Watch What Crappens - #2414 RHONJ, Part 1: Off The Rails

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

*This is part one of a two-part recap*The Real Housewives of New Jersey (S14E01) is back, and tensions are predictably high. Will the women be able to get past their issues?  And is it true that John Fudah was a drug dealer with a dildo fetish? Just some of the pressing questions oozing out of Franklin Lakes. Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we What happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch for Crap In. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo

that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, broadcasting live from under a table amongst a pool of broken glass at Rale's Steakhouse in New Jersey. It's Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. Hi, what's up?

When we opened at rails with broken glasses everywhere, literally on the train tracks. I was like, I don't care how toxic this shit is. I'm so glad it's back. Yeah, the Real Housewives drought is over. New Jersey is back. We are here today to recap it. Before we dive into that, first of all, a huge thank you to everyone who came to our show on Friday. We had the best time.

First of all, it was very cool that we sold out that show. That's a big deal, actually, because, you know, I think that we were just kind of like, oh, yeah, we're doing Netflix as a joke. And then now that the festival started here in L.A., it is's a big deal actually because you know I think that we were just kind of like oh yeah we're doing Netflix as a joke and then now that the festival has started here in LA it is such a big deal and there's all these things happening and like it's really cool that we had a sold out show at this festival so thank you everyone so much for for coming out and we know we changed it up by doing a house hunters episode and you guys were a great audience. We had so much fun with that so thanks again and congrats also to Katie Kizorla Who opened up the kookaburra lounge? That was her opening night of her brand Katie and Walter their brand new lounge there

So it was such a fun time. So thanks again to everyone And then we have some live shows later this month in Europe. We have We're doing London, Dublin, and Birmingham. Links are on our website. London is sold out, actually. So London is sold out, which again, thank you for that too. That's awesome. And that's also part of a podcast festival apparently.

But Dublin and Birmingham are available. So go check those out. Also check out our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch crap ins you can do our listen to our bonus episodes and watch us on video with crap it's on demand and also join the discord community. So thanks everyone for like a really great weekend basically. Thank you. Yeah, it was so good to see you. I always love it. So fun. I found a house there that I'm trying to like move

into. So wish me luck. Yeah. Because good Lord. Okay, I'm so excited. It was so great to be there and be part of that festival and see everybody and like people came with shirts, like those glitter shirts with our faces that Shannon and Natalia came in were amazing. Yep. We also saw some classic.

It was just great. We're filled with gratitude today, you guys. Yeah, super gratitude. We saw also a classic Ben in the streets, Ronnie in the sheets, T-shirt up there in the front row. So lots of, we felt the love. We felt the love at Netflix is a joke. It's more like Netflix is a love fest.

You know what? It should be called Netflix is not a joke because we felt things. We felt things. We felt it all. Also, man, we can really talk our fucking heads off. We were like, let's do like a house hunters. It'll be shorter for a comedy festival.

You don't want to keep people there all night or we can have enough to fill it with the house. We went an hour and a half on a house hunters. I mean, Jesus Christ, how many naked jokes can you make an hour and a half wall to wall worth? Okay. And by the way, that's going to be released on our Wondry Plus feed. Um, because that is an episode of dwell. Hello this week, my little friends. It's wild. That's a 22, that's 22 minutes of airtime that we turned into a 90 minute show. Yeah. But honestly, everyone was awesome and laughed and you know,

it was good vibes. So today, speaking of good vibes, New Jersey, home of the best vibes of all, um, on Bravo. So it looks like we're setting up for another vicious season of this show, but it is so fun. Like you said, the fact that we started at rails steak house and there's broken glass. We just knew, we just knew we were setting up for more messiness in New Jersey. Yeah. But who, and you know, it turns out by the end of this little clip, it's everybody. Literally everybody hates each other.

Everybody has just gone toxic as hell. You know, all the backstage stuff, all the blogger drama that I guess is gonna be coming out during this. You got Melissa Bowles and Rosanna Eardrums and you know, whatever all the blogger's names are who are messed up in this, they're all messed up in it and everybody's you know, throwing their blogger weapons around.

It's fun and nerve wracking. It's fun and nerve wracking, honestly. And it's also like watching this show, you know, I feel like I say a lot that Miami has a really deep roster, which is why it's so good. I mean, you have an amazing cast, but then you also have like these amazing friends of, and I think Miami has the deepest and best roster

on Bravo currently, but New Jersey has a real like world to it, right? Like all the husbands are like, are unique characters. And then you have Jen Fessler, who's such a friend of that. It feels like she's a real housewife, but she's still not, she's not a housewife. She's still a friend of, I think. And she's like almost like the focus of this entire episode in

some ways. And then you have Jackie and we know Jackie and Margaret are going to have a big fight. So like this Jersey also has a deep roster and I feel like Jersey deserves more credit than it gets. Yeah. Um, I think it gets decent credit. I was reading the ratings Bravo account on Twitter, and I think they're like the second, they're in second place as far as ratings go for entire seasons. So people do watch, you know? It's just we, Bravo audience, you can never tell

because we complain so much about everything. You can't tell what people really like and what they're really watching. Some of the most popular things. I would have thought that Salt Lake City got way up there because it had such a controversial season, but no, it's still, you know, like fourth or fifth place amongst all of them. So it's hard to really know.

It's harder for the newer franchises. Cause even though some of the newer franchises are amazing, uh, a lot of times people are kind of like legacy viewers, not Roni, but like in the sense that they started watching this show nine years ago and they just keep, it's just like one of their shows. And they say, I've watching already so many shows. I'm already watching baby, baby moose or whatever. And I'm going to like, now I don't have time to take on fricking Salt Lake City. I hear it's good, but I, my, my roster is full.

I'm saying roster a lot, but like everyone has a roster. You're horny because on Bravo, that means the people you're gonna fuck. Can I add them to my roster? I mean, I guess it's like a real life thing. I only know it from Bravo really because gay people don't have rosters. We just like have people we fuck.

