Watch What Crappens - #2419 The Valley: S1E08 Empath Ban!

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Janet tries to flex her power by withholding invites from Kristen and Zach to her baby bachelorette trip this week on The Valley. Little does she know that…well, the audience kinda hates her and will never forgive her for trying to ban empaths. Good luck with all this, lady! Grab tickets for our European tour at watchwhatcrappens.com. Watch this recap as a video and get our bonus episodes at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappensSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad free on Amazon Music. Download the app today. Hi, I'm Misha Brown and I'm the host of Wondery's podcast, The Big Flop. Each episode, comedians join me to chronicle one of the biggest pop culture fails of all time and try to answer the age-old question, who thought this was a good idea? Follow The Big Flop wherever you get your podcasts. What happens when there's so much that crappens? Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast for all that crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Bras. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. Hi Ben. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Good. I'm doing great. Okay. Guys, welcome to the Valley Day. It's a huge day here at Watch What Crappens, because we're here, you know? It's like every other day where we're here. But also because it's not really a big day. Oh, you know what? Because we put out a thing asking people to be transcript writers.

We got hundreds of submissions. Hundreds. No more. That job is closed. I cannot believe it. We're so touched and honored that you guys are going to do this. So that's exciting because our lives are about to change.

Okay, I'm going to stay out partying all night from now on. And also we're going to Europa next week. We are leaving so soon. We're going to see Taylor Swift and then we're going to do a lot of shows in Europe. Well, not a lot, three. But we're going to be in London, Dublin, and we're also going to be in the fabulous Birmingham. So here's what we've decided to do. This is the official announcement.

If you forget what this is, just go to our Instagram, which is at watch what happens, you know, Instagram, go over there. You know the website, it's called Instagram. Just add.com at the end or download the app. Hey everybody, you should download Instagram. Okay. So, um, first up we're going to do our London show, which is Amsterdam, which is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Let me open my goddamn text because of course I don't have it in front of me because I'm not prepared at all. Okay, it's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Amsterdam, season five, episode 16. Then we're gonna go to Dublin and we're gonna be doing Real Housewives of Orange County Shamrocks and Shockwaves season 11 episode 15. And then we'll be in Birmingham and Birmingham, pardon me, and we'll be doing Real Housewives of Orange County Case of the Vickies, which is their Iceland episode, and that is season 12, episode 17.

So do you see a theme there? They all take place in Mexico. Very, very excited. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, we figured if we're going on a European tour, we're going to bring our recaps on the European tour too. And so obviously the Amsterdam episode is the one where Rinna throws the glass down Dublin. There's two Dublin episodes. The one that we've chosen is of course the one where Tamara hyperventilates in the sprinter van.

And then the, uh, the Iceland episode that we are recapping is naturally the episode where Vicky is taken out of the hotel with a towel on her face to go to the hospital. Cause she's dying as Vicky always is on a vacation. And here we go with the valley. This is a video recap available on Patreon crappens on demand and our bonus will be coming up later this week. Okay.

Let's get into it. We open at Jack's and Brittany's house. And Jack's is like, what's wrong with you, Brittany? What is it? And she's like, well, I'm just feeling a little stressed out today. Okay. I mean, you have these days 24 seven Jack's. Okay.

Maybe I'm just a little allowed to be stressed out. I'm allowed to be stressed out Yeah, but don't take it out on me. I'm allowed to have a day where I feel a little bit annoyed Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like, alright. Well, I'm gonna go take a shower You want to you want to go come on take a shower with me cruise or whatever? Yeah He needs to take a shower. He needs to take a shower with you right now So Cruz is just sitting there licking the window, just trying to do something to distract from his terrible appearance. Well, at least someone in that house cleans because I feel like Jax has never put anything

wet on the window, you know? Yeah. You go, Cruz. I believe in you. And Brittany's like, wash that booty, booty, booty, wash that booty. I'm going to sing the same song to you. I sing's like, watch that booty booty booty. Watch that booty. I'm going to sing the same song to you. I sing the Mema. Watch that booty. So was it always Mema's beer cheese? Because I saw a thread on Reddit. It was like a life-changing thread where I questioned really everything I know, where they said it used to be called Mema's beer cheese, but I had a Mema.

And so I would think that that name would have resonated with me enough to remember it but now they're calling it Mammals Beer Cheese. Have we just been led astray this whole time? Is Mee-Maw copyrighted? I always thought it was Mee-Maws but like it's possible that it was Mammals and because you have a Mee-Maw, you're like the main person in my life who says Mee-Maw, that it's very possible that in my mind it became Mee-Maw because you probably said Mee-Maw because you're like I have a meemaw. Yeah, there's a difference between meemaw and mamaw.

And I've always looked at people with mamaws as kind of hicks because I have a meemaw and I feel like meemaw is classier than mamaw because whenever I heard mamaw, just because I was a kid, you know, so I heard mamaw and automatically was like, you're wrong, but that wasn't good manners, Ronnie, have good manners. I mean, look at me, Mr. Manners.

And so I would just think in my head, trash. I have to assume it was always mamma's beer cheese because I don't think Brittany is gonna change like from me mamma to mamma. I think like whatever it is, like you wouldn't change from like me mamma to like granny or grandma. No, no granny was a different person. We had a granny too.

She was a real nightmare. Everyone knew not to fuck with granny. Yeah, it was different numerology. So I wouldn't do that. But I'm wondering if they were trying to like make Mammals beer cheese or Meemals beer cheese. And then there was like copyright infringement. Like some, probably some listener was a smart ass

and took out the trademark before Jackson Brittany ever thought to, and so they had to change it to Meemals. I mean, I don't know what it is, but I feel like it's an important part of history that nobody talks about, you know? Where else are you going to hear about it other than here? Well, there is, I did do a search for Mima's Beer Cheese. I did a search for Mima's Beer Cheese, and from 2020, Mima's Beer Cheese came up, and the site is called Cooking by Bravo.

So Reddit led me astray. You know what, I've just wasted an hour on a Reddit thread. Thanks a lot, Jarkz. You're ruining my life. How do, wait, what did Reddit say that led you astray? They said that it used to be Memaw. Oh, okay, yeah. It looks like it, I think it was always Memaw.

All right, well, sorry for wasting everybody's goddamn time. Okay, I'll understand if nobody comes in Europe. Okay, so then Jax is like, yeah, just lick those windows. Just come on, you know, he's being a smart ass. Like, guess you learned that from your mother. Because everything bad that happens in that family is Brittany's fault, as we all know. And she's like, no, no, stop it, Jax,

stop him from licking the window, Jax. I'm still looking up this. I'm now gone down a path of like Mammoth's Beer Cheese because there's a Twitter account for Mammoth's Beer Cheese that I tried to go to right now. Mammoth's Beer Cheese. Now I wanna, it's, I want, so, do you know that Britney can't write,

if you go to at M mamas beer cheese on Instagram, that's just Brittany coming soon when that was okay. 2018 it was clearly mamas beer cheese. So Reddit is now officially declared. It was always mamas beer cheese. Yeah. It's always mamas always. Well, they're dead to me. I've just killed Reddit in my mind. JK guys, JK. Okay, oh wow, they have their own Instagram. What are the pictures like? They have 13,000 followers on mamas beer cheese. They have three photos. They have three photos. One of which is mamas beer cheese coming soon! From six years ago and then there's a picture

of Andy Cohen trying it and Brittany cheering in the background like hey, like that mama he like that. Brittany a gift of Brittany naming all her favorite foods. I like cheddar cheese, sharp cheese, shredded cheese, string cheese. Brittany's wedding vows posted on there. Okay, so then Brittany sends Jack up to give the kid a bath so that she can have a very private conversation with her mother, which is gonna be sad we know

because we see a flashback to 25 minutes after Jax stormed out of the date night and then returned. So this is what we didn't see. Jax came back after maybe banging someone at the nearest AMPM. So he came back and Brittany's like, are you going to try and come in here and be nice right now? What are you doing in here? You're going to be nice to me, Jax. You're going to make me feel pretty. You're going to take me on a date night. I don't want you in here unless you make me feel pretty right now, Jax.

And he's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I made you cry. I'm sorry. I made you cry. And he's like, well, you definitely pissed me off tonight. I was like, I know. I know my delivery sucks. I'm sorry. I made you cry. I'm sorry. I made you cry. And he, she's like, well, you definitely pissed me off tonight. I was like, yeah, I know. I know my delivery sucks. I know it sucks. I look, I'm learning. I'm learning. I mean, look, I'm just a 47 year old guy. I'm still learning these things. So Brittany is telling her mom, she's like, well, there was definitely a moment at dinner where we were like talking about baby number two and like Jackson's kind of like saying he has doubts a little bit, you know, because he's like open this bar and he's like he's just gonna be there a

lot and like I don't know I think that until he gets there it's actually like until it's like actually like open like I'm not gonna know how it's gonna like affect our relationship you know mama and Sherry's like well I never thought it was a good idea from day one I don't think he's good for a marriage. I always said that and I'm sticking to it. I hope I'm wrong. I really hope I'm wrong. Lady, you suggested she marry Jackson in the first place. You have no fucking cred. What do you say? Like you have no credibility. Credibility. Yeah, no one's going to believe you, Sherry. Okay, go back to your whiteout lipstick. Also Sherry is jumping on the Brittany. Let's just make up a whole new accent thing. Have you noticed she's like her accents like literally changing to a different state at

this point. She's just pronouncing words wrong now. It's just like her whenever she is just in a different state, like you know how the iPhone like automatically updates the time zone, just her accent automatically updates. She's like, oh, back into it, good luck, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. Whenever you're not landing in Mexico, but your phone is still like, you're landing in Mexico, don't worry, we've got you covered, or whatever.

