Watch What Crappens - #242: Siriusly, Y’all! With Katie Cazorla and Julia Cunningham

Episode Date: November 25, 2015

Ben is still out, so Ronnie called a couple more hilarious chicas to laugh our butts off at the ole Bravs this holiday season. Julia Cunningham from Entertaiment Weekly’s Sirius XM Channel comes on a blind date to talk Vanderpump Rules, and Katie Cazorla of The Nail Files and E!’s upcoming Second Wives stops by to talk about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Uncensored. This is almost three hours long, and I’m grateful for these birds. If you’re wondering where our Below Deck recap is this week, worry not! HUGE episode coming up with Kate Chastain and Nadine Rajabi to talk both parts of the reunion. Meanwhile, there are TWO bonuses this week (a trip through Housewives Instas with Angie Thomas and a trip through the brain of file master Katie Cazorla), so find them on Patreon! Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Texture is the app that gives you an all-access pass to the world's best magazines right on your phone or tablet. To sign up, go to texture.com slash crappins. Hey, it's me, Ronnie. Happy Thanksgiving. Welcome to Watch What Crappins. Just a quick note so you guys know what's going on, because Ben is out of town and I'm cheating with our podcast friends.

So, just a heads up so you know what episodes are what. We have already done a full hour and 45 minutes with the lovely Angie Thomas of Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was a maze. We broke it down. We also did a very special Thanksgiving bonus episode, which you can find at patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. As with all our bonuses, which are all available once you are a member of any dollar amount. This episode is the gorge and this was a blind date.

So much fun. Julia Cunningham from SiriusXM came to talk about Vanderpump Rules with me and Ms. Katie Cazorla stopped by to do a little Real Housewives of Beverly Hills uncensored. She also stuck around for an extra bonus bonus episode, darling, which

you can find at Patreon. And you can also find in your normal feed. So those of you who are wondering why you're getting bonuses, it's a sample bonus, guys. It's to show you what the subscribers are getting all the time. Everybody, thank you so much. We are not skipping Below Deck this week. We are coming to do a double episode next week so we can get both reunions in with nadine rajabi who is one of the producers on the show and an actual real life close friend of mine

and miss kate chastain who's a new friend internet friend podcast friend and just all around funny hilarious lady so we will be talking major crap about that next time. So be patient. It's coming, and it's going to totally be worth it. In the meantime, let's get on with Vanderpoop drools and a little real half swabs of Beverly Hills. Happy Thanksgiving, you guys. Love you much. Ben, I miss Doherty. We love you, our little turkey.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. Here I am with Ms. Katie Cazorla. Our new show, Second Wives on E! premieres after they shoot it. We start filming. We have to film this whole big deal thing in the next two weeks. I'm binge dieting, and I've been doing Nutrisystem to get in shape. Nutrisystem, that's an old reliable, that one, you know, people discount it because the name's old and it sounds like NutraSweet, which gives you cancer. So I think people are like, no, that one's gross, but it's always worked. Oh my God, it does work. But now I have sky high cholesterol and probably high blood pressure, but I lost weight. Who cares? You know, thin people can die of heart attacks.

It's called fairness, Katie. It's what's on the outside that counts when you're on reality TV. It's so shallow. It's what you don't put into the inside that counts. Yeah, exactly. I mean, look at what you're watching. You're all victims of it. So this first hour is all about the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills uncensored and the Vicky

Tells All special. And the hour after that is Atlanta, Real Housewives of Atlanta, a full hour and 45 minutes of that. She's talking with Angie Thomas of the Deep Thoughts podcast. So stick around for that. Okay, so now let's get on with this, Katie. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills uncensored. Oh my God, such a good intro.

I thought it was going to be ridiculous. I was like, why am I going to waste my time on this fellow episode of these stupid bitches fighting over the same thing from season one? I actually thought it was going to be the same thing too. Do you know that? I thought it was going to be like when they show the what's that called? The never before seen blah blah blah or like you know secrets revealed. Yeah.

It's all shit we saw. So it was like okay but let me tell you something. Oh snap. I was sucking down the wine. Loving every minute of it last night. I don't know what's happening over there but i can tell you this that's my new favorite thing to say i can tell you this um kyle richards has pissed somebody off kyle richards has pissed somebody over there off because they basically grabbed her by a ponytail and swung her ass around and beat her on every wall that was around there and then just dropped her on the floor.

I was like, bang. I know. What happened? Oh, my God. Well, I don't remember how crazy the first season was. It really did get crazy. And that was one of the first housewives that got that dark. I mean, this show got really dark in the first season.

I actually was like, you know what? Why weren't they showing the first of all, the limo scene, all the other stuff? I can't believe that they didn't show that stuff. Like, why didn't they put they showed it now? So why didn't they put it in in the very beginning? Well, back then it was you couldn't just talk about alcoholism. I mean, that was the first time it was ever. They didn't even mention it by the end when Andyy was asking the questions i don't even think he said

are you an alcoholic didn't he say something like kim do you or do you not have a problem you'd like to discuss did he actually ever say are you an alcoholic i don't think in the reunion no because remember they were like you can't say that you You can't. I think what happened was, this is my theory on this whole show. So I think that they got Kyle Richards as like the first person. And since she knew like famous people, they were relying on Kyle to drag her friends in on this, you know, never really before seen show and what the concept was and blah, blah, blah. Right.

All true so far. You're right. That's actually all correct. Right. And so they were kind of owing it to Kyle Richards. and what the concept was and blah, blah, blah. Right, all true so far. That's actually all correct. Right. And so they were kind of owing it to Kyle Richards. Like, well, she's our person and we can't like, you know, piss her off or whatever. Cut to the popularity of the show.

Now it's like every woman for themselves. Like, you know, they all want way more money. And they're like, fuck you guys. You know, stop being greedy. I'm just going to like totally get rid of you and we'll get somebody else and i mean it's it's become like crazy it has become like crazy though and now they don't care the more crazy shit you say they're putting it out there and that's exactly what they did last night yes they sure did and it was fascinating not only seeing the behind the scenes parts, but the producers talking about it

because I've been obsessed with the show on Lifetime about the behind the scenes of The Bachelor. What's that show called? Oh, yeah. Please tell me you know what that's called. What is it called? I'm so dumb. Not behind the scenes, but it's the women tell all.

No, it's about The Bachelor. It's a drama. It's like a soap opera. Oh, unscripted. Yes, so good. I'm so dumb. I've seen every single episode. It's a drama. It's like a soap opera. Oh, unscripted. Yeah, so good. I'm so dumb. I've seen every single episode. I don't remember.

Oh, well, obviously it didn't really make an impact. Remember Chris Harrison called the show a piece of shit and nobody watches it? Chris Harrison. Like anybody listens to him. That's the whole point. I mean, it's amazing. It's just all these stupid people and then the producers manipulate and ruin everybody's lives. And so I love, you know, now I watch these differently because of that show.

And they really are like that. They're terrible. I mean, at least on Unscripted, they admit that, you know, they kind of killed someone. They didn't kill her, but they pushed someone into jumping, basically. And that's literally what happened on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And the guys are the same it was fascinating to see that mirror the uh and that's tame i gotta tell you they they did not show the production and and how they really are so to be fair you're i think they were

kind of making us feel bad for the production like oh, oh, poor Doug Ross and poor, you know, whoever, like they have to deal with so much drama from the housewives. When to be fair, you know, for a fact that they were like, you better get your, call your client right now and tell her to get her ass in that limousine. She is on under contract and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh yeah. They were chasing her down. Okay. So we're already at the end. So let's go back in time. Yes, let's do it. To the very beginning. So this started off with, of course, Andy.

He's like, in 2010, women had different faces. Women had some starter faces. And then they show 2010. Okay, the way you said it made it sound like in 1987, there were rock stars. I'm like, no, it was five years ago, okay? And these women have had so many different faces since then. They don't look the same at all, Katie. I think Kyle Richards looked better.

And so did Kim. Kim actually looked like Kim Richards back then. This is why plastic surgery, you should never do plastic surgery on your face. Oh, everybody looked better back then, right? That's what you're saying? Yes. They all did. Well, you do stuff, but not plastic surgery. What do you do? You do Botox and stuff? Is that too personal? No, it's not personal at all. I share everything because I think there's nothing wrong with that. So 10 years ago, I had my boobs done. It was the best decision I ever made in my

life. Everything fits me now because I have a big butt. And so I needed it to be evened out. And I did it for me. I did it for nobody else but myself. I always wanted bigger boobs. I'm so happy. I have the best boobs I've ever seen. And I love it. Now, will I do things to my face? Absolutely not. Because I have a pretty mom and I feel like I'm going to segue into that age appropriately. Now, can you prevent things from happening? Absolutely. A little bit of Juvederm. Once a year, you do Botox.

That is what I tell people my age. Once a year, you go get a little Botox in the forehead, maybe a little bit on your chin, and there you go. Don't get all fucking crazy where you look like, what's her name? Sheena? Adrian?

Yes. Adrian. Adrian Maloof. That is to me so frightening. She looks like a mannequin. Her face does not move. Yeah. In the first year, it was even crazier.

And it's so shiny. Like if you have good skin, that's one thing. But if you Botox it up where you have too much Botox, what it does is it inhibits everything from moving and you can't really sweat because the Botox, that's why people do it like in their feet, their palms or their hands. And then you get like sweaty butt crack, right? Oh my God. Sweat comes out of other places.

So like your lip will start to sweat then or it's just, it's unnatural and it's a little weird. I'm not against it because I do it, but I think there's a way of overdoing it where it looks absolutely unnatural and actually scary. It looks scary. Don't sweat Botox, Shay. Just get a little. Just get a little Botox. Just don't be a Botox addict. You know, do what you want to do. You want to do a little bit of Juvederm? Perfect. You want to do a little bit, but just everything in moderation. It's like eating.

Do I have my cake and eat it too? Absolutely. Every night it's called red wine in my gullet. But do I drink bottles of it? No. So I treat Botox like I treat wine. Just a little bit in moderation. Yes. It's reasonable moderation yes reasonable priced still delicious

and somewhat jiggly when it needs to be yes you've got to have expression otherwise people look at you like you're fucking crazy you gotta have a little bounce to the boobies you gotta have a little ring if i'm mad at somebody i don't want them to just hear a really loud gay voice come out of a box with a hole in it. I want them to see my anger. I've worked on my anger lines, all right? I've earned my anger and my laugh lines. Yes, you've earned it. I mean, have you ever seen Cinderella's Story with Hilary Duff?

No. And the mom is played by Jennifer. How gay am I? Jesus. Oh, my God. That's one of my favorite movies. And Hilary Duff is Cinderella, and her mom is played by Jennifer. What's her name?

Really funny from the whole group of Christopher guest and. Oh, um, Jennifer's mom. Yes. Yes. Jennifer Coolidge. Yes.

So she plays the mom and she's so Botox in the nines and she's mad at her daughters. And she's like, I'm so angry right now, but you can't tell. and she's mad at her daughters and she's like i'm so angry right now but you can't tell and she's like this is my angry face and you can't see i guess i have too much that's how i feel about adrian maloof and most of the housewives well they've gone crazy the craziest one is taylor i don't know what's going on with that, but she looks like she went into Paul and she's like, listen, Paul, as the godfather of my baby. Wait, I never said I was the godfather. Yes, you did at a party once.

So anyway, I would love for you to turn me into Juliette Lewis. I'm like, who is the model? What are you going for? I don't know, but she's very got a Courtney Love-esque tone to her. And so you got to be careful when you're like sucked in a little bit and pale that it doesn't come off as a little bit more skeleton looking than it does plump. Women look better with fat. They do.

I'm sorry to say this. I'm sorry for all the women that are trying to achieve this super, super skinny frame. The only reason I'm lighter is because I'm only 5'1". Also, Nutrisystem. You just said you're on 10 sports teams and you're on Nutrisystem. I know. What the hell, Katie? See, but I'm not striving to be skinny. I don't want to be skinny. I like having a fat, jiggly butt. Who orders Nutrisystem to the house just because it tastes good? Nobody. It's like fucking microwave food. You put water in. You're like, it's because it's delicious. Have you ever had a Nutrilata? It's like an enchilada. What are you talking about? I love Nutrisystem.

It's so good. The chicken bacon ranch pizza is fucking so good. And so is the vegetable lasagna. Yum. You're an addict, okay? You're a health, you're a diet food addict. You don't even know you're on a diet. And if I ever gave you a real fucking enchilada, you'd sit on the floor. You'd be like, your body wouldn't even know what it is. I love Nutrisystem. Listen, everyone who's out there that wants to lose weight, do the Nutrisystem with the Fast Five. I guarantee if you follow exactly what it says, you will lose five pounds in one week. I guarantee it. I mean, it worked for them.

That's how much I love Nutrisystem and I love those craving crusher Nutrisystem energy zing. You just missed a huge opportunity. You could have gotten some diet food from China and just put Cazorla on it. You could have gotten some diet food from China and just put cazorla on it. And just put a picture of your pretty little face and be like, hey, get cazorla'd. No, people would be like, what the hell is this shit? I think it for one thing. So good. Oh, Katie.

Okay, so I'm sick of thin shaming you. Okay, so in 2010, the women had new faces. I've gotten into one line of notes. Okay, now they've had seven each. Frasier left Camille and there was a huge train in a limo. Okay, everything on this show that's horrible and that ruins people's lives takes place in a limo. Everything. Because that's the thing. They're only allowed, they get cleared to film places,

but then when shit starts to erupt or their time expires, where were they there? Les Murtages, right? I don't know. I mean, it was the Ramada for all I know. I don't know. No, it was Les Murtages.

It was the one right there on Doheny and San Vicente because when they came out, they basically were like get the fuck out of here you cannot film in here you guys are causing a scene you're not cleared to film in the lobby because they have a lot of celebrities go there and that's where they did that party where kim well that shit happened and when she called her an alcoholic oh snap oh my god okay we have to wait because that's the end and that's when it gets really good. We've got three hours until we get to that point. Okay.

Great. Okay. So we're seeing what we're going to get. Basically, some of the stuff was just Adrian and Paul were miserable. Blah, blah, blah. Who cares? The fun stuff to me was Kim. Adrian was always mean to him.

That's why. Plain and simple. At the end of the day, I'm sorry. But it was not Paul at all. Paul just was like an abused little boy. I kind of felt like that, too but that was it was not paul at all paul just was like an abused little boy i kind of felt like that too it's like just stop being mean it's kind of like anyone who dates kristin where are you what are you doing why'd you do it like that because it made me feel bad when you did this and that it's like adrian but with more money and like a voice

like this paul why are you doing it like that who opens tuna like that oh geez do i need to get a tutor teach you how to open a tuna paul it's like geez everything he does the one line the one line he probably said all year that could have been somewhat condescending was well you don't even know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as she's trying to cut the crust off of a pre-made sandwich that her chef made. I mean, I knew their chef because I used to do all the parties up at her house because I was treated just like the hell. Oh, Bernie. So you literally had weekends at Bernie? Oh, my God, which is one of my favorite movies of all time. But, yeah.

By the way, there's going to be an 80s marathon on VH1. I cannot even tell you how excited I am. Starting tomorrow at 8 o'clock. Who cares? With Chef Bernie, you have to tell me. Was he always like, that bitch did not eat her quail. What a C word. And also her husband's cheating on her. Was he like gossiping about everybody?

No, but I think they had a falling out. I think they had a terrible falling out. Adrian and him? Yes. Oh, shit. Yes. Bernie, her chef, used to be there all the time. And then I don't know if he went with Paul.

Oh, because Bernie caused so much shit. I mean, Bernie was trash talking Lisa and fighting all of Adrian's wars back then. Do you remember? And he was like, Lisa's rude. And she criticized my food. There was like that big war with Vanderpump and Bernie. It was so good. Oh, my God. Okay, so wait. Yeah, that that's right it was actually uh whatchamacallit paul was suing chef bernie he was

the one that sued bernie yeah because bernie was saying all this stuff because remember they were trying to make it that paul was abusing adrian because that's what happens when you break up with your boyfriend on the housewife show it's like Jesus Christ I mean it's it's so many times that you have to be like wait a second I mean whenever anybody gets cancer or anything bad I never believe anybody and it's your fault Bravo yeah your fault it becomes like weird it was like during their whole like custody battle thing and they were arguing about like where he should go to school and blah blah blah blah blah and that he had like learning disabilities and it was like, blah, blah, blah. And that he had, like, learning disabilities. And it was, like, this crazy thing.

