone. Everybody who knows Carl knows that you're going to have to take care of Carl the rest of your life if you want something more than chilis once a week.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I've said a lot this season that it's unfair for Carl to put these expectations on Lindsay when she's known who Lindsay is for the past eight years. And it just seems wild that he would expect anything different. But also Lindsay has known who Carl is for the past eight years. And for her to expect that Carl would suddenly become a motivated alpha male is really not in the cards. Yeah. Okay. So Kyle, of course, is like, oh yeah, you just need to be supportive. They're not questioning. I get it, bro. He's like, yeah, like, um, I just never understood she wanted to be a stay at home mom. And Kyle's like, so that's the first time she's ever said that. First of all,

like you said, she didn't say that. And second of all, this is not the first time Lindsay's been like, I can't wait to have your children. She literally just said it to you. She said it like a million times. She literally on her list to Stravy when she's like, here's my timeline with Stravy. It was like, have children asterisks. And if it doesn't work out with Stravy, it could be Carl's child in like a few years instead. Like she's thought of, she already anticipated everything

years ago. So, Carl's like, yeah, most couples have had these conversations and Carl's like, yeah, well, I guess we should have had that conversation. You did have that conversation, Carl. It's probably around the time you promised that you would come up with a brilliant life plan by the end of the summer, I would imagine.

So now it's time to, let's go to Montauk. So they're splitting up into groups and then we're back in the city. Suddenly we are spared. We don't even see Montauk. They're like, oh, Danielle planned a table? Okay, we'll just skip this. Yeah, the producers are like,

why would we follow a Danielle trip? No, thank you. Yeah. So we wind up, we see like Amanda working in the office in Yelp trip. No, thank you. Yeah. So, um, we are, we, when we wind up, uh, we see like Amanda working in the office, like we're in the Loverboy offices. And then like Wes is on the phone with his dad talking about how he has a, an interview with draft Kings and saying how it's like, you know, he's like,

they want there, it's a role to manage people who run social, but I've never really managed anyone before because I'm such a pushover and dad's like, hard ass, that's not really your real house, is it? His dad's like Jeff Bridges basically in a cowboy hat. He's like, yeah, the length of your mustache is perfect, by the way, boy, finally. I'm like, okay, he's straight. So then we're at the most unbelievable set

we've ever seen on this show, but also I was so excited. I mean, you wanna talk about influencing being a real job. You think these girls go to Old Navy, they do not go to Old Navy. And I love that they had to go there on this show. Because you know, the mothership. This is what I was talking about on our Valley recap when I said 12 years of podcasting and

Bravo finally took us to Old Navy. They finally did and like they brought us there with Paige. They brought us there with Paige, our fashionista. They brought Paige to Old Navy. I was like, they did this for Ronnie. And you know that when I was just saying, you know, being an influencer actually is a job, agree with it or not, it is a job. Look at Paige, she does it.

Look how well Paige does it. You know that Paige inside of an old Navy, every alarm bell inside of her was going off, like run, run, run Paige. This is not for you. These people are not your people. They're going to eat you, Paige. They're going to eat you. This is your Midsommar, Paige.

Run, Paige. But she did it. She did it for that sack. You know? Yeah, she did. Good job. She goes, so you know what? Like, I think I'm really into you. That looks really sweet on you.

Are you into cardigans? You should be. I was like, oh my god, Paige. Give her all the money in the world for this. She did a great job. And she came with a big statement necklace. It was great. So Sierra and Amanda there, Sierra's Sierra's like, Oh, I want to fill you in on Montauk, but we

have to wait for Amanda because like, first of all, if you ever leave behind dry again with Danielle, Paige is like, um, yeah, like driving home, I was like, wow, Sierra really is in love. Like she's going like out of her way to drive further east with like Lindsay and Sierra's like, yeah. It was like, it was like a lot. Like it was like Lindsay and Gabby and Danielle, like girls who have not always gotten along with,

like it's shocking. And then that night I went home and I didn't put anything in my bed. It was so weird. I'm changing. I put my laptop on a shelf. And then Paige downloads it. She's like, well, you missed it. So I'm gonna tell you why you're in this rayon.