Does that ever happen? It happens to me all the time. So it's like Brittany, you know, your accent has landed in a completely different state, but don't worry, cricket's got you covered, babe. She's pronouncing date night like doight night or date noit, noit. Like what are you calling now? Would you put my fair lady in community theater now? Why are you pronouncing it like that? No one pronounces it date noit in this house. I think there's a lot of actually British, like

it's very close. People don't realize it, but like I feel like the Southern accent can teeter into British very, very quickly. I would say they not like they not like they're not not not no, I've never heard no, I've definitely heard of I've definitely heard like a certain like certain regional Southern accents that sort of do that. They're like, like, well, I don't like how you do that. You know, because if you think about it like that, I do not, they get very close to me. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Oh, not once.

And then you go a little bit like this, and then suddenly you're Southern. Well, you're not. Just Brittany's Southern. Not all Southern. It's also the spectrum of our terrible accents kind of melding together. Maybe it just sounds like that to us because our ear is off.

Actually, I think with Brittany, Brittany's accent is so incredibly strong. It's, it is wild. I feel like I've never heard an act, like a Kentucky accent as strong as that. It's what, like her accent is literally like a cartoon. I mean, God bless her. You know, you can't help with the accent.

You, you know, you, you, you get. Well, she can, that's why I make fun of it. Cause normally I wouldn't just like totally mock and be like, what a stupid act. It's not that it's just that she, uh, it changes. She's like overdoing it more, I guess, to play into this. Like I'm Brittany. I'm from the South. I like cases and can do. I'm like, okay, well now you just sound like you're talking underwater. Like why are you talking like that? You don't talk like that.

I've been watching this woman on TV for 15 years or whatever. I mean, I'm exaggerating years. I do that. Because I feel like I'm almost, I'm like in my late 40s. So I feel like I'm old now. And so I'm allowed to do stuff like that. Like be like back when I was in the war 27 years ago, you know, this doesn't make sense.

Okay, sorry. I personally think that Jack's accent is the sleeper. Like I think that like, I'm just noticing his Michigan accent so strongly these days. I think it's always been there, but like we've been distracted from it. But now I don't know. I feel like I'm constantly hearing it everywhere.

It's like, he's like, no, why do I have to do that, Kristen? Like why would I do that, Kristen? Like it's really, really, it's there. And I feel like he has- He has jumped out a few times today for sure. Yeah. I don't know. Is it just something about like, is he just like, does he have like accent envy with Brittany?

He's like competing or something. I'm not sure. I think also it's a little hotness wearing off, you know? Like, um, I think if you ever, you know how when you pour milk into cereal, it makes that snap crackle pop noise? I think if the milk was expired, it would just be like snow up, quackle, it would just like have a worse accent. Like there's something like you notice when something's expiring that you wouldn't notice before. It's like maybe he was hot enough before that we didn't notice that, but now that he's less hot, we We have to notice different things because like we have to pay attention to different things So we just notice his bad accent

I think that when people get tired their accents start to come out more like whatever they do to try to hide it They just don't have the energy and I think that Jacks is just exhausted at this point You know and so like his real Michigander voices is really starting to come through. Yeah. So here we go. So guys, Jax is still learning. He's just a baby. So she's like, well, you know, Jax ain't gonna be here long. He's got stuff going on.

Mama, it just really bothers me that my mom's so worried about it, about it, about it. And then we see a flashback to three weeks ago where me, where mama's like, um, well, I don't know how excited I'm supposed to be about y'all opening a bar. I mean, you told me about your friends who opened a bar and they're all divorced now. Yeah. And, uh, I know, I know, I know, I know. Well, but open a bar, you know, you open a bar, get a divorce. Okay. I want this little boy growing up with his mom and dad in the same household, okay? I want this little boy to grow up and see what a dysfunctional marriage looks like,

okay? I don't want this bar to come in between whatever is left of this alleged marriage. I don't want to see my grandson living away from his father. I want to see while his father's at the bar. I want the son in the bar. That's how we do it where we grew up. Brittany, tell him. I want my grandson to pick up Jack's toxic traits

that way someday he too can find someone just like his mother. So. We haven't gotten the bar all the time. My parents took us to bars. It was fun. So Brittany is like, um, you know, I mean me being who I am, I just still want to try and turn around mama.

And she's like, was the bar opening in three weeks? Brittany or what? She's like, we got like 17 days mama. How many weeks is that? I don't know. Two weeks and three days. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, yays. We just gave Brittany good math skills. So, positive vibes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So now Danny and Nia are walking the twins and they get a FaceTime invite from Janet because Janet's messaging everyone because she's gonna have hibachi dinner. So keep Tori spelling away, okay? So Janet is like saying, you know I wanna invite everyone to an outdoor hibachi dinner.

And Danny's like, heck yeah. Oh wait, hold on one second. That zombie four can't wait. I'm Janice like I'm gonna text and call everybody today. I just want to have a reset night where we can actually have a ton of fun. You basic ass Janice fucking hibachi man. Get the fuck out of here with your basic app. Could you not rent a Skee Ball machine?

Get out of here Janice. I hate Janice now after this episode by the way. You don't get to come on this show as the most boring person and then start recasting the show, ma'am. You better get on your damn hands and knees and thank Kristen's ass for bringing you on the show in the first place because she was pitching this show with Jax. You don't do shit, except sit there and gossip about people. You don't get to come on here and try and recast our caca, Mary Posa. I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but I'm not going to your stupid abachi dinner. You can throw food

at your own damn face. Yeah. I also like how she's like, it's gonna be a big reset night, but it's not gonna involve the person that we have conflict with. So really nothing's gonna get reset at all. We're just gonna continue on with our normal dynamics. Yeah. So we see the text being sent all over town. And then Kristen just gets a dot, dot, dot, dot. So we go to Kristen's apartment. And they have Brooklyn, the get-go, which is crazy that Luke's named his Bronx. Wow, that's even crazier

because you know Luke hates the Bronx. Like, you know he hates the Bronx. Yeah, that is even crazier because you know, Luke hates the Bronx. Like, you know, he hates, yeah, that's odd. I need open air. I can't be in a place without just so much electricity there. That is disgusting and wasteful. So why would you name your Gecko that? I also think it's just like funny. Sometimes I just feel like people name animals and children after boroughs in New York city when they don't have any real attachment to them. I mean, I don't think Luke has an attachment to the Bronx. He might. It's like David Beckham naming a child Brooklyn. I mean,

uh, does David Beckham have like, um, does he have like strong ties to Brooklyn? Like it just, it's just strange. A lot of people name things Brooklyn. Maybe it's because they like the name Brooke and they like the name Lynn and they're like, oh, let's name it Brooklyn. And then it's then that way though. They heard it somewhere and they like it. And they hear it like Brooklyn is always being gentrified.

I mean, I don't know why you would want that for your baby, but I feel like ever since I lived there in 1993, Brooklyn has been gentrified. Every time you talk, every time you're like, oh, I used to live in Brooklyn, and people are like, oh yeah, well, now I'm in Park Slope, that was just gentrified, but now I'm in Green Slope, it's being gentrified.

It's just slowly over the years, they're taking over everything in Brooklyn. And I think if you have a baby that doesn't come out the way that you want, but you still have hope for it, you're like, I'm gonna name that baby baby Brooklyn because maybe if taxes are raised enough, that baby's going to get a Starbucks or two. Yeah. I just think it's like naming a child like Burkel. I'm like, well, it's a nice part of Miami. I'm going to name my child that or my lizard,

you know? Now I would name my, I would name my lizard Burkel, but it'd be more as an ode to Edie Brichelle and the new Bohemians, let's be honest. Brichelle, why would you do that after the season finale of Vandepump Rules? Brichelle. Brichelle is the brick version of Brichelle. Brichelle is the brick version of Brichelle. In the brick cast of Vandepump Rules,

we have Brichelle and Briariana and Brick of all here are my thoughts about the season finale of Vanderpump Rules I've always felt triggered by Applebee's and when they mentioned going to Applebee's nine times I felt very attacked. I brought a therapist on to talk to me about it. I once went to Applebee's and I didn't feel good in the neighborhood. And it made me wonder how many other things I've been lied to about. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. I love a good parasocial relationship with a celebrity who will probably never know my name.

I mean, honestly, who knows? Don't count yourself out. But my favorite part about these feuds is how they're ignited by the tiniest things. Jada, I love you. G.I. Jane too. Can't wait to see it. I accidentally laminated my brows too much. It starts small and then it gets so big. Be honest, Naomi, I'm fearful of you to this day. I don't know her. We all just have to admit, we're addicted.

Everybody has opinions. Everyone picks sides. Leave Britney Spears alone right now. From Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt Bellassai. And this is Diss and Tell, where we unpack why we get so invested in these feuds and whether or not our attention only makes the whole thing worse. Follow Diss and Tell wherever you get your podcasts.

In the climate ravaged year of 2072, the city of Pura stands as a miraculous green haven, a geo-engineered paradise that protects fortunate residents from the global catastrophes of heat domes, fires, floods and droughts. Demetria Lopez heads up Pura's public relations, tirelessly promoting the city's idyllic image. But when she stumbles upon a dark secret that if exposed would be the downfall of Pyrrha's existence, she must decide who and what she is willing to protect. From Wondery, the makers of Academy and Dr. Death,

The Last City stars actors Reyes Seahorn, Genie Turado, and Maury Sterling. Follow The Last City on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Last City early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So now we go, so we have Kristen and Luke and they are feeding this little gecko named Bronx. And Luke was like, oh, this is like a fruit mix. You want to try it? And of course Kristen's like, yeah, this is like a fruit mix. You want to try it? And of course, Kristen's like, yeah.