And then she brought in Chef Bernie to, like, basically, like, leak photos of a bruise or something she had on her wrist. And they said it was from Paul. But then, I don't know. Yeah, they were trying to make it into a big thing that Paul's an abuser. I don't even know what happened with that. But I can't believe they didn't show chef bernie but if you're saying that he broke up with adrian then that makes sense because she's so much nicer like she's nicer to lisa and stuff because she doesn't have a gun anymore you know i guess she put away her chef gun or whatever

but adrian's thing in this was so funny because adrian is such an a-hole she turned out to be such an a-hole but in the first season she didn't really do much except be mean to paul she was like well i have a hotel and look it's a basketball court and look it's my private plane but she wouldn't get personal or talk about anything personal and true to forum even in this one she goes well i remember that there was a time when we had a dinner and something was happening between paul and i and it was way deeper than anybody saw on camera and there you go dun dun dun she's like yeah so that's what it was it's like you never even said what it was hell what's uncensored you're still censored. I know. That's such bullshit. And then she didn't go, remember, to the reunion.

The last one, didn't she? Did she skip? Yeah, remember, she skipped it. Oh, my God. You see, I do forgive everything. I forgive. I forget everything. Bravo forgives everything.

By the way, I just have a Bravo exclusive. Did you know that Mike and Jessica from Shaws of Sunset call it quits? They're getting divorced. A Bravo exclusive? Girl, that was on TMZ like two days ago. Oh, I don't watch that. You need to call your post office and see when your emails are coming. Oh, shit.

Well, I got that thing on Roll.me, which is the best app that ever happened in my life. And what it does is it automatically you swipe left to unsubscribe from all your emails. You swipe right to keep and you swipe up for roll up. And it takes all your junk mail or all the mail that you do want to keep and it puts it in a once a day newsletter. for email. That's so nice because people are so addicted to just swiping to get validation. Now we can just do it on every single app. Right good, left bad. Poor left-handed people must just feel like shit at all times. You mean Obama and my brother? Yes. They're like, no one ever considers us good. Swipe left. Thanks a lot. Oh, yeah. Everything that you swipe left is always like shit. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Ugly. Ugly. Oh, who would have sex with him? Yeah, everything that you swipe left is always like, shit. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe. Ugly. Ugly.

Ew, who would have sex with him? Yeah, I totally got it. Okay, so we got Adrienne out of the way. I don't need to talk about her much. She's boring. Yeah. So Kyle starts this as the star, as the one who did kind of get everybody together. Yeah.

It opens with Kyle. Well, first it opens with Kim. This show's so mean, okay? It opens with Kim at a party grabbing somebody's neck and going, making that noise and shaking the neck. I was like, that's the first shot of Kim is going, this is not nice. You should do voiceover work for Bravo in case they didn't get the audio.

They could just call you in. It sounds nothing like the real audio. Only when Kim's really drunk. They're like, we didn't get audio when she was slamming that elevator door. Can we get him in here? And I'll be like. Oh, my God. Like screaming underwater.

I bet her breath just totally reeks. She just looks like the type of person who would have like just shitty, like old. That's why I called her cigarette butt. She could put a piece of gum in and you'd be like, hey, where did you get cigarette flavored gum? Cigarette and like just old, like crusty dog poop that sticks to artificial grass that doesn't smell until you try to pull it up. That's not my breath. I just got a little of that in my hair.

Stop it, Kyle. You're lying. Like college boy beer breath where you're like, oh my God, unbrushed teeth with like beer. That's what her breath smells like. I'm feeling defensive even though I love to make fun of Kim. Like it's even when she's going through her darkest hour, I still enjoy a good, a real O.S. of us called me, but I didn't open the letter.

You know, like, I love some Kim talk, but this episode actually made me feel so bad by Kim. I fell for it. Did you really? I totally fell for it because, okay, let me tell you what. It starts with Kyle. Kyle, I remember. You could never produce reality TV then. It shows.

No, I couldn't. It shows Kim going, cut to Kyle. I just remember it got to the, what was it? I remember going to the family and getting called that Kim seemed off or something like that. I just remember getting the call that Kim seemed off. And then I was like, oh, no. And she talks about it was the pressure of keeping the alcohol under wraps. And I just snapped.

I just lost it. And you know what? After they showed this whole episode, no, you didn't just snap. You knew she was drunk. They showed the audition videos where Kim is like, Kyle always thinks I'm drunk. She married a Mexican. And so she's like talking Mexican to him. And then if I talk Mexican, she goes, oh, she's drunk.

Listen to her Mexican. Oh, my God. When she said that, I wanted to cry. She's like, well, speak Mexican. I try to speak Mexicanican they say i'm drunk i'm like asking for tequila you know she probably was like i speak mexican i just spoke mexican i was like she's drunk she's asking for tequila again but uh they showed her saying that at the beginning that she's obviously got this issue k Kyle always thinks she's drunk. She's always,

uh, she took care of, she took over her finances. This was also in the audition when she's like, Oh yeah, Kyle takes care of me. She took over my finances. Okay.

But don't you think that that's totally weird that like nobody, okay. I didn't know about that, but now shit totally makes sense. Like totally makes sense. Like, totally makes sense. Well, we found all this information out over the years because, you know, you stole my house. Like, we finally found out what that meant because Kyle had to explain it on TV the next season. And then Kim's alcohol.

All that stuff has eventually come out. But I've always thought, you know, she was trying to help her sister out by getting her some money because she was sick of supporting her. And then Kim just like went off the rails and all this blew up. But now it seems more like Kyle knew her ass was drunk. I think she still got her a job to because, A, she was more famous than her. She was like a legit X movies child star or whatever. And also because Kyle was probably sick of giving her money. Cause she even said in this episode,

we're cutting you off. That's it. We told you if you ever drink again, we're not giving you anything. And all the help we've been giving you is done and it's done. I'm out of here. And leaves. But you know,

when Kim was going through her drunken ragey thing, Kyle kept chasing her and she would like make the camera cruise. When she knows Kim is wasted at the finale why i know it's almost like she wanted that i think kyle so mean to happen not only wanted it but made it happen like she was trying to get away from her and they wouldn't let kim leave kim ran out of that fucking part she started started sobbing when Kyle did that on camera because she's like, Kyle just is totally out of me right now on TV and throwing me under the bus or whatever. And ran out crying.

And then Kyle's like chasing her and the camera crew's chasing her. And she tries to go to the lobby and they chase her. She tries to go to the fucking bathroom and they won't let this bitch leave. I know. It's terrible. That was actually terrible. And it's like that was a real struggle and i just i feel like i can't imagine my sister doing something like that to me and especially on fucking national television like you gotta you gotta be like kind of a sociopath to let shit like that happen.

It's just, that's just so terrible. And I know they've got a super dark past with their childhood and their upbringing and everything's gone on. And like they've both gone through, well, Kim mostly, but Kyle was there too. It's not like she didn't have to go through anything, you know? And it's just so dark. Like it's so hard to even understand all the levels and i i go back and forth because usually i think kyle's just an asshole but i loved her so much in season one because i saw her as a camille's an asshole and anybody who tries to get that dramatic and make

these stupid fights about nothing oh my god what about that nut job psychic uh oh god that's like a whole that's a whole fucking segment i love it that was just that shit was unbelievably crazy like i was like what the fuck is going on and even that was the producers because they said that they asked her to come on and she's like no i don't think that's for me i'm not really uh in front of the camera type of person like i have no desire to do that and then they're talking about the whole dinner party from hell scene and how it was so boring and all the women like you know you have to drive to mallaby that's not an easy drive uh no you know beverly that's a good that's that's 45 minutes to an hour yeah depending on traffic and they were probably going in the afternoon to shoot, you know, because they got there in the daytime. I remember that.

I mean, what is this, like, stupid detective work? Justice Google. So. Justice Google. Megan, justice. So, damn it, damn it, Ronnie. Damn it. Stay with it.

Stay with me, Ronnie. You're right there. I'm staring at a feather now that's dangling from my fan. And I'm like, why is it doing that? What was I saying? You're saying, Oh my God,

you just looked at a feather dangling from your fan and you lost track about, it's not an easy thing that she has to ride back in that limo. She knows she's going to have, Oh yeah. It was a far way away. Yeah. It was like a setup. Yeah.

Well, they all get wasted. Because they get there. They set up. They're doing it. It's boring. And the producers say, okay, I guess we should wrap up. It's over. And then that one producer.

I think there were two that I really loved. I love the women producers. Because one of them was the camera, like the chief of the camera crew. And one of them just looked like she was chief of the camera crew and one of them just looked like she was always so sorry she was like i'm sorry she always had that look on her face at least that producer which is like horseshit because i i can't stand that when you know that they're just being screamed at by the main production and it's like tough shit nobody cares blah blah blah blah yeah she's like i wanted to

hug her but we couldn't because we were just there to document it's like no you weren't there to document you were literally pushing her in a little tiny cage i know it's confronted by kyle who was on every walkie-talkie in the hotel like where is she where is she where is she and then she gets in a limo and she's like what's's going on? Like all calm, gaslighting her. So mean. Okay, anyway. That is horseshit. Totally.

And we'll get to that right after this. Just kidding. That's how Bravo does it. Coming up. I love that. But for now. So anyway, the thing from hell. So they get wasted.

And the one who's always sorry is like, and then the giant martini started affecting her. And you do remember how big those martinis were. They were cartoon martinis. Okay, those looked so fake. They were giant. They were bigger than people's heads. They were bigger than Kyle's head. And so you see that lady with her e-cigarette, you know, drinking her drink.

And I'll always love her because I loved medium. So I see her as Patricia Arquette saving people, you know patricia arquette won uh an emmy for that so good love that show seen every episode except the molly ringwald episode one day molly one day well you can watch her all day on thanksgiving on vh1 so know that i know how your husband's gonna die and what's gonna happen to all your children. Oh, my God. How fucked up is that? That was so, okay.

And Camille just sat there. She didn't even defend her friend. Camille's like, everyone thought she was my wingman and she's not my wingman. I wasn't trying to fuck anybody there. I mean, she was my wingman if you mean, yeah, she was going to yell at anybody if they were mean to me. See, I'm like, oh, my God. like oh my god i might be that woman then that's who my character is gonna be then i'm gonna be that woman who just tells people that their families and children are gonna die i mean what the hell who even invites someone like that to a party oh camille yeah camille's

like they're mean well camille was always surrounded by people who told her how awesome she was because she's richer than God, you know, because she had Frasier money. So her friends are all employees and she's told she's amazing. Like, Camille was actually shocked that she's an asshole. Like, when she found out that she's an asshole, she couldn't believe it. I mean, she's still shocked five years later she's and he was like i pulled her aside in an office party and i said camille amazing season for us terrible season for you hun so you know i'd suggest maybe just being patient because in the end it all works out i'm writing your life and in the end we'll let it work out for you.

But for now you're a bitch. Oh my God. That was unbelievable. And she didn't, she ended up not doing the second season, right? She did. Yes.

I think Andy was like, look, I owe you big. Come back for season two. Don't ever say a thing and just look pretty. And she's like, okay, I'll do it.

And then everybody in season two was like, she's amazing because she would just basically show up and be like hi i'm here to support you in your venture oh my god that's that was bullshit that's why she got fired on it do you know that well she's making it sound like i mean i love that they make her sound like you know kate upton like we can't believe we got the wife of a sitcom star from the 90s it's like wow huge get guys i know that's not a huge get lisa rena has more credibility than stupid um camille grammar she's also protected in case she shits her pants oh yeah that's right because it depends oh camille good old ibs. I'll never get sick of them, darling.

Wait, so what was the big secret? Do we even know? What was the thing Harry Hamlin did? Oh, are you reading Bravo? Don't go to that website. They're the worst. I'm not reading it. I'm not reading anything, and that's why I'm asking you.

I read that headline on Bravo, and I'm dumb. I clicked it, and it was like, Lisa's secret of what Harry Hamlin did. dumb i clicked it and it was like lisa's secret of what harry hamlin did he did something that won me the award for most juicy storyline of 2015 thanks honey or something i don't know what i don't know it was like basically a a tweet of lisa rena's thanking her husband because she won a juicy storyline award or something from bravo office pool. I don't know. Don't go to that site. It'll hurt your face.

That's such horseshit. Clickbait, darling. You fell for it. Oh, I didn't click it. That's why I asked you. No, I fell for it. That's why I'm so angry about it. Yeah, well, because then you're the dumb, dumb McGee.

You're the Megan of the group. That's right. I'm projecting. How dare you call me stupid? I'm not stupid. Yes, I'm thin. Yes, I'm gorgeous. Yes, I talk weird. But I'm all about justice.

Wait, you think she's gorgeous? She's a model. Wasn't she a model or something? Wasn't she like a model pharmaceutical rep? Only on Real Housewives. I think she was just a pharmaceutical rep. I don't know what I'm... Anybody who's thin I think is hot.

I mean... That's a made up thing that they do like on The Bachelorette where they're like retail sales, hospitality management. It's like you're a waitress trying to be an actress in Hollywood, but they can't say you're an actress. Like you sold... You delivered weed out the backseat of some guy's car that you were dating. That is not a pharmaceutical rep.

That's a weed dealer, Megan. Justice. We're called Justice Smokes. You know why she has such a deep voice? Because she has an Adam's apple and a really long neck. So that's why she's always like, what? What are you guys? I could be a mom.

That's why. Just letting you know. could be a mom that's why just letting you know i couldn't pregnant myself okay just letting you know i'm gonna call my weed store hashtag hash oh my god it's such a good name hashtag hash what a good idea oh okay do it steal it all right producer uh blah blah blah, blah. Okay, so then we get a lot more from the producers about how sad they are. It's like, we wanted to do another Real Housewives, and we thought maybe Beverly Hills, but how different could it possibly be? It was so difficult finding these women. Well, it was not.

You called Kyle, and she called people. these women well it was not you called kyle and she called people and kyle's like i remember going to a party and i walked in and there's camille grammar on a pole and i thought she'd be good it's like oh shit kyle discovered camille literally dangling from a pole at a party and was like i'm gonna yell at her on tv booker oh my god isn't that crazy that's crazy right i think camille grammar is one of those people people that is in those secret sex clubs around L.A. That aren't secret, but you just have to have a certain amount of wealth to know about it. Only rich people know. Oh, I know about it, but I'm not part of it.

A friend of mine is. She goes to them. Oh, you see? I tricked you into it. Now I know real things. What's her name? I know her. Is her name Julia?

No. Roberts? I can't say. Is her name Sandra Bullock? No, but she's part of these secret sex clubs. And what they do is they meet at either clubs or people's homes. And each room, you can walk into the room and a you can tell, a girl can tell a guy no. Like no, you know, or I'm not interested.

But guys, but the man can't say no to the girl. Oh, okay. Isn't that weird? So it's like you could technically get raped if you went. But I can't. Well, what kind of fetish is that? Like what's that called? There's so many different fetishes.

I can't even keep up anymore. I don't know. But here's the other thing. So you can email back and forth with the people there and find out who's going. And it shows what they're into. So like food, like eating food off of you, two guys on one girl. It's like fantasies. What's your fantasies?

And they'll set up different rooms to to bring the people that are all having the same fantasy together oh well that's nice it's like fantasy matching what are your dreams but get this so the girls only have to pay 99 for the whole year to belong but the guys have to pay like like 10 grand or something oh yeah girls don't need to pay for that it's like ash Ashley Madison. When they, when anonymous did their leak, it was, I think there were 10 women on the whole side.

It was just dudes. Cause dudes are willing to pay for that. But why a woman doesn't need to pay for a dick. Get out of here. Oh my God. What's her name? Husband was on there. Josh. I'm real housewives of New York.