I mean, this beautiful card again. Okay, so here's what happened. Danielle was meeting, she just starts downloading all the anti Danielle gossip. And so Sierra's like, yeah, well, she treats her like that because she thinks that she can treat her like that. So you need to meet her where she's at. You're not some chick to stomp on.

And Amanda's like, yeah, she wouldn't even like talk to me. Instead, she only talked to Paige and then left the room because she thinks I'm a pushover. And Paige is like, yeah, Amanda, you know what? No one really gives you credit for, I'm sorry, where am I? My brain's short, sorry, did I have a stroke? I smell toast.

I'm sorry, creativity, creativity, right. No, no one gives you credit for your creativity or your ability to get me into old Navy. And Amanda's like, I have high emotional intelligence. Uh-huh. Sure. Whatever. So, um, I learned, um, by the way, does anyone want to hear this?

This is funny. Amanda basically invented lover boy. Yeah, she invented it. So that's pretty cool. Reading this sentence because it is alphabet soup. I'm so sorry. Speaking of having a stroke, when I took this note, it says, I learned a bo-tu ma-ah-n-da,

dah-dah, day that wa-hut. I mean, what am I, it's like I'm writing the lines for the little guy on Twin Peaks. No, it's okay because I remember getting an email forward and it was like, if you can read this paragraph, this proves this point, that like, you can rearrange, it's like, oh, I was written by Paige apparently cause I'm talking in her voice.

So, hi, you just got an email forward from Paige to Sorbo. So look, it turns out that you can rearrange all the letters in a word, as long as the first letter and the last letter are the proper letters, everything can be mixed up in the middle and you'll always know what word it is. And it's kind of true. So like-

That's extremely true, yeah. That's how all my notes true. So like. That's extremely true, yeah. That's how all my notes are. They're like this. And anyway, yeah. So she was like, oh yeah, she kept Loverboy afloat. She invented it and she kept it flowing when Kyle was broke and had nothing. And Sierra's like, oh my God,

you were like a ride or die chick. And she goes, yeah, no one gives you credit, but old Navy will. I'll bet you that. You should apply. Yeah. Hey, yeah. So, okay. Sierra, why don't you say something uplifting? So Sierra's like, do you feel like you have an identity outside Kyle and Loverboy? Trick question, you don't. Okay. I'm sorry. You don't. But like everything you do is like so Kyle and Loverboy and you're

like so creative. Yeah, and Paige is like, I wish I saw you the way, I wish you saw you the way that I see you in my head with a coat on your head because you're just there, you know, and I can put my coat on something, you know? It's nice. Or if I say, I don't have anywhere to put my purse, you just kind of lift your hand out

and then I put my purse on your hand and you hold it until I'm done with my meal. Kyle. Hold on, I'm gonna look at you again in my head. Oh, right now you sort of just look like an off ramp in New Jersey. Oh my God, that's the nicest thing you could have said. Wait, hold on. Let me look at you. I am going to read over checks that I just got from selling old Navy credit cards and oh, I can't see it's so dark in here. I just twisted your nose and you have a lampshade on your head and you just turned on and now you are now you are eliminating these checks. Thank you. You have so much potential lol and like we can blame Kyle and I love that. I love to do that. But like you do it to yourself and like I don't want to you wake up and regret stuff. Oh, is it too late for that? You're in the regret phase of your life. Oh well, I'm in my regret phase.