So Kristen like tastes it. It's actually like really, really good. Like I would say a little bit better than like parking lot median flour, but maybe not as good as goat cheese balls. Yeah, Kristen's that person. Kristen's that person who will taste anything. When you're like, ooh, is this milk bad? You should taste it.

The rest of us are like, why would you try and get me to taste spoiled milk? Kristen's like, who will taste anything. When you're like, ooh, is this milk bad? You should taste it. The rest of us are like, why would you try and get me to taste spoiled milk? Kristen's like, I'll take it. It's like liquid cheese. Why am I bringing up spoiled milk so much? It's so weird. It's my second time today. Not sure where it's coming from.

Well, don't cry about it, okay? I guess that's more spilled milk. Don't cry over spoiled milk either. No, it's like, if you spill it, don't cry. But if it's spoiled, you can have a moment. We're gonna, we wanna let you have a moment to cry over spoiled milk either. No, it's like if you spill it, don't cry. But if it's spoiled, you can have a moment. We're gonna, we wanna let you have a moment to cry over that milk that you thought you were gonna drink today.

Oh, so Janet and Jason's house, so they're talking about the Sabatchi dinner and how they're not inviting rabble rouser, Kristen. Rabble rousingousing pet food tasting, Mary pose a shoulder in the ear, kaka Kristen. Yeah, and Janet is hoping that her, that their kid does not play video games growing up. And Jason's like, oh, he will.

And she's like, no, I hope he plays board games, which was like, I was like, okay, I think I like Janet a little bit more. I like that she's pushing a board game agenda. And then, but then she's like, I hope he plays board games, which was like, I was like, okay, I think I like Janet a little bit more. I like that she's pushing a board game agenda. And then, but then she's like, I hope he plays Monopoly. We can play Monopoly all the time. And then Jason's like, no, Monopoly is the worst game ever.

So I'm like, no, I'm now more pro Jason. I was really invested in this little bit of banter. I'm not gonna lie. Well, Janet, I think wants her kids to play board games. At first, I thought she was saying that to be snotty. Like, video games are for stupid people and board games are for smart people, so I want my... But then I realized she's just like, I want my kid to hang out with me and be interactive.

And I was like, wow, spoken truly like someone who's never been around a child before. Trust me, in about five minutes, you're gonna be thanking the altar of fucking PlayStation. Okay, you're gonna be bowing down and kissing their ass for saving your ass hours of stupid fart conversations with a child. Yeah, that Animal Crossing theme song will be playing loud and proud in that household soon enough. So, Jana's talking about Kristen,

and you know, she's not inviting Kristen to her bocce party, and she says that Kristen is an agent of chaos and it's been a lot of stressful situations with Kristen for a while now. And because the drama she's creating, you know, I've seen this before and I have to put up a boundary, but like you're not like the drama that you're attached to is just the stuff that you started that she actually called out, right? Like she, Janet was the one who said Michelle seems to be a Republican, a secret Republican and um, is down with the, uh,

let's not forget the don't say gay policy of Florida. And Janet was the one who put that out there and Kristen, Kristen didn't even bring it up in a group setting. Let's not forget. It was Brittany who pulled it out of Kristen. And then Janet got basically mad because she got put in the crossfires. And that's what set this entire thing in, you know, in motion. And then everything that happened at the Mondrian,

that had nothing to do with Janet. So I don't know why she is so butthurt about that. And I will say butthurt in support of Michelle Lolley this episode. Because Janet is trying to deflect. It's the Patti LuPone flashbang bomb, or what, the flashbang, the flashbang Patti LuPone, or whatever, from last week.

That's what Janet is doing. She's trying to distract people so they don't get mad at her for calling Michelle Lolley out on being anti-gay. Now here's the thing that I think we're all forgetting in this. Well, no one's forgetting this probably, but it just sounds better to say it

when I'm ranting and raving, is that Michelle Lolly never denied that Florida gay law stuff, and she also has not denied having an affair, really. I mean, she kind of has to. But why aren't we asking Lolly the real questions? Why is it all Kristen's fault? I mean, she's sitting over there trying some fruit mix

so Bronx doesn't get sick and we're calling her a bad person, okay? What about the people who are actually being accused of things like the fucking around on your husband for a year with Rob Reiner? Where's that? Where's that accusation, okay? And then throwing diet coke cans

at your car drag queens heads. And while we're at it, what the fuck is going on with Bravo that we're not getting a reunion for this show? Look at all these pressing questions that we have, things that need to be said and confronted. Why are we, why is this not happening? I mean, there have been rumors going around that Andy is getting burnt out by doing so many reunions, which I support, but isn't there someone else who could do this reunion? I mean, we'll do it.

I don't care. For Christ's sake hire somebody else. Yeah. Bring somebody else on. It doesn't always have to be Andy every single time, especially for the non-Housewives shows. Why don't they just have Andy? Andy doesn't want all this non-Housewives shit anyway, and you can tell, and he looks exhausted,

and he should just not do those anyway. He should do all the Housewives, and then they should bring in other people to do the other shows. That's ridiculous. Yes, Rob Reiner would be a great moderator for this. Rob Reiner would be great. We should just have all the suspected people

that Michelle Lolley was fucking for a year as the lineup. Quentin Tarantino, Rob Reiner, and who was the other one? Michael Bay. Michael Bay. Just have a string of directors lined up. Yeah, and so just, I mean, Bravo, it's fine.

Just hire people who watch this show. It doesn't have to be me and Ronnie, but like- Have Stassi do it. Bring Stassi back. Honestly, have Stassi. Ew, God. Have Taylor Stalker. Stassi's. Honestly, have Stassi. Ew. Have Taylor Storber. Stassi is just like, you're all disgusting.

So. Why are you so gross? But don't just like, don't just like also like attach on someone like who clearly does not watch it like Karamo or something like that. Oh, he may watch it. I don't know. But like if it was a-

Well, they did run into that problem at BravoCon. They have a lot of- Yeah, that's why I mentioned it. And I saw that one Well, I guess it's on TV everybody could see it, but I was kind of surprised by that They just hired a bunch of B list ass people. I mean, sorry no offense to anyone specific, but Some they had some really good people who were like fans and historians of the show like that You had your Danny Pellegrinos there like who really I'm oiling on right Brian You know they had they did have some people like that.

But then they had a lot of people who have just like been on entertainment tonight before. And so they're like, hey, you should do a whole panel on this show that you've never seen before. And then they just ask stupid questions and no one's interested and people leave halfway through the thing. Like, guys, there's zillions of people who could do this, make an effort. But don't take your best show of the year and just not give them a reunion. That's nuts. We should do like we did with Below Deck that time

and do our own. Yeah, we'll invite them all on and onto Zoom and we can have, we'll host a valley reunion on Watson province. If anybody from the valley wants that, just all it takes is a DM. We'll do that shit immediately. And also Cindy C on Twitter, Cindy C on the case

case, CC on the CC. Cindy C on Twitter suggested that and I think we should run with it. Yeah. So if anybody wants us to do that, well, not the audience, because I know you guys will say yes, but who knows if anybody from the show even knows who we are or would come on if we asked them. But if you want to give us a DM, Janet, even you, your basic hibachi. I like Janet. I want to say, I want to say something. I'm just mad at Janet. I'm just mad at Janet today, but I just mean it. I, I, I really like Janet. I think Janet is so funny. I think that like,

I mean, ultimately she is doing what you're saying that she's doing. She's in the flashbang, Patty Lepone to create, like just, she, she wants to deflect. She knows she kind of betrayed Michelle's confidence. She sort of like, you know, talk shit about her friends in a way that could damage her friend's reputation. And she's, and so she has now kind of like, been happy to pile onto Kristin because it keeps the shit off of her. And I, but I love how messy Janet is the way she, they, they show a montage of her in a little bit that shows her just like asking questions of like gossiping everywhere. I think that's great. I love that. I think she's hilarious. But um, she should invite Kristen because um, you're on a show. This is Kristen's show. I'm sorry.

Like you're new. Okay. You're new here, ma'am. You need to invite Kristen on the show. Kristen is the hilarious everybody on the show. And it's not just because I invited them to come to a reunion with us. I actually really do like everybody on the show. But yeah, no, I agree. There's no one that I hate. You know, you can't just be like, Oh, look, everyone hate Kristen. Here's a hibachi party. Ain't nobody here but all chickens. I'm onto you flashbang, Patti LuPone. And I'm not going to take this crap from you. Cut the crap, lady. Also, you're going to need a babysitter and who's better than Kristen? JK. Hey, this is what gecko food tastes like. Kristen eating that gecko,

I feel like we have actually really just breezed right past that and I feel like it's important that we really pay attention to the fact that Kristen ate gecko food, okay? She actually, well, but it was still like, that gecko was eating a meal. Like, I don't like it when anyone unprovoked puts a fork on into my food while I'm eating at a restaurant.

And that Gecko was at a restaurant at that moment. And Kristen was like, hold on, let me get a little bite of that. It's like, ma'am, you were at your own table. You have an entire fridge that, a food that you ordered. You cannot come into Gecko restaurant and eat my appetizer. But what it's so, even Gecko think Kristen has terrible manners. I know that Gecko just disinvited Kristen from its hibachi party. You're not going to my hibachi meal. I'm only throwing my fruit,

my fruit mixture at Luke. I'm just loving Kristen entering her Shelley Deval era. Cause she is, her hair is looking like Shelley Deval in the shining. She sort of has that, she's got this like extra kookiness. Kristen is the sort of person who you go to the farmer's market and she's there in a little booth selling honey in a straw, you know, or an S a plastic stick. And I just, I'm loving this for her. I'm loving how we, we met her as this like skinny obnoxious,

quote unquote model who was like, basically you can't sit with us. And now here she is like listening to dreams by Fleetwood Mac in the corner, making t-shirts, eating gecko food, trying to have a baby kind of rumpled in her own corner of the valley. It's a great. It's like if Kristen was being played by Mo from Mad TV. Yeah. You know what's your mom? Yeah.

