Watch What Crappens - #241: Special RHOA XLG Episode with Angie Thomas!

Episode Date: November 25, 2015

Ben is out of town for the week, so Ronnie calls on some friends to talk crap about Bravo. First up is a gigantic episode all about The Real Housewives of Atlanta with the hilarious Angie Thomas (Deep Thots Podcast). Get your turkey steaming like a Kenya Moore oven and drink some shampoo water because it’s time to stuff this bird. Enjoy! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Watch What Crap Ons. It's Ronnie. I'm alone. Mop, mop. Ben is out of town. So I just wanted to make a quick little note at the beginning here to tell you guys what's going on. Our first episode this week is a humongous Real Housewives of Atlanta special with Ms. Angie Thomas of the

Deep Thoughts podcast, hour and 45 of Aroha. We loved it. She also did this week's Thanksgiving bonus with me. We talked Instagram pages of Real Housewives died laughing. The next episode will be posted tomorrow, the next day, whenever you're reading this. It's probably already up. And that is a big one as well. It's Katie Cazorla, who

is going to be on a new e-show called Second Wife. She's also a good friend of ours. You've probably heard her here a zillion times. And Miss Julia Cunningham of Entertainment Weekly's SiriusXM channel, who I met in the hallway at SiriusXM, and Fast Friends. We laughed our asses

off. I've been loving this. Ben, I miss you, though. Please don't take it like I don't love you, because I do! So anyway, our schedule's a little different this week. We have Below Deck coming up, but there is a two-part reunion. And I'm lucky enough to get to record with Nadine Rajabi, who is a friend and producer on the show. And Ms. Kate Chastain of Below Deck will be back to talk about both parts of the reunion. So hold tight.

That is coming up next week, but it'll be a huge episode. And to make it up to you, we have an extra bonus a bonus bonus so there's two bonus episodes this bonus is with Katie Cazorla by the way man we can talk I mean I think we were on the phone for two hours and 45 minutes today that's a long time still we're laughing and then we still kept talking afterwards but i didn't press record anyway so that is four uh full episodes this week plus a giant below deck next week you know what i'm gonna do us all a favor and stop talking so you can get to more of me talking but this time with other people thanks for listening go to watch what crappens.com for our links if you want the bonus episodes go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens.

Check everything out on our Facebook page at facebook.com slash watch what crappens. Love you guys. Happy holidays. Enjoy this show. I sure enjoyed making it. Love you, MJ. Watch what happens when there's so much that happens. Watch what happens when there's so much that happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens.

Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. Very special, almost Thanksgiving episode. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. We have one of our best friends miss angie thomas with us hello angie hey everybody before we even start and i forget please tell us your twitter handles and your websites oh sure um i have a couple of podcasts i do one with um the delightful david clark and grant who's a recapper for Ronnie. And it's called The Deep Thoughts.

Thoughts. We're all Atlanta watchers, so we all know what thoughts are. Them hoes over there. Cast members. T-H-O-T-S. And that's like a kind of just like a, it's sort of like a cable access. Cable access. We just talk about whatever.

Isn't that every podcast? Pretty much, but that's every Wednesday. And then we also do an Empire recap podcast called The Lion's Lair, and that comes out on Thursdays. Yes, and how are you liking Empire this year? It's Empire. Consistently kooky. It's consistently kooky, messy.

It's getting really good, though, because Vivica Fox just came on. I mean, she made up for about five kind of crappy episodes in one scene. That's our girl. So she's going to go up against Cookie? Yes, they're sisters. The new episode coming up

has Rosie O'Donnell and she and Rosie O'Donnell and Cookie have a scene together and Rosie O'Donnell have been in prison with Cookie. I love it. I can't wait. Well, right now we have some Bravo to talk about.

Really quick, go to WatchWhatCrappens.com for all of our social media links. Come to Facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrappens to talk with other listeners and talk with us. And post your own links and talk crap all week. Talk in the live show threads, etc. Come to Patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes. We just recorded a really lovely bonus episode. We went

over some Real Housewives Instagrams. Dorinda. He dissected all our favorite housewives. Bethany. Kyle. Gretchen. Oh, I wish I kept one of those Gretchen memes up. Because we were talking about the means have a wonderful day with nail polish by gretchen so fun yep um what else did we talk about on there

we talked about mike's divorce oh shaw's of sunset divorce shocker. Yep. Well, look, I think he has a legit case to win that one. He married someone who had a different face. This is literally a different person. I did not marry this bitch. Who is this? She's still too good for him. I know. You know what?

She could really do. She could murder somebody and I would still side with her. Me too. And she's horrible. I don't want to hang out with a bit. I don't want to share a shawarma with her. But she had to put up with five months of living with Mike without the cameras there. So she gets something.

She's going to get that lease. Oh, yeah. What is he riding around in his big bus expensive car ducati makes cars now mike has one oh no i saw him outside this or well i saw him inside the starbucks but outside starbucks was his uh van or truck thing oh with his face on it i think it was him and Reza at the time when they were doing their real estate or whatever. It was like, the Shaz of Realty or something.

We're swimming in gold and you can be swimming in a pool if you go. A bus. That's appropriate. Yeah. What every rich person dreams bus. That's appropriate. What every rich person dreams of. That's your market. A bus.

Wow, look at that bus passing by with luxury housing on it. Call that number. Oh, by the way, have we called accidentes yet? Now we should. I have things to say. You should have her guest has while ben is gone

or maria is marie she is that maria the insurance lady no that's the the uh the lawyer thing it's like i said this it's on the bed it's like call me but then it's also i think it's like maria the insurance lady and um she looks like she should be on like on Sabado Gigante, like on Univision. She's, you know, like this gorgeous lady. She's got like huge hair, huge boobs, all things. I'm always so curious, like if you walk in the office, which we know is probably terrifying, like if she really looks like that. Oh, yeah. Because, you know, that lady smells like that perfume you know when

a lady walks down the street who's all in that business thing and like maybe a scarf and the sneakers you know to make it more comfortable to go the two blocks or whatever yeah and it's just all too much and she always has that whiff of perfume that stays down it stays the whole block like you have to pull away. When I stopped smoking. I'm vaping now. But when I stopped smoking. That was the hardest thing. Was smelling people like that.

I can smell you the whole block. Of course that's probably. Smoking cigarettes down the block. Is probably way worse. But still. I need something to mask it. Now I can vape cinnamon toast crunch. On people's face. It's Joe by Sofia Vergara

Available at Walgreens Smells like sex Does anybody even make a real product You know how they have those as seen on TV Aisles now I'm always in those aisles Those are the best Drunk in the aisle at CVS late on a Saturday because it's the only place it's open.

Like looking for the Rite Aid or whatever is up there. I'm right there with you. I'm like, wow, this tuna sandwich that's been sitting here since Wednesday looks amazing right now. What if there are any fries? They have booze, they have chips, and they have condoms. What else do you need on Saturday night? And sunglasses. And they have condoms.

Okay. What else do you need on Saturday night? And sunglasses. And sunglasses. That clamp to your window in your car because it's seen on TV. Everything's like a broom that can also play the radio. AM. Five stations. I love that.

I have a secret obsession. Not even a secret. I have, I should say, an odd obsession with those infomercials for that garbage I can watch them all day and the thing is I get because I don't have cable but I was at I was at someone's house recently that had it and there's a new one for and they're all basically like the same thing they just like repackage them and the new the newest one is this it's like a pressure cooker but it's essentially a crock pot. It's like a pot with a lid.

Can spill or spit steam at you. Kill your children. I love the fake audience, too. They always go, ooh. You know, they make those sounds. I can't even get people to go see, like, an NBC sitcom. How are they getting 50 people? Because they're in Florida. Oh yeah, that's true.

This one was like all the food was so disgusting, but there was like so much of it, you know? Like they were making like chicken wings in a pressure cooker. There's nothing grosser than that. And he would like, he would open up the lid

he's like look at this like and it was some like guy fieri kind of guy and he was like look at this look at all these wings and they were so slimy and disgusting and like half raw and he just keeps pouring them out of this like huge pressure cooker trough and i was like i can't stop watching this yep those are so good and in the few in the very near future they're all going to be starring housewives because each housewife has their own stupid problem or not problem well they have problems too but their own specific product that they're selling or 10 like we were going over gretchen's in the bonus but there's so many and they're not even anything that they're coming out with they're just like buying shit from china

and putting labels on them. So they're going through these big catalogs like, well, I like pink. I'm going to call it Slade Pink because Slades are pink. I will admit that I have bought a couple of Skinny Girl products. I think I bought a bottle of the wine just because it's actually not cheap either it's in a minute i mean well i don't know about your i don't want to insult your fans but bethany some of bethany's wines are like 18 and this is at target yeah that's too much for us all of us i speak for every person who's a part of watch what Crappens, us bitches drink the cheap shit and talk about how expensive that shit is.

I'm like, can you believe the nerve of that bitch? I will never trust someone who tries to charge me $18 for a bottle of Sweet and Low. Get out of here. No, but it's like, you know, it's like Skinny Girl Wine, and it's like, what flavor is this wine? Yeah, how do you make diet wine? She's like, well, it's's totally different we make it out of

grapes so basically people step on grapes and then we put it in jars and then it sits around and then we put it in a frosted bottle so there you go yeah you're probably it's probably like half grape shasta and like half wine it's just little tiny amounts of adderall crushed into a powder because mixed in there. Because we were talking earlier about how she posts all these luxurious photos of food. The most gorgeous food you've ever seen. Tons of food. She's like, look at the steak.

It's like, it's always, it's never eaten, you know? Yeah. So I like that. It's never what she actually eats, which is, yeah, like a half of an Adderall and like a pile of tissue paper. Yeah, and like a cup of black coffee and maybe a half a Think Thin bar or something. Maybe. On a cheat day.

She's like, Luna, what do I have, an eating disorder? Get out of here, Luna. But let's talk about who do not have eating disorders. Okay, so Real Housewives of Atlanta is so great. Now, I want to make it clear, I did not ask you to come to Atlanta because you're my only boyfriend. Liar! I would like to say that.

Last you tell. I don't care. I would like to say that right now. Don't mind. It is the only one you will come on for. So I'd like that pointed out very clearly right now. It is so. Everything else, you're like, uh, I have to watch eight hours and then I'll get back to

you. I'm like, no, you're not going to watch eight hours and then I'll get back to you. I'm like, no. You're not going to catch up on all of Orange County in like two minutes. I would have loved to come on because I have so many feelings about Vicki Gumbelson, the most complicated woman in America. I also have very strong

feelings about Beverly Hills, but them bitches ain't back yet. Well, I'm about to do an hour about them with someone else. Sucker! But you could watch us tonight and join us tomorrow. I'll be releasing at the same time, darling. See how you feel. Maybe it'll be in the next segment.

Maybe it won't. It's a mystery! For $9.99! Maybe I'll tell you who did it, slave! There's so many of you ass. Okay, yes. Real Housewives of Atlanta. So it's perfect that you're on this week because there's actually stuff in

the news, and by news I mean comment sections. Radar. Yeah. Radar online. Crappin's page and radar. Yeah, and radar online. Radar online. International news source. Yeah. The top is the best and

worst news moments from the 2015 American Musical Award. Inside Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton's first Thanksgiving together. They're together? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that true? It's on.