Yes. Kristen's husband. Oh my God. I know. Dick is free. Y'all dick is free okay so um secret sex club yes i was gonna go into something else and i won't well we were talking about camille and how she probably belongs to one of them well that was gonna lead me into a vanderpump rules thing but i'm gonna give it up to save it okay so andy all about lisa so lisa's stuff was so funny to me lisa came on the show

because who knew her i forget kyle adrian someone knew her oh um um i believe it was adrian maloof because it was her next door neighbor oh yeah okay older and she also brought on who else did she bring on but kyle she also brought on taylor which is weird. Huh? Kyle's the one who got Adrian Maloof. And Adrian then said to her neighbor, Lisa, hey, you should try out for the show. Oh, okay. So she got Lisa and Taylor. Okay. So they get Lisa.

And of course, she's Lisa. And even back then, even more ridiculous. Because now she's so gracefully ridiculous. Yeah. And at this time time she was like i want my name to be pinky i know pinky vanderpump and they're like uh it sounds like a porn star name and remember she's like what's wrong with that what's wrong with the porn star they have jobs i'm all about industry darling pinky vanderpump how did you feel when um when they said when she's like i've only

had sex you know with my husband blah blah and she goes maybe oh because she starts that that's lisa's thing when she's like i'm making a sex joke oh i haven't had sex with my oh i've had sex with them right all right not in 20 years all right now remember I had sex with other people's sex vagina. Vagina's still working, darling. Yeah, I think that that vagina is not still working, number one. I think she's wrapped in eternal spanks. And to be fair, I think that she probably plowed the best friend of Ken. Who's the best friend of Ken? The other dude that's always there.

Fartin' Martin? Martin, yes. Oh, Fartin' Martin. She did not plow Martin. I bet she did. I bet she fucked around with him when she was drunk. Oh, she'd have to be really drunk, because if she was drunk,

then that must mean he was falling on the floor, because Martin drank. Martin drank. That night would have been like get off me i don't know what you're saying that's romantic all right get on all right get off now done with you clear him clear martin darling we've martin hooked up with kim richards right uh they tried they tried to hook him up with her yeah lisa's like i know someone who drinks too much darling and he's also very lonely i'll bring

him to dinner that's so nice hook up with brandy too uh i don't think they hooked up i think he sat next to her one night martin seems so nice he's like that that guy who's like always around but he never really has much to say that friend of a friend or whatever he seems very nice but you know if you leave your drink on the table he's gonna drink it while you're peeing oh he will fucking take a not even a sip he'll he'll make it known like i had a sip oh martin so how did we get on martin lisa oh you want to talk about crazy sex parties they're all connected through muhammad right yeah muhammad hadid who said brandy has a smelly pussy no joanna cruz right and brandy repeated it

oh my god okay listen i'm sorry but i totally believe that i believe that joanna at some point or another hooked up with um with muhammad because she's only with rich dudes she's eastern european she's like a mail order bride so but she has a new show i know that yeah the rumor was always that she that was the rumors that bride so but she has a new show i know that yeah the rumor was always that she that was the rumors that they were saying she was a call girl or something wasn't it or a stripper and asked she was an escort like a high-end escort yeah so i went to places with people so i guess that makes me an escort because sometimes i'll leave my house and i'll say do you want to come with me and then other people come with me so okay they escorted me

so they're an escort too. Okay. So we're all escorts. Is it against the law? I know. Wow. Way to twist that, you magic word master. My friends came with me on his private jet. And it's like, yeah, but you were paid. You were paid to go.

I've never been paid to go anywhere. If anything, I have to pay for it. Lala, don't be mean to Lala, darling. Maybe I should be an escort. It's a part-time job. Still, Joanna Krupa's smelly, possible, alleged vajayjay aside, what else did we do here? Camera operator drama? Yeah, the camera operator drama was so good. I think the stuff with Taylor and that was just kind of, they kind of skimmed over it.

Like, I don't think they showed enough of it. With Taylor and who? With just Taylor in general. I thought it was going to be like behind the scenes, you know, of, you know, what happened. And they didn't show anything. They just basically made it about Kim and Kyle. It is interesting to me that

I mean, I didn't think Taylor was that fascinating until, of course, all the drama happened, which I still don't know how much she can talk about because there were like actual lawsuits and stuff against them. So they were accused of a lot of stuff that I don't, I think once you open that, it gets deeper.

So maybe that's why. But I also find it curious that Taylor's an obvious lush. I mean she's been so drunk on this show that she's falling down multiple times. And when they show her on TMZ, she's been on TMZ a couple of times where she's falling down and just making an ass out of herself. And there are stories of her just acting like a drunk ass in public and crying and screaming. At the W, she was drinking Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio, one or the other. White wine at night. And she was drinking.

Is that bad to drink white wine at night? Well, it's like a daytime brunch or with cheese or whatever. Red wine is more of a hearty nighttime. Oh, my God. I come from trash. I cannot wait to record this and send it home and ruin everyone's Thanksgiving. Well, you're not, I mean, white wine at night? Like give me a break.

It's like a warm weather poolside type cocktail. Or when you're watching the horses, you have like champagne or white wine. You don't drink red wine just blatantly during the day. That's what white wine is for. Know your wines. I mean, God, if you're going to be a Housewives fan, you got to know when to drink your white wine. You don't even have to know any real wine knowledge.

Like you don't have to have any real wine knowledge. You just have to know what color to drink at what time. It's 5 p.m. Get out the pink or look poor. Yeah. It's always someone's sangria or their fabellini or all this like bullshit sugary garbage crap that they put in. And it doesn't even make it to like Big Lots before it gets pulled from the shelves. Big Lots is like, sorry, we have some magnets that stick on the side of the bathtub for people to hold washcloths.

And they're taking up too much space. Sorry, we can't give you an end cap space for this because we have the scrub daddy coming in from Shark Tank. The scrub daddy. I mean, seriously, it's like anything that the housewives sell is crazy. You know, eVine used to be Shop NBC and I did my launch on there and we did you know fairly okay i'll tell you this the audience that watches evine or shop mbc or shop hq whatever the hell their name is now they are people that love ceramic cats so that's not really the target audience for like glamorous nail products or

did you watch heather dubrow and and Terry's launch for Consult Beauty? I only watched the edited show version. I didn't watch the whole actual thing. Did you? Oh my God. Heather Dubrow. I mean, it is so, it's difficult to watch her because it's so rehearsed and it's so forced down your throat that you're like, you get plastic surgery. You're a terrible candidate to try to sell me products that you are trying to convince us that you don like, you get plastic surgery. You're a terrible candidate to try to sell me products that you are trying to convince us that you don't need surgery. It gives you the same results.

Why don't you pick fucking Sally from East Bumblefuck, Indiana, who has a collection of ceramic caps, bring her on, have her use the product, and let's see her before and afters, and then, and only then will I be like, that shit is unbelievable. Well, no one would buy that.

Well, I mean, if it worked, but I don't think it works because she's like, this is my wheelhouse, you know? Going on TV, talking to people, looking straight in the eye through the camera because it's my art. It's my craft. I was telling Terry how to get in the zone, how to find

his inner moment. Terry, just be within yourself and feel other emotions exuding out of you through other people filtered through it i'm like please shut up you were on like two sitcoms she has the voice of you're right that voice that you just did reminds me of like um 80s cartoon villains from like voltron or um Thundercats like she's like what was that she's Mumra and she opens her eyes really big when she talks and she says everything like you're really stupid and can't understand her but I mean did she did she even go to college I mean not like you have to go to college to be smart but like does she have higher education besides acting

classes that would give her that authoritative like i'm better than i've spent time on the chairs because i know art and what i study is people i go out and i look inside people i'm always watching because people are doing things and being things and i think what would it be like to only make twenty thousand dollars a year you know what i? Let it marinate within you. Shut up over there, Heather. When she finally takes over after talking like she's been on the Actors Studio for the past 20 years,

every guest has been Heather. Then she goes on this thing and she's like, Look at our product! It is in a bottle that you press down the top and stuff comes out of it. Take it away, Terry. Oh, God.

To me, it was brutal. I mean, most of the people, I was on that show when Gretchen Christine tried to do her Gretchen Christine handbags. And I think she literally sold like three. So it's just enough. Here's the thing. Enough hawking your just junky shit. You know what? If Bravo was smart, they would do a Bravo show called Buying Housewives. And it would be a show where it's like everyone who has shit that they do. Oh, my God.

Listen to this. I'm only stopping you because we just talked about this in the episode that's airing after this. I talk about it with Angie because we go through all all of their uh well not all of their products but we talk about their products and go through their instagrams and we spend a good half an hour on gretchen's instagram selling stuff because she goes she'll be like all you need this morning is a smile to the sky and remember that happiness is in your soul with nail polish. I'm like, oh, jeez. Everything's like a meme that leads into a nail polish thing.

So I'm only stopping for that because I was saying in that they need to have like a home shopping network that's just housewives. Like the As Seen on TV aisle in the Bride Aid, you know? Just all housewives crap. That's what I'm saying. That's like Shark Tank. But Katie, you know what? You're going to be gonna be that now i mean your stuff isn't crap you actually like go formulate all of your products and stuff like that but i've done that you're gonna be hawking your products girl i mean your first episode is gonna be like wow this you know i'm actually trying to avoid doing that with i don't want the nail stuff to be so involved in this show

i mean granted the painted nails next door to high society but I would rather um I would rather be more about the opening of the restaurant you know what's going on in the w all of that in my multiple seasons you know I'm not saying it's a bad thing I'm just saying like you know what you hate so just don't bash it over the head like these dumb-dumbs do it. Oh, my God. Okay, it would be like me. Okay, here's why I think it's bullshit. If I came out with a cookbook, then there'd be a real issue. Because, number one, all I can do is microwave Nutrisystem.

So I feel like that would be something that rings to me what the housewives do. They come out with a makeup liner. Yes, yes, yes, yes. None of these bitches have any background in that. They never, I went to fucking nail school. Like I go to the lab and formulate my products. It takes me months and years and research and trade shows and running storefronts. I don't just get on a show and go, I want to have a kickback in my own sangria line.

Like it's fucking crazy. Well, Lisa does probably drink all that shit. I mean, I think that it's valid with her at least because she does know what she's doing because she drinks. Also, she has bars. And Bethany really likes diet things. I mean, bitch is skinny.

So I'll listen to her too because she's like, I'll make everything but skinnier. And I'm like, I believe you. I believe that you'll do that for me. By the way, I bought her peanut butter chocolate bars when I was at Marshall's because I was starving looking through the sale rack. And I had one of her peanut butter

bars. It was pretty good. But I will say this. I don't know. I don't know if I trust Bethany because she really is like crazy skinny. And I don't believe she eats her own food. I think she has like those fresh life delivery things. I swear to God. I know there's something too weird and hawky about her shit where it's hard for me to believe it. Yeah. We were going over her Thanksgiving pictures because Angie didn't like the fact that she posts food. She's like, she doesn't eat. And there's never anything gone from the plate. It's always a full plate of food.

Like there's no way she eats. She's so, I mean, she really is. And on TV when she's in a bikini she looks so skinny. So that means in real life she probably looks about 10 to 15 pounds less than what she does on television. Oh yeah. There's a

picture of her on Instagram holding two skinny girl bottles and they're bigger than her. I mean holding two of them. She looks you know they're dwarfing her. It looks like Alice in Wonderland or like when Lily Tomlin was in The Incredible Shrinking Woman. And they were like, just make big furniture. Oh, my God. Lily Tomlin, you know she's my neighbor.

Why are you even here? Why are you not next door saying, hi, Lily Tomlin? Could you do lines from Big Business? I love her. She's my neighbor. She lives in a house that looks like a castle. I'm obsessed. Well, come over. You can walk. You can pretend to walk my dogs.

I'm just going to go scare every single neighbor you have. You can just point out everybody famous, and I'll be like, hey, do you guys want to watch Lily Tomlin do lines from Big Business? I'll be Bette Midler. Let's go over and knock on her door. It'll be like Christmas caroling, but terrible. like Christmas caroling, but terrible. I think, oh my God. Well, trick-or-treating, you could have done it, because our whole place, our whole neighborhood opens up to that, and there's Joe Walsh from the Eagles is our neighbor. But you have to do it at Christmas, because that's when people have to sit there and watch you knock

on their door like, I don't really believe that much in Christmas, but I do like Lily Tomlin, so watch her do some lines. Isn't that great? That wouldn't be totally creepy at all, because imagine if I showed up, and I was like, I totally love the Incredible Shrinking Woman. Just one line. She'd be like, security. She'd be like, Roz.

Wasn't Roz in both 9 to 5 and the Incredible Shrinking Woman? Or am I getting my villains confused? No, you're right. And then same with what was the other one she was in? Fuck, what's the other one? Oh, Roz was a good evil woman, man. No, the new show she's on. Oh, Lily Tomlin?

Yeah. Yeah, that Netflix thing with Jane Fonda? Yeah. People seem to like that. I don't know about that. Okay, anyway, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, goddammit. What are we, 55 minutes? Oh my god.

Okay, so Camille, maybe I was paranoid. Okay, so Camille's transition in this show is very funny because, and you know, everybody basically told her in the first seat, she was the most hated housewife ever. And, um, so everybody was like shaming her cause she was an asshole.

Oh my God. They showed her sitting in the hot tub with her poor friend, employee, Didi. Oh yeah. Didi. I have a Jesus complex. And like, She's like, I have a Jesus complex. I'm like, you know, like, I have a God complex.

What'd she say? God has really blessed me. And she's sitting there in a bikini with E-size boobs floating in her face. Yeah. And Dee Dee just looks down at her own boobs. And it was caught in this beautiful shot. It's like Camille in a hot tub with $5,000 sunglasses on and these giant paid Ford boobs. God really loves me.

You know, he's given me so much. And then Dee Dee looks down at her own chest like, I wish God would give me something. Editors, I love you. I've always loved you. You know what? That was some stellar editing. And you know what? She fucking deserved that. She deserved that. She came off as like, I'm better

than everybody else. I have better than everybody else i have more than everybody else i have no cottage cheese she would purposely pinch her butt cheeks together on purpose her her opening scene of beverly hills which i wish they had shown the opening the original opening but the original though i think her first scene was her in uh her dance studio practicing her dance because I'm a dancer. So she's like doing her kind of stripper dancing in this empty, you know, her home studio. And then it cuts to her being like, I'm a man's kind of a girl. I'm not really a girl's girl.

And whenever a girl says that, I'm like, uh-oh. Oh, God. You know it's just going to be trouble. Other girls hate me because I'm so hot it's like that kind of girl i mean camille really was unbearable in that first season and she was kind of having an affair with her tennis coach like there was something weird there there was all this weird stuff so her whole kelsey how they put it that kelsey got her the job so that he could leave her because he was already having an affair. That was a little weird and it was totally bullshit and made up and you know it.

I had heard that before, but I didn't know that that was coming from her. Because I remember that being in the news. Like he did that just to give her something to do while he was off screwing around. But didn't he meet her and then move right in with her? I thought he met her on the plane while he was flying to and from New York rehearsing for the show. Oh, God. I don't even. They didn't say, but he's married to her and has a daughter with her now, right?

I don't. Yeah, I think so. I don't keep up with Frasier. I mean, Jesus Christ christ my life's not that sad what if i had a google news alert for kelsey grammar does anyone he could be playing a thug in the 70s and he'd be like hello sir i'm here to knock your skull inwards he's got like old english yeah and he's he's not. Isn't he from Dayton, Ohio or something originally? Right?

He's from Dayton, Ohio or something. That's amazing. I didn't know that. And I love it. She still lives in that house. She got the house in the divorce. Oh, hell yeah. And you know she got some property tax money too.

They probably have a whole settlement just to pay the property taxes on that fucker could you imagine owning a mountain in malibu what the hell man a mountain in malibu not to mention that she also has the she got the hawaii house yes wait oh yeah she got the hawaii house but then they had to mourn the colorado house i love this show i love beverly hills i've always loved it make me feel bad why because you love the show don't you love it i mean marginally here's the thing i just wish they would put someone younger on there i think that's what they were trying to do oh no fuck those bitches i like i like like uh angie says right after us i I don't like the kids. I like their mama. That's how I feel sometimes.