I don't know that we like organize them that way. You really don't even understand how many it is until we're all at a Whole Foods at one time. And you're like, Oh my God, we're all in the tortilla section at the same time. This is awkward. But most, the point is that most people are not as willing to just take on every single housewife the way we are. And, um, and, and so people just sort of have the ones that they decide they're going to

watch and they'll be like, I've heard about that other one, seems nice, not gonna watch it. But New Jersey's been around so long that it has gathered its core in a way that Salt Lake City still has. Yeah, you gotta watch it, you gotta watch it. So we're at Rails, and Rails, you know, I feel like every season we go,

why aren't we shooting this at Rails? Because literally every scene on this show should be shot at Rails, especially the kids packing for college. I feel like. They're just going to Rails University. literally every scene on this show should be shot at rails, especially the kids packing for college. If you look. They're just going to rails university. It's like Gabriella is going to have a dorm room down in the wine cellar.

They're going to bus boy camp at rails. Yeah, we're at rails. It's just depressing as fuck as we're at rails. And they have like their own person to just come out and sweep at rails. Because you know that people are always throwing glasses and shit. It's just that kind of place. The, the walls are rubber, you know? Yeah. This is nothing for rails rails as used to this.

So we do see all this glass and we see Delora sitting alone at a table among the glass. She's like, you know what? There may have been a fight. There may be glass everywhere, but I made a promise to this restaurant that I would eat the rest of my meal. She's like, you know what? There may have been a fight. There may be glass everywhere, but I made a promise to this restaurant that I would eat the rest of my meal. So I will stay here. She's the only one who decided not to leave. She's like, you know what? Nothing comes between me and Rigatoni. Rigatoni is actually, it's actually a friend of mine. It's actually two of them. There's this Rigatoni and Rigatoni is actually, it's actually a friend of mine.

Tony Rigatoni. It's actually two of them. There's Rigatoni and Rigatoni. They're sisters. So they're like, Dolores, we want you to sit alone at Rails and look furious at a table for 40, but it's only you. Yes. And she's like, okay. And they're like, Dolores, could you please

look more serious, more furious? So this whole opening is just Dolores sitting at a table for 40, just like sucking her cheeks in. Barely like kind of staring ahead in Dolores face like, hmm. Very disappointed. And the producer- Very angry and very disappointed. Both.

The producer also asked the most ridiculous question. How did it ever come to this? As the Real Housewives of New Jersey, someone asked for garlic bread. That's how it came, that's all it took. Ha ha ha. Could you please pass the garlic bread? Oh yeah, you want the garlic bread.

How about this, how about you take some, shut the fuck up the way I don't wanna ever talk to you ever for film, like. Like you don't mean anything to me, you use dildos. You don't use dildos? I use dildos, I love dildos. And then just like table flips. I love that dildos are actually a part use dildos. I use dildos. I love dildos. And then just like table flips. I love that dildos are actually a part

of the storyline already. It's so funny. Also, by the way, I just want to say, sorry. I love when Teresa starts a season with hot gossip. She wants to like get onto the on-ramp, you know, like of the highway of the season. Like the time when she walked around Evan's birthday party and told everyone, I hear that Evan having sex in the showers, pass it on.

Like she's so clunky about it and now she's doing the dildo thing. She is like, if we're going to like, if we're going to like do the metaphor of like that there's a highway of gossip and she's trying to get something on the on ramp, she is like freaking Dukes of Hazzard going up that on ramp. The cars like jumped up the on ramp and over a like freaking dukes of hazard going up that on ramp. I like the cars like jumps up the on ramp and over a truck onto the highway and landed in a bush. It's like the dukes of hazard of like on ramping, just jumping over cars, you know?

Yeah, she, first of all, a couple of things, it's so hypocritical because the whole last season, or was it the season before? I don't know, the one where they yelled at each other a lot. So it was that one where Marge was in trouble because she brought up stuff and she was bringing it up because it was on the internet. And she's like, I just want you to get in front of this.

Get ahead of it because they're talking about Louie going to the camp about, you know, I beat my wife, whatever, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. You know, I'm just being a friend. She's like, how can you talk about what was on the internet? And then you have this one where Teresa is justifying Et cetera. You know, I'm just being a French. Say, how can you talk about what was on the internet exercise? And then you have this one where Theresa

is justifying everything she's doing because it was on social media first. Yeah, she's like, it's all on the social media. At the moment she said that, I was like, you fucking bitch. We had to sit here through two years of a fight about Louie's video on Instagram that you defended to the death.

And now here you are doing all that. But of course they did it to her. So now's she's it's open the floodgates I guess. If you asked her she'd probably be they did it for me it was good for the goose today it's good for the giraffe and that's that's what I'm gonna say about it. Also Teresa's looking crazy these days can we just say this it looks like her whole body is on a roller coaster but the lip stayed behind it's like it's like they are good the lips are still at the gate waiting for the next cart to go. But everything else is like, it's good. Like what is happening there?

I think Teresa is morphing every season into just what she's going to be. You know what I mean? It's like, it just looks like nature. I mean, it's like the most unnatural thing, but it just really does look just like nature. I don't know how to explain it. Like, none of it surprises me. It's like, you see it coming, you know? Is it sad? Maybe. I mean, I don't know. But it just looks like Teresa to me. I don't... Everyone's talking about it, and especially in this preview, because at one point they're fighting and Rachel Food is like, oh yeah, why don't you shut up with your hot dog lips?

And I was like, that's actually not terrible. Like it's not a terrible, uh, it was accurate. It was pretty accurate. But all at the same time, I'm like, but they've always looked like that, haven't they? Like for whatever she's doing looks totally, but like, and I will say the same thing for Kyle Richards. She looks fucking insane right now. And I'm like, I think it's normal like it looks great. Great job guys It's just there's just there's something about Teresa's face where there's like a combination of her pulling her skin back But make your lips bigger that makes it look like her face is going to do from like the lips are coming towards you

But the face is going away from you and it's just it's it is Fascinating it is like an optical illusion. It's like a study in perspective or something. I don't know. Listen, I don't, I generally don't like to comment on the way people look, but again, if they do it to themselves, I feel like it's fair game, right? Like if I had a bad haircut, I'm sure people would say something. I don't have to take it. Yeah. Cause I feel like at this point you're not commenting on looks, right? I feel like we're commenting on work.

We're commenting on artistry. We're commenting on choices. Yeah, because it is an artistry. And I'm at the age now where I get it done. I mean, I haven't had the, uh, the, uh, surgery stuff done yet, but literally only because we do this every day and I can't, I mean, I will Sigi Flickr it one day and just show up here in a huge brand. I have a friend who did it. He got some waddle surgery and he got some eye surgery, the hood surgery on the eye.