Where you been? There's a giant turkey behind their heads, by the way. That's what everybody, it's like Thanksgiving. So they're like, just Photoshop a picture of that. Cut out the background and put a giant turkey in the back. Make it special. Put an apple with it. An apple with a turkey. Get out of here.

She's getting over Gavin by getting under that big oak tree. I'm not mad at her. I think he's hot. I know everybody thinks he's like some big dumb redneck, but I'm into him. Oh, I love a big dumb redneck. I like him. Oh, I love a man who takes the anger out on America.

You know, the plight of the white American male in his big Ford. I'm just kidding, but I do love a big country man. Sorry, Angie. Now talk, please. I'm going to stop myself from speaking. No, let's talk about Atlanta. No, no, no. I want to know what you think about Blake.

Oh, no. I just think that for right now, I mean, she's a woman of a certain age. She has kept herself up very well. She's given us all those great songs. We all love No Doubt. I think everybody's just rooting for her. Yeah, I think so. How can you hate Gwen Stefani?

No, she's so sweet and fun. I mean, unless she's singing. I get that. Well, come on. I've seen Gwen on the shows live. When they're like, and now here she is, Gwen Stefani singing live. And those songs on the radio, especially the No Doubt songs, where she's just killing it. I mean, she sounds like

a rock balladeer on those. And then she gets out there and she's like, Not good. Not good. But I love you. We love Gwen. We love those three cute little boys with their little skater hairdos and their cool outfits. And I don't know. I just, I think they're just, well, even if this is fake for the voice or whatever, who cares? Why not?

Just to show you where the world is at, just where my computer is stopped right now on Radar-a-Law. where the world is at. Just where my computer is stopped right now on Radar Allah. It says, Radar Allah. Charlie Sheen HIV cover-up. Alaskan Bush people. Vicky reveals she tried to shut down Brooks' cancer

story. 23 epic Sheen scandals before HIV. That's America. There you go. There's your portrait for Thanksgiving. Thank you. Thank you, Radon Law. With the big turkey behind it.

All right, Real Housewives. So it's a good weekend for that because there's a lot of stuff happening. Kim Field's house was foreclosed on, apparently. Do you know anything about this? Tell me. No, I just read that, too. It was saying that they foreclosed. And it wasn't even that much.

Wasn't it like $90,000? Let's see here Oh this is not even recent These people are such jackasses I know but They make it sound like this just happened Like she came on the show because she was drowning And it's a Bravo

Because I was going to say you know Bravo is like the new extreme home makeover They just save like poor people They just happen to be real housewives Come on Sh charie we'll finish your house give us another few fights we'll get you that pool darling i do i mean it was from a couple of years ago but six oh it's been that long yeah rookie real housewives blah lost her atlanta area home to foreclosure according to court records the property in question is not the home you see on the show it's the former home field shared with her ex-husband lawrence d freeman oh okay the couple fell behind yeah they fell behind blah blah blah went in default in 2009 uh yeah so whatever so just maybe like a bad divorce

who knows why are you gonna pay for that if you're not even going to live there? Why do you want to live in a house your husband cheated on you in if that's what happened? Or even if something bad happened, you still want to get the hell out of the house. Yeah, exactly. Take it, bank. I'm done with him. Take the man, too. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, when we get into the show, I don't know if this is a good fit. Yeah. Well, we can get into the show right now because the other gossip is pretty much coming up anyway. Let me see. Feds granted access to Candy Burris' house to see Sokalo Nida's motorbikes. Now, of course, my first reaction is, LOL, you put it on national TV and you stood in the garage. You stood in the garage in front of said stuff. What, by this?

Then you had a scene where Phaedra says bluntly, he's hiding assets and you're helping him. Like, hello. And she's like, candy squeaking. The thing about it is, I love the Phaedra and Candy interactions are so good. Because Candy is one of my all-time favorite housewives. Like, there's very little to dislike about Candy. And I do think that Candy is really really smart but unfortunately like even candy candy's a very like savvy person but you really can't go up against the these like

kind of like dirty lawyer tricks and phedra will pull those out in a second do you know what i mean i think the reason that candy and phedra are, if you, Candy has really opened up and been honest about her life no matter what. Like, her mom's a horror show. The fact that she put her mom on TV and then stood up for her instead of ever going against her mom. Like, she's really always stood up for her mom, you know. up for her mom you know i mean i think that that shows somebody who really just wants to uh understand a difficult woman because yeah pager is manipulative and tricky it just like just like joyce and no i think pager just slips right into her lawyer mode when she needs to and just like when they were having that conversation and she just went her default was like well you know

my husband was out in the clubs with your husband taking money out of my baby's mouth. Like, that's a classic, like, lawyer kind of thing to say. Just like setting her up with the whole thing with the motorcycles. Like, if Phaedra has to, like, she's, I don't care if they are friends. Phaedra will go there. Oh, yeah, for sure. And Candy knows that. Because whenever Phaedra says stuff like that, Candy's just like, oh, whatever.

Like, she knows she's going to say that. She knows how she is. And she knows that because whenever Phaedra says stuff like that, Candy's just like, oh, whatever. Like she knows she's going to say that. She knows how she is and she still likes her. Like she can deal with the most difficult people in the world. She's like, OK, so basically you completely betrayed me, pretended you didn't know me, whatever. And now you're just going to cry in my office and we're going to be OK. OK, I'm down. I'll do that. Now you're just going to cry in my office and we're going to be okay. Okay.

I'm down. I'll do that. And the other thing that I think about that, the reason candy is so interesting is because you're right. The thing with the Joyce and number two, don't forget candy was in a girl group with like four other girls for years. And I, and I, every time I'm watching that,

I think about this. Cause I'm like, she has really honed her negotiating with like crazy women skills. Because, you know, girl groups are notorious. Oh my god, En Vogue. Do you remember that? Oh yeah. En Vogue was like a group of hairstylists that would

harmonize together at work and started a girl band and became hugely famous and then oh my god. Oh, they always fight and they always break. They never sustain. And that's because it doesn't work. And I just imagine Oh, my God. They always fight and they always break. They never sustain. Oh, my God. It was ugly. And I just imagine every time Candy's sitting there just kind of like listening to whatever's going on, I'm just like, she has been through this with people that are probably like even crazier. Exactly.

Over smaller things. Like, bitch, my hairbrush. Yeah, she knows Phaedra's deal. But I think Candy is less worried about what people think and more worried about her family you know she doesn't really care like if all the girls hate her that's what i like is she's kind of tough one because she's not as needy as everybody else candy is needy for like the coin part you know like she she definitely gets out there and has a million products and hustles and stuff like that but she doesn't just slap her name on some crap from china like the other ones we were

talking about earlier she actually you know her podcast it's content and she's like okay dildos who does that you know i know dildos i'm gonna do it you know she's at least coming up with new things i don't think they're just like dildos she bought out of a catalog from China. I think they're actually ones that she was like, nah, see? I have to do it because Ben's not here. Y'all, thanks for coming to my party. I can't do it. I can't do it.

But yeah, she sells those sex toys. My God. So what was happening this week? Okay, let me start at the beginning now that we're 21 minutes into the podcast. Let's start the show. What do you think about the traditional

nativity scene in America? Go. Just kidding. Okay, let me see here. Trophy, wife, candy, Phaedra. Okay, colonic? Is that where we started? Oh, that's where we start. Oh God, we start with a Phaedra. Okay, colonic? Is that where we started? Oh, that's where we start. And it was, yeah. Oh, God.

We start with a... Phaedra. Phaedra's idea. With a gut cleaning. Of course, Phaedra. She's going to get Portia back forever, you know? Oh, no. This was...

That's what I'm saying. Phaedra is like... Shadra, as we like to call her. Man, she knows exactly what she's doing. That's what Mimi called her, that, right? Oh, yeah. Shady, shady, fey, fey. I'm gonna hold you a shit hostage.

It's like, well, I thought we could get together. Stick a hose up your ass. Well, there's a very heavy metal blanket on top of you. Yeah, and I'm gonna sit here and make you confess everything to me while this happens.

Damn, she's good. And I'm going to sit here and like make you confess everything to me while this happens. Damn, she's good. And Portia. What? I don't even poop. What are you doing? And Phaedra says, there are girls in our circle who are so full of poop, they got specks of Snickers on their face. Can you? Portia. So this doctor, this whole thing was really awkward.

Phaedra's like, welcome. Thank you for coming to see my doctor. They call her Dr. Poop. Or the Poop Doctor. What is it? Or the Poop Doctor. And she's like, yes, that's right. I'm the Poop Doctor.

Oh my God. You have a bust too? Poop Doctor. Honey, after we look at that beautiful home on the hill, You have a bus too? Poo doctor. Yeah, Atlanta. Honey, after we look at that beautiful home on the hill, let's go shit into a tube. How about that? Sounds great, my rich wife.

Phaedra, you don't like things up your butt? These two. Phaedra's like, sex, sex. What kind of virgin? What does that mean? I ain't a Mary. But they're both always trying to prove to everybody that they're having sex.

My favorite housewife thing, my favorite real housewife thing, is when they try to make us believe that their vaginas still are in tip-top shape. It's like, that's all anybody cares about. They're like, listen, my life may be falling apart, but my-top shape. It's like, that's all anybody cares about. They're like, listen, my life may be falling apart, but my vagina's working. It's like, thank you. Thanks for letting us know. Sonia's like, ah, the roof's leaking, but you know what? I have a penis inside of me.

I always have this apartment. Okay, so anyway, what were they even talking about in there i just wrote poop down oh wait lay down i've never pooped laying down before i never pooped laying down before wow and then it's like they stick it up her and start sucking. She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? She was making her, she was, I just know that Phaedra was like holding her hand and she was just like, I don't remember if it was a confession. It was something she was basically getting Portia to say. Well, she's like, so what do you think about the party

where everybody was talking about your boyfriend? Oh, right. You know, because the last time we saw, last episode, Portia was like, You're my trophy. Congratulations, baby. I would like to congratulate to little A.U. with an award, a soccer award, for your team,

who's called Portia. Yeah, and someone wrote in the comments on Facebook, why is she wearing the colors for the wrong team? Yeah, because she doesn't know. It doesn't matter. Let's have a cowboy party for my friend who plays volleyball for the Cowboys in Texas. Oh, my God. I just turned her into Gretchen.

Keep her there. They're the same. Same sides of the coin. Different sides of the same coin. It's a hoier version of Gretchen Gretchen's kind of settled down now she'll get her slade don't worry it'll be blade

yeah that's basically what she's looking for I think someone to file although here's the difference though Gretchen is a self made business lady I mean Gretchen is a self-made business lady. I mean, Gretchen is smart enough to know how to hustle money out of rich men.