I mean, look, we're here in old Navy. At one point she's like, you know what? I just see use this like boss bitch like who owns companies and like everybody, when anybody needs something creative they're call Amanda Bachelet and she's like, or Batula. And she goes, yeah, well, I thought of designing swimsuits because I have big boobs

and I can't find swimsuits for big boobs. And they're like, great. Okay, okay. Well, this was a wasted day at Old Baby. Okay. But Sierra did pretend to like a cardigan, so that was hilarious. I know, I'm like, Amanda, you are obviously talented talented You're obviously talented at graphic design

Like I think they're trying to say blow that part up don't be just another generic Bravo person who wants to be a fashion designer So now it's time to go to the Jersey Shore where Carl can visit Lou and Sharon, huh? Because he's going through a lot right now and they look great right now by the way so he's gonna visit them and like tell them about what's going on so they go into this house that is wild it's like just a normal little like short house with a flag outside the inside it is like strawberry shortcake red in there like it is so crazy red in that house i don't know what's going on and i hope I am looking forward to the day when it is listed on House Hunters and someone has to explain this decor.

So they're like, you want to sit outside? He's like, Oh, please. I love you guys, but I feel like I'm having a heart attack in here. It's terrifying in here. Can we go out? So they go out and leave. It's like, so how's summer kid? And he's like, well, it hit me this spring that my time going to the Hamptons is going to change because I'm 38, it's the summer before I get married, which means the summer before I'll probably have kids and the summer before Lindsay uses me the rest of her life to live in the mansion that I'm supposed to provide that I just found out about a week ago. So great, doing great. And he's like, yeah, Lindsay wants to have a family at some point, which is kind of like a news flash to me, like since when do people get married? It's our families, right? And the mom's like, Sharon's like, yeah, well, so you're ready to have a family? He's like, well, yes and no.

Like, I already know since Curtis passed, I remind, you know, it's a reminder that I care about family. It's scary. It's a really scary thing. I'm scared." And she's like, well, you should be scared. Yeah, yeah, a whole lot like, we have like young energy. It's just like weird. It's like a weird time for me right now, mom.

So the parents immediately get to what they're getting at. They do not beat around the bush, but they're trying not to make it sound like they don't know exactly what they're supposed to say here. He's like, well, we still have a young energy mom. And she's like, and it's not hard with the sober thing. And he's like, you know, it's not like I'm struggling to the point where I get shakes when I go into a bar, but I do struggle with drunken behavior.

And she's like, yeah, which, by the way, I totally get. And for me, that would be enough reason to not marry somebody, not because they should change their whole life for you, but I can't marry somebody who can eat whatever they want. You know what I mean? That's my struggle. I can't be around someone who's like, I can just have a little ice cream,

so I'm gonna have 10 gallons of it in the house. I can't do that. And I can't be around it when you do. I'm not projecting my shit onto Carl. I'm just saying when she's completely flagrantly disregarding and being drunk all the time, he still has to kiss her. You know what I mean? I would think that that right there is enough reason to get the hell out of there. I would. Yeah. And so- I'm just trying to be on Carl's side for two minutes just to give a little fun

before we get into it. No, I mean, we firmly believe this relationship should not have gone forward. Actually, we were saying that last season, to be honest, and we don't think that Lindsay is healthy for Carl. We don't think that Lindsay is healthy for Carl, and we are in total agreement with really all the internet on this. It's just that we also think that Carl

deserves some shit in this, you know? He really does. So, so he, so Lou's like, so how long has Lindsay been sober? Six months or so? Is she drunk enough yet that she thinks her house looks good? And Carl's like, well, yeah.

And he's like, you must've felt really supported. Yeah, I felt incredibly supported. But at the same time, I'm like, I'm not trying to dictate her life. I'm just trying to shrug and look off into the distance when she does something I don't like, that's all. Well, isn't that hard to be around? I mean, look, I want her to have a healthy relationship

with alcohol, but it's not about the alcohol. She's not this monster. I mean, if you want to call her a monster, feel free. I'm not going to, but again, if you would like to, maybe if you'd like to talk about your favorite energy drink and then say her name right afterwards, and maybe say like, they equal each other, that's cool. I'm not gonna say it though.