So I will be getting that stuff done. I'm trying to save up money. I'm probably going to have a GoFundMe for it. I don't want you to have a Britney, a Britney frown though. I want it. I want to look crazy. By the way, this is all pop art. I feel like this is modern art, facial stuff, facial surgery. And like, you have to find the right artist, you got to do your research, and they have to really believe in you and believe in what they're doing. And they have to see your face in the future. And like, there's so much art to it.

And I support arts. I know you if there's anyone who supports the arts, it's Ron and Karen. I just have to say just off topic that I spent all day yesterday sewing. And the funniest thing is that I discovered that my sewing machine, my brother's sewing machine sounds like Brittany. When you, well, like if you hit like a, if you go at a certain speed, it goes, J X J X J X J X J X J X. I'll do, I'll put up a recording of it and you'll see

I'm actually not lying at all. You better make me feel birdy. You better make me feel birdy. I just want to feel birdy. Don't forget your backstitch. Okay, so we see this, all these little scenes of the friendships, like the stance of the friendships.

Where is everybody right now? We see a little clip of Jen going, all right. I'm ready to die for you, Teresa. And Teresa saying, I'm riding dice for use tools. And she's like, but I don't feel it. I don't feel it, baby. And then Jen Fessler says to Jennifer Aiden, so as to be say, handling you becoming friends, Melissa, huh? Jennifer Fessler's voice is just getting like, I don't know. She's how many she's like, She has, I don't know what's, it's dropped a few notes. Okay. Like the few keys or whatever. Like she definitely like took on some.

I'll tell you what hasn't calmed down those eyes, the Jennifer Fessler eyes. Very, very intense. I thought there might be some kind of little party, but did I know it was going to be my entire family? Roseanne, Rosanna, Carlotta, Carzone, everybody, all of the twins. It's insane. And then Jennifer Aiden's talking to Jackie, and she goes, you need the support of your friends right now, baby!

And then Teresa's talking to Jackie and saying, yeah, we'll show you what real friends are like. Ding, blink, blink, blink, blink. This exodus of Jackie from one camp into the other is shocking. I cannot believe it. We're seeing it right at the beginning. We're seeing it right at the top.

And it is nuts to see Teresa being like, we'll show you what real friends is like to that. And then Danielle is talking to Rachel and Danielle's like, I would stay 10 feet away from anyone that would ever hurt you. And Jen's like, that just changed everything for me. Wait, I don't know what's happening here. Rachel said everything just,

that just changed everything for me. So then now we see Dolores with Margaret and Dolores is like, you fucking lying cut fitness. You know what, that's enough. That's enough. I'm a truthful cut fitness. Can we just maybe call me a fucking lying bitch? I mean, do we really need to go with the C word?

That's insane. Listen, we're not gonna talk about the C word, but we are going to talk about getting Joe a new C foam shirt. Okay. By the way, I was so, I was so proud of Joe on the premiere wearing his C foam polo. You know, I was like something, it's just good that he's a man of consistency. Um, so the producer's like, to Loris, how did the sit down go in one word? And she's like, Dolores, how did the sit down go? In one word. And she's like, salami. No, Dolores. It couldn't have gone like salami. One word, Dolores, how did the sit down go? Pepperoni. No, Dolores, come on, why are you just naming food? All right. Bread lizard.

Okay, that's two words. And you can't just name animals made out of bread that you've used at every party that you've ever thrown. All right. All right. All right. Okay. How did everything go on Lordwood? Here it goes. Cookies. Ma, come on. It's my interview. Get out of here. Valerie, how did it go? How did the sit down with Dolores and her friends go? Cookies. Could have been better. Cookie omelet. So, effect of videotaping rewound. And it's dinner earlier that night.

And Rachel's yelling at Teresa, keep my husband's name out of your fucking fat hot dog-lipped mouth. Blitz breaking, and then Melissa saying, they learned from the best white trash. And Jan is like, she's an hedge and then you'll say fucking disgusted yeah she did a fucking lot of you mommy it's just all of them you know doing the typical Jersey thing yeah animal

I don't talk to people like you. You're disgusting. Yeah, you're disgusting. You're a snake. Oh yeah, I wouldn't have snakes in the zoo. What's that about? We're talking about animals, stupid. You are. What do you mean?

Fuck you, hot dog lips. Love this show. None of it makes any sense. The ladies are just hurling the worst shit possible at each other. Are we talking about animals or focaccia shaped like animals? I need to know before I proceed. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. In the climate ravaged year of 2072, the city of Pura stands as a miraculous green haven, a geo-engineered paradise that protects fortunate residents from the global catastrophes of heat domes, fires, floods and droughts.

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The screen kind of just like slowly, horizontally goes black. It's almost like the TV show is falling asleep. It's like someone's eyelids are slowly closing. And then we go to three months earlier. And so now we sort of see what's going on around, going on in everyone's houses. So Melissa is telling Antonia like that there's only three weeks till she leaves for college,

she needs to start organizing. And then the dog pees on the curtain. The dog is like, this is my review of your new house. Yeah, so this house was a lot of trouble, right? So they put up this house and then it was panned universally. I mean, I think this was showing up on sites where people didn't even watch housewives. It was an architectural indigestible. Yeah. It was all over the place about how ugly it was,

how the windows weren't even the same size, how the roof line didn't work. And they just kind of did the farmhouse gut of a house and then just painted it black and white and called it a day. And it was so universally panned that they went back and redid the redo and gave it a new roof, I think some new windows. So good for them.

Now your house officially looks, it does look a lot better and it looks like, you know, every other house that they're building right now. Yeah. So that's good. Congratulations, you made it generic. So congratulations on your new base model, which it took you three iterations to get something,

you know, from up and up basically. Yeah, congrats on- Is it up and up, the Target brand? That's up and up, right? Yes, I think though for the Gorgas, it's more like sideways and sideways. So they, I love that they like made this whole giant mansion for themselves,

just so their kids are starting to move out. So then we see Marge, Marge and Marlene are assembling a new duvet. Marlene, how dare you, her name is Marlene. Marlene, Marlene, sorry. What is the state of our lives? What is possessed by Satan? What does John Black have to become a preacher to save you from Stefanos Satan?