I don't think Portia, maybe she sort of is, but I also, like, I do think Portia probably really does like that guy. Well, there's a business. Whore mentoring. Come to Gretchen Christine whore mentoring. I'm going to teach you everything you need to know. And I'm going to do it wearing Slade pink nail polish. Totally. Yeah, you need to start teaching some bitches.

But yeah, Portia is, Portia's been kind of hoeing it. Gretchen's calmed down. I mean, she's with Slade. She's got money. She's got all that money already. Well, all that money. I mean, I don't know how much that ended up being because I think there was like a lawsuit with the kids. Wasn't there? I think she did get

money. And then, I mean, even if it was just like a million bucks, she parlayed that. And then she was on the show. She had the show. Parlay. Parlay. And then she was on the show. She had the show. Parlay. Parlay. And then she said that she used her. Because you remember when she went. Why are we talking about Gretchen?

It counts. It's on Bravo. My point is just that I do think that Gretchen is a hustler. And I think that Portia knows how to to kind of attract the men but I don't know if she knows how to necessarily like keep them well nobody wants to just feel like they've checked all your boxes and now you're gonna put them in a little crate you know with a water bottle what the hell man she finds these men and she just jumps on them and yeah wraps them up like that alien lady who was that blonde model who played that alien lady who just like have sex with men but then like attack

i don't even know i don't remember i'm so sorry for saying that i'm such a stoner and we're doing this at nighttime i'm like wait a second what was that movie with that blonde basic instinct ice picks frozen idiot okay yeah anyway Portia just gets on these men she's like it's a man it's a man it's a man a man with a job a man with a bank account that's right it's like any man who can pay a lease this bitch is she's like he paid for the cupcake wine and that's the finest wine ever. You try and turn a cupcake into wine. Actually, she paid for that. He just showed up. I know she paid for it because she called it the finest in the hotel.

It was probably, she was talking to nobody. This is the finest cupcake wine in all the fourth floor. You can come get the plates from all the caviar you cooked me. And please take these golden bottles of champagne down and bring up the finest bottle of cupcakes. Whatever, bitch. We'll be right up. Oh, Portia. Oh, Portia.

Love every minute of it. Portia just, I would say Portia just wants to be loved, but I don't even think she cares. I think she just wants a man to put money and then she can be married. She's one of those who's more attracted to being married. But that's no long-term plan. That's no long-term plan. But you know what? I think sometimes when you a hoe, which she's accused of literally being a hoe, by the way.

I'm not just saying that in a gross way. Like she's literally kind of a hoe. So when you're a hoe, it the way. I'm not just saying that in a gross way. She's literally kind of a hoe. When you're a hoe, it works a little different. You mature later. You get a business. How many old men is Gretchen gonna fuck to get money? She's done that. You can't go work

at Applebee's twice. Once you leave, it doesn't matter. Even if you just move to a Chili's, there is no going back. You know what I mean? Eventually you have to learn another skill. True. Now she makes lipstick. Now I research things on China and then I put them into

Google Translate. And I always tell myself, what's the point of waking up if you're not waking up with a smile about your nail polish? So, yeah, I don't remember what Phaedra was talking to her it was her man because

at the party everybody was dissing her man and so Portia was kind of trying to defend it but she's like yeah they were talking about the Transgen Diesel like whatever like who cares? Whatever. Like, he told me he likes that movie.

So, whatever. I mean, cars turn into robots. So, what? Don't judge my man. It's not Transformers, darling. It's transgendered prostitutes that he's sleeping with, darling. Which, you know, who cares? A prostitute's a prostitute.

I think if your boyfriend's anywhere sleeping with a prostitute, that's bad, right? That's the problem. But at least, okay. Did you happen to catch the little rape joke? What was it? When she said, we're going to run a train on that, or something like that.

And I was like, oh, that's funny. What does that mean, we're going to run a train on it? Run a train? That's like when 20 different men have sex with one woman. They a train on it. Run a train? That's like when like 20 different men have sex with one woman. They call that like running it. Like The Accused with Jodie Foster. I'm not joking.

No wonder she didn't know what the Underground Railroad was. Just stay away from trains, darling. You can't just change the meaning of words, Americans. Right? Running a train. Portia thought she was doing her family a service. She's like, look,

I'm helping, just like Grandpa. It's like, no, no, you misunderstood. Your grandpa was not running trains. Then they have what we were talking about, Candy and Todd having this recon and, you know, it's so dumb.

Because, yeah, now the, I just, I can't believe that they are that stupid. Who, Candy and Todd? Oh, yeah, that's the next thing. So Candy and Todd are in bed and Candy's in her. Her sleeping cap. I love it. I love when she wears that. her sleeping cap i love it i love when she wears that because it always reminds me of those stories of the olden days when like someone's making noise outside and some lady comes out with one of those

and it's like blah blah blah and yells at you and that was like todd's excuse for not fucking hers because she had her bonnet on well i could see how that would make it awkward now that we've actually seen it that thing's huge it's like's going to play Patsy the next day. It's like, what's the big eye under there? What are you, tenting a city under there? Get out of here. The head under that bonnet paid for all your little mini Nikes and all your little toys and everything. Those baby gap certificates don't just fall out of the air, all right?

Okay. So they're talking about the situation or the conversation with Phaedra. And then it's cutting between the poop station and the Candy and Todd in bed station talking about it. And Todd's basically like, like look that was my doing whatever she has no reason to be mad at you give me my money or whatever oh right right right yeah so what do you think about this uh situation i mean not the money because phaedra does owe him money i think she admitted she's gonna give him the money right she probably just admits it and won't give it to him still she'll probably pay him back in donkey booty.

Like a truck will show up at the house with like 8,000 tapes. She's like, I've got your headstone covered. Love, Phaedra. It's worth $90,000. You're welcome for the extra $75,000.

She's going to pay him in donkey booty dollars. Donkey booty dollars. Donkey booty dollars. They're good at Dylan's nursery. Here you go. Here's some mud pie. Oh, my God. $89,000 donkey booty dollars.

So what do you think about the actual sitch, which is them hiding Apollo's stuff? Do you think Phaedra has a right to be pissed? Well, I don't care so much. I just think, like I said, I love Candy. But, like, this is when she just gets messy. That's not a good idea i kind of i mean i sort of understand i guess todd has some allegiance but like i don't put it as a storage unit like no i mean you have a family like don't bring that shit home no and they're gonna keep it

for what eight years or something like that but i would just feel guilty like let's not forget he stole from people he stole from like all people like yeah they he's supposed to be paying restitution what the fuck you and fuck your motorcycle so in general what do you think about the candy not wanting to take the kids to see him in prison thing because her stance on that is pretty much f that like he screwed up and he's the one who wrecked the family so why the fuck should i go to prison nope i mean phage you're saying that yes who did i say you said candy oh my god i'm turning into my grandmother but not as hot so i don't know i mean that's a tough one i i don't know i mean it's more twisty and

turning i think my mind changes on it all the time and mostly because people comment on it you know who have family members in prison or whatever and they're like that's bullshit he's a father and that's it like you married him you knew he was a criminal and you take him to jail like i think i know this is really i i i think if it were me i would run out and out in them streets and i would honestly try to meet the most stable down to earth maybe not she has plenty of money she doesn't need money i think that if the smart thing for her to do would be to try to find not go looking for some dick but go i mean in the literals go and try to find a really stable nice you know probably religious type guy who would be willing to come in and adopt those boys and establish a

loving safe home for them and that's kind of I think the best thing she should do just put herself aside and meet a really nice normal nerd type dude I think that that's really good advice for a normal person like I think that that's actually obviously

very intelligent advice but we're talking about Phaedra who knew this guy was a criminal and who was possibly in jail the first time for her. I think she should just write Apollo. Unfortunately, I think Apollo's ways and who he is is just ingrained so much. Because even once he gets out, they're going to be older. And I would hope that if they have like a positive father type figure like they have a shot of growing up to be you know like really good like good model citizens and

they can kind of process what their dad did but I'm just worried that like I think they'll be able to anyway with with her and the mom don't you think i don't know i'm just saying like i think if that's your only male kind of figure is tough and i think that they'll be confused especially what i'm saying is if she's going to isolate them anyways she needs to put somebody in place to be a father figure well i guess where i don't see that ever being able to happen is i've always kind of looked at the situation differently like i look at it that phadra is a very independent woman who didn't want to deal with a man's bullshit and basically got a hot apollo that she knew was trouble and that she could kind of control and got the baby and then

when he totally babies and family and all that and then when he um did of course what he's gonna do can't change you can't change the spots on the leopard unless the leopard gets nisports thanks Chisha but uh you can't really change someone that drastically so when he inevitably fucked up and worse like totally betrayed her and was going to strip clubs and god knows what he was doing and you know phaedra's no dummy she you know she had passwords to every email account she knows she had to find my friends on his ass so i think she was like okay you fucked with the wrong bitch bye now and he's gone now so i think it was just kind of a sperm donor in the first place is my point i don't think that

she ever really planned on it being a long-term thing or if she did plan on it being a long-term thing she was okay with it if it wasn't maybe who knows i like to think people are much more diabolical than they really are but i think she's pretty diabolical well i love it another baby daddy showed up in the next scene okay where are we now i need to talk for five hours about each scene yeah we're back at the cynthia bailey townhouse oh my goodness is this the part where they were like, look at this beautiful, beautiful scenery. Cynthia is staring at a garden. Oh, no, that's at the end. Oh, no, no, no.

This was when Cynthia has her ex. I don't know if they were married, but Noelle's dad comes over because they're discussing Noel's oh the two the hot tutor yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but okay can we talk about this really quick why is noel being homeschooled that was confusing because they made it sound like he was just a music tutor at first because she's suddenly interested in singing because cynthia said, well, now she's, you know, she's always been a singer, but now she's actually thinking of doing it for real. So she's humble before. Well, I read that to mean, like, you know, like, real child stars,

like all those kids on Modern, well, not their kids, but, like, the kids on Modern Family or something. Like, they need tutors because they're filming, they're on a show already. They can't go to school. They're busy making all that money. But that's sort of the context I was taking that to mean. You don't get a tutor when you just want to get a job.

When you're like, Mama, I want a thing. There's no such thing as a tutor for auditioning, like for an auditioner. Who knows if she's even doing that. I think that that's a, to me that sounds like a very Cynthia convoluted excuse. Something else is going on. Oh really? Why is that kid,

yeah, why is that kid not in school? I don't know. Maybe she's getting shit from the other kids. I don't know, but it's weird how they, That's what I think. It's weird how they keep wording everything.

They're like, hello, so you're a hot music tutor because now she's really interested in singing. And he's like, yeah. And she's like, but you're also good at biology too. Yeah. And you're also good at science. Yeah. And you're good at math too.

That guy homeschooling her. This girl's doing everything. Thank God it's not Cynthia. I mean, she did have the smart, you know, she was smart enough to actually know, like, I need to hire a teacher. I think, no, my feeling was

that seemed like a very far, because Noelle does not seem to be like, well, granted, we see her for like two minutes, but she definitely is smart. She doesn't really have her on the show that much. Noelle seems to be a very normal, sweet kid. So I'm just really curious

why she's being pulled out of school. And I think that's what's happening. I don't think she's homeschooling because she's jet-setting around doing the whiz on NBC. I think that she has been pulled out of school. I don't even think those kids actually get tutors. They probably still had to go to school.