Uh huh. from mad TV. Yeah. Yeah. Uh huh. Okay. So Jason's like, yeah, I mean, Kristin really hasn't apologized in a way that makes sense. No one owes you an apology, Jason, and stop fucking enabling Janet to be terrible. Okay. And she's like, well, I don't even know if she's capable. Well, what about you? Where's your apology? Miss fucking drag queen drag queen in a library at accuser but not stand behind her Yeah behind her So now Kristen goes and meets with Jasmine

And I can't host reunions. Look how I would oh fuck off Janet. Nobody knows it. All right Us trying to be biased and I'd be like, I'm so sorry. I made fun of your voice, Brittany. Or I'm sorry that I just referred to you as skinny in the past, Kristen. What the hell was that? I just got offended at that. Right now. Five minutes later. Well, why are you offended by it? Because I'm always worried about my weight and I'm projecting my own insecurities onto what you're saying.

I wasn't attaching any value to it. I was saying that like that was the thing. Really? Because I just threw away peanut M&Ms. Threw them away. I ate all of mine. Thank you by the way to the kind soul who gave us peanut M&Ms. She was so lovely with her. That was a huge bag of M&Ms too. It was bigger than I thought. It was great. That was like my dinner that night. Anyway, what I was going to say is it was more just like she was at a place where that was what her life was all about. It was about being a toothpick and fitting into those flimsy dresses and being like,

this makes me better than everyone because I look like this and I am like this and that I can do this. Now I'm not attaching any value to the fact that she was skinny or not skinny or now she's- Okay, well I'm counting calories, so everybody calm down. That's the point.

Okay, all right. Sorry to step on your trigger. Yeah, really. So then Kristen is meeting with Jasmine and everyone on this show cracks me up how they're all blaming Kristen But actively gossiping on camera themselves. It's so funny I feel like for Kristen like you pointed out earlier Chris is being pretty subtle for Kristen, you know So Kristen meets with Jasmine at a place called the vine is the news than yours

and So she's like listen. I know that everyone's mad at me, but Jax is the one that's stirring shit up. Okay, like, come on. And so Jasmine's like, well, I'm really glad we did this because I don't know if you know, I just like, I don't even know how to say this. How do I, I need to eat this first. So then she puts some food in her mouth and just sits there and chews it, Kristen. this lunch is over as far as I'm concerned. I have to sit here and pause while you chew. Bye. Goodbye. We're not friends anymore.

I got a mimic roof cheese. So she basically is saying, you know, I talked with Jacks and everything. And, you know, he said that you had some information about Michelle, probably texting another guy. Um, but he was saying that, et cetera, et cetera. And then Jacks and Kristen's basically like, Oh, who's the only person talking about it now? You know who it is? It's Jacks. And then, uh, Jasmine and Janet,

I forget this is now Jasmine's third scene. Is it her third scene talking Talking about this on camera, trying to get someone else to spill the details. Well, here's the secret. From what Michelle told me, she was texting with someone who is not Jesse, and she had, I guess, an emotional affair with Rob Reiner. There I said it.

The truth shall set you free. Caw-caw! I fly on the wind of liberation and truth. I fly on the wings of a death bar. Caw-caw! So Jasmine's like, yeah, I mean, it's just weird that he would say that because like you were talking about Michelle

having some kind of interaction with a man, right? And she's like, well, there's somebody said it a few weeks back. So I don't know why I'm the one getting in trouble for it. Caw-caw! And then we see a flashback to a month ago Where they were at lunch at the steakhouse where Jack's took the vegetarian to the steakhouse And yes

Then we see a little bit extra because Jack's is like, you know I'm just scared to bring this up because it's really not my place to do it But you know, it's regarding Michelle, you know, cuz there was another guy. She was like totally fucking She fucked a football team. You're not recording this, right? She goes, Jack's we're on a TV show. Of course they're recording it. So there's cameras, there's, there are people holding giant cameras in your face and you have a mic pack on. Oh, oh fuck. Well, you know, I don't want to get in trouble for saying this,

but like, I just don't want to look because Brittany told me this in confidence and like, my wife will kill me, but like, look, it could ruin a marriage. I don't want this to come out at all whatsoever. So basically this is Brittany. Brittany gossiped to Jack's now got Jack's gossip to Kristen. Kristen now has let it out because they've been so mean to her because they've accused her for doing that. All this has come from Brittany. Actually,

everything has traced back to Brittany in many ways. Brittany is the one who coaxed out of Kristen at that game night, said once again, and or girls night or whatever what it is. And now this whole thing is because Brittany gossiped to Jax about this secret. Yeah, that's exactly right. Brittany plants the bomb and then just stands back and goes, what? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I may feel pretty.

Okay, so then Kristen's like, yeah, he even texted me right after lunch. He said, and then we see the text message pop up on the screen and it says, it's just like a nose emoji. And it says, do not repeat anything personal to Michelle. You could destroy a life. And I don't know if it's true and you told my wife now She's pissed at me like why would you repeat something unless you know the facts?

Please don't open your mouth about anything like that. Please. It's not your place And Kristen goes what are you talking about? I haven't talked to Brittany You're the one who said shit on camera that never even heard of don't text me crazy shit So then he goes home and he's like, God damn it, Brittany. Now he's making up the Kristen is the one that called Brittany. His compulsive lying nature is really just grown into a beautiful, beautiful flowering plant at this point. I mean, one could even make an argument that Brittany through the original flashbang Patty by like, by saying that, well, Kristen, you're the one who started trying to start

up so much shit around these days talking about Michelle Lali and such like that. Like she, like maybe, maybe there's a world in which Brit like Jack sells Brittany. I told Kristen, I told Kristen and she's mad and she's mad. She's mad because she knows Christians can start babbling and she doesn't know what Kristen may have said. So she just does this preemptive strike at girls night and then gets all the heat on Kristen. I don't know. That may be too calculated for Brittany. I don't know. I mean, I think she can calculate, not numbers, but you know,

things like this. I think she's very strategic in what she tells Jax and sends Jax out with into the world you know because that episode where they were fighting and I think it was it the Capri the Capri episode where they were fighting and then you see Jax go in and he's telling the people inside they have to go have the fight outside like you guys need to get out there and work this out and then Brittany's out there telling the other group y'all need to get out there and work this out this needs to be talked about and work this out." And then Brittany's out there telling the other group, y'all need to get out there and work this out. This needs to be talked about.

And they're both producing. They're both acting like producers for Unreal, just trying to get everybody to shoot. So I think those two are pretty, producing pretty well. Yeah, so Kristen says that she went and like, she was like, well, of course I went to Brittany about this. And I was just straight up like, do you know something that you told Jack or whatever?

And she said it was like an actor, like a celebrity. Like just ask Britney because she knows that. So, so I guess Kristen was like, that's what she does. Like that was my sage thing. She does like a really like her head is like very, very deeply nodding with her shoulder pumping. Yeah. And Jasmine's like, oh, now an actor's involved, oh Lord.

You know, I wanna believe you, I don't know, after all this drama that we've had in the past, and you said this or didn't say this and twisting this, I don't know what to believe. Krista's reaction to someone, if someone said, wow, Ronnie, I really don't know whether I believe you or not, I want to, but God, after everything you've done,

I would be like, fuck you. I had to just sit here and watch you eat a cracker. But Kristen's not, she's just like, mm-hmm, yep. Well, I guess we just don't know. Am I telling the truth or not? Mary Posa, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Mary Posa, uh, uh, uh, uh, Friday night lights, bitch. She's jerk. She's leading a cheer for herself in the stands.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. I'm Alaina, an autopsy technician. And I'm Ash, a hairstylist. And we just love swapping stories about all of the morbid things that fascinate us. And if you do too, join us on our podcast, Morbid. It's a safe space to let your weirdo flag fly. On Morbid, we cover dark historical events, sinister science, unnerving paranormal events,

and sordid high society murders. We also dive deep into the most notorious crimes in history. Our podcast is grounded in rigorous and painstaking research. We're also not afraid to read a b****. We keep it weird because a dash of snark is necessary to get through grotesque true tales of demented minds. So follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So uh- He knows whether I'm lying or not.

And you never will. Hey, hey, na na na, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, seriously? Ma, reposa, Bossa. Seriously? So Jasmine has a whole thing where she's like, oh my God, I don't know who to believe. Why do I feel like I need a therapist at this? I don't fully understand Jasmine's role on this show. She's kind of- I'm not sure, I'm glad she's here,

but I'm, and I don't even wanna say that because I feel so bad for the single people because the single people, as we see later in the episode, are so othered on this show that I don't want to do that to them. But yeah, they don't get that, they don't have the luxury of sitting at home and talking to their significant others

about like the 20,000 babies. But she's not even single by the way. She's not even single, she's in a relationship. Why aren't they showing her relationship? Maybe because I don't want babies and the show's only focused on babies, you know? Yeah, because she lives on the other side of the hill. She's off brand.

So now it's time for the hibachi night. So Jackson and Brittany arrived first and the Jackson was like instantly jealous of the flowers because you know he is the suburban guy who is like keeping up with the Joneses. He's like, what's up with their flowers? How's he keep his flowers alive? He never even waters them.

Oh, it's because they have a gardener. Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar. That's what I'm telling you. We need a landscaper, Dykes. He's like, yeah, I know. I know we need a gardener. We need a gardener. We need a gardener.