Miley Gibbs. So she's saying Margaret say, you know, she likes that the duvet is fluffy, just like Joe. Joe is fluffy. I like I like my men fluffy. You should know that Marlini. I wonder I wonder which one of these were designed in the living room more quickly. This blanket of Joe, you know what, honestly, my money's on the blanket. And now we go over to Danielle and her daughter is like dancing around and everything. And Nate has like one of those like dollar guns. There's like fake money. So he's shooting it off and everything. And he's laughing about how he used to be called the money man when he was in his twenties. I was like, that's funny and all, but you're basically cosplaying,

you're basically cosplaying the sexy times with throwing money at your daughter, just so you know. I know, I was like, wow, they've already gone to a party at Melissa's and stolen something, classy family. So then Danielle and her, oh yeah, Rachel and her family are getting ready for a barbecue and who's coming, it's gonna be family night over here. So Rachel's family comes in, you know,

and her sister-in-law does that thing where she walks with her purse on her wrist, like holding her wrist up, and then she comes around the corner and she sees the kids and she goes, who is that? I'm like when people do that to kids. the kids and she goes, who is that? I'm like when people do that to kids, you know, like who is that? Who's there? Who is there? Do we answer this question?

Is it a rhetorical or am I really supposed to answer it because I'm young enough that I should start to be able to form together thoughts. This is why kids think adults are idiots, you know, because adults literally act like idiots around kids because I don't know, do they think they're going to scare them with our intelligence? I mean, what is it? But adults act like fucking war on every time they see a kid, they're like, who like cookie, who like cookie? Did you, you forgot English? Like, why are you talking like that? Just because it's a kid. I know. I feel like kids actually respond very well when they're talked to, um,

like adults sometimes. Cause I remember one time I was in an elevator with my friend's toddler. The kid was like two and a half or whatever. And the kid was just like crying in the elevator and it was in my building. And I just looked at this girl and I said, honestly, you've got to like get it together cause you're in a public space. Now you're in an elevator, people are going to walk in here and see you crying. And it's just like not a good look. And she just like stopped crying and looked at me like, wait, what?

I'm not sure she really understood me, but I think she understood my tone, which is like, girl, no. You said that to a kid in an elevator? You're lucky you didn't get your ass beat. It was my friend's kid. It wasn't just a stranger. I would love to do it to a stranger. Don't get me wrong. Cloth in the air, you little loser. Could you imagine? I mean, you can't even do that to a stranger. Don't get me wrong. Clip from the air you little loser. Could you imagine? I mean, you can't even do that to a stranger who's an adult,

but like do it with a kid that'd be hilarious. Be like, girl, you're doing the most right now. I don't even say that. But what I was going to say is that like, how angry was Teresa that this season began with a Rachel Fuda family scene? Well, I think everyone's probably pissed at knowing that this is a Fuda centric season.

I mean, that's crazy. I don't feel like they've earned it. They just got here. Why is this show now centered around the Fudas of all people? And then, I mean, I like that their name has Fuda in it. I'm okay with it. I'm, I, listen.

No, here's, no, here's why I'm okay with it. Because a lot of people complain like, oh my God, Theresa and Melissa again, it's always Theresa and Melissa, Theresa and Melissa. And then the moment that like we, we like, they tried to change it up and be like, okay, well focus on the new people. It was like, what, what about Theresa and Melissa? Yeah. Well, I'm not saying it has to be Theresa and Melissa. I was just like, I didn't know that this was the right, I mean, I thought Rachel did okay. I thought they were okay

last year. I thought it was a decent season, but I wasn't like, Oh my God, best casting of the year, the food does, you know, I was like, maybe they'll do good after like season three or four, but then this season it's like, it's the food of family up front and center. I don't know that that was earned. And also look what happens because look at how John Fuda is already acting. He's like the new housewife on the show. Like today, he, well, we'll get into it, but he released a statement today. That is just glorious.

So maybe it was good casting after all. I don't know, but my first feeling on seeing that they were the main center of the season, I was like, yeah, I don't know. Well, I was sort of like, I'm surprised, but I actually feel like Rachel Fuda is, um, I think she's doing a good job so far this, this season. I've, she's, she's a little bit more like, okay, I've earned a spot here on this cast and I'm going to like lean into it. So it's happy, but I do think it was really John Fuda.

John Fuda is really like he's a last season. He was just like quiet and sitting in the corner being like, you know, what can you do? What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? But now this season he's like, are you gonna let me finish? Are you gonna let me finish? Okay, you gotta let me speak. You gotta let me speak. Every single season. He also, and he has no problem fighting with the housewife. And he also did the second season, Bitch Flower Blooms Glow Up, which is major surgery. He came back with a different body, a different face. He came back with different teeth. By the way, congratulations to the teeth industry

that is funding this show. Cause I think there were like four different, four new sets of teeth on this cast. Yeah. Unfortunately, they haven't found anyone who knows how to measure them properly. They're going to Danielle Staub's Bob's doctor in the strip mall. It's like, do they have any like things that you put your foot foot on in the foot locker here?

Or do you just like guesstimate and just walk around with feet? Shoes half falling off your feet? I mean, at this point, honestly, like if any of them get any olive stuck between their teeth, Tom Hanks didn't come out and try to like dance, you know, heart and soul on their mouths because they literally look like they have oversized FAO Schwartz piano keys in their mouths. I don't think you can go between these teeth. I think these are teeth that are just like seas, you know,

they're in the shape of seas and you just put it in there. They're just walls of white. They're like, it's like the Muppet, the band leader in the Muppet, Doctor something another. Just like, it's just a, you know what, it literally looks like you're going on a guided tour of Santorini when they smile. Haven't been to Santorini, so I don't know yet. Maybe one day.

For the Santorini heads, they'll get that joke. The Santorini heads are a guess. It was a really good one and I'm like, wow, wow, Ronnie. It was wasted on me. So I had to admit that I didn't know what you were talking about, because I know people are like, I have Ronnie being so unsupportive. The Santorini heads are going to like, get up on me.

I'm going to get Santorini bodded. They have teeth like Santorini. Okay. So Rachel's family shows up and she's like, there's always so much going on in the food household. Jayden's like a mini man. Gigi just turned three. Julianna's grown, I'm bored.

Please stop listing your children and what they're doing. Like I literally don't care. Please just keep them as little stick figures on the minivan until they're old enough to vote. Thank you. Yeah, I really hate when people yeah are just like, oh my god, this household is so busy. My child has homework. My other child

is starting to talk more. I'm like that's no, it is busy. It is busy, but it's not interesting busy. But to me, like interesting busy is like, oh my god, our house is so busy. The FBI had to perform a stakeout here because it turns out our neighbors are part of some sort of exotic animal ring. It is hectic in here. Like, now that's the busy. Tell me what's really going on. Like my husband just got his tummy tuck. I mean, he literally didn't stop puss. Didn't stop coming out the sides of him until about five minutes ago.