Yeah, they were like, oh, we wrapped that like a month ago. No. Yeah. I'm curious. I think something's happening and that they had to either take her out or she doesn't want to be there. I'm just so used to people saying homeschooling now but I don't even think twice about it it seems to be so widespread

yeah but that's but the scenarios I've seen that it's usually a kid who has like some kind of real socialization problems you mean when it happens later in life

like when it's not when they're older kids, right? Because a lot of younger kids are. But just in general, it's usually kids who have some kind of, like on the spectrum, like maybe Asperger's or something. Or you live out somewhere, either where the schools are really, or you're like some fringe

weirdo religious person. I think it would just be hard to do it if you're only with Cynthia. Like I know, I have a close pair of friends, brother and sister, who were homeschooled. And they always,

I didn't know until I'd known them for a while. And they're like, oh yeah, we were totally homeschooled. And I said, you know, that's why you seem like twins. Because, brothers,

I've known a couple of pairs of siblings that have been homeschooled. I knew a couple of, a couple of them in El Paso as well. And super nice and everything, fine. They weren't freaky or anything. But they definitely were like little twins. They had like little secret languages. Where they would give each other these looks that

I thought, God, you weren't born at the same time. Why are you like that? Homeschooling. Yeah, something's going on. Anyways, I thought that was very unusual. But it was a good excuse to see Leon still gorgeous. Oh, my God. And actually seems like normal and a good dad and down to earth.

Yeah, he does seem really nice. I like his advice. He's like, we got to talk. She says, oh, you saw the video. Yes. She's like, you read your lines. Yeah, of course. Everybody saw it.

Like, he cares. He's like, okay read your lines. Yeah, of course. Everybody saw. Like, he cares. He's like, okay, I guess we should talk. Everybody is sending me pictures of the video. They're like, okay, here's your $5,000. Now just sit there and, you know, stare into a light. He's like, okay. So she starts talking about her ex, which, you know, everybody loves their ex to come over so you can talk about your current exactly and he basically said uh look you always walk away from every

situation and at some point you're gonna have to learn to stay with the man because this time you okay i mean what wise sage yeah he's like punch out by who in their right mind would if your friend sent you this instagram but you still don't is that like the first thing anyone's ever sent you about peter because there's a lot more yeah you probably check your i message boo he's probably got like a gig of shit that people have sent him about peter because there's a lot more yeah you probably check your iMessage boo he's probably got like a gig of shit that people have sent him about peter it's like peter caught fucking the window drunk downtown what so like shit that doesn't even make sense like yeah peter drowned a pig at the wet and wild i think leon is definitely like uh peter she's your Peter, this is your problem now. I'm out.

I think he's kind of like, oh, well. Yeah, because probably if she divorces Peter, he'll have to deal with her a lot more. Well, this episode eventually gets to Peter, so we'll talk about that a little bit more. But I think, because I can't wait to get to that part. What? You're talking about me.

So do it now. But I love that his whole attitude is, well, enjoy that bed you made. Enjoy lying there. I'm glad Noel will be home to bring you, you know, fruity pebbles in bed while you're lying in it. Because that actually does seem like well anyways celebrity fun run oh boy your sister and mother tried to stop you from getting married at your wedding okay like literally at your wedding they were like oh should we tell her should we tell her not to sign the marriage certificate?

Whatever. Like, that mattered. Anyway. Okay. Celebrity fun run. Don't give up on Mr. Ben. It just takes longer than a minute. I mean, it's tricky, but once you learn it, totally worth it.

Justice. Race justice. Okay. Noelle thrilled thrilled noelle loves a hot man on below deck there was a hot there was i don't know who did she like on there i don't think of any of them as hot but she was like yes sir like she fell in love and then on this one she fell in love with the tutor that girl's gorgeous oh they both were i mean they were both pretty cute the guys she fell for good Good taste. Good taste, Noelle. Anyway, Portia, celeb track meet with sister.

Oh, no. Which is so funny because if you show up to a celebrity fun run and you're the celebrity, what does that mean? I was like, oh, no. This is one of those things where, like, Portia is the celebrity. This is a fun run. It's to support Duke it's to support Duke's volleyball team

fun ride this nation I'm basically an athlete and then they show her trying to run oh no it was pretty funny so you don't bend I don't know what I'm riding. I'm writing so much during this. Oh, because she was trying to stretch.

She was doing those stretches, and then there was that, like, kind of young teenage boy who was, like, supposedly staring at her, which she was, that was probably all edited. I don't know. He probably just saw something shiny on the ground. She's like. Exactly. What do you like in here? You need to go to the locksmith

and get you a key to my heart. And Candy shows up. All I remember is Candy showed up in a t-shirt that had donut on it. Like the word donut. I don't even know what else is there. I love that she can sell her brand by wearing

a hole. Yeah. And also something delicious. I predict Candy will be coming out with something sweet soon. Probably. Because that's all. Candy is another promoter. She would only be wearing a donut shirt if she had a donut in the pipeline.

It's got to mean something. Yeah. So I just wrote, poor she doesn't understand races. Why do we got to keep something. Yeah. So I just wrote, Porsche doesn't understand races. Why we got to keep running back and forth. She doesn't understand. It's so stupid. Okay. I don't know why I'm running so much,

except I started writing. I love watching Porsche get so jelly over her sister's pregnancy. Candy's like, man, this is hard being out in this heat with this pregnancy. And so it's just like, yeah, being pregnant so hard. Okay. Kenya, enjoy, this is hard being out in this heat with this pregnancy. It's just like, yeah, being pregnant so hard.

Okay, Kenya, enjoy whatever this is. Enjoy your fun run. So, oh, Candy and Portia start talking about Portia's. Everybody talking bad about Portia's man. She's like, everybody should support my relationship because remember how I'm so supportive of everybody? Candy's like, no. Remember when everybody talked about you and Todd

all the time? You didn't like that? Candy tells us, I ran a background check on Todd. I had his credit score. I knew where he liked to park on his block. You know Candy didn't just marry some idiot. She's like, I knew where he liked to park on his block. Like, you know Candy didn't just marry some idiot. She's like, I knew Todd's FICA

before we got married. So she's like, get off my ass. And then Candy says, well, remember that we were the ones who told you that your last husband was terrible and you didn't listen. She's like, no you didn't. Yeah, she'll never listen.

And then they get flashbacks and they're all like no you didn't yeah she'll never listen and then they get flashbacks when they're all like we don't like cordell what do you mean what but he let me get in the car the only reason i'm talking to you is because cordell let me and i'm proud of him proud of him for that i would say this in front of him if he'll let me speak but when he did I don't remember that

what I just like on this show that they're kind of they made up they kind of seem to all be friends but they're still willing to stab each other and then just like hug if the scene you know needs it

they'll they'll they'll just drop everything and fight except uh oh never mind i don't even know what i'm gonna say because i've moved on to the word marlo and i was like oh yeah please let's go to marlo because i love i love marlo i actually really like her I don't know why I've always liked Marlo okay she was a bit much at the random when she randomly showed up at that baseball stadium what was that it's like some baseball game Nene's like

I because I am an international actress with some fame and fortune Meryl Streep has invited me to play ball for the Cleveland Ducks. Whatever it is. So she shows up to some baseball stadium. And Marlo's like, NeNe.

NeNe. Like coming out of nowhere. Like, what did you come from the popcorn stand? Where the hell did you even come from? She's like chasing NeNe. You're going to fight with me, NeNe. She's like, mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Bloop. Drive away. I love that because Marlo is kind of a good foil for Nini because, well, just in physical stature, Marlo's actually, I think, as tall as Nini. And she's sort of like Nini, but she's more polished. Do you know what I mean? At this point, I would agree because she was a little rusty there more polished do you know what i mean uh at this point i would agree because she was a little rusty there for the first couple years but she right now she's very polished i

mean you know some call it polished some people call it medication i mean i think she's found a good online pharmacy personally because that girl looks like she's got a couple oxy in her coffee it's like hello whatever it takes i was. I was like, whatever, Princess Grace. Where did you come from? She's like, welcome to the Kenya Moore event. Hello. What do you mean? Oh, my God, this event.

Charmed, I'm sure. Charmed. Charmed. Well, it wasn't. Well, they did have Passionaut. Or what was her name? Passionate. Passionate.

I thought it was Passionaut. It was a Passionate. I wrote down Passionate. Or what was her name? Passionate. Passionate. I don't even think it was. I wrote down passionate. But last time I had a monologue about someone using two D's in his name and he didn't. So apparently I read things wrong all the time. But I think her name is Passionate because I thought please let her be boring. And she was. And I wrote down that someone, I'm sure, I guess this was Kenya, actually said, this is my vision of hair.

And side note, you know that me and Kenya get our hair done at the same place in LA. You do? Where? Yes. I'm not going to say. Fantastic, Sam. You heard it here first. Now, when she, she used to live here.

So, you know, this was a while ago, but she was a regular at my salon. And apparently, like, she does actually have, like, really beautiful hair. I think she puts a little something in there, but she does have, like, apparently, like, very beautiful hair. Yeah, she sure does. Yeah. She's building an empire. I don't know. Should I say empire?

Bottles of water. She's building the first black water, the first real black water. She's like, she's going after the wrong market here. Finally, a black water that makes sense. I'd buy it. And she also says, I love when people make these grand pronouncements. She goes, everything has to go right. And I was like, okay, here we like okay i need this to be the vision

this means to display the visions of my dreams do you understand and passionate's like i do i really do and cynthia goes well i met passionate at cynthia's successful launch party for her line of gas station sunglasses. It was her idea to come down the staircase wearing a bikini, and I thought, that's class. What the hell, Kenya? You basically walked up to some bitch like a week ago, and we're like, could you do this?

Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society

that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, and a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for for real on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts listen everywhere on february 5th or you can listen early and ad

free on wondery plus starting january 29th join wondery plus on the wondery app or on apple podcasts do this for me too for free for free exactly you should be in the scene with me i'll make them put your name on the screen when they show you showing me the loft with no air conditioning. It's your own chyron. She said, someone said it needs decor. I just was hearing like words thrown around. Decor, vision, hair. Kenya, you know I need you to understand the deepest need in me.

Like a couch. Or maybe some plastic crystals hanging on a plant over there right passion it's like yes we'll make them understand and then they started and then um i think somebody was saying like oh she said oh can you start making of course because can you have decided that like she's gonna take down Sheree. And it's actually really smart because Sheree's a really strong she's kind of like Bethany. She comes on all eyes are on her. And Kenyon knows she's got to take

her down. She did the same thing. She didn't do the same thing with Nene. She did go after her, but she gave it a little minute. With this one, Bravo was like, okay okay do you want to meet the only woman that ever scared the life out of nini leaks here she is actually here are them both you're gonna be friends with one this season and the other one you're gonna attack me it's like shiree and marlo the most terrifying people to nini the people that she's literally run away from

covering her face with a newspaper like she's being chased by TMZ. Let me pee. I need my privacy. Like, Nene! Nene! She said that they should throw Sheree a rent party. And then she also talked about Sheree being out in the dirt

fields in her yard. Isn't that too bad. She's so evil. I'm trying to look through the... I'm writing so many notes for this. I don't know why. Marlo and Continia. Marlo and Continia? What am I even typing?