So she was like, okay, but you know, she needs to understand what you need though, you know? And he's like, well, she does, but you know, I love her, I love her so much and you know I do, but there's some things we're trying to navigate, you know, because love her, I love her so much and you know I do, but there's some things we're trying to navigate, you know, because we don't communicate. And, you know, he's doing this thing where he's like, look, look at me, not complaining about Lindsay at all. I mean, everything's great. So we don't communicate sometimes, guys, like, stop trying to talk me out of being with Lindsay. But

the reason they're coming up with all this stuff is because of what you've told them over and over, right? So they're like, is her alcoholism bothering you? Is her flagrant abuse bothering you, Carl? He's like, no, I love the one. Where would you even get that idea? But at the same time, he's also being so indirect about how he really feels as usual. Yeah, that's what I mean. He's like hinting, so they'll have to say it. Well, it's funny because what you're picking up on is

he's being indirect and he wants, he basically is kind of duping his parents to be the bad guys in this situation, which I think is true. And in my response of it was more like, he's being totally indirect and not being, not just saying what he wants to say, that like his parents are like,

oh God, for fuck's sake, just dump her already. And that's, so that's what I really responded to. I really responded to that other facet of it. I think both facets are there together, you know? Yeah, I think that's happening. I just think that he's told them all the other stuff so much very directly. Like now he's acting like,

as he's acting like on camera, would never disrespect Lindsay, but he's already told them Lindsay's abusive, Lindsay's coming home drunk all the time and starting fights with him, which is probably all true. I'm not calling any of that a lie. But then he's coming over here acting like, geez, I would never talk badly about Lindsay. And they're like, but she's abusive and they're drunk, like you've already told us this. But I think he is exasperating them to the point where he's like, I'm just gonna say this on camera. Well, because we're all sitting here. We're all sitting here watching, be like, Carl, dump her. Like, she's not what you need.

She's not what you want. You're not being honest with yourself. Stop pussyfooting around it. Stop trying to be like, well, you know, it's a lot of situations, a lot of things to think about. Just be like, you made a mistake. It's OK. You guys are not compatible.

Move on. Also, I think Carl might just be one of those people who doesn't wanna be with somebody, because we've seen kind of evidence of that for years now. And I think people are pressured to want to be with somebody. And I think this is kind of his get out of jail free card. It's like, you don't really have to be with somebody.

You're in a miserable relationship where you can be kind of the victim the whole time. And then you have an excuse to not be with anybody forever because, or like for years, because you are so traumatized by this one. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's so much of play. Carl has some soul searching about sort of person that he wants to be with. Soul searching? I'm in.

Maybe there's some larger issues at play. So Carl's like, so Carl's basically like, I don't want to be a dictator. I don't want to be the one telling you're like, don't do that. Cause he doesn't want to be in the car. I'm the dictator. Sorry. That was my bad. It's my bad.

My mom, I should know not to say Dick or Roman Daniels. I can't even reference it that way. I'm just going to use the bathroom before I leave. Cut down. This house is red. So I think like she so mom's like is it's you know it's the most important part is that she has to understand what you need. Yeah no I think she does understand especially when I don't tell her and I just look off into space but like when I experience something I try to communicate and then we miss each other mainly because my version of communication is Yeah, I know it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine, which I usually say when it's not fine

You know, it's pretty cool. And then Luke goes and do you live in fear of that of an explosion? Okay, and he's like, yeah, I Worried that there's been drinking because like I said, she's upset and I like have to tread lightly and Lou's like, yeah, I worry that there's been drinking because I sense she's upset and I have to tread lightly. And Lou's like, okay, so you love her and you want to defend her, I get it. But when you came to Pittsburgh Memorial Day weekend and you were hurting, that was because of your relationship. And frankly, Carl, it appeared to be almost abusive.

I'm going to nod. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to nod. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna nod at that. You know, I don't share every fight, but in May I went home and they were concerned, especially when I said Lindsay abuses me. So Lou is like, well, you know, I mean, I understand it's a very strong word, you know, but I like my word strong. Like I like my decor. Okay. And like you were really affected. It was a kill. Dick Core. Dick Core, I knew it was worth coming inside. I was about to go home. I saw some Tootsie Rolls in that candy dish. I hope you don't mind them taking them home. They look like dick. Bye.