He got new teeth. I mean, I've had to mush up his fucking bananas for him. You know, that's been, that's been really fun. We've been doing laser on his back and his armpits. He can new teeth. I mean, I've had to mush up his fucking bananas for him. You know, that's been that's been really fun We've been doing laser on his back in his armpits. He can barely like that's what I want to hear I want to hear the real pain. I don't want to hear like here's how old my child is like your husband literally got a full body implant Can we talk to him? Like I want to hear what happened. I want the same thing. He looks great Or I want like relatable busy, which is like, oh, it's so busy in here I just bought five sets of bowls from Amazon and I'm gonna compare them all and decide which is the one that I'm gonna keep And then I have to send all the rest of them back which means I have to go to the UPS store or whole foods

It depends. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but we've got a lot of bowls Which means I got a lot of things to use the bowl. So it's really busy rancher I'm like, oh my god, you deserve a break. You should you deserve a bath. I get that That is your that is your current storyline, so of course you like that. That's my storyline. Except with suitcases. That is your storyline.

I settled on one. I settled on, we had American Idol of suitcases over the weekend, and my friend Judy came over. It was actually backpacks for my personal item to go under the seat, and we have decided on one to keep, and the others are going back. As you see, there you go. It's really exciting.

So then. I'm so busy around here. Yeah, so busy around here. So busy. So the parents have moved an hour and a half away, you know, like take a hint is what I say. And she's like, but Nona will literally freak if I don't have these meals. Cause then she calls and this is Nona freaking.

She goes, Rachel, I haven't seen the girls. How are they? Like that's Nona freaking. I think you'll survive. I think that's her pre freaking. That's like the sign that she's about to freak out because you know, no, no. When she, when she really freaks out, it's like, you don't call, you don't message. I don't even see my kids. I'm 88. I could die any day now. And then that's going to be on you because you killed me.

You're the one who killed me, Rachel. And then that's going to be on you because you killed me. You're the one who killed me, Rachel. So she's like, no, the focaccia. No, the focaccia. I like that she just shortens everything. That's her thing this year. Hey, no, the focaccia. Why'd you buy so much focaccia?

My hub's is very skin now, OK? Come on, he can't eat all the focaccia. And she's like, let's eat a cheat for a day. This is all good stuff. That's what you do. What, you're not going to eat the focaccia." And she's like, "'Let's then eat ca-chee for a day. This is all good stuff. That's what you do. What, you're not gonna eat the focaccia because you're sitting out?' Yes, no, no, that's how it works. You get sinned, you never fucking touch focaccia again.

Because let me tell you as someone who's constantly tried their whole life to get sin, you eat one piece of that shit, you don't stop thinking about it for one second for the next five months. Your body holds on to that tiny little bubble of focaccia and it's like there's more of me somewhere. All you gotta do is call the Instacart. There's more of me, there's more! And before you know it, you're in a corner somewhere

just injecting little tiny crumbs of focaccia straight into your veins, you know, into your 500 fucking pounds known. Okay, get your fucking drugs out of here. You know, I did hear that that's how Ed Koch was elected into office was that a lot of people confused for Koch for an actual political endorsement. I'm Koch. Why wait in the bread line when you can be in the Koch line? I'm for Koch.

I'm for Koch. Anyway, Santorini and Koch, you know, come to Rapins for all the good times. So we're rolling them out all day over here. It's going to be a 30 hour recap of just complete fucking nonsense. We don't even know what we're saying. I don't know. If you guys are looking at each other thinking, what the fuck are these guys saying? Am I missing something?

No, we don't know what we're talking about either. Okay, so everyone's saying, she asked her daughter, she's like, can you say focaccia? And her kid's like, fucking focaccia. She's like, yeah, the girl, she can say it. So, no one was like, so what have you been doing, Rachel? She goes, well, ma, no one's, I should say.

Our plate's very full. Juliana, I mean, I don't know, they think she's got a tongue tie and they then they think a lip too and everything's tied up in there. So she's having some speech problems. She can't even say for Koch, you know what she says instead? Anticoch. It's terrible. Then you know what? She's had like her feeding and stuff. So, you know, we're going to get on, we're going to be on top of it. Yeah.

There's one little part where they talk about how the grandpa's teaching the kid to, to curse and no, no, it's like, you better keep your fucking mouth shut, Arthur. All right? Don't don't you curse around the kid. And then we see Rachel taking a video of the kid and she's like, hey, what are you doing? She's like, yeah, fucking chooch. The kid fucking chooch. So Rachel talks about how the kid has an actual tongue tie, like an actual piece of skin or

tissue that's holding up her tongue. And so they're gonna, they'll, they'll check it out. the kid has an actual tongue tie, like an actual piece of skin or tissue that's holding up her tongue. And so they're gonna, they'll check it out. So that's exciting for tongue tie enthusiasts. And then- I didn't know that was a really thing, like really a thing. Like I thought it was like a saying,

like you're tongue tied, I'm tongue tied. I didn't know it was a real thing. I feel like I have heard of it, but I didn't know it was actually referred to as actually tongue tied. Or maybe that's why, maybe that's just how they told her. She's like, what? Like, well, she's got a case of periodental idemidomitis. She's like, what? She's tongue tied. Okay. Got it.

So she is going to throw a party for Jen Fessla. You know, Jen and known as like, I know Jen. And she's like, yeah, well, we're gonna throw her a birthday party, and you know, Jeff wanted to invite all the girls, because, you know, that's just how Jen is. You know, she doesn't wanna leave people out. So I sent to recent Jennifer Aiden in text, you know, and she goes, no job, Jennifer.

Which, by the way, that's- Nona, have you seen your granddaughter? I mean- No kidding. I don't think this is the house to be throwing those stones in, okay? No, no. Have you seen your granddaughter? I mean, no kidding. I don't think this is the house to be throwing those stones in. Okay. You shouldn't throw, you shouldn't throw stones when you live in a pointy cartilage time. Michael Jackson from the grave is like, that's a lot. So,

so anyway, Rachel did reach out to, uh, she's, she's reaching out to Jennifer, all sorts of people. And then she said that Teresa did answer and that Teresa said, thank you for the invite. And then said, I know we have our issues and whatever, but I would like to invite you to Jen's party. Oh, I guess Rachel said that. Whatever. So she reached out to Teresa. Teresa said, yes, everyone's going. Yeah.