Yeah, she was there too. Continia, Passionize. They're all there. Continia. Next page. My passion needs to come through. Marlo and Kenya pretend to talk about it. Don't know if they should trust passionate.

And then I wrote, LOL. I don't know if we should trust passionate to come through with my dream. Rent party. We got off on the wrong foot. Oh, yeah. She's like, maybe we just got off on the wrong foot oh yeah she's like maybe we just got up on the wrong foot everyone knows sheree has dirty feet from walking around her property she can't and thanks you know don't ever forget kenya was miss america so the thing that's so funny to me

is like she says the most evil nasty like a horrible joanford shit. But she says it, and she's got this beautiful million-dollar smile on her face, and she's tossing her hair. And an I Dream of Jeannie outfit. Totally. When she was doing her confessional on this one, she was full-on I Dream of Jeannie.

It's so good. Amazing. So then we cut to Cynthia holding a hoe. Amazing. So then we cut to Cynthia holding a hoe. Yeah. And then Portia starts crying. Just kidding. It was a literal hoe. She's like in a garden.

Cynthia was watering things and then she turns on, you know, Cynthia's business. Cynthia can do like two things. She's like, I can water the plants and then I can put water in the teacup. She's like, I love brushing a paper towel over these counters. So anybody have an idea for a scene in the kitchen? Let me think. School for children. She did something with the dog.

She talked to the dog for a minute. I just wrote she's standing in a garden staring at it really confused. Yeah. She's like, what am i doing out here it's hot i can't well we'll get to the fight but yeah cynthia she needs she she has to do that because otherwise yeah she's gonna just like next season she's gonna have to take the tea bag out of the teacup so yeah this whole scene was just her uh trying to call peter she's like i've decided yeah i'm gonna talk to Peter. Now.

And then the best is that it goes, ring, ring, ring. This is Peter. You want to leave me a message? Because I'm doing a brew. Boo! Boo runs with brew. So, obviously

his ass pressed ignore because it rang three times before it was now which is even more offensive he couldn't just put it in his pocket like god just let it go to voicemail naturally doing the three ring ignore is really cold yeah yeah cynthia i'm not doing nothing okay hey thank you for calling peter i'm not doing nothing. Okay. Hey, thank you for calling Peter. I'm not doing anything. It's like answering whatever Cynthia's accusation might be. Hey, it's Peter.

If someone took my picture, it was just because I was helping a child in need. Hey there. Did you hang up? No, I'm here. Fuck you. Fuck you and Peter's brew. I'm leaving. I'm laughing so hard i can't breathe so this was all just cynthia getting voicemail over and over and then doing that

sigh thing and cynthia's got a good surgeon because her face is slowly slowly inching upward but it's still smooth it's not scary yet and but she also wears all those wigs and stuff so i think those wig caps could be pulling it up too they oh i was wondering because i've always suspected the magic beautiful like line on eyes so you know oh she does it works it's all working in her event yeah she's beautiful i'm enjoying i'm i'm i'm saying she has good surgery look if i wanted to say she has terrible surgery i'd say it she literally does have a good surgeon it's going nicely her hairline's not all the way back in the middle of her head yet that's good that's good for a real house but her sister is still really beautiful too i mean i think a lot of that's just natural cynthia no no no that's not natural no no her face is morphing

like it's slow it's doing a very slow, but instead of getting plasticky and scary, it's getting, like, higher and perfectly plumper. High and tight. Yeah, I think she's perfecting the fillers and the chip clip on the skull. Oh, there we go. Well, why not? I'm going to try that. Yeah, got to do it. We're all there.

I'm no spring chicken. Cynthia looks amazing. Let's talk about Kim. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. We're at Kim's house, and she's opening. And the first thing I thought when Kim opened that box was like, that's from Kyle.

But Kyle, that's like a Kyle outfit from like season two. Yes. Remember how Kyle only wore this? The flowy. That's all she wears. from like season two really kyle only wore the flowy that's all she wears and i think it's part of her maternity to real life line where you buy maternity clothes that you can just wear forever because i mean really why bother telling you've got a husband and i think that's how all maternity clothes should wear why just wear them when you're pregnant make them so you could just stay

stay eating your entire fucking adulthood you had had that kid. You deserve it. I was like, look. I wish it had said, oh, look, this is from Kyle. Kim Fields by Kyle and Aileen, too. Kyle probably would sell her that on eBay. Season one, it brought me luck. It smells like Kyle. Like a true housewife eBay

purchase. This smelled like body odor and it had a ketchup stain. Kyle's like, wasn't me. Sorry. Portia put a booger in there. Now close the box. So Kim's there. She's opening.

Okay, so I was so excited that Kim Fields is going to be on Real Housewives. And I don't know why, but I think because from her being on Living Single, I mean, we all remember Tootie, but then I think somewhere her Living Single, that Regine character, I think because I knew her from that remember Tootie, but then I think somewhere her living single, that Regine character, I think because I knew her from that as an adult person, I really did start to just assume that was sort of her personality. I didn't even watch that show. And last week when she said, oh, it's someone from two successful TV shows. I'm very grateful.

And I was like, what was the other one? I don't know. She was on that show. It was her. It was Queen Latifah I remember it very well now but I didn't I had completely blocked it out of my

brain until Ben was like and then it came flooding back and it's been 20 years but my point is that like I associate her with that character and I kind of thought like oh she's just gonna come in and she's gonna be like really like sad she's just going to come in and she's going to be like really like sad she's going to be

really sassy and she's going to be like really glamorous and she's kind of frumpy and sad on purpose too she's like listen I just want to be myself and who I am it's really boring I like to sit at home and I like

to look at my husband walk across the living room making the kids laugh with his acid wash jeans pulled up to his chest mom jeans i mean you know what sexy not having sex and just being home with your kids you know and wearing flowy things a milkshake every time they cut to her she's like honey you know i'm not really a girl's girl he's like that's why you don't have friends like you don't have any friends oh my god and then she goes between being something's going on there because i've definitely but the other thing is kim is like actress capital A kind of in that way that you know like all those girls on Real House like Eileen is

also and did you notice like she does this really weird forced laughing and like Regine used to do that on Living Single and I'm not comfortable with it well she said she does really actor-y things. Yeah.

Like she'll say, Tootie was in everybody's living room. And so I've always just been, you know, most people look at me and they just look at me as part of the family. And it kind of grosses me out because I was talking about this last week, but as someone who lives in LA and performs, really don't like a room I act as like the worst room to be in here is an audition room. It's the most obnoxious thing. You could be auditioning for like an extra role in a car commercial where you just have to stand there and be fat and people will be doing vocal warmups

like have to stand there and be fat and people will be doing vocal warm-ups like i'm fat i'm fat yes people will be doing yoga poses on the bench like what do you please stop you're doing nothing in that and i just imagine her doing that honey could you get the kids ready for school i have an audition um um and it just and also you know when they when kenya goes to meet her and they she pulls up it's like this little it looks like a little bungalow or something like you know you and i but well you're from kind of a city but you're we're both from like you know these kind of southern small towns and you go get your hair hair done in what used to be a house. I've seen Steel Magnolias.

How dare you? And that's like her. What do you think people get their hair cut in El Paso? And, you know, they had to get some PA to sit at a desk and pretend that like Kim was back there. Oh, just a minute, please. Kim. Oh, do they even have that? It's Blair.

Oh, I wish. oh do they even have that it's blair oh i wish and but i was just it all just seems i mean it's all set up for fake on this show but there's just something i just wish she didn't have to do this yes because this is definitely one of those times where you know a bitch is doing it for the rent and i'm not even saying that because of the foreclosure thing from six years ago, because that's dumb. But obviously she's doing it for the rent because no one who looks at themselves as actory... I mean, I guess Eileen considers herself actory, but that's daytime.

But she's a working actress. Yeah, that's daytime actory. And she's working. So even if it's considered better, even if it's a reality show, it's considered better to be on primetime. And obviously, Real Housewives is huge. But I don't know.

I mean, Eileen is still working. She's never not worked. She's never had a gap. Vince doesn't really work, but they still have that property in Malibu. I mean, worst case scenario, they're sitting in $10 million. Well, yeah, until he blows it all in poker there's a reason she's working too there's a reason that she's still working and i can guarantee you it's in the cards darling have you ever met a professional poker player they're broke the girl

on real on big brother this year vanessa she's like uh i'm van, and I'm a professional poker player. I've won over $4.5 million in poker. I'm like, how much have you lost? 15, yeah. No one ever says how much they lost. It all seems a little, like their house is completely, it's a lovely home. I couldn't afford that house. But I also, I don't like it when the husbands are just home and around. You know what I mean?

Oh, God, you're never going to be married in L. in la and who goes to work here is there anybody working i every time i go somewhere it's like the husband and the wife and the baby i'm like what the fuck do you people do and they're all on a hoverboard no i'm just kind of like i just wish like they're always just at home you can tell they set up that little fake production thing that said, oh, she's like, this is a pilot. No, that was all fake. He's home. She's home. This is like they're working for their money, like in that scene.

When he's like, you ain't got no friends. I was like, oh, God, all of this is making me sadder and sadder and sadder. Especially because when you put yourself, when you're saying I'm basically a really nice person who's not desperate for attention, you really have no place here. So it's kind of like walking into a lion's den, but she seems to know she's above it and there's a certain whatever the reason is,

money probably, but whatever. I think it's to promote her line of maternity. Oh my gosh. And then what was that? What was that? Maternity to real life clothes. It's actually not a bad idea, I'm telling you. At least she knows her audience.

I'm one of them. I'll buy one of those fucking flower dresses and just wear it for 10 years. She said, well, I'm designing clothes and then I'm going to do toothbrushes. You know those stands that you hang the bananas on in the kitchen well I'm gonna make those like she had all that was it was seemed just kind of all over the place it's the most awkward character to start off with to have like a housewares line so I hope she doesn't do that no one wants to buy a candle called tootie no no it literally seemed like she was like, I don't know. Like, oh, this is where I have to pitch what I'm going to sell.