Oh, yeah, that's totally true. Are you kidding me? I mean, look at Van, what's his name? Pump Kid. I like both of them because you're not, it's funny how people don't really change.

I mean, they're different ages and their vernacular is different, but otherwise, they're still doing all the same shit. It's like, why are you cheating on me? It's like the same storylines on all the shows no matter how old they are, you know? Yeah.

No, I think that's really, like, for me, I get it. I totally, totally get it. I just love that it's so, like, rich people. Their homes were legit so big. These people were all legit so rich that they were shocked that they were even fighting with each other. Like they were really shocked. Camille had no idea. When everybody told her she was an asshole, she was like, well, it was really hard.

I didn't – I'm being persecuted like Jesus or whatever, whatever she was saying. Oh, my God. I know. When I heard that, I was like, I'm gross. I'm like literally to the point where I'm like, this is ridiculous.'t know that she's a complete asshole that's the whole point I don't think any of these women really do no I think you have to have a certain level of narcissism to just do it and be that raw emotionally you know I guess they get Twitter I would think hardens you up because people really tell them off on Twitter they They're like, you're an idiot.

You're a slag. You're a terrible mother. And I think eventually they're just like, bye, haters. You know, you get that attitude of like, meh. Some love you. Some hate you. As long as they're buying my nail polish, who cares? Oh, my God.

They don't. They don't. That's the whole point. It's in Los Angeles, especially. I mean, I don't know how real housewives of the batomic is gonna do but i have a feeling i think right you're gonna watch that um of course i'm on a bravo podcast oh yeah that's right the housewives are a must like we'll skip other shows but we do all the housewives for sure um also yeah it is that it's kind of la and just the entertainment

industry because when i was growing up it was like real estate and I mean I guess there was like some bank guys or whatever and it was the same thing it was everybody hawking their shit my mom had a company with her friends where they sold vases and they were like oh we're working so hard getting these vases shipped to us you know my mom would have been one of those housewives like Like, I'm working really hard with my vase company. And you're like, oh, geez. So they do it in other places. It's just different products. Oh, yeah, you're right.

You're right. So funny. Oh, my God, you're so smart. Oh, my God, totally, aren't I? Let's talk more about the Real Housewives. I'm just kidding. So what else happened on here? The biggest thing to me was the drunken revelations were not a revelation.

But the fact that Kyle basically kicked her in the head numerous times on TV. Let's just jump to the limo. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about? No, because I really honestly feel like I was watching it to see things that I thought were going to be amazing. And I was a little bored. And then when it got to the end, I was like, oh, shit. It made me love the ones I love more and hate the ones I hate more. Like, Kyle has been hateable to me for most of the time.

And most of it was about the Kim addiction. Which, look, Kim's a grown-ass woman. Like, you don't get to blame other people for your problems when you're a grown-ass woman. She's an addict and she needs to own that on her own time. But there's a lot of dynamics in family with addicts and et cetera. And Kyle using it like that and then embarrassing her on tv on purpose really killed me i just yeah i thought that was like crazy and then when andy's like oh well that set the tone for the rest of the show

andy was so gleeful oh he was like cheering he was doing naked fucking cartwheels in his living room letting his this basset hound lick his balls at least rupel pretended to be sad he's like yes we chased yes we followed kim but it was only because we wanted to tell her that we respect her privacy and we wanted to hug her through this very difficult time meanwhile he's like motioning 20 people to get in kim's face while she's drunk in a in a limo where she's trapped after running. Oh, my God. I know. And literally she would not come out of the closet.

That was like the funniest part. That's so mean. But, I mean, at the end of the day, look, I'm sorry. You put yourself on a show like that when shit's going to happen, that's what happens. And, you know, her sister shouldn't have been an asshole and called her out, plain and simple. Well, the whole thing, well, it didn't start with this, but in Kyle's story, the whole thing started because she was having those issues with Camille, which all happened off camera, because Taylor told her bullshit in the bathroom and got Camille all riled up to go attack Kyle, which is pretty interesting that that's never talked about like taylor went out of her way to get camille alone lock the bathroom door and tell her shit thinking it's off camera that she's gonna go yell at kyle about and then acting like what i didn't even know what was going on and then kyle

says kim was there she heard everything and kim's like i i'm nervous you're making me no because she thought kim was gonna stand up for her and kim was so fucking drunk that she's like i don't remember what we're talking about yeah what limo where's emilio who is driving not charlie i hope he's on the 10 oh my god wait can you please call kim in to do the podcast Oh my God. Wait, can you please call Kim in to do the podcast? Seriously, can you call her in? Because she would be so fun. She would never stay on target. She would get lost all the time.

You guys would end up talking about if life could exist on Mars. Well, I don't know if anybody could live on a chocolate bar, but I'm willing to give it a try looking for a new place. She's like, can you smoke cigarettes in space? Where does the smoke go? Does it blow up or does it go back to my lungs? Well, it'll float faster. Smoke or me?

Kyle, I thought we were friends. Kyle, I mean, Ken passes by. Room being Mars, Ken. Come home when you're done roomomba-ing Mars, darling. Oh, my gosh. They should give him one of those things that all those little hip kids are riding around on. Those little.

The hoverboards? Yeah, those hoverboard things. Ken should have one of those. I love that we're just sick of waiting for the future in this country. We're like, no one's going to ever make a hoverboard. Just make a little electric skateboard thing and call it a hoverboard. The future is now. It's like, no. No, no no it's not no but he should have one of those you have you have to have so much balance but he has a fake hip it's like a robo hip he'll be totally fine no he needs a segue kind where he can hold on to something they can just like strap

him to it with a bungee cord and each way way he leans, it'll just move that way. You know, that's what he needs. I don't think he could make it on the hoverboard. He needs an old-fashioned Segway. Oh, my God. No, remember the guy, like, went off a cliff on a Segway and died? They'd be like, Ken's nodding off. All right, everybody, close the doors before he rolls into the street again, darlings.

Oh, my God, that's so terrible. Robo-hip. That should be's so terrible. Robo hip. That should be his new hashtag. His segue hip. Darling, lean towards me. I need you to hand me the remote control, darling. Not this way. He got that done, right?

What, a robo hip? I don't know, girl. Even I have to draw the line at some gossip I'll follow. No, he got it done. He got his hip done or something. I'm going to put a Google alert on Ken. you see that robo hip ken todd's hip if any news comes in about ken todd's hip i'm totally calling you while you're shooting i'm gonna be like kata it's mad your girlfriend girl but only if you say it like that oh yeah i'll totally be your horrible reality show gay person oh my wait i have a lot of those actually um really okay let's see how that works out for you

oh my god okay stop it who's my number one who do i always call when i have news and updates and fun shit how many people do you tell that to Or anybody she said that to in the comments, you better tell me. No, it's true. My Katie. Katie, I love ya. Oh my God, thank you so much. I love this podcast.

It really is my favorite. It is so much fun to talk to you. I've, so far I've talked to you, Angie, Julia, who else? I'm about to talk to Nadine and Kate from Below Deck. I'm having the best talk fest of my life. See, I think this is so fun to cheat on, bud.

It really is. And we've already been running so long on our shows. But yeah, this week's going to be like eight hours, I think, of shows. And they're so fun. And thank you so much for telling us about all your shit. Congratulations on your new show. Oh my God and thank you so much for telling us about all your shit congratulations on your new show oh my god thank you so much and don't forget you guys after thanksgiving to set your scales back at least 10 pounds stop talking about scales set it back 10 pounds Nutrisystem darling Nutrisystem because Nutra Cazola system. I swear to God, I like, I'm ready to be the next spokesperson for Nutra system because

I, I really swear by it. I love it. I'm going to, I'm going to send before and afters. I'm not afraid to show my fat to the world because I want people to know that it works. No, you have to get a before first though. I did take it before. It's hideous. You did?

How many pounds ago was that? Get out of here with your before. No before it's hideous you did how many pounds ago was that get out of here with your before no it's awful i weighed 136 pounds and now i'm down to 122 i haven't weighed 136 since i was in like kindergarten get out of here but are you five foot one and a woman no well there you go i'm five foot one when were you five foot one fourth grade well to be fair i've always been a woman. That should take off some weight. Oh, my God.

What would your woman name be if you transitioned? Rhonda. My mother's name is Rhonda and my name is Rondal. I mean, come on. How gay is that? And my grandfather's name is Rondal as well. So it's Rondal, Rhonda, and Rondal. When my Meemaw gets mad, it's quite a thing.

Rondal. I mean, Rhonda. I mean, Rhondal. No, other Rhonda. Rhonda. Rhonda. Comeondal. When my Meemaw gets mad, it's quite a thing. Rhonda, I mean, Rhonda, I mean, Rondal, no, other Rhonda. Rhonda, Rhonda. Come on, guys. So your transition would be fairly easy. I would be Rhonda, yeah. No, it would be really good. You could be Rhonda, and it wouldn't even have to be

like a big deal. A lot of people already call me Rhonda. That would totally be my name. Rhonda. And that would be like my mean, bitchy one. And I say that with respect, by the way. So you can just stay Ronnie and it would be totally fine. Yes. And then when I'm going to be nice to people, I would be Ron. So I'm either Rhonda or Ronnie. Just take off the L get rid of the L. Oh my God. You know, I'm going to start hashtagging you that. I think it's the way to go. Hashtag Rhonda. Yeah. Just Rhonda. That's how to get some attention. I think it's the way to go. Hashtag Rhonda. Yeah, just Rhonda.

That's how to get some attention. I'll just make everybody wonder. They'll be like, wait a second. Yeah, do it. Is that man becoming a woman or is that woman becoming a man? What's going on? Can you just actually put as the title of this podcast what it's like to transition? And then maybe you'll get get so many hits on it.

And then people will be super disappointed because it'll be like, oh, learn how to lose weight like a Kardashian. And then you click on it and then nothing happens. Yes. We should just start using popular titles from the news. We'll see whatever is trending

on Twitter and just make that the title. Yeah, I think that's the way to do it. We'll be like, yes, all women. Whatever. I don't even know what's trending. I haven't even looked at a hashtag. I think that's the way to do it. We'll be like, yes, all women. Remember. I don't even know what's trending. I haven't even looked at a hashtag telling. I think that's the way to do it. What's trending right now?

Okay, I'll just tell you really quick. Just tell me the first story on Facebook that's trending or Twitter. Okay. First one on Twitter is, here we go, news. BuzzFeed. No, that's not it. Moments. Oh,'s pets of the week y'all seriously delivered on fat pets and then cam newton versus tom brady the wait delivered on fat pets yeah and then thanksgiving with black families okay let's what was the first one we said we'd do the first one what was that okay it was y'all seriously delivered on fat pets front okay i'm just gonna call it y'all

seriously fat pets so it's with katie cazorla just call it y'all seriously with fat pets and then on facebook the first thing that comes up in my news feed is I'll tell you right now is East Los Angeles police seek homeless man suspected of killing his girlfriend with a hammer. We couldn't because these titles are all too long. We can only take a couple words. So maybe you should

just put killing girlfriend. Just do killing girlfriend with hammer. Just do that and see if you get hit. Oh, not after a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills episode. Good Lord. Too dark. Too dark. Oh, yeah. Lighten it up.

All right. Well, Katie, I sure loves you. Happy holidays. Come back for some Beverly Hills. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. This is so good. We love you. Yeah. Katie, hugs. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. This is so good. We love you.

Katie hugs. Oh my God. Happy Thanksgiving. Y'all guys. There's information that you come across on the internet and then there's information that you need to know. I need to know if Adele is feeling okay today. Who's hurt her feelings?

Who has broken up with Adele? Thankfully, I don't have to go to the grocery store and search and search for Adele's happiness index, darling. I have texted her on me iPad and also on me phone, and I love it. And guess what? There's a beetle right now on People Magazine. Which beetle loves Adele?

Whoever the beetle is, please don't break up with Adele. Please. She needs to be a little bit happier. I need a happier Adele, all right, people? people make it happen for those of us who want premium content and don't have time to waste finding it there's texture the best way to read all your favorite magazines anytime anywhere texture is the app that gives you an all-access pass to the world's best magazines right on your phone or tablet browse hundreds of magazines and cherry pick the articles that interest you most.

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The best part, Texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins. Think about that. You'll gain unrestricted access to the world's best magazines from back issues to the one on newsstands right now try texture for free now go to texture.com slash crappins the texture app is the easiest way to remain culturally curious with top stories and new and noteworthy sections updated throughout the day that's daily plus you can share your subscription with the entire family. You can download articles and whole issues for offline reading. Okay? Go to texture.com slash crappins. Hey, stranger.

Hey, stranger. Literally this time. I'm on my first date with Ms. Julia Cunningham from SiriusXM Entertainment Weekly Radio. Hey, Julia. Oh, my gosh. Thank you for having me. Oh, thank you so much for showing up. You never know on a first date. I know.

And I was going to stand you up too, but I just thought what would a sir bartender do? They'd come in and they would bang you. So here I am. I'm totally getting a banging. My water is never going to be refilled. But I'll be banned. Oh no.

I'll upsell you to bottled water though. So you work for and it'll be in a weirdly shaped bottle that Lisa sells. Pump water. Yeah, exactly. We literally used to get water from a pump. I invented that with Penny. So, Penny, water pump. It's going to be sold in all of Australia.

So let's have some real date talk before we get into vanderpoop drools how did you end up over at entertainment weekly i always wonder are you like super talented and then they like come scout you oh i wish it was that i mean i i've worked for serious for for many years now um in all sort capacities, like as a producer, as a manager, all things. I started hosting a music show and I thought, God, doing this is so much more fun than doing spreadsheets and timesheets. I want to do this all the time. And it was just when I was ready for a change that Entertainment Weekly was launching their own channel. And so I applied to the company website, like totally submitted a resume and then demoed for a few months and was lucky enough to be selected by Entertainment Weekly and SiriusXM to host the afternoon show.

Holy crap. That's awesome. And you guys, that's a full on three hour show, right? Yeah, we're live weekdays for three hours at 3 p.m. Eastern. We just talk movies and music, and we have John Hill on each week, who is a supervising producer of Watch What Happens Live. So we get our Bravo fill in on Thursdays with John Hill. Oh, sweet. How deep do you go? What does he tell you? Is he like, Gaga was a bitch? Yeah, I mean, within reason, I think.

He'll usually tell us like what they like drink wise or you know like when um Amber Rose you know um Andy Hill or excuse me Andy Cohen said that um you know that was probably the worst guest they ever had and watch what happens live and he said it was odd like she was backstage being lovely like was being super personal saying hi to everybody and then as soon as those cameras turned on it was like she was over it oh Oh, my God. It's always the girl in like a foot tall stiletto heels and like mountains of plastic boobs on her chest that she can't carry. And a gigantic blown up face who's like organizing protests.

That's the shy one. Yeah. And then she like didn't want to talk about it. It's like, what? What? Yeah. How could she not want to talk about it?'s like what what yeah how could she not want to talk about it i don't get it that's what people know you for you had like the slut walk but that's

her right yeah yeah is that what it was called the slut walk it's called the slut walk and i think his question was who who turned you down and i think she was like offended by it like who wouldn't be in the slut walk yeah like who didn't want to be in the slut walk? She's like, I don't want to talk about non-sluts right now. Yeah. Sluts only? Thank you. Can we talk about the debt ceiling, please? Yeah.

For those of you who don't know what the slut walk was, I didn't even know. I turned on the internet one day because I'm old. That's how I do it. Yeah, cranked it up one morning and i saw this giant instagram of her someone had posted and it was hashtag slut walk and she's like i'm sick of people being treated like sluts or whatever yeah i saw it and i was like oh that's just clickbait i'm not even gonna bother clicking yeah well it literally was she didn't even try and hide it it wasn't like we're walking for women's rights. And then maybe a few days later, plus buy a strap on and, you know, whatever. It was in the same post.

Yes. No, totally bizarre. March for justice and you can buy bras in the back of my trunk. Just ask me at the walk. And then we're going to burn them. Oh, God. They burn their bras? No.