And our note taker added this part, which I think is true. Isn't their backyard all plastic grass? Isn't it like, astroturf? Nice note. No, because Jax is always mowing it. Isn't J backyard all plastic grass? Nice. No, because Jackson's always mowing it. Isn't Jackson always mowing the lawn? Oh, but I wouldn't put I wouldn't put it past Jackson. I know he leaves. He's a he's a big leaf blower. He has a little writing. Well, that's the front of the front yard. I don't know

actually. Now I don't know. Maybe he's just so good at mowing that his backyard looks fake. But one thing you can't do is grow a flower. I mean, isn't that the metaphor? So they show up and, um, they're talking like, there's some talk about like, Oh my God, you're wearing skinny jeans, da da da. And so everyone shows up slow motion to Hibachi night in the backyard in the valley. And, um, we see some people, Simon and George come through, I'm actually Facebook friends with Simon,

which is funny, but I've never met Simon in life. Isn't that funny how that happens on Facebook? You just have people that you're friends with for like 10 years. We've been friends for 10 years on Facebook. Never met in real life. Wow. I feel like this was me meeting him,

seeing him on Bravo. I was like, oh great. Nice to meet you in person So, um Now I'm thinking about all the people I know on Facebook. Why did you take me down this? I don't have to go there. Do not worry about it. I was just thinking actually these poor neighbors. I Feel like you're like, you know what? I'm gonna save maybe 5% and move to the valley instead of wherever over the hill. I'm going to just save like a minimal amount of money and just make the move. How bad could it be? Everyone

lives in the valley now. And then you move to the valley and a piece of shrimp hits your window and someone's like, a bocce night. And I go fucking bocce night only in this fucking valley, only here. So someone asks, has anyone heard or George George asks, has anyone heard from Kristen? And Janet is like, uh, yeah, she kind of had a blow up at Jack's dinner after his events after we all were really mean to her. So I didn't invite her here. Yeah. And Jesse's like, um,

anybody notice that I removed Christian from the group chat? Anybody noticed that one? Hmm. I don't like that. I don't like Jesse jumping in on the meanness. You stay over there. You're too short to be mean. No, that's Jesse who's mean, not Danny.

Jesse is already mean. Which one's Jesse? Oh, Jesse's the mean, he's headband hair. He's already a dick. I still get confused. This is very on brand for him. Don't worry, Danny's still nice. Even though he has black pools of an abyss behind his eyes. Sorry

I called you too short to be mean but the same goes for you, Jesse So Yeah, I feel like Jesse is not allowed Jesse for someone with such a big dent in his hair I feel like he's very mean like he's mean. Yeah, I Mean, he's just a huge dick. He's probably the one person on this show. I kinda like him though. No, I don't like him at all.

I think he seems awful. He would make me feel insecure in real life. He wouldn't make me feel insecure. I'll always win. You're always taller. Listen, you know what's straight, I feel like gay guys, by the way, I know that I'm being super nasty

to people who haven't heard me before, or even if you have. But the reason I make fun of this is because I don't have a short thing. I think it's hilarious that people are so weird about height and I feel like women are really bad about it and I feel also like gay men are really, really bad. I mean, really mean about height.

I'm not, I think shortness is so hot. I think it's like the weirdest thing to dislike somebody over, but I know that straight guys have a huge thing about it because women have always tortured them about it and been like, I won't date you, I need a six foot four man or I need a man that's taller than me or whatever.

And so I know it really bothers the guys a lot, you know? And so you'll always win with a straight guy that's shorter than you because you know they're so insecure about it. I could just like look down and be like, oh my gosh, your hair looks so nice from up here and that'll shut them up You'll always win Yeah Well, i'll think about that next time I encounter jesse lolly

I'll say Your words have no power over me because you're shorter than me because you're shorter just don't do it while you're sitting down Just be sure you're sitting down. You're only powerful when you're standing up. Your words have no power over me cause I literally can't hear them down there, wherever you are. You tilt up when you say that, a little bit.

So Jesse has removed Kristen from the group chat and he's like very proud. And Jack's like, yeah, I mean, she sent me a novel. Like you don't have my back and like, you said we were close and you never stick up for me. And then Jenna goes, did you block her? He goes, yeah, I blocked her on everything. Yeah. Yeah. But by the way, Kristen's right. Jack's helped start all this shit against Kristen. I mean, he's such an asshole. It's like,

let's start a show together Kristen so I can ruin your life again. You know? Yeah, totally. So everyone sits down. They're like doing Saki shots and everything and then Brittany's like, how It's like you see like the It's like when the it's like when the we are in the haunted mansion and the ride suddenly breaks You know and you have to sit there staring at like a crystal ball for ten minutes while they fix it That's what's happening on that fucking ride. That Last time I was there, I sat there for 15 minutes. I sat there for 15 minutes. I watched a projection of a head and a crystal

ball, watch it over and over. I'd like knew all her lines. It was like, from here to far, no matter where you go, my soul will always be here. I was like, Oh my God, this lady. But that's what you see. Like you just sort of see the haunted mansion in Kristen's head just sort of break. And she's what you see. Like you just sort of see the haunted mansion in Kristen's head just sort of break and just like, Oh, yeah, that's the whole show. It's just a ride through Kristen said, it's a haunted mansion. Brittany said, so Kristen said is not Kristen said like the

cars ride, I think. So all we're in a factory. Oh, we made a left. Now we made a right. There's Mr. Toad. Wait, I'm in Mr. Toad's wild ride. Oh, wait, all this time I thought was in the cars ride. I just wish. Toad. Wait, I'm in Mr. Toad's wild ride. Oh wait, all this time I thought it was in the cars ride. I just switched rides. Maybe she's got different things. Because I do feel like Kristen has some haunted, some haunted mansion energy because of just her shoulder. You know how you sit on those things

that are always turning in different directions and moves? Like I feel like Kristen talks like that. Like, well, I wasn't the one who said it. She is the one who said it, but. I think she is a. And you're up a held and you're down. I feel like it's just watching Kristen have a normal paragraph. I think she's just a soft case space mountain. It's like when she's walking around,

it's like they're actively space mountain carts going around inside her body, which is why she's always herky jerky. Cause it's like, she's like, oh, like when every time the cart goes up to like her shoulder, her shoulder goes up like that, you know, it goes down to her leg. Her leg moves a little bit. She's like, she's like, oh, like, whenever time the cart goes up to like her shoulder, her shoulder goes up like that, you know? And then it goes down to her leg. Her leg moves a little bit. She's like, oh, sorry, another ride's going on. Whoa, space mountain.

Anyway. So Jack's just like, what's wrong with you, Brittany? I just saw a toilet paper ghost come out of your mouth. And she's like, I don't feel very good. And he goes, well, maybe you should stop drinking that stuff. So then, meanwhile, on the other side of the table, Michelle and Jesse, Michelle's like, can you see my teeth? And he goes, what?

Of course I can fucking see your teeth. Teeth, which is eating things. What do you think you were eating with? Gums? But do I have anything in my teeth? He no, no, you don't. Well, do you think I'm just like showing you my teeth for the fun of it? No, he's like, no. So anyway, everyone, I have a question. I have a question. This is surely going to get my wife to stay with me. Okay, everyone. Um, has anyone heard the phrase of butt hurt? Cause that's like the dump,

not you, Zach, everyone else, anybody. And they're like, um, yeah, it's a word. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah. We see a flashback to Michelle saying it and he was like, Oh my goodness. He's like, I didn't know your feelings were in your butt. So, um, I guess this, this is what happens, unfortunately, to you sort of get to a certain age and suddenly like you're shocked by slang that's everywhere. So, um, uh, Danny is like, yeah, that's why I say, you know, like, but hurt. That's why I say, I only want, I only go on with first knuckle. Know what I mean? All the first knuckle,

30 knuckles under two inches. That's what I say I only want, I only go in with first knuckle. Know what I mean? Only the first knuckle, 30 knuckles under two inches. That's what I say. And Jesse's like, well, I guess we know how you made three kids in two years. I don't think that's how babies work, but okay. And Danny's like, well, you know, gets real. I don't know. I don't want to talk about fingers and butts. because then I start picturing everybody with the finger in their butt. I don't want to talk about fingers and butts. Cause then I start picturing everybody with the finger in their butt. I don't want to think about it. So Michelle's like, yeah,

he's always trying to correct me, but it is a word. And Jenna's like, I wish you'd let me get a knuckle in. God, I'm glad Kristen's not here so I could get that line out. So Brittany goes inside and she sits on the sofa and sort of a strange position and she's sitting there. And so Jack's like, you all right? No, I don't feel good. So what made you sick?

I think taking that shot of sake. I don't know. I'm in a lot of pain. I got sake illness. He has a stomach pain. Yeah. It's like I can't even smell the smell of the hibachi because it makes my smell makes my stomach hurt from the sake.

You know, it was making me nauseous. So I gotta go home. because it makes my smell makes my stomach hurt from the sack. And you know, it was making me nauseous. So I gotta go home. So you want me to come home with you? So no, you got to stay here. I'm gonna go home. It's like, so I just call you an Uber. So I just feel nauseous. You know, I'm just dying.

I'm dying because drinking, drinking. I told you, I told you. Well, Jack's such a jack on his fifth nose coming on national TV to convince the world that Brittany's a raging alcoholic. Such an asshole. Yeah. She's like, I had one socky shot. Like it was my first drink of the freaking night. Like him snapping at me. It's like so hard to be constantly someone's punching bag. It's like not by a year. And so Jack's like, just go Brittany, just go. Okay.

So, Hey everyone. Yeah. Brittany had to go. She's not doing well. So I gave her $5 and said, make your way home toots. We'll see how she does. And Janet's like, yeah, well, she must really not feel good because Brittany literally loves game night. She wouldn't miss it unless her pain was at an eight or above. Janet, you're really stepping on my last nerve today. I don't like when friends use terminology like that.