Okay. Like whatever was our first episode. She's like, I'm Meryl Streep Tootie from television's television and part of your family. You might recognize me from the dinner table. Remember on the Brady Bunch when Jan had to come up with a fake boyfriend name and she was standing at the window and she said, George Glass. Anastasia

Beaverhausen. Anyway, I don't, I don't, this just makes me, I, you know, I was hoping, I honestly was really hoping that she had a lot of, well, I mean, maybe she does. But I was hoping that her life would be much grander

and that she would be kind of really awful. I was really hoping that she would be really nasty. I have a pretty good eye. And actually, it's not really a psychic ability. It's kind of the fact that Bravo just kind of recycles bitches over and over yeah i'm pretty good at spotting the ones that are evil and then are going to turn or that are nice and then are going to turn evil later i really just don't see it in her i see like i see the actory obnoxious part but she seems very nice and even the actory part i get that she's being

blustery because you know she feels like she doesn't have long weird yeah yeah she's like why would i be on a red carpet i've got kids i'm like also yeah because why would you be on a red carpet because you have to promote your you have to promote your banana tree thing exactly well you can have a red carpet for your maternity to to day wear or whatever date of maternity tonight those girls like, they have no pretense whatsoever. I mean like, Kenya would stand up and say like, well, you know,

now I'm making booty glitter and I'm here and I'm going to promote it and I'm Duke's wearing it and I'm wearing it. I mean like, they don't care. And I start believing it too. And I'm like, yeah, I want to order some.

Yep. Well, 2D is basically like, look, I'm television's 2D. I'm broke. What else is going on? Now, listen here.

Here's your way you can send me money. You can buy my maternity today to evening wear. That I haven't made. I'll possibly come out with, you know what? I'm setting up a PayPal. Just click on my face, which you'll see at the bottom right hand of your screen right now. And I don't even want to, I i mean we've been talking shit about her but so far she just seems very nice like i don't even know how we talked this much about her we

should call this the very special we talked a bunch about 2d we talked about more in 2d in an hour more 2d in an hour than anyone ever in life the what the craziest thing about her is her hair well she knows she's got a hairality like a hair personality what would you call that a person not a person a quaffinality let's call it a quaffinality no it's too stupid it's like an old person says quaff a hair personality what would that be a weavingality yeah the hair is doing most of the work a person out a weave i don't know i'll come up with something but anyway yeah she's got like, look, today I'm wearing crazy Afro blonde hair. Today

I'm wearing headband and, you know, straightened bangs hair. Oh, God. Who are you going to vote for, Tootie? Well, let me let my wig tell you. It's like, oh, Tootie, darling, get a hobby. Oh, yeah. That hair is doing a lot of the heavy

lifting for her. Okay. Okay, yeah. That hair is doing a lot of the heavy lifting for her. Okay. Okay, walk up. So, we go to Kenya's party. Did you forget about Brandon? Hello? Can't place him.

Who now? Brandon, the... I'm kidding. I know who Brandon is. Who now? Brandon. I'm kidding. I know who Brandon is. Yes, of course. And now he's like her party planner. Yes. After he's done with his. Hello.

Hello. Are you not there anymore? I lost you for a minute. Oh, no, Angie. Okay. What minute? This is an hour and 12, darling. Okay.

I'll have to remember that. Let me write it. Okay. Yes. Of course. I remember who Brandon is. this is an hour and 12 darling okay I'll have to remember that let me write it okay yes of course I remember who Branton is and I'm glad that he made it back from whatever film set he was on oh a Kenya Moore production

yes K Moore he's like just got out of the editing bay for Kenya Climbs the Hill it's a tough one in there it's a tough one we all. It's a tough one.

We all agree you're going to win something. Not sure what. Dave is wearing his pink party planner blazer. Uh-huh. And walking around doing things that Brandon does. Like going, no, over there. No, that needs to be grander and more pretty. This is Kenya Moore's vision.

Also, did you notice? I know you guys are obsessed with the music, but the music on this episode was crazy. It was like Atlanta's getting its own little spin on music right now. Atlanta is taking basically 500 songs that are not housewives-y at all. Most of them are kind of awesome because they stay within the housewives. Yeah. Like the coconut.

Yeah. The bubbles. But this one's like straight up random things from the radio that you've never heard, but you're sure. I don't know. You know what I mean? There was about like 18 seconds. Remember the beginning of that Beastie Boys song Brass Monkey? And it went...

It was a saxophone. Yes. Remember the beginning of that Beastie Boys song Brass Monkey? And it went, eh, eh. It was a saxophone. Yes. It was basically like that. It was like the opening to Brass Monkey, just kind of randomly thrown in before King is partying. And it's just to watch Portia walk upstairs. Yeah.

It's like, dun-dun, dun-dun, dun-dun, yeah. It's too housewives-y for that, but it was really dramatic. And then it's just Portia and her friend. We gotta walk up the stairs? This is hot. It's hot. I hate stairs. Me too.

And I love it because Kenya, and we know this party's going to be a disaster because Kenya already said it has to be perfect. And Kenya already said, like, I want it to be cold. Like, I want it to be a freezing cold room. Kenya's post-production scene where she's like, get that passionata over here. It's like, listen, now that everybody's pissed and I'm already getting terrible Yelp reviews on my party, we need to film a scene where I'm telling you to get better air conditioning. All right, bitch. She's like, okay.

Can I still have my name on it? There's no air conditioning in that loft. No. And you need it after walking up all those flights of stairs. And it was Atlanta and it was in July. Portia said she probably spent a lot of money on her weave tonight. Let's just talk about this party.

First of all, shit, what do they call those like step and what do they call those things step and something step and repeats can you have like four step and repeats which is basically like a huge billboard of her face that was the decor and then it looked like somebody i guess brandon had sent his assistant to Costco to get those, like, drink dispensers like we have at our Fourth of July party. And then they put Sunny Delight in one. He's like, all right, everybody, write your name on your red cup. Okay? We don't have a sink up here, so you're not going to be able to wash out random cups.

Okay, everybody? This is Kenya Moore's experience. I love it. That candy. Of course. And they was so, and they, they are so,

the editors are so shady. It's poor, you know, we had the poor pregnant lady who has to like climb up the stairs and she's like, could I just get a glass of water? And the guy was like,

all we have is Sunny Delight. It's like, it's not here yet. Would you like some Kool-Aid mixed with old lady sweat? We've got that. Some old lady passed out, so we've just been squeezing her dry. But it tastes delicious, really.

A little sugar. So the best thing in this party, besides the no furniture in the room. Oh, can we take a break before we start talking about this party? Because we've only been talking for an hour and 15 minutes about an hour-long show. A 40-minute show. But we have to talk about NeNe on The View. Did you see it? talking about this party because we've only been talking for an hour and 15 minutes about an hour long show, a 40 minute show, but we have to talk about Nene on The View. Did you see it? Oh, no, but what happened?

Nene goes on The View and she's trying to give attitude and Joy is like, what? What does that mean? Because she would say, so something about like your talk about your marriage all the time blah blah blah so why'd you get divorced then she says something like that and Nene's like

because I had to teach him honey and then people are like yeah yeah or we're clapping and she's like what what do you mean what'd you teach him I mean what'd you teach him with divorce she's like not to cross me honey ever and Troy's like okay whatever what's your voice? She's like, not to cross me, honey, ever. Troy's like,

okay, whatever. What's that mean? Like, looking around like, anybody know what that means? And then they show pictures of Nini's house, because she's like,

I've got a new house, honey. You know, Nini's like, all bluster, like, doing the head roll and that thing where she makes spirit fingers and then closes her fingers one fingernail at a time, you know,

like a, yeah, evil person saying, come here. She's doing that a lot while she talks. I'm like moving her head. And she's like, that's my house, honey. It's in a magazine. And Joy's like, Joy's like,

wow, great house. How come there's no furniture in it? Where's the furniture in the house? Because it was totally empty. And then he goes, well, we gave them permission for the house, honey, not the furniture, the house because it was totally empty and nini goes um well we gave them permission for the house honey not the furniture okay and she's like uh what what why what's a what's a furniture and she goes uh because we need our privacy okay so we didn't allow that to be photographed and she's like nini's used to talking to people like porsche joy just looked like you fucking idiot.

And she didn't hide it at all. She's like, whatever, you fucking moron. You won't answer one question. And then Nene's like, okay with Joy. I can't with her. I just can't. Mean girl. Yes, and then she goes on Twitter and she's like, just sat with.

I love how people have to type on Twitter to make it short. It's like, just sat with G, mean girl. Mean. Joy Behar is a 70-year-old woman. I think she's earned the right to be called a mean woman. No kidding. She's certainly earned the right to go, huh? What?

What? What's she talking about? What? No furniture. What? What, does furniture need secrecy? Yeah. What year is this?

What is furniture doing? What's your furniture doing that it need secrecy? What year is this? What is furniture doing? What's your furniture doing that it needs secrecy? It needs its privacy, honey. My love, see. This is obviously not an Andy Cohen produced thing. I don't think she knows how to even deal with it if it's not a Bravo thing. Exactly. Where she can just yell at everybody and go, uh-uh, bloop, not talking about it, move on.

Or Ryan Murphy behind the camera going, oh yeah, girl, I about it. Move on. Or Ryan Murphy behind the camera going, oh, yeah, girl. I love it. Well, notice that she's not around as much. Is she doing the American Horror Story? No. She wasn't on that. She was on the New Normal. No, I know. I'm just trying to think of shows that he has going on.

She's on Glee for a couple of episodes. And then she had a recurring part on new normal which they only did one season well i saw the thing where she did she played all the characters in her family like eddie murphy oh no yeah that's what i said okay anyway i just had to mention that because it was if you guys have not seen that please i mean i'm sure you've seen it but please google it and don't just read the article about it um Watch the entire six-minute segment. Because watching Nene try and just brush Joy off and go, oh, whatever, honey. And change the subject and Joy going, huh?

What? What? What's she talking about? It's the best thing. So awesome. Yay, Joy. Yay, do it. Okay.

So back to Kenya's party. There's some new girl named Shamaya. Shamaya. Shamaya? Shamaya? Shamay? Shamay. Kenya's party. There's some new girl named Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. She's good.

That's a little shit starter right there. Oh, totally. Well, it's pronounced Shamiya, which I love. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya.

Shamiya. Shamiya. Shamiya. Who? That's what she was drinking. Oh, I'm Shamiya. I have Shiba Shari. Well, I'm Chimay. I have Chibashire. Well, I have Chardonnay.

Bye. That's her name? I already forgot. Chimay. Chimay. I was going to say Sade. I can't rhyme things without getting a head jumbled. More like sardine.

So she came earning her spot. This girl was like at the Annie auditions. She was wearing a redhead curly wig like little Annie. She was going to get the starring role in the Community Theater production of Annie. She was. She came just bursting out the gate. She was like, Kenya Moore, what stairs? What?

A loft? What? That poor bitch. Going off on her. And then, of course, because she's Portche's friend and porsche doesn't like kenya so they start making fun of the product and stuff while porsche is pretending that she's being supportive and this girl's like look at these shampoo bottles it doesn't smell like anything i'll bet it's water and then she drinks it and it is water because they've all kept talking about

how hot it was we also and we know that there's no water and she drank the shampoo and it is water because they've all kept talking about how hot it was we also and we know that there's no water and she drank the shampoo and it was water it was water because there's still no shampoo made i mean girl you put five commercials in your own youtube video about the hair product but that's why kenya it's like that's what we're saying like that's the difference in between a kenya and a kim you know what i mean like kenya she there's no filter like there's no nothing kenya like does not care yeah she's just obviously doing it because she has to do something on the she has to do something on the show yeah kenya has to do something she can't go back to that she can't go back to that she can't

go back to that cardboard skeleton house so she's got to come up she's got to come up with something i mean why not that she's like there's some empty shampoo bottles in my storage unit get them out put some water in it like who even talked to her in that marketing meeting those bottles are shaped like triangles how are those gonna fit on a shelf? You can't even fit those. They take like double the shelf space of a normal bottle, you idiot. Like, how do you even fit that? She's like, I just, yes, I want there to be giant spaces between the bottles. That's just how it's going to be at Target, okay?