And Nona's like, I'm already getting the knot in my stomach because you're eating fucking for Koch. Okay. The shit out of my house. So Rachel's like, I get that, but the party's not for John. It's not for me. It's not for my son or for my family. It's not in my home. So you know what? No, I'm going to have the part. I'm going to have the part I'm going to do with somewhere else. I'm going to have it at rails. You know, it was probably called railways, but in this family, we call it pot. I'm gonna have the pot. I'm gonna do it somewhere else. I'm gonna have it at Rails, you know? It was probably called Railways, but in this family we call it Rails.

That's it. What are you gonna do? She's so, like her eyes are so wide open and blinking all the time. She's like sitting straight up like, it's not for me. It's not for my children, None. Okay, what am I gonna do? I'm gonna have the potty. That's what I'm gonna do, None.

She definitely gives, sometimes when she gets really like, when she gets intense about something, she definitely gives startled ostrich on a Hallmark card, you know, like, happy birthday. So she's like, I'm not building a bridge, the sole reason I like research is research at all was for the party, and that's it. I mean, her husband hired an investigator to investigate us,

and I have no interest in being friends with people that do shit like that. And so she's like and and John what are you gonna do when the week comes up to you what are you gonna do John and he's like I'm gonna give him a nod I'm gonna give him one of these like hey like I'm at the Home Depot hey how you doing I mean not to go out because he's still not allowed in there from what I know but anyone else maybe maybe Home Depot wasn't the best thing to bring up right now. I'm already fighting with the guys. And then the sister-in-law, Lisa goes, or the mom, maybe,

goes, you don't get out much, do you? So they go over to Melissa's house and they're packing for college. Squeak, baby Jesus, baby Jesus. And so the dog comes up and he's peeing all over the curtains and stuff. And they're talking, Melissa goes, I'm so excited to be in our new home.

I literally handpicked every single thing in the house. We know Melissa, my God. For once on one of these shows, I believe it. Are there still the Muppet rope fixtures hanging on the? The black, like the black eyelashes, of these shows, I believe it. Okay. Are there still the Muppet rope fixtures hanging on that? Like the black eyelashes, long eyelashes dangling from the chandelier? I hope not.

So she's like basically telling Antonia to start packing and she's like, what are you gonna take? And Antonia's like, I'm taking everything to college. And she's like, but there's a dorm room doesn't have the space. And she goes, you know, Antonia is about to leave the house and go to the University of Delaware. But like, I don't know that my kids are ready

to live without me. I'm like, I guarantee they have a very different perspective on this. They, they paid the Jeep for a long time. There are bags that have been packed under the house for like literally years. Antonia is just like, see you bitch. Yeah. So then we go

over to Teresa's house and it's another kid packing for college. This time it's Gabriella and Teresa's making her... I sound crying, like I was driving in the car and I kept thinking about you. Hold on, hold on let me clear my eyes. I started to cry because I was like, oh my God, I forgot I had a daughter between G and Melania. This is the most I've never had to cry for Gia because you was like 45 minutes away. Right.

But you're not gonna be 45 minutes. Yeah. Gabriella is going to University of Michigan, which is like a really good school. I don't know why I was surprised by it. I mean, Gabriella always was the one who seemed like she wanted to be rid of her family the most out of all these shows at an old and out of all the kids on this show. So like, she's like, I'm just going to do really, I'm gonna do really well with my academics and get the hell out of this shithole that I'm in right now.

Yeah. the hell out of this shithole that I'm in right now. Yeah. Commercials, here comes one right now. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name. I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things.

Jada, I love you. G-I Jane 2, can't wait to see it. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small, and then it gets so big. Be honest, Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides.

Leave Britney Spears alone right now! From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Dis & Tell. Where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds. And whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow dis and tell wherever you get your podcasts. So then Adriana and Melania come into the room and they're you

know, just all so old. It's crazy seeing all the kids grown up. It's kind of sad. And Teresa's like, yeah, GMO back, and Louis still lives with us, and then next year you're gonna leave, and then that other one, then we got you for another four years. Say I want a sandwich. Mom, please don't make me.

Say it. I want a sandwich. That little one. Can't believe she's so old. She's like a little adult. I know, she's 14, right? Isn't that wild? I mean, it's just,

yeah. So the pretty much the whole scene was just like, cause she kept doing it over and over and over again. So we go back to Melissa's house and she's talking about dorm life. Um, and everything, uh, with the boys and also Joe and everything and talking about moving, et cetera. And like they give Anthony a shower shoes for the dorms. You know, it's the typical sending the kid off to college storyline stuff that's going to

go on for like 12 episodes. And this season it's even worse because we've got two kids going off to college. Yeah. So it's that. And then she's like, Oh yeah, Joe, I mean, come on, it's your first time getting a kid to college. Oh, wait, I almost forgot you took Teresa's kid to college. She's still treating us like this, you know. And so then back at Teresa's house, it's dinner time. And Louie Jr. is there who's totally a chip off the old block. He's like, What a wonderful dinner, Teresa. What a wonderful dinner.

So if you could name this salad after your PIN number at Bank of America, what would you name it, huh? Yeah, well, you knew that Louis pulled over his son. He's like, hey, you wanna know how to be a real man? The way you do, you're a real man is you compliment your new stepmother and you do it on TV with the following lines, okay? Here's a printout, I'll put it under your plate. If you forget,

just read them. So he's like, Teresa, another wonderful meal. It's I'm fed so well in this household. I don't even know how I'll be able to live outside of this household. And how lucky am I that I am now your son. And don't forget the last line. You're the best. Nailed it kid. Be a man.

Be a man about it. Be a man. Like the video on the beach. Be a man. Come on man. Say it. Be real about it, Louie. Be a man.

Teresa, I love this lasagna. This, I would not be here without this fucking lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna.

I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna. This, I would not be here without this fucking lasagna. I was no man before this lasagna, but I'm a man. My perfect man, I'm not. I don't feel it, brother. I don't feel it. This food is so delicious. It'd be a shame if no one else ever got to taste it. Luckily, there are several cookbooks from Teresa Giudice available for purchase. It'd be a shame if no one else ever got to taste it.