I don't feel good. On a scale of one to 10, how about four martinis? Okay, that's how many I need. What are you fucking scaling me? I'm not the doctor. Get the fuck out of here, Janet. You non-vider hibachi basic. Yeah, well, don't worry.

She has some backup because when Janet says, you know, Brittany wouldn't miss the game night unless it was an eight above. In case you were doubting that, Zach is like, no, she literally loves game nights more than anything. More than anything. Zach is like, if you know the game night's

gonna make you sick, don't drink it. You know, she knew she was going in, this could jeopardize her wellbeing, but she did it anyway. This has been happening for 10 years with her 10 years being married to an alcoholic. Hello, my name is Brittany. Jesus Christ. She's got enough chips. You'd think she could be sober for one minute. Jack's saying if you know something's going to make you sick, don't drink it. Well, if people followed that advice, he would never have a love life. So everybody goes over to the patio area and now it's time to play drag your heart. It's basically the newlywed game.

And so Jared comes out and he's like, he's in drag and they're going to do, uh, this whole trivia game thing. And Michelle, Michelle, Holly goes, I hate games. There's been a lot of talk about games where people say I'm already in this episode, but of course fucking Michelle hates games. Of course she is joyless and hates, like who hates games? It's in the name, games are fun.

We literally hate these games on this show. We hate these games. I know, but I hate. I can't believe you're so pro these games all this. You really don't like this Michelle. No, I'm pro games in life. I hate games on this show, but I'm pro. She just hates games in general. She just hates joy. She just wants to go.

She's a joy hater. She is a joy. She is a joy hater. She just, which is funny that she's boinking Rob Reiner cause he's like a comedy director mostly. Allegedly. Maybe she's mostly into like the army ones he did that you can't have. If you could, man, truth. A few good men. She likes a few good men. She thought it was a dating app.

She's like, honestly, after Jesse, I just want a few good men. That's it. Okay, so Zach is going to be Jack's couple because Brittany's gone. So let's just watch Jack's berate Zach for eating too much now, because he's Brittany's gone. So let's just watch Jack's berate Zack for eating too much now, because he's Brittany's standin'.

So Zack's like, yes, me best for Brittany. I'm Brittany now. Look at me having a shot of Sock Alcoholic. Talking alcoholic. So, so the first question is like, which partner is a better catch? So Jessie's like, well, I'm in couples therapy right now, so I have to say Michelle.

And she's like, well, and that I think that's why you have a life coach because of that response. Everyone's like, ah, so then where's your second date? So they're all answering these questions. Of course, Jessie's like Michelle's bed, which is really romantic and kind. Don't you think that Michelle and Jesse are still kind of a cute couple, even though they're about to get divorced and meet each other?

Like, I'm kind of jealous of their chemistry. I think they still have cute chemistry. Like how she's like, do I have stuff in my teeth? And he's like, gross. They have chemistry the way pneumonia and bleach have chemistry. Like, yeah, there's chemical reactions and we're all going to die from it. I don't know why I'm thinking that. So they're playing this game.

I can't give a game any mind. Does anything important happen in this game? Cause I know nothing really happens. How long can you last? How can you last a couple of games? They're all having, you know, like Nia gets embarrassed by some things like Daniel. And they're freaky. Nia and Daniel get freaky. Like they want to have threesomes with everybody and stuff like that. So then, um, it goes on for a very long time. Yeah, this keeps going. So let's say everyone picks everyone wants to bang Jasmine and her threesome, which is cute. And then, let's see, I'm trying to just go to the James

Mays house. So it was everyone had a great time. And Kristen wasn't there. And they all like hibachi. And it was wonderful. So now we go to Kristen's friend's Cameron's house and Kristen is preparing for a James May relaunch. James May, the t-shirt line that took America by storm back at some point in life in 2018 perhaps. So Kristen said- I would have liked a different business from Kristen.

I feel like James May didn't really work and I feel like people can really only buy so many t-shirts spoken to someone who sells them. This is something that I've learned. And I think that Kristen should have learned this as well. I would like maybe like, I don't know, something modern, like an NFT with a saying on it or. How about an NFT t-shirts?

How about an NFT, TEE? Do you want to buy my NFT? The t-shirt you wear, but it's virtual. Yeah, it's one of a kind. But you own it. There's only like 20 of these digital t-shirts. Yeah. It's in the blockchain.

You're welcome, Kristen, you're welcome. Because then also people all over the country would buy it and not just be stuck. I don't know. Anyway, so Zach's like, oh my God, this James May is her baby. She's worked so hard on this business. How dare you?

How dare you? Ooh. Do you know I'm trying to get pregnant and how dare you say it's my baby? Okay, continue. For now, it's her baby for now. I started literally carrying around a Hanes with a rubber band around a scrunch

and she was like calling it her baby. She was trying to feed it gecko food. I was like, Kristen, that's not for babies. I literally put this business down in front of Nick Jr. Cause it's such her baby right now. So, um, yeah, so, uh, this, this, yeah, this, this, this poor business. So we see flashbacks of people making fun of it. AKA Katie, Katie going, I mean, I can go on Pinterest and like, take my dad, take my friends clothes and slap them on a t-shirt, make some money to like,

come on. She said my friend's quotes. Like she's like, oh God, she's just selling people's, other people's quotes on her t-shirt, which would have been a better dis had Katie not been like trying to sell a makeup blog where she's like, guess what I do in the mornings? I put on lipstick. You should try it. At least Kristen has more, uh, t-shirts to show than Katie has sandwiches. I will say, I like this in the past. That's open. That's opening this month.

You're not allowed to say that that joke's already allowed to going to be old by the time this is released. Just kidding. Tomorrow. I wonder what it is. Opening. I want to go. Okay. I revise it. How, how many t-shirts does Kristen have? She has more t-shirts than Katie has puckers and pouts. Where's that? Now you're doing Ariana's second job of standup comedy, which you take very seriously.

Except I messed up. I tried to match game, but I came in on the audience response instead of giving, you know, I didn't do the call and response properly. Kristen has so many t-shirts. How many? Three. Knock knock who's there? Okay, so then we see Katie. Oh, yeah, we see Katie. So then Zach's like, Yeah, so I'm trying to be

there for her more than normal. Oh, here's what I read. Everybody's been dying. What's Ronnie reading right now? I'm already laughing because I know this is gonna be ridiculous in the best way, not shady ridiculous, just like, I read something talking about, you know how earlier I was like, Jackson, Kristen are the one who pitched his show,

where I got that from some article talking about how Jackson and Kristen pitched his show, and they've been trying to get it on forever. And the original idea for it was that Kristen was gonna be trying to have a baby with her best gay friend, Zachary. But then Luke came in the picture, so they changed it around and brought Jasmine

on to be friends with Zach. And so Zach has already been kind of dumped from main storylines on this show. They're really doing Zach dirty Yeah now yeah poor Zach. So They're setting up this t-shirt event and Zach is like this is honestly the perfect venue a big breezy Dusty backyard on a cliffside looking over Universal Studios. I die. I die. This backyard is mother. I'm literally dead. So Kristen's like, oh, this is where I'm having a hard time

as far as guest list, so I know you guys had a dinner at Janet's. Yes, Kristen, everyone's dying to come to your T-shirt relaunch in your friend's backyard, but go off. Meanwhile, I would like totally go. I'm like, where was the invite for watch for Craven's? So yeah, so then Kristen's like, not inviting me to this dinner.

It just feels like Janet's making a statement and not like a statement tea, okay? It's like she's like a third grader and I want you to know you're not invited. Okay, great, thanks, kaka. So so. But in Malibu at the girls' night, like Janet and I were crazy, so I don't even understand

what's going on. Very cut to Janet, barely tolerating her in Malibu. Yeah, Zach's like, but wasn't that before the Mondrian, Kristen? She got mad at you at the Mondrian, so why would you have problems before the Mondrian, Kristen? I'm not having your baby if you keep talking like this. You didn't directly scream at Jemma, but it's like another moment of you making a decision

to kind of, you know, ruin the night, sort of like you ruined my storyline on this show. Or like putting a sour taste at the very end, you know, things like that. I'm sorry, I just couldn't have a baby with that much hair, even for a storyline. I'm sorry, come on. So Chris, I was like, what does Janet have to do

with literally anything? And I was like, thank you for speaking for America on that one. Because what the fuck, Janet? Yeah, I don't understand what that has to do with any of it. So Zach's like, it just really sucks. It really sucks for Kristen because I feel like

people blame her for drama, but like Janna is like a shit stirrer and then we see a flashback of Janna being like so I heard there's Gossip Blue telling me everything I heard that Jax said something to Brittany but I don't know what it is can you tell me what it is hey I heard there's a story about something with Kristen I don't know did she tell you something can I hear about it thanks yeah and he's like you know what Janna is just getting a pasta summer because she's pregnant and people get pregnant people have passos it's like, you know what? Janet is just getting a pass this summer because she's pregnant and people get pregnant people have passes. It's like crazy. All you have to do is get knocked up. You can get away with anything. Congratulations, alright?

I think extending the invitation to Janet and Michelle to be like, I know you probably need more time, but like, I just want to let you know this is like where I'm at. Like, just be be heartfelt about it, because I don't think there's any reason to create any more drama or not include people. So just do it. So now we go to Jesse and Michelle's house, and Jesse is packing for his spiritual retreat.