Just tell Target it was my experience. This is my experience. The Kenya Moore experience. And I also want them to turn down their air conditioning okay people are too hot and target i will not have it oh wait but we have to talk about kenya's boyfriend was this the first time we've seen her boyfriend i think so yeah um i'm trying to think who he looks like oh i don't. I couldn't put my finger on it. Someone, though. It's kind of like the guy who played Hellboy, who's now in Hand of God,

who was in Sons of Anarchy. Ron Perlman. Oh, he was the beast. Yeah, he's kind of... He is the beast. All right, beasts are hot. I'm a bear. He's kind of Ron Perlman.

I mean, Ron Perlman's not, but still. He's Ron Perlman-y, mixed with a little... I don't know, like Donald Sutherland. It's no one great. It's not like a young Robert De Niro and a Marlon Brando. It's more like. He's a Monet because, you know, he's a very striking man. And like when they came in together, I mean, like he's tall.

He's got a hot body. He's got, you know, he's very well groomed. Like he had a really cool hair. Like it's a hair party. I think that's what freaked me out is I couldn't get a, I couldn't pinpoint a judgment on him because he had scrubbed everything away. It's like evident. He scrubbed away all the evidence.

He was so clean and shiny and well-groomed that I was like, who are you? Who are you? She knew that she was just sort of like, we're are you, Mr. Iman? She knew that. She was just sort of like, we're just going to, it's meant to be a little fuzzy. It's meant to be a little blurry. Because notice she kind of like, she did her lap through like, yes, he's with me. And then she whisked him out of there really fast.

Yeah. Because there wasn't air conditioning. She's like, I'm not hanging out in a loft online without air conditioning. Call production. What the fuck? Come on, Ron. Let's go. I like him, though, because he's very, which he storms out of her own party because of the lack of air conditioning.

That was the best. P.S. So Kenya. I'm done. Yeah. I'm not doing this scene. So he's telling her, you know, I think it would be really nice if you went back in and just, you know, maybe said sorry because people are hot. She's like, no, this wasn't how I positively, creatively visualize things.

I'm a visionary. He has served his purpose. Yeah, he made Kenya say sorry once. Okay, you can break up with him now. Can you say sorry once? Okay, you can break up with him now. So this turned into some crazy, weird moment with Sheree. And again, it was a totally different song.

Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Brr, bum, bum, bum, bum, shark week. It's like Shark Week and Cirque du Soleil music. And Sheree comes in. And Sheree tells us. Sweating as usual. Well, poor thing is never going to have a scene not sweating. They're like, okay, if your next scene, it's going to be July, 100 degrees, go up five flights of stairs and fight with Kenya.

In these leather pants. One of the first things she says is, I'm a lady. Which killed me. I don't like the new, I don't like the new sweeter, gentler Shrae. That bitch needs to bring the beast back. I like that she's going to give it time

before she rips someone's head off. She's letting him marinate like a good steak. Somebody is going to die. I think that's going to be the grand finale. the grand finale The grand finale is Shrae is literally going to murder someone And it's going to be on national television

And they're all in her range I mean no one's going to be exempt Or she'll try and hire somebody to murder somebody and they'll be like, we have not been paid yet. Exactly. Well, we got to talk about contracts. Because the whole thing here is about

contracts. And that's what people don't understand. Is that when you build a house, there are contracts. Yes, we know. People don't understand what it's like to deal with construction workers who are paid to do things and then don't do them.

Oh, so it's the construction workers themselves. Oh, got it. Got it. She should tell the credit card companies that. The other thing is that Atlanta's taken a little bit of a cue from Real Housewives of New York, where they're just like putting, since Nene's gone, they're just kind of like replacing Nene with a bunch of people.

You know, so it's like in the scene we saw Claudia. We saw them. It's Lawrence. Poor Claudia, though. You know Claudia was not even trying to be on the show anymore. She got so fired They were like okay just wear a t-shirt It's an outdoor picnic

And she's like okay And everybody else is in like a ball gown Oh I thought we were all going to do laundry Yeah She walks in with her basket What guys Thought it was a slumber party The old juicy sweatpants

No I just They just threw everybody What? Guys? Thought it was a slumber party. The old juicy sweatpants. She was. No, I just am like, they just threw everybody in. Like, everybody, everybody, everybody. King is a boyfriend. Yeah, you too. Come on, everybody. And they're all trying to just get their memes in the whole show too. Portia, she's like, look who walked in.

Sheree bought Seahulk. Oh, I know. Come on. tootie's husband looked terrified the whole scene and so did she they all sat around in this awkward kind of waiting room area over to the side where there was no one else it was like this i think this was probably the only seat i think they were at least that we could see they're like okay you guys go sit over there there's a fan there's a fan above you and so everybody's talking about see. They're like, okay, you guys go sit over there. There's a fan. There's a fan above you. And so everybody's talking about nothing really. They're like, ooh, what?

Transgender prostitute, what? Well, you know, she's mad at her because she's fucking this guy who's got a trans, all this stuff. And Tootie's like, um, uh-huh, uh-huh. So what kind of maternity clothes do you guys wear? Were you into elastic or more of like a looser Spanx type thing? Like, bitch, did you hear us?

And the poor husband's just so bored. He has braces and gold shoes. He does? Duke does. Oh, Duke. I was like, whoa, I've really not been paying attention. I can't get past his prices. We didn't even mention where Portia goes.

Everybody's talking about Duke. But I'll see what Duke has to say about that if he ever calls me back. Poor thing. He's like, bye. Thanks for the soccer trophy. Bye. Yeah. She's like hello trophy star i need a special trophy dick is better d-u-q-u-e i think he's rich so okay let's wrap it up here. What else did we have? We're going to be talking.

We don't have Ben sending me my little secret shock through the phone. Wrap it up. Yeah, also, let's see. Oh, Sharae shaded Kenya by her contact. Oh, yeah, erosion. I just remember she said something about erosion, and I thought that was funny. Yeah, so basically Kenya and Sheree have their talk because she was invited

to this. She was so lucky to be invited to this party. She's like, when I'm invited to an event, even if I don't like the person, I go because there are people with cameras and their phone. Their phones. Go to Instagram.

There are all these people in this room that I have yet to hit. If you can get on Instagram and turn every like into a dollar, you'll be living under a roof. That's what I always say. Oh, boy. So they have this talk, and they're both being really weird and, like, mayorly. And Kenya says, should we? We should have a talk. And Trey's like, yes.

Yes, we should. And they walk off to the, I guess, only air conditioned spot in the place. They're like in the bathroom still. And Kenya says, well, I'm, I don't even know. She's like, I don't even know why you were mad, Kenya. What's wrong? Are you upset? And Sheree's like, you brought up my house and you yelled at me about my house in front of everybody

I just said that the neighbors were discussing it you can't be mad at me that the neighbors are protesting the asbestos smell coming out of your homes unfinished in your yard if you're gonna poop outside your bushes until someone comes to unlock the door

the least you could do is cover it up i'm just saying what the neighbors are saying in the email that i signed i can't help it that you misinterpreted it sheree sheree's like well good because i just want you to know that this whole thing happened because you know what it's like with paperwork she's like yes I do Sheree yes papers okay well next time let's just talk about it together yes okay hugs what the fuck was that it was like the biggest

fight over nothing and then the biggest make up over nothing and then those bitches just went in to like drink shampoo what the hell is with this show let's get to the grand finesse speaking of scenes speaking of acting on whose part though she had to act for her life and it was both she and peter yeah this is the second season where cynthia's got someone in her ear going cynthia people don't like when you're

wimpy she's like I'm not a wimp. NeNe didn't boss me around. I'm a model. I asked NeNe what to do and she told me. And that's it. I'm a model. I pose strong all day. So this whole thing with Peter. Okay. So this whole episode,

I'm not taking it anymore. I'm a strong woman. No, you're not. You married Peter. Shut up. But the thing, it's just so funny. Well, I'm not taking it anymore. I'm a strong woman. No, you're not. You married Peter. Shut up. But the thing, it's just so funny. It's basically like Search for Tomorrow. It's Atlanta version. Because Cynthia, you know, she comes in the scene, dramatically removes her sunglasses.

Why is it? It just I mean, this is she designed. Yeah. This could have been straight out of, you know, Knotts Landing. And she walks over and she's just like, well, I see your back. And, you know, because, you know, Ronnie's an actor, but they have this saying when you're doing any kind of scripted thing and an actor needs something to do. They call it business. Oh, yeah. So a lot of times if a person has a lot of dialogue or something,

sometimes you're so focused on remembering the line. In improv, we call that space work. We have entire exercises in beginning improv classes where it's like, okay, you're just hanging around your house. You have no idea what's coming. What would you be doing in the kitchen? And people are like, brushing my teeth. I'm like, no, you're just hanging around your house you have no idea what's coming what would you be doing in the kitchen and people are like brushing my teeth like no nope you're just in the kitchen so go ahead maybe take a paper towel run it across the counter they're like uh no it looks like you're fishing have you ever taken a paper towel off of a thing just tear the paper towel okay

you're not flying okay stop flapping your arms there that's kind of what it is you can tell that they're so like when people have a lot of stuff to memorize you have to remind them like you can't just stand here and like blurt out lines you have to make it natural and that's all i could think about was like somebody probably like cynthia had to come in remember to hit her spot take off her sunglasses but she was actually very good i see you're here i see your back she's really perfected that thing where she stands very still and then bows her head and stares at like a spot on a counter yeah and then she like she does this thing with a half squint because that means cynthia's like super thinking about it she's like staring

off at the counter spot i'm like shut up cynthia jesus christ just yell at peter and go to bed already or do something fun i don't know play some scrabble do something but no peter's like hey babe she's like uh no here we go here begins the worst i just i, I mean, I understand that Cynthia, in order for her to stay on the show, she's going to have to fake a marriage crisis and she's following through. But, excuse me,

Peter has to get on the same page with her and make himself somewhat tolerable. Do you know what I mean? Peter just cannot help, but when he opens his mouth, he makes himself so unlikable.

What? What'd I do? I didn't do anything. I'm supposed to stop people from taking pictures on their phone? You're mad at some girl because she took a picture on her phone? She's like, uh, no. You were like strangle-making out with somebody on a picture. What you met at instagram whoa okay so on behalf of instagram

i'm sorry for instagram there unlike it unlike it unlike the post she's like uh you're kind of missing the point here buddy no he missed it no he all peter's whole offense is just to basically like tell cynthia that she doesn't understand him. She's just like, Cynthia, you don't understand the need. I have to fuck other women. And you don't understand that. And that's your problem. Not my problem.