Oh, you can't do that today. That was back in the day when everybody didn't have implants. You can't just burn those bras today. They could catch everybody on fire. Yeah, probably her crew could burn their bras. She's probably not wearing bras, so she's like, it's fine. Burn all the bras. My boobs just stand up on their

own. They're unmeltable. It's a true trooper of the slug walk. We're all just going to float in water. Sluts don't sink. Pass it around. Tweet it, guys. Tweet it. Oh, man. How is she not

having any show yet? Or does she? Oh, my God. I don't know. I don't keep up with my amber rose news which is probably the issue that's the problem you guys i'm the problem thank god for instagram it was like amber rose slut walk and yolanda being like oh ow but hugs still hugs to everybody okay so warning i talk a lot but you don't seem to mind you can get in there when you have something to say no this is your show, please. No, no.

When it's a run-on sentence, just interrupt, and I'll hear your voice, and I'll try and ignore it, and then just ignore my ignore. I stop on the second ignore. Okay. So don't let me over-talk you, because I'll never shut up. Okay, fair. My friend came on to record Real Housewives of Atlanta with me, and I'm like, oh, it's just going to be a few minutes. Not much is happening on that show. Two hours later.

So we're going to have a really long day of talking crap. Great. So let's move into some Vanderpoop drools. Yes. Previously. Hi, y'all. Brittany coming in her lingerie. James and Jenna bounding apart. Blah, blah, blah, et cetera. britney coming in her lingerie uh james and jenna boom did a potter

blah blah blah etc and lisa five pills a day it's a lot of micro pm porsche okay so we opened um with sheena and katie now katie i am a person who has weight issues, and I ain't ever going to fat shame anybody, especially because I think she's more beautiful at this weight than ever, and she's not fat. I'm just saying that because whenever you gain weight, that's when you start head accessorizing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Draw the attention up, right?

Totally. She's like, I'm making headbands. It's like, oh, no. Not a headband. Which, by the way, I spent at least an hour on Pucker and Pout last night, which is all these photographs were for her own blog that she's launching, her lifestyle blog. Is it actually up? Yes. Oh, my gosh.

And there's such dribble posts. Everything is like, you know what's good for you? Water. It keeps you hydrated. And there's like a picture of a glass of water. I'm like, oh, Katie, this is so low budge. When your waiter asks you if you want bottled or tap, always say bottled. Stop trying to upsell me in your pucker and pout, darling.

I'm not understanding why everybody needs to start a blog. Maybe it's because I've had one for so many years. And guess what? You're broke. Oh, yeah. But like the idea that everyone has a lifestyle opinion is the thing that stuns me the most when I see like the most random people. Like a Katie from Vanderpump Rules. Like do you really think you're going to change lives with telling people to drink glasses of water?

She could. A lot of people do that when they first start their health journey they're like have you ever eaten vegetables they're not bad that's how i should try it yeah because it's not like weight watchers where they're just like have 5 000 calories just make it our products you know right exactly whatever it's just drink water and you know people trying to lose weight who don't understand how to do it, me, nine months out of the year, just drink a lot of water. And then we're like, why aren't we thin? Yeah, exactly.

This doesn't work. I did everything you told me to do. I drank water. So she's doing her, like, real housewives business. And so she had her bestie, well, like her only friend, Sheena, come over to talk about it she's like you know sheena like people say so much with what they're wearing on their head like this one's that just had a burger king and uh this one will probably get stuck in people's hair and pull it but you know beauty is pain when you're like hung over his shit like this is what i do this is the one where no one around you will get out of bed and you're like,

I won't either. She's like, you know what I need? I need one of my friends who's super depressed and crying all the time. I think she should model for me. I can't wait. These are going to be a huge seller. What do you think of it? She's like, great business.

Do you have one where someone's totally in love and then they get giant paintings done of them at cbs and then the guy like cheats on her with pills oh my gosh can i say and your last podcast your discussion of of the the poster size printouts of her of her own self and her wedding is hilarious, Ronnie. There's like five of them. It's like I've never seen such like a narcissistic human's home. Like I had no idea that's what it looks like.

They're everywhere. I think she actually put more pictures up since the last time we were at that house. Because when we went in the house this time, I swear to you there were more. she was crying and she's like yeah but look at this couple look at them look at that couple up there and then look at that couple over there that girl's looking away beautifully and that girl's looking away beautifully poor thing he's like sleeping on her shoulder i never saw it coming i'm sure she has it on mugs and a calendar and anything that she can put her face on. Her coffee cup

is like, spinster not! So, Tom 2. Oh, God. Tom 2 enters with model advice. He's like, guys, I've been modeling for a long time. So, stay hot. I'm going to give you some advice for modeling these headbands. Make sure you date someone who can afford your car payment. Okay, great.

Glad I added to this. I can't feel my eye. I can't feel my lip liner. Sheena looks like she can't feel her lips when she's putting on her lip liner. She's doing massive circles. It was like a child who first learns about chapstick like oh like burt's bees tingles just like keeps putting like a hundred rows of chapstick on that was sheena it's like when you come home from the dentist

and your mouth is numb and you're like i am drinking this milkshake right she kind of had that post-dentist thing i was like you can it. Poor thing, she probably still can't feel those lips. Only her eyes move. Yeah, no. And also, I mean, in terms of bedrooms, I cannot believe three people fit in that room. I'm not saying I have a huge apartment, but I wouldn't film in a room where the dresser

is on top of the bed and the three of them, Tom was basically kicking Katie in the butt because they were on top of each other standing three people in a room. This is Bravo though. It's like, they'll refuse to give them more money. I don't know how it works.

I think they should do it. Cause you can't give a show to a bunch of waiters and then expect them to still be waiters, you know? Cause they'll be like, I'm snorting this in Mexico. Um, speaking as a waiter, I'd be like,

I get like $50 and I'm like, I'm going off my kitchen for a month, guys. But yeah, I forgot what I was going to say. You'll get used to it. Yeah, it's fine. So what was I going to say about that? What ended up happening to this? Tom 2, Shay doesn't look like an addict.

Oh, this is my favorite part. Oh my God. He's like, yeah, I just don't get it. Like, whenever I see Shayay i'm like man that guy could use some pills but he was already taking them no one can understand overweight drug addicts yeah well i love also that they're they're so concerned about it maybe just because as us as a viewer i'm like i've never even heard him speak so if i heard him talking i think we probably all know that he was on pills the whole time say is that housewife that in season two is like well everybody thinks i'm quiet well i have a

voice yeah no please don't have a voice like i need my storylines be more so i can get paid academy is a new scripted podcast that follows avva Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything

she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Well, that's his job. I mean, that's all he does, I guess. Poor guy. Like, he feels like less of a man because he doesn't have a job and he does drugs i'm like yeah you know what'll solve that right getting a job and not doing drugs yeah kind of an easy thing well they're not doing drugs isn't easy

no i mean it's it's sad but i'm also like you're married to basically an enabler so hey look i mean that's the lottery when you're an addict. Yeah, you know what? Actually, that's true. When you meet someone who's like, he's not a drug addict, he just takes a few pills a day. Who cares? It's not like he's injecting it. Did you see me over here? Judge not, want not, okay? So we'll get into the big drug uh the intervention later but yeah everyone's totally confused and

there was definitely some awkward moments when they were having that intervention like um you're not going to mention that you got all this shit from us right they're like where'd you get it seriously where could you possibly get drugs when we're partying every night where would you be getting those it's like every place oh, every place, lots of people. Whoa. There was also just such like a reality TV thing where it's like, you know, you and Sheena shouldn't have a conversation. You and all of your friends should totally confront him. Well, the friends are the only ones who will tell her to shut up for five seconds. That's true.

And now we learned the word intimidating. I mean, once he did open his mouth, there's not many full sentences that came out. Yeah. Oh. I was like, you need to mix and match those words a little better, hun. He's just kind of throwing them at the board right now, hoping they stick. Which I always forget that his name is Michael. I'm always like, I thought his name was Shay something or other.

Michael Shay. Yeah, I didn't know either. I'm uncomfortable knowing his full name. It's like Kenny talking. I don't want Kenny to talk. I want him to just be there in a weird little ski suit and die every time. I know. Kenny died for real a long time ago, didn't he?

I hope so, because I can't keep up with those storylines anymore. The South Parks. Man, when those South Park kids all got their own businesses, I was done with this show. I was like, where's the reality in this? Really those South Park kids all got their own businesses, I was done with this show. I was like, where's the reality in this? Really, South Park? Tom to, oh, Tog. Tog.

The blog. Sorry. Pucker and, wait, what's it called? Pucker and Pow. Pucker and Pow. You don't do either of those things with your hair, by the way. Okay. Katie and Breathe.

Katie's advice. These people are so dumb, but they're so nice to each other sometimes, Katie. Listen, honey, all you need to do is just breathe. Just breathe and take it one day at a time. Seriously. She's like, that's what she's been doing. That's why her husband's a drug addict. You don't say something that he's going to be trying to say in therapy all the time.

He's like, I'm just taking it one day at a time, Sheena. Yeah, but when is it my day? You're pulling attention away from me. I'm in my bikini. It's the month of November on the calendar. What day should I put? What bikini sticker should I put on the day? What number?

What number, Shay? I'll be like, you're intimidating. Yeah. If he even responds, he probably just uses the power of silence at all times. He was trying to be like, me not responding to you was me trying to be like,

you're hurting my feelings. And she just powered through to be like, oh, this is just more ample time for me to be talking. How do you think that makes me feel? Oh. When you're feeling bad about me, that makes me feel that way. Bring it on.

All roads lead back to Azusa. At the end of the day. Lala. Here we are with my favorite thing to say. Be nice to Lala. What did she say? Modeling for Katie. Lala. Okay, here we are with my favorite thing to say. Be nice to Lala. Which she didn't even say today. Modeling for Katie.

How can I smile? That's a good question, Sheena. I haven't seen you have a real smile in a while because you literally can't. You can't. I'm not perky photographers. They're taking her picture. Sorry, you guys. I've just been crying for days.

You sound more perky than my spot yet. Things have been going bad, guys. Real bad. They're like, please shut up and tilt your head down and look away from the camera. She's like, that's what I said to Shay on her wedding day. I can't believe that they were using basically a professional photographer. I was like, what is happening right now? You know that someone who got a free mojito once it's pumped and katie talking if they're getting engagement rings over the course of like one meeting then definitely they're getting a free photographer and they got

the wedding ring in someone's studio apartment in east hollywood where the refrigerator was like please don't buy an eight thousand,000 ring in a studio apartment. That's just not good. You might as well just go to like a Claire's in a mall if that's what you're going to do. Claire's is more reputable. You know that place has been vacuumed. That's true. The hell?

That guy doesn't even have a cover for his fridge. It's like some old leaky fridge. How did you even meet that guy in the course of five minutes that's that's the only way he that's the length of the time he worked there is that what you're saying he's like oh god i'm stressing out i'm stressing out oh nice to meet you will you donate a ring rings i'll give you a bottle of this lisa pump sangria for a ring. It's like, God, I'm good at selling. Oh, yes. So Lisa busts Jax. So when we get to Sir finally,

it honestly didn't take 20 minutes to get to Sir on the show, only on this show. No, and I don't understand either because Sir should be the same way like Manhattan is to Sex and the City. Like it should be another character, you know, but they don't treat it properly.

Yeah, they don't need anybody to see that. Yeah. The health department doesn't need to see that we just got our a back it is easy to get a b or a c with the health department they're like whoa look at that cup on the counter there left a ring all right there's a b guys oh no i'm sure pump has an a i'm sure sir has a b and she's gonna throw it in their face via the health inspector who only looked at Pump. I've brought in Stefan from Pump to show you how to clean. What was it, Stefan? If you have time to lean, you have time to take pictures in your bikinis to promote the restaurant. No, clean.

If you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean. All right, whatever. Just do what he says. Idiot. Jax is just, like, abusing him from the back. So Lisa comes in, and Jax, gross, is up at the La La station. And Mama's already earning that money and being nice to Lisa because she's having this fake conversation on the phone. She's like, yeah, hi, yeah.

I'm sorry. we don't have any tables no we're booked up yeah maybe in a month okay i can take your name now or put you in a lottery but nope sorry sir stop yelling sir i'm sorry robert de niro redford you cannot come no one is calling and begging for a reservation it's her okay yeah it's like oh a table we only have 10 p.m available like doubt it they do that though they'll put especially at pump they'll put like four big guys in suits like really nice suits that just stand there like they're blocking someone very important but then you look behind it and all the tables are empty it's like what are you blocking the giant, but then you look behind it and all the tables are empty.

It's like, what are you blocking? The giant pots? What are you protecting in there? President pot? President hanging scary thing that can poke people in the head? No, clearly they're protecting Jennifer Lawrence. Remember? She loves it. She went there once and that place,

oh my God, they're like a diner. Just put her face on every wall. Jennifer Lawrence ate a goat cheese ball. Tell him, Stefan! She loves the pumptini. I can't believe nobody's ever thought of putting vodka in a triangular cup before. It's insane. Thank god for Chef Penny. And then what was that bartender's name when he's like, And then I put strawberries and I muddle them.

Oh. That's everything on that show. They muddle everything. They would muddle chocolate milk. Yes. Punch the chocolate. All right, I'm bringing in Jenny from next door. Not only does she work out two times a day, Katie darling, she also punches

chocolate. Punch it. Chocolate's delicious. So Jax coming on to Lala is really gross. And Lala keeps shocking me every time because she has that look in her face. I've been comparing her kind of to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman where she's a hoe, but she's a really nice girl.

And you're like, oh my God, how did she become a hoe hoe because she's just so darn sweet but then she makes terrible decisions and that's kind of like lala i keep thinking she's about to say something different and then she doesn't jacks hey yeah you like so you know i hear you're mormon from utah she's like yeah like i hear that they like i mean this is too much just like tell me about i hear that they like, I mean, this is too much. Just like tell me about, I hear they like anal. Is that true? She's like, yeah. Yeah.

Anal and BJs were great at it. I'm like, Lala, shut up. Stop talking. She does not mind sexual harassment at all. That's like the second time she's been blatantly harassed at work. And she's like, yeah, that was hot. Yeah. She's like, goes to HR and she's like, I'm not getting sexually harassed enough. I'd like to file a report.

Jax actually stayed behind the hostess stand when he was sexually harassing me. He was doing it wrong. I need to talk to no one on the phone lines about how we don't have any tables. I brought over Luke to teach the staff how to properly harass someone. Do it. Do it, darling. Luke's an idiot. All right.

Stop being a brat, Jax. Jax, get away from everyone. I'm rapier than him. Stop it, Jax. Don't ever be mean to my wife again. When she tells you you're not harassing properly listen do you hear me young man tough ken they're like all right whatever i want tough ken to just go be tough with everybody on bravo just randomly walk in very slowly and say don't mess with her

or you're messing with jiggy yeah. Yeah, like a retail therapy, but with Ken and Jiggy and Lisa and Hank. Lisa and Hanky. I was like, who's Hank? You can't just turn Hanky into Hank. That's completely different numerology, darling. My favorite character. We haven't trademark Hank.

Only Hanky. And we're going gonna start selling little cloth squares to pick up her poop. But they also take boogers. We've made a new invention. We're revolutionizing the industry with Hankys. So, fighting with Lala. Flighting with Lala. Oh, flirting with Lala.

Gross. I just put gross. And then Lisa's like, Lala, darling, please wrap yourself in saran wrap if you're gonna stand anywhere near jacks i don't need new newbies popping out in souls darling unappetizing i love the way that the show is cut where you'll see jack's like flirting with lala and clearly being like anal and then it'll cut back to a scene where he's like, Brittany, move in with me. Be my girlfriend. I want to be exclusive.

God bless his heart. I don't think he knows what exclusive means. It's not his fault. It's English's fault. Such a dum-dum. I love whenever they use old phrases on these guys because they've never heard them before. Like when she says,

Jax, you don't poop in your own yard. He's like, uh. What? But it's illegal to poop in other people's yards. He's like, wait, I think I can do that because it's my yard. No, Jax. Does it count if I'm renting?