Dick. So, Lou's like, I know abuse is strong, but I'm saying it anyway. Damn it. And Carl is telling us, look, I wish I didn't tell my mom I had a fight, but I'm human, okay? I had to talk to my mom and there's a long time I literally did not talk to anybody because I was so afraid that if I... I had fear. I lived in fear, he says, his exact words, even better than I can make them. I lived in fear that if I shared something and Lindsay found out that I would get into trouble.

You're 30 fucking eight years old and you've known Lindsay a decade. Get the fuck out of here with this. Is anybody at this point still buying this? This is infuriating. I'm getting trouble. I'm getting trouble. I'm gonna be called into the principal's office. I'd have to go to detention, be in the breakfast club. Huh. Literally cannot.

So, Lou is like, yeah, this is very, like, yeah, it's just like sad. So, Lou is like, well, whatever that was, has that changed by the way? Cuz I'm getting a little embarrassed for you across like I mean I'm certainly guilty and I'm accountable for my role. It's not all on here on her You know, it was like, you know what you met you got married because of the relationship you have But if you're fearful and it's not working getting married isn't gonna solve that you dumb dumb

Yeah, they're like marriage sucks even when you want to be married. And he's like, well, I want her to be happy. I'm not so I'm depressed after the fights. Cause I'm like, am I even the right guy for you? I'm just so selfless. That's why he's depressed. Even as I get depressed. Cause he's worried. Yeah. I'm getting abused, but really all I can, all I'm concerned about is if Lindsay is happy. Is Lindsay happy in this? I'm so depressed that I'm not even sure that I'm the right guy for her.

It was like, oh, okay, okay. Okay. That's not indicative of, hold on. Indicative. I'm just waiting for it. Ding, ding, ding. I think I left my keys inside. DING!

All right. All right. Thank you. Sorry I was scrolling by I missed a day. It's amazing how many times we wind up saying dick around this household anyway. Okay. You're not allowed to say it when I'm referencing it directly. I was embarrassed to miss that. Okay. But to be fair, I was scrolling through my notes and that was an added dick. Okay. Well, you know, sometimes I don't speak with proper diction. God damn it.

God damn it. All right, I found him. Dick. Listen, only people with a healthy relationship should be thinking marriage. It's way harder. I'm not sure. Is that going to cause her to say something? Still getting in my car over here. Well, it's way harder and so much painful to end a marriage than to get it right in the first place. Okay, I'm a minister. I've married tons and tons of people and some people I wouldn't marry them, not in good conscience. Okay, I'm not doing the wedding, but if I were, I don't know that I'd do it. If I were, I'd say, listen, if you're going to say your vows,

I want to make sure that you're both using good diction. She's dropping a Jetsons car. So then, um, he was like, you know what, if I were, if I were doing this wedding and I'm not, but if I were, I wouldn't do it. Okay. Okay. I love that. he's getting all diva about it. He's like, I will not perform this weather. Or I'll even be tied.

And it's like so serious. It's like the music's like, oh. And then all of a sudden he goes, and the mom, Sharon goes, I mean, not right now, not right, yeah, yeah, no, no, not right now, not right now, not right now, maybe we can do it. It's like nice hedge there at the end.

Yeah. So he's like, you didn't envision this, and it's gonna get worse when you're married, kid. And I don't think you're ready in this present time. So if you continue, you're setting yourself up for a world of pain. And I know part of you knows this. It could be because you literally told me

every day on FaceTime that you're being abused and you need help and please send a plane, which I can't afford, but I would if I could. And I know it's painful to hear, but I'm speaking truth, get out. and Carl's like, oh my God, that is just such a fucking mess, no, it's such a mess. I'm so emotional that I'm gonna wipe away my tears with my index finger, which everyone does,

and that's a very natural way to cry. So basically, Lou is like, come on, kid. So, but then we see the previews for next week. And this is where my blood boils. Carl's like, well, Lou says that I shouldn't marry you. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Actually, he says, Lou says I wouldn't marry you guys right now.