Luckily, there are several cookbooks from Teresa Giudice available for purchase. It's like, okay, all right, all right. So we've gone from Teresa's wedding season to the next natural step. The book of pictures that Teresa got from her wedding season. It's gonna be a whole season of Teresa going, I'm gonna have a party party because I got married.

We're going to pass around a book of pictures. Don't it look like a magazine? Yeah, guys, guess what I got in the mail? My wedding album. And was like, oh, great, thanks. So she makes the whole family look at all these photos, which everyone's seen a million times on the internet. So she's like,

Yeah, I didn't even open it, guys. I wanted to open it in front of you guys. Ha! They're like, yay! Gabriella's looking at her watch to count down to college. Fab. So they open up the album, they're looking at the pics,

and she's, oh my my god that's one of my favorite pictures today babe do you like it? Oh my god look look how beautiful you guys look look at that. Kevryl's like wow hey guys I have to go take the SATs. Yeah but you already got in the college. I know it's just a voluntary activity to get out of this household. I'm just gonna keep taking the SATs whenever I can. And then we get the obligatory Teresa

is the real victim in everything monologue, where she's like, you know, I really feel that Louis is my soulmate, right? Because for so long I was mad at God because I didn't understand why why'd I have to be in jail and then my mom died and then I got a divorce and my dad died but I finally got my answer. I went through all this in order to see my soulmate in a magazine like photo shoot that I just got in the middle of the day that I waited for you to open.

Louie is the purple at the end of the tunnel. I don't know how I would feel about like you will go through all that just to get Louis. I feel like you go through all that to get Brad Pitt, not to get Louis. Well, I know it's like the road to hypertension. I don't think this is a good story, you know? Also, I think just being on this show gives people like a terrible blood pressure because did you notice that Dolores's man is now purple as well? Paulie's purple now.

Maybe because he's wearing a shirt that's the resize is too small to be fair. A lot of circulation happening in there. He came back the color of Ovarico's fame. What have we done to Paulie? This poor guy. Just give him a free flowing shirt at this point. So Theresa's like, no blending your family together. It's a dream. And Louie and I have created this beautiful family and feels amazing. Isn't everyone so happy?

Gabrielle was like, is it too early for me just to go to Michigan now? I could spend the summer in Detroit. I'll do anything. Let me get out of here, please. So they start talking about how this party's gonna come up and they're gonna be seeing Melissa and Joe and Louis like, there's a lot of moving parts here, huh? And your brother and sister, oh, we're gonna see him.

She goes, yeah, follow my lead in there. I'm the boss there, right? Capiche, capiche. He's like, capiche. Be a man. Be a man. So we go back to Melissa and Joe's and Melissa's talking about the party and everything and how she loves Jen Fessler. But you know, everyone's going to be there. You know, your sister's going to be there. Jennifer Aiden's going to be there. He goes, yeah, who gives a shit?

Do you give a shit? No, but it's just, it's so weird. Like, you know, you wanna finish the sentence for me because I'm just trying to get you to say something about your sister. It's like, you know what? What I actually want is I would love for you to walk in the room and be like, hello. There's the plan.

She's like, yeah, but she literally said, like, I'm never gonna see you again. And then she is gonna see me. Cause remember when she said that, and then we see the reunion. She's like, yeah, but she literally said like, I'm never going to see you again. And then she is going to see me. Cause remember when she said that, and then we see the reunion where Teresa's like, well, I never had to see you again. Cause you's going to be gone. But they did not fire Melissa after all, which I think, you know, when we called this at that reunion, tactical mistake, like it could not just go on the way it was guys. This is like another Bravo. You can't, if it's broken, fix it. Don't just keep being like, Oh, let's just let it limp on. No, it's obviously broken. Fix it.

So I'm hoping that they don't have a season like Potomac or something like that where the same thing happened. When people were like, okay, time to fix this show. And then you didn't do it. And now it's being taped together and just like bobbling down the, bobbling down the hill. Yeah. But they also can't set a precedent that if Teresa wants someone fired, then they get fired.

Like you can't just do that. Oh, I don't say it should be Melissa who got fired. I just mean they can't bring the cast back in the exact same configure. Something's gotta give, you know? Cause now you're gonna have a season of two camps. Well, yeah. Two camps is, sorry. There will be two camps.

My Jersey English needs some practice. Hopefully it'll be, um, hopefully it'll be better than what happened with Potomac. I mean, so far I thought the first episode was already pretty good. So, um, so Joe's like, what are you going to get her? And she's like, I don't know. I'm going to get a gift, whatever. And then they're joking about like, like, why don't you, hey, why don't you get an autographed picture of, you know, James Gandolfini? Yeah, it'll be fun.

She's like, I don't think her husband's gonna like that. Yeah. Well, guess what? Welcome to Tenafly. Time to go visit Jen Fessler. So Jen is sitting on her couch trying to play Amazing Grace on her guitar. And it's cute.

What's up with Jen Fessler? She's just like, I'm gonna have a hobby. I've decided it's hobby time. Jen Fessler hobby time. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound of fuck James Gandolfini when his wife wasn't around. Does that rhyme? It does.

He does. and his wife wasn't around. Does that rhyme? It does. It does. And then we, and then like, so then Jeff comes in, he's like, oh, I thought I heard one of the cats screaming. And actually his daughter did that.

Have you ever seen her daughter before? I don't remember. No, her daughter comes in. I think her daughter's Rachel. And Jen's like, so, excuse me, Rachel, did you hear me? She's like, yeah, I heard you, ma. You're just like, so, so bad. It's just so bad.

Her daughter's 21, and I feel like she's been working in like an office deno pool, a smoky office den a pool for 30 years. Yeah. I was going to say are the, is the, is the school around here next to the like pollution processing plant? Like why do all of the kids, they're like, ma, please stop with the guitar. You've got all Teresa's kids that are like, I'm so excited to go to college. Like what is wrong with the kids here? Are they, have they been smoking? Like what's happening? Never forget the time that they went on a little boat ride and like Delores was

posing on the rails, the boat, and there was just like chemical refineries behind her. Like that's just sort of the vibe of this show. So, yeah. So Margaret come, Margaret pulls up as Jennifer Fessler has now attempting to do as the saints go marching in and she's like, as the saints go marching in. I was like, thank God for Margaret putting us all out of our misery by showing up. Oh yeah. She's like, hi, you know what? It's amazing to see you. I mean, I haven't seen you. I mean, I have seen you, but you know, I haven't seen you on camera in a long time. It's so good to see you. Are you

trying to make guitars happen? Please don't do that. Nobody needs that. Oh my god, so good to see you. Happy birthday. I brought you a gift. Okay, it's a vibrator, but it's in the shape of a heart and not a penis, because really, who needs another penis around? So you've always got my heart, my heart in your vagina. I hope you enjoy that. I hope the copyright doesn't sue me. I was going to bring you a vibrator in the shape of a whale, but I'm really worried about those people never letting it go. I mean, they're like a dog with a bow.