And then, what was the last thing? yeah lisa she goes uh that girl's in trouble from that girl from arkansas trouble she's giving up her life for jacks he's had three noses in one year he doesn't understand the word commitment that's got a point there i know i but see part of me feels bad for her but the other part of me is like well she seems like a bag there i know i but see part of me feels bad for but the other part of me is like well she seems like a bag of rocks so i mean this is what jacks is gonna end up with and i guess it should be at least a nice girl from wherever yeah i know those people when people get really into it on instagram because that's how they met you know and you think you know their personality sometimes people really are like that we were reading some instagrams yesterday of housewives

and some of them are really like that like dorinda here i am having the hot dog on the street i got a picture with the hot dog guy look surrender the hot dog guy oh god she's really like that in real life you know yes yeah and this one is probably really like that too she She's probably like, Hi y'all! Today I hang stuff in my bedroom with tape! Then she shows up and you're like, oh my god, she's really hanging stuff in my house with tape. Tape, yes. And there's gonna be like, I don't know, like sunflowers everywhere.

She seems like that type. I like flowers and I like sun. Flowers are the perfect marriage Between seeds and the sun And Jax is like Uh huh whatever It's like marriage gross So is she living in his studio or whatever

Do we know yet It hasn't been confirmed but it looks like she has Spare keys right that's what the waitresses Were giving her a hard time about Oh god she's already got keys. Can you imagine the amount of people that have keys to Jax's apartment?

God, that's terrible. I know. You would never know who stole from you. He's probably got some kind of nanny cam or something in there just for masturbatory reasons, I would guess. Maybe one day he'll leave it on on accident. It's all the bus boys hanging out using all the silverware from sir gross so going out jacks james is like me at

that age so it's guys night out and all the douchebags go i'm guessing to the grove because that's where they always go is that that really where they go? Yes. They go to anywhere that Mohammed kind of owns. So they go to Mixology, which is owned by one of their friends. I don't know. Oh, yeah. The Grove is owned by the Shaws of Sunset, basically. Oh, my God.

They're like, let's meet at the macaroni cart. They're like shots, all shots, all night night we'll finish this fight at the sticker store i'm like does james not realize that he's six foot and maybe a hundred pounds well i went to dinner there the other day um because that's a really fun place to eat ironic dinner you know yeah and um they always i've always heard that they have one of them on staff at all times, like Disneyland, you know, so Mickey, you can get your picture taken with Mickey. And so if you go every night, you can see a different person every night collecting cards. So I went and it was James and we were there for happy hour. So it was like 630 and he was in the lobby like, oh, hello. Hello, darling. Hello, darling. Talking to the lobby like, oh, hello, darling.

Hello, darling. Talking to all the girls, kissing them. Kind of wasted already, you know, how he is. And he looks just like he does on the show, but really cute, and he's overly flirtatious with everybody. He's just that guy, I think, who wins by, I don't know, smiling in people's face and being creepy. Yeah, and having an accent. Yeah, just kidding. Yeah, but his accent's not even that charming when like,

top of the morning to you. I'm going to the finance district to build a larger castle for our family. That's the kind you marry. This one's just like, not. It's like, yeah, darling, you're pretty, darling. Yeah, you're looking real pretty there, darling. Ew. It's like, yeah, darling, you're pretty, darling. Yeah, you're looking real pretty there, darling.

Ew. It's like a chimney sweeper. Yes, he's a chimney sweeper. Like being a letch from the roof at people, you know. Are you down there, darling? Yeah, you're locked ahead to blow job. Look at that there, darling. That's so romantic.

You're right. His conversation, what was it, last week or two weeks ago when he was talking with lala about like oh do you do you like to bang other girls boyfriends i'm like ew and that was another time where i thought she was gonna be like you're a creep fuck off because that's what her eyes were saying and then she's like well i mean if you say you don't have a boyfriend then that's not my problem he's like yeah no you're the reason why amber rose had the slut shame walk let's you know what amber rose you've gone too far sometimes you need some shame and sluttery otherwise we're just gonna be walking around with a disease you know two uh two places

down or like two blocks down from pump is the hiv van that just drives around all over west hollywood so you can get your drink and come out and get your hiv test and go over to million dollars of milkshakes or whatever millions of milkshakes wait it out so it's kind of handy that they opened right in front of that thing bring the hiv truck all right jillian from pump is gonna show you how to give a blood sample. All right. She's the best. I'd never pay attention. Jax is like, I've done it a million times and I don't even have HIV.

We're like, yeah, Jax, settle down. I don't even have HIT. Like, no, Jax. It's a different thing. Oh, fuck. Yeah, Jax, come on. I kept forgetting to go back to the truck to get the results. Oh, well, I'm sure everything's okay. It's like an alarm going off down the street.

It also burns when I pee, though. Is that fun? No, Jax, no. I'm not drinking enough cocaine. So anyway, the guys are all going out. Oh, the other thing I wanted to say, because there's really no James story. Isn't that a fascinating story? I saw James, and I was was like what are you doing and he said

i'm about to dj over at pump you you guys should come by and see me see me dj wouldn't that be fun it's all in he's talking to my friend she's like and i don't think i've ever seen someone that thin as a man that guy guy is like Tim Burton movie thin. Yeah. No, you can kind of tell on the show. I mean, he. That's like a size 26. That's like Terry Hatcher thin from back in the day.

It's like goal weight. Okay. That's like a 10-year-old goal weight. And I approve. Good for you. I'm not thin shaming. All right, James. I was like, did I lose you?

Oh, you did? Did you lose me during thin shaming? Yes, I missed it. Wait. I was just saying that I'm not thin shaming him, you know? Like, I've just never seen an adult who has a body that a 10-year-old would be jealous of. Like, ugh, I feel so fat. Like, girl gymnasts are like, how do you do it?

So, let's see here. Going out. Size 26 jeans I wrote. I don't think I've ever written down size 26 jeans, but I did last night. Just taking a guess. Guy's night, talking, Kristen. He's also wearing like specifically women's. Clothes?

Women's what? Oh, sorry. I'm like, I'm losing it. He's wearing, like, women's size 26 jeans. Is that smaller? Yes. Oh, they don't lie to you guys?

How can it be smaller? I've never understood sizes. Isn't there just, like, one way to measure people? No. It's like, because women's butts and men's butts don't add up.

Oh, it's the butt. It's the butt's the childbearing reege i mean not that you have kids at your butt you know what i mean yeah i know what you mean um what was i gonna say about measurements oh yeah i'm really mad at places because the measurements are so different and when you have weight-ish, it's like, just tell me, am I Old Navy weight or am I Banana Republic weight? Because Old Navy, you can be like 500 pounds and they'll be like, you're a weight size 36.

Congratulations. You're like, what? I've lost weight. You're like, no matter what, I'm always a size zero here. Like maternity dresses. Congratulations, you're thin. Come back to Old Navy. I love this.

Everything Empire waist. And you can also leave with a keychain that holds your gum. Whatever they have in the end aisle there. I love that place. Old Navy. Remember when the Navy was new? Thank God it's old now love the bargains new navy had the correct sizes fuck that store all right pure one why am i writing down

pure one okay what do these guys talk about blah blah relationship being gross gross no one cares they're all fake tom trying to talk about being an adult okay so the toms want to come up with this business where they're selling lisa's sangria oh my god this is my favorite part of the season so far i think was the actual pitch meeting so the seeds are planted in the scene that they're they're gonna start their own business because you know you can't be peter pan forever like tell sandy duncan that i think she's i think she passed away and they still put her on that bun jeans is she alive sandy duncan can't confirm that i don't remember morning so she's probably still with us yeah i'm like i'm gonna do a quick google let's see kathy rigby is still flying around as peter pan do not put time limit on still alive

sandy duncan is at 69 oh that's not even bad good for you darling fly i don't want to grow up that's when you start really singing it after 40 every day doesn't work. Kristen anger face. Okay. So whatever. This seems dumb. Basically, James is a mess and kind of a drunk. And he's always loud. And they have a segment about how he's a loud drunk. Right. Yeah. And we're like, we get it.

We get it. And also, probably Coke. What do you think's there? Yeah, probably. His pupils are really dilated. And he's talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and not stopping. Well, yeah, because I've never seen someone get so hyped up on tequila shots. Ever.

Yeah, no, it doesn't work. It's interacting with something. And cocaine, oddly enough, is back. People are doing it again. They'll give it to you right in the club. Copyrage it, sir. She's like, we have no tables available, but I can offer you a little bag if you walk by. Lisa's like, listen, everything else in here is from the 80s.

The only drug you're allowed to do on the floor is cocaine. Everyone understand? I brought Juliana from Pump to show you how to cut it properly with a button knife. Get in here, darling. Jax is like, no, this time I actually think I'm better than all of you. Let me have this one, Lisa. If anything, let me have this one. I have seven noses.

Respect, fist pump. All right, Jax, take it over. Pump's all upset. Therapy. Okay, so the old reality therapy where people go to a therapist that they've obviously never seen before because the therapist looks terrified oh my god which also can we note that before they get to the therapist's office like kristin's making him breakfast and he's like half asleep hung over as hell like on the couch and he has that confession

where he says i've only been awake for 38 seconds, and this is the worst day of my life. Having a Kristen looking over you with her face. That's totally her face. Like her tongue's on the side of her mouth, like kind of pulsing her cheek, you know, when people do that. Yes.

Like why is making blowjob face supposed to tell me you're angry? Like, ooh, hope you're enjoying your sleep. Ugh, do you feel me looking at you? Ugh, I'm boiling an egg. Ugh. And then he wakes up ready for her. Are you going to get out of bed? Are you going to stop napping?

Those are from Pier 1, okay? Get up. He's like, I don't want breakfast kristine oh yes kristine kristine i don't want breakfast kristine he's mad that she made breakfast fine sorry i made you breakfast so where were you why were you cheating what did you do why are you always doing that and she just wants to start fighting right away and he's still drunk because he got home 30 minutes ago yeah it's like 10 in the morning and he's still drunk so he's like oh piss off piss off then he's like hey i've been wanting to tell you this for a long time you're stupid and i hate you hope you die oh my god you know

what it's shocking i i wish there was some sort of like catch-up show in between last season this season because i want to see the turning point when james was all of a sudden like i hate you kristin like i hate you i think the turning point well because he even hated her at that wedding last year she was wedding she punched him in the face yeah that might have been it yeah might have been the turning point i think once he got a contract i think when bravo was like okay you've done your job you've actually filled waters you've pressed play on itunes and you've banged a cast member so yeah that's a season you won so he's like i've got everything kristen he's looking for the escape patch now i mean basically he just needs to walk out i think

they're making him shoot with her because she still has to be on the show so what is she gonna do now yeah yeah no he she has to be on the show i'm starting a lawsuit against against sir because the parking spaces are too slim so i'll be here every week i'm more concerned about how they're gonna work stassi into this season oh my god i know when you have a whole show about waiters and now most of them are gonna stop being waiters how's this gonna work exactly going to stop being waiters. How's this going to work exactly? I mean, it's not like the show's about them ever showing up to work anyway, but

still. Yeah. I want to see Stassi work. Oh, couch desk! Oh, God! Changing position in couch desk. Okay, it's official. I need couch bed. I just need to be able to lay here. You deserve it. Let me put my leg under my other leg.

Get comfortable. We've got to get into the therapy sesh. Oh, I know. We just started. I'm like, we just started. And I'm like, the ending just opened. I mean, the opening just ended. Okay, so they get to therapy.

And Kristen's like, if we're going to work this out, we're going to do it the right way. With a therapist who doesn't know us that we got for free because bravo, okay? So they go to this chick who's terrified the second she sees them. Like literally terrified. She looks so scared. She's like, welcome. Welcome to a safe space. She's like, ugh. I'll tell you what Welcome to a safe space. She's like, ugh.

I'll tell you what's not a safe space. Anywhere around him. He's like, you're a stupid slag, Kristen. All right, then. Let's just talk about what's going on with you guys. Well, he's still drunk. Oh, fuck off, Kristen. I have to get drunk to look at your face.

She's like, well, guys, I think communication might be the first issue. Well, it's really hard to communicate with him when he keeps not bringing in the mail and then I don't remember to pay T-Mobile and then my phone gets turned off and then I'm like, where's my phone off? And he's like, you're a stupid moron, C-Wed, Kristen! Not helping.

And he's like, and I just want to hate you. He's like, I cheat on you to just make it worse because I hate you. And then he does that thing where he just turns it all into her like she's doing everything the the you are defense like well i don't trust her because of the people she slept with and she's like oh whatever i've hardly slept with anyone okay jacks he's like Jax Tom Tom Alfredo you slept with Alfredo god damn it Kristen probably Peter cause Peter secretly has like slept with everyone

Peter has slept with everyone he's like the Ted Danson of the place he's kind of the older one but nobody's pretending he's older yes when he shows up dating a chick with a four year old theyold, they're like, whoa, we've never known an adult. I'm like, actually, you've been doing coke with one for three years now. I don't know what you're all so shocked about.

That's what we do when we find someone older. We're like, oh, you have a kid in an apartment? What is this? Great. I'm moving in. It's cold being professional in your 40s. Projecting. Oh, geez.

I want someone with a baby that I can ignore. Right? Yeah, ignore. I want to give somebody daddy issues. Okay, so how much therapy do we need to go into? That was pretty much it, right? I mean, that was it. It was just basically, it was so clear.

It's like, you guys need to break up. Like, don't even bother trying to work it out. It's like, was the eyes of that therapist. therapist yeah that poor therapist was horrified with her job at that moment she's like i've already had to deal with kristin alone let alone with her fucking boyfriend she goes guys we're gonna have to learn how to not retaliate but she's hurt me and i haven't gotten over it uh Sex with Jackson Tom affected me. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable, Kristen.

And then she's like, yeah, but I make so much effort because like, remember how I tell you you're special? And like, I'll be like, you're so thin. Oh, I love your jeans. Like, I try and be the most supportive girlfriend I can. He's like, you're not my mother. She puts spit on her fingers and then comes to my hair with them. It's disgusting. It's because I'm trying to be supportive.

Sick. Gross. Sad. Ew. And they still find a way to bring up Todd. Tom, what if they brought up Todd from Atlanta? She's like, I'm mad at him because Todd's holding Apollo's things. She's always mad at him,

but she finds a way to bring up Tom every single time. Yes. Will not let go. Proud of her. She sticks to her guns, right? That's called love. It's called commitment.

So therapist, I feel like, and then James starts, you're a fucking bitch. He's just wasted in therapy. He's like, oh, really? All right, let me learn to say this in a nicer way she's a bitch like okay it's not his eyes are like blazed so dinner with the gang oh god so i'm assuming we're at a soup plantation i'm not sure where we are just a guess. Whatever low budget. They're like, oh, strictly appetizers.

Do we have a Luby's in LA yet? How have they not eaten at Clean Jumper yet? I have no idea. That's the best place ever. Have you guys ever seen a club sandwich this big? Okay, so where were they? Okay, let me find my Luby's note. Luby's, Luby's, Luby's, Luby's.

Okay, so they're all talking couplehood because it's Katie and Tom two, Ariana and Tom one, and who's the other couple? Oh, Peter. Peter and New Boo. I don't even think Peter said anything all year, has he? No, no. Yeah, they're like, you're old. Sit in the back. We have no room for you, old one. You back we have no room for you old one you're not

gonna be a cast member you're not young enough yeah he was like well i do bring a lot of people around it's just that the cameras never show them the editors always put them on the cutting room floor they're like um no which i mean by the way i think jackax is like 42. I would think so. I mean, it's so hard to tell, you know. I know. You know how you count the rings on a tree to know how old it is? Like, you have to count the little rings behind the ears of people who have had so much work. Yeah.

Because you have to do it by decades. Because usually it's like a facelifted decade, which actually leaves a line behind the ear. And you get your first facelift when you're like mid-30s if you're on this cast. So I need to look at those rings. Robert Downey Jr. has four. I was like, oh my god, he's really aged? He's gonna do Cocoon soon.