I mean, what the hell? You're gonna throw Lou under the bus to Lindsay and you're gonna like hide behind, Lou said it. Not like this is how I feel. Absolute fucking wuss this guy. What a spineless little wuss. And the thing is it's not even spineless because it actually takes a lot of balls to do what he's doing. And I don't understand the motivation.

He does the right thing. Ultimately, you know, it's what you're saying. What? Right? It takes, ultimately Carl does end the relationship. No, I'm saying that it takes, what he's doing, if he's so afraid of Lindsay and all of this, really takes a lot of balls to come on camera and just be this manipulative. Like to me, it's just so obvious.

Like I can't understand why he's doing... Except for the reasons earlier that possibly he's setting himself up to have an excuse to not have to be in a relationship. I mean, I don't really know what it is. I don't know what he gains out of this, or if he just likes fucking with people. But it's so beyond to me that I just don't really get what's happening, but it's gross to watch it, you know? And when you're making Lindsay look this good to me, because Lindsay is a monster. Like I have to stress that every week. I get how Lindsay's a monster.

I don't think anything he's saying is a lie. It's just his role in it is so diminished, and you know, and I believe he's a monster too. He's just so good at hiding it. And I don't understand if you're not gonna go through with it, why even bother with this? You've broken up, you've disappointed millions of people on this show. It's not like, well, you know, women that you've dated on this show, you've disappointed everyone.

I don't understand like why it's so crazy now that you would do it now, you know? Pete Yeah, I just think, I think what's, I think where the root of my frustration is very similar to yours, which is that like, you're unhappy in this relationship. It's clear you're unhappy, but you're like too afraid to end it. And then you're going to end at the last minute and it's just going to be mortifying for her. And we're saying that we support you ending it. You should like this is not the right relationship. And, you know, people get scared and people get in situations and they're like, it's scary and it's hard. And so I understand. It's not like, oh, the moment you have doubts, you should just end something. But it just feels like he's coaxing this out and he's

hiding behind other people. And in the end, the one who's gonna get hurt the most is gonna be Lindsay. And it just feels like rude to me. Well, I think he's, I think that he's been planning this whole season to do it, you know? I think he came on doing it, cause you see him at the beginning of the season starting to fuck with her to get her mad, you know?

At least I saw it that way. It's like when they were playing basketball in the park and he's like, I'm gonna stop saying babe. And she's like, I really wish that you would just stop caring what people think. Which is like a sign that they had had this discussion before and she already told him how she felt and he waited to have it on camera to piss her off. You know, certain things like that,

where it's like, or waiting until they're in an Uber. And so we never get to see who really started this fight. Or, you know, there's like all these little clues that leads me to believe that he's been setting her up this whole season to look like a monster so that he can leave her. So why is he doing that? And then waiting until the very end for the ratings? Cause it seemed to me like at first,

Lindsay was kind of using this to be her scandival cause they keep evoking it and she's gonna get to be this big victim and this Ariana kind of a star at the end of it. But now that I've actually watched the season, I'm like, but Carl seems to be the one who's doing this. Like Carl seems to be the one who's setting it up and waiting until this is the season finale so they can bring it back to the cameras and he can get all the pity and all this. So I don't know. I guess my question is, what's the motivation? I don't know, but we're gonna find out.

So, you know, as usual, we always wind up spending so much time getting into these debates about, not really debates this year. I feel like we're really in line this year on this stuff, but we always wind up talking so much more about the show when we do our summer house recaps, something weird about it.

But anyway, thanks everyone. Just relationships at the end of the day you look great by the way you look great well thanks everyone for listening it's been a great super fun week for us everyone who's going to be in la or southern california please come to our show next week in hollywood it's going to be may 3rd at the kookaburra lounge we're going to be recapping doing a dwell hello tickets at watch what happens.com and again be sure to get your tickets for europe and london is really very close to being sold out so really hop on those if that's something that you're interested in and we will catch you on the next episode bye everyone bye everybody watch what crappens would like

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