I have something to say about Jesse. I'm gonna tell you, if your man is gonna be an asshole to you, and then his response to working on that is to go on a weekend where he can do drugs with other dudes dump him now That is not a real fucking effort. Okay? But I will say the first redeeming quality of Jesse I've seen all season is that he is an excellent folder of clothes He had folded like three little shirts to put into his overnight bag and it was like I was staring at a display at gap, like, which is probably where he worked at some point because those shirts were

folded immaculately. I have been trying to get my shirt folding game down, you know, and anticipation of this European trip. I'm trying to pack lean and mean and get everything nice and, you know, efficient. And like, I swear to God, I was in awe of the way he folded those shirts. He folds like a crazy person, like a psychopath. I feel like the sort of person who never gets a button. American psycho.

Yeah, I feel like American psycho, Bateman, aspires to this level of folding. People have their skills and their skills and their talents. Their talents. I can't wait to see your packing cubes. I'm so excited. Are you bringing one of those vacuum things that you vacuum the cubes?

I would love. So it sucks out the air? I would love to, but my vacuum doesn't have a hose attachment, so it's gonna be packing cubes, which is funny because packing cubes are not actually cubes. So I think they should have like renamed them to something more appropriate. What shape are they?

Well, what happened when you put everything in it, everything sort of looks like a chiclet. You know? So like a rounded, like a round. So it's a square but not a cube. It's like a rounded square. It's just, you think with a cube it's going to be like an actual cube, but it's not.

So like I'm resentful. OK, so Michelle comes to check on him and he's like, yeah, I'm going on this retreat. You know, for all I know, it could be a huge orgy, you know? And so Michelle's like, well, what do you wanna get out of the retreat? And he's like, I mean, shrooms, basically. Well, you know, some silence.

How about maybe I'll be around some men that know how to fold? Be nice. Just want to be in a space where the bucket list isn't playing on our TV all the time. So he's, he basically is like, he basically says that like this is like, you know, you know how it's like the Jesse show and everything. I just want to work on this and I just want to like enter a room without an ego and just have people naturally like be drawn to show and everything. I just want to work on this. And I just want to like enter a room without an ego

and just have people naturally like be drawn to me and everything. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say to you. Like, you know, behind all that, you're like a good person at heart, but you're your own obstacle, you know? And you keep running into that obstacle, which is why I think you have a dent in your hair.

I think you're literally running into your own hair. He's like, yeah, man, well, I'm gonna do this for us. I'm gonna do whatever it takes. And he's doing this whole thing about like, it feels like he's doing it not for her. He's doing it because he wants to like win. He wants to be like, no, I beat the situation. Yeah, and she's like, well, I hope that you can change.

He's like, change what? She goes, your personality. Ah, too late, too little, too late. personality. Too late, too little too late. This is the too little too late retreat. So he says this is a Hail Mary for the marriage and he's basically fucked. We all know that goose is cooked. So the producer asks Michelle, like, what do you think of this spiritual journey?

And she's like, well, I think it's partly bullshit, but like you don't change overnight. It takes like a lot of work to process change. Yeah. Um, so Jess is like, all right, well, at least I'll get high for a night. So bye. So then meanwhile, now Nia is going to host a self-defense lesson at the Roosevelt. She's dragging everyone out of the valley, which is shocking. And so Jasmine and Brittany are driving and everything. And Brittany's like, I've been up since 5 a.m. Cruz woke up at 5. You know, he had breakfast, you know, like the window and stuff. And then like he would not go back down to sleep. Then we went to the bar. Then he fell asleep at the eight minute car ride from the house to the bar.

So they talk about the bar and I was like, we only got 11 days of lifting to our opening. That's seven weeks. She's like, yeah, it's really moving fast. Chuck, well, Jackson wants to make money right away, but I want it to be right. I mean, thankfully they have me now they have chairs. Oh gosh, we're doing self-defense class.

I hope my boobs stay in the top. Oh, hey, have you oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Hey, have you talked to Kristen Reddall recently? And Jasmine's like, yeah, I saw her. And like, this is where it gets twisted. She's saying that like you knew about the whole Michelle's maybe texting as someone situation.

Everyone's like, well, I won't even throw my name in there. Now I noticed she doesn't say, I didn't know. She says, why are you dragging me into this? She goes, I mean, I'm not going to go around and talk about any of it to anybody. I have nothing to do with her dumpster fire that she started in. It's like, no, your husband started. Actually you started the dumpster fire because you told Jax in the first place. Yeah.

So everybody arrives for the self-defense class and you know, it's Nia. So bless her heart, but it's like, she's like, I really, I really like doing a self-defense class because I believe in self-defense. It's like, okay, FF, FF. So now they're done with that part. She's like, then you go like this, ew, use your power for good. So then all the ladies sit around talking, which is what we're really here for, of course. And Kristen's like, oh, thank you so much for inviting me. Listen to this one. And he's like, yeah, I'm glad you're here.

I really wanted you to be here, Kristen. And so Janet and Michelle, of course, did not come because they heard Kristen was going to be there. So Jasmine's just like, she's like, I just think you need to talk to Michelle. And Kristen goes, listen, I am the peacemaker. Okay. I'm like, everyone fucking please get along. When you look at me, you just think peace. I wish they would just insert me in all the conflicts going on across the world

because I could fix everything. I am a peacemaker. Also the peace maker. Like if anyone's ever hungry, I'm really good at peas. Yeah. When she said she's a peacemaker, I'm the Peas Maker. Like, if anyone's ever hungry, I'm really good at peas. Yeah. When she said she's a Peas Maker, I laughed so hard. And Jasmine's like, Peas Maker? They're just all looking at each other, like, what is this lady talking about? So, Brittany's like, well, you haven't been a Peas Maker recently after you, because I heard that you said

that I said that, and they said that, and everyone said. And you're like, well, Brittany knows all about this rumor. Well, I'm not going to say nothing. And why are you bringing my name in any of this? Kristen why Kristen? No, what I said was the only thing that that that I said about it was that Jack's is the one who brought it up To me and I don't want to talk badly about your husband to you Like all of a sudden Kristen doesn't want to talk badly about Jack's

Brittany is like now for the sake for everyone, I feel gross. Oh wait, sorry. I meant to say for the sake who glad, glad it was just a typo in my brain. So anyway, for the sake of everyone, I just wish you guys would talk things that talk, talk things and things would just be better. And Jasmine's like, yeah, we can all just be that way. We can all just be in the same room together. And Britney's like, well, yeah.

And I just hate this that they couldn't come tonight because of drama that I and my husband actually kind of started blaming Kristen for. I just hate that. So Kristen's like, oh my God, this conversation sucks because I know that I just have to roll over cause it's everybody against me, you know? And so Brittany's like, well, you know what? I just, I just think that it would make things better with Janet too. If things got better with Michelle and it's going

to be on you try to make those things better. Honestly, even though I'm the one behind the scenes telling everybody that you said this and you said that and getting you in trouble in the first place, that's kind of hilarious. It's Jackson's fault. My boobs hurt. They hurt. They're so heavy. So now we go over to Kristin's James May relaunch and Zach is like helping set everything up. Things are windy, the teacher wreck keeps getting knocked over, like tumbling down the hill.

And Kristin's just lying on the ground while Zach is doing everything. And she's like, Jesus, it's hot, I need shorts. I'm gonna die, I'm literally gonna die. I'm gonna die before I get to see Brittany at game night. Like, cause literally she loves game night. She literally loves games. Oh my God, I'm gonna die, I'm literally gonna die. I'm gonna die before I get to see Brittany at game night. Like, cause literally she loves game night. She literally loves games. Oh my God, I'm gonna die. Ha ha.

So then Kristen just like sits around on her phone while he's doing all the work, you know? This is the abusive gaze that we see on Bravo. Just another example, this week, I plead to you again, gay people, stop being friends with these Bravo assholes who just to you again, gay people, stop being friends with these bravo assholes who just boss you around, make you do everything. I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of seeing it on the TV. We deserve better." So Zach, she goes and gets changed into like kind of a gypsy skirt type thing and he's like, oh my God, you look so good. You look so good. I cannot wait to have our baby. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm gonna need a minute. Oh Don't touch me I'm sweaty. Um, can we go over everything real quick? Okay, so here's what we need We did a restroom side. Uh, we can like seriously just like tell people it's not there's a hundred people coming

Yeah, but but that but Jax is coming. Alright we need a restroom sign. Um speaking people coming. Um speaking people coming. Sorry it's like really hard to tell if it's me talking. Are you talking? Yeah so speaking people coming like who responded for my group. And so Kristen says that she basically invited everyone except for Janet and Michelle which makes Zach really upset because Zach wanted Kristen to be heartfelt and invite them and let them be the ones to say they're not gonna come.

Yeah, and so then he's like, you didn't even invite them? And she's like, no. So then flashback to five days ago, and he was telling Kristen, you need to extend the invite, and she's just ignored him, dun dun dun. So then she's like, I mean, I have other things to worry about. He's like, I know, Krastan, or baby. So then she's like, fuck those girls, you know, basically. And he's like, okay, so their friend comes over and he's wearing croc boots, bright pink

croc boots. Yeah, Zach's like, Oh my god, I know you want me to love Crocs, but it's just not gonna happen I know he's like you can't love these. So now we go over to Jackson Brittany's house and Brittany's on the phone with Janet talking about like a big bear trip because While Jack's is like working quote-unquote working at the counter and Brittany's like so Jack told me about the trip I'm so freaking excited because of course we're in you know that so Janet is doing a baby moon to Big Bear and she's inviting couples before her baby shows up and but of course she's not inviting Kristen so we can already tell that this is gonna be drama and also like I hate when people don't

invite people to the cast trip. Like you gotta invite everyone to the cast trip. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This stupid lady, you can't do that. You're new. You are new here. You don't get to just come on and recast the leads of the show. You whack a deal with your hibachi party. Like, did she really think, oh my God, today I'm taking the show over with my hibachi party. Fail. Fail, Janet. So then, um, yeah. And also your party too, like, Oh God, didn't we just have a baby shower and now we're going to have to have a sip and see and now we're going to have to have all this other shit for your baby.