He can literally do it. I saw them in Iron Man. I was like, four rings! 60! 60 if he's a day. That's insane. I didn't know that. This is up. 60. 60 if he's a day. That's insane. Accurate signs. I didn't know that. Yeah, this is good.

Learning. Learning. Krappen's lesson. So all the guys are talking about their relationships. And Peter's like, yeah, I knew she was the one because we met at a free party. I didn't have to buy her a drink. She still boned me. And the camera's actually showing her.

So she wins. It's meant to be and then they all start talking about how because she has a baby that everybody else it's time to grow up and ariana's terrified of the word marriage because that's tom's new thing it's like we're adulting yeah we're gonna get married like when this comes when the bill comes i'm not gonna be like could you split this on like six different checks i to be like, could you split this on, like, six different checks? I'm just going to say, can you split this into three checks? Because each couple should pay together.

Because that's what adult couples do. So he needs his own business. So he brings up the selling the sangria for Lisa. They're like, yeah, it's really time to make an effort now. And sell some sangria for lisa they're like yeah it's really time to make an effort now and sell some sangria so then oh and then katie's pretending she doesn't need to get married anyway she's like it's fine like he's totally changed yeah he's totally like immature like he just makes me crazy i can't even imagine marrying him are we getting married tomorrow when then when the time limit's almost up it's just all i'm saying you have like two months one day 26 hours and 58 minutes yeah because didn't they already pass their their like six month mark isn't it like

nine months now well they talk about it like i don't know how they work time on these because somebody said something had been happening for two years or oh i think it was on another wait who started their product two years ago oh kenya moore so on real housewives of atlanta they're like oh she started the shampoo company two years ago but we just saw that on this most recent season so i'm not sure how time really works on all of this um but i do know that it works on faces did you watch the beverly hills uh uncensored thing that they showed yes wasn't that good it was fascinating we don't have to talk about this today but that's another one where you can really see the faces change year to year. And they're like, back in 2010.

It's like, 2010? It looks like you guys are going back two decades. I know. Kim, especially for some reason, looked completely different to me. Kim and Lisa. Like, Lisa still had the same hair and stuff, but she really, really looked different. She still looks hot. I mean, she's had pretty decent surgery, I think. Yeah. Lisa like Lisa still had the same hair and stuff but she really really looked different yeah she still looks hot but I mean she's had pretty decent surgery I think but yeah anyway jumping jumping

ahead because I'm stuck at this gang dinner and I'm right yeah so annoyed with it that I won't even read down the paragraph because I'm like oh yeah I mean it was dumb they want to have an intervention so the funny thing about this to me is, don't you think Shay, okay, Shay hangs out with them and they're always partying every night. Where do you think Shay got the drugs? Yeah, seriously. I thought the same thing. And I'm surprised

how Sheena's like, I had no idea this was happening. Like, really? Really? You guys, Sheena's in a really bad mood. That's not his name. I don't even know you anymore! Really? You guys, Shane is in a really bad mood. That's not his name. It's not? I don't even know you anymore. Why did you never tell me there was not an N in your name?

I would have put it on your groom's cake. He's like, I didn't have one. Remember, you just handed me that ho-ho in the hallway and told me to be quiet. What a hundred cakes. Because you know he had like a tiny little cream cupcake from Ralph's with a candle on it. And she had like a five-decker cake

from Ralph's with a candle on it. You need to look like her for like crop top. Crop top wedding cakes are my things. Aunt Dee made me one. This is like Betty Crocker on top of Betty Crocker on top of Betty Crocker on top of Betty Crocker. With a cupcake on top. So now we get the most, another disgusting sexual harassment scene with someone who totally doesn't seem to mind. Lala's there again.

We see James at the pizza oven, which means it must be time to set up the iTunes. I've been working on a new playlist, Kristen. My friend asked him, what kind of music? Because she talks like that. She's like, what kind of music do you play he's like oh you know like whatever we do a lot of things house a lot of house she's like oh house gross i don't listen to that really he's like well we've also got some biba if that's your thing you know i can do everything biba house strisand he just starts naming anybody who's ever recorded

a song ever and And she's like, that sounds great. He's like, all right, darling, we'll move on. I hope to see you at pumpkin later. Uh,

Leary. Leary. Yikes. I actually think that we, um, or you need to have him, like you need to get him to make like a theme song for your, for your podcast. Oh God.

We need to hang out in real life so you can suggest things like that yeah yeah because uh my friend kim was saying why don't you tell him about the show and ask him to do the show i was like no because we only do shows with the people we like we can't just be mean to somebody you know and i mean i don't hate him or anything to me they're children i forgive these people for everything i don't hate any of them yeah he doesn't man i always say you can't beat a five-year-old for pooping on the ground you know right you pat it on the head and then you put it back in its crate and hope that it learns better for next time that's like a little james i mean it's like you know what you're gonna get when he's like coked down and drunk showing up to the podcast it's just inevitable because you

know it'll be on skype and he'll be like what was the question oh yes hello there yeah sure you know yeah i'll give you an autograph so could you please stop calling us on skype from the fucking bus stop yes so james okay so sexual harassment scene two of the of the day is anyone here nice like Are any of these men nice to women? No. That is the lesson learned. He's like, hello there, Lola. You feel sexy? Hey, Lola, do you feel tingly, girl? Do you feel tingly? It's just so gross how he talks to her.

Would you like to have fun, darling? I have fun. I mean, you must be a good singer. Look how pretty you are. You're a pretty, pretty girl. A pretty, pretty girl. I'm a producer. Get out of here. And he's like, oh, your voice.

You're so pretty. Do you know how many blowjobs GarageBand has gotten people? Yeah, definitely. Those GarageBand loops. I'm a producer. Now sing. Perfect. It's gonna be a hit. Bang me as your payment

Gross So L.A. He's L.A. L.A. Lala I'm like L.A. L.A. Why would I say that twice? Lala

Would you like to have fun darling? And then she starts blushing Which is weird And he says She's blushing I think she likes it She's blushing, which is weird. He says, she's blushing. I think she likes it. She's blushing. That's the chlamydia. She talked to Jax earlier.

Her body's just starting to feel the infection. Yeah, she too burns while peeing. That spit screen over the pizza oven helped nobody. Lisa's like, get over there behind the pizza thing. Just press play over there. I don't care if it burns, James. We're not here to make you comfortable. Now put something from Saudi Arabia

mixed with a child singing in France, mixed with the drums of the Bee Gees. Do you understand? Go. I love these songs. I'm just imagining what Lisa would ask for on her playlist. Yeah. Oh, God. I love these songs. I'm just imagining what Lisa would ask for on her Sir playlist. Yeah, oh god. I want to imagine a small

Afghani child running from a village holding baseball bats on fire. Can you do that? Because that's the music in there. It's like You know it's in India, right? Like, you're not even trying to be an Indian restaurant. But every song is like, Now you're in China.

Now it's like China rock. Terrible. Literally terrible. I'll play anything you'd like. Give me a keyword to search, darling. All right, so next we get this amazing sales meeting with the Toms. Favorite thing yet so far this season. So, so next we get this amazing sales meeting with the Toms. Favorite thing yet so far this season. So, so good.

So many amazing things in this scene. So first, poor people walking around Lisa's house is always fun. Because they're like, wow. Cream carpeting and velvet paintings of Ken holding dogs in different outfits. This is rich man tea everywhere and tom number two he's like i want this this is like my dream a place for swans to float an entire wing for katie to complain wow i'm gonna live like this like you need to think a little bit bigger because you're basically asking for commission on sangria.

Yeah, seriously. Tom number one says, I'm not much of a salesman in life, but I've sold lots of pump martini, so I can do that. Yeah, but life isn't just a bar. You can't just walk into a Whole Foods and be like, you look beautiful tonight. Yeah, who's the lucky man who's meeting you for happy hour what he's not here pumptini they're like sir do you need something drinking yeah um so their pitch to lisa was pretty good because lisa lisa's all about just saying no she doesn't even care she's like no're stupid. So instead of telling them no, she brings Pandy.

Pandy! And Pandy's possibly gay husband, who are both extremely bored with life, God bless their hearts. I know. They come over for the meeting, and then Ken's just kind of sitting there to make sure they don't steal anything off the coffee table. Yeah, literally. And so they start pitching it to Lisa, and this is Tom's pitch. He's like, so, you know, Lisa, like, your drink, it's, like, so good. LVP Sangria. So, you know, I'm out a lot, so I'm thinking, like, I could be in Vegas or, like, let's say, like, an Indian casino or wherever, you know.

And so I'm sitting there, and I'm drinking, and it looks weird because it's red. And so people are like, what are you drinking? And then I'm like, LVP Sangria. And then they're like, what are you drinking? And then I'm like, LVP Sangria. And then they're like, what? What does that even mean? And so they go to the bartender and they're like,

what's VLP? And he's like, you must mean LVP. Do you want some? And then they're like, yeah. Yeah, that was the pitch. That was it.

Literally the pitch. Do you know how many people have started shaving their face ever since the first time I did that at the Bellagio water fountain? The entire world. It was just so sad. Like, I can't believe that was their actual business pitch.

Selling sangria from bar to bar. From bar to bar. And then Tom, too, is like, I don't think you know that liquors is in my background. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure it is. You're a drunk, too, basically. Your bloodstream is not your resume, darling. Yeah. I love how Pandy just shuts them in too.

She's like, um, we're thinking globally. Ugh. I love Pandy because she's Lisa Vanderpump's Ivanka Trump. Yes. It's like Lisa may come up, well, Lisa's no Trump. I mean, let's not be totally rude, but those, the kids are the same. Pandy just stays there quietly looking like she's patiently listening. And then the minute it's time for her to talk, Lisa just looks at her and she's like, you're thinking about a bar in an Indian casino.

We just had a meeting with the Pope. The leader of Ireland. And Jason's like, I just married into this sweet ass gig. So I'll go wherever. Yes. Nope. The leader of Ireland and... Jason's like, I just married into this sweet-ass gig, so I'll go wherever. Yes. Jason's like, I will go wherever Lisa's Southwest vouchers get me. Right now, Missy. She's like, they've been flying all over the world for Lisa Vanderpump Sangria.

She's like, you don't sell it by drinking in a bar, Tom. Lisa Vanderpump Sangria. She's like, you don't sell it by drinking in a bar, Tom. So possibly go home and rethink this plan and maybe include things like different things that you included because the things you included were just awful. And this is a business and I don't want you crying and running away, Tom 2. And he's like, oh, that was younger, not ready to, like seriously not ready to get married Tom

but this is almost ready to get married Tom so I'm totally on it I have a perm and a dog Tom Tom's the other Tom number one's like yeah we could totally do this we have a lot in common like we have a couch cause we're adults just got one felt great

paid for it everything's fine everything's fine Py we always give shit when i say we i say me because food issues so i'm always giving pandy shit but not because she's big but because she's lisa vanderpump's daughter in beverly hills and i know that must be hell i know that she's been to every gold-plated weight watchers meet you know i just know what she's been put through, you know? Yeah, definitely. Every time I see her, I just want to hug her and be like, stop worrying about it.

You're so pretty and you're rich as hell and you've got a cute husband. Stop being weird about your weight. It makes me crazy looking at it. She's like, I'm going to wear a black dress and I'm getting a gigantic purse that will sit on my lap the entire time i know you can't hide behind a birkin was that a birkin i'm pretty much it probably was i mean that was like a huge birkin that was huge she's like this was fifty thousand dollars it's like that doesn't make you thinner and nobody cares be yourself okay you're good enough you're smart enough and god darn it we love making fun of you no matter your weight darling stop worrying about your weight worry about your husband i do like that she makes

her kids like work like how she worked in the restaurant and she has you know the other son as a whatever like a busser he's still a bus for poor max i'm ever moving up like well max when you prove to me that you can do more than bus tables it's like three years later finally we'll move you up yeah i don't think max wants to move up he seems to bus tables. It's like three years later. Finally, we'll move you up, yeah. I don't think Max wants to move up. He seems to be pretty happy. He's like, whatever. I don't care.

And you know who the real workers are at that restaurant? I've learned going there. The bus boys. They're the only workers anyway. Yeah, that's the hard job. The waiters are all like you see on TV. They're all a bunch of model idiots. They'll be like, do you want anything? Like after you've been sitting there for 45

minutes and the busboy's already taken your order and brought you dessert and poured you three drinks. You guys doing okay? Yes, thanks to Alfredo. We're leaving. Okay, don't forget to type. Get out,

idiots. When Lisa was shocked that that girl showed up in her underwear, I was like, that's what you put her in anyway. Since when are you so picky? She's like, those are not uniform underwear, Arkansas. Yeah, no, it's like their vaginas are level with the table. That's like literally their outfit. So I don't know why she's shocked. I want these tables lowered for the short waiters, darling.

No one's coming here for the bowls. The goat cheese bowls. I think they've turned the goat cheese balls into a goat cheese empanada. Not the same, guys. No. I hope Chef Penny doesn't know about this. She would shut that down. She would.

She'd be like, I did not do goat cheese empanadas. The flavor profile, the texture profile is wrong go back to balls they're sexy do you know anything about chef penny she's our favorite no she was i remember i just remember her she's a red pump right she was the they only had one little scene with her i think last year or two years ago and lisa they were going over the menu and we died i think we did a whole hour just going over the 80s shit that they're going to put on the menu. But pretend they're inventing. You know?

Lisa's like, I want calamari, but fry it, darling. We'll change the industry. Ben's favorite one is tuna tartare. Because that's so Lisa Vanderpump. Like, things that were famous a long time ago. She's like, beef Wellington. It's going to take the neighborhood by storm. Anyway, Chef Penny is from the Food Network Star,

or whatever that show is called on the Food Network, where they line up like 20 people who can't cook, but then they make them cook anyway and try to come up with a personality over the course of like 90 hours that you have to watch a show. And Chef Penny was one of them, and her thing was being sexy she's like i'm a sexy chef yeah that's so good so gross so i've been in love with hating her forever and i love that she's just attached to this show at all so in every episode which one oh god i don't even know what it was it was forever ago you'll hear

if you ever listen to this again you'll hear it if you ever listen to this again you'll hear it 20 times because that's all we say when vanderpump rules is on invent it oh i want a piece of bread but a flat piece of bread that you can possibly roll things up in like a holdable sandwich we should call it a tiller. They're like, hmm, too short. Tortilla, maybe? Tortilla, darling! Take the world by a pump-tier. We've invented it. We're going to change Mexico. All right.

Little Trump, I wrote. Why am I still at Little Trump? Okay, so Pandy basically hands the guys their ass. Her husband looks bored as hell. What is dinner like with those two at home? There's no speaking. How was your day, Jason? Silence. He's like silence get away from me why do you only get a hard-on whenever i talk about account balances

he's like it's not the money that's in the account it's the it's allowance day oh that's right darling all right i'm with you'm with you. I love you deeply. I love you deeply. Air kisses. Air kisses. See you in two weeks. So, where am I? I take too many notes on this stupid fucking show.

I get obsessed while I'm watching it. And then they use the wrong fork. Okay. Sheena's house. Oh, geez.? They used the wrong fork. Okay. Sheena's house. Oh, jeez. This is like the grand finale. Yes. They're going to have an intervention with Shay.

Which everyone finds really weird because Sheena basically, Shay hasn't been home for a week and Sheena's like, Shay and I need to fight, everybody. Come over! I don't want to have to tell you all separately. Help me.

So, I guess that's a thing in their relationship where they don't really like to talk to each other. So, whenever they have an issue, they like to talk about it with a lot of people around. Seriously. I mean, there's so many red flags about this relationship. And yet, I hope these kids make it. You know how, Shay, you know how when you're going to break up with someone, you do it in a public place so they can't yell at you? I think that's why Shay insists on other people being there. Yes.