It's your problem. And he tries to backtrack in such ways because she's acting. I see that she's like, it's time for my scene. But Peter is not acting. not i know that's what i'm saying peter is like literally terrified that the pin number has been changed i mean you see it all oh and by the way i think his coffee shop just went bankrupt so i think that pretty much is a spoiler alert right there that tells you anything but you could see that's the real terror because then he started going into the typical yeah but don't you remember at your sunglasses party remember when

you came down those stairs yeah and you were publicly mocking her like drunk in the back after you were late like you were making fun of her while she was making an entrance the whole time yes he was mocking her openly. He's like, remember, I don't remember you coming downstairs since the last time. I was really mean. Since we were in that museum place that those people loaned us, and there were those creepy bones everywhere. And then we got married.

She's like, that was so romantic. Thanks for trying, Peter. It's like, Jesus, Peter, make an effort. He does not make any effort at all. And that's what it's going to be tough because I think Cynthia's just used... I mean, I don't think Cynthia really gives a fuck. At this point, it's like a cheaper-to-keeper kind of

situation. Like, she's stuck with Peter. Oh, I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this much. I need to stop saying that. That's so Texas of me. That's what my meemaw does. She'll be like, well, I'll tell you this much. M&M's are on sale because it's after Easter. I'm like, why were you making that sound so important?

Anyway, I'll tell you this much. Cynthia has a prenup because there is no fucking way that Peter would be freaking out and giving a shit about Cynthia leaving him otherwise. A prenup for what? She probably didn't have that much money. She was the star on a show. She was, I mean, not the star. She was somebody on a TV show. Comparatively, she had

money. He didn't have anything. He had some failing ass restaurant. Here's the lease for the 2001 BMW, which is still not paid off. Here's... You're gonna have to, like, say... Peter gets the balcony of that townhouse? Fine. Exactly. She's like, he gets that plant that just keeps growing really long vines that nobody understands.

I don't even water that thing. I don't understand it. I don't think there was that much to lose. And any kind of money that she has ever made, she just pours into all his like failing businesses. Well, there you go. I mean, what else is he going to do? all his like failing businesses well there you go i mean what else is he gonna do the whole time we've known him when we met him on the show he was the owner of some failing restaurant i mean went bankrupt like bar none a cup of bar none that's right and then what was next after that

he started something else it was bullshit he's doing the sports bar with cordell well we had bar none part two remember and he's like martin luther king passed by on the bicycle of that place across the street where somebody died she's like wow a king lived there like oh my god you people are so stupid so i was like barn bar none number two is that still open i think that closed too right i don't think anything's open yeah they just keep closing it's like in a non-profitable enterprise. Remember they drove, they all went and got Chick-fil-A and then drove to Charlotte. That's like every episode.

Went to like a party at Bar None with Claudia and then we never, the Bar None in Charlotte and then we never saw it again. I think. How dare you? We saw it on Instagram. I saw them walk into some place once where there was a huge picture of Cynthia. Oh, that was Peter's brook.

Oh, that's right. I just, because it was like at one point she says like, well, I haven't talked to Peter in seven days. I don't know. Like, what? That's your husband. She's probably relieved. talk to Peter in seven days. Like, what? That's your husband.

She's probably relieved. Listen, there's a reason she gave him money to open a restaurant in Charlotte. Exactly. She's like, bye now. I think that maybe they're just low-key separated and they're just like having to make up. I don't, yeah, it all seems very weird, but he's definitely. It's always seemed very weird. Peter has not definitely. It's always seemed very weird.

Peter has not changed. He's the same arrogant, you know, bloviating asshole that he's always been. He's always used her, and everybody around her has told her. So I don't buy that she's just suddenly sick of it because, I mean, she's mad that it's public now. But there's something else in their relationship that's not about, it's not a typical marriage where it's just like love and sex. There's something weird there. I don't know if it's a business arrangement. If it's just a good friendship.

If they just like smoking some dope together and Cynthia's just better at being sober on camera. I don't know what it is. But those two have some kind of bond that we don't get. And he's not attractive. Like, I don't, he's a very, he's a very get and he's not attractive like i don't he's a very he's a very um like he's put together nicely you know what i mean arrogant he's well-grown and he smells like a drink like he doesn't love that but she's never wanted to fuck peter i mean that was her storyline in the beginning was that she never wanted to fuck peter remember and she had fibroids and then he's like okay well uh i got a pill remover and i got the fibers off your jeans and she's like

fine i'll have sex like she had sex with him one time after being cured from her gene pills or whatever and then her sweater pills and then uh she still don't want to fuck him she's like nope when the fibroids not interesting so. So, yeah, there's something weird there. I don't, but the thing is, it's sort of like Brooks and Vicky is sort of, it's the same thing. It's like, you're fighting for this loser. And also, like, you're going to lose, your fans are going to turn against you. Because I know this is your storyline, but it's like, nobody wants to see this for another season. You're saving, you're working to save a marriage that everybody hates. Yeah, but should you're working to save a marriage that everybody hates yeah but should you be worth i mean i know that they're on tv and their marriage is on tv and all this stuff

but the opinion of the tv of the twitter people as nini would say that's all twitter people you can't you can't base your entire marriage off what Twitter thinks because most of these people, you know, like Jim on The Real Housewives of Orange County. He's such an arrogant prick and he's so mean to Megan in public. But that's their relationship and Megan's obnoxious and she needs somebody to be like, shut up. Jim is handsome and has a lot of money. Yeah, it's like there's something that works for people that if it's not a perfect relationship, everybody. It's called like everybody zeros behind that comma yeah but you know there's something to that one where i can see how they work together like the

scene where they were in the limo and she's like well you know me and justice yeah because they still fuck i guess i think it's deeper than that i think it's more that he's uh he yells he yells and is arrogant and blah blah blah and she doesn't care like she'll probably be quiet and be like you're wrong and i looked it up on google and here's why you don't use substandard trash bags because when you do poor children die in the sudan so justice jim and he's like fuck you and your justice you stupid slag she's like yeah okay see you for dinner I'm boiling a chicken breast yeah in a you know six million dollar house I could make it work

there's some I don't think that I think that people on Twitter I don't mean you but like the fans judge everything it's like Shannon and David you know they're like why would you stay there with David when he did this and this and this? And why would you blah? And they judge it.

And she's like, well, you know, we have a family. Well, I was kind of difficult too. And they're like, no girl, you're the victim on the reunion. Like, don't you dare. You are the victim. I do not want to see you cry a batch. I mean, all these guys, yeah, they're all awful, but even

David Bedore never talked to Shannon. I mean, these guys yeah they're all awful but even David Bedore never talked to Shannon I mean David Bedore knew to put his tail between his I'm sorry dear he plays the yes dear he's a little bit smarter but like David was never like abusive Peter is a he's an asshole he's abusive he's mean she doesn't want to fuck like what's the point yeah Cynthia is attracted to people like that because she's a bitch inside but she can't be a bitch outwardly because she's too polite. That's why she was best friends with NeNe. Because NeNe was a bulldog who fought everybody, said every bitchy thing in the world. And Cynthia loved it because she never had to do anything but be the nice one.

She was like that little cartoon dog that jumps over the bulldog as he walks down the street. She's like the barney you know everyone's like fred flintstone's a dick but barney's nice you know he's like yep that's me so i because nini and then now she's what she's friends with kenya like she's always gonna pick the biggest bitch on the block and become their friends and i think that's probably peter too it's like just a big arrogant asshole. Cause he's speaking her mind, you know,

she's too nice to do it. I don't know. I noticed that I, a lot of people are, are friends with me who are very nice. Like they're way too nice for my bracket. And I think it's because I'll tell everybody off for them. Well,

they did also say, this is a backdoor conversation, which I laughed out loud. And also Peter said, I don't believe in divorce. I was like, oh, God, she's fucked. Well, you didn't believe in marriage either. I mean, how many kids do you have? We've never seen.

There's a reason I don't have eight divorces. Okay. Because I've never married the mothers of my children. Oh, my God god this show is incredible he's like littered tiny uncle ben's all over atlanta and then suddenly he's like hot strangle like strangle kissing some teenager on instagram i think they're in jamaica then he's like moral cynthia morals You ever heard of morals? Hello?

Oh, this is a good show. I'm so glad it's back. I was strangling that girl for not being you. Yeah, I do. You don't understand how I feel? You understood me. You would see that. And then Cynthia being a badass. Peter, I am telling you right right now i'm not staying in this because i'm not the kind of person to be in something just to be in it so were you we're

going to talk about this again do we have an agreement he's like uh can i have 20 she's like no you're gonna go to your room okay i love you he's like backing away and she's like now peter we are going to keep discussing this seriously he's's like, uh, uh, duh, duh, duh. He's like backing up all the way to the next room. You hear me, Peter? Do we have a deal? What is your deal? That you're going to talk about it more later? What kind of deal is that?

People are crazy. She's staying with Peter, don't you think? I don't know. Maybe. She's not leaving Peter. At least for this season, she's got to have some kind of storyline. She can't just like, she's already done key kettle. She's already taken off her glasses and she's already water either at least for this season she's gotta have some kind of storyline she can't just like she's already done key kettle she's already taken off her glasses

and she's already watered the plants and she's already played with the dog she's out of shit next is gonna be her going around to quickie marts being like have you ever seen clearly well now you can with Cynthia Bailey eyewear

spinning that carousel Angie we did it we did it how long did we talk about that one hour and 48 minutes done I'm sorry everybody that is like the time of three episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta

three analyze and we did it so Angie I love you thank you so much Atlanta. Three. Analyze. And we did it. So Angie, I love you. Thank you so much for calming. Thank you so much. This was I cannot believe I held I had to hold everybody hostage so we could blabber

on about Atlanta. You know it was me because I monologue and you're my friend and you're like, okay, Ronnie's doing a monologue I'm gonna go pee and get some popcorn try on my caftan that just came from Kyle you're like yes dear yes dear

yes dear thank you so much for being here anytime darling you're so welcome everybody go look up deep thoughts that's T-H-O-T-S to find Angie's podcast. There's a pop culture, Deep Thoughts. And then there is an empire.

The lion's den. You can, what's your Twitter? I don't want to mess it up. I mess up everybody's. You can just find everything at Deep Thoughts. D-E-E-P-T-H-O-T-S. Deep Thoughts on Twitter and everything. It all connects to empire.

How did you get that name? That's such a good name. I mean, I know how you came up with it, but how did you get it on Twitter? That's such a good name. I don't know. I think we just grabbed it. I love it. Deep Thoughts. I think we were playing around with thoughts. I think Ben helped us

with that. Ben. Ben. It's pronounced ben everybody thanks so much for listening to this hopefully we're gonna have hours of content for you this week because i'm having guests all effing week everybody go to watch what crappens.com for links patreon.com slash watch what crappens for bonus episodes this week is really fun and everybody this is the time to be thankful. And I am for you. And Ben, I'm thankful for you.

And Angie, I'm thankful for you. And you're like my legit friends in real life. And I'm thankful for you in real life as well as Krappen's life. Me too. Love you. I love you. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watcher Krappen's ad-free on Amazon Music.

Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.