Now we have to have a final party for you before your baby comes. How many parties do you need? Now you're just inventing things. Jack's of course is like, well, I have to tell Kristen, right? Like, this feels like a messy situation, so I need to be messy. So I'm going to have to do this. And Brittany's like, why? Because I know I'm going to James May thing. Like I'm sorry, it's her friend, but like, I don't know what I, I'm going to see her again. And I feel like this is the only opportunity I have to tell her.

I mean like I have to be messy. I need to be messy. Like this has to happen. I've had to, I need to be messy right now. Yeah. He's like, wow, for her not to invite Kristen, that's messy even for me. So then Janice like, okay, well, good luck today. I hope it goes well. Feel free to call me later if things go down because I really want the gossip, even though I'm trying to get this lady kicked off the show.

Brittany's like, okay, love you, keep you updated all day, bye. So now they're talking about like, this is so crazy with Kristin and everybody. And now it's time for Jackson and Brittany to go to this party. Well Brittany is like, you know, it's never been this crazy and mixed up

with my friendship with Kristin before ever. I'm just like so mad that she's like not invited to break up, I mean like whenever, like whenever like she hasn't taken even the say, hey Jakes, get off the phone. And she takes Jax she takes Jax's phone get off your freaking phone Jax I'm talking about Christian and he's like I'm sorry no no I was uh I was talking to the DJ for the party no you were on Instagram I can see the grid in your background okay and that wasn't even the AMPM page like you say you're always looking at.

Sorry I've got three other businesses going on, all right? I'm so busy, I've got this. Trying to lose more hair in preparation for that thing. Hockey, hockey down in Tampa. That's still in the mix, still waiting. We're in the final round of interviews. And she's like, oh yeah, you got the businesses. Do you do that by yourself? Because I'm pretty sure I'm doing the exact same things as you are doing, Jax. And he goes, oh, yeah, you got the businesses that do you do that by yourself because I'm pretty sure I'm doing the exact same

Things as you are doing Jax and he goes no no no I still have to work. Can you just like take ten minutes and not be on your phone? Okay? He's like, but it wants to talk about Kristen some more. Okay fine. Okay. Well, they'd like then we have nothing else to talk about then I mean, it's like I don't care about Chris and I don't care about Kristen. Okay, I've got businesses I got business, you know, how hard it is being married to an alcoholic? She's like, wait a minute. Sorry, I was just saving that for the camera, sorry. Nothing, honey, nothing.

So now we go back to the event and Jackson and Brittany are there. And Jackson's like, wow, looks like Kristen has more friends than I thought. Wow, I don't recognize anybody. Did she just hire all these people? Do you think they, uh, I think they're available for our bar launch. So then Jasmine shows up, everyone's showing up, Danny and Nia, twins and everything. There's not, there's another tattoo stand.

They love, uh, tattoos as party favors on the show and they're looking around. Yeah. So Jack's permanent thing for such a temporary place. Yeah. That's the thing. Like you're a permanent thing for such a temporary place. Yeah, that's the thing. Like you're just gonna get like a little something. I don't know. So Jax is like, so what are we actually doing here?

And Zach is like, oh, it's a rebrand. Yeah, yeah, it's a rebrand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't you know that? And he's like, I don't know. I don't know what this is. I don't think anybody can even buy anything. I think it's just samples. I might have rather just go on a bunch of trippy drugs with Jesse and have a spiritual journey at this point. And Zach's like, yeah, she just wants to get back to her. So that's what

we're doing. He's like, sorry, I couldn't hear you. I'm counting businesses in my head. This is making me tired. So then Brittany is at go gossip and they're talking, she's pulling at her t-shirt. She's like, this, this kind of t-shirt don't work for big, big women. No t-shirt works for anyone that lets Jacks be in control of what goes inside of them. Yeah, period. So Zach is like, well, I think that was like a first run.

Like that would may have been one of the ones that fell down the hillside, I'm not sure. Well, when I talked to Janet earlier, everybody got a flyer and like even Jerry got one. And like, of course, like Janet's gonna hear about this if she sends one to Jerry and Simon. I was like, ugh. And Zach is like, but here's the thing, I even told her.

Like I was like, Kristen, invite them, let them say no if they need boundaries. They're all mad at Kristen for not inviting Janet and Michelle, but it was Janet and Michelle who were the ones who've been excluding Kristen. Yeah, and Michelle, I can see it, because Kristen is going around like, oh, I've fallen with your affair. I'm protecting all your secrets, don't worry.

But Janet, Janet doesn't have that excuse, I don't like it. So, and Brittany's like, yeah, yeah, Don't worry, but Janet Janet doesn't have that excuse. I don't like it. So Brittany's like yeah, I just don't even think she cares like okay So what are we gonna do to try and make her car? We're gonna make her check. Well, I mean, what about the baby moon though? I mean chance. No, she's not even gonna go to the baby moon. Maybe she'll care then he goes Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute John is having a baby more Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to Big Bear.

And she's like, I mean, she's knocking about Christian and like, you should talk to Janet because like right now it's kind of just like couples thing, you know, have you ever been in a couple? Oh, you haven't dated anyone ever, have you? Well, so I don't know, like, I don't know if you're coming or not, but like I kind of feel weird even being the one to tell you

because I don't know how I love you. I better be invited. I better be invited. Hold on a second. It's really hard hearing this. And he's basically like, fucking Janet, we're in a good place, and the only reason she's doing this is because I'm supporting Kristen, you know?

He's like, yeah, it's not about the couples. You don't want me there because you're either not comfortable or you think I'm so not on your side that I would immediately be talking to Kristen about y'all. So now the whole group gathers and Jax just has this giant circular sweat stain right around his belly button. And Zach is like, you're just like me,

except I guess you're getting lighter to baby moons. I don't know. And Jax is like, yeah, I don't know. It's like guess you get invited to Baby Moon's. I don't know. And Jack's like, yeah, I don't know. It's like, whatever. I just, I swear, I don't know. There's nothing I can do about it. So Luke is like, Kristen, are you okay? And she goes, you know what, seriously,

it takes a lot for them to be here with babies. So I really, really appreciate it. It means a lot. Just makes me emotional. Just like a big, happy family. I love it where are the geckos I'm hungry I need their food and so Jack says like yeah I hate to be the Debbie Downer of your event but I'm just gonna get this out of the way cuz I'm

uncomfortable being around strangers people from Gregg's list that you brought in for this fake business it's not really yours got a lot of businesses to run so hate to be Debbie Downer, but Janet and Jason are planning a baby moon. You're not invited. We're all going to Big Bear without you. So go ahead, cry about it. Zach, take it away.

And Jasmine's like, wait, what? And he's like, yeah, I mean, I was the only one who said that you guys should come. I just want to get that credit. And so Zach is like, I mean, it's just like, I'm like, okay, I'm like just like trying to like stop. I'm like, I can't,, when everybody moved to the valley, it like basically created a division and our friendship.

And like, I didn't get invited to like a lot of stuff. And like being one of the only single people in the group and like not inviting me on like a baby moon feels like I'm being just like singled out, like emphasis on single, cause that's what I am. Like why the fuck am I not invited? I did nothing wrong. So did they invite Jasmine?

I couldn't tell by her response. Cause Jack said, unfortunately they don't want to invite you guys. And she said, wait, what? I couldn't, I thought maybe she wasn't invited, but maybe she is cause she is in a relationship. Well, I don't know, but I hope she's not because I hope they can all gang up now and get rid of Jen. Are you seriously going to try and go against Kristen and a

gay? Really? Good luck, honey. Good luck. Kristen, you know, have you seen these shows? Surely you have. Are you really going to try and go up against Kristen? You fucking moron. I cannot wait to see you get eaten alive, lady. Can't wait. Good luck. We'll see how it all shakes out, but that's it for this week's episode. It sure is, everybody.

Thanks so much for being here with us. We will be back tomorrow with a little summer house, and there's still a bonus episode, and our live dwell hello from the Comedy Festival will be posted I don't know today tomorrow some point over on one Dreeplus thank you so much for being here we will talk to you guys next time okay bye bye watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like Allison King

Ashley Savoni she don't take no baloney. Strolling the park with Kaitlyn Clark. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Hitchels. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickles. She's never scary, it's the green fairy. Jamie, she has no last name-y. Hava Nagila Webber. Know your worth with Jason Kurtz.

Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's always supplying, it's Kelly Ryan. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. We wanna hang with Liz Lang. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg. The Bay Area Betches, Betches. And our super premium sponsors. Somebody get us 10 ccs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

We for Ava love Ava. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish. She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo.

We love him madly, it's Kyle Podchadly. Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. The incredible, edible Matthews sisters. Give him hell, Miss Noelle. Ring that bell, pour Rachel. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon, out of a cannon, Anthony! Let's take off with Tamla Plain!

She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar! We love you guys! today. Or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey. I'm Shimon Yai, and I have a new podcast called The Competition. Every year, 50 high school senior girls compete in a massive scholarship competition. I wouldn't say I have an ego problem but I'm extremely competitive. All of the competitors are used to being the best and the brightest and they're all vying for a huge cash prize. This will probably be the most intense that you've ever gone through in your life. I remember that feeling because I was one

of them. I lost. But now I'm coming back as a judge and also a kind of teen girl anthropologist. Because if you want to understand what it's like to be a young woman in America today, the competition's not a bad place to start. Hopefully no one will die on station night. From Pineapple Street Studios and Wondry, this is The Competition. Follow The Competition on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. the competition.