Because the friends will tell her to be quiet, you know? Yeah. Like, Sheena, it's not about you. And she's like, how do you think it attracts me? it's about it's not about you and she's like yes it is how do you think his drugs mean me uh no literally when he he's going on about how he has this pill addiction she goes yeah he wasn't paying the bills because he was buying drugs and then looks into all of them as if they're supposed to be like oh my god sheena she goes yeah her big confession i'm addicted to somebody who's addicted to pills it's so hard on me he's trying to have an

honest intervention they're like brah look like tell me i love how people classify this is so true too by the way when you're when you're someone who lives in a town where people are just always partying the way that you look at drug addiction is just very different here they exemplified it in the scene dude what are you doing okay so like pills like what do you like like pills yeah oh so you were just doing like a couple pills a day i mean like so okay wait so were you like were you taking so many that if you didn't take one then you'd like crave it yeah oh I mean, that's kind of bad. Okay, like... Oh, I do that.

Look, man, the reason that your body's craving it is because you haven't taken one. So next time you feel that, just take a pill and then you'll feel better. Like, uh... I don't think this is going to go very well. Because no one knows really even how to... No one will say, just quit, you know? Yeah, no. they're like well you can drink sometime shay that's fine that's fine that's definitely not a slippery slope

that's she knows answer that killed me when that came out but yeah this all turns into sheena making it about herself and she's like well i was doing five a day. They're like, five? Dude, you don't even have a job. How are you fiving five $30 pills a day, dude? That's crazy. Who are you getting from? The Busboys? Wow. Which Busboy?

Yes, definitely. Where does he hide them? Do you know his locker combination? And then he admits to one day having 10 a day, which, okay, $30 a pill. Man, that's $300. That costs more than all those cvs blow-up portraits put together y'all could have bought a dining room table a long time ago she's like i could have had more pictures of me we didn't even get to blow up the picture where we're standing

in front of the fountain i'm looking away from you you snorted it so So he's having this deep confession. He's like, yeah, sometimes I put things in my body other than Froot Loops or whatever. And they're like, whoa, dude, is that addiction? Or like, I'm not sure. And Sheena's like, how do you think this makes me feel? I'm like, Sheena, no, it's not about you. And so how do you think you're telling me it's not about me makes me feel like sheena no it's not about you and so how do you think you're telling me it's not about me makes me feel oh god the sheenas in the pictures aren't happy stop making the

sheenas in the pictures i'm happy so annoying she is i feel so bad for her in a way i have to say no i do too i don't know why i feel bad for them is it because i made so many mistakes when i'm young and i'm like oh kids just you know wear a condom i don't even know what it is i i don't know exactly why i feel so bad for them but there is something about like two lost people somehow getting married like they should have never gotten married well i mean they're from azusa you know it's like different there she's like well i never really remember him talking i just remember like we were at this party at a public park and i'm like i came down the side and he saw me and then i was like that guy would look good looking away from in a in a. That's probably one of the main reasons she married him.

He's really good at just staring off blankly. He'll always look at my neck while I'm looking away. Ah, so romantic! So Sheena is hugging him, and she's got this gigantic crucifix ring that's covering three fingers and is full of fake sharp diamonds. And I'm just waiting for him,

for her to scratch him. That poor guy must just be terrified. I know. Well, he clearly is. I love that was the part she freaks out and he's like, I'm actually scared of you. Like you are so intimidating and mean.

Like, how do you think that makes me feel? She doesn't even let him finish the sentence about her being intimidating. What do you mean? I'm putting luck back on the freezer until you take it back. I said it. I mean it. I'm sorry.

Okay, now shut up. That was intimidating. Be quiet. So she never lets anybody talk. She's just one of those. We all know because we see whenever she steps on a piece of glass and turns it into a six-episode arc. Why aren't you going to ask me about my foot at the reunion, Andy? Oh, what about me?

Such a brat. So we're all here for you, man. Like, are you an addict? Are you just partying? Because, like, it's really fun. Because that's why I do it. Am I an addict? No.

Am I hot? What do you think of me? Am I hot? It's like, oh, poor Shay. It's never gonna get out of this okay sheena i don't know i didn't know i'm married or not you're miserable with me you're so drunk and depressed because of me why don't you just get rid of me if i'm so miserable and he's like uh this is actually about my addiction. I'm being addicted to me. No one's addicted to me. I'm not at your addiction. Why did you marry me then?

Because you made me. Oh, yeah. He's like, you terrified me into it. Because you told me if I didn't that you'd take fruit roll-ups off the shelves of the Azusa Ralphs. Oh, yeah. Okay. Good point. Anyway, stop! God, okay. Good point. Anyway, STILL!

God, nightmare. I'm staying. Are you going to go or are you going to stay? Go back to your parents' house with the dining room table. He's like, no, I'm going to stay here.

I miss the TV tray. He's like, well, everything's pretty terrible, but you're only minorly terrible. He's like, I left the rest of my pills

under the mattress, so I had to come back eventually. My stash is here. Yeah, because I love when he's like, I left the rest of my pills under the mattress, so had to come back eventually. My stash is here. Yeah, because I love how he's like, oh, I basically kicked it. I'm like, uh, doubt that. That man that I left behind yesterday, he's gone now. I'm like, yeah, opiate addictions don't really work like that. I'd recommend a movie called Sid and Nancy. Very romantic.

You two can watch it curled up in front of the TV trays on your oversized Married with Children couch. Yeah, yeah. So dark. Capri Suns and all. Capri Suns. Oh, that was the best when they had their romantic evening at home together. Because now they're like, everything's normal.

We're just two kids having dinner together, drinking Capri Suns, and getting drug tests taken. And Sheena's just so glad to have him back. Look at this silk, right? I've been dreaming of a time where we can get rid of these and get a real table. Wouldn't that be amazing shit? And he's like, ugh. He's like, ugh.

She's like, I have all these new proofs of our wedding photos to be framed. They found a new folder. I saved my old nose because it's going to be used as the leg of the table. Oh, God. Purple and pound. Pucker and pound. Lisa explains resumes. Oh, wait.

We're not there yet. This conversation really got crazy with Sheena because we're thinking, I mean, I'm guessing, like, we're thinking, now Sheena is going to take this man, fix him up. She's going to save this marriage, save her man. Everything's going to be okay because she really does love him and blah, blah, blah. And then she goes, well, I like, you're still going to drink, right? Because, like, you can still, like, drink. You just don't have to get drunk.

I don't got to, like, just take a it oh my god i was like no sheena and he's like i don't think you were listening to what i said earlier per usual like but i left that man behind no i don't care about that guy because that's the guy at your parents house this is the guy that's here right now and he can have a sip if he wants you want a sip you want a sip you want a sip? You want a sip? You want to snort anything? Just a half. It's not a drug if it's only a half. Like Sheena.

Oh, my God. And then she comes right out and says, I can't be with somebody who's, like, totally sober. Because, like, the lifestyle of style is accustoming to me. Like, what? No. Gross. That's terrible.

Terrible. And you know, anybody who's ever dealt with addiction or addiction in their family was freaking out at that last night. God. I mean, at least like Lisa Vanderpump was like, um, Sheena, just because you had a two minute conversation with him does not mean that he's going to be sober. Like, you're kidding me. That was the best conversation ever. Wow. We worked him out. We had a two-minute conversation with him does not mean that he's going to be sober. Like, you're kidding me. That was the best conversation ever. Wow, we worked him out. We had a talk.

Oh, did you, darling? Well, what happened? Well, it turns out he was, like, doing, like, drugs and stuff. So I was like, no more drugs. Oh, that's it? Yeah, I promised to be better. Well, you've seen Beverly Hills, right? Because that's been going on for five years.

You know, she hid in a bathroom here saying the same things, darling. It's like you're marrying a Kim Richards without a trust fund. She's like, no, no, he'll be fine. He can still drink sometimes. No, darling, it's not what addiction is. Oh, God. She's like, it's fine, I'm drug testing him. Oh, my God.

Lisa's face when she said that. She goes, darling, addicts are liars. How do you know he's telling you the truth? She's like, because I got a pee test. And I'm like, he has to pee on it. I'll be like, you got a pee? Then pee on this. Lisa's face. I mean, Sheena actually came up with something

that I don't think Lisa's ever heard before. I know. It's like, you can have that, darling. Putting that in Max's toilet. Yeah. And it's definitely not going to work either. I don't think it's gonna work and then she has rules she's like okay if it hits positive you're pregnant if it hits negative you've had marijuana it's okay but then if it comes up with an h and you did heroin i'm gonna be mad it's like

there's no h on that it's a pregnancy stick darling she's like um you totally get a pass for marijuana i'm like you're enabling him you are terrible you're the worst she knows like people call marijuana a gateway drug sheena is a gateway wife it's like you marry sheena you think you're gonna have a couple glasses of wine a day and suddenly you're hooked on heroin she's what? It's no big deal. Okay, heroin. Stop talking now. Drinking's fine. Oh, Sheena. So bad. Worried. And again, it's one of those things where she's so GD wrong, but at

the same time, I'm like, I kind of get what she means. I don't necessarily want to date someone completely sober either. I just wouldn't say it on camera after the big intervention. Yeah, I don't think she even understands really what alcoholism means.

In Azusa, it's just called commitment. She's like, I'm going to check the Wikipedia page later, but I think it's okay to drink. Drinking doesn't even come up on the test, unless you're pregnant. So bad. Come into me

like my dad commits to booze or whatever. Because you know in Azusa it's just a totally different thing. I want as much attention

as you give me. Oxy. Like, oh, not the same, darling. Oxy has a personality. Alright, Lisa explains resumes. Okay,

so this scene, hilarious. I'm actually sad that this storyline isn't going to work out because I was really hoping, hoping, I'm talking like Shana.

I was really hoping that this Arkansas girl, Brittany, Yeah. was going to be coming to the show full time because she's amazing. Although I heard,

maybe it was on Amy Phillips reality check show that they're still together. Oh, they are? I think if you do some Instagram searching, I think I heard this maybe not last week, maybe the week before, that I think they're still together. So maybe we'll keep

seeing her through the season. I can't go on Instagram because I get lost in everyone's fake lives and I'm like, oh Yolanda. Today Yolanda was like, look at this beautiful sunset. Some days you need to wake up and tell yourself, I am more important than Bella.

It's like, oh, great meme. Great meme, yo-yo. Or yo, what do they call her? Yo-fo? Um, okay. I'm officially not even concentrating anymore. I'm looking around the ashtray. Okay. Hold on.

Lisa explains resumes. Okay. So this is good. So this girl shows up in the exact same thing she wore last time, but floral, which I guess makes it more formal. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I asked Flyers this time.

That's what you do when people die. Because she's seven. Get married. Yeah. And Lisa says, I have to ask flyers this time. That's what you do when people die. Because she's seven. Get married. Yeah. And Lisa says, I have to ask you again. And Jax is, of course, sitting in because this is a job interview and that's what you do. Like your boyfriend sits in and watches. Lisa says, I have to ask you again, darling.

Did you bring a resume? She's like, I forgot that. I should have remembered that. I forgot it. I couldn't find a pen. All right, then. Darling, you're in your underwear again. And those are non-union underwear.

So just tell me right now, where have you went? Off the top of your head. She's like, Hooters. Starts laughing. And then Lisa acts like she's looking down on that. Who do you think you're hiring over here? You are not hiring people for their intellect here. Get out of here.

At least they work at Hooters. Don't waitresses show up without a DJ stand, you know? It's a hard job. I'm only showing up to Hooters if I can DJ behind the place where we defrost the bread. All right, James. Head on back to the pizza oven, buddy. Yeah, just hit play on iTunes. Lisa explains resumes. It's a list of places that you pizza oven, buddy. Yeah, just hit play on iTunes. Lisa explains resumes.

It's a list of places that you've been, darling. And then Jax says, her looks are her resume. Enough said. Jesus Christ, Jax. Perfect, darling. I much prefer that. Oh. I wrote that.

Perfect, darling. I much prefer that word to breasts. That vile word. Okay, Lisa, no resume is a gift. Oh, yeah, because Lisa didn't have to take her. So she's like, thank God she's an idiot, darling. Didn't bring a resume so I could just say no. But then she didn't even say anything about the resume.

She's like, you've had jacks inside of you, so no. I know eventually you're going to be coming down with headaches, rashes, and people are going to start complaining of food poisoning every time you're the one who pours their water, darling. Can't work here. Can't work here. Jax is airborne, darling. It's true, though. That's the resume.

Jax. So you're not hired. Goodbye. I know. And it must be so crushing to move to Hollywood when you feel like you've met a star and everything is about to change, you know? It's like, I met a guy and and he's taking me to Los Angeles, and now I'm gonna be... Yep, still a whore.

I mean, in a better neighborhood, probably, than the Hooters was in, but... Yeah. No. Aw. What a whore. The school of hard knockers, darling. All right.

Perfect, darling. I'm much blah, blah, blah. Lisa, no resume. She ain't that shy. Okay, we already talked about this, but this was amazing when they're having the romantic dinner. alright perfect darling I'm much blah blah blah Lisa no resume she meant she okay we already talked about this but this was amazing when they're having their romantic dinner yeah I'm gonna get a table one day

this is so depressing he's like can we get a table made out of a mirror that sounds perfect we can watch ourselves eat spaghetti I can see myself at all times I can see you while you're snorting a half a pill. That way it's not drugs. It doesn't count if I'm watching.

Exactly. And if it's not a full pill, then it's fine. Okay, so we basically already do, what did you do at your mom's? This conversation. What'd you do at your mom's house? She's trying to be really positive. Like, welcome home. Look, it's special because we have capri suns so she's trying to make this like super romantic and he's like well i mean i was at my mom's house and then once she was out of those tiny little um

those tiny little donut balls from costco i was like oh i gotta go back so you know look i just you scare me she's like what what do you mean he's like you just, you scare me. She's like, what? What do you mean? She's like, you're intimidating. There, I said it. She's like. And then she just stayed quiet and smiled. Like, look, I'm not talking. And you could see the words, like, hitting the back of her porcelain teeth really hard. Trying to be quiet.

It was funny. She's like, I just want to complain so much right now and make this about me. What did you want to say about me? I never want to let you finish the donut. So that was pretty much it. Basically, Shay's life is a mess. Lisa's best advice ever. And she said something about Lala today that I forgot.

Let's all be sure to Lala fabulous. What did she say to Lala? Hello Lala. I've still said don't be mean to Lala three times a day. I need to see her apartment and I need to see when she and James start dating.

I saw her two times ago when I was there. So she's actually there and I think she's first season so she still has to work. That's amazing. We have to when I was there. So she's actually there. And I think she's first season. So she still has to work. That's amazing. We have to go get drinks there soon. Let's do it. I feel like such a dope in there having drinks because my attitude is like, you know, I look like that. I'm like that guy.

And the place where you sit to have the drinks, the lounge, I guess they're trying to do kind of a midway Morocco thing where you're not sitting on, because in Morocco you'll sit on the ground, you know? But it's not a ground seat, but it's only a foot tall. So you're basically squatting the whole time you're there. No, no. I once was passing through the parking lot, like walking around to the other like mass

where people can actually park. And Kristen was out there like FaceTiming and smoking a cigarette cigarette and i almost had a heart attack that's like the type of sighting i want like a ridiculous one the shit they really do yes um i like seeing them out in the real world and stuff oh can't wait for that moment you'll have it come on down well i don't think they're going to be going to the bar by my house anymore because they used to go to surly goat all the time but now jack said it on tv so i don't think they're going to be going to the bar by my house anymore because I used to go to Surly Goat all the time. But now Jack said it on TV, so I don't think they'll be going there anymore. They have to find a new one.

We'll find them. We will find them. You want to go to the goat? Let's meet at the goat. Yeah. Let's meet at the goat. It's like just a pub. Stupid. Any whoozle, everybody.

Julia, this was amazing. This was so fun. This was a good first date. Let's have a second. Yes, definitely. Anytime. When do you want to do was a good first date. Let's have a second. Yes, definitely. Anytime. When do you want to do it? Tell me now.

Tell me now. Anytime. Julia, so good talking to you. Let's get drinks soon. Yes, please. Happy Thanksgiving, my darling. Happy Thanksgiving. I'll talk to you soon.

Have a great one over there. We'll talk later. Bye. Bye. And that'll do it for today. Love you guys. Thank you to Julia and to my beautiful Katie. Everyone's wonderful.

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