It's like a whale with a bone over there. Moby Dick following a, it's like a dildo Moby Dick following around a dildo boat for the rest of eternity. Captain Ahab's just trying to get around the boat. One of his legs is a dildo. You know what I'm saying? Well, thank you very much. It's very beautiful. Did sort of just squirt a dildo. You know what I'm saying? Well, thank you very much. It's very beautiful.

Did sort of just squirt me a little bit. Oh yeah, I filled it full of Snickers crema. I don't know if you can. You may think vibrators can't be filled with things. Well, guess what? You're right, they can't be, which is why I learned my lesson the hard way, okay? You know what I wouldn't let myself buy?

Snickers coffee. Where'd you find it? Snickers flavored coffee. I don't know myself buy? Snickers coffee. Where'd you find it? It's called Snickers flavored coffee. I don't know, it's in the store. Oh, in the store. It was like a, like a Yoo-hoo kind of thing. No, no, it was a brew coffee. Like you brew it and I guess it's Snickers flavored and then you can put cream in it and it'll taste like a Snickers. But I was like, I'm not having that unnatural coffee. But then the coffee I get, I looked and this is not natural either.

It said natural and unnatural, well it doesn't say unnatural flavors, but what does it say? Something. So I think everything we eat is crap anyway, so I might as well get a Snickers coffee. Yeah, live a little bit, you know? Yeah.

So anyway. Thanks to the dildo, because normally I just use my travel toothbrush. We're learning a lot. We're learning a lot. We're learning a lot right now. What do you do when you use your electric tooth? Do you take the head of it off? And then you just let the other thing vibrate?

Well, I assume that you just have it at the base and you sort of just put it, you do some frottage with it. But I don't know, that's for Jen Fester to tell us. Isn't that cheese? You know, I don't wanna ask, no, fromage is cheese. Frottage I think is like the rubbing. I feel like what's gonna happen is if we go down this path, people are gonna be like,

it was on the after show, didn't you watch the after show? So I'm like, you just know this was on the after show, right? It had to have been. You just know this was on the after show, right? It had to have been. So yeah, I basically found myself with my electric toothbrush because I don't want to bring anything too big. Marge was like, oh, okay. And then what, you brush your teeth with it?

That's, I mean, it's kind of gross, but you do you. She's like, what, it's on my body. It's okay. So then they sit by the pool to talk. And of course Marge was like, what is this pasta salad? I have I've hardly had anything to eat today and I'm gonna hardly have anything to eat right now. I cannot wait for these three bow tie pastas and lathered in mayonnaise. This is gonna be delicious. Yes, I really this is such a wonderful plate. I have three pieces of bow tie pasta in mayo and then a slice of pineapple just delicious so

They just like oh well things got things are crazy at home Okay, our pools finally in and I just want you know, like, you know, it's like, do you know I looked at my calendar No, when we started my pool 1987 it's absolutely wild. Okay. I'm just I feel like I'm over my head with so many things. Luckily. We have a pool now So when I'm over my head, I'm literally doing a dive and Joe's like clapping and I'm like Joe stop clapping change your shirt Okay Well, it's not news ever since I've met you here in over your head. You just work work work Go go go go no time for the guitar. Am I right? I mean we really could be like

Taylor Swift and Dolly Parton two of us I mean, they're not really a team but still all that one of them at least jerks off with a toothbrush, so there's that. She goes, yeah, but since the day I met you, you've always had too much on your plate. Literally, they have three pieces of food on their plates right now. I love that they're- Cracking up at their plates. Yeah, they're holding up really just empty plates right now, talking about how there's so much on their plate. You know what? My life is go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And Joe finished the pool. Joe, Jesus Christ. Joe, you know, it's my whole life.

I never have a chance to just sit and think of like, what's going on? And so now I have to ask myself, Marge, what's going on? I don't know. I don't even know. You know, Brett, my stepson, you know, he's you know, he got he got married, right? He's getting he's getting married. OK, it's great. You know, Jan's not going to, you know, he's, you know, he got, he got married, right? He's getting, he's getting married. Okay. It's just great. You know, Jan's not going to be at the wedding because he died.

And then we weren't even like, we know, look, I always said about Jan, we weren't a great couple, but we always were like a great family. So for me to not see him. And so now she starts to get choked up. Actually, I was talking about how Jan, Jan died. Jan was her ex, but who we saw over the years, they would always like hang out and talk and everything. And they were great friends. And she's saying how she just really has only started

to process his death right now and start the grieving process. And she's like really like upset, like she has things that she would normally talk to him about or work through with him and he's not there anymore for her. So she's, you know, struggling. Yeah, it's really hard.

All right, let's talk about what a bitch Teresa is. Let's do that now. So Marge is like, you know what? Let's do birthday dinner. Okay, what do you think of that? She goes, oh, I like that. That'll be nice. That'll be fun.

I can pull out the guitar and play. Amazing grace. I'll sweep the sound. Save the wretch like me. Love that song. It's a great song. It's gonna be a hit. I have a good feeling about it. Or you could not pull out the guitar

and then we could do everything the exact same way. So let's do that instead. I know I think, no guitar, no guitar. Just Jen Festler on her own. Could you pull out the sitar? That's like a guitar, but you play it there and I sit over there. I sit far from the sitar, the guitar.

The sit far. Can you pull out just a DVD copy of Tar? I just haven't seen it yet. You know what? Okay, I just saw it on my phone. It's not only men. It's good to know. It's good to know.

This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. Thank you so much for listening to this. Come back a little later for part two. Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Come back a little later for part two. Never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no less namey. Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz. Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch. She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan.

Kristin the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. We wanna hang with Liz Lang. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 ccs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neil. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. We for Ava love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie, my favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podchadley. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender, the incredible edible Matthew sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle.

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